#without it making me want to fucking tear myself apart and bash myself against the fucking concrete

[nullnobodynothing]

for the record i fucking guess heres how shit just went:

1. said i looked sad. told him a little bit of how hard the past while has been and about the dissociative episode i had the other day felt and how much amnesia and how badly ive been doing since

2. asked if he could tell me something and talked about how scared he was about me cutting, his fears about me being out of control and that im going to die and hes going to find me

3. i clarified my experience in an attempt to alleviate his fears and tried to reassure him

4. he seemed to feel a little better, was going through the laundry found a shirt with blood on it i tried to hide and became very upset again. said somewhere in there (i think he asked? i think i was crying?) that im upset that im hurting him because im hurting. he said thats why he didnt want to talk about what hes thinking (i had asked what he was thinking and he had said still the bloody shirt and thats why he was having a hard time). like because i was upset that he was sad and scared because of me. (commentary; the shit i fucking go through trying not to KILL MYSELF)

5. ended up saying hes glad we talked about it and that he would be thinking about it (the self harm) anyway so not to feel guilty for bringing it up (i dont think i did?) because he wanted to talk about it anyway

6. somehow after that ended up talking about how hopeless he feels and his future is like a black hole and nothing brings him joy anymore. im jusy trying to fucking hold it together at this point.

7. i dont remember what else after that a bunch of shit where im just laying there wanting to leave and hes clinging to me going back and forth between being chatty and fine and crying about. stuff i wish i could remember. at the end a lot of me telling him i want him to be able to relax and feel satisfied with the time i spend with him and not talk about all this catastrophic shit when he has to wake up early for work and is trying to wind down

[ryanlockheart]

percy and andrew had been happily together since they met in college. not for one second had he ever doubted their love for each other or their happiness. they hardly ever fought, and when they did, it wasn't long before they made up. of course, percy understood why andrew would be apprehensive to approach him about his feelings for nate. he had the same feeling himself. he had worried that andrew would think he was unsatisfied or that he was just a slut — which he was for andrew and andrew only. he didn't even know how to reconcile his feelings for nate too until his boyfriend had come up with the genius idea to bring him into their relationship. "you looked extra hot tonight, daddy," percy hummed, nuzzling up against his neck to suck gently at the soft flesh. "seemed like you were a little more free tonight." he winked up at the redhead with a smirk on his lips. down on his knees then, he kept pressing andrew's cock deeper into this throat. he didn't care that he was gagging. he didn't care that tears were streaming down his porcelain face. he was making an utter mess of himself, but it was all worth it if it enticed nate... and luckily enough, it did. "definitely could handle you both — at the same time even... but think it's time for my daddy to get to be a little slut too," percy breathed out. he nuzzled his face up against andrew's balls and breathed him in. his tongue slipped out to lap at the soft flesh, doing his best to drive his boyfriend absolutely crazy. he giggled to himself softly, finding it nothing but absolutely adorable that andrew, the one who yanked his hair in bed and pounded him into the mattress, finally was getting to experiment with his submissive side and being absolutely bashful about it. "oops... sorry," percy said with a smirk on his lips. "may or may not told him a little bit about our last road trip too... y'know, when you had to pull over to the side of the road to piss... on me," he added quickly, hoping it'd go under the radar. things were going a million miles an hour, and percy could hardly keep his head on straight... but he wasn't going to fuck this up. this was going to make nate want to be apart of their relationship, and percy was going to up the ante. once drew was down on his knees too, the smallest boy nestled himself in front of nate. he rested on his calves as his hands finally snaked their way up to the button of his jeans. within moments, he had fished nate's hard cock out of his boxers and was now breathing in his masculine scent. "where do i start?" percy pretended to think out loud, slapping the massive length against his cheek. "hm... my favorite fantasy's probably you two comin' home from the gym together, all sweaty... and maybe you've already touched each other in the locker rooms or somethin', but i get to worship your bodies a-and fuck your feet," percy started, nearly drooling at the thought of it. "and just after i've cleaned up my mess, you pick me up and bend me into without a word... and you and drew both fuck me at the same time... and drew gets to play with my feet, and you both just use me 'til i'm all fucked out and goonin' so hard that i... that i just piss all over myself. 's that dirty enough for you, daddies?"

nate could hardly believe everything that was unfolding right before his eyes. he would've been lying if he said he hadn't thought about either of the boys before. truth be told, they both had been recurring in his fantasies, together and by themselves. just watching them getting so hot and heavy was turning nate on, and he couldn't help but think it was somehow directed towards him. maybe he was being conceited, maybe he was delusional... but it all made sense in his head when he took in consideration how the two boys had been touching all over him at the club. he was tempted to touch himself, to whip out his cock and stroke his cock to the sight... but when he spoke up, nate's suspicions were confirmed. "we'll have to put that to the test sometime, perce... but you're right, i wanna see your daddy be a good boy," he agreed with a nod. "think he's been waiting a long time for this. ain't that right?" nate had never had it easy growing up. he was the youngest of seven in middle of nowhere, texas, and attention was something he had to fight for. he reckoned his family had hardly realized he was gone when he finally set out for california... but percy and andrew? they gave him that attention he was so direly lacking, and they made him feel at ease. this was just the next step, so it seemed. "next time you try somethin' like that, i will, and i'll bring perce to suck you off while i pound you... and if you're still bein' a little whore, i might just let percy take a turn fucking you too," nate answered back. he knew getting involved with the two of them would be seen as a risk to most people, but it just made sense to nate. these past few months, he'd fallen in love with both of them. he never figured he'd have a way to get to have them both, but fate seemed to be on his side as his settled down on that couch. "oh, he definitely did, drew. told me all about how he got you to pull over and take a leak on him and how he drank it all down... might've thrown in a bit how you fucked him on the hood of your truck right there on the side of the road," nate recalled in nearly perfect detail. "was definitely thinkin' about that for weeks. was, like, the only thing i got off to. i mean, porn hasn't compared to y'all in ages — just so you know." he shrugged his shoulders, as if he hadn't just told his best friends in the entire world that they were the subjects of all his fantasies. if they doubted their feelings weren't reciprocated before, nate was happy to wash them all away. his socked feet found their way to andrew's face, his big toe pressed up against his lips in an attempt to get him to act. he would've been able to commit to the act more if that sudden wave of pleasure brought on by percy's tongue hadn't jolted him out of his line of thinking. "f-fuck," he muttered out, toes wiggling in pleasure. his hands tangled in percy's chestnut curls, tugging gently as he listened to all the filth that fell off the smaller boy's lips. "'d be real hot. might even plug your daddy up before we leave and let you eat my cum outta him. bet that'd drive you wild, perc," nate remarked. "oh, princess, that'll be a breeze. your daddy and i'll be sharing that pretty little pussy in no time. hell, maybe if you're good tonight, your daddy can pull himself away from my feet and let you have it." there was that smirk on his lips again, this time deeper and more mischievous. his brown eyes shifted to meet andrew's. there was something so sexy about andrew — so clean cut and proper — practically begging to get a taste of his sock, so sweaty it was nearly dripping. "and how about you, andrew? what filthy little dreams can i make come true for you? 'm guessin' it'll involve a lot of these bad boys," nate went on, his foot pressing up against the redhead's nose now. if he was going to take his time before, nate was going to be sure to expedite it now. he was eager to get things going. after all, he'd been waiting months for this.

percy was the great love of andrew's life, but there was plenty of room in his heart for nate. andrew couldn't explain how it was possible for him to love two people at once, but maybe he didn't need to. as long as percy felt the same, and nate could handle both of them, did it really matter? andrew had always wanted a family, and he felt the most at home with the two boys by his side. "and what did i do to earn such a pretty girl in my lap?" andrew spoke softly, flicking his fingers through the smaller boy's hair. he couldn't help but smirk as percy dropped to his knees, those soft lips wrapping themselves around his cock almost instantly. nate's presence was clearly having an effect on his boyfriend, and he couldn't deny that the same could be said for him. by the time nate finally spoke up, andrew's confidence was through the roof. that would only make it even sweeter when nate took control of him. "percy can absolutely handle two cocks, but i'm not gonna turn down the opportunity to gag all over that monster," he said with a smirk. andrew always knew that nate would fit perfectly between them, but hearing the other boy talk to percy in such a dominate way fully convinced him. percy needed someone with a lot of confidence and a strong hand to keep him in his place, and sometimes he needed the same thing. nate was the perfect person to meet both of their needs. "y-yeah, i might..." andrew replied, cheeks flushed. it was a side of himself that he had never explored, and only recently had he opened up to percy about it. "i was just dancing, it's not my fault that you were behind me. and let's not act like you weren't rock hard the entire time, nate... if you weren't such a great friend, you probably would've taken me to the bathroom and pounded me out right there." andrew's green eyes followed nate as he padded across the room, nearly drooling as those pits were put right before his face. if he only he would have had a couple more drinks, he would have dove right in. andrew nodded along as nate spoke, his eyes flickering between nate and percy — just to make sure his boyfriend was still on board with everything that was happening. "percy! i can't believe you told him that," andrew groaned, though he couldn't hide the way his eyes haphazardly dropped down to nate's feet. "that was supposed to be a secret, but i guess my boyfriend here doesn't know how to keep his pretty little mouth shut. i don't even want to know what else he's told you." still, andrew fell to his knees in front of nate, pulling percy along with him. "we're gonna treat you like the man you are, but since my little princess likes to spill all of my business... why don't you tell him about your dirty little fantasies first? and get a good whiff of his balls while you do it."

[tteokdoroki]

what he lost | k.bakugou.

⇝ pairing: katsuki bakugou x fem!reader.

⇝ word count: 5.4K

⇝ rating: for everyone.

⇝ genre: pro hero!au, exes!au, angst.

⇝ summary: back then; he was young, dumb and a little too prideful, taking your love for granted. now, years down the line he wonders if he’ll ever stand a chance in getting you back or the one in which katsuki bakugou grew up a little too late.

⇝ warning(s): please read ! heavy angst, no happy ending, mentions of toxic relationships, emotional distress, mentions of violence ( explosions, fight scenes, knives, blood ) and cursing all around.

⇝ author’s note(s): greetings everyone!! i hope you’re all doing well, today’s one-shot is a request from @killakatsuki​​, i know you wanted a happy ending but i got a little ahead of myself eee !! anyways thank you all for 400+ followers, i love you all :(

⇝ masterlist | requests

“katsuki bakugou if you leave me right now, please... please don’t come back.”

bakugou had always hated that, he thought, casting his gaze elsewhere in the room. he always hated how you cried when you were angry, red hot tears stinging a pathway down the apples of your usually glowing cheeks.

he couldn’t quite place the reasoning as to why. maybe it was because you rarely ever found yourself angry or perhaps it was how pathetic you looked when your bottom lip wobbled and your harsh words were laced with watery sobs.

or maybe it was because he didn’t want to feel sorry for you, didn’t want to comfort you when he was too prideful to admit that you were right. “whatever, don’t tell me what the fuck to do.” he spits, eyes and voice full of a venom he barely ever uses against you. he watches with a scarlet gaze as you falter, as if a knife has dug deep into your heart and cut you all up but bakugou only scoffs and continues to pack his side kick costume into the duffle bag he’s got on your shared bed.

every fibre of his being is tell him to reach out for you and apologise, he knows that he’s wrong. keeping his late night shifts from you, working extra hours— of course you were going to worry but he needed you to understand that being a hero was his dream above all else. the last thing he needed was a distraction like you.

something in you changed that night, both of you. as the rain hit hard on the roof of your shared apartment, even as you took his things and threw them out into the hall and even as you gave him one last chance on the doorstep. “you can leave now and not comeback or you can stay and we’ll talk this through—“ your eyes spoke to him in a silent plead, asking him if he would really give up the life that you’d built for lies and a better job?

but you knew the answer already.

“like i said,” katsuki rolled his eyes as knowing sobs wracked your body. “i never needed you anyways.”

you slammed the door before he could walk away and forget the tears in your eyes.

six years later and katsuki is pissed.

he’d been irritable since this morning when his interns fucked up the paperwork at his agency— leaving him to clean it up and then when his assistant brought him the wrong coffee and forgot to notify him of the pro hero meeting he was currently attending right at this very minute.

of course heroes of all different calibers were present; including none other than the number two, shoto todoroki, who was in charge of directing this week’s patrol missions but something about that only grinds the explosive pro’s gears even more. although, he could see himself being even more pissed if the number one; deku had shown his face instead of being away on an overseas mission. the schedule for this week’s patrol sits heavily in bakugou’s hand and he almost wants to burn it to pieces just at the thought of working with his future partner.

‘yn ln.’

the sight of your name printed in block capitals next to his has the ash blonde reeling, glancing up to send a blazing scowl towards shoto. he feels set up, as if the half hot, half cold bastard is dangling you right in front of him— its not like todoroki doesn’t know the history that sits between bakugou and yourself, after all,  he had been the friend you’d ran off to during the fight that ended your five year relationship.

it’s like todoroki had a sixth sense because by the time he’d finish announcing the pair ups, he’d tiredly caught wind of katsuki’s heated stare. “bakugou—“

“i wanna fuckin’ switch, icyhot.”

“you can’t.”

bakugou stands from his seat next to kirishima ( who only looks apologetically at his colleagues ), annoyance rippling through his veins as he approaches the taller male. “why the fuck not?” he growls, small explosions sparking in the palms of his sweaty hands ( he was undeniably nervous because of the impending patrol ) the group of heroes simultaneously sigh— having been used to the explosive pro’s usual outbursts.

todoroki sighs, running his cooler hand over his face. “because the pairs have been matched up by quirk and strength, on top of that they were done in advance so if you really have a problem with it then i suggest you take it up with the number one—“ the dual quirked hero falls silent, a triumphant smirk appearing on his lips as red riot pulls his friend away before it’s too late.

“dude, you can’t just go blowing people up!” the red head scolds beneath bakugou’s sailor mouth, wrestling him over to the couch.

katsuki feels defeated, there’s no way to get out of this situation. he’s done his best these last few years to avoid you like the plague. it was somewhat easy, considering you were lower in the ranks compared to him, so there wasn’t much time to interact anyway. but katsuki hated the fact that he had always thought you would fall below him.

nonetheless; he took to switching event time tables around, rejecting hang outs with his old high school friends... all to avoid you, and now that he had to see you face to face, he wasn’t sure how to react. would you still hate him? how did you feel about working with him?

there’s not much time to dwell on the thought for kirishima is already patting his back and guiding him out of the meeting as it ends, the promise of drinks at an ‘heroes only bar’ hanging in the air.

“you’re so handsome, ground zero ! thank you for protecting japan !”

bakugou can feel the bile rising in the back of his throat at the words from the sickly sweet fan, so he gives a nonchalant grunt in response as he finishes up his signature on her notebook before continuing his march to your hero agency. it’s been a few days since the meeting between the pro heroes and all the number three wants is to make it to your agency without being fawned over by more obsessive fans.

he gives the fan a casual wave, ignoring the look of disappointment on her face— either she was expecting his number or for him to grow bashful under her flurry of compliments but katsuki was never one for fan service.

he hated fans that expected something from him, ones who wanted more than a casual chat with their favourite pro hero but he wouldn’t let them in. they didn’t want the intimate, vulnerable sides of katsuki bakugou like you had— maybe that made the ash blonde stuck on you.

yn ln was the only girl in his life who had tried to understand the many layers of the hot headed hero, you saw past his aggressive nature and touched the deepest parts of his soul…parts that you longed to love and keep safe.

you’d loved him for who he was below the surface, not for the money and fame he had come to amass as number three in the ranks.

behind scarlet eyes are the best moments of the hero’s life, each shared with you. katsuki had took for granted the seconds you had been with him, even from the very start— he didn’t care for the way that you held him after he’d been kidnapped, clinging onto him like he’d disappear or would never return to your arms, he should have cherished the tears of worry you shed for him too but katsuki was too prideful at the time.

too full of himself even with his raging nightmares that you had managed to soothe.  

you’d comforted him after he’d failed the licensing exams, promised him he’d still get to be the greatest hero of all time and still, bakugou had cared for none of this. now that he’d thought about it, he hadn’t been good to you, he didn’t know how you’d dealt with they way he undermined your quirk and doubted your ability to protect him when he should have been the one to protect you.

your love was wasted on him, and for that bakugou needed to apologise.

hands in his pockets, katsuki’s mind could have been said to be away with the fairies, haunted by the night he came home with a half hearted apology on his lips to an empty apartment and a note from you. something about staying with the icyhot bastard and not to contact you.

that is until he collided with the back of someone in the crowd. “hey!” he’s quick to growl out to the figure, a slight snarl to the words leaving his mouth. “watch where you’re going, shitty extra—“

“ah, katsuki! nice to see you haven’t changed,” your voice sends shivers down the blonde’s spine, bright red eyes focusing on you and only you. your smile is bright, dazzling under the hot japan sun and even if katsuki hadn’t changed, you certainly had— your pretty eyes he used to get lost in, he used to watch glimmer with tears now hold a different kind of light, they greyish hue that dulled you over your time with him had finally cleared.

you looked healthy, happier and bakugou realises how much your relationship must’ve wore you down.

he feels like he doesn’t deserve the grin that you give him; the one you would save just for him in the early mornings you’d spent together back when you were dating. maybe that makes his heart jumps out of his chest.

“y-yn— “

he hadn’t prepared himself for your sweet, airy giggle that fills the space between you. “ground zero getting shy on me now? don’t tell me you forgot about our shift today, did’ya?”

“n-no, ‘course not, dumbass.” fuck, katsuki’s heart thumps against his ribcage so loud that he’s afraid you might hear it with the little distance between you. since when did you make him nervous? despite the pet name, you still give him a laugh as a flicker of fondness twinges in your bright eyes.

it’s quickly replaced when you blink it away, beckoning ground zero into your hero offices. “nice to see that sailor’s mouth hasn’t changed either ,” you mumble more so to yourself than him. bakugou walks a few paces behind you while you explain to him that you have to finish assigning your sidekicks and interns a few low level missions before you can head off for the day.

the group of young heroes are excitable, seemingly loving the opportunity to work with you— their chatter is loud but it gives katsuki time to drink you in.

crimson eyes travel over your form while you talk— your hero costume has changed a lot since your U.A and sidekick days.

you’d interned under the number two at the time, hawks, thus leading you to have become one of his most trusted sidekicks. no doubt; his skill level had not only  improved your abilities, how you controlled your quirk but your costume as well.

your quirk was known as lullaby, if you could sing a tune in the right pitch to certain groups of people, it allowed you control over the abilities and to put them to sleep. this obviously however meant you were poor at short distance attacks— something bakugou always teased you for, so he was excited to see how you’d improved.

your suit had a visor that allowed you to amplify your quirk, while patterns of the night sky dressed your body— paying homage to your hero name ‘nightsky’.

katsuki felt bad to imprinting the image of your skin tight, midnight blue suit into his mind but back when he had known you like you were his, your costume hadn’t been nearly as advanced as this.

snapping fingers pull him from his thoughts before they can get too hazy.

“eyes are up here, explosion boy.”

katsuki’s gaze snaps up to meet yours, an angry red to rival his gemstone eyes spreading like wildfire across his cheeks. “i wasn’t staring.” he tries his best to defend himself, but your knowing look tells him that you’ve caught him red handed.

“of course you weren’t, sidekicks left about ten minutes ago so we can head out  now—unless you want to keep glaring daggers at my boobs, katsu.” you’re teasing him, voice dripping like honey off of a spoon as you waltz back out onto the streets of japan and leave a bewildered ground zero behind you.

you’ve changed so much since your relationship ended with bakugou, you’re stronger, a vixen and more confident in yourself.

and he hates knowing that he’s the one that kept you down all this time.

patrol remains uneventful even as the afternoon goes on and the stress of japan begin to fill with citizens for the oncoming rush hour.

the lack of action has lead your conversation to die within the wind and leaves katsuki alone with his thoughts for the time being— you only really speak when you catch the blonde staring you down or when he accidentally walks into something ( highly unusual for him ) but he enjoys the seconds where your teasing voice tickles the tips of his ears and you smile so wide his own lips pull into somewhat of a grin.

bakugou doesn’t know why he’s so quiet, not when the storm in his mind brews all the words he should have said to you years ago. the apologies, the grateful thanks that you deserved; none of these could fall from his tongue.

he liked to say he never had the opportunity, which was partly true you were both up and coming herores yes, but you had damn well made sure you’d never have to encounter bakugou unless the situation required it. and it seemed, that years down the line, he was still doing the same.

the thought alone cause nerves to choke him from the inside out, building up in his throat until all he can do is grunt in frustration—  kicking an empty can along the road you’re currently walking down.

“that’s unlike you,” your chuckle cuts through the thick fog of katsuki’s mind, drawing deep red eyes towards your frame. you walk in front of him now, arms folded behind your head while you step backwards— the sight almost comical to anyone passing by. bakugou must look just as shocked because some how he manages to pull the cutest snort from you, even as his face morphs into a snarl and he marches forward to fall into pace with your steps. your eyes dazzle with your next words. “the great katsuki bakugou, quiet? never thought i’d see the day.”

you’ve always been able to read him like an open book, seeing right through the front he puts on. “i haven’t changed.” he grunts through his teeth.

katsuki stops walking when you do, now standing a breaths width away from you. electricity jumps between you both, static forming in the finger tips that just barely brush against bakugou’s arm.

your eyes spell it out for him, clear as day, as you finally reach out to touch him. His own close at the brief gesture, the pain from having lost you blooming across his chest.

“you did.” you breathe out,  the warmth of your soft voice making katsuki’s eyes screw shut.

he could never get a lie past you.

“we both did.”

vermillion eyes open, trying to seek you out in the light of the day as bakugou wills and prays that he can say what he needs to right now, to get you back but he doesn’t have the chance as an explosion cuts through the building on your left.

bakugou manages to wrap his arms around you, shielding you from the blast before you hit the ground. the impulse sends you  both rolling down the street, small grunts escaping you until you roll to a halt and end up on top of katsuki— straddling him.

dust and debris surrounds the pair of you, creating a thick smog in the air as sirens and screams sound off in the distance. the explosive hero groans in pain— no doubt with a litter of bruises forming under his suit but he has no time to register the sting properly before he’s noticing you on top of him, smirk on your face, devilish glint to your eye.

you’ve been waiting for some action all day.

you’re gone in the blink of an eye, so you must have a plan. katsuki remembers from high school that you made up for strategy where you once lacked in strength, so it’s no surprise to him that you’re already on the move. meanwhile; you manage to slide undetected through the smoke, moving fast to take out the low level criminals.

it’s only a robbery, but the explosion could have caused more casualties than you would have liked. you trust that bakugou can take care of the civilians and bring them out of harms way as you do your best o sus out the ringleader.

the grey tinted fog that sweeps over the area allows you both to work quickly; neither of you need to say anything, for one it would give away your position and secondly— there’s an underlying trust in one another that the two of you had built up when you worked together while dating.

bakugou, through his end, tackles down the small group of criminals after clearing the area and making sure no one was hurt. emergency services had been alerted and were already on their way, all there was now, was to predict your next movements and follow your lead. he’d never liked being bossed about, but the look in your eye made him believe you knew what you were doing.

you were right, you’d both changed. you might as well have been a better hero than him.

the ash blonde follows the trail of unconscious wannabe villains to your whereabouts, he only knows that they’re unconscious because of your ability to put people to sleep with your quirk— all you had to do was get close to them, which wouldn’t have been hard as katsuki knew first hand that these guys’ quirks weren’t shit.

“it’s almost funny, how you thought you could pull a stunt like this on a day when all of japan’s biggest heroes are in one place,” bakugou’s ears pick up on you teasing the criminal leader with that smooth chocolate voice and he follows it deeper into the air that’s heavy with debris— glad you were able to find him before the smoke cleared. “even with the number one out of town, tsk, you should have known better…”

the hot headed pro spots you, holding the hooded ringleader in a choke hold with only your thighs as you sit on his shoulders— eyes wide with victory.

he recognises the dip in your voice as you adjust your tone to put the guy to sleep and call it a day. you’re powerful, a great pro and bakugou watches with awe while you get ready to take this guy down once and for all.

“so cocky, nightsky— why do you think we chose attack the street you were on?” the guy spits through clenched teeth, resisting the urge to succumb to your lullaby of a voice.

brows furrowing, you decide not to dwell on the criminal’s words before leaning down to whisper. “sleep...” but katsuki’s body comes alive with fear as the villain wannabe jams a blade into your thigh, causing your grip on him to loosen enough for him to throw you to the floor and put a boot to your throat. “oh miss nightsky, you really rely too much on your quirk and not enough on your senses. hmm, i think it’s time we say goodnight, don’t you?” the guy chuckles while you squirm under his foot— the need for air burning sharply at your lungs.

bakugou, who’s remained hidden this entire time feels himself snap— a heavy explosion loading up behind his gauntlets while he launches himself right into the scene. he won’t let you struggle for your life, not on his watch. “GET YOUR FILTHY FUCKIN’ HANDS OFF OF HER!”

he reaches the criminal just before your eyes roll back into your head, an explosive right hook colliding with their cheek and sending them flying down the street.

the ash blonde reaches down to pull you up into his chest, that very same one heaving with laboured breaths; you’re shaking but it’s nothing you can’t handle even with the red lines at your throat.

“you good?”

“better, thanks to you.”

there’s a look that you wear right now, one that katsuki recognises from years of training and running into fights with you— you want to do the move. he nods at you, vermillion eyes lighting up with a bright fire while you grip onto ground zero’s wrists.

just as the villain stands, you kick your feet off the ground and in the meantime bakugou begins to twirl you in circular motions until you’ve built up enough momentum for him to throw you towards the criminal.

you collide with his back foot first, knocking him to the ground as your eyes glow a bright white. “i said, go the fuck to sleep.”

the criminal drops to sleep and you roll to the ground after taking him out. you smile to yourself at the familiar wail of sirens in the background but don’t bother to make an effort to stand up, letting the exhaustion, pain from the wound in your thigh and bruises at your neck finally flood your body.

sitting beside you, bakugou smirks and holds a fist out to you. “still got it,” he gestures between the pair of you, the same signature move you’ve been doing since high school having worked successfully once again.

“still got it.” you look up to the now clear sky, fist bumping bakugou right back.

he’s going to do it, he thinks, he’s going to apologise.

after everything you and bakugou had been through, something in his chest was relieved to know that you didn’t hate him, something in him is lead to believe that you’re going to give him another chance.

katsuki watches you now, an attendant from the paramedics that you called working on patching up the gash in your thigh while you rub a salve into your neck.

despite the pain you must be in; you’re still glowing, still smiling even when fans ask you for autographs or tell you how brave you were during the fight. you’re so genuine, such a ray of sunshine in the world and bakugou can feel himself falling for you all over again.

“Is that all mr. ground zero, sir?” an officer asks, taking down notes for the report about the incident. the hero nods, waving the kid off after giving them all of the details from today. they thank him and he finds himself marching over to you almost immediately, now that you’re all bandaged up.

“walking already, ln? are you sure it doesn’t hurt?”

you beam up at the ash blonde, hopping out of the back of the ambulance and rubbing at the tear in your hero costume where the cut is. “it’s good, stings a little but i’ve seen worse on you,” you comment to him, beginning your stride back to your agency.

“and who’s fault is that, dumbass?” a genuine laughter bubbles in bakugou’s throat, albeit raspy, its not a foreign sound to your ears and it makes you laugh along with him.

he knows you’re referencing the many times you’d kicked hiss ass when sparring from high school to your side kick days. back then you‘d have traced every scar that littered his pretty body and told him how much you loved him.

katsuki aids you while you head back to the nightsky agency, you insist that you don’t need help to walk but you’re limping and the explosive pro hero is stubborn as hell— he’s not about to let you get hurt again, even if its physically and not mentally like he had done to you before.

with the lighter mood, memories flitter between you both— you mention how katsuki used to love his food so spicy you would cry and he brings up the time you had given him and kirishima a bout of food poisoning when you’d come up with an alternative to the latter’s cooking. the stories don’t seem to end even as you lean into him more; trusting him again.

“about what i said earlier…” you begin after finally coming to a halt outside your agency building, a scarlet gaze full of fondness lands on you. you turn to face him with the softest of smiles, half chewing on your bottom lip— something he knew you did when you were nervous. “you’re different, to how…how you were back then and it’s good, katsuki you’re so good…”

there’s a breath of silence, only filled by the quiet hum of city traffic where people are travelling to and from home. “i’m glad i had time to become good,” bakugou offers, forgoing the words ‘for you’ and pausing instead. “i regret who i was back then, with you… thought it made you hate me and that you wouldn’t fuckin’ work with me today.”

you shake your head, breaking contact with bakugou to paw at the stupid tears preparing to make their way down your cheeks. “i-i did hate you for a while, after everything…but we were young and dumb and—“ you freeze as the ash blonde wipes a stray tear from your cheek, you not having realised that it’d escaped. “and i’m so thankful to have met you, to have shared a love with you, you taught me so much and that i could never hate you for.”

“yn...i—“ i love you. i’m sorry. i should have loved you better. the words are there, the ones that katsuki always told himself he would say to you if he had the chance but he finds himself frozen and unable to speak. why? why now? when the perfect chance sat right in front of him, the perfect time for him to make it up to you.

to start over.

“yes, katsuki?”

to get you back.

“yn i’m sorry—“

“—guess who?”

a sing song voice full of positivity bursts through the moment while a pair of hands clasp their way over your pretty eyes and hide them away from the world.

bakugou instantly recognises the voice as belonging to none other than his childhood rival and number one pro hero, deku. he seems to have changed— grown taller, green hair shaved at the sides for an undercut.

the ash blonde isn’t very sure what else has changed, but then again they hadn’t seen much of each other as sidekicks, working under different agencies with different missions.

it was only as they started competing for the top ranks that they started to run the same circles— but bakugou had no idea how you would’ve come to know deku since the blonde hated him and you were dating each other for most of that time.

katsuki is just about to tell the green haired idiot to ‘fuck the fuck off’ for ruining his moment when you do the unexpected.

you clasp your hands over midoriya’s, cheeky smile gracing your lips as you attempt to pull them away from your face. “let me think, could it be? izuku midoriya?” relenting to your cheery voice— deku pulls away from you, hands falling to grip your waist sweetly. possesively. horror flashes behind bakugou’s raging red eyes. you turn in his rival’s strong arms, smiling so hard that it delves deep into the apples of your cheeks. “izu ! when did you get back? i thought you wouldn’t make it in time for today…”

“flew in this morning doll, i wanted to surprise you—“ the number one beams down at you and bakugou’s world crumbles when you cut him off while pressing a chaste kiss to deku’s lips right in front of his eyes.

this couldn’t be happening...since when were you and the damn nerd a thing? why didn’t he realise? why didn’t he grow up and try and get you back sooner?

he has no choice but to sit and stare, a dark cloud now sitting over his shattered heart.

all the while, you’re giggling into deku’s lips, fumbling over his hands that pinch at your sides just to get you to gasp enough for him to kiss you more.  the painful ( well, only for the explosive pro ) lip lock ends when you both come up for air and your eyes land on your ex boyfriend.

“ah, katsuki ! you remember deku right? wait that’s a dumb question you were literally childhood friends—“ you start to ramble, mind getting away from you and katsuki barely registers anything that leaves your lips. his crimson eyes lock with the emerald ones that stare right back at him and hurt swells in his chest.

to deku, he must look like a kicked puppy. a weakling. a loser.

all the things he had labelled izuku midoriya when they were kids.

when bakugou tunes back into your excited rambling, his heart cracks even more in his chest. “this green giant flew all the way in from overseas to come home for wedding planning ! can you believe it?”  the answer to your question is an obvious no.

he had no idea that you had been seeing the number one, let alone being engaged to him. the hot headed hero freezes in his spot when you reach down the chest of your hero costume to pull out a silver necklace.

on the end of it, an engagement ring with a tiny emerald in it’s centre.

katsuki bakugou feels sick, bile rising up in his throat. he’d really lost you. really. “...pretty thing that is, congratulations.” he mentions blankly, eyes trained on midoriya once again. you don’t notice, but deku does and bakugou hates the sympathetic, apologetic look that the fucking nerd gives him.

“mhm ! izu put it on a necklace for me because, well you know, i’m clumsy and didn’t want to lose the thing,”

you’re so clueless that it hurts, burning katsuki from the inside out. that should be him. it should be his arms around you, his lips on yours, his engagement ring on that fucking necklace. not deku’s, not anyone’s. the green headed hero beside you seems to notice the distress ebbing away at your ex and tilts your head up to look at him. “doll, why don’t you head inside and change into something more comfy real quick? we’ve got cake tasting in an hour…”

the tail end of deku’s words are drowned out by your happily animated squeal and with a quick nod you press a kiss to his freckled cheek and bounce inside— missing the way bakugou winces at your display of affection.

it’s quiet despite the bustling sounds of the city but neither if them know what to say, even as the minutes pass.

bakugou knows that you’d be better off with deku, he would treat you right and give you the love that you deserved all along. but that didn’t make it any less painful.

“kacchan, look...“ the number one says eventually, green eyes swirling with guilt. “i’m sorry—“

the blonde shakes his head, spitting his words out through gritted teeth. “don’t...just,” fuck, it hurts to breathe. “just…take care of her for me, you got that deku?”

“yeah, of course…”

the pair of childhood rivals don’t have much time to speak after that, for you’re already bounding out of your agency wearing a comfortable mint green summer dress and pair of red sneakers to rival deku’s, despite the thick bandage to your thigh.

“ready to go?” you ask your fiancé, face as warm and as bright as it had once been when you used to look at bakugou. izuku nods, delight dancing in his eyes despite the nervous chew to his bottom lip, before letting you turn to your ex lover. “great ! well, see you around kasuki, don’t be a stranger ! we’ve got to catch up again sometime, alright?”

you link arms with izuku midoriya, your fiancé, after that—walking away and  leaving ground zero in the dust.

he doesn’t know how long he stands there for, heart in his hands even while he comes to the realisation that you hadn’t gone to todoroki that night when you’d left. no, you’d only told him that so it hurt a little less when he found out midoriya had been the one to look after you. you’d lied because you’d loved him.

you lie because you love him.

and it was only now that katsuki bakugou had realised what he’d lost.

[seiyasabi]

A Shifter’s Dream

(This is a Yandere Bunny-Shifter N’Doul x Female Reader story :P Plz proceed w caution 

TW: !Noncon!, breeding kink!, hella cum!, he holds you down onto the mattress!, kinda sus bc u just turned 18, he deadass bites you, !pees on u in rabbit form, mounting!, mentions of euthanization of animals at the beginning!, etc..)

“-Mama, Mama!” Your voice echoes throughout the kitchen, as you hurry inside, hands clutching something protectively. Your mother turns, startled by your sudden appearance and anxious sounding voice. 

“What’s wrong? Did something happen? Did those neighbourhood boys bully you again?” Ever the mother hen, she frets over you, grabbing you gently by the shoulders and taking a good look at you. 

Shaking your head, you lift your hands, showing the older woman a taupe coloured rabbit, “Look! Mrs. Ruitz next door is selling bunnies! She says this one is blind, so she hasn’t sold it, so she said she’d give him to me if you say yes! Please, please, please say yes! She said she’d put him down if he wasn’t sold,” Tears bead your eyes as you practically beg your mother, who doesn’t seem to have the heart to tell you ‘no’ at that moment. 

She sighs, weighing her options. You’re already ten, so you should be able to take care of him with minimal effort on her part… 

“I suppose that’s alright. You just have to promise me that you’ll take care of him!” You instantly perk up, a bright smile on your face. 

“I promise! I promise!” You hold the bun closer to your chest, practically rocking it in the process, “Thank you, Mama!” 

The older woman smiles once more, patting you goodnaturedly on the back, “Good. Now, let’s go talk to Mrs. Ruitz- we have no idea how to take care of it.” 

Walking across the street, your mother and your neighbour talk about your bunny’s proper care. It turns out, your bun is a male, who is previously named N’Doul. Not wanting to confuse the bunny, you decided to keep his unusual name, chattering away happily to him as you sat in the grass, barely listening to his care requirements. 

The bun listens intently to what you’re saying, relishing your gentle hold around him. 

He must be lucky, he thinks, to have found someone as lovely as you for a mate. 

-

Eight years later, and you and your bun are still going strong. You’d recently moved into your own apartment, trying out adult life as you start college. 

Today is your birthday, officially making you an adult. 

The day was filled with festivities: your mom made you your favourite breakfast in bed (scaring you half to death- apparently she has a copy of your apartment key), your friends took you out shopping, and your mom took you to a birthday dinner. All in all, it was a great day! 

But, a certain bun was seemingly more excited than you were for your birthday, because he seemingly peed himself in excitement the moment you picked him up. Lightly scolding him, you set him down on his rabbit bed that you made him, “‘Doul, what the heck man!” You laugh a little, remembering back to when he was but a teeny kit, “You’re not a baby anymore, bubs, you can’t just pee on me!” The bun is surprisingly smart, allowing you to let him mosy around your house (now your own apartment that you saved up for for years). After he figures out the layout, he’s able to figure out where his pee pad is, along with his grass bed, actual bed, and food/drink area. He is also able to hear where you are, allowing him to cutely hop after you if you’re not already carrying him. 

Going to the bathroom to wash your hands, you hear his barely audible pawsteps behind you, “It’s okay, ‘Doul, I’m just gonna clean myself off, okay?” Flipping on your faucet, you get your hands nice and wet, before you pump some soap onto your hands, and start scrubbing, “Maybe I should shower now, since I’m already here…” You trail off when you feel you bun settle himself on your foot. 

Glancing down, you catch him just in time, as he starts to hump you. Gasping in surprise, you try to gently shake him off, but that seemingly just gets himself off faster, as you feel a foreign wetness against your skin, “What the fuck? Are you serious, N’Doul?!” Annoyed with the way he’s suddenly acting, once you finish washing your hands, you reach down, and scoop the bun up, “That’s not cool, bro. Because of that, you can wait in my room while I shower.” 

Plopping him in his bunny bed, you turn on your heel, and hurry back into the bathroom, closing the door before he can follow you inside. 

-

Stepping out of your shower, you wrap yourself securely with your plush towel. Not bothering to wipe off the steam from your mirror, you bust out of the bathroom, only to be greeted with your now empty room. The door leading to the hallway is wide open, and your bunny is nowhere to be seen. Completely stupefied, you have no idea how to respond. Did the bun hop up high enough to hit the handle? That should be impossible! A Holland Lop is big, but not that big! 

“N’Doul? Bun? Where on Earth did you go?” Deeming your bunny’s safety higher than you changing into clothing, you quickly move out of your room clad in only your towel. 

You go room by room, searching frantically for your beloved pet. He has to be here somewhere! 

So, when you finally make it to your living room/kitchen, you let out a yell of fear. There, on your couch, is a naked, bunny eared, buff man who’s humping into your previously used panties, “Who the hell are you! Get the fuck out of my house!” Reaching for the baseball bat in the hallway, you hold it up with one hand threateningly, the other currently holding your towel. 

A deep, rumbling laugh is heard from the mysterious man, who then tosses aside your soiled panties, “Don't be like that, Love. Your N’Doul only getting myself ready for you.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about? And what did you do with my bunny?” He chuckles, relishing your cute reaction. 

“I’m your bunny, (Your Name). I’m N’Doul.”

“The hell you are! Get out, before I bash your skull in!” He stands to his feet, completely towering over you. Gulping in fear, you move backwards, but then you notice his eyes. They’re the same milky white your bun has, “I-I’m warning you! Stay away from me, you creep!” 

He holds his hands up in mock surrender, showing how large his hands are compared to yours, “I’m not going to hurt you- I wouldn’t be a good mate if I did.” 

Without thinking, you chuck your baseball bat at his bunny-eared head, before turning and running to your room. You hear the metal bat make contact, along with a yelp of pain. Locking your door behind you, you search your room for your car keys. Not long after you dump out your purse in pursuit of your keys, you hear loud footsteps thumping towards you. 

A loud bang echoes throughout the room, as the man’s hit practically shakes the foundation of the wall, “Open the door, (Your Name)! Open it right now!” He sounds angry, and when you don’t respond fast enough, he starts trying to break down the door, his muscled body practically bending the thin wood with each body slam. 

Screaming in fear, you start to cry. Thick tears drip down your face, as you plead with him to stop, “I-I don’t want to! Get out of my house!” 

With one last mighty slam, the humanized N’Doul breaks into your bedroom. His nose is bleeding from the bat hitting him in the face, but other than that, he’s completely unscathed. Hearing you cry, he immediately goes to shush you, “Don’t cry, Love. Now that you’re considered an adult in your species, we can finally begin our life together.”

To his chagrin, you continue to sob, completely scared out of your mind, “No! Get out! Stop pretending to be my bunny, it’s weird!” He approaches you slowly, his much bigger form slightly bumping into a few pieces of furniture. This gives you enough time to make a break for it. 

You try to round his form, almost making it to what’s left of your bedroom door, only to be stopped by a meaty arm practically slamming you onto your bed. Trying to get up, you quickly realise that escape is impossible, as his muscular legs practically trap you against your mattress. He uses his weight to hold you down, as he bites into your neck, trying to make you submit. 

“Shh, stop resisting me, my Love. I promise that I’ll take care of you for the rest of our lives,” He continues to bite at you, as your screams are muffled into your sheets. 

His large hands rip your towel off of you, exposing your slightly wet body to his prying fingers. The rough pads of his fingers rub at your erect nipples and unprepared slit, trying to get you as wet as possible. 

“You’ll be a wonderful mother, I can tell you were made for this,” His cock head bumps against your tight entrance, forcing itself in as you scream. 

He starts a breakneck pace almost immediately, relishing how your walls massage him so sinfully- as if you were made for only him, his inexperienced fingers rub at your clit harshly, trying to make this as pleasurable for you as possible, 

Whilst this was happening, a bolt of pure pleasure shot up your spine, as he hit a certain gummy patch in your pussy, causing you to gush uncontrollably. Loud keens escape your gaping mouth, as his harsh ministrations are enough to almost make you cum immediately. 

“Fuck, your body accepts me so perfectly, Love. It’s like it knows I’m going to pump you full of kits,” He lightly slaps at your clit, causing you to seize up in orgasm, quickly throwing him over the edge as well. Hot, virile cum overflows your womb, his swimmers quickly inseminating you. But it’s not enough. N’Doul, moments after orgasm, bucks into you even harsher than before, wanting to push as much of his cum as possible inside of you, “My perfect mate, I love you so much! I knew you were the one for me from the first time I met you! Only the love of my life would accept me even with my blindness!” 

Still sensitive from before, the both of you hustle over the edge in mere moments, your release squirting all over the both of you. 

“We’re not stopping until I know that you're pregnant, my love. Our wonderful kits are such a good birthday present, no?”

[whumpingcrow]

A little blast from the past Gio whump for your day :)

CW: bbu and everything in relation to that, injury description, blood, degrading languages and themes, description of physical abuse, noncon mention (vague), starvation mention, death/murder mention, intimate/creepy whumper (let me know if i missed anything!)

"Stay still."

The voice was angry and hard, there wasn't even an inkling of compassion or tenderness hidden behind it. There was no amount of begging, no amount of desperation, that would make this better or easier or less painful. And yet, the small, trembling boy on his knees on the dark red mahogany floor was trying with everything he had to ease some of the torture.

"Please, s-sir," he sobbed, shaking in his voice just as much as he was in his poor, bruised up arms that he held falteringly out in front of him, "I'm sorry, sir, I re-really am-"

"Shut the fuck up. Stop moving or it's only going to be worse."

He was right, and the boy knew that, he'd been through some version of this time and time again, but he couldn't force himself to be still, couldn't force himself to stop crying. It hurt, the red welts spreading up and down his forearms were stinging and throbbing and he just wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry and cry and cry until it stopped hurting. But he couldn't, he was in trouble, and if he kept moving it would make it worse.

When the metal rod came down on his arms again, he howled in pain. His arms failed him, he was horrified in himself when he pulled them reflexively towards his body.

"No more!" He shrieked. "Please, please please no more!"

Even more frightening than the mans furious voice that he had been using before was the exasperated chuckle he let out after the boys begging. He let the iron fire poker scrape menacingly against the ground as he circled around the boys pathetic, trembling frame. He was small, even more so in the past week because of the most recent neglectful nature of his punishment. No food, no water, no sleep. He was exhausted and miserable, and it was showing.

"I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing you're incessant whining," he sighed. He was behind the boy now, watching his shoulders heave with each retched sob. "It isn't cute. It's incredibly irritating, really. You hear yourself, don't you? You hear how ridiculously annoying you sound?"

The boy whimpered, he caved in on himself a little further. He still didn't stop blubbering. "I-I-I...I'm s-sorry."

"No. No you aren't." He lifted the poker and placed it between the boys shoulder blades, pressing in just a little. He could feel the way he was shaking through the metal like electricity pulsing through a conductor. "That's the problem, you idiot. If you were sorry, you would stop."

"But I a-am! I'm sorry-" He wasn't allowed to finish, a blinding white pain spreading from the center of his back all the way to the front of his ribs from being whacked hard with the much too solid, much too real iron rod. He found himself wishing he had just kept his arms in front of him and taken that pain instead. Then there was a shoe digging right into the already bruising skin above his spine, pushing and pushing until he was flat on the ground.

"What's it gonna take to get you to shut up, you little brat? Huh?"

"S-Sir-"

"I didn't ask you to speak." His ribs creaked and ground into each other and against the hard floor when the shoe pressed harder into him. He writhed against the pressure, it was too much, he was going to break, he couldn't handle any more, he really, really couldn't take it. "Maybe I should just go ahead and crush your vocal chords. Then I could do whatever I want to you without the headache. Without the fucking....noise..."

The boy couldn't even breathe anymore, he felt like he was being positively crushed, he was just an insect under this mans foot, and soon all of his guts would just explode right out of him. He was terrified. "Please..." he managed in a wheeze. "Ple...please, si-agh!"

The shoe raised up for a split second, and the momentary relief was diminished to nothing when it stomped back down hard before leaving completely. And it didn't stop there, the fire poker came back, raining down hit after brutal hit against him. The boy was trying to crawl away in his pure, very human fear, fingernails clawing desperately at the wooden floors like his life depended on it. That was annoying, too, how he always acted like he was going to be murdered.

Finally, he dropped the poker to the ground with a loud clang, and he watched the boy crawl forward a few more inches until he reached the end of the bed and pressed himself miserably against the frame. He was hyperventilating, entire body jolting with each raw gasp. His eyes were glassed over, unseeing and far away, as the tall man approached him. He crouched down in front of him, grabbing a fistful of his hair. It was soft, it almost made him feel bad for hurting him so bad. Almost. The boy didn't make any noise now, apart from his quick breathing, and it earned him a minuscule smile.

"Oh, so you do know how to be quiet. Look at that." He turned the boys head side to side, drinking in all the barely readable signs of fear and discomfort, a twitch of the eyebrows, a trembling in his bottom lip, eyes blinking away the tears that he knew might get him in trouble. He was cute like that, the man had always thought, ever since the first time he'd been hurt. It was just a little punishment that time, a slap on the wrist in comparison to what had been done to him more recently. With a pleased hum, the man let go of his hair and trailed his thumb over the boys lips, tilting his head in amusement when his breathing picked up even more. "I love how you look when you're scared of me. It's the only time I don't want to bash your skull in."

The words sparked even more hysteria in the pitiful thing, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to lean away from his torturer, but he was trapped. He tried not to make any sounds, but once the man closed in on him and pressed bruising lips against his own, he couldn't help the fearful squeak he let out. He knew where that would lead, and his body was so battered and broken already he didn't think he'd be able to live through it. Thankfully, the man let the small noise go unnoticed, instead turning his focus onto the boys neck, leaving a different type of bruise there. There was nothing but hunger and twisted lust behind the action. And he knew from experience that it was only going to get worse from there.

"I can't..." he whimpered. "Please, sir. I will...I will do better. I'll b-be good, I promise, b-but I just...I c-can't...I can't..."

A groan against his skin told him that he'd really crossed the line, and then there were teeth in his skin, and then the man stood straight, towering over him. His hands were shaking in anger, and the boy started to cry again, but this time no sound came out.

When fists started buffeting against him, even more relentlessly than ever, he could barely hear his own shrieks and the mans cruel words. He caught some of what he said, heard him say "can't take this anymore," at some point he thought he heard "never want to see you again," and through all of the confusion and pain, he almost shot back, "yeah, right back at you!"

Right before the assault ended, when the boy was reduced to a bleeding, miserable lump on the ground, he heard one thing clear as day: "I can't do this. I've got to get rid of you before I fucking murder you myself."

The very next morning, the boy was back in a box in the back of a truck. He didn't know whether to be relieved he was away from the nightmare or be terrified of whatever it was that awaited him when the lid of the box was inevitably torn open again.

[holylulusworld]

For your celebration drabble can I have Jensen x fem Reader? Please make it super angsty. Maybe a break-up? Can the reader be pregnant too? Please, give mr a happy end with Jrensen. I don't have an idea for the fall/halloween theme. Can you chiose for me? Thank you

Walking by

11,000 Followers Fall & Halloween drabbles  

Summary: It’s been months since he left you. Now the man breaking your heart complains in public.

Warnings: angst, language, Jensen being a douche for a moment or two, break-up, pregnant reader, kinda public bashing (online/mentioned), comforting, fluff

Pairing: former Jensen x Reader

Characters: Jared Padalecki, Genevieve Padalecki, Ofc Judith

A/N: Inspired by Dido’s “Walking by”; lyrics taken from the song in Italics.

A/N2: Okay, that one got away from me and it’s longer than 500 words. I did not go for a happy ending but a hopeful one. I kept it open for the reader to decide if you give him a second chance.

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

You and him. Once upon a time you and Jensen were a whirlwind romance, maybe it was even love at first sight.

Now all you’ve got left of the love you shared is a bitter taste on your tongue.

His lawyer made sure you will keep your mouth shut about the break-up as in your love-sick state, you signed a confidentiality obligation when you got together. This means you are committed to pay penalty for every violation against the confidentiality obligation at the rate of 10,000, dollars.

Keep me locked up, keep me shut in

You can but my mind still roams free

You can keep me caged, you can tell me to be quiet

But I remember everything

Unlike you, Jensen preferred to tell everyone about your break-up. Even though it was him who broke things up, he insists you broke his heart, not the other way around.

Sometimes you look at your phone, shaking your head at the next hurtful interview. He’s a great actor, you give him that. Breaking up with you as he feared his career would be ruined if people get to know you used to work as an exotic dancer to pay for your study was not enough. No, Jensen must rub salt into the wounds he left.

Please don't forget that you broke your own heart

And don't forget that you lost your mind

“How does it feel to break a good man’s heart?” The paparazzi snarls at you. He’s getting into your personal space, taking pictures of you, and even worse, your six, months baby bump. “Is that the guy's child? The ones you left Jensen for?”

“Leave me alone. I got nothing to say to you,” brushing past the man you try to outrun him, but he runs after you, almost pushing you to the ground. 

“Hey, asshole! Leave the girl alone,” a familiar voice barks. “Don’t you have better things to do than hunting a – fuck me – pregnant woman?” Jared grumbles, wrapping his arms protectively around your waist whilst Gen threatens to call the cops.

“Get lost. Leave Y/N alone,” Gen warns, already dialing 911. “I swear we will sue you. We all saw you were about to attack a pregnant girl.”

“Classy,” the man spats. “You protect an unfaithful stripper girl who broke your best friend's heart…”

“Y/N,” Gen tries to touch your arm, but you shove her hand away. “Please, let us help you.”

“Leave me the fuck alone. All of you,” you wiggle out of Jared’s embrace, not wanting him to help you. “I don’t need you. I could’ve handled the situation all by myself, just like the last six months as no one wanted to hear my side of the story. Or rather, I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone the truth.”

Please stop tellin' everybody that I did it for you

'Cause every step I take I'm always here behind you

And I don't need words or anything from you

And I wish I'd never felt it, kept on walking by

And I wish I'd never met you, kept on walking by

You walk away, not listening to Gen or Jared calling your name. Ignoring their voices, you wipe a few tears away before you rush toward your car. 

“Y/N, please stop walking away.” Jared tries to catch up with you. He’s jogging now, worriedly placing one hand onto your shoulder. “Why don’t you tell us your side of the story?”

“If you want to know if the baby is Jensen’s, the answer is that its none of your fucking business. You should also know I can’t talk about anything including my relationship with Jensen as I don’t have 10,000 bucks to waste.” You walk by, ignoring Jared’s words. 

Keep me locked up, keep me shut in

But I remember everything

Please don't forget that you sought your own heart

And don't forget that you lost your way

“Another interview?” Judith, your best friend, sighs. “That bastard should shut his cakehole.” You snicker, giving her hand a tight squeeze. “Will he sue you if I kick his balls?”

“He would know I told you the reason for the break-up,” you look at the pictures on Jensen’s Instagram account, shaking your head. “Soon I’m out of here. I got a new job and will leave the country. No one cares about Supernatural in Denmark.”

“As far as you know,” Judith pokes your belly, hating you look sad. “How about we go for a walk in the park? You love the colorful leaves, I know it.”

“Jensen, he used to go with me for a walk in the park when the leaves started to change their color. He even collected a few for me,” you smile at the memory but then your face falls. “I thought he loves me until my past collided with his career.”

Please stop tellin' everybody that I did it for you

'Cause every step I take I'm always here behind you

And I don't need words or anything from you

And I wish I'd never seen it, kept on walking by

And I wish I'd never met you, kept on walking by

And I wish I'd never tried it, kept on walking by

And I wish I'd never felt it, kept on walking by

“He’s a fucking asshole who dared to say it was your fault he broke up with you. Period.” 

“I didn’t give him choice, you know. I said if he wants a break, this means we are over,” you whisper, running one hand over your swollen belly. 

“Let’s go to the park and enjoy the sun, the leaves and we can scream at guys who want to play football,” Judith holds out her hand, offering to go with you but you shake your head. “Not today?”

“Not today, Jude…”

The sun warms your face, and for a moment, you close your eyes to enjoy the warmth. There is a sadness in your heart you can’t shake off.

Yes, you told Jensen if he wants a break to overthink your relationship this means you are over, but you never thought he would go for it.

“Y/N,” there is this tiny voice in your head telling you to run, as fast as you can hearing his voice. “Please, give me a minute.”

“If you came to ask if I told Gen or Jared anything, you can go back home. Your fine lawyer made sure I can’t tell anyone you were the one who broke things off with me,” you grumble, glancing at the colorful leaves in Jensen’s hands.

“I didn’t come here to complain or to fight. I hoped you would be here,” Jensen mumbles stepping closer. “Shit, Y/N. I don’t know why I did not try to fix us.”

“You said everything I needed to know months ago. If you excuse me now, I got somewhere else to be. You know, when we met that day, the day you broke things off with your wife,” your voice cracks when you meet Jensen’s gaze. “The day you came to the club and poured your heart out, I should’ve never listened to your shit.”

You start to walk away, not missing the sob leaving Jensen’s lips. “Y/N, please. I know that you’ve got no reason to forgive me, not after I agreed to give all those stupid interviews. My management, they said you must take the blame for the break-up.” 

“Fuck you. Fuck your management,” you spat into Jensen’s face. “I got no reason to forgive you, and I won’t…”

“Baby…I love you,” shaking your head you wrap your arms around your waist. “I love you so much it hurts. I wish I told you sooner.”

“I wasn’t finished, Jensen. When we met the other week and you grasped for my arm to kiss me,” you huff, meeting his gaze one last time. “I should’ve kept on walking by. I wish I never met you. I wish I never felt anything for you. I wish I never saw the way you looked at me when you believed I wasn’t looking.” You sniffle, eyes cast down. “If I would’ve walked by, I wouldn’t be so much in love with you…”

Please stop tellin' everybody that I did it for you

'Cause every step I take I'm always here without you

And I don't need words or anything from you

And I wish I'd never met you, kept on walking by

And I wish I'd never felt it, kept on walking by

And I wish I'd never seen it, kept on walking by

And I wish I'd never met you, kept on walking by

“Baby girl,” Jensen steps closer to cup your face. His thumb wipes the tears away. “I can be a better man. I told everyone that it was me messing things up. It’s all over the media. I fired my management; lawyer and I will do anything you want me to do. Just…please…take me back…”

“Jay,” you choke his name out, fighting your tears. “I don’t think I can…”

“Please, don’t walk by. Please don’t forget about me,” Jensen presses his forehead against yours, praying you’ll be able to forgive him. “I…I wasn’t with anyone, I swear. I regretted my decision the moment I left your apartment, but it was too late. Honestly, I was there, at your home, more than once but feared you would hate me.”

“I can’t, Jensen. Not now,” you run off, tears falling now.

“Y/N, please...just give me a chance,” Jensen runs after you, grasping for your hand. “All I’m asking for is that we talk things out. Please...”

“Jensen,” voice trembling you look up at Jensen. “Okay. I can try to talk things out, but that’s all I’m willing to give...”

SPN Forever Tags

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--------------------------------------

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags   

@spnfamily-j2

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@peaches007 

[descendantofthesparrow]

Shuffle Playlist - Rewrite - Part of Your World - Harry Hook x Reader - Part 14 - Discoveries

=

Evie hung one of the last dresses on the transportation rack, when a knock sounded on her door. She pushed the dresses apart for her to step on the other side and called out; “come in!” Doug entered moments later, a smile on his face.

“Hey! How was the camping trip?” Evie turned to him with furrowed brows.

“C-Camping?” Doug's smile diminished and he looked at her slightly confused.

“yeah?” He tilted his head at Evie “Carlos and Jay said you and the others went on a last-minute camping trip to relax?...is-is that not what you did?” Evie sighed, the questions running through her mind stopping as she realized what had happened.

“oh, um, yeah they lied to you” Doug looked a bit offended “you see, Ben was kidnapped on the isle” now he looked alarmed “let me finish, we saved him and saved Auradon” Doug let out a small sigh of relief and took Evie's hands.

“is everyone okay?” Evie looked off to the side for a moment “you hesitated what happened” She grimaced and shook her head a bit.

“um, well…you know how our parents are kinda pieces of shit?” Doug looked surprised at the swear but nodded “well… Harry's dad is…kinda really bad and…that didn’t turn out well on Harry's side…that’s all I’m saying” she gave a small smile and turned, grabbing some of Dizzy’s accessories that she had brought back with her and sliding some on her arm to carry easier.

“Is he okay now?” Doug asked quietly, stepping to her side and leaning into her field of vision.

“yes” Evie assured him “Mal healed him when we left the isle and he’s with (y/n) now, he should be just fine for cotillion tomorrow~” Doug nodded and gave Evie a small smile.

“that’s good, you had me really worried for a moment there, was anyone else hurt?” Evie thought for a moment then shook her head.

“Mal has a cut on her cheek but that was the worst of our end thankfully.” She gave another smile and looked back down at the accessories “you know…while I was there…I realized something” Doug put his hand on her shoulder “I was lucky enough to be given a chance, and now I need to give someone else a chance too” her mind flashed back to five months ago when Harry had asked Ben to bring Uma over, and maybe after cotillion she could ask about Dizzy?

“My uncle bashful used the say that” Doug switched the topic, sensing Evie was not in the mood to talk about what had happened on the isle with him. Evie smiled, happy with the sudden change and turned to him, her brow raised a bit.

“did he?” Doug nodded, then pursed his lips a bit.

“but, really-really quietly” Evie laughed, spinning around to face the transportation rack and gesturing to it.

“come on, we have dresses to deliver~!” Doug happily obliged to her non-verbal request and moved to the rack, pushing it as Evie pulled it out of the room.

-

Two hours later, after every dress had been delivered, Evie returned to her room and grabbed her last two outfits she had to deliver.

A red rose gown and a red and black suit.

She handed the outfits to Doug and dug into her bag again, finding the red ruby earrings with small crossbones skulls hanging from the top. “perfect” she muttered, carefully holding them in her hand and leading Doug to (y/n)s room.

She knocked on the door, humming as a couple of moments passed by and no response came. She knocked again and sighed when again no response came, she gently opened the door and cooed as she looked inside the room.

On (y/n)s bed was her and Harry, curled up together under her many blankets as soft yellow fairy lights hung above them, the title screen of a movie playing on her tv.

Evie snuck into the room, gesturing Doug to be quiet as she set (y/n)s new earrings on her desk and motioned for Doug to hang hers and Harry's outfits on her closet door.

Evie spotted (y/n)s notepad on her desk and wrote out a small thank you note, pinning it to her corkboard that hung just next to her desk.

She ushered Doug out and turned, smiling at the sleeping couple, and slowly closed the door behind her, shushing it as it shut with a loud click.

“There we go” Evie sighed, turning to Doug and wrapping her arm around his “I’m starving, how about you?”

“Food sounds good” he chuckled, guiding Evie to the cafeteria.

-

Carlos watched from afar as Mal swung her feet just of the gazebo floor, her toes just grazing the cool lake water. He froze as she turned to look at him, her emerald green eyes softening and she invited him closer, turning back to the water as he did so and sat down beside her.

Mal laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, while she and Carlos hadn’t been friends before Auradon, she was glad that she had him by her side now.

“so…you broke up with Ben?” Carlos started, giving Mal a soft smile as she looked up at him. She slowly looked back down at the water as she thought of what to say.

“I…yeah” she sighed, letting her weight fully lean onto Carlos, who lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder. “I’m just…not ready for the relationship he wants…I know I hide my feelings and shit but…I really don’t know how he expected me to just, be good with all of this Auradon lady stuff within six months…I feel like a failure” Carlos let out a low hum, squeezing Mal's shoulder.

“well, you aren’t, you did your best, and your best was good enough, you just found out that that life…isn’t going to work out for you, it goes against your mental wiring, yes maybe you could adjust to it but would you be happy with it?” Mal pursed her lips, Carlos shook her a bit “well?”

“no” Mal muttered, picking at the loose thread on her pants “no I wouldn’t be happy like that…Ben…he said he wanted me…the real me, the isle me-wait…no he wouldn’t want her, she's rude as fuck” Mal smiled at the snort that erupted from Carlos, before it slipped off as she remembered something. Mal stopped Carlos as he was about to speak again “Hey…I did this for Evie but…I wanted to do the same for you” He looked at her confused “I’m sorry for the way I treated you when we were on the isle” he looked off to the side for a moment before he realized what she meant.

“oh! Yeah, it's no biggie” he attempted to brush it off but Mal adamantly shook her head.

“No! it's not “no biggie!” I treated you, Evie, and sometimes Jay, horribly! Even after we became friends! You were and are deserving of kindness, and I’m sorry that I was so fucked up that I was the rottenest little brat to you” Carlos stared at her with wide eyes. “what?”

His shocked look melted into a comforting grin “Thank you Mal” he wrapped his arms around her, pulling into a tight hug that only lasted a moment “sorry, just remembered; you’re not really affectionate” he laughed, grinning wider as Mal giggled along.

“it’s-its fine when it comes from you three” Mal hummed, turning to look back at the lake.

“sooo back to the Ben break up talk?” Carlos tried, smirking as Mal blew a raspberry “come on, you need to talk it out with someone, or else you’re gonna explode keeping it all bottled up.”

“…I’m happy I broke up with him” Mal spilled, not looking at Carlos as his brows shot up “I thought about our future and I realized if I kept doing what I was doing, and we kept going with how we were…neither of us would have been happy…I need to learn to love myself before I can love him properly, because…if (y/n)s forced quote an’ unquote therapy sessions” Carlos laughed at that ���taught me anything. It’s that…I rely on someone else's love to measure my self-worth”

Carlos hummed, squeezing Mal's shoulder again “that’s not a good thing”

“no!” Mal huffed, running her hands through her hair and pulling at the roots “it isn’t! I've been trying to earn my mother's love for 16 years, then I just hop to doing so much bullshit to make sure Ben will love me! I dyed my hair blonde, I dressed in those itchy dresses, I dropped my entire personality for all that! And-and it wasn’t good, I felt like I was slipping away Carlos” Mal sobbed, tears trailing down her cheeks as she finally broke “I don’t even remember what I’m supposed to act like without all that because I spent so long doing it I just-I forgot what being ME felt like” Carlos fully wrapped his arms around Mal and pulled her tight to his side.  “I-I know it sounds like I’m being pathetic and having a fucking pity party but I’m just so fucking scared Carlos” Mal whimpered, throwing her arms around Carlos’ torso and pushing her cheek against his shoulder “on the isle my life was commanded by my mother and my identity was pleasing her, and here my life has been being Ben’s girlfriend and pleasing the people of Auradon so they think I’m not some villain whose just after Ben because he’s king…I-I do really like Ben Carlos”

Mal sniffed, pulling back one of her arms and wipe her nose “I do, it's just that…being with him hasn’t helped me move on from my mother bullshit and im-gah!” Mal let out a yell, pulling back from Carlos and burying her face in her hands “I’m having a fucking identity crisis because of my fucking mother! Why can’t she just leave me alone! Why can't all this dumb shit be left behind five months ago! Why do I still have to deal with it?!” Carlos let Mal rant, rubbing her back as she broke down.

“because life is unfair that way” Carlos sighed “Mal I know exactly what you're dealing with right now” Mal peeked out from her fingers, her eyes shining “I still have nightmares from living in my mother’s closet, getting trapped in the bear traps on the ground, or when she would burn me with her cigarette…even ones were she sends dogs at me to kill me…I still hear her voice in my head, telling me I’m worthless, that I’ll never be better than dog chow, my only use was being her servant” Carlos swallowed down the lump in his throat “but I know she's wrong, I’m not anything she says. I’m a tech genius, I've made several computers on the isle just from scraps, I've enhanced my 3D printer to be the best in Auradon, faster than any other and the quality is still top-notch, I've made a tiny little device that was able to make a hole in the barrier, I've gotten offers to work for Tony fucking Stark!” Mal gasped, reaching forward to grab Carlos' shoulders in excitement.

“holy shit what!? When? How? Why?!” Carlos smiled, prying off her grip.

“I knew you all were distracted by something else, especially you, so I didn’t want to make you stressed by my stuff either, it was two months ago. I didn’t take the offer because I want to finish school, but the offer still stands when I graduate in two years” Mal grinned, but it turned to a pout as Carlos gave her a look “Now back to the original topic, I’m not letting you deviate from it, you need to let it all out”

Mal stared at him for a moment before shrugging “I…feel like I already did…Auradon is stressful, my mother is the base of all my mental shit, and I’m not ready to be in a relationship with the dude I love because until I can love myself and learn not to rely on others value of me as my own value I can't be with him in a way that won't hurt him” Carlos slowly grinned “what?” “you said you love Ben~” he teased, laughing as Mal turned red and smacked him.

“I did not!!” she screeched, yelping as Carlos half tackled her and pulled her into an arm lock “Let me go you heathen!”

“you love Ben~ you love Ben~” Carlos sang, laughing as she tried to smack at his face “Come on, pixie! Let's get you back to the dorms, I think you need a nap”

“Don’t call me pixie!”

“How bout gremlin?”

“Carlos!!”

-

Chad carefully pulled the 3D printed copy of the king's crown from the printer and pressed a kiss to the emblem on the front. “Finally,~” He walked over to the mirror that was installed in Jay's standing dresser and carefully perched the crown on his head, smiling as his full cotillion outfit came to light.

He looked like a king~

He tilted the crown down a bit and laughed, posing in the mirror “oh what's that? Why no Audrey, I haven’t chosen my queen yet~” He purred to the fake Audrey in his mind. He turned and started to walk away before spinning back around to pose again “why no Audrey-”

Suddenly his phone rang, and he turned, raising his brow as he walked over to his phone “who could be calling me?”

Caller ID - Audrey <3

Chad let out a high-pitched scream of excitement, dropping his phone to the floor as he gripped his head “ahhAH! Audrey!!!”

“chad!” Carlos groaned, glaring as the other dived to the floor for his phone, and shushed him “Chad! This is my room chad!”

Chad shushed him again, making Carlos roll his eyes. Chad hit the answer button on his phone “Audrey?”

“Hey Chad um, I’m kind of stuck in Sherwood forest, my tire went flat. Could, could you come help me?”

“yeah of course!” Chad covered the mic and turned back to Carlos “she got a flat tire in Sherwood forest and she wants me to come fix it~” Carlos squinted a bit and looked at Chad with an odd look.

“that’s six hours away”

Chad looked at him as if what he said wasn’t a long road trip. “Really? Only six?” he turned back to his phone and put it back to his ear “I’m gonna be there faster than I thought”

“Thanks Chad, I was going to come to cotilli-“ he pulled the phone away and pressed a kiss to the screen, hanging up on Audrey and starting to walk out the door when Carlos stopped him.

“Ah-My printer my crown” Carlos took the crown off Chad's head, who chuckled and gestured back from the printer to the crown before shrugging it off.

“I’m coming Audrey!” he ran down the halls towards his car, leaving a bewildered Carlos in his dorm.

“wow,” Carlos snorted, shaking his head and walking into the room, tossing the crown on Jay's bed. Carlos flopped down on his bed, Dude hopping up next to him moments later “these last two days have been crazy huh?”

“You can say that again” Dude snorted, halfway crawling on Carlos' chest and laying his head down “Nap time?”

“Nap time” Carlos chuckled, pulling his pillow over his face to block out the afternoon sun and sighed.

-end of part 14-

yep, part 14, we’re almost to Cotillion guys! also yep, Doug does not accuse Evie of cheating on him even though he had no reason to do so in the movie and he shows concern over Evie and her friends safety when she tells him about the isle~ what?? no~ this isn't a dig at Doug's awful D2 writing!! how could you accuse me of such a thing~! (Doug had alot of potential but like Mal it got ruined in the second movie and he was pushed as a full on background character in the third) also MORE CARLOS CONTENT~ yes he is smart boi and deserves that recognition and yes, the avengers exist in this universe. hopefully that Mal talk didnt sound like a pity party. 

anyway PERMTAGLLIST

@queer-cosette​ @sephiralorange​

@lunanight2012​ @daughter-of-the-stars11​

@musicarose​ @random-thoughts-003​

@remembered-license​ @rintheemolion​

@thecaptainsgingersnap​ @descendantsobsessed​

@verboetoperee​ @imtryingthisout​

taglist

@thesailbells​ @beccad10x​

[ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff]

Get a Hairband or Get a Haircut (Bi!Spencer Reid x Male!Reader)

Summary: Spencer’s boyfriend sees Spencer with his hair in a bun. He pulls some strings to make sure he’ll see that sight more often.

AN: Look, I just want to see this man with his hair up. Thank you to my pals on Discord for prompting me to write this!

Word count: 2.3k

Your name: submit What is this?

“Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts” ― Jim Morrison

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

Spencer’s attention was drawn away from his stack of paperwork when he spied, out of the corner of his eye, his boyfriend approaching his desk. Y/N looked as handsome as ever in his work’s uniform, the FBI VISITOR badge pinned above his heart. Spencer sat up straight first, like a meerkat, then stood to attention with his cane in one hand.

“Hey, Y/N, what are you doing here?” He asked, fidgeting with a pen.

Y/N held up one of their Tupperware from home, “I took your lunch by accident.”

“Oh, I didn’t notice. Give me a second.”

Bringing it up onto his desk, Spencer began rifling through his bag. He managed to keep up the persona of a man who had definitely not swapped lunches so that he could see his boyfriend again during his work day.

When Spencer turned back to Y/N, Y/N was just beaming away at him. Yeah, this switch-a-roo was definitely worth it. He couldn’t help but smile back as they swapped lunch boxes.

“Thanks,” Y/N said then used it to gesture over his shoulder, “I gotta head back to work quick, so I’ll see you tonight.” Before leaving, he bit his lip and took a step back, “I dig the new ‘do by the way.”

It was then that Spencer remembered his hair was still up in a bun. He’d asked JJ to borrow a hair tie after his overgrown fringe had fallen in the way one too many times. His neck went a light shade of red as Y/N blew a kiss to him before turning around to leave the building. His hand went to the back of his head, fingers wrapping around the bun to confirm that yes, it was still there. Spencer watched until Y/N rounded the corner towards the exit. Then, and only then, did he sit back down and return to his files.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

It had always been an easy target for the BAU team to playfully poke, Spencer’s hair. The boy band trim was a classic case of “let’s make quips at Doctor Reid”. Y/N wasn’t above joining in the teasing whenever it arose. One of his best jokes was that Spencer would often enter a raid with his hair bouncing around like an Afghan Hound trotting to first place at Crufts.

Y/N saved the praise for when they were alone.

That evening was no different to any other, plus the promise of a lie-in the following morning. Y/N made dinner for himself and Spencer – left warm in the oven for whenever he came home – and got out of his work clothes as soon as he could. He ate alone on the sofa, with his feet up and the dish on a cushioned lap tray.

The news was depressing, the game shows were dull, the documentaries were dismal. TV had really let itself go in terms of what it broadcast for the nine-to-fivers.

Pulling one of Spencer’s hairs out of the keyboard, Y/N pulled up a film on his laptop and linked it up to the TV. He retrieved one of his bags of candy from the coffee table’s drawer. The theme song skipped, he watched without extreme attention paid to the events unfolding. One episode blended into another, paused so that Y/N could change out of his work clothes before he got too lazy. He returned to his warm spot on the couch and snacked mindlessly until-

The front door clicked open and again when shut. Tilting his head back, Y/N was greeted by Spencer kissing his hairline whilst walking by. Y/N hummed, his eyes drifting shut at the gesture, and Spencer smiled – his hand squeezing on Y/N’s shoulder before letting go.

“How was work?” Y/N asked, watching Spencer head straight to the oven.

He pulled out the dish and spooned some of the lasagne into the bowl Y/N had set out for him, “Uh, just paperwork today mostly. How was your day?”

“Just the usual my end too,” Y/N joined him at the table, eating the rest of his snacks.

For a while, they exchanged a catch up on how things in their respective offices were going. Y/N had hidden an electronic whoopie cushion in one of the filing cabinets opposite his desk and activated when a person passed by. It took until an hour before the end of the day. Meanwhile Spencer had performed his new magic trick on Penelope, Prentiss, and JJ. Derek had ducked away into Hotch’s office before he could try anything.

Y/N could only keep his glee hidden for so long though.

“I got you something.”

And he pulled the present from under his legs and placed it beside Spencer’s plate. Brown paper – recyclable, naturally – and string neatly tied it together. It was straight from a story book.

Spencer put down his cutlery and lifted the gift gingerly, his eyes moving across the folds to try and determine what could be inside. It was light, a bit squishy. Then impatience took over and he became a kid at Christmas tearing away at the paper to free his present.

His chin in his palms, Y/N watched nervously as Spencer released his present, “Figured you should get some of your own, stop you stealing from JJ.”

It was technically a gag gift, but if Spencer was genuinely up for tying his hair back with one of these seven scrunchies, so was Y/N.

“You’re hilarious and you can cook,” Spencer spun the packet around his fingers, “When did I get so lucky?”

“Should be asking myself that, with the smartest and most gorgeous doctor in my apartment.”

A pair of scissors from the drawer snipped the plastic ties off and Spencer selected the purple one. He slipped it on his wrist, beginning to scoop his hair to the back of his head. Y/N watched, enraptured as Spencer pulled the scrunchie over the bun and twisted it around until it was secure.

“You are so pretty,” cooed Y/N, “The FBI’s Next Top Model.”

That bashful smile, the crinkles in the corners of Spencer’s eyes, they were all parts of why Y/N loved complimenting his boyfriend.

Spencer finished dinner with his hair still up and Y/N was delighted to see he kept the scrunchie in after he’d changed in his pyjamas. Footsteps plus a third beat were cushioned against the rug before vanishing when Spencer daintily placed himself into the sofa cushions. Y/N already had the blanket up for his boyfriend to tuck himself in, all ready for their Doctor Who rerun to continue.

It took about a minute for Y/N’s attention to be drawn from the TV and to Spencer. He wrapped his one arm around him, the old yawning in the movie theatre trick, and he didn’t miss the corner of Spencer’s mouth twitching at the gesture. Y/N’s arm bent to play with the strays that floated on the air above his head, stirring them around.

He tapped the scrunchie, “Take it out.”

Spencer squinted curiously, though he kept his eye on the TV, “Sick of it already?”

“Your hair’s too lovely to be trapped in a scrunchie all the time.”

With an affectionate eye roll, Spencer complied, teasing his hair a little until it was in its usual unkempt state.

“I should probably get a trim; it keeps falling in my face,” He said quietly.

“I reckon you could get a reverse Mohawk and I’d still love the bones of you.”

“A reverse Mohawk?”

Y/N nodded then mimed shaving a strip down the centre of his head, imitated the buzzing as he went. Spencer had to chuckle at the notion of rocking a cut like that at the FBI.

“I’m not quite ready for that.”

There was faux apology in his tone. Y/N kept up the ruse, wiping his brow with a relieved exhale, “Good, I was lying, don’t ever get a reverse Mohawk.”

Once Spencer had pinkie-promised on that, they got back to watching the TV. Y/N’s arms dropped to his sides. He kept one hand under the blanket though, rubbing his thumb back and forth over Spencer’s thigh. Spencer’s hand joined his shortly after the next episode of their show began, linking their fingers together for a moment before he let go again.

---> ---> ---> ---> --->

As much as Y/N supported Spencer in his job, he fucking wished he could wake up before Spencer more often. He looked so sweet, half his face hidden in a pillow and the other half completely free from stress. His lean frame was hidden beneath the blankets. His hair was more like a mane, all springy and knotted and standing at odd angles.

Of course, Y/N could always get extra early when Spencer was here, but that would involve setting an alarm and no one in that apartment would appreciate it when it would go off.

“Spencer?” Y/N said in a soft sing song voice, tucking himself up close to his boyfriend, “Spencer, baby?”

He wriggled a little closer and kissed Spencer’s lips gently. His giggles were held close in his chest as the corners of Spencer’s mouth pulled up, revealing those delicious dimples.

“Spencer,” whispered Y/N once more, bumping his nose against his.

Spencer frowned before he opened his eyes; the wrinkles on his brow cleared once he saw who was waking him. His head lifted slightly. It was just enough to bump his nose back against Y/N’s before it fell back down into his pillow.

“I’ve got a question for you.”

In that gravelly morning voice, Spencer answered, “Yeah?”

“Can I try something with your hair please?”

Already, Spencer was groaning and rolling his eyes into the back of his head, trying to turn over in the bed. But Y/N was sat on the blankets now and Spencer had no choice but to cuddle into himself.

“I’ll buy you something at the gift shop today! Anything you want,” He offered as he pinned Spencer onto his back - with a little room in his actions made to be careful with Spencer’s leg. But Spencer draped his forearm over his eyes and continued to pretend he was back to sleep.

Y/N would not relent, bending over close as he whined, “Babe, please, this would make me so happy.”

Those striking hazel eyes peeked out from underneath the arm. Y/N could see a hint of his dimples returning. He exploited that weakness to the full, taking Spencer’s arm away from his face as he clasped his hand between his own. His lips pressed delicate kisses across his curled fingers then pouted down at Spencer who’s resolve was visibly deteriorating.

When Y/N ceased his kissing, Spencer retrieved his hand and pushed himself to sit up, the blankets dropping from his body as he leant into his boyfriend. He cupped Y/N’s chin and in turn his cheek was traced by Y/N’s forefinger.  

With a sigh, Spencer nodded, “Go ahead.”

The biggest grin broke out on Y/N’s face. He practically leapt off Spencer’s lap to collect his tools.

Though he made the act of reading the book from his bedside table, Spencer wasn’t really paying attention to the words on the page. He already knew them. Instead he let Y/N’s gentle brush strokes distract him, detangling the knots the night had tied. A glance into the wardrobe’s mirror showed Y/N idly biting his lip. The back of Spencer’s head was his whole world now.

When the comb could travel without resistance, Y/N’s fingers dragged around his scalp, capturing all the hair that grew above the tips of his ears and separating it from the rest. The slight scratch of his nails caused Spencer’s book dropped onto the bed and his glasses began to slide off his nose.

Quick to push them back up, Spencer was greeted by Y/N’s reaction to twirling Spencer’s around before securing it all with the yellow scrunchie. And Spencer had never seen him smile so much in the morning.

Y/N knelt in front of him; his hands were in loose fists that shifted in restrained excitement in his lap. When they unclenched, those hands caressed the free hair at the back of Spencer’s head, only moving around to cup his face. Spencer’s own hands were drawn to Y/N’s sides like iron fillings to a magnet. He soaked in Y/N’s affections that were poured into the way he looked at him.

The words were fragile, tender, just above a whisper, “Oh you’re so beautiful, Spencer. Thank you.” As if tying his hair up meant more than the world. Spencer was invaluable to Y/N; he knew it and he felt it.

Y/N kissed Spencer’s nose and it wrinkled with pleasure at the gesture.

But as Spencer leant in to close the gap between them, Y/N moved back and pressed two fingers on his lips, “You can kiss me properly when we’ve brushed our teeth. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna make you wear this to the museum.” He tapped the bun on top before he got off the bed. 

As his gaze followed Y/N retreating into the bathroom, Spencer caught his reflection on the wardrobe’s mirror once more. Morgan would say he looked like a hairy pineapple, or a greasy hipster. Nevertheless, Spencer was chuffed to know that Y/N still looked at him like he had scattered the stars above their heads - just for him.

He heard the shower running. As he fell back into the bed, the top knot pressing against the headboard, Spencer hoped no new cases came in because he could really use a whole weekend of this.

[artificialqueens]

These People in This Room (Don't Shine Like You) (Diamond Chaney) - Ortega

summary: Lawrence has just been crowned the winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK, and Ellie is right beside her. Just like she’s always been.

a/n: omg HIIIIII! here’s my entry to the fic challenge (will it be my only one? who can say). in a shocking turn of events this is not a drabble asdfghjk but would we have expected anything concise from me? this fic was inspired by Shine and Starstruck, both by Years and Years. they are very diamond chaney songs so pls do give them a little listen for full effect! standard procedure, she/her pronouns bc they’re in drag, u know the drill. this has taken me entirely too long to write but pls enjoy some diamond chaney from the night of the crowning! (pls also collectively pretend they had an actual dancefloor to celebrate on and not just a hotel room bc i had already started writing at the point Ellie posted her BTS. fic is just one big serving of pretend anyway xo)

***

It’s somewhere around midnight, the sun has set on Thursday and Friday has crept in, and Lawrence is sitting in a booth with the dancefloor flashing bright colours in front of her, only just daring to believe that this is her actual life.

There is not a single moment that seems real. Even being one of the top four took her essentially since filming stopped to come to terms with. But hearing her name being read out, hearing the other girls cheer for her and being able to do nothing but stare at the screen in disbelief with her hands over her mouth and sob like a baby…that’s not sunk in yet. Maybe it never will. She’s still feeling the after-effects from the way the shock and euphoria had kicked seven shades of shit out of her pulse, the way the serotonin had crashed over her like a wave and the absolute unbridled lack of control she’d had over any of her emotions.

When the cameras had been cut off and they’d been given the all-clear from the producers that they could hug each other, Lawrence had only managed to stand up from the chair, still in floods of tears as Bimini bundled their arms around her, Tayce had jostled them all with the way she’d jumped up and down and yelled in delight, and Ellie had looped her arms around her neck and murmured into her shoulder, words Lawrence couldn’t hear but felt the love from regardless.

It had to be Ellie, really, that crowned her. It was a full-circle moment. She still remembers the night they met for the first time; Dundee in 2016, some time in the early hours of the morning (she’d probably called it ‘bastard o’clock’ or something similar), coming out of the bar and being stopped by a boy in half-drag similar ages with her who spoke rapidly and excitedly and told her that he’d messaged her about starting drag and she’d replied to him. The way realisation had dawned on her and the way she’d been her usual loud and boisterous self to cover up the fact she’d actually been quite bashful about the fact they were meeting for the first time.

There was no alternative, not least because of everything they’ve been through together; the years leading up to this moment and the rollercoaster it’s all been. She’s glad that they’re on a high because they’ve seen each other at their lows (been the cause of each others’ too, sometimes) and pulled through only slightly scathed, but always stronger. The producer had asked Lawrence who she’d wanted and when she, still speechless, had pointed in Ellie’s direction, seeing the tears start to stream down her face had only made Lawrence’s start all over again. They’d hugged- just the two of them this time- and the way Ellie had immediately felt like a safe place in the crazy chaos of reality reminded Lawrence so much of when they had filmed. The way even just hearing Ellie’s voice would stop her feeling homesick, the way she was a living comfort blanket.

She’d never tell that to Ellie, of course, because she’d never hear the end of it if she did.

It’s been a couple of hours and Lawrence is expecting everything to suddenly sink in any minute now. Something will click like the last piece of a puzzle and she’ll finally accept that she’s won, that the whole thing isn’t a giant and premature April fools’ prank. She turns her phone over in her hand, wondering what all this nervous energy is doing to her body chemistry. She’s got messages from her family, her friends, Kiko, the girls she works with back home. Well…some of them. But apart from reading them and frantically replying, Lawrence hasn’t checked anything else; hasn’t opened Twitter or Instagram, where the notifications are piling up like pizza leaflets through a letterbox and are equally as unwanted. If she thinks about them she can feel her stomach twist, wrung out like a wet towel.

Forty thousand likes. The Team Bimini tweet had forty thousand likes. What did her own get? Eight thousand? Lawrence thinks about the sheer scale of forty thousand people, compares it to the population of towns in Scotland. Almost Airdrie. Just under Coatbridge. She imagines a whole town of people, angry and furious and disappointed, and all of them tweeting her to let her know exactly that. She remembers in high school when she thought the whole of Hermitage was against her. She wants to tell baby Lawrence that that was fucking small fry. A thousand kids? Try the sheer scale of Bimini’s fanbase. Her breath is shaky when she tries to breathe in, like her lungs have reduced in size. It reminds her of that time in school camp when they all had to jump from a pier for some unknown-fucking-reason, how freezing the water had been and how her chest felt tight as she gasped for air. Lawrence supposes it was character building in the sense that it prepared her exactly for how anxiety would make her feel later in life.

In for four. Hold for five. Out for six.

“There she is!”

An ever so slightly slurred and wobbly voice breaks Lawrence’s reverie, and when she looks up she sees Ellie approaching her, a little unsteady even in the flats she’s changed into with a glass of prosecco in each hand. It says a lot that even at the top of a helter-skelter of an anxiety spiral, Lawrence’s heart still gives a little swell when she sees her friend. Ellie has always been able to make her feel better. She feels an almost silly sense of relief that she’s here.

Lawrence takes one last little breath in before plastering a small smile to her face. “Awrite? Where’s Mumma Diamond?”

“In her room conked out. Just got back from putting her to bed, she couldn’t hack it. Letting down the family name, that one,” Ellie huffs, sliding into the booth and squashing up right beside Lawrence, even though there’s enough space for two metres distance even if they had still been under strict instructions from the BBC.

“Tayce?” Lawrence asks, gratefully accepting the prosecco glass and hurriedly downing a too-big gulp in an attempt to calm herself down.

“Facetiming A’whora. Of course.”

“Of course. Maybe a bottle and a half of prosecco is gonny be the love potion she never knew she needed.”

“Fuck, we can only hope,” Ellie grins, already laughing through her words. “If we’re gonna be touring with them I don’t wanna have to karate chop through five layers of sexual tension every time I have to walk past them.”

Lawrence chuckles, tired but humoured and unable to not make the so-obvious joke. “You couldny fight sleep.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’ll fight you in a minute!” Ellie nudges her with her shoulder and spills both of their prosecco from the glasses in their hands. The gesture is affectionate and out of place with the impending threat. “Where’s Bims? Thought they were with you.”

Lawrence shrugs. “Went out for a smoke with one of the runners about twenty minutes ago and never returned.”

“Good for them. Always thought there’s something inherently sexy about a winch in a back alley.”

“Well, you would know.”

“Eh, so would you!” Ellie cries, nothing short of incredulously offended. Her expression makes her look even more like a cartoon character than usual, and it’s entirely too endearing.

“Yeah, forgot that popular phrase. It takes two to winch in a back alley,” Lawrence jokes, but her heart isn’t in it. It’s too heavy and her ribcage feels like someone laced her into a corset and pulled it too tight. She’s hoping Ellie is too drunk to notice.

Ellie sips her prosecco with her eyes on her, then scrutinises her as she swallows it. She frowns, her nose wrinkling up as she prods Lawrence with an acrylic-nail finger. “What’s up?”

Fuck.

“The sky,” Lawrence says without conviction, and the raised eyebrow Ellie gives her in return is enough to unlock her. She deflates like a balloon and brings her phone up so Ellie can see it, turning it over in her hands. “Just…as happy as I am, and as much as this is all a dream come true…I keep psyching myself up to open any social media, and I can’t, because this one fucking brain cell of anxiety keeps telling me that everyone out there hates me and hates the fact I’ve won.”

Ellie’s face falls into a frown. She gently pries the phone out of her hands and places it on the table, takes one of Lawrence’s free hands in hers and rubs her thumb over her knuckles. “But all your other brain cells know that’s wrong.”

Lawrence sighs. “So why’s that one louder than all the rest?”

Ellie presses her lips together in a badly-suppressed smile. She’s giggling as she speaks. “Because you’ve only got two brain cells.”

Lawrence splutters a laugh, shoving Ellie with her free hand. The other is still laced together with hers. As the laughter dies down and the momentary serotonin wears off, Lawrence can feel her brow furrowing involuntarily. “Forty thousand people wanted Bimini to win, Ellie. Forty thousand. You know that’s like a whole town? That’s like the population of Coatbridge?”

“ Fuck Coatbridge!” Ellie exclaims, affronted, and her shock and insistence makes Lawrence snort all over again. “Okay, forty thousand people is a town but really, what’s that to the rest of the world? Think how tiny that is in the grand scheme of things, Lawrence! Honestly, give a fuck about what any bastard who wants to send you anything vile thinks of you! You’re so amazing! You won! Fuck everyone else!”

Lawrence wants to feel cheered up. The prosecco Ellie’s drunk is making her all the more animated and lively, giving her words a determination and a passion that her speech so rarely possesses most of the time. Ellie is calm, and she doesn’t get wound up easily. There’s something about the fact she’s growing this animated over getting Lawrence to believe in herself that warms her heart a little.

Then again…

“It’s not just that, though. There’s girls from home that haven’t even said well done. Girls I’ve always supported and couldn’t do enough for, and it’s like…really? You can’t be happy for me when I’ve actually managed to do the one thing I’ve wanted to do for years?”

“Well maybe they have said well done, and you’ve just not seen it because you’ve been hiding,” Ellie gestures matter-of-factly at her phone. It doesn’t convince her.

“They won’t have. You’ll know who I’m talking about, Ellie.”

Ellie sighs a little, clearly conceding that Lawrence is right. Her grip on her hand tightens a little, and when Lawrence looks up at her in response her blue eyes hold a glint of assurance.

“Well, even if they haven’t…fuck ‘em. Onwards and upwards, chick. You’ve got ten new sisters out of this who’re always going to know what it’s like, they’re gonna be here for you no matter what,” Ellie says comfortingly. Lawrence knows why she’s said ten and not eleven, but Ellie affirms this with another squeeze and a slightly shy smile. “And you’ve always got me. You’ve always had me.”

This is true. She’s always had Ellie. Before the show, doing gigs with her and hanging out with her and going to DragCon with her. On the show, always there to reassure her or pull her out of a negative spiral or just lean against her shoulder and squeeze her hand. And after the show. Whatever that might look like. Whatever that might be.

She supposes that neither of them know yet.

“C’mon,” Ellie says decisively, holding out a hand for her as the song changes. It’s some sort of Paolo Nutini dirge, and Lawrence has to laugh at how obviously whoever is in charge of the music has rushed to attempt to find something Scottish. Lawrence can only blink at Ellie’s outstretched hand.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Come on! ” Ellie laughs. Lawrence doesn’t know if she’s blushing or if it’s just the lights.

But she does know that she can’t leave Ellie hanging when she’s looking at her like that.

So Lawrence lets herself be dragged out to the dancefloor and pulled into a hug as Ellie sways them left to right ever-so-slightly out of time with the song, tipsy and full of affection given the way her arms are locked around Lawrence’s waist. It should feel stranger than it does. In reality, being held by Ellie feels as simple as just existing.

Or perhaps simpler than that, given the fact that Lawrence’s existence feels entirely surreal right now.

“You have to be in drag for half past se-ven,” Ellie sing-songs, bringing one of her arms out from around Lawrence’s waist and tapping her on the nose. Lawrence immediately misses it, so it’s a relief that it’s not gone for long.

“Because I wo-on,” Lawrence imitates back to her, and the way Ellie squeezes her waist in response and affirmation causes a smile and a blush to bloom on her face without her even being to control it. She rests her head against Ellie’s chest so she can’t have the satisfaction (ammunition) of seeing how she makes her feel.

It’s little moments like that that she needs right now. Anchors to keep her down on earth, to let her know that this isn’t just some really prolonged lucid dream and it’s all actually happening because currently reality is so absurdly ridiculous; she’s just won Drag Race and she’s slow-dancing with Ellie to the song that’s blasting through the speakers in the background, a parody of some American high school prom where she’s just been crowned the queen.

Moments like these- where Ellie’s holding her close as if she’s literally trying to protect her from the world- remind her that not everybody is against her. Not everybody hates her. Not everybody is wishing her a slow and painful death because Bimini didn’t win, least of all them. She knows that Ellie was never able to share what team she was on even though she hadn’t had a chance at the crown, but she didn’t have to. Not really. They’ve always been on each others’ team.

Ellie jolts Lawrence out of her daydream with the way her chest is shuddering, and Lawrence momentarily thinks she’s crying again before her soft giggle becomes audible over the music.

“What?” Lawrence tilts her head up, meeting Ellie’s scheming, smirking face.

“Can’t believe RuPaul Charles asked if you wanted to move to London, city of dreams, city of a thousand opportunities…” Ellie begins, Lawrence already laughing as she knows what the conclusion to her sentence will be. “…and you said, ‘yer awrite pal, am fine in Glesga wi the jakes an’ the Blue Lagoon chippy an’ the guy that stands on Buchanan Street and yells at everyone that they’re going to hell!’ ”

Lawrence would normally roll her eyes at Ellie’s impersonation of her accent, but she’s laughing too much at the joke that’s forming in her head to commit to it. “RuPaul asked if I wanted to move to London, and I said…”

The pair of them are almost giggling too much to get the punchline out, Ellie clocking on to how it’s going to end. In sync, the pair of them splutter out a “… NNNNAAW! ”

Giddy and happy, Lawrence rests her cheek against Ellie’s chest again. “London’s got junkies too, anyway.”

“This is gonna sound really selfish, but…don’t actually move to London,” Ellie’s voice murmurs from above her, and there’s something plaintive to it that makes Lawrence refrain from replying with a joke or a barb like she normally would. The way Ellie follows it up cements that fact. “It would probably be so good for you, but like…Glasgow would be lost without you, genuinely. And so would I.”

Lawrence can’t cry again tonight, even if it’s only because she thinks it’s physically impossible, so she just squeezes Ellie tight until she worries about her ability to breathe. “I’m not going anywhere, hen.”

Lawrence doesn’t even really know what they are, her and Ellie. They both still have Grindr and they talk about their hookups and raised hopes and broken hearts with each other like friends. But they’re not really just that. They’re affectionate, and they open up to each other with the same shared unspoken understanding of something Lawrence doesn’t understand. They hug for too long and cuddle up to each other when they’re together, and Lawrence can’t count the amount of times during filming that she’d find strength in the way Ellie would squeeze her hand without a word. They’ve woken up together too many times (why she’d felt the need to remind Ellie of that while the cameras were rolling, she’ll never know) and kissed each other more than that. Every time they say I love you they mean it, but they also mean a little bit more. There’s no butterflies or fast pulses or fluttering hearts- they’re past that stage. Everything is just natural and normal and easy.

She wonders if they’ll ever put a label on what they have. There’s a part of her that doesn’t ever want to.

“If we’re both still single by the time we’re forty,” Lawrence begins, leaning back to look at Ellie through her glazed, half-drunk half-tired eyes. “…we should just say ‘fuck it’ and get married.”

(She doesn’t even know if it’s a joke or not.)

Ellie laughs as if it is and nods as if it isn’t. “Drag wedding. We’d need to upstage Tayce and A’whora, though.”

Lawrence realises something. “I’ll turn forty two years before you.”

There’s a pause as the song starts to fade out, and it makes Ellie’s murmur seem louder than it is. “That’s okay. We don’t need to wait for me.”

The jolt her words give Lawrence’s heart and the way Ellie’s talking as if it’s an actual plan makes her think maybe it wasn’t really ever a joke after all. It’s ridiculous though, and it’s all theoretical, and it’s a totally hypothetical scenario, and they’re both drunk , for Christ’s sake. So Lawrence pulls out of Ellie’s arms and takes her hands in her own, the song that’s started playing more upbeat and the opening chords inciting some sort of hope and optimism in her heart for the future that’s unfolding for the pair of them.

“One more song then bed?” she suggests. Ellie raises her eyebrows as she looks down at her.

“Whose bed?”

“Shut the fuck up, Dirty Diamond,” Lawrence shoots back without missing a beat, and as the first lines of the song fill the room she leans back and begins to spin the pair of them in a circle, both of them laughing as if everything is as simple as just that room, and the music blaring out from the speakers, and the lights flashing above them drenching them in purple and pink.

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

Last Christmas

Word Count: 2372

Warnings: Mild violence and blood some angst or is it whomp?

A/N: This one was a fun write. I need to thank @robertsheehanownsmyass for being my sounding-board, always, and for helping me with ideas!  Chapter 1: God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman can be found here

Chapter 2: The Fairytale of New York

It's not that Violet meant to kill Nathan. Yet here she was, at 4:30 in the morning holding him on her apartment floor while he bled to death. Her lips brushed his freezing forehead as she adjusted his head in her lap.

Not very long before the murder, Violet woke with a start when she heard a door slam. She was drunk still from the never-ending fishbowl drinks bestowed upon her after the win. Brain fuzzy and the room spun as Violet got to her feet and rummaged through the nightstand.

She desperately searched for a missing piece and her kitchen knife. Was someone meant to be with her? Her body screamed with booze and adrenaline as she held the knife aloft venturing into the hallway.

Violet made her way to the living area. A throb grew in her ears that deafened the silence of her apartment. The night flashed before her eyes as her head swam.

How the liquor filled her goblet with just a point of his long finger. Which he told her wasn’t necessary. Just thinking about it often worked. Like how he thought the scantily clad shot girl could use bigger tits, so they inflated a size or two. The dude bro that wolf whistled at Violet and slapped her ass as she walked passed, his tongue literally fell out.

“It's MY job to sexually harass women, NOT yours!” he yelled over the techno. Then casually tossed the body part in the horrified man’s direction. “What's a matter,” he pouted his lips in a kiss, “Sexy bitch got your tongue?!”

Violet furrowed her brows now as she rubbed her pulsing temples. Had they danced? Out in the middle of the crowd, his hands on her waist as she leaned back into him. Both gyrating rhythmically to some rave remix of an 80s song.

“You are the weirdest shaped guy I've ever met!” Violet had shouted. “Like a muscular-armed stick bug”

The strobe lights flashed across his face as he strained to grasp this as an insult or compliment. Instead he took a chance and kissed Violet's neck. She let him.

There was, Violet remembered now, flirting in the back of a cab. She told him drunkenly he had Irish eyes and a green smile.

“No,” she shook her head and laughed. “Green eyes and an Irish smile?”

He laughed but smashed his face into Violet’s. His kisses were wet, sloppy. Too eager and childlike for someone in their twenties. Violet pointed that out as she wedged a hand between his face and her.

“Christ who taught you how to kiss?!” her hand squeezed his cheeks so that his mouth formed an O shape.

“M’maffs teach-a in yee-ah four,” he muffled.

“Your fourth grade teacher French kissed you?!”

“No!” he giggled “Year four, it’s. I was fifteen.”

“That's sexual assault!” Violet cried.

“Aww only if you don't want it to happen.” He tried to push his mouth into her again, but she literally ducked out of his way. Defeated, he gave up and the rest of the ride was silent.

Back in the present. Out of nowhere from behind, “Hey do you have any blank-”

It was quick. Shocking how easy it was to stab Nathan through the heart. How fate helped Violet sink the knife so deeply into him that her breasts met his bare chest before either understood what was going on.

Nathan’s lower jaw hung open as he started to grunt in pain. A dark pool of blood poured around the weapon. Stark contrast to his pale olive skin. He swayed but steadied himself on Violet’s arms. His demeanor changing instantly from panic to acceptance and his body relaxed.

Violet’s hand still around the knife as a lump formed in her throat. She scrambled out of his grip, sobs and pleas of forgiveness wracked her body as she struggled to find her phone.

“I've got.. to.. to.. to.. Call 9-1-1. It was an accident. Nathan. I'll get someone here-”

“NO!” he bellowed. “No, it'll be ok. I'll..” he winced. “Come back.”

“From what?! I STABBED YOU!”

“Death, sweetheart.” His Irish accent makes the A R sound like the word “Air.” “I've been stabbed in the heart (h-air-t) by women before, but I've never been..” Nathan gesticulated to the knife in his chest.

“ARE YOU MAKING A FUCKING JOKE?! YOU'RE DYING! Oh my God,” Violet’s knees began to buckle but she caught herself on the counter.

“I'm immortal. Christ t’is fucking hurts.” Nathan struggled to breathe. “Was impaled twice. Beat t’death once. I'll be good.”

He continued, “C’mon Vi, give us a hand,” he instructed. His shaking hand unable to grip the hilt of the knife protruding from his chest. “I'll die quicker this way. be back half past or so”

It was so matter of fact. “Pride goeth before the fall” Violet thought.

A cheeky grin deepened the dimples in Nathan’s cheeks as Violet took the carving knife out of his chest. Blood had spilled unexpectedly down the corners of his lips while he slid down the wall. Violet tried her best to catch him. To soften the blow between man and hardwood, but Nathan folded like the scarecrow coming off his pole.

Even more present:

“Joyeux Noël, Violet. You've Committed your first involuntary manslaughter.” Warm tears poured down her cheeks onto Nathan’s face.

Her legs were sticky with his coppery blood, but she kept marveling when her world soon grew quiet without his smart mouth and witty retorts. There was only a faint gurgle of blood that filled his mouth and lungs. How beautiful Nathan would always be to her in this moment because immortality was for vampires and mythology.

She would never forgive him either. It took longer than Nathan insisted, heart still pumped dark crimson into her hand used as a piss-poor tourniquet. But the beating slowed to a stop as Violet absently combed her fingers through his thick hair to soothe her exhausted body into a fitful sleep.

This time it was the heady smell of eggs and sausage that roused Violet from her sleep.

There was humming and singing in a language she didn't know as someone rattled about in the cupboards.

One hand over her eyes, head felt like someone bashed it repeatedly with a drumstick, she came to life. Her mind grabbed at flashes of kisses and a knife and Nathan being dead. The hallway, but this was her couch?

Suddenly she sat straight up, “OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!” Violet's hands and bare thighs were caked in dry blood. She flew off the couch and went to Make it down the hall to the guestroom. But instead she slipped and fell in the coagulated mess on the hardwood floor

“Aw yep,” a harsh Irish lilt quipped from the kitchen. “I meant t’clean that up before ya woke, but I wasn't sure where the supplies were.”

Violet simply laid down on her floor, defeated. “I killed you,” she whispered.

Nathan appeared above her. His shaggy hair fell across his forehead and the goatee and mustache Violet swore he had shaved was back. He consciously fumbled to button his dress shirt that she was certain he wasn't wearing as he lay in her arms.

“You were in your underwear. You were bleeding to death last night in your underwear only,” she sat up grimacing at her blood caked hair.

“I cleaned up the best I could. Told ye it would be half five when I came to. Didn't wanna leave ye on the floor, so I carried ye t’the sofa. Sorta did a bit o’the whore’s bath in your sink.” Nathan mimed washing his body, “Not really comfortable with the whole showering in a strange bird’s gaff without permission.”

Violet stumbled to her feet with Nathan’s help. His reflex to catch her as she slid again in the mess was quick. Their chests pressed together again. His skin against hers as she clung to the seams of his shirt to balance herself. Violet's face flushed. From a hangover or how warm Nathan was. Alive.

“I ran you through with a carving knife. You died in my lap. You turned ice cold and had purple lips and I thought to myself how many times I asked you if you ever shut up.”

“Only when I'm dead,” Nathan absently stroked her hair. Large hand gently rubbed her back and took a chance at getting a squeeze of her ass.

Violet ignored what Nathan did and refused to look at him. Not in those ever changing eyes anyway. Instead she placed her hand flat on Nathan's smooth, if not slightly stained, chest. No gaping wound, heartbeat steady.

Violet's own heart pounded in her ears as the adrenaline from touching him raced through her veins. There was no denying that he was just as beautiful alive.

And no denying that Nathan eagerly tried to crash his mouth into hers, but Violet swerved. “Are those my underwear!?”

Nathan stepped back to pop his shirt up and push his own backside in her direction. “Mine were ruined,” he rubbed himself and bit his entire bottom lip. “Oi they're soft and make my ass look great.” He slapped it for good measure.

“I like you better dead"

Nathan sneered sarcastically and rolled his eyes. His lips moved with no sound coming out but baby babble. "See if I make YOU breakfast again!”

A hot shower and clean clothes later, Violet climbed onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. Her houseguest sat a plate of food and a mug of tea in front of her

“Found some peppermint. Mum says that helps with a hangover.” Dimpled grin before he turned around to finish cleaning up her kitchen.

“Oh,” Violet was taken aback by his thoughtfulness. “Thank you,” she meant it. “Hey! You’re not using magic.”

“Nooo. I'll use it sparingly until I have to give it back. Been right fucking fun while it’s lasted.”

“You’re cleaning my kitchen.”

“Yeah? If you tell us where some brushes and such are, I'll clean the floor next.”

Violet felt a pleasure seep into her bones as she sipped the hot tea. It was nice to have someone to look after her for once. She had time to really watch as Nathan scrubbed the pans he used. She took notice of him biting a cuticle or chewing skin off his lip as he carefully searched her drawers for a towel. He flitted about kind of like a hummingbird; never staying still long enough between tasks.

“Nathan you don't have to do any of this. I know it's just a layover until you're back in London. I The situation isn't exactly ideal. Now that I murdered you, isn't it fucking weird?” Violet questioned around a mouthful of food.

He faced Violet while drying the dishes. “Nah. Been killed loads of times. Impaled twice. Sewer pipe. Metal picket fence. Then had my head bashed in. Stabbed in the heart by a beautiful girl who is a bit dodgy about me kissing her is tops now!” A bright smile crept across his face.

“why are you cleaning then?”

Nathan scratched the back of his head in thought, “Well, so ye don't have t’remember I was ever here.”

Violet’s mouth hung open but she closed it quickly. “Who the fuck would ever want to forget you?” She started to laugh, “I watched your anger literally explode in hundreds of rabbits. I probably drank a hundred bucks of liquor for free. You took a guy’s tongue out for slapping my ass. And you're..”

Nathan leaned on the island top with his chin in one hand, “Immortal?” He wiggled his eyebrows seductively.

“An Irish prick,” Violet cocked her own eyebrow in return. Nathan pouted.

“I've gotta go to the casino. I know someone in the back of the house who found all of your shit. Please just stay here. Can you do that?” She got up to get a bucket and cleaning supplies from the closet.

“Do you know how many movies start with someone saying don't move?!” There was a gleam in his bright green eyes.

“Nathan, I mean it!” she commanded from the bedroom. “I have to go Christmas shopping too. Jesus it's Christmas eve.” She hobbled back into the living room trying to pull a shoe on.

“Fine. But if I find porn anywhere and have a wank out of boredom, that's on you lady!” He mimicked masturbating in her direction.

Violet’s face contorted in disgust as she threw on a leather jacket. “Grow up.”

“Tried that. She ran away with all the money, and I went to prison. When do I meet mum and dad?” shit-eating grin

“They're dead.”

Nathan’s face fell. For once he was momentarily speechless. “My step-dad’s a dog.”

Violet's hand was on her doorknob, but she paused. “Wait.. Like cheats on your mom dog?”

“More like turns into a naked Jack Russell at night with his massive cock out all over town.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“So much. T’anks for asking!” Nathan grabbed Violet by the wrist. He spun his finger in a circle ever so slightly. “Just a bit o’ Christmas magic before you go?”

Violet gasped as a sprig of mistletoe manifested itself above them. A bough of pine spread on either side of the doorway wrapped in tinsel. Little white lights started to twinkle from inside.

“Nathan, it’s beau-” but Violet was interrupted by his mouth covering hers again.

He was softer this time as his hands gripped her waist. His tongue gently slid into her mouth and Violet accepted it. Her body relaxed into him as their lips moved on instinct. But she found herself as quickly as she had gotten lost. She managed to wedge her hands between their bodies so she could push herself away.

“No. Nope. We can't do this. You're leaving the day after tomorrow, and I'm not a fucking Hallmark Christmas movie.”

Nathan brushed his nose against Violet's forehead, “I think it's too late for that.” But she turned abruptly and left him cold by the front door.

“Make yourself at home, okay?” Was all she shouted from the other side of the door.

[animegenork]

Sorry to interrupt regularly scheduled ignoring my random, but I wanted to put these somewhere, so I figured I’d put him here on my blog!

Basically, I wrote these short drabbles for each LI from @andromeda-six some number of months ago (I have no idea what time is anymore, but I think this was in July), around the time when Episode 4 was still blowing my mind. I did it as a sort of comfort thing and to do something nice for some friends, but I actually kinda liked them? So I figured I’d share, if that’s okay... If not you can just unfollow me like a bunch of people have been doing LMAO

All below the cut! :D

For my fellow Damon stans

If Calderon Hadn’t Cockblocked in the DLC 

"Yeah..." he says. "Stunning." 

 I realize he's not talking about the fireflies anymore as I turn my head to see him staring at me. My body starts to hum with the attention he's giving me; of course, he's looked at me before, but something about this is... different. 

 "Traveler," he murmurs, his voice quieter than I've ever heard it. He's not one to be quiet, I realize. It's either silence or full volume with this one. 

 My breath stops in my throat as his hand lightly touches my chin, as he has many times before. As he leans closer, I feel the logical part of my brain trying to push me away. He's bad news, it says. You shouldn't get involved. 

Screw logic. 

 His lips touch mine, and I feel something inside me melt. It's like he's some sort of poison, tearing me apart from the inside out. But somehow, that's good in this case. I decide I like poisons named Damon. 

Briefly, he pulls away, searching my eyes for any signs of protest, though I can't imagine ANYONE'S ever protested a kiss from him. Except maybe Calderon. 

"Was that stunning?" I nearly choke out, and the smirk that creeps up his face makes the stupid joke worth it. 

 "In a way," he replies, leaning in to kiss me again. 

I should volunteer to do the laundry more often.

------

For the Bash-ers (wait no that sounded wrong WHAT I MEANT WAS--)

Stars

Bash is waiting for me outside my room. He's in the process of hanging up one of his outrageous doodles, but he smiles despite being caught in action. "Sleep well?" 

"Ehhh," I reply, though my nonchalance is definitely offset by the dark circles under my eyes. It's hard to sleep when you have the weight of a galaxy resting on your shoulders. 

He studies my face for a moment before grinning. "Alright, come on." 

Grabbing my hand, he drags me through the hallway to the loading bay, until I can see the stars out the window, like I did the first day I woke up on the Six. A smile lifts the corners of my lips. The stars, as always, bring some sense of comfort to me. Looking at them, it's like there's nothing that could bother me.

I smile up at Bash. "Thanks, Bash."

"Oh, come on." I look up at him quizzically, and he wraps his arms around me, lifts me off the ground, and spins me around. "SMILE WIDER!" he practically screams, and I laugh at how weird he's being about something as simple as a smile. But that's Bash, I suppose. That's just the way he is.

He stops spinning me and looks up at me with his gleaming green eye and glinting yellow one. This time, my smile is more genuine. "Thank you." 

Setting me down gently, he kisses me on the forehead, which surprises me and delights me all at once. "Anytime, Traveler."

It takes all my willpower not to melt to the floor in a puddle as I blush myself silly.

------

Now Juuuuuuune (baby boy)

Hold My Hand

At first, I was just determined to meet June's lizard. Then, I find him in one of the storage closets, frowning at the wall as if it had just insulted him. "June?"

He doesn't answer, not at first. Then, slowly, he turns, and from the haunted look in his eye, I can tell he was just in a dark place. That wasn't this closet, that is.

"Traveler," he says hoarsely. He steps out of the closet and closes the door behind him, leaning heavily against it. "What's up?"

I can't possibly ask him about his lizard right now. "I, uh... just wanted to say hi."

June manages a weak grin. "Hi."

"Hi." We're silent then, and I see that something is still weighing on him. So I do something a bit drastic.

I hold out my hand. "Hold my hand, June."

"What?" He shoots me a questioning look, but, seeing the look on my face, he obliges and gives me his hand. Unsurprisingly, it's a bit calloused and rough, and a part of me just wants to hold it there and pretend time isn't passing around us.

But no, this isn't about me. This is about June. He's hurting, and I want him to feel better. It's not right for such a sweet man to be hurting this much.

I lift his hand to my lips and kiss his palm gently. Then, I close his fingers over his own hand and look up at him. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here, June."

A light blush is spreading across his cheeks, but his weak smile softens as he murmurs, "Thanks, Traveler."

He wraps his arms around me in a hug, and I embrace him back. Sometimes, we all need to remember that we're not alone in this fucked-up universe.

------

For Cal-ers? (Was that funny? No? Okay I thought so)

Lynch the Cal-y Cat

Pushing Calderon's buttons shouldn't have been as amusing as it was, and yet, it continued to amuse me. Perhaps Damon and Aya were rubbing off on me too much, or perhaps a part of me had always been this mischievous.

I wasn't quite sure what possessed me to do it, but I acquired a pair of cat ears, yellow, like his hair, and I was trying to sneak them onto his head without his noticing. As I tiptoe up behind him, I realize with a sudden clarity that there is no one else around, and so, he is that much more likely to hear me coming. Dammit.

And indeed, he turns around before I succeed, a scowl upon his face. I have a split second lead on him, so I slip the cat ears on his head before he can protest. 

"What the hell?" he grumbles, rolling his eyes up, as if he can see the top of his head by doing so.

I start laughing uncontrollably, doubling over and practically not breathing anymore. He watches me enjoy his annoyance with a dark expression on his face. Even if he's pissed, the sight of him with kitty ears is priceless.

After a few moments, his face softens into a more neutral expression. I glance up at him, still shaking with the force of my laughter, and ask, "Cat got your tongue?" I bite my lip before I start rolling on the floor.

"You're smiling."

What? "Huh?"

Calderon looks away, as if saying something like this was a nuisance. "You're not moping around anymore. It's good to see you out and about."

Had he been WORRIED about me? Well, that was all sorts of embarrassing. "Uh, yeah, um, thanks, I guess...?"

He gives me a curt nod and continues down the hallway. "Oh, and Traveler?" I turn and raise my eyebrows at him. There's mischief gleaming in his eyes, and I'm not sure what to think about it.

"Be prepared for my payback." And then he leaves.

Oh, man. Why does that make me smile wider than I was about the cat ears?

------

Now for Aya <3

So About That Pole...

It's weird to consistently think of a sorta-sexy pole dance a friend of yours did just for fun, right? Right.

But I was undoubtedly thinking about that pole dance all the time, and I knew I wouldn't be able to look Aya in the eye until I'd had some semblance of a normal conversation with her again.

So when she surprises me at my room, I think perhaps karma or something is out to get me.

"Traveler! So Bash and I are planning this latest prank-" she begins, and then she sees that a blush is spreading over my face. "Are you sick? Should I take you to Ryona?" She puts her hand on my forehead, and I can't believe I haven't completely lost my shit yet.

That pole dance is on fucking repeat.

"You were saying?" I grit out, ignoring my clammy hands.

Aya cocks an eyebrow. "Oh no, you're not getting out that easily." She leans forward and rests her forehead against mine, and I stare, wide-eyed, into her eyes. Such proximity is really not good for my heart, considering how much I've been thinking about her.

Finally, she narrows her eyes. "Wait. What are you thinking about?" I don't answer, and she starts to grin. "Don't tell me after that dance, you've fallen for me?"

I blush.

She laughs, lacing her fingers with mine. "I'm flattered, Traveler. I'm sorry I didn't prepare you for that." With a kind smile, she winks at me. "But hey, lemme know if you want a repeat show."

Of course, my language skills return at that moment. "I just like that you were having so much fun."

Aya's eyes glitter with some emotion I can't read, and she leans in and whispers: 

"Good. Because I have fun when I'm with you." 

It's a miracle I don't drop dead on the spot.

------

Ryona, darling heart

Kiss to Make It Better?

I walk around the infirmary, marveling at all the plants Ryona has placed around the room. They really do give the room a homey touch, much better than I assume most infirmaries must look. At least, my perception of them has been anything but this.

Behind me, the door opens, and I turn to find Ryona, eyebrows raised. "Traveler? What's wrong?"

Now was my chance. I hold up my finger. "I got a bad cut."

Silence.

Ryona starts to chuckle, and I grin awkwardly as she comes over and inspects the cut. "How did this happen?"

"I was practicing with the knife Damon gave me--"

"Say no more."

Okay, good, cuz there was no way I'd admit to Ryona that I kinda-sorta did it on purpose.

But of course, she somehow knew anyway. "You didn't do this to yourself on purpose, did you?" She looks up from the cut to my face, raising a stern eyebrow and pursing her lips. I swallow. How is she so good at that?

So I tell the truth. "I wanted to see you." Wait, shit, I didn't mean to be so blunt about it--

Her chuckle returns as she begins wrapping a bandage around the cut. I watch her nimble fingers work, fascinated by how efficient they are when I can barely do any similar activity without messing up at least once. Which is why I thought it would be believable that I hadn't done this on purpose.

When she's done, Ryona smiles at me. "Need anything else?"

It's childish, but surely she won't mind...? "Maybe a kiss will make it better?"

Ryona's blue skin flickers a bit as a reddish tinge spreads across her cheeks. Nevertheless, she lightly kisses my bandaged finger, and I grin triumphantly. "Does it feel better now?" she asks tightly, as if she's trying not to melt in a puddle like my heart already has.

"Yes. Thanks, Ry," I whisper, leaning forward and resting my forehead against hers. We smile at each other. At my side, my finger tingles.

------

And now we have reached Vexx-point! (Was... was that a pun? I don’t know...)

Don’t Worry, I’ll Save You

It's hard to watch someone you love suffer, even if that someone broke your heart not too long ago.

Maybe it was pointless for me to keep my hopes up when it came to Vexx, but I knew, from the moment he told me he hadn't cared, that something was up. Even if it had been all an act, I knew that what we had was something, and it certainly wasn't nothing.

So as I sit here, watching him sleep fitfully in the room where we're keeping him prisoner, I can't help but wonder what that manic look in his eye is all about. What did Zovack do to him? How can I fix it?

Suddenly, Vexx's face crumples into a forlorn expression, and I can't just sit by him anymore. I scoot over to him and put his head in my lap, stroking his red hair. Then, a thought occurs to me, and I take out my music box and open it, letting its lullaby soothe Vexx, even in the midst of his nightmares.

I can't help myself; I lean down and gently kiss his forehead, knowing he won't remember it when he wakes up. "Don't worry, Vexx. I'll save you. I promise."

Though he can't hear me, his lips turn up slightly in a smile, and I have a feeling his bad dreams have shifted to something better.

It's up to me to make that a reality for him.

-------

Wow I forgot how short that last one was, I’m a bit embarrassed ;w;

But anyway, if you read these, thank you for the taking the time! <3

[buckyodinson]

How about fluff with Maxwell Lord x Reader inspired by "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars.

I know a lot of people are writing Maxwell as this awful, depraved man (and I’m totally into that don’t get me wrong), but I had a lot of fun writing this soft Maxwell! :) (also I guess this is modern instead of the 80s, since there’s mentions of tabloids and stuff on computers!)

Exquisite

It came as a shock to most people when you and Maxwell Lord went public. He was a very notorious businessman, famous for his cutthroat management style but also his proclivity for salacious encounters, often with very attractive models or actresses. But as soon as you were hired as his assistant, he ended his one night stands and began to pursue you. You were quite shy around him to begin with and he was already pretty attracted to you, and his affection only grew once you got a little more confident in your job and you weren’t afraid to speak up at meetings or conferences.

He was a complete gentleman with you, making sweet comments as he passed your desk to get to his office. He’d often come back from lunch breaks with a little something for you. This started as little pastries or a hot drink, but once you started reciprocating the little flirts here and there it escalated to expensive makeup or jewelry. You soon began dating, and you were both so happy. You had somehow managed to keep the relationship under wraps for a year when Maxwell proposed to you.

It was an intimate dinner at home where he’d hired a chef to cook for the pair of you to celebrate your anniversary and you both got dressed up for the dinner, pretending you were out in a restaurant somewhere. Once you’d finished eating and Maxwell sent the chef home (paying him generously), the two of you continued your conversation over drinks when he slowly shuffled his chair back and walked around to your side of the table, dropping to one knee once he was in front of you. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a black, velvet box, opening it to reveal a stunning diamond ring, and you gasped.

“I knew from the second you walked into my office that first day that I had to be with you. And I still can’t quite believe I’ve been so lucky to call you my own for this past year. And now that I have you, I can’t see myself ever being sane without you. Y/N, will you do me the greatest honour in being my wife?” his voice was so gentle as he spoke, and it brought you to tears.

“Of course, Maxwell.” you choked out, practically throwing yourself onto the ground to throw your arms around his neck and kiss him deeply. He returned the kiss in earnest, only pulling back to take the ring out of the box and slip it onto your finger. When you looked back up at him, he was beaming, and you couldn’t help but lean in again, this kiss much softer than the one just exchanged, and you melted against him.

You parted, both breathless, and Maxwell pulled himself to his feet, before helping you up and kissing the tip of your nose before walking away from you, slipping a record onto your vinyl player before slinking back over to you and pulling you to him. You swayed gently to the music floating through his penthouse for what felt like hours. You felt like you were on a cloud, and you were almost certain you were dreaming at one point.

The next day was when you went public. You both went to work, and stepped out of the car hand in hand once outside the building, letting the paparazzi snap their photos of you. By the afternoon, they were already plastered over news websites with close-up shots of the ring on your finger. At first, you were excited it was all out in the open. Now you could show your affection for Maxwell in public, and you didn’t have to watch as women threw themselves at him and he politely turned them down.

You hadn’t considered the tabloids. In fairness, you probably should have predicted they’d turn on you soon enough, but it still took you by surprise.

One afternoon, about a week after the news broke, you were sat at your desk mindlessly scrolling through the news articles (at least what passes for news nowadays, that is) written about you, and you couldn’t help but feel like shit as you read through them.

‘Famed business tycoon Maxwell Lord now engaged to his secret assistant lover - is she using him for his money?’

‘Who is the woman who stole Maxwell Lord’s heart? What does Mr Lord see in her? Full exposé here’

‘Downgrade for Mr. Lord? See all his past flames as the news has broken of his engagement to his assistant Y/N L/N’

That last one hurt the most. The article contained a plethora of photos of stunning models and actresses who had been previously linked with Maxwell (rumoured or otherwise), and then several photos of you at the bottom. Some were of you at business events, pictured with Maxwell and his colleagues. Others were old photos the press must have dug up from old social media accounts, and some that paparazzi have taken in the last week or so. All containing spiteful captions like ‘Y/N looks worse for wear as she grabs a coffee without fiancé Maxwell Lord’, or ‘Y/N looks out of shape on morning run while Maxwell’s ex-flame looks toned and tanned in beach snap’.

You sighed as you scrolled through the endless bashing. You knew you should just close the window and forget about it, but the comments ate away at you, and you couldn’t stop reading them.

“Ignore them, my love.” you heard Maxwell’s soothing voice from behind you and you quickly exited the tabs and swiveled your chair to face him, plastering a smile on your face. He raised an eyebrow and gestured for you to follow him into his office. Once you were inside, he closed the door behind you and walked you backwards until you were leaning against his desk.

“Why do you read those pathetic excuses for journalism, sweetheart?” he brings his hands to your face and lifts your gaze to his own face.

“I know it’s trivial, Maxwell, but I can’t help but feel like they’re true.” you turn your gaze to the floor and he pulls your face to his, kissing you softly before pulling away to an arm’s length to look you over.

“You’re the most exquisite woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, my love.” his eyes shine with adoration as he drinks you in, like it’s the first time he’s ever seeing you. You feel your cheeks heat up in response to his words.

He rubs his thumbs across your cheeks, “Your eyes... my God, your eyes. It’s like looking into my own perfect little galaxy. They put the night sky to shame.”

Your lips curl into the semblance of a smile and he beams, “There’s that beautiful smile. I could look at it for hours, sweetheart. It practically stops my heart for a few seconds whenever you smile.”

“My love. Every single inch of you is flawless. Your face was sculpted by Aphrodite herself, I’m sure. And your body... well you definitely know by now how I feel about your body.” He raises a suggestive eyebrow and you stifle a giggle as he runs his hands down your sides, squeezing lightly on your hips before pulling you flush against him.

“And that laugh. My love, it’s like music to my ears. I know you hate it, but I think it’s so attractive.” He kisses the tip of your nose, looking deep into your eyes, his serious gaze practically burrowing into your soul, and you can’t help but smile up at him.

“And I know you don’t believe me when I say all of this. But I’m telling you now, I’ll never stop. I’ll tell you everyday how beautiful you are. There’s nothing I’d change about you. Well there is one thing, actually,” your smile falters and he pulls you tighter, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Your name.” he all but whispers against your lips, “I plan on making you Mrs. Lord very soon. But apart from that, there’s not a single thing I’d change. You’re perfect as you are. And if some cowards sat behind their screens typing that shit about you can’t see how perfect you are... fuck them. They don’t get to see you swaying to old records in the kitchen in nothing but my dress shirts, or writhing underneath me. They don’t get to see how truly beautiful you are. All the more beauty for me.”

“Thank you, Maxwell.” you lean up and press your lips to his, and you practically feel his adoration pour into the kiss.

Masterlist

Permanent taglist: @castieltrash1 @fioccodineveautunnale @mrsparknuts (message or send an ask if you want to be added or removed!)

[peachyunjinnie]

❝love me again❞ hyj ― a.

― summary:

after your 2 year relationship with hyunjin ended he came into your life again as your roommates new boyfriend and your feelings play with you. not just you having feelings again he falls for you and you two relive the reason why you fell for each other.

exboyfriendl!hyunjin/female!reader | angst | 1.7k ↬ content warnings: kinda (?) cheating, mention of suicide and self-harm.

a/n: i am not a good angst writer buuuuut i got the request to do this and i really tried my very best ! enjoy !!

→ blogs masterlist

“I really want you to get yourself together, Y/N.” my roommate told me for the hundredth time now. I rolled my eyes and sighed at her.

“Em’ I am not going to do anything, it’s your boyfriend not the president.” I saw her brushing her dress down and having her big eyes on the mirror. Her dress looked so adorable and her effort for this dude is kinda funny. 

You can say that I am a little bitter after my first ever breakup with the one who shouldn’t be said in this household. Even Emma doesn’t even know anything about the one who shall not be named. 

“I know but I want him to like me and my best friend.” She turned around to face me and to give off her smile. She really wanted to make everything perfect. 

“Come on Emma, you two have been together for a month now and he seems really nice from what you said. He will like you no matter what the people around you do or say.” I gave her a small pat on the shoulder as I lied down and closed my eyes for a small power nap. 

This power nap was very needed after I had to endure her love talk the whole night. I was very happy for her, I really am. But having to hear ‘He is so tall, he is so soft but still hot. He is so handsome and looks like a model.’ got me thinking how I am going to hide those dark circles. 

“Get ready, Y/N! He will meet us in 3 hours and we need 30 minutes to drive and you need to get ready with your dress and your make up and your hair and-” She took a deep breath and continued to search for some of her accessories.

“I am so nervous, Jesus.” I could hear her heartbeat on the drivers seat and I leaned against the window.  

Her reaction really reminded me of my relationship and it was the most intense thing I’ve been through with the feelings and the butterflies. I ran around my whole mall to get the perfects eye look or run around my closet to get the perfect matching clothing for him. I completely changed myself for him and was willing to do more than what I would’ve done for anyone.

“Y/N!” Her voice echoed in my head and I woke up from my memories. 

“Wha-what?” I looked around and saw the restaurant on the left side of us.

“We’re here, but we are a little early. So again, what are we gonna do...?” She asked and gave me a reassuring simper.

“I know. socialize and be nice.” I said like a toddler to it’s mom. Ridiculous, I have to be here and see a guy that I don’t even know anything of. I don’t know his name, age nor do I know how he looks. To be 100% honest with you I want to be here for Em’ but I would much rather be at home and just live my holiday life.

“Good girl! Now come we have to be there before he comes.” She took my hand and gave it a small squeeze. But before I could get out of the car, she hugged me tightly. She let out a a little sob and I directly hugged her tighter.

“I am so happy that you’re here to help me, I appreciate it so much.” Her hands holding me to her with no space between us two.

And exactly there I noticed why she is my best friend, and how I should really try to get her boyfriend to like her even more than he obviously already does. 

“Of course, I will try.” I let go of her and looked at her small tears forming in her eyes. She laughed a little and I wiped them away, her big eyes still having a sad look in them

“I’m so grateful that I met you, and I really want you two to get together better. Because you two are the most important people in my life.” She smiled and my heart broke a little and my eyes started to sweat. 

“Em’, come on. I will do my best and get him to like me, okay?” She gave me a small hug again and has gotten out of the car. I sat there on the passengers seat for a small bit and collected myself, did breathing exercises and stepped out of the car. She waited at the entrance and looked at me for the last time with her ‘get your shit together’ look. 

After her stepping inside this diner-like restaurant Em’ ran to the 2nd row on the left. She directly saw someone and this really tall figure stood up and hugged her, after giving her a small kiss on the cheek. His back was turned to me, as I was still standing on the entrance. 

She grabbed his hand and dragged him to me and as he turned around I couldn’t believe my eyes. This dude that I didn’t know the name of nor the face or pretty much anything, is of fucking course hwang hyunjin. But it looked like I wasn’t the only one who was surprised to see the very familiar face. His eyes grew to the double size and his motions and movements seemed stiff and weird, like someone just spoilered him the end of the best movie ever. 

“So Y/N, I want to introduce you- are you two okay?” Emma’s worried look switched to me and Hyunjin. Her hands touching his biceps but no reaction. His eyes glued and stayed on mine, The longer I looked into his shocked eyes, the more memories bubbled out of my suppressed memory. I couldn’t escape his warm eyes. Moments have passed and I came to me again, I looked around me and spotted the bathroom and with another last look at Hyunjin, I quickly went to the bathroom. 

I fled into the first stall and just sat there a blank face, way too shocked to cry at this point. Of fucking course destiny had to make my life even worse than it already is by getting this boy to enter my life again. My breathing became uneasy, my eyes still blankly starring into nothing all of the memories I have made with him hit me harder than ever before. Every touch, every word...every kiss. It was haunting my head with a bitter aftertaste. 

I heard the croaking door opening, steps coming closer and closer until I saw the black leather shoes and the voice of Hyunjin could be heard. After all this time his voice has not changed a single bit, the same deep and smooth velvet voice. All of the strength I have built up is now slowly crashing down. It is all collapsing, all of the healing process I had behind me were now completely destroyed, demolished, wrecked...forgotten.

“Y/N, I- I.” He didn’t say anything and pressed his forehead against the stall door. He was now living through the whole breakup once again, tears slowly running down his cheeks. His whole body was shaking and his mind was going crazy. He regretted every single day of even having the idea of letting go of you, of leaving you...of hurting you. He was closing his eyes shut and who were now bashed red. 

I sat there for a short while before opening the door and rushing into his arms. I have never felt better in any other place than his long and slender arms. His body was trembling against mine and his teardrops fell down onto my shoulder. He was clutching on me, his sobs filling the bathroom. 

“I am so sorry, I don’t want to leave you.” He was sobbing hardly on my shoulder, I squeezed his lower body. All of these sleepless nights and all of these tears. I couldn’t believe how I could forget all of those moments that have changed me as a person. It’s because I-I still after all those months love him.

“I needed you, what did I do? was it me?” I cried out and with these simple questions he stopped the hug and held my face in his big hands.

“I was naive and dumb. I thought I didn’t need anyone in my life. I was a douche and an idiot to ever let you out of my life. I was never depressed, but after realizing my mistake...I couldn’t live, I-I can’t live without you.” his hands still cupping my face, the look of pure fear in his eyes.

“I wanted you back but after what I did nobody wanted to tell me where you are or give me your contact. My whole life was falling apart without you here. I-I then saw you on the profile pic of this girl and I just had to see you.” He smiled and his eyes were still not getting rid of the tears in them.

“We have to go to her, she is in love with you...” 

“I broke up with her after seeing you, I had to.” He caressed my swollen face and my pinched red cheeks. A thousand thoughts rushed through my head and at the same time I had a blank canvas up there.

I could not believe what I just did but my body reacted in a way where every control I should have is now missing me. My lips reconnected with his and every single cell in my body craved for his lips, for so long. His eyes were closed and every moment you two had lived through now played in his mind, your smile, your personality, your eyes...everything was playing in his mind. He couldn’t believe that his first and last wants him as much as he does.

[ryosei-hime]

Sex and Therapy : The Safe Word

Concord learns a bit more about Fizz’s history. Rape is discussed in this chapter. I also attempt to show Concord actually having a life outside of his apartment. : P Also available on AO3.

Concord had a hard time concentrating at work the next day, knowing Fizz waited for him at home. He did his best to pay attention to his clients but, between them, his receptionist could catch him staring off into the distance with a silly grin. 

“Sir, are you okay?” 

Concord blushed and tried to pull his professional demeanor back together before turning his chair to face her fully.

“Yes, of course, Lannah.”

She lowered her spectacles and raised her eyebrows at him as she placed some papers on his desk. 

“I’m fine,” he stated again in a warning tone.

She sighed as she set her glasses up to rest in front of her black and white horns, dropping the professional facade Concord liked to insist upon. 

“I’ve never seen you make more than three facial expressions in all the time I’ve worked for you, Concord. What’s got you so excited?”

“It’s nothing.” He rearranged a few random items on his desk. “Has my three o’ clock arrived.” 

“Canceled.” She gave him a smug look. “Looks like you have some time to talk.” 

“It’s very unprofessional to engage in these sorts of conversations with employees.” 

She gasped and hopped up to sit on his desk. 

“These kinds of conversations? Do you have a date?” 

 Concord cursed his big mouth once more. Of course he used the same phrasing he’d used to try to curtail her oversharing with patients about her personal life.

“In...a way. I suppose. But again, it’s not appropriate workplace conversation.”

“Sir, I’ve worked for you for six years. You have never smiled the way you’ve been smiling today. I gotta know!” 

Concord found himself being shaken by the shoulders. 

“Okay, Lannah! Please, control yourself.” 

She released him and wiggled excitedly as Concord eyed her like a live grenade.

“Who is it? What are they like? How’d you meet?” 

“I...I’d rather not say too much. But I will gladly tell you he’s very out of my league in terms of physical appearance.” 

“He’s hot?” 

Concord lost his professional mask, giddiness taking over as he reacted to Lannah’s energy. 

“He’s so hot, and so tall!” 

“Picture! Picture!” 

“I’m afraid I don’t have one.” 

“Then what’s your favorite part of him?” 

“His eyes. They captivate me.” Concord looked a little bashful as he recalled the way Fizz’s eyes shone in the darkness of the closet. 

“Aww. That’s so sweet. I’m so happy for you, sir. I’ve been worried about you. Couple more years and I would have had to ask you out myself.”

Concord’s gave her a deadpan look.

“Really, Lannah?”

She laughed and poked him on his forehead. 

“Hey, you’re cute enough for a pity date.” 

“Sadly, I’ll take that as a compliment.” 

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly. He did have to deal with Lannah giggling at him from time to time if she caught him smiling to himself. But he combated his embarrassment at being caught expressing happiness by reminding himself she was actually happy for him not laughing at him. 

When Concord finally arrived home, he braced himself to be swept off his feet. But Fizz wasn’t waiting for him at the door like an excited puppy like he expected. That didn’t slow him down. He hucked his briefcase without looking to see where it landed, too busy struggling out of his sweater as he stumbled across the room.

“Fizz! I’m home!” 

“I’m waiting!” he called back. 

Concord finished fighting his way out of his sweater and followed the voice to his room. He found Fizz with his hands above his head, tied to the headboard as he reclined against a pile of pillows. His pose made Concord think of some romance novel covers he’d seen, long legs curled in a way that accentuated the hips, chest thrust forward a bit. Concord’s body reacted as intended, but his mind still got fixated on what should have been an irrelevant fact at this point. 

“How did you tie yourself up?” 

Fizz responded by sticking his long tongue out with a wink and that got him moving. He laughed as Concord scrambled up to him. He took Fizz’s face in his hands and their lips met, desperate and messy, only parting for moments so Concord could breathe. He finally had to lean back and Fizz followed those lips as far as he could, pulling on the ropes binding him. 

He fell back against the pillows and stared up at Concord, a demure expression on his face as he rolled his hips to part his legs. 

“I’m all yours. What’ll you do with me?” 

Concord blushed more for the position he found himself in than anything. He hadn’t planned on taking charge. If he’d known, he’d have spent all day obsessing about it. What would he do? Why did he have to be so awkward? He couldn’t compare to what Fizz did for him.

He had to follow his instincts, Satan help him. He felt his body moving forward, hand sliding up Fizz’s thigh as he leaned up to kiss him again. Softer this time, less desperate as their tongues met and felt each other out. Concord opened his eyes as he pulled away, meeting Fizz’s. 

“You have the most beautiful eyes.” 

He hadn’t even thought before saying it and would have kicked himself if he weren’t so lost in them. Fizz looked amused. 

“You’re such a softie. Did I even need to come up with a safe word?” 

Concord felt a bit embarrassed for a moment. He’d said too much. He felt like hiding before the other half of what Fizz said clicked. He looked confused. 

“Wait. You can’t use the one I use?” 

“Not unless you want me to go rag doll on you, baby. Or are you into that?”

Concord ignored his attempts to keep things rolling.

“That works even when you say it?” Concord’s wheels turned slowly. “But that means….if you can’t…”

Concord reached up and started pulling at the ropes around Fizz’s wrists. 

“I like to show off and all. But that was actually very hard to do on my own, you know.” 

Concord ignored him again, wanting him to be completely free before he started talking. He straddled him as the ropes fell away and intended to look him in the eye, but he couldn’t. He kept his head down, tears stinging the corners of his eyes. 

“Fizz. Your previous owner made it so you couldn’t tell them to….to cease their actions without….terminating your own functioning?” 

“He didn’t like to be told what to do,” Fizz responded coldly.

“He raped you.” 

“I don’t have bodily autonomy. Legally, he was within his rights.” 

Concord looked up suddenly and took Fizz’s face in shaky hands, tears trailing down his cheeks. 

“Fuck legality! Fizz. Who was he? What’s his name?” 

“I can’t tell you. Confidentiality policies.” 

“Could we get Cog to override that?” 

“It’s part of my core programming.” Fizz’s voice suddenly took on a tinny sound. “It is inadvisable to tamper with core Fizzarolli programming. Tampering with core programming will void your warranty. Mammon is not responsible for dismemberment or death once the warranty is void.” 

“Maybe we can….find a loophole?” 

Concord’s eyes were scanning the air for answers now, frantic. 

“Concord.” Fizz took his hands from his face. “Don’t.”

Concord looked at him and Fizz wiped away some of the tears on his cheeks. He stared into his eyes pointedly and Concord looked away. He wrapped his arms around Fizz’s neck and leaned into him for a hug. His voice came out a sad and desperate muffle.

“But he raped you.” 

Fizz’s arms came up around him, tightening as he leaned his head against Concord’s. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess he did. But I’m here with you now.” 

He sounded as if he were only just accepting that word could apply to him. Rage wormed its way into Concord’s heart. It burrowed into the center and made a nest. Fizz couldn’t tell him who he was. But Concord would find him somehow. He’d find him and he’d kill him. 

“You’ll always be safe with me. I promise.” 

Fizz kissed his horn, rubbing his back. 

“I know, baby.” 

Concord pulled back after a bit and wiped at his eyes. 

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t be having to comfort me.” 

“So, why don’t you comfort me now?” he suggested with a grin.

“We need to call Cog to turn this safe word off before we do anything.”

“You mean change it.”

“No. We can use safe words without them literally turning you off. I trust you to pause on your own when I ask. Why didn’t I realize it could be turned off before?”

“It can’t. It’s a safety protocol. There has to be a failsafe word. It’s part of the core programming.” 

“Then we’ll change it to something ridiculous that I’ll never be able to pronounce.” 

“Concord. Do I get to have a say on this one?” 

“Of course. But why would you want to keep it?”

“The safe word isn’t bad. What he did with it was. What if something goes wrong with my programming? I could hurt you. I need to know you can shut me down. Let me have this.”

“...I don’t have to let you.” Concord was a little embarrassed he’d gone off and forgotten to take Fizz’s feelings into consideration. “It’s your decision.” 

Fizz slipped a hand behind his head and hooked it around a horn, pulling Concord’s face up to his. 

“Then let’s just wait to call Cog. I promised you a lot of things yesterday. And I really want to give them to you.” 

Concord wanted to check with him that he really wanted to continue after such a sensitive subject, but he’d promised himself he wouldn’t try to be Fizz’s therapist. And that was a very therapist thing to ask. Right now he had to trust Fizz knew what he needed. So, he smiled for him and brushed his cheek with a thumb.

“Then take me. I’m yours.”  

He leaned up to kiss Fizz softly, but Fizz didn’t let him pull away, pushing more passion into it. He released his horn and donned his demure look again. 

“But first, let me be yours. Show me that strength in softness you talked about.” 

Concord laughed a little and felt some of the pressure relieved. He didn’t have to live up to Fizz. He could just be himself and Fizz would at the very least find it adorable or quaint. Maybe that was okay. As long as he brought Fizz any kind of joy. 

As long as he made him forget for even a moment. 

[littlebitoffanfic]

Lessons

Fandom: Wrong Turn 4 Relationship: Sawtooth, One Eye, Three Finger Request: I haven’t done this before but I was wondering if you could right a one shot for the hilliker brothers from wrong turn. I would like it to take place during wrong turn 4 but if that’s not something you can/want to do then you can choose. I’m not picky. I really love your blog btw and you’re such a talented writer and I just can’t wait for what you have planned next. I wish you the best of luck!

A/n: I wasn’t sure if you meant it to take place during the actual movie. Then I started thinking about having the reader around during the plot and my mind ran away with the idea. I took some creative liberties with the plot. Hope you don’t mind 😊 also, if this isn’t what you were after, just let me know. Im always happy to revisit these guys haha.

  You were fuming. Absolutely livid as you paced back and forth by the doors, your arms crossed across your chest as you waited for them to get back. It was bad enough they had left while you were mid argument but then to be this late back? It was dark out, and they knew you hated the dark in the hospital. Part of you wondered if they were doing it to teach you something. That you couldn’t be there without them. You shook off the thought as best you could. But it still lingered. None of you would make it in the outside world, and you could easily survive without them. You could hunt and defend yourself, plus you didn’t have the… physical differences which would make it easier for you to blend into normality. Not that you ever wanted to. And you were sure they would survive if you walked away. But you all stayed together because you loved them dearly, and they loved you. They never said so, they couldn’t speak properly, but they showed it. And on the rare occasions you fought with the brothers, they were the first to apologies.  Today, Sawtooth, One Eye and Three Finger had been unhappy with you because you had went out after someone on your own. You hadn’t been hurt, but you knew that if he had been the slightest bit brighter or stronger, he could have given you a run for your money. But instead of congratulating you for a good kill, Sawtooth got protective, as did the brothers. 

“I can protect myself. I don’t need you hovering over me all the time!” You ended up shouting at them, out of pure annoyance. Sawtooth raised an eyebrow before straightening up and walking out, his brothers in tow. They glanced back at you, but they agreed with Sawtooth and that meant they would follow him. They had all left in the truck 7 hours ago, driving off into the snow. You knew they had been planning on setting up wire around the grounds so if someone was running, they would get caught, so it wasn’t like they had just stormed off. There had been a job to do. But then the hours rolled on and the sun began to set and you felt the fear set in. the building was old, and creaked under the awful weather that only seemed to get worse. To make everything just that little more worse, the powerlines were down and while you could start the generator yourself, you hated going down into the basement to do it. One Eye always did it. Just as you were about to go up and try go to sleep, you heard the sound of engines. Not car ones, but more like motorbikes. Frowning, you looked out one of the top windows and your heart dropped. 4 snowmobiles pulled up outside the hospital. Each had 2 people riding on them. Shit shit shit. One, two or maybe three people you could deal with, but this many? No, you couldn’t cope. You felt panic begin to set in as you tried to think of what to do. The brothers were gone and you had no idea when they’d get back. They had taken their truck and, if they were stuck out in the snow, they were more than happy to bunker down wherever. The best thing you could think to do was keep a close eye on the new comers. Find out whos connected to who, whos weakest, easier to scare, smartest etc. It was all you could. You quietly ran through the hospital, a skill you learned from your many chases with Three Finger. The sounds echoed off the long, deserted halls as you tried to pinpoint where they were, not wanting to run right into them. As the echoes died down, it told you they had entered a room with furnishings. Your knowledge of the building told you it was the lounge area, which the large fire place, some old couches and wheelchairs. You would sit in the large windows in the summer, the warm sun providing a lovely warmth while you read. But in the winter, the room got an awful draft so you and the boys basically abandoned it. You abandoned most the rooms during winter. The main ones that kept being used were the kitchen, the ‘bedroom’ in the attic and a couple of the rooms on the upper floor. Heat rises, after all. As you approached the room, you knew you were right. Slipping into a little janitors closet that had a chip lock so you could lock it from the inside, you knew there was a vent that lead directly between the two. No, you wouldn’t risk crawling inside, but it did allow you to listen. The closet itself was bigger than a standard closet, and mainly empty apart from a bucket, 3 tiered unit that came up to your hips and unit with shelves built into it which was about 5 foot tall and right next to the vent. So you jumped up on the first unit then sat on the second, now able to touch the roof if you reached up just above your head. You heard a girl asking for someone to find stuff to burn. There were footsteps leaving the room before they started talking about someone called Porter. You wondered if the guy you had killed earlier was called Porter, but then you remembered he had had ID that named him David Smith. there was some more talk about phone service, then the others came back and, from the sounds of it, they light a fire. You almost bash your head back on the wall out of boredom. For people who talk so much, they talk about the most dull shit in the world. then they spoke about looking around. Despite wanting to stay in your den, you followed the bigger group as they explored, keeping as close as you could. They went through the files, and you felt a rage build in your chest as they mocked the people who used to be trapped up in here. Just like the guards had. The guards didn’t have so much to say when there wasn’t bars separating them from the people they taunted. You happened to glance out the window when you saw three figures approaching the building. Sawtooth, One Eye and Three Finger. They were focused on what ever they were dragging back, so hadn’t seen the snowmobiles out front. You wondered where the truck was, but then realized it must have gotten stuck somewhere due to the storm. You paused for a moment, frowning. They had trekked back through the storm on foot? They could have bunkered down in the truck for the night, so why fight against the storm? You were happy they were home, but you still felt a rush of anger at the situation. You needed to see them, so you quickly and silently made your way to them. Your pondering meant they had already been through the halls and to the kitchen. When you ran in the room, you noticed how One Eye flinched when he walked in and saw you storming towards them. Three Finger refused to meet your eyes as they filed into the room. But Sawtooth wasn’t with them. “Where have you been?!” You hiss, your voice breaking. Three Finger held up some barbed wire then tossed it to the side when he saw you were still just as angry. Just then, a large figure entered the room, dragging something behind. Something about Sawtooths presence made you feel uneasy. Mainly because you two were still angry at each other. But before anything could be said, he threw the body on the floor between you and the brothers. If this were any other time, you’d have smiled, making a joke about it being a sacrifice to please you. But something niggled at the back of your head. approaching the body, you fell to your knees beside it and started rummaging through the pockets. Until you found a wallet. Opening it up, you found a driving licence. With the name Porter. “Well, that’s one less loose end.” You threw the wallet down. You huffed, about to cuss when suddenly, all the lights flickered on and the sound of loud laugher and cheering echoed through the corridors. Immediately, you saw the three of them go ridged. You rose to your feet, not looking the brothers in the eyes. Turning on your heel, you left the room but they followed. Dragging behind you, you all went towards the noise, slipping into an observatory room with two way glass, you crossed your arms and glared at the group as the brothers looked through the glass. You were now not only angry at the brothers, but at the people as well. They had been the doctors office, had seen some of the files there, they KNEW of the suffering people had endured in these halls and they were dancing around like fucking morons. You saw Three Finger flinch, backing away from the glass a little as they realized why you were so on edge. Why you were now so angry. One Eye looked at you, the guilt obvious in his eyes as he reached out, prepared to comfort you. But you backed away from him, refusing to look at them as you shook your head. Fresh tears pooled in your eyes. They hadn’t been here when you really needed them because they were mad at you. And although they didn’t know of the people coming, you couldn’t just ignore the ache in your chest. You walked through the brothers, who parted to let you through until Sawtooth grabbed your arm. You jumped, not expecting it as you looked up at him. In all honestly, you didn’t know what he wanted. Perhaps it was instinct and he didn’t want you to leave upset. Or perhaps it was because he didn’t want you wondering off when there was a new threat within the building. But you wanted to prove a point, so you yanked your arm back but just as you were about to leave the room, the group of people started using the old wheelchairs as toys and rolled around like morons before making their way to the auditorium. you creeped behind them, with the boys behind you.   you were about to creep to the door when One Eye caught your hand. As with his brother, you were about to yank away when he nodded to the stairs which lead to the upper floor. As if to show you, he pulled you up the stairs and towards the balcony where the group now sat speaking below. One Eye waited by your side, eager for praise from you, but you were too distracted as they managed to play something that made your insides twist painfully. It was the recording of One Eye during an electrotherapy session. You watched as he wrestled against the restrains then his whole body writhed in pain. ‘session’ actually meant ‘punishment’. And One Eye normally ended up in these ‘sessions’ because of you. If he thought the guards were too rough or cruel to you, he would act out. He had attacked god knows how many people because of how they treated you. And he would be punished every time. You remembered crying against the bars as they threw his limp body into the cell with his brothers. Turning, you saw One Eye had noticed the film playing. He had shrank into himself, his gaze on the floor and you noticed his hands were shaking slightly. Stepping closer, you ducked your head under his own and pressed your lips against his in a few chase kisses before nuzzling your cheek against his own as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He responded to your affections, his arms snaking around your waist as he buried his face in your neck. He held you so tight that it hurt, but you didn’t care. You saw something move out the corner of your eyes, your head snapping to see Three Finger and Sawtooth. Three Finger snarled when he noticed the film, obviously defensive of his brother. Sawtooth’s fists clenched by his sides, his face stoic. One Eye pulled back when he noticed his brothers, but didn’t dare let go of you. “We’re in this together, right?” You looked to Sawtooth, who nodded in agreement. “Okay, then this is just like any other prey.” All three nodded in agreement.

 The group of intruders had settle down in the old rooms used for those who could be kept in normal rooms, rather than cells. The brothers were now hard at work, making sure everything was in place for tomorrow. Which included setting up the normal kind of traps. You were about to go back up into your bedroom when you noticed one of the men had went wondering. Right to where Sawtooth had set up the body of Porter. Running, you grabbed Sawtooth by the sleeve and pulled him towards the nurses station.  Apparently, you didn’t need to say a word as he understood. The man started to try square up to the body, threatening him until he seemed to recognise the clothes. You and Sawtooth waited in the shadows until the man touched the body and saw the blood. He turned, but Sawtooth was quick and blocked his path. Using a long metal spike, he jammed it up, through the mans nose and out the other side of the head, killing him. You went to help with the body but Sawtooth pushed you back with a grunt. He gestured towards the kitchen, where the other brothers were preparing some weapons. You tried to follow him again but he dropped the body and stood at his full height, a deep growl leaving his chest. You knew better than to push him further, so you backed off.  He dragged the body towards a half open door, using his foot to kick it further open and you watched before disappearing to find the others.   There was a silence between you both, still some kind of argument going on. You found the others in the back office of the kitchen. The chiefs office, which had a couch that you on, pondering everything that’s happened.

---------------time skip --------------

You don’t know when you passed out, sitting on the floor while One Eye and Three Finger worked on some weapons. When you woke the next morning, Three Finger had moved to sit in front of you and you had a blanket over you. He didn’t appear to be doing anything. Just guarding you as you slept. Reaching out, you ran your finger across his shoulder to let him know you were awake. He turned with a smile, instantly kneeling up beside you and nuzzling into your neck. You couldn’t help but giggle at the affection. One Eye came into the room, chucking something on top of a pre-existing pile crap that you recognised as some of the things the group had left in the lounge. You noticed some cables, spark plug wires from the snowmobiles. He beamed when he noticed you were awake. The morning did feel a lot better, and you were actually excited for the thrill of the chase now.   “Wheres Sawtooth?” You asked, sitting up as Three Finger leaned back. He gestured vaguely towards the door, but you understood. Keeping an eye on the others. As if summoned by your words, Sawtooth walked past the room with a body flung over his shoulders. Three Finger got to his feet and left after him, gurgling to himself. One Eye came and sat by your feet as, fiddling with his fingers in an awkward and shy way. You smiled and crawled to his side, cuddling into him. A sigh of relief left his throat as he pulled you close, apparently afraid you might wake up still annoyed. Three Finger ran back into the room, followed by Sawtooth, now holding a small bundle. A soft grunt told you all that it was time. They were exploring and about to find some unsavoury things. Just as you were about to stay, a grunt drew your attention and the thing Sawtooth was holding was tossed at you. It was wrapped in Porters jacket and you could feel it was the head of someone. Porter or the man who found him, you didn’t know yet. But you felt a swell of pride. Whatever Sawtooth had planned, you were apparently getting a role to play. Disappearing out, you all follow quickly and you started to hear running. The group was split up and agitated. Sawtooth lead you to the auditorium, signalling for his brothers to go up stairs and you to hide behind the black curtains that hid the sides of the stage while the screen was down before he followed his brothers. You managed to hide just in time as they started to funnel in. From what you could gather, they knew one guy was missing, they had seen the blood, they knew you were around somewhere and they needed to get out. Just then, one girl ran in screaming “Theyre gonna kill us all.” The drama queen inside you told you now was the perfect time. You threw the jacket covered object out onto the floor in front of them. “That looks like Porters jacket.” One said. “That is Porters jacket.” The other replied. You peaked around the corner, seeing the black haired girl was approaching it with fear. As she unwrapped the package, you noticed the metal, barbed wire noose that was lowering down from the balcony, a blonde haired girl backing closer to it. Looking up, you saw the brothers had made a pully system. Screams of terror filled the room and during the hysteria, the brothers managed to loop the metal around the girls neck and haul her up. The guy she was with tried to stop her, to help her, but he only made it worse. He grabbed her feet and pulled her down, allowing the metal to saw through her neck with ease at the tension. The rest of the group simply screamed, tried to get out the side doors which were locked. The man lost his grip and slipped back into the puddle of blood, screaming just before she was fully decapitated, her body falling either side of him as the group ran for the main exit. He screamed again before tried to get up but slipped on to the blood again and again before running for the exit after his friends. That was entertaining.   Once clear, you left your hiding spot just as the boys came down. You walked to the edge of the stage, in no real hurry as Sawtooth came up. He came up and gently lifted you down, making you giggle and press a kiss to his cheek. You didn’t want this feud to drive a wedge between you both. But you had no idea if he accepted your little ‘truce’. The four of you went back to the kitchen. The group couldn’t go anywhere anyway. They would either freeze to death outside, or come back in and barricade themselves in one of the offices near the front door. You ended up sitting on the counter while Three Finger carved up the headless body. There was a new sense of peace in the group and you felt whatever tension between you and Sawtooth had mostly disappeared. The boys squabbled as always as Sawtooth tried to take a little more than a snack and Three Finger wasn’t having it. If there was something Three Finger prided himself on, it was being able to strip flesh from bone in a clean way, and it didn’t look clean if Sawtooth kept picking at it. You smiled, but never ate anything raw. You didn’t like it, but the brothers did. Suddenly, you heard running, heading for the lower levels. But you saw Three Finger had heard it too. He threw his cleaver into the meat and ran to follow, scooping up an axe on the way. You considered going with him, till One Eye appeared and took the moment to step in front of where you were sitting and kiss you. But he too left, heading towards where the group must have bunkered down. Probably to torment them a little more. Sawtooth walked in as you had just jumped down, feeling a little lonely. He walked up to the body, about to take another piece but you slapped him hand away with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. He knew you were playing, and simply picked you up and moved you away to grab a bite. You huffed indignantly but he carried you into the chiefs office and sat you down with a strict “stay” gesture before he disappeared too. -------------------

You didn’t hear anything again from the boys until screaming filled the kitchen. You felt a surge of dread while disappeared when you looked out and saw they were tying down one of the guys to the table. You felt a shiver run through your spin because you knew what they were going to do. You didn’t like when they stripped flesh off of someone whos alive. You didn’t like the way they screamed during it, but you help nevertheless. You didn’t let anyone cut the potatoes or onion because you were convinced they would chop off their fingers one day. Three Finger heated up the oil and you brought the cutting board with veg over to the group. Placing it down, you felt One Eye grab your hand, silently asking you to stay, but you shook your head, kissing his cheek to show you didn’t have any issues with them though. You disappeared into the chiefs office, content with reading through the recipe books. You sat for a while, flipping through the books while the screams slowly died down. When they finally seemed to stop, you ventured out, smiling as you entered the kitchen with the boys. One Eye went to smile back at you, but apparently was in the middle of biting down and started to choke. You didn’t noticed straight away as you cleared away a couple of things but then you noticed Three Finger and Sawtooth hitting his back. You were about to panic, when one of Three Fingers knocks made him cough up the chunk and it flew across the table into the oil. Three Finger and One Eye started to cackle just as you were about to laugh when suddenly, someone smashed something red across the back of Sawtooths head. The man then went for one Eye but Sawtooth pushed him passed the table as Three Finger managed to back the man off a bit. Until screaming filled the room. It all happened so quickly. The group ran into the room, screaming and brandishing weapons. In all truth, you didn’t originally move. It was Sawtooth who grabbed you and pushed you to move and run. You didn’t get a chance to think as you raced through the hallway only to have one way blocked off with fire. Down into the cells you were all chased before, somehow, you ended falling into a cell at the dead end. not just any cell, though. The Hillikers original cell. The group slammed the door shut, locking you in. Sawtooth stood with his arms held out in front of his brothers, Three Finger to his left and One Eye to hid right. You were positioned directly behind the three of them. “Lets kill them.” Someone walked up the corridor, the girl who had caused the fire. “yeah, Jenna, lets do it.” The shorter girl with black hair agreed. “wait, wait. We cant just kill them.” The taller girl shook her head, looking confused. “Why the fuck not?” The man snapped. “They killed our friends and theyre gonna kill us then fucking eat us.” “Yeah we’re not them.” The tall black haired girl gestured towards the cell. “Fuck that!” The man turned to the cell, shining the torch in. “look at me. Look. At. Me. Fuck you, you mother fuckers. Im gonna cut your heart out, you mother fuckers. You understand that?” “I didn’t know there was a girl.” The girl with the curly black hair spoke, eyeing you up just before Three Finger stepped in front of you, snapping his jaws at them. “Shes fucking them.” The guy suddenly realised, his eyes darting to the brothers who instantly became more protective of you. “What, is she your sister? Freaks!” “No, she doesn’t look like them.” Another said. “I saw her file. Well, Daniel showed me. She was just dump here by her parents. They, they bonded or something. I dunno. But the file said never leave them all together.” “We aren’t opening that cell again, Sara!” The girl who was with ‘Sara’ shook her head, backing away from the cell. “No, youre right, Bridget.” The man gritted his teeth, turning to the girl with the yellow top. “Go get the other kerosene lantern. We’re gonna roast these fuckers alive.” You felt a new wave of fear run through your veins as the girl took off running. The girl who had spoke out against the idea looked deeply troubled as the man, who was still covered in his girlfriends blood, glared into the cell. One Eye glanced to you, and you could see he was worried. You all were. When she came back, the man started to dump the oil from the lantern through the cell door and onto the floor. All three backed away and you ended up pressed against the furthest wall, Three finger stepping closest to you. he finished and then pulled out a lighter. “Time for a barbecue, fuckers.” He growled at you all. You noticed Sara closed her eyes, seeming as if she was against this idea as well. “Kyle. Don’t do this.” The girl, whos name you think is Kenia, says. “They deserve it.” Kyle turns to the group, apparently sensing that it wasn’t a universal agreement. “Yeah they do, but you don’t.” She steps closer. “Don’t do this to yourself. Give me that lighter. Give me the lighter.” After a tense moment, one which you were sure he would throw the lighter down and set the floor on fire, he flicked it close and shoved the lighter back in his pocket. “Well, what are we gonna do now?” Bridget threw her hands up in the air in annoyance. “We find the spark plug wires, and we leave in the morning. Storm or no storm.” Kenia said before turning to the cell and talking to the four of you. “Where are the spark plug wires?” The wires. Theyre in the chiefs office. You had closed over the door, but would they think to look int here? You didn’t know. No one answered her, One Eye flitting to the other side of the cell. “Basards cant even talk.” Kyle rolls his eyes. “Fine, then we search. Room by room.” Kenia thinks quickly. “Okay but somebody has to watch them.” Jenna nods to you. “I will.” Kyle volunteers and you instantly raise an eye brow. It appeared from Kenias expression, she had the same thoughts as yours because he turned to her. “I wont touch a fucking hair on their head. Okay?” “Okay.” “Just go look for the wires. Send someone back in a couple of hours to relieve me. We’ll take shifts throughout the night.” He rattles off his plan, and apparently everyone silently agrees as thye file out of the room, leaving him. “Hey, you?” Kyle spoke directly to One Eye who was circling back to you, but was curious and paused. “Are you hungry?” You felt sick, knowing this was going to be some sick joke. But One Eye was the most trusting of the three brothers as the man offered him something from a packet. Before you could stop him, One Eye went to the bars but the man hit his hand.

“Fuck you, motherfuckers. You thought I was actually gonna feed you?” Three finger let out a cackle as One Eye back away to you. You instantly looked at his hand, making sure of no damage. Sawtooth growled lowly. “You know im actually gonna kill all four of you, don’t you? I will. Im gonna say I forgot something, then im gonna come back and im gonna kill each and every one of you freaks.” “Piss off.” You hissed, looking up at him. “You- you speak.” He shines the touch at you, so you smirk at him. “Right, you speak. Motherfucker. So, why’d you do it? Huh?” “You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.” You walk up to the bars, placing your forehead against the cool metal. “Wheres the sparkplug wires?” He raised the flashlight and shone it into your face. You smiled, and with a half-hearted shrug of the shoulders, you retreated from the cell door. “Just sleep tight.” Kyle snaps at you through the bars. All three of the brothers quickly moved in front of you, making you smile softly at them. You felt dread building in your chest as you struggled to think of something. You walked into the corner off the cell, struggling to breath as you felt the walls closing in on you. You needed to hide the panic you felt from the group. But you hadn’t been down this area since the breakout, and for good reason. Closing your eyes, you tried to calm yourself so you could think straight. Someone rubbed your arms reassuringly and you opened your eyes to see Three Finger standing in front of you. You immediately stepped close to him, resting your forehead on his shoulder as you sought intimacy. He offered you it, almost purring when you cuddle into him and his arms wrapped around you. For a while, he stood with you, calming you down. In truth, Three Finger was the best when you were like this. One Eye would get too worked up and start to panic while Sawtooth was the complete opposite and offered you no sympathy for fear of showing weakness. But Three Finger knew to keep you close and even nuzzled against you. You felt the panic in your chest start to ease, and you were able to think straight. Looking up, you smiled gratefully, but despite his own dorky smile back, you could see he was concerned, and probably scared. Pulling back, you were also grateful that he had manged to position himself to stand directly between you and the bars. He blocked your view of the guy who was now guarding you all, so you glanced past him as saw the man had passed out on the floor. If you could only get out. Looking back to Three Finger, you could see the worry in his eyes, and both One Eye and Sawtooth watched on in concern. In a few hours, you would be burned to death, and they were more worried about you having a stupid panic attack. They had always cared for you more than themselves, even back in the old days, before you all escaped. An idea shot into your mind like lightening. the pin! Suddenly, you grabbed Three Finger and yanked him over to the basin. after they had escaped and freed you, you had found the pin on the ground and decided that it needed to stay down in their old cell, just in case the orderlies managed to get everyone back under control. So you had hidden it. Getting down on your hands and knees, you reached under the pipes, your hands just fitting as you felt the cold metal of the pin. Pulling it out, you turned back and offered the pin to Three Finger. You saw his eyes light up at the sight of it, the very tool which had offered you your freedom all those years ago. his eyes trailed up to you, and he grinned wickedly. You felt your stomach backflip as you smiled, your fears long forgotten as he taken the pin from your hands. Sawtooth and One Eye hadn’t seen the exchange, or what you had given Three Finger, so they watched as Three Finger crept to the bars of the cell. You followed but One Eye reached an arm across you. They wanted to keep you to the back to protect you. taking his hand, you watched anxiously as Three Finger reached through the bars and started to pick the lock. Every little creak made your heart skip a beat as you waited for the man to wake up. But then you heard a ping, and held your breath as Three Finger started to slowly pull the cell door open again. Sawtooth was first out, taking long purposely strides to the sleeping man. He grabbed him by the throat, pushing him against the wall as he dragged him up to eye height. The fear in the mans eyes was undeniable as he realised how badly he had fucked up. Sawtooth raised his fist and with one sharp jab, the man was knocked out. Three Finger cackled menacingly as Sawtooth picked him back and threw him over his shoulder, leading the way out. You all followed, knowing there was no point hanging around here in case they did find the plug and came back to get their friend. Up, through the corridors you went till you came to the kitchen. Three Finger quickly checked around while you made sure the spark plugs were still where one eye had left them. They were. That was lucky. You came out and saw the had laid the guy on one of the tables, about to kill him. “Wait.” You grabbed Three Fingers hand, stopping him from killing the man. “Cut his tongue out.” The boys looked at you, utterly perplexed. You were normally the more docile of the four, wanting someone to have a quick death rather than long and drawn out. “Cut out his tongue and swap your clothes with him.” You looked pointed at Three Finger as you took the knife and made quick work of the last two fingers on the mans hand. Three Finger, not wanting to upset you again, followed your instructions, swapping his clothes as One Eye cut out the mans tongue. you grabbed a bag and cut eye holes in it before pulled it over his head, tying it there just as Three Finger strapped his gloves on the man. Once he was ready, you got them to help you get the man up to the floor with the girls. Leaning him against the wall, you shook him until you felt him start to move of his own accord. Giving him a rough shove in the direction of the room the girls were held up in, you let him stagger to his feet and he quickly began to stumble away, dazed, confused and in pain. the brothers went to go after him but you held out a hand, stopping them. You watched the man turn right at the end of the hall way. You kept your arm up, and they didn’t cross you. You didn’t need to wait long. You heard the girl battle cry’s as he hobble just into sight before he was bought to the ground by the girls. They had mistaken their friend for Three Finger and now, they were screaming as they stabbed him mercilessly in the back. Poor bastard. you felt Sawtooth push against you, asking to go after them, but you refused. They needed to know what they had done. You needed to break them. Three Finger let out a shrill cackle and their attention snapped up to you. With a smirk, you dropped your arm, and the three brothers stepped forward. The girls scrambled to their feet and fled back to their safe place. You expected the boys to go after them, but Sawtooth stopped, looking back to you. You felt a wave of excitement, knowing what this meant. You were coming along. racing to his side, you beamed at him. You expected him to continue and lead his brothers as he always did, but instead he surprised you. Ducking down, he kissed you. You were taken aback. Sawtooth didn’t kiss. he let you kiss him, but it didn’t seem to mean as much as it did to the others. A kiss was a form of affection he wasn’t fond of, mainly because he could easily tear up your lips if he wasn’t carful. He learned that when you were both young and exploring each other. And yet, he kissed you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, locking him in place as you quickly returned the kiss hungrily. Strong arms lifted you up off the ground as if you were as light as a doll. You felt him wrap and arm around your lower back and the other about mid-thigh, holding you tight against his body. Sniggering brought you both out of the moment as his brothers fought to keep their laughter back. Not out of cruelty, but they enjoyed that despite the stone faced brothers approached, he was as much under your spell as they were. He was as much yours as you were his. Giggling, you jumped up slightly to press a kiss to his cheek while the other two headed down the corridor. Something caught his eye in the next room. Before you could ask, Sawtooth went inside and came out with an ice drill. Three Finger cackled, jumping up and down at the new toy. You smirked at Sawtooth, knowing full well that at least one of the girls will meet a painful end at the hands of such a weapon. You stepped aside, bowing comically as you let Sawtooth walk past you and his brothers to lead the next attack. Rounding a corner, Sawtooth heard the running footsteps and the ice drill roared to life, followed by screaming as the girls skidded to run in the opposite direction. they ran for the front door, which had been chained shut during the day. More shrieks as they realised and had to double back on themselves. Suddenly, Sawtooth stopped. He turned to you, giving a single nod towards where the girls were. You understood. Follow them. Darting in front, you ran with silent feet and sensitive hearing. They were heading upstairs, to the attic. You followed them as they ended up stumbling into the room the guys slept in. Your bedroom was in a hidden door off to the side which was locked. And you were thankful. You didn’t want them rummaging through your stuff. The girls found some of the older clothes, pulling them on to keep warm if/when they got outside. This changed the game again. Because now you couldn’t rely on them freezing to death in the current climate. You had to get them before they left the grounds. You kept to the shadows as the girls ran back out the room, through the attic and back down the stairs, towards the east wing. You didn’t follow them the whole way, instead following the drill sound to find the guys. “They went upstairs and found jackets. They’re prepared for going outside.” You ran up, tell the brothers the new information. Sawtooth huffed as you noticed they had pulled on some of their own thick jackets. The ones they had been wearing the night before, so had probably left somewhere in the kitchen area when they came back. One Eye held out your own, which you had kept by the back entrance. Grinning, you kissed his cheek before pulling it on and guided them towards the west wing. One Eye ran ahead to open a door with his shoulder, but it didn’t budge. He rattled the release handle a few times with little avail. “They’ve blocked it.” You mumble, running forward and looking through the window. You couldn’t see anything in the way of the door, so you looked through the small crack between the two door. You saw a thick object connecting the doors. “They’ve jammed something through the handle.” You call over your shoulder to the others. Suddenly, you heard running and just manage to jump out the way as Three Finger’s body collides with the door, falling to the ground. You press your lips together in a harsh line to stop yourself from laughing as you and One Eye look at each other. His amusement did nothing to help your attempts, so you had to raise your hands over your mouth before hearing grunting from Sawtooth. This wasn’t the time for jokes, even if his eyes did betray that he found it rather comical as well. One Eye tried the same body slam, but managed to catch himself without falling. Nothing seemed to budge the door. There was little point in you trying, so you stood to the side as some kind of strange cheerleader. That was, until, Sawtooth walked up to the door. He looked through the window, before walking back and passing the drill to One Eye. He gave himself much more of a run up to the door, and as his mass collided with the door, your noticed it gave a lot more that the previous attempts. And there was a cracking sound. “Its working.” You run up, pushing on the door and seeing it was now moving if only by an inch or so. You stepped back, looking to Sawtooth as he lined himself up again. A second, and third time but it was the fourth that he broke through the door. Three Finger let out a triumphant cackle as the brothers raced through the door, followed by you. Sawtooth took the drill back as they looked in each room, only to find one girl half was out through a burrow in the snow. She ended up crawling back, wiping snow off her face. She didn’t even notice Sawtooth coming up behind her. She didn’t know until the drill was protruding through her stomach as he mangled her insides. The blood sprayed out, only for you to notice one of the girls had climbed back down to try help her. She was pulled back up in a heartbeat before anything could be done. The drill was turned off and the body fell to the floor, lifeless. The brothers, their eyes fixed on the hole, knew where the girls had gone. Three Finger nudged Sawtooth, making a fist with his right hand and mimicking the revving of a motorbike. Sawtooth smirked and nodded as he left the room, you all in tow. “Ill go get the spark plug wires.” You call out, running past the others, knowing it was quicker you going to get them. You ran and grabbed the sparkplug wires before meeting the boys at the door. They now had more weapons, each holding one. Following them outside to the snowmobiles, you handed each of them a plug for each machine except one. You didn’t know how to even begin to wire one up or even drive one. They boys seemed to have a knack at this kind of stuff. “Once this is over, you have to show me how to drive one of these.” You nod to the dormant snowmobile, looking to Sawtooth, who paused for a moment before giving a single nod. Smiling widely, you watched three Finger as he worked. They wired up the machines before revving them to life. Stepping back, you were reluctant to go back inside when you heard Three Finger cackle. You looked at him and he nodded his head to the back of his. you paused, your heart skipping a beat as you prayed you understood him. Glancing to Sawtooth, he gave a single nod and revved the engine, an indicator to hurry up. Smiling, you ran over and swung your leg over the back of Three Fingers snowmobile, locking your arms around his torso. He glanced back at you, making sure you were ready before the other speed off. You cuddled into his back, grinning as the adrenaline from the ride set in. you loved how fast these things could go. They would be a great addition for the days of boredom. Sawtooth followed the girls tracks in the snow, and it didn’t take long to catch up. They circled the girls, getting them worked up. They screamed and cried out, but then Sawtooth signalled for the other to back off. Retreating back, you stood up on the back of the snowmobile to watch what would happen with the shadows in the distance. They couldn’t see you guys, but because they were in the open, you could just make out them. “Theyre splitting up.” You call out, knowing it was best to attack now. Going in for another attack, Three Finger managed to swing and injure one of the girls while Sawtooth grabbed another. You looked up, seeing the girl was struggling too much and started jabbing something into Sawtooths arm. He dropped her, but neglected to notice the incoming low branch. It knocked him right off his snowmobile. One Eye was right behind him, capturing the girl. You and Three Finger went to check on Sawtooth, who stumbled up with a grumble. He fobbed off your calls of concern, rubbing his head before trekking to get his snowmobile. You knew better than to try fuss over him like this. He would just push you away anyways. You would make sure to check him over once his ego isn’t as bruised. Hearing screaming, you look up and see One Eye had got the girl. Getting off Three fingers, you raced over to see what One Eye was doing. Three Finger sped off, in search of another victim. You saw the blood coming out the end of the bike as he looked up at you, waiting for something. “Well done. That’s really inventive.” You smile as the girls scream become weaker then stop entirely when the snowmobile dropped. One Eye beams at you before looking away shyly. Walking through the snow, you reach up and guide his face towards your own before kissing him, deeply. He melt against your kiss, whining slightly as he reached up, cupping your cheek. You were interrupted when you heard a female voice crying out. Heads snapping to the side, you saw one girl running through the snow. One Eye cut a rope on the back before scooped you up and put you on the back of his snowmobile, revving it and racing away. You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding on tightly.

 ------------time skip -------------

 You awoke, well rested and refreshed. Trudging through the hallways, you couldn’t help but feel happy and content. Three Finger appeared, grinning as he grabbed your hand and started to drag you to the front door, where you saw the truck was now out front. Along with a sulking One Eye. Frowning, you notice the bruising starting to appear on his left eye. Racing out the front door, without a jacket, you were in front of him before he knew it, cupping his cheek and looking at the injury. One Eye smiled, ducking his head a little out of embarrassment. He must have gotten hurt chasing the girls when you and Three Finger had come home last night, after you had rode for a bit with Sawtooth of course. Speaking of which, Sawtooth grunted, signalling to the truck as he climbed on the back with the crane part. One Eye stole a quick kiss before you all headed to the truck.  You took pride of place in the front beside Three Finger, which was already nice and warm. You didn’t know where you were driving to, but Three Finger apparently did as, after about 10 minutes, he pulled up beside a bank of snow. Looking out, you saw two bodies, decapitated. They hadn’t got away. Stepping out the truck, you climbed up on the rear wheel to see the brothers in the back of the truck while Three Finger retrieved the heads of the bodies. They didn’t even see the two snowballs you had in your hand until Three Finger had thrown the heads and bodies in the back and got back into the cab. You took the opportunity to hurl the snow at both One Eye and Sawtooth before diving back into the cab and locked the doors. Three Finger cackled as Sawtooth banged on the rear window. You smiled innocently at him, but you felt the sudden dread that you would soon have to get out the cab. “I don’t think I’ll be getting those lessons today.” You giggled as you glanced out the rear window. Three Finger cackled before driving away. You slipped closer to him, cuddling into his side as he drove.

[howljenky]

I have a few things to say thats been circling in my mind a lot.

The reduction and watering down of the word Femme to mean Feminine woman, not even lesbian as i saw bi ppl use it as well, and straigh women use it as well, as an empowering feminine word that completly disregard the culture of the word, made me ocasionally think to myself "ugh i hate being called a femme" and made me have life crises in which i forget what Femme stands for, because i have no map for it, and noone to cling to, and teach me, and remind me, that i exist in this world to love butches. The loneliness i feel is tearing me apart. More under cut.

Feminine women saw the word femme, and decided femmes are trying to replicate heterosexuality, that femmes are selfish, and close minded, and "exclusuonists", and they took this word for themselves to preach about how good femme4femme relationships are, how ignorant and misogynistic we were for not choosing to date other feminine women, and for replicating heterosexuality, they took it and trampled over us for not being progressive, for choosing to date the ugly mean dykes. And this is it, this is the reason they did it. Their hatered for butches and masculine women.

This hatered is why terms like "soft butch" exists, this is why everyone tells butches they can be feminine if they want to, while pissing and dissing on the butches that reject every form of feminity, calling them links to toxic masculinity, calling them predatory, and mean, and cold hearted, and cheaters, and emotionally closed off, in our own lesbian community no less, which come to bite femmes in the ass as well for choosing to date such "heartless bastards", to the point you take the word femme from us to "save us" or whatever is going through their minds, while also telling everyone a characteristic of being a lesbian is to be soft masculine. They want that "soft androgyny" aesthetic, masculine women to at least have a feminine thing about them, as if butches are still obliged by the police to have 3 women garments on themselves like in our past culture, but not to be too feminine, because then u have to date other feminine lesbians, or fall into this category of lesbians that are being asked "so why dont you just date a man?" Because people just cannot get through their thick skulls that lesbians have NOTHING to do with men. Not too feminine, because feminity is men's.

So alright, they hate the butches, and they "reclaimed" femme from those who stay with the butches. And it is good for them! They can use the word femme as they please, while continuing to compare butches to men and out relationship to a straight one. But what does that mean for the butchfemme culture?

It directly harms out community. We cannot find eachother that easily anymore. I see the word femme and instead of being estatic that i am not alone in this world, I get wary and confused, to the point that I dont even search for femmes like me anymore. Im okay alone as well, as long as i have the attention of butches. The word femme made me so distant of its meaning, that only butches can pull me out of it and remind me just why i exist and what i am fighting for, just by existing in the same space as them. But they have it hard too. On top of all the hate, from straight people and from the lgbt+ community and even from the lesbian comunity, they have a hard time finding femmes to truly understand them, and love them, and be patient with them as well. The rings of this community falls so thight and it always feels like its getting smaller and smaller instead of larger. Consciously or not, the pressure and hatered we get drives us away from ourselves. The pressure of finding femmes like me, the disappointment i get often of not being understood by fellow lesbians drove me away from them. It's just butches i can rely onto. For lesbians and for other members of the lgbt community, this makes me an exclusionist, a demon, a bad person.

The lack of media representation is a problem here as well. No straight person wants to see an old mean dyke on the screen, so they don't put them. They don't put them so that they won't turn to "stereotypical lesbians". They don't put them because they hate them. The lesbian representation is few as it is, but it is all feminine women, or femme4femme as the others with no regard to the butchfem community chose to name it. This mainly is to appeal to the male gaze, so that no man would feel threatened by someone more masculine than them. In this world, not even lesbians, who exclude men, can never separate from them entirely. Butches get compared to men, femmes are put in a box of feminity for the male gaze, and both being called a heterosexual replica, a second hand straight couple, by everyone. No wonder it took so long for me to even know what i was. And who i was. Where could i have seen myself, if there were no femmes on the screen? How would i have known who i love if there arent any butches in media? If it hadnt been for my then-friend and now unapologetical butch girlfriend, i wouldn't have read stone butch blues, and then i wouldnt have read all the other books, and i wouldnt have gotten myself in that thight spot in the small community, and i would have still be lost and lonely. Now i am just lonely, but not lost.

This lack of representation also makes everyone go along with internet trends, and not getting documented on the culture. They go along with what the others say, because theres barely any place to learn about this and to fully capture its essence and meaning. We are silenced, and deemed not worthy to be heard, because of modernised times, and changes in meanings, and being regressive. But my love for butches is an act of revolution against everyone that might call me selfish, or straight, a fake persona, and its not lower than the other non-aligned lesbians.

This is why I am still an unapologetical Femme. I am a femme, because of the feminine women around me invalidating my identity with calling themselves femme. I am femme, because of loving butches. I am femme because i exist to love and cherish and respect butches. I am femme because when everyone hates butches, where else would they go? Where is their home? Where are they fully accepted? Unconditionally? Where are butches allowed to be masculine without getting bashed for it? Who understands how butches love? Who desires them, without sexualising them?

I am femme because i am a home to butches. I am femme because, regardless of what others say, my femininity still isnt for men, and never will be. I am femme because i want change. I am femme because until butches get accepted as they are, unconditionally and without a doubt, i am not accepted either, and i refuse to get accepted without them. I am femme, until the day i see myself on the screen, until i see my lovers on the screen, until i see our love accepted and beyond that. I am a femme because i want to leave a piece of my love for butches on earth. I am femme because i want to teach, and be heard. My femme-ness doesnt sit in my feminity alone. Femme is liberating, and secure, not restaining, and forced.

I have so much else to say, but this is getting ridiculously long, and all over the place, but these were my thoughts. I desire for a day in which i could be understood. Of course, these thoughts are coming from an easter european mindset, as of where there isnt any representation, zero knowledge on the matter, post-comminist country in which lgbt people need to still hide in certain situations. I am angry at the world's view of the word femme, and what it got to mean these days. I am angry at the hatered towards butches. I am angry and i will not shut up about it anymore.

All i am asking is. Educate yourself. Be conscious of words and what they mean. Respect us. Stop making up new words for every single thing. Futch isnt real guys. Thats all.

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Terfs and transmysoginists and any other fucker that dares to think this post doesn't include trans women fuck off. Trans butches, studs and trans femmes are always loved and welcomed here. Racists fuck off as well, you arent needed.