#work is a waste of fucking time and even if they pay me for it its infuriating
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photographer!gojo was undeniably the best in the industry—a fact known to everyone. if you were lucky enough to be photographed by him, you’d instantly become the most talked-about person worldwide. with just a camera, he had the ability to make anyone look flawless and utterly desirable. satoru gojo was, without a doubt, a man who understood aesthetics.
but no matter how playful, laid-back, and flirtatious people in his orbit knew him to be, the moment he encountered someone who didn’t know how to pose or thought they weren’t photogenic, he became the exact opposite of what his reputation suggested.
like his attitude toward you right now.
as a new model who had already caught the attention of fashion houses, magazines, and influential figures in fahion industry, you’d heard countless praises about your talent. yet, the cocky white-haired man staring at the large computer screen of photos he’d just taken didn’t seem to share that sentiment.
what the fuck was wrong now?
since arriving at the penthouse where the shoot was being held, you’d been excited. while you’d posed nude before, becoming the face of a famous lingerie brand was a much bigger deal. Plus, everyone involved, from the hair and makeup team to the stylists, consisted of the best professionals in the field. and, of course, satoru gojo himself.
naturally, throughout your modeling career, you’d encountered plenty of snobbish, cold people. that was just how the fashion world worked; everyone hated everyone else and thought they were better. but no one had ever looked at you with such a frosty expression from the moment he met you and said, “thank god they’re paying me well, or i’d never waste my time shooting someone with no spark.”
even though his words had deflated your mood, you’d plastered on a smile and acted professionally. causing a scene could cost you everything. as a rising name in the industry, you couldn’t risk your career—especially since anything satoru gojo said about you would be taken seriously by everyone.
judging by the current situation, it looked like he was determined to ruin you regardless.
it had been an hour and a half since the shoot began, and you were still wearing the same red lingerie set. you’d posed a million different ways on a couch with a panoramic view of tokyo, yet gojo’s face remained a picture of disdain. though, you’d caught how his gaze had lingered on your body the moment you first stepped out in the set.
it was like he wanted a piece of you.
there were rumors about him, of course. stories of him fucking with models during shoots, recording the encounters, and making the rounds in the fashion world. and it wasn’t just models—oscar-winning actors, chart-topping musicians… everyone wanted a piece of satoru gojo.
“hey, want me to touch up your blush?” the makeup artist approached, pulling you out of your anxious thoughts. you nodded, smiling as she quickly reapplied the color to your cheeks. noticing your troubled expression, she reassured you that she’d worked with gojo many times before and that he was only acting this way because of stress.
when she finished, your eyes drifted back to the man standing by the large computer screen, scrutinizing the photos. he was discussing options with his assistant, but it was as if he could feel your gaze on him. his icy blue eyes left the screen and landed on you—still sitting on the couch in nothing but a red bra and thong.
your cheeks burned under his intense stare. the disgust you’d been expecting wasn’t there. instead, he looked at you the same way he had when you first walked in wearing the lingerie set, his expression downright ravenous.
while still looking at you, he said something to his assistant, grabbed the camera he’d placed on the table, and clapped his hands loudly.
“alright, everybody! break’s over. back to work.”
he positioned himself slightly in front of you but kept some distance. leaning down slightly, he said, “grab the back of the couch with your arms and look at the camera. not with empty eyes—look like you’re begging whoever’s behind the lens to fuck you right now. got it?”
was he supposed to be the one behind the lens in this scenario?
your body hummed with nervous excitement as you nodded. following his instructions, you wrapped your hands around the back of the couch. one foot rested on the ground while the other was propped on the cushion. your gaze fixed on the camera, eyes brimming with desire, imagining how you’d look at someone you desperately wanted to fuck you.
with each flash of the camera, you shifted the angle of your head but kept your expression the same. for the first time, gojo shot multiple frames without cursing or saying, “this is awful.”
as you added a personal touch to the pose, sliding one hand from the back of the couch to the strap of your bra, a sharp, irritated voice stopped you.
“did i tell you to touch the strap?”
you immediately withdrew your hand, frustration bubbling over. no one deserved to be treated like this.
“excuse me?” your questioning tone cut through the silence of the set, making everyone freeze.
“what did you just say?” gojo stood to his full height, his expression unreadable.
“i said excuse me. why are you being so rude and unreasonable? posing is my job, not yours.”
a tense silence filled the luxurious penthouse. everyone’s eyes darted between you and gojo, convinced this was the end of your career.
it didn’t matter to you in that moment. being new to the industry didn’t mean you deserved to be humiliated.
gojo’s brow furrowed, his jaw tightening as he stared at you. his voice boomed across the set, “everyone out. don’t come back until i call you.”
no one moved, paralyzed by the anger radiating off him.
“did i fucking stutter? get out!” his voice grew louder, sending everyone scurrying out of the penthouse. the door slammed shut behind the last person, leaving you alone with him.
the tension was suffocating. you hadn’t fully processed what you’d said—your frustration had taken over. there were still photos to be taken in the bedroom and kitchen, yet here you were, stuck on this damn couch.
gojo stepped closer, his imposing presence making you shrink slightly. his sharp gaze locked onto yours as he demanded, “do you even know who i am?”
“y-yes.”
“then how the fuck do you think you have the right to question me?”
“i just—”
“just what?” he tossed his expensive camera onto the couch beside you and leaned down, gripping the back of the couch on either side of you. his piercing blue eyes bore into yours as he spoke, voice low and dangerous.
“i’ve worked in this industry for 15 years. even the highest-paid supermodels wouldn’t dare talk back to me. as a photographer, i decide how you’ll look. you’ll move the way i want, wear what i want.” his gaze dropped to your cleavage, accentuated by the red lace of your bra. one of his hands drifted to the delicate fabric, his fingers brushing over the lace. “you’re new, so maybe you’re eager to ruin your career. one word from me could make you the most talked-about name in the industry—or its biggest failure.” his fingers grazed your nipple through the fabric, drawing an involuntary gasp from your lips.
so, he did want to touch you.
“you think i’m untalented, and that bothers me,” you said boldly, letting your thoughts spill out.
for the first time today, a genuine smile crossed gojo’s face. he seemed to enjoy the fact that you sought his approval. “prove it.”
“prove what?” goosebumps rose on your skin as his fingers trailed to the exposed flesh of your chest.
“prove to me that you’re talented. show me you deserve to be the woman i photograph.” his hands continued their teasing exploration, both over the fabric and the bare skin beneath.
you didn’t need to prove yourself to anyone. countless industry professionals had already told you that you belonged in front of the camera. but there was something about this arrogant, white-haired man with those mesmerizing blue eyes that made you want to rise to the challenge—not because you doubted yourself, but because you wanted to see the look on his face when you proved him wrong.
“do you enjoy taking nude photos?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
he chuckled darkly. “i take the best ones, baby.”
“perfect, then.” you shoved his body away slightly and walked to the large windows overlooking tokyo. pressing your back and left leg against the glass, you said, “go ahead. start shooting.”
intrigued, gojo grabbed his camera and positioned himself at a distance.
you gave him exactly what he wanted. each pose radiated the desire and submission he’d demanded, as though you were begging to be taken against that glass. the shutter clicked rapidly, capturing every movement.
despite some shots blurring with the motion, gojo didn’t tell you to stop. not once.
your poses grew increasingly erotic, as seductive as you could possibly make them. after all, this was a lingerie brand. anyone who bought a lacy set like this would probably strut around their house wearing it, striking sexy poses just for fun.
your hands moved to the clasp of your bra, and with a sly grin, you unhooked it. gojo’s finger froze on the shutter button. he lifted his head from behind the camera, his hungry eyes fixed on you as if silently begging you to take the damn thing off already.
“don’t you want me to keep going?” you teased, hesitating before sliding the straps off your shoulders.
“don’t you dare stop!” his tone was husky, almost growling.
you tossed your bra aside, exposing your breasts. your fingers found your nipples, teasing and pinching them until waves of throbbing heat pulsed through your core. tilting your head back, you let out a moan.
“keep going, baby. you’re perfect,” gojo encouraged as his camera flashed relentlessly. you continued to torment your sensitive nipples, wishing more than anything that he would drop everything, pin you against the glass, and fuck you right here with all of tokyo watching.
your hands trailed to the edges of your red lacy thong, playing with the fabric while keeping your eyes locked on the camera, filled with lust and desperation. gojo’s voice rarely interrupted, only breaking the silence to mutter short curses or to comment when he found a particularly good angle.
you liked it. you wanted to prove to him just how much you craved him.
you pulled away from the glass you had been leaning against, lowering yourself to the floor. slowly and deliberately, you began crawling toward gojo with a sly intent. your movements were never rushed, maintaining the same unhurried pace until you reached him.
“fuck, take it off, baby. let me see that sweet pussy,” he muttered, his voice thick with need as he kept snapping photos. every glance you threw his way, full of desperate longing, seemed to make his finger press the shutter even faster.
“of course,” you murmured, now on all fours with your ass arched high in the air. slowly, you laid flat on the cold floor, your legs spread wide, and gojo immediately moved between them, positioning himself for the perfect shot.
his voice came again, commanding yet low, “play with your nipples again. like it’s my fingers teasing them, like i’m the one taking care of you.”
you obeyed, your hands returning to your needy, sensitive nipples. your head fell back, and you closed your eyes, moaning loudly as you followed his instructions.
gojo’s camera clicked incessantly. his own arousal was evident as he captured every moment. “you want my fingers, don’t you? maybe even my mouth. you’d love for me to use my tongue, wouldn’t you, baby?”
his filthy words made you moan even more “yes.”
“now take off your panties, baby. let me see that wet, swollen pussy.”
god, he was good at giving orders.
your hands finally slid to the waistband of your thong. you pulled the delicate fabric down slowly, making sure to maintain eye contact with the lens. every second, every movement was for him—and for his camera.
raising your legs into the air, you peeled the thong off completely, letting it dangle from your ankles before biting your lip and releasing a soft moan.
“stop teasing and get rid of it already,” gojo growled impatiently.
you chuckled softly, finally sliding the thong off and tossing it in his direction. to your surprise, he caught it effortlessly. while one hand remained steady on the camera, the other brought the lacy fabric to his face. he inhaled deeply, savoring the scent of your arousal.
“so sweet,” he murmured under his breath. he knelt down further between your legs, angling himself perfectly to capture the view of your dripping folds.
wasting no time, you spread your lips, showing him just how wet you were.
gojo adjusted the camera slightly, letting out a sharp curse. “touch yourself. show me how badly you want to prove yourself.”
“please, just touch me…” you begged, unable to hold back any longer. his touch was the only thing you craved.
“you can count on me ruining you the next time we meet,” he said darkly. “but for now, touch yourself and let me capture every second of that needy pussy throbbing.”
and so you did. your fingers glided over your slick walls, circling your clit before plunging inside. as you moved, all you could think about was how it would feel to have the world’s most famous photographer doing this to you instead. gojo didn’t miss a single moment. you had no idea how his camera hadn’t run out of storage, but he kept shooting until you reached your climax.
that day, you went on to complete the planned shoots in the kitchen and bedroom, wearing the other lingerie sets required. you posed exactly as gojo instructed, and not once did you hear a single word of disapproval.
when the shoot ended, the two of you were still alone in the luxurious penthouse. “good job, new girl,” gojo said, pulling out his phone to call the crew back. you got dressed and waited for the others to return so you could say goodbye.
once the team arrived, you thanked everyone and apologized for earlier. then, you turned to gojo. his face was blank, unreadable.
“i hope this is the last time i see you, new girl. but know this—if we meet again, i won’t be this calm.”
you said nothing, offering only a small smile that showed you understood exactly what he meant. then, you left the penthouse and headed to the car waiting for you downstairs.
about a month later, as you walked through shibuya to grab a coffee, you spotted a massive billboard featuring one of the photos gojo had taken of you. when the lingerie brand said they loved the shoot and wanted to sign a long-term contract with you, you felt like you could burst with happiness.
as you waited for your coffee at the café, your phone buzzed with a message. the number was unfamiliar, but you knew immediately who it was.
𓉘13:15𓉝 unknown number: heard you’ll be walking paris fashion week. also heard you’ve got a magazine shoot coming up.
𓉘13:15𓉝 unknown number: funny coincidence, looks like i’m the one shooting that.
𓉘13:15𓉝 unknown number: after the shoot, you’re coming to my hotel, and i’ll deal with you personally for that time you stood up to me in front of everyone.
biting the inside of your cheek, you slipped your phone back into your coat pocket, a small smile tugging at your lips.
photographer!gojo was definitely the cockiest and most arrogant guy you’d ever met, but he was always the best at what he did. no one could rival his professionalism. he knew exactly how to elevate his subject and make them look absolutely stunning.
a little note: it’s been a scenario swirling around in my head for about a week now. it’s a bit long... but i hope you’ll like it
all rights belong to the @moonlitwitchdaisy do not copy, reproduce, or translate my work.
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#satoru gojo headcanons#jjk headcanons#jjk x you#gojo satoru headcanons#jjk x reader#jjk smut#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#satoru x you#satoru x y/n#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo x reader#gojo x you
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When I first sent in the request, I only ever had the image of an apocalypse au where despite the turmoil of the world, you could see someone without scars and think that they had someone who loved them, despite and through it all (or some vague but cliche metaphor about scars on the surface healed but the ones below skin deep remaining).
I DID NOT think you would take this prompt and bring it as far as you did, but I am endlessly grateful.
In return for the mile, I give you…hopefully also a mile, but more likely to be a (meter to kilometer worth's) mess of annotations, some circling around the use of kisses and breath as linked to both love and the apocalypse, and love in the midst of and despite an apocalypse (not spoiler free). As a diver (not clickbait btw I really am licensed HAHA) this suddenly made me have very strong feelings about oxygen
It isn’t until much later, until the damage is irreparable and the Rapture is imminent, that you will realize it.
The use of "rapture" as the naming of this loss of oxygen was so so interesting, and I like how the motifs of kissing and breath are tied with the name and nature of the apocalypse in this story—rapture as associated with ecstasy, joy, love, and loss of breath (ie something that takes one's breath away). Rapture to stand for the breath that is being lost. (The experience of rapture as the price to pay to stay alive?)
The world as you know it is ending— but at least you have Seungcheol.
Fuck!!!!!!
You roll your eyes. He shouldn’t see it in the darkness, but he knows you all too well. “And don’t roll your eyes at me!” His reprimand draws a short laugh from you. Even that feels like a monumental effort, like it's a waste of good air.
Adore adore how he just knows, an easy intimacy that's been built together as a couple; now to be tried and weathered by the world. Got distracted by the idea of cuddling w bare-chested Seungcheol, but more serious thoughts below
[COVID mention] Not necessarily in this excerpt, but the mentions of work from home, of sociopolitical and cultural tensions mentioned and painted in broad strokes, really situate this story nicely. I remember during the pandemic and mask-wearing was mandatory, that many commentaries and metaphor on breath and living became a thing, and this reminded me of that.
But, on this quote specifically, and this scene—of the scarcity of good air, and the ticking clock that "unnecessary" breath can be—love, including sex, also becomes wasteful.
Seungcheol doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about the two of you waking up in pools of your own sweat, doesn’t care that there are whole government newscasts on how to preserve oxygen in enclosed spaces. He holds you like a lifeline and kisses you until you’re breathless.
Insert above commentary on the irony of Rapture as the name of the apocalypse, but also, it got me thinking about how in an apocalypse where breath becomes precious, rapture would not be the worst way to go. It's also a reoccurring motif in other segments, but I just want to say that good on this couple that joy and (real) rapture are still treated as worthy of being reached and grasped amid the scarcity of what some would regard as its necessary prerequisites. Above line also links to the "Is it bad that I want you again" to "I want you all the time" + laughter bit (got me wanting to keel over)
In between giggles, he kisses every part of you. Again, and again, and again.
Tentatively, you press chaste kisses to the injuries. Seungcheol’s hands find purchase at your waist and he tilts his head back, letting you work your magic. He’s quiet as your lips trace over each gash and wound, as you take away all the hurt with the ghost of a kiss.
Obviously not present in the POV of this fic, but I do like to think that some outsider saw the lack of scars on these two people weathering the end of the world together and understood that they loved and were loved. Also, Seungcheol as trying to ease worry through levity (and masking vulnerability with affection) makes me both swollen with love and profoundly sad
Anyway, the good stuff: Today’s sunset painted the sky purple. We snagged some still-cold cans of Sprite in an abandoned 7-Eleven. Cheol spotted a family of ducks crossing the road, pointed it out, and said “us, soon!” Us, soon. It feels dangerous to hope, but that’s all I seem to do nowadays. That and being on the run. (Cheol made me strike out that last part, but whatever.)
US SOON?!?!!?!? YOU WANT TO JINJJA KILL ME
anyway, smth smth hope does not have feathers, she has a bloody lip and scars on her chin and dirt under her fingernails, etc—
And so here is a small list of things I took for granted:
GRRRR this got me, also cos I have chewed on the idea of lists as a sort of antithesis to narrative (not my idea specifically, but one from a review/chapter of a book that I remember discussed the white album) (I have not read any Didion work pls do not come at me)
Lists catalog; they do not impose causality (which is sort-of essential to plot, which is almost always necessary in narrative). Anyway, this list catalogs loss (also a theme I have been chewing on for a while now to insert in a story somewhere, but bears mentioning here)
May the best of my todays be the worst of my tomorrows.
kennawt believe I was just listening to jason mraz the other day (cos his songs are roadtrip material) and THIS QUOTE comes up (never knew ppl attributed this to jay z until I did a quick search tho)
“People are dangerous when they're desperate,” he’d tell you softly— still his rational, kind self even when faced with the worst of mankind. He was with you. He was kind. He was yours. Even when the bullet lodged itself right between his ribs.
WHAT TEH FUKSCSDCSMJDHFS (< actual reaction reading this)
The people dispersed. The cause of the fight— a can of chicken noodle soup, once your comfort food— lay forgotten on the floor. The love of your life, staring unblinking at the sky. When you sink to the ground, you’re moving purely on instinct. Your quivering lips press over his chest, over the red blossoming and staining his shirt.
WHAT TEH FUKSCSDCSMJDHFS (2) THE COMFORT FOOD FUKDCSDFHDSJFHSFS
A final act of tenderness—as with loss is in general there isn't really anything to say the moment it hits. And it also shows in the brief entry (kisses don't work on bullet wounds.)
But also the parallels between this final act for Seungcheol and what he has done in the past:
You kiss him. Again. And again. And again.
In between giggles, he kisses every part of you. Again, and again, and again.
Not quite accurate to use enjambment here as the term, but the breaking of the lines, along with the use of periods in place of commas, brings a poetic sensibility along with hammering home the idea of an end; where enjambment is the line break that cuts a sentence in a poem, usually with no punctuation at the end of the line, here the sentence is cut, and periods indicate the end.
It is our deepest regret that the author is unnamed and that they cannot be properly credited. However, we know of two things with certainty. We know of a man named Seungcheol, and we know that he was loved.
You mentioned in your note at the start that "i cannot say with any certainty that this is a happy ending." And honestly, I can understand a gut reaction of "no duh its not a happy ending you're both dead"
I guess the lining to all this is simply the fact that even if life did not go on, the love remains and was (is) remembered. For these characters, there is no better way to be remembered—especially in a time where love could be linked to breath, and breath was a scarcity of its own. Digressing from breath, it reminded me of the last lines of Cold Solace by Anna Belle Kaufman:
I love you. It will end. Leave something of sweetness and substance in the mouth of the world.
ALLLLL THAT TO SAY. I am so so very in love with all this and you have my whole heart, mashed to pieces as it currently is </3333 your writing is a gift I am always blessed to read. All the love and tenderness (in Chen Chen's words, despite despite despite). Pacing and emotion handled so very well and with so much sensitivity to the characters. Little bits of light amid despair that make life a little more worth it. Love as life seen whole; life seen whole only through death. Etc etc etc (I love u I love u I love u)
like real people do ☢️ seungcheol x reader.
little is known about the apocalypse of 2017. a century later, archivists are now unveiling the relics they found from those who lived through that time.
★ seungcheol x reader. ★ word count: 2.1k ★ genre: alternate universe: apocalypse, alternate universe: soulmates (the only way for your scars to disappear is when your soulmate kisses them goodbye), angst, romance. ★ warnings: major character death. depictions of death/violence, injuries/scars. established relationship; suggestive scenes but no real smut. set in a fictional apocalyptic world. doubling down on the angst warning; i cannot say with any certainty that this is a happy ending. ★ footnotes: this is part of my follower milestone event. viv gave me an inch (a request for angsty seungcheol) and, in turn, i am giving her a mile (a whole thing instead of just a ficlet). mahal kita, @heartepub! this will be the last hozier brainrot i offer you— for now. + much thanks to @gyubakeries and @tusswrites for beta reading! love you both to the end of the world. ❤️🩹
↻ ◁ || ▷ ↺ like real people do by hozier. apocalypse by cigarettes after sex. i know the end by phoebe bridgers. fourth of july by sufjan stevens. interlude: i’m not angry anymore by paramore. atlantis by seafret. end of beginning by djo. nobody’s soldier by hozier.
When the fish started dying, you did not think: This is how the world will end.
Why would you? The decimation of marine mammals and seabirds didn’t make the news. The misguided scientific breakthrough that triggered everything was kept under wraps.
It isn’t until much later, until the damage is irreparable and the Rapture is imminent, that you will realize it.
The world as you know it is ending— but at least you have Seungcheol.
There’s some cruelty in the timing of it all. The two of you had just moved in with each other, coasting on the honeymoon phase of a long-term couple with a new thing to share. The paint on your apartment’s walls had yet to dry when the government declared a state of national emergency.
Dozens of other countries followed suit not long after, all blaming one thing or the other. Food crises. Social unrest. Cultural collapse.
“This is crazy,” Seungcheol grumbles.
The television is playing clips of a hurricane tearing through the Philippines. Extreme weather conditions, the reporters are saying. Due to the rise of CO₂ levels.
You and Seungcheol are sprawled out on the floor, watching it unfold. The furniture store meant to deliver your couch has delayed shipment until further notice.
Seungcheol has always been the sulky type, though the expression on his face nowadays has been less of his trademark pout and more of a serious frown. You can feel his growing agitation in the stiff way he holds you, in the set of his eyebrows.
“It’s crazy,” you agree quietly, resting your hand on his knee in a bid to calm him a bit. “But it’ll pass.”
Your touch seems to give some sort of reprieve. He rolls his shoulders. He unclenches his jaw.
“It’ll pass,” he echoes, reaching out to intertwine your fingers.
Neither of you knew just how wrong you could be.
April 8, 2017
Weird times. Cheol knows just how anxious I get when I’m cooped up, so he encouraged me to pick up journaling. I’m not sure how much this will help, but it’s worth a try.
It’s been a month since everything has essentially gone on ‘lockdown’. The news says that all of this started because researchers wanted to regulate harmful algae. Their genetically engineered virus ended up infecting all algae, and now the majority of phytoplankton are just... dead.
I don’t know what to write about. Terrible oxygen levels? Seafood costing a fortune? This ‘work from home’ system everyone is trying to figure out?
I guess I should just write about the good stuff. That way, when I look back on these entries, I can remember something good.
Today, Cheol tried to fix a leaking faucet himself instead of calling for a plumber. We flooded the kitchen floor, and ended up wet from head to toe.
I cooked pasta, called mom and dad on Skype, and watched the latest episode of Santa Clarita Diet.
Once everything opens up again, Cheol and I have to visit my parents. (And ‘get better screwdrivers’, he claims.)
When Seungcheol first kissed you, you did not think: This man is my soulmate.
It had been a clumsy, shy thing, traded way back when the two of you were high schoolers still stealing away from your eagle-eyed parents. Seungcheol liked to wax poetics about how it was perfect even though you know that first kiss was more a clash of teeth than anything.
You don’t discover the truth of everything until a couple of years into dating. Seungcheol had gotten into playing basketball, and, one evening, you absentmindedly pressed your lips to a scar he had at the bend of his elbow.
The mark smoothed out instantly.
Seungcheol had giggled at the development before spending the rest of the night kissing every inch of your skin that he could reach— injured or not. You still think it’s one of your best memories as a couple.
Kisses that healed scars. You hadn’t believed in the stories yourself until it had happened to you, until you realized how fortunate you were that your soulmate wasn’t halfway across the world or something. No, you had your soulmate, and he was more than willing to kiss away all your wounds.
You had counted yourself as lucky. You still think you are, even now, as Seungcheol strokes your hair and holds you to his chest in the pitch black darkness of your apartment.
His voice is quiet and small when he speaks up. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” you mutter back.
“I’m sure this isn’t what you imagined,” he says. “For us moving in together and everything.”
An amused snort escapes you. Of course that would be your boyfriend’s concern. There’s the rotational power outages and the merciless prices of goods due to inflation, but Seungcheol is worried about your expectations not being met.
You shift in his hold. The days have been getting warmer and warmer, and the evenings are no exception. Seungcheol has taken to sleeping shirtless. You’re a couple of celsius away from doing the same.
“It’s not your fault that we decided to move in together for the end times,” you say into the skin of his bare chest.
He gives the small of your back a light thwack. “What have I said about the apocalypse jokes?” he chides lightly.
You roll your eyes. He shouldn’t see it in the darkness, but he knows you all too well. “And don’t roll your eyes at me!”
His reprimand draws a short laugh from you. Even that feels like a monumental effort, like it's a waste of good air.
Seungcheol doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about the two of you waking up in pools of your own sweat, doesn’t care that there are whole government newscasts on how to preserve oxygen in enclosed spaces.
He holds you like a lifeline and kisses you until you’re breathless.
“Cheol,” you whine against his mouth, the protest already at the tip of your tongue. The end is near; sex should be the last thing on your mind.
But then Seungcheol’s fingers toy with the hem of your shirt, and he sounds so, so sweet when he mumbles, “Yes, soulmate?”
That’s always gotten to you.
“Unfair,” you groan as you work on shucking off your own clothes. “You’re so unfair.”
In between giggles, he kisses every part of you. Again, and again, and again.
June 15, 2017
Cheol and I are on the run.
He keeps telling me not to call it that because it supposedly makes us sound like criminals. I think it’s just funny, and God knows I need something to find humor in.
As badly as I want to say “we have gone through worse before,” that would be a lie. We’re out of our apartment and trying to make our way to some place where there’s better air quality. In the meantime, we’re living out of his car. It’s so funny to me that I’ve started laughing until I’m crying.
Anyway, the good stuff: Today’s sunset painted the sky purple. We snagged some still-cold cans of Sprite in an abandoned 7-Eleven. Cheol spotted a family of ducks crossing the road, pointed it out, and said “us, soon!”
Us, soon. It feels dangerous to hope, but that’s all I seem to do nowadays. That and being on the run. (Cheol made me strike out that last part, but whatever.)
When Seungcheol finally admits to you that he is scared, you did not think: This means that things are much, much worse than I thought.
Maybe because there were bigger concerns, like the car’s blinking fuel warning light and the scratches littering Seungcheol’s arms. Like the fool that he was, he had gone against your well-meaning advice to not look for help.
He did not return unscathed.
Your lips are pursed in a thin line as you rip open a Band-Aid. It’s one of the few that the two of you have left, and Seungcheol seems to remember the fact. He reaches out to stop you.
“Hey, c’mon,” he urges, obviously trying to aim for levity. “You know there’s other ways we can fix me up, right?”
The frown that tugs at your lips shows that you’re still less-than-pleased at his little stunt.
“Maybe if you didn’t head out in the first place,” you grumble. “We wouldn’t need any of this.”
Seungcheol looks like he might push back, but seems to decide against it at the last minute. Instead, he wraps his fingers around your wrist and gives you a gentle tug.
“It won’t happen again.” His tone is edged with remorse, enough to almost convince you. Almost.
“No more playing hero?” you ask.
A corner of his lip twitches upward. “No more playing hero,” he concedes before tugging at you again.
You let him. You move closer into his space until you’re practically in his lap, until you’ve got a better view of the angry red cuts on his skin.
Tentatively, you press chaste kisses to the injuries. Seungcheol’s hands find purchase at your waist and he tilts his head back, letting you work your magic. He’s quiet as your lips trace over each gash and wound, as you take away all the hurt with the ghost of a kiss.
After a moment, he mumbles, “Is it bad that I want you right now?”
“Seungcheol.”
“Okay, okay.” A beat. “I want you all the time, actually.”
“Shut up!”
The sound of his laughter fills the car. It’s enough to have you forgetting his murmured confession of fear, the vulnerability that he had tried so quickly to cover up with affection. For a moment, there is nothing else in the world except this, except you, except him.
September 23, 2017
Is it weird to say that I’m starting to forget what it was like before all of this happened? Cheol is trying to assure me that it’s to be expected, that we’ll all be back to ‘normal’ soon, but I don’t even remember what normal is like anymore.
I can’t forget. I don’t want to forget. And so here is a small list of things I took for granted:
The first breeze that tells you winter is coming
The kindness of people who don’t know you
The smallest fish in the sea
Date nights with Cheol
Clean water
Breakfast
My parents
Cheol says there might be some biodomes ahead. Oxygen-regulated habitats. It sounds like something only the rich can afford. We don’t have a lot left between the two of us, and it’s getting harder to jump from building to building.
But there’s something waiting for us on the other side— right? There has to be.
May the best of my todays be the worst of my tomorrows.
When the gunshot rang out, you did not think: This is it.
Seungcheol never gave you any reason to think that way. He had held your hand as you raided rundown grocery stores. He had positioned himself in front of you when there were stampedes. The world might have been ending, but he was with you.
He was with you even when the strangers you ran into started getting more aggressive. He was with you even when fights would break out over necessities like water and medicine.
“People are dangerous when they're desperate,” he’d tell you softly— still his rational, kind self even when faced with the worst of mankind.
He was with you. He was kind. He was yours.
Even when the bullet lodged itself right between his ribs.
There is not much that you remember after that.
The people dispersed. The cause of the fight— a can of chicken noodle soup, once your comfort food— lay forgotten on the floor.
The love of your life, staring unblinking at the sky.
When you sink to the ground, you’re moving purely on instinct. Your quivering lips press over his chest, over the red blossoming and staining his shirt.
You kiss him. Again.
And again.
And again.
December 1, 2017
The kisses don’t work on bullet wounds.
▸ Archivist’s note: The following entries are undated and some portions had been redacted/deemed untranscribable. We are led to believe that the author struggled to cope in the aftermath of their soulmate’s death. For posterity, we have still reprinted their final entries.
You’re so unfair.
I still want you.
Things I took for granted: ███████, you, ███████, youyouyou.
What now?
My love, it’s only a matter of ███████—
▸ Archivist’s note: Nothing follows.
This concludes our transcribed logs. The full collection can be viewed at the National Museum of Remembrance.
It is our deepest regret that the author is unnamed and that they cannot be properly credited. However, we know of two things with certainty.
We know of a man named Seungcheol, and we know that he was loved.
#jsyk seeing seafret in your list of songs made me want to defenestrate myself before even STARTING TO READ. what the ficukskfhd#spoiler alert I sent apocalypse au not just for the prompt itself but bc its been an au I've been toying with (but for seungkwan's bday fic#binge listening to love wins all and shohikigen then reading this has destroyed me and I fear I need 10 business days to (hope to) recover#𓂃 ོ𓂃 dive log#𓂃 ོ𓂃 dive buddy: kae#I WILL GET TO REBLOGGING WORK SONG SEUNGCHEOL AND YOUR HOZIER INSPIRED JOSHUA FIC SOON. [THREAT]
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The S.. Yuji Pulls
Summary: Life's hard; working at a restaurant sucks, especially a closing shift. So, really, you shouldn’t be all that surprised that Yuji decides to spike things up with a joint. Or what happens after a shift stays between you after a shit.
Requested by: Tia. Sorry it took so long, but I honestly hope it was worth the wait <3 WC: 1.8 Warnings: Themed around joint/smoking, unhealthy working conditions, cursing, banter and bad decisions and friends being friends.
Hope you enjoy ~
"You have got to be fucking kidding me"
"What?" Yuji flushed a tired grin before he brought the newly lit joint to his lips and took a deep, long drag, purposefully taking his time to answer you.
"Don't ‘what' me, Mister! the last customers are barely out of the door, and you've already lit that shit!” You made an angry motion between his lips and the second unlit self-rolled joint laid out in plain sight on the newly cleaned table. “What the hell will you do if they see and complain to our boss? We'll get fired!"
Yuji let out a low groan, pulled himself up to his feet from the chair he just sat down on after a gruelling 13-hour shift and came over to you. " So? " he asked in the most 'I don't give a fuck’- attitude you've ever seen him have as he reluctantly started with the closing routines. "If boss fire's us, well, then we’ll just go work at the next shit-joint down the street. Except maybe that one will pay on time.”
The joke hit a little too close to home, and you inevitably grimaced and turned away from him. Wordlessly and angrily you began helping him while taking your anger out on the furniture with each violent flip-and-slam of the chair onto the tables.
Yuji took another drug before he passed the half-smoked doobie to your lips. "Here. It takes the edge off"
"I don't know Yuji, I haven't-"
"Don't worry about it! You know I wouldn't offer you some harmful shit"
"Normally, " You corrected him with a teasing smile, feeling a bit better despite the shitty predicament you were in. "Right now you’re half a joint high. Who knows the kind of shit you’d suggest purely for your own amusement.”
"Hey!" Yuji, cried out almost dropping the two chairs he flipped with one hand but caught them last second before they could hit the floor. "If you're gonna be snarky, I won’t share- in fact you can get your own- Heeey! Get back here you!”
You knew running from Yuji was like running from a car - a pointless waste of time. But you still felt like annoying the crap out of him, especially after you successfully managed to snatch the joint he was so proud off right from out of his lips. After all, He started it by bringing that stuff to work and lighting it the second the last customer exited the door- consequences be damned.
You managed to dart out of the dining room and took two steps towards the kitchen, where Magumi and Nobara dutifully scrubbed the last of the pots and pans before he caught up with you.
“Nob–”
“-shhh you little-”
“Hey!” Megumi’s voice echoed from behind the swinging kitchen doors, barely muffled by the sound of running dishwater. Both you and Yuji froze his one hand on your waist which kept you still, his other over your mouth to prevent you from disturbing your friends. A look of disgust on his face as your bright pink tongue darted between his fingers- a desperate trick to get his hand off your face. But Yuji was too used to your antics and merely kept his disgust to himself while his hand stayed right where it was, making sure to wipe your slubber all over your face in the process.
"Yeah?" Yuji called out, his voice as calm as a cucumber.
“If you’re slacking off again, we’ll leave without you two.” Megumi threatened, his glare feelable even without his physical presence.
You shuddered then cursed internally, knowing that no Megumi meant no ride home. Which was bad given that the last train would leave in 20, and you still had half a dinner of chairs to pick up, scrub the floors and prepare the last of the restocking for the morning coffee rush, not to mention-
"ts fine, we've got it. Go ahead you two,” Yuji called out, followed shortly by a much quieter “owie” as you stepped on his foot as hard as you could. But he didn't let you go instead, he dragged you back to the dining room, kicking and muffled screaming.
"What the hell is your issue?" You snapped as he finally let you go, and you spun around to face him “Why the hell did you pull me out of there like that? And what about our ride?" You huffed as he looked at you unusually smiley.
"And they call me ‘dense’ and ‘clueless’"
You gaped.
Yuji replied with a coy grin before he brought the re-stolen roach back to his lips. He re-lit it, using his tongue to guide it whenever he wanted a drag while his arms tossed up the chairs as if the entire debacle hadn’t occurred. “ Well, we have 18 min”
You didn’t need to be reminded twice; Howling chairs at a much more human speed, scrubbing the floor and then, with 13 minutes left to go, you began prepping the refills for the morning rush. At 5 min, however, you both dropped down onto the worn yet still-in-one-piece leathery couch, equally dejected.
“won’t manage”, you muttered, kicking the floor with all the defeat of an exhausted waitress missing the last train home. You rested your arms on the table and dropped your head on them, too tired to start thinking of solutions.
"Maybe if we run like now..”Yuji tried to sound convincing, but you scoffed.
“Yeah, and have another deduction on our paychecks, No thank you!"
“Then that’s settled” Your pink-haired nuisance flopped down beside and finally lit the abandoned joint he offered you earlier. This time you didn’t reject it.
"It's your fault, you know" " you muttered after barely half a drag in as your awful influence of a friend pulled it away from your lips too soon. "If you didn’t tell Megumi to go ahead, we’d be halfway home by now.”
“Totally my fault”, Yuji rolled his eyes then added in his defence “C’mon though, would it have been worth it? We close and open, so why even bother to go home only to be back here in 4.5 hours or so?”
You didn’t want to admit it but he had a point, after all, since admitting Yuji was right would be like giving a child a paintball gun and praying they don’t cover everything in all colours of the rainbow. In other words, it was a disastrous accident just waiting to happen. Except in this case, the ‘child’ was a twenty-five-something-year-old man with more similarities than differences with an unruly teenager. “ You know, there’s a thing called ‘sleep’ and ‘showers’ that normal people enjoy and use to unwind?” You muttered with a roll of your eyes.
“ Overrated, and besides, there are showers here too, you know. And we can use the time we saved on travelling to get more sleep.”
You reached over and playfully punched his shoulder. “Oj, since when did you become so pragmatic? Megumi is a bad influence on you.”
Yuji barely sat up straight, but he raised his finger back at you. “Most people would call it ‘responsible’ and ‘growing up’-”
You laughed in his face: “But in your case, it’s called ‘running out of dumb things to say so now when you say something half decent, you sound like a genius”
“ Keep it up and you’ll be left high and dry”, Yuji growled without anger. Then, a devious look crossed his face as he reached down to his shoes.
Your eyes widened in horror. "Don't you dare” you gasped "or..or... You'll be doing the rest of closing chores alone."
"But my feet acre"
"Don't. or I'll tell the owner you ought to pee in a cup”
"Snitch", Yuji gasped, his long arms reached out to pull you to lay down beside him on the cramped couch "and you'd be right beside me peeing in the same damned Cup"
You rolled your eyes but didn’t protest, getting as comfortable as you could in the cramped space. It didn’t come anywhere near your bed, but it sure beat trying to find an available inn at this house. “ Not in the same cup you dimwit" You muttered, stifling a yawn
A beat of pleasant silence passed safe for an occasional drag of the remaining joint, flickering the ash onto the floor and lighting another one. The atmosphere was pleasant, a kind of warm feeling that came with being with someone who knew you from half a word, half a moment and half a gesture. The rest of the chores were all but forgotten- a mutual agreement to deal with them bright and early for a hopefully slightly less tired you.
Everything was going great, almost too great, until "Oh my god, I think something died here.” You gasped out and hurried to sit up, ready to abandon the couch you intended to borrow for the night, at least until your eyes landed under the table on the pair of bare feet awkwardly hanging inches from the floor. “You didn’t” You pressed a hand over your nose.
"What?" Yuji; asked Innocently, already half asleep.
"No - No - No You're not gonna get out of it this time. You reeked up the entire dining room- so you’re gonna get up and finish the chores while I am going to find a place where I can crash that- hey, let go!”
"No..."
“ Eww Yuji, no, yucks, get your death-feet away from me.” You heard him laugh and snuggle closer, effectively caging you in with both his arms and then his long legs, purposefully burying his legs against your pants. Clear payback for earlier. Jerk.
Objectively you knew this was a good time to finish closing up. Stop messing about and ticking your employee clock, and instead, work your butts off for the rest of this damned shift. But as Yuji pulled you in a little closer on the far too small, uncomfortable couch in the silent restaurant that overcharged for water while giving the waitstaff pennies, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, Yuji was right.
Maybe it didn’t matter whether you got fired or not - this dump needed you more than you needed them- cuz surely even a fast food joint paid better, and in the end, it was a question of needing to stop clinging to the familiar. And even if you did get fired, then you’d just find another desperate hellhole to slave at.
And if shit completely hit the fan?
Well, then you’d just file it under the list of all the shit Yuji has pulled over the years and dragged you into it, and the two of you would figure it out together.
… as long as the stench from his feet didn’t kill you by morning, that is.
Author note: I have to admit I struggled a lot with this one. It's kinda hard to portray this intimate friendship and a mix of lightheartedness and despair that comes from a shitty life yet having someone in it.
So I'm really thankful for ☆ tia for the request. It was a challenge I didn't know I needed. Thank you once again so so much. And you, my dear reader, I hope you enjoyed this mix of fluff and just randomness. And if you did, feel free to check out more of my works from the links below!
#yuji#jjk yuji#jjk fanfic#jjk x yn#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#yuji itadori#yuji x reader#yuji x you#yuji jjk#itadori#yuuji x you#jjk yuuji#itadori yuuji#yuuji x reader#yuuji fluff#itadori yuji#yuuji x y/n#itadori x reader#jujutsu itadori#jjk itadori#jjk fluff#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#yuji x y/n#raven cincaide works#raven cincaide requests
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Feel free to ignore this bc i know the topic is annoying but i was wondering about hbomberguy’s video criticizing rwby… did he admit that he made shit up for that or just flat out didn’t even watch rwby? I feel like I’ve seen that said before but never knew if it was true or if maybe I’m misremembering
Honestly i feel hypocritical for never having watched that video myself but also i try not to engage with shit i know will piss me off. The same can’t be said for 99% of the people who won’t shut up about how much they think rwby sucks 🙄
i don't think he's ever admitted to anything - the level of ego it takes to prostrate yourself as a media critic when all he does is make character attacks against the creators that he knows he can get away with (the weird parasocial dogging on Miles and Kerry, implicating them as paedophiles at one point if i recall correctly. an early version of the video having him shitting on Barbara for a tweet she made telling people not to watch the show if they don't like it that was only removed when viewers pointed out that she'd tweeted that in a specific context - that she and Arryn had been tagged in a fucked up edit of their characters stabbing each other by an asshat in the hatedom - which showcases either his poor research abilities that he didn't look further into that or that he knew and didn't care as it was an opportunity to attack someone else until he found out that the context was known and he couldn't get away with it) doesn't leave much room for self-reflection
i'm in the same boat - i don't watch shit that pisses me off because outrage bait rots your brain and i have better things to do with my life than watch that pretentious turnip lie about shit he doesn't like
from what i do know he misrepresents certain aspects of the show (calls Sun white at one point), makes clear he doesn't pay attention in other parts (claims the 'dust robbery plotline' was dropped and left unresolved when it wasn't). oh and he lies. a lot.
about Monty specifically - because he presents himself as having been a fan of Monty, disappointed that the show was dragged down by Miles and Kerry specifically (and makes it clear he thinks everyone else who works on the show is too talented to be wasting their time on it). and dedicated the video in Monty's memory
except he fucking hated Monty when he was alive, and we know this because of posts he'd made on the somethingawful forums about six months before Monty's death where he shits on Monty, shows blatant contempt for everything Monty had ever done, seems to just not respect anyone who engages in fandom (weird distaste for people who write fanfic, make fanart, cosplay) and throwing everything he says in that video into doubt because he's blatantly lying about having been a fan of the man
and you know why? it's the same reason his Sherlock video primarily focuses on shitting on Moffat and doesn't call much attention to Mark Gatiss's contributions. because it's bad for Hbomb's image to attack a dead man or a gay man - regardless of why he's criticising them
#rwb/y#personally i think if you claim to be a media critic and at any point you start making weird parasocial attacks on the creators involved#then you're a bad fucking media critic because the shit you're bringing up has nothing to do with the show being critiqued#and just makes it look like you have a weird fucking grudge you're working backwards to justify#and nothing you've said can be taken as read because you're acting in bad faith
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And here I was expecting to wake up on Christmas with a new chapter posted as a present 😞😞 (jk jk no pressure 😁) Happy Christmas Rist!
*resurfaces from the bottomless bog of capitalism and holiday family visits with a gasp*
hhuuUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAGH!
(Happy Christmas to u too. Sorry for the late reply haha)
First things first, I’m really sorry, but I still don’t have the new chapter done. I really wanted to get it done until Christmas too, and I swear I am working on it, but I've since started my mandatory internship, and working full time has REALLY taken it out of me. Not to sound like a wimp, but oh my god. Oh my god, I never knew how much being a lazy uni student was worth before. Jesus. (I’m exaggerating. The work is really fun, I just don’t have a lot of free time any more)
That being said. Can I postpone your disappointment by offering you a little snippet, in these trying times?
-
In the aftermath of everything she’s lost, there are three things that return to her.
It’s no equal exchange.
It never could be.
But it is an unexpected one, and Bloom of Domino has had a long, long time without surprises that aren’t harrowing.
And the first thing that returns to her, is her magic.
-
Streaks of bright, fizzling purple whip past her head, narrowly missing her cheek and making her teeth clatter with magical reverb as she dives underneath them. She doesn’t get the chance to summon her shield spells; the next attacks are coming from all sides, swerving in a wide arc to close in on where she stands. She doesn’t even try to block them — there are already too many spells that she can see, there are doubtlessly more in her blindspots — instead she shoots back up into the air just in time. Adrenaline hot in her veins, skin prickling with the weight of the eyes still fixed on her. She hears the spells collide uselessly, just underneath the tip of her boots, feels the blinding bursts of energy feather out around her, but looses no time on feeling smug. Week after week of catching a well-timed curse to the ribs have taught her that openings are rare, and not to be wasted. So before the lilac sparks around her have even started to disperse, she launches herself right through them, fists full of magic and aimed at spot she last saw her opponent at.
The remnants of purple light singe her hair, burn her skin, but her gamble pays off: no one saw this coming.
She can see bright, cunning eyes widen in surprise, fiery red light reflected against them. As if time is slowing down she can watch the realization dawn, as the source of the glow comes closer and closer, her spell-charged fist outstretched and headed straight for her opponent's face. Pupils shrinking into startled pinpoints, racing from one point of interest to the next, Bloom can almost hear the lightning-fast calculations going on in front of her. Feverishly looking for the way to avoid catching a spell to the face — before arriving at the very same conclusion she did.
“I yield, I yield!” Darcy yelps out, stumbling back with her arms raised and her voice having fled an entire octave up.
Bloom comes to a stand with her fist still outstretched, flickering power trailing after it like embers. The edge of its light just millimeters from Darcy’s nose, who wrinkles it in a way that manages to convey discomfort and derision at the very same time.
Bloom smirks.
“Yeah, you better.”
“Oh, fuck off.”
Darcy rolls her eyes and combs her hair back into place, casting off the momentary fright for pure, petulant annoyance. “I was much more gracious of a victor when I put you on your ass, last time.”
Bloom's grin doesnt falter in the slightest as she bounces back into the air to keep her wings warm, feigning ignorance as she hovers next to the sulking witch.
“Hm?” she makes innocently, propping up her elbow on Darcy's shoulder. “Sorry, I don’t remember that. Icy, do you recall that ever happening?”
The Witch of Winter is leaning back against the wall, up on the gallery with the others, feigning indifference. And she may hate her guts — though since their last confrontation, she's been oddly civil to her — but her hair is still disheveled from when Darcy had wiped the floor with her, five minutes ago, and Icy is nothing if not petty.
“Nope,” she deadpans without even a moment of hesitation. “Sounds made up to me.”
“Stormy?”
“I've never even met this woman!”
The third Trix doesn’t need a grudge to hold; Stormy would take any opportunity to bully her sisters. She bellows out a laugh, Icy gives a smug little huff.
The third member of their audience says nothing, opting to watch the exchange in silence instead. She pointedly does not look in his direction.
Next to her, Darcy's eye twitches as her sister cackles maniacally, pulling up her sleeves as she stomps towards her
“Oh, but you're going to.”
“Ah-ah-ah!”, Stormy evades the hand reaching to grab her by the scruff, whirling around with a yelp and raising a chiding finger. “Your time's up, Lady! Them's the rules. Get benched, loser!”
Darcy looks like she is seriously reconsidering how many sisters one needs in life, really. But, furious or not, she is the one who came up with the rules in the first place. And when it comes down to it, Darcy will always love having authority over her sisters more than she loves simply punching them — if only by a little.
“Just you wait until next time,” she mutters as she stalks out of the ring, tossing her hair back and brushing the soot off of her shoulder. “Dirty little traitor. We'll see how smug you'll look when you're the one getting backstabbed!”
“Looks like backstabbing is the only way you're ever gonna get me, given that you're behind me on the leaderboard.”
“That's— You— We just started!”
As the witches bicker among themselves, she rolls her shoulders and touches back down on the ground.
He's gonna burn a hole through her back if he keeps watching her like this, she thinks, and pointedly looks out of the window, in the opposite direction of the gallery. No one's making him do this, after all. She had asked him, point blank, to spar with her — weeks ago already. Only for him to deny her, after all his grandiose talk of “You need only ask”. She remembers the insufferably arrogant smirk on his face when he'd told her that she's in no condition yet to fight him, and that he'll entertain the idea once she has recovered enough strength to make it 'worthwhile' again. Asshole.
As if he weren’t the very reason for her lack of magic in the first place.
Granted, part of that might have been referring to her state of health instead — she really did catch a cold, after that encounter at the portal room.
Which would be his fault again, however, so her point still stands.
He can sulk for as long as he likes, while she duels his henchmen instead. Getting stronger, quicker, more cunning each time; testing her powers against everyone but him with far more flourish than necessary. She's made it a point to ask all three of them — even Icy — for a fight, loudly and oh-so-nicely, and can almost hear the scowl deepening on his face every time she passes him by. And now, after weeks of losing every single duel, she's finally managed to best Darcy. Proof that she's fully recovered, her magic returned. Reading herself to fight Stormy.
She tries not to smile to herself, stretches her arms.
He had the chance! She won’t ask again.
“Ready, witch?” she calls over at Stormy, who is bouncing on her toes and snapping lighting into existence around her fingertips.
“I hope you don’t think I'll go easy on you, just because you help me bully Darcy,” the most bloodthirsty Trix of them all snickers. “I will kick your ass.”
Bloom doesn’t bother with any fancy displays of magic - she's had her entire fight with Darcy for that. Instead, she shifts her weight onto her back foot, raises her arm towards her opponent, and smirks.
“You'll try.”
Stormy attacks.
Lightning-fast, deafening in her power. With the booming sound of thunder accompanying her movement, she thrusts her hands forward and sends swarms of crackling electricity racing towards her.
Bloom doesn’t move to block it.
There's a prickling sensation in the mark on her neck. From the corner of her eyes, she can see movement on the gallery.
Her smile widens.
No, she won’t ask again. She doesn’t have to.
With a shuddering hiss, Stormy's lightning is diverted and swallowed by a deep red orb of magic, snuffed out in a single, gloved hand.
The witch's face falls almost comically, as Valtor steps into the ring and in front of her without sparing her even a glance.
Bloom feels a little bad for her.
“You don’t mind if I cut in, do you,” he says over his shoulder, pale eyes still fixed on her.
It's not really a question.
Stormy throws up her hands.
“No!” she whines, “No, no, no, it’s my turn, you— you cheater!”
Somewhere beyond her field of vision, she can feel Darcy smirk in vindication.
“It was your turn,” Valtor brushes her off, entirely indifferent. “And now you’re done.”
“You always do this! Darcy, he always does this!”
“Then you should be used to it by now,” her sister yells back, audibly suppressing a gleeful burst of laughter. “Don’t whine to me for support, you know I don’t care.”
Stormy kicks a stray shard of ice against the wall, left-over from her sisters' duel, and growls out her frustration as she stomps off towards the gallery once more.
“You are all insufferable, and I hate you!”
Neither her nor Valtor watch her leave. Instead, he watches her fail to hide the smug, self-satisfied smirk on her lips, and she watches the irritated furrow in his brow twitch.
She can imagine why. He doesn’t like to fall for the same lure twice — but his hunger for a good fight has always trumped his caution, in the end.
“Tired of watching?” she asks innocently, and pulls her shoulder back to adopt another fighting stance.
His gaze, following the movement, is decidedly less innocent.
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”
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how to explain to your parents that you can't move back in with them because every time you're near them a big part of you buries itself and you're not sure how long that part can stay buried before its hidey hole becomes its grave?
...without offending them, of course
#eliot posts#last time i was forced to move back in w them was when the dorms closed for quarantine#and a part of me DID die then#and i think in those first 18 years i spent living with them so many parts of me died before they even had the chance to be born#they keep framing it as a generous offer. i won't have to pay rent AND they'll get me set up working oart time for my dad's friend#AND they'll replace my car with a newer one#but i do NOT fucking trust it#they act nice while i'm not living with them and am able to freely escape#but that niceness goes away once i have nowhere to go#like that's exactly what happened when i was forced back to them during quarantine#and how hard they're pushing this seems realllly sketchy#i told my mother i'd think about it (to get her off my back) and she said ''don't waste time thinking. just agree to it.''#like hellll no. i do NOT trust like that.#even my sister was trying to talk me into it which i don't get because she of all people should understand.#but anyway. i'm applying for jobs and looking at extending my lease. i am NOT going back there.#i just wish i could tell them that without getting yelled at and guilt tripped and talked to like i'm a stupid little baby.
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it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy
#its only our third time meeting but its so beyond fucking frustrating to feel like we spent the whole hour going in circles & lowkey arguing#& like she never actually listened to any of the things ive told her. like the ENTIRW REASON i told her i was seeking extra help after#dealing w arfid type noncense all my life was 'achieving goal x is always kind of tough but im trying to do it while also achieving goal y &#im struggling with finding a way to balance the two things' like thats IT & then as shes suggesting things to try im like idk of those are#worth the effort bcus they conflict w goal y & shes like. have you considered not worrying about that so you can focus on x?#like NO bcus thats what i was previoislt doing & it doesnt fucking work for me! & she was just not understanding what i meant by adding#variety or having 'better options' shes all like. ok but even if this new thing conflicts with goal y it can just be another option for you#like thats not the POINT i already have enough options i can switch between that conflict with that like the whole point is i need to fill#the gaps w things that are nutritionally different. like if im ok with something thatll use up a significant portion of ny daily values of#shit then i already have multiple options that i actively like well enough i dont wanna waste my time adding more that are things i think#are just ok but take more work. literally whats the point of that#& im like i think rather than me just thinking of random shit i think i could try itd be helpful if I could like get some guidance on like#what are some things that fall into somewhere into this category or this adjacent category while also not being this other thing & then i#cab like determine from there what i already like & can try & add more of & things from that list that sound like sth i can try#& shes like well idk theres a lot of foods out there. YEAH ABD ISNT IT YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW ABOUT FOOD? like i gave fairly specific#parameters this isnt like a 'list every food on earth' type of question what am i even paying you for if you cant come up with a list#like that. & she jept getting hung up on like well lots of things that are the most calorically dense are gonna be like that like ok it#doesnt have to be the MOST dense maybe think about it like 'the densest things in this other category' which sounded straightforward to me#but she was just like continuing to argue & also like getting hung up on reminding me that everything is dependent on portions like#I FUCKING KNOW?? like if a serving of something is like 10% of my dv id rather find something where a serving is 5% etc. idk how thats like#a hard concept like whats the point of adding something to be like oh sure ill have a third of a serving & get 50 extra calories out of it#be so fr rn im so beyond frustrated still even tho its been hours since i talked to her this is more stressful & annoying than the stress of#just trying to figure shit out on my own i fucking hate having to try & re explain nyaelf ivee & over & have someone just talk over me &#fail to understand what im getting at. im one more shitty session away from quitting & just resigining myself to 70% liquid diet#anyways#texticles
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has anyone noticed the world is getting so much smaller lately
#ive been actively suicidal for many months now and it keeps getting worse#im not safe anywhere im not either working at or paying to be and even then anyone can hurt me at any time and i just have to take it#i don't even want to go anywhere anymore#my cat just died he had some kind of disease or maybe cancer and he was throwing up so much he just gave up on eating#and i kept telling them he was losing a lot of weight but they ignored it until he was skin and bones and dehydrated and jaundiced#and it was too late#and i want to waste away too but im not even strong enough i just keep working like always#the world is just so small now#this isn't like. a suicide note or anything ill keep living for now#but i am fucking desperate#suicide m#animal death#idk what else#im sorry to whiny ventpost but idk what else to do
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Applying for 50 jobs within 12 months and not getting a single offer is almost an accomplishment woah I’m so talented x
#it’s killing me j wasted the last 3 months of my life working full time unpaid (internship)#and I was like. j need to suck up this bc it’ll get me a job#and I’ve applied to 25 jobs since starting this internship and I have not succeeded in getting a job#I just want to kms I’m ngl#my current org has offered me a full time job buy for a salary that’s literally minimum wage#so. that’s pretty fucking crap#I applied to 25 jobs in the last month while working full time . like I am so exhausted#I had an interview yesterday morning literally the morning of my grandmas funeral and just got emailed now that I haven’t gotten the job#yknow? I’m just heartbroken at this point#and I still have 1 week left working this internship and there’s literally no point#I was literally a middle level manager in this current job for no pay even worker across a weekend once#and it’s literally for nothing 🤣🤣🤣#I have a masters degree !! and 4 months of full time work experience and another several years worth of working part time#it’s not like I’m one of those grads who’s never worked a day in their life#and like i know no one can get a job these days. like barely any of my friends have anything#but money is beginning to become a little terrifying. so shelving the corporate applications and time to go back to being a barista again#not that I’m even guaranteed getting a job in that.#just spent a week living with a friend in Boston who IS employed straight out of undergrad for a rly cool nonprofit#literallt living my dream yknow what that rly challenged my ability to just be happy for my friends#I just don’t know how I keep on going like this tbh
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I fucking hate all the fomo in online gaming now, why the fuck can't i just play games at my own pace or go back and check something out later, like if i dont grind for this and do EVERYTHING RIGHT FUCKING NOW its GONE FOREVER, i dont need that shit. Its GAMEING?? It's supposed to be FUN!??
#i get its all to maximise some shit bla bla bla#its fucking lame though#maybe it works for someone but NOT ME BRO#talky#literally nothing#esp w shit like fortnite where i pay 10 bucks for a bonus pass just to end up not finishing it and therefore having WASTED half of my money#i dont even buy the battle pass anymore man#yes im still mad about not being able to get appa and momo in fortnite despite having paid for the fucking avatar season pass#JUST BECAUSE I HAD TO GO SOMEWHERE AWAY FROM MY PC FOR A MONTH#im sorry i had to LIVE fortnite cant i just get my stupid little characters later?#like im still gonna do the work id still grund your gay little quests but just LATER when i HAVE FUCKING TIME#it just means im bored 90% of the time by the passes and stuff and then something i do like is in i have to RUSH#and i gotta be glued to the fortnite news so i dont miss a drop#otherwise id be a day late to it and therefore have wasted my time#like yeah the bp gives you several months to do it but like why cant i just go back later#like if i could visit old passes or quests id be engaged with the game way longer bc id always have shit to do for stuff i actually want#whatever#like dude i PAID for those skins essentially and didnt get them bc i had life#still mad about it#probably forever mad about it
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back in septmeber i got some kind of attack in the middle of lab so they sent me to the ER because they didn't want to take chances with me dying from chemicals but still made me pay the hospital fees myself. then i still had to go back the next week to finish my lab. then bad news happened last week and my. lab report is so fucking late. all these penalties. it will be worth fucking nothing. what did i go to the ER for they should have just let me die there #tbh
#i assumed it was some panic attack not sure all i knew was my heart was beating fast even though my emotions were calm#and i was red like a lobster#oh yeah all that time and waiting to go to the ER doctor and showing him list of chemicals i worked with#and paying medical fees#just for them to go “bro i have no fucking clue what happened”#easilyy top 5 bruh moments this year#i really did not want to go to the ER like i thought seeing the schools general practitioner was enough#but the lab tech was so kind to accompany me everywhere#and she was the one who insisted i go to the ER even when i was like “ehhhh its probably fine”#and i am weak to older women what can i say#....my life was a series of unfortunate events unfolding into this utterly unsatisfying conclusion#should have had an anime arc like...No...I cant let her down...I cant let my trip to the hospitals go to waste...i will..finish this...!#but nah fate said “have a reason to spiral back into depression during hell week. and its something you cant even talk about.”#..i sound like im complaining but i just like talking about my life like comedy with plot points and foreshadowing etc#anyway i gotta write 2 reports tonight#then i can finally drink that vodka i bought last week#or maybe i should write my reports drunk..yeah!#unironically might be a good idea considering how much i overthink these things to the point of executive dysfunction
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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after a rlly bad fight this morning, mom and dad have both agreed to actually pay me for once for doing mom’s whole route for her (which I should’ve been being paid by mom this entire time once I started doing it most of the time) but I don’t expect much. I bet she’s gonna give me like $20 and be like ‘that’s more than enough and that’s all you’re getting period’ and dad, despite him being absolutely loaded with money, will probably only give me $20 too. tbh they BOTH owe me like $100+ a piece. him for babysitting his dog for 8 months and mom for doing her job for her.
#the bosses can’t afford to pay me and I completely understand#and I don’t actually work here so they don’t have to pay me#but they ocassionally give me $20-50 gift cards for general stuff#and they’ve already promised me one for helping mom last week#but I’m getting REALLY tired of doing all this work and further fucking up my foot/back#for free and not being acknowledged for my help#yes her foot’s bad but at this point I rlly think she’s abusing my willingness to help#I should be nice and refuse the money from mom and be like ‘oh u don’t have to do that it’s fine’#but no. I’m gonna get as much money as I can from her bc it’s only fair#for all the free time I’m sacrificing and for her being an overbearing abusive mother#who won’t even let me spend my own money on things I actually want#’oh but you’re not gonna actually use that’ and ‘dolls and plushies are wastes of money’#and she gets mad when I buy makeup but that’s literally something I need for my job (calling drag a job bc it technically is)#and I have to replace a bunch of stuff and upgrade to better quality stuff if I wanna look good and get booked#’well you didn’t earn it yourself so it’s not ACTUALLY your money. it’s mine and your dad’s#so we can control what you buy with it’ you do that yeah#but dad lets me use it on whatever the fuck I could possibly want#anyway fuck off and die in a ditch pls 💕
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being the only person you know who is struggling is so fucking humiliating.
we’re talking about getting me a job at a gas station. my friends all make $60K plus.
i have to work in a gas station.
#man so glad i almost died to finish my fucking degree#so glad i worked my ass off for five fucking years so i can watch everyone else succeed and i can be a 36 year old gas station employee#again#when all my friends were going off to college#i was working in a fucking gas station#my friends got to be people and i got to be a fucking gas station employee#my friends all get to be treated with respect at work#i get to work in retail#yep going into debt so deeply i’ll probably never be able to pay it off was worth it#all so i can do fucking minimum wage menial labor.#great.#fantastic.#love that for me.#didn’t make me radically suicidal the first time around nah#everyone else gets to succeed#while i only ever get to fail in the shittiest and most humiliating way possible#cool cool cool#i’m going to bite my fucking wrists open all over the first customer who talks to me#i would legitimately rather be dead than have to work in customer service#it’s so fucking degrading. no one thinks you’re a person. no one cares.#minimum wage 36 year old fuck up loser#that’s me#awesome great cool awesome#everyone else gets a normal happy life & i get nothing#because i don’t know#something is missing in me#i am woefully inadequate to the task#hey what’s a good job for stupid idiot fuck up morons who can’t do anything & wasted 5 years & 70 thousand fucking dollars#on a fucking sheet of paper#that doesn’t even list my fucking degree
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that's it. im writing a suicide note on linkedin
#bheart talks#suicide tw#this is a joke but indicative of how much im GOING THROUGH IT#been making an effort not to talk about personal stuff online anymore but FUCK dude#whats the point of meds and therapy if im still broke as shit#these meds wont help me pay the bills man fuck all of this i have to wait 2 weeks#to adjust the doses every time and something happens in thsoe two weeks#that sends me off the rails spiraling with a hundred new problems#i can only see my therapist for one hour once every two weeks and i just#cant say everything and honestly idk what im even supposed to be DOING there#she just says nice things to me and i waste time talking so much and then time runs out#and i walk away with basically nothjng#and i just realized they o ly prescribed me 30 pills of ritalin instead of 60#so now i have to ration these until i can get more#meanwhile i cant get hired anywhere and my job has cut my hours so bad i only got %7#i only got $70 for my paycheck#im not going to fucking make it this month#i have no car insurance no food in the house no gas in the car and no hours to work#i applied for unemployment but it's taking forever to figure out#im hemorrhaged#im doing bad im doing bad im doing bsd#literally bg3 is the only thread im hanging by this is literally the only thing keeping me together#unsure where id be without it. definitely somewhere worse thats for sure.
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