#will forever fuck me up inside
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There's something about how in Act 3 after Gale has visited the Stormshore Tabernacle, he tells the player (if romanced);
“I would much rather gaze into your eyes than hers. Yours are capable of tenderness, and feeling. No god could ever compare.”
It's worth noting that throughout the game one of Gale's most prominent characteristics is his very expressive eyes, we see it in almost all of his scenes when he looks at the player, in particular his Act 2 and Act 3 romance scene, as well other instances throughout.
But compare that to Gale after he becomes a god, his eyes are no longer the same soulful, emotional eyes as before, but glowing with ambition even if he's trying to express his emotions. He'll never truly look at the player like he once did, even if he still loves them.
#THIS IS WHY I HATE THE GOD GALE ENDING!!!!!#listen#I am a BIG sucker for the ‘humanity cannot be imitated by gods’ trope#I think it’s sexy as hell and it makes humanity MEAN something#(actually wrote a poem about it that I might edit idk)#so seeing Gale#one of the most human and heartfelt characters in the game#LOSE that sense of humanity#will forever fuck me up inside#me and my homies HATE God Gale 😭#reblog#bg3#Gale#gale dekarios#god gale
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my self gift for my borthday: the final design for my mobiansona!!
srry for the sad drawing but i needed somewhere to vent. anyway los completos son la mejor wea del mundo ctm
dont forget ur daily clicks!!
#if youve seen my older drawings you prob recognize them. it used to be an opossum and its design was uh. worse.#and now ive finally changed it to something i like more!! he def feels more like me now#have i had top surgery? no. will that stop me from drawing my sona w top srugery scars? nuh uh bitch#also birthdays are so fucked. id love to Not Grow Up like. wdym im an adult now.#oh to be forever inside the womb................#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#bug the moonrat#sonic oc#mobiansona#nov.aart#nov.oodles#tw sui ideation
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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"God loves you so much he wont let you die horror trope" is basically the plot of the first few seasons of the venture bros from hank and deans perspective except instead of god its rusty and also they spend like 16 years not knowing this is happening
#the venture bros#hank venture#dean venture#rusty venture#also they die all the time#i was thinking about how multiple people have come up to hank and deano and told them#yeah ive seen you die you should not be here#and how fucked up that is#rusty 'i grew up surrounded by death and superscience and now death is meaningless to me beyond a hurdle to jump' venture#rusty 'everyone in my life controls me except these two kids who i control and i refuse to let them go' venture#rusty 'my kids have died a dozen times and each death lives inside of me forever' venture#damn what a show huh?
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no t to be all dramatic and shit but this year brought me only shit and pain in 500 different sauces and i also really thought at this point i was a worthless stupid idiot that couldnt do shit and would never get to work in a museum bc i'm a fraud and I didn't deserve my degree so like haha 👍 big hit for my mental health but in positive for once
#rena.txt#NOW i won't be this big important asset in the big picture of the musuem BUT U GUYS CANT EVEN IMAGINE HOW FUCKING SHIT IT IS TO GET A JOB IN#A MUSEUM HERE ANDDDD GET PAID FOR IT??????? plus this will be the first step to get experience in the field which will help me later on#and the money will help me move out to do my master degree and the project will give me points when in future i will join public shit to#get inside musuems and do bigger more important stuff and i just. oh my god#my life isn't fucked over forever at only 25 :D#ok sorry i will shut up u guys dont even know how much this mean to me i coule really really cry rn bc we aren't over. WE AREN'T!!!!!!!!!
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#supernatural#one boy's room‚ summer#me is mark#apologies for the summer sons/spn posting again#but once again the show is digging at my weaknesses#he did some fucked up stuff. made me drink his blood....!!!#i'm always thinking/saying this#better than mother's milk. god.#dubious blood-feeding that inducts the young vulnerable consumer into the feeder's terrible dark world#where they will forever have this affiliation with evil deep inside of them#the subtext to vampirism etc.
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happy 1 year anniversary to the election results that were so fucked they had me trying to take my mind off of things by watching what seemed like a toxic chinese queerbait show only to find something far more thoughtful and genuinely queer and interesting than expected and end up watching a bunch more unrelated things that are talked about in vaguely the same realms of the internet and then watch bad buddy twice in a row and fall into an endless bingewatch of thai media (some of which is mediocre, some of which is bad, much of which is simply pretty good, and some of which is genuinely incredible) and go, well, it would be a waste of all this language input i'm accidentally giving myself right now if i didn't at least learn a few words. thus accidentally locking myself into watching even more thai media because now i gain serotonin from hearing a sentence i know i could write
#this is about the dutch general elections of 2023. i know another election is probably still on most people's minds#it feels WILD that it's only been a year. and at the same time. the government they eventually formed based on those votes#is still hanging in there. and it feels like THAT's been going on for way longer than a year#*#ah well in happier news! i think it's the way part of me is forever roaming the internet in 2011#but even when a BL (or GL! which is finally picking up!) series is bad. or just boring.#there is something in me that can't help but go !! oh my god? there's a hundred of these out there??#and we can argue definitions and representation and fetishization. but there are So Many queer people working on them these days#and not all but many of these stories are insightful and kind and clever and have a very queer beating heart inside of them#(and there's also something to be said for queer trash tv. that has a place! but i won't get into it)#and this is really truly only a thing of the past few years!!! this did not exist when i was a teen!!!#i'm still so young but i'm EASILY old enough to remember that. and now All Of That is just out there. often on youtube for free#if you are a teen TODAY you don't need to pick between settling for watching tara die on btvs. watching ianto die on torchwood#or watching queer as folk. which is not a knock on qaf but it's not necessarily tv for teens#instead there's like. dozens of queer people on modern western tv! there are ever more queer movies where nobody dies!#and there's just a goddamn fucking impossible-to-watch-in-one-lifetime amount of guaranteed happy end BL series out there#and it's insane!!! that is insane to me!!!#and is also maybe a good thing to remember in current times. things can and do change for the better#sometimes in ways you might not expect. sometimes you might not even know it's happening. but it does
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not going to name names bc thats messed up but omfg i was tryna find records of old heta fandom shit to show inu right and i found a hetalia iceberg and I SAW MY 2019 OPP ON THERE. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE MY EYES BULGED OUT OF MY SKULL BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN JOKING I HATED THIS BITCH SO MUCH WHEN I WAS 14 AND NGL I STILL HATE HER. I DIDNT SAY NOTHING AND KEPT CURTIOUS AND NORMAL OBVIOUSLY BUT ON THE INSIDE I WANTED HER ASS DEAD EVERYDAY AND WELL... you all know im never in the loop with things and had no fucking clue that she was just the antichrist for an entire group of people lol. SHE WAS MY ANTICHRIST THO. I HATED HER AND SHE HATED ME OKAY AND IM LIKE RODF SEEING HOW SHES ON THE FUCKING HETALIA ICEBERG I WAS LIKE OMG.... I THOUGHT ONLY I FUCKING DESPISED HER
#i hated her to an unhealthy amount imma be so real#bc ive never done an internet sin of like shittalking outside of priv accs/dms#or interacting anonymously with people i hate etc etc#but there are things that are like corruptions for your own soul from how sour hatred can get#and she did that to me. and i only hated her enough to do that#i have only ever in my life actively hatestalked her blog when i was 14 bc she made me so fucking mad everyday#ive only ever in my life hatestalked her like shes the only reason i can comprehend why people are compelled to hatestalk#this was all back when i was like 14 tho lol and#ugh... im sorry. as you can tell the hatred i feel towards her is like soul corrupting level#i want to say im sure she has grown up to be a fine person and logically i know this is true#but also part of me is like there is no fucking way this bitch grew up to be a fine person like the lobotomy part of my brain is saying that#i will not tell you who she is btw so dont send me an ask begging for the user#and if for some reason you have a hunch who it is. you never know you could be wrong and even if youre not i dont condone harassment towards#her or like yknow just any association like leave her tf alone#i dont have fans who love me enough or are crazy parasocial to harass someone i personally hate/hated#but still just in case#shes not an actual bad person. i just hate her so much that it makes ME a bad person on the inside#its why im so glad that i turned 15 and went i need to stop looking at her forever or else i will reincarnate as a mosquito#ill only talk to u abt her if we are at least acquatiances with eachother#and i dont think anybody will be able to figure out who she is actually bc i never once was mean to her outside of telling my close friends#i wanted her dead. me when i dont act like a beast online despite the vietnamese devil inside me
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❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-
#glass animals#honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk i’m just huh????#like….. when i say wore out#i cannot describe how much i listened to it#i usually have some vague idea even if it’s a ridiculous number#like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened)#i cannot recall w this#gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke#so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao#(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to déjà vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol)#anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. 🥹 i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night#driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldn’t be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in#sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who????#had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused#it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping i’d hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song#then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky &#ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work#(i was right & it blew her miiind)#god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok#i’m sure people are v quick to say they’re overrated bc of that but idk & i’m glad i don’t know. they’ll always be this#highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift#a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didn’t & should have ended them#as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?)#a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever
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MAN. the dynamic of "just wants to be loved and desired and wanted" x "fantasizes about locking you up so i can have you all to myself forever" HOOOOO
#yandere#yanderecore#THIS IS KURAHI... TO ME#hiei just wants someone to love him and want him to stay in their life forever#and kurama is MADLY in love with hiei and his possessive youko instincts kick in#and he fantasizes about chaining him up to keep him in the human world with him#but he feels guilty about it! bc he cares so much for hiei and wants hiei to be happy and wouldnt want to limit his freedom!#but when they finally admit they both are in love with each other#hiei can see that kurama is HEAVILY restraining himself#and finally ends up telling kurama to stop holding back whatever it is that hes keeping inside#and kurama is like *nervous laughter* oh no‚ you wouldnt want that#but hiei insists and says if he didnt want it he wouldnt ask#''you dont know the extent of my desires hiei'' ''knowing them is exactly what im asking for kurama''#and eventually... kurama finally opens up about some of his fantasies about hiei. gradually getting to the more intense shit#and hiei is just like 👀 damn really? 😳 and becomes overwhelmed over the fact of how much kurama desires him SO FUCKING MUCH#to the point of fantasizing about locking him up just to keep him by his side forever#and knowing how much kurama not only wants but NEEDS him just gets him all flustered n hot n bothered#and when kurama realizes hiei is EXTREMELY into all of this hes like 👀 oh.#and turns the flirting on HARDCORE as he admits all of his fantasies
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Also, while we're talking about men who are Weird to women -- if you're a man, PLEASE do me a favor and don't keep talking to a woman who isn't interested for like 20 minutes and stand there awkwardly, butting into conversations she's trying to have with her friends and talking over the last few songs of the night for the ENTIRE TIME, and then get pissy when she gives up and starts ignoring you so she can actually enjoy what she came here for. My presence at a bar without someone you perceive as a man is NOT an invitation to come over and talk and talk and talk while I'm trying to enjoy people's karaoke songs. I don't fucking know you, and I was enjoying myself until you came up and wouldn't shut the fuck up. Leave me alone. I don't care if you're fucking wasted. 10 minutes of standing Too Close behind me while I ignore you after you didn't pick up the hints for 10-15 minutes is fucking creep behavior.
#personal#and having visible cleavage and singing good is ALSO not an invitation to waste my time. he literally didn't even introduce himself.#i don't even know his name. he just came over and talked At Me for 20ish minutes. like. several men had normal conversations...#...with me that night and then LEFT ME ALONE within several minutes. that's fine. it is NOT fine to come over and interrupt a...#...conversation and insert yourself into it and talk over everyone else and just stand there forEVER while everyone awkwardly ignores you#like. he felt the need to apologize like 5 times but then kept fucking talking and standing Right Next to me#...and then BEHIND me for the rest of the night. it was fucking weird.#DON'T STAND RIGHT BEHIND ME AT A BAR. THERE IS SO MUCH STANDING ROOM THAT ISN'T UP INSIDE MY ASS.
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it's every single time i give myself a minute to breathe. a minute away from people, places, distractions, running away from my reality--when the heartbreak catches up and hits me. knocks my fucking breath out.
#as someone who's default has been for the longest time to love love love not being able to give it all the time actually makes me feel#like i am missing a part of me#its the weirdest most incredibly frustrating feeling to feel just slightly off kilter every single minute of the day and knowing u have#no choice but to ignore the oddness bcoz if u poke it its gonna all come crashing down#i hate having loved someone to the point where it was more than how much i loved myself coz now i m left#picking up the pieces they chose to leave behind and not knowing how to piece it all together#and it hurtshurtshurtshurts and never lessens and i can kiss someone else and still feel like a corpse inside#bcoz theres pieces missing that i gave away and that feeling of being incomplete just wont go away#trusting someone to love me forever might have been the stupidest thing i will ever do#and on bad days i think i deserved being left for the sheer stupidity of my life choices#istfg i m never loving again until a man puts a damn ring on my finger#so unbelievably fucking done with this shit#i wanna hate him but i cant and i wanna stop loving but i wont and i wanna feel full again but i dont#tw breakup#tw heartbreak
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nothing get's my fandom blood boiling faster than when i see people in the wild romanticizing burke as cristina's true love.
#not me stumbling on some person's post on twitter believing with their whole chest#that if burke had stayed cristina would have had children#and that the only thing that stopped that from happening is burke leaving#and like. ok. arguably? maybe.#BUT#this person posited that it was PROOF OF HOW MUCH BURKE LOVED HER???#fuuuuuuck off#that man would have psychotically gaslit and manipulated her into have children until she was so twisted up inside#he was the mother fucking WORST#he constantly punished her at work for things she did in their relationship#she didn't want to move in and so he didn't give her surgeries.#she said she didn't want to tell about their relationship and he did it anyway#hahn complimented her and burke was pissed at her so he implied that cristina was sleeping with him for professional gain#like fuck that man forever
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if troubles were money, i would still be broke
nothing you say makes sense. i take it with a grain of salt. i think it’s good to come here and spew raw thoughts to be able to build a genuine more pure reality — after all we are creators in the end. — it’s funny how one story has never changed— you must be on autopilot.
reflection is good for the soul— i will come here to hate, mourn, grieve, articulate — but i will probably never admit that i am the problem— and that’s more than i can say for the rest of you.
it’s good to let the maiden express her thoughts somewhere vacant and let the queen move about her reality. only the vast void of a nonexistent universe knows what i really think— it helps cultivate my intellect.
i stay away from fantasy novels because i myself am a fantasy novel. everyone thinks they are real- and that makes them a problem. keep telling yourself to repeat the mantras and you eventually will become your own lies.
i don’t appreciate anyone’s perspective of me and maybe that’s what makes me insane, it leaves me in a neutral gear but also raving as loud as it will let me. you would also be insane if you loved me. sure, label me, diagnose me, ignore me- still the world turns and I turn with it. just let me come here a throw my fit.
maybe i have been too harsh on my evaluation of it all but then again i have no desire to keep it simple, i complicate things to the normal mind- I enhance things to the thinking mind. and i can’t punish anyone for that with the thought of disgust and i don’t. sometimes i can admit how stupid i am being and not extending my thinking to the other end of the spectrum, and that would be doing a disservice to my articulation and understanding of the human race as a collective. i know we are weak, i know we are unintelligent, i know we will never live up to our full potential.
today i will try my best to pause and watch. allowing my mind to compute on levels it hasn’t had the chance to process.
today i will be rich. today i will be the uzumaki.
-x
#grand rising#hello tumblr#don’t mind me#inside my mind#deep thoughts#i’m just saying#i woke up like this#girl interrupted#wild woman#diary#tumblr diary#diaryposting#personal diary#poetic#writeblr#writing#writers and poets#poetry#poetry blog#current mood#forever mood#thoughts into the void#girlblogging#fucking mood#deep writing#raw thoughts#this is a girlblog#earth angel#deep questions#do you get me
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the bitter hilarity of not ever wanting to be perceived yet feeling incredibly hurt whenever you’re being overlooked
#I guess it’s one thing to decide for yourself to not see and interact with anyone#and another to get intentionally ignored by someone else#I’m at a point where I don’t want to go out with this friend of mine anymore#because every time we’re anywhere men will instantly come up to her to flirt#and I’m just standing next to her. as if I’m not even there#they will only have eyes for her and ask her questions while I’m right there too#or. even worse. like today. them saying: ‘oh you’re definitely the prettiest’ to her#while I’m standing beside her with only my mom completing our little group#and this has happened ever since we were 14 years old#I just fucking hate men and how bad they make me feel about myself I hate it I hate it so much#and I just wanna stay inside on my own forever#deciding for myself to be invisible#tonight sucked. good night
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hate having interests hate hate hate
#mik talks#hate how excited this fucking show makes me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#why am i so autistic#do people actually enjoy this... being this excited over something that your entire body vibrates and your heart beats really fast#and you feel like throwing up almost and cant sleep and dont care about anything else and cant make yourself care about anything else?#and its like okay any moment now im gonna open my mouth to my friends again and become super annoying.#contrary to popular belief i actually try to be normal#and theres this deep deep deep shame over it like oh... i am gross and creepy and wasting my life on shit no one cares about#i will never post about my interests on tumblr even if it got me more followers or more likeminded friends.#id rather just let them eat holes inside my organs forever i kinda dig the pain#its like my own private religion i worship#religion of fantasy faggotland sory i love that phrase a lot
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