#will try to change up the songs(s) and producer(s) whenever i remember!!! :3

[woodwood6000]

INTRO POST

!! RESOURCES TO HELP PALESTINE:

arab.org, operation olive branch spreadsheet, gazafunds.com

Haaaii !!! :3 I'm Wood!! And im currently into vocaloid and anything similar!!

He/him prns please !! ^_^

Strawpage...😈😈

My favorite song(s) and producer(s) r constantly changing but im currently thinking about these ones the most....

When the First Love Ends - ryo

犬と猫 - Tanoshiimagurodance

すべてはまぼろし - ポッジ二

WONDERFUL☆OPPORTUNITY!

ART TAG!! :3 -> #art!

UNFINISHED ART!! -> #wip pile EXCEPT I LIED THIS IS THE PIT OF NO RETURN I PROBABLY WILL FORGET ABOUT THESE GUYS AND NEVER CONTINUE THEM...

Any assortment of Kaito, Meiko, Luka, or Gakupo hanging out with Rin or Len -> #the family(i love the family..)

Other funny ones: #winky #so real

cool graphics (+anything similar) i like :3

reminder for myself DRAW THESE DRAW THESE PLSPLSPLSP REMEMBER PLS PLSPSL

[fandoms-writings]

Peonies and Guitar Strings

Pairing: Rockstar!Bucky x female!Reader

Word Count: 2.3K

Summary: Growing up, you and Bucky were best friends, but growing up and following dreams can be difficult. 

Warnings: angst, tears, reader pushing Bucky to his dreams even though it hurts. 

A/N: This is my submission for @barnesafterglow ‘s writing challenge. I got this idea when listening to Breathe by Taylor Swift, specifically the lines "It's killing me seeing you go after all this time” and “You're the only one I know like the back of my hand" I hope you love it Tiff! <3

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

Loving Bucky was the most natural thing in the world, like breathing. Your heart beat for him as he unknowingly held it in his hands. 

You'd met in middle school when he found you defending a wheezing Steve Rogers from the school bullies on the one day that he had a dentist appointment and missed the first half of the school day. You were yelling profound words that a nine year old shouldn't know as the two older kids ran off. The two boys immediately made you their best friend and turned their duo into a trio, the three of you causing all sorts of mayhem on the school playground. 

You were there when he first picked up a guitar when he was fourteen. He'd joined you and your music loving father at the local music store. It was one of those shops that had a little of everything, from DJ equipment to keyboards to drums. You'd been playing with one of the keyboards when one of the guitars caught his eye. He couldn't not pick it up and try it, so he did just that. You watched as he strummed that first note and it was like his whole demeanor changed. 

You knew in that instant, he'd found his calling. 

He took his own father back two days later and left with that same guitar, bringing it to your house and asking your father to teach him, which he gladly did. You learned too so that he would have someone to practice with. Steve would come over with him just to watch and listen as he read his books. 

As you moved further into highschool, you didn't stick with the guitar playing as steadily as he had, only practicing when you were bored of your other hobbies. But he was always lugging that acoustic around, pulling it out and playing little tunes whenever he could. He'd play soft notes while you did homework with Steve or he'd come over for a family barbecue and he'd play full songs while sitting on the back deck. 

Soon enough, Steve found his adoration for singing and the two started to write songs to play for you. They'd spend weeks perfecting one song - although they were never great because they were only sixteen - and they'd invite you over to hear it on the weekend. 

You knew he would go far with it, it being the only thing that ever interested him, ever. It wasn't far into your senior year that Steve met Natasha who also had a lovely voice but enjoyed play bass. Bucky asked her to join in their little shenanigans of writing songs that no one ever heard but you. And when they found Sam to play the drums, they were starting to sound like a real band. They even had the idea of doing that exact thing. 

They made a name for themselves, picking up the smallest gigs in town at local bars and restaurants, playing covers of loved songs just to get their name out there. You went to every show - if you weren't grounded - and hung out with the whole gang afterwards at whatever restaurant was open in the middle of the night. 

When you all graduated highschool, they kept trying to catch their first real 'break' when a producer heard them at a small gig. It was a local thing the town did for it's small businesses and local artists held at the park, a small stage where people from all over the city would show up to just play what they could for the time allotted. One Tony Stark had been passing through the town when he decided to stop and check out the local event, hearing your best friends playing one of their original songs, and he just had to talk with them. 

You could remember the look on Bucky's face as he told you all about it that night. You'd missed the show due to your part time job, but he made sure to pick you up when you got off. He had a light in his eyes you'd never seen before and a slight skip to his step. You could still remember the way he wrapped his arms around you when you jumped at him with a squeal, talking about how proud you were and that you were excited for him to take this next step. 

But the happiness didn't last long. He eventually pulled from your grasp and the solemn look on his face worried you, turning the warmth in your chest to ice. He explained that signing the contract also meant moving across the country to LA, where Mr. Stark's office was located. 

You urged him to go, that this was the catch they were looking for and to not take it would be foolish. 

"But what about you?" He's asked, "I can't leave my number one fan." You mustered up as much strength as you could to give him as convincing of a smile as possible, fighting the lump in your throat. 

"Jamie," You used his name so he knew you weren't going to budge on the issue, "You can't put your life on hold for me." 

"What if you came with me?" He asked, his eyes full of hope that tugged at your heart. You sighed and took hold of his hands. 

"Buck, you know I can't do that. I've got college and my own ambitions," His smile fell at that as he squeezed your hand and looked down to where your fingers were interlocked. 

"You sure you can't transfer to a university out there?" You let out a sad chuckle and stroked the tops of his knuckles with your thumb. 

"I'm sorry, Jamie," You whispered and the last of his resolve crumbled. He looked back to you, water in his eyes as he nodded. 

"It's okay, it was worth asking," He muttered. You sat there for who knows how long, minutes or maybe even hours, just trying to memorize every detail you could about him. The small dip in his chin, the deep blue of his eyes that always gave away exactly how he was feeling. Even the little freckle on the side of his nose. You wanted to remember all of it. 

"I'll tell you what," Your voice cut through the silence in a soft tone, "We'll make the most of the time you have left until you leave. We'll take all the pictures we can, do everything in town. Bowling, hiking, farmer's markets, all of it. That way you will never forget me." 

He gave you a grin and squeezed your fingers again, "I could never forget you." 

You took him to do all the things you could fit into two months before he and his bandmates - your friends - left for LA. You went to Coney Island, bowling, the movies. Everything you could think of, you did it. But now it was time for him to go. 

You were standing on the curb of the street in front of your apartment as Bucky and Steve stood from the car. They'd already packed the vehicle with everything they could fit and had stopped by for one final goodbye. You hugged Steve, telling him to take care of himself, though he didn't really need to, that last growth spurt giving him the height and muscles of a linebacker. You also asked him to take care of Bucky, and he gave you a knowing smile before promising that he would. 

You turned to Bucky, Steve taking his place in the driver's seat to give you and Bucky some privacy. You and Steve were friends and you were incredibly close, sure, but you and Bucky were different, and he knew that. 

You reached down to the box at your feet, grabbing it before standing straight again. You held it out to him, "Don't open it until you're on the road, okay?" He grinned and took the box from you. 

"What if I want to open it now?" He asked, slowly moving his fingers to the edge of the lid, teasing you. 

"Well, too bad, Rockstar," His eyes softened at the nickname you'd started using the day he signed the record deal. 

"Alright, fine," He turned to place it on top of the car before looking back at you, the tears in his eyes mirroring the ones in yours. He tried his best to give you a smile, and you gave your best one back. 

You knew Bucky better than anyone else in the world - better than he knew himself sometimes - and you could tell he was fighting with himself as he stood and just looked at you. Something about the way his eyes would look down to the ground for a moment before looking back up at you for a long while was what gave it away. You knew how hard it was for him to climb into that car and leave the city he'd grown up in, to leave you. It was equally painful watching him go after all these years with him by your side. 

Suddenly, he jumped forward, wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your neck. Your arms wound around his back, gripping at his shirt, wrinkling it in your grip but you couldn't care less about it. He squeezed the life out of you, but you didn't mind one bit. 

After a while, he sniffled and pulled back, cupping your cheeks with his big hands and landing a soft kiss on the top of your forehead. 

"I'm gonna miss you," The way his voice tensed told you there was more he wanted to say, but he was holding back. 

"I'll miss you too, Buck," You whispered, standing on your toes to kiss his cheek, "You better keep in touch with your rockstar schedule." He let out a wet laugh as he nodded. 

"Of course, and I'll come back to visit you. Maybe we'll even put on a show and you can see us on a bigger stage than the one at the farmer's market." You giggled at that. 

"If you hold a show here, you better let me be the first to buy tickets," You were laughing around the emotion in your chest, trying to hold it in until he was gone. 

"Always," He finally let you go, "I have something for you." Your brows pulled together in confusion as you watched him open the trunk of the car, and then they shot up in surprise at the very familiar guitar case he pulled out. He walked back to you, holding it out. 

"Bucky. . ." You whispered. You knew exactly what this was. The stickers you'd helped him collect over the years, covering its surface, stared up at you. 

"I want you to keep it, take care of it for me while I'm gone," He muttered, holding it out to you. 

"Won't you need it?" You asked, hesitantly reaching for the handle where your fingers brushed together. 

"Probably, but Mr. Stark said he'd get me a new one," He held his hand up before you could argue, "I'm not taking it with me, so either you keep it safe for me or it gets left on this curb." 

You stared up at him with wide, sorrowful eyes before he let it go into your hand, "Okay," You whispered, setting it next to your feet, "You better come back for it." 

"I will," He gave you one more hug, "I promise." 

You gave him one more squeeze, trying to commit the way his arms feel around you to memory. The way your chest always filled with warmth whenever he was around. The way your heart stuttered whenever he looked at you with that crooked smile and glint in his eye. 

"Goodbye, doll," he whispered into your skin before letting you go. You watched as he grabbed your box from the roof of the car and slipped inside, rolling the window down as he looked at you. 

"Bye, Jamie," You whispered, taking a step back from the curb so they could pull away. 

You watched Steve's car take off in the direction of the interstate and it wasn't until they were out of your sight that you let the emotion lodged in your chest loose. You solemnly picked up the guitar case and walked your way back inside your apartment, shutting the door and collapsing on the couch, numb. 

Your best friends were gone, but so was the love of your life. You didn't want to tell him how you felt, fearing that it would sway his decision to stay here until they landed a record deal in the city and you wouldn't have that. You didn't want him to put his dreams on hold for you, even though you knew he would've. Regardless of if his feelings were romantic or not, he would've put everything on the back burner if it made you happy, so you had to be the one to push him out. 

You eyed the guitar case. The stickers from all the places he performed, and ones you found in little gift shops that made you think of him littered it's surface. You remembered picking out each one for him and helping him find the perfect spot for each one. They were worn and faded, but each one was so precious in your memory. You opened the guitar case and you couldn't stop the small gasp that left your lips. 

There was a peony stuck between the strings with a photo of the two of you at your last outing. It was you sitting on the bench with him at the fair, the biggest funnel cake in your hands and the brightest smiles on your faces. Gently pulling both items from the strings of the instrument, you turned over the picture to find his oddly pretty handwriting on the back. 

Never stop dreaming. . . You let out a small sob at the words, remembering the time you'd told him the same thing when he talked about giving up on his music dream, scared that he didn't have what it takes.

. . . and never stop smiling, you're too beautiful for that.  - your Rockstar

As always, thank you so much for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are all appreciated!

If you liked the story, please consider checking out my ko-fi 💜

Taglist:  @spid3rgwen @austynparksandpizza @imjustace @dancer3205 @shadytalementality @leosandbuckysgirl @chwlogy @hysteriadarling @peaches1958 @historygeekfics @slutforsexyseabass @oceaniamaddness (if your username is crossed out, it won’t let me tag you)

[spishidden]

Ranking the Nijisanji EN debut songs

This is just my opinion so don't take it seriously. I'm also not trying to hate on any of the people involved I love them all very much and think that they're all incredibly talented! This is just for fun.

4- Hope in the Dark

I'm srry Luxiem you guys are my favorite but compared to the other songs here this is at the bottom for me. I think that the instrumentals shine the most here ESPECIALLY with that beat drop in the chorus that's my favorite part of the song. The beginning is also rlly great it builds up the hype rlly well. My biggest issue is I don't like that rap part with Ike and Vox the lyrics don't sit well with me and I think it lasted too long. The song would've benefitted from more vocals in general and it would've been nice to hear more of the guys' singing. The small Japanese lines actually fit nice they didn't feel out of place at all. Finally I imagine if there was one more incredibly powerful chorus at the end to finish it off it would've made the song wrap even more nicely. Overall it's great but could've been better, 6/10 would listen again

(Also why is there album cover so much lackluster than the others c'mon the boys deserve some cool art too > <)

3- Black Out

AAA this was hard but Black Out is gonna sit at number 3. Just like the last song THE INSTRUMENTALS GO SO HARD HERE! I absolutely love the build up at the beginning and the atmosphere it created in the intro gives me chills. The best part of this song is the pre-chorus, most specifically the second pre-chorus. I love that they brought in the acoustic guitar it just blended so well with Petra's vocals. Speaking of the vocals I do think sometimes the instrumentals were overpowering their singing especially in the chorus but at the same time a part of me rlly likes the chaos there. Selen's rap is great didn't have much of a problem with it. Line distribution was good and the song ended with a bang I loved it. 7.5/10

2- God Sees All

I've replayed this song so many times omg the replay value is very high for this one. This and Black Out feel almost the same it's that I've listened to this one more so it's at number 2. Another strong intro and yes EVEN MORE AWESOME INSTRUMENTALS! This is the same producer that made Hope in the Dark so I'm not surprised that both choruses go so hard. Those short "tick tick"s in between the lines are so good??? I would like to take this time to express my confusion over the line "Somewhere someone is still thinking about someone else". It doesn't flow well idk why it's here it's my least favorite part I wish it was replaced with a different line. Anyways the part after it though is SO GOOD the melody change is awesome. "We're Ethyria Yea" yes queens go off 8/10

1- Diamond City Lights

This was easy omg I love this song sm. BEST LYRICS THIS HAS THE BEST LYRICS OUT OF ALL OF THEM. While it doesn't have the hardcore edm instrumentals of the other songs I think the guitar, synths, and percussion bring out a more natural feel that fits well with the vibe of the song. Whenever I listen to this song it lifts me up and makes me smile. AND GROUP CHORUSES I LOVE GROUP CHORUSES. It has both a strong beginning and ending, it has that last chorus that I absolutely love, the instrumental break doesn't feel out of place, pre-chorus slaps the buildup is wonderful. This song is just the whole package and Lazulight's vocals make it even better. The only minor issue is some of the lines might've sounded better if it was a bit higher cause sometimes it feels like they're struggling to hit the low notes but it's not that noticeable and even then they killed it. "Diamond City Lights illuminate what's inside" 9/10

Thanks for reading my review hoped you liked it! Plz be respectful and remember this is just my opinion

Photo is by @sakumanuts check out their layouts they're great ^^

[defdaily]

BEAUTY+ Magazine May 2021 issue featuring JAY B: The Second Act

Translated by defdaily

Among the past, present, and future, which do you think about the most?

The present. I believe that the present is the most important. The future makes you worry constantly, and the past makes you regret constantly so I try not to think about them. Now, I try to make decisions I won’t regret.

Do you think about your current state and things you want to do?

I contemplate a lot about the state of my emotions or what to do in my current situation. Ever since I was young I thought it’d be good to live like the flowing water, tranquilly. You know how water changes its state based on its surroundings. I want to be someone in the free water-like flow.

Has your life until now been like free-flowing water?

My life itself may seem spectacular, but I think the flow of my life itself has been. There was a lot I was lacking in since debuting with GOT7 but I tried my best to show a colour suitable for GOT7. I changed myself according to the container I was in, and instead of being stagnant in one place, I think I flowed here well.

You seem to be careful with choosing an agency. What factors are you contemplating about?

I think about whether I will suit the company. It might be tiring for others to see because I’m so meticulous, and I may seem selfish but I think that I should be selfish right now. My future depends on it as well as the future of the company I will be going to. I think I will have to be selfish for both sides to produce good results.

The members showed their natural sides in the Encore music video. Looking back to 7 years of GOT7’s activities, what is the most memorable moment?

Since we’re performing artists, I remember a lot of moments on stage. 2-3 years ago in Thailand we performed our solo tracks for 7 days and then performed OUT all together as a group. I think a lot about how we were all so excited to perform. I think of those times we were together as seven.

What kind of team was GOT7? Judging as a leader?

The direction of GOT7 I thought of was a fun and free-spirited team. Since Look came out, I’ve been telling the company that we “shouldn’t try too hard to set the mood or look cool. Songs with a style like Look will be our strength.” I don’t think things turned out the way I thought they would. But as you can see from our last album’s song ‘Breath,’ it feels like we went in circles and came back to our original spot. There is some regret about how it would've been good to go more in that direction, then we could’ve shown a more solidified colour. But as a result, it’s a fact that we became a team capable of pulling off various colors.

Did you make those suggestions thinking about the members, because you thought it was what set you guys apart from other groups?

I talked a lot with my members. It seemed like they had the most fun with bright, fun, and chill performances. With performances like that, we think about harmony rather than how each of us can look cool. It leaves a greater impression on the fans when we are visibly having fun.

It seems like the public has also watched over the growth of JAY B. Starting as a bboy to a main vocalist, and writing many remarkable K-pop songs. You also played a huge role in establishing GOT7’s colour. What led you to grow and develop in that way?

I thought that if I felt like I wasn’t growing, then I should quit music.

Does liking it not serve as a reason?

Because it’s my job. Being able to do what you like as a job is something to be grateful for. But if my skills don’t meet the standards and if there is no growth despite my efforts, it’s only right to do it as a hobby. I didn’t think that there was no growth when listening to my music. I thought it could work if I tried a bit more.

What was a song you feel like you reached a new level?

‘Teenager’ and ‘PAGE.’ I think the team’s color was completed with those songs. It helped me realize that I had the potential to write such songs. At first, I was persistent with sticking to my musical color. Later, I changed my thoughts and decided I should write songs suitable for GOT7. It’s something I should obviously do as a member of the team. I think that’s where ‘Teenager’ and ‘PAGE’ lined up very well.

The album 7 for 7 containing ‘Teenager’ was a turning point for GOT7. Through that album, we got the feeling that you guys found your color and most importantly, the quality of the songs written by the members was great. What happened during that time?

I think that’s when our potential exploded (laughs). GOT7 had three turning points. The first was ‘Stop Stop It.’ We heard the song and thought “Wow, this is it.” But the outfits were a bit regretful. The music and the visuals didn’t really match. We wore overalls (laughs). The second turning point was when the Flight Log trilogy was released, and the third was ‘Teenager’ of 7 for 7. That song later led to ‘Look’ and we got to sing ‘PAGE’ and ‘THURSDAY.’ Then we suddenly tried to change our direction to ‘ECLIPSE’ and ‘You Calling My Name’ but eventually ended up back to ‘Breath.’

When you listen to ‘Look’ or ‘PAGE’, do you feel like GOT7’s musical colour reflects your own preference and style? And you’ve made many GOT7 songs with ØFFSHORE crew.

It’s hard to say it wasn’t reflected. But according to my standards, they are songs I wanted to write for the team. I talked a lot with the crew about what (kind of song) should GOT7 do and what would suit GOT7. ‘Look’ was a song that was released because the mood suited GOT7 well. After that it was ‘PAGE’ and ‘THURSDAY’. Our colour was included naturally.

The 8 members of ØFFSHORE are consistently releasing albums. How is that taking place?

We talk about what we feel and decide on a theme whenever we want to release an album. When we decide on a theme, each person would write songs relating to the theme, we select songs and release an album. The themes usually come up as we are talking casually about life. For example <Scene 1> contains the process of leaving on a trip until coming back. Rather than the lyrics, the moods of the songs are like that. When you start the trip you listen to fun songs then (we) get a little calmer as the trip comes to an end. I organised the order of the songs for <Scene 2>. When talking with friends, you usually start by talking about work then you talk about life, the future and then you end up talking about love and relationships. I organised it as that kind of story. There is no specific goal. We spend the revenue from albums on production for the next album. Because everyone in the group are people who make music, there are things that were settled music-wise through these promotions.

You must have been influenced by your friends a lot not only musically, right?

Yes, of course. Regarding life too. I listen to what my older brothers/friends and my parents have to say. I think about the stories of the people who experienced it first once again. One older friend said “We are not doing this for a huge goal, don’t get stressed and let’s just make music.” When I was pondering about how to do better, I heard that and it hit me. Should I say, those words painted my life with colour. I felt like working with energy and strength didn't suit me at the time.

Is it true that you have made 3 albums? Do you only work on songs every day?

Yes. I usually stay in the studio when I can't do my hobby. And since the people I meet are friends who do music too. I don’t know if I can release an album but I’m preparing and working on it.

What kind of albums are they?

In the past, I made powerful “performance-type” songs, but for this album the mood is calmer and the sound is minimal. There is an acoustic feel too. There is a soft tender album, a sad album and a melancholic album too.

Where did the desperation come from?

The desperation of life. I can’t talk about it in detail but there was a topic I really wanted to talk about when I made the album. It could become an album that people frown upon. But, for the music I do alone, I thought I should include honest stories that match my situation.

Did you write about the pain and difficulties you’ve felt all this time? On the surface, you seem to be a recognised leader of a successful idol group, but you must have faced difficulties.

Yes. It’s one part of my life too. Looking back, the difficulties were caused by my own tendencies rather than external factors.

Is it because of the perfectionism you push onto yourself? It seems like the uncertainty and fear contributed to creating your current self.

Yes, I’ve never thought of myself as a perfectionist but people around me often tell me so. They must have a reason for saying that so I ended up acknowledging it myself. I was really ambitious with GOT7 too so I felt a lot of disappointment and stress. I work hard because I know if I don’t, it’ll come back to me as regret. It’s okay to look back to times when I didn’t know well enough and think, “I should’ve done this, I was naive.” What I hate is doing just enough because of reasons like lack of stamina despite knowing what I need to do and knowing that I’m not yet satisfied.

Until now, you’ve made music with the name Def. and through the JUS2 comeback, you also let us hear dreamlike songs from a baritone. Escaping from the category of idol, you now need to create a new identity – is there a kind of music you would like to do fresh?

It’s hard to say it rashly now but, whatever I do, I want to do it properly and solidly. I do prefer a relaxed and easygoing mood, but when it comes to music genres, R&B, hip hop, urban and pop will definitely be the groundwork. However, I do hope that my image will not be fixed to one (genre). It’s no fun to keep doing the same kind of music. And I’m sure there are times when I’ll have to become a little wilder. It’d be great if (I had) a free image. I also hope it’s an image that I won’t be embarrassed of. After coming to a new company and releasing an album, if it doesn’t do well, I think it would be right for me to leave.

Aren’t you fearing failure too much? How would it be possible to achieve what you wish in one go?

Of course, I’m scared. I’m very afraid of failure. Naturally, it won’t be possible to succeed in one shot, but I do have the standard of my Maginot line*. That is what I am referring to. I am usually the type that thinks of the negative things first. It’s not good to be unprepared for the worst-case scenario.

*Maginot line – taken from the fortifications that created the French line of defence, now coming to mean “a defensive barrier or strategy that inspires a false sense of security”

You’ve said that GOT7 has not disbanded, however since all the members are under new companies, coming back together as GOT7 will not be an easy thing to achieve. What kind of method are you thinking of?

I’ve talked a lot with the members. It’s our goal to write one song each month for GOT7. If it’s 1 year, then that’s 12 songs. All our members write songs, so if each one of us does that, then we can accumulate a lot of songs. Everyone is in different companies which will have their own situations, so I can’t make promises for certain, but our goal is to release one album every year. It would be great for that to happen, and I personally think that it should happen. Because that is the minimum courtesy we should show to our fans. It would be even better if we could have a stage.

It would be a new concept.

We heard that the release of our song ‘Encore’ was in an unprecedented manner, and this made my sense of duty and responsibility bigger. Because the steps we take in the future could influence the direction that others may take in the future too. I thought it was the end, but it’s only just the beginning,

Amongst your many hobbies, is there anything you would like to recommend?

Camping. Activities such as setting up tents and cooking really make you think. Even just sitting down in a chair surrounded by nature is really great. Waking up to the sounds of birds singing is amazing; the sound of water running too. Recently, I bought a folding furnace and create my own little fire space. It could be seen as something embarrassing but while having the fire there, if negative thoughts come up, I write it down and then burn it in the fire. If you think that camping may be tiring, glamping would be good too.

Since the name of the magazine is Beauty+, I wanted to ask, is there something that you thought was beautiful recently?

People passed by me laughing and making some noise, and as I saw that, I thought that laughter was something really beautiful. I realised why smiling and laughing is a beautiful thing. It’s not just laughing or smiling, but the emotions that encompass that are really so beautiful. Everything natural is beautiful.

Translated by defdaily.

[straighttohellbuddy]

📓 !!

Okay im so excited please know I think about How The Light Gets In's world every day still, and so anyways here is a side story I want to write but there's a lot of set up regarding the reader and eef becoming friends again. For context, they were incredibly close around 2014-2017, but people were getting creepy and invasive and demanding about their friendship (think 2012 toxic side of the Phandom, if that makes sense), and a lot of the reader's relationships were strained at that time because while they had been successful before, they were absolutely blowing up after their first album released and they became far more mainstream. They felt like they were bothering the people they had become closest to, both because they're worried that they're a bother, and because gossip rags and paps would harrass their friends looking for a scoop, and so they ended up just completely cutting off contact without warning one day right before they went on their first tour. the start of HTLGI is about 3 years since they'd been in proper contact with any of the creators they were close to at that time.

DON'T LOOK AT ME on their 2017 ep Hyperfocus was a more general song in response to everything that had been happening in their life around that time, with a focus on how they stop associating with anyone for a while, without outright addressing it, but on their latest album n o s t a l g i a, read at 5am ft. Troye was specifically written at the start of quarantine, when the reader was getting back into YouTube, about their feelings regarding how their friendship with ethan ended, as they spent a lot of this time looking back of their YouTube career, and he was the person they were closest to for a very long time, before they iced everyone out.

OKAY SO THERES MORE OF THE BACKGROUND OF THE WHOLE FIC AND THE READER BUT

Werewolf Ethan & Mark. I'm sorry I don't make the rules. They have golden retriever energy you cannot change my mind. But also because this is the HTLGI you know that supernatural characteristics are able to be activated rather than just triggered by the full moon. What I'm trying to say is since this is set in the year of Unus Annus, they film a video together that's like, you know that show where a person has to try and outwit a professional tracker? Except its the reader being tracked by two werewolves at night in a national park. Reader is wearing some sort of night vision camera on themselves so whenever it cuts to them the audience can't actually see how they're using their powers, if that makes sense.

Also the reader agreed to this knowing it would probably be when they ended up telling Mark and Ethan about them being a demon.

Video is titled Hunting Down An Old Friend

A few Moments that the boys edit out:

The reader using their stupidly sharp prehensile tail to swing from tree branches, though they leave in shots where the reader's tail can't be seen.

Knowing that with the werewolves having advanced hearing, the reader would give themselves away by talking to the camera, they take a few minutes having flown up to a high tree branch, to pull out a notebook and do a little sketch of how Mark and Ethan appear in their Demon True Sight, and holding it up to their camera.

Werewolves being one of the animals who can kind of sense demons without being able to identify them, essentially like dogs can sense natural disasters and are often good judges of character, this can be heightened on command for werewolves. There's about 15 minutes of footage cut out of the boys discussing or mentioning how this place has awful vibes and that they should have done this during the day. It gets worse as they get closer to the reader, who didn't realise that the boys hadn't thought to ever use that particular power around them before.

("I say this with so much love and appreciation for you, dude," Ethan yells, looking up at you from the base of the tree they'd finally found you in, "but I- this is making me anxious I feel like something terrible's gonna happen, and we should probably get out of here and film the rest of the video back at Mark's." And behind him, Mark's nodding, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes scanning the trees for whatever was most likely the cause of this terrible impending doom.

Oh. It's you. And they don't know its you.

Now or never, you suppose.

"Can you cut the cameras for a second? You're going to be fine I promise," you called back, and though they obligingly did, they both seemed antsy. You cleared your throat awkwardly, "that... that terrible feeling, that's not the park or anything in it- well I mean, it is, but it's just- it's me."

and later

"Dude your wings smell like rotten eggs."

"To YOU Ethan! And no they don't!"

"If it makes you feel better they smell like burning and rotten eggs."

"It does not."

(for reference, when enhancing their sense of smell werewolves can kind of distinguish various supernatural creatures, or parts of supernatural creatures. Some creatures have an inherent scent, but some, like angels and demons, only have distinct scents when they've activated certain attributesor abilities; demon wings smell like fire and brimstone, which unfortunately means burning and rotten eggs. I like to think angels wings are like the love potion in Harry Potter that smells like the things you love the most. Mark and Ethan usually don't enhance it around each other because they smell like wet dog to the other)

This gets about 2k notes on tumblr. The reader likes it:

Ethan finally finding Y/N at the end of Hunting Down An Old Friend (2020) Colourised.

Other things to note regarding all this:

It takes a while to rebuild their friendship to the point where they're comfortable enough to be on camera together (eef and reader specifically).

However, the Unus Annus video is the first thing they properly do together, and the reader, in an effort to connect more and make up for the past, will join in multiplayer gaming streams if asked.

Impromptu duet in proximity Among Us of Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy, which has their respective chats and fandoms losing their minds, except it stops abruptly after the first chorus as they both remember the opening lines of the second verse (make it easy, say I never mattered -- those lyrics hit a little too close to home)

But also the reader convinces him to join him for a proper cover in like, February of 2021, and it's something deeply sappy (I'm thinking Bon Iver by mxmtoon because I think its sweet and fits them well)

Also Ethan being reminded that the reader is kind of a much bigger deal than when they'd been friends before.

designed to hurt (touch me) from their ep Working On It is nominated for a Grammy for Track of the Year, and n o s t a l g i a wins Best Pop Album (because it's my fic and I said so)

FIRST OF ALL designed to hurt (touch me) is a beautifully produced song about Corpse (which people do not know) and the title itself is literally making fun of something he said IMAGINE his reaction to it being Grammy Nominated 😂😂😂 God he'd be proud but lowkey fuming, meanwhile the moment the nominations are announced the reader tweets:

me: here is an album where I processed my entire world view including heartfelt explorations of the trauma of existing and oversharing in the public eye from a young age without the traditional barrier between audience and entertainer

the grammys: that's cute BUT you know the song you wrote to bully your boyfriend and also be horny on main for him before you guys were even dating? THAT deserves its own recognition.

meanwhile Ethan's like..... this is the same person who I filmed a video with playing cards against humanity, and you laughed so hard you almost threw up. I am very proud but deeply confused.

The Hot Meme of Late April 2021 is "2 time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" with a gif, still, or quote from the reader where they're just being an absolute chaos gremlin.

Of course we have "If I bleached my asshole for charity I'd do it tastefully."

2 Time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N speaking to their actual boyfriend in the year of our lord 2020: You are being executed for Clown Crimes.

ethan posts a short video to twitter simply of his screen where he's renaming a folder from "Never Before Seen Images of Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" simply changing it to 2 time Artist. The reader responds specifically to his tweet with a video of themselves asking Google how to hard reset someone else's computer.

So many screenshots from old videos surface that week.

I miss this world. Sorry this is rambly!!

[whitherliliesbloom]

weaving the present, illuminating the future

[ ffxivwrite2021 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #30 - abstracted ]

[ illya & friends ] ★ [ 2,849 words ]  ★ [ streamers au ]

modern / streamers / online celebrities au where the spud squad are all popular streamers who frequently collab together. centers around illya and kaye mainly, but briefly mentions a bunch of other friends and illyanaud.

abstracted- withdrawn in mind, inattentive to one's surroundings

the spud squad announce their indefinite hiatus right after releasing their one year anniversary single, and illya cannot help but to feel just a tad bit melancholic.

Illya hasn’t bothered checking her notifications, or looked at either her computer screen or mobile phone, really. The sounds of ping after ping on linkcord, text after text and the flood of new tweets mentioning the one tag she followed on twitter easily made her overwhelmed - and so she’d opted to switch her devices off entirely before burying herself under the covers for the evening, trying desperately to distract herself with a copy of a manhwa that she’d borrowed from Laurelis. 

But it was futile, her head is empty and heavy, yet swirling with a myriad of many emotions all at the same time. And after feebly reading and re-reading the same page over and over only to realize she hadn’t been paying attention to the contents of the book at all, she closed the manhwa shut with a heavy sigh before closing her eyes, praying to the heavens that exhaustion would lull her quickly to sleep.

Outsiders would merely assumed she was simply nervous from the release of their newest single, Ultramarine Hymn, a collaboration between the members of their massively popular streamer group made in celebration for their one year anniversary. They’d prepared for months, working together with a widely renowned music composer and even performing live on stage with a set of professional make up artists, producers and videographers to film their first ever music video.

For everyone barring Mint, it’d been their first time ever singing and dancing for a large audience online. While the experience had been undoubtedly fun, it was still their first real exposure doing anything of such professionalism and scale- and so her flat mate Kaye wasn’t surprised at all to find her shaking like a leaf as she sat next to him on the couch just several minutes prior to the premier of the video.

While the premier of their first music video was indeed a good half of the reason why Illya felt so out of sorts and nervous for the rest of the night up until sunrise, the true reason for the melancholy she bore in her heart came from the announcement that was posted right after the release of the music video, and it’d kept her awake for a good portion of the late night until she mercifully fell asleep, clutching the lavender purple ribbon she’d worn in the music video tightly in her hands.

The spud squad was going to go on an indefinite hiatus shortly after the release of Ultramarine Hymn - a result of an eight months long business trip Kaye had been assigned on as a professional programmer. Streaming and being something of an internet celebrity was never the man’s main source of income, so it’d be unwise of him to turn down the golden opportunity to further his career in favor of staying behind to continue streaming. 

Naturally, Lily was going to move overseas with him as well - and while she has made it clear to her audience that she will continue streaming whenever she could afford the free time to, the radically different time zones between Eorzea and Doma meant it’d be difficult to participate in anymore spud squad activities - at least until she and Kaye would return.

Mint too, announced that she’d been preoccupied with practicing for auditions into several professional idol management companies... and while Illya herself isn’t as busy as the other three, juggling between helping with business at her mother’s florist, studying for an entrance exam into a medical school and streaming on top of that has become quite a hectic endeavor. 

Thus with much reluctance, the six of them came to a consensus and decided to announce their indefinite hiatus, a news that they’d hoped would sit well with their impressively large audience of fans if it came with the release of a music video to remember them by.

Illya knew that it was a necessary change of process - that new doors are being opened for each of them and it was only right for them to seize the opportunity to chase their dreams. Deep inside, Illya truly did feel overjoyed for her friends, loved them all with of her heart so much that the hiatus was but a small fraction of the cost to pay in exchange for their happiness.

But that didn’t mean there wasn’t a hint of melancholy and bitter sweetness within that earnest joy and cause for celebration. None of the six of them knew when they’d next be able to work on something like this again, or if they’d even find the time in the future to work together again at all. It was perhaps because of their shared understanding - that unspoken sadness between all of them that they’d agreed to prepare something special to celebrate one year of their collaboration - a song that spoke of hope and a brighter future. 

‘The more you give up, the more regrets await you.’

By the time the sun rose, accompanied by the shining of morning light through her pastel pink curtains and the melodic chirping of birds nesting upon the wisteria tree just outside her window, her phone has been assaulted with a mountain of unchecked notifications that she dreaded to sort through. 

The girl knew she couldn’t possibly keep her phone locked and switched off forever, and so she’d booted it up after washing up in the shared bathroom, before walking out of her bedroom, staring down at her screen with a light frown.

The smell of fried bacon wafts through the apartment. The sound of sizzling oil intermingles with Hazel’s cheery singing, and Illya takes the time to open the latch of her enclosure, allowing the little sparrow to flutter about the living room until it settled peacefully next to the potted sunflowers that sat upon the window sills of the kitchen, watching the raven haired man flipping eggs effortlessly with a flick of the frypan. 

“Good morning, Kaye. Thank you for making breakfast, again.” Greeting with an ever bright smile, Illya sits herself down at her designated seat at the dining table upon a bright floral cushion, watching as the man turns his head back for a moment before returning his attention to the stove. 

“It’s Sunday, so it’s my turn. You don’t gotta thank me.” He walks over to the dining table to dump the steaming hot sunny side ups and crispy bacon onto their plates, cups of orange juice already poured and waiting, which Illya takes into her hand to take a quick sip out of.

“You checked eorzeatube and twitter yet?” The young man asks as he sets the frypan down, gesturing towards the phone in her hands.

“N-no... Is it urgent?”

“Not really, no.” Kaye raises an eyebrow, sitting himself down and jabbing a fork into his bacon. “But aren’t you curious about how the music video did?”

“I-I am... A little, I suppose... but-” 

Her stammer gives her away her listlessness, and Kaye shoots the girl a furrowed scowl and a frown. 

“Is somethin’ botherin’ you?” The man asks, and Illya’s lips curl upwards into a wide, deceptively warm smile.

“Just nervous is all.. What if the fans didn’t like it?” it wasn’t a complete lie, though not the total truth, but Illya was always exceptionally talented at hiding her negative emotions, and Kaye seems to buy it enough to slump back against the back rest of his chair and toss the bacon into his awaiting mouth, chewing quietly and swallowing before speaking.

“You won’t know till you see for yourself.” 

It’s an unfortunate reality that he’s right, and Illya finally gives in and taps onto the icon for the twitter app, waiting for the timeline feed to load before her star spangled violet eyes widen in complete disbelief.

99+ notifications, an equally unbearable amount of private messages in her inbox as well as the first tweet literally being about the music video - Moth’ir’s retweet of their short promotional video from their official spud squad twitter account, which has garnered over 40 thousand likes and 10 thousand retweets.

#spudsquad and #ultramarinehymn are trending, and Illya gives in to her curiosity enough to tap on the tags and scroll through the tweets.

cosplaycon2022 hype!!! @/oracleoflight  • 18h  my good friend illya and her friends #spudsquad just released #ultramarine hymn and it’s so so so good!!! please give it a watch!! 

EEEEEEEEEE @/driftinintiawind  • 18h @/academician you didn’t tell me your gf was an idol bro???? GOOD SHIT #ultramarinehymn

 pink is JUSTICE @/rosepinkcutie  • 17h OHHHHH I’m goihng to cwyg #ultramarinehymn made me cryuy. iT’S SO GOOD...... #spudsquad i LOVE YOU

Alphinaud @/academician  • 17h Do give your support to #spudsquad ‘s new music video, #ultramarinehymn ! They’ve worked very hard on it!

soliriii @/windupsunshine  • 17h thank you #spudsquad for all the joy you’ve given me for the past year!! what a way to celebrate <3 #ultramarinehymn

hien’s booty @/floortank   • 16h  HEY #ultramarinehymn IS SO LIT THOUGH????? WTF

thancredwaters @/gunbrkrs  • 16h #spudsquad Good job my daughter hasn’t stopped playing this song on repeat for the past 2 hours. 

Nyx @/underthebloodmoon  • 15h Sharing a good friend’s music video here. #ultramarinehymn #spudsquad

Nidhstinien @/azuredragoon  • 15h [youtube link] #ultramarinehymn nice

vergotohelldad @/reveilleur  • 14h only 4 hours after release and #ultramarinehymn is already trending. twitter has some fucking good tastes in music thank the twelve.

Lamittens! @/lalamitt  • 14h Oh to be spud squad long time fan :pleading: I’m so fed... #ultramarinehymn #spudsquad

nhelly @/blackestmage  • 13h I turn around and #spudsquad decided to drop an absolute banger. loving #ultramarinehymn !!

Aymeric de Borel @/officialborel  • 13h A wonderful song that elicits a sense of optimism and hope. #ultramarinehymn

kafuuchi @/cloudsysmile  • 13h hey is it just me or is kaye getting hotter :blush: still a kayelily simp tho!! #ultramarinehymn

KoKomi Komi @/sangopriestess   • 12h @/starblossoms Congratulations on the new MV!! It’s very catchy! #ultramarinehymn

The scroll is endless, timeline filled with a mixture of both familiar and unfamiliar twitter handles, yet all collectively singing praises and awe for the music video and the song. It’s hard to not be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of positive reception their hard work and efforts have received, and Illya tears her eyes away from the screen to look up at Kaye with a twinkle in her wide violet eyes, and the man looks back at her expectedly. 

“I-It...It seems to be very well received.”

“’Seems to be’? The video’s got over five hundred thousand views on eorzeatube from the past 18 hours.”

Illya almost chokes on her eggs, eyes blown wide as she swallows her food abruptly and her voice raises into a high, bewildered squeak.

“F-f-five... hundred thousand???” 

By the twelve, that’s far more than even their highest recorded number of viewers on their biggest stream - and it’s been less than a day since the release of the music video. She cannot imagine just how ecstatic Mint must be at having such a successful idol-esque debut. 

“Does that ease your worries now?” Kaye asks, snapping the girl out of her train of thoughts once more, and he is met with a smile and an affirmative nod in response. 

“It does... thank you, Kaye.” 

Knowing that weeks of preparation, practice and hard work has paid off and finally bore fruit was the biggest relief Illya’s experienced in a while, and the simple knowledge that the sentiment of their song got through to a good number of the fans warmed her heart.

But in the midst of the joy, there was yet an underlying somberness lingering in the air between the pair that was not lost to either of them, as silence quickly fills the atmosphere and quickly turns the space around them cold. 

Scrolling through the top tweets didn’t exactly help either - because while it had quickly eased Illya’s worries of the music video being negatively received, in between praises for the song came the posts of fans who were dejected by the hiatus announcement.

Most of them had been supportive, of course... Their audience has ever been so welcoming, understanding and wonderful to them. But that perhaps made the disappointment they felt even worse on Illya’s melancholy, as she once again quickly slips back into the depths of her own internal mind. 

Because as well received as the music video they’d released is, it still ends with them going their separate ways, and it fills Illya with a sense of already festering loneliness that she refuses to admit verbally to.

She never did like goodbyes. 

‘The time that flows in the blink of an eye. The fear of continuing to be as we are.’

Neither Kaye nor Illya particularly enjoyed talking about their troubles, not even to each other, and so while Kaye could make an educated guess on why Illya seemed so despondent, he makes no comment on it. He was never the best at comforting others anyway.

He lets the silence fester between them even after Illya sets her phone down to focus on her plate full of breakfast, fishing his own device out of his pants pocket and begins to type away at it. 

It isn’t until after a whole ten minutes has passed that he’d finally look up from the screen, expression unreadable yet his voice sounding a modicum more relaxed than it had been a while ago as he calls out to Illya as she was drinking the last of her orange juice. 

“Hey, you’re free tonight, right?” The raven haired man asks, and Illya sets her glass down with a quirk of her eyebrow, if there was even a hint of sorrow in her, she didn’t allow him to hear it.

“Um... I am. Why?”

A smile from Kaye is a rarity, let alone one that carries such gentleness and ease... but the one he’s wearing now is so warm that it blows away the storm clouds that she hadn’t even noticed hanging over her head. 

“Then, are you cool to do an Among us stream tonight? With the other four, of course.”

Sparkling lavender eyes widen, and Illya is silent for a brief moment before stuttering out in response.

“A-aren’t you going over to Lily’s place to help her pack though?? And... the others.. aren’t they-”

“I’ll only be there for the afternoon. We’re only gonna be flying next week so there’s no rush. As for the others, I already asked. You can even invite Alphinaud if you want, the more the merrier.”

“But didn’t we just announce that we’re going on hiatus? I don’t want to trouble the others if they’re too busy either-”

Her pink lips slightly part, voice timid and soft. Hesitation and uncertainty briefly flashing through her twinkling eyes as she averts her gaze from the man and hides them under the shadows of her pure white bangs. But it does little to keep the light red burn of her cheeks and the bridge of her nose from Kaye, who only rolls his eyes at her in response.

“Gods, stop being so nice. I said I already asked and they’re down for it.... well, mostly. Ichi said he wanted to sleep but I’ll drag him outta his bed if I have to. We may be on hiatus, but it’s not like we’re gonna stop hanging out together, right?”

Though Kaye’s tone is rough and his words are painfully honest, his tongue as sharp as the gaze of his midnight blue eyes, Illya knew there was kindness laced beneath his huff, and the tension in her body slowly begins to fade, making way for a brighter, far more honest and radiant smile that washed away the chill of the air like a spring breeze.

He’s right, as he often is. 

Even if they may go their separate ways in the future, they will still always remain connected as friends, holding the memories they made together close in their hearts. 

Her phone’s buzzing with notifications again, and she takes a peek down at the lit up screen, her heart warming at the equally excited messages from her beloved friends. From Mint who is spamming :mikurave: emotes, to Lily who was telling Ichi that no, a schedule with his bed isn’t a valid excuse and Nanami who was offering to set up the stream for the night... Things are all as it should be, right here and now where they are together - where they are home. 

“If everyone’s fine with it then... I’ll join too. Don’t raid Ichi’s flat, though!” 

Illya lets out a giggle that rings out like windchimes in a cool summer breeze, and Kaye clicks his tongue with a shrug of his shoulder.

“He gave me his keys for this exact reason, he doesn’t mind. How do you think he always makes it in time for our streams? All I need to wake him up is a fork and porcelain plate and-”

“Kaye! That’s... that’s so mean-”

‘I'll hug you with equal parts expectation and anxiety. You and I, weaving the present, illuminating the future.’

[hyperfixationtimego]

Happy little hcs to atone for my sins

Taka and Hina are study buddies

Sometimes Aoi manages to get Taka off track because she’s just so enthusiastic and wants to hear about all of her friends’ hyperfixations and special interests

37.2 minutes later

Taka’s infodumping about how he despises moral philosophy but also thoroughly enjoys it bc that’s how moral philosophers are

Or he’s infodumping about political science and debate tactics and how speeches were effective or not for various reasons

Sakura and Mondo work out together

It started off as a coincidence when they were in the gym at the same time but it kept happening so they called it a schedule

They talk about their SOs and they’re smiling

Sakura teaches Mondo certain stretches and exercises to help relax different muscle groups for whenever he pulls a muscle or has a flare up from the thing with the bikes

Leon constantly asks Chihiro to turn alter ego into a vocaloid or at least program a bit of that tech into their system

Bc he would rather shave his head again than talk to Sayaka about producing music

He just has so many ideas

And it’s cool when there are kinda punk rock songs that are covered in an 8-bit or a vocaloid style

Byakuya and Celeste have a small series of bets with low stakes about what their inferiors classmates will do to lead up to them jingling away morosely like the fools they are

Sayaka shamelessly advertises her group’s mercy to her classmates and friends

Everyone gets their nails painted at some point

Nobody knows how Byakuya got roped into it but it worked

Makoto has rainbow loom

Atua forgives you

anyway YEAH LEGIT?

Hina has fully and thoroughly fallen in love with all of her friends and classmates’ expressions whenever they’re talking about something that excites them omg 🥺

she sees someone rambling and having a good time and hears the enthusiastic pitch of their voice as well as the general Vibe™️ that they’re giving off and she just???? [Y E A R N]

:)

and also just???? her and taka being study buddies is so valid oh my god??? they’re really close because of it!!! And Taka always loves hanging out with her because he knows she’ll let him just Talk??? and he adores that about her????? And she’ll be ENGAGED which!!!!!! oh my god!!!!?????

hi in this house we love and adore hina

And Sakura and Mondo???? absolutely?????

they have friendly competitions over who can lift the most weights/do the most reps/etc. (they do it sparingly, ofc! bc Sakura at least knows that they’ll both be subconsciously trying to beat the other as opposed to listening to what their bodies need in the moment. Sakura is the single braincell of class 78 no I won’t take it back because it’s true)

and they totally doooooo like they both get such cute loveydovey pining expressions whenever it’s Their Turn™️ to discuss the latest cute thing their partner(s) did. and listening to the other talking???? oh my god it’s literally the neatest thing????

Sakura looking at Mondo: I would die for this man

Mondo looking at Sakura: this woman is literally beauty and perfection in human form

THEY’RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS OKAY???

also chihiro joins them for training sometimes!!!! She obviously isn’t able to do as much as the other two are, but both Sakura and Mondo are always so proud of her progress??? They’re like “you are so cool and strong do you know that??? you better know that”

and speaking of chihiro hdbdvdvdvdvdvdvdvd on GOD Leon will Not leave them alone abt it and they’re just like

“y....you do NOT have the attention span,.......you’re gonna get frustrated within like the first five minutes......and then I’ll have done all that work for nothing..............”

but Leon’s >:( no I won’t!!!! music is my Passion!!!!!!!!

so it’s like *sigh* okay

and anyway leon genuinely does rlly like it???? like he gets burned out very easily and can only compose things in short bursts, but he’s always so so so proud of the finished products??? (Even if nobody else likes it but shush 😌)

and it makes chihiro :D to know that something she made (even if it was done with reluctance) has brought one of her closest friends so much happiness????? she’s also like good for Leon but also if he ever bothers them about something like that again they are Literally Going to Snap but that’s another story for another day vwv

AND YEAH LIKE. HE DOESN’T MIND TALKING TO HER ABT MUSIC IN GENERAL BECAUSE IT’S AN INTEREST THEY SHARE (quite possibly one of the only times they will have a conversation without one constantly insulting the other ❤️) BUT. ADMITTING TO HER THAT HE NEEDS HELP WITH IT IS THE WORST HE HATES IT HE HATES IT HSBDBSBD

god okay so. his first impression of her when they had just come to hope’s peak and met for the first time was “oh my god!!! she’s a pop idol!!! so she must know a lot about music!!! maybe she’ll help me become a popular musician!!!” and her immediate reaction when she first heard him ask was to literally roll her eyes and he was like oh okay fuck her actually

and then slow burn enemies-to-friends 💛

WHEBDVSVS CELESTE AND BYAKUYA JUST BEING RICH ASSHOLES IS SO FUNNY??? LIKE THEY HAVE WEALTH SOLIDARITY AND THEY ACT ALMOST LIKE alright your status makes you worthy of my time, I suppose-

they’ve had bets on everything from how many times kirigiri will pass out from exhaustion by the end of the school day, to how long it’ll take before Kirumi finally Loses Her Shit, to how many people will be harmed by Komaeda’s luck while hanging out with him.

Mfs about to die smh

and dhdbwvwbsvwvwb yeah like??? sometimes a normal conversation with maizono will turn into her being like “yeah, and by the way, if you’re looking for a change of style and wardrobe, you should check out the newest shirt my band just released as part of our merch drop, and-”

Makoto is the one who gets baited into her merch ads most often sndbsbsbdbdbw

even mentioning the word “merch” around Leon or Kaz will earn her a lot of groaning and sighing, and occasionally a pillow or other soft object being hurled at her face 💛

oh my god they all have a manicure spa day,,,,,,,class bonding 🥺

hdbdvdvdv they got Jill to break into his dorm and kidnap him ngl like the specifics they gave her were something along the lines of “use as much force as you need to without killing him” and she was like “DONE”

and okay I’m not gonna talk abt everyone’s nails but now I’m thinking about it and like-

Sayaka gets like a lighter violet background with gold and white stars smattered around them, more concentrated in some areas than others, and it’s generally very pretty 🥺

chihiro’s are a different solid pastel color on each finger!!! it’s very kidcore and fun and they love it so muchhhh!!!

leon gets a little self-conscious when it’s his turn because his nails are highkey disgusting from all the time he spends playing baseball - there’s dirt trapped under them and everything so he’s just like hhhhhhh anxiety go brrrr but anyway he gets solid black because he’s edgy and cool like that 😎

I think Taka gets a French manicure with little dark red flowers pressed towards the tips because!!! simple yet pretty!!!

Celeste probably takes the longest because her request is sooooo complicated like it’s black and red and long ass acrylics with overlapping patterns and everyone else just kinda sits there feeling h o r r i b l e for that poor nail stylist

Toko gets a checkerboard pattern, with each nail having a different neon color in place of white!!! Because she knows that Jill will find it cool and pretty and colorful the next time she fronts (visual stimming jill?? 👀)

Togami just picks whatever will get him out of the chair quickest hdbsvdvdvdbdbdb

anyway Makoto????? rainbow loom????? absolutely

he has so many bracelets!!!!! so many so many so many and he knows how to create such a wide variety of styles it’s so cool!!!!!! he wears a bunch of them at any given time because they are so fun to fidget with!!!! and rubber texture hvvvvhvv!!!!

and he creates personalized ones for his friends, too, like he knows their favorite colors and sometimes picks up on whether they prefer a certain style or not from the way they react to the other ones he’s made and it’s!!! just so neat!!!!!

I’m thinking about it and!!! he has a bi pride fishtail, a trans pride arrow stitch, a black and neon green railroad, a pastel pink/blue/purple/yellow ladder, a jelly yellow and green dragon scale, a rainbow double cross, and a bunch more!!! he also has a bunch with charms and beads added into them!!!!

He also makes them for his friends even if he knows they won’t wear them!! Like Toko, for example, isn’t the biggest fan of jewelry because she doesn’t like the texture, but he creates one for her anyway and fills it with so much love (it looks like a daisy chain!!!! because at least she’ll be able to look at it and hold it and still be interested in it without it needing to be on her wrist!!!)

he makes a ton of bright colored ones for Mukuro (usually either single or inverted fishtail because he knows she wouldn’t enjoy wearing anything too heavy or overbearing) so that she has more mobile visual stims!!!

similar for Jill!! although most of hers tend to be black and bright neon rainbow in various bulkier styles!!!! Jill will also force him to let her look at his bracelet-covered arm whenever they hang out because. my god,,,,,,so many Colors™️

he’s found that togami prefers black and white simpler styles, and that Kyoko absolutely adores singles, fishtails, and double fishtails in any shade of purple, and that Mondo likes any of the larger styles in darker colors + blacks and grays!!! Chihiro loves anything with jelly and glitter bands!!!

Leon usually only wears one at a time, but he cycles through every single one that his boyfriend’s ever made for him because????? GOD they’re so cool and his boyfriend is so crafty and incredible and just,,,,,,,,,hvvvhvv every time he looks at the one he’s wearing he’s able to calm himself down and remember that Makoto loves him........it’s also very good for stim and fidgeting <3

anyways sorry yes Makoto with a rainbow loom is filling me with serotonin and it’s canon now

[radramblog]

Radiohead Retrospective Part 6: I try to sing along but I get it all wrong (‘CAUSE I’M NOT)

I don’t have as much to say about the lead-in to Hail to the Thief, much like I didn’t have much to say about that for Amnesiac. There isn’t as earth-shattering a shift as Kid A, and there isn’t a big story like with The Bends or OK Computer.

Hail to the Thief was (probably) the first batch of music Radiohead recorded after the sessions that produced Kid A/Amnesiac, meaning they had the full breadth of that experience to work with. What we received as a result was somewhat of a fusion of the electronic/jazz-influences of those albums and the rockier stuff of the band’s past.

Now I’ve heard a fair few complaints that this album is too long. That’s probably fair, it’s their longest album, with a total of 14 tracks, meaning it does kinda drag on a bit. Thom Yorke apparently agrees, seeing as he put out an alternative tracklist in ’08 (link) missing four songs. At the same time, I’m going to pull Death of the Author on this one, because as much as I’ve seen people complain that there’s too many songs on this, nobody ever seems to get along with which ones they’d cut- let alone people wanting to pull B-sides in the mix.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves there, aren’t we? Suppose I should just talk about the fucking album.

We begin this record, like all Radiohead records, with studio chatter. Wait, what the fuck? Yeah, it’s quiet but it’s there. Why not, right?

2+2=5 is a lovely little banger to open on. Unquestionably a rock song, it features a very slow and quiet (and heavily panned) first half before just fucking exploding in the latter half. It genuinely might be the most aggressive track the band has put out, a manic cascade of energy and breathy falsetto that’s genuinely headbangable. It’s also a fun thing to try and read the lyrics for, since the booklet the album comes with gives up for this bit and just goes “eezeepeezee NOT” or something along that line.

Oh yeah, that’s actually something worth bringing up. Neither Kid A nor Amnesiac had lyric booklets, deliberately obscuring the actual words to the songs, to the point where people had pretty wide interpretations of what they actually were. Considering the incompleteness of 2+2=5’s entry in it’s booklet, perhaps similar occurred with that. I’m still unsure if the subtitle of this post is actually the real lyrics.

Most people, I think, read the name of this track and just kind of assume it’s about 1984, the book boomers bring up whenever their freedumbs are impinged upon. And it’s not not about 1984, but there are extremely specific political references as well- Hail to the Thief, title of the album and line in the track, is a quote regarding the U.S. President of the time, George W Bush, who lost the popular vote but won the electoral college- something that sounds awfully familiar to those of us living in 2021. “January has April Showers” similarly refers to the unseasonable weather of Bush’s inauguration.

The last thing I’d like to bring up before we finally move onto the second track is that every single song in this album has a subtitle- for 2+2=5, it’s (The Lukewarm). According to Yorke, it’s a reference to Dante’s Inferno- the Lukewarm being the people around the edge of hell, damned due to their passive indifference- the kind of people the song’s lyric, “you have not been paying attention”, is referring to. I’m literally learning these meanings now, so we’ll see how many are worth bringing up.

Perhaps fortunately for my word count, Sit Down. Stand Up (yes the full stop/period is part of the title) (that’s not the subtitle) doesn’t have quite as much going on. Though it does have a video, for some reason. It’s a sort of repetitive trance of lyrics set to an electronic percussion, distant piano, and….I don’t know what other instrument is making those light dings. A xylophone? Interestingly, much like 2+2=5, it’s one that builds slowly into a chaotic finish, the raving of that track reflected in the almost cold mania of the raindrops the raindrops the raindrops the raindrops the raindrops……. It’s a decent enough song, but I legitimately cannot imagine listening to it ever outside the context of this album. Which is weird, because I definitely remember doing so when I was younger.

Track 3 is Sail To The Moon, a lullaby or ballad or sorts, a calm after the storm that is the previous track. Quite literally, considering it��s repeated lyric. And also literally, in that it was actually written for Thom’s son at the time. The subtitle, (Brush the Cobwebs Out of the Sky) evokes a very literal interpretation of the song’s title, which doesn’t actually reflect the lyrics.

Sail To The Moon is, as any good lullaby should be, utterly soothing. It’s calm, with Thom’s vocals just drifting across the piano, loose guitar, and percussion like a low tide. This is one of those songs I’ve come around to much more with time, because I distinctly remember skipping this a lot. You’ll find I’ve listened to this album a fair few times, though the section between 2+2=5 and Go To Sleep is one I skipped a fair bit, I think.

Backdrifts is a heavily electronic song that apparently in part predates Kid A and Amnesiac, which is kind of interesting- we’ll see a bit more of that later. As a track, it’s kind of spacy- the synth instrumental feels like something out of an eerie sci-fi film, if you notched the tempo up a bit.

Backdrifts is also the first song where I can see the “too long” argument come in. Not for the album (though I believe it’s one of the ones the alternate tracklist leaves out), but the song itself- I’m not sure this is a song that needs to be the second longest on the album (and only by a second). It’s fine, but considering what it comes off and what follows it, it’s in a bit of an awkward spot.

Go To Sleep is another one that kinda took me a while to get. I always heard it as being one of the top tracks on the thing, but it never really clicked with me for a while. I suppose I’ve never been massive on purely acoustic-guitar-led affairs? With age, though, I’ve better appreciated the depth the song has. Possibly the folkiest song the band has, it might have taken me getting into R.E.M. to recognize what the song is.

And the song is good!

But unfortunately for Go To Sleep, Where I End and You Begin is my favourite Radiohead track.

Holy shit, this song sounds so fucking sick. That percussion, that bassline, those fucking Ondes Martenot babyyyy. The song is spacey and ethereal, but tied down by the more traditional elements of the instrumentation. The fantastical lyricism tying into very real themes of personal boundaries, how they define how people interact, and how when they fail, things tend to go badly- “There’ll be no more lies, I will eat you alive”. It’s just an absolute fucking track.

I don’t think I can possibly explain why I like this song so much. Opinions and favourites are kind of like that. But it just speaks to me. The hyper-fuzzed out guitar soloing in the bridge, the loneliness of the second verse, it’s just incredible.

Also it possibly references Optimistic with the lyrics which is cool! I also like that song a lot.

The subtitle, (The Sky Is Falling In), is something I’ve not been able to find a reference for regarding it’s meaning, but since I like the song so much, I’m going to do some interpreting. If we assume the song is about boundaries in a relationship, it’s clear that the final lyrics are the utter devastation after those boundaries are breached. But “The Sky Is Falling In” fits better with the third verse, what with the house falling into the sea- the tipping point has broken, the household (or, the house) is in freefall, the sky is falling with it. But that’s just my opinion, man.

Still with me? We’re not even halfway.

We Suck Young Blood can best be described as off-kilter, perhaps even deliberately out of tempo. A very pointed use of handclaps, typically a part of substantially more energetic tracks than the dirge this song presents. I’m sure this isn’t what the song is about, but at face value the lyrics read like some sort of social service run by vampires- give us your young blood, and we’ll make things better for you. In a way, it’s kind of fun, silly even. I suppose the claps help with that. The track is otherwise just, melancholic- slow, piano-y, even the sudden pickup barely lasts- though I always forget it’s there, making it kind of a surprise every time. Like, oh shit, we’re going somewhere for a bit, I need to put my seatbelt back on- ah never mind it’s over (and then the song keeps going for a while).

We come now to The Gloaming, the song that was originally going to be the title track for the album. They changed it, apparently, because it got rejected- too gloomy, apparently. According to Wikipedia, a fair few of the subtitles from the album’s tracks also came from proposed names for the album proper.

The song itself is also pretty gloomy, as it happens. Apparently, it’s literally about the rise of fascism, so fair enough. An electronic track, with many a repetition, feeling uneasy and cold the whole way through (making the subtitle, Softly Open our Mouths in the Cold, pretty apt). It feels almost minimalistic at times, without especially many lines running through it- and without a big crescendo like many to most of these songs have, it feels somewhat lifeless- a deliberate choice, no doubt.

Oh shit, are we up to There There? We are! God this song fucks. Those opening drums are iconic, not to mention the way it layers onto itself. And the video! Eerie horror at its finest.

Like, I know Where I End and You Begin is my favourite song on this album unquestionably. But there is no doubt in my mind that There There is the best song on the album.

Good enough that I don’t have anything really interesting to say about it? Like many songs on this album, it’s got a big old crescendo, but the build is just so smooth, and the climax is just such a swelling. “We are accidents waiting to happen” is such a powerful lyric, and it’s hardly the only one on the song. A comment I’ve seen about the song describes the guitar as akin to laughter, a mood I can definitely see in the track itself.

Anyway the song ended so I guess I gotta move on.

I Will is kind of an interesting case. It’s unquestionably one of the most emotional songs on the album, considering it was written about a U.S. bombing of a shelter that wiped out 408 innocent people, and that’s fucking horrifying (S.O.P. for the Army it seems). It’s short, and…well it’s not sweet, but it is tragic and haunting.

It’s also a song that went through variation on variation before finally appearing on this album. Early live performances date to 5 whole years before Hail to the Thief, and considering the bombing was in 1991, it was probably written well before then. Versions of this track are kind of everywhere as a result- one early version was eventually chopped up and reproduced into Like Spinning Plates on Amnesiac- reconstructions of the process are available on citizeninsane.eu- or they were, at least, because apparently that site’s embeds relied on Flash.

I do particularly want to highlight the Los Angeles version of the song, which was a b-side on 2+2=5 (and also was on the Com Lag EP), because it’s a fuller version of the track- not necessarily better, but the full band is involved, making it a much different experience.

Track 11, A Punchup At A Wedding, has become somewhat of a meme on the Radiohead subreddit. Mostly it’s a result of the opening lyric, literally “No” 42 times over. The subtitle, for reference, is also all “No”s. On a similarly lighter note, the track is apparently a result of the band stumbling upon just a needlessly scathing review of one of their live shows, making it one of the few Radiohead tracks I could confidently say is about one person in particular. With all the second person, the lyrics probably wouldn’t be out of place on an early Linkin Park track (whether that’s an insult or not, I’ll leave as an exercise to the reader).

The slow, almost marchlike rhythm of the song well suits the tone of the lyrics, and to be clear, the tone is pretty much “Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?” and the emotions that come with being torn down by someone who doesn’t know you or really recognise what they’re doing. I suppose it’s refreshing for the metaphor to be this obvious for once. It’s a pretty decent song, piano-driven like many a song on the album, which means theoretically if I ever relearn the instrument I could play it. Maybe.

Myxomatosis, while a pretty fucked up disease, is an absolutely excellent song. If 2+2=5 is the heaviest rock song on the album, Myxomatosis is the heaviest electronic song on it. The lyricism is incredibly dark, unsettling and violent, suiting the harsh buzzing synth line. They say fuck in this one! And the way the entire song save percussion drops for the key line (I don’t know why I feel so tongue-tied/skinned alive) is so excellent. Interestingly, said line also appears word-for-word in Cuttooth, a B-side from Amnesiac, though the mood is profoundly different.

I suspect the song being named Myxomatosis and being pretty clearly about public perception and fame should give you a hint as to how the band views the media and the world of the rich and famous- the subtitle, (Judge, Jury, & Executioner), certainly adds to that. Thom sounds a mix of hesitant, confused, disgusted, and frustrated on the track, and it works incredibly well.

We’re finally on to the penultimate track, Scatterbrain. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t know what this one’s about. I’m out of patience to figure out what Genius is going on about, though it’s fairly incomplete for this track anyway. It’s relatively simple, for a Radiohead track, and pretty enough, but I can see why people don’t tend to like this one as much. I distinctly remember it being bottom of the list or close to it on a subreddit poll at some point (might have been above We Suck Young Blood, which I don’t agree with).

Scatterbrain kind of just has the problem of being a pretty decent album track, right between two of my favourite songs on the album. Which is awkward as always.

Our final song is A Wolf at the Door, and talk about a closer. Thom has described it as like waking up from a nightmare and finding out reality is worse, which is both relatable and upsetting. The song is grim, with confusing imagery in the verses leading to a desperately emotional chorus about someone’s children being fucking ransomed. Also, a bridge with more Nos than A Punchup at a Wedding, where are your No (x105) memes Reddit, get it fucking together!

The lyrics of the verses in A Wolf at the Door have a swaying flow to them that’s almost rap-like, especially since the falsetto that Thom usually sings in around this time is completely absent from them. This makes it one of the few rap-ish songs I’ve actually tried to perform, and I’d probably be pretty okay if I didn’t keep forgetting bits.

The song is just, frustration (verse 1), desperation (chorus), anger/frustration (verse 2), and back to desperation (chorus) again, which doesn’t quite fit the stages of grief cleanly, but that’s probably fine. The final vocalisation of the song (and thereby the album) feels almost like a sorrowful howl, which makes less sense the more I think about the imagery and intent of the lyrics, so maybe just ignore that actually. There is just so much imagery packed into this track, especially in the second verse, that listing it out is pointless- but it all just clicks so well, into this deluge of frustration and madness carried along by that instrumental that just seems to get lower and lower forever.

Anyway that’s the whole album, isn’t it? I’m going to keep this outro brief, because we’re approaching 3000 words at this point, but I think that fact says it all. There’s a lot of Hail to the Thief, but it never really misses per se. It has less great songs, but no bad ones. I’d argue my own biases probably cloud my judgement, but even if some of the tracks are more forgettable, the highs are so high for me that it easily stands among the band’s best.

Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with me. But that’s fine, this is my opinion, the rest of the world is allowed to be wrong.

A lot of things would happen between Hail to the Thief’s release in 2003 and the followup, In Rainbows, in 2007. But that’s ultimately a story for another day. A week from today, to be precise.

See you then?

[justjeonday]

eternal you┆min yoongi

With you gone, the ground under Yoongi’s feet seems to be crumbling, the color in his life fading as the days without you go by. The only thing left to keep him going are the memories he made with you, sunday mornings, exchanged smiles, fingers skimming over soft skin, lazy kisses, nights spent by Han River. To these moments, he travels to see you again - to exist in the utopia that was you once more.

— song; eight - IU ft. SUGA ( i listened to this piano cover)

— pairing; min yoongi x dead!reader

— WC; 5.9K

— genre; a lot of angst with hints of fluff, idol!au, husband!yoongi, dead!wife!reader

— rating; PG/PG13

— warnings; sad yoongs :(, mentions of death, descriptions of mild depression??, lucid dreaming or something, overall there’s nothing that graphic it’s just sad :((

— notes; this took me so long to finish and at this point i’m not even sure what this was supposed to be but i hope you enjoyyy <33 

— thank you to @tigertaehyunq, dear Penny, for reading this through and helping me along the way <3

gif found here.

(not fully edited)

The sky, once blue and pretty, has become gray and monochrome.

The world around Yoongi has turned cold, dull. All he sees is grey, ashes of what once was happiness, of what once was love. Since you’ve been gone, everything around him has turned somber, days at work filled with insincere empathy and shallow ‘how are you’’s.

The utopia that came with knowing you, being in your presence, that was made up of the memories you two created together - that was made up of you and him - now broken, shattered into thousands of pieces.

Yoongi has tried, more times than he can count, to pick them up one by one and put them together, but the biggest and most significant piece - you - is gone. All he has left are the memories, the times he got to spend with you and the things you did together, the important yet all too small pieces to patch it all back up.

These only make up half of his heart. The rest is hollow - empty because you’re no longer there.

He sighs as he pushes the door to your apartment open, almost expecting to see you on the couch typing away on your laptop, your eyes leaving your screen to look up at him with a smile - arms reaching out for him to come embrace you. But you’re not there.

The space is dark and the couch is cold and empty. It’s quiet, no TV playing on a low volume in the background like it always used to since you hated the silence that surrounded you when you were home alone, no dancing lights flickering across the surfaces in its reach.

You’re gone.

The apartment almost feels foreign to him, nowhere near entire without your presence. Yoongi has never considered his home to be a place - not since he first fell in love with you. The meaning of home changed completely when he first realized he loved you. Ever since then, it’s never been a space - never just walls and a roof.

Home was you.

It was your embrace, the warmth of your body radiating against his own as you held him tight - your fingertips skimming over the skin at the back of his neck, coming up to brush through the hair at his nape. It was your eyes and the way they lit up as you smiled at him. Home was the sweet nothings you whispered into his ear just before you fell asleep, it was your laugh and the feeling of your lips against his; the taste of your favorite lip balm.

He releases a broken chuckle at the thought, the sound shattering the silence around him. Your damn lip balm. It tasted of coconut, pleasantly so - he must admit - and it was a sweet tang lingering on his lips after you kissed him, the trace of you remaining on them in a way that made his heart flutter, but oh how he disliked it sometimes. He didn’t like how it took away from the raw feeling of your lips pressed against his. But it was so incredibly and typically you. You carried that lip balm around wherever you went, saying you wanted your lips to be soft when he kissed you.

He didn’t care about that. He never did.

Yoongi feels his heart break, again - like it did earlier today when he woke up, and yesterday, and multiple times the day before that day. How much is there left to break before it all gets too much, before it’s too broken to continue on beating?

He stands still as the door falls shut with a click behind him, his gaze falling from the couch down to his feet as he lets his head hang low, chin pressed against his sternum, a hand placed on the wall next to him - scared the ground underneath him is gonna crumble. He’s scared, as it all comes crashing down on him, after being able to keep it inside at work, containing the emotions all he could, hiding behind fake smiles. Only by filling his schedule to the point of exhaustion being able to distract himself from a wandering mind, from the truth - the hurt.

As the clock turns four, he looks up from his notepad feeling numb but expects to be able to breathe out and relax after days of hard work - yet he can’t. His breath is shallow as he collects his things in the studio, shallow as he gets into his car and drives home, thinking maybe, just maybe he’ll be able to breathe when he gets home. But still, as he steps inside the door, his breath only reaches his throat.

Because, to him, there is no home anymore. Without you, there is no place for him to breathe out, your arms no longer reaching out to welcome him home. Without you, he’s lost - astray with nowhere to go.

Yoongi feels as if he hasn’t been able to breathe out since he got that call - since he found out you were gone. It feels like the oxygen doesn’t reach his lungs, as though his breaths are empty, as if every time he inhales it's a waste of air.

Now that he’s in the apartment, silence and dark surrounding him, it leaves too much space for roaming thoughts. Too much room for longing and remembering, eyes involuntarily traveling to find everything that reminds him of you. He can’t stand it - the silence is much too loud.

He needs it to stop, yearns for the pain to numb until he can’t feel anything anymore. Hoping things will get better feels like sitting in a car at a broken stoplight - stuck on red.

He feels exhausted, like the weight of the world is pushing down on his shoulders. He finds himself at times, silently praying it’s all a nightmare; a painful dream his mind has created - that he’ll wake up soon enough to feel you snuggling into his chest, warm breath fanning across his bare skin.

It feels surreal, that you’re not here anymore; that you’re simply gone.

He still expects to wake up in the middle of the night, cold and shivering because you stole the covers all for yourself. As his alarm goes off in the morning, he awakes awaiting you to release a groan at the annoying sound before holding him tight, not wanting him to leave for work and let the bed turn cold next to you.

Yoongi sighs, standing up straight before kicking his shoes off. He walks further in, making his way straight towards the bedroom - leaving the rest of the apartment untouched like it has been since you were here last. He keeps his gaze down by his feet, lethargy following his every step.

He can’t bring himself to glance into the kitchen, knowing your favorite coffee cup is gonna be on the counter - left there in your hurry to work like it always was. He doesn’t wanna see the note you had left him on the fridge, the one he was reading with a smile on his lips just minutes before the world came crashing down on him - before the light broke.

He still remembers every word on that piece of paper.

‘Hi, my love~

I’ll be getting off work earlier today, would you perhaps want to take a walk to Han River and watch the sky with me?

Imagine this; you, me, some fried chicken, soju, and a sunset - sounds pretty great right?

I’ll call you as soon as I can.

Sincerely, always yours.‘

He stood by that counter with the note in his hand, the biggest smile on his face as if he was a teenager who got a yes from his crush. He felt so incredibly full of love at that moment, his heart warm and fluttering as he chuckled at your lame way of asking him on a date.

Despite the long day at work, filming for their variety show at multiple locations, producing music, he felt energetic as he read the note - excited to be able to spend some time with you.

But it only lasted a short while. The warmth - the fluttering. His heart skipped a beat in his chest as his phone started ringing, expecting to see your name on the display as he grabbed it from his pocket. He was met with an unknown number, feeling his heart drop for a reason he had yet to know. Something felt wrong.

It’s probably nothing, right?

“Hello?” He answered, eyes wandering as he waited for an answer.

Right?

“Hello, this is a call from Asan Medical Center in Seoul” a woman spoke at the other end of the line, “am I speaking to Min Yoongi?”

His eyebrows knitted together in concern. “Yes?”

“Your wife has been in a terrible traffic accident, we rushed to the scene as quickly as we could but we’re sorry to inform you she didn’t make it.”

His breath hitched in his throat as the woman spoke, his hands trembling and knuckles turning white as he gripped his phone harder.

“No,” he said in disbelief, “no, she can’t be-”

“I’m so so sorry, Sir - we couldn’t save her, she passed away at the scene. Her injuries were far too severe.”

Yoongi wasn’t able to hear the last few words clearly, the woman’s voice becoming distant as his head started spinning, his knees going weak underneath him - causing him to slide down the side of the counter until he was seated against the floor.

“Sir?”

He let his hand fall limp against the floor, his phone falling along with it - eyes staring blankly before him.

That was the moment his world was flipped upside down, when everything fell apart. It was the moment when the paradise that was you, that was constant, broke, and fell to pieces right in front of him.

The painful memory is etched into his mind and trying to forget it has ended up useless - it plays on repeat whenever it gets too quiet, whenever there’s room for losing himself in the intrusive thoughts that roam his mind.

He sometimes wonders how much you were hurting, praying that you didn’t have to suffer for too long.

He trudges in the dark, entering the bedroom and naturally making his way over to the left side of the bed; his side. He falls back against the mattress after shrugging his coat off, a huff of air escaping him as his back hits the surface. It feels too big, too empty; too cold. The smell of you still lingers on the fabric, and he relishes in it - closing his eyes to let his mind picture you laying right there next to him, heat radiating from you and mattress sinking at his side.

That was the last way he saw you, the last way he felt you close, after all. As his alarm sounded through the room that same day his world turned dark, the sun was already up - shining in through open blinds the two of you forgot to pull down the night before. After silencing the sudden sound, he turned to you and saw the way you frowned, stirring from your sleep.

It was like any other day, waking up and looking over at you only to be embraced as you awakened. He saw you like that every day, and you always looked so beautiful. Your hair falling over your pillow, your eyebrows furrowing at the alarm, your lips parted ever so slightly - eyes fluttering as you stirred awake beside him.

The way the sun hit your skin that day took his breath away, he could lay there for hours just admiring your beauty - the way you glowed, your skin golden on top of white sheets.

You must be an angel; his angel.

Closing his eyes to imagine you next to him still, has become a habit he can’t break - only minutes after falling asleep to enter a state, a utopia where hurt no longer exists, in which the word goodbye is no longer known.

A place in which you are eternal.

Yoongi finds himself staring into a void as his subconscious stirs to life, body still numb - limp against the cold bed. Having done this control-your-dream thing a couple of times now, he’s gotten pretty good at having his way with the dream.

He had read about it just days after you passed, the need to see you filling every part of his being. He had read the instructions carefully, but skipped the paragraph about any possible side effects - he couldn’t care less, he just needed to see you.

He needs to see you happy. He needs to make sure you’re okay, and that every time you fade, every time he awakes to reality - there’s a smile on your lips.

He figured the void had become his side effect, the emptiness, the cold - it scared him.

He tries to control his mind, concentrating on imagining a place where you’d feel the happiest. You loved sitting by the Han River with him, watching the sunset flipping through soft pages of your favorite books. Yoongi smiles, mind going back to your letter. Your last written words.

‘You, me, fried chicken. soju, and a sunset - sounds pretty great, right?’

He wants to take you there. He knows how much you looked forward to it, always cherished the time off of work the two of you had together - you made sure it was special, every moment of it.

You loved the sky, he always wondered how you were content just sitting under it and admiring its beauty for hours on end. You were one of those people who believed the theory that ‘looking at the sky seven times a day will make you happier’. Maybe it was true. He could count on two hands all the times you were negative since he met you all those years ago - perhaps the sky made you feel more positive, happier.

Yoongi arises from the void, a groan leaving his lips at the uncomfortable and solid ground underneath him. His eyes flutter open, squinting slightly at the sudden yet soft brightness of the sun shining his way - creating an orange glow in the world around.

The bustling sound of Seoul resonates through the atmosphere, groups of people scattered around the patches of green and on steps of cement along Han river - a soft beat from a nearby cafe playing in the background. He notices the smell of coffee and flowers lingering in the air as he breathes in.

It all feels so real, almost too real.

His hands come up to run over his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and attempting to adjust to the light before he opens them again. Looking to his right, he sees you sitting next to him on the picnic blanket placed underneath the both of you. You’re clad in your favorite dress; a loose, white dress with daisies on it.

He’s dreaming again.

You’re here.

He’s finally able to breathe properly, the air feels light rather than heavy in his lungs. You look so beautiful, still unaware he’s admiring you. You stay seated with legs folded in front of you, your skin glowing as you read your book, flipping the pages as a soft and pleasant breeze blows through your locks. The orange sun creates a golden aura that glows around your frame, making his heart skip a beat at the beauty that is you.

It’s the first time he’s seen you here since a week before you passed, it makes him want to shout in happiness and pain all at the same time.

Trying to gain full control of the dream, Yoongi pushes the thoughts of pain away as best he can - but he feels them linger, holding onto him. He focuses on you, relaxing in your presence - feeling that sense of utopia you brought to anyone you held dear to your heart.

You shine - so bright. He swears you’re as bright as the sun. Brighter, even.

The sun. That’s what you were. His sun, his warmth, the light that brightened and lit his path, showed him the way home. With you, winter didn’t feel so cold - night never seemed too dark.

Yoongi was always a little afraid of the dark before he met you. You had laughed at him when he said he slept with a light on. He always had, ever since he was little. But with you, there was no need. You’re his safe haven - his glow in the dark.

A blissful sigh slips past his lips at the sight of you, the feeling of having you in his reach again. He misses you so much.

He can’t help but bring a hand up to lay it over the small of your back, thumb tracing circles over the fabric of your dress. You turn at the touch, looking up from your book to notice he’s awake.

“Hey you,” you smile at him. “You fell asleep for a bit.”

He just hums in response, turning to his side and reaching his arms out to you with a pout forming on his lips - beckoning you to fall into his embrace. You chuckle softly at him before putting your book down, making sure not to lose the page you’re on before laying down in his arms.

“I missed you,” you say against his neck, turning the both of you so you end up on top of him.

I missed you.

A phrase he constantly heard from you. Always. Even after a quick trip to the store, no more than twenty minutes, he’d come home to you telling him how much you missed him while reaching your arms out to embrace him. When waking up, you’d turn to him and tell him that same thing - even though he’d been right there next to you in bed all night.

It was something so simple, three words put together into something that made his heart spread with warmth, that were said over and over, to you as important as a hello - yet they meant so much to him. As he time and time again is hit with the realization he’ll never hear those words again, his heart breaks impossibly further.

“You always say that,” Yoongi groans as you shift on top of him. “I’ve been right here all along.”

You chuckle at his words, leaving a kiss by his exposed collarbone just next to the collar of his shirt before laying your head down on his chest. “But still,” you mumble, “I didn’t get to talk to you or kiss you.”

He scoffs before letting out a chuckle, his chest vibrating under you. “You’re weird.”

“No,” you pout, “I’m in love with you.”

The deepest parts of his heart turn pink with love, growing like wildfire until his whole chest is painted.

Oh, he loves you so.

Seoul sounds at a soft volume around you as you breathe each other in. Your eyes are fixed on the orange and pink hues of the sky, following fluffy clouds as you feel yourself relax against your lover’s body - his chest falling up and down slowly as he breathes - lulling you to a state of tranquility.

“I miss you too,” Yoongi says, his voice just above a whisper - the words only for your ears to hear.

You smile and lay your arms over his chest in front of you, propping your chin upon them as you look into his eyes, trying to read him and his reason for the unusually affectionate words told to you.

“You’re just saying that so I don’t feel bad,” you snicker.

“I’m not,” he defends, showing no signs of being anything less than serious, eyes locked with yours as his fingers brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “I miss you so much.”

You find his words rather strange, considering the circumstances. Having been by his side for several years, you’ve come to know him inside out - and you know he prefers showing his love and appreciation towards you through actions, whether small or big, rather than using words. That’s just how he is.

Now and then, he’ll take you out on a date, and on those special occasions he’ll tell a few words but that’s it; and that’s enough. He doesn’t have to do more than that for you to know. You’re aware he loves you just as much as you love him, even though he might not voice it as often - and you know that just as thankful you are to have him, he is to have you.

Showing it, he does in the smallest ways. When he reaches for you first thing in the morning, calls you to ask if you want anything from the store when he’s on his way home, mindlessly running his fingers along your skin as you sit close watching the sunset, placing soft kisses on your shoulder as you count stars after the blanket of night is thrown over the world - him, the moon and its stars left your only light in the dark.

He occasionally makes you dinner or buys you a new book, saying ‘it’s nothing’ as you thank him, which you’ve learned is code for ‘I wanted to show you how much I appreciate you’. These actions, yet so simple and small, mean just as much to you as the few times he’s said the words out loud.

To speak them this casually, sitting by Han River with people around, with tired eyes and lazy kisses, is not like him at all.

Yoongi, however, is aware this is temporary - a mare dream in his head. He knows this is far from what his reality has now become without you, that you’ll be gone again when he wakes up in your bedroom, in a bed turned cold.

But he’s willing to take the pain of that realization again if it means he gets to see you - if it means he can feel you next to him again. If it means he gets to show you how much he loves you just once more before he has to wake up to the nightmare that has become his life, then he’ll do it all over again.

He wants to say to you what he didn’t have the chance to, wants to show you how much you mean to him every moment that allows him to.

Yoongi feels a tear escape his eye and roll down his cheek as he’s brought back to the present, looking at you through blurred vision; admiring every beautiful feature. You notice it as it sparkles in the sun, turning golden as though there’s sweet honey running down his skin.

“My love,” you whisper, your heart squeezing at the sight of him sad, “what’s wrong?”

He shakes his head at your question, bottom lip quivering slightly.

“Don’t be sad,” you say softly, fingers brushing through the hair behind his ear.

“I’m not sad, I just-” he inhales a shaky breath, wiping the stray tear away as a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, “I’m just happy you’re here with me.”

A slight frown settles across your features, your fingertips running over his face softly, skimming from his cheekbone down to his bottom lip - your eyes following in its trail before looking into his warm brown ones, creating their own sunset as the sky reflects in them.

“I’ll always be here.”

His heart feels heavy as he hears your words, knowing that in reality, it’s not completely true. He knows he’ll wake up in a few hours and turn over to feel the bed is empty, waiting to hear your groan and feel your arm fall over his waist, only to realize you’re gone all over again. He’ll have to go about his day as normal, distracting himself with work. He’ll drive home just to walk straight to the bedroom, waiting to see you in his dreams again.

He feels as if he's stuck in the same space of time, reliving the day just after he found out about your passing, almost like he’s on a constant loop. Stuck on a circling path that’s never-ending - like the earth orbits around the sun, stuck traveling on the path encompassing it.

It’s a constant cycle of euphoria, realization, and reality - a nightmare - and it hurts. Oh, how it hurts. But he’s not sure he’ll ever want to step out of that pattern, ever. If it means he still gets to see you, the pain means nothing to him, he’ll put up with it - no doubt he will.

He’s much aware he can’t live in this false reality forever, but for now, this is how he’ll survive - this is the only way for him to get through this, the only thing that will keep him going.

Yoongi hugs you tightly as he turns, ending up on his side with you next to him - your chest pressed against his. “I know you will,” he says, leaving a quick kiss on your lips.

He hums after pulling away, waiting no more than a few seconds before leaning back in to feel your lips against his again - making you close your eyes and kiss him back. His lips stay pressed against yours for longer this time before he yet again pulls away with another sound of approval coming from his throat.

You smile as your eyes flutter open again, looking at Yoongi as he licks his lips.

“You like it, don’t you?” You say as his eyes open to lock with yours.

He rubs his lips together before answering you, “like what?”

“My lip balm.”

“I don’t.”

He does.

“No?”

“It’s too sticky,” he mutters, “I don’t like it.”

“Yes, you do,” you chuckle, “I saw how you licked your lips just now.”

He looks at you, no response coming from him at your contention.

“Cat got your tongue?” You tease.

He huffs at you, gummy smile stretching across his lips as he turns away from you to lay on his back. “Shut up.”

You laugh, sitting up to look out over the river - the horizon behind skyscrapers and buildings now a deep orange, beautifully fading into the peach hues higher above.

Yoongi follows you up, sitting next to you as he runs a hand through his hair. He looks at you, following your line of gaze to see the sky and all its tones. He must admit it’s beautiful, almost breathtaking, the vibrant colors laying across the sky - but as he looks back to you, he knows nothing’s ever looked more beautiful than you do right at this moment.

As you turn to see Yoongi shamelessly admiring you, he doesn’t bother averting his gaze even as you catch him.

“What’s that look for?”

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbles, his head shaking ever so slightly as though he’s in disbelief.

“Ahh, stop.” You reach over to nudge his shoulder, despite the smile on your lips at the compliment.

“You are,” he says, his tone matter-of-factly with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I can’t believe you,” you laugh, “since when did you get so cheesy?”

He doesn’t say anything else, a silence settling over the two of you as you stay eyeing each other.

He’s a soft boy, after all. Under the rapping, dark, deep voice stuttering over beats, the black clothes, the intimidating energy he radiated, he is soft. Sometimes you get random urges to boop his nose or squish his cheeks because he’s so adorable, but maybe that’s just you being weird.

“Thank you,” you say softly after a few seconds, blood rushing to your cheeks.

You cherish and admire him, and with the amount of love that fills your being - you swear there are hearts in your eyes.

Yoongi notices the way your cheeks have been dusted pink, his heart warming at the sight, fluttering in his ribcage as your hand finds his - interlocking your fingers together.

“Come here,” he mumbles, pulling you closer.

You happily oblige and settle in front of him, sitting in between his spread out legs, your back leaning against his chest behind you.

He lays his arms around your waist, placing kisses along your exposed shoulder. You relax against him, head falling to rest on his shoulder - letting your eyes fall close. Your hands find his as they lay across your stomach, your fingers skimming soothingly over the back of his hand.

He leaves a few kisses on top of your head before hugging you closer to his front. You almost melt against him, but a sudden shatter in front of you causes a squeal to escape your mouth, tensing as you press further into Yoongi at the unexpected noise.

You see glass scattered on the cement path in front of where you’re seated, alcohol pungent in the air as it paints the ground dark, liquid spreading. You look over to see a drunk man, who had fallen to the ground after the throw - two police-men now surrounding him.

The bottle lays broken on the ground, once a perfectly intact piece now fragmented into hundreds - impossible to fix.

Yoongi is startled as well, the sudden shatter of glass against the cement causing him to lose control of the moment. Darker thoughts start making their way back into his mind and as his gaze falls upon the pieces scattered across the ground, he can’t help but think of the broken utopia that resides without you.

His grip on the dream feels as if it’s fading slowly, and you feel more distant to Yoongi although still right there with him - until you speak again, bringing him back to present - though he’s not in full control of the dream anymore.

“Was it bad?”

Your words confuse him, and he feels his heart getting heavier. He lost it. He lost the moment.

“What do you mean?”

Your mood has changed, he senses it instantly. You slump against him, looking down at your lap as you run your fingertips over the back of his hand.

“When I passed,” you elaborate, “how bad was it?”

Yoongi’s breath is caught in his throat, now aware of what you’re talking about. He releases a sigh at the topic, feeling a lump forming in his throat. He wanted this to be the perfect dream, but instead, he let you down.

After no answer, you shift and turn so you’re facing him. You look at him, any trace of a smile on his face gone - his eyes dull.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” you whisper, taking both his hands in your own.

Yoongi feels as though the air thins around him, looking down at your intertwined hands as his eyes start stinging with tears. His hands suddenly feel cold on your hold.

He knows you’re right. He knows.

“It’s the only way I get to see you anymore,” he whispers, still avoiding your gaze as he continues, “it’s the only way for me to tell you what I didn’t have the chance to.”

You look at him, heart breaking at the sorrow that resides within him, how dull he seems.

His voice is unsteady as he speaks, his hands fiddling with yours. “I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

“Yoongi-”

“God,” he lets out a chuckle, though it’s broken. “Your note, I read it just before I found out you-” He doesn’t finish his sentence, breath heavy in his lungs - throat closing in.

His hands leave yours to tug at his hair, his head falling forward to rest against his palms - his body suddenly weak, his heart frail.

“You were so excited to go here that day, weren’t you? And then you-”

“Yoongi,” you stop him from going further, “we’re here now, aren’t we? It’s okay.”

You grab his hands again, trying to calm him.

“But we’re not forever,” he says, now looking into your eyes with blurred vision as tears threaten to fall, “This isn’t real, I’ll wake up in a cold bed, and you won’t be there with me.”

“I will, even though you might not see me. I’ll always stay by your side, I’ll always listen when something is weighing you down, I’ll give you all the energy I possibly can when you’re feeling low. My hand is always in yours, even though you might not feel it.”

He exhales an erratic breath, head falling onto your shoulder.

“I’m nothing without you,” he mumbles against the skin of your neck, “you were my everything.”

Your heart breaks as you hear his words. What could you have done to prevent all this? Could you have taken a different turn? These thoughts roam your mind, a sorrow inside you because you caused this - because you left him.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, leaning into him.

“Don’t,” he says, “this wasn’t your fault.”

Seoul fades around you, every person disappearing until it’s just the two of you left; you, Yoongi, and the orange sun.

“Promise me you’ll try to get better.”

He doesn’t say anything, his breath hot against your neck.

“I know it’s gonna be hard, and that it’ll take time - but please find happiness again, enjoy work, laugh with your friends, watch the sunset, meet new people,” you speak, eyes watching the sky as you hold him close. “I’ll be with you every step of the way until we see each other again, I’ll hug you in the morning, I’ll tell you how much I miss you, I’ll kiss you - but only after I’ve applied my lip balm.”

He lets out a soft chuckle, his tears falling onto the skin by your collarbone.

“Promise you’ll never leave.” He sits up straight to look at you.

You cup his face, wiping tears away with your thumbs. “I will never leave you, I promise.”

He leans into your touch, more tears falling as he closes his eyes.

“I’ll be your angel.”

“You always have been,” he whispers as a small smile settles on his lips.

You tear up at his words. “I love you.”

“And I love you.”

Yoongi decided the sun would never set that night, and you sat watching the sky for hours - enjoying having each other close for the last time in a long time. At one moment, you had pointed at the sky and said ‘like the clouds, all will pass - you’ll be okay, my love’, and those words comforted him more than he ever thought they would.

You promised each other not to cry as the colors started to fade, as the light slowly turned dark. Instead, you held each other close and made sure to share one last kiss before the moment was gone.

Yoongi woke up that morning, and his bed didn’t feel so cold anymore. You were there, although indiscernible, he knew you were lying right beside him - one arm coming up to hold him close.

Just like you told him, you’d be there when he woke up.

He still missed you, and at times he felt he couldn’t breathe at all - but you let him know everything will be alright, that eventually, everything’s going to be okay. He had a long road ahead of him until that day would arrive, but you’d walk with him - and that was all he needed to keep going.

And for the first time in a long time, he smiled. The blinds that had been down since you’d been gone, he pulled up that day to look at the sky, which was clouded and gray, but it didn’t bother him anymore.

For,

with you

the sky will always be beautiful.

masterlist

© justjeonday | 2020 | all rights reserved | reposts, translations, or modifications of my work in any form is not allowed.

[nettlestonenell]

You can come out from hiding under your desks, now.

Three Reasons You Can Stop Fretting About Peggy Carter in Endgame

It is Nell, Gentle Readers, here to settle your uncertainties and qualm your queasies in the wake of Avengers: Endgame, in particular its finale.

Tumblr (and I) are well-aware at this point (and even, it seems, some covering the fandom-at-large) that Steve’s dance with Peggy in the penultimate moments of Endgame has more than one Peggy and Steggy fan on the edge of their seat—and not always in a good way.

This emotion needs it’s own verb.

Here are the three reasons you’ve got absolutely no excuse to be worried.

But What Happened to Peggy’s Character Development in Agent Carter? Didn’t Steve Just Steal All That from Her? And Her Family? (And US?!?) Did Steve Rogers Just Sort of Murder Peggy’s Children and Grandchildren? In the Name of Love? Did I Just Watch That?

Take a breath, Peggy fan. Thank you for your support of TV-Peggy, but according to Avengers: Endgame’s in-film explanation [and multiple post-opening Russo interviews, if you accept those into canon], nothing done in the past/time heist portion in the film negates what we’ve already seen and know to have happened IN THE MAIN MCU TIMELINE (which I’ll now call ‘ours’). So Peggy DID all the things we saw her do, including become a wife and mom and grandmom and co-create and run SHIELD…and die. That can’t be unwritten or taken away from her. From “Our” Timeline Peggy.

Please put down the gun, Agent. We’ll handle it from here.

Something to notice is that the two guys who wrote Endgame, Markus and McFeely? Well, they’re actually the two guys who are credited as “Created by” for Marvel’s Agent Carter. They served as Executive Producers on the show. They wrote The First Avenger. The Peggy Carter we know (“Our” Peggy) is courtesy them directly building on the comics, for Cap’s first film, AND for the TV show. [We also cannot forget Kevin Feige, who produced The First Avenger and the TV show, AND the 2013 One-shot. Peggy is part of his hard work, too.] These are the guys who cared about and remembered James D’Arcy’s top-shelf performance as TV Jarvis, who said, of all the people they could have picked to include in the biggest movie ever to be released on this planet: yes, we want to put him in our film, most people won’t get it at all, some will get the Jarvis comics reference, and a few—we happy few—will know exactly what is going on and our hearts will grow three sizes in three seconds. This is a choice we make, because we love that show and that story, and those characters.

We as fans love Peggy Carter, yes. But these guys? These guys LOVE Peggy Carter. They’ve placed her centrally into the MCU, they’ve thought about and developed and worked on her and her journey for a decade (even before 2011 when TFA was released) . Is it logical they’d then turn around and just…set fire to the thing? Over-writing and backspacing their story and that character’s development?

And so do McFeely and Markus and Feige, Peg. So do they.

Speaking of that 2013 One-Shot, Have You Seen It?

It was attached to the DVD release of Iron Man 3, and it became a backdoor pilot to the TV series. So? Well, if you’ve watched it, Gentle Readers, you will know that it…cannot be canon if we are meant to accept ONLY Marvel’s Agent Carter TV Series and “Our” Peggy. It’s contradictory, Peggy is not entirely as we’ve come to know her. It’s a different Peggy.

Two interchangeable white men in suits and positions of power? Who ever heard of such trickery!

See, with the time travel rules and notions set up in Endgame, the multiple tellings of Peggy Carter’s story actually…work in greater harmony than ever before. Think about it:

The Peggy Carter in TFA doesn’t have the shaky standing among co-workers and on-going struggle to accept her own worth over how others treat her that is given to/developed for her in Marvel’s Agent Carter TV Show. That new (but necessary to dramatic progress) character beat was created and introduced in the TV show.

The Agent Carter One-Shot Peggy is NEITHER the Peggy nor the SSR agents that we meet and watch in the TV Show.

And the Peggy dancing with Steve in Endgame is NOT “our” Peggy. She’s Peggy at a different point than when we knew her—or, Peggy at the LAST point we knew her, about to change and grow beyond our understanding of her with Steve re-arrival.

She is Peggy (just like the One-Shot is Peggy), same skill-set—but different life experiences.

You Can Choose to Believe What You Like About that Dance.

It’s not going to be elaborated on any more than it has been on film. And here, ultimately, is your saving grace. Here, is the possibility of harmonizing Our Peggy with Branch Reality Peggy. Please thank Kevin Feige and McFeely and Markus for this. For leaving that shot unexplained, inexplicit, but open to eternal speculation.

It is never good to die without finishing a poem. Just ask Coleridge.

And here is what Nell is going to believe about that dance, and why.

Number One: The song choice, yes, it’s a WWII tune, but it could be playing at any time. Nostalgia is strong in all generations, but of course Peggy and Steve might dance to a song from that time—they could dance to that record in 1947 or 1957 or 1967. It’s about memories. So, the song being used as they dance is no real year-locative indicator. It’s timeless.

Number Two: The house. And here’s what I know. The house shown is a California bungalow, built predominately in warm US climates from 1910-1939. It’s a very particular style of house—not one you’d find in New York City (or Brooklyn). We are shown that house, and a small yard—and no other houses or buildings in-shot. So, clearly not in the city. [see Number Three]

Picture for architectural reference only.

The house has a yellow exterior. Is there, um, anybody from the TV Series we associate with the color yellow? Who ALSO had a California bungalow-style house—in California? Whose interior was painted yellow? Could it be this person’s house? And maybe they’re…gone?

You gotta love a man w/ a consistent aesthetic.

Number Three: Keen-eyed viewers of both seasons of the TV Show will recall both a shift in fictional and actual location from Season One being in NYC to Season Two moving to California. With this came a significant shift in cinematography. Suddenly, Agent Carter was sun-infused, the camera leaving things so sun-dappled it sometimes bordered on being out-of-focus.

Above, Season One Agent Carter. An homage to noir.

Above, Season Two Agent Carter. Let the sun shine in.

That’s exactly how the dancing scene was shot.

Conclusion: This scene is set in California, therefore, after Peggy moved there from NYC, as she stated she was about to do in the series finale.

Number Four: Steve Rogers knows the details of “our” Peggy’s life. He would know when she married, to whom, all about her children. He would know her timeline. We can’t know what became of her husband (whom we generally assume to be Daniel Sousa), only that he is absent from photos at her aged bedside. It would be no huge stretch to wonder if he hadn’t been killed working for the SSR. If this were true, Cap would know that as well. Being a widow would not negate Peggy’s children, nor prevent Cap from coming on-board and helping raise them. Or the two of them having children of their own.

No doubt, this photo was on the other side of Peggy’s bed when she was in care.

It’s no great stretch at all to go forward understanding that Cap’s arrival could show up the day after Agent Carter’s series finale episode set around 1947—or even fifteen years later.

Bottom Line? Cap knows more about “our” Peggy’s life than we do, and whenever he chose to stop in and stay [and maybe he co-ordinated it with returning one of the stones, such as in 1970—the dancing clip is rendered timelessly, and will take closer scrutiny to try and date it through Peggy’s dress, hair, and possible wrinkles-given] he would do so in a way so that he (and the writers) would rob Peggy and her family of nothing.*

Because that’s who Steve Rogers (and the screenwriters that created the film version of him and Peggy) is.

Peggy’s known. Peggy’s always known.

*Right after he managed to rescue Branch-Bucky.** **After stealing more Pym Particles as he replaced the Tesseract in 1970.

Sleep tight, Gentle Readers, Cap hasn’t disappointed you—or Peggy. He (and Feige, and McFeely and Markus) have just made it so you can

[rabbiteclair]

So, a whole lot of notes on Flatscreen. This is, like, halfway my attempt to analyze what I was doing for myself, so I can't guarantee they'll be informative or interesting to anyone else, but hey. It should go without saying that there are tons of spoilers in here.

Mysteries And Stuff

I guess the big thing on my end was that I deliberately went out of my way to avoid establishing a definite answer about What's Actually Going On with big facets of the story. Like, I didn't come up with them at all. Some of them don't strictly need answers. Some of them I felt were best left mysteries. Overall, though, subjectivity was kinda a theme for the story as a whole, so it felt appropriate to leave as much as possible open to interpretation. Most of these have apparent explanations within the story that work, because I still wanted a coherent narrative, but here's a short list of things I deliberately kept a bit vague: Does Gensokyo exist in this timeline? Compare the list of occult goodies Renko inherited from Sumireko in Flatscreen:

There are a handful of keepsakes, passed down from your grandma, that have managed to keep your faith in the supernatural alive. A photo of a gate in the Netherworld, with cherry blossoms on one side and a mundane graveyard on the other. A series of videos from her long-archived blog where she's bending spoons and levitating balls with her mind. A rock she brought back from 'some pyramid or another' that does, in fact, sharpen any razors you leave near it.

to Eyes in the Dark:

It had been a large box full of stuff, and practically the only mundane thing in it was a pack of Zener cards.

There was also a photo of a gate in the Netherworld, with cherry blossoms on one side and a mundane graveyard on the other. I know it's the Netherworld, because Maribel and I investigated it once. (Case File #6) There was a series of selfies that my grandma had taken with people she swore were youkai. (A few of them did have remarkably realistic costumes if not.) A recording of an unearthly song that did strange things to the listener's mood, that was supposedly from a youkai night sparrow. A heavily-warded jar with what could only be a ghost of some sort bound inside.

Flatscreen Renko... really didn't get anything impressive, apart from maybe the Netherworld photo from Ghostly Field Club. Maybe Sumireko just didn't leave her much--Renko doesn't really seem to know anything substantial about Gensokyo in the canon stories, after all. Maybe the Sealing Club stories are an alternative timeline from the main Touhou canon, and Maribel is traveling between worlds when she visits Gensokyo (we already know she's ended up in current-Gensokyo's past before, so it wouldn't really be much weirder.) Plus, Fantasy wasn't in very good state when Renko visited it. I think that's probably the case either way--Gensokyo would be a pretty crowded place if every single forgotten god, myth, or youkai ended up there. But, you can definitely point to it as evidence that Gensokyo isn't out there making things better, if you want. Is Renko the real Renko? What even counts as 'real' in this particular case? Whether or not this all happens in the same world or timeline as Gensokyo, Renko might not be The Renko that Maribel remembers. She raises the possibility herself in chapter 3--she has a past that she remembers, with no Maribel in it. It's entirely possible that by erasing Maribel, the monster changed the past and made a new timeline with a whole new Renko. Or maybe she's from a pre-existing timeline and was out there all along. Or, hell, if we're considering alternative timelines anyway, maybe this isn't the same Renko or Maribel from the Sealing Club stories. Or maybe Maribel is right, it's all one tidy timeline, and the monster didn't do much except alter some of Renko's memories. I did kinda wimp out on this one a little, by letting Renko regain memories of Maribel. It undermines some of these possibilities, but I couldn't stand the thought of having Renko go through all of that and only remember a single week with her. What is the monster? I really wanted Renko to make some kind of Black Hole Information Paradox comparison here, but never found a way to shoehorn it in. Regardless, it kinda fits. Whether the monster was a god, or a youkai, or whatever, almost by definition, there's no way of knowing what it used to be. All that information was lost when it got completely forgotten. Or maybe Maribel's theory is completely wrong, and these things aren't gods. She was guessing on pretty thin evidence. Renko thought she saw claws on some of them, and the main monster had some kind of weird features at times too. Stealing existence might be a bit much for an undead myth. If you want to interpret it as some kind of minor elder horror or an especially unstylish Excrucian or something, it doesn't change much about the story except maybe some of the implications. This is part of the reason I avoided giving it a name. The other half was for horror purposes--having Renko give it a snappy nickname like she did in Eyes in the Dark would make it feel a little less scary, I think. For what it's worth, in my notes, I referred to it as the Static.

History and connection with Eyes in the Dark

I really gave most of the relevant bits in the notes at the beginning of the story on AO3. The short version is, the story didn't originally have a monster, and when I decided to add one, a few rounds of expansion later, I had the outline for Eyes in the Dark. There are a few tracts of text that I originally copied over verbatim, and any differences in the section between the two stories evolved over time. The stuff about fake fish is one of them. Renko's big list of stuff Sumireko left for her is another. The monster from Flatscreen is fairly similar to the first iteration of what became the Watcher. When I went to add monster(s) to the first partial draft of Flatscreen, I thought it would be best if it was something that could threaten Maribel, even with her TV-dwelling nature, so a TV-filling monster was one of my first ideas. Obviously the monsters in both stories evolved quite a bit from that point, so it'd be incorrect to say that it's an earlier evolution of the Watcher. This is probably why both stories pretty heavily revolve around televisions, though. The lack of a monster to add some opposition was one of the two things that made me shelve the first draft of Flatscreen.

The other one was the lack of an ending. 'And then Maribel became Yukari' is practically a stock ending for Sealing Club stories, but somehow it didn't occur to me for about two and a half years.

Chapters 1-3 are pretty similar to what the original draft had, minus the monster. In the original draft, Maribel’s plan was to take Renko on a tour of various places they’d visited together, to try jogging her memory, which might hopefully help Maribel become real again. The plan was for Renko to get more and more absorbed in the fantasy world with Maribel in it, while Maribel just kept getting weaker and weaker. Eventually, Maribel would get too weak to even show up outside of Renko’s dreams, and Renko would decide it was better to float off into nonexistence with her than stick around on Earth alone.

... this was the plan for about thirty seconds before I realized it kinda sucks, at least. The lack of a satisfying ending was the main thing that made me drop the story and move on to other ideas.

Yukari!!!

Anybody who’s talked to me on the topic much (this is a list that has like two people on it, so in retrospect this was a bad way to introduce this paragraph) knows that I’m actually not all that fond of ‘Yukari is older Maribel’ as an interpretation of their relationship, in general. For one thing, whenever canon has a big open question and everyone just kind of decides it has to be answered the same way, I wanna go the opposite direction just to spite them. (See also: the idea of the previous shrine maiden being Reimu’s mom.) For another, I feel like it produces a lot of kinda crappy stories. I’ve read a ton of doujin and stuff where Maribel isn’t a character, she’s a macguffin for Renko to chase after, or a placeholder to stand around until Yukari pops up.

... but it isn’t an inherently bad idea, so I was able to convince myself to end the story like this after a while.

If I had to guess (and I do, since it’s another thing where I didn’t come up with a strict Objectively True Answer), it was just kinda the first step. That talk she gave about ending up somewhere else eventually was pretty open-ended. It definitely made her a bit weirder and more... eldritch. Probably, she drifted around in there for a while, ended up way in the past, and came back to find Renko again once she was able to. Could’ve been decades or centuries on her end.

I did definitely mean to drop some hints about how this all led to her becoming Yukari, though. Between the abandoned tanuki house and the really horrible state of Fantasy in the last chapter, it isn’t hard to see where she might get interested in something like Gensokyo. She’s literally playing around with the boundary between fantasy and reality before the story starts. And her walled-off fantasy bubble in the last chapter is basically a mini-Gensokyo, if you wanna think about it that way.

... I think that’s all the stuff I intended to cover? If I missed anything, feel free to shoot me a question, I guess.

[strawberryjun]

one hundred reasons to love lee jeno

eye smiles !!!!!! hes all (∪ ◡ ∪) all the time

his we young hair !!! metallic and blond and Beautiful

"no jam-jeno" what a b a b y

hes actually hilarious trust the rest of nct just makes him look bad

his dancing !!!! he always tries so hard and I know a lot of ppl compare to jisung, but they have 2 completely different styles and hes amazing in his own way

in his joy interview when he literally did Not Stop smiling

baby dont stop dance cover with jisung

his fashion sense is really nice and cute and colorful

"manners make men"

when jaemin was trying to kiss him and hes all "no,,,, ,, , help me,,,, , , sa ve m e"

speaking of jaemin , ,,,, nomin,, ,, , icons

he named his airpods "jeno's shower heads" like honestly wow

the very beginning in we young where hes dancing in the front ykno and in go and in black on black: Powerful

his face when haechan called him the funniest member

his voice is so nice to listen and it makes his raps so much better

search up "60 seconds with jeno" and u will be b l e s s e d

when he was too excited during the go filming that he was running and ran into and broke the green screen

jeno was one of the members who could do a wheelie on a bike

he tried So Hard during the I love you game but couldn't keep going bc the smile :))))))

whenever hes disgusted by something and his whole face shrivels up and wow

his commercial with the milk when he was younger and the ~cutest~ smile I have ever seen + all the other cfs he was in

I talk about his smile a lot but during weekly idol when the host complimented it and he couldn't stop smiling UWU

such guitar skills !!!!

his eyes literally Glow like I was showing my friend a video and she now stans because the universe is actually in his eyes

his instructions on how to ride a hoverboard

whenever he gets excited it's so evident and beautiful

did a whole one legged spin on the hoverboard time to Stan

part of 00 line aka the ppl who are gonna take over the world

emceeing legend

is allergic to cats, but has 3 of them ?????

hes a taurus (like me wow our bdays r three days apart too !!) and taurus men r very affectionate and love giving gifts and making ppl happy so basically is the best boyfriend you could ever ask for

hes literally the lead rapper, lead dancer, a vocalist and a visual hes really Out Here

hes soft, and his face is soft and his voice is soft and Oof soft icon

he couldn't open the package so he just ,,,, ,,,,,, , ,, ,, started hitting it

"this is jisung" stabs the mochi

just think abt how much his voice changed in two years bro I'm weak

listen,,, , jesus starts with a j,, , ,,, and so does jeno,,, ,, , coincidence ??? I think not

on the most recent the show that hes emceeing, he did this lil eyebrow raise and he got so flustered and omg

he looks so good in hats ??? wow ???

at the end of the joy behind the scenes vid, hes wearin this rlly puffy back jacket and black cap and my heart: burst

he looks so good in glasses ??? not only like framed ones, but goggles too like damn

when mark, jaemin and him were singing go in the car and he just started screaming and made them all have a Chuckle

his beautiful white shirt in the go dance practice he looked so fly

doyoung being his number one fan (other than me, of course) and always hyping him up this is what everyone should do stan jeno

when he kept slipping during one of their performances and he just kept sheepishly smiling to himself I'm gone

dude when he was playing love yourself on the guitar and haechan was singing but jeno moved to the chorus when haechan wasnt finished the verse and the way he looked and smiled at haechan wow

his go photoshoot: Art

him in eye contacts (I mean he doesnt need them but mans still looks hot)

in the joy mv, his highwaisted pants thingy oof that was Good

whenever any of the members makes fun of him, he doesnt say anything and just smiles hes so lovely

he said he likes haek-no jam !!!! and that he wants us to remember him by that and eye smiles !!!!

his laugh is a sound from heaven tbh

he won the random dance because he is a dance legend !!!!

he always seems to look at people with the utmost sincere love I've never seen him mad

in the nct recording thing when the producer said that he sounded like mark and he just goes 'well that's no good' s a v a g e

speaking of the recording he sounded angelic and also he does like this lil turn right after he finishes his part and it's so cute he like bounces back bc he whipped around to hard

his face in the song challenge thing where he was focusing and his mouth was open and he was squinting and looking towards the ceiling

him and haechan pranked jisung but changing his bg to a cockroach no jam-jeno who ???? I only know prank legend-jeno

he always goes straight from his emceeing duties to his nct duties hes a busy loyal man

his fingers r so long ??? how

he looked like such a Nerd predebut ,, , but I dig it

during nct night night where he went on with renjun whenever he spoke he spoke so softly and beautifully and I Cried

ok but his body is really nice like wiki how to have a jeno body

that predebut vid of donghae taking pics of him and he like shoved him at one point bc of how shocked he was of their similar appearance but jeno just stood their smiling at him

theres this picture !!!! its part of the nct dream official goods photoset I think !!!! he has black hair and hes like pulling on a marshmallow and honestly Blown Away from the beauty of this boy (I'll post it l8r)

his hands r so so nice and I just want to hold them :(

his black hair !!!! wonderful !!!!

jAW LINE g u y s

k I already said abt his dancing but he just picks stuff up so quickly and hes so effortless but at the same time giving all his effort idk it's just Amazing

those polaroids of him and jaemin idk of it's the lighting but he looks so Damn Good in those

when they were trying to get the food using the grabbing machine and jisung failed so jeno just 'thank u <3' and proceeded to get three foods

that video where hes woth doyoung and he kept messing with him and slapping him

his color block sweater !!!! I love that sweater so much

the random faces he kept making at the beginning of the 00 live, the one featuring his tongue rlly got me

wHEN HAECHAN KEPT SPOILING GO SO JENO LITERALLY T A C K L E D HIM wow

that vid of him looking renjun then pretending he had nothing to do with it

when he thought that his wish wouldn't come true so he just ran around with his arm in the air

jeno grabbing marks leg and mark clinging onto him like a koala so he wouldn't fall while saying sorry for whatever he did

jeno looks soft but he'll kill u with his eye smile and strong arms bro

the vids of him and jaemin at school: Pure

that vid of jaemin speaking thai and jeno saying no when jaemin asked if he was cute

the thing he did with jisung where jisung made a buzzing sound and jeno pretended to catch the bug and when he shook his fist m8 I uwu so dang hard

when he played the crocodile teeth game with jisung and scared him and he thought it was so funny he had to lay back on the couch to laugh

I really,, , , love his eyebrows ??? idk if it's just me bu t his stylists must have a rlly fun time filling them in cuz they're already so perfect

his legs !!! so nice and long wow

the biting of his bread, almost as powerful as his dancing

jeno-imnida !!!

he always looks good but when he has those stupid filters it just makes my day

his cherry bomb aegyo !!

when they were waking up on nct life and renjun kept making that noise so jeno fell on top of him

on nct life when he was playing the guitar and just Setting The Mood

he said jaehyun was one of his favourite artists he just respects and admires nct so much

shoulders: Wide

hes an absolute god tier denim wearer

I think the question was something a long the lines of who would be the best emcee and they kept saying chenle but the whole time jeno was just in the back pointing to himself and trying to flex well guess what mOrk

sleepy jeno = clueless jeno =baby boy jeno

"jeno hwaiting !!!! hehehhe"

when doing the holding hands with jaemin his "I'll hold u like this, ,,,,, UAOOOoooOh"

right before the we young (?) performance markhyuck were arguing and blocking jeno fron getting to the front where hes supposed to be and so he just moved mark out of the way ICONIC 100. literally softest boy ever, loves his members and what he does so much and I'm proud of him and his no-jam there I said it

[chrissy96trans]

[MAGAZINE INTERVIEW] 180420 WINNER for HARPER'S BAZAAR KOREA May Issue

JINWOO

Q. Do you have a personal favorite on the full album EVERYD4Y?

MOVIE STAR. It might be because I know the production process behind the making of the song and the motive and meaning of the lyrics but the lyrics are very realistic to me. I’ve found that I really like that kind of realism. (laughs)

Q. Is there a song [from the album] that you want to recommend we listen during this current season?

I want to recommend EVERYDAY to listen to during the spring. All the side tracks are good though.

Q. You usually always don’t do much to your hair but your curls are really eye-catching. Whose idea was it?

While I was thinking about our concept, I found this hairstyle on the internet. I said, “I want to do this hair!” while showing the pictures I found to our staff members. They all liked it. Actually, I curled my hair for REALLY REALLY promotions too but no one remembers it. (laughs) I want to keep curling my hair until the end of this promotion. Since I’ve always kept my hair long, I also want to try cutting it short like a buzz cut.

Q. Following “REALLY REALLY”, the public has become more attuned to Jinwoo’s vocal color. Is there a song you want to specially remake while highlighting your vocals?

Justin Bieber’s “Love Yourself”. I sang it very often when I practiced my singing [during my trainee period]. I recorded it multiple times too.

Q. You’re constantly working on your variety show skills by appearing on “Infinite Challenge” and “Live a Good Life”. You’re a vocalist in WINNER but how do you feel when you appear on variety shows alone?

As a singer, I think I’m given two options when I get to appear on variety shows. I can either forget the characteristics I show as a singer and immerse myself in the variety show or sustain my singer image on the show. I do the former. When I appear on variety show, I forget all about WINNER Kim Jinwoo’s appearance and I try to show me, the 100% human being Kim Jinwoo.

Q. Spending time as 100% human being Kim Jinwoo must also be precious to you then.

Yes, I’m a homebody so the time I stay at home amounts to quite a lot. But through variety shows, I’ve met many different people and I’ve become quite extroverted. I go outside to spend time with people more often now.

Q. Who is the artist you respect the most?

The late actress Choi Jin-shil. When I first watched the drama “My Rosy Life”, I became obsessed with it. Naturally, the acting she showed on that drama was really good too. That drama was the reason behind my wanting to officially start acting. 

Q. Many people always talk about how you are a “warm-hearted person who cries easily”. On the other hand, Seungyoon, who trained with you [for the longest time] said that you are tenacious and that you’re a “genius through effort”. Are you usually very generous to others while being strict on yourself?

That’s right. I really hate to inconvenience others. This makes me be really strict on myself. Because of that, whenever I get angry or sad, instead of depending on others, I tend to repress my emotions often. There are pros and cons to this kind of personality.

Q. Who do you think is the winner of life?

Myself (laughs). When I look back from the time when I was a child who grew up in the countryside to the present where I’m a member of WINNER, there have been many changes. I’m going to continue to work hard to go forward.

MINO

Q. Your never letting go of your camera on set really impacted me.

I’m really into photography right now. I started it as a hobby last year but I’ve become more focused(/serious) about it recently. But because of that, I’ve bought too many cameras that it’s becoming a problem. I counted the number of cameras I’ve bought so far and they totaled up nine.

Q. Do you like collecting things?

Actually, I love things(/objects) in general. Four years ago, I really loved action figures so I collected them. At the time, our dorm was small so organizing them into a cramped space was really exhausting. Now, I like things/objects that are useful and I like efficient things that I can create with more than things I just look at.

Q. What songs do you enjoy listening to these days?

Hmm, I’ll show you my playlist. My all-time favorite song is Childish Gambino’s “Redbone”. I’ve been listening to it on repeat today, here on set. I also like Bachi(?)’s “Beautiful”.

Q. It feels like your rap style is constantly changing.

When I was in high school, I admired rappers with hard/rough voices. I liked rapping voices like DMX so I made my voice raspy and even shouted when I rapped. But you need a voice that has a wide spectrum rather than an aggressive voice when you need to be able to own all the songs in an album. I became aware of that and kept working hard. Once I changed my style, the spectrum of music I could rap to widened significantly. These days, I like to put in unique words into my lyrics. I’m working hard to be aware of the very thin line between childishness and uniqueness. I hope that even if I use a word that has ambiguous meanings, the way people understand it is straightforward. Including myself, I like it when lyrics are memorable to listeners.

Q. How do you react when you are suddenly inspired in your daily life?

I note it down no matter what, whether by writing it or drawing it. I really hate it when I forget something because I didn’t note it down. I usually go to sleep at late hours because I enjoy the time right before falling asleep. Out of all the hours on the clock, that’s when I get the most ideas. When I think while lying down, I get ideas even right before my REM sleep and I either write it down or end up falling asleep, without noting anything. Whenever I fall asleep, I always regret it when I wake up. I think, “Ah! I had something amazing yesterday!”

Q. When I looked at your Instagram, I could see that you’re good at drawing and that you even design goods. It seems that you have a talent in creating. Is there an Instagram account that inspires you while producing music or designing?

Ah, I don’t want to share this… (laughs) I enjoy looking at Matt Cunningham’s Instagram feed (@moon_patrol). He’s famous for making collage artworks. I really like his art.

Q. I just noticed that your phone case has blue roses on it. I also saw a blue rose on the goods you designed.

I’m obsessed with blue roses [these days]. [One time] I was spacing out while starting at them and I looked up the symbol behind blue roses. Because they were originally difficult to attain, blue roses meant “despair/hopelessness” but as it became easier to attain, the meaning changed to “hope” and “miracle”. I loved that so I changed my Instagram profile picture to a blue rose. From that time on, my fans have been gifting me with blue roses, which I am grateful for. One time, during a concert in Japan, I received a real flower [a blue rose] for the first time. I was so worried that it’ll wilt while we were coming back home that I was really careful even on the airplane.

Q. Just like last year, you had your comeback on April 4th. What do you think WINNER will be doing on April 4th, 2019?

Fascinatingly, I used to like the number 3. But we received so much love from our 4/4 comeback last year, and we included the number 4 in the album name (EVERYD4Y), so as the point of connection with the number 4 increases, it feels like 4 is now a symbolic number for WINNER. I even feel different whenever the hands of a clock point to 4. (laughs) Director Yang Hyunsuk also supports the concept with number 4 so wouldn’t there be a high possibility that you’ll be able to listen to new WINNER music on April 4th for at least a few years from now?

SEUNGYOON

Q. Like the lyrics of EVERYDAY, what is something that feels “new every day” for you these days?

I’ve been taking photos. I like the texture of film cameras so I recently bought one. I take pictures of my members and of landscapes. I’m working on a photo album so I’m taking photos to put into it.

Q. I saw you taking photos of the flowers in the garden right outside. When you are publishing the photo album you’re working on?

It’ll most likely take some time since choosing which photos to include will take time. I’m thinking about including pieces of my writing with the photos. The writing will be about the inspiration I received from the photos. I’ll write the inspiration I got from the photo next to the photo and I’m going to leave blank spaces so people who get the photo album can fill it in themselves.

Q. Where do you usually get inspiration from?

I usually get inspirations from daydreams. With this album (EVERYD4Y), I got a lot of inspirations while thinking about our fans. Even just starting with the theme “fan” takes my thoughts to many different directions. For example, it can be about our attitude when it comes to working hard for our fans, something we receive from fans, or things we want to tell our fans. These are the strongest inspirations I received recently.

Q. Is there a song from this album where the recording process was very memorable?

MOVIE STAR, which I put the most effort and sincerity into when writing the lyrics. Most of the songs on this album can be enjoyed without much thought but we worked really hard to include our stories into MOVIE STAR. When my members wrote their rap lyrics, they tried to exert a lot of sincerity into each word so they kept revising their revisions. In the last part of the song, we all sing together and we sang it joyously as if we were out camping.

Q. WINNER has many hit songs but Kang Seungyoon’s “Instinctively” will always be remembered. Right now, as an experienced musician, is there a song you want to remake?

I feel grateful for “Instinctively” because it’s the first song that made it possible for the public to become familiar with my name. If I were to remake a song now, I think I’ll think about a lot of things before remaking it. When I covered “Instinctively”, I was young and inexperienced so I did it bravely, but now, as someone who lives as a singer who creates songs, the categories of worries I must go through while producing music has become more detailed.

Q. You are now in your mid-20s. Was there a recent moment when you truly felt like you were becoming an adult?

When I look at my past self, I think I wasn’t very understanding of myself and of others. I used to yell at myself, “Why is that all I can do? Why is this all I can do?” Now, I’m accepting of errors and mistakes and acknowledge my own. I also acknowledge that each person is different.

Q. Your members called you a “nagging mom” during their interviews. Which member does things that make you nag on them?

I don’t think I nagged on them that much recently… Actually, I nagged on Mino (laughs). When Mino becomes obsessed with something, he wants to buy all the equipments for that thing like an expert. Mino has been buying lots of cameras these days so I told him to stop buying them but he bought more (laughs).

Q. Who do you think is the winner of life?

Someone who achieves what they want to, someone who chases the happiness they define. In our case, many people liking WINNER’s music and remembering us for a long time, make us WINNERs, don’t you think?

HOON

Q. Just like last year, you came back with your full album EVERYD4Y on April 4th. What do you think you’ll be doing on April 4th, 2019?

Releasing a new album on the same date would be nice but personally, I want to show a new side of WINNER in a different season with a different vibe. We’ve promoted during spring and summer so promoting during winter would be nice too. If this becomes reality, we’ll probably be working on music [on 4/4] or we might be traveling.

Q. Which song in the album do you have special affections for?

Track 11, the song RAINING. This song is actually my first self-composition. I was treasuring it and didn’t include it in our previous albums but our Japanese agency said they wanted to release it so it was first released through our Japanese album and then released in Korea through this full album. It’s a very meaningful song for me.

Q. From your rap lyrics to your clothes, it seems like you’re a person who has your own specific color. Even when you wore the uniform for the Pyeongchang Olympic Torch Relay, there was a cheerfulness specific to Lee Seunghoon (laughs)

Whatever I do, I put storytelling as my first priority. That’s why even when I pick out what to wear, instead of something tasteless, I tend to pick out clothes that are cheerful and witty while thinking about my image. Generally, I like wearing comfortable clothes but I always make sure to color-coordinate well. Instead of black and grey, I look for colors that are fun.

Q. What’s the story behind the lunch box you posted on SNS? You posted it with the hashtag “#ihatecarrots” but the lunchbox has 6 carrots drawn on it.

The lunchbox is a goods I designed for our Japanese fans. We were able to choose the items. My members chose hats and bags but I thought a lunchbox would be fun. When I chose the band to be green and the lunchbox to be orange, I thought of carrots. The drawing of the dog on the lunchbox is my pet dog, Haute, but he doesn’t hate carrots (laughs). I was trying to come up with something witty and came up with that. Both clothes and items become memorable when there are stories attached to them.

Q. I saw the puppy academy diary you posted on Haute’s Instagram account (@maetamongisdad). There were detailed comments but which comment made you most happy as Haute’s dad?

There were many comments about Haute having a good personality. Whenever I see those kinds of things, I feel proud and think, “I’ve raised him well” so I like them (laughs). I think that dog-training is similar to human education so I make sure to be strict and establish order of rank with Haute.

Q. I saw that you also posted pictures of tasty hamburgers you’ve eaten on SNS. Can you share the #1 tastiest hamburger?

I pick New York Shake Shack burger as #1. When we went to New York to film our music video (2014 S/S), my members were very jet-lagged and tired so I searched up hamburgers and went to Shake Shack by navigating on my phone map. Rather than thinking they’re the best brand, it was memorable how it was in another country and I went to the store without depending on anyone and ordered hamburgers with limited English. I remember I said, “The taste of America!” while eating it (laughs). If I was told to go eat the same hamburger right now, I don’t think it would taste the same. Like I said, stories are important (laughs).

Q. Is there an artist who inspired you quite recently?

Chef Choi Hyunsuk. I went to one of his restaurants recently. I like what he shows as an entertainer on TV but the moment I ate the dish he made, I strongly felt the feeling of eating a piece of artwork. Experiencing the tastes and looking at the stories, decorations, and assortments that were created with the course in mind made me think, “He’s a real artist.”

translated by @chrissy96_

scans by @goduandme5 ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ (Tumblr wouldn’t let me include all the scans into this post so please make sure to check out the links)

[beautifulnightmarepost]

A Powerful Playlist

1. Respect - Aretha Franklin (Song details)

Released: April 29, 1967 Genre:

Songwriter(s): Otis Redding

Producer(s): Jerry Wexler

For me, the song "Respect" has always been one of the first songs that comes to mind when I think of Women's empowerment. Even though I have heard the song before, listening to this song takes me back to my marching band days. Researching this song promoted motived me to learn the lyrics.

"A little respect oh yeah (just a little bit)

A little respect (just a little bit)

I get tired (just a little bit) Keep on tryin' (just a little bit)

You're runnin' out of fools (just a little bit)

And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)"

While the song wasn't originally written by Aretha, she truly made it her own by adding a few details. It is worth noting that Aretha was the first one to add the iconic “R-E-S-P-E-C-T" hook line. Thus she, and her creative team helped to make this a woman's empowerment anthem.

Aside from the amazing lyrics, there is just something so cool about the tempo and arrangement of this song. The intro is so upbeat and fun I cannot help but start to dance.

2. “Miss Independent” – Kelly Clarkson

Released: April 10, 2003

Songwriter(s):  Rhett Lawrence, Kelly Clarkson, Christina Aguilera, Matt Morris

Producer(s): Rhett Lawrence

The song “Miss Independent” is another that comes to mind when I personally think about the woman’s empowerment movement. Kelly Clarkson combines creative vocals and thoughtful lyrics to really drive the point home. It is also interesting to note that other artists had turned this song down before it arrived to Clarkson. It would turn out to be her first attempt at writing a song with a group and, after her American Idol Win, it really made her as a star. The lyrics:

“So, by changing her

Misconceptions, she went in a new direction

And found inside she felt a connection”

really drive home the meaning. In short, a catching driving pop tempo and creative lyrics are the reason this song made my list.

3. “Independent Women (Part 1),” – Destiny’s Child

Released:  September 14, 2000

Songwriter(s):  Tone, Poke, Cory Rooney & Beyoncé

Producer(s): Beyoncé, Cory Rooney & Trackmasters

Desitny's child has many inspiring songs about empowerment. I could list, at least five songs that I could have used for my play list! Nonetheless, “Independent Women” is my favorite of their catalog and that is why I picked it for my list. The overall song has creative lyrics and a fun catchy beat. I can still really dance along to this song as a teen. Even as an adult, I still find the words fun and inspiring. This song drives home the idea that woman can provide for themselves. Fun fact, this song spent 11 weeks (about 2 and a half months) at number one on the Hot 100, becoming the group’s longest running number one.

“Try to control me, boy, you get dismissed Pay my own car note and I pay my own bills Always fifty-fifty in relationships”

The above lyrics drive home two important points, equality in the woman’s movement while still maintaining some independence”

4. “None of Your Business" by Salt-N-Pepa

Released: October 1, 1993

Songwriter(s):  Herby “Luvbug” Azor

Producer(s): Herby “Luvbug” Azor

Salt’ Peppa are another amazing female trio. They also have a catalog filled with impowering songs. While it was hard to pick just one, “None of Your Business” will always be one of my favorites. I remember when this song first came out. Yet the lyrics have a different feel now that I am an adult. “None of Your Business,” creative lyrics drive home a this fits right in with the overall theme for woman’s empowerment. This mix of rap and rock make this one of my favorites, because it crosses genres with its creation.

“So the moral of this story is: Who are you to judge?

There's only one true judge, and that's God

So chill, and let my Father do His job”

These words have still stuck with me to this day.

5. “Hard Out Here,” -- Lilly Allen

Released: November 17, 2013

Songwriter(s):  Greg Kurstin & Lily Allen

Producer(s): Greg Kurstin

Lilly Allen has a catalog of fun quirky yet meaningful songs. I cannot recall exactly where I was when I first heard about this amazing artist... but I remember being instantly hooked. Whenever I am having a rough day, her songs were always one of my go-too. So, needless to say, “Hard Out here” will always be one of my favorite songs by Lilly. This song is a mix of creative lyrics with the artists own brand of fun and quirky sarcasm. Thes lyrics are one of the main reasons why I picked this song for my list:7. “We Run This,” Missy Elliott

Released: February 21, 2006

Songwriter(s):  Rhemario “Rio Beats” Webber, Jerry Lordan & Missy Elliott

Producer(s): Rhemario “Rio Beats” Webber

Miss Elliot is another amazing female artist who has a lot of songs that fall under the theme over Woman’s empowerment. I picked the song “We Run This” because I thought it would best fit the overall flow of my playlist. This song mixes Electronic with hip hop genre of music. It has an upbeat tempo, making it one of those great songs with a fun “vibe.” Even though this song has some explicit lyrics, like the Liliya Allen song listed above, it also makes a point with those lyrics:

“You don't want beef, don't take it that far with a superstar I got my foot on the clutch, see me bounce my butt Misdemeanor too much and I don't give a fuck”

The lyrics shout “I am large and in charge,” and would make a good empowerment anthem.

“There's a glass ceiling to break, uh-huh There's money to make And now it's time to speed it up 'Cause I can't move at this pace"

The goal to break the glass ceiling is an ongoing one for the woman’s empowerment movement. It is nice that this song gives a slight nod to that ongoing struggle. Not to mention, the music video takes a few sharp jabs at entertainment industry. The overall tempo and music arrangement also makes this song memorable.

6. “Bitch” Meredith Brooks

Released: May 20, 1997

Songwriter(s):  Meredith Brooks & Shelly Peiken

Producer(s): Geza X

This song, by name will always come to mind when I think of Woman’s empowerment. Sure, the title might throw some people who are a little more sensitive. In my option its song’s main title is not used in a derogatory fashion. In my option, it feels empowering to call out the main part of the hook. I remember when it first came out... the lyrics struct me as very empowering, even at an early age. It was just fun to call out the tittle (much to the chagrin of my mother). "Bitch" starts off with a slow tempo and seems a bit unassuming, "innocent and sweet". Until the song changes up as the tempo song. Each time I hear this song I cannot help but song. The lyrics are fun yet gives you a something to think about:

“When you hurt, when you suffer I'm your angel undercover I've been numb, I'm revived Can't say I am not alive You know I wouldn't want it any other way”

8. “I'm Every Woman” Whitney Huston

Released: November 17, 1992

Songwriter(s):  Nickolas Ashford & Valerie Simpson

Producer(s): Narada Michael Walden

Whitney Huston will always be one of those amazing female artists. I can still recall when I first heard this song on the radio. As a young girl, it made me feel uplifted, as if I could grow up to be anything. That, hopefully, when I became a woman, that I would be able to go on to do remarkable things. Now, that I am older, I can full appreciate the importance of this song. As with some of the pervious songs, "I am Every Woman" has a good pace tempo. It is one of those fun, yet empowering songs, that gets people up and dancing. Hopefully, this powerful message will continue to be passed down to younger generations, and the singer's legacy will never be forgotten.

“Whatever you want

Whatever you need

Anything you want done baby

I do it naturally

Cause I'm every woman (Every woman)"

9. “Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves,” Eurythmics feat. Aretha Franklin

Released:  October 1, 1985

Songwriter(s):  David A. Stewart & Annie Lennox

Producer(s): David A. Stewart

While there are many modern songs for woman’s empowerment, I wanted to add this older tune to provide a better mix.  “Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves,” is one of those classic songs that drives the point. These lyrics drive home the theme:

“There was a time When they used to say That behind every great man There had to be a great woman But in these times of change You know that it is no longer true So [,] we're coming out of the kitchen”

Like the other songs in my list, this one has a very upbeat tempo to match the lyrics. It is a very 80's song, but that is not a terrible thing! The arrangement is creative with that fun driving beat that brings out the amazing vocals of Eurythmics and Franklin. The music video also pokes fun of some of those old outdated ideas that once kept women back. Going back to the main theme, this song is about woman moving on to stand proud.

10. Karisome Otome - “Temporary Virgin” by Shiina Ringo

椎名林檎×斎藤ネコ「カリソメ乙女」の歌詞

Released: November 11, 2006

Songwriter(s):  Ringo Sheena, Soil & "Pimp" Sessions

Producer(s): Uni Inoue

I wanted to wrap this playlist with something a little different, but it keeps with the overall pop theme. I discovered this artist by happy accident while researching another topic. Shiina Ringo is an amazing vocal who has written most of her own songs. The fast tempo pairs nicely with Ringo’s voice. “Karisome Otome” is a song with an amazing mix of gernes. The tune starts of soft and sweet, much like Meredith Brooks’s “Bitch.” While the theme of her songs varies, I picked this one because it pokes a little fun at the role women take when it comes to flirting and such. Here is the English translation of the entire song:

I'm just like the women Who stand next to you and stare Sweet intoxication But I'm leaving this affair You lit up my daydreams Like so many other guys Don't you look so lonely There's no sorrow in goodbye

What women want are some simple pleasures To be special We don't need you forever But I fell for your trap Girls will fall like that I was floating on a breeze What you must be feeling It was too late yesterday Despite your deceiving It was me who had my way But women always attempt to tell lies And to disguise, conceal what we want So when I try to deceive won't you believe Or say that you forgive me

In my option the song pokes some light hearted fun at the stereotype that women need men in a long-term sense. There are serval versions of this song, even one in English. Yet, like many of the songs, I wanted to mix things up by adding an artist that might be new to some of my readers.

Thanks for reading my list! Please check out the playlist, on YouTube. Drop me a line if you know any other great songs! I am open and love listening to different genres of music.

Sources:

http://albumlinernotes.com/Liner_Note_Samples.html

https://parade.com/961387/jessicasager/girl-power-songs/

https://www.songfacts.com/facts/aretha-franklin/respect

https://popculture.com/music/news/aretha-franklin-respect-hidden-history-makes-it-more-powerful/

https://kellyclarkson.fandom.com/wiki/Miss_Independent

https://www.songfacts.com/facts/kelly-clarkson/miss-independent

https://genius.com/Destinys-child-independent-women-part-1-lyrics

https://genius.com/Salt-n-pepa-none-of-your-business-lyrics

https://genius.com/Lily-allen-hard-out-here-lyrics

https://genius.com/Meredith-brooks-bitch-lyrics

https://genius.com/Missy-elliott-we-run-this-lyrics

https://genius.com/Whitney-houston-im-every-woman-lyrics

https://genius.com/Saygrace-you-dont-own-me-lyrics

https://genius.com/Eurythmics-sisters-are-doin-it-for-themselves-lyrics

https://genius.com/Sheena-ringo-saito-neko-karisome-otome-temporary-virgin-lyrics

[mikumanogi-blog]

2017-05-16 “12″ Kubo Shiori Blog #13 [ENG]

The day after the concert I kept on trying to sleep but for some reason I was feeling lonely and so I decided to go for a walk. After walking for 5 minutes, I got tired and went home. I do not think walking is for me.

Hello everyone, thank you for your continuous hard work. I am Nogizaka46’s 3rd generation member, 1st year high school student and 15-year-old Kubo Shiori. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Today’s blog is going to be on the long side.

Thank you so much for the handshake event in Nagoya on the 6th and 7th of May!! For the national handshake I was paired with ChocoReno! Watching Reno’s high energy made me feel blessed to be with her. Reno’s fans were also very nice, and it was fun to meet them! Thank you so much.

At the individual handshake I wore white overalls, and off-the-shoulder shirt… Thank you to everyone that came! It was super fun wasn’t it〜〜〜〜!

(my outfit for the 3rd time slot was posted on Miichan’s blog)

(TL note: Picture for Mizuki’s blog along with the caption ‘Shiorin with her staple red bandana’)

That’s right Miichan, I read you blog 〜 I hope you’re happy. The way that you think of me makes me feel nothing but happiness. Miichan, I love you. I’m so glad I met you. (I didn’t mean to tell her I loved her but the other day I did by accident.)

Minamin sat beside me on the Shinkansen ride to Nagoya. She looked so cute so I couldn’t help but take a picture〜〜

Moving on, our 3rd generation solo live concert finally concluded on May 14th. Thank you very much. Our set list was something like this.

 Overture

Sanbanme no Kaze

Girl’s Rule

Natsu no Free & Easy

 MC

 Dance corner

Influencer

Koko ni Iru Riyuu

Inochi was Utsukushii

Seifuku no Mannequin

Dankeschon

 Nogikoi

 VTR

Guuzen wo Iiwake ni Shite

VTR

Hoka no Hoshi Kara

VTR

Arakajime Katarareru Romance

VTR

Sekkachi na Katatsumuri

 Solo MC

 Kanashimi no Wasurekata

Nandome no Aozora ka?

Kikkake

Kimi no Na wa Kibou

 MC

Nogikoi or solo MC

 Guru Guru Curtain

Hadashi de Summer

Romance no Start

Oide Shampoo

 MC

 Omoide First

 The encore set list was different each day but

Aitakatta Kamoshirenai

Hashire! Bicycle

 Shakiism

House!

 Taiyou Knock

Romantic Ikayaki

 Nogizaka no Uta

These are the song that we performed. (I’m sorry the list is so hard to see…)

During the Unit corner I also participated in ‘Hoka no Hoshi kara’ and ‘Arakajime Katarareru Romance’.

To everyone that came, everyone who did calls, and everyone who wanted to go but couldn’t, thank you so much. It is thanks to everyone’s support that we are able to be where we are now.

Now that those 6 days and 8 performances have been concluded, thinking back on all those days where we worked so hard, it feels like all that weight has been lifted.

When this concert was decided, I thought this was a chance. I went in with the mindset that we were blessed with a rare opportunity I never thought we would have and if we wasted it, we wouldn’t get a second chance.

Through this opportunity I was able to evolve as a person. Up till now no matter what I did I did it alone. I would always act with the feeling that “I should do it myself”. I was scared that if I were to voice my opinion that it would be ignored. Likewise, I’m not a perfect person and therefore, I don’t believe that I’m in a position where I can voice my opinion to others.

However, I realized that when preparing a concert, you cannot think like that regardless of if you think you can or can’t do it alone. Realizing that during practice spurred me to not drag the other members down and so I worked hard on my dancing, singing and other smaller details about my performance. Through this I learned that the key to producing a successful concert was only possible through exchanging your thoughts and opinions with others.

During these six days the way I was thinking changed. At the same time the relationship between all 12 members also changed. I want to put our relationship into words, but I can’t seem to find the right ones… It’s not friends, we’re a group but that isn’t all we are. It’s not family either…hmmm it’s difficult to describe.

However, one thing is for sure and that as a group we have gotten stronger, but we are not satisfied with where we are. For here on please don’t take your eyes off of us. Without relying on the name ‘Nogizaka46’, we will continue to do our best and to climb higher. We’ll continue to be in your care.

AiiA 2.5 Theater Tokyo, thank you.

I feel lucky that we got to perform in the same theatre.

Riria. Even though you’re younger than me and I caused a lot of trouble for you thank you for leading the MCs.

Renka. Even though I though there was somethings that were hard to say thank you for speaking them honestly.

Minami. Thank you for guiding us along the path to a successful concert. Because you were there, we were able to do our best.

Momoko. Thank you for going all out and doing your best, not only on the piano but until your voice gave out. You were so cool.

Tamami. Thank you for practicing the songs and dances with me until the very last minute on top of that thank you for giving me eye contact during the dances.

Kaeda. Even though you weren’t in good physical health thank you for doing the best that you could during the concert. Don’t overdo it.

Reno. Thank you for being beside me in the dressing room and listening and talking with me. Your high energy during the concert is impressive.

Hazuki. Thank you for always smiling and making eye contact with me during our dance routines. What happened during the encore on the final day is something I will never forget.

Mizuki. During the days of the concert the distance between us squeezed closer didn’t it. Thank you for always performing at 100%.

Ayano. You really supported me. Thank you for always being beside me and giving me tight hugs. Next time I will be the one supporting you.

Yuuki. Even though you were not feeling good the fact that you had the guts to still stand on that stage was really moving. Thank you for putting you heart and soul into everything you do.

 This was me looking back at the other members. From this point forward I’ll be reflecting on my own personal points.

I’m grateful to all the other 11 members but my gratitude to Momochan is immeasurable. Momochan, truly practiced the piano every single day. On days of the handshake events, before lessons, when we she had some free time, she even brought an electric piano home to practice. Without sparing even time for sleep I would see her practicing. “You don’t have to be working that hard…” I would say worried. Momochan is honestly super amazing and cool. Thank you. It was thanks to Momochan that, as a group, we were able to become closer. Thank you.

The nervousness before the start of ‘Kanashimi no Wasurekata”, the blue scenery during “Nandome no Aozora ka?” the singing of each member during ‘Kikkake” the tonality of Momochan’s Piano during “Kimi no Na wa Kibou” I’ll never forget any of them.

Because we just finished the performance, I should have a lot to say but I just can’t seem to put them into words. Therefore, please allow me to write my thoughts about the performance on my next blog. It’s kind of a shock that the words aren’t coming to me. All except one, “it’s completely over.”

I’ll leave it there for now.

Even still I don’t want to remain at this level. I want to work harder so I can rise higher. I want to make my dreams come true.  In order to make Hibiya the best performance I possibly can I’ll continue to do my best, please look after me.

To everyone involved in the production of our concert thank you so very much. There are no words to express how grateful I am to you. From the bottom of my heart thank you very much.

 Honestly right now because I’ve put all my strength into the concerts I’m not thinking straight. Today, when I woke up from my afternoon nap I panicked, threw on my backpack, and ran out of the house almost like I had a live concert that day. I wonder if I should perform a solo concert at home today. I want to do it again 〜

Speaking of which, the final day of the concert, May 14th ,was “mother’s day”. Although not on the 14th, my mom did come watch me perform. I hope that I was able to give her an enjoyable performance. During the concert period when my lessons weren’t going so well my mom helped me. I’ve always been a mama’s girl, ever since I was young, I would always be clinging to my mother. It’s hard to imagine that I would now be living this far away from her.

Ever since coming to Tokyo, whenever I would see a mother holding the hand of their child while I was out for a walk I would almost cry remembering those times with my mom. The other day, I saw this small child asked their mom “What’s for dinner todaaaay??” and it made me feel lonely. That night I called my mother and asked “What’s for dinner todaaay??” She replied with “I made minced meat cutlet. It was very delicious, I wish that Shiori could’ve eaten it too.”

 Mother, what are you doing now? You work so hard every day, thank you as always. Next time we meet please make me food again. Let’s eat together. Thank you for giving birth to me and guiding me along this path. I’ll continue to be in you care. I’ll never tell her this directly though. Nope, never.

 Did you watch NOGIBINGO!8 yet? In my own, I poured my heart and soul into my variety performance…Please don’t hate me (´･_･`)

 On the previous blog I received a lot of messages of support and impressions of the live concert. Thank you very much. Because everyone is here I’m able to be here. With that in mind I’ll keep on doing my best. I can say I’ll do my best, but I’m bad at evaluating myself and what my best is. I want to become someone who can come to value themselves, but it will probably take some time.

Even though the contents are slim the blog became quite long (´･_･`) I apologize deeply for this (´･_･`).

I’ll write again soon.

 Kubo Shiori.

 I always thought that people who don’t have the opportunity won’t change. People will say “If I don’t have a chance, I can’t change my circumstance.” But that is wrong. It’s the people who, even though they didn’t have an opportunity, but still manage to change who are the real people aren’t they.  I want to be some that makes the steps that I take every day important. A person that looks around and see’s value in how far they’ve come. With this maybe I can start to change my circumstances little by little. That’s the person I want to be. I can’t lose my focus, not even for a second.  

https://blog.nogizaka46.com/third/2017/05/038620.php

[dreamerology]

my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!