#with some fuckin salsa and guac

[lunapwrites]

I want to write. I want a burrito. I want to take a nap.

Instead, I am forced to participate in

Capitalism.

Literally so rude.

[dontmindmyunicorn]

THIS IS THE BEST ONE IVE SEEN ON GOD AND IM GONNA ANSWER EM ALL

chipotle order: burrito with their new chicken al pastor, brown rice, no beans, queso, tomatillo salsa, guac and lettuce, side of chips

GIRL I HAVE SO MANY GRIEVANCES WITH VEGANISM but i’m gonna keep it simple and say it’s fucked up. the core of it being it’s inherently disrespectful to indigenous people. to me, if your beliefs surrounding eating & using animal fur/meat compromise the ethical practices of indigenous groups who understand the land and what it yields FAR better than you ever will, you don’t deserve to keep your kneecaps :) KNEECAPS ARE A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT.

bright red by itself gives me the ick because it reminds me of my mom when she got mad as me as a kid so there’s that

faeries are absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt real in my mind and the proof is there

FRAUNCH FREES

i used to use a watch before college but i’m strongly considering gifting myself an apple watch this year

i love the stingrays!!!!!!!! wahoo!!! fuck yeah!!!!!

gustavus sweatshirt and gym shorties bitch

i don’t have an active skincare routine but i want to start one again. i used to be big on african black soap and rose water/witch hazel but fell off the wagon. i just take off the makeup each day and start over again lol

apple juice!

i have two things i’ve kept: one is a handmade quilt my dad bought from a local quilt maker in the 80s that he gave to me (which i sleep with every night and it’s very cozy) and the other is a stuffed black kitty who was my best friend all through childhood that i took everywhere. i found him tucked away in a box over thanksgiving this past year at my dad’s house and fully burst into tears when i recognized him. he doesn’t have a name because i always kept forgetting what his name was as a kid but he’s very very special to me. i now have him in a storage box in my apartment and he’s literally one of my most prized possessions. he’s a relic of the past! he represents so much innocence and whimsy and wonder! i lived and loved when i had that little kitty as a child! some of my most foundational memories as a person were made when i carried him in my hands! i definitely still cry over him. i love him very much.

bodycare/skincare: i LOVE african black soap and the brand billie

first thing i’m doing in the purge is robbing the bank and stashing the cash so no one can find it and it can’t be traced, then killing off every existing billionaire

generally no i’m not dehydrated because i do be pissin’, but i should in theory be pissing more than i am

all of these are fucking terrible and very visceral. worst to most ideal of the three: burning, freezing, drowning

used to LOVE it when i was a kid and now it just tastes like toothpaste

leg bouncing and lip/finger picking

i don’t have the time for boba but when i do get it it always fucks so i don’t have a typical order

peas and fuckin raw mushrooms

very much a fan of snow white and cinderella. the IMPACT they had on my young gay romantic brain

59 weirds me out

I SURE FUCKIN DO AND ITS MY BERNARD SANDERS HYDROFLASK I GOT IN COLLEGE!!!! i call it that because the main sticker is my bernie 2020 sticker on the front. it’s a fuchsia pink water bottle with various redbubble stickers all over it. some of my favorites include “back off bitch” from It’s Always Sunny, “I’m very gay, I’d like a few dollars” from John Mulaney’s New in Town, I Heart Nice Jewish Boys, and This Machine Kills Fascists

i mostly wear hoop earrings and rings

american english

i have excellent music taste. fuck you

spice tolerance is pretty good actually. could be better but we’re getting there

go-to is a patterned skirt with tights and my new leather boots and a fun turtleneck

sushi will be with me until the very end.

linguini!

if the universe could open its all knowing & all being hands and gift you with the answer to one question you’ve always pondered, what would it be?

weirdly specific and unrelated asks to know someone well:

chipotle order?

thoughts on veganism?

a specific color that gives you the ick?

mythical creature you think/believe is real?

favorite form of potato?

do you use a watch?

what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

do you change into specific clothes for the house when you get home?

do you have a skincare routine (and how many steps is it)?

on a plane, do you ask for apple or orange juice?

anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

brand of haircare/bodycare/skincare that you trust 100%?

first thing you’re doing in the purge?

do you think you’re dehydrated?

rank the methods of death: freezing, burning, drowning

thoughts on mint chocolate chip?

an anxious compulsion you do everyday?

your boba/tea order?

the veggie you dislike the most?

favorite disney princess movie?

a number that weirds you out?

do you have an emotional support water bottle?

do you wear jewelry?

which do you find yourself using, american or british english?

would you say you have good taste in music?

how’s your spice tolerance?

what’s your favorite or go-to outfit?

last meal on earth?

preferred pasta noodle?

ask me anything !

leave an ask for the person you reblog it from!

[pinkcatminht]

1 (Chipotle order), 6 (do you use a watch?), 12 (brand of products you trust) and 22 (emotional support water bottle)?

thank you for the ask :D

i dont order chipotle often, but when i do, i go for a bowl! i get chicken, black beans, and brown rice, and i typically add one of the salsas, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, and guac if im feeling fancy! i also tend to eat it with chips and queso(their queso still isnt great but its MILES better than when it first debuted!). i also like their hardshell tacos, but i tend to order delivery or to-go, so the taco shells get soggy by the time it gets home, so getting the chips and piling it on them is a good in-between option lol.

i do not use a watch! i carry my phone with me and use the watch on there lol.

im actually very picky when it comes to beauty products, especially as someone who works in the beauty industry. it's rare that i love an entire brand and trust them implicitly, bc a lot of the time they'll change formulations without informing their consumers, or other sketchy behavior. for brands that i MOSTLY trust, i like: +Redken, Verb(their shampoos and conditioners only NOT their styling products), Olaplex, and Moroccan Oil lines for hair +CeraVe, Cetaphil, The Ordinary, and Necessaire(probably the most expensive products i use, but their body exfoliant with one of those in-shower scrubby gloves? you will be SMOOTH AS A FUCKIN BABY, and you barely need any product bc it lathers so nicely) for facial and body skincare +for makeup i love Beauty Bakerie but i feel like they're discontinuing a lot of their stuff as of right now :c i also like some Nyx and E.L.F. stuff but you really have to play around with what works for you. Wet n Wild has also come a long way, but again, not all of their products are good. and none of these except Beauty Bakerie(which is Black woman-owned) have good shade ranges, which in this day and age is honestly completely unacceptable. MAC is also good specifically for shade ranges, and if you know your MAC shade + undertone, it's very easy to find what your shade will be in other brands! always try to match to your neck if you can!!!!!!

i have two emotional support water bottles, and theyre both matte black iced-coffee style bottles with reusable straws. i love them so much <3

[chubby-bearded-nerd]

Pizza or tacos?

Man how you going to make me pick between those two? Like look, you have pizza which is the perfect vessel to deliver cheese, veggies, some choice meats, and some sauce. And AND you get to use your hands to eat AND NO ONE IS GOING TO SAY STOP EATING WITH YOUR HANDS. You have options with crust thickness and stuffed crust.

But then you have tacos. Allllll kinds of stuff can be in tacos. Fish tacos, beef taco, carnitas taco, chicken tacos. Fuckin soft taco, hard shell taco. Beans in tacos. Guac and salsa. Little pico, little pickled onion. Lettuce, no lettuce WHO CARES? Make the taco how you want. Dress it however. Little cotija cheese. Little crema. Yes or no? AGAIN WHO CARES? Oh no did my crunchy taco shell break? LOOK TACO SALAD. Such a versatile food. Another USE YOUR HANDS type meal. Also 1 word… birria. 🤤

If I did have to pick it would probably be tacos. Margarita and tacos is one of my favorite food combos. Plus tacos eating contest parties were tons of fun back in the day.

So yeah, tacos.

Thanks! 😊

[dirkxcaliborn]

Weirdly specific asks (etc.)

chipotle order? I have a couple. My favorite is tacos with black beans, veggies, extra corn salsa, lettuce, and guac. Chipotle’s expensive and the tacos probably give you the least amount of food for the price though. If I’m being more economical, I’ll get a bowl with white rice, black beans, carnitas, veggies, corn salsa, and lettuce. That can usually stretch two meals for me lmao

thoughts on veganism? As a dietary choice I have no real thoughts. Why should I try to control what other people eat?? As a philosophy/movement... ehh... I only think it’s bad when people start policing other people’s lifestyles. Especially without regard for finances, health, culture, personal morals... basically ignoring the fact that it’s obnoxious to act like your way of life is so much better than everyone else’s and that they need to live exactly like you do... As for a more personal take, mmm it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I personally prefer a focus on sustainability and humane farming. I think humans should seeks to be a part of the ecosystems they inhabit rather than exploiting them or cutting themselves off from them entirely. Hunting, farming, etc. aren’t inherently bad imo. The issue is greed and the prioritization of profits that leads to animal abuse and overhunting to the point of endangerment/extinction. 

a specific color that gives you the ick? Basic ass answer but it’s gotta be that yellowish green color that looks like puke. 

mythical creature you think/believe is real? Another really boring answer, but none :,) Not to say there’s not a single mystical creature that could exist... but more like I don’t tend to strongly believe (or disbelieve) unproven things. I’m more of a “maybe, maybe not” kinda person lmao. 

favorite form of potato? French fries fuckin slap... but not all french fries. McD fries are my honest fav. Generally though I love when they’re thing and crunchy. Gnocchi also really fuckin slaps. 

do you use a watch? I used to. I uh... kinda lost it though. I don’t really like the feeling of wearing a watch, so I would only wear it when I left the house, usually for work. I kinda had a bad habit of taking it off and leaving it places especially when it was dead and uh... yeah. I’m fairly sure it’s in the house SOMEWHERE but I have no idea where to look. I kinda really miss it though.

what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium? Hmm I actually haven’t been to an aquarium often enough to zero in on a particular animal. I like pretty fish tanks though, I’d say that’s what I’m most eager to see when I visit one. 

do you change into specific clothes for the house when you get home? Nah I’ve even fallen asleep in jeans and a hoodie lmfao I’ll usually change for bed, but idk I generally wear comfortable clothes. I don’t even wear actual jeans anymore... they’re like some kind of stretch cotton or smth

do you have a skincare routine (and how many steps is it)? my skincare routine is that when I touch my face and realize it’s all greasy, I wet my hands, wipe my face, rinse my hands until they no longer feel covered in oil and repeat until my face feels less gross. 

on a plane, do you ask for apple or orange juice? what? neither. I get ginger ale.

anything from your childhood you’ve held on to? Ah jeez a bunch of stuff. I still have the stuffed animal I got at my kindergarten graduation and some awards I won in school. I have a few things from my mom’s childhood like a couple stuffed animals and some books.

brand of haircare/bodycare/skincare that you trust 100%? Not really lol I’ve hopped between products a bunch. If something works well enough, I’ll usually try to stick that exact product but idk. Nothing that’d really make me go “I’d trust anything from x!”

first thing you’re doing in the purge? Hide in my closet probably and doomscroll social media lmfao. There’s no fucking way I’m leaving my house in the middle of a free-for-all. 

do you think you’re dehydrated? I don’t really know how dehydration works as a long-term status but I can definitely say I’m currently thirsty. 

rank the methods of death: freezing, burning, drowning Freezing, Drowning, Burning. The fact that you reach a point where you’re so cold it feels hot is just such an interesting one. Drowning sounds absolutely terrifying and like the kind of thing you would be very aware of right up until you black-out (which would take way too long and feel even longer subjectively). I hear burning to death is one of the worst ways to die, and I don’t think I’ll challenge that idea. It sounds pretty horrific from what little I know.

thoughts on mint chocolate chip? It’s one of those things that sounds like a good idea but in reality becomes too much very quickly. Also I kind of hate ice cream with chunks of stuff in it, so the “chip” part definitely drops it several degrees.

an anxious compulsion you do everyday? Hmm... I’m not sure and I’m already starting to overthink it so I’m just gonna skip lol

your boba/tea order? Standard milk tea with no toppings (aka boba) is probably the easiest since it’s available literally everywhere. If a place has jasmine milk tea though, I found out I fucking love jasmine milk tea. One of the local shops has a milk tea with cheese foam (it’s like a salted cream cheese foam and it slaps) and they top it with crumbled oreo and omfg it slaps. it slaps sosososososo hard. They didnt put oreo on it for a while and I straight up almost fucking cried when I tried ordering again and it DID have the oreo. 

the veggie you dislike the most? HMM... first thing that comes to mind is eggplant. I really wanted to like it but the texture is god awful.

favorite disney princess movie? Moana 100% 

a number that weirds you out? None really. I guess like big numbers that are slightly off? Like 3,500,001 Like it’s juuuuuuuuust off from a solid even number so it’s kinda unsettling. But I’m not that bothered I just don’t super like it.

do you have an emotional support water bottle? Absolutely. I was very particular in buying my water bottle. There were a lot of features I really wasn’t willing to sacrifice bc otherwise I wouldn’t use it lmfao. It had to have loop because I hate carrying it normally. It had to hold a decent amount of water (at least 24oz). It had to have a straw and preferably be lightweight and see-through. I generally keep it right by my bed.

do you wear jewelry? Nope. I had a necklace that was really important to me once but I think that’s the only time I cared enough to regularly wear any kind of jewelry. It was a character necklace though and I drew a lot of mm.. emotional support I guess? lol by having my favorite character with me all the time. That niche is currently filled by a keychain attached to my backpack though. My emotional support Kazuha Kaedehara. If I got my hands on a really good Nazuna charm,,, 100% I would keep that shit on me constantly

which do you find yourself using, american or british english? American. I’m American and it’s what I most frequently encounter and engage with, so it’s the most natural to me. Grey is better than gray though like 100%

would you say you have good taste in music? I like my music and that’s what matters most imo lmao I know a lot of people find it annoying though. It’s most EDM though I’m too garbage at genres to be any more specific about the kind of EDM I like. I really enjoy a lot of repetition though like in the lyrics when they loop lines? I love that lol

how’s your spice tolerance? Physically? Mid I guess. Emotionally? Horrible. I just hate the physical feeling of spicy food. The tingling, the running sinuses... the way those issue persist even after you stop eating? I just really don’t like it. I can eat something spicy, but if I can have zero spice, I’ll always go with zero spice.

what’s your favorite or go-to outfit? The same shit I wear basically every day lmfao. I have a favorite pair of pants (my uniqlo stretch jeans that I went back and bought extra pairs of), a favorite hoodie (my target zip-up that I fucking left on a cruise and had to desperately order online. forget my emotional support keychain I need this exact hoodie), a favorite long-sleeve shirt (that I have 3 of in different but similar colors) and a favorite pair of shoes (all black converse with pastel rainbow laces that I got from Daiso. I did in fact buy back up laces lmfao). Every time I have to deviate too far from this basic outfit I am so upset about it lol

last meal on earth? Hmm... one time my mom made this seafood chimichanga. It was apparently a nightmare to make and it took forever but we both agree that it was amazing. But she lost the recipe and we only ever got to have it that one time. So if I could have aaaaaaany meal with realistic limitations, I think I’d want to have that again. If I had to be more realistic mmm.... for appetizer I want one of those side salads you often get at asian restaurants with the ginger dressing.. maybe a miso soup too. Hmm. If it doesn’t clash then I’d say my favorite entree is chicken parmigiana, so I’d want to have that. A jasmine iced tea with lychee jelly to drink... mmm and idk if I’d want desert. I think that would be a solid round up of my favorites.   

preferred pasta noodle? Tri-color rotini!

[apuppydeer]

Adding onto this, another kitchen appliance I like for easy cooking is my slow cooker! You can create diverse meals with just literally chucking in shit and letting it run just like a little rice cooker.

Mine was only $25! not on sale! I used to think they were crazy expensive until recently. I cook for two using it!

For the first time in my life, I can go through a whole thing of chicken breasts from the grocery store before it goes back. I was like fuck, I ran OUT of chicken breasts and had to buy more.

Recipe for slow cooker chicken nachos under the cut

Chicken Nachos

Chicken, coat with taco seasoning and a jar of salsa, then a can of corn and a can of beans.

Run that sumbitch for 2 1/2 - 3 hours on high. Put that bitch on chips and put pre-shredded cheese on. Heat from chicken melts the cheese. If you're impatient microwave it (I do lol)

Throw w/e else you want on it afterwards, I put some bagged shredded lettuce, canned black olives, and jarred nacho jalapenos on it. Sour cream/guac optional. it's fuckin good regardless B-)

Anyway the real moral of the story is if you are someone who is prone to not having enough spoons to make food, get yourself a little personal rice cooker. Then you can throw in your rice, some veggies*, and literally just crack an egg straight into the rice cooker, you don’t even need to scramble it first if that’s too much right now. Then turn the rice cooker on (my little one is is literally so simple, it’s like a toaster, there’s a lever I push down to start cooking and it pops up when the food is done), and when it’s done cooking you can add just a little salt and maybe some butter or whatever kind of sauce you like, and there you go, a fairly well rounded meal and all you had to do was chuck some stuff in a rice cooker.

I also recommend getting some bouillon (I like the little jars with the paste, since it’s more flexible portion-wise) and some seasoning mixes. Because those can also just be thrown in the rice cooker with everything else and can create very different flavor profiles with minimal effort so that the exact same rice, veggies, and egg dish feels different.

*For the veggies recommend getting bags of frozen veggies either chopped or stuff like peas which are already small. Chopped because then you can just chuck them straight in without further need for prep and frozen because you don’t need to worry about them going bad. Especially for me, where I’m pretty much always just cooking for one, I can open a bag, just take out as much as I need for my current meal, then stick the rest of the bag back into the freezer for later.

[hungerpunch]

yesterday i saw a post on here about how ppl will call recipes good for low spoons days and then start chopping veggies and it made me laugh bc it's so relatable. just last month i posed the above q on twitter after subsisting off popcorn and granola bars for a few weeks. i thought i would share the responses i got on the off chance they could help one of u!

1. scramble an egg or two, throw leftover rice into the pan and mix around for a min, then season with salt and pepper. if you're feeling slightly fancy you can put some soy sauce but i eat it without on the regular and it's my favorite quick meal. if i don't have leftover rice i will use microwave packs.

2.

avocado, rice, spicy mayo and soy sauce (avocados are a veggie right??)

rice, tuna + mayo + canned corn

bread, hummus, tomato (just dip the bread in and eat cherry tomatoes, who said knives were needed)

3. Apples and peanut butter. Ready to eat rice/quinoa bags with roasted veggies and seasonings/sauce jar of your choice. Also microwave egg tacos: pour egg white carton into microwave safe bowl, mix in taco seasoning, nuke, pile into toasted tortillas with whatever add ons you like

4. My diet is very limited but I live on liquid vegetable soup (like the ones that look like almond milk containers) with crackers and hummus, or frozen rice and frozen peas microwaved with butter and nutritional yeast on top. And honestly Amy’s frozen meal with veggies in them.

5. Packet of Uncle Ben’s minute rice (where you just toss the bag in the microwave and get rice), and then rotisserie chicken shredded into it with butter, salt and pepper. Frozen vegetables on the side. Feels like comfort food to me.

6.

Eggs, rice, soy sauce

Tossing frozen broccoli in a box of Mac and cheese

Mutha fuckin frozen pot pies (these take longer to bake but you don’t have to think about prepping them and they have meat AND veg)

7. rice with kimchi/froz veggies and a fried egg

8. Frozen veggies in a package of ramen, with some cream cheese melted in.

9. a banana and scoops of peanut butter in a bowl. eat with spoon

10. i have very often put shredded cheese and canned black beans into a tortilla and microwaved when i can't even bring myself to griddle it on the stove. and eaten with salsa. maybe guac if i happen to have some storebought

[forbiddenrituals]

Chipotle Etiquette

Hello everyone, 

This has been a long time coming. I am a former chipot-hole employee and I thought I would share some basic human decency rules you should take with you whenever you decide to destroy your butthole.

If it’s too long just read the bold/italics please

1. It’s Extra 

Yes, most people who eat Chipotle know the drill whenever they decide to get Guacamole. The dead eyed worker mentions that it’s extra, your correct response should be “Yes that’s fine” or “Sure!” or any other affirmation that yes you want the magic green pulp. Do not say “I know it’s extra,” do NOT interrupt them halfway through the question and don’t throw it at them before they even ask, just fuckin’ don’t you guys. It is MANDATORY that they ask you, they can’t get out of it, I’m sure they hear those words crooned to them by the bastard demon that haunts them in the wee hours of night as they experience sleep paralysis. I know most of the time you’re trying to be helpful but you want to be helpful? Just confirm yes, you want the emerald goop.

2. Use your eyeballs

When you enter the establishment your first instinct should be to check for any out of the ordinary signs. Usually they’re almost always displayed on the menu, the front doors or the sneeze guard. It’s easy to disregard, especially if you have a routine, I’ve done it too and been rightly embarrassed over it. Some southern Californians might remember but for a while we had been out of Carnitas, for WEEKS. At LEAST once a day I got someone who would ask for it and at one point I got so fed up I silently put my finger on the sign we had on the sneeze guard and slid it over. Just… pay attention. 

3. Order Clearly

90% of the time you order Chipotle, you get the same thing almost every time, you go on autopilot when you order. It happens. But one of the biggest grievances we would get is a customer screaming because we put something on their order that “I SPECIFICALLY SAID NOT TO PUT ON THERE!!” You want to know how this happens kids??? It goes like this: 

“Can I get mild salsa, no cheese, corn, sour cream, lettuce.”

Why would you say no cheese Bethany? Why?? We don’t put ANYTHING on the order until you name it, Jimothy. It’s loud in here Carol and you fucking mumbled we couldn’t hear you say the “no” in “no cheese”. I ask you Chadsworth why tHE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY ‘NO SOUR CREAM’!? SHIT JIMANTHA YOU CAUGHT ME I WAS GOING TO POUR A METRIC FUCKTON OF SOUR CREAM ON YOUR BURRITO BOWL WITH EXTRA PINTO JUICE IF YOU DIDN’T SPECIFICALLY ASK ME NOT TO-

You get the point.

Just…fuckin. . say what you DO want on your food, not what you don’t. It makes it easier for everyone. 

4. Prepare for wait times

You see that chucklefuck over there? His name is Brad and he is a cunt. Brad is the captain of the football team and he wants a fat ass burrito but nah bro it isn’t enough he needs to have a Quesarito, melted cheese on the tortilla before you actually build it. But shit dude he also needs EXTRA RICE AND STEAK because protein BRAH gotta be built like a shitbrickhouse to win the championship. But fuck man, theyre out of steak and it takes a hot minute for the cheese to melt. The grill person says its going to take 10-15 minutes for new steak and rice to come out. This is a fairly popular establishment!! Running out of food is fairly common. But Brad is an asshole and proceeds to make a scene that he has to wait for his precious quesarito and the steak and rice with NO cilantro.

Basically, if your order is intricate or you happen to come in while they’re scrambling to replenish just show some patience for the love of god.

5. Baby Chips

Listen, to all my calorie counting neurotic monsters out there, if you order the kids chips and you’re not getting a kids meal because “It has less calories” just… don’t get the damn chips. No calories is better than some calories right?? Just don’t. Do you know how annoying filling those little brown bags are? Do you know how horrible it feels to have a little one with their quesadilla meal not get their bag of chips?? Either go big or go home. 

6. Salsa Terminology

It is mild, medium or hot salsa. That’s literally all there is too it. The amount of people (every single one has been a white person the near year I worked there) who would come in and butcher Salsa Roh-hah or Salsa Ver-dee or pico day gall-oh still takes a piece of my soul to this day. We SPECIFICALLY asked you MILD, MEDIUM or HOT salsa just uSE THE WORDS WE PROVIDE FOR YOU. 

7. Water Cups

Listen up you little shits, if you’re going to use water cups to get free soda at least toss some money in the tip jars you cheap fucks. 

8. Napkins

WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE WHOLE PACKAGE’S WORTH OF NAPKINS TO YOUR TABLES!!??? WHY?! IT IS A WASTE OF NAPKINS AND YOU DON’T EVEN TAKE THEM WITH YOU?! MOTHERFU-

9. Soda machine/utensil area

Listen I understand its embarrassing when you accidentally spill your drink or make a mess. I get it. The very LEAST you can do is alert the staff to the mess made. Now if you’re like me you won’t alert the staff because I’ll be too busy scrambling to clean it myself, but do not just walk away. do NOT walk away from me timmy I fucking SAW you dump your soda. If you don’t want to clean it at LEAST TELL SOMEONE. Don’t leave utensils you accidentally pulled out all over the place and floor either or napkins strewn all over the place you filthy animals.

10. Extra Guac or Meat

You will pay extra! You will NEED TO PAY EXTRA. Do not WHEEDLE with the workers asking for just ‘a little more’ steak or whatever the hell else and then GET MAD WHEN THEY CHARGE YOU EXTRA. Do you know how much one serving of meat is supposed to be? 4 ounces. That’s right Chadley, the little side cups? Those bitty baby side cups? That’s 4 ounces. I guarantee NO chipotle gives you that amount because come on now? Really? You consistently get above the required amount of meat so be thankful you ungracious fuck. Also it puts the worker in an awkward position and some are less firm then others and if you’re trying to exploit that just get. out. 

11. Loopholes

Let me tell you about this customer. He was actually a really nice guy, but his orders always sucked. Do you want to know why? He would order a chicken or steak burrito. He paid for a single burrito but he would ask for:

6 scoops of rice, 6 scoops of beans, regular everything else.

We didn’t charge extra for the rice or beans, he knew that. He KNEW. Watched with satisfaction as we tried to fold, that’s right, FOLD this monstrous burrito for him only to dump it into a bowl because the tortillas kept tearing. Not only was it annoying, but half the time he would clear us out of rice and beans, thus making the people behind him wait even LONGER for food. (eventually my General manager told him we wouldn’t do it for him anymore)

Just don’t. I beg of you. Make your own bucket of rice and beans at home. 

12. Sneeze Guard

DO NOT! STICK YOUR HAND!!! OVER THE SNEEZEGUARD!!!!

WHY KAREN?! WHY?!

WE WORK HERE BRENDATHEN WE KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE MILD SALSA!! WE KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE STEAK. THERE IS A SNEEZE GUARD FOR A REASON!!! STOP TRYING TO FINGERFUCK THE BARBACOA CHERYL I DONT CARE HOW TEMPTING IT LOOKS!!!!

13. Cut them a Break

In conclusion this is just the usual spiel of be respectful, be patient, and don’t throw a hissyfit. If you see someone else being a jerk, say something, or if you hate confrontation throw a few bucks in the tip jar or compliment the staff at least it’s a lot of work and they don’t need you being a dick. 

Thanks for reading and happy eating!!

[camilliar]

fic? post???

@stultiloquentia said I liked fics about the decline of man so here’s some crazy shit I’ve been writing for @tomato-greens where they’re all teenage runaways, maybe I’ll “finish” this “story” one day? pg13, eventual zimbits but not in this part, ~3k, I’d say “enjoy” but

I.

Eric hadn’t begun to fathom just how large Jack was—how tall, how broad—until Jack reared up and bellowed in his face, “This isn’t a game!”

“I wasn’t playing.” Eric tried to straighten up, but he was only five feet.

“Either get with the program or go home!”

And, well, that sure hurt—Jack must have known Eric couldn’t go home, right? Wasn’t that the whole point? What else did Jack think they were doing out here? There wasn’t any home, not really, except this one, here and now.

Also, until Jack yelled, Eric wasn’t sure he knew English. Eric had only ever heard him speak in French before. So that was a revelation.

“What’d you do?” Shitty asked, as they were waiting to steal into the gas station bathroom on Moreland—the Shell, not the Chevron. Less foot traffic at this one. Fewer passersby.

“Nothing,” Eric swore, starting to waggle. He really had to go now. “I gave him a plant, is all.”

“A plant?”

“Yeah, you know, a little plant. A Christmas cactus.”

“A what?”

“Christmas cactus,” said Eric. “They’re pretty when they bloom. My mama used to have one—used to, she probably still does, oh boy, I can’t wait to get into the bathroom—what do you think is taking him so long in there?”

“I bet we don’t want to know,” said Shitty.

“Well, you’re probably right, I suppose—I was thinking I could water the cactus here, or Jack would—you know, if he took it from me—”

“She.”

“—if he took it from me, we could walk over here with it and just get it a little water, nice clean water like from the tap—don’t make that face at me, mister! I’ve been holding it all night.”

“You coulda got me up, you know.”

“Nah,” said Eric. “Nah, and destroy your beauty rest?”

“Nothing pretty about me,” said Shitty, and he grinned to show off his pointy canines. It made him look feral. Eric agreed he didn’t look pretty, though he was sure better-kempt than the rest of them. To that point, when the door flung open and Eric rushed inside, Shitty filed in after and, kindly, took a moment to lock the door. He had his dopp kid until his arm; it was his most prized thing. It looked about a thousand years old, like something from a fairy tale. Shitty put it on the edge of the sink and began removing little cannister, old film containers and pill bottles. Being brazen, sometimes Shitty would sneak into the bathroom of a nice restaurant and fill them with lotion, or soap. Sometimes he’d do it in a Target, just pumping shaving gel into an old film cannister. Why not steal the whole bottle? Eric had asked him once. It was something about that not being right, some code. He had a razor blade and he was shaving with it, carefully skirting his mustache. He was impeccably well-groomed for a bum, Eric thought.

One day maybe I’ll be able to grow a beard and then I’ll be impeccably well-groomed, Eric thought. He was only 14; maybe he’d be tall one day.

Or maybe he’d never find out. Was this temporary? He’d only been in Atlanta for two weeks. Had it only been two weeks? Don’t think about it, he reminded himself. Do your business. Don’t look.

He was still doing his business, his semi-hard cock in hand, when Shitty stuck an old Mortin bottle under his nose. Eric had never gone to high school, but he knew that smell; some of his daddy’s team used to smoke after practice, when they thought Coach had taken Eric home for supper.

“No thank you,” he said, shocked, clumsily stuffing his prick back into his pants, still wet at the tip. He would fret about that all day.

II.

Eric was confident that if he has access to his kitchen, he could make Jack feel better. The one time he’d seen Jack smile—really smile—was when Shitty’d brought him a Happy Meal with chicken nuggets and an apple pie for dessert.

“You know,” Eric had said, trying to be all casual-like, “McDonald’s pies aren’t very good.”

Jack had looked up; having shoved most of the thing into his mouth, his cheeks were bulging.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is,” Eric had continued, “I can make an apple pie that’s a lot better.”

Having a mouth full of food hadn’t stopped Jack from trying to say, “Well, what good does that do us? Where do you think you’re gonna bake one?” Of course, with all that pie in his mouth, not to mention the weird accent, Eric hadn’t managed to make out what Jack had said exactly. But, that was the gist of it, Eric was certain.

“You don’t have to try to make her like you,” Shitty explained. They were walking down Moreland; Larissa had reported that, on the way into town with her mother, she had noticed that someone had left a big box of stuff on the curb up on Briarcliff. Eric had never been to the other side of Ponce, and he was nervous-excited. “Just rich people over there,” Shitty had explained, “real bougie fucks.” Eric didn’t know what bougies were, but they were going to check it out.

“You think there’s any kitchen stuff in that box?” Eric asked. Waiting to cross Freedom Parkway took an eternity.

“Oh, yeah.” Shitty rubbed his hands together, like he’d realized this was a great idea. “That’d be good, if it’s vintage we could try to sell it at Highland Antiques, get some cash. Or is that one of those antiques malls where you have to rent a booth?” He began to stroke his chin. “I wonder.”

The light changed, and Eric scurried across in Shitty’s wake. “Nah, I mean like, we could hold onto it, use it to cook something.”

“Like over a fire,” Shitty agreed, “real old-timey hobo-like shit. Make some beans.”

“I was just thinking since Jack liked that that awful pie from McDonald’s, maybe he’d like my award-winning apple pie, which is much better.”

Again, at North, they had to stop and wait for traffic.

“You can cook a pie over a fire?”

Eric had begun to notice that Shitty was more difficult to deal with right after he’d smoked some pot, which was just about always.

“You cook a pie in the oven.”

“I doubt there’s gonna be an oven at the end of someone’s driveway,” Shitty said. “When rich people get a new oven, the Best Buy or whatever hauls the old one away.”

“Well,” Eric said, consoling himself. “Maybe there’s a pie plate. I shoulda brought mine. That was pretty darn stupid of me, huh?”

Shitty put a hand to Eric’s back, as if to usher him across North Avenue. “Listen, kiddo. It’s nice of you to want to do something sweet for Jack and all, but you gotta let her live with her choices. Junkies get a little junk-sick sometimes, you know?” As they got to the other side of the street, he paused. After a moment, he added, “Let’s go to the Borders sometime and steal you a copy of Naked Lunch.”

“Naked what?” Eric asked. He was only able to half-focus on Shitty’s explanation, too busy hoping beyond hope he’d find something pretty in that box on Moreland to bring home—such as it was home—for Jack.

When they got there, to Eric’s disappointment, the box had already been picked up by the garbagemen.

“Fuckin’ DeKalb County,” Shitty mused. “Fuckin’ yuppie assholes.”

Eric had no clue what he was talking about, none whatsoever.

III.

Borders didn’t have a copy of Naked Lunch, or anything else by the author. “Fuckin’ capitalism,” Shitty complained. “This whole place is full of garbage, not books. Who needs any of this?” He picked up something on a display of mostly stationery, a plastic deer figurine in pink glitter. Eric thought, well, the store is full of mostly books? He did like that sparkly deer. He wished Shitty would steal it for him, but Shitty had a twisted code about stealing things Eric might actually like. “Come on, we’d better go to Whole Foods, see if there’s free tortilla chip samples.”

But at the door of the Whole Foods, a staff member stacking handbaskets looked at them funny and said, “Excuse me.”

Shitty paid him little heed, just said, “Hey, bro,” entered anyway.

Eric had never been in a Whole Foods before. It was dark, not bright like a Publix. And not for lack of light—there were overhead lights. It was just yellow, washed-out, dingy. It didn’t feel clean like a Publix; it felt less clean than Kroger.

“Oh, good,” Shitty said, dragging Eric by the arm. “Guacamole.”

It wasn’t guacamole, though, it was pineapple salsa.

“Bullshit,” sad Shitty, “total bullshit. But, here, eat this anyway.” He had somehow managed to pile it only about four chips at once. “Beat off the scurvy.”

“You think there’s anything here Jack would like?”

Through a mouth of tortilla chips, Shitty said, “There’s nothing anywhere Jack would like, because Jack only likes two things: narcotics, and feeling sorry for herself.”

Eric wasn’t sure he liked what these chips tasted like; they shimmered under the yellow lights with a glean of oil, like they’d come out of a deep-fryer. Sometimes at UGA games Eric’s father would take him to his buddies’ various tailgates, and some of those guys had deep fryers, and, well, Eric knew what flour tortillas in corn oil tasted like. He preferred Tostitos, with their dry, clean starch—but he realized, now that he was eating, that he’d been hungry all morning, truly hungry. He’d been hungry for so long that he forgot he was hungry until he had some food.

“See, the thing with Jack is,” Shitty started to explain, but the same employee who’d been stacking baskets approached them.

“How’re you boys doing?” he asked.

Shitty had tortilla chip crumbs in his mustache. “Thanks for asking, bro, we’re fine. When does the guac come out?”

Eric wasn’t sure he liked where this was going.

Shitty’s question wasn’t answered.

IV.

It was easy to lose track of time, Eric figured, when day after day was the same and you had nowhere to go and nothing to do. It felt wrong when he thought of it: he had things to do, didn’t he? Wasn’t he supposed to be looking for a place to stay? But Eric was no closer to affording an apartment than he had been upon arrival in Atlanta, and some kind of gravity, or lack of inertia, kept him spinning in circles. The highlight of his week became Larissa’s trip into the city on Saturday mornings; she would take a walk in the park with Shitty while her mother did errands. Sometimes, out of pity, Mrs. Larissa’s Mother gave Eric a few dollars.

“Don’t blow it all in one place,” Shitty chided. He was about to head off with Larissa toward Inman Park. What would they do there, and where would they go when the weather got too cold to spend it outside? Eric thought for a few minutes about other places Shitty and Larissa could walk to, but then Eric realized Shitty’s walks in the park were the least of his worries.

When Jack woke up that afternoon he wasn’t in such a bad mood, so Eric felt like it was safe to ask him: “What do we do when it gets cold out?”

Jack blinked his eyes open, slowly at first and then all at once, like the question caught him off-guard. “I don’t know what you’ll do,” he said, “but I’m staying here.”

“In Atlanta?”

“Right here.”

The thought was so disturbing that Eric wandered down the street until he remembered he had three dollars in his pocket. He was a block down from the Zesto, and found himself walking toward it until he was pressed up against the window, looking in, reading the menu over the counter. A sundae was a bit over three dollars. Feeling determined, Eric began to inspect the sidewalk and then the parking lot, hoping to find anything: a nickel, a dime, a quarter. Anything would help.

A pair of ladies holding hands were walking down McLendon toward the corner, on the other side of the street. Feeling bold, and determined, he jogged toward them.

“Hi, ma’am,” he said. “Ma’ams.” Suddenly, Eric was grateful for how long it took the light to change before a person could get to the other side of Moreland. “How’s your day?”

One of them was wearing aviator sunglasses and a poofy skirt that sat high up on her waist. She was big-chested and had on a patterned V-neck T-shirt. She let go of the other woman’s hand and said, “Okay.”

“I was just wondering—” now Eric felt solidly deranged “—if you would be so kind, do you have a couple cents on you? A sundae at the Zesto is three-twenty-nine, and my friend Larissa only gave me three bucks, so I was hoping—”

He didn’t have to finish his sentence before he got a dollar along with the question, “Aren’t you too young to be panhandling?” But, mercifully, they didn’t wait for Eric to answer.

On one hand, if Eric sauntered back leisurely, the sundae would begin to melt; on the other, if he ran, truly hustled, he might spill it. He tried to split the difference, and spent the walk daydreaming of all the things he’d buy for Jack one day, if he would only afford it: a beautiful old razor like his grandfather had owned; a Kindle, so Jack could read all the books he wanted without having to fret about going to the store; new yellow sneakers, fresh as they were vivid as they were hideous.

“What’s that?” Jack asked warily, when he saw Eric approach with something in hand.

“Just a sundae, from Zesto.” Eric paused. “I thought we could split it?”

“I don’t want to share a spoon.”

“I got two spoons.” Eric squatted, careful not to rest his weight on Jack’s blankets. “You like hot fudge, right?”

Jack only grunted.

“These nice ladies gave me a dollar,” Eric explained, removing the lid from the sundae. “You know, I had to really screw up my courage to ask them, but it wasn’t too hard once I put my mind to it. They seemed real friendly, but they asked what I was doing panhandling, said I was too young to be doing that. I don’t think I’m too young, do you? I think I’m just about the right age for things, I mean, we all gotta learn to put ourselves out there at some point, I guess.” He sighed, digging his spoon into the melting soft serve. “I’m still worried about what to do when it gets real cold out.”

Jack, who had already been eating the ice cream, had white on his lips. He licked them, slowly. “I used to worry about it too,” he said, before helping himself to another spoonful.

“What made you stop?”

Jack swallowed his ice cream. “Heroin.”

Eric had nothing to say to that, so he kept eating, perhaps a little too quickly, given how thoroughly he wanted to savor things. Then again, the sundae was melting, so.

Suddenly, Eric was deeply, depressingly aware of how rare this moment was: Jack was being honest, and he didn’t seem sick, and he didn’t seem angry. Eric was midway through helping himself to another bite of ice cream when he got a bizarre urge not to feed himself but to offer his spoon to Jack instead.

And Jack accepted, which was weirder.

It made something in Eric start to burn, start to fill his chest with—god, some emotion, some strong tug from his throat to the pit of his stomach.

Eric cleared his throat, to get Jack’s attention. “Listen, Jack, can I ask you something?”

Jack looked up. “I guess,” he said. “For the ice cream.”

“Why—” It was hard for Eric to get it out. “Why does Shitty call you ‘she’?”

Their nice moment was over.

“He shouldn’t,” Jack said, drawing his arm up, to shield his face. “Does he? He shouldn’t.”

“Well, I was just wondering—”

“Stop wondering.”

“But—”

Now Eric felt awful stupid.

“Never call me that. She doesn’t exist. You’ll never get to meet her, so don’t ask.” Jack put his face in his hands.

“But who’s ‘she’?”

“She’s nobody, so shutup.”

Eric was good at that—shutting up. He merely put a hand at Jack’s back, felt him trembling. “You want some more ice cream?”

Jack looked up, pushed himself to his feet. The plastic spoon from Zesto clattered to the pavement. “I gotta—” He found something, dug it out of his blankets. “I need the bathroom, don’t follow me.”

It had been months now, so Eric knew Jack needed the bathroom the way his mother needed her alone time: to do something she really ought not to have been doing, that was, behind closed doors. Eric had seen Jack crush pills in his fist and rub them into his gums, that night he’d probably thought Eric was sleeping and couldn’t see it.

In the plastic bowl their sundae was a puddle of white streaked with brown. Eric might have gotten a C+ in eighth-grade English, but he knew symbolism when he saw it.

[abiteofnat]

AVOCADON’T EVEN TELL ME ABOUT WHERE THERE IS GOOD GUAC… 

Because last month in six days I ate Mexican food for dinner six times. That’s right, every single dinner somehow started with a big ole basket of tortilla chips and ended with greasy fingers and 3-6 tacos in my stomach.  I think at one point I just began to expect that my night would end in rice and corn tortillas, and then it just kept happening…

Is this anywhere near a complaint? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Mexican is in my top three favorite categories of food, the other two being Italian and Mediterranean (but bagels always, always coming in first above all), and so I tend to be a harsh critic. There’s also different types of Mexican food: the traditional, authentic type that’s hard to find but life changing when you do, the 3 a.m. places that are the real reason we even go out in the first place so we can end up in front of a chimichanga of shame after a somewhat irritating house party, and then the nearly authentic kind that has a dash of flair added. I LOVE ‘EM ALL. Most of these will be a mix of the first and last kind, as everyone who knows me knows the only 3 a.m. place I frequent is Allende Restaurant even though everyone else is a Taco Burrito Palace bitch. That Allende rice and white tile walls; nothing will comfort you and your premature hangover quite like it. When your friend is crying over that fuckboy and your friend’s friend drank about six beers too many? Take them to Allende! Can’t cry when you’re choking on horchata! 

I haven’t done a good taco roundup in a while and for a city that loovvesss margaritas as much as Chicago does it’s about time. How can I even write this after being up to my ears in salsa verde without wanting to throw up? IT WAS ALL JUST THAT GOOD. I’m living vicariously through my own memories from the past week and I am legitimately excited to write about these tacos.  

HERE WE GO. 

1. Adobo Grill 

On any given menu, there’s about 10% of things I have no interest in eating. Add on the 80% I can’t actually eat due to being vegetarian, and that leaves 10% of a menu that is up for grabs. The fact that the happy hour taco offered the night we went to Adobo Grill was one of the most astounding tacos I’ve ever had literally blows my mind- what! are! the! odds! For $2 a piece you could assume that it’s going to be chicken, beef, or some odd mixture because at Adobo the taco platters come in sets of three tacos with rice and beans for $15-19 so why would they give the good stuff for cheap… AND INSTEAD IT WAS A LUCIOUS FISH TACO, GRILLED TO GOLDEN PERFECTION. Topped with pico de gallo and spicy mayo sauce? Add in some of their fresh to death guac and a little spicy red salsa? It was almost tooooo good. The single corn tortilla held up beautifully against the moist, meaty fish and they did not skimp on anything even though it was 5:30 p.m. and happy hour drinks were flowing and the restaurant could have really taken advantage of that. These tacos have not left my mind, or my heart… 

Another thing so wonderful about this place: the patio! It’s open and covered in tasteful twinkle lights, with the giant mural (pictured) of a happy skeleton man a and some flowers that play off the orange and purple hues of the decor. To sit outside right across from Second City (great date night all in one city block!) and sip a Modelo pretty much means fucking euphoria, and then add in guac that actually tastes like guac and not avocado slime? KABOOM. As much as I want to say all guac is good guac Adobo puts a lot of places to shame (cough cough Chipotle how the frick is that shit celebrated so widely) and gives you a TON of incredible guac for $9. Chip score: 8/10. Guac score: 10/10. Vibes: 10/10. 

Insider scoop: Go for happy hour until 6 p.m., splurge for guac, add the salsa to everything, and order a side of plantains with sour cream. Never had plantains before? This is the perfect place to just trust the food blogger and go for it because you will DIE OVER THEM. 

2. Big Star

BIG STAR IS MY KING, QUEEN, AND THE ENTIRE KINGDOM. If you live in Chicago, and it is above freeze-my-nuts-off temperature, it is patio weather and any restaurant that puts 2 chairs and a table out front will be considered a patio destination. Like Adobo (but even better) Big Star goes above and beyond as it’s a mainly-patio restaurant, with bulb lights lights above every stainless steel table and the warmest, most inviting outdoor seating there is once the sun goes down. You can watch the people, see some street art, watch the Blue Line zoom by, and walk to Stan’s Donuts for a wide array of treats afterward (aka a blueberry cheese danish, YUMBO). 

Located in Wicker Park, a very artsy n’ cute section of Chicago that’s a bit more on the ~trendy~ side since lots of blogged about restaurants have opened up, Big Star offers tacos a la carte and the best chips and guacamole on that side of the highway. I have gone for the past two years close to my birthday to celebrate because the pitchers are insanely alcoholic and also delicious, serving about 6 glasses in each pitcher. With one marg being $9 and a pitcher being $36, it is an absolute steal and even if only two people are at the table it is worth the high price tag. Best part is that the pitcher comes with a wooden ladle which adds to the vibe of Big Star, but is also hilarious to stir your vat of tequila and juice with. Like witch’s potion, but probably even more dangerous! 

Once everyone is seated and with drink, it’s time for the poor waiter to scream over everyone to take the order. While Big Star is mostly outside, it’s verryyyyy loud due to the sheer amount of people and the music pumping from the inside section that leaves the doors/ windows wide open. We were seated near the window and with a group of ten, it was one of those nights that leaves your voice hoarse and your ears ringing but feeling like you had a good as heck time! My favorite vegetarian tacos are the:

- Taco de Zananhorias: try ordering that when you do not speak Spanish and are two margs deep! This taco is the best yet overlooked one on the menu, featuring spiced cooked carrots that are savory and still have a crunch to them, pumpkin seeds for flavor and texture, and an incredible spicy date & yogurt dressing that offers a chipotle kick to offset the sweetness of the carrots and the dates. Wrapped in a corn tortilla, this taco is actually a filling veggie taco that doesn’t just taste like red peppers topped in guac! Which is like 99% of most vegetarian tacos! The flavors in this are worth more than $2.50 a pop, which is what it will cost you. 

- Taco de Pescado: Your typical and delicious fried tilapia taco! Beer battered and with the expected crunch of cabbage, top with some line for a perfect fish taco. This is a good standby if you’re weary of the more creative ones. 

- THE WALKING TACO: Most of the table ordered this one! It’s a DAMN fever dream to eat! Let me preface by saying honey BBQ twist Fritos are my most coveted, most guilty snack that I find myself eating far too often and usually when I’m having a flip off the universe and treat yourself moment. So take the trusted, panty-dropping crunch of the Frito and then add buffalo sauce, beans, cheese, crema, and cilantro? STILL IN THE SNACK SIZE FRITO BAG? AND YOU EAT IT ALL WITH A FORK? FUCKIN NUTS GUYS. I know for a fact this stretches the authentic “Mexican food” title, but man that was a great business decision to include it. Once a year, as a birthday treat, the Walking Taco is my bitch. 

Shoutout to Big Star, the ideal location for any event that needs tequila. 

3. Garcia’s Restaurant 

Garcia’s feels like home due to the amount of times a meal there has included the same group of close friends, emotional conversations about sorority stuff, and late night escapes from boys that don’t understand when they’re ridiculous, we will go get mole and strawberry daiquiris instead of dealing with them. While I have no photos to share, I do have memories and the assurance that this place is truly authentic. From the large wooden chairs to the flags on the wall, atmosphere lacks but the food is absolutely incredible. I always order the Cheese Enchiladas with mole poblano on top, and it is the real mole that makes you warm from the inside out. It’s thick with notes of cocoa, spices, and not too sweet- almost bittersweet in fact, and with the pull of cheese inside chewy tortillas all rolled up underneath it is a rare find indeed. 

The chips & salsa take the cake in my book; they’re perfectly crispy and not greasy, and the salsa will make your eyes water but then before you know it your face is soaking wet because you ate ALL OF THE SALSA ANYWAY. Hurts so good, you know? 

And as mentioned the strawberry daiquiri is DOPE DOPE DOPE. Huge for the price, sweet and sugary with all the spicy food, and perfect for late night gossip. Or pregaming, either one. 

4. Taco Diablo 

An Evanston favorite! The OG Taco Diablo opened a few years ago and was an instant hit in the North Shore as it was a dark, intimate den of Mexican food, a place for casual drinks, and coated in sugar skull paintings and weird demonic creatures dancing around the bar area. Given the logo has little devils in it, it’s fitting that here they take a sultry, somewhat naughty approach to decor and food. We went once or twice a week and craved their guac that has a very specific lime & garlic undertone to it in the best way guac ever could, and the baskets of thin chips with rock salt sprinkled on the sides. 

No one was prepared for the morning we woke up and Beloved Taco Diablo had burned down, along with it’s neighboring restaurant Pine Yard. Needless to say, everyone was SHOOK and really genuinely upset that this tragedy struck such loved, run-by-good-people places. So then even more was no one prepared when the ashes were burried and from them rose A NEW TACO DIABO RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET! The owners of this cantina and the conjoining (long time closed) Asian-influence restaurant Lulu’s bought a double lot across the street and just went gung-ho on giving Evanston two of their favorite places back, which was like Christmas 100x over. The tacos from Taco Diablo AND the sesame peanut noodles from Lulu’s??? Next door??? HECKIN’ YES. I have literally downed a -very strong- marg with friends at Taco Diablo and then placed an order for the noodles to go to enjoy later in bed, and if that’s not employing DEMAND AND SUPPLY IDK WHAT IS. 

Go here for dinner with friends, a second date or a weekly drink date, and to sample every fucking thing on the menu. Especially the chilaquiles!!! 

5. Depot Nuevo

This one is hardest to type because we adore it, cherish it, crave it, owe many years of our lives to it way too much and in fact I will be here this week a couple times already. Depot graced our lives many moons ago in Wilmette and quickly became the neighborhood hub, as it’s downtown and in a real, separate house with a wraparound porch and the same smiling faces greeting you every single time. The menu offers your typical Mexican favorites such as tacos, fajitas, burritos + bowls, and of course guac and salsa, but with a slightly more upscale twist in a casual yet good-enough-for-a-life-event setting. The shrimp taco filled with crispy grilled shrimp, spicy crema, and actual slices of avocado are in my list of favorite foods in the entire world, but order the cheese quesadilla with a side of avocado and rice and holy frickle frackle you will never see quesadillas as a children’s food again. The cheese is juicy, chewy, stretchy, buttery, everything you could imagine and more. House-made corn tortillas and red salsa are impossible to describe, and the pomegranate margarita is the sweet n’ sour necessity to the meal that will linger in your mind for days afterward until you go back. 

Don’t brush it off because it’s in the quiet and sleepy suburbs. It is constantly busy, turnt, and I promise people in my friend group will be there heckling the staff and demanding elite service because we keep them in business. I THANK AND APPRECIATE YOUR WORK, DEPOT! 

That’s all I’ve got for you today friends, I hope this helps shape some weekend plans and gives you some new happy hour spots! What are your favorite Mexican restaurants?? Always looking for new places! 

-Natalie 

[pliablehead]

this is 100000% self-indulgent and somewhat esoteric and is primarily for the entertainment of @mmermaiding my very good friend and fellow Ex-Employee of chipotle but the voltron friends in a chipotle context would definitely be as follows

shiro: a very solid SM who works whatever shifts other people won’t, he usually stays in back of house doing Manager Things but if the line gets totally fuckin slammed during peak hours he suddenly appears in a cloud of shimmering gold and line-pushes like a mother trucker he’s expoing he’s rollin burritos he’s perfectly portioning guacamole onto all six of your fucking tacos. he’s also pretty good on grill, he overcooks his steak though

keith: the incredibly put-upon opening KM who mostly works prep. his cut sizes are just barely small enough to be acceptable. how did he get promoted to km if he doesn’t even have good cut sizes. Whatever he’s the only person who will come in that early and whip the morning shift people into shape when they are all falling asleep into their salsas. ps heaven forbid you don’t do Your Own Fucking Dishes bc if keith has to do them for you he might literally kill you 

pidge: A Line God. really good at tortilla - makes the best fucking chips out of anyone in the store - but their true gift is salsa end. no one knows what feats of engineering magic pidge works to roll such giant burritos so flawlessly with such tiny hands. people notice pidge seems to close/open a lot??? sleep????

hunk: mastered grill and prep in about 3 seconds and will flexibly work either. really good on the line too but his skills are needed elsewhere. the only person who works in the whole store who can make barbacoa actually look palatable. sure, he’ll make you a quesarito, no problem, we got plenty of time (meanwhile the rest of the line is glaring at him like OUR THROUGHPUT IS TERRIBLE STOP BEING SO NICE)

coran: gm with a weird affinity for the chipotle honey vinaigrette. can’t fry chips for shit but is otherwise pretty good at everything

lance: shitstain pm cashier. like hunk he holds the line up (heaven forbid they get on together ever), flirting shamelessly with literally every regular customer, but suddenly those customers find themselves spending more money for bottled drinks and extra sides of guac and another salad to take home to their roommate and lance just grins his shitstain grin like “upselling? whatever could you possibly mean?” also despite all his shenanigans and fucking around he always closes super-fast somehow like hunk will still be scraping his grill and lance will already have counted down his drawer and cleaned all the bathrooms and be mopping the dining room and ready to take some trash out to the dumpster. leaves antagonizing notes in the hotel pans full of bell peppers for keith to find when he comes in in the morning. puts too much medium green salsa on everything

allura: a regular customer who usually comes in between the lunch rush and the dinner rush. once the gang saw her put away an entire double-meat double-guac steak burrito by herself and then also come back for 2 more tacos and a large bag of chips with hot salsa on the side and now they are all literally in love with her because like she didn’t even get rice on the floor