#wilting stim

[dark-cottage-gore]

Warning for eye contact, horror, skulls, bugs, and liminal spaces below cut!

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🍄|🥀|🦋

🦌|🐦‍⬛|👁

Cottagegore stimboard

Themes: Dark forests, animal skulls, fog, mushrooms, wilting, bugs, deer, corvids, cryptids

Song:

[its-stimsca]

You said you’re not familiar with Touhou, but your Nazrin board was so good, would you mind doing a board for Kaguya Houraisan? Thx u!!

Thank you!! Wikipedia is my friend when it comes to characters I don’t know lmao, hope u like this :]

🥀 🌸 🥀

🌸 🥀 🌸

🥀 🌸 🥀

[whatareyoudoingwithamaserati]

I’m having an autism

[toiletphotoshoot]

BO THIS IS SO COOL ☹️

Lily colored glasses

Get it cause— cause— ca—

NEVER LISTEN TO THIS SONG WHILE DRAWING THOSE MFS IT’LL RUIN YOU /j

[hiskillingjar]

Strade with an autistic mc?

One of my characters has low functioning autism. She’s really sensitive to bright, noisy light and cold air. (It could trigger a meltdown). Her special interests are stuffed animals, especially if they’re big and cuddly, and apple slices.

She’s not really great at verbal communication especially when she scared or nervous. She’s good at physical communication tho? Expressions?

Also she’s part tanuki soooo do whatever you want with that.

autism gang rise up

i'm gonna make this a headcanon post cus i've written something adjacent to this for strade before (cw for. strade lol)

ren 🦊

suddenly he is the sweetest boy in the world

like so kind, so patient, so sweet

you're out in public and get triggered by bright lights, loud noises, you have a meltdown? ren is literally dragging you out and making sure you're okay

he's speaking to you so sweetly, so gently, he won't touch you if you don't want him to

he's just so patient with you

kind of like...he's the only person who really understands you? the world is so cruel and mean to people like you...and you're so sweet and gentle, you shouldn't be out there...you should be with me, you should let me take care of you...nobody else will

manipulating king. gaslighting king

to be fair he does win your affection with stuffed animals and like. good sensory stuff. blankets, pillows. got a whole autism nest goin

he'll replace all the lights in the house too

doesn't mind when you stim by touching his tail or ears. it just makes him curl into you that much more <3

and like obviously he's doing this cus he's a horny monster that wants you to depend on him

but he does genuinely just want someone to care for

like even if you can't make eye contact all the time, or if you don't understand what he says or tells you sometimes, he'd still be so patient

he knows you struggle with that stuff, and you're doing your best. that's all he asks for <3

law 🥀

autism 4 autism

law is so autistic, are you kidding.

granted their autism manifests kind of differently though. they got the liveleaks autism, the monotone drawl autism, the twin peaks autism (me too)

but like. providing that you survived the first night (cus they might not be able to stop themselves from just watching you wilt)

they'd be reasonably patient and gentle with you

i mean there's like no prolonged eye contact between you

but you'd communicate remarkably well (with what little you did actually talk)

they know how it feels to be misunderstood after all...and you're so delicate and need to be cared for

they wouldn't. totally understand your special interests (cus they like bones and taxidermy and roadkill) but they wouldn't be able to stop themselves from buying a few soft toys

you just look so sweet and comfortable when they leave you for work, why would they deprive you of that?

they might panic if you started having a meltdown, but they'd eventually clue in and. get you settled down (give them a break, they have meltdowns too)

and like. autism 4 autism...you know there's some sadomasochism happening. good for you! good for you...

strade 🔨

i mean. i've written it so. lol

strade would be such an asshole i'm so sorry

like come on you've come preloaded with triggers and buttons he could push to make you panic and freak out. he couldn't NOT fuck around with you

he might get a little overwhelmed himself by how much he likes fucking around with you. it's just so easy

keep a few bright lights on, play some music too loud, put on the air conditioning, that's all it takes? buddy you are NOT surviving this one

but okay okay. on the concept that you DO survive past the first night (lol)

strade would still be pretty shitty about everything

like he wouldn't yell or be mad at you for meltdowns but he would not understand in the slightest (and you know his ass is not looking anything up to make it easier)

it would kind of be on ren to make adjustments (changing lights, reminding him about your sensitivities) and like. maybe then he'd pay attention to some shit

he's better with your special interests and sensory needs tbh. he might even think it's kind of cute that you infodump when you're excited or curl up with blankets and soft toys

that doesn't mean he's not gonna fuck with you though lol.

also. full german stare at all times. will trigger your conversation sensitivity at all time. he loves it.

[transmascmion]

Alright here’s my Autistic Maria post XD

I’m (probably?) not autistic myself but both my full sisters are, and I’ve done quite a bit of research so hopefully everything i write is accurate. If not, uhh… fun Maria facts ig “XD

Also once again I’m only like 4 hours into Umineko so no spoilers plz X3X

————

-takes everything literally and believes pretty much anything ppl tell her

-difficulty with facial expressions. She is described in text as not smiling a lot, and having the same face usually. She does smile tho, but typically is rather blank or concerned looking.

-copies the movement and speech of others

-vocal stims by going “uu-“, both when happy or distressed. Just anytime she needs to stim XD

-echolalia - she mostly repeats phrases that she hears others do, and once again her “uu” stim can be attributed to this as well 030

-high empathy for non-humans: concern over the one wilted flower gave her some distress, and so did the missing seagulls. (Maybe this one is a stretch?? Idk lol)

-distressed over things not being as they used to- the missing Tori gate and the missing seagulls distressed her quite a bit.

And obviously, most importantly: she’s my fave character so far so obvs she’s gotta be neurodivergent somehow GJFKJK XD

[wilted-woods]

LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE LB!FILE

I AM DEVOURING THIS LIKE A RABID ANIMAL

I love this so much you have no idea

*Obliterates you with my appreciation beam from my inventory*/silly

Me when you when they the when we ⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇

FUCKING LOVEBUGGED FILE!!!! YEEEEESSSSS!! AAAAAAAHHHHH *RABID GEIGER COUNTER NOISES*

ME WHEN WHEN YOU WHEN THE WHEN HE FOR HE MEVWHEN JFHKSKSJFJAJTJEIUGJSIW I THE YOU FOR HE ME THEY WHNE THEBHWN NENXMS

OMG HERE ME OUT HERE ME OUT HERE ME TF OUT PPPPLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSEEEEE AHDNFKNWMFMSKMS

WHAT IF LOVEVIRUS!FILE!?!?!?!?!?

WHAT IF!?!?!?

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHBABFNSNEN

PLEEEAAAASSSEEE I BEG YOU LET ME BRAINROT AND SPREAD MY CORROSION ABOUT THESE SILLY FUCKERS

My brain is corroding as we speak

*GÜNTHER/WILTED FUCKINFG EXPLODES*

I'm drawing that

Thank you

I shall kiss you/platonic

*wiggles* I'm very happy now and this serves as a distraction from the upcoming storm from Hurricane Hilary here where I live so I thank thee very much

ALSO!!! WHAT IF LOVEBUGGED!SWEEP!?!?

I call him Mr. Ambrose :3

:000

LOVEVIRUS!SWEEP

I'm going to be drawing ALL of that

Thank you again <3

I'm gonna

I'm

I

I'm gonna implode I

I'm going to explode

Omg

Lovevirus!Nullbrose AND Lovebug!Nullbrose

*BATTING MY FUCKING EYELASHES AT YOU*

*Kisses you*/silly/platonic (if you prefer hugs then I'm going to aggressively hug you because I love this/nm/nf/silly/platonic)

I'm getting used to these tone abbreviations <3

Hi - Uh (ig) sorry I was gone, I may not be as active as before, I'm having problems with my mental health and personal life. Anyways what did I miss??? :D

You know what time it is.. STORY TIME! I'm back with more File and Sweep stuff!! It's based on something, let's see if you catch it! Also, this one is more.. Uh, fanfic like?- I prefer writing this way, I think it turns out better!

Also uh sorry if there's any spelling mistakes you can point those out- 😭

"O-oh.. Jeepers..", Filename sighed as he grabbed his chest, feeling a sense of tension pulsating there. His vision was blurry yet his eye(s?? >:P) shifted around the room. He felt warm.. Very warm. What was happening to him? This was new. Filename smiled and giggled to himself, tightly grabbing his hair with the other hand. Suddenly, the door creeked and a tall green fellow with a broom peeked into the room. He kept quiet for a short period of time but then spoke, still quietly, "File..? Is there something wrong again?" As expected, Filename did not say anything, so concerned Sweep stepped into the room, gripping his broom a little tighter, and questioned yet again, "File?" At that moment Filename jerked his head towards Sweep. His eyes were glowing pink and he had white hearts instead of pupils. His grin slowly widened and he spoke in a shaky voice, "Sweep.. Dear.." At that very moment Sweep hardly swallowed. He was.. Uncomfortable. Filename turned the rest of his body in Sweep's direction and slowly walked over to him, however when he was only a couple of steps away he suddenly darted towards Sweep. And there was a moment of silence. Before Sweep could make out what just happened, he was standing back against the wall with Filename holding the broomstick up to his neck. Filename's breathing became a bit heavier as he stared into Sweep's eyes, still smiling. Filename then squinted his eyes and softly whispered, "Sweep.. I love you, dear..~"

Cliffhanger HAHAHAH I'm so evil :)

But ye u h- I hope it's not like- VERY weird and not too inappropriate omgskndnens- 😭

Also I'm so sorry for writing so much :D-

(sowwy no drawing rn Pluto the artist is sick with chickenpox *cough cough*)

I LOVE IT SO MUCCHHHJSJDSODIAODOWPDP also hope you will get ok with your mental health dear!!

ANYWAYS

IS IT

IS IT LOVEBUG!FILE??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

also i'm ok with this stuff dw *hug hug*

AND OFKFLSFKSLFSKKOWODAJJD *explodes* /pos

I WOULD BE ONLY HAPPY TO SEE YOUR MINI FICS ABOUT 'EM!!!!!

[syrupfog]

Law isn’t sure he can remember the last time he felt safe. The last time he stood still and didn’t feel the constant itch under his skin to run or hide. 

He can’t remember the last time he touched someone. 

He’s been circling the edge of a town for the last two days,

finding which bakeries and restaurants don’t lock their dumpsters. There’s more than usual; this place must be low on crime. He might be able to stay here a bit longer without people noticing and getting suspicious, which would be nice— cold weather is coming soon.

He’s aware, as he digs through a dumpster just after the sun has set, that he’s due for his heat — overdue, really — but he’s lost enough weight and been under enough stress that it’s not come. 

That’s a small mercy, but also a dangerous one, because there’s no predictability— it could come at any time. 

He sniffs the wilted remains of a salad and grimaces. It probably won’t come soon if that’s any indication. 

Nimbly climbing out of the dumpster, a light misting rain hits his shoulders, making Law shiver. He looks back towards the woods—

but then, daringly, looks toward the coffee shop that owns the dumpster. It’s still open, warm and inviting, and if it’s busy enough he might be able to get away with not buying anything, or grabbing the dregs of a forgotten drink. 

The rain grows heavier, and he takes a chance.

Inside is warm, dry, and loud. Law slips into a tall seat near the front window and breathes in the scents of almost twenty busy people working, talking, living. The omega part of Law yearns for community like this, for touch and connection. 

The other part wants him out of here.

Still, he stays, assuaging his fears and reminding himself he’s far from home. No one would recognize him here. Maybe he can even sneak into the bathroom to freshen up if there’s not a code on the door. 

The scents are a bit overwhelming, though.

Law’s hands have a natural tremble to them now. Omegas aren’t supposed to go this long without touch, without community. He’s got stims in his pocket but he’s past the point of them being useful. When alphas pass by he shrinks inward, afraid of his body getting overwhelmed.

That is, until someone is pulling back the other chair at his table. 

“Hey!” 

Law blinks. It’s an alpha, but younger than him. Bright eyed, with a sorry straw hat on his head. 

“Sorry,” Law says. “Was this your table?” 

“Nah, it’s yours!” says the alpha, grinning.

“Okay…” Law hedges. The door is maybe six paces away. He can make it five in a run. 

The alpha glances where he’s looking and then shrugs. “Here,” he says, putting a to-go bag on the table and sliding it over to him. 

“Didn’t order anything,” Law says automatically.

“I know,” the alpha says. He smells like sunshine. “We baked more, so this would’ve gone in the trash anyway. This way you don’t have to dig for it!” 

Law freezes, wide eyes trained on the alpha, a ringing in his ears. Is his goal humiliation, is he going to attack?

But the alpha just sits there… smiling. 

Law, with trembling hands, reaches for the bag. He pulls out a danish, warm to the touch, which… defies the alpha’s story. 

“I can’t pay for this,” Law bites out, shame hot on his face. 

The alpha blinks. “So?” He asks.

He sits forward, head in his hands and just STUDIES Law for a minute. It’s uncomfortable. 

He says, “I’m Luffy.” Then, “Why are you shaking?” 

Law’s heart rate picks up again. He zeroes in on the clearest route to the door, and stumbles out of his seat, making a run for it.

Interested alphas are dangerous alphas. Interested alphas usually already know too much. 

He’s only two steps away when a hand touches his wrist. Doesn’t grab it, doesn’t twist it, just touches him. 

But it’s the first alpha to touch him in at least six months, if not longer.

And Law’s way past any acceptable level of touch deprivation. 

A whimper leaves his lips at the sensation, a pathetic, disgusting, needy, dangerous sound, and he drops, then and there, losing consciousness in the middle of a coffee shop.

The first thing Law is aware of is warmth. It’s like a tether, pulling him slowly and carefully up from the darkness he’s in. 

The second thing Law is aware of is incredibly off-tune humming. It would be grating if it weren’t also comforting, vibrating softly through his sternum.

He shifts, taking account of his limbs one by one. He’s… laying on his stomach, but for once he’s not cold. For once he’s not wet. For once the thrumming headache is gone. There’s warmth underneath him and around him and the humming is *so* off key, but… pleasant.

Awake and aware, Law never would have done this. But in this syrupy-slow headspace, he nuzzles against the warmth, seeking out the peace and pleasantness. 

He’s rewarded with a hand in his hair, scratching at his scalp, and Law melts, only becoming aware when he feels laughter.

“You’re like a cat,” says a voice, incredibly close, and Law *recognizes* who it belongs to, the alpha from the coffee shop, and he stills in fear. 

“Noooo,” the alpha — Luffy, his mind supplies — whines. “It’s okay! You needed a nap so we brought you home.” 

…*We*?

His lids are heavy, but Law cracks an eye open. He’s laying on the alpha’s chest, in what looks to be a small living room. 

A small living room in which what looks to be nearly ten people are crammed, all on mismatched furniture or sprawled on the floor.

Law opens his mouth, breathing in the scents of everything and one thing becomes apparent *very* fast. 

Everyone in this room is in a pack. And although the alpha Luffy seems to be about the smallest one here, his scent is clearly marking him as the leader. 

Oh SHIT.

“Shhh,” Luffy says, nosing him like a dog. “You smell like fear, but you don’t need to! These are all my friends, and you’re my friend now too, so we’re going to help you. Okay?” 

Not okay. Definitely not okay. Law searches the eyes of the pack, before one alpha with green hair speaks up. “You’re going to get his help whether you like it or not,” he says. “Luffy doesn’t give up on his friends, so he’s definitely not going to give up on the person he’s chosen as a mate.” 

There’s light laughter and Law blanches. He tries to protest, but the protests die as Luffy cups his face and brings them eye to eye. Law notes the scar on his cheek, and he wants to trace it. 

“What’s your name?” asks Luffy. 

“Trafalgar,” saw Law. 

“Traffy,” says Luffy. Law grimaces. There’s more laughter. “I’m going to stop whatever’s hurting you,” he says.

He doesn’t know what he’s saying, thinks Law. But… something inside of him wants— wants this alpha to be right. 

“And then,” Luffy continues, undeterred, “We’re going to get married. Okay?” 

Law… nods, his cheeks squished between Luffy’s hands. “Yeah,” he says. “Okay.”

[that-disabled-princess]

Feliz Día de Muertos!

It's my first time celebrating; I wanted to honor someone who was very dear to me. I also sketched a small ofrenda that I think Ethari would put up for Runaan.

[ID: A Day of the Dead alter with two tiers. In the center of the bottom tier is a large sketch of Runaan. Next to it is a smaller sketch of Runaan and Ethari embracing. Along the bottom tier are candles, marigolds, moonberry surprise, a bowl of beige bittersquash, a jeweled mouse, a songbird, a heartbloom flower, a wilting leaf, a moon opal, and two stim toys. On the top tier is a moonstrider plushie, a picnic basket, Ethari's scarf, a lotus flower, more marigolds, and another candle. /end ID]

[sassypotatoe1]

Survival guide for the adhd/depressed/autistic newly established office worker:

Brought to you by a depressed adhd autistic who took 10 months to adjust to office life after starting to work their first full time job.

Food:

We all have trouble with food, no denying it, so how do you manage it? Well there's a couple of ways depending on your individual needs.

If you're like me and you will end up just not eating if you don't have food immediately accessible, keep a snack drawer. Empty an entire drawer in your desk, buy a combination of healthy and less nutritious snack food that's shelf stable in bulk. I typically get a bunch of packets of like two types of potato chips/crisps, a bunch of single serving packets of salted peanuts, single serving packets of dried fruit flakes because the solid dried fruit are a sensory nightmare, and a bag of lollipops. By 10ish when I need my first snack I pop a lollipop, and if I didn't pack lunch I have access to fiber, protein, fat and carbs.

I also sniffed around for a couple of months to find the best deal on safe food takeout, ie a meal that's filling, relatively balanced, cheap and fits my texture and taste sensitivities. When it gets too expensive I find another one. Once a week I allow myself to get that if I didn't pack lunch so I don't end up spending all my money on takeout but still get to eat well enough.

If you're concerned about overeating or eating less nutritious food, get nutritious safe food options. They're typically a bit more expensive and a bit less shelf stable, I keep instant soup with freeze dried veggies in my drawer in the winter, and I have a tub of ensure to make shakes if I feel I'm missing out on some nutrients. Focus more on dried fruits, pretzels, nuts, instant food with veggies and nutrient loaded fruit juice. Get ensure if you can afford it. In a limited way it can act as a nutritious meal replacement, but I mean limited as in once or twice a week. Do not replace all your meals with a nutrition shake.

When you buy fresh produce, process it immediately before it goes into the fridge/freezer. Don't let that head of lettuce wilt and rot. Pull it apart, wash it off, put what you're not using immediately in a ziploc in the freezer if it freezes, and put the rest open in the produce section of your fridge. Not only will it already be ready to use when you use it, if it's not in a bag or container where the moisture is trapped it remains fresh for longer. That or if you can afford it buy pre-processed produce, divide it into serving portions, freeze what can be frozen.

Buy. Ready. Made. Meals. I know microwave dinners are the butt of the depression joke but they're literally life-saving, because when I was really struggling with my depression and ARFID microwave dinners were my only source of nutrition for a while and it literally kept me from actually dying. Do not be ashamed to meet your needs.

Stimming:

Keep some of your fidget toys or stimming items at your desk. I keep my tangle and fidget cube there so I don't pick my eyebrows to hell and back. It doesn't always work but it's better than nothing. Keep chewing gum in your car. Chewing tricks your brain into thinking you're eating, which tells your sympathetic nervous system that you're safe. It helps you focus better on driving and keeps you a bit calmer making your reaction times faster and less impulsive.

Reminders:

Keep a pad of sticky notes on your desk, preferably a neon color, and all the pens you own that you don't care about losing. Set a reminder on your phone calendar, your computer calendar, your email calendar, on a sticky note on your wall, and in your physical diary. No chance of forgetting something if you do that, because you can't miss all of them.

Take some time to figure out your grocery list. What do you typically need in a month? Make a printout of that grocery list and keep it on your fridge and your phone, along with a monthly or weekly calendar reminder to go grocery shopping. Before you head out check what you still have plenty of and preemptively check it off on your phone list so you don't accidentally buy too much of something.

Keep a "what's in my fridge" log on your fridge. It makes you more aware of what's in there, how long it's been in there, and whether you should throw it out or eat it or leave it. Keep a chart of how long foods hold in the fridge beside that log. The log lists what is in the fridge, when it went into the fridge, when the product seal was broken, and the expiry date of the product. No more moldy fridge food.

Miscellaneous:

Assign care tasks to another task that's already a regular habit. Keep your morning meds by the kettle, and make taking out a dose part of the process of making your morning coffee. Pick a task you do daily at work, usually in the morning, and assign wearing your glasses to that task. I need my glasses to proofread the print dummies because the font isn't very friendly, so I accidentally got into the habit of making putting on my glasses part of the proofreading process. Brushing teeth is part of makeup. Showering is part of getting dressed. It's easier to complete these tasks if I don't view them as seperate tasks, but rather as steps in a different task that comes more naturally to me.

I keep sticky notes and pens in my car, as well as in my purse when I use it, so I can make notes of things when I need to. Car care notes go on stickies when I notice the need, then I'm reminded of it every time I'm in the car. I typically don't even have to read the note, I see that there is one and usually remember what it was about. This helps me remember what I need to do to maintain my car, because I have gotten in an accident and forgotten about it and drove around with a warped front fender for a month. I currently have a sticky note to get my tire pressure checked when I go home from work tonight on my dash.

That's all I have but TL:DR allow yourself to meet your needs without shame, no matter how strange or childish they seem, and find loopholes to your behavior for the best outcome for your health, safety and productivity. Like I said in the intro it took me 10 months to figure out these, so don't be afraid to take the time to figure out what works for you. It'll be absolutely worth it.

[tales-of-a-wilted-sunflower]

[ mun rn is excited happy stimming over this beautiful piece of art. Wilted Sunny headspace ideas go brrr ^^ big thanks to the mun of @ask-bad-end-sunny for another beautiful piece of art work :D you’re awesome! ]

[tookishcombeferre]

i look at you, in the looking back glass twelve - reading through mayo clinic articles analyzing symptoms, trying to find reasons, meaning, a lesson, or really just anything to make the torment make sense. parents know the answer, hold every key to this jötunn's true identity, yet choose to bury it beneath "normalcy." glamor, gloves, and masks only cover superficial cracks, and my power only grew, because in a world full of ugly ducklings, prize winning golden gooses, and sweet nightingales there is you - maleficent's raven, or are you poe's doomed to whisper "nevermore," ever more. i look at you, in the looking back glass sixteen - lost in wonderland seat belt on the roller coaster of life broken and bent as the world takes you for a ride flung this way and that way, clinging for dear life music your only tether to the world of your birth the words cycling in your mind a swirling vortex of an icy blast - do not fail, do not fall, make something of your life - do not fail your classes do not fall in love incorrectly make something of value out of your life. do it all on your own. i look at you, in the looking back glass twenty, nearly twenty-one - pacing the bridge lost in hysterics, and debating the worth of your life. weighing the scales of good and merit. against the mistakes and botched jobs you have done. heart beating frozen in your chest, and true love is so hard to come by. music plays softly and the birds you have said "good morning" to, each and every blessed day, come to rest in your path. tomorrow, you owe it to them to explain goodbye, but only for now. i look at you, in the looking back glass twenty-five - packing up your classroom for the very last time. you will miss those faces. but, your body will not miss the discordant sounds from the intercom, or the pacing. limitations have always been part of your vocabulary. or, at least, they should have been. weary. you are weary and you have aged three years for every one. so, you stand, clumsily on your feet one last time. pick up the box, saying goodbye to this chapter of your life. spotify recommends me my middle school favorites i hold them in my arms the way they should have been cradled. i hear the taylor swift anthem of 2012. i tether them back to reality and take the coffee away. i hear that marianas trench song that stayed my feet. i leave an extra treat for my unkindness and my murder, "hello again." i hear the song "all star" on the radio. i hold their hand and remind them they have saved the world. i stand on the other side of the looking back glass hearing all the names, seeing all the sights, riding each memory like an ocean wave, i wonder what you'd think of who you became: actor, singer, poet, parent, teacher, and friend. nine years feels like a blink, feet steady as you walk one foot after one foot roses still blooming and no longer wilting petal by petal. no longer counting the days 'till the curse will be permanent. look at you go. so many victories and you dare to call them simple. you have put color back in the sun, brought life back into stone, pulled yourself up out of your wreckage by trusting again. my dear, listen to me, we are a marvel. ~ "through the looking back glass:" the darker side of disney: part 1 P.S. Shuller ** Some personal reflections on writing this below the cut. TW: Suicidal Thoughts and Ideation **

I'm doing some reflections on turning 30. My birthday is coming up in January. I just went to my first Marianas Trench concert yesterday. I've been a Trencher since I was about 12 (2009ish). When I was at the concert, they played two songs from their older albums. (Masterpiece Theater for sure and I can't remember if the other song they played was also from that album or one of their other older albums.) I was lucky enough to have a friend who knew the venue well and got us ADA seating so I could stim while the concert was going on. I was able to have a whole little runway up in the balcony to dance like I used to as a young person. I remember listening to the song "Alibis" from "Fix Me" a trillion times (not literally) when I was in middle school. As I got older, "Ever After" and "Porcelain" became incredibly important songs to me. It was the song "Ever After," if memory serves, that stopped me from deciding to jump off a bridge while studying abroad. I don't think anyone knew how bad it was. But, we get through things, and I'm nine years on the other side of actively thinking of an attempt. I'm so fucking happy and proud. Yet, at the time, I had been absolutely certain my parents were going to disown me for coming out as nonbinary when I returned home. I was terrified of being homeless. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get through school. But, I wasn't sure how I was going to get through life any other way than coming out. Yet, somehow, I managed to stay in the closet and keep living. There are still times where I feel like I wasn't brave enough to accept my fate, and I should have just come out anyway. But, kids, safety is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT. Stay safe first and don't be a martyr. Your feelings, like mine are valid, but know that making my choice is a valid one even if the feelings surrounding it get messy. Things are better now with my family. (As in my dad and I just don't broach the topic, and my mom is trying to get us to facilitate conversation but I've just given up. But, I'm at least "Still a part of the family Madrigal" so to speak.) However, as I was thinking about all of this now that I'm rested from the concert, I decided I wanted to write a series of reflections on life bridging my life from the two different sides of it. Side one is the musical side of it. I love rock music. I love opera. I love all sorts of crazy stuff. I've never met a genre of music I don't like. And, I have a history there. A lot of that, however, is darker and sadder. It's willing to acknowledge its mess and nuance. However, I also have a two year old. I'm watching a lot of Disney movies. I'm watching lots of stuff that has happy endings. But, there is a lot in there that is *sad!* There is a lot there that is dark. There is so much more than just the happy-happy, goodie-good, fun stuff. So, the old school emo and goth parent in me wants to explore that. I want to live into that reality that life is one of push and pulls. It's dark and light. It's not happily ever after. It's happily ever for now, and dark tomorrow. It's windy and rainy for twenty minutes and sunny skies forecasted in about an hour or two. I have a history, and I want the space to record the hard fought wisdom I've earned. I don't know if it will benefit anyone. But, I know it usually benefits me to write it. If you've read all of this, thank you. I'm just kind of in a pensive mood lately. So, thank you for bearing with me.

[ichorwalker78]

The Tallgarden district of the second americo-martian city, Arcadia, was always never really for people like Yvonne and Zeke. I mean, come on, in a city where the rain never stops pouring and the sun is but a grey glow above the black clouds above the enormous undead trees, the disparity between those who can afford to run their hands long the wet leaves, and those who see week-long drug trips in sinking apartments as a break to kill for, it's more than expected for the two of them to look to the high plateau district as something existing only in disconnected dreams, out of touch greenprint posters, and the site of many a romantic radio drama.

Today, they saved up enough to watch the frankentrees wilt together. And today is a most special day; it's one to be experienced Raw.

No uppers. No downers. No stims. No ichor. Not even a smoke. And one wonders why they're both seen as utterly hopeless here.

[greydaysandstarrynights]

Hi! What headcanons do you have about Claudine Frollo?

// Blanket trigger warning for references to child abuse.

Claudine is absolutely not her name, but I haven’t decided on what her name is. I like Catherine but I also like Magdalena, because I think Deenie is still a cute nickname and if anybody deserves cute things, it’s her.

She’s left handed—and Frollo took it about as well as you’d expect. This—and how terribly her father reacted to that—I’m pretty sure I got from a fanfic of yours, but I liked it, and thought Frollo’s reaction made perfect sense, for him and the time he came from, so both became my headcanons too.

She has a very good singing voice, but basically nobody knows that. She mainly knows medieval hymns—Gaudete is her favorite—but she may have picked up a few songs she overheard from the bell tower too. She doesn’t sing those, even though no one is likely to hear, because she doesn’t know what all the phrases mean, and this is the Isle, so they’re probably innuendos anyway, and she isn’t taking any chances.

She’s autistic, but this is less a unique to her headcanon and more the result of me being autistic too, and unable to write neurotypical characters at all. They end up ignoring nonverbal body language or being way too aware of sensory information even when I’m not deliberately writing them that way, and so I just conceded to the inevitable and boom, autistic!Claudine. This goes over, as an old history professor of mine once said, like a screen door on a submarine with her father, who just thinks she’s stubborn, spoiled, willful, etc.

That brings us to: her sensory profile and special interests! So every autistic person is different, but here’s how I usually list Deenie’s sensory aversions and preferences: She loves soft fabrics, like old cotton, silk and satin, but not velvet because it—and lace—are too scratchy. Dresses with high collars bother her, too, because if she winds up sitting on the skirt, she feels as if she can’t breathe. She loves bland, faintly sweet creamy foods, like puddings or mousse or yogurt or custard. The creaminess has to be evenly distributed though. If there are lumps, that’s a definite no go. At the total opposite end of the food spectrum, she also loves foods with the consistency of tanned leather, so, stale bread, chips, etc. if it has the texture of cardboard, she’s probably a fan. The in between, like lunch meat, or wilted lettuce or meat with gristle/fat, she can’t stand, or anything that’s a mix of chewy and hard. She likes dim lighting like candles or twinkling fairy lights, but finds direct sunlight or even really bright artificial light too overwhelming. Her special interests are, saints, Latin, and animals, so she can tell you anything and everything about any obscure medieval saint you can think of, conjugates verbs in Latin as a verbal stim, and knows all the native fauna of the Isle.

For reasons I’m sure are apparent, she doesn’t have meltdowns and hasn’t since she was really little. Instead, she has a mix of shutdowns and maladaptive daydreaming. Shutdowns are like meltdowns except internal. The person can become nearly immobile, and struggle to speak or respond. Sometimes people can go on autopilot, so they can move, but aren’t aware of their surroundings. Claudine does the latter, with accompanying daydreams. She also copes by losing herself in daydreams that are far more real than whatever is going on around her in the real world. Often, the daydreams combine with the shutdowns, and she will lose herself in both when the world around her becomes too overwhelming to bear.

TW Self harm so, there were medieval folks who self flagellated as a form of penance—whipped themselves with scourges, basically—and there’s actually a super small, fringe order of Catholics who practice “mortification of the flesh,” and I…..could see Frollo doing that, and Claudine, horrifyingly, either picking it up from him or being taught it deliberately. I think this is another thing you thought of, too. I have a really dark version of this where she uses matches/candles/the flame on the stove, instead of a scourge, belt, or a blade. I could see Frollo doing it to her, first—while making really disturbing references to hellfire if she doesn’t stop doing whatever it is—and then she just csrries on with it herself.

Frollo distrusts most modern technology, not because he doesn’t know how it works, but because he thinks it promotes idleness and sloth, so they only have electricity and hot water in the shop. In their rooms, they use candlelight and while they have running water, it’s cold, except in the bathroom sinks.

Deenie is scared of thunderstorms, the dark, and small spaces. Thunderstorms for sensory reasons—unpredictable, loud sounds and bright lights—and also, probably, because her dad made some offhand comment comparing the anger of the Lord to a thunderstorm, and the two conceits got fused in her mind, or, given that it’s Frollo, he could’ve outright told her that thunderstorms = God is angry, but either way, she isn’t a fan. Her fear of darkness/small spaces came from being locked in the closet as a child—Frollo’s version of time out. She was supposed to pray/ contemplate/repent of whatever. “sin” she’d committed to get locked up in the first place, but usually she just quietly panicked about what might be lurking in the dark.

[phantomraeken]

WR!Isaac Lahey Facts + HC's

A/N: Please keep in mind Wilted Roses is set in a modern setting!

Im gonna try and split this up best I can!

☆ Disabilities ☆

Isaac has autism. I've had this head canon for so long its UNREAL. He gets over stimmed by loud noises and gunshots.

He has walking aids. (Forearm crutches to be specific) He's not open about what they're for, he also doesn't need them all the time.

Isaac has PTSD. (Im led to believe this is canon but I'd figure I'd include it as is) His father obviously was an asshole. Due to this he'll have panic episodes.

★ Personal Life ★

Isaac skateboards. He has a few boards and is pretty good at it. He doesn't compete like Scott and Stiles have suggested, he just rides for fun.

He loves Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. 'I kissed a girl' is his personal favorite.

Isaac is a math brain, all the way. The definition of a human calculator. Give him any problem and he's got it. Except fractions, he'd rather die then mess with those.

Isaac would prefer not to put a lable on himself so he just calls himself queer. He's aceflux.

He uses He/They/She and masc terms!

Self care is his favorite thing ever. He has a whole routine (if a bit excessive) that he does every night.

Isaac is invested in romance shows. (Brett hates this so much) He gets invested so fast and won't drop it until it ends. Lydia and Isaac have movie nights watching their favorite romance shows.

He hates gore. At all costs. Blood makes him want to throw up or pass out.

☆ Clothing style ☆

Isaac hates getting all dresses up. He's that kinda guy who throws something on, not caring if it matches.

His closet is just very loose clothes that hide his body.

Jeans are the love of his life, ripped, baggy, ANYTHING. His favorite.

He's nor huge a hoodies, he'd prefer a zip up if he's has one on hand. Its much more freeing for him.

The most formal thing he owns is a flannel.

Converse are the only shoes he owns.

For summer he'll wear a T-shirt with a band on it and some ripped jeans with tights.

As for winter he wears jeans (of course) one of Brett's jackets if he can get his hands on them (if he can't Scott is his next option) and beanies. Rarely will he wear boots.

----------------

A/N: WHOOOO- I've had this planned for so long its unreal.

[somewhat-very-insane]

wahh, thank you for the tag !! i think my color worked out perfectly for who my favorite is, they look so nice together...

i'm going to try to tag all my mutuals here, but anyone can join !! @subject--13919 @c0rp53r0t @seragakiidney @dulcifiedjaws @crushingcasanova @mp3-me @sl1cemeupp @jaypostssometimes @trophyhound @deadvxmp @sigma-coded @meows-at-midnight @deepmilkshakepeach @6loodlvstt @gerards-blood @demcnia @cardiac-arresting-sweetheart @lostinthevast-milkyway @cold--carnage @mmanifoldsys @hardly-a-p3rson @cl0wnsexual @mischiefmanifold @will-grahams-eyes @pansyperrish @so--c0ld @wilting-venus @saintvampy @starr-berryyy @angel-beloved @singinginthedarknumber2 @stims-4-breakfast @pupgzut @angelbvn <33333

Tag game!! . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ✨

Birthday colour vs favourite character.

Link to birthday colour

Tagging: @white-flower-blooming // @shaxxophone // @queerferalgremlinnooneaskedfor // @31duskballs // @weepingpussywillowtree // @subtlybrilliant // @jadedzer0// @icarus-suraki // @oneiro-nautical // @fismoll7secinv // @princessofxianle // @quilleth //

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა if you are not tagged but want to join, please feel free to reblog this post with your results and favourite character, I'd love to see it!!