#with the vent/play thing it’s also difficult for me because

[hermitagereheadcanons]

I feel like my tagging system is kind of lacking in terms of type of content, but I have a lot of trouble sorting things into subjective categories. Even just a vent or play regression tag feels difficult to decide, because a lot of my posts don’t have a distinct “this character regresses for fun” or “this character regresses to cope” theme.

I want it to be easier for people to both find and avoid specific types of headcanons but I’m not sure how to go about it. If anyone has tips, I’d love to hear them.

[mainfaggot]

how do you cut someone off

[truckstoptigers]

i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.

and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.

[revelboo]

A silly little thing,, but I’m an Optimus Prime girlie & happen to also be an ‘exotic dancer’ lmao, so when I was reading Gravity….you can imagine the actual surprise & joy I felt when the reader revealed she was (or used to be one) too, like 😭😭😭 what are the ODDS?? Must be his aura….I love him, your honor

It’s meant to be!

Gravity Pt 12

Optimus x Reader

• Staring at the screen long after Megatron’s little message ends and his fellow Autobots that had seen it start speculating, all he can think of is that he’s not alone. And it’s a relief. Leaving the warmth of you to report for his duties had been difficult. Especially since you’d woken up first and had straddled him. Even deep in recharge, his body responding to those soft hands touching him. Definitely not the worse way to come to alertness and even though he’d hit the washracks, he swears he can still scent you clinging to him. But then it really sinks in. That the Decepticons are taking humans and using them. Because that’s an atrocity that hadn’t even occurred to him.

• Stretching to touch your toes, you idly run through a few stances to limber up because you’re bored out of your mind. As much fun as playing with Optimus is, as soon as he leaves, you’re alone with your thoughts again. Remembering the look on his face before he’s schooled his expression into neutrality. Like a big, lovesick puppy, hurt that sex is all you want. Blowing out a breath as you spin in a slow circle, head tipping back, you know you’d lied to him. But then, you’d lied to yourself to. Saying you don’t want more, when deep down, you do. You’re just afraid to hope, to let down your defenses knowing you can get hurt again if you do. That love is just a pretty lie used to reach a goal.

• Sliding into his seat, he steeples his servos as he listen to the bits of gossip and conversation around him. How many humans are in the Ark at this point? Honestly, he’s not sure anymore. But he does know one thing, he’s probably not the only one who’s gotten attached to their ward. Who’s crossed that particular line. And it’s out there now for all of them, the fact that their species are at least compatible that way. Dropping his head into his hands, he stares at the floor. Because someone’s going to need to have that conversation with the Autobots keeping humans. On the ethics of taking advantage of a much younger species. And how is he supposed to do that when he’s interfacing with you?

• Head lifting when he finally returns, your smile wavers when he just stares at you. “You look like the other kids were bullying you, babe.” Venting he sits on the edge of the berth and then just slumps backwards, hands over his face. Oh. Well this is new, usually he’s so calm and serious. Climbing up his arm and over onto his chassis, you drop to straddle his neck, arms crossed on his chin. “Want me to beat up someone for you?” When his head tips to look at you, you lift an arm to flex your nonexistent muscle for him.

• Your mischievous expression twists through him as he lifts a servo to slide against your spine. “When we- er- interfaced,” he says, ignoring when you cheerfully interject ‘fucked like bunnies.’ “I didn’t pressure you. Right?” Because he can’t imagine what those poor humans captured by the Decepticons are suffering and can’t help but wonder if you’d let him have you out of intimidation or fear.

• “Oh, you are too sweet for words. If anything I seduced you, big guy.” Laughing as he frowns seriously at you, you push up to stand on his neck and drape yourself against his chin, tapping a finger on his bottom lip. “Don’t worry. I promise you didn’t corrupt my innocence.” More likely, you’re corrupting his.

• “I could have,” he says, joking as some of his worry eases and you grin, brows lifting. Expression giving away how much you doubt that. “I can be a bad influence.” His protest just makes you laugh, that warm sound stroking over him. How can this be wrong when you feel so much like home? When he wants to lay beside you and exchange stories. Ask about each other’s day and spend his free time in your arms, listening to you laugh with him. Wants so much more than your body. “The Decepticons are taking humans.” Unable to say to interface with.

Previous

[t-a-a-1]

More Than Meets The Eye

TFA Optimus! X F!Reader

6k

Summary: Being a rising journalist is difficult. Especially when you have to live a secret criminal life. Things get worst when you start to fall in love with your enemy, Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and hero of Detroit City.

You believe the feelings can't be mutual. Yet, he slowly starts to notice that you are more than meets the eye.

A/N: Lots of yearning. Jealously. Enemies to lovers?? You are a journalist who is also a criminal. Idk. Takes place between Season 1 and 2 of TFA.

Chapter 1: Ride or Die

....

Detroit City could be ugly, nasty, unhygienic, gentrified and many other things.

But never boring.

Especially with robotic aliens patrolling the streets.

    Bots that you didn't trust fully nor liked very much.

Even more, that Optimus Prime that everyone seemed to like so much.

With his red and blue colors, his helm that looks like he is always wearing a cap and straight posture that was too authoritative for your liking.

    While everyone was excited, taking pictures of the Autobots, you were there to ask the real questions. Your job as a reporter was to tell the truth and that's what you plan to do by exposing the leader of the Autobots.

"Mr. Prime, I have a question for you."

    You raised your hand, not really sure if that matters but you wanted to keep being respectful.

"Oh, yes, how can I help you, ma'am?"

    Optimus sees you walk through the crowd of people and paparazzi. Press conferences weren't unknown to him. The citizens, the reporters, the speechless mayor and his assistant that probably did everything for him.

"I've done some research and Detroit's oil supply has plummeted since your arrival to Earth. This has created a tax increase for all of Detroit's citizens. How do you respond to this?"

"Well, we do need to eat to keep helping the city," Optimus bends down to be able to speak on the mic. "But we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused."

"If you were sorry you and your team would have already found all  the fragments of the AllSpark and departed Earth."

"How do you know about–?"

    You didn't let him finish his question as you striked with another statement.

"But no, you and the Autobots are too focused on wasting Earth's resources and playing heroes to even think of recovering your world's most powerful energy source."

"What? No, we–"

    He keeps getting interrupted by you. Although he tries to keep his cool, he wasn't in the best of moods either. Each statement you were making was ticking off his clock.

"Without mentioning that you have been spotted entering nearby natural reservation islands without the proper permissions or documentation."

"Well, yes but I thought it was fine–"

"Why would it be fine?" You look up at him. Even when you weren't very fond of the alien robots, you had to admit that they were a spectacle to look at. But you quickly shook the thought away.  "Just because you are big and dangerous you think you are entitled to cross human law?"

"Look missy, I don't know what's your problem but–"

"My problem is that you are not answering my questions."

    There's a bit of laughter coming from behind Optimus. If he had been smart enough, he could've said something along the lines of 'you aren't asking any questions, you are just saying statements.' Instead, he lashes out on you, giving you the exact reaction you wanted.

"If only you gave me time, I would respond to them!" Seeing his mistake, Optimus stands away from the pod, clearly frustrated at the situation.  "You know what, we don't have the time for this."

    Smiling Autobots was the first thing he saw as soon as he turned to look at them. He ex-vents, not wanting to deal with it.

"Autobots, transform and roll out."

.

.

.

    The abandoned building had become their home. It was big enough to have rooms for everyone. Each catering for every bot's needs. But not even the vastness of the building could sparse the leader's rising annoyance. Walking from side to side of the hangar, looking down and with a servo on his chin, he questioned the previous interaction.

    He doesn't remember seeing you before. Either that or your existence wasn't important enough for his processor to remember.

"How did that lady know about the AllSpark?" Optimus keeps walking as Bumblebee and Sari play video games on the sofa. "We haven't told anyone about the fragments."

    Hearing something being dropped, Optimus quickly turns to look at the little girl who has taken long-term residence at their base.

"Sari?" Optimus questions, getting closer to her. "Is there anything you want to say?"

"Sorry, I thought yall were going to release that information to the public soon," she plays with her thumbs, moving them in a circle in between her hands. "So, I thought, why not sell the information to a reporter? Save you guys the time!"

"Why would you do that?"

    Bumblebee questions her, he didn't know about her actions either.

"Because I need the money! If I don't have money, I can't afford food. If I don't eat, I'll die!" Sari feels threatened, especially when she sees the rest of the bots gathering around her. "And all my credit cards have been frozen ever since my dad disappeared."

    It was as if everyone had a spoken agreement. Her explanation was a very good one. Feeling shy and maybe like a burden to them, she did what any little girl would. As best as she could with the current circumstances. No one was angry at her, just worried for what this could bring to the team.

"What else have you told her?"

    Prowl asks this time, sounding as calm as ever.

"Nothing, I promise!" Sari exclaimed. "Actually, ever since I told her about my situation, she never fails to send me some money in the mail."

"Probably to gain your trust so you could later tell her more information about us," Ratchet always assumed the worst of people. A trait that no one could blame. Being a war-veteran, distrusting others was the best for survival.

"I don't think so, she just sends money. No notes, no letters, nothing."

"Whatever the situation is, we can't have her spreading misinformation about us," Bulkhead is the last to speak his mind.

"She wasn't lying, bulkhead," Optimus remembers your statements. Each of them had truth in them. "She was right. We did everything she said we did."

    As much as he wanted to reprimand the little girl, he couldn't do it. Instead he takes a few seconds to think.

"But we can't have her writing negative articles about us," he says as he takes a moment to look at his very little friend. "Especially if we plan to ask for some monetary compensation for Sari."

    He really didn't want to ask for any kind of payment from the humans. Everything he did, he did in the name of goodness and to further improve Cybertronian-Human diplomatic relationships. But Sari was part of the team and his duty as leader was to take care of everyone. And she was a helpless little girl. He needs to take care of her properly and for that he needs human currency. Not much, just whatever is needed for a human to survive. Food, maybe clothes? Water. Oxygen? Medication ... Education? Did she need that? He is not sure but maybe Sari could make him a list later.

For now, there is a reporter he needs to find.

.

.

.

    You weren't new to doing undercover work. You enjoyed it, pretending to be someone else, getting the information you needed, then going home as if you had lived another life.

    Tonight, it was one of those nights. Where you wore heels, a skirt and a revealing top. Loose hair and lip gloss and a wing to cover your real hair color.

    During the day you were a reporter. Tonight you were a car enthusiast.

"So, would you take me?"

"A beautiful car needs a beautiful woman,"

    You had been talking with a man for fifteen minutes. It's stupid how easy it was to get a man. Just listening to them talk for ten minutes straight without talking usually does the trick.

"And you know, racing is not the only thing I am good at."

    Smiling, not because of his suggestive comment but because you were about to get what you wanted, you were about to make your way inside the car.

    Until bright lights pointing at you ruined the moment.

"What does that freak want?"

    There is a loud sound of engine coming from the large truck. Although the light was bright, you could see a few shades of blue and red.

"This is the police, stand down."

"Shit."

    The man who you were talking to didn't hesitate to turn on his car and speed up. Letting off a train of fumes and leaving you behind.

    Great, now you had to explain that you weren't a hooker but an undercover reporter to the officer.

    Except that this wasn't a cop. It wasn't even a person. But a driverless car. A bot you tragically knew too well.

"So you have come for your revenge after today's press conference?" you ask sarcastically as you begin to walk away. You raised your hand and waved from side to side."Well, you got it. Now leave me alone."

    You can hear the little 'click and clack' of your heels as they impact against the concrete ground. But close by you can still hear the roaring engines. Headlights were still pretty bright and you wondered if he understood human cues. Because this just looks like some guy harassing a woman.

"Not even a 'thank you' for saving you from that guy?" Optimus follows as he drives next to you. "I thought you would be more educated."

"Well, I didn't ask you to save me," you wanted to take bigger steps but you've been walking for so long with your heels that you can't do it anymore. "Is butting into other people's business an Autobot costume?"

"Look I am not going to fall into your tactics," he says. "I just came to say that I think we started off with the wrong pede."

"Oh? Really? Why do you think that?"

"Well, for starters, I think you have the wrong ideas about us," Optimus takes a closer look at you. Wearing a different style than what you wore this morning. "Yes you are right, sometimes we don't do the right thing. But we are new here and we don't know any better."

"So you should be excused for all actions just because of your ignorance?" you feel like you are being observed. Not in a desirable manner but rather a curious one. Optimus didn't have 'eyes' but optics. His vision is probably more enhanced, being a bot and all.  "Is that what you are saying?"

"No, I am saying that maybe you could try and understand us and be more ... lenient whenever you write about us."

"And why would I do that?" you began to feel self conscious. Miniskirts weren't your thing, you liked them but Optimus heavy optics on you wasn't the most comfortable. Maybe it was all your imagination. Besides, you doubted that Optimus could feel attraction towards a human. "Are you going to hurt me if I don't?"

"What? No!"

    You stop walking and suddenly turn to look at him.

"Then I won't change anything."

    He doesn't want to think about it too much but he feels his something inside him short-circuit. Now, he realized he had been staring at you for too long. Particularly interested in your skin. As far as he knows metal and skin don't react the same way to cold. Your material being more sensitive to climate change. He was studying you and all he concluded is that you were cold.

"Why do you care so much about what we do and don't? How does it even affect you?" his engines roar louder.  "We help the humans with crime, cleaning the streets, repairing buildings and other humiliating things without any type of compensation but I don't see you writing about that stuff!"

"Do you know what happens when you and your crew destroy a building?"

"The city repairs it."

"Yes, they do," you walk towards him, aggressively placing your hands on his door. His truck form was too large for you to reach his window. It's not like you were planning to punch him but rather make your point. "But who's money do they use to repair those damages?"

    He stays quiet and you proceed.

"The people's money," using your index finger, you keep poking at him each time you make a statement. "Ever since you and your Autobots got here, things have become way more expensive. Food, gas, bills. There are families who will be homeless because they can't afford to pay rent. All because the city is raising taxes to pay for all the damages you cause."

    His headlights blink every time you keep touching him, with every word that escapes your lips.

"It's already hard enough being a journalist in Detroit and now I have to focus on surviving too. I need to contribute good stories to the newsroom or I won't even have money to buy cigarettes."

    Then, you point off into the distance, the road is clear but dark. Only the city lights illuminated the path but everything had an eerie feel to it .

"And that guy you just scared off? He was my ticket to have a warm meal tonight and you ruined it for me."

    You take your hands off him. His headlights stop blinking.

"So, I am sorry. I am sorry I won't write about how the Autobots are Detroit's heroes and how good they are because they pick up some cans."

    You walk away. Now thinking of whether to spend your last $20 bucks on food or a taxi to take you home.

    At least you can't hear the roaring engine anymore.

As he sees you struggle to keep walking, Optimus notices your shivering. How you tried to cover your backside with your bag and how ever so often your stomach would quietly growl. Although he wasn't an expert on human biology, he knew that meant you were hungry.

    He remembers your words and then Sari's. Although you were struggling to survive, you still somehow managed to help out Sari. A job he is supposed to be doing but failing miserably.

"I– " he drives up to you again. For a second, he doesn't have anything to say. Apologizing won't help you in any way. "Is there any way I can help?"

"Well, unless you can transform into a racing car and take me to do some illegal car racing, I don't think so."

    Behind you, you hear metal shifting. Driving next to you is blue and red ... Corvette? Camaro? Ferrari? You didn't know a single thing about cars but the only thing you knew is that it was a nice looking car. Dynamic, elegant and shiny. Hot and sexy. And a beautiful car needs a beautiful girl.

"Anything else?"

.

.

.

    It was 3 a.m.

A dark and isolated road on the outskirts of Detroit will be witness to your first car racing. You didn't know a single thing about cars and much less racing. But thankfully for you, your racer is a car. He should know better ... right?

    As a reporter you are supposed to blend in with the crow but with Optimus, you knew that was impossible. All eyes were on you as soon as you drove by the starting line. Wondering who had just joined the car racing scene.

"Everyone is here ... Can't we just arrest them?"

"No, I am not the police.  I am just here to report on things. To inform people this is happening."

You look around the vehicle, there was technology that Earth didn't have. There wasn't a single thing you could understand. Getting nervous, you tried to get some fresh air. Clicking a few random buttons, you hear Optimus make a few displeased growls.

"Would you stop that? You know you are touching my body, right?"

    You quickly stop, not knowing how to feel about being inside a mechanic alien.

"Can you lower the windows then? I am starting to feel a little claustrophobic."

    Optimus does as you told him and now you get a clearer view of your sides. To your right there is a white Camaro with black racing stripes. To your left, a red and white car. The fancy type which brand you didn't know nor care.

"Hey beautiful, when I win let's make out in the back of my car!"

    Hearing that comment, you tell Optimus to roll up the windows again. He quickly didn't hesitate to ask questions.

"What is make out?"

    You see another woman stand in front of the car. Holding a red handkerchief. Extremely beautiful and thin, she made walking in heels look easy. The cars start their engines and you start regretting this.

"If we win this, I'll show you."

"What do we get if we win anyway?"

    Looking at the steering wheel, you think about holding it but then again Optimus seems very decided for you not to touch him. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, you shake the thought off your head.

"I get a good story and three thousand dollars."

"Can I have some of that money? For Sari, of course."

"Absolutely but," you look around the car, trying to look for the seatbelt. The race was about to start and you couldn't find it. "Where is the seat-"

    But the race had started, Optimus didn't listen as he sped though the road. You abruptly lay back on the seat. Making mental notes about the situation. The racers, the rules, the cars, the place.

You wished you could enjoy the excitement of the race ... if it only wasn't that your life was held by a threat.

As Optimus makes an abrupt turn, you move from one seat to the other. Almost doing a complete 360.    

"Would you care to drive more carefully?!"

    You rub your head. Feeling like a small bump on the back, you are thankful the windows are tinted dark. No one can see your humiliating falling and bumping into Optimus windows and door.

"Don't you want to win, missy?"

"I can only win if I get to the finishing line ALIVE!"

    As if he wasn't hearing you, he makes another aggressive movement. This time you end up side down, with your head on the feet rest and your legs on the passenger seat.

"THAT'S IT! I AM DRIVING!"

    You straighten up and quickly put your hands on the steering wheel, taking control of the alien mech.

"Hey, missy! Hands off the steering wheel!!"

"I'll do that when you learn how to drive!"

    You fought against his strength, as he moved himself to the opposite side. It wasn't often that you fought against an alien but if your life wasn't in danger you wouldn't do so. Watching all the cars passing by was also alarming, you weren't only going to die but also lose.

"I'll have you know my driving skills have been renowned by the Elite Guard!"

"I don't give a f–"

    He lost control, as you did. The screeching tires against the pavement could be heard as the rubber of them burned. You couldn't react as Optimus crashes against a pine tree. Hitting your head against the steering wheel, you thought you might get a concussion. However, you get enough strength to get out of the car and walk a few meters away from him. It wasn't until all the racing cars had passed you that Optimus transformed back to his robot form.

"I just got a new paint job and a polish!"

    He says as he sees some scratches on his body.

"And you almost killed me!" you put a hand on your head, it hurts as if your whole brain was pulsating. Your sight is dizzy and your body is weak. "I knew it, I knew this wouldn't work out and I still trusted you."

"We wouldn't be here if you had only kept your hands to yourself."

"No, we wouldn't be here if only you had a goddamn seatbelt?!"

    Optimus was also frustrated with the situation. Now he is too far behind to win the race and he needed the money to buy food for Sari. Not only that but after tonight he is going to have to give explanations to the rest of his team. He is probably gonna be made fun of for not having a 'leader-behavior' and they were right. Because why was he here? At first, he just wanted to help you. But it seems you don't want to nor appreciate his effort.

"And why would I? I don't let humans inside me," he points at you, unaware of your delicate state.  "Besides it's not my fault your body is so weak."

"Well, for someone who is supposed to protect life, you certainly do a great," there is clear sarcasm in your voice. You probably shouldn't be fighting against a giant robot but if he were to squish you right now, he would be doing you a favor.

"I don't even know why you are on Earth if you don't even like humans."

"Oh, I like humans, I just don't like you."

"Well, the feeling is mutual."

    You take off your heels and start walking back on the cold pavement. Feeling cold everywhere, you wonder what is going to kill you first. Hypothermia or brain damage.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"We are on the outskirts of the city, you'll get home by the next solar cycle if you walk."

    As much as Optimus dislikes you, he wouldn't let a lady walk alone at night.

"Let me take you home."

"No," now it hurts to breathe. You probably got a few injuries but you tried to hide the pain. The last thing you wanted was to confirm Prime's idea that you were weak. You were, but he didn't have to know. "Just leave me alone."

"Does your pride have no end?" Optimus' words weren't helping either. "Just come inside–"

    He was going to keep talking until he noticed that you had stopped walking. He sees you put a hand on your head and the other on your stomach.

    Suddenly, you lose balance and he quickly reaches a servo out to catch you. He had assumed that most humans should be warm. The coldness of your body was not common. Analyzing you, he sees that you are still breathing but unconscious. You are small on his servo and he feels as though he needs to cover you.

Maybe, you were right ... he should have let you drive.

.

.

.

    There were many questions in Ratchet's processor. But seeing Optimus' worried face restrained his voice box from instigating the Prime.

"I am not an expert in human biology but my analysis says that she is dehydrated and malnourished. She probably hasn't eaten in days."

    Ratchet sees you in the medical berth. In a deep sleep and weakend, he doesn't know when you will wake up.

"Don't you think it would have been better to take her to a human medical center?"

"I thought about it but while I was driving, she woke up momentarily and asked me not to take her there."

    Optimus had assumed that the reason you didn't want to go to a 'hospital' was due that maybe you didn't have a means to pay for it. The thought alone made him spark ache, he didn't understand why humans would charge for a basic right.

"Well then, make yourself useful and bring her some warm human fuel," Ratchet says. "And maybe some human clothes with more fabric or a blanket."

    Optimus nods, but there is hesitancy. He doesn't move and Ratchet catches on this. His optics are on you as if studying you. Most obvious, there is guilt and worry. He takes a closer look at him. Some part of his paint was ripped off and his metal was scratched.

"Did anything of importance happen?"

"I tried to help her with something but things didn't occur as I planned them."

    There was something he was keeping to himself.

"Did anything else happen?"

"It's just ...," he pauses and the longer he looks at you, the more Ratchet wonders. He has known the boy for some time now. He has seen him at his best and at his worst but this is different. It's like he wants to say or do  something but he can't. Either because he is too timid or because he can't find the right words. But Optimus' eloquence was known through all of Cybertron.

"It's nothing."

.

.

.

    The smell of chicken noodle soup wakes up. It is an unknown place but you feel warm. Much more than your cold, small apartment. It was a bright room, and underneath was a red, giant medical bed. A white blanket covers your body and the face of a little girl stares right at you.

"Hi!"

    You slowly stand up, your head still hurting but at least you were alive.

"Hey, kid."

    You take a better look at the place around you. At least it wasn't a hospital and for that you were thankful.

"I am Sari! And you must be (Y/N)? We exchanged Autobot information before?"

    The girl was smiling, excited to see you. By hearing her name, you immediately knew what she was referring to. A few weeks ago, you had received a letter from someone, you assumed that it was a kid due to the wacky handwriting and simple vocabulary. Nonetheless, this kid was selling Autobot information to you, some things valuable, others not so much. After learning the truth behind the kid, you decided to help her as much as you could.

"I am guessing this is the secret base of the Autobots?"

    You ask the obvious. You didn't find any other logical explanation as to why there would be such big beds and medical equipment.

"Yeah ... Please, don't tell anyone," Sari says. "Or Optimus is gonna have to threaten you."

"Well, I would like to see him try," you give the little girl a head pat. "But I promise I won't say a word, just because you ask me to."

    This would have been valuable information if it wasn't due that it didn't matter anymore. You were supposed to have a story by today and the only thing you have is a headache. Another day, another non-existent payment. You are gonna have to get used to eating air at this point.

"You should eat," Sari puts the bowl of soup closer to you. "Optimus made it for you and I helped, of course."

    After hearing his name, you quickly turn to look at the little girl. You could tell she was telling the truth but she also had a mischievous smile.

"Is there something you want to ask me?"   

    You weren't about to make a meal go to waste. Picking up the spoon, you start to dig in. It wasn't bad and you wonder if Optimus actually helped at all because you can't imagine someone who is unable to taste human food, being able to make something this good.

"Well, I was wondering ... Will you be staying with us from now on?"

"No," you simply say, too concentrated in eating to think properly. "Why are you asking that?"

"Well, do you want to?"

"Thanks for the offer but I don't think the Autobots would like me here."

"But I can get so lonely sometimes!" Sari puts puppy eyes on her face and you have to admit that it was slowly working. "I need a friend."

"You can still write to me if you would like."

"That's not enough ..."

    Suddenly, you heard loud and big steps approaching from behind you. You didn't want to think about it. If you don't see it, it's not real. But then you hear mechanics moving and you are sure that if you were to turn around, you'll find a very unpleasant faceplate.

"Sari, do not overwhelm our guests," Optimus says. "She's still recovering."

"Don't mind me, I was just leaving."

    Like an animal, you drink the last of your soup and put it next to you.

"Hey um ... About last night, I ..." He pauses and struggles with his words. "I wanted to apologize–"

"No need."

    You stand up and let the white blanket covering you slip off your body. It gets cold immediately and you are tempted to ask if you can stay with the blanket.

"Wait! If you really need to, you can stay here,"

"And become your charity project? No, thank you."

    His faceplate was still very close to yours. Now you can take a closer look at his optics.  You didn't want to admit it but they were quite beautiful. A type of blue not found on Earth. Maybe not even in the entire universe. It was unique to him and you were a bit jealous of his own individuality.

"I am just trying to help."

"I think you have helped enough," you weren't about to fall for his kindness. It was his own stubbornness that put you in this situation. That and that you haven't taken care of yourself properly but he doesn't have to know that. "If I let you help me again, then I'll for sure die."

"If only you would put your pride away, we could help each other–"

"You want to help me? Why? Because you like me? Or to subside your guilt?"

"Because it's the right thing to do."

"The right thing to do?"  You can't stand his righteousness. Pretending to be this all-good creature when you know that can't be. How good can he be when he is the cause of your misfortunes? Not only yours but to a lot of more people. The worst part of it all is that he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. "Why don't you start by leaving my planet first then?"

    Optimus stares at you and you look back at him. It was a few seconds but to you it lasted minutes.

    He doesn't say anything but slowly moves apart from you and walks away.

You turn to look at Sari who was still sitting close by.

"Sorry you had to see that kid."

"It's alright, but can I tell you something?"

    You didn't want to be here. The sun was probably about to rise and you just wanted to go home. But you couldn't say no to the girl, she seemed too sweet and her situation was still lamentable. You nod, confirming for Sari to continue.

"I've known Optimus for a time now and I can tell you that he is not very well-versed with the ladies," she says.  "He rescued a woman once and she asked for his phone number."

    Tilting you heard, a lot of things crossed your mind. You have so many questions, especially about the kind of woman who would want a machine as something more than a friend.

"And what happened?"

"He gave it to her and she texted him," she raised a small hand, pointing up. "The text said 'Do you think I am pretty?"

"And Optimus texted back saying 'I think you look soft and squeezable. And she never texted back."

    You stopped yourself from laughing. Although a small smile left your lips. You look away for a second and then look back at the young girl.

"Optimus is good at hiding his feelings but you can tell he was sad she never texted him back."

"Why are you telling me this?"

    You finally ask, curious about the story but mostly about Sari's intentions.

"Just so you know that he can be an idiot sometimes but he has a good heart ... Well, spark," Sari's voice becomes more gentle and this caught your attention. This wasn't supposed to be a funny story and now you feel a bit shameful for laughing.

"And I think he just doesn't know how to tell you that."

.

.

.

The sun was starting to come out.

You took off your heels for a little bit until the cold pavement was too much to handle for your skin.

    You weren't expecting for things to go this way. Wanting to start a new life, away from everything. It was all going smoothly until they arrived. Now you find yourself on a bench, cold and hungry. Waiting for the first bus to take you home.

How much longer did you have to endure?

    You cover your face, ashamed of yourself. Of every decision you have made in your life. This is your reality now. About to be kicked out of your apartment, without a stable job and nowhere to go. No one to talk to.

Your cellphone rings.

    Not recognizing the phone number on the screen, you were hesitant to answer but lastly, you picked it up, things can't get worse anyways.

"It was harder to get a hold of you than I thought."

You recognized that voice.

"But I am glad you are doing fine. How's the city life treating you?"

"How did you find me?"

    You ask as you look around you. No one was out yet. Just a few cars passed by and the tweets of birds could be heard.

"That doesn't matter. I called thinking you may be interested in a job."

"I am not. No matter what you say, I won't go back there."

"Are you sure? I can send you over the first half of the payment right now."

You were in desperate need. He knows that and is taking advantage of that. Your instincts  were begging you to say yes. To just do one more job, to get enough food to survive for a little while until you can get back on your feet. But ...

"I appreciate the offer. But I have to decline."

    There is a long pause.

"We'll keep in touch."

.

.

.

"Still thinking about that woman?"

    When Ratchet says things like that, it's difficult not to notice the subtle hits in his voice box.

"Perhaps."

    Ratchet can tell many things from the Prime's actions. He wasn't drinking his fuel and in deep thought. At least he wasn't denying the question.

"I am sure you'll see her again," Ratchet says as he pat's Optimus' shoulder plate. "Next time ask for her number."

"It's not like that."

    His cheeks have a slight blue. Very minimal but Ratchet knows better than that.

It was a lively evening in the Autobot's base. With Bumblebee and Sari playing video games while Prowl and Bulkhead stand next to them. Optimus and Ratchet usually watch from the sidelines, never participating but just treasuring the tranquility of the moment.

"If it's not that then what is it?"

"I just ..."

    Optimus hesitates not because he didn't want to tell Ratchet but because he couldn't understand his own feelings. Was it guilt? Curiosity? It's strange and yet both emotions are something he wishes to not feel. He should be worrying about the things he can fix, people he can help.

He shouldn't think about you.

About yesterday night. About the drive back to the base. You laid on his seat, unconscious. Yet you mustered the strength to say three simple words.

"Don't leave me."

And just like that. His spark ached.

Damn you.

    He doesn't have time for this. For all he cares, he hopes to never see you again.

Because how dare you play with his feelings like that?

"I'm going for a drive."

    There was nothing else to do but ride or die.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N: Here is a new story I am working on. It was really fun to write this. Thank you for all the support you have given me this far! I'll continue to write. For any ideas, comments, concerns, comments you can always message me/or inbox me here. Thank you. Also sorry for any mistakes I made. I don't proof read. Regardless, I hope you enjoy and I'll be answering comments soon!

See you in the next story!

Next:

https://www.tumblr.com/t-a-a-1/772695486936301568/more-than-meets-the-eye?source=share

[nostalgiclittlespace]

Tips for Regressors who struggle with birthdays

So, I recently had a birthday, and I noticed how much I dreaded it as it approached. I’ve always been someone who hates getting older, as it means things change. Especially since becoming a teenager, the idea that I’m leaving behind my childhood and taking on adult responsibilities is really scary. Age regression has helped somewhat, as I know I will always be able to reach out to childhood again, however it’s not perfect.

Anyway, here are a few tips I came up with for any regressors who also struggle with birthdays. Hope these help!

Plan a mini birthday party for yourself, and have it kid’s themed. I did this myself and had a Sonic party in my bedroom. I bought some fruit snacks, candy, juice, and crackers to be ‘refreshments’ earlier that week. I printed coloring pages and word searches, played party games with my stuffies, and watched a movie with them like a sleepover. Getting mystery packs/blind bags of toys or collectibles are cool ways to have presents, since you won’t know exactly what’s inside!

Write a letter to your past self and/or a letter to your older self (which you can read someday). This one was very therapeutic for me. Writing to my self ten years younger allowed me to confront the things like internalized homophobia, childhood trauma, insecurity, etc. And writing to myself ten years in the future allowed me to vent my current fears and ponder what my life will be like by the time I open the letter again. I honestly might make writing to myself a birthday tradition, and eventually I’ll be able to reopen what my younger self had written.

If possible, then treat yourself. That stuffed animal you’ve considered getting? Buy it! You want to make your favorite dessert? Go for it! Go on an adventure to the mall, play at the park, explore a bike trial, etc. I know that being on a budget can make this kind of treat difficult, but finding a small way to feel young and excited can definitely help.

Have an at home spa day. Have a bubble bath, put on lotion, paint your nails, put on music, etc. this one isn’t exactly birthday themed, but it’s a good way to relax and take care of yourself, especially if you’re feeling depressed or anxious.

Most importantly, remember that you don’t outgrow being a kid. It’s really a mindset, something we as regressors take advantage of. Just because you’re bodily another year older doesn’t mean you’re further away from being a kid; because that’s something you can carry with you for the rest of your life. Most grown ups just forget that.

I hope this helps. If you happen to have an upcoming birthday as you read this, then I’m giving you a big virtual hug as a present. (I’m sending love your way, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it 😇). Happy regressing and (maybe) happy birthdays too!

-Marty 🎁

[fluffswashere]

Keigo Takami | Hawks Headcannons

A/N: A list of headcannons I have and thought would be fun to share along with write ^-^ Following with the fact I just love Hawks but ahh that's besides the point hehe 💜 I'm still in the works on improving my writing as I go and using bigger vocabulary, so bare with me <33

Genre: Fluff, Romantic,Mild Angst | Ages 18 and up | SFW Summary: Wing Pro Hero Hawks head cannons, reader x 2nd hero. Fanfiction writing in a style mixed with descriptive and of poetry.

°• Start? •°

No ✏Yes

1. Feelings And Rambles

When it comes to love, it wouldn't be something that'd just slip on by so easily. With such a packed schedule busy as a Pro Hero and working under the strings of the Hero Public Safety Commission, I could see it being difficult for any grasp on free time and really exploring outside the hero field.

However the minute Hawks falls for someone, he falls hard. Not knowing what feelings these are at first but one things certain, he'd wanna hold onto that special person and never let them go. Feelings would be difficult to open up about, although because he's so outgoing and a chatterbox.

He's painfully obvious.

I'm talking Hawks would likely talk your ears off and follow you around like a little lost puppy. Yapping on whatever comes to mind, leading to Hawks getting flustered and almost immediately cover his mouth from nearly confessing his heart out. Trying to brush it off like it's nothing and play everything cool.

"What was that?" You asked, a curious expression drawing across your facial features. Pausing in your steps to look the heroines way. You could have sworn you heard him say something along the lines about so lovingly looking at you from head to toe.

"Ahaha ahh nothing!!" Hawks nervously chuckled, the mans head turning the other direction. Avoiding your gaze burning on his form. Desperately hoping you wouldn't notice the faint flush dusting the man's handsome facial features.

2. Physical Touch

Whether it's a delicate brush to the hand or accidentally touching knees underneath the table. He'd crave every bit. Each time sending an electrical shock and undeniable spark, and judging on Hawks rough background.

Affection and words of affirmation isn't something he ever experienced before, therefore to receive such things would make the man melt on the spot. Getting all bashful and in instinct cover his face with his signature high collar jacket.

If there were a moment you and Hawks are cuddling, he'd bury his face into your neck. His barely apparent stubble tickling your skin. A goofy, but almost shy smile apparent on the usually charming and poised wing hero's lips.

Whispering for you to 'Stop it'. Merely sounding flustered, though also like he doesn't mean the words that rolled through his tongue. The man's delighted flapping wings or body language giving him away entirely.

I feel such things as back hugs and non-stop clinging would come with dating the 2nd wing Hero once he's come to be completely hooked on being close to you. A total cuddle monster, well at least he gives great hugs and a shoulder to lean on.

3. Good Listener And Kind Heart

For someone coming off cocky or rather arrogant, Hawks is one of the best people to vent and rant on. He's sharp enough to take note when your not feeling that one hundred percent and offers to take you on a high rooftop to hangout. Listening and hanging onto every word you have to say.

Hawks wouldn't let you go until he truly knows your okay. That reasoning is cause he holds onto his on form of bottled problems and carries so much as is. So to see you all down, it's the last thing he wants on seeing another suffer in silence rather than voice them aloud.

If tears ever formed and ushered through your saddened eyes, without a thought Hawks would in a snap pull you into the most secure but so incredibly gentle hug like he doesn't wanna hurt you. With his wings draped around you, however only for a mere few seconds since he has to shift his wings in a more comfortable position.

Fin.

♥︎

je t'aime

[strikersexhaver]

ok...hear me out

Striker with a s/o that's like Maddy Perez from Euphoria. like the almost constant fighting, cussing people out, putting people in their place, etc.

thank youuuuuu!

Y’all this request is so good, I came back for it. I love Maddy Perez!

———————————————

cw: violence, some smut, some swears, minors dni under the cut.

More than entertaining, he would love that, although he loves being possessive! He likes his ladies, men, or people with some spice to them.

Even better if bastards deserve it… He likes someone that can BE on his level. Otherwise, there’s no fun. No intrigue.

He enjoys someone hard to get, especially if they know who they are.

At this point, he’s known you to the point where he can tell you’re going to beat someone’s ass.

The pulling your hair back into a ponytail, taking off jewelry or nails, any pointing and snapping. He knows your tone differences too, there’s a difference between-

“Bitch are you better be joking,” to “you fucking bitch-!”

He may not always appear to like it, he enjoys watching drama as an outsider. As long as you can handle it and not bring him into it, he’s happy as can be.

He also enjoys how you can fight for yourself, makes his nerves a lot better and if anything happened to you. He knows you definitely put a bruise or a scratch on the bastard.

Knowing you like jewelry, he likes to gift you things from his hit jobs, jewels, rings, or whatever fancy shit they had.

He hates royalty, but all those western movies taught him to treat his beloved like one.

It also helps, because if he can go off and kill- he can expect you to be able to wrangle down a hell beast for dinner.

Although, problem is, when you two argue- you two are both stubborn and do NOT back down until later on.

Since you get into fights often, he lends you one of his guns in case shit gets too bad to handle.

He likes to learn about what gets you so pissed off, what makes you light up?

Although he likes to stay outta drama, he’s not afraid to shoot down and loot an ex’s body. Call it extra target practice…

Because of your nature, he’s unlikely to go ‘soft’ on you during games (example being the pain games)

Minors DNI

He even enjoys sex with a challenge, play hard to get- make it difficult he would love it.

Although he usually wins, it’s the struggle that gets him turned on even more.

In Euphoria too, tell him he’s your first time regardless and he’s swooning. It makes him hella prideful.

He likes washing off your kiss marks from his body, it makes him wanna go again.

You two often use sex as a vent, not about each other, but if somethings pissing you off. It’s a good stress reliever, gets your mind right off it.

He might use his rope on occasion if you still refuse to give up.

Of course, there’s nights where it’s slow and vanilla, more romantic. He still loves you at the end of the day.

[yanderestarangel]

I know most of your content is nsfw, but I would love to see one of Syzoth comfort, the way you write/narrate these small Stories are amazing and makes feel into it! I like to comfort Syzoth, take care of him, become his little sibling, be that family he lost

HEADKANONS MK1 | BIG BROTHER SYZOTH | SFW

A/N: This is ok dear, I like writing sfw content too, especially with syzoth, he gives me silly and friendly big brother vibes, thanks for the request <3

TW: Some angst, grief mentioned, mk1 canon story spoilers, sfw in general.

Syzoth lost his wife and children because of Shang and after everything he found himself alone, lost in the world. He liked to walk in some parks and see families, fathers and mothers, children playing, it was a sadness but a necessary and nostalgic sadness for him.

You were someone alone too, so it seems that fate brought you two together.

Syzoth saw you from afar, doing the same thing as him, just observing everything and having no one to call home. So he decided to go talk to you for a bit, starting to bring up the topic about the weather, smiling when he saw that you responded to him.

He began to loosen up more as he watched you with affection, he had really felt a family connection, as if he had always been part of your family, a lost older brother. He even joked about it, that he hadn't felt so good in a while, as if you were part of his family, something you took as a compliment.

He asked your name and walked you home because it was already late.

You soon feel sorry for Syzoth because of his life story, alone and without family, he was sweet to you so, you decided to invite him to dinner which made the man's green irises shine and he blushed, it had been a while since he had someone to talk to and have company for a meal.

Syzoth genuinely praised your food, smiling as he captured every nuance of the room, even touching some things curiously - apologizing soon after for being too invasive -

You talked all night, your company made his heart race and his desire to take care of you increased with every second. He would ask if you wanted to see him the next day and offer to help you with anything around the house.

Then, when you least realized it, Syzoth lived with you periodically.

He liked to take you places, accompanying you like a loving older brother would, telling you how proud he was of 'X' achievement, hugging you afterwards.

But he also liked Affection, especially on the nights he remembered the traumatic memories caused by Shang Tsung.

You were there, to hug him and give him a friendly shoulder or rather a brotherly shoulder.

Syzoth would allow himself to cry while lying on your lap, venting how difficult the grief was/is being for him, that you had become his family, and that he considered you a younger brother that he would always take care of and so he did.

Syzoth would sleep with you in each other's arms, afraid of you leaving his side - he snores and drools in his sleep, get used to that too - he hugs you like a teddy bear.

And if you complain he'll joke and flick your forehead, calling you "Little brat" and that he was your big brother.

Please call him "big brother", "brother", "dad" even "father" he likes to know that he has a familiar role in your life.

He also knows all your friends, worrying about calling you if you're taking too long.

"-Are you okay (Y/N)? What a scare, please don't leave me blind, give me news ok?" -Syzoth would speak worriedly while kissing you on the forehead and offering a hot meal - he learned to cook just to keep you well fed -

If you meet someone and have a child, that man will be 10 times more protective of you and your child. He will help you during your pregnancy, carrying you in his arms to appointments and if someone dares to touch you in a negative way, he will pull the guy's collar and say in a thick tone:

"-Don't ever mess with my little brother/sister again, you hear?"

He will always take care of you, regardless of what happens, even if you two fight one day, he will find a way to apologize, after all, Syzoth may not have your blood, but he is your brother.

Bonus: Syzoth taught your son/daughter to speak, with the child's first words being "Uncle Syzoth" which made him practically cry, while you and your partner laughed at his excitement.

Syzoth cried at your wedding more than you did, and made you promise not to forget him as a brother, and you did, your partner invited him to live in your house and he lives happily, always helping you in whatever way he can.

Syzoth gives you handcrafted bracelets, his favorites being made of black, blue and green stones, you both wear one matching each other's initials and he got a tattoo in your honor on his wrist

©YANDERESTARANGEL 2023

[operator-report]

do you have any ideas about the undersiders music tastes. your other posts are so beautiful and true

aaah i'm so glad you liked my silly music posts! after some thought this is what i've landed on for the undersiders: taylor: in my heart taylor's mom did this to her, which is why taylor has a better-than-average teen girl knowledge of blondie, neil young, and the police. i think taylor's taste is a mix of dad rock and alt-pop rock hits. she likes the strokes and arctic monkeys. maybe a little mgmt. after her mom dies she stops listening to music that reminds her of her mom, so much less 70s/80s rock, but i don't think she switches to sadder music or anything like that, i think her taste just skews more contemporary after that. after the bullying started she tried out heavy metal really early on because she figured angry music might help her vent but it wasn't her thing. taylor does not listen to radiohead but she's the undersider who would like it the best i think. karma police is a taylor song send tweet

brian: there's a post out there somewhere that talks about brian listening to imagine dragons and that is SO real to me. he listens to imagine dragons. he listens to "tough" guy music that sounds like it could be in car commercials. he also listens to dudes rock music he hears at the gym. brian and taylor both like to match their music to their workouts and they have an immensely geeky conversation about matching bpm at one point. taylor matches it to her running brian matches it to boxing they are in nerd-jock heaven

lisa: she's a tricky one, because the music industry is one that both values authenticity and yet is extremely manufactured. i think that means that lisa finds music in which rich musicians make music about how hard their life is immensely grating. i think sarah livsey's taste was influenced by her brother, and much like how taylor does not listen to music that reminds her of her mom, lisa does not listen to music that sarah used to like. another smugbug yuri of absence moment if you ask me. anyway all that means that lisa listens to three kinds of music: downtempo instrumental electronic, classical, and We Are Up Partying In The Club Tonight Ooh Girl Oh Yeah. i think she finds, e.g., pitbull and eurotrance endearing. if you ask lisa what her favorite kind of music is she'll say something obnoxious like IDM or some shit just to see what the reaction is

rachel: i looked up "do dogs listen to music" and google says they will listen to classical sometimes, so! there you go. if worm took place a little later i think taylor could have introduced limited doses of lofi hip hop study beats to rachel and she would be ok with that too but also like. why listen to music when she could be outside listening to her dogs

aisha: the undersider with the best taste! we know that early worm aisha is a bona fide scene teen, and i think she consequently likes blink-182, pierce the veil, 3oh!3, cobra starship, and maybe a little bring me the horizon. in later worm aisha's taste gets less pop, like deftones, odd future, etc. she's a supervillain who would actually listen to madvillainy. aisha is also probably the only undersider who actively seeks to cultivate her own music taste! a good chunk of the undersiders have trauma that separate them from their interests and/or feelings, but aisha is an undersider who i think is both self aware and also true to herself, as well as being genuinely interested in art!

alec: speaking of undersiders who have a difficult time developing a defined music taste due to being cut off from a strong sense of self. alec in early worm is too depressed/apathetic to seek out music for himself, he'd rather be playing video games or watching movies. which is a shame because disassociating to music is one of the depressed activities of all time! alas alec's vision of a person with Taste is like. cherie. rip. however, aisha completely turns his life around into a guy who likes...................... soulja boy

there you go! tried to keep this period typical and also didn't include bands we know for sure didn't exist on earth bet (such as mcr). however i am very sad aisha and alec didn't get to listen to 100 gecs together. can you imagine. i can imagine and that's why i have a beautiful aishalec amv set to doritos and fritos in my mind

[alatismeni-theitsa]

https://www.lifo.gr/stiles/optiki-gonia/kaos-einai-i-shesi-mas-me-ti-mythologia

Can they stop with modern labels? Every time they try to say that ancient Greece was a queer paradise where it was far from this.

It was criticised in society unless the man was powerful and rich. Like it was a tiny minority and they create this narrative of ancient Greece have over 50% being queer or something.

It's time for our xenoi friends and followers to learn another Greek term. Xenolatreia. It means "worship of anything foreign (mainly from the western countries)", which is a widespread phenomenon among Greeks for the past 2 centuries. It's the following sentiment: "Anything that comes out of western countries is good and it should be praised because we here in Greece are a bunch of illiterate monkeys who live on trees, and cannot see the Deeper Message our Superior Westerners show."

Lifo has had some decent articles over the years but this one reeks of xenolatreia. Lifo supports that the Greeks hate the series because it has queer people in it. so it goes on a campaign to show that Greek mythology had queer people. Which, sure, I don't disagree, but it misses the point. While some Greeks surely have been offended just by the existence of queerness, Lifo misses the REAL reason why Greeks in large felt their mythology was butchered by KAOS. They even wrote it in the article themselves:

"Zeus is a paranoid authoritarian dictator in mid-life crisis who fears losing his power and murders his aides to vent. Hera is a promiscuous goddess who repeatedly betrays Zeus and has mutilated mute priestesses for protection. Dionysos is a spoiled and immature zoomer who, apart from pranks, indulges in orgies with all genders. Poseidon a sadistic god of the sea, who tortures the crew on his ship for fun. Prometheus is gay and killed his lover so he could overthrow Zeus. Orpheus is a famous pop singer and Eurydice does not love him. Theseus is black and gay. The Erinyes are tough-as-nails mechs that look like they stepped out of 'Sons of Anarchy'. The Fates resemble a three-member jury in a talent show. The Trojans are a terrorist group that acts against the gods. Crete is more reminiscent of California than the Mediterranean."

Queer and diverse identities in general are nothing bad. The way KAOS mixed everything into a salad is the real bad thing, and the showrunners hide behind the queer representation when they are met with any other kind of criticism. It's the same tactic Lifo follows here. Only extremely stupid people would have an issue if Ganymees and Zeus were a couple in the show when it was also a part of our mythology. The problem about KAOS for the larger population is not the queerness.

Lifo continues:

The idea we have of Greek myths is, at best, a jumble of bits and pieces created by the Greek school: Zeus has sexual relations with mortals, Hera is jealous, Dionysus engages in revelry, Persephone for some reason resides in Hades , a bird eats the flesh of Prometheus, Aphrodite is the most beautiful and Athena the wisest of the bunch, Artemis hunts, Apollo plays the lyre: a very general and vague idea, much more chaotic than the mixing of myths which "Kaos" attempts.

What a shitty argument. Did you pay any attention in school, I wonder?? Do you know that we know our myths also outside the Greek school and that the Greek school teaches based on the ancient sources, and we often read the ancient text itself?? Also, no, the situation here is not more absurd than what KAOS does. The mythology is what it is. KAOS takes an already established thing and makes a turd out of playdoh.

Instead, we demand that a series aiming for commercial appeal follow our preferred script line and stay true to what? In our own obsessions, revisions, angulations and Christian puritanisms?

To our freaking culture, dear Lifo. To the myths we wrote and passed down for two and a half millennia, dear Lifo. They are fairly widespread and they are very difficult to get wrong.

[vivievienne]

slightly a vent post 😔

i hate myself like why can't i do things on time instead of spending my time on the phone wishing that someone will text me, checking out new posts or every notification i receive. i haven't read the script yet, also i need to practice a song for tomorrow and i hate it. i need to go to church just for a fucking sig because i won't pass.

i hate it all guys.

i hate not having a REAL friends. all of them tell me that i can trust them but i really can't. it makes me feel sick. like... i know they're here for me... but why aren't they answering when i write? i don't like being ignored.

i have a music school tomorrow. i hate it. i will play a song on piano that i don't understand. i can't play piano well it's so difficult for me. i hate it all... why i can't be talented. fucking why. i don't think i can sing well... i feel more and more comfortable when i do it... yet, i don't wanna stop going to music school... like... why do i feel so passionate about something but when i get to it i am like: "i wanna stop it and never get back"... i feel my voice is cracking... i feel that i don't do my work right... i can't find happiness from singing. i hate it all... why is everyone better.

also why is everyone worrying about my arm (i am like 5 months after surgery because i broke my elbow)... i am okay now... i can take a bag with supplies... please, stop saying i am sick.

i hate it all. i hate it all...

nvm, don't mind me... i'm gonna die tomorrow.

[mysticstarlightduck]

OC Smash or Pass!

Thanks for tagging me @the-golden-comet (here)! Imma give y'all a tough choice with this one (:

Dylan Millihan

Info/facts:

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Age: 23

Occupation: Medical school dropout (had to quit college to take legal guardianship of his sister after their toxic grandmother died of a heart attack and left nothing but debt in their name), now works 3 jobs - security guard at a lake resort, delivery driver and warehouse loader.

Personality Type: ISTP, Introvert, 6w5

Appearance: Tall and handsome, Dylan is very athletic and works out a lot. He has medium to long hazel hair that usually frames his face in soft waves, and has tan white skin. His eyes are dark brown, and he doesn't smile often, being a really serious person, but when he does smile, he really means it. He usually wears long-sleeved button-up shirts, usually not buttoned up fully and usually in dark grey or graphite black, simple jeans and converse sneakers. He is 5'10'', or around 180cm.

Pronouns: He/Him

Pros:

Very loyal and protective, ride-or-die even to a fault - he always makes sure his loved ones are okay before even thinking about himself. While his cold or gruff exterior may lead some to think he doesn't care at all about anyone other than himself, that couldn't be farther from the actual truth. Dylan cares a lot, even if in a "hey, take care of yourself, you damn idiot" way - he usually expresses his care in actions rather than in words, and may have a hard time verbally expressing his true feelings.

Calm, practical, and efficient. Dylan knows how to handle high-pressure situations really well and can navigate dangers with ease without batting an eye. He tends to be rather unflappable when it comes to most trials and tends to face problems head-on rather than avoid them, so he is definitely a go-to person if you are in trouble or need some kind of help.

Responsible and hardworking, will always make sure things are going smoothly and knows how to make the best out of a situation despite his outwardly pessimistic outlook.

Loves music, especially folk-pop, and always has a playlist playing in the background, be it on a speaker, on the radio or on headphones. This means that the environment around him tends to be lively despite the fact that he is really quiet.

Is actually a really good listener and despite his often harsh or distant attitude, actually gives some pretty good advice when he wants to, and knows when to just stay quiet and let someone vent.

Loves cuddles but precious few people are close enough in his emotional circle to warrant that level of trust. You'd probably need to spend a lot of time developing your relationship but it would be 100% worth it.

Gives the best gifts, actually.

Cons:

Dylan tends to be very aloof and guarded, typically keeping others at arm's length because he assumes everyone is already judging him and/or has a hidden agenda. This also makes him someone who is very reserved and feels awkward at social gatherings, making him quite a bit difficult to get close to.

Can be strong-willed to the point of board-headed stubbornness, especially when something causes his emotional wounds to cloud his judgment. When angry has a rather pessimistic outlook, especially about himself and how his life is going.

Has a rather blunt personality and while this has a good side, as he says things as they truthfully are and doesn't mince words in a time of need, this can also make him unintentionally sound more callous or come off sharper than he intended to.

Tends to bottle up his feelings behind a "Yeah, I'm fine," and "I said I would handle it!" facade because he thinks he needs to handle everything himself but that just means he shoves his emotions into a box like a pressure cooker and that isn't a really healthy way to handle problems. Still thinks vulnerability is a threat to his and his loved ones' safety and thinks he needs to act accordingly.

Tagging (gently): @sleepy-night-child, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @smol-feralgremlin, @wyked-ao3, @topazadine @littleladymab,

@winterandwords, @eccaiia, @sarahlizziewrites, @illarian-rambling

@agirlandherquill, @anoelleart, @ray-writes-n-shit

@writernopal, @anyablackwood, @unstablewifiaccess, @forthesanityofstorytellers

@i-can-even-burn-salad, @cakeinthevoid @thecomfywriter

@thepeculiarbird, @clairelsonao3, @memento-morri-writes, @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @amaiguri

@cherrychiplip @thecomfywriter @thelovelymachinery @bookwormclover

@differentnighttale, @leahnardo-da-veggie

[qiutls]

TNGDH 004

Evening came, and at the study of the Grade Duke of Blake, Cashew Nut was having a theme park party. If we tone it down a little, you could call in a hamster feast.

Okay! All right! Is there anyone else who wants to get on the Ferris wheel? We'll bring you up to the top in a blink of an eye. Get on now and get a view of the Northern Grand Duke's office!

This kind of opportunity will not come twice. At the top we can also play disco music... Oh wait a bit, isn't this wheel a lot more like disco pang pang rather than a Ferris wheel? Anyway, hurry and come quickly, to Cashew Nut Land, the land of fantasy.

I shook my head in silence and turned the wheel by hand.

Rattle. Rattle.

The wheel which was too heavy to spin at first began to roll quickly once it was accelerated. It seems you can turn it with just your hands. No, these hands can also be called as feet. My front feet.

[ㄟ(˘ o ˘)ノ] shrug emoji

...If I spin it by hand... Isn't it also called rolling the wheel? basically the term used for the quest was the same as rolling the wheel, the quest means to run as a hamster to make the wheel turn, but Soohyun is trying to roll the wheel with just his hands

No, look at this small and fragile limbs. You unscrupulous system. I'm telling you, if I run with my feet, I'll die.

Hey, excuse me. Mr. System.

Are you listening, you punk?

[ 0003/1000 ]

I really can't complete the mission like this?

[ It's a system without conscience!ꉂꉂ(ᵔᗜᵔ*) ]

Ah...

I began to spin the wheel quickly in order to break it. Yet my heart didn't feel any better even when I heard a rattling sound of something breaking. 

This damn Ferris wheel. No, this hamster wheel. How long would I have to run on this. Can't you just pretend to not know and be a little bit more tolerant.

No, it's Kyle's fault. Who puts a wheel like this without even considering the size of his pet hamster? You can't even find a guinea pig that would enjoy this size of a wheel!

This shitty life! Damn it!

I was busy venting my anger when all of a sudden, the door opened without a knock. Of course, it was Kyle, the owner of the estate.

No, what kind of estate is this? Is it possible to oversee all of it with just a quick turn. It didn't even take him a day...

I got caught... Come to think of it, wasn't I supposed to be taking a nap.

Kyle Jane Minehardt walked toward the hamster house with great force. He walked confidently enough to be called the leader of the North.

What about his outfit? Thick capes to keep out the icy wind, armor made out of both iron and leather and boots that come up to below the knees to help you tread the snow.

A handsome man who seems like he can't be stopped by anything, his whole being is marred by winter.

"Cashew Nut?" He called me in a puzzled voice. 

I would be confused as well, if the first thing I see when I come back is the hamster wheel spinning all alone and the hamster went missing. Of course, I didn't actually vanish, I just went to the back to take a breather.

"I can see your butt."

​No wonder the house seemed a little small. I came out of my hiding place with an awkward expression.

"I want to spend time with you right away, but...​ Unfortunately, there are many documents to check today so it's a little difficult."

― Eek [ No thanks! ]

"That's right, I'm sad too."

― Eeek [ No! I'm not sad. ]

Feeling sad my ass! I hope through this personal time, you are able to reform your inner self. Let's stop kissing and singing silly praises, okay?

Kyle looked as if he wanted to take me to his hand and kiss me. However, it seemed as if what he said about being busy was not a lie. He just looked at me with a longing gaze, and soon sighed and sat down in front of his desk.

That's right, I doubt you were given the title of a Great Duke just because you were good at using your sword.

If it were that way, the throne would've been handed through a duel and not as a hereditary succession. Whether you like it or not, you have to endure the boring paperwork for the betterment of the estate. It's the same whether it's here or it's back in my world, it's hard to make ends meet in both places.

Still, you're pretty cool... So professional

​I sat between the sawdust and watched Kyle.

He was diligently writing something on a roll of parchment paper. I didn't know how his exact handwriting looked like because I couldn't see it from here, but I think it would be very neat.

He went to work in serious manner as if he was completely oblivious to my existence.

Even a guy with just a month left to live works so hard.

​Well, I guess, you never really know when your life's about to end. I shook my knee and stood up. Somehow, I felt like I had to do something.

...Of course, I'm not doing this just because I finished napping and there was nothing else to do.

That's right, if you have to run a thousand rounds anyways, just finish it earlier. What kind of humans are we? Koreans! Hurry up! the last line is a Korean slogan, back then foreigners thought Koreans were always in a hurry and Koreans used that as their slogan

I was determined to carry out a "fast-paced operation."  How am I supposed to complete it fast? As a developer, the answer to completing things quickly is... Do it overnight.

A developer is a creature that's used to working overnight. Let's burn our bodies like we're in Pangyo's lighthouse. Pangyo's lighthouse is a term used in KR, it symbolizes how offices never turn off their lights because of overtime shifts

[ I think that's a good idea! (*´╰╯`๓) ]

Don't laugh. I don't like it.

[ (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ ]

I got on the wheel with a deep sigh. Then using all my physical strength, I ran on the huge Ferris wheel with my four feet.

I've already become a dog after drinking so much, and now for the first time I've become a hamster spinning a wheel... It's a relief that both have four legs. the first line is a KR saying, that if you drink too much, you become unruly like a dog

Clatter.

After a few laps, I finally got a sense on how to efficiently run.

I got the feeling while running around earlier, it was more convenient to just leave your body to the flow and run at moderate speed than to speed up at the beginning and fail to keep up. But the wheel was heavier than I thought, so it was really hard to keep roll it with your feet.

Rattle. Clack. Clatter. Splat... Oh... I fell down. I fell flat on my face. I took a quick glance at Kyle.

You didn't see it right?

Yeah, I don't think he saw it. Kyle was still reading the report with a serious look on his face. I don't know if he's that good at concentrating or if he was just indifferent towards me.

"...I think I'm done."

A few hours passed just like that. Kyle massaged his stiff neck and stretched it side to side. At the same time, I also smelled an unusual scent from my mouth. It was time to rest, I didn't want to die of overwork. search keto diet bad breath if you wanna know more about it

[ 0213/1000 ]

That's right, after resting a bit, that guy will go back to his bedroom, and I'll be alone till morning.

Rattle.

The ceiling of the hamster house was opened. 

Whatever, do as you please. You'll put me down anyways and go to bed after saying some silly comments. Then I'll do my best and run for a thousand laps, turn into a human, set aside my life as a hamster and receive the next quest.

It was the perfect plan, assuming I can ride 800 more laps just like earlier.

"Well, let's take this out."

...Huh, w-wait a minute!

​Hey! Don't take my wheel.

I grabbed the wheel reflexively and hung on it. What kind of wheel is this? Why are you taking it with you?! Why are you taking it all of a sudden, you didn't even care when I fell from it earlier!

I put some more strength on my small paws hanging from the wheel. Even though Kyle changed directions while pulling up the wheel, I snuggly hung on it. However, my rebellion didn't last for long, he carefully grabbed me with his other hand and separated me from the wheel. 

― Squeak! Squeak! [ Hey! You bad guy! ] "I know you liked it, but no more, Cashew Nut. I'm worried that your knee joints would get damaged."

― Squeak! [ Is this your first time seeing a hamster spin a wheel?!  ]

"Yes, yes. You must be sad, but it's all for your health. Don't be too unhappy."

Kyle left the wheel far away and gave me a kiss on the belly. I turned and slapped him with my feet on the face and rushed to the system.

Hey! Honestly, shouldn't this quest be invalid, how am I going to complete it without a wheel!

[ Let's become an active hamster! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ]

I clenched my fist again, feeling my insides boil. If only I could see the system in front of me, I would have hit its head.

What? An active hamster? The kind of hamster that gets caught by the Northern Grand Duke and gets nonstop kisses?

If you want that kind of hamster, then you transmigrate! To be honest, even if I had transmigrated to Serena's body instead of here, my fate would be better than now. Even though she goes through many ups and downs, it isn't as frustrating as being a beast who cannot even speak.

My human rights. Give me back my human rights, this damn world!

"Anyways, you must be hungry. You've rolled the wheel so much, you must be famished."

Now he thinks I'm grumpy because of mere hunger. Once I stepped on the sawdust, I huffed and forced myself as close to the corner as possible.

Kyle picked something up from the drawer on this table and soon he hang the macadamia above me.

"You can eat it."

​He spoke so gently, if people overheard, they would have thought he was speaking to a lover.

I grabbed Kyle's fingers with my small hands and bit it, that's right i bit his finger and not the macadamia.

Then a system window popped up in front of me.

[ More than anything, I'm not a hamster, but a human. I don't do barbaric things like biting. ]

That's what I said to the system.

Yeah, there was a time like that. But Bae Soohyun died yesterday. I am Bae Soohyun who was born anew. Now this Bae Soohyun bites people. Meat is better than macadamia.

And isn't this just what people call karma? If you don't want to be bitten, don't do something that would get you bitten!

"Is your tooth itchy?"

Contrary to the pain I expected, Kyle was very calm. He even lifted me from the butt and began to look at me with worried eyes.

Hey! What are you looking at?

Don't look! Don't look at my butt as well!

Give me back my wheel!

"Behave and play well."

After that he put me back into the house and went back to his bedroom. Clack. The lights in the study went out, and it became silent in an instant.

I sat down on the sawdust and fell back to the ground. 

My wheel...

​Really, what a lucky day...

novel ⠀✿⠀ next

[turtlevariabilis]

Ok, this post is going to be somewhat long because I want to vent about a topic and ask for advice. I've noticed that in this community, there are many neurodivergent people, perhaps because Rise Donnie was confirmed to be on the autism spectrum, and Rise Mikey was confirmed to have ADHD (which wouldn't surprise me at all if it were the same in any version of TMNT).

Well, the thing is that BEFORE discovering Rise Donnie in early 2023, I had already spent a year with a strong suspicion that I might be on the autism spectrum due to something very specific that I discovered about myself (this is something I normally don't share with anyone, but since I'm anonymous here, I don't mind talking about it).

Back then, I discovered that I had ARFID (an eating disorder in which your diet is extremely selective). It’s something I’ve struggled with since I was a baby, from the first food I ever tried. I won’t go into detail about this part, which has always been very difficult in my life, but when I found out that what I was suffering from had a name… it meant that I wasn't the only one in the world 🥺 I'm 26 years old, so I've been suffering from this since 1998, and I found out that it was only given a name in 2013, and I only learned about it in 2022!

There wasn't much information, but I definitely discovered something about this disorder that disturbed me greatly.

Most people with ARFID (though not all) are on the autism spectrum. And something clicked in my mind. Because I've always felt different, I've always had social difficulties. When I was in college, around 2011, before Asperger's was included within the autism spectrum, I had already researched it and concluded, with doubts, that it wasn't my case. I didn’t have a good memory, nor was I very intelligent—I got good grades in school because I worked hard and was interested 🥺 (when I was in elementary school, they suspected I might be dyslexic, another diagnosis that was never pursued because it eventually "got better"). I also ruled it out because they say people on the spectrum are very routine-oriented and organized, and I considered myself the opposite.

But in 2022, I started searching for a lot more information (yes, somewhat obsessively—I even read books on the topic). And in 2023, I discovered rottmnt and Rise Donnie, which intensified my search for answers about myself...

The thing is, recently, I've been reflecting on 2019, the year I hit rock bottom mentally (and irresponsibly, I never went to a psychiatrist). I thought it was depression that I'd been dragging on for years... but what if it was something else? The way I tried to push myself forward was completely opposite to what is recommended for people with depression... and what if it was autistic burnout? Depression and autistic burnout share symptoms but require opposite treatments! (Talking about non-medical treatments, of course).

I made a list some of my autistic traits, things I've been gathering, and I'm sharing them here:

1. ARFID: I'm extremely selective with my food, and I have been for as long as I can remember.

2. People have told me that I "seem like I'm from another planet."

3. I've been told that I don't know how to comfort people (not in a bad way, just as an observation).

4. Before I turned 15, I barely spoke at all outside of the house. But I knew how to communicate in other ways... If I needed to complain about something to a teacher, I would write a note on paper and hand it to them. If I wanted to play with other kids, I could easily join in without saying anything.

5. I discovered this recently: when people talk about their problems, I tend to propose solutions instead of simply understanding what they're feeling.

6. I also discovered this recently: I don't understand what's happening with my emotions until they accumulate and I break down in tears.

7. I’m not comfortable with physical contact. Even as a baby, I wouldn’t go into the arms of strangers. And people, even family and friends, naturally ask me if they can hug me before they do... and of course, if they ask, I'll say yes!

8. The few times I listen to music, it’s rare and always on loop (just one song on repeat, and I have to force myself to stop after a while because I don’t have a natural limit).

9. My obsessions, like TMNT (though I've had others at different times in my life).

10. The simple fact that, at 26 years old, I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I’ve never kissed anyone, despite imagining it many times.

11. The times I’ve gone out to party late at night, I would end up crying when I got home, even if I had a “good” time. Now I understand it’s because I was exhausted.

12. I’ve always described having a switch in my mind that allows me to disconnect from my surroundings if the noises are too much (so they don’t bother me). Even though my mom told me that once, when I was little, she took me to see fireworks, and I apparently had a meltdown and covered my ears because of the noise, this never happened again, and I wouldn't say noise is an issue for me.

13. I NEVER, and I mean NEVER, make eye contact unless the other person isn’t looking directly at me. The thing is, I never realized this could be bothersome to some people. No one ever told me I had to look into people’s eyes, so I just never do it!

14. Crowds are definitely what bothers me the most. I think I could lose my sense of reality if I stayed in one for too long.

15. I need instructions to be given to me step by step, exactly as they need to be done; I also have difficulty understanding some jokes, double meanings, and I take things quite literally. For example, when we studied metaphors in school, I never understood them, and that’s because we never talked about them at home, haha.

And I could go on with many more specific things and anecdotes!

And why, if it seems like I never really did the famous masking, did no one ever suggest that I should seek a diagnosis?

What happened is that the more I researched the topic, not only did I recognize my own autistic traits (though I wouldn’t say I’m autistic without an official diagnosis), but I also realized that my parents and sisters fit well within the neurodivergent spectrum too. This created a mutual understanding between us, and we didn’t see any flaws in each other. I think I grew up in a very safe environment 🫶🏻 and was somewhat sheltered from the outside world.

As I mentioned, I don’t know if I’m on the spectrum or if I have other neurodivergences, but after what could have been depression or autistic burnout, and all the introspection I’ve done in recent years, I’ve realized that yes, I’m different, I’m "odd" in many ways, and I need to accept myself as I am. I’ve even forgiven myself for not eating as I should. While it would be good to work on it a bit, I don't need to feel guilty about it, and as long as I’m healthy, there shouldn’t be a problem.

Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s worth seeking a diagnosis or not. I wouldn’t know what to say, who to go to, or if they would take me seriously after all the self-discovery I’ve already done… I just don’t know. On one hand, I think I’d like to know, not just for myself but also for the people closest to me so they can understand me better… but at the same time, we’re all different, and we all have our quirks and deficiencies… so I’m not sure what to do with everything I’ve learned—whether to leave it as it is or to pursue it further in a professional way.

Tell me about yourselves—if any of you suspect or know that you’re neurodivergent, and what your thoughts are on the matter.

[pumazoey]

𝕚’𝕞 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕤𝕜𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥~

*ೃ༄ name hoard: lex, glory, noel, inez, vera, clay, astrid, jemilla, rika, hilda, popplio, espeon, lavender, socks, selene, cleo, midnight, vanessa, beatrix, rosemary, and any nicknames derived from those

*ೃ༄ pronouns: it/he/she/sun/snow/light/meow/doll (no they/them pls!)

minor + taurus + enfp + 6w5 + adhd + cougar and siamese cat therian + fictkin + agere

𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊 lesbian ✰ genderqueer 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

*ೃ༄ my blocktag is "glory dont look". please tag: anything relating to pregnancy/childbirth (babies themselves are ok), zoey chambers x any character, anything zoey-negative (ie character hate or talking about bad things happening to her), the ship starrypoet, anything with the names flora, florence, or freddie, and any use of 'sunflower' as a pet name (oddly specific, i know)

BYF: i have a difficult time controlling my emotions, severe jealousy, attachment and abandonment issues, and struggle with attention-seeking behaviour. i don’t expect anyone to try to fix these issues for me but if you see me struggling, an ask or dm goes a long way to make me feel cared about, especially because of said abandonment issues! please dni if your name is flora or freddie

*ೃ༄ fandoms: hatchetfield/starkid, rtc, various other plays and musicals, and then there were none, stardew valley, pokémon, animal crossing, warriors

*ೃ༄ my ao3 is .zoeyslament. i run @zoey-chambers, my moodboard account. vents on @lexpeon, or use the tag #vera vents if you wanna block that

*ೃ༄ dni if: zoo/pedo/necro, bigot, terf, believe that anyone with npd/bpd/hpd/aspd is inherently abusive. also if you dislike zoey chambers. sorry shes my fave, we love her here

TAKEN ANON MARKERS: 🌱🦤🦖🦋🐌☢️🎢🪻🦇🪶🍋🏹🦈🛹🕸️

header made by beckybarnes, blinkie by cherrieguroo!

rip bruce (july 5th 2019 - november 8th 2024): your head was empty, but your heart was full

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