#why shouldn't i love him !! he is my oldest friend and I have seen him inn every single state

[totheidiot]

i am actually so in love with him, it's embarrassing.

[angelicsoka]

SARA, l. hughes

word count | 1.3k

pairings | luke hughes x fem!reader, platonic!quinn hughes x reader, platonic!jack hughes x reader

summary | luke’s girlfriend has suffered in silence for too long, and luke noticed the warning signs too late

warnings | HEAVY themes of suicide and suicidal ideation, mentions of self-harm and depression, underage drinking and smoking, mentions of blood. ANGST ANGST ANGST, open ending, this is not a happy fic, luke is fucking oblivious. based on the song sara by we three. no use of "y/n". lowercase intended

a/n | this is my first time posting in here so i'm still figuring out how this all works lol. this is NOT proofread. also this is probably the darkest thing i have ever really written.

little sara, you're a diamond in the rough

and i know that you don't hear this all enough

and i'm sure that's why your wrists have tons of cuts

and i'm sure that's why you think you're not enough

fingers traced over the faded scars and onto the raised ones, the urge more than she can handle. but she deserved this. she deserved to feel so shitty, she was shitty. she ruined everything good she had, her relationships and job. a repeated process, be happy for a while and then fuck everything up. “who would care if she fucked one more thing?” was the thought that ran through her head, crimson covering the sink.

your mind can only think about the things it shouldn't

your brain is filled with thoughts of wishing that ya didn't

little sara, perk your ears up, try to listen

but she can't hear a sound because she's locked in a prison

the room was loud, but the noise sounded so far away as she dazed off. she was brought back to reality by luke swinging his arm over her shoulder, pulling her close. the sudden movement made her quietly hiss as her arm brushed against him, the fresh wounds in the back of her mind. she forced a smile on her face, looking to luke who gently kissed her forehead. he offered her a beer, to which she took, ignoring the concerned look on quinn’s face. she had been drinking all night  but luke didn't have to know that. it slowed the thoughts, so how could it be a bad thing?

luke began to chat with his brothers and their friends, oblivious to the smile that had dropped from her face. oblivious to the fact that she was practically chugging the beer in hopes to stop the horrible thoughts that had begun to invade her brain once more.

and she was oblivious to the concerned looks of her boyfriend and friends as she abruptly got up, walking outside. she sat down, pulling the cigarette from its box, lighting it. she took a drag, jumping when a voice spoke up:

“you’re killing yourself, you know that?” she whipped her head around to see quinn standing there with his hands in his pockets. “does luke know you smoke?”

“why do you care?” she snapped, turning to look back at the yard. it was quiet, crickets chirping being the only thing making noise. she ignored quinn as he sat beside her, taking another drag. she held back her tears, not wanting to break down in front of her boyfriend’s oldest brother.

“he loves you, you know? the way he looks at you says it all. you're good for him. i don’t think i've seen him this happy in a long time.” she forced a small smile at quinn’s attempt to comfort her. he was lying, he had to be, because who could love a fuck up like her?

all your friends they wanna smoke 'cause it's a friday

but you've been smoking straight probably since last sunday

i know you know you shouldn't say that you are okay

but you still look 'em in the eye and lie then go to use your ashtray

she was high, but when was she not? the boys passed around the blunt, each taking drags from it. they were joking around, jack and trevor wrestling beside her. luke held her close, his fingers gently running down her arm. she ignored the burning sensation that occurred when luke’s fingers accidentally brushed over her wound, a smile plastered on her face. luke seemed to be the only who didn’t notice that the smile didn’t meet her eyes. she huffed out a laugh at a joke made by cole, settling her head against luke’s shoulder. for a moment, she felt happy; carefree. 

that all ended when that singular thought crossed her mind: they hate you. such a simple thought, but she felt as though she had been sucker punched. she subtly shifted off of luke, who seemingly didn’t notice. she twiddled with her thumbs, ignoring the feeling of someone looking at her. she felt jack nudge her, handing her the blunt. she accepted it, unable to really meet his eyes. “you okay?” quinn mouthed to her when she met his eyes. 

“yeah.” she lied through her teeth, averting her eyes and grabbing the ashtray.

little sara, last night, you got it bad

in that moment, you could barely even

add up two or three reasons why you're glad

and i guess that's why you grabbed your pen and pad

it was 6:14, and you could barely even read

all the words you'd written down when it was time for you to leave

your phone was on the ground and you could barely hear it ring

couldn't even hear a sound, couldn't feel a single thing

nights were the worst. being alone in her thoughts led to serious consequences, this night no different. she did what she was suppose to, all the coping skills she had learned. still, she couldn’t come up with any reason to stick around, which is why she now sat at her desk, scribbling rapidly. she couldn’t hardly read the words on the paper, tears cascading down her rosy cheeks as she practically destroyed her desk in search of the blade. the distance sound of her phone ringing stopped her for a moment, the contact name and picture for luke clear on her phone. she pushed the second-guessing thoughts aside, muting the call.

luke swore when she once again did not pick up, the text that started this now open: i love you, lukey. i hope you can forgive me. he swore to himself, angry that he had missed the signs. as he thought about it, the signs were so clear, how could he have not noticed? he begged for jack to drive faster, dialing her number once more. luke wiped his tears as jack sped up, praying for her to be okay. he hoped he would make it in time, to be there when she needed him most.

now it's 6:15, and you're on your knees

blood is on your sleeves, and your lungs won't breathe

eyes are watering, body's shivering

and you're wondering what is happening

now it's 6:23, and they're on their knees

begging "jesus please, can you make her breathe?"

'cause they finally see what was happening

underneath their nose and underneath your sleeves 

she sat against her bed, sobs racking through her body. her chest was tight, her breaths short as she began to lose consciousness. she began to shiver uncontrollably, curling into herself to create any kind of warmth. she looked up when the door was kicked in, her vision blurring. her eyes fluttered close as luke ran to her side, her life slowly leaving her body. 

“get something to stop the bleeding!” luke yelled to jack who was frozen under the doorframe. he snapped out of it, grabbing the blanket that was balled up on her bed. he began to put pressure on her wounds as luke pleaded with her to wake up. they continued this until the paramedics arrived, luke hesitant to leave her side. for the first time in a long time, luke cried into his brother’s shoulder. and he swore to himself that he would never miss the signs again.

she can barely see the pavement

she can barely read the signs

people think she's complicated

but never wanna look inside

'cause she's a little too r-rated

and they're a little too damn blind

she's just looking for her angels

but they're a little hard to find

[alexxncl]

‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 40 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | all lessons | season 2 | season 3 | lesson 39 | lesson 41.1 | lesson 41.2

the end of an era (season 2)

normal and hard spoilers

oh baby :(

see every time i remember how sheltered diavolo is it makes me hate his father that much more. he grew up with everything in the world, but practically nobody to share it with.

diavolo had to have been smart enough to have caught onto the reason behind mephisto's attachment to him at an early age. he might be dense, but he's not stupid. even if he and mephisto did end up becoming really good friends, diavolo knew early on that their proximity was for business and royalty purposes only, and that friendship and a genuine relationship was second to their professional relationship

i feel like this is why he initially thought of the brothers as treasures in regard to status rather than as people, and the mindset shifted to seeing them as treasures in regards to the relationship he formed with them. he wanted genuine connection, but forming a professional connection before a genuine relationship was so deeply ingrained in him that he defaulted to it without even realizing it

...he can't be fucking serious

GET HIM OUT I BEG

he would've done this regardless of the option we picked during the angel's trial i hate it here...can't he take a class or smth instead of experimenting on us

i'm gonna kill him /j

i'm a whore in the game so i technically date everyone at once. but why does he NEVER say i love you back ????? not even in the first game ????????

like ok you're a time demon who shouldn't get attached to anyone and you choose to stay unattached bc you'll lose everyone anyways blah blah blah but at least indulge me a little bit 💔

SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY I LOVE THEM

i feel like they know this is their last goodbye yk? obviously barbatos does, but this feels very, very final on their part. maybe it's a different version the feeling they have when they go into mc's room, like they can feel mc being pulled away from them physically

what if the end of the lesson or the story in the hard part of the lesson is them portalling back to their timeline and the brothers getting a glimpse of their alternate selves? and then everything clicking into place after mc leaves?

the fact that simeon has as many doubts about his father's intentions as lucifer and his brothers did really solidifies my belief that he wanted to, in the worst case, fall with the brothers. and if he didn't fall, he'd at least have begged for answers as much as lucifer did before the war. he was demoted after the war for helping the brothers in canon, and i feel like he still beats himself up about it because of the side he chose. him and raphael both, but raphael is better at hiding it

(i have a whole post about simeon and michael before the war here)

i've said this about a million times but...

the brothers ever 🫶🏽

they're such shitheads but also extremely concerned i love their dynamic sm

SEE I TOLD YOU ‼️ HE MASKS HIS FEAR WITH ANGER (even though i'm pretty sure this was confirmed in canon in the og game and in nb s1)

him admitting that he was scared though? putting his pride aside and actually talking about his feelings for once? this is proof of how much he trusts mc, how much he loves and cares for them, even if he can't explain why the feelings he holds for them are so strong

it also shows that he's thankful to have someone who will care about and protect his brothers as much as he does, and some of the weight of the "oldest brother" mantle has been lifted. it allows him to be vulnerable and at least a little more carefree, which is why he's seen joking and laughing with his brothers so much more often in the later lessons in comparison to season 1 and early season 2

i feel like i'm SUPOOSED to reach bc why would he phrase it like that ??? i don't think he knows...but he's really intuitive

or maybe this was a way of the devs using him to unofficially-officially send us off and into our original timeline. idk. i'm reaching but they made me

THEY DID NOT

oh i'm really gonna cry...they took what we wrote in season 1 and showed it to the boys

i COMPLETELY forgot we even did this 😭 god i'm gonna cry i love this game sm

I KNEW NO TIME PASSED THANK GODDDDDD

i don't think i'd be able to handle it if the same amount of time passed across realms

i also think this is why they emphasized "time soup" so heavily, you can be put anywhere at any time as if nothing had changed

...i can't believe it's over

...for now at least

well time to read the HDD story and catch up on devilgram

[gortash-did-nothing-wrong]

Random Enver Musings 2

Warning: Discussion of overworking children in their studies.

Enver waited a bit later to let his daughter be introduced to society than most noblemen did. Most rushed their daughters forward, having them come to court at fourteen. Enver waited until his oldest daughter was sixteen to let her come. Personally he would have waited another year, but his darling daughter, Ember, was getting quite sick of waiting.

She was much like her mother, beautiful and graceful. And much like him, cunning and intelligent. Within a week of accompanying him to court, she had several friends, and to his utter horror, admirers. Enver nearly struck a boy over the head with his cane when the lad gifted his daughter a shoddily made bracelet that the lad insisted he had made himself. Judging by the harsh hammer marks upon the simple metal band, Enver believed it.

Ember had been very polite to the boy in public, but the second she and Enver were alone she took the bracelet off and giggled, pointing out every flaw in its making. "Daddy, you could do better than this in your sleep!"

Enver huffed, "And I will. I'll craft something lovely for you to wear to the ball next month. Perhaps a set."

His wife teased him that night. "You definitely raised a daddy's girl."

Enver, "Good. She needs to know men can't just do the bare minimum and get applause. With any luck it'll take her until she's in her thirties to find a man half as capable as me."

Enver finished pouring his wife her tea, sprinkling in the dried mint leaves she enjoyed. "Now come, have your evening tea. It's getting cold."

When their oldest son came to court, Enver found he had to supervise him much more. If he didn't, his son would show up in his work clothes from Damon's blacksmith shop, stained in soot, his fingers nearly pitch black. How many times he yanked his son into a water closet, scrubbing away at his fingernails.

"You're sixteen, I shouldn't have to tell you to be clean when you arrive at court!" Enver hissed, scrubbing soap on his son's face to rid him of the smoke stains.

"I worked a long shift, okay?!" His son, Jahson, snapped. "Don't nag me about my clothes!"

"You're lucky you're too old to spank." Enver grumbled, wiping the soap and muck away with a rag.

"You didn't ever spank us?"

"I'm thinking maybe I should start." Enver snapped, though they both knew it was all hot air. "Now go downstairs, get in the carriage, and have our driver take you home. Send him back for me and your sister in about two hours."

Jahson, "Why can't I stay for the rest of court today?"

Enver, "Because look at your clothes! You aren't fit to be seen! Wait until your mother hears about this!"

His wife packed Jahson a change of clothes in his lunch bag from them on, making sure he always had a set of proper clothing to change into after his apprenticeship hours at Damon's Blacksmith Shop.

"I swear, the boy is more skill than sense." Enver grumbled.

His wife chuckled, sipping on her nightly glass of wine as they sat in bed. "He's a boy. I know you were different as a teenager, but teenage boys have this remarkable ability. They can take their brains out of their skulls, put it in a drawer somewhere, and leave it there for weeks at a time."

Enver huffed, "Have I been too easy on him?"

His wife set her wineglass down. "You made him have seven hours of tutoring every week day and six hours of his blacksmith apprenticeship every weekend. The boy has one day a week he isn't learning something, and you usually drag him down into your workshop to help you smelt something. I'd say him forgetting simple things like a change of clothing is a result of you making him do too much. Ease up on our boy, hm? Ease up a little on all of them, actually."

Enver turned over, taking her face in his hands. "The world will not get softer for them. I am their father, not their friend. I need to ensure they survive, even if they hate me for it. Please tell me you understand that?"

"I do." She said softly. "But please tell me you understand the dangers of overworking a child?"

Enver was quiet for a moment or two, looking into his wife's eyes. "Why don't all of us go to our vacation home next week? We can give their tutors and nursemaids the week off, just have our little family together?"

His wife's eyes glistened. "That sounds lovely. I'll have the servants pack lots of goodies and picnic foods. We can sit outside at night and watch the stars."

Enver kissed her gently, "And I can leave some of my employees in charge here for a week. It'll do well for them to learn self sufficiency."

They fell asleep talking about their vacation, whispering about activities and meals they'd plan.

[localplaguenurse]

Yk that one tiktok trend where we meet the younger versions of ourselves and we say a few things

What would wifey say if they ever saw their younger self because of a leyline disruption or something.

Me @ the prompt and also the art

Man you got me when I'm trying to put my writing powers to something else and I'm torn between if I want to fully write this out or keep it short and sweet

I'm kinda going off of what I can find on both the genshin wiki and actual articles about ley lines for this but unless I'm reading it wrong, my understanding is they recreate/repeat memories, and I can't find anything really about how interactable these memories are so 1. fuck it, we ball, and 2. if literally anyone knowledgeable about ley lines sees this and I get something wrong, help me

It's a familiar sight at the monastery. The fan shaped leaves, still green, gently rustle as the wind flows through them. Small wildflowers pop up in the grass, adding more colour to the greenery.

Crumpled to their knees, sobbing into bandaged hands, sits a young bride. Their dress is striking silk red, tailored to fit them alone yet it has never felt right on their body. The fear, the anger, and the utter grief over losing all they have ever had radiates off of them like heat from a flame. They were a caretaker once, but after today, they are property, a sacrificial virgin offered up to a god for the protection of their loved ones. Their loved ones who so graciously tossed them at the feet of this god the first chance they saw.

The memory is painful enough as is, but to actually see your younger self in front of you is surreal, and the sight causes a deep visceral dread in your body.

When your youngest son had come to you, pale as a sheet, saying this nonsense about how he saw you crying in the orchard, you almost wanted to laugh. That's impossible, you've been in the courtyard all day catching up with some old friends. Still, that disturbed demeanor, that level of fear and worry in his eyes, is not an expression that can be made up on a whim. No one makes that sort of face unless they have genuinely seen something bad. Regardless of what he truly saw, your son saw something upsetting, and it is your job as his mother to help him.

You sent him away to go eat lunch with the rest of his siblings, promising you will fix it by the time they are done. You walked through the monastery until you had reached the orchard. You walked beneath the towering ginkgo trees, looking around for any sort of intruder. There shouldn't be any monsters about, so what did he see?

Near the very edge of the orchard, you spy the colour red. Your heart rate stutters, but you try to steady yourself as you cautiously approach. With each step, you can hear the faintest of sobbing, and the exact voice, each hiccup and sniffle and cry, it all becomes so familiar. Your mouth fills with saliva, your stomach twists, and your chest feels tighter.

And here you are.

Or is it there you are?

It has been... goodness, almost thirty years since you've been in that exact dress. You have hardly aged since your bond with Morax was put in place, with the only passing of time on your body being the growth of your hair, the fading of scars, and stretchmarks and bit of leftover weight gained from past pregnancies. Still, this young woman is so, so young. They've hardly even begun adulthood, only just having shed their teenage years. Their sobbing is childish, quite literally immature, for they are still practically a child.

The memory of you makes your heart ache for so many reasons. That day was a very upsetting day, and you don't understand what you're doing here. Why are you seeing this memory, this ghost of your past life, despite the fact you are still alive and breathing? Not to mention that this version of you is only a couple years younger than your oldest daughter, and with how your youngest three children all resemble you, it really does feel like you're watching one of your children crying on their wedding day.

What mother wouldn't console their daughter when they're this upset?

You carefully approach, and you sit on the ground next to them. They are still crying when you do. With unease on your mind, you lift a hand up and touch their back. There's warmth in their body, and you can feel silk on your fingertips.

They stop crying when you put your arms around them. You pull them close, cradling their head against your shoulder. You hold them like that, waiting to see if something will happen, like the figure disappearing from your hold, or reality suddenly breaking.

"... You're going to be okay," you whisper, "we're going to be okay."

They're shaking a little as they try to hold in their - your - sobs.

"You have every right to be as angry and as scared as you are," you tell yourself, "it wasn't fair. He's truly wonderful, and loves you so much, but it wasn't fair to you." You run your fingers through your younger self's hair. "He will make it up to you, and you do not have to forgive her for giving you away. I still haven't, and I don't think I will, but what matters most right now is that you will be okay."

"... Thank you."

You let yourself go, and you're gone. You feel tears in your eyes, and you quickly wipe them away. It's... odd. You feel like there's a weight off of your shoulders, despite the fact that this experience should rattle you to your core.

You do not know if they understand who you are. You do not know if what you did will have any affect on them, if they'll remember it or if they'll have been completely reset if you ever see them again. You think you would do it again, though. You think you would tell them all of that over and over again, say the words you wished you had heard that dreadful day.

You take a deep breath, stand up, and head back to the monastery.

[https-hunter]

tell me your bobs burgers origin story, please

omg okay so some hunter lore

I'm the youngest of four, the only daughter, too. My oldest brother is ten years older than me (this is important). Growing up, oldest brother would put on a lot of adult animated shows (seth macfarlane shows, archer, south park, other shows I probably shouldn't have been exposed to). He also got me into friends when I was twelve.

One day in the mid-2010s, he had TBS on. I want to say it was like 2016-2017, so I was about 13. I had seen him watch bob's burgers before. I remembered Louise as the girl that sounded like Mabel Pines. I don't know why, but I actually watched this episode. It was "Tina and the Real Ghost", you know, the one where Tina dates a shoe box she thinks is a ghost named Jeff. I thought it was great.

I don't know when, exactly, but a flip switched and I wanted to watch more. This was when the first five seasons were on Netflix, so I binged the crap out of it. I was in love with it in eighth grade, but I stopped watching once it was taken off of Netflix because my parents didn't have Hulu. I'd watch it if it was on TV, but I didn't really watch it like I used to.

Cue Disney+'s release.

We had the shitty Hulu with the ads, so my oldest brother let us use his (which we still use to this day). Some time around late 2019/2020, I decided to pick bob's burgers back up again. It's been a constant favorite/fixation of mine ever since

[fezwearingjellybananas]

❝ ... i guess i'm just scared of losing you. ❞ + Barry & Nora West-Allen?

Nora had never seen her dad so angry. He had never been the sort of person who got angry, not with them, but she'd said about time travel and he'd just-

He'd time travelled. She knew that. She'd grown up hearing stories about superheroes and time travel and aliens and magic. Uncle Jax used to live on a time machine.

But she'd done one little bit of time travel and her dad had been furious. She hadn't even meant to do it.

He'd been acting weird ever since she told him her name. And when Nora had told him that, he'd stopped yelling, and he hadn't tried to follow her when she'd stormed off to her room.

Well, if he didn't want her now, she'd go be Uncle Wally's sidekick instead.

A knock came from the door she'd slammed shut.

"Nora?" Dad asked softly. "Can I come in?"

Nora huffed and ignored him. He'd only yell at her again.

She heard him sit down. That didn't matter, she'd just run out the window, he knew that.

"I messed up," he said. "And I'm very sorry. I'd like to talk to you about something, when you're ready."

She scowled at the door. He sounded sorry, but why should she believe him.

Uncle Wally would probably call him if Nora showed up anyway.

She opened the door with a scowl and looked down at him. He looked like he'd been crying.

"Go away," she said.

"Sweetheart-"

"You don't want me any more. I don't care, I don't want you either."

"Sweetheart, no," he said. "That's not-"

"You want me to go back to being-"

"No," he said firmly, suddenly on his feet and hugging her tight. "My beautiful girl, I want you to be exactly who you are, and I love you so much. I'm so sorry I made you feel like I didn't. I shouldn't have yelled, Nora, I'm so sorry. I..."

He trailed off and Nora stepped away from him.

"I'm going to go stay with Uncle Wally," she said.

"Okay," he sighed. "Okay. You're fifteen. I should have-" He covered his face with his hands for a moment and took a breath. "Nora, do you remember when you came home asking about a man I fought called Cicada and I said I would tell you when you were older?"

"I thought he was dead," Nora said. "Did you kill him?"

"No," her dad said. "No, we'll talk about that another day-"

"You killed people?" Nora almost yelled.

"Not- I didn't ever plan on- Nora, I still feel very guilty and they happened a long time ago," he said. "No, Cicada, he- He wanted to kill other metahumans. He almost succeeded in killing Uncle Cisco. He- I'll tell you the whole story when your mother gets home but I didn't fight Cicada alone. I had help."

"From Team Flash."

"From my daughter from the future."

"Me?" Nora asked.

"Not exactly," he said. "She was from the timeline where I died in the Crisis."

"But that was before I was born."

"When I first saw the newspaper it was meant to be April 2024. It changed when she time travelled. She didn't mean to. She came back because she wanted to save me and a man promised he could help her do that. Only the man she trusted was Eobard Thawne and he tricked her and time changed too much. Your mother and I- She faded away in our arms. And then we were told the Crisis had moved and we thought all we ever going to be able to do was lose a child we'd never had the chance to have a life with."

He wiped a tear from his eye.

"Should I pick another name?" Nora asked quietly. "One that isn't hers?"

"It's your name," he said. "You get to choose it, and I know my mother would have loved you, and choosing her name means so much, I promise. And you know about Oliver and the other Barry. You know my friends saved me, that they gave me this chance to have a life, to have you. And, a couple of years later, I met my two children from the future and the oldest was a daughter named Nora."

"Did you know the whole time?" she asked.

"No," he said. "I just thought I'd lost you again, Nora, but here you are, right in front of me."

He held out his hands and Nora looked at them.

"My beautiful girl," he said. "From the moment I first held you, I have been so unbelievably happy to be your dad, and I would not trade a single moment of it for anything. Even if you turn out to be someone else entirely, if everything changes, I will always love you for who you are, not because of the versions of maybe you I met a long time ago. I love you, Nora. I just... You told us your name and then you said you time travelled and I got scared I might lose you again. I can't do that. I know shouting at you was wrong and if you're still angry with me and you still want to go to Wally, I understand, but I am so, so sorry, sweetheart, and I promise I have always wanted you and I always will."

Nora threw her arms around him and he held her close.

"I love you so much," he said.

"I won't time travel again," Nora said.

"I'm not going to make you promise that," he said. "The first time I time travelled it was an accident. I'm going to show you how to control it, to somewhen I know we can do it safely, and then it's up to you. But maybe wait until you're a little older before you go running through time?"

"I'll try, Dad," she said. "We can really go time travelling? Now?"

"After your mother gets home and we've told her everything and you everything about Cicada," he said. "I love you, Nora."

"I love you too, Dad."

[Prompts]

[generouspersonamano]

As Christians, we shouldn't be surprised when the world mocks Jesus or us. The world hated Jesus because He convicted people of their sin, the world will hate us for the same reason.

Jesus said in John 15:18-25:

"If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first. If you were of the world, it would love you as its own. Instead, the world hates you, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world.

Remember the word that I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will persecute you as well; if they kept My word, they will keep yours as well. But they will treat you like this because of My name, since they do not know the One who sent Me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin.Whoever hates Me hates My Father as well. If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin; but now they have seen and hated both Me and My Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: ‘They hated Me without reason.’"

One of the oldest depictions of Jesus is a piece of Roman graffiti. It shows Jesus, crucified with a donkey head and captioned, "Alexamenos worships his god." To quote Martin Luther, "They gave our Master a crown of thorns, why do we hope for a crown of roses?" The world hated Jesus because He convicted people of their sin, the world will hate us for the same reason.

So, concerning the foolishness of the Paris Olympic opening - do you not think God sees it? He knew of it before it even was created. Why rant and rage about it? Yes, there is the concern about children being exposed to male genitalia, and that is reprehensible regardless of religious belief but for us as Christians, we should really be praying for these deceived, lost souls.

We are in a spiritual war. And Christians are not to respond to evil with anger and outrage, but rather, as Jesus said in

Matthew 18:21–35:

"Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but enjoy the company of the lowly. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Carefully consider what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone.

Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: 'Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.'

On the contrary,

'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink.

For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.'

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

~~~~~~~~

Was I offended by what I saw? Yes. My first response was disgust and anger but then I remembered Jesus enduring vileness before and during His crucifixion but His response was silent suffering and expressing forgiveness. And that depiction in Paris did not draw blood from me or harm me as Jesus was, so why respond with anger?

Be at peace, my friends. God bless. WW

If the world hates you, know it has hated Christ before you. If we are in Him, we will be hated. Even if we speak the truth with all grace and peace, folks will come at us with knives and pitchforks.

But it does us no good by responding the same. Overcome evil with good.

[m-jelly]

If it’s not to much trouble can you write a Levi x elf reader where it’s like an aftermath of a forbidden romance and they are in hiding with a few kids and there oldest is a teenage girl who is rebelling against them and tries to convince Levi to let her go to public school.

Of course, I will make it a bit angsty but with love and fluff.

@kenkopanda-art <3

For love

Pairing: Levi x Elf!Reader

Genre: Alternative AU, fluff, romance, married life, couple, five kids, mention of past hurt/abuse but reader is now safe, scars, rebellious teen, coming to an understanding, happy ending.

Concept: Kuchel, Levi's eldest is becoming a teenager and she wants to go to public school. Levi won't let her go and she pushes Levi to tell her. She asks you and you support Levi that her going to school is dangerous. Your daughter snaps at you and runs off. Levi confronts her and confesses why she can't, why you live the life you do and why insulting your wounds is bad. Kuchel apologises to you and Levi. You and Levi organise for Erwin, Hange and Mike to come and tutor your daughter.

Warnings: Levi explains to his daughter the abuse that happened to you for loving Levi and rejecting the elf ways. You lost the tips of your ears and you have a limp, but Levi doesn't go into detail about what happened simply that you got hurt because you chose him.

"Dad? I wanna go to school. I don't want to be home schooled by you and mum anymore."

Levi shook his head as he finished putting a nappy on his baby. "No."

Kuchel huffed. "Please? I researched the area and I know the best school for me."

He put his baby girl in her outfit. "No."

Kuchel pouted. "I'll go two days a week! They'll let me."

Levi picked up his baby girl and held her against his chest. He flicked his gaze to his eldest, who looked so like his mother except his daughter had elf ears. "You went to the school?"

"I was asking them about what their program was. They understood and said they could ease me in." She held up a paper. "I even did the entry exam and I got the highest score they've ever had!"

Levi stared at the score. "I'm proud of you for doing so well, but you're still not going."

"But dad!"

He walked out of the house to you in the front garden with your three other children. He turned to Kuchel. "I'm mad that you would go there and do the test. We've talked about this Kuchel, you are not going."

She huffed. "I need to make friends!"

He sighed and stopped in his path as his baby girl pulled at his shirt. "Kuchel, you make plenty by going into town with me and running our shop."

"I want to be like every other teen."

His shoulders slumped. "I know you do, but there are...issues."

She hugged herself. "Issues? What issues! I've met people like me in your shop! I've seen orcs, humans, ogres, pixies, and fairies! I can be out there with others."

"You're part elf, it's different."

"Why!?" She pointed at him. "You don't have elf ears!" She pointed at you. "Mum doesn't either! So something isn't right here!"

Levi clenched his jaw. "Kuchel, watch yourself. I love you dearly, but you're digging where you shouldn't be."

Kuchel huffed and stormed over to you with her three brothers. "Mum!"

You looked up and smiled softly at Kuchel. "Hello, darling. Everything alright? It's not like you to fight with your father."

She sat in front of you. "I want to go to public school. I did the test and passed." She handed you the paper so you could see. "Best grades they've ever seen! Mum, I'm smart, really smart because of you and dad, but now it's time to hand me over to the school. I want to be around others my age."

You lowered the paper. "I'm proud of you for getting such a high score, but it worries me that you went there all alone."

"I was fine! No one was horrible to me. Please mum!"

You handed the paper back and shook your head. "I'm sorry, Kuchel, but it isn't safe for you to go to public school."

"I'll be okay! I talked to the school and they said they'll let me go twice a week so I can help you and dad."

You pulled your two-year-old close. "I'm sorry, Kuchel, but I agree with your father. I don't think you should go."

She growled. "What do you know!? All you've ever done is pick stupid herbs and flowers to make tea and spices for people! You're stuck in that damn garden! All you do is work and push out babies for dad! I want to be someone! I'm proud of who I am unlike you! What example are you setting for us? You don't even have your elf ears! You walk with a limp! How can I be sure dad is even my dad?"

You stared at Kuchel as tears filled your eyes. "You're right. I don't set a good example and I'm sorry for that." You shook your head. "But you still aren't going to school."

"I hate this!"

You watched your daughter hurry off into the woods. You smiled softly at your boys. "It's okay, you three did nothing wrong. Mummy is okay."

Levi knelt and handed you your baby. "I'll deal with her."

You hugged your baby girl. "I think it's time we tell her what happened."

Levi's heart broke a little. "My love."

You smiled. "It's okay. She needs to know."

Levi kissed you. "I love you. I'll be right back." He left you with his three boys and baby girl. He felt awful that such terrible things were said to you, but at the same time, he understood his daughter's frustrations. He kept following the path and found his daughter sitting but the waterfall she loved playing. "Kuchel."

She rubbed her tears. "I never ask for anything and the one time I ask for something, you tell me no."

Levi sat next to her and sighed. "Did I ever tell you how your mother and I met?"

She sniffed. "No."

He smiled softly. "I was a mercenary for hire. I did a lot of work for many people and one day, your grandfather - your mother's father, asked me to work for him. So, I did."

She frowned. "Right...that it?"

Levi ruffled his hair. "It wasn't that simple. I'm human and your mother is an elf."

"She is?"

Levi nodded. "Yes. Elves are very...they don't like mixing their blood. So your mother loving someone outside her race was bad. She was supposed to marry this pure elf, but your mother wanted love and I came along."

Kuchel smiled. "You wooed her?"

"I tried." Levi laughed. "I was very clumsy with my flirting and a blushing mess. Your mother liked it. We met in secret and planned to run away together. I scouted out a few places. Your Uncles Mike and Erwin, along with Aunt Hange helped us out."

"So romantic."

Levi's gaze went dark. "Then the worst day of our lives happened. Your mother was found out while I was away setting up this home. Your grandfather was so cruel to her, but your mother was so strong."

Kuchel felt her heart stop. "What happened to mum?"

Levi gulped. "I'll spare you the details, but he tried to get her to give me up and she refused and due to that she has a limp. He broke her leg badly. He knew he'd lost and told her she was a disgrace to elves and doesn't deserve to be one." He reached up and touched the top of his ears. "He cut off the tops of her ears. Those lovely points were gone."

Kuchel touched her ears. "Mum..."

Levi looked over at Kuchel and put his arm around her. "Your mother is alright. She's happy here. Her dream was to run a nice spice, herb and tea place. She'd help people with what she makes and she knows I love tea." He hummed a laugh. "We came here and we were safe and happy." He rubbed her tears away. "We don't want you to go to school in case you get bullied. Your mother is a disgraced elf and I fear that you going to a school would mean you will be bullied. I don't want you to hate your beautiful self because of others."

Kuchel hugged Levi. "I understand and I'm sorry I shouted."

"It's okay. We hid this from you because we wanted to protect you. We love you and your brothers and sister so very much. You are everything to us. We love you and this is the best thing we know to do right now. Give us some time, okay? I'll figure something out with your teaching."

"Thank you."

He smiled a little. "We wouldn't mind if you joined a local club, that would be alright."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Really." He stood up. "Now, let's go say sorry to your mother."

She blushed. "I was so mean."

"It's okay. Your mother understands your frustrations. Come on."

Kuchel walked back with Levi and saw you tucking your four little ones on the outside bed. "Mum? Can we talk?"

You stood up and limped a little over to her. "Of course. Levi? Look after the little ones for me."

Levi winked. "Happy to."

You put your arm around Kuchel and walked with her a bit before hugging her tightly. "I love you. I love you so much."

Kuchel cried in your arms. "I'm so sorry mum! I'm so sorry! You're so beautiful! You're so pretty and cute! I want to be strong and brave just like you!"

You hummed a laugh. "You already are just like me."

"I hate grandad."

You hummed. "He's just stuck in his old ways. I do hope someday he realises what he did and we can make amends."

She gasped as she looked up at you. "You're incredible."

You smiled sweetly. "I'm just me." You put your arm around her and guided her back. "I guess that bed time story about a monster nipping my ears off won't work anymore."

Kuchel laughed hard. "It won't work."

You winked at her. "Oh well. By the way, Levi is very much your father. You look just like him. Your momma never wanted any other man." You hugged Levi and covered his face in kisses. "Love you."

Levi growled. "Love you."

You looked over at Kuchel. "I've been thinking. How about you spend time with Erwin, Mike and Hange? They are excellent teachers and they can take you all over. You'll meet lots of people along the way."

Kuchel gasped in delight. "Really!?"

You nodded. "They'll keep you safe, take care of you, teach you and let you meet other people. Sometimes you'll be away from us for a week maybe more. Are you okay with that?"

Kuchel welled up. "I'll miss you all."

Levi smiled. "We'll miss you too. So, what do you think?"

"I want to! Thank you!" She hugged you and Levi. "Thank you! I'll make you both proud."

"We're already proud."

You nodded. "Very proud."

[warm-starlight]

"levihan is homophobic"

-Hange's gender was never disclosed, we literally don't know whats in their pants

"they have no interactions"

-Levi asking moblit to take care of them in smartpass

- Levi referring to them (and the 104th) as family

- Levi saving them in the library story and commenting on their wits

- Hange saying he's too kind

- Hange referring to him as their best friend they share everything and he confides in them too

- Hange always knows it's him when not wearing glasses despite their terrible eyesight

- Levi making them sweets for valentine's/white day

- Hange planning a party for his birthday

- Levi sharing his good tea leaves

- Cleaning their appartment in chuugaku

(-also I think they kinda lived together towards the end?)

- Again in chuugaku cooking for them (nanaba wanted to be mikasas apprentice after tasting her cooking, later revealed it was so good bc she cooked out of love for eren and Hange shared some cookies Levi made for them bc they're always broke and that changed nanas mind and wanted to be Levi's apprentice, make of that what you will)

"well, no CANON interactions"

- Hange being the only one to understand and translate what Levi means

- Levi torturing sannes the same as pastor nick and THEN asking questions, meaning he did it partially to get Hange feel better

- Levi being drawn constantly with them

- Hange knowing Levi's backstory and connection to Kenny

- Hange being the first to welcome openly Levi and his friend into the survey corps with no ulterior motive just curiosity

- Levi getting mad at Kenny when they got injured

- Levi knowing them by their knock

- Hange trusting his choice in serumbowl despite disagreeing bc it's him

- Saving him and putting everything on hold to do so even endangering their own wellbeing

- Admitting of wanting to run away with him

- I know for a fact I don't exchange that kind of looks with my besties....

- Levi going dead eye when they had to sacrifice themself

- Putting his fist over their heart in a unique way to salute (remind me, isn't the left hand the one you wear your wedding ring because supposedly there is a vein in the ring finger connecting to the heart? And furthermore in case of a heart attack left arm pain is a main symptom so there's clearly a connection, whether that was intentional from yams we don't know but within the realms of possibility ig)

- 3 freaking panels dedicated to Levi's face with expressions that speak for their own

- Hange in the center of the mist, deliberately standing out between fai haired people & the only one interacting with him based on expressions

- despite all the shit I've seen about Hange and the plane and people diminishing it, Levi 100% thought of them. It was the anniversary of their death, Levi hasn't been shown to have any connection to airplanes whatsoever except the one instance he had to say goodbye to his oldest living friend and comrade and generally most important person at this point, so what other explanation could be there? Just filler? Its his last panel!!! Shouldn't it be something telling? Even so, say it doesn't have anything to do with them... why is onya looking at him like that? Hange doesn't have a grave, their body is impossible to recover and bury, this was yams giving Hange a last memorial in a way.

Point is, there's plenty of material. People just.... Don't want to see it ig and honestly, okaayyyy??? Just don't spread hate and bully others???

(The only thing that did confuse me too was during shiganshina, where he said use them and their squad as bait and they lead so erwin stays safe. That did seem weird and despite me knowing the world they live in, and reading your analysis over that anon, I keep thinking it was kinda shady Levi said that. But that's one thing among very others that show he cares for Hange and maybe towards the end it wasnt all platonic)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. ❤

[jackson--t]

The last one turns off the light

Summary: On the day of Ragnar's funeral, the family reunites - but even before that, chaos begins. When the Lothbroks brothers get together, the world turns upside down - and not only funny things will come out.

Words: ~ 3.7 k.

Pairings/tags: please look up at AO3, too much for here. We have one crossover pairing, which will be Ubbe x Eggsy (Kingsman). And obviously, Heahmund x Ivar. 🤣

This story is a comforter for me and hopefully entertaining for you. 🖤 Other updates follow this week, since I had a light down. xD

If you want to be tagged in this one, tell me please. 🥰 I always feel so uncormfortable tagging people and thinking they don't like all of my weird stuff, lovely @youbloodymadgenius 🤣❤.

Chapter 1: Of canapès and barking dogs.

Bjorn, Torvi & Sigurd

 It was not a nice day, Bjorn had known that from the beginning. Going to funerals was never easy - but holding his father's at his mother-in-law's house was. He had always believed that Ragnar would grow much older - and that the day he died would be peaceful.

But the house of Aslaug had been strangely restless for days. Sigurd had already arrived and had taken possession of the guest room next to Torvi and Bjorn's - his other brothers would soon follow. Bjorn folded the note in his hand lightly and sighed softly. He had read through the words a thousand times, and yet he kept getting stuck.

"I don't know why Aslaug wants me to give the speech," he said softly to Torvi, and she smiled slightly. Her hands softly stroked Bjorn's back, and her voice was like velvet against his ear.

"Because you're the oldest, that's why."

"Everyone will think that Ivar will hold it. After all, he's the famous author."

"Don't worry about that, you know people love you."

Bjorn creased the notes in his hand a little and turned his gaze again to the scrawled words. "My father was a great man. He was born in Kattegat in 1968. Kattegat is known for fishing and... God Torvi, it sounds like a school lecture. Ivar should do it."

"Be brave, Bjorn.", Torvi muttered to him, when suddenly the door opened.

"Are there, the guys with the coffin. With Dad." Sigurd said, who was still talking through the door before he could even open it with a rumble. Bjorn clicked his tongue.

"Still haven't learned to knock, huh?" he hissed, and Sigurd rolled his eyes.

"I don't care, now get down here. Mom's going to freak out - you know how sensitive she is."

"Then she shouldn't have done the funeral here in her house."

"I'll say three words to that: lazy old woman."

"Sigurd!"

Sigurd laughed lightly, and nodded to Bjorn, who slowly rose from the bed and placed his notes on the nightstand. "Come, Torvi."

It was not an easy step that Bjorn took down the stairs, together with Sigurd and Torvi. The last time he had seen his father alive, everything had been fine: he had sat in front of the TV in the evening and watched a game with Bjorn. It had been quiet hours, and the last touch Bjorn actively remembered was the light feeling of Ragnar's fingers on his forearm when he had told him a good joke. Ragnar had laughed so loudly that there had been tears in his eyes - it had been a lovely evening.

Bjorn had long wondered if those last moments were enough, enough to be last words. He should perhaps have said an "I love you," something that expressed his deep admiration for this man. But one never knew when those were the last words - and when Bjorn saw the heavy oak coffin standing in the living room, along with the funeral home staff, his heart felt heavy. It was like lead, as if all the weights were pulling down the otherwise strong and heavy body. But he remained strong, even when he saw how Sigurd became slightly pale around the nose.

Nevertheless, with a quiet clearing of his throat and a respectful nod to the staff, he stood in front of the coffin and opened it with a slight, barely audible movement.

An iron silence spread, and one could almost feel the oppressive heaviness as Björn stared into the coffin. The funeral home staff lowered their heads in reverence as Bjorn suddenly said dryly, "That's not my father."

The silence around the room changed as the employees looked first at each other, and then at Bjorn, who still kept his gaze fixed on the coffin.

One of the staff came around and looked at the dead man, then opened his mouth.

"Oh God, that's really the wrong one. Guys, we put the wrong one in the coffin. We're terribly sorry, Mister Lothbrok - we'll be right back."

Torvi and Bjorn watched the men as they took the coffin back outside; then Bjorn exhaled deeply.

Sigurd in the corner behind them let out a soft chuckle.

"Well, if this is how the funeral is going to start, it's going to be cheerful. A bad omen."

"Don't say that!" Bjorn hissed, and Sigurd just snarled.

"It already started when Ivar said he was bringing his weird drug friend."

"He's a pharmacist, you monkey."

"Same thing, he sells drugs to old people. Maybe he can mix some in the punch."

“Sigurd!"

"What?"

"A little more respect." Torvi said annoyed, while Bjorn exhaled deeply.

"My respect just sailed out with the wrong daddy."

"Oh man. Please let this day go by quickly and without a hitch," Bjorn muttered, trying not to think about the mess that had ensued last Christmas when Ivar and Sigurd had fought over dessert and had destroyed one window.

"The day is��guaranteed to be a disaster. Just think who's all coming together here today. They don't say the Lothbroks are all crazy for nothing. And if Ivar says a stupid thing about Martha, I'll punch him in the face!" Sigurd snarled; he took one of the canapés, but got lightly smacked on the fingers by Aslaug, who had joined in quietly and silently.

"Don't!"

"I'm hungry, though."

"You wait until everyone gets here!" Aslaug hissed; one could tell she wasn't feeling well. Torvi silently accompanied her to the kitchen again, while Bjorn sat down next to Sigurd's armchair with a snort.

"I'm so going to fail. Why isn't Ivar giving the speech?" he muttered; he also took a canapé, as did Sigurd, who by now had rested his legs on the little table next to him.

"It doesn't matter, no one will listen anyway. Everyone will blubber. Besides, he's bringing his friend, that fucking Brit. He won't talk in front of him, I bet you."

"All right, let him. They've been together for a long time."

"Yeah, while Ubbe will end up an old maid."

"You too."

The brothers looked at each other, then they both laughed. And although it was not a fitting day for laughter, they both couldn't help it. They were only interrupted when Aslaug came storming out of the kitchen and slapped them both on the knuckles for eating too many of the canapés.

 

§-----§-----§

 

Ubbe, Hvitserk, Ivar, Heahmund & Eggsy

 "Which house was it again?" Ubbe asked, drawing his eyebrows together; Ivar yawned slightly as he looked out the window at the passing houses. He already knew the area by heart, had already spent so many hours driving to and from Heahmund's house - and not just because of Heahmund. Heahmund's little brother Eggsy was Ivar's age, and the two had been best friends for a long time. It had been rather inappropriate when Ivar had confessed to him one day that he fancied his older brother - but after Eggsy had punched him in the face for it during a visit to a club, to be fair, they had been best friends again.

"That one up front. You know that house, you drove me here so many times!" Ivar snarled; Ubbe just snorted softly.

"Yeah, it was dark back then, and you were drunk."

"Alcohol is my muse. And a naked Heahmund."

"No, Ivar. Please don't. At least today. He's a pharmacist, isn't he?"

Ivar rolled his eyes slightly and exhaled in annoyance, then nodded slightly. He ran a hand through his hair while his gaze was fixed on his older brother.

"Yeah, you know that too," he grumbled, and Ubbe shrugged.

"Do you think he can take a look at my wrist? There's all this discoloration on it."

"Ubbe, please. He's a pharmacist, not a doctor," Hvitserk interjected, who was sitting in the back seat.

Ivar knew that his older brother was very upset inside. Ivar felt it the same way - when he had learned of Ragnar's death, a part of his world had collapsed. It had taken him a long time to come to terms - a long time, and a handful of Heahmund's best pills. That had helped. When Ivar saw the slightly clouded look on Hvitserk's face in the rearview mirror, he bit his lower lip lightly.

"But he deals with pills, he knows what I can take!" Ubbe replied irritably.

"Eggsy deals, Heahmund thinks it sucks," Ivar said, amused, turning his gaze back outside.

"Why can they even do that? Eggsy looks like the last spade."

"Ay!"

"Ain't that the truth."

"Maybe Heahmund will have some pills for you in a minute, Hvitty. You look really pale," Ivar said quietly; his bright eyes found Hvitserk's, and he clearly saw his brother forcing a smile.

"I just have a stomachache, after all, and a little dizziness. I'll be fine."

"Here we are," Ubbe said, and the three brothers got out of the car.

The house was in a somewhat quieter corner of the town and was a veritable palace; it had been expensive, for Heahmund and Eggsy's parents were both doctors. Heahmund had confessed to Ivar once long ago that he knew he was a disappointment to them as an apothecary - but Ivar had always encouraged him. Heahmund loved working with chemicals, and the fact that he had fallen in love with him, well - Ivar clearly owed a bit of that to his love of Eggsy's forbidden tablets. Ivar remembered it clearly - an Iggy Pop concert, drunk to the point of no return, and he had dared to kiss Heahmund for the first time.

He remembered hot fingers on his body, wet and sweaty bodies pressing against each other, loud and booming music in his ears, vibrating on his skin.

But that quickly disappeared as Ubbe pressed the button on the bell and waited with his two brothers. It took a moment, but then a grinning Eggsy opened the door.

"Holla, we don't actually buy anything at the door," he said, and Ivar laughed. He chimed in with Eggsy and went into the house, with Ubbe and Hvitserk following. For a moment Eggsy and Ubbe looked at each other, then Ubbe said, "Do you have anything for Hvitty's stomachache?"

"Hmm. I don't know... I'll go see. Hold on. Oh, Ivar - Heahmund's in the shower, he'll be right there in a minute," Eggsy replied, winking at Ivar, who again bit his lip lightly before catching Ubbe's shocked look.

"Ivar, I dare you. You're wearing your fancy suit, Dad gave you that one at the time for your first book launch. If it gets wet-" Ubbe muttered, and Ivar snorted.

"What, it's just water!"

"I think Ubbe once again couldn't get it into his mouth that he means the cum stains that are on your suit afterwards when Heahmund has... wiped himself on your lips," Hvitserk threw into the round and was rewarded by a punch in the neck from Ubbe and a hearty laugh from Ivar.

"I'll wash your filthy mouth out in a minute... Ah, look. Here's some paracetamol, you can take it, can't you?" Ubbe said, holding up a brown little box with the words written all over it in a very slightly scuffed way. Ivar raised his eyebrows as Ubbe tossed the little tin to Hvitserk.

"Hmm, okay... I'll take these without water, not that my suit will get "wet" yet," Hvitserk muttered, and Ivar nudged him lightly.

"Stop it now, I'm shitting myself laughing. But I'm really going to see where Heahmund is," he said, and went up the stairs to the upper floors. Hvitserk swallowed his pills while Ubbe wandered lightly up and down the hallway, looking at the photos on the wall.

It had taken Ubbe a long time to accept Heahmund and Ivar's relationship. Heahmund was an educated and kind man, but Ubbe thought him far too old for Ivar. He knew his little brother and his moods, and also his volatility. It was a real miracle that the relationship had lasted two years by now - which was surely due to Ubbe always keeping an eye on Ivar. Even Ragnar had taken a while to get along with Heahmund. Not as a mate, not as a man - but as the boyfriend at Ivar's side. He had always seen his son in the arms of pretty women, but never in the arms of another man who could almost be his father himself.

Ubbe's eyes wandered over the many photos on the wall and lingered on a family photo. It was visible that they were a well-heeled, wealthy family - only Eggsy stood out, as always. The boy was just like them with Ivar, the nestling, the baby - and the spawn of hell. Even though Ubbe really liked Eggsy's grin, and his blunt, British humor.

"What do you think it's going to be like today? Wow, are the walls yellow here.", Hvitserk said quietly; Ubbe directed his gaze to the beige wall, but only raised his eyebrows. It was nothing new that Hvitserk had lousy taste when it came to color naming.

"Well... it's dad. I'm sure it won't be pretty. I can't wait to see how Bjorn's speech turns out."

"Why isn't Ivar holding it?" Hvitserk said; as the two looked at each other, Hvitserk lightly stroked the wall with his fingers. Ubbe smiled briefly; he put a hand on Hvitserk's shoulder and sighed.

"I don't know. It doesn't matter either, he's the oldest, and he'll do fine. It was mother's wish. And Dad would have loved it. We'll all be together again," he said quietly, and Hvitserk nodded silently.

He was about to say something when Eggsy came down the stairs. He tossed a small can to Ubbe and winked. "Here, paracetamol."

"It's all good Eggs, we've already had some. It was okay, right? There were some lying here, we really only took two."

Eggsy's grin disappeared from his face; he was about to say something when Ivar and Heahmund came down the stairs.

"Hello, you two!" Heahmund said; he was smiling, but he placed his hand lightly comfortingly on Ubbe's shoulder, who smiled only slightly. "I'm really very sorry."

"It's okay. It's part of life, isn't it?" Ubbe replied; he waited until Heahmund removed his hand, and then cleared his throat, not without another quick glance at the slightly distraught Eggsy.

"I'll go start the car. Eggsy, are you going to ride with us?"

"Who... me? Nah, I'll... um... drive myself later, I've got stuff to do," he said, forcing a soft smile.

When Ubbe was out the door and the others were about to follow, Eggsy stood in front of the door. He pushed it shut lightly and looked at the three, who eyed him in slight confusion.

"Eggs, what are you doing? Make room.", Ivar snarled and grabbed Eggsy by the shoulder, but the latter just pushed him away slightly.

"Honestly - Hvit - how many of those pills did you take?" he said harshly, and Hvitserk snorted.

"Two, why? And you guys should repaint your house, that yellow paint really stings in the eyes."

"FUCK." Eggsy said, and Heahmund grabbed him by the shoulder.

"What do you mean with fuck, Eggsy? Do you have like... no. Don't tell me you..."

"Yeah… I did."

"What's wrong?" Ivar interjected, whose gaze had so far only wandered back and forth between the two.

"The pills.” Eggsy murmured, holding up the brown tin.

"Paracetamol, it says. Are you stupid?" Hvitserk said, and Eggsy opened his mouth.

"That's really a bit inappropriate now, huh... These aren't paras."

A rough hand reached into Eggsy's shirt, and Heahmund pushed his younger brother hard back against the door. "What do you mean Eggsy?!"

"I was... experimenting, it was supposed to be for tonight, I... I named it xylitol x10."

"What."

"What?"

"Is that why the walls are so fucking yellow?!" Hvitserk shouted, trying to jump towards Eggsy, but Ivar held him back.

"I'm sorry, but you don't just eat any fucking pills lying around somewhere either -"

"It had paracetamol on it, you asshole!!!"

"Yeah, you think I'd write party drug on it?"

"STOP!" Heahmund yelled between them, holding the boys apart; he could feel exactly how tense Hvitserk and Ivar were breathing.

"What's in it, Eggsy?" Heahmund asked, and all eyes turned to the young Englishman. Eggsy fussed, running a hand down the back of his neck, then muttering lightly.

"Well, this and that...I didn't...quite calculate that."

"Hallucinogens?" Heahmund grumbled; he still had his brother in stitches, and Eggsy nodded slightly.

"Everything. Stimulants, sleeping pills, painkillers. It's supposed to get you high on a new level."

It took a moment before Hvitserk let out a slight cry of panic and went for Eggsy's throat; Ivar interposed himself but gave Eggsy a deadly look.

"How long does it last?" he asked frantically, and Eggsy opened his lips slightly. It took him a moment before he quietly replied, "Twelve hours?"

Hvitserk was about to go after Eggsy again, but this time Heahmund joined in.

"THAT MEANS I'M GOING COMPLETELY HIGH AND FUCKED UP ON MY FATHER'S FUNERAL?" Hvitserk shouted, and Eggsy shrugged slightly.

"That... yeah, something like that. But it won't be so bad, because… you just won't notice anything."

"Eggsy, this is going to be trouble. Shit, what do we do now? Ubbe doesn't have a clue, does he?"

Ivar bit his lower lip lightly, still looking at his best friend. He knew that Eggsy had never done this on purpose, guaranteed, and that he had simply wanted to resell the pills. They had done it so many times, together, to really kick ass at festivals - if Ragnar or Ubbe had ever known that, and Heahmund - oh, Ivar was sure he would end up in hell. But he stuck by Eggsy, who by now was really pale around the nose.

"We'll work it out. We can say he's allergic to the pills because they were... expired."

"Ivar, that's... Ubbe will never believe that. He himself is so..."

"We have no choice."

Hvitserk pressed his head against Ivar's shoulder and let out a low snort; his hands clawed tightly into the suit of Ivar's shoulder, and Ivar patted his head lightly.

"Well, at least... the funeral won't be so bad for you then." he said, catching an indignant look from Heahmund, which he only returned with a shrug.

"We have no choice, like I said."

A honk sounded outside, and all four flinched violently; Hvitserk raised his eyes, already looking slightly dreamy.

"Fuck... Eggsy, get changed and join us as soon as you can. It's best if Hvitserk drinks a lot of water to get that stuff out. God, Eggsy...you must be from the mailman.", Heahmund said with a slight frown.

"Shut up, it wasn't like I wanted this!"

"It's okay now." Ivar said, taking Hvitserk's forearm in his hand; he guided his brother easily while Eggsy opened the front door.

"You just have to pretend everything's okay long enough. So Ubbe won't notice anything, because he'll kill Eggsy, me and Heahmund then. And with his kind, himself, too," Ivar added; he held Hvitserk tightly as he pulled slightly towards the flowerbed.

"The flowers smell like butter."

"Sure, everybody knows that," Ivar said, turning in a panic to Eggsy, who stood like a little pale something in the front doorway, watching the three of them get into Ubbe's car.

He raised his arm ever so slightly and with compressed lips nodded to Ubbe, who waved at him. Only when the car turned the corner slightly did he flee back into the house in a panic.

The first few miles through the city in the car were silent; until Ubbe cleared his throat and looked at the slightly cramped Heahmund and Ivar in the back seat through the mirror.

"Everything’s good? What else did you do inside?" he asked, and Ivar and Heahmund looked at each other slightly. Then Ivar put on a warm smile.

"I was arguing with Eggs about what he should wear. He refuses to wear a suit."

"Haha yeah, that’s my little... cutie... brother.", Heahmund laughed, and got a firm jab from Ivar in the ribcage for it - which Ubbe luckily didn't see because he had to brake hard. An elderly couple walked across the intersection, and Hvitserk suddenly looked around in confusion.

"Wasn't there a dog in here just now?" Hvitserk said, mouth agape; Ubbe at the steering wheel drew his eyebrows together, while Ivar and Heahmund exchanged brief glances in the back seat.

"What?" Ubbe asked, snorting in amusement, while Ivar lightly bit his lower lip. Hvitserk's gaze turned towards Ubbe in confusion, and he stared at his older brother slightly absently.

"There was a dog barking in here just now, wasn't there?"

"Hvitty what the... did you take dr...?" Ubbe began, but Ivar interrupted him frantically, putting his hand on Ubbe's shoulder from behind.

"Aren't we almost there?" he said with pointed curiosity, and Ubbe turned his gaze skeptically to the road. "Yes, in a minute," he said, giving Ivar a puzzled look through the rearview mirror. But his youngest brother only smiled an exaggeratedly broad and hearty smile, while Hvitserk pressed his head against the window, smiling slightly.

"You guys are acting weird. But today it’s okay. After all, today is an important day, and it's finally another day when the whole family gets to be together loving each other. If only Dad could see us like this," Ubbe said quietly, albeit with a soft, crooked smile at the corner of his mouth.

If only dad could see us.

Ivar's hands clenched slightly, and he exhaled softly. His brother was doped up on whatever drugs Eggsy had made up makeshift from his pharmacy studies. Bjorn would make a beastly speech, Ivar knew, even though it hurt his heart to think of his oldest brother that way. Sigurd and he would quarrel, and even that day hold grudges against each other. Ivar would show up at his father's funeral with his boyfriend, whom not many knew yet. Aunt Helga would have a heart attack. Ubbe would have a crisis as soon as he realized that Hvitserk hadn't just taken paracetamol. Oh yes, if only dad could see us.

But it was Heahmund's warm hands that closed around his and held him tightly; very tightly, so that Ivar immediately felt safe and comfortable. He glanced at his partner, and Heahmund smiled encouragingly at him. At least he was there - because with him, Ivar felt complete.

Even if his brother in the passenger seat wore a slight thread of drool in the corner of his mouth and was guaranteed to be fantasizing about yellow walls and butter-smelling flowers, and imaginary dogs barking in the car.

[londonsquitebiggg]

The One -Chapter 2

^^college campus^^^^

Krista’s POV,

After school I headed home and did the usual, helped mom cook dinner, talked with my parents about our days. My dad asked me about Harry and his friends whose names I didn't know. I blushed profusely at the mention of his name, not wanting to be drawn back in to the thoughts I had about him... they weren't the most appropriate which isn't okay because he is obviously not my mate because he would have said something to me, right?

Either way I shouldn't be having these kinds of thoughts about him.. especially because I've never had such vulgar thoughts about any guy no matter how hot they were. Not to mention I'm supposed to be focusing on the fact that I'm going to have my first shift in two days, plus it will be my birthday and we'll have a huge party.

You see, in the werewolf community your eighteenth birthday is the same amount of excitement humans get on their twenty-first birthday. Just instead of getting to drink and become an "adult". It's when we shift for the first time and we get our wolf, we get to start our training, and not to forget we can start searching for our mates.

With me being the Alphas oldest child it's a pretty big deal. My parents are throwing a HUGE party. Inviting every pack member to show off their pride and joy of a daughter coming of age. Once I shift and find my mate, they will take over the Alpha position from my father and ill become our packs Luna.

"Krista, sweetie did you hear anything that I just said?!" My father exclaimed, frustrated that I was not listening to what he was saying.

"Sorry daddy I was just lost in my thoughts. I'm really nervous for my shift." Was my response knowing that he was go easier on me knowing that I was scared. You see I've always been a daddy's girl. My dad and I have always been super close, he wants me to know everything there is about being a good leader and person.

"I was just saying that we should invite Harry and his pack mates to your birthday party. Might be a good opportunity for them to find their mates seeing as our whole pack will be in one place?" Daddy responded.

My breath caught in my throat and the thought of them being there, him being there, making it a lot easier to find out if he is my mate.

"That is a great idea! Would you like me to ask them or would you like to relay the message?" I asked, hoping he would leave it up to me so I would have an excuse to talk to him again.

"You can do it, I do believe that Harry is supposed to be coming over tomorrow afternoon so that I could catch up with him. I haven't seen him under non-pack related circumstances since his mother and Robin got married. But seeing as you'll see him before me and it is your party, I think you should be the one to invite them and show they are welcome here." Was his response as we all finished and mom started cleaning off the table.

After being excused from dinner I decided to retire to my room for the remainder of the evening. I started reading over the notes I had taken today and going over the semester notes before changing into my pajamas, washing my face, brushing my teeth and heading to bed. Not being able to keep a certain brow haired green-eyed man out of my mind.

****************************** THE NEXT DAY *************************************

"BEEP, BEEP, BEEP"

Another morning awoken by that lovely sound. My morning consisted of my normal routine, as finished I walked into the living room where my dad was sitting, I walked over to him and kissed his cheek.

"Morning daddy, I'm off to school I love you see you later"

I walked into the kitchen to tell my mother goodbye, while also grabbing an apple and granola bar before grabbing my bag and walking out to my car and drove to campus. As I pulled into my parking lot and I saw Harry standing there with his group of friends. What a beautiful sight to see first thing in morning. I wouldn't mind starting every day staring at his god like face.

I shook that thought away and shut off my car, grabbed my things, and got out. It was almost like he sensed I was near he turned around and checked me out while taking his bottom lip in between his teeth and winking at me once we made eye contact.

I have to admit, when he does that it's so sexy and a turn on... WHAT AM I THINKING?!?! I felt myself starting to blush so bad that I probably looked like a tomato. I did the only logical thing I could think of, I ducked my head and started walking with my head down into the school as quickly as my legs would carry me.

Harry's Pov,

I was standing outside school talking to the guys about how I am going to talk to the Alpha today about me finding my mate... I know what you must be thinking, "Harry, why not just tell the girl? Why put her and yourself through the torment of waiting?" well you see in the werewolf community, if either party is not of age the older wolf must ask for the families permission before starting a relationship with each other.

Trust me I'm going crazy not being with her but I've been waiting for her for eight years, I'm sure I could last a few more hours until I go speak to Alpha Mayfield to locate her family and go figure out claiming what is rightfully mine!

Speaking of my lovely mate I was knocked out of my thoughts about all the things I couldn't wait for once I was able to officially say she was mine, when I caught her delicious scent. I turned around to gawk at her when I let out a deep but quite growl at the site of her.

She had on a white tight-fitting cropped tank top, with a red, white, and blue flannel shirt over it, light blue Jean SHORT shorts, and converse. Holy shit I was that is girl is trying to kill me! Like hell how does she manage to look so incredibly sexy yet still innocent???

I saw her looking at me and I bit my lip and shot her a wink looking to get a reaction out of her, I know she was trying to hide it but I saw a splash of color make its way onto her perfect face.

******************* AFTER SCHOOL AT KRISTA'S HOUSE******************

As I walked up the front steps of the Alpha's house, I was mentally giving myself a pep talk. I mean, I've known Alpha Mayfield for most of my life but having to tell him I met my mate and figure out how to initiate contact is a big deal. I knocked on the front door. I heard heavy footsteps approaching and I straightened myself out when Alpha Mayfield opened the door.

"Ah, Harry my boy, it's so great to see you again. Please come in, come in."

As I walked in the door there was a faint scent of my mate as if she was here recently, I assume she must be friends with the Alphas kids.

" It's good to see you too sir. Thank you so much for allowing me and my friends onto your territory to look for our mates. It means a lot to us to have your cooperation with the matter. I'm sure you will be delighted to hear that I have indeed found my mate." I told him while I followed him into the living room taking a seat on the couch as he took a seat in the recliner.

"OH! This is great news!!!! I'm so thrilled for you Harry, tell me who is the lucky girl?" Just as I was about to respond to him, that lucky girl come rushing through the front door. I figured that she was here with the Alphas daughter. So, imagine my shock when MY lovely mate walked straight up to the Alpha and gave him a huge hug and kiss on the cheek.

I was stunned! Is she trying to make me mad? Didn't she see I was right here? Are they together? He has a mate and so does she.... ME! and not to mention that she was a lot younger than him... what the bloody hell is going on her...

"Hi daddy how was your day?" Came Krista's greeting, breaking me from my troubled thoughts. It all made sense now, she wasn't his daughters' friend, or his lover, she WAS his daughter.... Holy shit....my mate is the Alphas daughter!

Telling him who my mate was just got a whole lot harder! When I tell him Krista is my mate is there is a 50% chance I am going to be killed. I mean I don't think he would because he knows me and everything but he's an Alpha and we are talking about a twenty-six your old man coming in and taking his only daughter as his own. I know if it was my pup, I would be ... well let's just say if the guy didn't leave with his tail between his legs, I didn't do my job right.

" It was a long day sweetheart! Krista, you know Harry right? He's one of the wolves I told you about, I know you said you were going to invite him and his friends to your party. Oh! And good news he found his mate!" Alpha Mayfield told her with excitement, I could have sworn I saw disappointment flash across her face but she quickly covered it.

Krista's Pov,

NO!!! He can't have mate! I was supposed to be his mate, this totally sucks. I'm so upset I just want to run to my room and cry. I have to suck it up and find out who she is so I can scope out my competition. WAIT! What the freak am I thinking?!?! in less than two days I will be able to find my mate, I can't not fall for this guy who already has a mate!

"So Harry, who is you mate? She sure is a lucky girl! It really is so exciting that you already found her." I fake enthusiasm and acted like I'm not dying on the inside.

"That's for me to know and you to find out" He responded adding a wink at the end.

"I still need to talk to her father and your dad um, because I'm not sure if she is a full wolf yet and also, we don't want you to spoil the surprise now do we?" he was really nervous and distracted as he finished his statement. I don't understand why he is so distracted; it couldn't be because of me could it?

OH MY GOD HE HAS A FREAKING MATE ALREADY GET THAT THOURGH YOUR THICK SKULL!!!

"Well I'll leave so you guys can talk then. Congratulations Harry, she's a lucky girl" As I started to walk out when he calls out "I'm the lucky one" and winks at me I try not to cry and blush, let's just say I bolted out of the room faster than ever before.

Harry's Pov,

I have no idea how to phrase all of this, I will just have to tell him privately in hopes that she can't hear us. Let's just hope I make it out of this alive!

"Sir, do you think we can discuss this somewhere more private? I don't really want to risk anyone hearing." I ask trying to keep my voice from shaking. I mean don't get me wrong I'm not a wimp! But when you find out that your mates father is the Alpha or the strongest pack in the United States it's a bit intimidating.

"Oh, of course come on we can go up to my office. Follow me" We both got up and headed upstairs. As we were we passed a room which I assume belongs to Krista because of the smell, Marcus starts going crazy!

"Mate!! Go to mate claim her as our, mark her so everyone knows who she belongs too!!"

I had to ignore the urge which is super hard considering I'm an Alpha. Once we find our mates the pull is so intense it hurts to be without them if you haven't marked them. I just kept following Alpha Mayfield until we got to a set of French doors which I assumed led to his office.

My assumption was confirmed as he opened them and walked in taking a seat behind a huge desk in the middle of the room.

" So, Harry you mentioned that you weren't sure if your mate was of age yet. Do you know her name? I can look her up in the packs database and then take you to the right place."

I didn't know how to say it, so I kind of just blurted it out.

"KRISTA'S MY MATE!" My breathing heavy and eyes wide as I waited for his reaction. The look on his face was pure shock which then turned into one of fury.

" WHAT?! When did you find this out?!" He screamed back at me, face turning red in anger.

"Sir please calm down, I found out that she was my mate yesterday and I only just found out she was your daughter a minute ago I swear! Had I known who she was, I would have come and spoken to you sooner. " I was scared to say the least. I didn't want to be disrespectful but I also wasn't going to be a coward. I knew what I wanted and that was MY mate, my other half, something that was mine and was made for me just like I was made for her!

"Well you can't tell her that you're her mate!" ... Who the fuck does he think he is? I mean yeah, he's her father and I want him to accept me, I would like to have if approval. But I don't give a shit if he is the most powerful Alpha around, he has no right to say I couldn't be with my mate! I decided it was time to give him a piece of my mind. I don't fucking care if I die, I wasn't going down without a fight!

"Well why the fuck not?!?! I have a right to be with my mate. I don't care if you're the bloody alpha or her father you can't stop me!! You were the one who invited me onto your land so I could find the person that the Moon Goddess created to complete me, And you want to deprive me of that? Deprive your daughter from being with her mate!? " I was really fucking pissed off he has no right to make that decision.

I was trying to calm myself down I could tell that Marcus wanted to take control, I'm sure that my eyes were pitch black right now. If I didn't calm down, he would take over control and there is no telling what he would do.

"Oh Harry, calm the hell down would you! I give you my blessing. I couldn't think of anyone who would be a better fit for my little girl than you." He said helping to calm my anger.

"It's just if you go and tell her now, she won't be able to experience the thrill of finding her mate. The experience of seeking out your smell, locking eyes for the first time and knowing that your hers. I mean I can already see that she is attracted to you, and by the look on her face when I said you had found your mate showed that she is somewhat feeling the effects of the mate bond" He continued.

I could understand what he was saying but I was still confused.

"So what do you expect me to do? I wont be able to hold my wolf or feelings back forever." I told him slightly irritated.

"You don't have to wait forever; you just have to wait two more days. On her birthday she will have her first shift, then she will be able to seek out her mate and you guys can be together. You'll come to her party, heck you and your friends are like a group that sings right? You guys can play at her party." I had calmed down tremendously, still irritated but calm.

Let me just say...

This is going to be the longest two days of my life!!

Krista's Pov,

After I left the living room, I bolted up the stairs taking them two at a time. I opened my door and slammed it closed locking it and flopping down face first onto my bed.

All I could think about was Harry and his mate, who wasn't me. I have this pit in my stomach. The thought of him with someone who isn't me making me nauseous which made no sense to me. I should be happy for him; he has been looking for his mate for eight years and he finally found her! I'm going to start looking for my mate in two days so it shouldn't affect me, I should be focusing on my own mate.

But the thought of Harry and I not being a possibility makes me not want to have a mate. How am I supposed to be seeing him with someone who isn't me? Act like seeing him show affection to another doesn't make me sick? Why do I feel like this?

Is this normal? Why did he have to stumble into my life and make it so difficult?! Why did he have to come and make me like him? I shouldn't be feeling these things for a mated male who isn't mine! I don't understand why he would flirt with me if he had a mate? Maybe Ashlyn was right, maybe he is a player. Maybe he thought that I would be easy, Fall for him just because he's super hot and I'm a nerdy, insecure girl.

I mean I guess in a way that was true, that is what is happening, but I was going to put a stop to this! For the next day and a half, I was going to avoid Harry as much as possible and then once I shift and find my mate I won't even care about, I'll be too focused on my mate and my Luna training starting.

This starts now. I got up from my bed, deciding that I've spent too much time and energy on the god like man that is Harry Styles. I walked to my bathroom turning on my bath faucet and dumped in my strawberry bubble bath, I needed to relax and not think of him!

After shedding my outfit from the day and stepping in. Breathing out a relieved sigh, this is just what I needed. All my tense muscles relaxing, loosening. Sinking into the water deeper, I slowly started drifting into a dreamless sleep.

********************************** 20 Minutes Later *******************************

There was a knock on my bathroom door, my Mother waking me up from my relaxed sleep. My water has gone cold, my fingers and toes are all pruned from the exposure to the wet environment. I pulled the plug, and stepped out of the tub onto my soft bathmat.

Changing into my pajamas and heading down to eat. Picking at my food until I couldn't eat anymore, the pit in my stomach coming back full force. I decided I have had enough of the awful day I retired to my room for the evening. After turning on Netflix and finding "Pretty Little Liars" I curled up in my comfy bed full of fluffy pillow and soft blankets. Eventually falling into a thrilling dream that may or may not have involved a certain green-eyed man.

*****Krista's Room****

[moonlit-melodies]

A Day At The Fair (Original Story)

Written: June 23, 2020 / Posted: December 9, 2020

Warnings: None / Word Count: 2,515 words

Tia hadn’t been to the state fair in years. Not because her parents didn’t let her, but because she just wasn’t interested in going. It’s always seemed too loud, too noisy, too filled with children and germs. But the week before, her friends were begging her to join them for just one day.

Her mom smiled at her as she dropped her off on the side of the road, just outside of the fair. She could see her friends sitting and chatting next to the greenery hanging from the walls of the fair.

“Have fun, Fatia,” her mom said, kissing her forehead before she hopped out of the car. After waving goodbye to her mother, Tia walked over to where her friends sat, talking about their previous DnD campaign. Olivia looked up at her, smiled and waved.

“Tia!”

The others looked up and ran to hug Tia, as if they hadn’t just seen each other at school the day before.

“Do we all have money for tickets?” Valerie, the eldest of the group, asked, standing from where she was sitting. Lydia, Valerie’s nearly identical twin sister, had cash for the both of them. Tia tapped her purse, and Liv nodded.

Tia had first met Lydia and Valerie in fifth grade, when they and a few other kids were part of their school’s first all-girls Robotics team. Two years later, Olivia came to their school. The four of them bonded over their shared love of musicals, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter. Now, they’re a nerdy group of friends who sing Newsies during lunch or recess, and Les Miserables during field trips.

The four of them all walked to the entrance, chattering about their homework assignments and games. They passed through security, Tia opening her purse to the guard anxiously before he waved her past to join her friends.

She grabbed a map from the booth as they walked past, and opened it. She always adored staring at maps, from game treasure maps to museum maps. It seemed that fair maps were no different. She was the one in her household with the best sense of direction. “One of the good things I got from Dad,” she used to say.

“Where do we want to go first?” Tia asked. Lydia peered at the map over her shoulder.

“We should go to the game alley,” Liv suggested.

“We should go to the rides,” Lydia said, much louder, her finger jabbing at a spot on the map. “The Tornado is five tickets per ride, and I have enough for ten tickets for myself.”

They all agreed to ride The Tornado first. Tia led the group through the fair, marching through crowds of children waving balloon swords and college-aged people wielding corn dogs and cotton candy. The smell of fried fair food, combined with the bright colors of food stands and bright lights was almost disorienting, making her feel slightly nauseated.

They each purchased five tickets each from a ticket booth, so that they each had just enough for cookies from Sweet Martha’s Cookie Jar, and headed for The Tornado.

The ride took them soaring through the sky like birds. Tia couldn’t remember the last time she felt so much joy from a fair ride. That morning, she had been running through all of the bad things that could happen at the fair, but she has not yet experienced anything negative here. If anything, she felt like there was nowhere more fun than this place, this ride, with her friends.

After the ride finished, Tia dusted off her skirt and took out the map, still somewhat dizzy from the ride. The four friends decided to walk through the game alley, which was less than a minute away, despite the fact that they knew all of the games were rigged.

“Woah, look at that Enderman doll.” Tia pointed at the game stall that had dozens of Minecraft Endermen hanging from the ceiling. The sign stated that five wins on the game were required for the doll, and Tia frowned. How disappointing. It would take a miracle to win those rigged games. She knew that. Her eyes moved onto the next stall, and her eyes bugged out even wider. “And that stuffed cat!”

Tia hadn’t thought that coming to the fair would renew her love for stuffed animals. When she’d lived at her dad’s house, she’d collected at least two dozen stuffed animals, from hand-sized cats to a head-sized Totoro. After she’d left to live with her mom at age twelve, she’d left almost all of them there, and her collection was reduced to a single stuffed cheetah. Back then, she’d come to terms with the fact that she’d never get to rebuild that collection. But now that she was here, she felt a strong need to hold a stuffed animal.

Valerie giggled at Tia’s oohs and aahs as they passed through the game alley. "You know those things are scams, right?"

"I do know! We talked about them in math class two weeks ago," Tia said, pouting, but she felt just the tiniest bit blushy as Valerie poked at her.

Tia was the youngest--and shortest--of the group, and was considered the baby of the group. In all honesty, she didn't mind being babied. She was usually the one in charge, what with being the captain of the Robotics team, so being babies by her friends gave her a break from being the oldest and in charge.

The group stopped to talk about what they wanted to do with the rest of their time at the fair. They discussed spending some time at the animal farms (Tia insisted on visiting the horses, despite being allergic to them), and later on getting cookies from Sweet Martha’s.

Tia could see a bit farther down the game alley that there was a booth decorated with hundreds of variously-sized stuffed dogs hanging by their tails, far enough that Tia could barely see the balloon dart board. A sign against the wall read in all capital letters, 'POP FIVE BALLOONS TO WIN! ONE WIN FOR A SMALL DOG! THREE FOR A MEDIUM DOG! FIVE FOR A LARGE DOG!' Tia felt as if the sign was yelling at her, taunting her, telling her that she won’t get a dog.

“Look at how  big that dog is,” Tia murmured.

“What if two of us pretended they were dating and tried to trick the employee into giving us one?” Lov said, poking Tia’s shoulder. 

Lydia laughed. “You could try the ‘Oh babe, I don’t have enough to do the game’ thing, and if that doesn’t work, bribe him with this twenty,” Lydia said, taking out a twenty from her wallet.

“We should try,” Liv said. “Even if it doesn’t work. It’d be fun. Who wants to be the girlfriends?” Liv asked. “Not me.”

“I think I can,” Tia suggested nervously, shifting her weight between her feet. “After all, I’m the one who wanted the dog in the first place.”

“Alright, makes sense. Lydia? Valerie? Who’s the other girlfriend?” Liv asked.

“I vote Val,” Lydia said, raising her hand. “She’s the better theater kid, anyway.”

“Why not? You’re a theater kid, too,” Olivia said with a frown.

“Yeah, but I’m tech. Lights and sound and set, not acting.”

“Alright. I could probably play a better lesbian, what with actually being a lesbian,” Valerie said, looping her arm through Tia’s, making her cheeks heat up just a bit.

“So how do we do this?” Tia asked, trying to imagine the scenario. “Do I ask Val to win me a stuffed dog, and then she tells me she doesn't have enough to win me the dog? And then we ask the employee to give us one, and if  needed, we bribe him with the twenty?”

“Exactly.” Valerie said. As she straightened her shirt, she laughed. “We do make a cute couple, though, don’t we?” she asked, looking down at their outfits. Valerie was dressed in dark, torn jeans and a black shirt beneath a red flannel--despite the hot weather--paired with black lace-up boots, while Tia wore a flowy, pastel-pink skirt, a frilly white blouse, and her fluffy hair was held back with a soft pink headband. They looked a bit like every stereotypical goth-girl/soft-pastel-princess instagram or tumblr lesbian couple. You know the ones. One half of the couple looks like they never completely got out of their My Chemical Romance based emo phase, while the other dresses in the colors of cotton candy and looks about as intimidating as a marshmallow. That was Valerie and Tia.

"Alright," Liv said. "We probably shouldn't meet up back here after. We’re too close, and it'll be too suspicious if you go back the way you came."

"Let's meet back at The Tornado, then," Tia suggested. The rest of the group agreed.

“C’mon, honey,” Valerie said, her hand sliding down to clasp Tia’s, taking her by surprise. She usually didn’t mind holding hands with her friends, including Lydia and Liv, but for some reason, this made her feel like butterflies were fluttering around in her stomach.

Valerie led her closer to the booth, and Tia followed behind, recollecting her thoughts. As they neared the stall, Tia grew nervous. She clung to Valerie’s arm tighter, and she didn’t know if it was for the act, or if it was out of fear. Tia was known in the friend group for the worst poker face--which is why she chose to be an IB Visual Arts student instead of an IB Theater student like Lydia and Valerie--but hopefully Valerie, best poker face and theater gay, would make up for everything Tia lacked.

The employee, a thirty-five or forty-five year old man blowing up balloons for the dart board, didn’t look like he would fall for their act. He turned in their direction, and Tia turned to Valerie, putting on her best puppy dog eyes.

“Babe, can you pretty please win me that doggy?” Tia asked, pointing at one of the bigger dogs hanging from the roof of the game stall. She almost laughed at herself, wondering if she was overdoing it. She could see Liv and Lydia snickering out of the corner of her eye, just out of sight from the vendor.

“Sweetness, you know I would, but I suck at these fair games and I only have twenty dollars on me, and we want fair snacks later," Valerie said, squeezing Tia's hand and putting the other on her shoulder, speaking loudly enough for the vendor to hear but not so loud that it was obvious.

"But ba-abe," Tia whined, shaking her head so that her fluffy hair flew up. "It's so cute! Look at his little face. His nose is so cute!" She gestured to the giant stuffed dog again.

Valerie smiled, and Tia could tell she was trying to contain her laughter. What happened to Poker Faced Val? "I'll see what I can do, sweetheart," Val said, and Tia couldn't help but blush. Hopefully that had helped with their performance.

Valerie let go of Tia's hand and stepped closer to the booth. Tia observed, twirling her hips innocently and clutching her purse as Valerie addressed the vendor, who had been watching them fondly.

"Sir, do you suppose I'd be able to have that dog for my girlfriend?" Tia heard Valerie say, and she couldn't help but smile at that last word. The vendor smiled, but shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but you'd have to win this dart game five times," the vendor said. "You could win three times for a medium, and once for a small one."

Valerie sighed, and Tia leaned forward to listen more. "Sir, I don't have enough money or skill to win the dart game five times. I haven't been able to get my girlfriend anything yet at the fair, and I really really want this for her."

Tia tried hard not to laugh. Valerie was doing so very well. She smiled softly to disguise her amusement with adoration for her 'girlfriend' Valerie.

"Tia, baby."

She focused her attention back to the situation. Valerie was beckoning her to come over, and she skipped over quickly. Immediately, she slid her hand into Valerie's, and smiled up innocently at the booth's vendor.

"Hello," she said.

"Hello," the vendor said, a pleasant smile on his face.

"Sir," Valerie continued. "I do have twenty dollars on me. I'll buy the dog from you." She took the twenty dollars out of her pocket.

"Please sir?" Tia asked. The vender sighed and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, ladies, but I can't."

"How about for the medium-sized ones, sir?" Tia asked. The vendor shook his head again. "Small ones? Please?" Tia asked, staring into the eyes of one of the smaller dogs' eyes. It could fit in her hand.

"I'm sorry, ladies," he said.

"How much do you make, sir, as a vendor?" Valerie asked politely.

"I make eleven dollars per hour."

"You could have these twenty dollars, twice your hourly pay, in exchange for one tiny dog they won't even notice," Valerie said.

"I'm okay, thank you." His tone of voice had remained the same the whole time since they'd arrived. He was polite and calm, despite Valerie’s pushing.

"Sir, what is your name?" Valerie asked.

"Jared."

"Jared," Valerie said. "I have a proposal. I could give you this twenty dollar bill, and I could put in a good word for you, in exchange for a small dog."

"I can't do that, ladies," Jared the booth vendor said.

Tia sighed. This guy seemed awfully dedicated to his eleven-dollars-per-hour fair job, which was just over two dollars over minimum wage, and there seemed no point in trying more.

Valerie took a deep breath, and it seemed that, unlike Tia, she wasn't ready to give up just yet. "Sir, you, among many others, are underpaid in this capitalistic society." Jared chuckled. "These dogs are worth maybe--"

"Babe!" Tia said, tugging at Valerie's arm. "It's okay, I don't need the doggy." In addition to feeling as though nothing would break him, Tia was worried that maybe Jared had caught on, and she hated confrontation. She turned to the vendor. "Thank you for your time, sir."

She dragged Valerie away, bowing her head to appear sad and clinging onto her arm until they were definitely out of sight. The fake couple met up with Liv and Lydia by The Tornado, and they all started laughing.

"You two were quite a convincing couple," Liv remarked. "Shame he didn't give you a dog, though."

"Yeah. They were cute."

"You don’t have to hold hands anymore," Lydia pointed out.

Tia looked down and quickly removed her hand from Valerie’s. To be honest, she didn't even remember that she was holding her hand. She couldn't help but smile.

"Let's try again next year, yeah?" Valerie suggested, elbowing Tia gently. "Maybe then you'll have a better poker face. And we might be able to be a lot cuter."

“Alright, nerds, let’s go to Sweet Martha’s. I’m really craving some cookies,” Liv said. “Tia, lead the way!”

[stareyedmoonchild]

Marinette wiped the blood from the corner of her mouth and chuckled bittersweetly. As she looked into the toilet's continents she wondered how she let her feelings for Tim to get this far. It was never this bad when it came to Adrien.

Inside it, was a mix of blood stained daffodil and pink camellia petals. The first meaning unrequited love and the latter meaning longing for you. It was funny how the disease gave her flowers with these meanings.

"Marinette, you can't keep doing this. You know the longer you suppress your coughs, the worse they get. You need to see someone about this, or tell Time how you feel," Tikki said, worriedly from within her purse.

"You know I can't do that. Besides I'm sure these feelings will fade in no time," Marinette said, with a smile painted on her face.

"You've been saying that for three months now," Tikki countered.

If it were any other day, Tikki would have let it go but now it was serious. Her holder had been spending days and nights hacking up petals and for the past two weeks did the blood start appearing. It wasn't looking very good, because they both knew that if Marinette's feelings didn't disappear or reciprocated then it would would lead to her death. Sure, surgery was an option for its removal, but with it the feelings for that person would disappear. After being with Marinette for years now, Tikki knew she would never with the surgery. That means, her only options were to get over her feelings for the boy or tell him how she feels and hope he feels the same way.

Tikki watched as her holder coughed a few more times, and nearly panicked when a whole daffodils landed innocently into the bowl.

"Marinette plea-"

Tikki, never got to finish her sentence, when the door to the girls bathroom open.

"Marinette, I was sent to check in on you. Are you okay," Stephanie asked.

Her only response was a flush and the sound of one of the stalls unlocking. She watched at Marinette straightened her uniform, and moved toward the sinks to wash her hands. Stephanie gave her a quick once over, and took note of the stain on the collar of her white shirt.

"What happened," Stephanie demanded to know, rather than asked.

"Just a bad nosebleed is all."

Stephanie didn't by her lie, but decided not to pry and just let it be. She figured when Marinette was ready she would tell her. However, if she bothered to look into the stall Marinette came out of, she would have seen the lone blood stained, yellow petal that lay on the tiled white floor.

After that day, Marinette's condition continued to get worse. 

The first to find out about was her and Tim's best friend, Conner. Funny how he was always the first to find out things when it came to her.

"When did it start," he asked, worry dancing in his pretty blue eyes. 

It was an emotion that shouldn't have been there, and it made Marinette feel bad for being the one to give him it. She figured, the least she could do was be honest with him.

"Three months now. Going on four," she weazed, as she held a handkerchief to her mother as she coughed. When she removed it, the saw both a whole bloody camellia and Daffodil. 

He grabbed her by the shoulders and asked, "Why haven't you told anyone?!"

Shoving off his hands, she said, "It's not that big of a deal. Besides it's just a crush, and just like any other crush my feelings will disappear."

"I bet you've telling yourself that from the very beginning. It's been practically four months and nothing's changed! If anything they've gotten worse. Tell me, what are we going to do if one of us finds you dead in a heep of bloody flowers? How will your parents back in Paris react to the news that their only child died of suffocation," Conner said, by the end of his lecture he was full on balling.

Marinette did her best to hold in the petals, that were now consuming her lungs and airways, and she comforted her friend. Never once had she felt so hopeless. Not even when she decided to leave Paris after Hawkmoth's defeat, or when Lila completely turned her classmates against. No, this was a completely different scenario. Her best friend, and the strongest person she ever knew to walk the earth was crying and worried for her life. 

That day, Conner spent the night at her place. He held her hair as she coughs into the toilet, gave her clean handkerchiefs when the one she was using got too bloody, and even cooked for her. This boy was always too good for the world he was brought into, in her opinion.

The next person, well, persons, to find out was Tim's family. 

She went over to the Wayne Manor, to drop off some case reports for Tim. However, when she arrived Dick was the one who opened the door and told her that Tim had an "appointment" he had to go to. Suddenly, he was pushed out of the way and instead, Jason stood before her. Next thing she knew, was one minute she was outside on the doorstep and the next she was seated on the couch with Damian next to her as Jason was about to insert a movie into the DVD player.

"Look, I really should get going," she said, as she felt a wave of coughs coming up.

"Forget it Pixie Pop. We haven't seen you in forever and it's movie night. Damian got to pick, so I hope your good with scary, gory movies," Jason said.

Just as he was going to give a rundown of the movie, Marinette couldn't hold it in anymore. The two in the room quickly surrounded her not knowing what to do. Then Dick came in with a bowl of popcorn, that ended up on the floor. He ran to her side and began to rub comforting circles on her back. 

"Alfred," Dick yelled.

Surely he would know what to do.

"Who the hell, is it," Jason asked, with an edge to his tone.

Dick just looked at him, this wasn't the time for such questions. 

"Don't look at him like that Grayson. Don't deny that you want to know too," Damian said, monotonously.

"Damian."

Damian attention was drawn to his father who stood next to Alfred who already had the tools he needed to remove the disease. It turns out it wasn't his first time operating with someone in this condition.

"Father, I-," Damian began, but was silent when his father shook his head and made his way toward Marinette. 

Bruce crouched down to height, and noted the tail of blood from the corner of lips, and amount of bloodied petals and flowers that now decorated his carpet. He wonders just how long this has been going on, and how much pain she must be in. He considered it a miracle that she was even alive at this point.

"You don't have to go through with it. I want you to know that, however, I advise that you do. From the looks of it, it won't be long until you," Bruce said, tailing off towards the end.

It takes a genius to know what he was implying. 

"Thank you Bruce, but no thank you," she said.

This earned her a loud, "what," from the three young males in the room. They couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that she wouldn't accept the surgery. They could see she was in pain, and now looking at her, when was the last time see got a good night's sleep or a proper meal?! The boys were even more confused when Bruce simply nodded his head, and looked to Alfred.

After nodding his head, Alfred said, "If you follow me miss Marinette, I'll give you some remedies that will help with the pain."

"Thank you Alfred."

Just as she was about to leave with Alfred, she paused and said, "It's Tim."

"I'll kill that little fucker."

"Damian!"

"You can't stop me this time, Father!"

"Don't worry, I'll help this time Demon Spawn."

"Jason!"

"Fuck off Brucie!"

When Tim got home, he was on cloud nine. He and Seph had been going out for a while now, and it was all thanks to Marinette. If she hadn't been there to encourage him and help him plan the first date, who knows what might have been.

His was on such a high that l, he didn't feel the disappoint stare from Dick as he held back Damian, or Bruce practically drag Jason's out cold body to the Batcave. Hell, he didn't even notice that Alfred didn't even greet him at the door.

"Let go of me Grayson!"

Tim's attention was now drawn toward his oldest and youngest brother. 

Raising an eyebrow, he asked, "what's his problem?"

Now that seemed to set off Damian even more. 

"What's my problem?! You funcking bastard! Honestly, she could've done so much better than to choose your sorry ass to give her heart to! Now... Now she's suffering and you haven't even taken the time to notice it. She's put aside her feelings for you and helped you so many times. Not just with your love life but with cases, homework, team ups, and even making sure you eat. You don't... You don't deserve her," Damian said, no longer squirming to be released from Dick's hold.

"Wait. What," Tim asked, not really processing what what happened.

Dicked just sighed, and said, "Just go to your room Tim."

"But-"

"I SAID GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

That caught Tim off guard. It was rare to see Dick angry, but he knew it was best to stand clear.

Realizing what he just did, Dick apologized saying that it's been a long day. Tim nodded, but had a bad feeling. A feeling that this day was a warning of something that was to come.

Two weeks later, the news spread that Marinette was in the hospital. When Tim heard this, he felt his heart shatter into thousands of little pieces.  

"What's this about Marinette being in the Hospital," Tim asked Conner.

To say he was worried was an understatement. However, when Conner couldn't even look him in the eyes, he quickly ran out of the school's doors and got onto his car. Once he was able to find out what hospital she was checked into, he threw all traffic laws out the window. He needed to get to his best friend, and fast. 

In that one day, nearly caused six different accidents. When he got to the hospital, he didn't even bother with properly parking the car. He just left in front of the entrance, engine running, and dashed inside. Screw it if his car gets stolen.

He didn't bother with reception, he went straight to her room. He ignored the yells from the nurses, and the smell of chemicals as he ran. His mind was focused simply on Marinette.

Finally finding her room, he all but threw the door open. Inside her room was his family, all with solemn faces. In the middle was Marinette, surrounded with bloody flowers and petals, meanwhile in her hand was a whole bloody pink camellia.

"Marinette," he said.

Bruce stood up, and placed a hand on Damian's shoulder to stop him from lashing out at Tim. Meeting Tim's gaze, Bruce said, "We'll give you two some space."

"Hey," she said, tiredly.

"Hey," he responded, as he pulled up a chair next to her bed.

"It's not as bad as it looks," she said, and another wave of vicious coughs took control of her.

Tim could only watch helplessly as blood, petals and flowers brush out from within her. 

"Have you talked to Ivy yet," he asked, when she was done.

"Yeah, turns out when it comes to these kinds of things her powers have affect. Kind of sucks to be honest," she said, in between some light coughs.

"Tim."

"Yeah, Mari," he asked. 

Was it just him or was she gasping for air?

"I don't have a lot of time left," she said, in between gasps.

"Mari..."

Tears were beginning to for in his eyes. He could stop them from staining his cheeks as the ran down his face.

"Please listen. None of this is your fault. It's not your fault."

"Mari, please..."

'Why is her breathing becoming more spaced out? God, no. Please, dont. Please, don't take her. Not today. Not any day soon,' Tim thought.

"I love you. You need to know that," Marinette said taking in a few more breaths before fell limp.

"Mari? Come on Mari this isn't funny. Wake up, please. Mari? Marinette? Marinette," Tim called out to her but received no reply, much less a reaction.

He then fell out of his chair, and his knees. Both his hands clasped tightly round the hand that held one big, bloody pink camellia. 

On that day, Tim cried like he never cried before. Meanwhile, outside the halls his family weren't holding up any better.

Over the course of a week, a small memorial was held at the school. Her parents and close friends and family attended the funeral. Upon all the guest that arrived, Tim was the last to leave.

As he stared at the stone, he suddenly felt a cough scratch at the back of his throat. Removing his hand from his mouth, he found the petals of purple hyacinth and forget-me-not.

'I'm sorry, and true love,' he thought, bittersweetly.

Looking up to the gray sky of Gotham City, she whispered, "So this is heartache. I miss you Mari."

Send me a number!

Flowers and their meanings here!

[hanaridulsetcheese]

Find Yourself

~ Stray Kids

Note: Takes place two days after Double Knot was released.

~~~

Reader's POV

I was so nervous, my hands were shaking and I couldn't breathe normally. Today was my first evaluation with Park Jinyoung PD nim. This would decide if I get to carry on as a JYP trainee.

My chances of staying were not that high to begin with, I was the youngest trainee in JYP and I only specialised in dance. My voice wasn't that good, my singing was average and my rap was bad. I only had dance to rely on, I was sure I would be sent home but I wasn't going to leave without a fight.

I was currently in the practice room, doing the cover of Stray Kids sunbaenim's new song Double Knot. The choreography was tough, but that's what I liked about it, if you got it right then it looked perfect.

I was the only one of the trainees who dared to perform one of the newest songs in the company, many chose to perform a song that was full proof and well known, in my case, Double Knot was just released two days ago. I heard that Stray Kids were still mixing up the choreography for the song.

I pushed myself of the floor and put the music on again, taking my place and waited for the music to start. The beginning was the most difficult because it was made for the nine members to perform, not a solo artist.

I tried my best to improvise for this part so it looked part of the choreography but eventually just ended up doing Bang Chan's move where we was on the floor in the beginning.

As the song played, I had the video of thier practice in my head and followed along with the moves, closing my eyes and letting the music take over my body, carrying out the moves.

When ever I danced, my eyes were always closed and I did what came to mind, that's how I auditioned, I don't know what moves I did but apparently it was as bad as I thought it would be and Park Jinyoung accepted me.

When the chorus part of the song came, I focused on the lyrics and the video playing in my head and did the moves, hoping it didn't look sloppy. I never really saw how I dance but people always told me I was good so I took their word for it.

When the song ended, I fell to the floor, panting heavily and looked at myself in the mirror, I expected to see only myself in the mirror but I was met with nine other people staring at me through the mirror, they were none other than Stray Kids themselves.

I got up of the floor and faced them, my face grew hotter as I looked at them.

"Annyeonghaseyo oppas. " I bowed to them.

"Annyeonghaseyo. " the all greeted me. They all smiles at me as I looked awkwardly at them. I've been here for two months but this was the first time I met them, or any idol for that matter.

"What's your name kid? " Lee Know asked.

"I'm (Y/L/N) (Y/N). " I said shyly.

"You got quite some moves there, are you planning on becoming a trainee? " Bang Chan asked.

"I- I'm already a trainee. "

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. It's just that we met all the trainees and we don't remember meeting you- " they all looked at each other.

"It's okay, I never associated myself with the other trainees or idols, I always stayed in the dorms or here. " I told them.

"That's not nice, you should go out and socialise. " Han said, looking at me with sad eyes.

"I can't. I'm not good at socialising. " you look down at your feet.

"We can help. " Woojin says.

"Thank you, but no thanks. I couldn't ask you guys to do that for me, after all, I might be going home after today. "

"What why?! " they all looked at me shocked.

"I don't really have any talents. I can't sing or rap and my dance isn't that good. "

"You are such a good dancer, what you just did there was amazing, some of us can't dance like that. " Felix says.

"You're just being nice. " I told him.

"I'm not kidding, we all took so long to learn this dance and you learnt it like what? Two days? You executed the dance out perfectly. "

"Was I really that good? " I asked, hopeful.

"Yes you were. Why don't you believe that? " Hyunjin asked.

"I never actually saw myself dance, I have this thing where I close my eyes while in dance. I've been dancing since I was six and I never saw myself dance. " you told them.

"Well your missing out something great, you have do much talent for someone so young. " Changbin said.

"There's no way Park Jinyoung PD nim would send you home. " Jeongin said, he gave me his signature dimpled smile.

"When do you have to perform it for him? " Seungmin asked.

"In- " I checked my phone, "two hours. "

"You shouldn't be over working yourself, the performance was perfect, you should rest now. " Bang Chan said.

"I can't rest, I feel like there is something missing. " I told him.

"How about you do it one more time, but this time you do it with your eyes open. Maybe you find that something missing. " Lee Know said.

"I-I could try. " I said. My nerves were over the roof, it's one thing doing the moves alone but when you have the creators of the dance watching you, it's a whole other feeling.

Hyunjin played the song and I took a deep breath in, getting ready.

Almost immediately my eyes closed and I began to do Bang Chan's part.

"Eyes open! " one of them yelled over the music, I slowly opened my eyes and looked at my self in the mirror, still doing the dance moves.

It felt weird watching myself as I danced, but it felt good. My moves were sharp and precise, when the chorus hit that's when I realised what was missing, I missed the sights I saw while dancing, seeing the different parts of the room, seeing the nine smiling faces of Stray Kids watching me.

I smiled as I danced, watching my moves in the mirror, feeling the energy of the song take over me. I was ready to face Park Jinyoung and make him see that I was worthy of staying.

I finished of the song with Lee Know's move and smiled at myself. The was the sound of clapping behind me and I turned around and I saw Hyunjin holding up his phone, on a FaceTime with Park Jinyoung.

"Park Jinyoung PD nim, annyeonghaseyo. " I bowed to him, speechless.

"Well down (Y/N). That was the best dance performance I have ever seen. You're clear to carry in training with JYP, congratulations. I would like to see you in my office at five tonight. " he said.

"Of course sir, I'll be there. Thank you so much. " I bowed again.

"I have great plans for you (Y/N). " he smiled and cut the call.

I stood there in the middle of the practice room, speechless, staring at the nine idols who were busy smiling at me. Before I could comprehend anything, they all tackled me in a group hug, I couldn't life and deny the fact that my heart fluttered as the hugged me.

"We knew you could do it! "

"I can't believe you called Park Jinyoung. What if my performance was bad?! "

"But it wasn't, you heard him, you have talent. Don't be so hard in yourself. " Lee Know told me.

"I can't thank you guys enough for this. " You smiled at them.

"You can thank us by allowing us to take you out for ice cream? " Woojin said.

"I can't do that, I'm on a diet- "

"You're allowed to have one cheat day since you're so young. Let that day be today. " Seungmin said.

"Okay I guess. " I said and walked out with them.

"Since you're in the clear now, maybe you could start socialising more with the other trainees. " Felix said.

"I'm too shy to talk to anyone. " I admitted.

"We can help with that. We kind of have experience taking people out if their shells. " Changbin said, gesturing to Jeongin who blushed.

"Okay fine, but- "

"No buts except yours on the social bus. " Han said.

"Thanks guys. "

The rest of the night was spent fooling around with Stray Kids. They were so much of fun to be with. They told you stories if their trainee days and how it was like before they were put together.

At the end of the day, they walked you to your firm and you thanked them for the day.

"Thank you guys for helping me, if it wasn't for you guys I would be a nervous wreck right now having to perform in front of Park Jinyoung. "

"You're welcome (Y/N). Just remember not to push yourself so hard. " Jeongin said.

"And go out and make some friends. " Hyunjin said.

"I will, goodnight guys. "

You walked away into your dorms, pushing the button on the elevator and waited for it to come.

You heard laughing and turned around to see some of your dorm mates walking in the lobby.

"Hey (Y/N). " Sana, the oldest in your dorm greeted.

"Hey guys. How was evaluation? "

"It was great, Park Jinyoung cleared us, you? "

"Same here. "

"That's awesome. " Haneul, the third oldest said. "Say (Y/N), do you want to hangout with us at the rooftop? The rest of the girls are gonna be there. "

"I would love to. " you smiled, thinking about what Stray Kids told you.

They wanted you to break out if your shell and find yourself, and that's what you were going to do.

[19mrs-barnes17]

As Long As I Can Get - Chapter Four: Secrets Spill

Summary: A celebration has arrived and along with it some uncovered secrets that make tensions rise.

Part: 4/5

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader (AU)

Warnings: arguing, mentions of loss/suffering

Word count: 3,093

A/N: Thanks to @wxntersoldiers​ for beta reading! Enjoy a new chapter!

~

Her heart was racing in her chest. She couldn’t believe what her instincts were telling her to do. She couldn’t kiss him. Not when they had finally begun repairing their friendship, when she was already confused about how to operate within their friendship. No need for any further complication.

And yet she could feel herself leaning in, he was doing the same. Their lips were inches from one another and she was doing everything in her power to reign in the hormones pushing her closer. 

Even worse was that she wasn’t at all trying to stop herself. Not even a little. She really wanted to close the gap but her fear prevented her from being the one to do it. Part of her hoped he had the courage because she was becoming desperate to know the taste of his kiss.

When he suddenly backed away her heart felt like a crack had run through it, but a small part of her was thankful for his restraint. 

“I…” Bucky backed toward the door, panic evident in his features. He was afraid of ruining everything too.

“Buck-”

“I’ll see you at your party.” He was out the door before she could contradict him. She watched as he crossed the street, pausing to look up at her window before ducking into his home. 

Well that was a major disaster. 

Her focus began to intensify after that incident, working extra shifts and avoiding the diner for a few days. She couldn’t quite face his meddling sister after nearly kissing him and knowing full well it wouldn’t have ended there. Going through her daily motions kept her mind off of him and improved her productivity.

Steve helped her move all her things back into her room and took her camera to develop the photo for her. Though she was in an emotional mess she still wanted to have that photo, even if it ended up being the last.

When she received the pictures she bought two frames and wrapped one up before heading to the diner.

“Hey Mama Barnes, I’ve got a present for you.” Her eyes lit up as she grabbed a hold of the paper covered frame.

“Oh sweetheart you shouldn't have.” When she saw the photo inside the frame she became blubbery and covered her mouth as tears slipped down her cheeks. 

“Aw, no. No tears.” Y/N chuckled softly, wrapping an arm around the woman who rested her head on Y/N’s shoulder. 

It was in that moment she noticed that Bucky was sitting at the counter a few stools down, features softened as he gazed at his mother. His eyes became confused as he locked onto her eyes, almost conflicted. As if he had a billion thoughts and emotions rushing through him that he didn’t know how to handle.

“I hate to cut this short but I do have a shift to get to, just wanted to make sure you got that before I forgot.” 

“Of course love, you take care now. We’ll see you Saturday for the party, but don’t be a stranger.” She gave her a hug before heading to the door.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Can’t stay away from the Winnifred Barnes’ cooking for too long or I’ll go through withdrawal.” Bucky smiled softly at this, her eyes lingering on him a moment before walking out. 

~

He watched her make her way to her car, mind screaming at him for pulling away from her again. But fear always seemed to be the winning contender. 

“I could smack you James Buchanan Barnes.” His mother stood across the counter giving him the sternest look he’d seen on her face in a long time. 

“I know. It’s like I can’t win with her. Every time I get close something scares the hell out of me and I run away.” His voice catches in his throat as his eyes begin to tear up, his mother’s features soften.

“C’mon tell your mama about the girl you love.” At this his eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

“How did you know I was beginning to have feelings for her?” His mother chuckled softly before placing the picture before him and motioning to where his eyeline was focused.

“Because you have been looking at her like that for over a decade. And she had been doing the same.” 

“What?” 

“But that’s for her to explain, not me. Now Tell me what’s the matter with you?” His brow furrowed at her question, unsure how to proceed. “Why aren’t you chasing after her, kissing her, loving her freely?”

“Because I can’t risk letting her suffer like you did.”

~

“Are all these decorations and lights really necessary? Seems like a fire hazard.” Her mother nodded, eyes watching her father string up a banner along the loft.

“Well you try talking your father out of these things, see how far you get.” Y/N chuckled softly as her father lost his end of the banner and used some colorful language.

“Now that is a challenge.” 

“Ah, James dear! It’s good to see you after so long. So glad you made it.” Her mother hugged him tightly before pointing over to where her father was on the ladder. “Would you mind helping him get that banner up? He’s making me nervous up there on that thing.”

“Sure thing. This is for you.” He handed a bag to Y/N before heading toward her father. 

“How sweet.” Her mother smirked as her eyes flickered between the two. “I’m glad you two are repairing things, you had the strongest bond when you were younger.”

It wasn’t long before Steve showed up with a gift and the cake, and you chastised your dad for turning your friends into laborers. To which Bucky countered that his job was already hard labor and this was hardly it. Her dad smiled triumphantly at that and walked off to do a final check before everyone else arrived. 

“Don’t amp up his ego please, the man already thinks he’s the king of parties. We don’t need him thinking he’s always right.” Her mother almost choked on her lemonade before erupting into a fit of laughter.

“Ouch, you may be daddy’s little girl but you definitely have your grandmother in you.” Y/N clutched her chest and gasped, eyes wide in shock.

“Oh you take that back.” 

“She can’t take back what’s true.” Y/N threw one of her flats at Steve who ducked just in time and stuck out his tongue. 

“You met her one time Rogers, we had years of experience.” Y/N almost fell out of her chair at the sight of her oldest brother.

“Nathan!” She had him in a hug within seconds, his laughter vibrating through his chest. “When did you get back?” 

“Last night, I’m here for the party but then I’ve got to get driving to make it for a shift tomorrow.” She made a pout with her lips and he shoved her playfully. “Where did your shoe even go.”

“The ether. Or Steve stole it.” 

“You’re only saying that because you’re holding it behind your chair.” Y/n gasped and Bucky narrowed his eyes at Steve before moving to stand and holding the shoe out of reach. 

“What kind of friend are you?” Steve smirked and shrugged while Y/N jumped for her shoe and smack Bucky’s chest.

“The kind that stays it would seem.” Y/N slowly fell back onto her heels, Bucky handing her shoe over before walking toward the other end of the barn where people were beginning to congregate.

“Not cool dad.” Y/N stormed off after him and her brother shook his head.

“If you want her to still show up to Sunday night dinners then you probably shouldn’t ruin the most important relationship to her, on her birthday.” Nathan placed a hand on his dad’s shoulder before heading over to the gift table to drop off his present.

“Especially since you’re part of the reason it ended in the first place. No offense.” Steve made his way to Y/N’s mother and offered his assistance with whatever she needed.

Bucky was hidden amongst hay bales in a corner of the barn, too lost in thought to notice Y/N making her way to him through the hay until she tripped. She fell on top of him, smacking her face into his chest and very nearly kneeing him in the nethers. 

“As graceful as ever.” She smacked his chest and propped herself up, eyes locking onto his. “And just as beautiful.”

“Are you ever gonna tell me why you keep running away?” Bucky sighed, brushing a strand of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. “The real reason you cut me out?”

“Yes.” She was not expecting that answer and he noticed as much. “But not on your birthday, okay?”

“Then can we talk about how you won’t kiss me?” Her eyes couldn’t make contact as she spoke, but when she finished she locked eyes with him. He looked startled by the question and she instantly regretted asking it. She pushed herself off of him and sat on a hay bale, refusing to make eye contact as he stood up.

“It’s the same reason.” 

“Can’t deal or too scared?” He froze as she met his gaze, and she swore she could see the pain hidden in his eyes.

“Terrified.”

The party was going by in a blur and her focus kept getting stolen by Bucky, she couldn’t help but wonder what had him so afraid that he couldn’t tell her. So terrified to keep her close that he pushed her away. 

While he had stayed in the barn he still kept a bit of distance, hanging around his family once they had arrived. She felt crazy for still wanting him by her side, but she let him have his distance for now. 

~

“Now I really am going to smack you child.” His mother was chastising him about running from facing his fears again. “It breaks my heart to see you so crippled by the fear that man instilled in you when he had no right to do so. You never should have had that on your conscience.”

“It’s too late to change the past ma, I’m just trying to at least keep her in my life to some degree.” 

“You might want to try a little harder.”

“If I try any harder I’m going to fall completely in love with her and drag her down with me. And that’s just selfish.”

Bucky watched her greet every guest, pausing to grab people drinks, all around ensuring everyone was having a good time and taken care of. She wasn’t even trying to fill the role of host, nor was it entirely out of obligation since the party was for her. It was because being kind and taking care of others was in her nature, always had been and always would be. 

Whereas his nature had become so different from his childhood and teenage suave that he hardly recognized himself. He was reserved and closed off, but sometimes this was a blessing in disguise. It let him do exactly what he was doing now, observing. It’s how he knew she was a perfect fit for their trio after her first day in school.

His mother watched as he began to walk off as the cake was being served, her heart heavy at the sight. A sad smile on her lips as she watched Y/N stop him before he made it to the door.

He froze in his tracks when he felt a hand grip, his heart racing when he realized whose it was. Her eyes watched him cautiously as he turned around with a surprised expression, a smile stretching across her face. He was dead certain that if she asked him to do anything he’d be unable to say no to her, he was entranced by her smile and the feeling of their intertwined fingers.

“Where are you going, Barnes? You owe a girl a dance.” She led him with zero resistance to the dance floor where couples had begun to sway along to the music. 

Her arms wrapped around his neck and his hands sat on her waist as they began to sway, his heart refusing to calm with how close she was moving to him. She moved his hands to the small of her back and he couldn’t seem to resist. Everything in him was screaming not to fall, not to be trapped by her presence. But he had no control. 

The moment she shifted to rest her head on his chest he knew he was doomed, the content smile on her face putting a similar one on his as he held her. He was beginning to think dangerously. Beginning to wonder if it didn’t matter about time.

“Sorry about my dad earlier. I don’t know where that came from and it was out of line.” She tilted her head back to look into his eyes. “He’s been weird since he saw the picture in my room.”

“Your room?” 

“Steve had free reign to put it up anywhere but the bathroom.” She chuckled and shook her head as her eyes found him in the room. “He saw it and seemed surprised and then worried. It was strange.”

The song ended and he led her out of the barn, nerves spiking as he put a little distance between them and the party. 

“We need to talk.”

“I am slightly worried by your tone, but proceed.” He took a deep breath and looked her dead in the eye. 

“I know I said I wouldn’t tell you on your birthday but I can’t hold it in any longer or I’m going to burst.” She nodded and he took her hands in his, hoping they gave him the courage he required. “The reason I began to push you out of my life is because I was afraid.”

“I know that.”

“But you don’t know why I was afraid. Am afraid.” Her features were beginning to be overtaken by worry, her head tilting to the side. “Not long after my father died, your dad came to talk to me outside the diner.”

“What?”

“He told me about the disease that killed my dad and how it was passed genetically.”

“Bucky…” Her voice was small and terrified, he cupped her cheek in his hand.

“It isn’t a guarantee, there is a 50/50 shot that I have inherited it and even then the symptoms don’t show until later. Most are diagnosed between the ages 30 to 50.” He wiped a tear from her cheek before continuing, “Your dad warned me to think about you, about the fact that it could be a possibility and should I stay in your life… you would have to watch me slowly wither away like we did with my dad. I remember watching him slowly lose every ability until he could hardly swallow and I thought I would rather lose you than put you through that.”

“What about Steve? And your family? They get to be held close and enjoy the time they have but I get cut short?” She took a step back wiping the tear streaks from her cheeks. 

“That’s why I left entirely, to ease the pain.”

“But you came back and still let them all in, kept contact even if it was minimal.” He took a step toward her and she took another back.

“Because they’ve all lost people. They’ve handled it before. You… you were untouched, not losing anyone before their time. I wanted to save you some of the pain.”

“You broke my heart. How is that any better? At least losing you that way I would have still had you in my life and I could have said goodbye. The way you cut me off? I lost you but I also watched you live your life without me. And it hurt so bad to see that you could live without me and still be happy. I know that’s selfish, but so is deciding what I can handle without consulting me.”

“Y/N... “ He could feel the tear slip down his cheek but he didn’t care, his heart was tearing itself apart from guilt and heartbreak. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to put you in the position my mother was in.”

“What?”

“Remember what I said when you asked why I ran? Why I couldn’t let myself give in and kiss you?” This time when he took a step forward she stayed where she was. “I can’t let myself pull you in when it could end so horribly. I can’t put someone I love through that if I can help it.”

Bucky began to walk away but the sound of her voice halted him in his steps, the shake of her words like a cut.

“Did you ever stop to think that you had no control over that? I’d still be losing you, just from a distance.” She didn’t even wait to watch him walk away, there were only so many times she could stomach that. 

Her dad stood in the doorway waiting with an expression dripping with guilt, but she simply walked past him. She understood why he did what he did, out of fear just like Bucky, but it would take time for her to forgive. Her brother helped her to pack the gifts into her car so that she didn’t have to linger any longer than she had to.

When everything shut down she hugged her brother goodbye and slid into the driver’s seat before pulling away from the most emotional birthday party she’s ever had.

And he never left her mind.

~

When he reached his townhouse her car was parked on the street but her lights were off, either she went to sleep or she went out on foot. Either way she wouldn’t want to talk to him after today, which had already caused him to debate leaving again. Seeing her around town would hurt like hell, but at least then he’d still see her. 

After all he’d lost, the thought of losing her forever was just another weight he’d have to bear on his shoulders. He hardly slept that night, tossing and turning until he couldn’t take it any longer.

Only when his eyes found the North Star did he begin to relax, his father’s voice reminding that he wasn’t alone. Somehow he knew he could make it right.

He wasn’t going to leave her again.

~

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