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dat-town · 4 years ago

Text

not gonna miss this chance

Characters: Han Seojun & soloist!female reader

Genre: fluff

Setting: true beauty au, set a year after the tv show’s ending timeline

Summary: Your career is on the verge of ending, hence your management puts you up to do a duet with the infamous Han Seojun. You have heard too many rumours about him to keep track of and yet, none of them could have prepared you for the feelings that came with meeting him.

Words: 4.1k

Self indulgent little snippet because he deserves happiness too.

You had heard of Han Seojun before meeting him, of course you had. Everybody who was in the industry had heard of the hot trend of a Newstagram star-turned idol and his band's shining debut from a year ago. They were told to have snatched teenage girls hearts all over Korea with their good looks and soulful music. You had heard their title track and you had to admit it was nice but nice wasn't enough in a cut-throat industry like entertainment.

Look at you, starting training at twelve, debuting at fifteen and now barely twenty-one you were on the verge of becoming a thrown away doll. Once you had been called cute and the it girl of your generation and now? People were saying you got boring just because your music had matured. Gosh, you couldn't keep singing about first love like your hit song had been for the rest of your life for god's sake. Your last album had been a flop, your company had been losing money and you were still afraid that even with a year left of your contract, they would cut you. But your manager had begged them for a chance and here it was: a collaboration with the newest love of Korea.

But the thing was, Han Seojun had quite a reputation and you didn't know who to believe. Some said he was well-mannered and hard-working. Others gossiped that he was always flirting with his makeup artists and Chen claimed he had been rude to her even when he had just been a ‘nobody’. Not that you were particularly fond of Chen either but as a fellow solo female singer you were a tad bit worried how the infamous singer would treat you.

Well, standing in front of Move Entertainment, you were just about to find out. Taking a shallow breath you followed your manager's lead, bowing to the receptionist and getting into the elevator after taking your visitor's badge. You had heard the company has gone through many changes after the executives were replaced due to the revealed Seyeon scandal but everything looked expensive, shiny and new, unlike in your small agency.

“Hey, I’m Lim Heekyung, nice to meet you. Seojun will be in a minute, too,” a woman in a pantsuit walked up to you on the right floor with a confident smile as she introduced herself. She led you to a meeting room which was apparently customized for a few people only and started preparing papers. She looked excited which was a relief and nice to see, at least someone from Move Entertainment was happy for this project apparently. You were a bit afraid they would see you like a leech, trying to cling onto their new star’s popularity.

“Shall we start? Seojun is a fan of dramatic entrances anyways,” Miss Lim laughed joyfully as if it wasn’t new to her that the idol didn’t make it on time. Ah yeah, you had heard rumours saying that he had something on the company and that was why they were so lenient with him.

You sat in silence, let your manager do the talk about the collaboration project. Seojun could play the guitar, you could play the piano, apparently it was perfect for a ballad duet, though if you used instruments yourself it added to the preparations time. But luckily, there was a songwriter named Leo at the company who had already sent in a few samples specifically for Seojun, so you didn’t have to start from zero.

“Ah, I see you started without me. What did I miss?” A tall boy opened the door wide and flipped down onto the chair across you casually. He had grown into his lanky limbs and with those wide shoulders hugged by the leather jacket, helix earrings in one ear and soft brown hair brushed to one side, it wasn’t a surprise how many female fans swooned over him. But there were a lot of handsome boys in the business, just his looks – no matter how confident he was in them based on the way he carried himself – wouldn’t make a difference.

Miss Lim patiently let Seojun know about the advances and only when she mentioned your name, did the boy glance at you. His dark brown eyes had a sharp form, just as piercing as his gaze, but the cunning smile spreading over his lips softened it a bit. He looked at you as if he wanted to see through you, to figure out how he should have approached you. You expected a snarky or arrogant comment, but in the end, he just flashed a blinding smile at you, one you could see on his posters, before turning back to Miss Lim.

“What’s the schedule?” he asked simply and you both were notified about the deadline of deciding and finalizing the song, the dates of planned recording sessions and the photoshoot. Since there would be no promotion period, it all would be done within a month and half from start to finish. You were a bit relieved hearing that and leave Move Entertainment without any confrontation.

You thought you were good at masking your wary feelings since the further meetings went well and the first recording session went okay-ish. Although both of you had been a bit scolded by the producer for not putting enough feelings into your singing. He claimed that the demo sent by Leo was much more emotional which made Seojun scoff and mumble under his nose. The PD called it for a day, making you promise to practice for next time and one by one they all left. Your manager told you that he would bring the car while you refresh yourself in the bathroom, so you really didn’t expect anyone to wait for you when you stepped out of the restroom, much less Han Seojun.

"Spit it out," he bit out barely glancing your way as he leaned against the corridor’s wall.

"What?" you spluttered as you were really taken aback by his out of blue appearance and question. The guy let out a tired sigh at your obliviousness and pushed himself away from the wall just to walk up to you, towering over your height with his.

"You look at me as if I killed your hamster or something. Which rumour about me bothers you? I fucking can't keep walking on eggshells around you, especially when it's just the two of us," he tsked and you gulped at the sudden called out. You didn’t think it bothered him, or that he was considerate enough to ‘walk on eggshells around you’, you merely thought he was so distant from everybody. It was still better than what Chen had told you.

"Oh, I… nothing. It's stupid. Sorry," you mumbled, feeling embarrassed for your your actions but Seojun apparently wasn’t satisfied without a real answer as he carried on:

"I didn't bully kids in high school but I threatened ones that deserved it, I didn't only get a pity chance from the entertainment, one of our makeup artists is actually one of my best friends, I'm not…"

"Chen told me you are rude and arrogant and have no respect for girls," you blurted out to stop him from speaking because you felt like you didn’t deserve to hear all that. He didn’t owe you any explanation for the way he was. You were just co-workers for a project after all, you had no place in his life, nor he had in yours, so he shouldn’t have been that bothered by your opinion but you understood that he felt uncomfortable due to your silent accusations.

Hearing your hasty interruption, the singer scoffed, a laugh-like sound leaving his mouth.

"Well, I have no respect for girls like Chen who harass my friends and turn their lives into hell just to go on a date with me," he said and it made you blink slowly.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Check your facts before you go around believing such crap," Seojun stepped back with a roll of his eyes.

The whole situation made you feel made about how you acted, so you wished to apologise but it fell from your lips all too carelessly: "Sorry, I was just worried. This is my last chance, so–"

"Last chance?" the guy quirked a brow at you, curious but you quickly waved his question away.

"Nevermind, I just need this song to do well."

"Of course, it will. I'm Han Seojun, it will turn to gold under my hands," he grinned and made eccentric gestures as if he was about to do magic. You couldn't help a smile. “Or well, vocal chords.”

And turn it to gold, he did.

The rest of your recording sessions went smoother, even the previously grumpy PD complimented your for the development in your chemistry. Funny, you wouldn’t have thought that the wall pulled up between the two of you mattered that much, but at least you didn’t have a knot in your stomach, nor did you worry about every small thing you did around Han Seojun. He also acted more casual, more playful, joking around when both of you had a bit of time to take a breather. He snapped silly pictures, showed off with his height, smirked when he got too close but despite all his bravado and lowkey flirting, you believed even he wouldn’t have jeopardised his career over something like this.

Maybe that's why wrapping up the recording felt a tad bit weird: you got used to his presence, his jokes, his beautiful, deep voice that you could have fallen asleep to. Sure, sometimes he was cocky, a bit rough around the edges but he was a great singer and a fun guy. The project seemed to work out well and you loved it a lot, so you hoped the listeners would appreciate it as well.

But before all that you had one photo shoot together for the promotional pictures and the single's cover. You were grateful for the simple pastel colour background and elegant setting. The warm light latte colour and the clock in the background really fit the song's vibe. Luckily, your dress was decent and pretty as well, you didn't have to feel uncomfortable in it at least. However, you didn’t expect that happy yelp coming from one of the makeup artists stepping into the dressing room. You turned to face the girl, wondering whether she was your fan judged by her excitement.

"Oh my! I'm so happy to finally meet you! Seojun told us about you so much!" she beamed at you which obviously took you back. Well, that you didn’t expect at all. He spoke of you to others? Ah. Apparently to the makeup artist who was most probably that certain one of his best friends he had told you about?

"Don't exaggerate, Imju, I mentioned her like what… once?" Seojun walked in on cue. He rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, trying to avert the topic. "How's Suho?"

You had know idea who that said guy was but after a moment or two you could breathe properly once again while listening to their chatting.

“Just the usual. He’s excited about your duet.”

“Of course, he is,” Seojun grinned, a bit snarky but you could hear the proud undertones of it. When he looked at you, you were surprised by him leaning close though as he quieted down until only you could hear it. “Don’t worry, Jugyeong is really good and just stop her if she gets too gossip-y.”

“Are you talking about me behind my back, hah, Han Seojun?” The pretty girl called Jugyeong raised her fist as if she was about to hit the idol but he just laughed it off and left you two alone when he was hurried onto the set to start with his individual shoots.

“Have you known each other for a long time?” you couldn’t help but wonder as you were seated to get your makeup from her.

“Ah, almost 4 years, I think. We went to high school together. Plus, he’s best friends with my boyfriend. Though, they are always bickering like a married couple,” Jugyeong chuckled joyfully as she started with the cushion. You closed your eyes, listening as she kept going on about the time when Seojun had been obsessed with his motorbike, getting into trouble with his mother. It was strange hearing about a whole other side of him, mama's boy but the image tugged on your mouth, making you smile even though you weren't sure you had the right to know all that. You also learned that Seojun's sister was dating Jugyeong's brother and you felt so involved with the girl's trust albeit it was your last meeting, you were sure Seojun must have only told good things about you.

Hence, you felt shy under his knowing gaze when you walked out of the dressing room. He must have known that Jugyeong couldn't shut up for the life of her, so he looked a bit uncertain, too, stretching the back of his neck, forcing a cunning smile onto his smile when you took your place next to him.

To fit the ballad's theme, the setting was a piano decorated with flowers and you were instructed to sit beside him as if you were about to play a four hands piece. As you did what you had been told, you were very much aware of the way your arms brushed, his long fingers over the keys close to yours, his smile small but genuine.

"Great, great, guys! Someone help her onto the piano and Seojun, stand in front of her," the photographer directed the next scene but before any staff members would have rushed up to you, the singer next to you shushed them.

"I can do it," he insisted as he stood up and looked you in the eyes, silently asking for permission. You nodded while holding your breath back before Seojun put his hands on your waist above the fluffy tulle skirt part and counting on three, he lifted you onto the lid of the beautiful instrument.

You crossed your legs, watching in awe as your pink skirt fell down on waves but your breath hitched for an entirely different reason when you looked up, gaze meeting Seojun's feline eyes trained on you. You had never seen him look at you like that, lacking playfulness or suspicion or curiosity. He looked open, vulnerable, outright starstruck. Your lips parted meaning to ask something but your brain shut off when you heard the shutter of the camera go down and the director yelling compliments at you. It made you snap out of it and later, you blamed the evident blush on your cheeks on the makeup. Seojun blinked too, his guarded expression back in no time, finishing the photo shoot professionally, always lingering close to you, but never touching you. Even though you wouldn’t have minded.

"Hey," Seojun peeked into your dressing room just as you were about to leave, packing up, with a smile on his mouth and sparkles in his deep brown eyes. But unlike half an hour ago when he wore a fancy suit and looked at you like a prince would have looked at his princess, he acted just as casual as he looked in his denim jacket over dark tee. "Wanna grab something with me if you finished for today?"

His question took you back but first thing first you glanced towards your manager, eyes begging for permission which you had gotten with a sigh.

"Just be discreet and call me if you need me to pick you up," your manager shrugged, leaving you two alone with a knowing look that told you to be careful. You didn't need to be told though, you knew how much depended on the current public response to your image.

"Seems like a green light. Have you thought of anything specific?" you turned back to the boy with a subtle smile.

"Not really but I know a few less frequent, secluded places to avoid much talk about us," he said and you nodded, following his lead. Masks, caps and hoodies on, you barely talk on your way to the tent with the lovely ahjumma who welcomed Seojun (two heads taller than her) with a pinch of his cheeks and told you to get seated.

"Are you a regular here?" you inquire, carefully pulling down your mask since not many people are around.

"You could say that," the boy hummed letting you adjust to the place at your own pace, not pressuring you with extra reassessments about how safe it is there. Yet, he is so casual as if he wasn't afraid of a getting mobbed by Dispatch out of the blue. Not that it happened to you a lot of times but you heard stories and at such a crucial time in your career, you feared something like that more than anything.

"Do you want to come up to mine instead?" Seojun blurted out suddenly which made you wide eyed in a span of a moment as you splattered out a surprised yelp. "Come on, I don't mean anything by it. You just look really nervous being in the public," the singer said, his deep voice softening, soothing by the end and you needed to take a breather before answering. You didn't think it was so obvious but apparently you had never been a good liar with him.

In the end, you decided on going over to Seojun's place, so he asked the ahjumma to pack your food to go and you headed towards his flat a few blocks from the company. It was a small but cozy place, much softer and brighter than you expected, lots of pastels and photos of friends and family. While the boy busied himself in the kitchen, getting you plates, chopsticks and beer, you were encouraged to look around and you couldn't help but smile at his photos with not only his band members but high school friends, too. You had seen photos of his graduation with Jugyeong, then another one of his debut with her and another guy. He was a recurring person on a lot of pictures, so you assumed that he was the so-called Suho.

"He's Jugyeong's boyfriend," Seojun affirmed as he walked up to you which you acknowledged with a hum and smiled at his photos with his sister and mother. The makeup artist was right when she said he was only tough on the outside.

"You knew Seyeon?" you whispered as your gaze shifted of a picture of three boys smiling widely into the camera. The middle one was the talented boy you had known from the news of his committed suicide. Such a tragedy.

"Uhum. We were best friends. Him, Suho and me," Seojun nodded and without having to ask, he told you how they had gotten to know each other, what were their favourite past time activities and how they fell apart when he died. You could see he was hurting even now as he was talking about it, so you grazed your fingers against his knuckles as though to say you were there for him to listen, or whatever he needed.

Talking about his best friends and how a group of guys including someone named Chorong stuck by his side over the years warmed your heart. It was nice to know that not everyone had it as lonely as you who basically missed out on high school and memories from that time to be able to turn your dreams into reality. Your only friends were also in the industry but it made things both easier and harder.

"What about you? What did you mean by this being your last chance?" Seojun asked like a loaded gun but after everything he had just told you, you knew you could trust him with this and being in the industry for a while now, he must have understood, too.

You told him about the rising expectations, about your image and your company's ultimatum. It actually felt nice to talk about with someone other than your manager. Especially since Seojun seemed to understand exactly why you felt conflicted over the matter. You have given your youth to this dream of yours, so giving up on it would have felt like betraying yourself and everyone who believed in you but you weren't sure you could give it another 10 years of your life no matter how much you liked music. You had decent CSATs result, maybe you could have applied for a university program. Seojun even offered to arrange a meeting between you and Suho who was studying to become a proper songwriter.

You talked for hours and ate the tteokbokki even though it had gotten cold long ago and you couldn't remember when was the last time you had felt so light. You felt giddy even with just the tiny bit of alcohol in your system by the time you knew it was time for you to go.

Once you had felt relieved knowing that promoting your duet would be only one performance but recently, you started dreading the moment because that meant that you wouldn't have any more excuse to see Seojun. In the backstage, this time around you greeted Jugyeong like an old friend and teased to give Seojun a funny makeup before walking up to your own assigned staff members. Your look was full of sparkles and glow fitting the silver colour of your dress, completing the ethereal vibe off the stage you were going to do and the beautiful song you had grown to love so much you held it close to your heart. The last rehearsals went smoothly and if you noticed Seojun's gaze lingering a bit too long, you didn't comment on it.

"Are you nervous?" he asked before the final recording and you knew it would have been unreasonable to deny it, so you replied with a small smile.

"A bit."

"Don't be. You're pretty and you'll do amazing," he reassured you and the way he said those words oh so easy. As if they were natural. As if he believed in you and maybe this was all the reassurance you needed because when you walked up onto the stage, not taking your eyes off his, it felt like it was just the two of you there. All the stress about not being good enough, about being judged for who you were and what you wanted to do with your life was subsided as you focused on the moment, just to sing this one song with one while trying to fight your heart's crazy beating.

You didn't really have the luxury to have crushes. You had always been concentrated on your work, you couldn't let yourself have distractions, especially since love scandals always affected girl worse than guy. At least that was what you told yourself for always putting up a wall around you and guarding your heart all too well. But during the past few weeks, between playful or flirty remarks, between smiles and ruffling hair, Seojun took apart your wall brick by brick even if he wasn't aware.

So it might have been only a few days since you had last seen him but in that rare moment of boredom, alone in your room, you realized that you missed him. Hell, you liked him and the feeling made me want to scream into your pillow as if you were a silly teenager. As if on cue, your phone buzzed with a new message and seeing the KakaoTalk ID made you shy.

duet partner, han seo jun

so...

i've been thinking

you

sounds dangerous but ok

duet partner, han seo jun

don't get sassy with me, miss

you

what have you been thinking about?

duet partner, han seo jun

that i don't want to miss my chance

there's this girl i like

i thought of asking her out

do you think she would say yes?

you

oh. well... why wouldn't she?

i mean, you are talented, handsome, funny and reliable

duet partner, han seo jun

and what about my job? it's busy and a bit crazy

don't you think it would be unfair of me to ask?

you

I think you should let her decide that

duet partner, han seo jun

okay

are you free on friday?

you

um, sure?

duet partner, han seo jun

cool, then go on a date with me?

#han seo jun x reader #seojun x reader #han seojun #han seo joon #true beauty #stories #i just wanted to give him a happy end after ep16 #that's what this is about

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possum-rat · 4 years ago

Text

(Y/n) talks to the dead

Normally waking up to the Undead hovering over you would scare anyone shitless. But (Y/n) was slightly less startled. "SHI-WHA? WHO ARE? WHAT?" (Y/n) yelps as they fall out of the bed in a mess of blanket and clothes. Two skeletons stand on either side of their bed staring blankly at the opposite wall. Chain mail armor on the one stationed on the left side of (Y/n), and an odd mixture of gold and neitherite on the right. The one on the right turns toward (Y/n) before crouching down as holding out a hand toward them.

(Y/n) takes it hesitantly staring up at them. "Wha?" They murmur as the skeleton nods a slight smile in place. "I'm Violetta Beaux. If that's what you're wondering my dear." They state simply in a soft tone. Violetta then gestures toward the chain mail wearer and says fondly "that's Isidora Blanc" Isidora merely nods as their mentioned.

"Why are you here? I mean- I don't mean to be rude or anything but..." (y/n) trails off confusion evident in their expression. "Clementine told us," Violetta replies gently. Nodding still confused (Y/n) lets the covers fall from their shoulders. Stepping from the mess of blanket under them they walk toward the bathroom.

Staring at the mirror intently they sigh. Their once (S/c) now more grey and sunken. Dark purplish rings under their eyes with a crazed look. Reaching their hand up (Y/n) gently presses the purplish-pink swollen delicate skin. Breathing out in pain (Y/n) removes their hand before testing their nose. Nothing seems to be broken, just a little swollen or painful. Pulling out a washcloth (y/n) dampens it and cleans the dried blood from their face.

Feeling slightly better (Y/n) turns on the shower before heading into their 'Room' and grabbing some clothes: a tan trench coat stopping at (Y/n) thighs, a white collared shirt, grayish-black jeans, and long socks with their favorite boots. (perfect for kicking any super straights)

Once finished with the shower they pull on the clothes in the privacy of the bathroom. Mentally (Y/n) thanks themselves for placing the bathroom into a room with a door away from any visitors. As (Y/n) steps out of the bathroom the smell of freshly baked bread greets them.

grinning to themselves (Y/n) notices that Violetta is beside the furnace pulling out a loaf of golden bread. "(Y/n)? Oh hey dear! I made bread. Here take some!" She says cheerfully as she places the loaf on the small kitchen island. Isidora seems to be slightly more emotional than before as she gazes at the bread. Staring at the bread (Y/n) asks "You can make bread?" Isidora replies gruffly "Best at it. She also makes a killer cake."

As Violetta pulls out a giant Long sword she hums happily as she slices the bread with the sword. The whole sight is comical. As (Y/n) takes a slice of the bread they take a bite and proceeds to melt. You know the kind? Like when you eat something so good you've literally just ascended to heaven momentarily-yeah that's what the bread tastes like.

"Told you," Isidora says simply. By the time (Y/n) ate around half the loaf with the other two they've gotten a message from Wilbur.

<WilburSoot> (Y/n) help. Tubbo and Tommy are on a tangent.

smiling slightly (Y/n) stands up from the chair and makes their way toward their chest. Squatting down they pull out their sword and a few potions. Violetta stops (Y/n) before they leave. "Dear take some armor I have an extra unused she's plate and helmet. Stay safe okay hun? Isidora will go with you." (Y/n) nods and waits patiently-well as patiently as one with horrible attention spans can-

"and here you go, hun." She says as she hands an enchanted netherite chest plate and helmet to them. (Y/n's) eyes widen as the heavily enchanted armor falls into their ownership. "You can't-Are-wha-" they stutter as Isidora takes the armor from (Y/n) and gently places it onto (y/n) making sure it fits snugly. "Come on kid. I'm your bodyguard or some shit today. Come on."

---

as the two of them walk into L'manberg Wilbur freezes staring at Isidora. "(Y/n)? Your aware that there's a skeleton standing beside you?" (Y/n) nods and says "Yup. They're my grumpy bodyguard or something!" Isidora did not like being called grumpy apparently as (Y/n) yelps as Isidora punches (Y/n's) shoulder.

"I- uh okay. Anyway, Tubbo and Tommy are over there mind watching them?" Wilbur asks tiredly as he rubs the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

(Y/n) nods and skips toward them happily. "No, He's always like...Psst hey, kid...wanna buy some content? Do we have manhunts? Or speed runs." Tommy laughs as he does a horrible American accent. (Y/n) chimes in "įⱮ Ⱥ ꝈįͲͲꝈƐ φįϚϚ βȺβӋӋӋӋӋ" Tubbo coughs in audio tune before dying with laughter. Tommy does his famous cackle. "What the actual fuck?" Isidora murmurs as she stands a few feet away. Tubbo frowns tilting his head confused his long brown ears flopping down.

"what? I just heard a series of tapping?" Tubbo says confused. "Oh, she just said " what the actual fuck." She's nice that way." (Y/n) says happily.

Isidora frowns while flipping (Y/n) off. "Yeah Love you too bitch." They call grinning.

Tubbo frowns and asks "Wanna go to the nether?" (Y/n) nods but freezes momentarily as everything suddenly grey. Like a cave. But instead of the normal ruggedness of a cave, it's like a box. (Y/n) shivers as they gaze around at the freezing room. A small Fox is curled up in one of the corners along with a brown spotted cow. As (y/n) walks closer the Fox opens an eye before closing it in disinterested. An arrow sticks out from its coat staining the white fur on its throat rusty red.

"Fungi?" (Y/n) asks in awe. The Fox yawns before nuzzling closer to the cow. The cow opens its down brown eyes before giving a soft content "Moo." Gasping in delight (Y/n) cheers "Harold?" The cow thumps his tail before standing up unsteadily and clopping toward (Y/n).

Harold bobs his head as he moves toward them, stopping infront of them he nuzzles into (Y/n's) outstretched hand. As (y/n's) fingers brush over the slightly rough texture of Harold's fur they blink.

The stone claustrophobic-inducing box is no more. Instead (Y/n) is surrounded by people in chairs staring up at a podium. A Man with curly Horns with various golden trinkets stands there. He's clearly slightly hungover.

"That was pretty easy. And you know what I said, the day I got unbanned from the DreamSMP, and the day I said I was running... an election that I won by the way?" The man's voice booms deep and clear demanding to be heard "I said; "Things are gonna change". I looked every citizen of L'Manberg in the eyes and I said; "You listen to me... this place will be a lot different tomorrow." Let's start making it happen. My first decree, as the president of L'Manberg- the EMPEROR! of this great country-! Is to REVOKE the citizenship of WilburSoot, (Y/n) and TommyInnit! Get 'em outta here! Get 'em outta here! You're no longer welcome!"

All though (Y/n) may not understand what's going on they have enough sense to stand up from their seat and bolt. Isidora stands on the outskirts of L'manberg waiting under the shelter of a tree. Isidora straightens up upon seeing (Y/n). She sighs and holds out a hand. Voices of the deceased begin screaming in (Y/n's) head.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LEAVING?

"HELP THEM"

"STAY HOME"

"STAY"

"run"

As Isidora's hand closes around (Y/n's) they're suddenly wrenched from L'manberg, and back home. (Y/n) pulls their hand from Isidora's grip to press their palms into the sides of their head. "Please- make it stop." They whisper. Their eyes claimed shut as they press their back against the wall sliding down. Schlatt's voice echos loudly "Oh, it was so easy! Until further notice... WilburSoot and TommyInnit are merely a memory of L'Manberg. A relic- A relic of the past. A reminder, of the darkest era this country, has ever seen- and I guarantee you all; dear citizens... Tonight, that changes. We are entering into a new period of L'Mangerg- a period, of prosperity! of strength! of unity."

Sitting down for a few minutes they stand up before rubbing their eyes and turning toward the two women and saying quietly "Stay here. Please I don't want either of you to get hurt." they state with a certain authority that none of the three knew (Y/n) possessed. (Y/n) then walks toward their chests before digging out the materials needed. Choosing to take their half-finished crossbow, and sword, along with the armor they were currently wearing, a few potions, and pick along with food, as they walk toward the door they hesitate before returning to the chest and pull out a few End pearls along with their totem.

----

At around 3 am (Y/n) finds a half-assed base. Sighing slightly they duck into the base holding up their hands in surrender as a sword is healed to their throat. It doesn't help that the voices are still shouting. And expressing their distaste or agreement at the current predicament.

"Jesus (Y/n) where the hell have you been?" Wilbur sighs as he makes eye contact with them.

"Went by my base to grab some stuff we'll need. No, we aren't going to my base." They say as they sit atop the crafting table beside Tommy. Leaning back against the wall they glance down at Tommy. He's visibly distressed. (Y/n) taps the air infront of them withdrawing a potion of their own creation they like to call "Anti-Insomnia, sleep your problems away :)"

Pulling out a small vile of it they grab 2 cups that for some reason Wilbur had. Pouring a few drops into the cups they hand them to each of their accomplices saying "It'll help you sleep. It'll take your mind off of it." Tommy nods and asks "Wait you know Greek mythology right? Didn't you and Techno talk about it?" (Y/n's) lips curve into a faint smile at the memories.

they nod and ask "Yeah. I remember that." Wilbur asks "what's your favorite story?"

they nod before thinking. "Eros and Psyche." The words fall from their lips effortlessly. As (Y/n) begins to ramble they stare at the opposite wall.

"Psyche is a princess so beautiful that the goddess Venus becomes jealous. In revenge, she instructs her son Cupid to make her fall in love with a hideous monster; but instead, he falls in love with her himself." Tommy's head lolls before falling against (Y/n's) shoulder. (Y/n) tenses up slightly but upon realizing that it's only Tommy they continue.

"He becomes her unseen husband, visiting her only at night. Psyche disobeys his orders not to attempt to look at him, and in doing so she loses him. In her search for him, she undertakes a series of cruel and difficult tasks set by Venus in the hope of winning him back. Cupid can eventually no longer bear to witness her suffering or to be apart from her and pleads their cause to the gods. Psyche becomes an immortal and the lovers are married in heaven."(More info: here ) (Y/n) finishes their story glancing down at Thomas.

"hey? (Y/n)? How's Lilith doing?" Wilbur asks quietly. (y/n) freezes before rubbing their face and rubbing the faint scar on their neck. "No clue." Wilbur frowns and asks "What'd you mean?" He asks as he shifts to a more comfortable position. "Haven't seen her since she broke our engagement...rather brutally for my taste. Like I understand sure, I may not be the best person but burning down a house then murdering your fiancé? That's a bit much even for me. Like where's the pizzazz?" (Y/n) laughs quietly as they stand up and pull off their coat draping it over Tommy.

Wilbur frowns. "Wait. You only have one life?" He asks. (Y/n) nods as they rummage in their pocket before pulling out a small simple ring with a frog upon the center. Slipping it onto their finger with the other array of various rings they stretch and turn toward Wilbur. "Jesus Christ (Y/n). You need to be careful!" Wilbur chides. (Y/n) narrows their eyes at him before grumbling quietly "yeah yeah."

---

#mcyt x reader #hybrid reader #wither skeleton #harold the cow #(y/n)#wilbur soot #jshlatt #Pog2020 #coconut2020

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darling-i-read-it · 4 years ago

Text

Kaiseki

2x01

Hannibal Lecter x reader x Will Graham

Hannibal Re-Write Series Masterlist

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: spoilers for hannibal, murder, mental health problems, jail, angst

Author’s Note: Season! Two! This may be a little harder cause Will is in jail and it’s to big a plot point to change. But i love will graham so much dudes. I hope you guys enjoy!

I took lines directly from the script so some may seem familiar. Those sentences are not mine.

Official Episode Summary : The psychological thriller based on the Hannibal Lecter legend returns. FBI profiler Will Graham has been framed for Lecter's crimes and wants revenge.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director

Tag List: @llperfectsymmetryll

(not my gif)

“Kaiseki. A Japanese art form that honors the taste and aesthetic of what we eat,” Hannibal said to Jack Crawford as he sat at his table. The lighting of the room was pleasing but also semi threatening. Not that Jack noticed. He wasn’t very good at noticing things. Hannibal himself had noticed that.

“I feel guilty eating it,” Jack said, looking down at the dish. It was amazingly well put together. It was no surprise that Hannibal had done it.

“I never feel guilty eating anything,” Hannibal said with a small mischievous smile. Jack took a bite and chewed a bit.

“Can’t quite place the fish.”

“He was a flounder. I last prepared this meal for my Aunt Murasaki under similarly unfortunate circumstances,” Hannibal said. Jack waited for him to go on and when he didn’t he nodded.

“What circumstances were those?” Hannibal shrugged.

“A loss. This is a loss. Will is a loss. We’re mourning a death,” Hannibal said gently.

“Will’s ‘death’ is on me,” Jack said. Hannibal took a bite of his food and chewed for a moment, considering this.

“It’s on both of us.”

“I doubt that Y/N would consider you had anything to do with it,” Jack suggested. Hannibal smiled a tad at the mention of your name and the fact that you likely wouldn’t suggest Hannibal was much to blame.

“I tended to be kinder to her and more compassionate to Will,” he said.

“Abigail thought that you liked them both a bit more,” Jack said chuckling. Hannibal shrugged.

“We’re all friends.”

“Do you have friends Hannibal?” Hannibal shrugged.

“I had Will. And of course Y/N.” Jack pointed his fork at Hannibal.

“I don’t understand how you managed to stay in her good graces.”

“I suppose she had about as many friends as I did.”

“I still can’t comprehend it. Will’s gonna be convicted of five murders. I’ll be convicted of one,” Jack muttered.

“You’re not on trial.”

“I will be. In the halls of the FBI. So will you. According to Will Graham, this was all you. Another place where I’m not sure why Y/N continues to see you.”

“Will was your bloodhound. You can’t ignore where he points.” Hannibal smiled at his plate. “And I do believe you’ll be on a trail in her mind as well.” Jack sighed.

“What’s one more person to convict me,” Jack said.

Alana stood beside you. You had a few papers in your hand. The only reason you were still Hannibal’s secretary at all was so that you could have the hours off to come and advocate for Will. Alana handed you another piece of paper and you looked over it.

“You’re a goddess Alana,” you muttered. In your hands you held all the complaints and disagreements Alana had ever had with Jack about Will. Behind the scenes she had been formally sending in a few letters when she believed, like you, that Will should not have been put into the field.

“You can give Jack all the hell you want but until the FBI looks into it, nothing will happen. And Will’s entire life has changed due to Jack’s actions. It deserves to be documented.” You nodded, a smile gracing your face. She put her hand on your cheek and made you look at her which you did. “You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah well,” you shrugged. “This has put a rare smile on my face,” you promised. She pursed her lips. She looked into your eyes and moved her hand away but she still looked concerned.

“I’m doing everything in my power to make sure that Will Graham has a fair trial and that he isn’t convicted.”

“Because you think he did it but he wasn’t in the right mind,” you muttered.

“You do too right?”

“I don’t think he did it period.” She shook her head.

“Then who did? And don't’ say Hannibal otherwise I’m going to have to throw you in the hospital.” You shook your head. You felt tired. You hadn’t been getting much sleep. It was probably an attachment issue when it came down to it. Not being able to sleep beside Will was harder than you thought it would be. The bed always felt cold. Other than that, you had been worried about Will here. Your mind wandered when you tried to sleep about everything that was going through his head. You had the dogs. He had Frederick Chilton.

“I don’t know who did it Alana. I would like to converse with my boyfriend about that but Chilton has limited visiting hours the bastard.”

“I’ll try and talk with him. We’re sort of friendly. I think I yelled at him about something a while back but he doesn’t seem to remember it.” You nodded and handed her back the papers on Jack.

“Make him pay.” She nodded.

“I will.”

The phone rang as you sat on the porch with the dogs. Winston sat in front of you while the others played and whined at the door. He had been doing that on and off since Will was arrested. You picked up the phone and pet Winston, trying your best to calm him down.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Bev said. You tried to make some emotion come out when you spoke next but nothing emerged.

“Hey.” Bev cleared her throat. You didn’t want to fight her. You truly had no interest in it. In fact, Bev had always been in your corner so the worry that she might not be today would have made your heart hurt if it wasn’t already pretty numb with bitterness.

“I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing,” she said.

“As well as you may expect. But I appreciate you calling.” She hummed.

“I’m sorry this happened. I know you didn’t ever agree with Jack.” You scoffed.

“You could say that again.” She laughed lightly.

“I’m going to see Will soon. For help on this case. Jack doesn’t know. But I kinda wanted to tell you first so that he didn’t tell you and then you were by default pissed at me.” You weren’t very pleased to hear that but there wasn’t much else you could do.

“I would go in saying you support him or something. He might help you more.”

“Thank you.”

Hannibal noticed you at the desk. He wasn’t having many patients and didn’t expect to see you. You still had on your coat and looked like you weren’t staying. But still, you looked over the computer and let out a sigh.

“Do you need something?” he asked. You looked up, surprised to see him. He also didn’t look like he was staying. “I thought I gave you a few days off.” He knew he did. He did it explicitly.

“I just thought I left the necklace Will gave me here. I guess not. It’s probably in his car but I have no idea where he put the keys,” you said and laughed dryly in remembrance of sweeter times. “Where are you off to?”

“I have to go and see a crime scene,” he said. Your eyes went wide and another dry laugh left your lips.

“Nice to see you ‘the new Will Graham’,” you muttered.

“I don’t think Jack intended it to be like that.” You shook your head.

“No because you can’t be nearly as good at it as Will was.” Hannibal was the only person to notice the shift in your emotions correctly. Not from happy to sad. It was from normal to bitter. He would likely see the same shift in Will Graham if he decided to go see him.

“Would you like to come?”

“Is that the best idea? Doing my boyfriends old job with Jack Crawford watching me like I was going to slip up at any given second?” Hannibal shrugged.

“Perhaps it would be good for you. Step where Will once did.” You shook your head.

“Thanks Hannibal but I can’t today. Maybe another murder.”

“Off to see Will?”

“Off to attempt to see Will. Perhaps have a fist fight with Frederick Chilton. I’ll decide in the car.” Hannibal laughed lowly and walked over to you. He put a hand on your arm and you leaned into his touch, happy someone was touching you.

“If you ever need a dinner,” he started and you nodded.

“I’ll call.”

“You’re not worried about what Will says about me are you?” he asked. You shrugged.

“I don't know yet. I just have to talk to him.” Hannibal nodded and you looked up at him. “I care about you Hannibal.” He was silent for a moment and then hugged you, placing his hand on the back of your head.

“I care about you as well.” And for once, Hannibal was not lying.

Chilton shook his head.

“You will only hinder his therapy,” he said simply. You shook your head and walked up to his desk.

“Do you think for one second I would do anything that could cause Will to be this bad ever again? I can’t simply not see him.”

“What if he doesn’t want to see you?” Chilton asked. You were stumped at that. Your face fell.

“Did he say that?”

“Not in so many words. Just maybe that it would be better for you to live a life on your own.” You shook your head and a small smile went over your lips.

“You’re lying.”

“How would you know?”

“Because I know Will Graham better than anyone in this whole world and he is just conceited and rude enough to tell you to go to hell before saying that about me.” Chilton looked up at you from his spot behind his desk. You stared hard into his eyes.

“Alright,” he muttered. “Once a week. Thirty minutes.” You nodded, happy your point had been made. “Come back tomorrow.” You nodded and turned around, taking your small victory with you out the door.

“How was Dr. Bloom’s visit?” Hannibal asked. He sat across from Chilton at dinner in his home.

“He asked her to hypnotize him to recover memories. This is delicious,” he muttered, pointing at the food.

“Was he successful?”

“Only in playing Dr. Bloom. It’s sad to see a brilliant psychiatrist fall for such hoary old chestnuts,” Chilton said simply.

“She wants to believe him. I do, too.” Chilton looked disappointed at that and looked down at his plate, then back at Hannibal.

“Will’s girlfriend paid me a visit earlier. She seems like a piece of work. I understand why they go so well together.” Hannibal shrugged. Chilton could tell he was acting as though he were indifferent despite clearly having a side. He just wasn't sure which side that was.

“She’s stubborn but rightly so,” Hannibal said.

“What, you think I should let her see him? I agreed to once a week but I’m still on the fence.” Chilton chewed on a bite.

“I don’t see how it could hurt. In fact, if you plan to utilize the cameras and audio you might get something out of it,” Hannibal suggested. He was very aware that Chilton wanted nothing to do with something he couldn’t get a thing out of.

Chilton thought this over.

“Perhaps I could give her a few extra minutes. If you think that would be wise.” Hannibal shrugged.

“Maybe I could think about it.”

Hannibal sat in the car with you outside of the hospital.

“Will has made accusations against me. Very serious ones,” Hannibal said.

“Again, I’ll make up my mind about those when I talk with him.” You weren’t sure why you were so nervous. It was just Will. You weren’t scared of Will or anything. Perhaps it was the anticipation.

“But bear in mind who you know me to be,” he said. You nodded and thought really hard about what you knew Hannibal to be.

“You hid the fact that Abigail killed someone,” you muttered. “Who says you weren’t the murderer after all?”

“You and Will also hid that. Perhaps you’re the murderer.”

“If I was the murderer Jack Crawford would be sprawled very neatly across a particular place,” you muttered bitterly.

“I don’t doubt that,” Hannibal said chuckling. You turned to him and he held your hand, squeezing it once. “Best of luck.”

You got out of the car.

The walk to the cell was a long one. It was odd, the anticipation of knowing Will was so close. When he came into view his eyes were closed. At the sound of your footsteps they opened.

He turned to you slowly and you smiled subtly.

“Where were you?”

“Fishing,” he whispered.

“Sorry I interrupted.” He shook his head.

“I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.” You walked up to the bars and put your hands on them. He did the same, your hands touching. He was warm but not boiling as he had been when he had that nasty fever.

“I only have like, 30 minutes.” He nodded.

“Step back to the white line ma’am!” the guard at the end of the hall called. You turned around but didn’t move an inch.

“No!” you called back. Will laughed dryly.

“You’re supposed to be scared of me,” he whispered. You shook your head.

“Ma’am!” The guards walked over to you and you shook your head angrily, stepping back to the line, so far away from Will. But you didn’t want to be kicked out.

“I’m not scared of him,” you said to the guard.

“Doesn’t matter. The white line,” he said to you. You nodded stiffly and he walked away. The distance felt greater than it really was. When the guard closed the door at the end of the hall you stepped back to the bars.

“You’ve never followed any rules have you?” he asked, laughing.

“Not once. Now go on.”

“I resurfaced a memory.” You nodded, gesturing for him to go on. “Chilton can hear us.”

“That was the memory?”

“No,” he said and laughed a bit. “Just telling you we need to be quiet.” You nodded. “Hannibal shoved that ear down my throat.”

“Abigails?”

“No the other one.” You nodded, accepting your ignorance.

“And you think he did all this?”

“I know that they already looked at him and Beverly looked over everything but I know he did this. When i remember what happened to me I can tell you more.” You looked at the ground.

“Did he do stuff to you while I was in the other room?” Will shook his head.

“Don’t blame yourself.”

“I do. I blame myself for letting this happen and if Hannibal, no matter how much I like him, did this to you than how can I ever-”

“Just don’t trust him.”

“He’s all I have out there. Him and Alana. And the dogs.”

“How are the dogs?” he asked.

“Winston misses you. Sometimes he thinks he misses you more than I do,” you whispered.

“You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping.”

“Neither do you. But I like not cutting the hair,” you muttered and messed with his curls. He gripped your hand tighter around the bar. “I wish you could come home.”

“Me too. Honestly.”

“Soon,” you promised. “Alana has some things she wants to look into.”

“And I keep firing lawyers.”

“FBI lawyers,” you corrected. “I would too.” You looked at your watch and he glanced over to it as well.

“20 more minutes,” he whispered. His eyes caught yours and he gestured for you to sit down. You both did. “Tell me about your day.”

2x02

#will graham x reader #will graham imagines #hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal lecter imagines #hannibal lecter x reader x will graham #will graham x reader x hannibal lecter

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thegreenwolf · 5 years ago

Photo

(This post was originally posted on my blog at https://thegreenwolf.com/its-okay-to-not-hustle/)

There’s this meme going around Facebook right now, saying “If you don’t come out of this quarantine with a new skill, your side hustle started, or more knowledge, you never lacked time. You lacked discipline.” Thankfully multiple people have already skewered it, but it continues to be shared around by the sort of person who is trying to one-up everyone else, or who’s just plain clueless–or, for that matter, just trying to guilt you into buying whatever they’re selling.

Now, there’s not a damned thing wrong with self-promotion. That’s how indie artists, authors, and other self-employed folks get the word out. You have to be able to talk good talk in order to get people’s attention. But leading with this meme? Guilting people for not leaping from sudden unemployment straight into the thick of the ever-shifting gig economy? That ain’t gonna fly, Brocephus.

You Have Good Reasons to Slack

Excuse me while I dust off my counseling psych degree a sec, here. *ahem* We are in a very sensitive, turbulent time right now. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, the likes of which hasn’t been seen in a century in the Western world. We are in a hugely traumatizing situation here. Not just for the financial losses, but the fact that COVID-19 has killed thousands of people and left many more with permanent lung damage. We still haven’t gotten a handle yet on exactly how contagious this thing is, how long you’re contagious for, or whether you’re immune once you’ve had it, assuming you survive. We don’t have adequate testing, emergency rooms estimate that for every positive test there are 10-20 people out there infected and untested, and everyone with a cough is suddenly Schroedinger’s COVID case. Governments worldwide are slow to react in spite of the rising death toll. People have had friends and family die horribly from this thing in a short period of time. Even people who didn’t already have issues with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses are feeling stressed, strained and scared–and, yes, traumatized. This image is guilt-tripping people who are actively being traumatized.

So we’re already starting with a populace that is dealing with this collective trauma, as well as whatever personal trauma each individual is experiencing. Not always easy to seize the day when you’re going through that. And I can think of a few other reasons that might further complicate this whole “Just get a side gig!” thing:

–They’re a parent who suddenly has all their kids at home, all the time, demanding time and attention and food, AND they still have to work eight hours a day from home, or maybe even more if their S.O. is unemployed/sick/etc. By the way, if someone trots out Isaac Newton or William Shakespeare or some other historical guy who managed to do epic things during a pandemic, remember that they usually had wives or servants to do all the laundry and cooking and cleaning and (if applicable) childcare for them.

–They’re disabled or chronically ill, and don’t have the ability/energy/etc. to just go and make something happen, just like that. Imagine if you just randomly got the fatigue from a really bad flu, and you never knew whether it was going to last a day or a month. And if you tried exerting yourself when you were feeling better, chances are you’d slip back into fatigue-land. That’s what a lot of my chronically ill/etc. friends have to deal with, to say nothing of issues with accessibility of resources for starting a side gig.

–They don’t have any money for the supplies needed to start a side hustle, or the supplies have been hoarded by hobbyists preparing for a Pandemic Staycation.

–They don’t have the skills for something that just requires what they already have (like, for example, writing on a laptop you already happen to own). Often these skills are things that can’t be perfected in a few weeks at home, but may take years to develop before they’re really marketable–like, for example, the skill to make a decent living on side hustles.

–They have anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions that make it hard to function even in the best of times, but even moreso in this…well…mess. Even people who were mentally healthy before are going to be developing diagnosable anxiety and depression disorders before all’s said and done. And speaking from personal experience, those of us who look successful on the outside can still be internally hamstrung by these conditions at times.

–Plus there’s the fact that we’re not supposed to, you know, leave our homes, which narrows down the field of potential side gigs by a lot.

Even doing something less financially-wrought like learning a new skill or subject takes time, energy, and sometimes money, any or all of which may be scarce for the reasons above and more.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I am saying all of this as someone who is arguably an expert on the side gig. I have spent the past eight and a half years 100% self-employed (and a lot longer doing it part-time) as an author and artist, able to cover all my bills and expenses, and for a time I was the primary breadwinner of a multi-person household. I have like ten different things I was doing for a living before this all hit, a pretty diverse set of streams of income, even if most of them just up and evaporated in the past few weeks. And while I’m definitely a hell of a lot leaner now than I was a month ago, I still have my head above water for the moment. So I think I know side gigs.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m overall healthy. I have a dog who is a lot less demanding of my time than kids would be. I have my own space where I can focus more or less without interruption. More importantly, I have the skills, the knowhow, the drive and the personality to go out and seek new opportunities. And I’m used to fluctuations in income, though admittedly this one’s unprecedented. Don’t gauge yourself by where I am now. I’ve spent twenty-two years building up my art business, my first book came out in 2006, and I’ve had a series of really good opportunities come my way that I had the privilege to be able to make the most of. I am not your measuring stick, so don’t say “Well, if she can do it why can’t I? I must suck!”

If you’re feeling crappy because you aren’t hopping to it and carpeing the diem and getting everything done, here’s what I have to say to you: Look, you just had your world turned upside-down. Job loss, scarce commodities, sudden lack of outside childcare, restricted movement and inability to be around much of your support system, and did I mention a pandemic is happening, too? Any single one of those things would be difficult for just about anyone to deal with, never mind all at once. And I don’t even know what all else has already been going on in your life–unstable or unsafe living situation, other health issues, breakups and other losses, interpersonal conflicts. You know, normal life stuff.

You’re Not Lazy, or Screwing Up, or (Gods Forbid) Undisciplined

It is totally okay if all you’re doing right now is surviving. It’s okay if you feel like you’re drowning, overwhelmed by all that’s happening both on a global level and more personally. It’s okay if all you can manage right now is to get out of bed and stumble through each day a moment at a time, struggling with a tidal wave of emotions. It’s okay if you’re just trying to keep your kids busy, dealing with a crowded home every single day, or trying to keep COVID-19 at bay. It’s okay if, instead of firing up DuoLingo or opening an Etsy shop, you spend your evenings vegging to Netflix or reading a book or playing hours and hours of Animal Crossing.

Not every moment in your life has to be about being productive even in the best of circumstances, and that goes exponentially so right now. Be patient with yourself, and be kind. You may be one of those folks who literally has to spend all their time scrabbling to try to cover the bills or get some leeway from bill collectors, and you have to dedicate your waking time hunting for resources just to try to get through this week. Believe me, I feel for you, I have a lot of friends in that situation right now, and I hope all of you can find some relief and assistance.

May I suggest something? If you have the energy for something more than the bare essentials of getting by, put that energy toward self-care, whatever you can manage under the circumstances. You can use it to recuperate, to rebuild your emotional and physical resilience. That way if things get rough again in the future, you have more internal reserves to build on. If your usual methods don’t work or aren’t accessible due to lockdown, ask others what they’re doing to keep themselves grounded in this trying time.

Just because you have more time doesn’t mean you don’t have to throw yourself right into something productive! Don’t feel pressured to just go-go-go the moment you have a little freedom to move. If you do decide you want to try a side gig, or a new skill, or learn all about some specialized topic of interest, go for it! If you have the energy and attention and opportunity to pursue something new, it can be a great coping skill during this traumatic time. Just don’t pressure yourself; keep it fun.

One last thing: I want you to save the image I have at the top of this post. And then if you see someone post that meme, saying “Come on, you lazy bums, get up and make that side gig happen! Learn new stuff! Do all the things! No excuses!” you pull out this version, and you look at the edits, you remember that it’s okay to be where you are, and you get back to doing things at your own pace no matter what someone else says. (I find visualizing stapling a printout of the edited version to the offender’s forehead to also be therapeutic, but that may just be me.)

Hang in there, okay? It’s going to be a rough time, but you’re not alone, and what you’re feeling right now is shared by so many people. So just let yourself be where you are in this moment, and we’ll see what hope tomorrow brings. And remember that whatever you’re capable of in this moment: it’s enough.

Did you enjoy this post? Please consider supporting my work on Patreon, buying my books here on my website, buying my art and books on Etsy, or tipping me at Ko-fi!

#COVID-19 #mental health #executive dysfunction #anxiety #depression #mine

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xuxszx · 4 years ago

Text

sofa | Henry Cavill

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader

Henry has been home for two weeks. He saw that something was wrong with Y/N. She greeted him with a short kiss and didn't even let him hug him. Not to mention sex. She was cold. She kept her distance. And Henry wanted to know what was behind it. What happened. What could he do wrong?

Y/N was jealous.

Seeing Henry in the Netflix's 'The Witcher' was amazing, but seeing Henry kissing Anya with his language, the way he looked at her and his hips brushing her crotch in known scenes - all this made Y/N was furious. She had never felt this way in her life.

She'd been hiding her feelings for the whole two weeks, and now that she had her period, she just exploded.

Y/N was sarcastic all day. Whenever she saw Henry, she rolled her eyes at him. Under her breath she still called him an asshole.

In addition, she lay in the living room on the sofa with Kal and watched Apple's 'Defending Jacob'. Being part of this series was very important to her. It turned out that playing Chris's wife was extremely easy, and Evans was charming. In no case could he compare to Henry.

No one could compare to him. Henry William Dalgliesh Cavill was the man of her dreams. Always charming, caring, loved and compelling. He was all she wanted. Y/N wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Give him children and love him every day, and when the hard time comes, support him.

Y/N was a mess. She was so jealous and so mad at herself, Henry and Anya. At herself, because watching Henry with another woman she felt insecure and not worth the man like Cavill. At Henry, because he kissed Anya the way he should only kiss Y/N. And at Anya, because she spent time with him when Y/N missed him like never before in her life.

"Honey, I'm going for a run" she heard Henry, who was putting on his running sneakers in the hall. As usual, he was wearing a London Rugby Team cap. It was already evening, so the fact that Henry was going to run at this time instead of morning clearly indicated that something was wrong.

"Go to hell" she muttered, still furious. Kal shifted uneasily at the tone of her voice. And she scratched his ear in response and Akita was calmer now, just the opposite of Y/N.

"Can you tell me what's wrong with you? You've been acting like you've been having a problem for the past two weeks and I'm jumping like an idiot around you and I don't even know what's biting you," said Cavill, nervous. Frustrating such an oasis of peace was difficult. Damn hard. However, Y/N has mastered it almost to perfection.

"Of course, because I make the problem where it is not," she snapped. Emotions took over her. She couldn't control us. "Anya would probably be more forgiving, huh?"

"Is that it? Are you jealous of her?" he asked, worried. They had been together for almost four years and never showed jealousy for a moment. They both knew that what they felt was too strong for either of them to ruin. No one could separate them.

"I'm not fucking jealous!" she shouted loudly, and scared Kal fled from the living room to the kitchen. Henry and Y/N almost never argued. Even if something bad appeared in their relationship, they always solved it. Bad emotions tame in the bedroom for several long hours in their arms.

"So what's going on?" he asked again, rubbing his forehead with nervousness. Henry didn't like vague situations. And Y/N has always made it clear and transparent. And now something was definitely bothering her and Henry wanted to know what.

"You're going on and who else?" she replied. Pissed to the limit, she got up from the sofa. She had had enough for today. When she wanted to walk past the man without even looking at him, Henry grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him. Y/N bounced off his chest and looked at him sharply. They both looked at each other furiously.

"You can't just leave the room, Y/N!" he warned her. Henry has never wanted to get her over her knee so much and take care of her naughty ass. "Talk to me, damn it."

"I don't feel like it," she growled and wrenched her hand free from his grip. A moment later, Henry was alone in the living room, and Y/N locked herself in their bedroom and seemed to be sleeping separately today.

It was literally the middle of the night when Y/N still couldn't sleep. Next to her, Kal snored loudly, who was tired of the day like her. Her eyes ached from constant rubbing and crying. In fact, her anger was over and now she was just sad. She knew that she had caused Henry a fuss over her stupidity and uncertainty. She should apologize to him. She should explain it to him. But how was she to tell him that for the first time in her life she felt too small, too not perfect to be with someone like him.

She swallowed more tears and went downstairs to the living room. Henry looked asleep. He had one hand behind his head and the other on his stomach, and his left knee was sticking out of the sofa. His eyebrows were drawn and his hair was disheveled. He was shirtless.

"Are you sleeping?" she asked, pushing his thigh with her knee. Henry, without a word, picked up a piece of blanket that was covered, encouraging Y/N to lie next to him. The girl did it right away, put her head on his chest, and put her leg over his hips. Henry covered her with a blanket and wrapped his arms around her. And now Y/N burst into tears like a small child.

"Shhhh. Don't cry, honey," he said, kissing her forehead tenderly. He patiently wiped tears from her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," said Y/N when she calmed down a little. "I just ... I don't know why I was jealous. I already saw you kissing other women on the screen. For example from Amy. I had no problem and now I don't know ..."

"I kissed Amy before we were together," Henry interrupted. "And now we are together and this is my first role, where I kiss a woman other than you," he said. From the beginning of today's quarrel he knew that Y/N was jealous. He just didn't know why. And he understood that now.

"There is something to it. I just ... When I saw you kiss Anya with this tongue and so passionately ... I don't know something burst in me. And I was afraid ..." she murmured slightly embarrassed. Admitting any weakness was not her strength.

"Were you afraid?" he asked surprised. Henry did not think that he could hurt her with his behavior. After all, it was just taking a role in the series. Nothing but friendship united him with Anya.

"Yes. That I will lose you. That you will understand that I am not good enough," she whispered. Her blush was getting bigger every moment. After all, she was always confident. She knew what she could and couldn't do.

"How much of what has come to your mind is caused by the hate of my supposed fans?" Henry asked. Since he told the world that his girlfriend is Y/N, some of his fans, especially the female part, did not leave a dry thread on her.

"A lot," she said, burying her face in his chest. "There is no day that I don't see a comment somewhere that I owe everything to you. That because of you I got a role alongside a star like Chris. That if it wasn't for you, nobody would be interested in my paintings for the foundation," she calculated. Recently, she received more and more negative messages. People criticized her at every turn. Even when film critics rated her acting at a very high level, people said that he owed everything to his relationship with Henry. For all of them it was not enough. And so she finally felt.

"Bullshit," Henry snapped. The night was definitely not the best time for such talks. They were both already tired. Y/N's face resembled a large, swollen tomato, and Henry did not know how to force people to stop being so terrible to her. "Y/N look at me. You are the best woman I have ever fallen in love with. Has my friendship with Chris in any way helped you gain this role? No. You went to the casting and they decided that you were good. Did I help you get the role of Mera in 'Aquaman'? Neither. You must learn not to bother about people you don't even know, honey. Otherwise it will lose you, "Henry comforted her." I love you just the way you are. Even on your hard days during the period, "he added, laughing loudly. Y/N wrinkled his nose funny and puffed his dissatisfied mouth in response. Henry pulled her even closer and kissed her breathless." You really could have chosen another day to argue. How will we reconcile without sex?" he laughed and Y/N hit him playfully in the shoulder. Sometimes he was impossible.

A moment later, they both heard Kal barking and his loud claws stamping on the stairs. Akita jumped without an invitation to the sofa and settled himself comfortably at their feet. He looked at them for a short while and he was pleased.

"Do you know that I was going to propose to you?" Henry murmured, gently massaging his beloved's shoulder. Y/N almost fell asleep, but hearing his words woke up immediately.

"So you don't want anymore?" she asked.

"I was sure you would break up with me. But now I will have to come up with something spectacular," he kissed her forehead again.

"First of all, I would be the stupidest woman in this world if I broke up with you. Second, after today's day of impressions, you can probably let it go with something spectacular," Y/N said and snuggled into Cavilla like a little koala. "Henry?" she asked after almost twenty minutes.

"I'm listening, Y/N" he murmured tiredly. It was almost three in the morning and they were still awake. Only Kal snored like the huge bear he was.

"If this sofa breaks someday ... Promise me we'll fix it ... That we won't throw it away."

"I promise. We'll fix whatever goes wrong," he promised. Henry knew that this request wasn't just for the sofa. Y/N was still scared to some extent. And Henry promised himself that he would do everything so that this would never happen again.

Let me know what you think ❤️ Well, I have mixed feelings 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tag list: @hatedyoufromhello @hnryycvll @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @wondersofdreaming @thethirstyarchive @yespolkadotkitty @onlyhenrys @avengersandlovers @supersweetstache @dangerouslovefanfic @fumbling-fanfics @laketaj24 @littlefreya @viking-raider @beautifullmelodyxx @mary-ann84 @mrsaugustwalker @speechlessxx @deactivatedyssb @fishcustardandclintbarton

#henry cavill daddy #henry cavill x you #henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill x y/n #xuxszxfanfiction

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kalaluchi · 4 years ago

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chapter 06: anime

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“Hey, nice wings!”

“Sorry, what?”

Marinette suddenly wanted to bury herself in a hole from embarrassment.

The moment Adrien walked in that morning, she’d noticed the telltale Wings of Freedom keychain hanging from his bag. And, sure, they’d been talking on end for nearly a month now. But still she’d spent the whole day just working up the courage to approach him and mention the keychain, thinking maybe, finally, they’d have something more to talk about other than school work and the occasional small talk, because mostly he talked about things she already knew from stalking him… not like she was going to tell him that, though.

And yet… yet he stood there, obvious confusion in his gorgeous green eyes, with a perfectly shaped eyebrow raised, like he had no idea what in the world she meant. Like the silver item was absolutely not hanging from the strap of his bag. Even though it so was.

Hence-- the want to bury herself in a hole. Ever the brave heroine, Marinette instead swallowed hard and forced a smile. “Hanging on your bag. It’s Wings of Freedom from Attack on Titan. I thought you having it meant you’d watched AOT. I guess not? You should though, it’s one of my favorite shows. Uh, I mean, not that you have to, you know, of course, I mean, who am I to force you to watch something, I just meant--”

Adrien cut her off with a chuckle. “Oh! I forgot I left that hanging there. I actually have watched it though. I remember binging it one summer a few years back.” His smile to himself, probably remembering simpler times.

Marinette relaxed, and grinned. “I know what you mean. My parents used to get mad at me for sneaking down at midnight to watch episodes as soon as they were released. Uh, so are there any other animes you like, or is it just that one…?”

“I used to watch a lot, but that was back when I had a lot of time, you know?” He ran a hand through his hair nonchalantly. (How did he do that so effortlessly…)

“Mhm!” Marinette nodded emphatically, mesmerized. “Me too! Uh, hey! Why don’t we, uh, watch something… together? There’s an anime I’ve been wanting to watch, but I haven’t… had a solid enough reason to. Although, of course, we don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she added hastily. “I-I just thought it’d be fun, you know, since we both hadn’t watched in a while--”

“Sounds fun!”

“I mean, I don’t expect you to agree, I-- what did you say?”

Adrien chuckled. “I said, ‘sounds fun.’ What did you want to watch?”

“Uh.” Still reeling from the shock that he’d agreed so quickly, Marinette pulled out her phone. “I forgot the name, but I’m pretty sure I had it on a list, lemme check.” She unlocked it and scrolled through her notes.

Once she found it, she grinned triumphantly, feeling lucky that she’d managed to get this far in the conversation. “Here, it’s called, uh… ah.”

Marinette suddenly felt shy, her luck all gone. It seemed like cruel fate that this particular anime was next on her list, for her and Adrien to watch together. She cleared her throat. “It’s, uhm, called Kaguya-sama: Love is War. You might not like the genre, though, so it’s okay if you wanna watch something else…” Please let him want to watch something else. I won’t be able to take this internal torture, Marinette pleaded to the skies silently.

Instead, Adrien’s eyes shone excitedly. “Oh, I’ve heard of that! The one where the guy and the girl like each other, but neither wants to lower their pride and admit it, right? So they come up with situations to force the other one to confess? They’re so funny-- it's adorable!”

“More like relatable,” Marinette coughed to herself.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that…?”

Marinette forced a laugh. “I said, ‘yup! Adorable.’”

“So, when should we start watching? You free Saturday night?”

“Sure,” she said immediately, not one to turn down a possible? date with her crush.

Then her brain caught up with her heart, and she groaned. Saturday nights were movie-night-with-Alya nights… she was sure the brunette would not let a boy overrule movie nights. Even if that boy were radiant… carefree… dreamy… Adrien.

But what if… she merged movie night and anime night? Anyway, it was her turn to host movie night and choose what to watch. She had a feeling Alya would enjoy watching Kaguya-sama, especially knowing its summary… Marinette really didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Alya’s schemes yet again, but if it made it possible to watch with Adrien and Alya… she supposed it would be worth it just this once.

“Something wrong?”Adrien’s voice cut in, his brow creased. “If you’re not free Saturday night, it’s cool we can resched.”

“No! We’re good, I’m good, you’re handsome-- I mean, it’s… awesome.” She cringed inwardly. “I can definitely do Sat, no prob-o. But, uh… is it okay if I invite Alya? I mean, the more the merrier, right?”

She almost thought Adrien looked disappointed at this, but if he were, he hid it well. “Cool, I love Alya,” he said easily, grinning. (Marinette chose to ignore the pang that hit her at this. Why just Alya? How about an ‘I love Marinette’ as well? She fought the urge to sigh.) “We can invite Nino as well so it’s… even more fun I guess?”

“Mhm, sounds like a plan. I’ll tell Alya, and you tell Nino?”

“Okay,” he said, waving goodbye and heading to his seat as the bell rang for class.

‘I’ll tell Alya,’ huh? A lot easier said than done, Marinette thought, unsure how to break the news to her best friend.

“Alya,” Marinette started an hour later, after planning out an entire speech and writing down bullet points to rebut any arguments her best friend might have.

It all went out the window when the latter held up a hand, giving the ravenette a knowing smile.

“No need to explain, I know.”

“Wha--”

“Considering we sit beside each other, you pass on information pretty slowly. It’s been, like, 2 periods…”

Marinette spluttered, “I-- how-- who-- what.”

Alya held up her phone and waved it around. “Hello? These exist? Nino texted me the second our break ended… (Though why he didn’t just… tell me outright… I have no idea.) We’ve been texting back and forth, planning.”

Marinette practically sagged in relief. “Oh, thank goodness.” She let out the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. “Alya, you are absolutely the bestest friend ever, I don’t deserve you--��

“Hold your horses, don’t get all sappy on me yet,” Alya interrupted, holding up a finger. “You’re not cleared yet. One: I never thought you’d be the type of girl to ditch her best friend as soon as she got a boyfriend--”

“He’s not--!”

“--but,” Alya continued, ignoring Marinette’s profuse protests, “I completely forgive you, because I know you, and I know your heart often speaks before your brain can, and I know that you would never ditch me on purpose, especially when our agreement came first.”

Marinette gave the brunette the best puppy-dog eyes she could manage. “Alyaaaaa, you know I love you, right?”

Alya rolled her eyes playfully. “Yes, girl, I know. Now put that expression away, it's creeping me out,” she laughed. “And I know you’re going to ask, so yes, there is a way to make it up to me, and that is: you have to invite Adrien to watch with you… like physically. Not over video call like we sometimes do. I want there to be popcorn and blankets and everything. If you two end up cuddling, even better.”

“Cuddling?!” Marinette whisper-shouted, beet red. “Wh-why would we--! I don’t want to--! mean, yes, it would be nice, but we are just friends. Okay?”

The brunette laughed at her best friend’s reaction. “You got it. But do we have a deal? You invite your boy over, I’ll come up with an excuse not to go, you bring me two packs of my favorite candy for our next movie night-- and I do not dwell over the fact that you forgot me, your best friend forever, when making plans with Adrien, the love of your life.”

Marinette wisely opted to ignore that last bit Alya said, and nodded firmly, shaking the latter’s outstretched hand.

“Deal.”

Adrien was packing his bag when Marinette walked up to him at the end of the day.

“Hey, Adrien, about our anime thing on Saturday--”

“Anime?” a voice interrupted snarkily. Marinette turned and found none other than Chloe Bourgeois standing behind her, one hand on her hip. “You seriously still watch that stuff? Isn’t it, like, for kids or something?” She let out a laugh. “Although I don’t know why I expected any different from you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Marinette was about to shoot back a retort when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Chloe,” Adrien said patiently, “we’ve talked about this. Anime isn’t just for kids. Remember how our parents wouldn’t let us watch Attack on Titan when we were 9 because it was scary? Anime can actually have different genres and all, and I think that’s pretty neat. I’m pretty excited actually to start a new one with Marinette.” (Marinette thought she’d faint at this. But she managed to keep her cool.)

“Oh, Adrikins, I totally agree!” Chloe said sweetly, batting her eyelashes. (Marinette fought the urge to throw up.) “I was only joking with Marinette, of course! Ha ha! Like friends do! I love anime! So, about this new show-- maybe I could watch it with you, hmm?”

“That okay with you, Marinette?”

Hell no. “Sure thing!”

This was going to be a disaster.

Adrien and Chloe showed up at her place 7pm that Saturday.

The plan was to binge as many episodes as they could. Marinette had set up her room with tons of pillows, so they could be comfortable watching from the floor. (Well… her and Adrien anyway. She was 99% sure Chloe would get just bored immediately and end up scrolling through social media, but whatever.)

They made their way up to her room after they’d greeted her parents. (Marinette did her best to ignore the raised eyebrows her parents gave her, silently asking about Chloe’s presence. She herself honestly had no idea what to say about it.) Chloe flopped onto the couch in the middle of the room, crossing her legs as she unlocked her phone. Typical. But Marinette really hadn’t expected anything else, so she ignored the blonde.

She set up the TV and brought bowls of popcorn to the piles of pillows where Adrien sat. She shyly took a seat beside him, grinning as she hit the play button.

They both settled in as the first episode began playing, starting with a speech likening love to war, wherein the person who falls in love first loses.

Marinette frowned at that. She wanted to disagree, but she kept her mouth shut when she saw the way Adrien was engrossed in watching. She noted the way his lips turned up at every joke and mouthed the words to the theme song.

She felt her heart squeeze at the sight. The opening speech be damned, she’d never feel like she was on the losing side if she got the chance to fall in love with this precious boy.

Marinette looked at his hand on the floor, and tentatively reached out to put her own on top of his. So close--

She froze when she felt Chloe plop down beside her, ready to hear the blonde call her out on what she was trying to do. Instead, Chloe had her eyes glued to the TV, watching Kaguya and Shirogane’s antics with rapt interest. Marinette nearly jumped when the other girl burst out in laughter at Shirogane’s attempts to give love advice.

She still wanted to figuratively strangle Chloe for ruining her almost-moment, but as she watched both her companions drink in the show she’d put on, Marinette thought that this might not turn out to be so bad, after all.

“So, what did you think, Chloe?” Adrien asked as the three of them stood outside the bakery, waiting for Adrien’s and Chloe’s cars to pick them up.

“It was… okay,” she scoffed, going for a nonchalant tone. “Nothing special, I guess.”

(Chloe actually absolutely loved it, Marinette could tell, but of course the blonde would never for the life of her admit it.)

“But maybe they were kinda cute. I don’t see why people would flock to that kind of thing, though. I mean… where would you even download it, you know?” She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Not like I really want to know, duh. It was a rhetorical question, of course. Up to you if you want to answer, but I really couldn’t care less.”

Behind her back, Adrien and Marinette shared a smile and a fist bump. Marinette made it a point to loudly mention the name of the site they’d watched on, adding, “I mean, I’m sharing that just as a random fact, of course.”

Chloe typed something on her phone quickly, and huffed as her car pulled into the driveway. “Whatever, loser. Bye, Adrikins!” she said instead, getting in the backseat.

“Sorry about inviting Chloe,” Adrien immediately apologized once it was just the two of them. “I really didn’t know Alya wouldn’t be coming, and Nino only told me right before that he wouldn’t be able to make it. Sorry for ruining your night.”

“No worries,” she said lightly. And surprisingly, she meant it. Not only did she get to spend hours with her crush, she also got to see a different side of Chloe Bourgeois, a side that made her think maybe the blonde was human after all. “It was surprisingly fun even with her around. And I really enjoyed watching Kaguya. I… learned a lot.”

His eyes sparkled with amusement. “Really? What did you learn? Do enlighten me.”

“Your ride’s here,” she only said, pointing behind him.

He laughed. “What perfect timing, gave you an excuse to avoid my question. You must be hiding something.”

“I really don’t know what you mean,” she replied, grinning.

“Good night, Marinette,” he said, turning to leave.

“Good night, Adrien,” she echoed, stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets and watching the car drive away.

She looked up at the stars, remembering one of the episodes they’d just watched, and wondered what she’d do if she’d been in Kaguya’s shoes. She wanted to say she’d have been more firm about her feelings… but she had a feeling when the time came, she might find herself frozen in shock as well.

But one thing was for sure. There was no way she was going to deny her feelings any more. She most definitely liked Adrien Agreste as more than a friend, whether or not he liked her back. (Though of course she hoped it was the former.)

She was absolutely determined to make active decisions to get to know this blond-haired green-eyed boy more. No scheming and coming up with mind games to force him to confess. She’d confess if she had to, on her own terms.

And hopefully, hopefully, the day would come when she could say she’d won the war that they call love, and when she could say, without a doubt, that he was hers.

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#adrinette april 2021 #adrinette #miraculous ladybug #idk what im doing sorry #ml #mlb #mlbcn #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrienette #mlb fics #adrinetteapril2021 #kaguya-sama love is war #day 6: anime

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years ago

Note

The guys from Death Mark reacting to their SO getting cursed (make it as angsty as you want have fun)

Ahh, let’s see, let’s see...I will have Yashiki, Mashita, Daimon and Shou, I guess x

~~~~

Yashiki Kazuo

Oh, no no no, not again! Not you, out of all people, not YOU!

Yashiki has terrible PTSD from all the ghosts he encountered, all the anxiety and adrenaline he had surging through his veins, and all the terribly heart-breaking stories that he had the misfortune to find out, so you randomly getting the Mark will affect him the most.

He will be absolutely heart broken seeing the mark on your body, and the desperate fright pooling in your eyes, he would have done anything to swap places and have that mark on himself, and you to be safe and sound.

Yashiki would be a chaotic mess and would call all of the people he helped, to help him back, so you would definitely live, without any ounce of doubt.

He knew very well the hopelessness of accidentally destroying a ghost, instead of purifying it, and thus, having someone die before his very eyes, but you will be the exception.

No matter what, he will NOT let you die.

He will go to the ends of the world, getting himself in life-threatening danger, against both real people, and the supernatural, just to ensure your safety above all else.

He won’t rest even for a second until the ghost is done for, and when it disappears, he will run to you, rapidly taking away the piece of clothing covering your Death Mark, only to pull you into a crushing hug and will start sobbing, finally relieved that you are okay.

After this whole ordeal is all over, he will get overprotective over you and will, subtly or not, check out every inch of your skin to make sure you don’t get the Mark again, and he isn’t there to save you.

Not to mention, he will have nightmares again, and will wake up in a cold sweat because of it, and the only thing that would sooth him would be hugging you, and having the lights on.

Mashita Satoru

You are kidding, right?

You must be kidding.

There’s no way in hell you’d have the Death Mark, that shit is long gone, and there’s no way you would have it too.

But...The way you drew the design on your skin...So perfectly...And it wouldn’t come out...

What kind of stupid sorcery is this?!

He will be in a bit of a denial at first, only to get violent and punch a hole into a wall ( if it’s a false wall, obviously ) , then will go out on the balcony and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in one go to get himself in check, before going back to you and pulling you into a tight hug, one hand on the back of your head, the other on your back, and telling you that everything will be okay.

He already went again so many ghosts, what’s one more? And with the help of Yashiki, he’s unstoppable.

He couldn’t protect his mentor from being killed by the Cult, but he won’t make the same mistake again - He will protect you, even if it costs him his life.

Mashita knows he’s absolute shit at expressing himself and his feelings verbally, but at least through actions, he will make sure you know damn well he loves you to the moon and back, and nothing can stay between you and him.

He won’t even remember that he’s afraid of ghosts a little bit, or that could easily kill him any time - He’s just focused on saving you.

But gosh, he’d be a nightmare, especially with Yashiki - He’ll order him around, be more verbally aggressive, and will find any way to vent out his anger and frustrations if even the tiniest thing doesn’t go according to his plan.

By the end of it all, he will almost suggest the two of you get Yashiki to move in so he will make sure at least one person is there with you at all times...But he quickly dismisses that thought anyway, and will want to be the only knight in white-...Well, maybe more like a non-conventional Sherlock Holmes surrounded in an aura of cigarette smoke, but he will still protect you just as well, nonetheless.

“The thing you do with your own hands are the ones best done” is his motto.

For the first time since you’ve known him, he will decide to confess everything that’s happened in his life, and why he’s always so bitter towards the world, and how you are the only light in his life and would rather off himself than knowing you fell prey to those stupid ghosts.

You almost thought you dreamt it, but better remember what you witnessed that night, it will be the only night of vulnerability you will see from him.

Daimon Shuuji

Internally panics so hard that you thought his brain had a short circuit...Or he died on his feet.

His eyes look dead, straight into your eyes, but he doesn’t sketch any emotions...Nor does he move a muscle...Not even a single twitch.

You’d wave your hand in front of his face trying to catch any ocular movement, and even got the flashlight, and nothing.

Is he really not dead, though?

You started gradually worrying more and more, until you hear a faint, but really pained, “Fuck”, which shocked you beyond belief, since Daimon NEVER cursed around you.

He won’t even realise he said that, and would grab you and would start staring at your mark with a frown, having flashbacks of what happened when it happened to him.

Terrible time, would not recommend, 0/10 review.

Sighing, he took out his phone and contacted the Masquerade Squad, Yashiki, Mashita and Hiroo to help him out with this mess, since he knows very well he can’t do it all alone, but at least he’s thankful he can help sooth your worries and make sure you’re alright until they properly solve the ghostly mystery.

You know very well that his sickly predisposition usually makes him lethargic and cranky, enough to get a terrible reputation for the way he delivers news to his patients, but now, it’s like he’s a completely different person - So tender and gentle, only words of comfort and reassurance.

Daimon would cling on you like a baby sloth to his mother, as a way to keep you around him and make sure you don’t somehow disappear from him, just like how Hiroo got possessed while being alone, back at the Love Hotel, and then was set into a coma until those two purified the ghost.

After you’re all set and done, he will call his hospital and tell them that he needs a 1 month vacation, then talk to your employer for the same thing, and will get you to some nice resort, to relax and forget that such a horrific event ever happened in your life.

He will have a period of time during the beginning of your holiday when he’ll outright deny the existence of your Mark and that you virtually almost died, but then he saw that it was affecting you negatively, and decided to open up his heart and have a proper talk to you and explain everything that happened, why it happened, how he met everyone, his ghostly encounters.

He will admit to being scared out of his wits’ end and the fear of losing you kinda messed him up a bit.

Daimon knows very well that his health is failing, and if you were to die before him, it would crush him without fail, and there would be no remedy to mend his broken heart.

Nagashima Shou

Outright panic mode intensified by 100.

Would shriek and fall on the ground seeing the Mark on your skin.

What did you do? Where did you go? How did it happen? Do you still have all your memories intact? Do you remember who he is? Do you remember who you are?

Will pace in a circle around you, pulling at his hair and cursing constantly, forgetting that you are there for a second, before taking you by the shoulders and shaking you, his eyes glistering with tears as he desperately says that he won’t let you die, and will make sure the best ghost hunters will solve this issue, and -

- And will completely neglect to explain to you what the hell is going on, and really, you’re just super confused at everything going on and don’t understand the gravity of the situation, but will let him do as he pleases, even letting him take you with him on his motorbike to this big and ominous Mansion where a bunch of people were ready to help with this issue, but they all failed to explain what is going on.

In the end, you just kept treating it like some silly game, despite seeing the fright emanating from Shou, so you’d hold his hand and reassure him that everything will go fine.

You never believed in ghost, but shit, when you saw the monstruosity in front of you, all you could do was stare at it with your jaw dropped to the floor, shock and horror overwhelming the previous confusion, as you clinged on his jacket and tried to keep your composure.

When one of the detectives yelled at you to run away, he picked you up and breezed out of the haunted place, far away, until he got to the car, which is when he started panting and hugging you tightly, muttering “You will be alright” over and over again, almost as if to convince himself that.

All the time until Yashiki and Mashita came out of the haunted house, Shou held you tightly, almost to the point of depriving you of the much needed oxygen your lungs needed, and as soon as he spots them, he takes a look at your Mark, only to see it gone, then he clashes his lips on yours, so relieved that you were finally okay and all the drama was over for good.

When you return home, you make him a cup of hot chocolate and sit him down so he would finally explain to you properly - What the hell just happened - And it was only then that he realised he never told you about his own adventure with the Death Mark, nor did he explain that you were on the verge of death just now, so he feels really stupid, but laughs it off and says he was just too worried.

Shou will become just a bit more grateful to have you in his life, realising how short life can be, and how things work in weird ways, which will make him cherish and treasure you even more than he already did, if that’s even possible.

#death mark #death mark imagine #death mark x reader #yashiki kazuo #mashita satoru #daimon shuuji #nagashima shou #yashiki kazuo x reader #yashiki kazuo imagine #mashita satoru x reader #mashita satoru imagine #daimon shuuji x reader #daimon shuuji imagine #nagashima shou x reader #nagashima shou imagine #death mark yashiki #death mark mashita #death mark daimon #death mark shou

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not-oscar-wilde · 4 years ago

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Revived

The apocalypse has been averted, the timeline fixed, and the Hargreeves siblings returned to 2019. Herb decides to do them one more favour and save the life of one Dave Katz.

I wrote a new fic! read it below the cut or on AO3.

The pain in Dave’s chest was unbearable. Klaus was above him and he was speaking, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying. He wanted to comfort him, to stop him from panicking and tell him he loved him, but he couldn’t get the words out. He could only try and keep his eyes open, to keep his eyes on Klaus and try to psychically tell him everything he needed him to know, before the pain won out and everything turned black.

And then he woke up.

Though the room around him smelled sterile, it wasn’t like any hospital or medical tent he had ever been in before. He was lying in a crisp, white bed, with a myriad of wires attached to his body. Some of them he recognised, the IV drips were standard, but the majority were completely alien to him, from those puncturing his skin to those seemingly just stuck to it.

“Good afternoon, Mr Katz,” a smooth, female voice said in an accent that reminded him vaguely of movie stars. But when Dave looked around the room, he was completely alone, accompanied only by strangely flat screens he couldn’t see properly from his position on the bed. “Please remain calm. I have notified our Medical Team that you are awake and someone will be with you shortly.” There was something wrong about that voice, some kind indescribable, minute wrongness that unsettled him.

“Where am I?” he asked.

“You are in the Intensive Care Unit of the Temps Commission Infirmary, Room 9,” the voice said.

The Temps Commission Infirmary? He’d never heard of that hospital, and it definitely didn’t look American or Vietnamese. “The what? What happened? And who are you?”

“The Temps Commission Infirmary, attached to the headquarters of the Temps Commission. You were shot through the chest in A Shau Valley, Vietnam, February 21, 1968. I am VINA, your Virtual Infirmary Nursing Assistant.”

He’d been shot. He remembered it, remembered the pain, remembered the way Klaus had screamed and held him and how he hadn’t managed to say anything before the world had gone dark. What had happened to Klaus? To everyone? “How long have I been here?”

“You have been in the TCICU for three days, six hours, and thirty seven minutes.”

But when he brought his hand up to his chest, there were no dressings, just bare, unmarked skin. If he had been there for six days, if he’d been shot… He should be dead, or at the very least, heavily bandaged. Before he could think too much about that, a door slid open like something out of a sci-fi movie, and a tall, dark skinned woman with a serious face walked in. “Good afternoon, Mr Katz. My name is Doctor Onyeka Nwoye. How are you feeling?” she asked as she approached his bed, examining the screens. If there hadn’t been much stranger things going on, he would have been mildly surprised by a black lady doctor being sent in to treat him. He forgot, sometimes, that not everywhere was like Texas. But he was immensely glad of that fact, particularly if she’d been the one to fix him up.

“I’m good,” he said, and as confusing as it was, that was true. He shouldn’t be feeling good. He’d been shot, and he felt fine. That shouldn’t be happening.

“Any pain?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Good, that’s good. VINA, anything to report?”

“Mr Katz has not experienced any physical complications during the healing process. His body has responded well to the treatment and brain scans indicate that no neurological damage has occurred,” the disembodied voice said. The voice that didn’t belong to a person at all, if Dave had understood correctly. VINA had to be some kind of automaton, a computer that could speak. He didn’t much like that.

Doctor Nwoye nodded, a faint smile tugging at her lips. “A complete success, then. I would like to keep you under supervision for another twenty-four hours, but if I have no concerns at the end of this period, I see no need to keep you here any longer.” With that, she set about detaching the various wires from his body.

“Where is here? I know we’re in some kinda hospital, the… Commission?”

“Yes. We are an organisation dedicated to fixing, monitoring, and eliminating timeline anomalies,” she said, as if that made any kind of sense. “And, in exceptional circumstances, minimising potential disruptions.”

Dave frowned, trying to translate her words into something close to regular English. He knew he wasn’t that stupid, but he sure felt it. “So I’m a- what was it? A timeline anomaly?”

“I am a doctor, not an analyst. I cannot tell you who or what the timeline anomalies are.”

“Were you there, when I got shot?” he asked instead.

Dr Nwoye laughed and shook her head. “Oh Lord, no. I do not have the disposition for time travel, and I think my wife would have my head if I were ever to set foot in the field. I work solely from inside the TCI.”

“Your wife ?” he repeated, his heart leaping. This was a woman with a wife. A woman in a world where she could not only love another woman, but marry her and be able to mention it so casually to a complete stranger?

“Do you have a problem with the fact your life was saved by a lesbian, Mr Katz?” she asked calmly, and his stomach sank.

“No, ma’am! I just… Where I come from, people can’t… I didn’t know there was anywhere you could have that kinda marriage.” Was this the future? The place that Klaus had talked about, had said he couldn’t ever go back to? Had Dave somehow ended up there in his place, leaving Klaus in the middle of a war he’d never even signed up for? But that world was ending. Klaus had told him that. So how was he here? “I was just surprised is all. I’m… you know, the same typa way.”

The slight smile returned to the doctor’s face, and Dave relaxed. “It was 1968 you came from, yes?” So that pretty much confirmed his ‘future’ theory. Dave nodded mutely. “I cannot say I know why your survival matters so much yet your injury could not have been prevented, negating the need to bring you here at all, but I will say I am glad you are more… progressive than some of your contemporaries. It does make my job easier.”

“Doctor Nwoye, you are needed urgently in Room 14,” the disembodied voice said before Dave could formulate an answer, and the doctor sighed.

“I am on my way. Mr Katz, if you need anything, just ask VINA.” And with that, the bizarre door slid open again and Dr Nwoye was striding away.

The room was silent for a few minutes as Dave thought about this whole situation. He’d think it a fever dream, but he wasn’t sure he was creative enough to come up with all of this. “VINA?” he said eventually, feeling more than a little silly speaking to an empty room.

But the disembodied voice responded immediately. “Do you require assistance, Mr Katz?”

“I…What the hell is going on?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean. Please elaborate or rephrase to receive appropriate support.”

“I got shot . But I don’t even have a scar.”

“You are correct. Do you have any questions about your treatment?”

Dave exhaled shakily and touched his chest again. Even that should have hurt, and though he was incredibly grateful that it didn’t, that fact was in itself unsettling. “What kinda doctor can just make a bullet wound… vanish?”

“Dr Nwoye is an expert in bioregeneration and biotemporal manipulation.”

“Bio… Jeez.” He could guess at what those words meant, but truthfully, he had no idea. It may as well have been another language. Was this the world Klaus had come from? This strange world filled with people and words he didn’t know, where gunshots through the chest were not just survivable but left no mark, where unseen people watched and spoke with you, where a black woman with a wife could be a white man’s doctor. It wasn’t a bad world. It was simply so far from the one he knew.

Some things would always be the same, though: hospitals were boring. Dave was half out of his mind with it, staring up at the ceiling and wishing he had something to do. Talking to VINA was just a little too weird, with her uncannily smooth voice and questionable existence. So he got out of bed, deciding to explore. There were no windows, only artificial lights built into the ceiling. He couldn’t even tell what time of day it was. The room was neither warm nor cold, despite the fact he was wearing only white cotton shorts.

The door that the doctor had come in through didn’t have a handle. Instead, he found a panel of buttons on the wall beside it and pushed one hopefully. With a hydraulic hiss, the door opened and he stepped out into the hallway. “Please remain in your room. If you require assistance, this can be provided. If you are searching for the bathroom, this can be located through the other door within your room.”

It was strange, being scolded by someone - or something - he couldn’t see, and in such a calm manner. But Dave obeyed and stepped back inside the confines of his room. He may as well check out the bathroom if he wasn’t allowed anywhere else.

There were clothes folded up on top of a cabinet next to the shower, accompanied by a ziplock bag of toiletries and a towel. He figured those must be for him. He was about to strip off, out of the plain white shorts he’d been left in, when a wave of self-consciousness overtook him. “VINA?” he said hesitantly.

“Do you need assistance, Mr Katz?”

“I, uh… Are you watching me in here?”

“I am tasked with monitoring all rooms of the Temps Commission Infirmary.”

He’d spent enough time in the military to be comfortable enough getting undressed in front of other men. But in front of a woman? Even if she might be a machine and not a real woman, it still felt wrong, somehow. “Could I get a little privacy?”

“To ensure your safety and the safety of other patients, I am required to observe at all times. Surveillance footage is wiped from my systems after two weeks and is not accessible without appropriate justification from Temps Commission staff.”

That still wasn’t exactly reassuring. Dave couldn’t even see where VINA was watching from, couldn’t work out where to position himself to turn his back. He’d been changed out of his fatigues, so someone had surely seen his naked body here before and there was no guarantee that they were all male, but the irrationality of his desire for modesty didn’t change anything.

She’s seen it all before , he told himself. There must’ve been hundreds of naked people in this hospital. And maybe this is just how things are in the future .

His shoulders dropped under the warmth and the strength of the water. It had been so long since he’d had a really good shower. He wasn’t sure he’d ever had one so good. Perhaps Klaus had had a point, waxing lyrical about the joys of a hot bath.

But then he touched his chest, touched the unblemished skin, and the touch stole the air from his lungs. He could feel it, feel himself being torn apart by the most agonising pain he had ever felt. What was the difference between warm water and hot blood? It all felt the same, running down his skin. Hands shaking, he switched the shower off and sank down to sit on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest as if they could shield him somehow. He wanted his mom. He wanted Klaus. He wanted to be held and told that it was okay, that he was safe.

Eventually, he slowed his breathing enough to realise he was getting cold, the water having cooled on his naked body. He got shakily to his feet and dried himself off before busying himself with getting redressed. He could do this. It was systematic, routine, a way to feel just a fraction more normal, even if the clothes weren’t quite right either.

It wasn’t that he was ungrateful, but he did feel slightly strange in them. The pants seemed too fitted around the legs and a little too short, with rips across both knees. He supposed even in the future, free clothes couldn’t always be new or in best condition. But he’d be able to fix them up easily enough. He’d never been as well-taught as his sister, but he’d been so eager to copy her in whatever she was doing that his mother had decided it was easier to just teach them both.

He wondered what had happened to Marie. How long ago had it been for her since they’d last seen each other?

“Mr Katz, you have a visitor.” VINA’s voice was still startling, with no clear source and no warning.

“A visitor?” he repeated. Who was here, visiting him? Who even knew he was here?

“Would you like to allow them access to your room?”

Dave looked himself over in the mirror. His hair was still damp and the clothes may be strange, but at least he looked decent. He looked normal. He didn’t look like a man who had just been shot.

But he pushed those feelings down, squared his shoulders and kept his head high as he stepped out of the bathroom and back into the bare room. “Yeah, let ‘em in,” he agreed.

He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this. A very short man in a suit and a pair of glasses stepped into the room with an air of someone who didn’t feel quite certain how much space they were able or willing to take up.

“Hi, Mr Katz, right? I’m Herb, I’m, uh, Acting Chair here at the Commission,” the small man said with an awkward wave. “It’s good to see you up and about! And- and the timeline should be safe from any, uh, any attempts at rescue, so that’s a big bonus.”

Dave had resigned himself to the fact that everyone here was crazy. But there was something warm about Herb, something he liked. “Can you explain what’s going on? The doctor, she said something about anomalies?”

“Ah, well, in this case, we’re, uh, preventing a potential anomaly. I’ve seen firsthand what a determined Hargreeves can do, and I figured if we make sure none of them have a reason to go messing up a timeline again, it makes our jobs here easier!”

Dave’s breath caught in his throat. “You know Klaus?”

Herb giggled. “Do I know Klaus? Everyone here knows Klaus, he’s a Hargreeves . But I met him! I mean, I’m basically friends with his brother Diego, so you could say I know him better than most people here.”

Dave could barely hear what Herb was saying. His mind was racing faster than his heart, the use of ‘know’ rather than ‘knew’ enough to sustain him. He was still alive. And even if he was old now, stuck on the slow path through time, Dave knew he would still love him. He would love him until the end of the Earth. That had been a silent promise, as unspeakable as everything that they were, but as real and constant as the sun rising every morning. Forever was too much to vow in a war zone, but the intent had always been there. “Can I see him?”

“Well, that’s the plan!” Herb said brightly. “If you’re willing, we drop you off with him in 2019, there’s no need for any more time travelling shenanigans from the Hargreeveses, and we can all get back to normal!”

Fifty one years had passed. Would Klaus even still love him, after all that time? He almost couldn’t picture Klaus as an old man, not when he was full of so much energy, when he was so childlike sometimes. Was he an old man? Or had he somehow found a way back home before he had the chance to grow old? Back home... “People back home, my family… What happens to them?” he asked.

“Ah. Well, they think you’re dead. And unfortunately, they kind of had to. I’m afraid even if you turn down our offer to join Mr Hargreeves, you can’t go back to 1968. We made sure of that. And ooh, boy, that was a tricky one, but you’re not our first faked death and you sure won’t be our last!” Herb laughed, as if this was normal. As if this was simply how the world worked. And maybe it was. Maybe the world was bigger and stranger than anything Dave had ever seen. Anything but Klaus, of course. He was the maddest, strangest, most beautiful world all of his own.

In his mind, it had been just over a day since he’d seen him. But he missed him as if it had been weeks, months even. Maybe years. Did the ache dull over time? Would Klaus still be missing him as badly as he missed Klaus?

“If you’re, uh, amenable, we’ll drop you off in 2019 as soon as you’re discharged.”

It was a leap of faith into an unknown future, a new world. “I am.”

#also working on a chapter two so stay tuned for that #klave #klaus hargreeves #dave katz #tua #my content #my writing

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gothic-safari-clown · 4 years ago

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The Mind’s Power Over the Body

PART SEVEN: CONFESSION

Story Summary: They only ever had each other. It had been that way since high school, ever since Elianna transferred to dreary Arlen and took Jonathan under her wing. They go separate ways for college, and when they’re reunited at Arkham Asylum professionally, Elianna comes to find that they’ve both changed during their time separated. Can she look past the promise of danger and stay by Jonathan’s side as they slide further and further into the darkness while she grapples to come to terms with the truth about herself? Can she accept what needs to be done in order to hold onto the only person who holds any meaning in her life? This is a very self-indulgent AU that draws from several different canons of the DCU and ignoring others, starting in the Batman Begins Nolanverse. This will follow the plot of the movie, although the timeline has been very slightly tweaked.

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six

Words count: 3235

Elianna, generally speaking, was extremely stubborn by nature. As such, the more people told her that she couldn’t do something, the more she resolved to do it. She had been like that for her entire life, and very rarely was she convinced to concede.

However, she no longer had any qualms about passing off the Zsasz case. The day before, she had been pretty insistent upon keeping Victor as a patient, but that had been before he had not only escaped what was supposed to be a very secure institution for the fourth time, but had also found out where she lived. Unless he had somehow already found out from whoever must have helped him after their first session. God, had he been planning that from the beginning? El thought back to what he had said when he had passed her and Jonathan in Arkham as he was being escorted back to his cell.

“Leave your door unlocked for me.”

She shivered at the memory. In hindsight, she couldn’t believe how stupid she had been to have still gone to her apartment after that. While she wasn’t unintelligent, it was true Jonathan had always been the smarter one. But, Jesus, that was the worst thing for her to have done in that situation. I guess I’ll blame that on being stubborn too.

She pondered all of this, still in bed next to a restfully sleeping Jonathan, hours before she even needed to be awake. After sleeping for only a few an hour or two herself, she had woken herself out of a nightmare and had been unable to fall back asleep despite how tired she felt. It seemed that all of her sleep lately had been cursed by restlessness.

Suddenly, she was struck by the memory of the strange, shadowy figure that had saved her life in the parking lot. What was that thing? It had been man-sized and shaped, but she clearly saw pointed ears on top of the head in her memory. Even after being in Gotham for such a short period of time, El was acutely aware of the masked criminals that ran the streets. Still, in her tired haze and confusion surrounding the whole situation, she couldn’t recall having heard of a man dressed as a…a dog? Some kind of bat, maybe? Either way, it seemed a very poorly made costume.

The fact that whoever it was had attacked Zsasz was somewhat comforting, she supposed. But the question remained, was this person malevolent and just happened to have a personal vendetta against Zsasz, or was he some sort of vigilante that no one had heard of yet? Assuming this is a new development, I imagine we’ll find out over the coming months.

In the meantime, El was plagued by the feeling that she was being watched, despite being several stories high in a relatively safe part of the city, not that anywhere in Gotham could truly be considered safe.

Despite the knowledge that nobody could be watching, she shifted closer to Jonathan and cast a wary look around the room to identify the source of her discomfort, finally deciding that there was something about the window that made her uneasy. It seemed too dark outside, given that they were in a large city, but she knew better than to get up to close the curtains. She had seen enough horror movies to know that when she did, there would be a face pressed against the glass, watching her sleeplessness.

The image in her head of a person waiting on the ledge outside, waiting for her to fall back asleep scared her, even though she knew it was impossible. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself not to think about it. It’s amazing the things almost being murdered will do to your brain.

Jonathan shifted in his sleep suddenly, effectively taking her mind off things for a few seconds. She could tell that he hadn’t gotten enough sleep the previous few nights (she blamed Scarecrow) and made an effort hold still, hoping that she hadn’t woken him up. After a few seconds, he settled back into his pillow. She sighed and allowed herself to relax as well. I should try to get back to sleep before work. She would be damned if she had to stay home, even after everything that had happened. She needed the people she worked with to take her seriously. Going about a normal routine after almost dying twice seemed a good way to establish rank. Maybe stubborn and stupid, but what was the worst that could happen at that point?

All things considered, she felt surprisingly stable for someone who had had three near-death experiences in the past few years. Maybe there was something wrong with her that just hadn’t manifested yet? Thinking about that possibility, she wouldn’t be surprised. It might explain how she was finally on the verge of falling back asleep.

Eventually, her exhaustion got the better of her. Jonathan’s building had much better security than hers; surely, she would be fine to sleep those last few hours away…

.xXx.

Four hours later, El’s phone alarm sounded, blaringly loud in the previously silent room, and she scrambled to turn it off while Jonathan rolled onto his stomach and groaned into his pillow.

“Why do you wake up so early?” His voice was muffled.

“It takes longer for me to get ready than you. It’s nothing new. Go back to sleep.” El yawned and patted the back of his head before standing up, stretching and cracking her back.

He seemed to take her advice, and his breathing evened out again as she retrieved her duffle bag from the living room and headed to the bathroom to get ready for work. She had just finished washing her face and brushing her teeth and was starting in on her makeup when Jonathan walked in, looking tired.

“I’m awake now.” He yawned as he leaned back against the counter next to her and rubbed his hand down his face.

“I can see that. I’m sorry,” El replied genuinely—if a bit distracted by her foundation.

“It’s fine; I was starting to dream about Granny again,” he dismissed; El nodded and continued her routine as he watched.

“Can I help you?” She asked, slightly perturbed by the attention. He shrugged.

“There’s nothing better to do at the moment. Besides, I want to find out how it’s possible that you actually use all those brushes every day. It seems like overkill.”

“They’re all good for different things, now hush,” El mumbled in response, trying not to let him distract her from her eyeliner. “You know, if you talked to more women, you might be able to see them put on their makeup, and maybe even naked sometimes.” Now she was actively trying to get him to leave her alone; it was far too early not to be annoying about it, though. Sometimes she just couldn’t resist embarrassing him.

“Don’t give Scarecrow any ideas this early in the morning, or he’s going to think about you like that all day, and I have to hear it,” Jonathan said in mild disgust and shut his eyes in exasperation.

“Ooh, gross. Really?”

“Yeah. Breakfast?”

“No, thanks, love.”

“You should eat.”

“I should, but I’m not hungry, and you’re distracting me. Thank you, though,” she replied more forcefully. He shrugged again and meandered toward the kitchen. “Tell him to behave!” She called after him.

No longer distracted, El finished up and picked an outfit for the day, getting dressed quickly and walked out to the kitchen where Jonathan had already dressed and was making his way through a bagel while glancing over the newspaper. “They didn’t know your name. Would you mind if I started calling you ‘lucky woman?’”

“Sure! Would you mind if I start 'giving Scarecrow ideas’ every morning?”

“Still not a morning person, I see.”

“Nope.” El stole a quick sip of his coffee before grabbing her purse. “Carpool?”

Jonathan agreed, finished his bagel and coffee, and they walked to his car. In a few minutes were on the road sharing comfortable silence. El found herself reminded once again of the stranger that had saved her the night before. She decided to ask Jonathan about it; maybe he’ll know more than I do.

Then again, what if he thought she was crazy? A man dressed up like…oh, who could tell? What if it had been an adrenaline-fuelled hallucination? Jonathan wouldn’t turn her in, would he?

Of course not. The personality with whom he shared a mind was violent and murderous and had convinced him to kill his great grandmother—although, the old crone had it coming. Where the hell did that thought come from? That’s a horrible thing to think.

Either way, compared to that, seeing a man dressed as a…as something while fighting crime seemed perfectly sane, especially in Gotham. Not to mention the fact that whoever it was had definitely tackled Zsasz. It had to be real, or she wouldn’t be sitting there in the car.

“Jonathan?”

“Mm?” He responded right as they pulled up to Arkham. Damn, she had thought for too long; she didn’t feel comfortable talking about this where other people might hear. Jonathan might not think she was crazy, but someone else might.

“Remind me to talk to you about something later,” she conceded with a sigh and waited for him to park so that she could get out of the car. He caught up to her a second later.

“Why not now?”

“Because you already know I’m not crazy.” He looked at her pointedly but didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Do I?”

“Oh, shut up,” she smiled and elbowed him gently as they walked inside. Jonathan allowed himself a soft smile.

“I have to stop by my office for a minute, but then I’ll meet back up with you in your office before your first appointment. I have to talk to you about something.” El nodded.

“See you in a few minutes, love.” She walked herself to her office, stupidly worried now that she was alone. She knew that she relatively safe with security everywhere, but even so, she pulled on the door after it closed to ensure that it was locked. Paranoid. Zsasz wasn’t even there. She had seen in Jonathan’s newspaper in the kitchen that Victor was facing trial that day.

Not to mention whatever it was that Jonathan had to talk to her about. Knowing him, El didn’t even want to try to guess what that discussion would be like.

She killed a few minutes organizing paperwork that she had allowed to pile up, realizing that she would need to stay late to file that night and reviewing her schedule. Her first session wasn’t for a few hours yet, which gave her time to stave off the fear that another of her patients would attack her. I just got off to a bad start. A really, really, really, really bad start.

A knock on the door made her jump and then roll her eyes at herself. “Who is it?” Seriously? Nobody that would knock wants to kill you, El.

“Three guesses who.” Came Jonathan’s response, and she pressed the button to open the door for him. “I’m gonna have to stay a bit late tonight.” He informed her as he walked in.

“That’s alright, me too.”

“Well, that works out.” He sighed, pausing in the middle of the room for a moment. “I also need to leave for a while right now, but first, there’s a lot that I need to explain to you, and it can’t wait, so I need you to listen.” What?

“O-okay.” She nodded slowly. “What’s up?” She leaned back in her seat as Jonathan came around and leaned back against the desk in front of her, setting his briefcase next to him.

“Alright, there really isn’t a good way to ease you into this given the time crunch, so I’m just going to tell you all at once, okay?” Still confused, El nodded again. “First of all, I’ve been conducting experiments on patients here, research not sanctioned by the asylum.” He paused for a beat, giving her a chance to think about the confession. “A while ago, I perfected a recipe for what I call a 'fear toxin.’ In short, it causes the subject to hallucinate whatever they fear most, which allows me to study the effect of fear on the human mind.”

“What the fuck?” The question escaped El quietly as she closed her eyes in an attempt to help herself process the information that her friend was offering up out of the blue.

“I know, but I’m not finished yet, okay? Stay with me.” El found herself nodding on reflex. “The key ingredient that I need for each version comes in from overseas, it’s shipped here, and I’ve been working with Carmine Falcone, the mob boss, to bring it in.”

“Wh-what does this have to do with me? Why are you telling me this?” El asked in a panic, shaking her head, her eyes still shut. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing or how easily Jonathan said it. He was lucky that the security system was video only, no audio. Or maybe she was unlucky; it all depended on what his motivations were for sharing this information.

“Because Zsasz used to work for Falcone, but Falcone won’t risk Zsasz going to prison and leaking the secrets of the organization; as long as he’s here, regulations dictate that he has to be kept relatively comfortable and isolated, so he has no reason to leak information. I’m going right now to testify on his mental state so that he gets admitted back here.”

“Stop-stop talking for a second, hold on.” Elianna lifted a hand and tried her best to control her breathing. Jonathan did as she asked and waited while she began to gather her thoughts. “Just please, please tell me that you aren’t the one who’s been helping him escape.” She demanded quietly, finally opening her eyes but staring at the carpet. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him until she knew that he wasn’t the one to put her life in danger. She had never before felt unsafe around Jonathan. Scarecrow, yes, but never Jonathan, but this sudden dump of information had her suddenly questioning everything that she knew.

She should never have come back to the east coast. She should have stayed bored in California and just contented herself with their long-distance friendship.

Jonathan lifted off the desk and crouched down in front of her, making her look at him, however reluctantly. “Listen to me, El; I know that I’ve done a lot of horrible things, okay? I can admit that. But one thing that I could never do is put you in danger on purpose.” In a calm voice, he spoke slowly, and against her better judgment, Elianna found herself believing him. She nodded.

“Okay,” she said quietly. “Alright, I trust you, but I still don’t understand why you’re telling me any of this.” Her mind was still racing to make sense of anything that he had said in the last few minutes, although she began to realize that she shouldn’t really have been surprised. From the second that she had found out about Scarecrow, El had known that there was something—someone inside him that was more than capable of horrific things.

She found herself wondering, not for the first time, how Jonathan would have ended up if Scarecrow had never come along. Granny Keeny should have been the only warning that she needed to stay away from Jonathan, starting years ago.

Then again, if she had managed to look past and even help him cover-up the “accident,” the strange circumstances of the old woman’s death (or so they had passed it off), then she could find a way to look past this. There had to have been a reason he was telling her any of this, besides making her an accomplice. There needed to be.

“Okay,” she took a deep breath. “Tell me.”

“If I’m going to get Zsasz back here anyway, then I can get him transferred to my caseload, which puts us in the perfect position to make him regret coming after you.”

“Whoa, hold on,” El lifted her hand again to interrupt him. She almost felt bad for interjecting so often, each time having to remind herself that she wasn’t in the wrong this time. “I’m assuming that you mean you would use this 'fear toxin’ on him? In which case, he could have a full metal break, and then they would have to investigate you, so won’t they be able to trace it back to us?” Jonathan shook his head.

“They won’t find anything. I already have it all figured out. It’s an original formula, if they examine him, they may find severely elevated stress levels, but unfortunately, that kind of break happens to people all the time in here; as long as he’s alive, anyone looking into Zsasz won’t bother to test for any externally administered chemicals.”

“I-” El found herself at a loss for words by how quickly Jonathan had worked this out. “F-fine, just…give me another minute.” She stood from her office chair and began to pace, suddenly feeling claustrophobic, trapped in by the sudden wave of disturbing new information.

She couldn’t deny that the thought of mercilessly dealing revenge upon the man who thought that he could get away with killing her sounded incredibly satisfying. It was a natural desire to exact one’s pound of flesh, and even before her involvement Victor Zsasz was a murderer. A deranged serial killer that had killed how many women before she had even thought of moving to Gotham?

Elianna began to realize that she could remain in denial about what had happened to her for as long as she wanted, but she would never feel truly safe again until something was done about him.

She knew it was technically wrong, but she wanted Victor Zsasz to feel the terror that she did when she pictured his face—Lovecraftian, skeletal, bathed in yellow light—and if Jonathan’s toxin could do the job, then she wanted to do it.

Before her logical mind had time to talk her out of her resolve, she stopped pacing and looked at Jonathan. He looked back expectantly, sitting on the edge of her desk again. With an air of finality, she nodded. “Let’s do it.”

“Good.” He checked his watch and stood, taking his briefcase. “I need to leave now, but I’ll be back in a few hours. Just go about your day like normal, and we can talk semantics tonight.” El nodded in response in a stupor over everything that had happened in only two short days. She wasn’t even aware enough to be surprised when Jonathan kissed her head as he left her office, instead returning trance-like to her seat and wondering just the wrong side of too late, did I make the right decision?

#the mind's power over the body #jonathan crane #scarecrow #batman begins #nolanverse #elianna montgomery #jonathan crane x ofc #slight au #fanfiction #multi chapter fic #attraction to the insane #cillian murphy #cillian murphy scarecrow #tmpotb chapter 7

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crystaljins · 5 years ago

Text

Take a chance. | 07 FINAL

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 14.1K

Synopsis: You should have known the second your business partner asked you to plan his best friend’s wedding as a favour that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Especially when it turns out he’s in love with said best friend. And dying of a deadly disease because of it.

Hanahaki!au

Notes: Finales. Don’t we love them? It’s been a long journey with these two and hopefully this finishes on a note that we all feel is enough <3 Thank you guys for all the love and support you’ve shown me. I’ve been going through a really difficult and busy period of my life these past few months and I’m so grateful that you guys have loved and supported this story so much. I actually think it’s one of my most popular fics to date, and it’s definitely my biggest one. I’m so sad to see these guys go, but hopefully we can see them off with a smile

Till next time, my lovelies <3

@trumpettay @usuallyunlikelyfox @aureumjeon

Warnings: Angst. Graphic depictions of vomiting. Mentions of illness and death. Kissing.

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

A thin crease forms between Namjoon’s brows as he peers at the bloodwork in front of him. Jungkook nervously twiddles his fingers as the silence between them grows. Namjoon had demanded Jungkook get a blood test when he’d turned up for his first appointment in three whole weeks that morning, and yet now he’s silent now that he has the results. Jungkook becomes vaguely aware of a persistent tapping noise and slowly realises that it’s Namjoon, nervously bouncing his leg up and down.

“I don’t understand.” Namjoon finally says. “Your condition should have declined. Look at this.” He waves the paper displaying the blood results at Jungkook “See this number? That indicates the severity of your disease, and these were your levels when you first started coming for treatment. They’re so outside of the normal range that I was considering writing a case study on you for my next conference. But then look at this number.” He flips the page and points to another, much lower number, sitting only slightly outside the numbers declaring the normal levels for a healthy person beside it. “And these are your levels now. Despite not getting treatment for three weeks, not taking a single one of the medications I prescribed you and making my sister sick!”

Ah, so that explains Namjoon’s agitation. He’s mad because of you. Jungkook winces and stares awkwardly down at where his hands rest in his lap.

“I can go to a different doctor, if that would make you feel more comfortable.” Jungkook mumbles pathetically. Namjoon stares at Jungkook and his gaze is hard and unforgiving. The silence stretches out once more, before Namjoon sighs and his expression softens.

“There’s no need for that.” He finally says. “It would be hypocritical of me to tell people not to blame themselves for feelings they can’t control and then blame you for what is happening to her. But on any note, this is fantastic news and I shouldn’t be mad. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook blinks and straightens a little, finally raising his gaze to look at Namjoon. Namjoon offers a smile.

“You’re improving without intervention, Jungkook.” Namjoon tells him warmly. “I don’t know how or why, but you may even recover completely, at this rate.”

It takes Jungkook a moment to understand what Namjoon is saying, but when he does, hope springs into his chest. But then he slumps back down defeatedly.

“I thought the only way I could be cured is by hypnotherapy. That’s what all the other doctors told me.” He responds dully. He stares down at his hands- thanks to his illness, his circulation is always poor, and the tips of his fingers are always tinged a little bluish as a result. Today, oddly, they look a little pinker, a little healthier. And his skin doesn’t seem to have that awful translucent sheen that he’s always worried is a dead giveaway that he’s very, very sick. Namjoon nods, straightening out the papers with Jungkook’s blood results printed on them and laying them beside the keyboard resting on his desk.

“That’s the case in 95% of cases like yours.” Namjoon agrees. “With levels as high as yours were, and symptoms as severe, most doctors would recommend hypnotherapy. But it’s not the only way- there are plenty of things which proven to be just as effective as hypnotherapy. They just take much longer. I firmly believe that hypnotherapy should only be used as a last resort in emergency cases where the patient’s life is immediately at risk. Although, there is a lot of contention over this matter in the medical community. In my personal opinion and experience, though, the consequence of forgetting things from hypnotherapy is a huge deterrent for treatment and we lose far more patients than we should because they’re afraid of that outcome. Just like with you.”

“Then why do doctors suggest it at all?” Jungkook asks, feeling a little victimised. “I might have done things differently if I’d had another choice.”

“Would you have, though?” Namjoon asks, delicately arching and eyebrow. “Because even I was considering suggesting hypnotherapy to you. Your symptoms were so severe when you first came here that I had estimated that without any intervention you probably only had a month left in you. And don’t forget that my sister had to blackmail you into coming, even just for conservative treatment. You didn’t want to get better, Jungkook.”

Jungkook falls silent at Namjoon’s words, because they’re true. He didn’t want to get better. At least, in the past he didn’t, not really. Now, though… Your face flashes through his mind and his heart aches. Suddenly he wants to get better more than ever, and as quickly as possible.

“Though, I understand what you’re saying.” Namjoon continues. “But those doctors weren’t wrong in what they suggested. Imagine you’re a doctor, for a second, and a patient who is bleeding out through a wound in their arm comes to you. You could, in theory, wrap the wound with a compression bandage and hope that it clots before the patient bleeds out, because eventually (assuming the patient doesn’t die in the meantime), that would happen. Or, you could do surgery, instantly fix the problem and remove the risk that the patient bleeds out entirely. Which would you choose?”

“Surgery, I suppose.” Jungkook answers, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. Namjoon nods.

“It’s the same with the counselling and therapy method vs hypnotherapy debate. A doctor can risk you dying in the hopes that you eventually get over those feelings, which would eventually happen if you don’t die in the process. Or they can suggest hypnotherapy and remove the risk of death entirely.” Namjoon finishes explaining. “This is all redundant with your case, though, because it is the strangest presentation I have ever seen in my career.”

Jungkook feel strangely flustered at Namjoon’s declaration and ducks his head awkwardly. Namjoon tilts his head curiously as he examines Jungkook over the rim of his glasses.

“What happened in those three weeks, Jungkook?” Namjoon asks. “You’re not obligated to tell me, but to rock up after a prolonged absence and be almost cured is baffling and I’d love to hear the reason for it. Especially after what happened to my sister.”

Jungkook presses his lips together as he contemplates the answer to Namjoon’s question. What had happened? You’d gotten sick- he’d locked himself away for two weeks in response and despair. And then Seri had convinced him to finally tell everyone the truth and he’d been rejected. It had been hell and yet at the end of it all you had rocked up to his apartment with a kind heart and warm dinner and now it all feels like a distant nightmare that happened to someone else.

“I got rejected. By Minah.” Is the simple recount Jungkook gives. Namjoon’s jaw drops.

“And you’re alive? After confessing to her?” Namjoon asks incredulously. Jungkook nods.

“Kind of. Seri convinced me to tell Taehyung and Minah about my illness.” He explains. “She told me the best thing to do was come clean and then I’d feel much better.”

Namjoon gapes incredulously for one moment longer before shaking his head in disbelief.

“I mean, I can’t say I’d have suggested the same thing given the risks involved, but I guess she doesn’t have a medical licence that can get suspended.” He sighs. He glances up at Jungkook. “We generally don’t recommend patients confess their feelings without the assistance and support of their doctor because it’s a high-risk action to take.” Namjoon admits. “But good on you for being brave. I just don’t understand how getting rejected could lead to an improvement, unless…” He trails away, and his gaze drops to a photo frame on his desk. It faces away from Jungkook, but he’s seen it before- it’s a photo of you, Namjoon and your mother, posing for a picture together. “Have you… have you spoken to (Y/N) at all?” Namjoon asks curiously. Something about the tone of Namjoon’s voice makes Jungkook’s cheeks feel hot and he quickly averts his gaze.

“Yeah. She made me dinner, the other night.” He admits with an awkward cough. He hadn’t planned on bringing up the dinner to Namjoon, or any of the resulting revelations that followed, considering Namjoon would probably not approve of such selfish and inappropriate thoughts towards his beloved younger sister. However, Namjoon doesn’t react with anger, like Jungkook had supposed he might. Instead his dimples make a surprise appearance as Namjoon holds back a sudden smile.

“I see.” Is the simple answer he offers, before glancing at the clock. “Well, we’re out of time here. Make sure to keep taking the meds I prescribed you because your blood results aren’t back to normal, yet which means you’re not quite in the clear. And I have homework for you, before the next session- completely optional and unrelated to your recovery, though.”

Jungkook gets to his feet and grabs his hoodie which is slung over the back of his chair as he awaits Namjoon’s homework.

“My sister helped you, when you were sick. She did that whole ‘help-you-get-over-Minah’ thing. I want you to do the same for her.” Namjoon says. “As in… you’ve had Hanahaki for a while, and she’s not coping well with it. I’d really like if you showed her some of the ways you’ve been coping with it over the past year, to help her.”

Jungkook pauses to consider his answer. He does owe you that much, at least- he’d go so far as to say he owes you so much more than just help with coping with your illness. If he’s really improved as much as Namjoon seems to think he has, then he owes you his life. So, it’s no hardship at all, to take on such a task.

Nor is he… exactly… opposed to spending more time with you. He offers Namjoon a warm smile.

“Sure thing.” He says. Namjoon grins and hands Jungkook a piece of paper. Jungkook squints at it.

“Coping with Hanahaki can be hard- there are a lot of painful symptoms of the disease that are difficult to manage with medication. Here are some suggestions of things you can try at home if you’re feeling unwell after an episode.”

“Here are some of the things we recommend patients trying at home, to manage their condition.” Namjoon explains. Jungkook abruptly grins- already ideas on how to go about this are starting to form in his head. “Maybe it’ll give you some ideas on how to help her.”

You aren’t expecting a lot of hubbub when you return to work after two weeks leave. Yes, your departure had been catastrophically dramatic, but you had assumed the time away was enough for things to cool down. You’ve certainly had time to process and calm down after the emotional turmoil you had unexpectedly been launched into. That had been your aim in taking time off, anyway- to just process things and let the simmering tension slowly dissipate. Yet, when stepping into the office that morning, you are completely caught off-guard by the way Seokjin practically tackles you. You feel you may rupture a lung- he really seems to be doing his best to squeeze as much air from you as he can.

“Welcome back!” He cries, and it sounds alarmingly close to a sob. When he pulls away, his eyes are moist and you feel an odd wave of fondness.

“Thank you, Jin.” You say warmly, referring to him by his chosen nickname, the one that he insists everyone call him. You have always avoided it in the interest of maintaining professionalism, much to his displeasure. It has the desired effect- his entire face lights up like he’s just won the lottery and a gigantic grin splits his face.

Seri’s greeting is more subdued, but no less warm. She merely asks her clients on the phone to hold for a moment while she offers you a beam, before returning to her work, exactly as you would expect her to. It’s an appreciated reaction, and the reaction you had desired and expected when finally returning.

Oddly, Jungkook’s reaction is the most dramatic, though he does not tackle you like Seokjin did. Instead, right as you are about to take your lunch break, he deposits a rather large picnic basket on your desk. You peer at it curiously before allowed your gaze to flicker up to your business partner. He’s staring determinedly at the ceiling like he will turn to stone if he meets your gaze, and rather than offer you a verbal explanation, he shoves a piece of paper into your face.

You curiously scan the contents and find it is one of the information pamphlets your brother likes to give out to first-time Hanahaki patients. You have no idea why he’s giving you this, or why he’s dumped a picnic basket onto your desk until your gaze lands on the first thing on the list of methods for managing the disease at home:

“1. Sunshine.

Many patients complain about low body temperatures and poor circulation when suffering from the disease. Sunlight (although make sure to always use sun protection!) has been proven to strengthen the body’s immune response to Hanahaki and improve energy levels in patients. If you’ve had a bad episode, try going for a walk or sitting out in the sun for a while, as this can help with the low body temperature and has numerous other health benefits.”

“I… I figured we could kill two birds with one stone.” Jungkook offers, surprisingly shyly. You stare at him in bewilderment, before peeking under the lid of the picnic basket- various containers of food sit within it. “Celebrate your return to the office and get some sunshine- to help manage your symptoms.”

Inside, your heart leaps at his suggestion. Despite everything, you still want to spend time with him, as pathetic as that is. But you are quick to school your features and scold your stubborn heart by employing cold, hard reason: You can spend all the time managing the disease in the world, but spending more time with the cause, and feeding yourself with the hope that he’ll move on from Minah and turn to you is just climbing deeper into the depths of Hanahaki. You purse your lips together.

“I don’t think this is what’s best for us, Jungkook.” You say softly. “I… you know why I have these symptoms, and you know better than anybody that spending more time with you could make them worse. If you want us to go back to what we were, then we should probably avoid spending unnecessary time with each other.”

Jungkook pulls a face rather like a kicked puppy and deflates just a little. But then he straightens with renewed determination, striding around the table and crouching before you. He grasps one of your hands between both of his and tugs it towards him. His expression is pleading.

“Let me help you.” He begs. “You’re important to me- I don’t want to see you in pain. I know, better than anyone else, how painful this can be, but I also know how best to cope with it. And this isn’t coming from a place of responsibility or a desire to get rid of your feelings, by the way, because I know you’re gonna refuse if it is. I want to do this because I want to spend time with you, and I want you to be happy and comfortable while I do. So please. Will you let me do for you what you did for me?”

You stare at him for a long moment, searching for any hint of that dreaded tendency of his to try and take responsibility for everyone else’s hardship. The last thing you want is for him to be going out of his way to spend time with you because of a sense of duty or obligation. But all you see in his gaze is sincerity. The look in his rounded, innocent eyes is warm and open and you feel your willpower crumbling beneath the weight of his pleas.

“Fine.” You agree, hoping you don’t come to regret this decision.

A short while later, you find yourself hovering awkwardly while Jungkook carefully lays out the contents of the picnic basket across the picnic blanket he brought with him. The park he’s brought you to is only a five-minute walk from the office, and since it’s a weekday, it’s absent of the usual sight of screaming children or dogs bounding down the pavement. Instead, a few office workers loiter around, enjoying the sunshine on their lunch break. Jungkook finishes laying down the last of his carefully prepared containers gleefully, before tugging you over by the hand and pressing down on your shoulders until you are forced to take a seat on the blanket. He stretches languorously beside you, leaning back on his elbows and squeezing his eyes shut as he soaks in the sunlight.

You hesitantly settle beside him, cross-legged. You squeeze your eyes to enjoy the warmth of the sun against your skin. You hadn’t realised how cold you were until this moment- a shiver, unbidden, wracks your body. Jungkook shoots up in the next moment, having felt the way you shuddered. His eyes are wide.

“Are you cold?” He demands, as if it’s a crime to be cold. You roll your eyes and are about to answer no, but he scrambles into a sitting position and yanks off his suit jacket. Before you can say a word of protest, he’s draping it carefully over your shoulders. The gentle, thoughtful action renders you speechless for a moment, and you’re stuck breathing in the scent of his cologne for the moment. The suit jacket is surprisingly heavy- your shoulders refuse to rise in a breath.

“A-aren’t you cold?” You mumble shyly, looking away. “You have Hanahaki too. You shouldn’t be giving up your jacket.”

Jungkook merely smiles, and wraps his hands around your cold fingers, which rest awkwardly in your lap, and to your surprise, his fingers are warm.

“I think I’ll be fine.” Is all he says, before turning away to pluck a grape from one of the containers.

Silence stretches beneath you for the next few moments, as you are at a lost of what to say, and you decide to focus on eating. It saves you the trouble of trying to find something to talk about, because suddenly it feels like too much strength to fill that silence. That’s why it surprises you when Jungkook starts talking.

“Be honest.” He says suddenly, adjusting his position and moving suddenly to rest his head in your lap. You almost flinch in surprise, but you don’t pull away or address it. He smiles, though it’s difficult to tell if the smile is at your lack of protest, or because of what he says next. “Do you prefer smooth or crunchy peanut butter? Because I used smooth, but I personally prefer crunchy. You just strike me as a smooth peanut butter kind of gal.” He admits.

“Actually, I’m allergic to peanuts.” You volunteer awkwardly. His eyes fly open in horror and his expression is so comical you burst out laughing. “Joking! Jokes. I’m not allergic.”

He stares at you incredulously for a long moment before shaking his head.

“I didn’t know you knew how to make jokes.” He comments seriously, but then he smiles. “You know, peanut allergies aren’t something to mess around with. I could have accidentally killed you.”

“It was in poor taste.” You agree with a frown. “I’m sorry- I don’t know what came over me.”

To your surprise, Jungkook merely laughs.

“There’s the (Y/N) I know and love.” He says seriously. “Wouldn’t know a joke if it hit her in the face.”

He doesn’t seem to notice his slip, or the way you fall abruptly silent at his words. You know he doesn’t mean it, at least not in the way you want him to mean it but for some reason your heart still flutters strangely at the words. You swallow awkwardly and if he notices the way your answers to his continued stream of conversation are weirdly stiff for the rest of your lunch hour, he doesn’t comment on it.

You don’t vomit any petals that night.

After the picnic, Jungkook doesn’t get another chance for a while to check in on your disease. A whole month passes without the two of you being able to chat properly about it. Suddenly everything with the wedding hits what you often refer to as the “go” period. Wedding planning often starts off slow, with couples taking their time to decide what they want and sort their new lives together. But once a date is set, often things become suddenly fast-paced- with deadlines come people who are unable to meet them, comes pressure, comes stress for the bride and groom. Of course, you are used to the stress of the “go” period, since it is a major part of your job, and Jungkook has seen you juggle multiple weddings in the “go” period at once. This is his first one, though, and he suddenly has a newfound appreciation for the complexity and stress of your job. It’s just as well though- you seem to withdraw further into your shell after the picnic and he can’t shake the feeling that you’re distancing yourself from him.

It’s not like there’s a way he can actively do anything about the second step of the pamphlet Namjoon had given him. At least, not for a good while, until one day Seri decide it’s appropriate for all four members of the event-planning firm to go out for a company dinner. Jungkook can count on one hand the number of times he has agreed to go with his coworkers in the last five years and he actually fully intends on keeping that number low. He has to go into the office tomorrow to make some last minute adjustments for Minah’s bridal shower in two days, and it’s a mere two weeks until her actual wedding. He doesn’t have time for this kind of frivolous outing- at least, he doesn’t until he overhears Seri encouraging you to take shots with her after dinner.

Alarm bells go off in his head and the words of Namjoon’s pamphlet begin to replay loudly in Jungkook’s mind:

“2. Avoid alcohol.

Hanahaki is known to reduce oxygenation and cause increased dehydration in patients, and alcohol can exacerbate these symptoms. A small amount with the advice of your doctor should be fine, but try to avoid heavy or regular drinking as it may temporarily worsen your symptoms. Some patients have also reported increased vomiting episodes following a period of drinking, although this is rare.“

“I’ll come!” Jungkook declares urgently, interrupting your reluctant agreement to do shots with Seri. Seri stares incredulously at Jungkook and slowly the smile slides off her face and something devious and scheming replaces it.

“You want to come, Jungkook?” She asks, her voice lightly curious and completely polite but he can’t help but pick out the undercurrent of something that no doubt spells trouble for him. He almost recants his desire to come, but one look at you and he knows he’s stuck.

“I… yes.” He says, though he feels vaguely like he’s sealing his doom.

“Jungkook’s coming?” Jin cries, emerging from your office where he’s stolen your stapler, the pink on with your name and the words “KIM SEOKJIN DO NOT STEAL” printed in permanent marker across the side. Your gaze flickers to the stapler and you glare. “This calls for something big!”

“I was just thinking the same thing, Jin.” Seri agrees, looking remarkably smug, like the cat that got the cream. “I don’t think our office outfits will do, though- I’m thinking we go home, get changed, and go all out for dinner tonight- and I’m thinking we should go clubbing afterwards.”

Jin blinks, as if he hadn’t expected Seri to play along with his desire for a big night out, but then he smiles.

“Sounds great.”

An hour later, Jungkook discovers why Seri had looked so scheming when Jungkook agreed to come along, because you step into the restaurant and he almost sprays his water all over the three entrees Jin had ordered for himself. Jin barely takes notice- he doesn’t lift his gaze from where he eyes his entrées, and simply pats Jungkook on the back repeatedly while Jungkook hacks his lungs out.

“They look delicious.” Jin comments, and Jungkook almost agrees until he realises that Jin is commenting on his food, and not the way you look tonight. Good thing he catches himself in time before he can embarrass himself. Seri is similarly dressed up, with her long sleek hair pulled into a high ponytail and an off-the-shoulder figure hugging dress and she looks beautiful, but she doesn’t make his heart skip a beat the way your appearance is currently doing.

You take your seat opposite Jungkook, oblivious to the way his lungs seem to have gone on strike with your proximity. You look so pretty. You’re always pretty, in personality and in looks but in that moment he could almost picture what being on a date with you would be like. He thinks that he would like it, probably. He’d like the way you’d almost definitely put a lot of effort in because you care about things like that and he’d like the way your face would light up when he tok you to a nice restaurant like this one because you like being pampered and he’d like the way his hand would look wrapped around yours while resting against the deep red of your dress when he eventually plucked up the courage to tug his seat next to your and grab your hand. But this is all hypothetical- he knows he’s not ready for that, not yet. Still…

“You look… amazing.” Jungkook comments softly. You look up, surprised, and then a shy smile that makes his heart ache crosses your face.

“Thank you.” You respond, unable to meet his gaze and the response is so endearing he feels like he’s melting. “Seri picked out my outfit.”

You’re welcome. Seri mouths at him, but he is unable to respond or thank her before the waitress is interrupting you to ask for your orders. The night almost goes smoothly from there- Jungkook almost forgets to order because he’s focusing on the way your hair curls softly against your exposed neck and the waitress has to refill his water every few minutes cause he can’t seem to dispel the sudden dryness to his throat and the longer he looks at you the worse it gets.

Finally, the part of the evening that he’s been dreading arrives- Seri leads the three of you confidently through the streets towards a club she had frequented a lot before landing a steady job. Jungkook himself used to frequent the club scene in his early twenties but he hasn’t been to one since the strange night where you had been trying to help him. Sudden anxiety seizes him at the recall of that night when he remembers how quick strangers had been to flock to you- what if that happens again tonight, where you somehow look even more beautiful?

He grasps your wrist right before you enter the club and leans in close to you. Seri and Jin walk ahead of you.

“You’re not going to drink tonight, are you?” He asks softly. You turn your head slightly to meet his gaze and he feels a little dizzy with the way all of your attention is suddenly focused on him and he wishes it could stay that way all night but he knows it’s a selfish thought and since he’s still technically suffering from Hanahaki he doesn’t voice the request aloud.

“Why wouldn’t I?” You answer, puzzled. “It’s a Friday night and work has been stressful.”

He didn’t expect you to protest.

“It’s not good for your Hanahaki.” He tries to explain. You roll your eyes.

“That’s not your problem, Jungkook.” Is all you tell him before he loses his grip on you and is separated from you in the sudden rush of the crowd. He tries to call out, but his voice is lost amidst the pounding music, and he’s left standing pathetically by himself in the entrance corridor.

It doesn’t take him long to find you again- you wait at the bar and happen to meet his gaze when he finally fights his way through the crowd of people. You watch him for a moment, before offering a chilling smile and then before his eyes you down a shot of something clear and probably alcoholic. Jungkook’s eyes go wide and he manages to force his way to your side.

“What the heck, (Y/N)!” He cries. “I didn’t say that as a joke- the pamphlet says that you shouldn’t be drinking with your condition-“

“Forget about the stupid pamphlet.” You say dismissively. “It’s not like it’ll cure me- it’s supposed to ‘temporarily alleviate my symptoms’.” You mock. Then your gaze softens, and you gently grasp his hand between yours. You tug him forward and lead him to a quieter area of the club where it’s actually possible to have a normal conversation. “Jungkook. I really, really appreciate what you’re trying to do. I do. And I know it’s coming from a good place, but with everything that’s been happening lately, I just want to let loose on a Friday night with my friends. I’m an adult and I’m well aware of the consequences of my actions. I just want one night, where I don’t have to worry about my illness, or yours, or the wedding, or anyone’s wedding. Can you do that for me?”

He opens his mouth to protest, to stop you, but nothing comes out. Instead his heart pulses painfully in his chest at the way you’ve opened up. You actually haven’t share how hard things have been for you probably since agreeing to plan the wedding. Instead it’s been all about him- how can you care for him, how can you be there for him, what can you do to keep Minah and Taehyung from finding out? Even after you’d vomited that petal, the first time you saw him again had been to comfort him. And he really, really likes that about you, how selfless you can be, how you don’t even ask him to consider you, but it also scares him. Because what you deserve is actually the opposite of what he has been for you- for someone who loves you so much they wouldn’t think twice about putting you first, even above their own comfort. And he wants to be that person, suddenly. Not because he thinks he’s selfish, or because of the self-loathing that has motivated him in everything up until now. So he swallows his unease and offers you a weak smile.

“Ok.” He agrees. “But if things get out of hand, I’m taking you home, ok?”

“That just means I can go all out.” You tell him dismissively. “Cause you’re gonna take care of me, right?”

He feels like his heart is melting beneath the hot, molten lava that has suddenly filled his ribcage.

“I… yeah. Ok.” He agrees stupidly, and you grin at him.

Seri appears in the next moment to drag you off to do more shots and Jungkook actually makes it through most of the night without regretting his decision to trust you to make responsible choices. At least not until the shots start hitting and then maybe he thinks that maybe you really aren’t making the wisest decisions tonight. He watches you, Seri and Jin get progressively drunker throughout the night and winces as your antics get steadily more embarrassing and cringey. With a remarkable amount of patience, it isn’t until you and Jin begin dancing together quite inappropriately the Jungkook thinks you’ve had too much.

“Remember our earlier agreement?” He asks- prying you off Jin is rather like peeling a slug off a window. He swallows back the bile rising in the back of his throat and tugs you backwards until you flop weakly into his arms.

“Jung- hic- Jungkook!” You cry drunkenly. You then whirl around and wrap your arounds around his neck. Your hips start swivelling in a way that is both incredibly distracting and incredibly embarrassing. He knows you’re going to be thrilled in the morning when you wake up and recall that not just one of your co-workers, but all three (because he had witnessed you and Seri dancing together earlier in the night) now have first hand experience on your most embarrassing club moves. “Dance with me!” You plea, but he plants his hands on your hips to stop their workplace-inappropriate swaying and grimaces at you.

“You’re going to love reliving this when I remind you in the morning.” He says with a smile. “But in the meantime, how about we go home?”

You nod placidly and allow him to lead you out of the club. He calls an uber to take the two of you home since he’d taken public transport to get to the restaurant, and you fall asleep on the drive home. Your head lolls against his shoulder and he doesn’t pull away because the weight is comforting. He bites back a smile as he examines the way your lashes fan against the apples of your cheeks and the way your lipstick is smeared slightly on your bottom lip. Somehow, he finds it endearing- you’re always so put together and guarded, determined to take care of every person in the room but yourself, and he likes that you’re suddenly vulnerable with him. Even this, getting drunk knowing he’d be the one to drag you home, falling asleep against his shoulder- they’re all acts of trust that are infinitely precious and once more he is confronted with a sense of a growing feeling he’s been unwilling to name thus far. The same one that had prompted him to think in his living room that night that he doesn’t want you to move on without him.

He knows what you’d think, if you knew about this warm, unfurling feeling in his chest. Just a few short months ago he’d been willing to die for the sake of Minah’s happiness. And he’d only told Taehyung and Minah the truth a month ago- that’s such a short amount of time. But really, when he thinks about it, he knows these feelings go back further than just the short month since being rejected. No- if he thinks about it really hard, his feelings for you are like a tree. A pathetic sprout, planted all the way back to when you first agreed to take a chance on the random guy at the bar and start a business together. It has been growing steadily without him even noticing. And now he looks, and there’s an oak tree. He’s not sure when it grew to be that big or that intense but now when he looks, it’s all he can see. But that’s way too much, way too soon after Minah and so he does what he’s been continuing to do every time he’s confronted with how he feels about you- he pushes it down, to deal with later. After the wedding, after he’s cured. Just… after.

You’re still very drunk by the time the uber driver gets you back to your apartment. You vomit in the toilet bowl once you’re safely inside and it’s a sickening mixture of petals and vomit. Jungkook has to brush your teeth for you because you’re too drunk to even hold a toothbrush. The whole time you stare placidly at him and your fingers curl gently into the lapels of his coat. You obey his commands and pull silly faces while he scrubs your teeth clean. It’s a little gross but once your teeth are clean it’s more manageable. When you’re clean enough for bed and the vomit is long gone, he hoists you up with an arm around his shoulder and helps drag you towards the bedroom.

He miscalculates as he tries to lay you down because you still stubbornly cling to his coat. He stumbles awkwardly and tried to cradle the back of your head before you can bang it on a corner, but the two of you still go down. He manages to avoid crushing your abdomen with his knee by planting his knees on either sides of your hips. He catches his weight on his elbows on either side of your face and he’s focused enough of not crushing you that it takes him a moment to register your proximity. When he does, it’s like all the air rushes from his lungs in a whoosh. Your fingers, still stubborn curled into his jacket, tug him forward and in the next moment your lips are pressing softly against his.

His heart burns at the contact of your lips against his. Every rational, logical thought seems to evaporate with the warmth of your body pressed against his. Your hands continue to steadily pull him downwards by his jacket until his body slots neatly against yours. His right hand, of its own volition, slides to cup the curve of your jaw and you shudder at the sensation of his cold fingertips pressing into such a sensitive spot. Your teeth catch against his bottom lip and he can’t help but make a small noise that you quickly swallow. Jungkook pulls away just long enough to exhale shakily but you quickly tug him back in for another kiss.

He feels like there’s lightening in his veins, leaving molten trails in its path. The thought that you are drunk and may regret this in the morning quickly has him regaining his senses enough to pull away, but the damage is done. You’re drunk- it doesn’t mean anything. But he wants it to mean something. Your eyes are round and innocent as you regard him, and he’s never wanted anything more than he wants to kiss you again in that moment. He presses his forehead against yours and pants helplessly. He feels like there are two big magnets in his lips pulling him downwards and he sits up, away from you before he can do something you both might regret.

“Jungkook,” You breathe and he squeezes his eyes shut. The way you just said his name is probably going to haunt him for the rest of his life- it’s going to be on replay in all his dreams. The whiny, slightly breathy intonation has probably ruined his life for good.

“Go to sleep.” He pleads, more for his own sake than yours. He manages to keep a gentle smile on his face as your grip on his jacket loosens. You watch him with a sleepy and mildly curious look as he stands up and takes a step away from your bed, away from the tantalising warmth of your body. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

The second he’s safely outside your bedroom, he slumps uselessly against your door. He feels like there’s a hot, tight ball in his chest, filled with equal amounts stress and yearning.

So much for pushing down his feelings. It can’t go on like this. So, when he finally regains control of his lungs and his hands stop shaking from the sudden adrenaline rush, he pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts. There’s always been one guy he goes to for girl advice, at least there had been before Minah, and he’s the best chance Jungkook has at sorting these feelings out.

“Hello?” He hears Taehyung answer on the other end sleepily. Jungkook swallows awkwardly before answering.

“Tae, I need your advice…”

There’s chocolates on your desk. It’s not unusual to find gifts on your desk- oftentimes clients will stop by after their wedding with a thank-you present. But usually whoever is in the office when it gets dropped off will leave it with a sticky note saying who it’s from, or the clients will leave a card. This has no such thing. And, oddly, it just so happens to be your favourite brand. You feel like it’s not common knowledge and you don’t tend to go announcing your favourite kind of chocolates with clients, which means it’s probably not from them.

You want to eat it, but there’s been multiple times that you’ve eaten unlabelled chocolates and been chewed out by Seokjin for doing so, so you grab the box and poke your head out of your office door.

“Seokjin, do you know who left these chocolates?” You call. He doesn’t raise his eyes from his desk.

“Have you forgotten our deal already?” He answers, still distractedly typing something. You wince as you realise that yes, you had forgotten the deal. Said deal being that you call him Jin from now on lest he continue to tease you about the other night where you had apparently gotten drunk and grinded on not one, but all three of your employees. Not that you remember anything from that night, but Jin keeps promising that he has video evidence. You’re glad Jungkook had apparently managed to drag your ass home before things got too out of hand.

“Jin.” You grit out, irritated by the unprompted and unwelcome reminder of your drunken shenanigans. The sounds of his keyboard clicking pauses as he looks up and squints at the box of chocolates you are waving at him.

“I saw Jungkook carrying those in earlier. I tried to steal one, but he insisted they were a gift and that I couldn’t have any. I’d check with him before you eat them.” He says, and his tone is petulant. He never handles being denied sweets well.

Confused, you nod and wonder over to the kitchenette where Jungkook rests against the countertop, searching something on his phone.

“Can I eat these?” You ask, shoving them in his face. He flinches in surprise, having not expected you to suddenly appear, and when he registers the box of chocolates, his ears turn bright red. He looks up from his phone to grimace at you and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say his cheeks were glowing a bright pink.

“I left them on your desk for you, so yeah.” He says, surprisingly short and clipped in his delivery. You blink a little, baffled by the way he’s in such a bad mood, but you suppose that with only two weeks until Minah and Taehyung’s wedding and the bridal shower the very next day, he must be feeling a bit stressed. You peel off the plastic wrapping and pluck a chocolate out without checking its flavour. Something strong with a bitter coffee-like after taste floods your tastebuds and you squeeze your eyes shut in delight.

“Yum.” You sigh contentedly. “Did a client leave them for me?”

When you open your eyes, Jungkook quickly looks away like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t have, and he clears his throat awkwardly.

“Not exactly…” He mumbles. “Iboughtthemforyou.” He says quickly. You don’t catch it though and tilt your head curiously.

“Sorry, what?” You ask, this time scanning through the list of flavours to pick your next piece more carefully.

“I was doing some grocery shopping last night and they were on special. I know they’re your favourite kind, so I bought them for you.” He admits at last. You nearly choke on the chocolate and he whacks you on your back until your breathing clears.

“Why?” You ask dumbly, when you’re no longer at risk of aspirating. He looks away and rubs awkwardly at the back of his neck.

“Because I was thinking about you.” He confesses, and then he strides out of the room before you can interrogate him any further.

It’s not a standalone incident, oddly enough. The next day just before the bridal shower, you’re making some last-minute adjustments with the caterer when Jungkook pops up unexpectedly beside you. The caterer wrinkles her nose at his untimely interruption but leaves without complaint to complete the request you’ve asked of her.

“You won’t be at the bridal shower, will you?” Jungkook asks suddenly. You shake your head in answer.

“I’ll be available by phone if something goes wrong, but I have a few things to sort back at the office and it’s not common for me to attend the bridal shower anyway. That’s for wedding guests and the bride to enjoy.” You explain. “Why do you ask?”

Jungkook looks side to side, like at any moment someone is going to jump out and hold a gun to his head, before leaning in close.

“I got us movie tickets for tonight.” He whispers. You feel a tickle in your throat at his proximity and the way his breath skates hotly over the shell of your ear. You exhale slowly to will away the sudden tension in his shoulders.

“Why?” You ask, feeling like he’s left you dumfounded a lot since the night you went out clubbing with everyone. Again, his cheeks do that thing where they may be flushed a soft red or it could just be the soft pink decorations accenting his skin tone.

“I… you said you wanted to see this movie and were upset Jin wouldn’t go with you.” He volunteers. He’s oddly cute in the way he won’t meet your eyes and the way his hair is a little fluffy and the way his shirt sleeves hang just passed his fingertips because he bought it few sizes too large. Your heart pulses painfully in your chest and you have a feeling this is the opposite of what you should be doing, if you want to get your Hanahaki under control.

“T… thank you.” You stutter, thrown off guard. “But I can just go see it with Ser-“

“See it with me.” He interrupts in a plead. “I’ve already bought the tickets! Also… don’t you think it would be fun? Seeing a movie with me?”

You stare at him for a long moment. The most logical explanation for his recent strange behaviour is that it has something to do with the responsibility he feels for your illness. You don’t want to encourage him, if that’s the case. You’re not sure why he can’t understand that the more time he spends with you, and the more kindness he shows you, the worse your sickness is going to get. But though you search his gaze, all you see is an earnest desire to see a movie with you. It’s an oddly sweet and simple request and you feel your chest warm at his behaviour.

“It… it would.” You reluctantly agree. “Ok. Tonight. After the bridal shower- if you’re sure.”

The odd behaviour continues in the two weeks leading up to the wedding. Jungkook keeps doing things like leaving you little gifts on your desk or inviting you to outings. He takes you out to dinner with Minah once, and though you had assumed it would be an uncomfortable experience it just ends up being enjoyable. Minah is warm and friendly and just excited that Jungkook doesn’t seem to be too bothered by his illness as of late. He pays for you, that night- you don’t even notice him slide away and it’s only when you suggest getting the bill that he announces it’s already been settled. You try to bank transfer him what you owe but he confiscates your phone for the rest of the night and holds it out of reach every time you try and get it back with a wide grin on his face. The oddest part is that he makes Minah pay for ice cream later to pay him back.

You don’t… dislike the way he’s acting. It just… it kind of feels like the two of you are a brand new couple, in the phase where you can’t get enough of each other and romantic gestures are commonplace but still exciting. You’re too afraid to ask him about it lest the hope that has steadily been blooming that maybe he has more motives than friendship in mind be squashed. You do notice that your Hanahaki symptom ease just slightly over those two weeks.

The odd behaviour comes to a head on the night before the wedding. You go down the day before with Jungkook- Seri and Jin are invited as well but plan to go on the day of the wedding since they have work to do. As for the hen’s night and buck’s night, Jungkook can’t physically be in two places at once, and Minah and Taehyung had both agreed that celebrating their last night of ‘freedom’ was a juvenile and inappropriate way to start off their life together. So, they instead opt for a pseudo-engagement party the night before the wedding. It’s a fairly intimate gathering- a few close friends, family and you. You normally attend the weddings of the clients you work for, and since this wedding involves an overnight stay for the more involved guests, Taehyung and Minah bite the bullet and invite you along so that you’re not sitting alone in your hotel room while everyone else has fun. It’s when you’re finalising the last details of said engagement party that it happens.

You don’t mean to eavesdrop- you’d stepped into the function room to check that everything was as the hotel staff had reassured you it was moments before, and your earring falls off and rolls away. With a groan, you get on your hands and knees and crawl beneath one of the draped tables, the long one that the catering staff are going to lay food across once the party begins. It’s dark under there and you crawl in far enough the drape falls, concealing your presence from anyone who steps into the room. Of course, you don’t know that until you hear Taehyung and Jungkook having some sort of intense conversation, seemingly unaware of your presence.

“So things are going well then?” You hear Taehyung’s deep voice say contemplatively. You freeze- you should reveal yourself lest you be face with the awkwardness of revealing that you are eavesdropping, but your dress is low cut and if you crawl out from under the table, both men will undoubtedly see more than they should. “Are you sure you’re not being too subtle? Why aren’t you going with my plan?”

“I’m trying to be subtle.” Jungkook complains. “I told you, Tae, I’m not trying to confess or sweep her off her feet like you would do. That’s not what I want, and I don’t think it’s what she wants either. I want her to warm up to the idea first. It’s a lot to take in.”

“Jungkook, this is your problem!” Taehyung exclaims. You shift, remaining crouched beneath the table- what are they talking about? Is… Is Taehyung giving Jungkook advice on how to win over Minah? The weirdness of such a situation has you adjusting your position to conceal yourself even better beneath the table. “You’re too hesitant with everything. You should have just taken the advice I gave you that night- Why would she need to be eased into it? She’s literally in love with you!”

Now that’s strange- Minah’s most definitely not in love with Jungkook. And it was stupid to think that Taehyung, madly in love with Minah as he is, would participate in such a conversation anyway. But then… who is he talking about?

“That’s why I’m going slow.” Jungkook mumbles. Taehyung releases a frustrated groan.

“Jungkook! Where’s the passionate romance? The heart-stopping confession? The resulting make-out session? Dive in already!” He demands. “She’s definitely in love with you- she has Hanahaki, doesn’t she? What else could you possibly need before you stop hesitating and actually do something?”

Your heart stops in the same moment that Jungkook mumbles something intelligible because finally it occurs to you who they’re talking about- it’s you. They’re talking about you. But what are they saying? What is Jungkook trying to do? Is… is Taehyung giving Jungkook advice on how to win your heart? Something foreign and fantastic explodes in your chest- you feel like you’re flying, with the air soaring past you and adrenaline pumping through your veins. Taehyung’s suggestion sounds like Jungkook has been trying to… confess to you. Could he… could he return your feelings?

You’re just about to reveal yourself and confront him over it when the next thing Jungkook says has you crashing and burning rather than soaring through the skies.

“I am doing something! I’m trying to cure her!” Jungkook protests hotly. You hear the sound of flapping paper and a quick peek under the tablecloth reveals that Jungkook is waving a crumpled piece of paper at Taehyung. The bold colours across it look vaguely familiar. Taehyung rolls his eyes and snatches the paper out of Jungkook’s flailing hand.

“Stop treating that stupid pamphlet the Hanahaki doctor gave you like it’s the secret recipe to the krusty krab burger and listen to me, for once in your life!” Taehyung snaps. With a sinking feeling, you suddenly understand the situation perfectly. That’s why the colours had looked familiar. The paper that Jungkook is waving is that stupid pamphlet your brother gave him, the one on Hanahaki. Which means everything, all the sweet gestures of late, were just more actions borne of guilt. It’s Jungkook’s stupid sense of responsibility. He’s just trying to help you “manage” your disease again. “Jungkook, you need to-“ Taehyung begins, but you scramble out from under the table, intent on fleeing the room before you can be humiliated any further. The words die in Taehyung’s mouth as the two men register your presence in the function room.

“(Y/N)?” Jungkook cries. “What are you doing here?”

He takes a tentative step towards you, but you whirl around so that your back is facing him before he can register the tears that stick your lashes together and smudge you mascara.

“I… I dropped an earring.” You say, but it is obvious that your voice is choked with a repressed sob. “And then it was too awkward to come out. Please, continue your conversation on how to cure me- I’m sure these feelings are inconvenient for you anyway.” You urge, already halfway to the door.

“Wait!” Jungkook cries, but you are already darting down the corridor before he can stop you. He groans, forcing a hand through his hair- Minah had carefully gelled it earlier that day but now he’s messed it up. Taehyung stares incredulously at Jungkook with his mouth twisted and one eye opened wider than the other.

“Kook,” Taehyung calls. “What are you waiting for? Now’s your chance to have the big romcom scene-“

“No!” Jungkook snaps, whirling on Taehyung. “I shouldn’t have called you for this in the first place. All your dumb ideas of buying her gifts and dinner and taking her out didn’t work! She’s still sick and now she probably thinks I did all that just to get rid of her feelings! This messes up the entire plan I had.”

Taehyung groans and presses a hand to his forehead before whirling on his friend with a surprising fire in his eyes.

“Then go and tell her that! Stop beating around the bush and making all these plans and trying to ‘ease’ into everything!” Taehyung cries. He steps forward and plants both his hands on Jungkook’s shoulders and meets his gaze dead-on. “I love you, Jungkook, but do you know what your problem is? You’re always so busy freaking out and wondering about what could go wrong that you just forget to live your life. There’s been exactly one time in your entire life that you’ve been reckless and impulsive and said ‘to hell with the consequences’ and that was the day you asked (Y/N) to start a business with you. And I know Minah scolded you heaps because of that because it was reckless, but you know what? I think it was the smartest, bravest thing you’ve ever done and look where it got you. Look where taking that leap of faith can get you! Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to stop holding back all the time?”

“I was just trying to…” Jungkook says weakly. “I was afraid, that I’d make it worse. I wanted her to be completely comfortable and have the disease under control before I dropped a bomb like that.” Taehyung’s eyes soften as he regards his old friend.

“Confessing to her would cure her. You of all people should know that. You know this disease back to front.” Taehyung says. “Jungkook, do you want to know the real reason you’re starting to get better? It’s not because of your feelings for (Y/N), although I’m sure they helped. It’s because you finally stopped holding yourself back all the time and actually processed things. You finally started seeking help instead of bottling everything up out of fear of how people would react. Do that now, Kook. Stop holding back and being afraid and making contingency plans and dropping hints to test the water because you’re too afraid to jump straight in. Take a chance.”

Taehyung smiles, and suddenly Jungkook understands something. He understands why it was Taehyung, and not him for Minah. It’s not cause he’s unlucky or because Taehyung is the better choice. He doesn’t believe in things like soulmates or fate, not anymore, which means maybe things could have gone differently- it really could have been him and not Taehyung. But it didn’t end up that way because Taehyung took the leap Jungkook was too afraid to even attempt. And that’s why he lost his chance with Minah and he’s going to lose his chance with you if he keeps doing the same thing he’s always done: holding back what he’s really feeling. And he really, really doesn’t want to lose his chance with you. Jungkook swallows and Taehyung seems to sense the change in demeanour because his expression softens, and he smiles.

“I… I have to go after her.” Jungkook breathes, lungs locked with the force of his realisation.

“That’s my boy.” Taehyung says warmly, dropping his arms from Jungkook’s shoulder, freeing him to allow him to chase after you. Jungkook takes one last look at his old friend and wills his non-existent courage forward as he turns and takes off in the direction that you’d fled in.

You’ve made it safely to the elevators and are tearfully waiting for them to slide closed when a hand shoots out through the centre of them. There’s a clattering noise and they slide back open to expose a crazy-looking Jungkook. His hair is in complete disarray and he’s out of breath and his top button is undone and his eyes have a wildness to them that you don’t really understand.

“Jungkook?” You say and your voice is embarrassingly uncertain and shaky with tears. “What are you-”

“Enough.” He cries, before throwing himself into the elevator. The doors slide shut behind him just in time for him to catch your face between his hands, one hand cupping each cheek, and plant his lips onto yours. It’s a forceful, desperate kiss. There’s a handrail protruding from the back wall of the elevator and Jungkook presses into you until you’re leaning against it. It digs into the small of your back. He doesn’t open his mouth as he drops his hands from your face, curling them around the rail so that you are trapped between his body and the rail. He pulls away and glares at you, but it’s not an angry glare. His gaze is just filled with an intensity that makes the hairs along the back of your neck raise. “No more.” He gasps.

“N-no more what?” You ask, a little dazed and confused. The elevator has slid shut behind him and rises slowly. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut. You’re on the top floor and if anyone were to try and get onto this elevator, then surely, they would have some complaints about PDA. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut and rests his forehead against you and your lungs rebel and your chest tightens. It’s a terrifying sensation yet somehow, it’s also thrilling.

“No more misunderstandings.” He says, and then he presses another long, lingering kiss to your mouth and your heart skips a beat. “No more running away.” He punctuates it with another kiss, and this one is almost angry. “No more holding back what we’re really feeling.” He goes in for another one but this time, though your reflexes are slowed with confusion and dazed from the warmth of his mouth, you manage to stop him before he can attempt another one.

“Jungkook, Jungkook, wait.” You cry, and he obliges though his gaze flickers down to your mouth and his tongue darts out to moisten his lips. “You need to explain- you can’t just walk in here, and… and…”

You’re not sure you’d have been able to finish the sentence even if the elevator hadn’t slid open in the next moment. But Jungkook stares down the hotel corridor and then at you and then he’s grabbing your hand and dragging you towards his room, only three doors down from your own. His fingers are clumsy as he struggles to grab his key from his wallet and then he leads you into his room. It’s a little messy- his suitcase is open with clothes strewn across his bedding and his laptop is open and plugged in to the wall, which is surely a fire hazard. He stops and turns to face you and you almost crash into you, but he steadies you with a hand on either shoulder.

“Your feelings aren’t inconvenient.” He says in a rush. You blink- the past few minutes have been so confusing and fast paced that it’s a real struggle to keep up. “And I’m not trying to get rid of them. And I’m not trying to sneakily treat you out of obligation or because I feel guilty. I was trying to make you comfortable using Namjoon’s pamphlet before I… before I…” He says, and he loses his steam when his explanation reaches that point. You don’t know what he plans to say next, but he drops his hands from your shoulders and whirls around so that you can’t see his expression.

“(Y/N).” He says, like he’s testing the syllables out, playing with the way they roll against his tongue. “I got a blood test the other week. Your brother said it’s the only reliable way to test if a patient is getting better or worse during treatment.”

You’re familiar with the process- Dr. Hoseok has been making you take them at least once a month in the efforts that you’ll finally show some improvement, but your blood results have remained frustratingly stable. You’ve been unable to figure out why, but staring at Jungkook now, at the planes of his shoulders and the way his suit jacket stretches flatteringly along their length and yet his hair is a little fluffy and there is one tuft that stubbornly sits perpendicular to his scalp, you realise why. It’s because you can’t get over him. You’ve been pushing down your feelings and ignoring them and trying to pretend they mean nothing to you for so long. You’re too busy to have feelings- he’s too important for you to pursue them. They’re just an inconvenience. A weakness that you can’t afford. But no matter how you try to hide or ignore them or push them out of your mind they just keep springing back.

“My levels have dropped back to almost normal.” Jungkook admits in an exhale. He turns to peek at you over his shoulder, curious about what reaction you are having. You don’t really react- your heart just pounds hollowly in your chest because you don’t understand the weight of what he’s saying. “I… I’m almost better, (Y/N). I have one more blood test scheduled for the day after Minah and Taehyung leave for their honeymoon, but I think that even if it was scheduled for today the results would be the same- I’m cured. I haven’t thrown up in two weeks- I used to do it multiple times a day.”

“How?” You ask softly and without your consent a tear rolls down your cheek. You’re surprised- you didn’t feel it build and you don’t know why you’re suddenly crying. Jungkook turns fully to face you and steps in close so that he can affectionately slide his thumb across your cheek, wiping away the tear. His expression is gentle and peaceful as he does so- a little half smile curls at the corners of his lips.

“I don’t know. But Taehyung reckons it’s because I was finally honest with myself. I stopped pushing everything down and holding back and trying to push everyone away when things got hard.” He admits. “So, then it got easier to process things and move on, I guess. But do you know how I suddenly learnt to do that?” You shake your head and his smile widens until it’s a brilliant beam that is so bright you almost have to look away. His hand still carefully cups your cheek like you’re the most precious gem or treasure in the world.

“You taught me.” He admits softly. “For an entire year I isolated myself and pushed people away and I’d forgotten what it was like to have someone to rely on until you came along. And you’ve just been so… you. Fighting harder for me than I fight for myself. And you made me brave- the things I was afraid of happening seemed manageable because I knew you would help me and support me through it. And when I finally spoke up, things just went well. I’ve mended things with Minah and Taehyung, and my illness is getting better, and I’m happy. I’d forgotten even what the word meant until recently. So, now that I know how great it is to just say the truth… I’m sick of just sitting back and letting all this misunderstanding and confusion and procrastination and fear hold me back from what I really want- and what I want is you.” He explains forcefully. “Aren’t you sick of it too? Of pretending things are ok and normal when they’re not because it would be too uncomfortable otherwise? Of running away when things get complicated because it’s too hard to deal with? Of not going after what we really want in case things don’t work out? Wouldn’t it be better if we just… did it together? Wouldn’t it be more fun if we faced all the scary bits side by side?”

It would. What he’s offering sounds too good to be true? Ever since you had coughed up that first petal, you’ve been trying to pretend that you didn’t really want Jungkook. Yes, you have feelings for him but you’re a smart, logical woman and to take it any further would be a stupid move. Illogical. Irrational. Inconvenient. Dangerous. Yet, now that he stands in front of you, offering the exact thing you’d been pretending you don’t want, you realise how much you want it. How much you want him- how much you love him.

“Jungkook,” You say slowly, and your voice cracks.

The two of you are interrupted by the sound of a repeated knocking on his room door and you hear a female voice call out.

“Jungkook! Minah wants me to give a speech and she said you’d look over it to make sure the stories I have aren’t too incriminating- quickly come and check!” You recognise the voice as one of Minah’s university friends who is attending the party which starts in a mere 30 minutes. Jungkook’s eyes bug out of his head and he looks like it’s the last thing he wants to do in that moment.

“Go.” You say, instead of what you had originally planned to say. “It’s ok. We can talk later… we have time.” You admit. “I… I won’t run away again.”

Jungkook’s eyes light up and his gaze searches your for a long moment before he smiles.

“Ok. Later. Promise?” He requests and you offer him your warmest, sweetest smile and he thinks his heart goes on strike for a moment.

“Promise.” You respond sincerely.

Of course, when you had promised to talk later, you had meant after the wedding. Maybe the two of you could get dinner after work one day and just talk things out. Have a proper date, see how things played out, like a normal couple. Take it slow and just figure out what each of you wanted. If things went well, your Hanahaki would resolve and Jungkook’s is almost pretty much gone anyway. Jungkook, of course, gripped with a desperate impatience, had no such thoughts of waiting that long. Throughout the party he takes every opportunity to try and make it to your side but each time he is intercepted. A maid of honour or a best man would be busy the night before on a normal wedding, but not only does Jungkook have to play both roles, he does not have any other members of the bridal party to help ease the load. You watch with increasing amusement as each attempt to speak to you is thwarted with another issue he must sort and the looks he sends you are increasingly frustrated and forlorn. And when he’s not being called away, you are. Finally, you must call it a night, and when you meet Jungkook’s eyes that last time, a sort of recognition and resignation lights his eyes. Not tonight, his eyes seem to agree. There are far more urgent and pressing things for him to worry about- the two of you can sort things out after Minah and Taehyung have had their dream wedding.

The day dawns bright and sunny and you are very busy as you smooth out the last minute kinks and deal with the deadline disasters that always seem to accompany the actual wedding day. The florist broke her arm and can’t deliver the flowers- the guitarist’s string snapped and he doesn’t have a spare- one of the kitchen staff sliced their finger with a knife. You handle each with the grace and poise of a seasoned wedding planner and don’t have time for a single thought but making sure this wedding goes smoothly until you step into the bride’s room for a last-minute check.

Minah is standing before the mirror and adjusting the long skirt of her wedding dress. After the revelation of what Jungkook’s reaction had been to the first dress she tried on, she’d quickly opted for a different choice. This one has a lace up to the thin column of her throat but the material is delicate and see-through, exposing her arms and collarbone beneath it. The bodice hugs her torso closely and a delicate line of embroidered flowers trails a spiral path down her body onto the full skirt that flares out at her waist. Her hair is up and pinned smoothly into a tasteful twist and her veil is a draped delicately across the crown of her head and shrouding her in a soft white that makes her look like an angel.

“You look amazing.” You say warmly. You say that to every bride, for every wedding you plan, but not once have you ever not said the words genuinely. People tend to glow with a happiness that words can’t describe when the day arrives for them to marry the love of their lives and that, more than any dress, or makeup or hairstyle, is why you’ve never seen an ugly bride. Minah is no exception, even if on a model day she probably gets scouted on the street for modelling agencies. The warm, slightly nervous but excited smile she gives you in answer is the reason you plan weddings- you love bringing joy to people on such an important day.

“Thank you.” She says, sincerely, hugging the bouquet closely to her chest. She’d originally wanted roses, but you’d had to change it a month earlier when she’d rung you in tears after discovering that Jungkook vomits rose petals when he’s having an episode. You’d opted for a bouquet of light blue baby’s breath, promising that they symbolise long-lasting love. The way she hugs them to her chest now, you know you’ve made the right choice. As a wedding planner you’ve become quite adept at picking out what couples will go the distance and what ones won’t make it far past the wedding. Taehyung and Minah are one of those couples, the rare kind who you know love each other past all the bells and whistles that a wedding sometimes have. Sometimes people use the grand party and the pretty clothes and the fresh excitement to push away or ignore their issues or even to escape the reality of the future spouse they have chosen, but that hasn’t been the case with these two. They really, truly love each other and even though it has, by far, been the most difficult wedding you have ever had the misfortune to plan, you’re glad they chose you to plan it.

“I just wanted to check in on how you’re doing. Your mother is just outside, by the way, so I won’t stay long. I need to make a couple of phone-calls. I’ll meet you out in the gardens in a half an hour, ok?” You say, glancing at the silver watch that rests against your wrist and wincing as each tick of the second hand means you have one less moment to make things absolutely perfect. You duck your head respectfully and are about to excuse yourself, when Minah calls out.

“Wait.” She cries. She tugs up the hem of her dress and steps towards you. “Before you go… did you talk to Jungkook?”

You’re surprised by her questioning and wonder what exactly she’s referring to.

“I… have. Last night before the engagement party.” You confess, though you don’t elaborate what the conversation was about. Something about the way Minah smiles tells you that perhaps she knows, though. She tilts her head delicately.

“I guess I’ll have to ask you for the full details later. I’d really… I’d really like if we could have that kind of friendship, going forward. The kind where you can confide in me. I really like you, (Y/N), and I really like how much brighter and happier Jungkook is around you. And my wedding day probably isn’t the best day to talk about that sort of thing, but I feel like I can walk up that aisle in peace, and I feel like it’s thanks to you.” She says. “I… a part of me always knew, you know. About his feelings. I didn’t know about the Hanahaki but I knew he had feelings for me. I was just so terrified of what that would mean for the three of us that I never said anything. Maybe if I had sooner, he would have never gotten sick. Does that make me a bad person?” She wonders aloud.

You’re not sure why she’s telling you this, but you also know that people often get emotional on their wedding day. It’s a day where a lot of truths start to come out. You consider her words.

“No. No I don’t think it does.” You admit. “I think it makes you a human. And you couldn’t have known how things would play out.”

She laughs and lowers her gaze. The laugh lacks humour and she tilts her head.

“It could have been me and him, you know.” She says, but there’s nothing mocking in her tone- no desire to make you uncomfortable or insecure. It’s just a genuine reflection and so you don’t feel defensive at her words. Because it could have been her and Jungkook. “If he’d said something before Taehyung, maybe things would have played out differently. But… I’m glad he didn’t. I’m glad it was me and Taehyung. My mother likes to say that love is about timing and I always agreed with her. Love works out when two people meet at the right time and fall in love at the right time. And I thought that was what happened with me and Taehyung. But… I don’t believe that anymore. Love is more than timing- it’s about working for that love. And I can walk up that aisle with a clear mind and heart because I don’t have to feel guilty for loving Taehyung and hurting Jungkook all because of something as convenient as timing. Because I know you’ll work for Jungkook. And I’m going to work for Taehyung, for the rest of my life. So thank you- for more than just the wedding, thank you for working for Jungkook and with him.” Minah says.

And then she does something unexpected- she pulls you into a tight hug. You’ve never been an affectionate person, particularly not with people you don’t know that well and particularly not with clients. But for the moment… for the moment you allow it with a half-smile.

A lot of people, when they learn what you do for a living, and when they learn what you gave up, are often baffled. Weddings get a bit of a bad rep, because they’re just huge parties for marriages that don’t work out 70% of the time. There’s a lot of bitterness tied up with weddings and often they just become a place for couples to flaunt their wealth and love. To rub it in the faces of people who don’t have those things. So the question you are often met with is this: Why weddings? Why do you put up with bridezillas screaming at you for minor miscommunications like red roses instead of blood orange roses, or parents of the couple making ridiculous requests at the last possible minute like life-size ice sculpture replica of the happy couple?

It’s because of the moment that follows a mere two hours after your heart-to-heart with Minah. Where the crowd goes silent as the opening to Pachelbel’s Canon in D begins to weave through the air at the hands of the skilful string quartet hired to play for the wedding. Where Taehyung’s whole face changes, filled with hope and love and adoration and excitement. And where Minah steps onto the aisle, her eyes fixed straight ahead on the life she is about to start with the man she loves. That moment, that precise moment is why you love planning weddings and yet, for some reason you find yourself looking away in the moment.

You’re struck with the random thought: What is Jungkook doing, in this moment? How is he feeling, seeing his two best friends get married after all the torment he has endured? And as you slowly turn your head to find out, you are surprised to find him staring straight at you. His face lights up when his gaze meets you, and the smile he gives you makes an odd sensation fill your chest, like a tension in your lungs is giving way. Suddenly the air is clean and smooth as you breathe and a warmth spreads in your cold body, all the way from your heart to the tips of your fingers. A warm breeze flutters by and the warm scent of flowers fills your nostrils but rather than make you feel sick or nauseous, all you feel is a joyous warmth.

And if you’d ever had any doubts, in that moment you know it to be true: Jungkook loves you. You could get a blood test in that exact moment and you know what the results would be.

*Epilogue*

You and Jungkook are dancing together. At some point during the wedding reception, the two of you had drifted closer and closer until you’re now slow dancing together with matching smiles on your faces. Your arms are looped around Jungkook’s neck as he sways you back and forth and there is a warm, loving fondness in his eyes as you slowly loop around the dancefloor.

The whole time, Jin watches with a curious look on his face, sipping delicately from his water. Technically, he could have stayed overnight and saved himself the long, two-and-a-half-hour trip home he will have later tonight, but he feels like maybe he doesn’t deserve to stay. Or at least, he had felt like he hadn’t. But watching the two of you together, smiling privately at each other like you have a joke that no one else in the room is privy to, suddenly a weight is lifted off Jin’s chest. The burden of almost ruining your lives is finally gone, seeing the way you are finally happy together.

“You’re quiet.” Seri comments, sliding into the unoccupied seat beside Jin. He doesn’t remove his eyes from the dance floor. The two of you have paused your dancing to laugh over something with Taehyung and Minah.

“I’m just relieved.” He says simply. Seri smiles, turning to peek at Jin’s profile. He’s been oddly quiet at the office, ever since you vomited that petal, and it hasn’t felt right. She’s missed his unique sense of humour and the brightness and joy he brings to each day. Hopefully, after seeing you and Jungkook together, he’ll go back to that.

“I’m glad.” She says softly. “You haven’t been yourself.”

Jin turns his full attention to her then and offers her a cryptic smile.

“I haven’t. But I think I’m feeling more myself tonight. Thank you, by the way.” He says, ignoring her comment. “For helping them. I just messed things up, but you fixed everything- you got Jungkook to come clean, you managed to get Minah to tell you where Jungkook’s spare key was so (Y/N) could get into his apartment… clearly I should stand back and let you do all the matchmaking, in the future.” He says with a slight laugh. Seri smiles and shakes her head.

“I hope you’re finished with the matchmaking business for the rest of your life.” She says in a serious deadpan. But then a smile crosses her face. “But enough of that. This is a wedding- I want to dance. Are you going to join me or not?”

Jin nearly chokes on his water, completely thrown by what Seri is offering, before smiling widely and excitedly.

“I’ve been avoiding the dancefloor till now to avoid upstaging the bride and groom, but if you insist.” He cries, scrambling to his feet. “It’s time for all these plebs to learn why they call me Dancing King Seokjin!”

Seri rolls her eyes but follows Jin onto the dancefloor with a laugh. There’s the Seokjin that she knows and loves.

It’s a pity, though, that Jin is distracted then because he misses the sweetest moment between you and Jungkook for the night.

“We can finally have that talk now, huh?” Jungkook asks with a small smile, spinning you around with a flourish. You laugh as he does so, before he pulls you in close and throws you into a dramatic dip. “Where should we start?”

“We don’t have to tonight, you know.” You say seriously. “We have all the time in the world.”

“We do?” Jungkook asks, holding back a warm smile. You nod sincerely as he tugs your arms up to wrap once more around him. You lace your fingers together where they rest at the nape of his neck.

“Yeah.” You say with a soft, breathless smile. “We do. There’s no rush at all. I’ll get a blood test with you in a couple of days and we can go from there. I have a feeling I know what the results will be, but we don’t need an answer tonight. There’s no reason to rush ourselves.”

Jungkook nods and purses his lips together as he contemplates your words, before he smiles.

“Hmmm… I guess you’re right. We can just enjoy tonight for what it is.” He agrees. “But there is one reason we should rush ourselves.” He confesses guiltily. You’re surprised and you frown.

“What’s the reason?” You ask nervously. Mischief flashes in Jungkook’s eyes.

“This.” He says. His hands slide up and cup your face and his fingertips are warm and then he kisses you. Long and sweet and deep.

And he’s right- you do have all the time in the world, but there’s no sense in wasting a single second, right?

*Fin*

#Jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #btsboulangerie #writing

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jarofrebuke-transcripts · 4 years ago

Text

Jar of Rebuke Episode 7 Unofficial Transcript

Season 1 Episode 7: Shifts

INTRO

The following audio recording is classified documentation for Case [audio distortion] with the Enclosure. Unauthorized access to this information will lead to immediate intervention. Progress further if proper clearance has been given.

JARED

So today I'm actually recording this from the lab I've had the room to myself for hours, just as it's been for a while now. Ever since my little vacation I've had more and more lab time to myself. It's nice? But also I just feel more lonely. I can play my music or whatever, but I do almost miss Dr. Castillo's presence. I guess I'd just gotten used to it no matter how weird it is at times. But having Grove around has helped immensely with the loneliness at home, at least. He's super cuddly, which I never expected from a literal hellhound. But Milo did mention the possibility of me being... touch starved? Which might also explain why the attention just feels so weird. I had never even heard of that before. I mean Dr. Daman has never brought it up. But again knowing that most hellhounds are not at all the cuddly sort... oh well, I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. [door creaks open] Oh, uh, hey Jamie!

JAMIE

(to herself) Alright, oh shit! (to Jared) Um, hey! Sorry, I thought this lab would be empty.

JARED

I mean I normally would be out on the field at this time, but it's a bit too cold today. Can I help you with something?

JAMIE

Nah, nah. To be honest, I kind of steal your office to nap during my break. This weather is killer on my body and I'm just, well, I'm tired.

JARED

Well if you need a nap, I can keep quiet? Or I mean, I can even duck out if you'd prefer, I don't want to stop you from getting any rest if you need it.

JAMIE

(small laugh) No no no no no, that's, that's fine. I'm... I'll just go grab a cup of coffee. You want a cup? I can grab one for ya, no problem.

JARED

Uh yeah, yeah, that'd be nice actually!

JAMIE

How do you take it?

JARED

Just grab a handful of sugar and some things of creamer. I like it pretty sweet.

JAMIE

You got it. We get crap coffee anyways. I'll be back.

JARED

[door closes] Thanks! That's Dr. Everett, though she never really lets me call her that. She's great. We've talked a few times in the hall mostly. Sometimes we catch each other in the elevator or end up chatting at the coffee machine. We've never hung out outside of work, though. I mean, hell, the only co-worker I've ever hung out with is Milo. We, we didn't hang out much when we were lab partners, but we started hanging out more recently. I don't know if I'd prefer to have them as a lab partner again or what we have now. It's nice to have, I don't know, friends? Anyways, the weather's getting colder so we've been working inside more. Yeah we bundle up and go out sometimes, but not as much as we were a month or so ago. I've mostly been working with Dr. Castillo to go over old recordings that we gathered. With us being lab partners we typically are also project partners, though not exclusively. It seems like recently she's been assigned to a project that's more in line with what she used to be doing. Something far less dangerous, which she seems to be very happy about. Whatever it is, it's keeping her out of the lab a good amount. So here I am, alone, as usual.

After I got back from my little vacation I went to see Dr. Daman for another appointment. She asked what I got up to so I told her about taking in a dog. I didn't tell her about how Grove isn't, you know, like most dogs, but I told her how nice it is to have Grove around. I mean, heck, that dog knows when I'm waking up from a nightmare and is always by my side! I thought that she'd be happy about it! But she seemed, I don't know, disappointed? She asked if I thought that I really needed to keep a dog around just to manage. Her tone was concerned, but her words? I don't know, it just… it made me feel bad about having Grove around. Made me feel bad for finding him so comforting. I told her I guess not, but it does really help. I've also gotten pretty attached to Grove. It's just nice to have him around even when I'm not in a panic or whatever. She gave a soft sigh and then just moved on, as if she wasn't happy about my answer. Even though she's always taking so many notes I don't know how much of me she really remembers. Like she doesn't really mention my friends by name, ever. I say names like Holly or Darius, or I mention Laura and Ester, and I always have to re-explain who they are. Holly, you know, the person from the snipe hunt? Or Darius, you know, the guy that I hung out with on his birthday? And she just takes more notes. I hardly feel like I'm getting much from her anymore. She asked me about the audio journal again and actually seemed pretty happy that I'm still taking her advice. And listen, I get it, I get it, it feels really good to know that someone is taking your professional advice, and doing this really does help. But I don't like how she presses on it. I mean, I almost want to stop doing this out of sheer spite sometimes.

After a bit of talking Dr. Daman mentioned that there's going to be a change in our sessions. My stomach sank. She said that I need to come in more frequently which was weird considering the fact that I feel like I'm doing fine! In fact, I feel like I'm doing better! But she's insisted that I need more help in this whole remembering thing. Help that she alone can't provide, apparently. I don't know, maybe she could have provided the help if she tried to actively help me remember, instead of just leaving me to remember naturally. So now there's going to be another person getting involved. I haven't met him yet, I meet him my next session. Apparently he's helped patients who have received injuries that have caused memory issues in the past. I wanted to ask why I didn't just see him from the get-go, but whatever. Next session, I am meeting a Mr. Liam Zimmer. Not a doctor, like most of the people around here end up being. He's a psychologist though, and according to Daman, he's a damn good one. Though those weren't her exact words, of course. She spoke highly of his abilities, though by her tone I can't tell how she personally feels about Mr. Zimmer. She's not as blatant in her cheerful disliking of things as Dr. Castillo is. Mr. Zimmer will focus on my amnesia, Dr. Daman will work on my other day-to-day evaluations, and Dr. Rahal is still my general physician for these headaches and whatever else happens.

Speaking of headaches, they've kinda come back again. Not as fiercely as before, more annoying than anything else really. Not debilitating by any means, but my gods! Are they a nuisance. Amir is trying to help me find other methods of dealing with them since medicine doesn't really work. Started drinking more water, which I'm objectively just bad at drinking enough water in general. I also have started some light workouts like twice a week, nothing too strenuous, just enough to get the blood pumping. It kind of sucks but I know it'll get easier over time. Amir said that all of my vitals are normal which is definitely good, but like, I don't know. Still a bit annoying sometimes that I can't look over my own records. I think next time I get a scan done, I'm going to ask to see it. I don't think that he's the kind of person to keep things from his own patients, so I'm sure he'll show me if I just ask.

Not gonna lie I looked up Mr. Zimmer in the work database. After trying to look into Dr. Kelder, I've gotten a bit curious to look and see what I can find about others. And if this guy is going to be helping me do a deep dive into my own brain, yeah I want to know about him. It says he's been with the Enclosure for a few years, mostly working in rehabilitation. But that doesn't explain why they didn't have me see him sooner. Like if he's literally in the rehabilitation program. What the hell have they been considering my case, huh? According to his records there was a period of time a couple of years ago that he was involved in some highly guarded cases. Not the general, you know, “can't discuss my patient’s work file” thing, but I mean high level clearance, password guarded. The Enclosure seems to really shuffle people around a lot. A lot of his methods, by what I could find, seemed to be experimental.

So when I say how unsure I am about all this I cannot emphasize how much I'm not exactly feeling this one. I hate sudden change, and this is kind of a big deal! They didn't even ask if I wanted this, they just told me that this is how it was going to be. Not even Dr. Daman seems too thrilled but considering how often she seems huffy with me that might just be her usual state. She's rarely pleased with any progress I make. She used to at least seem curious but nowadays she's more and more sensitive to me developing my own coping mechanisms outside of what she suggests. And I don't know, it just doesn't feel very good. And it's not like that I can find another therapist anyways. I mean Wichton has a fairly small but a very good network of counselors and social workers, but not any that I could see about my specific needs. To say I need specialists is putting it lightly. I feel like anyone outside of the Enclosure just wouldn't be able to help. I mean, if they are from outside of the Enclosure I can't tell them anything. I wouldn't be able to explain what I do at work. I can't go into my personal relationships are being affected by these things, the headaches, the bad dreams, the not remembering anything! So Dr. Daman and Mr. Zimmer it is.

But I'm also doing more at home to try and work on that stress which is actually really helping. Again Grove has been a huge help, he always seems to know when I need him the most and he'll pull me back into the moment. It's nice! And I've been spending some time with Holly, Darius, and some other folks in town. I've gotten this weekly routine of stopping by Mrs. Weddington's bakery to pick up some sweets and also at least once a week stopping by the Chronicle Inn for a meal to see Laura and Ester. I'm starting with the people and places that I'm most comfortable before I start branching out. Though I'll admit, whenever I go to the Chronicle Inn I can't help but consider booking myself a room again and seeing if I could speak with the Blue Lady. I mean, at least to get her name, at least to ask more questions. Should I get on that? I mean, no time like the present.

I'm also working to not lose myself to fixations, uh, trying to balance work-related studies and well, I guess studies of myself. Balancing all that out with relaxing things. I got another crossword book from Christine. I have no idea where she keeps getting them but they're great, honestly. It's been a bit harder to focus on them recently but I am going to try. I've tried cooking more, but I'm not really good at it. As Holly would say, I somehow burn water. But Darius has offered to come by and teach me some recipes so we're gonna hang out here soon so that he can help me learn some basic dishes. And considering that Holly wasn't too phased by the children knocking at the door, in fact they said it was cool, it makes me feel a little better at the idea of Darius actually spending some time over at my place. Grove is very protective of me, but he got along very well with Holly and doesn't seem to have much issue with people when I'm walking him. I'm pretty sure that it won't be an issue when Darius comes by. I warned him, but he seems excited to meet Grove, so we'll see how that goes. I feel like it'll go well.

[papers rustling] I think here soon, I have to go back out onto the field though. Not today, but I'm expecting within the next few weeks. A file that I have here is something about some kids wandering the woods not too terribly far away from here so I think I'll be going out to investigate that soon. The file says something here about them being the ghosts of victims of some unethical doctor that tested on children suffering from a hydrocephalus or water in the brain. An old haunted mansion with a wide range of things, but the most notable are the lingering spirits of those kids. Or it may actually be the kids themselves? Immortal or transformed into whatever it may be. So I'm probably gonna be going out and taking a look at that here soon. But I'm not gonna worry about it until I get that official email telling me to head out.

Well, uh, a new therapist, potential lead… uh, well my week other than that was great. I didn't really record much after I took Grove in. I hung out with Holly. We watched a few weird movies, played some video games together. They brought over their own gaming system and we just hooked it up to my TV. It was a lot of fun, and they got along very well with Grove. We did talk a bit about the whole gendered language issue. I started it by telling them about my whole situation with naming Grove, and it kind of just naturally led to the broader discussion of it. I also brought it up with Milo a little while later and both Holly and Milo asked if I'm non-binary. I wasn't expecting that question. I also wasn't expecting how right it would feel when I looked into it. Like, I don't mind people calling me sir or he all that much, but I just don't feel like the man that they see me as. Holly asked if I wanted to try they/them pronouns instead. But the pronouns aren't really what matters that much. I mean, as long as the person is addressing me in a way that I find respectful I don't really care much about pronouns. Milo made a similar offer, saying that if I ever wanted to try a new name or different pronouns to just let them know. I like my name, it's something that I have that's me, the only real tie that I have to my past, you know? And the pronouns thing? We'll see. Haven't talked to Dr. Daman about it yet. I really don't know if she'll care either way, in the dismissive way, not the accepting way. I have a feeling that Dr. Rahal would be accepting, he seems like the sort of type, the sort of person that would be accepting on this sort of thing. I might talk to Darius about it too. I don't know, I just have a feeling that he'd understand. Or at least be willing to listen. We've been starting to really open up to each other more about stuff, getting more personal. With that said I really don't know how much longer I can keep him entirely in the dark about my whole amnesia thing. He's smart, he's definitely gotta notice that I don't talk about my past. I'm surprised that he doesn't find me boring as hell to be completely honest. I mean, I'm glad he doesn't, I'm glad he likes to hang out.

Speaking of ties to the past last time that I was at the Chronicle Inn to pick up more dog treats for Grove, because I may or may not give him more treats than would be healthy for a normal dog. Spoiled rotten. I caught a glimpse of the inn's guest book, names dated back many years, and it was also strange to look over my own entry. I almost hadn't written in it but Ester reminded me on my way out a while ago to fill it out. And how could I say no? It got me thinking, like, should I go back? The Blue Lady insisted that she knew me and that must mean that she knows more about this whole situation. Since my headaches have been a lot better it might be a good time to go check in again and see what I can, you know, figure out from her. Figure out what she knows in a way that wouldn't leave me just with more questions like last time. Hell, maybe I could call work and see if they want to come fix some of my housing again. I'm sure Ester and Laura wouldn't mind if I brought Grove. I mean he may be huge but he's a really well-behaved softy most of the time. He does wander off at night, likely to do general hellhound things, but he hasn't caused much trouble. At least that's nothing that's gotten back to me. Well, I'll look into that.

I'm also pretty excited for time with Darius, I don't know if he'll stay the night like Holly did. My couch is pretty cozy, I mean I doze off on it all the time. But with the knocking at night and everything else, I don't... I'm worried I'd scare him off. I wasn't too worried about scaring Holly off with just, um, how they generally are. But I don't know how Darius would be about it. Guess all that I can do is just give him an heads up and let him decide if he wants to chance it. I mean, Holly's been trying to get Darius and I'd hang out more for whatever reason. [phone buzzes] Oh, alright, time to start getting ready for lunch. Um, I guess I might as well wrap up. This is Dr.- oh uh…

JAMIE

You won't believe the gossip I've got! I had a run-in with Todd in the elevator.

JARED

Wow, quickest way to have your day ruined! What did he say?

JAMIE

(small laugh) Well, he saw I wasn't using the wheelchair today, right? So I got all cocky and asked if my legs were finally working today. Even if I wasn't in so much pain, I wouldn't want to deal with that shit. So I asked him when his brain would finally start working. He looked like he was gonna have a conniption. But what's he gonna do, fire one of his most experienced people? Okay!

JARED

I would give my whole paycheck to be there next time you pull that. I would, god, I wish that I could say stuff like that to him.

JAMIE

Anyway, I was thinking of taking my lunch soon. You wanna pick up something in town? I could use the company.

JARED

Oh that that sounds great, yeah! You've been to the Royal Cow? They've got some pretty good food but their desserts are the best. Here, let me just wrap up here and um, this is Dr. Jared Hel signing off.

OUTRO

Jar of Rebuke is written and produced by Casper Oliver, who is also the voice of Dr. Jared Hel. Voice of Jamie Everett is Jenny O’Sullivan. The intro is read by Vanessa Rosengrant, and credits are read by Ashley Craft, who has created the podcast official graphics. Music was created by Luke Menniss, spelled m-e-n-n-i-s-s, who you can find and support on Bandcamp, Spotify and Twitch. Find us on social media for updates. You can support us on Patreon or Podhero by following the links in our episode description. And special thanks to our patreon supporters, Tristan, Perry, Devin, Becky, Nico, and Joyce.

#jar of rebuke #jar of rebuke podcast #jor podcast #jar of rebuke transcripts #i will get 8 and 9 done sometime this week!

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miguel-manbemel · 4 years ago

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Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 41: Beware the Paladin Part 1: The Rampage

Today it’s the beginning of a multipart episode where I feature something that is very close to me, not because I have gone through it myself, but because I was witness of a very close family member going through it when I was very young. It is bipolar disorder, a very real illness of the mind that makes the patient go through periodic episodes of euphoria and depression. I have seen first hand the consequences of this illness, but I’ve also seen that a person going through this can have a very normal, happy and productive life if treated, so I wanted to feature that too. It is my biggest wish to make a good depiction of bipolar disorder both for any readers that might be going through it and also in the memory of that family member that is no longer in this world now. This story is in her memory. I hope you enjoy it and see ya next time with part 2.

SYNOPSIS: Roman has gotten worse of his illness. Now he can barely get out of bed and suffers fever and pain. Remus, seeing his brother so devastated, decides to ignore Logan’s warnings and gives him a pill of hope one hour too early. As a result, Roman transforms into an entity called the Paladin and starts wreaking havoc in the Mind Palace, while Thomas starts losing his sanity and Joan, with the help of Talyn and Kenny, has to step in to give a hand, both to Thomas and to his Sides.

WARNINGS: Depiction of a mental illness. Depiction of slight violence. Suicide implied mentions. Romantic prinxiety, logicality and dukeceit.

EPISODE INDEX

[intro sequence]

[Virgil is in the living room, with a face of huge despair. Patton is next to him, trying to comfort him. Chris is sitting down on the couch. They have already removed his plaster, but he’s still going through rehab and can barely walk without crutches. Whining sounds are heard from the upstairs bedroom, its coming from Roman. He’s whining incoherent sounds, as if he was in pain or under a lot of suffering]

VIRGIL: I can’t… I can’t stand this… I can’t stand seeing Roman suffering like this, dad!

PATTON: I know, kiddo, I know… have some patience, it’s only one hour left till the next pill, and then he’ll feel better.

VIRGIL: Yes, but for how long? Four hours? And then he’ll be back to this hell. I wish I could switch places with him, dad.

PATTON: And then it would be Roman who would be suffering for you. You must be strong. Don’t you lose hope too, Virgil.

VIRGIL: I try, but every day is worse than the previous one. I have the feeling that one day he’ll just…

[Virgil gets choked up and covers his face with both hands. Patton holds his arms around him and rests Virgil’s head on his chest, while Virgil starts weakly whining like a child]

CHRIS: [in tears] It hurts me so much to see you like this, dad… I wish Thomas could get better sooner. What is happening to him that can have such devastating effects on us? This isn’t normal.

PATTON: I know, Chris. I can’t even imagine what Thomas must be going through.

CHRIS: How long has it been since he last came around?

PATTON: A couple of months. Since the storm incident, he hasn’t returned to the Mind Palace. I think it’s better this way though.

CHRIS: Why?

PATTON: Imagine that he saw Roman in that condition. That would only make Thomas feel worse, which in turn would make Roman get even worse.

CHRIS: I don’t think he could get much worse at this point, granddad. At least, I don’t think he could resist it.

PATTON: Let’s not lose faith. They say that the darkest point in the day is the moment before dawn. Soon, things will get better, you’ll see.

CHRIS: If only you were right, granddad. I really wish you’re right.

[Remus and Janus appear]

JANUS: Hi, guys.

PATTON: Oh, hi, Janus. Hi, Remus.

[cleaning his tears quickly, then clearing his throat and trying to speak as if he was okay]

VIRGIL: Oh, hi, guys… I… I didn’t know you were coming over…

JANUS: You don’t need to save face, Virgil. We know how much you’re going through and we’re here for you, sharing your suffering. [offers him a yellow handkerchief] Here, you may need it.

VIRGIL: Thank you so much, my friend. It’s okay, I have my own. I wouldn’t want to stain your handkerchief with my makeup.

JANUS: That’s what handkerchiefs are for, aren’t they? Don’t worry.

REMUS: Can I see him? I really need to see my brother.

VIRGIL: I wouldn’t advise it right now. He’s in one of his worst moments. It’s been three hours since the last pill of hope lost effect.

REMUS: I can cope with anything, you know me. Please, Virge. I promise I won’t disturb him and maybe my company could relief him a bit.

VIRGIL: It’s weird. You, asking me for permission to do something, when you usually do whatever you want all the time.

REMUS: And I do. Under normal circumstances I’d already be walking up the stairs without asking. But I don’t want to cause you any more distress than what you’re already going through, so…

VIRGIL: And I thank you for that, Remus… Okay, if you insist, he’s upstairs. Will you please excuse me if I’m not going with you? I don’t want Roman to see me like this.

REMUS: Of course, I know the way.

JANUS: I’ll keep you company while he’s upstairs, okay?

VIRGIL: Thanks, Jan.

[Remus goes upstairs and enters Roman’s room. As soon as he sees him, his mouth gets open wide and his eyes stare at Roman in horror. Roman is in a worse state he could have imagined. He’s lying in bed, shivering from head to toe, with his face white as a ghost except his cheeks, deep red for a more dramatic contrast, he also has deep dark eye bags, his eyes full of tears and his forehead full of sweat]

REMUS: [emotional] Roman… oh, my goodness… what the f… [bleep] is happening to you?

ROMAN: [shivering, trembling voice] Re… Remus? Is… is that you? I can hardly see and your voice sounds so distant… come closer, please…

[Remus sits down next to him and holds his hand]

REMUS: I’m here, Roman…

ROMAN: Please… don’t leave me alone… I’m scared…

REMUS: Never… [a little angry] Why isn’t Virgil here by your side, with you?

ROMAN: Don’t… don’t be harsh on him. I asked him to stay downstairs… It hurts him so much to see me like this… I don’t want him to… to see me like this…

REMUS: I understand…

ROMAN: How… how long it’s left till the next pill of hope?

REMUS: Virgil said one hour.

ROMAN: Still one hour left? [whines] I don’t… I don’t know if I can handle this for so long… My whole body aches, I can feel the fever burning and freezing me at the same time. But the worse is that sometimes I lose contact with reality and have horrible visions about a weird guy dressed like me but with a crimson sash and a devious, crazy face, who tries to take me… I fight him, I struggle with him so that he can’t take me, until I return to reality and he disappears, leaving me exhausted as if the fight had been real�� Logan said this illness would get worse, but I couldn’t imagine it could be this horrible, not even in my worst nightmares… I can’t… I can’t wait for this hour to end to have some relief for these visions. I must… but I can’t…

[Remus looks at the bedside table and notices the bottle of pills is standing there. Then, determined, he takes the bottle and grabs one pill, summoning a glass of water]

REMUS: Then don’t wait, Roman. Take the pill now.

ROMAN: But Logan said that it was dangerous… I can’t… I want it so badly, but I…

REMUS: Oh, come on, it’s less than an hour left already. I don’t think anything bad could happen when it’s so little time left for your next dose. Why not taking it now and saving yourself some minutes of anguish?

[Remus can see the conflict in Roman’s face. He desperately wants to take the pill and end his suffering at least for the time being, but he also remembers Logan’s warning. Eventually he can’t resist the urge to take the pill]

ROMAN: Okay… You’re right, what could possibly happen? It’s less than one hour left, if there’s any backlash, it shouldn’t be as bad as if I had to wait for four hours, right?

REMUS: Exactly. Here, take it with this glass of water.

[Roman puts the pill in his mouth, then fills it with water. He has one last brief moment of doubt that lasts for two seconds… then swallows]

REMUS: That’s right. Now hold on until it makes effect, it shouldn’t take long…

[Roman smiles at Remus. At first it’s a wholesome, weak smile full of gratitude. Then, slowly, color starts returning to his face and the smile gets wider]

ROMAN: I can already feel the effect… the relief… is so good…

[Roman start softly giggling as if he was the happiest being on existence. However, the giggle slowly turns into cackle, at first happy cackle, then he starts laughing with an unsettling high pitch crazy laughter, with his eyes open wide, almost as if they were gonna pop out of the eye sockets. Remus quickly realizes something’s going wrong]

REMUS: Roman? Are you okay?

ROMAN: [high pitch voice] Okay? I’m better than okay! I’m free! [screeches] FREEEEE!

[there’s a crimson flashlight, then Roman is there standing still on the bed with an unsettling grin. He’s wearing his prince outfit, but his sash is crimson]

REMUS: Roman?

PALADIN: I’m not Roman! Roman is no more! I’m the Paladin! Ready to fight for Thomas’ dreams, to make them a reality at all cost! No matter the difficulties! No matter reality itself at all! Now, I’ll get rid of all the obstacles scattered around this Mind Palace! And nothing and no one can stop me!

[suddenly, the Paladin kicks Remus right in the face. Remus falls to the floor, completely unconscious. The bottle of pills falls open and the pills get scattered everywhere. Then the Paladin sinks down with a maniac evil cackle. The others, hearing the bump noise, run upstairs and only find Remus unconscious, with a drop of blood on his nose]

JANUS: Remus! Remus, are you okay?

VIRGIL: What has happened here? Where is Roman!?

[Remus starts slowly regaining consciousness]

REMUS: Roman… the Paladin… Roman…

JANUS: Come back to me, please.

[Remus shakes his head and gets back on his senses]

REMUS: Roman! Where is Roman!?

VIRGIL: That’s what I’ve been asking! What’s happened!?

REMUS: I’m sorry… This is my fault, I’m sorry…

VIRGIL: [tranquil fury] Remus, what did you do?

REMUS: I was seeing Roman in so much suffering, so much distress and pain… that I couldn’t bear it… so I… I gave him a pill.

VIRGIL: [horrified] You… what!?

REMUS: I’m sorry, I…

VIRGIL: [yelling angry] You crazy idiot, what have you done!? Logan warned us that Roman would go crazy if he took the pill too early!

REMUS: It’s more than that… He’s transformed.

VIRGIL: Transformed? Into what?

REMUS: He called himself the Paladin. He transformed in the blink of an eye, then kicked me in the face and I don’t remember anything else.

VIRGIL: Oh, Remus… you really messed everything up this time. And you’ve done this kind of stuff all the time, but this time you’ve overdone yourself!

REMUS: I’m sorry, I just… couldn’t stand seeing Roman like that, I couldn’t…

VIRGIL: Do you think I enjoyed seeing him in that state? Do you think I rejoice in the suffering of others like you do? If I could have given him the pill I would have! But Logan was categorical, it was dangerous to do so! But you always do what you want. It was such a mistake to let you go upstairs and see him without supervision!

JANUS: Okay, calm down, Virge. We’ll have time for that later. Now the important thing is to know where Roman… or this Paladin… has gone to.

LOGAN: I can help you answer that…

[Logan’s voice behind them startles them, but they get even more startled when they see him. Logan is at the door totally bruised, his necktie tore apart, his shirt tattered, his glasses cracked, and there’s a stain of blood on the corner of his mouth and bruises all over his face and arms. He barely stands still for one second before collapsing in front of them]

PATTON: Logan!

[Patton runs to attend him. Logan opens his eyes weakly]

PATTON: Logan, what happened?

LOGAN: Roman… no, the Paladin… came to my room and attacked me. I couldn’t do anything to defend myself against his maniac wrath… Someone gave Roman a pill too much, right?

REMUS: I’m sorry, it was my fault…

LOGAN: That doesn’t matter right now… Listen, because I’ll be knocked out and won’t wake up until the Paladin’s gone. You have to find him… Try to contain him as much as you can… because he’ll be wreaking havoc all over the Mind Palace… and I can’t do anything about it… When the Paladin is on the loose… Logic is literally thrown out of a window and irrationality reigns in the Mind Palace… [starts losing consciousness] … wait for… pills effect… wear off… be careful… guys…

[Logan loses consciousness]

PATTON: [scared and distressed, shaking Logan] Logan? Logan!? Are you okay!? Logan!!?

VIRGIL: [checks him] Relax, dad, he’s only unconscious. Alive, but unconscious. Help me put him on the bed.

[Patton and Virgil grab Logan and place him on the bed]

VIRGIL: We must find Roman before it’s too late. Let’s go.

REMUS: I’ll go with you.

VIRGIL: [angry] No! You’ve caused enough trouble already. Just stay here, and take care of Logan. I hope at least you can do that right, since you weren’t good enough to take care of Roman. At least I’m relaxed knowing that my son is here to help you so that you don’t mess up again.

REMUS: [with a sad face of guilt] As you wish, Virgil.

VIRGIL: Now, let’s go! Hurry up, guys!

[Virgil, Janus and Patton leave the bedroom sinking down. Remus sits down on a chair next to Logan]

REMUS: I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…

[meanwhile in the real world, Thomas phones Joan]

JOAN: Hi dude.

THOMAS: [excited voice, talking quickly] Hi, Joan! I needed to call you! Do you wanna know why? Because you’re my best friend of course! Okay, because of that but also because I’m going to Hollywood right now! I made it, Joan! I made it!

JOAN: What? How? Did you get a callback or something? Congrats, dude!

THOMAS: Of course I got a callback! I got all of the callbacks! And I’m gonna fly now to seize them and be a star!

JOAN: Whoa, whoa, slow down… I can barely follow you!

THOMAS: I know you can’t, because no one can! I’m unfollowable! I’m gonna be the ruler of the world and everyone will bow before me! You too will bow before me, because I’m gonna be a star!

JOAN: Wait… what? Thomas… Did you get boozed or something?

THOMAS: Drink is for the weak! I don’t drink! I never drink! Except if I’m thirsty, then I do. A star can do what he wants and I’m a star in the world of cartoons! I’m gonna be a cartoon too!

JOAN: [confused and concerned] You’re… you’re starting to scare me, Thomas… Are you okay?

THOMAS: Don’t be scared of me! Be scared of the others, they’re everywhere! They don’t want me to be a star! But I’m gonna be a star, no matter what! See ya, Joan! I’m gonna jump to stardom!

[Thomas hangs up. Joan stays there in silence, stunned for a second]

JOAN: Talyn! Talyn, come here!

TALYN: What is it, Joan?

JOAN: Something’s wrong with Thomas! Very wrong. I need to go check on his Mind Palace to see what’s going on. In the meantime, wear a mask and go check on Thomas.

TALYN: What do you mean something’s wrong with Thomas?

JOAN: I still don’t know, it’s like he’s… like he’s lost his mind completely. He was yelling incoherent stuff… I don’t know, it’s hard to explain… [sudden face of horror] Jump to stardom!? Talyn, you must hurry! I think Thomas is gonna jump from somewhere high and he could injure or kill himself! You go to Thomas’ apartment while I try to fix things up from inside his Mind Palace!

TALYN: Okay, be careful in the Mind Palace, Joan.

JOAN: I’ll be careful, I promise. Kenny had a free day today, try to call him for assistance. If he can’t, try Dominic or Dahlia. Who knows if you might need help.

TALYN: [grabbing a mask and rushing to the door] Okay, I’m right on it!

JOAN: Okay… going to Thomas’ Mind Palace, but where should I go? I know, the voice of reason there is Logan. I’ll go to Logan’s room.

[Joan concentrates, then sinks down. They rise up in Logan’s room and find it devastated]

JOAN: What… in the world… has happened here?

IAN: [suddenly yelling] Who’s there!?

JOAN: AAAAAHHHHH! Holy f… [bleep] , you scared me, Ian!

IAN: I scared you? You scared me, Joan! What are you doing here?

JOAN: Thomas is acting weird in the real world, so I came to see if everything was going okay here. I can see it isn’t.

IAN: You’re right, it isn’t. Roman has gone nuts and is wreaking havoc all over the Mind Palace.

JOAN: That explains Thomas’ behavior… Roman, you said? I would have expected Remus to act like that, but Roman? What happened?

IAN: I know this through my brother’s memories. Remus gave Roman one pill too much for his illness, you know, the one caused by Roman’s lack of hope. It caused Roman an overdose that transformed him into someone who calls himself the Paladin. Essentially, it’s like a Mad Hatter version of Roman, anxious to push Thomas to follow his dreams.

JOAN: Well, that doesn’t sound very much different to the regular Roman…

IAN: Yes, but the Paladin will try to do that through delusional means. The first thing he did was attacking Logan and rendering him unconscious after beating the heck out of him. He’s now lying on Roman’s bed in his room, Remus is taking care of him.

JOAN: Holy sh… [bleep]

IAN: With Logan out of the picture, Thomas lacks his capacity for logical thinking and the Paladin is making it impossible for him to distinguish between reality and fantasy. He’s also destroying room after room in the Mind Palace, with that deteriorating his mental health. Who knows what Thomas could do under his influence.

JOAN: I think I get the idea… Please, tell me there’s something we can do.

IAN: Logan tried to say something before he passed out. He mentioned pills, effect, wear off…

JOAN: Perhaps he means that when the pill’s effect wears off, Roman will go back to normal.

IAN: I don’t know. Something tells me it’s not gonna be that easy, but that’s what I thought too. My only doubt is if it will be an hour, which is the time Roman had to wait to take the pill he took too early, or the whole four hours a pill usually lasts.

JOAN: I hope it’s the shorter option… Okay, then we must find the Paladin.

IAN: No, Joan, this place is not safe for you anymore. You should go back to the outer world and try to help Thomas from the outside.

JOAN: But I can’t just leave you.

IAN: We’ll be fine, don’t worry about us. Besides, you’ll be of more help if you prevent Thomas from doing something crazy.

JOAN: Are you sure?

IAN: Yes, I’m sure, don’t worry. Go now and we’ll call you if there’s any news.

JOAN: How will you call me?

IAN: You said that your Sides can hear what’s going on in this Mind Palace, right? We’ll get the message to them, and they’ll deliver it to you.

JOAN: Okay, that’s a good idea.

IAN: Now, go, Joan.

JOAN: Okay, if you insist. Be careful, you guys. I’ll do my best to help Thomas. [sinks down] See ya.

IAN: I know you will, Joan. Thank you for being such a good friend.

[Joan rises up near Thomas’ apartment, in a safe place where no one can see him. Talyn and Kenny are there talking to Thomas who has climbed a tree and is yelling from a high branch]

THOMAS: This will be my step one to victory! The stars are awaiting me and soon I’ll be among them! All I gotta do is jump!

TALYN: Thomas, please, don’t do that!

JOAN: [running towards Kenny and Talyn] What is going on!?

KENNY: Oh, Joan, thank goodness you’re here. Thomas will not listen to anyone. I’ve never ever seen him like this! And he’s threatening to jump!

JOAN: Thomas, listen to me! Calm down!

THOMAS: Oh, Joan, there you are! Look at me! I’m finally on top of the world! And no one can stop me!

[Joan takes a deep breath]

JOAN: Yes. Yes you are, Thomas, and I’m so proud of you.

TALYN: Joan, what are you…?

KENNY: Let them speak, Talyn, he’s known Thomas for the longest time, I bet he’s got an idea of some kind.

THOMAS: Yes! Thank you, Joan, I knew you would be proud of me! When I get my first role, I’ll make sure to mention you and your talent to the producers!

JOAN: Thank you, my dear good friend. I really appreciate it. But have you forgotten? The producers are on quarantine, like all of us. You won’t find them up there in the sky, not even if you jump.

THOMAS: Oh… Are you sure, Joan? I think I heard them talking to me just now.

JOAN: They did talk to you, but to say goodbye, because they were returning back to the ground and into your apartment. They’re waiting there to sign the contract. If you fail to sign the contract, your career will be over before it starts, and you don’t want that, right?

THOMAS: No, I don’t want that, you’re right.

JOAN: They’ve asked me to tell you that you must go down carefully, the same way you climbed that tree and then enter into your house so that they can give you the contract to sign.

THOMAS: I’m confused. Stardom is up there, and…

JOAN: [firm voice] Thomas, you know that producers have a busy schedule. They told me that if you don’t get down carefully in less than two minutes, they’ll go away and never contact you back. If I were you, I would hurry. And remember that if you jump, you’ll never find them, so climb back down carefully

THOMAS: No, Joan, tell them to stay! I’m coming down to meet them, I promise I won’t jump!

[Thomas starts climbing down the tree]

JOAN: That’s right, very good, Thomas.

[Thomas gets to the ground and approaches Joan]

THOMAS: Where are they? I want them to give me the contract.

JOAN: In your apartment, as I told you. Follow me.

[Joan enters the apartment followed by Thomas and the others.]

[A sign reads “To be continued, guys, gals and non binary pals”]

[end card]

[As soon as they all enter the apartment, Joan closes the door behind them and locks it with the key, keeping the key safe in their pocket. Then they all enter the living room]

THOMAS: Where are they, Joan? I can’t see them anywhere.

JOAN: Just wait, Thomas. They’re in the bathroom. You took so long to come inside, that they ended up needing to go. And they’ll probably take a lot of time. I heard that this afternoon they had gone to Taco Bell and ordered the spiciest menu, so imagine how their stomachs are right now. You don’t want them to meet you in a bad mood because they couldn’t use your bathroom, right?

THOMAS: Yes, you’re right. All right, I’ll wait. In the meantime, let’s sit down, shall we?

JOAN: Wonderful idea, Thomas. Wonderful idea. We could play some video games while we’re waiting, right?

THOMAS: But wouldn’t the producers find that unprofessional?

JOAN: No, of course not! Producers also play video games. Some producers even make video games, remember? They could be flattered if you happened to be playing one of their own video games, and that would give you extra points in your career. Right, guys?

TALYN: Right, Joan, you’re right.

THOMAS: All right, let’s play video games then. Anything to get to glory!

KENNY: [low voice to Talyn] Did Joan get a master in psychology and I didn’t know about it?

TALYN: [also low voice] No, it’s just that Joan is really good at improvisation and knows Thomas so well… They’re doing such a great job in keeping him distracted.

KENNY: What has happened to Thomas?

TALYN: I don’t know for sure, but something must have happened to his Sides. Joan has more information about it, they went to Thomas’ Mind Palace to find out before I called you. I hope that whatever is happening inside of Thomas’ Mind, his Sides can find the solution and fast. I don’t know for how long Joan will be able to keep up the act before Thomas spirals out of control again.

[Kenny looks at Thomas with a face of concern, while Thomas innocently plays Kingdom Hearts]

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aire101 · 4 years ago

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Ferrum Chapter 3

Something was wrong with the kid. Other than the fact that they had just gotten locked into a death game, of course. Tony couldn’t put a finger on exactly what, but he didn’t like it.

Knowing who Tor was now, he also knew that this ‘something wrong’ predated Kayaba’s villainous monologue in the town square. He could see it in the way he would sometimes catch Peter staring at him out of the corner of his eye with an expression as if he were chewing on glass, the way he reacted to being called ‘kid’ before their identities were revealed…

Then there was how the kid looked like he had seen a ghost after the reveal. Or worse than that, considering the strangeness in their life and work.

It was obvious that something had happened in the last few years that he couldn’t remember. Something that to Peter made it almost impossible for Tony to be here, stuck in this game with him. But try as he might, he could remember nothing.

He could only hope that whatever it was he had broken this time, there was still a chance to repair it.

It didn’t take long for them to make it to the outer edge of the city. And right inside the Eastern gate they found a small inn with a friendly NPC keeper who informed them that a double room would be 15 Cor for the night. Tony quickly made the exchange and hustled them upstairs to their appointed room.

“Would you like dinner brought up? It would be an additional 5 Cor for the both of you,” asked the keeper as they were shown to their room.

Honestly, Tony hadn’t even considered the concept of food since he woke up in this virtual world. What was the point?

“Yes please,” said Peter, ever polite even to coded entities.

The keeper gave a smile and nod of confirmation before heading back down stairs.

“Is there a point in eating inside a virtual environment?” asked Tony as he closed the door behind them.

“Eating food in the game works like a placebo—it doesn’t actually help your body, but it makes you feel full. Obviously our actual bodies will have to be put on a support system to be maintained, but if we don’t eat in game we’ll just go around being hungry sometimes,” said Peter as he plopped down onto one of the beds.

Shit… Tony hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. And with Peter’s metabolism and mutations he would need care tailored to his physiology…

“Where are you? In the real world?” asked Tony.

“I’m at Ned’s. I’m actually on his Nervegear system. He let me have the first run on the game.”

“I’m assuming at this point he would have heard about the situation. Who do you think he will have called?”

“Probably Aunt May. And if he called Aunt May, her first call would probably be to Happy,” said Peter.

Tony gave a relieved sigh. If Happy was on the short list, he was sure Hap would get Peter squared away with Tony’s medical team ASAP.

“Alright, we’re here. Now out with it, what did I do?” asked Tony

Peter stared at him with wide eyes, “Wha— What do you mean?”

“You’ve been acting weird since we first met up, and now that I know its actually you I’m even more concerned. What did I do? Did I take your suit away again? Did I actually hit on Aunt May? What?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” muttered Peter, not meeting his eyes.

“Kid, you’ve been walking on pins and needles around me. Not all the time, granted. It comes and goes. Which is even more weird, to be honest. So what the hell happened that you periodically can’t bring yourself to look me in the eye and can barely handle hearing me talk?”

“I’m not mad at you or anything… It’s just— it’s hard,” said Peter, looking away again with a pinched expression.

“What’s hard? It’s me kid.”

“I know.”

Tony groaned, running a hand over his face in frustration.

Just then a knock interrupted.

Peter jumped up quickly, obviously eager to avoid the conversation. The same innkeeper from before stood at the door pushing a cart baring two plates of steaming pub fare and two pints of what Tony assumed was supposed to be water.

“Thank you very much,” said Peter, placing the food and drinks on a table against the wall of the room.

“No problem, let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you,” said the innkeeper with a smile before he stepped out, closing the door behind him.

“Don’t think dinner gets you out of this talk. I’m not afraid of grilling you over food,” said Tony, sitting at the small table.

“Yeah, yeah I know…” muttered Peter, taking the other seat.

“So spill, what happened?”

“You know, you’re not the only one that has questions. And considering you don’t seem to remember much of anything, I’d say mine are more important. How do I know you’re really Tony? You don’t remember much of anything about this game, and there’s plenty of stuff I’ve mentioned that you should definitely remember,” said Peter.

Tony swallowed his food down hard, coughing a little when it almost felt like it stuck. “Mmm… most delicious placebo I’ve ever had,” he said, taking a deep drink both to wash it down and to give him precious seconds to put off Peter’s very valid questions and concerns.

“Now who’s procrastinating…”

“Shut it, Underoos, old people need time to organize their thoughts.”

“Oh, so you’re ‘old people’ now? Last time I called you old you informed me in no uncertain terms you were never old, only vintage.”

“I don’t remember that, but since it definitely sounds like my usual load of bull I’ll accept it,” grouched Tony.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. You’ve spent all afternoon saying you can’t remember stuff—”

“That’s because I can’t. I can’t remember things passed a certain point, and that certain point is definitely way before whatever date this is for SAO to be in commercial release,” said Tony, his voice rising slightly with the panic he’d worked so hard to repress for the last several hours.

Peter went quiet, eying Tony’s expression. Finally he asked the obvious question, “What’s the certain point you can’t remember passed?”

Tony pursed his lips in frustration, but eventually answered, “The last thing I remember is the meeting with Kayaba about moving forward with the AI development I was working on for SAO. The problem was that in order to do further development and testing it would require me to deep dive into their systems, and for reasons I’ve discussed with you earlier today I was entirely unwilling to open myself up to that.”

“…but that was in early 2018?”

“Exactly. So you tell me kid, what the hell happened?”

“Ok, but first I want you to tell me something that only Mr. Stark would be able to tell me,” said Peter.

“Other than the fact that I called you Underoos?”

“Someone could have overheard it.”

“Pft, unlikely,” scoffed Tony.

“Unlikely is not impossible, so cough something up.”

“Alright… the day before that meeting with Kayaba we were working on your webshooters and you told me about an incident you had as Spider-man with some asshole who apparently has the ability to harden his whole body completely and how you said to him—”

“OK NEVERMIND I BELIEVE YOU—”

“’How did you get so HARD so suddenly?!’”

“DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO RAISE YOUR VOICE A WHOLE OCTAVE TO QUOTE ME?”

“Yes.”

“Ugh, fine…” said Peter putting his face in his hands to try and hide the bright blush coloring his face.

“Kid, it’s me… what happened? Why can’t I remember… anything?”

Peter sat with his head in his hands, clearly debating how to say what needed to be said. Eventually, without raising his head, he spoke quietly but clearly.

“There was a battle… you won, but you took a lot of damage. You’ve been in a coma ever since.”

Tony blinked. A coma…

That didn’t make sense at all.

“If I’m in a coma, how am I here?” asked Tony, quizzically.

“I heard they were doing tests to try and use full-dive tech on coma patients to see if it was possible to reach them directly through a mental interface. Perhaps there was some wires crossed in whatever system they are using on you and you ended up here? Or perhaps the plan was to use SAO and interact in this world? I honestly can’t tell you. I just know that I haven’t been able to speak to you in a long time and today has been like a dream and a nightmare all at once.”

Tony finally took note of the tears dripping silently from Peter’s hidden face, glittering as they fell on to the table.

“I don’t know what’s going on, Mr. Stark. I just know that I’ve missed you so much, and things have been hard and you weren’t there. And it wasn’t your fault, I know that, but now you’re here and I just don’t know what to say, I can’t—”

Tony was starkly reminded just how young Peter really was, even considering how much time must have passed since his own memories ended. When his own parents had passed he had been twenty-one and had been a complete wreck for months. To have your parents and a guardian dead before fifteen, then… whatever Tony was taken away in every meaningful way only a few years later…

Awkwardly, Tony reached a hand over and rested it on Peter’s head. Slowly Peter’s rambling quieted, though his breaths still caught audibly, clearly still fighting tears.

“I’m sorry, Peter. I didn’t mean to put pressure on you. I don’t expect you to have all my answers. At this point, we’ll probably just have to wait for those until after we get out of this hell hole,” said Tony, eventually pulling his hand back after giving Peter’s hair an affectionate ruffle.

Peter continued to keep his face down for a moment, surreptitiously wiping at his face, as if he could hide the tears Tony had already clearly seen.

“In any case,” said Tony, “How I even got here should probably be the least of our worries at this point. Better to worry about the immediate future. So what do you think the plan should be? I grant you, running down the road at twilight was perhaps not the best idea, but my point still stands— we’re better off getting the jump on this thing and putting some space between us and the angry hoards. What do you think?”

“You’re probably right, I mean you usually are, but—”

“Ok, so I’m assuming we’re going to want to stick together for the foreseeable future, yes?” asked Tony.

“Yes? I mean if you don’t want to I really wouldn’t blame you, but—”

“Then you are definitely going to have to learn to call me on my bullshit, kid. We’re both geniuses as well as hero’s, and we both know that fuckups happen. So whatever hero-worship you have left at this point is going to have to die a hard death right now. I may be brilliant but I never really got into rpgs, and I hardly remember a damn thing about this game, so at this point you are the expert here.”

As he said it, what little color in Peter’s face paled.

“Not to put any pressure on you… or anything,” said Tony lamely.

“Uh… sure, right…”

“Seriously, kid. What was your plan in this game, anyway?”

Peter sighed, and looked up at Tony for the first time since the talk had really begun. His eyes were still red-rimmed and glazed from his bout with tears earlier.

“Honestly? I just wanted to exist somewhere for a little while where I was just like everyone else. Not just pretending to be like everyone else,” admitted Peter, looking mildly ashamed as he admitted it out loud.

“Hey, there’s no shame in that. I used to occasionally put on a photostatic veil to go sit with a coffee down in Central Park.”

“I know, I know but it’s not the same. When you wear a mask, you’re still you, just no one else knows its you. I wear a ‘mask’ every day. But in here there isn’t a mask— I’m just as weak as everyone else. In here, I figured I could finally feel what normal felt like again,” said Peter.

“Kid, even if every one of your super powers was taken away, you still could never be the same normal as everyone else. You are so much more than normal, and that has nothing to do with a spider bite,” said Tony with solemn affection.

Peter swallowed, his eyes filling up once again.

“But anyway, no real plan to speak of I guess,” said Tony, attempting to move on before he managed to make Peter cry again. “So how about this— we wake up early tomorrow morning and head out from here to go to the next town. We’ll take the scenic route, hitting some encounters on the way and going over that beta file a little more thoroughly. Once we get there, we will reassess the situation and decide whether to camp out for a while or keep going. Wash, rinse, repeat… until we figure out where we want to be.”

“About as good a plan as any, I guess,” said Peter with a nod.

“Alright then, now finish eating or I’m going to ground you.”

“Uh huh, sure… ground me from what?”

“I don’t know yet. But I’m sure it’ll be petty.”

“You always are.”

“Shut up and eat your fake broccoli.”

#ferrum #aire101 writes #tony stark #peter parker #irondad #irondad and spiderson #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #iron man #spider-man #sword art online #mcu/sao #crossover #crossover fanfiction #marvel #ai tony stark #post endgame #mostly canon compliant #not ffh compliant

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

Text

Reviews: The Stand: Captain Trips

Halloween Havoc rambles on! I decided to read a Stephen King Classic via it’s comic book adaptation from Marvel Knights 4 and Afterlife with Archie scribe and future Riverdale showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sarcasa. A deadly plauge sweeps across the US that kills in it’s wake while the goverment tries to cover it up. Because that’s not at all terrifingly close to home. But as this pandemic creeps around the US we meet 5 dispearte people with a part to play in what the world becomes after the end: Stu, a hard nosed man who finds himself imprisoned by the government since he was next to patient zero for the outbreak and lived. Frannie, a young woman who finds herself pregnant and dealing with her disaproving mother and the babie’s less than ideal dad. Larry, a would be one hit wonder whose come home to new york to dry out and to let Stephen King go on for several pages about how much he fucking hates new york, because that was important. Nick, a deaf and mute teen drifter who finds himself subbing for a kind sherieff who sadly got the disease. And Lloyd, a dumb criminal who finds himself in jail after a robbery gone bad. And waiting in their dreams and the shadows for his acendency, the walking dude, Randall Flagg, evil itself. Waiting paitently for the soon dawning time of his ascendency. Spoilers and the review itself under the cut.

So yeah i’m back to doing some comics reviews and I.. genuinely missed it. I did. I just needed to reajdust from doing one issue at a time to doing full arcs as well as get it in my head to do one. And while I didn’t INTEND to review these, I ended up liking this series, at least for this mini, so much I couldn’t resist diving into them critically. As for why I decided to read these comics it’s simple: i’ve never read the Stand but always wanted to. No real complex motives: I’ve liked some adaptations of King’s works with It: Chapter One being the reason I finally started watching horror movies after a good decade or two of avoiding them like the plauge, finally breaking down my squeamish cowardly barrier and opening up a greater world. Granted the sequel was a giant balloon parade of disapointment, but I can get to that some other day. Point is I like Stephen King: he seems like a decent enough guy, has had some good adaptations of his works and even the bad ones have some fun. Like this trailer for maximum overdrive where it’ shard to tell if it’s his tragic drug addiction or just him that’s responsibile for that wonderful delivery.

youtube

So yeah, with little options to read the stand and the series out of print, I decided to dive into the comics because they seemed accurate enough from the way reviews had them and frankly before horror films, I really got into horror through comics, with my gateway there being Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa’s afterlife with archie. Many of you may know RAS, as i’m calling him so I don’t horribly mangle his namem, as the guy behind riverdale, sabrina, which is partialy based off his own sabrina comic and kathy keene, but before he became Archie’s golden boy, he was a writer at marvel, hence these mini series, and wrote the wonderful fantastic four series marvel knight’s 4, which I might cover at some point, which followed the four as they lost all their money and had to live like us normal folks. It’s really fucking good stuff and easily one of the best runs on the characters period. Afterlife with Archie is no slouch either so pairing both guys who brought me to the terrordance of horror seemed like a match made in heaven. So that’s where we Stand, pun intended: I haven’t read the stand or watched the mini series, only know or remember some spoilers, and am walking into this blind but eager to see what happens. So if your willing to join me on the ride and on my fresh perspective, here’s Stephen King’s the stand by RAS and Mike Perkins. Now since, at least at this early stage, The stand is divided up by the characters and what their going through as the virus hits, i’m going to cover this character by character, with an additional section on the progress of the pandemic itself and the government response. Before I dig in I will say there is something I really love here: The Pacing. NOw I will grant it’s slow: By the end of this mini we only JUST meet big bad Randall Flag as the pademic and it’s goverment coverup both kick into high gear. So why does it work? Simple: The characters. By opening up as the end of the world is happening instead of shortly before or after like most post apoclayptic stories, and focusing on each of our surivivors we get a real sense of who our heroes were before society collapsed as it collapses, and get to really care about them and WANT to see how they react to the end of the world and what they become. It justifies the series, and the book’s , massive length by using that giant stretch of time to get us invested in the cast and really want to see where this story goes. It’s really good storytelling and holds up really well. So with that out of the way, we can dive into the meat of the story itself. And before we can get to our protaganists, let’s get to the plauge itself

THE OUTBREAK

The story starts with a soldier breaking out of quarantine after getting hit with a miltary virus, infecting his wife and child while trying to go awol and dying.. thus starting the plauge known as Captain Tripps. It crashes into a small town gas station, where we met Stu, one of our heroes, more of him later and starts to slowly grip the nation as the book goes on. The Goverment handles making a plauge that will end up dooming the human race.. by pretending it dosen’t exist, supressing the media, and cordening off whole cities and taking them over. An early attempt by the media to get the story out get the reporters shot horribly, and we get to see all the gore in this version. it’s not plesant but it’s a well done sequence. We get an even worse sequence where the general in charge of the facility captain tripps came from seeing tons of dead bodies in the cafeteria from their sceintests failed attempts at a cure, one of which is horribly bloated, and then shoots himself..... yeah I got nothing. Just.. wow. Good horrible stuff.

So yeah tha’ts basically how it goes: the goverment can’t figure out how to stop it and tries desperatley to cover it up or downplay it instead.. and why yes our own goverment’ sbungled handling of coronavirus, with our own PRESIDENT, in the hospital right now, does make this extra chilling to me thanks for asking! It SOMEHOW gets worse with the final issue as various media outlets rebel against the goverment supression with tv, newspaper and radio all reporting on this despite the risk.. that comes true as the goverment STILL dosen’t learn their lesson and kills them all and we end as the virus only gets worse and the president urges everyone that it’s all fine despite teh mass bodies dumped into the sea and to just take some juice. Just.... just.....

Yes exactly thank you Jon. It’s good stark horrible stuff, I just have no more commentary other than please make it stop. I will say however it’s well done stuff that lets the creeping dread seep in until it really hits fever pitch at the end.

Stu Redman:

As I mentioned, we meet Stu very early on, as he’s on site when patient zero crashes his car into a gas station. Unfortuntely for him this gets him and hsi town swept up to a goverment black site where as seen above, he has no time for the bullshit their feeding him and is in no mood to actually cooperate till they actually talk to them. Which.. yeah it’s entirely resonable: the Goverment is holding him here against his will, refusing to tell him anything and asking to get samples from him. How does he know their not just going to shoot him the second their done with him? He dosen’t and given what we’ve seen this version of the goverment, and hell the real goverment do, yeah. Maybe blind trust needs to be earned rather than demanded. Just saying. Stu gets his answers, that everyone else they brought in and thus his whole town is dead, and they don’t know how to stop the virus.. and that they don’t know where it came from but as the above makes clear, that’s a load of garbage. So Stu relcutantly and grumpliy coperates. He’s basically if Ron Swanson got freaky friday’d into nick millers body.

Stu eventually gets taken to a diffrent facility after the jounalist thing and becomes even more coperative, as they start bringing in an armed guard every time someone visits him.. and Stu starts to get even more wary of this shit as it’s very obvious he’s become expendable, he uses those exact words, and by the end of this mini is plotting his escape. He also has dreams.. of iowa cornfields.. and a sinster man in black floating above them. I like stu a lot: A hard nosed down to earth guy who dosen’t take shit, but is clever enough to know when to bite his tounge and bide his time, easily sussing out both why he’d been moved to a new facility and just how disposable he now is: He’s a man who will fight when needed but knows when to hold back and wait for it. He’s also a nice protaganist ot be our main viewpoint in the goverment sections and is easily my second faviorite. My faviorite is coming shortly.

Frannie Goldsmith:

Frannie is a college student who just ended up pregnant by her boyfriend Jesse. She dosen’t want to marry him despite him offering.. and given his reactions to her telling him this are to whine “but you were supposed to be on the pill”, which she was and gave plenty of reasons why that may not have worked, and then give a loud , what was probably groaning “Aw hell” before proposting.. yeah good call.

Frannie’s dad takes it well as he’s sad, but he understands and loves his daughter and wants to support her. Her mother.. is a selfish nightmare who bearates her for it, berates her husband, who usually backs down as Frannie is used to at this point, for standing up for her and then just for added terrible points physically abuses Frannie, who is PREGNANT, by slapping her hard. I know that can’t hurt the baby but fucking really. Thankfully Frannie’s father decides even if he wont’ divorce the crone to stand up to her at least, and points out she really hasn’t been the same since Frannie’s brother died, igorning her up until the pregnancy and calling her out. She leaves in a huff defeated, and Frannie leaves to go stay at a hotel for a bit while tryign to find somewhere to stay, with her mom not wanting to talk to her and her dad insiting she come around. Given her mother had signs of the virus earlier.. she dosen’t. She dies, Frannie, having come home to help her is devistated and we actually get a devistating if confusing bit as she hugs her dad and talks about eating the pie. Something lost in translation but the visuals cover well enough. And that’s where he story ends, though with a montage in the last issue, which is all we get of htem as the issue is focused on Flagg and the pandemic response instead. Not a bad move mind as it’s easily the best issue of the series, just a note. Frannie is a likeable enough character, a strong woman who knows what she wants, wants to keep her baby and has decent enough family drama.. if well worn at this point but fraknly the book was written all the way back in the late 70′s so this is forgivable as it probably wasn’t AS common as it is now. Frannie has plenty of personality but her plot is one of the less intresting as it’s pretty easy to tell where it’s going in comparison to the other, more intresting plots going on around it. That said you still connect to frannie enough for it to not feel like a drag on the story and to feel important, so it’s not too bad a section.

Larry Underwood: Larry Underwood is a musician whose also a bit o fa scumbag, using people and drugs like theres no tommorow and riding high, in both senses, off the sucess of his single.. a title that sums up the 70′s in a nutshell “Baby Can You Dig Your Man?”. Just.. it sounds like a parody song from SCTV... so in other words good job on making a goofy 70′s pop hit title stephen. Respect.

But yeah a friend of Larry’s seeing he’s hit bottom suggets he had back to new york. Larry bunks with his mom who worries it’s too late for him to change from the scumbag he is now and that only a great catstrophe could do that.

So yeah obviously it’s gonna, but we’ll likely see that as the series goes on. So mostly Larry’s segment is one incident of him having a one night stand that seems a bit overblown.. I mean it is scummy of him but her screaming “your not a good guy and what not as seen above just seems narmy as hell and utterly stephen king in terms of writing.. but the scene of him trying to convince himself she’s wrong after is really strong. Larry’s self doubt, self hate and wondering if he’s that bad is really strong stuff and really godo character stuff showing he is an asshole who uses people including his own mom.. but also genuinely DOSEN’T want to be that person but dosen’t know how. We also get a crushing bit where he calls for his friend who helped him only to find out not only is the guy in the hopstial but it’s getting bad. As the chapter ends larry looses his mom too. The one real weakness of this bit is King goes on a bit of an author tract that’s kept via larry’s narration, which by the way I love how the books narration is kept REALLY damn well via the caption boxes, it’s really nicely done and a way to help keep some of the bits from the book while still taking bits out where necessary. It’s a nice touch. But back on point yeah.. Larry REALLY hates new york.. which to me translates as Stephen King REALLY hating new york, and wanting you to know how much he hates new york, how much the city was festering back then, how much of a crap hole it is, how it farts turds during thunder storms etc. IT’s likely trimme down from the text but boy does it feel unecessary> We get it, 70′s pre clean-up intiative new york was REALLY fucking awful. You didn’t like it there. But if you want to rant about new york for several paragraphs..

Like I get that he’s TRYING to make the point Larry dosen’t like new york and dosen’t fit in at home but instead of trying into his character arc entirely it just feels like an excuse for King to ramble about his hatred of new york. I’ts easily the weakest part of this mini series and I only think it was kept because RAS, as made clear in the question and answer sessions with marvel.com in the back of one of the issues, is a huge king fan and wanted to keep as much as possible. It’s the one time I feel the comic, and the story it’s retelling, really stumbled that bad. Thankfully with that rant over we can get onto my faviorite character

Nick Andros: Nick is easily has both the most unique narriatve and is the most intresting character to me. A mute and deaf teenage drifter, he goes from town to town finding work.. and between towns get beatup by a bunch of local assholes the ringleader of which is your standard Stephen King bully because depending on the kindness of strangers in a stephen king story is just asking for a beating. Though oddly enough that ends up working as Nick finds himself in a jail cell with the local Sheirff and after getting a pad and paper, not only verifies he was working with someone in town, and who he is , but also who beat him down. And oddly for a king story since while he DOES have a heroic sheirff i’ve heard of, most of his law enformcent seem to be corrupt hicks at best, this one.. is a nice guy who makes sure the assholes that assaulted nick are brought in despite the ringleader being his wife’s nephew and knowing he’ll get no sex for a while because of it.. the narrative points this out because we needed to knwo that apparently.

But said wife happily takes Nick in along with the Shierff while the sheirff takes 3/4 of the assholes in, with said nephew booking it out of town. But soon our kindly sheiff takes ill from the virus and Nick gladly fills in for him as his new deputy to make sure the idiots at the jail don’t starve. He continues this throught the book even as he looses his new family tragically due to the virus.. and soon his prisoners catch it too and clearly aren’t long for the world. Nick is a THROUGHly likeable character. Just from body laungage it’s clear there’s a bit of an edge and a bit of harshness to him.. but he’s mostly just a good kid who goes out of his way to make sure three assholes who tried beating him to death get fed and watered, and wants to do the right thing despite the world crappign on him constnatly. He’s throughly intresting and his disablity is nicely portrayed, with him being portrayed as a normal guy who simplyg ot dealt a really crappy hand and does his best with it. Easily the best part of this mini, closely followed by the last issue but we’ll get to that in a second. We have one more character to get through.

Lloyd Henried This bit will go fast since he’s only in two sections this mini but Lloyd is a dimwitted crminal who clearly gets a thrill from the crime sprees and murders he and his pal have done but also dosen’t murder inscreimatley. Unfortunatley his partner in crime does and Lloyd gets arrested after his first scene and hsi friend gets his face gunned off. Lloyd is last scene with his lawyer teaching him to lie. He’s basically just a dumb criminal at this point who likes thrills. Not a lot to dig into comapred to the other characters soooooo let’s move on to our final focus character and the focus of the final issue only, but hitned at before...

Randall Flagg The breakout character of the piece, one of king’s most loved and most used villians. The Walking Dude. The Devil HImself. I had high expecations of this character with all that hype and he did NOT disapoint.

Flagg is a mysterious supernatural drifter who dosen’t even know how long he’s existed but is evil itself. He makes anyone he passes feel nervous, glass crack and everyone uneasy, yet when needed can slip in and out of any extremist or hate group easily and hands out pamphliets for whatever will get people riled up the most, good cause or bad. and easily worms his way in and out of heavily armed groups and into women’s beds. My words do not do kings words put onto the final issue justice. They jsut impart he is evil, he is here, and he is about to RISE. And you’d better be prepared to run. After a few issues of only appearing in one dream.. we meet our antagonist and he is a lot. Throughly engaging, throughly creepy and throughly unesettling we get a full sense of who flagg is a drifter who SEEMS resonable enough when talking but just.. gets under your skin, yhou just feel.. WRONG around him. This one sequence REALLY got me excited to see what this bastard does. Not a lot elsse to say throughly engaging creepy impressive villian who lived up to the hype and star of one of the best single issues i’ve read. No notes.

So yeah overall.. I really love this story so far. Obviously I have a LONNNG way to go and 5 more mini series to go so I hope you’ll join me but the art is good, the decisions fantastic and the writing adapted well, clearly compressed but in a way that works. A fantastic way to read the story for a newcomer such as myself and if you can find it somehwer,e read it. Ill continue with it as hte month, or months probably, go on. Until then check back on my blog for regular ducktales coverage and some more halloween fun, hit up my asks if you have some comics you’d like to see me cover, and until next time, happy halloween.

#halloween #halloween havoc #the stand #stephen king #randall flagg #horror #marvel comics #roberto aguirre-sacasa #mike perkins #stu redman #nick andros #frannie goldsmith #larry underwood #comic books

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