#won’t Hyde tag this. sad

[i-am-mrhyde]

R.I.P Henry Jekyll you would’ve loved legal gay marriage

[rogeriswater]

Don't Leave Me Now

xxiv

This work contains fictionalized versions of real events and people. Most details won’t be accurate to real life.

tags for this chapter: p.o.v changes, maggie's stepdad being an asshole, yelling and one instance of bottle throwing, sexually explicit content, oral sex (m receiving), p in v sex

~m.r~

Today, we were set to play at a free concert in Hyde Park. It was also be our last show before we continue our tour in America. I told Lee and Ginny about it, and they promised that they would come watch. It would also be their first time seeing me perform. They mentioned afterwards that they would be heading to mum and Steve's for dinner. And they managed to convince me to go. I brought it up when I was on the phone with Roger, and he promised me that he would go with me. That was honestly the only thing easing my mind about it.

"Roger, I'm telling you now, you will not like Steve" I tried to convince him. I was terrified at the thought of my step-father harming my lover.

"Darling, I want to go for you, okay?" He said. "If he lays one hand on you, I'm prepared to beat the shit out of him"

I blushed at Roger's protectiveness over me. "I couldn't ask you to do that for me, Rog"

"But I want to. I'll protect you from any man that tries to steal you away from me" His voice deepened as he recited possessively. "You're mine, darling"

I grinned as I bit my lip. "I'm yours"

Ever since that day we made love, Roger and I have been closer than ever. There's not a day that goes by that we don't see each other, and even if we have our days off, we make sure to at least call one another. Billy's been questioning me about the phone calls, but I never told him about them.

A knock on the door caught my attention. I answered and my brother immediately pushed his way inside. "Yes, come right in!" I sarcastically said.

Lee looked smug. "Don't mind if I do, magpie" He settled himself right on the couch.

At least Ginny waited until I waved her inside before she came in. My sister-in-law had a lot more manners than my brother does, that's for sure. "That's a gorgeous dress" I was wearing a shiny silver dress. It was fairly loose on me. "Mags, Roger is still joining us for dinner, right?" Ginny asked me, after giving me a small kiss on the cheek.

I nodded. "Are you sure you guys don't mind I invited him?"

Ginny smiled as she shook her head. "Of course not. Roger seemed really nice when we met him, and it'd be lovely to see him again"

"You sure he isn't your boyfriend?" I know Lee was teasing me, but hearing him say that made me suck in a breath.

"Lee! Don't tease your sister like that!" Ginny scolded her husband. "Women can be close friends with a man without there being anything remotely romantic or sexual about it. Besides, Maggie isn't a cheater" Ginny grimaced. "I can't stand people who cheat. Man or woman"

Before Ginny met Lee, she was engaged to a man who was having an affair with another woman, who happened to be her sister no less. There would be no way in hell I would ever tell Ginny about Roger and I. She would disown me and I didn't want to lose my sister-in-law. "Ready then?" I asked the two of them.

"Billy not coming?" Lee questioned the whereabouts of my husband.

I shrugged. "With some friends" I had told him about the concert, but I guess his plans with his friends was more important than me.

Ginny could sense my sadness. "Oh, honey" She gently grabbed my chin. "You and Billy will work things out. You two will be married forever, I know it"

All I could do was force a smile. Yeah. Billy and I. Married forever. Years ago, that being said would make me feel like the happiest woman in the world. But now hearing it, makes me feel so disappointed.

...

When we got to Hyde Park, it was a packed audience. I weaved my way through the crowd, working my way towards the performers area, with Lee and Ginny following close behind me. We found it and I immediately heard a voice calling for me.

"Maggie!" It was Rick coming to run and greet me.

"Rick!" I greeted him back. He captured me in a hug. "Lovely day for concert, is it not?"

Rick grinned and nodded. "Quite!" His attention turned towards my siblings. "Lee and Ginny, right?"

Ginny flashed a kind smile. "You remembered!" I let my brother and my sister-in-law catch up with Rick, as I went to find the rest of my band mates. I took notice of all the other performers today. They were all either talking amongst themselves, or warming up. I eventually found the rest of my band.

I don't know what I walked into but Roger and David were in the middle of some sort of argument. Nick was sitting off to the side, watching them. Though, once he saw me, he stood up and walked over to me. "They've been going at it for several minutes now" He said to me.

"What about?" I asked.

Nick shrugged. "Hell if I know. I've just learned to stay out of it when Roger is involved"

I approached the two of them. Roger had his back turned to me, but David saw me coming and his frown turned into a smile. "Maggie" He greeted me.

Roger turned around and his hard stare turned into a soft gaze when he saw me. "Sunshine!" He so affectionately greeted me. I saw it in his eyes. The way he wanted to grab me and kiss me. And I wanted that too. But we couldn't.

Rick had returned with Lee and Ginny in tow. While they talked with the rest of the boys, a hand was grabbing mine and pulling me away to the most private spot we could find. We found our privacy behind a rather large tree. He pressed me up against it gently as his hand cupped my face.

"Hi" He spoke softly to me.

I giggled. "Hi"

He pressed a tender kiss to my lips. "You're so pretty today. Pretty every fucking day" I had the urge to put his cock in my mouth. I got on my knees and unzipped his pants. "Someone's hungry for cock, aren't they?" I pulled him out of his pants and immediately took him in my mouth. Roger leaned against the tree and fisted at my hair all the while he stared down at me. "Your mouth feels so good around my cock. You know how to suck it just right, don't you? You're a filthy fucking minx"

His vulgar praises encouraged me to suck faster. I was in heaven with his heavy cock in my mouth. I loved how he was too big to fit completely in my mouth. I loved the way his tip kept hitting the back of my throat, and it would cause me to gag, which I could tell Roger loved by the way he would groan. I wanted him to cum. I wanted to taste him.

Without warning, I felt the salty yet sweet taste of his load hitting my tongue. I didn't dare take him out of my mouth until I made sure he was done. His cock fell out of my mouth. He tucked himself back in his pants as I swallowed his cum. As soon as I stood back up, he cupped my face and kissed me, not caring about the fact that he came in my mouth only moments ago.

"Shall we head back now?" I asked.

"Not quite yet, darling" Roger dropped to his knees and pushed my dress up. "It's only fair I lick your cunt, don't you think?" With that, my legs were spread, and his tongue was delving into my pussy, devouring me as if I were his last meal.

...

Roger and I returned to the performers area. I don't think anyone noticed we were gone. Roger grabbed his bass and worked on tuning it. "So, what should I expect when I met your stepdad today?" He asked me.

"He's a condescending asshole who thinks his opinion is better than everyone else's" I angrily spat.

Roger smirked. "So he's like me then?"

I laughed. "Believe me, you are nothing like him. You're not an abusive drunk" Roger's smile fell and reached over to touch my shoulder. His touch immediately brought me comfort. "Just promise me if he tries to antagonize you, don't react to it, please?"

"I won't be able to make any promises if he lays a hand on you" He said.

Roger looked off to the side and he quickly took his hand off of me. I looked over my shoulder and saw why. Our manager was walking towards us. "Hello, Rourkie" I had affectionately called him. I had taken to calling him that, mostly to differentiate him from the other Steve in my life.

"Can never find one of you without the other, can I?" Rourkie said. Perhaps I was being paranoid, but I swore I could've sensed suspicion in his tone. "Anyways, you guys are up next" With that, he left us alone.

When I was sure Rourkie was gone and that no one else was watching, I grabbed Roger's face with both of my hands and kissed him. When I pulled away, he looked at me with a goofy smile. "Can't get enough of me, can you?" He said, sounding so happy.

"I really can't" I giggled, not being able to contain my happiness myself.

...

It was another successful performance. At the end of our set, we had received applause and we bowed to the crowd. As soon as we got off the stage, Rourkie greeted us clapping his hands with a proud grin on his face. "Excellent as always!" He praised us. Rourkie then approached my and slung his arm over my shoulder as he brought me into a side hug. "The crowd especially loves you, Maggie. They can't keep their eyes off of you"

I couldn't help but blush at the compliment. Rourkie had let me go and told us that we were free to go or stay and watch the other bands. When Rourkie left, Nick immediately starting with the teasing. "I think it's clear who Steve's favourite is"

I rolled my eyes. "I am not anyone's favourite"

"You're certainly Roger's favourite" Nick added another cheeky comment. I lightly smacked him on the arm. "Ow! I was only joking!"

"Look, I'm not looking to be favoured over you guys, and I don't try to steal the spotlight" I felt like I had to defend myself. "It's just, when I sing I have to move and—"

Rick cut me off. "It's alright, Maggie. People can't but help watch when a pretty woman sings and dances on a stage. We certainly don't mind"

I truly loved these boys. They were so awfully kind to me. I felt a touch on my arm. It wasn't Roger. I had grown quite familiar with his touch my now so I knew whenever he did. But this wasn't his touch. It was David's as I saw. "Hello David"

"You were incredible as always" He immediately jumped into the compliments. It was always like this with David. He'd pull me aside after a show to tell me how great of a job I did.

"Don't sell yourself short, David. You were wonderful as well" I told him.

He grinned and I swear I even saw him blush a little. "Maggie, can I confess something to you?"

My eyebrows raised. "Of course. What is it?"

"Well, I happen to think that you're extremely bea—"

"Sunshine!" Roger interrupted what David was about to say. David was clearly annoyed that he had been interrupted. "Your brother and Ginny are waiting for us"

"Roger, you just interrupted David!" I scolded him. I gave David my attention again. "You were saying?"

David sighed. "It's not important. You two are going to Maggie's mum's for dinner, yeah?"

"We are"

"Have a lovely dinner then" David bid us before parting ways.

"Roger, is it really necessary for you to cut in on a conversation I'm trying to have?" I asked him.

"Is it wrong to want you all to myself?" He asked me. I gave him a look. "I was kidding, darling"

"Mhm. Let's go then" I said. I grabbed his hand and pulled him through the crowd of people until we met with Lee and Ginny. As soon as we came into their view, Roger and I let go of each other's hands.

"Maggie, that was an incredible show!" Ginny gushed. "I didn't know you could move like that!"

"Like what?" I really didn't think there was anything special to the way I danced.

"So sensually"

"The guys standing next to us certainly thought so" Lee recalled. "Kept saying how they'd like to see how your moves compared in bed"

"What?" I heard Roger angrily mutter.

"I hate hearing guys talk about you like that. You're my sister, not some piece of meat that men think they can just fuck and toss to the curb"

"Your brother is right" Roger agreed. I don't know who was angrier about the comments made. My brother or my lover?

"Right" Ginny cleared her throat. "Let's get going before we're late to dinner, yeah?"

~r.w~

We approached the front door of Maggie's mum's house. Ginny knocked on the door. "Now Roger, I don't know much Maggie has told you about Steve" She began to tell me as we waited for an answer. I could hear her own disdain when she spoke about the man. "But if he says anything rude to you, don't let it get to you. Not one breath deserves to be wasted on that man"

The door was opened by Francine. "My babies!" She greeted her children. She gave each of them a kiss on the cheek. "Roger! What a pleasant surprise!"

"Hi Francine" I waved to her. "It's good to see you again"

"You too, my dear" She said before kissing me on the cheek as well. She ushered us inside. "Where is Billy, Maggie?"

"He made other plans today" Maggie explained.

"Oh, no matter. I prefer the date you brought with you instead!" Francine winked at me. We followed her into the family room. The television was on and being watched by a man sitting in lounge chair. "Steve, the rest of your children are here!"

 So this was him. He did nothing but grumble an inaudible response. "Mummy!" A voice called and a little boy came running down the stairs. The boy stopped in front of us. I believe this was Bobby, Maggie's nephew and Lee and Ginny's son. Ronnie and Sandy came following after them.

"Roger!" Ronnie saw me. "Wasn't expecting you to join us for dinner"

"You sound disappointed to see me" I joked with her.

"Incredibly" She joked back.

Bobby walked up to Maggie and I. He looked up at me. "I remember you from Christmas. Do you remember me?"

"I do. Your name is Bobby, right?" I asked him, and he nodded. "Do you remember my name?"

"Yes! You're Uncle Roger" What a smart little fellow he was.

"Can all my girls help me in the kitchen please?" Francine asked.

"Ooh!" Bobby's arm shot up in the air. "Can I help too?" None of the girls objected as he followed them into the kitchen.

"Roger, could I grab you a beer or anything?" Lee offered me.

"That would be great" I accepted. He went into the kitchen to go fetch the drinks. That left me alone with Steve. I sat down on the couch.

"You" He spoke to me. I looked at him. Appearance wise, he looked like a mean old man. He looked quite reminiscent of a mean teacher I once had in school. "You're in that band with Maggie, yeah?"

"That would be me, sir" I answered, trying to be polite. Just from what Maggie had told me about him alone, I already didn't like him.

"And which one are ya?"

"Roger. I play bass"

"Roger" He repeated my name. It sounded menacing coming from his mouth. There was a twinge of a Scottish accent. "Tell me, Roger, have you fucked her yet?"

"Excuse me?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if you did. She's a slut that can't keep her legs shut"

Who the fuck does he think he is? He has no right to talk about Maggie like that. "She's not a slut. She's an amazing woman and you should be proud to have her as your daughter"

He scowled. "That little bitch will never be my daughter"

I could've punched him in the face right then and there but luckily Lee came out. He looked between us and sensed the hostility. "Roger, why don't you and I have our drinks outside?" He suggested. I followed him outside. We sat on the steps of the porch. "What did he say to you?" Lee asked me suddenly.

"Son of a bitch had the nerve to call Maggie a slut" I angrily recalled.

I saw Lee's grip tighten around the beer bottle. "We never understood what mum saw in him. Maybe she was just desperate to get married and get us a father"

"Maggie told me about him" I mentioned. "Your real father that is" Lee's eyebrows raised, like he was surprised. "What?"

"It's just, she never wants to talk about him with us. I try to ask her what she remembered about him, but I can never get a word" Lee explained. He then sighed. "Actually, she rarely tells us anything personal going on. It's like she's put up this wall and no one can break through. It makes us worry"

That didn't sound like the Maggie I knew at all. She was very open with me, just as I was with her. I probably knew more about her than her own family did. "Can I ask you something?" Lee nodded and I continued with my question. "I don't want it to sound like I'm prying into business or anything, but how do you feel about Maggie's marriage?"

"Well, if I'm being honest with you, I never really liked Billy to begin with" His answer surprised me. "Something just never felt right about the guy, and still doesn't if I'm being honest. Only reason I put up with him is because Maggie loves him" Lee then chuckled to himself, finding something amusing.

"What?" I asked, wanting to know what was so funny.

"I don't see their marriage lasting much longer. And when she finally signs those divorce papers, I'm cracking open a bottle of champagne" Hearing Lee say that gave me hope. I really did want to be with Maggie forever but I couldn't do that when she was still married. "Can I be honest with you, Roger? I like you, and honestly, Maggie would be better off with you"

Lee and I spent quite a bit of time talking and joking around. I was pleased with myself that I got along well with both of Maggie's siblings. I was half-tempted to tell Lee the truth about how far my relationship with Maggie went, but I refrained. Besides, it was up to her if she wanted her brother to know.

"Boys!" Lee and I turned to see Maggie standing on the porch. "Mum told me to fetch you both for dinner"

Lee stood up first. Right before he went inside, he stopped to whisper something in Maggie's ear. Whatever it was, caused her to smile and look at me. Lee then disappeared into the house, leaving us alone. I stood up and walked over to her, grabbing her waist and pulling her tight against me. "What did he say to you that was so amusing?"

She placed her hands on my chest as she grinned up at me. "Said if things don't work out between me and Billy, I should try things with you instead"

"I'm guessing he approves of me then?"

"He warmed up faster to you then he did Billy, that's for sure" She mentioned. Her hand grabbed mine and she started pulling me towards the door. "Let's go eat"

...

Upon entering the dining room, we saw that everyone had taken a seat at the table, leaving two chairs open for Maggie and I, which happened to be next to Francine. We took our seats and as I sat down, I couldn't help that Francine lightly patted my arm. I looked at her and she smiled kindly at me.

It was a relatively quiet dinner. I noticed that Ginny and Sandy were the ones who steered the conversation most of the time. Steve stayed quiet most of the time, but I couldn't be too bothered about that. Didn't seem like anyone was. Maggie became engrossed in conversation with her siblings and I managed to catch something about an annual road trip.

"How is the food, my dear?" Francine asked me.

"It's delicious, Francine" I told her. "You're a wonderful cook"

"Thank you! What a sweet boy you are, Roger" She touched my face. "Why couldn't Maggie have met you earlier and married you instead?" Her words surprised me. Did everyone in this family just secretly despise Billy? What had he done that made everyone hate him? I couldn't help but notice that Ronnie and Lee were looking at me, like they knew something. The two of them made eye contact with Francine, before she sighed. "Roger, could you meet us in the kitchen?"

Francine got up, as did Ronnie and Lee. They made their way into the kitchen. I did the same thing, following after them. When I got in there, the three of them were muttering to each other. Lee was the first to notice my presence. "Maggie didn't follow you in here, did she?" He asked.

"No" I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why? Is everything alright with her?"

"She's fine, dear" Francine assured me.

"Okay, then what's this all about?"

Ronnie crossed her arms over her chest and stiffened a bit. "Rog, I know I promised I wouldn't say anything but Lee and mum know about you and Maggie"

That infuriated me. "Ronnie, how could you do that!?"

"Relax, Roger" Lee held out his hands. "We haven't told anyone and we don't plan to. Besides, we support your relationship"

 "Just, please don't let Maggie know that we know" Francine asked. "When she's ready to tell us, she will"

"Now, as to the reason we wanted to talk to you, I'm pretty sure you know that none of us particularly care for Billy" Ronnie began.

"I've noticed" I nodded.

"Now, we didn't always dislike Billy" I could hear Lee scoffing at that. "But things changed after Lee found something shortly after Billy and Maggie got married"

"I found a letter about a week after their wedding" Lee began to explain. I could see his jaw clenching just from talking about it. "It was a letter written to Billy from some girl named Carolyne" Oh. I saw where this was going. "I can't remember what exactly the letter said but it was along lines of "even though you're married now, our love will never die and it will be as strong as ever" blah blah blah"  I could see Francine tearing up. "No doubt Billy's parents set them up or something. Probably another rich bitch like he is"

"None of you told Maggie?" I had to ask.

"We couldn't!" Ronnie insisted. "Maggie was so in love with him! We couldn't be the ones to break her heart and tell her. Besides, we're pretty sure Billy and this Carolyne stopped writing a long time ago"

 I stayed quiet for a moment, trying to take all the information in. What kind of family knows their son and brother-in-law is cheating on their daughter and sister, and doesn't tell her about it? "She needs to know" I decided.

I was met with protest. "Roger, we know you love her, but you cannot tell her about Carolyne" Lee told me.

"You all want her to divorce him, don't you?"

Ronnie crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you don't mean you?" Of fucking course that's what I wanted. The longer she stays with him, it makes me believe that she doesn't truly love me, and makes me think she's still hung up on him.

"Roger, if you can't keep the secret for us, at least do it for her" Francine begged.

I agreed, even though I didn't feel right about it. Maggie had a right to know. If Judy was cheating on me, I'd like to know about it. The discussion was dropped and we returned to the dining room. The moment I sat down, Maggie looked at me. "Is everything okay, Roger?" She asked me.

Turns out your husband was cheating on you the same time you married him. I wanted to tell her that, but I kept my mouth shut. "Everything is fine, sunshine" I assured her. She smiled at me and continued to eat. Billy's a fucking idiot for cheating on someone like Maggie. I don't know who this Carolyne woman is, but surely, she had to be a drag compared to someone like Maggie.

~m.r~

After dinner, I had invited over Roger for some drinks at my flat, knowing Billy wouldn't be there. We sat on the couch, drinking our beers as we watched some movie on the television. At some point we lost interest in the movie, and we ended up fucking instead. His pants were pulled down to his knees and my dress was pushed up past my hips. He had me bent over the back of the couch.

"Fuck!" I cried in pleasure. His cock was deep inside me in this position and my pleasure was only heightened every time I felt his balls slap against my clit. "You feel so good, baby"

"Yeah?" He leaned forward so that he was pressed against my back. He let out a sinful groan. "Christ, I love your warm, wet, and tight cunt" My head leaned back so that it fell against his shoulder. His cheek was touching mine now and I could feel his hot breath against my skin. "Mhm, wanna feel you cumming on my cock"

His words helped push me over the edge. My stomach twisted, my body twitched, and my toes curled as I came. I turned my head so that I could kiss him through my orgasm. His tongue invaded my mouth. I lifted a hand to bring it up to tangle in his hair. We continued to kiss and he fucked me through my high.

His lips parted from mine and then I felt empty. I heard Roger's filthy moans and something warm on my ass. A moan slipped from my lips as his cum made contact with my skin. Once he was finished, he leaned over me again to press a kiss to my neck.

"It's hard not to cum inside you, darling" He whispered in my ear. I admit, there was nothing I wanted more, but, there was a big reason as to why he couldn't. "I so badly wanna cum inside you. Feel your cunt squeezing and milking my cock"

"Rog, you know you can't" I said sadly.

He sighed. "I know, darling" We stepped apart from each other. I pulled my dress back down while he pulled his pants back up. I turned around to see him lighting a cigarette. He looked so sexy whenever he smoked one. Sometimes he'd have one hanging out of his mouth when we're performing.

"Anyone ever tell you how sexy you look with a cigarette in your mouth?" I said to him.

Roger smirked. "Come here" He beckoned me. I took a step towards him. He removed the cigarette from his mouth and brought it up to my lips. When I wrapped my lips around it, they also brushed against his fingers. The cigarette left my mouth and I blew out the smoke. His eyes gazed upon my lips, and then he licked his own.

He started leaning in and was about to kiss me, but he stopped when we heard the door opening. Why did Billy have to pick now to come home? My eyes rolled in annoyance and Roger's jaw clenched. "Maggie, what's Roger doing here?" Of course that was the first thing Billy was gonna ask.

"I invited him over for a couple of drinks" I stiffly said. I was angry at Billy. Angry at him for interrupting Roger and I.

Billy didn't respond to that. Instead, he walked over to me and gave me a kiss. After, he pulled me into his side and rubbed my arm as he glared at Roger. "I think you can leave now" He rudely said.

"Billy!" I scolded. "Don't be an ass"

"No, no. He's right, I should leave" Roger agreed. Billy let go of me and went into the kitchen. When he was out of sight, I walked Roger to the door.

"I'm so sorry about Billy" I whispered. "I don't know—" I was cut off by Roger kissing me deeply. Fuck, this was so wrong with my husband just in the kitchen, but it felt so right, so good.

When Roger pulled away, he smirked at me. "I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?" I nodded. "I love you"

"I love you, too" And with that, Roger was gone. Going home to Judy. It was times like this where I found myself envying her. I wanted Roger to stay with me. But now, I was stuck with my husband.

When Billy came out of the kitchen, he had a beer in hand and was giving me a cold glare. "I don't want him coming over here ever again"

I scoffed. "Roger and I are friends. If I want to invite him over for a drink, then I will. How is it any different than you inviting your work buddies over for drinks?"

"None of them want to fuck me" He looked down at the floor and took a drink from his bottle. "You bring him here to fuck him?"

I stood still in my spot. The air had turned cold. I was scared where this conversation was heading. "No" I managed to lie, despite the lump in my throat. "Roger and I didn't fuck"

"LIAR!!" Billy was suddenly screaming and before I knew it, I was dodging the beer bottle that thankfully hit the door instead of my face. "Don't fucking lie to me! I can see it all over your face!"

"Billy, stop yelling at me!" I cried, falling to my knees and hiding my face in my hands. "You're scaring me!" Him throwing the bottle reminded me of what Steve used to do.

"Oh, Maggie" I heard Billy say. His voice was softer. He crouched beside me and wrapped his arms around me. "I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry, Maggie. I really didn't mean to. I just... I just love you so much and I'm scared to lose you, that's all" I felt him grasp my jaw gently and he started kissing every inch of my face. I let him and just stared at a spot on the carpet. "Promise me you won't ever leave me, Maggie. If you leave me, I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably kill myself and that would be your fault. Now, you don't want me to do that, right?"

"N-no" I said, my voice still shaky. "I don't want you to do that"

"Then promise me that you won't leave me"

"I promise, Billy" I repeated what he wanted to hear. "I promise I won't leave you"

I felt him smile against me. "I love you, Maggie. Truly, you are the love of my life"

"I love you too, Billy" It sounded more of an automated response than a genuine one, but I don't think he noticed.

 He suggested that the two of us go to bed, but I told him I needed to take a shower first. Really, I just needed to clean the evidence from mine and Roger's rendezvous that was still on my skin. I mostly just sat and cried, feeling the cold water cascading down my skin. Afterwards, Billy made love to me, but I didn't feel anything. It didn't feel the same with him anymore, but I managed to fake it. When we were done, I just laid there, staring at the ceiling. It seemed like ages but eventually, the drowsy feeling overtook me and I fell asleep. At least I dreamt of Roger that night.

[ao3feed-that70sshow]

The Distinct Sadness of Butterscotch Icecream

by twentysevenseconds

Donna’s sad - won’t get out of bed, sad. Eric calls Hyde for advice, and then Kitty. Can anyone help? Please peep the author’s note for an important trigger warning. [E/D] [J/H] [Eric and Hyde friendship]

Words: 4392, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: That '70s Show

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Eric Forman (That '70s Show), Donna Pinciotti, Steven Hyde, Jackie Burkhart

Relationships: Eric Forman/Donna Pinciotti, Jackie Burkhart/Steven Hyde

Additional Tags: Pregnancy, Loss, Miscarriage, Cute Kids, Marriage, Parenthood

from AO3 works tagged 'That '70s Show' https://ift.tt/fCFQ2J3 via IFTTT

[the-fiction-witch]

Lovely Tag Thomas Brodie Sangster

A - Affection [How affectionate are they with you?]

He's very affectionate, when at home but never in public. He likes to be affectionate and a little weird with you he'll poke you and then just lick your nose for no reason but its so cute and adorable, he'll just walk behind you and cuddle you tightly while your looking in the fridge, and he'll spank your butt as you bend over just generally cute fun affection

B - Butter [How much do they coddle you, and how?]

He does like to coddle you a little, he keeps you away from the press, the internet and all the sorts of things that would upset you, and really anything that you could get hurt in anyway he will not allow it full stop not going to happen, he wasn't even that thrilled about you being on his bike for the first time but he bought you so much gear that if you where to have an accident you would be as okay as he could possibly make you, he very much stands as your night from all the bad things that could hurt you even if you whine about being allowed to do more then you are

"god damn it! I am not going to electrocute myself Thomas! I'm just changing the light bulb"

"I wasn't worried about you electrocuting yourself I'm worried about you falling off the chair.... and shocking yourself"

C - Confide [How easily do they confide to you?]

He was open to confiding with you, however it was sort of an unspoken thing that it was sort of tit for tat as it were, if you confided something in him he would confide something in you almost like a trade, he would never keep a secret from you or anything just didn't feel the need to tell you unless you asked really or if you had said something,

D - Defensive [How protective are they over you?]

He can get very defensive especially with the internet he knows the sorts of things they say about you and he tried so hard to protect you, he tries to make sure the press stay out of your business and away from you, hides you behind him a little when there is camera's around because he knows the sorts of things they will say about you so he tries very hard to protect you.

E - Exhausted [How do they take care of you when you're tired or feeling low?]

It takes him a little while to notice but once he's realized he'll make you something nice to eat that won't make you feel any worse, let you sit across his lap and tell him all about it or just fall asleep on him whichever you need at the time, he'll cuddle you as tight as you want make run his hands across anywhere that hurts, petting your hair and soothing you with kisses and reassuring lovely words

F - Fluffy [How sappily sweet can they get?]

He can get pretty sappy if he wants to. but its a rare thing its saved for date nights and celebrations, but you can tell he's in a sappy mode because he'll be leaning his head on his hand and looking at you with that stupid dorky smile and he'll tell you out of the blue how much he loves you.

G - Game [How much do they play around, and are they a tease?]

He loves to play around, licking your cheek, poking your nose, eating your hair, doing all the stilly childish things that make you laugh even if its just an awkward laugh of weirdness, picking you up and carrying you around on his shoulder like his personal damsel in distress,

H - Happy [What's their favourite thing to do with you, that makes them happy?]

He loves having you on the back of his bike, He likes wrapping you up in all the gear and in his spare helmet he loves feeling your arms around him as you hold him close as he speeds his motorbike though London, going a little fast as you go around round about's going super fast on the duel carriage ways, taking you off to little unknown beauty spots for you to lean on the bike and cuddle.

I - Initiate [Do they make the first move?]

He will always make the first move, unless your in public then he always waits for you. He'll wrap his arm around you and give you a little kiss as you watch tv or cuddle up and have some kisses as you make dinner.

J - Jealousy [How jealous can they get and how do they show it?]

He'll glare. If he starts to get jealous He'll get very quiet and just glare at whoever it is talking with you, One day you where out to dinner with Dylan while he was visiting London for press and the two of you where just having a nice chat getting along really well and you could have sworn Dylan was about to burst into flames the way Thomas was glaring at him.

L - Love [How do they react to you giving them affection?]

He blushes and giggles a little when you give him affection and he'll always give you some back ,if you give his cheek a sweet kiss then he'll give you one back, if you give him a cuddle he'll cuddle you even tighter, he loves giving you affection and it always makes him smile and go all giggly

M - Married [What's it like to be married to them?]

its lovely, he's very kind and sweet as well as playful so it never gets dull or boring. Luckily he likes to ticker so he's a very handy husband doing household tasks like fixing the sink or building furniture, he's a perfect husband and you wouldn't change it for the world.

N - Newborn [How are they with having kids, and how would they be as a parent?]

he got so happy, he wanted to show the whole world your baby bump, he told every human being he possible could that you where pregnant and that he did it! he treats you like a princess anyway and when you where pregnant he treated you as if you where his queen, he held your hand every moment from the second you knew to the moment your baby was born. you where worried due to his work that he would end up being a bit absent from your children's lives but he always makes time for them, taking you all with him or even turning things down when he can't have the time with you, you and his children became the priority above everything on earth, and he spoils them a lot, but not enough that they become spoilt little rich kids they still learn to work and a good ethics, and still have to earn there pocket money even if Thomas spoils them around Christmas and there birthdays. And your children respect him, as the man of the house and as there father likely because of this odd wise father sat in an old chair with a facial hair and a cigarette look that he sort of developed when you had children, they love him and he loves them all very much too.

O - Outdoors [How are they with you in public?]

He likes to hold your hand, keep you close but not so much with kissing and such like probably because London is a very busy place and he doesn't like people seeing you kissing and cuddling,

P - Propose [How would they propose, and where would that be?]

He did it quiet classic, with the beautiful ring in a little red velvet box, getting down on his knee telling you how much he loves you, he made sure to make sure you did your make up and your hair and wear a nice dress even if it was hard to make you do so without letting out something was happening. He took you to your date spot in hyde park and tricked you into looking for an ice cream cart so he had time to get the ring and get down on one knee before you turned back.

Q - Quarrel [How are they after a fight, and will they try to make amends right after?]

if there is a fight between you even if it is very rare he goes and sits in his shed for a while on his little stool pondering with his tools until he knows he was a dick or he did wrong and he goes out on his bike and returns with a bottle of wine, the biggest box of your favourite chocolates and a nice bunch of flowers or perhaps a little cute potted plant and he'll apologize a thousand times until you smile again

R - Romantic [How much of a hopeless romantic are they, and how do they show it?]

He's romantic with gestures, buying you plants and plushies, making you a nice dinner, helping you with your favourite crafting, putting on your shows and such, he likes spoiling you with whatever you ask for even stuff you don't ask for.

S - Snuggles [Do they like to cuddle, and how do they do it?]

He is okay with a cuddle its just never completely cuddly as he doesn't like trapping you or making you feel claustrophobic, and he likes to be the little spoon a lot just rests his head on your shoulder or your chest an arm around your waist while he nuzzles up and tells you he loves you before bed time.  

T - Touchy [How touch starved are they, and would they show it?]

He doesn't show it as its kinda his default state being away from you for work so much and often when he is home being off with jack on the bikes or at auditions and such being touch starved is actually pretty normal for Thomas, but you can always tell when he's got it bad because he'll just hold you for... well until you move yourself.

U - Urchin [What's one negative trait about them that hurts you?]

He at times gets lost in what he's doing he tends to focus on one thing like if he's in his shed working on his bike he won't respond to messages, he won't do anything else unless you literally go to the shed and poke him, which can be great when you get him focused on something you want him to do, like cleaning the house, he won't stop of change focus until it's spotless but if he gets stuck on something like playing his video game he will not move until you force him or he gets bored.

V - Vibe [What energy do they give off when you're with them?]

Just pure joy. Whenever he's with you he feels like a child in love, giddy, excited and full of joy.

W- Wedding [What are they like at their wedding?]

teary, He could barely get thought seeing you before he completely  bursting into tears, Barely though the vows before getting teary. but its okay it was all tears of joy and you kissed away all his tears after the ceremony.

X - Xtreme [What lengths would they go to for you?]

he would do anything you asked, and he would often offer if you wanted something off him. He'll do his best to do what you ask even if at times he can't help it, like if your sad and you miss him when he's away working. He'll do his best to call you up or skype you for a while maybe flight you out to visit him if possible, but even if he can't due to time zones or anything he'll make it all up to you buy taking you out and spoiling you when he's home.

Y - Yogurt [What's their ideal place for a date?]

Thomas loves taking you on a nice motorbike ride to the seaside or the beautiful grounds and gardens of a nice house or Park, a little dinner in a small not to busy restaurant and an ice cream before heading home for a cuddle and a glass of wine.  

Z - Zipper [What clothes do they like seeing you in?] His, he can't help but go bright red and almost verbally awww at you when he sees you in his clothes. But he also loves when you dress up as he says himself its fun to dress up so you always have a day once a month or so where you get fully dressed up in heels a dress, and he gets on a full suit and you have your own little red carpet trip in his vintage car, to go and get pizza.

[cauldronofmorning]

Okay so.... I've encountered your tags about "the talking scene between trapper and hawk in dr pierce and dr hyde the stuttering the grabbing the not blinking how another of hawk's coping methods has bitten the dust#trapper being soft parental but annoyed and how he needs to check out while hawkeye needs to save the entire world"... if you have time, Go off! I would love that 2000 word essay and your opinions.

It’s a bit of a mess and would probably get a C- if I handed it in, but! Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde and how it shows the difference between Hawkeye’s and Trapper’s coping methods.

Context! Alan Alda wrote the episode, mental health is important to him (not to psychoanalyze an actor, but he had depression before the show and his mom was schizophrenic) and there’s a quote on how Hawkeye didn’t actually change much in the eleven years, just had his coping methods beaten down.

So throughout season one, Hawkeye and Trapper have mostly been ignoring the trauma of a war. Hawkeye naturally ended a movie with a speech about propaganda (Yankee Doodle Doctor) and Tommy tells them (Sometimes You Hear The Bullet) about a kid who should have been the blonde hero in a war movie actually dying and not hearing a bullet, forcing them to actually quietly think about it. But for the most part, they can distract themselves with booze, pranks and women, and Hawkeye can still draw a straight line between his tenuous sanity pre-war and the place he’s in.

There’s also two important episodes in season two before Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, that make the war more personal for both of them. The first is Radar’s Report, where a scared prisoner contaminates Trapper’s patient by knocking the blood over. Trapper’s sulkier throughout the episode, obsessed with how it could have been okay if it weren’t for that incident, and less indulging of Hawkeye’s girl of the week problem. His patient doesn’t make it, and he makes a beeline to the POW’s tent, maybe would have killed him if Hawkeye hadn’t bought him back to reality. “That’s not what we’re about.”

The second is For The Good Of The Outfit. This one has a village bombed by American military and Hawkeye/Trapper run afoul of previously decent sounding generals trying to shut them up from talking about it, including passive aggressive threats to send them to the front, and specifically to Hawkeye, intercepting letters to his dad. It’s okay by the end of the episode, but he’s still livid when he finds this out.

In comes Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde. The episode starts with Hawkeye already slightly dissociated from a long shift, thinking it hasn’t ended, and Trapper having to gently take him by the arm and guiding him out of the OR, telling him he was taking the chest cases “like he was their only hope”. Hawkeye wanting to save everyone keeps popping up throughout the episode; here, when he’s stumbling into Henry and his ego filtered through deprivation making him think he’s the only one who can do chest cases, the scene I’m getting to, and the end where Trapper and Henry sum him up.

As much as Trapper is “let’s get drunk to deal, okay?” kind of comfort in comparison to BJ who can actually talk about emotions, if not necessarily knowing the best way to deal with them (Hawkeye has a type and it’s repressed blondes), he’s soft with Hawkeye – gentle touches, firmly telling him to go to sleep, indulging that chopper noise is just thunder – until he figures the best way to get his friend to rest is to sedate him behind his back.

The thing with Trapper is that while he might be a bad husband, cheating on his wife with no shame (but he keeps bringing up that Hawkeye is more perverted so that might make it easier for him to deal with, see the couple of times he glares at Hawk for flirting with Henry/a male patient, Divided We Stand, The Trial Of Henry Blake, Check Up, Life With Father, Adam’s Ribs), he’s a good father who ran into a minefield for Kim and tried to go AWOL for Cathy and Becky. That’s not to say he always treats Hawkeye like a child, that would be weird considering how much flirting they do, but when the other man is manic or badly affected, Trapper’s first instinct is to be parental.

After Hawkeye in his doubletalky way admits to Radar he’s compulsive and psychotic (sidenote:  his symptoms of strong emotions, not being able to think clearly and too many spirals to name actually bear that diagnosis out, instead of just using the word when one thinks another is behaving badly), he wanders around the camp like a ghost, making notes about corpsmen with guns and nurses checking patients in post-op.

As Hawkeye often does, whenever he finds something out, or thinks he has in this instance, he has to tell his live-in boyfriend of the season immediately, and if he can’t sleep then neither can anyone else. He sits on Trapper’s bed, extremely close and not blinking, and jostles him awake. Already Trapper’s slightly panicky, as no matter what he says about being the mellow one, any time there’s shouting or loud noise in the swamp, he always wakes up with a start. Even when he sees it’s Hawkeye it takes him a few seconds to process and get back into his role.

Hawkeye’s very sad and very quiet. For the past seven minutes, even though he’s dissociated, exhausted and not doing well, he’s still trying to do his normal thing of turning his anger sideways and being snarky or being a clown bottom for the gaggle of nurses. Going back to one of Trapper’s good qualities is that he’s a decent parent, Hawkeye can regress emotionally into being like a ten year old (incidentally, the age when he had the most trauma pre-Korea, with Billy, his mom dying, guilt over not wanting dad to remarry and at some point losing his virginity), both for funny like in Picture This and for sadness.

So he’s finally noticed that he’s in a war zone and he’s too tired to make jokes about it or distract himself from it. Trapper already sounds frustrated but still listens, telling him to go bed before he drives himself crazy. There’s been a few takes that Trapper would get sick of later Hawkeye, and given how much they really can’t talk to each other that often, even just a mention of Hawkeye’s will when he has to go to the front makes Trapper shut down and Hawkeye cover with a joke, that’s probably true. They’re both messes, but for now Trapper can give Hawkeye someone to lean on.

“If I thought I could stop it just by going to sleep, don’t you think I would try?” Hawkeye does a twitch of the head, still unblinking, and that’s just really asking Trapper to understand and take him seriously. Also the wording, he’s not saying he can stop thinking about it just by going to sleep, or stop feeling anything just by closing his eyes, although both of those are implied. He makes it very clear later on (Letters, Preventive Medicine, Blood Brothers) that he feels like he’s as bad as the war – god and martyr complex combined – and if he can’t fight against/blame everything on that then it’s time for some self loathing.

Trapper does actually pay attention and gives him some advice. Definitely not great advice, but advice nonetheless, to close his eyes when things get unbearable, and to keep checking out when it keeps happening. This can’t work for Hawkeye, who’s had a guilt complex ever since he was a child, but it’s how Trapper copes. The next episode when Kim’s mother turns up for the boy, after a time of being actually open, he goes right to dismissive snark. Plus in season three’s Mad Dogs and Servicemen, another one on how differently Trapper and Hawkeye deal with things, he shrugs that he pretends he’s not there all day along.

Hawkeye’s stuttering a bit at this point. Words are important to him, it’s why you should probably leave him a note even if you’re a man who 1) wants to forget about Korea as soon as he arrives in Boston but won’t 2) wants desperately to believe he’s straight but isn’t 3) cares through physical touch and can’t think of what to say for seventy two hours. Wordplay is important to him too, and he admits to Sidney in the finale that his brain thinks too fast. Obviously exhaustion is going to put his brain and mouth out of sync, and considering how he sounds like he’s going to cry in the mess tent when he can’t even get words out to Frank Burns, it makes him all that more helpless.

“Somebody, and it wasn’t you or me, started this war.” It’s the “whoever the them, we were always us” of it all. It’ll be more important in the third season, and what happens in Welcome To Korea, but Hawkeye has taken it for granted that he and Trapper will stay co-dependent no matter what happens or who they come up against or how their time is running out. Much how he probably didn’t tell Trapper about the abandonment trauma he’s suffered before, Trapper always reassures him to come back soon, or no charge for leaning on him, or it isn’t a Christmas goodbye, and doesn’t want to share real feelings.

Beyond that scene, with Hawkeye dragging himself off to be a hero, assume that everyone who tries to take care of him really just wants to sleep with him, and cry while singing, Trapper tries to sedate him while he’s not looking. He’s tried being parental, he’s tried the repression advice, it’s time to be passive aggressive for Hawkeye’s own good. Or what he thinks is Hawkeye’s own good. It’s not especially great on Trapper’s part, but a similar thing happens reversed in Mail Call, where a drunk Trapper tries to go AWOL and as soon as he’s distracted laughing at Frank, Hawkeye locks his bag away so Trapper won’t be tempted again. Both of them are repressed messes who can’t really talk to each other.

When that sedation attempt ends up in Frank falling over, Trapper goes to Henry to be the worried macho boyfriend. Like with the only comedic dancing allowed and not the time in Officers Only when a genuine offer gets turned down, being protective over Hawkeye where he can hear can only happen when it’s for fun/likely no real danger.

At the end, Trapper and Henry sit by Hawkeye’s bed when he’s finally asleep and talk about him. Kindly, but they know he’s unstable with a hero complex. Like Mulcahy said in season eleven, the camp has a lot of experience with not dealing with reality, and even Trapper says in Iron Guts Kelly that one man’s reality is another man’s fantasy. Nobody has the capability to talk about this yet, and Sidney and Hawkeye only really become friends in O.R. Hawkeye will wake up and he and Trapper will pretend this never happened.

When Adam’s Ribs comes around, and Hawkeye has a manic episode over needing to eat something that isn’t liver or fish, Trapper and Henry are again the ones looking after him, comparing him to their kids and Trapper in the background both snarking over Hawkeye’s slippage in sanity and looking out for him. It’s not as quite high stakes as Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, but they’re still worried about him.

To end this out, Trapper and Hawkeye and mental health is a fun thing to look at. Neither of them are particularly emotionally intelligent yet, Hawkeye just kind of a self absorbed mess and Trapper finding it easier to be a reassuring rock and keep his own struggling to himself, and they keep things from each other while also taking past each other, but they comfort each other with jokes and distractions that only they can understand. The repressed clowns are trying, even if it does all end with a borrowed kiss and only just barely missing each other.

[sometimes-i-write-4-you]

Hi!! I'm so glad that I found someone who writes for Hyde so well!! I was wondering if you could write a hyde x reader where she has a bad home situation and one night can't stand it so she leaves but hyde catches her before she gets out of town and brings her back to stay with him in the basement because he refuses to let someone he loves be miserable and run away. I love your writing so much!

(not) just some girl - Steven Hyde x reader

a\n: idk how i feel about this one lol

trigger warnings: parents fighting, her mom wants her to lose weight but it’s barley mentiond, lmk if i missed something!

word count: 1193

I was sitting in my room, headphones on to filter the yelling. My parents were fighting, again. I don't even know what it was this time. In the morning it was about my dad punishing me without talking about it with my mom, then it turned into an argument over how my dad blames her for every single wrong thing i do, then it was quiet because I went to school. I barley came in when I heard them yelling about the fact my dad should take more action in the house. He got laid off work, and he's on a no-pay vacation.

They were yelling all the time, repeating the same sentences and the same topics. My eyes travel to the floor where I can see my bag peeps. The bag I prepared for the day I'll run away. It had everything I needed: cash, clothing and some snacks. It was also my secret candy stash, cause my mom was "on a diet" and candy were not allowed. The thing is, my mom hasn't changed her eating, this rule was her way to tell me I should go on a diet.

The only thing keeping me here was him. Steven Hyde. He may be a devil, but he's an angel sent for me, and no one can convince me otherwise. Ever since we met, my life got better. Signifyingly better: I was finally leaving the house to hang out with friends, and spent many nights sleeping over at Donna's, the Forman's, even Jackie's. The only ones I avoided having a sleep over with were Kelso and Fez, for obvious reasons.

The thing is Hyde means to me more then I will ever mean to him. he was the first person to make me smile in years, the first one I trusted enough to talk about my parents and the first one I fell for. Sure, we hooked up a few times, but for him it was just a pass-time activity. For him I was just some girl.

Maybe I should do it. Just take the bag and go. There's a bus that leaves Kenosha in 5:00 PM. I can get out of this town, maybe out of Wisconsin. Go somewhere where I won't get yelled at, and I won't be surrounded in yelling. A place where I can eat as much candy as I can.

The candy addiction was Fez's fault. he rarely shared his candy, but when he first met me, he agreed to make an exception if I'll kiss him, so I did. On the cheek. "you never specified where to kiss you" I said when he looked at me all disappointed. Hyde thought it was hilarious, and the whole group got a nice laugh out of it. I got candy.

If I'm leaving, better say goodbye first, right? To my friends. My friends who got along perfectly before they met me, and they will continue to have a happy life when I'm gone. The yelling got so loud, even my headphones didn't block it, so I take the beg and stuff my 

"-piece of shit! You sit here all day, watching TV. I do everything. I help them with homework, I cook, and I'm working!" my mom yells as I pass the hall quickly. "oh, you're being ridicules! I helped (y\n) with her homework!". Yeah, when I was seven years old, I think, and thankfully arrive the back door without questions, and soon enough I'm at the bus Station.

A familiar face is waiting there. "Hi (y\n)" Steven smiled at me. Once I was close enough, he wrapped his arms around my waist and placed a kiss on my lips. "where you goin' with this bag?" he asks, eyes traveling down my body till they land on the beg. "I- uh, out of town, visiting my aunt" I make up as he steps back, putting his hands back in his pockets.

"your parents don't have siblings" he says. I'm surprised he remembered. "really? Wow. Guess I'm just going out of town then" I say, laughing awkwardly. "why?" He asks, "I mean your parents are shit but most of the time with me and the rest of the group" he says. "yeah, I know, I just-"

"look, if Kelso or Fez are making you uncomfortable, I can talk to them, you know? You don't have to leave" he cuts me off, and I smile at him sadly. "yeah, but I can't stay, Steven" I say, finally making eye contact with him just in time to see something in his eyes shifts. Using his first name made him realize how serious this is. "but what about us?" he asked. "what us?" I ask, "come on, Hyde, we've known each other for months and we hooked up more times than I can count but it's not like I mean anything to you". He looks at me, sadness in his eyes and I think… I think I hurt him. "(y\n), you really think you mean nothing to me?" he asked me, and I nodded.

"yeah, I mean, that's just who you are. You're not the type to fall in love, I get it" I say, flashing a sad smile. "what did I do to ever make you feel like I don't care about you? (y\n), you are so important to me" he said, taking a step closer and hesitantly resting his hands on my arms. "see, you say that, and everyone says that, you know? My mom said that, do you think she will notice if I'll disappear? Cause I don't" I say. My bus is in 1 minutes.

"(y\n), I haven't been with any other girl since we started… this" he said, finger pointing at me and then him, "cause for once In my life I don't feel like I want every random hot girl, I look at a chick and it's like 'yeah, she's ok, but she's not (y\n)" he says, and I'm surprised at his words. I think it's visible.

"what are you trying to say?" I ask him, forcing my eyes to look into his. "that... I guess that… fuck, man, I love you. And I'm not letting you leave this town. You're coming with me to the Forman's, spend the night with me and we'll find a better solution tomorrow, okay?" he asked.

I can see the bus coming, and my eyes move back and forth – bus, Steven, run away, stay, bus, Steven, new and scary, familiar and safe, bus, Steven, bus…

"Steven" I break the silence, "let's go". He smiles at me and take my hands, placing them on his shoulder. His hands get comfortable around my waist and he leans down to kiss me, but before our lips meet, he stops.

"what's wrong?" I ask, surprised. He just told me he loves me, why is he- wait, he just told me he loves me. "Steven, I love you" I say, and pull myself up. I was right, the fact I didn't say it back was what bothered him, because he kissed back, and I could feel him smile against my lips as we moved in sync.

tag list: @sadhappywhatever

[echoazure]

rules: tag people you would like to know/catch up with

Thanks @starlit-pathways for tagging me, you’re super cool and i always love seeing your posts show up on my dash!  Also, I feel you on not vibing with a movie but appreciating the color scheme.

last movie: Santa Jaws.  A family is hunted by an evil Christmas-themed shark.  At one point it grows a candy cane horn that it uses to impale its victims.  Just a very bad and joyful movie.  10/10, would watch again.

currently watching: I haven’t started anything new in a while, so these are both rewatches:

Frasier.  I watched this for the first time when I was a little kid and it’s become my number one comfort watch during the pandemic.  It’s very funny, the laugh track is oddly soothing, and I know it’s not going to stress me out.  There are a lot of interesting threads that never really get dealt with, so it’s fun to brainstorm how my version of the show would have handled them (martin and cora get married! more scenes of roz and daphne hanging out! lesbian niles/daphne!).  Love that dog and whatever David Hyde Pierce is doing as Niles.

For All Mankind.  I’m a sucker for alternate histories where things turn out better, and for repressed female characters hiding a deep well of sadness, and also for things going wrong in space.  This is a drama where Russia beats America to put the first man on the moon, starting a chain of events that causes America to recruit women as astronauts a decade before they really did.  There are a lot of really cool female characters, and the acting is great all around, though Shantel VanSanten from The Boys definitely gives the performance that hits me hardest. 

currently reading: How Much of These Hills Is Gold by C. Pam Zhang.  It takes place in the 1800s and follows two Chinese-American siblings who set off across California after their father’s death.  The language is so vivid and memorable, and the relationship between the main characters is drawn so well.  They’ve been driven apart by a society that won’t make space for them as they are, and as much as you wish they saw each other better, you understand why they can’t.

currently craving: I used to live off of garlic rye chips and while that was perhaps not the best choice, I’ve really been craving them lately.  garlic is the most important food group imo

I always get nervous about tagging people, so anyone who wants to participate, consider yourself tagged!

[talk-to-the-mercs]

Hi! Miss Pauling here! While the boys are away, I decided to sketch a picture of Jekyll. I know that you know what we look like, but you’ve never seen Jekyll before. I don’t think any of us have seen him before.

Sometimes I wonder how much of Spy was Jekyll creeping through, and how much of it was Hyde. Is our entire relationship built on one or the other?

Sorry, I’m rambling. Here’s a few things that I have noticed about Jekyll:

- There is a tag around his neck that was tucked into his shirt. It reads, “Parle françias. Bon enfant,” or, “Speaks French. Good child.” It looks like something that people used to hang around children’s necks in order to find homes for them. World War II era, I believe.

- Jekyll doesn’t feel pain, but also doesn’t feel guilt, shock, or sadness. Either he is super naïve, or he just...can’t feel them. We watched Snow White, and while Pyro was signing “sad” over and over again, Jekyll seemed just as happy as he did before, and was watching with polite interest.

- He mimics much more often than a child his age should. With the hour he’s been with Pyro and I, he’s picked up tucking his hair behind his ear and adjusting invisible “gloves.”

- Though Jekyll is very curious, he will do exactly what you tell him to. Ask him to hand you the red crayon? He will drop everything immediately to hand you the crayon. Ask him to turn the TV off? He will almost instantly reach for the remote with no complaint. This might sound nice, but, having been around so many children, I think it’s super creepy.

And, before you go, do you mind sending a message to Scout? He’s been texting me the whole time he was looking for Hyde, but he stopped dead about fifteen minutes ago, and won’t answer me when I call him. I would go after him myself, but I can’t leave Pyro and Jekyll behind.

[yaz-the-spaz]

hey, do you have some big post about zigi is fake?

Anon 1: When did they start to show Zaneyah? Shortly before the announcement of the pregnancy?

Anon 2: Liam Payne attends Hyde Park protest- Me: :D -with girlfriend Me: -_- Also have you read any of the stupid Cheryl crap thats come out today? God I hate her. All the shit going on right now and she just can't help but try to make things about her.

Anon 3: There's a vogue thing of Gigi and Zayn. You can just see his back with new tattoos.

Anon 4: Hi Yaz, hope you are okay. Loved that BLM video you shared. Well, time is flying by and Gigi is now six and a half months 'pregnant'. Seems too late for a miscarriage narrative. What are your thoughts? ❤

hope y’all don’t mind me lumping these all together too much, just trying to get all the older beard-related asks out the way in one fell swoop lol (also sorry it took me like almost a month to respond to you all):

@lovedziamfirst - idk that there’s a masterpost focusing solely on z*gi but if you go through my ziam masterposts tag you’ll probably find some good ziam posts that also focus a fair bit on debunking z*gi...i know it’s not quite what you were looking for but i hope it still helps!

anon 1 - i think a few months before actually...i wanna say around january/february but i can’t remember for sure atm (sorry!)

anon 2 - yeah, i saw the protest pics, not a happy camper about it obviously but what can you do (i mean don’t get me wrong i’m happy he was at the protest at all, sad it had to be made into a stunt op but it is what it is i suppose although i find it interesting that yet again liam’s stunt sitch seemed to parallel louis/elounor); haven’t seen the stuff re c but honestly unless someone specifically sends me something i pay zero attention to news about her lol not surprised in the least though that she’s still trying to make shit about her, i mean when has she not lol

anon 3 - yeah, i saw that as well 🙄...it’s quite interesting to me though that none of her recent pics with him show his face 🤔

anon 4 - hey nonnie! thank you and i hope you’re doing okay too! glad you liked the video! and as to your question: no new thoughts...my stance on the matter hasn’t really changed mostly because i haven’t seen anything new to change it lol...if you wanna get technical about it the possibility will remain until such time as she reaches 9 months and/or we have an actual birth announcement, her having continued this for another month and half/going on two months now (and for however many more months she plans to) sadly won't change the fact that it's still a possibility, but the more important thing for me is that zayn and his family, and also g's own siblings and her closest friends, have continued to remain silent in this which should tell you all you need to know lol (plus the fact that we still haven't seen concrete evidence of an actual bump w/o body positioning/camera angles and clothes manipulation at play and more hilariously the fact that she slipped up MAJORLY recently and pretty much showed a flat stomach/nowhere near a 6.5-7 month pregnant stomach in her ig live AND sat with her whole ass leg up on the chair which cannot be comfortable for a truly nearly 7 month pregnant woman lol)

[hopeandharmonizing]

music theme meme: don’t reblog. repost with your own. || tagged by: @kamishibaya​​

List five songs that best describe your Muse’s personality or fits their persona.

1) Too Loud - Icon For Hire

Hey girl, don't listen to your mother when she tells you you ain't pretty, need to look more like the others Hey boy, don't let your daddy tell you if you don't get it together that you're gonna be a failure

You know they're coming for your fire When they try to push you lower but you keep on going higher You're a flame, and they all wanna water you down Wanna water you down down 

Oh no no am I getting too loud? Am I getting too loud? Am I getting too loud? Oh no no am I getting in your head? Am I getting in your head? Getting in your head?

Gonna make you listen Gonna make you move You can't ignore the truth inside you

2) Penny’s Song - Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog

Here's a story of a girl who grew up lost and lonely Thinking love was fairytale, and trouble was made only for me

Even in the darkness, every colour can be found And every day of rain brings water flowing to things growing in the ground

Grief replaced with pity for a city barely coping Dreams are easy to achieve if hope is all I'm hoping to be

Anytime you're hurt there's one who has it worse around And every drop of rain will keep you growing seeds you're sowing in the ground

So keep your head up everybody

3) Deep Water - Jewel

You find yourself falling down Your hope’s in the sky, but your heart like grape gum on the ground

And you try to find yourself in the abstractions of religion and the cruelty of everyone else And you wake up to realize your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive

That's when suddenly everything fades or falls away Cause the chains which once held us are only the chains which we've made

When you're standing in deep water And you're bailing yourself out with a straw And when you're drowning in deep water And you wake up making love to a wall Well it's these little times that help to remind It's nothing without love, love, love It's nothing without love

We've compromised our pride and sacrificed our health We have to demand more not of each other but more from ourselves

4) Love Wins - Carrie Underwood

Politics and prejudice How the hell’d it ever come to this? When everybody's gotta pick a side it don't matter if you're wrong or right, no And so it goes, but I hold onto hope and I won't let go

Sometimes it takes a lot of faith To keep believing there will come a day When the tears and the sadness, the pain and the hate The struggle, this madness, will all fade away

But I, I believe you and me are sisters and brothers And I, I believe we're made to be here for each other And we'll never fall if we walk hand in hand Put a world that seems broken together again Yeah I, I believe, in the end, love wins

Love is power, love is a smile Love reaches out, love is the remedy Love is the answer, love's an open door Love is the only thing worth fighting for

5) Mz. Hyde - Halestorm

In the daylight I'm your sweetheart, You're goody-two-shoes prude is a work of art But you don't know me, and soon you won't forget, Bad as can be, yeah you know I'm not so innocent

I can be the bitch, I can play the whore, Or your fairytale princess who could ask for more A touch of wicked, a pinch of risqué Good girl gone bad, my poison is your remedy

Better be scared, better be afraid, Now that the beast is out of her cage

I'm the spider crawling down your spine, underneath your skin I will gently violate your mind, before I tuck you in

Welcome to the nightmare in my head Say hello to something scary! The monster in your bed Just give in and you won't be sorry Welcome to my evil side Hello it's Mz. Hyde!

[toomanyfeelings5]

the definitive ranking of pulp! the classics covers and summaries, from worst to best

(Note: Pride and Prejudice was not included in this list, as there were only poster and greeting card options for the work, and not an actual book or summary. Had a book and summary been provided, it would have ranked lowest for unoriginality. It’s literally just 1995 Colin Firth staring moodily at you. The caption is “Lock Up Your Daughters...Darcy’s in Town!” which is just unfortunate, frankly, and honestly laughable.) 

16. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte 

You take a novel that’s positively overflowing with drama and give it THIS cover? THIS summary? Absolutely uninspired. 

Here’s looking at you Cathy...

Childhood sweethearts turned star-crossed lovers, fuelled by bitter jealousy and dark revenge. She’s pretty and posh, he’s a moody brooding bastard. Heartbreak, alcoholism and plenty of illegitimate kids – it’s a perfect Northern drama.

Where is the feeling? The screaming violins playing as we read? The moors? The time skips? A hint of the positively bonkers plot that only a Bronte could compose?

15. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde 

 Oh, the heterosexuality of it all. On an Oscar Wilde novel, no less. 

Hey girl...I’d sell my soul for you!” 

Dorian Gray might be as pretty as a picture, but he's paid a devilishly high price for it. He'll stay drop-dead gorgeous, but there's something nasty festering in the attic...

Pretty as a picture and still lusting after ladies? Please. Pulp! Classics, you can do better. 

14. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald 

Again, we must speak the ancient chant: Oh, the heterosexuality of it all. 

When it came to loving...He knew which Daisy to pick! 

Sorry old sport, but Gatsby has a bigger house than you, prettier friends than you and a Rolls Royce to cart them all round in. To a backdrop of popping champagne corks and orchestral jazz, our hero bids to buyout his old adversary, perennial jock, Tom Buchanan and reclaim Daisy, his favourite bit of High Society totty.

Nick Carraway gets not one mention, which is odd given that he’s the narrator, the protagonist, and Gatsby’s most ardent love interest. Also strange is the cover’s insistence that Jordan Baker, known lesbian, would swoon over Gatsby. Doubly strange is how tiny the women are in comparison to Gatsby’s massive frame. What is, again, bamboozling, is how the slogan on the cover seems to imply that Gatsby knows how to pick a woman. He doesn’t know how to choose anyone, let alone love them. All Gatsby truly knows is the desperate pursuit of a fruitless dream. 

13. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare 

Romeo looks like he could be Juliet’s father. Juliet looks like an Upper East Side Widow, not at all like the tween girl she really is.

Too wild to live...too young to die!

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou…. Oh wait, he’s hanging around in the garden again. Will young Romeo and his Juliet ever be able to express their raging hormones? Or will their feuding families make this romance blossom into a poisoned flower? Either way, both their houses are totally plagued!

“Wherefore” means “why,” not “where,” though I do have to award points to the summary for placing the blame squarely on the feud and not on these doomed young lovers. Though again, young isn’t the operative word I’d use to describe this version of Romeo and Juliet. 

12. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe 

This is what one would expect upon seeing a pulp cover of a classic novel. Not much originality or flair is present, but at least some sense of the story is conveyed. 

Solitude was driving him nuts!

Cannibals! Captives! Coconuts!

One man’s love of the sea leaves him stranded on a desert island with nothing but a few goats, a bible and a parrot for company.

Will he ever escape? Will his new pal Friday learn to efficiently press a goatskin jerkin? Or will solitude send him totally barmy?

WILL Friday learn to efficiently press a goatskin jerkin? One must read to find out, I suppose...

11. Tess of the D'urbervilles 

Marilyn Monroe?????

She’s...no angel.

The original Wessex girl!

Tess is just a humble milkmaid when the local landowner has his wicked way. Her new beau, the smarmy Angel Clare, is none too pleased when he finds out she’s already been deflowered. What is a girl to do? Bloody revenge of course, and an ending to touch the hardest of hearts.

At least the summary blames the terrible men in Tess’s life rather than Tess herself, unlike the tagline on the cover. And while Marilyn Monroe seductively lounging about with a drink doesn’t recall the faintest essence of Hardy’s novel, one would like to imagine Tess relaxing in whatever clothes she pleased, a straw dangling out of her drink, a smile on her face as she answers to no one and spends her quiet evening in solitude. 

10. Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome

An innocuous cover; the men’s faces hint at the comedic nature of this novel, and yet...something nags the brain upon looking at this.

To say nothing of the dog...

Incompetence, embarrassment and general disaster - no it’s not PMQs, it’s a trip down the Thames! Three hapless fellows and a world weary dog decide they need a holiday from their exhausting hypochondria. Hilarious mayhem ensues.

To say nothing of the dog indeed: Why does the dog on the cover have a human face?

9. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka 

All one can say upon viewing this cover is: Jeff Goldblum, is that you?

Change really BUGGED him! 

Poor old Gregor. One day he's depressed about his dreary travelling salesman gig, the next, he's roaching around the apartment and disgusting his family. All that's left is creeping the walls and eating garbage. How's his sis ever going to find a sugar daddy with her grotty bro in tow?

Gregor isn’t grotty, he’s our six-legged hero in this tragic tale. 

And yet in the end, the question that haunts us all echoes in our minds in an unceasing echo: is that Jeff Goldblum? 

8.  Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland 

Alice as a hippie is eye-catching, but not particularly creative. 

This cupcake was off her head!

What HAS happened to little Alice? Taking 'shrooms, hanging out with hookah smoking ne'er-do-wells and being dragged to court. That's gonna be one hell of a hangover!

As much as I’m intrigued by Alice wearing heart-shaped sunglasses and a peace sign necklace, the summary and the cover consist of one joke and one joke only. 

7. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 

I just like how Dr. Jekyll in this cover looks equally as fucked up as Mr. Hyde. 

No more Mr. Nice Guy... There’s a sinister man about London town with something of the night about him. Mr Hyde is mad, bad and has a penchant for bumping off MPs and other kindly innocents. Will his friend Dr Jekyll be able to stop him? Or is there something more to their relationship than meets the eye…? Only the intrepid Utterson can get to the bottom of this mystery, but what will he find in Dr Jekyll’s lab?

Points to this summary for including Mr. Utterson, and for insinuating that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde may be clandestine lovers. 

6. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens 

Ladies, gentlemen, and otherwise, don’t we love it when a greedy rich man gets bludgeoned by a mace into being more generous and kindly towards others?

This cat was a drag....’til a midnight wake-up call...

Christmas?! What a load of Humbug. Mistletoe and Wine just don't do it for Scrooge; he's a workaholic miser with an attitude problem. If he doesn't change his ways, he'll end up with no friends and Tiny Tim won't last the year. Let's hope some spooky night-time visitors can put the jingle back in his bells!

Ring-a-ling-a-ling, Mr. Scrooge. The mace is raised and the bells are ringing.

5.  Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad 

The tag-line made me, as the youths say, laugh out loud. 

Whoops! Apocalypse....

The horror! The horror!

Kurtz might be the apple of every brutish imperialist’s eye, but his God complex is getting wildly out of hand in the depths of the jungle. What on earth will Marlow find when he finally gets downriver? Devil worship? Savages? Heads on sticks? Or just another nutty white man with his knickers in a twist?

Surprisingly anti-racist summary made this jump to the higher echelons of this esteemed list, though of course that doesn’t excuse this novel’s abhorrent and embarrassing fake-deep racism. It also must be noted that the tag-line should have been “Whoops! White supremacy!” and the text of the novel should have entirely consisted of Chinua Achebe’s essay on the work. 

4. The Hounds of Baskerville by Arthur Conan Doyle

The cover alone is a winner. A rabid chihuahua out for blood? Inspired. 

Murder...Mystery...Walkies!

A desolate moor, a diabolical dog in need of a muzzle and some inbred locals; Sherlock Holmes is really up against it. With the help of his trusty sidekick Dr. Watson, Holmes pieces together a mystery that has captured the imagination of readers across the decades. All whilst practising a serious coffee and cocaine habit.

The tag-line is fun and catchy, but sadly this summary must be admonished for insisting that Dr. Watson is merely a “trusty sidekick” to Sherlock Holmes. Heterosexuality strikes again, reducing the impact of the striking cover design. 

3. Dubliners by James Joyce 

Finally! Some style, some panache, some flair to accompany these short stories about being sad and horny in Ireland. 

Stuck in the Liffey with you...

Booze, Sex and Hot Floury Potatoes… Those Dubliners are at it again!

Liars, thieves, whores and priests… James Joyce sure knew how to throw a party! This relentlessly downbeat collection explores the very worst aspects of human nature, and doesn’t leave out the juicy bits. It might not be in the best possible taste, but who doesn’t want to get down and dirty in Dublin?

The summary and cover work in tandem to wholeheartedly convince me that Dubliners is an action-packed, slick collection of stories detailing the wild escapades of a motley cast of ragamuffins, and I gotta hand it to the folks over at Pulp! Classics for injecting some bonafide vintage cool into Joyce’s work.

2. Othello by William Shakespeare 

I have so many thoughts on this. Mr. T. as Othello is fascinating, as is the tagline, “Some kind of Bard...aaaaasss.” Is this a commentary on blaxploitation media? One can’t help but recall Mr. T.’s reasoning behind his mohawk, his gold chains, to honor his ancestors and assert his living, unshakable humanity in a racist society. Is this is a genuine effort on the part of Pulp! Classics to imply that a blaxploitation-influenced adaptation of Othello could reveal deeper truths to the play that we have had yet to glimpse? 

Some kind of Bard... aaaasss

He’s a bardass brother with the love of a fine woman. That is until some cloven hoofed honky starts talking crazy about variously hued sheep tupping the hell outta each other! You gotta pity the fool who gets shafted by the green eyed monster. Let’s hope Othello can work out who to trust before it’s too late…

The fast-paced alliterative language of the summary harkens to Shakespeare’s own wit-fueled dialogue and penchant for creative language. The summary also calls Iago a devil, which is apt, and implicitly criticizes his racism, hinting at the play’s greater tragedies to come. The cover and summary also work in tandem to emphasize Othello’s jealousy and destruction: the “green-eyed monster” is mentioned, and the cover itself is a putrid green. An excellent example of what a vintage cover and summary can achieve. 

1. Frankenstein by Mary Shelly 

You all knew this was coming. 

This kid was born on the wrong side of the lab...

Frankenstein’s monster is on the rampage; terrorising the locals, unleashing murderous hell… and reading novels in his spare time. Can his petrified creator stop this reign of horror before his girlfriend gets the chop?

A James Dean-inspired creature, thereby making them a queer icon? Masterful. The creature being “born on the wrong side of the lab?” A stroke of genius; that they’re called a kid puts the poignancy of the monster’s plight into even greater relief, while simultaneously emphasizing their tragic charm. The clear distinction between Frankenstein and the creature? Reader, I exhaled in a cathartic release of tension. The loving detail that the creature reads novels in their spare time, like any other leather-jacket wearing, motorcycle-riding ruffian with a heart of gold? Beautiful. 

Truly, the obvious queer energy of this cover and summary highlights an overlooked dimension of Shelly’s great work while also paying homage to what draws us to this Modern Prometheus time after time. Do we care about the petrified creator in this summary? Not at all. He’s not on the cover, appearing both rebellious and gentle. We are here for the creature, in their leather jacket, on their motorcycle, novel sticking out of a back pocket on their jeans, ready to whisk us away to a place where even monsters like us can find solace, and be at peace, and commune with each other. We need only take their outstretched hand, and be willing to leave the mundane world for something better, for the chance to no longer be alone. 

[iwritesometimes]

filigods replied to your post

“thank you to the gorgeous @wordssometimesfail for tagging me in a get...”

s o n g r e c s

so THANKS (much belatedly for tolerating my fucking out of control need to word vomit about music at literally all hours of the day and night; forcing others to listen to songs i like is literally one of the few joys that makes life worth living. also, idk if this was intended in a “hey cool, song recs” way or a “hey, yeah, link me those songs” way, but @filigods, BABY YOU’RE GETTIN THOSE LINKS and also more because i am insufferable.

below the cut: links to just Some Music What I Think Is Cool, organized...pretty dubiously, but an attempt will be made. also, now and at all times, anyone who feels so inclined should always link me to music they’re liking right now or that they loved in the past or that they think is just the bee’s knees...anytime. ANYTIME.

okay so the songs i mentioned the other day are all in here, but i wanted to organize it a bit more than just a random grab bag to give you some direction so that you know what you might be into, if you’ve never heard of some of these (my music taste isn’t all that niche but i’ve gone through a lot of phases in my life XD). particular “omg please listen to this before you die” faves will be in italics.

best of pop/pop rock

stuff by Keane, My Fave Band:

“Crystal Ball”

“Won’t Be Broken”

“Sovereign Light Cafe”

“Bedshaped”

“My Shadow”

stuff by Tokio Hotel, my first RPF subjects

“Übers Ende der Welt”

“Spring nicht”

“Wo sind eure Hände”

stuff by Elliot Minor, classically trained and sadly disbanded

“Parallel Worlds”

“The White One Is Evil”

“The Broken Minor”

“Solaris”

“Shiver”

“Electric High”

stuff by Dino Merlin, Bosnia’s Elton John

“Zid”

“Sarajevo”

“Majka Ruži Kćer”

“Heroes of Earth” by Wang Leehom (listen to more of his stuff - he’s insanely talented and has albums in several different genres)

“Sun Goes Down” by David Jordan

stuff by Gorillaz, you’ve definitely heard them but may not have heard these

“Stylo”

“November Has Come”

“Feel Good Inc.”

“Broken”

“Busted and Blue”

“Du erinnerst mich an Liebe” by Ich + Ich

stuff by Josh Groban, HE’S GOOD ADMIT IT TO YOURSELVES

“Never Let Go”

“Remember When it Rained”

“You Are Loved”

“Weeping”

“Tigerlily” by La Roux (whole album’s great, but this one’s gayyyy)

“Grace Kelly” and “Origin of Love” by Mika

“Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk” by Rufus Wainwright

“Make This Go On Forever” and “Set the Fire to the Third Bar” by Snow Patrol

stuff by Owl City, the fluffiest synthpop to ever make me happy

“Fireflies”

“Swimming in Miami”

“Meteor Shower”

“Strawberry Avalanche”

“Running Up That Hill” by Placebo covering Kate Bush

“Velvet Sky” by Los Lonely Boys

“Chasing the Sun” and “Satellite Call” and “Eden” by Sara Bareilles (WHOLE ALBUM!!!)

“Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer

“Sad Clown” by Jars of Clay

stuff by Michael W. Smith, i can’t help i was raised on CCM please forgive me

“Cross of Gold”

“Lamu”

“Secret Ambition”

“Breathe in Me”

“Love Me Good”

“Faith My Eyes” and “High Countries” by Caedmon’s Call

stuff by Daft Punk, FUCKING SUPERB YOU FUNKY LITTLE ROBOTS (listen to all of Discovery and Random Access Memories!!)

“One More Time”

“Aerodynamic”

“Give Life Back to Music”

“Technologic”

“These Dreams” by Heart

“Even Rats” by The Slip

“To Build a Home” by The Cinematic Orchestra

“Mandolin Rain” and “The Way It Is” by Bruce Hornsby and the Range

“I’m Still Here” by John Rzeznik

“Ue o muite arukou” by Kyu Sakamoto

“Love Me Dead” by Ludo

“Just Communication” by Two-Mix (Soundcloud link because it’s not on YT?? however, this bitchin cover is!!)

“The Book of Love” by Peter Gabriel covering the Magnetic Fields

best of rock/rap rock

stuff by linkin park, baby’s first rock band (meteora and thousand suns, BEST albums)

“Forgotten”

“Somewhere I Belong”

“Breaking the Habit”

“Iridescent” (accidentally called this “The Radiance” in the op)

“The Messenger”

“Welcome Home” by Coheed and Cambria

“Televators” by The Mars Volta

“Isolation” and “Life Must Go On” by Alter Bridge

“Nemesis” by Arch Enemy

“Like a Stone” by Audioslave

“Lonely Boy” by The Black Keys

“In One Ear” and “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked” by Cage the Elephant (whole album!!)

“Jordan” by Buckethead

“Paralyzer” by Finger Eleven

stuff by Gackt, j-rock boy of my dreams since 2003

“Mirror”

“Vanilla”

“Returner”

“Orenji no Taiyou” (with Hyde)

“Through the Night” by Masahiko Arimachi

“Magick” and “It’s Not Over Yet” by Klaxons

“Deliverance” and “In Mist She Was Standing” by Opeth

stuff by Panik, my good good german boys who just couldn’t make it work

“Revolution”

“Geht ab”

“Grau”

“Perfekt”

“Morgencafe”

“Bevor du gehst”

“Careless Whisper” by Seether covering Wham!

“Seasons” by The Veer Union

“Cold” by Static X

“Change (In the House of Flies)” by Deftones

“System” by Chester Bennington

“Whipping Boy” by Train

“Chevette” and “Some Kind of Zombie” by Audio Adrenaline

“Colossal” and “Witchcraft” by Wolfmother (whole album is great)

“Whiskey in the Jar” by Metallica and “Turn the Page” by Metallica covering Bob Seger

“Gravedigger” by Dave Matthews Band

“Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls

“Icky Thump” and “Blue Orchid” by The White Stripes

“Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry

“You Shook Me All Night Long” and “Big Balls” by AC/DC (there is NO CORRECT VERSION of Big Balls on YT...sorry for the spotify link)

best of choral (most of which i’ve sung so i’m biased)/instrumental/soundtrack

Lux Aeterna and “O Magnum Mysterium” by Morten Lauridsen

The True Story of Cinderella (i was the queen in this :3)

Knock Knock and indeed anything by P.D.Q. Bach

“i thank You God for most this amazing day” and “Lux Aurumque” by Eric Whitacre

“Magnificat” by Arvo Pärt

“Set Me as a Seal” by René Clausen

“Cloudsong” and “The Heart’s Cry” by Anúna

“You Are the New Day” by The King’s Singers covering Airwaves, aka, the greatest love song of all time

“Castle in the Mist” and “You Were There” by Michiru Oshima (voc. Steven Geraghty)

“Prologue” and “The Farthest Land” by Ko Otani (the whole soundtrack is sublime, please listen to it!!!)

“The Mighty Rio Grande” and “They Move on Tracks of Never-Ending Light” by This Will Destroy You

“On the Nature of Daylight” by Max Richter (also, there’s a great mashup of this with “This Bitter Earth” by Dinah Washington)

“To Zanarkand” by Nobuo Uematsu (obviously, listen to everything the man ever wrote, but ofc my fave is the FFX OST)

“More Streets” by Zpiderflower

“I Was Born for This” by Austin Wintory (from the stellar Journey OST)

“The Ballad of Fiedler and Mundt” by Disparition

“Sex (Daedalus Remix)” by Slugabed

Castlevania malarkey

Best of “Bloody Tears”: official 1, official 2, official 3, fanmix 4

Best of “Vampire Killer”: official 1, official 2, fanmix 3

Best of “Simon’s Theme”: official 1, official 2, fanmix 3, fanmix 4

Super Castlevania IV (PLEASE listen to the whole thing but my faves): “Forest of Monsters”, “The Submerged City”, “Clockwork Mansion 2″, “The Library”, “Dracula Battle”, “Ending”

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (ditto above): “Dance of Illusions”, “Dracula’s Castle”, “Marble Gallery”, “Lost Painting”, “Dance of Pales”, “Wandering Ghosts”, “Final Toccata”

“Clotho”, “Atropos”, and “Lathesis” from the Columns OST

Zelda shenanigans

“Title Theme (Wind Waker)”

“Dragon Roost Island”

“The Great Sea”

“Main Theme (Breath of the Wild)”

“Riding (Day)”

“Riding (Night)”

“Stables”

“Kakariko Village”

“Rito Village (Day)”

“Tarrey Town”

“Maze Forest”

“Hyrule Castle” and “Hyrule Castle Interior”

okay i gotta quit - i’ve had this tab open for like a week and a half now and i just keep adding stuff. this is enough to get anybody started. i hope y’all find something you like. :)

[simplylove101]

Influential TV Shows

Okay this is kinda random and why I prob won’t tag the shows I list cuz this is more just something I wanted to get out of my head after watching J&J’s latest podcast where they were talking about this topic. They kept it to 7 shows each and while that would certainly be interesting to try, that’s kinda hard. lol I went about grouping some of them - shows that shaped me growing up, shows that impacted me/stuck with me, comfort shows/watch with the family, taught me about fandoms, etc. And saying something about each of them. Anyway, this is stupid but here we go lol:

The Shows Growing Up:

Sailor Moon: Okay, nobody make fun of me. lol This is the first show I remember really watching as a kid that wasn't Barney or whatever, something I decided to watch by myself and it actually had an ongoing story. And ofc it took time for me to realize that this was just an English dubbed version that they would play on Cartoon Network. Looking back on it, it’s a little cringey (the voice readings, Serena being a bit of a crybaby) but seeing girls, even if it was animated, kicking ass over evil as a group made an impression on me so it’s no wonder I would watch it religiously after school and was sad when they stopped airing it. And ofc I watched all the movies too. I was a shameless fan. lmao I also eventually read the manga and appreciated it.

Hey Arnold: As a kid, I would watch Cartoon Network & Nickelodeon (& eventually Disney when I got a little bit older), and I think one of the Nickelodeon shows that really stuck with me as a kid, like Rugrats, was this one. It had a wide range of really distinct characters. It was genuinely funny. And I did love the dynamic between Arnold & Helga (who was interesting & sometimes they would let her be the protagonist of an ep instead of him, like the therapist one which is a def fave) even if her crush was kinda as stalkerish as you can get why maintaining innocence. lol And you know what? I did totally watch the recent movie they did where it tied up loose ends like getting these two together and allowing her to grow as a character. Gotta say it was rewarding after all this time. lol  

All That: I feel like I gotta put this here because I watched this show all the time as a kid. And I think it’s something that really taught me about comedy. I had seen things from Saturday Night Live growing up cuz of my parents but this was my Nickelodeon version with people that weren’t much older than me at the time so I could really get what was going on/enjoy it. It’s also the first place where we saw people like Amanda Bynes & Kenan Thompson & Kel Mitchell (which is partly why I later watched things like The Amanda Show and Kenan & Kel) What can I say? As a young person, it was just really cool seeing kids being funny. Yeah, there was some cheese but I didn’t care. It stayed with me.

Boy Meets World/Sister, Sister/Lizzie McGuire/Even Stevens: I kinda cheated here and bundled these shows because these are four of the shows I watched on Disney growing up (Disney showed reruns of Boy Meets World & Sister, Sister for the record) There were others like That’s So Raven, Suite Life, Wizards of Waverly sort of, Proud Family to name a few but these shows I picked have such iconic episodes that I still remember well and love. Like Even Stevens - musical episode hands down Idc. Boy Meets World - Scream-inspired Halloween ep for sure. Yes, there was cheesiness with all these shows. Sometimes very after-school special, but they shaped me I think. Also gotta mention, I remember thinking of Hilary Duff as my idol. lol

The Ones I Watched With the Fam:

That 70′s Show: Now the thing with my family is that we were one where for a time we would watch tv while eating dinner and my dad would have control of what channel we watched. It was always this way, which meant it would either be Law & Order or Seinfeld (the second one I was cool with and I almost included it on here cuz it’s such a staple comedy but eh,,, I appreciated it more later on. It felt more forced on me at the time) This is probably one of the only shows I can say my whole family truly agreed on watching all together tho, including my sister who generally watches trashy reality shows. This show will always remain one of my faves, because it was hilarious. It got a little weaker towards the end (We do NOT speak about Season 8) but I loved how it was a true ensemble sitcom where everyone brought something to the table and enjoyed the different dynamics between the group. The funny running gags, Jackie & Hyde still remain one of my all-time otps, and Kelso is probably the funniest & lovable dumb character I can think of (If nothing else, Ashton Kutcher was meant to play this part ok) It was nice to have something my whole family could enjoy together. It was a rarity so this show has a special place in my heart for that alone.

Joan of Arcadia: Another show that has a place in my heart, despite it only lasting 2 seasons and it ending on a bad note (major cliffhanger, still never fully making things right w/ Adam after destroying his character, ultimately S2 was problematic but still) because this is a show that I watched religiously (pun not actually intended here lol) with my mom every Friday it was on. What I loved about it was that the concept is centered around Joan talking to God yet it generally wasn’t being preachy. Joan wasn’t always willing to do what God wanted her to do, and things didn’t always turn out how she wanted. It was a kinda perfect blend for me and my mom to watch together. After this we were more willing to watch stuff as a pair cuz we were close but this started all that. I remember always being curious how God would appear to Joan cuz it was always changing, but there were some fave recurring ones like Cute Guy God, Goth God & Old Lady God to name a few. heh Joan was played wonderfully by the awesome Amber Tamblyn who could always make me cry (naturally she played my fave Tibby in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies too lol) and she had awesome friends in Adam & Grace (who were my faves) and family. I rewatched this show and you know, I’d say S1 holds up and even the first half of S2. Heck, the episode where Joan & Adam break up towards the end of it, while totally heartbreaking and PISSES me off cuz bad writing for Adam, was solid simply for the acting so there’s that. lol

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Putting this show under this category because this was a show that I mostly got into because my sister loved it growing up. I was really young when it came out so I mostly remembered bits & pieces when I later watched it when I got a little older. It stuck with me tho cuz ofc the awesome Sarah Michelle Gellar playing badass Buffy (she was my sister’s idol) and it was a genuinely funny and smart show. It also got dark too. It wasn’t always solid towards the end, but I think it mostly nailed the actual ending (why Anya had to die tho... Spike I got but ugh) Anyway, this was kinda a big deal cuz it was the only thing my sister and I really watched together that wasn’t bad reality television or me barely paying attention to Dawson’s Creek at the time lol This showed that my sister could have taste when she wanted to (lmao sorry)

The Carol Burnett Show: I had to mention this show because this is one that got me, really my family, through dealing with my mom’s dementia. We chose to care for her at home instead of putting her in a nursing home. We did this for 2 years until her death. And the one thing we (excluding my sister cuz her & old stuff don’t mix) could always count on cheering us up was this show. My dad told me that my mom loved this show growing up and that’s why we turned on for her. So luckily memory or no memory, she still had a sense of humor and she knew when to laugh. And with good reason. This show is hilarious. So iconic. Carol Burnett was/is rightfully loved dearly for this show. I wish I had more I could say, but this was truly a comfort show when I desperately needed it so I am forever grateful that it existed.

Honorable Mention: Young & Hungry - another show that got us through that dark period, my dad actually really enjoyed this, despite seeming skeptical, and eventually started calling it the “Josh & Gaby Show” lmao Only thing is we never finished it together so oops. Not so much influential maybe but worth mentioning it felt like since it was underrated, got me thru a tough time, was hilarious and I loved that cast a lot. Emily Osment deserved to be the lead of her own show. Comedy queen.

The Ones That Brought Out the Fangirl In Me AKA The Teen Years:

The O.C/One Tree Hill/Gossip Girl/The Vampire Diaries: Another category where I’m just grouping them up together cuz ultimately it wasn’t about high art with these shows. They were the staple teen shows that everyone was watching and well, I was one of those people. lol It all started with The O.C. It was one of those ‘at the right time’ kinda things cuz I just went into the 6th grade when S1 started and it was such a big hit that everyone was always talking about it and there were even shirts involved (I never went that far lol) but this is where my need to explore YouTube came and then I was making fanvids. Gossip Girl is the one where I actually inserted myself into a fandom for the first time. My goodness the cringe that came with it but it gave me two of the longest online friendships I’ve ever had so I don’t regret it. (Shoutout to @backtothestart02 here as one of them) And well, three of these shows taught me the toxicity that can come from fandom. So I’ve been less vocal/more aware with other shows because of it. There’s problematic stuff in all of these but they were entertaining most of the time despite frustration (lol) 

Honorable Mention: Teen Wolf - Had to mention this one cuz this was a show where I had a group of friends who all watched this together and we talked about it til the end (even when we weren’t happy with it lol) I was never really vocal in the fandom cuz by this point I was wary of them (fandoms I mean), but it was nice to share a show with people who felt similarly about it. As a show, I truly loved it up to 3B. Some of my favorite episodes were the ones that almost felt standalone-ish (3x06 AKA Motel California still remains my fave to this day) Lastly, it’s because of this show I was introduced to Dylan O’Brien who I always refer to as my ‘always & forever’ guy so yeah lol

Maybe Superhero Shows Are Worth Watching lol:

The Flash/Daredevil/Cloak & Dagger/Runaways: So I’m someone who growing up, beyond Spider-Man and Batman, never really jumped at superhero movies. I still don’t to an extent but I’m more willing to watch stuff now. I think because when it comes to TV, I’m willing to check out at least an ep. I got into The Flash because my friend Lauren was really into it (and still very much is now) and wanted me to check it out so I did. I sorta watched Arrow before it until a point so I’d seen Barry’s appearances on it and remembered thinking he was precious so I wasn’t surprised that I liked him as a main character. I do think these later seasons have lost some quality but I think the earlier ones were very solid and Grant is perfect in the role. Daredevil... R.I.P. That show was so high quality so the fact that Netflix cancelled it is just rude. Now... Cloak & Dagger has been one of those surprises for me cuz it was such a slow burn that when it really got going it left me wanting more. That S1 finale was so solid. Cannot wait for S2. Love the dynamic between Ty & Tandy. Now Runaways isn’t perfect but it’s my biggest fandom right now and I’m proud of that fact. It’s a show that highlights diversity with 4 PoC leads & 4 kickass ladies (Nico & Gert are my bb girls), healthy ships including an LGBTQ couple currently as the main one (tho it is Gertchase that owns my heart), and overall a pretty great cast that meshes well like the thrown together family they portray. It even got me back into writing fanfic again. A miracle tbh. lol

Overall Just Amazing:

This Is Us: I just think that this show pulled me in the second they revealed that first plot twist in the pilot. It surprised me and then they kept doing that a bit after. Now it’s more about how it has the ability to make me cry every ep and feel things. It doesn’t always touch me the same it did in that first season (it was an emotional year for me tbh) but it does have a class act cast who can always pull at my heart strings.

Boardwalk Empire: This technically could have went under something I sort of watched with my dad, but it is kinda a weird show to share I guess. We didn’t usually watch it together (saved some awkward convos sometimes lol) but always talked about each episode weekly and it was kinda fun cuz it was usually in-depth. My dad still quotes things from it to this day. He also once said that he considers S1 the best TV season he’s ever watched. I agree that it was great. For me, the first 3 seasons are solid while the last 2 felt different but still pretty good. There was such quality to it. Great acting headed by Steve Buscemi. What can I say? I have a thing for gangster stories. I could say more but I’ll stop. lol

Stranger Things: The show that really turned me into a binge-watcher. I had just gotten Netflix and what show did I decide to watch on my birthday? This show. I had seen things in the media about the kids from it and I was like, they’re adorable!! And ofc I got hooked when I actually watched the show. It just has everything in it that I like: mystery, thrills, humor, hint of romance, awesome acting, music moments, nostalgia. This was my obsession for a while until I got into some other things but if you don’t think I’m totally pumped for S3, then you best believe I’m watching it all in a day if I can. lol

Community: This is a show that reminded me how a show can think totally outside of the box and still have a lot of heart with its comedy. I love situations where a group of misfits come together and become a family. I love that this show celebrates being different. Troy Barnes remains one of my favorite TV characters ever (& omg his friendship with Abed is pure goals!!) and Donald Glover played him perfectly. And Alison Brie is just adorable as Annie. Love this group of weirdos. The quality was different after S3 but I still adore it.

Into the Badlands: Have to mention this show because what it has been doing action-wise is just incredible. The fighting sequences are out of this world. I’m always excited to see how they top it. Also, an Asian male lead? Go dude! The whole cast is wonderful and everything is just high quality, ok? Also, that cinematography!! Can’t believe it’s ending when it comes back. Sadness.

One Day at a Time: This is more of a recent discovery for me (had friends who watched it and knew it was good but only decided to check it out not too long ago) but it’s already made its impact on me. This show has so much heart to it. The writers put so much care into their work when they bring up these controversial issues in the episodes. All while being totally hilarious (but also trust me, I manage to cry at least 1 or twice an ep lol) A show centered on a Cuban family, plenty of good rep for LGBTQ/non-binary people while also handling things like depression/anxiety, addiction, immigration, etc. It’s definitely making its mark on TV. Also, Rita Moreno is a living legend who I adore. I love this cast so much.

12 Monkeys: I. loved. this. show! I still think it had the best series finale that I have seen in a while. It wrapped up things so well that I was smiling for a while after watching it. I couldn’t believe that of all shows this one gave me a happy ending. lol Casserole remains one of my all-time ships because they were truly epic and pulled at my heart strings so many times. Jennifer Goines was my queen. But seriously, a show about time travel that managed to make sense? So impressed. And the visuals? gahhh

Friday Night Lights: Last, but most definitely not least, this show is just up there as one of the all-time bests IDC. The fact that at first glance the show seems centered only about football and it got me to keep watching definitely says something. lol This show had so much heart, the cast was excellent, an ending that was pretty much perfect. Coach & Tami Taylor were relationship goals. Honestly one of the best portrayals of a married couple I’ve ever seen because they were very much a team (while yes there was the occasional bickering that you gotta love) and it just felt real, you know? Also, it’s a show that proved that you can come back from a sophomore slump (yeah S2 was the worst season) and continue to be great.I can’t decide if it’s my favorite show of all-time but it’s certainly one of the first ones to come to mind. So glad I decided to give it a chance.

There’s probably a couple other shows I could list here but some I haven’t finished yet and don’t feel ready to put them on here yet. This is just what I could come up with.

[see-arcane]

Avengers #4 OR Jason Aaron and the Case of the Dueling Lokis

Long spoilers short for the latest Avengers

-evil space bugs

-big scary goth Celestials

-Odin flashback, battle battle, all is lost, did I mention I totally banged the Phoenix, trufacts

-bad times, sad times

-monologues

-Avengers doing avengeful stuff, etc

-and...Loki. Oh, Loki.

I’ve kind of circled past aggravation and hit a wall of pure confusion. It’s a confusion that gives me a very, very, very small, nigh microscopic iota of hope, but confusion nonetheless. That confusion comes from the fact that Jason Aaron is currently writing two series with Loki as part of the main cast. Specifically, Loki as played by Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Aaron is currently in charge of Thor and Avengers, the first with Loki as the impish tag along slash wild card to Thor. The other with Loki as the ominous and increasingly Siege-flavored mouthpiece for the Dark Celestials and a warped version of the Humans are a Plague, Very Terribad, Salt the Earth spiel--which, if we remember Loki’s bit of prologue back in Legacy #1, is likely (hopefully) all a very roundabout way of conning the Dark Celestials into opening the door to some kind of power source. 

Point being: Jason Aaron is writing two series simultaneously (time being the utter clusterfuck it always is in comics) featuring two extremely opposite Lokis. 

Here’s the Loki we just saw in Thor #2:

Versus what we see with the Avengers:

This guy is being penned by the same writer. Neither of them seem particularly in line with the more roguish God of Stories we’ve seen fleeting glimpses of with Ryan North and Donny Cates and--horrendous art aside--with the Vote Loki iteration given to us by Christoper Hastings...but the fact that these Lokis are both coming from Aaron means that they must ultimately share the same goal (as dictated by Aaron’s admittedly cockeyed view of the character).

What I’m sure will happen is that Loki, in both series, will suffer some kind of asskicking, but ultimately slip away with some ulterior motive successfully paid off. A power source, another segue into the Infinity War hullabaloo, whatever. Playing the parts he needs to play as hero/villain/anti-villain to steer the narrative towards his needs.

What I would really, really like to happen--and thus it won’t--is to have Loki pull a Multiple Man gambit. You know, this guy:

In his own comics he once tried to live up to his name and live as multiple men having their own separate lives, absorbing more experience and intel than he could alone. It backfired because all of his copies wound up getting attached to said lives and had no desire to fuse back together into one dude and leave everything behind. It was a mess. 

You know who has canonically pulled off several successful schemes, consciously and subconsciously, always with self-destruction and evolution at the root, with every single incarnation???

These guys:

I won’t hold my breath waiting for it to happen. At best Aaron will pen it so that his version of Loki is playing any side and role necessary to reach some Huge and Ominous Power Boost for Reasons. 

But for the sake of this god, the one stitched together by Gillen and Ewing with so much love, I’ll imagine there is more than one of them at work. Some out in space, some dangling from the World Tree’s branches, some playing herald to out-of-towner horrors, some in the city capering with Squirrel Girl or splitting a red bottle with their best friend. 

And at least one, alone. Sitting in a vast white space with a number of comics spread in front of them. Watching and orchestrating the faraway selves he made to tilt the stories as required.

Waiting.

[angclradiio]

RULES: tag ten followers you want to know better!

TAGGED BY: @waywardfeathered

TAGGING:  @tobeblamed @fallcnintohell @xragaire @castyael @ceasedtime @samaelnomcre @chuckxalmighty @haloese @gabrielthemessanger @ofinfiniteuniverses

NAME: Miranda STAR SIGN: pisces HEIGHT: 163 cm (ish) aka 5 ft. 5 in. WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? kathleen

PUT YOUR ITUNES ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?

05. A Fifth Princess/ Holmes in Flight - Bruce Broughton (Young Sherlock Holmes soundtrack) I Wanna Be a Star - Jennifer Chi w/Sandy Howell (Sailor Moon -Songs from the Hit TV Show) I Gave You All ( Live ) - Mumford & Sons (Sigh No More [Deluxe] Disc 2) Gentleman After Dark - Honor Society (A Tale of Risky Business Part 2) Sad But True - Rooney (Washed Away) Dotted Lines - Sweet Talk Radio (technically Unofficial Haven [TV Show] Soundtrack)

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? Yes. My really good friend Solis wrote a hilarious poem about me as a joke which I still have in an old music box on my bookshelf. Because she calls me Michael Jackson. Long Story that I will attempt to sum up. Basically during Spirit Week one year in school I was dressed as Kim Possible and as I was fixing my gloves she only saw one and was like ‘What are you? Michael Jackson?‘ and because I protested she thought it was funny and called me Michael forever. She then eventually wrote me a poem ‘Miranda the Panda-Tito-Latoya-Michael-Jackson-Bubbles‘. Because my friend is a GLORIOUS Troll. And a dragon.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? Uhhhh...I am not sure actually. I know like @waywardfeathered I did some air piano yesterday.

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH? This is hard. I crush on so many for a million different reasons. Um. Jonathan Groff is a current one because I’ve been listening to ‘36 Questions the Podcast Musical’ on repeat the last few days.  Tom Hughes. 

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE?

HATE: nails on a chalkboard

LOVE: ocean waves / storms (especially storms over an ocean / whale sounds ( I like water, okay? )

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? I think so. I’ve seen some weird shit.

HOW ABOUT ALIENS? No

DO YOU DRIVE? no.

IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? -

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Well the last book I FINISHED is The Carnelian Crow by Colleen Gleason (Book Four of the Stoker & Holmes series) The book I am currently reading/struggling to finish is The Diabolical Miss Hyde by Viola Carr

I’ve been in a Steampunk mood.

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? Nope.

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? Technically I rewatched The Lady Vanishes (2013) version In a theater? I have no idea. It has been a while. I was supposed to see ‘Tag’ w/ Jeremy Renner but that fell through

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? I think my worst self-inflicted injury is really falling and scrapping up my knees and arms horribly. Otherwise, surgery-wise I recently had two craniotomies. (I’m healing and all good now. No worries. It just REALLY SUCKS waiting for hair to grow back/feeling to return [if ever] to my skull.)

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? 36 Questions the Podcast Musical (available on itunes/Spotify for the soundtrack and in the podcast area of itunes for the actual podcast) also here

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? Not normally. There are a few people from RP (AGES AGO) that were being really horrible/abusive that I won’t write with again.

IN A RELATIONSHIP? HA. hahahahhaha You’re hilarious, Questionnaire.

[pocket-luv101]

I made a post about Licht wearing Hyde’s scarf and I intended it to be fluffy but it turned out a little angsty instead.

“I’m going to kill that fucking hedgehog.” Licht mumbled to himself as he tried to adjust his sweater to cover his neck but it was utterly impossible. He blushed when he remembered the previous night and touched one of the hickeys Hyde gave him. If anyone saw them, Licht would die of embarrassment but he didn’t have any clothes that would cover them because he only packed his summer clothes. He thought about asking Kranz to buy him a scarf but then he spotted Hyde’s scarf on the ground.

“Well, this is your fault so the least you can do is lend me your scarf.” Licht picked up his scarf and wrapped it around his neck securely. It was surprisingly comfortable and soft. He remembered one time Mahiru told him how he liked to steal Kuro’s jacket and Licht didn’t understood why. Wearing Hyde’s scarf now, he could see the appeal. Hyde’s subtle scent clung to the fabric and Licht smiled to himself.

They needed to leave for his rehearsal soon and Licht turned to their bed to wake Hyde. He stopped when he saw the peaceful expression he had. They didn’t get much sleep last night and Licht decided to let him rest in a little more. The recital hall was on the first floor of the hotel so they didn’t have to worry about their distance limitation. 

Licht closed the curtains more tightly so the sun wouldn’t wake Hyde. He knew that Hyde could most likely panic if he woke up alone so Licht wrote him a note. As he placed it on the nightstand, he glanced at Hyde’s soft expression again. Licht ran his hand through Hyde’s hair lightly and his fingers brushed against the chain around his neck. He rarely took off his name tag and the few times he did, Hyde always made sure to keep it nearby. The only thing he treated similarly was his scarf.

“I’ll take your scarf as punishment but don’t think I’ll always go easy on you just because you’re cute.” Licht said softly to him even though Hyde couldn’t respond to him. He was certain that he wouldn’t have the courage to say something so affectionate if Hyde was awake. “Don’t sleep in too late.”

Licht made sure to close the door quietly behind him when he left the room. He adjusted the black scarf around him one last time before he went to meet Kranz. He planned to speak with the hotel owner that morning and told Licht to meet him downstairs. Licht slept in a little and he wouldn’t be late so he rushed down the hall. He didn’t want to hear Kranz lecture him so early in the morning.

He spotted Gil at the end of the hall and Licht stopped to talk to him. Licht couldn’t see his expression because of his whale costume but Gil was shocked to see Licht wearing the familiar black scarf. Before he could comment on it, Licht spoke first. “The stupid hedgehog is still sleeping but don’t bother waking him yet. He’ll disturb my rehearsal so let him laze around for a while. I left him a note telling him where I am but if he runs off before reading it, stop him from rampaging for me.”

“Okay.” Gil nodded, well aware of how Hyde would react if he woke up and found his Eve missing. Licht thanked him and started to run down the hall again but Gil stopped him. “Wait, isn’t that Hyde’s scarf?”

“Yeah, I’m borrowing it.” Licht blushed a little because he remembered the reason he had to steal it.

“He gave it to you?” Gil’s voice was a mixture of shock and amazement. Licht tilted his head in confusion a little. Hyde always wore the scarf but Licht didn’t think it was different from the other accessories he had. Gil patted his head and his voice was proud. “You really made him grow up. Take good care of that Servamp and his scarf. He trusted you with something important.”

“Sure,” Licht agreed even though he didn’t understand the significance behind Gil’s words. His phone rang and he swore softly when he saw that it was Kranz. “Shit, I’m late. Bye, Gil.”

Licht played a few scales on the hotel’s piano and listened to the notes carefully. Each piano was different so he needed to familiarize himself with it to bring out its full potential. Kranz left to speak with some of the staff and Licht was alone on stage but he preferred the quiet when he was practising. So, he made an annoyed sigh when the door flew open violently. Licht turned and saw that it was Hyde.

He had a panicked expression and he was breathing heavily so Licht knew that he must’ve ran all the way down from their hotel room. Licht stood and yelled at him. “What the hell, Shit Rat? Don’t make so much noise while I’m practising. Didn’t you read my note? Gil must’ve told you I was here so you don’t need to run around like some maniac.”

Hyde stride forward without a word and slammed his hands down on the piano on either side of him. The keys screamed angrily when he did but Licht wasn’t shaken. He was trapped between Hyde’s arms but Licht could never be afraid of him. The panic and desperation in his eyes did worry Licht though. They fought many times but he never saw Hyde so angry before. 

“You took my scarf without asking!”

“That’s what you’re angry about? You interrupted my practise and you could’ve broken the piano, Shit Rat. Don’t get pointlessly mad and act like a child.” Licht yelled back and Hyde’s eyes flashed for a moment. He tried to take the scarf back but Licht held onto it, not wanting to let Hyde win a fight. They were both acting petty and Licht didn’t know why Hyde would put so much importance on a simple scarf.

“Let it go, Lichtan!” Hyde demanded. He didn’t stop trying to take the scarf back even after Licht kicked him roughly. They both started screaming over each other. “Stop struggling or else you’ll rip it! Give it back to me, Lichtan!”

“Damnit, Shit Rat, I’m just borrowing it. You can go a day without wearing this stupid thing. Let go of me, Hyde! You’re hurting me! Why is it so important, anyways?”

“Ophelia gave it to me!”

Hyde felt Licht stiffened and he froze as well. Neither of them spoke for a moment and Hyde felt his throat go dry. He realized how strong his grip on Licht’s arm was and he immediately let go of him. He stepped away from him but Licht didn’t move. He rushed to apologize but the words caught in his chest when he saw his expression. Licht’s wide eyes became a storm of emotions. Surprise, regret, envy and sadness clashed until he closed his eyes.

Finally, Licht moved and slowly took off the scarf. He thrust it towards Hyde and pushed him away at the same time. “Take it. I was only using your scarf to cover the bite marks you left. But, don’t worry, that won’t happen again. Don’t bite me again and sleep on the couch for the rest of the trip. You should’ve told me earlier. I would’ve never touched it if I knew that it was so important to you.”

“Wait, Licht, I’m sorry for being rough! I reacted poorly.” Hyde cupped his cheeks to make Licht look up at him. He gasped when he roughly pushed his hands away. Licht kept his face lowered so he wouldn’t see his expression. “Licht, I love you.”

“… I need to go see Kranz and ask him if he has something to cover up your stupid bite marks. Don’t bother me until my tour is over because I need to focus on my performance.” Licht ordered before he turned away. Hyde wanted to run after him as he watched him leave but the hurt in Licht’s voice paralyzed him. He looked down at the scarf in his hands and it felt much heavier than usual.

Licht woke up early and peered out of his room to see Hyde asleep on the couch. It had been a couple days since their fight and Licht had been avoiding him. Once he was certain that Hyde was asleep, Licht opened the door fully. He heard him pacing in front of his room for most of the night so he knew that he must’ve been tired and sleeping deeply now.

In front of his door was a melon and Licht knew that Hyde was the one that left it there. Everyday since their fight, Hyde would leave small gifts for him as an apology but Licht refused to be swayed. He stepped over the melon and walked to the door. They were in Japan and they already made plans to spend the day with Mahiru and Neko-san. Licht decided to see them alone and woke up early so Hyde couldn’t follow him.

Licht placed his hand on the doorknob but he couldn’t stop himself from looking back to Hyde on the couch. He sighed heavily to himself and walked to the couch. Hyde’s expression was a little sad and Licht pulled the blanket over him more. Then he wrote a note that told him he was going to see Mahiru and placed it over Hyde’s face.

“Why do I love an idiot like you?” Licht whispered but didn’t stay to hear his answer.

He left the hotel and walked to Mahiru’s apartment alone. It was still early in the morning and hours before the time the Sloth Pair was expecting him but he was certain that Mahiru was too kind to turn him away. Playing with Neko-san would also be a good way to take his mind off Hyde. But, walking down the street alone, Hyde was all that filled his thoughts.

Licht remembered the expression Hyde had when he tried to take back the scarf from him. He could only remember one other time he saw Hyde lose his composure like that. It was when they were trapped by Tsubaki. He knew Hyde’s past and how important Ophelia was to him so he understood why he reacted the way he did. Losing someone you loved and having to move on was already difficult but they also parted tragically.

Even though he understood that, it still hurt him.

Licht knew how Hyde felt about Ophelia but he told himself that it was his past. He thought that he moved on from that time in his life. Seeing the way Hyde clung to the scarf Ophelia gave him, he couldn’t help but have a little doubt. Was he just a replacement or a distraction from her? Hyde did describe him as ‘a way to kill time’ before they became close but he thought that changed, especially after they started dating.

He had no illusions about what Hyde was before they met, a man driven mad with grief who was screaming for help. Now, he wondered if he still wanted something he lost. Licht didn’t know how he could compete against a ghost. Hyde showed him his past and he saw how much he loved Ophelia. He hated feeling jealous and petty but he couldn’t help how he felt.

It was perfectly reasonable for him to have keepsakes of that time. Maybe Hyde moved on but wanted to keep them for the memories, Licht tried to tell himself. But then he remembered how Hyde reacted to seeing him wear it and his heart tightened more. While Hyde was the first person he fell in love with, Licht was painfully aware that it wasn’t the same for Hyde.

“Licht, Mahiru’s house was a block ago.” Licht looked back and saw that Gil was standing behind him. He was so last in thought that he didn’t realize that he passed Mahiru’s home or that Gil was following him. “Hyde told me to watch over you and bring you back before you start feeling pain.”

“So, he decided not to join.” Licht said in an irritated voice but he was a little disappointed. He could feel Gil’s eyes on him so he lied. “I’m going to have to leave early because of our stupid distance limitation. I want to play with Neko-san.”

“You can play with him later but I want to speak with you right now.” Gil gestured to a bench and sat down as best as he could with his giant whale costume.

“I’m not going to talk to him again.” Licht said but he sat down next to him. Even though he was angrier with himself than Hyde, it was still difficult to face him. He knew that if they did speak to each other again, they would have to talk about their fight. That would undoubtedly lead to Ophelia and Licht didn’t want to hear Hyde say he loved her.

Licht already knew how much Hyde loved her but hearing it could break his heart.

“I wasn’t going to tell you to do anything. I know you won’t listen. I wanted to apologize to you for not saying anything when I saw you in the hall. I thought you already knew that she was the one that gave it to him.” Gil saw the sadness in Licht’s eyes and he couldn’t help but feel partly responsible.

“We both know that getting that demon to talk about his past is like pulling teeth.” Licht mumbled and Gil nodded. “He kept it all this time…”

“Once a contract ended, their item becomes black.” Gil explained. “She made it herself. Ophelia would make a personalized scarf for each guard to make them feel welcomed in the castle. She was a good princess and a better queen. Everyone loved her and even Hyde could barely bring himself to lecture her when she went out of line. She—”

“She was kind and selfless and wonderful. I already know that so why are you bothering telling me this?” Licht interrupted him and his heart tightened. “You never had to stop them from fighting like you do with us and you miss that, don’t you? Kranz already yell at me enough for that so you don’t need to say it. Hyde’s the one that always start our fights so go bother him.”

“I don’t mind it that much. It’s my job.” Gil wanted to comfort Licht. He watched the pair for the past three days and knew that they were both in pain. As Greed’s Subclass, it was his job to support them. “I served him for a long time so I know his vices very well. Hyde’s childish and emotional but you’re making him a better person everyday. He loves you.”

Licht sighed and leaned against Gil. “Hyde misses her. If she was still alive, he wouldn’t look twice at me. He looked at her like she was the sun. I saw it.”

“He did. But I see how he looks at you like you’re his salvation. Don’t compare yourself to her because you’re two completely different people to him. He loved her then. He loves you now.”

“Then why did he yell at me like that? It feels like he hasn’t moved on. Does he still love her?”

“That’s something you need to ask him yourself. I know you’re scared to ask him but you don’t need to be. You’ve never been one to run away. That’s Hyde and doing so ruined his chance for love last time.”

In the end, Licht didn’t go see Mahiru and he walked back to the hotel instead. Hyde wasn’t there and waiting for him in silence was chipping away at his resolve. He knew that they needed to talk but Licht’s nerves were starting to get the better of him. Licht hugged his legs and pressed his forehead to his knees. He didn’t know how their conversation would end and a hundred different scenarios played in his mind.

The best ending and the one Licht wanted, Hyde would hold him and reassure him. Worst case, Hyde would admit that he still had feelings for Ophelia. Licht didn’t know what they would do if that happened. He loved Hyde and he wanted to be with him. But knowing that Hyde was thinking of someone else whenever they were together would be painful.

Licht heard the door open and he looked up to see Hyde in the doorway. He looked shocked for a moment before he sheepishly held up a bag. “I thought you were going to play with Nii-san a little longer so I went out to buy us lunch. I hope you’re in the mood for Greek food. I also brought a melon if you want to skip straight to desert. I’ll cut it for us and—”

“Hyde, we need to talk.” He stiffened at the sound of his name. Licht rarely called him by the name he gave him so he knew that he was being serious. Thinking the worst, Hyde dropped the bags and ran to the couch. He fell to his knees in front of Licht and took his hands into his desperately.

“Please, Licht, don’t break up with me.” Hyde begged. “I know that I messed up and I was wrong. I was rough with you and I hurt you. I love you so that’s the last thing I want to do. I promised to protect you and I meant it. I’m so sorry, Licht. I’ll do anything to prove that to you. Just, please, don’t leave me. Licht, say something!”

“What do you want me to say? It wasn’t significant enough to tell me that your scarf was important because she made it for you. But it was important enough that you chased me down for it. That’s what hurt me.” Licht pulled his hands out of his and Hyde’s expression crumbled at the rejection. Seeing how sad he was, Licht wanted to hold him but he was hurting too. “Do you still love her? Do you ever wish I was her?”

“Oh God, Licht, of course not. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” Hyde stood and hugged him to his chest tightly. He was a little scared that Licht would push him away so he was relieved when he hugged him back. “She was important to me but you’re my world now. I love you so much. My scarf holds a lot of important memories to me and that’s what I got upset over. Memories, not feelings. I thought I lost it or someone stole it and got really scared.”

Hyde stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head. Licht leaned into his tender touch and closed his eyes. The pain gripping his heart eased a little but not by much. He wondered if, a thousand years from now, would he hold his name tag with as much importance. Hyde could feel that Licht was still a little stiff in his arms so he leaned away from him.

He took off his scarf and wrapped it around Licht. His eyes widened a little and quickly tried to untie the scarf. Hyde stopped him by placing his hand over his and held the scarf firmly in place. He kissed the corner of his eye and trailed his lips across his temple.

He whispered in his ear. “I love you, Licht. I didn’t realize before but you actually look pretty cute in my scarf. Anytime you want to wear it, take it. You don’t need to ask me or anything. Even if I’m wearing it, you can take it.”

“Are you sure?” Licht asked hesitantly and Hyde nodded without any uncertainty.

“Everything I am belongs to you and that includes my memories. I love you so much and I’ll give you anything. So, please, don’t leave me.” The devotion and love he had shone in his eyes and Licht took his hands.

“I can’t leave you. I love you.”

I don’t know what Lawless’s item was when he was with Ophelia and I’m pretty sure that there’s a lot of theories out there. I’m not entirely certain that it’s his scarf but it worked with this fanfic.