#will the empath: i can FEEL them calling for help please just pick up the worms hannibal

[clownkissersinternational]

Hannibal: Tell me will, does your act of rescuing worms from the pavement represent an attempt to play God, to exert your power and control over the natural world? Or is it an acknowledgment of our responsibility as intelligent beings to act as stewards of the earth and its creatures, to use our abilities to help and protect those who cannot do so for themselves?

Will, soaking wet from the rain, shoveling worms into his pockets: I am going to KILL you

[rereisstuff]

WHY CAN’T YOU LOVE ME?!

summary: you’ve been happy with seungcheol for years now, what changed?

pairings: idol!s.coups x idol!reader

note: angst, angst and more angst and my man coups a bad boyfriend, also this is my introduction to svt to my page enjoy, some requests should be out soon!

being both of you idols allowed you to have more privileges but, what if the limitations were bigger?

at the begging of the relationship Cheol and you were worried about being caught or even rumored but now the problems were different.

“i can’t di this anymore, i really can’t” you cried into your leader’s shoulder who patted your head in compassion.

so, Chan and Mingyu caught a flu so Seungcheol, being an apprehensive leader, called you to cancel the dinner you were having…for your 2nd anniversary.

and yes, in the call he didn’t sounded as he knew the importance of the date.

often you told these problems to your leader, thinking it was your problem for not being empathic but then you realized that Sojung wasn’t like Cheol with your bandmates.

soon, yo realized it was nobody’s fault, just a lack of mutual communication and time.

but enough is enough.

“I’m breaking up with with him Jung-ah, i’m tired” you picked up your bag, wiped your face as walking towards the door.

Sojung nodded in silence and walked you out, gave you a forehead kiss and left you alone.

and there you were, knocking at Cheol’s place, everything seemed so familiar and warm, you fought the urge to ugly cry.

Chan opened the door, looking extremely rough, making you feel guilty because what if it was Yewon the one needing you? you would be there and Seungcheol wouldn’t say a word.

but it was late, and there was other things going on.

“hi Chan, how you feeling?” you couldn’t help to touch his forehead, you raised him and Yewon at the same time, how could you not be worried?

“hi noona, i’m fine now that i see you” he flirted making you smile, well someone was up to you.

“stop it, i feed you and you flirt with my girl” Seungcheol appeared, messy hair and loose gym pants, a spoon in hand and a salt shaker at the other.

i can give him another chance, i just love him so much you thought as he walked over you, if he remember today’s date we can do this.

“i thought of visiting, as we couldn’t hang today”

“oh baby but i was thinking of making it up for you other day! you know it’s not at special occasion so we can move it!”

that’s it.

“i can’t do this anymore Cheol, i support you in the same way you do it for me” you could feel the tears rising up and Chan was gone.

“what? baby are you…”

“i’m not okay! today we would turn two years together! and you couldn’t even remember cause i don’t matter and i’m tired of being the second option”

“i have to take care of them, of everything! i’m tired too honey, understand please” he said softly and almost desperately, destroyed about hearing your feelings.

“they’re not the same kids you took care of Cheol, you don’t have to worry about them anymore!”

“i have to! i really need to!” he almost yelled at you, and then you understood it, it was lost cause, it’s over.

“farewell then Seungcheol, thank you for your love and time”

you walked towards him, kissed his tear-stained cheek and almost ran out the room.

you knew that was it, he would try to come back but even if you loved him, you didn’t want him to.

[mysticalserenity-tarot]

🌀 what is the energy that most closely mirrors your blood? 🌀 (Pick a pile)

{How to pick a pile? First, take a deep breath with your eyes closed to clear your mind. When you open your eyes, don't hesitate – pick the image that immediately grabs your attention/stirs up a memory, or the quote that is meaningful for you. Remember, you can pick more than one pile if you feel called to. If none of the images stand out for you, it means there's no message for you at this time. You can always come back to it later.}

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Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3 (from left to right)

Hello and always a huge thank you to everyone for your incredible support, it means a lot to me!

In this collective pick a pile reading, we'll delve into the beautiful energies that make up your essence. You might discover aspects of yourself that you may not consciously feel, but they are undeniably a part of you, waiting to be acknowledged and embraced. Let's see where your energy takes us.

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading I picked up on multiple energies, so please only take what resonates and leave the rest. When something resonates you usually feel a light energy and in your heart you can feel it's your message, and the pic that attracts you is a clearly sign.

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⚡ PILE 1

2 of Cups, The Wheel, 3 of Wands

Hello Pile 1, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

I sense that you may be my extroverted or ambivert pile, but you have this remarkable ability to adapt anywhere, even in uncomfortable environments. You seek harmony and are adept at finding it due to this unique ability. The Wheel of Fortune seems to confirm this, not just representing a card, but also symbolizing the way life works. You have undoubtedly experienced numerous ups and downs in your life, and challenges and obstacles no longer scare you as they once did. This is excellent! You have a broad perspective that allows you to see your goals achieved before even starting to work towards them, and I consider this a talent, as many people struggle to envision the finish line and often give up on their dreams when they don't see progress.

I feel like some of you ended up in this pile even though it may be not your pile but take this as a lesson: even if you don't see the finish line or any progress, persist and keep pushing, do not give up too soon otherwise you might regret it, ultimately hindering your growth and leaving you feeling stuck in your comfort zone. This isn't ideal, as our souls require expansion.

Now, pile 1, I sense that you share this desire for connection with people. You understand them on a profound level, which can be seen as a sign of psychics, readers, or empaths. You have strong intuition, which helps you avoid energy vampires and crowded places. To reach this level of empathy and intuition, you have likely endured more than others. I believe that many of you have prominent Scorpio or water placements or 8th or 12th house placements. Rainbows may hold significance for some of you, as my entire spread called the same vibrant colors depicted on the 2 of Cups, which is quite fascinating. Odd as it may sound, I'm suddenly observing that some of you who are tarot readers have often drawn The Tower when reading for yourselves.

Finally, this suggests that transformations and adaptation are key traits of your soul, as is your quest for harmony, deep bonds and connections, expansion, and determination.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 1.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi, I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together. [I will be providing more details on my paid readings in the future. Keep an eye out for it]

⚡ PILE 2

Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords, Moon (Strenght)

Hello Pile 2, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

I'm sensing that like pile 1, you have determination in pursuing your desires, but you can be more reckless in your approach. You may fantasize a lot, unaware of hardships, or ignore them, thinking the road is smooth, as in your fantasies (my Neptunian babies). For some of you, it's just your innate determination and search for adventures (hi, my Gemini's or air dominant!). Confirmation comes in the form of the Strength card, showing your real determination to overcome any hardships and facing them with pride. While pile 1 leans more towards an extrovert/friendly side, you're typically more on your own and keep your goals to yourself until you've accomplished them, which is the perfect way to operate. Sharing your plans with others isn't always a good idea, as you might face people who don't have your best interests at heart. Always trust your intuition and body signs.

I sense that you're nurturing, in your own way, which means tough love and no sugarcoating. You'd rather tell the truth to people, even if it hurts: "a harsh truth rather than a good lie" that's what I'm hearing - maybe one of you told this to someone.You watch over your people from above, always ready to defend and protect them (I love how both knight and queen own weapons), and you have the strength and compassion to do so. You have a mysterious aura, and no one can tell what you like or dislike. Your pile seems shorter compared to the other ones because you don't reveal who you are, which contradicts the air energy that I picked up before, suggesting that your natal charts might be interesting with contradicting elements and placements and energies.

Your energy could be described as determined, protective, mysterious, and tough-loving with a touch of recklessness. Very interesting.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 2.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi, I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together. [I will be providing more details on my paid readings in the future. Keep an eye out for it]

⚡PILE 3

Queen of Pentacles,  4 of Swords, The Chariot

Hello Pile 3, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

Another interesting energy we have here! The energy of pile 3 is all about taking care of oneself, which is something we should all adopt. This is very earthy and grounded, and it gives me a sense of peace while reading for you. You're the type to prioritize your own healing and say no to healing others until you're fully healed yourself - this is very admirable and considerate. Sometimes you ghost people, but it's with the right intentions as mentioned earlier. This also applies to readings (I sense that some of you in this pile are readers). You have a nurturing streak and vibes, and I feel like loads of people can't get enough of your energy and want to be around you, whether as friends or as lovers. I sense that even those who are romantically attracted to you but that you refuse, not your type, want at least to be your friend - how sweet. You may relate to some messages in pile 2, suggesting a similar desire for determination and protection. You're really protective of your energy, and you do not want any vampires or people with dark energies/intentions to be in yours, in any way. This is a prominent message in your reading!

You have a feminine energy, almost like a fairy. You prioritize stability in every aspect of your life, but when it comes time to rest, you don't care about anything else until you have fully recharged. For a small part, I get that you don't rest until everything is in perfect harmony and order. I sense some controlling tendencies. Let it go and just go with the flow, my beautiful people. It's admirable how you balance action and movement with rest and patience. You have a calm demeanor and certainty that we can achieve everything we want, while also taking care of ourselves. Time is an illusion, and you're aware of it. Thanks to your patient behavior, you're able to keep long-lasting connections

Some adjectives and words that describe your energy: considerate, nurturing, protective, earthy, and feminine with a touch of calmness and patience. You prioritize taking care of yourself and value long-lasting connections.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 3.

Note: -If you enjoyed this and my other readings, and you'd like to support me further, you can do so on my ko-fi, I'd greatly appreciate it. It's not mandatory.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading through my Tumblr DM or email [dvinecrystl@gmail.com]. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity. We can decide the price together. [I will be providing more details on my paid readings in the future. Keep an eye out for it]

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ANY LIKE/REBLOG/COMMENT IS APPRECIATED, ALSO IF YOU LET ME KNOW IF IT RESONATED.

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK.

ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EACH ONE OF YOU'S SUPPORT, I'M GRATEFUL 🤗🤍

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Please note that I used AI language bot to help improve grammar and spelling in my readings, as English is not my first language. However, the interpretations and insights provided in my readings are all my work, based on my intuition and the cards' symbolism.

Disclaimer: Tarot readings are for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to predict or dictate your future. The cards provide insights and guidance, but the ultimate power of choice lies with you.

[5targh0st]

NUMBER ONE GIRL

24. i don't believe you (written)

prev // m.list // next

"Rise and shine!" Someone says opening the curtains.

Sunlight hurts, and your head is already killing you, so there's no need to make everything so bright. You try to pull the sheets to cover your face, but they're ripped from your hands.

"Please!" You try to reason with whoever is responsible for such cruelty.

"Yeonjun's making breakfast," the same voice says. He said you could shower and toss your clothes in the washer; in the meantime, just wear whatever you find in his closet."

Yeonjun? And last night's memories start to come back to you. Did you seriously ask him to pick you up? He has to be the nicest person on earth if he's willing to go looking for you in the middle of the night, and even letting you sleep in his room twice.

You've been in a guy's room before, of course you have, but this is different. You're alone in Yeonjun's room. Everything feels so familiar and strange at the same time. You've been here before, but you didn't exactly stop to take a look around. Everything feels and looks so much like him. The room smells like him, and you can't help but feel embarrassed when you realize just how engraved in your mind he is.

Standing in the middle of his room, wearing his clothes, felt so intimate. Your mind starts to wander, and you must force yourself to go out before things get weird.

"Looking good, Ynnie!" You hear Soobin greeting from the living room.

Yeonjun looks up at the mention of you and smiles. "Still cold?" He asks laughing.

"Shut up!" Of course he would be like this. "I will never drunk text you again."

"I'm not sure you have much control over that." Beomgyu joins.

They're nice. It's not like you've never noticed before, but when you think about all of the things everyone said about Yeonjun and, by extension, his friends you couldn't really understand them. Sure, they're kind of intense and can come up as abrasive sometimes, but they're loyal and kind.

And, seeing Yeonjun making breakfast for his friends while joking around with Beomgyu, you can't believe how anyone could ever say that he's bad news. You don't know what happened between him and Minho, for them to harbor so much hatred towards each other, but you can't bring yourself to empathize with Minho, not when the Yeonjun you know is such a caring and charming person.

You're so lost in thought that you completely miss the way he's looking at you. You don't even notice the pink dust spreading across his face all the way to his ears. But everyone else does, they choose to stay silent though; not wanting the moment for Yeonjun. They'll have plenty of time to tease him after all.

After breakfast, you say your goodbyes and he says he'll take you home.

"You okay?" He asks after noticing your lack of yapping.

"Yeah, I just-" You're not exactly sure of what you want to say. "Thank you. For everything. You didn't have to go looking for me in the middle of the night or even let me stay the night so I really appreciate it, and you for that matter."

He laughs at you. "Isn't what friends do? I mean, I'd pick you up from the club and take you home as many times as you need me to. I know you and your friends look out for each other and everything, but if you don't feel safe or whatever you can always call me and I'll be there."

"Just for the record, I would do the same for you." You feel the need to let him know you're there for him. "I don't know if I would make fun of you, though."

"Oh, you definitely would!"

You keep talking nonsense until he stops in his tracks and turns around with a weird look in his eyes; as if he just realized something.

"You have time to do something before going home?"

"What do you have in mind?"

The colorful lights and the smell of candy and popcorn wrap you in a bubble of excitement. It's been years since you've come to an arcade; you used to go all the time back when you were little and your brother had time to take you everywhere with him.

"If we're having an arcade morning, what are we gonna do tonight?" You ask praying he doesn't suggest going to the club or anything involving alcohol.

"We're going to a club." He laughs at your reaction. "We're not gonna drink, at least not if you don't want to. I helped a friend with a song and he wants me to sing with him. So, given that I've heard you sing a couple of times already, I think it's only fair for you to come, if you want to, of course..."

Yeonjun singing? You're well aware of his passion for music but it never exactly crossed your mind that he can actually sing. It's kind of exciting.

"Of course I want to go!" You can't hide your enthusiasm. "Oh my god, what do I wear?"

"Whatever you want, be sure to be comfortable, though. It's a 40-minute drive from here so..."

"Noted."

You play around for a few hours and even go to some cozy restaurant across the street. You swear it's the best place you've ever been to, but part of you thinks it might just be the company.

He finally takes you home and tells you to be ready by 8:00 so you have almost 3 hours to pick a cue outfit and do your makeup.

"See you!" He waves before heading home to get everything ready and make sure his friends know to be on their best behavior for the night.

When he picks you up you want to die of the embarrassment. Yeji tells him to bring you home before midnight, Yunjin tells you to share your location at all times, and Karona hands you a bear spray bottle while looking directly at him.

Yeonjun looks stunned and rushes to the door once you've said goodbye. Yeji follows you and gets close to him, "Please don't shit your pants, Karina is just kidding!"

You don't wanna wait for them to pull something even more embarrassing so you take Yonjun's hand and rush to the elevator.

Once the doors close, he starts laughing and saying how crazy your friends are. He likes it, though, they're fun.

"You're gonna have a great time, I promise!"

You don't have a doubt about it, he keeps his promises after all.

The drive was fun, he has an amazing playlist and you spent half of the time singing to the top of your lungs. However, and since he was almost screaming, you're not sure how good of a singer he is. Shouldn't he be taking care of his voice?

"Stay close to me," he says when you finally manage to get in.

The place is packed and it's difficult to walk all the way to the backstage door. Yeonjun makes sure to shield you from the people pushing and shoving but someone gets in between and he loses you for a second. Before you get to call his name, his hand holds yours tightly, "Don't let go."

Some guy waves and signals you to follow them. you realize he must be a friend of Yeonjun's since he looks so happy to see him. They hug and make small talk before the other guy looks at you.

"You must be the Yn!" He says excitedly. "I've heard so much about you."

"Really?" You ask trying not to sound so surprised.

"Of course! Kai is so eager to meet you, I'm Taehyun by the way."

Kai seems to be around your age and he kind of reminds you of Beomgyu. The rest of the guys finally arrive and Beomgyu sticks to your side and keeps the conversation flowing, which you're really thankful for.

"I have to go get ready, but Beomgyu and Soobin will stay with you."

You nos and wish him luck before he runs to catch up to the other guys.

"We're really glad you could come," Soobin is not much of a talker when you're around, but he sure is nice,"he was so excited."

You don't know why he's comment makes your cheeks feel warm, but you'll worry about that later. Soobin and Beomgyu keep you company while they talk about some guy named Jake who was supposed to be performing but apparently couldn't make it.

Not long after, the lights go down and you see Heesung on the stage introducing everyone. "... and this is Yeonjun, our occasional vocalist and official producer, composer, writer, and everything in between."

"So, this was a song we all wrote together a few years ago and forgot about for a while. We recently found it again and decided to finish it so here it goes..."

You're not sure what you were expecting, but Yeonjun definitely knows how to sing. Even better, he knows his way around a stage. He's mesmerizing and you can't look away.

You almost miss the way Beomgyu smiles at you, "Don't make it so obvious." He whispers in your ear and cackles at your flustered reaction.

notes:

hyunjin is a real one

karina is an icon

yeonjun spent two hours looking for something to wear cause he wanted to impress yn without looking as if he's trying too hard

none of these dumbasses can be nonchalant to save their life

taglist: (33/50)

@estella-novella @poetryforthesad @lisaswifey @angelzforu @ihrtlix @gloriousqueenking @domfikeluva @circus-of-thoughts @conwunder @miniature-tragedy @jeonginplsholdmyhand @sh0dor1 @yourenzoo @tkshairband @realrintaro @castingjinx @amara-mars

[creelkobblelaufeyson69]

A new life

Warnings: toxic relationship and fluff

Y/n still remembers the simpler days. She would be in the garden taking care of her plants. She missed her garden and the joy it brought her in the dark days. Y/n remembers each conversation she had with her plants until she ended up abandoning them, but not on purpose of course

Her parents gave her to Dracula without even asking what she wanted. Her parents only cared about the riches that came along with her being wedded to him. Y/n was happy that her parents were dead, but she was stuck in the darkness with her husband

Y/n had stayed inside of the hospital while her husband was recovering. She sat next to him and felt so depressed. She wanted to see the outside world, but he’d never allow her to leave his side. She was actually currently sitting next to him. His busted hand placed on top of her non busted hand

“Why doe’s Renfield never give us the good stuff dear?” He asked her like she had a clue. “No clue” she kept her composure as he looks at her. “Why don’t you get us food? You always know where to find the good stuff” he asked as she continues to not look at him

She felt happy however, since she was able to leave the horrible hospital they’ve been hidden in. “I’d love too!!” She says way too excited as she looks at him. He smiles with his messed up face at her excitement. She kisses his cheek as an act, and then left the hospital

Y/n felt so free once she was outside. Tears started to leave her eyes. Renfield was coming back, but without any food. He notices her being outside, and didn’t feel scared that she was out. “Isn’t it amazing out here?” He asked her once he was closer to her

“It is! You must show me everything Renfeild!” He smiles at her enthusiasm. He hadn’t seen her smile in so many years. He knew how Dracula was towards her, so he totally empathized with her. The first time she had human blood really traumatized her

He really thought with the progress he’s been making to stick up to himself to his boss could help her out as well. He would take her to one of the churches meetings they had so he could show her how strong she really could be. “Follow me!” He says as he starts to guid her throughout the city he’s been living in

Y/n had loved every moment of the tour, and by the end of it, he brought her to his studio apartment for tea. The two sat on his couch as they enjoyed their teas. “Much better than blood in my opinion. If Dracula ever tasted this he’d just spit it out” she said, which makes Renfeild nod his head in agreement

There was silence after that. Y/n liked it a lot more in Renfeild’s apartment more than the hospital. “I like it here more than the hospital. It’s more cozy and there’s human food” she points out. This gets Renfeild curious since she was a vampire, but there was parts of her that were still human

“You can definitely stay here. I’ll make sure the sunlight doesn’t come through to harm you” she smiles since one time she had figured out she was fine in sunlight. She told this information to him, which makes him shocked. He was starting to wonder how much Y/n was a vampire. “Oh! And you must get me more comfortable clothes then these tight ones I’ve been wearing for hundreds of years” he nodded his head as he placed his tea down

She placed hers next to his. “Well you are more then welcome to stay on the couch while you stay. We can pick out clothes at a shop tomorrow” he starts, which makes her realize that she still needed to get Dracula food

“What about my husband?” She cringed at what she called him. “Y/n, I know you don’t truly love him, and you hate being down in the hospital. You don’t need to please him anymore, because you’re free” he explains, which makes her stunned

He was afraid he had said something wrong, but was told differently once she hugged him. “Thank you” she’s tearing up quickly again as he returns the hug. He smiles softly now since she was free from Dracula for now

[crimeronan]

re: your empathy posts. As someone who probably has higher than normal empathy (I used to ask people around me how they deal with sympathetic distress in common situations that occur in a job and only got blank stares) you're so valid!! The lionizing of this random subconscious process called empathy is so useless! It says nothing about the person and their values! As your other commenters suggested, people disparaging you may just be trying to boost their own shaky feelings about how their own emotional stability is deeply tied to their people-pleasing tendencies.

If anything, I think learning to function "normally" in society with "empathy" makes you more messed up. I understand this person's distress. I acknowledge it, and know how my actions will make it worse. I make them feel worse anyway, because that's the organizationally approved behavior, causing more pain for both them and myself. All the while I must behave as if I am cheerful and unbothered. Internalizing that hurting others and yourself to achieve your goals is Fine is necessary in order to stay sane. This is counter to everything people say they believe, so lying also has to become a virtue.

Buying kindness from the store seems like a really kind thing to do tbh. I am passing you on the street as I am schlupping over to pick up some callousness.

this last sentence made me giggle a lot. but YEAH!! a lot of this is spot-on to stuff i've been thinking about lately. like, "normal" empathy levels seem to be socially defined as "you care about people and want to help them, but you don't care so much that you'll harm yourself in pursuit of that" and it's all just..... i dunno. so much pathologizing of how we think and feel and whether we're Human (TM) about stuff. it's all so Weird

like..... i keep thinking that my lack of empathy gives me certain advantages in social situations. but in a similar vein to the ppl worried about sounding like tiktok empaths for being hyperempathetic, i worry that this makes me sound like an alpha male influencer writing youtube essays about why emotions make you weak, or whatever.

it's not that emotions make people weak or that having less empathy makes me like, a Cold Logical Calculating Math-Loving Strategist. i'm a writer who focuses solely on character-driven stuff, u probably wouldn't expect that from a stereotypically sociopathic person. part of why i LIKE writing character-driven stuff so much is BECAUSE i've had to actively teach myself how other people think, how they feel, how they struggle, etc

a lack of empathy means i can choose not to get invested in other people's feelings or lives, i don't feel guilty for emotionally disconnecting, i'm not afraid of being disliked. but i still know how to act like a decent human being. there's that one post about how stupid it is not to realize being nice gets people to be nice back, and fuckin. YEAH!! it's astonishing to me to read about cases of """clinical sociopaths""" (who are just people who didn't get the 'pretend you give a shit, moron' memo) manipulating and gaslighting people and whatnot. everyone in the comments will always be like "ooo so scary... they didn't feel bad at ALL... so terrifying that people who don't feel guilt exist..." and i'm like.

IS GUILT THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS YOU FROM COMMITTING ATROCITIES???

BLOWS MY MIND. IT'S LIKE..... THE LEFTIST EQUIVALENT OF SAYING EVERYONE WOULD BE MURDERERS IF THEY WERENT SCARED OF GOD. LIKE. YOU ONLY AVOID DOING BAD STUFF BC IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD??????

good LORD. at least having no empathy means i've had to grow my principles organically. oh my GOD.

anyway what brought these thoughts up today was that i was thinking about gansey and luz noceda, since theyre extremely similar characters & on my All Time Faves list. and i've said this before but the things i love about them (the kindness, self-sacrificing shit, anxiety, etc) are things i don't see in myself. but Wish I Did. like i wish i was kinder on the inside than i am.

but i know that i admire ppl with luz and gansey traits both in fiction and in real life. so i simply just..... emulate the luz and gansey actions. not always successfully, esp because i have a temper and very little patience, but like. i try to be kind where i can bc i wish i was someone who tries to be kind when they can. so i'm just going to be. u know??

[rei-caldombra]

Yubisaki to Renren - Anime First Impressions Review

This review is based off the first 3 episodes of the anime and does contain spoilers. Please be aware that I have not read the manga and am not spoiled. 

It's been a while since I've watched a proper Shoujo romance anime. It's not the most common anime/manga demographic for me to check out but I have watched or read quite a few of them over the years and have loved most of them. Some of my favorites are Ore Monogotari!!, Kimi ni Todoke, and Ouran High School Host Club. As of now Yubisaki to Renren absolutely has the potential to be one of my favorites. I'm loving this show!

I really enjoy learning about the experiences of different people and am not super knowledgeable in the life experiences of deaf people. I am glad we are seeing more anime like this and Ranking of Kings that help enrich people's perspectives on disabilities. To me this show is incredibly engrossing and informative towards the deaf experience. In the first 3 episodes we have already gotten so much rich characterization and details into Yuki and her experience as a deaf and mute person. It brings up a lot of detail surrounding basic interaction as a deaf person. Such as how things that could are normal and inoffensive between friends like going up to someone from behind could have a different impact on someone deaf like Yuki. Her having that feeling that people are talking about her, even if she is not reading lips or was communicated.

I have to imagine this is a relatable feeling. Most people seem to be able to pick up on that type of thing to an extent, but I imagine people with disabilities like deafness are more receptive to it. Likely out of getting more attention towards them for being different and feeling excluded. Her wondering how Rin asked for his number and having trouble doing it is very sad, because she is unable to approach it in the same manner. It's great seeing how she goes about tackling problems differently. I appreciate them bringing up how she has hearing aids but still can’t hear. I was wondering about that as I figured you would not bother to wear them if they weren’t working, but I can see how there is still value in it even if Yuki only hears noises she cannot properly understand. I imagine there could be emotional reasons for wanting to wear them as well as well. I also did not know there were separate schools dedicated to teaching the deaf and hard of hearing. I had really only thought of individual tutoring, but it makes sense proper institutions dedicated to it exist. These would provide much higher quality of education to those hard of hearing, but it’s also understandable that it would make someone feel like they are in a protective bubble. Which is how Yuki felt. Another informative detail I like is how one girl in the deaf school called to Yuki verbally, reminding the viewers that there are varieties of deafness. Some have the capacity to speak clearly, some do to the best of their ability, and some like Yuki cannot or choose not to speak at all. It’s easy for people to stick to a simple idea of disabled people, so it’s great that this show is addressing the complexities of the condition. It’s especially great that it accomplishes this by showing rather than telling. I also like when Yuki brings up how the way people sign conveys emotion outside of the words being signed. It’s very cool to learn about how body language also comes through with signing. I had not properly thought about how signing would show bodily expressions the same as any other bodily movement until I saw it here. Such as how Oushi’s signing is aggressive while Itsuomi’s is soft. Yuki can read into someone’s personality based on how they sign. Just within these first few episodes this anime is filled with rich detail that get help you understand Yuki's experiences and empathize with her. It strongly succeeds in engrossing you in Yuki's world. All of these glimpses into how deaf people communicate and intake information is very informative and interesting. This on top of the sweet nature of the show makes it a lot denser than a traditional romance. I'm greatly looking forward to learning more about the life experiences of deaf people through this show.

I also think a strength here is that it takes the experiences of deafness with great care while also using it for jokes. I like the simple miscommunication humor of her not reading lips perfectly leading to her taking something the wrong way. This fits very well and is great for adding comedy in between the dialogue.

The romance side of things is also starting off strong. Itsuomi has me swooning over here with his smooth moves.

I can see the chemistry between these characters already. Both of them are people who desire to gain new experiences. Expanding your world seems like it is a central theme of the show. I really enjoy these early interactions. They feel fairly natural, being awkward in a way that doesn't feel forced or strange. It is natural for him to not know exactly how he should act around her, where it doesn't come across as negative when he acts how he normally does. I like seeing characters' dynamics and feelings toward each other grow. They are still feeling each other out and going with the flow. This really encapsulates the early stages of falling for someone. And these interactions are just so sweet. I love Itsuomi's personality of being very curious. Just within the first few episodes I can tell he has a lot to him and really like him. The fact that he head pets her too makes this feel even more like it was made for me. Watching these episodes really warmed my heart. I'm very interested in seeing the overarching theme of expanding your world be explored as the story continues.

I also really like the other two main characters so far, Oushi and Rin. Oushi seems like he will be the rough person who acts out of strong care. I like his interactions with Yuki, their catty rapport being funny while laying the groundwork of his overprotective behavior having the effect of being demeaning. I like this set up so far, feeling positive that there will be good execution for this issue. Rin feels like a good supportive friend. Her also having a crush at the same time as Yuki adds a lot to their interactions and gives her more to do than just be a wingwoman. I look forward to seeing how her relationships develop and if each of their crushes will cause any conflicts with each other in the future.

From my perspective the anime production seems to be very respectful and taking great care to portray the manga as great as possible. This is primarily shown through the animation quality for the signing. It comes across very smooth and has the finer movements portrayed well. Stiff animation would greatly harm the signing coming across properly in animation. I cannot speak for any removed or added detail compared to the manga, but I feel that the production truly believes in the importance of the visuals. And this elevates the show greatly.

I hope this show continues to be a sweet romance while getting into the serious issues it is setting up. I hope we get a lot of great growth for these characters and for the character interactions to continue feeling natural, rather than leading to forced melodrama. At the very least if it continues to be rich and enlightening, I will continue to love this show. Thanks for reading! I hope I talked about this topic well, please let me know if I came across negatively at all.

[twoidiotwriters1]

The Curse of Oenone (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: The journey back home was exhausting BUT I'm okay now -Danny Words: 2,591 Series' Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter Listen to: 'Still' -by Kailee Morgue

IV: And I Said No, You Know, Like a Liar

"Leo," Annabeth tries for the tenth time. "Did Octavian trick you somehow? Did he frame you, or—"

"No." Leo's pale and shaking. "The guy was a jerk, but he didn't fire on the camp. I did."

"On purpose?" Frank stares at him like he's insane... and he might be.

"No!" The boy closes his eyes, trying to remember. "Well, yes... I mean, I didn't want to. But at the same time, I felt like I wanted to. Something was making me do it. There was this cold feeling inside me—"

"A cold feeling," Annabeth echoes like she knows what that means.

"Yeah," Leo looks at her. "Why?"

"Annabeth," Percy calls from below deck. "We need you!"

Leo leans against the mast defeatedly, he got all of his friends hurt and he's just about ready to puke, which softens Annabeth's conduct. 

"He'll be fine," she tells him, referring to Jason. "Frank, I'll be back. Just... watch Leo. Please. Ara, coming or staying?"

"I'll stay," she replies. 

Once the others are gone, Ara speaks again. 

"Look at me," she demands.

Leo's lip quivers and he closes his eyes. Ara reaches for his face, her fingertips are cold and they alleviate the pain in his temples. He doesn't look at her yet, too ashamed to face her.

"It's okay. You didn't hurt me."

"I tried to," he replies hoarsely. He can feel Ara absorbing his guilt with the empath touch, and he doesn't know how to stop it, so he pushes her hands away. "I don't—I would never—"

"I know," she brushes his curls back, trying to ease him. "I'm okay."

She can't shake off the feeling that this is her fault... that this is the curse manifesting at last. Maybe Leo short-circuited after he came into contact with the Romans, and the ancient part of his soul remembered something and tried to fix a past mistake.

Whatever the reason, Ara has to correct it before it gets worse. She turns to Frank. "Dragon boy.  I saw you in my dreams, you looked after my brother. Thank you."

Frank doesn't know how to respond to that, so he points to the laurels that fell off her belt. "I think that's yours."

Ara glances at the crown, but she doesn't pick it up. "Yeah, leave it there, nothing will happen to it."

"Your name isn't Sammy?" Frank blurts out randomly, looking at Leo.

Leo snaps his eyes open just to glare at Frank. "What kind of question is that?"

"Nothing. I just—Nothing. About the firing on the camp... Octavian could be behind it, like magically or something. He didn't want the Romans getting along with you guys."

Ara appreciates Frank's willingness to believe them even though they're probably the most unnerving kids he'll ever meet, and even though his girlfriend spent most of the feast staring at another boy.

"Well, if Leo wasn't in control of himself," she stands up. "I'll find out who was, and I'll take care of it."

"Thank you... Strategus." Frank clears his throat.

She smiles. "Call me Ara."

"Hey," Leo speaks, still in a bad mood. "I should talk to Festus and get a damage report. You mind...?" He gestures at the rope.

Ara unties him and Frank helps him to his feet. "Who is Festus?"

"My friend. His name isn't Sammy either, in case you're wondering. Come on. I'll introduce you."

We're waiting for Nico in the arena. I'm using a real sword today, Mike won't join us so I seized the opportunity. 

Nico shows up with a greenish face, dark circles have appeared under his eyes, and he isn't as lively as usual. 

"What's wrong?" I check his temperature. "You okay?"

"I had a weird dream," he says weakly.

Lily and I share a look. Now that we know who his godly parent is, we suspect Nico's going to get some hints about it too. We can't allow that while his sister is away.

"I'm sorry. I must've made you nervous by telling you about my Iris message to Percy..."

I talked to my brother the other night—my mom was there too, but I don't wanna think about that part—and he said Bianca was okay, but I think telling Nico only worsened his anxiety.

He pushes my hand away from his face. "I'm fine! Let's train."

Lily gives me another look. Percy needs to bring Bianca back to camp, I don't know how to help Nico.

"The port aerial oars have to be fixed before we can go full speed again. We'll need some repair materials: Celestial bronze, tar, lime—"

"What do you need limes for?"

"Dude, lime," Leo gets a little impatient when others can't keep up with his thoughts. "Calcium carbonate, used in cement and a bunch of other— Ah, never mind. The point is, this ship isn't going far unless we can fix it."

Festus makes a couple of other noises and Leo nods.

"Oh... Hazel! That's the girl with the curly hair, right?"

"Is she okay?" Frank asks anxiously.

"Yeah, she's fine. According to Festus, her horse is racing along below. She's following us."

"We've got to land, then."

"She's your girlfriend?" Ara asks, noticing the lavender hue around him.

Frank takes a second to respond. "Yes."

"You don't sound sure," Leo teases him.

"Yes. Yes, definitely. I'm sure," he replies defensively.

Leo raised his hands. "Okay, fine. The problem is we can only manage one landing. The way the hull and the oars are, we won't be able to lift off again until we repair, so we'll have to make sure we land somewhere with all the right supplies."

"Where do you get Celestial bronze?" Frank asks. "You can't just stock up at Home Depot."

"Festus, do a scan."

"He can scan for magic bronze?" Frank wonders. "Is there anything he can't do?"

"You should've seen him when he had a body," Ara sighs.

The memory of a whole Festus seems to worsen Leo's already terrible state of mind. Percy and Annabeth come back on deck together, both looking stressed. Leo steps forward. "Is Jason—?"

"He's resting," Annabeth announces. "Piper's keeping an eye on him, but he should be fine."

"Annabeth says you did fire the ballista?" Percy eyes him.

"Man, I—I don't understand how it happened," Leo stammers. "I'm so sorry—"

"Sorry?" He steps closer menacingly.

"Percy, really, don't start," Ara warns him.

"Don't start?" The boy repeats aghast. "He started it!"

Annabeth places a hand on his chest and pulls him back. "We'll figure it out later. Right now, we have to regroup and make a plan. What's the situation with the ship?"

Festus talks again, and Leo sighs in relief. "Perfect."

"What's perfect?" Annabeth asks. "I could use some perfect about now."

"Everything we need in one place," Leo declares. "Frank, why don't you turn into a bird or something? Fly down and tell your girlfriend to meet us at the Great Salt Lake in Utah."

Frank obliges quickly, and then Percy moves forward. 

"Ara, can we talk?" He asks, glaring at Leo.

Ara's not in the mood to deal with her brother. "Later. I have to patch up Leo."

"I'm okay—"

"You're not," Ara shuts him up. "Sit down and let me do my job."

Leo fixes his gaze on the controls, embarrassed and miserable. Ara turns to Annabeth and looks at her with pleading eyes. "I got this, you can go."

"C'mon," Annabeth pulls Percy back. "I'll show you where your cabin is."

It's the two girls versus him, and he's never been able to win those battles. When the couple leaves, Ara turns back to Leo going back to her gentle tone. 

"Hey—"

"Don't patronize me," he leans on the control board, eyes fixed on the monitor. "Please. You told me once that pity parties are good for nothing. Don't throw one now."

"Alright," Ara replies with a strong voice. "I've got a bruised rib, my brother doesn't like you, and you're a war criminal in New Rome. But..." She tries to reach for his hand, and when Leo doesn't move away, she holds it firmly. "You sound so smart when you ramble about construction materials—it's kinda hot, honestly."

Leo sighs heavily, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "You think that'd make me feel better, but..."

Ara clicks her tongue. "You were being used, Leo. And I've got proof," she grabs his face and forces him to look at her. "You called me Arae before leaving and I hated it."

He blinks and frowns. "So what? You don't like your name, that's not new."

"Ever since we met you call me Doll, Sunshine, Cielo—or Corazón when you're feeling extra cheesy," she teases him. "You only call me Arae when it's the two of us and we're being serious, but when you did it then... it felt like a stranger was talking to me." 

Ara steps back, feeling a little crazy. 

"It sounds stupid, but you pronounce it in a very specific way. Whoever talked to me, wasn't you."

Leo glances at the panel and radars on the control board, but he's thinking of how she called him Leónidas while trying to make him snap out of his trance, and how she almost succeeded because it feels different when she says it.

"Your brother should stay mad at me anyway, if it hadn't been for him—"

"Don't even," Ara rolls her eyes. "You know I can kick your ass any time."

"But it wasn't me!" Leo reminds her with frustration. "How are you not angry? I ruined everything! Even the ship we broke our backs building for six months!"

She can't tell him that she's not mad because she's sure this is the curse's fault, that's only going to make him spiral into a whole new crisis. Besides, she is angry, but mostly at herself, so she can't correct him unless she wants to get lectured.

"Big prophecies are never easy..." She squeezes his shoulders. "You wanna sulk for the rest of the day? Be my guest, but let's fix the ship while you're at it."

Leo shakes his head, tilts his head to the side, and plants a soft kiss on her knuckles. "Alright. I can do that."

"Cool. Now sit down and let me heal your head," Ara lightly runs her fingers through his curls. "We can be miserable together after I'm done with this."

"Fun date ideas," he replies, the tiniest smile on his face.

Leo manages to land the ship on the water. He's still not talking much, but Ara knows he'll need time to feel like himself again. As they approach the stairs, they hear hooves behind them and they turn, finding Hazel and her horse on deck. 

"How—?" Leo stumbles back. "We're in the middle of a lake! Can that thing fly?"

"Arion can't fly," Hazel explains over the loud whines of the horse. "But he can run across just about anything. Water, vertical surfaces, small mountains—none of that bothers him."

"Oh."

Ara notices the way Hazel keeps looking at Leo, and whatever it is that has her so fascinated, it's starting to get annoying.

"General," Coach Hedge shows up with his bat. She'd almost forgotten he was on the ship with them. "Does this count as an invasion?"

"No!" Leo and Ara say at the same time.

"Um, Hazel," Leo says awkwardly, "you'd better come with us. I built a stable belowdecks, if Arion wants to—"

"He's more of a free spirit." The girl says, diving off the animal's back. "He'll graze around the lake until I call him. But I want to see the ship. Lead the way."

Ara and Leo guide her downstairs, but more than awkward, it's unsettling. Hazel is glowing lavender, and Ara isn't a jealous girl, or at least she doesn't think she is, but no one has paid attention to Leo like this before, and she's having trouble tolerating it.

They walk past Jason's cabin, where Piper is looking after him, and then they reach the mess hall where the rest of the crew is.

"So we've landed," Percy says, staring at one of the screens showing Camp Half-blood. "What now?"

"Figure out the prophecy?" Frank suggests.

"Which one?" Ara says sarcastically.

"I mean... that was a prophecy Ella spoke, right? From the Sibylline Books?"

"The what?" Leo asks.

Frank explains that Ella spat out a prophecy from an old collection of books. Ara's secretly glad the harpy didn't notice her, she doesn't want to hear her prophecy again, let alone recited by a crazy harpy.

"That's why you didn't tell the Romans," Leo guesses. "You didn't want them to get hold of her."

"Ella's sensitive," Percy scowls at the Camp Half-blood scenery. "She was a captive when we found her. I just didn't want... It doesn't matter now. I sent Tyson an Iris message, told him to take Ella to Camp Half-Blood. They'll be safe there."

"Let me think about the prophecy," Annabeth leans on the table. "Right now we have more immediate problems. We have to get this ship fixed. Leo, what do we need?"

"The easiest thing is tar," Leo starts right away. "We can get that in the city, at a roofing-supply store or someplace like that. Also, Celestial bronze and lime. According to Festus, we can find both of those on an island in the lake, just west of here."

"We'll have to hurry," Hazel says. "If I know Octavian, he's searching for us with his auguries. The Romans will send a strike force after us. It's a matter of honor."

Leo makes a face. "Guys... I don't know what happened. Honestly, I—"

"We've been talking," Annabeth interrupts him. "We agree it couldn't have been you, Leo. That cold feeling you mentioned... I felt it too. It must have been some sort of magic, either Octavian or Gaea or one of her minions. But until we understand what happened—"

"How can we be sure it won't happen again?" Frank inquires.

"I'm fine now," Leo assures him. "Maybe we should use the buddy system. Nobody goes anywhere alone. We can leave Piper and Coach Hedge on board with Jason. Send one team into town to get tar. Another team can go after the bronze and the lime."

"Split up?" Percy frowns. "That sounds like a really bad idea."

Ara crosses her arms, challenging her brother. "I'll go with Leo. If anything happens to him, I can take care of it."

Percy's eyes flash with annoyance. "Ara—"

"It'll be quicker," Hazel intervenes, smartly guessing an argument between Ara and Percy isn't quick to put out. "Besides, there's a reason a quest is usually limited, right?"

"You're right," Annabeth agrees. "The same reason we needed the Argo II... outside camp, eight demigods in one place will attract way too much monstrous attention. The ship is designed to conceal and protect us. We should be safe enough on board; but if we go on expeditions, we shouldn't travel in groups larger than three or four. No sense alerting more of Gaea's minions than we have to."

Percy glares at Ara sending a clear message. This isn't over. He turns and holds Annabeth's hand. "As long as you're my buddy, I'm good."

"Oh, that's easy," Hazel smiles. "Frank, you were amazing, turning into a dragon! Could you do it again to fly Annabeth and Percy into town for the tar?"

"I...I suppose," he hesitates. "But what about you?"

"I'll ride Arion with Sa—with Leo and Ara," she quickly corrects herself. Ara remembers Frank called Leo "Sammy". Is that some old friend of theirs? "We'll get the bronze and the lime. We can all meet back here by dark."

Frank doesn't look happy about this arrangement, and neither is Ara, but maybe she absorbed a bit too much of Leo's disheartenment.

"Guys, if we get the supplies, how long to fix the ship?" Annabeth continues.

"With luck, just a few hours."

"Fine," the blonde girl gets up. "We'll meet you back here as soon as possible, but stay safe. We could use some good luck. That doesn't mean we'll get it."

"I don't need luck, Annabeth," Ara seizes Almighty and stares at the symbols on it, the needle is completely still. "Just a deadline."

Next Chapter ->

Taglist.

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[supermacaquecool]

About my Hairy Matters fic.

I'm really proud of the opening paragraph for this one because it gets across really really really well how mad Aoi is at the siblings lol

'Miu, Miu, Miu.' Kaito's voice echoes incessantly. 'I told you to do it before you went out.' 'Ugh, you're so annoying, why don't you ever shut up?' And so on. The Shinonome are back at it again. They fight over everything, even about where they sit at the table. Aoi wishes there were a way to make them stop. Whatever the issue is, it surely doesn't warrant all the yelling, all the name-calling, all the tantrums. Is it that hard to listen to each other and cooperate? Should she get involved? If only Takuma were here… In his absence, she has no choice but to step up to the task.

The way their usual song and dance gets recalled is just so irked up. It's not just that they're fighting but that they fight nonstop and that she finds their behavior unreasonable lol

This one was written because of a twitter poll where I asked who cuts Miu's hair, whether it was Miu herself, Kaito, their parents or a hairdresser lol I'm pretty sure this was because I was thinking on another pair of siblings from the game "World's end game club", where hair-cutting was a significant bonding activity between them (plus the cute fanart with Miu retouching Kaito's root). I got some pretty interesting answers that I felt could evidence their complicated dynamic/household situation. Why write it from Aoi's pov? For one, she's my fav. But another thing is that I wished that the Shinonome making their rocky dynamic everyone's problem was more explored in the game, and Aoi is their leader + the one who is the biggest Harmony proponent, so I thought it could be interesting writing her dealing with them.

When writing Aoi's pov for this fic, I wanted to get across a number of things:

Her hidden anger–I quoted in the notes her wrathful line "Siblings should get along" because it really highlights how much she resented them for being so disruptive without saying a peep. She gets really condescending to Kaito and Miu in her debut as Plutomon, so I wanted to explore some of that.

Her near-constant state of complete anxiety and the causes it stems from. Her lack of self-confidence showing through how little faith she has in her speech. Lots of worries about whether she can do it, whether she can pick the right answer to pacify them and reach harmony, whether they'd hear her (I think this can have a bit of a tenous implication about her worries on whether her authority is respected). These anxieties also show her obsession with doing things right, which adds to her tension (my friend remarked that she's so careful with every aspect of her actions, it made her felt unnerved alongside Aoi lol).

Aoi's constant self-monitoring and self-censoring based on being on high alert about others' reactions at all times.

Her tendency to feel deeply for others still pushing her to empathize with them/want to help them.

I was quite pleased with how, despite the intense anxiety, Aoi still comes across as fairly driven, scanning for the next task to tackle.

The conflict between Miu and Kaito lasts a fairly small portion of the fic, which ends up mostly devoted to Kaito's perspective on it. It was challenging to figure out a way to get him to open up and talk about it in a way that felt organic— channeling his protectiveness over Miu's peculiarities was a really effective way to do it. Overall, it felt a sucessful try at capturing the way arguments get complicated between the clashing perspectives and personalities, and using Dracmon to smooth out the interactions via teasing and cheeky remarks was a blast.

Miu's part is very small, and the unwritten and unposted chapter two to this thing is meant to remedy that... At some point. But I still had fun writing her snapping at Aoi. It basically went like this:

Miu: pls pls pls get kaito off my back.

Aoi, missing the cue: idk how to do this thing you're asking me to.

Miu, alrededy furious bc Kaito is bothering her: UGH

It was a really comedic interaction to me LOL

Other things:

I got a good chuckle out of my friend pointing out how stressful living with them sounded bc of the remark of them fighting about their seat at the table LOL She said she could picture Kaito insistently sitting besides Miu and that it irked her really badly. In my mind, he'd do it because Miu is the only one from the group he's truly close to, no meaning any harm lol But Miu'd be fed up with him breathing over her neck, so...

I was pretty proud of how I wrote Aoi's uneasiness to speak on a physical level. Again, my focus on phisicality really comes in handy to show how easily she gets overwhelmed.

There's some nice emotional ambiguity with how strongly her emotions come across in the narration yet are never acknowledged nor named directly.

The tittle. Is. Really. Funny LOL I usually half-ass the tittles, so the fact it's a corny joke should be taken as a Win

[femmefatalevibe]

Hello Femme, I want to say ty for all that you do with your advice and your thoughtful responses. You really impact people on here and you’re amazing for that.

I have a small question and would like your perspective:

What does it mean when a narcissist parent becomes quiet when you enter a room to watch movie with them. But just before they’re excited and chatty and making comments about it? I noticed a pattern with my parent and didn’t realize til recently. Then when I enter the room it’s only me making the comments towards the movie or show because it’s fun and I like to share my perspective- nothing crazy. But all I notice all she does is watch me, and say nothing.

And her eyes are constantly on me at times when I make a remark or randomly.

And she will never say a word.

I realize when she watches me like that she’s accessing me, and it makes me uncomfortable. She judges me a lot, and will say things after the fact, about me. Or judge me based on one thing I said, and make assumptions about me based on what I say or did weeks ago.

But usually she’ll keep it to herself and keep watching me quietly.

It makes me uncomfortable.

I just feel icky and exposed and when I go to sleep I feel very revealed- idk how to explain it. And I regret talking or being myself in my own home.

Because after I’ve done something, days or a week later she will make a comment or react a certain way towards me based on what she picked up on me from that night or that day etc.

Idk what to call this or what this means.

Idk if I’m overreacting. But what I do know she will insult me if she thinks I’m too loud, or when I do something she will make me feel very insecure about myself when I’m just being hyper happy and talkative. I never want to minimize myself - I’ve done it before (I’m saving up to move out- but it’s taking some time) so I’m doing what I can do. But, when I did stop being like me- it left me depressed.

It’s the latter every day with her and I’m not sure what to make of those particular watchful behaviors she’s exerted on me.

Thank you!

Hi love! Thank you so much for your kind words. I was smiling reading the first couple of lines of your message.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Having parents with narcissistic behaviors shatters you from the inside out, so I can empathize with you here. Please know that you're not overreacting –something is deeply wrong with this behavior. You deserve better.

While I'm not a therapist, licensed professional, nor have the desire to cosplay as an armchair psychologist, it is not considered uncommon for narcs to silently stare and observe their victims like predators do to prey, so they can study them to understand their personality, behaviors, and triggers. It is easy to keep your full attention/become fully aware of someone else's behavior, mannerisms, and tendencies when you're silent and only there to observe.

Personally, I would recommend looking into the grey rock and "beige rock" methods to help create some emotional boundaries for yourself to keep your peace of mind (to the best of your ability).

Hope this helps. Stay strong xx

[dioriysus]

its kind of annoying. yesterday i was feeling very low, had some very negative thoughts about myself and tried to drown it out w my favourite songs to either stimulate memories/emotions or get back into my maladaptive daydreaming. i felt like at the time, listening to music, i was trying to be an empath (my psych and i agreed on our definition of what we think empaths do) in order to drown out my own emotions. i think im uncomfortable with the loneliness of my own mind, the experience of my thoughts and emotions being entrusted to me -whoever i am- is a heavy weight. i feel like i carry and am responsible for the pain of the past versions of myself, i am constantly living in the present to bring forward some kind of vengeance or justice to them. and i've hit the age. the golden ages i used to look up to at 16. the age i'd finally be comfortable and at peace with my own solitude, linger in the present moment with that beautiful feeling in my chest, live like an adult and be content like a child. but i've missed out.

missed out on following what i presumed was the respectable life plan, have a respectable amount of people in my life i call my friends, have a respectable amount of people's acceptance (which is, to be honest, a neverending and expanding quota), spend a respectable amount of time with those respectable people, etc etc.

how can i please the 16 year old if she is glowering down at me with the same mannerisms as my mother? who taught this child to be so berating yet demanding? and how can i learn to love her if unconditional love has never not been absent in my life?

with these questions and thoughts, unidentified and sparking emotions in the backdrop of my mind, i opened tumblr. looked up some poetry, some sylvia, some jung and for some reason, found more peace than when i was trying to connect with music instead. it was quieter. their emotions weren't speaking over mine, i wasn't trying to consume their experiences as the quotes and poems felt like nameless antidotes hanging from a generous tree.

i was picking and observing them, bringing over what i thought would help into a little cloth. folding neatly and preserving it somewhere in the corner of my mind.

maybe this 16 year old bears too much control over my words and actions than i would want for her and that is the reason she resents me. the 17 yr old, the 16 yr old, the 15 yr old and so on, bring over storms and tidal waves. they bring over calamity and for the longest time i couldn't understand why. they want to rest and to be taken care of but children cant read between the lines, they cant understand the reasoning for their inner turmoil. and that is up to me now. this justice they so crave is no achievement and it is no standpoint of life but it is just simple compassion. for as shallow and bare i feel in my heart, i will try to fill it with buckets of just that for it is the least of what they deserve.

its so hard still

[creaturefeaster]

El Ganso ramble time

I've been planting his roots into the core of the story recently as I've really started to polish his character a bit........ and so I wanted to talk about him. Also because there's been some rising request in my inbox to talk about him. So I wanna talk about his first several weeks in the physical realm especially!!!

☆☆☆

While all mime's true consciousness are interlinked, and they inherently are at least aware of each other's existence, El Ganso is one of the few mimes in the main cast that doesn't start out with any close ties to the others. He is a neutral wanderer with no initial direction.

He crashes in the middle of nowhere in the desert, shortly thereafter finding Maggie who seems lost, scared, and confused. Decently natured and moved by her turmoil, he stays by her side as they travel the land together.

After a day or two of wandering, and Maggie already having a connection to TyV & Chickenstab who she can sense are not all that far away, El Ganso aids in her gradual gravitation towards Lystrike. They're both really kinda slow so they're still out together alone for a little while longer, but they make it eventually.

He's happy to get her there, and he sticks around the pleasant company, but it wouldn't be too long after his arrival that TyV loses his eye, causing great upset to the aformentioned pleasantry. This wave of emotion again triggers El Ganso to try and make things right, and effectively becomes a(n emotionally) hired gun for TyV. It's around this point he starts learning what he believes to be his true calling, which is to just. Help the wronged, by any means necessary.

So he gets in kerfuffles with the Lystrike trio for a bit as he helps exact revenge for TyV. He manages what he manages, going all out but getting his heart strings tugged by the trio's fear & emotion, so rather than outright hunt down Leon (the one who destroyed TyV's eye), he just makes sure Leon's loss is equal to that of TyV's. TyV is all about equilibrium, and kind of gets El Ganso on that kick too.

After TyV's lust for vengence is quenched, El Ganso chooses to stick around the general Lystrike area, which is a hotspot for a lot of the main mimes. He picks up small jobs from a lot of them, ones that he thinks are fair and justified. Many are not vengeful, but instead other jobs like scout & retrievals, menial labor, or settling petty squabbles.

When mimes like Weepy and Holly start to come around though, with drama in the area thickening, he's caught in the middle of a lot of emotion that starts weighing on him. wow he's like an empath or smth. sorry just clicked in my head. Anyway. He wants to help so many of his peers, but many of them don't actually have rational reasoning nor the moral justification for their drama. Or rather, nobody really feels wronged in a way that El Ganso can help fix, which only makes him more stressed out x_x

But-- and here's where you Atrox & El Ganso fans may be pleased-- during a particularly heated get together of many a mime, Calamea causes some serious issues for Atrox, to which El Ganso feels more than justified in dealing with. That'd be the comic, which I'll drop below this paragraph as a reminder, taking place.

It's a little more indepth than that, that'd be the tail end of it all. But having done some right, settling his nerves a bit, he and Atrox abscond for breather from the stress for a bit. Kind of enrages Calamea, but she's too fearful of El Ganso for the time being to get too close to either of them. Weight off Atrox's shoulders for sure!

After turmoil has settled down a bit, El Ganso would decide to part ways with Lystrike so that he may continue to travel the lands and help out who he can along the way. He sticks around in the greater desert/aridecic area for a while, just because he likes the scenery & the peace it brings him. So he sees his new friends a few more times here and there.

The thing that prompts him to expand his horizons though, would be him crossing paths with an upset Hannah, who just lost her van, all possessions and memories gone with it.

El Ganso, as one could expect, is moved by her upset and starts out on a new mission to make things right for the duly wronged. Not knowing the whereabouts of the stolen van past a vague, last-known location of theft, he sets out far and wide to search for the thieves and enact justice.

...

Of course, while he's dedicated to his calling in this new world, he does take time to relax now and then, and enjoy what reality has to offer. Creativity and storytelling, & spending time with the friends he's acquired throughout his missions. annnnnd; An appropriately timed rabbit trail, on the subject of friends....

At first, he hangs out with Rede and Chickenstab for a brief moment in time, but really doesn't end up vibing well with Rede. El Ganso can have his tough guy moments but like. it's like trying to hang out with mime beavis and butt head for him. it's just too fuckin much sometimes. Cstab can be fine on his own but it's rare to see him without Rede.

Maggie, TyV, and Uppsulka are like family to him, and they're probably the ones he hangs out with the most. He enjoys their company, though with their very grounded lifestyle against his wanderlusty ways, he's often the one that has to go out of his way to hang out, never the other way around.

The drama club-- AKA Holly, Atrox, and Weepy (and TyV but we already talked about him shh)-- while not really a group El Ganso seeks out, is really good at pulling him in. From hang outs to arguments to sob parties, if they're nearby he's often drawn into it.

He isn't a fan of Holly like, at all, but Holly being so stuck up his own ass never really realises this and treats El Ganso like a near and dear friend, in the same plastic way he does with many of his...... lesser friends.

He thinks Weepy is a fine mime, and they get along perfectly fine, but her intense emotional reactions towards... everything, often leaves him overwhelmed. There is a mutual level of respect between them, but very different outlooks on life.

Atrox would be the easiest to get along with between the three. While he can be a bit depressive and dramatic, El Ganso understands its roots. And, because of his lemme-fix-it-fer-ya attitude, he actually has the most fun around Atrox of the three. Because he gets to wrangle up issues that Atrox can't deal with by himself, and they're tangible and rational, and he likes doing things for others in distress. Yeehaw!

He also gets along great with Bonnie and Tim specifically. Tim, who's a natural at being a good and honest friend, can pull a lot of good laughs out of El Ganso and amuse him in a way few other living beings can. And with Bonnie, there's a high level of respect between their nomadic lifestyles, and hardships faced. They are two very good story tellers, and their convos can span hours if you let them.

Okay sudden subject change now. I held one of my geese today and was reminded of how soft they can be, specifically their undersides. I think El Ganso (puppet form) would be really soft underneath that shaggy top layer of feathers 🥺.

And speaking of his puppet form, he's one of the few focus mimes that spends more time in puppet than in a humanoid state. On travel especially he prefers his puppet. He also has a great sense of direction in puppet, which aids him in his travels.

Also also also I think at night, rather than continue to seek light, he hunkers down in safety and chooses to either reflect on himself, mentally communicate with his friends, or even attempts to sleep.

As a puppet his tough guy side shows a lot more. He's a bold mime already, but he can come off a lot more aggressive in puppet if he's upset. He puppets for a lot of his gun-for-hire jobs, to which both his look and demeanor tend to scare people into submission.

Oh god and his loud voice. When he yells, especially in puppet, it's booming, and it travels. If he's riled up and in the right place, you can hear him miles away. He can parallel Jarna in volume-- though his is usually controlled and much quieter, while Jarna is just like... always turned up to 11.

ughghhhh El Ganso has changed a lot from his first iteration, & same can be said for almost any character, but he's come a long way and I love him and I love him so much this is one of those times where nothing even prompted me to write all this I just wanted to share him with you guys. honk hhonk hink honk. im running out of stream falling asleep so this is where i leave my ramble.

hes supposed to be moving but i ran out of time

[bewitchingivy]

Pick A Card: A Letter From A Past Life Lover

Welcome to another pick a card of mine! As someone who keeps on writing (unsent) letters, these kinds of readings are very fun to do. Anyways, the letters are not the actual things that they wrote in your past lives, I just channeled their messages and tried the best that I could to write it in their words. These letters could be from any romantic interest or partner you had in a past life—these were either unsent, unread, or you've read them before but you're meant to read them now again in this life. Now this is a general past life reading, some messages are related about a past life of yours, some are for others. So take it with a grain of salt! I'll probably make a part two of this...what do you think?

CW: one of these piles includes death, so if you ever come across it, please read at your own risk.

methods used in this reading: intuition, music, with a bit of tarot.

☽ MASTERLIST ☾

࿐ DISCLAIMERS:

Tarot or any forms of divination is not set in stone. It's not your only future, but a probable one with the current energy you have right now. If a reading doesn't resonate, simply let it fly away and shift your energy. Because you can change your reality, and you have the undeniable power to do so.

Please keep in mind that my readings are for entertainment, positive, or inspirational purposes only. Please don't take them as a professional or medical advice. Any actions or decisions taken are your responsibility.

The images I use in my blog are not mine unless I say so. The pictures belong to their respectful owners.

Now intuitively choose a picture below (preferably one, but if it doesn't resonate, feel free to choose again)

ONE

My dear angel,

From the first time I saw you, I was mesmerized and bewitched by you—your beauty, your talents, and everything that you do. You didn't notice me first, and though it may sound strange, all I ever did before was admiring you from afar. I honestly believed that was all I could do, and it would have been if it hadn't for my friend who aided me in bringing out the courage to finally approach you. As much as Ioathe to admit it, I was a little bit nervous and intimidated. Who wouldn't be—when everyone sees you as this skillful prodigy and each and everyone of us respects you? You exude this unique aura that screams power. Everyone looked up to you, even myself. Back to our first conversation, you haven't had the slightest idea of how much it wracked my nerves. But much to my surprise, you made me feel at ease. We were like old friends who hadn't seen each other for ages. The more I got to know you, I noticed how much we have in common. I used to see you as this person who was perfect in every possible way. But it was then I realized that you were just as much a flawed human as I am. The more I acknowledge those things about you, the more I fell in love of who you truly are. You taught me so much knowledge that I value, but if there's one most crucial lesson that you taught me it would be that nothing and no one is perfect in this world. Especially myself. Since then I felt free. Free from everyone's expectations that weighed me down for as long as I can remember. All that matters to me now is to at least strive to become a better person day by day. For you, for me, and for our future. Thank you for that.

Yours,

(signed by their name)

Some facts about them: they're helpful and quite generous, someone who earned a reputation and a bit of fame to their name, awkward, introverted, an empath, their soul might be looking for you in this lifetime and you might meet together again, could be a soulmate.

Other things I channeled: gardens, prodigy, mansion, a group of academics.

NOTE: I kept getting heaven or angel when I started channeling, I figured that's what they used to call you.

Shufflemancy, songs that may resonate: (i fuckin love these songs)

Thank you for taking your time to read this and for liking and reblogging my posts! Please take the time as well to research for more information and educate yourselves about climate change. Let's get together and help the earth 🧚🏼‍♀ Sending much light <3

- Ivy

TWO

CW: death, and... much angst :D

My dearest (name that you had in that past life),

I've had everything I could ever want. I was the happiest woman/man in the world, for you were mine and I was yours. But why did it have to end that way? Why did God have to take you away from me all of a sudden? What have I done to deserve this? Heaven could've shown us mercy, gave us more time, but no, we didn't have that. I was happy. We were happy. One could say we were happier than anyone else. But all of that was gone in a blink of an eye, as if it never happened in the first place.

I grieve that you're nowhere with me. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm at lost, and I doubt anyone else could find me again but you. I only want to be found by you. Please come back to me, (name). Please. That's all I could ever ask for. Am I selfish for asking that? I figure your soul must be resting now in somewhere better but in this cruel world. But as for me; I can't rest, I can't sleep. I don't think I can go on a day without you.

We're so young, and I feel like we've already gone so much than anyone else has. We haven't done all the things we wanted to do. Our dreams unreachable. Would you expect me to fulfill them still even when you're not around? How am I supposed to do that?

I'm sorry, (name). But I don't think I'll ever be the same person now. I can't imagine to go back being happy and smiling when you're not here. I don't think I can manage living in a world without you in it. I'm sorry if I'll ever lose my light. Now that you're gone, I feel as if I've lost a great part of me. It's like I'm losing myself. What am I without you, (name)? I can only wish and imagine that these words will reach you. I will still love you immensely with all my heart, body, and soul.

— (signed by their name)

Some facts about them: was once such a happy and bright person, loves the scent of roses, a hopeless romantic, seemed to blame their self for everything, a curious mind, might have been into poetry or was a poet themself.

Other things I channeled: a little house in the countryside, you might have been married, sickness/disease, both of you must have had a dog that you both loved and raised together.

Shufflemancy, songs that may resonate: (omg you both really have fallen in love in such a young age)

Thank you for taking your time to read this and for liking and reblogging my posts! Please take the time as well to research for more information and educate yourselves about climate change. Let's get together and help the earth 🧚🏼‍♀ Sending much light <3

- Ivy

THREE

Dear (a name that you had in that past life),

No one knew what we had except us. Behind closed doors and sinking in the shadows was the only way we could drown in our love for each other. It ended so soon just as it began, but we always knew that, didn't we? We always knew what was coming for us if we had to have each other. I suppose that's why it didn't hurt as much as I expected it to be, because I knew that someday it would come to this. I was prepared for it, and you were as well, weren't you? I remember telling myself to just grab this opportunity to spend time with you, because if I don't, hells I would never get a chance again. And I was right. I was glad that for once in my life I was right about something. Something that I would never regret. I would grow old and look back in our days with a smile, I promise. I wouldn't expect you to do the same, I understand. But somehow, a part of me hopes that you will. That brief moments that we shared in secret—I remember each and everyone one of them and I keep it locked inside my heart and no one else will open it except you, who have the key. It's your choice whether to keep that key or toss it away for good.

I don't know whether this letter will reach you. It might be dangerous for the both of us—especially for you, if someone finds out about this. But do me a favor that if you'll ever have the chance to read this letter, don't keep it after reading it. Crumple and toss it to the fire until all it's left are ashes. You have the right to forget about me, (name). And you deserve a love that is better than I can give, I can only pray that you will find that love that you deserve someday. As for me, I will never forget you. Because I don't think I'll ever love someone again as much as I loved you. I would count myself lucky if you'd visit me in my dreams.

Take care of yourself, Miss/Mr. (name).

Sincerely,

(their name and last name)

Some facts about them: I saw a framed painting before channeling the messages, they could've been a painter. They are very nobleminded and kind. Quite generous too, and selfless.

Other things I channeled: summer (broo why does this remind me of August by Taylor Swift? Like the love affair started and ended in summer??)

NOTE: I can't help but point out that they ended the letter in a professional way, it was as if you worked together professionally, or they worked for you. But I'm leaning towards the latter.

Shufflemancy, songs that may resonate: (OMGGG.. remember I said they might have been an artist??? and this song is kinda similar to what they felt too..)

(I didn't mentioned this earlier, but I somehow felt you were someone who was of noble birth? Except this past lover of yours. That may explain all the cliche star-crossed lovers stuff, jkjk HAHHAHA)

Thank you for taking your time to read this and for liking and reblogging my posts! Please take the time as well to research for more information and educate yourselves about climate change. Let's get together and help the earth 🧚🏼‍♀ Sending much light <3

- Ivy

[angelplummie]

Okay so like for starterssssss, I love getting represented as a chubby gal 🥺🥺 so I love you for writing that last Oikawa imagineeeee 😩😩😩

Soooo, I was wondering if I could request a plus size reader that really likes Kuroo, (and he’s like a super cliché bad boy🤰🏽) but he’s too embarrassed to be seen with Y/n. So she starts to hit on his friend or try to make him jealous. (I want you to add your own little idea here! But likeee, make her a baddie 😘😘)

Thanks baby 😚

HE’S A SCUMBAG DON’T YOU KNOW

KUROO X CHUBBY F!READER

Angsty?? kinda, a pinch of suggestive stuff

masterlist

post girlboss was referring to

a/n:i decided to go for emo / anger issues / definitely has punched a hole in his wall kuroo, just cuz i love writing losers, and i love seeing grown men cry. reader is like 20/21 just like college age yk, kuroo is 23 as stated in fic. p.s where my artic monkey hoes at

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex n specific sexual acts, suggestive stuff, uhhh bad boy but he’s not a (bad boy) he’s just a (bad) (boy) he’s just no good, like no fr never date guys like this, he may SEEM COOL and give you the dick but girl you will be so embarrassed once u realised u gave up the kitty for a man that genuinely believes tame impala and mac demarco are unheard of and calls himself an empath even though he’s mean to his mum every time she comes over to help with the laundry and has manipulated every girl he’s ever been in the vicinity of but i digress! on with the story!

“Kuroo-!” you yelped in surprised, bed bouncing beneath you. The second he had thrown you down, he ripped off his shirt and made a noise of frustration when he couldn’t shed his skinny jeans fast enough. Brows furrowed, he began hopping furiously to yank them off.

You laughed, much to his annoyance.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep up with that. What’s the rush?”

He sighed, and carefully pulled them off his ankles. Standing up straight, he seemed to have composed himself, with that cocky smirk on his rugged face. Your eyes trailed down his lean, long body. It was all you could do not to scream, he was so gorgeous. He took a few sweeping steps to where you lay, and got right on top of you, hands either side of your head. His eyes bore into you, it made you squirm internally, not that you would ever admit it.

“Just want you so bad, kitten.”

You barked out a laugh as if your heart didn’t jolt at his stupid pet name. It was such a stupid name, but coming from him it made you melt. Again, not like you’d ever admit it.

“Ew, Tetsu don’t call me kitten, it’s cr-“

He cut you off by leaning down and kissing you, you could feel his snake bites against your bottom lip. He groaned softly, shoving his tongue down your throat. He tasted like his sour apple vape, and his hair was soft when you ran your fingers through it. You could barely contain your butterflies, eyes squeezed closed.

“Come on babe, you know you like it.”

No matter how many times you and Kuroo hung out, it always felt so fresh. Maybe it was because he was exciting, or because he was a little bit wild, you didn’t know.

He leaned down closer to you, getting on his elbows, deepening the kiss. He pulled away and smirked at your breathlessness. With a slender, ring adorned hand, he reached beneath your top and cupped your tits over your bra. He gave them a sharp squeeze and started placing chaste kisses on your neck. He was considerate like that, didn’t leave hickeys because he knew they’d be hard to cover for you. He groaned as he jiggled the fat of your boobs in his hands,

“God, you have the nicest tits, babe.”

You had been dating for nearly 3 months now, if that was what it was. To be honest, you weren’t really sure what you were. You hang out all the time at his or your place, there was rarely a time when you didn’t have an ache between your legs, one way or another. He didn’t really take you on ‘dates’ but chatting to him was fun in itself, you didn’t need to go out to do that. He didn’t necessarily say romantic stuff either... but he didn’t not say romantic stuff either? He beat up your ex at a party one time! That had to mean something right? He exactly wouldn’t tell you how he felt but he showed you, kissing your cheek or tilting your chin up to look at him or kissing your neck or feeling you up. But that usually led to sex, so you couldn’t be certain. It wasn’t like you only screwed though, you watched your favourite movies together... although the last couple times he just started fingering you. You showed him your playlists? No no, he showed you his playlists, his sex playlists. There seemed to be a common theme here. But... there were times, afterwards, when he would pull in you so tight, tell you how good you were for him, how well you did, how pretty you looked. Any doubts you had were gone after a few hushed words on his tobacco reeking rickety old bed. You’d never really had a relationship like this before, but you assumed it was just because Kuroo was so chill. You were probably boyfriend and girlfriend, he just didn’t feel the need to announce it, he was laidback like that. So what if you guys had a lot of sex? Weren’t you a new couple? Wasn’t this just the honeymoon stage were you can’t get your hands off each other? You didn’t want to seem high maintenance and nag, so you let it be. He was sweet enough to you, right now everything was good.

Until it wasn’t.

A clatter sounded downstairs, the door slamming open against the hallway wall.

“Kuroo! Hey man, I brought some California!”, a voice called from bellow.

Kuroo broke away immediately, spit trailing from your neck to his pink lips.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” Kuroo mumbled, pushing off the bed and scrambling the pick up his discarded clothes and shove them back on.

You sat up, disgruntled, rearranging your bra strap from were he’d kneaded at it.

“What’s wrong? Who is that?”

He shot you a glance before continuing to yank back on his jeans.

“Uh, so change of plan, I can’t do tonight. I need you to go home. Discreetly.”

What?

“What? Tetsu, I’m already here,” you scoffed.

What was going on?

Why was he acting like this?

You had never seen him so... frantic.

“I know babe, and I’m really sorry about that, but my friends are here early than I said.”

“So? Can’t I meet your friends?”

He didn’t reply for a moment, just let out an exasperated breath, zipping up his fly.

“Well, yeah you can meet them, just not with me. I don’t want them knowing that I-“

He cut himself off, but you had heard enough to understand.

There was a beat of silence, only disturbed by Kuroo’s friends calling for him.

Your mouth hung open, and you scoffed in shock.

You shouldn’t be surprised really. It’s so obvious now that you think about it. So that’s what this was. That explains everything. He didn’t really like you, he was just using you. That’s why he didn’t take you anywhere, or why he didn’t show you he cared. It was because he didn’t. He wasn’t “afraid of getting close to people” or “emotionally distant”, he was just upfront about not giving two shits about you aside from your vagina. I guess he didn’t want his friends to know he was furiously screwing a fat girl any chance he got. He was embarrassed of you. You were something to be ashamed of. Your stomach jerked as you got to your feet. You were pissed, but that didn’t mean it didn’t really hurt. You had liked him. A lot.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

You could see the panic in his eyes, it was quite funny actually. Of course you new what it meant, but it still made you feel a little better to watch his eyes widen like that, to hold a shred of power over him.

“I mean- well I didn’t- come on babe you know I didn’t mean it like that-“ he laughed nervously, not noticing the footsteps in the landing. You rolled your eyes. You may have been naive, but you certainly weren’t going to fall for his shit again. Whatever he spouted.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. Just say it, your embarrassed of me.”

“Y/N, please, don’t you think-“

Two men burst through the door, one with spiked grey hair and one with fluffy black hair.

“Kuroo! What the hell are you doing up here we’ve been-“ the grey haired one, stopped when his eyes went from a shirtless Kuroo to you.

Your eyes flickered to Kuroo, he looked mortified.

“Ah. I see. Well, Akaashi, we better give these two some time, we can just-“

“Oh no, I was just leaving,” you grabbed your jacket from on top of his chest of drawers and turned back to the two men, putting on a big smile, adrenaline and fury spurring you on.

“I’m Y/N, by the way.”

Your eyes shot to Kuroo, who looking like get was about to shit himself.

“You probably haven’t heard of me, me and Kuroo have actually been having sex for three months. He kept it a secret because he’s embarrassed of me. We should hang out soon though!”

“Y/N-!” Kuroo yelled, exasperation clear in his tone, but you were already descending the stairs.

He came into the hall, hands rubbing his temples.

“Y/N just come talk for a second, I can-“

But he was cut off by the door slamming.

You got in your car parked outside and sped away.

The whir of the engine and the monotony of the roads cleared your mind a bit, a mist of anger still remaining.

You can’t believe you let yourself be tricked. you were a fully grown woman, but you had been reeled in hook, line and sinker. Not only had you been reeled in, you have been reeled in by a man that still had tik tok LED lights in his room and a fucking monster can collection at the age of 24 fucking years old. The more you thought about him, the more you realised how much of an emo loser he was. Of course you were still hurting, but it was more of the angry hurt you feel when it turns out your crush is homophobic or something (been there done that, don’t ask). He was a waste of oxygen, you had decided by the time you made it back to your apartment. A waste of perfectly good space that could most definitely not get the kitty anymore. You got inside your house, pulled on some comfies and got on facetime with your friends.You told them all about what happened, and they passionately bitched about him with you, confirming your suspicion that they never liked him in the first place. They also told you to forget about his existence, he wasn’t worth a slither of your brain power, he was dirt compared to you. All in all, you felt marginally better, saying goodbye to your friends while they still giggled about how stupid Kuroo’s hair was.

This was just a speed bump, you thought as you tucked yourself into bed, you would get over this.

Fast.

“Who’s Bokuto been talking to all night?” Yamamoto leaned over to ask Lev, shouting over the blaring music.

It was a week after you had thrown Kuroo to the curb, and he was out with a couple of volleyball friends, some from Nekoma, but there was also Bokuto with them.

“I’m not sure. I think it’s Y/N something? She’s in class. She’s pretty chill.”

Kuroo’s ears perked up, and he turned around to face his friends up against the bar.

“Bokuto’s talking to who?” he said through gritted teeth.

“Y/N. She goes to my-“

“I know who Y/N is,” kuroo snapped, taking a swig of the beer in his hand and scanning the dance floor for either one of you. He found bokuto first, shoulder against the wall, holding a drink as he leant down to have you whisper something in his ear. That’s when Kuroo paid attention to you. You looked... you looked gorgeous. He felt jealousy creep up inside him. How many times had you been out looking like that since you broke things off? How many guys had you slept with since? How dare Bokuto chat you up when he knew you two had been a thing? Wasn’t he meant to be Kuroo’s friend? As Kuroo wound himself up, you and bokuto continued your extremely pleasant conversation.

“I just wanna say, sorry about Kuroo. He’s a real bonehead, but we’ve been friends since high school so I can’t ditch him.”

You snorted into your cocktail.

“What?”

“Bonehead?”

He frowned and straightened up indignantly.

“Yeah, and? What’s wrong with bonehead?”

“No no, nothing, it’s just very Legally Blonde.”

He beamed down at you.

“I love Legally Blonde!”

“You do? Me too!”

This big beefy man was very cute, you had been talking for nearly three hours now, but you never ran out of things to say. And, aside from the obligatory introduction compliments, he had not made any move to try and get you into a wendy’s bathroom as quick as possible, which you couldn’t say of yours and kuroo’s first meeting.

He had dreamy eyes, you noted as he smiled for the nth time that night.

“Whose your favourite-?”

“What the fuck are you doing man?”

You glanced scathingly over to the familiar face of your old fling.

“What?” Bokuto asked back, clearly done with his friends bad boy shtick.

“Why are you talking to her when... when you know?”

“What’s there to know? I’m talking to her because I want to, and she wants to.”

He looked over to you for approval.

“Right?”

You nodded, a little nervous. You hated Kuroo’s guts, but you knew how weirdly possessive he was, you didn’t wanna cause trouble for Bokuto.

“See? Now I don’t think she wants to see you, right?”

He looked at you again. You nodded again.

“Ok? You guys are over, now are we done?”

Kuroo huffed. His eyes flitted from Bokuto to you, remembering you were there most likely, and he scowled.

“No, we aren’t done, what are you trying to pull anyway? Trying to piss me off by talking to someone I know? Are you really that petty? Well, your little plan is working, so just-just stop, ok?”

You felt like screaming. You had just come out here to have a nice time, not listen to Kuroo’s narcissistic whining.

“Can you just fuck off? Was I not clear enough or something? You’re dead to me, Kuroo. I’m just trying to have a nice night.”

Kuroo’s mouth gaped open. He had never been spoken to like that, never. He clenched his fists at his sides and his glare intensified.

“You’re lucky I gave you the time of day, fat ugly slut.”

He grabbed Bokuto’s shoulder roughly, turning him to face him completely.

“Hey man, thanks for clearing up my sloppy seconds, really good of you. Good to know I’ve got great friends like you.”

Those were the last things out of Kuroo’s mouth before bokuto landed a punch on his cheek, knocking him to the ground.

“You’re a fucking asshole man,” Bokuto grunted.

He stepped over where Kuroo lay, and held out a hand for you to step over too. You took it quietly and trailed along behind him to the door, fingers still locked. His hands were warm, and big. Kuroo’s face must hurt right now. The thought made you smile. He held the door open for you before sighing, resting his back against the wall. You stood in front of him, twiddling with your fingers.

“I am so sorry about that,” You apologised, embarrassed and shaken by the scene Kuroo had made, “I shouldn’t have wound him up, and I shouldn’t have talked to you after I knew you guys were friends, I promise I didn’t mean to start anything.”

“Don’t be, if anything I’m sorry for not making him leave right away. And either way,” he gently reached for your hand again, and you let him take it,”I’m glad you talked to me. I’d like it if you talked to me even more.”

DISCLAIMER FOR KUROO STANS!!!! I DONT THINK HIS HAIR IS STUPID!!! it’s just when ur bestie is going thru a break up or anything entailing a male you shit talk everything about him to high hell, doesn’t matter if he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. also i have no ill will towards kuroo nor any of the characters i write shit bag fan fics about i just like to complain any way i hope you enjoyed! reblogs and replies always appreciated!!!

[laissez-fire-oh]

Pick A Pile #1 - Who are you?

Short messages

Take a deep breath and relax. Take your time to ground yourself and connect with your insight. Once you feel ready, choose the picture or number that calls you the most and check the description. If you feel called by more than one, there might be more messages for you. Being a general reading (and my first try too), take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. This is only for fun and entertainment. 

Please notice that all I am writing is only based on my intuition.

Any feedback is more than welcome to help me grow.

All the photos belong to me and you have no permission to use them. 

Pile 1

I feel you might be strong soldiers' pile. You are someone pretty straightforward and determined in whatever you do. I sense a lot of fire and earth energy here, but mostly fire: you may have fire in your chart or embody the characteristic of the corresponding signs. You take pride in your successes (and for a reason, I’d say!). You don’t let others and life take you down too easily. You know when and how to fight. You are also very smart and choose your battles wisely. You stand up for yourself and those you care about. You like to solve problems and are up for any new challenge that may come up into your life: you know you can win them all, or at least learn a new lesson. I can picture you working with a lot of concentration, putting all your effort to reach your goal, and I see you making it too. I see a lot of red and dark tones in your image. I see you wearing glasses (it may or not resonate with all, it could just be a symbol for the word "focus" or smth) and carrying a book or some papers in your hands. You may be a student or have a job or work/study/planning to get a job or willing to open your own business. I also see a dark suit, so many of you might work (or want to work) in finance, advocacy or similar fields.

-----

Pile 2

I sense a cute, smiling and playful group of souls here. I sense some air and water energy among you, but you don’t have to have a lot of them in your chart. You might only embody these characteristics within you. You are a funny ball of sunshine, always up for taking spontaneous trips somewhere with your friends, or just go to a concert or a movie night. You also love your friends/loved ones deeply and like to be near them and cheer them up. You actually love to make your friends laugh especially when they are down. They know they can count on you for whatever need they may have. I feel your smile is contagious. You also like to be in the spotlight, and don’t mind playing the fool in parties or during your nights out. I see you hanging around in your room, walls filled with posters and photos, with a lollipop in your mouth, jumping, dancing and singing along to your fav songs. You energy is so welcoming and plenty of light that fills up every little dark space around you; that’s one of the reasons why people loves to have you around: you make them feel better just by being there. Yellow and white clear light + beige/warm/earthy pastels tones are very strong in your image.

-----

Pile 3

I think this might be the pile for little sweet shy empaths. I sense a lot of water energy here, but maybe you just embody this energy. You don’t trust others easily, you might have been hurt in the past or simply fear getting hurt. You also may pick up others’ energies before they even speak or make a move (try to make boundaries, pls). You always try to give your love, affection and help to all those you care about, and are very kind, and you are loved for this. At times though, you feel left out because of the difficulties you have in opening up to others: they perceive this as if you’re being a little stuck up even if you are not. I see a little more dark/grey color here, but it’s not a scary dark, it’s more a nostalgic/sad feeling, and I bet it’s because of all these misunderstandings between you and your friends/close ones. I’m so sorry, I would love to hug you all. Know that you are very special and that it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. Forgive yourself and forgive your friends too. The day in which you’ll feel like sharing more about you with someone special is not that far. I can see that, I can see you at night, smiling, a beer or a drink in your hand, talking with someone who really really likes you.

[mimzy-writing-online]

You probably know this by now, I don't know if you keep up with Whumptober, but one of the prompts this year includes "blindness". I'm not blind but based on your posts about writing blind characters, and based on how I would feel if one of my disabilities were used as a whump prompt, I'm not super comfortable with it. I was wondering what your thoughts are on blindness being a Whumptober prompt.

(unironically and with feeling) thanks, I hate it.

Yes, I’m familiar with Whumptober, but I’ve never participated myself and I haven’t seen this year’s prompts.

Edit: I later did see the prompts and check out the blog. I think it's a good set of prompts and I look forward to all the promising content, especially since some of my favorite tropes are there. To be clear before you read this, I have no problem with Whumptober2021 or whump in general. This is not the first time blindness has been included for a list of whump prompts, and it won't be the last.

This post directed at the concept of "blindness" as a whump prompt and why I think it's a bad idea. The intended audience is individual writers thinking about future projects.

The timing of this is almost too perfect because I read a fanfic earlier this week that would meet that prompt exactly. Tags included whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. Now whump, hurt/comfort, and angst with a happy ending are tags I enjoy reading, but blindness as whump has a specific message to it.

To explain that message, I want to discuss what whump is. Many readers are already familiar with the genre, but I think taking the specific definitions and picking apart what it means and what expectations we carry when reading whump fanfiction

Urban Dictionary defines it as: taking a character and putting them through physical and/or mental torment and is typically followed by the same character being treated for their traumas. To indicate the characters place in the situation they’d typically be called a whumpee (the character being hurt/comforted), the whumper (the character that causes harm and trauma), and the caretaker (the character designated the helping/healing/comforting the whumpee).

Fanlore has a page for whump that explains it in depth, including where it started in fanfiction, examples of whump, and even a list of “popular targets” in different fandoms. (Warning: you might find yourself called out on the popular targets list)

“The term whump (or whumping) generally refers to a form of Hurt/Comfort that is heavy on the hurt and is often found in gen stories. The exact definition varies and has evolved over time. Essentially, whump involves taking a canon character, and placing them in physically painful or psychologically-damaging scenarios. Often this character is a fan favorite…”

To add to that, I think an important detail is the distinction Fanlore makes between hurt/comfort and whump:

“While some communities and fandoms may use whump as a synonym for hurt/comfort, there is still a recognition that whump refers to darker and more extreme scenarios. And there are still whump fics been written that have very little, or no comfort at the end of the story.”

The big appeal of hurt/comfort is getting to both explore the darker sides of pain and then experience the catharsis of being taken care of, of being supported by your loved ones as you recover from the trauma. The character is the proxy for experiencing those highs and lows while you yourself are safe at home.

I personally don’t read much/any whump without some h/c involved, but I’m happy there are stories out there for people who do enjoy it. I’m not here to judge what you like reading or what you do to your characters.

What I want is to express how blindness, my disability, used as a whump prompt personally makes me feel and what message it sends to me, to others, and how that message affects my daily life.

Whump undeniably involves watching a character suffer through something painful and traumatic.

My use of the word “suffer” is what I want you to focus on.

Vision loss can be painful and traumatic. I personally developed an anxiety disorder in response to vision loss. Others experience depression. For some it might result in relapsing into old, maladaptive coping mechanisms like drug use, self harm, or eating disorders.

A big part of my anxiety was how people reacted to my vision loss. It was a cause of their stress. They were worried because they genuinely believed I would never live a happy life without normal vision, and that my life would only be struggle and pain.

I recently saw an old friend who hadn’t heard about my vision loss. The conversation was awkward, but the worst part was how they reacted as though I had experienced an insurmountable tragedy. And even when I assured them I’m happy with my life, they clearly didn’t believe me. They acted like I was just lying or in denial.

I love that people want to empathize with my situation and ask themselves what they would do in my situation, but I hate when the conclusion they come to is something along the lines of “I could never do that, I’d be too miserable thinking about everything I lost, I’d never be able to do anything I enjoyed ever again.” But I did go blind. And I’m not miserable, I’m actually happy with the direction my life is going, and I still enjoy my hobbies, even if I engage with them differently.

I’m not suffering. My life didn’t end with vision loss. It’s not ruined, broken, or worthless.

I read a fanfic that was tagged with whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. A general synopsis of the plot: the whumpee had gone blind due to a curse. It was true love’s kiss that broke the curse. Even from the summary I knew it was going to end with whumpee being cured somehow and that I’d leave that fanfic vaguely dissatisfied no matter how good the rest of the fanfic was.

I can say this for the fanfic: the whumpee had already accepted that they would likely be blind for the rest of their life, but everyone around them was treating it as a tragedy that needed to be fixed, working tirelessly for a cure despite the whumpee’s protests that they didn’t have to.

It actually hit home to my personal experience.

I still left it dissatisfied with the ending. I might love curse fics in that fandom, and I love the “true love’s kiss” trope, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from the fact that: an actual person out in the world thought the best happy ending, maybe the only happy ending, would be if the character got their sight back.

(note: I clicked kudos and exited out of the story's page because no fanfic writer deserves unsolicited critique or hate, especially for content I consumed for free and at my own volition.)

Why read a story I knew would disappoint me?

Because blindness representation is so damn rare that I feel like I’m wandering in a desert, dying from thirst and desperate for that oasis. But sometimes that oasis is a mirage and the author is unintentionally telling you that your life is actually awful and you’ll never be fully happy like this. And that is a shit mentality to walk through life with.

I don’t appreciate blindness being a whump plot. I hate it. Hundreds (thousands?) of fanfictions featuring blind characters are about to enter the internet and the overall message is going to be “You poor thing! You must be in so much pain, you must be miserable! Who’s going to save you? Who’s going to comfort you? Wouldn’t it be terrible if there was no one in your life to take care of you? You poor helpless thing!”

And I feel objectified. I feel trivialized. The mirage in the desert is going to become a starch, empty room filled with dozens of water bottles, almost all of them poisoned. My representation is going to hurt me personally, and it’s going to reinforce that idea strangers have about how awful my life must be.

(I returned to school this past month, and every day I’m hesitant to tell someone I’m visually impaired because I don’t want to be treated differently. If I’ve managed to pass as sighted this whole time and then suddenly reveal “oh yeah, I’m visually impaired” I feel this instant silence, this pause of awkwardness as people suddenly question how they’re supposed to treat me. They treated me like a person, and now I’m something strange and unfamiliar.)

I’ve worked so hard to improve representation for blind people, to give internet strangers the exposure to a blind person they need to normalize blindness because I hope that if they’re ever so lucky as to meet a blind person, they’ll treat that person with respect. That hope that another person in the blind community will find a friend they feel comfortable and accepted with. I hope that I’ll meet people who accept my blindness as just another aspect of me (like being bisexual or gender fluid or a writer or a cat lover).

Please don’t turn me and my community into a caricature. Don’t erase everything I’ve worked for with this blog.

To be clear, this is not just me saying "I hate the cure trope" again. This is me saying "the purpose of whump is to painfully hurt your favorite character, and I hate that your idea of pain and suffering is my daily (wonderful) life."