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rainybraindays · 8 months ago

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Seeing people call book Colin abusive and being like "he had no reason to be so mad about Whistledown )):" and like...yeah he kinda did?

Whistledown may notbe as bad in the books but she is in everyones business still, shes spreading gossip, and people do have a desire to find her. Hes afraid of what happens when they do. Because hes right, Cressida, to most people is the more pleasing option because shes popular but not liked and conventionally attractive and people will more easily shrug it off. They'll still be mad but they'll consider it par for the course with her and move on. Some may not even believe her, like Lady Danbury but if no one else comes forward they've no reason to think otherwise.

Penelope, short, chubby, unimportant to most everyone Penelope? That will piss them off. She doesn't have the social capital to keep herself from being ostracized, people will be pissed this person they look down on, a spinster, someone who never even talks, had such control over their lives.

Colins worried, he says it himself, about this, about he risks shes been taking for over a decade. Hes jealous she's found something thats her and he feels like he hasn't done the sames. Hes mad hes been lied to, feels like hes been made fun of with his Eloise theory, but most of all hes in love and hes frightened by the prospect of what could have happened to her. By what still could happen to her if she was found out.

The other scene also often quoted as Colin being abusive is him grabbing her arm at their engagement ball.

Do you remember what happened in that scene?

An issue of Whistledown is distributed midball, the one that ends up giving Cressida enough to blackmail her mind you, the one Colin had asked her not to publish and thought she had agreed not to. Penelopes inner dialog tells us this wasn't planned. She'd planned it for a different ball, so she can enjoy hers, she knows Colins going to be mad, and I bet you she doesn't want to argue on their happy day. Colin grabbing her, while done in anger, has always read to me less as some rage fueled behavior with no thought, but as a way to keep her from trying to sip away. He knows she doesn’t wana have this argument again. He likely doesn't even want to have this argument, but he knows they have to.

People often view this scenes as Colin being physically aggressive and this unbelievabley abusive person. They look at this, and have been yowling about how he treats her so unfairly. This fandon is horrible about not looking at the entire scene. The carriage scene has them arguing, Penelope bites back at him just as much as he snaps at her. Their engament ball fight leads to their first night together. This is them seeing each other at their worst. And in the end they still choose wach other

His anger isn't entirely jealous like some try to paint it. Theres genuine worry, hes afraid for her he says so himself. People keep saying how Penelope is afraid of him but shes not thats made clear several times. She's more afraid of them arguing because she thinks that it'll be enough to make him not choose her.

These arguments are necessary. They help Colin see her as a whole person, it helps him solidify that his feelings are as deep as he thinks. It helps Penelope see him as a whole person as well not just the man shes been crushing on her whole life, which she mentions in the book. It shows that they can get through the big issues in their relationship without falling apart.

And remember Cressida blackmails Penelope. Very much one of the things Colin was afraid of. The only reason he can do the big reveal is because its after they're married, and he tells Anthony and Simon whats happening beforehand. She has far more social capital as a Bridgerton wife than she ever did as a Featherington daughter

Should Colin have grabbed her? Maybe not, but I don't think thats enough to label him as an abusive asshole unworthy of love. You don’t always make the best decision, but one slip, especially one so minor as grabbing your partner so they can't slip away before you get to talk to them about a issue you know they won't like talking about, does not make you horribly abusive like some of you suggest.

And another related side note, a huge thing i see ALL the time, is how Colin's anger comes out of nowhere.

"ooooh in the other books colin doesn't have an angry bone in his body, hes so nice and relaxed, how could Quinn write him as such an ass in his own."

A temper not often showing is not the same as it not existing. When he says he wouldn't marry Penelope in the books? Very much an angry scene. Hes being teased after having her pushed on him by his mother, and hes tired of it and snaps aggressively to make it stop. Colin has always had a temper, it just wasn't nearly as important to the other books thus not explored. I know he says in the book how he doesn't think he has one, but we also tend to push away traits we view as negative when thinking on ourselves.

Anyway, please remember that Show Colin is going to have the worst reaction to the Whistledown reveal, as said by the cast themselves, and I'm kinda living for it.

#rainy talks #sorry on my soapbox again #i think I may marry the thing at this point #but seriously if you look at this and call it abusive #but then gush about Anthony who's a massive dick his entire book with some troubling moments #or Benedict “I'm going to find a more acceptable wife but until them pls let me fuck you” Bridgerton who's more than a little pushy #i don’t rlly take you seriously #bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #lady whistledown #polin

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ca-suffit · 5 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/nalyra-dreaming/754340743623180288/hi-i-hope-you-are-doing-well-there-is-one-thing thoughts?

I think this is a 50 year old who is uncomfortable talking about race and so uses every excuse not to do it, along with the rest of them. She's been linked to a user here who v loudly believes in reverse racism (and is still complaining about the show's treatment of lestat rn) so it's not surprising either. [someone asked me about Virginia's post the other day too so here is the response to that as well]

I think nobody considers that a young, black actress might not want the whole weight of a question like that put on her early in her career, when she could be called "a problem" if she doesn't do PR well. Have they asked any of the white cast about this? Why don't they?

Watching this show and saying vampires don't care about race, especially after seeing the trial scenes, is rly a choice. As I've said many times before, the slavery / lynching aspects of the trial were no accident. Those details are not from the books. Ppl are getting confused bcuz Madeleine's presence there doesn't make sense to them, as if everyone on trial has to be black in order for this to "work." White ppl who side too much with black ppl have a long history of being killed too. Madeleine was the only one of them given a choice for "redemption" and Santiago prbly had her "sedated" so much to give her extra protection beforehand. If she keeps quiet and looks dazed then she looks like another innocent, white victim to the "aggressive" black pursuer.

The vampires notice race just like we do and it's fucking lazy and racist to see these things and run to accounts u know will tell u it's ok to ignore. label this "fandom wank" and say "don't listen to the meanies, racism isn't real." Calling this a story about monsters and saying morality doesn't matter is the logic of a 12 year old child who wishes to remain a child forever. Who are u bragging to? Where is ur pride coming from? Never examining things from other perspectives? Do u think that's maturity?

I was gonna get more into the part about Lestat fans and accusations of racism and supporting domestic abuse but that's a whole post by itself.

This side of the fandom never talks about anything. I know this show is about vampires too but I can talk about the differences in what kind of vampires they are, what the commentary behind their actions is, how race affects these things. These other accounts have more engagement bcuz they don't require people to think about anything. It's all stroking ppl's egos about "see, I knew I was right!" It's easy to be racist and ignorant, that's how most societies raise everyone bcuz how could white supremacy and capitalism exist without that?

Case in fucking point.

I don't personally know Assad, but I can still assure u that he is not "ok" about the skin lightening. Taking selfies next to a prop bcuz they found something to resemble u enough for the story does not mean he's ok with whitewashing. This is a really big, racist leap to take.

#asks #interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #amc iwtv #iwtv 2022 #fandom racism #nalyra-dreaming

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imptwins · 10 months ago

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The thing is right, even before I was fully into dark kink (or 'proship' if you wanna call it that) I still wrote things with problematic undertones. Everyone does. Even the most wholesome media properties have dark themes. Steven Universe has characters - protagonists, mind - using, manipulating, lying to each other. She-Ra, Gravity Falls, The Owl House, all the most celebrated modern 'cartoons that appeal to adults' kinda shows have this kind of stuff in them, not to even mention anime and plain ole live action shows/movies. But before, I masked it. I had characters do things that were out of character for them to avoid something that would actually fall under a category or - much worse - I portrayed things that technically were in that category but just told myself I was skirting the line enough that it wouldn't actually fall into it. Most properties do this. You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who deals in mature themes - let alone outright porn - who hasn't ever depicted something that would most likely, without a 'headcanon' that there were negotiations beforehand, fall under a category of (sexual/)abuse, (sexual/)harassment, or simply rape. I've mentioned those tropes more than enough; a spur of the moment touch or kiss that one character is shocked about at first but realizes they like, mild blackmail, nagging, or duress played off as banter, the ever-popular Sleeping Beauty moments. Again, Steven Universe frequently depicts domestic abuse even from protagonists. I use SU as an example of this a lot because it was there for my whole 'arc' for problematic content; first being blind to it, then realizing the themes were there and feeling really conflicted and confronted, and then coming to appreciate that the show dealt with them in mature and realistic ways, that showed flawed people who made mistakes and weren't demonized for it, but were given the chance to learn and grow. Like I shouldn't have to point out how bad Pearl can be sometimes. A really big moment for me was when a close friend wound up triggered from one of my works, because they correctly pointed out that the consent in it was dubious at best. I wound up adding a dubcon CW, but I felt awful about it. Both because I'd hurt a friend and because that was what I'd written, without even really meaning to. It wasn't that I didn't understand consent, I knew that I was skirting the line when I wrote it. But I was so afraid of the tag, of the label. And as a result not only did I upset a friend, I also wrote something that wasn't as good as I could have. I shied away from it, when if I had have just embraced from the start that I was writing dubcon and actually leaned into it, there would've been more interesting and mature themes that I could have explored. Instead I tried to never quite cross the line, and it upset someone anyway. It should have been tagged from the start. But only ONE PERSON out of the like 30 people who read it took issue, because it personally triggered them. To be totally honest, I could have just ignored them, said 'one out of thirty must mean they're over-sensitive,' and went on with my day. I think this is what leads to SO MUCH mainstream work that has this kind of stuff in it. Someone doing something that by all rights qualifies as sexual assault, but just isn't tagged. Because people WILL just let them get away with doing it as long as they have some plausible deniability room that it wasn't really noncon or blackmail or abuse. But if they put the tag on? Now, people will simply call them a [accusation] without even really looking through their work. Those people probably wouldn't have ever been interested in the first place, but tagging it makes you a target. So, good job antis, you've created an atmosphere where people would rather not tag something and pretend it's not as dark as it is, or bypass tags, than just use them. Because you'll doxx and threaten people who conscientiously tag, and ignore works that straight up depict domestic abuse as long as it's coy about it, and pretend that's not what it is.

#proship #antiship #discourse #rant

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after-witch · 4 years ago

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Baby Mine [Yandere Overhaul x Reader]

Title: Baby Mine [Yandere Overhaul x Reader]

Synopsis: The first time you laid eyes on your child, you knew: You had to get out. Set in the ‘White Picket Fence’-verse.

For request: Something with Overhaul + the reader’s children and manipulation (I’m sorry I accidentally deleted the original message so I don’t remember the exacting wording!)

Word Count: 3328

notes: yandere, stockholm syndrome, abuse

From the instant you laid eyes on your daughter, the moment your gaze took in her fresh, wet skin and her small, blinking, uncomprehending eyes, you knew: you had to get the fuck away from Chisaki Kai.

The realization was instant, like a flash, peeling away years of manipulation and training and forced self-acceptance of your situation. Years of justifications and excuses that had wormed their way under your skin, forcing you to see the bright side, to see his side, and let yourself get wrapped up in its candy-coated, fluffy cotton bullshit--gone, ripped away with brutal, exacting force. All that was left was the stark realization, a single driving force shoving you forward: you and your daughter were going to get out.

That was four years ago.

Four years of agonizing pretending. Of forcing yourself to put back on the coat you'd worn before, the false version of yourself that loved him and accepted him and excused everything he ever did to you. It was hard. It was harder to pretend that you accepted this than to actually accept it, to indulge in his control. But every time your resolve weakened, it only took a glance at your child to remind you of why you couldn't just give in.

You had to get out, not for yourself, but for her. To give her a normal life. A life where she could be free, where she could have friends, where she could run outside and not be limited to the house or, if the weather was nice, the secure, high-fenced backyard that Kai had only built within the last year.

Four years of pretending. Four years of planning. And, most difficult of all, four years of waiting. Trust was not easily given by Chisaki Kai, even to the mother of his child.

So you waited.

You waited for Kai to move you two--no, three now--into a house, a real house; not in a populated suburb (another broken promise that you swallowed deep, deep down) but an offshoot of some protected compound in a remote area, where it could be secure and guarded. But what mattered is that its doors connected to the outside, not to some unknown underground bunker. You could manage, if you were connected to the outside.

You waited for Kai to ease up on the restrictions that built up around you during your pregnancy, rules to keep you under a far more watchful eye, rules that made it harder to find a way out. Inches of trust, gradually earned, which made it possible for you to think concretely about escape.

You waited for your daughter to get old enough to run, old enough to survive without needing to be fed every few hours, old enough to know how to stay quiet when told. Watching her grow up only made you want to leave, more. She had a personality now. Stubborn but accepting when she knew she wouldn’t win; sweet in her own way, an unusual way, likely one that came from a lack of interaction with anyone but her parents and a handful of trusted Shie Hassaikai members.

It was one of those trusted members--you never have learned their name, a secret Kai (nor they) were willing to give--that would be your key to escape.

They loved your daughter, too, in time. They were drawn in by her precociousness, her insistence on formalities and pleases and thank-yous. But it was her bubbliness and inherent interest in the world and people around her that made them decide to love her, too.Her big eyes and bubbling laugh when you two were allowed in the yard, sometimes under this member’s supervision.

To your daughter’s delight, they didn’t simply watch you like the handful of others did; they joined in the fun. Just a few weeks ago, she’d convinced him to push her so high on the swing set that she’d gone all the way around--even your heart briefly froze until she’d emerged on the other side, cackling with delight, safe and sound.

They were loyal to Overhaul. Of that there was no doubt. Had they killed for him? Maimed? Tortured? You tried not to think about the things that were done in Overhaul’s name.

Yet they’d betrayed him, all for the sake of your daughter. Part of you feels bitter that they wouldn’t betray him for the sake of you--but then, what was that saying? Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

It was with their help that you were finally able to secure that last necessary piece of the puzzle for your escape: getting out of the secured, monitored gate surrounding the house unnoticed. He told you in hushed, intense tones that he would be on watch duty the night of your escape, that he would take care of the other member assigned that night, and that all you had to do was get out the door at the agreed time with your bag, your daughter, and a good pair of walking shoes. He would drive you as far as he could, and then you two would run, run, run after that.

It was going to work. Your daughter was going to live her life, a real life, not one carefully constructed in captivity. What would you do first, once you were free? The thoughts sometimes made you so giddy that you pinched yourself to calm down. So close, so close to the finish line, and you must be vigilant.

Tonight. You and your daughter are going to leave tonight.

Your daughter is in her bed, tucked in safe and secure. Her eyes are already closed, and Kai is sitting at the edge of the mattress, as always, smoothing down her hair and pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. You watch from the doorway with your arms casually crossed, a small, tired, end-of-the-night smile on your lips. It's all so normal, so domestic, isn't it.

"Good night," he says, so soft and sweet that, if you hadn't been pulled out of your deluded coping mechanism, you might find it endearing. Instead, your thoughts scream: This will be the last time you ever see her, you fucked up piece of shit bastard. Oh, do you have a potty mouth when your 'husband' can't hear you...

He leaves your daughter to her dreams and clicks off the little lamp on her nightstand. When he crosses the doorway, you make room and he lets you slide your arm around his, linking yourselves together for the walk to your shared bedroom.

"Tired?" He asks, and you nod. You are tired. Not for the reasons he thinks, and not for the reasons you'll give, but the telltale darkness under your eyes belies the stress of planning your escape from a years-long ordeal.

You sigh, as soft and sweet as his voice was earlier. "Mmhmm. She didn't want to focus on her lessons today. I got a bit frustrated. Sometimes I don't think I'm cut out to be a teacher." By now you're in your bedroom and you casually take off your day clothes, dropping them in the labeled hamper in front of the closet. Your stomach twinges with the memory of how he used to look away when you took off your clothes.

But that was long ago, and now he continues the conversation casually as the pair of you strip and change into your respective pajamas. You slip a pink nightie with ruffled bottom over your head as he

"You just need more practice. Are you reading the lesson books before you start class?"

I wouldn't have to read any lesson books if you let her out of this house, if you let her out of school, if you weren't--you stop your thoughts, afraid that they might show on your face. Afraid that you might lose everything at this last, crucial moment.

But you know you look frustrated, so you roll with it. "Yes," you say, voice just the right amount of annoyed in retort. "But if she doesn't want to sit down and focus, me reading the lesson beforehand isn't really going to help, is it?"

He stares at you, and you wonder in a flash if you went too far. But in the next moment, he's simply continuing to button up his shirt. "Is it going to help our daughter learn if you take out your bad day on your husband?" His voice is dripping with the natural condescension that once had you questioning whether or not it was okay to be upset that he'd kidnapped you, and you hate it. But at least it's a sign that he bought your excuses.

You feel a warm flush of shame at the way his condescension still makes you feel less-than. You slide yourself into bed, under the covers, instinctively grabbing the book on your end table and staring down into it like you could simply disappear inside the pages. You can't mess up anything right now. The weight of what you need to do tonight feels so heavy and you can't stop your hands from trembling slightly.

"Sorry," you whisper, voice thick with emotion. "It's just hard sometimes. I feel in over my head."

It's Kai's turn to slide under the covers, though he doesn't bother grabbing his own book. Instead he gently pushes on your hands until you set the book on the covers. You know he wants you to look at him, so you do. He looks so gentle, so calm. Did he kill anyone today? Did he insult some hapless victim who crossed his organization, spewing venom with his words, before kissing your daughter goodnight hours later?

His gloved hands tip your chin up and it's a familiar feeling, an intimate feeling, when he pulls you in for a kiss. When he pulls away, he's smiling softly, indulgently. You aren't in trouble. You're good.

"I'll come home for lessons tomorrow and see what I can do. Would you like that?"

I'd like you to drop dead and make this easier on us, you think.

"Yes, Kai."

You smile. You nod. You let out a shaky sigh and lean your shoulders against his, picking up your book and signaling an end to the crisis. He lets you read quietly for a while before turning off the lamp on his side of the bed; it's a wordless signal that you already know: time to sleep. You're a dutiful wife and you put your book away and turn off your lamp and then turn back to your husband and whisper,

"Good night, Kai."

You wait until he's deep asleep to ease your way out of the bed. Every step you take in your padded socks makes you cringe. Will the floor creak? Will you make too much noise? Will you have to come up with a half-assed excuse as he comes to, groggily asking what you're doing? You feel like you can't breathe, but you do breathe, soft and shallow as you make your way to the bedroom door.

You didn't dare keep anything related to your escape in your shared bedroom. The door feels like it weighs a thousand pounds as you ever-so-slowly open it, keeping your head turned towards the man sleeping on the bed all the while. He doesn't stir. He simply continues to snore, even as the door opens enough for you to slip out.

Your heart is pounding in your chest as you cross the hallway and into the spare room that you used as a playroom and, lately, a makeshift school. The bag you packed is in the closet, tucked behind bags of school supplies that you'd asked Kai to pick up in order to make sure that your escape bag didn't stand out. You grab it swiftly, along with your daughter's outdoor shoes, and make your way to the most dangerous element of your escape: your daughter's room.

She did so well. You remind yourself to praise her once you're away from the house, once you're in a car and making noise isn't a life or death dilemma. You built up the idea of your escape bit by bit over the past few weeks. You couldn't tell her that her father was a monster who kidnapped you, but you could prey on her desire to see more, to go beyond the rules established in her father's domain.

Don't you want to meet other kids? Go to the beach, feel the sand underneath your feet? Meet... your grandma? We'll just take a secret trip, you and me, and then come back to Papa when we're done. Then he'll see that it's safe to leave and come with us next time. But you have to keep it a secret. You can't tell him a thing, or we won't be able to go. You can keep a secret, can't you?

You kneel next to your daughter's bed and gently wake her up, whispering her name and stroking her hair, so she slowly opens her eyes in confusion before her gaze lands on your face and ah, a smile--it's just mom.

"Mama?" She asks, a bit too loudly for your liking.

"Shh baby," you say. "Yes, it's mama. Are you ready to go?" You see the tentativeness, the childish confusion in the way she nods. She doesn't know what real life is yet, she doesn't have an inkling of the freedom that she's lost, but she will.

You don't bother changing. You have a pair of clothes in the bag and you'll change when you're in a safer space. For now, you take her hand and lead her down the staircase, your chest tightening with every step. You can't help but glance back at the still-open doorway leading to your bedroom. You pray to whatever is listening that he won't wake up. Each step is a step closer to freedom. Each step is a terrifying risk that you or she might slip, might make noise, might wake him up.

Your spirits lift when you reach the bottom of the stairs. All you have to do is get out the door and he'll be waiting there with the key and a getaway car and freedom.

You clutch your daughter's hand, your own palm now sweaty; you nearly trip on a toy you forgot to pick up earlier, but thankfully the light in the entryway was turned on (you must have forgotten to turn it off) and you see it just in time to avoid disaster. You squeeze your daughter hand and turn the corner that leads to the entryway of your home--

Where Chisaki Kai is standing, waiting for you, his eyes practically illuminated by the glowing lamp light.

You drop the bag.

"No," you say. "No." Your mind suddenly feels fuzzy, like its buzzing, drowning out all of your thoughts with a pure denial of what you see in front of you.

"How--how did you--" you sputter, unable to continue voicing your question. It was all planned. It was all practiced. You pretended, you waited, you planned--for four years. How? How did he know?

He doesn't have to answer. You know the moment that your daughter's grip slips out of your hand and she runs up to her father, feet thumping on the floor. She clings to his side and doesn't look at you, and he runs a hand through her hair without taking his eyes away from your shaking form.

Of course she told him. Of course she told her papa that you wanted to leave. She loved him. Why wouldn't she? It was all she'd ever known. You were breaking the rules, breaking the structure that dominated her life since she could remember.

"Please don't be mad at me, mama." Your daughter whimpers against Kai, and you can hear the tears in her little voice, and your heart aches for her in so many ways.

"I'm not," you whisper. "I'm not mad at you, baby." You're just sad, so sad. It hurts. All of it.

"Sweetheart," Kai says, voice surprisingly calm despite the events, "go back to bed while I help your mother unpack your things, all right?"

Your daughter nods and suddenly she's against you, hugging you in a tight, childish way; you only have enough energy to pull your arm around her, limp and heavy, patting her back without really feeling it before she scampers up the stairs.

You're left alone. With him.

He approaches you slowly and you feel like an animal. There's wildness hammering in your heart and the thought comes up, unwillingly: could you still run? Escape on your own? And hope that some day, your daughter escapes and finds you? But the thought of leaving her behind is impossible to indulge in for more than a second, and you know that without her, your life isn't worth living. The thought of abandoning her to Kai Chisaki brings up an immediate sense of revulsion and guilt and shame.

"What were you thinking?"

You aren't looking at him, but you don't have to be looking at him to know that he's glaring at you. Looking down on you with his gaze filled with righteous justifications. You glance and--yes, he is, but there's something darker, something you’d forgotten, underneath. Your stomach suddenly feels loaded with weights and your legs move backwards, pulling you away from him, away from the anger that feels like it's radiating off him in waves.

He suddenly grips your chin with brutal force and yanks your jaw forward, forcing you to look at him.

"I had to kill one of my most trusted men today because of your..." His eyes dart back and forth for a moment, before he spits out the apparently perfect description of your escape attempt. "Hysteria. An absolute waste of potential, all because of your ridiculousness."

Your mouth is dry. Your voice is hoarse. But you speak up, anyway. You've already lost everything.

"It's not ridiculous to want to get out of here."

The weight of the years seems to press down on your shoulders, pounding into your bones, screaming in your ears.

"It's not ridiculous to--to want to take my daughter away from the man who kidnapped me and forced me to pretend like I was happy here, like I was happy living in some--" you cough, needing moisture, but not daring to stop to swallow lest you lose your courage. "--glorified dollhouse while you tell me what to do and what to wear and how to act and when to fuck you and when to have a baby and fuck you, fuck you, just fuck you Kai. I hate you. Oh I fucking hate you."

You don't notice as your voice gets louder, emboldened by the adrenaline that's been crashing through you since you opened the bedroom door, until his hand is gripping your upper arm in a show of brute, vise-length strength.

"Lower. your. voice."

His grip strengthens until you cry out, and then it gradually loosens without letting you go completely.

For the next few moments, you do nothing but stare at one another. Your mind feels hazy, darting from thought to thought. It was all for nothing. The last four years, all for nothing. But you think about your daughter, about what she may have been able to accomplish outside of these walls, and even the fantasy of a free life for her made it worth something--didn't it?

It's his voice that lowered, now, as he lets you go completely and straightens himself up. All business now. But what business will he engage in, this time?

"Perhaps you do need a vacation," he says, finally. Firmly. He's made a decision.

You wonder if he's lost his mind and you're about to ask as much before he continues.

"Did you know this house has a secret room? It's nice and quiet. The perfect place for you to recuperate until you've regained your senses."

The room, the room, the room.

Your hand instinctively claps against your mouth as you cry out.

After all, you don't want to wake your daughter up with your screams.

#yandere overhaul #yandere chisaki kai #yandere x reader #overhaul x reader #afterwitch writes

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kamuisthoughts · 4 years ago

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The Actual Rant:

I’m going to begin by saying that I think the ABO dynamic is interesting.

That being said I’ve noticed some recurring and very disturbing themes that are attached to this type of AU, regardless of what fandom you’re reading in. It makes sense to me that a universe where people have secondary genders and are more susceptible to animalistic instincts would have different types of societal issues. This being the disturbing themes I mentioned. The disregard of rape, the gender oppression, the objectification of certain genders, and various forms of dysphoria.

Obviously these themes are extremely dark and unsettling, but what’s worse is how the people that take it upon themselves to write about these things romanticize these horrific issues. Using them as a tool to build a parallel world that would cause the reader to think or reflect on our own society is one thing. That’s what I would like to read. But instead I come across these ABO AUs and find authors downplaying these abominable problems, making it seem as if it’s okay to have these sorts of things happening.

If you tell me beforehand what you intend to do okay, I can just avoid that.

But anyway there’s a difference between building a world with dark elements like these and presenting it as something that is truly disgraceful, but many people in the world do not care or fear fighting against it, and creating a world where it’s obvious that the writer is fetishizing these elements. You can completely change the tone of something depending on how issues are presented, how the characters react to their circumstances.

I hate to see rape happen in a story. I honestly feel it’s the most unforgivable, egregious thing you could do to a person beside murdering them. It’s a form of torture, and I honestly believe this, so it turns my stomach to see people writing stories where characters go through this awful thing, sometimes repeatedly and it’s not accurately addressed. There’s rarely lasting trauma if any. They just kind of take it, they don’t fight, they might even accept it just because the character doing it to them is objectively attractive and that is nauseating to me.

I also hate to see kidnappings and forced marriages in this type of AU, where the author tells you the main character is a “BAMF” or “Strong” individual but this is never actually displayed. Not mentally which I often respect to see in characters and not even hinted at physically either. They’ll maybe have a sassy mouth but still won’t really do anything when their abuser is hurting them. And this is usually moot since the main character oftentimes just simpers for their alpha abuser in the end. They’ll either be too scared to continue to mouth off or be too enamored by the alpha’s physical appearance and scent.

I also noticed Stockholm Syndrome is really common in these stories as well, (should the author actually deign to touch upon the immense trauma rape would cause a person), despite how rare this condition is in reality. This I find maddening. Now, I understand sometimes reality is so painful that someone needs to escape it through delusion so that they can function somewhat coherently. But the fact that there are so many stories where a character is kidnapped, ripped from their life, forced to mate with someone who doesn’t respect them as a fellow human being, raped, forcefully impregnated, and then somehow still falls in love with their abuser is utterly repulsive.

And the thing that really upsets me is the fact that I deliberately exclude tags in my search that denote rape/non-con, underaged, and major character death yet still I come across stories where these things are mentioned. Are happening. They’ll be in the story but not in a story’s tags and just glossed over. I’m not sure if this is deliberate or if some of the writers just don’t understand the magnitude of the themes they’re pushing but regardless I find this unacceptable.

If someone says no and you stick your penis inside of them anyway, that is rape. If you lull them into a false sense of security due to pheromones after they’ve said no and have sex with them, that is rape. If they give up fighting because they know it’s hopeless it’s still rape. I don’t care how physically desirable you are, or how good you smell, or if you feel it’s your “right” to take the other person because you managed to pin them down and you’re stronger. They said no, and even if they didn’t say “no” they didn't say yes .

If someone didn’t say they accepted your advances, that is not dubious consent. That. Is. Rape . And women can be rapists too. Let’s stop pretending that’s not a thing and that it’s not just as bad no matter what gender the attacker is. Can we not try to sugarcoat the horrible things people are writing about and call it “dubious” so people can feel better about romanticizing sexual abuse and getting off on it? Because even if you don’t call a spade a spade it’s still a damn spade.

Now let’s talk about fetishes. I hate when male characters are forcefully feminized when they don’t want to be. Like seriously, a male omega in this type of ABO story could literally say, “I’m a man, don’t call me a wife or a mother” and the other characters will just brush it off, they won’t even address it. They’ll continue to label him incorrectly, continue to treat him in ways that make him uncomfortable, and eventually he’ll just stop getting upset or annoyed and go along with it. This is NOT okay. This happens when a writer likes writing about feminine men.

There’s nothing wrong with a feminine man, that’s not what I’m saying. What’s wrong is when a man is overly sexualized because of his physical appearance and incorrectly labeled by others despite him stating what he identifies as. If you want to write about a gender fluid male omega, do that! Do not write about a male omega who identifies as male and call him a wife just because he can give birth. He is still a husband. He is a man and the other characters should be respecting that.

Then we have the fetishizing of birth or breeding in these AUs. This element of this AU has always been so creepy to me. (And I’m talking about FORCED breeding. Edit added because I didn’t specify this at first).

Omegas in these AUs are seen as the lowest of the low because they have heats, are softhearted, physically weaker, and motherly. Yet despite being chained to the bottom of the societal hierarchy they are objectified by other secondary genders. They are desired just enough for alphas and betas to want to breed with but they aren’t worth equal rights such as choosing their own “mate”, their job, or even walking down the street without fear of being forcefully mounted.

Seldom do I see this issue actually portrayed as an issue. The omegas in the story bat their eyelashes at alphas, and even manipulate them because they know that they are objectified. They aim to get claimed by “strong” and “virile” alphas and to have “beautiful pups”. Like, what?

But okay, I can see that.

You live a certain way you can get used to almost anything, but the fact that it’s rarely more than the main character who wants for more is astounding to me. I guess this is a writer’s way of hammering home how different and “before their time” they want their main character to be but it just comes off as forced, and the main character becomes a novelty. Alphas just want the main even more because they want to break them so they can force them into the role of a “good little omega”.

It angers me to see this type of world building with no consequences. There’s no simmering rage at the lack of justice and equality, there’s no conflict. It’s just, “omegas are cute and sexy and they smell nice”. This just makes all of the characters seem like morally bankrupt sex addicts who’re all some form of insane and I can’t stand it. But I’ll digress.

The true reason I decided to write this rant?

A story.

Yes, I came across a story and for some reason despite the harmless looking tags and my knowledge of how misleading this AU can be I clicked on it. I just wanted to see if I was being too harsh on the ABO AU, if someone could write a story in this type of universe that I could actually bear to read that wasn’t extremely hard to find. (Most of the fics in this AU I come across are the really dark ones).

So, I tried to read an ABO AU for MHA, and I'll tell you now I couldn’t even get beyond the fourth chapter. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Izuku was of course a rare male omega, born in a fantasy world where All Might bestowed upon him the powerful magic of One For All and then dipped. Of course despite having this power Izuku was still a weakling, even though the author tried to say he was strong willed and “unlike most omegas”.

Izuku had to hide his secondary gender. He lived as a quirkless beta with his mother. One day he stumbled across Katsuki, who declared Izuku his “true mate”. Despite Izuku saying he didn’t want to mate with him, Izuku was abducted and forced to be with him simply because it was what Katsuki wanted.

Izuku repeatedly said he didn’t want to be there, that he didn't want to be with this literal stranger, and that he didn’t have any desire to be a baby factory for him but was of course ignored. Long story short Katsuki got his way and Izuku eventually was down with it. Because Katsuki was handsome, well built, and smelled nice Izuku didn’t even bother to stay angry at the injustice of his own situation.

This is one of the many stories in this type of AU I personally find problematic. I don’t care if people write these fics, I just wish they were more responsible about it.

I’ve seen stories where alphas threaten to kill an omega’s family or the omega themselves to force them to mate with them, and are forced to comply. Instead of acknowledging how horrible this is the other characters just sort of treat it like the omega is misbehaving and that they’re cute for being “annoyed”. Like, what? Literally what the fuck. And this is sometimes never brought up again.

Alphas could burn down a whole village, slaughter everyone and take the omegas as sex slaves and still in certain stories this could be romanticized. I can’t get with that. Especially not when the victims aren’t even upset for more than a few days. What the heck!? That was your family!

But what really makes me uncomfortable? When an author makes sure the reader is aware of the fact that an abuser is extremely physically attractive so that people will be less inclined to be disgusted by their atrocious behavior and mentality.

I get it.

Sometimes the inevitable fall is due to true mates and all that. But at the same time, that is absolute bullshit. I wouldn’t give a damn if you were Jesus Christ himself, if you threaten to kill my family, or me, DO these things, disregard my feelings because of what you want and what you have to gain I am not giving you the time of day. Or at the very least if I have no choice I’m gonna utterly despise the person harming me. Come on!

True mates/Soulmates could be so freaking cute. It HAS been. I’ve seen it. There’s good fics out there, I just wish there was more of a selection where certain tropes are implemented in a way that isn’t toxic.

I don’t care how objectively attractive someone appears. I don’t care what “fate” says or what “instincts” denote. What reason do some of these characters have to love their abusers? Let alone be attracted to them? Especially if they never get a heartfelt apology and the alpha doesn’t bother to change significantly to be a tolerable human being. But okay, ABO instincts. Lack of control. I know, okay? But come on, can we switch it up a bit?

Out of morbid curiosity, sometimes when I come across stories I just can’t read because the Non-con is there but it’s not portrayed as traumatic and the author doesn’t even TELL you it’s in there... out of some masochistic need to punish myself I scroll down to read some of the comments and no one, I mean no one addresses how skewed and warped the themes in these stories are. The readers eat it up. And it’s honestly sickening.

But you know what? That’s kind of a lie. Some people do complain but they’re usually just straight up hateful flames and I don’t support those. I wish people could be more constructive when commenting on people’s work.

But anyway, since it was the MHA ABO AU fic that set me off I’ll just continue to use Izuku and Katsuki as examples for my griping. With Izuku as the omega and Katsuki as the alpha.

Many fanfic writers set up their worlds as a means to impregnate Izuku. That’s what I believe. Not ALL fanfic writers that write about this AU do this. SOME of them do! And I’m not saying this is always problematic, but it is when they put certain elements together because they want to write about BakuDeku in a sexual form and don’t bother to note how dark the story elements they’re implementing actually are.

I’m not sure if this is because some of them don’t understand how serious and damaging these things are and can be (rape/sexual coercion/forced pregnancy) or if they just don’t care and find them cute and sexy.

Either way, the things some authors have alpha Katsuki pulling on Izuku are wrong and downright perverted.

Now, I’m not opposed to smut. Sometimes I read stories with smut, that doesn’t bother me. Sex is a natural thing and people do it to show how much they like someone, or even just because it feels good. Whatever, that’s fine. But putting two characters together and saying “this is how it is because fate and forget gradually becoming attracted because I want that sexual tension now!” is something I find greatly unsettling.

If I could see this idea displayed differently maybe I could be equally disturbed, but could grow to accept Izuku and Katsuki (or whoever are the focus of the story) as a pair. Why? Because if the things the alpha is doing are horrible they should be acknowledged as horrible.

A lot of stories could be more interesting to me if the author wrote the things I mentioned above as they actually are, despicable. Instead things a lot of the times are sugar coated, treated as a joke, or downright wrongfully sexualized. Sometimes all three at once! A lot of these fics could have been something I could stomach if treated soundly. Say, Katsuki for example decided Izuku belonged to him and he forcefully mated with him, not allowing Izuku to be with anyone else without serious backlash. If he began to realize that his outlook on life was entitled and morally bankrupt I could totally get with that!

The author in this fake scenario could take the steps to better Katsuki as a person. Izuku of course should rightfully hate this man but could grudgingly begin to see and acknowledge Katsuki trying to change for the better. Then when Izuku manages to let go of his anger for his own sake, (not Katsuki’s) I could probably accept him beginning to notice Katsuki romantically. NOT sexually.

Now if Izuku just has to notice Katsuki’s physical body from the beginning and finds him irresistible because you know, ABO AU instincts and all that jazz—but hated this about himself, the juxtaposition of physical desire but mental and emotional disdain could be fascinating, engaging. It would make Izuku seem more like a person in these stories and less like the idea of a mentally strong omega. (Again, not saying all ABO fics lack good storytelling or compelling characters or any of that).

I could accept this eventual forgiveness and romance scenario because it could be amazing storytelling wise. Allowing the reader to experience a range of emotions due to world building, characterization, character growth, and plot line.

But anyway, I’m not trying to bash the specific story I used as an example above. I realize a lot of people love it and a lot of my language was crude and even rude but I just felt the need to express exactly what I was feeling, and above is what I felt. (I had to cut some things because it was way too obvious which fanfiction set me off and that’s not what I wanted. Didn’t want to throw shade, just wanted to prove a point).

If people want to read those types of stories that’s fine, at least they’re not going out into the world and doing what they’re reading about. Or at least I hope that’s the case.

But anyway, if people are going to read these types of things I think the reality of the content should be aptly acknowledged. No rose colored glasses, because that just makes it so wrong. And no, I’m not talking about being partial to any kind of kinks. I’m talking about a type of ABO fic that is problematic for me. I wrote a whole damn rant, if you can’t glean what I’m saying here I freaking give up.

But more presently, I guess it really comes down to what you prefer. Other people like things that come off as more sensual and carefree.

Personally I make it a point not to read those types of fanfictions because it’s just not my preference. I prefer to read things with dark world building with what I perceive as realistic consequences and real justice. Or maybe just downright cold blooded revenge sometimes. That’s nice too. Everyone is different, and I think I’ve just become frustrated because I’m not finding many stories like that in this AU.

That being said I’ve decided to write a story that I could read. A few, actually. You know what they say, “if you don’t do it, nobody else will”.

#ranting #I’m butthurt #read the whole thing #Kamui’s ABO Rant #my hero academia fanfiction #Problematic Portrayals of Trauma Complaint

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lovetorn · 4 years ago

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eventide [jj maybank]

1/? of Best Friend!JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Summary: BestFriend!JJ — (no romance, just best friends being closer than friends but not labelling it and the rest of the group knows there's something going on but nobody says anything because the pair are happy without any labels). Words: 1.1k Warnings: Mentions of domestic abuse. A/N: First time writing Outer Banks woohooo! Hope you guys enjoy, only wrote this in an hour so hopefully it’s good enough ahaha.

The sun is just moments off dipping behind the horizon. The pinks and orange hues begin to mesh into a subtle indigo and the sea turns to an ominous deep midnight blue. Since it’s the beginning of June, the air is humid and sticky, but the slight breeze that drifts through The Cut is refreshing.

The Chateau smells of musty beer and marijuana and its oddly homey to the five teenagers that lounge around inside. But the small waves crash lightly on the sand around the pier entice them outside and they emerge from the house to make their way to the hammocks.

The taste of stale beer is bitter on their tongues as the five of them get comfortable on the hammocks. Although, one decides to stand and when the others tell her to sit, she declines. So, she chooses to stand behind an oddly quiet, fellow pogue in a way that is strictly just as friends.

Feeling his shoulder muscles shift under her touch, Y/n leans down to place a soft kiss on top of JJ’s knotted hair. The sign of affection prompts the boy to lean back against Y/n who stands behind him, and tilt his head back to meet her gaze. One of his legs hangs over the side to slowly sway himself back and forth much to Y/n’s dismay. She curses at him as he runs into her legs again and he giggles softly.

Y/n stares at the boy, who’s head rests on her stomach, and she laughs through her nose. Despite being upside down, JJ looks gorgeous from where he’s positioned and Y/n swears her heart leaps.

“Uh, could you guys like not.”

John B, Kie and Pope all sat around the pair as they eyed each other, unknowingly making the rest of the pogues feel slightly awkward. JJ and Y/n redden and swiftly apologise, but Kie is quick to interject, “Don’t apologise, these two are just jealous.” The comment causes an uproar between the boys, “Shut up, Kie!” “Like I would be jealous of that.”

“Jealous of what?” JJ asks, his head tilting to the side in an innocent way, signalling his utmost confusion. Kie only gestures to the two of the pair who were very close to be only friends. Y/n’s hands slyly make their way to JJ’s blonde locks and he instantly softens. She works on unknotting his unruly hair while Kie’s eyebrows raise in amusement as she throws Pope and John a look.

JJ’s eyes close at the feeling of Y/n’s fingers in his hair and then his lips part ever so slightly. The other pogues sit in shock at how relaxed JJ looks and silently manoeuvre their way back inside, leaving the pair alone. Y/n looks up at her friends in question as John B puts a finger to his lips and closes the back door. She sighs as she looks back down at her blonde friend.

“Where did they go?” JJ whispers. His voice cracks faintly as he reaches up to pause Y/n’s movements in his hair.

“They just went back inside, it’s okay, bubba.”

JJ released her wrists and slumps further into the hammock, telling Y/n to join him. The girl rounds the space before plopping herself down next to the boy. The sky has gone dark and the only source of light is from the kitchen inside the Chateau.

JJ moves his head to rest on her chest as his arms circle around her middle. Y/n’s hands find their way back in his hair as they swing slowly.

The two sit in silence for a while, the only sound being the laughter from the others inside, but it’s quick to settle again after a moment. The one thing that’s kept Y/n from dozing off is JJ’s sudden rapid breathing. Her eyebrows furrow as she concentrates on the sound and movements of his chest against her side.

“J?” She mumbles whilst she tries to detach herself from his grip. But JJ refuses and snuggles further into her body. He doesn’t reply when she attempts to sit up slightly and pry him away again.

“No.”

Y/n’s shocked at the smallness of his voice and it instantly heightens her worry.

“Hey, look at me,” She says. JJ tilts his head back to meet her gaze and the rims of his eyes are red—and it’s not from the alcohol and marijuana he consumed beforehand. Y/n’s eyes widen with concern for her friend and is quick to place a lingering kiss on his forehead. No tears spill but she knows they will if she doesn’t distract him from his thoughts.

Y/n helps JJ to sit up next to her and then she turns to face him. She moves her hand to his cheek to wipe away a hot tear that falls from his eye. He doesn’t move away as she does so and stares intently at her. Y/n swallows thickly as she’s overcome with emotions also. JJ chose to confide in her a few months ago about his issues at home and since then, he’s come to her for comfort. Y/n honestly doesn’t mind, she makes it her sole mission to distract and support him every waking moment that he’s in distress.

She tilts her head as he lets out a sob, his emotions getting the better of him as he moves away suddenly and sits away from her on the hammock. His cheeks are red and he refuses to meet her eye. Y/n rests her hand on his bicep and rubs her thumb on his skin softly.

“No, no—it’s okay, come here,” She whispers, her voice like honey to JJ’s ears as his eyes remain closed. He then shuffles closer to Y/n in the hammock, his face merely centimetres away from hers. His body lays on hers, but she doesn’t complain. JJ rests his head on her chest to look at her and his arms are under her body, hugging her closer.

Y/n’s hands cradle JJ’s cheeks with such delicacy she’s scared he’ll break—and it’s possible he might. The two silently agree to sit in silence again, both of them content with just being in each other’s company.

“I love you, you know that… right?” He says after a while. He lifts his head to glance at her quickly before he returns his head back to her chest. Y/n smiles and nods, her eyes becoming glassy with JJ’s unusual hint of affection.

“I love you too.”

“Also, my arm’s dead, can you move?”

Feedback is always appreciated xx

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank imagines #outerbanks #outer banks #outerbanks imagine #outer banks imagine #obx #obx imagine #obx imagines #rudy pankow #rudy pankow imagine

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smol-and-grumpy · 5 years ago

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Cross My Heart - CH.01

Pairing: Bodyguard!Dean x Reader; Chuck Shurley x Reader

Summary: After opening up a letter, the life as she knows it, changes forever. Her husband hires Dean Winchester to protect her but is Dean really who he said he was? And is her husband really worried about her safety?

Warnings: Abusive behavior towards a spouse, angst.

WC: 2913

SERIES MASTERLIST

It’s like any other day in her boring life, really.

Chuck, her husband, has already left to do whatever he’s doing. She doubts that it’s work but what does she know, really.

She was still sleeping when he left. He’s mostly up before the break of dawn, something with time zones and new deals. But she guesses it’s also because he doesn’t really want to see her and he’d rather go out early to avoid the awkward mornings together.

Y/N gets out of bed and hops into the shower. Afterwards, she dresses to impress, because that’s what people expect of her. They expect of her to always look presentable and the paparazzi are everywhere.

She walks along the landing, her heels clicking on the marble flooring as she descends the stairs.

While she passes the living room, she sees a stack of mail on the sideboard by the door. Chuck must have taken in the mail and put it there before he left. She stops to look through the stack. There’s the usual letters, bills and mortgages they need to pay, which is not really her concern since Chuck takes care of their finances.

She used to do it, though. But about three years back, Chuck told her that she shouldn’t hurt her pretty head by worrying about bills and he took over. He was adamant about it and there’s nothing she could have said to make him change his mind. Not that she hasn’t tried. She graduated summa cum laude from Stanford and now she’s just a really bored housewife.

Chuck didn’t even finish College. Dropped out and worked his way up at a record label, and when he had had enough, he split from them and opened his own, not without taking all the talents with him which ended up in a big lawsuit and he had to settle the huge bill.

Y/N met Chuck in College, they kept contact after he dropped out and after her graduation, they got married in Vegas. Not really a thing fairy tales are made of, she knows. Chuck was great at first and let her be part of his imperium. That was until he thought that his wife shouldn’t be working so hard. She basically got degraded from being a strong woman who still had her future ahead of her, to becoming someone's arm candy. Became something he can parade around.

Their relationship changed after maybe the first two years. She’s been with him for so long, she can’t even remember when it all really started. His record label took off, everybody was talking about Apocalypse Records, he was praised, had so many articles in magazines about how he’s a self-made millionaire. Little do they know that she was the one who emptied her trust fund in order to support him at the beginning of his career.

Y/N’s still skimming through their mail until an envelope catches her attention. There’s her name scribbled on it, no address, no stamps. She weighs the envelope with her hand, feels something hard and heavy, heavier than sheets of paper at least. She hooks the nail of her pinky finger into the latch and opens it, the content flutters to the ground.

Pictures, she realizes, and then she squats and picks them up. Her heart stops.

They are all pictures of her. A picture of her while she’s out shopping, a picture while she’s having lunch on her own. Pictures of her sleeping in her bed in her own home.

Oh my god.

Her hand’s are shaking as she reads the letter.

MRS. SHURLEY,

THE SAME LETTER WITH THE SAME CONTENT HAS BEEN SENT TO YOUR HUSBANDS OFFICE AS WELL.

WHAT DO WE WANT YOU MAY ASK?

THE ANSWER IS: WE WANT YOU.

PS. IT’S NOT REALLY OUR MODUS OPERANDI TO INFORM OUR VICTIMS BEFOREHAND BUT WE LIKE TO PLAY WITH YOU, SO.

PPS. HAVE A GOOD DAY.

Y/N feels nauseous but she manages to pull herself together enough to grab her keys by the door and walks out to get into her car.

On her way over to Chuck’s company, she tries to call him but it goes right into his voicemail.

She arrives and nods at the security guy before taking the elevator up to the top floor. Chuck’s secretary stops her as soon as Y/N steps out, but she wouldn’t let herself be stopped so she walked right into see something she probably shouldn’t.

Chuck’s bend over his desk, his face buried in the cunt of his assistant.

She slams the door close loudly, for the fucking dramatic effect, which makes Chuck jump and he looks at her, startled, the juice of his assistant still drips down his chin. The assistant screams and scrambles from the table, covers herself up with both her hands.

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I being too loud?” Y/N says, storms in and slams the letter onto Chuck’s desk. It’s soaked in the assistant's wetness. Katy, Kathy, Karen? She can’t remember.

“What the fuck!” Chuck shouts out.

“Karen? Is it?” She turns to his assistant.

“No, it’s Kacy.”

“Awe silly me,” Y/N grins, “I knew it was something with a K .”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Chuck growls and something with a K is getting dressed.

“Read it.” Y/N just says, ignoring the assistant. She wonders if something with a K knows that she’s not the only one. Y/N for her part stopped having sex with Chuck already three years after their marriage, when she found out that he’s been fucking all the other whores he meets. They’ve mostly been ignoring each other since, but they have to keep up the facade, mainly because Chuck can’t afford to lose out on divorcing her.

Something with a K slips out of the door and Chuck sits down on his desk, the swelling in his pants disappeared. Not that there was much to see in the first place.

“Is this a fucking prank? Why do they want me?” She asks Chuck and he’s still frowning while reading it.

“I don’t know? Maybe they want to kidnap you? Get money from me?”

She laughs. Loud and sharp.

“If they are watching me, they’d know that you don’t fucking care about me!”

“That’s not true, Y/N.”

“Oh, please! When was the last time you were here for my birthday? When was the last time we shared a meal together and I’m not talking about the outings we have to boost your fucking company!”

“I might not love you anymore but I still do care about you.” Chuck says, his voice is calm and she wonders if it’s sincere. She can never read him. Well, at least he’s being honest when he says that he doesn’t love her anymore, she has to give him that. Strangely, it doesn’t hurt as much as she thought it would.

“Go wait in the record studio. You’re safe there. I’ll get my team together, see what we can do. Does the police know?”

“I haven’t contacted them.”

“I’ll do it. Go.”

She’s pushing around some buttons as she sits in the chair in the record studio, waiting for Chuck to come get her. Maybe she shouldn’t play with them because Chuck will probably get mad when all the buttons are at the wrong places.

Y/N smirks at the thought that Chuck would be pissed, and begins to start pushing at more buttons and messing the whole studio up. For fucking good measure.

Time passes and she looks at her watch. She’s been in here for almost two hours already. Lunch time came and passed. Maybe Chuck forgot about her? She wouldn’t put it past him.

The door opens with a bang and she has to laugh. Chuck’s always so fucking dramatic. He walks in and closes the door behind him while she gets up from her chair.

“Okay, the police came and confiscated the letter and pictures. They did really send another copy to my office.”

“Crap. Do I need to talk to them?”

“Not yet,” Chuck sighs, “Here’s how it goes. I hired a bodyguard for you, he’ll protect you.”

“This is ridiculous!” Her lips twitch at the anger she feels, “I don’t need a bodyguard! Like really Chuck, who’s going to come after me? This is a joke. I don’t get it, I mean I know that you are struggling at the moment with signing on new talents and keeping old ones, so I doubt that someone can really dig for gold right now!”

She proceeds to walk away and out of here, but Chuck pulls her back by her arm, slams her against the wall and claws his hands around her throat. “If you tell anyone that I’m in a financial crisis, I swear!”

Y/N opens her mouth to protest but angry Chuck is not her favorite Chuck so all she can push past her lips is, “Okay,”

Chuck rarely gets physical with her, so it’s a complete surprise and she’s shocked at the pain he inflicts her.

“Good. Let’s play nice, shall we?” Chuck whispers into her ear and then he lets go of her.

Her hands immediately fly to her throat, and she has to cough.

Chuck waits for her to regain her composure before he opens the door again to call someone in, “Mr. Winchester?”

“Yes, sir.” He hears a voice but doesn’t recognize it. She’s never heard it before but she likes how deep and low it is. Feels that the two words alone soothes her aching soul.

Chucks walks back further into the room, and someone else is joining them too. She almost gasps out loud when she sees Mr. Winchester. He’s tall and broad, wears a black suit. He has a light scruff, the tie is neat and sits right at the center, and when he smiles and nods at her, she can see the crinkles around his eyes. His face is sprayed with little freckles. Mr. Winchester’s eyes are green.

“Honey, this is Mr. Winchester. He’s an ex-marine and he’s your bodyguard.”

Mr. Winchester’s green eyes stay on her before his gaze travels to her throat. He frowns then but he doesn’t say anything.

“Chuck, I don’t need a bodyguard,” She tries to reason with her husband.

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N. We’ve been through this. You will do what I say and you’ll let Mr. Winchester do his job.”

She sighs and rolls her eyes at Chuck before she purses her lips into a thin line, “Fine!”

“You okay, Mrs. Shurley?” Mr. Winchester asks her when she settles next to him. Apparently, she’s not even allowed to drive her own car anymore, “Did he hurt you?”

So, he did notice it.

She shakes her head, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

Mr. Winchester frowns, the crease between his eyebrows deepens but he doesn’t press any further, just sends her a courtesy nod.

There’s silence between them and Mr. Winchester starts the engine to which she then asks him if he could take her to the next coffee shop.

He answers short, “Sure.”

And with that, Mr. Winchester drives off.

She watches him while he drives, tries to be subtle about it.

“What’s your name?” After a while she asks him bluntly, and she doesn’t know if he’s even allowed to tell her but the silence in the car is killing her.

“Dean.”

“Dean? Can I call you Dean?”

He chuckles, “Of course, Mrs. Shurley.”

His answers are short, quick. He doesn’t look at her once.

“You can call me Y/N.”

Dean doesn’t answer.

She offered to buy Dean a coffee and something to eat too but he said that he wasn’t hungry or thirsty, so she took her coffee to go. It’s best if they get it over with, she thinks. He can drop her off and go about his day. And she can go into sulking. Maybe she’ll call her friend, Meg, and tell her the newest episode of dickhead Chuck.

Back home, she thought that Dean would leave her be but no, he gets out of the car and is right behind her when she unlocks the front door.

“Don’t you have anywhere you should be? Maybe another bodyguard job?” She asks him curiously.

Dean shrugs, “You’re my only priority.”

Wow, it has been too long since she’s someone’s priority. And she doesn’t know what it is but it makes her blush and her heart thumbs ridiculously fast in her chest.

Just when she opens the door to step in, she lets out a yell.

Dean immediately draws his gun, grips her by the arm and pulls her back, acting like a human shield for her. “What?” He hisses while he tilts his head back to ask.

She, on the other hand, freezes when she sees Dean’s gun, “You have a gun?”

He looks at her with one raised eyebrow, “How else should I be able to protect you, Mrs. Shurley. Now tell me, what is it?”

“Look for yourself,” She whispers.

She peeks from behind him, sees the overturned furniture in her home, sees the feathers laying around which spilled out from the pillows, sees that the walls and whole floor have been drenched in some kind of red paint that looks awfully like blood. Maybe it is blood because there’s this metallic smell in the air.

Oh my god . If it’s really blood, who's blood is it?

“Fuck,” Dean mutters under his breath and she guesses that he too, didn’t think when he took over the job, that it’ll be this intense.

“Where’s your room?” Dean asks, as they step inside. Their shoes are sticky with blood and they have to be careful not to slip and fall.

“Upstairs.”

“Okay, follow me.” Dean stretches out a hand for her to take and she places her small ones in his.

Dean’s hand is big.

Together they go up the stairs and to her surprise, her bedroom still looks the same as when she left it. They just made a mess out of the first floor. She thinks it’s shady as fuck and she guesses that Dean feels the same.

He checks the perimeter and calls the police when he comes back empty handed while she still tries to get the sticky thing off her shoes.

It isn’t long before some crime scene investigators arrive to take pictures of her house. They also taped everything and honestly, it scares her. She’s terrified that someone was able to come in and make a mess in her own house.

Unfortunately, it is also not long before the tabloids got wind about it, and began to show up one by one.

After a while, Dean and her had been informed that the blood is indeed real. But it’s animal blood and not human, so at least there’s that. She shudders when she thinks about it.

Who in the fucking right mind would play such a sick prank?

She and Dean are sitting on the stairs as they watch the police work on the first floor. Dean’s on the phone with Chuck for an awfully long time, and when she gets up to go to her bedroom, Dean follows her absentmindedly. That dude sticks to her like glue. She can’t even be alone in her damn house.

“Yes, sir.” Dean says into the phone and then he hands his phone to her, “Your husband.”

“Chuck,” Her voice is all shades of annoyed. Maybe not particularly because of Chuck. More because her life has become a fucking mess.

“Yeah, pack your things, you’re going away for a while.”

“What?” Y/N nearly screams into the phone.

“Our home is obviously not safe and I doubt that any other buildings in the city are safe right now. If it’s not the kidnapper or killer, it’s the tabloids.”

She sighs, feels helpless. This is not how she thought her life would become. “Where do I go?”

“Mr. Winchester will take you to a safe house.”

She eyes Dean when Chucks talks and Dean just stares at her. His gaze is intense, and there’s something in his eyes too. Worry, probably, she doesn’t know because he’s so hard to read.

“I’m safe in my own house.” She replies, knows herself that it’s totally a stupid thing to say.

“Are you?” Chuck has an amused tone in his voice. She wonders how much he really cares.

She sighs, “For how long?”

“For as long as it takes for the police to catch those bastards.” Chuck’s voice changes and he sounds as annoyed as her. He was always a good actor, she has to give him that.

“Fine.”

“I’ll be in touch.”

She hangs up without saying goodbye and hands the phone back to Dean. He pockets it back and then he stands up a little straighter. “Y/N, please pack light, we don’t have much space on the motorcycle. I’ll be back here in an hour. Be ready by then.”

There’s something fluttering in her stomach when she hears him say her name. It sounds good out of his mouth and she can’t suppress the smile.

“I thought you were not to let me out of your sight?” She’s merely teasing him.

“I need to go pack for myself either,” Dean explains and ignores her smile, “A policeman will stand guard until I’m back.”

“Okay,”

With a courtesy nod, Dean leaves.

CH.02

#cross my heart #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #bodyguard!dean #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fan fiction #nathalie writes

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tinysatansierra-blog · 4 years ago

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Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment.

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit. so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety. another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said. now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people) they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content and im going to repeat this point IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8

#markiplier #transphobia #trans pride #lgbtq #muslim #huniepop #markiplier manor #pro choice #toxic groups #toxic fanbase #sia #music the movie #problematic content #huniepop2 #albeism #hypocrisy #hypocrites #discord

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snowdice · 4 years ago

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First Anniversary (Part 6-Final) [Relabeled; Refiled Series]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Patton

Characters: Logan, Patton, Remy (only in the fist part)

Summary:

Logan and Patton go on a trip for their first anniversary. It’s mostly fluff (except just a bit in chapter 3).

(It’s part of a series but it literally doesn’t matter except for like 1 joke so if you want to just see them being dumb and in love, you can read this without context.)

Notes: Superhero AU (really doesn’t matter at all), fluff, so much fluff, just a hint of angst in the middle, but overwhelmed by fluff rather quickly, past child neglect/abuse, they’re soft husbands, allusions to sexy times

This is a prequel to my fic Sometimes Labels Fail.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

“I like being married to you,” Patton declared on their walk home from dinner, squeezing Logan’s hand in his.

“I’d certainly hope so,” Logan replied. “Else life would be quite miserable from here on.”

“Well, we could get divorced if things don’t work out.”

“Like I said,” Logan said. “Life would be quite miserable, for me at least.”

“Sap!” Patton accused with a sputter, “You’re such a sap!”

He laughed and looked over at Patton with that soft, slightly mischievous glint in his eyes that promised nothing but warmth that would melt Patton into a puddle of goo. He tugged Patton towards him with their clasped hands to kiss him, and Patton promptly lost the suspicion garnered by his expression a moment before. His brain was still a bit mushy when then kiss ended and Logan led him forward again, but eventually it cleared enough when Logan pulled him down the wrong street to get back to the Bed and Breakfast.

“You have something planned!” Patton accused. Logan didn’t comment. “I knew there was something suspicious about that 2-hour gap between dinner and cookies!”

“Hush, dearest.”

Patton rolled his eyes but did ‘hush’ as Logan pulled him down the street to a park. There were still many other people walking around this early in the evening. There were even a couple of kids on the playground, but Logan led him past them all to a path that Patton hadn’t even seen until they were on it.

He was confused about where they could possibly be going until they came to a little bridge over a gully in the middle of the woods.

“How do you find these places?” he asked.

“I’m a thorough researcher,” Logan said, pleased.

The bridge was awfully wobbly, and Patton honestly got a little bit nervous walking across it. Logan seemed to notice because there was suddenly pressure all around him almost like a blanket had been wrapped around him even though there was only empty air. He glanced at Logan.

“The bridge is structurally sound, but I’d always catch you,” he said, and, oh there was the melting into a puddle of goo Patton had anticipated.

“I’m going to tell everyone you know that you’re a sap,” Patton threatened.

“As though most of them aren’t already aware of my state when it comes to you,” he waved Patton off, almost impatiently, and Patton giggled at him.

“So why are we here?” Patton asked.

Logan bent to sit down on the edge of the bridge and tugged on their joined hands until Patton sat with him. “Look down,” he said, and as he did, Patton felt a securing pressure on his chest, that helped him build up the courage to look below them.

“Oh,” Patton said. There was a stream below them and hundreds of flowers floated on the surface, slowly moving downstream.

“They dump flowers in the water upstream,” Logan explained. “There’s usually a crowd where it’s done, but I found out there was a bridge here. I thought you’d like it.”

“I do,” Patton said. “Your plans are always the best.”

“Even when you figure out about them beforehand?” Logan asked, sounding just a smidgen annoyed.

“Especially then,” Patton said, leaning into him. He accepted the cuddling easily.

“Ah. Would you like to hear about my plans for our second anniversary then?” he asked. Patton snorted, and then he giggled.

“I know,” he said, gasping for breath through his laughter. “I know your serious sweetie, but you’re going to have to give me a minute.”

“You can have up to six months,” Logan offered. “We don’t really need to decide until then, and the details can wait until 4 months out, though that would be stretching it.”

Patton just laughed more, holding his stomach. “Oh, I love you sweetheart. I really do.”

“I love you too,” Logan replied automatically, though Patton could tell he was still a bit bemused by Patton’s inability to stop laughing. Patton reached up, still giggling a bit, to pull him into a kiss.

Want to read more? Click below!

Labeled Master Post.

My Masterpost.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #logicality #tsss #relabeled; refiled #labeled universe #adriana writes #fluff

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cpd5021 · 4 years ago

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Gone Part Four

Here’s the final part of this series! Thanks to everyone who commented or sent me feedback on this story, it’s much appreciated!

One Year Later…

Jay’s POV

One year had passed since Hailey’s kidnapping and assault. It had been a long road of recovery but after four days in the hospital, three weeks of physical therapy for her shoulder, and some therapy and counseling that she had initially pushed away from... she was finally back to her old self. Well, almost. Hailey was good, after years of masking her emotions and the abuse she had suffered as a child, and she put on a good show. Most of the people around her assumed that everything was status quo and that she had made a remarkable recovery, all things considered. To those that didn’t know her beforehand, they were none the wiser as to what she had been through. Both things I knew Hailey prided herself on. I was different though. I could see the way the light in her eyes had dimmed, ever so slightly. The way she flinched when larger suspects made sudden movements. The way she was quicker to react to certain cases or how little details that wouldn’t have made a difference before, firmly lodged themselves in her mind. We had done ‘our thing’ more often now than we did before, not that I was complaining, I would take any time I could get with her and I was beyond thankful that she had let me in enough to be the person she could count on when things got rough behind closed doors. Lord knows she’s helped me through plenty so I owed her majorly, although, if I’m being honest, it was more than that. I have spent the last year replaying those moments when she was missing, when I didn’t know how we were going to get her back, when I was forced to imagine a world without her in it...and I came to a conclusion. I love her. More than a partner or a friend. I am in love with her. I haven’t told her of course. For one, I don’t think she feels the same way. For two, I haven’t found the right time to even broach the conversation, not that I really have the guts too anyway.

Now, we sat in the bullpen at the end of our day, and all I can do is stare at her as she types away on her computer. She’s been on edge all day and I think I’m the only one who’s noticed it. I’m probably the only other one who is aware what this date is the anniversary of. Not that the others don’t care, but Hailey puts on such a good act and they all have lives of their own, that it’s certainly not something any normal person would focus on. Not someone who wasn’t in love with her at least. I let out a sigh and she glanced up at me, a small smile on her face before she returned to her work. She had been quiet today and I was hoping she would want to grab a beer after work.

Another hour of typing and we were finally done. Most everyone else had left already, having wrapped up their lighter loads and we were alone in the locker room as we grabbed our stuff. I hesitated by my locker for a moment, not sure how best to approach her. I didn’t want to draw attention to the date or even bring it up, but I also wanted to make sure she was okay. Before I could figure out what to say, she came over to lean by my locker.

“Hey…”

She said quietly, an almost embarrassed tone to her voice. She crossed her arms over her chest, keeping her head low but her eyes looking up at me. There was a slight smile on her face, one I knew she was fighting to put there. I shut my locker and turned to face her, returning her smile.

“Hey.”

I replied, leaning against the locker in front of her. She broke eye contact for a minute and I remained silent, waiting for her to speak.

“Wanna grab a beer?”

She finally asked and I had to fight back the excitement from showing on my face. I gave her another smile and a quick nod, before following her out of the locker rooms. Once in the parking lot, she hesitated by our cars for a minute before turning back to face me.

“Actually, do you want to just go to your place? I’m not feeling that social.”

She dipped her head, sounding embarrassed again.

“That sounds perfect.”

I smiled when she finally looked back up at me and then we both got in our cars and headed towards my apartment building. Luckily, I had just stocked up on beer after our last night spent drinking so I didn’t have to stop anywhere on the way. We made it there in what felt like record time and suddenly, we were seated on my couch, cold beer in hand. I watched as Hailey picked at the label on her bottle, not wanting to push her into talking about something she didn’t want too. I stayed quiet as we did our thing, which sometimes entailed not talking at all but merely sharing the silence with someone who understood.

“Thank you.”

She whispered, drawing me back to the moment. I sent her a puzzled look, unsure of what she would be thanking me for other than the beer. She smiled and dipped her head down as she spoke again.

“For not actually leaving. For being there.”

She whispered again, the words barely audible to the untrained ear. But I was used to picking up her soft tones so I hadn’t missed a beat. I remained silent for a minute, replaying those days in the hospital over in my head, the same heart sinking feeling washing over me.

“Always.”

I whispered back, dipping my head down to make her meet my eyes. When she met my gaze, her eyes were wet with unshed tears. I wanted to pull her into my arms like I had on those nights, tell her she wasn’t alone and that everything would be okay. But I didn’t move.

“I guess I’m lucky you were my partner. That you still are.”

Her words struck something inside me and suddenly I wanted to put it all on the table.

“Hailey…”

I trailed off, mapping out how I wanted to say what I needed too. I wasn’t sure if this was the best time, or if there ever would be a good time, but I needed her to know, regardless of how she felt in return. Her eyes met mine, silently pushing me to continue.

“I didn’t stay because I was your partner.”

She nodded slowly, as if this was something she already knew.

“My friend…”

She whispered and it was almost a question. As if she knew there was some other reason I had stayed that neither of us had acknowledged yet.

“No...I mean yes, but…”

I trailed off again, her blue eyes boring into mine. Searching them for something I couldn’t understand. I remained silent, lost in her gaze.

“But…”

She pushed, bringing me back to the present. This was it, now or never. I needed her to know and I could only hope that she didn’t leave as soon as I said it.

“But...I stayed because I love you.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, my heart started hammering in my chest. I watched her face for any sign of rejection or disgust, but there was nothing there. She stared at me, face blank of any emotion, and I couldn’t breathe as I waited for her reply.

“I love you too.”

Her words shot through me like a bullet. My heart pounded even harder, my breath was hitched in my throat and I couldn’t hold back the smile growing on my lips. The way she said it was so matter of fact that it was as if we had said it a thousand times before. It felt so natural, to say and to hear, that I wasn’t sure I was actually awake because this felt like a dream. A smile slowly crept onto her face, matching mine, as all I could do was sit and stare at her. She lifted her bottle to her lips, taking a sip while her eyes never left mine, the sparkle from her smile still beaming back at me through them. I took a swig of my own beer, never dropping her gaze, and we fell into silence once again. But the air between us had changed forever and I couldn’t wait to see what came next.

#chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #halstead and upton #jay halstead #hailey upton #halstead #jay x hailey #upstead #upton

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Survey #430

“when the girl in the corner is everyone’s woman, she could kill you with a wink of her eye”

What kind of dog do you find most ugly? What a mean question. ;-; I don't think they're ugly, but I probably find chihuahuas to be the least visually appealing. Do you like wood floors or carpet better? Wood. Do you think the USA bullies other countries? Quite frankly, yes. Are you currently in love right now? No. Favorite fast food joint? Sonic. What would you do if your ex contacted you? THE ex, have a panic attack. Cry. Be wordlessly ecstatic. Be scared and confused. Do you still have feelings for your ex? Two, yes, but one is unrealistic considering I have no idea who he is anymore. It's been way too long for me to possibly, accurately like him. Ever tasted a flavored condom? No. Do you know CPR? No. How much do you care about your best friend? I'd die for her. Do you watch Dr. Phil? No. What age would you like to have a child? I don't want kids ever. Are your parents wealthy? Mom, absolutely not. Dad seems to be financially stable, but not wealthy or anything. Pick one state you’d love to live in? Alaska. How many pets do you want? And of what? Man, I want a LOT. I know I want more ball python morphs, a plains hognose, a woma python, numerous tarantulas, a fat-tailed gecko, a boa, orchid mantises, a sphynx, a tegu would be super cool... I'd love to have like an empire of pets one day, aha, but only so long as I could maintain them all and adequately provide for them. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. When do you want to get married? I mean, I don't have a set age in mind. I want to get married when I'm ready. Can you play a musical instrument? I played the flute for yeeeaaaars in middle and high school, but I remember almost nothing by now. What if you stopped orgasming for the rest of your life? Idc, honestly. Does money make you happy? Money probably makes me happier than it should, but I'm not like madly in love with it or anything. Happens when you're poor your whole life. Your favorite breakfast food? Ugh, cinnamon rolls are a godsend. When was the last time you went to a funeral? I actually don't think I've ever been to one... only wakes. I really, really wish I could have gone to Jason's mom's, though... There was just no fucking way that I was going to risk upsetting Jason on THAT day of all days by popping up. Have you ever stolen someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, we never actually dated, but you could say that... Tell me the date of your first kiss. I don't know the exact date, but it was March 2012. Are your legs long or short? Normal, I guess? How many phobias do you have? Man, a lot. Is there a bookshelf in your room? No. Do you use the Facebook chat often? Barely at all. I only really use it to chat with Girt on the rare occasion we talk. Who got you hooked on the addiction you're addicted to (If you have one)? I discovered Mark on my own; I needed help in an Amnesia: The Dark Descent custom story, so I found his playthrough and watched it. Got a few laughs, subscribed. It was Jason who introduced me to Amnesia, though, so I can indirectly thank him, I guess? haha Are you currently worried about your parents finding out about something? No. Have you ever lived with a friend? Yeah, for a couple months. Have you ever only liked someone because you found out they liked you? No. Ever been on a real diet, or did you just stop eating? I've tried multiple diets. Have you ever known a white supremacist? I know multiple. Welcome to the South. Do you like the smell of a barbecue? Yesss. It's funny because I hate the food itself. Have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas? Yeah. It's not rare, if I'm being honest. How many times have you been to the ER? Too many times because of being suicidal. How many people are you currently texting? None. Anything exciting coming up? My nephew's birthday is in a few days! Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? Money, so I can use it for anything. Do you have Instagram? I have three, ha ha. One for my basic photography, another for my morbid photos, and I went through a very short phase of having an Instagram for my pets. It still exists, but I don't really use it. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do ladders scare you? Yes. Hot dogs or hamburgers? Cheeseburgers may possibly be my favorite food. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? I do. Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? I've owned plenty of black cats. What album is the last song you listened to from? It's from Disguise. What’s the last funny movie you watched? Probably Elf. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's, yes. I only remember the month of my dad's. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick? I think I want to get my tribute to Teddy next. How do you feel about band tattoos? Hey, go for it. I see nothing wrong with it. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Probably snakebites. Lip piercings in general are hot lmao. Are you any good at applying make up? Noooo, my hands are so shaky. How old were the last 3 people you kissed? Sara's 23; idr the exact ages of Girt and Tyler. I think Tyler was a year younger than me, and Girt is at the bare minimum three years older than me. If you found out you got someone pregnant, what would you do? Well, I'm a cisgender female, so... Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? Very frequently. Do you like your cell phone? I mean it's fine, but I'd like a new one. Is rap your favorite genre of music? No, it's actually my least favorite. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Oh god, no. Do people think you’re happy? I think it's safe to say most people who know me know I'm clinically depressed. Or you know... maybe not. Quite a few people have been surprised to learn that about me because I can put on a good facade. What band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see? None, honestly. That's way too long. What was your worst childhood experience? I guess my dad's alcoholism. As a child, I thought it was a normal thing, but I do wonder if my fear of men has anything to do with how volatile drinking had a 50/50 chance of making him. He never hurt anyone, but he was just so mad and hateful towards the world sometimes. You can trade another person’s emotions for your own. Whose do you take? I have no idea. What was/is going to be your first waltz at your wedding? That'll depend on my partner and what song means the most to us/fits us best. "When It's Love" by Van Halen has been a consideration for forever, though. When it’s not summer, what do you miss most about it? I hate summer. I miss nothing about it. Do you consider yourself patriotic? No. What is the one thing that you need to do to die happy? Feel like I accomplished something notable. Do you consider yourself mainstream? No. What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done? Overdosing on cold medicine. What is life’s greatest mystery? Probably from whence we came. Humanity has fished for a definite answer forever. What was your favourite make-believe game as a kid? Pretending I was a meerkat hiding in a "burrow" that was a blanket fort, ha ha. Do you try your best at everything? Honestly, no. Who is your shoulder to cry on? My mom, without fail. What’s your standard excuse for not doing something? I dunno... it depends on the topic. Name the most beautiful person you know. As far as physical appearance goes, my friend Alon. Have you ever been to jail? No. What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of? Sara's face when I surprised her at her house for her birthday. It was absolutely fucking priceless. What place holds the most memories for you? Jason's house. Who was your first date? My puppy dog-love middle school bf Aaron. We went with a group of friends to a skating rink. My first one-on-one date was Jason. What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on? The zoo in 5th grade. It's the one and only time I've seen meerkats. For some weird reason, our zoo moved the meerkats not long after that visit. I THINK they said the environment just wasn't suitable for them, which I never really got... I think they mentioned the cold, but like, you have heating for them, and also, have you ever experienced a desert night? You consider all the other areas that have meerkats in their zoos and it's like... why, man. Bring my meerkats back. ;_; What do you think the earth will look like in 1,000 years? Oh dear God, I do NOT want to visualize that. My gut tells me it'll be a wasteland, probably without humans or most forms of life we have now. We have to get our shit straight, so very badly. I could rant for hours about how horribly and ungratefully we abuse our planet. Who makes you happy to be around? Sara! I feel like I can be my 100% authentic self, and we just vibe really well together. Like every time I've been there and she here, our friendship felt so natural and chill. I really, really need to save up for another trip up there. What secret have you tried to hide but it got out anyway? I kept the Joel situation to myself from pretty much everyone, but it eventually came out in front of Mom and Jason. It was actually the night of the breakup; I don't remember how it was relevant at all to mention, but I did in some form. Mom wisely never asked about it, and Jason obviously didn't. I was a stupid 12-year-old anyway, it's whatever now. Who/what is your everything? I will never. Ever. In five billion millennia. Let anyone be that again. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Ummm three? I think that's it. How many exes do you have? If I include everyone who ever had a title of "boyfriend/girlfriend," I have six. Who was your worst relationship with? Tyler. It was just pointless and the result of nothing but loneliness. What’s your ‘label’? (ex. punk, prep) I really, really don't care. Do you swear? How much? Like a sailor. I swore some beforehand, but I got really bad when Jason and I started dating. He swore a lot, and his mother did even more. I was around them as much as possible, so it rubbed off on me. What is the one thing that would make everything in your life fall apart? Losing my family, like being disowned or something like that. Especially when it comes to Mom. I rely on her so heavily, as much as I hate that. :/ What takes your breath away? Nature is very capable of that. Something like seeing big waterfalls in the mountains or something would marvel me. Are you patient? No, honestly. Are you a good dancer? No. Even when I took dance, I don't think I was great; however, I do think I was pretty skilled at clogging. Who would you call first in a life-threatening situation (not 911)? My mom. Who do you miss? Jason and his family, Megan, Alex, Hannia, Emily, Journee... a lot of people. Do you like snakes? I adore snakes.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''ballroom blitz'' by 3teeth

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sahbibabe · 4 years ago

Text

The Call

Soulmate AU

Sephiroth/Fem! Reader

You finally work up the courage to take the job. With Sephiroth away for some time and your friends' lives on the line, there is nothing else you can do.

IT HAD BEEN A LONG time since you had worn your merc uniform, even longer since you could actually fill it out without worrying about the baggy chest and hip area. Woven from hard adamantine threads, stained black, and supported with stretchy latex that allowed you free movement, it made you quite the formidable sight; your calm colored wardrobe of harem pants, skirts, t-shirts and tank tops just didn't seem to fit you when you looked at yourself in the mirror.

You had finally gotten up the courage to pry up your floorboards and take the darned thing out of its lockbox, after a few restless nights of contemplating the serious repercussions of going along with the Turk's request--or order, you should say. It wasn't as if you had a choice, either; you could accept it and rake in a hefty sum of gil that could make you a very wealthy woman, or you could sit back, reject it, and watch everyone you loved die. Rufus Shinra may be smarter than his father, but he was not above using the same dirty handed tricks to get what he wanted.

What you couldn't understand was why he had went through the trouble of digging you up out of retirement and sending his personal Turk squad to recruit you in the first place. There were plenty of other people who did the same thing you did, albeit they probably didn't have as high of a kill count, and ran as cheap as dirt. Then again, Rufus Shinra didn't do 'cheap'; he paid for results. Results that you, evidently, could give him.

Sephiroth had, for some reason, told you that he would not be in the area for quite some time after that encounter. Whether or not that meant he would be leaving Midgar as a whole was pretty vague; you couldn't help but wonder if he was doing the evil things Cloud always said he was up to. It didn't bother you, because in the end, it gave you time to work up the courage to dig out your suit and really think about what you would be doing for the next few months.

Killing Rufus' enemies. That was all you could come up with, how everything had been spun to you. He had a wealth of them, enough to have him effectively struck dead. No one believed for a second that he had nothing to do with his father's death; you didn't either, for that matter. No one that handsome and that confident stood at his own father's funeral and didn't shed a single tear without having a role to play.

All of this meant, in no short terms, you would be digging out your old merc contacts and being a mercenary full time once again. Your shop would have to be closed. You would be strictly in Shinra Central only, as close to Rufus Shinra as you could get, and working alongside his Turks to get your job done. You could only pray you didn't run into Cloud on your jobs, or you'd be in serious trouble.

You eyed the phone that Reno had sent you in the mail with suspicion. It sat on your nightstand, screen black, the Shinra logo plastered on the back for everyone to see. It had been outfitted with an industrial strength screen protector and case to withstand the jobs you would be doing. It only had one number in the contacts, labeled 'Mr. President', and if you wanted to accept this job, you'd be calling the man himself, not going through his goons to do it.

But before that, you had preparations to make. You hopped out of your suit and stowed it back in its box, sliding it under your bed and formulating an excuse. Your first plan was to tell everyone you were moving, but that wouldn't pan out; you would still have the building in your name, your personal items still all around the shop. Your second idea was that you were going to move to Sector Six as an entertainment teahouse, but you couldn't stomach that idea, and eventually settled on the real tear jerker: you had found a doctor in Sector Two who could treat your blindness permanently so your soulmate wouldn't have to constantly give you theirs. You would say that you had saved up enough money for the treatment and would be living there for a bit as you recovered.

In the meantime, you would allow Tifa to use it as a wayhouse for the little ones who tended to pop in every now and then to help out, or the abused women who needed a place to stay and have a proper bed. Your room would be off limits of course, your materia coming with you, but the rest was fair game, including the nice bathroom setup.

It was the best you could do as silent repayment for lying to them. You didn't want them to know about your past, even if they would say it was just that: the past. Unlike Cloud, you were stepping right back into it, far more easily than you liked to admit. The screams of your final victims seemed muted, dulled the more you silently slipped into the mind of a mercenary and no longer a citizen's.

So you made your excuse, refined it so that even you believed that was what you were doing, because it hurt you less. You couldn't stand the idea of saying it to their faces, so you wrote letters instead. You gave them to one of your kind neighbors, explaining the situation, and paid them heftily to deliver them on the day you left.

After that, it was as easy as sitting on your bed and making the call. Any other loose ends you would have Reno tie up for you, maybe Rude. But you couldn't let Rufus Shinra have the final word. It hadn't even been two weeks yet, not even six months, but if you wanted to do it before you chickened out, it had to be now.

You expected an assistant to pick up. Maybe even Reno or Rude. Instead, you were patched in to Rufus Shinra himself, sounding cool and calm.

His first remark to you was,"Reno said you would call before the deadline."

"I'm sure he did." You closed your eyes, silently slipping back into your mercenary habits. "Are there any details about my mission I should know beforehand?"

You had to fight to remain composed. This man could end your friends lives at the snap of a finger.

"Nothing that can't be given to you during an official briefing." He paused, considering. "Your files tell me that you're blind. Do I need to worry about your incompetence on that end?"

"No," you replied firmly. "I use my soulmate's to see. There will be no issues."

You'd just have to work around the thirty minute gaps. That was all.

"I see." You could hear him flip through pages, no doubt to the soulmate section. "You have no documented soulmate. I can assume you have no idea who they are?"

"Correct."

"Very well then." Rufus's tone of finality sent you for a loop. "You will begin a testing trial next week. You will visit Shinra Laboratories and submit yourself to a physical exam and what else they deem necessary in the next few days. Should you be unfit for the task, you will be conditioned until you are. Your ID will be updated to reflect your status immediately. Any other information will be delivered to you by Reno personally. Do you have any questions?"

You doubted he would answer them even if you did. "No, Mr. President."

"I'll see you next week."

Then the line went dead.

You stared at the phone for a few seconds before chunking it into your nightstand drawer.

Rufus Shinra had gotten the last word after all.

#final fantasy #final fantasy 7 remake #sephiroth x reader #soulmate au #soulmate

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saltoftheao3 · 6 years ago

Text

AO3 tags 101

So to classify its content Archive Of Our Own uses a system called “tagging”, and I’ve seen quite a lot of people puzzled as to how exactly it is used. This is going to be a long post trying to clear that up, and hopefully providing some help and orientation.

(i am going to use a lot of fanfiction terminology in this post – you can look a lot of it up in this post)

What is tagging?

To cite the AO3 FAQ: “A tag is a keyword or phrase that you add to your works to make them easier to find.“ Tags also have the, at least as important purpose, of helping readers avoid content they don’t want to read.

Some of the AO3 tags are more or less mandatory: you have to chose a fandom, a rating, an archive warning from the available options (and be it “chose not to use those options”).

Those mandatory tags have pretty detailed explanation boxes, which is why i’m focusing on the more puzzling domain of “Additional tags”, or “Freeform tags”:

(As said in its name, those tags are “freeform”, which means the author is entirely free to chose whatever keywords and catchphrase they want, be it some common tags, misspelled common tags, or new tags they’re introducing. If it’s a new tag, the AO3 tag wrangling staff then checks if it fits into a more common category, or if it stands on its own.

I’ve seen people asking the following questions:

Why do i have to use freeform tags?

Well first off you absolutely don’t have to. But it gives readers additional info on whether your fic fits their taste, and can therefore get more people to read it.

I know sometimes i look at the summary, think “meh”, but then i see in the tags that the fic uses some of my favorite tropes and end up giving it a shot.

Also, it helps people find your fic again! A former reader is wondering “Oh, dang, i don’t remember the name nor the author but it had unicorns and mutual pining”? If your fic uses those tags they can find it without any problem through the search engine.

And, and i can’t stress this enough: it helps people that absolutely loathe the kind of content you create (because sensibilities are different, so sometimes it’s bound to happen) to stay waaay clear of it. Which is good for everybody involved.

But what if it spoilers my story?

Fear not! AO3 offers the neat option to hide the freeform tags as a default (for logged-in users); so whether your readers decide to look at the tags or not is completely up to them.

Me? I very rarely look at tags. I dislike being spoilered, and i accept that i’ll probably end up reading things that don’t really float my boat as a consequence. And on the contrary i have friends who’d much rather put up with spoilers if it means they know what they’re getting into. Matter of personal taste, really!

As an author you can merely provide that option for readers who enjoy additional info beforehand. It’s a bit of a friendly courtesy.

How many tags should I use?

Again, it’s completely up to personal taste. I’m not a big fan of huge walls of tags, because i don’t think they’re read in details by most readers, so i’d recommend between 3-7 tags for shorter stories (<5k words). For longer stories, readers often want to know in more details in what journey they’re getting into, so up to twenty tags is game in my books. More than that tends to look cluttered and distracting (again, my biased opinion).

What kind of tags should I use?

*rubs hands* This is where I suggest my neat lil’ classification of freeform tags (with some minor overlaps here and there). It’s based on observations and my own fandom experiences, so obviously it has no objective value, but i think it’s still a good summary of the different types of freeform tags used for most fics. Some kind of fics (i’m thinking PWP) have slightly different tagging conventions, but the following typology applies to most stories.

You can use it as a checklist, or simply as inspiration on what kind of tags might apply to your fic.

Here’s my typology!

1. Format

These tags specify if your fic follows a particular fixed format in regard to length and style. Here’s some of the most common “format tags”:

(Double/Triple) Drabble

Epistolary

Ficlet (Collection)

Imagine

Novel/Novella

(Short) One Shot

Poetry

POV First Person

Self-Insert

Screenplay/Script Format

Songfic

Stand Alone

Vignette ...

2. Genre

This one’s already a bit more tricky because so often there’s no over-arching “genre” in which your fic might fit (which is why there’s all the other tags to help you put some kind of label on your content!). Still, genre is a pretty important descriptor for your content; hence here are some of the common “fanfic genres”:

Action/Adventure

Angst

Badfic

Character Study

Crack

Dark(-fic)

Fluff

Friendship

Humor

Horror

Kidfic

Romance

RPF/RPS

Porn Without Plot/Plot What Plot ...

3. Relationship to Canon

That’s one super cool in my books, because it’s sooo unique to fanfic. It specifies in what kind of relationship to the original content your story operates. Most common tags:

Alternate Timeline

Alternate Universe

Alternate Universe: X (e.g. werewolves)

Backstory

Canon-compliant

Canon-divergent

Crossover

Fix-It

Fusion

Missing Scene

Post-Canon

Pre-Canon/Pre-Series

Reboot ...

4. Fandom-specific tags

These tags are particularly relevant for book or movie series where the overarching fandom tag covers a really broad amount of content. Those tags give orientation in regards to which part of the canon content we’re talking about. For example, Harry Potter fandom may use terms like “Marauders’ Era” or “The Golden Trio Era” to specify what part of the original timeline the fic takes place in.

But they also apply to fandom-specific events like Big Bangs/Reverse Big Bang, or fandom-specific tropes, genres and fanfic conventions. These are different for every fandom!

5. Common Fanfic Tropes

There’s a slight overlapping with “genre”, but all in all those tropes are a bit more specific, though widespread enough to be recognizable to avid fanfic readers.

Domestic

Everyone is alive

Fuck or Die

Getting together

Hurt/Comfort

Pining

Sex Pollen

Slow Burn

Soulmates

Time Travel

UST

Whump ...

And last but not least:

6. Content Warnings

Reminder that there’s mandatory archive warnings for AO3’s big four (underage sexual content, non-con/rape, graphic depictions of violence, character death) that you have to use, or at least indicate to readers you chose not to use them.

You are not required to use further content warnings and no one can blame you for it, as long as you used the mandatory warnings properly. But there are some benefits to additional content warnings:

1. It frames the “problematic behavior XY” (e.g emotional blackmail) you depicted as a problematic behavior, which makes readers both aware that it’s Bad™ (important especially for younger audiences) and that the author knows it’s Bad™.

2. It helps people that wouldn’t enjoy that content avoid it, which, good for them, good for you

3. It helps people that are actively searching for specific dark and difficult topics, for whichever reason, to find them.

All in all i’d say it has established itself as a widespread fandom etiquette to tag content commonly viewed as squicky/triggery. Here are some of the most common ones:

(Past/Implied) (Child/Emotional) Abuse

Age Difference

Alcohol/Drugs

Body Horror

Coercion/Jealousy/Manipulation

(Very) Dubious Consent

Gore

Kinks

Mental Health Issues (Eating Disorders, PTSD, Depression etc.)

Pregnancy/Abortion/Miscarriage

(Internalized) Racism/Homophobia/Misogyny

Explicit Sexual Content

Terminal Illness

Torture

Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts ...

(and here’s a far more complete list of content warnings, but you get the gist)

Voilà!

#ao3 #tagging #ao3 tags #writing resource #writing ref #long post #fanfiction #could you believe i've wanted to write this post for almost 10 months now #content warnings

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nova-fanart-dump · 5 years ago

Text

Standing by as a casual observer to what's going on with the fish blog, I decided I'd make a single discourse-y post on it, then shut up. Because out of all nonsense on this website this discourse is the one I feel most passionately for, and as a relatively popular creator on other platforms, and one who's been uncomfortably silent on it before, I thought I might as well speak up.

Pro-shipper. Anti-anti. Whatever label you want to call it. That's me. If that makes you uncomfortable, or like you no longer want to read my stuff, that's fine; I cordially invite you to take the nearest exit ramp.

I'm not really inclined to write up the whole scientific basis, for why antis are full of shit. I do have advanced degrees in neuroscience and psychology, but if you're actually looking for a well-sourced academic essay, @antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx has a ton of citations and their field of study is even more appropriate than mine for this. I don't have the desire to write up my own essay on a such a basic, widely accepted tenet of psychology, that "writing dark content does not make you an abuser, writing 16/17 year old smut does not make you a goddamn pedophile", it's actually fucking WILD that this site has latched on to such an ice cold take severely lacking in scientific basis, but if you're sincerely looking for arguments about it, again, adybpt has all the sources, and I'd potentially be willing to chat about it a little in DMs. Mirror neurons are my jam.

I know I've been mistaken as an anti before, because I tend to write anti-approved things. Parental content, platonic content, Pure Pairings, little smut or slash. And in that anti-approved content, content I have watched proud anti-shippers gush over, I've written all the trash. Rape, torture, abuse, suffering, PTSD. Sex trafficking, child soldiers, substance abuse, mental illness. And it's certainly not all clearly condemned in the writing. I've written fucked up abuse apologism/borderline glamorization, and got all the praise for it, because it was for a Pure Pairing like Johnlock or Hyuroi, and meanwhile, watched some of those same people giving me positive comments turn around and lambast someone as a pedophile because they wrote a fluffy aged-up AU of Sheith. I have watched people I thought I knew, people I thought were my friends, laugh "sure, suicide baiting is bad,,, but like you ship royed, what do you expect." Over and over and over I've seen death threats, rape threats, mass harassment campaigns mounted, and it's as disgusting as the cognitive dissonance is astounding.

The reason I'm posting this is because writing what I do, what I have, was the only coping mechanism I had for a really long time. My teachers were friends with my abuser, my therapist willfully triggered and exacerbated a panic attack without my consent, and I didn't know how to reach out to friends: ALL I had was working out trauma through fiction. Properly tagged fiction, warned as such that if the content upset you, you would be warned beforehand and wouldn't have to see it, and I can't even begin to tell you how many comments and DMs I've gotten from fellow survivors wanting to tell me how much it helped them. And I'm tired of sitting here watching these rabid fucking asshats proclaim "it's for the children!!! we care about survivors!!!" as they suicide bait and harass those same survivors in the exact same breath, for not coping in a nice, socially pleasant, cutesy, Purity Police Approved way. I was lucky enough to cope in that socially acceptable way. Many people aren't, and they deserve exactly the same support I've gotten.

(And for all those that claim the Nasty Ships are only okay as long as it's Cope Shipping Only, you can take an exit ramp, too. It's a slap in the face. It's pouring gasoline on someone and threatening them with a lit match to disclose something deeply personal and traumatic, and then giving them a hug and pretending you're a hero for not setting them on fire. It's more insulting than the antis who don't even pretend to draw a line in the sand.)

tl;dr if you think calling someone a child molester because they followed a twitter account that posted lolicon one time last year is okay, if you think harassing someone for a Nasty Ship is in any way, shape, or form, okay, you are actively contributing to a toxic culture of bullying and harassment that has actively made fandom culture more dangerous for the very minors you want to protect. If you think I'm an abuse apologist, or whatever the fuck the buzzword is now, for writing about abuse, then you are welcome to leave.

#discourse #not art sorry #shipping discourse #fish discourse #okay to reblog #i'll shut up now bc this isn't a discourse blog and i will not make it one #and maybe no one will read this bc no one reads my tumblr #but i've been mistaken as an anti so any times #and watching how antis have behaved to fish just was the final straw

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