#works Christmas do last night
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I’m about to quit my job and move to another country, I’m so embarrassed 😵💫
#works Christmas do last night#me and my co worker smashed a plantpot#I stole a bottle of Prosecco and I don’t even like Prosecco??
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#die hard#die hard 1988#die hard yaoi#meme crop#blog#merry christmas#pass the yaoi#i checked ao3 after rewatching the movie last night and was SHOCKED to find there were only FIVE john/hans fics and ZERO john/al fics#i gotta do all the work around here
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I don't think I'm going to post a steam schedule this upcoming weekend/week, but I may casually do a couple short, evening Eldin Ring streams sometime before the 19th
#I'm too sketched out from work atm to do a last art stream before the holidays#and I'm gonna be gone betweej Christmas and New Years#so it would be nice to squeeze something casual in#I don't think I'm going to set a time in case some of my other obligations interfere with a time I set#but yeah they will probably be for an hour or two#and late at night#so keep an eye out if you wanna watch me die a bunch lol#twitch stream#update#stream schedule#elden ring#neunhofferposting
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starting to kind of date someone right before christmas is so stressful fr. do i get him a gift or what we've been on two dates but i'm seeing him tonight n it's christmas eve.....but what if he didn't get me anything then it will be weird.....
#i planned to try to find something small enough that i could easily carry around concealed then take it out if he got something for me#but the thing i got ened up being a bit too big for that lol#im gonna bring a big bag of gifts for all my friends maybe and then it won't be weird idk#by some miracle my mom showed me a bag of emergency gifts for the girlies and i was like cool im taking all of them tonight 😂#which was not what she intended lol#but im gonna do it#if i had time i would have gotten him something different but its good enough#he mentioned a book he hadn't read last night so would have been cool the got him that but its too late its a music hat now#if he even got me anything idk#but he specifically told me he was last minute christmas shopping so idk#i am over analyzing this for sure tho#anyway most unrealistic part of christmas romance movies is they're not anxious wondering whether to gift or not to gift#also im lowkey scared abt new years 😳#not that i wouldn't like to kiss him probably but i already have a hard time looking at him without blushing 😂#so that would make it 10000x worse lmao#also idk if i want to kiss him JUST bc its new years instead of waiting for the right moment to just happen? idk i dont wanna rush things#its not for sure we'll be together at midnight on new years idk what his plans are#but we'll see#anyway things are going well but moving faster than expected 😅#also not 100% sure i'm seeing him tonight and def not tomorrow so that might take the gift pressure off but idk#waiting to hear back abt tonight#😐😐😐#also idk why we waited until we were both on break from work to do stuff bc honestly every time we've met it's been after work hours anyway#however it allows us to stay up later than on work nights which is nice#he didn't leave my house until after 11 last night lol#anyway trying hard not to get swept up in all this while its new but fr im like oh this is what it's supposed to feel like 🥺#never been in love before every relationship i've had was awk and forced was starting to think maybe im just not capable of love#but literally cuddling on the couch watching it's a wonderful life last night i was like hm i'm definitely capable of love actually#not saying im actually there yet but it would be soooo easy to fall for this guy which is p scary actually#esp bc im not sure it would work for other reasons
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wish i wasnt so fucking sad
#think its my usual Christmas sadness#tied in with i waste my sunday (because i had the last two days off)#tied in with the only thing my friend wanted to do today was either watch tv#or scroll tiktok#tied in with not having slept well last night#i dont want to go to work#i want to sleep or cry#or both#and not go to work
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#went to work christmas dinner last night‚ had fun#food was nice and drinks were free. also helps that I do genuinely enjoy the company of my coworkers
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good morning and merry christmas !! aesthetic photo of my cookies be upon ye
#just me hi#i put them on the plate and then the little devil and my shoulder said Hey what if we spent the next 20+ minutes editing it#and they were right that was fun lmfvshgh#Except for looking for a glitter brush on ibis! why are all the thumbnails so blurry it hurts my eyes Ghfksfjvk#yea the phone is working out good :) i'm gonna be taking pictures of everything now ehehehgh#also forgot to eat these for the 20+ minutes i was playing w/ the pictures#my breakfastttt: (went to go count but i have eaten some now. ouh) ✋10 🤚 christmas cookies :3#they're little ones- oh hey these pretzel one are kinda salty! yaaay#i like the swirly/horseshoe ones the most though. nyum#/we have pozole my mom made last night but i think that has to be warmed up hfhsvh#we got back from christmas midnight mass and everyone- Everyone (crazy) went to bed as soon as we got home lmfhvshg#i don't think that's ever happened. usually a couple are still awake until dawn and Then they go to sleep lol#yea but we didn't even get to try to the pozole last night <//3 helped to strain it last night though :D it smelled kinda sweet+spicy so ou#//we're waiting til i think friday or saturday for presents this year because of the Events so noo wrapping cleaning today 🎉💥 kfsvh#and i've been asked what i wanted. see i don't have that trouble of suddenly not having a want in the world: i just kinda don't have that#already for some reason lmao ?? so yea default state. do you think i'll get socks kfshvfh#//do love having to go back into my tags and add the topic slash bc every topic is related All the time Forever lmfsh#//hey but i DO need socks HEY i'm not joking anymore. don't want any with patterns though they will bother me lol#cuz unless i like the patterns i am not going to wear them :/ that is unless i think they're silly then they pass#are they holiday-themed? i'll prolly still wear them during the fourth of july so we can guarantee 1 whole day of use lhfshvjg#however during the warmer days (anything above 55 degrees) i wear chanclas w/o socks. so maybe not so much guaranteed#and also if i can't find it's match i will just never wear it again. truly tragic#i'm painstakingly matching my plain white socks i can Not handle patterned socks again#/wait was this post about cookies. dude how did we get here Lmfjvskfhvahfhvj#//Okay i'm gonna ummm#Ummmmmmmm#uuuuhm. draw :3 Toodles !! merry christmas !! <3
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Simply not having a wonderful Christmas time. I was up all night last night because my dog got sick from a treat we gave her and was puking a bunch :(
#she seems to be doing fine today thank god. thought we were going to have to call the vet but she hasn't puked since 4:30am#and she's acting normal today & kept her food + water down. i 100% freak myself out & worry too much about everything#b/c i was like oh god what if she has a blockage i haven't seen her poop yet today even though my bf told me he saw her multiple times#so then i started googling about gi blockages in dogs & reading reddit posts of people whose dogs died or had surgery b/c of it#got myself WAY too worked up over it & was crying all night. then i went outside & watched her poop very normally at like 4am#so it's like ok clearly she's not blocked up & i'm just jumping to the worst case scenario like i tend to do about everything#DO NOT buy petsmart merry & bright treats. i'm so upset at myself for it. i was like oh haha treat shaped like a drumstick that's cute#but then reading reviews on their website so many of those treats have reviews from people saying they made their dogs sick#like oh cool i should have fucking read that before buying the treats i feel so stupid & bad like I KNOW BETTER wtf was i thinking#like i just would not be able to forgive myself if she had died from it or had to have a surgery to remove a blockage#but anyway thankfully she seems to be back to her normal self today although a little tired but not lethargic tired just regular tired#b/c we were up all night. she's back to herding the cats & barking at everything & all her usual goofy behaviors#actual thing i said last night: 'i lost my dad right before christmas i don't need to also lose my dog right before christmas'#p
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good morning!! <33
#woo it's breakfast day :3#and i started a fic last night so i have something to work on today ^^#plus i'm like 90% sure we're going to get groceries again#just to make sure everything lasts us past christmas#(given that christmas falls on our usual grocery day so :3)#anyways other than that - probably gonna be a chill day#i've been so tempted to make cait + vi main f/os (despite only shipping with them like 2.5 weeks)#but i might do a little rearranging of my list if that happens (and adding other arcane charas into other places familial/platonic ^^)#anyways~ i hope that today/tonight is good to you!! <3333#morning rambles
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Blowing up got a flat tire and I have 0 moneys now
Yeagh I drew that in Walmart just now
#ARRUGHHHHHHHHHHB#salad says!#sorry for complaining but this whole situation is a mess#i got a flat because i cant fill ny tires up on ny own because it hurts a lot#then i asked ny dad for help getting air ao he didnt have to worry about paying me back the full 200 from his dogs vet bill#and then he just. never did. because i sleep on ny days off. even though hes taken my van without permission before#and its been a week now thumbs up and he never did it#there goes 120 bucks. that i barely had#then i gotta make cookies for a work party because i am not doing store bought like everyone else and i asked him if we had ingredients#and HE NEVER TOLD ME!!!! so i am having to waste a lot of money guessing#on top of that for the past couple months hes told me nonstop not to gwt anything for him for Christmas and now 5 days before Christmas hes#like - can you buy me this thing that costs 160 bucks like NO!!! i already got you something and i font have the money#he isnt even going to get me anything he refuses to even look wt me#and this is all after last night he told me he hasnt been even giving hexum (dog) the proper dosage of his medicine wnd yesterday he just .#didnt.#like do you want the dog youve told me you love more than me to have another seizure and die???#at least make a freaking effort. and the reason why i had to take him to the vet is because he WOULDNT#he has 2 seizures back to back while he was off work and didnt care!!!!!!!!!!!#then he had a third so i took him and ye made a huge deal out of it not mattering#sorry this week has been a lot#vent#i just want yo say this was all after his stupid gf left the front door wide open and murr went missing for nearly 6 days and he#yelled at me for being upset abd sad and he didnt even bother to help
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I’m 100% convinced that strobe lights were invented by shitty bands to keep the attention of drunk people so they feel like they’re better than they are
#vent post#I work in hospitality as a day job & worked at a Christmas party last night#the band was ok I guess#but they kept doing these damn strobe lights#and I’m kinda photosensitive so I got a slight headache#and the drunk people were those rich people that go to parties like this just to get drunk so they were annoying as shit#then they had the gall to go 30 mins over the time that the party was supposed to last#so the party ended at midnight instead of 11:30 and I didn’t get to go home until 1 am
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┗( T﹏T )┛
#I am getting Fucking Sick.#In the run up to Christmas and immediately before doing my present shopping.#Again.#This legit might be the final fucking nail in the coffin for going to work nights out#I got covid last year either from shitheads in the office or at the stupid restaurant we went to#and I'm still not recovered from that lmao#I've taken a lemsip to ease the sore throat before bed but We'll Fucking See How I Am In The Morning I Guess#I know the fact that it's 2am isn't helping but consider I stayed up late watching wrestling and the Toy Show on Friday#and my sleep schedule hasn't recovered yet lmao#glitterblob delete me
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Chat what the Fuck
#i swear to God. every time I'm like no I'm putting my foot down I'm moving on. or i think maybe i was wrong and he's not my person#something pops up to remind me of him#but literally 4 minutes ago. Four. Minutes. He was driving behind me on his way to work i watched him pull into work are you JOKING ME#WHAT THE FREAK#lord release me from these shackles (loving and missing him but not being able to be with him in any capacity)#whatever#he definitely knew it was me lmao. my car is fuckass ugly (she went through a lot)#what does it all Mean though#the signs. the symbols..#like what am i supposed to get from this genuinely#i prayed last night to see the results of placing my faith in God#i did what i felt i was lead to do#and my gut said that this dumbass man will be back in my life by Christmas#i personally feel as though time is running out for that to happen (bc it is??)#but then i just saw him for the second time since July#which. you have to understand is crazy#we live in the same town. my friend lives in his neighborhood. my other friend lives right next to his place of work (hence why i passed it)#this is so strange#documenting all of it in case I'm right though#that way no one can call me crazy#and if I'm wrong then I'm on my hands and knees begging to be put in a fucking psych ward#🥀#wtf man#i didn't cry this time though!!!!!!!!!!#progress!!!!!#ironic that i was very much thinking about him but tbh when am i not
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I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
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if someone could hit me round the head and make me unconscious from maybe 23rd december until the 27th or something that would be a huge help
#was talking to my brother yesterday about how we're going to split time with each parent#and i can't stand it#i don't want to leave either of them alone at any point but we'll have to#saying that. i don't want to see my dad at all#want to spend the whole thing with just my mum#christmas to me is chopping vegetables for her whilst she cooks#would like to do that for the rest of my life tbh#but i'll have to show up to my dad's house and look him in the eye and hug him#knowing everything he's been doing to my mum recently#how he doesn't even want to acknowledge her existence now that she's gone#THIS close to threatening him to grow up or i won't come back#but the threat of not going back did nothing last time#still. typed out a message after my third glass of wine last night rip#at the uni house christmas dinner#which was so hard to get through that i left after we'd eaten#feel terrible about that :/#it's 7am now and i've got to go sparring#head hurts. very tired#also nervous#got too much uni work to do#help meeee
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If you can be arsed with all those tags and fancy giving me brutal advice read away haha
#something is definitely going wrong for me because I want to go out tomorrow night with my mate who is thinking about getting a bag in and#and that lowkey sounds like a lot of fun to me and i wanna chip in but like i think B wants to come out and if he does i cant join in with#my pal because B would very much be against me doing that and like ugh#he doesnt even drink at the moment and i feel like out of nowhere hes matured but in all the wrong ways#like in none of the ways ive been wanting him to for the last few years#but in the ways which mean our nights out arent compatible anymore#and i know im the problem for wanting to be nihilistic hedonistic whatever#but i feel like im getting back the bit of my early 20s covid and working in care robbed me of#and hes already had his phase of that sort of stuff but like would be annoyed with me if i was doing coke around him and stuff#im definitely being selfish and should just say no to the drugs and like be a good girlfriend but#ahhhhhh idk if i cant have christmas like and i didn't get christmas eve at the pub then i kinda want boxing day at the pub with my mates#ugh#a tiny part of me is considering changing my plans with b and being borderline dishonest but also i know that#doing that is going to make whatever problem there is between us worse?#ultimately i know that im morally in the wrong here tbh and also like a bit of a loser
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