#woah I ficked

[ichikopotato]

Hi! Could you write about Tom just having the fattest crush on a girl?

Yes, YES

First request bitches!

It was weird for him, having a huge crush for a girl he barely even knew. It was like a dream to him, not knowing what to do with it.

It started when he was just watching TV with his brother in his hotel room, just munching on skittles. And low and behold, the Band, B/N goes on air. When he first laid eyes on her, he sweared that he had never seen a much beautiful woman than her.

Bill looks at him weirdly, as he stopped eating the skittles with him. “Geht es dir gut? Du siehst aus, als hättest du gerade einen Geist gesehen” he laughed. His brother had stopped chewing. “Nein, holy shit. What’s that girls name?” Tom had muttered.

“Oh, her? Y/N. Why?”

“She’s so..”

“Gorgeous.”

Bill laughed, in awe as he saw his brother’s face completely starstruck from this single girl. Tom immediately got off the couch, grabbing his laptop to search more about her.

After endless hours of him searching and finding more information about this girl, Bill hyping him up to ask her, he finally gathered up the courage to ask her out on a date. He booked a ticket for one of her shows, shaking.

“holy shit! You actually have the balls to go and see her.” Bill muttering. Tom laughed his ass off, happy as ever.

It was the day he was finally going to see your show. He got ready, adding extra effort to look good and presented for her. (he really doesn’t have to)

He got into his car, driving off to the venue- He was swarmed with hundreds of fans, practically screaming at him “Holy shit, I love you!” Holding up signs saying, “Fick mich!” . He finally got into the venue and into front row, of course. He was in complete awe, as he saw her and her band walking onto the stage, waving at the crowd. His heart skipped a beat, as he saw her waving at him.

His lips slightly parted, as he was in complete starstruck as he shyly waved back, at her. After the concert, he gathered up the courage to speak and approach you. Her security let him go backstage, and letting Tom talk to her.

Tom knocked on her dressing room, shaking slightly. His cheeks turned slightly pinkish, as she opens the door, “Oh my god— Tom Kaulitz?! Woah- what are you doing here?” She muttered, smiling up at him.

“I-I was wondering if I could get the honours of taking you out tomorrow night, if you’re not busy.” He stuttered, smirking slyly as he played with his lip piercing.

Her heart skipped a beat, as she hesitated for a moment. She nodded, “Of course, i-ill call you—“ she was cut off by him grabbing her phone, typing in his number. “I’ll pick you up, 6:30 sharp.” Tom winked, smirking as he left her alone, leaving her blushing and shy. He finally got what he was wanting for.

Ill tag the people who i got these dividers from later, thank you!

[i-turned-the-frogs-gay]

Die "Gayness" in 4><Z (I guess)

Als kleiner Junge gab es 3 Sachen die ich wahnsinnig gerne gesehen hab, ich hatte damals zwar absolut keine Ahnung was "Schwul oder bisexuell" überhaupt bedeutet, aber trotzdem gab es bei allen drei Dingern mindestens einen Character bei dem ich dachte:" Woah, der steht auf Männer" (ich hatte halt nur kein Wort lmao). Tja und weil dass ganze ein 4><Z blog ist, rede ich jetzt darüber, was an der Serie (bzw. an bestimmten Charakteren ) gay war. Vieles wird sich hier aber auf Vorurteile stützen und reine Überinterpretation sein (weil queercoding).

Zanrelot: Bei ihm ist das irgendwie noch am offensichtlichsten, klar wurde nie gesagt "Das ist der schwule Z, er ist ein richtig gayer Typ und wirklich verdammt queer, er ist der Bösewicht und er ist vom anderen Ufer, er ist der fucking Homofürst der Finsternis, meine Fresse er ist halt ein Warmer" ABER das queercoding war schon irgendwie da, so wurde er (gerade in den Büchern!) als irgendwie ziemlich feminin dargestellt, seine Nägel waren perfekt manikürt, seine Lieblingsbeschäftigung war das Selbst Bewundern im Spiegel, und er war eine fucking Dramaqueen. Dann gab es noch das ganze "boah ich hasse die Liebe, fick die Liebe , ich habe der Liebe abgeschworen und ich habe meinen Partner* irgendwie gehasst und (indirekt) gekillt" Sache, die mich schon irgendwie an diesen Stereotypen des "gewissenlosen Homo-Killers" erinnert. Vieles liegt sicher an der Art und Weise wie Udo Kier seine Character spielt, aber auch nicht alles (wie gesagt in den Büchern ist halt fast noch extremer...)

Matreus: Ich denke seine Queerness basiert hauptsächlich auf seinem Auftreten und auf seiner Beziehung zu Jona ( einige merken hier die Sache mit der Haut an, oder die Sache mit dem Mond oder die Sache auf'm Boot an und I can see that) und ich glaube selbst ein heterosexuellen Love interest hätte daran nichts mehr geändert. (Ich hatte auch mal eine Person die meinte, dass dieses ganze "Ich unterwerfe mich Z, lass ich mich" Ding queercoding sein könnte, aber ich persönlich sehe dass ganz kaum bis gar nicht🧍‍♂️)

Jona:

Zum Einen ist da sein sehr auffälliger Kleidungstil (Sicher der ist primär da um einen Kontrast zur Unterwelt zu bilden ABER mMn. erfüllt er auch irgendwie dieses Klischee vom "herausstechenden und schrillen typen" (keine Ahnung wie ich das jtz beschreiben soll) ).

Die Beziehung zu Matreus (gerade die ganze Sache mit dem Tanz; ganz ehrlich was wenn man jemanden irgendwie bloßstellen möchte, geht das auch auf bessere Weise)

Die fucking Bisexuelle Decke und diese eine Kampfszene in Staffel 3

Tbh ich sehe ihn eher als bisexuell 🧍‍♂️

Joa, dass waren jetzt die paar Gedanken die ich zu diesem Thema hatte, ich hoffe diese machen irgendwie Sinn (und nach meiner "Buch review" Reihe eine irgendwie Willkomme Abwechslung)🧍‍♂️

[sunnibits]

WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK JUST DROPPED WHILE I WAS ALSEEP. WHAR THE FICK. WHY IS MY HEART BEATING SO FAST. WHATS HAPPENING. AM I DREAMING

[gunthermunch]

Squeezes Max so hard his eyes pop out like one of those 70p squishy toys and I’m coming out by Diana Ross starts playing.

Hope he gets so many pixel ruffles n smooches or whatever. An Angel randomly dropped him off one day actually and pansys are pretty flowers Scrooge needs to shut the fick up he’s dead someone’s gotta close the lid so he stops whispering bs! They make me very happy I love little family’s even if you have many or some are found no matter the circumstances they’re rlly cute. Morgan so gorgeous like woah they’re so me. Seeing Max open up over time especially w the orientation stuff like that was a huge bump in the road for him n look at him now being all cool and cute someone hold me back I’m gonna go insane w the fluff I can’t do it I adore them. I’m sure there’s still ways to go but I couldn’t be prouder.

Cant wait till Lucas and Max see each-other again unless you’ve got time line plans 🤔🤔Imaging what could be makes me wanna curl up rock back n forth and cry quietly they are so so so precious I need more emotional relief

scrooge😭😭maybe if jacques got visited by three spirits on christmas eve lucas and max would be dating nowadays

[hellonpluto]

Spider-Man 3 (2007) during-the-movie notes. They're not actually notes but i'm calling them that bc idk man

Spider-Man 3 (2007) notes!!

-intro pt 3. Loving how since there's like an evil version of him or smth the intro's more dark n brooding. Less reds n more black

-the backgrounds in the intro are more green whenever harry is being shown in the flashbacks!!! What the freak!!!

-spidey swinging thru the cracked glass memories is such a good idea and they did it so well

-OH SHIT THEN IT SHOWS VENOM SNEAKING INTO THE DNA N WEBS

-"ur friendly neighbor-hood.. yknow." YEAH I KNOWWWW

-GWEN STACY???? she's so prettyyyyyyy...

-mj slaying??? Yeah

-peter's so smitten its so cute :]

-thats right it took till the third movie to get a :] outta me

-i would love this scene even more if we didnt see stacy beforehand. Like its so sweet but also. Why

-"your knees were fine 😊"

-they're so cuteeeeeee . What the fuck is gonna happen to them

-VENOMMMMM

-at least i think its him

-why is this man breaking into a home. Do not touch her

-ohh its his daughter

-but still ew

-aunt may is so sweet for giving peter her wedding ring to give to mj. Thats so lovely

-but sadly boy gets yoinked on his way home

-is this one abt harry fumbling instead of peter

-IS HARRY DEAD????

-dna scene aw hell yeah

-wait no is he dusting away

-sand man???

-is he. Ok

-he mustve been a bitch to animate

"YOU TELL MY WIFE--*hits button*--thank you."

-what is going ON with newspaper man

-"Can i just say i really like that shirt?--here, its the crane accident."

-"he likes my shirt 👁👁"

-"does anybody care about what i want?" "I do!!" "Shut up. Get out."

-STAN LEE CAMEO(he speaks)

-NO. NO. NO PETEY NO DO NOT KISS HER

-FUCKING GOD. PETER. WHAT.

-EW

-gwen stacy get out

-peter ur so stupid

-VENOM!!!!!!!!

-new suit moment

-SYMBIOTE!!!!!!!

-"see ya chump."

-subway fight sick af

-bro's mudding it up

-edgy????

-*covers one eye with hair* because tonoight will be the noight that i will fall for youi ...

-NUH UH. SPIDEY DOESNT KILL

-Harry paints!!! Thats so silly!!

-landlord friendship unlocked??

-ok so now mj cheats

-NORMAN YOU EVIL SKANK

-peonies 😔

-STRAWBERRIES????

-oh shit what

-peter evil arc

-hrm

-i hate his collar :)

-HE HAS BANGS NOW WHAT

-newspaper man is confused and worried

-hes so real for that

-THE DANCING MEME

-ewwww peter ewwww

-he can play piano?? What???

-two girls ar once????

-uhm

-holy shit

-he's getting his boogey on

-woahhh woah byddy. Woaht. What. Nooio

-PICK A STRUGGLE PETER. PICK ONE.

-bar fight?

-he's trapped :[

-OOOOO VENOMMMM

-awooooooga

-eddie brock omg

-i love the voice changing and the animation. Im swooning over the craftmanship omg

-EDD???

-OH MY SHIT I WAS RIGHT ABT 'SANDMAN'

-"ooh.. my spider-sense is tingling 😏" eddie are u trying to get it on with mr parker

-bro he even tied him UP

-HARRY OSBORN UR AMAZING

-hand-holding from first movie resumed!!!

-oh my fick i was joking then i gor to the "give me your hand!" Bit. Harry ur not slick

-newspaper man gets scammed by kid(its me im the kid)

-"HANG ON!!" "TO WHAT??"

-parksborn, your honor.

-why did peter moan

-anyways.

-eddie's teeth are now fucked up in civilian form. Nvm

-HARRY NOOOOOO

-harry :[

-ok yeah no i dont like eddie no mo

-i think i just like the venom animation. Yeah

-bro gets fucked up via noise

-eddie just. Killed himself

-what the flip

-marko :[

-MARKOOOOOO

-HARRY :[[[[[[[

-why yyyyyy

-couldnt peter have just. Webbed him up a bit? Why?????

-the throuple is now just a couple 😔

-seeing mj. I think i need to watch the ironman movies to see pepper pots(potts?) and tony stark not constantly cheat on eachother. I mean at least i hope they dont

-good movie, i feel like venom couldve been used a bit better. Very sad abt harry. 7/10 honestly. I think thats just bc im sad, but i liked 2 the best out of the og three movies.

[tryingtounderstandbrainheart]

20240619

Det var en onsdag. Nu har jag redan börja glömma men anywho, jag tror...jo på morgonen hade jag börjat de första öglorna på mitt projekt "hm...fixar jag att virka en bikiniöverdel?" Jag letade upp en guide och satt och tragglade och försökte förstå, och göra om :) Linus frågade om jag ville vara med och spela nåt spel där man typ skulle bygga typ grekiska byggnader eller nåt. Lät skittråkigt, vilket var bra för då kunde jag börja på mitt. Just ja och sen vernissagen kl. 13 och sen måste jag hinna äta nånstans och sen är det punkkonserten på kvällen. Det...går nog, tyckte jag men jag kände en stress och kände det här kommer bli flängigt. .

Jag hade med mig en soppa för planen var att åka tillbaka efter vernissagen och äta.

Medan jag virkade hörde jag typ "jamen jag har ju ingen katt" och andra random saker när de spelade. Jag flinade lite. Tydligen var det viktigt med katt för att bygga monumenten.

När klockan slog 12 begav jag mig mot konsthallen och jo just det, blåsan hade kissafton för sig så jag hade gått på toa 4 ggr på morgonen men när jag kom fram behövde jag återigen gå på toa. Där slog jag ihjäl lite tid för jag var tidig.

12.50 gick jag in och det var fullt av folk men Patrik var Inte där. MajLinda ställde också ut där så jag sa lite saker till henne och kände återigen att...nej tack. Jag hade ju räknat med det han sa, "några ringar i blyerts" men jag hade ju märkt att han var jävligt...bissi plötsligt och det blev lite sådär...WOAH när jag såg den. The motherbleeper hade gjort klart den..! På vadå? 4 dagar? I sann Patrikanda var det galet perfektionistiskt. Där va han! Han såg mig och han kramade om mig och sen började vi bubbla om allt möjligt i vanlig ordning.

Efter ett tag kom det in en ...hen får jag väl säga. En dude med klänning och boobs. Jag reagerade direkt och tyckte hm...vad är dedär för intressant filur? Hen skulle tydligen uppträda och jag tyckte det va...expressionistiskt och jag blev lite nyfiken så jag beslöt mig för att gå fram och prata med hen innan hen drog. Hen sa att hen fanns på spotify och lite sånt. Väldigt kort samtal really. Jag kommer mest ihåg att den där personen fick mig att känna mig kort. Ett huvud längre? Nåt sånt. Cool, powerful presence.

Vid det här laget hade Julius dykt upp och när jag gick tillbaka (och han hade haft ett rätt långt samtal med hen som jag tror va lite smitten av Julius för det var mycket...pilla på hår o grejer, anyway) till dem så var det ovanligt bra stämning mellan oss. Julius har jag upplevt som ...tråkig och bland. Men inte den här gången riktigt. Efter pratet började dö ut sa han att han tänkte bege sig och äta en falafel. Nånstans där kände jag att jag behövde äta, det hade tagit längre tid än beräknat och slippa åka tillbaka för soppan vore nice och Patrik ville fira sin success. Där nånstans bestämde vi tre att jamen...då drar vi och äter nånstans. Efter en del gåande hittade vi veganbar och vi beställde alla chili sin carne :D Den va svinagod. Där satt vi och bubblade om allt möjligt och det var bra stämning. So much so att klockan drog återigen iväg och jag märkte vid 17 att jag behövde pysa hem och byta om o grejer.

Väl hemma skulle också psykologen ringa och ha ett uppföljningssamtal mitt i allt så det hade jag på telefon och sen var det dags för hm...vad i fåglarna ska jag ha På mig? Hur klär man sig på en punkkonsert? Hundra år sen jag var på en. Jag provad ut nåt men märkte att faaan jag har gått upp i vikt och magen gjorde att håliga jeansen blev a nono. jag drog på mig mina olikfärgade jeansbyxor, svart t shirt och mitt chokersmycke med massa svarta hjärtan jag aldrig använt hittills. osen håret i två mussepigg bollar. done :) Så fick det bli.

Återigen märkte jag hur LITET Malmö är och hittade Medley på en gång. Råpunk...? vad kan det innebära? Tänkte jag innan. Jag mötte upp de utanför och vi gick in. SÅKLART hade jag med mig världens största ryggsäck och såklart var det gratis garderob som alla kom åt så jag fick dra omkring på den.

De hade beställt varsin öl och kände sådär just sjutton sånt brukar ju ingå...jag har inte druckit öl på hundra år och vet INTE hur magen kommer reagera eller agera. Men alla hade ju köpt och jag kände väl att...fan... ok då. Nån stratovarius eller vad det hette blev det. Den var rätt god ändå. 80 jävla spänn för ETT glas >_<

Vi började prata lite och jag kände sådär oooh..hur ska man va på sånna här ställen..? Men jag sa lite saker och det fick liksom va good enough. "Jag är ok" och "people like me" hjälpte mig att fortsätta.

Sen började det låta längre bort och de hade börjat. Jag kommer dit och det är ...SÅ dåligt. På scenen är en supertatuerad rakad person som verkligen bara skriker allt vad han kan i en ton. . Han hängde dock från taket där de riggat lampor och hängde i benen. det va coolt. Men jag kände inget obehag alls i kroppen av musiken och kunde stå nära utan problem..! det stod jag och njöt av när jag tyckte han va så jävla dålig :) När andra bandet kom var jag skeptisk och ställde mig själv längre bak. De var Ännu sämre. Det tyckte faktiskt Valeria också. Så vi stod lite längre bort o tyckte blä. Så vi gick och skulle sätta oss vid ett bord och typ då kommer ett helt gäng ner mot oss, varav två blödde och var Pissed. Nån hade blivit puttad in i en stolpe och det blev bråk. Han fick åka till akuten och sy i pannan. Band tre var faktiskt riktigt bra. Jag hade en halv öl kvar då och jag märkte att om man dansar och håller i ett glas öl så hamnar det Överallt. Så min t-shirt, arm, ryggsäck blev lite badad. Det gjorde dock inte så mycket för jag märkte att ett halvt glas räckte. Jag började känna det i kroppen och det är inte sådär dundergott att jag vill ha mycket. Men det blev lite svängande ändå till sist och när de var klara var det sådär...hm...kändes egentligen som det började precis nu. Men de skulle jobba och jag skulle också iväg på morgonen så det blev it och jag pös hem.

Han var vaken och vi bubblade lite men jag fick hoppa i duschen för hela jag stank öl. :)

Intressant mix att gå från lugnt o sansat konstgrejs till punkkonsert på kvällen. Inte alls helt perfekt men mer år rätt håll. Musiken var ju mestadels kass :D men det va kul att träffa de igen och jag märker lite att jag ändå kan umgås i flera olika kretsar och miljöer, det är häftigt :) Plus att det var skönt att han var lång, för de två är ju pyttingar! Men coola o bra likväl.. :)

[the-interidiot]

WOAH WOAH OWQHAH!!!! WOAH!!! LOOK ST THIS!!! OMG!!! BASEBALL BAT LOOKS SO FICKING COOL

HE KIND OF REMIDNS KE OF JACKET FROM HOTLINE MIAMI /POS

AND CELLPHONE LOOKS - THIS IS A WEIRD DESCRIPTOR - YUMMY! THEY LOOK LIKE ONE OF THOSE GRAPE CANDIES WITH THE SPIRAL IN THEM!!! I NEED TO KISS STAR RIGHT ON THE HEAD!!!

hi again

BASEBALL BAT - he/it/she

CELLPHONE - she/they/he/swirl/star

DO NOT REPOST MY ART.

[venusdebotticelli]

Endgame

In which Dean and Castiel just need to sit the fuck down and talk for a bit, and The Empty is Really Bad™ at dealing with insomnia. 

This came about after 13x07, when I started thinking about s14 being hypothetically a final season, and how they could satisfyingly wrap up different threads for the endgame scenario. I started writing it right after that episode, so some details may not align with current canon anymore, but who cares, because ~*theeeeeeeeeeeeemes*~ my dudes :P And a massive thanks to @60r3d0m for the great beta that really made the writing shine :D

Part 1/2, 2nd part coming soon

[AO3]

It can’t go back to sleep. It was forced into consciousness by that annoying little parasite and now It can’t find a way to stop being again. After an eternity of tenuous marginal existence, this forced sentience proves to be an unbearable inconvenience. If It has to endure this suffering, It will bring down Everything with It.

It focuses Its attention on one of Its sleepers, and pokes at it. The sleeper stirs slightly, those annoying little thoughts starting to build up and echo, so It pokes at it again, harder this time. The sleeper’s essence starts to crumble at the edges and dissipates into It, absorbed into nothingness. One last poke, and the sleeper is no more.

It feels Its essence expand. It develops an edge, a border, a frontier, an end.

It feels around the new development, and It shifts.

The little girl is missing half of her left arm. Instead of a stump, the arm finishes on a clean cut that exposes her muscles, bones, all the inside bits. It’s not bleeding—the blood seems to still be circulating. It comes through the arteries, and goes up again through the veins, without ever leaving the arm, never going past the exposed edge.

Castiel is crouching in front of her, and her big eyes study him curiously as she sips from her carton of juice.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, and she shakes her head in answer.

The door opens behind him and Dean comes in, so he smiles reassuringly at the girl and pulls Dean aside.

“Sheriff says a bubble of pure black just showed up out of nowhere in the middle of town. Disappeared after a few seconds, and when it was gone it was like it just bit a chunk out of reality. Big hole in the middle of the road, half a house missing, and everybody who was in the radius disappeared.” Dean rubs a hand down his face and looks at the girl in the corner. “Kiera there was walking with her parents, mom was holding her hand when they got swallowed up.”

Castiel walks back over to Kiera, and asks for permission to inspect her arm, which she grants with a tentative nod. He carefully holds it up between his hands, running his finger over the exposed muscle, but feels nothing, not even the sensation of touch. He removes his fingertip and it comes away clean. No blood. Pressing his finger to her dark skin, he can feel her warmth, but when he moves it over the edge again, he loses the ability to feel anything at all.

“Do you feel it when I touch your wound, Kiera?”

She shakes her head again, which Castiel already expected, but then spits out the straw and speaks.

“Mom and Dad are holding my hand. I can feel them.” Her lip wobbles announcing tears, as she asks, “Do you know where they are?”

“We don’t know where they are yet, but we will do everything we can to find them quickly and bring them back to you.” Castiel says, and he feels a hand coming to rest on his shoulder as Dean leans down to talk to her as well.

“Until we find your parents, Miss Blair is going to take you in. You like Miss Blair, don’t you? When your parents come back you can tell them all about the pies she baked and all the movies you watched, I’m sure they’ll love to hear it.”

When her sniffles have calmed and the nurse has closed the door behind them, Castiel takes Dean to a quiet corner of the hallway.

“Her arm still works as if it were whole, and if she can still feel her parents, I think we might be looking at a break between dimensions here. I’d wait to see if Sam’s observed anything else on the street, but this might be a plausible explanation.”

“Yeah, I think so too,” Dean replies, and he fidgets with the phone in his pocket. “I think this is probably one for Jack.”

The strong afternoon sun is baking the small vegetation on the side of the road, and Castiel can feel the same heat emanating from the side of the Impala behind his back. The sound of Dean’s voice travels to him from further down the road as he updates Sam and Mary on their situation.

The situation in question is a 100-feet-wide crater that now takes up the space of what used to be a gas station and eight-and-a-half people, with the remaining half-person currently resting in a hospital room three miles away, awake and with fully exposed, fully functional, half of his vital organs. One of his ears got transported to the alternate dimension, but the only thing he could hear was complete and utter silence, just sporadically broken by the voices of the other disappeared people. From what he heard them say, he got the idea they were all just walking around in complete darkness, with nothing surrounding them.

Castiel had suspected it before, but the account of the half-man is enough to confirm it is the Empty on the other side of the trans-dimensional bubbles. In the five months since that first case that stole Kiera’s parents, they’ve kept track of new dark bubbles, cataloguing them, and keeping Jack updated on their expansion. Some of them are just a foot wide, some spanning almost half a mile. Sometimes the site remains unaltered after the first bubble, but other times they reoccur, swallowing the same area repeatedly and with no predictable pattern. And in the meantime, Jack’s been trying to coax his powers to interact with the Empty, to no avail. He’d tried at first to treat it as he would any other interdimensional travel, but he’d just hit a wall in those attempts. As far as his powers can perceive, the Empty does not exist.

Dean walks towards Castiel, still talking to Sam on the phone, and he leans against the Impala right beside his friend. Castiel turns to look at him, the sun making the tips of his hair shine gold, highlighting the freckles on his nose, and from one blink to the next, they are suddenly enveloped in full impenetrable darkness. Dean drops his phone in shock and Castiel straightens up against the Impala, alert and studying their surroundings. This proves fruitless—there is nothing but pitch black. It is the two of them and the right half of the Impala, mutilated in a perfect straight line right through the middle, lost in pure nothingness.

“No... No, no, no... No, no, no, no! No! No! No, no, no! No... No!”  

Dean’s panicked litany, running in circles around the Impala as he takes in the damage, barely registers to him. Castiel freezes where he is, and he thinks he might be sliding down the Impala’s side to the floor, but he can’t be certain because the memory of his own bastardised face is drowning everything in black, taunting him, and he fought his way out—he knows in his gut—but suddenly the reality of this place is too much, and there’s an alien wheezing sound in the distance that might be his breathing, and…

“Cas!”

Dean’s hand is suddenly on his cheek, and those are Dean’s eyes in front of him too.

“Hey, Cas, hey, you okay?”

Castiel focuses on the touch of Dean’s fingers on his face, and tries to force his breathing to calm down. He places his own hand over Dean’s, and presses down on it hard, trying to sear the feeling of Dean into his skin. Dean’s expression bleeds worry, and Castiel uses the fingers of his free hand to trace the deep lines on his forehead.

“You alright, buddy?” Dean repeats, after quite a few heartbeats have passed.

“Yeah. Yes, I’m fine.” And he thinks there might even be some truth to it, because Dean is here with him this time, and they will find their way out. They have to, just like they always have. With a last squeeze, he drops Dean’s hand, and Dean moves it to his shoulder before he takes it away and sits down next to him. “This is The Empty.”

“Yeah, I figured by now. Stupid place cut Baby in half. It better fucking fix her right back when we get out.” Dean lets out a sigh and turns to look at Cas, “So now, we sit down and wait?”

“I suppose so.”

“And you’re sure it got them?” Jack asks on the phone.

Sam places his hand on the half-Impala still standing in the middle of the road and winces in sympathy.

“Yeah, Jack, I’m pretty sure.” He hears the flapping of wings behind him, and when he turns to look back at Mary, Jack is standing next to her with a pained expression.

“I don’t know if I can find It.”

His voice sounds as small as he looks.

“So yeah, sometimes I really wonder, does he actually want to rule and be king, or does he just keep falling into it because his people want him to, and he feels he owes them? Or ‘cause he thinks he’s still got something to prove for being a bastard?” With Dean’s head on his shoulder, Castiel feels Dean’s animation as he speaks with every movement of hair under his cheek, and the rumble of Dean’s voice courses through his body. Dean’s thumb traces rhythmic circles on his knee. “‘Cause I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s actually doing a decent job of it, but he’s got Sansa back home, who actually wants it and is growing so much to be a natural leader, and then Dany, who has made it her goal since the beginning. And I don’t know, you might say she’s a bit too temperamental for it, but she’s also grown a lot, and at the end of the day, her decisions tend to be for the good of the people, so she ain’t a bad choice. And now when people find out he’s actually the heir to the Iron Throne, he won’t even have anything to prove anymore, so once the army of the dead is smoking barbeque… you know, I’m just saying.”

“Let Jon Snow retire and move somewhere quiet with Ghost?”

“Exactly.” Dean lifts his head and grins at Castiel, and he returns it with fond eyes. The silence that falls over them as they sit and feel their shoulders pressed against one another is a comfortable one, but The Empty has a way of sapping the warmth away, so Dean’s voice is barely a sad whisper when he speaks again. “What was it like, last time you were here?”

“When I first woke up, there was nothing. I remembered the pain of Lucifer stabbing me and my grace burning out, but I could feel none of it, and nothing around me either. The Empty seems a lot emptier when you are here alone.” He glances at Dean with a small smile. “That lasted for a while—not that time feels any real here. But then my shouts woke It up.”

Castiel falls silent, and he can feel the intensity of Dean’s eyes burning a hole through his temple. His hand has found its place on Castiel’s knee again, this time with a grounding grip.

“The Empty, It took my face to mock me, and to try to get me back to sleep”—Castiel can feel the unmoving tension in his body, the strain on his voice as he talks— “It showed me all the times I failed you, and tried to convince me that there was nothing for me back home—that no one wanted me back.”

“Cas, that’s not—”

“I know.”

He turns to look at Dean now, expression tight and pleading, and Dean understands, nods with eyes that promise he won’t interrupt until Castiel is done talking. So Castiel keeps talking, but keeps his eyes on Dean’s this time. On the edge of his vision, he can see his own distorted reflection on the Impala’s door.

“It told me that I would just keep making big mistakes and ruining everything if I came back, so it would be better for everyone if I just stayed dead. I think it may have worked if It had stolen your face and your voice—I would have listened and gone back to sleep. But it was just a bad imitation of myself, and if I’m always making horrible mistakes... why would I have listened to myself? I would probably be wrong about that too.

“And I couldn’t just leave you and Sam to deal with Lucifer and Jack, when they were my responsibility... And I wanted to come back to you. So I fought the Empty, and I fought the part of myself that agreed with its taunting, and just thought of getting to see you again.”

Dean’s face has been melting and transforming with growing concern as he’s spoken, settling into a stained-glass portrait so soft and openly shining through with pain, that Castiel finds he can’t bear to look at its burning light any longer.

“And if it turned out that my coming back ruined everything again, then I would deal with the fall out, as is my duty. But I wanted to be selfish and get back to you, take the opportunity that was presented to me. And now, not even a year later, The Empty is broken and spreading throughout Earth, and I can’t help but think it might have been better if I’d listened to It the first time. Maybe this whole situation is my fault.”

Castiel stares at his fingers and lets himself feel the pull of The Empty. If he doesn’t fight It, Dean’s warmth and the solid reassurance of the Impala against his back starts to dissipate, becomes unreal until he is no longer able to feel them, and he starts to lose all sense of his own physical existence. He desperately holds on to the sensation of Dean’s touch, and realises that that’s not the only difference from his memory of It. Last time, he had felt nothing around him, and yet there was a constant feeling of being closely observed, never tangible enough to pinpoint, but permeating the whole oppressive nothingness. That feeling is absent now, making the nothingness feel truly void, and he wonders if the consciousness that he confronted is elsewhere, if that’s even possible.

“I almost killed myself a few hours before you came back.”

“Dean!”

His train of thought abruptly interrupted, Castiel’s hand wraps itself tightly around Dean’s arm, his other hand finding Dean’s resting between their bodies. Dean gives it a squeeze and sends a small smile his way before continuing:

“It wasn’t completely intentional, more of a careless decision than a suicide attempt, but when I realised I was dead, I didn’t really care much. Billie was there, expecting me to beg her to bring me back, and telling me that we had important work ahead or whatever. But I didn’t really wanna be back? If I was dead, then fine, that was my time, I was cool with it.” Dean lets out a sad laugh. “It woulda sucked for Sam, though, me dying on him right after losing mom and you, and with a weird Nephilim kid to look after. But I wasn’t even thinking of that at the time. I just thought he’d be fine eventually, wouldn’t have to take care of his sad sack brother, and he could keep looking for mom if he wanted to.”

Dean’s thumb keeps tracing a pattern on his hand, and Castiel is still holding on to him, no intention of letting go.

“The only thing I was thinking at the time was how I couldn’t save you. Not you, not mom. What did it matter if I died? When I couldn’t protect the people that really matter,” he raises his head and looks at Castiel. “The people I love. Guess I just felt like life wasn’t really much worth living if you weren’t there with me.” The corners of his mouth feel tense in his smile to Castiel, like they are struggling against the weight of all his years’ worth of deep-settled sadness.

Castiel opens his mouth to try to soothe his pain, but before he can even think of what to say to that kind of confession, Dean keeps talking:

“So when you say there’s a part of you that thinks no one would miss you here... I mean, I ain’t dumb enough to not see it’s my fault in big part. I keep telling you we need you, like this is about cases or saving the world or whatever, like that’s enough to show you what I mean, when what I— what I actually mean, what I want to say, I mean— it’s, you know...”

He closes his mouth to stop the stuttering, puts all his determination into the look he fixes on Castiel’s face and takes a deep breath.

“I always want you here,” he huffs, a slightly frantic laugh escaping him, and he looks around himself, before settling his gaze back onto Castiel, “Okay, not here-here, like the Empty here, but... with me. I—I always want you by my side. And not because you’re useful or because you think you owe us or it’s your duty or some other bullshit, but because you’re you, and I’m always a lot happier when you’re around, Cas. And if you ever fuck up, then you’re no different than me and Sam, and mistakes are always easier to fix when we’re together anyway. I still want you around, no matter what.”

Castiel realises that his hand has tightened around Dean’s to the point of making it white, but Dean is holding back just as hard, and he doesn’t feel he would be able to let go at the moment, even if he wanted to. His grace feels tight inside his body, like it’s not enough to hold him anymore, but it’s not his grace that’s the problem. All his doubts, all his feelings of not belonging anywhere, are boiling inside of him, evaporating to make room for an immense amount of hope, of joy, of love. He knows his face lets it flow freely, and it carries in his voice when he finds his words:

“You want me to stay because I’m family. Because I am your brother, like you said.”

Dean snorts at that, and buries his face in his hands with a smile. “God, I really am a fucking idiot.” He brings his hands up to hold Castiel’s face, steadily keeps him in place while his eyes burn with fierce openness. “No, Cas, you’re not my brother. It’s always different with you.”

And if Castiel needed any clarification, he can’t ask for it, because Dean seals all his meaning with his lips, kisses his I love yous loud and clear, pushes them deep inside Castiel, makes him feel even fuller and ready to burst. So Castiel unloads all his love into Dean in return, his kisses answering as vehemently as Dean needs to hear it. And this wordless conversation, it is the most truthful and clear they have ever had.

In the silence that follows, one so full of light and warmth that even The Empty can’t steal it away from them, Dean starts yawning in his contentment, burrowing his face into Castiel’s neck. “I got a feeling that sleeping here is the worst idea ever—feels kind of eternal. But we’ve been here forever, man. I dunno if I can keep awake much longer.”

Castiel can feel Dean’s heartbeat under his arm, a pulsating flame that reaches out to him, strong as ever. “Go to sleep, Dean, I’ll watch over you. I’ll make sure you wake up.”

So Dean smiles at him, moves to settle down between Castiel’s legs with his back against his chest, kisses his jaw, and goes to sleep in the protective home of Castiel’s arms, holding him, keeping him safe from The Empty’s pull.

That’s how Jack finds them a timeless amount of time later.

[deansawthetvglow]

my thoughts rn are so loud im so sleeby just want someone to hold me and make everything peaceful just thinking about the contact and their breath and being able to drift off with a smile on my lips and being so warm

[pervorsitas-a]

//og my god yall im sucj a lightweihjt please help me

[seekingxanadu]

[kokocharm]

Whats lifeloop. Are they gay

They are indeed dear anon. In fact, theyre so gay they repeatedly kill each other in cold blood over and over and over like the romantic losers they are

In this AU, Madeleine is partially a cake hound because i LOVR that hc !!! The hc ever ^_^ however society doesnt like cake hounds . So Maddi hides it, even from his boyfriend (they dont know theyre boyfriends yet cus rheyre stupid)

However one day someone finds out his secret and does the most rational thing .Try to assassinate one of the strongest fuckers in the republic aeven though theyre in parfaedia at the moment

So since madeleine is a big dumb dumb he somehow ends up in an alleyway and the assassins like DumbassLol and tries to kill him. Assassin (still dunno who it is, if they get an identity) fails and is killed in return, but maddeleine is secretly a huge fucking softy and is like OH YM GOD I JUST.KILLED A MAN HOLY FUCK GODS GONNA GET MAD AT ME!!!!! AHHH AGGHHTHHH!!!!!!

In his freaking out he doesnt nyoice hes bleeding out but he probably wpuldnt either way so its a good thing plot convienece is a thing because Espresso is right around the corner and is just "Woah what the Fuck"

Of course he finds out madeleines secret. And doesnt give two rats asses about ot hes just like Ok lol but you are DYING MADELEINE WHAT THE FICK

So, knowing no one would be able to arrive in time, Espresso does a goofy magic thing, and suspends Madeleines life by trapping him in his mind, slowing down his entire functioning system which would save him long enough until the cops arrived or something lame (dont take my word for this i am not a doctor)

and, being a romantic dumbass in denial, espresso also puts himself under the spell bevause Hey why the FUCK NOT

This spell conjoins both of their minds. Rheyre now trapped in a fictional world together in their head, which follows one simple storyline: Person A sees Person B kill someone, so Person A kills Person B. Person B sees Person A kill someone, so Person B kills Person A.

It is a cycle of them seeing them kill each other, but having no idea who exactly they are killing.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

wait are requests still open im confused bout that and if they are open could you like do a scenario of like anything as long as it includes Mimic or Rappa suffering in some form (I dunno i just want them to suffer)

Just why? Rappa I can understand, but mimic as well? What did the poor dude did?

"I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD THIS IS THE LAST TIME WHERE I-"

"ShUT ThE HeLL Up PUNK anD Run For YouR MiSeRabLe LiFe!"

You flinched at hearing both mens shouts while shaking your head a bit.

You didn't had to be a genius to know that sometimes Rappa and Mimic screwed up a bit. Mimic was one of the two mens that your boyfriend trusted, yet he managed to slip a bit sometimes. Normal, he is human after all, but yet Chisaki was by far a merciful man. So any mistakes that he did were taken seriously.

Whille Rappa? You really needed to explain? Ever time that your boyfriend was fed up with precepts shit, that man was the most he spoke about. Kendo did almost everthing on purpose, irritating Overhaul just as a excuse to have another match with Chisaki.

Honestly? At first you had pity on him, but when he interrupted you and Chisaki once in your guys, ahem, little spare time together you just threw that feeling of empathy to the air... almost. Cmon, dying is already painful imagine more than five times in a roll.

Although... lately some precepts had started to do something that even if you liked to help, put you on a very uncomfortable situation ever since Dedoiro did it.

"THERE YOU FUCKING ARE!" Rappa shouted in almost relief as soon as he turned on a hall and spotted you, Mimic's eyes wide open.

"Eh?" Both of the men came almost in one blink of an eye to you.

"LISTEN WE DID SHIT AND OVERJERK IS HELLA PISSED AT US!" he grabbed onto your shoulders and shook you a bit, making you even dizzy.

"He IS FuckIng PiSSeD At ME BeCauSe YoU WerE The OnE SpeaKing ShiT ClosE To Me YoU sOn Of A-"

"Anyway." Rappa shaked you kore violently after that "FUCKING HELPS US (Y/N)!"

"StOp ShAkiNg OvErHauL's PaRtNEr YoU FuCkiNG IDioT!"

The man stopped his actions abruptly as your vision was almost dizzy, and you swore you were almost seing stars in front of you due to Rappa's violently shaking.

"Alright.." you placed your hand on your head with a grunt before blinking a couple of times, finally focusing on Mimic and Kendo "What did you two did?"

"HE fUcKinG DiD It!" Irinaka shouted in offense and disgust as Rappa shouted back at him to shut up.

"Listen. Just hide us, hell. Ficking talk to him cause he is-"

You yelped when the ground suddenly cracked and pressed both of them on the walls as a very psychotic Chisaki walked slowly towards the three of you.

"Get behind angel. Is going to become pretty dirty with trash around here." He said nonchantly, but his eyes shined the word 'murder' on those golden orbs.

"Woah woah woah!" You got in front of him with a worried expression "Love, I know you must be really angry right now-"

"Angry?" He asked almost too calm for your liking "No dearest, I'm not angry." He crouched down and touched again with his bare hand at the ground, making a spike of wood to appear and pierce right on Rappa's shoulder.

"I am infuriated." He said blantly as his wide open golden eyes glared at Rappa.

"Kai!" You shriek and kneeled in front of him to urge him up again "Heavens, why all of this?! Calm down!"

He glared at you before returning his gaze at both man pressed against the wall.

"You came asking for help. Didn't you two good for nothing?"

"So. Since (Y/n) is mostly the only one who can calm you down the- FUCK OKAY I GET IT!" Irinaka yelled at feeling the air of his lungs almost dissapear at how he was pressed even more between both concrete and wood.

"Kai..." you cooed worriedly as he scoffed "If thsi is about bussines give them a break... is not always that-"

"If this was about the yakusa I would have done much faster. But no. That thug said something that I want him to suffer before the darkness envelops his fucking trash of a soul." He said coldly, staring right on Rappa's face again

"And what does Mimic have to do with that?!"

Chisaki turned to you with a blank expression as he muttered 'he laughed'; making you deadpan right after it.

"What did you said this time?" You sighed at Rappa as he made a certain straggled yet fucked up sound as Mimic glared daggers at him with his wide eyes.

"Care me to say it?" Chisaki growled as he put more force on his quirk "That son of a bitch made comments about your appearance like I didn't even existed and dared to question on 'why the hell is such a hottie doing with the germophobic freak'." He lowered his voice even more and you looked at Rappa with a arched eyebrow.

"Seriously?" You asked in disbelief as both man rolled their eyes before you sighed and patted Chisaki's shoulder gently before kissing his ear "Have fun."

"Much." He mumbled back before his soft eyes only for you dissapeared and were replaced with his usual cold and pysothic ones.

"FucKing TrAitOr!"

You sighed while closing the door, muffling your ears with your hands at the shouts and the sounds of popping while you walked away.

You spotted Tengai and he seemed concerned about your expression, even asking you and offering his assistance.

"Thank you Tengai-san. But is nothing, really."

"If you say so...." you smiled flustered at how he bowed in respect to you before you did the same.

Right on time Chisaki blasted the door open, hives all over his face and forearms as he scrubbed furiously. Marching over you and grabbing your forearm, dragging you with him.

Tengai arched one eyebrow at the scene before he saw both Mimic and Rappa getting out with terrified expressions and he immediately put the pieces together.

"You two really need to stop speaking about master. On his house no less."

"We need a fucking break that's what we all need. A break from Overhaul sounds like-" and Rappa was punched by Mimic again, starting another discussion as Tengai could only sigh.

[upset-hufflepuff]

Diego: [Sibling's name] is so fucking stupid and useless and I hate them I hope they die

Someone: Yeah, that's right! They're dumb!

Diego, whipping out three knives: WOAH HEY HOLD ON SHUT TBE FICK UDP BKTCH

[obsto]

yo what the fick woah holy hlvrai discord??

i am advertising my hlvrai server again :flushed:

invite link: https://discord.gg/7qP8PqZ

its a server with about 50+ members in it and we are FRIENDLY

there’s reactable roles, dumb bots, MARIO, helpful bots,  the bot we only use to see how old your account is, other thingss.

i personally think it’s a great discord but idk tbh im the owner

rova if you see this you are co-owner bro you already know this im just reminding you

join if you’d like :] i’m bad at advertising this thing

and the channels have funny names

[tryingtounderstandbrainheart]

"Positivt"

Det började som ett sms som dök upp hos mig när jag va i Danmark. P frågade då om vi skulle gå på nån klassisk konsertgrej ihop. Jag var så obekväm i Köpenhamn att hans sms made my day. Jäjj :) Han ville spendera mer tid med mig, mitt ego bara...:)

Eftersom det var på kvällen så gick hela dagen till att mest vänta och halvsova för jag va skittrött. (sovit som en retarderad hamster i vanlig ordning). Bussen som jag skulle åka med kom aldrig så jag fick ta en annan och gå av på okänt ställe och mest leta mig rätt. "Ah, det är nog lugnt". Aka jag gick lite vilse. Väl framme var det ett folkhav och jag ba...var sjutton kan han vara? Då ställer han sig upp som en sån där som vinkar in flygplan och flaxade, haha. Skitbra.

Jag var svettig, nervös och allmänt ...ja deHÄR är inte min scen. Men han var lugn och snäll så jag lugnade mig väl lite...vi försökte prata men det var sånt sorl att det var svårt.

Sen började de spela. Första låten kände jag faktiskt igen. Jaba näää det äju den Här! Typ en av de 10 låtarna jag känner till :D. Nästa var Blumine med Mahler. Den hade riktigt vackra delar. Sådär att jag bara blundade och njöt. I get this. 100 mil från punk. En sofistikerad värld av renhet. Lite smärtsamt ibland. Sen va det nån Strauss jag inte greppade, kanske lite kul osen efter den stängde jag tydligen av. DÅ kom nån heartwrenching grej tydligen. Då va jag i lala land. Det började droppa lite och bli kallt. Jag lånade ut lite filt som jag var himla glad att jag tog med.

Det gick fort och plötsligt va det över. Jo! En fågel crappade på min luvtröja. Av alla ställen liksom! Ska tydligen betyda tur :)

Det började regna och vi stod kvar lite efter sådär hm...jag tror vi båda kände lite...let's... continue? Han sa att han kunde visa mig pilgrimsparken och jag tyckte ja men visst. I regnet. Så där gick vi. I början gick det rätt ok. Men jag var obekväm och det blev stunder då vi bara gick och inte sa nåt. CriNge. Tyckte tydligen inte han. Men det lossnade när jag slutade bry mig så mycket. Whatever liksom.

Nånstans då kom vi in på hans barndom. Jag hade ju sagt att han kunde öppna sig för mig och jag kunde hobbypsykologa eftersom han inte får nån fucking hjälp. And the horroshow began. It was...dark. Jag lyssnade och gav min tolkning och råd.

Vi bara pratade och märkte inte ens att vi hade lämnat parken och hade vandrat ut i stan. Vi sa nåt om det men sen tyckte vi båda äh, let's continue. So we did. Vi gick och pratade och hamnade i en ny park och till sist frågade han om vi skulle gå till ribban. Jag ba oj! är vi där?! Så vi gick dit. Nånstans där ville han inte gå i sanden och få in sand i skorna och det ihop med att han sa nåt med att han brukade gå barfota där ledde till att jag ba äh, jag tar av mig skorna och går i strumbyxor, vilket han kommenterade om nåt att går inte de sönder då? Jag sa att det va lugnt. Han stod och funderade i sann P anda om hur han skulle göra. "Man kan ju ta av sig skorna". Jag sa nåt i stil med det är väl bara att göra? Och vips gick vi omkring barfota i skymningen.

Det var blött av regnet och det blev fort kallt och geggigt, varpå jag tyckte hm...hur bra vade här då. Men vi gick där och babblade vidare om allt och ingenting och det glömdes bort. Jag frågade vad han verkligen saknat när han växte upp, då det ger en indikation vad man kommer söka (woah skrev sakna först, freudian! kanske är det som sakna ger- söka) här i livet. Han sa att det han verkligen saknat är kärlek. Mitt hjärta dog lite. Han hittade en liten söt röd ros på marken och gav till mig, vilket var fint (men nån mikrodel av mig reagerade lite som hm.. inga andra saker nu bara).

Stämningen gick från väldigt mörk och emotionellt stark till mer lekfull och vi hamnade i nåt himla ställe med nyklippta växtgrejer som gjorde rätt ont att gå på. Det blandat med tistlar, grus och allmänt helvette var intressant att gå barfota på :). Sen där nånstans lyckades jag trampa på en humla som brände skiten ur min fot och jag började må illa. Jag fick lite panik och trodde att jag skulle behöva åka ner. Jag började ojja mig och sa det till honom så vi stannade upp och nånstans där så frågade han nåt om jag typ var hypokondrisk, varpå jag sa ja jo det är jag ju. Då sa han typ då är det nog därför du mår illa. Sen fortsatte vi gå. Det brände men det gav sig. Jag dog inte och fokus blev på annat.

Jag märkte det knappt men plötsligt var det mörkt. Vi gick förbi en toa och han behövde gå men det var stängt. Men av nån anledning så var toagubben Precis där och öppnade åt oss. Först var det bäcksvart och dörren åkte igen med en smäll jag tyckte eh...nej? men han tände och när jag skulle sträcka mig efter pappret så fanns det inget. Oooh ..great. Men sen ploppade han dit en ny rulle som om han läste mina tankar. Efter det drack vi från nån kran på sidan av huset och man fick dricka upponer och direkt så satte jag vattnet i halsen men sen fick jag kläm på det. Det va kuligt :)

Vi vandrade vidare på gräset tills vi plötsligt kom fram till en lång väg som kändes som ett vägskäl. Var...ska vi nu? Han tystande då och sa att klockan var ganska mycket. Hon va nog närmare 23. Jag som typ inte har gränser var ändå väldigt tacksam för att han då bestämde att det fick räcka och han följde mig till bussen. Geggiga kalla fötter som fick åka ner i skorna igen.

Sen när vi stod och väntade där på bussen så upplevde jag...jag vet inte men Då vart det weird och cringe, iaf vad jag tyckte. När jag då frågade vad han tyckte om dagen sa han...."hm...positivt", varpå jag tyckte positivt?! Han skrattade och tyckte att jaha räcker inte det? :) Jamen typ trevligt och berikande. Det tyckte jag var mycket bättre och vart nöjd. Jag höll med, berikande kändes det som. Han kramade om mig och sen puttade han mig mot bussen och jag pös hem.

Nu såhär i efterhand så låter det som det skulle kunna varit himla romantiskt att efter en klassisk konsert vandra över hela staden gå barfota längs stranden i skymningen, få en röd ros och leken och whatnot. Men jag vet inte, det kändes inte så. Det var väldigt trivsamt att vara med honom och vi funkar men det var aldrig så att jag kände datevibbar. Kaaanske att det kom några sånna vid bussen jag vet inte. Men det hade jag inte gått med på.

Men det var en riktigt mysig dag och jag älskar att den kändes så ...levande? Nånstans där i alltet så frågade han vad jag drömde om och jag sa typ först lite sådär kitesurfing och lite sånna där standardgrejer men sen så pausade jag lite och sa att det jag verkligen vill ha är nog liksom äventyr och känna mig levande. Han sa nåt i stil med att han höll med. Och honestly det är det jag söker. I want real good memories och inte mer mellanmjölks meh. Den dagen var inte mellanmjölk. Den var full av känslor allt från really lowest low till high. Leave it till en kräftdude att ge den berg o dalbanan. Men det är lustigt, för jag känner igen mig i vissa grejer med honom.

-

Jag uppskattar verkligen mycket saker som sker omkring mig nu. Att det gick så rackarns bra på kubb idag tex. Who knew liksom? :D Det va riktigt kul när jag bara slappnade av istället för att tänka och försöka, och jäklar...då blev det tydligen så att jag ägde lite, haha. Mr jag spelar med andra för jag gillar och vinna blev lite muttrig märkte jag. Jag kanske skulle va med men liksom inte vinna sådär. :) Oh well, jag tog för mig och jag hade kul.

Resan vandrar vidare. T sa nu ikväll att han var stolt över mig och att jag kommit långt. Mycket har hänt men jag vill att Mycket mer ska hända. Jag hörde Lambada låten idag där borta och det bara sa PANG! i mig och jag kom ihåg alla tankar som fanns i mig som 17 åring och hur jag på nåt sätt tyckte att den dansen symboliserade det jag ville ha ut av livet. Den gav mig en tankeställare, som om den var där och påminde mig.

Jag känner väl till syvende och sist att mitt liv är ju...MITT. Det är mina minnen jag skapar nu och de besluten jag tar en efter en formar min identitet.

Men ja...MER :)