#word is really fantastically bitchy

[getfuckedblr]

your bindings are insane! dripping fingers and the secret language of plants series are my favourite fics of all time so seeing them in physical form made me lowkey emotional ngl

ahhhh thank u so much!!! it makes me emotional that it makes u emotional omg!!! but yes i think that’s exactly why this hobby is so rewarding it’s like this thing that i am so deeply connected to is in my hands bc i made it. i sewed her up and glued her together and tried to make her pretty and now she exists! physically exists! sorry that got weird but thank u for your comment!! it really means a lot:)

[stevebabey]

ok brain whipped up this concept & would NOT leave it alone today so here. have this. this is like ‘started making it. had a breakdown. bon appétit’ in a steddie post for me but alas <3 cw: talks of past sexual coercion

Eddie is mad at Steve.

Which, honestly, might be the worst thing in the entire damn world for all Steve cares. The whole world feels just a little bit off kilter when Eddie’s mad at Steve — because Eddie just loooves the silent treatment.

He’ll usually make a show of it. Pout and stick out his bottom lip, cross his arms, maybe even give a stamp on his big booted feet. Doesn’t say what’s wrong, just glares sulkily. It’s a bit childish, they both know, but Eddie likes to be doted and Steve loves to do the doting — and it hasn’t caused any proper fights yet.

This time, however, he can tell Eddie is more mad than usual, because this time he hadn’t thrown the usual fuss. Instead, he’d just gone quiet. All glowers and glares. Not even a pout, and certainly not a peep.  

And it’s just the worst because the version of Eddie that Steve knows best is a chatterbox. Can’t shut up, won’t shut up. Steve normally loves it.

And alright— maybe Steve deserved it for not picking him up after one of Eddie’s gigs. Especially because Eddie had specifically asked him too as well, considering his own van was in the shop.

But it’s not like Steve could control when his parents decided to waltz back into Hawkins!

They always seemed to run on their own timetable, or on what seemed like an entirely different orbit. Yet, they had no trouble roping Steve back into their routine, stuffing him back into a place, without any regard to his opinion on the matter. Which was exactly what they had done that evening.

But that didn’t really matter, Steve thinks with a sigh, because he knows it’s not really just because he didn’t pick Eddie up. It was because of what Steve said.

Gareth’s mom had swung by and while Eddie had gotten an eyeful of that suspicious look that followed him everywhere since the events of the Upside Down, Eddie had gotten home safely. Majorly annoyed but safe which was what mattered most.

He had then released his said-annoyance onto Steve.

But see, Steve was already tired from the prodding and lecturing of his parents. They’d been awfully disappointed to find he had yet to move on from his job at Family Video and worse, had badmouthed his choice of friends. Had brought up Tommy and the likes, asked pointedly why Steve hadn’t been seen with them in a few months.

Steve had bit his tongue to not spew out the fact he hadn’t been seen with Tommy for years and that was unlikely to change any time soon.

So, yeah, he was wound up. And Eddie was too. A bit too impatient, a bit too cut that he’d been on the receiving end of yet another scathing interaction because Steve had been so careless to forget to pick him up.

He’d said as much, jabbing a finger and dramatically reenacting the tense conversation he’d had to have with Gareth’s mother.

It had led to a spat, which led to an argument. Steve sat on the bed in Eddie’s trailer and toyed with a loose thread as Eddie pacing before him.

“You should’ve been there.”

“I know.” Steve ground out the words, eyes on the floor, feeling too much like he was still back home, still being lectured by his father about his good-for-nothing son. The thread was coming looser in his fingers with all his fiddling.

“You know? Is that all you’re gonna say?” Eddie asked, exasperated, but the moment Steve’s lip part to respond, Eddie had steamrolled on. Gareth’s awkward smile and his mother’s tight bunched up shoulders were still fresh in his memory.

“Great! That’s just fantastic, Steve. You knew and you still didn’t show up!”

Steve’s head shot up, brow furrowed. “That’s not what I meant.”

Like a kettle coming to boil, Steve could feel some bitchy comment lurch up his throat with his growing frustration. It was easy to think of things to say to hurt Eddie, to lash out, to make it so Eddie was the one with his head bowed, voice quiet.

Steve had learned that the hard part in these moments, is biting his tongue. Swallowing back mean comments. He doesn’t want to be vicious. Loathes the idea of falling back on snarky comments to win a fight, least of all with his boyfriend.

But... old habits die hard.

So, when Eddie had got all up in his face, firing himself up, and said, “Oh, pray tell then Steve what was so important that made you fucking forget your boyfriend.”

Steve had snapped.

“Fuck, do you ever stop? You are so much sometimes!”

The words had flown out in a harsh sneer and they hit their mark exactly as intended.

Because Steve knew all about that strange bubble of fear that lives inside Eddie— the part that didn’t care at all what strangers thought of him, but cared so much about those he came to trust. The part that worried that being big and brash all the time would be too much for people. That the reason they originally liked Eddie, would become the same reason they’d eventually dislike him for.

Steve had once told him he couldn’t ever get enough of him— let alone too much. It’s why he’d known where to strike.

Eddie’s expression has flinched, his eyes going from simmering to hurt in a few seconds flat. His fists unclenched at his side and Steve had felt the regret curdling up in his gut, a terrible sour feeling that had him shooting to his feet in an instant.

“Eddie, wait, I—”

“Leave.” Eddie said, voice dangerously low. There wasn’t room to push it. Nothing left to argue.

But still, Steve had wavered, swaying as a tidal wave of shame burned hot up his neck. He wanted to fix it. He needed to fix this.

But Eddie couldn’t look at him, eyes fixed on the ground and despite how much it had pained Steve to go, he knew he couldn’t fix it, not then and there. The door had hit him on the way out.

That had been two whole days ago. The guilt of it makes it feel like it was hours ago, still fresh as ever.

Steve had been diligent in giving Eddie his space to cool off.

The call Steve made the morning after never got picked up, just rang endlessly until the voicemail kicked in. Even though Eddie was always home Wednesdays. It told Steve well enough that Eddie was still well and truly mad.

Which was fair enough. Steve had been an asshole. Let himself fall back on old habits and stab a weak spot he only knew because Eddie trusted him, then twisted the knife as well.

But it’s like he said — silent treatment from the guy who usually can’t keep quiet is discerning to say the least. It itches uncomfortably at Steve who finds himself unusually eager to apologise.

Because, damn, if Steve doesn’t hate apologising.

Apologising means pulling out the stops, means admitting shamefully everything you’d done wrong, means having to prove how sorry you were.

It had been like that living under his father. When he was seven, Tommy had accidentally pitched a baseball through one of the windows. It had smashed right through, completely shattered. Steve had taken the fall.

He’d said sorry, head bowed, even though it had been an accident. And after he’d made Steve repeat his apology til it was a rigid phrase in his mouth, Richard Harrington had said; ‘Well, why don’t you prove how sorry you are, Steven?’

He’d ended up being his father’s personal beer boy for that week. Fetching them ice-cold from the garage at his father’s every call, from the moment he was home from school, to prove the apology was legitimate.

It had worked— after a week of doting, extra effort into keeping his room clean and to keep his father happy, Richard had permitted his son a rare smile and ruffle of his hair. ‘See? I know you were sorry now.’

Steve had learnt quickly in his childhood to go to lengths to avoid trouble with his father. To avoid the tumultuous apologies he’d have to perform, jumping through hoop after hoop for forgiveness.

But even then, Steve couldn’t escape them with friends, and especially not with girlfriends.

Tilly had been like that too. She’d been Steve’s freshman girlfriend, eyeshadow baby blue and lips always glossy. When Steve did things she didn’t like —spent Saturdays with his other friends, was late to dates— she’d pout her glittery lips and bat her eyes. ‘Aren’t you gonna make it up to me?’

Steve had — had pulled out the stops, emptied his pocket change to buy her flowers, went to second base because she really wanted him to, all to prove his apology. Until Tilly was back to her sugary smiles and fluttering hazel eyes.

It had even been like that with Nancy, though not quite to that extent. Forking out his savings to buy the nicest bouquet he could find, prepared to make it up to her, even if he wasn’t quite sure if it was him who was supposed to be apologising. But she’d gone silent treatment on him, so…

So, Steve hates apologising— but even more than that, is how much he hates Eddie’s quiet. So, when his boyfriend calls the Family Video on Friday midday, when he knows Steve’s soloing, and invites him over, Steve prepares himself for the grovelling to come.

The mixtape he’d already made sits in the gearbox of his car, carried around with him since he finished it. Upon hanging up the phone, Steve’s eyes catch on the florist across the street. His mind spins with all his knowledge of Eddie’s favourites — should he get those sour candies Eddie loved so much as well?Would it be too much?

Steve scoffs at the irony of his worries, considering what he was apologising for. Besides, it was never too much. There were never enough things to show he was sorry.

And Eddie couldn’t exactly be bought — not that was what this was. But Steve knew his boyfriend preferred all things in the manner of touch. That Steve’s affection was a far higher currency than anything bought with money.

That’s fine. Steve can do that.

He’s got a whole speech planned, honest. The smudged bullet points scrawled on his palm are testament to that, there to keep him on track and Steve checks them over religiously as he drives over after his shift.

It all goes out the window when Eddie opens the door, because Steve’s heart hiccups, splutters, soars forward in his chest.

Eddie looks just the same, his usual ripped jeans and dark shirt with a band Steve doesn’t know and yet— yet.

Steve is overcome by how much he missed Eddie.

Overcome at how those two days felt like two weeks to him. His mouth opens and the words burst out, “I��m sorry.”

part two.

[xoxoemynn]

Fan Fic Friday!

I'm finally getting in the headspace to be able to read and enjoy fic and oh boy have I been enjoying it! Sharing a few that I've enjoyed reading this past week. For simplicity's sake I'm focusing just on completed works.

People Are Just People (Like You) by @trans-top-stede and @nonplayer-character (plus art!!) Holy shit. Holy shit. This story is stunning. This 24K fic (that also includes some wonderful art) shows Ed struggling to re-enter the world after the COVID lockdowns, all while drawing solace listening to a radio show for aliens. (Hmmm, wonder who could be hosting that?) There is pure, raw emotion baked into each and every word. The loneliness, the feeling of knowing it SHOULD be so easy to just do what you once did so easily but now it's HARD, the desperation, the hope, all while Ed just keeps trying. By the end I was weeping and just feeling in awe of all the little ways humans are simply there for each other, time and time again. I found this work deeply relatable, and I'm sure many others on here will as well. It's an absolute masterpiece and I can't stop thinking about it.

Red Skies at Night by @soupbtch Oh, this is a FUN one, even if I was literally screaming at my laptop for chapter upon chapter because OH MY GOD I KNOW I SAID I LOVE A SLOW BURN BUT WHY MUST THEY BURN SO SLOWLY WHY CAN'T THEY JUST KISS?!?!?! Anyway. Stede's a perfectly bitchy cruise critic, Ed's performing on said cruise ship, sparks fly. This 64K fic is the perfect blend of humor and tension and heartache and of course, a lot of romance. And some great sex. Danny did such a great job using beats from both S1 and S2 to tell a really beautiful story that had me grinning ear to ear nearly the entire time. (Again, nearly, because I also did a lot of screaming.) Absolutely fantastic.

True to Life by @ipomoea-batatas This summary ("Ed and Stede accidentally open an inn for ghosts") had me sold immediately. It's fluffy domestic fic. And a ghost. But not like a ghost that's going to be terrifying and murder you in your sleep, so don't worry if that's not your jam. Just a ghost with a backstory. This fic 28K is SO much fun, filled with impeccable banter that feels like Taika and Rhys just got set loose and were allowed to do whatever they wanted. A bit of a mystery, a bit of cozy domesticity, a lot of fun. Highly recommend.

Flotsam and Jetsam by @/anathxmadevice Looking for a quick read? This one's a little over 5K and is so absurdly lovely. Don't be fooled by the short word count; there are some Big Feels in this fic. Stede's a beachcomber, and Ed runs a pub, and naturally Ed is immediately charmed by Stede's excitement at finding some funky shells. I don't want to give away the ending, but suffice to say it basically left me the human embodiment of this emoji: 🥹. Just a beautiful little bite-sized fic. And there's also a podfic!

Pete & Prejudice by @shieldmaidenofmithrilhall Okay, here's something a little different! All of the above are Ed x Stede, but here's an absolutely charming 14K story about Lucius and Pete! (Although there are some truly adorable Ed x Stede moments in it as well.) Pete and Lucius are dating and everything is amazing, except once a year Pete disappears for "a thing," and now Lucius is determined to find out what it is. I can't say much more without spoiling it, but I will say I started smiling in the very first paragraph and by the time I was done my grin had basically reached my eyebrows. Absolutely perfect characterization, so sweet, so romantic, and some moments that literally made me laugh out loud. Be prepared to fall even more deeply in love with Pete.

[highfiveheroes]

4 and 20 (haha nice) for the rat grinders!

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter? (rat grinders for both)

OOOH an excellent set of questions.

kipperlilly i’d throw into some kind of nancy drew-esque mystery video game on desktop, but it’d definitely take like a slenderman/amanda the adventurer twist where as the game progressed if you weren’t solving it fast enough she’d try to come out of the game and murder you in the woods. as far as friends, i do feel like she and oisin have a kind of camaraderie, but i LOVE the idea of her and ivy being on good terms and bitching about everyone all the time.

ruben belongs in one of those visual novel apps like episode where fantastical things happen and, as the love interest, he’s always right, always perfect, and never looked down on because he’s everyone’s favorite. i just think he’d thrive in an environment where it’s all love all the time and consequences aren’t real. i think he’d be a horrible influence on buddy but once buddy removes said stick from his ass i like to think they’d make each other worst (in the best way possible) but also ruben and fig as musical bffs who write songs together and have twitter beef that nobody can tell is a joke would also be fucking incredible.

oisin i think would be great in something like psych as the straight character, giving like carlton lassiter vibes. surrounded by chaos and always getting shown up, but he is genuinely good at his job when he lets them be. controversial opinion i think he’s only really good at being friends with ivy, i have a hard time seeing him bond with anyone else except maybe ? mary ann, and even then

speaking of mary ann. i would love to see her in the same episode stories as ruben as his voice of reason that gets ignored all the fucking time and she doesn’t give a shit so she gives up. for some reason i think she and buddy would also get along really well, mostly because she doesn’t care enough to tell him to shut up and he doesn’t care enough to ask her about herself. if not him then ivy as well, for similar reasons, except sometimes mary ann makes one bitchy comment after hours of ivy ranting and it’s so hysterical and well placed that ivy just loses it

ivy!!! put her as a judge on like project runway or master chef so she can be critical as hell and get very little slack for it because she’s just nice enough that everything is "constructive" criticism. she and oisin are made to be best friends of course but she could realistically slot in with anyone (the nature of being fake as fuck <3) so default to oisin, but if she’s having lunch with anyone else, it’s allowed

and buddy!!! buddy would ABSOLUTELY be cast on the fucking wiggles or something. or live action veggie tales. i think he’s really good with kids probably, nature of being family with the head of the church and needing to step up sometimes, so if he can spread the good word and teach the kids how to be polite and proper (and nonfunctional shh) he’d thrive. and as before, having him hang out with mary ann (out of pity on his part, nonchalance on hers) is a great combo but also he and ruben could make each other so much worse. if anyone sees ruben release a screamo hymnal, blame buddy

[dragonfly0808]

The Heathers Soundtrack Essay: You Only Have Yourselves to Blame for This

(I may not be wording this as well as I’d like cause I’m sick as fuck and I’m not sure I’m thinking very clearly but I’ll try to be cohesive)

Beautiful

So, Beautiful is such a good start to our story. It’s an 8 minute track but not a second of it feels unnecessary or boring. This is a perfect track not just to set the scene and the mood of Veronica’s high school and the people there, but it also does a great job at introducing almost every single important character in this musical.

For Veronica I personally get the vibe of someone who used to be, and may still want to be positive but has just been worn down by the cruelty of not ‘fitting in’ and being deemed an outcast. (As someone who was bullied for years for the stupidest reasons ever -being short and reading- I really feel every lyric from Veronica.) Veronica in this song tells us, we used to be so beautiful as children when we were innocent and we didn’t buy into steroetypes and stupid societal hierarchies, why can’t we go back to that? I am pissed that we can’t go back to that. I want to burn this place down because of all the pain I’ve been given for no real reason. At the end of the song, she seems to regain some of her hope and positivity at the chance of being one of the Heathers.

Martha feels like she’s trying to cling to her positivity. Like someone who indulges in the fantastical for some good old’ escapism (‘I’m a sucker for a happy ending’) she just gives me barely-holding-on vibes from what few lines she has here.

Kurt and Ram, I’ll only say, they’re asses and they sell it.

The moment when they’re all singing and lines overlap with each other is beautiful. Like, everyone is struggling in different ways, even if not everyone shows it.

Then… the Heathers. They’re moment in the bathroom perfectly sets each one of them up. Heather McNamara as the ‘softest’ of the Heathers and the most insecure as well as maybe a tiny bit ditzy. Her intro sets her up perfectly but also, later on we’ll see just how many layers she has.

Heather Duke, she cares ever so slightly about McNamara but is a bitch to Veronica, snapping at her for no real reason.

And of course… Heather Chandler, the icon. She’s just bitchy but in an almost classy way that I can’t really describe and I love her.

Also, quick note on the bathroom scene: I find it interesting the way the teacher, Miss Flemming speaks in this scene. Like, she’s almost giddy to have an excuse to put the Heathers in detention and very clearly doesn’t give a single flying shit about McNamara throwing up and in fact makes it a joke ‘Perhaps you didn’t hear the bell over all the vomiting-‘. That to me could be a nod to those teachers who just make high school/school in general worse than it has to be. Teachers that target specific students or that try and make themselves feel superior in weird ways. You know which ones I’m talking about.

Right now, I have a specific teacher that loves to embarrass students and it’s really fucking draining.

But yeah, Beautiful to me may be my favorite intro track to a Musical. It just works so well, I love it!

200/100

Candy Store

Do I have to say anything about this song? Come on, we all love it. It embodies the Heathers, especially Chandler perfectly. Heather Chandler is a grade A bitch. She’s unapologetic and she doesn’t really seem to have a conciense and if it is it is tied to a chair and gagged. Like, I think Heather Chandler would either never really see the error of her way (more accurately, she does know it’s wrong but she just never cares) or she gets to a point in which she realizes that she’s a bad person and tries to change for the better. But that obviously will never happen for her character so she’s stuck in this place in time/in her life when she truly did not give a single flying shit about anything or anyone. And that’s what truly allows her to shine.

Heather Chandler isn’t supposed to be a tragic character, that’s what Candy Store represents to me, she’s horrible and doesn’t care about even her closest friends. But she’s forced into being a tragic character with a sob story by Veronica and JD later in the story. And it’s this fake narrative that changes how everyone looks at her.

In the song we also see a bit of the dynamic between the Heathers. Like how Duke seems to want the spotlight but is literally shoved back by Chandler. How McNamara mostly goes along with everything but also her line ‘if she had your shot, she would leave you to rot’ gives me teeny tiny projection vibes from her.

250/100

Fight For Me

I love this song. It’s so… it’s almost corny and cheesy but in the best way possible.

I don’t have much to say other than listening to this with headphones truly just transports you to another world, you really get into it and it’s awesome.

(Though I will never forget that time it came up on shuffle during a car ride and my mom just kinda stared at me cause, the beginning is literally just ‘Holy shit’ x 20)

95/100

Freeze Your Brain

I love JD so much… his songs may be my fave…

Freeze Your Brain is just so amazing, it gives you a lot of insight not just into his character but also his mindset at the moment.

He’s just kinda given up in a way, why bother with making bonds with other people if he’s going to have to leave eventually?

He’s almost drifting through life, untethered to anything or anyone with no real purpose. At this point, he’s still a frozen lake.

He doesn’t see the point but he still doesn’t want to straight up die. So he does the best that he can to not feel the emptiness and pain inside this. ‘Happiness comes when everything numbs, who needs cocaine?’

And of course, the best line (and my fave) in the song:

‘And when the voice in your head says you’re better off dead, don’t open a vein! Freeze your brain.’ This is also the only moment in which we see his shield crack a bit, his voice changes, and we hear a tiny bit of the pain within him when he hits the high note.

200/100

Big Fun

Kurt and Ram are assholes, Veronica is way in over her head, Martha is too pure for this world, Duke is berated by Chandler and Heather Chandler is a menace to society.

What’s new?

Also, ‘There’s no alcohol in this, are you trying to poison me?’ Made me laugh way more than it should have.

And, ‘Showing up here took some guts, time to rip them out’ … Heather?! What the fuck?! She’s an absolute menace and I love it. STEP ON ME!

Just a fun song to reinforce what we already know about the characters and to exaggerate the high school experience.

90/100

Dead Girl Walking

…she’s an icon. We know her, we love her. She’s a legend.

A bop to lose one’s viriginity to (I’m Ace DO NOT take that seriously)

But in all seriousness I love this song. Veronica is just spiraling and truly decides ‘fuck it’ and goes to JD’s house.

‘So the world’s unfair keep it locked out there. In here it’s beautiful. Let’s make this beautiful’. These are two outsiders, two ‘others’ finding comfort in each other.

I think this: ‘I know it’s cause you’re beautiful, you say you’re numb inside but I can’t agree.’ Is when JD truly falls for Veronica, I think he was always attracted to her but I think this was his …oh moment.

Aside from deepening their relationship and being (in my opinion) the moment they both truly fall in love it’s just loads of fun and a bop.

250/100

The Me Inside of Me

This is when the chaos truly begins.

Veronica and JD accidentally kill Heather Chandler and now they want to make it seem like a suicide. So Veronica fakes a suicide letter.

I… love this song. Honestly more because of the… almost critisism of society than the actual song ajajjajaa

So, as I said earlier Heather Chandler isn’t really presented as a tragic or misunderstood character. But that’s exactly what she becomes when Veronica literally manipulates her narrative in the suicide note.

Now, Heather Chandler is suddenly this misunderstood girl that no one truly saw. She’s more of a concept for people to project their own pain and fears on to.

The teachers that thought she was the devil all of a sudden are saying ‘Oh, we just misjudged her. This is the loveliest suicide note I’ve ever read’.

She almost becomes a spectacle (which Heather herself seems to love ‘I’m bigger than John Lennon!’). All of a sudden everyone cares when before, everyone hated her.

Then there’s the line ‘Heather would be so proud of you!’ Which just makes me feel icky in the best way possible cause like… how the fuck would you know that? You are the one who said Heather was misjudged and never thought much of her but one read of the suicide note and you know her mindset?

Idk if I’m explaining myself all that well but let’s just say that I love how almost ironic this is and how everyone seems to see Heather as a martyr and someone to project their own feelings on to. Especially since we only really get the reactions of outsiders, not the Heathers or her parents who actually knew her and were (supposedly) close to her.

They only see her as someone who just maybe may have needed help after her death.

I just love it

200/100

Blue

This will be short. I’ll just say that this song had no right to be that fucking hilarious. You could take almost any lyric of this song out of context and it’d still be either hilarious or absolutely stump you.

Like, first time listening you’re just like… what the actual fuck is happening? Third time you’re screaming along cause you just can’t not do it.

100/100

Our Love is God

Welp, this is the start of JD’s unhinged arc…

First off we just have gorgeous, gorgeous vocals and I just die at the final high note every single time ugh!

Now. First part of the song (pre Kurt and Ram showing up) is beautiful.

It shows what we already know to be true. That deep down both Veronica and JD are incredibly vulnerable kids who just want someone to lean on. Someone to say ‘You’re not alone’, someone to understand not just the pain, but the rage that can come from years of being picked on, of being alone.

‘Are you okay?’ ‘I was alone. I was a frozen lake, but then you melted me awake see now I’m crying to.’ SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

We also get a tiny peek, a hint at what will happen later in the song from the very start ‘They made you cry. But that will end tonight. You are the only thing that’s right about this broken world. Go on and cry. But when the morning comes, we’ll burn it down and then we’ll build the world again.’ We already know that JD is depressive and maybe even suicidal. We know that he’s kinda given up on life and is just drifting through. Then he meets Veronica, who dissolves the numbness.

Of course she’s gonna be important to him and he’s going to be pissed when she’s hurt… but we don’t realize just how far JD is willing to go until later on.

Then… Kurt and Ram show up at the cemetery and what Veronica believes to be a prank… ends up being real.

She watches JD kill both of them and slowly realizes that, ‘I worship you’ ‘We’re what killed the dinosaurs, we’re the asteroid that’s overdue’ ‘they died because God said they must, the new world needed room for me and you’. Meant something a little different to JD than what it meant to her.

I think the last part of the song can be summed up by ‘And it was at this moment she knew, she fucked up.’

350/100

My Dead Gay Son

Another song more on the comedy side, I love it. Now, while Kurt and Ram also become a spectacle, this one is least about them than it is about why they supposedly died.

Are there a lot of stereotypes in this song? Yes, but it’s set in the 80’s and also it’s comedic so I pass it.

But there are also a few genuien moments that… not gonna lie get me sometimes. I really love the way that the dad’s are truly like, you know what? I don’t care that my son was gay, he should’ve been able to have a good life and that’s what I want the world to know.

Also, ‘Go forth and love each other now like our boys would’ve done’… ouch.

200/100

Seventeen

…I am just… *screams*

While my fave track changes every 5 seconds, Seventeen is probably my most listened to track. It’s just so beautiful.

From the very first lines of ‘Fine, we’re damaged. Really damaged. But that does not make us wise.’ I knew this song was gonna wreck me. And man did it wreck me.

This is just, Veronica imploring JD to not go down this dark path anymore.

This song is, I don’t want glory or a legendary life, I just want a normal life. I just want to be able to take a walk around the park and eat ice cream with you. Why can’t we have that?

I love the concept of Veronica being like, I thought my pain and trauma made me want to strike a match and set this dumb ablaze but now I realize that I just want a normal, soft life. With JD.

Also, the fact that JD doesn’t sing until the, ‘People hurt us.’ ‘Or they vanish.’ Hurts me in ways that I can’t quite explain.

And JD is really willing to try, he wants Veronica. A part of him wants revenge and pain but a part of him also wants that soft life. To be seventeen with her.

‘If you could let me in, I could be good with you’. I feel like that line sums up Veronica and JD so well and it hurts. If you could just let down your walls, show me who you are and I know that we could be so good together, that we could help each other so much. Ugh.

And then… the outro.

‘Yeah we’re damaged.’ ‘Badly damaged.’ But your love’s too good to lose. ‘Hold me tighter.’ ‘Even closer.’ ‘I’ll stay if I’m what you choose, cause you’re the one I choose’.

…Murder me right now that would hurt less.

This song is just too much!!!

400/100

Shine a Light

I think this one is a really fun song with an actual pretty good message. You know, ‘Why not shine a light on your biggest fears? If we show the ugly parts that we hide away, they turn out to be beautiful by the light of day! Shine and your scars and your flaws will look lovely because you shine, you shine a light!’

I have so much fun every single time this song plays, it’s just really upbeat and I love it.

Also, Idk why I always picture Veronica and JD just trading glances and smiles during this song and it makes me want to cry.

Also also, Pauline’s part slayed.

120/100

Lifeboat

…so… this is when Heather McNamara’s mask fully breaks and we see just how vulnerable and scared she is.

Every line of this song is just… wow. (Fun fact: My theater group back in high school was going to put on a Heathers musical despite none of us being able to sing and I was going to audition for Heather McNamara cause I really wanted to do this song but then… fucking pandemic ruined everything)

This song to me is one of the ultimate break-down-moment-song. You can truly feel Heather’s pain and panic and fear. She’s trapped in this role, has to play it to perfection or she knows that she’ll be replaced or left behind in an instant. She knows that Chandler never cared about her and would’ve had no problem kicking her to the curb. She knows that she can’t let people in without being torn down.

‘Everyone’s pushing, everyone’s fighting. Storms are approaching, there’s nowhere to hide. If I say the wrong thing, or I wear the wrong outfit, they’ll throw me right over the side!��� …I couldn’t even process this the first time I heard it.

I just love this song. In less than 2 minutes we get so much context and depth for Heather McNamara. I feel like McNamara at least to me is the most tragic character in this musical before Veronica joins the Heathers.

350/100 Will make you cry

Shine a Light (Reprise)

This song is… panic. That’s all I really have to say. This song is panic.

100/100

Kindergarten Boyfriend

This is definetely my least listened to song but I listened to it the other day and I wanted to slap myself cause like, why don’t I listen to this more often?

Along with McNamara, Martha is the other tragic character even before the story begins. (Though of course JD is THE tragic character of Heathers).

Martha is lonely and probably depressed, just really good at hiding it. Her best friend stabs her in the back to join the popular kids and she learns that her crush never liked her and was gay (or at least she believes that).

She looks back at the days before the kids learned about the ‘ideal man/woman’ before they started to care about that shit, when they were just kids. ‘Then he woke up.’ NO SWEETIE.

‘Now we’re all grown up and we know better… Certain boys are just for kindergarten. Certain girls are meant to be alone.’ Fuck me.

But yeah… this song in underrated and deserves more cause fuck is it sad.

200/100

Yo Girl

This one is just so much fun. And we get to see Chandler shine again.

‘Martha Dumptruck took a belly flop off the Old Mill Bridge last night holding a suicide note.’ Veronica horrified: ‘Oh my god is she dead?’ Mythic bitch Heather: ‘Just some broken bones! Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably’

I love Heather so much.

And Veronica sees just how much this whole situation has snowballed. She feels so bad and regrets so much.

‘You’ve earned that red scrunchie, come join Heather in hell’ have me chills.

And of course, this sets us up for another JD song…

90/100

Meant to be Yours

I think you already know what I’m going to say about this one… VERONICA open the- open the door please-

I’m getting ahead of myself…

This is when we truly get to see JD become just absolutely unhinged. He goes a little crazy… and it’s amazing, I love it.

JD has slowly descended into madness. I think he loved having control for once in his life. Having the power to control the narrative of other people’s life for, what he thinks to be for the better.

He truly believes that killing everyone in the high school will make things better. And he wants Veronica by his side to do it ‘Bring marshmallows we’ll make s’more, we can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!’

Because their love is god. Their love can change the world. And maybe it could have in another life if they’d taken very different paths. If he’d become the lawyer he teased Veronica she’d marry someday.

But that’s not what happened.

Instead JD wants to take out all the pain he’s felt and tried to keep numb for so long. And he’s going to take it out on the people that hurt Veronica and made her feel excluded for so long.

He thinks he found the cure for the both of them, what will make them both better. And he’s desperate to have her by his side once more, ‘They made you blind messed up your mind but I can set you free’ ‘Finish what we begun’ ‘I am all that you need’.

And the best… ‘You carved open my heart! Can’t just leave me to bleed- VERONICA! Open the, open the door’ … ‘Veronica, sure, you’re scared I’ve been there I can set you free! Veronica don’t make me come in there. I’m gonna count to three! One, two- Fuck it!’

And then… he thinks Veronica, the only person he can trust, the only thing that’s right about this broken world, the person that he needs to go through with his plan… is dead. And it fully shatters him.

He needed her for the plan, but now that she’s gone, he’ll still pull through.

500/100

Dead Girl Walking (Reprise)

Veronica knows that she may be in a way responsible for JD becoming unhinged. But she’s going to make things right.

But, even as she faces him down and tells him to stop… she still loves him. She doesn’t know how this night will end. But she knows that she doesn’t want a tragic ending. She wants a soft story… but that’s not what she gets…

‘I wish your mom had been a little stronger. I wish she stayed around a little longer. I wish your dad were good, I wish grownups understood. I wish we met before they convinced you life is war. I wish you’d come with me!’

But JD has made his choice, ‘I wish I had more TNT.’

And to me ‘I wish we’d met before they convinced you life is war’ is the most painful line in this song… maybe in my top 5 lines of the entire musical. To me this line is kind of like, Our what if will always haunt me.

Because truly, what would have happened then? Would they have gotten their soft epilogue? We’ll never know.

300/100

I Am Damaged

Veronica said she chose JD in Seventeen. Here… JD choses Veronica. To make sure that she is safe.

He realizes that his ideas were wrong. That they’re both damaged… that’s he’s far too damaged. But he can see that Veronica isn’t. That she could still have a soft life… a happy ending. Even if he isn’t a part of it.

So he tells her to step back, to let him try and correct at least a little of what he did.

‘Hope you miss me, wish you’d kiss me’ … ‘And once I disappear, clean up the mess down here!’

And while he sings we hear Veronica pleading in the background, ‘Not this way.’ She doesn’t want to lose him. Even after everything.

250/100

Seventeen (Reprise)

Veronica is done. She has watched enough pain and suffering at the hands of stupid ideologies. She puts her foot down. Listen to me, we are done. We’ll lay our weapons down. Because at the end of the day all of us are scared and freaks in one way or the other.

And what’s important is they stick together with the people that matter.

When Martha asks her ‘Are there any happy endings?’

Veronica doesn’t know. But she does know that right now, she just wants to be Martha’s friend. To make up for everything. She just wants to be seventeen. She wants to be a teenager.

Maybe that will be enough for now.

And then… ‘If no one loves me now, someday somebody will’ because ouch. Because it’s true. Sometimes we’re alone. But sometimes isn’t forever.

(Has nothing to do with anything but I headcannon that McNamara joins Martha and Veronica and they form their own little trio cause that line ^ is all them)

Because at the end of the day, they’re teenagers. They still have time to find love. To love and to be loved. ‘Still time to make things right. One day, we’ll change the world, but let’s kick back tonight!’

‘Act like we’re all still kids, cause this could be our final chance!’

Seventeen (Reprise) is about… we still have time. So let’s make the most of it. Let’s let go, have fun. Let’s change for the better.

Let’s make things beautiful once more.

500/100

Ooooooffff hope you liked that cause this was a lot… but it was a lot of fun!

[payattentiontothescreen]

Bridgerton Rewatch S1E2 - Shock and Delight (Part 1)

Hey y'all. I'm back with episode 2 of my Bridgerton rewatch.

Every time a birth scene happens in Bridgerton I am reminded of why I don’t want kids. This one is the worst, I think.

I know Sarah and Lady Danbury are said to be close friends and Lady Danbury is the Queen’s closest confidant, which explains why she was there for those births. I get that. But I have this stupid little headcanon that Lady Danbury was present for the birth of every kid on “their side” after they were given titles and peerage.

Sarah’s last words being “I finally gave him a son” fucking haunts me. It hammers home that, even in her dying breath, she has been living and breathing for her shitty husband. Like, the second she fulfilled her duty, she was wiped from the Earth.

Rege-Jean Page is such an amazing comedic actor. The disdain in his voice when he says “promenade” has me cracking up every time.

Violet is beaming about how she has prepared Daphne for everything married life has to offer. Violet, my girl, you haven’t prepared Daphne for ANYTHING.

More acting praise. Phoebe Deynover and Rege-Jean Page have such easy chemistry. They flow together so well.

If there’s anything this show gets right, it’s shitty siblings. Philippa and Prudence are the archetypical bitchy older sisters.

The Baroness Lady Portia Featherington looked her daughters straight in the eyes and told them that pregnancy is contagious. Hilarious, iconic, I love it.

The whole “birds and bees” plot line in the first season intrigues me. I didn’t know a lot about the show when I watched it the first time other than it being steamy and taking place in an alternate regency era where racism is solved. I wasn’t expecting this close examination of the importance of comprehensive sex education, especially in regard to hard conversations between mothers and daughters.

The scene in the parlor when Eloise comes in and asks how women get pregnant lives rent-free in my brain. I can quote along with it at this point and I feel no shame.

Anthony Slander is back. The way that Anthony treats Daphne is so indicative of how he almost ruins his relationships in the next season. This happens a lot but I am specifically referencing when Daphne (with the signature Bridgerton Sass™) reminds Anthony that Berbrooke never actually proposed to her. Anthony immediately equates that playful jab with disrespect. To him, this ADULT(ish) woman having thoughts about who she is being promised to is disrespectful. He drives me nuts in this season, holy shit.

Quick sidebar, the look on Daphne’s face when Anthony says “Colin’s [danced a couple of times together at a ball] with Penelope Featherington” is so great. It’s almost like she’s putting the pieces together of “oh, they’d actually be really cute together” and I love it.

I love the texture the bare-knuckle boxing scenes give to the show. It doesn’t feel out of place. It all belongs in the show. The scenes with Will/in the ring add depth both to the world and the characters. 

Speaking of Will, I don’t know how much he was in the books, if at all, but he is such a good character. His position in society adds layers to the world, especially with the way his story has been developing.

Something that Shonda Rhimes does really well is quick wit. That is on full display when Anthony gets into the ring with Simon. The dialogue in that scene is so punchy (no pun intended) and shows a lot about how these two characters feel about each other. Also, I think it’s very interesting that the only way Anthony can land a blow on Simon at all is when he distracts him. From what I can tell/remember, that’s the only time Anthony hits Simon.

Minor thing, there was a lot more swearing in season 1 than there was in season 2. That was kind of disappointing.

I’d like to take this time to shout out the casting director. Beyond the main cast (which is fantastic, don’t get me wrong), the kids who play the younger versions of Simon are incredible. They’re all so adorable that it makes all the shit he goes through even harder to watch, which is impressive given we’re watching a child with a neurological disorder be abused by his shitty father.

Penelope is such a complicated character and I love that for her. She does care for the people she loves and is very kind. But she has been abused and neglected for so long that the only way she can think to regain any power is by becoming Lady Whistledown. This isn’t excusing her behavior, she does truly vile things with the power she has. But it makes her so much more than just another sweet wallflower, which is a really flat character on its own.

It would be so funny if the Bridgertons just stopped being surprised when Queen Charlotte invites Violet for tea at some point later in the series.

Again, this will come in 2 parts because I talk to much for Tumblr.

[thegeminisage]

got a little internet who knows if/when it will go away so i am doing a star trek update because i am BEHIND! sunday we watched voy's "revulsion" and "the raven" and last night we watched voy's "scientific method" and ds9's "you are cordially invited."

revulsion (voy):

wasn't too sure about this one at first but in the end i decided the little freak in this episode is the fun kind of freak. hands down my favorite part was when he went on this long horrible rant about how disgusting biologics are and the emh goes with like this forced brightness "and this is the sensor array!" absolutely captures the horrors of listening to your m*ga relatives go on and on and just having to like...deal with it. also, it was incredibly fucking funny

harry and seven were SO cute but i wish he hadn't tried to woo her and i wish she hadn't done that "take off your clothes" thing. that said chakotay being like "suck it up you're gonna keep working with her"was also extremely funny

i do feel like this episode did a lot to humanize seven though, for lack of a better word...i know that chakotay's episodes at the start of voyager were way more racist than the episodes he gets now (not to say the eps he gets now AREN'T racist, but they also aren't playing the racist panflute while he helps janeway find her spirit guide). so it's my hope that eventually the incidents of sexism re: seven will sort of...die down. if they can ever get over her (sigh) catsuit. at least in picard they let her wear real clothes! and don't pad her bra

the raven (voy):

TEN OUTTA TENNNN

first of all, my new best friend seven (i knew this would happen, remember?) is EXTREMELY funny. i didn't realize it but the actress has a great sense of like, comedic timing. the whole bit with her slowly learning to chew and swallow food (neelix's cooking, no less) was fucking hilarious, the longer it went on the funnier it was

secondly my other best friend tuvok.............he and seven make such a great pair. i like that at no point did tuvok tell her she was being illogical. he stayed totally calm and helped calm her down and offered to support her through the whole thing without being a bitch because he knows she was sick, even if it was a mental issue and not a physical one. like, bitchy tuvok is fantastic, obviously, but i love that sometimes the logical thing to do is simply show compassion

AND i really loved the entire plot about this being the ship she was taken from...no fucking idea how they got out that far in her 6yo human lifetime but it was awesome to watch her put it together and then the final shot of her looking back as the ship crumbled...mwah

also shoutout to the gay people in this episode...i love when janeway reminds me of kirk and she reminded me of kirk a little bit in this one because of how like. she was so invested in helping seven learn art and finding her when she went missing and like. the bright way she said "there you are!" when she found her on the holodeck at the end. it's that same kind of over-investment kirk shows in spock in tos that goes beyond "friendly" or "coworkers." it was gay as hell

scientific method (voy):

ANOTHER WIN FOR VOYAGER? dare i say it...3 watchable voyager episodes in a row.

i didn't low tom and b'elanna's plot in this episode but they made up for it in the end by being kinda cute when they were teasing about their entire relationship having been built on alien lies or whatever and then they were getting ready to kiss the whole time. i thought b'elanna was being kind of silly insisting on secrecy when they were making out everywhere and i guess janeway did too because DAMN she gave them one of those big bad scary awful lectures...it was also redeemed by it being REALLY funny when tuvok caught them and he was just like :| because that's just what his face does

sleep deprived pissed off janeway!!!! she was amazing in this ep. another one where she reminded me of kirk, especially with the bit of her threatening to blow them all up at the end. he did canonically do that!!

seven and the doctor were so fun. seven did a great job, she was SO close, but you literally can't get one over on tuvok

the only thing i really hated about this ep was old chakotay. like, sure, fine, make somebody old, but why did they also make him white?? come on

you are cordially invited (ds9):

I LOVED THIS ONE!

headliner: i have finally forgiven odo. when kira avoided him all episode i was all but hissing at the very sight of him. when she was like "we need to talk" i was like NOOOO because i knew no matter what he did or said i would not be able to let go of my anger. i was so worked up about it that i was BESIDES myself that they skipped to the next morning without showing us what they talked about, and then...

in the closet. all night. all night they talked in the closet

and you know what? it's perfect. if i can't forgive him no matter what he said then simply don't show me what he said. show me kira and odo looking deeply relaxed and having the deepest conversation at like 10 in the morning after HAVING. SPENT. ALL NIGHT. IN THE CLOSET

idk one of my fav things they did was have kira find out about odo's feelings and then nothing changes...like, he can be in love with her and it's not a painful secret but it's also not a demand and they're still friends. that's so complex and good

the rest of this episode: mwah. my best friend quark and his unrequited love. sisko being glad to be home. julian and obrien fantasizing about killing worf and then beating the shit out of him at his own wedding. martok loving getting negged by his wife. jadzia crying into sisko's arms about her husband troubles. mwah. even alexander was funny despite me being lukewarm on him earlier. klutzy disaster isn't who he was in tng, like they just made up a new guy, which is annoying, but it is also charming, so i'll take it

the one thing that got me this ep was like...i was expecting jadzia to succeed in winning this lady's favor by defying her or capitulating to her or by doing some secret third thing, but they...never showed it? she just got married and the lady was like ok we're all good now!!

i also read that they tried to get the tng cast back for worf's wedding, just without lines...i get why they weren't there since it was on;y a week's notice (which may have been part of the reason they decided to do it like that) but can you imagine the fucking jumpscare if i'd seen picard on ds9 season 6. i would have died on the spot

TONIGHT, assuming my internet stays on: voy's "year of hell" parts i & ii. EXCITED!!!

[aenslem]

Character ask for Pavel Chekov (Star Trek), please?? 🥰

How I feel about this character: obviously, I love this boi, he is fun, cute, smart, sassy, what not to love.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I don't think I actually ship him with anybody, he is like a son to me :D

My non-romantic OTP for this character:  with Sulu, I love the idea of their friendship, like Chekov would always start some drama and Sulu would have to clean up the mess lol

My unpopular opinion about this character: this question never works with me, cos I have absolutely no idea what other people think of this or anything else, honestly, while I love start trek the longest, I don't really talk to anyone nor read opinions out there to know which are unpopular or popular.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: as with everybody else, I would love to have more episodes with him doing something serious, not just being in the background helping the main trio and throwing one liners that are fantastic, but he could do so much more and be so much more, but I get that the main trio was the focus of the show.

my OTP: don't have any

my cross over ship: same as above

a headcanon fact: he always looks up to Spock, but also he wants to have a final word in their debate at least once or to finally joke so well that Spock would not be able to ruin it by making a bitchy comment that will end all Pavel's attempts to joke for the next month in the presence of mister Spock.

[lire-casander]

#34 asking them for advice/help

asking them for advice/help original prompt list here

TK knows something’s up with Carlos. He’s always been able to pinpoint the changes in Carlos’ mood, and as time goes by and their relationship evolves and deepens, TK’s developed a sixth sense to notice when Carlos is feeling off. But sometimes, whatever irks Carlos just surprises TK.

Today is one of those days.

It’s not evident at first. Of course, when TK gets back home after a strenuous shift, he notices Carlos sitting a bit more tense than usual — TK pins it down to a bad shift as he kisses his fiancé on the cheek and moves to the bathroom to shower off the remnants of his own shift. When he’s back out, hair damp from the running hot water, wearing his comfiest sweatpants, Carlos is standing up in the middle of the space, holding a book in his hands and a pained expression on his face.

“Babe?” TK asks when he almost runs into him as Carlos moves toward him at the same time. “What’s—what’s wrong? What’s that book?”

“We need to talk, TK,” Carlos says slowly, placing the book on top of the table.

“That doesn’t sound reassuring, Carlos. What’s going on?”

Carlos takes his sweet time as he leads TK to sit down on the chair across the table as he sits on the other. He’s wearing a serious expression that’s making TK feel insecure and really worried all of a sudden.

“I’ve lied to you,” Carlos begins to say, voice pitching up by the last word.

“You’re scaring me. What have you lied to me about?”

Carlos pushes the book forward to TK, who reads the title on the cover and remains speechless.

“A textbook on criminology?” He laughs, almost hysterically. “What’s so wrong in the book that you’re so scared to tell me.”

“I, uh,” Carlos stutters. He doesn’t say anything for a moment; TK takes the chance to reach out and grab Carlos’ hand.

“It’s okay, Carlos. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“Detective Washington lent me this book a few weeks ago,” Carlos explains. “She believes I have a detective's eye. And she—”

“—gave you the book because she wants you to take the detective exam,” TK finishes for Carlos. “That’s actually fantastic, babe!”

“Do you think?” Carlos sounds insecure as he speaks. “I just—I wanted to talk to you about the possibility of me taking that exam sometime. Hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically, hm.” TK smiles softly. “Are you asking me my opinion on you taking that exam?”

“Hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically,” TK emphasizes, “I’d think it’d be a great improvement for you.”

“I became a police officer to help my community,” Carlos tells him. “I have this feeling I’d be letting everyone down by moving higher up in the ranks.”

“You’d be helping people out, just in another capacity. I believe you can do it, Carlos. I believe in you.”

Carlos sniffles, and it’s then that TK realizes he’s been holding back tears. He stands up and ad he walks around the table to his fiancé. He squats down and leans in to hold him tight in his arms.

“I’ll always believe in you,” he promises.

“Even when the stress of the exam turns me into a bitchy crazy old man?”

“Especially then,” TK says laughing.

[youhavetogotocollege]

dating, etc

dating an artist with genuine talent might be one of the most infuriating things in the world. not because he's entitled or because he's snobby, but because he's better than me. in nearly every sense of the world he is better than me and that fucking sucks. he's smart, talented, funny, artistic, has sort of okay social skills, is reassuring...need i go on. he's currently listening to me write this and butting in every five seconds saying "you're all of those things" and "you really, really are" and "you're fantastic" and everything under the sun that could be related to that sentiment. maybe he's right, but i will never be able to admit that to myself. if i were to, you'd have to torture it out of me. now, dear audience, why am i breaking my three day silence to complain about my relationship, you ask? well, because i can. sorry, that was bitchy. or maybe it wasn't, who really cares at this point? i think my brain actually hates me. my boyfriend just said that he thinks that i'm a genius. who's gonna tell him that i want to stab myself repeatedly in the eyes and ears and mouth and nose (head, shoulders, knees, and toes, if you will) until my brain—and all other related aspects of my anatomy—turns into mush.

"do you really think that dating me is infuriating?" "well, you're better than me so..." "no i'm not." "well i can't draw for shit so yknow." "well i can't write." "well kill yourself."

that last part did not happen, but it would be funny if it did. i think dryly telling people to kill themselves is peak comedy, i guess. anyway. love my boyfriend to death, but i wish that when i looked at the things that i do in comparison to the things that he does, i could say that i have as many accomplishments as him. how many times has this motherfucker had his work published in a (school) newspaper? many more times than me, that's for sure. i guess you could count my "poem" that i wrote in junior year that was later put into a book that was sold on amazon exclusively by my school's 2020 valedictorian published, but i honestly don't know if that counts. it's something, i suppose. i just wish that i could use the power that i have as a microcelebrity in the chicano journalism community's nepotism grandchild to my advantage when it came to writing and putting myself out there, but i honestly don't think the chicano journalism community wants to hear my depressing, disorder, dystopian bullshit. i don't even write about being chicano anymore because i don't even know if i count.

my boyfriend has been silent for some time, dearest audience. i think it's because i've been droning on and on and on about my shitty, boring life. i don't think that me reading my own fucking diary entry out loud is his idea of a good date. honestly, i think it sounds like a nightmare for all parties involved. too bad, so sad, my name is not brad, whatever whatever whatever. i'm going to go back to actually communicating with my boyfriend now, because i'm bored of writing and of thinking and of breathing and i want him to shower me in compliments that i will brush off while hiding my face in my hands because god forbid he knows i appreciate the words that he says to me. haha, that's a joke. i hope you guys don't think that i'm a total cunt to my boyfriend, i'm just autistic and have a personality disorder. maybe that will be the death of me and they can write on my gravestone "rip [redacted], the biggest cunt in southern california's sweaty ass crack". anyway. that's all i have to say now. goodbye, audience of very few.

[caspercryptid]

I just want to add on here because I had an experience with this that, while awful and stressful, ended up applicable to both my mental health journey and my physical health journey, if anyone is seeking formal diagnosis for whatever reason.

I have fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is what is called a Diagnosis Of Exclusion. That means there is no test for fibro. There is tests for everything but fibro, and you have to go to every fucking doctor imaginable getting every test imaginable until they all come back negative. This is Fucking Expensive, and it sucks. It involves a lot of x-rays and blood tests, which are even more expensive. Allergy tests, also expensive. It was painful and awful and at the end of all of it I ended up at a pain center and they went "we would love to help, genuinely, but we need a fibro diagnosis to start treating you for fibro and we don't do that here" and I looked at the nurse and I just. Broke. I explained everything I'd been through and I ended up saying, fairly explicitly, "can you give me a referral to a doctor that will diagnose me with fibromyalgia"

And they did.

At the end of all of that was me saying the words "I need you to send me to a doctor that will BE WILLING TO GIVE ME THIS DIAGNOSIS" was the fucking miracle worker. So. For everyone dealing with this with psychiatry and psychology. Unfortunately this is a nightmarish awful process, and this advice may not be helpful to people who don't have the money or insurance to switch doctors. But if your doctor gives you this shit, drop them. Sometimes the practice you're going to will have another doctor on staff who does the same thing, call in and ask to see them instead. I have had to do this for migraines and adhd too! Sometimes you have to sit down in front of a doctor and go "I have been experiencing these symptoms and I am seeking this diagnosis so I can pursue treatment" and some doctors will hear you! It can be scary but you gotta say Treatment and not mention medications and usually that stops them from thinking you're drug-seeking.

Something I've also found helpful is to get a doctor on your side that isn't the one that can give you the diagnosis. Your primary care doctor would get bitchy if you tried to self dx with the flu without a test, but they're more likely to nod along if you describe adhd symptoms and say you're seeking an adhd diagnosis, and if you can get them on your side, they can write you a referral that will vouch for you, and then you can go to the psychologist and say "my primary care doctor sent me here for adhd symptoms" and then it's not you saying you have adhd! It's your primary care doctor! And they wouldnt get mad at a primary care doctor, would they???

Self-advocacy is fucking Hard and Awful and the deck is stacked against you but I just wanted to offer my own experience to offer a few tips for people who have the resources and to say that sometimes you do everything right and do everything they tell you to do and they still won't listen to you until you get another doctor on your side. And sometimes doctors outside the field of specialty can be the ones that are the most helpful (my primary care doctor was fantastic, and my physical therapist is actually who first went "Hey your reactions feel like fibro to me")

Good luck everyone, hope this was helpful, sorry OP for the long rambling reply this just really struck a chord with me— I haven't sought a formal diagnosis for autism even though I Know I have it because it wouldn't be helpful to me but i remember going through this with adhd and fibro and I learned a lot.

a while ago i attended this lecture on autism. guy in the audience said he had many of the symptoms that were presented and asked what should he do to get treatment and possibly a diagnosis. instead of answering his question the psychologist went on a tangent about how “the clinic reigns all powerful over guesswork”, and how actually it has become a trend amongst little children on the internet to claim that they are autistic for cool points, and that this hurts real autistic people. no she didn’t tell him how to get his symptoms looked into, she just made it very clear that to her, aknowledging your own symptoms is bad and evil and hurts the poor real mentally ill people.

an ex-friend of mine, then a psychology major and by now probably a full psychologist, once lectured me on how horrible and bad it was that i told her “i probably have some sort of neurodivergency”, and that if i were her patient she would never give me a diagnosis because “you aren’t like this now, but i know that if you get a diagnosis you’ll use it as an excuse to start treating people badly. that’s just how mentally ill people are.”

same ex-friend was extremely disgusted when she found out that fans sometimes make neurodivergency headcanons for characters that have the same symptoms as they do, and that authors sometimes write books with neurodivergent protagonists in stories that don’t focus on that (ex: she seemed horrified that percy jackson has adhd?)

multiple psychologists i’ve seen on facebook agree that they should refuse to treat patients that say “i’m here because i have symptoms of a disorder and wonder if i have it”, and that a patient should arrive to a psychologist as a blank slate.

school psychologist asked me how i was feeling about my trauma situation and i told him i thought my friends would leave me. instead of addressing the issue he said that that no i didn’t, that i was lying, that i had searched “bpd symptoms” online and now i was faking symptoms because i wanted to have bpd, that he shouldn’t have told me he suspected i had a personality disorder because now look what was happening. no, i didn’t search bpd symptoms online. yes, my friends left me, it was a completely founded belief and not a symptom, let alone a faked symptom.

so the next time you hear someone saying they’re “anti self-diagnosis” i want you to understand what they’re saying. what they’re saying is:

- i don’t want people to be aware of their own symptoms

- i don’t think my patients should have access to any information that doesn’t come from me

- i don’t think neurodivergent people should learn how to cope with their symptoms and live “normal” lives

- i think neurodivergent people should be denied a diagnosis because the moment they get one they will become evil and dangerous

- i don’t think people who don’t look like a stereotype could possibly be neurodivergent, even if they have all the symptoms, so i think they are faking it for attention and should be denied treatment

[thewritermuses]

RuPaul's Drag Race

RuPaul's Drag Race - RuPaul

Season One & Three This is part of my unedited thoughts series. 8/10

Season One

Going into this, I didn't know much about the show. All I knew was the vibe - it was about drag queens. Yes, I know I must be living under a rock.I've never been a huge fan of the drag scene. Just didn't interest me. So because of all of this, I wasn't expecting much.It was much more interesting than I expected.

The challenges were exciting to watch and were varried. Rather than just dress up in a different outfit.

There is one episode where the challenge is to read the news and then do an interview. It is brilliant. Fantastic tv!The end of every episode ends with the bottom two contestants competing in a lipstick battle.This is just hilarious some of the stuff that happens during these battles. What I think is great about these battles and the rest of the show is how RuPaul runs it.She doesn't take it too seriously. She takes it just seriously enough. This tone is so important because I think the show would be farcical if taken too seriously.I agree with the winner. She was just next level compared to the rest of the contestants. As the judges kept saying from very early on she could take up RuPaul's mantle immediately.

Now that I have experienced what drag race is they will have to do something different next season to keep me interested.

Season Three

Lots of firsts this season. First return of a previous contestant with Shangela coming back.We also saw the first lip sink for your life result in no elimination.Then if that wasn't enough the judges were given the chance to bring back an eliminated contestant.

There were some returning challenges but they were the really fun ones like impersonating a celebrity. Just great stuff really funny Alicia Keys.

There were two really hard challenges where the contestants had to create three outfits for the same runway.You could just see them stressing to breaking point.The team challenges brought out the bitchiness - these were fantastic this season.From the first challenge, I was certain Raja was going to win. She was just so much better than all the others from the word go. They did try to play up her weaknesses in the final episode but that felt false. She was the best contestant we have seen by far.This season also had the infamous Mimi Imfurst incident where she picked up another contestant during the lip sink.Ru Paul was a fantastic in his instant elimination "Drag is not a contact sport."While this was entertaining there was nothing that really grabbed me this season but it is still very binge-worthy and I would recommend it.

Read the full article

[lollytea]

Darius n willow dynamics hc please

Hunter stayes at darius s place quite often (post canon) so they have small talks while willow waits for Hunter to get ready etc

(obsessed w her as darius s equivalent in dana s art)

Ohhhhhhh I have SO MANY Darius and Willow dynamic headcanons

I think it's so funny to imagine Darius and Willow having a frenemy-type relationship. Partly because Darius is just Like That with all children cuz ew children and partly because Willow is literally never going to get over their first meeting and refuses to let Darius forget it either.

She frequently reminds him of just how terribly he handled that whole situation. She's mad about how many hours it took her to wash his stupid abomination goo out of her hair. She cannot BELIEVE a grown man seriously botched what should have been such a simple task to such fantastically idiotic proportions. All he had to do was employ some basic communication skills. HOW did he fuck this up so bad? Willow isn't even all that angry. She doesn't really hold grudges (anymore) but she's so just astounded by his audacity that she can never let it go.

Everytime she gets started on this Darius is like "Really? Really? We're still on this, are we? Haven't you ever considered finding something else to get riled up about? I hear they're raising the price of griffin eggs. Where's the rage for the failing economy?? Kids these days get abducted on an evil government airship once and its all they talk about for the rest of their lives."

Darius never admits to any mistakes on his part and insists he had the situation entirely under control. But if she weren't in such a hurry to abandon ship...Oh, this gets Willow hopping mad. Darius will dig his heels in further until they're having a full blown debate.

Whenever the conversation even begins to steer in this direction, Hunter desperately attempts to change the subject. If he doesn't, he knows this could go on for hours.

They're fond of each other, they really are. And they enjoy the passive aggressive quip battles. But they'd never admit it.

Darius absolutely uses the nickname "Little Princess" for Willow and he says it with a smile but god....GOD, so much bitchiness in his tone. Its wonderful.

"Darius." Willow will greet him in return, also smiling sweetly and her tone makes his name sound the way cursive looks. And he immediately knows she's calling him a bitch too.

Oh Willow loves to be a little shit and get under Darius's skin. She loves it so much. And Darius, in turn, likes to exaggerate what a pest she is.

Hunter will be staying at his place and Darius will answer the door to Willow.

"Uck. You again." He says, exasperated.

"Me again :)" Chirps Willow, delighted that she received such an On Brand Darius greeting. "I am Hunter's girlfriend after all :)"

"Yes, I'm well aware of that. You won't shut up about it."

"And I don't intend to :) Would you be a sweetie and fetch him for me? :)"

"Do I look like a butler to you?"

"No. You look like a maid :) I really like your frilly apron :)"

"Alright alright, give it a rest. I'll go get him."

"Thaaaaaank you, Daaaaaarius :)"

"You're a nuisance, little princess."

Darius loves to insist that Willow is a terrible influence on Hunter, though he doesn't actually believe a word of what he says. Darius puts a lot of value on spunk and rebelliousness and has never believed in that "kids should respect their elders" nonsense. No, kids should should always speak their mind. At least that's what he always did as a kid. Darius has never been all that impressed by manners and obedience.

Willow is wild. She's outspoken. She's got flair. She's tough. She's confident. Quite frankly, she reminds him a lot of himself. And he truly hopes her best traits will rub off on Hunter. He has no intention of ever saying it aloud (maybe some day. If he is talked into doing a wedding speech of some sort.) but he believes they're a perfect match. They bring out the best in each other.

Although that won't stop him from groaning loudly and being like "Must you do this now?" When Willow gives her boyfriend affection while Darius is standing right there. Come on!! Come on!!! He doesn't need to see this!!!

"Ohhhhh I'm sooo sorry," Willow says with a theatric pout, still cupping Hunter's face after smushing her lips to his cheek. "This is just what wicked girlfriends do. They kiss in public :( Can't be helped :(" Because she thinks getting called a terrible influence is the funniest shit ever.

Willow especially likes to roast Darius when Hunter is around because she loves making him laugh. And like. He will sincerely TRY to hold back giggles when she's joking at Darius's expense and Willow considers that a challenge. So the three of them will be having dinner together and Willow will be cracking jokes, Darius will be making the most ridiculously offended expressions and noises and Hunter will just be suffering. Just trying to hide his face in his hands, his whole frame buckling, desperately trying not to burst into hysterics.

Then Willow is like "What's the deal with your hair? It looks like a lava lamp." And Hunter completely fucking loses it.

Darius blinks. "What's a lava lamp?"

That only makes Hunter laugh harder.

"He'll suffocate because of you." He says dryly to Willow. "And then you'll be sorry."

But if Darius is being honest....he likes that she makes him laugh so hard. He might have been exaggerating his faces just to add to The Bit. He's pretty sure Willow had figured that out.

I'm recycling this as something we talked about on discord once. So, in the same vein that Willow won't let their first meeting go, Darius also has his own incident where Willow fucked up and he never lets her forget it.

At some point after she and Hunter started dating, she came down with the common mold. And you know how that is. She got super loopy and clingy. And when Hunter showed up at her place to check up on her (being warned by her dads to keep his distance) she was immediately "Hunterrrrrr!!! I love you!!! Kisses?? Can I have kisses??? I haven't seen you in a DAY and I MISSED YOU and I want to KISS YOU. I think if I don't get kisses I'll DIE!!!" And like. What was Hunter supposed to do? You think he has the willpower to say no to that? Really? Honestly?

Anyway it just so happened that Hunter was scheduled to stay at Darius's place that weekend. And so sick cranky moody disgusting germ bucket Hunter immediately became Darius's problem.

Obviously Willow showed up to see her lovely boyfriend and the moment she stepped into the house, Darius was like "YOU!!!!!!!!!!"

At least Willow had the decency to look ashamed. She actually gets really embarrassed when Darius reminds her of the time she wasn't in her right mind and got Hunter sick. So, of course, Darius brings it up constantly.

Darius hates sports. Always has, always will. Too barbaric, too much dirt, too much sweat. However, he now has no other option but to attend every match the Emerald Entrails plays. And he also has no option but to cheer the loudest out of everyone in the crowd.

("Out of everything in the world you could have seduced him with, did it have to be sports?"

"Yeah :) Have a nice day :)")

But the first game he attends is memorable. Because it's the first time in years he bumps into his old abomination teacher, Professor Hermonculous.

And of course Hermonculous is delighted to see Darius again. Why wouldn't he be? Not only was he the best in his track but he may have been one of the greatest students Hexside has ever known. He accomplished so much!! Invented so many new techniques in abomination magic!! He wrote a book!! He became a Head Witch!! (Back when things like Covens actually meant something. Some witches still saw them as status symbols.) In his old professor's eyes, Darius was everything he could have ever wanted in a student.

Darius, on the other hand, did not greet Hermonculous half as warmly. It was quite a short grape vine. A girl tells her boyfriend and her boyfriend tells his former co-worker/current weekend roommate.

Yes, Darius was a success. But he knew full well how Hermunculous treated students that disappointed him.

"Once the Emerald Entrails have annihilated the competition, I think there's something you and I should discuss." Said Darius icily. "Professor."

Willow is immediately on the defense when she shows up at school the next day and her former abomination teacher calls her into his office for a private conversation. But she is completely floored when she receives a completely unprompted formal apology from miserable old Hermonculous himself. She leaves the office in a daze.

However, once the bewilderment wears off, Willow begins connecting dots. She's no idiot.

"Darius." She whispers the next time she sees him, tugging at his forearm and beckoning him to come closer.

Assuming she has some confidential info to share, Darius crouches to Willow's height and is surprised when she presses her hands to his shoulder to keep her tippy toes balanced and pecks him on the cheek.

"You have a pretty big heart for a bitter old man." She says.

Darius squints at her witheringly. "Did you just call me old?"

Willow beams.

[zephirite]

Oh my GOSH I had so many...for nostalgia's sake, imma do a breakdown of each book and what it did to me. (Spoilers for each book!) Elementary School:

Harry Potter I owe all my reading intrigue to my dad reading me and my sister Harry Potter every night. When he stopped, I was so invested I learned to read it just to finish it. I didn't know one out of every five words and the style took me a while to get used to, but after that, everything came easy. I was nine, so I deluded myself into thinking I would actually get a letter by owl (I was obsessed with birds at the time, so my excitement was two-fold). I went around with a 'cloak' and fake wand, and tried to sit through the Deathly Hallows movie when it first released (my dad warned me it was Pg-13, and he was right. I left to 'use the bathroom' several times). I re-discovered it when I was in middle-high school and in fandom spaces, so I garnered a new appreciation for its complexity before all the JKR drama hit. That said, it suffers from a lot of odd authorial bias--like the houses supposedly all being equal and unity being the way to defeat Voldemort, yet the final book involves...no Hogwarts or house unity until the final massacre? Someone said the protagonists should've been one from each house--Hermione in Ravenclaw, Ron in Hufflepuff, Harry in Griffindor, and Malfoy in Slytherin. More of the world could've been explored this way too...wasted opportunity. And for such a long series, it made sense to have the character deaths clustered toward the end, but I didn't expect so many in rapid succession. Overall, a very good concept with pretty good execution (even if I disagree with some choices).

Pandora Gets... [Jealous, Vain, Angry, etc] The cover art on these had no right going so hard. That's what drew me in, but I stayed for the plot: "Pandy", the teenage demigod daughter of Prometheus (who inhierited his fire powers) brings the box to school for show and tell, and her bullies unleash the seven evils trapped inside. So Pandy and her friends must travel the world to recapture them within a years time, seeing the damage they've caused and gaining skills along the way. The gods are bitchy (accurate) and the characters have good chemistry, clear stakes, and plenty of action. Took a turn when Alcie flippin' DIED (I cried, I was in utter disbelief) and ended up getting to see the Underworld. She even got given control over her life string by the Fates, which was sick. Really good series--I might read the final books now that it's complete. For old time's sake.

The Hunger Games The genius was mostly lost on me (I had to beg my parents to let me read it because everyone else in fifth grade was) and I sobbed during Rue's death, but it aged very well. Katniss was refreshingly awkward, and even the required YV love triangle had symbolic purpose and buildup (Gale representing War, and Peeta, Peace). Rue's death gutted me, as did Cinna's, and freaking Prim's... And it has fantastic movie adaptations, too. You can tell Suzanne Collins only writes when she has a clear story in mind, not as a cash grab. The prequel movie Songbirds and Snakes is coming out soon, and I'm pumped.

Divergent Considerably less well-developed and politically/psychologically nuanced than the above. Would've been more resonant as just one novel that ended openly. Then it fell apart. They randomly added Tobias's pov into the third book because of Tris's contrived death (after the whole series' Faction premise is revealed as an experiment). I always thought their relationship was...too intense and weird? Mentor/mentee ships often weird me out bc they don't feel like equals. And Divergents are literally just chosen ones...we never find out what makes them dangerous. It can't be 'questioning the system', because everyone fights back at some point. "Do factionless kids get to choose their faction?" <- someone commented this, and I agree that this would've made a MUCH cooler protagonist than Tris. And the movies got downright incoherent by the third one.

Emily Windsnap I was entranced by the iridescent mermaid-tale, watercolor cover, and this ushered in my mermaid phase (which only intensified with H2O and Mako Mermaids). In book one, the lighthouse keeper drugging Emily's mom via daily doughnuts so she forgets her mermaid husband while he rots in jail for loving a human, and then Emily visits him, and eventually gets Poseidon to let them live together. I loved the semi-mer ideal (human on land, mermaid in the water), and the simple, imaginative world was well-described. Fond memories! Even though they shoehorned a love interest in for Emily, adventure was first and foremost.

Dork Diaries Loved the art for this one, but Nikki was always as big a brat as her bullies--just in retaliation. She complains her life sucks even when she wins thousands of dollars in art competitions, gets record deals, and has a scholarship to a private school. Weirdest book was a literal fever dream where Nikki got beaned in the head with a dodgeball so hard, she hallucinated an entire fairy tale.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid Aged better than dork diaries, for its vaguely dark humor and deadpan absurdity.

Guardians of Ga'Hoole Warrior Cats but for bird nerds--like me, so this was a hit. I had to read the books out of order and missed most of them, but in the end, the main character gets his wing ripped off and dies. But hey--we got the prettiest movie adaptation EVER! Each shot is a painting and ultra-detailed in a beautiful way (not hyper-realism for the hell of it (*cough Lion King cough* ).

Animorphs How K.A.Applegate managed to tell a cohesive, unnerving war story about shapeshifting kids, aliens, and mind-controlling slugs over hundreds of novels, I'll never know. Each book had clear, high stakes and was entertaining. Some got weird, but that's par for the course. And apparently, we get a somewhat tragic ending, which is pretty ballsy. Hoping the show goes well--second time's a charm!

Warriors Enjoyed this one a lot, even if I didn't read all of them. Basic knowledge of clan structure and the premise has served me well, as this and Harry Potter remain the most well-known fandoms out of any on this list.

Molly Moon An english orphan learns how to hypnotize people, and uses it to defeat various weird adults and get rich, alongside her best friend and pug. What's not to love? Got a bit out-of-hand with the power creep after they introduced time travel and future selves, but it was always a quirky series at heart, so I can't blame it. They were also the only books in english in the Swedish library when I lived there for a year, so...there's that.

Inkheart Are all the original premises for YA books taken? Get meta, and make reading a superpower! A book for book nerds, and I love it dearly for that. Kinda conventional medieval European fantasy world meets VERY conventional modern world, but it's not about the scale, but the magic; read beautifully and with conviction, and the people around you are replaced by the characters you're reading about. Villain gets to meet the author who made him, and the author gets to travel inside his own book and reap the consequences of what he made. Movies are good, but this premise was literally built for books, so it's no great loss. Fantastic characters, though. Very iconic. I'm surprised Tumblr hasn't discovered this series yet--it's right up their alley.

A Year without Autumn Not a series nor an obsession, just a fever-dream novel I read (same author as Emily Windsnap) where a girl is on vacation with her friend Autumn, and rides an elevator to the future, where Autumn is in a coma from an accident that happened that summer. Main character travels 'up' another year, to where they're pulling Autunm's life support. Mc returns to save her. Lowkey horrific, but memorable. I'll reblog w/ a part 2!

Nobody understands the bond between a girl and the mediocre book she read when she was 13 years old.

[peachyteabuck]

candy hearts / fallon carrington x reader

summary: fallon doesn’t like valentine’s day very much, but you’re determined to change her mind

commissioned by anonymous, part two to ‘caught a vibe’

pairing: fallon carrington x reader

words: 1219

trigger warnings: stepcest. bottom!fallon, vaginal oral sex, allusions to unhealthy relationships/emotional manipulation 

ask box / masterlist / ko-fi

“You know, I didn’t think of you as someone who doesn’t like Valentine’s Day,” you say, flipping through the magazines Fallon has strewn across her bed. She’s deciding her designer for some gala that’s taking place in the summer, examples of the work some local artisans can do splayed out for her to pick. You’re not really sure why she has to choose so far out from the date of the actual event, but most of Fallon’s life eludes you.

Fallon scoffs, tossing another torn-up Vogue across her king-sized bed. “Every year stupid boys would pass me over for some other, nicer girl whose Dad didn’t threaten them with shotguns and financial ruin. And then I got older and, well, Culhane wasn’t exactly allowed to be seen with me and Liam just treated it like any other holiday.”

Such a shame, you want to tell her. How shitty all those stupid men treated you. I can do better. I will do better.

“Those guys are idiots,” you say. Fallon gives a small snort in agreement. “I’m serious! You deserve to be treated like a goddess. If those idiot men couldn’t see it then that’s their loss, not yours.”

She sighs, avoiding your gaze. Even though you’d met the hardened, bitchy Fallon the rest of the world knew well, under her rock-solid exterior was a mushy center akin to a teddy bear. You wanted to protect that part of her from turning to stone, to keep the parts of her that mattered soft and kept away from the harsh outside world. It’s not like you have the same money or resources that Fallon has, you can’t hire bodyguards or buy her a safehouse or take her on vacations to remote places. But what you do have is an overabundance of love, and you’re determined to give her all of it in any way you can.

Fallon doesn’t reply, giving you a half-hearted shrug and pushing around the pages of a recent edition of Harper’s Bazaar.

“Let me prove it to you,” you say after a long period of heavy silence. “Lay back.”

Fallon, luckily, does as you tell her – not in the mood to pick a fight with no prize. You push the magazines from the bed, ignoring the way Fallon protests (as if the designers she liked weren’t already bookmarked with plastic stick tabs) as you move down the bed, kissing down her chest above the sheer burnt orange fabric of her fantastical robe. She’s completely naked underneath, the indents that pepper her skin from her outfit that day slowly becoming less angry with every passing moment. You kiss those, too, willing them away.

Slowly kissing above her navel, you’re soon met with the sight of her neatly trimmed bush framed by perfectly waxed thighs. You admire the way she takes such good care of herself, the way she pays attention to every single detail. You were always a nailbiter, throwing your hair into whatever style took the least amount of effort and whatever clothes looked halfway decent. She’s just perfect, effortlessly; and you love her for it.

You can see she’s already wet, the heady smell of her intoxicating you. You’re convinced you could spend an eternity between her thighs, bringing her to the peak of pleasure as many times as she’d let you.

It’s hard to control yourself, to not dive headfirst and devour her like a man starved for days; but somehow you start with small kitten licks to her clit.

“O-oh,” she moans, perfectly manicured nails threading themselves through your hair and tugging at your scalp. It’s a delicious burn that causes you to moan out as well, the vibrations sending waves of pleasure through her abdomen. “You’re way too good at this.”

You smirk just a little, keening under her praise. It’s not as if you’ve had endless partners to practice on over the years – just a few half-hearted hookups from dating apps and shitty bars. But Fallon makes you feel like you can do anything – be anything – especially for her.

Soon you’re grabbing a pillow from behind her, propping her hips up so you can tease a finger at her entrance. She’s wet, so wet, and you’re slipping two fingers into her dripping entrance before you can fully comprehend your actions. It’s easy to find that special spot inside of her, massaging it as your lips remain attached to her clit. Immediately you can feel her body tense at the crash of pleasure inside of her, her eyes screwing shut as she chews on her bottom lip.

You pull away for just a moment, continuing to fuck into her. “You like that?” you ask, desperate for her to tell you everything she’s feeling. Is she hot? Cold? What does it feel like when you fuck into her? Is it better than those stupid two-bump Chumps who she’s dated before? Does she wish they could see her now, unabashed in her pleasure and desires with someone willing to wait on her hand and feet? Does she wish they knew how much you adore her, what you would do for her without a second thought?

“Fuck, yes I do!” Fallon cries, locking eyes with you as you smirk from pride. “I had no idea it felt this fucking good- shit!”

You interrupt her, going back to lapping at her clit, alternating speeds just to tease her just a bit. It’s only when you time your licks to the thrusts of your fingers does she crack – her moans deeper and more animalistic than before.

“Fuck, don’t stop, baby,” Fallon moans, throwing her head back against her silken pillowcases as she ruts into your mouth. “Fucking, fuck-“

You can feel when she comes, her pussy pulsing against your tongue as she cries out. Her thighs clamp your head in place, her hips rising from the bed to get a better angle against your mouth. Your rise with her, continuing to lick in time with the way her clit jumps from the orgasm. Only when her legs begin to twitch and kick to you withdraw your fingers from her aching, red pussy, the slick on your hands catching against the low light. It’s times like this you wish you were a photographer – the low yellow glow, the trail of slick between her cunt and your hand…it deserves to be hung in galleries around the world. Influencers should take selfies with it, coffee table books should be dedicated to it, art schools should have entire classes dedicated to it.

You wipe your hand against your sweatpants before crawling back up to lay beside her. There, you prop yourself up on one elbow, smiling as you watch her breathing slowly start to turn from pants to a more normal pace. “Does Valentine’s Day sound any better now?”

Fallon smirks just a little, pushing you on your back and curling up into your chest. She presses her ear to where your heart lies just below, listening to the rhythmic thuds. “We’ll see.”

Given her soft smile, the way she holds you…you’re sure she sees the same light you do. Still, you’ll pamper her until your dying days – massaging her feet and helping her dress until the end of days, or until she directs you back down between her thighs…whichever comes first.

[nazuna-tunnel-vision]

Sena?

(For an ask game that i already lost the link for because it’s been half a year. I’m so sorry anon i have no excuses haljfkal. but thank you for sending this in)

under read more bc i have word vomit disease and my answers got long. the questions are:

fave thing about them

least favourite thing about them

favourite line

brOTP

OTP

random headcanon

unpopular headcanon

unpopular opinion

song i associate w them

favourite picture of them

Favourite thing about them:

I had to rewrite this section bc I listed too many things LOL. I just like sena a lot..! But if I really had to pick one, I think it's contrast between his external and internal selves. He always behaves like an absolutely deranged and narcissistic person when actually. He is very critical of himself and holds onto regrets and the past a lot. Thinking about the "Yuu-kun. Makoto Yuuki-kun. I've always known." line from Starmine and the part in Lionheart where he says he doesn't want to forget Leo and their time together. He cares so much about others, so much more than he knows what to do with himself. It's very cute and sweet and incredibly sad. The tragedy of Sena Izumi is that he cares too much to ever really be normal about things. or that he never learned what to do with all that love. Anyway I wrote a 2.5k word essay on this if anyone here hasn't read it yet please do it's a whole manifesto

Least favourite thing about them:

I think he should just let Tsukasa eat his food. This goes for Arashi too, they need to let Tsukasa just eat.

Favourite line:

maybe this one in Lionheart: "Anyway, it pisses me off so I step on his [Leo's] head." you rarely get moments in enstars where you go "yep, boys will be boys" (in the positive way of the phrase). it's a funny moment and i like it.

brOTP:

nazusena!!!!! I could write a whole essay about this and i hope i do. the only reason i haven’t is bc there’s so much, idk where to start. there's a lot to unpack here but the gist of it is that sena is the only one in ! that lets nazuna be his bitchy self without any mean feelings mixed in. they know how to push each others buttons but also know which lines never to cross. they're great friends! i believe with the force of a thousand suns that they had crying sessions about their exes in tennis club.

also narusena! whenever naru reaches her limit and blows up at someone, everyone is surprised except for izumi. he knows that she's got a mean streak, but he also knows that her good girl persona is very important to her so he doesn't call her out on it - except for when he's validating her anger in the rare cases that she lets it get the better of her. (tbh thinking about it now, it's the same w nazuna - he never calls nazuna out on his bitchiness, probably because nazuna makes it super clear that he's trying very hard to be a respectable nii-chan. isn’t izumi weirdly considerate sometimes? i love him)

also the way narusena have a handle on each other is very funny. there's izumi knowing naru's worst flaws and thinking nothing about it, and then there's also pirates when naru bribed sena into acting the way she wanted him to as if he's a kindergartener.

OTP:

izuleo for the fantastic breakup vibes and longing and pining and regret and. also they're cute. also did you know that leo's family loves sena and in !! he sometimes crashes at their place instead of his own.

ritsuizu because ritsu would tease izumi to hell and back and i think it'll be funny. also did you know that when sena gets back from florence and can't sleep bc of jetlag, they just hang out and talk. this has been mentioned at least twice and it makes me soooo happy because they're 2 incredibly guarded people and now they're so comfy around each other. cries... and also ritsu looooves being pampered while izumi has mom friend disease and has to look after the people around him or he’ll die. rtmo & izumako dynamic but without all the baggage of like. yknow. izumako, and also mao being the only person who paid attention to ritsu and who sometimes doesn't really like being the object of ritsu's obsession. rtiz are made for each other their hands fit perfectly. i speak this into existence.

ritsuizuleo is also great because now izumi has 2 very troublesome boyfriends who will very happily shower izumi with affection and izumi probably spends 80% of the time with his face red but being very happy about it on the inside.

nOTP: if i've ever seen a sena ship that made me frown, i just scrubbed that from my memory. but tbh i think any sena ship would be incredibly funny bc he just cannot behave like a normal or functional person.

random headcanon:

ok this is actually from a fic i read but. izumi constantly accidentally stepping or sitting on ritsu all over the place bc ritsu just falls asleep in the weirdest places, until izumi eventually checks under the desk or kotatsu before he sits by habit. it feels very izumi for him to learn to regularly do small actions like this but never really mention it. 

unpopular opinion:

He's supposed to be pretty but I don't find him physically or aesthetically attractive??? (.... Fem!Sena on the other hand. My brain always freezes and stops working and i'm like "wow what an ethearal person!!" i don’t feel like having a crisis over this so i don’t think about this much. but it happens.)

song i associate with them: idk maybe silent oath and the divorced izuleo vibes. wanting to be with the person but you don’t think you should. talk to each other properly you losers (affectionate) i’m going to cry and sob at you

favourite picture of them:

checkmate unbloomed. i can’t put the image here bc i can’t find a png of it, but here’s a link to it in the wiki. it’s the one where little john, the midly pudgy grey cat is like. sprawled on izumi’s upper torso and shoulder and izumi not only LETS it but also gently pats her and looks at her softly. i bet izumi’s other arm is supporting the cat’s bottom so it can relax properly on his shoulder. what a softie.

i love little john so much. i'm sorry izumi i know you like attention but this isn't about you. i read this story at the start of my enstars journey, and let me tell you that little john made me 10x more invested in knights' storyline. i am a cat person. which also explains why i like knights, because they’re all very cat-coded. or ritsuizuleo at least.