its simple if u cant handle daisuke at his dark then u'll never be able to handle dark at his daisuke. ppl better not be catching on the idea that only daisuke doesn't want to expose dark. dark doesn't want to expose daisuke either in most cases. it's mutual. their feelings, their secret(s) are shared, and the way that dai doesn't believe anybody could like him after realizing his true self (dark, his criminal status or his being a literal 'monster') is only the reverse side of dark believing nobody would actually like him after realizing his true self (daisuke, his very own human flaws and inferiority that are completely separate from his suave phantom thief image.)
people assume daisuke's without flaw or sin and dark's without inferiority but that's entirely what it's about. it's about people being deeper than you'd expect, the sides of a single person being complex, to the point that as you learn new things sometimes the perceived differences between expectation and reality can surprise, even scare you. daisuke and dark are always acutely aware they can disappoint so many people. they're acutely aware they ALREADY ARE disappointing so many people. which is also why they only ever want to bring themselves forward with someone, the kind of muse who's going to be their forever, and i don't mean that just in a romantic sense. it has to be someone they can wholly and absolutely trust (after some time and bonding,) or suddenly have to due to circumstances.
once they show you their 'secret' you become theirs and they become yours. until then, dark and daisuke are going to avoid and not find any comfort in anybody who can only love them in halves, any sentiment that rings with condition; i love you but not actually as you are. these deeper feelings about their self-perceived flaws, dark having pathetic aspects that break his arrogant and capable image, daisuke having 'sinful' ones that break his innocent or harmless image, are TRUTHS about themselves. they should be taken seriously for anything positive because dark and daisuke themselves feel seriously about it. if u can't be trusted to handle daisuke at his dark then u can't b trusted to handle dark at his daisuke. even if one or the other is asleep during an interaction, the both of them are still always there.
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two years. Where do I even start with this
I'm not going to try to act like these characters have been with me through some super hard part of my life within the past two years, because they haven't. I've had a normal life with nothing too big happening that completely disrupts me from my day-to-day experiences in the last few years. But I'm not going to let that fact invalidate all the smaller and tinier stresses and spirals they've helped me through. And believe me, I have a lot of those.
They have been there for the mornings when I'd wake up too early and be unable to fall back asleep, the afternoons I spent poring over essays I could've started days ago, the nights I spent stubbornly staying up much too late. They've been there for each silly overthinking session I had, for each nervous ache I got, each stumbled and rushed phrase I spoke. They've been there for when I would be nervous to walk into some crowded aisle in the store, when I would pace around the room because something had gotten me worked up, when I would get so many emotions over something and tear up over it. Every new habit, every new interest, every little victory and small loss... they've been there with me through it for the past two years. And I really don't know how to voice how new and different this is for me.
I don't usually hold onto interests for this long. I'll get into something and it'll occupy my mind for maybe eight months until something else grabs my attention and I move on to the next thing. Any past f/os I had wouldn't stick around this long. Sure, I'd still love the character, I'd still see them as my favorite character from their series, but they wouldn't move on with me to the next interest. And while I will admit that I have loved all of my f/os, current and past, very deeply, none of them seem to really compare to the love I have for my boys now. I remember being so nervous to get into something new because I was worried that I'd lose interest, that the feelings I have for them would be replaced with something that feels lesser and less fulfilling. It sounds silly when I type it out, but it was genuinely something I was afraid of. I didn't think I could ever love anyone the way I love them, and to an extent, I still feel this way.
But, geez, if they were to follow that usual formula, they are a whole 16 months late. And guess what? I have gotten into other things, picked up other shows, other books, and they are still here. I still love them, they still occupy my mind all too much, I still think about them. This silly series still has me in a choke hold after two years and I genuinely don't think it's going away for a while yet. I was literally smiling like an idiot over some cards that reminded me of them earlier, got happy over seeing a picture of one of them unprompted the other day... I'm still so in love with them and I truly hope that doesn't end any time soon <3
It feels so nice to be able to get into things with all of them. It's nice having someone to watch and read things with and getting to imagine how they'd react over things, what things we could discuss and joke over, what specific things would interest them more than others... A lot of our time when we first got together was spent watching movies because I was overly aware of the fact most of them probably didn't get to experience the life I did. They didn't get the chance to have the childhood I had, be it because of the fact they're not even from this century, or because of the circumstances of how they were brought up. I make an effort to try and include them in everything I do, consciously or not, because I want them to be able to have the chance to experience as many things as possible. I even think about them being there with me during classes, as silly as that sounds, so it's been extra fun being able to genuinely get into things with them beside me without worrying about losing them or whatever.
I'm sure I've been over this before, but I've never been this involved with my f/os before. Like I said, I genuinely did love all of my past ones, but that love feels so much more indirect than the love I have for my current f/os. I don't think I've ever referred to a character as my "boyfriend" or my "partner" as casually as I do for my boys. I don't remember using the term "love of my life" for anyone else as often as I do for my boys. I don't even remember being caught up thinking about how much I want to marry a character as much as I have for my boys. This all feels so much more serious for me because of that. So much newer and unknown and just... baffling? In a way? It feels like so much more than anything else from before. As cliche and silly as it might be, I genuinely think they are the loves of my life. I don't know where I'd even be without them. I don't know who or what else could possibly take up this much space in my life, in my brain, in my heart. I just... I love them so much. And I've gotten to do that for two full years. And that's so insane to me.
I've loved getting to go to sleep at the end of my day and getting to imagine them holding me and sharing my bed with me, I've loved getting to go through whatever routines I have and imagining them going through their own beside me, I've loved getting to sit while doing my own thing and imagining them there with me. I've loved getting to have them in my life, I've loved getting to be all giddy and happy over them, and I've loved getting to love them. One year was insane enough for me, but two years is just so much more. I think with every year it'll just be as baffling as the last for me. And I'm not saying this with the usual sense of "if we make it another year", because by this point I'm not putting anything past them. I think I probably will be here again next year writing a post at an ungodly time of night just like I am now. That won't stop me from being so blown away each time.
so here’s to two years of me and these dorks. I’m already excited to see where the next one will take us <3
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