#wish i could be normal about this shit lmao
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So, this week's episode...
[spoilers below cut]
WOW, a Mario Reacts! It's been a long time, hasn't it? Hell yeah, I can work with this!
(no bc seriously, I just finished watching ep. 7 of Arcane before this and I need an emotional break, yeah I know the rest of Act 3 is gonna kill me)
(the following is my live reaction:)
oh hey, Mario! Wassup?
jigsaw, is that you?
oh nvm, hello Swag! nice to see you again since last episode
I'm about to commit a crime [*strikes a pose then walks away*]
I'm willing to work in a government office just so I can come up with an acronym like, gee idk, Y.U.R.I. or something (I should've been a worker in NASA)
NO STOP STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?!
At this point, Mario, I would just give up
[*clears throat*] mejor me muero, ni modo que sigo con estos porquerías. bueno como dice Mario, bye bye [*drinks some water*] alright I'm back
TADC? ah, just a normal Saturday
no thoughts, head empty
honestly, mood
well, in his own way, yeah
[*echoes announcer voice*] VR, the new era of entertainment
...mr puzzles? nah jk jk
oh, Four's theory may not be wrong here (omg it's jesus)
still can't believe christianity is canon in the SMG4 universe
oh, so I was right! [*jigsaw voice*] "I wanna play a game."
That's actually kinda sweet that he immediately chooses his brother
OH SHIT OOOOH that's gotta hurt
NO MARIO, THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME
[*other me pops in*] emo girlfriend, omg it's smg3
no, we're NOT gonna look too much into this, shut up other me
PPFFFTTT that caught me so off guard
say it with me now: YOU CAN'T CONTROL MARIO [*applause*]
I mean, we've been through simulations before, we can take this one too
unironically, I wouldn't mind a 10-hour video of just Mario (and/or the rest of the Crew) just dancing :)
it doesn't even need to have music, I can just put my playlist on and I would totally join in
ooooh, you want to scan that QR code so badly
but also, how did they get a screenshot of my computer?
Mario 🤝 Mario Buddy from the last episode → destroying PCs for the LOLs
AKLDHLKSAFB;KL just the way Mario goes for a fighting stance just so he could run away will never not be funny to me
LET ME IN LET ME INNNNNNNNN
10 hours, welp I got my wish lmao
Mario morphing his face... hmmmm..... [*flashback noises*]
[SMG4: MAR10 Day]
....
don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it
KIRBO NOOOOOOOOO
NO NO NO SWAG NO
same vibes
meme factory? youtube arc? is that you? /j
(yeah I know that the Team uses the same assets ik)
LET'S DO THISSSS oh welp time to vibe
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
what would that be, Swag? Try not to Laugh challenge? I might win tbh
LET'S GO GAMBLING
laughing because of early victory call? very in character for Swag
oooh that's some good animation (y'know, as always)
HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE
am i thinking too much into this or is this the same military base from last episode?
Alright, my little headcanon: the events of this episode and the last one took place on the exact same day
that's just for me specifically
oh hey, more TADC ref
Also, nice PINGAS STUCK IN A DOOR ref
man Mario can't catch a break dude
Congrats to CMorseu for your art being featured at the end credits 🎉
.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.
Such a good episode! Not plot-heavy, just a silly episode. I'll gladly take it as my late birthday present. And it's great to have Swag back, kinda was half-expecting Chris to just pop out.
I've said this once and I'll say it again: I wouldn't mind if the rest of the year is just filled with goofy episodes. After all, we just came from WOTFI and we do need a bit of a break so the Team could work on the next arc. (From the looks of things, we might get goop!4 *cough cough*)
Loved the bits of animation and Mario's expressions as always.
Now, I know there is some talk about the SMG4 Crew/Mario Does Things being on hiatus and merging with the Saturday videos. If you can even call it that. Personally, I don't mind it. I completely understand if doing 2 episodes per week is a lot for the Team to handle, though I do wish they would give an explanation for it. I think the best solution would be for the Team making an announcement of the change, the reasons behind it, and how it may be different from the regular Saturday episodes. Also make it clear that "hey, the title says this so it doesn't impact the main storyline".
Anyway, it has been overall a pretty funny episode and I quite enjoyed it! Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna cry my eyes out watching the rest of Arcane Act 3 and bring that angst to the next episode concept :)
OH THE MISERY EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE MY ENEMYYYYYYY
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i just wanted to say i am completely unnormal about your pardoner oc Samson
stares at please please please please loredump please 🙏!! i love ds so eheh
Hi! I didn't forget about this ask, I've just been super busy and now I finally have a moment to answer it! Thank you so much for asking, I'll put my thoughts under a readmore bc it got long bc I kind of derailed talking about Carim in general LOL.
Since Samson is a bit of a new character, I'm still going to be working on developing him for a while, but I can tell what I do know!
I have a very big penchant for all things Carim- the land and people really fascinate me, and I like thinking about how it changed over the course of the series. I tend to believe that by DS3, the kind of pardoners we knew before aren't very common anymore (although Idk if they'd be completely gone either - we know that worship of Velka kind of seems to have fallen by the wayside, but I think there would still be people out there devoted to her, maybe some of them still even having ties to the church).
My HC is that the Church of Morne eventually became the major religious and political player in Carim once Thorolund kind of got absorbed by Carim (obv more my personal HC than canon but I think it's not so unpopular an idea), and worship of Caitha (who we know is likely to be Velka) is prominent. I think whether or not the people who worship Caitha know or believe in the Velka thing is up for debate and maybe even depends on proximity to the church or personal belief systems.
That being said, my pardoner is definitely doing his thing during the time DS3 would have been going on, because he's in a hidden relationship with another OC I have who is a Morne knight. I imagine they met during (the knight) Percival's training period, and that Morne knights overall are very much expected to keep their lives wrapped up with the Church (since you have to have a certain dedication to the faith to even become a Morne knight at all). I also HC that Carim has pretty traditional societal standards, judging from their views on knight- and maidenhood and chivalry. I don't think they'd be too fond of anything that goes outside of their brand of conservative thinking, so I doubt any sort of homosexual relationship would really fly, especially for people who's lives revolve around the Church. Hence Samson and Perci keeping their relationship secret.
I HC Samson to be really interested in and fascinated by Velka, I haven't quite considered all of what his beliefs about her being Caitha are but that's something I very much want to uncover and work on bc it's something I like to explore with all my Carim OCs (I have a problem). Outside of all that, he's a pretty private, quiet, reflective person. He would rather listen than talk, which makes him very suited to listen to confessions and help absolve people of their sins. I could go into his ideas on sin and his more personal "relationship" with Velka but maybe another time lol. Unfortunately, his story is kind of fucked up and sad, bc Idk, that's just how I like it.
During the time that he and Perci have grown close, Samson has suffered an illness that would eventually be fatal, though he's held it off through the use of healing miracles only for it to come back with a vengeance each time. In the end, before Perci is set to leave Carim with his maiden, Samson confesses this to him because he's been keeping it a secret in order to not worry Perci. He eventually decides he'd rather simply die than have to live that way and especially without Perci, so he does pass away before Perci heads out. Perci is already a sort of cynical person, but this really shatters his spirit. I won't get too much into Perci's own thing, but he and his maiden have a pretty shitty relationship initially and she's quite cruel to him even though they reconcile and part later.
I'm sorry for rambling a lot :x but I really appreciate this ask and getting to talk a bit about some of this stuff! Thank you again!!
#ask bug#patchesenthusiast#my ocs#pardoner samson#percival the tear-stained#wish i could be normal about this shit lmao
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I think everyone who acts like this needs to shut the fuck up forever
#how dare you have a netflix subscription when that 13 bucks couldve gone to someone suffering#clearly you care more about your shows than people being bombed#how dare you buy anything thats not essential every penny you have must go to a poor person or youre a bad person#also if you wish death upon people for that shit you are not the normal one#youre fucking deranged actually#we must live in bare bones poverty by choice with nothing on the walls and eat off one plate with one fork and knife#you can live off ramen noodles so buying any other food is bad because you arent donating it#i could go on and on about why this mentality is fucking stupid lmao
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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apologizing in advance for the person i will become when the next pjo show season comes out
#and the one after that etc#IM GOING TO BE SO NORMAL OK. ill be the normalest guy ever. nobodys gonna be more normal than me about this#iv. eive. been reading the pjo books (first time actually) and. I care them all so mcuh. the books ever#so so many things i cant wait to see in the show. ive been imagining how some stuff could be translated into the show as i read#im so excited ougfhhh i love these books. life changing reads and im not even really halfway done with them#i just started the third one today actually :mindblown:#i sat down just to read the first few pages before i go to sleep. and erm. i ended up sitting there reading the first ~60 pages for over#-an hour instead. Its so good man the only reason i stopped reading is bc if i dont go to sleep now ill pass out lmao#anygays i love pjo forever and ever and when the next seasons come out im going to be insufferable (/pos)#Also i feel like im always saying this but#im not actually apologizing like i said in the post. im not sorry for shit!! im having a good time#cam.txt#side note omfg i wish i didnt get so much of pjo spoiled its ruining my fun. everything couldve been so much more enjoyable#its my fault im always spoiling media for myself just bc of my insatiable need to know everything Smh. im my own worst party pooper.#a killjoy but not in the cool mcr “killjoys make some noise” way 😞😞 big ol spoilsport right here
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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one time in third year when i was 14 and living in scotland a popular girl asked if she could copy my homework and i looked at her with 100% sincere surprise and disapproval and said "but then how will you learn the material?" and they still didnt screen me for autism until i was twenty four years old 😑
#i imagine this is due to the combined effects of being afab and moving every year but come on guys#about the possum#man. in retrospect. genuine respect for 14yo beau in particular for being probably the version of me that was.#putting the least amount of effort into Seeming Normal#do sort of with that didn't mean Being The Biggest Square These Scottish Teenagers Have Ever Seen. But. you cant win em all ig#potentially gave an. interesting impression of What Americans Are Like. hey waid academy students in 2009 thats not an american thing#the shit i had going on that year was 60% autism and 40% transgenderism. give or take like 2% cultural whiplash#anyway. sort of wish i could talk to any of those kids now and find out who they are outside the prism of 'why am i here and 14 im in hell'#......but not enough to get back on facebook obviously. lmao
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Wait I think I missed something in this incredible saga. Are you going on a date with the coworker??? I swear the last thing I saw was “no I would never” lmaoooo. If so, I (like the rest of snzblr) are anxious for updates about your love life. You’re one of the top snzblr couples now, enjoy 🤙
I did say I would never and I was a fucking liar apparently 😔 it's not technically a date tho bc I never told him it was bc I need to be so casual and mysterious ahdkaksk but it's a date To Me lmao. It's tomorrow tho bc we're still at work rn and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon so at least I have that to look forward to I guess lmao
#not snz#we're not a couple tho nooooo 😭😭 lmaooo#it's just me being delusional#like he's literally not into me i stg i think y'all are gonna be more disappointed about the outcome than me#OH but he did hug me tho so I'm riding that high rn actually ahskamsk#lowkey have just been leaning against him half the shift but we've been watching videos and stuff together bc it's been slow so#that means nothing probably#also he looks at me like 😒 every time i ask one if my stupid little debate questions ahsakslsl#today was if ceral is a soup and if ketchup is a smoothie#please know that i ask these randomly literally out of nowhere like it's a normal thing to bring up lmaoooo#i have negative flirting skills ahdkaksk#this is the opposite of pulling a bad bitch by being autistic this is making the coworker question why he puts up with me lmaoooo#but he's the one who said yes to dinner so 😌#you know what he's never seen me in a cute little outfit before actually 👀#it's always been either the work uniform or hiking clothes#which to be fair my hiking clothes are kinda cute but they're hiking clothes nonetheless#like he saw me in normal clothes a bit ago but i was actively dying so they were just the most comfortable clothes i could find#so like maybe i can wear a skirt i have cute skirts i like wearing out with my bestie#and they're like. very specific kinds of skirts so maybe that'll tell him something ahskasmks#help why am i thinking so hard about this ahdkalslal#like it's literally actually not even a date it's just me flipping out for no reason while this guy is clueless 😭#like I'm telling y'all he's not into me and i don't understand why I'm being like this about it lmaoo#I'm always like 'fuck i wish my coworkers wouldn't crush on me to the point of asking me out that's awkward i don't date coworkers'#AND THEN I TURNED AROUND AND DID IT MYSELF#why am i like this#why am i so 👀 when he's one of the few people i shouldn't be 👀 at#i swear i should give it a couple months bc maybe I'm just feeling some type of way about him bc i was sick#but noooo i just HAVE to be insane about it now 😭#i should really have a tag for me being a pathetic wreck but idk what it would even be lmao#no matter he'll probably figure out that I'm being a freak sooner or later and shut that shit down so it won't matter 😔
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If we talk about our DID "too much" we'll have periods of time where we can't hear the system as well or start to forget that we have So Many Notes and didn't make it all up... such is life lmao
#no context honor system#i mean the forgetting is better than flashbacks#but still annoying#we wish we could talk about it “normally” but it seems so “abnormal” to begin with#even tho it's relatively simple#i think we had a panic attack the day we openly switched in front of our therapist#and explained who was who lmao#between the internalized ableism the fear of rejection and denial shit is a process haha
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AH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY EARLIER but it's kind of stupid, lmao.
So my partner is getting into brewing beer and I got them a Tilt, which is a Bluetooth hydrometer. It measures specific gravity and temperature, which are things you want to know so that you don't kill your yeast or whatever. Except the sensor's Bluetooth range is super short, and it basically runs via a phone app, and the temperature we're logging currently is the crawlspace, accessible via the staircase closet. So they were like, wait, what do we do about this, because I can't leave my phone in the closet, that's my alarm clock.
In a kind of ridiculous turn of life imitating art, I was like, hold up, I got just the thing right at my desk. Bam. Old phone. We just needed to scrounge up a charger because the battery is so dead that after charging just enough to power on it claimed it was at 53% (to be fair to it, there is a very real chance that it's correct, and it just holds no charge at this point so the capacity is just THAT low) and now it lives in the closet logging sensor data.
And I was like, you know...didn't I just solve a major story detail with a much larger version of this...yeah, no, this is all vaguely familiar somehow, power supply issues and all. Kind of cool that the concept works though. Kind of weird that it came up at all?
We are not gonna talk about the fact that I still have at least two more ancient-ass phones in a drawer where that came from because look, man, sometimes you just need a camera/mic/mini computer with Bluetooth and wifi that fits in a pocket, and people just get rid of these things, but not me. I actually could build a shitty security system out of them if I was reaaaally inclined. I mean. I'm not. But it's technically possible.
For real though, If I pick up any stupid maker projects I still high-key am thinking about slapping Bluetooth into a necomimi headset and running that through an Arduino and learning to code just enough to let me skip songs/change the volume on Spotify with my brain, because it's entirely doable, and I mean yeah I could do that on my phone remotely too, but that's not funny, now, is it. I'm just not sure it's $350+ of parts funny. Kind of a big investment just to prove the point that haha look I am the extremely ADHD type of lazy where I would rather solve a problem via the most convoluted and complicated Rube-Goldberg type ass machine way possible rather than just perform a single simple action.
YEAH I'VE BEEN THIS SCATTERED ALL DAY AND I REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED SHOULDN'T I. I started playing Satisfactory. Mistakes were made. I'm going to dream about conveyor belts again and I did it to myself...
#you know I used to mostly blog about witchcraft and paganism#and now I'm like. you know what I want to do? chain an EEG sensor to the Spotify API and skip songs with my brain.#it's kind of like magic when you put it like that. maybe things haven't actually changed that much after all#the headset idea actually came about bc I'd gotten so far into the writing zone that I literally just. tried to skip a song with my brain.#because I had so much reploid characters on my mind that it just sounded like a normal course of action I should be able to take#obviously it didn't work and cue me sitting there for a full 3 seconds going 'why didn't it. wait. why did I think it would?'#followed immediately after by 'YEAH BUT I PROBABLY COULD DO THAT ACTUALLY'#because you just Cannot write a character like Glitch without it rubbing off on you a little bit and WWGD kicked in real hard lmao#well obviously he'd [ridiculous chain of ideas ending in 'anyway I installed some shit and now I can control Spotify with my mind']#and I gotta say I do not like the idea of sticking a sensor on the *inside* of my skull. sounds very bad.#but it doesn't have to be on the inside to work soooo there's that!#I have a friend who for quite a long time had a rare earth magnet in one finger so he could find live wires by touch#he ended up removing it for work eventually but when I say I was jelly. man. but also kinda squeamish about it.#I do not like sharp things and I am Very funny about my fingers as an artist/writer/used to be musician.#but man that sounds cool. I want the magnet senses. I don't think I want them enough to have a magnet under my skin though#I think I wouldn't use them enough for that to be helpful actually lmao#anyway do I even need more senses? probably not. mine are already unfiltered and loud as shit.#'boy I wish I could sense magnetic fields' says idiot guy who can hear the mains hum even with no electronics currently turned on#like when the power goes out I can FEEL the fucking difference in the air and it's unnaturally quiet and kinda spooky#I do not think I need help on this front actually. I think I got it handled pretty okay lol
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. Tw
#tw negative#tw mental health#I hateeeee having a fucked up brain but I expecially hate it at night. I wanna sleep so fucking bad.#I NEED to sleep or else tomorrow I will be tired as shit and won’t function.#but my brain is like yea you should think about kys#and it’s like??? we’ve been over this??#anyway I have been getting help at the uni services but the psychologist assessing me is like. a 60 yo that I don’t feel comfortable with#she’s nice and all but it feels like explaining my problems to my grandma#AND it’s online therapy and this house has paper-thin walls but where tf else would I do the sessions#so I think if anything it’s making shit worse#anyway I am lonely as fuck and I feel stupid lmaoo#also body stuff. I made the mistake of weighting myself a few weeks ago and it goes on a loop-de-loop on my brain#lmao I wish I could shut my brain off with a switch or something. can’t believe there’s people who just. feel normal often.
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Kinda wish my family was ya know... More tight-knit
#miranda talking shit#Traditions? A sense of belonging? A comfortable feeling when togheter ? Never heard of them lmao#Genuinely the one thing that is keeping our family 'togheter' is my mom. She has the bes relationship with everyone. After that i guess my#Oldest brother... I think im the most problematic one bc i dont attempt to keep in touch with anyone else bc i dont feel that want or need#I talk with my oldest brother a little on discord but otherwise nah#Hearing others talk about traditions and things they do together as a family sounds so sweet and im like ... I wish i could relate#Our family has always just been weird. Might be the big age difference between kids. 13 yrs between oldest and 6 between youngest#Theb add in dads bonding problem which he have passed ob to everyone its just awkward man. Maybe im the only one who thinks that way#I just know the older i get... The worse i feel about seeing my family lmao. Maybe its mainly a dad problem. I wonder how it would be if he#Wasnt there if iy would be easier. Only thing i kinda enjoy with xmas is probably the tree. But... I decorated and fixed it with mom always#So once again its something i have bc of her. Id love to clebrate a real Christmas with someone i love some day#Just us. Or maybe us and some mutual friends. I want to see how different it would feel . Maybe id actually enjoy the holidays then#I just feel so indiffrent about it. It feels like an normal day it really is for me. Im home alone with my cats and im going to play games#Xmas is about love but since i dont love 90% of the people ive spent xmas with in the past im just like... Well uh dont...care unfortunatel
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saw another absurd receipt anon that's been going around surrounding AOTV and I swear to god why does people post these kind of things and the fact that it's so detailed and indepth, also insider info, it's so fake and I don't get why people bother to post them, why, for clout?? Receipts like those always causes hysteria and endless discussions, it's dumb tbh
anon 2: jen have you seen the anon who’s apparently watched aotv? i really want your thoughts on that i don’t know what to think or what to believe but i’ll be really disappointed if what they’re saying is true
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I'm just gonna group these together--I've been out today, and it took me a while to figure out what everyone was all in a lather about, but it looks like a lot of other people have answered this, and a lot more coherently than I ever could! Check out this one, this one, and this one! And my tags!
#i feel like it's giving very much 'harry went on howard stern and omg can you believe he said this????'#and yeah he said it--but jesus the bad faith read on the tone#the out of context hand wring of it all#just so you could be the first one to stir up a lot of shit over literally nothing#and in this case especially so because a) HE HAS ALREADY SAID ALL OF THESE THINGS#and b) he probably will again!#the tone will be different but the message won't#and i don't think he's gonna shit on harry or anything#but he will mention the breakup of the band and he will mention harry around that#because he already has!#and he did it in a sincere way that reflected how he felt in that moment#which is human and normal and totally okay lmao#i really wish louis could market the whole 'pick someone supportive' bullshit and put it on merch or something#like idk what to tell you--if you're supporting a closeted artist#guess what?#they aren't gonna out themselves in a doc like this#and if you really do support him jesus maybe get excited#have some curiosity about what he's gonna say and how he's gonna say it
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#i genuinely feel sick lmao#like wtf am i supposed to do now#im living with my parents and ive been told TO MY FACE that im too much to handle#which is like yes ok obviously i already knew that#but there is a HUGE difference btwn knowing that and being told it#like god#i just wish that they had told me earlier that it was too much#instead of waiting until they decided i was in a crisis and needed immediate intervention#like why couldnt this wait until next week#why am i suddenly in immediate danger#i literally was doing fine#like not fine#but they could have just told me that they cant handle me and left#like they didnt have to do all that extra shit like ik im needy but u only have to tell me once if u dont want me to contact you#i feel fucking disgusting#cant even fucking live on my own lmfao#istg every time i make new friends i do it worse#why is it that nobody gives a shit until suddenly theyre terrified for me#why cant i just have someone care a normal amount about my wellbeing#why can you stage a whole fucking intervention but u cant just hang out for a little while sometimes#i should literally just stop trying atp like i just fuck everything up worse
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You genuinely need to heal I’m not even kidding if u still feel falsely validated by the “Preferences” being abused/unalived/turned into baby mothers/etc that shit is still devastating why are u so happy other women are being abused. Another woman being unalived doesn’t mean that he loves you. Being male identified will literally end u, sis.
Think about *why* you associate your crush literally MURDERING his “preference” with him “loving and desiring” you, instead. Do u hold the subconscious belief that he would do the same to you and blame it on you being dark skinned because he hates himself? Sis, WAKE UP, THE PROJECTION!!!!
#abuse tw#shadow work#black women divest#oh yeahs I absolutely include trans women don’t even play with me lmao#anyways#I was mostly raised by women so that explains why my standards have always been so high lol#idk the ppl who raised me weren’t that male identified so there lmao#my npc dad made damn sure to teach me that women were the prize so there’s that lol#it’s so weird being harassed by self hating black men for being dark skinned#but the SECOND they see me up close then I’m treated like a depedestalized preference 🙄#lol it’s confusing by design#but then would call me self hating and ‘selfish’ ok what exactly specifically do I owe you QUICKLY NOW#cus before I was a crusty black bitch#but since u see I benefit from featurism and texturism I’m ’one of the good ones’ FUCK YOU NIGGA LMFAOOOO#me being dark skinned doesn’t grant u grace or access BITCH#and I’m also one of those ‘too pretty to be a lesbian’ lesbians no matter how hard I try lmfao#I wish I could only be seen by women ngl#I wasn’t raised to believe any of this shit was normal so divestment wasn’t that hard of a choice tbh#I already never gave a fuck about neurotypical social norms so I basically steamroll their fragile egos by not even acknowledging the games
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