#I NEED to sleep or else tomorrow I will be tired as shit and won’t function.

[ginger-and-oliveoil]

. Tw

[cjjohansson]

love is enough - p.2

natasha romanoff x reader // comfort? smut? reader has a penis. 18+

part 1

“I love you. After all this time, I still love you. It’s always been you, it was you yesterday, it was you 2 months ago, a year ago. It is you today, it will be you tomorrow and for the rest of my life it will be you, I love you Natasha.” 

Her hand moves to your face, your own head leaning into her palm as she takes the weight of it. 

“But what if love isn’t enough y/n?” 

---------

You stepped away from her slowly, the hurt and shock reflecting on your face. What could you say to that? Because deep down you know it is true. Love might come from a relationship and might help develop one but not only does love exist in one. 

Natasha deserves love. You deserve love. 

And it is that simple, sometimes it isn’t enough. And it is a shit realization as it comes out of her mouth.

So when you find yourself not able to say a word, she stares back at you, waiting. 

And then she turns to leave when you say nothing and you let her. 

You both need more time to think and breathe. A lot was said between you both that needs to be thought through. 

Could she forgive you for going on that mission? For destroying her while destroying yourself?

Could you forgive her for sleeping with another while she was lonely and in pain?

If only the questions were easier. 

You're not the only one conflicted in this. Natasha is too, how is she meant to trust that you’ll always be there, that you won’t abandon her for something else you believe you need to do? How is she meant to forgive herself for sleeping with someone else when it is already eating her alive? 

Your brain is running wild, question after question as you stay facing the door. 

You turn around to your bed, your belongings scattered all over. You can’t leave. You can’t.

Not now, not when you know there could still be a chance to be back with her. 

And god, would you do everything and anything to get her back. 

--------

You wish it took the same amount of time to put back your stuff as it did throwing it on your bed but it didn't. By now it was already reaching midnight. You had fargone going down to eat with the team. It hadn’t taken Bucky long to come up to your room and try to talk you into coming down. But you couldn’t, not with Natasha down there, it didn’t seem right to, not after what happened. It only shocked you when Bucky had then told you that Natasha didn’t go down either, and was refusing to even talk to anyone through her door. They only knew she was in there and alive due to FRIDAY telling them she was.

It broke you all over again. 

How many times was your heart going to break in one day?

You threw the last of your stuff off your bed, feeling too distracted in your thoughts to finish it. You were tired, yet wide awake. Hungry, yet awfully nauseous. Nothing was going to settle you but Natasha. 

You find yourself speaking to FRIDAY, asking if Natasha was awake and still in her room and if she had left to eat something or had something in her room. She was awake and in her room, yet she hadn't left to eat. 

You knew what to do. 

You asked FRIDAY to place an order from your favorite pizza place. One half and half, spicy chicken on one half and pepperoni on the other, along with some chicken wings on the side. It was one of your and Natashas favorite comfort food. It was what was needed right now and you hoped with your whole heart she allowed you in. 

Unsurprisingly the food doesn't take long at all, it never does when you're ordering to the compound. You make sure to double check with FRIDAY if Nat is still awake and she is. 

When you approach her door, you try to tell yourself this is the best thing to do right now. You both need to talk and stretching it out for longer will only make the situation even worse than it already is. So you take a breath, count to 10, remind yourself that this isn’t a stranger. This is someone you have been in love with since the moment you laid eyes on her. 

“Tash?” You knock gently on her door, pressing your ear against to hear any movement, you don’t.

“Natasha, please open the door…” You hear bed covers shuffling around until you see a shadow appear at the small gap at the bottom of the door. 

“I know you're there, I can hear you breathing and I can see your shadow…” Still nothing.

“I have pizza?” You hear the door click. 

She is already back in bed under her covers before you can even fully step into her room. You're always amazed at how fast she can be when she wants to be. 

You move to her slowly, closing the door behind you. Yet you hesitate when you reach her bed. Not knowing if it is now classed as crossing a line to sit on her bed or not. 

She shocks you when she scoots over in the bed and lifts up her covers…

“I…err…I have outside clothes on. You don’t like it when I-”

“You have a t-shirt in the third drawer.” She mutters as she holds her hand out for the pizza box. 

You awkwardly shuffle over to the drawer, finding your t-shirt right away. 

“Do you have any-”

“You can just wear your t-shirt and boxers, it isn’t like I haven't seen you naked before.” Your cheeks flush red, suddenly feeling embarrassed for being so awkward. You don't even understand why you are being like this. You know you came here to talk, that was the only intention, to talk and to try and fix what you broke in the first place. You hurry yourself in changing, before making your way back over to her bed and sliding in beside her. 

You try not to let it bother you when she sits up straighter and leans away from you to put the pizza box in between you both. 

“Why the pizza?” Natasha mutters yet again as she takes a bite of a slice. 

“Thought it could be some kind of peace offering while we talk?” She lets out a breathless chuckle, your body turning to face her quickly, a smile spreading on your own. It’s been too long since you heard her laugh.

“Always knew the way to my heart didn't you…” Your smile drops. Her words flutter through your head once again, ‘but what if love isn’t enough y/n’. You fiddle with the pizza in your hand moving it back to the box as you start to feel nauseous all over again. 

“Sorry, that…I suppose that isn’t fair after what I said earlier…”

“No, no it’s- you're fine. You are right by the way.” You turn to look at her again, her brows furrowed as she puts her slice down, closes the box and moves it to the side table, she moves closer to look at you and you try not to hold your breath. 

“You're right, sometimes love isn’t enough…because love is a feeling and yes those feelings can change but to me the only way they have changed is that they have only become even deeper, but regardless of that, relationships are more than just feelings. They’re also about actions, choices and commitments. And I neglected them, I ruined that by going on that mission. Because you're right again, that mission did ruin me and I know that deep down as much as I thought I needed to go and finish it, I didn’t and it ruined me even more. And because of my own actions and choices, I came back and I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so sorry for leaving, I am so sorry I destroyed you, I never meant for any of that to happen, I was so lost and I left you behind and that wasn't fair, so I promise Natasha, nothing like this will ever happen again. I’m not leaving, I’m not going anywhere. So yeah, sometimes love isnt enough Tasha, but I promise you this time and for the rest of our lives it will be.” Your voice is clear through your whole mini monologue, staring into her eyes so she knows how truthful you’re being. You need her to know and feel everything you're telling her, you need her to believe you. She stays quiet for a while, tears filling your eyes over the fear of her leaving, the fear of your words and promises not being enough. 

“I wanted you to stay so badly, I just, you have always put me first and I know you have. I get that this mission was hard, god it was such a difficult position for you to be in and I needed you to stay so I knew you were okay. You wouldn’t even let me come, it hurt, you kept pushing me away. You were having nightmares every night and you wouldn’t let me comfort you, I was just stuck. I felt like the person I was in love with was slipping away right in front of me and no matter what I tried to do, it didn't make a difference. And I got in my own head too, I felt like no matter how much I tried to love and look after you it wasn’t enough anymore…I generally thought you fell out of love with me, it was just so confusing. Leaving felt easier than staying and that’s when I knew I didn't have another choice, you know? And I fucked up after…I slept with someone barely a week after you left and that wasn't fair, it isn’t fair. I felt so shit and alone and hurt…I was just in self destruction mode and I know that isn’t an excuse. Just in my head, how I felt, I just wanted and needed to be loved and in the end I ended up feeling awful and dirty…I regret it, with everything in me, I regret everything that happened from the moment you left. But I just didn't know how to handle it? I love you Y/n, I do, I truly love you and I want everything with you, I always have and I always will. I need you to forgive me Y/n, for sleeping with her and ruining this too, I need you to forgive me.” Natasha isn’t very steady with her words, she never had been when it came to herself being vulnerable. Her words stuttered all over the place, tears streaming down her face. It was hard to not pull her into your arms and hold her against your chest, she needed to calm down, or she was going to hyperventilate and that was the last thing she needed right now. 

“Hey, shhh, I forgive you. As much as I hate that it happened, we both can’t change that it did. We weren’t together anymore, the moment I left, we broke up, I know that. I forgive you, Natasha. I forgive you.” You whisper into her ear as you lean down and hold her closer, her body moving to straddle your lap so you can hold her more comfortably. 

“You’re okay. I’m here, you’re here.” You whisper again in her ear, you notice her breathing not calming down, sometimes she is like this after a nightmare and you can only ever get her to breathe properly again doing one thing which you really don't want to do right now. You decide to give her a moment to try and calm down before you have to resort to that. 

You continue to hold her tight, whispering to her that she is okay over and over again. Rocking her back and forth, just anything else you can think of. Yet her breathing only seems to be getting worse. You pull away slightly, pulling her face in front of yours. You notice instantly that she isn’t here with you right now, your body goes into overdrive. Standing up and wrapping her legs around your waist, moving her quickly into the bathroom. You step into her shower and make sure you are holding her properly, if you falter your hold you will drop her from the way she is about to move. You flick on the shower and you’re instantly met with her arms flying out and her body tensing as the water falls over her. Natasha’s breathing gets even faster for a moment before she takes a massive deep breath and starts to slow down, her body sagging as she closes her eyes. It still takes her a few moments under the cold water until she fully controls her breathing and allows herself to fall even more into my arms and shivers from the cold.

You turn the shower off, being rewarded with a kiss to your neck as you get out and wrap a towel around her. Moving her back into her bedroom, grabbing her new clothes to wear. Natasha whines when you go to move her, but allows you to finally put her down onto her own feet. Your hand lands on her cheek, pressing a lingering kiss onto her forehead. 

“You should get changed, or you’ll just get more cold. And I should probably go…” You feel guilty saying that after everything that has just happened but you feel like staying will only give off the wrong impression. Natasha stays quiet as you turn to leave, you see her in the corner of your eye take off her t-shirt, being met with her bare back…

“Stay? Please?” Your breath hitches as you turn back to face her, her t-shirt still not covering her body. She leans down, taking her underwear off and then moving towards you. Natasha stands in front of you, your eyes trying their hardest not to stray from her face. Natasha’s hands move to the bottom of your wet t-shirt, slowly bringing it up and over your head and it meets hers on the floor. You try your hardest to ignore the twinge in your boxers, but it becomes difficult when her hands move lower and she slowly starts to pull them down off of you too. 

She stays standing in front of you, pushing her body to press against yours. Her hands reach for yours to wrap around her body. It’s been too long since you’ve felt her skin against yours. 

It feels like coming home. 

You hold her tight against you, your breathing matching hers as she stands on her tiptoes to press her face into your neck. 

You reach your hands lower, moving underneath her ass to pick her up, she wraps her legs around your waist perfectly and you choose to ignore the moan that releases from her mouth when her core touches your stomach. 

You move back into the bedroom, laying her down gently onto the bed and placing yourself between her legs. Your forehead rests against her own, taking in the warmth and feeling of her body all over again. It had been 6 months since you had both been intimate with one another. 6 months of not feeling her pressed against you. 

Natasha’s hand touches your cheek delicately, pulling you down slowly to meet her lips. 

You kiss her eagerly, like she is the only thing able to bring you back to life, and honestly that felt true. 

The kiss only intensified, lust filling both of you as Natasha wraps her legs around you and pulls you to be flat against her. Her hips grinding up into you, your member poking her entrance, you try your hardest to hold back a groan but she has so much power over you. 

“I need you y/n, I want you so badly…” Natasha mumbles against your lips, her grinding continuing to work you up even more. You want and need her too, in every way imaginable. 

You move your kisses down her body, leaving mark after mark as you make your way down her neck, breasts and stomach. 

You press soft kisses into Natashas inner thighs, her whining making fire spread throughout your body. Your first lick is gentle, soft, tender, but when her hands grip your hair as she grinds herself hard into your face, you already know there is no time for slow, teasing movements. 

Natasha mewls as you continue to eat her out, your hands falling from her waist to gather her slick at her entrance, your fingers teasing her as you suck hard on her clit. Natashas moans continue to spread around the room, louder and louder, your brain going fuzzy as her moans consume you. 

“Fu-ckkk, I’m-I’m cu-cuming!” Natasha shouts as her orgasm floods through her, her back arching off the bed while her thighs hold a tight grip around your head, your movements slowing down to help her through the high. 

When she finally falls back onto the bed, her thighs loosening, you slowly move away from her, pressing more kisses onto her inner thigh as you make your way back up her body. Her breathing is still erratic but it doesn’t stop her from pulling you down back into a feverish kiss, her tongue pressing into your mouth as she breathes harshly. ‘I love you’s’ falling into both of your mouths as she starts to grind her hips back up into you. 

Natasha pulls her legs from your sides, moving them in between your own as she pulls away from your kisses. A smirk lining her face as she leans forward to press a teasing kiss onto the corner of your mouth before she turns over onto her hands and knees. Her ass pressing back up into you, making a groan fall from your mouth. 

“Fuck Tasha, are you trying to kill me…” You manage to breathe out as you press your hard on against her, your eyes zoning in on her back as she arches perfectly into the bed. 

You don't give her time to react as you rub your cock against her, lubricating yourself up before you push in. Her breath hitches as you push yourself fully in, your hips meeting her ass. Her walls squeezing you tightly, making your own eyes fall shut, you might cum just like this. 

“Shhhittt! Fuck Y/n!” Natasha grunts as her body falls down, the only thing keeping her up being the tight grip you have on her hips. 

You start slowly, already feeling so overwhelmed just being inside her. Her walls are so tight, making it harder for you to even pull out, choosing to lower her and yourself so she is flat against the bed. Your body covering hers as you press your face into her neck, peppering kisses into it, lingering near her mouth as you continue to move your hips. 

Breathless moans continuously fall from Natashas lips, the sound turning you on even more, your hips finally speeding up, pulling louder moans as you pound your hips into her.

“FUCK! Shiiii- I love you, fuckkkk I love you so much!” Natasha moans into your mouth as she pulls your face against hers. Your hips somehow moving impossibly faster and harder, her words spurring you on. 

“Ughhhh, you're taking me so well, being such a good girl!” You pulled away from her lips, biting into her neck as you felt yourself getting so close to release, it only helps when Natasha keeps whimpering into your ear, her ass pushing back into you despite the difficult angle for her. 

“Babyyyy, I’m gonna, fuck I’m- UGHHH” Natasha screams as her body tenses, her walls sucking you in as she pulses around you. 

“Shit! Fucking hell!!!” You shout, your hips stuttering as you cum deep inside of Natasha. Your grinding continues as you help ride out both of your highs. You can see the sweat dripping down Natashas back, and you can feel the sweat dripping down your own. Natasha continues to clench around you, her body slowly untensing as you go to pull out of her. 

You flop yourself onto your back next to Nat, groaning as your back meets the bed. Natasha hums as she leans closer, pressing deep kisses onto your shoulder and over your chest as she goes to straddle your lap. 

You let her move over you, knowing her intentions just by the type of kisses she leaves on you. Her hand going down to grab you, jerking you up and down, getting you hard all over again as she lowers herself onto you. You gasp, feeling hot all over as you meet her warm sex. Natasha relaxes onto you, her chest meeting your own as her lips attach to yours. 

“I love you so much…I’m sorry for everything that happened…” She mumbles against your lips.

“I’m sorry too baby, fuck…I’m sorry too, never again, none of this is ever going to happen again. SHit, I love you so much!” You groan as she starts to roll her hips all over again, working you up just to stop. 

“Promise me, promise me that love is enough sometimes…” 

“I promise baby, I promise it is, but this time it’s going to be so much more than love, I promise!” You groan yet again as her hips start grinding deeper, her kisses getting more intense as you finish talking. 

“Good, now show me how much you mean it again…”

[lvis44]

Sweet Escape - Wedding Pt. 2 // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: Language, Alcohol Consumption, Angst, Anxiety

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: Paradise is supposed to be fun and relaxing... a Sweet Escape, but when unspoken feelings and jealousy rise to the surface, everything can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

Notes: The second part of our wedding... I was reading my doc and figured this part was solid enough to be put into the universe lol. More to come but, once again, I do not know the timeline. I hope this holds you guys enjoy and this holds you over in the meantime! *insert Lil Wayne - Sorry 4 The Wait - here*. I've said it a million times and I will say it a million more, I cannot get my brain to stay in one tense while writing so ignore it the best you can lol. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

Previous Sections: Prologue - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Epilogue - The Wedding Pt.1

You’re not sure how long you’ve been staring at the dark ceiling when you hear your phone start to vibrate on the side table, causing you to groan. Just because your nerves are keeping you awake doesn’t mean you want to talk to anyone. When you see his name flash across your screen your first reaction is to laugh at his insistence but quickly anxiety washes over you. Every possible thing that could be wrong flashing through your mind as you answer his call.

“Lew?” You croak out, your voice dry in your throat.

“Hey. Shit, I didn’t wake you did I? Just needed to hear your voice and this can’t possibly count as me seeing you before the wedding.” He’s quiet on the other end, probably trying not to wake Miles in the other room.

“No, can’t sleep.” You admit. You’ve thought a few times throughout the night that you should have given in and let him hold you tonight, knowing you more than likely already would have fallen asleep.

“Neither can I, my nerves are going crazy.” He sounds vulnerable and you can’t help but worry.

“Not backing out on me, are you?” You attempt to joke, even though the anxiety is real.

“What? No, baby, never.” He laughs at the absurdity of your question, making you feel that much better, “No, I’m just stressing over the whole thing. Thinking maybe we should have just run away and eloped.”

“We still can.” You giggle, knowing he’s joking but understanding the feeling.

He joins you in your laughter before falling silent. You know he’s too deep in his own thoughts so you let him settle on what he wants to say.

“I’m just worried something will go wrong like the catering will be shit or the decorations won’t be right. I don’t know, I just need it to be perfect for you. Perfect for us.” He finally shares, his voice is tired.

“Lew, the only thing that could possibly ruin tomorrow is if for some reason we legally can’t get married. Even if we end up in a courthouse, I’m ending the day as your wife. Everything else is just an excuse for us to throw a kick ass party.” You try your best to assure him.

His laugh comes through the phone before he lets out a sigh, “You’re right, nothing else matters. This is why I’m marrying you ya’ know.”

“Why? Because I would have said yes even if you proposed with a ring pop?” You tease him, your smile spreading across your face.

“Well that,” He laughs, “but also because with two sentences from you, I’ve felt calmer than I’ve felt since the second I got here to the hotel. You always manage to make everything seem okay and truth be told as long as I have you, it is.”

His words hit you deep, knowing how much he means them.

“You know you’re supposed to save the vows for later, right?” You joke, trying not to choke up, knowing if you’re too sincere with him right now you will end up in tears.

“I love you Y/N.” He says simply, aware you're trying not to get too emotional.

“I love you Lewis. You wanna stay on the phone?” It’s something you’ve done many times while he’s been away and the distance has gotten to be too much. You barely talk, just content in the sound of each other's breathing and the rustle of the others sheets.

“If you don’t mind?” He sounds nervous again, like he feels like he’s asking too much of you.

“Always. Good night Lew, I love you.” You say quietly, settling back into your bed.

“I love you baby.”

You don’t say another word, both falling asleep quickly after your chat. The comfort of each other being all you needed to truly relax.

* * *

Charlotte's soft voice ringing through the room is the first thing you hear as you try to adjust to being awake. The second you start to come into yourself, the nerves come flooding in.

“You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you?” Charlotte is laughing as you sit up in bed. Your phone is still sitting on top of the comforter next to you, the call now having ended. You can only assume Lewis is already awake and getting ready or his phone died. You can’t help but smile at the memory of your conversation last night, both of you needing a moment of solace within the other.

“What?” You ask groggily, attempting to wipe the sleep from your eyes.

“Well, to start I said Good Morning Ms. Soon to be Hamilton,” She started, her voice much too loud before realizing and quieting right down, “then I told you that hair and makeup are on their way to the venue and the car will be here in about an hour.”

You raised your eyebrows at her as she sat down on the bed.

“I know, I should have woken you up earlier but I heard you talking in here at almost three in the morning, I assume with Lewis, and I wanted you to get some sleep,” She explains softly, putting her hand up to stop you as you go to respond, “there’s a light breakfast here if you want some, but you have plenty of time to shower and grab some food. If you don’t eat now, I’ve already scheduled some food for you at the venue that you can eat while they're doing your hair before you get your makeup done.”

You let out a sigh, thankful that she has thought ahead, you go to thank her but she starts again.

“I’ve already confirmed with four different people at the venue that your dress is there, hair and makeup has a place to set up, your room is on the other side of the building from Lewis so you won’t run into him, and all of the decorations have arrived and are being set up. The only thing you have to do today is let us take care of you, know that Miles and I have everything under control, and get married!” She finishes her spiel with a smirk, knowing that everything she just covered were concerns running through your mind, always proving even further why she was your Maid of Honor.

“Thank you, you are an absolute angel.” You say as you grab her hand.

“I do have to ask, just being nosy,” She starts, laughing gently, “was it Lewis on the phone last night?”

You feel yourself blushing unnecessarily, there being no reason to be embarrassed for talking to the man you are about to marry.

“Yeah, neither of us could sleep, just needed to talk to each other for a second.” You say sheepishly.

“And that right there is why you two are getting married today baby!” She says enthusiastically, once again much louder than you would prefer for the time of day.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” You tell her as you push yourself out of bed, feeling your stomach growl, “food will be there for me?”

She laughs at your need to double check before nodding, “Yes there will, I heard that, you need some food.”

“Leave me alone.” You grumble, laughing softly to yourself too as you stumble to the bathroom.

“You’ve got an hour, let me know if you need anything.” You hear her yell as she makes her way out of your bedroom to let you shower in peace.

It feels like you’ve entered an alternate universe once you are out of the shower. You ended up taking longer than anticipated and were being rushed to get dressed before ushered downstairs and into the back of another town car. Charlotte had a small bag packed for you and said she would take care of your luggage that was still in the room after the wedding, keeping the suite for the bridal party to stay in after the event. 

Your jaw almost dropped when the car finally pulled into the venue. You had been there before, a few times actually, over the last two summer breaks with Lewis, trying to finally decide. But now… now it was snowing, a winter wonderland surrounding the manor that had been deemed a castle by almost everyone around you and you couldn’t help but agree. A castle had been a dream of yours as a kid but never something you found realistic as an adult, safe to say realistic wasn’t in Lewis’ vocabulary when it came to your wedding. You had been watching Downton Abbey for the third time one night and made an offhand joke to Lewis about how you should get married at Highclere Castle, from then on he had made it his mission to find something that fit the bill. His first thought had been the castle itself but it hadn’t been an option, instead he found a place just outside of London that you had never heard of, something your wedding planner had never even seen, it was perfect. It was large and regal but still fit with both of your styles, allowing it to be decorated with a fine line of modernity and tradition. 

When you pulled up to the front door it looked as though you had stepped into a movie, the snow painting the perfect backdrop despite your hesitance. You hadn’t been sure about a winter wedding but Lewis was impatient and winter was his favorite season. He had done so much of what you had dreamed of that you couldn’t help but agree, knowing it didn’t matter when or where you got married, as long as it ended with him.

Charlotte was quickly ushering you and your mother inside and out of the cold. The entrance was bustling with people moving flower arrangements, chairs, tables, everything you had asked for being set up right in front of your eyes. Charlotte was pulling you down the hallway to your left before you had a chance to even take it all in.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m rushing around but you can relax the second we get you into the bridal suite. I promise.” She was apologizing from in front of you while you tried to keep up with her brisk pace, your mom close behind you.

“Are we late?” You couldn’t help but ask, feeling nervous all over again.

“No , we’re perfectly on time, but the damn men are early and I will be damned if Lewis wins and sees you before you’re at the altar.” Her voice is serious and you can’t help but laugh out loud. It truly isn’t that big of a deal to you but the moment you mentioned it being part of the plan Charlotte and Miles made it their top priority for the day of the wedding.

“It’s really not that big of a deal.” You continue to laugh at Charlotte as she slows down once you’ve reached the doors of the suite. Secretly you wouldn’t mind a quick hello, or even just a glimpse at his beautiful face, but she was determined.

“It’s part of the plan therefore we will be sticking to it, everything will be exactly how you want it today.” Her voice is stern before she opens the door to the suite and welcomes you in.

You’re immediately welcomed by the crew you had hired to take care of everyones hair and makeup. You had spent a while choosing the perfect team and had been in touch with them frequently over the last few months and the familiar faces made you excited. Charlotte tells you to take a seat on the plush couch off to the side and makes her way over to talk with the crew, making sure everything is taken care of for you. Your mom comes to join you on the couch, mimosas in hand with a shocked look on her face, acting as if she doesn’t know where they came from. You giggle as you happily take one from her hand while someone sets food on the small table in front of you, immediately reminding you of how hungry you were back at the hotel.

“You should have something to eat, even if it’s just a nibble. You have some time before you need to start getting ready.” Your mom tells you softly, gesturing towards the spread sitting in front of you.

You nod, leaning forward to grab a pastry as you watch Charlotte in amusement, animated as ever while she gets everyone and everything organized. You take a moment to sit in silence, well as silent as it can be with people bustling about, letting yourself take it all in. You continue to eat as much as you feel you can keep down before someone is suggesting you get in your robe. When you come back from the changing room there are many more people in the room, everyone finally arrived and ready to get ready. You had decided to keep the wedding parties small on both sides. You had Charlotte as your maid of honor, your cousin who had become a sister to you over the years, and your childhood best friend. Miles was Lewis’ best man, Nicolas, and Daniel. Your mom was getting ready with you as well as Linda, Carmen and Lewis’ sisters.

As you sat in the chair watching your hair transform, joking and laughing with your stylist Javier, you took in the sight around you through the mirror. Both families and friends blending into one big happy group, laughing together and sharing mimosas. You were thrilled at the thought of everyone becoming one large family, beyond excited for the next chapter of your life.

“Ladies! I need to say something before everyone starts with their makeup,” Charlottes voice commanded the room getting everyone's attention, “thank you! Okay, I just need to start by saying Y/N, I love you so much and I am so beyond thrilled that you are marrying my second best friend,” she sends you a wink as you both laugh with Lewis not even in the room to defend his decade long friendship, “he is like a brother to me and you very quickly became my little sister. That being said, I want to stress to every one that today is supposed to be perfect and WE are going to make sure it is,” her words are firm as she gestures around the room to your bridesmaids, “these two mean the absolute world to me and after everything it took to get them to this point I will not settle for ‘okay’, we’re looking for perfection.”

“Char, it’s-” You try to stop her, feeling like she’s making far too big a deal out of your day.

“Nope, Y/N, let me say this, you deserve it.” She shushes you before continuing, “I want everyone to have an absolute blast but most importantly I NEED Y/N and Lewis to have the best day of their lives. Annoying guest? Figure it out. Issue with the rings? Find me or Miles. Trouble with your dress? Suck it up, today isn’t about us.” Her voice is that of a strict teacher as she lectures your family and friends and you can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh before the comment about the rings latches on to your brain, “Y/N, babe, I love you so much and I am so happy for you. You are marrying the best human I know, well second to you of course, and I cannot wait to see the life that you two create together, I know it will be magical. Cheers everybody!”

You barely even register the sweet words she directs at you as she finishes her speech, your body working on auto pilot to raise you mimosa for her toast. The moment she sees the look on your face she’s rushing over to you.

“Hon, what’s wrong? You look worried.”

“What’s wrong with the rings? They’re here, right? They look correct? Nothing’s broken? You said there’s a problem with the rings, what's the problem?” You rush out your new concerns, not taking a moment to think once she’s in front of you.

“What? No, no, everything’s fine. Why would there be a problem with the rings?” She asks you confused for a moment before the realization dawns on her face, “Oh sweetie that was just an example, everything is totally fine. It’s exactly like we talked about, I have your band and Miles has Lewis’, I even texted him when we got here to make sure he had it. Do you want to see yours? I have it in my bag, I can go grab it.” Her words of reassurance are rushed as she tries to calm the new anxiety fluttering through your mind.

“No, oh my god, sorry, I just…” You shake your head, wanting to laugh at yourself for becoming so panicked so quickly, “I think my brain just blacked out after I heard ‘issue with the rings’, I don’t know why I let that freak me out so much.”

“It’s okay, you have a lot going on and this is a big deal, don’t worry about it, it’s what I’m here for.” Charlotte calms you, rubbing your forearm as she squats in front of your chair.

“Alright beautiful bride! Ready to make that gorgeous face even better?” Javier’s voice comes excitedly from behind you, rubbing your shoulders as he tries to coax you to turn around so he can start on your makeup.

You take a deep breath, the reality of the day settling into the pit of your stomach, before turning around, ready to be transformed. You’ve had him do this look on you numerous times, wanting to make sure it was exactly what you wanted and you trust his skills, but still the underlying anxiety refuses to leave you. You had opted for a more natural look, similar to what you would do on the day to day but elevated, you wanted to look like yourself, like the you that Lewis fell in love with. As you sat in the chair being pampered, listening to people bustle around behind you, a billion new scary thoughts and anxieties swarmed through your head.

You know you’re making the right choice, there is no one in the universe better made for you than Lewis and no one who you could love or love you more than him. You know everything is taken care of and planned to your liking, but you didn’t place each flower or taste every dish prepared today. You know all of the most important people in your life RSVP’d yes, but you haven’t laid eyes on them today, you don’t know if they’ve arrived on time. Every single detail that has been a stress in the back of your mind for the last year has now become the only thing you can think about. You’re trying so hard to let them slip to the background, to stay in the moment, enjoy the laughter of your bridal party and the random chatter from Javier, but it doesn’t work.

Your mom is the first to notice, seeing you with a furrowed brow and your eyes shut tight as Javier steps away to grab something.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” She asks quietly, her hand resting on your shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

The sound of her voice almost brings you to tears and you can’t quite explain why. You look at her through the mirror, noticing the deep concern on her face.

“Everyone wants it to be so perfect, what if it isn’t? I asked everyone to travel so far and what if it lets them down. The Hamilton wedding is supposed to be THE event, what if it’s not right or something goes wrong or it isn’t what people were expecting?” You ramble so quietly you’re worried she won’t be able to hear you.

“Oh, my sweet girl,” She says through a pout, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and meeting you cheek to cheek, “not an ounce of what you just said matters, I know you’re nervous but don’t stress yourself. Today is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, not because of how fancy it is or what caterer you hired, but because you are marrying a man that will love you, protect you, and take care of you for the rest of your life. I know that it feels like it’s all about the party and the flair, but today you are taking a step for you and Lewis and that is all that matters, you are building your life with an amazing man who would move mountains for you and that is all that matters. All you have to worry about is making it to the end of the aisle, saying I Do, and kissing your husband. We’re all just lucky that we get to witness it.”

“Fuck,” you breathe out with a dry laugh, “you’re right. It’s just so much.”

“Just keep reminding yourself that that beautiful man is going to be legally yours till death do you part.” She laughs before kissing your cheek, lightening your mood as you picture his perfect face. While her words do ease your nerves a new very important thought pops into your head, a new non-negotiable.

“Charlotte.” You call out urgently, aware of your time crunch.

“I’m here, what do you need?” She asks quickly, rushing to your side like a lady in wait.

“Lewis,” You start, watching as her eyebrows shoot up in a disapproving look, “no I know, I won’t look at him or let him look at me, I just need to squeeze his hand and hear his voice, I promise.”

She still doesn’t look quite convinced as you plead with her, “Y/N, no seeing Lewis was a very hard rule from day one of wedding planning. Are you sure?”

“Char, please, figure out a way so I don’t see him, we’ll stick to the rules but he’s been there to calm me down and make sure I’m okay for every major thing in my life for a more than half a decade and I don’t know about you but I’d say this is a pretty major thing! It won’t be any worse than me talking to him last night, I swear.” You plead with her, grabbing her hands, suddenly very set on needing to at least speak to Lewis before walking down the aisle.

“Okay, okay, yes, I will make it happen, but before you get into your dress, just in case, gimme a sec.” She agrees as her face softens, seeing your desperation, realizing that she too would need Lewis for a moment before something this big. He may be your lover, your fiance, the man you are about to spend the rest of your life with, but at the core he is your best friend, the man that has been there for you since you showed up at game night years ago, your other half.

Charlotte quickly leaves the room after squeezing your hand and telling Javier he can start working again. You assume she’s headed to find Miles, or she’s gone straight to Lewis. You start to get anxious yet again that you may be causing Lewis anxiety, you should have told her to tell him that you’re fine and just being selfish, remembering the moment of fear you had last night when he had called you.

You’re not sure how long it takes her but once your makeup is finished she has returned and is requesting for you to follow her. You feel silly walking out of the suite with pinned hair and your robe on but all you can think about is talking to Lewis, eager to hear his voice as if you’ve just started dating. Charlotte ushers you down a hallway to an empty room with a door on the other side. You’re far enough away from everyone that the noise has quieted and you can subsequently feel your brain calming down, realizing just how overstimulated you’ve been for the last few hours. Charlotte guides you to the far wall of the room, next to the door frame, turning you to back up against it before gently knocking on the door. It takes only a second for the door to open, Miles’ smiling face appearing next to you.

“Well hello beauty, you look fucking incredible.” He says before leaning in to kiss your cheek.

“It’s not fair that I don’t get to see her.” You hear your fiance whine from the other side of the wall, making you giggle and your cheeks warm.

“All in due time brother, you’re the lucky one though, you get to see her at the altar.” Miles says teasingly, leaning back through the door to look at Lewis before coming back to you, “So I have your fiance here as requested. Char and I will give you guys some privacy.”

“Thank you Miles, I’m sorry if this is a pain, I just needed a minute.” You tell him, reaching out to squeeze his arm.

Before he can respond, Miles is bursting out into a laugh, “Love, this was a help on my end, mans has been so annoyed that he hasn’t been allowed to see you all day, he hasn’t shut up about you once. Enjoy, you evidently both need it.” He says as his laughter begins to die down, sending a disapproving look into the room behind you where you assume Lewis is giving him the same back. “You guys have five minutes, and absolutely no peeking.”

“We won’t.” You and Lewis both promise in unison, making both of you giggle as Charlotte and Miles walk away to another room to give you your privacy.

“I mean it!” Miles turns around to yell, still walking backwards as he points his finger at you, “ I will know just by the look on bruvs face if he caught a glimpse of you, don’t you dare.”

“We’ll be good, I promise. Thank you guys!” You yell back at him as they disappear through a nearby door.

“Hey you.” You hear Lewis’ soft voice after a moment, your heart swelling just upon hearing the recognizable timbre.

“Hi.” You squeak, forgetting everything you had wanted to say when you asked Charlotte to make this happen.

“Are you okay?” He asks you, his voice filled with concern and care.

“Yes, oh my god yes,” You start, your anxiety of concerning him coming back tenfold, “I’m so sorry, I just, I don’t know, I was getting really anxious and then I realized that I haven’t had a big moment in life without you either being right there or calling me for like more than five years and then I got worried that I wouldn’t make it through something like this without talking to you first, which is silly because I know I’m literally preparing myself to marry you, like I’m going to see you at the altar in like an hour but I don’t know, my mom said all this stuff about how amazing you are trying to calm my nerves and then I realized I absolutely had to at least talk to you and I’m sorry if you were busy, I’m not trying to be needy, you just calm me and this day is so much and there's so much going on and it has to be perfect and-” Your words are rushed, not thinking them through as you ramble to him, not stopping to even take a breath.

“Y/N,” Lewis cuts you off, his voice firm but gentle, “it’s okay, please take a breath.”

You drop your head, almost embarrassed by how calm he sounds with the emotions swirling around in your head at the moment. You listen to his request and take a deep breath, trying to calm your breathing and your mind.

“Good, now another.” He instructs you calmly as you feel his hand sneak around the door frame and brush your hip.

The moment you see his skin you reach down and grasp his hand firmly, needing him to ground you as you take yet another deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper as you squeeze his hand, trying to breathe like he wants you to.

“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for,” He starts softly, squeezing your hand just as firmly, “I know this whole thing is a lot and there’s so much going on, but none of that is important. I don’t give a fuck how anything goes as long as I get to end the night married to you, that’s all that matters today,” His voice is soft as he assures you, washing over you like a warm blanket before it turns cheeky as he adds, “well I also want to see you in that dress and obviously whatever you have underneath it.”

You want to laugh and cry at the same time, amused by how easily a stupid (yet serious) comment could lift your spirits, simply because it came from him. Amazed that the same sentiment that has been spoken to you by everyone around you with no avail, could take a burden off your chest simply because they came from his mouth.

“I love you so much Lew.” You reply, squeezing his hand so hard you’re worried you’ll hurt him, trying to fight back tears as you do.

“I love you so much my sweet girl and I will tell you just how much when you meet me at the altar. You’ve changed my life, you’ve made me a better man, a better human, you’ve made me happier than I knew was even possible and I want nothing more than to marry you today. I don’t care how that happens, if you want to run away right now and head to vegas we can, at the end of the day I just want you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and nothing matters besides us. This whole castle could burn down right now and as long as I still had you I truly would not care. I love you so much and today is going to be incredible no matter what happens, but I bet you nothing will go wrong because we planned it and we’re pretty amazing.” He sealed his words with a kiss to the back of your hand, chuckling as he finished. His lips on your skin gave you a whole new sense of confidence and ignited a fire in the pit of your stomach.

You wished so badly that you could see him, that you could properly kiss him, but you reminded yourself that you were close to the finish line, that he would be all yours soon.

“I love you too, so so much, thank you for this, I’m sorry if I interrupted, I just needed to hear your voice and be close to you.” You admit to him with a sigh as you lean back against the wall.

“You’re never an interruption, whenever you need me I’m here, always. Besides, Miles wasn’t lying, I’ve been going crazy since we left the rehearsal dinner wanting to see you, touch you, kiss you, talk to you, literally anything. I know we’ve gone weeks apart from each other but everything feels different right now.” He tells you, making you smile, that you're not completely alone in your desperation. You take a moment, leaning against the wall in silence as you hold his hand, letting your nerves wash away.

“Alright, love birds! Time to go get fancy and hit the altar!” Miles’ voice cuts through your moment as he hollers and claps, returning to the room.

You let out a sigh, wishing your moment with Lewis could continue but reluctantly begin to move away from the wall. Before you can get too far, he is gripping your hand and pulling you back to place a kiss on your hand before leaving a lingering kiss on your pulse point.

“I love you Y/N, just come meet me at the altar. Nothing else matters.” His words are muttered into the skin of your wrist before he finally lets you go and Charlotte is ushering you away back to your suite as Miles stands guard making sure Lewis doesn’t cheat and sneak a peek at you.

“Feeling better?” Char asks as you make your way down the hall.

“So much better, I feel perfect.” You say through a smile, meaning it wholeheartedly, “ I’M GETTING MARRIED!”

[thefandomdirtymind]

Casual

18 +

OPLA - Vinsmoke Sanji

Part 2

Sanji series : SFW Shiny Offering NSFW The Small Favor - SFW The Mermaid Dream - SFW The Magic of a Kiss

A/N IMPORTANT: I didn't know exactly why but I wanted to write that fun and casual conversation between Sanji and reader remembering their sexy time. But I had to put a little bit of difficulties in it and I hope you will like it. I think to do a second part but I'm not sure yet...

Warning : Mention of a lot of sexual stuff : Oral Man ! and Female ! giving receiving, small bondage, penetration, bruises.

* English is not my first language, I tried really hard to correct myself but, I hope you will excuse me if some mistakes are still there.  

---

The golden light of the sunrise was reflecting in the calm water when Sanji put his feet in the restaurant. Redressing his freshly knotted tie, entering the kitchen like if he wasn’t fifteen minutes late, he suddenly stops on his track. At the instant he saw you, he knew he was screwed. 

Not that you looked at him directly, way too busy with the prep for the approaching brunch, neither that you seem mad ,even if your chopped carrots should've been smaller. In fact, he clearly recalled that when he had left your bed this morning, kissing your lips one last time, your naked form reaching for his warmth. You looked quite satisfied and relaxed. 

It was not either a sudden burst of love who struck him, even if he always had affection for you, that night was from the start nothing but casual sex. 

No, the reason he knew he was himself in deep shit wasn’t either because as he watched you, he could remember every inch of your skin he had feverishly kissed and bite. The problem is if Zeff discovers it. After all, even being his sous chef and prodigy couldn’t help him with the fact that he had fucked all night long his mentor daughter. 

" Don’t stay there like if the kitchen was on fire, little eggplant, put on your uniform and start helping " The man himself ordered, busy in his own corner.

Turning your gaze of your carrot to observe Sanji, you smiled. 

" Good morning Sanji " You said, your tone letting know nothing of your previous meeting in the dark. 

" Good Morning Y/N " He replied, as he put on his white jacket, a thin smile you didn’t quite know, of his lips.

" Did you sleep well, you seem a little bit…tired" You sweetly replied, returning to your carrots. 

" Yeah I had a short night…" He confessed, watching you, a warning in his eyes. 

" If you would stick to the menu, you wouldn’t be up all night thinking about some recipe I won’t allow in the restaurant and sleep like everybody else. " Zeff declared, lifting the heavy potato sack. 

" If we didn’t serve the same stuff everyday that restaurant would be less shitty " The blond retorted, starting to peel the vegetables, his anxiety slowly melting as he returned to his usual fight with the old man.  

— 

It seemed an eternity before you could remove your cooking clothes. Due to the celebration yesterday, many cooks were sick, making your father and the other employers double their shift. Like if you needed it, with the little sleep Sanji and you had. But, as you return to the empty kitchen, already dreaming of the softness of your bed, you notice the blond chef still busy chopping mushrooms.

" What are you doing ? " You couldn’t help yourself to ask, curious as to why he hadn’t headed to his bed for a well deserved night of sleep. " You should go to bed I’m pretty sure those mushroom will still be there tomorrow "

" Well, I kind of have a hard time trying to get out of my head the idea of your dad discovering what I have done to you" He replied unamused, stress and guilt clearly eating him from the inside. " You see I have a sentimental attache to most of my limbs and other parts" 

" Sanji, I would never tell him, we have been super discret and if I recall it clearly you aren’t alone in this. I had pretty vivid memories of sucking your dick until you begged me in french to stop " You teased, sitting on the counter. 

" Like if you hadn't melted at the minute I put my mouth on you" He mocked, this time his tone almost like his usual confident self. As he abandoned his task to face you. " And I really had to remind you that cute gasp you did when I push my finger on that sweet spot you never reach yourself " 

" It’s true it was a great discover, that you proudly celebrate " You conceded showing the hickeys on your clavicle "Maybe you didn’t gasped, but, I heard you a lot moaning and groaning, particularly when I was on top" 

" I have no excuse, your vision was magnificent and the feeling was incredible ." He replied " But I still regret the death of my tie " 

" It was for a great cause, that orgasm was one of the best I had. It’s a good thing your hand had muffled my scream because I was pretty sure I would have awake all the ship" You laugh, gladly remembering being hang by the hand to the wooden bedpost as Sanji was supported your leg around his hips thrusting in you as his life depended of it. Lucky for both of you, your bedroom was at the far end of the bedrooms corridor with no express neighbor.“ I will buy you a new one since I broke it. Even if it’s, you, who had bring it in bed "

" No need, I have many that look similar. Nobody will notice. But I will have to be careful to not be seen topless for a while. I'm glad your nails are short for cooking, my back looks like I had a fight with a cat over a fish. "

" It’s your fault, my leg was already shaking and you didn’t stop, I was on the edge of passing out ! "You protest laughing. " You deserve the scratch for making me lose my mind." 

" It’s an honor I accept gladly “ He proudly said, joining you in your laugh. " I admit that my own orgasm was way better than usual, I remember you moaning quietly in my ear even if I’m not quite sure what you said." 

" Sanji, at this point I’m pretty sure I could’ve whispered to you the recipe of an Apple Pie and you would have come. You were so close, trying to keep your control, I still have a faint bruise of your hand on my hip." 

" Isn't it when I eat you out during round two that I left that mark ? I had to keep you in place pretty hard, you were rolling your hips and didn’t want to stop moving "He recalls, a huge grin now on his face. " I still can heard you - Please Sanji don’t stop, don’t stop " 

"Ha ha ha " You rolled your eyes, still smiling at the memories." Sanji, I think we both really need to sleep, but I had to know...are we okay ? I will not talk to my dad about it, you will not too and we will live with that happy memories without a problem. We are just two friend and coworker who’s during the anniversary of their restaurant decide to casually fucked. Right ? " 

" Yes, exactly," He confirmed, cleaning his area. 

" Perfect, good night Sanji " You said, kissing his cheeks before jumping off the counter and exiting the kitchen. 

" Good night Y/N " The blond replied, watching you go.

Now he knew  he was totally screwed. Even though he hadn't truly lied, he was now reassured that your father will never know. He knew that he wasn’t clearly okay with this casual arrangement anymore. He knew at first that it wasn’t the idea of the century but after that night and the sweet way you look at him, always caring for him when nobody seem to, he couldn’t hide the issue anymore, he was slowly falling for you and he already know it, it's will hurt like hell.  

---

Part two ?

[holylulusworld]

Breathless

Summary: Dream a little dream…or shit…

Summary: CEO!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Trope: Secret crush

Warnings: angst, language, Bucky being an awful boss (mentioned), enemies to lovers, tension, daydreams, secret crush, fear of flying (implied)

Words: 1440+  

Square filled for @buckybarnesbingo: C5: Remote control 

Square filled for @sebastianstanbingo: Square 10: Sexual frustration

Square filled for @allcapsbingo: G 4: “There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

Square filled for @marvelfluffbingo (expired): Square 19: office au

Part 1

Kinktober vs Flufftober 2023

“Miss Y/N to my office,” Bucky barks. “I think we should talk about a few things…” 

“What can I do for you, Mr. Barnes?” You are still a little shaken from the naughty dream you woke from moments ago and struggle to look him in the eyes. You only pray you didn’t talk in your sleep.

“I need you to come with me,” he casually says. “Tomorrow. On a business trip.”

“Tomorrow?” You splutter. “But…I didn’t pack, and I don’t know where we are going. Why do you tell me about this so late?”

“It’s a case of emergency. Stark wants to do business with one of my business associates. I need you there to distract him so I can make the deal with Barton.”

“You want me to distract Tony Stark? How? Do you want me to give him a lap dance or more?” while you cross your arms over your chest, and glare at your boss, the man himself still looks proud of his idea.

“Ms. Y/L/N, you’re not too bad to look at and you are good at making conversation. I want you to go home, pack a few things, and meet me at the airport at 7 o'clock sharp,” he demands. “Don’t run late.”

“I never ran late in all the years I’m working for you. But… tomorrow is my day off! I had had plans, and you just tell me I must go on a business trip.”

“You can take a day off after any other day, Ms. Y/L/N. I need you and I won’t ask again.”

You huff. He didn’t ask but demanded your obedience. Mr. Barnes doesn’t understand your irritation or that you’re angry at him. In his opinion, he gives you the perfect opportunity to prove your worth as his assistant.

“7 o'clock sharp, no discussion,” he snaps at you. “You are my assistant and will do as told. I need you at the airport tomorrow morning.”

It’s situations like this leaving you helpless and struggling. You should tell him, no, and to fuck off. But this would mean losing your job. Mr. Barnes is not being reasonable, and he knows it.

You’re fuming but can’t do shit about it. So, once again, you give in to someone else’s demands and swallow the words you’ve got on the tip of your tongue.

“Fine.” You turn around to storm out of Mr. Barnes’ office. If you stay for longer, you’ll slap the smug grin off his handsome face.

Morning came much too soon. You’re in the worst mood ever, and tired as fuck. On top of all, you dreamed of the smug fucker named James Buchanan Barnes again.

This time, he fucked you on top of the printer and plastered the copies of your ass all over the office. He was into degrading you in your dreams and it made you horny as hell. Sadly, you didn't have the time to take care of the problem. Now you are tired, cranky, and frustrated because you didn't get off.

“You made it in time, a progress,” Mr. Barnes dares to say. In the four years you’re working for him, you only once didn’t make it in time. 

“I’m always on time.” Your boss ignores you sassed back. “So, where are we going? I still need to get my ticket.”

“What are you wearing?” Mr. Barnes shoves his sunglasses down his nose, looking you up and down. He almost looks offended by your styling. “Are you wearing sweatpants and a Hello Kitty t-shirt? Where are your shoes?”

“It’s casual Friday, Mr. Barnes,” you feign ignorance. “I didn’t know we’ve got a dress code for a flight. I don’t think people in economy class will judge my choice of clothing. I want to be at least comfortable if I’m stuck in an airplane with two people for hours. And I got shoes on. Flip-lops.”

“Economy class?” He takes his sunglasses off. “I hate to disappoint you, by you are going to enjoy only my presence. I already got your ticket.” Mr. Barnes smirks. “I wonder if people in the first class will like your outfit.”

“Stop fidgeting,” Mr. Barnes mutters. You’re always nervous before take-off and can't sit still. You are gripping your remote control tightly with your right hand and press it to your chest. “Why in the world did you bring a remote control?”

He watches you stare down at your feet. “It calms me. When I got scared at night, I grabbed something to hold tight onto. If it happens now, I use the remote control from the TV in my bedroom.”

“Hmm…interesting,” oddly, his features soften, and he grabs your left hand. “If you are scared, squeeze my hand. It’s better than the remote control.”

“I didn’t know you can be nice too.” You glance at your boss. “Thank you.”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” he replies sharply as if you offended him with your words. “In my world, you must be hard and strict. I can’t attend a business trip in flip-flops and a Hello Kitty shirt.”

You feel insecure out of a sudden. At the airport, you felt self-confident, but now, you feel like a fool. “I wanted to be comfortable. I didn’t know I’d end up in the first class.”

Mr. Barnes doesn’t reply. He waits for the take-off and thinks of the deal he wants to seal with Barton. “You should try to get some sleep after the take-off and redress at the hotel. We don’t have much time until the first meeting.”

“Okay,” you focus on breathing, and the warm hand holding yours. Your boss can be an ass, but right now he grounds you and helps you not to be scared anymore.

“Mr. Barton,” you politely shake Clint Barton’s hand. He smiles in return and asks you about your flight. “A pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” he holds your hand a little too long for Mr. Barnes’ liking. Your boss sneers, and he squares his jaw when you giggle at something Clint said.  

“Clint, we should get going. I have a few more meetings this afternoon. Can we talk about the deal now, or not?” You quirk a brow at your boss. 

“Shall we, Ms. Y/L/N,” Clint smirks at your boss. “We don’t want Bucky to get impatient, right?”

“Right,” you nod. “We should talk about the deal and the upcoming contract. I checked on the numbers, and you’ll see that Barnes Inc. is the perfect partner.”

Mr. Barnes dips his head to look at you. He looks impressed and nods his head in approval. 

“Well said, Ms. Y/L/N.”

The meeting dragged on. Your boss and Clint talked about every single detail while you tried to keep up with them and take notes. Or at least look interested when they started talking about cars, and investments.

While they sealed the deal of the century, their words not yours, you wondered why Tony Stark didn’t show.

Now that you think about it, neither your boss nor Mr. Barton mentioned Tony Stark.  

“Perfect,” your boss exclaims. He and Mr. Barton shake hands, as you are still thinking about the things Mr. Barnes told you. “Ms. Y/L/N, are you ready to leave?”

“Yes.”

“We earned dinner, didn’t we?” Mr. Barnes asks, taking you by surprise. He furrows his brows as you don’t answer immediately. “Italian, Indian, or Asian. What do you want to eat?”

“Okay,” your heart flutters when he holds out his hand to take the iPad and folder out of your hands. “I don’t know. Surprise me.”

He grins. “Remember, you asked for this…”

“A hot dog,” you giggle. “I thought you wanted to dine tonight, boss.” You don’t mind your boss’s choice. You love a good hotdog.

“Y/N, that’s the best hotdog in the world. And for tonight, call me Bucky. We are officially off duty and got the deal done,” he grins before taking a huge bite of the hotdog. He smears mustard all over his face, but Bucky doesn’t seem to mind.

“You’ve got something…wait,” you use the napkin to clean his face, making things worse as you smear the mustard all over his cheek. “Sorry…let me get a tissue.”

“Not bad, but there are better ways to clean my lips…” Your heart beats out of your chest when he lowers himself to whisper in your ear. “You didn’t think I brought you here to flirt with Stark, right?”

“What? I-“You pinch your arm to check if you are dreaming again. “What?”

“Doll, I think we should talk about a few things after we finished the hot dog…”

Part 3

Tags in reblog.

[goldielia]

september

a part of: untouchable au

september 3rd: silverstone

to jack:

i miss your lake house

one work weekend back and i need a break again

from jack:

literally same

my trainers are kicking my ass

to jack:

oh i hope they are

i bought that fucking nhl.tv thing so i can watch you play

you better give me something worth my money

from jack:

wait did you really

to jack:

yup

from jack:

guess i have to really give it my all this season

promise i won’t disappoint you

to jack:

don’t think you will

i don’t know shit about hockey but i hope they’ll show you often

from jack:

is this a cue for me to do lots of weird shit so i’ll be on camera?

to jack:

i mean i won’t say no to seeing you fight

that would put you on broadcast for sure right?

but like i’ll watch anyways

i’ll just not understand anything

from jack:

i’ll teach you

i can’t promise you a fight tho

to jack:

well that’s too bad

you’d probably look really hot

i kinda have to go now

i’ll be dead tired tomorrow

from jack:

you should stay up

i wanna keep flirting with you

to jack:

i guess i’ll have to get used to it anyway

your games start at 12am uk time

i’ll never sleep another full night ever

september 17th: singapore

from jack:

hey

question

what made you want to be an engineer

to jack:

my dad is one

he had a really really pretty mustang

the one that’s my phone background, remember?

from jack:

oh yeah

it is a pretty car

to jack:

yeah so he showed me how to treat and fix that car

for like as long as i’ve been alive basically

and then he gave it to me for my birthday when i turned 18

from jack:

no way

that’s sick

to jack:

and he took me to the australian gp like so many times

i can’t remember a year when we didn’t go

so those two things kinda came together

from jack:

that’s so much cooler than me

i just grew up with hockey

like mom, dad, q and luke

we’re all just hockey

to jack:

okay but you’re all so close

my mom works such weird hours that sometimes i can’t talk to her for weeks

and i spent so much time with my dad as a kid

i hate that australia is so far

from jack:

if it helps, i get homesick when i’m in new jersey too

that’s like so close to detroit in comparison

to jack:

i don’t get homesick, really

i just get guilty

‘cause like i’m away all the time and i didn’t spend much time with her when i was there either

is it selfish to chase a dream when it leads you to the other side of the world?

from jack:

spotify.com/artist/noahkahan/youregonnagofar

to jack:

<3

thank you

miss you

september 24th: japan

to jack:

hey jack

i have a thing to tell you

actually it’s kinda a question

text me when ur up please

from jack:

i’m up

what is it

to jack:

so i have maybe possibly a cool idea

from jack:

spill

to jack:

we race in austin on october 22nd

and i have an off week before that

soooo theoretically i could have a layover in new jersey

yk just how airlines work

from jack:

i don’t think i’m following

to jack:

so if that layover was, say, more than a week

from october 9th to october 18th-ish

would you know someone in jersey to have a couch or a side of their bed to spare?

from jack:

oh

yeah for sure

we only have home games

wait

you can come to those

you can wear my jersey

i’ll sign it

you can sit with the wags

or we can get you other seats if you want

to jack:

i will come to all the games during that time yes

i will also wear your jersey

but only if i can stay at yours

from jack:

of course

if you’re in new york you’re not staying anywhere else

even if we were on a roadie i’d let you stay

to jack:

that’s cute

okay so i’m booking the flights yes?

from jack:

please

to jack:

can i send u my flight info so u can pick me up or should i uber?

from jack: hell no

you’re not ubering

if i can’t come i’ll send luke

september 28th: devils at rangers

to jack:

as an australian

i speak cricket and football and motorsport

but i don’t get a single thing about hockey

they say your name weirdly often

oh you look good in red and white

what in hell is icing

oh hey a goal

i wish i could tell if that was like cool or not

wait you got an assist

good job jacky

do they work like they do in football?

offside doesn’t as i’ve noticed

i’m so confused by this

i’m also deadly tired

it’s like 4 am for me

charlotte’s awake with me tho

but it’s like only 2 in the uk

i hope she doesn’t spam you this much as well

sorry if i’m too much

i just need to do something to not fall asleep

oh hey that’s you

how can all of you skate that well?

i take it back one just fell

that’s hilarious

and exactly what i would look like trying to skate

i love that

ooh that looks fun

you could definitely do some of that roughing as well

could get you decent screentime and would be very hot

i personally think that would be a win win

anyways you won congrats you’re such a good hockey player

i have no idea what just happened

i need to go to sleep

good night <3

from jack:

i love the commentary

my phone’s burning up but idc

i’ll explain to you on facetime at some point

or when you come to jersey

we can do a video analysis like the pros

aka me

sleep well, thank you for watching <3

[dinsdjrn]

things that haven't happened yet | javier pena

javier pena x bottle girl!f!reader

summary: they kept everything professional, but some things change. [w.c 2.8k]

warnings: 18+, smut and angst, reader is an informant in danger, oral (f recieving), fingering, dirty talk, unprotected p in v, ambiguous ending ig (?) as always if i missed something lmk!

a/n: anyone else have the i can see you brain rot rn... bc i have 17 requests i could have written but this came out of me instead... please be gentle with it im... strugglin to post.

main masterlist

It was the early hours of the morning as you walked briskly through the streets after your shift. You kept your head down and all that you could hear was the soft rise and fall of your breathing. You weren’t walking fast enough to warrant heavy breathing, but you did carry information that made your chest rise and fall as if you had sprinted to the familiar apartment.

You rasped on the door three times, no answer. You knocked again, harder this time. 

It swung open and revealed a very tired Javier Peña.

“What the fu- what are you doing here?” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call, but this can’t wait,” Your eyes shifted over your shoulder. 

He studied your face for a moment before bringing you in.

“And you’re sure the information is good?” He raised an eyebrow at you.

“As good as my life, Javier.” You let out a shaky breath. 

“Shit,” He spoke to himself. 

“I was the only one in there with Diego and Felix. They don’t trust any of the other girls,” You chuckled at the irony of everything. “They think they’re all sleeping with you.” 

“And you?” He said. 

“Nobody sees me as more than the bottle girl who won’t put out. I’m the only one that knows, and I know it’s information you can use. It’ll put a target on my back, so it would be a really great time for that visa you promised me.” 

He turned rubbing his hand across his chin and made his way to the phone against the wall. You shifted uncomfortably, knowing that if the DEA didn’t protect you this information could cost you your life. You were the only girl in the private booth, there was no other fly on the wall.

Javier was quiet about his conversation, he would turn back and look at you periodically. You were hopeful, but you weren’t stupid, if they couldn’t get you out you’d have to flee. An out with the US DEA is much more likely to result in life than fleeing through the Colombian jungle. 

“Okay, gracias,” Javier hung the phone up and walked to a drawer in the kitchen. 

He handed you a passport and envelope. You flipped open and saw your face but not your name.

“How long have you had this?” You asked, taken aback. 

“Not long, but we knew you would need it sooner rather than later.” He said. 

“Okay,” you said. “I guess it’s time to disappear.”

“We can book you on a flight tomorrow night, it gives you time to say goodbye to any family.”

“It’s just me, don’t have anyone to say goodbye to,” You laughed awkwardly, 

“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching toward you. 

“I’m a fly on the wall, Agent Peña. It’s easier not to have anyone, better to go unnoticed,” 

“You haven’t gone unnoticed,” He said, stepping closer to you. The air became thick and heavy with tension. 

“I should go, I don’t mix business with pleasure,” You said, placing the envelope of cash and your new passport in your bag. 

“As far as I’m concerned, we no longer have business with one another,” he smirked. 

You bit your lip, pondering the accusation. He was right, and it wasn’t like Javier Peña was a hard sell. He was gorgeous and he knew it. 

“I should pack, if I’m to make this flight,” You said, stepping toward him this time your hand coming to rest gently on his chest.

He gently tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. The intensity of his gaze made you desperate to shy away, but he had a pull to him that made it impossible. 

“There’s a lot of things you should do,” he emphasized, “But stay, please. Just for tonight,” He spoke softly. 

His hand drifted down your neck to your collarbone where he brushed the strap of your black tank top off your shoulder. 

“Javier, I’m nobody. I-,” you paused, “I’m going to disappear.” 

“You’ve always been somebody to me, hermosa,” he kissed your shoulder where your tank top had previously rested. 

“Since the moment I met you, I knew you were more than what you gave yourself,” He spoke. 

Before you had time to respond he gently nipped at your neck eliciting a soft gasp from you. 

“Tell me stop,” He spoke seriously as he continued to leave a trail of kisses down your neck and shoulder. 

“Javier,” you hesitated, sounding more like a question than a warning. 

“If you don’t want to do this, you need to tell me to stop,” he looked at your face again trying to decipher any hint of fear or regret. 

His large hand held your jaw gently and his thumb slowly rubbed your cheek. He was comforting and reassuring. It almost felt wrong for the stone cold DEA agent, Javier Peña, to be looking at you with soft eyes and affectionate touches. 

You leaned up toward him, your lips were so close to his you could feel his breath against yours. 

“Don’t. Don’t stop,”  

And that was all he needed before his lips encapsulated yours in an all encompassing kiss. It was a kiss that spoke all the words Javi couldn’t. Passion, lust, and remorse for the situation he put you in. 

Your mouths moved against one another as if you had been starved of kisses your whole lives. Javier gently bit your bottom lip causing a soft moan to escape you. 

Your soft moan ignited something within him. He pulled away from the kiss, his hands gripping tightly at your waist and he forcefully turned your back to him. He pushed you toward the wall and you placed your hands against it. 

His hands pulled your hips into his own, grinding himself against your ass. 

“Ah, fuck,” He groaned, “Baby you are so fucking hot,” 

“Javi,” you sighed.

His hands had begun to work your tank top away from your skirt they explored under the thin material and up your back unclasping your bra. He crouched slightly gripping your hips again and kissed your back. His hands dragged your shirt up your sides once again, stopping just below your breast. You swear you heard him inhale sharply, you arched your back slightly knowing you would grind against the strained package in his jeans. 

He growled at the sensation pulling your shirt and bra over your head and throwing across the room.

He flipped you around again, pressing your back to the wall, and pushing himself against you. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck and legs around his hips. He used one hand to grip your thigh tightly holding you up. This caused your skirt to ride up your thighs and your panties to be directly against Javi’s jeans. You could feel his cock painfully hard pushing against the material and there was too much fabric between you. 

Before you had a chance to say anything Javier’s lips found yours again, this time more lustful, passionate and messy than before. Your tongue danced with his as you brought your hands to his chest to make quick work of his button up. He let go of your leg and you gently brought your feet to the floor as you pushed the cotton t-shirt off his shoulders.

You took a second to drink him in as you began to work on his belt. He was lean and tan, and looked like the devil himself with his hair tossed and chest rising and falling heavily. 

As you unbuttoned his jeans, he brought his hands to your breasts massaging your nipples into hard peaks. 

He had brought his mouth to your nipple gently swirling it around his tongue before dragging his teeth across it. You whimpered at the sensation, head falling back against the wall and hips bucking toward him. He made sure to give the same attention and care to the other nipple before slowly kissing down your belly. 

“Fuck Javi, on your knees,” you instructed breathlessly. 

He sank onto his knees, his hands gripping the backs of your thighs pushing your skirt up to reveal your soaking panties. 

“Fuck baby, so ready for me,” he inhaled before kissing the small article of clothing. 

His fingers hooked on either side of the lace waistband pulling them down your legs. Once they reached your ankles you kicked them off anxiously awaiting Javi’s mouth to find your pussy. 

He kissed up your thighs and slowly licked the space where the inside of your thigh met your hip. you raised one leg over his shoulder, spreading yourself for him. He used his tongue to lick between your folds up until he found your clit. 

Your knees were weak and he held you against the wall. Working his tongue over your sensitive bundle of nerves. You felt the pressure building in your lower abdomen and you knew you wouldn’t last long. 

Strings of moans, curses, and Javier’s name fell from your lips as you began to come undone. 

“Fuck, shi-,” you cursed as Javi’s fingers began toying with your opening. 

“So fucking wet for me baby,” He praised.

“You want my hands too, princesa?” He put his lips against you again gently sucking your clit. 

“I’m no princess, Javier,” you said as you ran your hands through his hair. 

“Hmm, you didn’t answer the question,” he pulled away from you momentarily, rubbing his hands up and down your thighs. 

“Fuck me with your fingers, Javi. And quit being such a teasing asshole,” You tugged his hair back toward you. 

“You have no idea how big an asshole I can be, princessa,” he teased, immediately pushing two fingers inside you before you could respond. 

You gasped at the sensation, he shrugged your leg off his shoulder and stood up, still pumping his fingers inside you curling them exactly where you needed to be sent into a fit of whimpers and moans. His thumb found your clit circling with just enough pressure to push you to the edge. His mouth found your neck nipping and sucking at your most sensitive spot just behind your ear. 

“Javi, babe, so close,” You panted. 

“Don’t be shy, come on my fingers. Tell me how good you feel, hermosa,” Javi spoke roughly in your ear. 

“Fuck, so fucking good Javier,” you mewled and with that your first orgasm came crashing over you. Whimpers and moans spilled from you as the waves of pleasure coursed through you. 

Javier brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked on them before bringing his thumb to your lips. 

“You are so fucking special, I wish we had done this sooner,” He sighed. 

“You should never mix business with pleasure, Agent Pena,” You spoke softly. 

“Yes, we are keeping it very fucking professional,” He spoke before kissing you again. He gripped your thigh just below your ass and you kissed him back feverishly. 

Your hands moved just below the waist band of Javi’s jeans again, this time pushing them down over his ass. He broke the kiss to push them down the rest of the way and remove them. Leaving you both in nearly nothing. 

He pulled you toward the couch guiding you between kisses. He sat down on the leather couch and you drank him in all over again. The way his legs lazily spread apart making him even broader. His arms reached for you. 

“You can have a seat if you’d like,” He said gently tugging your waist toward him. 

You pulled back slightly, “I will, but first we need to make sure you’re comfortable,” 

He hummed in response. You kneeled before him, kissing his thighs and nipping at them slightly. 

Your hands tugged at the waistband of his briefs and he lifted his hips slightly so that they would be more easily removed. His cock sprung free onto his stomach, the tip reddened and leaking precum. You knew he must’ve been painful strained in his jeans. 

You stood in front of him and hiked your skirt above your waist as you brought your thighs to either side of his hips. You slowly began to grind onto his cock nothing in the way to feel how hard he was against you. His hips bucked to meet yours. 

“Let me fuck you, I want see you bounce on my cock,” He said clearly unable to contain himself. 

“Please,” you begged. 

You slowly raised yourself again, positioning him at your entrance. You slowly brought your hips down to meet his, you both groaned at the sensation. He was big and full and began slowly rocking his hips against yours. 

His hands found their way around your back. One on your lower back to steady you, the other gripping your shoulder. you slowly began to rise and fall against him, riding him back and forth. 

“Jesus, fuck- so fucking tight,” He groaned. 

“So fucking perfect for me, princessa,” he continued. 

His hips began to thrust to meet yours as moans and the slapping of skin filled the room. You both were blissed out on the feeling of his cock ramming into your pussy, it was addicting the sounds coming from him. 

With every thrust his hips dragged across your clit, bringing you even closer to your orgasm. His mouth found your breast once again gently nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin surrounding your nipple as you bounced. 

His thrusts became more erratic as you went and you knew that neither of you were going to last much longer. 

“Javier, fuck, so close. So so good baby,” You whimpered.

“Waited so fucking long for you,” He mumbled. “Needed to see you, know you.” 

You brought your lips to his neck, changing the angle slightly. Javi was ramming into you now, both of you quickly coming undone. 

Your orgasm washed over you first as you groaned and cried Javier’s name. 

“Oh fuck gonna-“ He said pulling out of you, gripping his cock. Quickly coming on your skirt and his own hand.

His hip bucked a few more times and his face twisted and he let out a few moans. 

You collapsed onto his chest and he began gently stroking your back. You were both hot and sticky but your post orgasmic bliss took over. Neither of you made any rush to move or speak for nearly ten minutes. Your mind raced with the possibility of tomorrow 

“Thank you, Javier. Just for everything,” you whispered, tears welling in your eyes at the finality of everything. 

“Hm. Your thank you is starting to sound an awful lot like goodbye,” 

“Javi,” You whispered an edge to your tone. You pushed yourself off him. 

“I think we should clean up,” you sighed and made your way down the hall to the bathroom. 

Javier followed suit, neither of you said anything as you rinsed your legs and skirt off. You sighed frustrated as your skirt was now damp and you would have to wear it home. 

“I have something you can wear home,” he said while he washed his hands. 

“Uh Javi- it’s okay,” your words fell over one another. 

“You could also just stay here,” He said, reaching for you. 

“You and I both know that’s not going to happen,” You took his hand in yours and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. 

“We could protect you here. I won’t let them touch you, I just fuck-“ he ran a hand through his hair.

You didn’t know much about Javier but you knew he could be soft with those he cared about and he was always soft with you. You knew he could be an asshole, but he had losses not many could understand. 

“You and I both know that’s not possible,” You kissed his hand. 

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. You’ll be here bringing Colombia back to peace, and I will be another notch in your playbook,” You let go of his hand and made your way back to the living room. 

You grabbed your discarded bra and tank top slipping them back on. Javier joined you in the living room a few moments later, now clad in sweatpants and holding a pair out for you. 

“Thanks,” You smiled at him, slipping your skirt off and the soft sweats on. 

“Hey, uh- before you go,” Javi shifted slightly, clearly uncomfortable. 

You looked up at him. 

“Just, when you get somewhere safe. Find a way to let me know, ok?” He said holding out a small note card with an address scribbled on it. 

You smiled at him sighing.

“Goodbye Javi,” You kissed his cheek and brushed past him to the door. 

It hurt knowing you were leaving your home. And as the warm air of the Colombian night hit you for what may be the last time, you realized, you finally had someone to say goodbye to.

tags: @skysmiller @beskarandblasters @harriedandharassed @cupofjoel @darkroastjoel @tightjeansjavi @morning-star-joy @sinsofsummers @cavillscurls @thetriumphantpanda & will be tagging main taglist just wanna get this posted!!

[daggerspare-standingby]

The Chase - Part 2 | Hangman x Reader

Wow. The amount of love I’ve received on this fic is absolutely overwhelming and I’m so incredibly grateful. Thank you so so much!

It’s a little too soon for a complete love confession but there is a bit of fluff sprinkled throughout. The rest of it, is coming I promise!

No warnings for this one except Jake being a lovesick fool for someone who’s a little mean to him

Here is Part 2

—

There they were, the damn butterflies that were erupting in your stomach at his caring, but you were determined not to let it show. He doesn’t get to state some claim on you because he saved you from cracking your skull open. “I’ve gotten home alone plenty of times without you before, what’s so different about tonight?” He was quiet for a beat before he answered, his tone laced with sincerity “because I want to spend as much time with you as I can” you couldn’t help the scoff that escaped your lips “Hangman, that’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, and I’ve heard your pickup lines.” Continuing to walk towards your little rental on the beach, which wasn’t far from the bar making it the perfect location, “I’m starting to think you just want to know where I live, but it doesn’t mean you’re getting invited in.” You cast him a sideways glance, his hands in his pockets walking equally in stride with you, you could tell he was thinking about something very deeply, and also making a conscious effort to stay beside you.

The rest of the walk to your place was quiet, except for your footsteps, until you got to your small bungalow, you stopped at the walkway entrance and turned to face him again. You were surprised he walked the entire way without saying a word. “That must have been the longest you’ve ever gone without hearing your own voice huh?” He looked at you with a small smile forming on his lips “you can be really mean you know that.” You rolled your eyes “I’m not mean Hangman, I’m tired, and cranky and a little drunk”. You watched warily as he leaned on the fence post, his eyes not leaving yours, that smirk still on his face “can I buy you dinner some time?” You couldn’t have helped the surprise on your face if you wanted to “didn’t you just say I was mean to you? And you want to take me to dinner?” He nodded “it’s hot when you’re mean. And I want to know why you won’t call me by my name and only insist on calling me by my callsign, when it’s not the case for anyone else.” You shook your head and sighed “I’m working every night this weekend. I don’t have time to go to dinner.” He scoffed and stood up straight “you have to eat sometime, and there’s places open on weekdays too. Just give it a thought when you’re sober… I’ll see you tomorrow.” You chewed your cheek “goodnight…” as you turned to walk up the stairs to your place, you glanced back seeing him still standing at the end of your walkway. A small amused smile crept across your lips “are you gonna stand there all night?” He shook his head “nah, just til you get inside.” You nodded slowly, “goodnight…Jake.” You walked into the house before you could hear or see his reaction, of his face lighting up and the small fist pump he did as you closed the door. He was falling hard and fast for you, now all he had to get you to do was realize he wasn’t a complete asshole all the time.

Laying in bed that night was not different from any other night, except your hand still felt the weight of his where he was holding it. Sighing and rolling over onto the side you hugged your pillow, a sliver of moonlight shining through the curtains where the ocean breeze blew in from the beach, slowly you drifted off to sleep. Jake returned to the hard deck parking lot and got into his truck, thinking about the conversation he’d had with Javy while you were in the washroom.

“If you really have feelings for her, you need to stop leaving every night with those tag chasers dude.” Javy had handed in the pool cue to Bob and took up residence at a nearby high top table, his beer still in his hand. “I don’t go home with them, the most we get is a heavy makeout session outside the bar, I honestly can’t go any farther because I just see her face and hear her voice echoing in my head when I do. That’s why they all are the complete opposite of her.” Javy shook his head “listen, and listen good ‘cause I’m only going to tell you this one time. If you like her, show her that. Forget the other girls, prove to her that you’re not the guy with his name on the bathroom stall for a good time call.” Jake nodded, considering his friend's words. If anyone was to give relationship advice it was Javy. He’d been with his high school sweetheart for almost 20 years, and 5 of those have been married. Jake would love to have a relationship like that, would kill for it. But he knew that their job was dangerous, what if he never came back? It was a fear that plagued him, he knew especially after Coyote’s g-lock experience that it was a fear for his friend too. That’s why Jake never wanted to settle down, at least until he met you. He knew you were tough, you could probably handle it, him being gone for weeks at a time, though the dagger squad’s deployments were few and far between it was never entirely unavoidable. That’s why he strived to be the best of the best, but could he be the best of the best, for you?

—

Trying to figure out the tag list thing so If I miss you I’m so sorry!

@mayhemmanaged

@horseshoegirl

@dizzybee03

@kmc1989

@lynnevanss

@midnightmagpiemama

@djs8891

@blue-aconite

@rosiahills22

@hecate-steps-on-me

@cherrycola27

@roosterbruiser

@mak-32

@paigewinchester67

@potatothatcanwrite

@potato-girl99981

@theharddeck

@thedroneranger

@hangmandruigandmav

@themusingofagothicsoul

@wayward-river

@perfectprettypisces

@86laura11

@beyondthesefourwalls

Let me know your thoughts! Thank you again so so much

[zackprincebooks]

Silent Night

Happy Holidays, @adhdprincess! I'm your Secret Santa. I don't know a lot about The Last of Us, but I tried to have some found family fluff for you!

During a stop on their way to Wyoming, Joel, Tess, and Ellie find a gem on Christmas Eve.

Read here on Ao3!

Clouds hover dangerously over the highway, threatening travelers with heavy snowfall. Joel keeps his foot on the gas as they pass rusty road signs and burnt-out cars. He’s already driving late at night; he doesn’t want to drive late at night, during a snowstorm.

In the backseat, Ellie snores.

“Let me drive.”

Joel’s hands tighten on the wheel, not bothering to look over at Tess. “No.”

He can hear the frown in her voice, “you’ve been driving for six hours and it’s about to start snowing. Let me drive.”

“It’s only a few miles to the next shelter; I can handle it.” He’s lying; it’s at least another twenty before they get anywhere near relative safety. Occasionally, the radio in the cupholder crackles to life when they get within range of a transmission:

“Shit, we’re already seeing flurries over here.”

“I give it half an hour before everything’s covered.”

“Looks like we’ll have a white Christmas!”

“Is it Christmas Eve already? Damn, I hope I was good this year.”

Their laughter fades into the static as Joel, Tess, and Ellie pass out of their range. Ellie grunts and rolls over, attempting to lay down on the seat while restrained by her seatbelt.

“Let me drive,” Tess repeats, “at least long enough to let you sleep.”

“I’m not tired. I once stayed up for three nights straight. I can handle it,” Joel repeats. He’s almost grateful, in a way; Tess’s badgering forces his exhaustion to the back of his mind. “You can take the first watch when we get to the shelter, and you can drive tomorrow.”

The silence between them is tense. Joel can hear the gears in Tess’s head turning as she considers the deal. Her fingers clench and unclench around her sleeve from where her arms are folded over her chest.

“Fine. Fine. As long as you help me dig out the car tomorrow morning.”

Ellie keeps snoring as the white flakes start falling. ---------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you sure this is it?” Tess looks between Joel and the “shelter” they were assigned.

Joel checks the coordinates he was given with the coordinates on the ancient GPS. “According to the coordinates, this is the place.”

Rustling from the backseat indicates the awakening of Ellie. She finally managed to squeeze herself against the window, and a large swathe of the window is clear from where Ellie rested her cheek. “What happened?” Ellie rubs her eyes and yawns. When she spots the shelter, her eyes blink widely. “Oh.”

Calling it a “shelter” is demeaning. The mansion looms large in front of them; all brick with white columns and black shutters. It possesses a two-car garage that matches the black shutters. If the house was decorated with lights, it would look like it came out of a Christmas card. There’s even a fir tree in the middle of the yard, covered with snow.

They sit in disbelieved silence, staring at the house. The gears in Joel’s mind are whirring. There might be a snow blower in the garage so they can dig out the car tomorrow morning. Hell, if Joel and Tess can get the garage door open, they can park the car and they won’t need to dig it out at all.

“If the fireplace is operable, we can actually have a hot dinner,” Tess muses. “We could make coffee. Real coffee.”

“It better be operable, or else we’ll freeze tonight,” Joel mutters as he opens the door. “C’mon, let’s see if we can open the garage door. I’d rather not have to deal with scraping off the snow tomorrow.”

Slipping and sliding on the thin layer of snow, Tess hits the code for the garage side-door they received. It takes a few hits from her shoulder for her to finally wrench it open. Joel waits outside with Ellie until he hears Tess call out, “clear!”

Holding their flashlights aloft, they enter the garage. There’s only one car parked, leaving enough room for them to park for the night. “A Maserati,” Joel mutters, wiping off some of the dust and the rust, “wonder if the husband was going through a mid-life crisis.”

The electric opener is a dud, but the manual controls still work. With an assist from Tess, she and Joel are able to lift the garage door. “This will make unloading the car a lot easier, too,” Tess muses.

Ellie frowns. “It feels…too good to be true. What if there’s an ambush?”

“If there was an ambush, we would see their tracks in the snow,” Joel says as he gets out of the car and opens the trunk. “I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe it’s a Christmas miracle, or something.”

They close the garage and unload the trunk via flashlight; Joel holds his flashlight in his mouth as he passes a sleeping bag over to Ellie. He hears her go into the house proper and let out a loud “WHOA!”

Well, if they were going to be ambushed, now would be the time.

But no one pops out from inside cabinets or behind the fridge or down from the ceiling. Tess follows behind Ellie with a long, low whistle.

“Let me see what all the fuss—” Joel shoulders his way between them with a backpack slung over one arm. “All right, that’s pretty cool.”

An antique chandelier hangs in the foyer; as pretentious as it sounds, foyer was the right word for it. Two stairways with dark wood banisters curl their way down to the foyer, carpeted in red and gold. Their flashlights glance off of quartz countertops and stainless-steel appliances, all coated in a thick layer of dust. The food on the table is long desiccated into thick, gray mush that doesn’t come off even when Ellie holds the plate upside-down.

“Ewww,” she whines, putting the plate back down with a loud clatter. The sound echoes in the empty house.

Joel’s flashlight shines on a photo of the family that once lived here: a mother and a father, with a daughter wearing a hoodie from a college downstate and a teenage son in a soccer jersey from a local team. He grimaces and turns the flashlight away to focus on the marble fireplace in the living room, underneath the cracked flatscreen TV.

Tess is elated. “It’s big enough for us to make dinner on it, and we might be able to use any cookware they left behind. We could use our fuel cans, but a wood fire would be bigger for a fireplace of this size.”

Joel can read between the lines. “I can get some firewood chopped if you get dinner prepped.”

“You’re not going alone,” Tess counters, and Ellie raises her hand.

“Fine.” He points to Ellie. “You get the kindling, and I’ll get the logs.”

They step out into the snow, their collars turned up and wrapped with scarves. Joel finds an ax leaning up against the back of the garage with a pile of wood stacked in a metal rack. While there are a few logs already chopped, it won’t be enough to sustain them throughout the night.

The sound of an ax chunking into logs fills the cold winter air, interspersed with the sound of Ellie snapping sticks into manageable pieces. Every now and again, they each stop to lift their heads for the sound of something approaching; Ellie cocking her gun and Joel lifting the ax. He keeps eyeing the tall vinyl fence, imagining long fingers crawling over top as a clicker vaults the fence.

But nothing comes. For a moment the wind calms and they both stop, enjoying the stillness of the night. Ellie leans against the tree, her pile of kindling tied with one of her scarves. She’s not quite the same age as the boy from the photo; living a life she’ll never get to experience. Ellie won’t go to high school and play soccer, visit colleges with her parents, graduate with all her friends, and pack her ratty little car as much as it can hold before starting her life away from home.

The sound of the porch door opening startles them both as Tess pokes her head outside. “Hey, I’m almost done with dinner prep; how are we looking on wood?”

“We should have enough for tonight,” Joel says after counting, “but we might need to chop more tomorrow if we want a hot breakfast.”

“I want a hot breakfast,” Ellie and Tess say at the same time. Joel sighs, hefting the ax again. -----------------------------------------------------------------

By the time Joel and Ellie are done gathering wood, they’ve taken off their coats and slung them over the backs of chairs in the living room. Tess has thrown out the ossified plates to make room on the table to prepare dinner. If this was a real Christmas dinner, they would have roast turkey or ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, fresh rolls…

There’s canned beef stew with potatoes and carrots, canned tomatoes, and canned fruit cocktail. “I didn’t find anything in the cabinets that we could eat; everything in that pantry belongs in a museum,” Tess grumbles, “but at least there’s running water. It’s not hot water—” she clarifies when Ellie’s and Joel’s eyes light up, “—but it’s running water.”

Clean, running water. This house almost feels too good to be true. “And you cleared the rest of the house?”

“Yes; it looks like everyone left in a hurry. I found maps in an office upstairs with directions and instructions. The gun locker in the office and the safe in the bedroom are both empty. But they have some nice clothes upstairs that we can take as it gets colder. Speaking of which,” Tess starts opening the can of beef stew, “let’s get the fire started.”

Warmth and light roar to life, illuminating the living room for the first time in years. Joel and Ellie drag some of the fancy Turkish rugs over to the fireplace to use as extra padding for their sleeping bags on the marble floor, huddled around the fireplace for warmth.

Tess brings a Dutch oven with the beef stew and canned tomatoes inside; Joel stifles a laugh when he sees that she’s clutching it with Christmas oven mitts, decorated with elves and ornaments.

“Don’t you dare laugh,” she grumbles at both of them. From behind Tess, Joel sees Ellie hide a smile into her shoulder. “These were just the first that I could find.” Without a hook in the fireplace, she awkwardly puts the Dutch oven on top of the burning fire. Soon, the living room is filled with the smell of beef stew cooking, and Joel is starting to salivate.

As Joel starts pulling out their portable, metal dishware, Ellie stops him. “If they still have running water here, can’t we use their dishes? They probably have nicer dishes than we do.”

They pause as Tess and Joel look over at the display cabinet full of fine stoneware; blue with gold trim and leaf designs. “I guess there’s no harm in it,” Tess hedges, and Joel puts away their metal dishes. “Maybe it would make it feel a little more like Christmas,” she mutters as Ellie sprints to get them plates and bowls.

Sitting on their sleeping bags, hunched over bowls of stew, plates of fruit cocktail, and bottles of filtered water, Tess, Ellie, and Joel eat their Christmas dinner.

Joel has eaten this canned stew hundreds, maybe even thousands of times. It’s a standard-issue can of stew concocted to provide the maximum amount of calories required for an adult human in the apocalypse.

This is the best it has ever tasted. The beef is somehow tender and flavorful, the tomatoes burst in his mouth, and there’s something nostalgic about the carrots and potatoes. Even the protein powder dumped into the broth gives it a creamy texture. When it settles into Joel’s stomach, it warms him from within. Even Ellie and Tess are muttering their approval.

They stack their empty bowls together before moving onto the canned fruit cocktail. Tess tried to distribute the fruit and syrup equally, which meant they all wound up with a single miserable cherry on top of a pile of chopped apples, pears, and pineapple. But every bite is juicy and sweet, cut slightly by the tartness of the cherry. Joel resists the urge to lick the puddle of syrup left behind by his “dessert.”

He looks up at Ellie and Tess, who have also cleaned their plates. Ellie sadly looks at her plate, moving her fork around to catch leftover bits of apple. She passes it to Joel and he takes it to the kitchen with the rest of the dishes.

“Don’t forget about our deal,” Tess calls to Joel, “I’m taking the first watch tonight.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Joel grumbles as he washes the dishes in the sink. The ice-cold water makes him flinch, but running water is so foreign and forgotten that it’s a luxury no matter how hot or cold. Joel spends at least ten minutes washing dishes just to feel the water cascading over his hands. His fingers are numb by the time he returns to the fireplace with the dry dishes. Ellie is already curled up in her sleeping bag, watching as Tess adds another log to the fire.

When Joel crawls into his sleeping bag, it’s warm. “Merry Christmas, Tess. Merry Christmas, Ellie.”

“Merry Christmas, Joel.”

From the cocoon of her sleeping bag, he hears a muffled, “Merry Christmas.”

[sillyguycenteral]

Gibbs as your father headcanons (plus the team)

Gibbs is the only consistent parent you have in your life

Sure you have Ducky but he isn’t always around and you don’t live with him

And your mother died before you could even remember her 

All of the step moms left eventually sometimes even violently 

Gibbs isn’t perfect but he’s your dad

But once you’re old enough to start really hanging around the team it gets real fun

Abby is the coolest person you’ve ever met

She’s the sun and moon in your mind

She colors with you and makes fun of your dad! 

What more could a kid want in a person?

Kate is a close second to Abby only because you’ve known Abby longer

Kate is the one who grounds you and Abby when your at NCIS

She’s still really fun and colors with you and might even play catch with you if you play your cards right

She won’t do any of that if your dad is around though which sucks and knocks her down to third if your feeling spiteful

Tony has nothing on Abby but him and Kate are usually tied for second in your mind

When Tony joins the team your around 8 ish 

You didn’t warm up to him as fast as you did Abby

That was until he’s heater broke and he needed a place to stay after that the rest was history and he become the honorary brother to Abby's honorary sister

Whenever he has to stay with you and your dad you guys go ham

It’s board games, pizza, every kind of soda you can get your grubby hands on and if there isn’t a case you know you both are going to the movies!

Gibbs acts like he’s annoyed but he’s very glad you’re able to have a somewhat normal childhood

He’ll participate in a round of monopoly only if he can be the banker 

Though this isn’t a frequent event in the Gibbs household it is always a memorable experience

More about your relationship with Gibbs now!

Gibbs is a complex man and even more complex father

He loves you more than life itself there isn’t a doubt in his mind or anyone else's that he wouldn’t die for you

Now how he expresses that is…very much how you would expect him to

He’ll hug you if you’re the one initiating, you would have to be a near sobbing mess for him to really just come up and give you a hug 

It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want he’s just not a super touchy person

The mans just awkward and your a teenager now and he doesn’t want to embarrass you (in that way)

Speaking of embarrassing you… oh my god this old man is the literal devil

He gets such a kick out seeing you yell at him or even look slightly annoyed at him

He’s such a dad in that way (when he’s not almost crashing the car you know his ass is trying to get that dad tax)

And if you’re easily embarrassed you’ll have to grow out of that quick

Like anytime that you visit him or any of the team members at NCIS and it starts to get late lights out immediately 

 This old man is forcing you to go to bed

Not tired? 

He couldn’t give less of a shit 

Your still his kid and have school tomorrow

Is he going to drive you home? No chance, that’s a waste of gas money kid 

You’re the one who wanted to be here so suck it up, take his jacket and go to sleep

A little off topic but he is such a “it’s that damn phone” kind of dad

Like of course he is

You have cold cause it’s going around at your school

Wouldn’t have it if you weren’t always texting now would you?

What a silly man

I’ll definitely add more later but hope you enjoyed it :) Let me know if there is anything I can do to improve or anything you want to see!!

[stargirlexie]

I felt bad about not posting for so long and kinda just forgetting that tumblr existed so here’s the update!! NOT PROOFREAD SORRY

—————————————————————————————————————

Human_planet New Post: Tue. June 10. 3:36pm

I turn 18 tomorrow and I’m scared chat. Also I haven’t died but the guy hasn’t stopped screaming so I’ve come to the conclusion that a demon is now trapped in my body so that’s….cool ig. I probably won’t post for a bit bc birthday stuff but yeah Anyways I’ll keep y’all updated as usual

Human_planet New Post: Sat. June 22. 3:22 am

So I talked to him today. Or rather I guess I thought at him? I didn’t even know if it would work, could the demon trapped in my body hear my thoughts? It would make sense but nothing’s really made sense since I ate that god damn finger. I don’t even know why I ate it. I really could have gotten 50 bucks somewhere else but nooooo I just had to be silly and goofy and EAT A GOD DAMN DEMON FINGER. Holy shit why did I have to be like this? Now I have some angry man screaming at me at all times. I can’t even get away from the bastard when I sleep. NO THAT MOTHER FUCKER IS IN MY DREAMS!!!! I know I constantly post and complain about him but damn he’s annoying give me a break. So anyways yeah I talked to him. I was a tad bit high and I just wanted to chill without him screaming and so I said…or thought? Idfk I’m just going to say said because that was kinda how it went down but it was all in my head you know? So I was chilling on my bed and he just kept screaming on and on and on about how he needs to get back into his body and that he’ll kill me as soon as he as a body and that he’s the strongest and blah blah blah the usual stuff and I was tired of it! Like Jesus man I know you don’t have lungs but take a breather damn. So I talked to him. I said “hey can you like shut the fuck up? It’s really annoying that you keep screaming at me all the time” and he was surprised?? Like mf did you not know I could hear you? Were you just screaming into the void? Damn I’m not even that determined to just rant. But anyways he freaks out about how I can hear him and I freak out about how he didn’t know and we both kinda freaked out. But now he’s quiet. I think he’s pondering. I don’t know if he can hear all my thoughts but if he can I don’t think that’s very fair. Like I only hear what he’s “saying” to me not everything he thinks. But I’ll ask him about it later. It’s late and I need sleep. I’ll update you guys later! Love you guys and thanks for not saying I’m insane or smth like that. BYEEE

Human_planet new post: Mon. June 24. 4:15pm.

He started talking again. And thank god no more screaming. So last night he started talking again and we had an actual conversation and I found out a few things. One is that he has a name and it’s sukuna??? Weird name but I don’t judge. Hell I have a weird name tf kind of name is Venus? He was talking about things called curses and that he’s apparently the strongest curse ever? If you ask me the strongest curse wouldn’t be a finger but that’s just me. Oh I also found out that he can’t hear all my thoughts only the ones that are directed at him so that’s comforting I guess. That’s it so far. I know it not a big update but it’s all I have right now. I’ll keep y’all updated. BYEE

Human_planet New Post: Tue. June 25th. 6:37pm

Sukuna was NOT happy about me saying his name was weird and that he wasn’t actually the strongest curse ever so this is my apology bc he wanted me to make a written apology. I’m sorry sukuna :( you’re not weak just bc you were stuck in a finger things just happen sometimes. Also your name isn’t weird I guess.

Ok now that I have all that out of the way I can give y’all an update! Uhhh nothings really happened if I’m gonna be honest. Sukuna got mad at me bc I called him kuna so now I call him that just to piss him off, I personally think I deserve to be a little annoying after TWO WEEKS of nonstop screaming. A little nickname won’t hurt him. Uhh when he’s not screaming or threatening me he’s pretty alright I guess. I think I’m growing on him because now he gets annoyed if I don’t talk to him for too long. Though I guess if I was stuck in some kids body with no one else I’d want them to talk to me too. The annoying part is that he’s probably the most egotistical bitch I’ve ever met. He says he’s earned his ego but honestly it’s too damn big. Bro really got booty hurt because I told him that if he wanted to be all big and bad he should’ve not gotten himself stuck in a finger. That was a few hours ago and he’s still sulking. Was I really that mean? He told me he would skin me alive if he could! Ugh he pisses me off. He keeps being all cryptic about his past and idk if that makes me nervous or not. Anyways I’m hungry and he keeps grumbling about how since we have the same body he can feel it too. I’m gonna go eat dinner bye guys!

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

[addictivepsychology]

Day 121

Wow

The days are flying by

I finally have things to look forward to again

And they don’t have to do with holidays

Work really is something

The other one is the only boss here today

She’s letting the kids run around with no jackets outside

It’s 60 degrees and cloudy and wet

I asked about the big boss saying not to do that

But the other boss said the kids know their bodies

But how can a 5 year old prevent hypothermia if they don’t know what it is, just an example

No kids are getting hypothermia in California in the 60 degrees

But if we were in a colder climate,

I wonder what she would say

I’m on my way to you

And I hit something in the road

Fluid flooded out and my car started screaming

On the shoulder of the 5 freeway

Currently in the tow truck

Going backwards

Rod will pick me up and look at my car

Hopefully everything will be an easy fix

And I won’t have to rent a car just to get out there to see you

I’m so upset I can’t go to the zoo tomorrow

I just wanted my vacation

I can only wonder if the timing just made this happen

If I would’ve left earlier or later if it would’ve happened

If I would’ve been in the right lane at that exact time

Nobody else is pulled over

Maybe I pushed it out of the way

Maybe I was someone’s saving grace though

Maybe it would’ve pushed someone or pushed their car to out of commission

But I can handle this

Shit happens in life

I’m used to it

You say you would be here if you had a car instead of a bike

But I don’t think that’s a good use of your time

I can handle it

I’m just cold

And hopeful

That this fix will be easy and cheap

Cheaper than a shop at least

Thanks Rod

How can I repay you

I was only 3 hours away from you

3 short hours

In the Wendy’s parking lot waiting for rod

Debating on just getting a hotel for some sleep and checking everything in the morning, I don’t think it would make a difference at this point

The part shops won’t open until morning anyways

But I guess we will see what Rod says

He will be here in 20

I hope to be on the road by noon tomorrow

That would be ideal do I can get to my room and get to you

We have plans at 5 so I hope I’ll make that

It feels so weird sitting in a car that I can’t turn on

I’m cold

And I feel like I need everything

Even though I just ate and had a cigarette

I need a hug and a movie and my hotel room down south

I need a shower and to wash my hair

I would’ve been in bed with you by now

I was so close

I wonder why this happened,

Finally got home at 4am

In someone else’s car

Tired as hell

But I passed out and now I’m awake at 10

Ready to leave

Eager to leave

I’ll shower and get my stuff to head over

I’m hungry and need caffeine

I appreciate everyone who’s been checking on me

And who told me happy holidays

[ask-the-badman]

“Fuck I know.” I exhaled deeply, running a hand through my hair with an amused scoff. Slumping back against the couch, listening too him speak taking it in the best I could. The alcohol seeming to have wore off some due to the fact my heart tried to jump out of my chest on multiple different occasions tonight. “I’ll ask don’t worry. Least be a lil more direct instead of beating ‘round the bush. AND sober.”

I emphasized on sober. Running both hands through my hair once more, trying to look a little less insane as the realization kicks in that I shouldn’t have been such a pussy to begin with. “Aye! I already want to crawl in a hole tonight.” I whined, gently swatting at his hand when he poked my forehead. I smile softly at his offer for me to stay in his shack, but I decide it’d be best to give him some space as well.

“Thank ya. But I think I’ll stay upstairs tonight. Let ya get some uninterrupted sleep for the first time in a couple days.” I chuckled. I also needed to shower and get the remnants of blood off of me before the smell of copper seeped into my pores for good. Wincing at the thought, I shed myself of his BADMAN shirt completely. “You’ll be needin’ this. And don’t worry ‘bout me, I’ve got my barins some now. Won’t be a stumblin’ mess on my way up.”

I chuck the shirt at him with a smirk and head towards the door, glancing over my shoulder at him. “Sleep. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow when I’m not a flaming hot mess.” I mused, heaving out a heavy sigh. Waving at him before walking out into the awaiting storm.

If I wasn’t drenched before I was now, water splashing up onto my legs with each step till I made it to the porch. I shake my hair out and fling water off of my bare feet before heading inside, hoping that no one else was awake when I opened the front door. Thankfully there wasn’t and I wasted no time herded my ass towards the guest room. Preparing myself for the dreaded hangover morning held for me.

"Alright, suit yerself. I would have taken up a spot in the basement." Johnny shrugged while accepting back his too big shirt to rest across his lap. Then waved to Kat, saying, "G'night, take it easy tonight. I know that hangover is goin' to be shit when ya wake up, plenty'a experience with that."

He laughed, knowing all to well how much fun the day after usually was after drinking heavily. Though the moment they left, he heaved out a tired sigh and looked down at his blanket sized shirt. Guess I'll need to ask a favor of the magic man... He mused, lifting it up to look over and marvel at just how big he must have been to wear it.

Shaking his head, he moved to dress down to his normal nothing for the night and flopped heavily on his couch, finding it heavenly to rest on compared to sleeping on the ground for the last few days. His clothes would need a wash but that was a tomorrow problem as he dragged his shirt overtop of himself. Least it still had some use while oversized.

[diaryofmelissa]

Entry # 21, 15 June ‘23, 3.22pm

Dear diary,

Yesterday was the happiest day of my life. Happier than my wedding day or the day I met Vicky. It was the happiest because for the first time ever I felt that I was actually being useful to someone. It made me so happy that I made mommy laugh on her birthday. I was worried about her for a few weeks, I could tell that she was not herself, so I put so much pressure on myself to make sure that she had a really good birthday, and I think she did. And it was literally the happiest I’ve ever felt. I felt proud to be her slave. I felt like I finally found my place in my life, a purpose and a reason to get up in the morning.

And I woke up today feeling shit. I mean really really awful. I’m in the sub drop so bad, I’ve never had it so bad. Obviously because I’ve never had such strong feelings for a Domme before, and I’ve never felt so fulfilled as I did yesterday. Not because it was about me or because I got off on it. It was because I felt that I made a difference to mommy’s life. A positive difference, even if it was for only a few hours. But anyway, this sub drop is killing me. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t cry anymore, I feel physically exhausted and emotionally drained. It’s like falling from the top of the tallest mountain to the deepest valley in 5 seconds. It’s such a painful, quick and defeats ring fall. It really scares me because I don’t know how to pick myself up. In the past my sub drops last a few minutes, maybe a couple of hours, but this one is different. I can’t face looking at my Snapchat or Twitter. It’s too painful. I just can’t do it. I know that the only way to get out of a sub drop is by talking, communicating my feelings. But I’m so scared to do it. I hate myself so much right now. I hate myself for letting mommy down after her birthday. I hate myself for being so weak and pathetic that I don’t have the courage to talk about it. I hate myself for being such an emotional and sensitive person. I hate that my dramas are a burden on mommy . I don’t why I just can’t be normal and live my life without experiencing these strong feelings. I just want to stay in bed and cry until I go to sleep. I haven’t felt this depressed in a very long time. And it’s all because of me. It’s all my fault. It’s nothing that mommy or anyone else said or did to me. It’s just my fucking brain. And heart. I fall in love and I fall deep too quickly. And then I’m bound to get hurt. Not by anyone else, but by myself. I’m so angry with myself right now. After weeks of speaking to mommy for hours everyday and being so active on Twitter I feel like I can’t do it anymore. I won’t ghost and I won’t deactivate because I’m not an idiot. But I’m just not strong enough to face it.

I slept for almost ten hours last night. I was so tired because I stayed up the bright before to entertain mommy on birthday. Maybe I’m still tired and that’s why I feel so stressed and anxious. I don’t know. All I want to do is cry some more and fall asleep. I really hate myself and I’m really disappointed in myself for letting mommy down. I’d better stop writing because otherwise I’d write for another hour. I’m probably not making any sense anymore but I just had tinker intake out. I hate hate hate to be in this situation. And I hate the most the fact that it’s affecting mommy. Or maybe it doesn’t, I don’t know anymore. I just can’t think straight. Maybe I need to write this day off, go to bed early and hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow morning. I don’t know what to do with myself.

[neobubz]

★ unexpected development☆ (M)

Word Count: approx. 6.831k

Pairing: Jeno x Fem Reader

Warnings: mature audiences only, smut, explicit language, oral (male receiving), m/f, pwp, consensual relations

Preview: “Ahh…shit!” Jeno moans out into the night. “Fuck!” The bed jostles causing you to wake. “J-Je-Jeno?” You call out to him. ��Shit! Sorry, no I’m okay. Go back to sleep.” He wards off. “What are you doing?” You ask. Jeno’s body stiffens, his throat growing dry and cottony. “Ugh,” was all he managed to say. “Wait, are you…masturbating?” You shriek.

★- - - - - - - - - - - - ☆

“Okay, well I’m tired.” You stretch your arms and legs out a deep yawn coming from you.

“Me too. I think I’ll call it an early night,” Renjun joins you in yawning.

“You two suck!” Haechan pouts. “We’ve barely made a dent in our movie marathon.”

“Dude we’re leaving early in the morning tomorrow,” Mark chides. “We should all get to bed.”

“Jeno, Jaemin, you two gonna ditch too?” Haechan’s pout ends up so deep he looks like he’s about to burst into tears.

“Don’t put us in the same sentence,” Jaemin hisses.

Jeno rolls his eyes, “for fucks sake it was an accident!”

“You broke the screen on my phone! I can’t even use it now without cutting the shit out of my fingers!” Jaemin shouts.

“It. Was. An. Ac…ci…dent.” Jeno reiterates.

“So, they’re out.” Haechan falls back onto the couch his head resting on the side of your leg. “You just had to start this going to sleep early shit, didn’t you?” He glances up at you.

You shrug. “Sorry?”

“What about the rooms?” Mark asks. “Personally, I don’t want to bunk with Haechan tonight. He’s going to be in a bitchy mood now that ‘movie night’ was messed up. Renjun, wanna share a room?”

“Uh,” Renjun looks at you from the couch adjacent to the one you were sitting on. “What do you think?” He asks you.

You smile reassuringly as Renjun’s face shows concern. “If you want to bunk with Mark that’s alright.”

“What the fuck, Mark!” Haechan roars. “We always bunk together!”

“Yeah, but as you can tell you’re already in a bitchy mood.” He waves Haechan off. “All you’ll do is complain all night about your infamous scary movie marathon being ruined and then you’ll want to cuddle as your voice goes out from all the ranting. I want to get some sleep for once.”

“And ditching me is your answer to this problem? And to pick Renjun?! Are you trying to make me hate you?” Haechan stands up, “Renjun, you and I can room together.”

“I actually think I’ll choose Mark, sorry Haechan. I’m just really tired. It’s been a long day.”

Haechan stands in the middle of the small living room stunned that not only one of his best friends decides to throw him under the bus but the other as well.

“No. No. No!” Haechan glares at everyone in the room. “We have a system and we’re going to follow the system. There are three rooms in this place. Two of them have twin beds and the one has a queen. Jeno and Jaemin suck it up and make up so you two can room together. Mark, I promise I won’t bother you and Renjun,” he looks at him with fake worry. “Protect the love of my life. I only trust her with you.” He then turns your way giving you a loving look.

“Fuck off, Haechan.” You flip him off.

“Et tu, Brutes?” He feigns hurt.

“I’m not rooming with Jeno. I don’t want to be anywhere near him right now.” Jaemin stands up walking up to Haechan. “Think of some other arrangements.”

“Well, I want to room with Mark, I was given permission,” Renjun gestures your way as he too joins in the argument.

“Oh, poor Renjun,” Jaemin places his hand on Renjun’s shoulder. “I didn’t know you were such a child that you needed your mommy’s permission to bunk with someone else.”

“To hell with you, Jaemin.” Renjun pushes him away. “Just because your mad at your boyfriend doesn’t mean you can take it out on me.”

“I’m not his boyfriend!” Both Jeno and Jaemin shout at the same time.

“Please, don’t leave me with Haechan again,” Mark begs from one of the lounge chairs.

The room fills with angry protests as Jaemin, Mark, Renjun, and Haechan start to argue about sleeping arrangements. Mark refusing to bunk with Haechan. Renjun wanting to be with Mark, Haechan telling Jaemin he would die a thousand deaths if he were to room with you – despite his undying love for Mark, Haechan didn’t like the idea of you bunking with him either. Their voices started to grow louder as the protests grew stronger. Jeno had bailed out a long time ago and plopped down on the couch next to you in a bad mood. It also didn’t help to hear his best friend saying he didn’t want to room with ‘him,’ in such a condescending and sharp tone.

Jaemin’s anger was justified though. His phone screen did break because Jeno was playing around with him earlier but Jeno did say he would help to pay to fix the phone or at least help buy a new one – to which Jaemin told him to go to hell. Thus, starting the feud between the besties. Knowing them for over three years now this is the first time they’ve ever been this mad in front of all of you. Small spats happened but they would just look at each other one time and soon the air of distaste was lifted.

“You know what fuck all of you!” Haechan roars.

“No, fuck you!” The others fight back.

Sighing you lean into Jeno, “should we break this up before it gets violent?”

He scoffs, “I wouldn’t mind seeing them try to rip each other to shreds.”

“Jeno!” You scold.

He laughs, “I was kidding. I swear.”

“Yeah yeah,” you sigh. “By any chance do you want to bunk with me?”

He sits up straight shocked by your suggestion. “You and me?” He asks and you nod. “Sure, why not?” He stands up dusting off his pants. “Plus, it’s better than rooming with Haechan.”

“Jackass! Don’t compare us!” You follow his lead.

As the two of you were leaving the living room Renjun squeezes his way past Haechan and Jaemin who were two seconds from throwing hands.

“Wait, where are you guys going?”

You point to Jeno, “we’re going to room together tonight. So, good night, everyone. Sleep well. And try not to kill each other,” you salute.

“Hell no,” Haechan marches up to you, grabbing your wrist. “You’re not rooming with Jeno, he’s just as bad as Jaemin!”

“The fuck you just say?” Again, Jeno and Jaemin speak in unison.

You peel Haechan’s hand from your wrist. “I’m a big girl who can take care of herself. I don’t need you or anyone else to protect me. Plus, Jeno is and has always been a gentleman. So, once again, good night and sleep tight.” You link your arm with Jeno’s. “Also, we’re taking the Queen, I’m afraid if we let you guys sleep next to each other someone is going to end up in a body bag.”

You drag Jeno out of the living room, down the hall and to the left, to a beautiful room that was nestled towards the back of the Airbnb. Walking into the simplistically decorated room you immediately hurl yourself onto the bed sighing in relief. The day of fun having you wiped out. Waking up at 9AM for go-karting, then heading out to brunch, from then going back to the Airbnb for a pool party/cookout and 6 hours of scary movies was a lot for one day.

“Are you that tired?” Jeno asks taking a seat on the other side of the bed.

“Exhausted,” you roll over onto your back. “You know I can’t believe it’s the first time we’ve ever bunked together.”

“Well, I normally room with Jaemin so,” he mumbles.

“I’m sorry about everything. I know it was an accident and so does Jaemin. He’s just in his feelings right now. He’ll forgive you,” you crawl over to him and sit next to him.

He holds out his hand and you slide your hand into his, something you’ve noticed he does when he wants a little affection. “I hope so. I just can’t believe how pissed he got. I’ve done much worse in the past.” He chuckles. “I mean one time I made out with his ex-girlfriend. Didn’t know they were together but he wasn’t even pissed because of that. He was pissed at her yes, but not me. You’d think that he would be up in arms over what I did but nope,” he squeezes your hand tightly.

You lay your head on his shoulder snuggling close to him. “Don’t worry about it right now. Just give him the night and I’m sure everything will be fine in the morning.”

He nods, “yeah you’re right.” He lays his head on yours. “What do you want to do about showering. Do you want to go first?”

Jumping up and scaring Jeno you grab your bag taking out your toiletries and your pajamas. “I’ll go first,” you giggle and run into the bathroom.

★- - - - - - - - - - - - ☆

After showering you come out in a matching t-shirt and pajama shorts. Normally you would wear a long-sleeved shirt but since you were going to be sleeping next to Jeno, you were for sure going to get hot overnight. When Jeno came out of the bathroom you fell over onto your side cracking up.

"Aren’t you going to be too hot?” You ask him.

Jeno looks down at his grey sweatpants and hoodie before shrugging. “If I do, I’ll take off the hoodie. I’ve got a t-shirt on underneath. Plus, I’ve heard about your weird sleep habits. Might as well dress warmly in case you steal all the covers.” He flicks your forehead lightly before sliding into bed.

“Who blabbed? Renjun or Haechan?” You think for a second. “It was Haechan wasn’t it? I haven’t slept side-by-side with Renjun yet. That asshole!” You grumble getting into bed on your side. “Remind me to beat him up later.”

“Will do. I’ll put my money on you since Haechan will just fall on his knees for you the moment you get mad at him.” He rolls over onto his side facing you.

Sighing, you move closer to Jeno. “He needs to stay on his best behavior for the rest of his life.”

“I don’t think I ever fully found out what happened between the two of you.” He wraps his arm around your waist laying his forehead against yours. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“He slept with my older sister,” you shrug. “It wasn’t like Haechan and I were dating or anything. We’ve never dated but I did like him. Now, all I see is him and my sister. I’ve forgiven both of them but I just can’t get that image out of my head.”

Jeno leans back gazing down at you, his brows furrowed and mouth in a hard line. “I’ll beat the shit out of him for you. How the hell do you go and sleep with your best friend’s sister when you yourself like the younger sister? He told us all to stay away from you because he likes you. Then to do that? Dudes an idiot.” He pulls you to his chest. “I’m sorry you have to deal with his idiocy.”

Snuggling close to Jeno you let his comforting arms lull you to sleep. It was strange. Normally you would be apprehensive to sleep with someone outside of Haechan and Renjun. The only time you slept next to Mark was when you were younger with Haechan. You were over at Mark’s house for a sleepover and all three of you camped out in the living room. Haechan on your right, Mark on your left. When you woke up both of them were entangled with each other’s arms and legs over you. It was the worst night of your life.

Jaemin, despite his sweetness, he was super hyper when it came to settling down. It seemed like a switch went off in his head that was keeping him docile for most of the day – to being hyperactive and talkative at night. The only person used to that and dealing with him, Jeno. Sleeping next to Jeno felt nice. He was always sweet to you and protected you from Jaemin’s flirtations and Haechan’s…well Haechan-ness. He was like your personal bodyguard.

“Sleep well,” Jeno kisses the top of your head.

“You too.” You reply.

★- - - - - - - - - - - - ☆

Feeling a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, and the heat radiating off both you and Jeno you peel yourself carefully out of his grasp. Somewhere during your slumber Jeno took off his hoodie and discarded in onto the floor. His looked positively adorable. His hair was messy sticking up at different angles, his mouth hanging open slightly but with a small smile. He looked like a kid fast asleep in his dream world. Trying to suppress a laugh, you scurry off to the bathroom. When you come back into the room you find Jeno sitting up in bed, eyes half open and hair even messier than when he was lying down.

“Oh, Jeno, did I wake you?” You walk over to your side.

“No, I normally wake up after a while.” He runs a hand through his messy hair. “It also felt like the bed was empty,” he chuckles.

Reaching over to him you mess up his hair. “Stop being super cute right now.”

Jeno smiles his beautiful and sweet eye smile before lifting the covers. You start to climb in when you notice something that was definitely not there when you and Jeno went to sleep – Jeno’s boner. Being bestie’s with Haechan you were accustomed to him freaking out in the early morning hours with his hard on. Telling you time and time again it wasn’t what you thought as he covered himself and tiptoed out of the room, but Jeno’s was…appetizing to say the least. You never saw someone that big before. Your bottom lip finding it’s way under your top teeth as you stared at him catching Jeno’s attention.

“Are you going to come back to bed?” He asks confused.

“Uh, y-yeah…” You shake your head getting yourself out of your lustful thoughts.

“Is everything alright,” he asks when you keep yourself on the edge of your side.

“Just a little hot is all. I’m fine.”

Jeno doesn’t say anything else. He keeps his distance as you both fall back to sleep. It was hard getting back to sleep with thoughts of what you saw filling your head. It had been a few months since you and your ex broke up, a few months of no sexual activity aside from watching porn and taking care of business for yourself. Pushing back all thoughts of Jeno you find yourself drifting off into a deep sleep.

Two more hours past when Jeno stirs in his sleep. He turns over to face the wall, his back against you when something gains his attention. Reaching down he almost groans out loud at his hardened length. Cursing lightly, he lays on his back staring up at the dark ceiling. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. He did not have a boner while he was sharing a bed with you. Glancing your way, your back facing him images of your face from earlier springing to his mind.

“No, it couldn’t be…” he whispers.

Did you see him earlier? Was that the reason why you were practically clinging to the edge of the bed as far from him as possible. Were you disgusted by him? Did you not want to be anywhere near him now? All of these questions swarming around him, anxiety building up in his chest. This was the first time you two were this close without your other friends around and he had to get a boner and ruin things.

His hand slides down over his length, his hips bucking up into his hand. He had two options. Turn around and go back to sleep, or rub one out and try to be as quiet as possible – eliminating the problem completely. Thinking the best solution was to rub one out as discretely as possible, Jeno slides his pants down – taking his girth in his hands.

Slowly, he starts moving his hand trying his best not to moan out. Biting down on his bottom lip he thinks back onto the porn he’s watched before, images of beautiful women coming to mind. He was getting so close to coming when you moan out into the night, stopping him.

“Jeno...” You call.

His eyes wide, he turns his head in your direction fearful that he would see you staring at him but what he saw was your back. Were you dreaming? He calls to you but when he doesn’t hear you respond he sighs, his heart racing from thinking he was caught by you. He tries to focus on his throbbing cock in his hands but your breathy moan is all he can think of now.

Were you in fact dreaming? If you were…, were you dreaming about him? What was going on in your dream that made you moan out his name? His hand moves faster up and down his length. What would it feel like to have your lips wrapped around him instead of his hands? A whimper comes from his mouth. Covering his mouth with his other hand he tries to stop thinking about you but your presence next to him was making it impossible to not fantasize about what it would feel like to have your hand stroking him, your mouth around him and him inside of you. The mere thought of you wrapped around his cock has him bucking his hips high in the air, a deep moan coming from him.

“Ahh…shit!” Jeno moans out into the night. “Fuck!” The bed jostles from his spasm disturbing you from your sleep.

“J-Je-Jeno?” You call out to him.

His eyes go wide in fear, his hold on his cock stopping as he prays that you don’t turn around. “Shit! Sorry, no I’m okay. Go back to sleep.” He reassures.

Turning over he is shrouded in some darkness, but the silhouette that comes through puts you on high alert. “What are you doing?” You ask cautiously.

Jeno’s body stiffens, his throat growing dry and cottony. “Ugh,” was all he managed to say.

“Wait, are you…masturbating?” You shriek. “What the hel —"

Jeno’s hand goes from his cock to over your mouth. He rolls over, his body hovering over yours. This couldn’t be happening. You did not just wake up and catch him in the act. This wasn’t supposed to happen, why did he have to think about you? If he didn’t you wouldn’t have found out about this. His body starts shaking as panic settles in. He couldn’t lose you as a friend.

“Don’t freak, ok?” Jeno whispers. “It’s not what you think.”

You pull at his hand begging him to let you talk. When he finally complies, you try your best to keep your voice down.

“What do you mean it isn’t what I think?! Your dick is or was in your hand! And —" freaking out you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. “You put your dick hand over my mouth!!” You squeak only to have your mouth covered again.

“Dick hand, really?” Jeno growls as you struggle to get him off you. “For fucks sake I wasn’t masturbating to you!” He lies. “I just thought I’d jerk one out before you woke up. I don’t want to have you screaming your ass off because my boner was pressed against you. That’s the last thing I need — Haechan and Renjun coming in here to see you freaking out and my dick being hard as fuck. I can’t help when it becomes hard, okay? Nine times out ten it’s in the early morning hours. I just…” he sighs defeated. “I didn’t want you to wake up and see me like that, okay?”

You stop struggling to see Jeno’s body hunched over in the sunlight coming through the room. He really was beating himself up for this and you didn’t help the situation either. Then again, it’s not every day one of your best friends decides to stroke his cock while lying next to you. He also seemed to be enjoying it a lot by the sound of the moans. Peering down for a second you find that Jeno’s legs are bare, his sweatpants gone. Was he…? Curious you reach down towards him only to earn a hiss when your hand graces over the tip of his cock that was pressed against your lower stomach.

“Stop!” He grabs your hands.

“What? I was curious,” you mumble turning your head to the side that was still covered in darkness to hide your face.

“Curious? What you want to see and touch my dick? Give me a break,” he rolls off of you and grabs his pants.

Silence covers both of you. This isn’t how things were supposed to be. Rooming with Jeno was the safest option outside of Renjun and possibly Mark. The problem with having Jaemin and Haechan and to a lesser extent Mark as a roommate is that they NEEDED to cuddle. To have their arms wrapped around someone or something. Jaemin starting things out as a joke but suddenly falling into a deep heavy sleep with your body engulfed in his arms — you like a trapped animal in a cage.

Haechan, he was a perv. The number of times he flirted, made innuendos and touched your arms and legs driving you insane. Haechan, however, was your real best friend out of the rest of the guys but he also flirted far too much. Was he cute? Absolutely. Was he charming? When you didn’t want to beat the shit out of him for driving you crazy. Would you have ever dated him? Yes…but he fucked up when he decided to fuck your big sis.

Ever since that moment you’ve been glued to Renjun. He was on your side from the beginning just as appalled at Haechan’s behavior as you were. During those dark times he was your saving grace and the two of you created such a beautiful friendship that had you wanting to be around him as much as possible. He kept you calm when your emotions ran wild. Then, there was Jeno.

Meeting both Jaemin and Jeno a few years back you felt that they were the perfect duo to join your friendship circle. They just fit in perfectly. Jeno the secretly funny guy whose humor was spot on only if you caught it. He reminded you of Renjun. When your feelings were flying rampant, he brought you back down before you beat the shit out of one of your other friends; mostly Haechan. Now, you don’t know where exactly this friendship will end up. How can you get over this? Is there even a friendship anymore? A single tear runs down your cheek at the thought of Jeno being out of your life.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper a sniffle following after.

“What?” Jeno turns in your direction.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…I just…I don’t know,” you start crying.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Jeno quickly sits next to you. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry. You have nothing to be sorry for. I should be the one apologizing. I should have just gone to the bathroom and fixed the problem instead of doing that here. Please, please, please don’t cry.” He wraps you in a tight hug.

Crying into his chest you take in the scent that is Jeno. A clean fresh soapy smell with a slight hint of muskiness at the end. It was actually calming and you wrapped your arms around him after your tears started to settle down, burying your face in the crook of his neck inhaling more of his scent. The whole time Jeno hugged you, he stroked up and down your back whispering ‘I’m sorry’ again and again. When you finally calmed down you pulled back just enough until you could see his face.

“Are we still friends?”

He lifts the bottom of his shirt up to wipe your eyes and your nose, squeezing your nose a little harder making you squeak — Jeno breaking out into a hardy laugh.

“Of course, we’re still friends. It’ll take a lot more than what happened to stop us being friends. Honestly, I was worried I fucked up big time. I mean I was, well, you know…next to you…” he looks away from you.

You don’t need a bright room to know that Jeno was blushing badly. The warmth that was radiating off his body was proof enough. Carefully, you raise your hands to his cheeks and feel them burning up; he was 100 % blushing right now.

“Blushing Jeno,” you giggle. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

He brings your hands down glaring playfully at you. “Shut it, missy!”

Falling onto your back you sigh out in relief. “I’m glad nothing’s changed at all. I thought when I touched you, I went and blew our friendship to smithereens.”

Jeno looks down at you. Your legs still crossed, your breasts up in the air, and your nipples peeking through your shirt – causes him to lick his lips. As you reach over your head stretching, your shirt lifts slightly, your stomach exposed. He looks over your body once more before seeing your hair splayed out onto the bed. How he would love to be on top of you kissing every inch of you. But what really got his attention was the gap between your legs. How easily it would be to touch you and feel the heat from your core.

“Fuck,” Jeno curses grabbing a pillow to cover his growing girth.

“What’s wrong?” You sit up to see Jeno now with a pillow over his lap. “Talk about raging hormones,” you whisper.

“Close your eyes, I’ll go to the bathroom.” He turns his body from you.

“Jeno,” he doesn’t turn around. “We’re both adults here, plus it’s not like I’m some virgin you need to shield yourself from. Not to mention I already saw the impression earlier, sooo…”

He chuckles, “so I just stand up and allow my dick to swing while you ogle me?”

“Ah, so you know it’s pretty big, huh?” You wink at him.

“Big?” He looks down at the pillow that’s covering his lap. “I wouldn’t say it’s —"

“You’re WAY bigger than my ex I’ll say that.” You lean forward on your hands and knees. “I don’t want this to get weird or anything but I can help you with your problem.”

Jeno leans back shaking his head. “Stop playing.”

“What if I’m not playing,” you remove the pillow from his lap.

“I wouldn’t believe you,” he gulps seeing the lust in your eyes.

Staring at him, your bottom lip gets caught between your top teeth. He really was much bigger than your ex. A million questions and images swirling around your mind making you lick your lips. “Can I touch you?”

Jeno doesn’t say a word. He just looks in your eyes searching for the joke, the punch line, for you to say ‘ha got’cha,’ but there was nothing there. Truth be told the moment you saw Jeno’s length you wanted to know what it looked like, what it would feel like, was the impression based solely on length or would it become bigger when fully hard.

“Uh,” Jeno turns his face from yours. “Ju-Just touching,” he mumbles.

“Are you sure?” You ask for confirmation before you touch him.

“Y-Yes, I’m sure.” He clears his throat still keeping his eyes off of you.

Slowly reaching out your palm it lands gently on Jeno’s upper thigh. Gauging his reaction he inhales deeply, holding his breath. What you were about to do would change the trajectory of your friendship. Feeling your own nerves kick in you look down onto the bed sheets, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Please,” Jeno calls out. “Just touch me already.”

Looking up at the sound of desperation in voice you see his dilated eyes, mouth open, and his chest heaving up and down. He took your hand in his and moved it over top of his groin, his eyes rolling to the back of his head when your hand makes contact with his girth.

“Jeno,” you whisper as your hand starts to move on its own. “Y-You’re huge!”

He chuckles through his heavy breathing. “I wouldn’t say huge,” he looks into your eyes. “But I will say out of all the guys I’m the biggest one here,” he winks before hissing as you slide your hand into his pants. “Fuck your hands are freezing.”

“I guess you’ll have to help warm them up,” you move closer to him. “Seriously you’re so long, Jeno.”

“I lied earlier,” he whispers close to your ear. “I was thinking about you.”

Heat pooled between your legs at his confession. The thought of him jerking off to you causes you to clench your legs together as your hand moves faster along his length.

“What were you thinking about?” You ask eager to hear what ran through his mind.

Another moan comes from him when your thumb skates across the tip of his cock. “Wh-What it would feel like if you were the one touching me.” You lean forward kissing his neck as he continued. “How your mouth would feel and –” he groans loudly as you sink your teeth into his neck. “Fuck, that feels good.”

Giggling you pull back looking at the mark now left behind, proof of your presence. Jeno uses this opportunity to take his pants off, throwing them off to the side. “I think we can get rid of that.”

His cock now on full display you take in his length. He was so much bigger than your ex, his length about half the distance from your wrist to your elbow. Licking your lips, you give him a small glance.

“Go ahead,” he says as if reading your mind.

You lower yourself down to his cock, his scent already filling your head. He had such a clean soapy smell to him but the muskiness is what started to make your mouth water. It was strong and manly. It was as if every logical thought fluttered out of your mind with one whiff of him. Sticking your tongue out you give him a little lap, licking at the precum that was glistening on top of his tip. Salty with a slight bitterness hit your taste buds and had your body curling in desire. You wanted to taste more of him. You wanted all of him, every last drop he could give you.

Wasting no more time you slide him into your mouth. Another hiss leaving Jeno’s mouth. Taking your time to get used to his length you keep one hand at the base of his cock, while your mouth works the upper half. Simultaneously sucking on him and stroking him, Jeno grips your hair leading you down farther onto him – the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat making you gag.

Coming up for air, a trail of saliva hangs between your mouth and his girth. He takes one look at you before bringing your face up to his and crashing his lips to yours taking in his own essence. The kiss startles you. Never in your wildest dreams would you ever expect to kiss Jeno. He was absolutely gorgeous, strong, masculine, everything you loved in a man but at the same time – you were just two people who enjoyed their time together when the gang gets together. That was it. Kissing him now, however, is definitely making you rethink everything you thought about him.

Pulling back with a swipe of his tongue over your lips, Jeno takes his hand from your hair and gently wraps his hand around your neck. His eyes washing over you a tenderness to them. He then angles your face for him to explore your mouth deeper. His tongue rolls over your lips asking for permission to enter. Without a second thought you part your lips and he slides into your mouth, exploring every crevice – taking in the taste of his cock all the while. It was the hottest thing in the world. Battling against him for dominance, he won when he nipped your bottom lip making you moan out into the early morning.

“Fuck,” you hiss when his tongue skates over your lip.

“You taste so good,” he mumbles against your lips. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” you giggle. “Not at all.”

“Good,” his hand grips your hair, yanking your head back. “Now why don’t you go back to sucking me off. I want to see how much you can take,” he pushes your head back down to his cock.

The sudden change from sweet, nervous, and caring Jeno to this domineering one has you feeling all sorts of sensations. Your mouth hungry, watering to take him in, your core burning with desire of what could possibly happen after you get him off – your heart and mind playing a dangerous tango of ‘what will come of you two afterwards?’ You loved every minute out of it.

Opening your mouth, you take him in again, this time trying to put more of him into your mouth. Holding your breath, you inch your way down his length.

“Oh, fuck, yes…” Jeno groans, his hand gripping your hair tighter.

Coming up for a breather, thick saliva dangles in the air. Jeno keeps his eyes on you while you kiss up and down his length, your tongue sliding all over his cock getting it nice and slippery. Heading back to the tip you suck around him as hard as you can, his hips bucking up making you choke when his cock is shoved into your mouth. Smirking, you slide down his length fast and shallow hoping to get another reaction out of him.

“Fuck!”

Jeno’s hand falls from your hair. His upper body falls back onto the bed giving you full range to do whatever you please to him. Staring at the man writhing in pleasure, you take his cock and slap it against your tongue a playful grin coming to your face. Kissing his cock, you rub the tip over your lips earning a few more groans from him.

“Don’t tease, please.” He fists the bed sheets. “I’m so fucking close.”

“Awe, but you sound so cute,” you kiss the tip again. “Can’t you hold out a little longer?”

You blow onto him causing him to shiver. “Shit,” he reaches out for your hand. “No, please don’t tease.”

Glancing at him, sweat having developed on his forehead, his eyes closed tight – his body starting to turn a light shade of pink from how hot he’s getting, and it was all because of you. Jeno the strong but cute masculine man was begging for you to make him feel good. A sense of pride washes over you as you take him back into your mouth.

Opening wider you gulp him down as far as you can, only a small bit of space between the base and his cock to his pelvis left untouched. Heeding his words, you bob your head up and down, gargling noises filling the room along with Jeno’s moans. Trying your best your body curls up as you finally make contact with the base of his cock, your tongue moving around coating the underside.

“Shit, yes!” Jeno grips your hair keeping you around him. “Don’t move, don’t move.” He orders.

Your jaw starts to ache, your lungs on fire as you desperately try not to breathe. Jeno’s hips moving slowly as he thrusts into your mouth. Tears started to pour from your eyes, as snot came from your nose. You didn’t know how much longer you were going to be able to keep Jeno’s cock deep in your throat when his ministrations stop, his hand leaves your hair as you pull up coughing and gasping for air.

Jeno sits up on his elbows taking a look at your disheveled appearance. Your hair a mess, your eyes red and teary. Your mouth hanging open as you take in as much oxygen as you can. To him you look amazing, but there was one thing missing.

“Get on your hands and knees,” he instructs as he stands up from the bed. Doing as instructed you watch him pump his cock through his fingers, his other hand running through his sweat drenched hair. “Open up,” he places himself against your lips. Slowly Jeno thrusts his cock into your mouth, his hand gently gripping your hair.

“Good girl,” he coos as he wipes some tears off your cheeks. “You’re such a… fucking… good girl for me.” His head falls back when his hips jerk forward. “So good…”

Hearing Jeno calling you good girl switches something in your mind. Wanting to please him more you reach out and pull him closer to you. He chuckles when you take him in one hand and use your mouth to suck him harder than you did before.

“S-Some…one is eager,” he grunts. As you take him fully in your mouth Jeno’s upper body curling forward, his hands entrapped in your hair. “Yes, fuck.”

He pulls back giving both of you a break. “You’re so big, Jeno.” You stroke your hand up and down his length looking into his eyes. You take him into your mouth keeping your eyes on him. “I love sucking your cock.” You moan as your tongue slides up and down his length.

Jeno’s eyes close, “fuck,” his hand cups your jaw as he pulls back from you. “Open your mouth for me.”

You open wide as he strokes his cock close to your lips. His moaning becoming louder. Sticking out your tongue you gently kitten lick his tip sending him over the edge.

“Ah! fuck!” His cum shoots out onto your tongue, hot white strands coating your mouth and lips. “Shit,” he continues to stroke his cock making sure every last drop comes out. When he slows down you take him in your mouth sucking out even more of his hot cum. “F-Fuck!” Jeno’s hands grip the side of your face. “O-Okay,” he chuckles.

Pulling back, you show him all of his cum in your mouth, swirling it around with your tongue. The act making Jeno’s chest heave in anticipation. With one final swirl of your tongue, you swallow ever last bit of him, licking your lips in satisfaction of his taste. Not overly bitter and not too salty. He was perfect.

“That was so fucking hot,” Jeno hovers over you. “You’re so hot,” he bends down kissing you gently. “I think it’s about time we take care of you next,” his lips move from yours down to your neck.

“EVERYONE GET UP!” Mark’s voice echoes out in the hall. “We need to get ready to leave!” He shouts his voice getting closer to the door of the room you and Jeno were sharing.

“Shit, get into the bathroom!” You shove Jeno away.

“Fuck, why does he have to wake up so fucking early?!” He scrambles to grab his pants before disappearing behind the bathroom door.

“Are you guys awake yet?” Mark opens the door to your room and sees you lying in bed. “J-Jeno?” He shouts.

“In the bathroom, we’re awake.” He shouts.

“Okay, breakfast will be ready in about an hour.”

“We’ll be out.”

Mark takes his leave and with the sound of the door closing both you and Jeno come out of hiding.

“Did he even knock?” He asks when he sees you getting out of bed.

“Nope, which is quite uncharacteristic of him. Normally, he does knock.”

Jeno’s eyes widen realization clicking in. “Y-You don’t think he heard…do you?”

Sauntering past him you start up the shower. “I don’t know, Jeno. You did get a little loud at the end of it.” You look over your shoulder winking.

Jeno takes off his t-shirt, his perfect body now on full display. Your bottom lip getting snagged by your teeth. There is no way a man should look this fine. God certainly does have his favorites.

“That’s because someone was pretty fucking amazing at what they were doing,” his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “How about we take care of you now?” He kisses your neck gently.

A knock rasps on the door causing you both to back away from each other. “Rain check?” You ask.

“Yeah,” he glares past you to whoever it was knocking on the door. “Fucking idiots can’t leave two people alone.”

Jeno gets into the shower, and you do your best to make yourself presentable for whoever disturbed you from getting off for the second time. Glancing back into the bathroom before leaving a smirk coming across your face. There will definitely be a rain check.

☆ PART 2 ☆

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