#world revolves around him doesnt make it reality…

[bleue-flora]

https://www.tumblr.com/tobi-smp/765541010649530368/tobi-ctommy-lore-in-2024?source=share

I can't decide what you want me to say... I mean I think I covered all the points of why this doesn't work already... in fact I’d say half of that roleplay seems like there like literal feelings as ccJack expresses when he first logs on, and the other half seems to be ccTommy trying to retcon stuff to please his fans in with ccJack actually outright disagreeing with him. Mind you I planned on watching it but honestly Tommy’s comment about op pissed me off to the point that I didn’t care, however given that comment and Jack logging on as a joke to begin with that sets the tone for this to take place and that context is important. Also, Jack literally spawns in the prison so let’s say we are retconning shit, what are we retconning? Because the bench was in prison, Jack was in prison with his first statement being basically ‘bet you didn’t expect to see me be here again’ framing things as we’d expect taking place right after the finale for Jack. And if he’s in the prison then that lore took place, meaning Jack set off the nukes like he says so in the messages. So, we can’t retcon the finale it happened and that’s why Jack is where he is, what you are changing is the potential aftermath. However that still doesn’t make sense to me. If the Incident stopped the nukes and the Egg, then if they have their memories and are wandering around as if things never restarted then presumably the Incident didn’t happen, but if that didn’t happen, then the nuke and Egg wouldn’t have been stopped so they’d be dead… right?… unless we gotta recon allll that lore — oops but wait we can’t because Jack literally spawned next to the bench Tubbo placed in the prison so that lore has to be canon to make sense… so then we are back to the Incident Had to happen to stop the nuke and if it did happen then we do some speculation and such and say everyone left and Tommy and Jack stayed, which again more work than accepting the actual lore.

Also - who is Tubbo selling honey to if everyone is gone? - and if people could leave this whole time why didn’t they before? (Unless we just mean leave the area aka the start at their Incident houses?)… which in that case everyone didn’t leave, Tommy left and went back to the dsmp area and presumably not many followed… like I just it doesn’t make sense, I want to be on your side innitors I really do, I want to understand you, in the same way I want to understand why retconning the staged finale makes sense to people, but this finale just doesn’t work. It’s closer to George’s whole stream that turned out to be a dream… like it’s this same thing like staged finale, where people take the part of the lore that aligns with their narrative, not taking all the truth just the bits they like. And that’s just a headcanon/fanfiction at that point. Just because you took lore doesn’t make it true, you took some of the facts but not all of them to use it to fit your idea but that doesn’t mean it actuality fits your idea. And spreading posts with screenshots with no links to videos or clips or full context just - OMG Jack and Tommy did lore and retconned the finale - which is not what happened. Context is important, in the same way reading someone’s posts without the connecting ones or months later can become harmful to people. It’s taking things out of context and then cutting off the edges to make it say what you want. Like it’s a huge part of the political problems right now because people can’t even agree on the damn facts.

Why? Because this right here. This grabbing things that align with your beliefs and ignoring the other facts and logic that contradicts it. It’s the picking and choosing - oh I like this lore so that’s canon but I don’t like this so that’s not canon - It’s shaping the truth to fit your narrative and claiming it’s still truth even when it no longer fits. Tommy burning down Tubbo’s house doesn’t align with how you view Tommy as this golden boy -> oh it’s not canon. Dream pretending to be evil to get put in prison -> yea that’s not canon. The finale where Tommy and Dream see eye to eye for the first time -> yeah that’s not canon. But this short convo a year later after the dsmp has officially ended, where Jack is literally disagreeing with him -> yea of course that’s the real canon.

It’s like taking a book and ripping out pages you don’t like and then glueing pages over the other ones in the end and trying to sell it as an original copy...

[littlelamy]

hiiii i love your writing!!! so ive been thinking about kook!reader who wasnt as close with the pogues but since they got stuck on the island together it changed but now that they are in obx reader cant help but run back to rafe but she doesnt want to hurt the pogues but they end up finding out when jj or pope and cleo see her on the boat with rafe🐬 sorry its long

a/n: it's not long! i love this idea but i'm wondering if i should do a part two! thank you for sending a request🐳

you had never really thought of yourself as one of them. the pogues—jj, pope, kiara, and cleo—were the island’s outcasts, while you had grown up in the world of the kooks. your life revolved around yacht parties and designer clothes, and you were always aware of the invisible line that separated your world from theirs.

but everything changed when you found yourself stranded on that deserted island with them. a sudden storm had swept through, forcing your boat to capsize, and the only ones who could help were the pogues. at first, it felt awkward. you remembered their initial glances and snickers, feeling the weight of their judgment hanging in the air. but as the days turned into weeks, something shifted.

one evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky with hues of orange and pink, you and jj sat around a small fire you had managed to start. the warmth enveloped you, but the real comfort came from the easy conversation that flowed between you. jj had always been the wild one, the joker, but in this moment, he was something more—a friend.

“you know, y/n,” he said, poking the fire with a stick, “if you ever want to ditch the kooks, you’ve got a place with us. we could go full kook just to hang out with you.”

you laughed, surprised at the thought. “you’d go full kook? really?”

“absolutely,” jj grinned, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. “i’ll make sure all of us go full kook. we’ll get some designer clothes and start hosting yacht parties in no time!”

“you’d look ridiculous in those clothes,” you teased, nudging him playfully.

“i can pull it off!” he shot back, pretending to strike a pose. the laughter that erupted felt so liberating, and you found yourself savoring this moment, this connection with someone who had once seemed so different from you.

but once the storm passed and the rescue came, you were thrust back into your old life. the glittering parties, the luxury cars, and the kook lifestyle beckoned you back like a siren song. and yet, in the back of your mind, the memories of those days on the island lingered, especially your growing feelings for rafe.

rafe cameron was a part of your past—complicated, messy, and often toxic. you had known him for years, and despite his flaws, there was an undeniable chemistry between you. when you found yourself back in the OBX, it was like you were magnetically pulled toward him, even if it meant crossing paths with the pogues again.

you knew the risks. rafe was not the type of guy who came with a warning label, but the thrill of being near him was intoxicating. when you finally met up with him at a party, the old sparks reignited. he swept you off your feet, and for a moment, everything felt right.

but the tension hung heavy in the air. the pogues had watched you transform during your time on the island, and you knew that they wouldn't take kindly to your rekindling things with rafe. still, you couldn’t help yourself. late-night rendezvous turned into boat rides and stolen kisses, and every time rafe pulled you closer, you felt more alive.

one evening, you and rafe were out on his boat, the waves gently rocking beneath you. you felt free, escaping the pressures of your reality. it was bliss—until it wasn’t. from the corner of your eye, you spotted a familiar figure on the shore. it was jj, followed closely by pope and cleo. your heart dropped.

“oh no,” you whispered, panic creeping in. “they can’t see us.”

“don’t worry about them,” rafe said, his tone casual. “just enjoy the moment.”

but it was too late. jj’s eyes widened in realization, and you could see him start to shout your name. you tried to duck down, but it was no use. cleo’s shocked expression said it all.

the moment was shattered. you quickly pulled away from rafe, your mind racing. “we have to go back.”

“why? let them think what they want,” rafe replied, a mix of annoyance and confusion crossing his face.

“because they don’t understand! they don’t know what it was like on that island. they think i’m just another kook!” you exclaimed, your heart racing. “they’ll never forgive me for this.”

you turned the boat back toward the shore, the laughter and music from the party fading into the background as you faced the reality of your choices. you had hurt your friends, and now you had to confront them.

as you pulled the boat up to the dock, jj, pope, and cleo stood waiting, their expressions a mix of anger and disappointment. you could feel your stomach knotting at the sight of them.

“what the hell, y/n?” jj shouted, stepping forward. “we thought you were different. we thought you were one of us.”

“you know it’s not like that,” you protested, stepping onto the dock. “you don’t understand what it’s like to be pulled back into that world. rafe... he’s complicated, but he makes me feel something.”

“and what about us?” pope interjected, his voice strained. “we were there for you when you needed us. and now you just run back to rafe?”

“no, no, that’s not what i meant. i just—” you struggled to find the right words, but the more you spoke, the worse it felt.

“it’s fine,” jj cut you off, shaking his head. “go. if you want to be a kook, be a kook. but don’t expect us to be here when you decide you want us back.”

the hurt in his voice struck you harder than you anticipated. you opened your mouth to say something, but the words caught in your throat. instead, you turned back toward the boat, tears stinging your eyes. you felt like you were losing everything—your past, your friends, and maybe even a part of yourself.

rafe was waiting, but as you looked back, the sight of the pogues’ disappointed faces made your heart ache. maybe the island had brought you all closer together, but now, it felt like the distance was too great to bridge. you didn’t know how to reconcile those two worlds, and as rafe started the engine, you realized you had to face the reality of your choices.

the waves lapped at the side of the boat as you sailed away, feeling more lost than ever. the thrill of being with rafe faded, and the memory of the pogues’ laughter echoed in your mind, leaving you questioning everything. was it worth it? or had you really lost them for good?

taglist (comment below if you want to be added): @namelesslosers @princessslutt @averyoceanblvd @iknowdatsrightbih @starkeysprincess @sixrosberg @anamiad00msday @ivysprophecy @wearemadeofstardust0

[silliest-basilisk]

BASIL!!!! i am now asking you about your ocs!!! <3

assuming tumblr lets the cat through, that is my cat who i turned into an emoji. except on tumblr, she doesn’t quite work as an emoji and instead becomes a big transparent image

AHHH OMG YOUR KITTY <3333 I LUV HER

anyway HELL YEAH BUCKLE IN THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE

so i have several different universes. to start us off, my ttrpg ocs. or specifically one ttrpg oc, because you already heard about the other ones i care most about that arent just rip-offs of fictional characters i like.

this is virginia. she's my character for my best friend's d&d campaign where we play as mobsters doing mobster things and she's my favourite ttrpg character i've made to date. i won't tell you much about her because i've actually written some stuff for her so you can find out about her from that as opposed to me just telling you! read about her here!!!

next up.... uhhh ok before i tell you about my other ocs im just gonna say that a lot of this stuff is gonna be vague as hell because i'm basically in a perpetual state of revamping and revising these stories.

so first off we have my oldest and dearest to my heart universe which um. ironically is the only one that remains untitled. actually you know what this one takes a lot of explaining because it's got a lot of complex worldbuilding so i'll come back and tell you about this one some other time, ok? i dont really have the strength rn to write about it 😭

ok then we have dreambound, which is a fantasy story that i made based on a dream i had once 🔥it's the story of a young princess called yavalina (yava for short) (she/her) getting hit with a sleeping spell right before her coronation, and her consciouscness is transported to a maaagical world borne of her dreams!!! though like i cant stress this enough its an actual real world, she's not just like. hallucinating. the people in there are real.

anyway in order to find out how to break the sleeping spell and get back home she has to travel to the magical wishing tree at the heart of the ever-shifting Circadian Forest, where the fabric of this world's reality is the thinnest and the connections to other dream worlds (there is one for everybody from yava's world!) are the strongest! to assist her on this journey she enlists the help of senfrey (he/him), a mage whose magical heirloom compass shows a way through the forest. they set off, and along their journey meet many waAaAacky characters, grow as people, etc etc, yknow, typical hero's journey stuff.

the crux of this story is anticipatory grief. yava is scared of how much fun she's having and how much she likes spending time with senfrey, because she knows that once their journey comes to an end, they'll part ways forever. her arc revolves around her making peace with this fact.

here's some old-ish drawings of them! yava's the cat, senfrey is the axolotl! also fun fact, this universe pulls from omori a lot aesthetic wise, that's why yava's monochrome.

neeeeext up we have fran finchley, which is the result of me going "man harry potter has such cool aesthetics, too bad its a shit series with a shit author". so this is an extremely self-indulgent magic school story, set in a fictionalized version of great britiain, which focuses on a 13 y/o girl named frances finchley (fran for short) (they/them) who. yknow. starts attending a magic school. but like instead of being awesome and making lots of friends, nobody really likes them cause they're strange (autistic) 👍instead they become friends with this new teacher named crowheart knockwood (they/them)!!! i cant believe we're both goth, trans and autistic!!! they find a kindred soul in one another bc crowheart's not human, they're part of a species known as shadowfolk!! and shadowfolk are generally pretty negatively stereotyped by humans so crowheart doesnt quite fit in among them but they were also raised by humans, so the isolationist shadowfolk community doesnt rly accept them either 👍but yeah uhhhh they are epic friends and do shenanigans

this story is generally super self-indulgent, fran is the most mega turbo self-insert to have ever self-inserted, the whole thing's got a gothic aesthetic cause im goth (including both fran and crowheart being goth in-universe), and they also both have corvids associated with them cause i love corvids (fran is associated with jackdaws and crowheart with. well. crows. hooded crows to be precise)

i only have incredibly shitty drawings of these two and tumblr is freaking out when i try to put them here so i guess its not meant to be. maybe i'll show you when i make some better drawings of them.

and finally, there's one that is also untitled but in my oc discord channel is labeled as "julius & adam romantic buddies". i came up with it when we were learning about character archetypes in romantic (the era not the genre) literature in school and i was like "hey wouldn't it be funny if a wertherian hero and a byronic hero were friends"

basically:

a wertherian hero is a character with an active imagination, usually a poet, who feels misunderstood and like they do not belong in this world and are very sad and depressed about it. usually also suffer from an unrequited love. often also suicidal

a byronic hero is a rebellious individualist, a mysterious, brooding figure at odds with the world. they're haunted by their past, often because they committed some great evil in it. they also typically have strong convictions and ideals which they perceive as superior to others, which makes them come off as arrogant.

so in the context of this story, the byronic hero is adam (he/him), an immortal being haunted by his past misdeeds (and perhaps even a lost love....) who is now a hermit and just wants to live his life undisturbed.

and the wertherian hero is julius (also he/him), a young poet struggling to make ends meet and find love.

through shenanigans which i have not figured out yet, they become roommates. cue dumbass sitcom hijinks

they eventually grow to value each other and become awesome friends (and maybe even... lovers... but idk idk!!!)

this is them... julius is the sheep, adam's the big shadowy thing... i actually got so pissed at how shitty adam looks in the first picture that i went and drew a new thing of him right now, which is the second picture. maybe i'll draw an updated julius sometime too

[therenobee]

what are the coolest dragons?

GUILD WARS 2 SPOILERS!!!!

Outside of D&D I think Guild Wars 2 has the best Dragons and uses them incredibly well, with each expac / living world season being dedicated to one of them at a time (with one exception)

Each Dragon in GW2 represents a kind of Metaphysical force on top of their respective flavour of magic, with each expac story revolving around how to destroy an Elder Dragon in a way that doesnt end up destroying the world by unleashing that concentrated primal energy that makes up the universe.

my two favorite of the group are Kralkatorrik and Mordremoth.

With Kralkatorrik, his whole deal is they represent Crystal and Fury- They have the power to pop in and out of the psudo-afterlife-time dimension called the Mysts and their Crystal breath turns you into a glass pincushion demon bound to their will.

One of the consequences of them being able to use the afterlife as a napping nook is the human gods nope the fuck out of reality leaving the human race AND THE HUMAN AFTERLIFE to fend for themselves leaving The Mummy from The Mummy (Played by Nolan North) to take free reign over godhood.

Oh btw they are fucking huge...

The sheer size of Kralkatorrik is insane- one quest has you flying inside of its maw, and its expac postgame zone is its entire body

And Kralkatorrik is not even the BIGGEST Elder Dragon (that tiny spec on the platform is a big metal golem)

So yeah, one expacs deal is trying to find a way to kill Titanus Doug in a way that doesnt end up breaking the firmament, plunging the whole of the physical realm into a primordial soup

(BTW not once... but TWICE can you have to fly into the maw of an Elder Dragon)

Now lets talk about Mordremoth, the Elder Dragon of Plants and Minds.

"Hey man, got any games in your brain?"

Now hold on, hear me out. Mordremoth is fucking sick as hell.

So after the main game, the first expac starts off with the main races starting a zeppelin crusade against Mordremoth, flying into their domain and blowing up every fiscus that even looks at you funny.

Which immediately goes to shit after 1/4 of the crusade goes insane.

One of the main races- One of the PLAYER RACES has their brains scrambled by Mordremoth because hey, they are plant people and Mordremoth's whole deal (who we know very little about at this point) is messing with plants and brain (Including plant King Arthur who is leading the crusade with LITERAL EXCALIBRE)

So his expac has you lead a nearly annihilated party of scouts across Uncle Fern's Naked Puzzle Greenhouse to his lair in the hopes of killing him and BREAKING HIS HOLD ON 1/4 OF THE GAMES POPULATION. The last stretch of which requires you to play a MOBA game against his Generals before reaching his true lair.

Now hold on, hear me out. It is a MOBA-like game... but you arent the heroes. You and 50 other players are the creep, the little things that get fucking gutted by try hards in League.

That picture above is just his psyche you have to fight inside plant King Arthur's mind, his physical form actually looks like this.

Also Lena Raine did their theme

[ultimateloserboy]

SONIC PRIME RAMBLES!!!!

SPOILERS FOR SEASON TWO AHEAD!!!

(sorry if the screenshots are a bit mushy i was taking them quick)

firstly of course id like to mention these two. i love how when sonic is playing around and talking to himself, shadow just nods along. he didnt tell sonic to shut the fuck up, he just waited until he got his zoomies out. he even slightly participated! i just love how when shadow is cooled down a bit he’s actually pretty used to sonic and doesnt mind his silliness, it only makes him genuinely upset when it’s not the right time or place. and sure this also isnt the right time or place, but seeing as hes been blessed with literal gay magic i think shadow mightve given him a pass. that or shadow is never actually as pissed as he tries to be. which i also believe, because he plays around during fights. i think hes having fun too. hes just trying to ignore it in favor of the overall mission, which is completely fair and is kinda needed. without shadow sonic would have no fucking clue what to do hed just be running around spitting off cheesy one liners like an idiot, but without sonic shadow would be all alone with nobody but space rocks and his pissy attitude. sonic does provide shadow with fun, and everyone needs a little fun and positivity. sonic makes him happy and keeps him entertained but he’d never admit that. they balance each other out in such a nice way. they need each other in more ways than one in my opinion.

this leads me into my favorite thing about this show: sonic is not simply the hero. he’s not just saving the day and that’s that like he thinks. it’s much more complicated. lots of people he’s met seem to have clashing opinions or views of the world, and that’s not a bad thing! most of rouges variants want to just hand over the shard and get it over with, which wouldnt help in the long run but is A REASONABLE THING TO THINK!!! shadow was never malicious he was just pissed off and he’s RIGHT! hell, i dont even think nine is wrong either!!! hes never even seen the reality that sonic is wishing for! all of these people simply want to be happy but theyre from completely different worlds in a very VERY dangerous situation, of course theres going to be conflict amongst people who ARENT the villains! because the world doesn’t revolve around sonic and in situations like these its hard to find a middle ground between COUNTLESS AMOUNTS OF PEOPLE FROM ALL AROUND THE MULTIVERSE!! i think it perfectly demonstrates how all of these people arent bad people, they simply dont view things the way sonic does and thats ok. theyre all just scared and confused and in a life or death situation. well, except for dread. that motherfuckers just crazy.

i do think nine should. maybe chill 😭😭. but i think sonic shouldve at least talked with the kid a bit more about the overall goal cuz damn. i like the parallel between shadow saying “theyre not your real friends.” and nine saying hes real. because shadow was right in a sense. nine is NOT tails. he’s REAL, sure, but hes not the real TAILS. he isnt the real tails and hes not sonics friend just because sonic knows a version of him. that doesnt mean they cant BE friends but sonic being quick to assume that nine will end up like tails was just wrong on his part. sonic was quick to assume so many things about nine because of his relation to tails, and he shouldn’t have done that. he should’ve listened to shadow. it’s all “ooo shadows such a fuckin debby downer party pooping asshole” until the universe still isnt put together and THEN people consider that yeah maybe he was a little right. harsh, but right. literally if shadow was able to go into those portals i promise you this shit wouldve been over before we even got a season two. like genuinely i feel like they keep shadow in the void simply because they need to prolong the season. and i love the content dont get me wrong but please just let him go with sonic that motherfucker really does need a babysitter. i think we need BOTH of them in the actual shatterspaces. like i said, they balance each other out. if shadow was to go on his own i honestly think he wouldnt do too good either. hed just ignore everyone else and try to get things done quickly without needing help and sure he might get a little far but eventually hed need the help and he wouldnt have it. so i think sonic and shadow together should finally be allowed to do this shit fully together so that shadow can do what he has to do and sonic can go around making friends with multiverse people and saving them from robots on the side. its a win-win people!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

i do like the fact that shadows speed is artificial so it isnt the same as sonics, or at least thats what i like to think. i know hes stuck in the void because of the chaos control he did (i think) and sonics speed might not be the only factor but i do think its interesting how they cant do the same things

but truly i think the only reason the writers are keeping them seperate is because they know damn well if they teamed up full time theyd start kissing eventually

[rosykims]

💯 🧐 🤍 for elspeth!

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.

elspeth grew up on the coast and is very enamored with the sea, so its a point of great disappointment to her that she actually doesnt like sailing that much lol, solely bc she gets super seasick!!! her family used to tease her relentlessly bc they KNOW its a weak spot in her usually infallible sense of cousland pride, but alas. she makes up for it by being an avid swimmer and spending a lot of her nights drinking with ferelden/marcher sailors lmao (prior to howe's attack)

she excels at sword combat more than anything (she's wielded dual long swords in dao since i first designed her character, but for consistency's sake i recently changed her to a great sword girly since warriors cant dual wield in later titles) . that being said fun fact she's also very adept with a crossbow. varric would be proud tbh. this came about naturally as a result of years and years of hunting expeditions with her father and loghain, usually on horseback. she's not a rapid fire archer and her skills with a bow are pretty abysmal so she wouldnt last long against multiple enemies, but against single targets she can do a LOT of precision damage with a little time, half decent aim, and a few very large bolts lol

prior to dao, elspeth had never traveled anywhere outside of ferelden except for ostwick once when she was about 7 or 8 for the famous free marches grand tourney - which of course inspired her love for the tradition/sport of it. since they take place once every 3 years and move locations each time, she never had an opportunity to revist the event (which sort of suited her well because A. seasickness lol, and B. she's a homebody and feels pretty content to live and die in ferelden) but she HAD planned to fight in the tourney until the highever massacre soured the idea of it forever. now she tries to attend the event in between her grey warden travels and off-duty brooding, but she's more content to watch and appreciate the spectacle of it.

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

i think she does kind of outgrow this but at the start of dao she is. ridiculously, comically naive. she had such a strong sense of good and evil, right and wrong, law and chaos, etc. and honestly also a bit of a superiority complex bc she truly believed she would turn out to be an unshakeable, unquestionably heroic figure that nobody could ever speak a bad word abt lol. then the blight happened and she joined the wardens and hey, turns out being a "hero" actually means making a LOT of shitty choices which usually end up hurting people, and youre rarely ever going to get recognition or thanks or appreciation for the pain youve endured (or inflicted). its a really hard reality check for her, but a necessary one i think.

she's a monarchist through and through, and she places a LOT of unnecessary value on bloodlines and lineage. it stems from just being a noble and having her whole world revolve around family names and heritage and land and titles and entitlement lol. also growing up with romanticized stories of her family and the other ferelden nobility fighting to end the occupation. so for that reason she DEEPLY believes a theirin needs to sit on the denerim throne (i mean, people in her family straight up DIED to get moira and later maric on the throne a few decades prior) and inevitably pushes alistair to become king at the end of dao. she also moves to make baelen king in orzammar despite disliking him SO much and finding him SO repellent lol, because her conviction and belief in monarchical systems outweighs her own doubts when push comes to shove

also her martyr complex :/ elspeth wants to be a hero. she wants to be good, and dutiful and honorable and strong. and i think the trauma and grief she's carried since the blight has caused her to always fall just short of those feelings, and so she uses self sacrifice as a crutch in a way to cope with that. she honestly views suffering as a sort of catharsis during and after the blight, as if it atones for all the difficult choices shes made and the horrible things she couldnt prevent. she deliberately self sabotages good things in her life because she believes she doesnt deserve them, or usually because she thinks shes doing the "honorable" thing in one way or another. again as an example, making alistair king. outside of the monarchist viewpoint, she also does it because she truly believes she's protecting him from dying in the grey wardens. even though thats not her choice to make, she throws away a happy normal life with him because even the possibility of losing him scares her so much

🧐 FACE WITH MONOCLE — is your oc more logical or emotional?

this is a hard one! honestly, i think both sides of the coin have their pros and cons and i think its better to be strictly on one side or the other bc at least then your motives are consistent. the problem with elspeth is that shes too emotional to be considered logical, and too logical to be considered emotional. which leads her to making a lot of hypocritical choices and then developing a boatload of insecurity about her own flawed belief systems. eg: she's wary of magic and mages in general, and although she advocates for their rights and is firmly pro mage during the da2/dai conflict, she dislikes apostasy and detests blood magic. or at least WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DO IT lol. she allowed connor to die in redcliffe bc she didnt trust jowan to perform the ritual, which has obviously weighed on her conscience ever since. especially because, only a few months later, she allowed morrigan to perform god-knows-what kind of taboo, blood magic-esque ritual to save alistair from potentially dying via archdemon.

shes a very complicated person. shes someone who really wants to be good, but also really wants to be right. and as she's gotten older those words have lost their meaning but not their value, and so it usually just ends up with her making impossible calls based on outdated beliefs she stubbornly clings to, and then torturing herself about it forever. yay !!!

[drabbles-mc]

the way i cannot BELIEVE my life had this get lost in the shuffle and i'm only juST NOW GETTING TO IT!!!! diving in headlong. i've got my brass knuckles on for Brandon already

Jax laid down with that lazy leer of his and had requested, “Sit on my face.” McKenzie didn’t hesitate to oblige and now in the aftermath, she rested in his arms spent and satisfied. <- HELLLLLL YEAAAAHHHHH!!! honestly???? she deserves that. all of that and more

omg Prospect!Jax lore, my beloved. i can picture it all so clearly. so ambitious and yet still so dumb. whatta guy!!!! and to rope Opie into it, bless

“Bro, as soon as he saw it was just a flesh wound, he slapped me so fucking hard, I landed against the pool table.” <- i shouldn't have laughed but i did. jax getting fuckin CLAPPED

“I don’t know who Voldemort is, but yeah, I agree with your dad, too. I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” <- jax, you and draco might have a couple things in common i fear 😂😅

There is, but McKenzie’s just about reached her Brandon quota for the day. <- she has a far more forgiving quota than i do lmao

His goal, for the time being, would be scheming the right way to go about it. And, of course, maybe have some fun at Teller’s expense in the process. <- i know he's a fictional character. i KNOWWWWW he's a fictional character. i still wanna get a couple good shots in on him. i think it would fix me even if it wouldn't fix him

“And your stomachs full. Lord knows half of y’all can’t cook,” she throws in. <- she's so so right for this lmao

WINGMAN SAIRAH I'M SCREAMINGGGG 😂 god i've missed this girl so much. hugging her through my screen

I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. It’s not easy for a lot of men, but I don’t want to be that guy. <- i don't even wanna hear it!!!!!! i don't wanna hear it. "man enough". gagging at the thought of it. this fucking guy

“Not for you,” Sairah jumps in. / “I wasn’t talking to you,” Brandon snaps. / Rev cuts his eyes, “Watch it.” <- this quick little volley had me experiencing the entire gamut of human emotion wtf. i love sairah so much. i hate brandon so much. i'd fight an army for rev. many many emotions

His smarmy smirk returns. “What? You don’t trust me enough to meet in private?” <- no she sure the fuck DOESNT!!!!!!!!!!!

“God, I hate a dumb bitch. Especially when she actually seems sweet.”  <- i'll kiss Sairah on the mouth right now don't test me 😂

the way my heart hurts so bad for McKenzie in this conversation but at the same time i am LIVINGGGG for her tearing brandon to shreds. i want her to hit him with the chair for good measure

“That’s enough.” / “Or what?” <- my heart is in my fucking THROAT because i don't trust that man as far as i can throw him

GOOD SAMARITAN INTERVENTION SAVING ME AND MCKENZIE RIGHT NOW. my fucking heart palpitations. i'm losing my mind

EZEKIEL?????????????

okay okay okay. moving along. trying not to get lost in the thought of EZ's cameo. trying trying trying

the deepest irony in the world revolving around Jax trying to get someone to talk about their feelings/life/etc instead of using sex as a distraction when he could be the mascot for that particular brand of behavior

Jax shifts, pulling her closer into his chest, rubbing her back. Her heavy cries cause his stomach to sink, the reality of her angst coming back with much more force than the inklings of unease she displayed when she first got here. <- now I'M crying 😭 jax and i are gonna roll out and murder brandon i swear to GODSS

I Don't Wanna Be Unfair | Chapter 10

Pairing: Jax Teller x OC Series Masterlist

Summary/synopsis: Fresh off a broken engagement, McKenzie Gilbert has a one night stand with a random guy she never plans to see again. Soon after, their paths cross, which complicates several situations at hand.

Chapter warning(s): language, implied smut, BRANDON, discussion of cheating/manipulation

WC: 7.1k

McKenzie let out a content sigh as she rolled off of Jax and tucked into his side. She glanced up at him and was met with a playful smirk as the SAMCRO president cuddled even closer to her.

“You really enjoyed that.”

She rolled her eyes and gave him a light shove, “You knew what you were doing.”

As they wrestled their clothes off while stumbling into his bedroom earlier, Jax laid down with that lazy leer of his and had requested, “Sit on my face.” McKenzie didn’t hesitate to oblige and now in the aftermath, she rested in his arms spent and satisfied.

Jax moved from his back over to his stomach and sent her a flirty wink before fluttering his eyes in relaxation. Her eyes roamed over his back and they were drawn to the scarred tissue hidden clandestine within his tattoos. The layered edges of the hole told her it was a gunshot wound. She was too enthralled with their hookup to pay much attention during their first night together, but now it seemed blaringly obvious that the man had a sketchy past. Except for as long as she could remember, her entire life had consisted of morally gray men with hearts of gold. 

In a way, he was the most perfectly fitting guy in terms of potential relationships. Brandon was an MC outlaw, sure, but he had joined the life as a means of escape. Jax had been raised in the culture just like she had.

“So how did you get that?”

Jax glanced at her with a hint of confusion.

“The gunshot wound on your back?” It was genuine curiosity, but she realized that it might not be a comfortable topic for him, “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he said with that easy grin of his, “I was a fucking prospect.”

He laughed at himself, at the memories, before venturing into the story, “Red Woody wasn’t always Red Woody. At first, one of our brother’s wives, Luann, had started the company. It was called Cara Cara back then. The club helped her get the building for it and it definitely wasn’t easy. One time, we were so close to the point where JT, my dad, was going to go co-sign the papers the very next day. Then, the realtor calls and says someone put in a better bid and our deal was off. Turns out it was some loser trying to sell hunting gear. There aren’t even any fucking bears in Charming, much less deer,” Jax and McKenzie chuckled together at the commentary. “Me being the prospect and trying to impress my old man, I grab Ope and say ‘Bro, let’s go mess with him a little, convince him to take his shitty little hunting store outta town.’ We find out where he lives and no one’s home, so we snoop around. Found the sale papers from the realtor deal and decided, shit, if there’s no proof of sale, the deal might as well be off. We were gonna rip up the papers and challenge the realtor.”

McKenzie interrupts, “You know the realtor would’ve had copies of those exact papers, right?”

“Yes, I know that now, smart ass.” Jax pokes at her stomach and enjoys her ticklish grins.

“Anyway, we thought we were home alone. Turns out the fucker was just in his back shed with the doors closed. Sneaky as fuck because I didn’t even hear him come in. I just happened to see him pointing a gun at Ope out of the corner of my eye and I jumped in front of him because I knew he wouldn’t react in time. I don’t really remember much after that except for us getting the fuck out of dodge right after. Ope had to practically hold me up himself until we got to the bikes.”

“Damn,” McKenzie whistled in amazement. Humor danced in her eyes, though, as she continued, “If your dad’s anything like mine, then I know he was not amused.”

“Bro, as soon as he saw it was just a flesh wound, he slapped me so fucking hard, I landed against the pool table.”

McKenzie’s cackles filled the room and they only grew louder as Jax laid out the punishment chores he and Opie got assigned not longer after that ill-fated stunt. 

It was only after her laughter died out did she have the chance to remark, “I’m sorry, Jax, but that was really fucking stupid. You absolutely deserve the punishment you got.”

Jax grinned, “I know.” His sigh is filled with notions of bittersweet. It was a fun, chaotic memory that he and his best friend would always share, but it also was a reminder of how quickly things could go left. “The same way my dad was hard on me, I’m sure that’s why your pops was so hard on Brandon. The look of horror on my pop’s face when I burst in with blood pooling all on my side and back was the same look your dad had when he realized Sweets was shot.”

He pauses for a minute before considering. “Sorry, maybe it’s not the best idea to bring your ex up.”

“It’s fine. He’s not Voldemort,” she shrugs. “Besides, it’s not like he’s going anywhere. If my dad was right about one thing, it’s that I might as well get used to being around him.”

“I don’t know who Voldemort is, but yeah, I agree with your dad, too. I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Well, one: we’re definitely going to have to fix that. And two: thanks. I’m good. Trust me.”

Jax nods, throwing his arm around her waist. “He’s an asshole but that doesn’t mean I want the guy to get killed doing something stupid, y’know?”

“I can definitely get that. Maybe even more than you do. Brandon’s always been an act first, think later type of person. I know he means well in the moment, but sometimes he has a habit of getting himself and others into trouble too.” 

“I feel like there’s a story in there somewhere.”

There is, but McKenzie’s just about reached her Brandon quota for the day. She also hates that Jax and SAMCRO are now caught up in mess caused by her ex-fiance. Even more than that, she hates that she can tell that this is all weighing on Jax.

“I’m sorry.” She strokes his cheek, their eyes locking. “You’re responsible for keeping your men safe and I know that has to be a lot of pressure and stress.”

She sees it every day. The toll it takes when you’re responsible for the lives of others. How it’s even more aggrandized when the people you’re protecting are also people that you deeply care for. She’s watched SAMCRO over the past several weeks, taking note of the close bonds weaved within them. It didn’t take her long to realize the parallels she sees with the Street Wolves. They’re more than just a club. They’re a brotherhood. A family.

Jax gazes at her, wearing a look that she can’t quite interpret. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head. “It’s just that, I guess you do know. Our lives aren’t quite so different…”

“Maybe not, but then again, being a family member of the club is still different than actually being a member.”

Jax tilts his head, “If you, Lisa, or Sairah are anything like the women affiliated with SAMCRO, you’re a part of the club in your own way.” He pushes himself up off the bed. “Thank you, though. Seriously.”

McKenzie smiles at him, the sheets bunched up over her. 

“You want something to drink?” He asks as he gets up.

“I’m good.” 

Jax nods before disappearing outside his bedroom door with McKenzie shuffling under the covers. She watches the door he just exited from, unable to characterize just how far her empathy goes for him. 

***

Brandon sat alone outside on the pathway next to the Garden’s parking lot, his eyes glued to Jax’s Dyna amongst the row of bikes near the front of the bar. It’s been two days since he learned about Jax’s past and he’s yet to come to a decision about just what to do about it. He knew he needed to be strategic with the information he’s learned about the SAMCRO president, using it to be its most effectual in getting his way.

The thing is that he’s not sure whether he wants to share what he’s learned of Teller’s past with the rest of the crew yet. Sure, it would be nice to expose the man’s dirty laundry and let his brothers know what kind of grimy man they were doing business with, but it was currently the only card he had to play at the moment. He wondered whether playing it close to the chest was the more clever move to make instead of losing his upper hand so quickly. 

He wasn’t sure yet what to do, but he knew he was going to do something. He can acknowledge that he fucked up, but one would be hard-pressed to convince him that Gil and Rev wouldn’t have chastised him so harshly had it not been for Jax and SAMCRO. And it was pure bullshit. It was one of the Street Wolves after all that got shot, so he didn’t even understand why Gil felt apologetic towards them. They were outlaws, too. They knew the risks. 

Jax wasn’t going to continue walking around like he ran the place. Brandon wouldn’t let him. 

He had every intention of putting the man in his place. Of making sure that he knew that this was still Street Wolves territory and that he wasn’t in charge. 

His goal, for the time being, would be scheming the right way to go about it. And, of course, maybe have some fun at Teller’s expense in the process.

***

Jax steps into the entertainment area of the Street Wolves’ club house, following the aromatic wafts of hashbrowns, grits, and pancakes. A few of the Wolves, along with Bobby and Juice, were already congregating in the room, watching Lisa and Ace unfold the aluminum sheets over the pans of brunch food. They circled the food like lions do their prey and Jax couldn’t blame them. He could already feel his mouth watering from the aroma alone.

“Mornin’,” he greets Rev who’s closest to the door, leaning against the wall with a book in hand. 

“Hey, man. You doing alright?” 

They dap each other up before Jax mimics his stance, leaning next to him. 

“Yep. You?”

“Good. Went to visit Sweets this morning. He was grouchy because I woke him up, but otherwise doing fine considering.”

“Good, that’s good.” Jax muses. His eyes veer back to the brunch spread when Lisa heads downstairs to get plates and utensils. Brandon is standing next to Ace chatting, but his gaze locks with the SAMCRO president instantly, morphing into a smug smirk. Jax’s eyebrows furrow in response, but Brandon is back to his conversation with Ace before he can dwell on it any further.

“Yeah,” Rev continues, “He’ll probably sit home and recuperate for the rest of the week, but that old dog’ll probably be back in no time.” 

Jax chuckles, “I’d expect nothing less. I think I heard him and Chibs making plans to take a ride out to Fresno.”

They both turn towards the door when Lisa returns with McKenzie and Sairah following closely behind. 

“Morning, guys,” Sairah greets.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Rev brings her in for a one-armed hug before pulling McKenzie in for one as well. 

“I don’t have to go into the office until later. Plus I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a hot meal for breakfast.” Sairah turns to Jax. “You don’t know life until you’ve tried my mom’s pecan pancakes.”  

“Well, then I can’t wait to truly start life,” Jax smirks. He avoids more than a few seconds of eye contact with McKenzie, not intent on Sairah clocking anything between them. 

The brief conversation that carries between them pauses once Gil makes his presence known. He addresses the whole room wishing everyone a good morning. 

“Let’s eat,” he enjoins.

The Street Wolves president led the line to grab food, taking loaded servings of all of his wife’s cooking while simultaneously addressing everybody.

“Rev and I went to go see Sweets this morning. He’s doing well, back to his crabby ass self. Cussed us out for being on his doorstep so early in the morning.” The group laughed, the Street Wolves being all too familiar with how much Sweets prioritized his sleep. “He’ll take it easy for the rest of the week, but I’m sure he'll be back in action not long after. Can’t keep an old dog down.”

He continues, “Otherwise, it’s business as usual. Lisa organized this brunch just to keep everyone’s spirits lifted.”

“And your stomachs full. Lord knows half of y’all can’t cook,” she throws in.

Laughter convenes among the group, a gloomy weight lifted off the room. Everyone sits, enjoying their food and making conversation with each other. Jax, McKenzie, Sairah, and Rev all sit towards the end of the long table, chattering amongst themselves.

“So, Jax, do you have a girlfriend?” 

Jax nearly chokes on his piece of bacon as he registers Sairah’s question. Rev snickers. McKenzie eyes the parsley on her grits with more attention than necessary.

“Uh, no…” he finally answers. 

McKenzie gives a sly grin before taking a sip of her orange juice. 

He continues, “I’m single.”

Sairah hums in response. “Nice to know. Now that you’re in Highwater more often, you’ve got a whole new dating pool to explore. Shoot, I’ve got co-workers who want to take a walk on the wild side who’d probably go a round with you.”

“Why do I feel like this is the beginning of a trap?”

“Oh, no such thing,” she says, sipping on her drink with an air of innocence, “Just know that if you’re ever looking for some potential connects, I’m your girl.”

Rev jumps in, “Don’t fall for it, man. I let her set me up on a date once. Never again.” 

“I warned you ahead of time that Cosette was a stage 5 clinger. Not my fault that you kept messing around with her after I told you she’d get attached.” 

Jax and McKenzie both laughed in amusement watching Sairah and Rev go at it. 

“It’s everyday with those two,” McKenzie remarks.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Laughter stops and all four pairs of eyes veer to the source of the new voice in their midst. Brandon approaches them, standing adjacent to where Jax and McKenzie sat. McKenzie leans closer into his sister’s space, a move not lost on Sairah or Jax. 

“First, I just wanted to apologize to you,” his words targeted at Jax. “I put SAMCRO in just as much danger as my fellow Street Wolves with the stunt I pulled. Despite my good intentions, I put everyone’s lives at risk and that wasn’t fair. I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong. It’s not easy for a lot of men, but I don’t want to be that guy.”

Jax would feel appreciative of Brandon’s words if it wasn’t for the smug smirk that colored his face as he finished his spiel. Hearing the words alone, he might’ve paid it no mind, but there was an undertone of arrogance as if Jax was supposed to catch some underlying meaning in his words. 

Still, he stands up and shakes Brandon’s hand, feeling the eyes on him. “I appreciate that, man.”

“Yeah, I just wanted to get that out there. I mean, the last thing I’d want to be is on your bad side, y’know what I mean?” 

Jax’s eyebrows furrow, disquieted by the man’s forced smile. 

“Anyway…” Brandon turns to McKenzie. “You got a minute?”

“Not for you,” Sairah jumps in.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Brandon snaps.

Rev cuts his eyes, “Watch it.” 

Immediately, McKenzie puts her arms up, not intent on another tension-filled encounter between her sister and ex. 

“It’s fine,” she says. Truth be told, she’d rather be anywhere than stuck in a conversation with him, but it’s nowhere near the first time she’s settled to do things she doesn’t want to do in order to keep the peace. 

She leads them out into the hallway and veers towards the end. She glances at the dorm room that her and Jax had had their shower tryst in and feels her cheeks warm at the memory. The idea of being blocked into any space with Brandon in her way sends unease through her, so she aims to lean against the wall that’s still not far from view of anyone eating in the rec room. 

Crossing her arms against her chest, she sighs, “What is it?”

“I wanted to ask if we could go and talk. Somewhere tonight? Or maybe tomorrow?”

McKenzie stares at him, searching for his angle.

“…why?” She finally asks.

He sighs, taking a step closer before halting at the sight of her tensing. He steps back, looking directly at her.

“I just have some things to get off my chest. I’ve had some time to think about things. Reflect.  Pauletta’s been helping me work through some things.”

McKenzie immediately scoffs. 

“I’m just trying to be a better man for her. And she thinks that us moving forward in our relationship would go a lot smoother if we air things out for good.”

She hums, “So you’re doing this for her?” 

“I’m doing this for myself. I have a lot of things I need to get off my chest. About our relationship. About everything that happened. I don’t want to go around carrying all this guilt. We both deserve to move on for good, and in order for that to happen, you need to know the full truth.”

McKenzie stood there, taking in his words. Trying to decipher whether it was genuine or just a bunch of bull. The guy before her sounds a lot more mature and introspective than the man she was in a relationship with for several years. It takes her back to the beginning of their dynamic, when she fell in love with him. The realization leaves a weight tugging in her stomach.

Brandon presses. “I’ll leave you alone after this, I promise.” 

Ultimately, she knew he wouldn’t give in until she gave him the answer she wanted, but it didn’t take long for her to truly consider for herself that she wanted to hear what he had to say. Her confidence was waning, but, on the off chance, that he had a genuine reason behind how he’s treated her, she wants to hear it. 

She finally agrees. “Fine. But we’ll do it somewhere public.”

His smarmy smirk returns. “What? You don’t trust me enough to meet in private?”

No source of humor shows on McKenzie’s face. His smile falls at the seriousness in her eyes. 

“Okay,” he finally says with a nod. “We can meet up at the coffee shop you like on Swan Street? Does tomorrow work for you?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.” He starts to head back to go eat. “I’ll see you then.”

She gives a slight nod before waiting a moment, allowing him to enter first before heading back to where she was sitting. Jax and Rev have just finished with their meals and are catching up with Gil on the opposite end of the room.

Immediately, Sairah pressed her, “What the hell did he want?”

McKenzie gives a light shrug, “He just wants to talk.’’

“About what?”

“I don’t know. I guess he’s looking for closure? He just said he wants us to have it out. Explain things. We’re gonna meet up at the cafe tomorrow.”

Hesitation covers her little sister’s face. Her voice lowers as she asks, “You’re not…you’re not thinking of getting back together with him, are you?” 

“Are you shitting me?” The stark disbelief on McKenzie’s face immediately answers her question. “Hell no! He’s on his ‘better man’ bullshit, apparently. I guess things with him and Pauletta are progressing mighty fine…”

“God, I hate a dumb bitch. Especially when she actually seems sweet.” 

McKenzie sighs, “Well, it’s whatever. He’s not my problem anymore, so hopefully this is the end.”

***

McKenzie sat at the table set near the window, her anxiety on a ten as she waited for her ex-fiance. He was already ten minutes late and she was beyond ready to get this over with. She’d give him five more minutes before she texted him to fuck off and stop wasting her time. 

“You need anything, sweetheart?” The young, kind waitress approaches her table, having just cleaned the adjacent one. 

“Oh, no thanks. I’m just waiting for someone.”

The woman nods with a smile while heading back to her cashier post towards the back of the coffee shop. The bell above the door jingles and McKenzie’s attention turns towards the figure walking in. Brandon. 

At first, he steps towards the register, but immediately veers towards McKenzie once he spots her. 

“Hey. Thanks for meeting me here,” he greets as he sits. “Sorry I was a little late.”

McKenzie waves her hand in dismissal, sitting up in her chair. “It’s fine.”

“I actually was gonna try and be here earlier but I’m still earning my way back in your dad and Rev’s good graces. They made me clean all the bikes and the last shit I need is them on my ass about a missed spot or something. Plus, Teller was there. Didn’t need him ratting me out to them.”

McKenzie furrows her eyebrows. “What’s your beef with Teller?”

“Nothing. He’s a dick and I don’t think he’s gonna be much of a problem for any longer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Brandon glares at her, scoffing. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’re kissing his ass like everybody else. You don’t know him as well as you think you do.”

McKenzie swallowed thickly at the comment. It was for her sake that Brandon wasn’t privy to just how well McKenzie knew Jax. Physically, at least.

Whatever was up Brandon’s ass was irrelevant and she didn’t want to venture further into a conversation about Jax, so she switches gears. 

“What did you want to talk about?”

Brandon takes the bait, veering back to the topic at hand. “I don’t really know where to start. I know I put you through a lot. With the cheating and everything… I’ll tell you anything you want to know. But I figured you deserve the full story, so I guess I’ll start from the beginning?”

When they had first broken up, she had wished for this honesty. It was what she was owed in her mind. Now, she’s not sure she even cares. 

Her nod is mechanical as she waits to listen to what she’s not so sure she wants to hear. 

“OK, so the first time I cheated on you, it was a mistake. Truly. I don’t even know if you remember that night but I remember that we had got into that big fight. You got mad because I was working behind the bar and thought I was flirting with one of the customers.”

“I remember.” She interjects.

Brandon nods. “It just spiraled from there. You kept saying that you felt like something was off, that we were distant.” 

“Well, I wasn’t crazy for thinking that,” she mutters.

Brandon hangs his head. “No, I guess you weren’t. I was just so pissed after that argument that I went for a ride. Landed in the town over. No one knew me. Knew that I was in a relationship. It just felt good. Familiar. To not have any responsibilities or someone who people are dependent on. It felt easy. And things with us were the opposite of that, so I chased the feeling. The cheating just… happened.”

McKenzie stared at him, watching him as he explained his inner thoughts at the time. She’d give anything to look away.

The words flow out of her mouth harshly. “It didn’t just happen. You made a deliberate choice. Wanting to escape your responsibilities, I can get that, but there’s a difference between taking some time away and putting your dick in another woman. Multiple, actually.”

Brandon doesn’t even bother denying it. “I get it. At first, drinking was enough for escape. But shit, I drink even when I’m not looking for an escape, so there’s only so much that can help. I needed more. Someone else to distract me from our problems. And then… I mean the more I did it, the better it felt. And I should’ve told you, I know that, but cheating seemed easier and it would only make our issues multiply, had I been honest.”

It’s only with impulse control that she doesn’t slam her fist down on the table to get him to stop talking. 

She takes in a shaky breath before finally asking. “How many women did you bring back to our place?”

“...Do you really want to know?” Brandon fidgets in his seat, rubbing at his mouth first before scratching the back of his head.

McKenzie nods.

“Six.”

“Six times.” Her throat clenches as she repeats him. “And it was six different women?”

She feels her nose burning watching him nod. Her eyes shone with hurt and anger. “What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you have not told me any of this? I don’t get it. I don’t know why you did any of this. Why you asked me to move in with you. Why you asked me to marry you. You’ve been stringing me along for over a year!”

“I just told you why, McKenzie. Because it was easier. I mean, come on,” he sighs exasperatedly. “Did you really think we were gonna make it down the aisle? That we were gonna be together forever? There’s no way you can look me in the eye and tell me that.” 

“I thought things were hard but I think giving me a ring sent a pretty clear signal that you were willing to put in effort to make things work. Supposed to, anyway.” She snapped. “I mean, talk about fucking mixed signals. What kind of logic were you expecting me to have to think that you saying you wanted to marry me meant that you actually wanted to break up? You should’ve just grown a pair and told me the truth.”

Brandon’s eyes narrow in frustration. “You aren’t naive, McKenzie. You knew that I wasn’t happy. And don’t delude yourself into thinking you were happy either. Our relationship was crumbs. Shit, by the end, we were barely sleeping together.” 

“That didn’t fucking stop you from getting it somewhere,” she bit out before releasing a shaky, resigned breath. “I know that things were difficult, but I wasn’t ready to give up, Brandon. You giving me that ring made me think that you weren’t ready to give up, either. Made me think that you still loved me and that we’d get through the rough patch. But you didn’t mean any of that shit and I really, really wish you would’ve just been upfront with me.”

“It’s not like I can go back and change what happened. All I can do is apologize and hope that we can move forward. I fucked up, I know that. All I can do from here is be better and move on.”

“Yeah, with your new girl.”

Brandon scoffs. “So that’s what you’re pissed about? Because I’m with someone new?”

“I’m pissed because I wasted five years of my life fully committed to you, loving you, standing by you when you were off sleeping with God knows how many women. And then what, days after you break up with me, you not only have a new girl, but you’re parading her around me and my family like nothing happened? And now the kicker is that you’re sitting in front of me that you two have gotten so serious to the point where you’ve had this epiphany that now you should be a better man. She means that much to you. But me? Your former fiancee couldn’t have been given enough respect to sit down and have an honest conversation until after the damage is done? I loved you for years and not once did you have the decency to break things off the right way. I don’t mean shit to you, I see that now. I was just a placeholder until something better came along for you.”

Her response is bitter and yet it’s the lightest she’s ever felt now that she’s finally gotten it off her chest. The discomfort and agitation that Brandon displays while clenching his neck means little to her. She just did what she had never gotten to do since everything went to shit: said her piece. 

“McKenzie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I should’ve broken up with you way before this. There’s a million things I should’ve done. We were never going to work. And you’ve gotta know that. Our relationship wasn’t good for either of us.”

“All the more reason why you should’ve said something. My only fault here is for being stupid enough to believe you or any or your bullshit.”

“McKenzie-”

“No,” she cuts him off. “I don’t need to hear any of your justifications. You want to ‘move on’, then fine, but I’m not absolving you.”

“Kenz-”

“I wish I had never met you,” McKenzie blurts out, unable to stop in hiding her feelings. She ignores how his expression darkens. “I wish I never fell for you. I wish I never worked so hard to make sure that my dad and family approved of you. And I sure as hell wish I never said yes to you. Every bad thing in my life points back to you.”

Brandon’s voice sharpens even in his low tone. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do. With everything in me. And I don’t even know why you would care since my feelings never mattered to you. All you ever did was hurt me, and I let you. But not anymore.” Her voice gets louder as she continues, filled with more ire as she watches outrage contort his face. “I’m so sick and tired of you blaming me for things that aren’t my fault. I’m not letting you do that to me anymore, either.”

“Keep your voice down,” he hisses. 

“Don’t tell me what the fuck to do!” His words that were aimed at getting her to calm down only set her off. “You don’t get to control me.”

“That’s enough.”

“Or what?”

By now, their harsh exchange of words had captured more than a few eyes. 

She didn’t care. She was tired of making herself small for others. Especially him. As far as everyone was concerned, she hoped the unintentional witnesses of their outburst enjoyed the show. She got out practically everything she needed to say to him, so she breathed another heavy sigh before closing what was hopefully their final chapter.

“You’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” she says, her voice lowered but still firm. “You ruined my life, and you’re probably gonna do the same to poor Pauletta but that’s none of my business. You can sit here and try to feel better about yourself, but you’re a pathetic excuse of a man. I don’t know if it’s because you were so miserable with me, or if it’s because you hate yourself and want to make others feel that way, too, but that’s none of my business either. Because I’m done. I don’t care to hear any of your explanations anymore. It doesn’t matter. None of that changes what you did to me. And I can walk around the Garden and pretend you don’t exist, but that doesn’t mean we’re good, because we’re not. Have a nice fucking life.”

McKenzie gets up and grabs her things. She walks past his seat to head for the exit when Brandon grabs her arm tightly. 

Absolute fury shines in his eyes. “You better watch your mouth, McKenzie.”

His intimidation should have brought forth fear, but she can’t help the chuckle that escapes her. 

“You can’t hide it for long, can you? Your anger. You come in here on your ‘better man’ bullshit and the second I piss you off, you resort back to old habits.”

His hold tightens, a now painful grasp. 

“Let me go,” she grits out. 

He holds tight, a nasty snarl on his lips that was unfortunately familiar. She contemplates snatching the chair out from under him with each nanosecond that passes.

“Excuse me,” an unfamiliar figure approaches. “Let her go. Right now.” 

She had no idea who the man was, but watches as he pushes against Brandon’s chest with just enough force to get him to let go. The second she was free, she immediately stepped back, holding her arm to her chest.

Brandon launches out of his seat. “Mind your gaddamn business.” 

The anonymous man still stood in front of McKenzie unflinchingly. 

“Pretty sure half the cafe heard your business, hermano. Sounds like you’ve done enough, so why don’t you take a walk?” The guy spoke roughly, pointing towards the door. McKenzie watches Brandon scoff, measuring up the man. He shakes his head, taking a few steps back before narrowing his eyes at her.

“You’re right about one thing. Being with you was the worst mistake of my life.”

He stormed out of the cafe, the door slamming forcefully after him. McKenzie ran her hand through her hair, letting out a huge breath.

After making sure Brandon is gone for good, the man looks back to McKenzie. She feels her eyes burn again as she realizes that people are only just now resuming their attention to their own tables after the whole fiasco. 

“Are you okay, ma’am?” The man asks softly.

“Yes.” McKenzie swallows, slowly nodding. “Yeah, I’m good, really. Thank you…”

“Ezekiel,” he introduced with a kind smile. 

“Thank you, Ezekiel.” 

She attempts to slide past him, desperate to get out of here, before he asks, “Did you need me to walk you to your car or anything?”

McKenzie shakes her head, “No thanks but I appreciate it. Have a good night.”

She left the coffee shop without another word, her head down until the night air hit her face. Once she settles into her car, her head lolls back on the headrest, her eyes closed. She wasn’t sure what to do now. She didn’t know whether to head home to her sister’s house, stop by her parent’s or drive around with no destination. The encounter she just had is taking up all the space in her mind and she needs it to leave. She finds herself dialing a number, hoping for a response as she listens to it ring.

“Hello?”

 She takes a beat before speaking, hoping emotion doesn’t crack in the tenor of her voice.

“Hey, uh, where are you right now?”

“Home. You okay?” Jax asks with mild concern.

“Yeah. Can I come over?”

He answers with zero hesitation, “Of course you can, darlin’.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you in a bit.”

She hangs up the phone, tossing it in the passenger seat before switching gears and heading to Charming. She blinks her eyes several times, unwilling to let tears mask her view of the streets. She meant it with every fiber of her being that she was tired of letting herself be controlled by Brandon. The feelings of loss still ring heavy in the demise of their relationship, but that doesn’t mean she had to let it consume her. The worst was over. Now, it was time to learn how to adjust, pick up the pieces, and continue on. She couldn’t do that with an overstimulated mind so she sought out the first place where she knew she’d be safe to just be. She loves her parents and she loves her sister, but she knows they’ll want answers if they glean how discombobulated she feels right about now. She’d have to talk, she’d have to explain. And then, she’d have to deal with whatever consequences rained Brandon’s way from her family.

With Jax, there were no expectations. 

She pulled up to his house another twenty minutes later and immediately walked up to his front door, not wasting any time. It didn’t take long for her to hear the door become unlocked and for her to be faced with just a handsome, although uncertain, face. 

“Hey…” he ventures, widening the door for her.

She practically leaped onto him, grabbing his face with both hands, and willing their lips to meet. It’s so heated that it has Jax staggering back a step before finding purchase against the open door. He kicks it closed with his foot, an arm around her waist as he carries her further into his living room. 

Their locked embrace only parts when oxygen becomes a requirement, their lips still close in proximity as they catch their breath. He pants, lost in the pout of her lips before focusing on her face as a whole. There’s something he can’t place about her demeanor. It’s laced with the desperation called for in such a steamy moment, but there’s something else slipping from under the heat. 

He doesn’t get a chance to question it before she slips down from his embrace, grabs his hand, and leads him towards his bedroom. He doesn’t resist and his eyes darken, watching her slip her shirt off, met with the sight of her braless. 

She reaches for him, her hands on him in an instant, ridding him of his own shirt before she grabbed at his belt. Her clasps his hands above hers, pausing for just a second.

“Hey…” he gathers her attention. “Before we do this…. Are you okay?”

Now that they’re looking eye to eye, he sees the emotion swimming in hers. 

“I’m fine,” she says.

She plasters on a smile. She’s successful in sliding his belt from between its loops before focusing on her own jeans. Once they’re discarded, she sits on his bed with him towering over her. He lifts her chin.

“Are you sure? Did something happen?” He reaches for her arms, wanting her to stand back up when he notices her subtle wince. His eyes veer over to her arm and he frowns at the sight of discoloration near her wrist. “What’s this?”

“Nothing,” she grabs her arm back from him. “It’s probably from work. Look, are we doing this or not?”

She’s too impatient to wait for an answer before placing a soft kiss on his abs. Her hand slips under his boxers, stroking him with a firmness that juxtaposes the delicateness of her lips on him. It took nothing for them to rid each other of the rest of their clothes, Jax admiring her curvy, regal figure in its most bare form. 

Their bodies moved at an unyielding pace as Jax covered her body with his. 

It was over much too quickly for McKenzie’s liking, despite the fact that he left her panting in satisfaction. He rolls off of her, landing on his back as he, too, catches his breath. 

Now that it’s over, McKenzie’s mind is back to racing and her ex-fiance’s words reappear to the forefront of her mind. Her arm is still tender, more so an annoying reminder that she can’t shake. It’s the gateway portal that flashes her back to the cafe. The harshness with which he spoke to her. The burning sense of worthlessness that it etched into her. The worst part is how he made her feel like she was to blame. Like he had no choice but to cheat and mistreat her and there was something she should’ve done to prevent it. It was all too overwhelming and nothing was alleviating her frazzled head.

Every ounce of concern rushed back to Jax as he looked over and took note of McKenzie’s glassy appearance as she stared up at the ceiling fan.

“Darlin’, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He reaches for her, sitting up with worry. 

“No,” she reassures. “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

She attempts to shuffle away but Jax has his arms in a hold around her waist. 

“What is it, baby?”

The more that she hears the compassion that fills his voice, the more she wants to push away from him. Because she’s seconds from crumbling with every unsuccessful attempt at blocking her evening out from her mind. It’s a battle she’s losing with tears at the brim, begging to cascade down her cheeks. 

Jax, meanwhile, had no idea what was plaguing her so deeply, but he’d never seen her so hurt before. 

His voice becomes desperate. “You can talk to me. Whatever it is.”

She looks at him, believing the sincerity in his eyes. The mirrored look of distress that distorts his face. It breaks the dam open and her tears fall with reckless abandon. A sob escapes her lips as her hands cover her face. 

Jax shifts, pulling her closer into his chest, rubbing her back. Her heavy cries cause his stomach to sink, the reality of her angst coming back with much more force than the inklings of unease she displayed when she first got here. Her body shakes in rhythm with her weeps and he grips her even closer.

What happened is no longer his concern as much as comforting her. Giving her the safe space to let go of everything she’s been holding in. He’d make it right if she’d let him, but for now, he did what he could in the moment and that was to simply hold her.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers into her ear. He’s not sure if she even registers the soft words he utters under his breath to her, but he continues anyway. Continues until her shaking ceases and she lies still in his arms.

Sleep.

The broken-hearted girl in front of him cried herself to sleep and it wrenched at him. 

He throws a hand into his hair, combing it back from his face. As he rolls onto his back, he takes her with him, clutching her to his side as he shifts into comfort. The lights are already off and darkness covers them as their breathing evens out.

She’s never stayed the night before but he wouldn’t let her leave even if she woke up and insisted. There was no way he was letting her be by herself this upset. Even if it was subconsciously, she sought him out for a reason. 

He just hoped that when the dawn rose in the morning, she’d still let him be there for her. 

A/N: Whewww can't believe it's been 2+ years since I've updated this fic. Thank you to all readers, both new and old. Lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist. Please, of course, leave reblogs and comments if you enjoyed. Love you bbs 🫶🏽

[constellaj]

top ten danny phantom episodes based solely on how gay dash is in them

i will not be ranking these based on plot, animation, or literally any other criteria ok here we go

10: Public Enemies

dash himself is not very gay in this one but danny does beat him up and he gets the angst of being possessed and not remembering what happens. also this screenshot is literally so gay

4/10 for wasted potential in proving dash is gay. this couldve gone so much harder. but bonus points for for passed out dash

9: Doctor’s Disorders

fellas is it gay to lock yourself in a bathroom stall so fenturd doesnt see the horrible monster youve become, tell him to ‘get away,’ and then pass out before being able to fight him despite being a school jock who could probably deal some damage and has a better immune system than the other kids? is it also gay to then when your entire life revolves around ghosts and having ghost powers to watch a sappy romcom while waiting for phantom to come save you? the answer is yes. 6/10 again it couldve gone harder

8: Frightmare

again dash himself isnt explicitly gay in this episode. but danny why is your ultimate dream scenario being best friends with dash and having him know your secret. it gets a higher rating than the other two bc its literally a wish fulfillment scenario aka 174% more gay. but mathematically speaking 2/10 for baiting me with dash in the first two minutes and then never bringing him back

7: Forever Phantom

“watch it, fentertainment tonight! i’m chasin’ a real somebody!” 10/10

also spending the entire episode devoted to hanging with phantom + another reference to the romance channel. not very nuanced but still very gay

6: Reality Trip

what do you think it means when the school jock finds out your secret, wastes exactly 0 time in helping you, and finds a way to shoehorn in giving you his clothes to wear while doing it. dash was only in this entire movie for like 4 minutes but damn if he wasnt homosexual for all of them 7/10

5: Ultimate Enemy

”but dash wasn’t even IN the ultimate enemy!!11!1!” EXACTLY. if older dash had been in the future with dark dan he simply would have smooched him and then there would have been no conflict. if younger dash had shown up to the big fight then dark dan wouldve broke down sobbing at what couldve been. they had to restrain dash from this entire episode bc of his power. 9/10 i know the truth.

4: Splitting Images

it is important to remember that dash has no goddamn idea that’s sidney. danny literally does 1 (one) nice thing for him and dash decides “ok well i will be his best friend and play football with him and be impressed by his skills and then throw a party and also put my hands on his shoulders several times.” this proves my point that if danny werent a little shit he and dash would already have been dating by the time the show starts. 8/10 for letting dash be mundanely gay instead of knowing anything about ghosts. it doesnt happen very often

3: Attack of the Killer Garage Sale

do you ever just get a tutor who happens to be the exact sister of that nerd you pick on and also call him a twink and then invite him to your party even though you do not have to and specifically tell him the dress code and get him at the popular kids table and then realize he might not have the money for the dress code so you intentionally seek him out to give him money for some computery thing you dont know about but you also also realize that probably isnt enough so last minute you change the entire dress code to something you know he has and wear his exact outfit to make him seem cool by comparison. do you ever do that.

also these two shots are back to back 10/10

2: Micro Management

the pièce de résistance of all dash content. im talking 20 minutes of nonstop dash. im talking taking every opportunity to talk about how cool phantom is. im talking abt getting grabbed by phantom to be saved by him. im talking abt having a mental breakdown cause you think youre not good enough. im talking about casually flirting via jokes. im talking being unable to stop thinking abt fenton even when youre face to face with your biggest hero. im talking about saying “we did it!!! :D” to cheer on said hero. im talking taking his hand. holding his hand. being lifted or pulled. im talking abt flipping the switch to save the day! im talking abt micro fucking management baybey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12/10

but what in the goddamn world could have more gay dash than micro management??? well ill tell you

1: Pirate Radio

he SAVES him. he calls him a hero. they are on EQUAL FOOTING and they KNOW IT. they have MATCHING GODDAMN OUTFITS!!!!!!!!!!! dashs personality doesnt have to be absolutely scrapped for him to be gay (”but i will be wailing on you”) but he clearly DOES get better (”sorry, old habits.”) he puts his heart and soul into fighting side by side w danny and we dont even SEE dashs parents which means that is Not Exactly The Reason he Is Here. he also believes with 0 hesitation that fenton is capable of throwing a total rager. NO there is not as much dash here as in micro management but. i mean look at these screenshots. THIS is gay representation. THESE are some genuine fucking boyfriends. 18/10

[spatio-rift]

mar i want to keep up w ur loreposting but idk there are aliens? is the alien story like new unrelated to kidou and friends or is it like related and how

IM SO SORRY LAB THIS SHOW IS CRAZY. are there aliens: kinda... but not really... but then yes. for the ones i talk about though then yes its related to kidou and friends :) putting the whole explanation under a read more cuz its... super long somehow

aliea are the antagonists of the second season/second game. its an organization that claims to come from a planet of the same name, and they suddenly launch an attack against japan as their first target in the destruction of earth. since theyre using soccer to invade earth, kidou & friends (and some more friends gained later on the way) are entrusted w the task of defeating the aliens, since theyre the new champions of this one national tournament and as such the best soccer team in the country (dont mind that theyre in middle school the inazuma world revolves around that age period. im gonna have to ask you to suspend your disbelief)...

...in reality though these "aliens" are human children all from the same orphanage owned by kira seijirou, head of the kira zaibatsu, who is mostly known for arms dealings, weapon manufacturing and such. kira lost his beloved son years ago when he went overseas for a soccer training camp and died there, which kira knew to be a murder, but since the perpetrator was a politicians son the whole affair was kept quiet and made out to be an unfortunate accident. despite the pressure kira put on them the government never investigated the case any further and the killer never paid for his act. drowning in his grief and anger kira started to resent the world.

(*) things were not moving much however until 5 years prior to the story (present time), when a meteorite with mysterious power crashed near mt fuji. to be honest im not sure about the extent of the governments involvement at the beginning of the project so ill just move on but the point is kira decides to use the meteorite for military ends, the prime minister doesnt approve of it going that far and cuts all ties w the kira zaibatsu (who was financially (? and more?) supporting them before). i think part of it is that kira was using it to force the government to reopen his dead sons case but im really not sure so dont take my word for it. anyway thats the last straw for kira so hes continuing his little project without the governments involvement, for the explicit purpose of using it against them (and also making profit off it on the side).

to come back to the aliens. basically the meteorite if used on humans greatly enhances their strength, speed etc(**) to a level that seems inhuman which is how the kids successfully fooled everyone into believing they were aliens. (and the kira technology that made it look like they were teleporting etc... all for the sake of making that illusion believable). and the kids are doing all this because theyre all orphans living at that orphanage that kira owns. its kind of unclear for the lower ranked teams (because theyre introduced and beaten before the truth comes to light, and they arent shown in orphanage flashbacks cuz the teams possibly were kept separate (?)), but the higher ones see kira as a father and savior which is why they willingly became his soldiers in his quest for revenge, and are devoted to him to the end despite knowing that what theyre doing is wrong. the way kira uses these childrens desperate love for him to turn them into weapons and doesnt thing of them as anything but tools for his personal revenge on the world is chilling honestly. the games better about this btw the anime has him change his mind way too fast. just saying.

errmm i dont really have anything more to say i think. i realize now that you maybe werent asking about the whole aliea lore so sorry (i like talking about it) but basically this is how the alien thing came to be and its related to kidou n everyone because theyre the bad guys raimon have to repeatedly fight against... oh i wanted to add aliea choosing to use soccer to destroy the world is really silly but kiras whole story (TO ME) recontextualizes it as something like. kira choosing to use the very thing that got his son killed to take revenge on the world that failed him... i think... well its very goofy but its fine if you dont think about it too much. HOPE THIS CLEARS IT UP A LITTLE FOR U...

also (*) sometime after his sons death and before the aliea meteorite crashes on earth kira started training the kids whod later become the team named genesis to be like... essentially his perfect child supersoldiers, probably as part of his revenge against the government? kind of unclear but also this is game only stuff so its fine to ignore it if you want. but i like it it makes me want to kms so i wanted to mention it

and (**) the meteorite also messes w peoples heads so it can be used to literally brainwash them :) this is why i mention brainwashing so much in my posts its a major plot point in at least 2 chapters of the story (one of which directly involves kidou since its his besties being brainwashed into hating his guts lol). shit is going down in the middle school soccer world

[yuniuniyuni]

idk why he would want to be free of his shadows- it doesnt make sense to me. like not only are the shadows his first friends, theyre also part of HIM. he would have to change himself in order to fit in her reality/world or vice versa. and i would agree on him changing himself if he was a horrible human being but he’s not. he doesnt need a redemption story or anything like tht- his story needs to be revolve around him accepting and loving himself first before he can receive the love he truly deserves.

Azriel’s Shadows

If the fandom thought of Azriel’s Shadows like they are a persons pet dog and they saw their dog shy away and hide from the person they think they like I think the populace would tell you that’s a red flag and to not go further in the relationship with your partner. But if you see the “shadows” come out and play and introduce themselves to a person you just met but also like they would tell you that’s a good sign.

So Azriel’s shadows are afraid or cautious around Elain. They hide from her. Yet with Gwyn they come out and show curiosity, they reach out to play with the mist her breath gives off. They like her.

I just cannot read the Azriel Bonus Chapter and IGNORE the reaction and the actions of Azriel’s most important part of himself. His shadows are a part of his soul. They are sentient form of his soul. They are his first family, his true sibling, that kept him company in that dungeon. And his soul, his sibling is not comfortable around Elain. They are subconsciously telling the reader that this is not the person for Azriel to us readers.

Azriel is not looking to disconnect from his Shadows like the major Theory Suggests (that Elain’s light give Azriel a freedom from his shadows) he shows no desire to be free from them. I think if they did disappear he would be lost. He would be devastated. He would mourn them. He needs someone who is not afraid of them and who his shadows are not afraid of in return.

[homicidal-rage]

no light no light / ORV interpretation

bc @boo-womp asked for my interpretation of the song- and like i know u didnt ask for a word wall but i got too passionate. lmao feel free to skim over. ill put a little tl;dr at the end. mega word jumble not going back to edit

i wont bother to explain all the events of the epilogue because theres just TOO much to cover but. in one way, you could have those lyrics being sung from joonghyuk to dokja with their sheer platonic love and mgfhsdmjfksn

like, the chorus. hits hard. "no light no light in your bright blue eyes i never knew daylight could be so violent".

there is something that joonghyuk says to dokja's 15 yo self, that he was the "most omniscient, yet powerless god", because through all of his childhood trauma his means of cope was escaping reality and absorbing himself so deep into fiction that his imagination made it real. and the 'i never knew daylight could be so violent' but is like, joonghyuk slowly discovers how much existing was harmful to this kid, to the point where he became the oldest dream.

and then like, the next lyrics, 'revalation int he night of day, you cant choose what stays and what fades away.' when dokja has to split his memories into two bodies so one could keep watching over the world, so everyone existing could continue living, eventually his memories start to fade to the point where he regresses back to his traumatised child self. AND. i sob so hard at this. 'and ill do anything to make you stay', from joonghyuk to dokja. this man. this man risks his bloody life so many times after chap 500 to bring his soul back to life. he drifts through space. for THREE YEARS. just so he can deliver a novel to kim dokjas reincarnated self in hopes he remembers his life, and through some wacky disconnected theory, comes back to them. he goes all in on trying to bring him back. hell do ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM STAY ARHUGHG.

and if i also talk about the author of the novel that he read for 13 years straight, han sooyoung, she created this novel despite knowing that it would cause an apocolypse and the end of the world. but she writes away anyway just so he doesnt die young. because that novel kept him alive. and in the process she created yoo joonghyuk, which began his regressions, and the chorus just reminds me of her devotion to keeping him alive for so long.

in a way that chorus is sung by all three of them- the reader (dokja), the protagonist (joonghuyk) and the writer (han sooyoung) because their love for each other all resolves around sacrifice. 'ill do anything to make you stay' SOBBING.

'han sooyoung wrote WOS just so kim dokja could read it.

and because dokja read WOS, joonghyuk began his regression.

because joonghyuk began his regression, han sooyoung was able to write WOS.'

its a cycle of sacrifice and this song just AAGHHHHH the emotion of desparation yet hopelessness in that song resides with me so hard. and then when you blast it loudly you just sob because none of them had a choice in this except for the means of sacrifice for each other.

and thats just the chorus <3

word wall over UwU

tl;dr the life of the three main protags of orv revolve around sacrifice and the chorus reminds me of it so much that i sobbed

[faelapis]

the handmaids tale, steven universe, and limited perspectives:

so i was rewatching the handmaids tale tv show with my gf, and i could write SO MANY essays about how turning offred into this badass resistance fighter misses the point of the original novel.

in the book, offred was robbed of her agency, but her life and perspective still matters. she matters even if she had no place in "great man history", was never a hero who saved anyone or changed the world. she was just an ordinary, powerless person caught up in a cruel society. she was never much of an activist beforehand either, and is now forced into a passive role - but even so, found little reasons to live, ways to cope and tell her story.

the shows use of flashbacks and multiple perspectives, while showing an interesting history, also frustrate me when they deviate from offreds sphere of knowledge. the book is told from the perspective of someone who doesnt know everything, who frustrates historians because she focuses on her own limited reality. she can't tell the full story of The regime and its Important Rulers. she can only tell her own, little life, because its the story of someone's powerlessness, who wants to believe her life can still matter.

and it does. her feelings and little moments of humanity do matter, even if she isn't able to change the world. we don't even get to know her fate, but that is the nature of powerlessness.

i feel comfortable posting this here because i can also connect it to SU pretty easily - yes, i understand the appeal of seeing a full chronicle of events told from every character's perspective, where no stone is unturned. where you can always "trust" a narrator to cover everything (and implicitly, cover it with the "right" moral perspective and be able to "objectively" tell you which facts are important enough to share) - but some stories have a point in not doing that.

there is value in having a singular perspective and commentating on those limitations. steven isn't perfect, and he can't be everything for everyone. he cares about the things that concern him. he is, in this way, as flawed and subjective as everyone else, neither above nor below them.

this is a big theme in a show whose climax revolves around a "perfect" person, believing themselves to fully understand others and know whats best for them, being brutally confronted with their own imperfections and the assumptions they make when trying to "make everything better". they cant know everything, be perfect or truly selfless, and so, they cannot justify revolving their life around "fixing" others... but that doesn't make you a monster. it just makes you flawed. no one else has true objectivity either, and so, we must forgive each other and ourselves.

am i talking about the finale of SU or SU future? you tell me.

first person stories and limited perspectives matter to me, as they often highlight the value AND limitations of individuals. we, the audience, are confronted with our own limitations and biases as we are denied being made 'objective' in our understanding. in the handmaids tale, it tells us about the importance of those who are small and powerless. in SU, it talks about how there is no singular objective or "perfect" perspective, just as there are no perfect characters... just the eyes we can and cannot see through.

[generalexcuse]

Alright. I am beating a dead horse here but taking time off of this show and fandom did not work. This will be the last time I ever say something about it but it’s upsetting to me so I need to vent. And to everyone saying “You are an adult man and this is fiction, why are you so obsessed? Weirdo. Learn to differentiate between fiction and reality.” I am going to address these notions as well as other problems I am having here. But really, Inuyasha was one of my first Anime, I have many dear memories and especially Rin was one of my all time favourite characters. Seeing her being mistreated like this upsets me. Ofc it does because if you watch something in formative years it’s not just fiction like a boring sitcom you watch now. Shows and characters are important to people and to simply dismiss it like that even if they would have been equally upset if it wouldnt have become canon, is infuriating. Really this is just therapeutic for me because even after weeks it’s still so baffling to me. Also please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes. I am not a native speaker.

So the problem is obviously Sessrin and how it’s done because while I absolutely dont agree with this pairing, it would have been fine if it wasnt like it is. 

In the original show, Rin is an 8 yo child and her entire character reflects just that. She behaves like a child and depends on others. She has also been traumatized, doesnt speak at the beginning of the show and dies twice. Both times she is saved by or because of Sesshomaru. In many ways, while she has survival skills on her own, she depends on his presence alone to keep danger away. He also leaves her with trustworthy humans at the end but stays in her life as a protector. Now I like the original dynamic. It’s sweet, innocent and both characters grow because of it. Rin can work through her traumatic experiences, learns to trust others and Sesshomaru becomes a better person.  What happens afterwards only happens offscreen right until Rin gives birth to his children at the crippling old age of 15. 15. My lil sis is 16 now and couldnt consent to something like that. And she is mature af. It’s ridiculous. My blood boils just typing that shit out. And if you give me the ‘it’s legal in Japan’ excuse. In Germany a 14 yo can be with a 20 yo sexually. Still not okay in societies eyes and on tv it’s never shown as something positive. It’s even explicitly forbidden for authority figures like teachers or protectors to be with their protégé before the age of 18 because the chances of even unintentional grooming are too high. 

Now lets take a quick break and discuss how this kind of relationship usually plays out in other fictional pieces. A minor with an adult is something that is being portrayed at times and I dont have a problem with that. The problem is how it’s being done in Yashahime. And I dont mean the nonexisting character development but the fact that even in adult fiction this type of relationship isnt depicted positively. And this show is for young adults and teens that will exist way after all the discourse as the official sequel to Inuyasha. A cult anime. Meaning that in the future young people will watch it. Just like many still watch Inuyasha to this day. It’s on Netflix for fucks sake. Just to preface what comes next.   Some people say, “But cant you differentiate between reality and fiction?!?!?!” Adults can but younger people havent developed this ability to the same extent.   What happened to Rin was statutory r*pe in the USA, illegal even in Germany and should have been depicted as such unless the showrunners and fandom are okay with watching it without criticism or deconstruction. At best it was done with the intention to please the fanbase but really it’s neglectful to anyother part of the present and future audience. Not even most Animes do that. And I get that Sessriners arent into that shit in real life and an adult show could have gone this route because the viewers understand and add the criticism in their heads. Not ideal but whatever to me. But a YA show to go this route is so wrong on so many levels. The younger viewer who will watch this show in the following years might subconsciously internalize that this is acceptable under certain conditions when it’s not criticized properly on the show. That lowers their alertness when an adult actually starts to groom them. How dense do you have to be to assume that the lack of criticism on this YA show is a good thing?? Not everyone who will ever watch this show is an adult or capable of the same reasoning.

But another thing: for the same reason r*pe isnt depicted in a positive light, these types of relationships arent either. Because it’s not a positive thing and most people and showrunners dont want to see or create it as positive. Even in adult fiction, even in other anime, the media critizes and deconstructs what it’s showing because normally the showmakers dont approve but show it for realisitc or dramatic reasons. the same sessrin storyline would fit a fucking horror or thriller series. Just change the music and show it all. No showmakers in their right mind would go “Aye we got a r*pe scene coming up, lets put romantic music and have a pink filter over it.” “But it’s a different time and culture!” People will say and I agree but to have the audacity to assume that back then it was okay or that in todays Japan it’s okay, is fucked up. Think about it for a second. That’s so fucked up to think. Even if the society back then or in Japan thinks it’s okay, does it make it okay? 15 yo girls werent able to consent to adults and bear their children back then. They had to. They were raised with the expectations and they simply grew up thinking that it was the normal thing. But that doesnt make it right. That’s just societal grooming which did not prepare them in any way or allowed them the human dignity that they would have deserved. To now act like it’s all cool to just show the “positive” aspects or to twist it into something positive is so fucked up. Child Brides are a fucked up concept and to portray it as anything else is fucked up and also undermines the experience many girls still have to make. period.

I heard people say that it’s okay to portray it in this way because “Sesshomaru is not human!!!1″ and that’s correct. He is not. BUT, it’s not about being human but about maturity, consens, and independency. Him being a yokai makes it worse imo because there is an obvious power discrepancy. But in this particular fiction a good relationship could have been established (Kagome and Inuyasha for example) on those foundations but they did not because I can only assume they wanted Sesshomaru to smash and the show to pick up at a point where the other characters arent too old to be cool.

“What’s with Sango and Miroku, Kagome and Inuyasha?? It’s the same!” No it’s not. Rin was 8 at the beginning of the show. Kagome was 15 and Sango was 16-17 when they met their significant others. If you now tell me that you think 8 to be comparable to 15-17, I must ask you to get a reality check. Kagome’s and Sango’s relationships were slowburns starting when they already were able to have sexual and romantical feelings. Rin was a child. And Kagome did not kiss Inuyasha until they knew each other for a long ass period of time and bonded as friends and maybe more. Sesshomaru and Rin never were friends in the same way that Kagome and Inuyasha were because the maturity levels are way off. No adult is friends with a little child in the same way they are friends with their adult friends. And normally you dont grow into such a friendship but in the rare case you do, it’s not when she is 15 but maybe 20 or 25. 

Last but not least, Rin is not a character to the audience the same way Kagome or Sango are. Why? Because she was never shown as an adult or 3 Dimensional character to the audience. We know her as a child who wants to be with her trusted group. She is naive, but tough and doesnt have any motivation or drive on her own outside her group. Like every child she clung to the adults around her and her world outside of this group was nonexisting. Kagome wanted to be successful in school, Sango was a demon hunter and wanted to find her brother. Those are motivations and traits that dont circle around the love interest. Rin never had those because she was not developed to that point. Because she was a child and her entire existence was to develop Sesshomaru and to perhaps give the viewer a character to simply adore. What we see is of her: Mistreated child, -> Dead child -> Child being looked after and healing, -> Child not being homeless anymore -> ????? -> Teenager getting knocked up, pumping out main characters and then getting yeeted into a tree. 

This is not the way you treat a beloved character. There is no dignity to her character. “But she is fictional!!1″ Yes she is. But please show me a show that treats its child characters like this without criticizing it. 

I would have loved to see her grow as her own person. Go on her own adventures or learning a craft or developing meaningful bonds with other characters her age. Forming ideas that dont revolve around Sesshomaru alone. You know her being 3 Dimentional and not just there to pump out main characters. And if she then with 20 or 25 met Sesshomaru again and thought he was the hottest shit, I would have been fine with it. Not happy but fine. But in the little time we saw her as ‘not a child’, she still behaved the way she did before. 

[smugraccoon137]

Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line. 

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,) 

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

[fleshblueberry]

Babe wake up im going to rant about my ocs lore because im bored

Tw/cw depression, suicide, kidnapping, addiction, unreality

I write angsty stuff for my ocs oops-

When i first started making my characters they were very different in alot of ways and they were very different from what they are now. But i some how managed to glue all the chaos of my ocs together into a semi-coherent story. I went through an insane amount of world building with myself and i honestly dont think ive ever writen or typed any of it out before! its all just up in my head (and you know my memory is trash so ive probably forgotten of alot of things i made before lol). Anyways- i have two main story lines for my characters. Ethan's story, and Vevlet's story. Although i must admit Ethan's story is less complex than velvets simply beacsue it acts as a story of prequeal to Velvets story line. (Alternate realities that happen to have effect on each other basically- we love space time junk)

Ethan's world is very similar to ours, the most similar out of any of my fantasy worlds lol. Ethan's story revolves around self-discovery. I mean for it to be a wholesome/lighthearted thing that quickly leads up to dark undertones (spoilers lol). Ethan's story begins with Eef pre-transition (AFAB to NB). We get to see Ethan learn about themself and have fun exploring emotions and what it means to be alive. Ethan comes from a run-down family (mom khs, dad mia). So he lives with his adoptive parents (who i have yet to design and think about- theyre lesbians 100% though). A major moment for Eef is meeting his partner Seth. As you already know Ethan and Seth are cute ass boyfriends and stuff but guess what! im jammed their story full of angst and edgy shit bc i "wrote" most of this when i was hella depressed! Anyways Seth's family is like moderally welathy, wealthier than most i would say. Seth catches feelings for the emo chick ofc (forgot to metion Eef was definately a hot goth girl before he transitions).... uh yea anyways seth ends up flirting and crushing on eef and eef is like yea sure im bored and sad why not. and they end up dating after a while. Theres an important moment in their relationship when Ethan take Seth to this dead tree. THis dead tree is very important also bc it is where his mother hanged herself, and Ethan doesnt quite remember that bc he was very young when it happened, but he knows it as a place of comfort and he goes there alot when he feels sad or alone. this tree could be taken as symbolizim but heheh ill never tell. anyways Ethan is like yo my fevorite tree and Seth is like wtf okay bro ily and all but why a dead tree with an unstable tire swing?? ANd ethans like idk but i like it here reminds me of my childhood (op my guy) and they spend the night there. Also when ethan comes out to seth as nonbinary seth is just like ok,,, because hes bisexual lol. anyways time skip and Seth has some addiction problems once he graduates, long story short- Ethan doesnt like it bc his dad was a druggie so he trys to help Seth and Seth raises his voice and ethan is tiny compared to his bf so hes naturally like terrified of being hit and he suddenly feels his world of happy and peace he build back up bieng destroyed once again so he heads to his mothers dead tree and decides life isnt worth it anymore, and he hangs himself in the exact spot his mother did.... once seth comes off one of his highs or whatever hes like- oh fuck i yelled and acted agro to my traumatized partner. and he immedatly goes to the tree bc its Ethans favortie spot but its to late. regret is the only emootion anymore... its over for them.

now youre probably wondering how the absolute hell does that tie into velvets lore?? well do i have a tale for you. Velvets sotry begins on her 21st birthday, she is out for drinks with her douchebag bf and her bestfriend. several drinks later she yells over blaring club music shes going to the restroom, and as shes walking back she sees her bf and her bestie making out and she doesnt even say anyhting and walks out alone. She is making her way back to her apartment very tipsy. She then hears a vechile driving beside her, she cant make out anyhting theyre saying and the people in the car get out and before she even relises whats going on shes thrown into the vechile and is being beaten and yelled at. She passes out as theyre driivng to somewhere. When she next awakes she is in a barn-looking place. Concreate walls painted red and straw all over the floor. she cant stand, her legs stung and so did her entire body. for several days- she doesnt know how long she stayed in this place unable to move or do anything. Weak and starving, she gathered up her last bit of strength and hung herself on a low board (havent really worked out the details on that scence bc i keep changing my mind but she does hang herself). Cut to a space of nothingness- legit nothing- exactly its impossible to imagine nothing. In the nothing sits velvet all skin and bone, and then an entity, a hooded figure with long hair, sits next to her. No words are spoke, but the entity looks at velvet longingly. Then it tears out its eye- just full on plunges its hand into its socket and rips it out. bloody mess honestly. the entity hands its eye to velvet, and she takes it. there is no thoughts here, no sound, only actions. Cut once more to a coriners room place? ya know the place with dead bodies and tables and shit- anyways a bright light emerges from dead!vevlets chest and surrounds her entire body. *cue stunned doctor mans* Velvet arises from her death with her scars healed over and... wings. Yup shes an angel now. I mean her world already had monsters and things of suppernatural belonging but- angels are rare. She makes 1 of 2 angels in their relam as of current. Angels are "made" from regrets. Regret overflowing from two sources- one long dead and the other recent. This is where ethan comes in. Ethan's regret from how he died was powerful and sad, powerful enough for his spirt- an entity- to reach Velvets. Velvet too, had much regret in her death. So young and so many things that could have been avoided. In the days following up to her death in the barn/cellar she only felt regret. Regret for all she did and all she didnt do. So much pain summoned the entity. Their powerful forces of regret pulled them together and allowed Velvet to return- but at a price for the both of them. the entity lost its eye- symbolizing a loss of humanity and conscientiousness. While Velvet lost herself, she no longer can view her world in the same way. She has severe ptsd- like episodes and halucinations. She cant go back, she has to live through he own grief. Velvets appearnace also changes quite a bit. Her hair got longer, she has two sleek gray wings on her back, and- one of her eyes are purple now. why does it hrut her to see that eye? why is it all so familiar yet far away. Her human brain can hardly understand all the changes. But she was gifted this- she knows she must try. And luckily for her society sees angels as higher beings. They are given the umost respect but they are also greatly feared because of how misterious their origins are. The only other known angel meets with velvet quite alot through her story, he will act as a sort of guide/plot device to make things a bit easier for myself (havent worked out his lore tho or even a design for him hjbfkjsdb). Anyways im tired and its 1:35 am so thats all the lore you get for now, plus its the stuff ive thought about the most so- i dont really want to think any furtherb ahead yet lol. to many little things to work out...... i love creating but oml typing hurts after an hour or so-

Jam out!

... I don't even know what to say to this

[forevercloudnine]

new 52 scarebat ship meme

(I had @heroes-etc​ give me more questions, but for scarebat this time, since we talk about it 24/7 but I never post about it. These are from this ship meme.)

4. Their favorite physical feature on each other?

There’s only one feature of Bruce’s appearance that’s scarier when he’s not wearing the batsuit, and that’s his creepy blue eyes. Especially the way Greg Capullo draws them where they’re sickly pale and have ridiculously constricted pupils.

So his eyes would definitely be in the running for Jonathan’s favorite feature, even if seeing them would require Bruce’s mask to be off, which is something New 52 Scarecrow explicitly avoids. Yes, that character trait only exists to justify why Batman’s identity is still secret after Scarecrow mind controls and subsequently institutionalizes him in “Gothtopia,” but I think it’s interesting so I’m going to pretend it’s not shoe-horned in there for meta reasons.

Actually having to see Bruce without the cowl on would definitely permanently break the illusion of Batman as a nightmarish inhuman bat demon, which I’m sure is a large part of the appeal for anyone as obsessed with fear as Jonathan Crane. But Bruce’s creepy eyes would be a serious consolation prize. 

Bruce’s favorite of Jonathan’s physical features is rough, because Jonathan is famously not great re: physical features. I’m going to say his mouth, because a) that’s where the snark comes from, and b) the New 52 establishes that in one of their earlier encounters, Jonathan had sewn his own mouth shut, so it’s one of those things where a bad first impression turned positive later on leads to more fondness than if you’d made a good impression in the first place.

I just looked up the panel where he does it and I DID forget how incredibly gross his lips look here, which makes the fact that I have chosen it as Bruce’s feature seem really funny in retrospect. But I do think that seeing Jonathan’s mouth healed and unmutilated would be a reassuring reminder of how he’s stabilized since their first encounter, at least to the point that he isn’t hurting himself anymore. Also, Bruce buys him a lot of chapstick.

Bonus alternate answer that did not make it into the Google Doc:

9. How open are they with their feelings?

Bruce and Jonathan are both pretty competent deceivers in the New 52; Bruce always, Jonathan depending on how the writer is feeling (though you could argue that Bruce just has a stronger grip on reality, while Jonathan’s skill at obfuscation varies with how lucid he is).

...I was going to use Detective Comics #23.3 as an example of Jonathan being a good liar, but actually upon re-reading I’m realizing that only 1/4 rogues buy his attempt at manipulation. So maybe he’s considerably worse at hiding his intentions than he thinks he is. Regardless, he doesn’t ever attempt to disguise his obsession with Batman.

Whether or not he’d express romantic feelings or try to hide them is debatable. There’s no Masters of Fear equivalent in the New 52 establishing that he was ever mocked or punished for expressing romantic feelings for someone, though there is a flashback panel in his origin emphasizing that he was always lonely in this regard (and coincidentally doesn’t specify that his interest is in women, which is fun).

In Green Lanterns #17 he has some internal monologue about how fear is his romance and he needs Batman to feel it, but it is an INTERNAL monologue, so it’s not clear if this is something he would express to Bruce or keep to himself. Or if he’s even fully processed it himself, given how incredibly out of it he is in this comic. Most of his spoken lines are just kind of screaming incoherently. Bruce gets pretty snippy with a Green Lantern at the end of the issue for suggesting that Jonathan should be punished for his crimes as if he were in control of his actions. 

Bruce is a similarly complicated answer, since for all his deceptions and shadowy mystery he pretty much wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to romance. It’s just that his heart doesn’t express or process emotions the same way as anyone around him, which can create conflict. His (seriously underrated) love interest during Scarecrow’s origin arc, Natalya, spent most of her time dating him thinking that he didn’t care about her for this reason. He was trying to express that he loved her, but he mostly did so through complimenting her skills, which she never took as serious declarations of affection because he wasn’t being straightforward and she was insecure.

Jonathan does not himself seem like someone who would be especially secure in the idea of another person having romantic feelings towards him, so I assume that while Bruce might THINK he’s being open with any romantic feelings he develops, he would in reality just be really confusing.

13. How do they react to being away from each other?

I actually think that in general, Jonathan is one of the few people who would have no issue dealing with Bruce’s tendency to unexpectedly go AWOL for long periods of time, given that he himself has a tendency to fixate on his work to the exclusion of everything else.

But New 52 Jonathan specifically probably has pretty serious abandonment issues due to his father putting him in “the pit” and dying before he could take him out, meaning that Jonathan was waiting for his dad to come back for him for God knows how long, until Jonathan Sr.’s employers finally sent the police to investigate. 

So while in general I think he wouldn’t be very clingy, any impression that Bruce had died or otherwise wasn’t coming back for him would probably be incredibly triggering. If Bruce could assuage this reaction by occasionally sending updates that at least indicated he was still alive, then I doubt Jonathan would have any problems with his absence.

(@heroes-etc​: bruce sending like a checkmark emoji once a day. jonathan hears his phone ping, looks at the screen, and goes hm. good. and doesnt respond.)

Bruce meanwhile has no problem ditching literally any love interest at any time if something crime-related comes up, unless he’s considering quitting the cowl for them (as Joker probably accurately fears will happen with Catwoman in Prelude to the Wedding). But I don’t think he’d stop being Batman for Scarecrow, nor would Jonathan ever want him to — he’s interested in Batman, not necessarily Bruce Wayne.

But even though Bruce wouldn’t have an emotional problem with distance, I think he would get similarly paranoid if they went too long without contact, though for different reasons than Jonathan. Unlike some other villains (*cough* Joker and Riddler), Scarecrow has machinations that don’t require getting Batman’s attention, so if he decided to continue with his less legal experiments, he would not feel compelled to get Bruce involved. While the “World’s Greatest Detective” would probably not have an issue keeping an eye on Jonathan while he’s in Gotham, he’s considerably less capable of that in space. And Jonathan is definitely a rogue he would be obsessed with keeping an eye on, even if he reformed. 

Batman & Robin Eternal established that Dick’s first supervillain conflict AND first mission leaving the country was chasing Scarecrow across the world for an entire summer, which is kind of insane considering how early it was in Batman’s career. Like, he did not have an army of children to watch Gotham for him while he was gone. He had one child, and he took that child WITH him. He left Gotham undefended for months, JUST to catch Scarecrow. Sooo that in of itself implies he wouldn’t be great at keeping his distance.

15. Does their view of themselves differ from their partner’s view?

Well, Jonathan occasionally sees Bruce as a giant bat demon, so yes.

Outside of that very obvious differing view, Jonathan in general sees himself and the rest of the rogue gallery as more vital to Batman’s identity than Bruce considers them; the extent to which he’s right varies depending on your interpretation of Bruce’s character, but it’s definitely not something Bruce would ever consciously think or say. 

This is related to something that’s definitely a misconception of his, though, which is that the majority of Batman’s job revolves around supervillains like him. In Kings of Fear, when Jonathan blackmails Bruce into letting him come on patrol with him (which is a whole thing in of itself), he’s shocked at how boring most of Batman’s work is. Which probably goes along hand in hand with sometimes seeing Bruce as an almost mythologically inhuman figure. 

In his defense, it’s not like he has a lot of context for what the minutiae of Batman’s job is like. He’s either fighting Batman, hiding from Batman, or imprisoned by Batman in Arkham, a place where everyone else also spends all their time fighting or hiding from Batman. Which would really skew your perspective.

Interestingly, Bruce and Jonathan are both people who pride themselves on being extremely self-aware. Both of them probably inaccurately. You can rant about how you have a perfect understanding of your troubled mental state all day long, but if you’re still dressing up like a monster at night to indulge the power fantasies you created as a traumatized child by scaring the hell out of people, there’s probably a level of self-realization you haven’t gotten to yet.

Bruce however is at least self-aware enough to regularly be able to analyze his way out of fear toxin induced hallucinations, which Jonathan is unable to do — when he’s not depicted as having become immune to his fear toxin due to overexposure (as he is in Green Lanterns #17), he can be defeated with the same formulas that Batman regularly manages to resist (like his honestly embarrassing breakdown in Nightwing #50). 

Which ties into the difference between how he sees himself and how Bruce sees him: Jonathan obviously visualizes himself as a “master” of fear. He actually has the same internal monologue about fear and trauma that Bruce does in Batman: The Dark Knight #13: “Make it your own... run to what you fear... stare it in the eye... until it whimpers and backs down.” But Bruce doesn’t see Scarecrow as conquering his fear; he sees him as addicted to it, to the point of his own detriment.

Which is interesting, because Jonathan clearly sees his Scarecrow persona as a way to regain control after being victimized by his father’s fear experiments throughout his childhood. I guess Bruce’s perspective would be that Jonathan’s father instead got him addicted to fear as a child, so his attempts at agency as Scarecrow are just a) reliving his trauma over and over and b) compulsively inflicting his own trauma on others. There’s probably some truth to that, even if overall it’s probably an oversimplification (and coincidentally pretty much EXACTLY what Riddler argues Bruce is doing by “funding” Batman in Batman Annual #4, so there’s that).

20. Did either person change at all, to be with their partner?

The obvious answer here is yes, because Jonathan is a supervillain with no regard for human life while Bruce is a superhero who has dedicated his life to protecting people. So presumably one or both of them would have to make serious compromises to be together. HOWEVER. Scarecrow’s primary motivation is to research, understand and inflict fear, while Batman’s modus operandi is making his enemies afraid of him. So despite their contradiction in morals, they’re uniquely positioned to advance each other’s goals, were they to ever join forces.

Bruce never has a problem using fear toxin on Scarecrow, presumably partially out of an “eye for an eye” sense of poetic justice, but also because Batman is practical and it’s a nonlethal weapon that’s always available to him while fighting Scarecrow. If he could have fear toxin customized for his own use, it’s hard to imagine him being unwilling to use it. In Gothtopia he actually advocates for using what’s leftover from Crane’s new formula on all the inmates at Arkham, which seems about as insanely morally ambiguous as it gets. Arguably, putting fear toxin in his smoke bombs would be considerably less wrong than drugging mental patients out of their mind when they’re supposed to be receiving therapy (this is also the issue where he illegally releases Poison Ivy because she did him a favor, which is both morally questionable and relevant to the current topic).

Jonathan obviously already thinks Batman is the most interesting possible case study in fear; it’s why he keeps coming back to Bruce and Gotham despite being one of the more independent villains in Batman’s rogue gallery in the New 52. So though he would have to give up actively kidnapping people (which would be a huge sacrifice, I’m sure), teaming up with Bruce would give him unrestricted access to his favorite test subject. Unfortunately, it seems very possible that he would fall back to old tricks if he ever felt that he’d gotten everything he could out of a partnership with Bruce. Fortunately, that would probably take a VERY long time.