#wilford warfstache x gender neutral!reader

[jacksepticeye-simp]

Since you say requests are open and you want some 🤭

I haven’t seen a Wilford one from you in your masterlist, so! (If you were comfortable with it!) something where Wilford confesses to a gn reader. Where Wilford asked them out, but the reader thinks it’s a friendly outing but when Wilford asks them to date him, they fully realize the situation and get flustered!

Keep putting out stories, you’ve got this and I’m proud of you Andrew! ☺️

Confession (Wilford Warfstache x GN! Reader)

OOOO I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE FOR WILFORD!! ALSO TYSM FOR YOUR KIND WORDS LJ THEY MEANS LOTS TO ME!! <333

The clock on the wall of your office was ticking away as you typed on the computer. You still had a long way to go before your shift ended, But it wasn't like you had much outside of work in the first place considering you lived by yourself. You started typing again, but you were interrupted by a hand being put on your shoulder, which startled you and caused you to fall off your chair. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry my dear. Are you alright?" a familiar voice asked, reaching a hand out towards you. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment as you met Wilfords gaze. He smiled charmingly as he helped you up. "I'm fine, thank you, Wil." You said, quickly looking to the ground. "Good! I can't have my future lover- I mean.. very good friend being injured!" He stated, brushing some floor dirt of your shoulders. "Did you need anything?" You asked him, sitting back down on your chair. "Oh yes! Would you meet me in my office in about..30 minutes? I have something of utmost importance to discuss with you." He responded, straightening his bowtie. Before you could agree, he was gone and there was a sucker on your desk of your favourite flavour. You pondered on why Wilford might want to meet you in his office, He was very unpredictable so really it could be anything from a trap to kill you or wanting your help with something.

30 minutes had passed and you walked into Wilfords office, taking in the scenery. It was like walking into a parallel dimension where everything was vomited on by pastels and a rainbow. The only thing that really stuck out in the room was the blob of void which was Wilfords cat. The cat perked up and ran over to you, rubbing herself up against your legs happily. You felt oddly compelled to pet this cat, so you did. The cat purred and meowed in response, continuing to rub her fur all over your clothes. "Thank you, I appreciate the gesture." You told the cat, your tone dripping with sarcasm. Wilford appeared and picked up the cat, smiling at your presence. "Oh you came! I'm very glad." He spoke eagerly as he set the cat atop the cat tree in the room. "Now, we have much to discuss. Have a seat!" He said, ushering you towards the empty chair on the opposite side of his desk. "So, why did you want me here?" You asked, a hint of fear in your tone. "I wanted to know if you'd perhaps be interested in dinner with me tonight? My treat of course." He said, smiling like the gentleman he was. "Oh sure! I'd love to. I always enjoy it when my friends ask to hang out!" You said, smiling. Wilfords smile faltered for a moment. "..Right, yes..̷f̷̷r̷̷i̷̷e̷̷n̷̷d̷̷s̷...." You could've sworn his eye twitched. "Well then my dear, you should be finishing up your work. I wouldn't want to keep you from it." He said, waving his hand at you dismissively. You exited the office, closing the door behind you.

Wil turned around in his chair as he twirled his mustache. "I must wow them with something grand. Something that'll surely sweep them off their feet." He thought long and hard, but his legs started cramping. He went to get up but he felt a fluffy mass in his lap. He looked down and found his cat sitting there. "Hm. Well, that's a problem." He stated while petting the cat.

A few hours later, you entered the restaurant and gaped at how marvelous it was. You felt incredibly out of place as a hostess guided you to where Wilford sat. He looked absolutely gorgeous, wearing a wonderful crisp suit and pink tie, he held something behind his back but you couldn't make out what it was exactly. He smiled brightly as he saw you. "You made it! Have a seat!" You did as told, sitting in front of him. "I've been meaning to tell you something, very very important..But it may damage our friendship.." He hesitated for a moment. "Whatever you tell me, I'm sure it won't damage anything about our friendship. You're my best friend Wiford and you always will be, no matter what." Wilford sighed. "I am going to cut straight to the point. I am madly in love with you and I'd very much like it if you'd become my lover." He quickly said, placing a bouquet pink roses between the 2 of you. Your cheeks flushed a shade of red you never thought existed. "Y-You like me? W-Wil..I..I feel the same.." You sputtered out, your face only getting hotter. Oh god, you felt like you were about to pass out from excitement. Wilford smiled. "I love you, so very much sugarplum."

"I love you too, Wil.."

[lotusconstellation]

Introduction

———————————————————

Greetings and salutations everyone! My name is Lotus, my pronouns are They/He.

I am a multi-fandom writer, I haven’t posted anything but I do write a lot in my spare time and I would be happy if you guys sent in suggestions or request on what I should write.

For now, the fandom’s I will write for is

-Lego Monkie Kid (LMK)

-The Stanley Parable

-The Monkey King: Reborn

-New Gods: Ne Zha Reborn

-Markiplier egos

-Septiceye egos

-Stardew Valley

(Will add more in future)

I do have to warn you: !!Updates will be slow!!

I struggle with motivation a lot, and I also overthink a lot when I write so please, be patient with me.

I have a few important things to say before I move onto what I will and will not write:

This is a gender-neutral blog. All readers will be classified as gender-neutral or if you are transgender. If you want something specific, then you will have to DM me.

I also write for myself, writing my comfort characters x my persona and will probably post some of my work on here. I am not entirely comfortable with writing others personas or OC’s just yet but I am not opposed to doing so, if you would like me to write any OC’s, self inserts, or persona’s, please DM me and we’ll discuss it!!

This applies to my do's and don'ts, but this is very important for everyone to hear. Do not request anything that goes against the creators wishes, especially if you know that your request is going to be against their boundaries. If you do so, I'm going to say no. We need to respect everyone's boundaries, including the creators! They have every right to have a set of boundaries and should be respected.

What I will write:

-Fluff

-Implied Suggestive content (depending on the fandom I am writing for)

-Yandere Content

-X reader

-Headcanons

-Oneshots

What I will NOT write:

-Incest

-P*dophilia

-Character x Character

-Any serious topics such as sexual harassment, r@pe, self harm (this one might have an exception), etc

-Smut

One more important thing. PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK AND CREDIT ME IF YOU DECIDE TO SHARE MY WORK

That’s all, have a good Day/Afternoon/Night! Hope to write for you soon! 💜💜💛💛

[leighsartworks216]

Oh, if it’s songs you need to listen to, then boy howdy, I got a request for you!

In lieu of the absolute tragedy I’ve asked for in the past, perhaps we could do a Warfstache x Reader based on Livin’ It Up On Top where the reader is still the DA, but it’s more of a happier piece where the DA returns to the egos after each of Mark’s adventures, and Warfstache heads the celebration for it?

~ 🌺

I am SO sorry this took so long. My brain unexpectedly switched from hyperfixating on egos to like 4 different fandoms and it hasn't switched back to egos yet

This isn't really based on the song (I couldn't get into it sorry) but you've been waiting so so long and my brain is kinda mush so here's headcanons on Wilf welcoming you back home after an adventure w Mark instead

Warnings: mentions of food and drink but it's not specified what

Masterlist

AO3

Acting as a main character in one of Mark’s stories is exhausting

Esp when you weren’t trained to be an actor

But you weren’t really an acting DA anymore after “the incident we don’t talk about”, so Mark dragging you along on make believe adventures was the best option

Sometimes you’d be gone for a week, other times you’d be gone for months

(One time you were gone for a whole year)

When you would be back was always relayed to the Egos, but sometimes Wilford knew before anybody else

They would get the message you’re returning tomorrow and Wilford has already been planning for a week off a “hunch”

He always makes sure your favorite food is prepared - everything from snacks to dessert

He sets up banners and streamers and large stereos, usually with help from the Jims

The moment you step into the door, you’re greeted with your favorite music, favorite food and drinks, and the man who planned it all pulling you into his arms in a bone-crushing hug

Wilf always calls you cute little nicknames too like “sugarplum”, “sweetheart”, etc etc

When you’re finally released from the hug, he always asks how the adventure was and gave you absolute free reign to rant about Actor to him

All the while he’s looking you up and down, making sure you’re not hurt or actually too tired to have a party

He doesn’t even know he does it, he’s brimming with too much energy to notice

You’re never hurt, thankfully (God knows what he would do to Actor if you were)

But if he sees you’re too tired for the party he set up, he slings an arm around your shoulders and in a snap you’re both upstairs in your room, already dressed in PJs

The food and drinks (or maybe a copy of them? You still weren’t sure) also managed to find their way spread along your desk

Wilf would act as a little servant, bringing you drinks and food (if you wanted any) and making sure you were totally comfortable

He always beelines right for the dessert, cursed with the world’s worst sweet tooth

And you’ll hang out, mindlessly talking about anything and everything you missed or experienced, sometimes sharing bites of each other’s food

Everybody else (who cared to take part in the celebration) could rock it up downstairs all the while you relaxed upstairs

If you weren’t too tired from your long excursion, Wilf would drag you along into the party

He’d reintroduce everyone like you were meeting them for the first time, but everyone would play along and welcome you back

You’d have to say hi to Dark later; he hates parties of any kind, and Wilford can only drag him into one so many times

Some of the egos would give you hugs, but if Wilford thought they were lingering too long, he’d drag you to the next person and glare at whoever the offender was (He’s jealous shh don’t tell him)

You could eat, drink, dance, whatever until the sun came up

But Wilford would always stick close by, prepared to carry you upstairs and tuck you in when the exhaustion finally hit

Because no matter how much he loves parties, he loves you more

---

Tag List:

@writeawaythepain

@hyperfixat

@cryptidjester

@your-voice-is-mellifluous

[fictionalsownme]

More Than A Woman | wilford warfstache x gn!viewer / reader |

chapter one - "I've known you very well"

A/N: hi everyone!! I'm so excited to post this! Usually I spend a long time on the stuff I write but I wrote a good chunk of this in a feverish burst haha, I've been wanting to write for Wil and had such a clear idea of how I see him in my head for so long :)) This fic will probably be around 10 chapters~ish and progress will probably be a little slow but I'm also trying to get faster at my writing so I guess we'll see! Getting it down is always the hardest, then you spend a bit of time hating it, then the fixing can start! Anyway, I hope you guys like this, I love this dorky weirdo a lot for whatever reason, and I'd love to write for other egos too :) ((there might be a guest appearance or two in here in the last few chapters if plans don't change 👀)) hope you guys enjoy the first chapter at least! lmk 🥰! word count: 2.9k notes: reader is gender-neutral, similar to all of mark's stuff :) -- the title is just after the song! no pronouns or descriptors are used other than the occasional they/them. reader is the viewer (& district attorney) from wkm, adwm, ahwm, iswm, etc, but that won't come up until later. wmlw wilford. story will be mostly fluff, some hurt/comfort & angst, lots of romance and flirting! story is adapted from an idea I had for my self insert. we will get into some lore stuff (or at least my understanding of the lore 👀) and filling in gaps with headcannons, but it's mostly about wilford & reader and I'll try to explain as we go so don't worry about it too much if you don't know all of it. especially since I don't know if my understanding is always 100% accurate 👉👈 let's have fun yall! 💞

masterlist | AO3

The music playing softly over the convenience store speakers was pleasant, if slightly boring. Like elevator music— there only to help ease the passing of time. Your night shift would end soon, and the sky could be seen as it lightened more every minute through the windowed front of the building.

Other than that, the old store was quiet. Dusty. Pink and orange neon strips lined the walls near the ceiling. They overpowered the dated fluorescent lights, casting everything in a slightly peach haze. Like a dream. 

Different sections of the store were marked with neon too, the letters glowed against the wall denoting the drinks, the snacks, the hot food… You liked your little store. Even if the unyielding isolation of your work made you a bit… complacent. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d truly talked with someone.

The ice creams chilled your fingers through the wrappers as you pulled them from their box and slotted them into place. Even with the cold air of the freezer wafting over you, you could smell the cool summer air coming in the sliding front doors.

You liked to prop them open on dawns like these. The convenience store lights did draw in the occasional pestering bug, but they usually found their way out again before long. You did get a bat once. Albeit a little crazed and frantic, you were surprised to find it harmless. Maybe a little lost. Now that thing seemed like it would never leave. 

Refocusing on your task, you brushed your condensation-soaked fingers on your work apron, tied tight behind your neck and around your back, and shut the freezer door. 

The motion alert chimed a pleasant tune through the staticky old speakers as a customer entered the open doors from the street.

You called an automatic, “Welcome in~,” and went about straightening a shelf of snack bars and chocolate. You didn’t bother to look in their direction as you heard them make their way through the aisles.

“Pardon me,” said their strange, nearly British accent from beside you now. You turned to the source of the voice, the man who’d just walked in, and your eyes went to his outfit first. 

A silky-- almost sparkly in how it caught the light-- lavender shirt with mismatched buttons revealed expanses of his bare chest. It was paired with white bell-bottoms and a fake pink afro hanging half-off his head, about to fall off. He had olive skin and dark hair-- nearly black--, fluffy and sticking up every which way like hands had been running through it. Scruffy facial hair framed a thick mustache that tinted slightly pink where it turned up at the ends.

He looked… honestly, he looked ridiculous. But the 70s getup was fun, you supposed. And his eyes-- dark brown and monolid-- were handsome. Underneath all the… extra mess. You blinked, slowly, in a way that felt like waking up.

“Uh, hi. Are you coming from a costume party or something?” It was August, but you supposed it was never too early to start the spooky season. 

“Oh! Do you know of one? I do love a good costume. But no. Just the regular-sort. Just woke up from one.” He scanned the products near his head, grabbed a protein bar, sniffed the wrapper, guffawed, and put it back.

“You just woke up? Are you alright?”

“Oh, worry not, friend, this is normal for my level of reverie! I’m not even hungover!” He laughed, his hands going to his hips.

You stared at him.

“I was just looking for something to gnaw on! To nourish myself before I’m on my way.” His eyes were still traveling all over, not really seeing you.

Now in theory, a strange man coming in at this hour, acting even stranger, with his clothes disheveled? You knew you should be on your way to your safe space behind the counter to get him checked out and exiting the store as fast as possible. But there was something about him… 

Something you couldn’t place…

Instead you raised your eyebrows and relaxed against the cooler door. “Uh, I guess that depends on what kind of food you like,” You offered. After a moment, his gaze landed on you and he seemed to finally take you in. Your uniform, your crossed arms, your patient expression, your features. His face scrunched into confusion.

A moment passed, staring at each other like that. “Your shirt’s looking a little rough, you know.”

“Have we met, friend?” He asked as he began to fix his buttons. 

You watched passively as more of his chest came into view. He either didn’t notice or didn’t mind your blatant staring. You weren’t sure why you were staring, or what you were feeling as you did so. 

You weren’t gawking at his abs or anything-- well,-- not that he didn’t have abs. He did, sort of. The expanse of his chest and abdomen were tight with toned muscle. He definitely wasn’t lacking abs, anyway. Either way… this was about something different. 

You wondered for a moment if a vague familiarity was what you were picking up on, but quickly dismissed it.

“I feel like I’d remember meeting you.” 

You realized with a start that your comment could be seen as flirtatious, and added quickly, “Just, you know-- generally.”

But he just hummed and spun on his heels, turning away. You sighed and found yourself in-step behind him, hands in your uniform pockets. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

“Well, either way!” He started, his energy returning tenfold. “Let's see what this cute little shop has to eat!” 

For some reason, you asked, “Do you have money?” 

He froze. “Er, no~. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Mind what?”

“Well, spotting me of course! Let’s just say I owe you one, eh friend?”

You rolled your eyes, smiling. “Thought so.” 

Thought so? Maybe you did know him… 

It was your turn to squint in displaced confusion. “What’s your name?”

His voice came from behind you and you spun around, your shoes squeaking on the tile floor. When did he sneak around you? 

He bent over and twirled his hand, a flamboyant bow finally knocking the afro off his head. “Wilford Warfstache, at your service.”

“That’s your name?” 

He righted himself. “For now.” It suited him well enough, but for some reason it sounded misplaced.

… But no, either way, you definitely hadn’t met him before. You didn’t know many people in the first place, let alone someone so eccentric.

Still, you were curious about him. Curious about his personality and who he was. He felt sort of like a puzzle waiting to be solved. And so far, despite his quirks, despite how admittedly weird you’d also been acting, he’d been friendly. You couldn’t say the staring and prodding questions were too in-character for you. At least not when it came to customers. 

His hair looked softer without the wig to weigh it down-- parted at his brow and long enough to fluff over the tips of his ears and end where his neck met his spine. You reached down to scoop the curly mop of synthetic hair up off the floor.

“Where did you get this thing?”

He hummed something like ‘I don’t know’, his eyes sort of wide like a clueless puppy’s. 

“What, you just kind of have it?”

“Yea’p.”

You squinted at him, a smirk forming on your lips. “How about I do you a favor and throw this away?”

He shrugged, hummed an ‘alright’ sound, and turned away. 

“Oh no, I was kidding! God, here--!” You had to grab his wrist to stop him from wandering off further and placed the pink afro in his hand.

You had just been trying to tease him, but now you just felt bad. “Look, Wilford, you want something to eat? We have to throw the hot food out every night. You can have a taquito or a slice of pizza or something if you want.”

Then he was frozen again-- staring down at where your fingers wrapped around his wrist. Your eyes followed his gaze down and then you were staring too.

A moment passed. Then two. Finally, you let go and crossed your arms again, tucking your hands away where they couldn’t embarrass you again.

“... Fuck, I’m sorry. I-I don’t know why I did that.” You did your best to clear your throat.

But he was still stuck there. He blinked a few times and his gaze met your eyes, his brows gathering together. 

“Wh-What did you say your name was, friend?” He seemed so… serious all of sudden. So dire.

You hadn’t mentioned it yet, but told him with a hesitant voice. 

His expression blanked, eyes widening. He brought his arm, the offending afro in tow, to his chest, touching his wrist where you’d held it.

“Oh…” 

You raised your brows and asked softly, “Sorry, do you know me, then?”

“Hm?” And he blinked like his mind was clearing, like he’d forgotten you were there. 

He cleared his throat, smiled-- ear to ear-- his mustache lopsided like a cartoon. “Oh-- nevermind about that! Some food would be lovely, if you don’t mind.”

His eyes were sparkling. 

“Sure. I mean, it’s nothing fancy. Here,” And you walked over towards the front counter. Wilford trailed close behind you-- holding onto the wig in his hands like a school kid holding a lunch box-- his gaze wandering over the store again like he hadn’t seen it the first time.

You arrived at the hot foods section, a glassed-off section of day-old food over heated rods. You shrugged. “If you have a sensitive stomach, maybe don’t,” you started, “but it’s mostly fine to be honest. I eat it if I’m in a pinch, you know.”

You hopped up to sit on the counter, your legs facing Wilford, and leaned back to reach around and grab the tongs waiting there. You straightened and clapped them together twice. You offered him a smile. “What’ll it be, Mr. Warfstache?” Then a quieter, “--that was your last name right?”

“Do you gravitate towards anything yourself?”

“Can’t go wrong with a slice of pizza, I guess. Even here.”

His smile grew sort of soft. “Then that. If you please.”

“You got it.”

You leaned over again and served up the slice of moderately warm and slightly greasy pizza on a brown napkin and passed it off to him. 

“Much obliged.”

You got one for yourself too, and when you righted and your eyes found Wilford again, he was sitting in a retro-style diner chair you’d never seen before-- his feet against the edge of the counter beside you.

You couldn’t help the surprised laughter that choked out of you. “Wha-- where did you even find that?”

The chair teetered on its two legs as he leaned precariously back, tilting his head at your question. The pink wig sat in his lap and you couldn’t help thinking it looked like some weird dog.

“Well, there’s no need to worry! I’m only borrowing it, I’m not a barbarian.”

And you just knew you weren’t getting more of an answer than that.

“So who even are you?” You asked as he took a bite of the pizza, somehow pulling all the cheese right off the top in one piece. He pouted down at the offending mozzarella, slurping it into his mouth and swallowing it. “Do you live around here?”

“Mm. I don’t really live anywhere. Much more the exploring-- ever on the move-- type.”

He was so expressive. It really felt like talking to an old cartoon come-to-life or something. You turned to lean against the side of the glass cover, swinging your legs so your feet rested on the counter, not far from his still against the edge. You weren’t touching at all, but you were surprised at how quickly the two of you fell into a casual-- albeit timidly curious-- rhythm. 

“So what do you do?” And you began to eat too.

He beamed, his smile reaching all the way to his eyes. “I’m an interviewer! Warfstache Tonight, that’s what my show is called! It’s quite a professional endeavor!”

You smiled and hummed around your bite of pizza, impressed. That actually explained a lot. And it suited him nicely enough. “Sounds pretty glamorous.”

“And what about you? You can’t just be a convenience store clerk!” He seemed so affronted by the idea. Crinkling his nose, dropping his voice an octave. “How dreadfully boring.”

You winced. “‘Just a convenience store clerk?’ Ouch, Wilford…” You couldn’t help frowning down at your slice. 

 “Oh! No no, pardon me!” He let the chair fall back to four legs, waving the idea way with a panicked hand. “I only meant that… this isn't what truly stirs your passions, is it? Do you do anything at your leisure? For work or just… something you enjoy?”

You squinted at him. But you didn’t really think he was trying to insult you. And he wasn’t wrong. It just… wasn’t always the most fun when someone pointed it out. Especially like that. 

You sighed, fidgeting as you considered his question. “Not right now… This job keeps me pretty occupied. But you know, it’s not too bad. It keeps me, I don’t know, grounded I guess.”

He thought for a moment, then nodded, taking another bite. “I do hope you get more opportunities soon, then.” He said, surprisingly grounded.

You looked at him. “... Thanks.” And you meant it.

“And… my apologies for the earlier, uh, miswording.”

 “That’s fine… I’d be curious to hear more about your show, though! Have you interviewed anyone interesting or anything?”

A beat. A sort of tiredness settled into his shoulders and he peered up at you. “The odd gold-star guest did wander in from time to time. I’m not sure if my skills were quite deserving of them at the time.”

Was that… shame?

“The truth is, I couldn’t quite live up to the role. I--” He laughed, pained. He cleared his throat. “I’m taking a bit of a break from show business for the moment.”

Ah. So that’s what happened. You offered him a sympathetic smile. “To party? That’s probably why you don’t have any money, Wilford. And why you have to rely on shitty convenience store food?” You held up your greasy napkin like it was evidence.

“Now don’t underestimate the power of a good party! And this food is fine, I’m grateful for it,” He crumpled the now empty napkin and gestured wildly with it. “The truth is I get by just fine. I’m just not sure what else I should be doing.”

You looked out the front windows. The sky was getting lighter. The timer marking the end of your shift would go off any minute.

So maybe that’s why he’d been asking you about your passions. You felt bad for him. He was strange, to be sure. And a little hard to follow. But he was also… sweet. He had a softness about him.

And still… there was that feeling that hadn’t disappeared since meeting him. Like… like your soul recognized him. Maybe not deeply. But distantly. Like you’d met him in a dream. It was a ridiculous notion. Ridiculous didn’t seem beyond his territory.

You turned, legs coming down from the counter once again. You leaned forward, your hand landing at the junction of his shoulder and neck. His silk shirt was soft under your fingers. His eyes jumped up to yours and you looked down at him with a smile. 

“You liked doing your show right? You want to be an interviewer?”

He nodded slowly. His lashes fluttered. 

“Then that’s what you should be doing! You just have to try again!” You shrugged with one shoulder. “It might suck a lot. And you might fail again. But pick yourself back up. Keep going. I’m sure you can do it if you keep at it and think outside the box, you know. Failing only means failing if you stop.”

You leaned back, your hand sliding away. He stared at you.

“That’s what the rest of us do, anyway. Honestly, maybe you should do your show online! You know, livestream it or something. I’m sure you’d find your own way to it.”

Slowly, a smile crept back in, the corners of his eyes creasing. 

“What a wonderful idea…” 

God, his eyes… 

You looked down at your own napkin, laughing a little at yourself. “Wilford, I promise, the advice I just gave you was nothing crazy.”

“Well, perhaps it’s just a little too rare that I get a pick-me-up.”

You hopped down from the counter. “Swing by whenever, I’ll hand them out for free. Though, if you’re always on the move, I guess you’re probably not in town for long, huh?”

He quickly followed your lead and stood, his chair nearly falling in his haste. “Uh— w-well I, I don’t know, I could always… linger for a day or two. Hard to say really.” 

“Uh huh.” You smirked at him, raising your brows. “Well, if that constant partying you have going on brings you back here, feel free stop in, okay? … It’d be nice to have someone in here every once in a while. Well, someone friendly, anyway.” 

“Right. Will do. Of course.”

You gave him two solid pats on the chest and turned to throw the napkins away behind the counter. When you turned to face him again, he was gone.  Only slightly confused, you quickly recovered and yelled a quick, “bye~!” to the now empty store.

[goosedoes-fics]

Quiet

Wilford Warfstache x nonverbal!Reader

Content warnings: Gender neutral reader, use of y/n, boss and employee relationship, what the fuck is a slow burn

Notes: this is another re-upload. errrmmmm wilford the silly

~~~~

"[Y/n]!"

A loud voice jolted you out of your imagination. It was a very slow day, the kind that you'd spend curled up in a blanket by the fireplace, but of course you had to spend it at work. Typical.

You turned expectantly to your jovial sounding co-worker. What you had assumed was correct, as usual. The boss himself, Mr. Warfstache.

To call Wilford a "friend" would be an odd choice of words. You preferred to think of your relationship as strictly professional, but Mr. Warfstache seemed to consider you as a close pal.

Wilford plopped himself unceremoniously next to your seat at the sound booth. A wide grin was present on his face, as usual.

"So! The day's almost over, yeah? You ready to head home?"

You shrugged slightly, hoping he would leave you alone. It's not that you disliked him exactly, but more that he didn't really understand your aversion to conversating. As usual, he paid no mind to your wordless response.

"Me and a few a' the guys are headed over to a fancy li'l resteraunt in the area. And y'know of course I had t' see if you wanted to come along!" The eccentric man grinned wider, maintaining eery eye contact with you.

Naturally, you didn't respond verbally. Honestly, you didn't respond at all. You gave Wilford a strange look, turning your head towards the soundboard and flicking off the power switch for the night.

Wilford leaned forward, trying to catch your eye again. "But, hey, if you don't want a crowd, we can just go by ourselves! The two of us!" he piped up hopefully, his odd voice taking on an even odder tone.

That... actually didn't sound too bad to you. You turned to face him once more, hesitating for a moment before giving him a small nod. His face immediately lit up.

Wilford jumped out of his chair, running a hand through his hair to adjust it. "Well! Let's go now, then!"

With a small sigh, you lifted yourself from the chair, stretching a bit before gathering your belongings and heading for the studio door. Wilford trailed close behind you, locking the door as you exited the building.

The walk was about how you expected it. Wilford chattered away, nearly talking your ear off, but thankfully stayed away from anything that required you to speak. The sun was starting to go down now, painting the sky with a lovely gradient from blue to pink. You took a moment to admire the beauty of the scenery.

It was a little while before you began to realize the two of you had been walking for quite some time. Wilford had piped down a bit, and was glancing around in confusion as he scanned the streets.

"...coulda sworn the damn thing was this way," he muttered, seemingly embarrassed. "Yeah there was... that big ol' sign? And further down was the restaurant, right?"

The odd man seemed quite nervous now. Bits of sunlight filtered through the buildings on the horizon, but the streets were dimly lit as the lamps littering the sidewalks had yet to turn on.

After a moment, Wilford sighed heavily, turning swiftly on his heels. "I don't want us to get lost. Let's just head back." He hung his head sadly. Something told you he had been looking forward to this for a while.

You reassuringly pat his shoulder, making Wilford jump slightly, as if he had forgotten you were there. He looked back at you, giving you a small smile. "Don't you worry, I know where the studio is from here."

The walk back was much quieter than before. Your boss was so uncharacteristically quiet that it startled you half to death when he protectively wrapped an arm around your waist. You didn't protest. The closeness was quite comforting.

Eventually, the two of you managed to return to the studio. It was dark out now, and Wilford dejectedly retracted his arm as he turned to look at you.

"I'm sorry this turned out so boring, [Y/n]," he commented sadly.

You patted his arm again, this time letting the touch linger a bit more than you realized. You swiftly brought your arm back to your side, gazing at the sidewalk with embarrassment.

When you looked back up, Wilford was a bit closer. You felt your face heat up immediately as he drew you into a strong hug. After a moment of shock, you put your arms around him and hugged back.

Wilford pulled away with a deep breath. "Ta be honest, I was really looking forward to spendin' time with you. I didn't mean to get all lost like that."

You blinked in confusion. Wilford was talkative, sure, but he never tried to "spend time" with you outside of work.

"Actually, I'm really sorry for a lot a' things. I know I talk a lot an', I mean, you don't." His words began speeding up as he started to ramble. "You always seem so... uncomfy when I talk to ya. Did it feel like I was pushin' the whole outin' on ya? Gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't think about that, of course it must've felt like that. I'm your boss and you're always so quiet. I wish you had told me, not that this is your fault, but I mean-"

You put a finger over Wilford's lips to stop his rambling, and he cut off quickly. He stared at you for a moment, and as you realized what you had done, you quickly pulled away. You gazed at him and shook your head to indicate his worries were incorrect.

You both stared at each other for a moment. You felt your face heat up in embarrassment once again.

Wilford gently placed a hand on your waist. "Is it okay if I kiss you?" he asked cautiously.

Your face was now evidently reddened. After a moment of processing his words, you nodded slowly.

Wilford brought his face closer to yours, eyes narrowing slightly as he slowly planted his lips on yours. For how rough his hands were, his lips were comfortably soft. The way he kissed you made it seem as if he'd been waiting to for quite some time.

Slowly, he pulled away, pressing his forehead to yours in a caring gesture.

The warmth of the embrace lasted some time before you stepped back, earning a sad whine from Wilford. You smiled slightly.

"It's dark out now. Can I walk you home?" he asked hopefully.

You nodded, grasping his hand firmly as you began leading the way.

The quiet of the night gave you some time to reflect. You realized how easy it was to communicate with Wilford, as you didn't have to say a single word. That was very comforting to you.

Maybe one day you'd even be confident enough to speak in front of him. You smiled at the thought.

Maybe the talkative man wasn't so bad after all.

[littleoddwriter]

Rules, Guidelines, etc.:

[Used to be: ronaldrx]

I'm a hobby writer and mostly write (x Reader) FanFictions and Headcanons. But I am also working on my original story whenever I can, so that I’ll hopefully publish it as an actual book someday. My Ao3.

Here’s a link to my Ko-Fi, in case you want to support me financially. It would mean a lot to me! (Obviously no obligation whatsoever! You never have to pay for anything on my blog, it’s merely an option for donations.)

Also, here are my sideblogs if you’re interested:

Dead Poets Society

Horror

Raúl Esparza

The Simpsons

Only ask for the characters I’ve got listed, please. I’ve written down all of the ones I actually write for, and the list is being updated regularly, as I often find new (actors, whose) characters I write for! (And yes, I always write for every character, so don’t ever worry if you wanna ask for one I haven’t written for in a long time, or ever, it’s fine!) Please always be patient with me. If I haven’t outright declined your request, it’s definitely in the works; even if it has been weeks or months since you’ve sent it in! And only send your requests via ASKs. No DMs or comments, please.

If you have a request, send an Ask to my inbox.

NO sexual NSFW requests, please (more details further down).

Requests = CLOSED (Max. Limit: 10)

Current number of requests: 10

Last updated: October 29, 2023

Masterlists are linked with fandoms/actors/characters below. I WRITE FOR:

ALFRED MOLINA characters:

Doctor Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus

DAVID DASTMALCHIAN characters:

Abner Krill/Polka-Dot Man

Bob Taylor

Denham

James Lewis

Johnson

Kurt Goreshter

Lonny Crane

Murdoc

Philippe/Abra Kadabra

Simon Lynch

Thomas Schiff

ETHAN HAWKE characters:

Arthur Harrow

Ellison Oswalt

Goodnight Robicheaux

James Sandin

EWAN MCGREGOR characters:

Alex Law

Catcher Block

Christopher Robin

Curt Wild

Dan Torrance

John Bishop

Mark Renton

Obi-Wan Kenobi 

Roman Sionis/Black Mask* (Birds of Prey - Masc!Reader only) [Any other version of Roman Sionis/Black Mask can be with a Gender Neutral/Female!Reader.]

HUGH DANCY characters:

Adam Raki

Cal Roberts

Luke Brandon

Executive ADA Nolan Price

Will Graham

KARL URBAN characters:

Billy Butcher

Black Hat

John Kennex

Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy

Markiplier EGOS:

Darkiplier

Illinois

Wilford Warfstache

Yancy

PAUL DANO characters:

Alex Jones/Barry Milland [Platonic only!]

Dwayne Hoover [Platonic only!]

Edward Nashton/The Riddler

Eli Sunday

Jay (Okja)

Joby Taylor

Klitz

PEDRO PASCAL characters:

Agent Whiskey

Dave York

Dio Morrissey

Eddie

Ezra

Francisco “Catfish” Morales

Marcus Moreno

Marcus Pike

Max Phillips

Maxwell Lord

Oberyn Martell

Ricky Hauk

RAÚL ESPARZA characters:

Bobby

Dr. Frederick Chilton*

Jackson Neill

Jonas Nightingale

Rafael Barba

Characters from 9-1-1 (Lone Star):

Carlos Reyes*

Eddie Diaz

Evan “Buck” Buckley

Howard “Chimney” Han

Josh Russo*

Mateo Chavez

Paul Strickland

Bobby Nash

Tim Rosewater

TK Strand*

Characters from Law and Order(: Special Victims Unit):

Detective/ADA Dominick “Sonny” Carisi, Jr.

Sergeant Mike Dodds

Detective Nick Amaro

Executive ADA Nolan Price

ADA Peter Stone

ADA Rafael Barba

Deputy Chief William Dodds

Little Miss Sunshine:

Dwayne Hoover [Platonic only!]

Frank*

Our Flag Means Death:

Edward Teach/Blackbeard*

Frenchie

Izzy Hands

Stede Bonnet*

Prisoners (2013):

Alex Jones/Barry Milland [Platonic only!]

Bob Taylor

Detective David Loki

Renfield (2023):

Count Dracula

Robert Montague Renfield

Tedward “Teddy” Lobo

SLASHERS/Horror Film Characters:

Asa Emory/The Collector

Ash J. Williams [I will usually default to Ash from the TV show, unless requested otherwise!]

Billy Lenz (1974)

Billy Loomis

Bo Sinclair

Brahms Heelshire

Bubba Sawyer/Leatherface (TCM 1974 and TCM 2)

Charles Lee Ray/Chucky

Chop Top Sawyer

Corey Cunningham

Dewey Riley

Drayton Sawyer

Herbert West*

Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull

Lawrence Gordon

Lester Sinclair

Luigi Largo

Mark Hoffman  

Nubbins Sawyer

Pavi Largo

Stu Macher  

Vincent Sinclair

William Easton

Star Wars:

Anakin Skywalker

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Qui-Gon Jinn

The Girl Next Door:

Klitz

Eli

Characters from The Simpsons:

Cecil Terwilliger*

Fat Tony

Frankie the Squealer

Grady*

Jack Lassen

Johnny Tightlips

Julio*

Legs

Louie

Moe Szyslak

Ned Flanders

Otto Mann

Seymour Skinner

Sideshow Bob

Sideshow Mel

Snake Jailbird

Timothy Lovejoy

Waylon Smithers*

What We Do in the Shadows:

Anton (Movie)

Deacon

Guillermo de la Cruz*

Laszlo Cravensworth

Nandor the Relentless

Viago

Vladislav

* Please note that an asterisk (*) means that these characters are Male/Masc/GenderNeutral!Reader only (including non-binary, of course). Platonic relationships with Female!Reader are possible, but no romantic ones.

If it’s a character that is open to all Readers, and you do not specify in your request what you want, I’ll usually opt for a Gender Neutral Reader by default.

SHIPS, such as:

BlackBonnet (OFMD)

SteddyHands (OFMD)

Black Pete x Lucius Spriggs (OFMD)

Buck x Josh Russo (9-1-1)

Dracfield (Renfield 2023)

Buddie (9-1-1)

Eli x Klitz (The Girl Next Door)

Nandermo (WWDITS)

Herbert West x Dan Cain (Re-Animator)

McKirk (Star Trek: AOS)

Oluwande x Jim Jimenez (OFMD)

Barisi (Law & Order SVU) 

Renfield x Teddy Lobo (Renfield 2023)

Sickrent (Trainspotting/T2)

Stobotnik (Sonic Movie)

Tarlos (9-1-1: Lone Star)

AnderPerry (Dead Poets Society)

ZsaszMask (Birds of Prey)

Lastly, I would like to add things I will NOT write (about):

Sexual NSFW fics/headcanons (I used to write those as you can see in my Masterlists, but I have my reasons for not writing them anymore. Any hints at sexual topics are fine).

Anything related to death as the main subject (this includes deadly diseases, anything fatal, really, etc.).

Anything that romanticizes Mental Illness (my Vent Fics about my own disorders obviously do not romanticize any of it and I do not stand for that).

(Recreational) Drug Use

Extreme Possessive Behaviour and/or Jealousy

Yandere

If you have something you would like me to write for, but you do not see it listed anywhere, please ask me before requesting it, so we can talk about it. I hope you enjoy yourself on my blog and have a good time!

My Asks and DMs are always open for any questions or simply to talk!

- Jesse

[nach-ito]

Masterlist + DNIs

Green: I will do.

Amber: Might do.

Red: Won't do.

I will do;

Batman

Markiplier Egos

FNaF mostly

Fandom of Choice

Character x Reader

Types of Book Tropes

Female Readers

Male Readers

Gender Neutral Readers

Fantasy AUs

YA Stories

Semi Spice stories

INTERACT;

Markiplier Fans

FNaF fans

Batman Fans

LGBTQ+ Folks

Readers

Fantasy Book enjoyers

Cats & Coffee lovers

Cars

Motorbikes

Motorsports

Markiplier Fans;

PewDiePie Fans;

I might do;

Smut

Fluff Scenes

Dark Romance

Character x OC Stories

Character x Self Insert Stories

Other types of Book Tropes (MUST be included for it to be decided in the request given)

Will NOT do

Pedophilia

Rape

Watersports

Incest

HEAVY pet play

Parent Kinks

DNI

Anti-LGBTQ+

Religious People

Proshippers

Homophobes

Racists

Transphobes

Political People

Fandoms

Five Nights at Freddie's;

(Movie)William Afton;

(Game)William Afton:

(Movie) Michael Afton;

(Game) Michael Afton;

(Movie) Vanessa;

(Game) Vanessa;

Batman; [some Telltale]

(Movie) Bruce Wayne;

(Game) Bruce Wayne;

(Movie) The Joker;

(Game[Telltale]) John Doe/The Joker;

(Game) Harvey Dent/Two Face;

(Game) Oswald Cobblepot/The Penguin;

(Game) Selina Kyle/Catwoman;

(Movie) Edward Nygma/The Riddler;

(Movie) Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy;

Markiplier Egos;

Murdock;

Wilford Warfstache;

Darkiplier;

Illinois Jones;

[bonesandquills]

oh my gOSH that wilford fic made me so sad 😭😭 its so well written!! u did rly great! i can only hope for some sweet loving fluff for my aching heart 😭💕

This wasn’t exactly a request, but I can oblige anyway 💛

Sugar Cookies

Wilford Warfstache x Reader

(Gender neutral reader)

The kitchen was a disaster area. The counters were littered with bowls, mixing spoons, and measuring cups. Flour and sugar covered the floor and gritted underfoot.

Though the smell of baking cookies was strong enough that you could overlook that mess for a moment. You stared with some amusement at the pink-mustached man who stood in the midst of the disaster, while he stared back at you, hand on his hips, as if to remind you that part of this was your fault too.

You grinned sheepishly and looked around at the dishes that filled the sink and littered the counters. “Should we… start cleaning up?”

He didn’t say anything for a second, simply cocked one eyebrow upwards slightly with a slight smile. “I’d say so, gumdrop.”

You laughed and moved towards the sink, only to be halted midstep by his arm around your waist. He pulled you back against his torso, making you laugh.

“I thought we were cleaning up?”

He chuckled, the movement of his mustache tickling your skin. “In a moment.”

You shrugged and just let him hold you until, seemingly disappointed at your lack of a fight, he released you and you went over to the sink.

“I’ll wash, you dry.”

He nodded and retrieved one of the dishtowels while you started the sink and started on the first of a seemingly endless pile of dishes. Your progress was further slowed by Wilford getting distracted constantly by the cookies in the oven.

Finally, after the dishes failed to hold his attention for the fifth time, you dipped your hand in the soapy water of the sink and flicked it at him. He started, surprised, and playfully narrowed his eyes at you. “Is that how you wanna play, sweetheart? You don’t know what you’re getting into.”

You stuck out your tongue, and he straightened with an ominous look in his eyes. He set the dishcloth aside and advanced towards you.

Cornered by the kitchen counters, you started to dash to the side, out of his reach, but he was quicker, and stepped into your path.

With a squeak of surprise and protest, he swept you into his arms and grinned at you. “Not so fast, cupcake. Where d’ya think you’re goin’?”

You giggled and writhed in his arms, attempting to escape whatever fate he had in mind for you. His arms were strong and unmoving, however, and you managed to make no progress. He simply watched your futile efforts with some amusement in his dark brown eyes. When you’d finally settled, he leaned closer and, with little warning, started pressing kisses to every inch of your face.

You shrieked, both in elation and indignation at allowing yourself to be caught so easily. His progress was not put off by your protests, and the only thing you could do was endure until he had covered every inch of your face in his kisses.

Finally, satisfied, he leaned back with a broad grin. “Don’t look so pouty, honeybun… You know how I can’t resist sweet things.”

The compliment made you blush, and you buried your face in the pink material of his shirt, feeling his laugh rumble through his chest. He gently kissed the top of your head and smiled slightly. “No need to be embarrassed, gumdrop.”

Your only reply was a muffled groan, getting him to laugh again. His attention was shifted, however, by the timer going off on the stove. The cookies were done.

You let go of him and got a pair of oven mitts, opening the hot oven and pulling out the cookie sheet. Wilford watched excitedly beside you as you set them down to cool.

Though they were fresh out of the oven, Wilford reached for the cookies, too eager to wait. You lightly slapped his hand, giving him a warning look. He returned it with one of his own.

“Come now, darlin’, you’re gonna make me wait?” He looked at you with those soulful eyes, but you’d grown immune to that.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You’ll burn yourself.”

He pouted. “They can’t hurt me.”

“Nevertheless,” You said as you started moving the cookies to a cooking rack. “You’ll just have to wait until it’s time.”

He sulked for a second longer before the mischievous look returned to his gaze. He quickly grabbed your hand and spun you to face him, trapping you with his arms on the counter on either side of you.

He gave you only a moment to react before he locked his lips with yours, the kiss passionate and long. You had only just let your eyes flutter closed and started kissing him back when he drew away, one of the cookies triumphantly in his hand. The scoundrel.

He devoured it quickly, looking at you with a broad smile, and then going in for another kiss. You stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“Not this time.”

He looked disappointed, then the broad grin returned. His voice low and sultry, he leaned close to your ear. “Then why don’t we take this… upstairs.”

You blushed, but before you could say anything, he took your hand and pulled you up to the bedroom, leaving the cookies behind.

[orange-waterfalls]

...Happy New Year?

Darkiplier x gn!reader x Wilford

A/N: I am so disappointed and surprised that I haven’t written anything poly yet are you KIDDING ME. Does it take me 5 months to write a single fic? No. Might take me that long to find motivation and SINCE I don’t wanna be an ASSHOLE who takes requests and then DOESN’T WRITE THEM I’m probably gonna take a bit to think and figure out what I wanna do here with the blog. Uhhh reader is a retail worker who’s just. Tired and stressed. Dark and Wil decide to comfort them because good boyfriends are good! TW: mention of weed. And suggestive phrases? Also cursing. That’s it. Rated T. Enjoy and have a happy New Year everybody!

Word Count: 2.7k

--

“Do you have to?” Wilford all but whined when you got ready for work. Except he did not whine because he does not whine because he is Wilford Warfstache, thank you. “It’s New Year’s Eve!”

“I’m fully aware what day it is, hon,” You said in a very soft voice because you knew Wilford had to be let down gently or he’d be grouchy for the next few months. “That’s why I’m not working overtime. Hopefully. Maybe I can get Sara to take over my shift, she’s not doing anything tonight. I wish I could’ve taken the morning shift, I do.” Darkiplier appeared next to Wilford, looking just as desperate.

“Can you not just… not… go?” Dark suggested, trying not to sound too needy. He knew that he failed by the look you gave him.

“I have to work, boys.”

“Do you though?”

“Wilford...”

“I can get you money.”

“Are you suggesting illegal activities, Mr. Warfstache?”

“We are not… besides stealing.”

“Wil.”

“We could pawn off Mark’s stuff, it’s probably worth a lot!”

“Both of you, stop it!” You said in a stern voice. They both looked like kicked puppies and you felt a little bad about it. “I’ll get home when I get home. You know I love you. If I never had to leave you, I wouldn’t. But I gotta, ok?”

“Kissies?” Wilford asked, tapping the tips of his fingers together. Darkiplier looked at the motion and back at his own fingers, seemingly trying to replicate it. You stared at his hands for a moment, watching the struggle with a resigned sort of curiosity. Wilford also stared at them until he couldn’t take it anymore and just put his hands over Dark’s.

“Just-Just… stop.” He said gently. Dark lowered his hands and they both looked back to you. You shook your head.

“I’ll be back before midnight. Order some takeout, please.”

“Sure thing, boss!” Wilford saluted.

“Goodbye, darling.” Darkiplier gave a little bow. You smiled warmly, walking over to the two. Darkiplier turned his head and you kissed his cheek. You tried to do the same for Wilford, but he turned his head back at the last second to catch your lips in a kiss. Additionally, he grabbed your face to keep you there. You pulled away and gently smacked his cheek before heading back to the door. Darkiplier glared at him a little. He stuck his tongue out in response.

“Bye! Love you!”

“We love you too, babes!” Wil called, wrapping his arms around Dark’s neck and leaning against him. Dark waved a goodbye to you. You shut and locked the door behind you. 

“Wil?” Dark said after they stood like that for a while.

“Yep?” Wil responded with his cheek squished to Dark’s shoulder.

“If you’re gonna cling to me we could at least lay down.”

“Cuddle time?”

“Sure. Cuddle time. Come on.” Dark tried to walk to the three’s shared bedroom, but Wilford wouldn’t let go. He quirked an eyebrow at the reporter. “Wil?”

“Yes?”

“May you… let go?”

“No.”

“Wil.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Wil…”

“No.”

“We can’t cuddle if you don’t let go.”

“Lies. Deception.”

“Wil, please, work with me here.” They looked at each other. Wilford slowly removed his arms from around the other man’s neck. Dark caught one of his hands, bringing his palm to his lips and gently kissing his hand.

“Someone’s feeling affectionate!” Wil exclaimed. Dark intertwined their fingers and gave his hand a squeeze before finally walking to the room.

The bedroom had mostly shades of black, white, and blue decor, apart from the fluffy red pillows you just had to have, along with a few stuffed animals. Darkiplier had his office with his red and black velvet and Wilford had his own… wherever he hung out, so they didn’t mind you choosing the colors. Anything to stop Wilford from painting the walls yellow of all colors. 

Wilford turned around and pulled Dark in by his waist, swaying in a little dance. 

“What are you doing?” Dark tried and failed to conceal his smile and laugh.

“Dancing with my lover, what does it look like?” Wilford nuzzled their noses together.

“I thought you wanted to cuddle.”

“I do.”

“Then why are we dancing?”

“Can’t we just dance for a bit?” Darkiplier pulled back and looked at Wil, who was currently avoiding eye contact. He sighed.

“Feels a little weird without Y/N?” He asked. Wilford hummed, still not looking him in the eye. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to.”

“We can wait until they get home, it’s really not--”

“I do want to…”

“But?”

“Mm…”

“Want to prove you aren’t absolutely whipped?”

“Excuse you?!”

“It’s not a bad thing.”

“I am-- You-- Wilford Warfstache simps for NOBODY!”

“Says Mr. Hundred Dollar Pillows.”

“Listen here you son of a bitch--” Wilford backed away and held up a finger to explain exactly why he was no simp. Dark took the opportunity to push him onto the bed. “Ooh! Frisky!”

“Shut it.” He climbed into the bed next to him. Wilford draped himself across Dark’s chest, nuzzling into him. They sighed contentedly. 

“Dark?”

“Mm?”

“What did I do to deserve you two?”

“Me? You were nice and accepting. I still don’t believe either of us deserve Y/N.”

“Oh, come on, there has to be something.”

“Wil, both of us have killed multiple people. I think whatever good we’ve done will get canceled out.”

“...right.”

They lay like that for a bit, enjoying just being there. Suddenly, Wilford picked his head up.

“What’s happening? You have a look? What is that look?” Dark furrowed his eyebrows.

“I have the best idea!” Wilford jumped up and ran to the closet.

“What?” Dark sat up.

“We are surprising our lover with romance!” He threw Dark’s suit at him, picking out his own at the same time.

“...and suits?”

“Yes! Well, your suit. It makes you look sexy.”

“Wil.”

“Their words, not mine!”

“Why are we--”

“It’s New Year’s, Dark! They’re stressed! They’re tired! They deserve a surprise! Where the Devil are my suspenders?”

“Wil, I don’t think--”

“That’s right, Dark. You don’t think. You can just sit there and look pretty while Wilford Lovemaster Warfstache plans it out!”

“Lovemaster?”

“I was due for a new middle name anyways. Chop chop!”

Dark hesitantly put on his suit while Wilford looked for his suspenders. He looked in the mirror, deciding whether he looked… “sexier” with or without a tie. He eventually decided without, even popping a few buttons of his dress shirt. Wilford walked back in, wearing a hot pink button up, yellow suspenders, and a blue bowtie.

“...hot!” He said before walking up next to Dark and taking a selfie of the two. Dark looked over his shoulder and watched him send it to you with the caption ‘your two special boys!’. He caught a look at some previous messages.

“Wil, what’s poggers?”

“New-fangled lingo, don’t worry about it. Do we have roses? Ask Illinois to bring us roses.”

“Wil, what is happening.”

“ROMANCE!” He yelled, exasperated. “Romance is happening, Dark.”

“Romance… right.”

“And suits, precisely. Come on, order Chinese from that place they like.”

“...is this a good idea? Suits and chinese?”

“It’s a fantastic idea, now order the goddamn food.”

--

Darkiplier and Wilford sat on the couch in your apartment, reading a book they’d found. Wil was leaning on Dark’s shoulder with one leg draped over his. There was a little time until New Year’s, and they really wanted to spend it with you. Dark would never admit it, but he missed you. Quite a lot, actually. You’ve weaseled your way into his heart and now he’s a little dependent. Wil would proudly scream it to the world if he could. Dark would never let him.

Dark glanced up at the clock, seeing the 11:00 time. He scowled, closing the book and tossing it to the other side of the couch. He leaned his head back and sighed. He debated calling you with Wilford beforehand, maybe even just to hear your voice on the voicemail, but he was sure that would be too needy of him. He has a reputation to uphold, thank you very much.

“Miss your other lover, Darkipoo?” Wilfor teased.

“Obviously. I’m used to two heat sources, not one.”

“Oh, am I not good enough for Mr. Darkiplier?”

“I never said that.”

“You were thinkin’ it.”

“You can’t read minds, Wil, stick to your interviews.” He said in a faux-mocking manner. They smiled at each other.

Dark shot up from the couch the moment he heard your key in the lock. He adjusted his suit, squared his shoulders, and cleared his throat. He couldn’t help a smile as he held a white rose, Wilford doing the same as he held a pink one.

So, of course, they jumped a little when you slammed the door behind you.

“Uh. Darling? Are you--”

“I fucking hate EVERYTHING!” You yelled. Dark blinked. He glanced at WIlford, who looked just as surprised. You paced around the living room, looking like you were about to commit murder. He shuffled closer to Wilford, and leaned in.

“Wil, what are we supposed to do?” He whispered.

“Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.” Wilford said in a voice that told Dark he was quoting something.

“Wil, I don’t know what the fuck that is.”

“It-It’s a meme-Do you just not go on the internet? Ever? Nevermind, just follow my lead.” He grabbed the roses, putting them in a nearby cup of water. He walked over to where you were and gently grabbed your shoulders. “Here, darling, sit, tell us about it.” 

He led you to the couch and sat you down, sitting next to you. He snapped his fingers at Dark, pointing to your shoulders. Dark hesitantly walked over and started to massage your shoulders. You sighed a little, relaxing. Wil nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

“There were so many assholes today, man.”

“Mm-hm. Tell Wilford about it.”

“There was this guy who kept asking where this one thing that we didn’t have was, this lady kept insisting her coupons were not expired, don’t even get me started on Jared and Melissa.” 

“Who are Jared and Melissa?” Dark asked.

“Oh, FUCK Jared and Melissa!” You suddenly got to your feet again and started pacing again.

“Y-Yeah, fuck Jared and Melissa!” Wil agreed. “Who are Jared and Melissa?”

“Hell if I know, just go with it, I’ll get the takeout.” Dark patted him on the back.

“Angel wasn’t even there to talk to today, God, I miss them so much already.”

“Angel is the coworker who…”

“Oh, they have the cats, Socks and Mittens.”

“Oh, so Angie--”

“Angie is Angelo, and he smokes weed in the back. He’s cool too. He was too high to fucking function today, though.”

“So, uh, where was Angel?” Wil looked back into the kitchen and saw Dark loading up their plates with the food. Wil suddenly remembered that he was wearing a pink shirt. He didn’t know whether the stains would be prominent and he did not intend to find out. He snuck away into the bedroom to change. Suits were a bad idea, he should’ve listened to Dark. 

He changed into a T-shirt with the design of a suit and some grey sweatpants and somehow made his way back to the living room before you’d finished your first sentence. You noticed this, because you stared at his change of clothes.

“...weren’t you wearing a suit? Like an actual one?”

“No.”

“But-”

“I wasn’t.”

“You sent me a picture.”

“The, uh… suits were… part of a different… situation…” He said, not knowing what the fuck he was actually saying to you. You seemed to get something from it because you said:

“Ah. I see.” Before going back to your rant. Wil looked at Dark as he walked into the living room. He wasn’t wearing the suit jacket, only the black dress shirt. He also had black pants instead of the white ones.

Wilford nodded and whispered “Good choice.” Dark nodded and whispered “I told you so.”, so Wilford flipped him off. Dark sat the plates down while Wil pushed you down by your shoulders. You buried your face in your hands and groaned. Wil rubbed a hand up and down your back while Darkiplier poured drinks. You rubbed your face before leaning back and letting them drop. You looked down at the food. Then at Wilford. Then at Dark.

“Am I… missing something?” You said in a small voice.

“Hm?” Wil tilted his head at you.

“I feel like something was supposed to happen. Did I ruin your plans?” You frowned, starting to feel guilty. 

“No, no, darling, you couldn’t ruin anything.” Wilford shifted closer to you and put his arm around your shoulders, rubbing up and down your arm.

“You sure? It feels like something I could do…”

“You could never because anything involving you is perfect.” Dark whispered after he gently took your chin in his hand and turned you towards him.

“Booooooo.” Wil called.

“Wha?”

“That was so cheesy, Dark.” You smiled.

“So sappy. Disgusting.” Wil agreed.

“Shameful.” You both shook your heads.

“Both of you can fuck off.” Dark huffed and crossed his arms. You kissed him, gently holding his face in your hands, making him smirk.

“Hey! How come the edgy one gets a kiss kiss!”

“You tricked me this morning, no kiss kiss for you!”

“Dark! Tell them!”

“You heard them, no kiss kiss.”

“Wh-”

“Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t we eat and watch shitty rom coms!”

“Don’t you wanna watch the clock?” Dark asked.

“Not particularly…” You looked down and the smile left your face. Wilford and Dark gave each other a look before they each took one of your hands and squeezed them.

“Ok. We can do that.”

--

The three of you laid in bed, you and Wilford cuddling into either side of Dark. Countdown forgotten, already passed a while ago. Dark still had his dress shirt and you were still wearing your work clothes. Dark stared at the ceiling, focusing on the sounds around his. 

The fireworks outside.

The clock ticking rhythmically.

The soft and constant breathing from his two favorite people.

He took a deep breath and tried his best to push down all the bad and intrusive thoughts.

What if I hurt them? What if they decide I’m not good enough? What if I’m not good enough?

No. No ‘what if’s. That doesn’t matter. What matters is they love him and he loves them. 

He looked down at you, your soft face squished into his arm, and he smiled at the warmth that bloomed throughout his chest. He looked over at Wilford and sucked in a breath when he found him staring at Dark.

“...can’t sleep?” Wilford said in an uncharacteristically quiet voice.

“No, I just…” He took a deep breath. “I just…”

“Wha happened?” You slurred, waking up. Dark flinched.

“Both of you should go back to sleep.”

“Why’re you awake then?” Wilford challenged.

“I was just… thinking.”

“About?” You yawned.

“About… how much I… love you two.” Both you and Wilford froze and Dark’s breathing sped up, scared he’d done something wrong.

“Awww, he wuvs us!” Wil giggled.

“How much do you wuv us, Dark?” You crossed your arms on his chest, resting your cheek against them and looking at Dark.

“...a lot.” He monotoned, staring at the ceiling.

“Do you wuv us soooo much?” Wilford batted his eyelashes.

“I’m starting to love you less and less.” Dark growled.

“Awwww he does!” You laughed

“Go. Back. To. Sleep. Please.” Darkiplier begged because Darkiplier does apparently beg, who would’ve thought.

“Yessir…” you said, another yawn taking over the word. You got back into your previous position, your arms gripping his and pressed into his side. Wilford took a similar one, just a little further up. You fell back asleep after a little bit, but the other two stayed awake.

“Happy you have both of your heatsources back?” Wilford whispered, a smile evident in his voice. Dark sighed, closing his eyes and focusing on the feeling of both his loves holding onto him like a lifeline. A ghost of a smile crossed his face.

“Yes. I am.”

[redskull199987]

Cover me in Sunshine

Damien the Mayor x genderneutral!Reader

Words count: 0.4k

Warnings:none, just a short fluff

Summary: You and Damien are making good use of his day off...

Masterlist

I didn't want my eyes to open, but they did anyway. Sleep was gone in a second and I saw rays of sunshine slowly entering the room.

I felt like I should get up, but I didn't want to. The bed was too warm, too comfortable. The arm draped over my waist felt to welcoming.

I silently shifted around, so that I could take a good look at Damien's sleeping Form.

His eyes were closed and for once, he looked calm. As the Mayor, Damien's to-do-list was always long and he had a lot of work to do. He always came home late, nothing but exhausted and all he wanted to do was to relax. Thankfully, today was Sunday. His free day.

My mind kept on wandering, as I admired Damien's calm face. I slowly reached forward to gently grasp his cheek. His light beard tickled my skin and I couldn't help but smile at the man in front of me.

"Hey", Damien suddenly said. I looked at him, a little startled:"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you"

"It's fine", he mumbled and finally opened his eyes.

I felt how he pulled me closer to him by my waist. I slowly put my arms around his shoulders, embracing him.

I heard Damien chuckle, as he hid his face in the crook of my neck.

"I love you", He mumbled and started to cover my neck in kisses. I giggled at his antics and grasped his face, pulling him up to me again.

"I love you too", I smiled and lightly pecked his lips. Damien chuckled before pulling me in for a full kiss. His lips were soft against mine and I felt him smile against my lips.

"Let's just stay in bad today", Damien mumbled. I hummed in agreement and and snuggled closer to him. I rested my head on Damien's chest, while his arms remained around my waist.

"Y/N", he mumbled.

"Hm?", I asked, eyes already closed again.

"I love you so much", Damien chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you too", I murmured, already falling asleep again.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

AirLock Anon:

oh yeah I have one more if that’s cool? [maybe She/They if you want?]

HC’s on the Egos reacting to being called Papa and Y/n being called mama by a little kid in the middle of a confession?

I think you mentioned something about the kid being Y/N’s (we stan a she/they single parent) so imma include that.

Also unless specified I’ll just choose like 4 random egos

...........

Illinois

Oh shit.

Man’s commitment issues are really being put to the test here. Working up the courage to confess to each other was already hard enough.

“Calling me dad already? I haven’t even asked your mother out yet.” He pats their head, looking to you with a dreamy sigh. “But..that would be quite nice. Adventures get tiring and I wouldn’t mind settling down for once so...alright.”

You just wipe the sweat from your forehead (that you didn’t know existed till rn) like “whew”. At first you thought this would’ve scared him off.

Though you couldn’t blame your kid for wanting a dad already. It’s been too long and they liked listening to all of Illinois’ stories.

You’re just happy he said yes, willing to give love a chance.

Eric

“..I-I’m sorry? Did you just..?”

Your kid tilts their head like “just what? Call you papa? Is that okay?”

You’re a bit flustered that you never got to finish the confession, but Eric was already tearing up during it, and now he’s full-blown sobbing after what they said.

For a moment they worry about him being upset, though once you explain he’s happy to be called that, they smile and hug him alongside you.

This was such a big deal to him, especially knowing he gave up hope of having kids long ago. He literally couldn’t have any even if he wanted to.

But now he realizes they don’t have to necessarily be biological ones.

He swears to be a better dad than Derek ever was.

Dark

This edgelord is kinda shocked your kid sees him as a father figure. Him? The scary, glitching, monochrome entity???

He was actually about to confess to you when they interrupted and accidentally called him “papa”.

They think they’ve upset him as he stares at them, but in reality he’s...quite happy. 

He never entertained the idea before: of having an s/o, or a kid..or just a normal life in general.

Of course, he still wants to hunt down the snake who robbed him of his life. He can’t allow himself to get too distracted.

However, he may allow himself this “moment of self-indulgence” and try to be a good dad. Not the best but he’ll try.

Wilford

At first he chastises them for ruining his “carefully-plotted profession of love” and threatens to rewind time.

But then what they said sinks in and he double-takes like “wuuwHAT??? Y-You..see me as a papa????”

Bro is flabbergasted.

Your kid just shyly nods and Wilford immediately scoops them into a hug. He’s overjoyed at the idea.

Though you jokingly inform him that he didn’t hear your answer to his confession and he whirls around in a panic, still holding your kid.

You just laugh and tell him yes, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

[jacksepticeye-simp]

Welcome Home (Darkiplier x reader) Part 6- Pest control

Pairing(s): Darkiplier x GN! reader

TW{s}:Murder,implied violence.

Mark ran up to his room and found it completely trashed from head to toe. He grabbed a crucifix and holy water from the one unopened drawer. He held out the crucifix “If there are any demons in here, Reveal yourselves willingly before I do it for you!” He shouted out, the floorboards creaked behind him. He quickly turned around and threw some of the holy water, and like clockwork, the demon revealed himself.

Lo and behold, there stood the apprentice camera person he’d hired. He pointed the crucifix at him. 

“Start talking you little shit or I’ll fucking stab this so deep into your chest that you’ll burn to ash in a second.” He threatened. The apprentice nodded.

“What does your boss want this time around?” Mark asked, keeping the holy water near. The boy shrugged. “Look, The only thing I know is that he’s kinda obsessed with your friend and he’s also their date.” He said. Mark glared at him. “It’s all I know, I swear. You’d have to ask a certain..somebody else if you want to know about his specific plans.” The boy suggested, starting to sweat.  Mark grabbed him by the neck and positioned the sharp end of the crucifix over his chest.

“Fine. Be that way.” Then without a second thought he plunged the crucifix deep into the adolescent, blood dark as ebony spilling out.

Mark kept a stoic face, staring him right in the eye while the demon choked upon his own blood. “Is this a bad time?” Mark quickly turned around, dropping the body of the apprentice and facing Amy incredibly nervously. “I swear I can explain! He’s some kind of demon and has been spying for-” Amy cut him off by handing him his phone. “I found your phone since you dropped it running up here, and you have a very concerning voicemail.” Mark raised an eyebrow as she unlocked the phone, playing the voicemail. 

“MARK, PICK UP, PLEASE! YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT DAMIEN HE’S-” The sound of a familiar laugh abruptly cuts off the message, sending chills down his spine. “He’s back, isn’t he?” Amy asked, putting her hand onto Mark's shoulders. “He is, and he’s set his eyes on them. But I know what to do now..” Mark walked over to his closet, opening it and taking out a large black mirror. He placed his hand upon the glass, reciting a short incantation, the glass swirled and warped, engulfing his hand in it. “What are you doing? She asked, slightly startled. “Amy, if I don’t make it back, tell Chica she’s a good girl for me, alright?” and with that he disappeared into the mirror.  

Dark stood in his room, watching the situation unfold through a mirror. A pest such as Mark would not be ruining his plans again, He was prepared this time. The demon picked up a phone and dialed a number. “Hello Wil, If it isn’t too inconvenient could you take care of a..problem for me? I cannot have that vermin ruining my plans again.” 

“Oh old friend..I thought you’d never ask.”

(Happy halloween!🎃🎃)

[purplefyragon]

The Story Doesn’t End Here

This is based off a dream I had a few months ago, around the time ISWM came out. Again, set in the universe where Actor is Engineer!Mark, etc. This time, it’s Y/N making a choice. This is weird. As usual, loathe entirely. Rating: General/SFW GN!Reader Pairings: Mild implied past DA/Damien, current implied Actor/YN Warnings: canon typical angry void men, eldritch fighting, gunshots (provided by Wilford), mild gore Word Count: 2300+

It happened quickly- the reality shift from ‘Celci’ and Mark arguing- her smacking him across the face- then the world around you glitches as her eldritch brother dragged the three of you out of Mark’s story dimension and into the greater void. 

The chill of the endless, black expanse is something that you had hoped you could forget by throwing yourself into Mark’s adventures. Sadly, it seems that Damien is here to wake you up from your escape. Yet…

Something is different.

Mark is visibly angry at his story being interrupted like this. He and Damien begin their raging at each other, quickly devolving to inhuman noises. They hurt to look at; the things hiding beneath their shells coming out to wage war against each other as their bodies degrade.

You watch Celine’s spiritual color flare with her brother’s strikes, her own body morphing and changing, almost fading at times. … She wouldn’t notice if you attacked her- if you could even touch her right now. You doubt you could.

There’s something wrong.

The void seems… malevolent, and not just to you either. The nightmarish realm twists and creaks around the four of you, Mark and Damien’s auras clashing in the air. They don’t seem to notice it, though. They're too focused on tearing each other apart to stop and realize their warring is shaking the very fabric of this unreality.

 Little cracks and slivers of light splinter across the black sky, and through them, you can see- you can see. 

It’s like looking back in time, watching all your adventures play out before you, no matter where you glance. And it isn’t just yours- you can see all that which Abe, William, and the other Egos have been up to as well. 

The deafening resound of multiple gunshots and screams bring you back to the present- specifically, the change in the screams: dual eldritch roars of agony warping back into human cries of pain. Mark and Damien disengage from each other, twisting masses of power and energy folding in on themselves as they regain their human guises. The source of the gunshots, William, stands by Celine with his pistol raised, pointed at the two of them. His pink aura overwhelms the area around the both of them in twisting, nauseating pink and yellow, making your head hurt to look at him.

Mark clutches his shoulder, black and red ichor dribbling down his arm and hitting the ground by his foot. Damien’s hand clamps over his side, shadowy trichromatic ooze leaking out and staining his white suit. Both men stare at the third, who just shrugs and smiles, apologizing to Damien and claiming that it’s a bit difficult to shoot when they look like that. 

Damien rages in the instant after that, aura twisting and pulsating, arching outwards and rushing at Mark like some solar flare snapping from the sun’s surface. It’s some arc of white-hot/frigid cold- a radiating, static shadow that carries an air of finality with it.

Finality. 

Mark’s words echo in your head. “I go and I come back and I go and I come back and I go but I always come back!” The rage and denial in his voice from that…

… Will he, from this? You’ve never seen him bleed like that before. Not like he is now. Not like this.

He doesn’t move despite the wall of energy running him down like a freight train. You don’t know if he can. Does he want to? Can he? Will he?

… What happens if he dies? Does his place this fall apart? Do you disappear? Do you go back into that damned mirror? Do you sleep? 

You lose all this. You lose him. 

N̴̦͍̟̲͋͌͜͜ŏ̵̙̥

Something snaps inside you- something long-strained within your very core shatters and an old, familiar rushing of shadow and power take its place. There is a new heaviness in the back of your mind, but you don’t have time to think about that- the only thing you focus on is getting Mark out of the way of that goddamned aura- 

It’s an instant, really. One second, you are watching Mark, and the next, you are colliding with the solid body of the larger man- he’s at least a foot taller than you and dense, but you tackle him off his feet with ease- too much ease. The Actor yelps from the impact, but you don’t care, as you feel the radiating cold and stinging heat of the aura brush a bit too close to your back for any real comfort.

 You both fly at least 20 feet before he hits the ground with another loud grunt beneath you, sliding another few feet before coming to a stop.

You both pant heavily- you can tell he is in pain from the short way his breath hitches. He shouldn’t be in pain. With difficulty, you lift yourself up off of him, supporting your weight on your hands and knees- it is now that you notice his arms wrapped around your body. You pull back and study the man, finding those unnatural, burning eyes fluttering open and studying you with shock- a dozen different emotions flashing across his face.

By the way you feel, you believe the eyes he is looking back into are just as alien as his own, now. 

“Y/N… what-”

“What the HELL is wrong with you, Y/N?!” Damien and Celine both scream, voices crackling with the roar of the void. You can see Damien motioning strangely in your peripheral vision, reigning in his aura to attack again. William, meanwhile, is cackling about the odd turn of events. 

There’s no point in answering them just yet, instead you focus on the man below you. You can feel the strange motion of otherness shifting along the skin of your back- shadowy tentacles, most likely, judging by his eyes tracking them over your shoulder. Leaning in closer, you spread them out protectively over you both as you speak, quiet and private- just to him. 

“He’s not the only one walking around without blood on his hands.” You can hear the way your voice pitch changes, and you can’t find it in yourself to care.

His eyebrows lift up in surprise, the grip on your hips tightening slightly. Your hand touches his chest, the place you know Damien’s axe once hit home long ago.

“I know what you’ve done. I don’t care what you’ve done.” You murmur quietly and sit up a little, focusing on him as you adjust his tie and lapels, fixing them up. “We’ve all had wrongs perpetrated against us in this place, and we all want revenge for that no? But that’s all in the past, isn’t it?”

 You’re not really sure what possesses you to lean in and kiss his bloodied lips, but it feels right in a way. “I’m not ready to sleep yet, Mark. I don’t want it to end.”

You turn your head towards the trio, then, studying them individually, then meeting his again. “So I’m going to make sure that your story, our story, doesn’t end here.” You smile. “We still have so much to do, don’t we?” 

The shock finally subsides into something familiar. Something warm. Before he can respond to you, the aura whips above both your heads, shrieking through the void above you and returning to Damien. The look of contempt he is giving you is something you’ve seen before.

“So, you finally pick a side, do you, old friend?”

You slowly pick yourself up off of Mark, maintaining eye contact with the man. You sneer.

“You stole my body and left me to rot, Damien. Why are you surprised?”

“It was a mercy- we spared you from this Hell!'

“IT'S ALL HELL!” you sneer, “But, hell at his side is preferable to nothingness.”

The man that you once thought you could spend the rest of your life with sneers at you like you are no more than shit on his heel. It hurts, but you don’t care anymore. 

“Don’t worry, old friend. I’ll destroy the nightmare He has weaved and set you free.”

… You laugh. You laugh and laugh and laugh. Your stomach hurts and tears stream down your cheeks- even Mark looks at you with concern. You clutch at your stomach and wipe your tears away, fixing the ex-Mayor with a withering look that could melt steel.

"You think I'm going to let you hurt him? He is the ONLY reason I am free and I’m not going to let you take him from me."

His aura flares around him again while William lifts his gun. Damien sighs. You feel Mark shifting similarly beside you. The Actor laughs. 

“Unfortunately, it’s come to this. I’ll make it quick, old friend.”

You grin. 

“Cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war, Damien."

Damien’s body flickers with his aura, destabilizing as it overtakes him once again, screaming in anger- and dismay. William’s aura, strangely, does the same- instead of firing on you or Mark, his aura gets twisted up with Damien’s, creating some insanity pinwheel of color and sound- which then rushes the two of you.

You brace, pulling at the heaviness within you and feeling the void respond, surrounding you in shifting, flickering shadows tinged with the color of your soul. That holds nothing to Mark’s smoky crimson aura which envelopes your own, surrounding you both as his hand wraps around your wrist. As you look to him in confusion, the grin he gives you is mischievous, knowing- plotting.

 You know that look. 

Mark winks at you, then suddenly pulls you into his arms, cradling you against his body. The contact just bolsters the shadows around you both, growing and shifting into some great tentacled thing- you can hear the void creaking and raging below and above as his laugh resounds around you. 

“You don’t want it to end, little monster? You want to stay with me?”

You nod, wrapping your arms around him and pressing your face against his chest. He purrs, and you hear it underneath the cacophony around you. 

“When it hits, I want you to push with all you have. Understand? I’ll take care of the rest.”

You nod again, and… there’s suddenly a quiet- almost like the eye of a hurricane. His voice is soft, when he addresses you again.

“... I don’t want to end, either, Y/N. Our story won’t end here. We really do have so much still to do.” 

Of course you try to pull back to look at him because that’s Mark- that’s the old Mark- your friend from so long ago-

But the roar of the void slams back into everything all at once, almost deafening you to the point that you can barely hear him scream-

“N̵̝͈̓̆O̴̠̎W̵̳͗̎!̶͍͙̍”

You obey without thinking and push, and you feel a rush of energy bending the void around you almost like a shockwave, like the tensile weight of metal being put under pressure. Then you feel Mark- all of him pushing with you- the sound wave pressure buckles then rebounds with double the force, sending the cacophony back, and you in the other direction-

…

You realize a little too late that you’ve teleported, still clinging to Mark for dear life, face pressed into his neck, eyes shut. Releasing a breath you had been holding far too long, you pull back to look around, finding yourself in a grassy, flowering clearing in the middle of a forest. It’s early in the morning or evening by the color of the sky, shaded by overcast clouds, but not immune to the sun’s rays turning them a plethora of different colors. 

You turn your attention to the Actor still holding you. His eyes are still possessed of the void, though he regards you with a strange, warm curiosity now. Your hands slide down to rest on his chest, adrenaline, and anger bleeding into… embarrassment. Fuck, you really kissed him, huh? A blush spreads across your cheeks as his lips quirk into an interested smirk- but there’s that ever-present softness, still.

“... What was that back there, little monster?” His tone is teasing. Sing-songy. He’s going to address it- of course, he is- well-

You sputter and try to remove yourself from his arms, but his grip does not slacken. He practically forces you to look at him by taking hold of your jaw and tilting your head up. “I- … a lot happened back there, and I-”

The man huffs and presses his lips to yours, as if to remind you of exactly what he means. He doesn’t pull away immediately either, coaxing you to respond to him.

You do, and only then does he slowly draw away, speaking softly against your lips. “The kiss, Y/N. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Now is not the time to be playing coy with me. Not anymore.”

You… really don’t see the reason for lying anymore.

“... I had- complicated feelings for you in college. It developed into… something, but by then, you had eloped with Celine, and- …” You look away. “I get to have you, here. If not in that way, then I get to do all these adventures with you. I get to be with you. That’s… that’s why. I didn’t know how to express it at the time.” 

He draws back and watches you with an unreadable expression while you explain. You see his pupils flex in a strange, catlike way the further you go along, and by the time you finish, he scoffs softly in a strange way, considering you. 

“.... Perhaps, if I had followed through with my own feelings then, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.”

You blink. Wait.

What-

“But… As you said, our story wasn’t going to end there.” He smiles at you, drawing you close to him again and cupping your cheek. You blink again. Ah-

“What’s say we add a little more personal, intimate touch to our story, hm? What say you, Dove?”

Your heart clenches at the old nickname- his nickname for you from college.

Oh.

Absolutely.

[leighsartworks216]

Markiplier Egos Masterlist

I have too many links on my main masterlist lol

Main Masterlist

AO3

Request Rules

Tag List Form

The Host

Please Stay - The Host x gn!reader

Warnings: hurt/comfort, lots of blood, wound descriptions, implied self-h*rm, awkwardness, just sorta the beginning stages of a crush so it's really cute

-

Help - The Host x gn!reader

Warnings: hurt/comfort, depression, intrusive thoughts

-

Friendship - The Host x gn!reader

Warnings: none

-

Cuddles - The Host x gn!reader (platonic)

Warnings: swearing, anxiety, awkwardness

-

“Did you sleep well?” Headcanons - The Host x gn!reader

Warnings: none

-

Wilford Warfstache

Blanket Thief - Wilford x gn!reader

Warnings: none, just pure fluff

-

Scary Movie Night - Wilford x gn!reader

Warnings: broken glass, panic attack, swearing, hurt/comfort but mostly fluff

-

Wilf Welcoming You Back Home Headcanons - Wilford x gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of food and drink

-

Yancy

Pet - Yancy x gn!reader

Warnings: swearing, reader is angy, bad accents

-

Parole - Yancy x gn!reader

Warnings: cat

-

My Handsome Guy - trans!Yancy x transmasc!reader

Warnings: dysphoria (not explicit), Yancy calls you “doll” in a gender neutral way, period stuff

-

Breakfast - Yancy x gn!reader

Warnings: swearing, slight paranoia (?), slight abandonment issues

-

Star-gazing - Yancy x gn!reader x Illinois

Warnings: none

-

Solitary - Yancy x gn!reader

Warnings: panic attack, claustrophobia, swearing, hurt/comfort

-

Hyperfixations - Yancy x autistic!gn!reader x Illinois

Warnings: slight swearing???, fluff

-

Darkiplier

Just a Little Dark Drabble - Dark x gn!reader

Warnings: none

-

A Thousand Awful Days - Dark x transmasc!reader

Warnings: dysphoria, swearing, fluff

-

Overwhelmed - Part 2 - Dark x (implied) autistic!gn!reader

Warnings: overstimulation/sensory overload, being nonverbal, zoning out, swearing, can be read as platonic

-

Damien and Dark ramble - Damien x gn!reader, Dark x gn!reader

Warnings: none

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Grief - Dark x gn!reader

Warnings: grieving, depression, loss of a pet

-

Period Pains - Dark x AFAB!reader

Warnings: talk of period stuff that may cause dysphoria

-

Trauma (Songfic) - Dark x DA!reader, Damien x DA!reader

Warnings: angst

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Birthday Wishes - Dark x DA!reader

Warnings: mentions of purgatory, fire/matches and a knife

-

Dark Drabble - Dark x DA!reader

Warnings: none

-

Just A Child - Dark & teenage!gn!reader (platonic)

Warnings: Actor is a creep (implied), hurt/comfort themes

-

Panic Attack Comfort Headcanons - Dark x gn!reader

Warnings: panic attack (obvi), mostly fluff

-

Pretty Boy - King!Dark x masc!reader

Warnings: things get a little spicy 😳

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Gone, I’m Gone (Songfic) - Dark/Damien x DA!reader

Warnings: explicit descriptions of blood, broken bones, starvation and dehydration, swearing, manipulation, extreme angst

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Papers (Songfic) - Dark/Damien x DA!reader

Warnings: Actor is an asshole, angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of some events from WKM

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Illinois

Of Cowboys, Cave Ins, and Crushes - Illinois x gn!reader

Warnings: being trapped in a small area, death, minor injuries that are not explicitly described

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Partner - Illinois x gn!reader

Warnings: none

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Free of Charge - Illinois x gn!reader

Warnings: illness, swearing, hurt/comfort

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Reckless - Illinois x gn!reader

Warnings: death, blood, injury, swearing, ANGST

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Family Reunion - Illinois, no reader

Warnings: none

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Stay Safe - Illinois x gn!reader

Warnings: swearing

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Star-gazing - Illinois x gn!reader x Yancy

Warnings: none

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Careful Not To Fall In Love - Illinois & Indiana Jones

Warnings: none

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Hyperfixations - Illinois x autistic!gn!reader x Yancy

Warnings, slight swearing??, fluff

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Damien

Midnight, The Stars and You (Songfic Kinda) - Damien x fem!reader

Warnings: none

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Damien and Dark ramble - Damien x gn!reader, Dark x gn!reader

Warnings: none

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Trauma (Songfic) - Dark x DA!reader, Damien x DA!reader

Warnings: angst

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Gone, I’m Gone (Songfic) - Damien/Dark x DA!reader

Warnings: explicit descriptions of blood, broken bones, starvation and dehydration, swearing, manipulation, extreme angst

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Sodomy - Damien x male!DA!reader

Warnings: internalized homophobia, religious trauma, hinted emotionally abusive parents, sodomy laws

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Papers (Songfic) - Damien/Dark x DA!reader

Warnings: Actor is an asshole, angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of some events from WKM

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Googleplier

Hug - Google x gn!reader

Warnings: none

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Reader Who Can’t Spell Headcanons - Google x gn!reader

Warnings: none

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First Kiss Headcanons - Google x gn!reader

Warnings: none

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ISWM

You’re Not The Captain AU

One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Ficlet

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You’re Another Engineer AU

One

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Captain’s Log - Ficlet - Addition

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Dogs in Space Headcanons - ISWM Crew + Captain!reader (Slight Captaineer)

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Engineer Mark

Kiss It Better - Engineer Mark x gn!reader

Warnings: minor injury, but mostly just fluff

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Captain, My Captain - Engineer Mark x AFAB!reader

Warnings: period fic, cramps, swearing

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In My Solitude (Songfic) - Engineer Mark x gn!reader

Warnings: loneliness, depression, possible su*c*dal thought (written in red text just in case), death, heavy angst, maybe a little fluffy at the end but like a sad fluffy

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I Missed You - Engineer Mark x transmasc!reader

Warnings: being (unintentionally) misgendered

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#1 Captain - Engineer Mark x gn!reader

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort

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Your Captain - Engineer Mark x gn!reader

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, loss of identity, overworking

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

A Modern Mayor, A New Romance

After the discovery of a Mayor Damien that shouldn’t exist, it was decided that Wilford would bring a small team to go say hello.

Of course, you weren’t part of the original story. None of that matters to you. All you know is that you’re being dragged into City Hall to meet someone very important.

This is Part 2 of introducing the Modern Anomaly (AKA A Damien that shouldn’t exist). Click here for Part 1! 

Word Count: 2,186

–

With Wilford at a meeting, it was a quiet morning in the Jim Studio. Your job kept you behind the scenes, and you eagerly avoided the camera wherever possible. You were grateful you were neighbours with one of the Jims and his family, who helped you get a job in the first place, and in return you did your best to help as much as possible.

Bim had taken you on as his assistant, declaring that you needed an expert to guide you through the unpredictable world of showbiz. Your Neighbour Jim had warned you to "not dress deliciously" when he found out of your opportunity. The advice seemed cryptic, but you decided to follow it as best you could. 

Unknown to you, taking a smart-casual approach to your outfit had saved your ass (literally) and Bim quickly warmed to you. On one hand, he was your boss, but he was also quickly becoming your friend and big supporter in your quest to find happiness. If there was a chance for you to get a good opportunity, he'd help you out.

Which was why when Wilford skidded in and announced that he was getting a team together to visit the Mayor, Bim immediately refused to go and volunteered you in his stead.

"Wait, what? Why?" Your boss' boss slumped, complete with his moustache drooping. Bim lifted the pages he was holding and quickly rustled them.

"I have a test run of 'Can We Can It?' at four. I want to be ready. Besides, I know that if anything important happens, I'll be told by my helpful right-hand companion." He went to efforts to use his right hand to gesture to you in a flourish. Your nervous wave caught Wilford's attention, who was quick to take your hand into a handshake that was higher than normal.

"This is that new intern person y've been tellin' me 'bout, yeah?" Wilford hummed when Bim confirmed as much. "So I guess they gotta be worth somethin' if they're still in one piece… Okie dokie! Yer comin' with me, sport!"

Bim returned his attention to his script. "Don't riddle them in bullet holes, please. I want to show them the importance of staging tomorrow."

–

The head of the studio was the infamous Wilford Warfstache. You had watched reruns of his safer interviews and concluded he was an unhinged, trigger-happy, dangerous man to be stuck with.

Instead, you discovered that this was merely an act. The Wilford you were hurrying after was genuinely upbeat and eccentric, like a man who enjoyed living in the moment. He grabbed Your Neighbour Jim when you mentioned in passing that you lived next door to a Jim - he knew precisely who you meant too! - along with a Jim who looked a little younger than you. Then, the merry crew were on their merry way!

Wilford took the time to quiz his companions on what they knew about the Mayor of the city. Young Jim helpfully piped up that his name was Damien. Your Neighbour Jim recalled his cousin being part of the election interview team. You tapped your chin with a finger and admitted that you didn't pay attention to local news, but you remembered hearing the rumours that he puts on an act, since no politician can be so honest and kind these days.

"All good answers! An' this'll be th' chance ta get ta know him better. Anyone know when th' Pride events happen?"

You swapped a look with the Jims, before you guessed two days from now.

"Correct! So we need ta get our skates on an' get goin'! From what I heard there was some sorta complication with th' news team that was gonna cover, an' Damien had 'em dismissed. Our studio is gonna step in so we gotta prove we're th' better choice. Right?"

"Yes, sir!"

-

Just before the group entered City Hall, Wilford dashed into a nearby florist and returned with a small, colourful bouquet. Yellow roses, orange daisies, white lilies, among other flowers brought summer into the world of the flora. It was given to you as he ushered everyone in like a mama duck guiding the ducklings to the pond.

"Now remember ta be polite. This is a friend of mine an' I don't want any of ya causin' a ruckus. An' make sure ta close th' door once we're in! None of ya were born in a barn!" Then, at last, you had reached the area with the Mayor's office and Wilford pushed the double doors open once he got permission from the secretary.

The office reminded you of several TV shows at once. It was spacious and bright with large windows at the back and a pale, neutral colour on the walls; yet had a distinct old-fashioned air to it thanks to the dark wood furnishings and equally dark seating. The desk was ornate, with only mild clutter that seemed to have a precise place on the surface. And there, sitting behind it, was the Mayor.

"Oh! Wilford! I wasn't expecting to see you!" The picture-perfect pose was gone in a flash as he raised to his feet and paced around the table to properly greet the group. Then, he stopped and chuckled. "I should have expected it. You told me you worked with this studio, after all."

"It's good ta see ya, Damien." Wilford took one of Damien's hands and shook it firmly with both his own. "I'm so glad Mark was able ta catch ya fer a good chance like this. We even brought a little 'thank you' gift!"

A pause. Nothing happened.

Wilford turned his head to you and called your name. 

You blinked, suddenly painfully aware of the flowers in your hands. The heat burned your cheeks as you hurried over and nearly threw them at the Mayor with a rushed, mumbled apology.

A faint chill snapped you back to reality and dispersed the panic. Damien’s hands were on yours, nothing like the warmth the gossip articles had claimed they would hold. No… the warmth was in his smile that was reflected in his eyes, but there was still a comfort in that touch. Was this the first time you felt a sense of reassurance in the cold?

"Thank you. I was hoping to get some flowers for the office this evening. Now I will have something much nicer than what I would have chosen." You pulled your hands away so he could accept the bouquet and place it beside an empty glass vase. "Well then, why don't we discuss the plan for the Pride event?"

-

The meeting was brief, but it went well. Really well, actually, but you could barely recall what happened. You didn't know why, but your mind was unable to focus on the matter at hand. All it wanted to do was pay attention to the Mayor (he insisted you all call him 'Damien’, something that Young Jim was proud to remind you all that he knew that name). You noticed how his hair was combed back and held in place with a little gel. You saw how, even when sitting on the couch surrounded by the team, he was still holding his posture, albeit more relaxed. His mannerisms were casual, his voice was soft but lively. You wonder what topics could spur him to talk with such enthusiasm and passion. 

And you realised he is exactly how he presents himself in the public eye, that it was no joke.

And you felt your heart grow curious to know him more.

Then, a knock on the door from the secretary reminding Damien of another meeting. He was so jovial and at ease that even he was disappointed to remember that he was still at work.

You and the merry crew were quickly shooed out of your seats by Wilford and shoved out the door before you could say a proper goodbye. Wilford remained in the office for a moment longer before he too stepped out, and Damien welcomed the baffled businessman inside.

But as you returned to the taxi, Wilford wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

"Yer a bit of a lucky charm, y'know that?" You shook your head and asked for clarification. He never gave it.

—

The next day, you were back working with Bim. Your Neighbour Jim was able to help Young Jim give a good rundown of what happened, but the gameshow host had noticed your lack of input. In fact, you seemed to withdraw slightly as the conversation went on.

"Hey. Got a sec?" Bim put a hand on your shoulder to stall you as the others went on ahead. "Did something happen yesterday? I can't say I'm allowed to do anything, but if the Mayor said anything to hurt you -"

You cut him off, insisting it was nothing of the sort. In fact, you reluctantly admitted, it was nothing to worry about, and it was better to focus on something else.

"You like him, don't you?"

Your head whipped up in alarm, the surprise on your face the only proof Bim needed. He simply shrugged. "What? It's an area of expertise. I know love and crushes all too well. So what's the plan to ask him out?"

You give him a deadpan look.

"You are going to ask him out, right?" When you gave no answer, he let out a huff and put a hand on his hips. "Then how do you expect to make any progress? You're only stacking the odds against yourself!"

You mimicked Bim's pose and countered that there wasn't any point. Damien was the MAYOR. That was a pretty big deal! He needed someone better, or someone in his social circle!

Bim was utterly unconvinced. "You sound ridiculous right now. He's just a guy, like anyone else here. He's probably got some dorky habits that no one knows about like the rest of us. He's not just a mayor. He's a normal person, who probably has a nice simple life when not managing a city. And besides," Bim flashed you a fanged grin, "you didn't see the way his face lit up just now."

The way his face what -

You whipped around.

There, chatting to Wilford as he walked out of an office, was Damien. He was dressed in a more casual outfit: a pale grey sweater with a white shirt underneath, paired with jeans and leather shoes; and had his hair brushed to the side to reveal a slight curl to it. You barely had a moment to process how handsome he looked before he approached.

"I do apologise for the rather unexpected entrance but… I was hoping to catch you here today. How are you?" Your brain briefly blanked, but you were able to give a coherent answer before asking what he wanted. Damien rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle.

"Truthfully, I have no idea. Between your boss and my sister, I've had some very persistent voices nagging me since yesterday. And, well… You look nice today. A-and I was wondering - when you are finished your shift, of course! - if you would, mayhaps, care to go get a coffee?"

You repeated part of the question as you scrambled to get your head around it. Movement caught your gaze and you looked over Damien's shoulder to see Wilford giving a childish double thumbs up at you.

"I'm sorry that I sprung this on you." Your lack of an answer was taken as an unofficial refusal. "I always considered myself to be someone who would take things slow, but when I saw you yesterday, something in my mind told me that I - that I would miss something important. Someone important."

Quietly, you told him that you were sure he wouldn't be interested in someone like you. Not when Damien would meet so many people as part of his job.

"It is true I meet a lot of people, yes, but it's rare I'd want to meet any of them outside a work setting, let alone get to know them on a personal level and… see where things go?"

At last, something clicked in your mind to help you realise that not only was this happening, but that Damien was deadly serious. He was also on the verge of backtracking, so you blurted that you would be delighted to join him. You weren't due to finish for another few hours, though.

"They worked overtime yesterday. I think a half day is well rewarded." Bim casually sauntered by and winked at you both before stepping into Wilford's office. Once more, your face began to heat up as you asked if it was okay to fetch your things in your locker before you left.

"Oh! Of course! I'll, uh, wait in the lobby. I…" Before he could stop himself, he leaned forward and kissed you on the cheek; only to make a swift departure.

For a moment, the world screeched to a halt. It was a cliché act one might consider teenagers to do, but something about it felt… Right. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

-

Part 3!

[yeet-me-dad-dy]

Jack’s Lament

Summary: You and Wilford visit a pumpkin patch and he leaves with a new helmet.

Warnings: None.

Characters: Wilford x Gender Neutral reader

Words: 1,310

Requested by @moriimae​

The crisp afternoon air brings with it the scent of the gently falling rain and nearby freshly baked pastries. You walk with Wilford, hand in hand, toward the wrought-iron archway of the town’s famous pumpkin patch. The gates stand open wide, a yawning maw of black metal and dead, twisted vines that post an eerie invitation for guests to enter the grounds. The small, rusty wagon that Wilford pulls behind him bumps along happily down the sidewalk, its axles occasionally squeaking in protest of the damp and cold.

Wil’s face lights up when the two of you step through the gates, pay for your admission, and receive the stamps on the back of your hands notifying the volunteers that you are allowed in the grounds and free to pick any gourds of your choosing. As you wander down the paved road toward the mansion that towers ominously toward the back of the property, Wilford gives you a nudge.

“Think it’s haunted?” he asks with a smirk, his pink mustache twitching mischievously. 

You chuckle and shake your head.

“Maybe, but if it’s not, you’re not allowed to make it haunted, okay?”

Your pumpkin picking partner fakes a pout, but the facade breaks in only seconds and then he’s grinning again. You give him a nudge to the left, forcing him off the driveway and toward the sprawling gardens. 

“We’re here for pumpkins, not mansions, remember?” you remind him.

“Aww, but I wanted to go ghost hunting…”

You pat him on the shoulder and then take his hand in yours once more with a soft smile.

“We already have a haunted mansion, Wil, we don’t need another.”

“Yeah, but I know what haunts ours, and Dark doesn’t like to play ghost hunters.”

“If you would stop trying to suck him into the vacuum, maybe he would.”

You watch as a look of nostalgia ghosts over Wilford’s face, and he smiles at the memory. 

Only a few more steps later, the two of you find yourself amongst the twisting vines of healthy orange pumpkins. 

“I want the biggest pumpkin they have,” Wilford states plainly, and you chuckle.

“Of course you do. You better get to looking if you want to find it before anyone else does.”

You and Wil arrived at the pumpkin patch only a minute after they opened their gates. You were the first ones inside, but there was already a crowd filing in through the gates behind you. 

“You look over here and I’ll go look over there!” he tells you. He doesn’t give you even a second to reply before he’s is sprinting through the garden, hurtling over pumpkins. 

“Be careful, Wil!” you call after him. 

Knowing him, he’ll end up tripping over a vine and breaking his neck. Again. He dropped the handle of the wagon when he decided to run off, so you pick it up in his stead and begin your trek more deliberately through the living maze. Almost every pumpkin in this patch would be perfect for something, whether that be carving or cooking. The family that grows these tends to their plants with love all year so that they’re the best they can be come autumn. 

You bend down and use the sleeve of your grey knit cardigan to wipe the rain from a medium gourd. Bright orange and round, with no flat face and a strong vine, this pumpkin would be perfect for carving. You shimmy your knife out of your pocket and flip it open, then carefully cut the pumpkin free, making sure to leave enough of a stem on it that it won’t go rotten for a while. You hoist the pumpkin up in your arms. Not too big, not too small, not too heavy. Perfect. The old wagon squeaks when you place your pick onto the folded blanket in its bottom, and it lets out a pitiful groan when you give the handle a tug, urging it to follow behind you. It does, but not without protest and pouting.

You scan the pumpkins as you wind your way through the garden, toward Wilford’s unmistakable yellow shirt and rainbow suspenders a few meters away. 

“Wil!” you call out to him. “Did you find a pumpkin yet?”

He whirls around with a grin on his face and, with some effort, heaves a massive pumpkin into the air over his head.

“If you drop that, you’re gonna break your neck!” you scold, though you know he doesn’t care.

It’s not like it would kill him.

Nevertheless, he lowers the pumpkin so that he can cradle it in his arms like a baby, all fifty or so pounds. You smile and shake your head as you close the distance, approaching Wilford with a look that says ‘you are absolutely ridiculous, but it’s endearing and I love you’.

“Is that the one you’re going with?” you ask.

He nods excitedly as he steps around you and plops his pumpkin into the wagon next to yours, met with a disgruntled groaning of axles and screws. 

“You are chaos incarnate,” you chuckle, and he responds by leaning over to give you a peck on the cheek.

“Can we keep looking?” he asks, watching you with those big brown puppy dog eyes that you so adore. 

“Well, our wagon isn’t full yet, so I’m gonna go with yes.”

“Great! I’m gonna find a pumpkin for Dark.”

He takes off again, though this time much slower, so you’re able to follow without much trouble as he skips along merrily.

Three decent pumpkins later and you’re heading back to the entrance with Wilford and a wagonfull of gourds in tow. He runs ahead of you like a dog off leash, rushing back and forth, running circles around you, hopping pumpkins, and hurtling vines. There are times when it’s nice that Wil doesn’t get tired easily, and then there are times like these. You trek slowly along, panting from the effort of pulling the heavy wagon behind you.

“Hey Wil, can you take a turn pulling the wagon? I’m tired.”

He stops and looks toward your voice when he hears his name, and upon your request begins to bound toward you. And then he stops, dead in his tracks, and looks down at his feet.

“Wil?” you ask, brow furrowed in concern. “You okay? What happened?”

He reaches down, pulls something off of his foot - something that you can’t quite see - and then lifts a head-sized pumpkin up to show you the hole in the bottom that his foot made when he accidentally stepped on it.

“Whoops,” he chuckles, then tucks the pumpkin under his arm, entirely unfazed by the guts that stain his shirt.

“Guess that’s one more pumpkin for the wagon,” you smile. 

You stop to allow him to put the pumpkin with the others, and he retrieves it from under his arm before he hesitates. He regards the pumpkin.

“I’m gonna wear it as a hat.”

“Wh-? No, don’t do that.”

“I’m gonna do it.”

“Wilford, it’ll get-”

He shoves the pumpkin down onto his head, a bit more forcefully than he probably meant to. It slides, not only over his head, but also over his face, nearly taking his ears off as it goes.

“-stuck.” You finish your sentence with a sigh and bring your hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose. 

Wilford stands before you, unmoving, with a pumpkin over his head.

“Can you breathe?” you ask, deadpan. 

“Nope,” comes his answer, muffled by his new helmet. 

“Awesome…” You sigh again. “Whelp. Come on then. Take my hand. I’ll lead you out of here.”

Blindly, he shoos you aside so that he can take the wagon from you, then he offers you his free hand. You take it with a smile that you know he can’t see, and lead him back to the entrance.

Bonus:

“Wilford, why is there a pumpkin on your head?” Dark asks when the two of you return to the manor.

“It’s my new helmet,” Wil answers, his voice muffled.

“He’s stuck,” you clarify as you move past Dark and into the kitchen with a pumpkin in hand.