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risingshards · 7 months ago

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I've been hovering around a subscriber number and it's been going up and down a bit and cuz it went down a chunk today I'm a lil anxious, I worry about everything constantly so this probably isn't a big deal, but instead of dwelling on it I'm gonna try and self promote and maybe overcome this subscriber hurdle! So Self Promo Saturday in addition to Storyteller Saturday? Is that a thing already?

Anyways, if you've followed me for a while you've probably seen me talk about my main series, Rising Shards!

Rising Shards is my passion project, a super long web novel that updates Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. It's always tough for me to explain it, but in short it's part fantasy series, part slice of life, part comedy, part adventure, part romance. It's got a huge cast of characters that a vast majority of are queer!

What's life like in a world where monster folks called Cani are as normal as rainy days? What's it like to juggle learning how to use your powers on fantasy adventures with taking tests and giving speeches in class? How about balancing having crushes and getting over breakups with growing tails or having full on werewolf moments? That's what Zeta Faleur, a trans girl getting over a bad breakup, has to do when her fangs come in and she has to go to a Cani school.

Other main characters have to deal with similar issues as well. Zeta's best friend Oka, a kindhearted girl with a troubled upbringing struggles to fit in at school, gets her first crush around the same time she gets her first role in a school play. Kalei, a snarky gamer jock, begins to find her own identity and all the angst and joy that comes with it. Lillia, a by the books honor student, goes through as many crushes as she gets good grades, but what happens when someone finally likes her back? Longtime friends Aira and Laenie face off with the prospect of drifting apart, while similarly close besties Iris and Maia deal with getting closer. Marmalade, a trans girl who is a late transfer to Rising Shards, strains with self doubt and acceptance. Roux goes on a gender focused journey and finds confidence in themselves. Zeta's older sister Stella starts crushing on Zeta's teacher, Dr. Evy Diast, but are there sparks between them? (given that these two also have an 18+ side series which can be read here, the answer is probably yes).

And that's just a chunk of the characters, yes there are somehow more, including wizards, pop stars, goofy principals, princesses, wannabe hall monitors, filming experts, coffee lovers, gambling obsessed gremlins, mean girls, exes, and enemies! I love stories with a huge cast of characters and actually spent time in college getting my writing degree writing essays about series that juggle tons and tons of characters. For the others, you'll have to read the series to meet them! :)

If the length of the series is intimidating (understandable!), I like to think of it like a TV show or a long manga or light novel series. It may be a ton of chapters and words and such, but they're split up into episodes and seasons, so each chunk of episodes is a complete little arc like a TV episode, and each season completes a big story. With such a huge cast and the way I pace the story, I try to use the space I have to the fullest to spend lots and lots of time with the characters.

If you wanna check the series out, it'd mean the world to me. And big bonus if you subscribe as well. :) If Tapas isn't your jam, Rising Shards is also available on Scribble Hub!

Art for Rising Shards is done by the wonderful Flopicas!

#rising shards #chiral writes #hopefully turning anxiety into something productive #instead of dwelling like oh god why so many unsubs AHHHH #unsubs happen it's fine i will survive #girls love #yuri #yuri web novel #lesbian web novel #lesbian fiction #lgbtq writing #lgbt writers #writeblr #i will do a post for reborn soon maybe too

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hersweetrevenge · 10 months ago

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Hi there! <3 I re-watched Halloween Ends yesterday because I was upset and I needed Corey to save me, lmfao, and I wanted to ask you something that I've been wondering about. So, I have no way of getting the novelisation of the movie anytime soon, and you're kinda my only frame of reference for it; so I hope you don't mind me asking you this. When Corey is on his revenge killing spree, he kills those bullies at the mechanic shop. And Ronald is there. And then Ronald comes out to help the kids because of Terry. And only because of that. So, that makes me wonder... Did Corey plan on killing Ronald after he was done with the kids? Is that something that was elaborated on in the novel? Because I keep wondering about that, since Corey pretty much killed everyone that ever wronged him during that night, and Ronald was right there; but Corey didn't kill him (or didn't get the chance to, at least). Terry shot him by accident. But Corey killed his mom, of course. So, it'd make sense if he had at least planned on going after Ronald as well; even though he never actively wronged Corey (only passively, if we look at the way he just sat and watched while Joan abused Corey right in front of him, for example). But more so for completion's sake, y'know? They were on generally good terms, after all. I mean, in your latest post about the novel, you quoted that Ronald is "the loveliest thing" in Corey's life, according to Rohan. So, that makes me wonder all the more. OH, and... I fought with myself to include this point, but anyway- Corey takes the mask off when Ronald comes to help the kids, so that Ronald can see his face and know it's him. And it clearly disarms Ronald immediately and is the reason why Terry accidentally shot him instead of Corey, because he shielded him instinctively. Thus, I keep wondering if Corey meant for that to happen or if he took the mask off in order to assure Ronald that he wasn't actually in danger... It's such a seemingly insignificant thing that I'm thinking about far too much, but it's been bothering me that I don't know, and I was curious if the novel said anything about that at all, or if they just brushed over it there, as well. If they did, I'll just make up my own mind, of course, hdsfdjkfsk Anyway, I'm very sorry for rambling on about this, gosh! I love your blog(s) and everything you have to say about Corey and Rohan, you're awesome!!! Thank you for your detailed posts all the time, they keep me going! Take care! <3

ahhh hi !! thank you so much for sending this ask !! i love talking about this sort of thing more than anything lol and i’m sorry this took a little longer than i expected to reply, i was double checking like every ronald scene in the novel and cross-referencing that with behind-the-scenes details from making of, and re-watching the movie (i didn’t have to do that last one but like you, i needed emotional support from corey too 💗)

WARNING for discussions about (canon-typical) violence, murder, child abuse, abusive households, mentions of suicide and self-harm, and spoilers for the novelisation.

TL;DR – the novelisation does not elaborate on corey's intentions in any huge amount of detail, but it does provide some insight into a few different possibilities for ronald and corey’s relationship and what that would mean for corey's intentions.

general relationship

the novelisation actually gives some really specific details about the cunningham-prevo backstory, but also leaves a lot of aspects vague too.

joan married ronald when corey was 15, and she made it clear to ronald that he would "remain firmly on the sidelines when it came to corey's upbringing" which ronald "gladly" agreed to. so from the very beginning, ronald accepts he isn't going to be an active parent to corey, which maybe means he didn't believe he would do a good job anyway, or maybe he agreed it wasn't his place to parent corey in the same way joan does.

also, corey was already a teenager, he didn't need parenting in the same way a younger child would, which is partly why i think joan waited until corey was older to get remarried, because although being a single parent is difficult, she wouldn't want someone else in the picture as a father-figure for corey.

i don't personally see corey and ronald having a super close relationship, but there are multiple instances that show they are at least comfortable and familiar with each other (in line with what rohan said).

corey had a job before working for ronald, so we know ronald didn't have to give him a job. i hc that corey really wanted to do something stimulating instead of call centre work, and ronald agreed despite joan's grievances over it.

ronald doesn't seem too angry at him for being late, even though it is a regular occurrence (third time in a month).would he be so lenient on anyone who wasn't his stepson?

the gifting of the motorbike is a huge moment of course. that's a big gesture which, in the novelisation, also comes with some stilted bonding when ronald reminiscences that he used to "get laid [...], if you can believe it".

they have their united front moment over dinner when joan is trying to work a reaction out of them and neither gives her what she wants.

a smaller but still significant gesture is that corey uses dumbbells and a pull-up bar in his room to workout, which ronald bought him for christmas. very much feels like an attempt to help corey rebuild his self-confidence.

honestly though, rohan's comment about ronald being the "loveliest" thing in corey's life is probably right, especially as corey's life has been incredibly insular. as the town pariah with an abusive mom, his stepdad being cool about him being late for work is probably one of the best parts of his day.

but then on the other hand, there are moments which do not characterise their relationship very well, including multiple instances of ronald "ignoring" joan's abusive behaviour and not intervening.

to reiterate a previous point: ronald very willingly obliges joan's wishes of not "interfering" with corey's upbringing. her unfounded criticism and distrust of doctors, the school system and anyone other than her taking care of corey should have been a huge red flag (if, of course, any of that behaviour could have been inferred prior to their marriage).

ronald's passivity at being side-lined by his wife, allowing her to continue an unhealthy and unbounded relationship with corey.

when joan is berating corey for "sneaking around" and seeing allyson (the slap/kiss scene), she questions ronald as to whether he knew about the motorcycle, to which ronald stays completely out of it and doesn't answer her, despite her being furious with corey.

however it is a really difficult family dynamic to navigate, with so much nuance. i'm reluctant to say if ronald is a "good" or "bad" stepdad, or whether their father-son relationship is "good" or "bad", simply because their circumstances are so trying and complex. yes, joan has abused corey for a long time, but that abuse also extends to ronald in many ways too, resulting in him allowing (or enabling) joan's abusive behaviour in a flawed attempt to maintain the (toxic) status quo of the household.

did corey intend to kill ronald?

like i mentioned, there isn't any elaboration about corey's intentions in the novel, either through narration or extra dialogue. the scene happens almost exactly as it does in the film, with a few alterations and added background details. it's the surrounding details and plot differences that change my opinion.

i think movie!corey would have killed ronald if he had to. he knew ronald would be at home or at the yard, both of which were places he intended to go (to kill momma and the bullies). i'm not sure he had the same desire to kill ronald as he does the others, especially if he sees ronald in a good light, but to tie up loose ends he might do what is "necessary". i do find it very interesting that he lets ronald see his face though, and i can't decide if that is as a reassurance (he wouldn't kill ronald and ronald should know that) or because it just didn't matter (he's going to kill ronald so even if he sees corey's face, he won't be a liability to worry about).

however, i don't think novel!corey intended to kill ronald. in the novel, despite all of the extensive set-up of joan being abusive and corey's repressed desires to hurt her (and arguably ronald), there's no suggestion that corey planned to go back home as part of his spree and kill joan. if he wasn't going to kill joan after everything she did, i really don't think he'd have plans to kill ronald.

that's not to say there aren't implication in the novel that corey would hurt ronald too. there's a scene after the slap/kiss where corey can hear joan and ronald arguing about him, and once they've gone to bed corey gets a knife and stands outside their room, but ultimately doesn't go in. it isn't specified whether he wants to hurts just joan, or ronald as well.

michael's mask

ahh so when i was re-reading the scrapyard massacre in the novel to try and answer whether corey letting ronald see that it is him was a way of corey saying "you don't have to be scared of me" or even "you should be scared of me", i've come to a different conclusion about the mask.

“Who did this to you?” [Ronald] asked. “Him,” Margo said, pointing across the street. Ronald turned to find Corey twenty feet away on the other side of the fence, pulling Michael’s mask over his head. "Corey?" he muttered in disbelief.

the way the novel reads, i think that when corey puts the mask on in front of ronald, it's the first time he puts the mask on at all. if that is the case, it adds a whole other level to the transition between corey's kills as himself (or as the scarecrow) and his kills "as michael".

earlier, billy's sees "corey's shape wearing his prevo jumpsuit". it's fair enough that billy would assume it's corey without seeing his face, because they know that corey is there, but there's no mention of the mask either.

then, the way it describes ronald seeing corey put on the mask doesn't really indicate that corey was making sure ronald saw it was him. he's already "pulling on the mask" by the time ronald looks over at him; he wasn't waiting for ronald to look he was already doing it.

alternatively, the movie shows corey very deliberately stood there, waiting for ronald to see him and recognise him before he puts the mask on. i'm leaning towards it not being a gesture of reassurance but more of a last show of humanity to someone corey cares about -- "it's me, and i appreciate that you always treated me well, but this is the monster they've made me into".

in both versions, ronald jumps up to stop terry shooting corey. whether he was intending to shield corey or was just getting up to try and talk terry down, i think it says a lot about ronald as a character. he has been very passive this whole time, especially in scenes that take place at home, but in this moment he takes an authorative position to try and diffuse the situation. there's a scared kid with a gun, and his own stepson who he's starting to think might have done something awful, but this doesn't have to continue -- they can talk about it and calm down and whatever it is that has happened can be worked out.

#corey cunningham #halloween ends #ahhh thank you so much for this ask !! 🥰🥰 i've been turning it over and over in my brain for a few weeks now 😈😈#i'll take any excuse to go over the details again and connect established things in new ways #and thank you for including your point about the mask !!#the dilemma about whether he took the mask off and put it back on has not left my brain since i re-read the novel #which is really exciting because i didnt think i'd get anything knew to chew on this late in the game #i also noticed another pattern which didn't fit here but i wanna post about soon #i hope i covered everything you were curious about. my replies get so rambling --#-- i just throw in section headers to make it seem like i know what i'm talking about lolol #(and also thank you so much for being so lovely !! i love talking about corey and as always this is just my interpretation --#-- i'd love to hear your thoughts and honestly community discussion is what fuels so much of my posting because like this is our thing !! )

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osamid · 1 year ago

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an interesting (unpopular? i think?) soukoku opinion i have is i don't think dazai was oblivious to his feelings towards chuuya, like ever. i understand WHY people interpret dazai as having trouble identifying and reckoning with his emotions; i'm not knocking it! there's plenty of evidence to suggest that and also i think it fits with his actions. HOWEVER. for me dazai is the most fun when he's deliberately suppressing and neglecting his own feelings. dazai realizes at the tender age of like 15 that he's at least infatuated with chuuya, and his first instinct is "well how do i compartmentalize that. how do i make sure this doesn't interfere with my plans and our job at the mafia." and then he compromises with his emotions by keeping chuuya close but not allowing himself to seem too affectionate or "trick" chuuya into liking him back. i think this version of dazai is most compelling to me because then the struggle isn't "get blockhead dazai to realize he's in/can love" its "get blockhead dazai to realize he's allowed to indulge in love" which is much more fun, especially when you have seven (or even more, i don't think this mindset would be limited to chuuya) years worth of distancing himself from his own emotions to contend with.

#putting the more negative parts in the tags i think another reason i'm not partial to the “dazai is oblivious to his own feelings” headcanon #is that it sorta implies that dazai isn't self-aware?#which like. he clearly is. i think moments when we (the veiwer) think he isn't self aware is the result of the MEDIA not being self-aware #<- talking about his treatment of akutagawa and other such failures. “don't pity yourself” moment. the whole father thing.#dazai doesn't acknowledge these flaws because the source material doesn't think its a flaw either #but i digress. my point here is that i personally think dazai is so painfully self-aware that it turns into over-rationalizing himself #dazai's emotions to him are just as irrelevant as his physical needs and such like that.#does this make sense? idk #example i'll give: his character growth as he trusts the ada and works less utterly on his own mind #i think dazai is capable of seeing his own trust issues and what not from the very beginning #but it's only after it's been proved to him that him that no total control isn't the most logical option #and in fact trusting his allies CAN work out without pulling every string #that dazai beings to take down (a few) of his walls #its not that dazai doesn't know he has feelings. its that they aren't relevant to him #they cause him grief #fuck up his plans #and (to him) need to be squared away and dismissed as soon as possible #i know that isn't in line with the no longer human novel but WHATEVS #my hcs #bsd #skk #bsd dazai

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leafy-m · 1 month ago

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I can't believe how short my attention span has become. I got library books I *want* to read but literally can't get more than a few pages in before reaching to check my phone

#I want to keep reading!!#I am literally here to read this And Yet---#There's not even any updates to keep me busy and yet I can't get my brain to turn the page #Wtf #Meanwhile I can focus on wiki updates for hours #I don't get it #I used to be able to read novels for a couple hours straight. Now I can't get past page 11.#I'm gonna have to take a wifi break soon

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cj-lyric-a-day · 6 months ago

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Pride Month over now its normal gay time

#ANRFTW turns a year old soon #dunno if itll change any votes but yk #id put ysllb but due to a certain line i dont think tumblr will let me #i would if i could but i was already testing it with Thermo #im lucky those were stated as metaphors #chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cjph #cj singles #cj the before #cj gw #cjgw #cj gothic lit #so many damn names for this album #cj the novel lyric hunt

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theloveinc · 9 months ago

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hello everyone just want to say sorry for not writing lately ‼️ I am just a little low on ideas currently and am waiting on my computer charger to be shipped in ‼️‼️‼️

#I have my Kiri asks I wanna get to soon as I have my compooper again #also I’m trying to think of a long fic idea bc I’m really tired of only writing short stuff (sigh. my own fault)#but I’ve been reading … not trashy novels but … best sellers like Carrie Soto is back and I wanna write a short version of that !!#I’m kinda thinking abt how I can turn that one idea abt Bakugo and praise into something #but idk if I wanna do canon universe or an au #but it’s on the brain !!!#sadly my computer is out of commission rn boo #so behind on hw because of it too LOL thankfully it’s mostly poetry and some other stuff #anyway I just wanted to say how dearly I miss and love u all!!#caitie blabs

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rabbitproduce · 1 year ago

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worst part about making my incredibly niche dnd campaign setting is that i don't have anyone to bounce ideas off of without spoiling them :/

#bunnie talk #it's my turn to dm soon and i wanna make a otome isekai setting where the players have a choice of transmigrating #being reborn #or straight up just characters born in a (honestly pretty mid) rofan novel #spoilers: after the novel's happily ever after the FL got possessed by an ancient evil god that was being revived by a cult and #the world fucking ended lol #so their initial goal is to investigate reports of increased kidnappings and dead bodies that were only briefly mentioned in the novel #only to discover a fucking cult trying to destroy the world #just your typical average otome isekai twist <3 #heavily inspired by DITOEFTV and I Became the Hero's Mom #hoping that the incentive given by the 2nd prince is good enough to entice them to go on this journey lol #it's going to be a mix of combat and RP 'cause i know my party lol

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lieutenant-amuel · 2 years ago

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The more chapters of Was Born To Lead I write, the more I realize there more likely will be no “The History of the History Man” chapter.

#Personal #Was Born To Lead #It’s not like that I just erased Valerio’s backstory it just… doesn’t seem to be fitting to the context anymore?#Valerio was supposed to TELL his story and now I just can’t imagine him rambling about his entire life starting with how his parents met #It just really makes no sense not to mention how long it will turn out #It’s not one or even not two chapters of my usual length #Which also means there will be no Gabe and it obviously sucks #Besides it’s not really reasonable to drop all facts about his life at once?#I mean the next chapter also reveals a huge chunk of his backstory so the chapter ALL about his past might turn out repetitive #So for now I think I’ll limit it by telling the core part aka the one what happened after he got his scars #It’s gonna be a flashback chapter like the thirteenth one about young Valerio #(which means I have so much unused material for writing a separate novel about Valerio)#Honestly I just have strange feelings about it because #I started babbling about the chapter all about Valerio’s past as soon as I introduced him XD #This is one of the oldest chapter concepts I came up with and now I’m just turning away from it aakjsndk #But this is for the better really #And you can’t imagine how many other ideas I abandoned as I kept writing the fic so this is not such a big deal #Especially since I’m not abandoning everything I created for him I abandoned the chapter #All the ideas are still alive and I can come up with another way of how to bring them to life #Upd: hehe okay I think I actually know how to transfer Valerio’s backstory into another chapter #I love my brain

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portugalisinsa · 3 months ago

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#going into the tags hoping i'd see some book reccs but its all discourse ;w;#well i'm not gonna claim these are all highly intellectual works but here's some of my fave adult fantasies#tainted cup by robert jackson bennett#the thief by megan whalen turner#winnowing flame trilogy by jen williams#locked tomb series by tamsym muir#goblin emperor and witness for the dead by katherine addison#a natural history of dragons by marie brennan#the mountain in the sea by Ray Naylor#god killer by hannah kaner#temeraire and scholomance by naomi novik#october daye by seanan mcguire#i'm also getting into t kingfisher books :)#gods of wyrdwood by r j barker was also good#i really need to find more books by non-white authors tho

No babe it’s so cool and hot that you always insist that fantasy books written to meet a 4th graders’ comprehension skills have more complex themes and a greater sense of praxis than anything written for adults

#good point I should actually rec something too #Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke #short and easy to read story about a guy whose psyche is trapped in his work computer #Three Men In A Boat by Jerome K. Jerome #Victorian humorous story about three men (and a dog) going on holiday that shows we've always been like This #Our Wives Under The Sea by Julia Armfield #moody story about a woman whose wife went under the sea and came back... wrong #i loved it but don't expect something that explains anything. It's about grief.#If Cats Disappeared From the World by Kawamura Genki #short and easy read about a man who discovers he's ill and makes a pact with a devil to live a day longer #it's actually so sweet #The Travelling Cat Chronicles by Hiro Arikawa #Cat POV. I don't know what to say. This is so gorgeous and sweet and I cried so much. I love it.#Less by Andrew Sean Greer #Arthur Less is a gay writer who is going to turn 50 soon. Also his lover is marrying someone else.#He goes on a trip around the world to forget about that. Funny short novel.#Devil House by John Darnielle #It's the fictional story of a true crime author dealing with the responsibility of true crime.#Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin #a classic. It's great.#The City and The City by China Mieville #It's a murder mystery set in a very odd city. Too complex to explain in tags #Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami #I'm not sure how to describe it. It's just about life? idk but it's my favourite #How It Feels To Be Colored Me by Zora Neale Hurston #it's an essay. Make this your foray into non fiction #The Break by Katherena Vermette #It's about a family of First Nations women in Canada. It's amazing but warning for SA #Kobane Calling by Zerocalcare #A graphic novel about the author's journey in northern Syria and his visit to Rojava

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stjohnstarling · 7 months ago

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I’m reading some Victorian trash and have found what might be my all time favourite overly-elaborate novel frame story - So we open on a man who's about to move to a new apartment. His friends throw him a party, and at that party they decide to have a seance even though none of them believe in ghosts. Surprise! Ghosts are real. even though this novel is NOT about ghosts (it's about mad science.) Soon the ghost gets tired of table turning and demands a typewriter, and there’s a bunch of fucking around finding the ghost the right kind of typewriter (the ghost insists it has to be some specific obscure brand, and no, this has no bearing whatsoever on the story.) It takes ages. Finally, the ghost possesses one of the guys in order to use the typewriter and it turns out the thing the ghost writes is the entire rest of the novel.

#original post

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rosiereveries · 10 days ago

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Regency!John Price who inherited his brothers duke title, because his brother died without an heir. John was the second oldest son, and he never thought about being the successor to the title, so he chose a military career.

He was a captain who fought wars and won them, not some lord who fancied balls and dressed in fancy clothing. But now he doesn’t have a choice. John comes back home after he has been badly injured in the battle, he was shot in his leg, and he had to use a wheelchair for quite some time.

When he comes home, to the new house and staff who pities him, he doesn’t feel like a man he once was. At the first ball he must attend he can see everyone eyes on him as he stumbles with his cane. He absolutely hates it. So, he makes a plane, he has to quickly marry some girl, make an heir and go live to the countryside where everyone will leave him alone.

You were on the other hand the youngest daughter of noble family. You weren’t rich, but your sisters and brothers married well, so you could keep good family reputation. Now it was your turn to marry, and as you were introduced to the society you quickly came to the realization, that you will probably end as a wife of some old man, who could be your grandfather.

So, when your cousin Johnny mentions, that his loyal friend and mentor John Price is looking for a wife you are interested. He tells you that John is a duke now and that he wants to get married as soon as possible. From Johnnys stories you know that John is a good man, who will hopefully respect you and treat you well.

You don’t get to meet your husband till the day of the wedding. The whole engagement is short and feels very official. He writes you a letter with things that you should know about your new home and your mother and sisters help you prepare for the married life.

When you finally see your future husband standing in the church, you’re quite surprised. He is very handsome, older than you, probably in his late 30s, but you’re sure that if he waited a little, he could find a better wife that you will be. John on the other hand is smitten by you, he also doesn’t understand why you would choose to marry him.

After the ceremony you immediately leave the town. He is very quiet the whole ride to his mansion and even thought you have many questions you stay quiet too. You arrive late in the night, exhausted from the long travel, but the only thing that concerns you is the wedding night. You heard a lot of horrible stories told by maids about their first nights with their husbands. The only thing that John does is that he shows you your room, tells you which butler to call if you have any troubles and he is gone. You’re left in the huge mansion alone and confused.

The breakfast takes place in the dining room. You sit at the table so far from John that you would have to shout to get his attention. He ignores you most of the time. At first you don’t mind it, you finally have some sort of freedom, you explore the land, the house and you find a huge library with many books you want to read.

But after some time, you start to crave his attention. The maids don’t want to be your friends, they think that it is highly inappropriate, you as a couple don’t attend any balls and there is no noble lady in the near distance you could visit and be friends with.

So, you start to write a diary, you write about how you feel and how would you like your husband to actually acknowledge you. Sometimes you also mention that you find him very attractive and the romance novels that you found in the library don’t help your imagination.

One time you forget your diary in the library and John accidentally picks it up. He thinks its some book that he hasn’t read yet. When he realizes that it is your handwriting, he knows that he should put it down, it is not right to invade your privacy. But then he sees his name there and he must know what you write about him.

He reads the whole paragraphs about how your meetings in the dinning room leaves you all flustered and how you crave his attention. He didn’t think that a young girl like you could find him attractive, and he wanted to be a good husband and leave you as much freedom as you could want. He didn’t want to pressure you into any kind of intimate relationship even though he was pressured by the rest of his family to have an heir. John leaves your diary where he found it, without any evidence that he read it.

The next morning, he invites you to eat breakfast with him in the garden. It is far more intimate, and you finally have a conversation with him. He asks you questions about your hobbies, your family and if you like it here.

It finally feels like he is courting you and you leave every encounter with him with rosy cheeks and butterflies in your stomach. He invites you on walks where he holds your hand as you tell him about your day or about the new book you just left. You spend the whole days together learning about each other.

John tells you stories about the war, the battles he fought. His leg heals up perfectly and now, that he is healthy again, he takes you with him when he goes riding. When you ask him if he likes the hight society he tells you the truth. He tells you how much he despises the formal event and the balls and suddenly it all makes sense to you.

You finally understand why he wanted to marry so quickly and why you live alone in the middle of nowhere. You tell him that you loved the dancing and the beautiful gown you could wear at balls but now you don’t mind the quiet life. Now you have him and that is all that matters.

One evening he makes a ball just for you. He invites a musician to play, he buys you an expensive gown and you pretend that you are at some formal event. It’s just the two of you dancing, laughing and drinking expensive champaign he bought for the ball. You dance the whole night and after he walks you to your bedroom he kisses you. It is a soft kiss, just your lips barely touching, but it starts a fire in you, and you want more.

When John realizes that you’re not pulling away he deepens the kiss. He knows that you have no experiences, and he wants to show you that he will treat you well. He spends the night with you, showing you in many ways how much he loves you.

And when you finally fall asleep, he thinks how lucky he is to find a wife like you. When you wake up and you see your husband sleeping in your bad you are very grateful that you accidentally left your diary in the library open on the page that mentioned how hot he was. Such a shame you didn’t come up with the plan a little earlier.

Masterlist

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