#will I ever stop rambling about this? probably not

[a-babe-without-a-name]

Sit Next To Me

Chapter 6: Only For You

You had created two rules for yourself.

Rule One: You could do whatever you wanted. Get the degree you want, party when you want, cancel plans when you want, love who you want. Whatever you really wanted to do, you were going to do, anxiety and guilt free.

Rule Two: You could do whatever you wanted, except for have relationships with classmates. No sex, no dating. If they were on the same course roster as you, they were off limits.

Easy enough, right?

…Right?

Viktor x Female!Reader - 18+

A.N. I saw 'sorry this took so long' for every chapter, but this is probably the one with the biggest gap. I'm semi-sorry , semi-not because this is the longest chapter I've written so far (14.3k words). It's also 3 am, but I am determined to post. So here it is. I hope everyone loves it. Very mild content warnings on AO3. Have fun, I love you all dearly <3 (more author notes may appear in the replies)

A link to the playlist for this chapter is in the replies!

EDIT: Shout out to @cicadastoner for letting me ramble some ideas to them and figure things out.

Read on AO3

October officially ushered out the last days of summer. Replacing the sunny days with falling leaves and the excitement of a fresh semester with mid-term blues. Unlike all the past semesters, you were fairly unbothered this term. Of your courses, only Hiemerdinger’s class had an official midterm exam. The rest didn’t bother and instead continued assignments as normal. It was clear you were one of the few to be spared the anxieties. 

Viktor had gotten to class before you. You found him glaring down at the textbook in front of him and tugging his normally neat hair into a mess of cowlicks, his leg jumping like it was trying to run away from his body. As you got closer to him, you could tell that he wasn’t exactly looking at anything in particular. Just staring at the table, the muscles around his eyes twitching almost imperceptibly and the soft skin darker than you had ever seen it.

“Morning,” You said, sliding into your seat next to him, waiting for a response that didn’t come. You tilted your head at him, lips pursed, “Viktor?”

Nothing. You felt bad thinking about how pretty he looked when he was upset. The already strong lines of his face were that much more prominent, his eyes were darker, his whole demeanor more intense. He let out a shaky breath through his nose, still seemingly unaware of your presence.

“Viktor?” You asked again, then reached out and placed a firm hand on his knee, stopping the motion, “Vik?”

He sucked in a harsh breath, turning to you with wide eyes. He blinked a few times, registering where he was.

“Sorry,” He shook his head lightly, heaving a sigh before saying your name, “Goodmorning.”

“Are you okay?” You squeezed his knee, still shaking slightly, “Did you get any sleep last night?”

“Uh, yeah,” He straightened up, placing his palm over the back of your hand, “Yeah, no I didn’t, I guess, sorry.”

“You’re starting to sound like me,” You joked, laughing softly, “Sorry, sorry. What’s up? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this anxious?”

“Your American habits are rubbing off on me,” He pulled his hand away and ran it through his hair, he leaned into the back of his chair.

“Really, what’s got you all worked up?” You tried to think if he had mentioned anything coming up that would cause this reaction, “You only have the one midterm test, right? Please tell me you aren’t worried about Heimerdinger's test.”

He hesitated for a moment, picking at the edge of the table and not looking up at you, “And if I said I was?”

“Then I’d tell you that’s dumb and you are the last person that should be worried about this test,” You told him, leaning forward to try to catch his gaze. He met your eyes, seemingly unconvinced. You leaned farther into his space, hoping he believed you when you urged, “Seriously, I mean it.”

He rolled his eyes in response, but fought back a smile as he gently pushed you away, a laugh slipping past his lips, “Okay, whatever you say.”

“If you want help studying, I’m always around,” You teased, “Not like you need it, but still.”

“Well, if I need someone to tell me the wrong pages to study, I’ll keep you in mind,” He teased, smirking over at you.

“Hey, that was one time,” You pouted, face going red thinking about when you had given him the completely wrong chapter to complete homework on.

Before Viktor could reply, Jinx and Ekko arrived at the table holding two more coffees than usual.

“Good morning my lovely lab partners,” Jinx said, extra bubbly as she set the two extra cups down in front of you and Viktor, “My birthday gifts for you.”

“Happy birthday, Jinx,” You smiled up at her as you took the drink, “Thank you.”

“Happy birthday,” Viktor repeated, picking up the cup curiously, “Why do you bring us gifts?”

“Family tradition,” Jinx shrugged as she took her seat, “Spiced anise latte for you, and a cherry mocha for you.”

“Yeah, Vi will do it too, when it’s her birthday,” You told him

“Hm, that’s very sweet. Thank you, Jinx,” He lifted his own cup to his lips. 

“Of course, my gift to everyone else is going to be the best concert and after party this town has ever seen,” Dramatic as ever, “You’re coming to our show, right Vicky?”

“I’m only letting you call me that because it’s your birthday,” Viktor scolded, “Yes, I should be able to come.”

“Should?” You scoffed, hitting him lightly on the leg, “Don’t be lame, you have to come. What else would you be doing?”

He shrugged, “Studying? Working on research?”

“No way,” Ekko said, shaking his head seriously, “You have to come, you’d actually be the worst lab partner in the world if you didn’t show up.”

“Yeah, literally the worst,” Jinx nodded, equally as serious, “We might have to drop you from the group.”

“Yeah, sure.” He rolled his eyes, looking to you for backup.

“Hey, It’s my show, too,” You pointed out, poking him in the chest as you fought back a smile,  “I agree, you don’t come and you're out.”

“Fine, I’ll make sure to be there.” He laughed, waving you away from him.

“Early? And front and center?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Yes ma’am.” He nodded firmly, “It seems my grade depends on it.”

“Sure does,” You told him, glad he seemed to be relieved of his undue test worries. 

------

The rest of class was fairly calm. Jinx made sure to tell as many people as she could about the show, and the ones she liked about the party afterwards. Friday classes were lecture only and Heimerdinger reached the end of his presentation before even that allotted time was up. Everyone was grateful to be released early. As soon as he dismissed the class Jnx was up, practically dragging Ekko behind her on the way to whatever else she had going on today.

“You have plans before the show tonight?” You asked, bumping your shoulder into Viktor’s lightly as everyone filed out of the classroom.

“Other than reading the textbook front to back?” Viktor scoffed, “No.”

“Good, instead of stressing yourself out so much that you take years off your life,” You joked, “Come run some errands with me? I’m picking up a looper from someone on craigslist, and if you're with me the chances that I get human trafficked go down significantly.”

You followed him into the elevator, “Unfortunately, I do not believe I could actually protect you.”

You leaned against the wall as he hit the button for the first floor, you shrugged, “Eh, it’s more about having a witness than actually getting in a fight.” When the doors slid shut without anyone else inside, you moved closer to him. 

“Besides,” You hooked a finger into the belt loop on the back of his jeans, and pulled him flush against you. He gasped softly, looking over his shoulder as you pushed yourself into your toes and rested your chin against his shoulder. One hand was holding the back of his jeans, the other on his waist, “I’m strong enough to take care of myself.”

The curve of his throat jumped as he swallowed hard. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. You watched his face redden in real time, the tips of his ears the darkest. 

“Uh, s-so,” He tried, voice catching before he cleared his throat, “your car or mine?”

You laughed and gave him some space. By the time you reached the ground floor, you were acting innocent as ever and he looked like he had just strolled through the Red District. 

“I’ll drive,” You told him, “I’ve gotta pick up Ekko’s drums anyways, I’ll get you from your place in like thirty?”

“That is good,” He nodded, then he furrowed his eyebrows, glancing down at the ground and back at you, “Why…why did you do that?”

“Got you to stop thinking about the midterm, didn’t it?” You said innocently as you backed away from him towards the side door of the building, “Go home, I’ll see you in a minute.”

-----

You were the most grateful for Viktor coming along when you realized that your only way to reach the apartment building without having to walk a mile was to parallel park. You knew your truck front and back. You have driven practically every day since you earned your license, put thousands of miles on it. Despite this, parallel parking was not a skill in your repertoire. 

“I’m gonna be real honest with you,” You said, truck angled awkwardly half into the spot, “I don’t know how to parallel park.”

“Eh, yes, I have gathered that,” He looked nervously over his shoulder at the traffic slowing and pulling around the front of the truck.

“I’ll just, uh, yeah I’ll just find somewhere else to park,” You laughed nervously, avoiding eye contact with other drivers.

“Wait, here, just calm down,” Viktor undid his seat belt and slid across the bench seat to be next to you, “You can do this, It’s not that hard.”

“Easy for you to say,” You mutter, now overly aware how close he was.

“Hush,” He scolded, and then, “Pull out of the spot, line up with the car in front of us.”

“But I’m already half-way in?” You challenged, hands tight on the steering wheel.

“God above! Will you just do what I tell you for two seconds?” He dragged a hand down his face, voice low. Before you could answer, he grabbed the gearshift and put the car into drive, “Pull. Forward.”

You did as he asked, hoping he contributed the blush creeping up your neck to anxiety. Once you were lined up with the car in front, he let out a sigh, apparently relieved you decided to cooperate.

“Okay, good,” He reached up and put the truck into reverse, “Now back up and pull the wheel right.” You nodded, following his instructions.

“Slowly,” He told you, leaning over to look out the window, muttering half to you half to himself, “There you go, just like that.”

The tone of his voice made you bite down on your lip, grateful he wasn’t looking at you in this moment, “Is that good?”

“Almost,” He said, voice softer as he focused, “Almost there, just a little more right…good now straighten out and pull forward a little bit.”

You did and then hesitated, unsure if you were actually in the spot. He reached over and put the truck into park. 

“There, you did it,” He said leaning closer to the side of your face and huffing out a laugh, voice teasing “I thought you were an independent girl, huh?”

“Excuse you,” You scoffed at him, “I am! I just haven't gained the skill of parallel parking yet.”

  He laughed at the shrug you gave him, “Okay, well, I hope you were paying attention, because next time I’m making you do it on your own.”

You rolled your eyes at him, pulling the keys from the ignition, “Yeah, no I’ve definitely got it down now.”

That was a lie. 

You grabbed your bag and gestured for him to slide out of the truck, following him out the passenger side. The sidewalk was fairly busy, the mid-Friday crowd bustling from downtown shops to restaurants. You stuck close to Viktor, squinting around as you tried to find the right building.

“This guy was supposed to meet me down here,” You huffed, rolling your eyes, “But now apparently he’s too busy to walk down to meet us.”

“What’s the address?” He asked, looking over your shoulder as you pulled up the texts on your phone.

“890 Piltover Main, Unit Seven.” You read from the text, “We’re on the right road and I think it’s on this side.”

Viktor began walking looking at the building numbers, “890, right? This should be it.”

You followed him into an entry alcove, the address number almost completely hidden by ivy growing on the wall. You buzzed apartment seven on the intercom. It only took a moment before the door unlocked with a thunk. 

“Trusting guy,” Viktor mused, pushing open the door for you.

You shrugged, leading the way to the elevator. It was small and creaked when you both stepped inside. You exchanged a worried glance with Viktor. Any other time you would take the stairs, but you weren’t going to leave him to die in the scary elevator alone. You didn’t linger inside when the door squeaked open on the second floor. 

It wasn’t until you knocked on the door that you realized you had lost Viktor. You looked back down the hall to see him stopped in front of a frame on the wall, examining it closely. Before you could ask what he was doing the door swung open. A mid-thirties man stood in the doorway, unfortunately shirtless, an array of poorly done tattoos on display. He leaned on the doorway, cheap cologne making your eyes burn.

“Hey, uh, I’m here for the looper,” You told him, resisting the urge to scrunch your nose at the smell and ignoring the way his eyes scanned over you.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been expecting you,” He said, crossing his arms and adjusting the way he was leaning, an attempt to look more casual, “You’re late.”

“Yeah, sorry, parking was a bitch.” You said, pulling cash out of your pocket, “Twenty, right?”

“Yep,” He swiped his tongue over his bottom lip, his eyes decidedly not on your face, “You want to come in and test it?” 

“No, that’s okay.” You shook your head, glancing over to where Viktor was very unhelpfully down the hall, face close to the glass as he focused.

“Are you sure?” He asked, turning around and leaving the door open, an invitation you weren't taking.

“Vik,” You hissed when the guy was out of earshot. Viktor’s head snapped up, realizing you had gone ahead without him, you waved him over. Quickly he made his way down the hall toward you, his cane echoing each footstep on the warped wood flooring.

“Sorry,” He said, sheepishly ducking his head.

“It’s fine,” You whispered, slipping your hand into his, “but, I did bring you with me for a reason.”

You waited a moment for the man to return. He faltered when he found you still in the doorway with Viktor next to you, his eyes bouncing down to your hand in his. 

“Sorry, I thought you were behind me.” He said, eyeing Viktor like a threat. The looper in his hand.

“No worries,” You held the cash out to him casually, “Here ya go.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in and test it?” He asked, staring at your face, “Make sure it works right?”

“You wouldn’t offer her to test it, ” Viktor interjected, voice low as he raised an eyebrow at the man, “if you knew it didn’t work.”

“Hm, well, I could teach her how to use it.” He said, pointedly.

“I know how to use it,” You assured him, holding your hand out for the equipment, “Thanks anyways.”

When he didn’t hand it over, Viktor took the twenty out of your hand, reaching over and placing the cash in the man's free hand and firmly taking the looper out of the other.

“Pleasure doing business with you,” He said tightly, eyes narrow.

Neither of you waited for a response before turning to leave. You took the looper from him, holding it in one hand and looping your arm through his. Letting him lead you down the hall.

“I agree with Jayce,” He leaned over and whispered, “Don’t ever do this alone, please.”

“Don’t let me do it alone, then,” You told him with a shrug, “Why’d you stop anyways?”

“Blue prints,” He nodded, slowing to a stop in front of the fame he had been looking at earlier, “Old, I’m surprised it’s not kept somewhere safer.”

The blueprints were of the building you were in and the two on either side. They were indeed very old, probably original ones from when the area was first built.

“Hm, cool,” You mused, then teased him, “I’m glad you stopped to look at these instead of keeping me from being murdered.”

“I’m sorry,” He whined, following you as you hit the elevator button, “I forgot that I was to be your guard dog today.”

“If you want to be my guard dog every day,” You teased, squeezing his bicep where your hand still rested, “You won’t forget next time.”

------

The next stop was a music store. Ekko generally managed to break at least one stick during rehearsals, you predicted he’d break a couple more in the heat of the show tonight, and you had been meaning to restring your guitar for a couple weeks now. Better late than never. The store was only a few blocks from where you picked up the looper. You had offered to drive, but Viktor insisted that walking was less painful than watching you attempt to parallel park for a second time that day. Despite the dig, the short walk with Viktor was pleasant. You had reluctantly dropped your hands from his arm, but stuck close to him while you walked. Comfortably talking about nothing important. 

Inside the music store you wandered through the aisles, Viktor trailing you as you searched for the few things you had come in for. Finding the drumsticks wasn’t hard, but you quickly realized you should have asked for more specifics from Ekko on which ones to pick up for him. He had mentioned the brand, but nothing about what size or wood type to get. Even within the brand he wanted, you were left with dozens of options. You sent him a text and began reading the packaging of the sticks, hoping that would give you some idea of what to look for. 

“They’re just sticks,” You exasperated, squinting at the packaging in your hand, “This should not be so complicated.”

You set them down, deciding that you’d find the strings you needed while waiting for Ekko to text you back. When you turned, you were surprised to find that Viktor had strayed away. He was standing in front of one of the test keyboards, cane tucked under his arm and head bent as he played. You hadn’t even registered the sound until you saw him. You watched him for a moment. His hands moved with a practiced skill. Tufts of chestnut hair fell over his forehead, almost covering his eyes as he played. Every couple of measures he would close his eyes, eyebrows furrowed for a moment as he tilted his head to the side and thought about the chords as he played them, lips parted gently. You took a photo before he could notice, making a mental note to save it into the folder overflowing with candids of your friends. 

He had pushed the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows. You moved closer, watching the muscles of his forearms flex and move as his fingers pressed against the keys. 

“I didn’t know you played,” You said as his hands came to a slow stop.

“Eh, I used to,” His shoulder lifted in a small shrug, “I don’t really anymore.”

“You’re very good,” You took another step closer, looking up at his face that was still cast down at the keys. There was the faintest line between his eyebrows, a tightness behind his eyes, “Why don’t you play anymore?”

“Have I ever mentioned I grew up Catholic?” He asked, placing his cane back against the ground and straightening up. He adjusted his weight, nudging slightly closer to you. Close enough that you had to tip your head back slightly to keep eye contact. 

“No,” You shook your head, a little surprised at the sudden information, “I didn’t know that.”

“Yep, full-blooded Roman Catholic,” He clicked his tongue against his teeth and pulled in slow breath, “Are you religious? Do you know about Catholicism?”

“No,” You shook your head, you could count the times you remember going to church on one hand, “Not really. I mean, Joan of Arc was a saint, right? That’s probably all I know.”

“Yes, Joan of Arc was indeed a saint,” He laughed softly, “The cut and dry of it is that humans are inherently sinful by nature. It’s the way we are created and we must spend every moment of our lives atoning for that.”

He scoffed, shaking his head at the ground, “We are told that we deserve the bad that happens to us. That it is our fault…and when you are nine and different, that concept is a particularly deep cut.”

His hand tightened around the handle of his cane, the smooth wood creaking slightly. You reached out without thinking, fingers circling around his wrist. You held him gently, thumb smoothing over the pulse on the inside of his wrist, urging him to relax. 

“So, instead of helplessly sitting through mass every week, I learned to play piano,” He shrugged like it was obvious, “My mother was thrilled that I was involving myself in the church, and by the time I was eleven I managed to sit at the piano every service and just…tune out. I pretended to listen, did what was asked, spent hours each week learning uninteresting melodies. All in an effort to escape the myriad of adults in my life telling me that if I served God, if I prayed hard enough, confessed my sins, I would be cured.”

He said the last word like a slur, corners of his mouth pulled down in a scowl, eyes distant. It made your heart sink. The image of him as a child, berated by religion. You resisted the urge to reach up and smooth the hurt on his face. You opted instead to move your hand up his arm, giving a gentle squeeze to the back of his forearm. The motion was enough to bring him back to the present. He sucked in a sharp breath, almost stepping back as he shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” A rueful laugh split past his lips, and he cleared his throat, “I’m sorry, you didn’t ask about that. Um, I learned to play when I was a kid for a purpose. I don’t need to play anymore, so I don’t. That’s it.”

“Hey, no, don’t apologize.” You held him where he was as he tried to move away, “Thank you for telling me that… I’m sure it’s not fun to talk about,” You scoffed lightly, knowing full well you avoided conversations about aspects of your childhood like the plague, “and I know it probably doesn’t help, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

He cast a sad look down at you. Doubtful.

“Really, listen, I know you didn’t ask my opinion,” You laughed softly, squeezing his arm again, “But I think that is incredibly fucked up, and I’m sorry you had to go through that, and I’m glad that you found something to help you through it.”

He let out a huff through his nose and was chewing on the inside of his lip, clearly nervous. You could tell that he felt exposed, let himself be vulnerable without meaning to. You stepped closer and looped an arm around his waist, turning the both of you towards the piano.

“What were you playing?” You asked, hoping to set him at ease, “It was very pretty.”

“Oh, uh, it was Leoš Janáček,” He told you, tension releasing from his shoulders as you leaned into him, ��He’s one of the more well known composers of Czechia.”

He played the first few notes again, slowly, “Naše večery, it’s the first piece in a piano cycle. Written around…1900 I believe.”

“Hm, it’s beautiful,” You greeted the way he relaxed into you as he played, your hand resting gently against his waist as you watched his hands move, “Naše večery…what does that mean?”

“Our Evenings,” He told you, “It would sound better on a true piano.”

“Oh, well, be careful what you wish for,” You joked, looking up at his face with a smirk on his lips, “If you find one to play at, I’ll make you play the whole cycle.”

“You have an hour to spare, just for me?” He joked, raising an eyebrow at you under his arm.

“Always,” You rolled your eyes, laughing like it was a joke. Laughing like you wouldn’t drop everything in a heartbeat for him if he asked.

A well-timed phone call prevented you from thinking too much about that fact. You didn’t move away from him when you picked it up.

“Hey, did you get them already?” Ekko’s voice asked on the other end.

“Oh, no I was waiting for you to text,” You pulled the phone away and realized he had replied, several times, “Sorry, I got distracted. Which ones do you want?”

You tried to hide your disappointment as you pulled away from Viktor. You could hear him trailing behind you as you moved back to where the sticks were. 

You grabbed the sticks he wanted (a pack of hickory, and a pair of oak to test), the strings you needed for your guitar, and a neon pink bass strap as a gift for Jinx. All the while Viktor hovered near your side, fingers brushing against your waist or the inside of your wrist. It wasn’t clear why until you reached the counter to pay. When the teenage cashier made eye contact with your chest first, you realized why Viktor hooked his arm strongly around your waist. You watched the kid take notice of Viktor’s presence, glancing away quickly as he met Viktor’s gaze. You pretend not to notice why his head stayed down for the rest of the interaction.

“Don’t tell her I said this,” You said lowly as you walked away from the counter, still firmly in Viktor’s grasp, “but you’re certainly a better guard dog than Lest.”

He made a triumphant little noise in the back of his throat and squeezed your waist as  you walked to the truck.

-----

The rest of the afternoon had been easy enough. Back at the house, Jayce helped you load Ekko’s drums and the rest of the equipment needed for tonight into the back of your truck. Viktor helped you double and triple check your list to guarantee nothing had been forgotten. At The Last Drop, Vander and Sevika had been kind enough to help you set up the stage, something you had allotted a couple hours to when you thought you’d be doing it yourself. You even had time to go all the way back to your dorm to shower and change properly. 

The stage was set. The party was ready for after. Jinx and Ekko were on time. Soundcheck went smoothly. The bar had filled up. The sky above the outdoor stage was clear. Everything was great. So great, in fact, that you hadn’t even the notion to be anxious. Not until right now.

You let out a nervous laugh, thrown off guard by the tears that pricked at your eyes and the ways your hands shook. You bent over, steading your hands against your thighs and trying to calm yourself down. You tried to focus on the lowkey sound of the opening duo. From the backside of the speakers, their acoustics were drowned out by the rumble of the large and still growing crowd in front of the stage. It filled your ears coupled with the rush of blood, making your head spin. You tried to think of the things your dad had taught you growing up. Grounding exercise to pull you out of a panic attack. It was too loud, though. You couldn't focus on the timing of each breath or your surroundings. Even in the open space behind the outdoor stage you felt caged in, like the sky was pressing into your back. 

You forced your eyes open. Focusing on what you could see in your direct vision. The hem of your skirt, first, the flowy fabric brushing against the bottom of your shins. Then your hightops, the black canvas well worn in and pen marks covering the dirty rubber. The laces were looped around your ankles, keeping them secured tighter than they needed to be. You shifted, feeling the gravel crunch beneath your soles. Dark rocks made to let water drain into the earth below instead of pooling. You reached down and picked a small one up just as a hand came to rest against the curve of your back.

“You doing okay?” It was Ekko, voice soft as he checked in.

“Huh? Oh, yeah I’m okay,” You straightened, hoping your voice was more convincing out loud than it was in your head. You realized there wasn’t a good reason to lie to Ekko of all people, “Sorry, just nerves, ya know.”

“Why?” He asked, hand falling to his side.

“Why what?” You tilted your head.

“Why are you nervous?” He prodded.

“I…I don’t know,” You shrugged, “Because I am.”

“That’s a horrible answer. Really, what do you have to be nervous about?” He scoffed before going into a laundry list, “You know the songs front to back, we’ve practiced everything a hundred times, sound check went fine, the crowd is full of our friends, and your hair looks great.”

He flipped a hand through your hair dramatically then placed both big hands on your shoulders.

“This is supposed to be fun.” He said seriously, then began shaking you around by the shoulders until you started laughing, he cracked a smile, “This. Will. Be. Fun.”

“Stop Ekko, stop!” You laughed, grabbing his wrists and trying to break free, “Fine, fine. I’m not nervous anymore, happy?”

“Good,” He slung an arm over your shoulder, weighing you down, “Because we’re on in like five minutes.”

“Fuck,” You gasped, looking towards the stage.

Before you could descend back into panic, Jinx was barreling towards you and Ekko. She threw her arms around both of you, shoving her head between yours and Ekko’s and hugging you tight enough to hurt. 

“I am so excited!” Jinx was practically vibrating as she pulled away, hands still on both of you, “This is going to be so fun!”

Jinx thrived on adrenaline. Her energy was overpowering. It was impossible to not let it infect you, something you were glad for. You felt the nervous energy leech from your bones. A shaky excitement taking its place. 

“You ready?” Ekko asked her, unwinding himself from your side and playing his hands on her shoulders, she nodded eagerly, “You have picks in your pocket?”

She reached into the pocket of her pants and pulled out an absurd amount of picks. You honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she managed to go through most of them during the show. Ekko nodded affirmingly then pulled her into his chest, strong arms flexing as he held her tight, speaking just to her. 

You smiled fondly at the couple and moved away to get yourself ready. Your freshly restringed guitar was waiting on the stage. You had picks in your pocket. Your water was filled. You had eaten. Your shoes were tied. You were physically as ready as you could be.

‘This will be fun,’ you told yourself. You loved playing, especially with Jinx and Ekko. Performing wasn’t necessarily your favorite thing in the world, but you had a good time during your few shows over the  summer. Your friends were right in the front. Jayce and Mel and Lest and…and Viktor. You realized that the thought of him watching you made you nervous. What a stupid feeling to have. What a childish feeling to have. Nervous about doing something in front of a boy like you were 14 or something. He had already seen you play. Multiple times, even. Him and Jayce frequently set up in the garage while you and the others rehearsed. 

Even early today he had twirled calmly on a stool in the garage, watching you intently as you tested the second hand loop pedal. He had never given you a reason to be nervous under his eyes. Still, you wondered what he would think seeing you actually on stage. Would he think you looked awkward? Uncomfortable and out of place on stage. Maybe you’d be too stiff, or too loose even. You wanted to claw your hair out. Before you could dwell on the idea any longer, Jinx grabbed you by the hand, dragging you quickly to the stage stairs.

“Ready? She asked, eyes glowing.

You took a heavy breath, twisting your sneaker into the gravel to ground yourself. You gave a nod and a smile that you hoped didn’t look forced, “As we’ll ever be.”

The opener bounced off stage, wishing Jinx a happy birthday and the rest of you good luck. Jinx went first onto stage, you and Ekko only a few steps behind her. She was on the mic in an instant. You vaguely listened to her as you set up your guitar, grateful for the moments it took to plug into the amp and test the strings. You took a few deep breaths, checking that the setlist and equipment around your feet were still secured down before glancing up. The crowd was luckily obscured past the first ten feet, the lights on you not giving you much visibility. You did catch sight of your friends, right where they said they’d be in the front row. Viktor was between Lest and Jayce, watching you. You blinked at him, giving a weak smile. He gave a strong one in return, all pretty teeth and encouragement. You were surprised how much it put you at ease. You let out a heavy breath and felt yourself relax again, in a way that you were sure would last. 

You glanced over to Jinx, tuning in as you adjusted the height of your mic. 

“Just in case you don’t know,” Jinx said to the crowd, bass held around her neck by the new strap you had bought her,  “Today is my twenty-first fucking birthday!”

The crowd cheered for her. Shouts of ‘happy birthdays’ and dramatic ‘we love yous’ thrown her way. You laughed as she basked in the attention, falsely waving them away.

“And to celebrate that!” Jinx said into the mic, then paused to lean down to one of the amps, pulling out three sealed plastic cups. She went back to the mic, “With the company of my beautiful bandmates, I’m gonna do my first shot.” Then lower away from the mic, “legally.”

Ekko climbed down from his drum platform, letting Jinx hand him one of the premade shots before she bounded over to give you yours. It was one of those twisted shots, blue and pink liquor separated by a swirl of plastic. 

“A pornstar shot, really?” You laughed into the mic, looking over at Jinx.

“Hey! They’re pink and blue!” Jinx defended, also speaking into the mic, letting the conversation be part of the performance, “I’ve gotta stay on brand.”

You shrugged in agreement, peeling off the foil top and sniffing it experimentally. They brought back freshman year memories of dorm parties and running around campus in the dark. Jinx settled next to you, slightly in front to keep from hitting you with the neck of her bass. 

She lifted her shot, you and ekko mimicking the motion, “To a good show and an after party none of us remember,” The crowd in front of you lifted whatever drinks they had as the three of you downed the shots. The overly sweet alcohol made your nose burn. Jinx laughed, taking in the cheers as the three of you retake your proper spots on stage.

“Now let’s get this show fucking started,” Jinx plucked a few strings on her bass, testing the sound. She looked over to you and when you gave a confirming nod, she gave the same look to Ekko. He set the tempo on the drum for a few beats, counting down verbally before you and Jinx joined in. Together playing the opening to Darla by Vundabar.

Once your hands were on the strings and the chords poured from the speaker towards the crowd, any worry you had was gone. You felt light, high almost, as you played. Moving around to the beat of the song, mouthing half the lyrics to yourself as Jinx sang them.

After the first song, all three of you were in it. Any drop of uncertainty leaching out with the sweat on your skin as you played. It was easy, you floated through the setlist, hands knowing the chords and timing perfectly. You played and sang your back up vocals, taking control of a full verse here and there. It wasn’t until the middle of the set that the attention was fully on you. An almost original song. A derivative work technically, lyrics written by Ekko set to a slightly altered composition of a Dystopia song.

Jinx was in love with this one, she had coaxed her dad into letting her play with the lighting just a little bit. The light dimmed slowly as you set for the song, adjusting settings on amps and Ekko preparing extra sticks. You plucked a cigarette out of the pack in your pocket, placing it in your lips as you crouched down on the edge of the stage. Right in front of Viktor.

You didn’t say anything, just rested your guitar in your lap and let the bottom of your skirt pool against the ground around you. You didn’t need to search for eye contact, it was there in an instant. Only seconds later when he was stepping closer and holding a flame up to you. You didn’t look away from him when you took the drag and blew the smoke down to his face.

Without so much as a word you stood back to the audience as the lights reached their end, only blue spotlights on you, Jinx, and Ekko remaining. The chords rang out exactly as you had wanted them, low and haunting as Ekko shimmered the cymbals of his set. This was your favorite song to play. Your favorite to practice, to show off to people. 

It felt good to play it in front of everyone. Felt better knowing how you were playing in front of him.

------

That feeling carried you to the end of the show. Carried you even when Viktor politely moved to the bar at the back of the crowd to lean against a stool. He gave a reassuring wave from where he sat, knuckles pressing into his thigh. Carried you through breakdown, carried you to your truck packed with gear, carried you to the Rune Street house where the boys unloaded you truck while you changed in Cait’s room. 

Carried you until you finally stopped moving. You leaned against the kitchen sink, body heavy as you sipped at a solo cup of tap water. You took slow breaths, staring at a spot on the floor as you tried to bring yourself back up from the ground. The excited and already intoxicated people around you did nothing to help. You stayed in the twilight zone until a pale hand waved in front of your face. 

“Visiting another universe tonight?” Viktor asked as you snapped your head up to look at him.

“Sorry,” You shook your head, blinking like you had just woken from sleep, “Sorry, I just…zoned out.”

“Hm, well welcome back,” He laughed softly, moving closer to you as someone tried to squeeze around his back to get through the kitchen. He stayed close even when the person was gone, he even leaned in further. Shouting over the music,  “You did great tonight. You played incredibly.”

“Thank you, that’s very sweet,” You smiled up at him, still feeling weak.

He caught on quickly, steadying a hand on your shoulder, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You tried to wave it off, he narrowed his eyes at you, “I’m just tired is all, kinda crashing.”

“That’s reasonable,” He frowned, then pulled away, just enough to fish a silver key from his pocket and hold it out to you, “My room is the only one that locks, you can crash in there for a bit if you’d like.”

It was a tempting offer, but you knew if you tried to sleep now you’d be out until morning, “I’m okay,” You told him, “I wanna hang, just gotta power through.”

“Well in that case,” 

He put the key back in his pocket and reached past you, grabbing a cup from the stack and setting it on the counter next to the fridge. He took your cup from your hands and dumped the water out, setting it next to his. You were finally taking him in now. Too spaced to notice his wardrobe change post-show. Jinx’s party was rave themed, the music and lights and outfits all reflecting this. 

Apparently, Viktor was not excluded. You remembered Ekko offering his close to Jayce and Viktor, his style being that of someone who actually went to raves. This was not what you had expected, though. Viktor, who only ever wore the most reserved of outfits, was in jeans that were purposefully too big, except for where they rested between his hips and waist. Cut outs in the side, just below the belt line, showed off completely the line and curve of his narrow hips. Pale skin practically glowing in the light of the fridge as Viktor opened it. It was cut in such a way that there was no chance he was wearing anything underneath the jeans. And almost more jarring was the fact that Viktor was wearing a crop top. The fairly normal t-shirt came to a harsh stop right at his navel, showing off the softest of happy trails and curve of muscle. You had seen him undressed before. You’ve seen him in less clothing than this even, at the coast. Nothing you were witnessing was new to you, but there was just something about it. About how intentional every bare inch was. 

You glanced away harshley, realizing you were very obviously staring at his body as he rummaged around in the fridge. He pulled out two narrow cans and set them on the counter. You picked one up, the cold condensation biting at your hand.

“Red Bull?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Patience,” He scolded, grabbing the can and setting it back down on the counter. 

He slid open the freezer drawer and moved things around, pulling a glass bottle out from underneath an ancient bag of frozen vegetables. He set it to the side, the clear liquor inside reflecting the lights in the room. All the labeling was in Czech. He dumped the energy drinks into the cups and then twisted the cap of the liquor with a satisfying pop.

“Don’t tell anyone I let you have this,” He told you, pouring a hearty shot into his cup, “They’ll make me share with them too.”

“Oh, so I’m special?” You joked, he gave you a look that very loudly screamed well, obviously. He paused to size you up for a moment, and came to the conclusion that half a shot would do. You scoffed, “Hey, I’m not a lightweight.”

“Eh, maybe not,” He said, “But this is not American liquor, and you are not a European woman.”

“Would you prefer I was?” You joked, rolling your eyes as he added another splash to his own drink before recorking it. 

“Of course not,” He held the cup out to you, “Na zdravi!”

You bit back a smile when you repeated the words and tapped the edge of your cup against his. He watched you hesitantly, cup hovering near his lips as he waited for you to take a sip. When you did, you were admittedly surprised at the strength of the small shot. You were even more surprised at the amount that he had poured into his own cup. 

“Christ, Vik,” You gasped, trying not to flinch at the burn, “You’re gonna go blind.”

“See, I told you” He laughed, taking a sip of his own drink with ease, “Only a small amount for the American. If it’s too much I can add more Red Bull.”

“No, it’s good,” You sipped again, taking the liquor better now that you were ready for it, “Thank you for being my bartender tonight,”

“What, no tip?” He teased, smirking down at you.

“Unfortunately, these shorts leave no space for my wallet,” You ran a hand over the side of the tight silvery shorts you had changed into. So tight you had even foregone underwear beneath them, “Next time.”

“I’m sure,” He leaned in to avoid shouting as the music and crowd became louder, he reached out and ran a finger over the waistband of the shorts, “I mean, I’m sure a few dollar bills could fit here, no?” His hand dropped lower down your side, fingertips brushing against the top of your thigh high socks, “Maybe here even?”

You slapped his hand away, “Not nice to imply I’m a stripper,” You pouted as he laughed and waved a hand in front of himself defensively.

“I kid, I swear,” He assured, “Where did you even get these clothes anyways?”

“It’s October in America, baby,” You laughed, “there's a halloween store taking up residence in every empty building in the country right now.”

“Yes, I forget about the holiday here,” He shrugged, “It’s not a large thing in Czechia.”

“Yeah, I know, Europe is lame like that,” You joked, turning your nose up.

“Is that so,” He questioned, then reached out to take your drink from you, “Then I guess you don’t like the European liquor if it’s so lame then…”

“Wait no,” You giggled, trying to reach for the cup as he held it away from you, “No I lied, I swear.”

He laughed and relinquished the cup back to you. You gratefully took another sip, holding eye contact with him to prove you liked it. 

“That’s what I thought.” He leaned back against the fridge, “Tell me if you want another,”

You nodded, then reached out and tugged the high hem of his shirt, “I like this, by the way, suits you.”

“Hm, that so?” You asked, dipping his chin to examine his own outfit, “I tried for something a little more low-key, but Jayce wasn’t having it.”

“Ah, I imagine he’s dressed even sluttier?” You barked a laugh.

“Oh of course,” Viktor nodded with wide eyes, “are you saying I’m a slut?”

“No, of course not,” You shrugged, “Just that you are dressed like a slut.”

“I don't think it’s that slutty,” He looked down at his outfit, again.

“What’s this then?” You slid a hand down his side, gripping his bare hip where t was exposed by the cutout, “This is pretty slutty, especially for a man.”

“And what’s your opinion of that?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Of what?”

“Of slutty men?” His eyes darkened, “Is that something you enjoy?”

“Who doesn’t,” You said innocently, taking another sip in hopes of hiding your blush.

“Hm, good to know,” He hummed, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips. He leaned in just a touch more, mouth open to continue his sentence when Jayce was suddenly right next to you, a hand on Viktor’s shoulder.

The intrusion made you jump, nearly spilling your drink as you flinched away.

“Hey, oh sorry,” Jayce said, realizing he had barged in. He was wasted already, pretty cheeks already flushed red. He was indeed somehow dressed sluttier than Viktor. A mesh top and chaps of all things, underneath only a pair of shimmery shorts, almost as tight as yours. 

“What did I say?” Viktor laughed, looking down at you, you just widened your eyes in agreement.

“Huh?” Jayce tilted his head at the two of you.

“Nothing,” Viktor waved him off, “What’s up?”

“We need another person for beer pong,” Jayce told you both, “Are either of you down?”

You looked down at the still mostly full and very strong drink in your hand, “I’ll pass for now, maybe later if you guys play another round.”

“I’ll go,” Viktor told him with a shrug.

“Good,” Jayce clapped him on the shoulder, “You can be Sky’s partner.”

That twisted something in your chest, but you forced it away as you took another drink. Viktor just nodded and went to follow Jayce towards where the table was set up in the garage. He turned back to you when he realized you weren’t following.

“Are you not coming?” He tilted his head.

“No, it’s okay, I should probably go find Lest, actually,” You told him, trying to act casual, “You go, though, Defeat Jayce in my honor. I’ll find you later.”

“Okay,” He frowned slightly, hesitating before turning away to follow Jayce. 

You watched him walk away, doing your bets to look unbothered. Even with him out of your proximity, the heat still lingered. You shoved your hand under the ice dispenser of the fridge, catching a cube and popping it into your mouth before wandering to the living room. You wanted to dance with Lest, or grind up against a stranger, anything to get him off your mind.

----

Hours later, when you became bored of fending off freshman boys on the dance floor, you found yourself watching Viktor from across the room like a fucking creep. You knew you were and you couldn’t help it. He looked great. In that stupid fucking crop top and insufferable pair of borrowed jeans. He looked great and so did Sky. She looked great in the electric blue outfit you had helped her pick out. She looked great laughing and fanning her alcohol warmed cheeks. 

She looked great with her hands all over Viktor. Playing with his neat hair. Rubbing a hand over his shoulder. Leaning half way on top of him every time she laughed.

The spot on Viktor’s other side was empty. You could claim it easily. Insert yourself into their conversation or, most likely, pull his attention completely to you. You could sideline her in an instant. 

You had officially fucking lost it. You couldn’t believe you were pouting against the wall at a party. Face half hidden behind your cup, pretending to sip your sad mixture of three parts american vodka one part flat orange crush. Unrightfully angry at one of your closest friends. 

She’d be fine, though. There were plenty of men who’d jump at the chance to sweep her off her feet, take her virginity, and propose before graduation. Why did she need to be so focused on him? Was she blind? Viktor was obsessed with you and you knew it. You had tried to discourage him at first. Some point since then and now, you had succumbed to the idea that you were just waiting for eachother. Well, more of him, waiting for you, but still. You couldn't break your composure, not even for someone like him. 

Your ankles twitched, your angry body coaxing your drunk brain into a rash decision.

You couldn’t. It would be too obvious. Too fucking mean, like anything about this wasn’t already. You couldn't force it. He had to come to you. You could at least give him the option.

You brushed your fingertips against the side of your ear, ensuring that the cigarette you had tucked there earlier hadn't disappeared. You sent an innocent enough text - cig out back? - and walked out the back door before you could see him open the message. The ball was in his court now. You weren’t going to control him and he could make whatever decision he felt like. If he didn’t come, then you’d get a whole cigarette to yourself. A win-win situation, really. 

Outside the sky was still dripping. The storm that had started shortly after the party and hadn’t really let up until now. The backyard was completely barren, everyone still crowded into the house and garage to keep out of the rain. You rounded the side of the house, opting to let the cool wet air clear away the stickiness from inside. You had barely rested your back against the siding when your name was being hissed into the dark. 

“Over here,” You beckoned Viktor over to your corner of the yard.

You didn't need a whole cigarette anyways.

“Got a light?” You asked as he settled next to you, shoulder pressing to yours. 

Wordlessly he pulled one from his pocket, holding the flame out in front of you. You pressed the cigarette to your lips and lent towards him. Eyes fell shut as you pulled the flame in, smoke filling your lungs. 

“Where have you been?” You asked, smoke burning your nose as you exhaled and passed him the cigarette, “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Around,” He shrugged, taking the cigarette and bumping his shoulder against yours with a smirk,  “You have been looking for me?”

“Shut up,” You muttered, hitting the back of your hand against his bare stomach.

“Ah, milá ,” He sighed, cigarette hanging from his lip as he grabbed your arm and pulled you to stand in front of him, “Jsi legrační dívka,”

His hands came to rest on the small of your back. You leaned against him, stealing back the cigarette from his mouth and taking a drag. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, eyes on your lips.

“Are you drunk?” You asked him, taking a quick drag and holding the cigarette between you for him to take.

“Eh, a little,” He blew smoke out of his nose. Hot. “Me and Jayce smoked earlier, but the high is fading. You?”

“Also a little,” You told him, reaching up to touch his face. You ghosted a fingertip over the mark above his lip. So pretty. So inviting. 

You were drunk…enough. It didn’t count if you were drunk.

Your hand moved to his jaw and pulled him towards you, lips brushing against his softly. Tonight he chose you over Sky. Like you knew he would. The guilt was discarded as quickly as the half smoked cigarette when he pulled you closer. He wrapped his arms around your waist, holding your flush to him as his mouth crashed against yours harder. You looped your arms over his shoulders, hands fisting into the back of his shirt as your lips parted. He didn’t waste the invitation, tongue pushing into your mouth with a gasp. He tasted like caffeine and tobacco and himself. Your head spun as he kissed you. His teeth pulled at your lower lip, eliciting a whine you hadn’t expected.

“Ah, fuck,” He panted, breaking away to beath. His hands slid down to grab your ass, pressing you harder against him. You could feel how hard he was already, heavy cock pressing against your lower stomach, “You’ll kill me one of these days.”

“No,” You laughed softly, licking his lips playfully, “I’d like to keep you around for a while, Pretty Boy.”

He groaned at the pet name, hips rutting up again just slightly. You moved one hand down his chest, reaching the bottom of the cropped shirt he wore and slipping underneath. You raked your nails over his stomach, delighted at the shudder you could feel in his shoulders. You buried your other hand in the hair at the back of his neck, holding him still as you kissed him again. Part of you hated how perfectly you fit together. How the shape of his nose pressed into your cheek exactly as it should. How his lips slotted against yours like they were made for you. How he was the perfect height to kiss you. How his hands were the perfect size to hold you. It made everything difficult having him so easily. 

He wanted to be slow the first time, but he was clearly in a different mood tonight. You could barely breathe with how deep he kissed you. His tongue so wonderfully strong against yours, against your teeth and lips. The noises he made in the back of his throat went straight to the heat between your legs. You wanted to hear more. 

You tighten the hand in his hair, fisting the chestnut strands and yanking his head back, rough but not enough to hurt. He gasped, breathing heavy as he let you ruin his hair.

“So good for me,” You purred, clamping your teeth down on the spot below his jaw, tongue smoothing over it a moment after.

“Only for you,” He muttered, voice barely there, “God, only for fucking you.”

“Fuck,” You smiled, licking from the collar of his shirt up to his chin, “God you taste so fucking good. Wanna taste all of you,”

You resisted the urge to suck a love bite into his neck as you pressed yourself against him harder, canting your hips just enough to make him hiss, “Let me taste you, baby?”

“F-fuck,” He shuddered, flinching as your cold fingers brushed against the skin exposed by the cutouts in the side of the jeans. The skin you had been eyeing all night. The cutouts you had already expressed your admiration for. 

“Please Vik,” You practically begged as you mouthed at his neck, hands flatting against his hips, fingers under the edge of the denim, “Let me get on my knees for you.”

“God, fuck,” He whimpered, dropping his head to pull you into another kiss, “Are you sure? You don’t have to.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” You laughed against his lips, hands moving to the sides of his face. His heavy lidded eyes met yours, pupils blown wide, “I want to. I want you in my throat.”

He couldn’t help the sound that slipped past his lips, desperate and wanting as he dropped his head into your neck, muffling the sound against your hair. 

“Ano. Ano, kurvo ano,” He panted, you had been friends with him long enough to not need a translation.

“Good boy,” You said, mouth next to his ear, “Lean back for me.”

You left open mouthed kisses down his throat, palming him through his jeans. When you couldn’t reach any more of his skin from the position you were in, you slid to your knees. The wet grass soaked the knees of your socks. You looked up at him through your eyelashes, enjoying the fucked out look on his face. You hadn’t even touched him yet he was already flushed and trembling in front of you. You loved it.

You pressed a kiss to the skin exposed on his hips, your hand on the other side. You licked at his soft skin, thrilled to find the presence of slight moles hiding there. You bit down hard enough to leave a mark, Viktor’s hips canted forward, apologies spilling past his lips. You ignored him, your hands rubbing over his hips to grip his ass and then rub down his legs. Your palm caught on the ridge of his brace. Hidden completely under his jeans, you had all but forgotten it. 

You ran your hand up his leg gently, sitting back slightly to look at him softly, “Are you okay like this? Are you hurting?”

“I am alright, milá,” Voice gentle even as he panted heavily, hand reaching out to cup your face, “I’m perfectly good.”

You couldn’t help but to lean into his touch, humming against his palm, “You’ll tell me if this doesn’t work, yeah?”

“Promise?” You asked leaning past his hand and pressed your cheek to his front. You could feel him twitch against your face. You breathed him in, the heady scent making your thighs tense.

“I promise,” His voice came out strained and breathy.

It was enough to break you. You pulled back enough to unzip his jeans and shimmy them a couple inches down. You pulled him out, cock heavy and leaking in your hands. You hummed to yourself, admiring him. You had forgotten exactly what he looked like, but you were surprised how big and pretty he was. He was more worked up now than last time, entire cock a pretty shade of pink that darkened gradually up to his tip. You looked up, watching him as you dragged your thumb over his tip, spreading precum and getting more to drip as he twitched. He gasped, chin dropping to his chest as he tried to keep himself up right. You used the slick to coat your hand and slide your fist down his shaft, watching as his whole body flinched at the feeling. He was clay in your hands, trusting you to handle him.

You parted your lips, still watching intently as you gave an experimental lick to the tip of his cock. You couldn’t have dreamed of this noise he made, shocked and desperate and shaky as you dipped down and licked a broad strip along the veins on the underside. You used the point of your tongue to tease the base of his head, swirling over the crease there. His hands fisted at his sides, barely able to keep his eyes open as you tasted him. And he tasted heavenly. Sweet and bitter at the same time, and like his lips, very much like him. 

You were sure he could have come from just the sight of you holding his head against your flat tongue, catching pearls of cum from his weeping tip. When you closed your lips round him, he was loud. He sucked in a sharp breath, groaning heavy at the feeling of your warm mouth around just a small part of him. His hand flew to his mouth, trying to hold back the sounds.

You pulled off, making him whine as you pouted up at him, “I want to hear you. Please Vik, please let me hear you.”

“Fuck, we’re outside,” He panted, glancing towards the fence that faced the front of the house.

“It’s fine,” You urged, “Please, baby I promise. Everyone is inside, no one’s gonna hear you.”

Before he could respond, you wrapped your lips around him again, this time pushing on to him until he was almost to your back teeth. He cried out, stomach muscles tensing as you hollow your cheeks around him, releasing the tension with a gente pop.

“Oh fuck, milá,” His hands flexing at his sides.

You hummed around him, corners of your mouth turned up in as much of a smile as you could do. The vibration of your throat sent him shaking again. Fingers twitching just next to your head.

“Sensitive are we?” You pulled off and teased, one hand moving steadily up and down, the other cupping his balls, “You can grab my hair, just don’t push on me, okay?”

“Are you sure,” Hesitation hid behind the eagerness, all nerves about hurting you.

“Yes, Pretty Boy,” You breathed, lips ghosting over his cock again, “I trust you.”

Genty he gathered your hair into his fist, holding the strands back from your face. The tension on your scalp grew when you pulled him as far into your throat as you could. You took steady breaths through your nose, unable to help the moans that pushed out of your lungs at the feeling of him twitching just for you. You moved your tongue over him, eyelids fluttering shut at the feeling of his precum dripping down the back of your throat. You steadied yourself against his good leg, a hand wrapped around the back of his thigh as you began to move, your other hand gliding over what you couldn’t fit in your mouth. He did as you asked, hand tangled in your hair, but not controlling your movements. 

You studied him. Taking note of how he reacted to each movement, each slight gag around his cock, each flick of your tongue. The best noises came from when you took as much of him as you could and sucked around him, head moving only slightly. He gasped, uttering nonsense and curses and your name as he basked in the feeling. You wanted more and pulled him farther in in search of it, tears welling in your eyes as he reached the complete back of your throat. You steadied yourself, taking a moment to adjust before swallowing around him.

This made him cry out, knees almost buckling and hips rutting up involuntarily. He cursed, eyes wide as he apologized. You waved him off with a hum, swallowing again before you began to bob your head. You let your eyes fall shut, focusing on the weight of him in your throat and the sounds he was making above you. You could feel the tension in his muscles build under your hand on his leg. He was so close. Just a few motions away. You weren’t done, though.

With gasp you pulled off, circling your fingers just under the head of his cock. Forcing him away from the edge. You panted, pulling in more oxygen than through your nose.

“Ah, fuck. Why?” He whimpered, sounding like he could cry.

“Trust me, Vik,” You assured, pressing your cheek to the top of his thigh and looking up through your lashes, “It’s gonna feel so good, just be patient for me, baby.”

“God, you’re so fucking beautful,” He reached down, brushing a thumb under your eye where yur mascara was blurring.

“You’re sweet,” You hummed, pressing your lips to the base of his cock, mouthing at him as your hand stroked over him again, “So good for me.”

You raised your hand, lifting him enough for you to have access to lick over his balls. He groaned at the feeling and you heard a soft thud as he dropped his head back against the wall. You replaced your mouth with your hand, gently squeezing him in time with the thrust of your hand. You licked up from the base to tip, not wasting time in bringing him back between your lips. 

Velvet, you realized. His skin felt like velvet under your tongue. You moaned around him, pressing your thighs together as you sank further unto him. You picked up your pace, making obscene sounds as you moved up and down his length. You had wanted to go slow at first, but this pace was for you, too. You couldn’t help it. You chased his release with an eager tongue, anticipating him.

“Ah, I’m close, Lasko,” He gasped, hips twitching in the tiniest of bucks, not letting himself get too carried away. His hand tightened in your hair, trying to pull you off before he came.

You made a noise of protest, pushing him to the back of your throat again and looking up at. Eyes narrowed as you made clear what you wanted.

“Oh fuck,” His voice was thick with a mix of his accent and lust. He let you grab his hand, braced against his stomach as you began to move again, “You are heaven sent.”

His jaw hung open as you continued the pace, slowing down every couple of thrusts to swallow around his tip. He took short strained breaths as you pulled him closer and closer. Pitch of his voice canting up as he moaned, the whimpers that slipped past his lips making your own wetness pool between your legs. 

He cried out as he finally came, whole body tense as you slowed your movements. You held him in the perfect place in your mouth, cum painting the back of your throat and mixing with spit on your tongue. You groaned, breathing heavy through your nose as you took everything he had to give. The taste was addictive, you could've stayed here forever on your knees, his slightly bitter cum filling your mouth. 

Eventually, Viktor hissed in near pain. The feeling of your warm mouth around his oversensitive cock too much to handle. Gently he tugged on your hair, coaxing you off him.

“Come here,” He held your arm steady as you stood on shaking legs, your knees aching from holding your weight for so long. 

“Was that good?” You asked like you didn’t already know the answer, pulling you swollen bottom lip between your teeth.

“There is a special place for you in heaven,” He told you, hands grasping the sides of your face and forehead dropping to yours. You could feel the cool sheen of sweat over his body, it made the short hair curl where you played with it at the base of his neck.

“Hm, so sweet to me,” You cooed, reaching down and tucking him away gently, deciding it probably wasn’t a great idea for him to just hang around with his dick out. 

He tilted his chin, catching your lips with his. His tongue pushed into your mouth where he surely tasted himself. He let out a shaky breath against your mouth, lips pulled back but tongue still pressed against yours. He kissed you deep, hands moving down to your waist pulling you flush against him as he practically ate out your mouth.

You let the sounds you were making go, letting him hear how he made you feel. Without warning, he gripped you tight and spun you around, pressing your back to the house. He braced his weight with one arm against the wall behind you. He was still licking into your mouth as the other hand dropped between your bodies. He pushed his hand past the waistband of your shorts, cold fingers making you gasp as they came in contact with your cunt. 

“Oh, fuck, Vik,” You keened, jaw dropping as he slid his hand further into your shorts, fingers teasing at your entance before retreating back to your clit. 

Careful he pulled his arm off the wall, gently smearing away the ruined makeup beneath your eyes. He dropped his forehead to yours, breathing in every pant you gave, watching you intently as you gasped and rutted your hips into his hand. He moved his arm back to the wall, steading himself for you as he pressed two long fingers in, curling them in a way that made you see white. 

“So fucking wet,” He breathed, eyes barley open, “soaked just from sucking my cock, God so fucking dirty.”

You whimpered, one hand holding onto his arm above your shoulders, fingers surely bruising his flesh where you pressed. The other hand fisted in the back of his hair, pulling him close enough to kiss. You tried to muffle yourself with his lips, moaning directly into his mouth, biting down on his lip when you felt yourself getting louder.

“Hm, not fair,” He scolded, realizing what you were doing, “Let me hear you. Only sound I ever need to hear again.”

Oh, how you loved incoherent orgasm induced poetry. 

He dragged his fingers in and out of you at a teasing pace, his thumb pressed to your clit. Each tiny motion of his hand brought you closer and closer. His name tumbled from your lips, everything about him clouding your cells. 

You almost didn’t hear the slide of the back door.

You gasped pulling away from him with wide eyes, head smacking against the siding as you did so. The hand on the wall cupped the back of your head, holding the sore spot you caused yourself. The other retreated swiftly, the heel of his hand resting against your waist, sure to keep his soaked fingers from ruining your clothes. You blinked at him, trying to calm your breathing enough to hear. Behind your pulse you heard footsteps on the wooden deck, they stopped right before the stairs. You hadn’t realized until now that the air was cold enough to see your breath. His and yours formed a cloud between you, white condensation huffed from your lungs as you waited.

Lest’s voice shouting your name into the dark made your heart sink. You loved her, but right now you could kill her.

Reluctantly, Viktor stepped away from you, dry hand steadying your waist. You grabbed the other, pulling his fingers up to your lips and hastily licking yourself off them. He swallowed hard, then surged forward, kissing you through his hand, tongue running between his fingers and against yours. 

He pulled away, wiping his spit covered hand against his jeans as you adjusted your clothes. Your name rang again from the porch, you could hear the creak of the top step. You glanced down at yourself and shrugged. Disheveled for sure, but it’d have to be good enough.

You grabbed Viktor by the chin, thumb brushing over his bottom lip, “Catch you later, Pretty Boy.”

You pressed a quick kiss to his open lips and darted away. Shaking out your hair and continuing to adjust your clothes as you went to Lest. She shouted your name a third time.

“Yeah, I’m coming!” You told her, picking up your pace.

‘If only’, you thought, frowning to yourself.

-----

At some point, you realized you were done. No amount of vodka redbulls or dancing or drinking games were gonna keep you on your feet. The party was still thriving well past the hours when it would normally end. You were coming down from everything and needed to be somewhere that wasn’t a hot sticky crowded house. 

You wandered to the front porch. The rain had stopped, but the air was just as cool as earlier. You sank down to sit on the edge of the stairs, the rough concrete catching on the fabric of your shorts. You pulled your knees up and leaned back on your palm, basking in the cool air and watching as the moon slowly came in and out of view behind the clouds. The muffled sound of music and people was relaxing. You liked the feeling of disconnecting, but still being nearby. 

You stayed like that for who knows how long, letting goosebumps crawl up your sore thighs and arms. Breathing slowly and occasionally moving out of the way for the few people that came in and out through the front door. You closed your eyes, leaning back and paying no mind when the door opened once again, music growing loud for a second before it was once again muffled.

“You’ll catch your death out here,” Viktor’s accent told you, you laughed softly at the phrasing, “Are you not freezing?”

“Hm, I’m cold, but not freezing,” You told him, not opening your eyes until you felt a jacket being placed over your shoulders, you snorted a laugh, “Thank you.”

“Hm, you should take better care of yourself,” He said, sitting down next to you, using his cane to lower himself slowly, “We have a big project next week, it’ll suck to be down a person,”

“How thoughtful,” You rolled your eyes and sat up next to him, knees closer to your chest.

“Any time, milá,” He muttered what you were beginning to recognize as a pet name in his native language, “Anytime.”

You leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder. With his jacket over you and him this close, you were dizzy with the smell of him. Obsessed with it.

“Are you feeling alright?” He asked, taking your hand from where it rested in your lap. He pressed his thumb into your palm, long fingers moving against yours, brushing against the newly forming calluses on your fingertips, “Why are you out here all alone?”

“Just wanted to be alone,” You told him, closing your eyes and leaning into him further.

“Would you like me to leave?” He asked, sincere and unoffended.

You grabbed his hand, holding it tight as you shook your head against him, “No, please don’t.”

He didn’t need any more convincing than that. He slid slightly closer, the side of his body pressing to yours. He gently pulled his hand from yours, sliding his arm to your back, hand resting at the nape of your neck as he brushed his fingers through the fine hair there. You hummed, pressing closer to him, nearly overwhelmed with how nice it felt to be next to him like this.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked, voice slightly hesitant as he broke the comfortable silence.

“Of course,” You’d like him to tell you everything.

“Sky asked me out yesterday,” He said it quietly but quickly, you tried not to react but you knew he could feel the way you tensed.

“I’m not surprised,” You told him, forcing yourself to sit up and look at his face, “What did you tell her?”

You hoped your face didn’t give away too much. He could go out with Sky if he wanted. You and him were not technically together. Sharing liquor and drunk blowjobs didn’t count as a relationship.

“I…I told her I’d get back to her,” He flinched at his own words, guilt creasing his pretty face, “Which is an absolute dick move, but I panicked.”

“Well, if you like her,” You shrugged like it didn’t matter, “then you should go out with her. There’s no reason not to.” 

He frowned, chewing on the inside of his lip, “And if I don’t like her?”

“Then why would you go on a date with her?” If stung. Like it was an option. Of course it was an option, you knew that, you didn’t have any right to be upset with him.

He huffed, “You are making this difficult,”

“Viktor, I can not make decisions for you,” You told him sternly, not upset with him, just frustrated.

“I know, I’m sorry,” He shook his head, scoffing a laugh, “I shouldn’t have said that. Forget I said anything, I’ll handle it.”

You were pretty sure you knew what that meant. You did understand where he was coming from. Getting asked out by someone you weren't interested in was tough, even more so when that person was a friend. 

“Good,” You nodded, and leaned back into him, tone turned teasing, “now will you stop trying to ruin the moment, this feels good.”

‘Hm, such a brat,” He joked back, you could feel the tension leach out of him, “Always getting what she wants.”

You scoffed, hitting him lightly on the leg. 

“You deserve it, though, don’t you?” His voice dropped, so soft against your ear when he turned his head slightly, nose pressed to your temple, “You’ve done so much for everyone today.”

His hand moved from its place on your back, moving back in front of him to rest on your knee. You took a shaky breath as he pressed a kiss to your temple, the pressure against your pulse dizzying. 

“Vik,” You warned, voice barely there as his hand moved up your thigh, stopping at the edge of your socks.

He ran his thumb over the elastic pressing into your thigh, over the small dip it made in your flesh. Slowly he pushed his fingers under the fabric, making more contact with the soft skin of your leg and squeezing gently.

“Hm, you deserve to be taken care of,” He hummed, fingers kneading into your flesh, perfect against your arguable sore muscles, “You do so much for other people.”

You couldn’t help the shuddery breath that slipped past your lips. He pressed another kiss to the side of your face, dropping his head to press his nose against the spot under your ear. You felt his teeth graze across your skin, tongue there only a moment later. 

“Let me take care of you,” He practically begged, hand moving out from under your sock and up your thigh. His breath was hot against your skin, you could feel his eyelashes brush against you, “Stay with me tonight, oh god please stay with me tonight.”

The desperation in his voice went directly to your core, you resisted the urge to press your thighs together. You couldn’t believe he was making you feel like this a second time tonight.

“Viktor,” Your voice came out breathier than you had meant it to. 

He pulled his face away from your neck, meeting your eyes as his hand traveled even higher up, and dipped lower between your thighs. Only inches away from where he had been for only a few moments earlier tonight. His face was so close to yours, lips still slightly red from when you had kissed him hours ago. His pupils were blown wide, eyes hooded as he stared at you. Stars in his eyes.

“I could make you feel so good,” He purred, “I could make you feel so so good. I could take care of you so well, you deserve it. Let me show you how you made me feel earlier.”

His voice was straining as he spoke. Desperate and needy. You were sure if you reached over you’d find him to be half hard already.

You closed your thighs around his hand, keening for him as you pressed your forehead to his. You were forgetting all the stupid reasons you had been denying him. Any rule of thumb you had established went up in smoke. It didn’t matter. None of it fucking mattered.  A yes was right on the tip of your tongue. A plea for him to take you to his bed and never let you leave was a breath away from slipping out. 

Before you could let the words fall out of your mouth the font door slammed open. You practically choked as you sucked in a gasp. You and Viktor threw yourselves away from each other, out of the compromising position. You sat wide eyed and red faced with your thighs pressed together, practically a foot of space between you and Viktor.

“You two are un-fucking-believable,” Lest scoffed, take the few steps down the stairs to stand on the sidewalk in front of you. Her eyes were alight with anger, perfect face turned down in a look of disappointment that bordered on disgust.

“Wh-what?” You stuttered, trying to control your breath. 

“You heard me,” She snapped, arms crossing over her freckled chest, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Lest!” You scoffed, truly taken off guard by her anger, “What are you talking about.”

“You both are sharing the award for shittiest friends on the planet,” Lest told you, dramatic as always.

“Lest, what-” Viktor tried, shaking off his stunned expression, eyebrows furrowing.

“No,” She held up a finger to him, cutting him off, “You know what I’m talking about Seriously, how could you do this to Sky?”

Oh…that's what this was about.

Lest hissed your name, “You know how she feels, you fucking know. And you.” She turns to Viktor, “What is wrong with you? Dragging her around like this? If you don’t like Sky, fucking tell her. Don’t tell her that you’ll ‘get back to her’ and then go get head from a different girl.”

“Lest!” You snapped, not knowing what else to say, “We didn’t-“

“There are grass stains on your fucking knees,” She seethed your name at the end, then rubbed a crease out of her forehead.

“You,” She snapped, jabbing a finger in your direction, “You need to stop being a jealous, passive aggressive bitch,” And you, attention on Viktor, “need to learn how to be a fucking man.”

Your head was spinning. Lest had been mad at you before. It was in her nature to be protective and aggressive and say what she thought. Never had this level of rage actually been directed straight at you. It made your hands shake, every ounce of guilt and shame you’d ever carried floating to the surface of your skin. 

“I’m spending the night with Sky,” Lest told you, jaw set, “because she’s fucking torn up over this, even if she won’t admit it.”

And with that she was leaving. Stalking off and down the street to catch an uber somewhere where she didn’t have to look at you. You stared after her, frozen. Hands shaking as your head swam.

Viktor said your name gently, reaching out for your shoulder. You flinched involuntarily, standing up in one quick motion, his jacket falling from your shoulders. 

“I…” Your voice caught in your throat, “I’m gonna go home.”

“Hold on,” Viktor said, pushing himself up off the stairs, steadying himself on the cane and grabbing your wrist before you could get away, “Wait, please, just…let me get you a ride home at least.”

You could tell he wanted you to stay, and you could tell he knew you wouldn’t, “No, it’s fine. I just… I want to walk, it’s not far.”

You knew you were not sober enough to try to drive, you didn’t think your shaking hands would even let you. 

“Milá, it’s freezing,” He gaped at you, eyes full of fear and worry, “Please.”

You tried to pull your wrist from his grasp, “Viktor, I’m fine. Please, just let me go.” You could feel hot tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. Oh god, you didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not now, not like this.

“At least take my jacket?” He offered, grabbing it from the ground with his other hand and holding it out to you, “Please, you’re barely dressed. Please just put on a jacket.”

You hesitated, but slowly reached out and took it. Watching the ground as you slipped the heavy coat over your shoulders. 

“Please let me know when you get home safe,” He said, voice reluctant to let you go, “Please.”

You nodded, cursing the way your voice broke, “Goodnight Viktor.”

You turned and walked away, trying to hide the shaking of your shoulders in the borrowed jacket. You were barely down the street before the first sob finally broke out of your chest. You zipped up the coat, burning your face in the neckline of it and tried and failed to calm yourself down as you walked back to your dorm room. 

You were still crying when you finally collapsed into your bed, Viktor’s heavy coat still wrapped around you. You barely remembered to text Viktor. His face and name appear on your screen, reminding you of your promise. You declined the call, instead just texted him a brief ‘home.’ before shutting off your phone and letting yourself fall into a restless sleep. 

[kikiwie]

𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 ˚ ᰔ. ᵎᵎ

————————— 𐔌⋆🍊 ̟ ˚ !! 𐦯 —————————

first kisses with the haikyuu boys!

i. hajime ⊹₊⟡

since high school, you've known iwaizumi, and let's just say that you've always had feelings for him. you didn’t have the confidence to tell him, so you resorted to maintain your friendship with him.

ever since he began working as an athletic trainer, you would visit, and even though you weren't very good at volleyball, you still found it fun. mostly because it was with him.

he had just finished showing you how to hit a jump serve. when you last visited, you were taught how to do a standard serve. but you decided to improve.

he gave you instructions and occasionally corrected your form. "alright, so you keep tossing the ball too far away. try doing it this way." that was most likely the fifth time he had said that to you. but when his presence was too distracting, could he truly blame you? absolutely not.

you inhaled deeply and did your best to mimic everything he had shown you so far.

you had your eyes closed when you threw the ball up, then leaped and hit it. your breath got caught in your throat when you heard the ball bouncing on the other side.

you lips dropped open as you opened your eyes, and Iwaizumi gave you the same look. you rushed to him and into his arms as his eyes sparkled. “did you see that, iwa? i was really awesome, wasn't i? i’m surprised that i did it!”

he couldn't help but smile and gaze at you in admiration during your short rant. the way he was staring at you as you finished made you feel like you were going to die.

"hey, you're adorable. can i give you a kiss?" now, who were you to say no?

y. tadashi ⊹₊⟡

he asked you to spend the day with him. after getting some food from the nearby convenience store, you found yourself in the park. laughing and talking about how life has been overall.

this felt good since you haven't seen him in a long time and your college classes have been eating up all of your time. "you have to be joking! he didn't really tell him that, did he???” he was rambling on about an incident involving tsuki when he got into a fight with this random guy.

"oh, he most definitely did. we all knew he was an instigator, but that was crazy," said yams, laughing with you.

“i wish i could have been there, aw man." you let out a sigh and stopped laughing. it was bittersweet now. in high school, you would see them every day, but these days, you rarely ever see him, tsuki or yachi. you really missed them.

"you know that without you, school isn't the same." you couldn't really see his face because he was staring up at the sky, but you would think he was wearing a sad expression.

he stared down at you as you lay your head against his shoulder, and his heart began to race. his feelings for you were probably well known to everyone but you. although it might have been better that way.

"i also really miss you, yams."

before you broke the quiet, the both of you simply gazed at each other for a minute without saying anything. "maybe not just as a friend."

his face heat up and he thought he was dreaming. but you were there and you were real. the way you were both leaning in at the same time made it very clear that it was a mutual feeling.

s. eita ⊹₊⟡

he wanted to show you some new songs he's been working on for his band, which is why you came over to his house. he mentioned his appreciation for your feedback and asked how you felt about the song's progress or lyrics.

of course, you enjoyed hanging out with your best friend as well as listening to his music and learning about his recent activities. you were loving it so far when he played you the tune and a few of the lyrics to give you a sense of how it would go.

“was the song written by you? i like the lyrics.” he appeared anxious all of a sudden when you gazed up at him. "yes, I did. i’m glad you like them.”

"looks like you're going through it with this mystery person," you said with laughter. since you didn't see eita as often as you would have liked, you couldn't hold it against him that you didn't know he liked someone.

it may be because you’ve been his best friend, or it may have been the ache in your heart you’ve been trying to ignore since your high school days together, but the idea of you not knowing made you sad.

“yeah tell me about it," he scoffs, "she's kind of dumb and hasn't taken any hints." by then, you were so focused on the lined paper holding his lyrics that you were oblivious to the way he was staring at you.

he took the paper out of your hands and sat down next to you. "are you wondering who the song is about?" you just gave him a nod, and he gave you a look. "it’s about you, idiot."

“well i have another dumb question for you. can you kiss me?" you looked at him with a smile. he leaned down to get closer, whispering, “i thought you’d never ask."

h. shoyo ⊹₊⟡

in an effort to keep from crying, you mostly kept silent while you helped him pack to leave for brazil. it would be strange to not have him around, even though you knew he would return.

his heart clenched when you placed his belongings in the suit case in such a delicate and nice manner. the reality of not seeing each other for an unknown amount of time would sink in if he said something now. he was going to miss you so much.

sho felt especially bad since he loved you so much and was unsure of how he would manage without you. especially with how much you care about him.

there was nice conversation and nostalgic music playing during the drive to the airport. anxiety began to grip you both as soon as you got to the airport. despite his insistence that it was fine, you helped him in carrying his baggage.

you kind of thought that the line would be longer so you could spend more time together, but it wasn’t so you accepted it to avoid being a party pooper.

the difficult part, saying goodbye, came next. he turned to face you, and his eyes were filled with sadness. it was heartbreaking to see the joyful and vibrant person you knew leave.

as you both gave each other a hug, he gave you a back rub. "i’m going to miss you, so you better return a pro." you heard him laugh, and it was enough to make you feel a bit better. "don’t worry, i will. i’ll miss you too. i promise to text you, okay?”

his eyes traveled over your face as he drew back to gaze at you, but you could see that they were continuously looking down at your lips. you smiled, and he leaned to kiss you as if he could read your thoughts.

although it was new, you were aware that it was an unspoken promise that you would both wait for one another.

————————— 𐔌⋆🍊 ̟ ˚ !! 𐦯 —————————

[ask-philgraves]

Permanent Hiatus..?

Hello all. This is probably my final post on this account.

You all deserve an explanation, so I'll give it to you here.

I have exhausted every last resource I possibly can to keep my finances in order. Unfortunately, I have two Hail Mary's left, and neither one of them look like they're going to be working out. I have called 211, and now, I am going to see if I can donate plasma for cash on Monday. It's probably going to be denied because of my health issues, and therefore I won't get any money. The 211 will also probably be denied, because there are others in my state (of North Carolina) that have lost everything to Helene, and all resources are (rightfully) going to them.

So? I have nothing left. There's nothing I can sell, and there's no way for me to get my medicine or feed my dog until my paycheck comes in, which will be held back because the first is always held back. I won't be able to pay my bills, or file my taxes because of my lack of money. If my car insurance lapses, I won't be able to have a valid license. If that happens, I can't work.

If I can't work, well, my boyfriend can't support me and my dog. We'll have to move back. However with the job market the way it is, I will not be able to get a job back at my grandparents either.

I now probably won't be able to go to college anymore since the department of education has been fully dissolved. So, possibly no more FASFA, and even if it's still around, it will either be left unattended with no employees to approve or deny the papers, or the government will dissolve it too.

All this to say, this is it. I'm at the end of the road, and there's nothing I can do. Either these Hail Mary's work, and I'm saved, or the very real possibility they don't, and what next is just suffering. There's nothing I can do, and nothing y'all can do. I can't fight my body, my mind and the government.

So, no. I'm not going to kill myself. I've come too far to do that bullshit now.

But is this a permanent goodbye to Tumblr and this amazing community?

... most likely so.

I've been trying to juggle expectations and the reality of my young adult life so far. Balance having fun and going to work, while trying to find a balance with my health. Now? There's quite literally nothing.

I've spent about 5 hours in the worst panic attack a person could experience, only for my emotions to go totally numb these past three hours. I'm crying, but there's no emotion. I'm smiling, with no emotion. There's nothing but a husk at the moment, and that terrifies me.

What it means, I have no clue. Could be a horrible panic attack or something worse. I don't know and I don't care at the moment.

But I do want to tell you all that whatever hardships you're facing in your life right now? That shit isn't your fault. Most of this was decided by old bastards centuries ago, and they left us in this dying system who is only fueling itself by our agony. That's a shared trait everyone in the world has. Whether you're an American, African, Arab, Asian, European, Slavic, Hispanic or Indigenous person.

Our pain is caused by people who profit from it. They won't ever stop until everyone rises against them. But that won't happen until the majority of humans are being negatively affected.

So, make community. Live fast, Love Hard, and Laugh Long. Triple L's. As for me, I'm going to cocoon myself and make the last years I have of my life count, because unfortunately, I will probably be one of the first deaths when the system starts to really crash down... And with how it's heading, my mortality is a ticking clock.

Thank you for everyone I've interacted with. Thank you for everyone who has sent me love, hate or just questions. Thank you to everyone who has made me feel the most miserable to the person that made me feel the most alive. Thank you to my friends, thank you to my community, and thank you for listening to all my rambles, my upset chatter, and me argue and fuss and fight and claw my way to where I am, thank you for seeing the kind nature in me and not ruining it and thank you for nurturing the love and respect I have for every one of you to new extremes.

Thank you all.

This is Cassie, playing Phillip Graves, signing off permanently as of Saturday, March 22, 2025.

[onedreamonelife]

blowing up kurts world..(litterally)🌎

this is a kurt kunkle x reader smut collab with my twt oomf 🪡 mdni, enjoy!!

fem!reader sub!kurt

Kurt was your clingy spree diver that always texted you about the most random things. showing you his computer setup, his Pokémon cards ,and the action figures that are hung up in his closet. He was always offering you rides, and inviting you over and since this time you were bored and wanted to get high , and he promised he’d let you hit all his vapes, you finally caved. Kurt was going on and on rambling about Bobby and how he gets no views on his streams. you suddenly interrupted-

“yknow, kurt…I know something that will get you some views…lots of em.”

Kurt’s eyes light up. “you do? I mean you’re a hot girl, guys like hot girls I mean maybe we can play a game together- maybe we can try out my new kiwi vape, it’s like super refreshing-“ you cut him off again, god this man never stops talking.

“no, Kurt.” you hold up a hand, shutting him up mid-babble. “not that.” you lean in a little, dropping your voice. “I’m talking viral. like… front page of reddit. trending on twitter. shit people remember.”

he swallows hard. you can tell he’s trying to stay chill, but his knee’s bouncing and his fingers are twitching near his phone like he’s already imagining the comments. “yo, this guy’s a legend.” “finally, real content.”

“wha- what do I need to do?”

without a beat, you ask sweetly, “have you ever had your dick sucked, Kurt?”

you see the way his breath hitches, eyes darting up to meet yours with that dumb hopeful gleam. he doesn’t answer right away. probably can’t form words. you can practically hear his brain short circuiting.

you’re perched on the edge of his cluttered desk, the soft whirr of his PC fans hums behind you, screen still open to his latest livestream with maybe, what? six viewers tops. his chat’s dead. like always.

you lean forward just slightly, tilting your head. “I said,” you repeat, slower this time, letting your finger glide down the center of his chin, “have you ever had your dick sucked before, Kurt?”

Kurt looks like you just slapped him in the face with a fish. This is the only time you’ve ever seen him silent, and you could get used to it!

“uhh, that’s uh- not really any of your business,” he dryly tries to joke, his cheeks flushing red. he shifts awkwardly in his chair, and you bite back a smile. this is just too easy.

"oh come on now," you coo in a voice like honey. "i thought we were friends, kurt. friends help eachother out.”

he finally manages to stammer out something coherent. "we-we are. friends. of course we are. I give you rides like..everywhere, and you’re always on my streams and stuff.”

Then…let me suck your dick. I bet you’d get like..5 thousand clicks with me on the thumbnail just..suckin your cock, lookin all pretty.”

he runs a trembling hand through his messy hair. "is this like a prank or something? bobby I swear if you put her up to this-“

you sigh, exasperated, and push off the desk. in an instant, you’re standing behind his chair, running your hands up and down his arms, looking at his computer screen.

The current live stream has already hit 50 viewers and comments are slowly flowing in;

“she’s smokin hot”

“ bro just let her suck your cock”

“cant wait to jack off to this shit”

“youre so fuckin lame kurt, no I didn’t set her up for this shit”-bobbybasecamp

Kurt’s eyes are glued to the screen, and he looks like he might pass out with all the blood rushing to his face. you can see him glancing back at you out of the corner of his eye, but he can’t bring himself to look away from the comments scrolling by.

Fine guys. you really want to see her suck my..my dick? Well guess what. It’s about to happen, just press the like button, and follow me,kurtsworld96-

his attempt at bravado is downright pathetic. he’s trying so hard to act like he’s in control, puffing out his chest like some kind of pornstar, but you’re having too much fun to stop him. you get on your knees and angle the camera to show his bottom half- those damn jeans hanging low on his hips, and your whole face perfectly in frame. oh and cant forget the tits.

he’s already changing the title of the livestream to “HOT CHICK SUCKS MY DICK- TRY NOT TO CUM CHALLENGE”

you glance at the top corner of the screen, viewers ticking up by the second. 50… 113… 147… 200. and the chat? utter chaos:

“no way this is real”

“KURT YOU LEGEND”

“pls don’t move the cam”

“those lips holy shit”

“bro she’s gonna ruin your life (lucky af)”

you settle between his knees, palms flat against his thighs, dragging slowly upward just to watch the way he shivers. his breath catches. he stares down at you like he’s watching some fever dream come true. scared to blink, scared to breathe, scared to fuck this up.

you curl your fingers around the waistband of his jeans, tugging them low, slow, deliberately lazy. you take your time like you’re unwrapping a present you’re only half-interested in. his boxers follow, and yeah, he’s already hard. pathetic. expected.

you meet his wide, dazed eyes and flash a wicked grin, your fingernails grazing just above his hips.

“you nervous, Kurt?” you purr, tilting your head.

he lets out a breathy laugh that cracks halfway through. “I—I’m not—no, I’m good. I’m… totally good.”

you stifle a giggle. “god, you’re such a virgin.”

and the way he doesn’t argue? that’s all the confirmation you need.

he leans back in the chair, face shielded from the camera his knuckles grip the armrests tight.

knees pressing into the carpet, you pull his boxers down to his thighs. dramatic, slow, letting the air hit him and watching the goosebumps rise. his dick springing out from the waistband.

you curl your hand around him. warm, smooth, sure. and give him one slow stroke. his body tenses like a live wire. then you lean in, tongue sliding along the underside of his length, unhurried, teasing. when you reach the tip, you let your lips press against it in a soft, deliberate kiss like a promise.

he chokes on a breath, hips twitching.

you look up at his face, he can barely keep his eyes open yet theyre glued to yours, you give him a little smile before you lower your head again, taking him into your mouth.

the chat is exploding, message after message flooding in. it’s just a sea of “oh my god” and “fuuuuck” and “so hot”

you begin to bob your head with a messy rhythm, taking him deeper with wet, sloppy sounds just loud enough for the mic to pick up. he makes the most delicious noises, his hands clenched into trembling fists on either side of him.

you reach up to grab his wrists. you place his hands on your head, feeling the way he hesitates before you give a little nod. he grips your hair, the fingers of one hand gently playing with your hair and the other clenching like he’s trying to hold it in. you look up at him and you swear his soul leaves his body as he meets your eyes, his lips parted in a silent moan. 

“Holy shit.. fuck..fuck… he stutters. “fuck im gonna cum already..”

his head drops back on the chair exposing the length of his neck. it's a vision to see him like this, reduced to a pathetic mess.

he’s panting harder now, and the way his thighs are trembling under your hands, the muscles of his stomach tense enough you could bounce a coin off of it, you can tell he’s close, so close.

you pop off of him just long enough to catch your breath. looking up at him through your lashes, your hand continues stroking, your mouth just a few inches away from the tip.

“not yet,” you say. “not till I say so.” 

"please," he chokes out, and you’ve never heard that much need in two syllables. you give him a little squeeze, your thumb running over the sensitive spot under the head.

a shiver runs through him, followed by a series of shuddering breaths.

"baby, please." he whines out,.

your pussy is dripping at this point.

the chat has lost it. you can see the comments flying in so fast you can’t even read them, and you know there a thousands of guys watching you, all jerking off to the sight of you taking him apart. and you love it.

“lucky bastard looks like he’s in actual heaven”

”yo what’s the OF?”

”please let him nut this hurts”

“how is this not banned 💀”

his chest is rising and falling in sharp, shallow breaths, like he's just run a marathon and lost, gripping the arms of the chair again now, knuckles white, trying to be still, trying not to come undone just from the way you're looking at him.

you rise up a little, resting your hands on his thighs again, steady and slow, letting your fingertips trace circles. you're in no rush. that's the fun of it.

the chat is going insane.

"this is the most intense edging i've ever seen"

"bro's gonna explode"

"her CONTROL holy shit"

"this is cinema"

"i'm not even mad anymore i just respect it"

you glance at the camera with that same calm smirk—like you've been here a thousand times before. like you're the director of a film you've already seen the ending to, and everyone else is just catching up.

Kurt's still whispering under his breath, half-words, pleas, curses. you lean forward and press your lips softly to his stomach, and he makes the quietest sound, something like a whimper, something like your name.

"I didn't think..." he mutters, breathless. "I didn't think this would actually happen."

you smile against his skin. "you're welcome."

your hand starts moving again. slow, firm. his hips twitch and you press down on his thigh, keeping him grounded.

"I can't... I don't think I can hold it," he gasps.

"you can," you say gently. "you will."

you flick your gaze up to the camera one more time. you're not smiling anymore—your expression is serious now, electric, charged. this isn't a joke. this is performance.

You bring your mouth close to him again, closer, just hovering.

"now," you whisper. "now, you can."

you wrap your mouth around his dick for the last time and the moment it hits him? he shatters.

his whole body arches, a strangled cry slipping from his throat, eyes squeezed shut, breath stolen out of his lungs. his hands are in your hair again, desperate, clinging. he's not even thinking anymore. just feeling.

his warm cum shoots down your throat, a feelings you’ve felt before but never this good. and with Kurt? yeah, you’re shocked.

the chat fully breaks:

"HE ASCENDED"

"OH MY GODDDDD"

"this changed me spiritually"

"that was like watching a man meet god"

"10/10 best stream of the year"

you stay still for a second, soaking in the wreckage. then you sit back on your heels, brush your hair behind your ear, and look up at him with his cum on the corner of your mouth. he’s completely blissed out, wrecked, still catching his breath.

"say thank you," you murmur.

and he does. of course he does.

[julesnichols]

hiii again!! so building up on your tags about mark and helly's first time, i think the scene is even more tender and loving bc as you said about him having "the illusion of control", him leading a little is entirely directed towards causing her pleasure. i think him already knowing her body from the ortbo is something he channels towards showing her what her body can do for her, and the eye contact also shows that he's always looking for her reaction and responding to that the most. so it's also like him leading her through what he already knows about her, like she's getting to know herself through his memory of her if that makes sense?

I'm so sorry this took me forever to get to 😅 for context, this was about my tags on this post

And yes!!! It does make sense.

Helly starts the whole thing off by telling Mark that she hates that Helena stole that moment from them, and that Helena controls her down to the way she dresses. And then when Mark offers to tell her what happened, Helly stops him and says she wants her own memory, not Helena's. The biggest reason Helly has sex with Mark at that moment (though obviously, I think she probably wanted to before, but I just mean as the immediate catalyst) is her wanting to reclaim her first time with Mark for herself. They can't ever go back and make it Mark's first time again, but it's still Helly's and Mark wants to make it good for her.

So that's where what you're saying comes in, I think. He's gentle and reassuring when she's nervous and he only undresses as much as she does, following her lead on that. He has experience that she doesn't because of Helena, but presumably since Helena and Helly share the same body what Helly likes would at the least be similar to what Helena likes.

I think that Helly creating a tent of their own is also interesting in the context of wanting her own memory and not Helena's. I would imagine that she wouldn't want a 1:1 recreation but in her own body (and it's not). So I wonder if Mark would also try to be different with her as well. He's definitely got more control in the scene with Helly, even though it's an illusion in the sense that everything is for her benefit more than for his own. At the least, if it's solely based on what he did with Helena, it's still different both in the obvious ways such as the location but also in how gentle and slow the scene in 2.06 is (which is really interesting framing imo because undoubtedly Helena and Mark had more time at the ORTBO than Mark and Helly did in that empty room, yet the latter scene feels slower, even though I'm sure it was not).

So yeah idk exactly what this rambling is. But it's interesting what you're saying and also the way the ORTBO scene clearly influences when Mark sleeps with Helly when it's her first time and not his (and not his with her body, most importantly).

Also, there definitely are parallels so what you're saying is 100% supported (just see the gifset I made of how Mark cradles both their heads when he has sex with them).

[marvelousrants]

Laughes in I still haven't read the books, but this au is surviving solely on spoilers, so please continue enjoying this while I procrastinate reading the first book.

Part 1, part 2

I think in this au Apollo would try and keep the fact that he is Apollo slightly more on the down low, as he can't have people knowing that the great Apollo as not only been turned into a mortal but also lost his hearing and voice. I headcanon that he'd only tell Chiron and Dionysos that he is in fact Apollo at the start, because he is a little embrassed by the whole being a mortal thing.

I think Apollo has slightly more demigod traits in this au as slight compensation for being deaf and mute, meaning that he can eat Ambrosia but has a very low tolerance for it compared to other demigods.

Despite not being able to hear Apollo is still very good at playing instruments, but he is very sad he can't actually hear it himself.

I imagen the infirmary scene is just Apollo nodding or shaking his head at Will a lot because of the whole mute thing and I doubt every character automatically know sign lanuage (well expect the children of Hermes since he is the god of lanuage)

I imagen when Meg is done poking people in the eyes and kicking people in the crotch when she arrives at camp she'll go hunting for a notepad and pen, since at this point she is well aware Lester can't talk or at the very least doesn't know how to (since not all deaf people know how) and that it will be super helpful if he has a reliable way of communicating with people. Meg probably also basically drags Lester around camp most of the time as she at the start is the only person who knows he is deaf and her bringing him a notepad and pen could just be for the whole being mute thing.

Also Apollo might not be able to swear of the river styx since he can't talk.

[poke-poke-poke]

Thinking about pkmn social media-- he's giving tips on how best to take care of pkmn that aren't too keen on water (goomy's there for enrichment)

...

his hoodie got soaked,,

[ascesabo]

sometimes i want to reach through the screen and shake sabo by the shoulders because. god. there's just so much going on with him.

he's first introduced through the veil of luffy's memories- here he's just another feral jungle kid, sticking it out with ace and luffy, the 'nicer' brother in young luffy's eyes. and then boom. you find out he's a runaway noble trying to escape his abusive, neglectful family- and this changes nothing, they still get to become sworn brothers, but just as quickly as this is resolved, his asshole of a dad takes the three of them hostage. and what does sabo do? he gives up the little sliver of freedom he'd fought for, is willing to become miserable and lonely again if it means ace and luffy are spared. and then he comes home to find that in his absence, his parents have already found a replacement! great!

and he doesn't even get to address how fucked up that is, because stelly runs his mouth and now sabo's too busy trying to figure out how to stop his brothers and their home from getting burnt to the ground. he never gets to give them a proper goodbye- he exhausts himself trying to reach them, but he can't because. you know. he's ten. so where does this leave sabo? ten years old, with nowhere to go- he sets out to sea to try and start over, and for the crime of wanting to escape a terrible life, he's punished with an explosion to the face. he loses his memories, his brothers lose him- and so the cycle continues.

then the army saves him, takes him in; he's essentially a child soldier, with how prodigious of a fighter he is from the get-go. but hey, he thinks he's finally found his footing, even if his past's a blur to him- then it all comes flooding back. in the worst way possible. he sees his brother's corpse and he remembers, but it doesn't matter, does it? he's too late, ace is gone, and sabo's lost ten years of a life he could have shared with his brothers. we don't even know how (if, even) he recovers from this- except for a single passing statement from koala, asking him if he's 'had that dream again' because he'd been crying in his sleep. this is never brought up or addressed again. great!plus, we never do find out if getting blown up at the ripe old age of ten could have left any lasting fire-related trauma; and if it does, what does that mean for sabo, who's pretty much made of it, now?

both of these questions are answered at once- sabo treats the fire as if it's ace. it's ace's legacy he's carrying on, and it's ace he seeks freedom for. he copes by making sure ace lives on in his flames, and how can he ever hate the fire living in him if that fire is all he has left of the brother he never got to see again?

i just have to wonder about him, because he's got so many Issues that just. don't ever get addressed? every time we see him deal with his grief (episode of sabo, his own retelling of events in dressrosa) we never really discover anything about him. i wonder how it felt to finally remember the childhood that eluded him, just to find out he was an unwanted, replacable child. how he feels, living with the knowledge that he could have done something to save ace, that he'd failed to remember the two people he loved the most? i wonder just how terribly that guilt must weigh down on him- because where luffy's already begun to heal, sabo still sees ace in everything he does. his title of flame emperor is a direct callback to ace's final attack in his fight against blackbeard. he talks to his goddamn fire like his brother is still in front of him, which is sweet and heartbreaking and, considering his backlog of unaddressed trauma... incredibly unhealthy. i know these will probably be left unresolved for the sake of moving the story forward- but god, sabo, are you okay?

[splinteredsweets]

i'm gonna go insane

whenever i watch the opening of wreck it ralph i can't help but wonder ... ok so originally and for years i've always thought the other bad guys just didn't fully understand how much shit ralph has gone through for his entire life and they have better lives which i think is in parts still true , as they do appear to have get-togethers often and they seemingly have other friends while ralph had no one , but i unfortunately don't feel like that's the extent of it and that there's more to it than that .

on one rewatch something about their phrasing bothered me ... 'we've all felt what you're feeling and we've come to terms with it' like this could either - again - mean just that 'we didn't exactly like doing bad things but as bad guys it's our job to' but then i thought ... what if they also experienced a similar situation of mistreatment by their good guys and npcs ? what if they still experience that ? but it's just easier to deal with because they all have each other ? if bad-anon isn't just for 'im bad and that's good' but like the only place they find acceptance ?? bc like when ralph is walking home from pac-man's , the other characters he comes across say 'bad guy coming' like ??? do all bad guys experience this ??? but we just don't get to see it ??? ralph is the only one stopped by surge protector in the instances we see but who's to say the other bad guys don't get stopped on occasion too and we just don't see it ? or maybe they're let off easier bc they've 'accepted their place' . oh my god .

and at the end of the movie , ralph is treated better by the nicelanders , which is good ofc , but how are the other bad guys doing ??? if they've been through something similar , are they being treated better too ??? i sure hope so ... like maybe there was like some kind of meeting offscreen like 'hey can we stop outcasting bad guys for just doing their jobs please' idk ... i just have a horrible terrible feeling there's no way the other bad guys aren't facing or at the very least have faced similar discrimination . it's just easier to deal with bc they've had to forge a community to support eachother . because no one else will give them the respect after-hours . im sure someone else has mentioned this before idk i just need to get it out b4 i lose my mind

i could phrase this all more eloquently but i think i might just end up overthinking myself to death i tend to do that a lot

[caluupin]

Finished TGAAC around 2 1/2 weeks ago but only finished the doodles today. but still, here ya go!

[snarkspawn]

I was searching lucanis and fell in love w your art of him, went to follow and realized I already l already was! Must've fallen for it twice 🥰🥰🥰

But now I just keep wondering what fandom I followed you for first...

hahaha welcome back, friend!

To be fair, it might have been Dragon Age! If you're also a longtime fan, that is. Back in the day I made this art sideblog specifically for my DA art before I eventually branched out - although I did cycle through a lot of other fandoms and hyperfixations in the meantime so yeah it ... could've been any of them :'D

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[anoant-haikyuu-dump]

"trio built like a sitcom" is just SUCH a good tag I love it

I MEAN LOOK AT THEM, ALL THEY NEED IS A LAUGH TRACK AND A COUCH

[change-name-later]

Maybe I'm too tired atm. But I just now realized that what would have been the one year anniversary to IGBP ended up overlapping with the Puzzlevision arc.

So maybe since a certain tv is locked away in prison. It'll be brought at some point up, maybe in this week's episode? Perchance?

[affluent-havoc]

Something that fascinated me about the Chapter 2 trial was when Makoto says this (pardon the screenshot quality and SPOILERS AHEAD of course ^v^)

For one, no Makoto, you cannot know the exact thoughts Byakuya was having in that moment, not that I'm mad at you for that Makoto. But, anyway, I was thinking and, the only scissors we know of in the school for a fact are Jack's. And, unless there were kitchen sheers or perhaps anything in storage, there's no other scissors in the school that could be used. Plus, there is no way Byakuya's going to try and get closer to Toko and Jack any more than he has to just to nab some scissors. Which, another thing of note is that, in most of the pictures of Jack's murders, the victims are pinned to walls with the scissors which must be made of some strong stuff due to the fact that they were lodged into the walls strong enough to break said walls.

Another thing of note is, according to the localization in the little bit of the case file we're giving (shown up above of course ^v^), there's some more patterns with the cases. At least with what we're shown, two victims were both outside of their apartments in a parking lot which makes me wonder of Jack specifically also choses to do the murders outside, almost as if displaying the bodies out for the world to gawk at, to show the world their filth as a display of the betrayal they did to her. That's leaning towards speculative territory though. This also got me wondering some other stuff though. One, is Toko secretly buff in the arms or something? This is mostly a joke but also seriously. Toko is a twig unless Jack's adrenaline rushes are just that powerful! Though ghosts and martial arts teleportation (among other shenanigans) exist in the world of Danganronpa, so who am I do judge the realism here! Another thing I want to mention is, have we even been shown enough of Byakuya's own strength capabilities to judge if he is capable to break and crack a wall like that? Maybe he could. But, would he even deem it worth the physical effort? Which this all goes back to the specific phrasing Makoto uses here; "He consciously" chose to use the extinction cord". Maybe he did, using the train of thought that Byakuya might have felt it as "too much effort" to try and make it more believable or to have it be too much effort to find anything else to suspend Chihiro's body. But, this is also the same man who went out of his way to do all this in the first place. Which brings me back to the idea that maybe it wasn't him specifically using the extinction cord like that. Perhaps it was that lack of resources idea I mentioned earlier, not being able to get any other scissors in the school. He is a resourceful guy after all. He knows the Genocide Jack cases to the finite details to probably clock out that the victims where specifically suspended via the scissors being lodged into the walls and through the victims themselves. Moreover, he probably could have noticed that all the victims were guys too and, Chihiro being perceived as a girl at the time by him and everyone else, would have perhaps known all along that there would always be holes in this plan of his. He was at least carful enough with Chihiro's body not to touch it inappropriately, perhaps a hint of the gentlemanly upbringing of his (though that's speculation and cannot fully be proven) Additionally, there is also the aspect of time. Did he have the time to attempt to rummage his way into potentially finding scissors to make this crime scene look more realistic? Did he have time to potentially get close enough to Toko in the span of a night to find a way to snatch Jack's scissors somehow, and then be able to scurry his lanky ass back to the scene of the crime to pin up the body? Would he have time to think up of any other alternative to suspending the body other than to use the extinction cord? Would he even want to do all of that in the first place? This is all once again speculation but it just makes me curious. And, yes, he disrespected the dead by doing that to Chihiro. He didn't scathe the body though and it's already established he did not touch the body any more than he deemed necessary. That's a fact with the twist of the second trial and how much he really didn't know despite knowing who the true culprit was the whole time. So, who knows. Maybe deep down, there could be a part of Byakuya that didn't want to go that far with making the scene, which he knew deep down would never look real enough, knowing Jack's type of targets. There's just so much to this though. After all, Makoto himself isn't a reliable narrator in a way. The closing arguments are close to reality, yes. But not fully. After all, in chapter 2, since Makoto only knew so much before Monokuma gave the reveal and the closing argument was before that.

Who's to say he was EVER this sinister during the night Chihiro died. Who's to say that he CONSIOUSLY chose the extension cord. Perhaps he did in a way as a twisted sense of pity for Makoto who he suspected could be a far stronger threat to his chance of winning the killing game. It all depends on your perspective, your interpretation. I'm just rambling about all of this though! Stuff like this just fascinates me ^v^

[accirax]

so... exciting announcement... i was hired to work on Reality Resort as a storyboard artist!

for those of you who haven't heard, Reality Resort is a Total Drama-inspired show on YouTube, produced by Cove and animated by Odd Nation Cartoons. its pilot episode just dropped a few hours ago!

to be clear, i didn't contribute at all to the first episode-- i was only hired about a week ago to contribute on episode 2 and beyond. speaking of, it'll be a lot easier for us to make episode 2 and beyond with more support for the show, so please consider checking out the pilot if the show sounds up your ally. the team is super cool and welcoming, and i've had a ton of fun with what i've worked on so far.

as for this blog, given that i'm now part of the show's staff, i won't be making any sorts of speculative content about Reality Resort or any of the other planned shows in the Reality Gauntlet. this is obviously because i know things the average viewer doesn't, and because i wouldn't want anything i was genuinely blindly speculating on to be interpreted as fact/a hint. however, Disventure Camp content (as well as all of the usual stuff) will continue as normal! (other than that i now have a bit less free time :,) )

anyways, i hope any of you who do decide to check it out will enjoy! as Cove has said in the comments, the first episode isn't perfect, and there are still plenty of quirks to iron out in the future. but, i think that the future of the show is looking bright, and i and the rest of the team appreciate any support you're willing to give. :)