#will be tagging spoilers for a couple of months since not everyone will be able to start playing on launch day

[edeer]

i'll be tagging all veilguard posts as veilguard spoilers so please add that to your blacklist/filtered tags if you want to avoid spoilers.

[angel-eyes05]

to leave the warmest bed i've ever known (part 4)

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

pairing: spider-woman!reader x miguel o’hara 

summary: so much time has passed since you last saw each other. will old feelings come up again once you two find each other again?

warnings: HUGE ATSV SPOILERS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, this is so against canon its insane, NSFW (we did it guys we're finally here), switch!reader and switch!miguel, blood mention, fang and claws play, p in v unprotected, cumplay, angsty (i couldnt help it), it goes, angst, smut, and then angsty fluff at the end youre welcome

word count: 3.2k

notes: for some reason, it didn't let me tag as many people who wanted to be on the taglist, so if i didn't end up tagging you for the final part, sorry idk what went wrong

also forgive me i was listening to boygenius while writing the parts leading up to the smut so it might get a little angsty there (i cant help it) (miguel and y/n are so bite the hand and cool about it core)

but then i balanced it out by listening to frank ocean (pyramids specifically) while writing the smut so you're welcome

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Three years had passed. Three years since you finally found Miles, defeated The Spot, and caused the collapse of the Spider Society. Everyone had gone back to their separate dimensions, but were able to still visit each other with their still working portal watches. Miles and Gwen specifically were very happy. Peter B. went back home to live with MJ and Mayday, sending you frequent pictures of Mayday to keep you updates. You were different. You didn’t return to your home world. You didn’t necessarily have anyone to return to per se. Instead, you decided to hop between dimensions, seeing what crime there was to fight in cities that didn’t have anyone to protect it. It was enough to keep you occupied, and as long as your watch still worked, you had the option to stop if you wanted to. Life was nice. You finally had found peace.

But something felt off. Something thudding in the back of your head. Because even though you had been at peace for three years, it had also been three years since you saw him. You had seen him during the final showdown between all of Spider Society, but your team had managed to keep you two apart, due to fear for your safety. After the fight was over, you two had made eye contact with each other a couple of times, but never approached each other. If you were being honest, you were still scared of him at that point, even seeing him tied up there on the floor waiting for someone to deal with him. 

It took a while for your gashes to heal, the ones on your back taking much longer to turn into scars than the ones on your tricep and thigh. The marks on your body were frequent reminders of him and the damage he’s caused to your life. Part of you hated him for it. But most of you just missed him. Unlike Jess, who sent you pictures of her baby every now and then, neither of you had reached out to the other. It was crazy how five years of shared history can be thrown to the ground so quickly.

Right now, you were sitting on the railing of your apartment balcony. For the past month or so, you decided to park it in Earth-3819. There wasn’t much crime going on there, so it was a nice place to stop when you needed a break. Your feet dangled off the edge of the railing, as you looked out to see the sunset on the skyline. The wind blew faintly at your face, causing strands of hair to fall out of your high bun. You had been thinking more about him recently, wondering if he was feeling the same way you were. 

Almost as if you manifested it, you heard the sliding glass door from your bedroom slide open. Startled, you quickly turned around, ready just in case it was an attacker.

It was much worse than an attacker. 

You mouth laid agape as his massive shadow covered your smaller body. Feelings that laid dormant for the past three years suddenly erupting in your stomach. You looked up to the roof of your building as a signal to meet you up there, as you attached a web to the top and swung up there.

Once you were both at the top, you faced your back to him to take time to catch your breath. Your emotions were all over the place right now. “You’re really hard to find, you know,” he said trying to break the silence. You wanted to throw up. As much as you hoped this moment would come, you never realized how unprepared you would be if it ever did. You couldn’t bare to look at him right now, knowing you would lose control of yourself if you did. “You look…good.” How would he know, he only saw your face for a second before you bolted off. You both stood there, the wind growing louder and louder with each second you both stayed silent. 

All of your senses came to a freeze once you felt his hand place itself on your shoulder, causing a flinch from you. “I wanted to find you again, mi vida,” he said in that rich, deep, smooth tone of his that drives you crazy. You could tell he was getting closer when you felt the hairs on your neck stand up from him breathing on them. “I missed you, and I was hoping we could pick up where we left off,” he said into the crook of your neck and began to plant kisses there. You broke free from his grasp by the third kiss he left. “No no no no no, no we can’t. It’s not that simple Miguel,” you said, pinching your bridge and sighing. There's no way he could've thought it would be this easy. He's not this stupid….is he?

“Listen amor, I’m sorry for everything that happened. But the past is the past.” He walked closer to you. “And I want my future with you.” He was up against you again. This time instead of your shoulder, he dragged his finger up and down your back in an almost hypnotic motion. God, you wanted him so bad, you wanted it to be this simple. That he can just apologize and everything could be okay. But you were reminded it couldn't be that way once his finger hit a pressure point in your scar. You swatted your hands in the air and walked away from him again. “No Miguel, that's not how this works. You can just do the things you've done to me and just say sorry and expect it to fix everything. You're not a child.” 

Once you turned around to face him, you saw him standing there like a lost puppy. You just wish he could see what you were talking about. “Don't act like you didn't do horrible things then too. I saw what you did to Jess.” “Don't turn this onto me Miguel. This is about you.” You walked up to him and pressed your finger into his chest. “This is about you, and the horrible things you've done to me! I can't even take a shower anymore without looking at myself in the mirror and seeing your damage!” You lifted up your shirt sleeve. “You did this! This was all you!” Miguel looks down at you with sympathetic eyes as your eyes began to well up. 

“And you can’t just barge in on this life I’ve made for myself and ask for me back because I won't go with you!” You were fully crying at this point, desperately trying to get your words out between sobs and lightly punching at Miguel's chest while he just stared at you. “Because I hate you Miguel! I hate you, okay!” You couldn't manage to talk anymore, overcome with the emotions he caused you to feel. You rested your head on his chest as you continued to sob. He wrapped his arms around you, causing you to do the same to him immediately. You sat there crying into his arms for about a minute, until he lifted up your chin with his finger.

“I’m so sorry I did this to you mi princesa. I’m so sorry. But I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.” Overtaken by emotion, you grab his face and crash your lips into his. Almost instinctively, his hands find a home onto your hips. You pull away for a second. “Just stop talking already,” you say breathlessly. He rushes to connect the two of your lips again, already going as far as to slip his tongue in between your lips. He’s so passionate about everything he does. His hands hold a tight grip on your body as his tongue explores your mouth. Almost like he’s hungry for you. No, not hungry. Starving. Famished. Three years apart was too much for him to stand without you by his side or in his bed. He needed you desperately. Like his life depended on if he was going to be able to fuck you into your bed tonight or not. 

He let out moans as your hands ran through and tugged on his hair. But as soon as his claws came out and dug into your hips, you pulled your mouth off of his, a string of saliva still connecting you two. “No claws Miguel. Bring them out again, and its over okay.” You still weren’t mentally over his attack against you. He nods. “Of course, baby.” With that said, you let go of him to walk over to the edge of the building. Once your at the edge, you signal him over. He follows, almost as if he’s under some spell. You attach one of your webs to your balcony railing below and use it as a guide to fall down to it. You land on your balcony, Miguel following close behind as you open the sliding door to your bedroom.

After you close the door and blinds, you turn to find Miguel almost hovering over you. He looked like some kind of lost dog the way he kept following you around, begging for more of you. You gently kiss him and guide him over to your bed. He sits down on the edge of the bed and begins to pull your hoodie off your head as you help him take off his suit. Once your sweatpants are off as well, you gently push him onto his back on your bed. Goosebumps form all over your body, partially from exposure to the cold air in your room, and partially from seeing him like this underneath you again. Finally, you take his already hard cock, and slide it into your hole, causing a rough groan out of him as you begin to rock on his hips.

You take things nice and slow while you’re in control, knowing the moment you get sloppy he’ll start to take over for you. You kissed down his neck and collarbone as you rode him, with him gripping hard at your back and your hips. “Nng, m-missed you s-so much amor,” he groaned out. “Tan hermosa.” You begin to speed your thrusting, tugging at his hair to get strained noises out of him. His hands make their way up to your back, digging into your skin. But your quick to rip his hands out of your back and pin them above his head once his talons come out again, into your back this time. You also take your lips off of his and stop your thrusting.

Miguel searched your face for some kind of explanation to the sudden stop, to find you panting and nearly frozen still. You’re taken back to that fight, a result from his claws finding a way into your scars. You’re pulled back to reality by Miguel’s voice. “Amor, que paso?” he asks with concern. You quickly wipe the sweat off your face and look into his beautiful crimson eyes. You wanted to forget the pain he caused you all those years ago, but unfortunately you couldn’t. But, you were willing to forgive him though. “Nothing Miggy,” you say gently, pressing a soft kiss onto his lips. He tries to move his hands back onto you, but finds his hands still trapped to the headboard. He looks at you confused. “What did I say about the claws, Miguel.” 

“Ay, baby you know its hard for me to control them around you,” he says, slightly annoyed, driven by the need to touch you again. “Well you’re going to need to try to okay? For now though, you’re going to stay like this.” His face drops, and he makes a sound almost like a whine. “Ay coño, lo siento péro you don’t need to punish me.” You felt powerful hearing him whine and beg like this. You were denying a starving man of his woman, his source of energy. 

Arms squirmed in your hand, as you began to rock on top of him again. You made sure to not kiss him either, moving away whenever he would try to place his mouth onto yours. He whined as you picked up your speed, desperate to feel you again. “P-please, let me go cariño.” You moved your mouth down and whispered in his ear, running your finger up and down his stomach, causing him to melt under you and whimper like a madman. “Not just yet,” you whispered seductively, sending extra chills down his spine and into his stomach when you bit into his ear lobe.

Overcome with your own urge to feel him, you accidentally let go of his hands and moved yours to grab hold of each of his pecs as you planted kisses over his sternum. Suddenly, you’re overswept as Miguel is freed and takes control over the situation. “I love you amor, but you have to let me touch your,” he says in that beautiful, rich tone of his before he goes at his own pace: slamming himself into you. 

He goes much faster than you did, and you almost come there on the spot as he nearly breaks your bed with his ferocity. You grip onto his enormous triceps for leverage as you let out a series of incoherent moans. “You like that, huh?” he pants out. You shove your lips onto his to get him to stop talking. “I-if you’re gonna do this, n-ngh, you’re gonna have to s-hh-ut up,” you manage to get out in between your almost inhumane sounds. He nods and shoves his tongue into your mouth, exploring the insides of your cheeks while his tip slams into your walls, causing that white heat to begin to build up in your stomach.

His hands swarm across your body, making up for lost time before, and eventually land on your breasts as he begins to palm at them. Just as you thought he couldn’t arouse you any more than he already has, he moves his mouth along your jawline, down to your neck, and begins to mark it with kisses and slight sucking. “I-I missed you too, Miggy.” 

That nickname you had for him drove him crazy. So crazy in fact, his next move was to drive his fangs into your neck, making sure to not let his poison seep into your neck. He presses his lips and sucks on the skin on your neck while sinking his fangs deeper into you. You could feel yourself getting closer to the edge, as you held onto his broad shoulders while he basically slammed you into the bed. “Oh Miguel,” you moaned out. He nodded, not able to speak, due to his fangs still being attached to your neck. You could tell he was getting close too with how sloppy his pace was getting. 

You’re washed over with bliss when the heat in your stomach finally takes over the rest of your body, almost clawing at Miguel while you come. His hands put more pressure on your breasts as he comes as well, moaning into the softness of your neck. Once you two have both finished, he slowly pulls his teeth out of your neck, and licks up the metallic liquid with his warm, delicate tongue. He slowly pulls his cock out of the sweetness of your cunt and rolls over to lay next to you on the bed, dragging his fingers across your pussy, taking the cum his fingers picked up and putting it in his mouth.

He plants a kiss onto your forehead before saying, “One second, princesa, I’ll be right back,” as he got up to go to the bathroom. He must have been in there for about 10 minutes before coming back into your room and reaching out his hand for yours. You take his hand as he leads you out of bed, reminded of how naked you are when you reveal yourself from the sheets.

He leads you into the bathroom to see that hes drawn a bath for the two of you. You blush slightly at the gesture, as he gets in first and leads you in. The touch of the water numbs your body slightly with the mixture of the cold room to the hot bath water. You almost melt as you sink in, laying your back against Miguel’s chest as he wraps his arms around your body. You could fall asleep right here, mixed between the comfort of the bath water, and Miguel’s body finally against yours again. The bathtub was kind of small, so his body was taking up most of the space, causing him to basically engulf you. 

You were surrounded in him, his lips almost attached to the nape of your nack, his arms consuming your upper half, and his legs intwining with your lower half. He wiggles slightly to reach the soap, puts it in the water to wet it, and lathers it onto your body. First, he washes your arms, rubbing the soap back and forth over your arm hairs, and even under your armpits. Next, he moves to wash your chest. He takes the soap and moves it over your breasts and your underboob, causing you to move in closer to him. His response is to peck kisses into the crook of your neck, getting little giggles out of you. You stop giggling though after he stops kissing you and stays still for a second. 

You wait in silence for him to do something. “...Miggy…you okay?” you ask when he doesn’t say anything. You turn your head slightly to see him. Out of your peripherals, you see him staring solemnly at your back. He’s finally seen them. The four almost perfectly placed scars warping across your back. They were huge. And he knows they’re from him. You turned your head back to the front and dug it in between your knees, pushing out your back even more. Miguel delicately traced his fingers over them, as you waited curled up for him to say something. “I’m sorry,” is all he can manage to weakly push out. 

You decide to turn your body around to face him, splashing water around in the cramped bathtub while doing so. His eyes are down with sadness creeping over his face. You cup his cheek with your hand and press a loving, gentle kiss onto his lips. You bring his arms over your shoulders and wrap your legs around his hips. You wanted to be engulfed by him. You were so pressed on staying mad at him for so many years that you forgot how much you loved being this close to him. You could hear his heart softly beating as you pressed your head against his chest. He soon wrapped his arms around your body, taking you into him, and dug his head into the crook of your neck, almost as if he was hiding. 

You stayed there for a moment before eventually turning back around. You laid your head in a position so you could still see his face if you looked up. You could feel yourself slowly dozing off in his arms. Your last thoughts before you slipped out of consciousness was of how perfect this was. 

You had found your home again. Moreso, he found his way to you. And this time, you were never going to let go.

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a/n: i just wanted to say thank you to everyone for sticking around during this series. i know it wasn't meant to be 4 parts and only 2 so i really appreciate everyone who stuck around for the whole thing. make sure to look out for my next thing cause i wanna start writing an enemies to lover oc x miguel thing so please go and support that once thats out. thanks guys!!!!

taglist: @jenniferdixon05207 @sweetanimebakery @azxulaa @daimiyu @vinkar345 @pinkninja200 @luvstich @rin-matsuoka345-blog @lillunna @konniebon @hwanunjin @simp-nerd-16 @chucklefuvk @elwyn7 @haileybxxr @ilovemymomscooking @lansy-4 @maxi-ride @d4rno @callsign-blue @obamnas-soda @sophipet @violentlyneon @d1lf-loverrr @afro-hispwriter @kirke-is-my-name @ilovemiguelohara @lavnderluv @konniebon @msecho19 @kiamewrites

[rindragon-from-twewy]

Raincode forte swap au character introooooos!!!! Part 3!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the last one as far as I know and I have plenty to ramble about! Seriously major spoilers for the og mdarc below the cut! (I super mean it this time)

Gosh I felt like such a mastermind genius writing the other intros and not name dropping The Chief - cuz I already knew Yakou and his Wife are swapping places too!

Introducing Yvette Furio: The Chief of the Nocturnal Detective Agency! I don't have much to say about her design this time honestly... gave her some simple office wear so she can blend in well with the other Kanai Ward residents, made her a little thicker and gave her the dead anime mum side ponytail cuz... well... technically she's dead in more ways then one- (Canonically, chapter 4, homonculi etc etc-). She took over from the previous chief to fulfil a debt she was unable to pay back before he died and keeps a photograph of him on her desk as a reminder to keep pushing forward. Though, it's more like the NDA was living on in spirit, since she doesn't know the first thing about being a detective and The Peacekeepers make it so nobody seeks out detectives anyways. The WDO themselves were never notified of this though, sending their Master Detectives to Kanai Ward thinking they're being put in good hands. Instead... they get a new wine aunt figure in their lives who'll be sobbing about being broke one minute and happily throwing them 20 shien and telling them to "buy yourself something nice, sweetie" the next.

Makoto is by far the most canon inkeeping of all. He's still Number One's homunculus and thus his original personality and demeanour remain more or less unchanged. The one exception being that he definitely asks Desuhiko about his opinions on the ethics of clone fucking at least once! His body and face are of course now carbon copies of Desuhiko's now instead of Yuma but I found that keeping his long hair a shade of blonde worked much better then the dark browns I was initially considering. His outfit is kinda a combination of Dazai and Chuuya's from Bungo Stray Dogs. Bolo tie, waist coat, jacket over the shoulders... the resemblance was unintentional but hey! Happy accidents! Made some alterations to his mask too - mainly I gave him red pikachu cheeks as well as a different nose shape. The thing I'm most excited about though are his earrings. They're basically just cattle tags that say "001" because of course the people who'd first created him wouldn't see him as anything more then just an animal - if not less then. Don't fret, though, these aren't stuck on him! He got a custom pair of earrings resembling the tags made as a sort of way to reclaim his origins. After all, earrings are cheaper then therapy!

And that's everyone so far!

For the record, I think it's important to say that I haven't played any of the rain code dlcs yet. I've been holding off on watching them on YouTube for like... 10 months now... cuz I really wanna play them myself. I'm hopefully getting them in a couple weeks time but this is a disclaimer that I know Yakou's wife shows up at one point but I have absolutely no idea what happens with her. All I know is that she doesn't have an official name cuz otherwise, I'd have been able to find that out on Google I think-

I think I'll take a few days break from drawing now since I've posted daily for over a week- I can feel the burn out brewing so I'm stopping while I'm ahead lol- maybe I'll focus on writing instead. :>

[ambrosialdesire]

So idk if u answered this in like another ask but would the s4 plotline still continue w/ cacoëthes reiner?

yup! i think i did answer some similar questions about it a few months ago lol

if you need help finding the answers, every cacoëthes series related ask is under the tag #cacoëthes ask in the blog 😁

AOT S4 FINAL PART SPOILERS JUST IN CASE

but in short, reiner does go off into the same plotline (he’s just a little less self-deprecating since he has a family to live for now) and does get released from the titan holder curse. i think i did also say that reader was with his mom at the time of the rumbling (still pregnant) so yk how they turn into titans for like a bit? she turns into one BUT DW THE BABY IS NOT AFFECTED OR HARMED DURING THIS PROCESS 😭‼️ and bc he now is able to live longer, both him and reader are still together and they’re working it out (not really, reiner’s still pretty controlling but becomes more lenient for reader since his paradisian friends are back and he knows how much reader missed them, and he’s still feels sorta guilty about the whole circumstance). she knows that he doesn’t like her talking to others for too long (and bc he molded her to be that way after the escape attempt/pt 3 of the series) so unfortunately she kinda hesitates bonding with her old friends bc it’s crazy awkward to talk about her time and relationship with reiner, and it’s been forever since she’s seen them.

reiner and reader after the rumbling become more like an old couple that bickers towards one another but they still love each other; kinda like when reader was at the braun family home to celebrate in pt 2 if y’all remember that, but it’s genuine, no more pretending.

the scout squad think its a pretty weird to see her and him being in a relationship (esp cause reiner literally kidnapped her) but they don’t really question it too hard, cause quite literally everyone there is traumatized and trying to do their own thing to heal. plus everyone there has done their own war crimes, so reiner kidnapping and having a family? unfortunately pretty tame compared to murder tbh 😭😭

[midnightsun-if]

Since I’m nosy and curious what would you share on a hypothetical Patreon? 👀👀👀

I’ll just put this beneath the cut so the people who don’t want to interact with this don’t have to see it…

I’d probably double check with all of you what you’d like to see on the Patreon! After all, you all would be the people paying for said content… Some of my ideas though?

Early Access to future updates (which I feel like is a given).

RO POV Stories… Either to do with the MC (during canon, potentially before, or after) or something to do with their individual backstories. Or maybe just some fun scenarios involving them.

Family Stories— from back when the MC was a child, different events that transpired (while the MC was there or before… like how Helena and Saraya met).

Sibling Stories with them being the RO.

I might even do the sibling romance stories on there too… Wherein it wouldn’t become public until they were completed. (And I’d probably do each one at a time… Letting you all pick which sibling to do first.)

Different Polls for things. Like specific scenes you might want to see, what character I should focus on (like if I wanted to do a RO Month or Family Month specifically, etc). Might even ask for potential things that could become canon (like if I want to add a fourth pet option or something).

Lore Posts (would also take recommendations about what you’d like to see). Might even delve into my favorite love story that I have in the canon story that’s sort of become a myth in itself within the world of supernaturals.

Art, of course. SFW or NSFW (the monthly support being the thing that’d help me pay for said commissions).

Just NSFW content in general.

Q&As with the various characters or whatever else (again would let you all choose what you’d like to see at the beginning of each month).

Guides whenever we get to that point in the story. Would probably also have a spoiler tag just in case….

I’d love to be able to let you all make characters for the world of Midnight Sun… from a Professor at Aurelian, to a shopkeeper in Avalon, to anything else… (It wouldn’t be a perk for everyone, but I think it’d be fun.)

Scattered Dev Blogs— behind the scenes stuff, seeing potentially deleted scenes, etc.

Given the option to help direct potential scenes in the future (what you’d like to see) or being given the choice to help me customize things…

Might even share more of my “Untitled IF” on there too… Who knows though.

Honestly, I’d just be willing to see what you all would like to see as well! My ideas may not be the best or the most interesting, but I’d be willing to listen to feedback from you all!

I’d also like to point out the a couple of the things, like the art, would end up making their way onto here as well! Of course, there will be things that are Patreon Only, but I wouldn’t want you all, the ones that either can’t afford the Patreon or just don’t wish to subscribe to it, miss out on potentially important things…

Thank you for being curious about my potential future plans. You’re a sweetheart! ❤️

[needmoremora]

this is kinda random, but it's related to the upcoming new series of obey me nightbringer

I feel the need to make this request to all my fellow fans about sharing anything about the game including your personal thoughts and theory if it's contained spoiler. More below the cut since next bits will contain spoiler for the current game.

I started playing back in 2020, my fave was asmo and i have the winter UR+ card of him as my first UR i built and while playing I started to like belphie since i like his voice. I started to follow the VA on youtube because they released belphie's song Dreamscape. Like watching his streams every other day (he is no longer active on streaming but you can still see his other contents).

What changes was that a fan litterally spoiled the game for me by saying that mc got killed on chapter 16. I was dumbfounded. I am not the type of person who replay or try on every choices available on the game. Only some stories i really like on devilgrams that I tried all of the choices. So I was at like chapter 30 at the time and still struggling to continue the main story. But the more I think about it, the more it bothers me since it is my fave character at the time. I no longer able to enjoy the game after a couple weeks. The funny thing is that I read fics on tumblr and most creator put tags or alerts on their posts so I don't read them. And I still get spoiled by chat on the stream.

Anyway, I really appreciate it if everyone will consider this and be careful of what you are saying or posting especially if it's spoilers.

Sorry this rant is super long but i think i need to tell the backstory so my point can get through. I just hope that i can enjoy the game again but what i do now is only goes in every couple months to reread devilgrams.

Last thing is shout out to Mammon and Barbatos stands you guys are crazy good at fics and successfully roped me in

[inksinger]

Finally, some decent pinned...

LINKS 👁👄👁

Find me on the Archive at Inksinger!

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Born in the early 90s

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Lokean hearth witch

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P3dophiles

Apologists (this includes sealions, gaslighters, goal post movers, and what-abouters - I'm not going to "discuss" my extremely justified hatred of someone who's actual garbage, go have a poor-faith debate with somebody else)

Pearl clutchers (adults who think ns/fw or deep topics simply don't belong on public websites at all because kids or sensitive adults might find it - if there are kids interacting with my posts specifically it's on them for not adhering to the publicly accessible DNI list, and adults have no excuse for not blacklisting or blocking without interacting)

Purity stans (adults who think writing something in a fictional piece means the author must surely be endorsing that something - nobody in their right mind would accuse any of the writers who worked on Nightmare on Elm Street of being totally down with torture and murder because that's ridiculous and everyone knows it)

If there's anything you think I should add, let me know and I'll make sure to update this bad boy. Stay cool. ✨

[muninnhuginn]

Top 5 series on your backlog you're looking forward to trying

ohno I'm gonna get outed for just how many series I've been putting off despite genuinely wanting to read/watch/play. I'll try and limit it to five though

Umineko. I will finally be able to unblock the tag and understand the meta I've been seeing in my periphery for years. Technically speaking I did watch the anime years ago and got a couple of hours into the VN back then too, but it's been so long I've managed to forget most of it (minus the soundtrack which I will admit has been in my rotation since back then). I honestly want to see how much I can figure out for myself as I go through but am a bit wary I'll have collected enough disparate spoilers that I'll start overthinking stuff based on those spoilers and hare off down entirely the wrong track.

Outer Wilds. Mainly because what I've heard of it is enough to intrigue me (there's a mutual here and a couple of Discord acquaintances who all vouch for it) but also I'm almost entirely spoiler-free. And I'm really appreciating stuff where I can go in mostly blind lately because chronically overthinking based on outside sources rather than the material itself isn't something I find 'fun'.

Next! Calling myself out on this one preemptively but... I asked for Pokemon games as presents for a few years there and then ended up not getting around to playing them because life happened and/or procrastination? And recently I'm seeing loads of stuff around about the latest game and ended up watching some of the recent anime eps because Ash is leaving the series and, well, I've not been entirely disconnected from the series but for a long while my main connection was through PokeGo and other people. Long story short: gonna finally play Pokemon Sword/Shield four years late. (Once I've finished Great Ace Attorney so should only be another six months or s-

And if I like that one then Pokemon Scarlet/Violet is also on my list, especially now it sounds like the worst of the glitches have been worked out.

Some of the Doctor Who Big Finish stuff. Technically I have listened to some already but I got distracted one time during a boring one because I insisted I wanted to go through Eight's stuff 'in order' (as much as that's possible :V) and then never returned for months. But! I will definitely get around to listening to more so I can finally understand why everyone who listens to Scherzo becomes a Scherzo blog for the next week. All I know so far is stuff about a sound monster and some messed up dynamics involving love and suicide...? Which sounds intriguing. So I guess rather than Big Finish stuff in general it's more I want to get far enough along in my listening to listen to Scherzo with all the context behind it.

[horsedadgeralt]

and broken as we are, still i want to try

When Geralt escorts Jaskier back to Oxenfurt to ensure his safe return, they have to stop at an inn for the night. A performance brings out things Jaskier has tried his hardest to keep secret from the Witcher.

cw: none wc: 4.3k tags: spoilers for season 2, post season 2, emotional h/c

I think we can all agree that season 2 left many things unsaid, so this is my attempt to make the boys talk it out.

Thank you to @sulkyshengshou​ for beta-reading ♥ You can also read it on AO3!

It felt good to be back on the road again, Jaskier found. They had been travelling for a few days now and as soon as they had left the walls of Kaer Morhen, it had felt as though a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders, like he could finally breathe again.

If Jaskier had had his way, he would have grabbed his possessions and ran as soon as Voleth Meir had been defeated; but the Witchers hadn’t let him, not without a horse, not when there’s still snow falling. And so he had stayed, wandering the castle each day and trying to keep himself busy writing poems and songs, though it just didn’t feel the same without his lute.

At night, after dinner, he would play the entertainer to at least attempt to bring some life back into the castle, to keep the grief at bay even for a few hours.

The Witchers were, luckily, an easy audience: singing, clapping, and stomping along, making the absence of his lute a little less noticeable. At least that he could do, at least that made him feel a little less useless.

But then Yennefer had decided to take Ciri back to the Temple of Melitele to train her with the help of Nenneke. Jaskier had already been halfway out of the door when Geralt had told him that he was going to take him home to Oxenfurt, insisting on travelling together so that he could be certain of the bard’s safe arrival.

‘Ah,’ Jaskier had thought, ‘what a lovely way to say that I was never needed in the first place.’

Why Geralt had even rescued him from prison he didn’t know, but all he wanted was for their journey to be over so that they could part ways again— for good this time. Every time he looked at Geralt, heard the familiar rhythm of hooves on the ground next to him, his heart ached.

Only a few months had passed since the Mountain, but it felt a lifetime away. Everything felt different, was different— hell, even Roach was gone, and whilst the new horse Geralt rode may have borne the same name, her personality was as dull as Valdo Marx’ music, no fire in her.

Fire.

That was another thing that was different. Fire used to mean warmth and life to Jaskier; it meant not freezing to death at night and being able to write songs until the horizon started turning pink again. Now though, it meant only one thing: fear.

The thought of coming near it was enough to twist his stomach. The one time Vesemir had asked him to grab a log and throw it in the fireplace to get dinner started, he had excused himself with some weak excuse about “having to ask Yennefer an important question” and nearly fainted on the way to his room, his heart beating so loudly in his ears that its echo was all he could hear for the next few hours. He hadn’t gotten any sleep that night, but then again, he rarely slept more than a few hours— Rience and the smell of burning flash appearing in front of him every time he closed his eyes.

Yennefer may have healed his skin but the wounds were still there, cutting deeply and causing him to slowly bleed out. He made sure not to show it though, putting on a mask for himself and the world, joking and laughing, fooling everyone, even Geralt. But he had long accepted that the Witcher didn’t care for him, probably never had, only bringing him along because Jaskier had been stuck to him like resin.

Jaskier’s thoughts were interrupted by a voice. It took a couple of seconds for him to realize that Geralt was talking to him.

“There’s a town just ahead, I suggest we try and find an inn for the night.”

He hadn’t even noticed that the horizon was already turning pink, shades of orange woven across it and making the sky glow. It was beautiful, but Geralt was right: they needed to find a place to sleep, so he nodded and marched on, looking forward to some warmth and hopefully dinner.

After a few more minutes of walking, they finally reached the town. It was small, only a few roads and houses that just so happened to be in the same place, and the inn was easy to find. They approached the innkeeper about a room for the night, a stable for Roach, and maybe some stew to fill their growling stomachs, and the man was more than eager to oblige.

“We rarely get travellers this time of year, so I’m happy about any sort of customer, even Witchers!” Geralt let out a slight growl at that, but the man didn’t seem frightened by him. As he handed Jaskier the key to their room he asked: “Aren’t you that bard? How about dinner and ale on the house for a few songs?”

Jaskier froze. Singing in Kaer Morhen had been one thing, but performing in front of a new crowd— He couldn’t, not without his lute, without anything to hold on to.

“I am so sorry to inform you that I do not have my lute with me, it got broken in a rather nasty… accident,” he said, flashing a charming smile and hoping that Geralt couldn’t hear his heart racing in his chest.

“I know that the Alderman’s wife still has one — she plays it occasionally and very badly at that — but I’m sure that someone of your talent could make do with it!”

Fuck.

The innkeeper looked at him with such eager eyes that Jaskier couldn’t refuse— he had a reputation to uphold after all, and so he agreed to play a few songs once he had had a chance to freshen up and eat.

He even asked for some ale to be brought to their room before they went upstairs, hoping that the alcohol would calm his nerves so that he didn’t make a complete fool of himself.

As they climbed up the stairs, Geralt paused for a moment and grabbed Jaskier by the shoulder. The bard could barely resist the urge to flinch as the other man asked, “Jaskier, are you alright?”

Jaskier chuckled. “Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be? And I even get to perform tonight, what more could a humble bard want!” He sounded cheery — as if nothing was wrong, as if it was just a conversation between two friends, as if Geralt’s touch hadn’t nearly brought him to his knees.

“Nothing,” the Witcher answered, seemingly satisfied as he let go and followed the narrow corridor to their room.

It was small but looked comfortable, with two beds in one corner, and a table with a chair and a stool in the other. There was a fire already crackling in the hearth and Jaskier made sure to stay as far away from it as possible when he grabbed the pitcher of water on the table. He poured it into the wooden bowl next to it to wash his face and as he dried his skin with the sleeve of his shirt he saw Geralt staring at him once more.

Jaskier chose to ignore it though, after all, brooding and staring was Geralt’s preferred method of communication. Then there was a knock at the door and dinner was served.

It was a mushroom stew, hearty and filling, and whilst the ale could have been fresher, it was enough to quiet down his thoughts. Geralt raised an eyebrow as Jaskier refilled his cup for the third time, who shrugged and said “I’m thirsty after this day of walking”. As he gulped it down, the warmth of the alcohol spread through his body. He wasn’t drunk — he would never go on stage like that — but he was calm, for the first time in gods knew how long.

They finished eating in silence. When he was done, Geralt got up and excused himself to the stables. “I need to take care of Roach and go see the local herbalist, see if I can maybe stock up on some supplies.” He walked to the door but paused, his hand already at the handle. “Good luck with your performance.” And then he was gone, stomping down the stairs and outside.

Jaskier sat there, puzzled. In all the years he had known the Witcher, travelled the Continent with him, he had not once wished him good luck before he went on stage. Did it mean anything? Did Geralt think he didn’t have it in him anymore? Jaskier was left clueless, but he didn’t have time to muse about it. He needed to prepare.

After a few vocal exercises — now he was starting to regret drinking all that ale, it always lay like a fog on his vocal chords — he headed downstairs to ask the innkeeper about the lute. A small crowd had already appeared, the word of his presence probably spreading like wildfire in the small town.

He was going to make sure those people went home with a smile on their face tonight. Life was grim enough already in these parts of the Continent, and he wanted to do for them what he had done for the Witchers.

The lute itself was, first of all, not broken. At that he let out a sigh of relief. All the strings were intact and though the wood wasn’t of the highest quality, the difference wouldn’t be noticeable to common folk.

As he ran his fingers down its body, it felt like a surge of lightning passed through his body. His mind may have been full of self-doubt, but his body, his fingers — they knew the movements and were eager to dance.

As he strung a chord, he felt — nothing. Well, not exactly nothing, the lute was so out of tune it made his ears hurt, but his fingers felt fine.

No pain, no burning, simply nothing.

Jaskier could have screamed, he could have kissed Yennefer for her healing skills, and had he been alone he would have let out the tears that were making his vision blur.

But he did none of those things. Instead he grabed the tuning fork that hung on a delicate golden chain around his neck and got to work. He hit the fork on the nearest table and held it next to his ear whilst plucking the first string, listening and twisting the peg until he was satisfied, repeating the process with every string until they were in tune, or at least close enough.

Then it was time.

He flashed his brightest smile as he yelled for everyone’s attention, walking to the front of the inn where the people had already created a semi-circle.

Time for Jaskier the Bard.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, if I could please have everyone’s attention…” All eyes were on him, and Jaskier had to admit that he had missed it, that feeling of entrancing a room. He played a few chords before settling on his first song. A classic, for old time’s sake.

 “You think you're safe without a care, but here in Posada, you'd be wise to beware…”

As soon as the first few words had left his mouth, the crowd was cheering and quickly joining in. This one was always hit or miss he found, either ending with rotten food or coins being thrown at him.

Today it was coins, and as he sung on and walked around the room, winking at an old lady who started blushing and hid her face in her hands, he felt alive.

Adrenaline coursed through his veins, but for once it was not because of fear. He felt a thrill in his body as he danced around the room: the blood rushing in his ears, his heart beating hard in his chest.

Once “You Think You’re Safe” was over he asked his audience for requests — “Nothing is off limits, folks, except songs from my beloathed colleague Valdo Marx.” — and they were more than happy to oblige, singing along with him as he played everything from “Ellaine Ettarial” to “The Fishmonger’s Daughter”.

As the evening went on and his fingers started getting tired, he decided to give the townfolk one more song before heading to bed. He didn’t know how late it was, and Geralt still wasn’t back from his errands, but his legs were aching from all the walking he had done today and he wanted nothing more than to lie down.

“Last one, people — if there’s one you absolutely want to hear, now’s your chance!”

At that, a tiny girl of maybe 6 years of age stepped forward, presumably hidden before behind her mother’s skirt. She had brown hair and eyes and was wearing a washed out grey dress, and she was the most adorable thing Jaskier had seen all week.

He crouched down to see eye to eye with her. “Yes, my lady?” he asked.

“I really like ‘Burn Butcher Burn’, my father always sings it when he’s working, can you play it?”

Jaskier froze. He wanted nothing more than to say no. The song was too personal, too painful with all that had happened, each word dripping with heartache and anger. But who was he to deny such a sweet request, and as his eyes darted around the room to verify that the Witcher truly wasn’t there, he stood back up and said: “Anything for you, my darling, and thank you everyone for your attention tonight, you have been absolutely wonderful!”

One last breath to gather himself before he let his fingers dance across the strings for the final time tonight.

 “What for do you yеarn? It's the point of no return. After еverything we did, we saw, you turned your back on me…”

His heart was pounding, and his voice was slightly off. The audience didn’t notice, simply clapping along, but inside Jaskier, his emotions were storming, the lyrics transporting him back to the Mountain, back to Geralt spitting venom and wishing that he would disappear from his life. He felt weak in this moment, but his voice was strong, carrying him and keeping him upright.

 “What for do you yearn? Watch that butcher burn! At the end of my days when I'm through, no word that I've written will ring quite as true as ‘Burn’...”

The people were howling, but Jaskier didn’t hear them. He was trapped, tied to a chair in a tavern in Oxenfurt, blood dripping from his mouth. There was silence, only interrupted by the sound of Rience’s steps as he walked around the room, circling Jaskier like a predator. And then there was screaming as he felt his skin bubbling, screaming until his voice was raw and Yennefer came in to save him.

And even now, Jaskier was still screaming:

 “Burn, butcher, burn; burn, butcher, burn; burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn…”

It was loud and it could barely be classified as singing anymore, but he didn’t care — for the first time he felt as though he could let out all of his hurt, could cleanse himself of feeling useless and frightened and small. He was screaming, and then he wasn’t.

“Watch me burn all the memories of you…”

He felt breathless as he said the words, almost whispering them, trying to stay grounded and not lose himself in the moment. When he was done, the audience erupted in cheers and applause, people coming up to thank him for his performance and putting a few coins into his pockets. As he smiled and thanked them, he saw a hooded figure walking up the stairs.

Geralt.

Shit.

Had he just returned? How much of the song had he heard, had he listened at all? Jaskier’s mind was racing and suddenly, he didn’t feel tired anymore. He just wanted to be far, far away, didn’t want to find out whether Geralt had been listening or not, because the Witcher had showed him time and time again that when it came down to it, he didn’t really care for him. And Jaskier could only handle so much rejection.

After drawing out collecting all the coins on the floor for as long as possible, and a short chat with the innkeeper who wouldn’t stop thanking him for tonight, Jaskier finally approached the stairs.

Each step took all his strength to climb, his legs so heavy as though his shoes were filled with stones. When he reached their door, he took a moment to gather himself. He straightened his shoulders, ran a hand through his hair and put on a smile. Then, he opened the door and stepped inside.

Geralt stood in front of his bed with his back turned to the door, rummaging around in one of his bags, the smell of dried herbs filling the room. Ah, so his trip to the local healer had been a success.

“You’re back!” he said, mimicking excitement. Gerald spun around and looked at him, his expression blank.

Jaskier felt queasy, the weight of Geralt’s gaze uncomfortable.

“What?” he asked, still trying to appear cheerful.

Geralt pursed his lips. He had taken off his armor and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, and though he seemed to be relaxed as he stood there, with his arms hanging loosely at his sides, Jaskier could feel that there was a tension to him, had felt it ever since he had entered the room.

“That song…” Geralt began, “...is it about me?”

“How much did you hear?”

The Witcher raised an eyebrow, and Jaskier knew what that meant.

“Maybe,” he answered, defiantly and yet defeated. He felt like a child, like he had been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do, and he hated it, hated how a single question from Geralt was enough to make him feel small, even ashamed.

He heard the Witcher sigh.

“I’m sorry, Jaskier.”

It sounded earnest, like Geralt really meant it. In another world, Jaskier may have believed him. In another world, he may have forgiven him. But in this world, it made him burn.

“No.”

“I—”

“I said no. You don’t get to apologize, not after everything that has happened.” It was like the gates had been opened and everything that he had been holding back since the Mountain was coming out, drowning and burning at the same time.

“Why are you still here, Geralt?” Jaskier shouted, but he didn’t wait for an answer.

“We both know that I’m of no fucking use to you! You abandoned me on top of that mountain and only came to rescue me from prison because you ‘needed my help’. But what good was I? Yennefer could have given that bloody stone to anyone, it didn’t matter that it was me!”

“Jaskier, please—”

“No, you don’t get to ‘Jaskier’ me. I got fucking tortured because of you, would have gotten my hand burned off if it hadn’t been for Yennefer of all people, and still I didn’t say anything because even though you made it very clear that you don’t care about me, I still care about you!”

He could see the shock in Geralt’s face, and it only made him angrier, only made him burn brighter.

“Oh you didn’t know? How would you, you never fucking ask and Yennefer healed my hand just fine, thank you very much. But you don’t get to say sorry after hearing my little song, because if that is the only reason why you’re doing it then you really didn’t care in the first place.”

He was yelling at this point, and he embraced it. He was on fire and he relished it, for once not scared of the flames that were everywhere, lighting up his entire body and keeping him alive as he bled, as he burned the way he had downstairs, screaming and shouting and telling the Butcher to go to hell.

His music was his shield and as he stood there, clenching the neck of his lute with so much force his knuckles turned white, he wished it would turn into a sword so that he could jam it into Geralt’s heart, break it the same way the Witcher had broken his.

“I still don’t know what pleases you because you never fucking talk to me, but I know it’s not this, not me. So good riddance, Geralt, I’ll make sure we never see each other again.”

Still burning, he turned to leave, no clear destination in mind, not even taking his bag with him. Just out, away from this man that only caused him heartache whenever their paths crossed.

But strong hands stopped him, grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him back around. Jaskier didn’t know how Geralt had crossed the distance between them so quickly, but he was very close now, so close that the bard could feel his breath.

“I’m sorry.” Even though the Witcher had said the same thing before, the words sounded different this time, with new feeling to them. Geralt looked truly heartbroken when he whispered them, barely loud enough to hear, and just like that, Jaskier was no longer burning.

The fire was gone, extinguished by the flood of tears that was making everything around him blur. They came so unexpectedly and with such force that Jaskier’s knees almost gave in, and he let out a sob. He felt his lute being taken from his hands and placed to the side, and then Geralt’s hands were on his shoulders once more, gently guiding him to the bed until he was sat on the edge of it.

The fire was gone and Jaskier wept for it, because what he was left with was nothing but pain once more, regret and hatred and longing for what they had had, because even though it had taken Geralt until now to say, Jaskier knew that he really was sorry.

“I wish I could hate you,” he said as his body was shaken by sobs, “I wish you had never apologized.”

Jaskier knew that he was losing himself in the moment, but it was too late — he was coming undone, each tear breaking off another piece of the walls he had erected around himself. It was worse than the torture, because this time, the pain was coming from the inside, and no one would be able to rescue him from that. No amount of stitches or magic could heal that wound.

He felt so lost and yet when Geralt took his hand into his, it was as though he was Jaskier’s lifeline, a map to guide him back into the presence and ground him.

Jaskier wiped away some of the tears with his other hand to be able to see Geralt clearly, but the sight in front of him was enough to cause him to well up once more.

Geralt was on his knees before him, eyes glazed and lips slightly parted. His hands were rough but warm, calloused from years of wielding a sword every day. The Witcher was staring at him, his expression blank like he was lost in thought. Then, he let out a shaky breath.

“I’m sorry,” he said once more. “I’m sorry,” he said as he carefully bowed his head to where their hands lay intertwined on top of Jaskier’s thighs.

“I’m sorry,” he said as his lips touched Jaskier’s pinky finger and he couldn’t help but flinch, the last time someone had touched him there still fresh on his mind. “I’m sorry,” Geralt said as he pressed his lips to Jaskier’s ring finger and then his middle finger, and the bard let out a sob. This was too much, too gentle, each kiss marking his skin.

“I’m sorry,” Geralt said as he kissed Jaskier’s thumb. The other man held his breath, preparing himself for what was to come. “I’m sorry,” Geralt said, and when his lips touched Jaskier’s index finger, he started crying again. How Geralt had known to save this one for last was a mystery to him, but he had, and Jaskier wondered if Yennefer had perhaps told the Witcher more than he had let on.

“I’m sor—” Geralt started to say once more, but Jaskier didn’t let him finish, instead dropping down to the ground and pulling the other man into a hug, burying his face in his shirt as he did so.

Geralt didn’t make another attempt to apologize and Jaskier was thankful for it, simply listening to the Witcher’s heartbeat as he held him close and let him cry, one hand caressing his hair and the other around his waist, pressing him tightly to his chest.

Here, he was safe. Here, in Geralt’s arms, the pain was at bay.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, how long it took for his tears to run dry and his breath to become even. But when he finally pulled back and looked at the other man who hadn’t moved an inch, still holding him close, Jaskier couldn’t help but smile.

And when Geralt smiled back, he felt warm. Jaskier knew that there were parts of him that had been lost for good, burned to ashes and blown away. But there was hope for him, hope that he could heal. And there was hope for them, that even though they couldn’t go back to the way things were, not after everything, even though there were still so many things to talk about, so many words unsaid, they could try to build something new, together.

tagging @herostag and @witchersgoldenbard​ ♥

[goldengoddess]

soooo the idea is a fic set during king of scars where the reader is nikolai's childhood best first and we stumble into his room one evening and we actually see him change into the demon and just absjajnsns

i am yours - nikolai lantsov

* KING OF SCARS & RULE OF WOLVES SPOILERS *

pairing: nikolai lantsov x reader

a/n: okay this is absolutely garbage rae i am so sorry pls forgive me,,, i KNOW this is not how nikolai’s demon works and he wouldn’t just like turn back but for the sake of this fic pls pretend <33333

for the lovley @wtfrae !!! i love u pls go read her work everyone <3

warnings: spoilers! some angst n like threat of violence but y’all know me, everything is good and happy by the end

nikolai had always been the one person you could turn to. since the two of you were kids, it had always been an unbreakable bond. something no one else seemed to understand. how to kids, tossed aside by their family, tested in every way possible, were able to find each other and bring out the best in one another. nikolai made you better, made you good.

life in ravka was never easy, it was a constant struggle. especially in the years leading up to nikolai’s reign. the two of you almost hadn’t made it out alive then, and while nikolai had been out fighting with alina in the fold, you had stayed at the spinning wheel helping the injured.

but when things finally settled down, alina and mal safe and away, nikolai had told you so many stories. the two of you had spent months apart. so out of nostalgia, every night you’d sneak into nikolai’s room and listen to your best friend tell you stories about everything. all the battles he’d fought along as sturmhond, what the battle against the darkling had looked like.

and even when nikolai ran out of stories, and you ran out of questions, you kept sneaking into his room to talk to him. he was the king of ravka, during the day he never even stopped to take a breath. but his nights were reserved for you. just so he could hear the sound of your voice before he was bound to his bed by chains.

nikolai loved you dearly, you were the only constant he had ever known. but he couldn’t bring himself to share what had happened to him during the battle with the darkling, what he’d become. instead, he told you the stories he told everyone else, how he was captured and tortured. it hurt him, to lie to you. but he couldn’t have you seeing him the way he saw himself, a monster. so even though lying to you pained him every night, he would do it to hear your excited questions and giggles as you snuck out of his room.

he always made sure you were gone before zoya came in. he wouldn’t be able to explain the drugging potion. or even worse, his horrible transformation into the demon that lived inside of him.

but secrets almost never stay secrets.

“saints nikolai,” you gasped, rushing off his bed to grab grab your coat, “it’s past midnight. i can’t be in here!”

nikolai sat up and looked out his window, you watched the color drain from his face. he cleared his throat and walked over to you, “you’re right you should probably go.”

you nodded and shuffled away from him, but before opening the door you paused. you turned back to the blonde haired boy, “nikolai?”

“yes sweetheart?” he answered, facing you.

“i could,” you hesitated, “i could sleep over. one night, i’m not saying tonight. just some night. i’ll sleep on the floor but, i spend all of my night here anyways. just like when we were kids.”

as nikolai slowly walked closer to you, you waited for his teasing remark and eventual acceptance. the two of you w had a sleepover since before he left ravka. of course it wouldn’t be the same, as he was now king, but he was your nikolai.

instead, he gently tucked a piece of your hair and kissed your forehead. “i don’t think that’s such a good idea sweetheart.”

your heart shattered at his words and his at the fact that he had to say them. there was nothing he wanted more. nothing that would bring him more peace than holding you in his arms until the sunrise. not just for a couple of hours right before bed, not having to pretend that everything he felt for you was strictly platonic.

“oh” you said defeatedly. “that, yeah that’s okay. i’ll see you tomorrow nikolai.” and with that you rushed out of the room.

later, as zoya gave nikolai genya and david’s potion to knock him out, all he could think about was the horrible look on your face.

at some point in the night you’d made the decision to go talk to nikolai. the two of you couldn’t go on like this, attempting to be way you have been before the darkling and alina while tip toeing around these new feelings you had for eachother.

but as you made your way to nikolai’s doors, hand on the doorknob, you heard a soft growl coming from inside. you covered your mouth with your hand to prevent a gasp from escaping your lips. you slowly turned the handle and stepped into the room.

on nikolai’s kingly bed was a dark giant looking demon. it’s wings were the color of the night sky seen in the window of the bed room. it took your breath away.

you pressed your back against the wall, trying to move back towards the door without making any noise. but the demon heard you and snapped it’s head in your direction.

every part of your body was screaming to run, to scream even. but something stopped you. the eyes. they stopped you. they were dark and pitch black but there was something familiar about them. not the color but the way they watched you. like they were trying to remember every single part of you just in case.

nikolai was the only person who you knew looked at you that way.

“nikolai?” you whispered to the monster.

the creature craned its neck to the side, similar to the confused head tilts that nikolai used to give you during lessons. you took a hesitant step forward, holding your hands up to show that you weren’t going to cause harm.

“nikolai” you tried again, with more conviction in your voice.

the creature let out a small growl as a response and you flinched away. at your movement it out a whine and moved away from you.

you shuffled closer, “hey no no i’m okay. nikolai?”

slowly, as you repeated your best friends name over and over, the creature became less beast and more man. slowly morphing into a messy set of blonde curls and body you’d hugged more times than you can recall. your nikolai.

he curled up in a ball and leaned his back against the end of his bed.

“nikolai” you attempted softly, falling to your knees in front of him.

he scrambled away to a corner of the room, “please. please leave. i’m begging.” his voice was raspy from misuse, thought the two of you had spoken only hours before.

“nikolai i’m not leaving, please explain to me. what was that?” you pleaded with him.

“that was nothing, now go. please please” he sobbed into his hands.

you crossed your arms over your chest in a stubborn gesture that he couldn’t even see, “you’re lying to me again! i’m not leaving until you explain what that was. why can’t you tell me the truth for once?”

“that was me!” he yelled as he lifted his head and met your eyes for the first time.

you let out a sigh of relief at the familiar hazel color of his eyes. you crossed your legs together, “that was you?”

“yes that was me. that is what the darkling did to me. now please,” he let out an exhausted sob “please leave sweetheart.”

you felt tears swelling in your own eyes at his voice. how broken he sounded. your nikolai never sounded so defeated. and if he ever felt that way, he had never shown you. you crawled over to him slowly and placed your hands on the sides of his face, rubbing away the tears.

“what are you doing” he whimpered and dropped his head into your hands, “i could hurt you. sweetheart, you have to go.”

“my nikolai” you whispered, pushing his damp hair away from his forehead.

he closed his eyes and you couldn’t tell if it was from anger, exhaustion, sadness, or a mix of all of it. “i cannot be yours. i’ve lied to you, i’m a demon, a monster. you can’t possibly want me to be yours.” he spit each word about himself as if it were venom, like the words ripped away a little bit of his humanity, or his confidence.

you shook your head and softly placed your forehead again his, still holding the sides of his face. “no. you’re my nikolai. you always will be.”

you placed two soft kisses on his cheeks, one on each side. “my” kiss, “nikolai,” another kiss.

“oh sweetheart, i am yours” he sighed and opened up his knees so you could fall into his embrace. “i am so sorry.”

“you should be” you mumbled into his chest. “what if you had died nikolai? and i wouldn’t have known what was happening to you until it was too late. i could have helped.”

he kissed the top of your head, still hesitantly. “im a fool, you can spend the rest of my life reminding me. i didn’t want to ruin this, us. it’s the last precious thing i have in my life.”

“we are still precious” you whispered and clung to his shirt like your life depended on it. “the same way you are still the nikolai i have always known, since childhood. you are still good. we will fix this.”

“and if we can’t?” he asked so softly that you almost couldn’t hear him.

“then i’ll have to get just as familiar with the demon as i am with you” you joked.

and the rumble of nikolai’s laughing chest told you that everything would be perfectly fine. demon and all, he was still your nikolai.

taglist;

@deardiarystuff @bookishcrows @kazsimp @vintagebitc @obiwansjedi @thegirlwiththeimpala @hybrid-in-progress @mrs-brekker15 @mrsbrekkers @simplyluvzuko @ode-to-joy @gallysonegoodlung @sixofshadowandbone @castielcouldbeasecretdentist @meiitanoia @caaarstairs @itisroe

if your name is in bold, it means i couldn’t tag you <3

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

[magicbystarlight]

One For Sorrow, Two For Joy - Hearing the News

*Bonus Content*

SPOILERS AHEAD!

If you’re reading the series and have not read Part Six yet, I suggest you do so first as this contains spoilers!

Series Masterlist

Summary: How you discovered what happened to your father and best friend.

Word Count: 824

Warnings: Care of injuries. Mentions of death.

HP Tag List: @bamboozledflamplant @charmingandfantasticfics

One For Sorrow, Two For Joy Taglist: @byelannie @sugasthreedollarkookie @bethanystan @maralisa124

March 18th, 1998

"You should have gone with Cho," Marietta said, rubbing the ointment into your back.

The searing pain made your reply short and raspy. "Then someone else would suffer."

She let out a disapproving breath before you heard her close the jar. "So what? You owe them nothing." She gently covered the fresh wounds with a clean cloth. Helping you stand and slip on a shirt, she looked overly distraught. "He's going to kill you one of these days."

"He won't. It'd cause more problems for him and his master. I can handle his punishments, but I won't subject someone else to them." You did your best to not flinch every time the shirt grazed your back, but there was no fooling her. She had seen it all from the beginning, the first welt followed by open wounds and nasty, never fully healed scars. You doubted there was a place on your back that was not marred in some way. She understood the dark magic that it took to cause them and the pain they inflicted.

But she stayed quiet, knowing that you’d continue to take the abuse. Welcoming it even. For every moment it took to punish you, was a moment he could not hurt someone else. One of the few times you had stayed quiet, a First Year spent three weeks in the hospital wing. Never again.

Hours of the night passed, but you weren’t able to sleep. Despite the months you’d endured at your uncle's hand, you hadn't grown used to the near debilitating pain. You laid in the dark, listening to the steady breathing of the only other roommate you had left as she slept peacefully. Audrey hadn't come back after break. Cho went into hiding in early February. Sarah, who you hadn't spent more than a couple of weeks away from for over six years, was on the run with Dad. It had become a lonely existence.

The door creaked open slowly and light trickled in from the hall. Your breath caught in your throat as you wondered what fresh hell awaited you. Maybe this time you could at least pass out from the pain and exhaustion. You tried to calm yourself, but every footstep deepened your anxiety. The person reached your bed and knelt beside it.

"Cho!" Your relief at seeing a friendly face quickly disappeared.

"We have to get you out of here. Now." She was quick to start gathering your belongings, putting what she could into your satchel.

"You know I can't." You lifted yourself off the bed, the pain leaving you gasping for air.

She didn't stop. "It's your dad. They know."

The DA room wasn't far from the common room and somehow you made it without being seen or crippling over. It looked completely different than it had two years before and housed dozens of students who probably had never even heard of our group.

Cho hadn't been able to tell you much. She only knew that Dad and Sarah had been traveling with a small group of other "Undesirables" and they had been found and attacked. She said you needed to talk to Seamus.

"I've been communicating with Dean through a scrap of paper we enchanted. 'Bout thirty minutes ago he told me they'd been attacked by Snatchers and he got separated from everyone. Said someone had called out to your dad by name when they ran and that we needed to get you to safety."

He had no other information, Dean hadn't responded since his warning. Cho found a space for you, one a little more private so she could help treat the lashes.

You waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing.

Your mind filled with regret and worry. You should have gone with them. You should have gone with them. Were they captured? You could have–should have–found another way to hide Sarah. Were they injured?

"You should sleep," Neville told you sometime after lunch. You should. How long had you been awake? Two days? But there was no hope for such an escape.

Cho brought dinner to your new bed. "You should eat."

"I'm not really hungry."

She pushed the plate into your hands. "Remember when Sarah was studying for O.W.L.S. and was skipping meals? Remember what you told her?"

If you don't eat, you won't be able to function properly. What good will that do you?

You conceded and nibbled on the fish and chips. In the background, the radio was turned to something everyone was calling Potterwatch. It sounded a lot like Lee Jordan.

You didn't pay much mind to what he had to say until the word death grabbed your full attention.

"...deaths that the Wizarding Wireless Network News and Daily Prophet don't think important enough to mention. It is with great regret that we inform our listeners of the murders of Ted Tonks, Dirk Cresswell, Sarah Cook, and Erasmus Carrow."

The plate slipped from your fingers and shattered.

Series Masterlist

Part Seven

[nol-an]

when our stars aligned || n. patrick

hello everyone! i’m super excited to finally be posting this slow burn, friends-to-lovers fic that has been in the works for almost a month now!

grab a drink and some snacks, this one’s 12.5k words (and not proofread oops)! as always, feedback is appreciated <3 enjoy!

__________

+ her

Your sweater-clad figure collapsed into your plush mattress as soon as you finished your last assignment for the day. After a hell week of university, you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your night de-stressing and indulging in the bottle of wine that had been calling your name since the beginning of the week. You wanted nothing more than to catch up on the Bachelorette —because who doesn’t love trash TV— and to coil yourself in blankets for the rest of the night. 

On the other hand, your best-friend-slash-roommate, Maya, had different plans. She was fully convinced that the only proper remedy to your school-induced slump was a night out on the town. However, you knew that Maya’s plans for you would really just result in you third-wheeling her and her boyfriend, Joel. You don’t even need to ask your friend to know that Joel would be coming along too because the two were a package deal. Although you don’t mind Joel and think he’s a wonderful match for your long-time friend, the last thing you need is to be awkwardly tagging along with the sometimes overly-affectionate couple.

After a back-and-forth negotiation that seemed to last hours, you finally agreed to Maya’s proposition after she offered to wash the dishes and take out the trash for the next two weeks. You still expressed that you wouldn’t be happy if you came across any Bachelorette spoilers while you were out with Maya and Joel, but eventually, your mind became occupied by thoughts of what to wear. Deciding not to think too much into your outfit, you settled for a Pittsburgh Penguins pullover and your comfiest pair of black jeans. You sprayed yourself with perfume and glanced in your mirror one last time before leaving your room with the hopes of returning to your tempting bed soon.

As Joel’s car pulled into the parking lot of your and Maya’s apartment complex, you soon noticed a figure in the passenger seat. Squinting to see if you recognized the man, all you could deduce was that he had long hair and florid cheeks. Turning to Maya in confusion, your best friend looked unbothered as a grin spread across her face at the sight of her boyfriend. You trailed behind her as she jogged towards Joel’s car. She promptly gave him a peck on his cheek before giving the stranger in the passenger seat a hug. Huh, so maybe he wasn’t a stranger after all.

It only took you a few seconds afterwards to realize what was going on.

You were going to kill Maya.

As if she read your mind, your best friend waved you over to the car. Deciding to play nice for the sake of Maya and her excitement, you plastered on your best I-don’t-want-to-be-here-but-you-don’t-know-that smile, and greeted the two guys.

“Y/N, this is Nolan, one of Joel’s friends,” Maya explained. “I know you said you didn’t wanna third wheel, so Joel and I, being the wonderful friends we are, took what you said to heart,” she laughed as she watched your smile twitch a little.

It always took you a while to warm up to strangers and being your best friend of three years, Maya knew you were going to give her an earful after the night was over. So, she figured she’d at least have some fun while she was at it. Your eyes sent daggers in her direction before you waved at Joel and stuck your hand out to greet Nolan.

Other than his small smile that you would’ve missed if you weren’t as observant, Nolan didn’t give much indication that he wanted to be here, either. Great. You couldn’t read his expressions, but you hoped to god that this night wouldn’t be as awkward as you think it’s going to be.

Shortly after the introductions, you and Nolan are squeezed into the back of Joel’s car as him and Maya bicker over who should get the aux. Rolling your eyes, you turn to Nolan, who looks quite amused at the couple’s antics. Figuring it wouldn’t hurt to break the ice, you attempted to start a conversation with Nolan.

“I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you’ve been stuck in the same space as Joel and Maya, either?” you joked.

He chuckled and angled his body a little closer towards you. “Unfortunately it’s not. If I’m being honest, this is not how I envisioned my Friday night going.”

Immediately processing his own words, a blush formed across his cheeks. “I- that’s not what I meant. I mean, I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, but Joel told me that we were getting food with Maya. I didn’t know this,” he used his right hand to gesture around the car, “was his actual plan,” he explained.

You couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped your lips, your eyes glinting with amusement. “I’m in the same boat. No one mentioned that you were coming, but honestly, I’m glad I’m not third-wheeling because I wanna puke every time they get too lovey-dovey.”

Nolan nodded in agreement, “You know what, Y/N? I think we’re gonna get along just fine.”

Relieved that Nolan was a lot less intimidating than you initially thought, you agreed with his comment and thanked the gods that this night was starting to look up.

“But there is one issue,” Nolan spoke up.

Your raised eyebrows cued him to speak again.

“I don’t know how I feel about that Pens sweatshirt of yours.”

+ him

“Dude, what the fuck are you doing?” an amused Kevin Hayes emerged from his room. He’d been living with Nolan for quite some time now, but the last thing he expected was to wake up to the sight of his roommate organizing their apartment, dust swiffer and all. There was even a vase of fresh flowers that Kevin sure as hell didn’t buy or remember seeing last night.

“Isn’t it fucking obvious, Hayesy? I’m cleaning the place,” Nolan deadpanned.

“Ok firstly, no shit. I was hoping you’d explain why you’re cleaning. I didn’t even know we had this much cleaning supplies,” Kevin quipped back, glancing over at the array of window and wood cleaner that was haphazardly strewn across the kitchen counter.

“Y/N is coming over,” Nolan curtly responded. He didn’t need to turn his focus away from scrubbing away the stove top’s stains to know that his roommate had a shit-eating grin on his face.

“I thought you said the two of you were just friends?”

“Can’t friends hang out?” Nolan retaliated.

“Sure, they can. But why are you disinfecting this whole place? Teeks comes over all the time and you never do this for him,” Kevin pointed out. He knew Nolan enough to know that you weren’t “just a friend.” Nolan talked about you way too much for that to be the case.

“It’s the first time she’s coming over. I just don’t want her thinking we live in a pigsty,” Nolan started, “which is gonna be a little difficult considering you leave your shit all around the place. Plus, don’t act like you’ve never cleaned the place up when you’ve had someone over.”

Kevin was having a little too much fun messing with Nolan. “Okay, first of all, that was one time. And it was for a girl I liked,” Kevin enunciated his last word.

Nolan knew Kevin had a point, but he’d be damned if he let Hayesy know that. Nevertheless, Nolan’s silence gave it away, and that was all Kevin needed to rest his case.

“Deny your feelings all you want, but I know you like her — even if you don’t even know it yourself. Don’t be surprised when I say ‘I-told-you-so,’” Kevin laughed as he headed towards the front door. “m’Gonna head out, but text me if you need anything. Maybe confess your feelings for Y/N while you’re at it.”

Nolan flipped off his roommate. Sometimes he was sure that Kevin was a middle-schooler trapped in a grown man’s body. Why couldn’t you and him be friends without feelings being involved? Nolan was sure you only saw him in a platonic light and he was perfectly fine with that. If anything, he was glad to have met you — in the few months you’ve been in his life, you’ve become a breath of fresh air from his circle of Flyers friends. Sure, he didn’t think the two of you would talk again after the little number that Maya and Joel pulled, but he was glad that his friendship with you bloomed. Not only was he glad to know someone else to tolerate Maya and Joel’s shenanigans with, but he enjoyed how you made him feel like he didn’t have to maintain any facade. Your welcoming aura appreciated Nolan as the goofy, indie music-obsessed Winnipeg native — not a Flyers centerman who was more often than not, under the microscope of Philly and NHL media. He was perfectly content with the friendship and appreciated the soothing presence you offered. Wasn’t that enough of an indication that the two of you were just friends?

Within the next twenty minutes, three knocks on the door vibrated through the apartment, and Nolan rushed to the door to greet you. A smile gleamed on your face and you greeted Nolan with a hug. Although it was your first time hanging out at Nolan’s place — the two of you usually stuck to more public locations — nothing about the exchange was awkward and for that, Nolan was extremely thankful. He knew his quiet demeanor could sometimes scare people away, but you didn’t seem to mind it. Instead, you were patient with him and understood that the two of you would become more comfortable around each other as time wore on.

After setting your bag down on the key table, you casually dove into a story about how you nearly couldn’t make it to Nolan’s apartment because you were convinced you lost your keys.

It was nice, nothing felt stiff and Nolan was relieved that the two of you were able to skip the formalities that usually occur when someone visits for the first time.

Once you wrapped up your story, you finally took the chance to look around Nolan’s home. From the look on your face, Nolan knew you were expecting the place to look different. Whether or not that look was a good thing, however, he wasn’t sure.

“Nols, if I’m gonna be honest here, I was not expecting you and Kevin to have such an organized place,” you laughed, your light-hearted tone indicating that you meant it in the nicest way possible.

Releasing the breath he was holding, Nolan chuckled a bit. “Well, don’t get used to it. It’s only this clean like once a month,” he laughed while scratching the back of his neck. He almost contemplated telling you all the trouble he went through to make sure the apartment was clean for you, but a nagging voice in the back of his head told him not to. Probably a good call. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Yea, water would be great,” you sat on one of the kitchen’s bar stools and watched Nolan pad over to the fridge. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing as you peered into the relatively empty fridge.

The hockey player rolled a chilled water bottle over to you, perplexed by your reaction. “If you have something to say, say it to my face,” Nolan attempted to intimidatingly say. His cheery voice and sheepish smile gave away his tough-guy act, though.

“Just wondering how you have like three things in your fridge. What are you supposed to make with two carrots and eggs?” you chuckled.

Nolan feigned offense. “I’ll have you know that my ultra-busy schedule doesn’t let me go grocery shopping much. You should be honored that I was able to fit you into my agenda.” It wasn’t a lie that time didn’t permit Nolan to go shopping for food often, but he knew that if you wanted to hang, he would’ve found a way to make it work. But that’s normal, right? Friends can be excited to hang out with friends, right?

“So I’m guessing your pantry is just as bad?” you inquired.

“Ever the detective, Y/N,” Nolan confirmed. He opened the pantry door, gesturing to the several empty shelves.

Seconds later, the two of you got into a conversation about your favorite snacks. Nolan wasn’t sure how he found so much entertainment from talking about cookies and chips, but he wasn’t complaining. The discussion eventually moved over to the living space of the apartment, where you and Nolan settled on watching “How to Get Away With Murder” before promptly resuming your increasingly-heated debate on the best snacks.

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore, Nols. How could you possibly like goldfish more than cheez-its?” you seriously questioned.

“They’re the superior snack, can’t do anything about that. That’s like asking me to choose between indie and country music, no competition,” Nolan shrugged.

Promising Nolan that you’d one day convince him otherwise, you let the conversation slowly fade out as the show started. The next few hours passed by in a blur. There were some side-conversations here, and there, but the two of you were mainly focused on the show and enjoying each other’s presence.

You’re not sure when it happened, but you and Nolan started sharing the same blanket. Minutes later, you were curled into his side, your head resting lightly on his right shoulder. You were so close to him that you could feel his body rumble with laughter every time you made a witty comment. Despite the position the two of you were in, things didn’t go further than that. You didn’t think much of it and based on Nolan’s concentration on the show, it didn’t seem like he gave it much thought, either.

It was nice. More than nice, really. You became so comfortable that you had to keep yourself from dozing off. Every once in a while, Nolan’s hand would play with your hair, his gentle movements nearly lulling you to sleep.

Eventually, you two found a good stopping point and you told Nolan that you should start heading home, not wanting to overstay your visit. Although Nolan protested, you insisted that you would definitely find another time to see him soon and that he should hang out with Kevin, who had gotten home just a few minutes ago.

“Text me when you get home, alright?”

“Yea, of course. Don’t watch any episodes without me, okay?” you said, sticking out your pinky to make Nolan promise.

“Only if you bring over some of your homemade chocolate-chip cookies that you talked about earlier,” he bargained.

“Deal,” you waved goodbye to Nolan one last time before slipping out the door. “Tell Hayesy I said hi,” you hollered from down the hall.

Speaking of the devil himself, Kevin walked over to Nolan once he shut the door. Before Kevin could even wipe the smirk off his face, Nolan stopped him.

“Just friends, Hayesy,” Nolan reaffirmed.

+ him

Another few months passed on, and everything proceeded as normal. You and Nolan’s bond inevitably grew, and he could confidently call you one of his best friends. You two made an effort to hang out at least every other week, and your plans ranged from short weekend getaways to study sessions where Nolan attempted to help you cram for tests. Nolan loved every second he spent with you, and he was more than grateful that Maya and Joel had introduced you to him. Eventually, the hang-out regimen that you and Nolan had developed started wavering as the universe had different plans for you two. You had totally forgotten about a major ten page paper you had to do and with the season starting soon, Nolan was back to practices and workout sessions nearly every day.

You two texted and FaceTimed, though, so not all was a lost cause. Especially for Nolan, it felt as if he was spending every minute of his free time talking to or texting you — not that he minded it, anyway. The text conversations were always light-hearted and mostly consisted of funny tweets and song recommendations. Even when you and Nolan called, your minds that were typically flooded with thoughts of school or hockey became more relaxed upon hearing the other’s voice.

After wrapping up a morning skate with Travis, Nolan checked his phones for any notifications.

Hayesy: Y/N is here. Not sure why but she was looking for you.

With panicked eyes, Nolan tried to think of all of the reasons why you’d be at his apartment. The blood nearly drained out of his face at the thought of making plans with you and accidentally forgetting, but he reassured himself that there was no way that was the case.

Is she okay???? Nolan quickly texted before running into the showers.

Nolan had never showered and changed that quickly, and he was almost positive that he put his shirt on backwards as he ran to his car. He mentally cursed Kevin, who for some reason thought it was acceptable to send him a cryptic text about you without any follow-up. You were usually good about texting Nolan about any updates to your life, so Nolan couldn’t help when his mind started conjuring worst-case scenarios.

Once Nolan got to his apartment complex, he sprinted up dozens of flights of stairs thinking that they’d be faster than the elevator. However, coupled with his growing soreness from his earlier workout, each step on the stairs sent rays of pain through his legs and a regret for thinking the stairs would be a good idea.

After it felt like he had run a marathon, the hockey player finally reached his door. He frustratingly searched for his keys, hoping to god you were okay.

Nolan swung the door open with so much force that he was almost sure he’d have to tighten the screws on its hinges. “Y/N?” Nolan called. His frantic eyes searched for your figure, but he was instead met with the sight of his roommate.

“You just missed her,” Kevin replied from the kitchen. In his hand was what looked like a cookie, and behind him was at least three grocery bags. “I told her to stay because I figured you’d be home soon, but she seemed like she was in a rush. Something about a paper she had,” Kevin elaborated, his mouth full of the cookies. “Did you run here from the rink or something? You look like shit,” Hayesy jokingly noted.

Nolan rolled his eyes at his roommate and sighed, genuinely relieved to know that you were alright. As soon as any of the fears of you being hurt left his system, Nolan started thinking about how he would’ve been able to see you had Travis not persuaded him to run extra drills. It had felt like centuries since he last saw you, and seeing you even just for a second would have undoubtedly made his day better. Dammit, Travis.

Deciding he didn’t want to endure any of Kevin’s teasing, Nolan suppressed his disappointment and tried to subtly get more details out of his roommate.

“She didn’t text me about coming over. What did she need?”

“Well, after making fun of us for our empty fridge and pantry, she said gave me all of these bags,” Kevin gestured to the bags behind him. “Said she visited a grocery store nearby and figured she could get some stuff for us, too,” he continued.

A smile graced Nolan’s face as he recalled the conversation you and he shared about his grocery shopping (or lack thereof) habits.

“She also brought over these cookies she made, but I think I’m gonna have to take these for myself,” Kevin grinned, reaching for another cookie from the tupperware container. “Why do my ‘just-friends’ never bake me cookies?” he nearly moaned at the taste of the treats.

“Maybe because you have no restraint and eat cookies that are meant for your roommate, you jerk,” Nolan remarked.

“Hey, I was being nice by telling you she brought these cookies over. If I really wanted to, I could’ve hid these. You can have a bite, though,” he stuck out his already half-eaten cookie in front of Nolan’s face.

Flipping Kevin off, Nolan walked over to the counter with the bags. Pulling out their contents, he slowly started placing everything in the pantry and fridge. In the second bag, he found a box of cheez-its with a small piece of paper tacked on the top.

Doing you a favor by buying you these, no need to thank me. Miss ya lots <3

Under the message, your name was messily etched onto the lined paper along with a smiley face. Nolan could almost hear your feigned-snarkiness through your note.

Once all of the groceries were put away, Nolan returned to his room. He immediately plugged in his phone before pressing your name under his FaceTime contacts. It only took a couple of rings before you picked up. Your hair was in a loose ponytail, large glasses covering your face. You looked exhausted from the stress you were undoubtedly experiencing because of your soon-to-be-due paper, but your positive personality radiated through Nolan’s phone screen nonetheless.

“Should I feel guilty that my snack collection was so pathetic that a busy college student felt compelled to take time out of their day to buy me food?” Nolan joked.

“I felt guilty that we had been friends for months before I found out that your pantry was that pathetic,” you laughed. “But seriously, don’t worry about it. I was in the area and I know you’ve been super busy recently so I figured I could help you out. The cheez-its were the first thing I saw in the store and I thought of you and that conversation we had when I came to your place for the first time,” you sheepishly responded.

Every few seconds, your eyes would dart back to your laptop, where you were taking notes. Nolan knew that you would never want him to think that he was calling you at a bad time, but the laptop’s reflections on your glasses gave away your act. Of course he felt bad, but he was momentarily distracted by the warm feeling that overcame him. It was such a sweet gesture, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t get butterflies at the sound of your confession.

“Y/N you didn’t have to do this, but I really appreciate it. Thanks for the cookies, too. Pretty sure Hayesy destroyed half of the container before I even got home,” Nolan laughed.

“Oh, gosh,” you started, “in hindsight I probably should’ve texted you to let you know I was coming over, but I wanted to surprise you.”

Upon hearing you words, Nolan’s beaming smile grew impossibly wider. And to his dismay, the butterflies came back for a second time.

“Hey, I gotta go but I promise I’ll text you soon. My prof is out for blood with this assignment,” you groaned. “Maybe we can do dinner at your place now that you have more than two things in your fridge.”

Nolan laughed off your banter and nodded in agreement. He felt like a giddy school girl. “Yea, yea of course. We can pick up on ‘How to Get Away With Murder’ while we’re at it.”

“It’s a date,” you flashed him a thumbs up. “Oh, and I think your shirt’s on backwards,” you giggled and tugged at the collar of your own sweater to emphasize your point. Luckily for Nolan, you hung up before you could see his embarrassed expression.

Had it not been for the fact that you called your upcoming plans with Nolan a “date,” he would have cared more about his shirt issue. But, here he was laying in his bed and already counting down the days until he’d get to see you again.

He knew you meant it as a friend date, but could you blame him for envisioning what it’d be like to go on a romantic date with you? He wanted to bake homemade cookies with you, run his fingers through your hair when you were stressed from school, and become consumed in pointless conversations about anything and everything with you. Hell, he even wanted to help you proofread your school papers, even if he’d have no idea what the fuck the Pygmalion Effect is. He adored so many things about you and was more than willing to jump through hoops and hurdles if it meant he could be your source of happiness and support.

And that’s when Nolan knew he was in trouble. He had never let his mind drift this far, and he usually had enough self-restraint to stop himself from envisioning you as his girlfriend. He knew he needed to stop before he dug a hole for himself that he wouldn’t be able to get out of. But if he was being honest, Nolan quite liked the warm feeling he had from the thought of calling you his.

Oh god.

Nolan was so far gone for you. Kevin knew it, his teammates probably knew it from the dozens of times he managed to bring you up in conversations, and now he certainly knew it for himself. What he didn’t know, however, was if you felt the same feeling of anticipation in the pit of your stomach at the thought of being more than just friends.

+ her

After your FaceTime call with Nolan, you finally gathered enough motivation to finish your paper. You weren’t sure if it was because of your excitement to see Nolan or because you were sick of staring at your screen, but you were nonetheless relieved when you sent off the finalized version of your work.

The two of you eventually settled on meeting at his place on Saturday night, which was only a couple of days away.

If you were being frank with yourself, you knew that you were catching feelings for Nolan, but how could you not? He has immaculate music taste, is a great listener, and always knows the best ways to make your off-days better. Not long after you met him for the first time, you had a feeling that it wouldn’t take long for you to want a more-than-friends relationship with him. In fact, it was frightening to acknowledge how much better your life has been now that Nolan is involved. You were a little embarrassed that he was able to sweep you off your feet as quickly as he did, but you couldn’t control how you felt. Well, that’s at least what you kept telling yourself.

You weren’t entirely sure how to deal with your feelings for Nolan. You relied on familiarity and stability in your life, and if Nolan didn’t reciprocate your feelings towards him, there was no doubt all hell would break loose — at least for you. Per every rom-com you’ve ever watched, you were fully aware that unrequited feelings, in most cases, was a one-way ticket to a doomed and awkward friendship. If confessing your feelings towards an indifferent Nolan meant that your friendship with him would be jeopardized, you would gladly keep your thoughts to yourself.

It was hard, though. Sometimes he treated you like you were the only person in the room, and other times, it felt pretty clear that he only saw you in an extremely platonic light. Of course none of your friends could tell the difference between your interactions with the centerman because they always teased the two of you about needing to finally date each other. However, his mixed-signals convinced you that you had a chance with him on some nights and that you were overthinking everything the next.

As much as you wanted to tell Maya about your dilemma, you knew that she was terrible at keeping secrets. In any other circumstance, you would’ve told her that you liked someone the minute you found out. However, considering how her boyfriend’s a teammate of Nolan, it would have been game over if Joel knew. As much as he prided himself on having a tighter seal on secrets than Maya, he wasn’t much of an improvement from your best friend. You considered telling your other friends because you desperately needed someone to vent-out your feelings to, but you didn’t have the energy to explain how you ended up being wrapped around the fingers of a Philadelphia Flyers player.

So, here you were, in bed and confused. You were counting down the days until you’d get to see Nolan again, but you also wish you had more time to figure out what to do about your feelings. Part of you told you that you could handle pushing away your emotions for the few hours you would be with Nolan. The other (and more obnoxious) part of your brain, though, sent blaring red sirens through your body at the thought of your Plan A. It warned you that internalizing your feelings was a terrible idea and that no matter how tempting it would be to pretend like you weren’t falling for Nolan, maybe it’d be better to just rip off the bandaid and tell him.

You went back and forth between your two plans and were sure that if anyone could take a look into your brain, they would be faced with thoughts that were racing around at a million miles per hour. (And they’d probably  have pity on you.)

As if someone was witnessing your inner turmoil fetter within you in real time, it seemed like your prayers for more time were answered when you fell ill with a cold Saturday morning.

Sure, it wasn’t ideal. You sure as hell were not enjoying your congestion and occasional chills, but at least you had plenty of time to sort things out. It was disappointing to know that you wouldn’t get to see Nolan, but he was extremely understanding of your issue. He reassured you that you shouldn’t feel guilty for bailing, especially since you were sick. He even made you promise that you would get plenty of rest and that you wouldn’t apologize for something you couldn’t control.

With those words from Nolan, you took your promise to heart and slipped into a much-needed slumber.

+ him

“So, Patty, care to explain to Teeks what you were planning to use these candles for?” Hayesy teased as he plucked a tealight candle from its spot on the kitchen table.

Kevin knew you and Nolan had made plans for dinner, and he also happened to know that Nolan finally came to terms with his feelings for you. As much as he chirped the younger hockey player, he was glad that Nolan wasn’t beating around the bush anymore. Kevin adored you and had no doubt that you were a perfect match for his friend.

Travis, on the other hand, looked extremely confused. With furrowed eyebrows, he shifted his focus from the television to Nolan, who was sending death glares at his roommate.

“Well, I, um-” Nolan was cut off by Kevin.

“Patty here was gonna have a super-romantic, candle-lit dinner with the girl he’s been pining over for ages,” Kevin excitedly cut to the chase. If a bystander didn’t know any better, they’d think that Kevin was more ecstatic about the dinner than Nolan.

Those words definitely caught Travis’ attention. He got up from his spot from the couch and joined his two friends in the kitchen. “Wow, Pats,” he playfully shoved his friend's shoulder, “took you long enough. Was fully convinced I was gonna have to do something about your weak game.”

Nolan’s eyes widened upon hearing TK’s comments. Was he really that obvious?

He could barely comprehend his feelings for you just a couple of days ago, and he definitely didn’t tell Travis about these newly-discovered feelings yet. He didn’t even plan to tell Kevin about it. He fully intended to have you be the first to know, but Kevin managed to get Nolan to crack.

“Ok, fuck off,” Nolan mumbled. Sure, he was a little slow at realizing his feelings, but better late than never. “Y/N was supposed to come over for dinner tonight, but she’s sick,” Nolan explained. He purposefully left out the fact that he was toying with the idea of confessing his feelings for you after the now-cancelled dinner.

“Oh shit,” Travis was the first to speak up.

“Does that mean you’ll be cooking for us instead?” Kevin added, wiggling his eyebrows towards Nolan and fist-bumping Travis.

“No, I don’t know what it means, but I can tell you right now that there is no way in hell I’m cooking for you two slobs.” Nolan replied. “I was thinking of bringing soup over to her place as a surprise or something.”

At that, both Travis and Kevin’s faces told Nolan that they needed him to elaborate.

“What? She told me that she was craving soup, and Maya is on that road trip with Joel so I figured…” Nolan’s voice gradually decreased in volume.

Travis was the first to interject, “I, for one, think that’s a great idea. Gotta roll with the punches, you know?”

Of course, no conversation between the three guys would be completed without Kevin’s incessant teasing. “We can barely tolerate you when we’re fully healthy — what makes you think Y/N is gonna want to see you while she’s sick?” he chuckled.

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Nolan groaned.

“You know you love me,” Hayesey playfully blew a kiss in Nolan’s direction. “Here, let TK and me help you with the soup. We gotta make sure it doesn’t make Y/N feel worse than she already does,” he suggested.

+ him & her

Staying true to his words, Kevin made sure Nolan’s attempt at making homemade soup went smoothly. After getting a thumbs-up from both of his teammates, Nolan filled some soup containers up and headed over to your place. He opted out from texting you about his arrival just in case you were sleeping and banked on the possibility that you still had a spare key under the small flower pot in front of your door.

Although Nolan nagged you for the key placement and insisted that it was a terrible hiding place for a key, he was grateful that it was still there when he arrived to your apartment’s door. Quietly letting himself in, he set the soup on the kitchen island before softly calling your name.

He quietly treaded to your room, which he’d only been in twice out of the dozens of times he had come over. Once he poked his head into your bedroom, he couldn’t stop his heart from overflowing with adoration for you. You were swaddled in a mountain of pillows and blankets. Your soft snores flowed through the room, and your messy hair partially covered your content face. You looked like you were at peace, and Nolan was glad to see that you were resting up.

The sight of you filled him with joy and he silently thanked his past-self for not calling and waking you up. Snapping himself out of his trance, Nolan had to remind himself that he was probably being extremely creepy. You probably wouldn’t let him live it down if you caught him, and he knew he wouldn’t have any excuse for his compromising position. Well, other than the fact that he was hopelessly falling for you and that everything you did made his feelings for you increasingly clear.

With it being close to dinnertime, Nolan figured that it wouldn’t be much longer until you woke up. He returned back into the living space of your apartment and found a comfortable place on the suede couch as he waited.

Sure enough, 15 minutes later, you emerged from your bedroom. “Nolan?” you softly murmured. The two syllables were coated in drowsiness, and Nolan swore he would’ve done anything to hear you utter his name like that again.

He looked up from his phone and suddenly had to remind himself how to breathe.

You were wrapped in a wool blanket, but a sliver of your sweater peaked out from the part where your blanket couldn’t fully cover. He’d recognize the black and orange pattern anywhere, but what stuck out to him was the “19” that was spread across the corner of your sweatshirt. Well, it was actually his sweatshirt if he wanted to get technical. His heart was beating out of his chest at the sight of you wearing his clothes and if he wasn’t sure if he was falling in love with you before, he was definitely sure now.

“I-, hi, Y/N. M’sorry for coming over like this, but I knew you said you wanted soup, and my mom has the really great chicken noodle soup recipe, and Teeks and Hayesy even helped me even though I’m not really sure if that was the best idea because Teeks almost mistook cinnamon for cayenne but-” Nolan started to ramble. He wasn’t sure why he was so flustered. It was the first time he’d gone out of his way this much for a girl and he was subconsciously stalling just in case you might’ve perceived his act of kindness as something that was way too creepy and something that supposed just-friends don’t do.

“Nols,” you started, “that’s so sweet of you, but you didn’t have to do that! I could’ve just sent for an UberEats so you wouldn’t have had to go through all of that trouble for me.”

Nolan wanted to stop you and let you know that he’d swim across the Atlantic Ocean for you. However, he settled for something a little less revealing. “Don’t worry, Y/N, I promise I wanted to do this. Plus if I didn’t, how would I have gotten to see you wearing my number?” he smirked.

Your gaze slowly descended to your body, where you were in fact wearing Nolan’s sweater. He forgot to take it home the last time he was over at your place, and you couldn’t help that it looked extremely comfy. A rush of blood and warmth flooded through your face. “I started wearing it because I missed you and it smells like your cologne,” you cringed for including that last detail, “but it’s actually so soft and I don’t think I’ll be returning this,” you tightened the blanket around you to emphasize your point.

Were you trying to kill Nolan? His brain was overloaded with emotions and this was probably the nail in the coffin. This was it for him. In the few seconds following your explanation, he knew he’d do everything in his power to get to see you like this for the rest of his life. He was sure a younger version of himself would’ve laughed at him for being so dramatic, but he also knew that his younger-self hadn’t met you yet.

“You pull off the sweater better than I do, so you can keep it,” he cheekily smiled. His eyes couldn’t decide if they’d rather look at your sleep-pampered face or his sweatshirt that engulfed you.

“What rom-com movie did you pull that line from?” you chuckled.

He dramatically gasped, “I’m truly offended.” He also took note of how you’ve been standing in the same place for minutes, “Also, why are you standing so far away? Promise I don’t bite,” Nolan joked while he reached out in your direction with grabby hands.

“I don’t wanna get you sick. Don’t know how your coach would feel if you caught the cold with the season so close,” you reasoned with a playful tone.

“That’s a later problem. Please c’mere, I missed you too much,” his eyes pleaded with yours. How could you say no when he had that look on his face?

You hesitatingly approached Nolan, still trying to keep your distance from him. You genuinely didn’t want to get him sick, but you were also still deciding about whether or not you wanted to bury away your feelings for him or let him know what was on your mind. You weren’t expecting Nolan to come over, and you were now wishing that you spent some of your snooze time on sorting out your Nolan dilemma.

Taking a few strides forward, you reached the coffee table that was only a meter or so away from Nolan. Apparently that distance was still too far for Nolan, though, because he grabbed for your hand and tugged you into his body. His scent instantly overcame your senses and you promptly relaxed into his hold. Your body was awkwardly positioned over his but his tight grip on you, which shifted down to your hips, gave no sign that Nolan wanted you to get off of him. With this signal, you repositioned yourself so each of your legs found a home on either side of his lap. His arms wrapped around your body, and your chest was pressed against his as you nuzzled your head between the junction of his neck and shoulder.

For a while, neither of you said anything. It was a serene moment and truthfully, neither of you needed to exchange words to express how much you both cared for one another. There was no better way to make up for lost time than to fully appreciate the other’s presence, and neither of you were in a rush to get out of the situation that you two were in.

Occasionally, Nolan would pepper kisses along your hairline and twirl your hair along his fingers. Praying that you couldn’t feel how fast his heart was beating, he tried his best to calm the thoughts that were incessantly running through his mind. Nolan never wanted this delicate moment to end for multiple reasons. Perhaps the biggest reason, though, was because he was trying to formulate the right way to tell you how he felt about you. He wasn’t sure if he’d find a more perfect time than this one, and he wanted to make sure that everything he was going to say to you would properly express how much he cared for you and wanted you in his life as a more-than-friend.

Another few moments passed before he finally mustered up the courage to break the silence.

“I love you,” he breathed out.

He waited for your response, but was only met with a deafening silence. Unfortunately for Nolan, he never got to see your reaction to his confession because your drowsy state seemed to pull you into another sleeping trance just as quickly as Nolan spoke the three words.

+ her

Following the night that Nolan had come over to bring you soup, the two of you became a lot more physically affectionate. Whether it was cuddles on your couch or hugs that lingered for a little too long, you knew you were chartering into dangerous territory. You didn’t treat any of your guy friends in the same way you did Nolan, and somewhere along the road, you knew this shift in dynamic was precariously dancing between the line of platonic and romantic.

Maya and Joel picked up on it, too. Nearly every chance they got, the two attempted to get you or Nolan to finally confess that things had changed. They were never successful, however. Nolan would always brush off Joel’s inquiries and play off the situation. As for yourself, you ultimately decided to keep your feelings to yourself, too scared to lose the special connection you had with Nolan.

You had done a decent job of keeping your feelings locked away in the depths of your heart until the season opener for the Flyers.

Nolan had asked you to go, and as much as you would love nothing more than to root on your best friend, you were called into work at the last minute. You tried your best to see if any of your other co-workers could pick up the shift, but you were stuck watching the game from your phone as you begrudgingly got through your shift. You couldn’t forget the way Nolan’s excited expression fell after you told him you couldn’t make it and even though your shift was scheduled to end during the game’s third period, there was no way you would have made it to the Wells Fargo Center in time.

After your shift, you took out your phone and swiped through your friend’s SnapChat stories. Since Maya went to the game to support Joel, you had the apartment to yourself. Clicking on your best friend’s name on the app, you smiled as you watched the video that she’d put on her story. The Flyers clinched their first win for the season, and based on Maya’s story, it looked like everyone had gone to a nearby bar to celebrate. Despite the fact that her story was a video of Joel, that’s not what caught your attention.

Instead, it was the sight of a man in the background, his arms draped around a girl who was cozily perched upon his lap. His chin was resting on her shoulder, and you knew from the unmistakable rosy cheeks that the man was Nolan. Although the image lasted no more than a few seconds as the frame of Maya’s camera moved, you suddenly felt yourself become nauseous. Your fingers moved by themselves, torturing you as you watched the video over and over again to make sure you weren’t playing mind games on yourself.

You weren’t sure how to react. A mix of hurt and jealousy swarmed your body, sending shivers of confusion through it. You knew you had no right to be so upset. After all, Nolan and you never had a conversation about where you two stood. You two were still just friends — even though you’ve known for a while that your interactions with Nolan have meant much more to you than you’d let on. For all you knew, you could have been mistaking Nolan’s physical affection for something more. For all you knew, the physical affection never made Nolan’s heart beat race in the same way it did with yours.

Nolan wasn’t yours, but you so badly wish he were. You became increasingly frustrated at yourself for letting your heart believe that there was something more between you and Nolan. You knew you were playing a risky game — a game that you had just lost, because it became painfully apparent that Nolan only ever saw you as a friend. The video continued to play, though your clouded vision and mind drowned out its volume. A teardrop slipped down your heated cheeks and pattered onto your phone screen. You berated yourself with what-ifs, wondering if you could have done anything different to be able to call Nolan yours. Maybe it was never meant to be, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t beat yourself up over the situation.

Ditching your plans to immediately sleep after getting home from work, you made a beeline to the kitchen’s wine cabinet. You now let your tears run freely and let yourself drown in affliction. You didn’t even flinch when Maya and Joel entered the apartment, who both rushed to you with concern after they noticed your tear-splotched shirt and face that was swollen and red from crying.

Not used to seeing their typically calm and collected friend in such a state of disarray, the couple wasn’t quite sure how to approach the issue. For what felt like the first time in forever, you decided to be transparent with your thoughts. You had spent so long compartmentalizing your feelings that the need to let them out and the countless glasses of wine had you admitting your feelings for Nolan to the two. You didn’t want their pity, and you were thankful that they let you speak without interruption. Your words, though slurred, clearly explained how you felt foolish for falling for Nolan in the first place. You explained how your friendship with Nolan had evolved into something much more for you and how you couldn’t pretend like you didn’t love him as more than just a friend anymore.

At the end of your spiel, Maya and Joel shared a knowing look with each other. Maya looked like she was fuming, though she tried her best to maintain composure as she pulled you into a hug. You almost missed the way Joel cursed under his breath, calling Nolan an idiot. They were so sure Nolan had felt something towards you, and weren’t sure how to respond when you drunkenly asked what you did wrong for Nolan to be oblivious to the way that you only had eyes for him.

As much as they loved Nolan, they adored you just as much and felt terrible for the pain that you were going through.

Apparently not terrible enough to postpone movie nights, however. Some time down the road, you, Nolan, Maya, Joel, Travis, and Kevin made a habit of gathering for a few hours each week to watch movies and hang out. You almost forgot about it in your moping state until Maya brought up a few days later that it was your and Maya’s turn to host. The blood drained out of your face when she reminded you, and your first instinct was to come up with an excuse to miss the night at all costs. You didn’t want to ruin the budding tradition, but you weren’t ready to see Nolan either.

As much as it hurt to still be in contact with Nolan, the thought of cutting him off hurt just as much. So, you subjected yourself to the heartache of talking to someone as if you weren’t enamored with. After the night of your break down, Nolan tried texting and calling you as usual. Although you weren’t ignoring him, you kept your texts brief and the phone calls even shorter. You felt bad for creating a wall between you and Nolan, especially since he wasn’t sure what was going on with you. He often asked what was on your mind, but you typically brushed it off and churned out a half-true excuse about being busy with school before cutting your conversations with him short.

Maya understood your discomfort with the situation, and offered to call off the movie night. You quickly objected, not wanting to ruin the night for the others just because you were battling your own demons. You told her that the movie night could go on at your shared apartment, and that you would find something to keep you out of the house for a while.

Your escape from the apartment came in the form of Austin, a boy from your psych class. Although you two didn’t speak to one another much, his kind eyes and bashful smile always led you to gladly agree whenever he’d asked to sit in the open spot next to you in the lecture hall.

One day, after you offered your notes to him for a day he missed, he offered to take you out for dinner in return. Although you were hesitant at first, you couldn’t think of any cons that would weigh out the opportunity for a free meal and spending a few hours with the charming boy. Plus, he had mentioned that he was a transfer student from out of state, and you knew how much you would have appreciated a few friends from school when you first moved to the city. Ultimately agreeing to his proposition, you gave him your number and scheduled the dinner for the same night and time as the movie night.

When the night of your plans with Austin came around, you made sure to leave your apartment before the guys were coming over. Because you felt guilty for skipping on the movie night, you attempted to help Maya set up the snack. However, Maya insisted that you shouldn’t keep Austin waiting and that she could handle the food herself. When you told her about Austin, she was ecstatic for you. She knew how difficult the past week has been for you and nearly screeched with excitement when you told her that you had actual plans for the weekend.

She gave you a hug and reminded you to call her if you were in an emergency before practically pushing you out of the door.

+ her

The night with Austin went better than planned, and you genuinely enjoyed yourself. Not wanting to give Austin any false impressions, you made sure that the night was strictly platonic. Luckily for you, Austin was incredibly understanding. Although you didn’t miss the look of slight disappointment on his face when you told him that you weren’t interested in being anything more than friends, he respected your decision and upheld his offer for dinner.

Quickly, you found out that you two had a similar sense of humor. Austin was easy to talk to and eventually, you opened up to him about Nolan. You nearly apologized for doing so — you weren’t planning to drop your baggage on a boy that you barely knew. However, Austin was surprisingly good at giving advice and even recounted some of his own stories about unreturned feelings. It was nice to be able to talk to someone that could relate to you.

Knowing that Nolan was at your apartment, Austin suggested that you two get dessert and explore the city to make sure that the hockey player would be gone before you got home. At first, you turned down his idea, jokingly arguing that he didn’t have to spend his whole Saturday night with you out of pity. In spite of your protests, Austin promised that he wanted to continue spending time with you and didn’t mind the idea of getting ice cream.

You didn’t return home until it was nearly midnight. You were sure that the boys would have already headed home, since they had a morning skate the next day.

Opening the door, you were shocked to see that everyone was still in the apartment, eyes occupied on the Marvel movie on the television. Your eyes immediately landed on Nolan’s figure, and you contemplated your next actions.

Settling on trying to go unnoticed by the group, you tried your best to discreetly enter your home and head to your room. With everyone's backs turned away from you, you almost made it to your room safely.

You were so close until your keys loudly fell onto the floor as you tried to remove them from the lock. Instantly, everyone’s heads turned to the front door. Someone turned on the living room’s lights, and you became uncomfortably aware of everyone’s attention on you.

You flashed them a smile, and Maya was the first to speak.

“How was your date?” she slyly questioned, making sure that everyone in the room heard her.

You raised an eyebrow at her question. Maya knew that the night with Austin wasn’t a date. However, the way she glanced at Nolan reminded you that he and the other guys, for that matter, didn’t know that. Not wanting to entertain whatever plan she was brewing in her mind, you tried not to acknowledge her question, flashing her a nervous smile.

“You ditched us for a date?” Travis gasped incredulously, clenching his hand above his heart for the added dramatic effect.

“Is that why the cookies were weird? I knew something was wrong with them when I nearly broke a tooth trying to eat one,” Hayesy laughed as an embarrassed Maya threw a pillow in his direction. You chuckled along with the joke, knowing that you should’ve stuck around to help her bake them. You made sure to promise not to miss the next movie night and even reassured Kevin that you would make a fresh batch of cookies just for him next time.

As Joel chimed in with the others about your “date,” Nolan remained oddly quiet.

His body language was stiff, and his eyes were mostly glued to his lap. He was playing with his fingers and refused to look you in the eyes. He almost looked uncomfortable, his smile forced whenever someone made another funny remark. Although everyone seemed oblivious to it, you couldn’t help but notice the way Nolan was biting the inside of his cheek. It was a habit that you noticed before, but you usually only ever saw him do it when he was in deep concentration or thought. You wouldn’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt to see that Nolan didn’t even acknowledge your presence. Of course he didn’t owe you anything, but your heart didn’t necessarily know that.

You didn’t want to overanalyze anything, though. So, after chuckling at their comments, you headed to your room to remove your makeup and change into the oversized tee shirt and lounge shorts that you had been looking forward to changing into ever since you left the apartment.

“Calling it a night already?”

Upon hearing the question, you nearly had to do a double take. It was the first time you had heard Nolan’s voice all night. The lack of inflection in his voice transformed the previously light-hearted atmosphere thick with tension.

“Um, yea. It’s been a long night and I don’t know how much longer I can keep my eyes open,” you curtly responded with the first excuse that you could come up with, continuing en route to your room without sparing Nolan another glance. You gave everyone in the living space a small wave before you slipped into your room.

Although your reasoning was partially true, you didn’t know if you could handle being so close to Nolan at the moment. The two of you had gotten used to snuggling up together during movie nights and with your current emotional disarray, you didn’t want to put yourself in the position where you had to pretend like you weren’t still hurt at the thought of Nolan not seeing you in the same light that you saw him. And, regardless of how idiotic Nolan’s teammates could act at times, you knew they were pretty observant — especially when it came to you and Nolan’s complex friendship. If you decided to join in on the movie night but sit in any seat that wasn’t next to Nolan, they'd undoubtedly pick up on it.

Even though you thought your excuse was enough to get by your attentive friends, everyone in the room —bar Nolan— exchanged knowing looks with each other after once they heard the lock of your doorknob click into place. They knew how much you loved movie nights and how you were usually a night owl, regardless of how busy your day was. In fact, it was usually you that begged for an extra movie to be played when everyone was ready to call it a night.

More importantly, they knew you had a soft spot for Nolan. They weren’t ignorant to the way you’d sprint through hoops and hurdles to spend time with Nolan, mostly because they noticed how Nolan would go great lengths to see you, too. It had been a while since you last saw Nolan, and they figured that you would jump on the chance to be in your best friend’s presence again. Of course Maya had to play along, pretending as if she didn’t know why you were avoiding Nolan.

Even though Nolan was a little more subtle with his actions and words, it was no secret that Nolan missed you. His question from earlier was his way of asking you if everything was alright and if you wanted to spend time with him, and your deflection to his implied questions told everyone what they needed to know.

They weren’t quite sure what was going on between you and Nolan, but they knew things weren’t the same as they used to be.

Noting the way Nolan’s shoulders sunk after you disappeared into your bedroom, Maya was the first to rise from her seat. The mood of the night quickly became awkward after Nolan’s short-lived interaction with you, and Maya had no intention of having to sit through another hour of the movie if it were going to be this uncomfortable. She also hoped to talk to you before you actually went to sleep.

“Well, I think I’m gonna head to bed, too. I have to pick up an early shift tomorrow,” she explained as she gathered her blankets from the couch. “You’re staying the night, right?” she asked Joel.

Painfully aware of the newfound tension, her boyfriend silently nodded and helped Maya bring the rest of the throw pillows and blankets.

“You all can finish the rest of the movie,” Maya nodded towards Nolan, Travis, and Kevin. “Just lock up on your way out once it’s over. There should be a spare key under the flower pot outside.” Waving to the guys in the living room, Maya tugged Joel into her room and shut the door.

And then there were three.

+ him

Nolan’s jaw was beginning to ache from how hard he was clenching his teeth together. He didn’t know how to take in the rollercoaster of emotions that he had been feeling for the past few days. He wasn’t oblivious to the barrier that seemed to build up between you and him, but he didn’t know how that wall formed in the first place, let alone how to get over it.

He thought the past few days had been rocky, but he was certainly not prepared for his heartstrings to be pulled into so many directions tonight.

Nolan was looking forward to seeing you in person and was more than disheartened to hear that you were out for the night after he awkwardly asked Maya about your whereabouts. Your roommate didn’t go into the specifics of why you were missing out on the movie night, so he was left to his own devices to figure out where you were.

Of course he could’ve texted you, but given your erratic reply rates as of late, he resorted to refreshing his SnapChat and Instagram apps every once in a while to see if you were posting about where you were spending your weekend night.

Nolan wanted to understand why there was a strain in the relationship and more than anything, he needed your reassurance to know that everything was alright. He partly thought you were distancing yourself from him because he had made his feelings for you too obvious and you didn’t see him in that same way. The theory wasn’t even farfetched. His friends always made fun of him for being so whipped for you, and Nolan knew that you hated letting others down. Throughout his friendship with you, he had quickly learned that you would much rather deal with the brunt of someone else’s problems than to let them down. The thought of you distancing yourself from Nolan just because you only saw him as just a friend hurt Nolan, and he needed to let you know that he’d much rather deal with his feelings being unreciprocated than to have you fade away from his life.

Nolan also thought that he said something wrong and made you upset. However, after replaying all of the conversations he had with you leading up to your new treatment towards him, he didn’t know what he would have said that would have made you this indifferent to him.

Your social media gave no hints as to what you were doing, so Nolan let his imagination run wild with all of the reasons why you would’ve skipped movie night, especially when you were usually so excited about them.

When you entered the apartment a few hours after his arrival, Nolan felt his heartbeat begin to thrum as loud as a kick drum. All of the hypothetical situations that were previously occupying his mind were now invaded with thoughts about how good you looked. Nolan recognized the denim jacket you were wearing as the one that you had gotten a few months ago. He had just finished an afternoon practice when you FaceTimed him and couldn’t contain your excitement about finding the “most perfect article of clothing” you’ve ever owned. Although Nolan chirped you for driving so far away just for a jacket, the ecstatic expression on your face that day was one he’d never forget. It was also one that he so desperately craved to see for the rest of his life.

Just as quickly as he was brought out of his slump from seeing you, he was rudely pulled back down to reality after Maya asked you about your date. Needless to say, the warmth that filled his heart left as quickly as it had entered. Jealousy consumed Nolan, and he was momentarily blinded by a pain that he couldn’t quite describe.

As his friends joke around with you, Nolan struggled comprehending the thought of you with another guy. He had no right to be upset, really. Not when he couldn’t muster up the courage to tell you how he felt and especially not when your eyes were twinkling with so much elation.

Throughout the friendship Nolan had developed with you, you never mentioned that you were going on dates or seeking relationships. The hopeless romantic in him let him believe that maybe, just maybe, you were saving your heart for the right person. For him.

However, the breathy chuckle you released after Maya’s question shattered any amount of hope that Nolan had built up. Now, instead of butterflies, Nolan’s stomach was filled with a piercing ache. As if he wanted to punish himself more for not being more vocal about his feelings for you, Nolan attempted to ask you to join the movie night. Sure, maybe he wasn’t exactly direct with his words, but he was hoping you’d pick up on his hint. Nolan shouldn’t have been so surprised when you decided to go to your room instead of joining him and the others, but the already-tense coil in his stomach continued to tighten.

After you went to your room, followed by Maya and Joel, Nolan looked at the remaining people in the room.

“We’re sorry, Pat,” Travis was the first to speak. His words were laced with sympathy, knowing how much his friend was head over heels for you.

Moving from his seat to stand over his younger teammate, Kevin rose from the couch and rubbed Nolan’s shoulder. “Let’s head home, yea?” Kevin attempted to dance around the topic of you.

“I’ll meet you two in the car. Just need to clear my head for a bit,” Nolan muttered to his understanding friends.

Quietly, Travis and Kevin left the apartment, making sure to shut the door carefully as to not disturb their teammate.

+ him & her

Thinking you were in the clear after hearing the front door close, you left your room in hopes of making a mug of tea.

You felt bad for avoiding Nolan, but you didn’t know how else to deal with the thousands of thoughts that cycled through your brain.

To say you were unprepared to see Nolan in your living would be an understatement. His arms were propped on his knees and his face was cradled by his hands. His shoulders were slouched and his tousled hair looked as if he had run his hands through it multiple times.

You weren’t sure if you should’ve just turned back around and locked yourself in your room, but your instincts beckoned you to come closer to Nolan. No matter how hurt you were, he was your best friend first and foremost. If there was anything you could do to bring him out of his clear distress, you would do it without a second thought.

“Nolan?” you meekly called out his name.

Nolan slowly moved his head just enough so he could hear the source of the sound. Unintentionally mimicking your facial expression, he looked just as stunned to see you. “Sorry, I thought you would’ve already been asleep. I was uh- I was just about to head out,” he timidly said.

“Stay as long as you need. I’ve been trying to sleep but didn’t have much luck, so I’m hoping tea will help. Haven’t been able to get a good sleep for a while now,” you explained while opening a kitchen cupboard for a mug.

“Me neither. Things haven’t felt right recently,” he sighed. After his statement, the apartment was eerily quiet. Neither of you wanted to say anything else, scared of stepping over any boundaries or maybe the situation even more awkward.

You’re not sure what gears clicked into place, but you felt compelled to finally tell Nolan what was on your mind. The guilt of ignoring him was eating away at you, and you felt like you at least owed your best friend an explanation as to why you needed space from him. After you dropped the tea bag into your mug, you walked back towards the living space to where Nolan was still sitting.

“Look, I’m sorry,” you started.

Nolan didn’t say anything, his eyes pleading with you to continue with what you were saying.

“I’m just gonna lay everything out because I know I’m not gonna be brave enough to do this on any other occasion,” you prefaced, making sure Nolan was paying attention to what you were saying. You were already embarrassed that you had managed to think that Nolan could ever like you, and you did not want to have to verbally explain your emotional affliction more than one.

“I don’t really know when, but I caught feelings for you. At first I wasn’t sure what to do about it, because everyone always warns about falling for your best friend and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us if you didn’t feel the same,” you continued with your explanation, eventually getting to the part where you saw Nolan and the girl on Maya’s story.

“It just sucked, y’know? I thought I was doing a good job of suppressing my feelings and then I saw that. Obviously it’s not like we were dating or anything and I never told you how I felt at the time, but having that confirmation that there wasn’t actually anything between us was like a kick to the gut.”

“I feel terrible for letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship and reading all of the signs wrong. I don’t wanna lose you because of this, and I’m really trying to get over my silly feelings becau-” you were cut off by Nolan.

“What if I don’t want you to get over those feelings?” he said while approaching the spot you were standing in.

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. You weren’t sure if you were hearing things right or if you were so sleep deprived that you were starting to make things up. “I-I’m not following,” you silently begged Nolan to continue.

“I liked you, too,” he confessed. “Well, I still like you. If I’m being honest, I think I’m in love with you,” he admitted all in one breath. “I thought it would be easier to try to get over you instead of dealing with the possibility of ruining our friendship just because I caught feelings,” he elaborated.

“Obviously it didn’t work, though. And I ended up messing up things between us anyway, so it really didn’t work,” he sighed with a hint of resignation in his tone. He wasn’t sure if he was referring to ruining the friendship, his chance of getting to call you his, or both. Upon that thought, Nolan became even more dejected after he was reminded about how you were just on a date a few hours ago.

Your head was spinning with each word. Every fiber in your body was consumed by joy, and you were now wide awake. Nolan was now only standing a few feet away from you. You still hadn’t replied to his confession, and you could tell that he was becoming increasingly nervous as he awaited your reaction. With that realization, you were drawn out of your thoughts. Your heart was lodged in your throat, and you knew that no words could articulate the words you wanted to tell Nolan, anyway.

With that, you closed the distance between the two of you. Your hands grabbed his and although he flinched a little bit, he welcomed your gesture and interlaced your fingers with him.

Going on your tiptoes to come a little closer to your face, you become hyper-aware of Nolan’s burning gaze. His face is painted with a light blush, and he’s biting the inside of his cheeks again.

“I hope this is okay,” is the last thing you whisper before you connect your lips to his.

Instinctively, Nolan’s hands pulled away from yours to find a home on your hips. He pulled you closer, attempting to deepen the kiss. The kiss was soft, reassuring, and everything in between. Nolan couldn’t stop the smile that was tugging on his lips, and had to pull away to make sure that this was actually happening.

He was met with your confused face, your eyebrows scrunched in the cutest way. His smile promptly turned into a smirk as you tried to pull him into a kiss, your shorter height causing you to barely graze the corner of his lips.

When Nolan released a chuckle, you started to become impatient. “What?” you questioned while narrowing your eyes towards the rosy-cheeked boy in front of you.

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” he cheekily asked.

“Only if I get a second kiss,” you said with gleaming eyes, fingertips grazing along his jawline. With those words, Nolan wasted no time fulfilling your wish and peppering your neck with dozens of chaste kisses.

The two of you were so consumed with the high of finally getting to hear the other admit their feelings that neither of you heard the sound of the front door violently swinging open.

“Patty, where the fuck are yo-” Travis called, immediately realizing the moment he was intruding on. “You know what, I think I’m just gonna head out. Have a good night!” he awkwardly chuckled, undoubtedly embarrassed. He sent the two of you a thumbs up before quickly shutting the door as if he never interrupted.

“Oh my god,” Nolan said, his head falling into your shoulder and arms wrapping around your body. “I forgot that TK and Hayesy were waiting for me to come down. It’s probably been like half an hour at this point,” his laugh rumbled through your bones.

“Stay the night?” you offered. “Maybe I can finally get more than four hours of sleep,” you laughed.

“Mm, sounds like a plan,” Nolan peppered kisses along your neck before scooping you into his arms and heading to your bedroom.

Although both of you knew that there would be a lot to talk about the following morning, neither of you wanted to disrupt the current state of bliss that both of you were in. You and Nolan’s hearts were finally intertwined, and for now, that was enough to engulf you in ease.

[eldritchlittleblackdragon]

Alice van Zieks in The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles, Part 3

(Or What Happens to Her During and Post Canon)

Part Three of Five! Image made with this Picrew. This time, we’re covering The Trial of Gina Lestrade, what happens to Alice in Between games, and what’s going on with her while the first case and the little non-flashback section of the second case of the second game are happening. As before!  Potential spoiler warning for those cases below, as well as some spoilers for case 3 (related to Kazuma Asogi ;)).(1-5, 2-1, and 2-2, and 2-3)  That said, there’s a lot to cover with Alice regarding case 2-3, so that will basically get it’s own post in the next installment. Also like the previous posts... this is really long. Oof.

Some additional warnings for this: Mentions of autopsies being performed, and mentions of sex.

If you would like to be added to the tag list, please let me know!

Tagging:  @curiousobsession101​, @scarlettjskipper​, @angeaxil​, @oblivionmobile​, @wittythreads​, and @possiblythreefourthspeahen​

Previously...

As covered in Part 2 and its addendum, Alice experienced significant changes and upheaval in her life over the course of the first couple of months since her return to Britain. After accepting a job offer from Lord Chief Justice Stronghart, Alice began working as the main pathologist of the Forensic Investigation Subteam. She often had the assistance of Doctor Maria Gorey, another pathologist who alternated between working with the Subteam, and the main Forensic Investigation Team headed by Doctor Courtney Sithe. She became acquainted with Gorey as a result, and after tense beginnings, the two began to have an accord.

However, just a little over a month into her new job, a burglar broke into the home where Alice was staying, and became violent when confronted by Alice and Mr. and Mrs. Ward (Alice’s friends who were letting Alice stay with them). Eventually, things became dire in that Alice’s life and that of her friend Agnes (Mrs. Ward) were in mortal peril, and Alice took the life of her assailant to save her own life and that of her friend. Mrs. Ward was rushed to the hospital soon thereafter, and the police came to investigate and question everyone present.

Lord Van Zieks was called and informed of his wife’s ordeal. He immediately rushed to her side to asses her state for himself, as well as to collect her and bring her back home with him for the sake of her personal safety. And so, Alice for the time being moved back in with her husband while she recovered from her injuries.

Over the next few weeks, Alice spent her time recovering, and was given leave from her duties at Scotland Yard. She was visited by friends, including Mr. Ward and his children (as for Mrs. Ward, she wrote to her while her friend recovered in the hospital). Susato Mikotoba and Sherlock Holmes also came to visit her at points, updating her on how everyone at the Holmes residence was doing. She expressed a desire for both Ryunosuke and Iris to come visit her as well, although she worried about how the former would be treated if he came to visit (there was some concern with Susato, though not as much, hence why she was able to come visit her).

 As for Iris, Holmes said he’d see about bringing Iris with him, but never did. (Much to Alice’s disappointment and curiosity.) She does however keep in frequent contact with both of them through letters, telegrams, and even a phone call or two to the Holmes residence.

She spent a decent amount of time with her husband in those weeks, her interactions with him throwing her into a state of confusion and feeling torn about her decision to divorce him. Despite his current state being of great concern to her in some ways (his behavior in court, especially towards Ryunosuke being chief among them), he had resolved to better himself in others, and showed a visible effort to do so. That, and she was still quite attracted to him still. To a rather alarming degree.

 She found herself wanting at times to be close to him again, even have moments of giving into the temptation to be such (through allowing him to show her physical affection and returning it in kind, allowing herself to be vulnerable emotionally).

As for Barok, he went so far as being open with her on matters he wouldn’t have felt at liberty to discuss with her before. And he started with discussing his reason for being back in London (aside from the matter of the divorce) - his resolve to finally uncover the true reason behind the deaths attributed to “The Reaper of the Bailey” and unmask who the ‘true Reaper’ may be. Alice appreciated him letting her in on this endeavor of his, and not only offered her support, but offered to help him in any way she could. While Barok felt protective of her and didn’t wish to endanger her as a result of his undertaking, unlike how he might have reacted in the past, he said he would consider and call upon her should he need it.

This conversation was a turning point, one where they were able to talk amiably with understanding and patience. With trust.

Perhaps some goodwill can be restored between both of them, and some of Alice’s trust in Barok can be restored? To the point that maybe, at the very least, they can be amiable once again (whether or not they get back together - a matter they continue to be divided on). Perhaps Barok can right the errors of his past and be transparent with her about his fears and motivations, and make progress towards letting go of trying to restrict Alice as a result of his fears.

One thing’s for certain. There is still a certain tension between them. One that hasn’t yet abated. And while they’ve made progress, their problems are far from resolved. Little do they know matters will be even further complicated months down the line, when specters of their pasts make a startling reappearance.

The Trial of Gina Lestrade

After a few weeks, Alice has recovered enough to be up and about and going out again. She gets up to have breakfast with her husband, and towards the end receives a letter from Sherlock Holmes inviting her to dinner at 221B Baker street with all the residence there that night, if she is up to and able to go. Being thrilled at the idea of having dinner with her friends (and getting to see Iris and Ryunosuke, whom she hasn’t seen in some weeks), she readily accepts and prepares a reply back that she’ll be there.

The day is mostly quiet, but before she leaves, Barok calls her over to sit with him while he’s working on some miniatures for a diorama. There’s some light chatter before he asks something that has been on his mind of a while, but hasn’t been touched on much by them in conversation since she came to live with him again. He wishes to know about how she came to be friends with Susato Mikotoba, as well as Ryunosuke Naruhodo.

Alice feels nervous at the inquiry, wondering what the purpose of his line of questioning is. But, she follows it, relating back to him how her father and Susato’s father have been friends for some time, and she met Susato when she first arrived in Japan. As for Ryunosuke, she met him a little over a year later when asked to be a teaching assistant for an English class in which he was a student. And that they bonded over discussing the idioms and idiosyncrasies between the English and Japanese languages (as well as cultural differences between the two nations). Barok nods, admitting he had learned the two attended the same University based on a conversation he had with Stronghart. He does find it surprising that Alice’s father and Professor Mikotoba are acquainted. (Alice admits she doesn’t know all the details of how they’re acquainted. But they’ve known each other for quite a long time.) He then wonders aloud how an English major made the change to Law, it’s clear he’s inexperienced and must have done so on short notice with how little he knows. Either that or students from Japan are woefully undertrained.

Alice grits her teeth, and admits that Ryunosuke’s circumstances for becoming a law student were rather unusual. He has a long way to go in order to become a fully fledged attorney, but she believes he has promise, and she’s confident in her friend’s abilities. Barok points out his reservations based on some of Ryunosuke’s various errors and gaffes in court, but he admits that he’s quite skilled in his ability to find details others overlook, and says his resolve is both admirable and exasperating. He then asks her a rather serious question -  how much she trusts him.

“I consider him my best friend, and I trust him a great deal,” she says.

Barok makes a disgruntled huff, averting his eyes for a moment. Perhaps because a long time ago, she used those exact same words to describe himself. Or perhaps, it is because of the worry he then expresses next.

“I would be wary of him. Even if he harbors no ill intent, he seems prone to making troublesome errors in judgment. Some of which could lead to truly dire consequences indeed.”

This remarks causes Alice to grow defensive. “What makes you say that?”

This leads to a discussion about the McGilded case, and Ryunosuke’s role as the late man’s defense attorney. And he makes no secret of his anger towards the not guilty verdict. The court made their decision of course, but he believes the truth of the matter was obscured by fabricated evidence. And if it were discovered to be such, Ryunosuke would face serious consequences for it. And whether he knowingly colluded with McGilded or not, it would reflect quite poorly on him.

Alice asserts Ryunosuke would never have defended McGilded if he believed he would tamper with evidence, and fully believes in his client’s innocence when he accepts a case. But, she also knows that he was not given much of a choice in defending McGilded. Barok argues he had the choice not to, and Alice is upset by this remark. Refusing the case would have meant being sent back to Japan immediately, she remembers being told. It would have meant not being able to honor Kazuma and his wish to change the world for the better, something that was very important to him. And, perhaps on a more selfish note, Alice would have to give up having a pair of her friends close at hand (Ryunosuke and Susato).  She replies to Barok that she doesn’t agree, but she doesn’t wish to argue.

“He’s not unlike you, you know. He will pursue the truth to the end, even at his own expense.”

Barok’s expression subtly shows surprise for a moment before returning to its normally stoic state. “He certainly is willing to go father than most, beyond when others would falter. I’ll give him that.”

The conversation comes to an end, and Alice bids him farewell, heading to Holmes’ estate for dinner.

She’s delighted when everyone is there, and is so thrilled to see all of her friends again. Iris even comes running over and gives her a big hug, having missed and worried over her quite a bit. Alice assures her she’s much better now, and is sorry for having worried her and everyone else. She looks up and says a heartfelt hello to Ryunosuke, before realizing there is another guest in their midst.

The girl who served as a witness in the McGilded case, Gina Lestrade, is here. Iris excitedly introduces the two of them to each other. Gina appears wary of Alice and Alice in turn politely gives her space while trying to be open and kind. She volunteers to help Iris with dinner should she need it. Iris says she’d be thrilled to have the extra hands, and beckons her into the kitchen.

After dinner is made, everyone enjoys a good meal and an evening of games together. Alice is happy to see everyone having a good time, and is pleased when she sees Gina relaxing and enjoying herself too. It seems like she’s had a rough life and is slow to trust others. It’s good that there’s a place where she can be at ease, even if only for a moment. During the course of the evening, the two of them even wind up talking to each other a little about their lives and things they enjoy. She even offers to show Gina how to braid her hair is a way similar to herself. Gina isn’t so sure at first, but when Iris expresses interest in it as well, Gina sighs and says alright, it won’t hurt to give it a go.

So, she spends some time with Gina and Iris teaching them about crown braids.

[I would need to go over the case again, but I’m not sure if Alice stays long enough to be part of Iris’ conversation about the Hound of the Baskervilles manuscript that Holmes prevented her from publishing.  But, she will eventually learn that Gina breaks into the pawnshop to confirm if the manuscript is really there. And Alice will find it rather curious that Holmes doesn’t want that particular story published, considering he sees fit to let Iris write about about his other exploits, a regular thing Iris engages in and even makes a decent profit off of.

I’ve also been debating whether Iris told Alice before this point that she thinks John Watson is her father based on the writings she found when digging around her shared living space with Holmes. It seems likely she would, in which case it would pain Alice even more that Watson was murdered. Now, Alice is not 100% certain Watson is Iris’s father, not without more evidence to go on besides the writings, but she supports Iris wanting to figure out her past and where she stands in relation to the people and events in her life.]

After another game or two, Alice returns home for the night, tired but happy, and returns to her accommodations in the guest room across from the master bedroom where Barok sleeps. She dresses to get into bed, but before doing so, Barok walks by, asking her the evening went. To her surprise, he doesn’t press her too much about it, simply expressing he’s happy she enjoyed herself and was able to see her friends again, and that he hopes she sleeps well.

He lingers for a moment, leaning forward ever so slightly. As though he perhaps has more to say. (Or perhaps wants to give her a goodnight kiss.) But he withdraws, and bids her goodnight before disappearing into the room across the hall.

Alice sleeps peacefully through the night. The next morning, however, proves to be a rather harrowing one.

Barok receives a call on his office phone early that morning from Stronghart, requesting to speak to Alice. Alice is brought in and given the phone, and Alice speaks to him briefly. It seems a murder case has suddenly come up last night and they’re in need of a coroner. He asks if she is recovered enough to return to her duties.

There is another coroner who could take the job, but he would specifically like Alice’s skills on this. Alice agrees, saying she’ll be over as soon as possible. He also mentions to her that he hopes to speak with her husband at a meeting today if possible and she hands the phone back to Barok, who converses with Stronghart for a bit more.

They both eat and get dressed, and they take a carriage together, going their separate ways. Alice goes to Stronghart’s office, and Barok heads to his own office (for some of his own business prior to his own meeting with the Lord Chief Justice).

When Alice arrives, she sees Stronghart bidding Detective Gregson farewell, and the detective greets her politely before being on his way. Stronghart greets her then, and expresses that he is pleased to see that Alice is well. What happened to her was extremely unfortunate, but at least the ruffian who tried to hurt her was dealt with. Alice expresses she wishes that she didn’t have to kill him, but it was either her or him. Stronghart is mildly dismissive of the comment, saying that the end result was a just one, if not the ideal one. Still, he must admit it would have been better if he was alive and apprehended.

He then goes on to say that the murder last night that he mentioned over the phone was at Windibank’s Pawnbrokery on Baker Street. There was an altercation where the end result was the proprietor’s death. Someone was also shot and is in the hospital for treatment: (1) Detective Sherlock Holmes.

Alice is alarmed by the news, and says she’d heard nothing of it. Part of her wants to bolt to see her friend immediately, and perhaps check on Iris and the others. But she said she would accept the work, so she has to stay (but she resolves to go see them as soon as she’s able).

Stronghart then goes on to inform Alice that they currently have a few suspect persons in custody who were apprehended at the scene, including who they believe is Windibank’s murderer. Alice inquires as to who and it is revealed that the person in custody is none other than Gina Lestrade. Stronghart mentions she was a witness in the McGilded trial, and she was supposedly at the Pawnbrokery earlier trying to obtain something McGilded had left there.

Alice feels extremely conflicted about this turn of events. She just saw Gina the other day. And while she’s stolen from others to survive, she didn’t seem like the sort to commit murder. (They don’t think she shot Sherlock, do they? She worries.) But Alice knows she must put aside her bias and work towards the truth, even if the truth isn’t what she wants it to be. She tries to glean more information from Stronghart about the case, and he gives her a little more information (mostly regarding how the body of Windibank was found, Gina being found with Windibank’s gun, etc. some relevant facts but not as much information as she would like). He then informs here that while no prosecutor has stepped up for the case, he hopes to have one assigned shortly. Alice asks if Gina has a defense attorney and he informs her that she doesn’t at this time. Alice takes a deep breath. If nobody else would, Ryunosuke would certainly do it. Of that she’s sure.

Alice is then dismissed to go to the lab and begin her work. Gorey is there waiting for her, and assists her in getting the body prepped for the autopsy. Gorey welcomes Alice back, saying that for a moment she was concerned. Alice remarks morbidly that if she hadn’t acted, she might have ended up on the slab herself. Gorey quips that she would have made sure to have taken good care of her if that was the case.

Alice gets to work on Windibank’s autopsy, examining the body and with meticulous care. All the while, the thought of Gina lingers in the back of her mind. Is it even right for her to be working on this case when she wants to believe so desperately that Gina is innocent? She tries to shoo the thought away. If she worries, it will help no one, and it certainly won’t help her work.

She also keeps meticulous notes for compiling her report. And once the body has been examined thoroughly and she cleans herself up, she goes about the work of compiling said report, making sure there are two copies available for both the defense and prosecution, respectively.

[Here is where I’m less clear on details. But somehow she finds out Barok has taken on being the prosecutor for this case, which Alice is extremely upset by given that this puts Gina in the line of fire of the Reaper. I was considering maybe Barok comes to see her to obtain his copy of the autopsy report and she argues with him a little at first, but tensions ease off when he assures her that if Gina is innocent, he has no intention of letting her be added to the Reaper’s body count. However, he is not persuaded that she is innocent. Alice reluctantly accepts this, but desperately hopes the truth will reveal itself to be Gina is in fact, innocent. Later, Ryunosuke and Susato stop by her office to pick up their own copy of the autopsy report and she learns about Holmes’ condition (and that nobody but family can see him atm), that Susato is leaving soon because of a telegram informing her that her father is gravely ill. She will not even be at the trial tomorrow.

While Alice is upset by the news that Susato is leaving, she is equally upset that Professor Mikotoba is ill and completely understands her going back on such short notice. She asks when she’ll be leaving and she says very early in the morning. It breaks her heart to know she won’t be able to see her friend off.

 In between Gina being on trial for murder, Barok being the one to prosecute Gina, Susato leaving imminently and her friend Holmes having been shot and in the hospital being operated on, Alice is. Not doing so great emotionally right now. And the fact she’s the coroner and currently working the case means her interactions with certain players have to be limited. And with resuming her duties at work in all likelihood she won’t be able to attend the trial unless summon as a witness (since she has to perform follow up work the next day). Which is. Also not great in her opinion.]

Alice comes home, exhausted and distraught. She practically melts into her bed when she finds it.

For this trial, Alice isn’t present for part of it, and it proceeds unaltered from canon. However, things take a change when certain details in the Autopsy report catch Ryunosuke’s attention and he wishes to confirm some points. So, he requests that Alice be summoned as a witness (although he fears Van Zieks might object). To his surprise, Van Zieks doesn’t protest the request at all.

Alice is summoned to the stand (clad in her work attire), much to her relief. If she’s a witness, she will be able to learn what’s going on and how Gina is faring.

Barok, as normal asks her to state her name and occupation for the record. (Before this, she hasn’t been referred to by name in the trial, only as ‘the coroner’.)

She hesitates for a moment, knowing she is likely to spark a reaction from the people around her. But taking a breath, she calmly states:

“I am Lady Alice van Zieks, and I am a coroner for Scotland Yard.”

As expected, the gallery breaks out into a fit of gasps and chatter. The judge too, looks startled by the revelation, his wig going askew for a moment before he composes himself. “Good lord! Van Zieks? Did I hear you correctly, witness?”

“You heard correctly, my lord,” she replies in a polite tone. “The prosecutor in this trial, Lord Barok van Zieks, is my husband.” [Cue more chatter from the gallery.]

“Lady Van Zieks. I hadn’t thought to see you here in this capacity during a trial in which your husband is prosecutor. This is truly unprecedented,” remarks the judge. “I admit I have some reservations concerning the coroner in this case being the wife of the prosecution. I fear whether a conflict of interest might be present.”

“I completely understand that reservation my lord. For what it is worth, I was assigned this case before a prosecutor had taken it on. I have done my work as meticulously and thoroughly as possible, with the intent of assisting in revealing the truth, regardless of whether it favors the prosecution or the defense.”

The judge then questions whether the defense has any second thoughts or objections. However, Ryunosuke shakes his head.

“I have none, my lord. As it happens, I am acquainted with Lady Van Zieks and her work. Her attention to detail is amazing and her commitment to the facts of a case is nothing short of admirable.”

This response surprises the judge. “High praise indeed, counsel. Just how are you acquainted with her ladyship?”

“We were classmates your honor. She was attending the same university as me for a number of years.” [Cue yet MORE chatter from the gallery.]

“My word! Is that true?”

“It is, my lord.” Alice confirms. “Before my recent return to Great Britain, I was attending Imperial Yumei University in Tokyo to complete my studies in Forensic Pathology. I met the defense counsel in the course of those studies.”

“A coroner personally acquainted with both the defense and prosecution...” Remarks the judge.

“Pray, if I may, my lord,” Van Zieks speaks up. “I speak not as her husband, but as a colleague. I have seen Lady Van Zieks at work. Her precision and keen eye are truly exceptional. And she has demonstrated exceptional knowledge and professionalism in regards to her field. I am absolutely confident in her competence as an expert witness in this trial.”

“I see,” says and the judge, and he asks Ryunosuke one last time if he concurs with that statement. Ryunosuke once again expresses his confidence in Alice. To which the judge then replies, “While this is highly irregular, both the defense and prosecution have spoken to the competence of the witness and believe the witness can give a trustworthy account regardless of any personal connection involved. I will allow matters to proceed for the time being. The prosecution may now question the witness.”

Barok asks Alice about details of the autopsy report, and she provides clarification on some of her points. During cross-examination, Ryunosuke asks about some of her findings in conjunction with other pieces of evidence, and whether it precludes certain possibilities about the events that took place in the case.

Eventually Alice is excused from the stand, but she is allowed to remain at the courthouse to see the outcome of the trial (as it is believe additional testimony might be needed from her later).

The truth of the McGilded case is revealed. And unfortunately, this will mean serious consequences will befall Ryunosuke for presenting false evidence (mainly, being stripped of his ability to practice law and restricted to only academic study). It is also revealed that Susato made use of one of Iris’s inventions the night of the murder, creating an opening in the backroom door of the pawnshop that was not there before. And this proves to be the piece of evidence that helps unravel the statements of a critical witness, which thus helps to reveal Gina’s innocence.

But, the trial also reveals a secret, treasonous exchange of messages between nations, the selling of national secrets and classified information. McGilded was involved in this, and the last piece of information would turn out to be something potentially relevant to Alice (although she wouldn’t learn that until after the trial).

After the trial, she and the others learn that Susato’s ship has been delayed, and if they hurry, they can wish her well in Dover. She accompanies Ryunosuke, Holmes (who is now out of the hospital), and Iris to Dover in saying goodbye, but not before somehow getting the message to Barok that she’s making an emergency trip to Dover to say goodbye to a friend whose leaving the country and that shell be back soon.

(Or maybe she tells Barok directly, worried he’ll say no? But he has no objection to it and tells her to go before she misses her chance.)

Things proceed similarly to canon, in which they say goodbye to Susato, but also relay the outcome of the trial to her. She also decodes the secret message that was presented as evidence, revealing a rather alarming list of names: T. Gregson, A. Shin, K. Asogi, and J. Watson.

Alice is shocked by the revelation. She has no idea who A. Shin might be, but she can definitely hazard a guess as to who the other names are (one of them being her dearly departed Kazuma). And two of the people on that list are dead (she believes). Is this a list of people who are marked for death? What is the purpose of the list or the connection between the four names?

It’s something that haunts her for months to come. But in time, that particular mystery would be unraveled.

Alice wishes Susato well, and says she will miss her terribly.

Eventually, Alice returns to London from Dover, and bids Ryunosuke and the rest of her friends farewell. But, before doing so, she emphasizes that she believes in her friend, and she’s so proud of him for what he did in court, and that if he wishes to be reinstated, she’ll be in his corner to help him fight for it. He thanks her for the show of support, and would like to get back in court eventually, but he needs some time to reflect, and study. Perhaps when he is ready, he will be better prepared to face whatever he might in British courts. Alice believes that is a completely reasonable approach, and says she’ll be here if he needs anything. After all, that’s what best friends are for.

[Side note: Ryunosuke taking responsibility and helping to uncover the truth of the McGilded case leaves an positive impression on Barok, and he is more willing to accept her wife’s trust in him, as well as his own deep down perception of him that conflicts with his prejudice. That Ryunosuke is a man on integrity and has the potential to be a truly exceptional lawyer.]

Before she returns home, she runs into an old friend of hers- Lady Ada Harebrayne (the mother of her husband’s friend, Albert Harebrayne), who was responsible for her meeting Barok in the first place, and also helped orchestrate the development of their bond.

They converse for a bit, saying they really need to take some time to catch up. It’s been so long since they spoken to one another. [And from here on, Lady Harebrayne becomes a recurring minor character. I’m thinking she might be mentioned a few times before this however.] Admittedly, Alice is a bit nervous about reconnecting with Lady Harebrayne. She was always a wonderful woman, but she’s also very much in Barok’s corner, and a well-respected societal matron at that. She wonders what she’ll think of Alice trying to divorce him, and if she’d try to dissuade her from her course. She will have to see.

In Between Games

-Tension Overflows

[I think it would be really nice to detail a particularly trying case for Alice that touches on some things that, while they do not directly involve her, they involve things that touch on her memories or are important to her. I’m playing around with possible ideas for what sort of case that might be but haven’t settled on one yet. That said, while Ryunosuke and Barok wouldn’t be involved in the case in terms of serving as attorneys, they might play a part on helping Alice in some way. Sherlock Holmes however might be involved in said case as a consulting detective. (And also possibly Gregson is involved?)

And this case is going on while Alice is contending with her emotions about Barok and what she wants to do. There’s a push and pull between the two of them, a mixture of realizing why they become so close before they broke apart. But Alice hasn’t admitted to the emotional tug of war within herself to Barok, wanting to keep up the appearance that she is unwavering in her course. And she wants to be unwavering. Because, in spite of her big motivation for the divorce being gone (Kazuma), she feels she needs to move forward with divorcing him. And yet, she’s struggling with naming a reason why, especially in the face of still being attracted to Barok and being reminded of all the reasons they’d become best friends, and eventually got married.

Yet, one night, in a fit of emotion, she accidentally lets it slip that she is still attracted to her husband which causes an argument between them. (Barok sees this is as a sign that they shouldn’t get divorced, that they should get back together and try again. But Alice thinks attraction isn’t enough of a basis. And while he’s done work on himself, there’s still critical problems he’s yet to address. And ultimately, and most obviously what each of them wants in terms of their relationship to each other doesn’t align with one another anymore.)

And I’m thinking it somehow leads to them spending the night together (an occurrence which briefly renews the sexual component of Barok and Alice’s relationship, starting not long after the end of 1-5 and ending shortly before when Kazuma reappears as the masked apprentice - not sure if she moves back into the master bedroom with him for the time being or she stays in the guestroom otherwise, that detail is still tbd). Starting with this first instance (and about a month and a half after), Alice has reached peak intensity in terms of her torn feelings, and struggling to figure out why she wishes to cling to her resolve to go her own way (and divorce from Barok). And in the meantime, between the case and her interactions with Barok, Alice goes over the events in her life that led her to this point and why.

She also reflects on herself through her interactions with her friends. And ultimately comes two a couple different conclusions. 1) she wants to be able to go her own way in spite of external pressures from others like what she’s faced in the past, and 2) her attraction doesn’t mean she can or will love Barok the same way he loves her. And she’s come to the conclusion she no longer feels able to stay on the promise of ‘maybe one day I will grow to love you in the same way’, she no longer believes it is a good enough basis for a spousal relationship. And eventually, she and Barok sit down and she explains and expounds on those reasons to him, and points out they’ve both gone through change as people and because they’ve changed, it’s important they reflect on themselves and their relationship and what is best going forward.

This time, Barok is more willing to accept what she’s saying, and even remarks that he can’t deny the truth of that statement. And he reflects that while he’s made efforts to reflect on himself as an individual and his particular contribution to the relationship, he hasn’t really allowed himself to reflect on their relationship as a whole, instead clinging to what he wants to happen instead of considering if that’s for the best. He’s generally a more logical man, not letting his emotions rule him so much. But he has his moments of his emotions getting the better of him, and in matters of the heart, it should perhaps come as no surprise that this was an instance where his emotions dictated his reasoning and actions. After some quiet, he says he needs time to think on what she said. But, he asks if she is willing to remain as they are while he reflects on these things.

And she says she will be here for when he has his answer. She’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

It feels like, at last, the weight of the air between them is considerably lighter. This is perhaps the biggest step they’ve made so far.

Eventually, the two of them have one last night together. And the next morning, as they’re getting up and dressing for the day, Barok is able to tell Alice his thoughts. And he is willing... perhaps... to concede that the best path forward may not be in remaining married to one another. As much as a part of him feels agony at the thought. He is willing to begin discussing terms for divorce. It will take time to have everything sorted out. But, it is something he is now open to, if reluctantly.

This is far from a resolution however. Especially with certain events still upcoming.]

[Side Note: Eventually Barok comes to the realization that his biggest fear isn’t losing the possibility of a romantic relationship with Alice, but losing a close relationship with her at all. He wants her to talk to him again, to confide in him, and to be able to confide in her. As much as he craves her romantically, he is willing to forgo that than risk losing her altogether by trying to keep her in a marriage she clearly no longer wishes to be in. But I think that’s a topic that will only start to come up here, and will really come into focus with certain events that happen during his own case.]

-The Devil Comes Calling Again

[While the above is going on, I really want to somehow show a little bit more of Stronghart and maybe show a bit more into his motivations for having Alice on the team. Mainly, that she’s a tool with which he wishes to manipulate/ hold leverage over Barok, (and later a certain other prosecutor *winkwink*), as well as a means to add integrity to and promote his ideas for the future of the Justice System in Britain. But, he also hopes to have her on hand as someone to keep in reserve should... certain pieces not fit as neatly into place as they should. A replacement cog in his machine should one break or malfunction. (Basically he wants her on hand in case something goes amiss with Courtney Sithe and the main Investigation team. While Sithe is loyal to him, Stronghart is becoming increasingly paranoid about anyone with significant involvement in a certain aspect of his past that he’s been making great efforts to try and bury.)

He tries to build rapport with Alice, get her to like him more by capitalizing on the fact they have certain ideas that on the surface seem to align with each other. But she’s always been wary of him, and it’s not different now. Stronghart suspects that may prove to be trouble later, so he keeps in mind he should think of other ways to utilize her if he can’t manipulate her through trust.]

-The Appearance of the Masked Disciple

Alice comes home from work, having finished her last shift for the week, relieved to have some well-deserved rest in her near future. She is greeted by a maid when she walks in the door, informing her that her husband has recently returned from a meeting with Lord Stronghart, and that he has a guest with him down in the drawing room. Odd, Alice thinks. She wasn’t aware of Barok having a meeting with Stronghart that day. The maid informs her it was a rather sudden summons. Alice thanks the maid and makes her way to the drawing room. As she goes, she overhears Barok talking to someone. She can’t help but wonder who the guest is.

Perhaps it’s Lady Harebrayne? Or perhaps another mutual friend of theirs. But whoever it is isn’t replying to anything Barok is saying, and what Barok seems to be saying is... not what she expects. It sounds like he’s showing them around, and giving them instructions about moving about the house and interacting with the staff.

Alice raises an eyebrow, and continues on until she comes upon the drawing room.

Once there, Alice comes to a sudden halt, startled by who she’s sees standing next to her husband. Rather than someone she knows, it’s someone who appears to be a stranger- a rather tall man, wearing a long hooded cloak and a rather ominous mask that obscures his face down to his nose. Alice finds herself at a loss for words for a moment. But then, the stranger turns his attention to her. She hears his breathing catch, and his lips part as though he might speak. But then, they close, and instead he opts for a bow.

Alice gives a small curtsy in kind.

“Alice. Pray, forgive me for not having informed you of this sooner. I was summoned suddenly by Lord Stronghart.”

“A maid informed me that you only recently returned.” Alice finds herself looking at her husband’s mysterious guest. And as her eyes fall to him, she realizes he is also looking at her, rather intently. “Would the sudden summons pertain to your guest then?” His words made her wonder if that was the case.

“Indeed it is so. I would give you two a proper introduction, however... he is a man of rather peculiar circumstances. For now, I am only able to introduce his as my apprentice.”

”Your... apprentice?” She gives a polite nod, but its clear from her expression she’s perplexed by the situation. “A pleasure to meet you, sir. I am Lady Alice van Zieks, Lord Van Zieks’ wife.”

The stranger, introduced as her husband’s apprentice, nods and bows again politely, only averting his gaze from her for a moment when Barok continues. But, as her husband explains, Alice notices his eyes fall back to her, watching her with rapt attention. But why is he staring at her so intently?

“Lord Stronghart introduced me to him at our meeting, and asked I take him under my tutelage and care for him.”

“So you’ll be staying here with us?” she questions the apprentice. He answers with a small nod. She notes he hasn’t spoken yet. Only replied in gestures. A man of few words, or is there another reason for his reticence?

“However, Stronghart informed me he is under orders that must be followed while in my care. Namely, that he is to wear his mask at all times in the presence of others. And that he may speak to no one but Stronghart and myself within the confines of our offices alone.”

Alice raises an eyebrow. “He can’t show his face or talk to anyone? Why?” She then turns to the apprentice. “Forgive me, but just who are you, sir?” She sighs and turns to her husband. “My apologies. It was just said... My lord husband, who is he, exactly? Is he hiding from someone?”

“I don’t think so,” answers Barok, “As for who he is... I don’t know, and as he and Stronghart have both informed me, neither is he aware of that fact, either.”

Alice’s eyes widen. “I... I don’t understand. You mentioned you couldn’t introduce him properly, only as your apprentice. You’re saying you don’t know? And... he doesn’t know?”

“Based on what he told me, he has no memory of who he is.”

“He has amnesia?” Alice asks incredulously. “I’m sorry. I just... if he doesn’t remember who he is, why the mask and the restriction on talking to others?”

“Unfortunately I don’t know that either,” says Barok. “But... I suspect Stronghart may actually know more about him than he said. And it may have something to do with that.”

Alice nods. She could easily see Stronghart knowing more than he’s saying. And yet... this situation is hard for her to accept. It seems so... out there. And yet, she’s seen equally strange things before. It seems like things have been increasingly strange since Alice made her arrangements to return to Britain from Japan. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have a right to feel... unsettled by this entire thing.

“I see.” She turns back to the apprentice. “Is this all acceptable to you? I can’t help but feel this is wholey unfair and unjust. Surely you wish to remember who you are if you’ve lost your memories? And not being able to speak with anyone... how can-” She stop herself and sighs. “I’m sorry.”

 He shows no visible reaction other than his lips curling into a frown. The movement draws her attention to his lips. His lips, his chin, and jaw aren’t concealed by his masked. And something about the lower half of his face strikes her as... familiar. Reminiscent of someone she’s seen before. Not only that, his posture, the way he moves... it’s peculiarly precise to her. And that too, seems familiar. Is he reminding her of someone she’s met before? Now that she thinks about it... perhaps so. In fact, it reminds her a bit of-

“I confess I am perturbed by the situation as well. But unfortunately all that can be done for now take him in as requested,” says Barok, cutting off her train of thought. “I was showing him around the manor and instructing him as best I can on how to navigate and interact with the staff. Even if he cannot speak, I wish to see that his needs are met.”

“Oh! Yes, of course.” Alice replies. “And should you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask either one of us. Well... in what way you are able.” She receives a nod in response, and she gives him a concerned smile. “Is there a name you wish to go by for the time being? I can’t imagine you are content with being simply called ‘Apprentice’.”

Barok’s new apprentice shakes his head, and Barok confirms that there’s no name that has come to mind for him. Alice frowns.

“I see. I am truly sorry you have no memory of yourself. I can’t imagine how distressing it must be to live under such a circumstance.”

Alice is then informed that Barok’s new apprentice will be in a guest room in the same hallway as the Master Bedroom and the guestroom that Alice has been using as her bedroom. (In fact I’ve been thinking it’s right next door to Alice’s, but not sure if there would be issues with propriety there. I don’t think so since they’re in separate rooms. But I could be wrong.)

Barok continues on with showing him around, and Alice finds despite her exhaustion from work, she has it in herself to accompany the two of them. As her husband’s new apprentice is shown to his room. She finds herself picking up her train of thought from earlier.

...he reminds her a little of Kazuma.

While Susato is Defending Rei Membami in Japan and Ryunosuke is looking over the case notes of the second Soseki Natsume Case...

[A bit hazy here. I’m thinking Alice continues on as normal. But now Barok’s apprentice is living in the manor with them. She worries about him a lot, because he has amnesia and nobody to talk to about it. Hell, he can’t talk to anyone at all except Barok inside of his office alone. She can’t help but wonder how he feels about all of this and whether he is under considerable stress as a result of his circumstances.

She’s not sure what he’s thinking. He’s dutiful and diligent in his studies and doing tasks for Barok. He seems quite stoic and unflappable. She’s always had trouble reading people, but he seems completely impossible to read much of the time. Except... he always gives her his full attention whenever she addresses or talks to him. He is always willing to help her when she needs it. Maybe it’s simply an extension of his dutiful behavior, but it feels like something, perhaps. Especially considering her presence seemed to have some kind of affect on him when they first met. And he was constantly looking at her. It seemed like he wanted to talk to her and nearly forgot himself then.

...Does he want to talk to her?

She begins to wonder if there’s a way around Stronghart’s order. An idea pops into her head and she writes him a note, asking if Stronghart’s order extends to writing. He should send a written reply back if it doesn’t, and simply send it back blank if it does. Alice worries if perhaps she thought of it, perhaps Stronghart did too.

But then she receives the note back, and it does contain a reply. “To my knowledge it does not, Lady Van Zieks.” And she starts by asking him if he likes his accommodations in the guest room and if he needs anything. She can ask one of the staff to help right away. He writes back that he doesn’t need anything more at this time, and politely thanks her for the offer of assistance.

Alice looks over the note, and notices something about his handwriting is a bit familiar. Yet another detail about him that leaves her feeling... strange, for lack of a better word.

They talk to each other through letters, and in person with Alice talking and him responding with nods or gestures. She eventually learns he woke up very far away from London, having had to work on ships, jumping from ship to ship in order to make his way. But something inside him kept pushing him on. He had to get to London no matter the cost. It was one of the only things he had to go on, having no memory of himself.

Eventually, Barok occasionally asks his apprentice to accompany Alice on ventures out into London for her protection. They work together on various tasks, and at times when she’s out in about, she’ll also take him to nice, non-work related places. Occasionally, they do have to evade or fight off Barok’s enemies, but for the most part they manage to succeed in escaping or repelling them without much trouble. During those instances, however, it comes to Alice’s attention that he seems fiercely protective of her, even going so far as to be excessively aggressive towards someone who was threatening her.

She eventually asks him why that is, considering it seems beyond the scope of what would be expected, and he tells her that she’s familiar to him somehow. Perhaps she reminds him of someone from his past or they met before, he’s not sure. But, she’s also a connection to his lost memories somehow. She’s important, worth protecting at all costs. That much he’s certain of. The revelation startles Alice, but it also gives her hope. If she seems familiar to him, perhaps continuing to spend time together will help him in recovering his memories.

Now, while most of what’s happened so far has been pretty canon compliant save for very minor details here and there, here will be one significant change. Alice is in regular contact with Ryunosuke, and I think with her being present and interacting heavily with the Masked Apprentice, I think she would tell Ryunosuke about him not too long after meeting him. And she would tell him about how little things here and there have caught her attention, and the more time she spends with Barok’s apprentice, the more she feels like she may indeed know the man. But who he is, she’s not sure of.

I’m also thinking it is possible she introduces the two of them earlier than in canon (although not that much earlier, maybe a couple of weeks earlier). Perhaps when she goes to visit Holmes one day she has the Apprentice accompany her, and Ryunosuke is home and she introduces them. And afterwards she talks to Ryunosuke and he’s like “okay this is going to sound freaky but he seems really familiar to me too. Something about his presence and posture. It’s driving me nuts.” And Alice is like “okay so it’s not just me. Maybe he’s someone we both met at some point?”

“Let’s keep an eye on this and compare notes.” “Good idea.”

(And even though Kazuma first came to mind, the thought he’s Kazuma is discarded because Kazuma’s dead right? Right? Wrong. It’s him Alice he’s right there.)

Barok in the meantime notices his apprentices gives him a sense of familiarity as well. As in things about him remind him of him of an old friend. One whom he had thought betrayed his trust. It can’t be a coincidence that Stronghart is preventing the man from talking to others or showing his face. He starts to suspect there is indeed a connection. But, that’s not all he notices. He sees and hears about how protective his apprentice is towards Alice, and notices the two are growing increasingly close, developing an understanding. And they’ve figured out ways to communicate in spite of the restrictions put in place by Stronghart.

Eventually, it becomes clear to him that if things continue to proceed as they are, it will be in Alice’s best interest to know of what he suspects. It will mean broaching on subjects he has long has difficulty talking about. But, it will be necessary in his eyes. His investigation into the reaper demanded he revisit his past, and now, he must go even further back, to the lowest point of his life.

And he must let Alice see into that darkness, further than he’s ever allowed her.

He prepares to have this difficult conversation with her, in the meantime continuing work on his investigation, as well as working out matters pertaining to his and Alice’s impending divorce (division of assets, finances, arrangements Alice’s living situation for when things are finalized, etc.).]

The Trial of Odie Asman?

[I was thinking it might be be interesting to touch on the trial of Odie Asman, and possibly have Alice have been the Coroner for this trial, having examined the bodies of a pair of men who were part of Asman’s crime syndicate who were unceremoniously disposed of by Asman for betraying his trust or something like that. It’s the second time Barok and Alice work together on the same trial, with Barok’s apprentice stepping in to ferry information between them. Asman is found not guilty as a result of him buying off/manipulating the jury, and is allowed to go free. I think this might be a good point to showcase all three of them working together and  have this moment of accordbetween the three before everything explodes later.]

And that’s it for now! Things are really going to really ramp up in the next part. (Prepare for lots of tension and ANGST.)

Next:

The Trial of Albert Harebrayne and the 8 Days of Hell (Part 4)

The Trial of Barok van Zieks and Post Game Ideas (Part 5)

[jiminrings]

hellooo can i request a drabble of uni!au art major tae and biochem major yn? also part one of the would you series is AMAZINGGG seriously i cant wait to read more!! <3

rich kid kim

pairing: taehyung x y/n

wordcount: 5k

glimpse: tae’s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D

notes: thank you for the request babes!! writing this made my heart melt and aND!!! thank you omg i’m glad you like would you :((

if you squint or if you’ve read insufferable, this is most probably taehyung and his y/n!!!

taehyung is personally more than willing to pay himself out of this project

oKAY LISTEN

he’s not the proudest knowing that he comes from a rich family and he’s the only kid and he’s never really struggled for much

everything was just given to him without any hesitations whatsoever

and yeah he admits that he can nEVER admit that his pampered and luxurious lifestyle since birth has shaped him to be this way and it’s hard to unlearn these types of things

things were too easy for him and thAt’s what made it hard

tae is the farthest thing from an outcast..,.,.,.,

.,.,. but that’s him in his usual rich boi bubble of elites wherever he goes because he’s surrounded by people like him

hoseok and jimin have got to be his closest friends but of course they pursued business degrees and everyone must’ve probably saw that coming

nobody, however, expected the kim taehyung to pursue a degree based rootly on passion and even major in it

yeah that’s right what are yOU looking at???

he’s an art student and yeah he’s taking this seriously ://

do yOU have a problem with that?? do you?? no what did you say?? step the fuck up ky-

spoiler alert: people do have a problem with that

taehyung could tell that his parents did a complete 180 when they learned through jimin’s noisy-ass mouth (not even through their own son) that he’s gonna be getting an art degree

his dad’s the one who’s most especially disappointed at him because well he’s the only child and uhhhh.,.,.,, so who’s gonna inherit the company now.,.,,,

tae normally feels selfish and this time, he felt like he was being rational rather than being selfish!! this is what he passionately wants!! pls god can i be selfish oNE more time

eventually his parents had no choice because as their son explained,, having an art degree won’t keep him away from the family business at all and he could even expand it!! he doesn’t need a degree!!! 

lmao he’s been putting the money he gets on the stock market ever since he was ten years old

and they had to accept it eventually because this is what HE wants and if this is the only thing that he wants... then might as well help him through it, right??

now this is another dilemma

taehyung’s applied at a regular university in which everyone’s blended together and no one really cares about who’s who

it’s not exclusive to people like him.

he submitted his requirements and his portfolios by himself!!

and he got accepted!!

he’s nOT SURE if it’s purely because of his skills and himself and not his parents’ money nor influence

whatever it is, he doesn’t want to know because if it ends up being the answer he doesn’t want?? lol he’d crawl into a hole and mope for a week and would be doomed to wear three-piece suits for the rest of his life 

so anyways

yeah..,, this is one of the handful of times that taehyung is completely willing to pay himself out 

this project was supposed to be easy enough as what the professor said but uH he’d like to passive-aggressively decline pls and thank you

their final project was to make a portrait

right?? easy!!

a portrait of sOMEONE IN CAMPUS,,, regardless if you know them or not

(( well of course you’d get to know them by the end because yea they’re required to show proof that they indeed met and the model did agree to be painted ))

and by the end of the project, it’s either they keep it to themselves or give it to the model!!

that should be easy, right??

...

....

...... pls say right

oh my god tae should probably drop out now so he doesn’t get to do this

rich people don’t necessarily have to be educated, right???? maybe he’ll just settle into being a himbo 

he learned about the meaning of the word through urban dictionary that he tHEN only learned about like six months ago and now he gets so many things

taehyung’s not intimidated by the workload of it all -- in fact, he’s even excited about it because it helps him relax!!

what he’s intimidated about is the fact that he’s kim taehyung and there are only two possible options

either his model would be someone who knows him and would be taking every possible step to ensure that they climb the social ladder through him and they’re not even gonna be dISCREET about it

OR

his model wouldn’t completely care about who he is and in the process belittles him upfront and tbh his hart wouldn’t be able to take that and he’s probably wipe his tears away with dollar bills

there is almost no in-between, that one he’s sure of

so why are you like this?

why are you neither of the two and why are you sO kind and go against his expectations????

do you have an ulterior motive or something????

you who’s a biochem major and is actually another building away from his own

you who’s made the initiative that you become hIS model

you who actually oFFERED and almost begged to be a part of a project that would only be for tae’s benefit

... aha

that’s about -5 points from being a cool laid-back nonchalant gal

+10 for looking like someone who’s had a massively obsessive crush on him since day one and looking like you’d lay his life for him

no but lmao actually you just learned about taehyung in a magazine

you were bored at the dentist’s and scrolled through every possible outlet in your phone and it didn’t satiate you anymore!!! so how about reading a good ol’ magazine :D

then came taehyung

it was a whole issue dedicated to him and you were probably too dedicated into reading it that this time it was you telling the dentist to wait lol

that’s as far as you knew about him

and then you learned just some weeks ago that taehyung happens to study where you also study at and that was.,., inch resting

you never really saw him before around campus because it was too big and well maybe if you put in the effort, you’d actually find him

maybe you had a tiny lil admiration for kim taehyung just from one whole issue alone you read at the dentist’s or whatever

you’ve only known about this final project situation through changbin!!!

changbin, your neighbor at the apartment next to you, who’d crash over whenever his wifi feels the tiniest bit slow

yes you did spend a little more money to upgrade your internet situation (most times it’s the router who makes all the difference) because you were so tIRED of having things slow in the middle of researching for your projects in biochem)

no you will nOT have that <3

and of course changbin’s not having your that shitty wifi either so he pushed you to get that in the first place so he can use it too lmao

he’s told you just a couple of days ago about his final project and that maybe, just maybe, he’d make it into a move for this girl that he likes

nothing’s more romantic than pleading for someone to paint ur face right

and your grade and the decision to whether you’re gonna pass or flunk and graduate or retake are relying on you mostly

and in changbin’s case it’s also hIS heart on the line so yeah no pressure at all luv

“i kinda feel bad for rich kid kim, y’know?”

“what about taehyung???”

“eW do you have a crush on him??”

“addressing someone by their name equals to a crush??????”

your banters never stop because you’re as quick-witted as him and he both loves and hates it

he loves that omg someone can keep up with him and that way he gets challenged to always have the last say!!

he hates that oh god why is he friends with someone who reminds him of himself so much how is hE gonna deal with that??

sometimes he’ll purposely argue with you to fEEL something lmao

but there’s just something here that tells him you’re a little more interested now in this flow of conversation ever since rich kid kim was mentioned

“hm, nothing. i’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a model yet.”

he dodges you in the kitchen to look for peanut butter in your cupboard and oddly... you’re not berating him for decreasing your groceries....?

what does changbin mean by that? whAt model?? model as in taehyung doesn’t have the newest model of whatever car he wants? or maybe he has a model girlfriend and-

hold on wait wHAT

taehyung has a-

“m-model?”

he looks at you weirdly but you don’t even bat an eye when he gets ahold of your marshmallow spread so that he could make another one of his s’mores sandwiches

“uhhhh model as in he doesn’t have someone to paint for our project??”

is that what you wanted to hear or,.,

you and changbin share one (1) brain cell and it SHOWS

the two of you have to open your mouths, then close, then ponder, and then do that aGAIN until the both of you could finally grasp if you were in the same page

“oh cool!! i’ll be his model then!”

“yeah but did he ask”

“it’s gonna be easy!! i’ll just tag along with you to your building”

“yeah but did he aSK”

“we’re probably gonna hit it off instantly and then you’ll have to leech off from someone else for their wifi and food and every other necessity that you already have-”

“yeah but dID HE ASK????”

long-story short: no. taehyung most certainly did not ask you to be his model.

but here you are

saying that you came a long way is a bit of a stretch because taehyung mostly turns his head the other way around when you call out to him in public

progress is still progress :D

you’re eating lunch with him at the same table and this time you’re sat beside him!! when normally he’d just walk home to his apartment (lol that’s not allowed but you won’t be surprised to know that he has a free pass) and eat!!!

before that, taehyung would gLARE at you until you stop asking to sit with him in his table

yea he gets a bit lonely at time because jimin and hobi aren’t with him and hE’S the outcast but he won’t do anything about it,, just scroll through his phone while he eats and tune everyone out

you figured that maybe it’s changbin always linked with you in lunch because your schedules just matched up thAt perfectly like it does with tae’s

hee-hee so you might have elbowed him until he begrudgingly agreed to be tolerable, keep atleast four feet of distance from you, and not call tae rich kid kim

spoiler alert: taehyung doesn’t really care about whatever you do because doing those changes with changbin did nOT work at all

however

H O W E V E R

taehyung doesn’t know at all how you’ve wormed your way into his heart!!

what seem to be cold to you is his warmest he’s ever been in such a new environment and outside of his usual comfort bubbles!!!

it’s like you occasionally stealing the food from his plate when you have the same thing is the equivalent of h*lding h*nds with him

you putting your leg over his before he pushes it after five seconds mUST be the equivalent to marriage

wait he’s lying

taehyung does know how you’ve wormed your way to his heart

“hi! i’m y/n! :D”

ok u are a little bit sweaty and out of breath from doing all that fast-paced walking for the past ten minutes

your new shoes that you still need to break into further aren’t helping your situation in the slightest bit

honestly? this is all changbin’s fault <3

he unknowingly gave you the sign that you were looking for

if he says yeah five times with five minutes?? okay yeah you’re definitely looking for kim taehyung and offering yourself to become his model

you don’t wanna sound weird but you feel sorry for him and you wanna help him :((

he’s not helping you tho because he has long legs underneath those trousers and it looked like he wouldn’t budge at all not unless you jogged and stopped right in front of him

“hi! i’m y/n!! :D”

“...”

“.....”

tae’s a bit... perplexed

because who’s THIS entity and why are you standing in front of him

...

....

“bye y/n.”

:]

he wants to exit from this situation because oh my god??

why r u like this

he didn’t ASK for your name!!

and he doesn’t even know you and giving him your name honestly won’t do anything and he doesn’t get what’s your motive and-

“oh c’mon!! you didn’t even shake my hand :((”

he feels even more lost as he tries to wrap his head around that uh.....

you uh.... you wanted a handshake??

.....

tae doesn’t even hide his annoyance because it’s clear as day!!!

he’s blatantly tilting his head at you rudely with a blank stare omg take the hint pLEASE

realizing it now you mAY have came on too strong to taehyung that looks confused as ever

“hi, i’m y/n.”

changbin’s by one of the lockers taking pics of you beaming at taehyung and him scowling down to show you later how dumb you look and how you shouldn’t do this at all

okay LISTEN

his personality trait is to immediately assume the worst out of every scenario possible and that way when something slightly less worse happens? that’s a win babie ;D

he became ur friend in the first place because you heard him yelling since he’s at the door right next to yours and you could hEAR him throwing things around as he cusses his laptop

yeah he cusses his laptop what about it??

if you close your eyes hard enough, you could hear him throw his router against the wall (you later learned that he was so close to finishing his digitalization but then his laptop decided to die) before punching the air

(( the friendship started when you knocked vERY gently and offered him to borrow your laptop even if you aren’t done with all your homework ))

((( changbin thought at first that u were such an organized and too-friendly social butterfly who’s a kiss-ass to everyone but now he thinks ur the coolest person ever and he treasures you more than life itself )))

although, taehyung’s a lot more vicious and closed-off and critical than changbin

he narrows his gaze at you as you introduce yourself for the second time before merely clicking his tongue

“ok cool”

is that uhm

is that IT good sir

“you’re not,” you’re dancing around your words and being careful to not let a pout grace your lips at the sheer lack of enthusiasm, “gonna introduce yourself to me??”

you got a reaction alright

taehyung sCOFFS and that’s the loudest he’s ever been with you in the span of two minutes

“you followed me for ten minutes just to tell me your name. kinda seems like you already know mine if you do that, no?”

this is why you took up biochem instead of law

how do the lawyers not break down???

why does phoenix wright make it seem SO easy?? especially when he’s spoken to in a confrontal tone???

oh god taehyung broke you already

not to be rude but uh what do you wANT

can you get it over already??

“o-oh! uhm i was wondering if i could uHm,” you sound ridiculous now that you think about it and this is perhaps one of the only times you feel embarrassed, “volunteer to be your model for your project?”

hmm

was that a wrong answer,,,

sHOULD YOU HAVE SAID THAT??

“are you in my class?”

taehyung asks and he’s finally said a sentence to you!!! omg

you’re quite shocked so he had to click his tongue to get you to answer 

“no, actually!! i’m a biochem major and-...”

that’s all it takes before he hums and nods his head

and for some reason taehyung looks at you like you’re pREY

“are you a stalker?”

okay wait holy fuck wHAT

you know what

you took a sip from changbin’s coffee half an hour ago but why are you only choking on it nOW

you’re positively sputtering and now ur pressured bc tae thinks you’re a stalker!!! a damn stalker!!

“looked at you long enough. i don’t need a sketch artist and i could just-”

no no no pls no

this meeting is going downhill very quickly 

“oh my god taehyung i’m nOT a stalker okay!!!”

that shuts him up because your voice is so firm and okAY then how do u explain this stalker smh ://

throughout the whole time you’re talking about changbin being an art major and also your neighbor and everything in between, tae has such a neutral expression that you feel so intimidated

“-and that’s what!! i’m not taking advantage of you or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking i guess? i swear!!”

he listened and well if he’s being honest,,, okay yea you did make sense and he does know changbin

“okay then. i’ll think about it.”

“are you gonna give me your number???”

it’s either you’re so forward or he’s just not used to being caught off-guard

WHICH FUCKING ONE

“what for?”

it’s been so long ever since someone asked taehyung for his number

usually in galas and any other socialite gatherings you could think of, everyone’s number would just be in your phone automatically and you won’t even rEMEMBER how it got there in the first place

better yet, it’s been so long since he went back to his usual routine lifestyle of being himself 

his last gala was two weeks ago and tae had to keep looking at his phone to study pdfs and whatever clear pictures he can get of his reviewers back at home because he had a test tomorrow morning

“so you could text me where we’re gonna meet so you could paint me, silly!!”

:D

okay wOAH there

“i didn’t even say that you’d be my model????”

“lol but you were thinking it huh”

that’s it

taehyung has nO choice but to paint you if he wants to finish this project and graduate and have something of a thicker paper to flaunt

it came as a shock to him that hE took your offer and he could only imagine its effect on you

not to brag but tae didn’t even have to sweat for a little because it’s yOU who came to him with this offer!! not him!!

tae lives in the classiest apartment here in uni and everyone probably knows that

much to his insistence that he doesn’t want anyone from uni going outside his apartment, he had to take an L and invite you over

he wouldn’t risk doing his work in any place else because he doesn’t want anyone thinking and getting the wrong idea!!

speaking of, he’s regretting it now because you seem to be too happy being in his space

you’re pointing around and being awed at every possible thing!!! 

what??? is this ur first time seeing a rattan hanging chair :// or a massive couch?? or a canvas painting of something so beautiful?? all of that in what’s supposed to be a student’s one apartment??? christ y/n get yourself together

“so what do you want me to do?? where do i sit oR do i stand instead?? i’m gonna need you to know that-...”

“nothing.” taehyung deadpans before he gets his camera so he could get digital shots as well if ever he needs an extra touch when it comes to his final product

the gears in your head are going bRRR and you’re gonna have to ask him to elaborate but taehyung already sets the pace

“nothing. just be your rEALLY annoying self and pretend i’m not here.”

normally you don’t take his words to heart but this one just hits a little close to home bc it’s early in the morning and taehyung already finds you intolerable

“by pretend, do you mean-...”

“up to you. are you more annoying around me or no?”

how did he read your MIND

tae got the thoughts in your head word per word and you’re so amazed at that because fUcK you originally thought that he’s good at bluffing his way up

click!

it’s you smiling at him

no you’re beaming at him

and you’re in front of his morning-lit curtains and you’re against the light

the portrait itself is already visually appealing and satisfying and man the shadows!!! the value!!!! they’re so raw and dreamy and this is exactly his style!!!

it was just a one-take wonder as soon as he took a picture of you!!! and he may have you to hold that position if he needs the push!! he just needs to translate it to canvas with his own language and emotions and then he’s dONE!!

you’re a pain in the ass

you laugh and you move too much

taehyung had you to to revisit that pose and hold it and you wouldn’t stop giggling bc you were too proud that you did THAT!

you also ask too many things that even hE doesn’t have the answers to

how is he supposed to know if red string lovers exist when you went into a spiel just because you saw a red tube of paint???? and why is he saying his opinions on such trivial things when he has his final project to take care of???

and how is he supposed to know why YOU’RE here hanging out with him instead of finishing your own final project

jk maybe it’s the L word but you’re gonna subdue that as much as possible since taehyung looks like he’d leave you by yourself with any chance that he gets

and you even call him terms of endearment!!! nicknames!! pet names!! names that you’d call someone who’s familiar to you and you probably l*ve!!!

angel

that’s what you call him :))

“why do you call me that?”

“because you look like one”

“and how would yOU know what angels look like??”

“because if they were to exist then you’d probably look like one!!”

“but-”

“ok that’s one minute no more questions taehyung <3″

tae just provides you with all the conviction you need to take care of him without even knowing

not in a maternal type of instinct type of way, but rather in a sPECIAL someone type of way

you find yourself caring for him mOre than you ever could for any regular friend you have!!

you just throw a whole loaf of bread to changbin and call it a day

but for tae??? you go above and beyond!!

“did it ever hit you that rich kid kim never really introduced himself to you?”

oh right....

changbin points out one day and you could see where he was getting at

for some reason he always knew what was in your mind at any given time and sometimes it’s to your disadvantage

you seem to be growing on taehyung though!!

he tolerates you better now!!

sometimes he’ll find you loveable even

he likes having someone around and you’re the perfect contender

if he decides to not talk too much, then you fill up the white noise!!

if he wants you to shut up?? then yOU shut up but of course not without babbling for a little

he’s opened up but with some reservations

some reservations that you don’t mind but it’s normal that you feel sometimes left out, y’know??

because it’s been a good month since you and taehyung properly interacted but he still resents you as much if you think about it

“hey angel!!”

“what is it-...”

taehyung looks up from his meal that he’s been poking at his fork because this has to be the fourth time you call out to him

so he turns to look at you and-

oh

uhm

there seems to be a misunderstanding

you weren’t calling HIM

you were calling out to some other guy that iSN’T him

that’s seungmin!!! omg you haven’t seen him in so long and he just happened to pass by your lunch table!!!

apparently he has something to talk to you about which is why you’re standing up and leaving tae all alone on the table

seungmin’s smile is adorable as always and he gets you in a pretty good mood!!

oh god

dear gOD

what is taehyung feeling in his chEST???

tae’s grip on his fork is starting to get pRETTY tight

and if he’s aware enough, his right eye’s twitching and he’s practically scoffing under his breath

why tf would you call him that

WHO is angel and why is it nOT him anymore????

what he’s feeling is just unexplainable and it tastes something like betrayal

“who’s he?”

he quizzes you as soon as you get back to your table and you don’t waver one bit because you know he’s been asking questions recently

“oh that’s just seungmin!! we were childhood friends then he just transferred here awhile-...”

there’s a bitter taste on his tongue and it shows up in his face and you’re not even paying attention to him!!

“really? thought i was him for a second.”

ok now that got you to stop eating

????

why is he acting weird

taehyung looks even more irked because you look sO oblivious right now

“do you call everyone angel?”

o-oh where is this going

“uhm-”

you’re not even finished and to be honest you’re quite lost and taehyung sCOFFS you to the next century

“‘course you do.”

taehyung angrily finishes his meal and you leave it at that because ok maybe he had a bad day?? and he’s just taking it out on you??

and well tae DOESN’T want you to leave it at that

he wants you to ASK him why he’s mad!!! he’s passive-aggressive and it’s getting unhealthy but he’d rather choke than have him spill whatever he’s feeling

the next few days, taehyung avoids you like his LIFE depended on it

you’re not really bothered by it because he has his days, but this one’s just getting out of control

“are you giving me a time-out or something??”

lmao what did u do now

you nudge him when you see him by changbin’s apartment to borrow an easel even though he’s already got it by his apartment

yeah he’s mad at you and he’s petty but maybe he wants to see you again

tae’s giving you silent treatment and you don’t even question him for it

you don’t bother!!

you’re letting him do whatever he wants as always and he dOESN’T like it anymore!!!

he feels like he’s gonna combust at any given time and you don’t give a shit and he feels like yOU should give a shit because you always do!!

you always hover and worry around him but wHY does he feel like you’re not doing it anymore??

why does he yEARN FOR YOU???

it’s quite an an early night for you

you love biochem but sometimes it kicks your ass and it makes you retch at the mention of all-nighters nowadays!! bc they used to be fun but now doing them because you nEED to?? no thx

you’re already in your pajamas and you’re all washed up!! what could changbin need from you at 9 in the evening??

there’s an urgent knocking on your door and you resist the need to groan because you were about to really knock yourself out!! you need to get back all the rest you’ve wasted over your own final project

is that-

“taehyung?”

the man in question is in his huge yellow hoodie that swallows him up every time and he looks positively spent

his hair’s shaggy and his eyes are glazed and there’s a pink tint to his cheeks :((

he’s holding a baby hydroflask in his hands and you’re pretty sure that’s alcohol in there lol

“don’t call me taehyung!!”

he immediately snaps and you’re lost as aLWAYS

did he really just walk all the way to your complex to snAp at you??

“i’m not taehyung,” he frowns deeply and that’s when you’re a bit more mesmerized, “i’m angel.”

is this what you think it is??

your no.1 deflection move is to laugH and you’re doing that rn

something about this whole situation tickles you funny and you’re not sure what to feel about it

“i like your bottle!! i should get one for myself!!”

he could see right through you though

he ignores your stOOpid statements and goes to hold your hands :((

“no, no. i’m your angel. i-i’m your taehyung, right??”

listen

taehyung is the most confusing being you know and he’s so emotionally constipated that he outperforms changbin but this one,,,

this just feels so different

he’s hugging you

he’s embracing you

he’s burrowing his face to your neck and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t ever imagine what this would feel like :(((

he positively 100% might be in love with you

and you positively 100% might be in love with him too

he’s fishing for your hand by your side to put in between your bodies as he shakes it and that’s because he doesn’t wanna let go of the hug 

:((((

you’re melting and this what heaven must feel like :((((

“h-hi. name’s kim taehyung and i’m yours.”

[sfb123]

Sapere Aude - Part 11

Book: The Royal Heir

Pairing: King Liam Rys x Queen Riley Brooks

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Catch Up Here

Series Description: I developed a theory of what I think will happen in TRH Book 4, and I was encouraged by some very lovely people to turn my theory into a fic, so here it is. Basically, Riley is recruited to join the Via Imperii, this series will follow her as she joins them to try and bring them down from the inside, and all of the drama and bombshells she learns along the way. Sapere Aude is Latin for “dare to know” it seemed like an appropriate title.

Rating: PG-13 Adult language, discussions of death, conspiracy, blackmail, and other adult themes.

Warning: The Royal Heir Book 3 Spoilers all over the place.

Disclaimer: I have no current affiliation with any other Via Imperii themed stories. Any claims that I have pre-read anything are false.

Word Count: 2,909

A/N: First of all, I have a couple of new readers (hi, thank you, I love you) if this is your first Sapere Aude, stop here, go back, and start from the beginning. This series has a lot of bombs and surprises, so none of this is going to make sense, and it’s going to make it less exciting if you aren’t reading from the beginning. 

Sorry, another long wait for a chapter. I got stuck, and distracted, and like a million other things. The Choices Insider email last week kind of lit a fire under me. When I started writing this (in December) the plan was to have it finished before the last book came out, so I have like a month to get through this. I’m going full out on getting this completed now, I will be working on nothing but this until it is done, and am hoping to finish it in time for the next book to come out so that PB has plenty of time to steal my ideas. 

This chapter took a while for me to work through, but @jessiembruno was amazing and helped me every step of the way, and got like a million rambling text messages from me once the idea dam finally broke. And then pre-reading and leaving me some amazing love notes, and super helpful suggestions. She also kept encouraging me, and pushing me to work on it when my mind would wander into new ideas, or thoughts on some other random WIP that I started throwing together. I love you, and I am so grateful for this friendship that goes way beyond any of this. By the way, you are an AMAZING writer, and I will continue to shout it from the mountain tops as long as I live. 

As always with this series, I need to thank @txemrn for pre-reading. I was having SUCH a miserable day and feeling so shitty about myself (for non-fandom reasons), and your reactions to this chapter made me laugh out loud for the first time in what felt like forever. I appreciate you so much my dear friend. 

And of course, thank you @twinkleallnight for my beautiful series moodboard. 

Tags: Listed below, you know the drill. 

Liam exited the bedroom and walked toward the sitting area. He paused at the end of the hallway to observe his wife and his daughter sitting on the couch. Riley had her blouse in hand, sewing on the button Olivia sent her for her undercover mission. She was showing Eleanor how to sew, talking her through every stitch. The princess was watching and listening intently, taking in every word her mother said. 

He leaned his right shoulder against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest as he admired his family. He didn’t understand how it was possible to fall even more in love every time he looked at them. All he wanted in this world was their happiness and safety, and now here he was, sending his wife straight to the enemy. 

“Hi Daddy!” The angelic voice of his daughter pulled him from his thoughts. 

“Hi Princess. Are you being a good helper for mommy?” He lifted Eleanor off the couch and sat in her seat, placing her on his lap. 

“Best helper a girl could ask for.” Riley held her hand out, palm up, and Eleanor gave her a high five. 

Liam enjoyed the company of his family for a few more moments, before placing a kiss on his daughter’s cheek. “Alright Eleanor, why don’t you go play in your room for a little while? Mommy and daddy have to talk about grown up things.”

“Yes, daddy. Will you come play after?” 

“Of course, I believe I am owed a tea party.” He gave her a hug before setting her down and watching her run to her room. When she was gone, he turned his attention back to Riley. “How are you feeling, love?”

Riley cut the lingering thread from the button and placed her blouse on the table in front of them before responding. “I mean, obviously I’m nervous, but I’m optimistic that I’ll come back with something we can use. How are you feeling?”

He sighed and pulled her close to him, kissing the top of her head as it landed on his chest. “Riley, I love how much you worry about me, but let me worry about you right now. Let me be your support system. Tell me truly, how are you feeling?”

“I’m...I’m terrified.” She pulled back and looked him in the eyes, tears beginning to pool in her own. “I’m trying so hard to be strong, to put on a brave face, but this is fucking terrifying. We don’t know how deep it goes, we know some of the people that are involved, but how do we know that that’s everyone?”

“You’re right, there are a lot of unknowns, and that’s scary.” He cupped her face in his hands, wiping a falling tear with his thumb. “But I truly believe that we are going to end this. That you are going to end this. Don’t forget, you are the Champion of The Realm.”

“Yeah, but I’m sleeping with the guy who makes those decisions, he may have been a little biased.” She shrugged, half joking. 

Liam removed his hands, his expression becoming more serious. “Riley, that’s not funny. You have earned every single thing you have received since you arrived in this country, our country. I don’t ever want you to believe that my feelings for you overrule my judgement when it comes to your abilities. You are the strongest person I have ever met. If anyone can do this, it’s you.”

“IF anyone can do this. What if nobody can?”

“Then we will face the fallout together. Like we always do, like we always will. We are the King and Queen of Cordonia, Liam and Riley Rys. We are a force to be reckoned with.” He raised an eyebrow as he parroted back her reassuring words from a few nights before. 

She smirked at him. “Hey, no fair, you can’t use my own words to prove your point like that.” 

“Yes I can, old negotiation tactic.” He winked at her and stood from the couch reaching for her hand. “Come on, we still have the whole day ahead of us. Let’s go have a tea party with our daughter, then I’m taking my girls out for dinner.”

****

Two days later, Riley was sitting in the back of an SUV heading toward the Fierro Estate. She was doing her best to quell her nerves, but she couldn’t help her hands from fidgeting in her lap. 

“You seem on edge, ma’am. Is everything ok?” The sound of Mara’s voice cut through the silence, startling Riley. 

“Oh...yeah, I’m fine Mara. I’m just not really sure what to expect from this meeting. Last time I went to one of these events, I found out my mother in law wasn’t actually dead. I don’t know if I could handle another surprise like that.”

Mara chuckled at her concern. “Don’t worry your majesty, this is a simple strategy meeting followed by a dinner. You have met all of the members, so there will be no surprise guests this time around.”

Riley nodded and turned her head, watching the scenery pass by as they continued to their destination. Her mind was racing thinking about what this meeting would have in store. She practiced taking pictures with the pen, and activating the recorder she had sewn into her shirt. As they got closer to the estate, she felt her heart rate speed up, and the knot in her stomach tighten.

When they arrived, Riley was ushered into the grand room, which had been set up with a large table. The other members were standing around in small groups chatting until it was time for the meeting to begin. Riley fidgeted with the pen, twirling it in her fingers before lifting it to her face and tapping it against her chin and clicking it several times. She hoped it came off as a nervous habit, providing cover for the fact that she was actually taking pictures around the room. 

She gasped and nearly jumped out of her skin at the feeling of a hand gently being placed on her shoulder. She whipped around to see Eleanor smiling softly at her. “Riley dear, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Oh, Eleanor. Hello.” Riley held her hand to her chest, trying to get her heart rate back to normal. “It’s ok, I’m just a little nervous. Not really sure what to expect from this meeting.”

“Don’t worry, I promise it’s just regular business, nothing earth shattering. Come on, it’s time to get this started, and you’re sitting next to me.” Eleanor wrapped her arm around Riley and led her to the table. The other guests took this as their cue to follow, as the meeting was about to get underway. As Riley sat, she adjusted her skirt and blouse, using the opportunity to activate the microphone embedded in her button. 

As the chapter president, Eleanor kicked off the meeting by greeting their newest member, Queen Riley, and explaining that she was there to help push their initiatives though with the King. Riley clenched her fist ever so slightly, a trick she used when she was trying to keep her expression neutral. They continued on, reviewing the minutes of the last meeting, it all seemed to be pretty mundane, things that wouldn't even necessarily cross hers or Liam’s desk. 

Then they opened up the floor to new business, and Neville stood to address the room. “I would like to revisit the Auvernal alliance.”

Riley was able to maintain her stoic expression, but her body tensed at the mention of Auvernal. She and Liam had made it perfectly clear that there would be no alliance. “I don’t believe there is anything to revisit there.” She chimed in. “King Liam and I determined that the alliance would not be beneficial for Cordonia.”

“Actually, I believe you determined the alliance would not be beneficial to you and your husband.” Neville rebutted, crossing his arms over his chest. “You didn’t want to marry off your daughter, you didn’t bother thinking of what the alliance could bring to our country.”

“Are you questioning the decisions of your monarchs? I urge you to remember your station, Lord Neville.” Riley raised an eyebrow and stood a bit taller. 

Neville scoffed at her threat. “And I urge you to remember that you may have slept your way to the top in Cordonia, but the Via Imperii is bigger than the monarchy, and in this society, I outrank you.”

“Well, if being the Queen doesn’t matter in this room, then there is nothing stopping me from coming over there and beating your a...”

“Ok ok ok, let’s all calm down here.” Eleanor grabbed Riley’s arm, stopping her from charging at Neville. “Let’s all sit down and have a rational conversation, weighing out the pros and cons of an alliance.” Riley and Neville both sat down and exchanged narrow glances. “Now Neville, since you have brought this proposal to the group, you will go first. Please explain to us your thought process on revisiting the alliance.”

Neville nodded and smirked at Riley. “It is clear that combining the financial security of Cordonia with the military strength of Auvernal would make us an unstoppable force. Besides, we need the extra protection given our country’s recent history.” He glared at Riley once again.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Riley huffed. 

“Look at the instability we have faced in recent years. Our crown prince abdicated, his successor, our current king, broke off a perfectly suitable engagement to marry a foreign commoner who was marred in scandal.”

“He released a statement that cleared that whole thing up. The scandal is irrelevant.” She could feel her cheeks heating up.

“Do you really think people stopped talking about it? You can’t really believe that it won’t be a part of your legacy as our Queen.” 

Riley slouched down in her seat. She knew she should remain composed, but bringing up the Tariq scandal hit a nerve that she didn’t know still existed. One of her biggest concerns in continuing her relationship with Liam, and accepting his proposal, was that his success as King would be overshadowed by the scandal she had faced. She had thought that after all these years, it would have been forgotten, but Neville bringing it up just brought everything back up and made her realize it would be something that was attached to her name forever. 

“Besides the personal problems our royal family has faced, there have been multiple attempts to overthrow them just within our own country. Sons of Earth, Duke Godfrey, Barthelemy Beaumont, just to name a few. Other countries are seeing this, and it won’t be long before they try to come for us as well.” Neville continued. 

“While I don’t agree with his delivery, Lord Neville does make some valid points.” Emmeline interjected, the rest of the room began murmuring in agreement. Riley couldn’t hide her shocked expression as she felt tears start to build up in her eyes. She blinked them away, she was not going to give them the satisfaction of seeing their queen cry. 

Eleanor took back control of the room before turning to Riley. “Riley, would you like to counter? You and Liam worked directly with Auvernal during the marriage alliance talks, you clearly have some insight that we may not be privy to.”

Riley took a deep breath to get her emotions under control before standing to address the room. “Aside from the fact that Bradshaw and Isabella are deplorable people with hell spawn children, the main reason that we decided an alliance was not in the best interest of Cordonia, was because it was clear that their interest was not an alliance, but a hostile takeover of our country.”

“Perhaps we would prosper under their rule. I haven’t heard of any coup attempts in Auvernal, it seems to me like they’re doing something right.” Neville spoke up. 

“So that’s it then? You all think Bradshaw and Isabella would do a better job as your king and queen, so I’m just supposed to convince Liam to relinquish the throne?” Riley threw her hands up in frustration and stepped away from the table. 

“Your majesty, we’re not making the final decision right here, right now, we just want to remain open to the idea and explore some options.” Emmeline tried to talk Riley down. “Perhaps you and King Liam could take a meeting with them, a friendly lunch maybe, just to open the lines of communication.”

“This is ridiculous. I can’t believe you all expect me to agree with this!” Riley was now pacing the room, overcome with a nervous energy.

Eleanor stood and lifted a hand to quiet the room. “Alright, that’s enough. I think we’ve gotten as far as we’re going to get with this conversation tonight. Dinner is being set out in the dining hall. I suggest we adjourn for the day. Let’s all compose ourselves and think about all sides of this conversation. We will pick up the conversation at the next meeting.”

As the members started filing out of the room, Eleanor approached Riley and gently placed her hand on her arm to keep her still. “Are you alright Riley?” 

Riley shrugged Eleanor’s hand off of her, anger clear on her face. “Of course I’m not alright. I basically just had a room full of my subjects telling me that my husband and I are doing a shitty job, and they think those monsters are better suited to look out for their best interests. Of course I’m not fucking alright!” Riley moves in closer, lowering her voice but not losing any of the anger in her tone. “I thought you were here doing this to protect Liam. Do you really think that this is protecting him? Handing his kingdom over to Auvernal?!”

“Riley, I always have Liam’s best interests at heart, I promise you that. Why don’t you head home, take a couple of days to relax and take everything in. I will set up a meeting for you and I later this week to talk about everything and work out a game plan.”

“Fine, I can’t stay here anymore anyway. And I definitely don’t have an appetite for dinner.” Riley walked out of the room, looking for Mara so that they could get back to the palace. She stepped into the dining area and saw Mara standing in the far corner talking to Neville. She clenched her jaw and took a deep breath before approaching the pair. “Mara, we will not be staying for dinner. We are returning to the palace immediately. I want to be home to put my daughter to bed.” She wasn’t going to give Neville the satisfaction of knowing she was leaving because of what he started. 

“Of course, your majesty.” Mara nodded and exited with Riley. 

The ride home was silent. In all the years that Mara had worked for Riley, she had never seen her this upset. She wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it, or what would be considered overstepping her duties, so she decided to stay quiet and let Riley speak, if she wanted to. She didn’t. 

They arrived at the palace and walked together to the royal quarters. As Riley placed her hand on the doorknob to enter, Mara cleared her throat to get her attention. “Your majesty, I know this was a difficult evening for you, but I do feel I need to remind you that discretion is key in the Via Imperii. His majesty cannot know what happened tonight. You will need to lock those feelings away for the time being.”

Riley pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded. She knew she was going to fall into Liam's arms and cry the second she saw him, and then she would tell him everything, but she couldn’t let Mara know that. “Liam and I will be staying in for the rest of the night. You are dismissed for the evening.” Riley walked into her quarters and shut the door before Mara had a chance to respond. 

As soon as she closed the door, she leaned back against it and dropped her head into her hands. Liam came walking into the room, the smile that appeared on his face when he heard the front door open quickly faded as he took in the sight of his wife sobbing at the front door. “Riley?” She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face as she tried to catch her breath. He rushed over to her and pulled her close, she buried her head in his chest as he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head trying unsuccessfully to soothe her. “Shhhh, it’s alright love, I’m right here, I’ve got you. Tell me what happened.”

Riley could barely speak, but she slowly tried to explain everything that had happened that night. Liam walked her to the couch as she spoke, she needed to sit, anything to help her relax and calm down. He stared at her in disbelief as he listened to his wife tearfully recap her evening. 

On the other side of the door, Mara pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket, selecting one of the contacts and bringing the phone to her ear. “My lord, you were right. We will need to put your plan in motion.”

Permatag:

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Sapere Aude:

@burnsoslow @busywoman @gardeningourmet @ofpixelsandscribbles

Liam x Riley:

@jared2612

Liam:

@amandablink @yourmajesty09