#with the whole thing actually!

[bumblee27]

Here's a treat for @sloth-sloth-sloth as part of the @mcyt-summer-of-yuri! I saw your Good Omens AU prompt and lost my mind a bit (/pos), so here ya go :D

Oh, I also made them pirates, because I can (I wouldn't call Cleo a main villain, but she's definitely a major annoyance so I really hope that's okay!)

-

A cry from the crow's nest caught Cleo’s attention. She pulled a spyglass from xeir belt, and fixed it on a single ship in the distance, faraway, but undoubtedly making a beeline for Lucifer's Wrath (the ship name was, of course, Cleo's own work). It grew from a speck in the distance to a discernible shape at an alarming rate, white flags billowing. A naval ship.

“Right, listen up!”

Their crew all turned to look at xem. They weren't the sharpest bunch, nor the prettiest. No more than a load of low-lying cut-throat criminals, to put it nicely. But it turned out that all they needed was a good captain to be able to pull off the best - or, technically, worst - heist in history.

“This isn't going to be easy. We are up against the best of the best - far more skilled than any snobby merchant ship we've raided before. But we are going to give it everything we've got. Show no mercy! And if you do… if you're unlucky enough to survive the wrath of the queen's men, I heard Davy Jones is awful fond of cowards. You hear me? I want to see you playing so dirty, your mothers would be ashamed of you. Do as I say, and the path to victory is effortless. Now, who's with me?”

There was a defening cheer of approval and agreement. Cleo was a very good motivational speaker.

The naval ship drew nearer and nearer. Canons started being fired, and from there it just descended into total chaos. The two vessels drew close enough to one another for Cleo's pirates to be able to spectacularly jump to the enemy deck. Cleo herself leaped from the rigging, screamimg a battle cry. Xe landed faultlessly, and chose her first victim, raising their cutlass above their head, ready to strike- and then xe froze.

“Pearl?!”

“Cleo! Ugh, I should have known!”

Cleo clicked their fingers, and both of their crews froze mid-action. “What the Hell are you doing here?!”

Pearl crossed his arms and glared at her. “Someone's been going around, commandeering every ship that's passed through this sea in months. Some ruthless pirates with some kind of never-before-seen strategy that's unmatched in efficiency. It's destroyed all of the trade routes. The people for miles around the coast are starving, turning on each other - it's chaos! ‘The scourge of the sea’, they're callin’ ‘em.”

Cleo put a hand to xeir chest in an exaggerated gesture that implied she was flattered. “Aw, bless. And you're here to what, thwart me?”

“Yup. You know me, I do love my thwarting.”

An awkward silence settled like a foul smell, before Pearl gave an extremely irritated sigh, pinching the bridge of star’s nose. “Cleo, what are we going to do?”

“Ah. I was hoping you would have some sort of solution.”

“Me?”

“Yes! You're the smart one, aren't you?” There was a pause. “Right, you didn't hear that,”

“Wait, you think I'm smart? Aw! Cleoo, that's so sweeet-”

“Right, back to the matter at hand, please!” Cleo huffed, flustered. “How many miracles have you performed in the past couple months?”

“Um,” star tried to count on her hands, but ran out of fingers, and gave a sheepish grin. “Probably more than I should've.”

Cleo groaned. “Oh, for Satan's sake. Do you.. d’you want to just leave them to fight it out? Escape on a rowboat or something?”

Pearl bit the inside of his cheek. “That wouldn't be very moral… Oh, but I don't want to fight you… Fine. Fine! But you owe me!”

“Well, we can add that to the list, can't we? Come on.” They gestured with xeir hand, and a small rowboat materialised, gently bobbing up and down. “Milady,”

Pearl tried very hard to give her a severing look as the demon kissed his hand graciously, but couldn't stop a fond smile from twitching its way onto her face. “I hate you sometimes, you know that?”

“Aw. Love you too.”

[crowkip]

yeehaw, baby!

[disc80s]

[smokestarrules]

gotta say I am a huge sucker for how Adventure Time will sometimes just cut to Princess Bubblegum doing something extremely morally dubious like cutting off a tiny person’s limbs with scissors and then sticking those arms and legs onto another tiny person’s limb stumps but then she'll turn around and go like "Good morning, Finn! Are you ready for a sploinking day?" and whatever atrocities she had just been committing will Never be brought up again.

[egophiliac]

buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK

[rainbow-femme]

I think an early and overlooked aspect of why Andrew starts liking Neil is simply that Neil is the first person to casually engage with him on his level

Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin love him but they don’t really get him in every day interactions. It’s a lot of “… Ok, whatever you say, Andrew.”

And we know the upperclassmen tend to just outright dislike anything he says or does and uses it as proof of him being heartless and violent

Renee gets the closest because she does get him and goes along with him but they ultimately have very different views of life

Whereas Neil, before he even likes Andrew at all, just matches his energy.

“If I can’t get an answer from you, I’ll get it wherever I can. How about I start with your parents?”

“Good luck,” Neil said, feeling cold all over. “They’re dead.”

“Did you kill them?”

He [Andrew] said it so casually, like he was asking for the time, that Neil could only stare at him for a minute. It was such an unreasonable leap of logic Neil didn’t understand how he even thought to ask it. Then he remembered who he was talking to and asked, “Did you kill yours?”

—

“Neil said. "I'm not afraid of you."

“That's why you're so interesting," Andrew said. "How aggravating."

He sounded amused, not annoyed, so Neil said, "I'll try to be more boring in the future."

“How considerate.”

—

And for a guy who desperately wants connection and has never fully gotten it, it must have been as close to fun as Andrew has getting to bounce back and forth with Neil. He could threaten to saw Neil in half with a rusty blade and Neil will just be like “Hotdog or hamburger style?”

[joshuamj]

Okay, but what if EoW!Zelda had to impersonate Link

[batfamhastwitter]

Part 34! Alfred let Tim leave the poster up for a day before he makes him take it down

Prev ~ Beginning ~ Next

[collgeruledzebra]

the thing about trying to recommend fiction podcasts to someone who isn't familiar with them is that not only are so so many genres represented but also the level of production can fall anywhere from "basically an audiobook" to "major motion picture minus the pictures"

[akanemnon]

I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[bli-o]

hey autistic people who get overwhelmed by large groups or noise or conversation or etc etc etc you’re not evil for wanting to leave a family gathering. just so you know.

[havenshereagain]

DPxDC Idea

Danny working at Wayne Enterprises as some sort of engineer, uses the in-house app for all his blueprints and stuff

He starts getting notes from a coworker in-app, and assumes its this annoying older guy in his department who constantly undermines him because of his age, despite his education and past achievements (i feel like in this AU the Fentons react well to the reveal and they work together on a number of non-lethal ecto inventions that have Danny's name attached to them)

Except one day his coworker mentions never using the app, and Danny suddenly realizes there's only one other TD he could've been arguing with in the notes of the app

[ditzybat]

tim drake is the type of guy to drop random lore then walk away.

tim: ugh i hate baseball, it’s like, when you have to play it in order to save a whole planet once, every game after seem boring

dick: that’s not…

tim: only downside to that was how we almost totaled barts brand new spaceship

dick: what spaceship??

—

tim: oh, hi mom

shiva: hello timothy, how are you? still keeping up with your training i take it?

bruce: mother? she’s not your —

shiva: let’s spar then timothy, let’s leave it strictly non lasting injuries, i don’t rather feel like dying by your hand again today

tim: of course!! ^-^

bruce: again?

—

tim: man i forgot to take my meds again

duke: your meds for what?

tim: i have no spleen, so i have to take probiotics, it really is manageable but i dont know where those pills went

duke: i’m almost scared to ask, tim, how did you lose your spleen?

tim: weird spider dude, it was a whole thing

—

tim: you talk a lot of shit for someone who got replaced as heir to your immortal grandfathers empire by me

damian: you what!?

tim: i regularly beat his ass at online chess every week too, and i don’t think you’ve seen him since he stole your corpse

—

tim: here

jason: what’s this?

tim: a box of all the photos i took when i obsessively stalked you for your entire tenure as robin

jason: thanks?

tim: you’re welcome, bye!

jason: … creepy ass kid…

—

steph: so how did you to get together?

bernard: well —

tim: i saved him from a getting cut open by chaos monster cult members

bernard: yep, i was rescued from being a vessel for a greek god, and we just really clicked afterwards

steph: well, it’s better than the brick

[spidehpig]

obsessed with the thought of bird not really knowing anything about simon’s military endeavors. has no idea he wears a fucking skull mask everywhere on base and on missions. just kind of assumed he wore standard gear. shows up on base the day he’s supposed to get back to surprise him only to be roughly dragged by her scruff down the hall into an office room by some big BRUTE in a bloodied skull mask covered from head to toe in gear. squawking and squealing as some asshole manhandles her into a private room, ready to start screaming just for said asshole to tear off his mask and coo at her for being so dramatic and frightened. it’s just him, quit your hollering.

simon all riled up from the recent mission, adrenaline still flooding his system just starts pawing at her and shoving a greedy hand down her panties. annoyed for a brief moment when she struggles and grips at the thick wrist between her thighs. doesn’t she know he needs a warm hole to fuck more than anything right now. he’s about to flip her around and gag her so he can play with her pussy just how he wants be she’s blushing and shyly asking him to put the mask back on before he fucks her.

dirty girl ruining her panties over the idea of some big masked brute having his way with her… oh it drives him crazy… he’s pulling the mask back down immediately and slamming her against his office door with his favorite knife to her throat as he bullies a thick finger into her tight cunt :( he’s so mean too. muttering about how she’s a dirty little cockslut just gagging for some stranger’s big cock :(

[egophiliac]

we were fucking ROBBED

[keferon]

Guys. Guys they’re miners. They’re tiny cogless miners. Guys

I blacked out and filled the whole three canvases with sketches of them being itty bitty goobers. Figured Imma show you some haha