#witcher answers

[spielzeugkaiser]

I’m so sorry but every time I see Bear!Jask (the dearest of bard-Witchers), I excitedly go “the Bitcher!”

SAME. And it fits him!! He bitches like nobody else-

but Geralt only goes !!! if he stops.

[thedemonofcat]

Don't get me wrong, I love the fics where Jaskier walks up to witchers and demands attention/protection.

But where are my fics where Geralt plops Jaskier in another witcher's camp with a list of care instructions and a promise to be back in a week?

I love this idea, and the detailed list of steps for taking care of Jaskier is impressive.

1. Make sure Jaskier gets at least three meals a day. Keep snacks handy, or he’ll end up chewing on random plants found along the way.

2. To ensure a better morning, Jaskier prefers sleeping in a tavern bed. If you're staying at one, make sure the bard gets to bed before midnight—watch out for encores.

3. When camping outdoors, give Jaskier the softer pillow for a more restful night.

4. Jaskier thrives on attention and conversation. Engage with him frequently, or he'll sulk. He loves telling stories, even if they're exaggerated—just play along.

5. Keep a close eye on him in crowds. He has a habit of causing trouble or flirting with the wrong people. If he starts a brawl, get him out of there quickly.

6. Don’t let him wander off alone—he has a knack for getting lost or into trouble. Always keep him within sight.

7. Jaskier might be immortal, but it’s best not to test that theory.

[shanastoryteller]

Happy Pride 🌈!!!

Jaskier or anything Hades, please?

a continuation of 1 2

Jaskier lies back in the bed of goose feathers, the brazier crackling merrily, the walls of the enchanted tent blocking out any other sound. "I really do love traveling with you."

Yennifer rolls over so she's partially splayed across his chest and he automatically raises a hand to press his fingers into each knob of her spine. "Because you value my company so terribly."

"I do value your company," he says, affecting a wounded tone of voice. "I would be partial to your sharp wit and talented tongue and scathing worldview even if you were not a sorceress or a beauty."

He means that sincerely, but he says it as if it's a joke. Yennefer hates sincerity. It makes her itch.

"Can you two shut up?" Geralt grumbles. "Some of us have work in the morning."

"Not everything is hitting the big scary monster really hard and really fast," Yennefer says dryly.

Jaskier hums in agreement. "Wining and dining the local count, and perhaps reporting him for corruption and maybe writing my brother about it, is an important intermediary step."

"It really isn't," Geralt sighs at the same as Yennefer says, "I still can't believe you're actually a noble. I thought you were joking."

He pouts, offended. Before he can launch into a speech about noble airs, Geralt says, "I thought he was lying too. It made the wedding a little awkward."

He thought their wedding was great fun, actually. He'd been very drunk for a lot of it and had made Geralt carry him.

"How'd your family react to you bringing home a witcher?" she asks.

"Well," he says, and almost lies, but Yennefer's a lot better at catching him at it than Geralt. "Not the strangest partner of mine they've met, to be honest. And they like Geralt far better than my sister's husband."

"Would I be the strangest partner of yours they've met?" Yennefer asks in interest.

Gods. They'd love Yennefer. "...Maybe? Certainly the most powerful."

Geralt clears his throat.

"That's just speculation and we're not counting it," Jaskier says firmly.

She frowns at him, turning her head just enough to glare at Geralt. "What are you talking about?"

"Interesting, isn't it," Geralt says blandly, "that Jaskier hasn't really aged since you've know him."

Yennefer starts studying his face with the intense sort of scrutiny that never leaves him sure if he's going to get dissected or laid. "It's my multi-step skincare routine."

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Jaskier never makes promises. He literally never says the word “promise”, and he swears no oaths.

It’s a subtle quirk. It takes Geralt years to notice. When he points it out, Jaskier says with false levity, “I guess I don’t.”

From the bard’s body language, Geralt can see he doesn’t want to talk about it, so the topic is dropped.

Years later—after Geralt screams his fury at Jaskier—the bard says in a broken voice, “Don’t worry, Geralt. I promise not to bother you anymore.”

The promise sears itself onto Geralt’s soul like a brand. One made of chaos, and he can feel it become binding.

Geralt whips around, but Jaskier was gone.

There are a few moments of confusion before Geralt realizes what just happened. Jaskier had promised, and that promise was sealed with chaos. Only the Fae have such an ability.

YESSSSSSS i love this Geralt has to track down Jaskier and prove that Jaskier doesn't bother him, and thus the promise is still ringing true, even as they continue traveling together

[prince-liest]

So you keep your characterization for your Hazbin fics pretty canon-compliant/in character, and I know you're averse to getting jossed by newly revealed canon, but are there any bits of canon where you're like "oh, fantastic! Just gonna toss that right in the trash, no thank you <3"

Doesn't have to be for Hazbin either! If you happen to have another media's piece of canon you don't care for go ahead and toss that in there if you like :3

Categorically and unambiguously, Viv's assertion that Alastor's teeth are that color because he doesn't brush them.

NO, THANK YOU. 🙃

My writing in particular fandoms tends to start out with me having a strong preference for canon and compliance, and then the further along I get the more I'm like, okay, I'll explore all the weird AUs and genderswaps and whatnot. Fundamentally though even within AUs I get most of my joy from drawing parallels to canon and expanding on the themes and constraints that canon has established. And I do still defensively tag my Hazbin fics as "written after season 1" so that people at least know, haha.

BUT. THAT PARTICULAR TIDBIT?

DEATH OF THE AUTHOR.

[thebabygronckle]

i need a geraskier fic entirely from cirilla's perspective thats just abt her discovering dadlore in the most nonchalant situations and losing her shit about it

[inexplicifics]

Hi. I was rereading the fashion asks about using monster parts, and thinking about the conversations about Witcher armor Cahir had in Flung to Catch a Star, and the two between them got me thinking.

Cahir's mental commentary about the value of wyvern leather suggests that wearing monster-derived materials is already a thing of high status, but at the same time nobody has remarked on the Witchers' leather armor. Presumably this means that the finished product doesn't look much different from ordinary leather the way the Witchers work it. Meanwhile, any noble who was able to afford such a material would want everyone to know what they were wearing and display it accordingly.

So most such fashion would come in two main flavors, practical and aesthetic. One group valuing the material for its useful properties, and the other for the difficulty of acquiring it. (Until such time that the Witchers have the time to spare to start getting fancy about the things they make.)

That dual purpose makes me think that the White Wolf could make some very interesting statements with diplomatic gifts. Who gets something ostentatious and purely decorative? Who is given an object that is not only impressive but also more useful because of the properties of the material? Who goes home in an unremarkable leather vest that offers as much protection as metal armor…

In other words: Who is getting an expensive gift just because it would be a bad idea to upset them? Who is an actual ally they really do want to help or protect? And who do they want to support, without drawing attention to it with an obvious mark of favour from the Witchers court. If only their true allies know enough to tell what is useful as well as decorative it could form an interesting layer of subtext. (One that may have already been started with Milena's special hairpins.)

*chinhands*

Where's that "You, keep talking" gif?

I'm not sure I have anything useful to add here but damn is this some good worldbuilding fuel. Thank you.

[artistsfuneral]

I'm always a sucker for Witcher fics where someone comes to the keep really young (maybe Eskel?) and they don't speak the common language at ALL and it's even more terrifying and confusing what's happening to them. Cue lots of friendships and learning how to find their place!

ohohohohohohoho yesssss ❤✨ also isn't it canon that Eskel came from "mountain people"? It would make sense that toddler Eskel only speaks Norwegian Northern (also I started learning norwegian for no reason whatsover, so I am going to use my 100 words)

deaged!Eskel, shy toddlers, softe Geralt and awkward Lambert

It was common knowledge that most of the collected artefacts in the dungeons of Kear Morhen were cursed in one way or another. So it wasn't all that surprising, when one of them started to omniously glow once Lambert got too close to it by accident. It also wasn't very surprising that the youngest wolf was quickly shoved away by Eskel, kind, protective Eskel, who promptly ended up at the center of the curse's magic.

The tiny toddler that appeared where the full grown witcher once stood, was unexpected though. Lambert had been prepared to fight a monster, but his drawn sword prooved to be rather counterproductive when it was noticed by big brown baby eyes that immediately turned teary at the sight of danger. The loud crying that followed strangled Lambert's heart painfully.

"Oh, no, no, no! Please don't cry, I don't know what to do, when you cry!" Panicking, Lambert did the only thing that came to his mind and he reached out to pick the tiny toddler up. The witcher looked helplessly around the room, as if any of the artefacts could provide him with the secret knowledge of childcare. Eskel didn't stop crying.

"Uh- Let's get you to Geralt, okay? You like Geralt right? You're best buds, he will know what to do."

Alarmed by the sounds of a crying child, Geralt was already halfway down the keep, when Lambert reached him. The - currnetly not - youngest wolf hastened his steps and practically shoved tiny Eskel into Geralt's arms. "Lambert, what on earth?" Adjusting his hold instinctively, Geralt started to rock the toddler in his arms, one hand gently petting the mop of unruly brown hair. "Uh- that's Eskel," Lambert managed to blurt out.

"Eskel?"

"He got cursed. Down in the dungeon. I didn't know what to do, not sure he recognized me." Geralt hummed. "If it truly is Eskel, then we might have a small problem."

"What, why?" Lambert's eyes darted down from Geralt's to look a the small figure sniffling in the witcher's arms. "He's was born up north," Geralt explained slowly, "didn't speak a word of common when he first got here. It took him years to learn." Lambert's mouth went dry.

What Geralt didn't seem to know was that Lambert could in fact speak most northern dialects. But what on earth could he possibly say to a tiny child he already managed to bring to tears seconds after meeting him? He took a shaking breath, "Går det bra med deg?"

Eskel's reaction was immediate. His little head snapped up from where he had been hiding it under Geralt's chin and he stared at Lambert with wide eyes. "Hva?"

"Går det bra?" Lambert repeated, trying his best to ignore Geralt's confused stare. Between snotty sniffles a small voice that sounded nothing like the Eskel they knew, the child answered. "Ja, bra."

Lambert let out a sigh of relief. "He says he's alright, probably just got scared." Geralt's shoulders relaxed visibly. "Didn't know you speak northern."

"Wasn't exactly needed until now."

"Can you ask him, if he knows who we are? Does he recognize us at all?"

Lambert blinked at the other wolf. Angry, at himself, for not thinking about asking such an important question. He focused his gaze back at Eskel. "Vet du hvem jeg er?" A wide, toothy grin spread across Eskel's little face. His chubby little finger pointed straight at Lambert and he exclaimed proudly, "Ulv! Rød ulv!" The action was quickly followed by a similarly enthusiastic pointing, this time at Geralt, "Hvit Ulven!"

Lambert chuckled. "I think he'll be alright."

[curious-trickster]

I love it when Jaskier is able to save Geralt, whether that be by sheer dumb luck and some guts or by immense skill like with people. Just anytime they both save the other is such a good time in my opinion.

How do you feel about it? Are you a Jaskier is the only damsel in distress or do you like them to switch off being the damsel in distress?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

Oh gods, I LOVE competent/feral Jaskier, you have no idea.

I just think that there's so much potential for hilarious moments to ensue whenever someone makes Jaskier a little more dangerous than you expect him to be.

I think it's much more realistic to have Jaskier actually be able to defend himself from danger, seeing as he does travel across the continent on his own sometimes. Add in the experience he gets over the years from traveling with Geralt and you have a Bard that actually knows how to fight.

I take a lot of joy picturing Geralts disgruntled but reluctanty flustered face whenever Jaskier comes to his rescue or the small pleased smile he can't fight down whenever he sees Jaskier give back as good as he gets in a fight, surprising everyone around him because they assumed the Bard dressed in fancy clothing to be all talk with no real skill and Jaskier just flattened them.

Jaskier's face whenever he notices Geralts reaction is all smug and pleased, he can't help making some quips about it or sauntering up to Geralt, teasingly asking him if he liked the show, feeling even more pleased when Geralts face turns red in a deep blush that surprises both of them.

Like imagine them looking like this:

[the-bar-sinister]

Pal.

Pal.

You are at the hardware store, screaming at the cashier to give you soup for free.

You are not being civil or polite to the person you want something from.

You are demanding a service for free from a stranger.

the stranger you are demanding a service from literally is unable to provide you with the thing you want even if they wanted to.

You are demanding I write fanfic about a show/game/novel I've never engaged with.

About a pairing I've never seen before. With characters who I don't even recognize the names of.

That is how lost you are, pal.

You sound like you need to check in with a friend regarding your mental health. I hope you feel better soon.

previous interaction

[perseruna]

About the Witcher sex scenes I knew Henry was uncomfortable with them but I didn't know he was nasty to Anya about it. Is there a source for this?

the topic was initiated by the deuxmoi leak about his firing, which also alleges that his aversion to intimate scenes wasn't actually out of being uncomfortable but more likely out his "incel-y" beliefs. It was actually never stated that he was uncomfortable with the sex scenes in The Witcher. Sure, that might have been a factor, but it was never the reason given by him or the press. In S2 he refused two sex scenes because in his head "the characters wouldn't behave like that" which I discussed here, and I didn't agree with his stance.

"Female writers and directors were suddenly being completely ignored on set, unable to do their jobs. Every department head was complaining. He started making comments—it wasn’t a sexual thing, he wasn’t grabbing anyone or being lewd, but it was disrespectful and toxic all the same. He was distracted, he was late, he was obsessive, and a lot of people think the misogyny came from gamer world. [...] Eventually his disrespect escalated. He would rewrite scenes without even alerting the other actors in the scenes until it was time to shoot. He decided that he didn’t want any romantic scenes at all��no kissing scenes, no shirtless scenes, et cetera. He wanted complete control of storylines but really had no idea of the limitations of TV, structure, budget, et cetera."

He also just has a very weird way of talking about women when in comes to sex scenes. During his Tudor days he refused to wear the appropriate harness underway and this is what he had to say:

"It's only happened to me once, and it was very embarrassing," he admits to the magazine. "A girl had to be on top of me, she had spectacular breasts, and I hadn't rearranged my—stuff into a harmless position. She's basically rubbing herself all over me and, um, it got a bit hard."

Like, I don't really have an unbiased explanation, but his answer is giving me the biggest ick.

He's also gone on record that he "doesn't understand" sex scenes. And everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and it's totally okay to like or not like sex scenes, but to say, as a creative professional, that you don't understand them is embarrassing and weird in my opinion.

And when it comes to him being nasty to Anya, this was commented on reddit which correlates with the deuxmoi leak.

[thislotuseater]

I hate myself for not being able to get over tissaia de vries like... it's been years

[thedemonofcat]

“What do you do?” Geralt asks, trying to be conversational with the beautiful man he had somehow gone home with last night.

Julian looks at him incredulously over breakfast for what feels like forever and then says, “…I’m a singer.”

“Oh, local?” Maybe Geralt could go to a show.

“No, in town for a gig. Leaving first thing tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

That was disappointing. He knew it was only one night of fun, but he had hoped to try his luck and ask Julian out.

“If you want, I could give you my number. We could text?”

“I’d like that.”

———

Jaskier has no idea how he stumbled upon the one man on the continent who doesn’t know he’s a popstar, but he’s rolling with it.

At some point, Jaskier had to know this was coming. He and Geralt had been watching TV when one of his own performances appeared on the screen.

“Hey, Julian,” Geralt said, his tone laced with curiosity.

Jaskier braced himself. It was only a matter of time before Geralt put the pieces together.

“That musician—Jaskier—kind of looks like you,” Geralt remarked.

[hanzajesthanza]

“what does geralt get from that friendship…”

another post examining the weight of geralt and dandelion’s friendship… because i don’t think people recognize how painful and debilitating loneliness can become.

the witcher as a deconstruction of the genre takes fantasy tropes to their most logical ends—it asks us to consider what The Lone Swordsman feels, looks into the humanity in a Cold-Blooded Killer. and it turns out he’s not cold-blooded at all.

that despite some superhuman abilities, he laments and worries and curses himself, just like any other worker of any other profession. just as the farmer is scorched by the sun, the washerwoman’s back aches, and the scholar goes half-blind studying, a witcher deals with all of the pains and annoyances and dangers of his job in a mundanely human way.

but the farmer, the washerwoman, and the scholar have something the witcher does not have—they’ll always be seen as human and part of their society. at the end of the day after enduring all of their labor, they have their wife to caress, festivities to attend, and taverns to frequent. but for a witcher? after the killing is over, what does he have? no one and nothing. not even a thank you. he is met with fear and hatred everywhere he goes, baseless bigotry and dislike.

I did my job. I quickly learned how. I’d ride up to village enclosures or town pickets and wait. If they spat, cursed and threw stones, I rode away. If someone came out to give me a commission, I’d carry it out.

so he faces not just loneliness, but being deliberately ostracized and cast out from society. geralt can’t even find a polite word in most settlements, much less a friend.

‘(…) Tell me, where should I go? And for what? At least here some people have gathered with whom I have something to talk about. People who don’t break off their conversations when I approach. People who, though they may not like me, say it to my face, and don’t throw stones from behind a fence. (…)’

this kind of loneliness is not a mere inconvenience. it’s completely altering to your self-perception and ability to see the positive in the world.

each day is not lived, but endured.

day in, and day out—forced to the most difficult and lowest labor in order to survive, and knowing that were you to die, no one would search for your body, few would miss you, hell, they might even spit “good riddance”.

in this situation, to find a friend, is not only friendship, but a rescue.

without dandelion, geralt may have drowned—drowned in solitude, amidst a sea of strangeness.

‘(…) And I’m alone, completely alone, endlessly alone among the strange and hostile elements. Solitude amid a sea of strangeness. Don’t you dream of that?’

No, I don’t, he thought. I have it every day.

because dandelion is not only a bright soul, characteristic rippling laughter and the strum of a lute, but someone who will intently listen to geralt, someone who mutually enjoys his company.

‘(…) you almost jumped out of your pants with joy to have a companion. Until then, you only had your horse for company.’

someone who doesn’t see him as strange and at the fringes of society at all, but as an utterly normal man.

and doesn’t impose demeaning, sappy sympathy onto him, but sobering and realistic “quit your bullshit” which ridicules the very thought that he should internalize societal hatred.

Do you know what your problem is, Geralt? You think you’re different. (…) [You don’t understand that] for people who think clear-headedly you’re the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everybody was so normal. What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat? That you know a few spells? Big deal.

dandelion isn’t “willing” to accept geralt for himself—he already has accepted him. and to him, it’s no difficulty, it’s nothing worth discussing, because he sees no abnormality and no strangeness in him.

while others “prefer the company of lepers to witchers,” dandelion has already offered geralt to share his room and board. not out of sympathetic pity, not out of fetishizing curiosity. because… they’re friends.

and what else does this friendship save him from?

not only from others, but from himself.

worse than enduring others’ apathy and hatred is one’s own thoughts—the darkness and negativity which builds from witnessing and experiencing such behavior.

dandelion’s ability to counter and dispel geralt’s pessimism and self-flagellating tendencies—again, not out of pity, but out of friendship—is undeniably invaluable. someone to rescue you from your darkest thoughts, when you begin to spiral.

and in this darkness, all you can do is cry. you cry, beg for someone to help you, please—

Help! Why doesn't anyone help me? Alone, weak, helpless – I can't move, can't force a sound from my constricted throat. Why does no one come to help me? I'm terrified!

to be alone, the saga reminds us, is worse than a death sentence. to be alone is to “perish; stabbed, beaten or kicked to death, defiled, like a toy passed from hand to hand.” to be alone is to suffer, and to be with someone is to save them from that suffering.

'(…) I wouldn't like anything bad to happen to you. I like you too much, owe you too much-'

'You've said that already. What do you owe me, Yennefer?'

The sorceress turned her head away, did not say anything for a while.

'You travelled with him,' she said finally. 'Thanks to you he was not alone. You were a friend to him. You were with him.'

it is true that geralt has saved dandelion countless times, helped him, gotten him out of some scrape… but to ask what did geralt get in return? are you kidding me?

did you ever consider that it is dandelion who saved geralt?

by being with him. by being by his side. by being his friend.

indeed, dandelion has rescued geralt, countless times, from the yawning jaws of endless loneliness. he’s helped him, chased away the danger of geralt’s own rumination. and he’s gotten him out of scrapes, his own insecurities and bitter helplessness.

so what does dandelion give geralt? what does geralt get from their friendship?

an amusing question. what one gets from friendship is the friendship itself. and that is more than enough.

[geraskierfanficprompts]

There is a spell that allows people to speak to their soulmates. It lasts about half an hour and can only be used once in a person's lifetime. Most use the spell to find and meet up with their soulmate.

Witchers are taught to never use this spell. Even if you found your soulmate, they would be horrified to have a witcher for a soulmate.

There were many times Geralt considered using the spell: during his training, after the grasses, after his first kill.

However, he finally used the spell after Blaviken. Geralt knew it was selfish to introduce himself into this person's life. He knew it was farfetched that they would tolerate him, let alone like him. But, Geralt was desperate. He was miserable and tired and oh so lonely. He just wanted a little comfort. Couldn't he find some comfort? Just for a few minutes?

Geralt assembled the spell, said the incantation, and prayed that his soulmate wasn't already dead.

There was silence.

Geralt swallowed and then said, "Is anyone there?"

"I'm here," replied the high-pitched voice of a child. "Who are you?"

OoOooOooOoOoOooOoOooOoo, I love this Geralt tries not to think about the little boy he spoke to years ago, until a man's voice appears in his mind and reveals that he's the boy, all grown up now, and he's using HIS one chance to use the spell to find the witcher he spoke to years ago. I swear to you guys I can space out my posts like you asked for in the poll, but I don't wanna space out this asks that have been sitting there waiting for me, I need them GONE out of my INBOX I need to AnsWER I need them to be SEEN

[inanoldhousewrites]

ohhh my god just thought of the comedic potential of Jaskier telling Geralt about his lover Ves (meaning Vespula) and Geralt getting all worked up about it because he thinks Ves is short for Vesemir