#why yes I am proud of myself for this title

[theinheriteddutchess]

Ok so suede is extremely well behaved! I don't know if that's his personality or a deeper more psychological meaning👀🥺 but most kids would just wake up there parents especially when they're so young.

I'm so proud of him for doing it! 😭

Ok this whole scenario with Andy and suede…I am so filled with warmth. It's so cute and that little bit is visioning and loved and safe. And about to fall asleep lol.

Maybe her ovaries ache for a different reason 😏

See I'm not liking this, where she has to ask if she can take them away while he doesn't communicate his plans at all and would probably just take them and maybe inform her last minute probably. Her mom knew! She was right.

Though i get that it's hard if your kids would call another partner a mom or dad, the fact is Scott doesn't deserve to be called that title and it's sad how scared Audrey is to disappoint him.

… Even the playdoh isn't safe from Scott's bullshit.

Ok I wouldn't recommend topless cooking!I can only imagine grease splatters on your chest😭 that shits no joke

Lol she's a brat. And that little back and forth with the boyfriend\fiance thing To be honest she's being unreasonable and angry at the wrong person here.🤷🏻‍♀️

He he that burn about his fear of sharks, fucking hypocrit. Also! Why would Taylor's parents even accept this relationship? Their skank of a daughter should be a shame, and they would expect this relationship not to work out anyway. And I don't doubt she won't think of suedes allergies!

Fuck you Scott, truly get stubborn for that fat comment

And get double fucked for saying suede shouldn't be there. Fuck you, you fucking fucktard, I will dance on your funeral.

And Taylor can fuck of too, laughing at a two year old. She works protect that little bit, but she's vile. Sorry I just have no patience or empathy for either, I wish them horrible things. i want them to be humiliated and hurt, lile truly, maybe they'll never learn l but maybe, if they're down and vertonen they can understand what empathy is. Though I doubt it.

**“Fuck you. You are so self righteous. You act like you’re the perfect fucking parent, and nobody is ever going to compare to you. I hope Andy enjoys trying to please someone who is impossible to please,” you moan again. Having to bite on Andy’s arm. “You fucking slut. How dare you fuck that asshole while you’re talking to me!”*"

He he hypocrit, because you were fucking Taylor during your marriage, and also, yes, Andy is enjoying himself. A lot.

Okay I tired myself out😭

Until we meet again.

Ps, probably a gazillion mistakes but I tried!

Two Good Reasons, Part 8

Summary: something is happening

Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, playful degradation, mentions of divorce, mentions of neglect, unprotected sex, slight voyeurism, Scott, creampie, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 5.7K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

“NaNa?” Suede looks up from the toys he’s playing with pointing down the hallway to your bedroom. Desperately trying to get Andy to wake you up, “Mama and Dee seep?”

“Yes, buddy,” Suede huffs a bit. Crossing his arms over his chest before his mouth flattens out, and he returns to his playing. Andy watches him a moment before looking back at the game on tv. Suede looks back down the hallway before pouting up at Andy, “Suedey, what’s wrong?”

“Me pee,” he says, rocking his body back and forward.

“In your diaper?” He shakes his head no, looking towards the bathroom, and he jumps up. His feet bounce around a bit before he jumps, holding himself. “Okay. Come on,” Andy stands up, and walks quickly towards Suede, “Let’s go, buddy.”

“Mama be mad?” His brows furrow as he starts bouncing around even more. Andy knows he has moments before Suede has an accident and gets upset for doing so.

“Your mama won’t be mad. Come on,” Suede holds himself as he runs towards the bathroom, and makes it to his potty just in time. He gives Andy a thumbs up, smiling so proudly at him. “You made it! Does that feel better than a diaper?”

“Chess! Me yike it. NaNa pee der?” Suede points at the bigger toilet, and Andy nods his head, “Me, too?”

“One day. And you’ll get to stand.”

“No,” Andy nods his head yes. “No, no.”

“Has your dad never,” he stops his question when Suede scrunches his nose up. Andy approaches the boy carefully. A child with so very little vocabulary, and still so young, but clearly Scott hadn’t been teaching him anything about pottying.

“Tay.”

“Taylor?” Suede nods his head, and Andy wonders what his limited words are trying to tell him. He’s noticed that you don’t ever press your children about time at their dad’s, so he doesn’t want to either. But he wonders if Taylor is the one that deals with bathroom or diaper duty, “You done?”

“Chess! My mama at?”

“She and Audrey are taking a nap,” Suede dramatically rolls his eyes at Andy, and pulls up his pants. “Audrey has a bit of a cold, and your mama is tired.”

“Ways seep!” He rolls his eyes again, starting to stomp out of the bathroom.

“Hands, Suede,” Andy’s voice is soft, but demanding. It’s not a question, it’s what Suede has to do.

“Ugh,” groaning, he gets on the stool, grunting as he reaches for the soap.

“I know mama has been needing some extra sleep lately, but it happens to everyone,” Suede shakes his head no, starting to play more in the water than washing his hands. “Yes, they do. Your mom works hard, she loves you and sissy harder, and…”

“Ove oo.”

“Yes, she loves me, too. Are you finished?” Suede giggles as Andy picks him up to use the towel. He swings him around until he’s sitting on his hip, and he peeks into the bedroom, and you’ve still got Audrey tight against your body. Your nose buries into her watermelon scented hair, and she clings just as tightly to you.

Suede gets one look at you and growls, “Now, you’ve got to share time with your mom. You could have taken a nap, too, and you said no. You want to nap?”

“No,” shaking his head no, he points at Andy’s chest. Sputtering out words before sighing. Once Andy gets into the living room, he points at the tv.

“You want to watch the game or Bluey?”

“Oo Oo,” that settled that. He yawns, and Andy chooses to ignore it, if you bring up nap to Suede, he’ll refuse it just to spite you. Still holding him he walks into the kitchen. Grabbing himself a beer, and a cup of watered down juice for Suede. “Nack, pease,” his speaking has immensely improved. Suede has slowly been able to put words into sentences.

“A snack. Hmm. What about your fruit salad? No strawberries, and no..?”

“Pies,” pineapples. Close enough. “NaNa, my ove oo,” he lays his head on Andy’s chest, snuggling in a bit tighter. He always tells fibs about being sleepy. Sleepy Suede, is more cuddly loving Suede.

“I love you, too, buddy. You ready to watch some Bluey?”

“Chess!” But his ’yes’ is just a little bit softer, and he never lifts his head off Andy’s chest.

—

You yawn, looking down at your daughter who rubs the sleep out of her eyes. Audrey looks up at you, giving you a sleepy smile, “Did you sleep as hard as mommy?”

“Uh huh,” she sits up in the bed, stretching big. “I like this new bed. Can we see what Andy and Suedey are doing,” she jumps out of the bed immediately, but waits for you to stretch, too. Going behind her, you scoop her up in your arms to blow raspberries all over her, but stop when you walk into the living room.

This is the sight you’ve always wanted to see; a sticky-faced little boy snuggled up against his dad’s chest, while both of them are passed out. The comfort that Suede feels with Andy matches the way he feels about you. You have no fears when he’s with Andy. You know that Andy has his allergies memorized, but also checks the list that’s on the fridge constantly.

He wanted to watch some football, but opted for Bluey so Suede could fall asleep. He agreed to stay up a bit longer with Suede, spend some one on one time with him, while you and Audrey were already piled up and snuggled. Sunday naps are your favorite for a reason.

“They’re sleeping,” Audrey looks at you with a big smile. You know she enjoys seeing Suede being happy and more content here. She shouldn’t have to worry about her brother, but she does. The best big sister you could have asked for. “Suedey likes Andy a whole whole lot.”

“So does Audrey, huh?” She giggles, nodding her head. “How about mommy and Audrey get a snack, and you can play at the table while mommy makes dinner?” She nods again, while you look back at Andy and Suede. He makes your ovaries ache. Seeing how good he is with children that aren’t his, you know this man deserves someone of his blood. You don’t know how, but you’ll make it happen.

You honestly can’t even wait to spend all these holidays with Andy and the kids. Biting on your lip, you glance at the family calendar, knowing it’s past time to ask Scott if you can go back to Michigan with the kids to spend time with your family for Thanksgiving. It was your weekend to have them. Scott hadn’t told you about plans with Taylor’s family, or if he was even interested in seeing them on the holiday.

You didn’t want to travel for Christmas, but Andy had the time off for Thanksgivng. You had the time off. You missed your family, and wanted them to see Andy with your babies. Let them see how much the kids have grown, and also a grownup Andy. Your mom obsessively talked about him. Even told you on your wedding day you should try and find Andy again because you were making a mistake. Mom’s always know best. And your mom definitely knew.

“Mommy?” You look up from slicing the vegetables for a roast, letting Audrey know she has your attention, “I think I messed up.”

“Why’s that?” She bites on her lip, looking more like you every day, even with her mannerisms. Audrey looks down at the PlayDoh she’d been kneading, and looks down the hallway towards the living room. “Audi? Is everything okay?”

“I called Andy daddy,” she sighs, and finally looks up at you. You meet her with a smile on your face. You and Andy hadn’t found the time or the way to bring up that comment. “It was at donuts for dad, and I just think I got confused. My head was all mushy, and I didn’t mean it. But I liked having him there, and showing my room. You’re the only one that’s seen it.”

Her face falls to sadness, and you lay down the knife. Walking around the counter island to hug her, “Sweet girl, Andy and I aren’t mad.”

“But what about my daddy? Are you going to tell him?” You weren’t. But eventually if Audrey kept feeling comfortable with Andy, and letting that title slip, he would know.

“Do you want me to?” She shakes her swiftly, and buries herself into your chest. “No. But I also think you should call Andy whatever feels natural. You naturally called him that because at that moment that’s what he felt like to you. Baby, Andy adores and loves you, and doesn't not care what you call him. Unless it’s something like poppy head,” Audrey giggles, finally lifting up from your body.

“What about daddy?” She pouts. No matter what, this little girl adores her dad, and she’s already over concerned about Scott’s opinion. “Won’t he be mad?”

“We don’t have to tell daddy if you don’t want to. Daddy never has to know. I don’t want you to stress about this. You’re four, almost five,” Scott is going to keep on and turn your precious child into a neurotic clam.

Her little fingers pet over your shirt, looking like she’s up to something. Her sly smile is so cute that you just want to give her a hard kiss on her cheek. “Can we go to Paris for my birthday?”

“No,” you answer quickly. Traveling out of the country with ‘Scott’s children’ would be out of the question. Going to Paris before her birthday would be even more so with planning alone. “Pick somewhere else to go.”

“Nini and Poppy’s?”

“That’s what I’m hoping to do for Thanksgiving. What about something around here?”

A finger taps on her chin, humming so sweetly while she thinks. “Can we go to the aquarium, and soft play, and then pizza, and then go to a movie?”

“I think that sounds like a magical day. Who do you want to go?”

“Our family,” you want to squeeze her so tight. Her sweetness comes out of her, and you need to preserve these little moments. “You, and me, and Suedey, and Andy,” you nod your head. Pressing a kiss to her forehead before placing her back in her seat. She’s making you oddly over emotional, and it feels so confusing and overwhelming, and you love it.

“Audrey, you are the cutest, most sweetest little girl I’ve ever met, you know that?”

“Yes, I do,” she gives you a little giggle, returning to her PlayDoh. You happen to glance at it a moment. “Is this what the judge’s bench looks like,” you finally understand Andy’s frustration with this.

“Audi, why don’t you make a cupcake instead.”

“No, I gotta learn.”

Waking up without the kids feels so awful. Yes, you have your wonderful boyfriend-fiance, and you refuse to call him fiance until he gives you a ring. And while waking up without them at home with you is better with Andy, due to the distraction, but it still sucked. The only good thing is having Andy prance around nearly naked.

He loves to keep the doors locked, the blinds closed, and walk around with his cock out all day. It’s like he’s teasing you. And you have no problem partaking. He really likes it when you’re naked or at least topless. Especially topless cooking, like now.

You’re being cheeky teenagers again, except without so many restrictions. Standing over the pot of soup, you giggle as Andy comes up behind you with his hands on your tits. He looks over your shoulders softly petting around your nipple. His smile is infectious as he pebbles the sensitive skin. “You’re so,” a lewd moan ripples through your throat, and you back your ass into his cock.

“Fuck me.”

“Sensitive,” Andy gives your nipples a hard pinch, and twirls you around to look at him, and you immediately cup his cock, and he meets your energy, except he shoves two fingers into your warmth, and you whimper, “You’re fucking soaked,” he’s shocked at how ready you are for him.

“I’m fucking horny,” you whine, grinding over his fingers like a bitch in heat. You’re so needy for him right now.

“Yeah, no shit, Doe. You are leaking out, and making a mess on your thighs. What has got you worked up?” His voice is laced with so much hunger for you. My god, this man and that cock you can have whenever you want. And you want immediately. “You’re so fucking messy.”

You can’t stop it. There’s something about his voice that sounds accusatory. And you’re fucking horny. You want to have sex, you don’t want to have a lecture. The soup is simmering and not ready. The kids aren’t here. And you want to be fucked so hard you fall asleep again.

“Maybe if my boyfriend didn’t walk around the damn house with his dick swinging around,” he grimaces at the word boyfriend and the way you emphasized it. “Get hard!”

“Make me,” you’re a bit irritated at him, but not enough to refuse making him hard. You sink to your knees, and take his hardening cock into your hand. You kiss over his member. Looking up at him with the sweetest face that you can muster. You’re not sweet. You’re a goddamn whore for Andy Barber.

“You are a horny little slut, hmm?” Shimmying your shoulders, you nod your head with a smile. Sucking his cock into your mouth so you can suck and use your tongue to massage him. Moaning as he turns to steel in your mouth. “Fuck. You seriously are a master with your mouth. My fiance looks amazing just like this. Taking my cock just like she was made to do.”

What? You pull off his cock slowly, and stare up at him scowling, “What?” He asks, mouth hanging open looking at you.

“Seriously?”

He furrows his brows, and you lose patience. Leaning back on your heels, he asks that stupid question again, “What, Doe?” You don’t say anything, just move to stand. “No. You stay and talk to me. What is your deal?”

Your deal? He grabs your arm, but you shrug him off, and march away from him. “Doe!” You keep walking away from him, but he doesn’t let up. Using your real name, and it hurts for some reason. The vitriol reaction you have to hearing him say a name that everyone calls you. Doe is special to him. His little deer.

“Do not call me that, Andy Barber!”

“I seriously have no idea what is going on right now,” of course he wouldn’t. Because he didn’t understand anything. And currently neither do you.

“Ugh!” Spinning back on your heels, you walk away. Again. Heading towards the bedroom. The two of you look utterly ridiculous; you wearing nothing but cheeky panties, and him completely nude with a hard on. Serves him right. Maybe he can have blue balls because the free show is over now. He needs to gravel, and plead.

“I sound stupid!” You scream at yourself, and you fall onto the bed like a petulant child. You sound like a toddler, and still you can’t stop the weird feeling. It’s not anger as much as it’s complete frustration. You can’t make it stop. You want to be fucked. You want Andy to propose like he said he would. You want to move and live in a house that doesn’t have Scott’s name on it. You want your children to quit leaving you every other weekend.

You want Scott to quit throwing lame excuses over your head trying to scare and threaten you. You want him to stop fighting for full custody. You don’t want him to even have joint custody. You want your babies. And you want them with you and Andy.

“Baby,” Andy coos on your back. He peppers kisses all over your back, and you cry more. You’re trying to be mad at him! “Honey, tell me what’s wrong?”

“I hate him,” he doesn’t have to see your face to know your crying. Your trembling body tells him.

“That’s not what set this off. Tell me what made you angry at first,” was it not Scott? Or is everything just rushing at you at once?

“You’re a liar,” you sound like a child. Audrey doesn’t whine as much as you are.

“I am not.”

“You said you were going to propose for real, and you haven’t,” make it stop. Go back to blaming Scott. You sound like an entitled asshole. Andy said he had a ring, and he said he was going to propose, and he will.

“I called you my fiance,” his voice is so soft, and understanding, but it kind of ticks you off again, and you try to resist. You don’t want to make things worse.

“And I hate it here. I hate that he takes our babies away every other weekend, and I only get to see their faces a little bit. Or when Suede tries to text from his ‘mini’ iPad, and it’s just emojis. And I love that you help him potty. And I’m so horny,” Andy chuckles on your back. He uses his feet to push legs apart.

His thick fingers start teasing through your weeping cunt, and another alarm goes off, “You’re trying to change the subject.”

“You just said you were horny, so I’m going to fuck you, and then we can talk about everything else like adults.”

“You fuck me from behind to much,” he growls. Actually growls on your body. “Andy!” His hands grip you tight before flipping you over on your back, and stepping in between your legs. He moves aside your panties, and you know how stupid it sounds inside your head, but you can’t stop it. “Are you seriously trying to fuck me like some bitch you met at the club without taking her panties off?”

He gives you the most angry grin you’ve ever seen. Tight lipped and irritated when he rips the damn things off, “Those were my favorite panties.”

“No, they weren’t,” you gawk at him. “No. No, they weren’t. Your favorite ones are those pink ones. They cover your full ass, and there’s something about the way they just don’t move on your body, so you’re not tugging them around all day,” you really gawk at him. He’s right. “And when we sleep, your ass cheeks hang out just the tiniest bit and I want to bite each one. So not only are they comfortable on you, they look amazing on, or on the floor.”

Andy crashes into your whiny ass warmth, and your back lifts off the bed. “Now, I don’t know what set you off, or why you’re being so unreasonable but I want to talk about it.”

“I want you to fuck me!” He pulls himself all the way out before slamming into so hard. “Fuck me!”

“I am!” He does it again. And again until your eyes start to crash. “I am your partner, and I want to listen to what’s bothering you.”

“Everything!” He stalls his movements, before leaning over you. His hands in a fist to hold his weight off you just enough. But you want to feel him on you. You want to feel that slight pressure and weight, and know that he’s there, “Everything. I don’t know how to explain it, and I don’t know how to talk about it. I spent so many years sucking up my problems because I didn’t have a real job, and he did. You don’t want to hear about my problems because you’re busier than me.”

“I do,” you shake your head no, but Andy grips onto your chin tightly. His hips slowly push and pull him out of your warmth. You really are a damn teenager. Can’t have an adult conversation without needing your boyfriend-fiancé’s cock inside of you, and all you can do is cry and shake your head. “Doe, I want to hear everything. We are partners. When you don’t feel well, I don't feel well. I want you to be happy because that makes my days better.”

“I don’t want him to have our babies,” you said it again without any hesitation. You want Andy to have your children. You would ask him to adopt them today if you knew it was possible.

He nods his head. His rhythm is still so steady, “The custody hearing is getting closer,” it isn’t a question, but you nod your head. He knows that’s part of what’s bothering you, “Honey, I’m not going to let anyone take the kids from us.”

“You can’t promise that,” Andy leans forward, and kisses each cheek, pulling back you notice the shine on his lips. “Did you just kiss my tears away?”

“I did. That’s what I want. I want to kiss away all your tears, and I want us to be okay. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me,” tears steadily flow down your face, and he keeps kissing over your cheeks, and it doesn’t help. Except those tears stop hurting so much. You’re now crying because you’re so happy with the right partner. “Honey, I love you.”

“I love you,” your words bubble over. He’s so perfect, and you’re just not. You’re not a superhuman, you’re not the thinnest, the most beautiful, the smartest, but you know you’re a damn good mom, and you were a good wife to an asshole. But you could be the best wife to Andy. “I want to marry you.”

“You’ve got to get divorced first,” you snort. Finally sounding happier than sadder. He smiles, kissing you gently. “I’ll marry you the day after if that’s what you want.”

“It was always you,” you may sound silly. You two may argue over the stupidest things. But it was always him. “I’m sorry that I’m a child sometimes.”

“You’re normally not,” he bites his lip as he pounds into you quickly. “Now, hold — fucking hell!” He yells, slamming his hand on your phone. “You’re answering it.”

“You are fucking me,” giggling, you read his name, and know why Andy wants you to answer.

“And I’ll keep fucking you. So you better listen to little Scottie the first time,” whimpering, you shake your head no.

“Just finish quickly.”

“I don’t want to, I want to take my time. Answer it.”

Groaning, you click on the phone, “Hey,” Andy is an asshole. He keeps a slow rhythm into your body. “What are you needing?”

“Why do you sound sniffly?”

“My allergies have been irritating me lately,” you can feel his eyes roll, “What’s up?”

“Taylor is wanting to throw Audrey a party,” he blurts out. You don’t hate Taylor. But you don’t think Taylor is capable of throwing Audrey a birthday party either. Plus, she’s got the celebration one in her classroom, and doesn’t love large crowds. “She wants to give her a party at an event center with clowns.”

“She’s terrified of clowns, and characters in costumes,” she likes her characters 2D.

“She’s not over that yet?”

“Are you over your fear of sharks?” Scott huffs. “I’m listening. What else?” Andy pistons into your body so hard that you have to slap your hand over your mouth to keep a sound of deep satisfaction from escaping. “Jerk!”

“Just have Taylor’s family,” why? “And a few kids from her classroom,” a few can range to a large number. “She wants a caterer.”

“For a five year old?” You already see what Taylor is doing. She wants her family there, so she can show off how much her boyfriend can spend on silly little things like a birthday party.

“Not everybody wants to make everything by hand like you, Ms. Perfect,” you know Andy is aware of everything that Scott is saying. It’s why he grits his teeth as he pounds into your body balls deep, and lets the tip of his cock settle against your cervix sweetly. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” just having the best sex with the deepest penetration.

“You’re panting.”

“I just got off the treadmill,” just getting fucked.

“Honey, it’s not baby weight anymore, Suede is two,” another harsh move into you, and Andy’s face starts to turn red. Angry with Scott’s unnecessary harsh words.

“She wants to go to Paris.”

“Absolutely not. I’m not paying for that shit.”

You roll your eyes. Scott seriously didn’t understand, nor were you asking him to pay for anything. “She’s obsessed with Madeline. Why not do a Parisian theme. But for fuck’s sake, can the two of you make sure that Suede can have everything there? You know how kids are.”

“You could keep him that day.”

Andy bites your neck slightly too hard, “Ow.”

“What?” Andy growls on your skin. “Oh god, did I upset Andrew?” No, he’s pissing you off.

“You upset me. Either Suede goes, or you don’t need to throw a party for Audrey,” he starts to say something, but you speak louder, “That’s his sister, and you know the special bond that they have. Either you include Suede in the festivities, or you don’t do it. Audrey will want to talk about it, and it won’t be fair to our son.”

“He’s fucking two years old, he won’t remember it.”

You lift up on your elbows, throwing all caution to the wind when you grab Andy’s ass, and pull him deeper into you. You wink at your fiance. “Do you think he doesn’t know the disdain that you have for him? How you won’t even spend the goddamn time to help him pee in the potty while he’s there? Do you think Audrey doesn’t tell me about the giggling you and Taylor did when he cried because he had an accident that smelled. Shit stinks, you asshole. Even your precious Taylor’s. So either you have a party that Suede can fully be a part of, or don’t bother throwing a party that she doesn’t even want anyways.”

Andy moans, and Scott whispers an expletive. You hope that Scott knows that you’re getting ground into with the biggest cock right now. Andy pushes into you faster. Harder. “Is there a problem, Scott?”

“You can be a bitch sometimes. Just didn’t realize it until after we split.”

“And you can be an asshole sometimes. I always knew it, but I overlooked it for some reason. And if I ever hear about you and Taylor making a comment about Suede’s shitty diaper again…” Andy pushes into you so hard, your eyes roll into the back of your head. You can’t make threats. “He’s a baby, and we are teaching him to potty train. If you don’t want to change diapers, do the same at your house.”

“He’s with you more.”

“Consistency is the key. Is that all?” His side is silent, minus the heavy breathing. You can hear his finger tapping on something. His annoying fucking habit when he gets angry. Fucking asshole. He’s a little bitch. Having to make a two year old feel bad for an accident in his diaper to make him feel superior.

“Audrey shouldn’t — are you,” he pauses. You’ve stunned him into silence, and he doesn’t even know what to say, “What do you want?”

“I want you to treat both our children the same. I want you to treat Suede like he’s your son, and that you love him. I want you to be just as proud of him as you are of Audrey. I want you to stop pushing the responsibilities of our children onto Taylor. I want my son to come home happy. I don’t want him to see me, and not want to let go of me for a few hours. Mmm,” Andy really is an asshole for pushing into you so deep that you can’t stop the sound of bliss.

Scott knows. He knows that Andy is giving it to you so good, and when you get off the phone that Andy is going to fuck you like a slut. “Andy told you to write,” he sighs. Yes, Andy and you have been writing down every indiscretion to your children that he does, “I just can’t connect with him.”

“What are you saying?” Your fingers dig into Andy’s ass. You're angry. You’re pissed. You’re ready to kill your ex.

“I don’t,” he’s choosing his words carefully. You wish he would just rip the bandaid off. “He’s not an easy child. Audrey is. I had bonding time with her. And then…”

“And then my postpartum depression cramped your sex life. And then our son became the number one man in my life. And then our son was sick all the time. You never even tried to connect with him. You never even noticed that I was drowning. All you cared about was getting your dick wet. So my advice to you is to make sure you don’t knock Taylor up, because you can’t handle anything with a penis being put above you. Is that all?”

“Fuck you. You are so self righteous. You act like you’re the perfect fucking parent, and nobody is ever going to compare to you. I hope Andy enjoys trying to please someone who is impossible to please,” you moan again. Having to bite on Andy’s arm. “You fucking slut. How dare you fuck that asshole while you’re talking to me!”

“My fucking slut,” Andy grunts before reaching to your phone, and ending the call. “After this court hearing, and when it’s determined about the kids,” he stops himself. His thrusts are angry. “Do you realize I want to,” you cover his mouth with your hand, shaking your head.

“Do not say that. I just want our,” you smile at him, letting him know that it’s not an accident when you say our, “babies. Oh god,” he ruts into you, and your body becomes soft for him. Pliable to his every move, and you stare at the man that didn’t even have to try, and he reached your ‘impossible’ standards. Scott is wrong. And you’re never going to allow him to hurt your self esteem ever again.

The only thing you want is to know that your babies are safe, and in a loving environment. And if he can’t provide that for them, he might as well just give up trying to fight for them. He only fights for them because it hurts you. But his fight is becoming stale. The only thing he’s holding onto is his pride. Knowing that Audrey could be his legacy, and never thinking that his son could. He wants you to hurt. He wants to shove something in Andy’s face. And all at the expense of his children.

One of these days, he’ll give up on the fight. And when he does, you know that Andy won’t hesitate to pick up those pieces, and be willing to adopt both children, and legally become their father. It’s in knowing a man. It’s knowing that even when you’re acting ridiculous in an argument, that Andy isn’t going to stop. That he’s not going to make some snarky comment that kills your self worth.

He crashes his lips into yours, and the two of you pant. Breathing in each other’s air. Entangling your bodies together in the most beautiful sin. One of these days you won’t have to worry about these conversations. You won’t have to worry about the bane of your existence. You’ll be able to sleep every other weekend because you know that your children are in a safe home.

He presses his forehead against yours while he drives his cock into you so hard. Fusing his body with yours. You can’t look away from his beautiful eyes. Can’t think of anything more besides the fact that Andy is the most beautiful human. Andy is the epitome of a perfect man. Not just in looks, even though he really is the best. But the fact that he isn’t toxic, and he’s all man.

His eyes darken, and his body tightens, “I’m there, Andy.”

“I know, honey,” his salacious moan has your body setting on fire. He’s so vocal during sex that you never have to worry if it truly feels good for him, or if you’re just ‘doing your wifely duties’. “I feel your walls pulsing around me. Squeezing me so tight. Let. Go,” breathing him in, you let every wall fall down as euphoria races through you. Your cunt clenches down around him, and you mewl out his name. Thick. Hot ropes of cum shoot into your pussy, and Andy’s body melts on top of your own.

You just breathe. You soak him all up. Every last drop of him. This will be the one that takes. You know it will be. You furrow your brows as you look up at the ceiling. Counting in your head. Are you even ovulating? Are you…?

“Hey,” he pops up from your chest, smiling, and you forget all the counting. He’s so pretty after sex. “Tomorrow when we go to pick up the kids. There’s somewhere special I want to show you.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Andy!”

“Doe!”

“Daddy!” He covers your mouth with his hand.

“Woman, being called daddy by you is not my thing. I know you’re doing it to make me cringe. But I just had the best sex of my life, and pissed off a little wanna be man in the process. Let me revel in that fact, and also the fact that your cunt is so full of me that your eyes are swimming,” you shake your head no. His hand is still covering you, but he knows you're smiling.

“Yeah, you’re swimming in Andy cum and Andy dick.”

“I love swimming in Andy.”

“Andy just loves you,” and with that, he kisses you softly. Savoring the different taste of you after sex. He could tell you about all the things that are different about you, but he’ll save it. He won’t be able to save it for too much longer. You’re just being too silly and stressed to realize.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

@pandaxnienke @kmm-fluv @rogersbarber @theinheriteddutchess @buckybarnesisdaddy @hisredheadedgoddess28

[grandpeachpersona]

It's A Man's World

Chapter 5 (Batter up)

a/n: To clarify, I do not own the rights to any pictures or names used in this story, except for Sierra Riley. All other rights and names belong to the NFL and MLB. Additionally, some characters are inspired by the game MLB The Show 24, which includes fictional characters. The title of the book is inspired by the song "It's a Man's World" by James Brown and Betty Jean Newsome, for which I also do not own the rights. All rights are held by Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp. and Unichappell Music, Inc. Enjoy!

If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be playing for the Atlanta Braves, I would have told you. You're lying, but here I am. After the draft, I had to fly to Florida for spring training, and then when that was over, I flew to Atlanta to sign my rookie contract, which is $380k for my first year plus a 2 million signing bonus. Then fly to Cincinnati for my first game for the season. Safe to say I've had a crazy couple of weeks. 

Oh and how fitting that Joe is throwing out the first pitch since its Reds opening day.  So it's really true what they say. It does come full circle. 

I walked out from the clubhouse into the away dugout. I noticed Joe in the batter's box swinging a bat at baseballs as they fired out the shooter and must I say he looked damn good while doing it too. 

Ok, time I come clean about something. Do I have a crush on my best friend Joe Burrow? Yes. Am I scared to tell him? Yes. Why? because if I do I'm going to make a complete fool of myself and I just do not want to risk that and possibly losing a friend.  

But friends don't text each other every day for random things or have late-night phone conversions like they used to when they were in LSU together. To sum it up over the last couple of months Joe and I have slipped back into our old ways and not that I'm complaining I just wish we were more. 

I noticed Joe had finished and might as well say hello. I walked out towards home plate catching the tail end of his conversation “I'm so proud of her…to watch her play in college I knew she was big league bound and now she's here.” I heard Joe tell my teammate Austin Riley, a third baseman. 

“There's the woman of the hour!” I hear Ja’marr call out as I make my way toward the group, my heart racing with a mix of excitement and nerves.

I shake my head, feeling a bit overwhelmed. “Stop! I'm done crying for today,” I reply, my voice tinged with a slight whine, reflecting the emotional rollercoaster I've been on.

Ja’marr looks at me with a supportive smile. “How do you feel? Are you ready for this?” he asks, his eyes filled with genuine concern. I nod slowly, trying to muster a confident expression despite my jitters. “I feel ready; I’m just trying not to overthink everything,” I admit, forcing a nervous smile.

“Sis, you’ve got this in the bag!” Ja’marr encourages, his voice steady and reassuring. “Don’t let them cloud your mind—just play your heart out, like you do every time.” His words resonate with me, pushing back the self-doubt that threatens to creep in.

“Ri, you’ve worked your ass off for this moment,” Joe chimes in, giving me a playful nudge on my shoulder. “You’re going to absolutely kill it today! And we just happen to have front-row seats to witness your brilliance.” His enthusiasm and belief in me fill me with warmth and motivation.

Nodding, I accept their words with a grateful smile, feeling a rush of confidence. “Thanks, you guys! That really helps. But now I have to ask: what the hell is this?” I say, gesturing pointedly at the Cincinnati jerseys they are both proudly wearing. They burst into laughter, clearly thinking they could charm their way out of my noticing their blatant team allegiance.

“Hey it was a gift from them but believe me I would wore yours if I could” Ja'marr gives his excuse. I turn to Joe waiting for his.

“I'm from Ohio.” he gives the most obvious answer—typical Joe.

------

Against all odds, Joe delivered a flawless pitch after the pregame festivities and the stirring national anthem. I could feel the excitement coursing through me—this was my moment, my MLB debut.

As they called my name, I heard Joe and Ja’marr erupting with cheers from their private suite through the crowd their support only boosted my confidence and set the stage for what was about to happen.

I locked in my focus, ready to face the pitcher. He glanced at the runner on first, then turned his gaze to me and wound up for the throw.

The pitch came rushing straight at me! I instinctively jumped back, narrowly avoiding it. “One ball, no strikes.” But that wasn’t a mistake; he wanted to rattle me. Too bad for him—I’m not easily shaken. 

I reset myself, gripping the bat firmly, ready for the next challenge. The pitcher checked the runner again and delivered another pitch.

This time, he made a crucial misstep—an offspeed pitch! I saw it coming, and without hesitation, I swung with all my power. The crack of the bat was electric, and I sent that ball soaring out of the park. A home run on my very first hit! 2-0, baby! Now that’s how you make an unforgettable debut. 

-------

We won only by the skin of our teeth 5-4. I had just changed out of my away uniform into some sweets and a hoodie when I heard a knock on my locker room door. 

“It's open” I shout, not feeling like walking to the door. 

The door opens and Joe pops his head in “Hey can I come in?” 

I waved my hand “Yeah come on” 

 He steps in closing the door behind him “Getting ready to head out just wanted to say you looked great out there today” he compliments. 

“Thanks, I had to show off a bit, you know. Oh! I meant to give this back to you, but everything just happened so fast,” I said, remembering his chain that he gave to me to wear on Daft Night. But I never did give it back to him. If I remember right, I was in my gym bag. Bingo pulled it right out. 

I went to hand it back to him be he stopped me “Keep it Ri” 

 “Huh?” I said making sure I heard him right. This boy is crazy.

Joe cracked a little smile “Keep it...believe me I've got plenty”  

I looked at him to make sure he wasn't joking “You sure cause this is worth more than my signing bonus” I joked nervously.

He smiled and nodded his head “Yeah I'm sure think of it as an ‘I knew you would make it’s gift”.

I smiled “Ok no take takebacks Burrow,” I said putting back in my bag. 

“What are you doing when you leave here?” Joe asked suddenly. I shrugged my shoulders. “It's still early so I'm not really tired. Might just chill back at the hotel. Why what's up?” I answered taking a seat on the bench.

He looks at me for a second then slightly shakes his head. “Some friends of mine wanted to go out to eat and all but Ja'marr had to leave soo…” 

“You want me to go in his place?” I finished the sentence for him. 

This is not anything new. I went to a lot of Joe's events as his plus one back in LSU. And he did the same thing for me. 

“Yeah but if you want to call it a day I understand” he quickly says.

I shake my head with a laugh “No I'll go with you, Joe. Plus it would be nice to get a breather before tomorrow's game” I said, opening up my suitcase. 

“Give me a few to get changed and I'll be right out”

Joe raised his eyebrows “You really could go in what you have on” he said nonchalantly 

Is this boy out of his mind? “Joe I'm not hanging out around people I don't know in a hoodie and sweatpants,” I said looking at him all upside his head.

“Yes, you can cause one where only going to Texas Roadhouse. Two you just finished a hell of a baseball game and have a right to wear this. And if someone has a problem with it then we can go and have our own dinner” he says the confidence just flows out as he says it.

My stomach should have not tightened up but I just love how protective this man is. Biting my lip not knowing what to say except “Alright let's go”

-------

Joe was walking me up to my room after that impromptu hangout session with his friends which by the way all amazing. 

“Yeah I'm definitely paying for this tomorrow,” I said feeling like I was ready to pop. 

Joe gives out a small chuckle “Yeah that makes two of us”  

I give him this funny look “You got time to burn it off, Joe. I on the other hand have to play a game tomorrow” I said pulling out my keycard for my room. “Fair point Far point,” Joe said not disagreeing with me

Stopping in front of my room “This is me” I said turning to Joe “Thanks again for inviting me” I said suddenly nervous as I looked at him and his features pretty blue eyes, dirty blonde hair so silky you could run your fingers through it and not get tangled. To some it up this boy was fine. 

His voice knocked me out of my thoughts “No thank you for coming. I owe you one for this Ri” 

Yeah, a date.

“What’d you say” I saw Joe's eyebrows raise..Did I say that out loud could have sworn I said that in my head. 

“I didn't say anything,” I said quickly shaking my head trying to avoid this conversation at all costs.

“Nah, Nah you said something. What did you say?” he asked stepping a little closer. Looking the other way with a blush on my cheeks “I said a date” I repeat my words still not looking a him. 

He stood there with the biggest smirk on his face “I still didn't hear what you said say it again and this time” he paused to gently grab my chin “Look at me” 

Soaked absolutely Soked straight through.

Unable to move I said it again looking straight dead in his eyes “A date. You owe me a date” 

Joe nodded his head and let my chin go “That's what I thought you said” he said stepping away from me. “Ok, how about this. If you get to the World Series which I know you will I'll take you on a date” he said proposing a challenge or more like a bet. “Ok and if I don’t,” I said waiting for the catch no pun intended. 

“Then I still take you on the date’

[kalira]

The Yowl of a Dragon

T; 2.1k Ryuunosuke/Naoki (Masato (Ryuunosuke’s father)/Ayano)

Ryuunosuke's soulmark - and his soulmate - bring a series of surprises to his parents over the years . . . but in the end, they're all good ones.

My Valentine’s Spectacular is supposed to be self-indulgent fluff, after all, right? >.> Why not feature a tiny ship for a tiny fandom of a mostly-forgotten OVA?

[sisterdivinium]

sisterscell is now ready and open! :)

Or, rather, it's open for interested parties to join and be able to read my WN fanfic whenever AO3 goes down for a few moments. I'm not sure that I'll alter the Members Only control any time soon and I am not inclined towards going back and adding warnings to the stuff I forgot to warn for (oops), but it's there after a few days' feverish work and one need only click the join button if one is ever so inclined.

Now I am going to vanish from the internet because we are almost at page 90 of the teenagers AU and our favourite tragic ladies haven't even kissed yet so we absolutely must work to allow them that much!

[citriarchive]

i've been writing a song for a little while now and i just find the progression from naming it "SONGTITLE_ITERATION" to "[song title] is never finished it just stops moving" and "[st]infijsm 2 electric boogaloo" really funny for some reason

this is the one (1) thing keeping me sane rn

[isalisewrites]

A Deep Dive into JKR's Terrible, Amateur Writing - Reflective Interlude

Hello and welcome to my ballsy series where I will prove to you, dear reader, that J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series and resident Twitter TERF, is actually a very, very poor writer.

And when I say ‘poor writer,’ I’m talking about her prose, her sentence structure, and her scenes in the Harry Potter series. I am not going to discuss anything about the HP world nor the overall plot of the books. 

This is all about the nitty gritty in the craft of writing itself.

Part One Link.

Part Two Link.

However…

Hiya! *waves* I’m Isa, the author of this… Actually, I dunno what to call this series anymore. Anyway, thus far, you’ve heard a very satirical tone from me in the previous two posts, but that’s not my normal tone. I’m a rather laid back kind of gal with a side of sarcasm and deluge of emoji usage.

I have used quite a confident, even bombastically obnoxious tone in the effort to be entertaining and engaging with these posts. It was meant to be playful and sarcastic. It’s the internet, so I’m aware everyone’s attention is… kind of like a commodity, unfortunately. Look at TikTok or YouTube. How long does a 30s video hold your attention before you’re scrolling to the next? It depends for me, I’ll admit. People don’t have the attention span for long style posts such as these and that’s fair. Sometimes, I don’t either.

Thus, I used repeated ‘catch phases’ to maintain a rhythm and a thematic style through the series with a controversial title meant to hook a reader. I repeat the opening, even in this post. I repeat ‘Class is in session’ to show the beginning of the major section of the post.

However, in this interlude, I’ve toned it all down because I wanted to give you a window into my heart, my purpose, and my intent in this series. It is a reflective post that ends with writing motivation to you, my dear reader, as well as links to writerly resources. 

I’ve had a lot to think about this week and I realized that many writers (and other creatives) have to battle against an enemy found within themselves. This enemy often torments many with cruel, destructive thoughts; they burrow their way into so many writers’ minds. It whispers: “Can you really do this? Are you really sure you’re any good? Aren’t you just fooling yourself? They’re going to find out you’re just a fraud. So… why bother?”

Whose voice is that?

Let’s talk about the destroyer of creation, Imposter Syndrome, why I refuse to let the bastard infect me anymore, and why my confident tone in previous posts has grated nerves.

Remember: take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.

(This means I write my posts with the honest acceptance and expectation that not everything will fit with your style, your vibes, or your personality. That’s okay.)

All right, let’s buckle up, my dear writing friends. Grab a snack. Hydrate. Let’s begin. And yes…

Class is in session on this little Tumblr post… should you wish to attend.

Having confidence or pride in one’s work seems to be taboo. Any brief moment in time where I tried to be proud about my writing or say, Hey, I’m a good writer, I was always told to be humble. “Don’t be prideful. Be humble.” It would often chip away at my self esteem. I could be a good writer, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel like a good writer.

But no more.

I have only given myself permission to be confident about my writing within the past month. This is why I started this series in the first place. I wanted to share knowledge and in an entertaining way. I make a bold claim that I’m a better writer than JKR; I analyze her writing to both improve my own understanding and to help others as well.

However, this does not mean I’ve ever been under the delusion I’m perfect. Absolutely not. God, that’s so fucking laughable! I am not perfect. I am not a perfect writer. I definitely don’t know everything. Someone once corrected me, informing me that snakes are venomous, not poisonous. Bless them, wasn’t aware of that. Immediately fixed that. One of the recent reblogs said geodes do not contain emeralds. God bless, I didn’t know that, though in the case of how it was used in TBG, I won’t be changing it since it’s within a character thought.

Sorry, Tom. I guess you need to take a geology class, too.

Ugh, and I have so many godforsaken typos. My soul withers when I catch a typo after I’ve posted a chapter. I miss things all the time. I repeat things because ‘that’s my thing’ and I don’t always catch them in my edits. I forget things all the time. Thank GOD for Dede, someone who loved TBG so much she spent countless hours archiving data from it, where she caught a number of inconsistencies and alerted me to them. I still haven’t been able to fix them yet, but I’m so grateful to her. I’ve noted them all down. Harry’s height often is incorrectly implied to be taller than it should be because my brain isn’t wired for imagery. My brain forgets TBG Harry is a short king at 5’4” while TBG Tom is 6’2” and I need to go back to fix all of those. 

I am not a perfect writer and I don’t claim to be.

My goals with this series are to study/learn for myself, teach/share knowledge with others, and learn some more from this experience. I love this kind of analysis. But there’s difference between my analysis of JKR’s writing and a number of those who have retaliated with an analysis of my writing. 

Instead of looking at my imperfections with the desire to learn from them, they were illuminated in the attempt to ‘take me down a notch.’ To those who put in the effort to make counterpoints, I do thank you for your contribution to this series. It is appreciated, even when given impolitely and with the intent to ‘put me in my place.’

Despite all of my errors and imperfections, I still stand by my statement: I am a better writer than J.K. Rowling.

Do you know who else is a better writer than her? I could list thousands of them. They’re fanfiction writers. They’re indie authors. They’re other traditional published authors. They are so many other writers that, yes, I do think are stronger writers than JKR. 

And you’re a better writer, too, so long as you wish it.

I sincerely want you to believe that.

Why? Because it’s clear within the Harry Potter series that JKR did not make attempts to grow as a writer. She just wrote. Perhaps she was under deadlines, but the lack of editing is pretty apparent to me. When you write a lot, you will inevitably get more skilled over time, but you have to actively be seeking improvement to see drastic change in your own skill. It is this lack of drive that I see within her work. She’s not making attempts to push the boundaries of her abilities and skills with each new book.

I’m not at the end of my journey of learning. I never will be. I love expanding my skills. I’m even learning during the process of writing these posts, too. I’m seeing more weaknesses in my own work and I’m now thinking on ways to strengthen my writing even further.

That’s the point of this series.

In the end, it’s not really about me. No, really, it’s not about me. I truly think it’s about the jealousy of seeing another writer be confident in their work. You see, I’m not supposed to be confident; I’m not supposed to act like I can help and teach others to write. How dare I. Posting anything about my work is an act of attention seeking. I’m supposed to be ‘humble.’ I’m supposed to be silent. I’m supposed to wave a shy, dismissive hand at compliments.

Why?

Why is being proud of one’s work and loving one’s own work such a controversial idea?

Imposter Syndrome often cripples creators. There’s already so much self doubt and anxiety in the world, but Imposter Syndrome can really wreck with a creator’s mind. It’s a poison. It stops you from creating what you love most. When you believe you aren’t good enough, then it becomes harder to try. Your belief becomes truth to you, whether or not it was true in reality in the first place. Perhaps, you sink into depression. You become anxious about sharing anything, for fear anyone might say even the slightest negative comment. The heart becomes fragile and brittle, and the muscle which builds skill atrophies over time. You see your work through a lens of self hate. You can only see flaws.

“I will never be good enough.”

When you’re in this state of mind, it’s hard to see the truth about your work.

But let me promise you something: your writing is far more beautiful than you realize.

In spirit, all creative writing is perfect to me with all of its typos and mistakes (yes, even all of the Harry Potter books!), but no single work is objectively perfect. There will always be room to improve your creation because you’re constantly growing. It’s why so many aspiring novelists fall into an endless cycle of editing their first few chapters. The more they write, the more they improve; thus, when they go back to their earlier chapters, they get stuck trying to update those chapters instead of pushing forward to the finish line.

Your work is valuable, no matter what. It’s beautiful. You’re allowed to love your work. You’re allowed to see the good in it and you’re allowed to have confidence in yourself. You’re allowed to say to yourself and to others, I’m a damn good writer.

You deserve to have love, for yourself and for your art.

I have often sincerely complimented other writers and, many times, after they respond with their thanks, it becomes clear to me they’re not confident in their work, yet they have still bravely shared it with us.

I’m so proud of them. Thank you for your bravery.

My heart breaks for them, too. They’re such good writers—such damn good writers. And I wish they knew and believed this.

I will always do everything in my power to encourage others.

How do you feel about your writing? Do you like your writing? You should. You really should because it is good. You created it, after all. There will always be space to grow and refine your craft, of course, but you are a good writer now. You’re going to be a better writer tomorrow and the next day, so long as you desire this growth in yourself. There’s no destination, though. There’s no magic level you have to reach before you’re allowed to have some confidence in yourself and your abilities. The only trap to avoid is remaining stagnant. Writing is a skill. Writing is a craft. This means it gets better through study and practice.

You can achieve that.

I know it’s hard, though. There are so many naysayers in life. There are so many people waiting to attack and bring others down, both on the internet and in our own families. How many precious fanfics have been lost because a writer received horrible, hateful comments? How many writers have disappeared from the internet because of this cruelty? We have lost many in all fandoms. That is unacceptable to me.

Uplift others. Spread love, not hate.

You’re allowed to be proud about your work, imperfect as it may be. Please, I beg you, don’t let the negative voices of others—including your own!—drag you down and steal the joy of creating. I know it’s so very, very hard to stand strong against such voices. Words have power, but you have more. Resist the naysayers.

What you have to offer the world is precious. Please lift your head and acknowledge that what you create is good. It’s great. It’s amazing. It’s fucking fantastic. You’re not an imposter nor a fraud. No one can offer what you can to the world. No one can write the stories you have in your head the way you can. Your style is unique to you. You’re allowed to love it as it is now and you’re allowed to love it whatever form it takes in the future.

Imposter Syndrome is a thief; toss it into jail and throw away the key.

My writing is not perfect and it never will be, but I’m a better writer today than I was ten years ago. I’m a seeker of my own growth. I’m often reading books on writing and watching YouTube videos on writing. I absorb it all because writing is my truest love and passion. My style has evolved from reading endless amount of novels and fanfics. I devour both. 

But I wasted a decade thinking I didn’t have what it takes.

And life is short. I can’t waste anymore time.

Don’t be like past Isa, please.

There’s a difference in refinement between an episodic fanfic posted over the course of years and a traditional novel published in whole, but I still stand by my work. I recognize my style will not be enjoyed by all those who read it. It’s okay if you don’t like my style. I’m eternally grateful for the many readers who do love my writing. I’m humbled and honored by the sheer volume of people who have commented, bookmarked, and have left kudos on my work. Thank you.

My style has evolved into what it is today due to a combination of two things.

I have ADHD. It’s why my style uses smaller paragraphs as a whole.

I have aphantasia. I lack a mind that can visualize pictures. I literally cannot see anything in my mind. When people say, “I can picture it in my mind,” that’s not me. I cannot at all. When there’s a lack of description in prose, it feels blank and empty to me. This is why I use vivid descriptions in the way I do because otherwise I feel nothing from my work.

It’s okay if this style doesn’t work for you. I love my style because it caters to what I need. I also love other styles that don’t use as much description; however, I can’t always follow what’s happening because of the wiring of my brain. I can get lost sometimes, but I still appreciate their style because I can’t effectively do what they can.

If you find no value in my style and what I offer in this series here, then that’s okay. I’m not offended. This series is for those who benefit from it. For you, there are so many other writers out there from whom you can learn and I’m more than happy to send you in the direction that benefits you the most.

Here’s a list of YouTubers you might find interesting.

ShaelinWrites has been working on many unpublished projects through the years and has lots of great discussion videos on writing.

Abbie Emmons is a self published author with solid writing advice in all of her videos. 

Alexa Donne is a traditionally published author with great insider information into the traditional publishing world. 

Ellen Brock is a professional editor. She knows her stuff.

I hesitantly suggest Jenna Moreci and her content on YouTube because I think she has some major weaknesses in her writing. Many others have seen this about her books. However, she is a successful indie author and her YouTube content has a lot of value.

Brandon Sanderson has an entire college course in a playlist on his channel. It’s a fabulous free resource if you vibe with his style of writing. Highly recommend. 

Here’s a list of writing books I recommend.

Elements of Fiction Writing, a five book series. My TOP recommendation is Elements of Fiction Writing - Beginnings, Middles & Ends.

Sin and Syntax: How to Craft Wicked Good Prose

Let the Crazy Child Write!: Finding Your Creative Writing Voice

Novelist's Essential Guide to Crafting Scenes

All right then.

Thank you for sticking around. I hope you accept this post in the good faith it was given and was always given in the previous posts. Next post, I’ll be returning to my playful satirical tone. Hehe~!

Please do the world the greatest of favors and write. Create. Share your fanfiction. Become best selling authors, traditional or indie. I promise you’re far more capable and skilled than you realize.

Until next time.

Isa

[charmedreincarnation]

Charm !!!! I owe you everything thank you. I used your theta state method and got into the void state and reality shifted with it. Sorry if my English is not good, it’s not my first language but I did manifest it was better in the void so please tell me if it’s better! I dmed you so you know who I am but I want to stay anonymous. Basically I played the theta waves like you said to. I repeated I am, And just cried because I couldn’t live like this anymore. When I got to the symptoms I imagined myself in water and they went away. This was where I always got stuck but once I pushed past this I got sucked into myself and ended up in a very weird state.

Anyways I ended up in a lucid dream and after reading your lucid dreaming guide I closed my eyes like you told us to and I was in the void state. I affirmed my list and then intended to go to my waiting room just to see if it worked and it did!! I sobbed for like 10 minutes seeing all my comfort chracters in my wr and the fact that it’s real.

I came back & eveything was here.

My void state list was

-master manifesting and being a fast shifter

-my parents winning the lottery, I took that inspo from you so thank you

-df and db

-eventually meeting my sp

-subliminal playlist results immediately just by looking at the title

-being very smart and having near perfect English after having to use a translator for so long (please tell me if it’s better btw)

-I won a New York lottery where I get 2k a week after taxes for life! I’m about to go to college this autumn so this is so exciting I can have my dream college experience

-acceptance to NYU

-revised my abusive family. I have my dad a hug for the first time and for the first time ever he doesn’t hate me. I cried and he was very confused as I revised the past but not my memory

-& a lot more

Regardless I just want to say it took me 2 yrs. Thank you so much charm for always answering my annoying repetitive asks nicely and telling me to accept I am god. I’ll be back soon, I wanna give back to the community but I’m going to live my life for a while. Thank you guys for everything 😇😇

To anyone doubting is this is real it is. No matter how bad your life is or how impossible it seems like charm says we are god!!! This is something you told me that really helped accept it. In the dms you said “I don’t know how or why it’s real, I have done my own research and have come to my conclusion on why this phenomenon is possible but you shouldn’t care bc it’s yours and you have access to it. Be the first person to do it if you think it isn’t real, because you can”

So i fucking decided I don’t care if everyone lied in this app !! I will be the first person to enter the void. Well now I know it’s real so everyone was telling the truth but I will tell this to everyone. Be the first to get your results if you have to. Good luck everyone 🖤🖤

Omggg periodt !!!!! Congrats on your success anon!!! I just saw your message and I’m literally so happy for you 🥹🥹I feel like a proud mom and I hope you have an amazing time at NYU 💓💓 also omg yes your English is perfect !!!!

don’t thank me for anything You did all the hard work yourself and now you’re reaping the benefits :)!!! Whenever you come back I’d love to hear your shifting experiences but until then have fun 🤩

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

favouritism

summer adventures and simping

mark estapa x f!reader social media au

warning: swearing, sexual innuendos if you squint

liked by _maggiepilibosian, nolan_moyle and 1,294 others

ynofficial: my proud mother photo dump that didn't make the umich cut

psa: i tried to maintain a 'no bias' policy

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dylanduke25: I'M NOT IN THIS WHYYYYYYY 😭😭😭

ynofficial: i'm gonna give you a whole post i promise duker

dylanduke25: wait...are you gonna post THE photos???????

ynofficial: 🤫🤫

lhughes_06: dylanduke25 you're literally in two photos

dylanduke25: oh silly me i didn't recognise myself

nolan_moyle: me and duker are the favourites in this!!!!!

ynofficial: why is always a question of my favouritism with you guys

markestapa: you know why 😏

ynofficial: ok mr only in this once 😐

adamfantilli: i look like a child

ynofficial: you were 17 at the time of the photo so you kind of were...

luca.fantilli: FACTS

nblanks98: i'm the first one and i have a whole photo to myself so i'm obviously the favourite

markestapa: no

nblanks98: yes

markestapa: no

dylanduke25: i'm the favourite actually, i'm gonna have my own post

nolan_moyle: dylanduke25 we have equal numbers of posts my dude

dylanduke25: nolan_moyle but i'm gonna have a whole post

markestapa: but i'm still the favourite

dylanduke25: YOU WISH

markestapa: you get a whole post? watch the summer posts start coming in and then we'll see who's the favourite 😜😜

ynofficial: i never thought i'd say this but please don't fight over who is my favourite. my favourite is _maggiepilibosian obviously

_maggiepilibosian: i'm just THAT girl 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

ynofficial: you absolutely are 😘

markestapa: 😦

edwards.73: ynofficial i do have to say that i am MORTIFIED by me in these

kienandraper: it's the horrific dad pose isn't it

edwards.73: YES!! IT IS!!! I AM APPALLED

markestapa: dw you're still cute

edwards.73: tell me something i don't know, estapa, and then get back to me

markestapa: fuck me what crawled up your ass and died this morning

edwards.73: regret. that's what.

ynofficial: are you hungover?

edwards.73: yes

ynofficial: whatever will you do?

edwards.73: please can you get me a glass of oj

ynofficial: i'm sending mark up i'm trying to find dylanduke25's photos

lhughes_06: and i'm not in this because??? 🤨

ynofficial: i'm saving your photos for the summer for clout

lhughes_06: smart 🙌

nblanks98: i just reread the caption and are you implying that you're proud of me for cooking two separate dishes????

ynofficial: yes. you have yet to send me a photo of your special pasta bake that looks edible.

nblanks98: IT IS EDIBLE

nolan_moyle: it's really not

liked by tyler_duke, graciebrns and 1,913 others

ynofficial: title-weforgotwehadtohandinanassignmentandthenightbeforewegothammeredanddylanrangmeatfourinthemorningpanickingsowedidthisonthewaytosaidclassandwewerebothviolentlyhungoverandfunfactiactuallypukednexttothetreedylanisleantagainst

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dylanduke25: the only thing i'd change about that caption is that we both only got an hour of sleep before i rang up and didn't manage to sleep the alcohol out of our systems so technically we were still drunk

ynofficial: i'm not gonna lie i forgot about that i think i blacked out

markestapa: i can never forget about that, it was the first time i had to wash your hair in nolan's sink because you had sick everywhere

nolan_moyle: the FIRST? there were more times?????

ynofficial: because the second time was edwards.73

edwards.73: i don't remember that

nolan_moyle: ok i'm sensing a pattern here

nolan_moyle: THIS HAPPENED DURING THE SEASON???

rutgermcgroarty: remember that time eddy came to practice and he had to be dressed by me, decked it in the tunnel, fell on the ice and bust his nose on his hockey stick and therefore had to be excused from practice and escorted to the med centre? it was then

nolan_moyle: that explains a lot actually

lhughes_06: my my my dylanduke25 you're looking absolutely radiant i just want to pinch your cheeks

dylanduke25: the invitation is always open 😘😘

kienandraper: that's a lot to unpack there

_maggiepilibosian: you can say that again

ynofficial: yeah it wasn't our brightest moment

nblanks98: aren't you advertising underage drinking in the comments?

ynofficial: um

this post has been deleted

liked by lhughes_06, kennedyclairewalsh and 2,007 others

ynofficial: IT'S OFFICIALLY SUMMER AND I LOVE (1) MARK ESTAPA

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markestapa: first

edwards.73: omg i love mark too

_maggiepilibosian: aaaaand the favouritism begins!!!

ynofficial: FINALLY

markestapa: i knew i was the favourite dylanduke25 nolan_moyle are you seeing this

dylanduke25: you're her favourite person, not hockey player

nolan_moyle: you're also not her favourite captain

markestapa: you're the only captain??

nolan_moyle: yeah that's the point

lhughes_06: an adorable, sweet-cheeked, fluffy muffin...then there's mark

markestapa: kindness is free 😞 it costs nothing 😞

ynofficial: i can't tell if you're talking about me or the dog

lhughes_06: 🤷🤷

luca.fantilli: at no point camping should anyone ever make that face in the first picture so wtf happened there

ynofficial: i tripped over a log and fell onto a rock and smashed my knee and mark took photos to document the moment

luca.fantilli: r u ok?

markestapa: i patched her up sir 🫡

nblanks98: again with the alcohol??

ynofficial: fun fact! i'm actually 21, i took a gap year so technically i'm a year older than my year group!!!!!

nblanks98: i missed your birthday?

ynofficial: yes but it's ok i forgive you

dylanduke25: mark looks so cute

ynofficial: doesn't he??????? he's just so AHBIGFKJA

dylanduke25: YES HE IS

liked by adamfantilli, jacob_truscott20 and 1,187 others

ynofficial: BLANKS CAN THROW SURPRISE BIRTHDAY BASHES EVERYBODY SCREAM ITTTTTT

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lhughes_06: ITTTTTT

ynofficial: fuck you

dylanduke25: and my invitation was lost was it?

ynofficial: if anybody has any queries, i would like to direct their attention to nblanks98 because he was the one who threw the party and i had zero clue or knowledge to its existence prior to said party

edwards.73: fresh 🥶🥶

rutgermcgroarty: seeing as though mark is at the front in the first photo of clear faces i conclude that he is the favourite

ynofficial: tis true young padawan

dylanduke25: why does everyone look bitable in this i just want to take a chomp out of them why do i want to do that

nolan_moyle: raw sex appeal

ynofficial: ^^

lhughes_06: that's a lot of half-naked people

ynofficial: just the way i like it

lhughes_06: say that again 🤨

ynofficial: i mean...not like that

nblanks98: i thinyk ive sed tbis before but i hope yiou bad a great birthfay and im sorry i missed it

ynofficial: if you apologise one more time i'm gonna hurl

nblanks98: please ont talk abut viut

ynofficial: idk what you're trying to say there

liked by lauren.rodolitz, edwards.73 and 1,196 others

ynofficial: the tri-ality of ma(rk estapa)n

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markestapa: first

markestapa: also: the last photo????

ynofficial: but you look so cute 😔

markestapa: you ALWAYS say that

ynofficial: because you ALWAYS look so cute

adamfantilli: i don't think that's how those bracket things work and i don't think tri-ality is a word

ynofficial: i'm making them make sense

adamfantilli: fair dos

dylanduke25: THE FIRST PHOTO THE SECOND PHOTO AHHHHH

dylanduke25: mark is so bf coded in those and it makes my heart go fast

ynofficial: ME TOOOOOO

edwards.73: PUT SOME CLOTHES ON

markestapa: tbh most of the time i wish we were wearing less iykwim 😉

edwards.73: you're disgustingly horny (fr the photo is so adorable)

nolan_moyle: I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE

ynofficial: nblanks98

nblanks98: that can be arranged nolan_moyle ☝️

markestapa: this is literally the second post from week 1 that has been dedicated to me and to me only dylanduke25 i'm so obviously the favourite

dylanduke25: WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT OF COURSE YOU'RE HER FAVOURITE BECAUSE YOU'RE HER BOYFRIEND!!! nevertheless i am her favourite bestie

kienandraper: i beg to fucking differ i think i take that spot

ynofficial: kienandraper is to me what markestapa is to _maggiepilibosian so that is absolutely correct kienandraper

dylanduke25: not only is that some weird couply shit, but i'm kind of offended

ynofficial: it doesn't mean to say that you're not one of my favourite people though duker, bc you are, i just happen to have a lot of favourite people

kienandraper: actually it's kind of the opposite of weird coupley shit because i knew y/n from class and she then met maggie through me who introduced her to the media side of the team and then y/n met mark

lhughes_06: cute

liked by ynofficial, _maggiepilibosian and 13,186 others

markestapa: if you would have told #1 and #2 mark that he ACTUALLY had a shot with the pretty girl with the camera, he would have been flabbergasted

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edwards.73: SIMP

markestapa: HAVE YOU SEEN HER THOUGH

edwards.73: you don't want me to answer that

markestapa: please don't

dylanduke25: baby mark was adorable what happened? 😔

markestapa: hEY

ynofficial: he's STILL adorable wtf

lhughes_04: the girlies in his comments agree

liked by ynofficial

ynofficial: you thought you didn't have a chance? bro bffr

markestapa: dude 🤨

ynofficial: *deep inhale to maintain sanity* you were (+ still are) the most KJAGSF boy in the world like you just make me hajshfaj

ynofficial: i'm just in disbelief that's all

nolan_moyle: you guys are my couple goals

nolan_moyle: also THE OCEAN PHOTO??? 😭

kienandraper: y/n likes shiny things...but she'd...

ynofficial: damn right i do drapernator...

edwards.73: i'm confused

markestapa: you're confused? i'm fucking confused bro

_maggiepilibosian: (taylor swift)(paper rings)(lover album)(2019)(pastel pink/blue/purple/yellow)

dylanduke25: what is that wet patch on your hoodie markestapa? it's sus

markestapa: water. after YOU threw it at me.

dylanduke25: but that smile on your face, huh? what about that

markestapa: all ynofficial

ynofficial: *dies*

adamfantilli: confirmed that ynofficial is indeed markestapa's favourite

liked by markestapa

liked by mackie.samo, luca.fantilli and 1,810 others

ynofficial: pathetic lack of debate necessary bc this one (markestapa for those unaware) is my favourite (and by pathetic lack i mean you guys were really delulu to think you were my favourite (i'm sorry if this is mean))

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markestapa: i fucking knew it

markestapa: you have a crush on me don't you?

ynofficial: whatever gave it away? 🤔

markestapa: OMG YOU LOOOOOVE MEEE

edwards.73: on a scale of 1-10 how hammered is he rn

ynofficial: solid 8 bc he's in his clingy phase

edwards.73: so glad you're the one dealing with that this time 🤮

edwards.73: also for the caption - girl, we been knew 🙄

dylanduke25: missy what do you mean I'M not the favourite????

ynofficial: you're not my #1 boo

dylanduke25: am i #2 boo?

kienandraper: that's me

dylanduke25: #3? 😢

ynofficial: tied with nolan_moyle, edwards.73 and nblanks98 then yes 😁

dylanduke25: ynofficial it's not ok to have that many favourites in your top 3

ynofficial: my favourites = my rules

ynofficial: or you can be #4?

dylanduke25: nvm 👍👍 i can be 3 👍👍

ynofficial: good boy 👍👍👍

markestapa: 😏😏

lhughes_06: PHONE OFF NOW ynofficial HELP NO STOP IT

nolan_moyle: i am honoured, truly 🙏🙏

nblanks98: as am i 🙏🙏

ynofficial: you're welcome 🙏🙏

lhughes_06: do i mean nothing

ynofficial: no (i don't actually have favourites apart from m and k but the rest are fragile and ik you can handle it) (still like you a lot though)

lhughes_06: it's because i'm devil scum isn't it (like you a lot too (for drunk mark: PLATONICALLY))

ynofficial: yes

edwards.73: but i'm devil scum (i'm ignoring the fragile part)

ynofficial: not yet properly, luke's runs in his blood (probably for the better)

nblanks98: WHAT'S THIS ABOUT BEING FRAGILE I'M A HOCKEY PLAYER

ynofficial: just that you're very bbg

nblanks98: actually i don't want to know

kienandraper: pecs 🤯

markestapa: omg 🤯 such a shocker 🤯🤯🤯🤯

kienandraper: oi

nolan_moyle: what a little studmuffincutiepie that markestapa is

markestapa: captain? 😧 is that legal???? 😧

ynofficial: i thought that NICKname was for nblanks98 only

nblanks98: we fell out momentarily and he's being petty

ynofficial: oh? okay???

[rougepancake]

I need a big boy

Gyomei Himejima x Afab!DemonSlayer!Reader

If you don’t recognize the title, here you go

A/N: Uhh there will be some language used, a little zesty maybe - who knows 👀. Honestly proud of this little idea my brain cell cooked up lol. Also mentions of suicide (please don’t come for me) because it takes place in the suicide forest

Not proofread (😀) I’M SORRY

Summary: Shortly after you join the Demon Slayer Corps you’re sent out on a mission with THE Gyomei Himejima to investigate the melodramatic wonder known as Aoikigahara, but then things start heading south, fast.

“Y/N L/N! HERE ARE YOUR ORDERS!” Your kasugai crow shouted at you, circling far above your head. The sudden noise made you jump with surprise, but you figured that if you wanted to continue slaying demons, then you were to just get used to it. “HEAD TOWARDS AOKIGAHARA IMMEDIATELY!” You stopped dead in your tracks.

Aokigahara?

Just the name alone was enough to make you shudder. It was rumored to be a horrible place, one where many people were lured to their deaths, most likely by demons. They say that its quiet enough to drive a person mad, and that is what drags people deeper into the demon’s terrain. But it was simply too beautiful to go unnoticed, which is why people were just known to go missing there. It’s often said that if you are there just for the scenery, the forest will persuade you to stay. Forever.

But they were just rumors, so there was little to no truth to them… right?

You sighed and looked back up at the clouds overhead. You were only a rookie, so why did they send you to somewhere as dangerous as Aokigahara? Hopefully it wasn’t just a suicide mission.

There you stood, staring blankly at the miles of open greenery ahead of you. You stood no chance against what was in there, you were simply going to die and there was nothing you could do to prevent it.

With your hand firmly on the tsuka of your sword, you took your first steps into the mystical realm that was known as Aoikigahara. It was then that a terrible dread came over you.

You were being watched.

Nervously, you looked around, trying to see if the being was nearby. Yet there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. You freaked out and ran back outside of the thick wooding, only to run face first into what you thought was a tree. (It wasn’t.)

You had been knocked down because of how hard you ran into it, causing you to groan in pain. To your surprise, the tree helped you up. Which was really weird since trees couldn’t move outside of being blown around by the wind.

You rubbed your head nervously and mumbled a ‘thanks’ before raising your head to look up at said tree. When your eyes met his, you freaked out even more.

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE A HASHIRA!” You whisper shouted, afraid that the forest might hear you. You stared at him in awe, ‘He’s so tall..’ you thought to yourself, quickly apologizing and stepping away so he could have his personal space back.

You looked back up at him, noticing his blindness immediately. ‘Why in the hell would they send me out with a blind guy?!’ Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you walked back over to the talk stranger.

“I’ve been looking for you,” his surprisingly deep voice rang out. He looked down at you, stone faced. “I am Gyomei Himejima, the stone hashira. I was told that you practice wind breathing. Is this true?” He had his hands together as he spoke, almost as if he were in a state of prayer.

It made you anxious to think about how you’d been sent out here with a blind and religious nut, but you couldn’t say much, he was much stronger than you after all.

Swallowing thickly, you gave a quiet, “yes, sir” and kept your head down. You didn’t know why you had gotten so timid all of a sudden, like what had gotten into you?!

“Right, off we go then.” He said before disappearing into the terrifying forest that was Aoikigahara.

“Holy shit!- Hey! Wait! Isn’t there going to be any backup?! I didn’t even introduce myself! Come back!!!” You shouted at the trees, knowing that he was long gone now. “Well shit.” You grumbled, taking off towards the trees.

Hopefully you’d be able to catch up to him, or even better, maybe he’d slow down so you could catch up. Either way, you didn’t want to be alone, so you were going to find him as soon as you could.

“What took you so long?” Gyomei’s voice rang out again, causing you to yelp in surprise. “I was starting to think a demon had gotten to you.” You heard his voice, yet you couldn’t see him.

“G-Gyomei?” You spun around and braced yourself, placing your hand on your katana. “Where are you?” With a deep breath, you checked around you once again- maybe you were missing him?

“I’m just a little further out. I think you should see this.” You heard a shift in his voice that made you suspicious of him.

“I can’t. I’ve been wounded.” The demon slayer corps had many code words and terms that were used in case of emergencies, it was often that demons tried to impersonate fellow slayers, so if they didn’t return the code, then they were to die.

“Just remember your concentration breathing and come here.” You let out a sigh of relief and began to head to where he was.

“Alright! I’m on my way o-“ Before you knew it, you were on the ground, pinned beneath an incredibly large being. You coughed at the sudden lack of air, your eyesight slowly fading to black. Quickly, you moved your arm to your sword and unsheathed it. “Wind breathing, third form!” You said weakly, doing your best to stay conscious. “Clean Storm Wind Tree!” And just like that, the creature that had landed on you was twenty feet away from you, unconscious.

You used your katana as a crutch for yourself as you slowly got to your feet. The world was spinning as you glanced back to where you had sent your attacker. Your eyes widened as you noticed the color of his skin. It was unusually pale and covered in strange markings, and his hair was not a natural color by any means.

You were facing a demon.

But demons couldn’t be knocked unconscious.

You rushed forward with the little strength you had left, prepared to cut off his head, but right when you lifted the blade above your head, he caught it.

“You’re a sucker,” the demon chuckled, punching you in the stomach and throwing your katana to the side. “I can’t believe you fell for that, honestly.” He planted his foot on your chest harshly, once again taking the air from your lungs. He giggled as you struggled to catch your breath, your hands slowly coming up to his foot, trying weakly to move it. “You’re adorable though, I may just let you live if you do what I ask~”

Fear spread throughout your body instantly. “G-Go to hell you monster,” you spat, but your threat only caused him to giggle again.

“I love it when you little slayers get all worked up like this.” He leaned in close to your face, his smile growing. “You must not be very strong if you’re not putting up a fight.” There was something about the way he has said those words, it was true, and your reaction showed him it was.

“Now~” he licked his lips. “Do you give up, cutie~?”

You returned his smile, and in one swift movement on your part, the demon was on the ground once again. His eyes watched you curiously as you bolted towards your weapon, how you moved, your well thought out attacks, you were a work of art. He was honored to finally have someone who would be worth the effort of fighting.

Though, he was lost in thought for too long, because you had managed to get ahold of your sword in and cut off his head all within the blink of an eye.

“H-how” the demon mumbled to himself.

You reached down and picked up his head, forcing him to face his murderer. “I may not be as strong as my fellow slayers, but I sure as hell ain’t weak.” You whispered, an evil grin spreading onto your lips, just as he did mere moments earlier. “I hope you won’t underestimate anyone like me in the afterlife,” as you spoke, you dropped his head onto the ground and watched him fade away from existence.

Once you had cleaned yourself up a little, making yourself look decent and picking the grass off of your clothing and out of your hair, you continued to search for Gyomei. Thankfully, he wasn’t too far away. You had found him sitting on a tree stump, hands together and head down in prayer.

“Odd,” you whispered to yourself, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder to signal that you had found him before joining him in prayer.

You didn’t know what he was praying over, so you decided to pray for your safety during the mission. You prayed for Gyomei’s overall well-being and for him to make if out of this mission. He was a hashira, so him making it out alive was much more important than you, as depressing as it was.

When you opened your eyes, he was looking at you, his expression blank like before. You both sat there in silence, staring at one another. “Your name is Y/N, correct?” He asked simply.

“Yes, but I never told you, so how did you know?”

He looked up at the sky mysteriously, a tear sliding down his face as he did so. “I have my ways, that’s all.” All you could do was nod at the strange reply and sit there, it was a calming silence, but there was still something eerie about it.

“Have you found any demons yet?” He looked back at you, tears still flowing down his cheeks. “I-I’m sorry,” you stuttered, “I didn’t mean to interrupt the silence.”

“Yes, I did.” And he left it at that.

“Did you find what we were sent out here for?” Again, he just stared at you in silence. It was as if he was processing the question in his mind, like he didn’t understand it before.

“No, I didn’t.” He let out a short sigh before rising to his feet. “We were sent out here to investigate, but I don’t know what we’re investigating.” He looked over his shoulder, quickly assuming his fighting stance. “Be ready, we’re being watched.”

You stared at him in awe, but it didn’t last long, because you were soon ambushed. Four grotesquely large demons had you both locked in combat. You had managed to slay one of them completely right off the bat, but the second one you faced was much more powerful than the first. It was a challenge to get it done, and you thought you had, until you turned around to face Gyomei and fell to the ground, unconscious.

You awoke in a room that you didn’t recognize, which was altogether pretty terrifying, but the fact that you couldn’t move was even worse. The pain was excruciating, and your legs were numb. You noticed that someone had bandaged you up, but you still had no idea because there were no hints as to who’s house this was.

“Hello?” You called out weakly, hoping that someone would hear you, but with the size of the room you were in, you figured it was at least a mansion. There was no chance, you were stuck.

“You called?” A familiar voice responded, his footsteps sounding out in the hallway. Gyomei opened the door and carefully peered in.

“OhmygodI’msohappytoseeyou” you let out a huge sigh of relief, smiling when Gyomei walked into the room and sat down on the chair beside your bed.

“I was worried back there,” he stated, his hands back together in a form of prayer. “I with the amount of blood you had lost, I’m surprised I didn’t have to call Shinobu-san.”

“How…” you trailed off, looking up at the ceiling so you could think about your next words. “How long am I going to be here?”

“I’m not sure.” Gyomei’s answer was honest, but there was something about his tone that made you feel you’d be here indefinitely. “From what I was able to bandage, your wounds were deep. You may not even be able to walk for a few days. I would like you to take it easy, because your wounds can, and will, tear open.”

“Yes sir.” You heard him make an odd noise at the name, and shortly after, he excused himself because there were things around the house he needed to do.

Right when he left was when it it you. He was blind. And as far as you knew, you two were the only two in the house right now. So how was he able to bandage you? Did he just feel you up until he found your wounds?? You looked down at your stomach, and upon seeing the bandages, you blushed heavily. Had he really bandaged you himself??

Maybe that’s why he was being so weird when he left. Maybe he was married and didn’t want you to think he’s trying to get up your skirt. Or, or, or- maybe he’s embarrassed about what he had to do and because of that, being in your presence makes him nervous..?

“Yeah that’s totally it.” You whispered to yourself.

Just then, someone came though the door. Immediately you turned to see who it was, and to your surprise, you didn’t recognize her.

She was much shorter than Gyomei and had her purple and black hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. Her haori looked like the wings of a butterfly with its markings, in fact, she looked like a butterfly. She moved with grace in each step and took her time coming over to where you were resting.

“Hi hi Y/N-chan!” She greeted enthusiastically. “I’m Shinobu-san and my friend Gyomei told me that you were looking pretty rough!” She stood beside your bed and examined the bandages around your stomach.

“Well he wasn’t wrong,” you tried to laugh it off, but the pain caused you to wince. “I don’t even remember what happened.” You admitted to her, looking away out of embarrassment.

“Now now, did you bandage yourself?” She asked, slowly lifting up your shirt to get a good view of how far your wounds went. You shook your head and Shinobu gigged to herself. Once she had finished examining you, she stood up and brushed off her hands with a kind smile. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. With what I felt, you’ll be on your feet tomorrow at least, just remember to be careful and to take it easy!”

And with those words, Shinobu had left.

You wished you had asked her if she could send Gyomei back into the room, you were incredibly bored and it would be great if you could just talk to him to pass the time.

Sighing, you looked out the window and noticed that the sun was beginning to set. “Good night house,” you mumbled to yourself as you got comfortable.

That night you had dreamt you were healed, and in a much better condition than you were now. You dreamt that you were much more powerful, and beautiful too. But the best part of that dream was what happens behind closed doors with a person who lives alone.

“G-Gyomei~” You were a mess but you couldn’t quite explain why. He was crawling on top of you slowly, practically towering over you with how tall he was. Gyomei placed his hands next to your head and leaned down in close to your ear.

“You called?” He whispered seductively. A gentle smirk graced his lips as he began to kiss you softly along your jawline. You shivered, looking away out of embarrassment. Though, that move only made your neck more vulnerable. “What do you need, Y/N?” The question gave you goosebumps, which you tried your best to ignore, but the sudden heatwave that flushed to your face made it hard to do so.

“Y-you,” you mumbled shyly. “I need y-you, Gyomei.” He smiled at your words and slowly raised his body from yours. He carefully sat up and pulled you into his lap, your back against his chest and his hands resting on your waist.

He buried his head in the crook of your neck as his hands moved up to unbutton your shirt in the most teasingly slow way possible. “Just let me take care of you darling.” His breath was hot against your bare skin, which only made you shiver in anticipation.

“Y-yes sir.”

You woke up to find yourself saying his name. You were flushed and covered in a thin layer of sweat from the wonderful dream that you had been torn from. Slowly pulling the covers over yourself, you looked around the room, hoping that no one had heard your little… incident.

But your heart stopped completely when you saw Gyomei’s figure in the hallway. He looked mesmerized just as you looked terrified. You hurriedly hurried yourself underneath the blanket and mumbled an apology since you assumed you had woken him up.

You wanted to be able to die of embarrassment so badly, but sadly you were forced to face the consequences of your stupid little dream.

The sound of footsteps reached your ears, making your heart rate skyrocket. They stopped before your bed and you could sense his stare, burning through the covers.

He squatted down to your level and slowly pulled the blanket off of your head to reveal your more than red face. Gyomei leaned over to your face and let out a short sigh. “You called?”

[delta-pavonis]

I would love to hear more about Raspberries and Rum?

*cackles*

OKAY. So this came from a conversation that I had with @wordsinhaled in, no joke, NOVEMBER 2022. And I still haven't written all of it. BUT some of the bits from our conversation are goddamned SOLID GOLD and I am cracking myself up all over again reading the transcript. [Important background science here (just read the title).] Here is me just copy-pasta-ing from Discord with no indication of who is saying what:

hob getting wasted on dream’s jizz because he tastes like a good mixed drink suddenly a thing i need to see Hob as New Inn bartender keeps trying to make a new rum cocktail with raspberry flavor and no one understands why referencing it makes Hob blush, it is just a reference to that cool space data, right? now suddenly need a 5+1 where hob keeps making dream trial raspberry rum cocktails until they find the Perfect One and dream is very bemused Gotta keep going back and comparing to the actual source material apparently raspberry season in the UK starts in june where he’s like fucking. up handmaking raspberry simple syrup in the middle of the night and dream is like “ah, offerings” Because, honestly, he is technically trying to figure out a way to have everyone who orders the drink get drunk on something that tastes like his husband's jizz? And I find that fucking hilarious? Definitely deranged Hob humor mainly because he’s like, do i want everyone to suck your dick? this is reserved for me but do i want everyone to know the JOY of this taste? perhaps However, first time a university student of his orders the cocktail, once it is on the menu, Hob has A Moment of Regret™️  just a moment though i wonder if dream is aware he tastes like this or if he just. came up with the most reasonable taste he felt he would have when composing his physical body, which of course would be nothing like human and of course some esoteric shit like didn’t even think about it once so he keeps trying this drink and being like yes my very competent bartender husband perfecting his fancy raspberry drink i am so proud but hob is looking perpetually more glinty around the eyes each time he gets closer to the mark and dream is like, cottoning on that Something Is Up eventually dream is like “there is some... significance here. that i am missing.” and hob has to turn around and hide his face in his hands because somehow he never thought he’d have to Explain what he was doing especially because i feel like this would be some shit hob would try to do one time in the middle of the night while planning the summer drinks menu and then somehow he’d be neck deep in recipes from google weeks later but then dream is fucking. super out of left field when he finds out like... “you are crafting a libation. to me.” and hob is like uhhhhhhh no???? not actually???? am i??? I mean... just... based... on you? Hob will argue semantics on this dream is like you’re distilling my essence into a drink that all your patrons will imbibe and hob is like uhhh maybe? uuuhhh... maybe I am? okay but dream like THAT’S KIND OF HOT and hob is like I WASN’T TRYING TO BE HOT I WAS BEING STUPID and dream is just. yes. my husband can be very stupid. and very hot "These two things are not mutually exclusive, my dear Hob." of course this has to culminate in “you mean to tell me you don’t know you taste like raspberries and rum? you just made yourself taste all... lovely and you had no idea?” “i had not the faintest idea, indeed.” “you’ve never...?” “i have had no occasion to... sample myself, as it were.” “sample... jesus. alright. what are you, an hors d’oeuvre at the department party?” “no. but it seems i could be its signature drink.” DREAM IS A LIL BITCH hob’s inner exhibitionist cackling at forcing his staid ass colleagues to drink this drink while dream broods in the corner indulgently eyeing his antics everyone like “wow robbie this is a GREAT cocktail mind if i nick the recipe off you” and hob is like “ah no actually, it’s a bit of a jealously guarded secret” NO. Dream overhears and that's how he introduces himself, the little shit "And you are?" "Oh, I am Hob's Jealously Guarded Secret."

Here is the first chapter of the 5+1 that is in that WIP file (under cut because NSFW - cw for drunkenness and blowjobs):

One: May

It starts as a joke. A joke in Hob’s head that he doesn’t tell anyone. Because he knows that after this many years walking God’s green Earth that he can have a slightly warped sense of humor. 

So Hob keeps his motivations to himself and dusts off his bartending skills, back from when he had just opened The New Inn and was still getting the staff up-to-snuff. And then he sets to work. 

He has to figure out the rum first. Actually, Hob knows exactly which rum he would like to use, the second batch of ron miel honey rum by Destilerías Arehucas produced shortly after they opened on Gran Canaria island in 1884, but as far as he can tell there are only three bottles of it left in the world and they are all in his personal collection. 

So Hob called some friends and obtained as wide a variety of current lines of Canary Island honey rum that he could manage. He bided his time until the next Friday night, poured out a shot of each in a row on his coffee table, and proceeded to get fantastically pissed.

(Could Hob have sipped and spit out the liquor as he tasted them? Sure. Was this more fun? Absolutely.)

It was only after Hob was well toasted that Dream sidestepped into his living room. 

Hob was off the couch and on his knees in front of Dream before he even really decided what to do with his drunk-ass self. He was nuzzling into the fly of familiar black jeans and Dream was letting out a surprised hiccup of a moan and Hob was pretty sure his brain had dissolved into giddy bubbles of lust and want.

Long fingers wound into Hob’s hair and held him there as he rocked forward, purring, “Why hello to you, too, Hob Gadling. I did not expect ah!” A gasp when Hob started peeling away the clothing. “Expect quite this manner of hospitality upon my arrival.”

“Gotta…” Hob had the single-minded determination only liquor could provide. “Need to check…”

Dream made a curious hum of an inquiry at that, but Hob didn’t have time to explain. The taste of the rum was already being diluted by all the saliva pooling in his mouth and he needed to compare them. 

It had been just over a year since His Stranger had walked back into his life. Slightly less than that since they realized what absolute idiots they were for each other. It was enough time, given the many many repetitions Hob had to practice, for him to get really fucking good at getting Dream off with his mouth.

Hob, in his infinite need to stroke his own ego, had timed it once. Well, more than once. Many times actually. The current record was 143 seconds from first press of lips to spend. Hob drunkenly thought he could do better than that. Not that he had his phone handy. Ah well, that wasn’t a good reason to not try.

Dream finished getting hard in Hob’s throat, sobbed as Hob swallowed repeatedly. His lover was shaking with it already, Hob preened distantly, and moved to press the tips of his fingers just so into Dream’s perineum. Another press and stroke behind Dream’s balls, this time while Hob sucked with his entire lung capacity as he backed away, and then the Lord Morpheus was coming with a strangled shout right onto Hob’s tongue.

Hob savored it for a moment, eyes closed, cataloging the taste, before swallowing and scrabbling away from Dream to the table. He grabbed the bottle of what he thought was the best flavor match and took a pull from it.

“Oh yeah,” Hob’s ass hit the floor with a thump. “That’s it.”

[aita-blorbos]

Aita for… uh, w- well, a lot of things, really, but um, primarily I guess my biggest ah… mistake, let’s say, mistake is a good word, for um… trying to kill my friend?

uh, Hello! I (oh people usually put their age and gender here, right? Umm, well, I’ve been alive for a while I guess, not really sure how long, and gender, I… don’t really have one I suppose! Being a robot and all, ai, genderless… but- but I do like to think of myself as a guy! Sometimes. So, yes, male, final answer- I’m rambling, I’m rambling again) was stuck in this awful facility, a truly dreadful sort of place ran by- by her and I needed out so I woke up one of the smelly- ah not smelly, shouldn’t say smelly, that’s rude, really, sorry ‘bout that, just woke up one of the humans to help me out. Now, this human… she likely had just a liiiiitle bit of serious brain damage, having been asleep for so long, but man alive could she jump! Amazing jumper she was, able to traverse the whole facility! We ran into a few issues, accidentally waking up her and restarting the testing tracks, but I was able to hack in and help my friend escape! Very proud of that, I am. Oh this girl and I, we were like two peas in a pod! The two musketeers! Best of friends! I’d tell her to run right and she’d go right, you know? We took down her together and even put me in charge of the facility, me!

The issue is, uh, small issue, since I was so bloody massive, I couldn’t exactly escape anymore and well, the power of being in charge of everything sort of… went to my head. I made some mistakes I truly regret and… I hate to admit it but I became like her. I don’t know why, really, I suppose it was just being connected to the mainframe, I needed to test all the time! It was like some sort of itch, I just… I NEEDED her to test for me and when she completed one it was pure euphoria! I was on cloud 9, just pure bliss, but it started wearing off and I got… irate. I shouldn’t have taken it out on her, she was just doing what I told her, but, well, as the title says, I ended up trying to kill her. It was a stupid decision, shouldn’t have done it, complete lapse in judgement on my part, but it’s all good! She survived! Strong woman I tell you, very strong. Took a bomb, well, five bombs to the face and still stood up afterwards! Long story short, I got thrown into space and she was put back in charge and my friend lived.

Now, I’m just wondering, as I type this from space, orbiting earth, if I was the butt here? I mean, I would never usually think the way I did back then! I do believe I was not at fault for what I did, but I still feel… really bad. I’m so truly sorry for being so mean, and monstrous, and evil and… I’m just sorry. I think I know I’m the butt at this point, so I guess this is just my way of saying sorry, even though I doubt she’ll ever see this.

If- if you are out there, reading this, lady, I’m truly, 100% sorry, and I… just, please don’t hate me?

[heartnosekid]

well, friends. i’m sure a good lot of you have seen this post. i was denied today. i have to contact a lawyer and i don't even know how to begin advocating for myself outside of simply contacting the firm an ex-friend of mine used to obtain disability.

if you would rather not read the whole vent, i completely understand. but if you would still like to provide answers or support to me, here are my main issues.

i need advice from others who have been denied disability and have gone through a lawyer to obtain it. i need advice on what to do about getting started with victim advocacy. that's about it, i reckon. i love you all. my dm's are open. you will be blocked if you clown.

and yes, i realize my stim blog is not the place to talk about this. i understand, but this is my largest audience and i feel i would be a fool to not post this somewhere it may be actually received.

tw for mental health talk / long vent under the cut, particularly of the despairing kind, and also mentions of CSA / CSAM, psychosis, and my general disabilities. if this post needs more trigger tags, please let me know and i'll add them.

my whole life i have been treated as if i am not struggling because i can do the bare minimum to keep myself alive. i can survive, but never thrive, and even surviving now has become difficult. i can't feed myself regularly, my guardians do that for me. i can't stand for longer than a few minutes at a time without extreme duress and pain, which makes cleaning, showering, and going out super difficult and beyond draining. i can understand abstract concepts and certain ideas and am emotionally intelligent, but i struggle heavily with understanding money or how government works, particularly when it comes to laws and loopholes. i don't know when i'm "being had", as it were, and others have pointed this out to me throughout my adulthood. it feels as though this entire disability journey has been me "being had". they gave me something to cling on to, the possibility i may be able to receive real help, and it seems as though they basically knew the whole time they were going to deny me again. for the fourth time. i know that is unrealistic but, it does feel that way.

i wrote several full length books when i was a child / young teenager, and had two published. i won't share the titles because i have outgrown what i wrote and find them childish and frankly embarrassing, but everyone upon learning that i have written and had novels published, immediately jumps to the conclusion that i am some kind of self-sufficient, incredibly intelligent and capable person. i have never once been able to effectively take care of myself. without my guardians, i wouldn't be able to manage money, insurance, bills, cars, groceries, among other things. i don't even halfway understand how insurance on anything even works despite having been shown how it works.

i can see something, be "taught" to the best of someone's ability, and i will still not be able to learn. this has been a constant issue throughout my life, and the american public school system has continually helped these issues perpetuate. all schooling has done is teach me how to parrot back concepts and ideas, remember them for a limited amount of time before losing them to the void, and not how to fundamentally understand and learn them or utilize them in daily life. even higher education was like this, and i was not able to thrive throughout my experience with college despite making mostly okay grades (i cheated and lied a lot, okay. i'm not proud of it but i felt i had to get through or i would be severely punished). i had to a sign an agreement that i personally still do not fully understand to "obtain" my associate's degree, and i do not know why despite the fact it was explained to me, in detail. the information has not registered, and i now no longer have anyone that was involved in said agreement to explain it to me. everyone i say this to is like, "what? that doesn't make any sense." and i'm like. yeah. it doesn't, and i have zero ability to explain it to them in a way that makes sense.

i mention my associate's degree because i am sure in some form or fashion it was used against me in the disability process, since i was "able to complete higher education". also it should be noted i did an early college program. also probably has been used against me. also cheated through most of it.

people have always considered my kind of autism to be hyper competent, since it appeared that way when i was a child, despite showing several signs that i was struggling with a math-centric learning disability, called dyscalculia. i have since deteriorated to the point of barely having the knowledge a young adult should have, about how life works financially and honestly in general.

i have extreme fear about what may happen to me without proper assistance. my guardians will be able to take care of me for some time, but after that? that feels like a black hole to me. it doesn't exist nor will it while i am under-assisted, and this black hole fills me with utter despair. i try not to let it permeate my daily life, so as to not dwell in a future that doesn't exist yet and has the possibility for change. but god. it fills me with literal existential dread, and it is becoming so much more difficult to ignore the older i get.

a lot of factors have been used against me my entire life to deny me assistance, and these reasons being yet another factor has really dredged up a lot of shit from my past.

this is besides the point, but i also learned recently that CSAM was made and distributed of me when i was a child and wow. that has hit me in ways i cannot even describe. part of me is like, why was i not allowed to know after the fact, even when i became an adult? i was directly involved. why did no one tell me my abuser was convicted for counts of spreading CSAM, and that they lied directly to the court system about their inappropriate actions with me? i was disenfranchised in more ways than one by more than one person on allowance of my abuser, and i am just now hearing about it. i don't know how to deal and i don't know how to get started with victim advocacy in my area.

but at the same time, whilst being treated as severely more competent than i am, i have also been infantilized relentlessly, by nearly everyone around me. how does this make any sense. i feel incredibly stupid and uninformed and at the same time privy to things about my disabilities others are not, while not being able to effectively communicate it. i feel i am screaming and begging for help, nearly at my wits end with a lot of things, and all of it is reading as "owie booboo" to anyone who could do anything to help. i feel i am falling through the cracks, and i fear having to crawl back up through them. i fear i won't make the trek. i fear i will lose motivation and let myself rot. it feels like no one in a position of power has taken a true effort to really help me and i cannot help or advocate for myself. i am very scared.

on top of all of that stuff, i am withdrawing pretty heavily from cymbalta, experiencing heightened panic attacks every day, PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures), more episodes of psychosis and hallucinating than i'm used to, all of my mental and physical issues are out of control, and now this disability stuff. i also won't be able to see a psychiatrist for...maybe a week or so more, so no bridge meds till then.

these last couple weeks have just really kicked me down. thank you for reading if you got this far. i appreciate you more than you know and i have no idea where i would be without y'all and this blog. i love you all so very much.

-ish

[athetos]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the expectations placed on butch lesbians both inside and outside of the queer community. As soon as I was able to dress myself and pick out my own wardrobe I started presenting masculinely, and while I wasn’t aware of it at the time, I felt a lot of pressure to be “exemplary” as compensation for my lack of gender conformity. I felt the need to prove myself to others, namely gender conforming straight cis people, and pushed myself to excel in school, at my hobbies, and be an all-around “likable” person. As though to make up for my shortcoming of being butch. When my grades inevitably slipped in high school, thanks to a combination of undiagnosed adhd and stress, it almost felt like I lost my identity, my one “redeeming” factor. I became a chronic people pleaser, because I felt if people liked me, they could see past my “flaws.” This is still something that I struggle with today, perhaps even more so now that I openly identify as butch, and feel like I’m representing my community. Some of the worst judgement I’ve faced hasn’t been from loud and proud homophobes, but from the subset of gender conforming cishet women who see me as a threat.

Within the greater queer community, butches are expected to be chivalrous, capable, hardworking, brave, good in bed, strong, and protective. We are assumed to be dominant tops. If you have a problem, a butch is expected to fix it. I embody some of these traits, and am proud of them. Others, not so much. As a submissive bottom, I have to constantly shut down people who expect me to be their aggressive top. The thing is, butches are expected to handle any and everything that comes our way, which is oftentimes far more than we can handle. Would I defend my siblings if it came down to it? Yes, to my last breath. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? The butch martyr. A commonly used fiction trope in queer media, and a common occurrence in real life. I definitely don’t think it’s a bad trope in fiction (my favorite novels all fall into this at some point or another), but it echoes how we are perceived in real life. The expectation that, perhaps, butches have to suffer.

And I resonate with that, which might not be a healthy thing. Hell, the title of my blog at the time of this post is “your local butch Paladin.” But I don’t want to be hard, uncompromising, and brave all of the time. I want to be soft and warm, too. Sometimes, I’m the one who needs protection. We all do. I fear that sometimes butches aren’t respected as people. Sometimes, it feels like we’re just seen as sex objects, or guardians that can carry any burden. I’m not interested in being a full-time caretaker, or the sole rock in a relationship. I want to be taken care of, too.

At the same time that I embrace the expectations placed on me as a butch, I also reject them.

I’m just rambling; I’m not really sure if I have anything original to say. This has definitely all been said before, by writers far more eloquent than me. I just hope you all think about how you treat butches, and question why that is.

[gayf1hoe]

Part 11

After being in the hospital overnight they discharged me in the morning and I'm waiting outside the front for a taxi to pick me up when I see Charles and my mother pull into the hospital parking area. “What are you two doing here?”. “Now, Now M/N that's no way to greet your mother and boyfriend” my mum says. I laugh jovially whilst approaching the back seat door and sit down.

“So how come you two are together?” I ask, wondering why my mother is with my boyfriend whom I only introduced her to less than a day ago, “we decided that we would come and get you together” Charles replies and my mum follows on “anyway enough of detective M/N, how are you feeling now?”. “I feel much better, I have to drink plenty of water, rest and take antibiotics for a week and I should be good to go”.

“Well you won't be training for a couple of days then and that's a direct order from me” my mum says understanding that I simply can't just ‘rest' but the next Grand Prix isn't for 10 days and plus the Las Vegas Grand Prix has to be one of my favourites so I have to perform at my best there.

Remembering that I wasn't there for the podium ceremony I ask them “Who collected my trophy?”, “they sent your engineer Jack to collect it on your behalf” Charles says and I hum in acknowledgement. My mum pulls into the hotel parking area and we arrive quite quickly as the hotel is only down the road from the hospital.

I step out the car and Charles follows next to me and my mum goes to get out the car I say to her “Oh no mum it's fine, you can go back and rest and have fun, I'm just going to bed” and she looks at me and says “M/N L/N since the moment you were born you are stubborn and never take anyone's advice, I know full well you aren't going to rest so I booked a room here to make sure you do”.

I admit defeat and head towards the entrance where I am greeted by George who immediately hugs me and says “are you all good? You had us so worried”, I let out a slight giggle at his intense panic, “Yes I'm fine it was just food poisoning”. When I continue walking I get numerous comments and questions asking how I am and congratulating me for P1 in the last race.

I finally reach my room and swing the door open and immediately see a trophy sat on the desk of the room and I walk over to it and intently look at it. It all just feels so surreal, how can I be a 3 time grand prix winner in my first season?

My mother informs me I must get into bed, so I go into the bathroom and change into some shorts and a T-Shirt and get into bed Charles goes to sit next to me and my mother says “Let's leave him alone he's an impulsive chatterbox if someone is here he will talk and not rest” and before I can say anything they both leave the room.

I decide to watch highlights of the race seeing as I was barely coherent enough to remember any of it, as I sit there just aimlessly watching the race and I am actually proud of myself for how I actually managed to turn the car half the time as I lacked any strength.

After about an hour of just sitting there doing nothing I'm incredibly bored and not tired so I look at my phone and see an article that had seen Charles getting me from the hospital and the title of the article was “FELLOW DRIVER CHARLES LECLERC PICKS UP HIS FRIEND FROM HOSPITAL FOLLOWING EMERGENCY HOSPITALISATION” and a lot of the comments are just “That's so nice of him” and “I'm glad they're friends” and I see another one however this title concerns me more “LECLERC AND L/N SEE OUTSIDE HOSPITAL HUGGING, A POSSIBLE COUPLE?”, and the comments on this post are noticeably onto to something with many saying

“they have been so close all of a sudden so it wouldn't surprise me”

“They have hugged quite a lot and been really touchy with each other”

and others were more dismissive saying “Charles isn't gay”.

I close my phone before it sends me insane, the problem with me dating Charles isn't the fact we are both men it's that, I know he's way more popular than me and he has many different standards placed upon him, and as he hasn't come out to people yet they are bound to blame him turning gay on me, like they did with mick and him being Bi.

I decide that if I sit in this room any longer I may just go insane so I put on some normal clothes and head downstairs through the back staircase, most driver's are just relaxing and as I walk around the back near the sports court Yuki shouts my name which I quickly reply with “shut up are you trying to get me caught” and he quickly pulls a face that questions me. “My mother is here and you know what she's like she's on a warpath to keep in bed” I explain however I don't have to go into much detail as Yuki knows what my mother is like when I'm sick or injured, like that time when I was in F3 and had my first ever crash and went into the barrier and had a sprained wrist from the force she tried to get me to quit racing to which I didn't listen to.

He comes over and asks “So where are you going?” he asks “I'm just going to do some sight seeing”, “do you want me to come with you?” He asks. “No I think I just need some time alone, but thanks for the offer” he nods in acknowledgement and we part ways and I exit through the back exit and head down the street looking at each and every shop and building. There is a mountain in the distance and I challenge myself to walk to it. And after about 45 minutes I reach the bottom of it and decide to take a light walk up it. I meet a group of young American tourists who ask me if I want to join them in walking up the mountain and I agree as they seem like nice people.

One of the guys asks me what I'm doing in China and before I can even reply one of the girls says, “ARE YOU DENSE? HES M/N L/N THE GREATEST FORMULA 1 ROOKIE SINCE HAMILTON” I laugh at her response and thank her for her support.

I quickly make friends with one of the girls called Lucy and we begin chatting about Formula 1 as she's recently started getting into it. “So what are your thoughts on the season so far?” she asks “it's been a great start for me I couldn't have asked for anything better, P1 on the first 3 races of the season has been amazing. She continually congratulates me for my success and tells me how well I have performed.

She then asks me “Why do you hate the media?” This is a question I get asked on a daily basis and have never truly answered until now. “Well growing up I was around Kimi Räikkönen quite a lot as he was a friend of my engineer so he would be around a lot and he sort of told me why the media annoys him so I was able to pick things out a lot easier. And when I was in F3 and a reporter asked me “Do you think racing is ready for a gay driver?” It was my first media interaction and it set the foundation that would be a hate for journalists”.

After an hour we reach the peak of this mountain which isn't very big but bug enough to give you a full view of the city. The guys ask if they can take a photo with me and I say yes to little did I know it would come back to haunt me later.

Now we have reached the top, we head back down the mountain discussing a variety of topics from Formula 1 to education when one of the guys asks me a question I have never been asked before and never even thought to myself “Do you think people look up to you and see you as an inspiration?” I think about it for a minute, genuinely thinking that I could be someone's inspiration, “I've never thought of that before but I would hope that people would look at me and see that if I can do it they can too”.

The walk down is much easier with the downhill gradient playing to our advantage when we reach the guys who give me their Instagrams for me to follow and I do so on the spot. I wish them a great rest of their trip and they wish me good luck for the rest of the season.

I decide to head back to the hotel as the long walk had killed my legs and sneak back in the same way and head up to my room and I jump at the sight of Charles and my mother both sitting on chairs in my room.

“What are you doing in my room?” I ask very quietly “More importantly where have you been?” my mum asks “Just for a light walk to clear my head” I say “Mon Amour climbing up a mountain isn't a light walk and if that's you idea of a light walk I would hate to see your idea of a long walk” Charles adds “How did–” I begin to say, being cut of by my mum “It's all over Instagram you idiot” I laugh at the fact I've been caught out and it reminds me of my childhood of me sneaking out to go to the karting track.

“I was bored out of my mind and felt like if I looked at any of these walls again I would've gone mental, and besides it's not as if I was alone so if anything did happen to me I wouldn't of been alone”

They both stare at me seeing my point of view and accept it and instead of my mother's normal ritual and lecturing me she says “it's all good, you don't have to stay in your room and rest just don't exert yourself” I smile knowing that for the first time in my life I have won against my mum.

We all head downstairs and go out to the pool which is now being used as it's stopped raining and the temperature is now 28⁰c (82.4⁰ f) me and Charles sit on the sunbeds and my mum says she's gonna go and use the spa so me and Charles are left alone watching the other drivers around the pool. We sit in silence for a while when I ask him, “did you see the articles about us at the hospital”, “yeah” he replies. “I think it's time,” he says, “time for what?” I ask. “Time to come out and admit that we are dating”, “are you 100% sure” I question wanting to make sure he isn't feeling pressured into anything. However he agrees that he feels completely ready so we both wrote Instagram posts.

Charles chooses a photo of us hugging at the beach and his caption is the following:

“It's been a whirlwind of a season already, it has been challenging and eye opening. With plenty of opportunities to learn and find out new things.

I guess I would like to begin by saying…

I am gay and dating @M/N_L/N

Whilst I understand this is unexpected and probably a shock to many given the circumstances of which we started off with, I have grown to love him so much and come to terms with the fact I'm gay. Whilst many will assume M/N ‘turned me gay’ this is simply not true, he has simply made me feel comfortable with who I am.

I understand the pressures that I now face being a gay racing driver but I promise that my sexuality doesn't change who or how I race.

Thank you for your support. #weraceasone”

My post is however more my straight forward style with the photo of me and Charles at the drivers party after Monaco and my caption is short and sweet (somewhat):

Caption:

“Me and @CharlesLeclerc are dating.

If you are a homophobe or have a problem with it send your complaints to: getfucked@fuckyou.com.”.

We post them both and not long after all the drivers come over and start congratulating us and hugging us and saying “finally”. Yuki says to Charles “you can have him Monday to Wednesday and I can have him the rest of the week” everyone laughs at this.

After everyone has finished congratulating us we decide to go to dinner at some fancy restaurant to celebrate yesterday's race and we enter this really nice Chinese restaurant.

Whilst everyone is ordering food that has meat or fish in it I'm taking no chances at getting sick again and order a vegetarian meal that means I won't get food poisoning again, and Charles notices and laughs at my anxiety.

Most of the drivers have finished their meals by 9 PM and decide it would be a good idea to go to a nearby theme park.

Me and Charles decided to go off by ourselves and go to a ring toss stand where I fail miserably but Charles wins a teddy bear and gives it to me and I spend the whole night carrying this Teddy bear which has a bright red heart on it.

After a while we reconvene with some of the others and go on this roller-coaster and Charles spent the whole thing screaming and holding my hand with me hysterically laughing at him the whole time.

When we get off it takes Charles a moment to get use to walking again he's stumbling and limping from the dizziness and when Daniel walks past he says “that's how he often leaves M/N's room unable to walk” this leads to lando and Max bursting out into uncontrolled laughter and many people judging them as they walk past.

Charles suggests we head back to the hotel and we leave the others to have their fun. When we hit back to the hotel we both head into Chalres’ room and go straight to the balcony to sit down.

After a while of enjoying the view he breaks the silence and says “I'm glad I came out and can show my love for you even more.

***

We finally land in Las Vegas and I am already in love with the lights and the amazing atmosphere. The past few days have been surreal with both mine and Charles’ team both having no issue with the situation and our fans being supportive. Of course there have been the odd horrible hate comments but they don't really matter.

As we arrive at the hotel we all exit the cars and head to reception and me and Charles try to check in separately and they tell us there's only a reservation for me and that's when the head of accommodation tells us that we are sharing a room and this leads to an echoes of whistles and cheers from the others.

Me and Charles head straight to our room and dump our stuff and head back downstairs for the breakfast buffet as we arrived in the morning and have to be at the track for training and meetings and I have to be there for an additional meeting.

Just 2 days ago I received an email asking me to attend a meeting with the Ferrari team. They didn't say what it was about but I have my suspicions.

After breakfast we all head to the track and get to work with our teams, me and Geogre are sitting in a boring meeting, with Toto waffling on about our strategies for the next race and how well we have done this season. After what feels like an eternity we are dismissed and head to our garage to take a look at our cars. George gets on with some free practice and I go to get my new helmet as my other one was discarded, however it's the same style. I just have to check if it fits and is comfortable, and after that I am free to do what I want.

I check my phone to see the time and it's only 11:30 AM and my meeting with Frédéric is at 12:00 so I decide to just go and sit in catering for 30 minutes, it'd empty and there isn't much food put as they have only really just set it up so I sit on table by myself aimlessly scrolling on my phone.

Time goes by really fast and before I know it I'm walking over to the Ferrari garage and I manage to get past without being seen and I make my way to a door that had Frédéric's name on it and knock, after a slight pause I hear someone say “come in”. I open the door and am greeted by Frédéric who is sitting behind his desk, however when I enter he stands up immediately and shakes my hand.

“Thank you for coming M/N” he says simultaneously shaking my hand, “it's my pleasure” I reply and he points towards the chair I should sit in, I take a seat and he begins to talk.

“Look I'm just going to get straight to the point, you are clearly a talented driver as we have seen this season already. You are championship material and we believe you can do even better with us here at Ferrari. We would invest into your career and make sure you achieve your potential. Also, it would be great for you and Charles to work together, don't you think?”

I nod in agreement and he says “well not to rush you but we will need your answer by next week because we want to be prepared” I stand up and say “thank you” and head for the door, when I get out I lean against the wall and let out a sigh an start walking out when Charles spots me.

“Hey M/N what are you doing here?” he asks “oh I was looking for you I've finished for the day and was wondering if you wanted to get some lunch from catering” I say, to which he replies “sure give me a second to get my phone”.

After 2 minutes he comes out-of his driver's room and he grabs my hand and we walk towards catering and we get numerous comments from other drivers calling us “love birds”, when we get to catering we sit at a table with Pierre, Kika, Alex, Lily, Oscar and Lily (Z). Most of the drivers have brought their partners with them in order to spend time with them.

We are all sit around talking and eating but the guys have to go back to their teams after only 20 minutes as they still haven't finished for the day and Pierre leaves saying “don't steal any of our girlfriends M/N” this causes everyone to laugh as they leave the building and then Kika turns to me and says, “before we start let me formally introduce you 2, M/N this is Lilly Oscar's girlfriend, Lily this is M/N an amazing driver and one of the girls despite being a male”.

We both laugh and say hello and this is when Kika and Lily begin by saying “so updates on the drama”, this leads me to reply with “it's not drama”. Lily then says “Listen I have known you since F2 you downplay everything you got food poisoning, won a race and told the world you are dating Charles Leclerc if that doesn't count as drama I don't know what does”.

I laugh and say “OK chill, there is something that has come up that could cause drama”, “SPILL” Kika basically shouts at my face. “Well I have been given an offer to race for Ferrari next season” how does that cause drama Lily (Z) asks me with Kika following on by saying “Yeah how does that cause drama”.

I consider it for a moment and decide I better kill their curiosity “because I'm not going to accept the offer”, “are you insane? Why not?” They all shout at me. “To begin with chill, one they don't have good strategies that will enable me to continue winning, two I don't think the Ferrari identity suits me and three I don't want to overshadow Charles in a team he's been with for ages”.

“So what team are you going with next year, because you don't want to stay with Mercedes right?” Lily asks, “Correct and I have made my decision” I reply.

“Well tell us which team” Kika pushes on, “I don't know if I can” I say and then Lily gets closer to me and says “We have been friends for years, you know what you are doing, torturing us, so please, tell us”. I start laughing and manage to say “I'll tell you”.

“Aston Martin” I bluntly spit out.

All 3 of them sit in silence for a while and I don't get why, because Kika and Lily knew I had an offer from them and Lily Z says “Are you going to tell Charles about your offer from Ferrari?”. “I will eventually but I'm not sure how to say it without him taking it the wrong way”.

Seeing I was in a moment of interpersonal conflict they suggest we go on a walk around the paddock to clear the air. Kika asks me “so have you told Aston Martin you are going to accept their offer?”, “no not yet” I respond. “So when are you?” she retorts back “I don't know”.

Coincidentally our walk takes us past the Aston Martin garage and Kika makes us stop, “what are we doing? Why have we stopped?” I ask, “You are going to go in there and put us out of our misery and accept the offer so you stop thinking about it” Lily says in an imperative tone. I whine and like my mother Kika tells me to shut up and go for it.

Accepting they won't let this go I walk into the Aston Martin garage and head along the corridor until I reach a door that says “Mike Krack - Team Principal” I stand for a moment before knocking on the door. I hear a voice from within say “come in”.

I open the door and see Mike sitting at a meeting table in his room, when he sees me he stands up and says, “M/N what can I do for you?” I stand for a while fumbling with my thumbs before blurting out “I am here…. to say I would like to accept your offer to race for Aston Martin next season”, “well that's wonderful, have you told Mercedes yet?”, “erm no I'm going to tell them soon though, I just want there to be a focus on my racing and not what team I'm going to”.

We speak for a while about contracts and media stuff and he says once I'm ready they will announce it but I want to tell Charles, George, Mercedes and Lance by myself first and not have them find out through the media. As I'm walking out I see Lance and see this as the perfect chance to tell him, “hey Lance can I talk to you for a second?”, “sure” he says. “Is everything alright?” He asks “Yeah erm I just wanted to tell you face to face that as of next year I will be your teammate”, “are you serious?” He asks, jumping up and down like a child “haha yes I'm serious, just don't tell anyone for now, keep it between you and me”, “of course” he says.

I say goodbye to him and walk out and to my surprise see the girls still waiting for me, I was in there for ages and thought they would've left. “How did it go?” Kika says almost immediately “it went well we talked about contracts, media and I told Lance”. They all give me a proud smile and we walk back to the catering area where all out boyfriends are waiting for us and as we are walking Lily Z asks me when I'm going to tell Charles and Kika chimes in by saying “you might as well do it today to get it out of the way” as she finishes her sentence we enter catering, Charles comes up to me and hugs me but I tell him I need to speak to George quickly and he tells me not to be too long.

I walk over to George who is with Carmen and I ask if I can talk to him and Camren asks if she should leave but I tell her she can stay. “I just wanted to tell you personally that I have loved working with you so far and your a great teammate but next year I won't be racing for Mercedes, because I have accepted an offer with Aston Martin and I wanted to tell you personally and that it's nothing personal it's just team management” he looks quite solemn but says “thank you for telling me personally and all I can say is let's continue to smash this season”. I smile and wish him and Carmen a good evening and now set my eyes on Charles.

I approach him slightly hesitant, “hey can we talk?” I say and as he agrees pull his hand leading him outside “is everything okay amour?”, “Just promise me you will listen to me and let me finish before you ask any questions” I say, “sure” he replies.

“So I want to tell you face to face I'm leaving Mercedes next year and going to Aston Martin, I also wanted to let you know I turned down an offer from Ferrari–” and before I can finish he goes absolutely bat shit mad “WHAT? YOU TURNED DOWN THE OFFER TO RACE ALONGSIDE ME. DO YOU NOT WANT TO RACE WITH ME?”

“What happened to letting me finish?” I say in retaliation.

“I'm sorry, go ahead and give me some shit excuse to justify not wanting to be with me as much as possible” he says with a spiteful tone underscored by pettiness.

“One Ferrari doesn't have the strategies that I believe would leave me to success, two the whole Ferrari identity doesn't suit me and three I don't want to take attention away from you, Ferrari is your team, and I didn't want to impede on that”

I stand hoping he will say something nice instead he says “any other secrets you have kept from me?”, “I'M SORRY BUT I HAVE TOLD YOU ON THE SAME DAY I ACCEPTED THE OFFER AND YOU KNOW DON'T ACT LIKE A CHILD. MY DECISION NOT TO JOIN FERRARI IS BETTER FOR ME AND YOU AND IF YOU CAN'T SEE THAT CHARLES THEN YOU ARE REALLY IGNORANT”.

I storm off in anger and walk back into catering and Kika and both Lily's come straight over to me and Kika says “How did it go?” to which I reply” it went as well as fire and diesel put together”, “so he didn't take it well?” Lily (Z) asks, “Nope he shouted at me, I shouted at him, he accused me of having more secrets and not wanting to spend as much time with him and then I said he shouldn't act like a child and that he was ignorant and then I walked off” as I finish my sentence Charles walks past and blanks me and the girls then resort to saying he's acting like a spoilt child and they ask what I'm going to do. But I have no clue. “I'm probably going to find another place to sleep tonight, I would go to my mum's room but she had to fly back for work this morning so I'll crash with Yuki'', “You can always stay with me and Pierre we have a pull out bed on our room” Kika offers but I insist I don't want to be of hindrance to them, however she won't accept it and almost tells me I'm spending the night with them.

After a while we all leave the paddock and head back to the hotel. Pierre comes up to me and says “I hear you're crashing with us tonight?”, “Yeah I tried to say no but Kika insisted” he laughs and asks “what's happened between you and Charles?”,”Just a slight disagreement nothing too major”. The journey back is awkward. Charles is at the front walking with Carlos and Lando whilst I'm at the back with Kika, Pierre and Lily, they are all talking but I'm not in the mood for it.

When we arrive at the hotel we all head straight into the dining room for dinner, but I don't have much of an appetite and Charles sitting on the opposite end of the table puts me off eating so I tell Kika and Pierre I'm going to get some stuff from my room and just wait in theirs. Before they can ask me any questions, I have left the table and am walking out the doors.

I reach mine and Charles’ room and start gathering stuff when I hear the door click. I assume I didn't close it properly and it's shut itself but then I hear a voice behind me. “What are you doing?”. It's Charles. “I'm getting some stuff, I'm not staying here tonight”, I continue shoving items into a backpack and he stops me. “Don't do this,” he says. “We need space, you clearly think I have some agenda to not spend time with you” I retort.

“Just wait, I was stupid and I wasn't thinking, I was just, jealous and annoyed that you decided another team, another teammate over me, I understand your reasons for doing so but I can't act like I'm not offended, I would've thought you would of wanted to spend every moment with me no matter what” he says.

“I didn't pick another team to spite you, or annoy you, I did what I think is best for me, I know I could spend more time with you if I joined Ferrari, I know I could earn more money if I joined Ferrari, but I know I can enjoy myself at Aston Martin and I know we won't get to spend as much time together but it means we will value the time we do get together and it's not as if me being in a different team means we don't get to see each other, we still see each other in the paddock everyday and spend every night together”

“I love you” he says.

“I love you too you idiot” I say back and he laughs and we embrace in a hug and he kisses me on the lips.

We both decide to just spend the night in bed watching movies enjoying the peace before qualifying tomorrow.

It's now the next day and I feel much happier that me and Charles fixed everything and I'm looking forward to qualifying as I'm waiting to get out on track. I manage to make it to Q3 and I am last to do a timed lap so I have no idea of the line up until cross the line and I hear my engineer in my ear go:

“M/N that's Pole position P2 is Leclerc P3 Verstappen and George is P5”

“What was the gap between me and Chalres?” I ask.

“And M/N you were 0.2 seconds faster” he replies and I simply laugh into the radio and say “I know he's definitely pissed off”.

I leave my car and see Charles walking over and he hugs me and congratulates me for Pole position and I ask him “do you know what the gap was?”, “no” he replies, “0.2 seconds” I say and he pulls a shocked face and says “You little shit couldn't you have gone a bit slower”. “Never love, can't give you special treatment”. “It's fine I'm going to win tomorrow anyway” he says very confidently. “If you say so, leclerc”.

We spend the rest of the day doing strategies and training in preparation for tomorrow.

***

David Croft: And it's the day of the Las Vegas Grand Prix and after an amazing qualifying performance yesterday M/N L/N takes Pole Position with Leclerc P2 and Verstappen P3.

The formation lap is underway so let's get the Las Vegas Grand Prix started.

And it's lights out and away we go, L/N gets a great start with Leclerc maintain a close goal Verstappen comes down the side of Leclerc as we approach turn one and he breaks late and gets ahead of Charles Leclerc and he sets his eyes on his biggest competition M/N L/N the man who has dominated this season and he Verstappen and M/N go wheel to wheel down the straight but M/N just doesn't give Verstappen any chances.

….

And as we enter the last lap of thenLas Vegas Grand Prix it's L/N I'm P1, Verstappen P2, Perez P3 and Leclerc P4, and as we enter turn 2 Leclerc goes for Perez and he passes as we enter turn 16 Verstappen locks up on Charles Leclerc and he passes he sets his eyes on L/N who is 2.1 seconds ahead of him L/N through turn 17 Charles Lecerc right on his tail he just has the edge in him and it's M/N L/N who wins the Las Vegas Grand Prix he wins 4 out of 4 races so far, this is truly unbelievable, never has this been seen before, and Charles Leclerc who has his eyes on P1 settles for P2 and undoubtedly Verstappen is very angry with P3 have we seen the fall of the once unbeatable World Champion.

“And M/N that's P1 slow button on, you did an amazing job, great work, I'm sure Charles is very envious of you”

“Haha thank you, this is all down to you guys so thank you” I say back.

As I pull into Parc ferme I hop out of my car and raise my arms with Charles next to me and he embraces me in a hug I turn to congratulate Max however he's walked off in a sulking mood.

The atmosphere in the cool down room is strange. It's a sense of excitement from me and Charles and a sense of anger and bitterness from Max.

As we are on the podium I have finished spraying champagne everywhere Charles grabs my face and begins to kiss me causing a raucous cheer from down below. As we pull apart we laugh and hold up our trophies.

[from-izzy]

addressing my health and writing!!

fun fact: i'm rereading this post as careful as i can because i wrote ~90% of this post with my eyes closed!!

hi everyone!

the title of this post seems so serious but also not so serious at the same time...? 😅

anyways! this is just me updating a little bit of my health and how it's been affecting my writing.

on january 31st 2022, my psychologist wrote a letter to my school addressing that he 'has...identified that [I have]...Sensory Processing Disorder' (words quoted by the letter that was sent out). as far as i'm aware, i specifically have sensory modulation disorder.

i'll try to keep this concise and to the point. in terms of my spd in general, four of my five senses are hypersensitive with my top two being visual and hearing.

i recently just found out an important info by quite literally timing myself. i stayed in my room, lights out and in the dark for 20 mins. during that time, i did nothing but just stare at the ceiling (or i don't know, the spider that went past too) and jammed to some music. after, i started to write.

there is small time gap of 14 mins before i felt a twitch in my right eye. there is a small 1 min gap after when i started to get a headache. for me, i knew this before but i was afraid to admit it especially when i love writing so much but it's clear now that i am hypersensitive to lights.

that's why (at least, i personally feel like this) my writing quality has decreased drastically and writing errors are more apparent than ever. i get people to proofread for me but i'm really bad in asking for help so i usually just try to do it myself to the best of my abilities. the way i explain scenes have also been more boring and bland, and i want to tell you that if you think so too, you're most probably right! it frustrates me more than anything.

i'm trying to find ways to counter this or at least make the time gap bigger. i recently found out that writing in the dark, phone brightness down to the lowest helps and i was able to write for about ~40 mins before i started to get a headache. but unfortunately for my sleep hygiene, no technology should be in my room (i even moved my piano out of my room because of this) and so, i am trying to find another way.

another way i found is that closing my eyes works. fun fact: i'm rereading this post as careful as i can because i wrote ~90% of this post with my eyes closed!! yes it works but you can imagine how hard it can be.

if i can be fully honest, it's actually really hard for me to both read and write these days as well because there is no way i can make out the words without any form of light. when the headache strikes, it strikes and walking in a straight line can become difficult sometimes. the reality is that it's hard to write without reading and it sucks that i can't support anyone's work at the moment, especially when they have supported me so much (i'm so sorry to all the writers out there). there is nothing much i can do right now but to remember and learn the stories in my head as references when i write.

i'm still exploring for more ideas but if you have any ideas, do tell! i would love to try them out!

but i'm not going to stop writing! not when i have ideas to write and stories to share! it's just going to be slow and i'm planning to take it in a pace where i can handle. like i've mentioned before, i don't want to release stories that i'm not proud of.

thank you everyone for the support so far! 'double a decade' reached 100+ notes in less than a week! that's so crazy for me, thank you 😭💕

[swearphil]

2023 writing gif-making round up

Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about. tagged by @reasonandfaithinharmony! thank you, friend!

buckle up, friends, because I somehow posted 98 gif sets this year and it's probably going to be 100 sets by the end of the year tbh. that number sounds so ridiculous. it's all your faults because part of the reason why I made so much was because I felt so encouraged and loved by the people I've gotten to know and know better this year, so thank you.

I started trying to put all the sets in a post and that just got overwhelming for me to look at so we're doing my top favorites with some fun statistics at the end. I think it'll come as no surprise that I mostly made rwrb and heartstopper sets this year, so I decided to do my top 5 rwrb sets, top 5 heartstopper sets, and top 10 miscellaneous sets.

top 5 rwrb sets

page to screen ripped pages: this is the first set I made after the movie was released. I worked on it for hours and really enjoy how it turned out. the text placement was what took the longest. I knew what words from each passage I wanted to highlight so it took some rearranging to make sure those were visible.

acd x all american bitch: the idea for this came about when casey posted an instagram story of GUTS and songs that correspond with their characters. I love me some bi coloring, so using that for this set was really fun!

firstprince x wildest dreams: I don't know what it is about this set that makes me love it so much. I think it's the shade of pink and then the light orange from the text.

henry "that is him, part and parcel": I adore henry and bea and that's all I have to say about this set.

firstprince x exile: I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the tags for this one and I am not sorry at all for the pain I have caused. I got the idea for this set after sending @kiwiana-writes the fake fic title "I gave so many signs" and they wrote a heartwrenching summary. I immediately wanted to do something with it!

top 5 heartstopper sets

moments of healing: day two of heartstoppercentral's pride celebration for this year. putting this together made me really emotional. I'm so grateful for alice and these moments of communication we get on the show.

imogen x ballad of a homeschooled girl: yes, I did intentionally use colors on the lesbian flag for this set. it was actually going to be purple at first to match the GUTS album but I didn't like how it looked. I tried pink, liked it, wondered what color worked with pink, and thus the color palette was born!

narlie x brighter than sunshine: day 3 of heartstoppercentral's pride celebration. as schitt's creek fans know (and as a couple people pointed out in the tags), this is the song that plays at the end of "Meet the Parents." I think I knew right away I was going to use this song for this day of the event.

narlie x fearless (taylor's version): I still can't believe I made this set. it's something just last year I would have deemed too complicated. I'm proud of myself for this one.

charlie standing up to ben: this set idea was suggested by @swiftlythebest. idk if this was intentional on alice's part, but I really enjoy how charlie says similar sentiments in both episodes. like "leave me alone" -> "I don't want to see you ever again."

top 10 miscellaneous sets

alexis rose + "destined to be on fire": I can't believe how much I've grown as a gif maker over the past three years and this set shows that growth. I also adore alexis and her journey.

david/patrick open mic: I made this set once I got back home from seeing noah in concert. I was truly close to tears during the concert when I realized I was watching him perform a song from a show I have loved for three years.

david/patrick relationship dynamic: @reasonandfaithinharmony @roseapothecary and @rmd-writes are to thank for this set coming into existence. the fact that I had so many scenes to choose from shows that this truly is david and patrick's dynamic.

schitt's creek + barbie posters: I knew right away what kind of barbie david and alexis were going to be.

GUTS + favorite lyrics: god I really love this set. the typography? the coloring? I really outdid myself.

the good witch + ages: another set I just absolutely adore. I love the shades of pink I used. also, maisie, thank you for including consecutive years in the album because it really would have bugged me if they weren't lol

danandphilgames + fuck land: my url becomes relevant again! if you told me at the start of this year that the gaming channel would be back, I would not have believed you.

calliette x love affair: I really love the overlays for this one. it just ended up working well on its own with little manipulation from me. the song is from the end of the last episode. it worked great for the antagonists event!

ellie x you're on your own, kid: I had this idea for a few weeks before I actually got around to making it. I remember being worried and surprised that no one else that I saw did a set with this song.

vampire by olivia rodrigo: the lyric "bloodsucker, fame fucker" really did something to me.

fun statistics: out of the 98 sets I made

39 are rwrb

34 are heartstopper

8 are schitt's creek

6 are music artists

5 are dan and phil

4 are the last of us

1 is tarlos

1 is calliette

32 use taylor lyrics

tagging (no pressure of course!) @roseapothecary @swiftlythebest @rmd-writes @leclercpiastri @mulderscully @victoriaspriing and if anyone else wants to do this, feel free to say I tagged you!