#wish i wasnt lazy so i could write it

[sagisbrainrot]

drunk!lian shenanigans pt.2!

a continuation of my drunk!lian fic idea here. this one is longer and fresh out of my head, sorry for the typos!

xie lian has been extremely busy this week, so much so he hasn't been able to go home. he's been on a mission in the north, handling a mission that should have been much easier but turned out to be way more complicated than he thought

to his surprise, some showed up to help him. it was pei ming!

after a long, cruel 7 full days without his husband, xie lian was ready to go HOME. and thanks to pei ming, who helped him greatly and called his subordinates down to handle everything else, he would be able to go home that night.

naturally he let his beloved husband know that he'd be home soon, and that he couldn't wait to see him. before he could leave, pei ming starts complaining about how he hasn't seen his highness in a while! he's always in ghost city, or on missions! so, he asks xie lian to go for a drink before he leaves

xie lian is very hesitant. while he had a lot of fun the last time, he can't help thinking about how he almost ate human thigh, or how he may have run into (and broken) a stall or two, or how san lang had given him a stern talking to (which, all he said was that if xl was going to drink, he needed to be safe! and drink in moderation!).

it was so embarrassing, he couldn't believe he acted like that! no matter how much fun he had, he decided maybe he shouldn't drink anymore!

pei ming insists. he promises they won't drink that much and that he knows xie lian has already gotten wasted. of course shi qingxuan told him! but there was a new place in the area serving new things, and he hadn't had time to check it out and wanted to with a friend

so, reluctantly, they go for drinks. the place pei ming chooses is much fancier than where xie lian went with sqx, and had a much wider selection of drinks. and a much... sweeter collection of drinks. it didn't even feel like he was drinking!

before they knew it, both of them were absolutely wasted, and xie lian's urge to see his beautiful husband has increased 10x. so its time to go home!

pei ming, wasted out of his mind and worried for the stumbling highness, uses his heavenly uber to take xie lian back to ghost city.

half way through the ride, though, xie lian realizes how absolutely fucked he is. he swore he wasn't going to get drunk again and this time, right now, he's worse! so there's only one thing he can do.

sneak into the temple and pretend to be sleep!

now, if xie lian was sober, he'd remember that there was no "sneaking" into ghost city, but thats neither here nor there. he has a plan! turning to tell pei ming, who thinks xie lian's plan is full proof, they decide to leave the heavenly uber outside and xie lian takes the long way through ghost city, avoiding the busy streets

it took a lot of effort, but he FINALLY saw the temple! he decides to sneak in to his bedroom window, trying (and failing) to not make too much noise. he could have went through the main door, but its very visible and he didn't want anyone to let san lang know he was here!

however...

hua cheng, after hearing that his beloved husband was coming back this night, was ecstatic. beyond, honestly. so, he decides to make this welcome back really nice. he plans on making xie lian's favorite meal, drawing him a nice bath and giving him a nice...massage.

he feels when xie lian enters ghost city, but he's surprised that his husband hasn't contacted him. he'll see him soon, so he doesn't worry about it. he goes back to preparing food when he hears a LOUD noise near the bedroom / altar.

now he's curious. so he walks quietly, much quieter than normal, towards the room. he comes to a full stop and can't help but take in the picture before him: his god is muttering to himself faced away from him, a corner of the robe was caught on the window, twigs sticking from his hair (how on earth did he do that?)

hua cheng clears his throat and xie lian stiffens up, freeing his robe from the evil window and turns around. xl can't help but take in how good his husband looks right now, hair pulled back into a ponytail and a raised eyebrow looking at him, clearly waiting on an explanation.

hua cheng knows the answer to the question before he even has to ask. he knows by the swaying, the bright red flush and the disheveled state that his god was drunk. he was extremely amused, he could tell his husband had fun the last time but he swore he'd never drink again. so why now?

as hua cheng opened his mouth to ask, xie lian had another great idea.

RUN!

so before hua cheng could ask about his... current state, xie lian brushes past him and BOLTS towards the door. hua cheng is frozen in shock, of all the things he expected xie lian to do that was the last one.

and whats even worse is that the drunken god who was stumbling, swaying and even got caught in a window was now suddenly very slippery, sliding through hua cheng's hands every time he thinks he finally has the prince.

just as xie lian got to the door, hua cheng sped up and grabbed part of his robe. twisting out of it, it took them a second to notice that hua cheng managed to grab the belt holding his robe together. in shock, they both watch at the belt fell and xie lian's outer robe opened, sliding down his shoulders a bit.

xie lian locks eyes w hua cheng as a mischievous glint enters his eyes, and he giggles.

then bolts out of the door, only in his inner robe.

----

thats all i got. would like to include xie lian destroying another stall or two in the chase (the same stall he destroyed the last time), falling in the mud, and when hua cheng catches him he can't stop giggling and smiling. hua cheng gives him a bath when they get home, which xie lian insists he'll only take if "san lang gets in the bath too!" heehee

i've seen people say they like my ideas, so if you write them i demand a small fee of being tagged or let me know so i can read it!!

[zonatcannibalism]

Ok my billy thoughts after yesterdays ep

The William/ billy thing is definitely not like the comics and IMO does harm the character. I get why doing the "he was always like this" thing was too complicated for a tv show (and one they haven't even introduced mephisto in yet) but i would prefer it if he kept his memories of being a kaplan and was just... Different. And could read peoples minds.

However i do have hope that this can go well. I don't think that the end conclusion for his character is going to be "im not related to the kaplans im billy maximoff and fuck this random jewish family". I mean. The only thing he remembers are Tommy and his 3 years with the kaplans. When he told Eddie he wasnt William kaplan he didn't fully say "im not that dude at all who tf is that even" he said hes something "more" and "not entirely." Yes, he comes to the revelation that he is billy maximoff. Whoever if were talking writing, i dont think that the personality crisis ends there for him. Billy is an important character in the show. He has 3 more eps left and unlike characters like alice and jen who allredy found what theyre looking for on the road, he is still actively walking it in search of his goal. There is still development to be had for this character. He didn't just solve his entire internal conflict in episode 2- everything about the way he behaves after that episode shows hes still conflicted as fuck. Yes, he knows where he comes from, but he doesn't really know yet what it means about him as a person. He knows he is billy maximoff, but he doesn't know what being billy maximoff means.

And then we get into the subject of Tommy.

Listen, all writing rules say that there is no magic rock at the end of the road making wishes come true. They get what they're missing (NOT what they're looking for) as they walk the road. If the person writing this knows what they're doing, Tommy isn't going to randomly appear at the end of the road. Billys want for Tommy isnt just the cute brotherly bond- it is his want to belong and really have that sense of certainty and security of who he is. His arc isn't over yet, and thats why he keeps walking the road- he still has that want for belonging and knowing how to live as who he truly is. So. I think that at the end of the road he is either-

1. Realise he has something important with rebecca and jeff, embrace being their son with being a maximoff and live happily ever after as a nice jewish witch boy.

2. Get William kaplans memories

3. Be left on an open note and have his arc completed in another marvel show or movie

Anyway i think if top 2 happens he is going to start going by billy kaplan, showing him reaching a place of fully being comfortable with his identity and knowing who he is and where he belongs. Which will also tie him to comic billy.

However. That is what would have happened if i would be writing the show. That is the progression i would give his character. Everyone on the show is doing a really goor job, but i just can't forget that they are the same people who seemingly wrote in a fan favorite character with huge implications and then said "ha that wasn't real heres a bunch of dick jokes."

Anyway i hope they don't fuck this shit up.

A bunch of really cool details from the episode:

- the dogs name is greg. As in greg norris??????? That is funny as fuck

- billys parasha is about the death of nadav and avihu- the sons of aharon. There is a lot more detail you can go into with this. Its really good symbolism. It also means we can semi accurately track his hebrew and gregorian birthday. Oh the things i am too lazy to do.

- they are reallllllllly walking the line with this eddie dude. I feel like if the fans like him they're going "ha eddie is just another nickname for theodore say hi to teddie altman" and if not they're giving them an off screen break up and just saying billy has a type.

- Agathas boner family reunion shirt lmao

[darrellenjoyer]

when i first started exhibiting symptoms of fibromyalgia, my fine motor skills got significantly worse & i basically had to learn how to draw again from scratch. suddenly, things that were easy to draw were now nearly impossible, and i went through a long period where my art had visibly shaky lineart and very simple designs due to how my hands would give out after only a few minutes of drawing. i wish somebody would have told me sooner that this was a fibro thing - i wish i knew i had fibro sooner, because so many things are making sense now that didnt make sense back then.

like, why am i so slow? why cant i walk faster? if my legs hurt because im out of shape, shouldnt it be getting easier throughout the years ive had to walk home from school??? why does it hurt so bad when i put pressure on certain parts of my body???? why cant i stay awake????!

i kind of feel stupid now because i didnt see it sooner. but i wasnt stupid, and im not stupid now. its hard to realize youre disabled when you cant physically see the disability - youre just told and taught to assume that you're "just lazy" or "just PMSing" or "just out of shape". its kind of crazy just how much i could disregard and write off as normal because i assumed everyone else was feeling the same way

[yumeyleo]

i want to die cause im terrified of aging, im scared of getting older, We're dying anyways, everything we do will be pointless in a few several decades. And in the past i would take that as a sign to live life as i want to, but i want to be remembered. But i wont be remembered because i wont make some uber big discovery or write an awesome book or do anything impactful. and im fine with that, ive accepted it. Life is pointless, joys are fleeting, all this world is is a tragedy, that sounds so emo and edgy but fuck itim alwaedy writing so many emberassing things today, im gonna hate myself in the morning ;-;. most of us, we're all dying anyway, some of us faster than others. I wanna die cause im sick of having to do stuff... cause im lazy, basically. i think death is both punishment and a gift. I think i deserve to die for all ive done on this earth, but it'll also be a treat for not being too unaware of my actions. (teh slef awareness makes me better, but also makes me worse) Theres also just this deeprooted (maybe rooted in my soul) (i dont understand souls, i want to, though) need in me to die, to feel death. its been there since day one. i sound so ew omg...i was too busy trying to comprehend how to tell left from right and how to tie my shoelaces to realize it. But anyways, the need in me to want to be hurt worse than all those around me has always been obvious. ive always been a bad person for that. actually, i never comprehended death for a while. when i did i didnt think much of it, until i thought of whats after. I was scared of death because of that thought. Maybe i still am, but now i am okay? to die. i want to find out whats after. why i want to die is something i cant understand myself most of the time, this is the basics. Sometimes i wanna live. I actually hate that i idealize about suicide, id rather just live. i know i have no future though, so ive given up on mostly everything. Its obvious in my academic decline. i wouldve been a smart girl if it werent for all of this, i mourn that i guess. i like my friends, i love them. and i want to live to have more happy and silly moments with them. The happiness i get from them never overpowers the other stuff, i wish they could. Im sad i dont want to live. id really like to live sometimes. its actually frustrating why cant my emo ass just want to LIVE??? i really wish i hadnt stopped being friends with him, but i know what he said wasnt right. im certain he wouldve made fun of me for this

[mamadarama]

Omg previous ask back here I am so glad to hear your thoughts and your perspective was really nice!! :D

I do understand that it's meant to be frustrating as part of his character I just didn't know if it was lazy writing or character loyalty HELP cuz I can't tell sometimes

I do also wish his development turns positive because out of everyone in the cast I'd argue he deserves a bad ending the LEAST. Compared to what others have done, Madara is kinda,, tame. Not at all I mean if you compare vigilante justice and resorting to violence to protect your loved ones compared to say,,, martyring 5 students to the point of severe mental damage and indirectly causing mass suicide in your school, Madara's sins (at least, his known ones) are a drop in the bucket even if we estimate indirect casualties.

He's a guy that does bad and damages himself but never once did I at least perceive his actions to be malicious. If anything, I liked him for the fact that he does what he does to be better for others, and that singular thing will always resonate in my heart. I'd pull my hair out and bash my head against the wall if I had to summarize his character because he just ISN'T SIMPLE. I once tried to explain his lore to my sister and I ended up sending her a voice mail that was EIGHT MINUTES LONG and I talk fast.

Ahem anyways yes I do hope they don't bash his character story like whatever the fuck they did with other characters (coughs) (looks at the horror that is matrix) (coughs)

Also I forgot to sign off cuz I was in the middle of my shift but that was me ( @umiedibles ) wow madayumenon talking about Madara fork in the kitchen anyways have a good one I love your whiteboard posts :33 virtual milk and cookie for you 🥛🍪

tbh writing that made me realize id be disappointed if he ends up with anything more than a bittersweet resolution . a true positive everything turns out alright ending wouldnt be as impactful or very "madara". to me at least. after everything hes gone through the best way for his story to end imo would be to have him try and pull off a massive cataclysmic self destructive stunt, have his friends save him from himself (ideally kanata), and after its all over and his armor has been smashed to dust , finally learn to accept that things will never be the same again and thats okay. he still hates himself, he never reconciles with his family , but he stops actively trying to alienate people and starts exercising benefit of the doubt when it comes to other peoples opinions of him ("i dont know what you see in me but thank you regardless" instead of his current "liking me is a mistake on your part and im sorry for you") and that is the biggest piece of character development he could possibly have: accepting life as it is, no matter how unfair it happens to be

as for power scaling the sins of characters..... its unfair to say any of them are worse than any other. ive talked about this before but eichi, although bitter, was well intentioned. it tears him up inside to this day even. tsumugi was naïve. keito got lost in his own fantasies after obtaining a position of power. madara was provoked . and no one in the war got out unscathed. the only real dickbags in enstars are gatekeeper godfather priest etc

also matrix wasnt that bad . rinne is just rinne.

[eternitas]

i cant talk to anybody about this so i am SCREAMING this into the vpid

So. The newest episode of the Sword Art Online Abridged series is out.

And I watched it.

And now I have to reevaluate my life

The VAs for Suguha and Kirito nailed that so hard its gonna be able to support a 3 story structure. Holy shit.

Especially LennonDrake as Suguha. What the fuuuuuck, that was so good.

The writing was so on point, the timing was perfect and I am just---

I guess I am just amazed?

Being usually subjected to lazy jokes and subpar writing that tries to outsmart the watcher to pull a "wow you didnt see that coming huh?!" moment, no matter how stupid and unreasonable it is, and moments of characters being aweful to each other for a really bad punchline that isnt even funny but just cruel, i didnt expect a parody like that to... Be so well written. Yeah they already hit it out of the park with the first season but even there they kept it mostly lighthearted and slightly cynical. And this time they just... Didnt. And for the better of it.

I grew up an only child. But from some point in my life i gained something like a sister in my cousine after her mother died and she just stayed with us. And i always wished we could be closer and understand each other better. I felt often like i was alone because she couldnt understand that my depression makes me incapable of functioning like a normal person. And at some point I had to face that I longed for something that just wasnt reality.

Watching Suguha and Kirito have this confrontation where both dont really understand each other and finally clash, because they... Wish to be siblings but drifted apart with resentment in their hearts-- Man that hit home.

I mean I KNEW the series had solid writing. And i knew they were building up to it but I guess i didnt expect THIS level of quality. The dialogue was heartfelt and real the exposition through it was absolutely organic, the Voice Actor performance was brilliant-

Damn. Damn I... Gotta sit down.

Wow.

[blessedshortcake]

My opinion on the finale episodes below the cut. Obviously spoiler warning lol

First of all. I see people say it was really underwhelming and i kinda have to agree? It wasnt a Bad ending or a lazy one or whatever words have been thrown around tho imo. I feel like with all the hype about how "painful" and emotional itll be from the VA and from everyone, we all just expected more tragic outcomes or something.

I am dissappointed because of that as well. I liked how Simon finally reflected a bit and had some self awareness about their situation with Betty. I loved that he didnt become Ice King again or that they didnt do some actual time travel to "fix" stuff. I also liked that they didnt necessarily made him a bad husband (?/boyfriend?) he kinda just never realised that Betty has been putting more into their duo than he was.

That doesnt make him innocent tho b4 someone comes at me. He was a bit too self absorbed but i dont think he was entirely selfish either. He was a person who made mistakes and didnt realise them. The line where he said smt like "i wish we could have talked like this before" also makes it pretty clear to me that Betty never really spoke up about these things either. Golbetty had to make him aware and tbh? I think that was more Golb than Betty.

The whole Scarab ordeal felt a bit. Ehhhhhh I dont know. His anger reaction to things suddenly becoming "canon" (lmao) was very nice to see but him being allowed to wreck havoc like that for a good while felt more like an excuse to bring the others into this world. I dont have a problem with it btw i just dont see the point why we need Farmwold Jay and Little... I forgot her name damn. Also whys Babyworld Finn here 😭 (i get it, he was in the tank, i dont mean literally i mean Why)

As much as i was soooo mad when LSP freed the scarabs it was very in character. I like how it was a thing that he likes animals from the start so it wasnt senseless stupidity, it was something he would do even tho it was the wrong thing to do. Made me pause and lay down to stare at the ceiling in frustration for a solid minute i cant lie, still in chacter tho.

But alas. I like how in the end it all didnt turn magical (completely since ig its partially magical with Cake and everything else) and how Cake finally cooled down about the crown. IM ALSO SO HAPPY THEY KEEP IN TOUCH WITH SIMON OVER THE PHONEEE!! But yea him wanting to move was so real and I hope he does lmao he deserves it.

I only kinda wish they made him reconnect with Marcy a bit more. I am actually pretty dissappointed that we dont know if he ended up reaching out to her more or not. I understand his situation with not wanting to spook her, i actually feel that bit in a soul connecting level good god, but idk. Im at least happy he is Literally in therapy now

(Kinda makes me wonder tho if he spent the time between the end of AT and the start of FC with no like therapist or psychologist. Just rawdogging his mental illness about everything. Mood tbh but like did he? Did he??)

Anyway despite my slight dissappointment i am actually pretty happy with the outcome. I really liked the theories and the ideas of how Simon may make FC magical or what he will become but tbh this is probably the best outcome. Everyone got a happy/hopeful ending (minus Farmwold Finn ig who im atp assuming is dead. Also Star Marceline and PB) which i am really REALLY happy about.

I gotta say I already wanna write fanfic about these guys so inspirational effect granted. Woooo.

Tldr

I was kinda dissappointed because it was overhyped about how emotional it will be when it really wasnt but other than that I am really happy about how the ending turned out save for the alternatives staying in FC

Edit: I SEE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THE WHOLE SHOW DONT TELL THING AND TBHHH??? TTTTBBBHHHH??? YEAH. IT WAS ALL JUST TALKED ABOUT LIKE WHAT ABOUT SYMBOLISM? MY GOD.

Also Simon had like 10 minutes to get closure with Betty which was horrifically rushed but again, when your wife turns into Basically God you kinda dont really have a choice to chit chat. Still not happy about it but again, could have been worse. Could have been much worse.

[duncanxtrent]

Alright season 2 thoughts below (Spoilers obviously)

Scary Girl was funny, but disappointing at the same time. I really wish she was at the very lesst somewhat antagonistic rather than just being a comic character. But I enjoyed her screamtime if nothing else

Chase had the exact amount of screen time he deserved, which is to say little to none. While pne dimensional jerks can be annoying, they gave him enough screentime that he was funny without becoming annoying. Perfect

Millie was upsetting. I really thought she could have done a bit better this season but she just kinda stayed lazy. Its kinda frustrating.

Emma was also upsetting. She once again had incredible potential to do better but Episode 4 just threw her in the trash. Even when it was so clearly Priyas fault… Upsetting.

Nichelle was ROBBED! Perfect character tbh but she got out WAY too early. I wouldnt have even been upset if she didn’t win but 5th eliminated was WAY too soon. Undeserved in my opinion.

Bowie was perfect this season. Didnt stay too long, had an interesting arc while he was here that built on his first one, and he was just fun to watch! Slay the day away my king.

Ripper was better this season. I do think him being a simp for Axel is… odd but he wasn’t annoying by any means. Maybe he could have done a little bit more than Axel but otherwise he was fine.

Axel on the other hand was SIGNIFICANTLY worse. She had so much potential to be a good competitor but Ripper just fucking dragged her down to his level. I am shaking crying and screaming how could they do this to her?!

Zee was also perfect honestly. Had a qorthwhile arc, didnt stay longer than he needed to, and didnt really harbor bad vibes to anyone. I do think his final episode could have been handled slightly better but I enjoyed him nonetheless.

MK I was sad to see go but she was fun! Her antics were up to 100 and were so much fun. Shes the Duncan of the season but somehow so much better?! Its honestly amazing how she did it! I likes her.

Once again, Damien was ROBBED! My boy was set for that finale. He was so fucking close, but he failed HARD! I expected Julia to steal the immunity idol but even still it sucked. Poor Damien, youre a finalist in my heart.

Priya overstayed her welcome but she wasnt bad I would have personally had her early merge or pre merge but her relationship with Caleb wasn’t uninteresting. But it did feel unnecessary. There were better options.

Caleb was alright IG. His arc between Julia and Priya was interesting character wise but I just couldn’t find myself rooting for him. He just didn’t interest me enough. Sorry Caleb, you just weren’t enough IG

Julia was AMAZING! She was such an asshole the whole season and played the game so well, so seeing her finally lose was ROYALLY satisfying. That and her and MK being lesbians for the whole season. That was hella nice.

Raj and Wayne make me wanna scream. They werent bad, and its not upsetting in the fact they did well, but its the fact they had virtually NO CHARACTER outside of each other. Wayne and Raj claimed to miss Damien after the show but they rarely interacted with him. Wayne claimed to try and be buds with Julia, but she hung out with Priya more than anything. Maybe its just the lack of Daily Life and the focus of Priya and Caleb, but I was FURIOUS when Wayne won. And hes my favorite character!

Overall, this season’s writing was dogshit. The elimination order wasnt bad, but the writing left me feeling incredibly disappointed. I just hope theyll take criticism from Season 2 and make the writing of season 3 better.

[moonsunbam]

being an audhd army IS HARD AF. i spend all day today thinking of writing about how much i love jinnie solo songs and how they mean the world to me. i was brainstorming a super dope post about ALL HIS SONGS, and his voice, and lyrics and how im so excited for his debut with KS1 but instead i was lurking on tiktok and youtube and updating me on what my moots here were doing ☹️ i HATE that i always plan to do something and ended up doing another thing. i feel guilty....

and im always feeling like i have no rights to be a fangirl cause i should be studying and working and doing something "useful" with my life... i feel guilty to be an army sometimes, i feel shame too cause my parents think im wasting my life not being what they expect of an autistic adhd person 🧍‍♀️ they are always saying about how other people like me study and work, and have a "normal" life and i should be doing the same if i wasnt so lazy...

and im retired cause of my desabilities, i have my own money now and i can do what i want to do cause i am a full grown up adult BUT I CANT CAUSE I FEEL PRESSURED ALL THE FUCKING TIME, I CANT EVEN SPEND MY OWN MONEY WITH THE THINGS I WANT CAUSE MY DAD THINK IS A WASTE OF MONEY BUT ITS NOT >> HIS << ITS M I N E. MINE. MIIIIINE MONEY.

and on top of all this i even have to deal with my borderline personality disorder, my depression anxiety and panic, my agoraphobia, my insecurities. MY SUICIDAL TENDECIES. i hate that im not free and that i can enjoy my life the way i want. i wish that i could just sleep until the end of times. i hate that im living cause i cant die. i hate my life and i hate my parents and i hate everything. i hate everything about myself. i hate that i even hate bts music that talk about loving ourselves cause I CANT DO THIS. i hate that i relate to yoongis music that he talks about his struggles. i hate that in the end i still have hope for a better life for me, a better future.

[ladymirdan]

Descent of Angels, third take. This time I actually finished it.

I stand by my first take. Easily the most entertaining out of the 6 HH books ive read so far. It didn't make me want to kill myself out of boredom (well maybe about 10% of the book I did).

I wish I could say I enjoyed all of it, but that would be a lie. Kind of weak part 4. But right by the ending it was kind of nice again. I wish it would have kept that wondrous adventure tone the whole way through but alas we had to cut to very barebones and predictable human/imperial politics.

in comparison how the 40k Ultramarine books (excluding Ventris books they lacks this too) handle imperial politics, this was very black and white, good imperium/bad compliance planet. It felt lazy and lacked nuance. Which is wild since they gave the first “bad guy” in the story a lot of nuance and you had a feeling there was more to his story than was first let on by the Lion and Luther. It was as if the compliance part was written by another author completely.

Im gonna stand by my conspiracy theory that this wasnt ment to be a Horus heresy book when they started writing it, and that they just mushed it in there with some added parts.

This book juat reaffimed my “why the hell dont they tell more stories about neophytes learning to become space marines, that shit is dope as fuck”-sentiment.

But also. Im not gonna lie, the Lion is way more fun then I expected him to be. He is one shady bitch and I like that. 😅

And for all their secrets, man are the Dark Angels a bunch of gossip girls 😂

Ps. Im prepared to be told I'm wrong about this book since I haven't heard a single person say anything good at all about it. Even one of my DA friends thinks it kind of shit.

(and if the recent polls are anything to go by, I'm a contrarian by nature who always picks the least popular option for some fuckińg reason. Do you guys have any idea what I would give to be boring like the rest of you? Imagine just liking popular things, life would be so fucking good.)

[hangezoeenthusiast]

well hello anyone who is actually on tumblr and hasnt forgotten about me. ive been offline for a year or so, had personal issues in my life, and also started high school so i wanted to focus on that. life update:

- im in 10th grade now :)) high school isnt that bad and there actually isnt as much fights as there was in past years. also im in a lot of advanced classes now

- i got new friends, and dumped my old ones(they were toxic)

- got into some new fandoms(call of duty, genshin[sorta i barely tolerate some people, I just try to play the game without interacting with the fandom], tmnt[i’ve always loved it], and others that I can't rlly think about rn

- got my working permit today :D after new years I'm gonna look for a job

- well I figured out I'm trans now (f-t-m), after years of question my gender and making excuses, I'm also pansexual :)

- the name I want my legal name to be is kaisen(kai is just a nickname and I dont use j anymore)

- body image stuff, sucks to suck but I'm trying everyday, slowly

- i actually have a girlfriend, we have been together for 3 months, and known each other for around 1 or 2 years. We are long distance(she lives in another country), time zones suck, but we make it work. We also met on genshin, so i guess i owe the game for that.

- im teaching myself how to draw, and also have been reading a lot of books lately

- family life isnt the best, im not gonna elaborate, but i just try to ignore it

it seems like a dream with how i acted a year ago. i seemed way more immature than what i do act now. i was so innocent i guess you could say, and i guess you could also say that i was just figuring myself out. and as im sitting in my bed, listening to The Neighborhood, im reminiscing. i do miss the friends that i had before i dropped them, and i really wish that i didnt push everyone away whenever i was in a depressive episode, but its the past. if i cant get over the past i’ll never be able to move on into the future. im just so glad that past me could get that experience of exploring themselves and meeting new people. also i was very very cringey i realize now, i feel like i was acting a sort of way to get recognition from people.

well anyways i dont think i’ll be writing anything anytime soon, i dont feel the passion i used to back then. maybe someday, but not today, and not the next. also thank you for 300 followers, that might not seem alot compared to other people, but it is for me. also thank you for all the support with the dsmp stuff even tho i stopped writing about them. i rlly didnt expect my stuff to blow up like that :))

well signing off:

kaisen(kai), have a fantastic day/night 😊

(ps: ive never deleted tumblr, and i was reading fanfics on here, i just was being lazy and didnt feel like responding to messages and updating my profile 😉 so to all the people who commented on my posts, i wasnt ignoring u, im too tired and my brain cells are the equivalent of 1 at the moment, but i’ll try to respond)

[lostandfoundvocaltrax2005]

October 20th. Evening.

its been a bit since the attack. im writing this to try and get back some of my motor control. i know itll heal sooner than later but i hate feeling like a clumsy child. i have to be slow with my words right now, with how i write them. slower than usual.

i really don't ununderstand. anything. theres a lot of things i don't get. right now i dont get why im alive in the sense of how the hell i survived five bullets to the head. my eye really hruts. the adrenaline wore off last night and im resistant to basically evey medication out there.

Astro got really hurt too. im kind of glad he went into that bloodraage thing to go find his kid so he'd stop trying to be a meat shield. its weird. i dont know that much about him, the more i think about it. i feel bad for it because i know how easily i get mad at him. i wish i wasnt like that.

i feel selfish for wanting so much of his attention. like if he doesnt look at me ill just give up and die. i wanted to kiss him yesterday and i felt bad for it. i didnt want to be the one being comforted but i didnt know how to say it because i didnt want to upset him.

the one thing im good at. upsetting people.

i hope those two stay dead. i ate jans soul the second i could beause i was scared. and im still scared. my heart rates been really high lately. fucking eden is in those woods and i dont know why. why couldnt he just stay in his own woods. why does it seem like every bad dream is coming back to haunt me.

i wanna go home. i dont know what that word really means for me. Amadeus said home is where the people you love are. i wish i could keep them all in one spot, hide in the crowd when i get scared. i just wanna go home before Kidds birthday. it took so long to write so little.

lazy bitch.

[wingsofwater]

godd i wish discussion of dragon culture went deeper than it does

yah we get mentions of skywing spirituality and mudwing sibling bonds and the entire situation with the icewings, but it was never /explained/ or even focused on for more than like 1 offhand scene to show 'hey we have this' and im so peeved. i think icewings should honestly have their own language - or at least their own vocabulary considering they were said to have been isolated for a sigificant period of time. there should be words and phrases that relate to rankings and culture etc etc, and since we already have several references to mudwings and rainwings having their own culture thats 'weird' why not make everyone have 'weird' cultures and traditions in relation to the other tribes?

the skywing colosseum seemed like a pretty big thing that was only in the sky kingdom, yet nobody talks about it except to use it as a segue to talk about how evil scarlet was [ntm i doubt that colosseum wasnt there originally but ok]. i think there should be a hall of previous victors that won gladiator fights that includes their medals and portraits and biographies of their lives. i think little dragonets in the wingery would play out fake gladiator matches and declare they would be the next big warrior

seawing writing seems to be a big thing considering it's said to be kingdom-wide thing, and yet nobody except for seawings themselves talk about it [not even mentioning the part where the only seawing protags are royalty themselves]. there should be allocated sections in libraries dedicated to seawing scrolls that are big in collector communities due to their waterproof properties

there seems to be a large community surrounding trade and shops in the sandwing kingdom too, why not have them be known for being good merchants? [in a way that’s preferably not fantastically racist tyvm] farmers markets should’ve been a big thing before the war, where merchants from all over the continent would gather to sell and buy, and sandwings would always dominate the market, offering hand-rolled incense cones and woven accessories and custom made jewelry unique to the desert

and you Cannot tell me that nightwings didn't make entire religions based around the moon and the powers it gave them. you CANNOT tell me that it was just 'a thing that happened'

also. ALSO. WHY ARE HIVEWINGS THE ONLY ONE WITH A RELIGION?? SKYWINGS ARE SAID TO BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION WHY DO NO OTHER TRIBES HAVE RELIGION?

think about it. mudwing deities that bring good harvest and hunt and health. seawing gods that protect the oceans and punish those who harm it. skywing sunbirds that are said to grant good fortune to those with a pure heart that are lucky enough to see it. rainwing cryptids that range from little fae that steal fruits and flowers to be a nuisance to ancient elders that sing to the beat of the forests heart [these stories might also leak into mudwing beliefs considering proximity]

also i refuse to accept dragon are the only mythics that exist. you cannot tell me phoenixes and fae and kelpie and hippocampus and cockatrice and pegasi don't exist. they don’t even have to be magic they can just be there the same way the dragons do.

i think halfblood humans could be cool too. i think it would be better if humans remained just side note characters and dragons had rumours of strange humans with the tail of a snake or the legs of a horse, or ones that use a tail that glitters like gemstone to swim in the oceans with a voice like rays of sun

imagine seawings stories of sirens that lured young dragons in only to steal their scales for themselves as a warning not to wander too far. imagine mudwing myths of false horses that would fake being injured to lure unsuspecting dragonets looking for an easy hunt only to drag them into the waters as a warning not to be lazy and look for the easy way out. imagine sandwing aristocrats telling their kids a story of a massive worm that hides in the sand and eats those who try to venture out into the barren desert alone. its sooo stupid and irritating that dragons don’t have any stories [atleast ones that are actively shown] that can help flesh out realistic culture and world building that it’s just a one dimensional “these dragons have this one thing they all do.” there should be some nuance some grain some heterogeneity something to make everyone unique on GOD

this is a personal peeve of mine but i wish they also went in depth over gastronomy too. these dragons really deserve to have specialized diets and their culture should revolve around that. most dragons can eat spoiled food if they so choose as the heat of their fire organs kills off most pathogens. sandwings specifically have stomach acid as strong, if not stronger than vultures as a result of the lack of fresh food in the desert, so they have a lot of preservation methods other dragons can’t use without getting sick. mudwings are known for their large, extravagant tribe-wide feasts that aren’t strangers to serving entire large game as meals. though silkwings are vegetarian, many are restricted to vegan diets, with the exception of honey, as most animal products are limited to only hivewings. some skywing farmers and scientist have dedicated experiments to create the hottest peppers, just because they can.

fruit is seen as a delicacy in icewing cultures due to its difficulty growing in cold climates, so most fruit was imported specially for royalty - though the summer is seen as a time of bounty, young dragonets were discouraged to eat the wild bramble that fruits around this time, as not only are they usually not high enough ranking, it is also seen as dirty, lazy, and cheap. [funnily enough, after snowfall came into power, the queen herself could sometimes be seen foraging in the brush with her sisters and advisor, lynx]

anyways where was i. oh right LANGUAGE. LANGAUGE ALSO COUNTS HERE. MUDWINGS HAVE THEIR OWN TERMS FOR THEIR SIBS AND, AS AFORMENTIONED, ICEWINGS WERE LITERALLY ISOLATED FOR IMPLIED CENTURIES. WHY DONT DRAGONS HAVE MORE SPECIALIZED TERMS GOT DAMN WATERSHIP DOWN AND FOXCRAFT AND WARRIORS AND [insert magic talking animal book here] DID IT THESE DRAGONS ARE LITERALLY NOT SPECIAL.

i still choose to believe dragonbite viper is the local term and not actually what they’re referred to officially [think pillbugs being called roly polies, along with pyrite being called fools gold, etc etc] so there is a nonzero chance there are items that have regional names that don’t make sense anywhere else

mudwings could have terms for crocodiles of different ages and icewings could refer to different ranking dragons with special titles and skywings could have phrases for which way the wind blows and seawings could have names for each of the currents Do You See the potential

also i think rainwings should say fuck. there is no all ages rating reason why glory and jambu say freaking except for if they say fuck. it's only natural

Thoughts on different dragons having cultures and different languages?

[eremiie]

okay but hear me out hear me out

gojo would make you wear his blindfold

pairing; gojo x reader 

note; I WASNT GONNA WRITE TODAY BUT BUT

it was dark, your senses were heightened, the sound of him dallying around you was so prevalent, so there. 

every step he took made your head whip in the direction, your hands scrunch at the sheets under you, it made your knees knock together in anticipation, and god did you wish you could see.

where was he?

the feeling of a hand fitting itself snugly against your hip made your body jump, your breathing stutter, and the only thing that kept you grounded in the spot you were at was the familiarity of it. it was gojo, pulling you towards him, and it was only then that you payed attention to the dip of the bed as he kneeled on it.

his hands were warm. while one was pressing against your hip the other one slid up your back, pushing down to make you arch until your cheek was smushed against the bed, and you couldn’t help but whimper feeling his abdomen rub up against you.

it felt better than it should have, maybe because you were hyper aware of everything from the way you were breathing to the small chuckles he’d let out everytime a body part of yours would twitch.

you were like a mouse being hunted by a cat, cautious and aware of every little thing around you thanks to the black blindfold that guarded your vision.

if you were the mouse, then gojo was the cat; the thing was, you were already hunted.

“why are you so scared, doll?” he hummed lowly, and you could practically see the smirk on his face. “what? you don’t like my idea?”

you shook your head, the fabric underneath you scratching your cheeks and under the blindfold your eyes were squinted, as if narrowing your line of sight would’ve helped you see any better than you already couldn’t. “can’t see.” your voice was small and timid.

“well that’s the whole point.” a low laugh that went right down to your throbbing cunt, maybe it was that or the finger that began tracing up and down it, collecting the slick that was beginning to pool, making it glisten.

your back arched more and you tried rocking yourself on his finger but his hip had an iron grip on you, and you could only whimper. “a little patient, maybe?” his finger slipped away and when he spoke again your breath hitched, you could hear him right beside your ear as he asked, “you want me that bad?”

and instead of shaking your head you nod, “yes please.” maybe if you spoke to him nicely he wouldn’t take his time, become as submissive as possible, be at his mercy (it’s not like you already weren’t).

“i guess i could be nice today, after all, it’s not much you can do.” his slender fingers pat the top of your head before sliding down to grip around the back of the blindfold, pulling it back and making you yelp as your upper body was lifted from the bed.

you felt exposed, your tits bouncing against your chest as you were lifted, your arms in front of you as if you were trying to steady yourself, and you could feel his eyes on you, trailing down your body from where his head was tilted next to yours, back pressed against yours. 

your mouth was parted as you felt his cock rubbing in between your folds. and you knew you were getting him wet because of the way he slid between your lips so flawlessly with no effort— the way he slid into you with no effort, your body lurching forward by instinct and your hand flying to his side as you let out a moan that hid his groan.

he bottomed out, and you relaxed your body a bit when he pulled out slowly then slid back in even slower. although, it was short lived as he thrusted up into you hard with a grunt, a gasp leaving your lips. “gojo—”

“shh,” your hands stretched for the bed, wanting to feel something underneath you, and he gave you that liberty, loosening his grip on the blindfold and letting you get on all fours, still holding onto the blindfold like a leash while he began moving in and out of you. “feel good, right?”

“mhm,” your ass bounced against him as he fucked into you, occasionally pulling your head back a bit, while his was thrown back in pleasure at the way he used you as he pleased, the way you squeezed around him and rocked yourself back into him at times. 

it almost didn’t matter that you couldn’t see because the way he fucked you felt ten times better, you could feel him sliding against your walls and the sound of your messy cunt around him went straight to both of your ears. 

“i bet you wish i could fuck you like this all the time, hm?” every push of his hips was rough, body being staggered forward. 

when you didn’t answer right away, too focused on the way he pounded into you, he gave a small tug to the blindfold, and you hastily nod, “yes, wan’ you to fuck me like this all the time.”

“so you do like the blindfold?” you didn’t understand how he could speak so clearly through the pleasure, his words being scrambled in your brain.

“yeah, yeah,” 

he chuckled, letting go of the blindfold and letting it hit the back of your head, you immediately burying your head into the sheets, and your hips raising for him to hit deeper, because he felt so good and you just wanted more, just wanted to feel him more. 

“good, cause i like it too, i don’t think it’s going anywhere.”

rip me i got lazy lol

[ordinary-funky-feline-type]

i think rukako is a (or could have been a) fascinating exploration of a character. yeah, no, it wasnt, but it definitely could have. rukako deserved better. but she got better in my brain it would have been so cool to see an exploration of the concept of a sheltered japanese trans girl livin in the 2010s who doesnt even know about the concept of being trans. its been a while since ive watched the show but the depiction of rukako is by far one of the worst things about it for me. i hate that her transness is supposed to boil down to "her family abused her into living as a girl against her will". ?????. its a shame, all the jokes about her gender are unbearable to watch. rukako is a character that didnt know how to be written by her author. the backstory for all her gender shit feels like a lazy and misguided, unfortunate excuse to... build some emotional tension to her story and also appeal to normative ideas of gender? i dont blame the author for being ignorant, but i do criticise his work and, it didnt even have to be a binary, concrete, clear thing. i dont see rukako as a "rukako said trans rights" sort of thing lol. i like that she probably has never really had access to information about other trans people, and rather the closest thing she had to that is crossplay forums and the otaku akihabara scene of that time and place. i think that being 'a boy who looks and acts and is perceived as a girl' and being 'justa cute gurl' are both parts of her identity. being constantly 'reminded' that 'he is a boy' i think is awful lol. but, simultaneously ,i dont think that she has completely detached herself from the idea of being a crossdressing boy. as i said, i dont think that she has had access to information of the sort, and i dont think she has even asked herself the questions that she needs to ask herself about her identity. i dont think she has the answers yet, and thats okay i just remembered in the middle of writing this that a big part of her arc is that she literally wishes to have been born a girl, so everything i just wrote is wrong, upsi still tho, i think that a character who is just a boy that looks like a gurl (eine femboi..) or a trans girl who is not recognised as such by her environment, are both gud and valid concepts. its just that rukako falls flatly in between those two, i think. i dont even remember the show. but ye, the author seems to never be able to decide which one he wants to write, and he just ends up being transphobic, lol f for rukako, ill always love you I DONT REMEMBER SHIT ABOUT THE SHOW I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fue una hermosa forma de sentir

[nestable]

BRING IT ON HOME NESSIAN ONESHOT

Bring it on Home to me by Sam Cooke is on of my favorite songs in the word and I highly recommend you go have a listen if you havent heard it, I promise you wont regret it. I was listening to it the other day and instantly thought of how these lyrics resonated with nessian, cassian more especially and couldn't resist writing this fic. Just a little soft, SFW, domestic Nessian. 🥺😭

"Nes." Cassian groaned as he rolled closer to her side of the bed. "Nesta?"

After being met with stark silence, Cassian outstretched his hand only for it to collapse onto cold sheets.

No Nesta, he realized with a start.

Though he and his Nesta have been mated for some months now, all of which have been without an incident, he can't help but worry.

Each night he reassures himself with the knowledge of their bond, the heat of her body pressed against his own, the words of love and loyalty she ensures he hears everyday, that she is safe and finally happy.

Not miserable and balancing on the cusp of oblivion where he found her last year. Juggling between drowning her sorrows and indulging in sub-par sex just to feel something, just to deny the connection they share because she felt that she wasnt worthy of him. No, that was all over now, but he can't help when the memories resurface.

The memory of Nesta writhing and arched in her bed as silver flames wreathed her body like a shroud. The screams of pain and anguish that left her lips only to be swallowed by starless night and Deaths flames. How the very mountain trembled beneath their feet, bracing itself for the potential explotion that Cassian could sense building up. Somehow he knew that Velaris would've been crumpled to dust that night and become a fond memory. He felt it in his gut. Just the same way he felt her night terrors take hold of her for her powers to bask in centre stage. And in the same breath, he also felt that he could stop it. Whether that was pure male arrogance or the suspicion of the bond that lay between them, that was yet to be found. And it was...the moment her powers seized in intensity when he said her name. Once, twice, just enough for Rhys to gain control and save them all.

No, he would never forget that and he'd be damned if it were to happen again and catch him in a helpless position as the first time he witnessed the extent of her power. A power that mostly returned back to the Cauldron, only to be replaced by 3 Dread troves and the Mothers favour. A different sort of threat perhaps. One sweeter, kinder, even benign from what he's witnessed.

Nesta barely speaks about the power the same way she did with her Cauldron gifts. She reassures him that these were different, these she understands and smiled every time he enquired about her connection with the Mother. He wishes to know more, his body yearns for it, but his mate has always loved surprises.

Cassian threw on a pair of his undershorts before leaving his and Nestas new room. Though the House of Wind has become their shared abode, its ill advised to walk around naked with the possibility of Azriel becoming an unwilling spectator with his prowling around the halls in the dead of night like he's been doing for the past year.

Cassian loves his brother, sometimes more than kin normally do, he believes sometimes, but he'll never forgive him for that night he ruined his birthday night when he walked in on Nesta modelling her new negligee in the library. He's never jumped from one intense emotion to another so quickly. Blinded by the red lace of her silk garments only to see red of a different kind when the blue of Azriels siphon opened the door.

The territorial male part of him nearly took over that night and he was inclined to let it ride him had Nesta not winnowed them to their room and pushed him onto the bed. The anger, the curiosity he had as to how Nesta was able to winnow around the House when no one else could were obscured then turned insignificant by the view of Nesta sitting astride on his thighs.

Cassian followed the music swimming through the hall which brought him to a new lounge area that didn't present itself in the centuries that he's been living here until Nesta inherited the place.

Many new things have made their presence known and sprung to life since Nestas made the House her home. Hidden rooms have materialized, troves have opened and a gorgeous garden has flourished on the top of the mountain. As if in preparation of someone, or little someone's who might need it.

Cassian isn't blind to the fact that the House makes things available according to Nestas hopes, dreams and wishes. All of which make Cassian excited for the future and a forever with his mate even more.

Nesta was leaning against the cream white wall that she and Cassian painted just last night, holding an A2 canvas painting in both hands. He couldn't decipher her facial expression or read some of the wild thoughts that were evidently bouncing around her head as Nesta was inclined to raising her mental walls to him when she was stressed. He'd once asked why and she told him that she didnt want to plague him with her problems. Didnt want to bother him. Little did she know that Cassian was built for her, problems and all. Nothing about Nesta could bother him. Not even the parts that bothered her.

"Hi." He whispered which startled Nesta before she composed herself. For her to be so drawn into her thoughts that she didnt notice him approaching, instantly put him on edge him.

"Hi." She said, plastering a lazy smile onto her face.

Cassian took that as an invitation to enter. His eyes swept across the room, taking in the organized clutter. From the closed boxes filling the lounge, the half hung snow white gossamer curtains blowing in from the open balcony, to the slightly dusty white marble tiles that were installed just last week.

Cassian was a bit skeptical when Nesta told him of her plans to decorate this room in all white. White cushions, white couches, white walls, white flower arrangements, white chandeliers and white fur carpets felt like a fever dream to Cassian, but now that it's all coming to life, he can see the vision of beauty that Nesta had in mind. A vision not only limited to this lounge but the entire House of Wind that Nesta will decorate herself with the input of the House itself to revitalize the place. All of which will be paid for by Rhys.

How the Cauldron matched him to such a female, not mere female but god, he'll never know. All he can do is be grateful and work to be worthy and deserve the gift to draw breath in her presence.

Now that Nestas accepted her Human emissary role and is the courts newly appointed courtier, she's recieving the same fat salary like the rest of the IC, but Cassian doubts that Rhysand will ever let Nesta access her funds because he insists on paying for everything for her. Which goes to show that Rhys' gratitude for Nesta runs very far. Or guilt, or both.

What Nesta did for Feyre, Nyx and Rhys was something that couldnt be described with words. She saved their lives and in doing so the entire court. Rhys failed to tell his family about him and Feyres decision and never left a plan of action to follow after his death. Had he died, the role of High Lord could've fallen to anyone. Probably Keir or one of Mors detestable brothers because they are Rhys closest male blood relatives. What they would've done to Velaris, done to the entire court....Cassian seldom contemplates that. Nestas sacrifice and mercy saved them all and in doing so, opened herself to a higher form of being that is yet to be seen.

"What are you doing up so late?"

"I had a lot on my mind. I couldn't sleep so I decided to come and get this room in order." She explained, flipping her golden brown hair over her shoulder.

"What's been on your mind?" Cassian asked casually, taking a step closer.

He'd have embraced her and held her against his chest if it weren't for the massive painting in her hands. A painting that he can feel is the source of all her trepidation.

Nesta bit her lip before turning the canvas toward him and placing it in his hands. "Feyre finally finished that and it was delivered yesterday afternoon. I was too afraid to open it then- but I figured that I wouldn't be able to sleep until I saw it."

At first glance, anyone would assume that the muse was Nesta. From the steel eyes to the clear skin and poise in the pose. But upon further inspection, the age of the woman, the beauty spot beneath her right eye and slight darker tresses reveals the truth.

"This is your mother..." Cassian said lowly. The weight of the image, not the canvas itself but the obvious memories, pain and loss the painting held settled on him.

"Was." She uttered a bit sharply. Her throat bobbing up and down.

Cassians eyes darted between Nesta and the painting. Surprise and admiration pouring into him in droves. Her sisters did mention more than once that Nesta is their mothers spitting image, but this...it was as though the same person had been born twice.

"You stole her whole face." He chuckled, bringing a sweet curve to Nestas lip.

"I know...I know." She shrugged.

Cassian lay the painting carefully against the wall then wrapped his arms around his mates shoulders. Her own found their home around his waist as she rested her chin atop his chest so that their eyes could meet.

If it were a few months ago, a year, she would've furiously blinked away the tears that have settled in her eyes, or rejected their proximity entirely. Only to retain a semblance of control that shes strived so hard to maintain. But now shes opened herself to him entirely. Made him a part of both her happiness and pain, loss and gain, victories and failure. Just as their mating vows ordered.

"Talk to me." He whispered, dragging his fingers through her hair.

"I- I just...I know that my mother was not the best of mothers, nor did she love us in the ways that a mother should but....but that doesn't make me love her any less. She might've trained me instead of raised me, saw me as a ticket to wealth and leisure or lived vicariously through me but she was still my mother." Her tears fell down her cheeks as if a damn had been broken. "There were good moments as well as bad and I'm not going to pretend that she was never loving or good to me. Elain and Feyre might've forgotten her, but I can't... I wont."

Cassian lowered his head to press soft kisses to her cheeks where her tears left stains. "I know." He murmured. "You dont share the same memories as Elain and Feyre, it's only natural that you saw her much differently and remember her in a better light than they do." He rubbed feather light circles on the back of her neck in an attempt to assuage her from her pain.

"It broke my heart when I walked through Feyres house that day and didn't see a piece of myself or her. It felt like I was being erased, forgotten. Now I've found my place in that hall but she hasn't. I couldn't allow that to happen. I couldn't let her be erased just like that."

"And she wont be, not if you will it. I'll remember her with you." Cassians lips found Nestas and before they knew it, the couple found themselves descending into a deep kiss that only a mating bond could conjure.

"You know that's one of the reasons I love you?" He stated, to which Nesta replied with a raised brow. "Your compassion, your massive heart, your loyalty... these are all qualities that you motivate me to pursue everyday. You've kept your soft side hidden for a long time and now we're starting to see it." She smiled. By far the most beautiful sight he's ever seen. "That sweet love. Just bring it on home to me."

A giggle was shared between them as soon as the words left his mouth. The lyrics of a song, their song, that came on the day of their mating ceremony that they had on repeat for 2 hours straight. Cassian had never heard a song that spoke to him and his experience with love the way that one did. One that Nesta knew would speak to his very marrow and chose not to warn him in advance, only to see his reaction.

"You're insufferable." She said, only to hug him tighter and lay her head on his chest.

"Well then you're going to have to get used to it, Nes. We only have forever left together."

Just when Cassian expected Nesta to respond, the soft melody of a piano begun in the corner of the room from Nesta symphoniam, followed by the ever true lyrics that might've been written for them, that might as well have been their wedding and mating vows.

If you ever change your mind

About leaving, leaving me behind

Baby, bring it to me

Bring your sweet loving

Bring it on home to me

Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)

Nesta begun the dance. Cassian followed with no hesitation. Though it was a far cry from the pulsating waltz they'd done in Hewn city or other court events thereafter. It was far more intimate, passionate. Just a sway of the hips and foot movements that reforged and strengthened the golden bond that surged through them on Winter Solstice and polished it to a shimmer. Their bond was not a mere tether, not a chain. It was a rainbow. Shimmering through storms and sunny days. It didnt only make its presence known or surge when they were in the throes of passion, it became more sentient when they were upset with each other. It was the musical and colourful road that led mate back to mate. Self back to self.

I know I laughed when you left

But now I know I only hurt myself

Baby, bring it to me

Bring your sweet loving

Bring it on home to me

Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)

His heart cracked at the words and the truth they carry. The memories when they were so at odds with each other that they could barely be in the same room longer than necessary. The nights when he thought the immense sadness and grief at the prospect of losing her entirely would drown him and suffocate him. When he wished that he could rip his heart out of his chest only to get a reprieve from his anguish. Anguish he attempted to expunge with throwing himself into work and training only to realize that the further they moved from one another, the further they moved from themselves.

As if Nesta could hear and feel those memories, she held onto him tighter. This female, his tether to reality, his anchor, the tree that was able to weather a thunderstorm that left the land decimated only to come back and continue to grow with fruits and flowers on display for all to see.

I'll give you jewellery and money, too

That ain't all, that ain't all I'll do for you

Oh, if you bring it to me

Bring your sweet loving

Bring it on home to me

Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)

Cassian knew that from the moment he met Nesta, there was nothing in the world that he wouldn't do for her. Nothing too out of reach that if she should request, he would give. He was already hers in mind, body and soul. Their bond might've snapped into being after she emerged from the cauldeon, but the draw he felt toward her was infinite. Like their souls were made from the same essence but placed on earth in different time periods so that they know life without the other, to appreciate being together more.

You know I'll always be your slave

'Til I'm buried, buried in my grave

Oh honey, bring it to me

Bring your sweet loving

Bring it on home to me

Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)

Cassian held up Nestas hand so that he may look upon the wedding and mating band. She requested that she have both and went to the best jeweler in Velaris to fuse both choices so that they sit as one on her finger. Both were made of rose gold, the slimmer wedding ring was imbued with three tanzanite diamonds and the larger mating band sports just one giant diamond that would need it's own security team. Cassian knew his mate loved nice things and made him pay a pretty penny to get it. He'd do again if only to see the stars that twinkled in her eyes when they chose the bands at the jeweler.

He looked at his own jeweled finger. A simple silver band that stood out more than he expected it to. He wanted to get black carbon fiber but Nesta threatened not to speak to him again if he had. Now he can't stop looking at it. He loves how it makes an appearance even though he's bedecked in full illyrian armour. He'll never forget the swell of pride he felt when his soldiers eyes zoned in on the piece of metal that could've easily been obscured by the red siphon that rests atop his hand, but chose to stand out and make its presence known. A symbol of his immature bachelorhood dead and gone, giving life to a new stage in his life. A stage he's waited for longer than he cares to admit.

He remembers using the word 'shackled' when describing his mating bond with Nesta when he was upset with her, but now that word seems appropriate. If the pieces of metal sitting on their matching fingers are the shackles of which he spoke, then he'd wear his shackles with pride.

One more thing

I tried to treat you right

But you stayed out, stayed out at night

But I forgive you, bring it to me

Bring your sweet loving

Bring it on home to me

Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah)

Cassian rarely thinks about the time they spent apart. When resentment, self punishment and grief pulled them apart only because those memories are nothing in comparison to the centuries he spent without her.

Living life believing the words of the ignorant and seeing oneself as a inferior and undeserving of the love that he relishes in now. The love that has somehow wiped away centuries of self hate and lack of self awareness. He figures that the reason why he used to be the first to throw himself into deadly missions were all desperate plea to prove himself, to put it into stone that he isn't a mere worthless bastard but is someone worthy of respect. But now his outlook has completely shifted. He is no longer living only for himself, but for another. He remembers the blind terror he felt when he thought that Nesta was swallowed by the black water in the Bog, or how she screamed when she thought that she lost him on Mount Ramiel.

He doesnt want either of them to go through that again. To be without the other. To feel that their very heart was ripped out of their chest, when both had taken permanent residence in the other.

He saw how Feyre reacted when Rhys died, and heard when Rhys screamed when Feyre was on deaths doorstop. The mere thought of Nesta experiencing that pain or him has softened his daring heart.

He will live, he will love and he will do it with Nesta in his arms.

As the song drew to a close, Nesta shifted from her position on his chest, too look upon him again. She brought her slim fingers to his cheeks and smiled. "Forever."

He could offer nothing but the same. A truth that had been both a promise and a prayer from the moment they met, "Forever."

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