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lostfracturess · 20 days ago

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symptoms and causes | ch. 16

pairing — professor gojo x med student reader

summary — he's arrogant, self-centered, and he's your professor. renowned for his brilliance in neurosurgery and infamous for his allure. too bad you have to work with him on this research team. now you're stuck with dr. satoru gojo, delving into the complexities of both the brain and the heart — and of how far you'd go for a love that could destroy not only him but you as well.

word count — 11.5 k

warnings — 18+ ONLY. contains explicit sexual content, substance and alcohol abuse, dark themes, unhealthy relationships, codependency, trauma, medical content and mentions of death, illness, abuse, and blood. full trigger warnings available on the masterlist. reader discretion is advised.

previously — unable to watch satoru turn to his abusive family for help with naoya's massive lawsuit, you're heading to his party against satoru's wishes, hoping to find something, anything, that might help his situation. but what happens when satoru decides to crash the party? and what will you find in that locked room?

author's note — hello lovelies, welcome back !! this chapter picks up right where we left off, but through satoru's eyes this time. also important note: this chapter contains a brief mention of SA concerning a background event not related to any of our main characters. as always, please mind all trigger warnings. and now enjoy the chaos <3

series masterlist + playlist + ao3 + wattpad

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I saw her the moment I stepped into that goddamn party, and everything inside me went still.

Like that moment right before you drown, when the water first fills your lungs and the world goes quiet. Terrifying and so still.

She stood there under those cheap neon lights, looking scared and yet so beautiful—beautiful in that terrible way that makes you want to destroy something, that makes you want to tear it apart just to prove it's real.

Every fiber of my being screamed to go to her, to grab her and get her the hell out of here. Away from this place, away from him, away from all of it.

But I couldn't move. Couldn't let the mask slip, not here, not with all these eyes on me. So I plastered on that easy smile and played the part of the mildly annoyed professor who just happened to crash a student party.

As if my skin wasn't crawling with the need to use again, veins begging for something—anything—to take the edge off. As if the mere sight of her didn't make me feel like someone had reached into my chest and ripped my fucking heart out, her next breath away from something I might regret.

She looked up at me with those pretty eyes of hers, and I saw the guilt there, swimming just beneath the surface. And for one horrible moment I thought, Good. Let it pull her under like it's pulling me. Let it fill her lungs the way fear is filling mine.

I almost hated her then — for lying to me again and again, for doing stupid things behind my back again and again, for making me feel this goddamn helpless again and again and again and fucking again.

But what lay beneath was worse. Because I knew why she was here. Always trying to save me, even if it meant throwing herself into the deep end, drowning right alongside me. And that's the worst kind of torture, isn't it?

Watching the person you love cut themselves open on all your broken pieces, bleeding themselves dry, yet still reaching for more. And that thought made me want to scream.

"We'll talk about this later," I said, forcing that easy smile back onto my face though everything inside me was screaming to get her out of this goddamn house before she got herself into more trouble. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need a drink."

I pushed past her, shoulder grazing hers, and I had to clench my fists to keep from turning back. Had to bite my tongue until I tasted blood to keep from saying something I couldn't take back. She had no idea what she did to me. Or maybe she did, and that was even worse.

Love and hate tangled together in my chest until I couldn't breathe. Because that's what she does to me — makes me feel everything at once, until I can't tell what's real anymore. Until I can't tell if I want to love her or ruin her. Until I can't remember which one would hurt more. Who I was before her. If I was anyone at all.

And it hit me then, as I left her standing there, all defiance and reckless stupidity and so unbearably precious it physically hurt—this must be what they mean when they say love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Because I loved her so much it felt like hatred. Hated her so deeply it could only be love.

Always on the razor's edge. One wrong step, and we'd both bleed out. Maybe we already were.

When was the last time I even went to a party like this anyway? Years ago, probably. Back when I could still pretend I had my shit together. Before I understood what it meant to love someone so consuming that self-destruction became a form of worship.

I needed a drink. Maybe ten. Maybe something stronger.

Bass thundered through the floorboards as I shouldered my way deeper into the house, some shitty pop track slamming in my skull. Or maybe that was just the rage still burning in my bloodstream.

Sweaty bodies pressed in on all sides, but I barely noticed, lost in the chaos raging in my head. Lost in the desperate need scratching at my throat to turn back, to find her, to make sure she hadn't slipped away like every other good thing in my life.

I ordered vodka. First sip burned, but not enough. Never enough to wash away the fear, to forget that she was here, in this house, with him. The same bastard who'd tried to—My grip tightened on the glass. Yeah. Definitely needed something stronger. Here's hoping these kids still remember how to party.

"Professor Gojo! No way!"

A group of my students appeared beside me at the bar, their faces flushed with alcohol. Aoi, of course—that kid was everywhere. And Miwa, looking starstruck as always. Just my fucking luck.

"Is this what you all do instead of studying for my exams?" I asked, letting that easy smile slide into place.

"Come on, Prof, we've been killing ourselves over your damned hard exams," Miwa chimed in, all bright eyes and alcohol courage. "We deserve a break."

I let myself slip into the familiar role. The cool professor. The guy everyone wants to hang with. It was easier than I expected, letting their drunken energy wash over me, cracking jokes, making them laugh. Almost enough to wash out the withdrawal that made it nearly impossible to think straight. Almost enough to forget why I was really here. Almost.

Aoi was rambling about something, but I wasn't listening. Instead, I turned slightly, catching her gaze across the room. She looked at me like she wanted to kill me. Funny, how we wanted the same thing sometimes.

My woman. My stubborn, reckless, absolutely infuriating woman. Even now, with me watching her from across the room, I could see that defiance bright in her eyes. Even now, even here, in defiance of everything I'd asked of her, she stood her ground.

It was admirable, really. And sometimes, that very defiance made me want to break her. Perhaps only to prove I could. To prove she wasn't in control. Perhaps because I was terrified that I wasn't. That I never was.

It's terrifying how thin that line is.

"See? Fucking legend!" Aoi raised his beer, at something I said, I think. I can't remember. Something clever, probably. Something that fits the role. "To the coolest professor on campus!"

I raised my glass, I think. I can't remember. And that's when I caught sight of them by the front entrance. Suguru walked up to her, still standing where I'd left her, and cradled her face in his hands, tilting it up to meet his gaze. My god, could he be any more obvious about it?

I knew that look in his eyes. Had seen it countless times before, during all those long hours in the lab when he thought I wasn't paying attention. The way he'd lean in close to check her work, his hand lingering on her shoulder a moment too long. The way his eyes would follow her every move.

My best friend, in love with the love of my life. What a sick fucking joke.

He was examining her face now, probably making sure she was alright, being the good, caring friend he always was. His thumb brushed across her cheek, and something violent stirred in my gut. Because she didn't pull away. Of course she didn't. She never did, not with him.

They looked good together, standing there in the dim light. The brilliant researcher and his gifted student. No addiction between them. No sharp edges that sliced you open if you got too close. And I hated that.

I watched as she placed her hand over his, the gesture unbearably tender. Watched as he smiled down at her, that gentle smile he reserved only for her.

And just for a moment — one single, agonizing moment — I let myself picture a world where I hadn't reached her first. Where she'd chosen him instead. The better man. The one who'd never drag her down into his own personal hell.

The thoughts spiraled darker, louder, until I could barely breathe through the noise. Glass creaked under my grip. I needed a fucking pill. Needed something, anything, to make this stop. To make everything just fucking stop.

"Professor?" Miwa’s voice. "You okay?"

More students crowded the bar, blocking my view of them. One of them—what was his name? Third-year, not a complete idiot—shoved another beer into my hand. I chugged it in one long pull, their chatter fading to background noise.

"Well." That voice. That fucking voice. "Look who decided to crash my party after all."

I turned, meeting Naoya's scarred face with a smile that was all teeth and no warmth. "Zenin. Quite the gathering you've got here."

"Indeed." He signaled the bartender. "I gotta say though, I'm surprised to see you here, Professor. Don't tell me you're playing chaperone tonight?"

His words stripped away any pretense. He knew. Of course he fucking knew why I was really here. Not that I'd been particularly subtle about it.

"Just felt like reliving my youth," I said, taking the drink he offered. Anything to keep my hands busy, to keep myself from finishing what I'd started with his face.

Zenin's smirk widened, the scars pulling his flesh into something even uglier. "Ah yes, the good old days. Back when teachers knew their place and didn't go around screwing their students."

The fake smile slid off my face, the glass creaking in my grip as I pictured how easily his windpipe would crumple under my hands. How satisfying it would be to watch that smirk disappear for good.

"Careful, Zenin. Your face is already fucked up enough as is. Would be a damn shame if something happened to what's left of it."

He laughed, the sound grating on my last nerve like nails on a chalkboard. "Always so protective. But tell me, Professor, does she know the real reason you're here? Does she know about the—"

"Enough," I bit out.

"Oh, did I hit a nerve?" His eyes flicked across the room, landing on her. The way he looked at her made my vision bleed red around the edges. "She really is something else, isn't she? Too bad I didn't get a chance to get her alone that night—"

My hand lashed out before I could think, fisting in his collar. The fabric bunched in my grip as I hauled him close enough to see my own fury reflected in his eyes. "You fucking—"

Then Suguru was there, his hand slamming down on the bar between us. Silent, steady—a wall between me and a one-way ticket to unemployment. He didn't say a word, just fixed me with that look. The one I'd explicitly asked for earlier. Stop me before I do something I'll regret.

Fuck, I was really starting to regret that request right about now.

Then I felt her—her touch impossibly gentle as she laid her hand on my bicep, the heat of her skin seeping through my shirt. She leaned in close, "Satoru, can we talk for a minute?"

Her soft plea sliced through the haze, and suddenly I became acutely aware of the deafening silence that had fallen over the room, of the countless eyes boring into us.

I uncurled my fingers from Naoya's collar one by one, even though everything in me screamed to finish what I'd started. To paint the walls with whatever was left of his face. But I couldn't. We both knew. So I stepped back and followed her.

─── ·✧· ───

She led me through the crowd, her fingers still wrapped so gently around my arm. We pushed our way past the prying eyes, down a hallway, until she found what looked like an empty office. Probably belonged to Naoya's father, judging by the dark wood and that rich people smell.

For a moment, we just stood there, neither of us willing to shatter the fragile silence. Moonlight sliced through the blinds, turning everything silver and strange, like we were underwater. Maybe we were. I wasn't sure anymore. Her hand slipped from my arm, and suddenly I felt cold.

I collapsed into the chair behind the desk, the leather groaning under my weight. She stood silhouetted at the window, arms wrapped tight around herself, and I had to look away. Had to focus on something else, because I knew one glance at those eyes and I'd break.

My fingers found the pill on their own. Out of habit, really. Without thinking, I snatched up the silver letter opener next to me and crushed the pill beneath it, watching the powder scatter across the polished wood like fresh snow. I bent down and let the burn fill my nose, sear through my brain, numbing everything in an instant.

When I looked up, she was staring. Always fucking staring, with eyes that flayed me to the bone. And she did it so effortlessly. Saw through everyone around her with that unnerving precision. Or maybe she saw through everything so clearly because she looked for the very things she wanted to hide from others.

"That's new," she said. Not an accusation. I was glad it wasn't.

"It's faster."

I averted my gaze and sank deeper into the chair, letting my head fall back against the headrest as warmth flooded my veins and the ceiling blurred and shifted above me. And then everything went soft around the edges, like looking through frosted glass.

A long exhale escaped my lips. Finally—fucking finally—the constant noise in my head, all that shit I can't shut up—the love, the hate, the fucking terror of it all—it faded to a whisper. The world got a little quieter, a little less sharp. A little more bearable.

For one perfect moment, I could actually breathe. Could almost convince myself I was in control. That this wasn't killing me. That I could walk away if I had to. That I wasn't fucking terrified of losing her. Of becoming him. Of everything.

I groaned, fingers raking through my hair, pulling, needing the pain. My hands were shaking again. Or maybe they never stopped. I couldn't tell anymore.

"You're angry," she said.

"No shit. What gave it away?" I scrubbed my hands over my face. "You showing up here after I specifically fucking told you not to? Or me nearly rearranging Zenin's face again?"

"Satoru—"

"Don't." I squeezed my eyes shut, fingers yanking at my hair again, trembling worse now. From the drugs, the rage, the fear, who the fuck knew. It all bled together these days. "You have no idea what he'd do. If something happened—" I stopped. Couldn’t continue.

"I'm not alone," she said, like that made a difference. "Maki, Yuta, Toge—they're all with me. We're being careful."

"Careful?" I sat upright, forcing myself to meet her gaze. "There's nothing fucking careful about this! It's reckless! You shouldn't even be—"

"I'm doing this for you—"

"Don't." I cut her off. "Don't make this about me."

"But it is!" She stepped closer, eyes blazing. "What, you expect me to just stand by and watch? While you fall apart?"

"This isn't your problem to fix—"

"Like hell it isn't!" Another step. Her eyes seared into mine. "I can't fucking take it anymore. You're in this mess because of me. Because you protected me that night. So don't you dare tell me this isn't my problem to fix."

I stared at her, something in my chest fracturing. "You think that's why I'm doing this? Because I feel obligated?"

"I think you're trying to protect me, like you always do."

"Then don't make me protect you all the goddamn time!" I shoved up from the chair and braced my hands on the desk. "I beat him within an inch of his life that night. I would've killed him if—" My throat closed around the words. "And I'd do it again. In a fucking heartbeat. That's what scares the shit out of me. What I become when it comes to you."

She went still.

"And if he hurt you again," the words scraped out of me, "I—I don't know what I'd do. So please. Just please don't make me find out."

I said the words I'd been turning over in my head for what felt like eternity. Don't make me find out, don't put yourself in danger, don't break my fucking heart. Which really meant break me all you want, just don't leave. I wouldn't survive it.

Her gaze dropped briefly to my hands, and she said, "You done?"

Her question threw me. Done? God, this infuriating woman. But then I followed her line of sight and saw my hands clenched into white-knuckled fists around the desk’s edge. I slowly released them, my knuckles cracking in the sudden stillness.

I slumped back into the chair, exhausted, defeated, throwing an arm over my eyes. "God, I fucking hate you." The way she stood there, unflinching, unafraid—it made me insane. "I hate that you make me feel like this—so fucking terrified all the time."

"You don't hate me," she said.

"Sometimes I'm not so sure anymore," I answered.

How does it never get easier, I wondered. Loving her. Needing her. It just cuts deeper, spreads further, until I'm drowning in the ache. Until I can't breathe without feeling it in my lungs. And yeah, I hate her for that sometimes.

I couldn't look at her. I knew she'd be there, unyielding, waiting, enduring everything I threw at her, as she always did. Never breaking. Maybe that's what I hated most.

"You're so fucking stupid," I breathed, but it came out wrong. Too soft. Too much like 'I love you'. Too much like 'Please don't leave.'

"I think that's mutual." She crossed the room then and leaned against the desk, arms folded over her chest. "I'm sorry I lied to you."

I lowered my arm and looked at her. "No, you're not."

"I am sorry for worrying you," she tried again, and I almost believed her, wishing desperately that she'd never have to worry about anything the way I worry about her. "Go ahead, say it. Tell me how stupid I was to come here. I know you're dying to."

"Why would you think that?"

She kept her eyes fixed on the floor. "Because it's true. I make the wrong choice every fucking time."

I watched her, this brilliant, stubborn woman that I love so much, beating herself up over choices that weren't really choices at all—just impossible situations with no right answers. Like there was ever a right answer. And sometimes she reminded me so much of myself. As if I hadn't spent years doing the same thing, and probably still do.

But seeing her do it—it was like staring into a mirror and seeing not just my reflection, but the reflection of everything I hated about myself.

"I think that's mutual," I echoed her words back to her.

With a heavy sigh, I pushed up from the chair, gripping the edge of the desk for a second. Then I reached for her, hands landing on her hips, tugging her close, needing her close. My lips ghosted over hers. Hesitant. Unsure. When she didn't pull away, I kissed her. My hand came up to cradle her face, thumb skimming her cheekbone as I deepened the kiss.

"Alright, what's the plan?" I murmured against her mouth.

She told me about the locked room upstairs and her plan to get it. So calm. She told it so calm. Like it was that simple. Like this wasn't the most insane thing I'd ever heard. But I knew she'd go through with it no matter what I said.

"You seriously think I'm gonna let you anywhere near him with alcohol involved?"

"No," she said. "I think you're going to help me."

"Times like this, I'm really feeling that age difference between us," I said, but we both heard the resignation in my voice. The moment I'd already lost this fight.

"So you'll help?" she asked, ignoring my comment.

Before she could celebrate her victory, I yanked her closer, fingers twisting in her hair. With a sharp tug, I forced her head back until she had no choice but to meet my gaze, her throat bared. Our eyes locked, and I saw the instant her breath hitched.

"On one condition."

"What's that?"

"When we get home, you're gonna make it up to me for all the stress you've caused. Got it?"

"Is that really how you want to play this?"

"Oh, love, I think we're way past propriety at this point."

A shiver ran through her — one that made me almost smile. I could feel her pulse racing beneath my fingertips, could feel the way she melted into me despite herself. It almost made this whole mess worth it.

"Now then." I pulled back just far enough to look her in the eye. "let's have some fun, shall we?"

─── ·✧· ───

So, here's the fun story about how I ended up playing beer pong with my arch-nemesis (besides Sukuna, that is) against my future lovely wife and some chemistry nerd who wouldn't shut up about covalent bonds. Not exactly the Saturday night I had in mind.

I mean, here I was, standing next to Naoya — yeah, the same guy whose face I'd rearranged a few months back — trying to aim at red plastic cups while you were absolutely wiping the floor with us. Turns out that whole '10 years of grief training in alcoholism over your dead father' wasn't just a cute phrase you threw around. Who would've thought?

But really, trying to out-drink an opioid addict? That's like challenging a fish to a swimming contest. Except the fish is in heavy withdrawal. So like, with no fin. Not my finest analogy. I blame the alcohol. What was my point again?

Anyway. Most annoying part? This chemistry department kid with these wide, bright eyes wouldn't stop talking to you about molecular structures. And you were actually entertaining him. At a party. About electron transfers. Of all the insufferable things.

"So if you consider the aromatic compounds—" he was saying, and I swear on my medical license, I didn't mean for the ball to hit him. And I definitely didn't mean for it to hit him that hard. Pure accident, really.

The ball bounced off his shoulder, effectively shutting him up. They both turned to look at me. "Molecular restructuring in organic compounds? Really?" I shrugged. "At a party?"

She shot me that look. You know the one. The classic 'I-can't-believe-I'm-sleeping-with-this-idiot' glare. It's become quite familiar these days.

"Trouble in paradise?" Naoya said beside me, and I briefly considered rearranging his face again. For symmetry's sake, of course.

But then she bent over to pick up the ball, and suddenly organic chemistry was the furthest thing from my mind. I definitely shouldn't have let her leave the house in that skirt. Though knowing her, she probably wore it just to torture me.

"Getting distracted, Professor?" she said, straightening up with that little smile that never fails to make me want to do wildly inappropriate things to her in very public places. She leaned across the table, deliberately tapping one of our cups with her finger, giving me her most innocent eyes. Because apparently, driving me insane was her new favorite pastime.

"Me?" I lifted the red cup she'd tapped to my lips, taking my sweet time with the drink, my eyes never leaving hers. "Never."

And somewhere in the haze of beer and the way she was looking at me, I tried to remember why the hell we were even here. Oh right—something about stealing keys. Real professional operation we've got going here. The medical board would be so proud. Their star surgeon, reduced to playing beer pong as a distraction tactic.

Naoya's keys were right there on the table, practically screaming to be grabbed. But between her legs in that skirt and the way she kept biting her lip every time she lined up a shot, I found myself giving fewer and fewer shits about saving my career and more about how quickly I could get her alone. Priorities. I clearly had them. Alcohol might have scrambled them a bit, I guess.

I caught a glimpse of Suguru standing off to the side of the beer pong table. He was pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes darting back and forth between me and her like he was watching the world's most stressful tennis match. I really owed him one for putting up with this shit.

Near the chemistry kid, a girl approached who looked a bit like Higurama's intern—though I wasn't entirely sure. She looked different, wearing makeup and dressed up. But that couldn't be her. She'd avoid places with flashing lights because of her epilepsy. I must be seeing things.

Then Naoya, because clearly this shitshow wasn't enough of a disaster already, decided to "level up the process." He snapped his fingers at a passing bartender, and before I could process what the fuck was happening, there was a tray of perfectly lined up tequila shots on the table. Complete with cinnamon and orange slices, because apparently, we're keeping it classy while trying to get my future wife drunk.

"New rule," Naoya announced, his scarred face pulling into what I can only assume was meant to be a grin. "Next shot I sink, you drink both. Beer and tequila."

I glanced over at her, my gut churning. Not from the alcohol—it'd take a hell of a lot more than this to get me there—but from the way she met Naoya's challenge with a nod. That stubborn tilt of her chin that always meant trouble. My palms started to sweat.

Of course, Naoya's ball dropped perfectly into her cup. Because the universe really does have a sick sense of humor.

Watching her reach for both drinks, I found myself wondering what the medical board would be more pissed about — me playing drinking games with students, screwing one of my students, or the fact that I was seriously considering murder. Again.

Then, by some physics-defying miracle or sheer dumb luck, the chemistry kid actually landed a shot. He looked as shocked as the rest of us when the ball plopped into Naoya's cup. But it was her next shot that really got my attention — perfect arc, clean landing, like she'd been doing this her whole damn life.

"Drink up, Professor," she said, but there was something different in her voice.

She reached for the tequila, and then—fuck me—propped one leg up on a nearby beer crate, the motion making her skirt ride up just enough to flash a strip of skin above her tights. Wait. Those weren't tights. Those were fucking stockings.

My brain short-circuited as I realized she'd been walking around all night in stockings. Actual stockings, with what I knew had to be a garter belt hidden under that criminally short skirt. The same spot where she was now deliberately sprinkling cinnamon.

The sight of that exposed sliver of skin between stocking and skirt made my blood boil. When the hell had she even bought those? Had she worn them just for tonight, knowing they'd make me lose my goddamn mind? Was she trying to get herself killed?

Because right now, watching her purposely dust cinnamon on that band of exposed skin, I wasn't sure if I wanted to murder her or fuck her. Probably both. My mouth went dry, and it had fuck-all to do with the alcohol.

"Well?" She tilted her head, all innocence except for that knowing look in her eyes. "Coming to get your tequila?"

Like she had to ask twice. Yet I hesitated. With all these people watching? What was she playing at? It was reckless, careless, like she was deliberately trying to expose us. It was power play, a challenge. And I knew, that she knew, that I couldn't resist.

A slow smile spread across my face as I sank to one knee before her, the crowd fading into a blur of noise. All that mattered was her—the way her breath hitched as I gripped her calf, the way she tensed as she realized that I made a whole show for her (poor girl didn’t expect that now, did she?)—the feel of her skin on my tongue.

I took my sweet time with the cinnamon, letting my tongue glide over the exposed strip of flesh, feeling her shiver. My teeth grazed her skin, just enough to draw a soft gasp from her lips. If she wanted a show, I'd give her a show. And part of me wanted to shove that skirt higher, to chase that taste of salt and cinnamon further up her thigh until—

Focus. Fucking focus.

I straightened, stepping into her space. She held an orange slice in one hand, the shot glass in the other, and I couldn't help but notice how her pupils had blown wide, how her chest rose and fell just a little faster than normal.

I plucked the orange from her fingers with my teeth, my lips brushing her skin, then took the shot glass, using the movement to press closer, my mouth right by her ear, "What exactly is your plan here?"

"Create distraction," she breathed back.

God help me, but it was working. I was definitely distracted. Whole damn crowd was distracted. And watching her play this game—watching her play me—was probably the hottest and most infuriating thing I'd ever experienced. And I'm pretty sure everyone could see I was hard too.

"You're distracting the wrong audience," I whispered before knocking back the shot.

In the midst of trying to control my homicidal urges over those goddamn stockings, she caught my eye and subtly jerked her head. I turned, making it look like I was just checking something, and spotted them—Zenin, Okkotsu, and Inumaki hovering on the other side of the table behind Naoya, waiting for their chance.

Right. The keys. The whole reason we were here. I almost forgot.

The game continued, the tension building with each shot. We were down to the last round — winner takes all. That's when she decided to really test my patience.

"Let's make this more interesting," she announced, her voice carrying over the crowd. "Losers jump in the pool." A pause, then because apparently she was hell-bent on giving me a coronary. "No clothes."

"You wouldn’t dare," Naoya scoffed.

"Try me," she replied.

I shot her a warning look. She subtly chewed on her bottom lip, meeting my gaze with an unnerving calm, perhaps her way of saying everything's gonna be okay. It did little to ease the knot in my stomach.

One shot left. If she made this, Naoya and I would be stripping down for a midnight dip. If she missed—

I tried not to think about her in that pool. Tried not to think about those stockings getting soaked. Tried not to think about murdering every sorry bastard who might lay eyes on her. Either way, this woman was going to be the death of me. If I didn't kill her first.

Naoya landed his shot, fucking prick. I missed mine for obvious reasons. Chemistry kid missed too, leaving everything on her shoulders. The ball left her hand, arcing through the air in what felt like slow motion. It circled the rim, then rolled away.

The crowd went wild. Naoya's victory smirk made me want to punch his face in. I glanced over at her, wondering for a second if she'd missed on purpose. But there was no time for that.

"Well?" Naoya's voice. "I believe the losers owe us a show."

"The game wasn't exactly fair—" I started, but she cut me off.

"Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted, Naoya?" She turned to him, her words sharp. "To see me undress without having to drug me first?"

The crowd went dead silent. Naoya's scarred face contorted into something ugly. "Watch your mouth, little girl. You're not as untouchable as you think."

"And you're pathetic," she spat back, then turned away from him. "At least I get to choose when I undress, right?”

She started walking toward the pool, each step deliberate, commanding. I followed, caught between pride and sheer terror at what she was about to do. At the edge, she turned back to me.

"Don't," I pleaded, but she was already reaching for the hem of her skirt. It fell, revealing the dark lace of her stockings. Then her top followed, and I stepped closer, trying to shield her from the leering eyes.

"This is insane." But my protest died as she stood there in only black lace, and then I saw them—the bruises from the fire still painted across her waist and ribs. Dark purple and yellow marks that hadn't yet faded, cruel reminder of how close I'd come to losing her.

The sight sobered me instantly. Something twisted in my chest, sharp and painful. The bruises I'd carefully tended to, the ones that still made her wince when I changed her bandages—on full display for this crowd of drunk idiots, turned into a spectacle.

"Please," I begged, my voice barely audible. "Don't do this."

She met my gaze, and for a fleeting moment, I thought I’d reached her. But then that smile—the one that sealed my fate—touched her lips. "Sorry, Professor," she whispered, and then she was gone, falling backward into the pool, taking a piece of me with her.

The splash echoed in my ears like a gunshot, and I was already shrugging off my jacket, ready to either dive in after her or use it to cover her when she surfaced. A cold, hard fury settled in my gut. Naoya was going to pay for this.

The crowd roared as she surfaced, her hair plastered to her face, water tracing the curves of her body beneath the soaked lace. Our eyes met across the distance, me standing at the pool's edge, and I didn’t bother to hide my disappointment. Something flickered across her face—regret maybe, or shame—before she looked away.

Hell broke loose. Bodies crashed into the water, sending waves across the pool. Even Naoya stripped off his shirt and dove in, reveling in the attention. The whole party seemed to shift to the pool in a matter of seconds — clothes flying, drinks splashing, the pristine water turning into a churning mess.

Perfect distraction.

But I barely registered any of it, my world had narrowed to her. I watched as she climbed out, leaving a trail of wet footprints on the concrete, practically sprinting past me, her gaze fixed on the floor, while water dripped from her hair, her skin, the dark lace clinging to her form.

Behind her, the pool had turned into chaos — exactly what she'd planned, I realized.

I gathered her clothes from where they'd fallen and followed her inside. I caught a glimpse of Okkotsu's quick movements near the discarded clothes by the pool.

Well played.

─── ·✧· ───

Her dripping form drew curious eyes as we moved through the foyer. Each step felt like a penance—hers for the recklessness, mine for letting it happen. Heads turned, conversations died, the sudden silence punctuated only by the soft drip, drip, drip of water from her hair.

Kento’s face flashed past, but I barely registered him. No doubt he'd give me shit about it at the university later, like he didn't already know something was up with me and her.

I wrapped my jacket around her shivering shoulders, fighting the desperate urge to reach for the opioids hidden in my pocket. Withdrawal, guilt, and fury burned together in my veins, making me want to crawl out of my own skin.

I stepped in front of her, partly to block all those eyes on her, partly to hide how bad my hands were shaking. None of it was worth it. Not the keys, not avoiding my parents, none of it. How did we end up here? How did I allow things to get to this point?

Upstairs, she dressed quickly, water still dripping from her hair, leaving damp patches on her clothes.

"Are you cold?"

"I'm okay," she said, avoiding my gaze.

She was shaking. I could see the goosebumps on her arms. "You're shivering," I said and reached for her, but she pulled away.

“I’m fine, really.”

Despite her words, I pulled her close. She didn't resist this time, tilting her face up to mine. Her eyes were bright, and for a second, I thought she might cry. The world could have been watching, for all I cared. If those tears fell, it would be my undoing.

And then I thought of everything she'd done, everything she'd had to do—for me. My twenty-four-year-old student, forced to protect me from my own damn parents, to beg for my own money. Because I’d hit a guy who tried to hurt her. Why was it all so fucked up?

The high was long gone, leaving this gaping hole. My limbs felt heavy, detached, like they belonged to a stranger, unable to reach out and fix what I’d broken. And we were so far from where we started.

"You're disappointed," she finally said. She wasn't asking.

"We should leave." Because I couldn't bear to watch her sacrifice one more piece of herself for me.

"You can leave."

Before I could say anything back, Zenin came bursting into our corner, Okkotsu and Inumaki right behind her, her eyes all lit up. "That was fucking insane!" she yelled, waving something around—Naoya's keys. "But it worked! I can't believe it actually—" She stopped short, finally noticing the tension between us.

The win felt empty. Yeah, we got what we came for. But what did it cost? Looking at her, still shivering a little in my jacket, I wasn't so sure it was worth it. I was supposed to protect her. Instead, I just kept watching her throw herself in the fire for me.

Some professor I was. Some man I was.

Strange how winning can feel so much like losing, especially when you realize you're not the one paying the price.

─── ·✧· ───

I stayed outside Naoya's room, playing lookout. At least that's what I told them. Truth was, I couldn't stand being in there, couldn't bear being near her, watching her fight my battles while I was barely holding myself together.

The itch under my skin had spread, making my whole body crawl with invisible insects while she did the dirty work. Even after everything, she was still trying to save me.

And I was still letting her.

I slid down the wall, my head hitting the floor. How did we end up here? What the fuck were we doing? What the fuck was I doing?

I'm thirty-five years old, for fuck's sake. Why was I acting like a goddamn teenager? I should've stopped her, shouldn't have let her leave the house to begin with, should've been the adult. But instead, I let it happen, standing by and watching where it led. Again.

This whole situation was insane. We were in too deep, and I knew it. But I couldn't seem to find my way out, couldn't seem to stop this trainwreck we were on. It was like I was watching it all happen from outside my own body, powerless to change course.

What kind of man was I? What kind of professor? I was supposed to be her mentor, her… something more. Instead, I was dragging her down with me.

I thought back to that night, the one that started it all. The night I found her in the lab, working late, hunched over her microscope. She looked up at me with those eyes, those damn eyes that seemed to see right through me. And I was lost. I knew it was wrong. I knew I should have walked away. But I didn't. I couldn't. Drawn in. Consumed.

And now, here we were. Trapped in this fucked-up situation of our own making. I wanted to blame her, to say it was all her fault for being so reckless, so damn stubborn. But I knew that wasn't true. I let this happen. I didn’t stop it. But why?

I could replay the events in my mind, frame by frame, but the crucial moment, the point where I should have intervened, remained a blur. It was as if some part of me had wanted to see where this ended.

Music still drifted up from downstairs, the bass thumping through the walls. It felt wrong, out of place. Like we were in a different world, a fucked-up one, while everyone else was living their normal, happy lives.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block it all out, trying to pretend, just for a moment, that this wasn't happening. That we weren't here. That everything was okay. But it was happening. And I was in it, and I knew I couldn't hold my breath much longer.

My hands wouldn't stop shaking. Kept seeing things in the corners of my vision. Shadows that shouldn't move but did, faces that weren't faces at all. The wallpaper breathed. In and out. In and out. Like a lung.

Stop it. Just stop all of it. Make it stop. But it won't stop, can't stop, because she's in there right now, digging through his things, trying to save me save me save me why won't she just stop trying to save me?

Everything felt wrong, sick, twisted. Too bright and too dark all at once. My skin didn't fit right anymore. Nothing fit right anymore. God, I needed a goddamn fix.

A cough. I pressed my hand against my mouth. When I pulled it away, my palm was red.

Huh. That's new.

I stared at the blood, watching it pool in the lines of my hand. It looked wrong somehow, too dark, too thick. The longer I stared, the more it seemed to move strangely, crawling along the creases of my palm.

Was blood supposed to move like that? Like it was alive? Like it was trying to tell me something? I couldn't remember anymore. I couldn't remember a lot of things lately. The blood kept moving, kept spreading.

Maybe this was it—maybe I was finally losing whatever scraps of sanity I had left, sitting here on a dirty floor watching my own blood drip down my palm.

A part of me wondered if he'd been right all along, that I was becoming him, the very thing I’d always feared. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be better, different. Not this—huddled on a filthy floor at a college party, watching my blood move as if in psychosis, while she risked everything for me. Again.

The door handle turned. Shit. I wiped my palm against the dark carpet, smearing the blood into the fibers where it vanished like it was never there. I scrambled to my feet just as they emerged. She moved quickly, shoving something beneath the waistband of her skirt. Before I could speak, she grabbed my arm.

"Let's leave." There was something like panic in her voice. "I'll tell you outside."

I gripped her hand, my own pulse quickening, and we went downstairs and pushed through the mass of drunk students. But then the music cut abruptly, plunging us into a moment of strange silence before panicked voices filled the void.

"What the hell—?" Okkotsu’s shout cut through the din from behind us.

Then I saw the flashing lights—red and blue strobing through the windows. Fuck.

"Cops!" Someone shouted, and the whole house erupted into chaos as people scrambled in every direction.

"Everyone freeze!" A voice boomed through the foyer. "Nobody moves!"

We reached the entrance as two officers shouldered their way through the front door. The bigger one looked like he benched trucks for fun, taking up almost the entire doorframe as he planted himself there.

"Listen up!" he bellowed, one meaty hand resting on his belt. "Party's over. Nobody leaves until we check IDs."

Perfect. Just fucking perfect.

I felt her tense beside me, those things hidden in her waistband might as well have been burning her skin. I could practically feel her panic.

"Look, officers." I stepped forward, forcing my voice into something professional. "There seems to be some confusion—"

"No confusion here," Truck-Bencher cut me off, the scar on his lip twisting as he frowned. "Got noise complaints, reports of underage drinking. Everyone stays put."

"I'm faculty at the university. These are my students and they're all over twenty-one. You're wasting everyone's time—"

"Nobody leaves until we say so."

"You really want to process IDs for over two hundred students?"

"You telling me how to do my job?" He shifted closer, chest puffed out despite me having two inches on him.

Withdrawal crawled beneath my skin like insects, each bite feeding the rage that built vertebra by vertebra up my spine. "Depends. Are you actually doing it, or just power tripping?"

"Back the fuck up." His hand dropped to his belt. "Last chance."

I felt her fingers digging into my arm, trying to pull me back. But the rage was a living thing now, burning away anything resembling sense or restraint. "Or what?"

The punch came fast. I dropped, and heard the sickening crack of bone against flesh—not mine. Some poor student next to me. For a heartbeat, everything stopped. Then chaos.

Bodies everywhere. Screaming. Shoving. Radio static cutting through the roar. Her hand in mine as we pushed through the surge. Her friends somewhere behind. Everything blurred. I can't remember when she let go of my hand.

I just remember the scream. Different from the others. Then her voice, "Get her on the ground!" I shoved through the mass of bodies. Saw the girl on the floor. Ice flooded my veins.

I knew that face. Higurama's intern. My patient. My responsibility.

I dropped beside her, my hands shaking so violently I could barely feel them. Her eyes rolled back. Withdrawal made everything too sharp, too bright. I couldn't think. Couldn't—

Satoru. Satoru. Satoru. Satoru. Satoru. Satoru. It was her voice. Fingers gripped my arm. "Satoru, look at me." I met her eyes. Steady. Unnerving. "Focus."

Everything snapped back into place. My phone was in my hand before I realized I'd moved. "This is Dr. Gojo from Jujutsu Medical. Twenty-six-year-old female, epileptic, pre-seizure presentation. We need immediate assistance."

My voice was mechanical, professional. Inside, my mind screamed. Why was she here? Had she been drinking? Were her meds interacting with something? I should know this. Should be better than this. Should be fucking better.

Nausea rose in my throat and I'd never felt more like a failure in my entire fucking life.

Behind us, the fight continued to rage. A man’s voice bellowed, trying to restore order. Then Suguru was there, kneeling beside her, his hands gentle as he cradled her head. He murmured something, soft and low. The tenderness in his movements caught me off guard.

"The ambulance is taking too long." His voice cut through everything. Before I could process it, he had her in his arms, head protected against his chest and moved.

─── ·✧· ───

I can't remember how we got to the hospital.

Everything blurred into fragments. Flashing lights, squealing tires, the weight of everything crushing my chest. Each breath scraped like broken glass. My hands wouldn't stop shaking until I swallowed three pills. Maybe four. I lost count.

The fluorescent lights overhead were too bright, too harsh, making my skull feel like it was splitting open. I wanted to crack my head against the wall.

Some part of me was still moving, still speaking in that detached doctor voice — rattling off medical history, medications, possible interactions. Years of training overriding the screaming in my head. But they never trained us for this.

Never trained us for how guilt tastes like acid in your throat while watching your mistakes breathe shallowly on starched white sheets.

They taught us to make clean incisions, to suture arteries, to restart hearts. But not how your own heart would seize when you recognize the face on the floor. Not how your girlfriend’s hands would be steadier than your own worthless trembling ones as you fumbled for your phone, your throat closing around the words "this is my fault", "please" and "I'm sorry."

Didn’t prepare us for withdrawal turning your hands into treacherous strangers while someone seized at your feet. For the shame that festers in your gut as you come down, struggling to remember basic fucking dosages through the need scorching through your veins.

They never warned us how love would carve you open worse than any scalpel, making you both butcher and victim, instrument and incision. Never warned us about loving someone while you’re falling apart. How it feels like drowning in open air, your chest cracked wide and your beating heart wrenched out into daylight, desperate and terrified and somehow still pumping, still fighting, still so fucking afraid.

Higurama's intern lay still now, the steady drip of the IV marking time like a metronome in the silence. I watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest, my mind replaying the medications, the dosages, searching for the mistake I must have made. There had to be one. There was always one.

Perhaps he was right about me after all. Funny how even now, even here, I could still hear his voice so clearly.

"You okay?"

She sat across from me, swallowed by my spare clothes—an old t-shirt and sweatpants that draped loosely on her frame, a blanket draped over her legs. Anything was better than those clothes from before, those fucking stockings I'd personally thrown in the trash.

"Satoru?" she tried again. "You okay?"

I couldn't bring myself to answer.

"Talk me through her meds again," she said, resting her head in her palm. Her eyes, piercing and unwavering, never left my face as she waited.

I rubbed my temples, trying to focus through the exhaustion. "Standard anticonvulsants. Levetiracetam, 500mg twice daily. Added phenytoin after the first seizure." I fell back into my chair, scrubbing my hand over my face. "She couldn't tolerate the Levetiracetam, so I switched to Topiramate, 500mg thrice daily."

She was quiet for a moment. "Side effects?"

"Minor. Tremor in her extremities sometimes, but nothing she couldn't handle. It was working." I paused. "It was supposed to be working."

"EEG results?"

"Showed mild abnormalities. Nothing that would explain a seizure this severe." I scrubbed at my face again, harder this time. "I should have seen it. Should have caught something."

"Satoru." Her voice held that gentle firmness I knew so well. "You did everything right."

"Then why did she seize?" I stood abruptly, the chair screeching against linoleum. I turned away, unable to bear her gentle gaze. Outside, dawn was breaking in shades of grey. No color, no warmth, just an endless stretch of concrete and clouded sky bleeding into each other. "If I did everything right, why is she lying here?"

"Because sometimes that's just how it goes. You know this better than anyone," she said. "Medicine isn't perfect. Neither are we."

My reflection stared back at me, ghostly and distorted in the glass. Dark circles, stubble, hair a fucking mess. A doctor coming down from a high while his patient lay in a hospital bed.

"I should have increased the dosage earlier. Run more tests. I should have—"

"Seen the future?"

"I should have been better."

"You are already the best," she said, but it felt like a lie to me. "But even the best can't control everything."

Higurama's intern stirred slightly in her sleep, and we both fell silent, the moment stretching taut between us. I dragged myself back to the chair, sinking down with my face in my hands.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she whispered, leaning forward to brush a stray strand of hair from the girl's forehead. "Sometimes life just happens, and all we can do is be there to pick up the pieces."

I wanted to believe her. God, how I wanted to. But the truth sat like stones in my stomach.

"I hate this," I whispered.

"I know."

Silence.

"Do you blame yourself?" she asked quietly.

"How can I not?"

Because it's stupid, you know this. I could feel them in my bones, the words forming on her lips before she could speak them. "How did that ever change anything?" I said before she could start.

She leaned back, the chair creaking slightly. "Do you think we are terrible people?" she asked, her voice so soft I almost missed it.

I turned to look at her then, really look at her. Even exhausted and worried, wearing my old clothes, she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Like a drug I couldn't quit, a high I'd chase until it killed me.

And what did that say about either of us? That I wanted to crack her open, crawl inside her skin and nestle myself in her marrow? Wanted to consume her, devour her, until there was nothing left but the two of us, fused together in the most depraved way possible?

It was as if we were always meant to find each other. But it was a penance, for both of us.

"I think I am what I am because of you," I finally said.

And it was the truth. She'd molded me, shaped me, just as I'd shaped her. We'd ruined each other for anyone else, stripped away the innocence and left only the filth and grit behind.

Her hand fell from her face, her eyes meeting mine. "And I am what I am because of you."

"Does that scare you?"

"I think one gets used to it."

"Yeah," I said finally, my voice rough. "I guess you do get used to it. Until you don't."

She frowned, but before she could voice something, Suguru stepped inside.

He said we should leave, and maybe that was for the better anyway, though I couldn't quite shake the feeling that there was an edge to his voice. Anger, perhaps. But I couldn't blame him. Not really.

I grabbed her things, my hand finding its familiar place at the small of her back as we headed for the door. Suguru's voice followed us down the corridor. "What did you find in Zenin's room anyway?" he asked, as if it were something to be discussed in the doorway.

I walked ahead.

I didn't need to hear again about the unconscious women on the Polaroids.

─── ·✧· ───

Too quiet.

He was never this quiet.

"How bad is it?" I asked, perched on the edge of the exam bed where the paper sheet betrayed every nervous shift of my weight with stupid crinkles. Pale morning light filtered through the blinds, casting thin stripes across the linoleum floor.

I'd coughed up blood again earlier this morning. More than last night. The metallic taste had filled my mouth before I even opened my eyes. I'd stumbled to the bathroom, careful not to wake her—she needed the rest after we spent the whole damn night at the police station.

I stared at the red running down the drain. Way more than there should be. I'd blamed it on stress and alcohol last time. But now? It meant my liver was probably failing faster than I'd thought. Coagulation system breaking down, blood vessels becoming fragile. Textbook end-stage.

I called him then. He was still at the hospital, had slept there while looking after Higurama's intern. His face had gone pale when he saw me walk in. Guess I looked as bad as I felt.

We ran tests. All of them. Blood work, chest X-rays, the works. And now here we are. I watched him reading what I assumed was my death sentence, waiting for him to finally look up, while the clock on the wall ticked away the seconds.

But he kept his eyes fixed on the test results, holding himself with the careful rigidity of someone handling explosives. Another bad sign.

"Suguru."

He exhaled slowly, finally meeting my gaze with eyes that said everything before his mouth could form the words. "You should have started treatment sooner. We talked about this months ago."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I tried to wave off his concern. "What do the results say?"

His fingers tightened on the papers until the corners creased. "Your liver enzymes are through the roof. AST over 1000, ALT even higher. Bilirubin's climbing while albumin's dropping. Your PT/INR values—" He trailed off, shaking his head. "Your liver is failing, Satoru. Not just damaged anymore—failing."

I let the clinical terms wash over me. The doctor in me understood the implications perfectly. The addict in me wanted to laugh at the irony.

"Well," I said, forcing lightness into my tone, "guess I should have listened to you sooner, huh?"

Suguru's expression hardened. "This isn't a joke. Without immediate intervention—" He caught himself, but I could read the rest in his eyes as clearly as any lab report.

Without immediate intervention, I was dying. Fitting, really. That my body would choose to betray me just when I'd finally found something worth living for.

"How's the withdrawal going?" Suguru asked, setting down the test results.

"Managing." I ran a hand through my hair, trying to ignore how even that simple movement felt like too much effort. "Reduced the hydromorphone gradually. Down to about 5mg now."

"Satoru." His voice carried that familiar note of frustration, the one I'd heard a thousand times before. "You need to stop completely. Not reduce—stop. Your liver can't handle any more strain."

"I'm trying," I snapped, then immediately regretted the harshness. "Sorry. I know you're trying to help."

Suguru pulled up a chair, sitting down with a heavy sigh. "We need to start treatment immediately. The protocol won't be pleasant—high-dose corticosteroids, immunosuppressants, possibly plasmapheresis if things get worse."

"Sounds fun."

"It'll be brutal," he continued, ignoring my sarcasm. "The side effects alone—you'll need to be monitored constantly. Multiple blood draws daily, frequent imaging. And absolutely no narcotics—your liver won't survive it."

I absorbed this, the clinical reality of what lay ahead settling into my bones. "So basically, I get to feel like shit while you stick me with needles and watch me suffer."

"That's about right. But it's either that or start planning your funeral."

"At least you're honest." I attempted a smile that felt more like a grimace. "When do we start?"

"Tomorrow morning. I'll admit you tonight, get you set up in a private room," Suguru said, already reaching for admission forms.

"Monday morning."

He looked up sharply. "What?"

"I have a family dinner on Sunday," I shrugged. "Can't skip it."

"Are you insane?" Suguru's voice rose to fill the small room. "Your liver is failing, Satoru. This isn't something you can postpone for a damn dinner party."

"Monday morning," I repeated firmly. "I gave my word I'd be there."

"Your word won't mean much if you're dead."

"I can manage two more days."

"No, you can't." Suguru slammed the test results down with enough force to make me flinch. Since when is he always so fucking tense? "Your numbers are critical. Every hour we delay treatment increases the risk of complete liver failure."

"Monday."

"For fuck's sake, Satoru—"

"I said Monday. I need to do this, Suguru. Please."

He stared at me for a long moment, jaw clenched so tight I could hear his teeth grinding. Finally, his shoulders slumped.

"Fine. Monday morning, first thing. But if you show any signs of deterioration—any at all—I'm admitting you immediately. And no alcohol at that dinner. Not a single drop."

"Deal."

"I mean it, Satoru."

"I know," I said, trying to inject some levity into the heavy atmosphere. "You can do all sorts of things to me on Monday. Not like I have much on my schedule anyway."

"So Yaga has exempted you?"

"Temporarily relieved of my teaching duties until further notice." I tried to keep my voice light, but the words still choked me. "Apparently, licking your student's leg in public view isn't considered acceptable behavior. Who knew?"

"Everyone would have known that."

"Most people were too drunk to remember anyway, or too busy dealing with the police raid afterwards to care." I shrugged. "Silver lining?"

"This isn't funny. Do you have any idea how serious this is? Your career—"

"My career?" I almost laughed. "In case you missed the memo, my liver's failing. I think my career concerns just got bumped down the priority list."

Suguru fell silent.

"Besides," I added, "maybe it's for the best. Can't exactly teach while going through treatment, can I?"

"Yaga doesn't know about your condition?"

"No, and he's not going to. As far as he's concerned, I'm just taking some time to... reassess my professional boundaries."

"And when he asks why you're not fighting this?"

I sighed. "Let him think what he wants. I've got bigger problems right now."

"Like a family dinner you're insisting on attending despite being on death's door?"

"Exactly." I flashed him a grin, this one a little more genuine despite everything. "See? You're getting it."

"You're impossible."

"That's why you love me."

"That's why I'm going to enjoy sticking you with needles on Monday."

"Kinky."

His expression sobered, eyes searching my face. "You should tell her."

The mere mention of her sent a knife twisting in my gut. "No."

"Satoru—"

"I said no. She has enough to deal with right now. This stays between us."

Suguru shook his head but didn't argue further. He knew me too well to waste his breath.

"I will," I added softly, more to convince myself than him. "When I'm a bit better."

"This will kill her."

"I know."

Silence.

"I'm sorry," I finally managed. "For being an asshole. For everything. And... thanks for coming to the party with me."

"You already apologized."

"I mean it." I met his gaze. "You've always been there, even when I didn't deserve it."

Something shifted in his expression—a flicker of the friendship we'd shared before everything got so complicated. Before I'd dragged us both into this mess.

"Just don't die on me," he said. "I've invested too much time in keeping your stupid ass alive."

I pushed off the bed, steadying myself against the sudden dizziness that threatened to knock me over. "See you Monday."

"You're a stubborn idiot," he called after me. I didn't disagree.

I stopped at the door, turning back. "Hey, what's going on between you and Higurama's intern anyway?"

Suguru stiffened slightly. "Nothing. Just concerned since she's my patient now too."

I studied him, noting the subtle tension in his shoulders, the way his gaze shifted slightly left—his tell when he wasn't being entirely truthful.

"Sure," I said, too exhausted to push it further. "See you Monday."

As I walked away, I wondered if he knew how obvious he was. Then again, who was I to judge? I was hardly an expert at handling matters of the heart.

─── ·✧· ───

I paused outside our apartment door, my hand trembling on the handle. Withdrawal clawed through me, a living thing twisting my gut. Each breath was a struggle, my lungs constricting as if they'd forgotten their purpose. Just breathe, idiot. In, out. You're almost there.

Relief flooded through me the moment I opened the door. Her shoes were there, neatly arranged next to my scattered ones. Her coat on the hook. She was home.

Strange how that simple fact could lift the weight crushing my chest, made breathing a fraction less painful. No matter how bad things were, coming home to her felt like breaking the surface after being underwater too long.

Dog bounded up to greet me, tail whipping back and forth, before darting off toward the bedroom. Smart boy knew exactly where to find her. I kicked off my shoes, let my jacket fall where it would, and followed.

She was there, sprawled across our bed in a sea of papers, bathed in the warm light of the bedside lamp. The sight of her stole what little breath I had left. Hair messily pulled back, drowning in one of my old t-shirts, completely lost in whatever she was reading. Beautiful. It was a beauty that made my heart ache.

Without a word, I crawled onto the bed, dragging myself up until I could rest my head on her stomach. I paused, remembering the bruises on her midsection. But before I could pull back, she gently tugged me closer and I surrendered, resting my head against her warmth.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and her fingers found my hair instantly, like they belonged there, gentle strokes that made my eyes flutter closed and I thought, this was home. This was peace. Even as my body screamed for relief, even as guilt gnawed at me, here with her, I could almost believe everything would be okay.

"What are you reading?" I mumbled against her shirt, already knowing the answer. Why did she still throw herself into this project? Did it even matter anymore? But I already knew that answer too. Distraction.

"Research papers. For our project." Her fingers never stopped their magic. "Everything okay at the hospital?" I wondered for a second how she knew where I went, but then she said, "Antiseptic smell."

Did I always smell like that? Like the harsh, sterile scent of the hospital? I hated it. Hated how it seemed to cling to my skin no matter how many times I scrubbed my hands raw. Hated the way it reminded me of sickness and death.

I hugged her tighter, breathing in her familiar scent as that was so unlike the clinical smell of the hospital as I crafted the lie. Yeah, everything's fine, I told her. Had to check on something with a patient. Normal stuff, nothing to worry about. Standard procedure.

But even as I spoke, the guilt in my stomach twisted. The truth was, I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep going like this. I could feel myself slipping, losing my grip on the things that mattered most and I couldn't help but wonder if I'd even make it to the end.

If I'd be there to witness the results of our research, to stand by her side as we perhaps do something great. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to drown out the intrusive thoughts, focusing on the feel of her beneath me, the steady rise and fall of her breath.

Her fingers paused momentarily in my hair, and I knew she sensed something off. She always could read me too well. But then she resumed the gentle stroking.

"You'd tell me if something's wrong, right?"

"Of course," I whispered, another lie to add to the growing pile.

I tightened my arms around her waist, as if by holding her close enough, I could somehow make up for my betrayal. As if loving her fiercely enough could somehow balance out the pain I was about to cause her. Monday felt both too far away and not nearly far enough.

Desperate for a distraction, I asked about how it went at the police station. She said it was fine, her friends were with her as they'd needed to clarify their statements, she explained, her fingers still weaving through my hair. Everything had been too hazy right after the party.

She mentioned they needed me to verify my own statement again too. I bit back the urge to say that they'd likely have to come to my hospital bed for that. Instead, I just hummed in response. Whatever it took to make that little shit pay for what he'd done.

"He won't hurt anyone else," she added. "We'll make sure of it."

Something about her struck me as odd. How could she be so unaffected by everything that had happened? Like we didn’t just discover that Zenin Naoya was—

"You're so calm about it."

"And what would you have me do?"

I didn’t know. Maybe I should be grateful that at least one of us could keep it together.

I turned my head, pressing a kiss to her palm. I wanted to tell her how proud I was of her, how sorry I was for dragging her into this mess, how I feared the rumors that would follow her through university halls. How fucking terrified I was. How much I loved her. But it all just crowded in my throat, tangled with all the other truths I couldn't voice.

Instead, I just held her tighter. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"For what?"

I didn't answer. Couldn't answer. Or lie again. I clung to her, as if she were the only thing keeping me from falling apart, pressing my face into her stomach, trying to blur myself into her very being. "Satoru,” she winced, a small sound escaping her lips. "You're hurting me."

"Please," I pleaded, tears pricking at my eyes. “Just… bear it for a moment. Please.” But then, a sudden tickle rose in my throat, and I sat up abruptly, he movement sending the room spinning.

"You okay?" she asked, sitting up as well, her hand cradling her side.

"Yeah," I managed, before another cough clawed its way out. I stood, turning away from her, my hand coming up to cover my mouth. When I pulled it away, blood glistened on my palm.

"Satoru? You sure you're okay?"

"Everything's fine." I curled my fingers into a fist, watching red seep between my knuckles. "Just need some water."

I should call him again. Should probably head to the hospital right now. Every logical part of my brain screamed at me to seek help, to stop this madness before it was too late.

But Sunday's dinner loomed in my mind. One last chance to fix things with her, to make things right before everything inevitably crumbled around us. Just two more days. I just needed to hold on for two more days and then I could let the chips fall where they may.

Even as blood painted the back of my throat red, I clung to that desperate hope, that foolish notion that I could make this right. I knew I was being stupid. Reckless. Playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.

But then again, what did it matter anyway?

<- prev chapter | next chapter ->

author's note — welcome back, i hope this wasn't too intense, even tho i went through all stages of grief writing this chapter, but i'm quite happy with how it turned out. hope you all survived seeing things through satoru's eyes once more. writing from his perspective is always both challenging and thrilling in some strange way.

quick note, as this is somehow not obvious to some people: i understand that this story deals with controversial topics and might not be everyone’s cup of tea but this is purely fictional work, and i'm just here to enjoy a stupid little hobby. i am not looking for criticism. if the story makes you uncomfortable, feel free to block me and move on.

for those following the spin-off: yes, this chapter runs parallel to remedies and reasons chapter 04 ! if you want to see how certain events played out from a different angle, definitely check out the suguru spin-off.

and i want to thank you all for your incredible support. your comments, messages, and theories continue to blow me away. seeing how deeply you connect with this story and catch all the little details i sprinkle throughout brings me so much joy. your thoughtful analyses and wild speculations make writing this stupid story so much fun !! :''))

also a massive thank you to @/nanamis-baker who beta reads all these chaotic chapters, listens to my rambling about plot points, and talks me down whenever i'm convinced everything i write is terrible <3

& second quick note about the alcohol consumption in this story: while it's serve the narrative of the story, please remember that alcohol is toxic to the body and brain, with no "safe" amount. please be mindful of your health and wellbeing.

next chapter we'll be back to our regular pov as we deal with the aftermath of... well, all of this. until then, take care of yourselves ! and as always, thank you for joining me on this chaotic journey and being patient with my slow updates <3

ps: if you want to get notifications for future updates, you can join my taglist here !

tags — @browrm @panteramarron @starlightanyaaa

@myahfig4 @rosebluod @bloopsstuff @depressedemosantaclaus @nanamis-baker

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@chiyokoemilia @bonequinhagojo @janbannan @mikkmmmii @yeiena

@coeqi @faustina @glenkiller338 @yenmrtnz @buni-bunnydoll

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babyleostuff · 9 months ago

Text

today was (not) a fairytale

fluff (+ a bit of angst) 𐙚 established relationship 𐙚 idol!mingyu x fem!reader 𐙚 wc: 1.6k

. . . mingyu forgets about your anniversary

mingyu was a busy guy, that was obvious. but one thing he was never too busy for was you. it didn’t matter if it was just a can you couldn’t open, or a spider that had to be killed - mingyu was always there for you, no questions asked. to be honest, you could call him and tell him you wanted a hug, and he’d drop whatever he was doing just so he could trap you in a bear hug for the rest of the evening. that was how whipped he was.

and now he was late. two hours.

at first you thought something had happened - you texted some of the boys to ask if they knew where he was, you called his mom - you even checked the latest news, worried to see any updates about a car accident.

nothing.

sitting at an expensive restaurant full of people by yourself was humiliating enough, but what bothered you even more was that it was supposed to be your anniversary dinner. mingyu never missed any milestones of your relationship, he even bought you small gifts on the date you had your first kiss.

then it hit you - his location. quickly pulling your phone out of your bag, you couldn’t believe your eyes.

he was at seungcheol’s place.

not bothering to call your boyfriend - it wasn’t like he was answering any of your calls before, so why bother - you called the oldest boy, fiddling with your napkin that you wouldn’t be probably using tonight either way.

“hey, is everything okay?” seungcheol asked immediately. it wasn’t often that you called him, especially at such a late hour, so he figured something must have happened.

“is mingyu with you?” you heard some shuffling in the background, and noises that sounded a lot like your boyfriend and hoshi.

“um, yeah. you want me to pass him the phone?” you could clearly hear seungcheol’s confusion in his voice, but you weren’t in the “shitting rainbows and unicorns” mood, so you didn’t even bother with hiding your annoyance.

“fan-fucking-tastic.”

you couldn’t believe he actually forgot about your anniversary. you had been planning this date for such a long time now. getting a reservation at this restaurant wasn’t easy, even mingyu had to pull a few strings and flash a couple of polite smiles, so you could come here on the exact day of your milestone. you prepared matching outfits for god’s sake. how could have he forgotten?

“tell him not to come back home tonight,” you said, and hung up the phone before seungcheol could say anything.

you spend the whole ride home trying to keep your tears from falling. you didn’t know what was worse - sitting in a restaurant for two hours waiting for someone who was over at his friend’s house drinking soju, or that the love of your life forgot about something so important.

the second you got inside your apartment you practically ripped off the dress you were wearing, suddenly almost disgusted by the feel of it on your skin. your shoes joined soon after, and not even five minutes after getting back home you got changed into PJs (for once not being mingyu’s shirt), and poured yourself a glass of wine.

“happy anniversary i quess.”

when you were about to turn off all of the lights in the living room for the night, you heard the door open and close with much more force than needed.

“baby? baby, where ar-,” he emerged from around the corner, stopping right in front of you. you took in his form - hair tousled from the wind, his shirt from practice still on, and shoes on his feet, which never happened - mingyu never wore shoes inside the house. huh, he must’ve been in a real hurry to get here.

“i’m so sorry, i got here as quickly as possible,” he said, a little out of breath. you had to stop the urge to laugh in his face because what the hell?

“too bad you didn’t bother to show up where you really were supposed to be, mingyu,” you snickered, anger radiating off of you. your boyfriend knew he was in deep shit the second seungcheol shot him a worried look, and how he would make it up to you, he had no idea.

“i know, baby-,”

“don’t call me that. you don’t deserve it mingyu,” you pointed a finger at his chest. just then he noticed you got your nails done to match the design on his tie, and he could swear he died a little bit at that moment. “do you have any idea how humiliated i felt sitting there like an idiot, waiting for my fucking boyfriend who decided to go out with his friends on our anniversary?”

“i called your friends, your family. i thought you got into an accident for fucks sake,” your voice cracked at the end of the sentence, as you finally felt something else than just anger. the thought of losing mingyu wasn’t something you wanted to think about on your anniversary night. “i was so excited for this, and you knew it,” you took in a shaky inhale, once again feeling the tears brimming in your eyes.

it took everything from you not to hug mingyu, he looked so… sad, and just so defeated, and that wasn’t something you were used to seeing on your boyfriend’s face.

“there are a thousand excuses on my mind right now, but none of them will excuse my behaviour,” he sighed, his lower lip trembling. please don't cry, please don’t cry. “i forgot,” he said, straightening his back a little. “i simply forgot, and nothing i do will make up for it.”

tears clouded your eyes, and you couldn’t help when they started falling down your cheeks, probably ruining the makeup you put so much effort into. if you knew you’d end up crying on your anniversary night you’d use a waterproof mascara. mingyu hesitantly raised his hand, as if he was afraid you’d run away from him, but when he saw you didn’t move an inch, he started wiping off the tears of your face with a gentle swipe of his thumb, almost as if you were about to fall apart.

“say something. no, yell at me,” he said, and put your hand against his chest. “you can even hit me,” mingyu said, pleading in his eyes. “please, just do something.”

“i don’t want to yell at you,” you sniffled, wiping off the rest of the tears yourself. “and i definitely don’t want to hit you. i just-,” you looked at him and only then noticed the dark circles under his eyes. did his face get slimmer too? “when was the last time you slept?”

he looked a bit taken aback by your question, considering he was begging you to hit him like a second ago. “to be honest, i don’t know, but i took some naps in the practice room. that’s not import-,”

“when was the last time you ate?” you interrupted him again.

his eyes softened because there was no way he just stood you up on one of the most important days of the year, and you were asking him about his well being. “i don't know.”

i don’t know. hearing those words from a person who inhaled food like a vacuum, and could never say no to a snack broke your heart. how did you not notice how exhausted he was before?

“oh, mingyu,” you said, tearing up again. “why didn’t you tell me, i would’ve brought you some food.”

“i know, but i didn’t want to burden you. i knew i’d be fine,” he said, voice gentle. “besides, that’s not important now. let’s talk about how big of an asshole i am,” he grabbed your face in both of his hands, tilting it more upwards.

“how can you say it’s not important?” you murmured, nuzzling your face further into his palm. “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you without food for longer than an hour.”

“hey, i don’t eat that much,” you couldn’t help but giggle at his words, and seeing mingyu’s face lit up at your, albeit quiet, laughter, you felt the anger leaving you for good.

maybe you were too selfish? all you lived for for the past week was the date, but in the process you managed to somehow miss how exhausted your boyfriend was. yes, he did forget, but he was so overworked lately, you couldn’t really blame him, right? and it wasn’t like you were a saint either, you missed some dates in the past too.

“whatever you’re thinking, drop it,” he said sternly. “don’t try to make any excuses for me. i forgot, okay? it’s all my fault.”

technically you knew you had every right to be furious at him, hell - an hour you cursed him out with every curse word you knew, but maybe it wasn't the time to think straight, and just give the light of your life a second chance. “i don’t want to fight,” you said, wrapping your hands around his wrists. “and we still have,” you looked over at the clock, “two hours before midnight. we have the wine, and i think i have a pizza in the freezer.”

mingyu shook his head in disbelief. “there’s no way you’re real.” leaning in, he placed a peck on your cheek, filling your chest with a warm, fuzzy feeling. “you look beautiful by the way,” he whispered, and put his forehead against yours. “i’m really sorry.”

“i know, gyu. i know,” you whispered. “and mingyu?”

“yeah?”

“you can call me “baby” again.”

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muniimyg · 2 months ago

Text

𐙚₊˚⊹ bbydaddy!yoongi (7) ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹

series m.list // taglist

note: yoongi and oc have the what r we talk,, have a few awh moments,, and r jus so cute... anyways,, my apologies as i'll be fixing my taglist next week ,, too busy n just trying to push out content lol !!! also PLEASE BE SURE TO LEAVE UR @ IN THE COMMENT BOX FOR SPECIFIC FIC TAGLIST STUFF (in the taglist form)

EDIT: mochi < injeolmi

as yoongi stands outside your door with a plastic bag swinging in one hand—all he can really think about is how amused he is from the 2AM craving text.

he takes a breath, raises his hand to knock, but the door opens before he can and there you stand with puffy cheeks streaked with the telltale signs of crying.

his smile drops instantly.

“hey,” yoongi’s voice softens, concern etching into his features. “___, what happened? w-why are you crying?”

you try to muster a smile but fail. your lips tremble as you glance at the bag in his hand. letting out a shaky laugh, you wipe your face and take a deep breath in.

“i don’t even really want pickles and peanut butter,” you admit. “i just… it’s… this isn’t about a pregnancy craving, yoongi.”

yoongi’s brows knit together and he steps forward. closing the space between you two, suddenly you feel a rush of guilt.

“okay, then what is it about?” his voice is gentle. he places the bag on the floor so he can rest a hand on your arm, grounding and reassuring. "everything okay? you okay?"

you looks up at him, eyes glassy and full of a vulnerability.

“i just…” you take another breath, steadying yourself. “i didn’t know how to tell you i wanted you here. just you. no excuses, no weird cravings.”

yoongi’s eyes widen, confusion and something else flashing across his face.

“wait—you could’ve just asked me to come over. i would’ve dropped everything to be here. you know that, right?”

a tear slips down your cheek. shaking your head, a sad smile forms.

“yeah. we’re friends, yoongi, but we’re not friends.” you say, emphasizing the word. a pang of bitterness lingers. “we’re not close like that. i guess i’m just freaking out because as much as i want this—fuck, i want this so bad… i’m upset that i’m having a baby with someone i can’t even ask to come over without making up an excuse. does that make sense?”

yoongi’s heart clenches.

he’s struck speechless for a moment. then he sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

“i get it,” he says quietly. his hand still rests on your arm. he squeezes it lightly. “can i come in? let’s talk about this please.”

you nod and move aside for him.

yoongi steps into your apartment, closing the door softly behind him.

he heads to the kitchen, methodically placing the jars of pickles and peanut butter on the counter. his movements are slower than usual as the weight of the moment settles in.

when he turns, he watches you retreat toward your bedroom and for a second—confusion prickles at the back of his mind.

why aren’t we sitting in the living room? he wonders.

he’s never been inside your bedroom before.

… but he follows you anyway, trailing behind you like a shadow.

the room feels more intimate than he expected.

the walls holding a quiet familiarity, but also the tension of something unspoken. you two stand there for a beat, the silence stretching until you blurt out;

“s-sorry. uh, the couch makes my back hurt if i sit there too long. i’m more comfortable in here. is that okay?”

yoongi takes in your words, a small pang of concern for her comfort, and nods, his usual nonchalance cracking just a bit.

then, you both settle on the bed.

the awkwardness between you two is palpable. yoongi braces himself for the conversation they both know is coming, hoping the closeness will bridge the distance they’ve been struggling to cross.

“are you regretting this?” you ask, voice quiet and afraid.

yoongi shakes his head instantly.

“no. i’m not,” he answers. “are you?”

you also shake your head.

“no… but, i do wish i thought it through more.”

he titls his head. “specifically about what? about me?”

you bite bottom lip, trying to find the words to explain how you feel about him. how you feel about everything between you two…

and it’s hard.

it’s difficult because you never had to think twice about yoongi and your friendship.

friends.

until sometimes, when you two are alone.. it’s friends.

“let’s be honest,” yoongi begins, cutting your thoughts short. “we’ve always had this weird… in-between thing. but if you need me, you don’t have to make excuses. i’m already here, aren't i? and i’m committed to the baby—our baby. to you, even… so, tell me where your headspace is at. i’ll match it. i’ll place myself in between where you need me and where i want to be for you. you just have to tell me what you want, ___.”

you look at him, eyes searching his for something… then, yoongi continues, his voice sincere and steady.

“we’re about to have a child together, yeah, but more than that… i care about you. always have. so, please don’t think that you have to put up walls or hide what you need from me, okay? i want to see through it. i want to see through you.”

you take a breath, relief washing over her as you nod.

“okay.”

and in that small word, a bridge starts to form between them—something real and raw and hopeful.

you and yoongi have never been close.

there has never been a moment where you were in trouble and thought to yourself; shit i need yoongi’s help.

no.

there was always hyemi, nam joon, jin, hoseok, jimin, taehyung and jungkook before yoongi. not that you liked him the least—if anything; considering the current happenings—maybe you like him the most. but besides that, you two are truly just decent friends.

everyone in the friendgroup is.

you laugh at the same jokes, make fun of nam joon when he says something ridiculous, and have each other’s backs when needed—but that’s it.

or at least it should be.

again, until you’re alone together... then, it’s different.

there’s this undercurrent.

something unspoken that takes all makes it hard to breathe. it’s the way he leans in when he’s talking to you. it’s the subtle touches he probably doesn’t think about… all these vague flirting moments leave you second-guessing… but you know what is it. you know who he is.

and that’s what’s confusing.

in the midst of this in-between—you don’t know how to word what he makes you feel.

safe?

nervous?

loved?

and now with the baby; it should be more complicated. everything in your life feels more complicated but somehow; what you are—or what you aren’t—hasn’t changed at all.

you’re still friends.

friends.

“can we talk about this?” you speak out. “like first… what are we?”

yoongi’s eyes widen.

he wasn’t ready for this question, but he also doesn’t hate it. he’s been wanting to know too. he’s been thinking about it too.

“what do you want us to be?”

you gulp, not knowing if he’ll like the answer you’re about to give.

“friends,” you tell him. “is that ridiculous?”

yoongi shrugs. “only if you make it to be.”

“it’s just… i feel like i need to get to know you more. i didn’t even save your number in my phone until last year. we’ve been friends for over 3 years, yoongi… also, i don’t know your favourite colour. i don’t know your birthdate because i always confuse it with hobi’s… yours is in february, right?”

“march.”

you throw your head back, letting out a sharp and loud hiss.

“fuck—s-see what i mean?” you take a breath and regulate. then, you reach for his hand and squeeze it. “i’m sorry. we’ve been decent friends but truth be told sometimes i feel like a stranger to you. i didn’t think this through—”

“it’s fine,” yoongi says, patting your back. “we’re not complete strangers. you know things about me, ___. don’t act like you don’t just because you’re scared. and, you know what? we can get to know each other more as the pregnancy goes on. besides, once the baby comes out—you’re stuck with me for life. i mean, it’s our baby.”

your lips curve into a small smile.

“is our baby gonna have two cribs?” you blurt. “hyemi made a passing comment and for some reason i keep picturing it. two cribs.. two sets of clothes.. two homes.. two car seats—”

“one then,” yoongi simplifies it for you. “move in with me or i move in with you.”

you blink at him.

“...hear me out,” yoongi says, voice calm but his eyes serious, holding yours as if he’s trying to make sure every word sticks. “we already spend so much time together—in our friendgroup setting at least… and i know it won’t be perfect. we’ll annoy each other, i’m sure, but it’ll be easier. for both of us. we won’t have to juggle back and forth or worry about where the baby should be or whose place has what.”

you swallow.

the image of two cribs still lingering in your mind, mixing with the new picture he’s painting—one home, one set of everything, a shared life that feels both thrilling and terrifying.

“yoongi…” you start, your voice wavering. “it’s not just about convenience. moving in together means… a lot. and what if we make things harder? what if it complicates everything more than it should?”

he nods, understanding the hesitation even as he inches a little closer, his presence grounding you.

“i get that,” he says. “but we’ve already made things complicated, haven’t we?” his lips curve into a small, almost hopeful smile. “this way, at least, we’ll be complicated together. and if it doesn’t work, we’ll figure it out, for the baby’s sake. we owe it to them—and to ourselves—to at least try.”

you want to say yes.

to fall into this idea of a shared space, of yoongi always being just a few steps away, but the weight of uncertainty keeps you frozen.

“i don’t know,” you murmur, dropping your gaze to your hands. “it’s a big step… and i’m scared of what it could mean… for us.”

yoongi reaches over, his fingers brushing lightly against yours.

“i’m scared too,” he admits softly. “but i’d rather try and fail than not try at all. just… think about it, okay? no pressure. maybe a timer though. baby is coming soon.”

you finally look up, meeting his eyes, the sincerity there chipping away at your worries. a small, reluctant smile tugs at your lips.

“hahaha… okay. yeah, i’ll think about it,” you promise, and the room feels a little lighter, hope lingering between you both. "... what if we buy baby things and leave it at yours? i think... i do want to move in with you. i think your points make sense and honestly? i've been thinking about us a lot... let's just do it slowly, okay?"

yoongi leans back slightly, studying your expression before he continues.

“okay, if we’re doing this, I want to do it right,” he says, the seriousness of his tone making you focus. “since we're confessing.. truth be told, i’ve been struggling with this entire thing too. ___, i don’t want to be the dad who just shows up when it’s convenient or only takes half the responsibility. until we figure out the whole moving-in thing… i need you to keep me in the loop. not even the loop—in it. everything, okay? every appointment, every little thing the doctor says. even if it’s something silly, like craving pickles at 2 in the morning, call me. i want to be here. i meant it when i said i need you to figure out how to need me.”

you nod slowly, his words settling into your chest. the way he’s looking at you—it’s like he’s already preparing himself for every moment he might miss if you don’t.

“and i'm serious about appointments,” yoongi adds, his voice softening just a little, the corners of his lips turning up in a small smile. “i want to know every detail. hear the heartbeat, see the ultrasounds, even if it means i have to reschedule work. screw it, honestly. you and baby are my priority… i’m gonna do everything to make you know that you deserve to feel like we’re doing this together.”

a lump forms in your throat, and you swallow, feeling the weight of his commitment.

“you really mean that,” you say quietly, more to yourself than him. “yoongi…”

“of course, i do.” he pauses, his eyes holding yours with that steady, unwavering calm. “we might not be close, but this baby deserves two parents who are trying their best. and maybe…” he hesitates, his voice dropping lower. “maybe this will help us become more than just friends who share stolen glances. more than whatever weird, in-between thing we have.”

a beat.

“shit, do we have to talk about that now?”

he laughs.

“no,” he shrugs. “i’m not in a rush. i’m cool with taking things slow. i have a lifetime with you anyway. also have a feeling you'll be moved in with me in a week or two.”

you roll your eyes and he chuckles.

then, you’re silent for a moment, processing the vulnerability he’s showing, the way he’s extending himself for both you and the baby.

“okay,” you finally say. “i’ll call more. i’ll update you on everything. breakfast and prenatals and all.”

yoongi snickers at you. “... and when we’re finally living together… we’ll figure out a routine that works for both of us. we’ll make it as easy as possible… for all three of us.”

before you know it, you launch yourself at him.

you wrap your arms around his neck and he wraps his around your torso, returning the hug without hesitations. for a moment, it feels safe, like he’s anchoring you to something solid amidst all the uncertainty.

when you pull away, you glance up at him, nerves tightening in your chest.

“can you… stay the night?” you ask, your voice softer than you mean it to be. “i guess that’s what i meant with the pickles and peanut butter.”

yoongi snorts at you.

“i knew it.”

he earns a hit to his chest, but he takes it like a champ. even though he’s teasing you, there’s something so reassuring in the way he says it.

“i'm already in my pajamas... i’ll just use the bathroom real quick. be right back.”

as yoongi makes his way to the bathroom, he flicks on the light and notices the little details of your life scattered around the sink. toothpaste, skincare products, and…

a blue toothbrush placed neatly next to yours.

his heart stumbles at the sight, realization washing over him.

it’s for him.

you had thought about him even in the smallest of ways, planning for him to be here.

what the fuck is his heart supposed to do with this?

it tugs.

it skips a beat.

it races.

it falls for you a little more.

when he returns to your bedroom, he finds you already lying in bed, looking smaller and more vulnerable under the soft glow of the bedside lamp. he hesitates, unsure of how to fit into this space with you. the silence stretches awkwardly between you both as he slips under the covers.

neither of you knows quite how to lie together.

you both fidget, trying not to make it more awkward, until you shift uncomfortably, a small wince escaping your lips.

“ugh,” you mumble, “my back hurts.”

yoongi is at your side instantly. his nonchalant demeanor slipping away as he sits up.

“here, let me help,” he murmurs, carefully guiding you to reposition. his hands are gentle but firm as he encourages you to lie partially against him, your body leaning into his. he wraps his arms around your belly, cradling you and the baby, and nuzzles his face into the curve of your neck. the warmth of his breath sends a small shiver down your spine, but it melts away as you sink into his embrace.

you both stay still, letting the comfort settle in. slowly, the awkwardness ebbs, replaced by a sense of calm as you relax against him.

just as you’re on the edge of sleep, you murmur something faintly.

“yoongi?”

“mhmm?

“injeolmi...” you whisper.

yoongi stirs, confused.

“huh?” he whispers back, trying not to disturb you too much. “are you craving injeolmi? i’ll get you some tomorrow–”

you smile sleepily, eyes already closed.

“no.. our baby looks like injeolmi,” you explain, your words trailing off into drowsiness. “the ultrasound… injeolmi. let’s call our baby injeolmi for now.”

yoongi heart squeezes at the endearing name, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“injeolmi,” he repeats, pressing a soft kiss into your hair. “okay. baby injeolmi it is.”

wrapped in each other’s warmth, you both drift off, with yoongi holding you close. all he thinks about before falling asleep is;

baby injeolmi, you are so loved.

#bts dilf au #bts daddy au #yoongi daddy #yoongi dad au #yoongi x yn #yoongi x reader #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #bts fluff #bts angst #bts scenario #yoongi imagine #yoongi series #yoongi smau #bts smau

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crushmeeren · 2 months ago

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ᝰ DICK THEORIES .ᐟ [ ༝ NARUTO EDITION ༝ ]

⋆ ft. itachi & neji ⋆

master list

༝ ᭝ ༝ itachi ༝ ᭝ ༝ [he’s got a monster hiding in his briefs.]

Itachi’s a sweetheart, even if his cock’s as thick as a coke can.

It’s absolutely a well kept secret. He’s never been one to sleep with tons of people, and, luckily, the other women who’ve managed to fit him are respectful enough not to kiss and tell.

Sure, he’d changed around other men several different times, and he’d visited onsens before, but nobody commented on it. The ones who’d teased him in good nature were his close friends, and that’s only if they managed to catch a peak while he was changing.

The first time you’re tangled in Itachi’s sheets, yanking his briefs down while he looms over you, you’re genuinely shocked at the size of his cock as it bobs free and sticks straight out. Your eyes widen, eyebrows shooting to your hairline, and a brief burst of fear rises to the surface.

Itachi retreats to sit on his calves, worrying at his bottom lip as his features pinch in concern.

“Is it…is it too much, my love?” He asks softly. You reluctantly tear your gaze away from below his pelvis, chest clenching at the unsure expression he now wears.

You push up into a sitting position, reaching out and lightly trace your fingers along the pink, soft, uncut skin of his shaft. You love how his breath catches and his cock twitches. “No, it’s — it’s more than okay, Itachi. It just surprised me is all, I’ve never been with someone so big. It’ll take some work to fit you inside.”

Itachi’s cheeks flush a rosy color, shooting you a shy smile. He places a hand to your chest and pushes gently until your back hits the mattress once again. “I won’t let it hurt, I promise sweetheart. I’ll make you feel so amazing your pretty little head will fill with cotton.”

He goes above and beyond, letting his slender fingers and warm tongue bring you to the edge more than once before he decides you’re ready.

Itachi rocks his hips shallowly, inching himself into your pussy, and a jolt of pain flares up your spine when he’s about halfway. He allows you a few deep breaths before he continues to apply pressure until you’re stuffed full. You whimper, pelvis aching when you shift your weight.

Itachi laces your fingers together and plants them by your head, resting his forehead on yours. “Such a good girl, such a sweet girl, all for me,” he coos.

And when Itachi finally does fully roll his hips, all your thoughts vanish. The all encompassing, pussy splitting stretch is brand new to you, and your orgasm swells to a breaking point within the first few thrusts. The heat is overwhelming and holy. fucking. shit. It’s insanely good.

Itachi’s got you addicted to his cock before the night ends.

༝ ᭝ ༝ neji ༝ ᭝ ༝ [he’s the perfect size.]

Neji’s cock is the perfect amount of thick, but he’s a bit longer than average. It’s the kind of dick that you’d happily beg for over and over, because it’s incredible.

He is, however, a bit more stuck up when it comes to sex. So much like Itachi, you’re not privy to what his dick is like before you get in his bed. Any other girl he’s slept with has kept their lips sealed in fear of Neji’s wrath should they gossip about him.

Despite how it irritates you, you get it. You wouldn’t want to be on the bad side of the Hyuga clan either.

The first time you have sex with Neji, you’re relieved at the sight of his dick, as odd as that may be. You were a tiny bit worried he’d be too small, but he’s not at all.

Neji wears a smug smile when you voice your thoughts, lids lowering as your fingers curl around the base of his cock, stroking him slowly.

“I take it you’re pleased with what you see, pretty girl?” Neji pushes your thighs apart and settles in between them as he speaks, hands finding your hips and yanking until your ass rests on the tops of his thighs.

Your breath catches at the harsh movement, fisting the sheets to steady yourself. “Definitely,” you murmur distractedly, staring with no small amount of heat at the way Neji’s cock curves up towards his belly.

You tuck away the desire to suck him off for another time.

Neji laughs in amusement, readjusting his stance and tilting your hips up until he’s able to line himself up with you. He slides in with such ease, pussy fitting him like a glove. Neji tilts his head back and moans, sliding his hands up and gripping your waist tightly.

You choke on your next breath, digging your nails into his forearms, eyes wide as you blink up at him. Neji brings his head back up, glancing down to where he’s disappeared, and a low moan spills from his mouth.

Neji’s impatient hips draw back and push forward smoothly, starting slow so you can both savor the hot, slick drag of his cock.

“Feels so good Neji,” you say with a sigh. Pretty purple eyes lock with yours and he bites his lip.

“Want it faster baby?” He asks playfully, picking up the pace until you inhale sharply when he hits your g-spot.

You nod eagerly, the base of your skull digging into the mattress. “Fuck, yes Neji, faster please!”

He pants softly, focusing intently on keeping up the rough pace he’s set. “Anything your heart desires, pretty girl.”

You take Neji’s cock again and again, and then one more time before you both agree to call it quits for the night.

#itachi x reader #itachi uchiha smut #itachi uchiha x reader #itachi smut #neji hyuga x reader #neji x reader #neji hyuga #naruto x reader #naruto smut #itachi x you #itachi headcanons #uchiha itachi x reader #itachi uchiha x you #itachi uchiha

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enha-stars · 11 months ago

Text

✧ let me take care of you

pairing: soft!heeseung x reader (fluff, smut)

summary: you have a bad day and all heeseung wants is to take care of you, and well, you let him

warnings: crying, minor angst if you squint, swearing, fingering (f), kissing, sex, mdni

you gripped your keys, staring at the front door of your apartment. you don’t really remember how you got home or the elevator ride up to your home but none of that mattered. you were finally home and exhausted.

you were having a bad day. a really, really bad day. everything had been going wrong the moment you entered the office in the morning and you had enough. you had cried before leaving and were on the verge of tears now.

quietly, you inserted the key in the lock and turned, that small satisfying click was music to your ears. slowly, you pushed open the door and made your way inside, dropping your bag at the door. you sighed in relief and kicked off your shoes.

your body ached and your head throbbed, and you wanted to burn the clothes you were wearing. someone had spilled warm coffee all over your lap and you didn’t have any extra clothes so you had spent the whole day in sticky, coffee stained pants.

silently, you shuffled to the sofa and sank down. you just sat there, your back pressed into the soft back as you stared at the wall. you were so tired, so exhausted. you wanted to call out to your boyfriend, knowing he was most likely in your joined bedroom but your lips wobbled so you said nothing.

heeseung stopped typing when he heard the front door open and shut his laptop at the silence that followed. he got off the bed, throwing his laptop on the table as he made his way to the family room. you should be home by now.

heeseung paused at the entrance, staring at your unmoving body. his eyebrows furrowed as he assessed the situation. he glanced at the door and found your bag and shoes discarded on the side. he glanced back at you; at your tear-stained face and dark under eyes and he knew.

sighing, heeseung walked to you. he hated it when you had a bad day. “love, you’re home.” his heart broke when you simply looked up at him, eyes wide with unshed tears. he dropped to his knees in front of you, a frown on his lips. he rested his hands on your thighs and pressed his chest against your knees.

“tough day, baby?” his frown deepened when you nodded. you weren’t often like this. usually, when you had bad days, you were quiet and slightly angry. but heeseung knew it must have been a very bad day if you couldn’t even speak about it.

heeseung nodded and stood up. without saying anything, he slipped an arm under your knees and behind your back and lifted you up, deciding that you’d be more comfortable in your bed. you shut your eyes as you pressed your face into his neck.

all you wanted was heeseung to lay with you; to hold you until you couldn’t remember today.

heeseung mumbled sweet nothings to you as he walked down the hall and gently kicked the bedroom door open. he sat you down on the bed and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i got you, baby.” you blinked up at him as he brushed your hair from your face. you watched as he walked to the bathroom and filled the tumb with warm water before grabbing one of his bigger shirts from his drawer and walking over to you.

he tapped your thigh and you spread your legs, letting him stand in between them. with gentle, soft hands, he took out your claw clip and massaged your head before setting the clip on top of his laptop. then, he began unbuttoning your blouse. eyes focused solely on the buttons. once he slipped the shirt off your shoulders, he unclasped your bra. he didn’t pay attention to how your nipples perked up in the cold air.

he stepped back and unbuttoned your pants. you winced when he pulled them down, the fabric rubbing against your burn. heeseung eyes widened at your painful gasp and he dropped his gaze to the redness on your thighs.

immediately, he dropped to his knees, his face hovering near the burn as his fingers twitched at your sides. “baby, what is this?” he glanced up at you, eyes filled with concern. “what happened?”

you looked down at the burn, wishing you had done something at the time to prevent the redness. “someone spilled their coffee all over my lap.” your voice was quiet, hoarse. your eyes connected with heeseung’s wide ones and you bit your bottom lip, trying not to cry.

heeseung’s heart broke even further as he frowned. he was angry, angry at the fucker who spilled their coffee on you but he was more concerned about your pain. he pressed a soft kiss to your knee before he linked his thumbs in the waistband of your underwear and pulled down, careful to raise the fabric so it wouldn’t brush against your skin.

once you were naked, heeseung stood and picked you up once again, taking you to the bathroom. part of you wanted to be embarrassed. you wanted to be able to walk on your own, to use your words, but a bigger, tired part of you just wanted to be taken care of like this.

heeseung sat down on the edge of the tub, holding you in his lap as he touched the water. he poured some of your favourite scented soap in the water before gently putting you in the water. you winced when the warm water touched your burns but soon sighed in relief. your head fell back as your muscles relaxed in the water, having been tense the whole day.

heeseung sat at the ledge, watching you with nothing but fondness in his eyes. you opened your eyes and looked back at him, smiling at him for the first time since you’ve been home. you wanted to ask him to join you but he was quicker. he quickly took off his pajama bottoms, leaving him in his boxers.

“lift your head, baby.” you lifted your head and moved your body as he stepped into the tub and sat at the ledge where you had been resting your head.

now, heeseung was sitting outside of the tub and you sat in between his legs, inside the tub. you laid your head back into his lap and sighed at the closeness. you closed your eyes and heeseung cupped water in his hands and wet your hair. you only opened them when he began to gently massage your head with soap.

unconsciously, heeseung began humming as he shampooed your hair. you focused on his soft voice, unable to control the tears that escaped your eyes.

once heeseung was done combing his fingers through your hair, he filled the bucket next to him with warm water and rinsed your hair, scrubbing all the soap out. he didn’t notice your tears, his own humming drowning out your rapid breathing.

once your hair had been rinsed, he laid your head on his lap and frowned at your pout. gently, he swiped his thumb under your eyes and pursed his lips at the tears. as much as he wanted to distract you from crying, he knew you needed this. so, as you cry, he massages your shoulders and neck. his hands working at the knots in your muscles, hating how tense they are.

after a few minutes, your body runs out of tears and you focus on heeseung’s hands. they’re soft yet firm as they press down on your skin. you let out a quiet moan when he pressed down on the space between your neck and shoulder and he smiles, glad to release some of your tension.

heeseung wiggles his toes in the water when the water cools down, no longer a comfortable temperature. he gently lifts your head as he steps out of the tub, grabbing two towels. without him asking, you slowly stand up. he smiles at you as he offers you his hand. you grab it and step out of the tub, right onto the grey mat.

although heeseung knows you’re fully capable of it, he uses the towel to dry your body. he dries your arms before traveling down your body, gently patting your thighs before rubbing down your shins. at the sight, you can feel warmth spread through your core. then, he wraps your body in the towel. he grabs the other towel and dries your hair before wrapping your hair in the towel.

you smile at him and he beams down at you, pressing a kiss to your cheek. you reach over and hand him another towel and his smile turns bashful as you watch him dry his legs. heeseung grabs your hand and motions you out of the bedroom. you follow him and sit on the bed, watching as he takes off his underwear. at the sight of his cock, your mouth waters. you press your thighs together, ignoring the slight pain. heeseung doesn’t notice as he pulls his pajama bottoms back on.

you watch him with dark eyes as he walks to you. he unwraps the towel from your hair, massaging your scalp with it a few times before laying it beside you.

“lift your arms, baby.” you do as he says and he slips his shirt on you, pulling off the towel. he leaves you on the bed as he hangs the towels in the bathroom and puts your clothes in the laundry.

when he’s back, you can only stare at him. your eyes glance at the clock and they widen. “seung,” you whisper. heeseung can’t even explain how good it feels to have you say his name. his heart squeezes in his chest. he steps closer to you. “what about the movie? we should get going.”

you and heeseung were supposed to go out today. a new studio ghibli movie had come out and heeseung had really wanted to see it. although you were in no mood, you would go if he wanted too.

heeseung blinks at you before he cups your face with his hand, his thumb grazing your bottom lip. “fuck the movie, baby. you’re way more important.” you try your best not to let your eyes water at his words. “tell me what i can do. do you want to sleep? or shall i make you something to eat?”

your frown deepens and heeseung wants to kiss you so badly but he just continues pressing down on your bottom lip. “but–” heeseung shakes his head, knowing what you were going to say. you say it anyways. “you really wanted to watch the movie.”

heeseung sighs before he crouches down, matching eye level with you. he uses his other hand to cup the other side of your face before he presses his forehead against yours. “you are more important than some movie, my love. how can i watch a movie when you’re upset?” he kisses your nose. “all i want is to make you feel better. offer you comfort any way i can.”

you shut your eyes at his words, unable to handle the tensity of his gaze; filled with so much love and affection. you nodded once before you opened your eyes. “will you lay with me? i just want you to hold me.”

heeseung smiles before nodding. he stands up and as you crawl further into bed, he pulls off his shirt. he knows that you always prefer laying with him while he’s shirtless because he runs extremely warm. you find comfort in his warmth; skin to skin in a non-intimate way.

heeseung crawls into bed and gathers you in his arms. you lay facing him as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you in. you lay one hand flat on his chest while the other is thrown over his waist. his legs tangle with yours and you nuzzle your face into his neck.

he rubs your back soothingly as you breathe him in. “do you wanna talk about it, baby?”

you don’t say anything as you think about it. you didn’t really want to talk about it, but communication was important to both of you. you knew that if you were in heeseung’s position, you would want him to say something.

“i’m just so fucking exhausted, hee.” you mumble against his chest. he kisses your forehead as he listens, wishing he could remove everything unpleasant from your life. “nothing went right today and it was all too much.” his fingers traced small patterns on your back.

“i’m sorry, love,” he whispers. his breath tickles your ears and you sigh into him, clinging. “that sounds awful.�� heeseung genuinely meant it. it took a lot to make you upset, being someone who always looked at the positive side of things. he wanted to squeeze all the negativity out of your body, willing to carry it all himself if it meant you would smile up at him.

you nodded as you shut your eyes. this was all you thought about all day; laying in bed with him, his strong arms around you. knowing he would take care of you, even if you didn’t deserve it. you loved him so much.

you and heeseung lay together, your eyes shut as he rubs your back, whispering sweet words of encouragement every now and then. you want to fall asleep, but you can’t. even though you’re exhausted, you can’t seem to drift off.

frustrated, you shift your hips, trying to find a better position and whimper when heeseung’s bulge rubs against your bare pussy. heeseung’s eyes fly open and he tightens his hold on you.

“baby?” he looks down at you and his eyes widen when he stares down at your watery, tired eyes. “what is it, love?”

you rub your pussy against his clothed dick and whimper at the feeling. heeseung watches as you squeeze your eyes close at the feeling and suddenly, he understands. when heeseung has a bad day, nothing makes him feel better than being inside you. he now knows that you’re the same.

he kisses your forehead and cheek before he grabs your chin and makes you look up at him. “do you want me, baby?” he nudges your nose with his. “hm? want me to fill you up?” he should have realized that this is what you wanted. your nails were digging into him, wanting to be as close to him as you could be.

you nodded, eyes wide. heeseung usually liked to tease you, but right now, all he wanted was to make you feel better. nothing was more important than taking care of you. “please,” you say.

heeseung smiles and kisses you, lips pressing against yours messily. as he kisses you, his hand travel down your waist, mindful of your burns. he slips his hand in between your legs, his thumb pressing against your pussy. “fuck, baby,” he whispered against your mouth. “you’re already so wet.” he rubs your pussy with his thumb before pressing down on your clit, swallowing your moan.

he coats his fingers in your slick before slipping a finger in, his rough skin caressing your gummy walls, reaching deep within you. when you moan, heeseung begins kissing your neck, sucking and nibbling. you press your forehead against his neck, sucking on his adam’s apple when he slips another finger in, and then another. the three fingers inside you worked fast, curling and pumping.

heeseung kisses you everywhere he can. he presses open mouth kisses to your neck and chin and then kissed your lips, tongues pressed together. your body began to shake and he knew you were close. you were squeezing around his fingers and he rubbed your clit with his thumb.

“that’s it, love,” he encouraged. he kissed your forehead and then your eyelids. “cum for me. let go, baby.” you moaned out his name as you cummed, nails digging into his back as he made you ride out your orgasm on his fingers.

he whispered quiet praises in your ear, pressing his lips against the side of your head. “such a good girl, that’s it.” once you began panting, he slowly removed his fingers and brought them to his lips.

you watched with blurry eyes as he licked his fingers clean, sucking off all your juices as he stared at you, nothing but love in his eyes. “you did amazing, baby.”

at this, you smiled and heeseung felt like the luckiest man in the world. his own eyes crinkled and he kissed you, ignoring your whimper as you tasted yourself on his tongue.

kissing you hungrily, heeseung used one hand to pull his pajamas down. you felt his tip graze your pussy and you jerked into him, sensitive. he slid himself against your pussy, using your juices to wet his dick.

“i got you, baby.” he whispered into your mouth. he lines himself with your entrance and slowly pushes in, your slick making it easy for him. you silently gasp as he stretches you, welcoming the feeling. heeseung whimpers as your pussy sucks him in and he moans into your neck when he bottoms out.

that’s how you lay for a few minutes; holding each other as his dick fills you up, connecting you both at the most intimate level. you kiss heeseung’s neck, needing more friction. “move, hee. please.”

heeseung nods, eyes squeezed shut as he slowly begins rocking his hips back and forth. you both moan as he fucks you slowly, filling you up just the way you wanted. once he’s fully in you, you squeeze around his dick and he whimpers, eyes opening. you grind on his dick and he can only bite his lip as you use his dick for your own pleasure.

and he lets you. he doesn’t move as you continue to grind on his cock, wanting your pleasure to come first. he holds himself back when you slowly start to move on his dick, knowing that it belonged to you more than it did him.

the sight of you trying to get yourself off on his cock is enough to push him over the edge. he’s sweaty and his eyes are blurry, and he is so in love with you. he hopes you never have a bad day again but if you do, he wants you to use him like this. when you open your eyes and look at him, he can’t help but kiss you.

“please, seungie.” you beg. “make me cum.”

hearing your words, heeseung loses control. he begins rocking his hips back and forth, pulling out completely and then pushing in, deep enough to feel himself in your stomach. you’re whimpering and gasping, and then you’re squeezing around him and he’s unraveling.

“i’m cumming,” you sniffle. “seung, please. i’m–”

heeseung slams into you, fucking you harder. he presses his face against your head as he pants. “cum for me, love.” his cock twitches and when he feels your cum soak his dick, he lets go. he continues fucking you as he cums, unable to stop.

you press yourself further into him, body sweaty and warm as his dick fucks his cum into you. you pull at his hair when you begin to feel overstimulated, but heeseung doesn’t stop. he rocks his hips into you until you’re both on the verge of tears.

once he’s stopped cumming, his muscles relax and he holds you tighter, kissing your forehead. he tries to move but you’ve caged him with your arms and legs. you look up at him and smile so widely he swears he could cum again.

“stay in me, seung. just wanna feel you.”

heeseung presses his lips against yours softly and keeps his dick in you. “whatever you want, princess.” he wanted to clean you up, wipe the stickiness from your legs and put some ointment on your thighs, but he would have to wait. right now, you needed him inside you, beside you.

you slightly adjust yourself and rest your head in his neck as he rests his on your head. he rubs your back, tracing small hearts on your shoulder until he hears your soft snores.

he smiles at you before kissing your forehead, tightening his hold on you before he drifts off to sleep. his cock still in you, keeping you warm and full and happy.

a/n: i love soft hee so much. there isn't enough of him on here. also, this one is for @karinasbaby because she is everything to me and appreicates soft hee as much as i do. also this was meant to be short but i got carried away 🤭

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lxdymoon0357 · 5 months ago

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I’m seeing requests are open, craving Callisto (from Death is the only ending for the Villainess or Villains are destined to die) X reader. Prompt; they are in a relationship for years, and it’s healthy as it can be, and in healthy relationships arguments are bound to happen no? One day they have an argument that escalates so much that the reader cries, and this is the first time that Callisto witnesses them cry ever. Feel free to range this from tears sliding down the cheeks or full on bawling, but how would Callisto react to seeing his beloved cry for the very first time in an argument in a relationship they have been in for years?

(Okay, now I'm too sure if this came out well....But it's pretty short, kinda upset about that)

The heart tears apart...

...They say guilt is like rust- it is slow...but powerful and it eats the person alive...How was Callisto suppose to realize that saying was true until your cries fell on deaf ears...? This was not what he thought was result in tonight's anger...And it was all his fault...

He had been upset all day after someone spoke ill of your relationship, saying you're too good for him or he's too wild or he's not deserving of it...He's proud of his achievements, including achieving your love, but sometimes when chronic words are repeated...

They're like tiny pebbles, they don't hurt but there is one stone once in a while which when thrown bleeds into the skin...and that's what happens with vile words of stupid nobles who speak the same thing over and over again...Suddenly he didn't like your relationship for a second, not because of you...Because of himself, he felt angry as his mind spoke that he was tying you down, that he was not worthy of this and that there was someone better for you...

"WHAT DON'T YOU REALIZE, IT'S YOUR UTTER FAULT THAT I DON'T LIKE BEING WITH YOU ANYMORE?!" He yelled angrily, his eyes seeing red

......Was that really him? The one who fell down on his knees in a dying breath when he was away form you for too long, and Callisto didn't realize what he said until it fell in your ears and tears slipped down your cheeks..

Those eyes whom he always wanted to be filled with happiness, the same face he wanted to glow with beauty, smiles and laughter were now covered in tears because of him and suddenly inside him broke as he stopped in between his words, frozen..

You staring down on the ground with tears down your cheeks as he stopped his words, absolutely torn apart,

"Baby-I...I."

he couldn't say anything as he walked closer, he had never seen you cry and he knows why he doesn't let you even cry cause the sight was mentally painful to make him cry on his own as he walked a bit close, taking a hold of your wrist of the hand you were using to rub your eyes harshly to wipe the tears away.

You tried to pull away, but his grip on your wrist was tight as he pulled you in a tight hug, hiding your face in his chest, letting your cry ins expensive tuxedo, inhaling his cologne to calm yourself, clinging to him...

You would have never expected an argument to end with this, as he gently cried in your neck as he sat down and picked you up, pulling him on your lap, apologizing over and over in your skin.

You can't deny, it felt bad...but seeing him upset felt even worse, as you softly ran your fingers through his golden-blonde hair, as if threaded with the purest gold in this world...with the shine of a sun, such a bright smile he had..how sad most people couldn't see it, you did...it was gorgeous and so his sadness hurts just as bad as his anger..

You softly pulled his face up and kissed him, maybe you'll try to fix this again, how gorgeous he was..you couldn't deny his love...and you didn't mind his anger directed at you, even if heart tears apart, he fixed it with all he had..

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ch3rrybbie · 24 days ago

Note

Homelander is so “please please please” coded except even if it’s him doing the wrongs he’d also be the one begging her LMAOOO (this is a fem reader request<3)

Please,please,please.

Part 2

Homelander x fem!reader

Warnings: stormfront🤢,angst,cheating?,violence,sexual mentions, Homelander is down BAD for reader lolll

Note from author: I love your mind anon hope you enjoy🫣 made reader not a supe as I feel like it’s even better he’s simping for someone he’d otherwise look down on heheh

———

He is pathetic.

You’d been ignoring him which was extremely hard to do considering his sheer influence not to mention his powers. He was the world’s biggest superhero and here he was on his knees for you. Eyes glossy and red and a face as pleading as you’d ever seen.

I mean getting caught having stormfront as his new supe wifey was your last straw. You understood the arrangement and even loved it you could just be together be yourselves you saw the true him and not “the Homelander”.

But this wasn’t what you agreed to.

———

He’d been more erratic than usual, instead of dressing up like a civilian (let’s be real he throws on a vought baseball cap) and going on your usual dates he came up with a “fun idea” to just stay inside. You relented, but after days of fucking and takeouts cabin fever set in. He thought if he could keep you from vought news and your phone you wouldn’t find out. That if he touched you in the right ways you’d melt into his plan.

It was a good thing vought didn’t pay him for thinking.

“Fuck” you muttered as you turned off the plug socket of for the third time, looks like you’d have to go buy a new charger tomorrow. You feel pure muscle wrap around your waist as he hides his head in the crook of your neck.

“what’s wrong baby?” he kisses into your neck and starts caressing your waist.

“Ugh my charger it’s broken, I’ll get a new one tomorrow” you sigh.

He freezes.

Through the mirror that watches you on the wall you see cogs turning in his head, somethings up.

“You don’t need a phone, you have me” he pouts. “Plus this is good for you, all that junk rotting that pretty head”

You huff as he continues,his hands ghost across the your stomach that is taught with anticipation.

“In fact, come back to bed and I’ll clear that pretty little head of yours” he smirks cunningly.

His hand begins to play with the band of your joggers.

You snap out of the haze he’s attempting to throw you in and turn towards him.

“I don’t think it’s my head that needs clearing, tell me what’s going on”.

It’s his turn to throw a tantrum now.

“Y/N you’re being ridiculous what could possibly be wrong?! We’ve been having a lovely week away from the world!” He whines, hands waving around maniacally.

Your eyes narrow as it clicks, “what have you done?” You sigh.

You knew him too well.

He enveloped yet again eyes boring into you, hands clenched around your waist.

“Nothing baby, I just want us to keep having a lovely time in here and not out there with liars and fools who want to tear us apart” he laments.

You quirked a brow unimpressed.

“How about I go get some delicious Vought snacks for us to watch one of my movies with huh?”, he winks.

A great sigh left you and you relented, you’d appease whatever was going on.

Only issue was he made the mistake of leaving the TV remote.

So 10 minutes later and one Vought broadcast, here you were storming out of his apartment at the top of Vought tower.

Deep in self berating you bumped straight into Ashley.

“Oh Y/N lovely to see you where’s Homelander he needs to sign-“

You cut off her fake smile.

“Cut the shit Ashley, you tell that egotistical maniac that if I ever see him again I will fuck him up”

You turn to the elevator cringing, how the hell would you fuck up the worlds strongest supe?!

And how did you not realise all the promos inside the building of him and stormfront???

He flew you up.

You hit the first floor with all you might, tuning out his distant shouts.

———

I’d been days and your apartment was filled with expensive bouquets. His pathetic apology notes piled on your coffee table were marbled with your tears.

You missed him.

You missed late night conversations under the sheets. Feeling safe with him. Fucking him. Him doing anything to make you laugh.

Him.

He’d been at your door almost everyday and didn’t smash through it so bonus points for him, you’d supposed cynically.

You’d even had Billy Butcher and co turn up begging you to join and give them knowledge. The flowers came in handy as you hurled them until all was left was a trajectory of petals in the direction of your door.

———

Your phone rang with an unknown number, fuck it.

“What?” You sighed.

“Y/N it’s Ashley listen he’s coming over” she gasped down the phone.

“That’s not news he does this-“ you sighed.

She cuts you off panicked, “No he’s coming in this time Y/N, he seemed upset you need to leave”.

In all your time with him you’d never been worried about him hurting you no matter what.

You swallowed that sick seed of doubt down and waited for him.

———

The soft thwack of his landing made you leap from your sofa. You sank back down after remembering why he was here.

You longed for him to just sweep you up in his arms and hold you, kiss you, love you as he did so well. You used to love watching him land and stand tall, chest puffed out waiting for you to let him in.

He gently broke the door ignoring the lock that fell to the floor.

His hair was disheveled, eyes bloodshot and watery. He rushed to you clutching your elbows and shrinking in stature.

“Please baby, please please please” he begged.

You huffed turning your head looking anywhere but him a lump lodging in your throat.

He was breaking your heart.

Suddenly his eyes were lined with yours and he somehow halved in stature seeing your hurt.

“I had no choice!” he exclaims, hands dropping from you.

You stand and go to speak yet the words get stuck and dissolve like sour candy.

Hands gliding towards you, he cups your face eyes urging you to speak.

You can’t hold back the tears as sobs wrack your body you could still see so clearly the man you loved.

“Please honey, please let me back in, please tell me what I can do to fix this” he poured these sweet offering upon the altar of your heart and sank to his knees- the deepest of devotees.

He looked up pleadingly, patheticly.

You were his Goddess and sometimes they could be cruel mistresses.

A cold gust of a laugh lit from behind your tears as you sought to push him away.

“Kill her, kill that fucking cunt stormfront” you spat venomously. You weren’t serious but you wanted to hurt him, knowing he’d never do such a thing. To kill a supe for you a mere mortal. As much as his heart was yours, you as all humans were to him were replaceable.

Eyebrows taught mouth hanging open he takes you in, he’d never know you to be this cruel- Godlike.

You could’ve been a supe in that moment, you should’ve been. He starts to grow hard at the thought of you in a supe suit, as powerful as him.

He smiles sickly sweet, rising like a knight in shining armour and licks his lips to yours.

Drawing back he once again grips your face, hard.

Eyes boring into yours he offers a sweet prayer to you.

“Anything” he whispers like an amen.

He is gone as soon as he came.

———

Smutty part 2?🫣😉

Edit: part 2 can be read here

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lovegalor333 · 2 months ago

Text

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

im here

summary: you’re having a bad day so you call paige to come over so you’re not alone

content warnings: talks of depression

Most of your days were good now. You could get up in the morning, make breakfast, go to classes, study, eat and shower without any problems. But every now and then your brain reminds you that it has a chemical imbalance and you feel paralysed. Today was one of those days. Everything felt like a task that you couldn’t bring yourself to complete and that’s why it was 3PM and you still hadn’t moved from your bed.

You had woken up this morning with a familiar sinking feeling in your stomach and you knew immediately that today was not going to be a good day. You had tried to get up and push through but you physically couldn’t, it was as if you were chained in place.

Your thoughts were dark and overwhelming and you didn’t know how to handle them. You’re mind was telling you the most evil things and you believed it. You believed no one cared about you, you believed you were a burden, you believed you were better off dead. Even after years of battling with depression it was so hard for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Your friends knew that you struggled and they always said you could go to them when things got bad, talk them, you weren’t alone, but you hated admitting defeat, you hated putting your problems on them. It made you feel weak, like a baby but you needed someone right now, you needed to be held and told everything was going to be OK so you called the one person you knew would be here in a heartbeat.

No less than fifteen minutes after the phone call, there was a knock at your door and it took everything inside of you to peel yourself out of bed to answer it.

“Bad day?” Paige asks emphatically as you opened the door to her. It looked like she had just come from a workout, clad in her UConn gear, hair bundled into a low bun at the base of her neck.

“Something like that.” You mummble in response as she steps into your apartment.

“Did something happen?” She makes herself comfortable on your couch which wasn’t out of the ordinary, Paige was a regular visitor to your place and had been since you first met in your freshman year.

“Just my stupid brain. I can’t take it anymore, it’s never ending.” You huff, feeling your eyes prickle with tears, “It’s exhausting.” You add and the tears begin to spill out.

“Y/N, come here.” Paige beckoned, tapping the space beside her.

Your steps towards her are small and slow, it’s all you can manage, if you moved any faster you might just drop to the ground and never get up.

You sit beside Paige and her arm immediately wraps around you in a warm embrace, whenever she hugged you, you felt safe and today was no different. She held you for a few moments in silence just letting you cry into her shoulder.

“I hate seeing you cry. It doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’re going to be OK, Y/N. You’re the strongest girl I know and you’ll get through this. These feelings are just temporary.” She consoles softly and you look up at her and even through your teary gaze, her face is radiant and glowing and her eyes are soft and comforting as they look back at you.

“Thank you for coming.” You sniffle, wiping your cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater, “I didn’t want to be alone.”

“I’m here and I’ll always be here, whenever you need me.” She tells you and her hand comes up to wipe a stray tear and it lingers on your cheekbone for longer than usual and your stomach flutters at the feeling.

Nothing had ever happened between you and Paige, you were just friends, really good friends and you didn’t want anything to ruin that.

Paige clears her throat as her hand drops to her lap, “How about a movie?” She suggests giving you a small smile, “I’ll even watch Harry Potter.” She says knowing that it’s your all time favourite film. She usually refuses to watch it, claiming she ‘hates’ it but you’re starting to think different.

“Really?” You ask taken aback at her suggestion.

“Yes, come on.” She stands up and holds out her hand for you to take and you hesitate a little because you never held hands but something felt different today and as you slip you hand into hers, she squeezed it slightly and your stomach flutters for the second time at your friends touch.

You get comfortable on your bed, gathering blankets and pillows while Paige flicks through Netflix in seach of the movie. You watch her intently from behind, her tall frame stood in front of you, toned legs slightly apart, her arms are crossed in front of her so her biceps are flexed perfectly and maybe it’s the low lighting of your room and the way it makes her skin look soft and smooth or maybe it’s your sadness induced state but you want to touch her, you want to feel your skin on hers.

“Paige…” You break the silence nervously considering your next words.

“Uh huh.” She responds turning her to look at you over her shoulder.

“Come here for a second.” You say shuffling yourself to the edge of the bed.

“What’s up?” She asks, coming over and sitting beside you, the bed sinking down under her weight.

You don’t actually know why you called her over and you couldn’t exactly say ‘I just wanted you close’, she’d think you were crazy so you wrap your arms around her in a tight hug and she doesn’t question it, she just hugs you back, her head falling into the crook of your neck. Her scent is sweet and vanilla-y and her arms are strong around your torso and your head begins to spin, “Kiss me.” You blurt out without thinking and you feel Paige tense around you.

“What?” She stutters, pulling away to look into your eyes.

You refuse to look at her, embarrassed at your desperation, “Um- nothing. Sorry, just put the movie on.” You say trying to move away from her but she still has her arms around you and she doesn’t let go.

“No, Y/N. Don’t apologise. I’m just- I don’t know, shocked.” She admits and you could be sick there and then, you’ve ruined everything with someone who cared about you deeply.

“I don’t know why I said that. Ignore me.” You mutter, eyes focused on your lap.

“Please look at me.” Paige urged, bringing one of her hands to lift your face.

Her blue eyes were beautiful and you felt stupid as you looked into them, someone like Paige wouldn’t dream of kissing you.

“I never imagined this was how it would go.” Paige utters, both hands now on your face, holding you delicately.

“What?” You ask stunned.

Paige had imagined you kissing?

“I always imagined I would initiate our first kiss.” She admits, cheeks flushing a light shade of pink.

“You want to kiss me?”

“Y/N, I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while.” Your heart skips a beat at her confession.

“What’s stopping you.” You whisper, leaning your face closer to Paiges and that does it, in a flash her lips are on yours and yours eyes flutter shut at the feeling you’ve unconsciously craved for so long.

Her lips are soft and subtle just as you imagined, she tasted like fresh mint and as one hand stayed on your face, the other explored your body, trailing down your arm and then your back, you felt like you were floating.

Your hands did some exploring of their own, starting at Paiges waist and making their way up to her chest where they rested for a moment before sliding onto her arms, your fingers finally getting a touch of her skin.

The smile on both your faces was cheesy to say the least as you both pulled away, slightly breathless.

“That was…” She begins but trails off.

“Yeah…” You reply, equally as lost for words as the blonde girl in front of you.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

a/n: i love soft paige 🥺🥺

#paige bueckers #lgbtq #uconn wbb #wcbb #wlw #paige bueckers imagine #oneshot #imagine #fanfic #lesbian #friends to lovers #first kiss #lovegalor333

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spiceofvy · 3 months ago

Note

can you do fights with skz?

Fights with SKZ

cw: gender neutral reader, sfw, angst with (mostly) happy endings, lots of tears and anger, bad communication (minho, hyunjin, seungmin), anxiety (changbin, hyunjin, jisung), minho and hyunjin are kinda toxic in this one but they are not doing it on purpose, implied anger issues (chan), minho's is kinda open ended, one olivia rodrigo quote, most of them are more comfort than hurt though, very flowery language here and there

For Chan fighting is always a war against himself, against the anger that used to embrace him like a lover but now only clings to him like the cologne of an unwanted ex. Coming back to him again and again, clawing at his skin, scratching him up from the inside. He hates the anger that used to define him and still sometimes overcomes him. He hates the person he becomes when his anger wins against his brain. So he goes to war against himself, swallowing it down, ridding his mind of every trace of it. He takes your hand, holds it so tight, reminding himself of who is standing in front of him, what this is really about. Your relationship, and so instead of getting angry he talks it out, slowly, with many breaks in between sentences. Getting energy to keep going from the way you squeeze his hand whenever it gets hard for him. But it gets better. After a fight he needs a hug, or a whole night of them. Grounding him first before pulling him back up for air. He longs for a hand in his hair, soothing the ocean of emotions inside him. He wants to break the cycle of anger that haunts him since his childhood, but he needs time to do so, and someone that loves him, so he is not scared of falling. Please, tell him that you are proud of how he handles his anger, he is so scared of losing you because of it.

Minho fights like a cat. And I don't mean that as a joke. Cats know to aim for the eyes, the ears, the neck. Pushing their enemies on to their backs so that they can freely hit the soft stomach. Cats hiss and yowl when fighting, clawing deeper and deeper into the fur of their enemy, until they taste blood and their enemy goes limp. And Minho is like this too. Not physical, he would never touch you in anger, but still his tongue is as sharp as claws and his words hold onto you like a cat's teeth would. It's not pretty, it's not nice. It's terrible. Fights with MInho are loud, and mean. He doesn't want to be mean. He is not a mean person. But when he is so deep in his emotions, the only way he knows to protect himself, is by fighting. The best thing you can do is to leave. Go away. Let him burn off his anger, until he realizes that his words hit you where it hurts the most. When you return, he will be the one on his back, showing his soft side to you. Hurting himself with every word that he used against you. Breaking apart at the thought of causing you pain. Of pushing you away for good. The fear that you may leave him for good clouding his mind. You can talk through this, you two are stronger than this. He can be better than this. If only you stay with him.

When Changbing fights, he is ridden with fear. What if this is the fight to end it all? What if this time you finally decide that you are finished with him? Why wouldn't you leave him, when he is always so busy, always leaving you alone. Fights with Changbin always turn into something deeper. No matter what the fight was about originally, the fear that this will be the end of you two eats him alive. In his brain he is so easy to be left, it's so hard to love him, so why should you keep doing it? Why would you keep trying? This leads to him trying to end fights quickly and quietly. Sitting down, next to each other, his hand holding yours. Playing with your fingers, even if you are still angry. He speaks softly, kindly. Communicating his feelings in a fair and open way. His skin is warm on yours. Eyes kind when you in turn explain how you feel. He won't interrupt you once. Wiping your tears away, you int tun wiping his cupping his face. When slowly the anger turns to conversations, healthy conversations, unfolding deeply rooted fears, loneliness, growing stronger right next to each other. At one point he can help but smile, being so proud of how strong you become, how he can watch you grow. You end up cuddled up, hands still holding onto each other. Stronger than before. And Changbins fear being forgotten, and should it rear its ugly head again, it is much smaller than before.

Hyunjin always needed to protect himself. The world was never kind to him. Every nice act towards him was followed by darker thoughts. He knows what people think of him, what they call him behind his back. That they only want his pretty face and his emotions don't matter. Or if they do, they are what makes him imperfect, unlovable. Noone cares about a soft artistic soul, if they can't profit off of it. Can't profit off of him. Who is he if not exploited? Nothing. No one. He knows that so he turns his back to you. Closes the door to the atelier behind him. Turning up the music, painting in blues and in grays. Dark smudges on canvas. He likes to believe that that's how he protects his own heart. But deep down this is also how he protects yours from him. His words are sometimes too sharp, his eyes too cold, a quirk of an eyebrow tells stories. And it hurts you. The roll of his eyes, that he didn't even notice could break your heart. Maybe he is the ice prince. Maybe he is too cold to touch. Maybe everyone around him gets frost burned. But please not you. You are his warmth, please don't leave him, just because he had to get cold to protect his softness. Icy white mixes on his canvas, and he feels himself shiver in his atelier. Already regretting that he left you alone. But it's better to be alone than freezing in his cold. The more surprised he is when warmth enters his atmosphere. Hugging him from behind. Melting his ice. You should talk about it. Stop him from leaving the people he loves. But not now. The ice is melting under your skin. Later you can talk, now he just needs to be reminded that being soft together can make someone strong.

Jisung physically can't fight you. He can't. It makes him sick, literally. I'm not talking about little disagreements or just the two of you having different opinions on something. But actual emotional, angry fights. Standing in the living room, hands gesturing, word louder than usual. No. He can't handle it. Jisung is too emotional to have you look at him angry. Because every time he sees your face he just sees how you usually smile at him, how pretty you look when focusing on something, your calm expression when you are asleep. He can't be angry at you, and in turn expects for you to handle your anger too, to talk it out with him instead. If its a less serious fight, he handles it pretty well, he holds up against your emotions easily and lets you blow off steam if needed, before you talk it out. He holds your hand, kisses it every now and then while you loosen the knot of emotions that caused this fight. But if the fight is serious, like endangering your relationship serious, his calmness is gone. And seeing you angry at him almost puts him into a panic mode. He is constantly scared of you just walking out on him, and honestly, just you looking at the door for too long could cause a breakdown. In those moments it's your turn to swallow all this anger and help him unfold the anxiety in his stomach. In these situations there is no taking a step outside to calm down, because once you leave the room, he is sure you will never come back. Relationships are teamwork, and with Jisung, especially. During fights, it's the most obvious. But once the fight is over, it's all forgotten and forgiven. Life can move on, and he can't wait to see you smile again.

Emotions are always a lot for Felix, they overcome him so easily, take him up. Felix feels with his whole body, with every cell. And he loves that about himself, he loves how much he trusts his gut and his emotional reactions to things. It's what makes his world even more beautiful in his eyes. But with him being so acutely aware of his emotions, he also knows to not let the win in complicated situations like the two of you fighting. On the contrary, he tries to bite them back. Instead clearing his mind and opening himself for conversations. Except for tears. Tears that come so easily and unstoppable to him, his most renowned jewelry. He doesn't use them to pressure you, but emotions, if strong enough, always come with tears for him. Happiness, sadness, anger. All those emotions come out in tears, even if he tries to keep his mind calm. But he doesn't mind, he ignores them. He sits down with you, and some tissues, to talk. Not caring about the streaks on his face and instead talking it all out. Because he knows how important it is to talk now, especially in situations of strong emotions. And when it's all talked out, he lets himself cry freely, now happy that he got it all out of his system, and more often than not you join, mostly in relief. The rest of the evening is very calm. He needs to constantly touch you, cuddling close, sleeping extra close next to you now. He would crawl under your skin and would still not be close enough.The next day is skincare day, with the two of you healing your skin, letting it recover from the salt of the shared tears. And tending to any emotional scars with sweets and laughter.

In fights Seungmin explodes in the first minute, and everything after is silence after the storm. He doesn't do it on purpose, he would love to approach fights like Felix or Changbin do, to immediately get a hold of all the strong emotions and just talk things out immediately. Do not let things get this bad between the two of you. But he can't. He will learn to, I promise. But for now his heart is a bomb and the fuse is lit when he sees the anger in your eyes. He isn't mean but he is loud and a fast talker, not letting you get any word in. And he has many build up emotions to spill out from his lips. He is not the best at addressing things that frustrate him as soon as they happen, but instead carries them with him like a cement block hanging off his feet. But when he is finally free of them he stares at the battlefield he just created and his mind is calm. He feels sorry, and regrets what he did. Apologizes for his outburst, asks if you can try to talk it out. He totally gets it if you now need your turn to let your emotions out, he lets you, stands still, listens as you let it all out to. Just to fall into your arms as soon as the both of you are finished. Maybe you don't fix stuff immediately, but this hug patches up the worst wounds for now.

When Jeongin ends up fighting, he needs a break. Not from your relationship, not at all. But of the conversation. He likes to leave the room, to go on a walk, to take a breath, maybe to even scream into nothingness for a second. Everything that keeps him away from you at the height of his emotions. So he can feel everything out without hurting you. He knows how words can sting, how they can bite and hurt. And so he keeps them to himself, lets himself breathe. Let you breathe, think through what just happened. He will return to you, he always will. And then he is ready to talk. First he needs a hug and then you talk. In low almost whispered voices. Kind words, calm words. Hugs, and gentle touches. He likes to talk it all out. Get to the root of the issue, not just the cause of the fight but also everything that came before that. Things of the past, your shared past and the past you had before each other. Then follows silence, a soft gentle silence only broken when at one point you feel ready to smile at each other. Holding hands and joking. The rest of the evening is really slow and quiet and from that point on, happy again. And in the morning you both wake up with a smile. Ready to face the world together.

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golden-cherry · 6 months ago

Text

deal - cl16 (33/?)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Series Summary: Your whole life has gone to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the Monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it’s his apartment.

Chapter Summary: The first encounter after.

Warnings: angst, some fluff

Word Count: 3.2k

series masterlist

previous part

A/N: kisses to all of you. I love you so much. feedback is appreciated!

Although Raphael stood outside your front door in the middle of the night the other night, shouting in the hallway and insulting you, tonight was a lot worse.

You lay awake in bed for hours, tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling in the hope that the explanation for Charles' behavior was written up there. But the only thing you could see was the moonlight shining gently through the window, right on the empty side of the bed.

It felt wrong to lie here alone and have the whole mattress to yourself. You lay as close to the edge of your side of the bed as you could, trying not to breathe in Charles' scent still clinging to the sheets or feel the chill his absence left behind. In such a short time, you got so used to his closeness that you were so cold without it that you had to pull the comforter up to your chin.

But none of this helped you fall asleep or think about anything other than the man you would have loved to have next to you, lying just a few meters away from you in the living room.

You've admitted to yourself that you would do anything for Charles, that you want to be someone for him to hold onto when the ceiling falls in on him, or to push him to be better, even if it costs you your heart. Even though you both emphasized several times that you were just friends - best friends, even - you always carried that little piece of hope with you. And although there had been several moments that dampened the spark, it never fully went out.

Until last night.

Charles seems to have clearly drawn the line of friendship, which you had previously only drawn very gently with a pencil, in thick, dark black.

"All I want from you is your friendship."

There's a huge difference between agreeing to a friendship and being told that it's the only thing you want from someone. Whether you push aside the sexual tension for the sake of friendship to protect it, or deny every possible scenario, every moment that was more than just friendship and act as if nothing ever happened.

The distance you needed last night to come to terms with your feelings and the final rejection was to buy you time. Time to extinguish the spark of hope inside you and get rid of the ashes before the fire takes you over completely and destroys you. But Charles had taken your escape from bed upon himself.

You could never feel uncomfortable in his presence. And you had wanted it too. You even wanted more than he gave you at that moment - much more. You would have given him everything without hesitation - you would have given yourself - if he had asked for it.

You almost feel a little ashamed of how quickly you fell in love with him, especially since you closed yourself off from your feelings for so long and lied to yourself. For seven days, you blocked out the voice inside you that kept shouting hypocrite so that you wouldn't have to admit the truth. And now, when the tears have dried on your cheeks and you can think clearly again, you also know that it would have been smarter if you had listened to that voice.

You love Charles. The Charles who only wants your friendship and has unconsciously broken your heart, which you were supposed to protect.

And you want to keep it that way. You would never let him know what he has unintentionally done to you. Not because you don't want to give him the satisfaction - you're pretty sure he'd feel bad about hurting you like that - but because, firstly, you don't want his pity and, secondly, the truth that you love Charles would ruin your friendship. If Charles knew how you felt about him, he would no longer be able to see you as a friend, just as someone he can't give what they need.

He shouldn't feel obliged to be friends with you.

You press your face into the pillow. How pathetic to love someone who wants nothing more than friendship from you. Someone who has opened their home to you and you have misinterpreted their every word, every moment and every touch.

Not even when Raphael cheated on you did you feel as sorry for yourself as you did in this moment. Although your relationship has lasted longer, in none of the countless moments have you felt as strongly for him as you have for Charles for days. And although those few days were emotionally challenging and exhausting, and at times you would have loved to bang Charles' head against the wall or pull him into bed, they were so breathtaking and fantastic that nothing and no one would ever come close to Charles.

You smack your palm against your forehead. The chances that you would die alone increase with every moment that you hope that Charles might eventually return your feelings.

You need to get over these feelings, there's no doubt about it. Since you've both already established that you can't be without each other and it might hurt Charles if you were to end this friendship - "I don't think you realize how important your are to me" - there's no other option but to throw yourself fully into this friendship and erase this boundary you've been walking on. If there is no boundary, there is no beyond. Just friendship, nothing more and nothing less.

Before you can really think about whether the idea is as good as you think it is, you swing your legs over the edge of the bed. According to the time on your cell phone, Charles could already be awake, so you shouldn't wake him as you walk down the hall to the bathroom. Besides, you can't hide in your room forever, so you decide to just get the first encounter over with. Come what may.

As you pull a sweater, which you make sure is actually your own, over your head, you pause for a moment. Would it be weird if you were face to face? Would you even be able to get a word out? And if so, what would you say?

"I think it's good that we're going back to the beginning, where we didn't share a bed or touch each other. We should leave so much distance between us that outsiders would question whether we're even friends."

Definitely not.

Of course you need to protect yourself and the distance that's been between you since last night certainly helps you get over your feelings, even if it's strictly speaking the last thing you want. But what you want most of all, what you desire and long for - you can't have that, unfortunately.

If this friendship was the only thing you could get from Charles, you would gratefully accept it. Having a piece of him is still better than nothing.

You slip into a comfortable pair of sweatpants and fluffy socks before sticking your head out of the room. Although nothing can be heard, you leave the safety of your four walls and almost sprint towards the bathroom, where you brush your teeth and comb your hair. The dark circles you see in the mirror are the result of a sleepless night, so you try to conceal them a little, hoping that Charles won't recognize them and then realize how much his absence has kept you awake and bothered you.

Semi-satisfied, you enter the hallway and trudge towards the kitchen, passing the closed living room door. Apparently Charles is still asleep, which is why you quietly take boards and pans out of the cupboards in the kitchen to conjure up a decent breakfast on the table. Maybe that's your thing - trying to bypass strange conversations with a good breakfast, even if until today breakfast consisted of croissants and pain au chocolat.

As you dice two bell peppers and small tomatoes, you hear the living room door open. You look up from the chopping board in front of you and see Charles standing on the doorstep to the kitchen.

"Good morning," you smile, hoping your smile looks as genuine as you imagine it does. "Would you like an omelette? The bell pepper and tomatoes are ready." Without waiting for an answer, you open the fridge and take some eggs out of the carton before placing them on the kitchen island next to the peppers. "I wanted to make you a coffee too, but I didn't know when you'd wake up and it would be a shame if it got cold."

Charles' gaze wanders from your face to the food in front of you before he looks at you in confusion. "Uh, yeah. Thanks." He scratches the back of his neck nervously before pointing weakly towards the bathroom. "I'm just going to freshen up. I'll be right back."

"I'm here," you say cheerfully, trying to ignore the fact that his hair is sticking out of his head in a disheveled mess and how ravishing it makes him look. "I'm not going anywhere."

As you hear the bathroom door slam shut, you exhale in relief. So far it's gone better than you expected, even though it's been less than ten sentences and you can't interpret Charles' confusion. Did he expect you to stay sadly holed up in your room and not dare to leave? Or was he confused because you were preparing breakfast for him?

Lost in thought, you fry his omelette in the hot pan and make coffee, which you place in a large cup on the counter in front of you. You serve the finished omelette on a plate as Charles returns to the kitchen. He hesitantly sits down opposite you and examines the meal in front of him.

"Everything all right?" you ask him with a raised eyebrow, supporting yourself with your hands on the worktop. "Does it look that awful? I know I'm not a five-star chef, but I don't think it looks that bad."

Charles opens his eyes and shakes his head. "No, no! Everything's fine. It looks great." He picks up his knife and fork and smiles at you. "Thank you. I wasn't expecting that."

You wave it off before turning around and washing your hands in the sink. After all the thoughts you've had this morning, you've lost your appetite. "No problem. We live together and friends cook for each other." You know that's not what he meant, but you don't want to talk about last night. About his touch, his thigh between your legs, the look on his face when he told you he was going to sleep on the couch.

Charles clears his throat, but doesn't respond either. "How did you sleep?" he asks instead, before shoving a piece of egg into his mouth.

You turn back to him. "Just fine," you lie, hoping that the concealer under your eyes is doing its job. "I was a bit cold, but I was fine. And you? How was the couch?"

Your roommate shrugs. "Definitely more comfortable than the one in the other apartment." He takes a sip of coffee. "But I'll still be glad when my bed arrives soon. I got an email saying it should be delivered in the next few days."

You look at him in confusion. " On Christmas?"

Charles shakes his head. "After Christmas. I think it's the day Lando invited you and me to party."

He doesn't even say it. The us. The idea that there could be more between you than friendship seems that absurd to him. You try not to let on how much this is affecting you.

"Okay." You chew the inside of your cheek. "If you want to go partying with Lando, I can stay here if the bed hasn't been delivered yet," you offer. "Then you can have a nice evening."

Charles raises an eyebrow. "Why would you stay here when it's my bed?"

Maybe because you don't want to see Charles flirting with other women? Or even going home with them?

You shrug your shoulders. "I don't know how much you want to stay here and sit around waiting when you could go out partying with your friends. After all, you said yes to him."

Charles places his cutlery on the plate in front of him a little more firmly than necessary. "What's that supposed to mean? Don't you want to go out at all?"

"I didn't say that." You cross your arms in front of your chest. "I just offered. Because friends do each other favors." Because friends help each other.

"Then why do you want to stay here so badly?" he asks, annoyed. "Don't you want to spend the evening with us? Or rather, with me?" There is an angry glint in his eyes.

"I didn't say that!" you defend yourself.

Charles gets up from his chair and circles the kitchen island before standing directly in front of you. "Why are you distancing yourself from me like that? Am I so awful that you don't even want to spend the evening with me anymore?"

Quite the opposite. You would love to cling to him and never let him go again. But the thought of seeing him with another woman makes you feel sick. But you can't tell him that, so you stare at him silently. You can feel tears stinging your eyes.

"I'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable and I'll do everything I can to make sure this friendship doesn't go down the drain," he sighs softly. "If it means never touching you again, then that's what I'll do. If you want to go back to the beginning, then that's what I'll do. But please -" His voice is more of a plea than a request. "Please don't shut me out of your life. It may sound selfish of me, but I can't - please stay with me."

The angry glint in his eyes has gone out, instead you see tears flash and all you want to do is wrap your arms around him and hold him so tightly to you until neither of you can breathe and you would die a happy death because it would be in his arms.

But you have to protect yourself, your heart, which is why you only smile slightly at him. "I told you." Your muscles ache, you have to restrain yourself so much from touching him and showing him that you're exactly where you want to be. "I'm not going anywhere."

Charles breathes a sigh of relief and turns away briefly so you can't see him wipe the tears from the corners of his eyes before turning back to you. "All right then." He stands up straight in front of you and tries to play the tough guy, but his shaky voice betrays him.

You look uncertainly at the plate still on the worktop. "Besides, I don't want to miss your mother's Christmas dinner. I think she'd haunt me and decapitate me if I didn't show up."

Charles laughs. "I'm afraid so, too."

You stand facing each other in silence for a moment until something occurs to you. "You said to your mother yesterday that we had a lot to do today. Was that serious or just a white lie so we could get home quicker?"

Charles bites his lower lip for a moment before reaching for his cell phone, which is lying next to the plate on the worktop. He presses the button on the side twice before sliding his finger across the screen. After a minute, he looks at you. "I meant that for real. I thought maybe you and I could do something today so you wouldn't lose your photography skills."

You give him a mock scowl, but can't help smiling. "And that would be?" He holds out his phone to you with the weather app open. The weather forecast for today is unusually good, almost twenty degrees. You look at him, confused. "Okay? And what does that mean?"

Charles puts his phone in the pocket of his black jogging bottoms. "I thought maybe you and I could go out on the boat. My fans haven't received any new pictures of me for a few days. Maybe you'd like to take some of me?" he suggests.

You look at him, puzzled. "You really want me to take photos for your Instagram account? Your official Instagram account?" you ask skeptically. When he nods, you tilt your head. "What happened to 'I'm trying to protect you'? Have you thrown your principles overboard now?"

"Was that pun intentional?"

"Maybe."

He rolls his eyes. "Listen. Kika has already tagged you in her pictures, so I think it would be fine if you took some of mine too. I don't necessarily have to tag you in them and push my luck. But you're good at what you do and Joris doesn't have time for me at the moment to take professional photos with me. And on the way to the harbor, I'll keep a low profile so that no one else sees you and me."

You purse your lips. "So I'm just your second choice, hm?"

He comes a little closer to you, but doesn't touch you. "You're always my first choice." His breath brushes over your face. "So, what do you say? Spend the day with me on a nice boat?"

"Depends," you reply, raising an eyebrow. "What's in it for me if I can't get any publicity from you?"

Charles has to grin. "There's a chef on the boat who will prepare anything you want."

You pretend to think for a moment before shaking your head. "Not good enough for me."

"There's a great bar where you can get drunk," he continues to offer, but again you wave his offer away.

"Nope."

Charles takes a deep breath before running a hand through his hair and then leaning so elegantly against the kitchen island and leaning towards you that your heart skips a beat. "I'll let you steer the boat." As your grin widens and almost reaches your ears, it's obvious he's got you hooked. "So, would you like to spend the day on a boat with me, mon amo - ami?" he quickly corrects himself.

You heard him anyway. And inside you wonder whether he calls all his female friends that. Maybe it's a habit he has that he's trying to break just for you. So that you don't feel uncomfortable, even though it triggers the complete opposite in you, which you try to ignore.

"As long as I'm allowed to steer the boat," you reply.

Charles' hand, which is hanging at his side, twitches briefly, as if he's trying hard not to lift it up and place it against your cheek.

"Deal."

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