#workplace misogyny

[thatbadadvice]

Help! I'm a Perfect Genius, but This Potential Employer Asked Me a Boring Interview Question!

Ask A Manager, 13 Feb 2024:

I was rejected from a role for not answering an interview question. I had all the skills they asked for, and the recruiter and hiring manager loved me. I had a final round of interviews — a peer on the hiring team, a peer from another team that I would work closely with, the director of both teams (so my would-be grandboss, which I thought was weird), and then finally a technical test with the hiring manager I had already spoken to. (I don’t know if it matters but I’m male and everyone I interviewed with was female.) The interviews went great, except the grandboss. I asked why she was interviewing me since it was a technical position and she was clearly some kind of middle manager. She told me she had a technical background (although she had been in management 10 years so it’s not like her experience was even relevant), but that she was interviewing for things like communication, ability to prioritize, and soft skills. I still thought it was weird to interview with my boss’s boss. She asked pretty standard (and boring) questions, which I aced. But then she asked me to tell her about the biggest mistake I’ve made in my career and how I handled it. I told her I’m a professional and I don’t make mistakes, and she argued with me! She said everyone makes mistakes, but what matters is how you handle them and prevent the same mistake from happening in the future. I told her maybe she made mistakes as a developer but since I actually went to school for it, I didn’t have that problem. She seemed fine with it and we moved on with the interview. A couple days later, the recruiter emailed me to say they had decided to go with someone else. I asked for feedback on why I wasn’t chosen and she said there were other candidates who were stronger. I wrote back and asked if the grandboss had been the reason I didn’t get the job, and she just told me again that the hiring panel made the decision to hire someone else. I looked the grandboss up on LinkedIn after the rejection and she was a developer at two industry leaders and then an executive at a third. She was also connected to a number of well-known C-level people in our city and industry. I’m thinking of mailing her on LinkedIn to explain why her question was wrong and asking if she’ll consider me for future positions at her company but my wife says it’s a bad idea. What do you think about me mailing her to try to explain?

Sir,

You have been wronged in the most grievous of ways by a coven of retaliatory, self-aggrandizing women who have failed in the extreme to recognize your brilliance, your talent, and above all, your general superiority.

Of course you should mail this mediocre "grandboss" on LinkedIn to inform her of the deep offense she caused you by interviewing you in the first place, let alone doing so using a boring question — indeed, you have a moral and professional obligation to do so in order to preserve your honor and the honor of scores of men like you who have never done a single solitary thing wrong in their lives, ever.

But I beg you to consider doing more. A single, private message to one incompetent bitch may not convey to the necessary parties the depth and breadth of the situation. Many, many people have important lessons to learn from your experience, and I encourage you to share it widely. Consider making a public LinkedIn post, and ensure that it is shareable across platforms. Depending on your financial resources, a billboard with your name, professional headshot, and contact information could go a long way toward ensuring that everyone in your industry who needs to know just how you handled the way these women treated you, does know about it. I hope that in your continuing job search, you are able to connect with potential employers who have a much better grasp of all you bring to the table.

[clericsparrow]

Something I've noticed throughout various retail jobs I've worked is the difference in how staff are treated by management based on gender. Even when management are female, I still notice that more is expected out of women than men. The men get away with not pulling their weight, meanwhile a woman will simply stop and ask her coworker how her weekend was and get scolded for talking and told to get back to work. Men can get away with barely even looking at customers they're serving, whereas women will be perfectly polite and friendly, but get told off for not smiling enough. I've seen male coworkers get promoted despite literally doing nothing but fuck around with other men we work with all day, meanwhile, their female coworkers end up picking up their slack. If they don't, then they're usually getting blamed for stuff not getting done because management expect so much more out of women than they do men.

An example I can think of is the time I had two coworkers who liked to go out partying all the time. Management thought the man coming in hungover and late to every shift was endearing. He never got reprimanded for it. Even when he'd show up two hours late it was okay because "that's just what he's like!" Meanwhile, the female coworker who went out partying would show up on time, be a little hungover but would still do anything that was asked of her, and she was always presentable. Yeah, she got fired for coming in hungover.

Or another one I remember is when a male coworker was on extended sick leave. Management were so worried for him and constantly checking in to make sure he was doing well. A female coworker got diagnosed with a neurological condition and needed some time off work while she adjusted to her medication. She was called dramatic, attention seeking, and no one bothered to check in with how she was doing.

Even on our breaks we aren't free from these weird double standards. I always got snide comments about eating processed food on my break. I'd constantly have people in my ear saying it's bad for me and told I would ruin my body if I kept eating like that (ironically I had a restrictive eating disorder at the time, so I was damaging my body, just not really in the way they were thinking I was). Most of my male coworkers would have eaten similar things, but no one made any comments on their dietary choices.

It's just so insane to me that people pretend that workplace misogyny is a thing of the past, when it very clearly isn't. Male mediocrity gets celebrated, while hard working women never get any recognition.

[nerdby]

I found one of my favorite movies on Hulu.

The Devil Wears Prada.

I'm kinda really insecure about admitting how much I like the movie because my ex said that having an interest in fashion made me seem shallow. And I don't like worship fashion designers or anything. I mean, it'd be cool to own designer clothes and stuff just cause....Well, the only designer anything I've ever owned was pair of like Sketchers or whatever. The entire time I've lived on my own the most I've ever paid for a single piece of clothing was that wasn't sneakers was $80USD.

But what I like about fashion is just the psychological aspects of color theory and self-expression through clothing. And what I like about the movie is that its a commentary on workplace misogyny and how fucked up it is that people assume women who are business leaders must be pure evil whereas male business leaders are perceived as charismatic and charming.

Jfc, I wish I knew how to explain this without sounding like a fucking bootlicker.

Anyway, I'm gonna try to watch it tonight for the first time in years so....Wish me luck or whatever.

[undergroundmotherroad-blog]

New Year, Same Old Bullshit - Tales of a Bad Manager

I've been trying to figure out what my bad boss wants, but I made a new year's resolution to stop giving a shit about what he wants and focus on myself.

My boss is a sack of shit, as a manager of people he fails epically to develop anything other than antipathy. For all the knowledge he has about our company business, he lacks it exponentially in people skills and communication. I’ve been trying to figure out what he wants, but I am making a new year’s resolution to stop giving a shit about what he wants and focus on myself. Continue reading…

[blorbocedes]

nico: we shouldn't be complaining. we have the air con right on us, it's pretty awesome 😊

crofty: we can FEEL the WARMTH coming off you. you're like a Pirelli tyre that's just done a qualifying session 🥵

nico: ... 🧍

helppp why did crofty just say nico's an omega in heat... what is this workplace nico has to endure during commentary 😣😖

[feelingemotjons]

Seriously fuck mr beast and anyone who still defends him. There are no “good” or “nice” rich people. Mr beast doesn’t actually give a fuck about people nor care for them as much as he claims he does. I really hope he does not get away with this shit because this is not okay

[girlschasinggirls]

she was still so polite..

[that-left-turn]

Why do you they didn't lift the kiss? After screeners, fans were criticising it so much and practically asking them to take it out. Even before screeners, fans were all angry about shipbaiting, so why didn't they realise they should have taken it out?

Also, if they knew fans would want to see more Carol, why didn't they make it that way beyond just the premiere?

It feels like they knew fans wouldn't like darabelle as well because they gave no clue of it the premiere. In fact, it was the opposite - they removed the "it's clear there are feelings" look from the final cut of the premiere, which was in the original script.

Is it because they thought GA would like less Carol and more darabelle? (If so, why would they think that?)

How do you think they're responding to the response now?

Why do you they didn't lift the kiss? [...] [W]hy didn't they realise they should have taken it out?

I think some EPs fought for its inclusion. Showrunners will argue for certain plot points if/when the studio wants to cut them. Zabel seems very invested in his "mature relationship," but if it was just him, I think AMC would've cut the scene because he's not bringing anything (ratings/acclaim/originality) to the table. Norman clearly wanted to explore Daryl's "young adult life" and I think that's why the kiss made the cut. He wants Daryl to awkwardly make out with random women and the idea was likely backed by Greg 'likes them blonde' Nicotero.

[I]f they knew fans would want to see more Carol, why didn't they make it that way beyond just the premiere?

There's a certain level of resentment among her fellow EPs over being forced to share their playground with Melissa, so the accommodations made for Carol's inclusion are minimal. 201 was extensively revised several times and initially written by another writer. Even after the reunion Caryl's character arcs feel asynchronous, like Carol's was tacked onto an already conceived emotional trajectory and the only concession to acknowledging her presence in Daryl's arc was his grumpy dismissive behavior à la S11. The stooges speak over Melissa in interviews—what do you think happens off-camera, in less public spaces?

Is it because they thought GA would like less Carol and more darabelle?

No. Carol has always resonated with the GA. She's a more complex character than most we see on any TV show. She's not perfect, like sexist mores dictate she ought to be. She struggles with her dark side (her traumas), tries to do good and protect the people she loves—it's a very archetypal masculine hero path. It appeals to the GA because pretty much anyone can see themselves as flawed and struggling to find acceptance and to overcome their obstacles while providing for their family. She's also an Ellen Ripley or Sarah Connor in terms of rising to the occasion and doing what needs to get done. That's why media critics talk about the character being iconic—Carol was a trailblazer for action oriented female characters on TV, going from meek to "force of nature."

In contrast, the audience doesn't know Isabelle, so we don't empathize with her preemptively. Apart from some unnecessarily extended looks at the end of 106, there was no buildup for the Darabelle kiss and the moment Isabelle compared Daryl to his father, she was set up to fail. Daryl fans who understand the impact of childhood abuse could never forgive that. I understand her motivation—Isabelle was prepared to do anything, go to any lengths and say absolutely anything that might keep her child safe, but the audience hasn't spent enough time with Isabelle to want to understand her flaws or sympathize with her choices. Plus, she's a woman, so she gets labeled manipulative instead of strategic. Women get condemned for traits and actions that are transgressively masculine.

All the female characters on the show suffer from mistreatment. I would've liked to see more of Anna and better character development than the poor jealousy arc over an abusive boyfriend that Zabel gave her in S1 and the meaningless violent death he bestowed upon her at her reappearance by the end of S2. Mme Genet deserved a less shallow backstory and Sylvie deserved to have an arc that wasn't about Laurent or her boyfriend. The women are plot devices and only three French characters survive, all of them male.

Isabelle could've been an amazing addition to TWDU. Imagine if she'd been allowed a genuine connection with Carol? She'd been in an abusive relationship with Quinn and also understood the desperate measures you take out of love for your child. Isabelle had loved and lost her substantially younger sister, had complicated feelings and a lot of guilt over it because she'd brought Quinn into their lives and kept him around... didn't know to protect Lily from him. Isabelle found hope in religion where Carol lost hers. Allowing for an arc between the female main cast would have enriched the show immensely as both Clémence and Melissa are powerhouse actors.

(I've said this before, but you could use the same story engine and external arc and still create a much more impactful story if you just shifted the tone of the emotional arcs.)

Regardless, Darabelle is in the show because the male EPs wanted it. They all have different kinks they wanted to explore...express(?) Zabel: nunmance, Nicotero: blondes, Norman: Daryl as an awkward post-apocalyptic James Bond, or maybe having a mid-life crisis where he wants to be a carefree young adult again? The less said about Gimple, the better. The show is a fantasy for the male gaze 🤷‍♀️

[perenlop]

confused by the people going “polle represents jimmy’s fear of the company giving him consequences for assaulting anya” because like. why would the pony express give a shit when they’re a cartoonishly horrible company? do you think theyd take sexual abuse seriously when they enable it to happen in the first place via unlocked sleeping quarters? i got the impression that jimmy was more concerned about societal consequences and physical proof of his abuse and the expectation that he needs to take responsibility for it, than about the pony express taking action against him.

[bitchesgetriches]

S3 E11 "People treat me like a child because I'm femme. How do I command the respect I deserve?"

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[midnightbrightside]

It is my firm belief that the Kristoph wears shirts that are too big him to hide his snatched waist.

I totally believe like John Melaney, he’s got them feminine hips, so wears clothes that don’t fit so he can be “taken seriously”

He makes himself look ugly cause he’s too afraid and insecure to be the pretty little bitch he is

kristoph gavin is the first man to experience misogyny in the workplace so true

[erebusvincent]

This reminds me of a post I saw about hoping the outcome of the election takes us back to 1863, when women didn’t have to work.

Women absolutely worked in 1863, you unmitigated moron. Insane that women today are ignorant of the fact that women not working was limited to the upper class throughout history and is a recent invention for everyone else to justify kicking women out of the workforce post-WWII.

Also there was a fairly famous war going on that year.

[blorbocedes]

Blorbie I have a question about Nico because I’m still trying to learn all the lore and something I’ve noticed is that there were (and still are) lots of Lewis fans who like to claim that Nico was fairly disliked by the rest of the grid during his time in the sport and I feel like that’s easily disputable and I’d love your thoughts. I saw this post** and was quickly like ‘huh…’ because I’d not really looked into those claims further before but surely the fact that like half the grid constantly shared flights with him means they were friendly, no? I mean sure you could argue they just wanted free flights but everyone seemed to get along with him just fine, it seemed he was definitely involved in the banter and everything from the videos he posted during that time. I also noticed from scrolling back years that he seemed to be one of the few drivers who Kimi usually laughed with, Jenson was obviously good friends with him, I always got the sense Daniel got on really well with him and despite what sewis fans might have people believe, I always thought Seb liked him too. So is this just another example of the LH fans agendas going unchecked and taken as gospel? Did I simply fall victim to the anti-Nico propaganda? 😔

** https://www.tumblr.com/sweetpeapoppy/685938060693749760

did you fall victim to propaganda? yeah lol.

there's presscon pictures of nico looking 😶😐 while lewis and seb are giggling, probably bc nico has been asked for the 30th time that day if he enjoys losing to lewis/does he have it in him to beat him, and people extrapolate off that, that nico is a no fun frigid bitch (unlike the fun loving 4x wdc german seb) who everyone hated, cause he was too busy being jealous and evil. and mind you, this is a narrative that was peddled by sky as well, the cold clinical unfeeling numbers obsessed German, and so a lot of people's 2016 recollections is skewed by this

gif by @teandkimi

there you go. the power of narratives!

and the context to these photos

[lesbiancolumbo]

if you’ve ever “wondered” why i get on such a soapbox about industry sexism, consider that my entire career in that field which was not short i never had any creative or higher-ranking positions that paid well, because every time i advocated for/applied for one they gave it to a man over me, and in more than one instance it was the man i literally mentored. so.

[that-left-turn]

I got a couple of asks on billing, but as I started writing this post, I realized it'll be longer than a year of hunger, so I have to break it up into separate points/posts.

“Melissa is fine with being second billed after Norman. Suggesting she's not is to say that she's weak.”

Melissa is anything but weak, but she's still subject to the same sexism/misogyny and ageism as other women. She works in a male dominated industry and the sci-fi/fantasy & horror space in particular is difficult for women. There aren't a lot of allies. If you work within that niche, it's very easy to start believing the things you're told (directly or indirectly) about your own worth and talents.

Melissa is bombarded—has been since TWD first gained traction���with the messaging that Norman is the star. He's the one people love, the one the fans show up for. The one people travel for hours to catch a glimpse of on set. She's lucky to be a part of the production, especially since she has social anxiety and the studio is so nice to be this accommodating to her needs. She's not able to promote in the way Norman does, so who is she to expect fair and equal treatment for the work she does put into the storytelling and the acting?

Being second billed in the title credits means that Melissa is less than Norman to the show. Less money, less influence on story direction, less authority on the set. She is the supporting lead, not the star. Even the title tells the audience and anyone working on the show that.

Melissa puts effort into crafting Carol's arc. The things she recently mentioned at Tribeca, about going out to mingle among people to observe their behavior? That's research on the actor's part and a good actor does a lot more than memorize lines. That's part of what I mentioned in a previous post about how 'creatives' (I hate that studio invented word 🙄) put in a lot of unpaid hours of work.

Why should she settle for playing second fiddle to the show's "real star," when she invests at least as many hours of prep into the show as he does, when she carries the bulk of the show's emotional arc and to judge by the coverage of the second season, is responsible for the surge of attention? Isn't she owed equal recognition despite not having a penis or being vocal about her mistreatment?

A woman can't say the things Norman or JDM do. You get labeled 'difficult to work with,' a diva or a bitch. Lauren Cohan's fight with AMC over the pay gap was well-publicized and maybe the GA doesn't understand why she came back to the franchise? I believe there's a comment out there by Kim Dickens about returning, where she basically says that as an actor, you can't afford to bear grudges. What she doesn't say, is that her comment pertains to female actors (and most POC).

As a woman in the industry, you bite your tongue often. You smile when you don't feel like it and you say complimentary things about people you despise simply to be able to keep working. You don't want to be "overreacting," or "too emotional" or "too sensitive" when your 'competition' (aka your coworkers) step all over you, or "make a fuss." You get fired or blacklisted for less than what the TWDU men aren't shy of saying in public.

It's also complicated for Melissa because she likes Norman. He's her friend. She doesn't want to damage their relationship by complaining to the bosses (who may have a 'buddy' relationship with her costar) and like I said above, Melissa believes he is the star of the show. Why wouldn't she? She's been inundated with subliminal messaging for over a decade, along with the usual studio behavior to make sure women stay in line and know their place. That place is always below/after the men.

None of that makes Melissa weak. Quite the contrary. She's kept Carol alive and more than relevant, despite repeatedly being sidelined, which takes a savvy woman. Someone who's talented and smart.

[etrosgate]

it's crazy how this game will be like "the shadow is the true self" and then have them say things they desire that the game refutes afterwards, because the genuinely transgressive aspects were included just for shock value.

kanji's shadow is not just stereotypically gay in behavior, but actively expresses attraction to men. but after the shadow is defeated the game goes out of its way to hammer in the fact that he is straight and never attracted to men (and any anger he expresses over yosuke or anyone being homophobic towards him is from the perspective of "im straight so im mad about being perceived as gay")

shadow naoto explicitly desires to physically transition. but the game about "accepting your true desires" refuses to acknowledge that. because gender affirming surgery is included solely with the intention of making the player feel repulsion for the duration of the dungeon, and then the story can make naoto "normal"

i don't feel like writing about the other party members rn but like. you get how frustrating it is.