#head hurts. very tired

[immortalsins]

if someone could hit me round the head and make me unconscious from maybe 23rd december until the 27th or something that would be a huge help

[burningcheese-merchant]

honestly, i am very much with you about not really liking hollyt/aya.

it feels like. im a hollyberry fan and i rarely if ever see people analyze her character or say something about her, even in the context of that ship. and same thing with pitaya. even on ao3, most of the fics tagged as ho.llytaya just have them as background characters while the main ship is what the story is actually about.

i completely understand your distaste, and my distaste comes from the fact that people treat that ship like it's their obligatory ship to have to prove that they think about characters that don't use he/him pronouns in english.

I'm feeling kind of unhappy today and I let that influence me to ramble semi-coherently. TL;DR is Hollytaya is dumb, boring slop that further perpetuates Pitaya's ongoing character assassination in Kingdom and I deeply resent its popularity, especially when its fans often mock and malign Beast x Ancient when they are literally the exact same shit, but Hollytaya is good and acceptable because (insert lame excuse here). But whatever, I don't really care at the end of the day, I know and like plenty of people who ship it and it's no skin off my nose. My opinions are just that, opinions. You do you, friends. Have fun without me

Man I sound like a grinch beneath this cut don't I lol. Please feel free to skip it if you don't want to deal with that, it's understandable

I just don't really understand Hollytaya. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone when I first went online after finishing the Red Dragon arc and got bombarded with ship art. I don't see anything and never have. Do I need new glasses or something

You'd think I would like Hollytaya, since it pretty much is just BurningCheese in a different costume. But I don't. In fact, Hollytaya sickens me. It was the first tag I ever blocked on this site lol. I hate even remembering it's a ship that exists at all. It just rubs me in the worst way possible and I struggle to even put how or why into words. It's as though it's simply a trait passed down from my distant ancestors and whatever the reason for it existing was was lost to time eons ago. Some primal repulsion. Fighting a centuries old blood feud when you hardly even remember why anymore.

Pitaya acts like a child. Hollyberry treats him like a child. I do not see how romance could bloom in a dynamic like that. All Pitaya ever does is act like a spoiled brat. A whiny dimwit. And Hollyberry behaves accordingly, in my eyes. Why would you want to date the person you basically have to mother every time you meet. "If you won't stop terrorizing my kingdom I'll never spar with you again" the tone with which she said that to him was like a schoolteacher scolding a tantruming 5 year old. Maybe I have different ears than everyone else idk. (You really don't understand how frustrated I am with how Pitaya is characterized in Kingdom. Look at Ovenbreak, it's like night and day. What the fuck did they do to them. Look how they massacred my boy. And as far as I'm concerned, Hollytaya only serves to further ruin Pitaya's character, because it and every depiction I've ever seen only leans into that character ruination. And I can't even blame people too much for that, because the game itself makes it seem like Pitaya's entire fucking existence revolves around Holly and wanting to fight Holly. There is literally nothing else to him as a person, and Holly honestly isn't even all that much better tbh. Holly is a jolly drunkard who takes nothing seriously and has a happy dandy life while everyone else around her suffers tremendously (I know that's not true, I know there's so much more to Holly, but Holly's development has been massively neglected to the point that she almost seems one-dimensional compared to the other Ancients) and Pitaya is her pet dog. It's a fucking disgrace)

All the fanart is the same. Just the same shit every time. All anyone ever does is make Pitaya a dumb simp and Holly the big strong woman in charge (and always taller than Pitaya for some reason. Why are you all afraid of Tall Pitaya. What's this unconscious need to drag Pitaya as far down beneath Holly as possible in any way possible. They're a fucking dragon, just let them be tall. Holly doesn't lose her worth if she's shorter than Pitaya lol). Never seen a single person ever actually address that Pitaya has committed actual crimes against Holly, her family and her kingdom, and has never said or done anything to apologize or atone. Never seen anyone acknowledge that Holly should have to morally and psychologically struggle with wanting to be with someone that personally threatened to kill her son and granddaughter. Never seen anyone acknowledge that Holly would be shunned by her people for basically romancing their dictator and would-be killer, and her friends would question her sanity and integrity. I can do that shit with GC and BS (and Holly and Eternal Sugar, for that matter), why can't anyone do it for Holly and Pitaya? Hollytaya is the not-yaoi equivalent of yaoi slop to me. It's fucking dumb and boring. I see Hollytaya randomly appear before my eyes somewhere and I remember what was done to ShadowVanilla. Except Shadowvanilla wasn't always slop, it got turned into it by new fans. Meanwhile that is what Hollytaya always was from day 1 and you can't convince me otherwise

Holly and Pitaya have nothing to offer each other romantically. Nothing that a simple friendship can't also provide. I just like them as friends. Brother from another mother. Sister from another mister. I think of them and I remember Mona-Lisa and Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Rec or some funny friend/sibling relationship like that. That's enough for me and I don't understand why it isn't enough for anyone else. (They've repeatedly referred to each other as "friend" anyway. They've already friendzoned each other lol. Sorry to burst everyone's bubble.)

It's one thing to have to endure its unfortunate popularity, and like there's nowhere I can go to escape it and no one to talk to who doesn't like it either. Hollytaya almost feels mandatory to some extent. I feel the phantom sensation of the barrel of a gun burrowing into the back of my head whenever I'm forced to see it again because a mutual or someone I follow reblogged something (and I can't just click "not interested" like I usually do, you can't do that with reblogs). Triply so not only because I ship them both with other characters, but also because I ship Pitaya with Fire Spirit, when the fandom just randomly declared them parent and child and routinely attacks anyone that interprets them differently. This ship makes me feel so alone. Like the one black sheep in a sea of white.

It's another thing to see so many fans be so hypocritical about it. Huge chunk of Hollytaya fans I've seen will turn around and decry Beast x Ancient when that is literally what Hollytaya is. Zero irony or self-awareness. And I mean, fine. Whatever. Be that way. Lord knows I'm not all that different. Just don't be a dick about it. Which a lot of them are lol. A lot of them are the same ones that will actively harass Beast x Ancient fans, because you know. BurningCheese is toxic but Hollytaya isn't. Somehow. For some reason. (I've genuinely tried so hard to understand that and I can't lol. By all accounts, the fandom should hate Hollytaya because it fits the criteria for "toxic" and "abusive". But they don't. It's one of the most popular ships. Because? Because. Just because. No actual reason listed. I get the impression that a lot of people in this fandom don't think things through often lol)

Idk man. PitayaFire is vastly superior to me. Pitaya's and Fire Spirit's deep flaws and hidden virtues mesh so much better together. They have more to give and more to take from each other. The foundation of their relationship is already so fascinating. The fact that this ship is slept on the way it is is so wild to me. Where have any of you been. What's going on with you guys. PitayaFire is peak real estate for angst and tension and character exploration. Why y'all gotta leave me hanging like this. I'm not crazy I swear

But... whatever. I say all of this and end it with "ship what you want it's not my problem". Because it honestly isn't. As annoyed as I sound, I really don't pay ships I don't like much thought unless prompted, like with asks like this one. I blocked the tags forever ago and just click "not interested" if they show up on my dash. I don't go looking for content because it's not for me. And I don't go out of my way to bother anyone who likes Hollytaya or whatever else I don't because that's shitty and a waste of time. They're talking cookies who honestly gives a fuck. Do whatever so long as it isn't adult x minor or something equally inexcusable. I have plenty of friends and mutuals and followers that like Hollytaya and I don't think any less of them for it. I still like and cherish them. I'd be an awfully lonely person if I turned away everyone who liked something I don't. That's a terrible way to live, nobody should do that.

And of course, everyone is welcome to disgree and/or ignore me. I'm just a random weirdo on Tumblr, my opinions aren't the law lol. Doesn't actually mean anything to me if someone doesn't like BurningCheese or PitayaFire, so it shouldn't mean anything to anyone if I don't like Hollytaya. We all have more important things to care about than that

[monstermoviedean]

i've been dreading this friday afternoon budget meeting all week and telling myself "you just have to get through this and then you're in the clear." and it was predictably miserable until 4 minutes before the end when someone pointed out that we only had 4 minutes left and we hadn't even talked about the thing we needed to talk about. and then we had to schedule another meeting 😭😭😭😭

[silverysongs]

quite a nasty ride

The ride back from London was terrible. Arthur’s ridiculous rhyme about the weather played in a loop in her head, and not for the first time did Guenevere curse the climate in England. Rain smacked on the top of the carriage, deafening when they passed under a copse of trees, and she closed her eyes against her pounding headache. The bruise throbbing underneath her eye and across her cheekbone kept her from leaning against the carriage wall.

Across from her, Sir Lionel sat scowling at the sword in his lap. She was certain he had his own bruises; she could see a line of dried blood trailing down his cheek even though his head was bowed. He hadn’t spoken to her except to apologize, profusely, face aghast, before they had set off again rattling down the road. As irritating and unpleasant as he was, she reflected, at least he had enough integrity to be remorseful.

Finally the noise of the carriage changed from rumbling to rattling—a sure sign that they were on cobblestones and not a dirt road. She couldn’t bring herself to feel relief.

Lionel dismounted first and then helped her down, surprisingly gentle. They made their way into the castle, painfully slow it seemed, or at least painful and slow. Her head still ached, and she had a suspicion that Lionel kept her hand tucked into his arm on purpose so that she wouldn’t stumble.

“Where to, ma’am?” he asked quietly.

She sighed. “The king’s office, Lionel.” She didn’t say thank you and he didn’t bristle like she thought he might.

They passed servants and knights as they moved through the halls, who watched their battered queen with wide eyes. She forced the corners of her mouth up to try and make an appearance of serenity, but she wasn’t sure it was very convincing.

Then Lancelot rounded the corner, and she felt a stab of dread. He stopped, bowed his head to her in respect, and then took a second look with narrowed eyes. “Your majesty—” he began.

“We were accosted by bandits on the road,” Lionel interrupted. “Entirely my fault. Which is what I’m going to relay to the king.”

“Your majesty—” Lancelot repeated, looking intently at her, but she held up a hand.

“I’m fine, Sir Lancelot,” she said, summoning the scraps of her imperiousness. “No need to hover. I’m retiring to my rooms as soon as we see the king.”

She meant it as a dismissal. He pressed his lips together very tightly, face a blaze of fury, but he nodded. “Sleep well, your majesty,” he said, and turned sharply on his heel back the way he’d come.

She had known he would be angry, and she was already exhausted by it. He had hated Sir Lionel since he joined the Table, and this would only made him hate Lionel more, which would create an even larger chasm between the English knights and their single French compatriot. And besides that, he would regret his anger—she could practically see him at the Table, shrinking himself to be smaller, shifting guilty glances her way—and he would treat her as though she were made of glass for the next few days, scared of hurting her more.

Lost in her thoughts, she was almost surprised when they reached the king’s office. The door was open, and she could see him at the desk, surrounded by uneven burning tapers, gnawing on the end of a quill. What a terrible habit, she thought, but even through her fatigue the thought was fond.

He looked up when they entered, smiling. “Genny! And Sir Lionel,” he said. “I didn’t expect to see you together.”

“It’s not for a happy occasion, your majesty,” Lionel said heavily.

The smile faded from the king’s face, and he rose from the desk. “Sir Lionel,” he said, suddenly very serious, “why does my queen have a black eye?”

Lionel cleared his throat. “We were coming back from the fair and we were attacked,” he said. “There were highway robbers, waiting for some unsuspecting carriage.”

The king didn’t take his eyes off her face. “And you were unsuspecting?”

She heard the note of danger in his voice. “Arthur,” she said tiredly. “It was raining, and it was growing dark. He fought all three of them off once they were on us. Don’t judge him too harshly.”

“On the contrary, your majesty,” Lionel insisted, “I take full responsibility for whatever punishment you would give me.”

Arthur gave a long and hard look at his knight. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, only that like Lancelot, he was angry. When Arthur felt any strong emotion, he talked, and right now she could feel a tirade building. Please, she wanted to say, even though it was childish. Please don’t argue. Please don’t raise your voices. Just leave and let me go to sleep.

“I will think on it, Lionel,” he said finally. “I’m not in the best state of mind right now, and I’m afraid I’d be unjust. But I do thank you for getting the queen safely home.”

Lionel bowed his head. “Your majesty.”

Arthur watched him leave. His eyes flickered back to Guenevere’s face when the door scraped shut. “You could have been killed,” he said quietly. “They could have held you for ransom. Or taken you back to France.”

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” She was trying to be ironic but she could hear it fall flat.

His expression softened. “Let me look at you,” he said, taking her hand and guiding her to a chair. “Sit down. How did this happen?”

He was reaching a hand to her face, and she sighed. “When they jumped the carriage, one of the men slammed my head against the window,” she said. “I think they were trying to knock me out.”

He touched her chin, gently, and moved her head to the side so that he could see. Whatever he saw there, he winced at. “You’ll be a sight for a few days.”

“Do you know what you’re looking for?” she asked, scrounging up some dry wit.

“Believe it or not,” he said, peering at her hair, “when you’re fighting a war someone’s bound to fall off a horse. We all learned what to look for pretty quickly.”

His tone was light, but she bit her tongue. She didn’t want to think of the war. And horses made her think of the bandits, and she had determined not to think of them tonight, not when the memory still made her heart speed up.

He probed at her scalp and she flinched. “Sorry,” he said quickly. “You might have a headache in the morning, but you’ve got quite the goose egg, so I think you’ll be all right to sleep.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

His eyes showed surprise. “For what?”

“For not getting angry at Lionel,” she said. “For not starting a duel for my honor right here in this office.”

He smiled. “Believe me,” he said, rising and fetching a damp cloth, taking her face gently, rubbing the dried blood away from her face. “I’m angry, all right. In fact, I’m tempted to cancel the cattle show in London henceforth. Forever.”

“But?” she asked, then winced as he moved to her scalp. He stopped for a moment, and his hand dropped to her shoulder, steadying, almost as though he hadn’t thought about it.

“But,” he said. His eyes, so blue, and soft like water. “I was telling the truth. I didn’t think I would be fair to Lionel if I dealt him a blow here in this room.”

She had to bite the inside of her cheek very hard, to not show her disappointment on her face. “I see.”

“And,” he continued, focused again on her head, “besides all that, you looked exhausted.” His eyes darted to her face, very quickly, and then away.  

Now she was smiling, despite the stinging pain as he tried to be gentle with the cloth. “I see,” she said again in a lighter voice.

He worked silently for a few more moments, and then finally leaned away. She was sorry for the loss of him. “Well,” he said, “that’s the most of it, anyway.”

The relief must have showed on her face, because he smiled. “What a day you’ve had.”

“Wait till you hear about the cattle,” she said.

He laughed. “Come on, Genny. To bed with you. You can tell me about the cows tomorrow.”

[kaname-can-burn]

People are like. Objectively bad at characterizing Nanami accurately. Are y'all watching the same shit as me. He would not fucking say that.

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

guess who has covid 😆😆😀😀