#why is this also a goddamn set up for another fanfic

[theconstantsidekick]

What they don't tell you about growing up is that there will come a day when you'll be as old as the self-insert character of your fanfic that you wrote when you were 14.

[ariaste]

Okay, I have to share this story because it was a hilarious experience, I'm not sure if the ask box will let me get through it in one message, bear with me.

So I'm scrolling through IWTV fanfiction on AO3, reading some of the more recent fics, and I find one fic that I really love. They've really got the Daniel tone and essence down, I'm laughing to myself on the couch. I decide to wait and read the fic out loud with my partner because when a fanfic is really good we like to share it. While I'm waiting for my partner to get back from canning peaches, I check the author's profile briefly and I'm like 'oh shit they write for The Untamed,' which is cool, that was our last fandom that we were super into.

My partner gets home-- I excitedly tell them that I've found a new fic for us to read and they'd better buckle in because it's got a hell of a vibe and they're not even ready. My partner is like 'oh hell yeah' and gets out their crochet project. (we're in our mid twenties I don't know why this particular day makes us sound like we're in our eighties)

Anyways, I tell them that the author also does MDZS content so we can check that out after our IWTV fic and then we start reading the story and it's very good-- they have to hold up a hand to make me stop reading because they're cry-laughing, and all is well. And then suddenly I go.... wait. Wait, hang on. Hang on, I have to check this person's profile. This is a little too familiar.

And my partner says "Wait. Is this the MDZS writer-" and I say "I don't know I'm checking, hang on" and then I look up and we make eye contact and I'm like "oh my god babe it's the Meng Yao writer."

Essential Background: Meng Yao is my favourite MDZS character and it's hard to find good fics for him. A couple of years ago, my partner was reading the HOA fic and gushing about it, I was insisting that 'an act too often neglected' was simply the best MDZS fic that could ever be written, and we were absolutely shocked to discover they had an author in common, and then a while later there was ANOTHER fic I started reading out loud to my partner because it was That Good and it turned out to ALSO be the same author, so we just started calling them 'The Meng Yao writer' aka the only person we trust to write him.

Basically what I'm saying is that whenever either of us reads anything you've written, it's so goddamn good that we end up sharing it with each other and not realizing that it's the Same Author every time. So. I'm buying one of your books for my partner's next birthday I guess because you're clearly just That Good. Thank you for the multiple years of enjoyable fics and the consistent joy you're bringing to our household. Also I want to eat up your Daniel Molloy characterization with a knife and fork. Thank you.

This is the most delightful ask that it is possible to get. I am giggling and kicking my feet and grinning ear to ear. This is so sweet.

This is also so fucking funny to me. "The Meng Yao writer" ahhh my legacy. The arguing over which fic is better until the moment you realize they're both mine. The way you keep finding my fics and independently discovering every time that they're Finally Some Good Fucking Food without having learned my AO3 name at some point during that process until the third or fourth time i have jumpscared you with it dfghjkkdfghjkfghj Ariaste/Alexandra Rowland is everywhere, they're in your walls, they're currently standing right behind you actually ghjklwwghjwkl;

BLESS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER, your relationship sounds honestly ideal. I hope you keep reading fics and crocheting together forever.

Also very flattered that you're taking a swing with my original works! Thank you!! They are all set in the same world but they're usually (so far) about different characters, so as you read more of them you're going to start catching some fun cross-references between them. My thirteenth book comes out next month, so here's some good places to start based on the fics you've pointed out that you've particularly liked:

if you want more laughing-until-you-are-crying-and-have-to-stop-because-you-genuinely-cannot-breathe content (a la "different for vampires", HOAverse (Meng Yao and the Board of the Homeowners Association), or any of my other high comedic fics), start with RUNNING CLOSE TO THE WIND. It's about queer pirates accidentally stealing and trying to find a buyer for the most valuable secret in the world, and standing up against institutional hegemony. Also horny sea serpents. Also a plot-relevant cake competition. If you cried laughing at any of my fics in the past, you are not prepared for what I'm about to do to you here.

if you are enjoying the Snarky Old Man content that is Daniel Molloy and his disquisitions on the nature of storytelling and truth-seeking in "different for vampires", go for A CONSPIRACY OF TRUTHS, which has more of both of those things. It's about an elderly wandering storyteller who has been imprisoned on charges of witchcraft, treason, and brazen impertinence, and the stories he tells to rescue himself from the situation. And the corrupt government he accidentally knocks over along the way, whoops

If you liked the yearning, sweeping romance of the main pairing in "an act too often neglected", try A TASTE OF GOLD AND IRON, which is about an Exquisitely Beautiful Prince with a chronic anxiety disorder and his Stoic Beefy Bodyguard as they attempt to track down a coin counterfeiting ring that could bring down their whole economy, and also they fall in love along the way.

My next book, YIELD UNDER GREAT PERSUASION (out in September), is also great for that sweeping romance vibe, but preorders are not quite up yet! If you are looking for a cozy M/M romantasy about a prickly, grouchy tea shop owner, his childhood nemesis who he's been fucking since they were teenagers, and the hard, unglamorous journey of personal growth toward self-love and self-forgiveness to be able to accept love from other people... Watch this space, get on my Discord server (where i am these days constantly ranting about IWTV in a dedicated thread), or sign up for my newsletter linked on my website

Thank you again for the entirely LOVELY ask, I will be beaming all day. Please give your partner a high five from me, I hope the two of you enjoy the books (and if you want to get autographed copies for their birthday, hit me up in DMs and we can get that sorted out)!

Also, there will be a new chapter of "different for vampires" going up in the next hour or so :D

[lloydfrontera]

You know, regarding Lloyd's achievement in history and whether ordinary citizens know him or not made me crave post canon modern au.

Imagine seeing an in universe fanfic authors notes in ao3 or twitter crying about how they simply wanted to write a story set in Lloys time but they just keep diving into rabbit holes.

Kinda like

"So i was writing an historical au set in Alician era where the MC had a detour in Cremo and he was admiring a statue by the sea with a local explaining its history. Of course, I needed to do some research only to found out that Lloyd Frontera, YES, THAT Lloyd Frontera who made the Pantara railroad defeated some sea monster, nearly died and got statue for it"

Maybe someone from Beneto Kingdom being so confused because all he learned from history in school (Beneto history) is that Lloyd is just some brilliant engineer so he got specially confused on why in the movie he was watching set in Alician era is Lloyd fighting a goddamn bone dragon.

I'm interested on how scholars and political figures bemoan and analyse Lloyd's action and achievement but ordinary people's Internet discourse could be so much fun as well.

Javier and Lloyd getting the Alexander and Haphaestion treatment on whether they were lovers or not. The discourse would be so toxic lol.

oh my god forget changing the history of civil engineering forever, sparking the nastiest discourse ever on history/fandom internet forums is lloyd's true greatest achievement akshfksdg

he's the go to historical domain character used to set the time period for a historical movie/book/series. he's the guy writers insert to give their work a more period accurate vibe. everyone knows just enough about him to make really passionate history nerds very angry about all the inaccuracies and made up facts that are taken as common knowledge.

i'm thinking people of completely different online circles all knowing about lloyd in some capacity but regarding completely separate facets of his life and work and being so surprised when they accidentally find yet another whole field lloyd revolutionized. like.

a sword nerd who's really into the concept of the asrahan core technique and knows perfectly well that lloyd helped invent it getting gobsmacked about the fact that's the same guy that laid the ground for modern sewer systems.

a fan of historical romance stories who is used to seeing lloyd as a fun cameo in the background of stories set in the alician period being really confused when they open their book on thermodynamics and see there's a whole chapter dedicated to a method lloyd figured out to create ice without the need of magic.

a train enthusiast who is really fascinated by the rudimentary switchback system lloyd frontera implemented when the concept of a train wasn't even known in the empire being completely dumbfounded when their friends invite them to see a movie about that one time lloyd frontera and his knight defeated a knight of hell in namaran.

i think it's definitely a meme to post "so i was doing research for my asfahan au and went on a rabbit hole and guess who fucking built the qanat that's widely regarded as the only reason the kingdom didn't fall into civil war. take a wild fucking guess" "was it lloyd frontera" "IT WAS FUCKING LLOYD FRONTERA OF COURSE IT WAS"

i'm also certain there would be some guys who think he's overrated and people should really stop talking so much about him when there's so many other historical figures who are just as interesting and not as recognized 🙄. to which people immediately go "mad cause your history blorbo didn't defeat a bone dragon aren't you" at them

Javier and Lloyd getting the Alexander and Haphaestion treatment on whether they were lovers or not. The discourse would be so toxic lol.

they definitely get the alexander and hephaestion treatment you are so correct. they're also the achilles and patroclus of the modern magentano girlies. there's a bunch of 'queer retellings' of their lives. they're the go to example for homoerotic friendships. there's a bunch of edits that mix historical paintings of them with ship fanart with that 'history hates lovers' song playing over them. dudebros get really angry about it. llojavi truthers pull out their 20 pages long annotations that start with "they fucking slept in the same bedroom for years" and it only gets worse.

there's one poor person online who just really fucking wants to know how and why lloyd frontera changed faces one day out of the blue with no one ever explaining it. there's no official records. no member of the royal family ever made a statement about it. why is everyone acting like the frontera family didn't have one eldest son for 25-29 years and one day suddenly had a completely different one. what the fuck is going on.

so. yeah. i'm a little obsessed with this concept actually ajkshdksa

[ihni]

My 2023 in fics

Tagged by @billyharringson, thank you, this was a lot of fun!

January: Hot and Cold (or How To Serve Revenge) - a fic I wrote in January (but posted in February, schhhh). Got challenged by @callieb to write hurt/no comfort, and I have it on good authority that I succeeded ... (it has spawned no less than two fix-its and one more continuation by other people so far, which I am awfully pleased about actually)

February: Again and again and again and again, a time loop fic that I love, and would like to read like 80K about. ... yes, read. I don't have time to write more on it now. But I had so much fun writing this, and it is one of my favorite kinds of fics; a short one with potential.

March: March was busy. There was Billy's Birthday Bonanza, and also I wrote for the Billy Hargrove Bingo. I posted a lot of fics then, most of them short. So I'm gonna link two, because I can (and no one told me any rules for this tagging game); Boys, Beards and Best Friends, because it was so much fun writing Billy and Heather being BFFs and also the boys being set up, and then Over the edge, which is one of my favorites, because it was so goddamn fun to write! (Murder mystery prank going wrong, muahahaaa! Don't worry though, no one dies for real.)

April: A piece of meaning on your skin, a little fic I wrote for the Harringrove Flip Reverse It event, about the boys choosing tattoos for each other as a part of a bet. I still think it's cute.

May: I like Flo, okay, and like to incorporate her into fics. In Patience, I wrote about her first impressions of Billy, for the Billy Hargrove Bingo.

June-July: Posted in June, finished posting in July (but written on and off over the course of several years previous ...), Taking Notes is my longest fanfic yet at about 93K. And, listen, I love it. It's a body swap fic, where the boys swap bodies. And then again. And again. Etc. I am so proud of this one, actually.

August: Posted Pal, which is 17K of Billy befriending a stray demodog. I 100% believe Billy would like animals better than most humans, and this fic is basically him being a bit dumb but also a good friend to Pal, the demodog. And then them going into protective mode for each other. I am soft for this one, still.

September: I'm picking a short one that I first posted on tumblr and then onto AO3; Seagulls. It's ... well, it's sad in a way, in that it takes place when Billy's dying at the mall, but it's also comforting in a way, because he gets to leave all that bullshit behind and is greeted by his mom again.

October: Picking Just another night at Motel 6 on Cornwallis, because Billy deserves to get to tell Karen no, and Karen deserves to be shamed for what she did (yes, in this fic she showed up). It was immensely satisfying to write.

November: I didn't get much posted in November (because NaNo), but I did get chapter 3 of Finding Billy posted (it's a finished fic now, though, don't worry). It's a whumpy fic I had to write after a couple of chats with friends, about Billy being held with the Lab people after the whole Starcourt thing, and then Steve and Max and Hop finding out and getting him out of there. Poor boy's been through a lot in this one - but things are getting better, promise!

December: Started posting Home is where the knitted mittens are, which is my latest fic. No ships, no romance. Just Billy finding out he's a werewolf and having to deal with that in Hawkins, Indiana, without much of a safety net. Listen, I'm weak for werewolf Billy, okay? And I made up some werewolf lore in this one which is a mix of all the things I like. (It was literally a reason for me to get to write something "nesting"-adjacent, without having to go into A/B/O-territory.) Definitely written mostly for myself, and I love it dearly. (Featuring werewolf!Scott Clarke too, because why not right??)

Huh, I never thought I'd had enough to fill a whole year's worth, but look at that! I'm proud of myself for this :)

Tagging @callieb (yes, individual chapters work!), @weird-an and @mikajupiterjonesingtimcurryfeet if you guys wanna do it as well :) (And YOU, reading this, if you wanna do it! Consider yourself tagged if you're reading this and think it looks fun - because it IS)

[bones4thecats]

It is currently 3:54 in the morning where I'm at and I haven't slept one bit.

I have literally been sitting in my bed for over 5 hours reading a bunch of fanfic, listening to music, and watching maybe to much youtube. I need to set up a medical appointment soon, suspecting I have a hormonal issue that is making my 'times of the week' a lot more difficult to bear. By that, I mean by I don't get them for almost 1/2 of a year, and when they return they are a son of a fucking bitch to handle. Basically, cramps have kept me up and I just wanted something to do out of sheer boredom.

Anyways, I have a surprise coming out here soon. It's about requests and my fandoms. So, stay tuned. Y'know what screw it I'll just announce it now.

(I'm literally pouring what I'm thinking onto my keyboard and on this post so bear with the confusion and small rant plz)

Now to the surprise. I am possible

Hint the word

POSSIBLY

adding two previous fandoms back onto this list. While the names are not going to be revealed yet, I will make the post tags lists and the characters as well and have the announcement with their names come out right before posting them.

Also, I am posting a couple things from my Upcoming Pieces List because I have been needing to get that thing trimmed down for a while but have been busy with having requests come through first.

Okay I'm gonna make this quicker because my pelvic area feels like it wants me to suffer the physical amount of pain that I felt after watching Optimus die in the og series' movie.

These parts'll come out here soon and I will end up releasing a monthly schedule that shows days I plan on having requests open and I'll probably have vacation days on there as well. P.S: be aware that I may be posting random shit about 'The Dark Crystal'

Idk why but I watched a video made by TheOdd1sOut and have practically fallen head-over-heals for the movie. I literally saw the puppets and went 'childhood nostalgia: unlocked'. You guys should also go check out TheOdd1sOut, the guy is a boss when it comes to making entertaining content for somebody like me to watch. I watched like 3 minutes of his review of 'The Dark Crystal' movie from 1982 and went;

Just a heads up! Now, enjoy the rest of your morning/nights. Idk where y'all live so pick one ig... I need some goddamn sleep... if anyone has a solution to a comfortable sleeping position when on your period please leave a comment for me to see because I NEED THE REST. MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS SHITTING BUT THIS IS WORSE THAN NORMAL.

Or if you have another over the counter medication name that helps with periods (other than Midol, I need to get more soon)

Thanks y'all for listening to me half-awake and painfully-not-thought-through announcement!! Love you guys to bits!!!

Btw here's a link to TheOdd1sOut in case you do wanna check his videos out;

[justhere4thevibez]

annual writing self-evaluation

thank you @pipergirl17 and @erythromanc3r for tagging me!

1. List of works published this year (in no particular order):

oh gosh, I've been busy-busy this year with fanfic, so here goes!

Complete works:

... And a Hellcheer New Year 

Galentines and Valentines

Hold Onto Me

Devil in the Woods

Every Time I Run, I Run to You

Eddie and Chrissy Go to a Wedding 

Knocking Me Out With Those American Thighs

Cooking Up Something Sweet

Please Don't Say You Love Me

Let Me Start Over Again

You Got Me Good

Be My Breath (Through the Deep, Deep Water)

This Old Man

Do You Wanna Touch Me

My Words Will Be Your Light

She'll See I'm Not So Tough 

She Knows What She Wants

Give Me a Taste

The Right Kind of Sinner

Release My Inner Fantasy

Hooked on a Feeling

Whiskey & Wine

The Graveyard Smash

Long Is the Road Out of Hell 

In a Sentimental Mood

Set My Soul On Fire

Burnin' Out of Control

WIPs:

Looking For Something Dumb To Do

I Can't Get Rid of You 

If You Fall, I Will Catch You 

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

hmmmmm, that's a tough one! I love them all for different reasons, but I will say I'm very proud of Long Is the Road Out of Hell because it's my longest fanfic to date (almost 60k!) and at one point I really wasn't sure if I'd be able to finish it. but I did!

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

tbh if I'm not proud of something, I won't publish it. but I think the work that frustrated me the most was Whiskey & Wine, my kinktober fic. I pushed myself too hard with too big of a goal and burnt myself out halfway through. but I did learn the importance of setting boundaries for myself (and why I need to be careful committing to challenges 😅)

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

not gonna lie, once I publish something, the words tend to leave my brain, so I don't always remember what I write lol. I should probably keep a doc of good lines from my fics so I have something to present when people ask me 😂 but here are two excerpts that I'm pretty proud of.

Devil in the Woods: He had loved her since the first time he opened his eyes to find her snuggled up on his chest. He had loved her longer, since the moment he’d held her in his arms on that endlessly rainy night. And longer still, he’d loved the little girl who played jacks with him on May Day and laughed at his wild antics.

Hooked on a Feeling: He knew he could be… a lot, as kinder people said. A goddamn nuisance, according to everyone else. He didn’t mean to be, he just tended to… latch on to things. Kind of like a bulldog (but in a nice and lovable way, thank you, Jeff). And right now he had ChrissyChrissyChrissy clamped tight between his jaws, and he hoped to god she didn’t ask him to let go.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

I have a few regular commenters who give me the longest, loveliest comments where they literally analyze each chapter section by section 😭 it makes me feel so loved. but as for one individual comment, I distinctly remember a commenter from one of my early fics commenting on a really tough scene I did re: chrissy's eating disorder. they said that they also had an eating disorder, and that chapter was very healing for them. I don't think I'll ever get another comment as powerful as that.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I go in and out of mild anxious/depressive episodes, mostly due to outside stressors, and that makes it really hard to write. writing is the one constant joy in my life, and when I don't even feel like doing that, I know something is very, very wrong. but luckily, they don't usually last too long!

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

mike's redemption arc in Long Is the Road! that one was a total curveball to me, and it only came about because it was the closest place I could think of to have Chrissy walk to after her mom kicked her out. total accident, but it spawned on of my favorite sibling-ships for chrissy that I've ever written!

also writing wayne's pov! i never intended to do that, but once I started, his voice just kind of stuck in my head 😂

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I wrote a lot. like over 300k of fanfic. and i even got back into writing some original fiction, which I'm so excited about!

I also started writing smut for the first time in 2023, which was something I never anticipated doing, let alone enjoying! but it's been super fun

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I'd like to work more on my original fiction, maybe get a short story published. I'd also like to get better at world-building! I tend to get so focused on the characters that I forget they exist in a place I should spend some time creating lol

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@slumped-in-the-arms-of-fiction all the way! she's been such a wonderful beta reader, cheerleader, and overall positive influence on my writing. I Can't Get Rid of You wouldn't ever have happened without her support and feedback!

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

ooh, buddy! pieces of myself get sprinkled all over the damn place 😂 but as for specifics...

Galentines and Valentines opening scene was reminiscent of the girls' nights me and my college friends used to have (and still have sometimes)

Hooked on a Feeling had elements of my own past experiences of being laid up in a hospital (and being very annoyed about it)

This Old Man was absolutely inspired by my love of Columbo

You Got Me Good definitely included some of my own thoughts and feelings about when I get a little too high 😂

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

give your writing time.

it's so tempting when you have a new idea to jump on it and then get frustrated when it doesn't immediately turn out the way you want, but I've found that if I give myself time to think over a piece before I write it, and let it sit for a little while after I write it, I'm much happier with the end results!

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

finishing my three WIPs! and hopefully a little christmas fic 😂 I don't have anything else immediately in the works, thank god!

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@1lostsoul0fishbowl @pearlypairings @rose-n-gunses and anybody else!!!

[fallingforfandoms]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @all-my-worlds-a-stage (and sorry for only getting back to you so late, but, you know, ideas had to be dwelled upon, etc etc etc)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14 - could have been less if I had been a a more responsible human being with more impulse control, could be more if I wasn't such a goddamn perfectionist, sigh.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

332,695 (because my projects usually escalate way too quickly, sorry not sorry)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Officially, Tatort - Tatort Ludwigshafen to be specific. Currently peering over the edge for Münster and Wien. And I had a huge obsession with the MCU and The Witcher and Sherlock before, and still have half a novel based on The Night Manager up on my drive somewhere. And then there was also that missing scene from House of Cards that started it all on AO3 (but it's buried beneath a bunch of Lena Odenthal content now, thankfully).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sonne, See und Sterne: The summer holiday fanfic that I wrote throughout December and January (... sounds pretty normal imo) for Lena Odenthal and Johanna Stern and that I still like to read from time to time to dive back into that vibe :')

A Scarred Sunrise: My debut fanfic on ao3, the infamous House of Cards oneshot that probably only got this many kudos because it's not part of a German niche fandom :'D

The Hand Is a Servant of the Heart: The very first Lena/Johanna fic that I published, yet another missing/adapted scene from canon (aka from one of the more traumatising Ludwigshafen episodes that needed some sort of ... band-aid to be fixed, lol).

Das Nest: My very first fluff & smut Lena/Johanna fic that didn't fall into the abyss of trauma and tragedy but instead escalated into a Love Actually rip-off by the end (and I still adore it for that).

Liens de cuir et mains de soie: A dom/sub/switching kinda character study/crossover between Lena Odenthal and Esther Baumann set mostly in France, inspired by the lovely but lowkey deranged idea by @disappointingsalad at the start and improved by her very own contribution at the end - thank you so much! :)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, because I love each and every one of them from the bottom of my heart!!! <3 (Also, the only reason that it takes long-ish for me to reply to some of them is that I cannot stop grinning and jumping up and down out of pure joy every single time I re-read them to reply properly, so, sorry not sorry, but you people make my day with those and I save them in an extra outlook folder because of that <3)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Since I'm usually rather fond of happy endings, I tend to resolve most of the tension. "Zerrissene Fäden" would be a possible candidate though. Maybe also "I've Come To Burn Your Kingdom Down" or "A Scarred Sunrise". Because of the uncertainty that still simmers through towards the end, but idk.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, since I'm a sucker for happy endings, they're all quite happy so far. But the happiest ... huh. Maybe "Das Nest". Or "Sonne, See und Sterne". Or "Liens de cuir et mains de soie". I can't decide on this either, apparently, oops :'D

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no. But that's one of the few advantages of a small German fandom without great shipping wars, I suppose :'D

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Yes. Been there, done that, many kinds of that, in fact. Anything from the sweet vanilla kind (looking at all those 'found family' tropes) over the fast and messy ONS kind to the dom/sub-themed and/or throuple 'well that escalated quickly' kind. Each has its own perks. And its challenges (looking at the classic wlw problem of overusing "she" etc). But I still love delving into those headcanons on a regular (and mildly irresponsible) basis ;)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I wouldn't call it far-fetched since both fandoms are Tatort-related, but the sub/dom-themed Ludwigshafen/Saarbrücken crossover up on ao3 is definitely ... some kind of crazy. And then there are also all those Wien / Münster / Bremen ideas which haven't quite left the nest that @all-my-worlds-a-stage and I have so far built for them. Look forward to those ;) Also, in non-Tatort terms, there was this one Geralt/Loki fanfic I started years ago but I'm ... not even sure I'd find that cursed document again at present :'D

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'd know of it (niche fandoms strikes again).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope (niche fandoms strikes again).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, with @disappointingsalad. And I'm currently working on some other ideas that require more than my last two braincells, in this case with the help of @all-my-worlds-a-stage ;)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Given my ao3 history, the case seems pretty clear - definitely Lena Odenthal/Johanna Stern. Honorable mentions go out to Sherlock/John, Geralt/Jaskier and Jamie/Brienne. And to Wilhelmine Klemm as well, because whoever she ends up with is so goddamn lucky to have her (and I'm here for each and everyone of them).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh God. Most of them, I suppose, given the lethal combination of adhd and perfectionism that rule my brain? :'D But the first thing that came to mind was the band AU I started a couple of months ago. Because the movie playing in my mind just at the thought of it is already so perfect and I don't have any idea how to get all of those scenes written down in exactly that way.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Probably dialogue? The amount of raw dialogue I've written as a kick-off for some vague idea is ... quite telling. In many ways.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Introspection. Whenever it comes to the thoughts of characters, my own mind is just ... blank. No idea what they could be feeling or thinking in this very moment, or rather, no idea how to phrase it without putting it into dialogue. Yeah, I know, just what a non-TV writer needs to work properly :'D

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Been there, done that, probably wouldn't do it again, at least not in the way I did it then.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Officially, House of Cards. Unofficially, probably Sherlock? Or the MCU? That was ... ages ago though.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

You CANNOT ask a mother which of her children she- well. Wait a minute. I think I'll throw "Von Schwertglanz und Schattengewächsen" in there, the medieval Tatort Ludwigshafen AU I started this February. Because this is such a long-ass project that has accompanied me through some pretty ... interesting months and I worked so many inspirations and easter eggs into it. And I'm continuing to do that now, in this very moment, because I watched a very gruesome Tatort Wien episode (thx for the rec @carlomainzinger ;_;) that had just the right amount of protective & soft found family vibes and raw & unfiltered force to thwart me back into this setting (not as hard as Bibi was thwarted around her own flat though, uargh). So, yeah, uh, look forward to that, the wait might be over soon ;)

Well. That was fun. Throwing this over to @carlomainzinger @mordsfesch @krejong @rheingoldweg12a @occhi-verdi-come-il-mare @disappointingsalad @karin-in-action @khalaris @cornchrunchie and literally anyone else who wants to join in, no pressure though!

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

That was such a good analysis. And do you think a "balancing" is possible?

Re: this ask!

I think that depends entirely on what is meant by balancing!

If you’re specifically referring to the “you were meant to be my balance” line, in the context which it is said shdhdd I do not think he remotely meant it. When he’s like “you might make me a better man :)” etc, I think he’s fully bullshitting her. He isn’t saying it with the intention of becoming a better person, or even with genuine acknowledgment that that is something that might require doing! He’s just trying to get her to hook up with him. If at that very point Alina took him up on his offer, there is zero chance imo that he would at all change his ways. He’s fully decided that he is right, and she is wrong, and she only needs to see things his way. That if she doesn’t, the fault lies with her.

That being said, I think he’s a character that’s remarkably easy to rehabilitate in one way or another. I find online discussions of redemptions often really simplistic and only from the perspective of a single type of story. Fictional/narrative morality is so fluid, all it takes to side a character like the Darkling with protagonists is to simply put him in a position where his goals align with theirs. And I find that pretty easy because he has such clear cut things he cares about, ie the political situation in Ravka. So it’s a pretty easy fix to just introduce an outside threat and force him to work with Alina/any protagonist of choice.

Or like for fanfic reasons, I’ve thought a lot about scenarios where either the stag isn’t found, or he doesn’t go immediately batshit villain mode the moment Alina runs away, and the status quo established in SaB stretches on for longer. Or scenarios that are just set earlier. Like he seems to not have been committing many war crimes, that we know of, in that pre canon time? So that’s one metric, but that doesn’t actually sand down any of his edges lol. And it’s only placing a brief interstice on his more egregious terrible behavior— I fully anticipate the manipulation and interpersonal cruelty would also still be present.

If we’re talking about balancing him out from a legit moral perspective, that becomes harder, chiefly because he is really goddamn old, and him being unadaptable, and set in his ways is literally a plot point (his hatred for technological advancement).

His age is super unclear, but canonically *at least* upwards of five hundred years old, and honestly I can understand why, past a certain point, he’d be like “WHY do I have to care what these children think, when they’re going to die in five minutes anyway?” I don’t think he can really think of people as people anymore, because he’s seen repetitions of similar things play out so many times, for so long. And being so powerful for so long means that he can afford to act pretty carelessly because there aren’t that many permanent consequences. Most typical worst case scenario (beyond the canon ending lol) is that he can literally just fake his death and come back as his own son or grandson with zero consequences. So a key factor in making him change in any way imo is stripping him of power so that he doesn’t have the luxury of not giving a damn about other people. I mean that more institutionally, but losing his magic could also be useful.

Once again, for its flaws and my baseline disagreement with the concept of bringing him back from the dead after TGT, I think RoW had the right idea wrt forcing him to pretend to be a random monk. He was, however, even trying to claw to power then lmao. I think it would just take way longer than the span of stuff we saw in RoW to make any meaningful change in him. He’s just been an evil wizard king in his little evil wizard tower for too long. And on top of that, imo, his insistence to Alina that, when herself faced with immortality, she will turn out exactly the same as him, stems from a sort of sunk cost fallacy. He honestly seems desperately unhappy as a character! He seems so jaded and fully emotionally removed from everyone and everything, where the only thing that matters to him is power, and he needs her to discover that that is the only outcome possible bc if not… well he’s just wasted centuries being fucking miserable for nothing. He doesn’t want there to be another option! So he’s just very, very reticent to having any other perspective or changing in any way, and if he ever does it will inevitably be done while kicking and screaming the entire way. (I might honestly just be averse to the idea personally because redemptions are boring to me! He’s much more fun if he sucks!)

Personally, my favorite method of domesticating the Darkling is just Alina using one of the Morozova amplifiers (possibly any amplifier if it just works like that?) on him and keeping him as her pet war criminal tbh. I think that has the most entertainment value, and the most safeguards against him finding his way to power again and committing more war crimes, or being in a place to do much manipulating. Will it fix him? Ehhhh maybe over time, since it might force him out of his usual habits? Probably not. But at least it functionally tempers most of his worse tendencies lol.

TLDR: Do I think the Darkling can be balanced? I don’t know! Sounds like a tall order! I do think he can be put on a leash though.

[avelera]

I think the reason I love putting both members of the ship I’m writing into a room together where they have no choice but to talk, constantly, goes back to this one Bagginshield fic I read ages ago where it was so well written and I was enjoying it so much but it had Bilbo and Thorin just dancing around each other, barely speaking the whole time. This was early AUJ fandom so I was STARVING for any kind of Thorin content, he’s still my forever boy out of the two of them, and he had so few lines I was SALIVATING for the romcom misunderstandings to end so they’d actually talk.

And then, in the very last chapter, Thorin and Bilbo faced each other, acknowledged they had feelings for one another, and the fic just… ended.

Don’t get me wrong it was an excellent fic! But I think I almost threw my phone and then myself out the window at that point. I’ve never had such an intense case of fanfic reader blue balls. All I wanted was for them to have a conversation!

(I’m not going to say the fic but suffice to say this happened in ENOUGH fics back then that singling one out doesn’t even matter.)

So from that point I resolved to polish up my Thorin voice for fic. He was still something of a mysterious character in AUJ so there were actually very few fics that gave him more than a few lines. I was ready to break that trend (and I believe I succeeded, as one of many). But it also set up a comfort zone for me as a fanfic writer as that person who writes the characters who get all the fics where they just dance around each other the whole time and forces them to sit down and have a conversation. Honestly, my stories could probably afford to have a little more besides that sometimes lol

So anyway, now I’m writing Dream/Hob and if you’re wondering why they talk to each other so goddamn much in my longer fics, this is why XD

[eastofakkala]

In honor of today being International Asexuality Day, I would like to highlight one of my favorite fanfics ever, Best of My Love.

Why am I going to highlight this awesome fic? (Which can be read here). Well, let’s count the ways.

What Is It?

Boiling it down to its essentials, Best of My Love is a modern AU fic for The Untamed by Justkeeptrekkin and little-smartass focusing on the XiYao pairing. It’s told from Meng Yao’s perspective as he looks after a minor sibling, survived a dead-end job, tries getting into culinary school, and looks for love.

What Makes it So Good?

I could write a goddamn manifesto about why this fic is so, so good. The art included with every chapter is adorable. The writing is a combination of funny and sincere, with delightful details (a large part of the action is set in a restaurant where everyone’s on roller skates!) and fabulous character development that goes beyond the two leads.

It’s also just a really good example of a well-written romantic relationship (by my standards, anyway, which obviously aren’t universal and shouldn’t be taken as such!). Meng Yao’s life expands when he meets Lan Xichen, but it doesn’t become all about Lan Xichen, which is refreshing in rom coms. He continues to work on the rest of his dreams, continues to spend time with his friends and family, and continues to struggle at work. It makes a few things better and gives him a teammate to take on some of his issues, but it isn’t a magical cure-all for everything that he’s struggling with.

Oh, and there’s the whole reason it’s relevant to today: Meng Yao is ace. Specifically, he’s a sex-positive ace (in aspec terms) who is looking for a romantic relationship. As another ace who isn’t aromantic, this fic spoke to me on a deep level. I used the coming-out scene to give myself confidence when I also had to come out to a potential romantic partner; it gave me a much-needed reminded of my own validity when I really needed it.

Why Should I Care?

There isn’t a lot of ace representation in the media these days. That goes without saying. Like, seriously, when was the last time that you saw a work including an asexual character, who is explicitly asexual? Of those characters, how many of them weren’t just a side character, but the lead? How many didn’t fall into the stereotypical portrayal of asexuality? How many of them ended up “cured” when they found the right person? It’s vanishingly rare. So to have a piece of media in which the lead is asexual, sex-positive, gets what he wants in terms on romance and is never portrayed as someone in need of fixing is like hitting the goddamn jackpot.

Also with regards to ace representation, several parts of the fic make clear that Meng Yao’s particular brand of asexuality in this story shouldn’t be taken as universal. It’s one story of the ace experience, not the only one, and that’s great.

I could go on and on, but the bottom line is, this fic is amazing. It’s definitely worth checking out on Ace Day of Visibility. Or any day. It’s a delight.

[cakemagemaeve]

So last year my hard drive got destroyed, taking over a decade of my life's work with it. All my family photographs, pictures of my horse and my dogs and cats and so many other loved ones who are no longer around. All of my home videos, too. Also everything I've written between 2012 and June of last year, including about a half-dozen completed short stories and dozens of WIP, both fanfic and original stuff. All the things I thought I'd backed up! I remember trying to set up an auto-backup, but I guess I fucked that up because NOPE! Not a goddamn trace to be found! Why? Because I'm a stupid useless pile of shit, that's why!

So I took the thing into Best Buy last summer and it took them 4 months to tell me that they might could get the files back, but it'd cost $1450 minimum, which, by the way, is more than twice what I get from SSI/Disability in two months. Payment plans? Pssh, only if you've got a Best Buy credit card! What's that, you don't qualify? LOL sucks to be you, loser! So I wait for them to ship it back to the store. And I wait. And I wait. Finally around April I get an email saying it's back at the store. Now, while on the whole 2023 hasn't been as bad as 2022 (to recap, my cat Kipo Pixie-Paws died a slow death in my arms and there was nothing I could do about it, then I broke my ankle, then my hard drive got destroyed, then my aunt died, and then I spent all of December fighting pneumonia), I've still spent most of the year battling one infection after another while also freaking out about my family's financial situation and trying to scrape up enough cash to get us from one month to the next, and so retrieving my dead hard drive kept getting pushed to the wayside. Supposedly Best Buy called me 8 times (but never left a single voicemail) and texted me once (it's nowhere to be found on my phone) and sent that one email (which gave no indication of how long I had to pick it up), but long story short (too late), my hard drive has been recycled. It's gone forever, and despite the miscommunications I understand that this is completely and 100% my own fault, because I'm an idiot. I should have just thrown it into the trash to begin with and saved us all some valuable time and energy.

Anyway, nothing like having your last few hopes shattered at once to remind you of how worthless you are and how pointless it is to hope. And yet, really, considering what all is going on in the world right now, my problems are minor and frivolous, and the best thing for me would be to just shut up and deal. It's not like it matters now anyway.

[seabagles]

Ok welcome to

How to reference a song in your fanfic

A Ted talk by me

If the lyrics in question don't have an active roll to play in the scene do not include them. (ie. The lyrics actively state something going on between characters or some other such that you DO NOT INTEND to actively write yourself)

Instead site the name and/or artist of the song itself. If the song is not well known but the artist is put in the artist. If the song is well known, whether or not the artist is, you could probably leave off citing the artist. (If there are two well known songs with the same or similar names or the song is less well known than another with the same or similar name cite the artist).

If you are going to put the artist and song title in your fic WRITE IT IN LINE WITH THE TONE OF YOUR FIC. Fiction isn't an essay you don't necessarily have to cite it in mla format. You can say the artist's name put an apostrophe s on that bitch (if the artist's name ends in an s say the possessive form out loud if your pronounce the second s write it, if not, don't) say the title and move on. It will flow better than mla formating that bitch.

If you feel that the song is truly so unknown to YOUR SPECIFIC READERS (note that plenty of fandom exists on spotify if the song is in a lot of playlists relevant to your readers it does not count as unknown) note in that moment with an asterisk or a parenthetical (In the end chapter notes) and then link the song there.

You should link the song (literally) with full title and artist name in the end notes anyway

If a specific stanza stands out as important to the scene this is a good place to write those specific lyrics as well

Refrain from putting the full song in your fics if at all possible

If you are going to put actual lyrics in for any reason format them differently than the rest of your writing. You want them to bring meaning make it look (visually on the page) like they matter. Again FICTION IS NOT AN ESSAY don't cite them like an essay - it's really hard to read. Canter them, start a new line when the lyrics do. Make it pretty and more legible so that your reader knows their meaning actually matters in the moment.

If the intention of the whole fic is to tie into a song: link the song in the notes at the beginning of the fic so that your readers can listen to it before or while reading. And while formatting the lyrics emphasize that poetic look for them. Presumably you are using them for their poetry, let your readers really revel in them, maybe give an empty line between each lyric to really set them apart. Here also, to the best of your ability, don't mention the song itself in your writing. If the characters are listening to the song for the whole of the fic one mention is really all you need. Tempo and general mood are ok but use them sparingly as possible. If it's more viginette style, mention the song only if the characters are listening to it again as little as possible (I'll trust your judgment here)

If your fic is very song forward like the above but it has multiple songs for whatever reason use the written lyrics sparingly and Link all the songs at the beginning of the chapter (preferably in the order they are used, Link a playlist on spotify perhaps really give your readers the feel.

Songs are a really subtle way to tall about something in an audio/visual media but it doesn't translate well to fiction. You have to translate it properly for it to have the same effect. Truly no matter how subtle you think your song scenes are I usually get all the relevant subtext by skipping it entirely. Especially when the lyrics are followed up by dialog that is just the characters actively referencing the song and saying why it's right or wrong. If you don't think that a pure paragraph of you describing their feelings while they stare at each other while dancing to a slow song will get the thought across give them some dialog. Lyrics (Especially when written in mla goddamned slash format) are a very heavy handed way to signal emotional turmoil or change. Plus it's truly not a great way to give credit to the artist. Linking the song actively and only mentioning their name and the title of the song is better because then you can send listeners their way and run a lower risk of taking people out of the writing.

Tldr: put in your chapter notes (beginning or end) an actual link to the song you feel the need to reference. Reference the songs by title and artist alone in the actual fic if at all possible and don't format the title artist or lyrics like it's an essay 1. The slashes are hard to read and 2. It isn't an essay it's fiction the rules are bendy.

[junsei-draws-rotasu]

Vents of Flower Pain

Flower Langauge is nice and all, but goddamn it's a pain to research what is truly the meaning considering one flower has more than one meaning even though that meaning is already given to another flower!

There's also how many flowers and how to arrange it means something also.

This is a nice way to secretly communicate or set up clue or foreshadowing with writings but sometimes the flower can be meaning " Mourning/Intrest".

Character A gave Character B a black rose.

what does the reader think? Character A is interesting (not romantic) in character B? Or mourning whatever they had?

Also, the fact Japan Flower Langauge has additional meaning and is sometimes entirely different! And Can't really find much besides that on oh-so-helpful website about Japan's flowers, but I specifically need Roses' meanings!

Because the stupid character I picked only used roses to communicate their fucking intentions! Which is really frustrating making me want to give up and just choose to fuck that characters associations on only giving roses of different colours, but noooo, because that would mean the character is out of character than it is before!

I mean-already writing a fanfic of that character is OOC because how I write them is how I perceive them, so the writing of one of their known actions would even put a bigger OOC! Which I hate with a passion.

God! Why does that charcater have to be a gentleman only giving roses! Fucking charmers

[mirrorred-star]

Whumpuary Day 13

Prompt: fracture | dislocation

Fandom: Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

No, really: okay, fine - a scene from an OC-heavy fanfic that I have neither finished or published for SVU, that is not set anywhere near where SVU is set, and has barely any characters from SVU.

Characters: Rafael Barba; various OCs

Wordcount: 1,635 *sigh*

the heck are we up to: This one is halfway between fanfic and original fiction - Barba is in Australia for reasons and was framed for murder; his lawyer Steph [OC] works at the US consulate in melbourne and is taking on his case; Georgie [OC] is helping her with doing their own investigation and also was the victim's housemate. Barba is currently being held in barwon prison after being refused bail, and is not having a good time of it. 

Warnings: injury, prison setting, i can't think of much really. grievous injury as a result of being beaten up by multiple people?

After being caught by a clique of prisoners who had taken a dislike to him and roughed him up some, Barba staggered to the only place he could think of that they wouldn't be able to follow - between the rows of books in the prison library. Everything hurt. They'd broken all the fingers on his right hand, his left arm and wrist, his right ankle, and probably a couple of ribs. His shoulder was probably dislocated.

Being amongst the books felt safe, for reasons that were probably ridiculous if he cared to think about them. If he had the ability to think about anything right now apart from how goddamned much everything hurt.

Just here. Sit. Where the bookshelves made a corner. Just sit. Nothing would be able to get at him here.

*

Steph had sent Georgie to see if she could find her client. The prison was in lockdown - there shouldn't be anyone in the open areas apart from staff. Georgie had checked everywhere she could think of that it would make the tiniest amount of sense he could be. He wasn't in the infirmary. Not in the cafeteria. Not in the gym. Not hiding in a storeroom or an unused visiting room. She hadn't seen a lot of staff thankfully - people tended to not know how to read her when she was dressed like a cross between a pretty cure and strawberry shortcake, and she doubted that the prison staff would be very charitable about it.

Georgie was walking down another hall trying to think of where she hadn't checked yet when she found the set of double doors that led to the library. She hadn't even thought to check there the last time she'd walked past. And yet... a lawyer in the library. Why wouldn't he?

She pushed the doors open and ventured inside.

*

He heard the library doors open. Reluctantly, he struggled to his feet. They had meant to kill him, he knew it - the bastard cop who had killed Angie right in front of him and framed him for the murder wouldn't even need to worry that Barba would be found innocent if Barba was killed by some thugs in a prison cell. He had to find a better place to hide.

Trying not to drag the foot that refused to carry weight, he limped to the end of the aisle and noticed that while the tops of the bookshelves were leaning against each other, the bottoms weren't. He stepped in between the shelves, and slowly went as far as he could go, where a shelf cut across the others.

And there he carefully lowered himself until he was sitting on the threadbare carpet.

And from there he used the back of the bookshelf and his better leg to lower himself to the floor.

*

Georgie ducked into the library. The lights were off. 

She stared at the ceiling for a moment, trying to figure out whether the lights were motion sensitive or whether she needed to find a light switch.

There was a soft shuffling noise, and one of the metal bookshelves creaked. Footsteps? Or was it just the building? It was hard to tell.

Georgie waved at the ceiling in the direction of the light. It stayed off. She waved again, more enthusiastically, and it still stayed off.

She looked around for the check-out desk, and checked for a light switch.

*

Why was it getting hard to breathe?

They'd hit him in the chest enough, but it didn't hurt enough to be a broken rib.   His shoulder was pain, though. Did a dislocated shoulder hurt more than a broken rib?

He wasn't sure. It hurt to breathe, but it hurt to move.

He tilted his head back against the bookshelf behind him. The movement barely hurt, but his head swam. Did he have a concussion? Maybe. It didn't make much difference.

The lights flickered to life in the ceiling above him in rows, from entrance to far wall. He was still in shadow, the light directly above him refusing to be lit.

He hoped he was hidden well enough.

*

The library looked deserted. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

A pin drop, or laboured breathing.

She crept quietly around to where it was the loudest, but she couldn't see him anywhere. And then she realised that the two rows of bookshelves didn't quite back onto each other - some were leaning against each other, but not all the way down the row.

The sound of breathing was loudest near where the bookshelf rows changed direction, from down the library to across it.

She carefully climbed the half-full bookshelf and kept her feet on the second-highest shelf, carefully managing the balance of the bookshelf so she didn't tip it over.

And there she saw him.

*

Rafael Barba could hear footsteps all the way up and down the library, down all the rows. Searching for him.

If he held still, they wouldn't be able to find him. They would think the library was empty, and they would go away.

The bookshelf to his left lurched suddenly, and shook with a metallic-scraping-scampering noise. Then a face appeared over the bookshelf.

She climbed all the way up and crouched on the top of the bookshelf. "Rafael Barba? Is that you?"

She looked like she'd been dressed by a three year old with a princess obsession - a mess of bright colours and glitter.

"I'm working with Steph - Steph Winters? Hang on." She took a cell phone out of her pocket and dialled.

"Steph? No answer. Hang on - voicemail. Hi Steph. I think I've got him. Call me back the moment you get this."

What the literal fuck was happening? Who the literal fuck -was- she?

Whatever. This wasn't about to get any worse.

"Please tell me I'm not seeing things."

She clambered over the top of the shelf, causing the shelf to wobble in a way that didn't look safe and shook the shelf he was leaning against, then dropped onto the floor. The thud shook the floor.

"Sorry. I'm Georgie. I wouldn't normally be out dressed like this for something important, but Steph called last-minute, and... and a friend died recently. This makes me happy. Mostly." She crouched down. "You're not seeing things. I don't think hallucinations usually thud when they hit the floor."

"Wait, you are Rafael Barba? If you're not, that's okay, I'll stay, but I need to let Steph know that she's on her own."

"No, I am." He struggled to sit up better, so he could see what she was doing. She was texting on her phone. "I'm texting Steph," she said when she saw him watching. "If she's not going to pick up then she better be checking texts."

"Then what?"

"Then I'm moving that shelf I just climbed over."

"I can walk."

"No." Her voice carried more command than you'd think a walking frosted cupcake could manage. "Your ankle is busted, sir. The shelf is half-empty, it won't take long."

*

Library. Found him. Call an ambulance. 

*

Georgie climbed back over the shelf and pulled up an empty library cart to stack books on. She hadn't been sure she should say anything - she didn't look very authoritative at the best of times - but his skin tone looked a little ashy and he was having trouble inhaling enough air to talk. On top of his foot resting at a weird angle, the way he'd been holding his shoulder but also trying to support to arm he'd been holding his shoulder with.

Oh Anya Spy-Family, we're really in it now.

After she'd pulled out the bottom row of books and stacked them to one side, she tugged at the side of the second shelf from the floor until the bookshelf swung outwards.

"Got ya."

She took a moment to catch her breath, and to steel herself for how freaking awkward doing a first aid on a stranger was, and to steel herself for whether he was even going to make it. 

She had hoped that she was seeing things with his skin tone, but with more light, he looked a bit worse than what she'd thought.

"Could you lie down?"

"I'm okay."

"I need you to lie down properly, with your head on the ground."

"No."

Georgie exhaled sharply. "Rafael, I-"

"Barba," he corrected her curtly.

"I have a current level two first aid certificate. I told Steph to call an ambulance. You look really pale, and your breathing is terrible, and I think you have internal bleeding but I don't know and maybe you just punctured a lung but I don't know but you're not going to die on me if I can help it. So Rafael Barba, lie down. I'm going to roll up my jacket and I'm going to put it under your hips, and then the paramedics are going to come and fix everything."

He used his better leg to pull the rest of his body into a lying position. He immediately felt a little better.

The girl's phone rang. Georgie immediately put it on speaker.

"Steph, why aren't you here?" her voice was sickly sweet.

Steph knew Georgie was very angry with her.

"I'm on my way. I was caught up with-"

"Searching, after I'd rung you to tell you to stop and find me. After I left you a message."

"I'm sorry."

"Did you call an ambulance."

"No, I wanted to check-"

"He's dying from internal bleeding somewhere," Georgie snapped. "Call."

"I called," Steph snapped. "I don't have enough information."

"They're coming?"

"Yes. They're calling me back in a minute. I should be there then."

Georgie felt her knees buckle with relief. "Good."

[drabbles-mc]

Help Wanted

Juice Ortiz x F!Reader

Request by Anon: Ok. To go off of you SOA post about the guys taking care of a dog. I love the idea of them running a doggy daycare (maybe after Jax is prez) as part of their “legitimate business l endeavors. Would you be interested in writing something like that? It seems so comical & fluffy at the same time! Maybe throw in a Juice/reader love story, like she gets a job working there and she has dog experience that those “big bad bikers” don’t lol. Cue dog whisperer & Juice being all heart eyes 😍

Warnings: 18+, language

Word Count: 7.8k (idk what happened please don’t ask)

A/N: I won’t lie, the fic that I intended to write for this request is not what ended up happening. Idk where the hard left turn happened but I’m not upset about it! I hope you enjoy where this all went. All I know is that I hope that Juice and reader have a life full of happiness and puppies together. Also I love Jax in this because he’s such a goddamn nudge lmao

SOA Taglist: @garbinge @masterlistforimagines @espieviolet99 @mijop​ @chibsytelford​ @thanossexual​ @xladymacbethx​ @i-just-read-stuff​ @bport76​ @toni9​ @unicornucopia-fuckers​ @buckybarneshairpullingkink​ @shadow-of-wonder​ @punkgoddess-98​ @paintballkid711​ @black-repunzel99​ @lexondeck​ @jitterbugs927​ @fanfic-n-tabulous​ @mijagif​ @frattsparty​ @winchestershiresauce​ @bellisperennis0​ @crowfootwrites​ @redpoodlern​ @beardburnsupersoldiers​ @mveggieburger​ @xeniarocks​ @choochoo284​ @littlekittymeow​ @withmyteeth​ @beardsanddetectives​ @juicyortiz​ @bruxasolta​ @i-love-scott-mccall​ @be-my-dear​ @passionatewrites​ (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, let me know!)

“I don’t know why you guys thought this was a good idea,” Juice shook his head as he pored over the paperwork spread out on the table in front of him.

Tig rolled his eyes, scratching behind the ears of the dog in his lap, “Because it’s dogs, man. Can’t go wrong with dogs.”

Juice looked up from his laptop screen, “But we know nothing about running a business like this.”

“We don’t have to. That’s what we hire other people for,” Tig reached, slapping Jax lightly on the chest, “Right?”

Jax chuckled, nodding because he knew that he’d lost this argument against Tig and Happy the second that it got brought to the table, “Right.”

Juice huffed out a sigh as he dove back into everything that was in front of him. It wasn’t the idea that he had a problem with. A Sons-sponsored doggy daycare sounded exactly like something that would get set up in Charming. It was a bit ridiculous, but it could work out just fine and be a perfectly good new way to make money. People spend ridiculous amounts of money on their pets, a point that Happy had made less eloquently when the idea first got brought up in church. The idea wasn’t the problem. Executing the idea was where they were going to run into a bit of a mess. Everything else that they got involved in, they already had people lined up to run it and keep things going smoothly. Not this. This was just a pipe dream that Jax wasn’t looking to deny anyone. And yet somehow Juice was the one left scrambling to put it all together.

“You guys gonna help me with any of this?” Juice asked, “Or are you just gonna sit around and watch me work?”

Jax stood up off the couch with a laugh, walking over and clapping Juice on the shoulder as he walked by, “You’re the brains behind this one, bro. You’ll be able to handle it just fine.”

Juice wasn’t in the mood to get in an argument about it, so he let Jax walk away without another word. He knew, though, that despite Tig and Happy being the ones who brought it up, they weren’t going to be doing any of the legwork in getting it all started. That wasn’t their area of expertise. It wasn’t Juice’s either, truth be told, but it looked like it was going to have to be.

They already had the space. The club had bought up a few properties along the way and one of them actually had a decent amount of yard space in the back. They threw a decent fence up and Juice had found a crew of guys to help transform the inside of the building to make it more dog-friendly. The cosmetic stuff was easy enough, but hiring people, figuring out how to run the day-to-day of it all while they were still getting it off the ground, that was going to be the hard part.

“What would the requirements for this even be?” this wasn’t the type of job posting that the club was usually putting out there, and Juice had no idea what to put. He buried his face in his hands, wishing that he could pawn this off onto someone else and be done with it but he was too invested now—he’d put too much work into it. He was halfway tempted to write, “Must be nice to animals” and call it a day just so he could get it over with and try to move on to the next thing.

There was a knock on the glass front door moments before the sound of it sliding over the welcome mat filled the room. Juice lifted his head, confusion flooding over his features as he took in the sight of you. You looked around the room, looking just about as confused as he did, and he couldn’t help but to wonder if you were lost.

“All good?” he asked.

You looked over at him, letting out a nervous laugh, “Yea, uh, hi. Sorry. I just,” you gestured over your shoulder, “I saw the help wanted sign in the window. From the name I thought this place was a doggy daycare. But it looks…well…” you laughed, “empty.”

Juice laughed, getting up from where he was sitting behind the reception desk, “Yea. We, um, we haven’t opened yet. Figured we might need some employees first,” he chuckled as he held his hand out, “I’m Juice, by the way.”

You shook his hand, “Juice?”

“Yea,” there was something about the way your eyes seemed to be searching his that made him nervous, “That’s what my friends…I mean they just, uh, you can call me Juan, if you want.”

You smiled, “Juan?”

“Juan Carlos,” he chuckled, trying not to let his nerves come out to play in a situation where they had no right to be there.

“Nice to meet you, Juan Carlos,” you gave him your name in turn before taking another look around what was currently a large, empty, undecorated space, “So, you said you’re looking for employees?”

“Yea. Are you, um, are you looking for a job?”

You laughed, nodding, “I guess you could say that, yea.”

“Got any experience with this kind of stuff?”

You shrugged, “Yea. I mean, I never ran a business for it or anything. But back home and through college I used to dog-sit and walk people’s dogs as a side-gig. Never had any complaints,” you smiled, “I can whip up some references for you if you want.”

“I know I should ask for them, but I won’t lie to you, I’m kind of in a pinch here,” he took a breath, running his hand back over his head until it rested on the back of his neck, “When can you start?”

“Whenever you get some dogs in here for me to take care of,” you laughed.

He smiled, for some reason feeling a sense of relief washing over him despite the fact that you were just one person, and there was no guarantee that it was all going to work out. For all he knew, you were going to see what a mess he was and how quickly he was pulling together the entire operation and you’d bail. He just had to hope that that wouldn’t be the case. You seemed nice, though, and he just had to hope that that would be enough.

The two of you chatted for a couple minutes. You asked about the plans for the place, what the end-goal was. You could tell by the way that he was talking that he was in over his head, and it made you wonder how he ended up in this position anyway. He was trying, you could tell by all the papers spread out in some sort of organized chaos on the desk. He also had the look of a person who hadn’t gotten enough sleep in a very long time.

You also noticed the kutte he was wearing. Charming was a new place for you, and you didn’t really know all the history and what there was to know about it. But you’d seen enough men around town with the same vest on to know that it must’ve been connected somehow to the building you were standing in, the business that this man was attempting to get off the ground. It should’ve been a deterrent, you should’ve just turned around and walked back out. But you didn’t. Something about his exasperation and confusion made him seem so trustworthy.

“If you don’t mind me saying,” you offered a sympathetic smile, “you seem a little in over your head here.”

He laughed, nodding, “Thanks for putting it nicely.”

You chuckled, “I won’t pretend that I have all the answers, but if you want some help getting this place going, I’ll do what I can. If nothing else, I’m coachable.”

“Yea?” he looked hopeful.

“Yea. And if you give me your budget I can, um,” you looked around the room, “I can get some stuff that’ll make this place look a little more inviting.”

“I’ll take any help I can get. You got any friends who would be interested?” he let out a laugh.

You shook your head, smiling, “If I had any friends here, I’d see what I could do. But it’s just me, unfortunately.”

His lips started to curl into a smile, “Not unfortunate,” he paused, “Look, I know you probably stopped in here on a whim. I’m not gonna try to rope you in for the rest of the day when you probably have other shit to do. But if you wanna come back tomorrow, we can try and get started on this. I’ll fill you in and everything.”

“Okay,” you nodded, “Sounds good. I’ll bring coffee,” you chuckled, “Oh, here, let me write down my number for you.”

Juice scrambled to find you a piece of scrap paper to write on, and you somehow managed to keep your laughter inside of you at that. You quickly jotted down your name and number onto the paper, holding your hand out for one last handshake before you left again for the day.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Juan Carlos,” you smiled.

“Yea,” he shook your hand, looking down at the paper he was holding as you started walking back towards the door, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Over the next couple of days, Juice filled you in on everything that he could. You could tell that he was beyond thankful to have someone else to share the workload with. Considering that he had been flying solo until you came around, he had been doing pretty well. You showed up with your own laptop, a few notebooks, and some other miscellaneous supplies that immediately had Juice assuming that you knew what you were doing. Really, it was just a lot of leftover things from college that you hadn’t gotten around to throwing away yet. Now you were glad you didn’t, since it was all going to come in handy.

“I finished putting together the job listing,” you said as you plopped down in the chair next to his behind the front desk. You opened your laptop, quickly opening the document in question, “I did some trial ones for the main positions that you said you need to fill. If I left anything out, feel free to let me know,” you paused as he looked over what you had written, “Oh, and I’ll need your help going and grabbing some of the supplies from the pet store. Our order finally came in.”

“Finally?”

You shrugged, laughing, “My definition of express shipping is different from theirs, I guess.”

He watched you for a moment, a smile on his face as you looked through your notes on what had to get done in the next couple of days before the interview process started. It was pretty obvious that that was going to be left completely in Juice’s court. You had yet to meet the other men who were apparently part of this entire operation, and you wondered if Juice was doing that on purpose.

“Thank you,” he finally got the words out.

You looked over at him, confused, “Hm?”

“Thanks,” he reiterated as he gestured to the screen, and the paperwork, “for helping with this. I know it’s a fucking mess but having you help has made things a lot easier.”

You shrugged, “No need to thank me—it’s all part of the job, right?”

“Yea, right.”

“But, if I got first pick of the schedule I wouldn’t be too upset about it. You know, if you wanted to say thank you that way,” you flashed him a cheeky smile before getting back to work.

The morning went on and eventually it was time for the two of you to head over and pick up a bulk of the supplies that you needed in order to get the place up and running. Juice had left most of that up to you, asking just to keep it all under a certain price-point. You were able to do that, although you were sure that as time went on you would be able to convince Juice, or whoever else, to swap some stuff out for things that were a little nicer, a little fancier even. You’d just have to play your cards right.

“C’mon,” you fished your keys out of your purse as you both made your way towards the front door, “I’ll drive.”

His eyes widened and he couldn’t stop the laugh that came out of him, “You’ll drive?”

You stopped, scoffing in disbelief, “What, how much do you think you can strap to the back of your Harley, hm? More than we can fit into the bed of my pickup?”

He opened his mouth to argue, but he realized that you had a point. He hadn’t thought to start bringing the van from the clubhouse around, so all he really had was his bike. Sighing, he held his hands up in surrender, “You got a point.”

You laughed, “I know.”

He looked at your truck, “This thing gonna make it there and back?”

You rolled your eyes, “She’s a little beat-up but she runs just fine. Got me here and moved in, right?” the two of you hopped into the truck, and as you were sliding the key into the ignition, you couldn’t help but to say, “If you really wanna drive that bad, by the way, get your own pickup.”

He laughed, “I’ll try to get something that passes inspection.”

After a lot of fumbling around before eventually letting the employees at the store help, the bed and back seat of your truck were successfully packed with everything that you’d ordered. The look of defeat on Juice’s face when he had to resign to asking for help was something you wished that you had caught on film. You just had to hope that the two of you would be alright getting it all out of your truck without accidentally breaking anything in the process.

When you pulled back into the parking lot at the daycare, you immediately noticed that there were a few more motorcycles parked out front. You tried not to be too obvious as you waited for some kind of reaction from Juice. You heard him sigh, saw him give a small shake of his head, but he didn’t say anything about it. You assumed that they were men from the club, but since you hadn’t met any of them yet, you had no idea what you were in for.

“Think they’ll at least help us unload all of this?” you asked with a laugh.

He chuckled, “Maybe if you ask. Do that at your own risk, though.”

Juice never talked about the club, and you never asked, either. It wasn’t a world that you were at all acquainted with, and truthfully, you didn’t feel like you were missing out on much. Once you realized that Juice was involved with an MC, you knew there’d be some crossover, but you weren’t going to try and insert yourself into that side of things more than necessary. If things got messy, you’d have no problem cutting the cord and finding somewhere else to work, different people to associate with. But you liked the potential of everything so far. And, even if you were shoving the feeling as deep down as you possibly could, you had to admit that you liked Juice, too. You knew precious little about the club outside the murmurs and rumors you’d heard, and you knew that you couldn’t believe everything that was said, but if any of it was true, you wondered how someone like Juice had ended up in a club like that.

“I can handle all of this if you need to go and talk to them,” you told him as you shut your door and made your way towards the bed of the truck.

“No, don’t worry about it,” he watched you drop the tailgate, “they can help, or they can wait.”

You didn’t push it farther, instead hopping up into the bed of the truck to start handing stuff down to him to carry in. Neither of you said anything more as you gathered up your first armful of things to bring inside. As you got closer to the door, you saw two men standing by the front desk, one behind it looking over the papers, and one in front of it watching the two of you making your way inside. You could feel the one man’s eyes studying you and you did your best to ignore it.

“Was starting to get nervous, Juicy Pants,” the man who had been watching the two of you walked closer as you both started setting things down, “Haven’t heard from you in a couple days,” he looked over at you, “Surprised you didn’t just up and skip town with your gorgeous friend here.”

You fought to keep your composure, not wanting this man to know that you had any semblance of nervousness in you. Propping the box you were holding against your hip, you didn’t your best to sound confident, “We’ve been busy getting this place ready since no one else seems too eager to help. Something else you need us to do for you?”

A smirk curled the ends of his mouth, “What’s your offer?”

Juice huffed out a sigh, “Tig, don’t.”

He looked over at him, “What? I’m just asking a question.”

By this point, the man behind the desk had given up on looking through the paperwork and had walked over to the three of you. Stopping beside the man in front of him, who you now knew was named Tig, he scanned you over the same way that Tig had. There was something different in his expression, though, in his eyes. You couldn’t put a name to it, though. What you did know, though, was that the President patch stitched into his kutte meant that whatever happened with this job and this building would all be leading back to him in one form or another.

He smiled at you as he started to speak, “Sorry about him, darlin’. We don’t take him out much,” he paused, waiting for you to make another comment, and you wished that you had one, but your mind was blank as you tried to get a grip on the dynamics here. Taking your pause as his cue to continue, he held out his hand, “I’m Jax, by the way.”

You used your free hand to shake his as you introduced yourself in return, “You got a couple minutes to spare, Jax? We got some more stuff to unload.”

Despite the fact that most of Jax’s focus was on you, he was very aware of the way that Juice was watching the two of you interact. Tig wasn’t lying when he said that they hadn’t really heard or seen much from Juice in a couple days, and now Jax knew why. Sure, getting all of this off the ground was keeping him plenty busy, but there was no way that Juice being able to spend all day working one-on-one with you wasn’t affecting how he spent his time.

“Sure,” he gestured towards the door, “You can talk me through some of those business plans while you’re at it. ‘Cause I know that Juice didn’t come up with all of those.”

You smiled, shaking your head as you walked back towards the door, “Juan came up with the framework for all of it, I’ve just been helping fill in the details.”

You missed the exchange of looks between Jax and Juice when you called him Juan, and Juice was beyond thankful for that. He knew that he was going to be getting an earful over that later when you weren’t around.

Jax focused his attention back on you as you hopped into the truck to pass more stuff off, “And what do you know about filling in the details, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“I was about eight weeks away from getting my MBA,” you tossed a box to Jax with a little more umph than necessary, “so I think I’m pretty qualified to fill in some blanks.”

He raised his eyebrows, smiling slightly as he nodded, “Alright then.”

“And,” you slid a few things to the edge before hopping down and grabbing them so you could walk back inside, “not for nothing, if you were worried about my credibility, you could’ve been around to help with all of this. Pitch in on the hiring process and all that,” the smile on your face took the venom out of your words but your point still got across fine.

He chuckled, knowing that an argument wasn’t going to be worth it for anything, “Fair,” he set his box down with the others, “Speaking of the hiring process, where are we with all of that?”

“She put together the listings,” Juice jumped into the conversation, “Gonna post them when we’re done with all of this. I’ll get some printed and sent out, too.”

“We get to help with the interviews?” Tig asked with a smirk.

Juice rolled his eyes, “It’s not gonna be like hiring girls for Redwoody.”

Your eyes widened and you choked back a laugh. When the men turned to look at you, you shook your head and tried to keep your laughter under control, “Sorry, sorry. But…Redwoody? First of all, that name,” you chuckled, “But second of all, how’d you guys go from porn to puppies? I don’t…I don’t get that.”

Jax had to laugh, hearing it phrased like that, “Whatever makes good, clean money.”

“And a lot of it,” Tig added on.

You nodded, not able to argue the very basic logic behind it even if the guys didn’t seem too well prepared for the actual business building side of it, “Right.”

Jax looked back and forth between you and Juice, “You two really need the extra help around here right now?”

You glanced over at Juice, knowing that it was really going to be his call at the end of all of this. You were helpful, and Juice took most of your advice at face-value, but you knew that these two guys weren’t going to be the same way. They weren’t the ones who had been working side-by-side with you getting all of this pulled together so quickly. Juice’s gaze fell to the floor as he contemplated his answer. The extra help would’ve been nice, sure, but he didn’t really want to have Jax or Tig, or any of the guys really, breathing down his neck and yours. The two of you working together seemed to be working so well. There had been moments, over the days that you’d been working together, that he almost forgot that this was all technically a club thing, not just something he happened to be doing and bringing you in to help with.

“We should be good once we get this place set up and the interviews done. Then we’ll be good to go,” Juice nodded, still not looking over at you.

“Either of you any good at interior design?” you asked with a laugh, “We gotta get it all set up and decorated.”

Tig spoke up, nudging Jax’s shoulder, “We should send Gem—”

“No,” Jax cut him off with a laugh, “we shouldn’t,” he looked over at you, “I’ll swing by with a couple of the guys tomorrow, help you set up all this. Put Juicey here in charge of the interviews,” he paused, smiling, “Then you can walk me through some of those plans.”

You knew that smile. You’d seen it on countless men, countless times before. It never meant anything good, and that was the last thing that you were interested in right now. Shaking your head, you said, “I’m telling you, you’re better off talking to Juan about all of that. I just work here,” you tucked your hands into your back pockets, “But I won’t say no to you bringing over some help to get the bulk of this setup done.”

Juice had watched your little exchange with Jax with bated breath. He didn’t want to admit that he felt relieved with the way you deflected Jax’s subtle invitation. Judging by the look that Jax cast his way, Juice had to assume that he wasn’t as good at keeping a neutral expression as he’d hoped.

You saw the three men all looking at each other, and you suddenly felt like you should be doing anything but standing there with them. Clearing your throat, you spoke to Juice, although at this point you were basically speaking to all of them, “I’m just gonna grab the last few things out of the truck. If you’re good to get the listings up, I’ll probably just head out for the day…give you guys a chance to go over some things.”

He didn’t want you to go, but he knew that whatever Jax and Tig wanted to talk about, probably wasn’t something that he wanted you hearing. He fumbled a sentence together, “Oh, uh, okay. Um, yea. Sounds…sounds good. I’ll just see you in the morning, then.”

“Yea,” you shot him a smile, “with a moving crew.”

You made quick work of the few items that were left in your truck. The three of them were chatting about minor things when you walked back in to set the last of your haul down. You said a quick goodbye to the three of them and went on your way. The second the door shut behind you, though, both Jax and Tig turned and gave Juice knowing looks. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, desperately trying not to get roped into that conversation with them.

“What did you guys need to talk about, anyway?” he tried to rein them back to the matters at hand.

It was evident on Jax’s face that he now wanted to spend their time razzing Juice over the blossoming crush he had on his new coworker, but he fought the urge. Resigning with a sigh, he allowed the conversation to stay on a more focused, professional track.

You showed up the next morning with a few trays of coffees from the café a few streets over. You didn’t know how many guys were going to be showing up, but you figured that it would be a nice gesture regardless. When you’d pulled into the parking lot, you saw Juice’s bike, which was the only one you think you’d ever recognize. There were two others, although you couldn’t remember if they were the same ones as the day before. There was also a van parked there as well.

You slung your backpack onto your shoulders before grabbing the drink trays and making your way towards the building. The closer you got, the more you could make out the movement inside. There were definitely more people in there than there had been. It was a far cry from it just being you and Juice together in the vast emptiness of the unfurnished building.

“Holy shit,” you said it mostly under your breath as you walked through the door.

You didn’t think that you’d shown up late. It was about the same time as you usually did. Since you guys weren’t technically open for business and there weren’t any dogs to take care of yet, both you and Juice just tried to get there are a relatively decent hour in the morning. Truthfully, you didn’t think that any of the men who were in the MC would be early birds. Apparently, you were wrong.

It looked like an entirely new place. All the stuff that you’d gone and picked up the day before was all set up. Kennels, pens, all manner of toys and mats, all of it was set up. The reception area didn’t look half bad, either. You looked around, trying to weave your way through the men as quickly and quietly as possible. More than anything you just wanted to talk to Juice and find out what happened.

Before you found Juice, Jax found you. He looked different than he had the day before, just a t-shirt on underneath his kutte and a backwards baseball cap on his head. You figured that the outfit was what passed for “casual” wear since he and the crew of guys had presumably been setting things up all morning.

His smile stretched a little wider as you wordlessly offered him a coffee from the tray in your hands. He took it, starting the conversation before taking a sip, “Not too bad, right?”

You chuckled, setting the tray down and letting your backpack fall off your shoulders, “Not bad, no,” you took your own coffee from the tray, “I guess I underestimated you guys a little bit.”

He shook his head, “We’re just trying to make up time.”

“Oh? Was the guilt trip effective yesterday, then?” you chuckled.

His lips curled into a smirk, “Something like that.”

You paused for a moment as you looked around again, “Juice here? I thought I saw his bike out front.”

His expression shifted as he tried to bite back a laugh, “Yea, yea, he’s here,” he nodded towards the door that led to what you assumed they finally turned into an office, “Got an interview going on.”

“Oh,” you nodded a sip of your drink, “Nice,” you paused for a beat, “When the hell did you guys get here?”

“Early,” he took a long sip from the cup in his hand, “Thanks for the coffee.”

You shrugged, offering a polite smile, “Sure.”

“Can I ask you somethin’?” he waited, and when you motioned for him to continue, he did, “What the hell are you doing working in a place like this? Thought you said you had a degree?”

You shook your head, “Not that simple. I, um, I needed a fresh start somewhere. Ended up here,” you looked around, “No buyer’s remorse yet.”

“Yet?” he chuckled.

“I’m still new in town. We’ll see,” you gave him a small smile.

It was surprising, yet not, how quickly you all completed the final stretch once the rest of the club started pitching in a little more. It seemed like in no time they had hired a decent number of staff and wrapped up the last few things so that the business could actually open. And then it did.

The entire vibe changed once things were up and running. You were still Juice’s right hand, and it was interesting to see the way that he stepped up to the plate a bit, but it was just as interesting to see the way that the rest of the club actually let him. You couldn’t say that you knew the members or understood the dynamics super well, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Juice was somewhere near the bottom of the totem pole in the MC. Still, they let him man the ship, and it was all working out well because of that.

You were in your glory. No matter what you thought your life was going to look like a few months prior before you’d stumbled into Charming, it wouldn’t have compared to this. No amount of degrees or internships or whatever used to be in your plans could’ve beaten out the pure happiness and excitement that came from running the doggie daycare with Juice. It was absolute chaos every day. Semi-organized chaos, but still chaos. And you loved every second of it.

You were sitting inside the pen with a couple of the smaller, much younger dogs that now frequented your daycare. They were just a little too young, a little too small, to be let into the larger pen with the bigger dogs. You didn’t mind that one bit, though, taking any free time you got to sit and play with them. You were in the midst of being lovingly clobbered by an army of little paws when you heard someone clear their throat behind you.

Jax smiled, shaking his head at you, “Hey, darlin’.”

Despite the roll of your eyes, you smiled, knowing that you could spray him with the water bottle a thousand times over and he would still call you by the pet name he seemed so attached to, “What’s up, Teller?”

“Juice around?”

You spent more time with the club members than you used to, especially since they seemed to pop into the building more often to get their own dose of dog-time, but you still never picked up using the nickname they had for the man who had very quickly become one of your favorite people in Charming.

You nodded towards the back door, “Juan’s out back with a couple of the dogs,” you paused, searching Jax’s face, waiting for his expression to falter, “Everything alright?”

He shot you the same slick smile he had weeks before, “Everything’s fine. You worry too much.”

He was right, but could he really blame you? It wasn’t worth the argument, though, “Keep proving me wrong and we won’t have a problem,” you joked, but not really.

“Yes ma’am,” he leaned down, scratching one puppy gently behind the ears before heading off to find Juice.

You watched him as he walked away, wondering what their conversation was going to be about. Before Jax could make it out the door, Juice came bounding back inside, a pair of dogs at his heels. He and Jax both laughed as they tried to maneuver out of the way and not trip over the dogs who were eagerly sniffing at Jax’s sneakers.

“You got a sec, bro?” Jax asked.

“Uh, yea,” things had been going extremely well, but that question still sent a jolt of anxiety through Juice’s system. Gesturing towards the office, the two of them started to make their way. Once Juice shut the office door behind them, he turned back to Jax, trying to look more confident than he felt, “What’s up?”

“Things are running smoothly here, right?”

Juice shrugged, “Uh, yea, I think so. It’s been…it’s been great. Why?”

“You think you still need to be here to manage the day-to-day?”

Juice’s heart dropped into his stomach. He hadn’t thought about the fact that things going well would expedite him being pulled and put onto whatever project the guys decided to get into next. Truthfully, working with you made him completely forget that this wasn’t the endgame for him. You’d become such a fixture in his routine. He also knew, though, that if the club pulled him for something else, you would be able to handle it. The transition wouldn’t be too difficult, especially since the two of you pretty much ran the show together at this point anyway.

Jax could see the thoughts running through Juice’s head. Tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he shrugged, “If she’s not ready to take over, I get it. I just need—”

“No,” he cut him off, not wanting Jax to think that the hesitation was born out of a lack of faith in you, “That’s…that’s not it. She’s great,” he looked towards the door even though he couldn’t see you through the small window in it, ��She’s…fuckin’ perfect for this, honestly. She’s good with the dogs, good with the people,” he gestured vaguely to the paperwork on the desk, “good with the books.”

“Good,” Jax nodded, smirking slightly as he waited for Juice to get to the conflict of it all. He studied Juice’s face for a beat longer, “Why do I feel like there should be a but here?”

Juice let out a deep sigh, “It’s not…her,” running his hands back over his head so that they landed, interlocked on the back of his neck, “I like it here.”

Jax stopped fighting the smirk, letting it take over his expression, “Do you?”

Juice rolled his eyes, “Don’t be like that.”

Jax chuckled, “C’mon, Juan, anyone with a goddamn set of eyes can see why you like it here. You ask her out yet?”

Juice scoffed, like it was the most ridiculous notion in the world, “I’m not gonna ask her out.”

“Why not?”

“Because she works here?”

Jax laughed, “Don’t act like you care about that, bro.”

“If she says no…”

“I don’t think she will.”

“Yea,” Juice shook his head, “because you know her so well.”

“I’m just saying, that the girl who is currently sitting out there letting herself get mauled by puppies, doesn’t seem like someone who is gonna shoot you down. She’s stuck around you this long, right?”

It wasn’t like Jax was the person that Juice would ordinarily seek out for relationship advice. But Juice had to admit, that this was probably the first time in recent history, if ever, that Jax was actually optimistic about a girl Juice was interested in. He wondered if that was a good sign or a terrible one.

“I’ll put a pin in the conversation about pulling you off of this if you ask her out,” Jax offered, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Juice let out a laugh of disbelief, “You can’t, you can’t do that.”

Jax shrugged, “Sure I can,” he stepped back and pulled the office door open, “Think about it,” he let out a quiet laugh as he exited the office.

Jax made his way back towards the front of the building, back towards the door to leave. You’d extracted yourself from the pile of puppies that you’d previously been buried under and were back behind the reception desk. You still had a small dog cradled in your lap as you typed on the computer, and Jax couldn’t help but to shake his head at the sight.

Looking up, you raised your eyebrows at him, “All good?”

He nodded, “Yea, so stop asking that,” he laughed, pausing for a moment before asking, “Any of my other guys still here?”

You shrugged, “They filter in and out a lot. Your sergeant at arms was here not too long ago, getting his ankles bit by a chihuahua who has no use for him.”

He nodded towards the dog in your lap, “That one?” Jax laughed when you nodded in response, “How’d Happy take that?”

“Not well,” you laughed, “I think he might’ve left.”

Walking up to the desk, he leaned against it so that he was directly in front of you. He waited for you to stop typing and look over at him before he spoke up, “You still liking it here? Planning on sticking around?”

You shrugged, nodding, “Yea, I don’t see any reason to leave. Why? You hear rumors?”

He chuckled, shaking his head, “Nah, just making sure you still don’t have any buyers remorse.”

You smiled, “I don’t.”

“Good,” Jax rapped his knuckles against the desk as he made his way to leave, “’Cause I don’t know what Juice would do without you here at this point.

It was the end of the night, all the dogs had been picked up by their respective owners, you sent the other employees home a while before. The whole building was quiet, which felt strange these days. It used to be nothing but silence in the beginning when it was just you and Juice, but that felt like such a distant memory now that it was usually filled with the hustle and bustle of dogs and puppies and workers and the men from the MC popping in and out all the time. The comfortable chaos had become home, and when it was quiet now, it almost felt wrong.

You were closing out a last few things from the day, trying to get a head start on the schedule for the following week. You knew that Juice was still there, that he was wrapping things up in the office, but you still jumped a bit when you heard him clear his throat to get your attention.

He let out a nervous laugh, an apologetic smile spreading across his face, “Sorry.”

“No,” you smiled and waved off the apology, “Don’t be. I just get in the zone sometimes, you know?”

“Trust me, I get it.”

Taking a deep breath, you ran your hands down your face before finally admitting that maybe it was time to call it a day. Shutting down the computer, you looked over at Juice, “You alright?”

“Yea,” he nodded, although the look in his eyes was less convincing, “Yea I’m good.”

“You sure?” you hopped out of your chair and grabbed your bag off the floor, “Everything go alright with Jax today?” he nodded but you could sense the hesitation, “What’d you guys talk about?” you knew it wasn’t really your business but you couldn’t stop yourself.

Juice was telling you the truth before he thought better of it, “We were talking about pulling me off this project.”

Your chest tightened more than you thought it would at news like that, “Oh.”

“He’s not,” he quickly amended his statement, “We’re not. I’m not going anywhere yet.”

You let out a quiet sigh of relief, “Oh, good.”

The two of you walked towards the main doors, “You probably could run this place on your own, though, you know,” Juice said.

“Please don’t make me do that,” you joked as you locked the door once the two of you stepped outside.

“You’re not dying to get rid of me?” the boyish grin on his face made your heart melt.

“Of course not,” you toyed with the keys to your truck, “You’re like, my second favorite thing about working here.”

“Second?” he laughed.

You chuckled, “First is the dogs, obviously. Second is you. But a very close third is watching the rest of your biker buddies flounder and get chased around by everything from chihuahuas to rottweilers. Great entertainment.”

“I wouldn’t be mad if I came in third to that, honestly,” he joked.

There were a few beats of silence as he walked over to your truck with you. You couldn’t help but ask, “You thinking of leaving?”

His eyes grew wide as he shook his head, “No, no, not at all. Jax was the one who mentioned it. I, uh, I told him I didn’t want to leave.”

“Really?”

“Yea,” he nervously tucked his hands into his pockets, “I just, I really like working here. With you.”

The last part he said so quietly that you almost missed it. Your heart skipped a beat in your chest as you smile, “I like working here with you too,” you paused, chuckling, “I still can’t believe you hired me based off me saying that I used to dog-sit as a parttime gig in college.”

“Really?” he laughed, “I totally believe it.”

“I’m glad you did,” you nodded, leaning back against the side of your truck.

“I love all this,” he nodded towards the building, “what we got going now. But I do, I dunno, I do miss when it was just the two of us all the time,” his face felt like it was on fire and he instantly regretted saying the words.

Your face warmed at the sentiment, “It was fun, huh? Despite the fact that we didn’t know what the fuck we were doing.”

“Speak for yourself,” he laughed, “I still don’t know what I’m doing.”

You smiled, shaking your head. You waited for a moment, watching the tiny shifts in his expression, “What’re you thinking, Juan?”

“Nothing,” he shook his head, but it wasn’t convincing.

“Liar,” you laughed.

He smiled but still couldn’t quite look you in the eye, “No, it’s, I just, I don’t wanna say something and make things weird.”

“Well. Now it’s gonna be weird if you don’t say it. So you might as well,” you reached out, resting your hand on his shoulder for a fleeting moment, “What’s up?”

“I really like you,” it was like the brief contact forced the words out of him. His eyes blew wide open as he realized what he said, “I don’t, it’s not like,” he took a breath to try and get his words together, “I know you probably don’t feel the same way, and, and that’s fine. You’re just really funny, and smart, and honestly after watching you with all the dogs here I’m not totally convinced that you’re not secretly a Disney princess,” he laughed nervously, “I just…I think you’re really great.”

You wouldn’t have been able to dial back the grin on your face even if you tried, “I think you’re really great too.”

His expression brightened, “Yea?”

You laughed, nodding, “Yea.”

“You think I could take you out sometime?”

You smiled, “I think I could make that work, move some things around in my work schedule.”

He laughed, “I think I know a guy who can help with that.”

You bit down lightly at your bottom lip in an attempt to contain your grin, “Oh really?”

He wanted to kiss you, but he knew he wasn’t going to be brave enough to do it. His palms were already starting to sweat just from telling you that he liked you. There was no way he was going to be able to survive anything more without driving himself to a heart attack.

“I’ll, um, I’ll let you get home. I’ll see you tomorrow?” he sounded hopeful, like it wasn’t a guarantee that you’d be there.

You laughed, “That’s a pretty safe bet, yea.”

“Cool,” the shy, dorky grin on his face made your heart melt.

He turned to walk away and you shook your head, reaching out for his arm as you spoke, “Juan, wait.”

He turned back, caught between focusing on the heat from your hand as he soaked into his arm, and the look in your eyes as they locked onto his, “Yea, what’s—”

You cut him off, leaning in and pressing your lips to his. He was surprised at first, hesitant, but once he realized that it was really happening, he leaned right into it. He could feel the way your lips curled into a smile as he pulled you in closer, tighter, like it might be the first and last time he got to do that. Your thumb grazed along his cheek and he melted into your touch like it was second-nature.

When you finally pulled away, you were both out of breath, faces warm like you were two teenagers sneaking in a kiss goodbye past curfew. Resting your palm on the leather of his kutte, you said, “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

His smile was bright as his heart pounded inside his chest, “Can’t wait.”

[illumilu]

there’s only one bed” - illumi zoldyck x reader

a/n: a very stereotypical cliche for fanfics, but, yk what? cringe makes the world go round. so here, have my drabbling of what would happen if you were to spend an unwanted night in the same hotel bed as the adultrio. i feel like i may have made this way too long again, but who cares?? this time it’s with illumi! aka loml ...

summary: after a lengthy car trip, you arrive at the hotel with illumi, but to your horror (wink wink), there’s only one bed. including: you dreaming abt him when he’s literally right in front of you (embarrassing). this is part two of a three-part series, with the adultrio. hisoka is already written and chrollo will be coming soon!

warnings: no particular trigger warnings, lowercase intended, a lot of fluff! and cuddling! only on your part though, since illumi is basically awkwardness personified... no nsfw <3

illumi zoldyck:

- the trip to the hotel had taken 6 hours. 6 hours in which you had fallen asleep multiple times, cramped your legs, somehow made every sleeping position dangerously uncomfortable, cracked your neck and twisted your back, possibly to the point of no return.

- for mr zoldyck, or rather, “illumi”, as he had instructed you to call him, the trip was no problem. his upbringing, which consisted of mainly torture, included staying awake for as long as a fortnight at a time. 6 hours may as well have been a few minutes. 

- “the silent son of the zoldycks” was his reputational nickname, or, rather, “lifeless koi fish”, as your friend, hisoka, enjoyed calling him. either way, illumi was not going to let a car ride tire him.

- when you had first met him, he had scared you. a lot. the entire “trained dangerous traumatised assassin” storyline was one that felt like a threat. you were undoubtedly taking a risk by working with him, but it was one you were willing to; it may have been twisted, but murder was your forte, and you were searching for a partner.

- over time, you had grown to be less intimidated by him.

- you were now colleagues with him, working on a new assassination.

- shockingly, planning murder took time, and who better to plan it with than the assassin himself? you had spent the past day on a “business trip”, paid for by illumi’s grandfather, where you sized up the area and familiarised yourself with yorknew.

- all for the big night.

- tonight was the day before the murder of the ten dons.

- illumi and kalluto would carry out the murder, while you made sure everything went smoothly, via a small mic attached to his clothes. the entire operation was based on trust, and would therefore be executed like clockwork.

- you had taken the necessary mental images and kept the targets in mind; all that was left was a night at a pre-booked hotel and then it would be go-time.

- you had assumed that the hotel would be high-class, with doormen, perhaps some marble flooring and pillars - it was the zoldycks who were paying, after all, and you knew they had money to spare. 

- “we’re here.” illumi stated blankly, face reflecting in the window. admittedly, he did look a little bit like a koi fish.

- you nudged past him to look out of the window, leaning over to get a good view.

- oh.

- it seemed you had made quite the overestimation. it was a simple, plain building with a few stories. no doormen or extravagance could be sighted.

- you supposed keeping a low profile was important, but the depressing accommodation was somehow making you wearier.

- the two of you didn’t exchange any conversation on the way up to your room, but you were used to that. 

- you and illumi had met around 5 months ago, and most of it had been comfortable silence. you hadn’t expected it to be like that - in all honesty, you had expected him to kill you - but illumi seemed... calm around you. 

- it was probably because you shared such an odd passion with him; the logistics of murder. you assumed it gave him a chance to loosen his harsh demeanour and enjoy himself. the both of you had worked on multiple murders together, focusing on theory and planning, but this was a huge assassination. nevertheless, you knew he could pull it off; illumi was smart, you had to give him that.

- finally, you arrived at your hotel room, sighing from the lengthy stairway winding up to your unnecessarily high room. you assumed it was for safety purposes, but for god’s sake; why did safety have to be so enervating?

- illumi pushed the door open, and you walked in with him. finally, you could catch some rest.

- except, you couldn’t. 

- a singular bed placed in the middle of the room.

- “why.” you thought to yourself tiredly. 

- you stood there silently, waiting for him to say something. 

- then, you remembered that he was illumi. he obviously wouldn’t see anything wrong with the situation. 

- the bastard.

- it didn’t help that he gave you no visible reaction when you stared at him with your face scrunched up expectantly, as if to ask what his plan was.

- “is there a problem, y/n?” illumi asked, his tone flat as usual.

- you took a deep, worn out breath, clearing your throat.

- after a bit, you shook your head. this was strictly professional. illumi wouldn’t do anything, because he was illumi. nothing would happen.this was an important night, where rest and a clear mind were essential. blame it on the fatigue, and nothing else. you were just exhausted. there was nothing else to it. nothing.

- “no. i’m just a little tired.” you dismissed.

- a silence skimmed past.

- “my grandfather... he often tends to be absentminded. occasionally, he forgets to do certain things, or plan them correctly, i suppose. you could say this is a prime example of such.”

- “zeno forgot another goddamn bed, hm?” you laughed nervously.

- illumi stared at you once again, blinking a few times, in a methodical manner, face neutral and robotic. you smiled awkwardly and remembered that he was not one to laugh at jokes. or anything, for that matter. 

- you wondered if he laughed at bloodshed. or maybe hisoka.

- “i’m going to... go to set up my stuff now.” 

- turning your back to illumi, you winced at the uncomfortable air. even after all your time with him, you never learnt to stop trying to lighten the mood. the mood was literally just always unnatural, in some way. that was another one of illumi’s specialties.

- after some time, in which you had finalized tomorrow's plan and each changed into comfortable clothes, you watched illumi tie his hair up from across the room. 

- his hair had always fascinated you. 

- you had always wanted to touch it. honestly, even when you had first met him, apart from his magnetic eyes, you had been drawn to his hair. you imagined it felt like silk sheets, caressing over one’s hands as smoothly as honey. you were glad he grew it out; in fact, upon seeing his teenage photos, you had laughed so hard you ended up getting a nosebleed from hitting your face. illumi had been left in confusion for a while.

- you realized how random you sounded. why were you reminiscing so much? 

- shaking yourself back to your senses, you admired as he artfully twisted his hair into a loose bun, strands of hair cupping his elegant, pale face.

- what a beautiful koi fish.

- most people couldn’t compute that illumi had true, human feelings. after all, it would be hard to believe a man like him felt anything. but, of course, he did, unhealthily so. he channeled all his trauma and hurt into his villainy, and received happiness from his villainy, anger from his villainy and occasionally fear from his villainy.  however, there was one emotion he could never grasp. he hated himself for it, but soon realised he could manipulate his hatred into villainy, too.

- illumi was a man who could manipulate anyone or anything he wished. 

- except himself.

- internally, he had always felt at a loss whenever he confronted his emotions. but, after he had met you, something had changed. as he caught you staring at his hair through the hotel mirror, he couldn’t help but feel something small stir inside of his stomach. not evil, not happiness, not hatred, not anger. perhaps, friendship?

- this tinge of new emotion inside of him initially made him feel uneasy, but that worry morphed into giddiness, a childish high buzzing somewhere in his core.

- eventually, he stood up to face you and suggested going to sleep. you checked the time on the wall clock. 8 in the evening. well, illumi had always been particular. you agreed that rest was essential for tomorrow.

- you hesitantly took the left side, and, upon seeing your choice, illumi followed to lie on the right.

- after a few minutes, you looked back at him, noticing illumi fell asleep abnormally quickly. you furrowed your brow quizzically at the rock-like manner he was in. frankly, he looked like a plank when he slept. you almost laughed, but held it in for his sake. 

- he had a very specific sleep schedule, as did the other zoldycks. he could go to sleep immediately at his own command, and stayed perfectly still as he did so. he woke up at 5 in the morning every single day, without fail, almost like he had some sort of alarm clock planted in his body. 

- looking at him lying there like a block, you smiled softly. illumi was quite the conundrum to you. you often speculated whether he ever got what he deserved; love, affection, anything really. you knew about his past from when he had told you nonchalantly, within a few weeks of your acquaintance. you always hoped he’d find someone to love him, but doubted whether people would bother looking beyond his bleak surface, and into his excellent mind. lost in thought, you found yourself getting drowsier. you also fell asleep generally quickly, limbs aching from the stupid car ride.

- the night passed.

- illumi was the first to wake up at 5am, stoic and in the same place he had fallen asleep in. no surprise there.

- but you. 

- that was the first thing he saw when his eyes opened.

- he did not expect you to be lying on him lazily, snuggling into his body, arm and leg comfortably wrapped around his side. you were breathing lightly, face burrowing onto the ridge of his chest.

- i suppose you didn’t expect to be there either, which he realized, but the point still remained.

- why were on you his chest.

- “y/n.”

- no answer.

- illumi could have pushed you away; in fact, he could have blown you 983 metres away (his personal record). 

- but he didn’t.

- it wasn’t the thought of disturbing your comfort that stopped illumi from hurling you into oblivion. it wasn’t the fact that he explicitly enjoyed it, either. he remembered that the mission was today; if he were to wake you, and you hadn’t slept enough, you wouldn’t be at your upmost performance.

- the murder of the ten dons was his priority, right? yes. it was. there was no doubt about it. that was the only and final reason he wouldn’t wake you. end of discussion. 

- so, illumi stayed there, waiting for you to wake up and get off of him. 30 minutes passed, and he watched you for every single one.

- hard as it was to admit, watching you rise and fall in sync with his chest made the spark of emotion in his core grow fervently. what had that foreign feeling been? yesterday, he had settled at friendship, but now he wasn’t so sure.

- you looked so peaceful while you slept. less confusing. he remembered the time you had accidentally complimented his hair when the two of you had first met. he had found that amusing. he remembered the time you got a nosebleed from hitting your face too hard - it was after laughing at his teenage pictures, which perplexed him greatly. he remembered the times you two had sat together, working and theorizing on missions, accidentally meeting eyes or brushing hands. one time, you had dipped one of his pins in ink and scratched his name on some paper “for fun”. you had handed it to him and, for some unknown reason, the scrap was still tucked safely in his wallet. your unrivaled intelligence, your idiotic sense of humour, your smile, your lack of common sense, your twinkling eyes that so ironically contrasted his, everything. everything crossed his mind while he lay there.

- illumi found it strange how people remembered the oddest things at the oddest times. 

- why did he think of that now, as you were sleeping? even worse, on the day of a meticulously planned assassination. why couldn’t he manipulate his emotions to stop fluctuating around you so much?

- it all frustrated him.

- why had he let you call him by “illumi” so quickly? mr zoldyck would have been fine. and why had he been so lenient with your antics? no one else got to touch his pins. why did he feel like keeping you on his chest forever, and keeping you safe? most importantly, why was he thinking about you so much?

- his contemplation came to a halt when he heard you stir a little in your sleep.

-  finally, you’d wake up and he could forget about this entire problem.

- he watched you, expecting you to get up soon.

- you began shuffling around, brushing against his chest, and soon your eyes fluttered open, hazy and glazed over. it almost seemed like you were still in a dream, in some sort of half-sleep.

- “huh?” you whispered quietly, still lying on illumi. you looked up lazily, meeting eyes with him.

- “oh... i get it...” you hummed quietly, falling back onto his chest.

- he furrowed his brows.

- “why are you here?” you hugged him from the side, softly laughing at your ridiculous dream. he tensed up at you embracing him, but soon relaxed after realizing what was going on.

- illumi looked at you, one eyebrow raised. did you... think you were dreaming?

- to be honest, he found it kind of entertaining, the way you were fawning over him. if he let you stay there, he could figure out a lot of things about his newly found emotion. it could be worth it. just not today.

- illumi came back to his senses fairly quickly; you were obviously awake now, so why couldn’t you get off of him already?

- “y/n.”

- “mmm? what? so serious all the damn timeee, illum-” 

- “you aren’t dreaming. get off.”

- SHIT

- SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

- you jolted off him immediately, staring down at illumi zoldyck. 

- the real illumi zoldyck.

- oh my god what. what. what. what.

- every nerve in your body began to panic, and, in the stress of trying to find the correct words to say, you just ended up making some sort of incomputable “aaaahhh” noise and jumping off the bed.

-  illumi had finally gotten up and was now staring concernedly at you.

- an awkward pause.

- “let me just start by saying i did not-”

- “y/n. we have more pressing priorities for today. i don’t care.”

- illumi zoldyck had lied. even to himself. he did care. and so what if he ignored it until it festered so intensely inside of him he couldn’t do anything but tell you? he cared about you. and he knew it.

- “ok. you’re right. you’re right! illumi. one question. was i like that the whole night?”

- “i don’t know. i woke up at 5 and you were there.”

- you looked at the clock. it was 6am? what had he been doing for an hour? you opened your mouth to ask but closed it soon after. you recalled your thoughts about illumi growing up void of affection, or love, or appreciation. 

- some questions were best left unanswered.

- “how long was i... mumbling like that?”

- “a few minutes.”

- you gulped. there were a few things you had to come to terms with. shutting your eyes firmly, you apologised profusely, annoyed at yourself.

- “y/n. i don’t care.” he lied once again.

- “you’re right!” you rambled - “the ten dons are today! it doesn’t matter what i said... none of it matters, we can both just forget it!”

- you sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than anyone.

- “so all we need to do is go over the plan one last time, get kalluto, and then we’ll carry it out, and soon enou-”

- “stop it. you’re wasting time. just go and get ready.”

- you sighed and smiled weakly. on the inside, you were sure your soul had died a little.

- while you left to change, overcome by embarrassment, illumi lingered by the bed for a few seconds. he tried to push down whatever he was currently feeling, but it was no use. the feeling in his core had risen up to his throat, a burst of something waiting to leave his lips. 

- for the first time in a while, illumi zoldyck smiled. not at murder, or at power, or fulfillment, or achievement, or even villainy.

- illumi zoldyck had smiled at the thought of you.

- let’s just say illumi had trouble focusing on his mission. 

i am honestly so fucking sorry you had to read that whole thing. the way i am literally in love with illumi zoldyck and ended up writing 2857 words bye bye bye i’m so sorry!!! PLZ what?? anyways,, i feel like i heavily underwrote hisoka now, since i did such a prologue thing for this! honestly i feel like this one came out a little boring, im sorry again AAAAA just agh; chrollo should b coming when i have time but i have exams rn so idkkkk hh

either way, likes or reblogs or whatever are super appreciated, but don’t feel forced to or anything! either way, i feel like no one’s gonna see this with my reach LMAOO but anyways thank you for reading, if you made it here! feedback and tips for writing on here are always helpful :)