#i wish i could make private posts for my very close mutuals who i could trust to tell

[faynthearted]

school is back in session. free time is 100% gone. 😀

[mezamun]

In relation to another post, I think I'd like to give my basic thoughts on ships; Ash ships in particular to start with because that's easy.

Poké- Childhood mutual crushes. The sillies. AU Notes — Ash got burned by Misty leaving and ignored love for a while. Misty moved on. By the time the subject came up again, she gently rejected him. They tried dating as adults but it felt awkward and weird. They think the other is attractive but it just does not work. They'd rather give each other noogies and dead arms than date.

Advance - Not my favorite, but charming and cute. AU Notes — They're both committed to their primary partners, but they do casually date as adults. They grow up to have a lot in common and have nice chemistry. That said, you'd hardly notice that they're not just BFFs unless you see them kiss or something.

Pearl - OTP! They're so perfect. Made for each other. Endgame. AU Notes — Endgame. They're married. Ash and Dawn start dating a year after Diamond/Pearl and they support each other more and more; Dawn is the perfect emotional confidant for Ash and vice versa. Lacking a lot of his inhibitions for sharing his grief and worries, and not one to criticize him much, she's a great match for him. Likewise, Ash is a bit more emotionally in-tune and is good for her!

Negai - Conceptually great, but canon sours this one for me hard. The mean-spiritedness of BW makes me resent a lot of their interactions. But on paper, I think it's a great ship with some tweaks! AU Notes — Their friendship is a lot closer to my ideal, here. Fellow hard-headed trainers turned Champions. There's just a touch of chemistry here; they comfort each other and hug things out in private and share a lot with each other emotionally. But, as far as most of the world is concerned, they're just tight friends.

Amour - My second favorite ship for Ash in canon. I do wish it got more buddy-buddy moments in the vein of Pearl, but I really appreciate their story and influence on one another, it's very cute. AU Notes — Part of my OT3! Serena and Ash become quick emotional confidants in Kalos, with Ash in heavy denial about his budding feelings. Dawn's arrival throws them for a loop, and only wants what makes all three of them happiest, once she too falls for Serena. They all date, and later get married and have a family.

Auriela - Not a fan whatsoever. Feels very much like Ash is just there to coddle and rescue her. Does nothing for me at all. AU Notes — Even more of a no; Ash meets her as a young adult when she's 10 or 11; he's damn near a parental figure to her, while co-boarding at Kukui's lab after she runs away from home. During my later USUM arc, Ash is the experienced mentor to her and Selene.

Aloha - Who picked that name. Anyways. It's fine. Shrug emoji AU Notes — Not a thing in my canon, though Ash and Mallow are friends from when he took part in her trial.

Blueangel - It's the one S/M ship I liked. Super cute chemistry! AU Notes — It's canon to my AU. They hit it off during/after Ash participated in her trial. They have similar senses of humor, wanderlust, and strong personalities in general. Ash ultimately introduces her to Misty, who she ends up marrying. Misty likes to joke that he has visitation privileges in their prenuptuals.

Bloombolt - I've seen people make it work! That Ash isn't even really Ash to me anymore, so whatever. AU Notes — Absolutely not. Ash is Chloe's godfather in this canon. They mean a lot to me platonically. He was friends with Prof Cerise growing up, and ended up being asked for that blessing. He's a major source of encouragement and wisdom for Chloe, despite the window of estrangement they go through when she closes herself off.

Pallet - I can definitely see why people ship this, it's good. AU Notes — While there's nothing that really makes this impossible, I don't see it in my canon. They're BFFs, it's not like that.

Coma - I like it. They're just kind of funny together. Disaster gays. AU Notes — I definitely could picture Ash having some feelings for him that he didn't realize or vice versa, but it doesn't end up happening. That window of time that'd set it off never happens. Paul would never care to entertain all the noise and relationships in Ash's life, and they work just fine as friends, anyway.

Z-Ring - I can see why people ship this in canon, it's cute. AU Notes — Nah. They're friendly rivals. Kiawe strikes me as very stern and do-it-by-the-books. He's monogamous with Mallow.

Journeys - Again; that Ash isn't the Ash I know. In isolation, it works. AU Notes — Very similar big no to Chloe; Ash is a mentor to Goh and actually encourages he and Chloe to pursue each other when they both confide in him separately. They're close, platonically.

Alto - Heroes made me a big fan they are so CUTE. AU Notes — They're together. They reunite some years after Johto, during a time where Ash is pretty down on his luck and could use the company + support. He reciprocates Latias's feelings after spending their short journey together and she joins him for good. She continues to use her human form to blend in alongside him.

Poffle - I really just believe Miette was using Ash to get Serena's goat, but it's an amusing thought anyway. AU Notes — She's something of a package deal with Serena. I think they're funny as a throuple.

That's it, for now!

[epersonae]

I wrote this originally as a reblog of something else, but after letting it sit in drafts for a while realized it needed to be its own thing. (but do go read that post, it was what got me thinking in this specific direction) I have not edited it much, other than to remove some intro about the kind of shitty day(s) I was having in my non-online life that were part of why I wrote something and then sat on it.

I have been thinking about

Don't like, don't read

(I saw this with rainbow text, and I asked how the fuck to do that, and frankly I don't have that level of patience, so just imagine it rainbow I guess)

And..........

Sure? We're all just here to have a good time or whatever, and Just Like Stuff, and it's exhausting being a hater (but also [stares at people I know who I've seen say all that and who are also ABSOLUTELY haters in private])

But I want something more nuanced than that. I mean that as both:

a writer of things I know other people have taken issue with (including, I remembered today, something that I heard secondhand about, in addition to the vagueblogging I've mentioned in an earlier post about my older fic)

and a reader/art appreciator who has some issues with things I've tried to read and art I've seen.

I don't what it is or how it works or how to get from here to there. I don't even really know how to do this with people I'm close to! (with the exception of having been a thoroughly obnoxious beta constantly saying "make me believe this could even happen", or pointing out conflicts with canon or whatever) I tend to silently nope out and then change my opinion of the person without ever telling them, because yeah, I'm horrifically conflict averse.

Which is why this might sit in my drafts for a long time.

And then, outside of friendships, and Difficult Conversations or whatever

I don't like pile-ons. I don't like a couple of people trying to articulate what bugs them about a piece of writing, and maybe being awkward or clumsy about it, and immediately getting drowned out by "you're being mean to my friends". (and I say that as someone who has had friends' writing receive this sort of critique! Multiple friends!) Maybe the immediate answer is, yes, the back button, but it has to be possible to dissect what's bothering you about a piece of writing (or a trope, or a ship) without it being negativity or an attack.

Here, I'll go first, because these are two things in OFMD fic that bug me endlessly, that writers I like have written, and I think they exhibit a subversion of the source material that is counter to the actual themes of the show.

Note: since I wrote all of this, I have written a little bit about my sort of complicated feelings about a fic that imho is an original novel in a trenchcoat, a sort of fic lacroix despite being very good. these examples are in the same vein as that.

Inevitable fucking disclaimer: I don't think people are wrong or bad for doing these things, I'm not going to try to make anybody stop, I practice don't like don't read (and I have some exceptions that I've enjoyed despite it being something I don't like generally)

Enemies to lovers: the whole point of Ed and Stede is that they click perfectly and immediately. They like each other! From the very first minute it's friendship and mutual admiration and delight and attraction. Enemies to lovers is a cliche that belongs to a different story entirely. I wish people would think more before jumping to that trope. (I've had an AU in my head for months that I absolutely cannot write until I solve this problem from the AU's source material) It's an interesting question to me, actually, why it seems to be so easy to write characters who don't like each other and then somehow fall in love, when the source material shows them liking each other SO MUCH right away.

Younger than middle aged: again, the whole point is that they are changing their lives, that their midlife crises brings them to the point where they can find love. I think it's a djenks Themes and Motifs thing, to have a story about getting to this point in your life and really looking at it and going "am I where I need to be?" Also it's incredibly unique and special to me after the last few years of my own rolling midlife crisis. (petty thought that I have sometimes: it is a failure of imagination about or knowledge of actual middle-aged people) Tbh, this goes double for age difference, I will nope out of that even faster than both of them being young.

And I think there's something about being able to not like something and still not be a dick about it, to know enough about what you do like to look at something and say "this doesn't work for me and here's why", to engage thoughtfully and critically (and yeah occasionally in public) while still having respect for the other person.

I am thinking also of @emi--rose and @frommybookbook and music, and their efforts to find kpop and Taylor Swift, respectively, that I might enjoy, because I don't like most of either, and I think this thing we've been doing is helping all three of us understand more about what we all do and don't like.

[pausing to think]

It occurs to me, also, that I spent a lot of time griping while editing for the benefit of all the broken hearts, about having to go back and do a lot of set up/rewriting to make some of what happens in that read plausibly. And I was soooooo bitchy about it and also that critique was all correct and it made the story stronger even aside from making it more "canonical", whatever the fuck that means in that particular setting.

And that was in the particular creative intimacy setting of working with a beta, which is different, admittedly, from random critique on the open internet.

But then I spent a while, back in the day, immersed in the TAZ questions of "is Lucretia a lesbian?" and "can Magnus ever love again?" and I wrote my rarepair (and associated polycule shipping) very much from my id, and a certain amount of "you can't tell me that didn't happen" that was based on overidentification and personal experience, but there were definitely people who were pretty publicly "ew" about it, and I had to think through my position, and both decide what felt true about and also decide to write from my weird heart, but not blindly.

Idk, I've written all of this and I'm just landing on

I think introspection is nice.

I think it's good to do, I think it's worth thinking about what you like and don't like, and maybe where that comes from, and not in a puriteen way but with sincerity and curiosity. I would like to support and encourage that spirit of artistic introspection.

[pomplalamoose]

can we get some hc’s for being dilf!lukes work wife pretty please 👀💗

a/n: for inclusivity's sake this is written for a gender neutral reader so everyone can enjoy <3

Hiiiii dear anon!!! Thank you so much for your request🩵

I'm not going to lie though, I found it somewhat difficult to think of Dilf!Luke with a work spouse due to his past and the way I generally like to imagine him to be.

But the concept really intrigues me and I have some ideas, so let's make some specific adjustments for this post to work:

• Dilf!Luke's first wife never died

• in fact he was never married to begin with

• his child is the result of a happy relationship which eventually ended in mutual agreement

• (otherwise he'd never allow himself to grow close to someone in a way like this)

• generally he's a slightly more positive version of himself, especially when compared to my other posts

On the other hand, here are some things that didn't change:

• he's always polite and hospitable, though keeps a distance between himself and everyone else

• a little bit intimidating with how he carries himself

• comes across as stern, though not as strongly as he does in my other posts

• even here I do not mention what kind of work it is he does, except that the two of you work together. I think it's fun to let everyone fill in the blanks with what they'd like best :)

• so imagine the first weeks at a new job: the new surroundings, hours, daily routines, tasks, co-workers...

• possibly you're one of the youngest among them as well and feel a little bit out of place, struggling to fit in among the already established relationships of your colleagues

• it's a lot and you find yourself wishing for someone to take you under their wing, even if it's just for the very beginning

• someone who looks out for you

• someone to have lunch with, to sit beside in meetings

• someone who takes time for you, to patiently answer any questions that might arise

• and maybe, if you're being honest, it's not just anybody you're hoping will do so

• handsome Mr. Skywalker, or Luke, as he introduces himself, works in the room just across the hall from yours, often brightening your surroundings simply by existing

• the most horrible day tends to change into a good one as soon as you catch a glimpse of his remarkable eyes or his private smile directed just at you

• a coincidental meeting by the coffee machine, on the stairs or in one of the many elevators is ways an event you think back to in the evening

• before you know it you're developing a major crush on him and, honestly, how could anyone not feel drawn to him?

• his looks

• his obvious kindness

• to the way he greets you by name when you clock in, his voice still a little bit rugged from sleep

• quickly it becomes your sole mission to catch his attention at least once a day, if even for the tiniest amount of time, just the smallest of interactions

• (you'd happily keep him company for hours on end if that's what he wanted but for now you'll take anything you can get)

• if only it weren't for a little problem

• (not to mention the rather obvious age difference)

• what you were already suspecting becomes a disappointing reality once you start to get more included by your other coworkers

• "he's generally well liked but sadly keeps to himself most of the time"

• "we already tried to get him out of his shell"

• "I see the way you look at him and believe me, many of us have been there.", a very nice elderly lady tells you

• "It's better to get him out of your head, my dear"

• "he's not one to seek out friendships or... other connections at work"

• and while you know they're probably right, that you should put your focus elsewhere, your thoughts can't seem to leave the mysterious older man alone

• like, you didn't even try!

• and so, more or less undeterred by your colleague's words, you make it a habit to include Luke into your work day

• after all there is no harm in being nice

• and no harm whatsoever in maybe flirting a little bit

• it does take him quite a while to warm up to you, though eventually, slowly, his careful kept distance wavers

• it starts without you realizing it at first but then, one morning, a steaming mug of your favorite tea/coffee sits on top of your desk to greet you

• (he's definitely a person to remember small things only mentioned in passing)

• maybe you don't connect the dots right away, still too tired to think properly

• and for a while you're confused, left to wonder; you can't even remember telling anyone about your favorite drink

• when you DO though and peek your head into his room to thank him, his response isn't more than a slightly amused expression that makes your stomach flutter

• sure this will have happened the first and only time, you try not to get your hopes up until small, colorful sticky notes appear in the files he returns to you

• they're often hidden, not to be spotted immediately, showing hand drawn smiley faces or fun little doodles

• and sometimes, when you're lucky, sweet messages written in Luke's familiar handwriting

• (those you treasure the most)

• suddenly, during lunch breaks, you often find yourself in the same spot in the park nearby (maybe intentionally so, maybe not) and end up spending them together

• during small talk that soon turns to more in depths conversations, you learn he likes to bake

• faced with your excitement it's not long after that he'd bring a batch of freshly made cookies with him just for you

• it'd definitely become a regular thing too, with him even trying out new recipes to ask your opinion and being super happy when you like them

• I think this is the point where, going forward, you'd only grow closer over time, eventually reaching that stage where it makes sense to call him your work husband

• he'd recommend books or movies to you, maybe music as well, that he thinks you'd enjoy and likes to hear about what you think he should try in return

• if you're currently learning a new language he'd memorize a few phrases to surprise you with simple greetings or compliments

• (alternatively he doesn't need to and would casually mention that he is in fact fluent, offering to practice with you)

• he'd like to surprise you with litte things to put on your desk

• maybe a fun plant, some cute organizers or, his favorite, completely obscure and very unnecessary trinkets he came upon on random that made him think of you

• on days that he knows will be particularly stressful, he brings in a few pretty flowers for you

• sometimes they're bought, sometimes he picks them on his way through the park, sometimes (very rarely), though he'd never admit to it in front of you, they're stolen out of someone's garden

• when you need a break he covers for you, no questions asked, seamlessly stepping into your role and everyone's way, keeping the others off your back

• during team celebrations, he ensures you get the best piece of cake or the best seat, or whatever it is you want at that moment

[hizznbyte]

I Survived […Now What?]

Hello everynyan, Captain Neri speaking. I gotta set the record straight and clear up some… confusion about what happened on the night of January 29th.

Do be warned, this post may be long and will mention things like abuse, violence, self-inflicted harm, mental episodes and trauma and all that fun stuff. So if you’re sensitive to those kinds of things I’d suggest you sit this one out. No skin off my back, just make sure to take care of yourself!

I guess I gotta preface this by saying that I… was very hesitant to post this. I think I owe some kind of explanation, but..? I worry that this will come off ventish -which I guess it is- and I don’t really enjoy venting to people on the internet and subjecting them to my fucked up mental state. Even my mutuals who I call my friends.. don’t know me really. It’s weird, over sharing like this. It feels selfish of me, to come crying to random people out here who only really came for funny art and memes… but then again, this is a personal blog. I’ve been healing and using this very Tumblr blog to heal. And my mutuals who are the sweetest people ever have been so important in that journey. And aside from Yax, the people who I go to vent to in private? It feels like they won’t listen, like I’m being continuously shut out and ignored, even when I’m struggling to even wake up in the morning [so much for being everyone’s therapist…] I don’t know who will care listen but if you are, thank you.

Y’know, growing up poor in a family that could barely afford a proper house taught me something. Something I can’t put into words, but it’s an experience. A humbling on maybe but not one I’d really wish upon others, let alone my worst enemy. Because we struggled a lot, and that caused some stress and fighting.

I don’t like using the word poor to describe my family though, because the first thing that comes to most people’s minds is a group of homeless people begging on the side of the road you kind of tilt your head at and pity. We aren’t broke by any means, we can still afford nice stuff every once in a while, it’s just at the expense of proper living.

So I’ve always been financially dependent on my parents. And I guess, dependent on them for everything [they are my parents after all]. I try my best to help out but.. someone like me? It seems impossible. They have control over most of my personal possessions and money, so it’s not like I can ever run away. It isn’t easy. I live with them, and in turn I should at least respect them… right?

Strict, conservative, religious parents and some kid like me. Was there ever anything more ironic? If they knew half of what you guys knew about me, I think I’d be on the streets. I love my family… I love my parents.. but it’s not an easy thing to do. Sometimes I feel like I hate them. I sometimes I feel like they hate me.

I think in an older post I made some offhand comment about my dad being the source of most of my issues. That’s still true. Always has been. I want to say he’s nice, he sometimes is, can be at least, and other times he’s so so cruel. I don’t know anyone in my family that isn’t a victim. Sometimes I think he’s actually a good person, and then a switch flips and suddenly he’s been replaced by a completely different person. And it hurts to see. One time he got super sick with Covid and I guess me and my siblings were being annoying, so he threatened to stab us all with a knife he was waving around. He doesn’t recall. I do, that’s stuck with me for a while. I don’t trust to be around him in the kitchen anymore. With him, you never know what to expect. He can get mad over the most trivial things, like if you sigh too deeply or close the door wrong. Was I being disrespectful when I did that? Under his roof, it feels like walking on eggshells all while playing Russian roulette.

So I guess I should’ve been more careful where I walk.

But he was getting on my nerves and I impulsively pushed his buttons to get back at him. It was really quick [can’t say what] but it’s not like I yelled at him or cussed him out or even set a finger on him really. I was in my own room, and he was in his. And just like that I messed up because he’s coming over and chasing me into my brother’s room before beating at me and trying to pull me out of the house. He’s yelling at me and calling me names [Anjing. Indonesian word for dog. He spat the word like it was a fucking slur. He might as well have called me a bitch] and saying I don’t deserve to live, to be alive. He’s yelling at me to get out of his house and never come back, that I’m not his kid anymore and that i should be out on the streets.

My baby brother is watching it unfold. He’s following his father’s steps. He’s yelling at me too.

He asks me for my phone and takes it and hides it away. I’m surprised he didn’t just throw it on the floor and break it right there and then, like he did so long ago. He probably would’ve honestly. But I’m on the floor and sweaty and bruised mess, trying my damn hardest not to burst out crying like the bitch I am.

My mom just looks down on me and doesn’t just rub salt in the wound, she lathers it. She tells me to apologize, looks at me like I’m crazy. I love my mom, I really do, and I wish I could say she’s nicer and more lenient than my dad, but that’s not right. It doesn’t take much but sometimes she’s just as bad, if not worse than he is. And worst of all? She’s a fucking coward. I can’t say I blame her really, looking at the situation we’re in, but it makes me wonder just how much I actually mean to her.

It doesn’t take long for them to go to sleep. I’m sitting on the floor in my brother’s room [Fritz btw, he’s my older brother] and before he can say some stupid thing he’ll regret, I tell him to go to bed and ask to borrow his phone. First thing I think of is my phone and everyone waiting behind the screen thinking I’ve just gone to bed for the night. Usually he’d hate for anyone to look at his phone, let alone use it, but Fritz told me his password and had me log on to his discord account. That’s when I started frantically texting Yax.

I’m scared. I don’t know what to do or where to go. He’s already hurt me and I KNOW he can and will try to kill me. I’ve always had that feeling oh so long ago, that if I died it’d either be by his hands or my own. And I’m too much of a coward to really try. He isn’t. I heard him loud and clear the first time. And the many times after that. So I’m texting Yax and that’s when I start crying like a baby. Cause I’m scared that when I die she’ll be confused and worried for me and there will be no one to tell her the news till it’s too late.

So thats where the messages she sent out on Tumblr [on my behalf] came from. I just wanted everyone to know how much I love them and appreciate what they did for me. I didn’t intend on causing panic or whatever. Whatever Yax wrote in those messages specifically I’m unaware of nor had any control over.

I need to clarify this so people will stop asking: There was nothing else I could do. If I called the police or CPS or some shit I’d just cause even more trouble for my entire family, and they’d never forgive me. I have siblings I care about. I’m not going to destroy their lives to deal with my stupid shit. I couldn’t straight or pack my shit and leave either. They wanted to kick me out of their house yes, but they’d make sure they took everything from me before I left. It all belongs to them after all. No money no phone no fucking clothes in the middle of winter. I would’ve left right there and then for Yax’ place if not for that, and if not for the fact that it was the middle of the night and she lives farther away from me than my own school. I really fought back the urge to yell at her to come pick me up. Aside from her I have virtually no one else. No other family [they all live in Indonesia] and no one else I trust. Like I said, I was dependent on my parents to survive.

Just like that I’m stuck in this fucking hellhole.

It’s so very long before he finally goes into a deep sleep, skipping over the part where he tells my younger sister Fizzi that I mean nothing to him loudly enough that I hear it from the other room. And I’m scared for my life. I’m scared of what he’ll do to me when he wakes up. But I’m not sleeping on the goddamn floor of my brother’s bedroom so I sneak out, use the bathroom for like an hour and crawl back into my bed. I feel safe, if only for a while. And I’m just so so fucking tired.

But I don’t let my guard down. I’m hiding under the covers with one eye open and peeping through. And with every disturbance to the silence outside I’m holding my breath and praying and begging to god that it’s not him. That he hasn’t woken up. Only god knows what he’d do if he had. I barely got any sleep that night since I was up for hours. It’s not like I’m not already used to that, I am an insomniac after all, but I was fighting so hard to get a minute of peace. I just wanted to sleep.

And maybe when I wake up it’ll all just be a bad dream.

Maybe they still love me. Maybe I didn’t fuck up.

But the morning after is the same as always.

[marengogo]

QUICKIE - 4: Queer Realizations and Acceptances

Part of Your World - by Halle  [The Little Mermaid]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Ladies, Gentlemen and Distinguished Enbies, how have you all been?

As I’m writing this, the schedule for FESTA 2023 was just released so, i’ll make sure to post this today, so I can focus on it 🤩🤩🤩.

Hope you haven’t allowed too many pestering things in the fandom ruffle your beautiful feathers. It might seem like there is a lot to be angry about, but IN MY OPINION we keep getting appalled and distracted by the same-ol’same ol’, which, NGL, plays perfectly into the hands of those who want to see us triggered and ignore, for example, ACTUAL ANGER INDUCING shit that has been going on in the industry potentially affecting the members, some more than others; NAMELY JIMIN. BUT the title of this post is Queer Realizations and Acceptances, right? So, forgive me, let me not digress.

From the beginning of this year, I’ve been concentrating heavily on all aspects of my health and thus far, even though it has been so groundbreaking in many positive ways, it has brought about a lot of things I had to face head-on, ready-or-not style. This particular weekend, my family and I met with another family for a nice lunch. During this meeting it was made pretty clear to me that, at this stage in my life, if I were to pursue being my TRUE SELF, a European-born African Queer Woman, with anyone other than my sibling and close cousins, within my family, I would never bring my family any joy, or sense of pride and I would most certainly ostracise myself. And because I also realised that I really love my family, there is really nothing I can do.

These are the cards I was dealt and that I have finally accepted. As a consequence, I have started making my statement clear on my wish to not want to marry, which has liberated me so much; SO FUCKING MUCH. With that weight off my shoulder, the desire to start working on my project has been growing stronger by the day, and with that I also finally came face-to-face with my biggest fear, the one and only reason why I haven’t been able to sit-down and write. I’ve been working on this like half my life, and though it is not the theme it is LGBTQ-heavy, hence I have been feeling literally petrified at the idea of this project somehow ending up catching a public eye or two. Take the infamous situation with Kit Connor, he was basically pushed into having to reveal his sexuality and I CANNOT, AND WILL NOT, HAVE THAT. 

I have been working on this project for so long, it is my baby, so I want it out in the world, but at the same time I also want to keep my family. I know it sounds like a Have your cake and eat it situation, but that is indeed my situation and: I WANT BOTH. Particularly when, to begin with, it is hella unfair for these two things to be mutually exclusive. So as I kept thinking, Jikook came to mind. For all the speculation, all the love, all the hate, all the gossip, all the rumours, all their actions, all their silences … we still don’t have any confirmation, or negation, regarding whether they are straight or queer. So why couldn’t this be me? 

The only big difference I could spot is that differently from Europe and America, in Asia a journalist will not come up and ask you flat out “Are you Gay?” In fact the private lifestyle of an Asian idol, where just dating is a scandal hence everyone keeps it underwraps, and companies also help you to do so if theta re invested in you enough could prove rather beneficial and a good protection unless you get caught of course 😬😬😬. Nevertheless, as I am not in Asia, I do not have that option but I have indeed figured out what I am going to do in my case if that time were ever to arise 🤡😌. Basically, NEVER LET ANYONE FORCE YOU TO COME OUT. I think this is not said enough, but if you don’t want to come out, YOU 👏🏾 DON’T 👏🏾 HAVE 👏🏾 TO 👏🏾.

Now, obviously I don't know if Jikook assuming they are queer would ever want to come out or not, it is a scary world out there and safety comes ALWAYS FIRST. However, ultimately it is up to them, and in the same way I would want people to respect my decision, even if 4 years from now it becomes painfully clear maybe by being the only two members that aren't married but somehow live together that they indeed are, if by then nothing has still been confirmed or denied then; CLEARLY that would have been their answer with that question. Period.

So, if I ever were to get "fans" one day, I apologise in advance for my secrecy in regards, but whatever action I take will be my stance. You will be free to speculate and do all that I am respectfully doing with Jikook at the moment, of course, but just as well, because I would have been on both sides, I also know that you won’t die from lack of knowledge; no matter how badly you want to know. BUT THEN AGAIN who knows, maybe by the time I get to that point the world might have made a complete 360 and being part of the Queer community 🏳️‍🌈 wouldn't be such a problematic thing anymore. I wouldn’t hold my breath on this but, hey, miracles do happen, so I can but hope 😊.

Anyways, enough of my rambling, let's all get ready for FESTA 2023, apparently there already is something on schedule for tomorrow so y'all ... like ... THE OT7 IN MY CAN'T EVEN.

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

[adviceforyoualways]

My ex-boyfriend and I were very much in love with each other for 5 years and ngl he was very devoted to me all the time. But I struggle with my mental health and have ROCD so I shared sometimes I have intrusive thoughts of him liking other girls in the future which wasn't smth he would have done and that's why ig he was extremely triggered and pissed off and he snapped at me and cut the call. Then I saw on the same day he put up a girl's name with hearts in his bio publicly which is weird and very OOC for him even if hes dating someone. It felt odd and I was pissed and dumped him for that. He kept saying it wasn't real which might be true because he doesn't remember he just mentioned the name to me only once when drunk that she was a friend's gf he had just met and they all hung out often and he said they are both great people and she assumed he was single and wanted to set him up with girls she knew. Then he told her about me and she understood. He did mention she's very friendly and fun and is a good person in general. And besides he didn't have any other female friends in his group and ik he could be petty and immature when triggered and knowing it would irritate me he did that and until then he never did anything like this before and did this on the same day we fought so I knew he was probably right and her name was the first name he could think of. He did insist many times its nothing real but I didn't let him explain. I was too exhausted and just wanted space from him and didn't contact him for months. After that he would still send me messages the same and insisted on waiting for me but I wasn't ready. So after 6 months of it he told our mutuals he's extremely jealous at the idea of me with someone new and he suspects I might be into someone as I didn't call him for months. A week later he suddenly starts posting extremely suggestive pictures of some girl who has her face hidden and kissing and hugging pictures of her publicly so my friends can see. The pictures seemed off like it seemed very odd and staged and artificial to everyone and he privately would keep seeing how he's in love with me. All the pictures were taken on the same day and there was some other guy in the room who took the couple pictures. It seemed suspicious and I was really hurt cuz I was in love with him too. And then I found out the girl was that same female friend who had broken up with his friend and was still in the group and he was close friends with her and she was basically the "wingman" friend of the guys in the group and it seemed very likely in the pictures they weren't actually kissing but trying to pretend they were it looked very fake and posed and also the fact that my ex looked extremely polite and had no expressions on his face which is unlike him and he even censored his eyes with huge excited stickers (very OOC) but you can see he was expressionless. And while he didnt tell me he heavily implied he made his close friend pretend to be his new gf esp as I had never seen her just because he was pissed at me and wanted to see if i felt something for him. I did reach out after that and he seemed amused that I was hurt and he was telling others he never cheated on me ever or move on he just did it to get me back. Later he himself told me he wishes to get me back and he has always loved me and I don't know what to do. Even if it wasn't real it was a horrible thing he did out of jealousy and to make me come back but I'm also still in love with him and idk if I should forgive him for this.

It sounds to me like both of you have done things that have hurt each other, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and that some space without talking OR looking at each other's social media would be good for you. You can make this known by communicating this to each other rather than cutting off communication cold turkey. That way, maybe you can agree on a certain amount of time until you talk again to see where things are at feelings-wise when you do decide to talk again.

[britneyshakespeare]

re: my last post rambling about my siblings: i also realize of course that not everyone who has siblings has as good a relationship to them as i do, and that can be for any number of reasons, can have any number of resolutions, including just begrudgingly accepting that your sibling(s) are never gonna be the closest people in your life. i talked about how the bond i have with mine is akin to a commitment, because all of us prioritize each other, but i don't mean to make it sound idyllic or like it should be the universal standard. i am lucky but i am not naive. not everyone gets the siblings they would most wish to have, or some people just aren't that close to them and i don't particularly have a blanket judgment to make of that in all cases. however...

that guy i made a bunch of personal posts over the summer about because he was an emotionally abusive friend that i had to cut off, who asserted way too much control over my life, who was guilt-tripping and manipulative and sought to silence me etc etc etc he really was just never very accepting of me for who i was, never expressed interest in anything about me that didn't have to do with him, etc etc etc just that JERK guy who i still have nightmares about a few times a month. it took me a long time to accept that he wasn't just "depressed" and "anxious" but that he was actively using people; he wasn't accepting of harmony but always wanted control over others and their narratives, etc etc etc. there were certain sides of him i didn't see much because i got to know him in a rather isolated way. we had mutual contacts but i never worked with him or had a class with him or really even met him a few times before he started spilling his heart and soul to me privately and said i'm his best friend and i'm the only one who understands and supports him and basically pressured me to make him my project 24/7 and was incredibly disrespectful towards me whenever i asserted my own independence from him or just. wanted to see someone other than him or even just wanted to be by MYSELF. jesus. what a nightmare that guy was. IS, because i know he can't have changed and he probably never will.

THAT guy has a sibling. he has a little brother four years younger than him, and that guy was about two years younger than me. so his brother turned 18 this year. he graduated from high school. his brother is YOUNG, all things considered. and as much as he would constantly pour his heart out and gripe about every person he ever came into contact with (and as much as i now distrust a lot of the information he told me because i know he'll only ever say flattering things about himself and never speak forgivingly or with any nuance towards someone he labels now as "bad", including me)... the only time that i didn't really know how to listen with as open a heart was when he would start talking about how awful his little brother is. i'd be like, ok, so you had terrible friends in high school. all the people in your classes are shitty to you. this person has done you wrong and this person is awful and your parents and your family suck and this and that and this. no one has ever been good to you in your entire life except me? ok.

the ONLY time i was like "i don't know if i can take this at face value, i think you're being too harsh..." is when he would talk about his little brother. because i was like, well, from everything you're telling me, his problems sound like something he can very well grow out of. he'd be like oh he's PRETENTIOUS. lol ok. he's a senior in high school, of course he sometimes acts like he knows everything. why do you act like he's a lost cause? i could also tell that there must've been some personal jealousy in there bc his brother was kind of the "more accomplished" sibling, did better in school, that sort of thing. i don't know what it's like to be an older sibling or to feel like you're living in the shadow of a sibling, especially a younger one, because i've always kind of been on a different path than any of my siblings/there hasn't really been a sense of competition between us. i would try to give him the benefit of the doubt and be like "well i guess i really don't know what that's like" because you CAN'T assume. i give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt and i try to take people, especially when they're being vulnerable with me, at their word, which is exactly how i got so involved with this guy and ended up being so used by him and under his thumb. horrible. he's a monster. anyway.

and whenever i'd be like "well he's just a kid" to every negative thing he'd say about his little brother, that's when he'd dismiss the subject and stop talking about it. and this isn't something that came up a couple of times but came up a LOT. he'd shit talk his brother to me at least several times a week, always unprompted, because why would i wanna hear someone badmouth a teenager? and it'd always be the pettiest shit. one time he even told me that he noticed his brother didn't come home last night and he didn't know where he was and i was like "oh my god is he ok? that's terrifying" and it's like he did that just so he could tell me "no i don't really care honestly. the two of us aren't close." it's like he wasn't just not-close with this kid but he was obsessed with hating him.

not only did his reasons never seem to satisfy me, but he never seemed to acknowledge that his little brother shared all of the traumas and adverse experiences he grew up with, the discrimination he faced and the familial trauma and the structures of abuse he would tell me about from his parents. he would mention how these are all the problems and the reasons he can't trust people and why he's so fucked up but he didn't seem to have any patience or empathy for someone younger than him brought up in the same exact environment. it's like he wanted his brother to always just fuck off and die.

none of this made any sense to me, it was if anything the BIGGEST sense of confusion i had with him for a long time because i dismissed all the ways he was cruel to *just me* until i started picking up all his patterns and realizing this all WASN'T just how he treats me. HE is the problem; HE is this entitled and controlling and nasty and manipulative towards everyone; HE has no self-awareness or regard for other people. it's not just ME not having the guts to stand up for myself when he made me feel uncomfortable or when i'd feel disrespected by something he said to/about me. he would know when he was saying something unacceptable or losing his temper; he did it with other people all the time. but he isolated and then lovebombed me so hard that i didn't see that this WAS how he treated everyone, but he made me in particular his prey because i was a trusting and trustworthy stranger, rather than someone who had seen him behave in such a way towards other people and could make the informed choice to stay away from him. it was never JUST ME but how could i have known that?? how?? i didnt know anything about his life except what he'd tell me, and he was actively sucking me away from all parts of my life he wasn't involved in, and/or forcing his way into them. there was no space between him and me; my life became his because he hijacked it and then forced me to do all his emotional labor and solve all his problems so i'd hardly have any energy to face my own.

anyway. yeah. it all made MUCH more sense when i realized HE is the problem between him and his brother. that didn't stick out as a red flag because again i'm trusting and i accept all these hypothetically broken or damaged familial relationships people have. HE really wanted me to hate this teenager for no good reason, like he wanted me to hate everyone else in his life that he'd ever decide to cast as a villain. i never understood why the teenage boy. never understood it. i'm like he's just a boy. OH but you're an awful horrible jerk who can't get along with anyone for longer than 2 minutes before you try and take control of everything about them and then lash out if they try to assert their independence. OOOHHH ok i get it now that makes sense. because that's what you've been doing to me all this time ohhh i get it.

[roseadleyn]

Mutual Incorrect Quotes

--

(writing this for the seventh time since Tumblr keeps deleting it-- I hate you Tumblr for deleting the original)

--

@mysticmeena: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we keep in our house and I'm letting them know that it's private information.

@fuoon: This literally just says 'fuck around and find out'.

-

@elychee: I lost Sidra.

@loekas: How did you lose Sidra?!

@elychee: To be fair, Sidra is very small.

-

@d10nsaint: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

@roseadleyn: Does anyone in this godforsaken house think before they speak?

-

@elychee: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

@sidra-29: Throw rocks at he.

@cerisearan: Kill him.

@mysticmeena: Hot Dogs.

@elychee: ...Thanks guys.

-

@that-one-pretty-bitch: He died of natural causes.

@writerinthedeepwoods: Jacqueline, you pushed him off a building.

@that-one-pretty-bitch: Gravity is natural.

-

@loekas: I just had a long talk with Solei and Brooke about hitting each other and now they're yelling 'It's my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence!' before hitting each other.

-

@mysticmeena: I just want to live through one week without Brooke reciting a new verse of 'I Didn't Start The Fire'.

-

@giyuus0nlywife: Brooke's in the kitchen.

@d10nsaint, reading the recipe: 'Beat three eggs', in what, hand to hand combat?

@roseadleyn: GET HER OUT.

-

@giyuus0nlywife: The ocean is a soup.

@dxmoness: ...Do elaborate.

@giyuus0nlywife: What things are needed in a soup?

@dxmoness: Erm, water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer meat in mine.

@giyuus0nlywife: The ocean is a soup.

@dxmoness: The ocean is a soup.

-

@elychee: Ah, I feel refreshed! Did you guys sleep well?

@rouecentric:

@d10nsaint:

@rouecentric: Well, my eyes closed for a little bit yesterday.

-

@cerisearan: I drink to forget but I always remember.

@dion-s-lawyer: Mhm.. you're drinking orange juice.

-

@d10nsaint: We have a problem.

@dion-s-lawyer: No, you have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

-

@rouecentric: Why don't humans have a specific sound that means 'there are bees here, let's leave immediately.' Why are elephants more advanced than us.

@loekas: We do have a specific sound for it. It sounds like this:

@loekas: 'There are bees here, let's leave immediately.'

-

@dxmoness: Hey, can you recommend me a book that can make me cry?

@izumi-astra-123: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

(no offense to @elychee and everyone else who likes / enjoys math <3)

-

@writerinthedeepwoods: I wish I was a dinosaur.

@izumi-astra-123: Why, because they're big and scary?

@writerinthedeepwoods, deadpan: Because they're dead.

-

@iwanttosleepforever1: I am going to need you to swear-

@that-one-pretty-bitch: Fuck.

@iwanttosleepforever1: ...swear as in promise.

-

@fuoon: Do you even know what an amulet is?

@iwanttosleepforever1: Of course I do! I even eat amulets sometimes. I like the ones with cheese and onions.

@fuoon: Those are omelettes.

@iwanttosleepforever1: Oh. Then I've got nothing.

-

I'll make a part two since the tag limit for this post has been reached! I'm so so sorry if I forgot anyone, I tried to include everyone I could remember, please remind me if I forgot!

oh yes, this is one of two gifts for new year :)

-

[desiredmalfoy]

Sometimes Its Too Late (Past Fred x Reader)

House: For the reader to decide

Pairings: Past Fred x Reader , Draco x Reader

Universe: Not canon!

Warning: Talks about cheating (it’s not okay) and some mild bad words. 

Word Count: 4.3k

Part 3 of the Dear Malfoy Series [Part 1] [Part 2]

So I did a little history to how Draco and the reader know each other. Just to add a bit to the story. This is not edited! I apologize but it was an 11 page doc and I was just excited to post.

Your new friendship with Draco Malfoy was complicated. She had known him from previous events she was forced to accompany her parents to. Her dad was the Head of Magical Games and Sports. His work often required him to interact with other top ministry officials, including Lucius Malfoy. But they weren’t close to the Malfoys, nowhere near it. Her family’s ideology differed greatly from that of the Malfoy’s. So most of her interactions with Draco were a smile and a nod at the events they both were forced to go. Draco had always been a very private person who tended to enjoy his own company. That only increased during her first year when she immediately became friends with Harry, Ron & Hermione. It seemed to (y/n) that Draco was hurt about Harry rejecting his offer of friendship and wanted to make his years at Hogwarts miserable. The Golden Trio quickly became the three people that Draco could not stand. He was never mean to her the same way he tortured the other three. He made snarky remarks to her on occasions but she could deal with them. Which is why she tended to ignore him at all costs. To her, it was better to not give him the satisfaction of seeing her upset. They had never been on the best terms because of his treatment of her friends. This is why his newfound kindness made (y/n) dwell on his true intentions.�� 

While she had dinner with Draco, he extended the offer for any other meal. She had actually enjoyed the company of the Slytherin Prince for dinner. They made small talk about their classes. It didn’t go unnoticed to either of them that not only were her friends looking at her, but others around the hall were too. Probably gossiping about how Draco Malfoy and (Y/N) (Y/L/N) Harry Potter’s Friend were sitting together. The feud and mutual dislike the two boys had between each other was greatly known to everyone at the school. She knew they were going to definitely be the talk of the school. 

“Thank you so much for letting me sit with you Draco”, (y/n) said as she started to get up to make her way out there.

“It’s not a problem”, he answered simply as he too got up from his spot. “Let me walk out with you. I don’t they’ll follow you if they see you with me.”

She simply nodded at him and started to make her way out of the hall. She couldn’t bring herself to look back where she knew her friends were looking at her. They had been constantly looking toward her most of the evening. She just wanted this day to be over. They ended up walking to her common room in peaceful silence. 

“You know we’ll be all they’ll be talking about”, she said out of nowhere. 

“You know the people here can’t avoid good gossip”, Draco responded. “Everyone here is always so bloody interested in the life of others because they have nothing going for them.”

“Bloody pathetic if you ask me.”

(Y/N) let out a small laugh at his comments. “I can agree with that.”

Draco only laughed lightly while nodding at her. If you would’ve told her she would actually be having a civil conversation with Malfoy, she would’ve laughed right in your face. Because of how ridiculous that sounded, bloody hell it would’ve sounded ridiculous just yesterday morning. 

----

(Y/N) thought she had done a pretty good job at avoiding her friends for the past couple of days. During meals, she’d sit with Draco. Sometimes his friends would join them. Blaise Zabini being surprisingly pleasant company to her while Pansy Parkinson wasn’t the nicest. But that’s something she already knew. She made small snide remarks to her but she would always shut her mouth when Draco would send her a glare. Luckily she only had to deal with Parkinson during the meals she would show up to. 

By now the school had known that she and Fred were over. That and her new “blooming” friendship with Draco was all others could talk about. Some students guessed that she had dumped Fred for Draco. She had overheard Lavender Brown talking with Parvati Patil about how you were the one who had cheated on Fred with Draco.  

“She got caught snogging Malfoy in an empty classroom by some second-year student.” 

“Merlin, she's so pathetic. She really left Fred for that snake.”

“I know! I mean what can you expect from her type…”

She shut her mouth real quick when she noticed you were listening to their remarks. But not only were you ready to confront them; you also didn’t notice Draco standing a few feet behind you sending the girls a glare. Their odds of coming out of this unharmed were not looking good at all. Lavender grabbed Parvati’s hand and quickly made their way down the hallway. 

You wished people would just mind their damn business. She should’ve just stayed in her dorm but she had a big test coming up.

With a big Transfiguration test upcoming, there was no avoiding the fact that (y/n) needed to go study at the library. There was no way she was going to fail this test. Screw Fred Weasley. (Y/N) clutched her books tightly and kept walking toward the library. She was still thinking about the comments made by the two girls when she ran into Angelina Johnson down the hall with a few other quidditch players, including Fred and George. They were laughing and he looked like nothing had happened or that it had really affected him at all. 

She had to walk past them in order to get to the library and she knew this wasn’t going to be pretty. Just looking at him so carefree made her want to burst into tears right in the hallway. You couldn’t get more pathetic than her. Crying over a boy who doesn’t even care about you. She tried her best to just walk past them as if she hadn’t just been staring at them from down the hallway. She had finally made it past them when she closed her eyes for a couple of seconds to try and regain her composure and hopefully get rid of this horrible headache she was feeling. She heard someone call her name from behind her. 

“Fancy seeing you around these halls”, George said to her as she turned around to face him. “I don’t see your new friends nearby.”

“Who”, she questioned him. She obviously knew who he was talking about but wanted to play dumb to his comments.

“Malfoy, Zabini, and Parkinson”, he answered. “I never really took you as the type to be their friend.”

“First of all, Pansy is definitely not my friend”, you responded with an eye roll. “I don’t know what to truly call Draco and Blaise.”

“Oh? You’re on first name bases now”, George responded with an eyebrow raise. 

“Well maybe if my real friends had told me my boyfriend was cheating on me then I would actually talk to them.”

People were starting to stare at you in the hallway, interested in what was being said between the two of you. Fred and Angelina were a bit behind George watching on tensely. 

“Look, I’m sorry abo-”

“No, if you were really my friend you would’ve said something. It doesn’t matter if he was your brother.”

“So you don’t get to come to me and try to judge me on who I talk to.”

Before George can say another word someone behind him spoke up. You thought it was the coward of your ex but instead it was his new girlfriend. 

“Can we please speak somewhere else”, Angelina said behind him. (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the girl who had caused their pathetic love triangle. Can’t be in a love triangle if you’ve already been dumped.

“I really don’t want to talk to you and I definitely don’t want to go anywhere with you.”

“I just really need to tell you that we didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh really”, you answered mockingly. She probably sounded immature but you weren’t looking to be the bigger person anymore. “You two sure have a funny way of showing that.”

“Look, I’m sorry for hurting you. But things just happen sometimes.”

“Really? Because I could think of many ways this could’ve ended better”, (y/n) sneered with an eye roll.

They all stayed quiet, letting you keep on on speaking.

“But you know what’s funny? You knew we were dating and you went along with it. That just shows how pathetic you truly are.”

Before Angelina could answer her back with her own remark, two familiar faces walked through the group of students who had formed around them.

“What’s going on here”, Hermione questioned you and Angelina who were now standing face to face. 

“Nothing Granger”, Angelina said with an eye roll as she still looked at you. She looked between you and the girls before making her way out of the crowd of people. Fred followed right behind her while George kept looking between the two of you before following them out. The group of onlookers started to finally walk away from the situation leaving her with Hermione and Ginny.

Why can’t she catch a break? Merlin why is she being punished? 

“Don’t you dare run away from us (y/n) (y/l/n)”, Hermione said as she stood firmly in front of her. Ginny right next to Hermione, in an attempt to block her way. Hermione really sounded like her mother sometimes.

“We want to talk to you,” Ginny said as she gently reached for (y/n) hand. “But not here, too many nosy gits here.”

“Let’s go to my dorm”, Hermione suggested as one of the many perks of being a prefect was her own dorm. At this point (y/n) had yet to say a word to them but let them drag her to Hermione’s room. The walk to the dorm was pretty quiet, knowing that if she spoke right now she would more than likely burst into tears. Walking into the dorm, she took her usual spot on the end of the bed. 

“What happened between you and Fred”, Hermione questioned you as she sat next to you.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“He told us you broke up. But that’s all really”, Ginny answered as she wrapped her arms around (y/n)’s shoulders.

“Did he tell you we broke up because I caught him with Angelina Johnson in his dorm”, (y/n) said as she felt the tears starting to come out. 

“Is that why you were speaking to her in the hallway?”

“Are you serious”, Hermione exclaimed. “He did not mention that part! What a prat!”

“Oh, I am definitely going to go find him and hex him now.”

“Ginny! Wait a second”, (y/n) called after her friend and grabbed her hand before she went too far.

“I can’t believe I forgot you! Of course you should hex him too! Let’s go (y/n), we got to find him before curfew. Hermione can be our alibi.”

“No, I don’t want you to get in any trouble.”

“Don’t worry, mum isn’t going to be mad when she finds out why we hexed him. Mum would probably send him a howler giving him an earful.”

“As much as I would love to also hex Fred Weasley, we can’t Ginny”, Hermione stated sternly at the girls. She then turned to you and placed her hands on your shoulders. “What I want to know is what were you doing with Draco Malfoy!”

“He offered me a seat with him. I didn’t want to sit at my usual spot because I didn’t want to make things awkward. It just kind of went from there and I just kept sitting with him”

“Awkward how”, Ginny questioned you.

“Well, he’s your brother and I thought you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore if you saw we broke up. I thought being there would make things worse.”

“It doesn’t matter that he’s my brother. He’s the one in the wrong here and it doesn’t change the fact that you’re our friend.”

“That’s true (y/n)! We love you and care about you. Please don’t ignore us. But that still doesn’t explain Malfoy.”

“Well, he found me at the astronomy tower crying after it had happened. We talked and he wasn’t a complete git to me.”

“Are we talking about the same Draco? Draco Malfoy?”

“Yes”, (y/n) said with a small laugh. Feeling the relief of having her friends by her side. 

“Maybe he hit his head and forgot how much of a prat he is?”

This only caused the three of them to burst into laughter. It was good to have her friends with her again.

-------

The gray sky was a reflection of every thought storming in her brain. 

She didn’t really want to be at this quidditch match at all but Ginny and Hermione had convinced her to come out. She knew it had been three weeks since she found Angelina and George in his dorm but that type of pain doesn’t just disappear. She had been sitting in the quartyard with Draco earlier in the day, when she had mentioned coming to the game with Ginny and Hermione. She knew it was a long shot but she decided to invite him.

“Have you lost it”, he answered teasingly. “Why would I go to a quidditch game and sit in the Gryffindor section?”

“Why not”, she asked him with a pout.

“Because I don’t have a death wish (y/n). Plus if I don’t exactly want to go out in the hands of some Gryffindor.”

“You’re so dramatic Draco”, (y/n) laughed at his usual antics. Getting to know him more and more made her realize he wasn’t all that bad. “I forgot the Slytherin Prince can’t be anywhere near there.”

She only agreed to come to this blasted game only because she was dragged here by Hermione. Luna had joined them along for the game. She was honestly only here to cheer for Ginny if she was being honest. She had been watching quidditch for years but she still was confused on what was even going on. She simply cheered for Ginny or when the rest of the section went crazy. The game went by quickly with Hufflepuff in the lead but soon Gryffindor caught up and completely dominated the game. It wasn’t long before Harry had caught the golden snitch on his grasp. He lifted it up triumphantly in the air. As everyone was celebrating the big win for Gryffindor against Hufflepuff, the teams came back on the ground.

That’s when Fred kissed Angelina. He kissed her in front of everyone. 

Y/N could feel the pity glances being thrown her way. She felt dozens of eyes on her, awaiting her reaction to the scene unfolding before her. She could feel her chest tighten as she tried to maintain her composure. She made eye contact with Hermione who was looking at her with sympathy pity in her eyes. Y/N looked away from Hermione and turned her attention to the dull gray sky. 

“Are you alright”, Luna questioned next to her. Luna’s soft touch on her shoulder brought her back to reality. She had forgotten she was even next to Luna. 

“Yeah”, (y/n) breathed out. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“Heartbreak takes time to heal. It’s okay to still be hurt”, Luna whispered to her as she gave her hand a small squeeze. 

“Thank you Luna”, she responded with a small smile. It didn’t exactly make her feel better but she was glad she cared for her. “I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

She didn’t give much time for Luna to respond before she made a quick exit out of the Gryffindor section. She needed to get away from here. She walked and kept on walking before she ended up in a random hallway in the castle. She didn’t even know where she was. 

Just then (y/n) slid down and sat against the wall of the hall. She started to cry at what she had witnessed on the quidditch pitch. She shouldn’t even be crying over someone not worth her tears. She hated that she still felt hurt over Fred. The betrayal of someone she loved and trusted still burned deep in her chest. She should be over him, she should not even care what he does. 

(Y/N) hated that they could just flaunt their relationship like it was nothing. Like if she wasn’t the collateral damage of them. She hated the pity looks she got from others. Everyone knew by now what had happened...that she wasn’t good enough to be loved by him. 

She heard footsteps come her way. She tried to wipe away her tears, not trying to be caught like this. She probably looked so bloody pathetic right now. When she looked up from the floor, she saw it was Draco. He shows up at the most convenient times. 

“What’s wrong”, Draco said as he made his way toward her. Once he was in front of her, he knelt down to be able to speak to her at eye level.

“I hate him”, (y/n) said simply. “I hate that he could do all that to me and just move on like nothing.” 

Draco looked into her (y/e/c) eyes waiting for her to continue. 

“He kissed her in front of everyone after the game.”

“I hate all the pity looks from everyone in this school.” 

“He’s a git that never deserved you”, Draco said to her as he offered her a hand to get off from the floor. (Y/N) looked at his hand and accepted the gesture from him. He helped her stand up from the worn out floor.

“Thank you for being here for me this past few weeks”, (y/n) said as she looked up at him. “You’ve surprised me Malfoy.”

“Gee..thanks (y/l/n)”, Draco responded with a playful eye roll. 

“I know we never were really friends, but you’ve been here for me and I really appreciate it.”

“Oh, so we’re definitely friends now”, Draco jokes with an eyebrow raise.

“Hey! I take back my friendship then Malfoy”, you laughed as you playfully smack his arm.

“You’re not allowed to take it back”, he said with a smile. 

Before she knew it, Draco had engulfed her in a hug. He snaked his arms tightly around her figure. (Y/N) wrapped her hands around Draco’s waist as she buried her head into his chest. She could feel Draco stroke her hair gently. 

Lost in the comfort of Draco’s arms, (y/n) ignored the world around her. All she could concentrate on was his soft touch and how he smelled like expensive cologne, green apples, and mint. 

What she failed to realize was that a few seconds after, Fred and George entered the same hallway. 

But Draco did notice this. 

They stopped for a couple of seconds to look at them. Draco noticed that Fred’s glare lingered on them as George continued to walk away pulling his brother along. He could only throw his signature Malfoy smirk. 

------

The more time you spent with Draco the harder you fell for him. And it scared you a lot. Last time you fell this hard for someone was when you were dating Fred. You didn’t want to get your heart broken again but you were definitely head over heels for him. You felt butterflies in your stomach every time he looked at you or when he would laugh at your silly jokes. He was even trying (like really really trying) to be nicer to your friends. He was more civil with Hermione and Ginny but still a little hesitant with Ron and Harry. At least the three of them weren’t trying to constantly hex each other anymore. Ginny had even once gone as far as to joke with you that if all it took for him to be nice was to be around you, she herself would’ve set you up with him. Although she and Ron had a running theory that Draco was replaced by someone nicer, something that you could only laugh at when mentioned.

Hermione and Ginny were convinced that he had a crush on you as well. But you were still afraid that those feelings weren’t mutual. What you didn’t see were the glances he always gave you when you didn’t sit with him during meals. You had come up with the solution to sit for breakfast with Ginny, Hermione, Ron and Harry. While during dinner you sat with Draco and Blaise. You were oblivious to the fact that he also felt the same butterflies in his stomach when he spoke to you. Or how he was internally freaking out when you grabbed his hand while the two of you ran to herbology to prevent from being late to class. You thought it was just a friendly gesture for him to help you everyday with potions because of how bad you were at it. But everyone else knew that Draco wouldn’t just help anyone.

The closer you got to Draco the more you fell for him. And the farthest Fred drifted from your mind. Soon, he became nothing more than just another student at Hogwarts to you.

------

The Yule Ball was approaching quickly. Bringing a lot of bitter sweet thoughts to you. It was about to be a year since Fred had asked you to be his date and later his girlfriend. The dance was only a week away and you had yet to find a date. Going solo wouldn’t be so bad but having a date would be more ideal. 

It was Saturday, just like every other Saturday since she got to Hogwarts, she sat under her favorite tree near the Black Lake with her current book. She was currently reading a book about a tragic love story between two star crossed lovers. She was a sucker for these types of books.

Engrossed in her book, she didn’t notice Fred come to her until he cleared his throat. If she never had to speak to Fred Weasley another day in her life, she would have been nothing but happy about it. Well sometimes you don’t always get what you would like. 

“What do you want Weasley”, she sneered at her ex. “I was enjoying my time alone.”

“Look I’m not here to argue. I want to talk civilly with you”, Fred said pleadingly. He looked at her with the same stare he had the night she had caught them.

“Then talk”, you answered with a shoulder shrug. You put your book down and stood up so that you were face to face with him.

“I’m so sorry for all the hurt I caused you. I really am (y/n). I regret it so much.”

“A little late with that apology Weasley.”

“I know but I miss you (y/n). I miss you everything about you. I was so confused and I let it get the best of me. But I realize now that it’s always been you.”

“Look Fred, I do-”, you spoke before he quickly cut you off. He was closing the gap in between the two of you. She could feel his intense gaze on her even though she was looking out towards the lake. 

“I mean it darling. I miss you and I need you back.” He placed one of his hand on her upper arm and the other on her cheek. 

“No Fred! You don’t just get to waltz back into my life after breaking my heart.” You said as you removed his hand from your cheek. 

“I’m really sorr-”

“You don’t just get to put me on the sideline until you decide if you actually loved me or her. I deserve much more than that.”

“I’m not going to stand by like some idiot waiting for you to come back to me. I maybe would’ve been stupid to take you back before, but not anymore.”

“We can work through it”, he tried to plead with her. “I will do anything to gain your trust back.”

“It’s too late for that Fred”, she said simply as she grabbed his other hand to remove it from her upper shoulder.

“Let go of my girlfriend”, Draco's voice boomed as he made his way toward them. Both she and Fred turned to the blonde making his way angrily toward them. Fred’s grasp was still firm on her arm. 

“I said let go Weaslebee”, Draco snapped as he pulled his hand away from your arm. Once Fred’s hold on her was gone, Draco pulled her behind him.

“Girlfriend? Are you seriously going out with Malfoy”, Fred asked you with shock all over his face. He looked at you hoping that you would tell him that Draco was lying.

“Yes, he’s my boyfriend”, you answered him while looking up at Draco. Your hand now firmly around his bicep.  

“Are you serious (y/n)?” He asked once again, praying you’d say that it was all a joke.

“I am Fred. I meant it when I said we were over for good.”

Without saying anything anymore, he walked away from the two of you. He was clearly heartbroken but you really didn’t care anymore. Maybe now he’ll know how you felt. You turned again to look at Draco who was looking down at you with a silly grin on his face. “You know you never asked me to be your girlfriend.”

“Sorry about that. I saw you talking to him and that’s the first thing that came to mind.” You could see the pink starting to tint his porcelain skin. 

“Well, I’m not saying I am opposed to it. But you should definitely take me on a date before.”

A genuine smile, that you had grown to completely adore, grew on his face. “Well, how does the Yule Ball sound? I promise I had a better way planned to ask you.”

“When were you planning on doing that”, you questioned him. “The dance is only a few days away. Someone could’ve totally swept me off my feet and asked me?”

“Not really, not after I had Goyle and Crabbe stop anyone thinking about asking you”, he joked. Well you hoped he was joking because knowing him…

“You’re something else Malfoy.”

“But you like me.”

“Yeah, I guess I actually really do like you.”

Unknown to you, that was the very moment Fred had realized he had totally screwed up and truly lost you. Something he’d never forgive himself for.

OMG this is was big one to write! I had so much I wanted to include but I decided to leave those ideas for separate writings. There is still one more part to this. It’s a Fred POV. Let me know if you would like to be tagged when I post it.

Tag List: @philsloveycacti @thecrazytealady @impossibelle @stuckindilemma @idkmanicantenglish @28cnn @bettysgardenswift @crazyjuly @alluringshawn @britishspidey @emmamarie7708 @slytherinambitious @loostssoul @bellaiscool @cherrytomato2 @lindsaytriestowrite @famdomhideout @mina-kimi @loveforreading @legili-mens @keepsmilingandstayhappy

If your name is crossed out, I wasn’t able to tag you. 

Reminder: None of my work can be reposted anywhere. It doesn’t matter if you give credit, please do not repost!

[starkerscoop]

A Blessing in Disguise

I am very excited to announce that this fic now has a Russian translation! I posted this in October on my old blog, and in honor of having a translation recently written for it, I’ve decided to repost it onto this one!

ao3  

Russian translation   

content warnings: discussion of abortion, issues with body image and self-esteem, pregnancy, non-graphic birth

-

Two red lines stared back at him, the image burning itself into his brain. A sudden wave of dizziness washed over him and he stumbled to the ground, too dazed to catch himself. He couldn’t believe that this was happening.

He was pregnant.

He was pregnant, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it, too disoriented at the moment to really tell. He was in his mid-twenties; in his prime and at the perfect age to start making pups, according to society.

But Peter didn’t think he was ready. Of course, the Omega in him had yearned quietly for pups ever since he started going through puberty, but Peter’s priority had always been to make a name for himself in science. He wanted to get his PhD and go on to make revolutionary discoveries; to pave the way for all Omegas and prove that his secondary gender couldn’t hold him back. For years, he’d been competing with Alphas, constantly trying to prove his worth. He couldn’t let all of that go down the drain for a pup.

There was Tony to think about, too. Peter had no idea if he would want to be a father, and he was too terrified to imagine his reaction to the news. He toyed briefly with the idea of not telling him, but that thought was quickly pushed out of his brain.

Tony deserved to know, and Peter had to tell him soon; soon enough that he could still get an abortion, if that was what he wanted.

A knock on the bathroom door brought him out of his thoughts.

“Baby?” Tony mumbled tiredly, voice laced with the thickness of sleep. “Are you going to bed soon? You’ve been in there for a while.”

Peter stashed the cluster of pregnancy tests in the back of the cabinets below the sink. He would have to remember to get rid of those the next day, before Tony could find them. Another knock had him rushing to stand up and wash his face, clearing it of his silver tear tracks.

“Pete?” Tony called, louder now and with more concern, still waiting for a response. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Peter answered, unlocking the door and stepping out of the bathroom.

Tony hadn’t finished scanning him for signs of harm when his nose picked up on the distress radiating from Peter’s body. It was a bitter scent; one that itched at Tony’s instincts, making him want to replace it with something more cheerful at once.

“What’s wrong?” Tony pulled him into his warm embrace, rubbing his back in small circles that bunched up his shirt.

Peter was tired of living in fear. Even if he’d only known about his pregnancy for all of ten minutes, he didn’t want to keep it from Tony for any longer. They didn’t keep secrets. They worked hard to keep their relationship honest, and Peter wasn’t going to be the one to ruin that.

“I’m pregnant,” Peter blurted out.

Tony’s hands faltered but remained on his back, which Peter took as a good sign. He didn’t dare to look up at his face, keeping his own hidden in the crook of Tony's neck. After a few minutes of mutual silence, the older man’s hands resumed their movements.

“You’re pregnant,” Tony repeated. “Sweetheart, that’s - that’s amazing.”

“You want to keep it?” Peter questioned, voice void of any judgement.

Tony recoiled away from him. “Do you not want to keep it? It’s your choice, of course, I’ll pay for the expenses either way.”

“I don’t know what I want to do,” Peter admitted smally. “I don’t want to give up everything I’ve worked for to stay home and take care of a pup. I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove that Omegas are more than pup-making machines. And now I’m pregnant.”

“You don’t have to give anything up,” Tony said firmly. “You can keep studying for your PhD, and get a job after that. I’ll stay home with the pup.”

Peter finally looked up at him. “You’d be willing to do that? I know it’s not - traditional, for the Alpha to be the one at home.”

“Fuck traditional,” Tony declared. “That’s our whole motto, honey. We don’t have to be traditional. And frankly, being there for my pup is a lot more important to me than what others will think of it.”

Peter beamed and threw himself onto Tony, who caught him and stumbled back a few steps from the force.

They quickly learned that pregnancy was not fun. At all. Peter spent most of the days of his first trimester alternating between clutching a trash can and a toilet seat, heaving up the contents of his stomach. Tony was always by his side, smoothing his hair away from his sweaty forehead and making him meals he could tolerate.

The second trimester was a lot more enjoyable. Peter’s stomach had settled down, for the most part, and started forming into a baby bump. He and Tony had completely opposite reactions to that.

“I’m so fat now,” Peter wailed into his pillow. “My body is ruined. I’m going to look distorted forever.”

Tony was patient with him, though, hiding his own glee until Peter was in a better mood. He thought that pregnancy looked amazing on Peter; he was practically glowing with it.

“You’ll be back in shape in no time, honey,” Tony assured him. “You’re still gorgeous as ever.”

Even more exciting than watching the baby bump grow was finding out the sex of their pup. Peter held Tony’s hand as they waited, shivering at the cool gel slathered on his abdomen. Slower than the couple would’ve liked, the doctor turned the screen to them.

They were having a boy.

Both Tony and Peter cried that day. They invited their friends over to the penthouse and threw a small party, accepting all of the gifts their friends brought with big smiles.

The third trimester, and thus the birth of their pup, arrived a lot faster than they expected. Tony had been at a meeting when Peter’s water broke, the latter of whom was in too much pain to drive himself to the hospital, and hobbled over to the bathtub instead.

“Boss,” FRIDAY interrupted the shareholder speaking unapologetically, “Peter’s water broke and he is now in labor.”

Tony’s face paled in less than two seconds, and he was out of the meeting room in less than one. He instructed FRIDAY to call the doctor and raced into the elevator, urging his AI to take him up to the penthouse faster than was allowed.

He found Peter curled up in the tub with a pained expression, whimpering in between each contraction as it came and went. He crouched next to him and offered him his hand, grimacing at the strength with which he gripped it.

The doctor joined them twenty minutes later with a nurse at her heels, ushering Tony to the side to crouch in between Peter’s open legs.

Tony knew that Peter would pull through. His mate was strong, with a will that matched his own. That didn’t stop him from wincing at every cry that tumbled out of Peter’s lips, or wishing privately that he’d never gotten him pregnant, because that way he wouldn’t be in pain.

Six hours after Peter went into labor, his groans were silenced by the loud cry of his newborn, who had finally come out. He was dirty, looking more like an organ than a human being, but Tony didn’t get to look at him for very long. The nurse whisked the child away while the doctor finished up with Peter.

Tony stayed with Peter, running his fingers gently through his damp curls. “You did it, baby. I’m so proud of you. You did it.”

The nurse returned soon after, the baby now clean and looking considerably more like a human. The baby was handed to Peter, who held him with shaky arms and watched him breathe through bleary eyes.

“Skin on skin contact is important,” the nurse told them, draping a blanket over Peter’s naked chest and the baby.

They moved Peter to the master bedroom, which was where he would spend his recovery. The baby would be there, too, resting in an incubator once he was taken away from Peter.

“What do you want to name him?” Tony wondered, laying on the bed with Peter. He’d insisted on having the incubator placed on his side of the room, so that he could watch over both of the people that owned his heart. Peter hadn’t minded, had just smiled at Tony fondly and nodded.

Tony was glad. If he looked to the left, he saw the love of his life, relaxing after giving birth to the baby boy on Tony’s right. He wanted to keep them close forever.

“Benjamin Anthony Stark,” Peter told him. “After the most important men in my life.”

Tony swallowed harshly. He’d never imagined naming his child after himself, or having someone else want to do so. He didn’t think there was much to live up to. Peter clearly didn’t agree with that, and there was his proof.

“Ben,” Tony whispered to himself, gazing at their little boy.

It sounded perfect.

[the-tiniest-one]

Late Night Office Visit: Confessions of the Copy Ninja

Kakashi X Reader

This is my first post so go easy on me. Its just a little fluffy/smut I wrote while thinking about it. Tell me what you think and thank you so much for reading!

***

Your office is tinted in soft warm light from the small lamp by your desk. A candle burning near your desk is scented for the fall season, October is here in the village and it’s starting to get chilly. You had dressed comfortably for work, an over-sized lavender hoody and long black leggings that covered your socked feet with knitted dark grey boots. Your (h/l,h/c) in a messy bun.

It’s no secret that Kakashi is a man of routine.

 His routine had recently begun to include trips to your office. Usually to tease you. You being a night owl, around 1am like clockwork when he was home from missions, he will indulge in a “random and unplanned”, unannounced visit, usually involving some kind of failed attempt at sneaking in and trying his best at scaring you. You expect his shit by now though. 

During his visit both you and he compete to best the other in a battle of “who can make the other blush” during the private office conversations.

“So why are you always working so late” kakashi asked, wandering around the office, picking up a book from the shelf and thumbing it lazily. “Dont you have a boyfriend to go home to?”

The question was bold.

“No”. A short yet devilishly innocent sounding reply from you, while looking at your mound of papers littering your desk, followed by deafening silence.

“What a shame” Kakashi says almost no variation in tone.

The tension is strangling you. 

Feeling a little bit bold as well, you decide to lay the innocent act on as thick as possible 

“I guess it is a shame. It gets so lonely in my little apartment...If only I had someone to come home to... It’s too bad. I bet you probably have lots of company waiting for you to get home and keep them warm.” you reply with a grin.  

Standing and walking over to the large window Kakashi came into the office through, leaning forward to close it, the cool October air giving you a chill.

Turning around, almost in an instant, Kakashi was behind you. Wrapping both hands in your hair with breath taking tenderness. His lips pressing against yours….expressing desperation and need. You had been dreaming of this moment for months, your tongue pushing through his lips first. Both of you searching for security in each others kiss. 

When he pulled back to look at you, you kept your eyes closed for a moment. savoring the first time. 

The first time that you knew, as silly as it sounded....As much as you hated the idea that you could be so deeply invested before his lips ever touched yours....the first time that the man you could feel in your blood was your perfect match...Your soulmate kissed your lips.

When you did finally open your eyes, the worried look carved across his perfect masked features was too clear. “Was that okay?” he asked, clearly worried to hear the answer.

Without verbally responding, you crashed into his lips again. This time wrapping your legs around his waist and pushing your hands through his unruly hair.

Within seconds your back hit the desk gently, his hands wandering under your hoody. His calloused thumbs running over your nipples, causing you to moan quietly into his open mouth.

His lips left yours quickly finding your jawline, just behind your ear, “I have wanted to kiss you from the instant that I first saw you”. he whispered.

You blushed... “six months does feel like a long time” you respond quietly.

He stops kissing for a moment to look at you inquisitively, (your tits still fully engulfed in his large hands). “6 months?” he asks confused.

“Yeah, when we first met?” You reply slightly embarrassed by his exasperated expression. 

He looks at you with even more embarrassment and his soul bared just under the surface of his clear pretty eyes,

 “Oh, well uh...you see, I was talking about the very first time that I first saw you...like ever ...back at the Academy.” Said Kakashi

“What” you said, thinking back....Kakashi, and the other mutual friends you two shared from his graduating class like Guy and Asuma.... were two years above you. You cant remember ever having seen him at the Academy or even when you and your team had grown and gone on countless missions together. You would remember him, you know it. It wasn't as though he wasn't around...He was just such a private guy (and you were a private girl), and he had spent so many years in the special ANBU division or...away from other people in general. 

Even though you’d never met in person until about 6 months ago, you’d heard of the famous copy ninja almost your whole life. His sinister reputation was known throughout the hidden nations.

“How long?” you ask breathless...nervous to hear the answer.

“Hmmm lets see...I guess it would be the day you graduated from the Academy... I was passing by, headed to turn in a mission report when they posted the list.” he replied in a more confident tone.

“I watched you never stop to check it. You already knew you made it. Everyone else clamoring for a look at the list, and I heard you tell another student...”Im going to become a chunin, then a jonin, then Hokage. To protect the person I love someday”. 

Your stomach did somersaults. You remembered the moment he was quoting..... but as hard as you tried to place him, he wasn’t there in your memory of that day.

 Head spinning... you were an early academy graduate, 8 years old when you made genin. You were 27 now….That means Kakashi Hatake has loved you almost your entire life...without you ever having met you. 

You forced him back down onto your lips while simultaneously unzipping his flack jacket. Then pulling his shirt over his head to reveal his perfect torso.

He undressed you however, much more slow and methodically, only a bra under your hoody, quickly unclasping it and throwing it to the side. Then your leggings, finally while kissing down your neck to your breasts, he pulled your panties off and put them in his pocket.

His mouth making slow circles around your nipples. You noticed how wet you were when his right hand slid from your tits to your hip, then to your slit...he giggled as he quickly fingered and teased the outside of your soaked pussy.

“Please kashi” you gasped, maybe louder than you wanted for the office building you were currently being ravaged in.

His slow kisses moved down to your panty line. Lips dancing along your skin in perfect rhythm with his hands teasing you. 

“Please what?” he asked with an almost stern inflection

At first you didnt reply, only writhing under him.

But the shock of a slap on your inner thigh made you almost scream with desire.

“Please what” he asked again while resuming the kisses to your belly.

Please let me cum you said, almost at a whisper.

Just like that his mouth was on you. Licking your clit at first, an eternity of teasing you nearly to tears. Then he started sucking you with a ferocity that bordered on desperation.

You were a mess. You couldn’t even begin to form coherent thoughts when you felt his tip graze your pussy lips.

“You looked into his eyes, and he waited for confirmation.”

The second you nodded he began. Slowly dipping in and out, first the tip, then slowly incorporating more of himself. Making sure you were comfortably adjusted before adding another half inch or so. The care in which he conducted himself was nothing short of impressive...however it was driving you insane. You needed to be fucked. You wrapped your legs around him, forcing him as deep as he would go, catching him off guard...if only due to his extreme focus on your perfect pussy.

He gasped at the sudden tight warmth around his cock, looking up at you as you rocked your hips to help him along.

It didnt take more than a minute at most before you laced your hand into his…

“Im so close, kashi...can I please cum?”

Surprised and fully turned on by the request, his thumb hit your clit, fast circles helping you along.

“Cum on my cock (y/n). I want your pretty pussy to cum for me”

And like that you snapped, quivering and writhing on your desk while he followed almost immediately, soaking your insides with his hot seed.

You laid motionless, gasping for air and seeing stars….

He kissed your nipples again, still inside you,  making you jump from the overstimulation.

Finally resting on your chest while your hands wandered through his hair.

“I wanted to do that for an eternity” he said still catching his breath.

“Well I let me grant that wish” you say with a giggle. “An eternity it is”.

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Plus One, Ch. 2

Previously on Plus One

It oscillated every other minute between being an amazing idea, but also being the worst idea of all time, and Lexa was mostly exhausted of bouncing back and forth. It might be easier, she decided, if she just got herself on board with it being a good idea, but a deep, gnawing hole seemed to manifest itself in her gut at the very thought of seeing her ex. 

As she went through the motions of finishing the day, of doing inventory because it was Wednesday, Lexa tried not to distract herself with the thoughts of her impending trip. In just forty-eight hours, she’d be face to face with Costia, who she hadn’t seen in months, who she avoided before occasionally running awkwardly into each other at mutual friends’ events. She’d come face to face with her ex who was getting married. 

And she was going to do it with a complete stranger on her arm. 

With a heavy sigh, Lexa tossed her clipboard on her tiny desk in the storage closet and plopped down in the squeaky chair, tipping it back with a wail. Her sister was the worst. 

It was quiet in the shop, closed for just a handful of hours, Lexa always took a day to inventory and repair the damage of the week. She enjoyed the late evening work, when her workers were gone, and the shop was empty and full of dreams. No one knew how the cabinets stayed so clean, or how the scratches on table tops got sanded and fixed, or how the wobbly table by the window was miraculous cured one day, or how the ceiling fans got dusted, just that it all happened, and Lexa was off, meaning she didn’t come in until at least ten, the following morning. 

But Lexa sat in the chair and let her brain do the same mental gymnastics it always seemed to do in the new quiet she found herself craving. She opened her laptop and ignored the awaiting spreadsheet, and instead opted to look over the answer Clarke had given her to the “Know your partner” quiz Clarke googled and made them both do. A mix of basic information and Newlywed Game style innuendos, Lexa filled hers out after a bottle of wine and anxiously waited for Clarke’s. 

That was what started the daydreaming. She scrolled through Clarke’s answers and furrowed, doing her best to memorizing all that she could, as if she’d be tested on it all, as if it’d be impossible to believe she could be happy with someone like Clarke. 

And when those thoughts started to seep into her brain, Lexa leaned back again and dug the tips of her fingers into her eyes. 

In a week it’d be over. 

And with that and a deep, heavy sigh, Lexa looked at the screen again and went about learning Clarke. 

She started professionally, of course, looking at her corporate page and resume, because this was, if not anything, simply a business transaction and Lexa thought it was easier to parse a person if she didn’t actually have to fall for her. 

A graphic designer at Anya’s firm, Clarke held accolades and a long list of references. The link to her work showed a wide range of commercial campaigns and a certain amount of talent evident by her list of upcoming projects. A graduate of a small, private, liberal arts university, her academics leaned heavily scientific, which was a surprise until Lexa read some of the answers in the survey about a degree in physics given up for art. 

Lexa promised that she wouldn’t have looked at Clarke’s Instagram if Clarke hadn’t requested her first. She wasn’t someone who lurked, or at least she thought she wasn’t. She didn’t want to be someone who snuck around, digging through someone’s past, analyzing every filter and caption like a private investigator. But then Clarke appeared. 

And there were pictures of Clarke with friends getting drinks on a rooftop. And then the one with her laughing and baking. Or the Christmas party where she was on a corporate Santa’s lap, smiling so wide her eyes were shut. Despite herself Lexa found herself smiling along with the girl in the pictures. The one who went hiking with a pack of dogs, and the one who seemed to always be eating something. The one who had a lot of friends and enjoyed making them smile and laugh. The girl who posted storie about her morning run, and the girl who seemed to have a healthy work life balance. 

Lexa closed the webpages and stared at her inventory for exactly two seconds before curiosity won again and Lexa started looking at Costia’s account. There were the standard pictures of her pre-wedding planning. There was Costia working out. There was her new bride-to-be, happy and smiling at a gift for her birthday. 

And then a throwback that made Lexa’s stomach drop as she stared at a familiar image of Costia smiling in a bikini on a beach. It was from the last trip they took. Lexa was the one behind the camera. 

Three weeks after that picture was taken, Lexa walked in on Costia and a girl in the middle of the afternoon. Right in their own bed. Only to then discover it’d been going on for months. And it wasn’t the first. And then, Lexa didn’t remember much except that she moved into the apartment above her coffee shop and woke up one morning alone on sheets that weren’t familiar, in a room full of boxes. 

It seemed even more difficult to start inventory after that shot to the gut. 

But her phone went off, and Lexa leaned back in her chair after shutting the laptop again, wondering if that sinking feeling ever went away when it came to someone you love, or loved, or once loved, even for a moment. She didn’t have anything to compare it to, and she didn’t have any idea what love really was. 

It felt like a deep wound was scratched open, the scab pulled back, and a burning numbness gnawing at the bottom of her spine. It felt like it would swallow her whole, and Lexa hated, more than anything, giving anyone the power to do anything as such over her. 

Hey! Do you think this will go with your outfit?

An image came next, of Clarke in a dressing room wearing a very pretty dress, with very messy hair with her tongue sticking out. Lexa didn’t notice the gnawing feeling disappear. 

We don’t have to match completely. 

We do! Don’t you know how to date?

Not really. 

Another picture of another dress came a moment later. Clarke was pretty. She was happy and silly and kind. It felt oddly normal, for as crazy as the whole scheme actually was. 

I like that one, Lexa wrote, making sure to add a heart-eyed emoji to emphasize her point. Maybe that was flirting. Maybe she was allowed. She definitely needed more rules. 

Good, I do too. It matches your tie, you know? And these heels will still leave you a little taller than me. 

Sounds good to me!

Kind of excited. I guess I’ll see you at the airport tomorrow. 

I’ll be the one at the bar. 

I’ve heard it’s possible to find your soulmate at the airport. Something about the crossing of paths and time and space. 

If my soulmate is a bottle of wine, then I reckon I might. 

A love story for the ages. 

Lexa smiled once more at her phone before tossing it to the side and letting her head drop to the desk. With a groan she growled into her hands and broke it down. She just needed to make it seventy-two hours. That was it. She could sleep for about twenty of those. She could drink for another twenty or more, if she really tried. 

But this was it. This was the end. 

And regardless of the weight of everything else, there was something satisfying about knowing it was almost over. 

XXXXXXXXXX

The airport was absolutely teaming with bodies and people, weaving their way through the swelling crowds, loading and unloading the terminals at a constant, steady thumping rate, so regular one could set a watch to the heartbeat of the building. 

Clarke adjusted her bag on her shoulder and tapped the ticket against her thigh as she moved through the security line. The nerves were coming for some reason. That was why she was at the airport three hours before the flight. She was anxious and needed a stiff drink and a few moments to catch her breath. She needed to escape the whirlwind she’d allowed herself to create. 

Carefully, she made her way through the airport, checking the boards and finding her way to a seat in the empty waiting room. Not even an attendant waited at the kiosk. 

Once again, she let herself awkwardly scroll on her phone, learning everything she could about her future date and weekend plans. 

Lexa was nearly non-existent online. She didn’t have any pictures of herself. She rarely posted anything on her personal account, and when she did, it was just a book or a coffee or from a trip. She wasn’t one to enjoy being the center of attention, but when it came to her shop, she made sure to post almost daily, highlighting her employees and their recommendations, she made share to highlight events, she made sure to be as active as possible. 

Anya had already warned Clarke that her sister was devoted to her work. She’d poured all of her effort into being successful and part of the community, and Clarke admired it, she just wished that there was more for her to see. 

And so, once more, she flipped back to the long line of questions they’d filled out before giving up and gazing out the window at the planes coming and going. 

For a moment, she allowed herself to think that she was doing something nice and good. It was an act of charity. It was the shake up Clarke needed and was selfishly trying to package as benevolent. 

“You beat me, and I’m usually the first one here for a flight,” Lexa observed, walking up to Clarke, stealing her from her reverie. 

“I like airports. Just waiting for true love to stroll up and introduce themselves.”

Lexa shoved her hands in her pockets, her bag balanced on her shoulder as she cautiously looked around, surveying the empty terminal slowly. Clarke watched her look around, smiled at the innocence of it. Enjoyed the way she ran her hand through her hair, mussing it up a bit and tossing it to another side. 

“No one likes airports,” Lexa shook her head before taking the seat beside her. 

“I do. They’re romantic.” 

“Romantic?” 

“You can get onto a plane, and a few hours later, you’re hundred of miles away, and it’s different weather, and it’s a different time zone. You can go to sleep in a different state. How can you not be romantic about that.”

“It’s a tin can filled with recycle air.” 

“But there are peanuts.” 

That did it. Lexa cracked a smile to herself and relaxed a little. 

“I was going to be the first one here. Surprise you with coffee, but you beat me to it.” 

“You are quite a good girlfriend. Someone clearly trained you well.” 

Lexa shook her head, somewhat bashful, somewhat reserved. There was always something right there, just below the surface, obfuscated by a kind of resolve to never give anything away, not at any price. Clarke read it between words in their texts and emails, a glaring finality in the simple pixel of a period. 

“Can I get you a coffee? Two creams, two sugar right?”

“You don’t have to--”

“It’s early and I’m trying to be charming. Allow me to somewhat repay you for this whole endeavour.”

“Sounds good. Thanks, darling.” 

With the term of endearment, Lexa nodded, grinning into her chest as she stood and made her way across the terminal in search of sustenance. Clarke watched her take out her phone, texting her sister no doubt. 

Once more, Clarke resumed the digging on her own, scrolling on her own phone at old pictures on Lexa’s profile. She was ready for fun, and she was ready to crack at that facade. 

“I don’t know if this will help,” Lexa sighed as she sat down. “I didn’t sleep a wink last night.” 

“Oh this won’t be good for me either,” Clarke said as she took a sip. “I’m a fairly nervous flyer.”

“And yet you let me get us both coffee.” 

“You made a good point, and I’m prepared to be paid back all weekend.” 

With another grin, Lexa leaned back, her arm going on the back of the chair that Clarke inhabited, naturally, with ease, with a level of comfort. 

“Are you ready to tell me the story?” 

“Which one is that?” Clarke turned to look at her date, returned from an absent moment. 

“How we met.” 

“How we met,” she nodded, her smile bordering on mischievous. “That’s simple. Don’t you remember? It was a very blustery Tuesday, and I was trying to escape the wind and rain. I almost tripped coming into your coffee shop, but you happened to be sweeping, and were kind enough to catch me.”

“You’re severely overestimating my reflexes.” 

“Fine. I ran you over and we both ended up on our asses in the middle of the coffee shop. Coffee everywhere.” 

“Sounds pretty likely.” 

“And I knew right there, I was hooked. Those eyes, all angry and annoyed at me for not looking where I was going, despite my persistent defense that I’d been assaulted by the weather.” 

“Why do I have to be the angry one?” 

“Wouldn’t you be though?” Clarke returned, daring her to be contradicted.

“Maybe,” Lexa agreed over the lid of her cup, fretting with it nervously. 

“So I crashed into you, and you bought be a coffee. I turned up every day after that until I finally asked you out. You took longer than I would have liked to answer me, but I accepted it anyway, and we’ve been madly in love ever since.” 

“And when was this?” 

“About eight months ago.” 

“How’s it going so far?” 

“Splendidly. I’ve already met your sister, who it happens that I work with, which is super convenient for everyone.” 

Quietly, Lexa sat there, going over the story, going over all of the past eight months of apparent bliss in her head. Clarke watched her furrow before softening, her eyes not seeing, but rather looking through the window as a plane took off and another landed. The softening of her features was soon met with a perplexion, a slight, gentle contortion of the brow and the lips, a tightening as a kind of confusion overtook the ease of the entire story. 

“Is it that easy?” Lexa asked quietly, turning her head toward her date. Clarke cocked her head, waiting for more. “Is all of it… just… a wind? Waiting for someone to just ask you out? Is it that easy? Does that happen to people?” 

“It can. How does anything happen in the world? It just… does. The universe is just a series of things happening, all of the time, right?”

“But is it that easy?”

To her credit, Clarke thought about it. She flexed her jaw and took a deep breath before slowing letting it go as she wondered if it really was. 

“I don’t know. Maybe it can be.” 

“How?”

“I guess there has to be a balance to making things happen and letting things happen.” 

“I don’t know if I’m good at either of those things,” Lexa confessed. She sat up straighter a moment later, afraid of her honesty, and surprised more by how easily it came out. 

“I think you can be.”

“That’s probably too kind.” 

“We’ll see.” 

Clarke rubbed Lexa’s shoulder, rubbed the middle of her back between her shoulder blades until she reached the collar of her shirt, where she massaged her neck. She tensed before relaxing, and Clarke didn’t stop, just rubbed there gently, slowly until she knew it was enough and she trailed her palm back toward the seat. 

It was right there, they just didn’t know it.

[friendly-philosopher]

Forbidden Feelings and Hidden Corners: Draco Malfoy X Reader

Finally! I've posted this for your request! Thanks for requesting. I don't know if this was what you expected, but I hope you'd like it. Happy reading!

"I am asking you for the final time boy! If you don't accept the mark from the dark lord, I'll have to find ways to make you accept it." The Lestrange woman sneered at her nephew.

Narcissa Malfoy stood hidden in the darkest corner of the room, blending with the darkness, making Draco doubt if she was really there. He knew she wanted to help him, but the wizarding laws, the wedding laws, and the way she was brought up made her unable to speak against her sister who was obsessed with the dark lord, nor her husband who had his arms crossed, staring at his son, who had become the biggest disgrace to the Malfoy bloodline, with disgust.

"Are you taking it or not?" Bellatrix snapped once again.

Draco let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes. The moment he did, all he could remember was her – his sunshine.

He could remember all the beautiful memories with her. Her stunning smile, her radiant face, her ethereal beauty, her angelic laugh, her soft kisses, everything about her, only her!

He remembered how she would interlock her fingers with his. He remembered how she would cuddle with him. He remembered how she would run her fingers through his hair. He remembered how she would hug him from behind, announcing her presence. He remembered how she would make him lay his head on her stomach, hugging him and falling asleep on the couch. He remembered how she would hold him, when everything became too much for him to handle. He remembered how she would hint soft kisses on his head, forehead, nose and finally his lips. He remembered how they both would spend their nights in the astronomy tower, star-gazing.

Finally, he remembered the way she would mumble "I love you"s in between the kisses. Now, he wished he could have told it back to her. He had always been a very private person, building walls. She was the first one to break many of those walls. Yet, he was afraid to tell her that he loved her.

But she waited. She knew how he was when it came to feelings. She knew expressing emotions weren't his strong suit. So, she was patient enough to give him the time he needed, and he appreciated it.

But now, he regretted taking too much time to just state a fact - the fact that he loved her to the moon and back , she was his everything and he wanted a forever with her.

"No!" he heard himself whisper.

"What?" Lucius snapped.

"No! I'd never take the mark nor become a death eater." He stated firmly and felt proud of that bravery.

Lucius glared at him but Bellatrix just laughed an evil, cold laugh that could rival her master's.

"We'll see my dear!" she told him in a sickeningly sweet tone and left Draco's room, motioning his parents to join her.

***

(Y/N) (Y/L/N) missed Draco Malfoy. If someone had told her that she would miss him so badly that her heart will ache for him, four years before, she would have laughed at them. But now, after years of getting to know the true him and loving him, he had become everything to her. She had caring friends and was really grateful for them, but she missed him.

True, their relationship was a secret one, and no one knew about them. But it didn't mean she loved him any less. She loved him all the same and she knew he loved him too, even if he wasn't so vocal about it. She loved spending time with him, and wasted all her days anticipating their midnight meetings.

Her being a Gryffindor, a muggle-born and worse, a part of the golden quadruplet, and best friend to the golden trio and Draco being a pureblooded, a Slytherin and worse, a Malfoy, had them not go public in mutual understanding. But she did love the memories of the midnight, and they took care of their forbidden feelings in their in hidden corners!

But, it had been a week - a week since holidays were over, a week since school had started, a week since she had seen him, a week he didn't attend school. She decided to write him an anonymous letter to find if he was okay. If he got the letter, he would recognize her handwriting immediately. If it somehow, fall in the wrong hands, then they can't know it was from her. Boy, how wrong she was.

She sent a letter to him. It contained a simple question : "Are you okay? Missing you!"

***

It was the first Hogsmeade weekend of the Sixth year for the Golden quadruplet. They were enjoying themselves. Even (Y/N) had pushed aside her worries for a few hours and enjoyed the time with her friends. They decided to head to the 'Three Broomsticks' for a butter beer. While they started walking, suddenly everything became dark and they could feel themselves being grabbed harshly and being aparrated to somewhere.

When (Y/N) opened her eyes, she found herself in a dungeon. She could see her friends in some sort of jail.

She heard someone calling her. The voice was so familiar. Her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes widened. It couldn't be!

"Draco!" She whispered, turning around.

She saw him. It was really him. But his hands were held behind his back by his father while his aunt stood near him.

"How is our little surprise, Draco dear?"

"Let them go!"Draco snapped, pulling his hand away from his father's grasp and reaching for his wand. But before he could even point it against her, Bellatrix disarmed him and bound him with a rope. His wand fall down near his legs and he was forced to look at Bellatrix, now circling (Y/N).

"Ahh....I take it you are the pretty little mudblood that bade my nephew turn against us?" (Y/N) remained silent. "Did you seriously think we can't find you if you didn't sign the letter. Our pure blood magic is way better than that!" She spat.

"Shove your pure blood pride up in your - "

But before she could finish her statement, she fell to the floor, screaming.

"Draco, you take the mark or enjoy watching her die a slow and painful death."

Tears flowed freely from Draco's eyes as he watched the love of his life on the floor, screaming an writhing in pain.

"Please, stop it!" He screamed.

"Will you take the mark, then?"

Before he could answer (Y/N) spoke "Draco, don't. They are gonna kill me even if you take the mark. They'd never let us get together. At least, I'll die knowing I saved you from a terrible fate!"

"Shut up, mudblood! No one asked you to speak" Bellatrix sneered, throwing another "crucio" at her.

Magic is a wonderful thing. It can understand emotions more than any human being ever could. And it did. When Draco felt love for her, anger at his father and aunt for doing this to her and frustrated because he couldn't do anything to save her, his magic swooped in to save the day. His magic came out of his hand without a wand, blasting the iron bars open, freeing the Golden Trio and bursting the lights of the dungeon.

Bellatrix's wand flew away from her hand and so did Lucius's. He caught it and threw them to the trio, before picking up his own, grabbing (Y/N) and apparating to the first place he could think of – The Shrieking Shack. He saw that she was unconscious. She carried her bridal style all the way through Hogsmeade, towards Hogwarts. People stared at him throughout the way, but he didn't care. He walked as quickly as he could, because the only thing he cared about was saving her.

Draco was in a daze all the while – explaining the situation to the matron, the headmaster, Professor Mcgonagall and Professor Snape ; the golden trio rushing in, out of breath, apologizing to them for all his faults and his bullying, his hateful attitude; them forgiving him after seeing the way his own family treated him but saying that it would take them sometime to accept him for who he really was.

Finally, (Y/N) decided to open her eyes. Seeing her best friends and boyfriend having a civil conversation, she thought she was having a dream. But the memories of the past hours came back to her and she sat up suddenly, her body feeling like it was set on fire.

"But why did they take us to make you get the mark?" Harry inquired, stupidly.

"Er.." Draco uncertainly glanced at (Y/N), thinking if it would be appropriate for him to tell them without her, only to see her awake.

He immediately rushed to her, and hugged her gently, like she was a glass flower who'd break at the smallest level of pressure.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

"It's okay!" She told him, cupping his face and gently peppering kisses all over his face, finally landing on his lips, locking it with her own. As they pulled away from the kiss, they could see the totally gobsmacked faces of Harry and Ron, and a slightly shocked yet satisfied look on Hermione's.

"Uh....guys.....I have something to tell you."

"I've been doubting this since the Christmas break of the last year!" Hermione whispered.

"Guys....We really love each other! You've seen him only as a pureblooded Slytherin bully but I've seen the other side of him. The one that has emotions and insecurities, fears and desires, just like a normal person. And I fell in love with that side of him. But you are important to me as well. I would be happy if you accept us!"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Um...We started being civil to each other from the time he was scratched by Buckbeak. You know I love helping around in the infirmary and I helped him. Then we met in the Astronomy tower, quite coincidentially but then started meeting each other. We got into a relationship by the beginning of the last year."

"Are we that bad friends, that you've been lying to us for years?"

"No! The problem was you guys were amazing friends and I felt guilty about loving someone who you considered your enemy! But I couldn't help it. We can't control who we fall for, can we? You guys are very important to me and I didn't want to lose you. I love you too much to lose you!" She said, and she could feel tears leaving her eyes. Draco interwined his fingers with hers and squeezed it. The trio didn't miss his movement. They sighed.

"We understand that he does care for you, or the deatheaters would have never used you to threaten him."

"But one thing Malfoy! You hurt her and we kill you!"

(Y/N) beamed and Draco smiled.

"I would never even dream of it! I love her too much to hurt her!" He said, looking into her eyes. Their gaze locked and they smiled.

There was a war approaching, those were dark times, but they were there for each other. He had her and she had him. And to them, that was enough!

(A/N: Hope everyone liked it! Requests ae still open and you can request me in the comment section or PM me!

Until the next update

- Mischief Managed!)

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

“Let’s BTS” asks about “I like you the most” and Jin’s reaction

by Admin 2

First of all, I want to wish you all, far away in the world of Vmin and BTS, a healthy and peaceful Easter, if you celebrate it, and a nice weekend for those who don’t! Since Admin 1 is quite busy right now and currently also participating in Camp NaNoWriMo, I (Admin 2) will take over our blog for a little while though Admin 1 will still be lurking and checking comments etc. I want to emphasize right away (you will probably notice it anyway) that I have no literary talent compared to Admin 1. I'll try to worthily “replace” Admin 1 for the time being and talk to you about Vmin and more.

Unlike Admin 1, I am not so careful with shipping discussions (and I even like them) as long as everything is done respectfully and we’re all sticking to the truth about the BTS members. I don't like criticizing other shippers because I understand that other fans may love their favorite members and ships just as much as we love Vmin or Namjin, but sometimes it’s inevitable that I have to say something.

So, I invite you to a discussion. I am open to discussion.

We got two interesting questions about “Let’s BTS” and specifically Jin’s reaction to vmin and I want to discuss them.

From anon: Hi, just wanted to see what you made of Jin’s reaction to Tae’s message to Jimin on the Let’s BTS show. I’ve seen some people say he looks so done and even annoyed with it. I can understand him looking apprehensive at first because Tae is a bit of a loose canon, but everyone’s reaction after is to laugh and smile and shout but Jin is very stoic. I’m kinda new and wondering whether he isn’t a fan of Vmin’s brand of declaring their love on national TV. Although when I think of how he behaves with Joon - I’d struggle to wonder why he doesn’t like it. Any thoughts?

From anon: Hi, I cannot believe what I’m reading about Tae on some platforms. What is wrong with people? Anyways I wanted to ask you what you thought of Jin’s reaction to Tae’s message for Jimin? I’ve started seeing people saying that Jin hates the fact they’re close that’s why his reaction was weird. I’m a vmin shipper but Jin is my bias and I can’t get my head around the fact that Jin doesn’t love them both dearly. He did look “apprehensive” perhaps but I’d say with Tae being Tae; that isn’t surprising.

In order to answer these two questions and to form my opinion on the matter, I’ve looked at the situation with regard to Jin and other members several times.

I admit that I’m surprised myself that Taehyung went this far. Actually, it's not even about the content of his words, but about the whole circumstance and the atmosphere that he created around his "confession". I don't know who added the music, whether it was a Taehyung hint or simply something the editors and PD thought of, but the whole situation and phrase gained even more "meaning" and "seriousness" through it.

I seemed as though the background music was supposed to make the moment remind everyone almost of a scene from a K-Drama (or one of vmin’s playful roleplays), but it only added to the effect of this being a serious, sincere and weighty moment instead.

Taehyung joked around by turning the table and pretending the envelope was not intended for Jimin, but this just led to an increase in the tension displayed by the members and the moment itself, and yet still Jimin was immediately convinced that he was the one for whom the envelope would be. Everyone was acting (which makes it sound like they were faking it which isn’t what I mean) like they were curious, but you could clearly see everyone's tension and nervousness, especially when looking at Jimin. Taehyung added that the contents of the card within the envelope were for Jimin's eyes only, emphasizing the seriousness and intimacy of what he was about to say. As a result, Jimin’s reaction led to uncertainty, nervousness, and at the same time an awareness of the sincerity and seriousness of Taehyung's words.

The words "I like you the most" are (on a superficial surface level) nothing big when compared to "I love you", but they still had the biggest reaction. Jimin wrote "I love you" to Suga and absolutely no one reacted nervously, everyone joined in on the declaration, and the situation was relaxed and even funny. Why did Taehyung’s words cause such reactions then? Why?

My thought is this: When the envelope was revealed to be for Jimin, it was met with tension by both members and Jimin. We all know that Taehyung can be a bit of a loose cannon sometimes, even on national television, when it comes to Jimin.

Jungkook immediately commented that "it’s about friendship", Suga laughed nervously and loudly, as if he wanted to end the situation quickly, and Jin had a serious face that didn’t seem all too positive or eager about what would happen next.I'm not going to go into Jimin's reaction here, but rather Jin’s, since that’s what the anons were wondering about.

In my opinion, Jin doesn't like situations that slip into seemingly too private matters. He is definitely the kind of person who gives up the least private information. The situation with Vmin clearly didn't suit him. And not because Jin doesn't like Vmin (because that’s simply not true), but because he knew this program would be broadcast nationally and streamed worldwide, that it would be debated, that every word would be analyzed, and most importantly, because the team that recorded the show wasn’t their own but one that belonged to KBS. Jin doesn't want anyone to have access to BTS's private life, after all he even asked the You Quiz editors to cut what he saw as too sad/depressing about his answers so clearly he thinks about and considers many such things. I think Taehyung didn't care all that much, but Jin did care.

Perhaps I will go too far in my analysis and imagination here, but let's not forget that in the near future Jin is going to have to leave for his military enlistment in the highly conservative Korean army, which holds very homophobic views. Any shadow cast on any of the BTS members (even if some of them are already suspected to be queer) can endanger Jin or make it even more difficult for him to perform his service well and safely. The suspicion that two of the members might be in a relationship with each other would make Jin an accomplice, since they belong to the same group and would lead to him also being suspected of being queer, guilty by associating basically. This is my opinion at least.

Jin is the oldest and feels responsible for BTS, much the way Namjoon does as leader, for everyone including Taehyung, because Jin is aware of the wave of hatred that will be/is poured onto Taehyung across sns after such a public statement. According to Jin, in my humble opinion, this is neither the time nor the place to take such a step in such serious manner. As long as everything was done in form of jokes and witty answers, Jin was joining in and having fun, but when it was Tae's turn his face became serious, as if to warn Taehyung. Jin knew that "Taehyung's atmosphere" could/would fluster Jimin and the entire team, and could become the subject of rumors spread by the staff that isn’t their own.

So no, Jin’s reaction wasn’t because he hates vmin or anything like that, because that’s not true on any level, but because Taehyung’s words about liking Jimin the most were perhaps too sincere for the setting they were in, raising too many brows, and that’s potentially why he reacted the way he did. After all, if you watch the 5th Muster concerts, and especially the one in Seoul, when vmin stand at the very end together, Jin approaches them and throws water at them as though to pull them out of their bubble and back into reality. All in good fun and because he simply cares a lot about them.

Also, an alternative and even more simple answer could be that Jin’s face has no relation to anything I just said and doesn’t tell us anything about what he thought about Taehyung’s words. After all in some interviews he also just sits there quietly and watches/listens to the other members and that doesn’t mean anything at all, or at least nothing negative. But since you asked for my thoughts, here they are, though they don’t have to be right.

I actually have no idea what the reactions are to this show in Korea and among the general public, but I've seen the reactions to Tae’s words across various sns, which one of the anons also mentioned so I’d like to talk about those for a moment as well.

My hair stood on end when I read some of the responses/posts about Taehyung. I never thought that people who call themselves ARMY or fans of BTS would have such opinions about any of the members. A wave of hatred literally flooded Taehyung, like Admin 1 previously mentioned in their answer to an ask.

I just wanted to cry. It shocked me how far shipping can go (literally playing with actual, living people with no regard to their own words and thoughts) that it can cause such extreme emotions in "fans". It's hard to say which is more negative and alarming for some, Taehyung potentially really having (romantic and reciprocated) feelings for Jimin, Taehyung's feelings not being for the “right” person, or the mere fact that Taehyung's feelings are for a person of the same gender.

It’s also interesting to see how deceptive some are. I don’t even mean that “Taehyung and Jimin like each other most” is ignored, which it is, but rather that those mutual feelings were manipulated to twist them into a completely different direction and to another person, or turned into mere jokes or sarcasm. As if all of this simply never happened.

On the other hand, the fact that Jungkook unbuttoned his shirt before going on stage for “My Time”, as opposed to him not doing so during rehearsals, has become very important and an example of J*k*ok being in a relationship, how that’s now even clearer than ever before and is an indisputable fact, according to shippers. Apparently, J*k*ok were flirting with each other throughout the entire segment and show and only had eyes for each other. Somehow Jungkook imitating Jimin is the final piece of evidence to prove everything shippers ever claimed and thus, according to them, everyone must now see that they love each other romantically.

I've carefully watched this show three times, this particular segment and everything else too, and frankly I haven't seen anything that could be called anything even close to flirting when it comes to the two main ML ships. I'm mature and I think I know what flirting is and I can “read” the simplest human behavior, but I really couldn’t see any of it. In my opinion, Jungkook imitating Jimin is clear and open and not a secret. I fully understand Jungkook, I would also follow Jimin in his place :-) Jimin's dancing and looks, as well as his professional work ethic, are truly breathtaking, inspiring and worth imitating. However, this has absolutely nothing to do with romantic affection or a romantic relationship between them, in my opinion.

Hence, I fail to understand these behaviors which in turn lead to a wave of hatred against Taehyung and the, repeated, disregard, belittlement and erasure of Jimin’s and Taehyung’s friendship and relationship bond, and even some going as far as pretending anything vmin was simply not there at all just to make their ship seem more real, booo.

[changebydjo]

IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ

 so i’ve put off writing this for a long, long time, and it’ll be painful for me to make this post but at this point i feel like it needs to be done. someone within the liz fandom has been lying, gaslighting and manipulating me as well as many others, both online and offline, and after getting proof on everything (plus their lack of remorse) has prompted me to write this.

this is about gil perez, aka @unrated-g, and one of his irl friends, kim @kimbus-the-whimbus, to a lesser extent, but mostly gil. since 2016 - nearly 5 years now - he’s been lying that he’s best friends with liz gillies. i’m gonna put a read more because it’s a long, insane, and ridiculous thing that happened, but please read all of it and know how serious this is, as well as all the damage this man has done.

​

i met gil through tumblr in 2018 - he had been replying my posts since before that, but early 2018 is when i followed him and started chatting with him casually. over time, i noticed that he would reblog posts about liz and in the tags he would seem to be talking to her or referencing her, but not by her name - instead he would call her “goblin”. he would mention things that “goblin” liked or behind the scenes on dynasty stuff, and after a few weeks of noticing this and chatting with him about dynasty/liz, i ended up asking him if he was friends with liz/knew her personally because of the way he spoke about her. he confirmed to me that he knew her, she was one of his best friends, and he “didn’t expect” anyone to pick up on it. he told me to keep it private and i agreed, obviously, because i had no reason to not trust him, and i know that liz values her privacy.

it’s important to note that liz does NOT follow him or any of his accounts from her verified twitter or instagram accounts - instead, he said she had an “extremely private” encrypted tumblr account that could only be seen by people she follows/white listed. he was one of them. her blog would not show up for anyone else, and they met through tumblr in 2016 (even though he said she followed him back in 2010 and he didn’t realize until 6 years later) through their mutual love for uncharted, and bonded over playing uncharted 4 multiplayer together. it’s also important to note that liz has had 2 tumblr accounts since 2010, both of which she has abandoned, and he said that her private tumblr is separate from those two. she also was friends with him (according to him) through PSN, where they would play ps4 games together, and all of his text convos with her are from that app:

(^ “liz’s” PSN account)

throughout all of 2018, we would text on a regular basis and started becoming good friends. he was extremely kind, always willing to be there for me, and listened to me about not only fandom stuff but also my irl problems. he also became friends with my friend group, who were also in the liz fandom, and it was really nice for a while. in october of 2018, gil said he went to HHN with liz and matt in LA, and for xmas of 2018, he said he spent it with liz - both in LA and in NJ, which is what she typically does to spend her holidays with her family and friends. her pale blue eyes cover was also for him, according to gil, because he asked for her to cover it specifically and she did just for him.

gil would also occasionally stream for friends, and sometimes liz would show up:

beginning of 2019 is when gil and i started getting much closer - we started playing games together (mostly mario kart, at the beginning) and talking through voice chat. he would talk about liz and personal things about her/her life or dynasty, and he always willingly supplied that information himself - i never asked for it, i wasn’t friends with him to get information on liz or have an “in” with her. chatting with him made me feel good and happy and important to him, and i realized i started having feelings for him - which i told him about in april 2019. he said he wasn’t sure exactly how he felt but he thought he might feel the same, the only really complicated part (besides the fact that this was long distance/not irl) was that he also had a really deep crush on liz, someone who was his best friend/ultimate celeb crush. he was really like in love with her, even though he said he tried to suppress it. anyways, after me admitting that to him, our friendship started to develop into something more. we weren’t ever in an official relationship, but things were definitely not strictly platonic with us. we went from chatting once every week or two to almost every single night for 3-6 hours per night for MONTHS. throughout that time, our relationship became sexual, too, and my feelings for him just continued to get deeper and deeper.

this continues throughout the rest of 2019, and then new years 2020, everything just...goes to shit asap. gil got really distant with me with no explanation, i felt like all the affection he was showing me and the kind things he would say to me, as well as our bonding time when we would chat together, was just ripped away unexpectedly. i constantly asked what was wrong and what was happening, and told him how i feel, and i got no real response besides just being tired/non-sociable, etc. (which, for the record, is completely understandable, but it was such a huge 180 in behavior that it worried me and things never went back to normal after that). in addition to that, kim (who was mentioned at the beginning of this post) is one of his best friends irl, as well as his on again/off again ex (according to him). anyways, there were posts that she had made that indicated to them not being exes and instead still together - or at the very least not platonic - which crushed me when i found out, because until that point i had no reason not to trust him. i told him about it though, and how it hurt me because my feelings were so deep for him at that point i felt that i loved him, and he told me they weren’t together. this isn’t really necessary for the liz stuff of this post, but it’s important for context for how hurt and on edge i was already feeling before things got worse.

we would still chat maybe a few times a week, but nothing like it used to be, and i was happy we would even chat at all, even though things felt so weird and different and off, and no matter what i did, i couldn’t fix it. as 2020 started going on, and this continued, his friendship with liz started making me feel extremely uncomfortable. knowing that he had the weird boundaries with his ex, plus whatever was going on with me and him, AND that he was in love with liz?? it was unsettling. i felt like i couldn’t compare, because it’s *liz gillies*, someone i obviously love and idolize and look up to. and she was up on a pedestal for him, even though he said that he never tried to treat liz differently than his other close friends just bc of who she was, but that wasn’t true. anything that she said or did, he agreed with 100%, and would defend it. when he and i would chat, and i would mention something about dynasty that bothered me, he would talk about what liz’s thoughts were on it and how she felt and that she was right to feel that way and it made me feel awful. this happened on multiple occasions throughout various topics, from dynasty to fandom stuff to liz’s friendships/relationships, etc. no matter what, to gil, liz was always right and he always had an explanation for anything that happened. the way he would describe liz and the thing he said about her made me see her in a completely different light - she was not the same liz that she presented herself as, at least in gil’s eyes. 

he would always talk about how amazing liz was to him and how she did so much for him, such as buying him gifts, supporting his art, etc. this was hurtful to hear because i was doing the exact same things for him, as well as our group of friends: we had been buying his art (not only the art prints but the ACTUAL original copies), sending him gifts or money for gifts, supporting him and his art on social media, as well as just being a genuine friend to him. he never appreciated or thanked us the way that he thanked liz; none of us ever compared to her, even though we were doing the exact same thing for him that he said liz was doing, as well. it made me feel like no matter what i did, or how supportive i was, i was never enough.

we also had a discord with gil, that involved him, me, and my friends sarah, hope, amanda, and dom. within this discord, it’s worth noting that gil was the only man there, and would talk about liz and his friendship with her there, unprompted. we never asked for info, he volunteered everything willingly, and we all kind of glossed over it at the time because we weren’t friends with him for liz or any of that.

(the screenshot gil linked in the gc is what “liz’s” private encrypted blog looks like on his dash. please note the edit post button in the bottom right of the screenshot.)

another important thing about his friendship with liz/being in love with her: he has this specific kink (which i don’t want to say what it is for privacy reasons) and he said that liz was engaging in this kink herself, and that he was jealous of liz’s bf/wishes he could engage in it with liz, etc. i wasn’t into this kink before talking to him but because i had liked him so much at the time, and i was slightly jealous that he wanted it with liz, i thought that i could indulge in it for him. it was something that i was not physically or mentally prepared for/able to make happen, and it really caused an impact on me, and he just...didn’t care. at all.

anyways: this stuff continues, then around summer 2020, my friend sarah reached out to him. she (and my friends, along with me) were starting to distrust the things gil was saying about liz, since it went completely against what liz would say herself. she would say she only plays the sims 3 on her computer - he would say she was a huge gamer and played the sims 4 on ps4, along with minecraft, uncharted, the last of us, horizon zero dawn, etc. he would say that liz and maddison brown (her dynasty co-star) played ACNH with him and quickly got to 5 stars - liz said in a zach sang interview that she didn’t play animal crossing. every time something didn’t add up, his excuse was that liz was lying for her privacy. she didn’t follow gil on any verified social media accounts in case “people harassed him” over being friends with her. so sarah texted him that she needed to talk to him about the liz stuff, because there was evidence it wasn’t true, and he denied all of it. he firmly stuck to his story, and sarah gave him multiple chances over several days to come clean and he wouldn’t. she asked for simple pieces of proof that he could give her, and he wouldn’t besides fake screenshots of her “private blog”:

 he told me afterwards that if it comes between his friendship with liz or sarah’s, he’s picking liz - end of story. his and sarah’s friendship was done after that because of his decision. he blamed sarah for “ruining” liz and maddison’s friendship because of her asking for proof, and made her out to be the bad one in that situation. he ended up deleting the discord gc after this happened, with all of his screenshots/”info” as liz as well (we got screenshots of things before he deleted it though, much more that’s shown in this post).

about a month later, my friend léa also confronted him about it. gil had told her some things about liz’s “reaction” to meeting léa in paris, and at the time, it had made the experience more special for her. once she realized it was all lies, though, it really hurt her - he altered that special experience for her and twisted it into something that wasn’t real. he had the same reaction to léa’s conversation as he did to sarah’s, and he refused to tell the truth. their friendship was done with after, as well, along with a few other people from the liz fandom. i was the only one who stayed friends with him after that, and that was because i was closest with him and still trying to see if i could fix things with him. i was still naively believing that he would treat me okay again, he would make me feel important instead of always a backup option, that he wanted me again. 

but of course that never happened. he continued to ignore me, talk to me less and less, and would subtweet me on his private account. after he stopped being friends with sarah and léa and everyone blocked him except for me, i was the only follower on his private account, as well as being the only person he followed there. gil, though, kept saying that liz had a “private twitter” where she would talk to him on his private account. he also said that he had “merged twitter accounts” into one, which was his private, which messed up his account and wouldn’t show who he was replying to, quote rts, or that he was following them, which - if you have a twitter, you KNOW none of that can actually happen. but it was his excuse to constantly subtweet me and my friends for not believing him, to maintain his story, AND to have convos with “liz” on there that only i could see, where he made it sound like he was talking shit about me to her. it was extremely manipulative and served no purpose except to fuck with me, because he knew that i was the only one seeing those tweets and knew i was already struggling with not knowing what to believe. here’s some of them:

(you can very clearly see that i’m the only follower/following on that account, the number is at literally 1, and he STILL was acting like he was talking to someone else and that other people were following him.)

now comes jan. 2021!! WE GOT DEFINITE PROOF THAT IT WAS ALL LIES. from multiple people. one of liz’s close best friends (that gil included in his stories about her, saying that he met them) said that they don’t know who gil is, have never met him, and it’s best for us all to block him for our own safety. a co-worker of liz’s (who was, again, included in gil’s lies, that he hung out with them multiple times, played games with them online, and bought him gifts) said that not only had they never met gil, but EVERYTHING he said about them was untrue. they even listed the inaccuracies he would say about them, such as gil taking photos of them at things like the SWT, and they confirmed who actually took the photo. they said that “none of it is fucking true” and that gil is a narcissistic liar, and also encouraged us to block him for our own safety. 

i confronted gil myself about this a few weeks ago, and he continued to maintain his story that everyone’s lying to protect his privacy - even though we know for sure that wasn’t the case. he FINALLY owned up to it to me only once he saw i had proof and he was caught, and his reason for doing it was “he was bored”. he said he was sorry but he wasn’t truly apologetic - he either didn’t fully realize the scope of how hurtful his lies and manipulations were, or he just didn’t care, but the bottom line is that he always chose his fantasy of liz over his actual friends. around this time, once he knew he was caught, he also deactivated his private account, but brought it back a week or so later, with all of the subtweets and tweets about liz being deleted. all of the unverified accounts that were supposed to be liz - the tumblr account, psn, twitch, etc. - were all fake and made by him, so he could make it seem more real.

even if he WAS telling the truth about being friends with liz, he still would have completely violated her privacy by the amount of “secret” things he told all of us - from her kinks/sex life, to work life, to very personal things that he claims happened to her. knowing it’s all fake though, and he made up an entire personality and life for liz that doesn’t exist??? it’s insane.

now the part with kim - she’s known gil irl for over 10 years, and has tweeted about liz all the time, about how “good” liz is to her because of gil, and that she’s the one who encouraged him to talk to her. she brags about it constantly, even though none of it is real. she also tweeted multiple times throughout 2018-2019 about how gil “finally deserves to meet liz in person”, even though gil said he met liz irl back in 2017 or so - AND that she came to texas, where he lives, to meet him and his friends. when asked about her tweets, he said that kim’s account was “messed up” and her tweets weren’t “tweeted at the right time”. one of my friends reached out to tell her and show her the proof of gil lying, because gil has been lying to her and other people irl too, and instead she mocked us, belittled us, and chose not to believe a group of women coming to her about a 30 year old (!!) man manipulating us. gil said that kim was “aware of it all being a lie for years now” to me, but i think that was another lie, that he’s STILL lying to her about it. if not, then that means that kim was also lying for many years about knowing liz too, and used it to make us all the butt of her joke, so. so much for her being an “empath” and wanting to help people but anyways!!

the last screenshot is of her subtweeting us and implying that everyone involved with liz is lying for her and gil’s privacy, even though we have proof that that simply isn’t true.

i’m sorry for how long this is, but i need people to understand how serious this is. he’s been lying for 5 YEARS now about knowing liz - about her “accidentally sending nudes” to him, that gil is one of her best friends and he would’ve been at her wedding, that she’s a huge gamer who plays with him - all of it. it’s all lies. he created a fantasy version of liz that doesn’t exist, and incorporated into his real life, his friendships both online and off, and made it his entire personality. he’s not sorry about what he’s done - as i’m writing this, he’s still on tumblr, talking in the tags to “liz” again, because he’d rather uphold his fantasy life where he’s best friends with liz when in reality, she has no idea he even exists. and if she did, i’m certain that she would be disgusted with what he’s done. he lied about her, oversexualized her, used his kinks on her which was brought onto me - someone he knew that was vulnerable and had feelings for him, manipulated people into trying to believe his lies, gaslit people to make them unable to tell what was true and what was fake, and had absolutely zero respect for any of us. he even listened to me cry to him on the phone MULTIPLE times about how insecure and worthless i felt to him compared to liz, and he didn’t do ANYTHING about it. he sat there and listened to me cry, knowing he could own up to his lie, and he chose not to. he’s not sorry about what he’s done, and he’s going to continue to spread his lies. please block him. i can’t express how much he’s hurt me, the therapy that i need to have because of him, how much he’s hurt my friends and how little he respects women in general tbh. he always tried to come off as “one of the good guys” but now i know he’s harmful and not to be trusted. he even tried to separate me from my friends, and make it seem like they’re the ones making this situation even harder for him. i’ve tried so, so many times to get through to him, waiting to see if he’d change or show some remorse or anything, but after over a year of this i don’t think he will, and it genuinely hurts me to know that. BLOCK HIM.