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Fic Rec Friday - #34
Intro post | tag
Rec #34: Silica Sand - lilienpasse Fandom: Haikyuu!! Rating: G Pairing: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu Word count: 32,286 (2 chapters) Summary (copied from fic): Overworked, over-stressed programmer Azumane Asahi works on the top floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper. Nervous around his coworkers and terrified of the long drop on the other side of the window, Asahi falls into a miserable routine, only to have it broken one day by a simple message on the outside of the glass. Other notes: super poetic prose and lovely relationship development of two lonely people finding each other <3
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[TEASER] THE LOVE PROGNOSIS (m) — JJK.
for as long as you can remember, you’ve always been a hopeless romantic.
the girl who’s always dreamt of cheesy encounters with her soulmate, grand love declarations, and a cute little beach wedding to boot. the kind of girl who thought her high school jock boyfriend would make good on his promise of keeping contact until college. that girl who thought the guy she met at 19 at some sleazy frat party wanted more than just sex. the girl who thought that her boyfriend at 21 would finally be The One after he introduced her to his parents on New Year’s Eve. you’re the kind of girl who thought that it was smart to get a boyfriend in her first year of med school and get proposed to in fourth year.
but reality pretty much slaps you hard right on the face, because love, unfortunately, doesn’t come grand — it’s simple and it’s quiet, but it is quite painful, especially when the love that you’ve been seeking for all your adult life has just been right under your nose all this time.
PAIRING jungkook x female reader // mingyu x female reader
GENRE r18+ (fluff, angst, smut) MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
WORD COUNT 1.2k words for this teaser but the fic currently is at 22k words (heavily unedited). the final estimate is around 30-35k 🤓
WARNINGS/MISC medical!au, roommates!au, surgeon!jk, surgeon!reader (they are both 4th year residents and are co-workers), corporate lawyer!mingyu, oc and jk are bffs since med school but their love language is fighting each other <3, jk and mingyu are bffs during undergrad, jk sluts it out quite often😞, hopeless romantic!oc, weddings and engagement themes, the angst is a bit extreme (medium level tbh) on this one, it’s the… yearning? one sided-love?, the surgeons gang: jk, oc, nayeon, doyeon, taehyung <3, multiple sex scenes (will specify once the fic comes out), i personally have only acquired a degree on Bingewatching Grey’s Anatomy so my medical knowledge is.. you see.. greys anatomy 💔 BUT! i did a lot of research for this pls dont crucify me. the full list of warnings will be indicated when the full fic comes out 🙏🏼 anyways warnings particularly for this teaser: drunk oc, implied alcohol consumption, germaphobe jk lol
NOTES hello awrkive nation!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanted to do something for jk’s birthday this september and this is what i came up with 😭 i am so soooo so incredibly excited to announce this fic to you guys 😵💫 ive been working on this on and off since the last week of july and its currently at 20k words so its coming along really well 🫂 its gonna be a HUGEE HUGEEE fic since its estimated to be around 30k words which will be a first for me hehe <3 pls look forward to it and REPLY TO THE COMMENT SECTION IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAGLIST (pls do not send an ask for taglist request 🫶🏼) LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!!!!! I WANNA HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS <33333
[ TLP MOODBOARD ]
READ FULL FIC HERE ❗
“Hey, swing me.”
You tell Jungkook, situating yourself more comfortably on the wooden platform attached to the chains.
“A dollar per minute.” He says, standing up from his own seat and placing himself behind you.
“I thought you hate capitalism? What is this?”
“This is forced labor.” Jungkook says with a groan that you think is a feigned exasperation, since you begin to feel movement right after it.
“You broke my hairdryer the other day. Consider this your compensation.” You look up at him to give him a smarmy smile.
Fom where you’re seated, you realize just how… big his presence is. It’s not the looming, ominous type, though – it’s quite the opposite. When Jungkook surrounds you, you find a bit of comfort in it. A huge one if you want to be honest to yourself.
“And I already bought you a new one. We’re even.” Jungkook squints his eyes at you.
You laugh.
“You’re gonna borrow and break it again.”
He visibly winces. “Touché.”
Jungkook swings you while you talk about your day, just like usual. He asks you about your laparoscopy that kept you from having lunch with the rest of your friends at the hospital earlier that day, about your new scrub cap, and you gossip a little about the new lab tech having a crush on the scrub nurse you both know.
For all his complaints earlier, Jungkook seemingly doesn’t seem to mind having swung you for the past ten minutes now. He’s relaxed and gentle with his movements, and his voice is quaint and soft as he talks to you.
But then you start to feel bad for him so you tell him to stop, standing up from the swing.
“Okay, your turn.”
Jungkook gives you a big grin.
“Nice.”
You chuckle at his enthusiasm when he sits on the swing chair this time around. But when you attempt a push, he barely moves, prompting him to laugh.
“What weak ass push was that?” He says incredulously, looking at you.
You jut your bottom lip out. “You’re heavy and I’m drunk.”
The second time you push him is more forceful but then Jungkook voices out a complaint after the third, fourth, and every single time you do it. You roll your eyes at his tantrums, but then suddenly, you think of a much better idea.
You push him off the swing with all your remaining strength even though your body feels like jelly from all the alcohol you consumed an hour ago.
“What the fuck, __?”
You burst out in boisterous laughter at Jungkook’s state, his hands and knees planted on the ground. He then sits on it, clapping his palms together to get rid of some dust that gathered on his skin.
Without thinking too much about it, you make quick steps over to his direction and situate yourself beside him.
Jungkook looks at you, confused, but you only give him a grin.
“Let’s lie on the ground.”
“What? No!” Jungkook immediately opposes it. As you expected.
You scrunch your face. “Oh! Look at me! I’m Jeon Jungkook and I’m a germaphobe and I’m afraid of dirt!” You say, intentionally making your voice a pitch higher.
Jungkook deadpans. “Pathogens can kill your cells’ metabolic machinery, so, yeah? I’m afraid of dirt.”
You roll your eyes at him and while he goes off about how they can also cause a toxic massive immune reaction, you push his chest forcefully which catches him off guard, prompting him to lay on the ground. Before he can say anything, you take his arm out to spread beside you and you use it to rest your head on.
Jungkook stops his rambling after that.
“See, shut up.” You say, backhanding him slightly on the chest. You fix your gaze at the skies. “The sky is beautiful tonight. Worry about your pathogens next time.”
Jungkook chuckles, and you feel the vibration of his body as he does so, being so close to him. As you peer up to look at him, you see him folding his other arm to lie his head on it.
You smile, going back to looking at the sky.
“This is like in The Notebook.” Jungkook says after a beat of silence.
“Right?” You grin. “And with the pathogens, too.” You tease.
Jungkook laughs, pinching your arm in his reach. “God, shut up about your pathogens.”
You chuckle at the irony.
“That’s me,” you point upwards, referring to a big twinkling light in the sky. Then, you move your finger towards the star beside it. “And then that’s you, ‘cause I’m a bigger star than you.”
You feel Jungkook look at you from his position. “You are so drunk.”
That causes you to giggle, clutching your stomach because you can’t stop laughing at pretty much everything tonight.
“I feel like I'm not anymore. My head just feels like it’s floating but no, definitely not drunk.”
“Whatever you say.” Jungkook says, chest vibrating from laughing at you.
“Hm. Race you to sleep, Jungkook.” You snuggle on his armpit. As you do, you smell a waft of your water lily springs body wash from Bath and Body Works. “Can you stop using my body wash?”
“What?” You can hear Jungkook say, but as he calls your name and more, his voice starts fading. “__? Hey, don’t sleep on me.”
You hum, eyes still closed.
“__, hey!” Jungkook grazes your arms. You can feel your head moving as Jungkook starts to sit, guiding your back to sit upright. He calls you again, gently tapping your cheek to wake you up.
The truth is, you’re really sleepy, but not so much that you can’t hear him anymore or move on your own.
Jungkook gives up trying to wake you up, though, convinced by your acting. Soon, he goes over in front of you, reaching for your arms and placing them around his neck.
“Just put your legs around me, yeah?” He whispers against your hair once you’re glued against his back.
You hum, intending it to sound like a mumble so Jungkook thinks you don’t actually understand.
Jungkook fixes your legs around him, standing up, bouncing a little to get you nice and snug in his back. You smile at the prospect of a piggyback ride.
“I know you’re awake, silly,” He says suddenly, his voice painted with amusement.
You stifle your laughter against his neck, breaking your supposed to be convincing act.
“Race you to the car, Kook.” you whisper into his ear.
Jungkook scoffs, but he doesn’t say anything more until you reach his car. He wears your seatbelt for you, though, and tells you to drink more water from his tumbler.
You fall asleep easily mid-drive.
In the morning, you wake up with a banging headache, your eyes catching the sight of a post-it note on your desk with one tab of Advil.
morning/afternoon stinky i made porridge before i left for my shift just heat it up again when you wake up
ps: your medical bill from my personal care will be discussed later when i get back home. no friends discount allowed
— your angelic friend, kookie
You chuckle at the (annoyingly elaborate) sketch of an angry bunny on the side.
© 𝐀𝐖𝐑𝐊𝐈𝐕𝐄 2024. all rights reserved. copying, editing, reposting and translating any of my works are not allowed.
#jungkook fluff#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook scenarios#jungkook imagines#jungkook fanfic#jungkook ff#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts fluff#bts smut#bts angst#bts fanfic#awrkive
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The second part of the mini-update for Chapter 9 is now up and playable for Ishari Tier Patrons.
Play the game here.
The update schedule is as follows:
8 April 2024: Ishari Tier Patrons ($15)
11 April 2024: Vinia Tier Patrons ($10)
16 April 2024: Cyre Tier Patrons ($5)
23 April 2024: Nomad Tier Patrons ($2)
New to the update:
Added around 37K of code and words. Word count will probably range between 30-35K;
Added more name options at the beginning of the game;
A late-night chat with Zikar (optional);
The Vinia family one-on-one scenes;
A memorial ceremony (optional) to honour Yara and Ahlf;
Dialogue scenes with Rana; and
Choose to give Rana her gift (based on earlier decisions).
This is the family portion of the chapter, so you'll not get any RO scenes this time. It mostly deals with the arrival of the Vinia family in Ishari, so if the family or Rana doesn't interest you, I suggest waiting for the next (and final) portion of Chapter 9's update.
Enjoy!
#crown of exile#chapter 9#mini update#partial update#patreon only#game update#twine game#interactive fiction#update schedule
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fake a kiss and heal a heart 𐀔 han dongmin
pairing — boynextdoor, han dongmin x female reader
genre — fake dating ! au, student ! au, written serie, after break-up situation, angst, fluff
synopsis — if dongmin had known that having his heart broken hurt so much, he would never have fallen in love in the first place. but you managed to fix everything in his bruised heart.
warnings — post break-up, alcool consumption, kissing, angst, sadness, partying, crying, reader is bold, i will mention it at the beginning of each chapter
featuring — apparition of other boynextdoor members
word count — approximately 30-35k or more (currently 15,326)
playlist — makeout with a stranger, bleed, talking body, fast times, into you, cheap wine, crying in the club, treat you better, everytime we touch, love me like you do, the glass, more to be added..
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ୨ ✩ ୧
chapter one. : a broken heart & an unexpected gesture
chapter two. : false emergency & another drink
chapter three. : rain against the window & that thing again
chapter four. : starry freckles on his cheeks & methylene blue stockings
chapter five. : a ridiculous idea & a wasted night
chapter six. : a tune-up & the endlessly spinning vinyl
chapter seven. : wet blue sneakers & the sun through the curtains
to be added..
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ୨ ✩ ୧
taglist — send an ask or comment just below to be added ! @leehanist @hikarii02 @lsmble @wtfhyuck @kjwnsz @en-dream @trashcigs @sulkygyu @florainnie @dazzlingligth @yuma-is-mine @mewhenwonbin @i1oze @snowflakemoon3 @hittoki @lilriswife4life
#taesan imagines#taesan scenarios#taesan drabbles#boynextdoor imagines#han taesan#han dongmin#boynextdoor taesan#bonedo taesan#bonedo#boynextdoor#boynextdoor reactions#boynextdoor x reader#boynextdoor fluff#boynextdoor scenarios#boynextdoor drabbles#han taesan scenarios#han taesan drabbles#han taesan timestamps#han taesan imagines#han dongmin imagines#han dongmin scenarios#han dongmin drabbles#han dongmin timestamps#taesan fluff#taesan angst#han taesan x reader#boynextdoor timestamps#boynextdoor angst#boynextdoor series#taesan x reader
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Breach: Chicago War Zone - WIP Update 16 - 30th of April 2023
Had to fight through a fever and a throat infection to get this done but, it's DONE!
Update 16 has been released! Around 32k worth of update, mostly continuing the Chapter 2 Part of the Archangel Route. There is no new content for the FBI route, or any of the hangouts.
Breach: Chicago War Zone (Updated)
DEVELOPMENT LOG#16.5 (30-April-2023) (B2.1.1.23.04.30)
Alpha - 16
Added Bubblegum and Blueberry flavoured ice cream
Added new story-specific generic body armor (Token 11)
Added toilet armor (Rejoice!)
Rearranged armor token system
Continued Chapter 2 Part 2 of the AA branch
Buffed covert plate carrier to 70 FB protection
Alpha - 16.5
Disabled Restart Chapter from Show Stats Screen
The Glorious Goods are back!
Added Tracy shop entrances
Unlocked all secondary weapon choices in the store
W.I.P.: Chapter 2 Part 2 of The AA branch (50%) W.I.P.: Chapter 2 Part 2 of The FBI branch (23%) W.I.P.: AA Hangout Part 1 (26%) W.I.P.: AA Store system (85%) W.I.P.: FBI Hangout Part 1 (23%) W.I.P.: FBI Store system (65%) W.I.P.: Stat screen upgrade (35%)
Word Count: 726,400 words including codes (Last update was 690,972)
35k worth of words, though most of it is a bunch of coding for the heist's outline. There's not a lot in this update unfortunately, I have been sick for over a week now, I feel like shit but at least it's not COVID. At least, I don't think it is. Tests are negative.
This update consists primarily of the continuation for Chapter 2 Part 2 of the Archangel route. There is no new content for the FBI route, nor is there anything new in the store aside from a few tweaks to the armor system. Also, The Glorious Goods section is now active.
Aside from that, I know I said I was gonna post a status update on the 15th but, yeah… missed that as well, I'm sorry. I tried working on the update as well as a short story but, apparently my brain can't really do both anymore. As I'm ramping up update production to be at least once a month.
The private testing update was supposed to come out the 5th this month but, was pushed back to the 15th, and now to the 22nd. Thankfully I still manage to get the public update out this month.
Sorry for the delays, and thank you all for your patience.
Much love! ❤️
----------------------------------------------
Link to the CoG Forums post
I also have a Discord server!
As always feel free to drop however many screenshot feedbacks you'd like, either in the forums or in our Discord channel!
#breachverse#breach update#breach: chicago warzone#choice of games#interactive fiction#bcwz#breach the archangel job#if wip#choicescript#hosted games#cyoa#dashingdon#if game#interactive novel#breachverse news#btaj
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The Deal (2)
Summary: She was officially failing in life and most importantly in university! With her grades hanging of the edge of a thread and tutors rejecting her left and right her only option is to make a deal with the devil a.k.a Kim Seungmin.A deal should always be fair. Your grades in exchange for Kim Seungmin's dream girl. Simple?...Right?!
Word Count: 35k
Slight enemies to lovers, idiots to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff.
No warnings, some foul language.
AN: Finally it's here! Tumblr won't let me post it in one post, so I am forced to divide into two parts. Would you be interested in SKZ x Greek Mythology theme? Hope you enjoy!!!
Part 1
@lethallyprotected
Well it was time.
The holiday season.
The absurd seasonal drinks you were making all day confirmed that.
It was your last shift before taking off to your hometown and everyone on campus decided to pay you a visit today. You were running all around the place, making sugary sweet coffee and foamy milks until the smile was swiped off your face. It was the morning shift so that meant you were getting off at four. A quick glance told you it was 3:30 pm and the half hour that was left was pure torture.
But it passed.
At the end of your shift, you hung your apron to the back room and bid your coworkers and boss the appropriate Christmas wishes and temporary goodbyes. And you went straight home to start getting ready. You were calculating the time it would take you to get ready tomorrow morning and when should you leave to get there on time, when your phone interupting your train of thought.
You checked the id caller and saw Seungmin was calling you. Well, that was a surprise!
You slid your finger over the screen accepting it and exclaimed loudly "Puppy!"
"I told you not to call me that" he grumbled under his breath. "Where are you?"
You mentally checked before answering.
You didn't forget any lessons today.
And you didn't have any plans with him or the rest of them.
"On my way home" you replied carefully, voice so low that you doubted he was able to hear it.
A pause and then "Weren't you working today?"
"Yeah, my shift ended like 10 minutes ago" you snorted as you crossed the street.
"Oh.." he only said. But you could hear noise on the background like he was outside.
"Seungmin where are you?" You inquired, curious.
"At the coffee shop.." he replied, sounding defeated.
You laughed at that. "Why?!"
"I came by to drop one of your notebooks cause tomorrow you are leaving early" he hastily explained. It was true he had one of your notebooks, but it wasn't like it couldn't wait until after Christmas.
You bit your lip, unsure of what to say but opening your mouth all the same. "Well..I am going home you can.. swing by and leave it to me...If it isn't much trouble!"
"No, I will be there." he replied "You want anything from outside?"
"No, I am okay. I will..see you in ten" you replied.
"See ya in five" he said before hanging up.
You quickened your steps, almost fast walking to your house. You reached in no time and climbed the steps in a hurry. At first glance it didn't seem too bad, but it was in no state for visitors. So you began twirling, picking up whatever caught your eye first. You just finished tucking your bed when a knock sounded.
"Coming!"you said, rushing to the door and throwing it open to reveal a flushed from the cold Seungmin. He greeted you politely and entered your home, bringing along with him a plastic bag. You looked up and saw him fumbling.
"I..I thought that maybe we can watch that movie you said the other day.."he got out, not really looking you straight at the eyes.
You tucked your hair behind your ear, sending him a smile. "Sure! I would love to! Thanks for the snacks" You replied and took the bag from his hand.
You shoved him lightly towards your couch and made your way to the kitchen to plate the pop corn he brought. Only to feel him hover behind you. You threw a glance and there he was leaning against the kitchen table, in all his glory.
"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" He interjected.
"Around 9. The train leaves at 10 but we said with Yuqi to be there a little earlier" he hummed, clearly approving of your plans. "How about you?"
"I am leaving the day after tomorrow. We said with the guys to hang tomorrow evening" This time it was your turn to humm in approval. Some time out with his friends would do him good. He was way too couped up in his house.
"What are you doing for the holidays?" You wondered as you opened up a bottle of coke as well. The less your fridge had for the holidays the better. You still could recall the horrifying smell of the food that had gone bad while you were away visiting your family. Never again.
"Probably, I will just stay home. I talked with Jeongin- You don't know him.."he trailed off once he remembered.
"Baby faced with dimples?" You asked, reaching for the glasses.
He wordlessly nodded as he took a step closer and pulled them down for you.
"Thanks. I have seen him around"you confirmed, turning to him.
"Where?" He asked, doubtful.
"With you. Around the school. You know I see many people on a regular basis"you joked, recalling the faces that pasted through the store today and you shuddered.
"I guess. Anyways, we said that maybe... we can take a trip to go skiing" he said, absentmindedly as he grabbed the full plate and walked towards your couch. He set the plate down only to unravel your bed, which you had previously set. For a moment you stood there watching him in your space. He didn't ask where to sit like the first time. He had been here by now multiple times and you found yourself liking this intimacy. Him at your space.
When you didn't reply he turned towards you with one eyebrow raised. So you shook yourself out of the daydream you had and replied something like 'you will only hurt yourselves'
You quickly settled down beside him on your bed, searching for a calm movie to watch. Through a hasty search and your displeasure with the lack of good movies, you selected Lilo & Stitch, which you absolutely adored. You expected whines and arguments from your company, but only silent greeted you as the movie started. You looked over at him, only iluminated by your laptop's light and had an absurd thought.
You would miss him during the holidays.
The next morning you were running in the cold streets, alongside Yuqi. Running with all your might, although exhausting, managed to secure you spots on the second running train of the day. Your journey was calm and quickly you parted ways with Yuqi, strolling towards the opposite direction. Your dad and your grandparents welcomed you warmly into your house and all together you sat until the early evening simply catching up.
The rest two days you were spent in a relaxing state, you were simply sleeping and talking with your family. The third day you caught up with some old friends. Some you hadn't seen since forever, so it felt good to know they were doing well and some you still regularly contacted, so you were more aware of their news.
As you were walking back, your friends came in mind. What was Yuqi doing? Was Yuna well? Ryunjin got back safe from her trip to her boyfriend? How about Wooyoung and Jisung? Were they out there causing trouble? ...How about Seungmin?
You fumbled with your phone for a bit, before unlocking it. You strolled through your contacts before briefly stopping above his name.
You bit into your lower lip before locking your phone. You would be a bother. You didn't really talk the last days, besides the occasional meme you sent. It would be weird to call him all of a sudden, wouldn't it?
Your phone suddenly rang and you nearly jumped out of your skin. You quickly turned your phone over and a gasp left you. The screen displayed the name, that you couldn't bring yourself to call just now. You accepted the call straight away.
"Hey Y/N" he greeted quietly.
"Hey Seungmin"you shyly greeted back, unsure what to say now that you were on the line with him. "How have you been?"
"Good, good. My parents stuffed me with as much food as they could. I made plans with Jeongin this weekend as well."
"Mmm your ski trip. Sounds wonderful! My dad had a feast for me as well. I am just now returning from an outing with friends." You said as you walked further down the familiar street.
"Am I interrupting you?" He asked as the thought just dawned on him.
"No! No, I am just walking home. Actually I wanted to call too. I was wondering what you were up to" you shyly admitted, not knowing if it was okay for you to do that. Your nerves soon calmed at his response.
"Me too. I just stayed at home today. Watched a baseball game."
"Yeah, dad was watching too when I left" you giggled, amused to hear him grumble at his team defeat.
And so the calls continued for the next 2-3 days.
And one day calls turned into a video calls. He was only exploring the app and by chance called you, he said. You didn't complain, you just sat and humored him, but imagine your surprise when the video call invitation popped up.
Here you were today laying on your bed, trying to do math and you had mostly.. completed them, when you stumbled upon a problem you couldn't quite solve. So you decided, that a call to your tutor would be required. So here you were with your hair up and flying everywhere and your pjs on, contemplating to call or not. In the end you sat up, letting your hair down and combing them swiftly before making the call. You waited for a the first beep and then for the second and third and when you were about to hung up, the call was accepted.
It was a small comfort that he was in a similar state as you. Clearly in his sleepwear, hair messy enough to match your own and face pressed against his pillow. He seemed just as cuddly as the stuffed animals you had back in the days.
"Hey"you whispered into your screen.
"Hey"he replied, sounding sleepy.
"If I called at a bad time I can.." you trailed off, suddenly regretting your choice. You should have checked the time or send a message ahead.
"No, I was just watching a movie. What's up?" He sat up and stretched to get rid of the stiffness in his body.
"I was doing math and I am stuck on this one problem." You mumbled, embarrassed.
"Look at you! Doing your homework!" He chuckled, making you roll your eyes "Let me see" you shifted your camera towards the notebook on your bed. The explanation was brief and quite simple, much to your surprise, but instead of hanging up you ended chatting casually. Only when he made himself more comfortable on his bed, you saw the background. "Is that you on the photos?" You asked, trying to cran your neck to see better.
He paused for a moment before confirming your guesses with a nod.
"Can I see?" You interjected excitingly.
He slowly turned the camera towards his desk. A photo of him in a baseball suit adored your screen. He would be about ten,smiling brightly to the camera, or you guessed, his parents, proudly holding his bat. In the next he was in the arms of his parents, clearly celebrating his second birthday, judging by the number on that cake. And in the third he was in highschool on his sides Minho and the black haired boy that you vaguely recognized as Jeongin. He wasn't smiling full on the last one, a small smile adored his face.
"You were so cute!" You exclaimed, laughing. You couldn't see his face as he hadn't turned the camera yet but you knew he would be scoffing at you. "Don't you have more photos?"
"A few.." Short it was the reply and his tone anxious but that didn't fazed you in the slightest.
"Show me" you demanded, making yourself comfortable.
And so, he did show the few ones he had in his room. He even ventured into to his living room to show the bigger pictures his parents had hung up. Once again in the safety of his room, you were gussing over his photos
"You really were a beautiful child!"you teased him.
"Yeah. Right" he scoffed and paused for a bit. He met your stare through the camera and immediately lowered it as he softly spoke again. "You know my schoolmates used to tease me a lot. Not really bullying, but.. they would say-" he paused as if he said too much.
The cheery atmosphere shifted. His uncomfortable state wasn't something that sat right with you. It felt wrong to see such a level headed person being anxious over sharing his past experiences. You bit your lip, wondering if you should let it go or encourage him to talk to you. A look at his lowered head had you gently speaking words of encouragement. "If you wanna talk about it, I will listen"
He raised his head and looked at you. He was thinking hard about this, but after a good look at you, he signed and continued his story. "They would call me mouth-monster or ugly. I had braces when I was younger, as you saw." You had thought they were adorable. Why would they tease him about something as simple as this?
"They didn't really continued it for long. Only a couple of months. Maybe a year top. But..you know. Later, I learned Minho threatened them to stop. And who saw Minho and wasn't scared of him. I really own him one" He let out a humorless laugh.
He was trying to talk about it as if it didn't bother him, as if he was untouchable and it broke your heart a little. He was facing down again, not really looking at you so you coed him gently.
"That's why I went into the dentist care. I guess I wanted to help the kids that were like me. Maybe if I was told earlier I wouldn't have to wear them and-..." He looked at you from underneath his lashes. "Maybe if I had been told that I have a beautiful smile more often, it would have been better.. different"
You could only look at the boy in front of you, your heart breaking at his soft admission. He only wanted someone to tell him he's beautiful. And damn you, if you didn't!
"Seungmin I think you were beautiful as a child. And I think you are even more beautiful as an adult. You have a amazing smile and you are kind to talk about it as if they aren't the scum bags." That one got a laugh out of him. "Have you seen the comments on your Instagram? They were fighting over who got to have you" you joked, trying to lighten the mood.
And it worked as a flush was covering his face now and an embarrassing laugh left him. "But really shouldn't think that about yourself. You are wonderful and you should see yourself as that. You only have yourself in this lifetime. Treasure yourself, Minnie"
He looked as if he would cry for a moment, but then he smiled at you. That smile at the photo, the mega watt full smile that lit up his whole face. You couldn't keep a smile off your own face.
"My eyes! I am blinded by beauty!" You cried and flang yourself out of the screen.
"Y/N!!" Giggles left your phone, showing Seungmin also yeeting himself out of the screen. You layed down and brought the phone closer to your face. He mimicked your stance and the conversation flowed down on more easy paths.
"Don't you have your own home?!" You asked incredulously as your video call was answered once again by none othe than Jeongin himself.
"I can say the same for you, Noona! Don't you have other..friends to call?" He said with a pause full of meaning, his foxy eyes almost staring you down. You felt the blood rush to your face at his words and sure enough you were red.
"Seungmin!" You called again in hopes of catching his attention.
"Mmm" he mumbled mid bite, his mouth and fingers stained from the chips he was munching on. He briefly looked over to you before returning his gaze back to the screen.
"Did you really call me to watch Brooklyn 99 together?" You asked, amused by the boy with the stuffed cheeks in your screen.
"Yeah! Now shhhh! We're missing the best part!" He whined, pointing to the tv you couldn't see.
You laughed at him but turned on your laptop and went with it.
The morning air was biting you in the ass.
The crispy winter morning wasn't tolerable at all and if only your dad didn't drug you here for your morning holiday tradition, you would be happily sleeping away the cold. But here you were with a basket on your hands and trailing behind him, half awake.
"What gift should we buy for grandma and grandpa?" He wondered as he inspected a pink wooly shawl.
"Probably something for the winter would be good. You know they get cold easily." You thought out loud, inspecting the shawl as well. It seemed warm and you adored the color.
"Should we?" He asked back just as unsure. Your grandparents never asked for anything for the holidays. They always accepted their gifts, whatever they were, with a smile and the familiar line of 'it was exactly what I wanted'. You snorted to yourself, they were too nice to tell you that you weren't cut out for gift buying.
Suddenly as you rounded an other corner of the market, a stall caught your attention. The stall was full of baseball merchandise. But what caught your attention was a cap. It had the SK Wyverns logo on it and it was a nice shade of dark blue. For some reason, you saw it and immediately thought of Seungmin and how well it would fit him.
You didn't know you stopped walking until you heard your dad calling you. You snapped your head towards him, sheepishly and turned your attention back on the cap. You called the shop owner over and asked for a prize. It was a reasonable price, that's why you were buying it. Besides you had bought some gifts for the others, it would sadden him not to receive anything.
Your dad was quiet during the whole exchange, but you felt him figgeting beside you and working his courage to speak up. You wish he wouldn't.
"So who is the lucky guy
But he did.
"No one, just my friend."
"Hmm. You have a friend"
"Daaaad!" you whined, clearly not wanting to continue talking about it. But the old man paid you no mind and continued his 'investigation'.
"So when did you meet?"
You let out a breath. He wasn't letting it go. "He is my tutor. We met in the beginning on the semester. I was failing and-"
"You are failing?" He asked shocked. He turned towards you, alarmed and worried.
"I WAS falling. Keep up, dad. Seungmin helped me raise my grades back up."
He wasn't in a good state to hear anything right now "Honey we have talked about this. If you are having troubles with school, you tell me. I know you said you wanna work but if this is too much for you.. You don't have to work-"
"I have to work. How else can I support myself?" you cut him off, facing forward. You had strayed from the market paths and you were now walking to your truck.
"Excuse me? You say that as if I don't support you! Y/N we said that, if it compromise with your studies you would -"
"You said! I didn't said anything!" You talked back, already feeling the blood rushing to your head.
"Y/N!" He roared, taking you by surprise. Dad never yelled. He must be extremely furious to raise his tone like that. But right at this moment you couldn't force yourself to care, as you were in a similar state. "Do you have to be that damn stubborn all the time! We have talked about this! I didn't agree to you working in the first place! You-! Ugh! You still did! But! But this! This is taking things too far!" He spit on your face, his face growing redder and redder by the minute.
"You can barely manage here! How can you manage me too?!"you were both shouting at this point, anger taking over.
He took a step away from you, breathing heavily from his nose. You did the same catching your breath, your eyes were misty and you hated that. So you turned to the truck you had unconsciously reached, placed your things inside and stepped back. You turned to your father, who was stomping his way to the driver's seat and told him sharply "I will go and see if I can buy something for grandma and grandpa. I will see you at home"
You didn't expect an answer, you simply closed the door (albeit with a little more force than necessary) and disappeared into the crowd.
You wandered quite a bit, passed stalls and merchants as they shouted loudly to be heard over the others. You stopped in a few stalls to inspect some things that catch your fancy, but with your temples throbbing and your teeth still gritted on anger, you couldn't appreciate them right. So you wandered aimlessly across the market some more, until you grew tired and cold. You knew a place, where they sell the most amazing hot chocolate you've ever tasted and it was near the market so you headed there. It was a small shop, colours of yellow, green and white blended all together to create a childlike atmosphere that seemed to make you lighter when you headed in. You ordered your hot chocolate and sat at the window, trying to calm down.
Theoretically, you knew that your dad cared for you and that's why he told you to quit and pay attention only to school, but he would't be able to afford to pay for everything. You wanted to be able to go out and party with your friends without worrying if the money would be enough. You wanted to lighten the amount of rent your dad paid and help him around the house too. Help with your grandparents' meds and expenses too.
You signed and took out your phone to check the hour. 11:45 pm. It was still early for your next bus.
You unlocked your phone and played with it for a bit, before checking your messages. Yuqi and Yuna had replied to your last message and you had been sent memes by Wooyoung and.. Seungmin? You opened the message and saw it was a mathematical meme. Classic Seungmin. You laughed and called his number before realizing. When he answered after the first beep, you were shook out of your stupor.
"Hello?" He called "Y/N?"
"Hey. Yeah, it's me" you whispered shallowly. Why did you even call?
"What's up?" He asked.
"Nothing.. Nothing much! I just..wanted to chat" you said, not really knowing what to say. "Sorry I didn't know you were busy. I will talk-"
"It's okay. We just arrived with Jeongin to the rooms and we would take a rest anyway."
"Ohh right. You went skiing this weekend. How is it?" You asked as you nursered the rest of your chocolate.
"It's nice! The snow is thick enough so we can go skiing tomorrow" he exclaimed, clearly excited to slide through the snow and down the hill.
"Tell Jeongin to take videos of you falling. I need something to laugh at" you teased him lightly, still watching the busy market out of the window.
"..Y/N? Are you okay?" He asked quietly, probably sensing you weren't in the best mood. After months together when you didn't talk his ear off it was a red flag, you supposed.
"Mmm. Everything's fine" you replied.
Silence greeted you on the other side of the line and then. "If you wanna talk about it, I will listen"
A snort left you. "Gosh, I hate when you throw my words back to me" He laughed along with you trying to lighten up your mood. "Annoying isn't it?"he asked, still laughing.
"Yeah..it is" you paused briefly, but the need to tell him made you open your mouth again. "I had a fight with my dad." It was quiet for a moment, only the rustle of the bed as he sit up was heard.
"About?" He wondered.
"He found out that I was doing bad at math. He said to stop working and focus on school." You played with your cup, twirling it around in your now warm hands. People were slowly filling the store, but the seats around you remained empty.
"Okay" he dragged the word, trying to select his words carefully "And why did you fight?"
"It's just...money is tight, dad is struggling to make meet's end and pay for my grandparents' expenses. I am on scholarship and if I fail, it would only be more money-" you couldn't complete your sentence as tears choked you up.
Gosh you hated this.
You didn't like to cry. And there you stood, in a crowded shop, your only company your phone with tears streaking down your face.
He on the other line was panicking, never heard you cry this easily before. "Hey! Hey! Don't cry! Take a big breath for me."
And you listened to his instruction. You gulped as much air as you you could "Good. Good. Take more breaths for me" he coaxed you.
Breath in.
Breath out.
You continued breathing, calming yourself enough.
"Ok?" He asked, uncertain.
"Yeah..I just.. don't wanna be a burden to him. I wanna help. If I have a job that means one less worry for him. It isn't easy, I don't want to work all the time. I wanna have fun but I can't be a burden to him, Seungmin." you sniffled. It was as simple as that.
"You are not a burden-" he started, but you cut him off ready to go at it.
"I am! I am a burden to you too! I made you agree to this deal! I had a lot to win, you didn't. I am burdening you-" you swallowed back a sob. Your throat was clogging up again and some costumers where starting looking your way.
"Y/N. You are not a burden. Don't say that" he pleaded, starting to sound upset as well.
You paused, gathering your thoughts, trying to explain to him in a more effective way.
"You asked me before why I was in marketing... It's always needed. You always need to sell a product. If you always need to sell, I would always be needed, so I will always have a job and income" you quietly said.
You were simple really. You were a little greedy, a little chatty and sometimes over confident for no good reason.
"Y/N listen to me. You are not a burden. You knew how to make a deal. You gave me a solution. If you were cruel about it, you could have told everyone but you didn't. You care about your father and don't want to weight him down. You are working hard and at your own expense, you are struggling. You are a good daughter and a good friend. And for what matters, I am glad I met you. You encourage me to try new things, that I wouldn't dare to try. I don't want you to think bad of yourself." He instructed you. He made everything you did sound like a noble act, it couldn't be so far from it.
You moved the phone slightly away from your face and sniffled quietly. A new bunch of tears were wetting your face, sobs racked your body and at this point you were panting for breath. He had really moved you. And even though you knew he was saying some of those things because you were a little sad, you decided to enjoy the comfort and question yourself later. It made you feel a little better all the same.
"Thank you" you got out.
"Your welcome." He replied right away "Y/N can you take some more breaths for me please? Where are you now?" He asked. Was he concerned? He sounded frustrated enough and like he was pacing up and down on his room.
"Out. We came to the market with dad. He..left but I have a little more shopping to do." You sheepishly replied, leaving the walking away from the car incident out of the conversation. You already over shared.
"You should head home and talk with your dad. And call me after. Okay?" The pacing had seized and a loud thud was heard maybe as he landed on the bed.
"Okay.." you said slowly, now more in control of your breathing "You sent me pictures of your trip, okay?" It would be wonderful to see something as pretty as the snowy mountain.
"Okay" he mumbled more quietly now, as if he was being heard. Maybe Jeongin come in. "Talk to you later" he said and you half- heartly bid him goodbye.
The ride home was a long one. You thought over and over what to say to your dad. You were a bit cruel and you exaggerated a lot. An apology should be the first thing that leaves your mouth, you concluded.
As you neared the door, it flew open revealing your very worried dad. He looked trousled, his hair (or whatever was left of it anyway) was messy as if he run his hands relentlessly, his face was flushed as he was crying.
"Dad what-?" Was all you managed to get out, before you were cradled into his arms. He didn't talk, just squeezed you harder. A sound like a sniffle was heard and just as you made to question it, you were drugged on the inside.
"Dad?"you questioned, standing still. He was pacing back and forth now right in front of you in the middle of your living room. "Dad!" You exclaimed successfully catching his attention. "I am sorry"
He looked at you before engulfing you between his arms again. "No, baby. I am sorry" And with that sentence it was like he opened up the gates and tears welled up in your face.
"I didn't want to be a burden! You have so- so much going on h-here! And! And I was t-trying to do w-what I can on my own" you sobbed. Your nose was blocked and your voice wobbled as you tried to get the point across.
Just then hands cradled your face making you meet his eyes. "Baby..you are not a burden. It is my duty as your father to provide for you. You don't have to think about money all the time. I am here for you"
Hearing those words you broke down again in the safety of his arms, your troubles seemed so little and insignificant. For now you could be a little vulnerable and less tough.
Hours later, you were freshly bathed and in bed, ready to go to sleep when your phone rang. You reached over to your desk to grab it. Only to see a familiar name flashing across your screen.
"Hey Minnie" you whispered.
"Hey.. how are you? You.. didn't call so I... yeah" It was quiet on his end, he should be in his room by now, tired from the day's activities but he still made the effort to call you. You felt grateful you had met such good people.
"I am good. We talked about everything. Maybe I will cut back a few days to relax and study a bit more." You said as you cuddled into the bed, the emotional day finally catching up with you. You felt your eyes drop, but you willed them to open up again.
"That's good. You should rest more. You deserve it" he replied back, tone gentle. You weren't used to hearing him like that. Sweet and gentle.
"Seungmin.. thank you. It means a lot to me that you called"you said quietly. Hoping you weren't dumping much on him.
Quiet was all you heard through the line for a bit and then "I wanted too. I wanted to comfort you as you did to me the other day. I don't talk much about that time and it felt.. good...that the first thing you said to me about that period ,where I was not in a good state..it was that my smile was shinning"
You smiled. For some reason, hearing you made him feel lighter and happy made you lighter in return. It always did for some reason. All the times that he did things out of his comfort zone, all the times he followed along with your schemes, everytime he smiled at you and comforted you. You liked it..
You liked him.
You blinked twice at the sudden though. You liked him?
Your first thought about the guy was that he was way too stuck up and insufferable to get along with. Where did all this came from? Maybe from all the times he cared, when you twisted your leg, when he cared for you when you were drunk, when you silently sat at your home and watched dramas, when he came by the coffee shop to sit with you.
Ohh. You were officially fucked.
"Y/N?"
His voice pulled you out of your daydream. Face completely flushed at this point, lips bitten to shreds and eyes wide you only could stare at your phone.
"Y-Yeah! I-I was looking for my charger! This thing always runs out of battery" you explained, thankful for once for your ability to lie easily.
"Maybe if you didn't spent all of your day on your phone the battery would be okay" he teased, trying to get a reaction out of you. And he got it
"Hey!" you whined loudly to your speaker. But the only response was his giggles, that warmed your heart a little more. Suddenly you didn't want to got off the phone, you want to hear him speak idly about his day and poke fun at you. So you asked just that and as if he was thinking the same he eagerly spoke.. It was well into the morning when you hang up, your heart lighter than ever and a silly smile plastered onto your face, even in sleep.
Fifteen days passed before you could even blink.
The cheery homey atmosphere at home, the meetings with your friends and the calls with Seungmin filled your day to the brim.
Yesterday was the first shift of the year. It was lovely to see all your coworkers and friends together again. Your boss, being the generous woman that she was, had prepared gifts for everyone. You had been gifted a black ribbon that served as a hair tie. It was adorable. And a discreet reminder to tie your hair during work hours.
your hair during work hours.
Now you stood before the library, waiting at your usual spot for Seungmin, with your own gift in your hands. The cap was nothing much and you were sure it wasn't even original, but along with the pair of blue mittens and a scarf, you hoped they were enough.
You eyed the people coming.
No sign of Seungmin yet.
A quick glance at your phone told you, it was a minute past your agreed time so you would let it slide. You busied yourself by replying to some texts from Hong Joong and Ryunjin, when you felt a presence behind you. With a quick glance, you found yourself looking straight into a pair of chocolate eyes.
You yelped from the surprise and the closeness. "Kim Seungmin!" You barked, hands coming to clutch your heart. Furious giggles greeted you in return. You looked up to see him, the two weeks apart treated him good. He seemed refreshed and lively, who knows what kind of mischief he had caused along with Jeongin. You instinctively reached up and slapped away his hand, that was covering his smile. He didn't dodge your efforts, letting himself be hit.
"Hello" he said when his giggles seized.
"Hi"you got out.
He looked even cuter on person, was your first thought. You mentally slapped yourself. Come on Y/N! You have known him since October! You were together almost every day since mid October! Those were the rose tinted glasses people talked about. "How was your break?"
"As you don't know" he said, rolling his eyes. "We have been talking almost everyday" he quoted and starting walking towards the double doors of the library.
"Wait!" You yelped, clutching nervously his gift. You were beginning to sweat purposefully and you felt way beyond yourself. "I...um..I got you this!" You thrusted the cute bag in front of you, body all stiff.
He cocked his head to the side and walked over to where you stood. Gingerly he reached for the bag, opening it gently as you would take it away from him. Slowly a smile spread on his face, he looked up briefly to you and then down again on his gift. He took it out and wore it, with a proud smile on his face. "How do I look?" He asked, turning his head from right to left so you can see him from all the possible angles.
"Adorable" you teased, now at ease. Blue suited him, you thought and you told him so, your words bringing a pretty flush on his ears. He then cleared his throat and began searching in his backpack. After a beat, his hands come up clutching a small white bag. With a embarrassed smile, he extended the bag to you.
"I guess we had the same thought" he explained, looking over your head before fleetingly meeting your eyes. You felt a warm feeling spreading over your body as you gazed from him to your gift. You sent a big toothy smile his way before taking the bag and taking a look inside. Inside the bag sat a smaller bag made of tulle, which contained the most beautiful pair of earrings you had seen. A dangly thing it was. A single pink cherry blossom sat, where you supposed your lobe would be and from it three almost invisible chains ran down, petals sprinkled over the chains. You loved them.
"Thank you Seungmin. I love it" you said, tucking it safely back into the box.
He smiled at you and shaked his head. "It just reminded me of you. Shall we?"he asked, pointing at the building behind you.
"We shall" you answered.
The next few days were a dream.
You all came back, hang out, had multiple night outs and had been having a blast.
You hadn't noticed how Seungmin had warmed himself up in your daily routine. You met almost daily, his friends always lurked around the cafe, either because they were working in it (insert Jisung) either because they enjoyed the place. You had officially met Jeongin, who you always chatted with on your video chats with Seungmin, but never actually met. He was a sweetheart and always ready to mercilessly tease the grumpy boy.
But, unfortunately, you were not the only ones that reconnected. Soojin and Seungmin reconnected. And they reconnected really good.They had been actively hanging out. Mainly on the cafe, occasionally out of it. You saw their stories and how they discussed where they would be going.
And you were seething.
You wondered all those past months.. how did you manage to stand this? Not only you had to watch them on your shifts, you had Seungmin telling you all about his conversations with her. On the past you had no problem, now things were...a little different. But you hadn't had the heart to tell him to stop talking. You always wanted to hear him talk about things that made him excited, even this.
Today though was your day though.
You had a new series you wanted to watch. You had prepared masks and facials you had been dying to try out. As you searched through the fridge you realized. You had forgotten the beer. Usually your fridge was fully stocked and ready to serve, but a certain non drinker (as he had called himself) had been through 5 cans of beer the last time he was here leaving you dry. As you were contemplating running a quick errand to the market down the street, your phone rung. You checked the caller, seeing exactly what you wanted.
"Seungmin! Perfect timing! We ran out of beer. Can you get some on your way here?" You asked as you filled up the bowl with your favourite barbeque pop corn.
"Y/N...I hate to do this but do you think we can .. reschedule?"he said, tone slightly off.
You assumed the worst. Seungmin was nothing if not punctual.
"Are you okay? Do you feel alright? Did something happened with Minho or Jeongin?"you stressed, hands immediately flying up to trousle your tresses.
"No! No, I.. had made plans with Soojin and I kinda mixed the days"he said, carefully.
Oh.
Of course he would prefer to spend his night with Soojin than you. You bit your lip, unsure what to do. Of course you minded. Not only it was the second time he did that to you, it was for the same person as well. But you couldn't exactly tell him that, could you? "No..I.. don't mind. Have fun" you slowly said, voice void of emotion in order not to betray your true one.
For a moment you thought that he would question you about your tone and your robotic manner, but he eventually signed. "I will make it up to you. I swear" he said.
You hummed and muttered a simple goodbye. Energy suddenly drained and with your mood bungee jumping through the floor, you decided a wine or a beer would be definitely needed after all. So you grumpily grabbed your coat and your old sneakers making a bee line to the store. You entered, greeted the cashier and taking your familiar basket to browse the selves for anything that caught your fancy. You had a couple chocolate bars in it and you were standing in front of the fridge with the alcohol when the sound of your name being called grabbed your attention.
Turning your head, you met with a two coloured head and a bright smile.
Hong Joong.
You smiled and waved him over.
"I haven't seen you since before the holidays!" He exclaimed as a greeting, crushing you into a bear hug.
"Happy New Year Joongie!" You giggled, as you took a step back. His stare fell from your face to your basket to the fridge you were currently standing in front of.
"Not so happy right now, is it?" He asked knowingly. A grimace overtook your face, not being able to lie, you nodded.
"I admit it could have gone better" you signed and then asked, half turned to him, half scanning the alcohol. "Did you finish your project?"
"Yeah! We still have a check over left, but it was all smooth sailing" he laughed, clearly at ease. You envied him. Especially now, that the exams were looming over your head with the threat of expulsion. And there was the thing with Seungmin. You know the recently discovered and one sided feelings you had for him. Your thoughts must have manifested on your face because soon he was asking what's wrong.
"My friend, to tell the story it would take a long time and alcohol" you preached, eyeing the strawberry flavored soju bottle.
"I got time" he announced, making you turn at him. You raised your eyebrows and he nodded.
"In that case what kind of soju flavor do you prefer?" You required.
After a few hours later and some (a lot) of drinks later you were okay. Your second tutor became the first one to learn of your feelings for your third one. Ironic. But Hong Joong had a calmness that made you feel perfectly at ease telling him that. He had adviced you to go for it and he had admitted he thought you guys were already dating. You had snorted at this.
You wished.
But Hong Joong was wrong. He had been right about Seungmin curling himself up and begging for mercy as he did that the very next morning. But he hadn't seen coming the next rejections.
Three weeks in and Seungmin had cancelled on you 5 times. Soojin this, Soojin that. You had grown tired of hearing how great the girl was. Not to mention insecure. She was pretty, nice, kind. What hasn't she had? And do you have?
You tried to drown your feelings and feigned empathy towards the sudden cancellations and ruined plans. But you felt heavier with every ruined outing or night in. Those 5 times were enough for your eyes to shine maliciously green. You were beyond yourself jealous and you didn't know what to do and how to act before Seungmin anymore. Maybe a little more distance would do you good, maybe you could salvage a little of your heart. Yeah, a little distance is good.
And apparently you must wear your heart on your sleeves because Seungmin caught right on. He apologized about the plans alright, but now every time you made plans you would find an excuse to avoid him. You had to go shopping with Yuqi or you had agreed to meet with Hong Joong and you couldn't cancel last minute. You even tried to cut down on your study time and that's when he knew that something was definitely wrong, after all exams were a mere 3 weeks away and you needed that time.
Ηe stepped up then.
That's why today you waiting for him in your house, practically vibrating with nervous energy. He seemed on guard when he called you. Almost awkward. But then he probably mimicked your own behavior. Your lips were bitten to shreds and your nails bloody by the time the doorbell rung. You gulped down as much air as you could and you opened the door.
And there he stood.
The cap you had gifted him on his head, black puffer jacket engulfing him and with an adorable flush on his cheeks, probably from the cold. You took a step back, inviting him in silently. He made his way into your home, now the surroundings familiar to him and plopped down to your couch. He cocked his head to the empty side of the couch, silently asking you to seat.
You made your way to him and before you could even sit on the couch, he started the interogation.
"What is going on?" He asked, always his straightforward and level headed self.
Truth or lie, that is the question. But right now lying seemed like your only ally. "What do you mean?" You asked carefully.
"I mean you are avoiding me. You are cancelling our plans. You even wanted to cancel the lessons!" His voice was steady, raising slightly at the end, making you feel even worse for a moment. And then you remembered the scene of them sitting together at the cafe, the phone call to cancel your plans and the words flew out of your mouth without your consent.
"Like you didn't do the same" you returned, a scoff leaving you.
His eyes widen at the mockery that was present in your voice, but they quickly changed, they seemed like steel now. "I cancelled on you once" he reasoned, hands coming together to grip each other tightly. "Only once"
"No, you cancelled after we already made plans once. You had been pushing around the dates that we planned and the hangouts 5 times at least! I guess that happens when you get a girlfriend" you commented, lips pulled back in a snarl, your face an menacing grimace now.
"Ohh so you can hang out with Hong Joong, but I can't hangout with Soojin" he chided, tone ice cold.
"Don't compare the two. It's totally different" you reasoned, frustration causing your voice to raise. You turned to face him fully on the couch now, he seemed as agitated as you felt. "Besides I hanged out with Hong Joong the times that you left me stranded" you spat.
He flinched at that. Head hanging low for a beat and then raising again, ready for a duel. "I like Soojin that's why I am hanging out with her. You were supposed to be happy for me. That was the deal"
It was your time to flinch at that. That was a low blow, even though he didn't know. "So why don't you go now to her?" You bitterly asked, looking away.
He sat silent for a moment. Staring at his hands. When his voice shattered the silence.
"I will confess tomorrow. That's what I wanted to tell you" he breathed, twisting his hands nervously at the thought, letting his guard down for a second.
Your heart plummeted in response to those words. It felt like an invisible hand went through your chest, grabbing your poor heart with its only purpose to rip her right out.
Your vision that stayed nailed to the faded corner of your coffee table started blurring little by little, like you were looking at the world through mist eyed lenses. You closed your eyes not wanting to let the tears escape and betray the deviation you were felling inside right at this moment.
"I guess the deal is over.. But I..I will see you around Y/N." He smiled an odd uncomfortable smile that showed the confusion he was feeling, and even though not a word come out of your mouth, he got up, gathered his things, walked to the front door and left.
Upon hearing the sound of the door closing the tears that you tried so hard to keep, were now slowly dripping down your face. Your mouth was trembling, lifting and dropping, as if it couldn't decide what expression to keep to express your sorrow better. Even breathing was more difficult now, due to the blockage in your nose. But all that wasn't what was important right now.
You were losing him.You had lost him before having a chance to tell him how you feel.
Suddenly you weren't on the sofa anymore, you were up and running. Running after him. You flew out of the door and raced towards the stairs, you didn't have time to wait for the elevator to arrive, instead you headed to the stairs. When you reached the entrance your breath was unstable and the place under your ribs hurting from the sudden work out but you paid them mo mind. You run outside, turning your head left and right trying to locate his disappearing figure. There! There he was! By the end of the street, a lone figure, coat clad and on top of his head sat a very familiar cap. Your gift to him specifically.
"SEUNGMIN!" You yelled with all your might. He heard your panicked call and turned towards you. But before he could take a step to your direction, you were already running. Running before time caught up with you.
You reached him, panting from the rally. He looked beautiful. In the middle of the street, lights hitting him just right to appear ethereal, his hoodie and black thick coat made him appear warm in the cold winter night, almost like a beacon, calling you closer. His capped head cocked slightly to his right made him more adorable as he waited for you to breath normally and tell him why you chased after him.
"I like you" you blurted out incapable of controlling your feelings anymore. "I like the way you always scold me when I do the wrong thing so I can try harder, l like when even though you pretend to be cold you are always so considerate, I like how you are always so adamant to be right and react so adorable when things don't go your way, I like how passionate you are. I like how we can be silent and watch stupid shows together. I like how you sent me every little thing you thing it's cute so you can share it with me. I like how easy are to get with, contrary to first opinions. I like how I am with you. I like who I am because of you. I like you Kim Seungmin" Tears were still filling your vision, you could now see your breath in front of you in the darkness of the night but you didn't care. You needed to tell him, you had told him and right then you felt so light like you could float away.
One look in his wide eyes though, told you that maybe you should fly away, flew the scene and most devastating of all something told you that maybe you couldn't have your chance after all.
"Y-Y/N I..I-" he tried getting out and your whole world tumbled down. "I don't know- I am not sure if I feel the same-" he could have stabbed your heart and it would hurt less than what you were feeling right now.
He doesn't know.
A new set of tears came to your eyes, but this time you were incapable of holding them in. A sob was clawing it's way out of your throat, only escaping a mere second before you slapped your hand over your mouth in order to keep it in.
"Y/N!" He exclaimed, taking a step towards you, hand raised as if to wipe your tears away, but your shaken step back stopped him. You shook your head as you took another step back. He didn't want you. Even though you told him everything.. he didn't want you. You turned around and blindly runned.
"Y/N!!Y/N wait!" He shouted after you.
Nothing stopped you though.
He didn't stop you.
An excruciating pain clawed at your chest making you blind to anything except your inner turmoil. You reached your apartment door in a pained haze, bursted in and let your sobs take over. Painful sob after painful sob racked you, making you unable to comprehend anything around you. You didn't know how much time you spent there against your front door, crying your heart out. All you knew was that you were light headed, your ears were ringing and your grip over the world was slipping.
It was exactly as you feared.
You had told him and you weren't enough to keep him.
You weren't everything he wanted.
You weren't good enough to love.
You would never be good enough.
You picked yourself up from the floor, took the remaining steps towards the sofa and slumped over it. You hadn't enough strength to fight the oblivion from taking over. The last image your mind concurred was of Seungmin-wide eyed in reaction to your confession and tears slipped down your eyes again as you finally slipped into the oblivion.
After that night you had made it your mission to avoid him at all costs.
Your shame and pettiness didn't allow anything less than that.
You had blocked both his number and his instagram, which you had crafted slowly together.
Seungmin had made several attempts to contact you ever since that night. He had come by your workplace as he had deemed the phone useless by now but you had taken a couple days off work. Not wanting to worry your father with an unexpected surprise and not wanting to be alone in your apartment, you had crashed at Yuqi's for a few days, hoping your dramatic ass wasn't too much for her. Her roommate Soyeon rolled her eyes at you for crying over a boy but joined your pity party anyways, not able to resist pizza.
With exams drawing near, you unfortunately had to study. Looking at your notebooks and books filled with Seungmin's neat handwriting you felt like they mocked you. But you had to get through this, for this stupid scholarship you made the deal, for this you broke your heart.
Eventually you had to get back to work. Your days went smoothly, you ticked in, greeted your regulars, small talked with Jisung and now you were on the front on cashier's duty. You heard the door opening and you opened your mouth automatically to greet the customer, but the sight in front of you left your mouth dry. Seungmin bursted through the door, panting as he made a bee line straight to you. He came with such strength that he collided against the counter. He looked wild, hair a mess and clothes hastily put on.
"Y/N! Where- Nevermind! I need to talk to you." He got out, hands inching over the counter to reach you.
But you took a step back and with a tone as cold as you could muster you stated "I don't have anything to talk about with you" You could do this. You spent enough days crying over him. You wouldn't cry anymore.
"Please! I have to tel-"
"Seungmin." You cut him off, staring him dead in the eye. His desperate appearance and big eyes made you crumble a little inside. "I said everything I had to say. You gave me your answer. We have nothing to talk about"
"No you don't understand. I-" he rushed his words in order to get something across, but to his bad luck and to your good one, a customer cut your conversation short.
"Excuse me? Can I order?" A unfamiliar face inquired.
"Yes, of course." You called over Seungmin's shoulder before turning to him "If you excuse me, I have work to do" you ushered him gently to the side and tried to pay him no mind.
Seungmin had made several other attempts to contact you.
You still avoided him as much as you could, but it was a bit difficult when he stood there looking at you. You tried to not talk to him while he tried to corner you. You had instructed Ryunjin to not let him near you. You would break if you did. Even now the sad looks were getting to you.
This thing was going on for a week and a half. You hadn't spoken to each other seven days now if you included the small talk by the cashier the other day. You weren't ready to hear him, you weren't ready for him to tell you that he was together and happy with Soojin while you were over here, green with envy and with a large challenge in front of you.
Exams were starting.
You weren't even there, neither mentally nor emotionally. But you had to fight it. Your scholarship depended on it.
Fake it till you make it.
So fake it tou did. You forced yourself to work on your studies. In the mist of it all, little notes had been finding their way into your things.
Don't forget the formula!
Keep on working hard!
Hope we can talk..
You had a pretty good idea on who was the writer.
And it pained you greatly. Why was he going through all this trouble. You had gotten his message and while he was being nice trying to make sure you were alright, you would rather he wouldn't. He was making this too hard on you.
He had Soojin now. All was good, right?
The truth was you hadn't seen him with Soojin,not once. The girl's visits were few now, that she had started on her finals (earlier as all the art students did), but when she appeared she had gifted you a knowing smile. A secret only she knew apparently, because you had no idea why she was looking at you like that. You didn't pointed that out, in fact you hadn't looked at her that much.
And exams rolled in.
The first three subjects were a success.. Of course you couldn't escape the dread that filled you everytime you sat behind the desk, but you had managed alright. It was manageable till now, but the big threats (maths and physics, you couldn't even utter their names!) had yet to come.
You had picked up less hours at the cafe in order to prepare yourself. You were a tutor down yet again, albeit this time a little more painful.
And finally the d-day arrived. You raised your head, shoulders pulled back.
Pens? Check.
Pencils? Check.
Water? Check.
Student ID? Check.
Note from Seungmin?... Check
The little yellow note was safely tucked in your pocket last minut,e because you couldn't bear to part with it. He had sticked to your front door last night, you showed it when you came over from work and it had moved you to tears. Gosh, you were such a crybaby now!
You knew that your conversation was long overdue. Three weeks have already passed and even though you wanted to, you couldn't bring yourself to.
But that was a problem that future Y/N had to deal with.
Now you needed your head in the game.
You had maths to do, you thought as you marched to your possible doom.
You had passed!
The endless hours, the blood, the sweat and the tears you had spilled were all worth it. Admittedly you had made it barely, but you had made it! You had made an exceptional progress on physics too, acquiring a better grade than you originally thought you would.
You were beyond happy and your immediately thought was of your beloved tutor. You should contact him, firstly to thank him and secondly for a conversation you had apparently left in the middle, what was left to say was beyond you.
You were playing with your phone currently, the contract named Puppy open and ready to be called. You bit your lips, your finger hovering above the button when a voice stopped you on your track.
Soojin.
"Hello Y/N" she pleasantly greeted, an ever lasting smile on her face.
"Soojin, hi. The usual?" You asked, not in the mood for pleasantries. You had already turned your back to the girl to make her coffee.
"To go, please" she called sweetly to you, getting a sharp nod in response. "How is Seungmin?" she asked, voice still dripping honey. You froze. While you didn't know Soojin that well, you didn't think she was the type to gloat in your face about her winning Seungmin's heart. You appeared to be wrong again.
"How should I know? Shouldn't I be asking you that?" You returned coldly, trying to hold yourself back. You were at work, you wouldn't be caught fighting like a 6-year-old for a doll you both wanted. Not that Seungmin was a price to be had. He was just as pretty as a doll thought.
"Ahh, you still didn't talk with him" she signed. You turned to place her drink of choice on the counter, ready for her to be gone. "Why are you avoiding him?" She said, head cocked to the right, making her seem all too innocent for your liking.
You almost scoffed "I don't think this is any of your business" you answered while you took her card to ring up her order.
For the first time her face turned sour and a determinated pout appeared on her face "Well I am making it my own goddamn business. We talked with Seungmin. We made everything clear. He likes you and I like Eric" she answered, sassiness dripping from her tongue this time.
What?
"What?" You voiced out loud, shock obvious on your face. Seungmin did what?
"Yeah, you know tall, blonde and handsome?" She quoted, raising her hand a ridiculous amount above her head to indicate Eric's height.
"I know how Eric is! I told him what drink you like for god's shake!" You exclaimed, teeth grinding together.
She looked like the cat who got the milk as she thanked you for that. You blinked.
"I don't understand. You and Seungmin went on so many dates" you mumbled.
She looked quite guilty this time "I already apologized to Seungmin about that. I was trying to...make Eric jealous" she admitted, her eyes focused, all of a sudden, on the coffee in her grasp.
"The photography exhibition?" You asked, dazed.
"Eric was managing a tent there" she whispered, head low.
"The movies?" You insisted.
"A girl from Computer Science had invited him! Gosh, how much I don't like her! She always made heart eyes at him!" She scoffed, sounding much like you when you cursed her in your head.
You felt your jaw slagging, mouth open whole you stared at her. Really? Seungmin liked you?
She glanced at you, seeing how you were taking it all in. "He told me he thought that he liked me. When I asked him what did he meant by 'he thought', he explained the deal to me. He seemed so happy when he talked about you, content." She smiled at you, that knowing smile she had been sending lately. "When I asked him if he perhaps liked you, he blinked and nodded. He even apologized!" She giggled and you joined too. Socially awkward and adorable as always. "He cares about you. And I think you should talk to him, Y/N" she finished.
You nodded, still dazed from all the information. She saluted you silently and walked out the door.
What Soojin said stayed with you. You weren't sure if she was being truthful or not, but you had already decided to contact him, you reasoned with yourself. At least that's what you told yourself as you send the message at 10 p.m.
You had fully expected to be left on read for days maybe even to beg him him for a small talk, so the immediate response, needless to say, surprised you. The answer left you at a total loss.
You immediately tensed up. You hadn't expected him to rush here that late. But better now than never, you guessed.
Not even twenty minutes later, there was knocking on your front door. You took a deep breath and opened your door.
And there he stood. He was panting, as if he sprinted here, his face was flushed and adorably nervous. His eyes ranked over you, taking you in the way you were doing to him right now.
You watched him for a moment too long, the weeks of not seeing him were catching up with you. He looked tired as well, he had bags under his eyes and his face was sucked in. Worry fleetingly took over you as you took a step in his direction, but the way his eyes were, so intensely, focused on you, not shying away, reminded you of your situation. Letting out a breath you took a step back, allowing him to enter your home. His eyes fell from your face momentarily as he took the step in, gently closing your door behind him.
The two of you stood there, tense and not knowing where to begin. You had said everything that you had to say, so you stood there utterly defeated. Discarded in favor of Soojin by the very boy that stood in your living room. By the very first boy that was begging to win your heart. Or do you thought. If what Soojin had said to you was true...then why reject you? Tears threatened to make an appearance (as they often did those days) but you pushed them back and sucked your cheek. "How have you been? Did you do good on your exams?" You asked, a small smile on your lips as you gestured at your couch.
He returned the awkward smile you sent him, taking a seat across you. "I am doing.. alright, I guess. I have done well in my exams. You?" He asked, pointing at you.
A bigger smile overtook your face. "We did it!" You exclaimed as you wanted to do since the morning that you learned the news. "I mean, it was a little above average but... I passed nonetheless" you cheered.
He made a grimace "A little above average?" He asked, scrunching his nose.
"What? Will you say you teached me better than that?" You inquired, lounging better in your spot, smiling all the way up to your ears.
"Will you throw me out if I say that?" He asked, head cocking to the side. His tone was a mix of sassiness and uncertainty.
You deserved that, you guessed. "No, I will not" you mumbled, not able to look into his eyes.
"Then, yes. I taught you better than that" he quoted, lightly giggling to easy up the tension. It brought a smile to your face, but you quickly sobered up.
"Why are you here, Seungmin?" You asked, plain and simple, tired.
The boy took a breath, shoulders squaring as if to ready himself "I am sorry"
A slap.
Right on your face. You swallowed your words and returned nothing, wanting to hear what he had come here to say. "I was an idiot. A moron. When you told me you..liked me, I hadn't thought about it. I mean..we ar-" he looked at the floor briefly as if willing himself to remember pointers he wrote, but he picked up when he left off shortly "We are close. We talk every day, we joke around, watch movies together. I had gotten used to you, you were an ally, a friend. I hadn't thought about you in..that light.." you turned your face away, facing the wall, a few stray tears escaping your eyes. He took notice of your state, quickly scooting over, closer to you, one hand on your arm, the other gripping feather light the place your neck and jaw connected. You raised your hands, a motion that meant to shoo him away, but he didn't budge. He stood there looking over you, worried and painfully tender.
"That was what I thought I felt. But Y/N, I don't face time my friends everyday for hours, I don't text them to remind them to study or eat, I don't have reminders to tell me to text them, I.. don't catch myself thinking they are pretty or wishing they were closer when we are watching movies..I don't dance with them and think they are beautiful and wish I could kiss them." he continued, voice quieter as he went on, the last part almost inaudible. If you weren't in front of him, almost locked in his arms, you wouldn't be able to hear him.
But you could.
And your heart was pumping so hard that you could hear it in your ears, your breath was short. You were hanging from his every word. What? What was he saying?
"I didn't ran like a madman to find a pair of earrings for them. The exact copy of the earrings they were looking at the festival..I failed at that one, but I think cherry blossoms suit you better anyway" he breathed, a low laugh escaping him. How he could remember that was beyond you. Had he always paid that much attention to you?
"I don't go mad when I don't talk to them for a few days" he whined, clearly embarrassed if the flush on his face and ears said something. "I don't beat myself up for hesitating to return their feelings" he finished.
That was a confession? "What then?What am I, Seungmin? What am I to you?" You challenged, looking him straight at the eyes. Yours reflected resolution and a fiery temper, his.. reflected guilt and affection, that much you could read, but also pain and hopefulness.
He took a shaky breath and dived in, sealing his lips over your own. You stood frozen for a moment, Seungmin overtaking all of your senses. All you could smell was his manly and wonderful cologne, all you could taste was the mint on his lips and an essence, so clearly him you couldn't explain otherwise. All you could feel were his soft hands clasping you affectionately, his plush lips on your, his eyelashes tickling you gently. All you saw, before closing your eyes, was fluffy hair and his beautiful face coming closer. You got lost in the moment, reciprocating the kiss before your mind could talk you out of it. You reached up, waving your hands into his soft hair, bringing him closer. Your mouth opened, inviting him in and pressed yourself complete onto him, wanting to fell him touch every inch of you. You kissed him fiercely, with a passion, he gladly returned. You felt him draping himself around you, holding you desperately and with a passion you hadn't expected to show to your person.
All you now was that you were experiencing pure bliss. You didn't want it to end.
You didn't know how much time you were kissing, tasting each other eagerly, having gotten lost at the feelings but eventually you had to part to get some air inside of you. You didn't exactly separate, he retreated just enough so he can rest his forehead against yours. You could feel his breath in your mouth, that was also covered in the taste of him. You opened your eyes to look at him, seeing him already gazing adoring at you. And then he spoke.
'I like you" he stated confidently. Face flushed, lips even more kissable than before and eyes alit. "You never were just a friend in my mind. I just...I never have been in a serious relationship..I didn't know what I was supposed to be looking for. But when they asked me what I wanted and I started describing, I realized I was describing you, Y/N" he whispered, nusling closer to your face. The proximity was driving you crazy and his words was making it worse. It was all too much to take in at once.
"Soojin" you mumbled, the close distance between your faces allowing him to hear you. "What about her? You said you like her" you mewled, pained. The same guilty feeling resurfaced on his face again and his hands tightened around you.
"I am so so sorry" he nearly sniffled. As soon as you heard the little sniffle, alarms went off inside your head and you immediately drew closer, hiding your face on the crook of his neck, arms tenderly patting him for comfort. You felt him rest his head on top of yours and nussle his face in your hair. "I thought I did. I hadn't thought about the chance that you.. I didn't know what I was feeling and God-" he took a big breath and started again "I thought I liked her, but when you confessed, don't get me wrong I was super surprised but I couldn't get you out of my mind, so I told her. And it ended up being alright because she-"
"Likes Eric. I know" you completed.
"How?" He asked.
You crewed your neck back in order to see him better and gave him a small smile. "She came over at work. She spilled everything. And for the matter, I think they look cute together."
"Hey! Are you calling me ugly?!" He protested lightly, hands tickling you and making you let out loud giggles.
"Stop!" You shrieked, burrowing yourself deeper in his arms. He did and hugged you tighter in return. "I think you look cuter with me" you cheekily murmured squished against his neck.
He laughed briefly and slowly he unwinded himself from around you. You immediately missed his warmth.
"I am so sorry for all of this" he got out, guiltily. "I have made a mistake. A stupid one. And ..and if you take me back I promise not to make the same ones again. I promise to listen to you and try to express myself more...I.."he trailed off, unsure what else to promise you. You quietly giggled to yourself.
You liked him too much to hold it over him. You liked him too much for you own good.
So you smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck again. He immediately cradled you near, not missing the chance to hold you.
"You promise to never make the same mistake again? And talk to me instead of mumbling nonsense?" You inquired, your hands reaching up to cradle his face gently. He closed his eyes for a moment in tot bliss, before snapping them open and nodding.
"I promise" he stated.
"And you must promise to do what I ask of you" you pouted, dragging the words out, now in a playful mood.
But he eagerly nodded his head, taking your every request without complains. "I promise"
"Even when I ask you to go photoshooting with me?" You wondered, eyes scanning him. But he easily let out a giggle, nodded before ducking to kiss your nose, setting off butterflies in your stomach. You pressed your lips together in order to seal a smile before continuing.
"Even when I ask you to watch boring dramas with me?" You asked, eyebrows raising, remembering his distain in your pickings.
"Mmhhmm"he let out easily, as his eyes swept over you with literal stars sprawled over them.
"Even when the Wyverns are on and you wanna see them?" You mischievously asked, beaming up at him. He chuckled, drawing you closer than ever, not an inch separating your bodies.
"Even then" he agreed, content with you in his arms.
"You got yourself a deal then" you said, cheekily, peaking up at him. He opened his eyes at the sound of that, meeting your gaze, full of intent and tenderness. Now affection and playfulness twirled in his own eyes, so much in contrast with the cold boy that you had met all those months ago.
"Deal" he said, reaching down to seal this deal with a press of our lips.
#stray kids#stray kids kim seungmin#Stray Kids Kim Seungmin fanfic#Stray kids Kim Seungmin scenarios#kim seungmin#bang chan#lee minho#seo changbin#hwang hyunjin#han jisung#lee felix#stray kids x reader#yang jeongin#stray kids imagines#stray kids reactions#stray kids recs#kim seungmin x reader#kim seungmin x you#kim seungmin x y/n#kim seungmin fanfic#kim seungmin angst#stray kids bang chan#stray kids lee minho#stray kids seo changbin#stray kids hwang hyunjin#stray kids han jisung#stray kids yang jeongin#skz#skz scenarios#skz seungmin
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Prospects and Peonies Update
Me: I'm gonna do monthly updates! Narrator: That was in fact a lie. SOOO it's been a hot minute and a lot of things have been happening in my personal life, which meant my updates were well. *crickets* I wasn't too worried about it mainly because I'm not in full development of P&P it's just currently a side project. When it is upgraded to centre stage updates will be more regular. That's all to say I have been slowly chugging along with P&P
So what is the current stage of the project. Common route: 90% done - Approx 31.5k This was 100% done but then I felt like it needed another day for pacing so I wrote that in for the character's route I was working on and will need to flesh out those scenes for the other 3 LIs.
First Route: 50% Done - Approx 17.5K I was very excited to hit 50% of the first characters route.
Other Routes: Not officially started I have outlines and scene breakdowns but I don't count any of that towards my total word count. Current Word Count: 50k - So just under 30% written.
Writing Rambles
How did I decide which character route to write first? I'm going in alphabetical order, it's easier for me in terms of practicality.
How long do I expect the routes to be? I'm currently estimating 35k per route but that is subject to change as I draft it. That puts the game at approx 170k
How much branching do I expect the routes to have? I'm currently sitting around 30% branching on the common route and that's kinda the goal. What does that mean? That approx 30% of the writing is conditional in each route. Meaning you won't see it on every playthrough of that route. I'm not sure how much that will translate over into the routes. I should update my spreadsheet and find out. Say tuned.
Anyway, I'm still slowly making progress. I'm hoping to have the first route's draft and complete common route finished during Qtr 2 of this year.
Talk to you soon.
#Prospects and Peonies#amare game#visual novel#otome game#romance game#updates#in development#interactive fiction
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how many words does the average playthrough have?
There's no real easy way to answer this because. unlike ChoiceScript, Twine only offers total word count including the code. However, what I got from literally just... copying and pasting the text into another word document, it works out to ~15k per playthrough.
Some choices I made:
Only clicked on the first choices of everything, except for if it put me into an infinite loop. This essentially went through every possible scene (though not all its variations due to personality and skill differences) because the choices are structured in a way that exiting out of a dialogue branch was the last option.
Clicked on every available looking link and counted every looking passage
Only counted one line per customization (only black hair, brown eyes, compact body type, but didn't count anything for skin tones)
Did not count the text in the choices at all (the ones with stars)
Did not count anything in the codex or profile at all
Counted each description for the skills once.
Didn't include the text from the very beginning, tooltip text from distinctive features, or anything while picking pronouns
My approximate guess is that the true word count of the game without coding may be ~35k (30% deducted from word count with code), so perhaps one playthrough without using the back button to peek at other options may be enough to see about half of it all!
Thanks so much for asking 💕💕
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i won't lie.... i may or may not open up tumblr every hour or so just to stalk your page (this is insane i need to stop).
how long does it take you to write every chapter/part of phantasmagoria??? or just fanfictions and works in general. or maybe every 10k words,,,, whatever's easiest to estimate the time for
CAUSE YOU WRITE SO MUCH OMG?????????????? it's insane (in such a good way) also is phantasmagoria j 3 parts or more? epilogue? or.... > . < i'm curious so so curious
i wanna swear off of fanfiction after you're doing w phantasmagoria but I STILL WANNA READ TWAHM AND SEASONS IN LOVE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH maybe i should block tumblr x-x my obsession is insane
THANK YOU ALWAYS FOR WRITING :DD it felt so weird stalking your page/spotify playlists without interacting so uhm here's an ask and a notice that you might have an influx of comments on your posts. or none. depending on if i cut myself off of this addiction!!!!!
TYTYTYTYTYTYT FOR WRITING it's genuinely so beautiful i wanna steal it HOW DID YOU GET SO GOOD AT WRITING IMA LEAVE NOW HAVE A GOOD NIGHT AND DAY
aww thank you!
I mean, as a writer, I obviously don't want you to swear off fanfiction lol, BUT I get it. You've gotta do what's best for you!
Phantasmagoria is my first 3-part fic, so Part III is currently being written, and it will feature an epilogue (y'all aren't prepared, I just KNOW it). It will probably be about as long as the other two parts (bringing the grand total word count to around 35k words).
To answer your question about how long it takes me to write -- it really depends, lol. I write in short bursts (usually when I have a few minutes), and write on my phone. It depends on what I'm writing, too. For example, I wrote Veneration in 20 minutes while I was at the starbucks drive-thru. I wrote Part 2 of Tell Me to Stop (Kyojuro) in about 2-3 days (that was 16.5k words).
I've had blurbs written for Phantasmagoria since June (well before I announced it), BUT I spent about 6 hours this past weekend filling in the gaps. Part II was probably the part I had the most content already written for. I could probably have done it from scratch in about the same amount of time, if I sat down and wasn't interrupted. Part 3 is arguably the one I've had the least amount completed, and right now, it's sitting at about 5k words, and I would say I'm only halfway done, if that.
However, for me, banging out a 10k+ word fic in a day is child's play -- BUT that's because I'm in a profession where 90% of my job is writing, and writing fast. I've churned out full, 25-page legal briefs in a matter of hours, with full citations. In college, I wrote a 30-40 page research/policy paper a week. Same in law school. It's just second nature to me at this point.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate it, and I appreciate the time it takes for you to read my nonsense. Sending you my undying love!
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Writing Update
I haven't done one in ages, so here we go.
The Truth Teller
I've typed up all of my handwritten notes, resulting in 14.4k words out of the planned 100k (+/- 5k). That puts my inciting incident around the 15% mark, which is nice. Still, the words are coming much more reluctantly than I thought they would, and there's something about the gritty setting that makes me not want to write it every single day.
Another part that was blocking me was awareness that the pacing was off. I found a way of shuffling some events around them mid point and bringing the main POV characters together sooner, and I think this works much better - which translates to more motivation. Yay!
The Truth Teller taglist (please message me to +/-): @faelanvance @iced-ginger-tea @mrbexwrites @tisiphonewolfe
Gifts of Fate
I keep gushing out about my wonderful beta readers, but have another massive THANK YOU💜 I plan to implement the feedback by the end of October, and I think it might be ready for querying then? The biggest change that's needed is rewriting one chapter. Previously it was a character filling in the gang on some events through dialogue, but I want to see how it works if it's from the character's POV and we watch it happen. Other changes include streamlining some conversation, better explanation/foreshadowing of a couple of details, and removing references to an unnecessarily complicated organisational detail. It really feels like the end is in sight.
Days of Dusk taglist (please message me to +/-): @acertainmoshke @another-white-hole @iced-ginger-tea @poetinprose
The Prince's Shadow (Days of Dusk book 2)
Unless I somehow make the words for TTT flow reliably, I intend for this to be my NaNoWriMo project - rewriting the last draft to be in line with my current style and with the events of Gifts of Fate (because I wrote it before the prequel like a genius). All the planning work is done, much like it was for GoF, so I have hopes it will be easy to keep the words coming.
I'll tentatively aim for the standard 50k goal - i.e. half of the planned length of the book, but I'll be happy if I get to 30-35k🙂
Other projects
The Unnamed Retelling WIP STILL NEEDS A TITLE. Otherwise, I tinker with it when I need to write something lighter, to cheer myself up, or when my brain keeps coming up with jokes much more suited for a parody than the relatively darker tone of TTT.
And I haven't forgotten about The Fulcrum, but it's very much in the worldbuilding stage. I want the setting to stew well - so I might still answer some WBW questions about it, but won't be adding to the word count in the foreseeable future.
#writeblr#writeblr community#writing update#creative writing#writers of tumblr#writing community#the truth teller#days of dusk
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Just out of curiosity I totaled up my word count for sicktember so far and its just over 35k
I have completed 7/30 fics 😪
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My 2022 year in fic
Thanks for the tag, @broomsticks! Original post here.
Tagging @the-francakes @lumosatnight @peachpety @acnelli @sliebman10 @vdoshu @vukovich and literally anyone who hasn’t already been tagged! Love to see what everyone has accomplished.
I like this concept but I’m too lazy to highlight every fic I wrote so I’ll share fun stats instead:
Word Count: 514,865
Hits: 119,106
Number of Fics started and finished: 24 (not including ficlets contained in compilation works)
Number of WIPs started: 8 active docs and 14+ plunnies that I word vomited about in various docs and not much else.
Ships I wrote this year (not including background ships):
Hermione x Draco (19)
Draco x Harry (5)
Harry x George (4)
Harry x Ron (3)
Harry x Theo (2)
Neville x Pansy (2)
Oliver x Marcus (2)
Pansy x Ron (2)
Draco x Ron (2)
Ships with only 1 fic/ficlet written: Golden Trio x Draco, Harry x Ron x Hermione, Luna x Millicent, Ginny x Blaise, Padma x Ron, Parvati x Ron, Luna x Harry, Fred x George, Fred x George x Harry, Harry x Ginny, Harry x Ginny x Ron, Luna x Ginny, Sirius x Remus, Charlie x Draco, Neville x Draco, Lavender x Fenrir, Fleur x Hermione, Draco x Albus Severus, Percy x Marcus, Hagrid x Giant squid, Hagrid x Monster Book of Monsters. Hermione x Theo x Draco, Draco x Theo x Harry
Favorite Fic I wrote (A toss-up!):
How to Care For Your Monster Book: A Guide by Rubeus Hagrid (8k, OS): Hagrid finds many uses for his new course textbook... some of them may shock you. Rating: E
All’s Fair in Love, and War, and Paintball (35k, COMPLETE): A multi-ship 8th year Hogwarts Fic that pays homage to TV series Community’s paint-ball episodes with a last-man-standing paintball competition that breaks out during the Halloween feast. Ships include and are not limited to: Dramione, Panville, NottPott, and Ron x Padma x Parvati. Rating: E
Least Favorite Fic I wrote:
{Life’s Nothing But} Beautiful Catastrophes (115k, COMPLETE): Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger have a one-night-stand-turned pregnancy. Draco finds them again years later when his son is grown. Rating: E
Most Popular Fic I wrote:
{Life’s Nothing But} Beautiful Catastrophes (115k, COMPLETE): Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger have a one-night-stand-turned pregnancy. Draco finds them again years later when his son is grown. Rating: E
**ALSO my longest fic this year
Least Popular Fic I wrote:
Peeling Potatoes (585, OS): George is still grieving Fred. Harry offers a moment of peace. Rating: T
***ALSO my shortest fic this year.
AO3 Fic Writers who have inspired me and my writing this year: doshu, vukovich, nanneramma, eveningstruggle, dodgerkedavra, mignonettes (naughtybaguette), peachpety, TheFrancakes, lumosatnight (noxatnight), wolfpants, swoons, senlinyu, whimsy, heyjude19, sodamnrad, tepre
Favorite Ship: at the moment, all the combinations of Harry, Draco, and Ron. Lately, all my inspiration comes from these characters. Good thing there’s a Ron x Draco fest AND and Dronarry fest this spring (wink, wink)
Least Favorite Ship: I actually don’t think I have one. Every time I say I’m not going to like a new ship, I read something amazing that changes my mind. I believe can be persuaded to like any ship if it’s written well enough!
Fic Writing Breakdown by Season:
Winter: 5 fics
Spring: 4 fics
Summer: 7 fics
Fall: 9 fics (busy end of year!)
Fics with accompanying media by other creators:
What the Portraits Saw (4k, OS):**Embedded with art by Hero//regretful-prince** Portraits are meant to be seen and not heard, or so you've been led to believe. Verity the Virgin is merely the portrait of a simple girl painted into an unimaginative pastoral scene. Her world is upended when she catches a mysterious thief trying to make off with some Malfoy family valuables. Written for the Double the Trouble Dramione Fest 2022. Rating: M
From Sunset to Star Rise (7.5 k, OS): Ron x Harry. **NOW WITH PODFIC, linked in fic. Creator hasn’t been revealed YET but on Dec 30 you’ll know who she is.** Ron and Harry move to New England to get away from the aftermath of war, buy a cozy cabin in the woods, and fall in love under the stars of an autumn sky. Rating: M
Goals for 2023: Release my first ever attempt at Podfic, finish at least 3 of my 8 wips, organize my TBR list, take it easy, and have fun writing!
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Monthly Writing Summary — March 2024
This month, I experienced a combination of:
A lot of schoolwork,
Realizing I seriously need plot outlines / zero drafts after all (and so pausing my WIPs to write outlines for the remaining chapters),
and plain old writer’s block,
so I didn’t meet any of my goals or get much done on anything other than TCotO. I like what I did do, though!
THE CLAWS OF THE OUNCE 🫀
Word count: 41,130
Words added: 6,765
Current chapter: 11 out of 28 / Draft 2
Estimated story completion: 38%
Snippet:
Orion knew much more than she did. If he said something, it must be right. She took her memories of the last minutes and rewrote them to fit his words.
(OH NO.)
Notes:
I’m almost at a part I’m really eager to rewrite!
Orion’s subtle yet overwhelming controlling-ness is… something to write. In the first draft, he was much more outwardly aggressive / hostile, but I think what I’m currently doing fits much better for the type of character he’s supposed to be.
Goal for April: Get to 50K.
THE MYSTERIES OF THE APRICOT SUN 🌇
Word count: 28,180
Words added: 1,780
Current chapter: 10 out of 32 / Draft 1
Estimated story completion: 30%
Snippet:
Places and not-places didn’t mix. Things burned without smoke and fell in slices without being cut.
Notes:
Got some real eldritch horror vibes going…
Goal for April: Get to 35K (this time…)
THE GIFT OF GLOVES 🧤
Word count: 6,400
Words added: 880
Current chapter: 3 out of 7 / Draft 2
Estimated story completion: 30%
Snippet:
She’d been anticipating the immense pride of being named a discoverer. Now, she was only dreading the shame.
Notes:
None in particular.
Goal for April: Get to 15K.
Tags: @emwhyarentyouwriting @time-to-write-and-suffer
#Monthly Writing Summary#The Claws of the Ounce#The Mysteries of the Apricot Sun#The Gift of Gloves#writeblr#writing community#writers on tumblr#am writing#writing update
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11, 19, 28, 30, 42
Hi anon ! Ty for the ask ! :D
11. Link your three favorite fics right now.
Oh god three of mine or three in general..??? Um. A..? I guess I’ll do both !!
Three of mine: True Vengeance, THE REPARATION CLAUSE, The Bridges We Burn
Three of others: The Illusion of Life, A Great Leap in the Dark, Mors Vincit Omnia
19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?
Oh I bet for sure it’s gonna be “graphic depictions of violence” LMAO. Aside from like. The thg fandom tags. Also “original characters” and “alternate universe”. The “canon-typical violence” tag is also my best friend and i love when I surpass that one. Canon atypical violence. I think ive used that one before but only once so it doesn’t count here, but it is funny. OH- the “careers have issues” tag. Also my best friend<3 really fucking excellent tag
28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?
Pshhhhh uhhhh…. I’m actually just coming off of an event where i wrote like 35k in the span of 5 weeks which is. Not typical ! This past week-ish I have written exactly Zero words (: …at like. Normal times, I probably can do a solid 1k or in that ballpark. I have been known to bang out like 3k in a day if I’m rly in the zone (i was Unwell last july LMFAO) but also I rly don’t typically write every day. Would like to! Need to build a new schedule though. Hard for me to write on the days when I work but I only work part time atm. I am also. Kind of a slow writer usually. I’ve only written as much as I have bc I write frequently ! ((Or I try to))
30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?
Good god I think I’d perish if I shared rough drafts. Like, on ao3… is that a thing..? So like. My shit isn’t perfect. There’s definitely typos I’ve missed and all that jazz, but I usually heavily edit my chapters before posting. The event I did recently was also like my first time having a beta which was neat but. This is rly silly, bear with me - so I had two separate docs for that, one I wrote the fic in and another that I shared w the betas, because the idea of someone having access to all my rough outlines and watching me on the doc as I write makes me Viscerally uncomfortable, I can’t rly explain it better than that. Anyways, the funny part is, said beta would point out a grammar mistake or typo, and I’d go “nice” and fix it, but forget to fix it on the other doc. So when I. When I posted the fic from the original doc… you can see where this is going maybe. Actual clown idiot moment LMFAO. Tl;dr - I attempt to polish. Doesn’t always turn out shiny jdjddjdk
42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?
Ooh ! Last one I read was In The Clear by District11-Olive on FFN. So this one is technically thg but very au; it’s set in modern day Canada where a show called The Cut forced teenaged criminals to fight to the death in order to regain their freedom or get a “second chance”. It’s Really well written and also an excellent commentary on what it means to be a criminal and prison systems in general. This one’s actually the third and final installment of the series, wooh! It’s not complete yet; the story just reached the start of the death match part and its so 👁️👄👁️ It’s also a SYOC fic (Submit Your Own Character). Not open for submissions now, but u might see some of my characters if you check it out c:
Gotta also rec The Furthest Star by geologyisms on FFN since I’m in the middle of (re) reading it.. again 🥺 This is the fic I received from the exchange I took part in recently ! So the main pov char Solan Gardener (D9 tribute in the male slot but uses they/them) was created by me but the story was written by erik/geologyisms ! Ve did such a lovely job with my kiddo u should definitely check it out!! 10/10 new comfort fic fr ;—;
Ty again anon for the question, I had fun !!! <3
#nell clownery here#hunger games#hunger games fanfiction#fanfiction asks#anon ask#ask meme#fanfiction#fanfiction writer#hunger games fanfic#the hunger games
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iwbsts hit 40k oops
#why am i so bad at predicting word counts#and#i only have 400 words of the epilogue written#so like... that's at LEAST 3000 more words but knowing me it'll be even more#plus the two chapters that i still have to finish will probably be another 1000 ish#so like#looking at at least 44k??#i predicted 30-35k#gdi#iwbsts
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#27796#phew#will hit the 28k when i get home#UGH yikes this fic is just not ending lmao#and iiiiii love it#my new estimate is 35k#it's definitely hitting 30#it surely SURELY won't get longer than 40#anyway if lauren is reading this soz and thanks that i stole your method of logging my word count LOL
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