#without even needing to test me
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psychoticwillgraham · 2 years ago
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a five below store opened today in town and sis went with mom and us and she kept telling us to ‘stop being hyper’ and ‘calm the fuck down, you’re acting a child’ bc I was overstimulated and overwhelmed by all the bright lights and bright colors and noises and she straight up yelled at me and told me ‘STOP ACTING LIKE A (insert r slur here) IN PUBLIC BECAUSE YOU’RE FUCKING EMBARRASSING ME!!’ extremely loudly that everyone else could hear and and a bunch of ppl laughed at me and I felt like making a scene and just crying and running out of the store but I didn’t bc that would just make it worse.
like I’m sorry, I can’t fucking help it. you have a minor in psychology (which means absolutely nothing but she shadowed in the local psych ward kids and adults units so she knows what’s going on) so you know better than to humiliate me in public for something I can’t control. but she almost makes it like a game to see how humiliated she can get me in public places and I honestly believe that she gets a rise out of it bc it’s all about control for her. she even told mom that she shouldn’t ‘allow’ me to go in there anymore because i wanna buy everything and I’ll annoy the other customers bc of how loud and excited I get.
im a fucking adult and I want to be treated like one just like everyone else
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aingeal98 · 7 months ago
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More Jason and Cass thoughts (sorry but also not sorry) but if I was magically given full control over DC and could write what I'd want obviously I'd make Cass Batman but I've been thinking of what sort of reaction and role Jason would have in response. I think I'd write his version of "Congrats on the new job!" as a test, involving the Joker and civilians and gangs and Red Hood and a ton of explosives. Bruce failed me, and now he's given up. You're his successor, let's see how you handle this dilemma that freaked him out so badly he threw a batarang into my throat rather than let me avenge my own death in front of him.
So obviously Cass will overcome the traps and the puzzles. That's the fun part to show how competent both of them are and sprinkle in little character moments as we go. But then we reach the emotional crux of the matter, probably laid out as some sort of saw trap because it's Jason. Here I am, a victim of murder. You say nobody dies tonight but I did, and I want the man who did it dead. Not only did Batman fail to avenge me but he failed to stop the Joker from going on to create even more victims. What right do you have to stop me from getting justice for myself? What right does this man have to life after what he's taken from me and from countless others? I'm not trying to kill a random stranger, I'm specifically demanding justice for my own death that I never got while I was gone.
There are two ways this could go. The straightforward route if I knew my time on this run was limited would probably be a pyrrhic victory like the ones Cass's og series was so fond of. Just like Bruce in utrh, she acts on instinct and saves the Joker (and Jason this time) . A win technically, but she fails the test. Jason is once again vindicated but with nothing to show for it. The story ends with Cass sending the Joker back to jail and going back to the batcave, where the old Robin costume looms judgementally, highlighting her failure. It would be the most fitting end given their character molds, all tragedy and conviction and unstoppable force meets immovable object etc.
However... I think the option I prefer would be a little different. Cass levelling with Jason, a killer talking to a murder victim. She has no right to stop Jason from getting justice, she has no love for the Joker but she knows any death she allows to happen like this would devastate her, just like that death row inmate long ago she tried to break out but ended up letting go once the family of the victim talked to her and demanded justice. I think... In this specific situation, she'd just be honest. Morally she has no right sure. Personally she just really really doesn't want anyone to die. Give her one chance, please. Let her try it her way. Not demanding, not lecturing or insisting, just... Please. Don't do this. Let me try another way.
And then what? Jason asks.
In the end a deal is struck. Cass will take the Joker and lock him up, ensuring he never harms anyone again while also trying to rehabilitate him. But the second she fails and he gets free, Jason kills him and she won't stand in his way. It's the kind of deal that leaves both of them mildly disgusted and dissatisfied with themselves, neither of them naturally creatures of compromise when it comes to this specific topic. But Cass is willing to do anything to avoid death and Jason did not expect the new Bat to be so... Flexible? Kind of? Of course maybe she won't actually hold up her end of the deal and when the Joker gets loose she'll try and stop Jason from killing him and he'll get his miserable vindication, but right now this is something strange and new and he's mildly confused and curious about where it will go. He doesn't believe in her ability to contain the Joker forever but he's willing to let her try because her reaction to that future failure interests him. She's given him a sword of damocles to hang above her head and he didn't ask for it or expect it. It's the type of power he never thought the Bat would just... Hand to him.
The conflict ends with neither of them fully winning or losing. They both don't really know what to feel about this.
The thing is, the second Cass let's Jason kill the Joker she's hanging up the mantle. She's staking the Bat on this, because it's always go big or go home with her when it comes to saving others, even someone like the Joker. In this magical universe where I have unlimited power, Cass would lock the Joker in a secret bunker and have Leslie Thompkins talk to him daily, mostly because I think her pacifism speeches and debates in the comics would make a fun contrast to the Joker's evil sadism. (But what about his rights? Doesn't he deserve a trial and to be held in a regular prison? I'm going to be honest I think Cass would be very comfortable bending the rules on this specific situation. Morally questionable but I'd have fun with it. She's going to let Leslie treat Joker like her personal pet project to save his soul because yes she wants him to change but also she's got a city to save every night so go crazy Leslie, have fun.)
And the Batman series would continue with Cass as the lead, new challenges and new antagonists and every twenty issues or so for the first hundred we'll cut back to the Joker briefly if his chats with Leslie can help highlight some thematic element of the current arc. But bit by bit he'd slowly fade away onto oblivion, maybe getting referenced every hundred issues or so until eventually no one remembers or cares about him because there's so much else going on. Meanwhile Jason's got a good thing going as Red Hood, primarily based in Park Row and a tentative ally on the occasion when their vigilante work aligns. Unlike Joker he's a much more frequent character in the comics, and after say 10 years (this is my magical fantasy universe Cass's batman run is going to last for a very long time alright) when people think of DC characters they think of Red Hood long before they think of the Joker.
Is any of this realistic? Right now of course not. It's why I'd go with the pyrrhic victory if I actually got the chance, because it would be the best way to tell the story in the larger context of the Bat narrative. But it's my fantasy DC editor and writer daydream and I'm going to dream big. They're never going to be normal happy siblings, their personal demons will never fully let them be free and the looming possibility of losing everything they currently have narrative wise if Bruce comes back as Batman will always be there. But it's maybe the closest to peace they'll ever get. Unsatisfying and tame compromise that probably violates several laws and ethical codes but whatever. Cass has never read the Geneva convention and Jason's not going to shed tears over the Joker. Let him die relevancy wise if not physically.
#dc#cassandra cain#batfam#dc rambles#Jason Todd#In terms of the larger meta narrative ultimately whether the Joker dies or gets locked up is irrelevant#But Cass will never be willing to just let someone die without trying to the very end to make her case for their life#And I think it's entirely possible Jason would reject her proposal and we're back to square one#But I think the two main reasons to me that he'd accept is one. Cass betting her career on this. She doesn't need to do that.#She could save the Joker and fail Jason's personal test and that would be that. Her actually reaching out#Being willing to risk something precious just to try and compromise with Jason. It would be more than he expected#From a family that he understandably believes he does not matter enough to#And secondly is the long term consequence of the Joker fading into irrelevancy while Jason maintains his prominence as a character#A reverse of his death where he was turned into nothing but a footnote and a memorial for Batman angst#While the Joker went on to gain even more narrative power as Batman's Greatest Enemy#Now he is nothing. And Jason is alive and a solid part of the mythos#It would take time obviously but ultimately from a Doylist sense to me it's the most satisfying resolution#Maybe after like 10 years Cass can die again briefly the Joker gets out and Jason gets to kill him to give Maps some fun Robin angst#But ultimately it's very important to me that if Cass becomes batman the Joker must become irrelevant#He's just not useful enough thematically to be worth his current narrative weight when she's running the show
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saedyne · 10 days ago
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this may be a hot take, but - for me, adaptations extricating kon's creation from its original circumstances (i.e. superman was dead!!) bothers me almost as much as the lex retcon
#like. i find it infuriatingly fascinating that both major adaptations of kon so far (yj cartoon and titans) have gone with#“superman wasn't dead AND he's half lex”#i suspect my adventures with superman is gonna do this too. and it just makes me...idk‚ sad i guess. melancholy. wistful. also mad.#i feel like a lot of the tragedy of kon's character comes from him being made to BE superman! not superboy! superMAN!#(one day. one day i'll write my essay “Kon-El and The Burden of Purpose”)#but talking SPECIFICALLY about adaptations. it grinds my gears that the standard formula has become clex clone baby#all while clark isn't even dead. i think it's a disservice to kon's origins AND you'd get a better fresher story by.....not doing that.#i'm not blindly ambitious enough to truly hope we'll get a genuine as-it-was-written kon adaptation but i'd settle for one or the other#like. i hate the lexcon BUT. lex creating kon after superman dies COULD be an interesting story MAYBE. in the right hands#OR. fuck that bald bastard‚ get him outta here‚ and have cadmus create a clone of superman without superman even dying#which transposes kon's creation from “the world needs a superman and the US government is stepping up! albeit a little unethically” to#“the US government believes america needs its own superman. so they made one‚ with full intent to replace the original”#which could be a verrrry interesting way to modernise the relationship between superman and american imperialism.#but idk. i just don't know. i love kon so much and i would love to watch an adaptation of him that doesn't piss me off#AND if i see ONE MORE “teehee clex babytrap!” tweet i'm gonna start shooting hostages. don't fgucking test me#sae originals#kon#kon el#superboy#conner kent
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harvestmoth · 4 months ago
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hi
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ganondoodle · 10 months ago
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(zelda comic rough draft)
im still unable to draw anything ... except for really slowly getting the chapter 2 rough draft further for some reason, another screenshot from page 59
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littencloud9 · 2 months ago
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why the fuck is she so STUPID
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phier · 11 months ago
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Swiss Spring Scenery Studies
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amelikos · 28 days ago
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Day 47 of being positively shook at the bit of info revealed at the end of HZ092.
#yes it's about amethio's current narrative direction (again)#truly a testament of impeccable writing that there is so much to say about such a short scene bc the themes are conveyed so effectively#lead writer dai sato. i know what you were going for..#honestly i'm just pleasantly surprised again and again that they really went there and made such a bold narrative choice#and straight up said he died#took me off guard as a viewer because it wasn't something i expected at all or even imagined in the first place before mega voltage aired#but absolutely makes sense in retrospect because. yeah of course that's what they'd go for in such a situation after the rakua events#much better than any alternative i could have thought about#it's both bittersweet and satisfying.#really love that amethio's arc is a constant test of his will and his resilience and beliefs#facing obstacles. being humbled. being banished. etc#even better this time because he reaffirmed his bonds with the people closest to him in chapter 4#and found his own path and got told to follow his beliefs by gibeon#you could expect him to get even closer to the others esp after everything that happened#(opening up to zir and conia about his past and teaming up with liko and the others)#but no <3 isolating him from others (presumably) as a test of the strength of his bonds and beliefs. and it's peak!#i assume he might be alone now (just with his pkmn) so he truly is going through his own kind of independence..#just like liko and co.. who are currently traveling by themselves without adult supervision.. It Is The (Almost) Same Arc#amethio being isolated after getting acceptance so his resilience can be tested and so we can see how far he'll go. peak cinema etc#it's such a compelling arc i'm kinda losing it tbh. taking one thing and then giving him another.. letting him grow from his experiences#need to know if he'll show up with zygarde or something#hz092#character notes#episode notes
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sublux · 3 months ago
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busy week.... therapy, rheum appointment, scheduled more labs, scheduled an endocrinology appointment, renewed my health insurance, PCP appointment tomorrow 😔 help
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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its-no-biggie · 4 months ago
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btw. if you even care
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a-concert-just-for-me · 9 months ago
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QB ADHD test is crazy for autists bc tell me why you’re gonna strap this super uncomfortable headband to my head and also have the lights bright in the room bright af and then have the laptop flash images at me too
Like????????
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in-tua-deep · 1 year ago
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when I was 12 I was sick and missed a science test. when I was back at school the teacher told me I could make it up after class but it completely slipped my mind and I went home on the bus
the next day I went to the teacher to apologize and tell her I could stay after that day if it was still okay and before I could she was like “You saw the zero in the grade book” in such a matter of fact way
I, in fact, had not looked at the grade book?? I had no idea that she’d put a zero in for my test. I was just a distractible kid with undiagnosed ADHD who… forgot to stay after school because my usual routine was to get on the bus
I didn’t say that of course. I just nodded in absolute befuddlement and then stayed to take my test that day
I’m much older than 12 now but I still remember my confusion and shame and the bolt of momentary panic before she told me she would let me do the test and I’m like. idk. it kind of stuck with me. I was 12. I was a pretty good student otherwise, yeah distractible but in a quiet “doodle on every paper near me” and “has two to three books on hand at any given time so I don’t get bored” kind of way.
I think even after all these years I still don’t understand why she felt like she had to scare me
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mrsimqle · 9 months ago
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F frame muscle preset wip
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icewindandboringhorror · 8 months ago
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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memorys-skyscraper · 1 month ago
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taking donations of any and all good employment-related vibes rn
#rambles#i have applied to a job that looks promising and i am praying to any and every god that will listen that i get it#bc yall! im about to lose my god damned mind at my current job!#only reason im still there is bc i still have bills to pay and need health insurance- otherwise i'd be long gone by now#but its just fucking crazy to be getting highkey gaslit not only by an entire company but also an entire industry#EVERYTHING is about AI rn. EVERYTHING. and so many of the people i work with consume/promote it completely uncritically#these are smart people! and yet they're out here like 'wow copilot is so cool- it transcribed this meeting for us and wrote a summary'#'i love using copilot to help rewrite my emails' 'copilot is really helpful with writing unit tests'#meanwhile!! the fucking planet is burning!! people are actively getting dumber thanks to this shit!!#its so much harder to know what's real vs what's ai bullshit now!! its directly being used to harm people with deepfakes!!!#people are losing their fucking minds and are actually getting emotionally attached to these chatbots/think they're messengers from god!!!#the social harm being done is genuinely unfathomable and yet!! the whole fucking tech industry just keeps! throwing! money! at! genAI!#its every job posting on linkedin! its in every app! every website! you need customer support? good fucking luck getting past the chatbot!#and the longer i refuse to use this shit- even as everyone around me uses it without a second thought- the crazier i feel#like even minus the environmental cost i find it simultaneously worthless and existentially galling#worthless bc you cannot rely on it for factual information bc it will just make shit up#existentially galling bc if youre using it for anything other than factual information then... what the fuck are you doing?#you want to turn over the things that make us human- thinking and interpreting and creating- to a fucking predictive text algorithm?#you cant be bothered to read anymore so you need chatgpt to condense text into summaries?#you want to create an image but dont want to do the actual creation so you tell chatgpt what you want and settle for whatever it shits out?#then what the fuck is the point of anything!!!!!#i am desperate to get away from this shit bc it makes my skin crawl but jobs that dont involve it are few and far between rn#and if i dont get this job i applied for then idfk what i'll do. genuinely might have to go back to school or something#bc every other job ive seen that i even remotely qualify for would rot my soul one way or another and i refuse to keep letting that happen
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