#head hurts. very tired
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if someone could hit me round the head and make me unconscious from maybe 23rd december until the 27th or something that would be a huge help
#was talking to my brother yesterday about how we're going to split time with each parent#and i can't stand it#i don't want to leave either of them alone at any point but we'll have to#saying that. i don't want to see my dad at all#want to spend the whole thing with just my mum#christmas to me is chopping vegetables for her whilst she cooks#would like to do that for the rest of my life tbh#but i'll have to show up to my dad's house and look him in the eye and hug him#knowing everything he's been doing to my mum recently#how he doesn't even want to acknowledge her existence now that she's gone#THIS close to threatening him to grow up or i won't come back#but the threat of not going back did nothing last time#still. typed out a message after my third glass of wine last night rip#at the uni house christmas dinner#which was so hard to get through that i left after we'd eaten#feel terrible about that :/#it's 7am now and i've got to go sparring#head hurts. very tired#also nervous#got too much uni work to do#help meeee
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[images ID: three images of a comic titled "one must imagine sisyphus happy" by druid-for-hire. it is a visual narrative beginning with someone with wrist pain (depicted by bright orange nerves) working at a drafting table. the reader is shown the same wrist as the person uses it for many everyday tasks such as carrying a grocery basket, pushing elevator buttons, typing, and doing dishes, until the pain dissolves all the panels into chaos. the person then performs several physical therapy exercises until the pain subsides. they sit back down at a desk with their laptop, sigh, and begin typing. a small spark of pain reappears. end id]
a fun little piece i made during the semester and submitted into our school comic anthology! (which you can buy at the Static Fish table at MoCCAFest in NYC ;] ). it's about artists and injury
#comic art#comics#original comic#chronic pain#carpal tunnel#tendonitis#my art#original#edit: what a delightful surprise to see this take off#this was made for class on very low fuel and very few thoughts and late at night and exhausted#the prompt was just a wordless narrative essay. three pages. and i had nothing and no ideas#and my head hurt and i was too tired to think about doing any of the like. research and mind mapping and ideating i'd do otherwise#but my arm hurt#so i decided to do a thing about arm hurty#i'm surprised to see so many people finding it resonating with them#but then again i shouldn't be. the universal lies in the specific#i should make more things about smaller stuff
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Somewhere in the woods, a moth tires of seeking light
#gempearl#shinyduo#shiny duo#not meant to be shipping propaganda for the poll but I mean... feel free to take it as such!!#the solitary plants feel out of place and maybe the color gradients could be better but its fineeeeeee. Not my proudest background...#also haha get it. Moth tires of seeking light. There's light all around her but its symbolic you guys#vaguely inspired by an estonian song. Some of the lyrics:#Luck pat her little girl’s head and repeated that beautiful is everything that there is#The girl then smiled and that was enough for her heart to understand where the sun lay#one of my favorite songs ever. Very beautiful and Id love to make an animatic or smth for it but the lyrics get a bit too specific :(#Shame that its in estonian and probably offputting to a lot of people too but.... õnn ja arm by mari pokinen.......#hermitshipping#commission#centaur cuddles tee hee <3#horses etc cant actually twist their bodies that much without it hurting them I think. But please suspend your disbelief for me pleasee#tubby art
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The Curse Of Hope
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Danny is in another universe. He had a reason, but he doesn’t remember anymore. He can only stare, horrified and disgusted, at the sickest city spirit he’s ever seen. Shivering and swaying with every step, core exposed, and ectoplasm leaking from wounds that are decades old. A ratty blanket was thrown over their shoulders, barely hiding the spirit’s pale grey skin and protruding black bones.
The spirit didn’t even sense him until he reached out to touch its wispy shoulders. The spirit flinched, clutching at the dozens of trinkets hanging from their neck and tucking in on themselves like they were expecting a blow.
“Oh, shit,” He swore, floating back a few feet, hands in the air, to show he meant no harm. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m not here to steal from you.” The spirit shivered again and rolled a pearl necklace in between their fingers. A nervous habit. “Uh, I like that pocket watch? It’s very nice.”
That got their attention. They peeked at Danny, and he saw that more tattered cloth was covering their eyes, blending in with the stringy hair that reached the ground. Their blanket fluttered weakly, revealing hundreds of thousands of tiny marks etched into their skin. Scars, really. Scars that wrote out curse after curse onto the spirit’s very being. They burned with evil intent, and even reached inside the spirit’s body and wrapped around their core.
Occasionally, blinding specks of color raced across their body, temporarily erasing the writing, but it always returned quickly. He watched, a little detached, as one particular line rewrote itself across their rough forearm, drawing fresh ectoplasm like someone was writing it with a thin knife.
“Are you…alright?” Danny stuttered. A stupid question.
The spirit cocked its head. He couldn’t see their eyes, but he felt their burning gaze as they pondered the question.
“The pain of others becomes mine own.” They rasped. “The lights of the city dim as rotten wealth clogs mine veins. Magicks long forgotten have eaten mine skins, pulled mine cloak, and darkened mine skies. Helios has refused to grace mine doorstep, and the seasons of the Earth have revoked their kindness.”
Danny held his breath. It felt like he was the one with the exposed core, not the spirit.
The spirit shivered once more. “Tell mine soul, little lamb. How could this Forsaken City know peace, when it was long since ripped from mine hands?”
Shit, he needed Frostbite. And maybe Clockwork. Now.
-Or-
Danny meets the spirit of Gotham City. The villains and rogues that have plagued the city for decades are literal curses that are taking quite the toll on Gotham, and honestly, Danny isn’t sure how much longer they can hold out. The heroes seem to be doing some help, and are probably the reason Gotham made it this far, but the poor city needs help from the Realms if they want to get better.
Luckily, Danny can provide that help.
But only if he could get Gotham to leave their city behind. Because recovery is going to take a very long time.
#dpxdc#pondhead blurbs#Gotham is very lanky and tall and had dozens of necklaces around their neck#the necklaces are just cords filled with lost things the citizens have lost over the years#like bits of glass or wedding rings or hag stones made from a destroyed gargoyle#actually I have a weird picture of Gotham in my head I might draw it#it’s giving Bloodborne to me but idgaf#basically Danny meets Gotham and is trying to convince them to go with him for medical help because what the fuck#those curses are the equivalent of leaving hundreds of leeches stuck to your body for ten years#Danny is BEGGING Gotham to come with him#there’s potential for angst but if you want crack then Danny probably replaces Gotham#I think there’s already a similar fic where he becomes the new spirit of Gotham but I haven’t read all of that#anyways the Batfam are like#invasive animals that are actually helping the ecosystem recover from an even WORSE invasive species#but they aren’t supernatural heroes and they don’t understand that the issue is deeper#I’m calling this the Curse of Hope because Danny is offering hope to Gotham#but Gotham is just so tired and sick and hurt that they don’t want to risk it#they think Danny is another curse come to plague them#should he just straight up adopt the city at this point?#idk it probably depends on how it’s written#sad course is to let Gotham die. happy ending is where they are treated and returned#crack ending probably has Danny adopting the city and introducing them to his own city spirit Amity Park#oh shit is that a new ship#guys please I can’t keep doing this#Gotham City x Amity Park#how the fuck do you come up with a name for that#Burger Joints?#Wet Pavement?#bro idk I’m putting this down before I make something I might regret#low key wanna write this but like. I have so much to do
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What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
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This is the same guy who held a grudge for 30 years over a song and turned himself in to a cockroach to fight his rival which is just some bald dude with his wife and 4 kids btw
#art#my art#procreate#artwork#illustration#gore#fanart#despicable me#maxime le mal#despicable me fanart#despicable me 4#Hope ya'll like my cringe edgy Despicable Me AU with tons of gore and tons of angst and tons of yes#God I am tired I just spilled soda all over my desk ahaha--#oh yeah the cws uhh#cw gore#cw blood#cw acid burns#cw burns#cw amputation#cw rotting#cw eyestrain#yayyy#You are watching me fall appart as you read this I am so fucking tired omg#oh and this was all done whilst having a migraine#I legit only develope this au when my head hurts so that's why its all very aggressive and gore filled
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aaand the final two for my DA-themed six fanarts challenge: elgar'nan suggested by @vitaeplaysda & bellara suggested by @the-veil-jumper! 🖤
#two very on brand suggestions lol#my art#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#elgar'nan#bellara lutare#dragon age six fanarts#omg i'm so glad i actually completed all 6 but i am tired.#may have been the last person to realise elgy has those pointy sleeve things and proceeded to have a mini crisis trying to figure out how t#draw his outfit so that's why this round took a little longer lol. also trying to decide on skin tone and eye colour.#i've always drawn him with lighter glowy eyes so i went with that#and then my brain fixated on that ign video for like 2 days......#oughghggfg... <- head hurts
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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled
OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY
#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it#rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf#you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something#he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing#i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience#like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that#SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY#anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels#would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes#but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance#at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down#rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety#because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL#yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is#i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden#eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so#but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too#eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol#yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels#yes. yes this is the vision#yakurei#replies#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival rei
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guys please tell me those batman #148 leaks of jason dying again are fake. tell me they're fake right fucking now i can't fucking do this shit right now i'm off my meds
#this better be bait or i swear to fucking god#i saw those 10 mins ago and i feel like i'm gonna die my heart is racing my hands are shaking my head hurts and i feel like committing crim#i'm too mentally ill for this#i wish this was a joke but i feel very dizzy as i type this and i can feel my heart beating on my throat#i will commit murder.#i hope from the bottom of my heart this is some fear toxin shenanigan bc even if i'm tired of writers making his death his only trait#i cannot handle if it's him actually dying again.#part of me knows dc would have to be very fucking stupid to kill jason again but it's fucking dc and they hate him so everything is possibl#there's things that could mean it's fake like he seems younger and he's in robin uniform for some fucking reason but god does it hurt#i'm trying not to freak out but there's that thing that your brain can't tell the difference between fiction and reality so i'm going insan#chat pray for me#i'm a fucking atheist but please pray for me#i think i'm going into cardiac arrest#jason todd#batman 148
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walking around to shops and things and as a treat in my brain imagining tmn being nice and understanding to eachother whenever anyone's having some sort of mental health/neurodivergence moment. theyre rough and tumble and crass and a bit mean but if caleb has to re-count his coins like 10 or more times its ok, nott will wait with him. if beau cant explain why shes so upset and angry but just needs to get the energy out fjord will go running with her. jester will hold onto caduceus' hand if he's feeling particularly not-there and floaty and dizzy, and she'll make sure he eats something with her. maybe they can share some fruit and jam on bread and tea. thats nice.. cad makes sure yasha knows she can always sleep in his room if she's scared too. and etc etc etc for everyone
#kiddo say#tmn thoughts .. . .luv them#head hurt very tired but i need to do cleaning#may project n say cad also gets stuck in loops of doing a thing until its Correct sometimes.. . he has his rituals#also i think sometimes he gets a bit weirded out and vry slowly spends a long time pulling out sections of fur. just to check.#so he has little bald patches on his tail and stomach#the fur started falling out and it bothered him
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am desperately wanting to lay my head in someone's lap, feel their hand on my head as they pet me
#i'm tired and my head hurts and i want to be someone's pet very badly#as in i really wish i had a relationship or liked someone at least but i think it'll still be a long while#and i don't know how to find someone who would love me like i want so badly#anyway sorry for yapping...#pumpkin barks#canine kin#caninehearted#pet dreaming#pet regression#pet regressor#petre#petre blog#petreg community#sfw petre#caninekin#petre sfw#sfw pet dreaming#puppy kin#pupre#puppykin#puppy therian#puppy regression#puppy regressor#puppycore#dog kin#doghearted#dog therian#dogkin
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insane how quickly something small can tank my mood
#i am so tired of being cut off when i’m talking#esp when someone doesn’t even care enough to realize i was over halfway through a sentence#and doesn’t ask what i was saying#or when they just make it incredibly obvious they weren’t paying attention or outright don’t care what i’m talking about#even when i’m talking super excitedly#it makes me feel so fucking small and unimportant#like yeah i guess the shit i say doesn’t matter 99% of the time but it matters to ME#but it hurts so bad when i get cut off only for someone else to say stuff entirely unrelated#and to then just like. stream of consciousness ramble every thought that enters their head#like okay. cool. awesome. alright#my mom does that all the time i’ll be telling her something and then i’ll get cut off or she’ll wait til i’m done#to out of nowhere start telling me super in depth life histories of people she hasn’t seen since she was a child. or people i don’t know.#and it’ll always be so in depth about so many people idk OR so fucking vague i get confused as hell#in the typical boomer just needs to talk at someone or hear their own voice way (sorry ily mom)#and i know i can go on for ages about fandom shit that confuses her or she doesn’t know about but#idk. i do not have much else in my life right now. and i only have her and my sibling and very very few friends that aren’t online#and even irl friends i only see a couple times a year each if i’m lucky#i just hate my life lol and i need to stop before i spiral#i have already gone on long enough and will be embarrassed when i come back to delete this because honestly who gives a shit#i need to get over myself#to be deleted#personal
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woke up feeling like a very confused psyduck again
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i need to kiss someone right now. i need to hold their face as i lean in for the kiss. i need to feel their lips against mine and have our tongues slide across each other. i need to feel the slight hesitation before they finally give in and kiss me back with everything they've got. i need to feel the saliva stringing between our mouths. i need to feel their hands pulling me closer, desperate to feel all of me
#i just woke up from a dream where one of my friends wanted to kiss me but was too shy about it#but i could tell they wanted it so i gently rubbed their face and leaned in most of the way#and let them close the distance. they were still nervous until i slipped my tongue into their mouth#in which case all worry left their head and they kissed me back proper#and it was everything I've ever wanted in a kiss. but now im awake completely unkissed#I'm tired of getting teased by my dreams like that..#i get stuck with all this vivid passionate imagery and no fucking outlet#i feel so pathetic yearning this hard but all my peers have had their first kisses#friends that i wanted to kiss going and kissing eachother in front of me just for the hell of it#the girlfriend i dated for longest refused to kiss me. i got like. maybe 2 cheek kisses? never once on the lips#even when i asked she would say no. i dont resent her for it but Man did it hurt#the closest I've ever gotten was one of my friends shotgunning me hits from his bong#every time my heart flutters and i want to kiss him for real#ive just been searching for someone to kiss me for a very long time#and ive just never found them...
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I'm so fucking tired. Like. Literally and emotionally.
#Sometimes you start a talk you don't have the energy to finish but you HAVE to finish it and you CAN'T run away#Because that's why you're having the talk in the first place#But then everything you do just makes the conversation messier and you don't know if you should just leave it#Or if that's literally the exact opposite of what you need to do right now#And I don't know who to talk to who will give impartial advice and I don't know how to behave or when to stop or when to go#I don't know how to stop talking even I should. But talking hasn't alleviated the awful weight that made me start the conversation -#So I just keep talking! And that just seems to be more upsetting! So what then!#And then I'm told to stop the conversation and just try to focus on reconnecting#But the weight is still there! So do I ignore it? Do I pretend it's not there? Will that be better or worse?#Should we watch a movie and play a game? Should we talk about our day? Send a picture of the cat? Is that how to fix things?#Should I have never tried to work on anything in the first place and just allowed an old friendship to fade into obscurity?#Would that have been easier on everyone?#I'm so fucking tired.#I am tired of crying and I am tired of explaining myself and I am tired trying and I'm tired of getting nowhere#And it would be so much easier if I just didn't give a shit! It would be easier if I was okay with just becoming acquaintances#But “old friend” feels heavier. It feels like grief. It feels like something I should mourn.#And I know that this is a part of life sometimes - growing apart from people who were your world#But like.... God I feel myself becoming cynical about relationships and their ability to last#Like this was a person who for a good decade was the absolute closest person to me and fucking look at this mess#Literally why can't it just stay easy? What the hell even happened?#If I was doing something so fucking wrong why couldn't they just tell me? When I asked directly why say everything was fine?#It makes me feel crazy! It makes me feel like a highschooler again guessing if my classmates not liking me was in my head#And I've been in the room when they've voiced their secret frustrations with OTHER friends so I know how that conversation sounds#With nothing to go on but an unsettled feeling it is very easy to imagine that secret discussion about all my wrongdoing#If you tell me there is no pressure there should be no pressure! If you want me to stay out of your projects just tell me!#If I make you feel bad just let me know! If you feel I've ignored you bring it to my attention!#AND YES I know I'm bad about vocalizing those things too- I know I have the same problem - I know our communication is fucked#But like... Idk I know that's on me so I try not to let that affect how I feel about them- because I know they're in the dark on it#But I feel like I'm being resented for not acting appropriately in response to feelings I didn't know I hurt#Like you told me not to worry so I didn't but then that was apparently apathy and now I've fucked up big time
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So bascially... I know I haven't posted for like a million years but I'm finally back. Sleep has been hitting me every day that I have slept for three days straight, my body hurts and feels numb at the point, my medicine is making me feel fucked up, I have already went to the mental hospital with my Rob plush (again), and to top it off, my room is a damn mess.
But I went back home a few days ago, I'm started to feel.. a tiny.. tiny.. TINY bit better. So, I'm okay.. for now. (Credits to the owner who made this, this is just a drawing on how I am feeling)
Oh, and here's a sketch I made like, a month ago or so (I made emo Rob ^^)
Oh, the person who's holding a rob plush in their hands is me. Just a doodle out of emotion.
#my art#tawog rob#My body hurts#i'm back#i'm very tired#i feel like i'm dying#my head is killing me#rob the amazing world of gumball#Ugh...#The fact that I only sleep good with my TV playing music#I just drank some wine a while ago and I feel like I fell off my stairs#Help#I'm seeing things#I haven't eaten for days#My medicine makes me sleep for days#Hi
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