#wonderful to see so much support for trans and non binary kids

[vmpkai]

in honor of pride month i ended up making queer headcannons of the main hamilton characters because i like making everything queer so

lgbtq+ hamilton headcannons

disclamer: yes some of the sexualities are weird because i like weird identities, i use weird identities, and sometimes it just makes sense. not a fan? close the door on your way out. also this is sponsored by 3 am thoughts and lack of sleep. anyways, shall we continue?

alexander hamilton

- he / they

- bi + polyam + trans guy

- a fanfic gave me the poly idea and i absolutely love it

- also alexander is just a trans name and he has that tboy swag

- has a thing for both john ( he finds all of his friends to be very attractive and flirts with them all )

- very obnoxious about his identity ( as he should )

john laurens

- he / him

- demisexual + gay + cis

- it just works for him

- knew he was gay from birth he just needed some boys to kiss

hercules mulligan

- he / him

- bihet or unlabeled + demiromantic + cis

- makes and sells pride flags + has several pride stickers

- doesn't really care all that much, but find himself having a preference for women

- does have a major thing for laf though ( is way too shy to talk about it )

marquis de lafayette

- all pronouns

- pan + genderfluid + non binary

- so obnoxiously gay and it's wonderful

- definitely does drag in their free time ( and fucking slays it each time )

angelica schuyler

- she / her

- pan + aroace + trans woman

- if you even think anything queerphobic she will tear you a new one ( kicked a transphobe in the teeth cuz of a comment they made towards her )

- such a girlboss about it

eliza schuyler

- she / they

- bi + polyam + asexual + cis

- polyam idea also from a fanfic ( it was really good )

- alex helped her realize she was polyam

- has a big fat crush on maria lewis

peggy schuyler

- any pronouns

- lesbian + genderfluid

- blames all of her problems on homophobia ( as she should )

- the most lesbian to ever lesbian tbh

- reminds me of one of my irl friends tbh ( both give off the same vibes )

maria lewis ( reynolds )

- she / her

- bi lesbian + trans girl

- doesn't talk about her sexuality a lot cuz she hates explaining ( mood )

- eliza was lesbian awakening, alexander was bi awakening, james made her realize she did NOT like men. well cis men at least ( just like me frfr )

thomas jefferson

- he / him

- bigay + aromantic + cis

- label depends on the day, really

- flirts with everyone ( more or less to get what he wants cuz he puts his pretty privilege to use )

- secretly does drag and denies all accusations ( he'd make a fabulous queen )

james madison

- he / him

- gay + demiaroace + trans guy

- nobody actually knows he's trans aside from those with the transtuition

- in a qpt relationship with thomas

aaron burr

- he / him

- hetero + aromantic + cis

- he's a quiet ally who supports his friends

- does not have a queer opinion at fucking all ( as per usual ) #certifiedfencesitter

george washington

- he / him

- hetero + cis

- doesn't understand but he tried his best

- ( at pride with all his kids the revolutionary set ) stranger: "how many genders are there?" washington: "i dunno man, i just got here."

king george

- nameself pronouns / neos / he

- gay + cis

- is 100% both a drag king and drag queen ( he's just so cunty )

- has that roly west of energy ( please tell me that someone can see the vision )

[noahl-art]

Hi!

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean it I don't like your art or anything. Really really sorry if it sounds rude, I'm just interested. So.. Are there any cis ghouls? I've just often seen you draw different ghouls as transgender.

I was just wondering about your headcanons about it and stuff..

Hey anon! 😊

No worries! As long as questions like that are asked respectfully and without bad intentions, I don't mind at all!

To be honest I don't really know 🤷 I don't have any fixed headcanons about their genders... I just vibe with it depending on what I feel like drawing! Which most of the time means they'll end up trans because that's what makes me really happy to draw!

It's more that I've spent a good part of my life drawing cis characters, and I've grown bored of it. So now, I just go full force and draw what I wish to see more represented, trans moments of joy and love, this warm feeling of community... And the ghouls just happen to be a very good vessel for these kinds of things! ✨

As always with these kind of asks I'll leave you with an extract that I love! It's by Hanneli Victoire a french transmasc author and journalist. It has been roughly translated via Deepl and corrected by my french ass so sorry if it's a bit cluncky! It's a bit long but very worth it! (link to the full french post on instagram)

The more I eat up feminist and lesbian theory, the more I understand that we don't exist. To be a man, a guy, a trans guy, a transmasculine or non-binary person is to look for yourself wherever possible, and to find yourself nowhere. Transmasculinity is a complete unthought issue in feminism, a question that is swept under the rug because no one knows what we're talking about. When you're a kid, you've got Hilary Swank getting murdered in Boys Don't Cry and not much else to tell us that being trans is shame, shit and death. Who wants to go through Preciado's or Bourcier's books to find mirrors of themselves? Who knows that Stone Butch Blues exists and that this book saves lives, even though it's far removed from activist circles? There's no space for us among lesbians, feminists, cis men or even queers. Once you've abandoned the idea of the definitive "she", and you're oscillating between "he", "they" or "it" and sometimes even a bit of "she", sexuality is a laughing matter. What are we becoming? Straight, lesbian, gay, transgender? There's nothing that really fits, and above all, we're attacked as soon as we dare to assert one or the other, because in any case, straight, queer, bi or transgender is not for us, and our bullshit erases the real holders of the title. Transmasc we're kicking up a fuss, because no one expected us to turn up in such numbers, or that we'd be in the vanguard of blowing up the hegemonic masculinities. That we'd be 1.50m tall, with huge breasts, long hair, a craving for make-up, dresses and heels, and that we'd grab the whole world by the collar and say "he" without looking down. Let's be proud of that. Of breaking down the "gender" category, and profoundly changing the face of oppression and struggle with our bodies that make everything go haywire. We're going to knock it out of the park, and we're not going to apologise. Saying, "Yes, but it's not just girls" at 100% of feminist meetings, events and speeches, and forcing people to add the cis prefix when talking about the men who ruin everything. And we know when we look like rude jerks wearing a cap, a mask or a hoodie, when we're called "sir" and we don't dare speak up because we don't want to get burnt. And we know when we have to deal T, find vial leftovers, hold hands during injections, support each other during shortages. And we know when we're sharing the names of psychiatrists, endocrinologists and surgeons to do our top surgery. And we know when it's time to start a fund-raising campaign to remind ourselves that we're beautiful, and to help each other find a new name. We know. With our non-muscular bodies, our squashed tits, our mini moustaches, our voices that go off the rails, our scars on our torsos, our outbursts when we cut our hair and our hips that are too wide. We know when we've been told to get lost, that we're scary, that we've become too masculine, that T has made us freaks, that we've joined the oppressors' camp. We know when we're in relationships with dykes, straights or fags and no one understands what kind of couple we are. We know when we date each other and no one understands, because T4T is like nothing we've ever known and we're even more exposed that way. Violence everywhere, transmasc nowhere. And yet, every time I needed help, every time I wasn't feeling well, a transmasc person was there to offer me a hand. Solidarity is in our blood, because there's nowhere else to go. Hanneli Victoire - "Transmasc, a kick in the ant hill"

[brandyschillace]

Join the revolution

Three beautiful autistic/neurodivergent trans women musicians came and stayed with me/us on their way home to Brooklyn, NY from tour. We had an impromptu jam session by the fire (with tea and snacks) and talked about revolution.

I am autistic and non-binary. It’s pretty common really—many neurodivergent people are also LGBTQ, and trans in particular. Because as someone who sees much of human behavior as a performance we have to learn (and mimic), we see the performative aspect of many things. And the masks, and the forced compliance. Most of us also see that gender is fuzzy around the edges. Or that there aren’t edges, at all.

We sang songs and played with my cat and talked about fighting for Justice. We have to be justice warriors, and to make friends across our communities, to stand up against the hard things. But we can do it with story and song and toasty fireside chats. Art is revolution. Books, especially the banned ones, are revolution. Listen to authors and creators who are allies (like Atlantic writer Ed Yong, or @neil-gaiman who openly supports and writes trans characters, or Judy Blume who spoke out against JKR); read books by trans authors like Kacen Callender or poems by Robin Gow, and there are many more. Listen to music by my wonderful friend Mya Byrne (above) who is a star country/blues singer also working on a book for kids. Follow neurodivergent authors (I am one, but there are so many wonderful folk—and several articles and sites that list their work, fiction and nonfiction).

We are all part of the revolution. ❤️

[oftachancer]

It’s so important to see people acknowledging publicly the spectrum of gender. Labels are so tricky, aren’t they? On the one hand, growing up without the advent of gender labels outside of the binary, I spent a long time ignoring parts of myself, or thinking that something was wrong with me bc I didn’t see anyone like me in the world. I tried to fit into the boxes that weren’t my shape.

That’s the wonderful thing about label expansion - there are options. There is the notion that something exists outside of what has been widely acknowledged. That gives people the creative room to look for words to define what they experience and by giving it a name, give it a voice and a reality. That is amazing.

When I was in high school, there was a little quip that went around my GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) - “straight people are bi, bi people are gay, gay people are right”. In the 90s, that was forward thinking. But as someone who was attracted to a broad spectrum of people, even as my friends grinned and said it as a matter of solidarity and lifting up, I felt sidelined. I’d had crushes on men, women, and androgynous people since I’d been a kid. It wasn’t a matter of disregarding their genders or not seeing them, it wasn’t what has come to be known as ‘demi’, it was just a wider selection of specific things that appealed to me. But even among the people who were supposedly my support network, I wasn’t quite allowed to fit. I wasn’t gay enough or straight enough. I wasn’t butch (except when I was) and I wasn’t femme (except when I was). I was ‘the guy in the relationship’, but I wasn’t allowed to be the guy in the rest of my life.

When ‘bi’ actually started gaining traction and acknowledgement, that was exciting for me. Genuinely exciting. It felt like someone turning to me and saying ‘yes, you do actually belong; yes, we see you’. And even that, from the beginning, wasn’t quite right, but you work with what you have. When the corsets of gender identity started to loosen, I actually felt my fingers tingle. It was like my blood was actually reaching all the parts of me, like I was breathing for the first time. It was a heady experience, like being oxygen drunk. But it was internal. I wasn’t a butterfly trying to break out of a chrysalis. I still didn’t quite fit. I didn’t want to change my body; even if it and I weren’t always in perfect alignment, we got along okay for the most part. I wasn’t trans, but I knew what it was like to look in the mirror and stare at parts of yourself wondering why you couldn’t just trade them out like clothes. I told my cycling gender dysphoria- just as I had told myself with my outside the box sexuality - that as long as I was being authentic to who I was, then it didn’t matter what people thought when they saw me or how they chose to understand who I was. And at that time, I was an industry and a culture where there were certain expectations that needed to be met for any measure of success. Only there’s only so much authentic you can be, when just by existing within a culture, you’re being shaped by it.

If there had been words then as there are now, maybe it would have been different for me. I don’t know. If there had been options on forms for ‘non-binary’ instead of ‘male’ and ‘female’, maybe I would have found a voice above a whisper and a way of living my life off the page. But there wasn’t and I’ve never pretended to be brave, so instead I wrote about people and worlds where it was safe to be as I felt. I lived vicariously through language- which is ironic, I suppose, since part of the reason I did was because language was failing me in my reality.

Which leads me to the frustrating part of label expansion: as we create these words to acknowledge individual experiences, we are also trying to box people in again. We redefine new words, trying to ‘get them right’. ‘Bi’ was set to the side for not including non-binary and trans-genders, to be replaced by ‘pan’ which was supposed to create inclusivity. But instead, it’s been redefined now to mean that pan people ‘don’t see gender’ while ‘omni’ people do. Now, I feel like we’re getting into the weeds a bit. Maybe I’m tired of having to trade out my name tags. 😅 Because there’s labeling to give people a voice and then there’s labeling to separate people, and I feel like we’re starting to tip into that ‘because we’re different’ arena instead of ‘because we’re the same’.

People love. That’s the message, isn’t it? People love different people in different ways. People love themselves in different ways. People experience the world in different ways, see from different perspectives, and create a kaleidoscopic reality where beautiful fractals occur in the spaces between.

Anywho. That’s my little Pride thinkabout (like a walkabout in my brain). Be well. Be kind. Happy Pride.

The makes me so happy. It's never to late to come out or express your identity.

[swallows-are-for-hope]

This song is lovely and is making me cry. A lot.

I've been dealing with a lot of big emotions around my child starting puberty blockers. I thought I was good with everything around them being non-binary. When they came out, I had a few days of being super emotional. Mostly because of fear for their future and feeling overwhelmed with all the decisions we'd need to make and navigating everything around having a trans child. I never felt, like many parents of trans kids do, that I had to mourn the child I expected to have (which is a completely normal reaction and has very little to do with the child and everything to do with parental expectations)

And then everything settled down. They're seeing a wonderful therapist who has a lot of experience working with trans kids. We found a supportive endo and lovely support groups for us as parents and my child.

But now they've started puberty. And they're getting their first blocker today. And suddenly, I'm emotional about it all, and I'm not even sure why. My child is so happy! So, so happy. No more anxiety attacks. No more depression. And it's the best thing in the world. We're both breathing for the first time in years. I can't even explain how much better everything is to what it was.

And yet, I still feel a bit sad that I'm not going to see the boy I thought I had go through his awkward puberty with a too big nose and funny voice. I know puberty is still coming for us but for the first time I'm mourning something I thought I'd had.

And it will pass. I know. But today, I'll let the sadness linger and also be really excited with them to start the blockers.

[transblog119]

I feel the most dysphoric when I have to sit down and question my gender.

Up until that point, I can exist pretty happily. I can vibe and be very comfortable with myself and feel sure that I am a man. It's when I have to ask questions like "am I feeling dysphoric" that it induces the dysphoria because if I'm not, I don't feel "trans enough" to call myself trans.

Nothing makes you "trans enough" because being "trans enough" does not exist. It's not a level or a competition. Logically I know this. It doesn't stop me feeling the most unsettled when I have to start justifying my identity.

It's why answering questions at the doctor's makes me feel so overwhelmed, even though they're perfectly valid questions. I know she doesn't mean them as a test, just a way to get to know me and gauge what answers are best to give me so I can get the help and support I need. It still feels like a test. Like when she asked "what makes you feel dysphoric" and I couldn't answer, so I just said some generic answer like my breasts and being called my legal name. Which isn't untrue either. But it felt like answers I had to give to get what I want, as opposed to answers that I feel are true in myself.

I tried to explain seeing some trans people talking about their experience makes me happy but sometimes seeing trans people makes me unsettled. Especially if they're talking about bad experiences.

Like there's so little trans media I can read or watch, because it just reminds me being trans is all I'll be. She understood this to an extent. She understood I was trying to say being trans isn't my personality, it's just a way to express my identity, as nuanced as it is. It's not my entire being. But reading about trans people, especially in ya media, makes me so anxious.

Let me be frank, I completely understand the need for this media. I hope other people can read it and feel seen and feel at peace finding a piece of themselves in books and on tv. But for me, it only reminds me I'm trans. I could never be "truly male". I'll never be perceived as "truly male". It's at the crux of being trans, that that thing, that identity, I so desperately want will always be a little out of my reach.

It scares the shit out of me.

Reading about cis males or even amabs identifying as non binary, gender queer and gender fluid is so much easier. Because I can pretend. I can pretend that's me. Not that it could be me or it might be me but it is me.

The best I've felt reading about a trans character was in Hell Followed with Us. Yes it was gross and had a lot of gore, but at least Benji was just existing. Painfully, I'm aware, but he had so much else going on and being trans was just something he rarely thought about, while fully knowing exactly who he was in his own skin.

How do I explain to people that I feel the most dysphoric when it's pointed out to me I'm trans. That I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing or how to get the help I want. That I'm scared of starting T because what if I'm wrong, when all signs point to I'm right. And then I'm reminded that this is exactly what dysphoria is, and find comfort that I feel this dysphoria. It's like a never ending cycle, and I think this is the first time I can say I've seeked to self harm.

That by making myself dysphoric, I feel comfort feeling that dysphoria because it means I can be "trans enough" to be trans and that's the golden ticket to being allowed to start T and get top surgery and start passing. No one is stopping me from going after those things though. No one by myself, feeling like I can't have it.

But whether I'm trans or decide later I'm non binary or something else, regretting T scares me. But I know I'll always wonder. I'll always want it, I'll always be waiting to feel okay to start it. To be allowed to start it.

My doctor went through all the permanent side effects with me. My voice will change, and I fucking hope it does. I've never liked my high pitch voice. I'll grow infertile. Great, I've never wanted kids, I don't even have sex. I'll grow body hair, which kind of freaks me out, but no more than anything else.

Is it normal to be scared? Is it normal to feel so nervous I'm losing my mind? I see so many trans people excited to start T, and I am too, but are you even a little bit scared? Those people who start later in life, who didn't "know" when they were 12 but only caught on when they were 25, does it scare you? Are you hiding it?

Then I see so many tiktoks (I'm aware I need to get off tiktok) of calling out people for starting T and then being sad they're not an "anime twink". I hate the fetishisation argument, I believe it's really dangerous, but is that me? Will I regret it if I don't like how I look after? I like how I look now, I just wish I was less fem, more man.

And see how I've swung back to wanting to be a man. Of feeling I am one. When I question the small parts of myself, when I pinpoint it down to what I want to look like and how I want to be seen, all signs point to starting T is the right choice. I want a more masculine muscle structure, a deeper voice, I want people to start seeing me as a man, not as this vaguely androgynous being or just a butch lesbian tomboy that wears oversized clothing.

I think I want to skip the next part. Skip to the good part. Where I've been on T for years and my hormones have settled and I've got a scruffy beard and I don't even have to tell people I'm trans anymore because it's none of their fucking business if I am. You'll know me as Sebastian and that's all you'll fucking know me as.

I want people to forget I'm trans, not just to see me as a man, but so they'll stop bringing it up. My mum constantly asking me questions (some are good, some aren't, some are just offensive) my sister asking me who I've told (she's just being respectful) customers at work calling me "that lady" when it's not their fault.

Stop reminding me I'm trans. Start reminding me I'm a man.

[little-kitty-kanny]

No one needs to pay attention to this. I just needed to get this all out.

So my grandmother (paternal) had dinner at her house today at 3. I was not informed of this until my sister sent me a snap asking if I was going. She sent me this snap like two hours before 3, and I was like, "Um...this is super last minute, and wtf do you mean she's hosting dinner at her house today?" My sister tried to soothe the voices in my head by saying that it was probably a series of miscommunication.

For the first time ever, I didn't go to the New Years Eve party at my aunt's (maternal) house. I figured that my grandmother had assumed I had gone, and that my parents had told me about it. So, I calmed down a little, but I did end up not going due to the fact I didn't even know about it until the last minute.

I need to add context for this next part, so quick deviation. I have been engaged to a wonderful human being for three years now. This wonderful human being also happens to be a transwoman who I dated before her transition, so my parents know her as both her dead name and herself. My partner just brought up that she'd really like us to be married by the end of the year, but that all depends on $$$ and how fast we can throw shit together.

I recently told my grandmother that my partner was going by a new name and the pronouns she/her. I told her that while I didn't expect her to accept it, I wanted her to respect that this is who I love and that my fiance was to be treated with respect. My grandmother's response had been rather...neutral, so I wasn't immediately panicked by it.

Well, I guess I should have taken the neutral response as a negative. My sister texted me telling me they were talking about my fiance, and that my grandmother's house wasn't a safe place.

My sister then apologized to me.

Like she was the problem.

I just...I feel so fucking much right now.

I'm disappointed but unsurprised at the transphobia.

I'm gutted by the fact they can't accept my relationship, and that their so called "unconditional love" has so many fucking conditions.

I'm so full of rage that they can talk shit when I'm not around, but they don't have the guts to say it to my damn face.

I'm scared because my youngest sibling has come out to me as non-binary, and if they can't accept my trans partner, what does that mean for my sibling?

I'm...I'm grieving. I'm grieving that all the things that I dreamed of aren't going to happen. My father isn't going to walk me down the aisle. My mother may not show up to my wedding due to my father. Neither of my grandparents will be there. Maybe one aunt will be there, maybe not because it might cause too much strain in the family.

I won't have a father-daughter dance. I probably won't dance with my mother. My extended family won't want anything to do with me, and my "sinfulness". I won't have holidays with them anymore. I probably will stop seeing them until I'm putting them in the Goddamn ground because I will NEVER leave my siblings to do that by themselves.

I will never have their love and support.

Even after I gave them FUCKING EVERYTHING I HAD.

Even after I took care of their kids more often then they did.

Even after I, as a fucking child, handled and dealt with their emotions.

Even after I held things together.

Even after I tried my damnedest to be PERFECT because I thought that was the only way they were EVER going to love me.

Even after I shoved my emotions down, never letting them see me depressed because I didn't want to be a burden.

I will never be good enough.

I will NEVER be good enough for them.

And I'm so angry and sad about that.

I guess it isn't all terrible though. My sister offered to walk me down the aisle in place of my father. She's also asked about how she can help with the wedding plans. She's also reaching out to some of our cousins (I'm older than them, but they're also adults now) to see if they'd want to come. She was just as upset about this as I was because she loves me and wants me to be happy without needing to conform to her ideas of who I should be.

My little sibling was thankfully taking a nap in the guest room when they (my dad and his parents) decided to talk shit, so they didn't hear anything negative. At least they were spared that discomfort. I'm still worried how this will impact them in the future though.

I am going to be calling their role in my wedding the Wedding Gremlin though. That I'm positive of.

I'll always have them and my wonderful fiancé (who I hope will soon be my wife).

[testure-1988]

Really wonderful to see high schoolers from Virginia fighting back against the state’s draconian anti-trans ruling

[michael-aftons-nonbinary-lover]

Ehm- mayb just a sweet little thing of William and afab reader who's transitioning ?? Like- hes just helping them dye their hair n stuff? I dunno,, I just miss dad even though he's literally across the room in headspace LMAO

and maybe it/its they/them pronouns used for the reader?? bwbwbwbw idk just uh- ya- -🦊(micheal)

William when a queer teenager: Yup, time to adoption (/j)

New Identity 'Cons'

-(Dad!William Afton and trans!teen reader)-

-(Summary: Your dad helps you looks more like yourself after you come out)-

-(CW: mentions of scissors)-

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

You had come out to your dad recently, only a few weeks ago. Your older brother, Mike, had already known, being as he was the first person you told. But he was off at college now. No more of him being an everyday supporter in your life.

When you told your dad, you weren't really scared to do so. Michael had already come out and William and accepted him immediately, buying him flags and cheasy mugs and the works. It was just overall coming out nervousness.

But you had done it, and told your father that you were non binary and wanted to use they/them pronouns from now on. And, as you thought, he had accepted you very quickly. He corrected people who got it wrong, and had already fired an employee of his for scoffing at your pronouns.

You just didn't feel like you looked the part, though. Your hair was too long, your face too soft, your chest too big. You had a binder, but obviously, you followed safety rules for binding, so you couldn't wear it 24/7.

The biggest concern of your right now was your hair. It was too long. It looked too "girly" and cute. Too pretty.

Maybe your dad could help you with it.

You paced quietly to your dad's room, knocking lightly on the mahogany wood of the master bedroom. Scissors and a box of black hair dye in your hands, you waited patiently for your dad.

"Hey, kiddo, what are you doing still up? It's 11:00 and you have school tomorrow."

You raised your hands, showing off the items sheepishly.

"I was wondering if you would help me?"

He understood quickly, smiling and rubbing his head.

"Alrighty. Lead the way, champ. We've got a lot to do if you're gonna get to bed with enough time for proper rest."

You bounced excitedly, hugging your dad quickly.

"Thanks, Dad! Come on!"

Rushing to the bathroom, you pulled out the other necessary items for your late night excursion.

"So, for cutting your hair, what were you thinking?"

"Kinda short, but not too short? You know that mullet Mike used to have? Kinda like that, but a little fluffier!"

"I'll see what I can do. And please, don't try to bring that back into style."

"I think it's too late for that, Dad!" You laughed.

He just sighed, a warm smile gracing his features.

Two and a half hours later, and your hair was completely done. The dye was everywhere, all over the back of your shirt, and your father's arms. Fluffy, and running halfway down your neck, the dark strands of wet, dyed hair looked much less "girly" than it had before. You felt so much better.

"Thank you, Dad! Can you hand me my phone? I gotta show Mike this!"

Your father chuckled and sighed, rolling his eyes playfully at your eagerness to flaunt your new hair to your brother.

"Get to bed soon, kiddo. Sleep well."

"You too! Night, Dad!"

"Goodnight, kid."

(turns out, I fucking love writing dad!William content)

[spyoikawa]

hello hello! i hope you’re doing well :D

i am currently on that saiki k brainrot and was wondering if i could request saiki, aren (okay but like he’s so attractive for what aksjdhgajd), metori, and hairo with an s/o who’s a non-binary afab (assigned female at birth) ballet dancer? (if that’s too specific just a ballet dancer is fine) as a non-binary afab ballet dancer myself (who’s currently on break from ballet) it can get pretty hard and damaging to my mental health and i just need some validation from attractive fictional characters-

thank you! <3

Y o u. Your interaction makes my day 💀 but oml I love this, thank you for requesting! (I 100% agree with your opinions on aren)

And I am so sorry how long this took I've been in a writing block lately-

A/N I heavily recommend trans and nonbinary readers check out

*READER IS AFAB*

Saiki, Aren, Saiko, and Hairo with a Non-Binary Ballet Dancer S/O

♡romantic♡

Saiki Kusuo

He *supposedly* can't go to your practices, because there's too many things that would draw attention to him, but he still makes sure you're OK using clairvoyance, he watches from a distance

However when practice is over he will go over to walk you home with snacks and drinks

If you forget something he quickly pops over when no one is looking and slips it into your bag

He does go to as many of your performances as possible though. He acts like its a pain but he enjoys seeing your hard work pay off. He stays in the back rows, so it might be hard to see him while on stage but he comes up to greet you after the show

He knows it's difficult doing such a binary coded activity, so he offers as much mental help as possible

Placing good affirmations in your thoughts, hanging out with you while you're on a break, and showing interest when you're ready to start again

Aren Kuboyasu

Let's be 100% honest here, he has no idea how tf ballet works, but he knows it's not to be taken lightly and it's a lot of work

He shows up to as many practices as possible, and if he can't he insists on at least walking you to make sure you have everything you need

Is blown away by every single one of your performances, it doesn't matter how you think you did, all he knows is that to him it looked stunning

Brings you your favorite flowers or treats as a congratulations and treats you to dinner after :)

He was a bit confused when you needed to take a break

But upon realizing how strict and traditional ballet can be, he supports you through your break

He's proud of you for making it this far, and prioritizing your mental health

Once again, he doesn't know anything about ballet, but he probably goes on a tangent or 2 about how stupid it was that all your outfits had skirts

If you ever go back to ballet after your break, he makes sure to go to your first practices to make sure you're ok

Saiko Metori

He gives off "took ballet classes as a kid cause it was either that or piano" vibes, so he probably understands your situation more than anyone

He definitely goes to most of your practices to make sure your studio and instructors are at least decent in his eye and is sure to get you nice equipment to prevent discomfort or injuries

He's probably more eager for you to take a break than you are, because he knows it's hard. When you do take a break, he becomes uncharacteristically nice to you

If you're bummed about loosing practice time, or missing the movements or how you felt while by yourself, he has a little studio in his house that you can use

If you just need time to recharge and calm down, he's ready to just chill and hang out with you all you want

Once you're ready to go back, he starts going to practices with you using his former knowledge to keep up. If you're gonna have to partner up with anyone it's going to be him. End of discussion

He usually doesn't like wearing clothes like this, but he'll carry around a sweatshirt with him so you can cover up after practice if you're feeling a bit dysphoric

Hairo Kineshi

Goes to all your practices

Even if he can only show up for 5 minutes because of his own sport practice, he will show up

As a class rep and competitive athlete, he knows that a little encouragement can go a long way, so imagine how far a lot can go!

He just wants you to know you have his support and he thinks you're doing a great job

He makes sure to get seats front and center at all your recitals, he wants to have a clear view of you, and wants you to be able to notice him in the audience

Number one hypeman after you do literally anything!

He knows you're working hard and putting in your effort and there's nothing more admirable than that

However if you need to take a break that's ok too! Breaks are good for you, because it means you'll come back better than ever

Contrary to the others who soften up for you, Hairo stays the same as ever, if anything more enthusiastic. Maybe you need a break from ballet but that just means there's more time to indulge yourself in other interests and time with him

When you're ready to go back, he's thrilled and ready to see you back in action! Nothing makes him happier than seeing you enjoy yourself and seeing all the hard work and dedication paying off and coming to a beautiful resolve

I hope that was OK! Thank you very much for your patience! Please let me know if there's anything I can do to fix it or improve my writing! I did write this at 1 am so theres bound to be a blip or two there 😅

[1pcii]

mh yea! i definatly think the fact that they looks so similar and have the same main conflict to the point ZORO points it out is where most of that theory comes from. which I find funny because oda also makes it a point to say how DISSIMILAR they are, kuina was loud and abrasive and competitive while tashigi is more soft-spoken or atleast calm and by-the-book. their main goals are different and ZORO is the irrational one for being so hung up on their similarities and projecting onto tashigi. people make a literal connection in what's just a parallel. tho getting more of a backstory on tashigi is always a nice idea.

FR!!!! there's something about being a 1pc swordsman that gives you such A complex relationship with gender and your body and mortality and and. I wonder if it's because of how important swordsmanship' is in wano which has a more traditional view on gender in general 🤔. AND YEAAA I LOVE KIKU TOO. she's so fucking cool. I love when shes downplaying her skills on purpose and zoro is all 'ik you don't need me to save you' and she's like 'yea yknow what Ur right' and goes all out in her introduction!!! she's amazing <3

[post source]

THEY CAN LITERALLY HOLD SO MUCH GENDER IN THEM.

that fics sounds incredible!!!! I'll be sure to give it a read omg. I fucking love kuina lives au's so much and ZORO being part of HIS motivation, I'm sobbing that's such A cool idea. the first person to ever really see you for who you are, to make you feel like you can do anything RAAHGDJDHDIDJ I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. AND FUCK YEA KUINA AND TASHIGI INTERACTIONS!!! their potential dynamic is so interesting to me. I wholeheartedly believe that if kuina lived SHE would be tashigi's rival and it would be so good for a couple reasons.

-the difference in gender opinions is so much more direct because it's coming from the person themselves on not their younger brother who lives out their memory

-WADO ICHIMONJI

that fics relationship between trans!kuina and tashigi reminds me a bit of the dynamic between trans!zoro and kuina in aether above. trans zoro who never got to tell kuina and then she dies and he never can 😭.

ALSO YESS MASC WOMAN KUINA. non-binary kuina also <3 every gender and gender presentation works for her in such unique and interesting ways!!!

the GNC swag in this pic

I love how her design is so gnc also because it feels very symbolic of how gender doesn't (or atleast shouldn't) matter to childeren. kids are kids and are unburdened by societal gendered expectations. AND ZORO WEARING KUINA SHIRT STYLE AS AN ADULT TO SHOW HE KEEPS THAT WAY OF THINKING/IN HER MEMORY AAAAH.

OMG I felt the same way tbh. I got into 1pc mainly because of opla but reading the animanga version of kuina and Zoro's story hit so much harder. opla imo toned it down alot by having koushiro be a supportive father and the dojo being mixed gendered (which is prolly just netflix background character diversity stuff) but it kinda cheapens her situation where she is being FED this rehtoric and is being reinforced by her being the only girl at her dojo, making her insecurities feel so randomly attached. where's the puberty horror? where is the loneliness of being a girl in a ''''boys world'''', she was so alone and zoro ultimatly being the one to come to an understanding and befriend her is sososo important.

but her story in the animanga, GOD yea it hit me so hard. transmascs when a female character has the same issues as them 🤝‼️.

ZOROS BACKSTORY AND TRAUMA IS JUST AS IMPORTANT TO HIS MENTALITY AND VIEWS ON GENDER AS LIKE, SANJI'S FOR EXAMPLE. they so obviously parallel but ppl don't give HALF as much though into zoro genderism as sanji. (probably because he's more chill about it until tashigi shows up lol). but still a backstory dosnt have to be super angsty and layered with explicit suffering to be complex and important. zoro also just isnt that kind of character, every obstacle and conflict he uses to better and motivate himself, we love a mental health king <3.

the 2001th battle is cinema to me idc idc. I'm so glad we're in agreement of this vision 🤝. genuinely it's so cool that we both share so many thoughts on these characters I feel like they're so slept on sometimes besides generally referencing them. Zoro carrying on kuina will with his own. the fucking... 3 motif is so good. his dream being symbolised by three ppl (himself kuina and Luffy) YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME.

the way he carries her sword and the beliefs that gave her hope in her last days with him to the top. crying sobbing I'm w you think about them all the damn time <333

SHADAHKNKAS saw u in the notes of some kuina posts and that made me realize that there is simply a bond with kuina and tashigi fans, who may even often be the same fan, because AOUGHHH KUINA I CARE HIM SO MUCH episode 19 literally changed me forever. swords + gender struggles are all you need to hook me on a character sometimes Maybe. the whole greatest swordsman promise... sob. also. something about zoro promising his name will reach the heavens and trans kuina. which made me think.. what if kuina and The trans fear of dying then having your deadname on your tombstone that you can't do anything about because you're dead. kuina dying before they even get to figure everything out and all of a sudden he's just known as kuina forever, and then zoro making a name for himself in kuina's honor or something idk (i like zoro's backstory) (KUINA )

THERE ISS. people who theorise that they are secretly related or the same person or direct parallels are so close to getting it but don't imo (no shade to those theories tho, I just personally find them narratively unsatisfying).

like they are parallels in that kuina is symbolic of the sexism people suffer and tashigi is an adult woman who has come out the other end sword swinging but ultimately so unsure of herself as a result. also the (trans)genderisms, we are all hand in hand 🤝.

MAN KUINAS STORY BROKE ME DOWN ON A BASE LEVEL AND REWIRED NY BRAIN. I had to take a break from reading just to let it soak in it's so good, a swordsmans promise indeed, that scene was beautiful, I love zoro the world's first a accidental feminist <3. zoro carrying on her dream with his will never not have me in hysterics.

FUCK YEA THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. I have soo many thoughts about baby!zoro and kuina and trangenderism. egg kuina cis zoro, egg kuina STEALTH TRANS ZORO ABSVDJFBKSHDKDN <333.

little baby zoro looking at his grave with the uncontrollable urge to carve out those letters. to carry and rearrange them and make sure they get back to him in the afterlife spelling 'worlds greatest swordsman'.

trans kuina makes me so emotional because ultimately I don't know if they were canonically trans but it's my FAVOURITE 'what if' for them. they never really got to be anyone outside the dojo masters daughter. the failure of a heir and the girl who beat zoro 2001 times. who would they have been if they got to grow up? come to terms with themselves and unlearned all that heavy, painful biases pushed onto them? as a transmasc who's studying into a (cis)male dominated field myself ik, the feelings of 'betrayal' and 'proving misogynists right' and imposter syndrome and inadequacy issues and perfectionism they might've gone through,,, sobbing my eyes out HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO MEE.

zoros backstory is genuinely one of my favourite parts of the manga idc how 'simple' it was it's still beautiful.

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: The Passing Playbook

Author: Isaac Fitzsimons

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Friendship | Drama | Sports | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Transphobia

Overall Rating: 9.2/10

Personal Opinion: My heart goes out to Justice because he is amazing. Not at first, but as you get to know him deeper, you begin to fall for him in the same way that Spencer did. Because you get to see the intelligent, the caring, and the responsible sides to him that make him so special. In a book so heartwarming and so brave, I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

Couple Classification: Spencer Harris X Justice Cortes = Nerd/Jock X Jock

Do I Own This Book? Nope.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- The pun of the title went over my head and it didn’t hit me until I was looking at the cover after I’d finished reading. Oh my god, it’s hilarious. Because it’s a play on passing in soccer and also passing as cis. It’s a really good title, just saying.

- The chemistry of the couple is so electric. I could feel it. I mean, Justice was really all in on Spencer once he got past his initial bitterness. He was never put off by Spencer’s lies or omissions. He told Spencer he needed him and accepted Spencer right away when he came out as trans. And he still really liked Spencer and since he identifies as gay, that just means he sees Spencer as a boy through and through. He is fiercely supportive of Spencer despite coming from such an unsupportive background and honestly, it’s impressive. I can see why soccer meant so much to him because to him, it really was a way out. It’s really no wonder he was so upset by Coach Schilling throwing out the playbook they worked so hard on together when Spence joined the team.

- Macintosh is such a cool and chill captain too. I love that he got bashed in the head by a ball and instantly was like “We need this guy on the team.” I love how confident he is and I love that he’s bi too. He seems like a genuinely good guy.

- Coach Schilling is great too. He felt like a failure because he didn’t do enough for his son and for Spencer. He felt like he didn’t make them feel safe to come to him when they were troubled. He took responsibility like a champ and he put in his best player when the chips were down even though they would’ve been disqualified. I have a lot of respect for him. Even more so when I found out he helped Justice escape his house where he couldn’t be himself. Justice was torn from a progressive school, from his team, from a chance to be out and proud, and Schilling took him to the Youth Soccer Academy as his coach. Like, the amount of respect I have for this man is astronomical. It’s so rare for me to actually like a coach in these books too.

- Theo is the best too. He’s so adorable. He really went and called Spencer “brave” just for existing. His autism makes his life hard and it’s difficult for a lot of people to understand him because of it but I love how his family supports him. And how Macintosh treated him with so much kindness. And how he loves Animal Planet so much that he’s an encyclopedia of animal facts. He’s so sweet too when he poured candy on his big brother’s lap and said, “We can be brave together.” Please, my heart!

- Aiden is such an awesome best friend too? Like he was so supportive of all of Spencer’s decisions. Whether he wanted to be out or in the closet. He never lectured or acted better than Spencer just because he has more years and romantic experience. He happily let both Justice and Riley come to his concert and honestly, he’s just so cool.

- The diversity in this book is just glorious. The protagonist is a transmasc gay black boy. The love interest is gay, the captain is bi, the sub goalie is Asian, the best striker is black, the best friend is trans, the new friend is non-binary, the little brother is neurodivergent, the favorite teacher is black, I am honestly impressed.

- Cory is a good kid too. I love how hard he tries. He kind of reminds me of Yamaguchi from Haikyuu!! A bit of a nervous wreck but an incredible pinch hitter when the team needs him. He really pulled through in that final game when he stopped the other team from scoring one of those penalties. And I also love that he was the first to go to Spencer after that big public coming out. And also the fact that he, Macintosh, and Travis all decided to be bodyguards for Spencer after he came out was so cool too. Especially considering what Spencer had to go through at his old school.

- I almost forgot that Justice also got all the signatures for the petition for the gender neutral bathroom! Considering the fact that his father was the one who protested against the QSA’s previous idea about the same-sex dance tickets, it was a bold move for him to actually contribute directly in helping something queer. Plus, he also stood up to his brother about not wanting to play the devil at the hell house. For a guy who was raised in that kind of home, he’s very progressive and I love him for it.

Dislikes:

- Fuck Justice’s family and the rest of his holier-than-thou uber-Christian community! In particular Martha. Bruh, she was going to out him? And the fact that his church made a haunted house to fear-monger and “kill” people who are doing “bad” things makes me sick to my stomach. Honestly, I get why Spencer reacted the way he did when he saw Justice. His emotions were strung tight after witnessing what he did. So while I do think his reaction was a bit too far considering Justice’s whole situation, I get it.

- I also get why he struggled to talk to his parents and his coach. We never heard the full story of what went down at his old school but from the hints, it sounded like a school shooting had been threatened with Spencer as the intended target. That is fucking terrifying. It’s no wonder that his parents felt overprotective and he was nervous about coming out. I do feel like he still should’ve tried to communicate with them better but I’m a cis guy so I don’t have much room to talk. That being said, Aiden said the same thing as I did so… 

- The pacing was kind of clunky and off. Like during their date, it felt like so much time passed in between various paragraphs? It felt so off. Not bad, exactly, just way too fast-paced. I also could not measure distance very well in my head at all. One second, they were in the living room. Then the kitchen. Then the entrance. Then the office. And mom somehow vanished in between all that. And Theo was nowhere to be seen. I just had no idea how this house was supposed to be laid out.

- Was Justice out to Macintosh? I feel like he probably was. I mean, Macintosh was clearly out to Justice. I guess Grayson really was the only person who knew? And Macintosh was just giving Justice space to come out on his own terms rather than confront him about his relationship with Spencer? Still, I feel like the rest of the team could’ve done a bit better with supporting the two of them. Like when they saw the bullshit happening at the Hell House, I feel like they should’ve called it out better or stayed with Spencer when he decided to leave. Spencer was clearly a bit shaken up by the experience and if everyone suspected that he and Justice were involved, then why didn’t anyone go with him? Make sure he was okay.

- Also what was up with Nate? He was a striker for the team last year and he was romantically involved with Macintosh but what happened? It was mentioned that something messy had happened between them but we never did find out what. Were Macintosh and Nate each other’s dates during homecoming? I feel like that should’ve been mentioned at least. I get that Spencer was the new kid and all but I feel like more people would’ve talked about the queer soccer players that made it to second at state. 

- The QSA man. That one girl that did not support the idea of gender neutral bathrooms is so fucked up. And Grayson really rubbed me the wrong way at times. Still, I do appreciate the efforts he tried to put in. But he should’ve been doing it from the start, whether Riley was the only trans kid at school or not. Gay kids should know better than most that not everyone can be free to be themselves. Some might be in the closet and others could be stealth like Spencer. I am glad Spencer came out to the QSA like that and then walked out. Also glad that Grayson had the option to not chase them but he did and apologized. And he promised to do better too so I appreciate it. Still should’ve been doing more in the beginning. But at least he didn’t out Justice. It’s a low bar but it’s there. 

- I just remembered another communication issue of Spencer. He didn’t mention the doctor’s appointment to anyone until it was too late??? It would’ve been so easy to do that??? And then he proceeded to not apologize to the team or explain himself??? It’s so fucking stupid. It felt like a waste of time to me. Because in my experience, if you just say, “I had a doctor’s appointment” and not go into specifics, no one will ask. 

- But it did create that sweet moment where Justice showed up at his door to pick him up for homecoming. Not to mention, all the other sweet things he did. Slow dancing outside the gym, getting him more fitting cleats from Sal’s lost and found, and telling him, “I’m your vice captain. If you have something to cry about, you can cry to me.” Like what a sweet fucking boy! This should belong in the “Likes” section but I forgot about it until I writing the previous thing.

- That being said, Justice in the beginning was a douchebag. I get it on some level but he still trashed Spencer for literally no reason except jealousy. Thank god Macintosh decided to play Cupid. But Justice was still so unnecessarily rude at first.

[sonickitty]

hey so if someone thought they might possibly be slightly less cis than they assumed would you have any resources you'd wanna point them to, asking for a friend, the friend is me

Hello Friend! It would be my absolute pleasure to point you in a less than cis direction! First off, I’m going to get a little sappy and say your own thoughts and feelings are a very valuable resource! But I also know that’s probably not what you mean, SO - let me try and list out a few things that helped me as I was questioning my gender, and things that continue to help me to this day. 

1. The first thing I did was a lot of thinking about the stories and characters that meant a lot to me throughout my life - especially characters I modeled myself after. What was it about them that I liked, and why were so many of them men? Why did stories about transformation scare/fascinate me so much? Why was I obsessed with ladies in disguise as men when I was a kid? Sometimes your questions are your answers. 

2. Get exposure to trans and gender non-conforming people. Youtube, bloggers, your friends, anyone. Put yourself in the same physical or virtual space and see how you feel there. Are you comfortable? Does it feel right? 

3. Talk to trans and GNC people. I volunteer myself! Just being able to have conversations with other people who were somewhere outside the gender binary really helped me contextualize myself. 

4. I’m sorry I don’t have like, specific links apparently. I feel like there must have been articles that I read, but I’ve lost track of all of them. I remember liking Jack Monroe’s quote about still “being on the girl’s team,” which made me feel confident about supporting and celebrating women while stepping away from them. 

5. I’m trying to think of books I read early in my transition, but damn, I have to admit...there was a lot of Captain America fanfic. I also read Gender Trouble, Orlando, Les Guerilleres, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name, The History of Sexuality and then a lot of Drarry fanfic. I do remember reading a lot about women and lesbians as a sort of cat-in-the-hat “find out what it’s not” technique. I read about lesbians and queer women and knew I wasn’t one. (Years later, I read Maurice and freaked out like a kitten seeing its reflection for the first time.)

6. I wasn’t kidding about you being your own resource. This thought came from you. Your brain, filled with all the thoughts and experiences you’ve processed, came up with this idea of who you might be. So while you’re collecting resources and thoughts from other people, check in with yourself and see how those new ingredients make you taste. 

7. Sorry for suggesting you taste yourself??? But what I mean is - the way you think of yourself is significant on its own. Your questions have their own value, and simply asking them is significant. In other words that I found helpful early in my transition, “cis people don’t just sit around wondering if they’re cis.” 

8. I’m not sure the above is true? I think it’s good and constructive to question yourself, even if you end up back where you started. Cis people should feel free to question their genders and still wind up cis. But the difference, as far as I can tell, is something like this: 

My sibling and I go on a lot of walks together and sometimes we hear frogs or birds in the woods. I hear the sound, but I don’t need to know what it is. It melts into my atmosphere, and that is enough for me because I find the walk itself more edifying that stopping to investigate. My sibling always stops, and says “I think that’s a bramble-throated burbler!” or somesuch, and then creeps off in the direction of the sound to get a closer look. 

I think trans people are like my sibling. Cis people can have these thoughts in a way that melts into their existing realities and identities without disturbing their foundations. Trans people have to know. We have to wander off into the woods and name what sings to us. 

[madi2112]

Sunshine and Lolipops

I sincerely wish that this blogairy had a more positive tone. Especially lately.

I wish it was filled more often with uplifting stories of fun and good times. Of sharing pictures and feelings about beautiful places, wonderful people and special events.

I truly do.

Unfortunately, that's not the way things are most of the time right now.

Sure, I could only choose to write about the positives but that would be disingenuous if that's not what I'm actually feeling.

And being open and honest is the most important part of this blogairy.

So if negative is what my mindset is at the time, then that's what I will share.

If it's positive then I will share that as well.

What happened today was an example of a wonderfully positive experience.

It was totally unexpected and deeply effected me. For all the right reasons.

I hope I can do the situation justice...

It was a busy day at work and I wasn't scheduled to train any new Castmembers.

This meant that I would be performing the regular day in, day out duties that I usually teach others, myself.

My least favorite thing to do.

I had just returned from my lunch break and was on my way through the restaurant to attend a quick meeting.

Suddenly a tall teenage woman was standing in front of me and asked me by name if she could talk to me.

It caught me by surprise.

Both in the fact that a guest had requested to speak with me, but also that they called me by name.

I smiled and said "Sure. How can I assist you today?" My standard greeting.

I could see the guest was hesitant, bordering on shy and looked uneasy.

A soft voice said.

"I'm like you" she was almost whispering.

"Your the first person I've seen like me, and it feels so great to know I'm not alone".

I gasped.

"Your trans?" I questioned

"Yea" she replied.

She was only slightly shorter then I am. Making her about 5'11" or maybe 6' (to my 6'4")

I had to take a second look at her.

"Really?! You look fantastic!"

She tanked me and told me about how at school she knew a couple of non- binary people but no one else transgender.

She then said she was proud of me, thought it was awesome I worked at Disney and that I was an inspiration to her.

I was speechless.

I was getting a bit unsettled about discussing this in the middle of a crowded restaurant. I'm pretty sure she was too.

"Would you like to find somewhere else we can talk?" I asked her.

"Definitely!" She replied.

I lead her out to the lobby and back to a quite corner where no was within 15 feet.

I asked her how transition was going and how long she had been at it.

She was eager to share the details with me.

She had started young at age 8 and had been on HRT for 9 years already!

She was on puberty blockers and Estrogen and was so happy she found someone to talk to about it.

I asked her if she had documented her transition.

She has written poetry about it!

I was having difficulties putting sentences togather by now as I was getting overcome by emotions. I wish I could have pulled it togather and made better conversation, but I was doing all I could not to cry right then.

She continued to complement me and I tried to keep the focus on her.

We talked a little while longer and she introduced me to her sister.

It melted my heart and I was so happy and relieved knowing she had support from her family.

She thanked me again for being me and I blushed and wished her all the best.

I wanted to give her something to remember our conversation by. All I had in my pocket was a few kids stickers of Lady and the Tramp I always have with me. So that's what I gave her.

She held it to her chest and thanked me again.

I ran off to me meeting and tried to stay focused. It wasn't easy.

When the meeting was over I returned to the restaurant and another Castmembers gave me a gift she had left for me as she exited.

It was a character pin.

The character was giving a wink like two people sharing a secret do.

I lost it and starting crying. I regained a bit of composure and excused myself. I stepped out the side door of the restaurant to a place I knew would be secluded.

And let the tears wash over me.

Later as I replayed our conversation in my head I felt bad.

I had told her how to find this blogairy.

This blogairy that contains so much sorrow and pain. So much despair. So much talk of giving up on life.

I'm not sure if she will remember the very brief instructions I told her to find this, but if she does I have a message for her:

Dear V_____ from Tampa,

I want to thank you for mustering up the courage to come talk to me today.

I am honored that you feel inspired in any way by me.

You are a truly fantastic person and your words today moved me more then you could ever possibly know.

You have a terrific future ahead of you and this is only the beginning. You have great support from your loving family, an awesome sister (thank you for introducing me to N___) and a caring boyfriend. All who accept you and love you for who you are. Cherish that forever.

I wish you all the best and hope that you will always be true to yourself.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me or come visit me anytime.

Your friend Madison.

I hope she see this. Something in my gut says she will.

~Madison

[shiredded]

A white animation student’s take on Soul and POC cartoons

This got long but there’s lots of pretty pictures to go with it.

Hi, I’m Shire and I’m as white as a ripped-off Pegasus prancing on a stolen van. Feel free to add to my post, especially if you are poc. The next generation of animators needs your voice now more than ever.

My opinion doesn’t matter as much here because I’m not part of the people being represented. 

But I am part of the people to whom this film is marketed, and as the market, I think I should be Very Aware of what media does to me. 

And as the future of animation, I need to do something with what I know.

I am very white. I have blue eyes and long blond hair. I’ve seen countless protagonists, love interests, moms, and daughters that look like me. If I saw an animated character that looks like me turn into a creature for the majority of a movie, I would cheer. Bring it on! I have plenty of other representation that tells me I’m great just the way I am, and I don’t need to change to be likable. 

The moment Soul’s premise was released, many people of color expressed mistrust and disappointment on social media. Let me catch you up on the plot according to the new (march 2020) trailer. (It’s one of those dumb modern trailers that tells you the entire plot of the movie including the climax; so I recommend only watching half of it)

Our protagonist, Joe Gardner, has a rich (not in the monetary sense) and beautiful life. He has dreams! He wants to join a jazz band! So far his life looks, to me, comforting, amazing, heartfelt, and real. I’m excited to learn about his family and his music. 

Some Whoknowswhat happens, and he enters a dimension where everyone, himself included, is represented by glowing, blue, vaguely humanoid creatures. They’re adorable! But they sure as heck aren’t brown. The most common response seems to be dread at the idea of the brown human protagonist spending the majority of his screen time as a not-brown, not-human creature. 

The latest trailer definitely makes that look pretty darn true. He does spend most of the narrative - chronologically - as a blob. 

but

That isn’t the same as his screen time. 

From the look of the trailer, Joe and his not-yet-born-but-already-tired-of-life soul companion tour Joe’s story in all of its brown-skinned, human-shaped, life-loving glory. The movie is about life, not about magic beans that sing and dance about burping (though I won’t be surprised if that happens too.)

Basically! My conclusion is “it’s not as bad as it looked at first, and it looks like a wonderful story.”

but

That doesn’t mean it’s ok. 

Yes, Soul is probably going to be a really important and heartfelt story about life, the goods, the bads, the dreams, and the bonds. That story uses a fun medium to view that life; using bright, candy-bowl colors and a made-up world to draw kids in with their parents trailing behind. 

It’s a great story and there’s no reason to not create a black man for the lead role. There’s no reason not to give this story to people of color. It’s not a white story. This is great!

Except...

we’ve kind of

done this

a lot

The Book of Life and Coco also trade in their brown-skinned cast for a no-skinned cast, but I don’t know enough about Mexican culture to say those are bad and I haven't picked up on much pushback to those. There’s more nuance there, I think. 

I cut the above pics together to show how the entire ensemble changes along with the protagonist. We can lose entire casts of poc. Emperor's New Groove keeps its cast as mostly human so at least we have Pacha

And while the animals they interact with might be poc-coded, there’s nothing very special or affirming about “animals of color.” 

So, Soul.

Are we looking at the same thing here?

It’s no secret by now that this is an emerging pattern in animation. But not all poc-starring animated films have this same problem. We have Moana! With deuteragonists (basically co-protagonists) of color, heck yeah.

 Aladdin... Pocahontas... The respect those films have for their depicted culture is... an essay for another time. Mulan fits here too. the titular characters’ costars are either white, or blue, and/or straight up animals. But hey, they don’t turn into animals, and neither do the supporting cast/love interests.

Dreamworks’ Home (2015) is also worth mentioning as a poc-led film where the  deuteragonist is kind of a purple blob. But the thing I like a lot about Home is that it’s A Nice Story, where there’s no reason for the protagonist to not be poc, so she is poc. Spiderverse has a black lead with a white (or masked, or animal) supporting cast. But, spiderverse also has Miles’ dad, mom, uncle, and Penny Parker.

I’d like to see more of that.

And less of this

if you’re still having trouble seeing why this is a big deal, let’s try a little what-if scenario. 

This goes out to my fellow white girls (including LGBTA white girls, we are not immune to propaganda racism)

imagine for a second you live in a world where animation is dominated to the point of almost total saturation by protagonist after protagonist who are boys/men. You do get the occasional woman-led film, but maybe pretend that 30 to 40 percent of those films are like

(We’re pretending for a second that Queen Eleanor was the protagonist, because I couldn’t think of any animated movies where the white lady protagonist turns into and stays an animal for the majority of the film)

Or, white boys and men, how would you feel if your most popular and marketable representation was this?

Speaking of gender representation, binary trans and especially nonbinary trans people are hard pressed to find representation of who they are without the added twist of Lizard tails or horns and the hand-waving explanation of “this species doesn’t do gender” But again, that’s a different essay.

Let’s look at what we do have. In reality, we (white people) have so much representation that having a fun twist where we spend most of the movie seeing that person in glimpses between colorful, glittering felt characters that reflect our inner selves is ok. 

Wait, that aesthetic sounds kind of familiar...

But I digress. Inside Out was a successful and honestly helpful and important movie.  I have no doubt in my mind that Soul will meet and surpass it in quality and and in message. 

There is nothing wrong with turning your protagonist of color into an animal or blob for most of their own movie. 

But it’s part of a larger pattern, and that pattern tells people of color that their skin would be more fun if it was blue, or hairy, or slimy, or something. It’s fine to have films like that because heck yeah it would be fun to be a llama. But it’s also fun to not be a llama. It’s fun to be a human. It’s fun to be yourself. I don’t think children of color are told that enough. 

At least, not by mainstream studios. (The Breadwinner, produced by Cartoon Saloon)

It’s not like all these mainstream poc movies are the result of racist white producers who want us to equate people of color with animals. In fact, most of those movies these days have people of color very high up, as directors, writers, or at the very least, a pool of consultants of color.

These movies aren’t evil. They aren’t even that intrinsically racist (Pocahontas can go take a hike and rethink its life, but we knew that.) It’s that we need more than just the shape-shifting narratives of our non-white protagonists. 

It’s not like there isn’t an enormous pool of ideas, talent, visions and scripts already written and waiting to be produced. There is.

But they somehow don’t make it past the head executives, way above any creative team, who make the decisions, aiming not for top-of-the-line stories, but for the Bottom line of sales.

When Disney acquired Pixar, their main takeover was in the merchandising department. The main target for their merchandise are, honestly, white children.

So is it much of a surprise

that they are more often greenlighting things palatable for as many “discerning” mothers as possible?

I saw just as many Tiana dolls as frog toys on the front page of google, so don’t worry too much about The Princess And The Frog. Kids love her. But I didn’t find any human figures of Kenai from Brother Bear, except for dolls wearing a bear suit. 

So. What do I think of Soul? 

I think it’s going to be beautiful. I think it’s going to be a great movie.

But I also think people of color deserve more. 

Let’s take one more look at the top people who went into making this movie.

Of the six people listed here, five are white. Kemp Powers, one of the screenplay writers, is black. 

It’s cool to see women reaching power within the animation industry, but this post isn’t about us.

We need to replace the top execs and get more projects greenlit that send the message that african, asian, latinix, middle eastern, and every other non-white ethnicity is perfect and relatable as the humans they were meant to be. 

Disney is big enough that they can - and therefore should - take risks and produce movies that aren’t as “marketable” simply because art needs to be made. People need to be loved.

Come on, millennials and Gen Z. We can do better.

We Will do better.

TLDR: A lot of mainstream animation turns its protagonists of color into animals or other creatures. I (white) don’t think that’s a bad thing, except for the fact that we don’t get enough poc movies that AREN’T weird. Support Soul; it’s not going to be as bad as you think. It’s probably gonna be really good. Let’s make more good movies about people of color that stay PEOPLE of color.

[newhologram]

Now that I'm once again committing to being openly #trans, stepping out of the rain and under the umbrella that used to keep me dry, I wrote something up for family, friends, and followers who may have questions:

Dear family, friends, and Holograms: Thank you for your kind messages. Even though most of you already knew this about me for so long, it feels so good to be more public, to be a voice just by being me, and to have your support. It's amazing to me to see that many of you have stepped into the role of an ally and are willing to learn more.

I'm writing this up to maybe offer some clarifications on things relating to trans identity in general but mostly my personal experience with gender. It's my hope that this will give you a template to work from. I don't want anyone to be so worried about offending me that they don't know how to talk to/about me. I want this to be comfortable for all of us. This is only my experience of gender at this time, so please remember that if you meet another trans/nb person, they will likely have a completely different experience than me.

Let's start with queer, which is an umbrella term for anyone who is not cisgender and/or heterosexual. It can be a useful label for someone who is not interested in having to spell out both their sexual/romantic orientation and their gender identity every time (it can get complicated even for us). Some of us might not fit neatly into the letters of LGBTQIA (notice it contains Q still) so this is the reason some people are comfortable with the label. Sometimes we do fit into the acronym, but queer is inclusive and we like it. It's also what's often used in academia. Queer history, queer literature, queer art, etc. Freddie Mercury is often referred to as a queer icon for example. Now, it can be a regional thing, as in some parts of America, queer is not considered a reclaimed slur (since it means "weird") like it is for say, a lot of Californians. While some of us feel empowered to own being "different" or "weird" while fighting for representation and rights, others may object to being called "not normal". Ultimately it's always up to the individual to decide what they are comfortable calling themselves, not what other people should be allowed to call themselves. I was always the weird kid and I have so much trauma around that and as an adult I'm like... yeah, you know what, I'm queer and proud. Now onto gender which is the focus of this post: transgender is an umbrella term. Trans as a prefix means "across" or "beyond", so transgender people have experiences and identities across or beyond gender. Non-binary is a gender identity under the trans umbrella. It refers to identities that are not strictly within the binary of man or woman. Non-binary itself is another umbrella term for many different genders such as agender (without gender), pangender (all genders), genderfluid (gender that shifts and changes), and many more. Gender is complex and varied across cultures and societies, so that's why there are so many different ways to describe it. Some may feel that not just one word works for their experience, so they may choose multiple labels or maybe even none at all. AFAB (assigned female at birth) and AMAB (assigned male at birth) is a way to describe what our assigned sex is without using "biological" or "born a (sex/gender)" as this is often used to invalidate trans experience --however, a lot of trans people who have transitioned may find it helpful to describe their experience as "born (and raised as) a girl" (again, up to the individual). We are all assigned sexes at birth but this obviously has no bearing on our gender identity or expression.

When I was a teen, "transsexual" was commonly used to describe a transgender person who transitioned, but this has fallen mostly out of use by now--But remember that being trans is not just about medically transitioning to another sex. There are many trans/nb people who do not transition, or who may make changes here and there to make their bodies more comfortable and fit their identity without necessarily transitioning. Whether or not this is a transition is going to be up to the individual. The social transition of coming out as trans/nb can be just as drastic as anything medical. (For those wondering why it even matters when celebrities come out as trans/nb if they aren't going to "change their bodies"--Visibility and authenticity. Just like I'm doing.)

Now on to me: I cannot accurately or concisely describe my lived experience of gender since it's informed every other experience of my life, but I will try. I'm NB and I definitely don't feel like a woman, but this doesn't necessarily mean I feel like a man either. "Boy" and "girl" do feel more relatable and accessible for some reason. I feel simultaneously and alternatingly like either, both, neither, all, any, and also just me.

Like I said, I can't really describe it. But for whatever reason, "boy", especially "feminine boy" has always felt more like my default energy. Don't ask me why, it is what it is. When I put on makeup, I never feel like a girl doing it even if I'm consciously exploring an archetype like "flapper girl" for example. It has always felt like princess drag to me. People were clocking me on this even when I tried to be a normal "girl". I often wonder if this is why I always felt so ugly before and now when I fully embody my gender as it is, I suddenly feel beautiful and comfortable. I feel closest to feminine or fluid archetypes, it's just how I express myself. This would not change if I were AMAB, I'd be just as feminine. I'd still be the same me.

Pronouns, for me: I can't say that my feelings on this will stay the same forever, but for now, I'm okay with any and all pronouns. I have some longtime followers who refer to me as he/him and that's amazing and so affirming!! *chef's kiss* But it's totally okay to use she/her with me too. Because I am aligned with feminine archetypes, I can't resist using she/her for myself often especially if I'm all dressed up in kawaii drag. They/them is also acceptable. This also goes for it being okay to refer to me as either a girl or a boy (or gendered family relation terms. But like, I'm Mommy to my cats, not Daddy xD)--Even though I'm not strictly one or the other, I feel all genders. While I agree with the common AFAB feeling of it being frustrating that she/her/girl/woman is always going to be considered my default by most people, and that this is/was a source of a lot of my gender dysphoria, I promise you won't offend me by referring to me as such. Often when speaking out my experience of being perceived as a woman, I might refer to myself as such because I'm talking about the way I am interacted with. (ie, it's okay to DM me like "HEY GIRL:･ﾟ✧ but the only way you’ll actually offend me is to insist I am “just a girl”/invalidate my lived experience/try to dictate my identity and labels)

It's still hard for me to share this very vulnerable part of my identity, even after having talked about it for 10 years online and with friends already. I'm probably going to keep having waves of anxiety over this as I shift into living daily life from the truest expression of myself. It really is enough for now to have you recognizing and acknowledging this very special big part of who I am and how I live. To be able to say it now everywhere and not just on my blog feels like a new universe being born. In closing, here are examples if that was too much information to ingest and understand all at once and you're not sure what words to use when referring to me: "This is my [family member], she's queer." "This is my friend New's page, he's non-binary." "This is my coworker's art, she's genderfluid." "This is a blogger I follow, they're pangender." "New is a trans model, this is his latest work." These labels and pronouns are all fine! :> I love you all. Thank you for letting me shine.