#wish it were easier to know what stuff i dont know about but ig that was comatoriums job so its just harder now

[homophyte]

You should listen to clouds if you haven't already, I made an edit here www(.) youtube (.)com/ watch? v=WI5gzEgc6Zw

ooooh thank you! honestly i have a lot of like 'deep' volta stuff i still have never listened to like maida vale, landscape tantrums, whats called 'a missing chromosome' and the ramrod tapes. im not even super familiar w tremulant or scabdates ngl! stuff to work on. i love the drumming in this though....and all the best volta has that whale song quality the opening here does

[aegyo-ahegao]

Kpop artists are real people! Please respect them! All of this is strictly fantasy and for horny fun! None of the things I say in this account are “speculation” or “what these artists are really like” type things. Again, purely fantasy through the lense of a hyperfixation

MINORS DNI!

word count: 5140

tags: gyuvin x matthew, light dom/sub stuff, caught masturbating, oppa kink, inspired by recent(ish) events, gyuvin's shy at first, matthew eats it up, as in all fics gyuvin is hung 😔✊, handjob that turns into blowjob, very light cumplay, theyre so whipped and they don't even know, teaching how to give a bj by example, whos top? whos dom? who's sub? they dont even know, switch 4 switch ig

Found the brain power to write this >:) i accidentally made this very sappy and cute but it's all good bc you get two bjs for the price of one! also it is so much longer than i expected enjoy

‘For today, I’m your oppa’

The moment replayed in Matthew's mind more often than he’d like to admit. His little oppa bit was fun, he got to flirt with the camera and show off something besides being cute, but this was probably too far. He might’ve not known the deepest interweavings of Korean but he was damn good at conversation, and conversation between him and hyungs was even easier. Being referred to as a dongsaeng was pretty natural for him. But Kim Gyuvin. Strange, weird, tall, handsome Kim Gyuvin. He made being a hyung harder than it already was. He was always goofing off, in an endearing, Saint Bernard who doesn’t know how big he is kind of way, but goofing off nonetheless.

It had been one of these many times that Gyuvin had said the something that kept ringing in Matthew's head.

“I’m too tired today. I’m not oppa today.” Matthew had whined as Gyuvin shook him excitedly. “Someone take oppa responsibility for me.”

“I can.” Gyuvin sat up straight with a dumb smile. “I’ll be your oppa.”

Matthew tried to convince himself he mistranslated as his ears got steadily pinker. “What?”

“No take-backs! You said you didn’t want to be oppa so now it’s my turn.” Gyuvin smirked mischievously.

“I didn’t mean my oppa.” He tried to sigh but it came out like more of a squeak.

“Too late! For today, I’m your oppa.”

-

That’s what got Matthew in this situation. Laying on his bed, half mast, all because of some stupid joke. He didn’t even know it was possible for honorifics to affect him like this, especially ones meant for women. He guessed it was a sign he was getting more comfortable with Korean but he almost wished he wasn’t. ‘Gyuvin-oppa’ It rang through his head again and he winced, trying to not imagine anything.

It was a rare free Saturday so most of the members were out, getting food or shopping. Really, it was only Matthew and Taerae home, and he knew for a fact the Taerae had passed out on the couch after lunch. It had been a while, with promotions and filming, he hadn’t got a decent, non-shower jerk off in since right after Boys Planet. It really couldn’t hurt.

He scooted up enough to throw his blanket over his lap, even if someone did walk in it’d be way easier to hide this way. He shimmied out of his sweatpants, sighing as the soft fabric laid over his dick. He could already tell he wasn’t going to last long, dick twitching at the slightest touch. “Fuck.” He breathed. He wrapped his hand around his half stiff cock, lightly tracing his thumb over his slit.

‘Let oppa take care of you.’

Matthew flinched as the image of Gyuvin leaning over him appeared in his mind. He groaned out of embarrassment. He started pumping his hand, nervously letting the fantasy continue on. Imaginary Gyuvin licked his lips, staring down Matthew like he was about to eat him alive. He brought a finger to Matthew’s chin, raising it to make eye contact. Matthew unconsciously sped up his strokes.

‘Say it.’

He knew exactly what imaginary Gyuvin wanted, of course, and he couldn't help himself. He placed a hand over his mouth, intent to muffle himself so only he and his little fantasy had to know.

“Gyuvin-oppa.” saying it out loud shot a shiver straight to his dick. God, why was that doing so much to him? He whined into his hand, eyebrows scrunched up in pleasure. "Oppa, please." he muttered.

"Good boy." Imaginary Gyuvin purred. He kissed him roughly, tongues dancing, before trailing kisses down his jaw, then his throat.

"Gyuvin-oppa, please." he breathed.

He heard a whimper, but this time it wasn't his own. His hand flew away from himself, eyes squeezing tightly closed. Oh, god. This was humiliating. "Jesus fucking Christ." he swore to himself in English. "Please leave." He didn't dare look at who it was, he didn't want to go through the next few weeks avoiding eye contact with someone.

"...But." The voice squeaked, already sounding way too familiar. "You called me."

"I don't want to talk about it Gyuvin." Matthew rolled over to face the wall, neck burning from embarrassment. Of course, of all eight people that could've caught him, it had to be the one he was moaning the name of. "Leave.'' He hoped he sounded intimidating and not like he was about to cry.

There was a long pause, one Matthew tried to convince himself meant Gyuvin left and he just didn't hear. Unfortunately, his ears were hyper aware of every tiny sound at the moment. He could still hear Gyuvin breathing. He tried desperately not to break into tears. "I don't wanna." Gyuvin finally said, more of a whisper than anything.

Matthew's confusion overtook his embarrassment for a moment and he turned his head to look at Gyuvin. Oh. He was standing, hands balled into tight fists at his sides, still holding his shopping bags. His thighs were clenched together. The worst part was he wasn't even looking up, his head hung low, hiding his face. "What?"

"I don't wanna leave, Hyung." Gyuvin's voice cracked. Somehow, his head sunk even lower in his chest. Matthew couldn't bring himself to do anything but stare. "Please..."

Matthew felt a fresh plume of warmth reach his face. This couldn't be real. He dug into his thigh with his nails, willing himself to snap out of it. This fantasy had really gone too far. But Gyuvin remained. Matthew's heart was racing, he could feel the blood rushing in his ears. He had to be sure, if this was going any farther. "Gyuvin, you know what I was doing, right?"

He nodded.

"What was I doing then?" Matthew said carefully, trying to not spook him off.

"Hyung, don't make me say it..." Gyuvin covered his face with his hands. Despite his earlier fantasies, Matthew couldn't help but find him adorable. The urge to get more reactions out of Gyuvin was eating at him.

"How am I supposed to know you're serious if you don't tell me?" Matthew's nerves were slowly morphing into excited butterflies.

"Hyung-"

"Just Matthew's fine." He felt himself start to smile. "And look at me, please."

Gyuvin took a deep breath. He lowered his hands away from his face slowly, revealing his wonderfully crimson complexion. "Matthew." He dug his nails into his palms, willing himself to look up. "Were you... touching... yourself..." He let out a little whine before taking another breath. "Thinking about... me?"

Matthew ate up every second Gyuvin left his face uncovered. He knew he probably had a stupid, half horny-brained grin plastered across his face but he couldn't stop.

"Hyu-... Matthew." Gyuvin complained, turning his body away but keeping his face in view.

"Yeah," He breathed, barely audible. "Yeah, I was." He was kind of dazed and awestruck. Kim Gyuvin being anything other than overly excited or passed out was always a pleasant change, but this was something else entirely.

"O-okay." Gyuvin cleared his throat, clearly trying to decide what to do next. "Did you... like it?"

Matthew couldn't help but to break into a little fit of giggles.

"Matthew!" He whined, stomping in place pathetically.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Matthew tried to catch his breath in between spurts of snickering. "I'm not making fun of you, I promise."

"You sure sounded like you were." Gyuvin pouted and crossed his arms. "Look, I can leave and pretend this didn't happen, but..." His eyes drifted to the floor.

"But?"

Gyuvin shuffled his feet around and cleared his throat. His mind seemed to be working overtime. He sighed after a moment and turned on his heel. Matthew could've sworn he was about to storm off. His chest twinged at bit at the thought. But Gyuvin didn't leave. Instead he set his bags down beside Matthew's dresser and closed the door, paused, then locked it.

"But I want to hear you say that again." His expression had turned stern.

Matthew felt his face heat again. Right, he was supposed to be the embarrassed one here. He'd been walked in on and he'd completely forgotten as soon as Gyuvin acted cute. He really was done for.

"Matthew."

He yelped then cringed at the noise. "Yeah?" He squeaked.

Gyuvin took a careful step forward. "Can I- please- can I touch you?" His face was no less red than before, but it seemed he'd found some confidence.

Matthew couldn't stop the nod that came out of him. "Please." it sounded desperate, but he kinda was.

Gyuvin approached slowly, taking off his jacket on his way. He kneeled in front of Matthew's bed, eyes trained on Matthew's. "Can I...?" He gestured to the blanket that was still draped over Matthew's lap.

Matthew bit his lip and nodded. God, what was he getting himself into?

Gyuvin was so gentle, sliding the blanket off slowly and deliberately. Unveiling Matthew like he was something precious. He exhaled deeply once he was in full view. "Wow." He breathed, his hands floating absently around. "Okay, hhhh, okay, wow."

Matthew chuckled under his breath. "Am I that impressive?"

"Yeah..." Gyuvin whispered, half there. "You're really pretty, Hyung."

Matthew felt his dick twitch at the compliment and groaned. "Sorry, I-"

"Don't be." Gyuvin interrupted. "It's cute." He swallowed and took his eyes off of Matthew's crotch, seemingly with great effort. "I'm gonna start now, okay?"

"O-okay." Matthew winced at himself.

Gyuvin gently wrapped his hand around the base of Matthew's cock, squeezing softly. "Warm..." he mumbled absent-mindedly. He inched his hand upward, more feeling him up than trying to get him off. He placed his hand on Matthew's inner thigh and scooched forward, eyes twinkling with interest. He thumbed at the bit of skin connecting Matthew's foreskin to the head of his cock, making him gasp. Ever so slowly, Gyuvin started moving his hand, working his way up and down Matthew's shaft, staring intently at every movement.

Matthew covered his mouth with his hand. Not only was Taerae asleep not even 30 feet away, but it just felt way too embarrassing to let Gyuvin hear anything. Even if Gyuvin was the one making him make the embarrassing noises. Jesus, this was really happening. Matthew stole a look downwards. Gyuvin, with his hand on Matthew's dick. He couldn't comprehend that, even just as a sentence. His brain flashed that same image of Gyuvin baring over top of him from before. "Gyu-...Gyuvin?" He tried not to pant.

"Yes, Matthew?" Gyuvin had no intention of stopping his movement now that he'd started, Matthew's voice seemingly only spurring him on.

"What you said before..." Matthew winced and covered his mouth again, whimpering into it. "Did- ah- did you mean it? Do you want- ah- me to call you-" He was cut off by Gyuvin's increasing pressure on his dick, strokes speeding up the more he talked. "Ngh!" A strangled moan fought its way out, somehow making Matthew blush even deeper.

"Call me what?" Gyuvin's voice came out darker than before. He might be even worse off than Matthew.

"Oh, come on! You know- ah- what I'm talking about." Matthew whined.

"Yeah, but I wanna hear you say it." Gyuvin finally took his eyes back off of Matthew's dick. "Please."

And who could deny a face like that? Red down to his collarbone, pupils blown, lips parted just enough that Matthew could see his tongue. "Gyuvin... Gyuvin-oppa." The embarrassment curled its way up through Matthew's stomach.

"Fuck..." Gyuvin's head dropped to his chest, strokes going lopsided. "Matthew, I really want you in my mouth right now, but I've- I haven't-not with a guy anyway-" he blathered.

God, he was so cute. "You can- if you want. I wouldn't mind. I can teach you." Matthew reached down and stroked the top of his head. "I mean as long as you don't bite it off, I think you're fine." He chuckled.

Gyuvin whined incoherently. "Matthew, no fair." He flopped forward, squishing his cheek into Matthew's bare thigh.

"Sorry, sorry." Matthew smiled fondly at the top of Gyuvin's head. He wasn't sure if they'd ever had this much contact before, but maybe that was for a reason. "Gyuvinnie-"

His head shot up and he gave Matthew what was probably supposed to be a glare, but his fucked out expression overrid it.

"Gyuvinnie...Oppa." Matthew swallowed. He hated that it'd already gotten easier to say. "Let me teach you, huh?" He braved a hand on Gyuvin's cheek, which he immediately nuzzled into. Cute. He scooched forwards on his knees, crotch absently bumping into Matthew's shin. "Jesus." Matthew wasn't sure if Gyuvin's dick hit him or straight bone. "You're really hard."

Gyuvinnie nodded lazily. "You're really hot."

"Do you... I mean, I could teach you... by example, if you want?" Matthew felt like he should probably be embarrassed, especially given how embarrassed he was at just calling Gyuvin a name, but he wasn't. He was kinda curious, if anything.

Gyuvin's eyes shot open- as open as he could make them, given his state. "Oh! Um, uh- o-okay. If you want."

"Don't worry, I have experience." Matthew smiled smugly. "Come up here." He patted the bed then slid off, pulling up his sweatpants as he went. Gyuvin crawled up onto the bed, knees clamped shut. "Relax, I got this. Tell me if you need a break." He paused. "Gyuvin-oppa." The expression on Gyuvin's face made Matthew smile like a cat. He leaned forward and started busying himself with Gyuvin's fly. It was no easy task given the massive tent blocking his view. Even through his pants, Matthew was already dreading how big Gyuvin was going to be. His fly came undone and Gyuvin lifted his hips to making tugging his pants down easier. He was chewing on his sleeve. Cute. Matthew braced himself then tugged down the waistband of his boxer-briefs. Gyuvin's cock sprang free with a bounce. "Jesus christ." He stared open mouthed at it.

"Is something wrong?" Gyuvin pouted down at him.

"No, it's just..." Matthew tried to measure it with his hand, but it was too small. "You're kinda massive." He swallowed.

Gyuvin giggled above him. "Oh, come on, it's not that big."

"No, I like, seriously feel bad for any women you've been with." He pulled Gyuvin's cock forward so it stood straight, making him whine. "Jesus."

"Hng- Hyung if you're gonna touch it, can you give me some warning first?" He panted.

"Oh, sorry Gyuvinnie." He met Gyuvin's eyes. The face he was making made Matthew go a little crazy. One eye closed, the other half lidded, mouth agape with a silver string of spit connecting his top and bottom lip. His brain backfired. "Here's your warning." He smiled wryly then took Gyuvin's head into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around it, occasionally flattened it to drag it along the slit.

"Fuck! Hyung-" Gyuvin twitched forward. "That wasn't- ngh- much of a warning!"

Matthew hummed around him in response, eliciting a wonderfully strained noise from Gyuvin. Something childish and competitive was burning in him, like he had to prove himself. He bobbed his head down a few centimeters, working the rest of Gyuvin's length with his hand. He took a deep breath before taking him in until he reached his fist, the head knocking into the back of his throat.

"Hyung- fuck- I'm really sensitive- it's been a while-" Gyuvin babbled. His hands came to rest on the back of Matthew's head, tangling into his hair gently. "Careful please."

Matthew pulled off with a pop. "Of course, Oppa." He smiled at the desperate noise that made its way out of Gyuvin, then plunged his way all the way back down. He bobbed ever so slowly, willing his throat to take just a little bit more. Fuck, Gyuvin was big. He tried to not imagine what it would be like inside him, how deep it would reach. He felt his throat start to spasm and backed off. If he couldn't take it all in his mouth he'd just have to treat the part he could fit extra special. He pressed his tongue firmly against the side of Gyuvin's shaft and moved it side to side as he bobbed. Spit was dribbling from the corners of his mouth at this point but he didn't really mind, it was just extra lubricant for his hand to pump the bottom half of Gyuvin's dick with. The soft gasps and moans above him were slowly turning into muffled, stuttering grunts. He pulled off just enough to give Gyuvin's slit kitten licks. "Close already, Oppa?" Matthew looked up to make eye contact. Shit, that was a mistake. Gyuvin's eyes had a fire he couldn't quite place, but he could certainly guess. It made his stomach drop straight to his feet.

Gyuvin's fingers curled into his hair firmly. "Don't stop. Wanna cum in your mouth. Please." The words were slurred but the look on his face was as if this was a matter of life and death.

"Greedy." Matthew huffed, but sunk back down onto him nonetheless. It'd been a while since he last let someone cum in his mouth, but this was his Gyuvinnie. Even if he was sucking his dick at the moment, he still did have a soft spot for him. He wondered how Gyuvin would taste. He sped up his strokes in time with his head movements, spurred on by the light pressure Gyuvin was applying to the back of his head. He tongued lightly at the underside of Gyuvin's glands, making him groan.

"M'close..." His hands pulled at Matthew's head gently.

Matthew took that as a sign to go deeper. He bobbed down to brush his nose against his knuckles again, filling his mouth to the brim. He hollowed his cheeks and worked his head up and down. He felt Gyuvin start to shudder. He plunged down so Gyuvin was at his throat, then pushed himself a little farther. He suppressed a cough as Gyuvin moaned.

"Matthew!" He gasped as he spilled into Matthew's mouth and down his throat. His hands tugged at Matthew's blond hair as he rode out his high. Matthew felt strings of cum shoot down his throat and over his tongue. It tasted sweeter than normal, maybe it was because of all the snacks Gyuvin was always eating, or maybe Matthew's brain just ignored the bitterness more easily because of who's it was.

Matthew tapped Gyuvin's thigh as soon as he was sure he was finished.

"Oh, sorry!" Gyuvin let him go and hung his head back.

Matthew slid off of Gyuvin's dick slowly, enjoying the way he jolted from overstimulation. "Gyuvinnie, look." He tapped his leg again.

"Hmm?" Gyuvin's head fell forward again then froze.

Matthew stuck his tongue out with an 'ahh", cum dribbling down the entire surface. A bead fell onto his lap but he swiped it up with his finger and put it back in his mouth. He made sure Gyuvin was watching as he swallowed.

"Oh... my god?" Gyuvin sat shell shocked.

Matthew giggled at him. "Figured you'd like that." He stood, legs wobbly. "Scooch." He shooed Gyuvin to the side then sat next to him, resting his head on his shoulder after a moment. "Was it a good lesson, Gyuvinnie-oppa?" he snickered, pushing into Gyuvin.

"Mhmmm.' He stretched it into a hum. "Gimme a minute to recover, then it's my turn."

"Your turn?" Matthew scoffed. "Isn't it my turn if, y'know, I'm the one getting it?"

"Nope." Gyuvin rested his head on the wall and smiled, arms behind his head. "My turn because I'll have more fun."

Somehow, Matthew's face got even warmer. "I don't think that's possible. I mean, didn't you have fun when it was 'my' turn?" He made air quotes with his fingers.

"Of course I did!" Gyuvin pouted down at him. "But I wanna see your face when I suck you off." He grinned.

"I- uh- okay." Matthew stuttered, head filling with images he'd rather not share. "You've sure gotten brave in the last ten minutes."

"I don't think it's possible- even for me- to take 'hey can I suck your dick' as a bad sign." Gyuvin hummed contently then slid down on his back to the floor. He flipped over then sat. "So..." He looked up at Matthew with that same unplaceable fire from before. "Hey, can I suck your dick?"

Matthew wasn't sure whether to laugh or blush. He settled on nodding. "Y-yeah, you can..."

"Don't worry, I had a very good teacher." Gyuvin beamed up at him, splitting his face straight in two.

"Someone's excited." Matthew mumbled behind his hand.

Gyuvin nodded, leaning forward. "Someone's hot." He tugged down Matthew's sweatpants and boxers in one motion. His cock bounced into his stomach. "Hello again, pretty."

"Shut up." Matthew pushed at Gyuvin's shoulder.

"You'd rather I lie?" Gyuvin huffed in faux anger. "It's pretty... you're pretty." His voice got airy all of the sudden, like he was under some dick-spell. "Matthew-hyung? Can I ask a favour?"

Matthew swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. "Yeah, Gyuvinnie?"

Gyuvin's eyes hazily made their way up Matthew's torso to meet his eyes. "Can you take off your shirt- please? I really wanna see you-... your muscles... they're so nice." Rather than being spoken, the words vaguely floated out of Gyuvin's mouth.

Matthew tried not to flush. If working out made Gyuvin act like this, he might have to never stop. Without a word, he tugged his t-shirt up over his head. Judging by the strangled gurgle that came from Gyuvin, it was a nice view. "There." Matthew turned his face away. "Anything else?"

"No..." Gyuvin's glassed over eyes traced him from head to... well, other head. "Perfect- you're perfect." He mumbled, leaning over to press a kiss to the inside of Matthew's thigh. "So pretty." Another on his hip.

Matthew's breath got caught up in his throat, coming out clicky. Gyuvin looked almost how he imagined, ready to eat him alive, but in his fantasies Gyuvin wasn't quite so... far gone. Honestly it was hotter this way, affecting him so deeply.

"Matthew..." Gyuvin breathed. Locking his eyes on Matthew's, he trailed his tongue down the crease where his hip met his thigh. It made Matthew shiver.

"I don't think I taught you that..." Matthew panted.

"No, but I wanted to do it." Gyuvin muttered, voice darkening. "Please, Seok Matthew, can I taste you?"

Matthew shuddered, eyes trying to escape from Gyuvin's gaze but suddenly unable to. He nodded slowly, out of focus. "Yes..."

Gyuvin inched his way closer. "Yes, who?" Matthew could feel his breath ghost across his cock.

"Oppa- Gyuvin-oppa, please." He blabbered, face hot with shame. He'd do anything to get Gyuvin's mouth on his dick at this point, calling him a name among the less detestable. Still, the small part of Matthew that was still lucid screamed at him to stop, or slow down at the very least. That part was stupid anyway.

"Good- perfect." Gyuvin mumbled, pressing his lips to the head of Matthew's cock, kissing it gently. Ever so softly, like he was a dog trying to sneak a treat while no one was looking, he placed his lips around Matthew, just below the head. His tongue felt around curiously, sliding around him and licking up the precum he'd leaked. "You taste nice..." Gyuvin muttered, mouth still full.

The vibrations made Matthew gasp before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Gyuvin let Matthew fall out of his mouth then leaned up close to his face. "None of that." he took his hands and pulled them away from his face. "Wanna hear you."

"But- Taerae's-"

"Sleeping and behind a door. Shush. Lemme hear." Gyuvin spoke as if he was saying the most logical thing in the world.

"O-okay." Matthew let his hands fall. He moved one to rest on Gyuvin's cheek. Gyuvin took him back into his mouth, maneuvering Matthew's cock into his cheek, poking him in the hand. He giggled at himself.

"Very funny, Gyuvinnie." He couldn't help the fond smile that made its way onto his face. Gyuvin only responded by taking Matthew in deeper, making him hiss. "Fuck, Oppa." Gyuvin flicked his tongue over the bit of skin connecting Matthew's foreskin to the head of his cock. Matthew tried to hold back his noises, but it was much harder without a hand to muffle himself. He could feel Gyuvin smile around him. Gyuvin bobbed lower, taking nearly all of Matthew into his mouth. Matthew stole a glance down only to be met with Gyuvin staring intently up at him. Fuck, is that how he looked a minute ago? Hair messy, cheeks full, lips pink, eyes hazy and glassed over, big and pleading. Gyuvin hollowed his cheeks and slid up and down Matthew's length, tongue pressed flat against it. Matthew chewed on his lower lip, worrying away at it in some hope to make the embarrassing whimpers he was making die down. He couldn't take much more, this was all so overwhelming. Plus he'd been played with off and on for well over 30 minutes, and he wasn't exactly the most desensitized person at the moment.

"Oppa, please- Oppa I'm close- please-" It came out a lot less coherent than he'd expected but his head was spinning too much for him to care. Gyuvin hummed around him on some kind of question, one Matthew hoped he was answering correctly. "Please- wanna cum on your face- please Oppa."

Gyuvin backed off, only holding the head in his mouth once again. He pumped his hand as fast as he could make it go, tongue working at Matthew's slit. "So pretty for me, baby." he mumbled into Matthew. "Cum for me."

"Fuck- fuck- ah-" Matthew whimpered. His hips jerked back as he crested his climax, pulling himself out of Gyuvin's mouth. The first spirt landed on his lips, the sight drove him crazy. Ears ringing, 'world flashes white' crazy. "Fuck, Gyuvin-" his voice got caught in his throat. He slowly came down from it, the whole room spinning. He flopped forward unconsciously into Gyuvin, head to shoulder. After a moment he felt hands weave into his hair, tracing gentle circles into his scalp.

As his ears stopped ringing a quiet stream of 'You did so good's and 'So pretty's became the only sound he could hear. Gyuvin was mumbling at him, forehead to forehead. He looked down to see Gyuvin's sleeve covered in him.

"You... called me baby." Was the first thing out of Matthew's mouth. His voice was creaky and strained.

Gyuvin pulled away so he could look at him. He held his shoulders, thumb gliding back and forth. "Yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just really excited." He laughed lightly, with an undertone of hurt.

"No, I-" Matthew wasn't sure what to say, or where exactly he was even going. "I didn't mind- I don't."

"Here." Gyuvin gently pushed Matthew down to lie on the bed. "I'll be right back, promise." He said, peeling his sweater off then crumpling it into a ball.

Matthew didn't have to wait long before Gyuvin reappeared with a glass of water and a damp washcloth. "Do you need anything else?" He asked, a little panicked looking.

"No, that's more than enough." Matthew started to push himself up on his elbows but Gyuvin put a firm hand on his chest.

"Let me do this for you?" He sounded almost guilty. He took Matthew by the chin, wiping at the corners of his mouth and his bottom lip. The washcloth was warm, and smelled faintly of the hand soap Ricky had bought claiming 'No way I'm washing my hands with a bar'. "Sorry in advance." Gyuvin whispered before dabbing Matthew's softening dick clean, making him flinch at the overstimulation. "Sorry, sorry. All done."

Matthew stared at Gyuvin as he stood and placed the washcloth in the laundry basket by his dresser. He just stood there facing the wall, hands pulled to his chest. "Gyuvinnie-"

"It's okay we don't have to talk about it if you don't want." Gyuvin interrupted. "I'm glad I got to do that though."

"Would you listen for once? I swear, this brat." Matthew grumbled and swung his feet off the bed. He padded over to Gyuvin and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him into a back hug. Matthew felt a little short for this, seeing as his cheek came to rest in between Gyuvin's shoulder blades, but the gesture was the same. "I'm not mad. I had a good time." He took a deep breath, steeling himself for his next words. "This might sound silly considering what we just finished doing but... I really like you Gyuvinnie-ah." He buried his face into Gyuvin's back. He felt a little bit too much like a middle school girl at the moment to properly face him.

"Oh, thank god." Gyuvin's shoulders sank. "I really don't know how long I could've dealt with casual sex. You're too pretty." He tried to turn but Matthew was latched securely to his back. "Hey, no fair Hyung!"

"No way I'm letting you see my face right now." Matthew's voice was muffled by the fabric of Gyuvin's t-shirt.

"But you let me see your face when you had my dick in your mouth?"

"That's different!" Matthew whined.

"Are you really more embarrassed now, Hyung?" Gyuvin chuckled and reached behind him to pat Matthew on the head. "It's too late, I already like your face no matter what it looks like."

"Hmm?" Matthew mumbled, tightening his grip around Gyuvin's waist.

"I really like you too Matthew-hyung. I like seeing you when you just woke up and your eyes are all puffy, I like seeing how happy you are when you dance, I like seeing you drool when you fall asleep in the car. You always look good." Gyuvin sighed, rocking the two of them gently from foot to foot.

"...If you keep talking like that, I'm gonna start thinking you have a crush on me." Matthew chuckled at himself, light and airy. He let go of Gyuvin's shirt slowly, like he was letting go of the dock as he stepped into a boat. He was just as rocky, anyway.

"Shut up." Gyuvin's smile was huge and sincere, creasing his eyes. "I'm, like, really happy right now."

"I can tell." Matthew snickered into the back of his hand. "C'mon. Let's get you cleaned up too. I'll help you wash up." He smiled fondly up at Gyuvin, taking his hand and pulling him to the door.

"Why does that make me nervous?" Gyuvin giggled.

"Because," Matthew looked over his shoulder at the Saint-Bernard who doesn't know how big he is that is Kim Gyuvin. "I'm pretty."

[kjhmyg]

not re related but i’ve been having a rough time… this happened almost a year ago but last year in august, it was senior year (i still remember the exact date and time it happened) but two of my best friends cut me off cuz they said i had a lot of problems.. and no joke cried until 3 in the morning. it was so hard seeing them everywhere at school, i literally cried every week bc my heart hurt so bad just from seeing them. even though our friendship lasted 6 months (6 months with one of them, the other 2 years) we talked every day, literally every day, hung out almost every week and had a sleepover every month, so when they cut me off, i felt like a piece of my heart fucking tore in half.

then during the 2nd semester of senior year, i became classmates (not even friends) with the person i knew for 2 years and i admit i was REALLY happy. but a part of me thought she was doing it out of pity, keep in mind i still cried every week because of how bad it hurt. and then on our last day of school, i finally did the thing that hurt me the most and blocked their instas and delete all of our gcs and messages, and all of our photos. 700 photos of them. and i cried for hours on end. it hurt so bad.

and at graduation i saw one of them, and we talked for a bit. but it still hurt so bad. i thought i wouldn’t be so hung up over them but i still am it hurts.. and like the thing is, i thought we’d be a friend group throughout our senior year and maybe even college but it still hurts… and like i want to forget them but i genuinely can’t. :(

ALSO IM SORRY FOR RANTING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST CUZ MY MOM’S NO HELP AT ALL- like my little cousin asked me what happened between them and i started crying and so she got my mom AND MY MOM TOLD ME TO STOP CRYING, SAYING IT HAPPENED A WHILE AGO. i was just like 😀😀

hi my love! first of all, no need to apologise, we all need a good rant once in a while. i'm so sorry this happened to you :( no one deserves to be abandoned like that! did they ever elaborate on what they meant by problems? because unless those problems were affecting them, it's terrible that they just cut you off like that! especially since you knew one of them for 2 years, and spoke with them everyday.

i think it's the fact that you never got closure that's got you hung up over the whole thing. but now that you've blocked them on ig and deleted the gc, it means you're ready to move on! right?

i had a similar situation with a close friend of mine. we stopped talking (my fault, not hers), but i was hung up over it for YEARS. but because i knew i was in the wrong and i missed her. i did apologise but things didn't go back to the way it was - which is fine, because again, it was my fault.

we were still in each other's close friends list on ig and because i was seeing her every day on ig, it made it difficult for me to move on. like i kept wishing she would reply to my stories or wish me happy birthday. which never happened. so...i muted her. and the less i saw of her, the busier i got with other stuff like work etc, the easier it was to forget! to move on!

out of sight, out of mind.

so if you're ready to let the past go and move on, then im telling you from first hand experience that it will get better! let yourself feel what you feel, grieve your friendship (release all of what could've been), but know that you will feel better one day!

(but if you still want closure, it's a whole different thing so lmk. i got closure in my own way.)

anyway, you're allowed to feel sad about it doesn't matter what people think.

because i do get it, wanting to have a friend group to go through an important part of your life with. with people you have many memories with. unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky :( (me included, i never had that!).

but you'll have more chances in the future! (but also, it's okay even if you don't have that!) (it's okay to be alone) (but i dont want you to feel lonely) (life is complicated).

disclaimer that i'm not a licensed to give advice just a deeply flawed person that cares about you, and i hope that you can find your smile again one day <3

[just-some-random-blogger]

meow meow, catmom! this day must be rough for me so hope youre doing better! this cat TT hope its for good luck. 'i read this in the morning but i had .. its night now' were so SAME TT 'but i get where theyre coming from' yeah me too but still. i was young and confused af. 'let me apologize' no you dont need to >:( 'knows all the lewd stuff about it' OH YES. idk in russian the 'polynomial' is literally pronounsed? means? includes words 'many members' (i dont even remember what its about). and in russian member and dick are literally the same word. so EVERY time teachers in the what? 5th? 6th? grade are just ._. while children are laughing at this word.... my classmates still did while being in the 11th grade... men yuck. 'BUT I SAW THE PAWLESS CAT TODAY' hope hes doing fine TT and Putol sounds just... logical. so ok let him be. 'at least not dead' i usually answer like this when asked how am i. 'DAMN THAT WAS SARCASTIC' well not really maliciously sarcastic. just not the same sorry you thought it was. 'ur so dry' im humbled(( 'i will never believe you again' meowmeow TT i was telling the truth after all?? 'BUT YOUR STORY IS IN MY QUEUE NOW' FHDKFO and whats its number? 'which one do you want me to do first btw?' ik you dont need my opinion anymore but id say anyway. im VERY eager to know whatre you gonna do in the wfal(TT) but?? im already waiting for a lifetime so? im REALLY REALLY excited to see what youre gonna do with the keep. anyway im eager to read both. 'so waht if its humid if its like negative degrees?' its easier to breath??? TT these southern people... 'st. petersburg is warm?' no TT but its like WOW its 0 C there... rn its warm. but. i just mean the weather there is more wet? there are lots of rivers, water, rains and all so in winter it can be as chilly while having higher degrees. but they have the wet time of cold while in the real north its dry frost. and more difficulties with breathing. 'i hope youre satisfied.' was it THAT bad? TT i feel like that nerd from the american movies who sais something to a laughing group and everyones suddenly silent... 'i hope youve found peace' oh NO. 1) i hate irresponsible people 2) im VERY angry with her 3) im living through this rn. were literally going to talk to her abt all the shit shes done today. but im glad youve found your peace. SOSO finally the cover TT its so angelic TT your voice is still >>>>>>>>>>>> its the chefs kiss TT catmom im so proud of you. and your still so gorgeous, hottie-cutie TT your hairss so pretty and your eyes are so captivating TT your so hottie-cutie TT and DAMN your voice is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! editing(?) is also vvv good! idk how these layed lines called even in rus but!! youve got gold hands!! also!! ive read this last fic puppy love and wish i was her (idk why i didnt read it back then). so with the second one. im in love TT like not with the sisters fighting over a man but the desperation EVERYONE feels. everyones inner conflict is !!!! got me so excited. like rhaenyra want to be like her sister and thats why shes pining after daemon? and daemon want to be with the reader so when shes not available hes pining after her sister(but idk i wanted to say something else but dont remember)? and the reader want to do whats good but also whats good for her but also being tired of all this mess? YAY got me screaming. and the puppy love TT you absolutely cant have me reading things like this. ive got the softest spot for starks (even if idk a thing abt them) TT the north theme ig. i love them, the snow, the moon, the wolves so theyre my comfort house (its so ironic knowing ive never seen got..). also i noticed the 2nd person pov and how do you feel abt it? was it harder to write? the reader isnt damsel in distress but still... patriarchy... idk if it does mean what i want it to mean but its not an insult TT shes fine. shes good. ig youve made her the way you (at least wrote that) wanted to. how is your queue? what plans do you have for weekends? howre u? thats all ig. have a nice day/evening/night/weekends/life! take care! luv you<з

this isnt a cat but this is me when i dance T_T HAHAHHAHA

good morning my love, at least its 11am when i was replying to you.

this day must be rough for me so hope youre doing better!

AWWWW T_T I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY WHATEVER HAPPENS I KNOW YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT <3

this cat TT hope its for good luck.

i mean i dont wish you anything bad but only blessings

'i read this in the morning but i had .. its night now' were so SAME TT

big brains think the same

'but i get where theyre coming from' yeah me too but still. i was young and confused af.

me at english HAHAHAHA

'let me apologize' no you dont need to >:(

T_T i already did its fine

'knows all the lewd stuff about it' OH YES. idk in russian the 'polynomial' is literally pronounsed? means? includes words 'many members' (i dont even remember what its about). and in russian member and dick are literally the same word.

💀💀💀💀 HELP WTF HASH:FASFHASHF HAHAAHAHAH

so EVERY time teachers in the what? 5th? 6th? grade are just ._. while children are laughing at this word.... my classmates still did while being in the 11th grade... men yuck.

IDK THIS IS KINDA FUNNY BUT ALSO YUCKY ALL AT ONCE HAHAHHAH;ASHF;LHASFHASL;FA

'BUT I SAW THE PAWLESS CAT TODAY' hope hes doing fine TT and Putol sounds just... logical. so ok let him be.

nah you can say it, my grandma was kinda mean for that T_T but omg my love T_T MY GRANDMA FOUND A DEAD STRAY CAT IN HER WASH BASIN THIS MORNING aslfhasfl;khasflhasfhalshfasfhalsf asfahf it was so sad and scary and our neighbor threw it away. i felt bad and wanted to volunteer to bury it but i also didnt want to touch the dead cat. T_T i wish my dad was here to bury it T_T but hes at work so T_T JUST A LOT TEARS although i didnt cry

'at least not dead' i usually answer like this when asked how am i.

and it oop T_T the cat that looked like Tol was the one that died. RIP my love

'DAMN THAT WAS SARCASTIC' well not really maliciously sarcastic. just not the same sorry you thought it was.

k HAHAHAHAHA

'ur so dry' im humbled((

/: k HAHAHAHHA

'i will never believe you again' meowmeow TT i was telling the truth after all??

'BUT YOUR STORY IS IN MY QUEUE NOW' FHDKFO and whats its number?

it's the in the keep then that so i finished that first lol HAHAHH

'which one do you want me to do first btw?' ik you dont need my opinion anymore but id say anyway. im VERY eager to know whatre you gonna do in the wfal(TT) but?? im already waiting for a lifetime so? im REALLY REALLY excited to see what youre gonna do with the keep. anyway im eager to read both.

WELL I FINISHED WRITING IT AND I JUST POSTED IT NOW GO READ IT AND SEND ME YOUR ANALYSIS OFF ANON LIKE YOU PROMISED!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDD

'so waht if its humid if its like negative degrees?' its easier to breath??? TT these southern people...

/: hey u think i know how snow works 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 im sure you'd burn the first day you step foot here /:

'st. petersburg is warm?' no TT but its like WOW its 0 C there... rn its warm.

everytime you say its not cold/warm and then say its 0 degrees T_T YOU DO KNOW THATS FREEZING POINT RIGHT WELL NOW YOUKNOW

but. i just mean the weather there is more wet? there are lots of rivers, water, rains and all so in winter it can be as chilly while having higher degrees.

sounds like a one way ticket to clogged sinuses for me. wet + cold = sniffles lol but also i like this discription you've given me. sounds very nice HAHAHAHAH

but they have the wet time of cold while in the real north its dry frost. and more difficulties with breathing.

why is it harder to breathe in dry areas? ok google said it irritates airways lol HAHAH

'i hope youre satisfied.' was it THAT bad? TT

i mean it wasnt bad but i only snorted when i read it AHHAHAHA

i feel like that nerd from the american movies who sais something to a laughing group and everyones suddenly silent...

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

'i hope youve found peace' oh NO. 1) i hate irresponsible people 2) im VERY angry with her

damn T_T [hugs]

3) im living through this rn. were literally going to talk to her abt all the shit shes done today. but im glad youve found your peace.

T_T I HOPE YOU FIND PEACE TOO MY LOVE I LOVE YOU

SOSO finally the cover TT its so angelic TT your voice is still >>>>>>>>>>>> its the chefs kiss TT catmom im so proud of you.

and your still so gorgeous, hottie-cutie TT your hairss so pretty and your eyes are so captivating TT your so hottie-cutie TT

T_T 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭thank you so much my love, i was thinking a lot about how i looked and i was like it doesn't look like im singing it but I AM but HAslfhaskfhaf im honored you think so highly of me my love

and DAMN your voice is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! editing(?) is also vvv good! idk how these layed lines called even in rus but!! youve got gold hands!! also!!

IM GLAD YOU LIKE THE LAYERS I LOVE THE LAYERS!!! they're called voices! simple as that AHHAHA. Thank you i love my hands even though they're so veiny. im luv them <3

ive read this last fic puppy love and wish i was her (idk why i didnt read it back then).

BECAUSE YOUR MEAN THATS WHY YOU DIDNT READ IT [cries] lol AHHAHH

so with the second one. im in love TT like not with the sisters fighting over a man but the desperation EVERYONE feels. everyones inner conflict is !!!! got me so excited.

LASHFLASHFLASHFAF HIHIHHHI THANK YOU SO MUCH I ALREADY READ THIS BUT IM SMILING ALL OVER AGAIN BECAUSE OF HOW SWEET YOU ARE

like rhaenyra want to be like her sister and thats why shes pining after daemon? and daemon want to be with the reader so when shes not available hes pining after her sister(but idk i wanted to say something else but dont remember)? and the reader want to do whats good but also whats good for her but also being tired of all this mess? YAY got me screaming.

YOU GET IT

IM SO GLAD YOU CAUGHT ONTO THAT! IM SO GLAD THAT YOU GET IT :ASFHKASFKASF CRRRRYYIINGGG

I LOVE THAT FIC SO MUCH BECAUSE OF THE CONFLICT I MADE AND YOU MADE ME LOVE IT ALL OVER AGAIN even now i still think about that p2/a scene i wanted to add in the fic but didnt write it cos i got lazy lol. ur making me wanna maybe make it

and the puppy love TT you absolutely cant have me reading things like this. ive got the softest spot for starks (even if idk a thing abt them) TT the north theme ig. i love them, the snow, the moon, the wolves so theyre my comfort house (its so ironic knowing ive never seen got..).

LITERALLY ME AS;FGASFASG HAHAHHAHAHAHAAH I HAVE THIS STARK UNIVERSE AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH BECAUSE I GET TO NOT ONLY WRITE ABOUT DAEMON AND CARAXES BUT READER (WHO IS A STARK) AND HER BB WOLF WHO I NAMED HAVOC ASLFHLAS;HFHSAFSFLSHAFHSAF ASF I LOVE THE NORTH THEME SO SO SO SOSO SOSOSSSO S MUCH TOO even though like you i have not watched nor do i think i ever will watch game of thrones AHHAHAHHAHAHA

also i noticed the 2nd person pov and how do you feel abt it? was it harder to write?

no. i have written 2n person before. i appreciate it because it allows me to write thoughts for the characters outside of yn. ive realized why i usually dont write in other perspectives because then id have to use a name or (Y/N) WHICH I PERSONALLY LOATHE its fine if others use it, but i personally dont want to use it so. yeah. i have a bunch of fics written in second person! i usually use it when my plot isnt too focused on yn.

the reader isnt damsel in distress but still... patriarchy... idk if it does mean what i want it to mean but its not an insult TT shes fine. shes good. ig youve made her the way you (at least wrote that) wanted to.

HELP I guess you dont like her very much HAHAHAHAH that's fine! i was exploring writing more 'time realistic women' i wanted to show an alternative of my usual characters. she is not outspoken 'like a man' nor does she assume the worst for others, rather much like she how was brought up, she is more passive and naïve, and yet she does not let Daemon speak for her, because she at the very least knows how to properly conduct herself and treat others. <3 i love her for that. she may not have the guts to raise a sword but she will stand for what is right. <3

how is your queue?

its good! im planning to sneak a pedro pascal fic past everything just cos i have a mutual that has been rotting my brain with pedro HAAHA

what plans do you have for weekends?

probably do assignments and write. maybe i;ll try learning that halsey song too

howre u?

IM SO FUCKIGN HOT AS IN ITS SO HOT HERE IM BEING BURNED HELP ME its almost sunset not but THE AFTERNOON WAS HOT

thats all ig. have a nice day/evening/night/weekends/life! take care! luv you<з

I LOVE YOU! HOW ARE YOU MY LOVE I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY FIC AND I HOPE YOU GOT THROUGH THE DAY WITH VIGOUR I LOVE YOU! BYE i have a class in like 9 mins lol

xxx

[stellas-starry-sillies13]

hey emi, i understand how you feel, and i think closing yourself to them to an extent is the right thing to do. If those ‘friends’ always brush away your problems then they arent truly friends. Yeah, youre a weirdo, so what? Im a weirdo, and frankly, all my friends can be considered weird or weirdos too ig, just because youre a little weird doesnt lower your worth any less. Emi, all throughout our life, people will hate. It’s inevitable. We will face people who dont like us or are generally just mean and rude. But yknow you can either deicde to take it like this and they will get exactly what they want because thats what bullies do. They bully you because you know you care. They know how it will affect you. And i know its easier said than done, but dont let it bother you. I know it may sound impossible, but when people say bad things about you, you shouldnt accept it. If someone says something bad about you, say the opposite. Confess positive things over yourself, because taking in all these things others say about you is only gonna make things worse. Again, i know its easier said than done, but things are never gonna get better for you if you continue to take everything in and let everything get to your head. Emi, you are a creation of God, and nothing that god makes is ugly or worthless or useless. Even if the world seems to hate you, you should always love yourself, even if left and right you always hear oh im stupid, im worthless, i suck at this and that. They can say what they want, and im gonna be honest, you could be not the brightest or maybe others just generally dont like how you look,(im not saying you ARE, im saying even if you were) i dont know. But God made you, you are wonderfully and fearfully made, and I knows its not easy, but i wish you didnt absorb everything everyone says about you. Youre a wonderful person. Youre funny, kind, entertaining, a good writer, and probably lots more that i just dont know. But you wanna know why you feel all of this? Its because you care. A lot. And yeah it would probably affect me to a certain extent if i went through this as well. But God says that you are beautiful. You are wonderful. And okay, so no one in your school doesnt like anime or write fanfiction. Does that mean you cant or you shouldnt? If you like anime then you like anime. If they dont then they dont. You dont need to be like them because they dont like it. Be yourself, because thats how God made you. Oh wow, you write fanfiction, you like anime, maybe youre not top of your class and all that stuff. You arent perfect. You never will be. You make mistakes and you should eventually move on from those mistakes. You arent anyone but Emi. And you never will be. You are unique and different and if they cant see that then thats on them. It doesnt have to end like this. Know why? Because there is a God in heaven that created you and he loves you more than anyone. And if you let him, he’ll help you through this. You dont have to care about what others say.

Also, from what ive seen maybe idk i think you have a good relationship with your parents. Even if you dont, i think you should talk to them. If its this bad then ask them to move you to a different school or homeschool you. This is really important Emi, and as your friend and a minister of the gospel I really hope you can take this into consideration. I love talking to you and reading your fics, and I truly truly dont want you to kill yourself. I love you Emi, and more importantly God loves you. Jesus loves. God bless you Emi <3333

Also. You should listen to positive music. Id recommend what he says about you by unspoken music or beloved by jordan feliz, because they are really like comforting(?) and its the truth. Its the truth and theyre telling you that you dint have to listen or care to the worlds lies.

i don't think you guys realize how much of a loser i actually am.

tw. swearing, sui mention, sh mention, self hatred mention, just... a lot of things. If you're triggered by someone with moderate depression talking about random shit, I wouldn't interact for your own comfort.

I'm constantly a target of bullying from fuckfaces at my school

I'm fucking stupid and bad at making decisions

I'm can't help but cry at everything that goes wrong like a fucking bitch

I hate myself and act like an emo bitch

I try to talk to people and make friends but I'm fucking incapable to the point where I think about jumping

I scratch and scratch and scratch my arm because I'm anxious so my friends yell at me and I feel fucking stupid and want to dig a hole

all I do is complain so my friends are getting fed up with me

I never have any confidence in myself so my friends get mad at me

I constantly ruin things for my family

I'm always called gay or some type of shit and though it may be partly true, I know they're saying it as an insult

I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder who that ugly, worthless, useless, dumb bitch is looking back at me

I have on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS had to go to the bathroom so I could cry

I'm such a fucking weirdo. Students my age in my school don't write fanfiction on Tumblr or have anything to do with anime or whatever shit and it's making me hate myself

I feel like a fucking alien

I get called a pick me

I'm not ‘popular’ which means I'm stupid and hated by almost every ‘popular’ kid

I'm compared to my peers because I don't wear makeup and don't act like a bitch like the ‘popular’ kids

I try to tell my friends about my interests but they never seem to care even though I listen to them talk so intently

I also try to tell my friends about my problems but they brush it off like it's nothing

I always change myself so I'm not called weird or treated different

I pretend to like or not like things so people don't hate me or yell at me or make fun of me

so fuck. I finally decided what I want to do. I'm just gonna shut the fuck up, stop participating in class, stop talking to my friends, just... stop. Fuck. If people still hate me after I completely close myself off maybe I will fucking do it.

[mithliya]

i especially dont get the whole "genital preference/fetish" thing bc like.... i realy am only attracted to uhh how do i say "naturally dickless women" whatever, but like then, i'm a stone femme... meaning i dont even want to interact with the "downstairs mixup" 😨😨😨 and yadda yadda. so would I be extra bigoted to not want someone with a penis even then?! Lol

maybe to them but in reality you really aren’t. im not eating pussy 24/7 but just KNOWING that my gf got one and how it may be reacting is also a turn on. like. the “naturally dickless” state she’s in forms a huge portion of my sexual attraction. like rly if it’s about us interacting with sex organs only, then maybe we could find a dude who only wants to finger and give oral n nothing else 🙄 but if we were to do that, it would simply not be the same. bc we are not attracted to ALL of men’s being and we are attracted to ALL of women’s, regardless of what sex act we’re involved in. expecting lesbians to just suck it up and be with any male is lesbophobic period, when we try to do that shit it’s traumatic to us, we’re putting ourselves thru mental & physical torment & putting in a lot more effort and energy into maintaining this lie and trying to cope with sth we don’t enjoy (& trying to make it enjoyable so it’s easier to cope with) when literally… we can simply just be with women.

anyways anon ur not a bigot at all. it’s not like we can enjoy a sex act w men if they’re the ones doing stuff to us, we’re lesbians so we’re gonna be attracted to women regardless of what we’re doing in bed 💀 some ppl just don’t get it ig but i wish they’d shut up about it

[radiomogai]

ahhh that makes sense jfhsh. im dumb lmao.

yeah i wish school could jst like. not. exist yknow? that would be so poggers man. also i never understood why tf u have to do like catchup work when u have actual shit going on?? its so fucked up???

and uh thank you! it is hard i dont know if i like being sober or not and by god it is so confusing. im glad that yall are doing better with that though!!

im planning on cutting him off but idk how to do it. bc i feel like its ride yknow. bc he hasn't ever really done anything wrong and hes really nice to me yknow. idk shits weird.

also jon is correct. the correct answer is long necks. any other answer is.... also correct.. but not as correct. but all dinos are cool my favorite is the long neck from land b4 time

for the tag can u change it 2 val? ty!!

*val*

nah, not dumb, idk if we ever mentioned it here much lol

yeah same!!! like, logically i know why, but it still sucks so much. we missed an entire unit of biology class while we were recovering so now we literally have to teach ourselves this entire unit

if it helps, we've personally noticed that being sober is one of those things that gets easier as it goes on. not really linearly, though. it's like one of those graphs with the ups and downs and ups and downs. but as time goes on, those downs don't go as far down as they used to and the ups last for longer. it's tough to go through absolutely, but worth it. we've been sober for.. i don't remember, again, poor memory, but it's been a decent while now. our biggest concern is for when we turn 18 and people start pressuring us to drink because it'll be legal, but hey, we've still got a few months to prepare for that

yeah i get that but like, ig it's just that you've got to weigh consequences or whatever. and i know that's such a cliche but idk how to word things sdfsdfsdfd i mean if you two don't have any mutual friends you could just straightup block him. see if you can get his IP address and block him from following you on your other social medias and stuff too. but i'm also proud of you for like, even planning to cut him off even if you haven't done it stuff, even just making up your mind to do so can be tough

GASPS betrayal.... ok to be fair the long necks ARE really cool but a stegosaurus's spine plate thingies, forgot what they're called, they're very iconic and i love them

we've never watched The Land Before Time, what do you like about it??

will do!!! do you want me to go back and change prev asks to Val or just start tagging you as Val from now on??

[transrightsjimin]

urgh im less upset abt grandma dying nd more upset abt my family being so fucking STUPID for acting like they cant do anything anymore during the pandemic nd inviting me for a christmas dinner nd my cousin saying they ‘should just do w/e we want instead of look at rules, because this loss is more important now’ nd the rest agreed O_O

like u fucking DUMBASSES, THE VIRUS IS THE FUCKING REASON GRANDMA DIED ND U WANT TO HAVE CHRISTMAS DINNERS ND MEET UP W THE WHOLE FAMILY IN 2021???? 

THE CONCEPT OF FORCED 'GEZELLIGHEID' ('cozy togetherness'?) IS LITERALLY WHAT IS HAVING PEOPLE KILLED IN THIS FUCKING COUNTRY 

also i feel fucking disgusted for letting my brother pull me in a hug (nd my mom hugged me too which i hate bc shes literally a risk group) bc hes a fucking fascist nd i saw him in a whatsapp group w antisemitic meme today nd i want to puke !!!!!!!

i dont want to fucking see my family during this pandemic but they always force me to be together w them bc thats considered 'GEZELLIG!!!' and normal and fun nd im too bad at saying no when im peerpressured, i fucking hate it nd don;t want my mom or other grandma to die bc of their dumbass behaviour by continuing to visit ppl inside their homes. they really talked about how different it was this cremation vs. decades ago at the same place bc “now we couldn’t enter at the same time nd people could touch each other and sit closely” LIKE U??? LITERALLY SAT NEXT TO PPL WHO DONT LIVE W U W 0 TO 30 CM DISTANCE BETWEEN EACH OTHER?? U LITERALLY HUGGED PEOPLE TODAY?? THERE WERE LIKE 40 GUESTS IN A WAY TOO TINY ROOM FOR THAT AMOUNT LIKE R U KIDDING ME??? I DONT WANT TO FUCKING SEE THIS EVER AGAIN. ALSO i wish death upon my brother but not rly bc it would hurt my mom nd his daughter but jfc i fucking hate him. also my cousin nd his dad are just like him. fascism is so normalized in dutch society nowadays idek where to draw the line between a person who is slightly bigoted nd the ‘never talk to a fascist‘ scenario jfc.

i always feel so fucking mixed abt my family urghfhgh like i truly do care abt my parents nd i guess one aunt nd uncle maybe but i dont want to fucking see them during this pandemic nd i preferrably dont see my brother either. but fuck i REALLY dont know how ppl cut family out of their lives bc i would have to pick and choose who i would stay in touch w but they all communicate to each other so u rly cant keep a secret. if i were to try to close off family i would need to delete my fb + ig bc i do have an aunt who keeps finding me there, nd i would need to never tell any of them my new address if i ever move. but also we never had a huge fallout so i dont think theyd get it?? nd my family on my mother’s side, aside from my american uncle nd aunt, all live rly close in either this city or one nearby so idek how you could avoid them. like im conditioned to care abt them but i honestly really dont care

i got invited by my parents to this christmas dinner over at their house and they didnt see the issue in inviting me, my friend, my brother and his daughter, “bc it’s legal to invite 3 people and children under 13 years don’t count [according to the legislation]” nd said ‘oh your friend will feel lonely on christmas if he’s just home alone‘ NO HE WON’T?? HOW DO U KNOW?? WILL IT LITERALLY KILL U TO TRY TO NOT KILL OTHER PEOPLE??

the only reason i cried at the cremation today was bc i thought of my mom dying nd having no idea what i would say in a speech then. like i dont remember my mom’s speech well but i was impressed how she said positive things abt her mom considering she was rly physically nd mentally abusive of her kids in the past nd left my mom scarred for life. it made me think when people deserved to actually be remembered for the ‘good’ stuff, just because fucking family is supposedly important. nd i just couldnt remember positive stuff abt my mom other than ‘i would miss her‘ but i couldnt think of what exactly i would miss abt her bc our personalities rly clash.

she rly stressed me out today, like she kept honking for the whole neighbourhood to hear bc i wasnt immediately outside when the car arrived in my street, nd at a certain moment said i should take a flower from the bouquet (tht was paid by the nephews nd nieces (minus me bc my parents paid it bc im broke)) nd so i did but then my aunt complained right beside me that she thought it was wrong that people just pulled out flowers ffrom the bouquet so i was like :( oh ok, but my mom kept yelling ‘NO TAKE MORE FLOWERS!! COME ON TAKE ANOTHER ONE!! PUT IT IN YOUR HOME!!‘ nd my aunt kept complaining nd i felt so guilty suddenly for having those flowers as i got more pushed into my hands by others. like my best friend has a rly chill family who srsly didnt pay visits at home or vice versa once nd im so jealous bc when your whole family understands how the fucking virus / social distancing works nd doesn’t look egocentrically only at the lax legislation or treat forced gezelligheid as the ultimate goal, it would prob be a lot easier to actually just not meet up. bc the question of meeting up or having to see each other all the fucking time isnt even a thing. but to him my family is rly weird nd strict while before him i only knew ppl w stricter parents nd i had the easy ones bc i was allowed to drink nd go out nd date even though i didnt want that. urgh im just in conflict nd feeling a bit desperate abt the ppl in this country. nd i worry abt my mom getting sick

[divinecuriosity]

Character Development Questions: Hard Mode-- BOG!!!! Al

ALL? is that what this is supposed to say. bc im gonna do All 

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with? He’s an only child! Maybe a few cousins his age, he probably was close with them before he went away!

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? Good, his moms really supported him to the point where he couldn’t do anything wrong in their eyes. Mom #1 was raised in a temple of Ioun, and is a half orc half elf. She works in the temple she and Bog’s other mom founded and tried to teach him to become a cleric like her, but once he voiced his desire to pursure the arcane she was happy to support that

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father  mother #2 like? Mom #2 was less ready to support the arcane, having converted to worshiping Ioun after meeting mom #1 and never really having a knack for magic. Both Bog’s moms see him as the perfect blessing he was intended to be and dont see any faults in him, and though they are hurt by his leaving they trust in their god and in him that it will be ok (not that he’s had contact with them to know that...)

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? YEs! He first stumbled upon magic when he started to just be able to Do Things, but there was a wizard to came to his town when he was a child and showed the kids magic tricks, and Bog came up to him one day and basically said “i can do that too! my mom doesnt know this bc im scared to tell her but here let me show you” and this like, seven year old half orc kid does some medium level spell and the Wizard was just like. damn we gotta teach u. 

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? Uhh, not much tbh? maybe some jerkey, a rag for sweat/cleaning things off, whatever coin he has on him? But he always has his drum on a sling over his shoulder, his flute on a chain around his neck, and in a trunk on the lower deck he has his spellbooks and Violin!

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? haahhhh he gets periodic visions from Ioun being like,,,, hello my Blessing hows the Doing God’s Work going?? oh youre still on a pirate ship in the middle of the ocean? thats chill like ur moms i think you are Perfect and fully believe you will get back to it eventually, go find some new Knowledge and fill up that brain of yours thanks ok bye

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? He doesn’t really get them I think? hes a happy guy

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? Do guns exist anna???

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? UHH hes a pirate now so. probably less consistent access to money ? he wasn’t rich at all like, medium middle class at best, but now its probably a lot more sporadic access to like , a lot more money

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? Uhh he wears the same thing like all the time just loose shirt and flowy pants and drum. if he doesnt have his drum he might as well be naked. But he probably hates having to dress in fancy clothes/layers bc Tactile Bad 

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? Uh he’s pretty Freaked Out now tbh, but probably the first storm they had at sea, or the night before he left Bard School

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? Hmmm, thats tough idk? Every time he plays music for a group of people and they chime in/dance/just pay attention he feels  p calm and good

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? Not really, he doesn’t like seeing people hurt but he isnt grossed out by it

Does your character remember names or faces easier? Names, they get confused when people change their hair or outfit rip

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not? They arent usually, but since being a pirate he kinda,,, goes along w it and has the mentality of “this is nice!” but its not rlly his end all

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? Happiness

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? Hmmm, probably drums

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Wisdom

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? They get crushes rlly easily and then get distant if the feelings arent returned bc they dont wanna talk about Hard Emotions bc they never...had too

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? They don’t compare themselves to others past like, oh they have more x than me and i wish i had more of that? More jealousy than him actually putting value to differences

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? Uhh nothing rlly, tragic happened but his whole thing is he has a destiny he doesnt feel like he earned and is running from it but also feels Immense guilt for doing that so, lots of self blame in this buddy

What does your character like in other people? They like people with passion for something

What does your character dislike in other people? Uhhh being rude to others (like more than a joke, when its obviously upseting them)

How quick is your character to trust someone else? Fairly quick, he needs more friends

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? Uhh idk tbh?

How does your character behave around children? He’s great with them for short periods but once he’s run out of little songs to play/sing and funny jokes he. gets anxious and gets out of there.

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? If its an authority figure? ANXIOUS! if its someone he sees as an equal / he has power over, hes more level headed

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? Uhh hes weak and slow so, p slow. even spell wise hes more about protecting his friends than damage

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? He’s pretty much always wanted to study magic and be a bard. maybe early early five yr old Bog dreamed of working at the temple

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? Uhh, standard icky stuff like x-phobias 

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. Playing for an Audience

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. Talking about feelings, especially ~romance~

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? A mix of willing to improve and self-deprecating, depending on whos doing the criticism

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? They move from solution to solution pretty fast, they arent super patient

How does your character behave around people they like? Trying to impress them and also not look dumb

How does your character behave around people they dislike? Glare glare glare

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? Honor ig?

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? Remove the problem

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? Uhh probably not? hes good w animals

How does your character treat people in service jobs? As well as he can!! 

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? EARN EARN EARN

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? Hmm, not really? 

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? nah

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? They say it really quickly and usually mean it, they just get close to people fast

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? He’s pretty sure if he manages not to Fuck it Up he’ll go to Ioun’s realm or whatever, but hes not sure hes gonna,,, not fuck it up,,, or that he even wants that? death scares him so he just doesnt think about it if he can manage

[sukisdeliveryservice]

helloo! how was your day milady? its always a pleasure reading your replies too! <333 and i hope you'll enjoy your hiatus :))

also idk i just find parrots rly pretty, and the way the supposedly repeat stuff you say is rly endearing too djhdjfhfb in all honesty, im pretty new to the whole baking thing, but i love making cookies :D they always smell so lovely djfjdjdj i'd love to explore and make more stuff!

you do digital drawing? :o id love to see something! only if you're comfortable sharing though ofc <3

mmm i haven't watched alot of tv shows really tbh. my favourite and the only one im invested in atm is friends, ive watched alittle of modern family and how i met your mother, but that's pretty much it ig jdndjdj

as for movies, i love the greatest showman! it hits a bit too close to home but i always love the goosebumps i get whenever i watch it :) next would be thor ragnorok, which ive mentioned before djjdjs but its just really funny and love it sm, and it was loki's turning point so bonus marks. black widow is also a new favourite <333 though i felt terrible when they were being tortured as kids, but it really showed a new perspective on natasha and her past. i also really like the notebook! everything was so sweet it rly nearly brought me to tears jsbdjdjjsh and finally the shawshank redemption! it was something i didn't rly think i would like, but i was really pleasantly surprised lmao. everything was pretty depressing but it also kinda blew my mind away :D

for songs, my no.1 song rn is nct dream's irreplaceable, idk why exactly but i love that song. i also have a thing for songs that are similar genres to baekhyun's un village, nct jaehyun's try again and jungkook's still with you, so those are three more though im not really sure if they're really the same genre anyways and its been almost a year now and i still cant get over how nct 127's boom makes me feel 💕

hmm for fics, i dont really remember everything i read, but i absolutely loved your ceo cheol fic 🥺 it was so cute and the way reader and cheol work perfectly together T-T most of the time fics like these consist of cold bosses who only show a little warmth to the reader, but cheol was so sweet throughout everything it just made everything so much more adorable and endearing. i really really loved it :'D <333

what are your top 5 of these? and also for the next question, have you ever

been to a concert?

sneaked out from your house?

gone through a one direction and/or bts phase?

had a crush?

had a pet?

performed in front of a crowd?

read a book/fic that you love so much you still think of it occasionally? (yes im asking for recs)

- 💎 anon who loves you lots!! <333

milady?? heh you sound like chat noir from miraculous ladybug (my guilty non guilty pleasure show) i was thinking carefully about these answers thats why it took so long!! i'm going to go to bed after this is posted hehe this is gonna be a long reply so take all the time you need to answer pfft- my day has been lovely thanks to this ask by the way!!

yeah i'd love to show you something!! there were a couple burried in my rambling tags but when we're allowed to turn off anon i'd love to show you!! do you have discord btw?? it might be easier to talk on there afterwards!!

ooh how i met your mother is probably my favourite sitcom!! maybe that and b99. its pretty long and the ending was erm...not good imo but i still think the long length was worth finishing!!

the movies you picked are lovely anon!! i am also a fan of the greatest showman since i am also a big fan of musicals!! it was pretty fast paced but overall the grandeur and visuals of it stunned me and the sountrack is amazing!! i haven't watched black widow but hopefully soon!! and i dont usually watch a lot of western films but i really want to check out the notebook as well!!

ahh your music taste is also exquisite!! so im guessing you're more into like soft pop/rnb kinds of songs!! i definitely listen to baekhyun's music before sleeping since his vocals really suit soothing songs. i really need to check out more of nct's music - hello future was really good!!

OMG ANON YOU READ MY CHEOL FIC??? i was so unsure about that one but it makes my heart squeeze that you read all of it and liked it :'D

okie so my top 5 (no particular order) i'm probably forgetting a few

tv shows - 1. HUGE atla fan!! i even liked legend of korra even though some poeple didn't 2. how i met your mother 3. horimiya 4. extraordinary you 5. yona of the dawn

movies - 1. your name 2. big hero 6 3. tangled 4. weathering with you 5. from up on poppy hill - literally any ghibli i've watched

books (sorry lots of these are manga) - 1. fruits basket 2. haikyuu!! 3. SNOW WHITE WITH THE RED HAIR (IT'S MY FAVOURITE EVERYTHING) 4. to all the boys i've loved before (it's very different from the movies) 5. i don't mean to bring up percy jackson since it's been years but those books are still everything to me

songs - 1. eight (iu, suga) 2. all my love (svt) 3. kidult (svt) 4. dandelions (ruth b) 5. somehow (day6)

thank you for asking anon! i loved listing these out! next to the never have i ever!!

been to a concert? NEVER!! waiting for svt to come to canada, they didn't list canada for ode to you :(((

sneaked out from your house? NEVER i've sneaked people into my house...

gone through a one direction and/or bts phase? I HAVE! bts but it was only for like a month before i fell in love with 13 men...

had a crush? soobin duh i'm beginning to realize now that maybe i've been more in love with the idea of love instead of harbouring genuine feelings // NEVER!!

had a pet? I HAVE!! multiple fishes...rip

performed in front of a crowd? I HAVE!! i've played the drums during school concerts and during a competition a few years back!!

read a book/fic that you love so much you still think of it occasionally?

for this last one i'm going to tie it in into my top 5 fics of all time!! (with mini reviews!!) i should make a masterlist of my recs honestly - when i compile all of my favourites i think that's when i've be brave enough to tag the writers fjdshfdkj

out of touch, out of time by @/by-moonflower // i read this months ago and my heart literally still sinks whenever it even crosses my mind. i don't think i've ever been so emotionally impacted by a fic before and this is my go to rec for anyone who wants to FEEL something. i don't wanna go in depth as to spoil it, so i'll just leave it at that for now.

outlasting the universe by @/by-moonflower // you know what i'm just gonna link their entire masterlist because all of their works (even the short drabbles) are just literary masterpieces. the way they write makes you feel so alive?? and everything just speaks for itself and is so authentic. they make you feel like you're wandering amidst a ghibli film, periof. authentic is the best word i can use to describe their work and this fic is just the definition of beautiful.

bluff and nonsense by @/thepixelelf // THIS FIC. it's my go to rec overall. it was so memorable had such good flow and just genuinely so genuine?? i have no other words to describe it, it's just so ,,, lovely. the plot takes you on a journey and it's woven together so seamlessly.

in a span of three months by @/viastro // i won't be surpprised if you've read this one already because this author is a true staple in the carat writing community and honestly all of their works are simple timeless. this one really hit the mark for the me the most though and i finished it all in one sitting.

wish by @chocosvt // goodness i'm a fan of hoshi fics aren't i? this one was also really memorable for me and i have read it several times!! friends to lovers but they really made the trope their own and added lots of twists and tadbits that gave it so much charm!! i would also rec this as a starter fic for svt :))

phew thank you for reading all of that anon, i really appreicate you taking the time to write such love responses and questions. now i'd like to know your answers for the same questions ,,, have you ever:

been to a concert?

sneaked out from your house?

gone through a one direction and/or bts phase?

had a crush?

had a pet?

performed in front of a crowd?

read a book/fic that you love so much you still think of it occasionally?

to add on:

been to a place/been in a particular mood after a specific event that you wanted to stay in forever?

written a piece of work that sparked energy within your fingertips!!

met a person/have someone in your life who you now just treasure so deeply?

this is getting super long we need to reveal our identities soon fkdsfkjlds

[shakingsphere]

i just like doing these

1. Do you like who you are? no ive never liked myself very much

2. What would people say about you at your funeral? i don’t know probably something about being smart and honest

3. What would you regret not doing in your life? i dont like thinking about my past but many not trying hard enough the first time i tried to od...

4. What’s the wisest thing you have ever heard someone say? idk 

5. What lessons in life did you learn to hard way? it took me a long time to learn when to quit

6. How often do your biggest worries and fears come true? they dont and i take too much lexapro to worry these days

7. If you had one year left to live, what would you try to achieve? i’d probably just travel

8. Do you serve money or does money serve you? i don’t think about money a lot as long as i can buy nic and coffee

9. Are you afraid of being your true self around others? Why? no. i dont thinks there’s a thing as a ‘true self’ just different versions of yourself

10. What are you grateful for? financial stability and being able to go to college 

11. Have you done anything you are proud of lately? nope! 

12. Have you made any recent acts of kindness? i doubt it!

13. If you knew that you would die tomorrow, what questions would you ask yourself? i’d just go to bed no point asking questions

14. If your biggest fears came true, would it matter in five years from now? yes. 

15. How would you describe yourself? depressed. but funny and smart ig

16. Do you take people’s advice? sometimes but i think taking advice is hard because im so bad at giving the full picture

17. Do you get quickly offended? not really, it depends

18. Do you consider yourself to be a likable person? no lol

19. ‘We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give’ – What does this mean to you? hard work i dont know

20. Are you enriching the lives of others? i doubt it

21. Are you living a meaningful life? no

22. What makes a meaningful life? contributing something and being happy

23. Would you ever give up your life to save another? depends on the person 

24. How much would you be willing to sacrifice for people in poverty? what do you mean? i’d pay higher taxes and stuff

25. If you could live one day over and over again, what would you choose to do? i wouldn’t want that

26. Do you think you are important and worthy of affection and love? no. 

27. What would make you feel more worthy? What do you believe needs to be different about you? i need to stop being sad

28. What brings you down the most often? boredom 

29. Would you rather work less (and do the things you enjoy) and have less money? yes

30. Where do you find peace? sitting by streams

31. What is the most important quality you look for in another person? sense of humor

32. What is your biggest dream in life? to be successful and respected

33. What is your biggest fear? failure

34. How would the world be different if you had never been born? it literally wouldn’t. my parents wouldn’t have daughters i guess. 

35. What life lessons do you wish you knew 10 years ago? i was a child i needed to learn first. 

36. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? join the track team

37. If your life was a movie, what would the title be? bedtime

38. If your life was a movie, would you enjoy watching it? depends on the director

39. What does success mean to you? i feel like i already answered this

40. If you could be a different person, who would you be? yes

41. What was the best day of your life? Why? i dont know probably my last real date with my ex...

42. What do you look forward to most in life? being happy one day

43. What bad habits do you want to ditch? i want to start keeping my room clean

44. Who do you look up to and why? my mom, shes just really hard working

45. Do you know your partners love language? i dont have a partner

46. Do the people you love most know how much you love them? im sure they do

47. Are you satisfied with the depth of your relationships? yeah

48. What do you owe yourself? sleep

49. Based on your current day-to-day life, what do you expect to achieve in 5 years from now? a MA!

50. Do you say ‘yes’ too often when you really want to say ‘no’? Why? yes, i dont get offered things very often so sometimes i feel like i have to say yes

51. What did you learn yesterday? i think my childhood friend is hot and we like the same anime lmao

52. What do you like about yourself? im smart

53. Would you consider yourself to be a generous person? yeah

54. Do you really listen when people talk to you? yes ofc

55. What is the number one change you need to make in your life this year? ugh i should probably quite vaping but maybe start working out again

56. How many hours per week do you spend on the internet? too many

57. What are your most common negative thoughts? Are they logical? im literally suicidal 

58. Do you think it’s too late to do certain things in your life? Why? yes because they’re things i would have had to start when i was younger but thats not important anymore.

59. If you could be the most influential person in the world, what would you change? redistribute wealth probably 

60. How much time do you spend with your family and friends? like a few hours a week. im not very social

61. Where do you want to be in 5 years from now? the east coast :)

62. Is your life complicated by unnecessary things? everyones life is

63. How can you simplify your life and focus on the most important things to you? bitch idk

64. What stresses you out? my sister

65. What makes life easier? having stuff i have to do

66. How often do you give without expecting anything in return? occasionally 

67. What is your greatest challenge? mental illness luv

68. What is most important to you in life? Are you giving it the time it deserves? idk idk

69. If you could send a message to the world, what would you say in 30 seconds? i dont have anything to say to the world. maybe redistribute the wealth?

70. What do you most regret never telling someone? that i loved them. 

71. When was the last time you tried something new? sucking balls 

72. Are you afraid to speak your own opinion? no

73. Do you give into others too often and feel resentful because of it? no

74. Are you holding onto something that you need to put behind you? probably

75. How often do you let your fears hold you back? i dont

76. Do the people in your life bring the best out of you? some do some don’t

77. How often do you make excuses? i try not to

78. What is one mistake that you will never do again? dating someone who couldn’t really commit then

79. Which is worse, failing or never giving it a shot? never trying

80. What has grown you the most as a person – your challenges and trials or the comfortable yet enjoyable moments in life? the challenges

81. If you could choose to have no more challenges or obstacles in life, would you? no what a pointless life. 

82. In one word, what is standing between you and your biggest goal? time and hard work!

83. How often do you go to bed feeling angry? i dont

84. Would it be wrong to steal in order to feed a starving child? no 

85. If you paid more attention to the sad things in this world, would you feel more conflicted about it? no

86. If we learn from our failures, then why is it so bad to fail? because its a sucky feeling and its embarassing to want something and not be able to get it

87. What could you pay more attention to in life? my cats

88. Why do we think of others the most when they’re no longer around? sad maybe

89. What does it look like to make the most of your life? idk i’ve never tried. maybe ill start a vlog channel on youtube

90. What have you given up on? eating more than 2x a day

91. How many people do you truly love and what are you doing for them? 4 or 5 and idk not worrying them

92. Do you ask enough questions, or are you happy to settle for what you already know? i think asking questions is a good thing

93. What were you doing when you last lost track of time? tiktok

94. Do you think you would be happy if you never had to work again? i think i would be bored

95. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? a baby

96. If you could ask for one wish, what would it be? to be good at math

97. What inspires you in life? idk art

98. What can you not live without the most? water

99. What do you enjoy doing over and over again? sleeping

100. When did you last laugh so much it hurt? i dont know

101. What is stopping you from living the life you want to live? the actual life i live

[fictional-scenarios]

Oooooooooo could you write a sequel to Kuroo angst you poster recently??????

sure thing! -mod cassie

It took nearly two weeks for you to look at him, and about a month for you to start answering his texts. Though Kuroo knew exactly what he did and how it affected you, some other apathetic part of him felt as though you were drawing out a needless punishment. Sometimes in the later hours of the night he’d find himself entirely pissed off for how guilty you were making him feel, fingers itching to send you that mile long text that would start in a ‘sorry’ and end in a ‘grow up’. However once those nights passed and he saw you wandering to your class that anger would shrivel and beneath it that same regret would resurface, his pride once again making a show and urging him to turn the opposite direction.

The first time you finally gave him a half wave when he walked into the building his heart nearly flipped. It was just a wave and a half hearted one at that, but you were acknowledging him at least. He’d wave back in earnest and sometimes would even directly say ‘good morning’ but usually you never replied to them. When you finally came around and do did he, he had to bite back apologizing over and over again, fearful he’d scare you off. Instead he just waved to you whenever he could or offered a friendly smile whenever his hands were full, grateful you’ve return the gesture.

When you never answered his pathetic apology, he’d send you one about three days later, a stupid ‘hey, you alright?’ Unsurprisingly you didn’t answer that one either. So, when you finally did, he felt like he’d double over in his seat. Though the night was over and he was just getting ready to get up from studying and head to bed, he still felt his throat go dry at his phone lighting up, your name displaying over the screen.

‘hey’

He was so fast to respond it amazed him that he didn’t make any spelling errors, not that he’d checked at all when he hit send and then made his way under the covers. 

‘hey’

Your name lit up again, his phone vibrating and his breath leaving him.

‘do you have time to talk’

He almost replied with ‘anything for you’ but instead sent a simple, ‘yeah, sure, whats up’. He felt horrible in acting as though he had no idea what was going on, like he totally wasn’t expecting you to already be chewing his ass out for being such a hardass to you back after the game.

It took you a few moments to answer and in those long minutes Kuroo’s anxiety grew with every second. 

‘i just wanted to say i was sorry for ignoring you these past few weeks. i wish i had an excuse but i dont’

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Sure in the times where he’d get angry at you he’d imagine you apologizing but actually seeing it in front of his eyes made him feel even worse than before. He’d exploded on you for just trying to help, and even after that he was just as much in the wrong (if not more) for not manning up and apologizing right away. Instead he chose to give you the silent treatment as well.

‘it’s fine, really. im sorry too for being a dick and for saying all those things to you. i dont have an excuse either, i just hope you can forgive me’

Sometimes Kuroo wished he could sound more genuine as he read his reply, feeling like he was speaking way too casually to sound like he was as sorry as he was. He was afraid you would think he was just talking out of his ass, like he didn’t actually give a damn about how you felt and was just going with it. When you replied he was almost scared the only thing you’d had sent would be a big, fat, ‘no’, but it wasn’t.

‘i forgive you.’ 

Even though it was late and his mind felt fried from all the practice and studying, he still leaned his head back against the pillow, phone clutched to his chest while he grinned. A weight had been lifted off his shoulder and though he knew these messages wouldn’t solve everything it was the most relieving thing to see those words. You forgave him. As he brought his phone up to his face, squinting at the brightness, he smiled all over again and sighed at your answer before sending his own.

‘thank you, ___, seriously. that means a lot to me even if it doesn’t seem like it.’

His room was dark save for his screen illuminating, but he’d never felt so content in his whole life. He still had some guilt clinging to his shoulder, eating away at him slowly, but for the moment he truly felt like you two could finally start getting somewhere again. The fear of potentially ruining any chance of being with you greatly damaged a lot of Kuroo’s persona, so much so that even his teammates asked him occasionally if he was feeling alright. That ‘fateful’ night replayed in his mind over and over again, his head creating alternate pathways on what he could have, or should have, taken and where they could have led him. 

‘im glad it does. i miss you a lot tbh’

You sounded just as casual as he did and maybe that wasn’t a bad thing, since it made talking a lot easier than just spilling emotions and crying out ‘im sorry’s every few seconds. Kuroo stared at the ceiling, closing his tired eyes and smiling again.

‘i missed you too’

A few more minutes passed after his reply and you still hadn’t answered, and for some ungodly reason Kuroo feared he may have made things awkward, and once again he almost dreaded reading your message when his phone alerted him.

‘hey i know we havnt talked in awhile but do you maybe want to hang out sometime this week? if u dont wanna thats find i just think it would nice to catch up or something idk’

He actually laughed quietly, head tipping back again after reading your question. Even though the circumstances were less than desirable it was cute to him, and he was still smiling as he answered back.

‘that sound awesome, where do you wanna go?’

‘hows that one place by the corner store sound? i heard its good’

‘it sucks’

‘oh haha, how about that one we used to go to together a lot? i cant remember the name either oops’

Kuroo licked at his lips, remembering how often you two would eat out after he was out from practice. He didn’t like it too much but when you were there with him, it was his favorite. 

‘sounds great. we can catch up on stuff cant we?’

‘yeah’ 

You sent another right after.

‘like i said i really missed you. sorry ive been so mean :(’

His heart fluttered again as he typed away, hesitating before sending. 

‘its fine, really, i was the jerk. im just glad we’re talking again, and im also happy to be revisiting our place again. eating at our place is way more fun isnt it?’

‘haha, our place sounds about right.’

It felt good to be saying ‘our place’, it made him feel like you two were right back to being the close knit friends you always were, even if a lot of it was spent on him pining for you and wishing you felt the same way.

‘so its a date then?’

Kuroo nearly choked when he read your message, heart doing flips as he sat up and re-read your text to make sure he wasnt mistaking it on accident.

‘a date?’ He sent, hands nearly shaking. He definitely hadn’t misread your text, but it felt too good to be true. 

‘oh sorry, would you rather it not be? ig that makes sense given we havnt been talking… we can just hang out haha’

‘NO a date is fine. thats even better than just hanging out.” His entire body felt weightless, nearly feeling like he had whiplash from your sudden question and how lucky he had gotten. He was excited to be just conversing with you again but going on a date? Finally doing something he’d been dreaming of? Again, the context was less than desirable but he still beamed at the chance. 

‘alrighty then, i cant wait! ill see you at school tomorrow right kuroo? at our spot?’

Your spot being the tree a little outside the gates of school, the place where you’d met because he bumped into you while not paying attention since he was too busy harassing Kenma on not making too many friends despite it only being the first week of highschool. You were prepared to be hit and almost fell over, and would have hit the dirt if he hadn’t managed to grab onto your arm. It hurt and left a bruise but after that day you two became pretty close.

‘yeah, our spot.’

‘get some rest then, see you tomorrow (:!”

He sighed in delight, imaging seeing you tomorrow and thinking of all the things he could say to you. 

‘see you tomorrow, ___.’

Kuroo clicked his phone off when you didn’t answer back, probably heading to sleep with the same butterflies in your stomach. He wanted to feel mature and cool, but he couldn’t stop himself from flipping on his side and holding a pillow tight in his arms, body wrapping around it while he grinned into the plushness. 

Once again those scenarios started racing in his head but they weren’t an offspring of regret and what he could have done. Now, it was excitement, the things that he could and would do when he saw you the next morning.

[danisnotofire]

Do you have any advice for writing? I used to do it all the time but then I just didnt have time for it anymore. And now I want to get back into it and I keep trying to write, but Im hit with this overwhelming doubt/anxiety that it sucks. And I dont plan on posting my writing anywhere so I dont understand why Im so nervous about writing to the point where I want to cry and cant do it. And I really want to work through it but its just so difficult. Any advice? -🌳

i’m not sure how good i’ll be at giving advice on this, because i often feel the same way!!! 

but ig that leads me to my first point, anon, and that is, you have to understand that that anxious feeling never really goes away. sometimes you feel better about it, sure, and sometimes you’ll write something and know you were meant to write it, but 98.7% of the time you will be screaming and crying into ur document and thinking you’ve been a failure and faking any ability to write this whole time. you have to understand that that’s all part of it. but you have to understand: it doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer. i really think you have to internalize that if u ever wanna write anything. 

the best thing to get over feeling awkward and robotic is to separate yourself from what you’re writing. when i got back into writing fic (it’d been like, legit 4 years lmaooo) it was hard to put myself aside and stop feeling weird about writing it. i felt that same stiffness/awkwardness when i started journaling too. the best thing you can do for it is just understand that nobody is going to read it unless you want them to. it’s not going anywhere. the only person who’s gonna judge it is you. 

once you get over that, write as much as fucking possible. it doesn’t need to be a lot. it can be a sentence. it can be a few hundred words. it can be a fuckin novel. just write something. the only reason i’m VAGUELY good is because i’ve been doing it for a longass time. 

i’ve been writing creatively on and off since like,,, third grade. i’m now a sophomore in college. you just gotta churn out as much content as possible. i promise you, eventually it will be good. 

if you can, i think writing classes are actually super helpful for this. i used to kind of shun them and look down on them because i thought somebody teaching me how to write would take away my own style. it actually helped me refine it, mostly because it got me into writing again after going so long without it. i was forced to write every week for a whole semester, and it kind of became a habit that i continued all through the summer.

fun fact: i don’t think no such mirrors would exist in the form it does now if i hadn’t taken that class!!

BUT: I get that classes aren’t always available to you. there are definitely ways u can get urself in that habit!!! you can do nanowrimo (which i did my freshman and sophomore years of high school, where you write 50k in 30 days just to pretty much see if you can. i CANNOT recommend nanowrimo enough. up until no such mirrors, that was my proudest artistic accomplishment)

FIND TIME TO WRITE WHENEVER, WHEREVER YOU CAN. you are going to have to sacrifice certain things to find time to write, but that’s all part of it. i struggled in doing this when i started school this semester because i went from having mostly my entire week free to having like, zero time to write, which is why it took a month for no such mirrors to update. it also sucked because writing makes me feel better about myself, because it helps me be a more productive member of society or something, and so, although it was hard, it became super important to me to find a time to fit that back into my schedule (i ended up carving out a few hours after my last class of the day on MWF, which happened to be my english class with a prof whomst i ADORE, so i always left feeling super inspired. and now i usually go to the silent floor of the library for a few hours and pound out a few thousand words. it’s not ideal, and ofc i’d rather be taking a nap or decompressing from class, but at least it’s something!) 

i know this is harder to do, but i really do think posting your work helps!! i love writing fic because you get INSTANTANEOUS feedback on your skills, and it helps you develop them in a (largely) positive and supportive atmosphere. the people who are reading fic are the people who WANT to like it, who are just desperate for any content they can get. it’s such a good space to learn and grow as a writer (i started writing and posting fic when i was like, 12 years old. my percy jackson days. pre-tumblr. lmao #neverforget) 

i know this is SUPER FUCKING CHEESY, but another thing that helps you become a better writer is to read as much as possible. read anything. read fanfiction from authors you admire. read YA novels. read children’s books. read the classics. 

and then, (and this is something i will shamelessly do lol), pick your favorites, and try and mimic their style as an exercise!!! i recently read james joyce’s “a portrait of the artist as a young man” for class. it’s now one of my favorite books. and so what i did was go to google docs and pound out a few hundred words just trying to mimic the style. it ended up being a weird 1500-word-wip. most of it is garbage, but i wrote lines i’m really fucking proud of. 

obviously don’t like, plagiarize. but what i’ve come to understand is that you can learn something from everything you read. whether it’s a certain type of metaphor, or a kind of characterization, or the art of simplicity, or a way of writing dialogue, or a stylistic thing. and by mimicking that style as a writing exercise or using their style as inspiration for your own work, you help refine what you like, and what your style is. 

i will never be james joyce. that’s pretty obvious. but my version of james joyce is its own style of writing altogether, and it’s not necessarily bad! it’s its own style that i can then learn bits and pieces from later on. to me, writing is this weird ungodly mix of natural ability/learned style and compiling what you like about other authors into your own work. it’s a messy process, but eventually you will churn out something you like. and that’s what matters: producing content that you enjoy. everything else will come in time. (did i think anybody would read engagement sequence? uh, no. i hoped they would, and honestly i do wish that fic was recognized more than it was (bc any author who says they don’t care about feedback is LYING) but mostly i was writing it because i had SO MUCH FUN writing that fic. i’m probably most proud of that piece of writing out of everything i’ve ever written. it came from me combining poetry and prose into this weird pseudo mix of both) 

another thing that’s easier said than done: DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER AUTHORS. this is something i CONSTANTLY struggle with (to the point where i get SUPER down on myself if i’m not getting the same amount of anons asking about my work or comments or kudos or fuckin’ whatever). it’s something i CONSTANTLY have to work on, but it’s so so important, and the sooner you start working away from this habit the better off you’ll be. 

if anything, USE these authors as people to learn from!! ask them questions about their process!! read their works and take note of what worked really well and how they executed it, so maybe you can incorporate that into things that you write later on. 

IMPORTANT: COMMENT ON WORKS. COMMENTING ON WORKS DOESN’T ONLY BENEFIT THE AUTHOR, BUT IT ALSO BENEFITS YOU AS A WRITER. commenting helps you specify and work out EXACTLY what you liked about a certain piece. even if you don’t think it does anything, it actually puts words to specific things that you like, which then helps you incorporate it into your own writing. also?? long, thoughtful comments make an author’s fuckin DAY. someone once left like an 8 paragraph review on my fic, and i could. not. stop. rereading. it. for the better part of a week. TRULY. 

take yourself less seriously. honestly. as much as it kind of sucks, writing is supposed to be fun and ultimately, it’s supposed to be rewarding. let yourself experiment with style and dialogue and characterization. who fucking cares? i wrote 300 words about spaghetti steam as a metaphor for jeremy’s parents’ divorce the other day. it doesn’t matter! nobody will read it!! that’s what editing is for.  

it also might help to talk about your writing process!! i know i love doing this, and i see loads of other authors do it too. it’s so, so, so fun to complain about writing, because writing is really fucking hard. even the pieces that come easiest to me are still a pain in the ass to write. 99.99% of the time i write, i would rather be doing something, anything else. who wants to sit and cry into a computer screen? nobody in their right mind. ya do it because you love it, and you love the final product and you love seeing what you’re able to do, what you’re capable of creating. 

if you’re having trouble starting, pick literally the first thing that comes to mind and write as much or as little as you fuckin’ want. remember, you’re in control! you can do as much or as little as you want. when i started writing no such mirrors, i had NO IDEA it was gonna become what it was. i started the fic with jeremy throwing a baseball up in the air and some random dialogue. i didn’t know what role everybody else was gonna play. i didn’t know it was gonna turn into an actual fucking novel. i had no idea! i just had the idea of jeremy laying on his back and tossing a baseball into the air repeatedly. why? i legitimately could not tell you! but it worked. it felt right and natural and easy, and here we are 72k later. 

that being said, IT’S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL RIGHT AND NATURAL AND EASY! you’re just gonna have to write through that! it’s gonna fucking suck a lot of the time, especially with longer works! i fucking hate certain chunks of no such mirrors, to the point where i can’t even bear to look at them. 

this leads into another point, which is….

you’re going to feel like you’re faking it. that’s okay. keep writing. i doubt in my abilities every. goddamn. day. i reread my fics probably daily and can’t understand why anybody would like them, half the time. i feel like the characters’ interactions are forced and awkward and unnatural, i think the dialogue is boring, i think their feelings don’t feel real and i don’t feel like their motivations have depth. i feel like the plot is hanging on with masking tape and thread. every author will feel this way at some point or another. i know that sounds fake, because i’ll read posts like that from my favorite authors and can’t believe they would write anything except perfection. so you have to remember, it’s in your head most of the time. 

however, that’s not to say you’re perfect. you aren’t. there’s no such thing as a perfect writer. sometimes it’s healthy to listen to that voice in your head to try and improve. you just can’t let it become the loudest part of your writing process. 

so yeah! those are my writing tips!! that was a lot and im really sorry if it was all cliche and cheesy bullshit, but i promise they work, or at least help a little bit!! 

i hope you can get out of ur slump, because i love writing so much and hope i never stop doing it (even if i say i hate it l o l) and i really hope you can get to the point where you feel comfortable saying the same

[dreamin-of-somewhere-else]

The Secret [2]

Part 1

I got numerous requests to write a part 2 for this (which made me really happy), specifically for some Dean angst, and who am I to turn that down?

Characters: Winchester Brothers x sister!reader

Words: 2900 (I may have gotten a bit carried away, oops.)

[Angst, A bit of blood, Guilt] - But nothing too bad, I wouldn’t say.

Tags: @daughters-and-winsisters, @evyiione

A/N: Also, I just finished this, which might be a bit rushed, so sorry about any misspellings that I failed to notice. I just really wanted to get this up right now!

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Dean always knew Sam had a more complex way of seeing the world of monsters and supernatural creatures. Himself, Dean had adopted John’s more black and white way of thinking. It was just easier that way, because although he admired Sam for that sometimes, he could get annoyed too. It was just harder doing what they do if you chose to let the shades of grey in.

But, this situation was different. Because now it was personal. It was family. And that was the reason for Dean not doing anything about it. He was angry at himself for it, but he didn’t know what to do.

The door to the bunker opened with a creak, and then a heavy slam echoed through the building as it closed. The noise brought Dean out of his thoughts, and he instantly got off his bed to greet Sam, who was the only person it could be.

Even though Dean really liked the bunker, it had some disadvantages. One of them was that he couldn’t keep track of Sam as well as he used to. He had noticed that Sam was gone, but never when he left. Let’s just say it was a big change from the motel rooms.

Dean and Sam had moved into the bunker only days after they parted with you. And even though they moved, traces of you were everywhere. Your old pair of worn and dirty converse stood parked by the door, still, even though you never took them off there. Other stuff of yours — like books, sketch blocks, clothes, your old mp3 player — it was all left in a room you’d never been in. You never left it there. Sam and Dean brought them. Even though it had been over a month — they couldn’t cut you out of their lives. Not permanently. Not yet.

”Hey,” Dean acknowledged Sam as the younger walked down the stairs to the main, living room.

”Hi.”

That was a little stiff, maybe.

”So, what were you doing?” The blond Winchester then questioned, wondering what his little brother had been up to.

”Just… Just in town, checking it out.” Sam shrugged, walking past Dean through the large hall.

Dean did not believe that.

”Oh, come on, Sam. Where were you, really?”

”Why do you need to know?” Sam called out in response, while Dean started following him through the building.

”Why do you need to keep things from me?” Dean retorted, not giving in. He could sense when Sam wasn’t telling the whole truth after over two decades, closer to three, with the kid.

Sam didn’t answer.

”Is this about—” Dean had a hunch, and he decided to venture asking. ”—her? It is about (Y/N), isn’t it?”

Sam groaned as he came to a stop. Dean watched his shoulders rise and then lower down again, until Sam spun around to face his older brother.

”Might be.”

Dean groaned too now. ”Sam, she lied to us.” He still felt unbelievably betrayed, the single thought about it physically pained him.

”Yeah, and I understand her.” Sam spat, rocking an expression that screamed ’I’m freakin’ tired with your shit.’ The tired, disbelieving little smile shared similarities with the ’bitch face’, but this look was far more serious. ”You need to cut her some slack. It’s not her fault she isn’t like us.”

”But she pretended like nothing was wrong for years. She could’ve just told us from the beginning!” Dean defended himself, eyes round and accusingly staring at Sam.

”Sure, but what’s done is done. She’s the one who’s out there, alone!” Sam argued, his arms spreading out wide as he spoke, frustration with the situation showing through his body language.

”Sam, she’s a kitsune. We’re supposed to hunt those.” Dean tried to justify his actions, even though he wasn’t entirely happy with the way he had handled the situation.

”How long will it take for you to realize? Yes, she’s not human. Yes, she’s a supernatural creature. But Dean, for god’s sake, get over it!”

Dean blinked.

”Dean, we are hunters. Hunters are taught to hunt supernatural things, right?” He didn’t give his brother time to answer, because Dean already knew. ”Well, that means others are going to hunt her down sooner or later.”

Dean was taken back. He surely hadn’t thought of that. He had considered you being a danger, but not in danger.

”I’ve been out trying to find her, okay?” Sam continued. ”And I suggest you make up your mind if you want to see her again, before someone finds her and kills her. Because you know very well that it can happen.”

The oldest struggled to process the new piece of knowledge as guilt started to wash over him, even more than before. He shook his head to himself, running his hands through his hair. For you to get slaughtered by hunters was not what he wanted.

”Dean, it’s still her.” Sam now spoke in a softer voice. Dean already understood. ”The girl we know, the girl who lived with us, the girl in your memories. Since she didn’t tell us for years and she’s been a kitsune all that time — it proves that it doesn’t matter. She’s still herself, the same as she’s always been — we just know more about her. And you know how bad it’s out there. If we can hunt kitsunes without a problem, so can others.”

A moment of silence passed.

”I’ve screwed things up haven’t I?” Dean then muttered, both to Sam and to himself. ”I’ve just made it much worse that it has to be.”

”I understand, I felt betrayed too. Who would have thought (Y/N) was a supernatural creature. (Y/N), of all people.” Sam let out a humorless laugh. ”But, the world is complicated. There’s shades of grey everywhere. I know you see things the way Dad taught you, I do too at times, but we need to believe in what we see, not what he said. Supernatural doesn’t equal bad.”

Dean nodded. ”We need to fix this, Sam. I mean, I don’t know if we ever can fix things between us… B-but, we should keep her safe, at least. You’re right, and I’m with you.”

Dean hurried after the silhouette in front of him. It was one month later, and Dean could have sworn it was you. He and Sam had searched, what it felt like, every inch, and then you just appear out of nowhere. Well, if it was you, Dean wasn’t completely sure. But, he wasn’t letting go until he was.

The young woman in front of him shot a look over her shoulder, and Dean quickly hid himself against the closest wall, invisible in the darkness of the alley.

Then, she looked forward again and hurried on, and Dean followed. He knew now. It was you, he could tell by the hair, the clothes, the silhouette and the facial structure all together. It was just scraps and pieces, he couldn’t see well through the darkness of the alley. But, it was enough.

So, he picked up the tempo, to catch you before you exited the alley, disappearing around the corner, possibly gone forever. This might be Dean’s only shot and he wasn’t going to mess it up. Not like he messed it up the last time you saw each other.

Dean’s steps got louder, heavier, and you noticed it. You walked faster. Dean was running. You weren’t — you were too tired. Dean caught up with you, and placed his hand on your shoulder and spun you around.

He was in for a rollercoaster of emotions.

First he was felt indescribable relief. It was actually you, his hand was on your shoulder. At last, after days where Dean didn’t even think of anything else than that he might never see you again.

The next emotion was uneasiness, once he saw your eyes that stared back at him, open wide. They were still the same, beautiful color, but the pupils were different. They were outstretched, like a cat’s — or a fox’s. A lump formed in Dean’s stomach and it took everything he had not to flinch.

The uneasiness intensified and transformed into worry once he saw your hands. They were covered in dark crimson. Drying blood — everywhere. Dean found himself wishing badly that you hadn’t hurt anyone. Although it didn’t seem like you, Dean didn’t know for sure, this was new territory for him.

But the worry transformed into fear, after he intuitionally lifted your jacket — to reveal a huge bloodstain on your shirt. He immediately grabbed your upper arms with both hands, as if he was scared you would collapse any moment.

”(Y/N)?” He asked, voice trembling and his eyes pooling with concern. His eyes wandered off the bloodied shirt, and came to a stop by the gaping whole in the fabric over your chest. Underneath a nasty wound showed itself, digging deep into your ribcage.  

”Dean?” Your voice was filled with disbelief. You were more focused on Dean being back than your own state.

”You bet.” Dean smiled just a little but it reached nowhere near his eyes. ”(Y/N), you’re hurt, I—”

”I-I know. It was a… close call.” You interrupted, panting. ”If it wasn’t for the fighting skills you taught me… I p-probably wouldn’t be standing here. So thanks for that.” Your voice wasn’t angry but it wasn’t happy either. It was lacking most traces of emotion.

”Can I do something—”

”No, it’ll heal… Just hurts right now.” You interrupted once again.

”Was… Was it hunters?” Dean was scared to ask. He hoped with all his heart that it wasn’t. That Sam wasn’t right about you being in constant, serious, danger.

”Three of them.” You spoke, looking at Dean with a blank expression.

Dean shook his head to himself, anger and guilt welling up inside. He felt a burning desire to find those sons of bitches and make them pay for this.

An awkward silence fell over you two, and you raised your eyebrows at how Dean still seemed unsure and uneasy. His glance was wobbly and hands slightly trembling.

”What?”

”Your eyes…” Dean murmured.

You instantly took your gaze away from him and stared down at the asphalt. You hadn’t even noticed your eyes, probably because the pain in your chest overtook everything.

”Why are you here?” You then asked. By the way he had acted the last time you saw each other, that night on the hunt, you had expected to never see him again.

He had told you that he killed those like you, and now, here he was wondering about the bloodstains on your shirt that those like him had caused.

”I’m so sorry.” He blurted out, his voice cracking. You lifted your gaze to look at him, and saw the pain radiating from his eyes. ”I’m so, so, sorry.”

Too surprised to speak, you remained quiet.

”I messed everything up.” Dean drew an unsteady breath. ”You’re our family. And it shouldn’t have taken me 2 months and Sam yelling at me to realize that.”

You nodded, lost for words, still.

”W-what you are… We can work around it. You’re still you. A-and I don’t want you out on your own, where hunters can get to you.”

You let out a weak, humorless laugh. ”Me neither.”

”I’m so sorry. I-I wish I could take it back, what I said.”

You nodded. It was quiet for a moment before you spoke up.

”You and Sam— You kinda… are my only family.” You fumbled with your words. ”Well — I don’t have any real family, but…”

”No, (Y/N), Sam and I are your real family. If you still want us to be.” Dean offered tentatively, although his eyes pleadingly screamed for you to please let them be your family.

You nodded. ”Yeah… I-I would like that.” The corners of your lips curled into a small smile.

”Thank you.”

”You don’t have to thank me.” You objected, slightly frowning.

”I do.” Dean assured you. ”This is all my fault, and I don’t deserve—”

”Hey, Dean!” You stopped him. ”Don’t guilt yourself to death, okay?”

Dean closed his mouth and nodded.

”I forgive you.”

”You do?” He asked in disbelief.

”I do. Now, where’s Sam?” You then questioned, changing the topic.

As on queue, Dean’s cellphone rang.

”Speaking of the devil.” He declared, with the trace of a smirk on his face. You felt a some of the weight on your shoulders lift when you saw it — it made Dean looked more like his usual self — something you didn’t even know you wanted to see. ”Hiya, Sammy.” Dean answered the phone.

You were quiet while Dean talked to Sam. You had good hearing, better than both of them knew, but you didn’t bother listening in on the conversation. Instead you just took in the moment.

It had gotten considerably darker since Dean found you, the last of the sunlight had settled below the horizon. It was pretty quiet, although you could hear a car somewhere in the distance. A couple talking as they walked down the street the alley you stood in eventually opened up to. You kept your eyes on the opening between the tall buildings as you waited for the two to walk into your view as you heard their voices growing louder. But instead — someone else stepped into the opening of the alley. Someone far better.

”Sam,” you whispered as your eyes met with his hazel ones. Meanwhile, he lowered the phone and hung up.

”(Y/N)!” He exclaimed as relief filled his eyes, although concern soon fought it off.

He started running towards you.

”Are you hurt?” Sam’s voice was stressed, trembling, as he stared at the blood.

”I’m going to be fine.” You smiled. You were so happy to see him — to see them both. The resentment you felt towards Dean when he showed up had melted off you. You were tired of being angry. Instead, you let the euphoria overtake you.

The relief returned to Sam’s eyes, and he became the representation of how you were feeling. He let out a laugh as he threw his arms around you, and clutched you tightly against his chest. You held in a groan as your wounds still hurt a bit, but you didn’t want him to let you go — not for the world.

Dean watched with admiration in his eyes. His brother and his sister, reunited. Two of the people Dean kept closest to his heart.

”I’m so sorry.” Sam spoke, and you felt his voice rumble through his chest. ”Oh god, I thought for sure someone had gotten to you…”

”Sam, it’s okay.” You reassured him. ”I forgive you, and even if someone tried — I can assure you that I’m not easy to kill. Promise.”

”Okay,” Sam nodded, and let out a deep breath. You felt his heartbeat slow down to a more normal, calm, rate. ”I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

Then he let you go, and you looked over at Dean, who was watching over you with round, soulful green eyes. You couldn’t stop yourself, before you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around his upper body.

After hugging him for a moment, you stepped back. ”I’m sorry I lied for years.”

”We’re sorry for what we said and leaving you.” Sam countered.

”What about we just forget it?” Dean offered, and both you and Sam nodded. ”Let’s go home, instead.”

You rose your eyebrows, the way Dean said home got you curious, as if there was something you had missed.

”We have something to show you.” Dean explained, anticipation in his eyes, and you smiled.

What could it be?

Arriving at the bunker, you felt the excitement grow inside of you. An actual home. Dean and Sam watched your reaction with smiles on their faces.

Now, you would have walked around and explored the building — if you weren’t exhausted. It had been a long day — heck, months — and the run in with the hunters that came after you had taken a toll on you. Sure, you were a kitsune, more powerful than any human, but your body had used up most of its energy healing itself. And now, you were ready to turn in for the night.

Sam and Dean saw this, and understood. So, Dean looped his arm through yours and began leading you towards his room. You would soon get your own room, of course, the bunker had a lot of space, but for now his and Sam’s were the only ones with made beds, so for the night, it would have to do.

Entering the room, you immediately crashed down onto the bed, and Dean gently pulled the covers  over you. You flipped over to your stomach and instinctively pulled the blankets over you head, snuggling into the bedding, just like you always did.

Just as Dean thought you were out, you spoke up. ”I love you, Dean.”

Dean felt how your words tugged at his heartstrings. ”I love you too, (Y/N).”

He smiled and ran a hand over your hair.

You shifted a bit, and snuggled in further under the covers. ”Tell Sammy I love him too.” You added, mumbling. Then, you nodded off into sleep.

Of course Dean would tell Sam that, because just like Dean, Sam probably needed to hear it again.

And even though Dean still kind of felt like he didn’t deserve it, he was beyond happy to hear you say it; that you loved him. Because, he loved you too.

[oneustual-moving]

for your most recent ask game! this is obvious but oneus! and perhaps onewe if you’d like?

ANON THANK UUUUU I AM HOLDING HR HAND. also omg honored and obsessed that its “obvious” to ask me abt oneus now. this is my legacy and i am 100% okay with it thabk u. i’ll do both weus though bc i do love them both !!

onewe:

do i stan them? yes ALMOST !! | only for the music | attempting to | no

i already know so much abt them i just need to Officially stan whatever that means. but im just not as familiar w them as i am w oneus atm!! but their music is everythinf and theyre so good and funny and talented :,)

who or what caught my attention: 100% harin i watched an mv and was like Who Is The Drummer….. him <3

why i want to stan: i already love their music & the members & like its oneus’s brother group so its about time

what i already know about them: debuted in 2019 !! oneus’s brother group. theyre under rbw they have 5 members. yonghoon (leader & main vocal) harin (drummer) dongmyeong (keyboard) cya (bass & rapper & maknae) & kanghyun (guitar). theyre a band not an idol group. dongmyeong is a minute older than dongju. (ik a lot of like Basic facts just i have to get into the members & behind the scenes stuff yknow !!)

current fave member: YONGHOON LISTEN 😭😭 in ‘i will debut’ when they were busking in busan & his mom showed up and he started crying and then went up and sang to her i got so emotional it was soooooo 😭😭💗💗 him……

question for veteran fans: what series should i watch to get to know them more ?? like behind the scenes or variety stuff!

———

oneus:

do i stan? yes | only for the music | attempting to | no

i mean…….. [silently stares at my pfp & my url & my pinned & my carrd & the intro to oneus carrd i worked on for days]…. yeah lmao theyre my ult bg (like other than mx since mx will always be no1 u know how it is). anyways stan oneus theyre the best 4th gen bg full stop and theyre way too underrated

• my bias & wrecker: KEONHEE & DONGJU MY BELOVEDS 👫👫 also seoho is probably my wrecker I Think He’s Neat

• first time i heard of them: hmm end of december i think ?? jami texted me like “u should check out this group” and i was like “oho okay”

• when i became a fan: i liked them from the get go bc ‘come back home’ made my brain melt, but i got Super into them after i saw ‘no diggity’ like a week after it came out. i was just so impressed that they made a song that was noisy but also rly good

• fave&least fave title track: fave is ‘to be or not to be’ 100%… least fave UMM 😰 ‘twilight’ maaaybe?? i still love that song SO much but it’s in between ‘valkyrie’ and ‘lit’ which are both better than ‘twilight’ imo

• fave&least fave bside: wtf. i cannot choose. fave bsides are tied between ‘lion heart’ ‘stand by’ & ‘rewind’. also ‘youth’. but literally every oke of their songs is so good so i cant decide. least fave ?? 😭😭 i’ll just say ummm ‘white night’ ig since i like their other slower songs (‘red thread’ ‘blue sky’ ‘kiseki’) more

• fave&least fave mv: ‘TO BE OR NOT TO BE’ (shouting from the rooftops). listen. u give me vampires plus some fun little violence out of nowhere plus seoho being chucked around right before he belts and then keonhee in a crown, of course its gonna be my fave. least fave is uhhh ‘valkyrie’ ig since it’s not as fun as the other ones

• fave&least fave album: fave album is ‘devil’ omg. “this album is for everyone who is called a ‘devil’ by society” okay keonhee just say its for the lgbts. also it’s the longest album. and for leadt fave im gonna cheat and say ‘no diggity’ since it was just two japanese versions and two instrumentals and no new songs >:3

• a concept i wish theyd try: i ?? honestly have no clue? like theyve done fantasy (valkyrie twilight tbontb cbh), theyve done chill/softer concepts (aswe), theyve done scifi kinda (black mirror) IDK!! they can literally do whatever they want and i’ll be along for the ride idc at this point bc its just oneus yaknow. maaaybe more greek mythology related stuff so i can do my greek myth final on them :|

• what i like most abt them: honestly offstage theyre rly humble and chill. like the one behind show they did where they just sat and made bead bracelets w the mc for 15 minutes and just like didnt try to overact for the camera and they were just vibing ?? perfect. theyre so funny and incredibly talented its insane. ik i say they dont have any bad songs but like they literally do not imo & i could listen to them constantly (& i do) even though they dont have a ton of music compared to other groups. also them being underrated and a smaller group means the fandom is relatively normal and its much easier to not feel like ur going insane when interacting w other tomoons lmao. also since they are a nobody group, all their albums on depop and stufd are rly cheap. shoutout to the person who sold me ‘lived’ album for $5 plus shipping yesterday

[og-doubletrouble-kinnie]

Marx Mem

Aighty this is long and it gets a bit dark I guess? Idk its a panic attack mem so.. Warned ig

After a really bad day at the news station (Katie and other various bosses being total fucking dicks. Writing 3 whole news reports in a single day AND Having to take care of food stuffs for the day cause our intern fucking d ied or something) I stumbled home fucking exhausted.

Pretty much the moment I get inside my apartment bastard speaks up "I can't believe you're tired. You barely did anything today."

I tilt my head back and forth and in a mocking tone I talk back "oh sure writing three full length news stories in a single day while making sure the staff is fed and keeping Katie off my damn back is nothing. Su r e"

I pull my gloves off, untie my bowtie and pull off my jacket as I head to the bathroom. Just wanna shower and pass the fuck out, I don't care that it's like 5pm, I deserve a damn nap. I realize I'm far to exausted to stay awake for an entire shower so I just opt for cleaning my face and hoping I dont just conk out on my bathroom floor.

I stand infront of the sink and just space out staring at the faucet for at least a minute. When I snap back to reality I look to my mirror- Surprised to see my actual reflection for a moment before bastard pops up. "Katie was right you know. You're such a slacker~ And you don't write nearly enough stories for her! The head anchor. Sure Tom is nicer to you but he shouldn't be doing the most talking! Keep the camera on Katie, Marx!! You're a man of taste, you know that everyone just tunes in for Katies chest- Hell thats why you tune in. 'Course you already know everything she's gonna say. Unless she throws your script away, like she really should every time cause you write utter filth. I'm surprised she even tries to read the mess you give her each day."

I honestly just stare tiredly into the mirror as he goes on and on, nodding occasionally cause I'm tired enough to believe him. His words blur out at this point and I manage to splash my face with water before tiredly making the stupidest comment I could possibly make while bastard is really active, "God I wish Angel and Bee were here-"

And bastard laughs at me. "Now why could you possibly want that???"

"Oh I dunno maybe it's cause I'm exhausted and curling up with my hoard seems really fucking nice, you pathetic piece of shit."

"Ah yeah I'm the 'piece of shit' have ya seen yourself lately?"

"Oh I'd love to but you seem to always take my reflections place."

"Oh wow Marxy has a bite now, huh?"

I glare into the mirror "Don't call me that."

"Why? Cause your precious little Angel gave it to ya? C'mon Marxy lighten up, it's not like I'm real."

I roll my eyes. Again with the "not real" thing, huh? Okay yeah sure. "Yeah, them being here would be great... I'd love to ignore you for the night." I turn from the mirror, ready to go sleep but-

He seems to not like when I want to ignore him... Cause- well thats when he brings out the big guns "What makes you think they want to be here?"

I freeze... He usually doesn't get to me like this... But ya know- I'm exhausted.. And hearing that one sentence makes my mind swarm with all the things Angel and Bee could be saying about me- about how much they could hate me... I can't shake it away with logic cause it practically doesnt exist in this moment. I turn back to the mirror. "I- I don't-"

"Exactly. There's no reason for either of them to want to be around you."

"Y- yeah-" I nod slowly and lean against the wall, glancing at the mirror for a moment before looking to the floor.

"I mean, just look at you! You're pathetic!"

I listen and look back to the mirror, my reflection is back. My eye bags are huge, my hairs a mess (more so than usual), he's right. I look pathetic... Of course I do. I always do... I slide down the wall, mostly due to my legs being to tired to hold me up, but also cause it's where I belong. The floor is the proper home for someone who looks like such trash.

"Do you really think they care about you? Oh sure Angel's stopped taking blood but who's to say thats his choice? He probably stopped cause Charlies buckling down on his drug problems~ If thats the case, then why would he bother to still have sex with you? Maybe you've somehow convinced him you're the only one he should be with? How cruel... Why should you hold him back? Why even bother talking to him when you're so controlling and possessive??"

I bring my knees closer to my chest, instinctively curling up to try and block him out. I try to mumble a stop but only manage a small squeak. I feel my claws digging into my arms but dont do anything to stop it.

"Oh and Dont even get me started on Bee! You're clearly manipulating him too! Why else would he call you "boss"? Why else would he do nearly anything you ask of him? Oh sure he could easily take you down if he found a problem with you, but what if you're all he has? He puts up with your constant abuse because he thinks he can't get anyone else? Do you really think he wants to put up with you? That either of them do?"

I shake my head. I dont know if I'm answering him if trying to refuse it.

"Just look at what happened with Baxter. How long until you somehow corrupt them aswell?"

"B-"

"Pfft- Surely you didnt think Baxters actions were his own?? My my, Marx I knew you were stupid but I didnt realize it was that bad. You obviously made Baxter feel inferior, even you knew that. But you never dealt with it. You let it fester and grow. I bet you just loved watching Baxter hate himself all because of you? Don't try to deny me, Marxy. I know it all, its so incredibly obvious I'm surprised nobodies figured it out yet... Then again, if you cant even figure this out about yourself, then maybe your friends have the intelligence of rocks!"

Now I feel a few tears run down my cheeks and go to wipe them- But.. Well I suppose I've broken skin on my arms cause I just smear blood on my face.

"Oh nice job you fucking idiot. What are people gonna say when they see those scars? They'll think you're some kind of edgy teenager. Then again- you might aswell be. Constantly wanting the attention of others."

I shake my head harder, hands moving from my arms to my head "n-no... It- it was an accident-"

"Awe... But that doesn't matter Marx! The point is that you did it in the first place!"

I whimper and shake- pulling my hair hard enough that I feel I should be pulling out hairs.

I hear the faintest door in the distance- due to how muffled it sounds I assume it's a neighbors door...

Bastard.. Thankfully quiets down for a moment- I manage to move my hands back to my arms- I can't loosen their grip... But scraped up arms are easier to deal with than a scraped up head.

Then Angel comes in- "Ma- Oh my god- Bee! Bee I found him-!" Angel crouches down beside me and very carefully grabs my hands, and pulls them from my arms. "Marx wh- What happened?"

I hear bastard laugh from the mirror "You can't tell him. He won't believe you."

"I-"

Bee comes in- Fast. "Boss?!" I assume Angels tone must've scared him- and well. He scares me- I jump, grabbing my arms again and my wings pop up.

Angel grumbles "Damnit- Bee ya scared 'im-"

I scoot away before Angel can try to pry my hands free again-

"Mar-?"

"N-no no- you're- You're not supposed to be here-"

Bee crouches down by Angel, "Boss what're ya talkin 'bout?"

"Oh you're finally pushing them away now?" I glance at the mirror- bastard is just eating this up.

My hands get tighter as my eyes dart back to Angel and Bee. I stare like a deer in headlights- expecting them to.. I dont know- do.. Something...

Angel turns to Bee "Bee see if you can find some bandages- I'll... Try and calm him back down..."

Bee nods, gives me a sad/worried look then gets up and leaves the room. Angel shuffles over to me, and I instinctively push myself farther into the corner.

"Marx I'm not gonna hurt you- it's alright..."

"He's talking to you like youre an animal. He sees you as dangerous. He has every right to. You could attack at any moment."

"Sh- s hut up-"

Angel tilts his head "Wh-?"

"Awe look how cute, he thinks you're talking to him."

"Shut up"

"Mar-" He looks concerned... Possibly scared..

"You're scaring him~ Of course you are... You probably scare him often.."

I shoot up, yelling toward the mirror "I said shUT UP!!!" I hear a loud thud and suddenly my hand hurts- I punched my wall...

Theres a small crash in the kitchen and Bee comes running in, holding a roll of bandages- I look down to Angel- And yeah.. He looks scared- So does Bee- I drop my hand from the wall and back away the few inches I can without stumbling into my bath-

"C-can't... Can't you hear it" I try not to physically cringe at how... Pathetic I sound

I hear bastard laugh, and Bee and Angel exchange a confused look.

"Hear... What, Boss?"

"I- it. The voice. I- I can't- I can't be the only one-" One hand goes back to my hair.

"Oh you sad, sad man..."

Angel gets up and comes over to me- Grabbing the hand in my hair and pulling it down before I can start pulling. "Marxy.... Hun- Are you alright...?" He lowers me onto the side of the tub.

I stare at the floor, squinting slightly "I-... I don't???"

Angel gestures at Bee, he steps over, handing Angel the bandage roll then sitting next to me. He puts a hand on my back, rubbing small circles.

"Let me see your arms, Marxy-"

With the extra exhaustion from the panic attack I just tiredly listen to him, flopping my arms on my lap- my wings vanishing. Angel starts wrapping them up. I feel myself yawn, and I lean on Bee, he moves from rubbing my back to putting his two arms on that side around me. I feel myself starting to doze off- but I'm still jumping awake each time.

When Angel finishes wrapping my arms, he picks me up and heads for the bed. I glare at the bandages, My tired dragon brain doesn't like them... So I bite at them- Or at least I try but Angel baps my nose. "Don't you even try, Mister."

I tiredly whine and grumble, flopping into Angels chest. "B u t.... I dont-"

"I dont care if ya don't like 'em, you need to heal and bitin your bandages aint gonna help."

Angel sets me down on the bed and I pbbthh at him. Him and Bee climb in on either side of me and I yawn again.

"Sounds like ya need to sleep, Boss-"

"Mmrmm..." I roll over and face Bee, "No shit... Katie n the others worked me like a dog t'day..." I shove my face into the Matress

"Don't they overwork you every day?"

"Ye s it was just worse this time"

I feel Bee pat my back a few times, and Angel cuddles up to my side and starts talkin, "Well we wanted to go to the bar- But a nap sounds pretty nice instead..."

Bee hums in agreement- he doesn't lay down though... Just stays sitting next to me and keeps a hand on my back.

There's a few moments of silence, but I eventually pass out.