#woah a mysterious anon

[number-one-ares-kid]

When Cameron wakes up, there is a piercing ringing sound coming from somewhere in the cabin. It sounds like an alarm, and goes off once every 15 minutes, for one minute.

Unfortunately, it’s not restricted to the cabin. It follows him everywhere. And in addition to there being no discernible source, Cameron is the only one who can hear it.

-M

Cameron groaned as some weird ear-splitting ringing goes off in his ear for the maybe tenth time that day. Everywhere he went, it seemed to ring over and over again, beginning to cause him a migraine. It was hard enough trying to walk with crutches and just one leg, the alarm-like sound was making it worse. Furthermore, no one else seemed to be bothered by it, apparently because they couldn't hear it, only him. "Can my life get any worse..." he sighed to himself, very tired and done with everything.

[mochamicheong]

go and kys your blog looks like shit and your ocs are trash they are so bland that even a white mom' chicken tastes better i hope you get raped kill yourself

WHAT#*#&#&×&#&#;@<28 ?×?@@,#,

WOW OK ANON. If you hate my blog and my original characters SO much, you could have just blocked me, I don't care if I get blocked much! Plus, WHY WOULD YOU WISH RAPE ON SOMEONE WHAT.

[writingstoraes]

hey there!! i love your stories!! can i please have a social media au where it’s a redbull driver reader soft launching her relationship with charles? okay love u! thank u!

grid love 🏎

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!redbull!reader

type: instagram imagine, social media au

notes: sorry this took so long, anon! hope you like this hehehe 🤍 also lets pls pretend the faceclaim does drive for redbull, okay? okay. love u 2 anon (also this is purely ig posts hehe)

about: the last thing anyone expects is a redbull driver dating another from ferrari. a series of soft launches from you didn't help either!

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen, charles_leclerc, pierregasly, and 1,223,882 others

yourusername weekend shenanigans 🏁

redbullfan NOT HER CASUALLY SOFT LAUNCHING SOMEONE

ferrarigirl crying someone bagged the baddest bitch in f1

leclercluv That shadow looks an awful lot like Charles 😂😂😂😂

sainzzz55 reaching? we cant even see his face

leclercluv Charles was literally spotted at an Italian restaurant of the same setting today but okay 😂

maxverstappen Interesting

yourusername what's interesting about this? 🤨

maxverstappen Cause if I'm right, carlossainz55 and pierregasly owes me $50 🤣

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo, and 1,223,122 others

yourusername french and princess treatment kind of night 🥂

dr3sainz ANOTHER SOFT LAUNCH?????

f1thusiast cryinggg shes got everyone and their mamas speculating on who her mystery man is 😭

carlossainz55 Max is so gonna owe me $50

maxverstappen No???

hamilt0n literal millionaires betting on $50 i have seen it all

leclercluv French?? Yeah it's Charles lol

redbullracing ❤️🤍

sainz55lec WHAT DO U KNOWWW RBR ADMIN

redbullracing Not much, as long as our golden girl is happy ❤️🤍

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, yukitsunoda0511, maxverstappen, and 1,220,345 others

yourusername 16 times happier than i've ever been ❤️🤍

midnightleclercs not charles liking this 1 minute after it was posted ����

pierrestsunoda he got her notifs on thats why

leclercluv Game over ladies that's literally Charles' car 😭

lecssainz isn't his car a ferrari pista?

leclercluv He was seen driving it around Barcelona today, apparently it's a new one 🤷‍♀️

maxverstappen 🫣🫣🫣

gaslysfilm literally why use 16 when you can use another number 😭 the y/n-charles soft launch theory may really be real lol

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen, charles_leclerc, arthurleclerc, and 1,992,221 others

yourusername drove this baby around today

leclercluv CHARLES' PISTA 😭

lecshamilton this fr the hardest soft launch anyone has ever done in history im afraid

redbullfan Yeah this shit confirmed this is all we needed lmao

pierregasly maxverstappen 💸 Pay up

charles_leclerc

liked by redbullracing, scuderiaferrari, yourusername, and 2,103,334 others

charles_leclerc My rival on track is my heart keeper off track ❤️

tagged: yourusername

pierregasly This is about the cheesiest thing you have ever done

scuderiaferrari Feeling all the feels right now ❤️

redbullracing This serves as our truce, off track?

lewishamilton WOAH.

carlossainz55 I told you, maxverstappen! Pierre and I win 😄

yourusername what is this bet anyway

maxverstappen Which one of you will hard launch first, you really failed me, Y/N 😔

yourusername if i beat you in canada next week you have to buy me a lifetime supply of my favorite foods 😋

charles_leclerc Bring it on, bull

yourusername not a fan of the nickname, red

f1fan HOTTEST COUPLE EVERRRR

charlossainz this is the ferrari and redbull crossover i did NOT expect

-----------

tagging: @slytherheign

notes: didnt know im still capable of doing a post of just ig pictures lmaooaoa ive been so used to adding twitter posts and let me tell u it takes SO MUCH time 😭

anyway i hope u like this, anon! thank you for reading 🤍

[yourfavepookiebear]

This is my first time making a request so sorry if this makes no sense.

Self aware Twisted Wonderland with a player who randomly gets transported into their world. For Characters I was thinking about Azul, Malleus, Leona, and Riddle.

If this is too much you can ignore it.

A/n : This request has been sitting in my inbox for 2 months so I decided to finally answer it 😭 also sorry anon, for the extremely late reply 😅 for some reason I feel like I'm writing a fairytale for kids or sum lmao, also I wrote this while simultaneously doing my homework jsyk , it took me a lit to write this if you can tell, but can you tell I wrote this in 2 different days ?

Cw: Leona being lazy and a bit unhinged, bad writing, short asf, not proofread, Riddle kinning pomeranians and chihuahas, Malleus just being Malleus, ooc, inaccurate character depiction

It's the day after Yuu appeared in twisted wonderland, the second day of school. (It's been a long time since I last played or read twisted wonderland so bear with me) for plot purposes and diversity, each character will have slightly different plot, like time and place.

◇ Leona Kingscholar

It was just another irritating day for Leona, as he was sleeping in the botanical gardens, skipping class as usual. His tail swished left to right, as he tried to fall asleep. For some reason though, much to his annoyance, he couldn't fall asleep. Normally he had no problem dozing off, but today was different. He grits his teeth and glares at air particles, then he sits upright and stares at a random direction. Suddenly he hears footsteps, and the familiar voice of Ruggie approaching his location.

Leona rolls his eyes just as Ruggie emerges, not even sparing him a glance. Ruggie sighs and walks towards Leona

"Hey Leona, I got your sandwich"

Ruggie then hands him a sandwich and glances at him

"What's wrong ? You seem pretty down-in-the-dumps today. Not that you're usually a ray of sunshine, but still."

Leona just huffs and plucks some grass from the ground, then answers

"I can't sleep."

Ruggie blinks owlishly, then tilts his head to the side

"Woah, THE Leona Kingscholar, unable to sleep ? That's a new one.."

"Tsk, whatever."

Is all Leona says, as he rolls his eyes and lays down on the grass once again, closing his eyes. Ruggie takes the hint and walks away, going back to wherever he came from.

About an hour later, Leona wakes up to the sound of footsteps, yet this time they're not Ruggie's. In fact, they're not familiar at all..

Leona opens his eyes but stays still, a bit curious to know who this mysterious person is. On one side he doesn't give a shit, but on another side he's curious because, just what could a stranger be possibly doing at NRC ?

Suddenly someone jumps on top of him, effectively knocking the air out of his lungs. He jolts awake, bewildered and shocked.

"What the-"

His eyes widen as he recognizes the person who's crushing him with their weight..holy shit, what the hell is the player doing here ???

"Player ?"

He says, baffled, he genuinely doesn't know how to react. One minute he was peacefully sleeping, the other he wakes up to the player suddenly spawning on top of him ?? His thought process is cut off as his ears are flooded with high-pitched screaming and shrieking

"OH MY LORD, LEONA ????? AM I DREAMING ?? HES SO MUCH HOTTER IN PERSON OMFG"

He blinks, once, twice, thrice, his mouth open and his eyes wide, his ears twitching

"Player ?? What..."

(I'm gonna end it here becuz Im lazy asf and I have to go sleep soon, the rest is up to you and your imagination sorry pookies)

◇ Azul Ashengrotto

Azul is in the mostro lounge, he finishes making a deal with some random student, he bids them goodbye with that shady smile plastered on his face, and as soon as they leave he looks over to the clock. 7pm, it's still early yet it's already dark outside. He sighs and grabs his stuff, preparing to go back to his dorm room. Suddenly, he feels something brushing against his leg. He frowns and looks around, confused as to what it may be.

He hopes its not a prank from the twins, as he shrugs it off and continues what he was doing, until he feels it again.

He gets up from his office chair and looks under his desk, only to find...

What ? There's someone asleep under his desk ?? He pulls them out from under his desk, and immediately recognizes that face. It's the player !

He is absolutely baffled. How did the player randomly spawn under his office desk, asleep and in pajamas ?? This is very confusing..

◇ Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle was in his room, studying whatever the hell subjects they have in nrc.

He gets up to go drink a cup of natural mineral water with a 100% recycled bottle, then somehow trips on something.

He looks down and jumps 10 meters back, eyes blown wide as saucers and lets out the loudest and longest scream on earth, so loud that even I am put to shame.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Somehow though, for plot purposes, no one hears him. Tatatatata, he looks over at the thing that was on the floor and is shocked to see you, the player, asleep on his floor, snoring like, so hard every single one of the prehistoric cavemen (Leona included) would lower their heads in respect.

(Anyways skip I'm lazy)

◇ Malleus Draconia

As we all know, Malleus loves walking around at night, and that makes a lot of people think he's some insane psychopath who's gonna stalk them then impale them with his horns.

After his nightly walk he came back to Diasomnia dorm just to find, you, aka the player and the one he thinks of so religiously every single day. He takes a step towards you, which isn't a lot since he's at the start of a hallway and you're at the end but whatever.

And that was his first mistake. Lo and behold there were you, at the end of the dark ass hallway, staring at him like you just witnessed some middle aged guy take off his pants and wip out his d*ck, then smack you across the face with it, oh and as if it was so long Drake would be put to shame.

You screamed like a banshee and ran away as if you were being chased by Drake's pipe.

Then you yelled out louder than Leona's snoring "MAMA MIA WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY FUCK IS HAPPENING HERE" -Player's last words, may they rest in peace and remain forever remembered.

Jkjk you just ran into the wall and passed out. And Lilia was just watching the whole time and laughing his ass off. But you made Malleus sad tho :(

You woke up in Malleus's bedroom after having a nightmare about Drake's elevator.

[specialagentlokitty]

Present mic x student!reader - keep an eye on you

Hello there! I hope this message finds you well. I noticed that you had a request for a story involving Present Mic and a student reader. In this particular story, the reader is a werewolf and a foreign exchange student. They are struggling with living in the city and dorms, which is causing them to become increasingly angry, aggressive, and snippy with their classmates and some teachers. Their quirk remains a mystery to everyone. One day, as the reader is walking away from a situation or person, they accidentally bump into Aizawa, All Might, and Mic. In that moment, all three of them catch a glimpse of the reader's eyes, and the reader growls at them with their veins turning black, similar to the television show Wolfblood. - Anon💜

Slamming Bakugo into the lockers, you glared at him harshly.

“You want to go?!” He shouted.

“Guys cut it out!” Kirishima yelled.

He stepped between you, and you stepped back, taking a few heavy breaths, letting out a small ground as you looked at your hands.

“You can’t fight me!” Bakugo laughed.

You swung your hand back, hitting him in the face before you walked away, keeping your head down and hands balled tightly in your hands.

You didn’t want to give in, you didn’t want to get angry.

You took quick and small breaths to try and control your anger, but you could feel rising to the surface, itching to get out despite your attempts at fighting it.

Too busy staring at your hands, you didn’t notice the three teachers walking down the hallways until you walked into one of them, and you stumbled back a few steps.

“Woah kid! Are you good?!”

You snap your gaze up, bright yellow eyes meeting Present Mics.

“(Y/N)?” Aizawa asked.

You barged back the three of them, letting out a small growl, the black veins travelling up your face.

“Wait! What’s the matter?” All Might called.

“Get lost!” You snapped back.

You stormed down the stairs, kicking the main doors to the school open, and the moment you were outside you broke out into a sprint.

Your heart raced in your chest, and you could feel the change coming, despite how much you tried to hold it back it was getting harder and harder.

The three teachers had run after you, splitting up to try make finding you easier.

You had gone to one of the training grounds, I are of the little robot that was alerting the teachers to where you were.

You growled again, clenching your hands tightly as you tired to focus on your breathing, closing your eyes to block everything from the outside world out.

You focused on the sounds of what was around you, come birds, the wind, some things being blown by the wind.

You focused on them, until you could hear the sound of somebody shouting your name.

“Come on kid! This ain’t funny!” Mic shouted out.

He used his quirk to shout your name, and you winced, placing your hands over your ears.

“SHUT THE HELL UP!”

Mic snapped his head to where you shouted from and jogged over, slowly down to a walk when he saw you and he smiled a little bit.

“Yo, you got us all worried for a sec there.*

You let out a deep growl.

“Go away.” You warned

Mic shook his head, putting his hands in his pockets as he gave you a gentle smile.

“No can do, what’s going on? This ain’t like you.”

He looked at your yellow eyes, he wasn’t sure if he should ask about it or not, right now you seemed stressed and on edge and he wanted to try calm you a little.

“Go away!”

“I can’t do that, I’m sorry.”

You growled again, getting more irritated with him, and you snapped.

Your body quickly changed, now a brown wolf pacing back and forth in front of him, snarling and snapping your jaws.

Mic laughed softly, crouching down, resting his arms on his knees.

“Well that’s one cool quirk you got there (Y/N).”

You growled, slowly pacing, keeping your eyes solely fixated on you and he rose his hands.

“Now, I know you’re angry, but this ain’t the way to handle this.”

You growled again, crating a wider circle that you paced around him, keeping a close eye on him.

Your quirk wasn’t one that was usually considered dangerous, but since you couldn’t control it yet, it meant you mainly went into an animalistic state of mind.

Right now looking at your teacher, you were struggling ti distinguish between friend or foe.

Mic smiled at you, staying crouching down.

“You wanna run laps? Go ahead, still ain’t going anywhere kiddo, sorry to break it to ya but ya stuck with me for now”

You kept pacing back and forth, and Mic titled his head a little bit as he watched you carefully.

He looked up as the other teachers slowly came closer, and he held his hand out to tell them to stop, looking back.

Mic got up, taking a few steps backwards towards them so he could talk to them.

As he walked away, you seemed to relax a little bit, and you slowly started to wonder around, checking a few things out, though still a little unsure about the three teachers.

Hearing a noise, you put your head up, ears flicking a little bit as you listened, and you began to pad in that direction.

The three teachers saw something had caught your attention, and they began to follow you in concern.

You kept your light pace as you kept going across the training ground, paws hitting the grass softly, and you finally came to a stop at the stream, stopping for a small drink.

Aizawa, All Might and Mic all spread out, just keeping an eye on you.

You kept wondering the training grounds, and they took turns to follow you, the other two teachers trying to keep the curious students away from the grounds.

Aizawa would just walk alongside you, All Might was a bit more nervous and would trail behind you, offering you some food, Mic would do a mixture of both.

Evening was around, everyone had gone back to the dorms, and the three teachers were with you again as you laid under a tree, head on your paws watching them.

“Do you want a sandwich?” All Might asked.

He held it out and you lifted your head a little, ears perking up which made him smile as he leant forward, giving it to you.

You took it, slowly eating it.

“Are we really going to leave the kid like this?” Mic asked.

“I can’t erase the quirk because I don’t know what it would do. I don’t know if it would hurt, if it’s safe. Right now they seem calm, so we’ll play it out and wait.”

Mic frowned a little but nodded his head, looking back to you in concern.

You’d been like this for hours now, no sign of changing back any time soon, so with a sigh he went back to watching you.

You had long since calmed down, but you didn’t didn’t feel like talking to them, so you hoped maybe they would’ve left.

So, you kept hoping for a little while longer.

Eventually All Might left, and Aizawa left as well, leaving it just you and Mic.

You were hoping for him to leave as well, so you curled in on yourself, decided to take a little nap.

Your little nap turned into you full on sleeping, and you had shifted back in your sleep which made Mic laugh when he saw.

He quietly walked over, covering you up with his jacket and he picked you up to take you back to the dorms.

He wasn’t going to wake you up so he could talk to you, he was just happy to see you were awake, so he took you back to 1-A dorms, putting you on the couch.

“Finally turned back?” Aizawa asked.

Mic nodded, walking over to him.

“Yeah, they seem tired though, must’ve taken a lot out of the kid to hold it for that long*

Aizawa glanced to you.

“Keep an eye on them, when they’re awake we need to talk about their quirk.”

Mic nodded, sitting on the other couch, doing some his paperwork while he kept an eye on you.

You weren’t usually an angry person, or aggressive, so your behaviour earlier in the day worried you, and he wanted to make sure you were alright

[reidreaders]

An Invasion of Privacy

Poorly Kept Secrets: Part 2

Summary: Part 2 to a fic I published a couple days ago where all the BAU members find out about you and Spencer :)

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: established relationship, sort of secret relationship, use of y/n, some strong language, not proof read, I think that's it lmk if I missed anything!

A/N: I had a couple anon requests for this, so thank you guys SO MUCH for giving me an excuse to write this lol lmk if you want more!!

Part 1!

Spencer had made sure to get to work early the next morning. He wanted to get to Hotch before he had the chance to tell the rest of the team about what had happened the night before. It’s not that he didn’t want anyone to know about you, it’s just that it was new and he wasn’t sure how things would play out between the two of you. More than that though, he really didn’t want to be made fun of for the rest of his life because he answered the door for Hotch half naked and with a seemingly random girl in his apartment. 

Once Hotch had agreed to keep his secret, Spencer made his way back to his desk and started on the mountain of paperwork he had to complete. The BAU had been tackling case after case, leaving practically no time for the team to do the other work that their jobs required. Thankfully, they had no cases on the docket, leaving Spencer plenty of time to play catch up.

Although Spencer was grateful to have time to catch up on paperwork, he was starting to get extremely antsy sitting at his desk for hours. Since they had been in the field for several weeks straight, he wasn’t used to sitting at his desk for hours at a time. By the time lunch rolled around, Spencer just had to get out of that office. Thankfully for him, your lunch breaks fell around the same time, so about an hour before lunch, he stepped outside the glass doors to call and see if you wanted to meet him on your break. 

The rest of the team didn’t seem to notice when Spencer stepped out to make that mysterious phone call, but Derek Morgan sure did. Now, Derek was no stranger to the ladies, and he knew Spencer well enough to know that the secret he was keeping was a woman. He could tell by the way Spencer grinned when you picked up the phone, and by the way that he blushed as he talked to you. He knew the kid was a goner by the way he beamed when you agreed to spend your lunch break with him. To be honest, Derek was a little offended that Spencer hadn’t told him about his little love affair, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him from finding out who the girl who had won Spencer Reid’s heart was. 

As soon as Spencer left to meet up with you, Derek raced to find Penelope. If he was going to find out who you were, he was going to need the help of the best stalker in the business. 

“Babygirl! How’d you like to spend your break solving the most interesting case this place has ever seen?” Derek said as he busted into Penelope’s lair.

“Oh my statuesque god of chocolate thunder, there is nothing else I’d rather be doing.” Penelope cooed back. “Now whatcha need for me?”

“Well, I need you to track a phone call Reid made earlier…” Morgan said it slowly, like he was guilty and he knew Penelope wouldn’t be on board, at first at least.

“Woah, you know I would do anything for you Derek Morgan, but if you want me to go full creep on our boy wonder you’re going to have to at least tell me why.” She spat out. 

“I think our pretty boy might have met a pretty girl-” Derek didn’t even get to finish his sentence before Penelope started talking again.

“On it!” She said excitedly, “Did he make the call from his work phone or his personal cell?” 

“This is why I love you, Babygirl! He made the call from his cell.” Derek was practically giggling with excitement now.

He watched as Penelope typed furiously, and within seconds she had pulled the phone number, followed by your name and your drivers license photo. 

“Ohhhh, the pretty girl is reallyyyy pretty!” Penelope squealed.

“Yeah she is. Like almost too pretty to be with Reid.” Derek chuckled. He didn’t get to laugh very much though, because he was interrupted by Penelope smacking him on the shoulder. 

“Derek Morgan, I swear to God if you make fun of him I will make your life a living hell and I mean it! You know I love you, but I will tank your credit score if you make that poor boy sad.” She spoke quickly, so quickly that it took Derek a couple of seconds to catch up.

“Alright,” He defended, “I won’t make fun of him! But I am going to let him know that we’re pissed he didn’t tell us.”

“Fair enough.” Penelope shrugged.

The two spent the rest of their break stalking your instagram. They looked at photos of you on vacation, some pictures of you at various concerts, they even went as far back to the ones you had posted in college. By the time they had to return to work, they knew practically everything about you, thanks to Penelope’s expert ability in digging up dirt. 

When Spencer returned to the office, he barely got to his desk before Penelope was skipping up to him and beckoning him into her lair. 

“What do you need, Garcia?” Spencer asked sweetly, totally unsuspecting of the bombshell that was about to be dropped on him. 

“I just-um-I was working on this crossword and I’m almost done. I just can’t figure out the last clue and I could really use your help.” She stuttered out.

“Oh okay yeah I can help you.” Spencer agreed as he followed her back to her office. 

When Spencer entered Penelope’s lair, he was immediately intimidated by the sight of Derek perched up on her desk. He knew something was coming, he just wasn’t sure what. 

“You have some explaining to do, pretty boy.” Derek wore a shit eating grin as he said it.

“Uh-uh I don’t- I don’t know what you mean.” Spencer sputtered out, completely unconvincingly. 

“About Y/N!” Penelope giggled as she turned the computer monitor on to reveal your photo.

“How-how did you guys even-” Spencer was cut off by Derek’s explanation. 

“I saw you take that call earlier. It’s pretty obvious that you’ve got a pretty big crush on Y/N here.” Derek chuckled. 

“That still doesn’t explain how you found out who she is!” Spencer shot back, getting upset that his secret had been blown, yet again.

“I may have traced your calls,” Penelope said shyly, “But just a little bit!” 

“You traced my calls?!” Spencer didn’t even know what to say. Sure, he was upset that his friends had invaded his privacy, but he also knew that they meant no harm. 

“If it’s any consolation, we’re really sorry and we may have gotten a little overexcited about the prospect of you having a girlfriend, and getting married, and having lots of little BAU babies.” Penelope rambled.

Spencer chuckled, “Well, I don’t know if any of that will be happening anytime soon.”

“But she is your girlfriend?” Derek questioned.

“Uh yeah, yeah I guess she is.” Spencer blushed.

Derek opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it when he caught a warning look from Penelope. 

“We are very happy for you, boy wonder!” Penelope clapped and giggled, as she pulled Spencer into a hug.

“Yeah I’m happy for you man!” Derek said as he pulled Spencer into another hug, “When do we get to meet her?”

“Not for a little while,” Spencer answered honestly, “We haven’t been dating for that long and I’m not sure I’m ready to share her with the world quite yet.” 

“So you’re just going to keep her all to yourself?” Penelope looked devastated. 

“Yeah,” Spencer blushed, “I think I am.”

I hope you guys liked it! Lmk if you want another part!

MASTERLIST

[darkeralmond]

Do you write smut for conrad fisher? If you do can you do a jealous conrad x reader? thank you!!

i do now! thank you so much for requesting ILY anon ❤️❤️

WANNA BE YOURS

Conrad Fisher x fem! Reader

summary: You and Conrad were at a party for Belly’s birthday hosted by Nicole. You were stranded by Conrad and notice a guy alone on the couch. You decide to be friendly and talk to him before dancing with him. Conrad and you get into an argument over this until you say the thing he’s been waiting to hear.

warnings: 18+, smut, angry Connie, car sex, penetration, she/her pronouns, arguing, vulgar language, Conrad calling you “good girl”, dirty talk

word count: 1.9k

a/n: connie is a popular guy in my request board 😭, not complaining tho i love him!! thank you again for the request!! P.S. I LOVE ARTIC MONKEYS AND PAXTON H-Y!!!

masterlist | request info

The music was loud in your ears as you entered the crowded living room. Conrad had left you alone to go find out where Steven was, but all the people in one space triggered your claustrophobia.

You looked over and saw a guy sitting by himself on the couch with a look of defeat on his face. There were people dancing all around him while he chugged whatever substance he had in his red solo cup. Usually, you don’t feel sympathy for strangers, but something about this guy made your heart wrench.

You approached him. “You alright?” Sure, it’s weird when a stranger asks others how they’re feeling, but some people need to vent to someone they don’t know.

He looked up at you with red eyes, you couldn’t tell if he was high or if he had been crying. He sniffled, “Yeah, uh, I caught my girl cheating on me with my homeboy upstairs.”

Shit. “Oh,” you replied.

You sat down next to him while he explained, “It’s chill. She was a bitch anyway.” He brought his cart up to his lips and took a hit. He was high. “You wanna hit?” He offered it to you.

You shook your head, “I’m straight edge.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “The fuck is straight edge?”

You laughed at his reaction. It was the same one every person had when you told them the same answer. “That means I chose to stay sober.” Your thought process was by staying sober, it helped you avoid all the drama that starts when you’re black out drunk. Drunk confessions, drunk fighting, the list goes on. “It just helps me stay out of trouble.”

He exhaled smoke from his lips and nose. “Ohhhh,” he laughed. “Respect.”

“Yeah,” you giggled. You then looked out at everyone dancing and having a good time. “Why don’t we dance?”

He smiled, “Sure.” The two of you got up from the couch and went to the middle of the living room. The Motto by Drake and Lil Wayne played over the speaker, the bass shaking the whole house. Due to all the people crammed in one room, you and the mystery guy danced fairly close to each other. “Hey, what’s your name?” he yelled over the music.

“Y/N!” you shouted back. “What’s yours?”

“Noah!” Noah yelled. You nodded your head while smiling. The two of you danced while screaming the lyrics to the song. “You’re really cool, Y/N! I think we’d make great friends!”

“What do you mean? You’re stuck with me now!” You and him laughed. That’s when you spotted someone familiar pushing through the crowd. It was your boyfriend finally coming back from his search. “Conrad, hey!” You waved. “Did you find Steven?”

He completely ignored your question, his eyes set on the guy who you were dancing with. “Get away from my girl.” He stepped in front of you.

“Woah, man. We weren’t doing anything.” Noah held up his hands defensively.

“Conrad, stop!” you laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s fine! We’re just chilling.”

He scoffed in response, “I recommend staying away from Y/N. We’re going home.”

“Conrad-”

“We’re going home.” He cut in.

He sounded pissed, it made your guy twist as you looked back at Noah. “Sorry about him,” you said with a frown on your face.

“Don’t stress about it, maybe I’ll see you around.” He waved bye as you got dragged out of the house by Conrad.

“What the fuck is your problem?” you yelled as the two of you left the house. “Am I not allowed to make friends now? Why don’t you ever trust me?”

He rolled his eyes, “I trust you! I just don’t trust that guy!”

You yelled, “You don’t even know him!”

“Neither do you! You don’t know what his intentions were, Y/N!” His eyes were wide with anger as he looked into yours, the veins in his neck strained. “Get in the car.” The car beeped as he unlocked the doors.

You didn’t want to cause a scene in front of everyone, so you just did as he said and got in the passenger’s seat. You folded your arms over your chest and stared out the window. He got in the driver’s seat next to you and started the car before putting it into drive mode. “Just so you know, his girlfriend cheated on him and he was by himself,” you mumbled while pouting.

“Y/N,” he said. This gave you a glimpse of hope that he’d finally listen to you, but he then followed it up by, “I don’t fucking care.”

You rolled your eyes and frowned, shaking your head. “You’re a fucking child.” He didn’t say anything, he just kept driving.

The radio quietly played music, the air was tense as you refused to look at him. He stopped the car at a red light. “Y/N, I’m sorry,” he finally spoke up. “I get really insecure, babe, and I just want everyone to know that you’re mine.”

You looked over at him, your expression softened as you said, “Connie, I’m yours.” You placed your hand over his that draped over the shift stick.

He glanced over at you and saw your innocent expression. You knew something instantly changed in him as you noticed his demeanor swiftly change. “Say that again,” he breathed.

Now it clicked. It turned him on to know that you and your body was for him and him only. You batted your lashes and smiled deviously. “I’m all yours, Connie,” you teased.

He stared at you longer, his breath slightly hitched. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. When the light turned green, he took a turn that was the opposite way of both your guys’ homes.

“Conrad?” you said, concern present in your voice. “What are you doing?”

“I’m pulling the car over so we can fuck.” Butterflies swarmed in your stomach due to the assertiveness in his voice. He pulled the car over close to the beach where there were no lights except for the car’s headlights. “You fine with that?”

You nodded your head, “Y-Yeah.” You unbuckle your seatbelt and look up at him. Conrad’s hand reached up to the side of your neck and connected his lips with yours.

He was hungry for your kiss touch. He was desperate for his hands to be all over your delicate body. He pushed into you, his tongue slowly licking the seam of your mouth, which led to a more forceful kiss. He gripped the collar of your shirt, pulling you closer.

You broke away and smirked. The anger from the argument earlier melted into lust. He slightly leaned the seat back as you climbed over the center console. You rested on his lap, your legs straddling him. He moaned as you kissed along his jaw line, then his chin before leaning down to his neck and sucking on it.

His fingers dug into your hips and pulled you closer, making sure you could feel his hardening erection against your lower body. “My… job is to make you… mhm… feel good,” he said between moans.

You pulled away, “What? I’m not allowed to be in control?” This won a chuckle out of him. “I’m kidding, go ahead. I already said I’m yours.”

He ran his fingers through your hair while biting his bottom lip. “That’s my good girl,” he husked before locking his lips to your neck.

Your back arched off his lap as he sucked harshly on your pulse point, your breathing became heavy and erratic.

Your hands found their way onto his hair as he continued working his way down your neck. You couldn’t tell who was taking control anymore; the two of you were too busy focusing completely on each other. Your body began reacting.

One of his hands came up to your hip, gripping tightly as another hand traveled to your breast. Both of his hands were touching the fabric of your shirt and caressing the skin underneath. A gasp escaped your lips as your hand found its way to his crotch. Your fingers brushed against his sensitive member, eliciting a moan out of him.

‘You like that, huh?’ you thought to yourself.

He suddenly let go of your breasts and grabbed your face gently with his hands, pulling your lips forcefully to his own. He kissed fiercely, his tongue slipping inside your mouth. He bit your lip causing you to moan, his hands moving from your face down to your ass. He started grinding against you roughly, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your entire body.

A loud moan fell from your lips as you bit your bottom lip. “Connie, just fuck me already,” you pleaded. “Stop edging!”

He chuckled, “You’re still on the pill, right?” You nodded your head eagerly. “Good.” He reached down to his pants which caused you to back up slightly. He unzipped the zipper and pulled down his boxers slightly to reveal his erection. You got up on your knees so you could pull your panties, that were soaked, off. He helped lift your skirt up and slip your panties down your thighs. Once they were off, he threw them to the car floor on the passenger’s side.

Slowly, he inserted himself in you. A gasp escaped out from you while Conrad groaned from the feeling of your warm walls. His thrusting was slow at a steady pace, you felt yourself getting wetter and wetter by the second. He placed one hand on your thigh as his free hand gripped your ass. Your breathing grew shallow as the pressure building in your body increased.

“Oh god,” you whimpered.  “Please! Connie, I need you so bad!”

He continued to work his way into you until he slammed his pelvis against yours causing him to let out a loud grunt. He rasped, “You take me so well.”

As you continued to grind against him, he let out an animalistic growl. “God, Y/N, please,” he panted. You continued to grind against him, he was close, you knew it. You bit your lip, trying to suppress the sounds that were begging to fall from your throat.

His grip on your leg tightened, causing you to cry out as a wave of pleasure that rocked through your whole body. “Connie,” you whined. “Cum for me, baby, cum inside me!”

He pounded faster and harder. You felt your walls tighten around him, squeezing his erection. As he came, you let out the loudest scream anyone has ever heard from you. You clamped your eyes shut and squeezed your thighs around his waist even harder to keep him in you.

After a few seconds you managed to open your eyes. You looked down at him and could see his face twisted in ecstasy, sweat drenched over his forehead. You felt something hot pool in the pit of your stomach. You leaned down to kiss him again before getting off him. You reached for your panties and slid them back on. “You feel better now?”

He nodded his head as he caught his breath. Both your faces were flushed red from the heat of the orgasm. After recovering from his orgasm, he smiled softly. He grabbed your hand and brought you closer to him once more, placing his lips on yours. “We should head back. It’s almost midnight. And I wanna have some fun with you somewhere more comfortable”

You giggled and kissed his cheek.

[wordsbyrian]

Not So Secret Girlfriend - Ona Batlle x Reader

Summary: Another Polyglot fic. In which everyone is suddenly very concerned with R's love life.

A/N: This was requested by someone months ago (I forgot to write down who it was because it wasn't an anon) and I finally got around to writing it. The ending isn't exactly what I wanted but alas.

The international break is something that you have conflicted feelings about.

On one hand, you get to see and play alongside your national teammates and represent your country at the highest level.

And on the other hand, you have to make two 9+ hour flights in two weeks and jet lag can be a real bitch.

At the beginning of your time with the national team, it was especially bad because not only were you jet lagged but you were also really nervous which affected the amount of sleep you were getting.

Now, more than three years since your first camp, you’ve got your place pretty locked in (even if you don’t start every game)  and some of your friends from the youth teams are here too.

You had previously thought it would be fun. Yet, you find yourself rethinking that considering you’re currently being harassed by Ashley Sanchez and Sophia Smith before you’ve even finished your coffee.

The source of the teasing is your phone which has chimed with a new text every 45 seconds since you’ve placed it on the table.

“Sophia, can you believe that Y/N/N just abandoned us to go play in Spain and now she’s too cool to even talk to us at breakfast,” Ashley asks in a tone that you are more than familiar with, it’s overly dramatic and you smile a little hearing it.

 “It’s crazy,” Sophia agrees. “Our little nerd is all grown up. Seems like just yesterday we were in France trying to get her to show off her language skills for the locals.”

“They grow up so fast,” Jaelin pretends to weep as she joins the three of you at the table.

Sighing deeply, you shake your head at them and reach for your phone only to end up glaring at Ashley when she snatches it away.

“Sanchez,” you say warningly, “It’s too early for this.”

“It’s too early for your phone to be blowing up like you’re the plug,” she responds before looking over her shoulder. “Naomi,” she shouts, “hurry up, we’re going through Y/N’s phone.”

“No, we’re not,” you say.

“Yea, we are,” Sophia and Jaelin say in perfect unison.

Sighing once more, you sit back and let it happen, focusing back on your breakfast.

It’s hard though because you’re practically forced to listen to their running commentary on the contents of your phone.

“All of her texts are in Spanish.”

“Makes sense, they’re all to her Barcelona teammates.”

“Nah, she texted us and Press too, those are in English.”

“And this one is from ‘Red Heart Emoji’ aka long-term secret girlfriend, but that’s in Spanish too.”

“It can’t be a secret if you four know about her,” you say not looking up.

“And yet, we know nothing about her except that she has brown hair and for some odd reason is attracted to you,” Naomi says, “Super cute, secret contact photo though.”

“Woah,” you say, slightly offended when the others chuckle. “I’m a fucking catch.”

“I’m sure mystery girlfriend thinks that,” Sophia starts, “But we’ve known you since you were 13 so we know better.”

“I should’ve found better friends when I had a chance.”

“You’d never get rid of us Y/N/N,” Jae says, “Here’s your phone back.”

Just as you reach for it another hand reaches out and grabs it.

You follow the hand until you see the face of the person it belongs to, and you can only shake your head when you see Kelley.

“Sup Baby Genius,” she says, “What’s this I’m hearing about a secret girlfriend?”

Standing up, you roll your eyes before taking your phone back from the veteran player and walking away.

“We’re not having this conversation,” you say, “See you at practice.”

“We will eventually Y/N,” Kelley shouts after you.

“No we won’t you,” you respond, making your way out of the room.

By the time practice comes around that afternoon, your love life has become a popular topic of conversation.

And much to your chagrin, it doesn’t seem like the other women plan on letting up anytime soon, every free moment sees you peppered with questions.

Luckily, or unluckily rather, your friends are more than willing to answer any that they can.

Their answers aren’t very satisfying considering they don’t actually know that much but it does get the others off your back for a bit.

The one question you do answer yourself though is because you’re slightly offended when you hear it.

“Do Christen and Tobin know,” someone asks.

And it hurts your feelings. The idea that you wouldn’t tell something this important to the two women who have become almost like surrogate parents to you.

“Of course they do,” you respond, “And before anyone asks, Mal does too, why do you think she isn’t asking questions?”

After that, the team mostly gives up on trying to get you to tell them who your girlfriend is.

Even Kelley leaves it alone although she does still make a show of moaning and groaning whenever she sees Sanchez and Sophia, upset once again that they didn’t tell her something.

But even that is nothing more than her usual playful whining which is great because it means that you can go back to focusing on how you're supposed to play against your girlfriend and club teammates at the end of the week.

You’ve played against them once before but that was years ago and you were only on the field for maybe three minutes.

Now though, you’re more experienced and Vlatko has already all but told you to expect to play the full 90.

This is why you’re not surprised when he asks you to share what you know about the Spaniards in the final meeting on MD-1.

“Well,” you say, looking at how the coaches think your opposition will lineup, “The most important thing is that they play a pretty positionless style, so don’t be surprised if you’re not marking who the lineup says you will be, hell, don’t be surprised if Mapi pops up as the CAM. And I know you think that stopping Alexia is paramount but Patri and Aitana can dribble around or through you with just as much skill if not more.”

“Thank you, Y/L/N is there anything else you care to tell us,” Coach asks.

“Athenea is fucking annoying,” you say plainly, much to the amusement of your teammates.

Vlatko, on the other hand, just rolls his eyes and continues with the meeting.

When it’s done and you’ve been released, you do your best to leave the room quickly but without drawing any attention to yourself.

It doesn’t work though because you’re stopped by the head trainer Mary.

“How are you feeling,” she asks.

“Good.”

“Jetlag gone? Sleeping well?”

“Yup, I’m ready to go,” you tell her, bouncing on your toes.

“Alright,” she says with a smile, “I’m done bothering you, go call your girlfriend.”

That stops you in your tracks and leaves you staring at the trainer with your mouth open and eyes wide.

“How did you know that,” you manage to stutter out.

“Well, one, this team can’t speak softly to save its life, and two,” she says, “I was 21 once too. Now go on.”

Shooting the trainer, you smile and rush off.

The next day, your pre-match routine goes off without a hitch. Morning meditation, headphones, and a vow of silence, sees you in the best possible headspace for the match.

You’ve done everything you possibly could to prepare for this but still, as you stand in the tunnel across from your club teammates, you can���t help but to feel slightly off.

It doesn’t matter though because before you know it, you’re in your spot on the field and the first whistle is blown.

You don’t touch the ball much in the first 15 minutes but in the 16th a quickly played pass from Sully sees you breaking down the wing with the ball at your feet.

It’s easy enough to get going at what is nearly full speed for you, your opponents not having expected you to take off rather than completing the give-and-go with Andy.

One of the people you get past is Athenea and you can’t help but toss an ‘adios’ over your shoulder on your way.

It’s a great run if you do say so yourself, but as you go to make the final cross into the box, you find it blocked by someone you are very familiar with.

You let out a curse as you trudge to take your place for the resulting corner but you can’t help but smile slightly as you see your girlfriend smirking at you.

No goal comes from the corner and the game continues.

Your next major involvement doesn’t come until the 25th minute and it’s because Patri tries to send a long ball over the top to get Athenea in behind. You manage to get the first touch to it, bringing it down softly. You even get a pass off sending it up to Sully but less than a second later, you’re laying on the pitch clutching your foot as the result of a late challenge from Athenea

It hurts really fucking bad but what it does more than that anything is piss you off. So you just get up and shake your head at her,

You know what face you’re making and your teammates on both sides of the ball know what it means: Athenea is going to be in for a long day.

For the rest of the half, you do your best to make her life a living hell, putting a little more force into your tackles and being slightly more annoying with your trash talk. And the ref, well she either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care because you manage to keep it clean even if you are toeing the line.

 Vlatko definitely notices though and at halftime, you get a very stern talking to about your aggression and making slightly better choices since some of your tackles put the ball right at Spanish feet.

You only sort of listen to him.

Your battle against Athenea continues into the second half but it’s not the only thing you have to deal with.

Part of Vlatko’s halftime talk included him wanting you to get forward more, putting the team in a 3-4-3 while attacking but keeping your standard 4-3-3 when you get back on defense.

This meant that you were doing a lot more running and that you had a lot more encounters with Spain’s right back, Batlle, in your attacking half.

It’s a lot of back and forth, especially with the game remaining scoreless. And the two of you can’t help but trade a few verbal barbs as well.

She tries and fails to body block you off the ball and you make a quip about how that might work against the WSL players but not you.

You over-hit a cross and she asks which of your veteran teammates taught you that.

In the 69th minute, when both teams go to make substitutions, you mouth the words ‘game over’ to her when you see that Sophia is coming on. She just shakes her head and points back to the sideline where you see Pina and Lucia Garcia standing by the 4th official.

Those subs do mean the end of your battle against Athenea but you don’t actually care about that since you’ll have plenty of time to annoy her during the next Clasico match.

The subs do have the desired effect though because, in the 79th minute, you manage to send in a through ball that finds Sophia’s feet before it hits the back of the net.

Unfortunately, the lead doesn’t last long because, in the 84th minute, Batlle gets an assist of her own by cutting the ball back to Aitana who rockets it past Naeher.

And the game ends that way, a 1-1 draw.

Immediately after the final whistle, you find yourself shaking hands and being pulled into hugs by your Barcelona teammates. 

There are a couple of jokes cracked and Mapi repeatedly asks what you kept saying to Athenea to piss her off but you refuse to tell her. Both Pina and Patri ask for your jersey but you tell them it’s already been promised to someone else. They ask who and you don’t tell them.

20 minutes later, you’re leaning against a wall somewhere in the depths of the stadium holding said jersey in your hand and waiting for someone.

You don’t wait for long, no more than five minutes before someone launches into you like a heat-seeking missile.

“Long time no see, Onita,” you greet, looking down at your girlfriend who has already buried her face in your shoulder.

Her response is grumbled into your shoulder and since you can’t really understand it so you just chuckle softly and hold her tighter.

The two of you stand there for a while holding each other and engaging in soft conversation. Nothing important is said, it’s just the two of you enjoying a quiet moment.

It lasts a while but not nearly long enough because suddenly there are voices coming towards you from both sides of the hallway.

From the left, a loud American you instantly recognize as Sanchez is trying to convince someone to make a bet with her about what you're doing. And from the right, another group, you vaguely recognize one voice as Leila, shouting in a mixture of Catalan and Spanish. That group is too hectic for you to make out what’s being said.

“Time’s up,” she whispers to you, trying to take a step back but failing when you don’t let her go.

“It’s fine,” you tell her, “Although Leila might give you the kicked-puppy look for a couple of weeks.”

A few seconds later, both groups stand in front of you with various looks of shock on their faces.

From the US, it’s exactly who you thought it would be, Sanchez, Sophia, and Mal, who barely waits half a second before pulling out her phone and texting who you assume to be Christen and Tobin. The Spanish search party consists of Leila (obviously), Pina, and Patri, who bursts out laughing like this is the funniest thing she’s ever seen.

A moment passes…

And then an explosion of noise as they all begin to speak at once, the languages mixing and overlapping in a way that’s impossible to follow.

Taking a deep breath, you separate yourself from Ona, giving her a quick kiss and passing her your jersey. Once no longer intertwined, you take a step forward, hold a finger up to your lips, and wait for the group to quiet down before speaking.

“I will be taking no further questions. Thank you,” you say once they do, immediately turning on your heel and walking away.

There’s another explosion of noise as everyone protests that and just underneath it, you can hear Ona laugh before she calls your name which makes you stop and turn back to her.

“Y/N/N, aquí, toma esto,” she says, tossing you her Spain jersey.

Catching it, you smile at her before turning back around and continuing to walk away.

You get maybe 15 steps away before you hear what sounds like a herd of bulls coming up behind you as your teammates catch up.

“Kelley is going to be so mad that we know who your secret girlfriend is and she doesn’t,” Sophia says, falling into step with you.

“It’s going to be great,” Sanchez grins.

“Just do me a favor and wait until I’m back in Spain to tell her that you know,” you respond, “I can’t deal with that backlash in person.”

“What do I get in return?”

You take a moment to think about it before answering, “A favor in return, no questions asked.”

“Deal.”

“Y/N,” Mal shakes her head at you, “You just made a deal with the devil.”

“Too late now.”

[megalommi]

Woah thanks anon for linking the 16k Baggs smut fic on Wattpad, I don't go there so anything there is a mystery to me.

I'll read before I post the ask with the link, tomorrow, it's beddy byes time.

[rogdona]

is is I... the mystical anon of good payback that 100% is not joofie... deposit an oc and receive a doodle from a surprise someone that I swear is not confirmed to be joofie...

-anonymously, the mystical anon of good payback (not joofie)

WOAH WHO COULD THIS MYSTERIOUS MYSTICAL ANON BE?? i shall deposit an oc for u, stranger, but i cant promise balance will b reached bc i might draw again!!! MWAHAHAHA

have my silly wizard guy!!

[lovelyrotter]

I read your thing about stridercest. I didn’t super like the ship (I’m more of a lalondecest girlie) but I respect the hell out of the textual analysis you did. Anyway do you have any good fic recommendations? I want to see what you see in it.

oh fuck yeah i love sharing ship stuff especially with ppl who dont usually go here and vice versa for me. its like hell yeah im digging in sand and its fun i love my sand and then i turn around and woah i had no idea there was even MORE sand just behind me ya dig? that might not have made any sense hahaha. its the joy of trading pokemon cards except with ships

but okay heres some of my current faves. bear in mind i read mostly M and E rated stuff but ive got a sprinklin of lower ratings in here too. im also gonna categorize this list by stridercest flavour. theres a lot so this turned out like ridiculously long

anyone else goin through this feel free to link yalls faves in the replies too cause im ravenous. especially if its haldirk. im constantly craving haldirk

guardiancest

doku line terminus & two steps away from the county line by lildogie these first cause theyre my ultra faves rn and i cant get enough of this au. set in the same universe but county line is the prequel. a/b/o verse with lotsa interesting political stuff and also interpersonal dynamics. dave & dirk are there too and are real cute. its also got mysterious time travelling. i really cant sell these two enough like i am not doin these justice

davedirk / dirkdave

if i woke up next to you by bumbly | G, ~2,700 words, complete. SUPER sweet relationship study, made me fuckin melt. this author has really good stuff for other ships too but mind the archive warnings

dont joke about hentai face broctopus transplants im eating cheese n onion pringles here by smrtnik | M, ~1k words, complete. this one made me fuckin melt its so tender. it truly feels like were peeking into their life together. also great title

Stasis State by Caeslin | T, ~3k words, complete. another really intimate feeling one. its so fuckin sweet. mind the tags for typical dirk suicide attempt but its not on screen its moreso the recovery and how dave is affected by it

“stupid fucking bullshit” ad nauseam by anon | T, 13.7k words, complete. REALLY GOOD AU. trans striders, fade to black sex scene. the boys are cute and you can feel how much theyre drawn to each other immediately. wish there was more of this

sometimes the bad guy wins by nutrimercenary | E, ~7.5k words, ongoing. wow. oh wow. ive been looking for a davedirk fic like this for a long time. PLEASE read the warnings and tags but its so fuckin good. a crossdimentional narrative tug-o-war between dave and ult dirk i fuckin love it

got it goin on by bumbly | E, 7.5k words, complete. dirk indulges daves mommy kink after prying it outta him. its cute and funny and sexy it made me smile. their dynamic is sooo sweet

helping hands by ghostlyAnarchist | E, 5.1k words, complete. THIS IS SO GOOD. its got trans man dave and is genuinely one of the hottest transmasc fics ive read so far and boy howdy ive read a lot. slight warning for dysphoria discussion but its not too bad its all just hot af a dick-sucking venn diagram by Elendraug | E, 10k words, complete. first off domestic af. very established relationship and you can tell. its so fuckin sweet. i looove this one. its like the best kind of silly realistic smut its one of my faves of all time

STILL WITH ME by egbert | E, 8k words, complete. dave and dirk strife and then fuck in the bathroom. holy shit this is hot. their want is like tangible in this one

brodave and a!brodirk

hardware by orphan_account | E, ~8k words, complete. dave gets some dick piercings and bro goes insane about them. hot as hell and also features bottom bro which is my fave. its got a couple uses of the r-slur but its also from 2011 so i take it w/ a grain of salt. 2011 and earlier fics are like internet artifacts (/pos)

but you better never pull it by hapaxlegomena | E, 5k words, complete. wow. WOW. sub top bro and dom bottom dave need i say more. this sub bro activates my cute aggression the power play is great mars & murrie's by orphan_account | E, 6.8k words, complete. a!brodirk, omorashi. super hot!!!! alpha dave is sooo embarrassed about his piss kink but dirk wins in the end hahaha. really intriguing which i know sounds funny on an omo fic but read it and youll know. i love this alpha dave

temporal sunset by Plajus | M, 19.5k over 5 chapters, complete. a!brodirk. holy shit what a ride. this one held me hostage and now lives in my brain rent free (bdum tiss sorry). dirk is terminally ill so i know it wont be for everyone but give it a try and goddamn you wont be disappointed. trust me

a swinging pendulum by ghostlyAnarchist | T, ~900 words, complete. a!brodirk time/dream bubble encounter. wow just wow. the want. the yearning immaterial by LPSunnyBunny | E, 1k words, complete. a!brodirk, trans dirk. holy shit!!!!!! holy shit!!!!! hot hot hot!!!!!!! shower sex sensation control!!!!

haldirk

singular by 2x2verse | E, 6.8k words, complete. hal has an existential crisis dirk catches him and then they fuck tenderly about it. genuinely so romantic. im addicted to this kind of haldirk. honestly i just recommend the entire series diagnostics by 2x2verse | E, 2.9k words, complete. i know i just linked this authors whole collection of haldirk fics but holy crap this one in particular. dom/sub electrostim with sensory deprivation, hal is the dom. i LOVE how hes written here. very attentive domming, great details

A Fatal Error Has Occurred by Mortior | E, 42k words, 4/5 chapters. oh mortior my haldirk regent. really fuckin good character writing in an au where hal has an android body before the alpha session is started. read the tags for warnings. the tension between them is insane endangered by Mortior | E, 100k+ words, complete multichapter. holy fuck where to begin with this one. this is a haldirk sensation. post apocalyptic au where androids won the human-robot war. dirk runs into AR. AR takes an interest in him. dirk takes even more of an interest in AR. if youre gonna read any haldirk read this one

"im basically fucking him" series by Elendraug | T & E, all complete. so!!!!! fucking!!!!! tender!!!!! really cute haldirk progressing through their relationship

ridiculously late by cinnamonfreak | E, 21k, completed multichapter. a/b/o au where dirk suddenly presents. REALLY intriguing hal in this one i fuckin love the power play

roboporn by smrtnik | E, 3.9k words, complete. really fun power play in this one. hal is waterproofed externally but not internally. he gives dirk a handie over his open chassis torso. theres also really sweet snuggling afterwards

[moookar]

Pretend this is on anon for me onkay?

🧀

woah who could have sent this ask? Cheese anon is a mystery. Oh well i guess we’ll never know

[mugs-n-cans]

Scout, try this! My kummisetä sent some to me, and I thought I would gift it to someone like yourself! He said it's called Lipovitan! - Chef Anon

Woah, pal, you are spittin’ some really complex words right now… [He looks completely lost but takes the drink].

So like, what exactly is this? [He looks over the label but has absolutely no idea what any of it says. He shrugs before opening it and taking a drink. He never does learn from drinking mysterious liquids].

Hey…it ain’t half bad! It’s really freakin’ sweet, like Bonk!

But honestly, Bonk! is the sweetest frickin’ drink ever…but like this is better than soda too! Whatever this is, it’s good!

[treetownconfessions]

₊ ♡. (^ᴗ^ ) hello everyone ^_^ does anyone know how to get smeared peas out of plush fabric? /(;>_<)\ my giggles plush was flung off my bed mysteriously and crashed into the floor... DX> i happened to have a jar of peas above where she landed and it spilled all over her and got aggressively rubbed into her face... somehow! (@_@) ⟡˚₊ ♡ i tried using a wet wipe but it might've made it worse! she has blood on her bow too... would love any advice. ´｡• ᵕ •｡` thank you! xoxo! ᧔o᧓

in 2017 i was part of this sanrio amino community which specifically posted aesthetic pictures and drawings and this is unironically what talking with any of them looked like because nobody ever broke character so we'd all be in group chats and someone would be like "⋆｡°✩•.○` my dad isnt allowed to drive because he got a dui" and wed all just go "⋆｡°✩•.○` woah" it was fucking terrible. no hate to this anon though

HELP?

[befuddled-calico-whump]

There's a couple new things so I'll just throw all my reactions into one message and hope it's coherent enough.

First off, love to see a healthy Hunter. He deserves it and it makes me think of that image with the dolphin jumping in front of a rainbow. If that means anything to you

And secondly the revenge stream is......as gnarly as the pictures you shared earlier. Probably more gnarly actually but honestly. I can't say I hate seeing that old man get his shit rocked. Dude deserves it

Finally

WOAH JASON IS NPT JUST A GUY BUT SLSO I THIGB????crszzzyloke what the hell he's SO COOOL AND MYSTERIOUS NOW HOW DIDNit ahaooen why? Also how does sitchamge his relationship to Interrogator theirdynmocnis 100 tiems more interesting now. If this (paragraph) means anything to you

-⌚anon

WOO REACTIONS!

The western AU is definitely a self indulgent Kaius/Hunter project for me hehe. It's fun giving them both someone who gets them and letting them thrive and not be lonely (at least for a little bit). The dolphin jumping through a rainbow is so real though lolol

Jason is really fun as a Creature. He's just a bloodthirsty puppy at heart but can get Really Weird if he doesn't balance his cravings. The Interrogator thinks it's chill (as usual, they overestimate themselves a bit). They have a kind of platonic dog/master relationship, with the Interrogator keeping Jason on a leash so he doesn't go too far in either direction, and Jason adoring them and seeing them as his best friend

And it's really fun to wreck Vic in an AU hehe. I just like horrible old men and whumping Vic is a guilty pleasure

[alaskan-wallflower]

Half fish Gender neutral (afab) reader x Kenny McCormick?? Like, sort of a mermaid but instead of like having a tail they just straight up turn into a fish lol (like they have a tail AND legs, maybe they hide their fish tail under big ass pants or something, also they have gill on their neck and sides)

Sfw pls! I just want some fluff

- 🐡 Anon

of course!!

Kenny McCormick with a FISH!S/O

(kinda took inspiration from Luca-)

You were a sea monster/mermaid type creature

Your family was very strict about not allowing you to the surface because of the dirty humans

But one day, you were washed away by a rather strong current into one of the rivers/streams, thus ending up in South Park

As soon as you got up there, you realized that you were finally above the surface! But instead of flippers and fins…you had hands and feet

Your (F/C) scales were gone and replaced with flesh, which scared the shit out of you at first

But you realized that you still had your tail and the gills on your neck, and you were relieved

(imagine the tail being like-kinda long and thin and ends in what looks like a fish tail)

You didn’t know how to walk yet though and you were gasping for breath

Suddenly, a blonde boy in a parka and a mask approached

”Woah, what the fuck?”

You quickly hid your tail and put your hand over your gills and Kenny raised an eyebrow

”Guys, can you come here?”

And so, after being given a pair of clothes (and a teasing from Cartman for not being able to walk) you were on your way

They hadn’t seen your tail and gills though

You made sure to buy baggy pants and turtlenecks all the time

And soon, Kenny began to develop an interest in your mysterious nature

He often wondered why you never took off your baggy pants and turtlenecks, and why you would avoid water at all costs, and soon he began to wonder what was up with you

So, after one of your evening getaways to the lake, you took off your clothes and went for a swim

As soon as you got out of the water though, Kenny was standing there, mouth agape and eyes so wide the whites were visible all around

“Holy SHIT WHAT THE FUCK?!”

You had to come over and cover his mouth

Once he calmed down enough to be spoken to, you began to explain your case

He was probably your best friend in the group and you began developing feelings for this human

After you explained your case to him, he was sworn to secrecy

…though you two do go for swims a lot-

Late into the night he’ll come out of his house (maybe with Karen, but she was sworn to secrecy too)

And you two will swim for hours together

When he’s without Karen though he likely skinnydips-

One night, the full moon was reflecting on the lake. Kenny was on the sidelines, his feet in the lake, but nothing else. He was just watching you swim and leap around in the water like a dolphin

“God…they’re so beautiful…”

He was known to make suggestive jokes towards you all through your friendship, and now that he was so close to an actual relationship, he could hardly stop himself anymore

“God, I love you…”

You stopped splashing around in the water almost immediately, your cheeks dusted red even through your colored scales as you swam towards him

He smirks and holds your hand as he hugs you closer so you’re practically on top of him

You can feel his heart pounding in his chest as he gazed at you.

”I said I love you, Y/N.”

Thus began your relationship

You two definitely make out underwater

(if you have water bending powers too, kinda just added that in for fun-)

If not, then he likely tugs you to the surface so you’re on top of him and he makes out with you like that

He loves petting your scales and your tail too

Def makes Sharkboy and Lavagirl jokes (calls you Sharkboy/girl/kid)

He loves watching movies like The Little Mermaid and Luca with you

He loves getting spicy on the beach with you too

Overall it’s a great relationship and your secret is safe with him ^^

Until Cartman catches you two