#why is this fic so long it's so niche nobody will care WHAT HAVE I DONE.

[meownotgood]

DRAFT FOR THE FIRST CHAPTER IS DONE!!!!!! WHHEEWW '!!!!!

[arrowfleur]

✩‧₊˚ Redacted HC’s ✩‧

I’ve been pretty shit at writing and posting this past year, which is crappy because I enjoy it so I wanted to do something that was less pressure than writing fics but could still make people happy. I’ve put every main redacted couple - plus a few extras - on a spin wheel and will be writing a long list of HC’s each day depending on who I get :)

Anyways, Part 1: Lasko and Dear

Dear loves thrifting but they didn’t want to take Lasko with them at first in case he found something they wanted, before they did. Now they borrow each others clothes so it wouldn’t matter anyway.

When they eventually took him he spent the entire time trying to find things they liked.

Dear has two toned hair

Lasko has never stopped thinking that dear is the coolest person to ever walk the earth, ever.

Sometimes dear wears colour contacts for fun

Both of them have a pocket watch on a chain

For their first anniversary Dear bought Lasko a locket, with a picture of the entire Damn Squad in it.

He added a photo of them to the other side

Dear has pet rats, they take such good care of them and their cage is huge

Lasko was slightly weary at first but he warmed up to them pretty well

Dear is very good at fixing things.

One of the first times they went to his apartment, his Ac broke. Dear just calmly listened to his apologetic rant about it before asking where the toolbox was.

Dear has tattoos behind their ears

Lasko is very good at saving but he’s not tight and always tries to pay for the whole table.

Very rarely has he succeeded

Dear has a collection of paper boy hats.

Lasko wears earmuffs when it’s cold because he always gets earaches

Dear has curled their hair with coke cans before

They love old black and white movies

Lasko likes really crappy b-movies

Can’t be let down if you know it’s going to be bad before it starts

Dear can keep up very well with Damien’s academic discussions and sometimes debates him just for the sake of it. Damien enjoys the challenge.

Dear is not the biggest Christmas enjoyer but this year they’re looking forward to it.

Lasko has booked a couple of Christmas markets for them

Dear HATES the idea of a cruise. Not because of the ocean but because they can’t get off the boat once it sets off.

Lasko always takes those little pots of jam and the little shampoo/conditioner bottles whenever he goes to a hotel

Neither of them can ice skate well whatsoever

Lasko has and will continue to use those little penguins meant for children. Dear finds it fucking hilarious all while they’re clinging to the side of the rink themselves

They share grandpa jumpers

When they first started dating, dear would pretend to forget their lanyard so that lasko would have to go down and let them in.

They both wear lots of rings and love playing with each others hands

Lasko used to wear those fake glasses from Claire’s

Dear is so casually flirty with Lasko that he thought it was just their personality at first

That’s why they eventually just had to go into his office and straight up ask him out

Dear kisses Lasko’s nose often, especially when they’re saying goodbye to each other or he’s severely overthinking

Dear really enjoys those mugs that change colour when you put hot water in them

Lasko has an entire cupboard dedicated to board games

Dear was delighted

Dear reads random niche comics and webtoons

And they have a lot of figurines

Lasko is an unsweetened oat milk enjoyer!!

Dear inhales food like it’s nobody’s business

It doesn’t last five minutes on their plate

They also never get indigestion

Their go-to cocktail is an old fashioned

Lasko hates it

Dear will simply repeat what Lasko says in a teasing tone to fluster him

Or they’ll just randomly start acting like the weirdest story is sexy.

‘And then he, he told me they’d have to charge me more for these stupid tires that I didn’t even ask for!’

‘ and what did you say? 😏

‘Well I- I told him,

‘ did you stick up for yourself? 😏😏

‘ well I told him I wasn’t going to pay for it’

*dear looking him up and down’

‘Good job, I don’t like it when other play dirty with you’

And they’re making out, Lasko doesn’t know how they do it they just have a way. It literally doesn’t even make sense.

Lasko’s hair grows incredibly quick. He shaves ALOT.

His skins is also so beautiful, it’s so soft and clear and glowy.

Dear has acne scars and they do little skincare nights together but Lasko thinks they’re HOT AS FUCK

Okay that’s all, also my proof that I got these guys first

[npdzane]

I think the fandom of Ninjago should talk about Zane's fear of losing his humanity and his fear of any negative emotion in general. And how they contradict each other.

(warning, yap sesh ahead) TLDR: can nindroids get therapy? If so we need 5 therapists for Zane immediately

It's already established that Zane has a fear of being seen as just a machine, nothing but a freezer with fake coded emotions. But I haven't seen anyone talk in depth how he seems to turn off his emotions whenever he's faced with grief or stress, and how he only learnt to not do that far into his life.

He probably picked up that habit from when Dr. Julien turned off his memory switch before "dying" back in season 1. And he realized that if he went so long not feeling bad about the "death" of his creator by simply not remembering it or not having the actual emotion of grief, he wouldn't feel bad either when anything similar happened if he just turned off his emotions like Dr. Julien did to him.

The fact this lasted as long as it did meant nobody picked up on it* and tried to tell him he was wrong. Which only validated that idea because if there was a problem with it, someone would've told him..right?

But how can you say you don't want to lose your sense of humanity as a robot while simultaneously doing something humans can't whenever you're faced with stress? I'd say he'd overthink it, and feel guilty about not being honest with himself. He knows hes being irrational, but hes still terrified of the thought of no one seeing him as a person.

But at the same time, he's never been taught how to face stress by himself. Only for other people. It's not like he just doesn't know that ignoring your feelings is a way to avoid the problem and a bad coping mechanism, he obviously knows that. He probably just doesn't know any other solutions because his situation is so niche.

Because how could anyone not want what he has? In his position, he probably feels as if everyone would kill to be a nindroid. Since nobody tells him otherwise. We even see clips where the others use Zane's robot body as a joke or in one case, use him as a fucking cleaning robot. Can you imagine how dehumanizing it must feel for someone to be forced against their will like a puppet into doing a weeks worth of chores?

Zane probably feels as if his fears are irrational. Like he shouldn't have them because being a nindroid seems to be the only thing that others care about when they see him. He's a logical person for sure, but everyone has irrational thoughts and unless you face the reason you have those thoughts they aren't going to go away and they'll cloud your judgement. Zane, for sure, is not doing that. Because we can see he just simply forces himself to stop having emotions when they happen instead of facing them, which only fixes it temporarily.

So hes afraid of being seen as just a freezer with fake emotions (i have more to say about the "fake emotions" part), and because he doesn't face his feelings about why hes afraid of that he lets himself believe that is how people see him. Which causes him to think that fear is stupid and that he shouldn't have it, which makes him turn off his emotions for a while, and the cycle continues.

He also might believe his emotions arent needed. Like maybe at some point he convinces himself that if everyone else only sees him as a calculator with ice powers, maybe that's what he actually is. So on top of everything, he feels like since hes only a computer, all his emotions are fake. Therefore unnecessary.

Not to mention he most likely feels as if he's weak for letting Vex manipulate him. And emotions = weak, weak = manipulated again, manipulated again = letting everyone down. But thats just a little thought i had to let out.

If i could write I'd probably make a fic about him being confronted by this fear, but until then it'll stay in my brain.

Poor boy. Just look at him. He doesn't deserve this bro AUUGIGUGJGJGGHHGHHHH IM AUTISTIC ����

Edit: *i rewatched crystalized today and realized the other ninja ARE aware of Zanes habit. They just dont gaf 😭WHICH MAKES IT WORSE!!!

[codename-adler]

my niche take (not for canon tho): i quite dislike the wildly popular hc that andrew has tons of piercings… it just doesn’t seem… right? it would fit his style (?) and personality for sure but i just can’t help feeling like he would never? do that? i think the same of tattoos but that bothers me a little less…

ah, this is gonna get me sent to sleep with da fishes...

i am of the same opinion. (i would like to stress here, opinion)

my opinion stems both from personal experience and canon characterization, and it has nothing to with aesthetics. of course, of course, tiny emo beef boy would rock tattoos and piercings. he canonically wears all-black, smokes, wields knives and listens to soul asylum. of course.

however, so much of Andrew's traumas, trauma responses and PTSD are based in physicality.

first, Andrew did not own his body, it being abused and abused and abused, by people he trusted, and people he didn't. the 'trust' part didn't matter; his body was abused. he learned the lesson and kept guard of his body rigidly, tirelessly, violently (the lesson he thought there was; there is no lesson to get from child SA).

second, Andrew took back his body in ways his psyche could understand and accept. SH and hypersexuality. both instances have him in control of every inch of his body. nobody touches, only him. nobody inflicts, only him. before; during; after. Neil is the exception confirming the pattern, the rule.

third, Andrew defends his body against whoever he must. no matter family, friends, team, Neil. his body and subconscious always remember before his consciousness does. again, even if Neil helps start his journey towards healing, trust doesn't really have a say in his defense mechanism. violence it is. violence it must be.

now. say it is a professional tattoo artist or piercer: how long before Andrew trusts them enough? how long before trust doesn't matter and the itch of the past settles into his skin? what if the eyebrow piercing feels too similar to the bottle Drake broke onto his head? what if the forearm tattoos tickle his self-inflicted scars like Drake's kisses did? what if the person ticks off a no-no box of Andrew's mid-session? there are so many variables Andrew does not control, why put himself in the situation and risk his last pebble of sanity?

i think the only way Andrew would get either piercings or tattoos would be if Neil did them. hello fic writers go fucken wild with this one.

personally i'd say it would only happen quite a few years after TRK, when Andrew has matured, possibly when his pro career is over because ouch Exy brawls and piercings don't get along well, but that's just me. maybe just studs, maybe the tattoos are very minimalists and have nothing to do with Andrew's scars, idk.

i'd like to be clear on one thing though: my believing Andrew does not ever have piercings and/or tattoos has nothing to do with believing he does not heal enough to do that, or that survivors of abuse like him are broken to the point of never getting anything done to their body. to me it's like Andreil never saying 'i love you' and never getting married. Andrew, like Neil, like the Foxes, are unconventional, difficult characters whose healing journeys are not pretty nor normalized. but it doesn't mean they don't get to a healthy place, whatever that looks for them. it does not mean they are not okay, and valid in their choices. to me, it has everything to knowing yourself so thoroughly, forgiving yourself so wholly, accepting yourself so completely, that there is no need to hide your body or prove your limits, to your own self or to others. i think it would be much more significant if Andrew one day could simply remove his armbands, and never wear them again, than to cover his scars with tattoos. to allow himself softness rather than arm his presence with more piercings.

again, it's also not that serious. Andrew can have an ice cream cone tattooed on his ass for all i care. give him a dainty little nose ring he sniffs up one time and has to go to the ER to get in unstuck. it's all shits and giggles if you wanna.

[sarcasticbeanie]

odysseus! for the send me a character thingy :3

First Impression I read about odysseus first in my Chinese textbook as a wee child of like. 10? Or something? It was the "Nobody" story, and I thought nothing of it because it was. You know. For a class. I did think it was a funny story though, and I suppose my first impression would be "classic main character from mythology", and nothing else.

Impression now He's a war criminal. He's my babygirl. He's cruel and wily. He's my poor little meow meow. He would kill with no hesitation and excels at war. He's a draft dodger and longs for home. He's the Sacker of Cities. He's the Father of Telemachus. He's filled with hubris and had a solid hand in his own downfall. He's paid his price and he just wants to go back home. I don't know man I'm squeezing him and throwing him off a cliff but I'm also tucking him into bed in Ithaca. u get me?

Favorite moment Many... but I love the part where he shot an arrow through the axe heads and did the dramatic reveal. it is I, odysseus. you've taken my home, prepare to die. etc etc. There's a visceral tonal shift when war and bloodshed suddenly seep through the pages after dozens of pages with no active warfare and not much death ... it's good stuff. I liked it.

Idea for a story Concocting a sci-fi fantasy AU for the Iliad and Odyssey in my brain, in which there are spaceships and magic and godly-AI-run companies and cyborgs and impenetrable planets made of metal and firewalls. Demigods are cyborgs whose cybernetic enhancements come from one or more godly-AI-ran companies. Ody's skills now include hacking and programming, and the Greeks finally won by attaching a "trojan horse" to their peace treaty. Calypso is a deathly intelligent and powerful space mob boss whose henchmen are all androids, and she wishes to meet someone who matches her own intellect. Circe runs an exotic space casino with replicas of long-since extinct creatures, with only magic-users as employees. Polyphemus is a heavily guarded surveillance station with hidden company secrets from Poseidon(TM) which Ody and co. stole, leading to tragedy. has this been done? this has probably been done. but I'm basing it off my own OC sci-fi universe so this is. so so niche. and only for me.

Unpopular opinion I don't know why there's a sudden uptick in the need for characters to be morally pure and good, and I think the debate surrounding "whether Ody cheated" is. odd? especially since there's so much vitriol against the guy for cheating? It may just be me but I don't really get it,, I wouldn't have cared even if he cheated. Listen. Listen. There's no moral high ground in Greek myths. They're all war criminals and that's fun for me.

Favourite relationship 10 fics on ao3 and it's odydiopen. i love poly relationships. even if they have no basis in canon at all. but neither did telegony and it's still considered to be part of the epic cycle, now is it? but also: ody & telemachus. your son is grown, and you have never even seen him as a child. your son is grown, and he does not even know your face. are you still a father? is he still your son? you've missed every part of his life and then some, and now he is a man grown, with his mouth twisted in his mother's wry smile - though he has your hair and eyes, you cannot see yourself in the tilt of his head, or the gentle crinkle in his brows. but now there's time to learn of him, now there's time to hold him in your arms - there is time, you are home, and that is what's important.

Favourite headcanon He would've loved the GPS. RIP my guy. All jokes aside I don't think I have one? Feel free to tell me any of yours though. Please.

[just-antithings]

I found this rant in my notes from, like June of 2021. I have no idea what it was in response to, but I thought y'all might appreciate it, so here goes:

So, the anti-shipping movement is closely entwined with--although not identical to--the anti-kink movement. (Both are subsidiaries of the radfem poison that's been creeping through society and fandom as of late, but that's a discussion for another time.) For the uninitiated, anti-kinksters oppose basically any "unconventional" sexual activities such as BDSM, DDLG, furry stuff, and all sorts of other shit consenting adults do in their bedrooms (or sex dungeons).

Now, these fuckers are just wild to me. I think anti-shipping is bonkers, but I at least get the idea behind it: Namely, that people can be bullied out of--publicly, at least--shipping certain things. Making ship fic/art is a relatively niche hobby, and fandoms are ephemeral. So if you can make it socially unacceptable to write about Ship A for, say, five years, you may have eliminated that ship altogether. You don't need to keep doing it forever because a fandom's popularity will eventually wane.

Kink does not work this way. Sexual fetishes have existed for all of human history. Many of them are, if not innate, formed in early childhood. You can't keep people from being kinky. Even if the human race started over tomorrow with no memory of anything that came before, people would immediately start trying to find newer and weirder ways to fuck, because that's just sort of what people do.

So... what the fuck do anti-kinksters want, exactly? You can't stop people from having these desires. Do they want people to stop acting on these desires with other consenting adults? What possible good could that do anyone? How would you decide what counts as kink? How could you ever enforce that? Sure, there's always shame, but a) there's already a good deal of shame associated with many kinks b) if there's one thing I've learned from true crime podcasts, it's that somebody who's shamed for their sexual interests is one head injury away from being a serial killer.

Do they just want kinksters to stop making porn? I reiterate: Fucking why? You're an adult, you can hit the back button if you see something you don't like. I do it every single day. It's easy, I promise.

Of course, antis of every variety like to whinge about "the children." It will traumatize the children or make them vulnerable to pedophiles or whatever (which, holy shit, way to blame the victim). To which I say: Why the fuck are your kids in any position to see porn of any kind, and how is this anybody else's problem? Complaining that your kid saw porn on the internet is like complaining that you gave your kid enough money for a ticket, dropped them off at the theater alone, and returned to find out they'd watched an R-rated movie. Like, no shit, Sherlock, what did you think was going to happen?

Nobody made you give your kid internet access. Nobody made you fail to supervise them. Nobody made you be too lazy to set up parental controls, or forget to teach them basic internet safety protocols, or avoid giving them the talk and just hope their school would take care of it. That shit's on you. Maybe, depending on the circumstances, the platform your kid was using is at fault for not having good filtering, or the content creators were at fault for failing to tag stuff properly. At no point in the equation is it the fault of some random dude who just happens to be into balloons or raw pizza dough or whatever.

So... this was a very long rant about anti-kinksters that may not even belong here. In conclusion, parent your fucking kids.

[granny-griffin]

Original Story Recs: Halloween Edition

From the author of the bnha fic Butterfly comes another very creepy story! Except this one is way shorter and also not a fanfic. One day, people and animals freeze in place, and if you touch them, you freeze in place too. Nobody knows why this is happening or how to stop it.

Another super messed up short story from the author of ABOT. But I actually found this story genuinely sweet! You know. despite all the child abandonment and murder. Anyway if I say anything else I’m gonna end up spoiling it so just read it.

Considerably less of a horror story than the previous two, but it has a werewolf so it’s very festive. Also if I’m remembering the protagonist is an epic middle aged woman who sits there and knits (maybe crochets??) the whole time while she’s talk no jutsu-ing the werewolf. It’s awesome.

Okay listen. I just have to confess. I’m super biased toward this one hdlshd but listen. It’s pretending to be a romance story, but it actually exists to answer the age old question: what would happen if a vampire took communion? Anyway come and get your niche theological metas here.

Okay I had one with a werewolf and one with a vampire so here’s one with a zombie! Eve is one of the walking dead, but she’s determined not to eat people. You know. since that’s kind of a mean thing to do. But this is very difficult since all her friends are eating people! maybe this was why I liked it hdksdh I’m here for the difficult moral struggle. Stay strong Eve! (btw this one is multichapter while the others are oneshots)

Gotta round out my halloween monster collection! This one is about a guy wandering a deserted battlefield and being angsty, but he also has a loyal pegasus friend so that’s pretty rad. Also there’s a storm blowing in so its also very aesthetic. And there’s ghosts.

[lermisv4]

Unpopular fanfic opinion - PLEASE tell me how much my fic sucks

I take it as constructive criticism. I used to have this guy (before he vanished from the internet) who would look at every chapter I wrote scene by scene and tell me what he thought I did wrong and how he would do it different. Talking about walls of text here. AND I FUCKING LOVED IT. We would talk over PMs about each and every detail of what I was writing.

Yeah, I like it when you tell me what your favourite scene was, but that does NOTHING to improve me as an author. Those conversations did. I keep seeing people saying “don’t say negative stuff in the reviews unless the author asked for it which is extremely unlikely” but guys? Really? You get reviews?

Do you know just how much of a priviledge it is to get any kind of readership at all? I have a hard time with tagging. I write niche BS. All my readers vanished from ff.net and when I crossposted my stuff on AO3 nobody even took a second look. And it’s not just my stuff. I have seen some incredible fics that basically nobody gave a chance. Talking about novels with ten reviews at most.

Some of my most popular fics are now trash by my standards, shit I wrote back when I was 13 and I had no real grasp of the English language and could not tell canon from fanon. And I was so fucking grateful when people called me out on that. I wonder why nobody called my OCs Mary Sues because that’s what they were. Why nobody called me out on how incoherent I was. Stuff I saw years later.

But now I have no readers. Period. The rare few people who see my stuff tell me it’s good. But that’s not what I want. I want that long, LONG discussion because that motivates me to write. I want the reader to nitpick, to take my fic and tear it apart and tell me I’m wasting my time on that scene and it was unecessary, tell me how fake it all seems. Because I did have those kinds of readers, and they made me better.

Because they cared enough to read through and tell how to get better. And that is a goddamn priviledge that I’m broken to have lost.

So please, tell me how much I suck. Please.

[airbrushfather]

do people even say bnf anymore?

(detailed explanation under the cut)

for those unaware: bnf stands for 'big name fan' - essentially, a member of a fandom with fans of their own. i used to be a (minorly, nichely!) notable creator in a couple of fandoms - more specifically running ask blogs, so writing per-request fic for a small (but dedicated, not to toot my own horn) group of people.

this is such first-world whining, but it was hard! it was like having a second job on top of my actual job + life responsibilities, and (possibly because i was just in a sketchy little fandom, rife with secret assholes) missing an update would always result in at least one angry anonymous message asking why the fuck i was being so lazy. someone once told me "you'd be nothing without us, and yet you continue to mess us around every single day. why bother?"

and honestly, i don't know why i bothered! in my hayday i was sometimes writing 35-40k words in two weeks, for monthly 'events' that i would hold on the blog purely for the enjoyment of others. they'd take me two weeks to prepare for and two weeks to recover from, and then it would be a new month, and it would all start again. and people remained mean, and i remained dependent on their approval. it put me in a weird place for a very long time and i could not write for pleasure for the life of me - even for months after the blog came to an end, i felt such immense guilt for not creating every day, angry anons in my head berating me for not giving them their fodder. i'm still teaching myself that quality takes time and sometimes you can't make at all - and that's okay.

it was so tantalising, the idea of having people care so much about my work, having people wanting more every day. but because i wasn't at all removed from that process and people could (and would) message to tell me the exact things they thought of me/about me, it was kind of shitty. it also brought about the nichest kinds of drama and weirdnesses - i had copycats! i had people attacking the copycats despite me constantly saying 'please do not attack the copycats'. people who were one tumblr message away were claiming to have parasocial relationships with me. and i'm just some guy! i had haters, dare i even say i had antis. this was as stressful as it was thrilling.

this isn't to say none of it was fun. it was. i was proud of some of the things i created, and certainly of the amount of work i was doing sometimes. but the things i enjoyed making probably made up about 5% of the actual content on the blog. the rest was just to keep people happy. it did not ever occur to me that i should be trying to make myself happy.

of course, i know that this is a relative non-issue. hell, it's hardly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. but it did happen to me, and it crossed some wires in my brain that we're still working on uncrossing.

i just realised - to answer my own question at the beginning of this post: nobody says bnf anymore. it's niche internet microcelebrity now. although i'm sure you can understand, that's harder to spell from letters in a magazine and much harder to fit on an a7 page.

if you were around me in those times - thank you for being there. i hope you understand this, all these feelings and stories. i don't regret doing what i did except for when i do.

and that is what this zine's about.

I WAS A TEENAGED BNF - a zine about my troubled history with fandom. thanks for looking ❤️‍🩹

[miaunifest]

“find your own seat!”

summary: your best friend steals your unassigned assigned seat before a debriefing. you’re somewhat dramatic, though you’d disagree; but suddenly you’re in his quarters confessing your love at 2 am.

a/n: bc u guys r sleeping on him while im sleeping with him 🤞🏼 i have not written an actual fic in so long bare with me pls…

You left behind “seating charts” and “assigned seats” the moment you graduated highschool - which is exactly why you were making a fuss about a certain Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick sitting in your seat. It offended you more than it should’ve, really, considering how Kyle spent every waking moment with you and knew how territorial you could get.

This had most likely been the biggest betrayal of your life, and it happened right under your nose. From that stupid, handsomely smug grin Kyle had been wearing since you first chatted in the morning to the way he stared at you innocently, your figure towering over his.

“Do you need something?” He asked, biting back a giggle.

“I do! And I am so glad you asked me,” you sneered (somewhat) playfully.

“You know I’d do anything for you, (Y/N). What do you need?”

“For you to get out of my seat.”

Was it ridiculous that you were upset over this? Yes. Would Soap be making fun of you for getting defensive over a chair later? Without a doubt. Are you a drama queen who lives to cause unnecessary scenes? Absolutely.

A tension sat in the air, bordering on sexual and romantic, while successfully being hostile. Not hostile enough to remove your best friend from your spot, of course. All you could think about while looking at him was about the nerve this man has; does he not know everyone has their own unofficial seats? You sit next to Kyle while Soap sits across from you. Price and Ghost interchanged their seats, not really caring who they were across or next to.

Even with that, one thing was certain - the seat across from Soap was yours. It had been since you first walked into that godforsaken meeting room, Kyle beckoning you to sit next to him, a smile plastering that stupid face of his. That stupid face you wanted so badly to hold and pepper with kisses, listening as he giggled, body undoubtedly getting warmer.

Another thing that was certain happened to be your unmoving gaze, the only thing breaking your trance being a gentle kick to your boot. Back to the point, your seat was stolen - or something along those lines.

“Move.” You demanded while puffing your chest in an attempt to appear bigger, an attempt Kyle found albeit cute.

“Unless Price walks in here with a seating arrangement, I don’t think I will,”

An exasperated sigh left your lips, “find your own seat!”

By some miracle of God (Ghost and Price walked through the door) he moved back to his seat, sparing you another 5 minutes of stress as your meeting began.

“You’re such a drama queen,” Kyle nudged you gently, holding open the door for you.

“Tuh! Not even,” but you were nothing short of it.

“Yes even! You looked like you were ready to beat me half to death with that damn chair,”

“I’m the most rational person on this team!” Your right hand found its way to your heart, resting over it to exaggerate.

“Said nobody ever,” he smiled, earning a shove from you.

Your eyes rolled playfully, thinking about how there’s never a dull day with him around.

That mindset is probably how you found yourself inside of his quarters at 2 am, your heart was beating so fast and irregularly a doctor would’ve mistaken your feelings for a heart murmur. In all honesty, you can’t blame them - he really did make you feel like you had a heart murmur sometimes, as niche as it sounds.

“Why are you awake?” Kyle asked with sleep in his voice. God, it just made you want to bite him so hard like he’s pure jello. Not in a sexual way (though you wouldn’t mind it), call it cuteness aggression. A whole bunch of it. An unhealthy amount, you’d argue.

Suddenly your knees wanted to buckle and you tripped over your own tongue, tumbling on every single word that refused to leave your throat. Only strings of, “uhhh,” and “ummm”s leaving your mouth.

Are you supposed to feel this way around your best friend? Definitely not. Were you going to ignore this feeling? Not for any longer.

“Couldn’t sleep, I was thinking,” you were being honest, truth only ever left your lips - well, most of the time anyway.

“About..?” He dragged out the ‘o’, your breath hitched.

Adrenaline and anxiety were far from new feelings, they’re considerably familiar around Kyle. It wasn’t just tonight those feelings kept you up, for someone who (literally) pushes him around all the time, he plagued your mind. There was something so comforting and scary about what you were going through. Comforted by the fact that it’s your best friend you are very obviously in love with, but scared by that same thought.

Who wouldn’t be scared about losing it all? Completely tarnishing your friendship, one you’d spent so much time building and cherishing. There was everything to lose with only one thing to gain: clarity. Clarity about his feelings, because you’ll be damned, he was so open he could be difficult to read.

You were going to say something you’d regret tonight, if you could get out any cohesive sentences that is.

You. I was thinking about you and that dumb laugh you have and how you always hold the door open for me and you’re the first to notice what’s wrong and the fact you listen to me when it feels like I’m drowning myself out and -

Your reply was only said the first word, of course. Confidence and courage were not your fortes, but if you hoped hard enough one day you’d speak your mind freely.

“You.”

He smiled? You think he did, at least. There wasn’t much, or any light, actually. Was his room always this hot? The sweat forming in your palms tells you otherwise, but the temperature distracts you from whatever words might come out of Kyle’s mouth next.

“I was thinking about you too.”

Your body froze. Algor mortis is what they call it; the second stage of death where your internal body temperature starts dropping beneath the standard, which is 98.7°F. But you weren’t dead, no not even close, you were very much alive and your painfully loud heartbeats contested to that.

You’ve never been so incredibly alert, you could feel your blood rushing all throughout your body, how uneven your breathing was so you started manually inhaling to fix it, and at some point you’d stopped blinking? Your body was on autopilot but it was so .. not, all at once.

That was when you said the thing you knew you’d regret. Those 3 damned words that had you entangled in your thoughts for so long, you failed to notice who was right in front of you. Your eyes didn’t move, observing the floor with an awful intensity.

“I love you.”

Shock? Fear? Happiness? Relief? Actually, whose emotions were you even trying to read? Either way, it was about as clear as heavy fog. Those emotions were only dogpiled onto when you felt a rough, but gentle hand cup your chin to make you look at him. Out of all the ways you’d envisioned your death, suspense was definitely not one of them.

Fortunately, his following sentence eased your nerves as fast as they’d been created.

“…Enough to let me steal your seat in the meeting room?”

[rassvetsky]

Hello hello my dear :D

I love your writing so i HAD to send a request! This is probably super niche and if you dont feel comfortable writing it thats COMPLETELY okay!<3

So i have a skin disorder that makes red spots appear ALL over my skin and it makes it feel itchy and rough(now in other fanfic its normally that the characters talk about "readers soft skin" and sadly i cant relate to that)

So i was wondering if you could write Sam Wilson x fem! Or Non binary! Reader with a skin disorder :D what prompt you use, if its nsfw or sfw and how long it is, is completely up to you! I would just love to relate to a fanfic again :,)

Much love <3

thank you so much for sending this and i hope i did it at least some justice, because i've been incredibly uncreative and unmotivated for a long time now— i too suffer from a skin condition mostly triggered by stress, which makes the skin of my shoulders and upper back very bumpy (and damn it leaves scars each time) so this was insightful to think about,, most fics aren't that inclusive unfortunately (which is nobody's fault!!) but anyway, i hope you have a wonderful day, and thank you again for dragging me out of my void!!

Fifty Bucks

sam wilson x reader

"It's impossible to feel inconvenienced by anything when Sam Wilson is your personal stand-up comedian and therapist at the same time. He might demand fifty bucks, though."

[1k] | honestly not much, super short and quick anyway, fluff, reader has a skin condition as lovely anon mentioned above, swearing, sam is a blessing and not in disguise at all

reblog and/or like for a kiss, feedback much appreciated! not proofread.

You should've seen this coming.

But it's like your body and your mind operate on completely different terms sometimes, with no connection to one another whatsoever. It's impossible to control how your body might react to something that brews in your mind, and while for some it's not an issue to keep focus on; people that are blessed with one tiny little add-on to their existence like you have to be extra careful sometimes.

And good lord, you can never be careful enough.

As Sam paced around in your apartment, trying to keep your mind off of work stress and the general adulthood obstacles through a sacred quest of finding a show to watch before you could come back to the living room; you were mentally face-palming upon the sight of a red spot on the course of forming on your shoulder, and a few more down your arms. You can't control everything that happens around you, of course, but God, why is it that everyone else seems to be better at handling stress?

When you came back to the living room with a slight pout on your lips, fingers tugging on the material of your t-shirt to reveal a portion of your arms, Sam is perplexed. Remote control in his palm, he turned around to look at you, gaze flickering between your hand and your face. "Everything okay?" he asked, pointing towards the snacks laid out on the coffee table with the remote control. "It better be. I didn't pay for all those for nothing, you better cheer the hell up."

That pulled a chuckle out of you as you shrugged, stepping closer to him with a sigh, forcing the sight into his point of view. "Flaring up a bit, I think," a soft breath left you. "Figures. I was beginning to expect it at this point."

"What's that? Allergies?" he asked, following suit when you took a seat on the couch, relaxing right next to you. "Is it the lobster? Can't be, because I marinated that thing so good that people with seafood allergy could risk death to have a taste. I'm serious."

"No, it just happens." you chuckled softly, heaving a deep sigh before leaning back comfortably. "There isn't much that I can do about it now, it's just gonna itch and drive me crazy."

Sam hummed as a response, before pressing 'play' on the first comfort show that he came across, mind occupied with this newfound information. It must be annoying enough to go through, he thought, figuring that he shouldn't ask many questions— but he's a curious individual, he couldn't help it even if he tried. "Isn't there anything, like— like an ointment or something for 'em?" your slow nod caused him to hum, the intro of the show seemingly catching your attention, but not his, surprisingly, considering the fact that he often possessed the attention span of a goldfish. "Does it bother you?"

"It's not a pretty sight when the timing is wrong," you mumbled while reaching for a pack of sour candies on the coffee table before leaning back on the couch again. The cushions were soft against your back, but not as soft as your bed— which you were beginning to miss. "But I feel like I've gotten used to it, you know? Like, I learn more about how my skin reacts to certain things as time goes by and, well, I'm trying to manage it better."

"Not a pretty sight my ass," he whispered under his breath, causing you to laugh— along with him. "You could have Shrek skin for all I care. Or Avatar skin, whatever fictional world you're into— you'd still be one hell of a sight."

"Shrek skin? C'mon, you're just saying that."

"Watch it, I get real aggressive about affection," a pair of strong arms pulled you to his side and you giggled against the material of his shirt, trying to slap his arms away from you. "God was like, damn, a full package. Gotta balance it out somehow."

It was incredible, how fast Sam could get you laughing. But there you were, laughing at his antics with the show long-forgotten on the screen, his arms secure around you and a pretty smile on his lips. He was a man of acceptance, after all, and you were sure that given the chance, he could restore world peace in a week with his delicious cookouts and wonderfully thought speeches.

"Shut the hell up," you chuckled, shaking your head. "It doesn't even bother me, it's my own skin. Just makes me wish that I was a bit luckier."

"That's a good thing, you know, being alright with it." his fingers found your hair then, giving the area a few loving pats before carding them through your locks. It was as if his tone changed when he started to speak again, and you'd recognize that speech pattern anywhere. "Health-wise, accepting and embracing something kinda works like a placebo, you know? Whether it's a mental thing or, you know, something physical— when you're like, alright, I'm doing this and that to cure this thing, but at the same time, I'm not gonna be all like, damn this thing—"

"God, not one of these speeches again—"

"Listen, you ungrateful brat," his faux offense made you laugh again, as you watched him press his palm against his chest where his heart is supposed to be. "People don't pay therapists for nothing."

"I know, I know." you cuddled onto him more. "M'sorry, go on?"

"I will, for fifty bucks."

"FIFTY?!" you raised your head from his shoulder to look up at him, eyes wide in shock.

"Do you have any idea how expensive therapy is?! Thirty at most, pay up or shut up!"

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Hi, sorry to drag you further in, but you're one of the more Tumblr conversant people I follow. I'm just having trouble understanding why people, um, care about this whole post plus thing? Are they angry because people they follow might charge for what was previously free? Cause, like, artists can do that... Do they genuinely believe their keen legal minds have identified a liability risk that threatens the platform's existence? If people don't want to use it, how are they affected?

Hello! Sorry, you may have sent this a very long time ago and I'm now seeing it after you've had an answer. I should also clarify that I am, of course, absolutely nobody - I know dick-all about internet law, especially in different countries, and I certainly haven't looked much into this. So, take my input here with a large helping of salt.

The way I see it, though (and what I've read of others' complaints) there are various problems with it.

1. Legal Bollocks

So the big issue here is fanworks. Most people who create fanworks don't actually realise what is and isn't legal about doing so anyway, so already it's an arena ripe for mis-steps. But specifically, you are not allowed to make money off of fanworks. If you want to, you file off the serial numbers and publish it as original work, as it were - like Fifty Shades, or whatever dross Cassandra Clare is stealing these days. But still as fanfic? Nope, that's illegal, and there are plenty of authors who have and will sue people for it if given a fraction of a chance.

And Tumblr staff, in the posts where they announced Post+, when describing examples of posts that could be placed behind a paywall, literally mentioned "Destiel fanfic". Or in other words, told us all that we could sell fanfic with Post+.

Which we cannot. This is a lurking legal nightmare, and the first few to be caught out by it will very possibly get blasted into their own shadows by authors' legal teams who actually know what they're doing. I would be fascinated to know what Tumblr's own lawyers make of the whole thing, but from what anyone can see, their defence will basically be to say "In the Ts & Cs we said anything you sell is nothing to do with us, so you're on your own." Or to put it simply, they've told us we're allowed to do it, but we aren't, and when it goes tits up, they'll just claim innocence and leave us to take all the responsibility.

As to whether that'll tank the whole site... I mean, I don't know. As I say, I'm no lawyer. My instinct is that it's unlikely. But it's certainly true that it could - if the whole place becomes infested with illegal fic sales, a skilled (and highly paid) legal team from, for example, Disney, could probably make a very, very strong argument that the site itself is illegal, especially since we all know that Tumblr is literally incapable of actually removing problematic content (as we all saw when they tried to kick the porn bots.) And let's be real - Disney is very, VERY trigger happy with the lawsuits, and most fandoms are Disney-owned these days. It won't end well.

2. Protections

We're seeing this already - within a day of Post+ launching, Staff had to produce a post telling people not to bully users who had subscribed. Kaijuno got hundreds of death threats in a day. But Staff are appalling at actually enforcing any of their own guidelines on hate speech, anti-bullying etc, so users being harassed are on their own.

...which feeds into the legal stuff above, really, but I'll not repeat myself.

3. Target Audience

This is an interesting one. It wouldn't be the first time Tumblr has introduced a dumbass feature to try and make the site more like other SM platforms, because all SM platforms are trying to be the same these days. This is because we live in late-stage capitalism, so "Be an aggressive predator who becomes the only fish in a sterile pond" is the business strategy of everyone, rather than "Occupy your niche in a healthy ecosystem." So if other SM sites do X, then so should we! So we can have All The Consumers.

Other SM sites have premium memberships. So Tumblr wants premium memberships.

But, this means a fundamental change to the userbase of the site (assuming it works, more on that in a bit.) Ever noticed how Tumblr just... doesn't have influencers? Influencers are the scourge of SM these days; Instagram, YouTube, Tiktok, Twitter, they're all infested. But Tumblr doesn't. It can't. It's not built with any of the features that allow it. Follower counts are private, likes received are private... You don't see any of Tumblr's big users getting together for collaborations, because none of them do the same thing. I've mentioned Kaijuno - I think that's a science blog. I guess they could *try* to collab with Seth Everman with a science song...? But not really. This site is where a bunch of weird gnomes come to flourish in our respective niches. It's just not built for influencers, and that's unambiguously a good thing however you look at it, but especially if you don't want that sort of SM experience.

But, Post+ is designed to attract and create that sort of audience.

4. Is It Safe?

Absolutely not. I mean in an internet hygiene sense, now. We all know Tumblr's attempts at maintaining functional coding. Remember when they introduced private messaging? Two things of note happened around that - firstly, they couldn't figure out how to just release it across the platform, so instead we had to spread it around from user to user like a weird internet STD by messaging each other, and then your blog would be infected with the ability to message.

Secondly, they accidentally deleted the reply function by doing it, and it took them months to bring replies back.

Moreover - the ads. Ads were another feature added because Everyone Is Doing It. Except the ads here are fucking batshit. They will definitely have tried to include a data-harvesting algorithm to tailor the ads, but does it work? Does it fuck. Half of the ads are entirely indecipherable - you have literally no idea what they are advertising, much less who. The other half aren't remotely tailored. I've had everything from thermostats to posture correctors to ribbons to construction equipment to probate lawyers thrown at me here.

In short, Tumblr staff do not know how to code.

But more to the point, I saw a post a while back where someone actually saw an ad they liked, and wanted to pursue. They clicked the ad. And it took them to a broken page.

The link in the ad was broken. It did not work.

Which is hilarious, but if you stop and think about it... whoever bought that ad space did so with real money, with the expectation that they were receiving a product in return. That product was Tumblr users clicking their ad and thus buying from them.

But Tumblr did not give them the product they bought. They spent the money, only for Tumblr's janky coding to mean they never got any custom back. In other words... their money was, functionally, stolen.

And that's money from a company, who presumably have lawyers and things. But us? The userbase? We don't. If we subscribe to Post+ we're giving money to Tumblr and expecting things like our card and bank details to be safe. Are they? Maybe. I wouldn't trust it, though. Fun fact: if you pay for a paywalled post, and it turns out to just be a rickroll, you don't get your money back. Tumblr keeps it, and gives you a sympathetic smile.

But also, there's the social sense of safety. It turns out, if you have Post+ and someone subscribes to you, you cannot block them. People can literally pay to harass and abuse you. The potential for harm on that - especially given Tumblr's above-stated inability to enforce community guidelines themselves - is immeasurable.

5. Will It Work?

Doubt it.

People have tried making money on Tumblr before. It has never, ever worked. Tumblr's userbase skews anti-capitalist - posts linking your Kofi or Tip Jar or advertising Etsy or whatever can do okay, but directly selling content? It never works. I'm enough of a dinosaur to remember the attempts. This is not a userbase that tolerates that sort of thing.

I told my husband the other day how many followers I have as a result of posting about a walrus. He laughed, and said if he had even a quarter of it on Twitter, he could monetise it. And he could! But that is absolutely not a thing I could do here. The very thought of it makes me laugh. Like... if I sold walrus merch, that would probably do well. If I put Wally behind a paywall? Lol.

It will end in tears, for everyone who tries.

There will be other reasons as well, but this is getting lengthy (I am the queen of long posts these days I stfg) so I'll sign off there.

[ikigaitsuki]

VENT

so i usually try to keep positive on this blog (for the most part) but something has really been bothering me lately and i feel i would be stupid not to express it.

buckle up, this might get long. or leave this post, there’s no need to read if you don’t wish to!

there’s always been peoples problems with likes vs reblogs vs actually giving feedback, but it’s honestly really held me back more in my writing than i’d like to admit. i’ve wanted to give up writing for here for such a long time because of it. i was waiting for this stupid feeling to catch up to me.

however. i’m NOT going to leave, i just want to express issues and how it makes me feel

i, personally, spend such a long time working on my writing. some of my works have taken months to complete, with regular writing intervals. (see saving face, approximately 3-4 months) some have taken weeks. (besotted, room with a view) some might have taken less than an hour. (admission)

i’ve got requests that i’ve been working on for months from my inbox because i want to write substantial things that are worthwhile and enjoyable to read.

the thing that’s so sad abojt the comparison between these aforementioned fics is that people care more about writing that makes them feel horny and that they can reblog to come back to rather than anything beyond that. that’s just not what im about anymore. i love to write smut, i do, but i like to write believable characters and realistic worlds and i just feel like there’s such a niche group of people on tumblr that would actually read that. one of my most recent fics that took weeks (were abojt to lose each other and im frightened) may only be short but it took me weeks. it couldn’t even reach 50 notes. there couldn’t even be a word about what was good or bad. what’s wrong with it?

people only see the end result, never the work and tome that goes into something created.

the issue, and the reason why people are leaving, is because they just don’t know how you readers feel. they don’t know what you want to see, they don’t know what you don’t like.

i’m watching some of my favourite writers and mutuals leave this place and it’s so sad.

there’s only so long that receiving 300+ notes on a fic can incentivise you to keep going. once you realise that all people ever do is like, you quickly run out of inspiration. which is sad. i’ve written for years, and i love it, and this is one of the first times i’ve felt completely down abojt my writing and what i’m putting out. i love to write, but now i feel no reason to. i feel like i’ve really lost momentum and enjoyment in it. i put out work to receive little, as do many other writers, and they tell you this over and over and nobody ever listens.

we all do this for free. i have a job, a family, i’m a student, i live in a flat that i need to pay for. i have so little time and i spend it on writing and sometimes i hear a lot back, and i have feedback that i’ve kept to this day, but sometimes i hear so little i wonder the point. people can argue “do it for yourself, not for others” but writing takes time, takes effort, you’re making yourself vulnerable by posting things you’ve created, it’s so much more than “well you chose to do this as a hobby”. we do this for you, as much as ourselves, we do not ask for much.

i feel this offers some explanation as to why my writing has slowed. im in such a slump and im in two minds and i hate this feeling. people will probably read this and just *eye roll* because these posts are common — but that’s the point.

but a reminder: im not going anywhere, not yet! there’s just some things that have been on my mind.

anyway, i’ll probably feel embarrassed about this once i’ve slept on it and woken up but for now — i love and leave you

— gai

[penname-artist]

Made some fun self-observations today. This is a slight spoiler for a piece of writing that I'm currently working on, but it's actually not a fic.

So, inspired by Shu who was inspired by me, I've been reinspired to make a new Superlist of fanfictions from beginning to end. Note, this is stuff about every fic I have ever posted since I began posting fics. And that includes chapter by chapter for my short fic compilation series.

My total right now?

151 fanfictions have been written between 2019 and now.

I still don't have Shu's word count though, they got me there, that man is about to hit one million words in total word count on AO3 and that is not a fucking joke my dude

Anyways I made some realizations of contrast between my original Superlist at the end of Props to the Proppies (2020) and my current day Superlist.

1. I write in a very different "tone". Maybe this is only me or maybe people can also pick up on this but, is it just me realizing I use exclamation marks significantly less than I used to? I used to talk like this! A lot! It was a lot! I kinda hate it now! I'm not sure why I kept doing it for so long! But I really don't use them as much anymore so like, chill, me.

2. I write a significantly larger amount than I used to, also. Except this might have less to do with growth and change and more to do with the fact that I'm in the middle of NaNoWriMo and I am crunching words into this Superlist as much as I can. Believe me, when it drops, that thing is going to be one beefy motherfucker. (Now let's see if I can make a word count that high on other things like real fics, hmm?)

3. I gave up giving a shit about...well, a lot of shit. Like the fact that I write extremely kinky stuff, including more niche categories that may not be as understood or enjoyed by lots of viewers. I've apologized way too much for it in the past and nobody ready cares so like. You see these fucks I give? Yeah, me neither. The fucks sailed away my man. You get no fucks. I produce PWPs and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

4. I have a better memory about what I was feeling and doing around the time of writing a particular fic than the content of the fic itself. I may not remember what happens in this story, but boy do I remember the emotions coursing through my body while I was typing it up. A lot of fics come about through my need to self-express through someone else's mind and body, so that's probably to blame for all the content that comes out.

Even as I bear down hard for NaNoWriMo's brutal marathon of words, I doubt this Superlist is going to be up anytime too terribly soon. It will depend on whether I want to be posting it now or wait until the end of the year where I will have a clear cut time frame to make another Superlist for next year. Assuming I'll have fics to add then. Which, knowing me, I probably will. I mean eventually.

[a-froger-epic]

The Queen fandom, Freddie Mercury and Characterisation

Or: Why are those anons like this? Why are those writers like this? Why don't we understand each other?

In this essay, I will-

No, I’m serious, I will. And this is an essay. It’s roughly 2500 words.

The friction, concerns and hurt in fandom around Freddie’s characterisation - most recently centred around a fic the author tagged as ‘Bisexual Freddie Mercury’, stating in the notes that they have chosen to write Freddie as bisexual - have given me a lot to think about. And if you have been asking yourself the questions above, this here might be of interest to you.

First off, why do I feel like I need to talk about this?

The answer is not: Because I’m so very influential in fandom.

I think my influence in this fandom has been vastly overstated by some people. If I were so influential, everybody would rush to read anything I rec or write. And trust me, they really don’t. My relevance is confined to a very specific part of the fandom. That part is made up of: Freddie fans, Froger shippers, some Roger fans, a handful of writers who like to support each other and like each other’s work, and people who are really into research.

There are many parts of fandom where my opinions are entirely irrelevant. Looking at the big picture, by which I mean only the Queen RPF fandom, I simply am not that important. Looking at the even bigger picture: the Queen fandom as a whole, the majority of which doesn't read or care about RPF - I am literally nobody.

Furthermore, everything I will be talking about here is in relation to the RPF-centred part of Queen fandom.

So why this public essay?

Because I have been deeply involved for two years in a divide of opinions concerning how Freddie ought to be written and how people think of RPF. I think this is in large part because I - like several other authors currently writing for the fandom - absolutely love research. It's my idea or fun. I love to dig into these real people’s lives. Not everybody does that and not everybody is comfortable with that. It’s a personal choice depending on people's levels of comfort surrounding RPF. But this does put me firmly in the camp of Freddie fans who like to explore who this man really was, and track down every last fact about him.

Freddie Mercury vs. Fictional Freddie

I’ll admit that I am one of those people who have the urge to speak up when they see somebody claim that Freddie was bisexual, and sometimes I will say: “Well, actually, we do know that he didn’t see himself that way, because…” For me, these have often been positive exchanges.

I think there is overwhelming evidence that Freddie Mercury identified as gay from his split with Mary to the end of his life (wonderfully curated here by RushingHeadlong). In the niche of fandom I have frequented over the last two years, as far as Freddie the real man is concerned, I have barely ever seen anybody argue with this.

But fanfiction and talking about real Freddie are not one the same thing, and they shouldn't be, and as far as I am concerned they don't have to be. Some writers like to put every last fact and detail they can find into their fic, in an attempt to approach a characterisation that feels authentic to them (and perhaps others), and other writers are simply content to draw inspiration from the real people, writing versions vaguely based on them.

But writing historically and factually accurate RPF is more respectful.

Is it? I've thought about this for a long time, and I really can't agree that it is. This, to me, seems to presume that we know what kind of fiction these real people would prefer to have been written about them. That, in itself, is impossible to know.

However, if I imagine Freddie reading RPF about himself, I think that he might laugh himself silly at an AU with a character merely inspired by him and may be really quite disturbed by a gritty, realistic take full of intimate details of and speculations about his life and psyche. Such as I also tend to write, just by the by, so this is definitely not a criticism of anybody. Freddie is dead. Of all the people to whom the way he is written in fiction matters, Freddie himself is not one. There is no way to know what Freddie would or wouldn't have wanted, in this regard, and so it isn't relevant.

Personally, I can't get behind the idea that speculating and creatively exploring very intimate details of Freddie's life, things he never even spoke of to anybody, is in any way more respectful than writing versions of him which take a lot of creative liberties. As I've said so many times before, I think either all of RPF is disrespectful or none of it is.

So who cares about Freddie characterisation in fiction anyway?

Clearly, a lot of people do. Freddie Mercury was an incredibly inspiring figure and continues to be that to a multitude of very different people for different reasons. There are older fans who have maybe faced the same kind of discrimination because of their sexuality, who saw Freddie's life and persona distorted and attacked by other fans and the media for decades, who have a lot of hurt and resentment connected to such things as calling Freddie bisexual - because this has been used (and in the wider fandom still is used) to discredit his relationship with Jim, to argue that Mary was the love of his life and none of his same sex relationships mattered, to paint a picture where "the gay lifestyle" was the death of him. And that is homophobic. That is not right. I completely understand that upset.

But.

These are not the only people who care about Freddie and for whom Freddie is a source of inspiration and comfort. What about people who simply connect to his struggles with his sexuality from a different angle? What about, for example, somebody who identifies with the Freddie who seemed to be reluctant to label himself, because that, to them, implies a freedom and sexual fluidity that helps them cope with how they see their own sexuality? Is it relevant why Freddie was cagey about labelling himself? Does it matter that it likely had a lot to do with discrimination? Are his reasons important? To some degree, yes. But are other queer people not allowed to see that which helps them in him? Are they not allowed to take empowerment and inspiration from this? Can you imagine Freddie himself ever resenting somebody who, for whatever reason, admired him and whose life he made that little bit brighter through his mere existence, however they interpreted it? I honestly can't say that I can imagine Freddie himself objecting to that.

This is the thing about fame. Anyone who is famous creates a public persona, and this persona belongs to the fans. By choosing that path, this person gives a lot of themselves to their fans. To interpret, to draw inspiration from, to love the way it makes sense to the individual. Please remember, at this point, that we are talking about how people engage with Freddie as a fictional character creatively. This is not about anybody trying to lay down the law regarding who Freddie really was, unequivocally. This is all about writers using his inspiring persona and the imprint he left on this world to explore themes that resonate with them.

This is what we as writers do. We write about things which resonate with us and often touch us deeply.

But don't they care about the real Freddie?

Yes, actually, I would argue that a lot of people care about "the real Freddie". It seems to me that depicting Freddie as gay or with a strong preference for men is what the vast majority of the RPF-centered fandom on AO3 already does. You will find very, very few stories where Freddie is depicted having a good time with women sexually or romantically. That he was mostly all about men is already the majority opinion in this part of fandom.

But another question is, who was the real Freddie? If the last two years in fandom have taught me anything, it is that even things which seem like fact to one person can seem like speculation to another. I have personally had so many discussions with so many people on different sides of the debate about the exact circumstances of Freddie's life and his inner world, that I must say I don't think there is such a thing as one accurate, "real" portrayal of Freddie. Even those of us who are heavily invested in research sometimes disagree quite significantly about the interpretations of sources. So that narrows "You don't care about the real Freddie" down to "You don't care about Freddie because you don't interpret everything we know about his life the exact same way I do". Sure, by that definition, very few people care about Freddie the same way you do.

The bottom line is, there are so many writers and fans who love him, people who are obsessed with him, people who care about him deeply. They might care about who they believe he really was or who he chose to present himself as to the world, the way he wanted to be seen. But ultimately, in my personal opinion, if somebody is inspired to write Freddie as a fictional character they feel that Freddie means a lot to them. And it is hurtful to accuse them of not caring.

But what some people write hurts/triggers me.

Yes, that can happen. Because the nature of AO3 is that everything is permitted. Personally, I am very much in agreement with that. You will also find me in the camp of people who are against any sort of censorship on AO3, no matter how much some of the content goes against my own morals or how distasteful I find it. Some people disagree with that, which is fine. We must agree to disagree then. Here, I would like to quote QuirkySubject from the post she made regarding this whole situation because I cannot put it better myself: “The principle that all fic is valid (even RPF fic that subverts the lived experience of the person the fic is based on) is like the foundation of [AO3]. The suggestion that certain kinds of characterisations aren't allowed will provoke a knee-jerk reaction by many writers.”

No matter how much you may disagree with a story's plot or characterisation, it is allowed on AO3. "But wait," you might say, "the issue is not with it being on the site but with people like yourself - who should care about "the real Freddie" - supporting it."

This is some of what I have taken away from the upset I have seen. And it’s worth deconstructing.

I've already addressed "the real Freddie". Moving on to...

The author is dead.

This is something others might very well disagree on as well, but to me the story itself matters far more than authorial intent. And what may be one thing according to the author’s personal definition, may be another thing to the reader. Let’s use an example. This is an ask I received yesterday:

This author thinks they were writing Freddie as bisexual. However, going by the plot of their story, I would actually say that it is largely very similar to how I see the progression of Freddie’s young adulthood. To me, personally, Freddie would still be gay throughout the story because he arrives - eventually - at the conclusion that he is. The author and I disagree on terminology only. And I think simply disagreements about terminology, given that some terms are so loaded with history in Freddie’s case, trips a lot of people up.

It seems to me that many people still equate bisexuality with a 50/50 attraction to men and women, when in actual fact many - if not most - bi/pan people would say that it is nowhere near that distribution. Some people are of the opinion that anybody who experiences some attraction to the opposite sex, even if they have a strong same-sex preference, could be technically considered bisexual. (However, sexuality isn’t objective, it’s subjective. At least when it comes to real people. What about fictionalised real people? We will get to that.)

Let's briefly return to real Freddie.

What I'm seeing is that there are several ways of thinking here, with regard to his sexuality.

1. Freddie was gay because that seems to be (from everything we know) the conclusion he arrived at and the way he saw himself, once he had stopped dating women. Therefor, he was always gay, it just took him a while to come to terms with it.

2. Freddie can be referred to as bisexual during the time when he was with women because at that time, he may very well have thought of himself thusly - whether that was wishful thinking and he was aware of it or whether he really thought he might be bisexual is not something we can say definitively. He came out as gay to two friends in 1974 on separate occassions, and he talked to his girlfriends about being bisexual. (Personally, I think here it is interesting to look at who exactly he was saying what to, but let's put my own interpretations aside.)

3. Freddie can be seen as bisexual/pansexual because his life indicates that he was able to be in relationships with both men and women and because there is nothing to disprove he didn't experience any attraction to the women he was with. Had he lived in a different time, he may have defined himself differently.

Now, I'm of the first school of thought here, personally, although I understand the second and also, as a thought experiment, the third.

I think all of these approaches have validity, although the historical context of Freddie's life should be kept in mind and is very relevant whenever we speak about the man himself.

But when we return to writing fictionalised versions of Freddie, any of these approaches should absolutely be permissible. Yes, some of them or aspects of them can cause upset to some people.

And this is why AO3 has a tagging system. This is why authors write very clearly worded author's notes. This is the respect authors extend to their readers. This, in turn, has to be respected. Everybody is ultimately responsible for their own experience on the archive.

Nobody has the right to dictate what is or isn't published under the Queen tag. As far as I am concerned, nobody should have that right. As far as I am concerned, everybody has a responsibility to avoid whatever may upset them. I understand where the upset comes from. I also maintain it is every writer's right to engage with Freddie's character creatively the way they choose to.

None of us can control how other people engage with Freddie or the fandom. None of us can control what other people enjoy or dislike about the fandom.

The best way to engage with the content creating part of fandom, in my opinion, has always been to create what brings you joy, to consume the content that brings you joy and to respectfully step away from everything that doesn't.

[sword-and-stars]

do u think ppl are more/less inclined to comment on e rated fics compared to lower ratings? there is no right answer lmao im just curious looking at my own stats at my own published works. and don’t know if there’s like, a common thing going on. do ppl not comment bc they’re embarrassed to read sex? do they comment more? does anyone here have thoughts (i don’t, i’m braindead tbh)

My adult works get a decent amount of both traffic and feedback? I think a lot of it depends on what the story entails, kinks, etc. obviously works exploring certain kinks are going to be somebody’s yuck (you’ll never catch me reading a/b/o, for example, but I’m not gonna yuck anyone’s yum over a personal squick of mine), so if it’s a more niche kink you may struggle to get people in the door? I would also be remiss to ignore that I personally do have a reputation when it comes to writing pornography, so nobody is particularly surprised when I bust out with smut.

Your overall readership is already going to have a lot to do with it—people may be awkward commenting on a pwp if they think they might make you as the author uncomfortable, especially if they did think that your story was hot and they’re not sure that you as the writer would be receptive to comments like that. Personally, I don’t care what people comment on as long as it’s not rude. If you thought it was hot, go ahead and tell me it was hot! I thought it was hot too; that’s why I wrote it.

I’ve also found that it depends on your fandom too. Some fandoms just don’t comment much. Some fandoms are bigger on showing love via kudos or bookmarks. I’m not even going to go into the fact that my stories that contain adult content have at least of not more private bookmarks than public ones.

That’s the long answer. The short answer is that there’s a lot of factors and that I’m not sure. My smut gets a good amount of feedback because it’s something I’m known for. That’s my theory. Anyone, feel free to chime in if you’ve got any others.