#works Christmas do last night
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I’m about to quit my job and move to another country, I’m so embarrassed 😵💫
#works Christmas do last night#me and my co worker smashed a plantpot#I stole a bottle of Prosecco and I don’t even like Prosecco??
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#went to work christmas dinner last night‚ had fun#food was nice and drinks were free. also helps that I do genuinely enjoy the company of my coworkers
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I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
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If you can be arsed with all those tags and fancy giving me brutal advice read away haha
#something is definitely going wrong for me because I want to go out tomorrow night with my mate who is thinking about getting a bag in and#and that lowkey sounds like a lot of fun to me and i wanna chip in but like i think B wants to come out and if he does i cant join in with#my pal because B would very much be against me doing that and like ugh#he doesnt even drink at the moment and i feel like out of nowhere hes matured but in all the wrong ways#like in none of the ways ive been wanting him to for the last few years#but in the ways which mean our nights out arent compatible anymore#and i know im the problem for wanting to be nihilistic hedonistic whatever#but i feel like im getting back the bit of my early 20s covid and working in care robbed me of#and hes already had his phase of that sort of stuff but like would be annoyed with me if i was doing coke around him and stuff#im definitely being selfish and should just say no to the drugs and like be a good girlfriend but#ahhhhhh idk if i cant have christmas like and i didn't get christmas eve at the pub then i kinda want boxing day at the pub with my mates#ugh#a tiny part of me is considering changing my plans with b and being borderline dishonest but also i know that#doing that is going to make whatever problem there is between us worse?#ultimately i know that im morally in the wrong here tbh and also like a bit of a loser
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Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle
#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER#I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family#I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get#home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep#she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM#and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late#she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘#BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon#(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to)#and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’#and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them#and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’#but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side#I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY#never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me#IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough#but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later#cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be#there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them#I’m going to scream I’m going to cry#if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them#but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave#FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL#and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother#I KNOW she did this on purpose#I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long#(again… because of work… something I can’t control)#so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position#where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then#or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much
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I had a list of movies and tv shows to watch while on my Christmas holidays, I’ve managed one and somehow two seasons of Jack Reacher????
#the show isn’t good#I find myself rolling my eyes a lot#but he’s really big and he beats up people really well#what am I supposed to do#I got a quarter of the way into beau is afraid last night before I realised it lasted three hours and my sister called for a 40 minute chat#I was supposed to finish it today instead I played Jedi survivor until I rage quit and finished season 2 of Jack Reacher#it’s Christmas so I’m not leaving the house until I go back to work on the 4th#beau is afraid will get finished I’m just tired all day from doing nothing
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what if i brought my magen david rainbow flag into work but also buy a desk-sized palestinian flag to put next to it so that people know to stop wishing me merry christmas but also don’t make any other assumptions
i’m almost definitely not going to because it’ll be striking a hornet’s nest but getting so fucking tired of how much my team is openly assuming everyone is christian (complete with multiple explicit mentions of the church and jesus himself in our last meeting of things/people that coworkers were grateful for)
like yeah it would be inappropriate for me to bring politics to work and will probably make people uncomfortable but THEY STARTED IT
#i thought i could let it just roll off my back but it’s wearing on me#the sheer unabashed double standard#honestly should just harness the spite for my job search#but like. at least ATTEMPT to claim it’s a generic winter holiday celebration#they’re not even bothering to file off the christmas label#my team meeting yesterday was a full hour of explicitly christmas-themed activities#christmas trivia#then guessing whose christmas tree belonged to which coworker (they assumed we all had one and asked us to send them in on friday)#then christmas pictionary#i was going to mention at the end that hanukkah starts thursday night but we ran out of time#i don’t begrudge festive cheer. genuinely.#i AM annoyed by the assumption that being christian is the default#when i KNOW they do not see being any other religion as neutral#from some unfortunate experiences during last pesach#[screams]#my posts#work adventures#…i’m not going to because it’s not fucking worth it
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annnnnd i have finally gotten covid. merry fucking christmas to meeeee
#i feel mostly okay#(these vaccines do good work!!)#but i def exposed my whole goddamn family last night#and i feel super guilty abt it#like yes. i tested negative before i went.#and i felt worse last night as it went on and the worst when we got home#so like. i tried to do my due dillgence#and /also/ i should ahve trusted my insticts more and not gone bc i just had a FEELING#that my huge lack of energy was more than shitty sleep#i felt Off#and i should have trusted that#and i'll tell you what!! i will always do so now!!!#covid cw#FOUR YEARS AND I'VE BEEN SO CAREFUL!!!!#AFTER ALL THE RABIES SHIT THIS MONTH THIS IS HOW CHRISTMAS TREATS ME??#fucking hell#covid 19#your girl#texpost
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Apparently I timed my quitting perfectly
#work tag#the new manager is absolutely awful and since hes taken over nothings been done properly#the managers that are left are sick of everything they barely do anything on shift the slackers are worse than ever#the newbies dont take anything seriously or have any common sense whatsoever so its just completely downhill#we had an EHO visit last week on the boss' close had lost a star on our rating as a result so the area manager came in a couple days later#he bollocked our boss for the way hes been acting but then he went right back to being a prick#so apparently after i left last night the district manager visited and they had to shut the store early for cleaning#but this was after my manager told me that the boss has been blaming everyone for the state of things but#when they offered to close the store and do a deep clean he refused because of money#the district manager was not happy he pulled both managers aside and now theyre gonna have to close the store for a deep clean#but they might also have to shut down temporarily to get everything sorted but the thing is since this new guy took over only about#half of the closing cleaning tasks have been being done because close is usually made up of the slackers and they just dont wanna do#anything properly its been an ongoing issue for months now and now its catching up with them cus theyve got in the habit of not doing it#one of my managers has kept saying he doesnt think the store will last until Christmas but everyone else is sure were gonna be shut#well before that point like its gotten the bad its part of why i quit#anyway i just got the rundown from my coworker who was on close when this all went down last night
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alcohol tasted AWFUL to me the first 21.5 years of my life and then this past christmas break sth clikced and now suddenly.... i like it. and I'm enjoying that i like it and NOW am enjoying drunkenness almost every evening (im much less of a lightweofht than i look but much more of one than i like to think) and im wondering if maybe i shld be ..... concerned.
#this is me off a bottle of mikes hard lemonade (5%) and a few sips of barefoot moscato (9%)#'more of a lightweight than i look but more of one thab i like to think i am' is .... VERY generous lmfaoooo#anyways. in the past i wouldnt drink except socially & to get drunk but i couldnt stand the taste so id just shoot everything#but some family members are more Alcohol Connoisseurs and sth clicked christmas and im like Damn ......#also walmart has this cheese filled garlic breadsticks. Cole's breadsticks. AMAZING with wine amazing stuff#anyways all that to say i get drunk like thrre nights in a row and may be sorta scaring myself telling myself im on the#Alcoholic Slippery Slope but also .... alcoholism = slippery slope#i dont get drunk schoolnights tho/nights i gotta be up early in the morning and i have a l8 start tmrw so i can afford to have#a little few sippies which go a long way#but yea. ig if this continues too much & interferes with school or work itll be a problem but im sorta just psyching myself out rn#i can have a good evening without alcohol but being a young adult living alone paying most of ur own bills and then getting drunk 3 nights#in a row bc u CAN is ..... scary ghe first time u do it ig#hm i shld tag this#alcoholism //#addiction //#also those breadsticks + wine + PHILOMENA CUNK. great evening to unwind. i DO recommend to all.#also i gotta keep searching cuz i lost a very beautiful & expensive ring today its gold & sapphire i got it 4 mysel#but im letting the boy from work who j love who i got him a job bc i love him think its an engagement ring bc im OVER HIM#but yea i lost it todah & am kicking myself because its VERY beautiful >:-((((#fuck da police but im gna see campus pd tomorrow. ive filed claims w a bunch of offices on campus so PD is the last stop + they may be able#to pull up footage bc its likely someone stole it. :///#n e wayz#back 2 cunk on britain
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Most Beautiful Feature
"I... don't even know what to say to this one. Apparently humans have gotten a lot more weird in the time since I was sealed. I'm just going to eat this one. Okay? Okay."
#muse: udeki#remember this little meme from last night#ye bringing it back while I work up the ability to do replies and christmas asks
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Second day of running off of coffee and spite only
#this week of camp is always the busiest. i have something that goes late into the night every night#im exhausted and want to spend time with friends and other people#especially because this is my last year. but its fine!#theyre good and important things that i love im just tired#tonight im telling the pegend of our camp's beginnings#i used to tell it and then passed it on to someone#but since this is my last year he asked if i want to do it one last time#and i really fucking do. so ive been practicing and im excited but its also bittersweet and kinda difficult#idk. the woman that passed it on to me was super important to me but is now no longer in my life#so im feeling some weird things about that#also tomorrow is Christmas in July (a secret santa we do with staff) and im so fucking excited#x in j is my favorite holiday ever in the world#and i have a good friend of mine. i just hope the person that has me actually cares#its my last year at camp and i just really want a nice x in j as my last#im so tired i resorted to the black coffee in the dining hall. i drank it so fast#i wiuld love to go to sleep but after i tell the legend tonight i have to work on x inj#and i love to procrastinate so i cant work on it until my gf comes back to camp with the materials that i need#(im just gonna vent now. even though thats all ive been doing)#its my last year and im so burnt out but i love it here so its hard#and everyone keeps trying to convince me to come back next year. its hard. its not easy. im tired and want to go home#but i also want to be here and i want to be enjoying myself here and i wish i ciuld come back forever#but also coming back forever sounds like hell#im just tired and wanted to yap idk goodbye
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🌜
#starting to think that multivitamins really can save me#a few times lately I've gotten the symptoms of Something starting. without fail I've slept it off#I've been going nonstop trying to get my final project done and getting things read for Christmas#(just worked several hours on hw and I'm gonna shower and drive an hour and a half to my parents' now)#and i went to bed at two last night#but my body's like nah you got this you're God's strongest soldier#so that's nice but also my brain is tired#it all ends Saturday 🙃#anyways it's been a while since i made a god hearty tags post. this is a time honored tradition and i gotta do my part#hope everyone's having a nice holiday season ✨🌜#oh and don't forget to take your vitamins! the end.
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been awhile since I've posted some work cup doodles but finals week is rapidly approaching and this is the mindset fr
#i tried to draw my dog from memory and he came out really good :D#these are no joke two of the best dogs i've ever drawn#aside from the two Einies i drew the next work day (a few days ago) which i'll probably post within the next few days :))#i am so so tired and i cannot wait to fly home and take couch naps and cuddle Captain (my dog) and bake cookies and watch Christmas movies#i did get an absolute monster of a project done last night though so that felt great#and my friends and i are doing our gift exchange tomorrow so that's gonna be fun :))#anyways here. have dog :)#sam says things#work cup doodles#gonna create a dog tag (HAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE *i am immediately shot*)#dog tag#sam art
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I left the other campsite but I feel traumatized I am so scared that this mouse is still in my car somewhere
#usually he comes out in 45 minutes from now and I’m terrified#I swore to god I could feel/hear him on my pillow last night but every time I looked he was never there or anywhere in the back of my car#also I set the trap up wrong SO IT DIDNT WORK#but like literally there is so much anxiety coursing thru my body even if I don’t hear/see anything I think I might still die#I do NOT want hantavirus or something#it’s Christmas the mice shouldn’t be stirring 😩#car life#like clearly he had a home in that campground but what if he decided to move into my hood or the sides of my car#like how they live in walls#swore I could hear him skittering in the back right side of my car this morning#and what if he DIDNT LEAVE#I HATE THIS
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god i cannot WAIT to have a desk again
#you mean i can put all of my art stuff ??? in one place???? and its easy to find and i know whwre everything is??????#oh my godddddd#hiiiiiii my beloved mutuals#my apartment is going excellent#i . really like it. which feels crazy. i have my own space again anf its actually like.... comfortable#or like. kind of comfortable. theres still boxes everywhere. but im WORKING ON IT#and i dont start work til sunday so like!!! i have all week!!!!!!#i get to watch youtube on the tv again.... i get to have space to move around and decorate again......#theres soooo much natural light in here augh#I HAVE A FIREPLACE. I HAD A FIRE IN MY FIREPLACE LAST NIGHT HOW CRAZY IS THAT. IN AN APARTMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!#apparently thats like???? a standard thing for a lot of places here bc the winters get really snowy and cold but it makes me feel so fancy#my brother is visiting today and hes bringing my box of christmas decorations ohhh its gonna be so comfy cozy in here#anyway my desk gets delivered this afternoon and then i have to put it together etc etc BUT LIKE !!!!!! SO SOON#aaaughghghgh. im soooo so so hoping and praying that this job works out because im kind of in love with it here#i got a library card this morning.... the local library is GORGEOUS . and HUGE .#and i wrnt grocery shopping and didnt want to immediately die ???????????#i think thay is a good sign . i think i am in a good place. maybe .#i dont wanna speak too soon bc i Do still have to like my job but . maybe !!!! maybe there is hope for me after all
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