#why is so much awful stuff happening in the world and i'm so helpless to impact it because i need to look after myself first or i will break

[danieyells]

i am tired and frustrated because technology is against me and i am in pain and the painkillers are not killing the pain despite being prescription strength and i am experiencing emotional/hormonal suffering as well for no particular reasons and my fridge decided to open in the middle of the night and it was wet and drippy and everything was thawing out including the like $8 worth of ice cream i bought the other day

Maybe i will take a nap and hopefully feel better afterwards assuming i can sleep in the first place

[the-milk-monarch]

Hello! I just want ya to know that u are my favorite writer for tdi in all honesty. I love how thought out your work is and how detailed it is. I saw that you wrote for Cody If so, could you possibly write a thing about how they would act if the reader was Chris’s favorite intern, and would sneak free gifts to help them in challenges (not that big just little small things) like a sweater for when they are somewhere cold, or a cookie if chefs cooking was bad. Could they also be confident and funny? (Strong reader supremacy).

I know you have a lot on your plate, it’s ok to deny or take as long as you need. Feel free to use this idea for other charecters :)

I love this gif

☣ Aw that's so sweet to hear, tysm!! I never thought anyone would enjoy my writing so much so that's really lovely to hear 🫶 I try my best to write well thought out stuff bc I honestly enjoy thinking about it lol

[𝙲𝙷𝚁𝙸𝚂'𝚂 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙽 𝚂/𝙾]

Summary: Reader gives Cody their jacket at Yukon + general headcanons. ☢︎ | Total Drama | ~1k words | gender-neutral reader ♡ | Cody ⚠ | haven't rewatched the episode so I'm only writing the episode as I remembered it with the help of the wiki lol

[𝙲𝚘𝚍𝚢]

⚠︎ | setting: Total Drama: World Tour

Cody really likes being around you.

You emit energy that just gives him that daily boost.

Whether it's your confidence and lightheartedness or a good joke, he usually has a smile while hanging around you.

He also likes to join in on playing the comedian with you if he feels creative, so you're a fun duo!

He's curious why Chris likes you so much.

I mean, he can see why, you're like, the best person ever to be around, (in his opinion) but still.

And you're kind enough to share anything extra with him!

You got him by a surprise when it first happened, as at the time you were friendly, but only briefly spoke to each other.

Next on the trip list was "Yukon". You knew it was gonna be cold. But being the TV host's favorite intern wasn't that bad, you knew you were probably gonna get decent clothing. As you expected, the temperature was freezing. But of course, Chris couldn't be cold, so he got himself a cozy and stylish jacket. You and Chef also got the blessing of getting something warm to wear, unlike the rest of the campers. You felt some hope after Chris announced that he ordered the jackets for the others, but it quickly washed away when you heard his response to Heather that "they should arrive in six to eight weeks". You sighed, but ultimately you were helpless to do anything. You took a liking to Cody, he was fun to be around and you thought his "tough man" was both entertaining and kinda sweet. I mean, at least he tried, right? You started talking in the short moments when you both had a break and a chance to interact with someone in between the challenges. You never went out of your way to help anyone as it was technically cheating, but you felt like you had to do something when you saw Cody freezing after he fell into the cold water and Sierra had to rescue him. You saw her throw him on the land from the floating ice block, thinking he's somewhat safe now, until you heard the abrupt sound of him hitting the nearby mountains which made you cringe from the secondhand pain. Once the camera focused on the other contestants trying to make it through the challenge, you sneakily approached Cody, who was visibly shaking while laying on his back and processing what just happened. "Oof- Dude, you alright?" You hovered above him with a concerned look on your face. "Y-Y/N?" He managed to stutter out while the cold tried to shut up him up. You offered him a hand so he could get up, to which he accepted with a shaking grip. Without a word, you gave him the only thing you had on you, your jacket. "T-That's for me?" He asked, a bit in disbelief for your kind act. "Of course, I can't let you freeze to death." You quickly explained with a smile on your face. "But what about you?" He questioned once more, seeing as you had nothing else to put on. "Hey, I haven't fallen into the freezing water, did I?" You pointed out, although you appreciated him worrying about you as well. "R-Right." He flashed a shaky smile and extended his hand as you passed him the clothing item. "T-Thank you." He tried to keep his teeth from grinding, which stopped as soon as he put it on. The cold was still biting your ass, but at least you felt good knowing he wasn't about to die anymore. Cody started to feel a bit awkward seeing you start to shake, though. "Hey- now that you're the one being cold, I feel kinda selfish here." He admitted, halfly-joking. You took a second before responding. "Well- There's always an option with huddling for warmth" You responded, also halfly-serious. You didn't mind close contact and free warmth, so you hoped Cody wouldn't either. "Unless you got cold feet." You heard a slight chuckle come out of his lips after your words. "Okay. But only to break the ice." He put on a grin which showed his goofy tooth gap. He was pleasantly surprised with the amount of casualness from you, but also a bit lost on how to act, so he resorted to lightning up the mood as well. You reciprocated the giggle and stepped closer, feeling his body against yours. He hesitated a little, but finally embraced you into his arms. "Don't let Sierra see you though, you might make some enemies with her after that." He warned you only slightly serious about it.

Cody was far more casual and friendly with you after that one kind gesture.

And with time, he began to see you as legit one of the closest people he got to meet on the show.

But the thing that made him enamored in you was when you got to his heart through his stomach.

You knew that the teams had to endure Chef's horrible cooking each time they lost, and you were glad when you didn't have to worry about the food being a probable cause of your death when Chris gave you your share of the meals. So, naturally you also wanted to grant that opportunity to your close acquaintance as well. Per usual, you approached Cody after you had a moment to yourself. "Hey Codemeister, what's up?" He turned his head towards you as he heard the familiar tone of your voice. "Y/N, hey!" His face lighted up and he straightened his back to properly look at you while sitting on the crappy, wooden seat, "Had your dinner already?" You asked casually, sitting next to him. "If that's what you call it- yeah." He cringed at the economy class food. "Why?" "Well, I just had this cookie that i conveniently kept for you, so..." You slightly teased as your hand slowly got the packaged, delicious goods out of your pocket. "What, dude, no way!" He gasped slightly as he saw the cookie in it's glory. "It's mine?" "Yeah." You nodded with a smile, already happy about his excited reaction. "You're amazing!" He attacked you with a hug without thinking twice. You felt Sierra staring daggers at you.

[anxious-witch]

What a year, huh? We all know I have to be emotional on tumblr.com whenever the opportunity arises because that's one way I allow myself to have an emotional catharsis (for legal reasons this a joke)

In all seriousness though, this year has been a lot for me. Both in a good and bad sense, but Käärijä and Joker Out improved it significantly. And more importantly, their fandoms. (More inder the cut bc this is long af)

I have never really been someone who knows anything about the artists' whose music I listened to. Before this, I don't think I ever listened to a full album of someone, just random songs that I liked. Finding stuff from personal life of bands/musicians I liked usually made me depressed so I didn't bother.

Then, ESC 2023. happened. I frankly have no idea what flipped the switch in my head. Bojere interactions? The way people on tumblr were so welcoming even back when I was mostly posting about Let 3 and Käärijä only? I don't know, I only know that we are here now, regardless.

Another thing about me is that I used to be very pessimistic person. Likez genuinely. I have been "unofficially"(long story) diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 11, which is over a decade now. I always had a lot of bad experiences with people and really awful trust issues. I have been doing better for some time now, but it is very hard to let go of the feeling of pessimism and helplessness. In a world where awful things happen every second, what can I possibly do that would change anything?

Then ESC happened. Käärijä lost and I thought "another injustice that will never be corrected". Except, instead of feeling defeated, everyone just loved him more. In those weeks after and later on months, all I have seen had been unrelenting love and acceptance of Jere. Reminding him that despite not winning Eurovision, he is our winner and we'll forever think of him as such. Jere who has a wonderfully belly and strong thighs and is short and by no means is he conventional in any sense. And people loved him not despite all that but because all that. Because we all found ways to relate to him, or to what he went through.

His story of almost dying and still getting where he did only served to highlight that more. Because of he did it, why can't we get to what we want? Why can't I? It shifted my whole perspective.

Then, Joker Out. It is so, so funny to me how I barely paid any attention to them during ESC, except for bojere interactions and was dragged in it by the shared fandom, when now I post most about them.

But yes, JO. A band from Slovenia that while tehnically isn't Balkan, felt so close to me. Like they could understand all the things I kept to myself because of where I was. And then they showed me there is still hope.

I have never seen a band from around here take a pride flag on the stage. Never. I know it's a thing, especially abroad, but God I have never seen that happen here. And with how much love they always took it! That's...wow. It gave me hope that not only is it possible for injustices to be corrected, but that ot's possible to do it even in the environment I'm in.

And then...the Virtual Letters Project happened. Or well positive confessions that @spockowhales turned into Virtual Letters Project.

That's when I knew it's truly possible. I have seen tumblr posts, yes. But getting stuff so directly addressed about or to JO made me realize how much of a "wave" they all created. So many people said they helped them with their depression, with viewing their world differentky with meeting new peoplez with daring to do something new.

I have no words to describe how much that meant to me and I really hope that when they read those letters, they understood the impact they had.

But even that aside, I want to thank everyone in this fandom. People I have talked to, people I have interacted with it any way, through replies, reblogs, likes, anon asks. I appreciate every single one of you for helping create such a wonderful space. We had our ups and downs in the fandom, but we are all here because we love these fandoms, these people so much to keep talking about it even months after.

Thank you and I wish everyone here a wonderful New Year with even more laugh, love and positivity ❤️ have a good one

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

Was Vita suddenly more interested in Seele than the others because she witnessed Seele saving her when they first met?

I don't know for sure! It could be that, or it could be because she read her mind and found her interesting. Remember, she's the narrator when they meet, so even if she was still physically very weak, she had omniscience to work with. She planted herself on their path to start following them around (engineered meet-cute??)

She does emphasize how cool Seele was, claiming she must have looked like an idiot but couldn't stop staring in awe, so it could be part regular physical attraction, doesn't have to be 100% deep psychological stuff.

THAT SAID...

My personal interpretation, especially based on their conversation in chapter 38, is that she likes Seele so much because Seele is set up as a paragon, someone who's unfailingly kind and determined to stay that way. Even in a battle to the death against someone who just annihilated an entire world, with her friends in it, she refuses to use her most destructive powers and gives Vita multiple chances to back down. That takes some balls ya know?

Further character analysis under the cut:

In that same ch38 conversation, Vita backhandedly tries to claim Seele must be sheltered to behave this way, that Seele must be secretly scared now that she's in REAL trouble, but she's firmly denied because Seele's determination is born of experience overcoming hardship. This unsettles Vita. Seele's faith that they can save this "hometown" after Vita has lost it over and over, unsettles Vita.

(We now know that she's actually lost her genuine "hometown", Phosphorus, EIGHT times to Sa's maniacal behavior. I'd even say Phosphorus and Salt Snow are quite similar in the innocence of their citizens, the peaceful atmosphere, the worship of a central religious figure, being threatened by Sa destroying it... and to make matters worse, it seems Hua's arc happens concurrently, so maybe Phosphorus is already in danger while Vita's in Salt Snow..! Man she's going through it.)

Vita lowered her eyes, not knowing whether to be nostalgic or uneasy. (...)

...No, in any case, she was not another "Vita". Her name is "Seele"…just like "Vita", not one syllable more, not one syllable less.

The uneasiness that was wrapped up in fate had nothing to do with the other person.

This bit makes me wonder whether Vita sees someone she once wanted to be in Seele. Failed to be. Would have liked to be. After all, she's not once succeeded in saving anyone, and unlike Seele, she's got quite the rotten personality after all— she admits it herself.

Hua: Why didn't you tell me about this before? Vita: Because I'm a bad, selfish woman. Hua: ? Vita: Hmm… Do you really want me to be more specific? I am… Vita: …I'm always trying to maximize my own interests, so I'm completely helpless when it comes to nice people like you and Seele.

Vita's claims that she's not nice, that she's a selfish villain and owns it, but she doesn't like it, and she's not completely sincere when she claims to be, either. At the end of chapter 39 she tells Seele she's irredeemable and won't even feel guilt because no one died this time, but that implies she does feel remorse for all the terrible hurt she's been in the middle of, yeah?

So, sure, she spends her time faking her personality and manipulating people, but she's not happy about it. One of the secret scenes in chapter 40 has her being extremely bothered by Marah telling her she's similar to Sa:

I hate repetitive work. Yes, the emphasis is on “repetitive”, not “work”.

Due to the nature of my work, the second I open my eyes, I have to be an outgoing, friendly girl who’s equally shrewd and oblivious.

As for why I need to act like that, who knows? Everyone just can’t resist that type of woman… Or, perhaps that kind of woman is disarming?

Being amiable means that we can get along well without any pressure, and the hint of shrewdness gives me a nice veil of mystery. As for being oblivious… Being oblivious makes a flawless person more adorable. Do you understand?

Undeniably, I’m really in my element at work with such a personality. But Marah said that I’m like “them”… The one from before. Haha… do we resemble each other though? Are those traits part of my nurture? Or, are they actually part of “our” nature? Among countless conversations, I tried to search for the answer to this question.

I listened to their complaints patiently, answered their questions sincerely, gave them hugs when they needed consolation, offered them gifts when they finally grew, and in the end, became their friend.

And that is what I hate the most!

I think she's seriously concerned about what she might do if left on her own. In chapter 41 she has this conversation with Hua:

Vita: What does tens of thousands of years of life feel like to you now? (...) Vita: Then… what if you are a hopeless villain? Vita: Think about it, since your meaning is irrelevant… if you plan to do something bad, no one can stop you? Hua: At one time it did seem possible. But not now. Vita: ..Because you have a "different" friend? Life is as long as you, and ability is as powerful as you? Hua: Heh… don't you know everything. Vita: …Yeah, I can imagine. Vita: (It's just… that doesn't suit me at all …… )

She's not asking for hypotheticals about how Sa could have gone better, she's talking about herself. Of course she doesn't say why it doesn't suit her, but I believe her self-perception as a bad person is pretty telling. How could someone like her find a suitable friend to hold her back?

(It's unclear when in the Salt Snow timeline this conversation happens besides that she already knows Seele and watched Senti fight at least once, but it's probably still before the final fight, her mood would change noticeably if she was finally freed and she's very withdrawn and bitter when Sa descends.

Also, earlier she notes that saying Sa's name too many times or doing things Sa doesn't like too much could alert her, so the telepathic link is probably still intact.

Just my guesses though.)

Vita obviously doesn't know many people with a lifespan comparable to hers, and while her power likely still varies with whatever Sa lets her have at this point, her manipulative side is a threat in its own right. Pretty difficult to find a friend who could overcome that and voluntarily stick around to boot!

Seele, though, with her unfailingly kind personality and sharp enough eye to see through Vita's lies? Especially once she's become a Herrscher? (Interestingly Vita calls Seele our Herrscher heh)

Seele is exactly this kind of impossibly good person she needs around to balance out her darkness.

At the end of chapter 39, Vita humbly calls Seele "my friend, if you'll allow me to call you that"— I think this conversation above, about Hua's friend who she can trust to keep her in line, is meant to echo that moment.

Additionally, I'm fairly certain the reason she stuck around to explain everything to Seele was the conversation she had with Red in one the secret scenes. Vita's initial reaction is to bear with people's hatred and keep living for herself, but Red tells her she still wants to talk to the little boy who started to hate her because it takes effort to become friends when you're strangers. Vita made an effort to make things right with Seele and be her friend, and even vowed to always support her no matter what. Vita is invested in Seele, enough to go against her first impulses to make things right.

But then she leaves to enjoy her freedom at the end of chapter 39— she wishes her a safe trip home. So is she not scared of being a bad person anymore? Nah, I don't think that's it. I think she just likes Seele too much to involve her in something terrible like say... herself.

See, it really is not suitable for her to have a friend to balance her out...

...she doesn't want to be a burden.

Plus she hardly accepts the little Vitas' affection to begin with, acting either coldly or insincerely with them, and the Vitas only have her. Seele has other friends, obligations and a home to return to already.

Bonus: The devs also had this to say about Vita's self perception:

Designer: Also a villain, but Vita doesn't feel so hateful.

Fanchuan: She is a pure dark color. You think she is evil, she doesn't think so. She is quite innocent at it.

An interesting thing to say about a self-admitted villain right? Her not being hateful is very noticeable, but saying Vita's evil is "innocent" and that she doesn't think she's evil seems to completely contradict what she's says about herself— like that she's a "bad and selfish woman".

There's a difference between thinking you're evil and thinking you're a bad person though.

Of course this talk isn't canon, just a Word of God, but think about it. She's a ruthless manipulator and she knows it, alright. Her acts and methods are quite problematic, she even looks down on people's struggles for their lives as boring and taunts them. Makes sense that people like Veliona see her as evil.

However, her intentions are innocent. Wanting to save Salt Snow or Phosphorus, wanting to spend time with friends, wanting to escape Sa's control, wanting to be free and happy, these are innocent desires.

In conclusion, Vita's a good girl at her core; she wants simple and good things, and she's concerned about doing bad things unimpeded. However, because of how she's lived her life, this girl is packaged with a rotten personality, and has no peer she's comfortable relying on.

Seele, however, is exactly the kind of person that could balance her out, and she's attracted to that goodness and determination, admiring how smart she is to see through Vita's lies and how kind she is to spare even Vita at her worst.

Also yeah, seems to think Seele's hot with a scythe.

The arc title being "Dance of Life and Death" suits Vita's struggles pretty well, doesn't it?

[writingwithcolor]

I'm writing an AU of a movie that takes place in the 1880s USA, where a travelling white character and a Jewish character are waylaid by Native Americans, who they befriend. Probably because it was written by and about PoC (Jews) the scene actually avoids the stuff on your Native American Masterpost, but I'd still like to do better than a movie made in the 1980's, and I feel weird cutting them from the plot entirely. I have a Jewish woman reading it for that, but are there any things you (1/1)

2/2 1880s western movie ask--are there things you'd LIKE to see in a movie where a white man and a Jewish man run into Native Americans in the 1880s? I do plan to base them on a real tribe (Ute, probably) and have proper housing/clothes and so forth, but right now I'm just trying to avoid or subvert awful cowboy movie tropes. Any ideas?

White and Jewish Men, Native American interactions in 1880s

I am vaguely concerned with how you only cite one of our posts about Native Americans, that was not written by a Native person, and do not cite any of the posts relating to this time period, or any posts relating to representation in media. 

Sidenote: if you want us to give accurate reflections of the media you’re discussing, please tell us the NAME. I cannot go look up this movie based off this description to give you an idea of what my issues are with this scene, and must instead trust that the representation is good based off your judgement. I cannot make my own judgement. This is a problem. Especially since your whole question boils down to “this scene is good but not great and I want it to be great. How can I do that?”

Your baseline for “good” could very well be my baseline for “terrible hack job”. I can’t give you the proper education required for you to be able to accurately evaluate the media you’re watching for racist stereotypes if you don’t tell me what you’re even working with.

When you’re writing fanfic where the media is directly relevant to the question, please tell us the name of the media. We will not judge your tastes. We need this information in order to properly help you.

Moving on.

I bring up my concern for you citing that one—exceptionally old—post because it is lacking in many of the tropes that don’t exist in the media critique field but exist in the real world. This is an issue I have run into countless times on WWC (hence further concern you did not cite any other posts) and have spoken about at length. 

People look at the media critique world exclusively, assume it is a complete evaluation of how Native Americans are seen in society, and as a result end up ignoring some really toxic stereotypes and then come to the inbox with “these characters aren’t abc trope, so they’re fine, but I want to rubber stamp them anyway. Anything wrong here?”. The answer is pretty much always yes. 

Issue one: “Waylaid” by Native Americans

This wording is extremely loaded for one reason: Native American people are seen as tricksters, liars, and predators. This is the #1 trope that shows up in the real world that does not show up in media critique. It’s also the trope I have talked about the most when it comes to media representation, so you not knowing the trope is a sign you haven’t read the entirety of the Native tag—which is in the FAQ as something we would really prefer you did before coming at us to answer questions. It avoids us having to re-explain ourselves.

Now, hostility is honestly to be expected for the time period the movie is set in. This is in the beginnings (or ramping up) of residential schools in America* and Canada, we have generations upon generations of stolen or killed children, reserves being allocated perhaps hundreds of miles from sacred sites, and various wars with Plains and Southwest peoples are in full force (Wounded Knee would have happened in 1890, in December, and the Dakoa’s mass execution would have been in 1862. Those are just the big-name wars. There absolutely were others). 

*America covers up its residential schools abuse extremely thoroughly, so if you try to research them in the American context you will come up empty. Please research Canada’s schools and apply the same abuse to America, as Canada has had a Truth and Reconciliation Commission about residential schools and therefore is more (but not completely) transparent about the abuse that happened. Please note that America’s history with residential schools is longer than Canada’s history. There is an extremely large trigger warning for mass child death when you do this research.

But just because the hostility is expected does not mean that this hostility would be treated well in the movie. Especially when you consider the sheer amount of tension between any Native actors and white actors, for how Sacheen Littlefeather had just been nearly beaten up by white actors at the 1973 Academy Awards for mentioning Wounded Knee, and the American Indian Religious Freedom Act had only been passed two years prior in 1978. 

These Native actors would not have had the ability to truly consent to how they were shown, and this power dynamic has to be in your mind when you watch this scene over. I don’t care that the writers were from a discriminated-against background. This does not always result in being respectful, and I’ve also spoken about this power imbalance at length (primarily in the cowboy tag).

Documentaries and history specials made in the 2010s (with some degree of academic muster) will still fall into wording that harkens Indigenous people to wolves and settlers as frightened prey animals getting picked off by the mean animalistic Natives. This is not neutral, or good. This is perpetuating the myth that the settlers were helpless, just doing their own thing completely unobtrusively, and then the evil territorial Native Americans didn’t want to share.

To paraphrase Batman: if I had a week I couldn’t explain all the reasons that’s wrong.

How were these characters waylaid by the Native population? Because that answer—which I cannot get because you did not name the media—will determine how good the framing is. But based on the time period this movie was made alone, I do not trust it was done respectfully.

Issue 2: “Befriending”

I mentioned this was in an intense period of residential schools and land wars all in that area. The Ute themselves had just been massacred by Mormons in the Grass Valley Massacre in 1865, with ten men and an unknown number of women and children killed thanks to a case of assumed association with a war chief (Antonga Black Hawk) currently at war with Utah. The Paiute had been massacred in 1866. Over 100 Timpanogo men had been killed, with an unknown number of women and children enslaved by Brigham Young in Salt Lake City in 1850, with many of the enslaved people dying in captivity (those numbers were not tracked, but I would assume at least two hundred were enslaved— that’s simply assuming one woman/wife and one child for every man, and the numbers could have very well been higher if any war-widows and their children were in the group, not to mention families with multiple children). This is after an unknown group of Indigenous people had been killed by Governor Brigham Young the year prior, to “permanently stop cattle theft” from settlers. 

The number of Native Americans killed in Utah in the 1800s—just the number of dead counted (since women and children weren’t counted)—in massacres not tied to war (because there was at least one war) is over 130. The actual number of random murders is much higher; between the uncounted deaths and how the Governor had issued orders to “deal with” the problem of cattle theft permanently. I doubt you would have been tried or convicted if you murdered Indigenous peoples on “your” land. This is why it’s called state sanctioned genocide.

This is not counting the Black Hawk War in Utah (1865-1872), which the Ute were absolutely a part of (the wiki articles I read were contradictory if Antonga Black Hawk was Ute or Timpanogo, but the Ute were part of it). The first official massacre tied to the war—the Bear River Massacre, ordered by the US Military—places the death count of just that singular massacre at over five hundred Shoshone, including elders, women, and children. It would not be unreasonable to assume that the number of Indigenous people killed in Utah from 1850, onward, is over a thousand, perhaps two or three.

Pardon me for not reading beyond that point to list more massacres and simply ballparking a number; the source will be linked for you to get an accurate number of dead.

So how did they befriend the Native population? Let alone see them as fully human considering the racism of the time period? Natives were absolutely not seen as fully human so long as they were tied to their culture, and assimilation equalling some sliver of respect was already a stick being waved around as a threat. This lack of humanity continues to the present day.

I’m not saying friendship is impossible. I am saying the sheer levels of mistrust that would exist between random wandering groups of white/pale men and Indigenous communities wouldn’t exactly make that friendship easy. Having the scene end be a genuine friendship feels ignorant and hollow and flattening of ongoing genocide, because settlers lied about their intentions and then lined you up for slauther (that’s how the Timpanogo were killed and enslaved).

Utah had already done most of its mass killing by this point. The era of trusting them was over. There was an active open hunting season, and the acceptable targets were the Indigenous populations of Utah.

(sources for the numbers: 

List of Indian Massacres in North America Black Hawk War (1865-1872))

Issue 3: “Proper housing/clothes and so forth”

Do you mean Western style settlements and jeans? If yes, congratulations you have written a reservation which means the land-ripped-away wounds are going to be fresh, painful, and sore.

You do not codify what you mean by “proper”, and proper is another one of those deeply loaded colonial words that can mean “like a white man” or “appropriate for their tribe.” For the time period, it would be the former. Without specifying which direction you’re going for, I have no idea what you’re imagining. And without the name of the media, I don’t know what the basis of this is.

The reservation history of this time period seems to maybe have some wiggle room; there were two reservations allocated for the Ute at this time, one made in 1861 and another made in 1882 (they were combined into the Uintah and Ouray Indian Reservation in 1886). This is all at the surface level of a google and wikipedia search, so I have no idea how many lived in the bush and how many lived on the reserve. 

There were certainly land defenders trying to tell Utah the land did not belong to them, so holdouts that avoided getting rounded up were certainly possible. But these holdouts would be far, far more hostile to anyone non-Native.

The Ute seemed to be some degree of lucky in that the reserve is on some of their ancestral territory, but any loss of land that large is going to leave huge scars. 

It should be noted that reserves would mean the traditional clothing and housing would likely be forbidden, because assimilation logic was in full force and absolutely vicious at this time. 

It’s a large reserve, so the possibility exists they could have accidentally ended up within the borders of it. I’m not sure how hostile the state government was for rounding up all the Ute, so I don’t know if there would have been pockets of them hiding out. In present day, half of the Ute tribe lives on the reserve, but this wasn’t necessarily true historically—it could have been a much higher percentage in either direction.

It’s up to you if you want to make them be reservation-bound or not. Regardless, the above mentioned genocide would have been pretty fresh, the land theft in negotiations or already having happened, and generally, the Ute would be well on their way to every assimilation attempt made from either residential schools, missionaries, and/or the forced settlement and pre-fab homes.

To Answer Your Question

I don’t want another flattened, sanitized portrayal of genocide.

Look at the number of dead above, the amount of land lost above, the amount of executive orders above. And try to tell me that these people would be anything less than completely and totally devastated. Beyond traumatized. Beyond broken hearted. Absolutely grief stricken with almost no soul left.

Their religion would have been illegal. Their children would have been stolen. Their land was taken away. A saying about post-apocalyptic fiction is how settler-based it is, because Indigenous people have already lived through their own apocalypse.

It would have all just happened at the time period this story is set in. All of the grief you feel now at the environment changing so drastically that you aren’t sure how you’ll survive? Take that, magnify it by an exponential amount because it happened, and you have the mindset of these Native characters.

This is not a topic to tread lightly. This is not a topic to read one masterpost and treat it as a golden rule when there is too much history buried in unmarked, overfull graves of school grounds and cities and battlefields. I doubt the movie you’re using is good representation if it doesn’t even hint at the amount of trauma these Native characters would have been through in thirty years.

A single generation, and the life that they had spent millennia living was gone. Despite massive losses of life trying to fight to preserve their culture and land.

Learn some history. That’s all I can tell you. Learn it, process it, and look outside of checklists. Look outside of media. 

And let us have our grief.

~ Mod Lesya

On Question Framing

Please allow me the opportunity to comment on “are there things you'd LIKE to see in a movie where a white man and a Jewish man run into Native Americans in the 1880s?” That strikes me as the same type of question as asking what color food I’d like for lunch. I don’t see how the cultural backgrounds of characters I have literally no other information about is supposed to make me want anything in particular about them. I don’t know anything about their personalities or if they have anything in common.

Compare the following questions:

“Are there things you’d like to see in a movie where two American women, one from a Nordic background and one Jewish, are interacting?” I struggle to see how our backgrounds are going to yield any further inspiration. It certainly doesn’t tell you that we’re both queer and cling to each other’s support in a scary world; it doesn’t tell you that we uplift each other through mental illness; it doesn’t go into our 30 years of endless bizarre inside jokes related to everything from mustelids to bad subtitles.

Because: “white”, “Jewish”, and “Native American” aren’t personality words. You can ask me what kind of interaction I’d like to see from a high-strung overachieving woman and a happy-go-lucky Manic Pixie Dream Girl, and I’ll tell you I’d want fluffy f/f romance. Someone else might want conflict ultimately resolving in friendship. A third person might want them slowly getting on each other’s nerves more and more until one becomes a supervillain and the other must thwart her. But the same question about a cultural demographic? That told me nothing about the people involved.

Also, the first time I meet a new person from a very different culture, it might take weeks before discussion of our specific cultural differences comes up. As a consequence, my first deep conversations with a Costa Rican American gentile friend were not about Costa Rica or my Jewishness but about things we had in common: classical music and coping with breakups--which are obviously conversations I could have had if we were both Jewish, both Costa Rican gentiles, or both something else. So in other words, I’m having trouble seeing how knowing so little about these characters is supposed to give me something to want to see on the page.

Thank you for understanding.

(And yes, I agree with Lesya, what’s with this trend of people trying to explain their fandom in a roundabout way instead of mentioning it by name? It makes it harder to give meaningful help���.)

--Shira

[fuckthisshitimin]

Princesses should be praised more. And by princesses I mean stereotype damsels in distress. They're actually so good at being helped.

Helping people and saving people are heroic acts but we know that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be help, or save someone who doesn't want to be saved, the acts or helping and saving need at least two people.

And I think I know a lot of people, including myself, who are bad at being helped, who know how to be helpful but can't stand being helpless.

Helplessness sounds like an awful trait - nobody likes to feel that way, but everybody experiences it.

But damsels in distress are so fucking cool about it like -- "OK sure I can't do anything about my imminent death but this dude says they can I'll stay outta their way". I'm sorry? Why is it not applauded?

Everybody faces helplessness. Helplessness can only be resolved through help. Help needs a helper and a helped. Why don't we celebrate characters who prove very competent at one of those roles?

People who are saved aren't independent - saviors aren't either. We live in a society. We've grown so much as a society we created an environment that replaces us. We don't need to huddle together at night because we have buildings and fire, we don't need to rely on a group to go harvesting while we hunt because there are supermarkets.

Most of us are helpless about most of the things in our lives - it overlaps a lot with "no ethical consumption under capitalism". We built structures to support, to "help" us, we created a structural helplessness, while devaluing the virtue of being helped?

There is no fucking point - how can we promote heroism in a world where one has to get structural approval to change their own name? The most personal, least world-affecting thing? Fighting for agency in one's world or one's own life is a common trope, and it is seducing, but I don't think we acknowledge often enough that we deliberately sapped individual agency.

Like a fish who built a water tank in the middle of the ocean, and every day we make it a bit safer, a bit smaller, and as the sharks grow more and more blurry we tell the tales of heroes jumping over the glass wall.

Is it some reality tv show with challenges, we orchestrate obstacles just to enjoy watching people go over them? Then why do it on the guise of helping the people that will have to face the challenges?

Most things we did as a society came from a place of helplessness, of fear. We know, the pattern-recognition thing, and the importance of stories. We can't eradicate the very thing that makes us a society with more society. There is no getting rid of helplessness through society - for society is a system built on interdependence - there is no getting rid of helplessness at all.

There is, however, accepting helplessness. Damsels in distress do that. They depend on heroes. They rely on heroes.

All the machines we built - when they emerged people expected the next generations to work less, because the current system, helped with machines, would need less human power. We know that didn't happen, we know capitalism and imperialism don't work like that. It wants more.

We all know about overconsumption, it runs a smooth cycle with overproduction. We don't need all the stuff we make - we don't need half of it, but the idea of stopping, of balancing the system so everyone is contempt, the idea of being contempt at all is contradictory with heroism. We know we could, with our level of technology, all live decently. But how much do we value this? How much do we value the idea of a society where everyone is mostly chilling, mostly relying on a system officiating as an artificial hero? When we worked so we wouldn't need to work anymore, why the hell would we shame people for resting?

So yeah. Damsels in distress, all the characters whose main arc is to be saved should be praised more. It certainly shouldn't be a gender role, but it shouldn't just disappear. Celebrating the fuck out of people who are saved. You're like. The purpose of all this.

[patchun]

WBaWC Deep Dive: Part 2/2

In the game's preliminary description, ZUN describes it as "a shooting game that's darker than usual, full of animal elements, and just a bit aggressive."

Part 1 here.

Yachie Kicchou. Is this maybe the longest profile of any Touhou character? Yachie's profile gives us more information than anything else about the Animal Realm, so I'd highly recommend reading all of it before we continue. Scroll down and find her profile, then click "Expand." If you're on mobile, this will look pretty bad, so switch to the Desktop mode. While reading, keep this in mind: this profile seems to be just about the only instance of a perspective from a beast spirit. This isn't a neutral perspective, this isn't ZUN's perspective - this is the perspective of a beast spirit, though it doesn't seem to be Yachie's own perspective. I'll be giving my evidence of this later.

The Animal Realm, the ultimate survival-of-the-fittest world.

It's a world where the strong rule as they desire... or at least it was, until a few beasts that were just a little more clever and wily than others began to form organizations.

By now, a select handful of gigantic organizations dominate the world.

The thing about WBaWC is that it's very vague. ZUN does not come out and say "animal rights", he does not say "you should be a vegan", or anything like that. The only thing ZUN wants us to do, without a doubt, is to think about these things, in particular the power dynamic we currently have between humans and animals in the modern world. I mentioned previously the argument for humans to have moral rights because of sentience, and then because of intelligence - but there is another line of reasoning that is used frequently. "This is just the natural order. The survival of the fittest." Opponents of animal rights will say this. But ZUN makes it very clear here - this world no longer follows those rules at all. "It's a world where the strong rule as they desire... or at least, it was..."

Further in her profile, we learn that the beast spirits finally found peace when they gathered all the humans into one area like farm animals and made them into their slaves. So, ZUN begins the game by introducing three characters which cause us to question our notion of moral status, two of which (Urumi and Kutaka) are animals that humans mistreat on a massive scale today, and then, he flips it - puts humans on the other side - all to ask a simple question. "Do you like this? Are you happy with this?" When humans are the ones being dominated, are you satisfied?

Now, there are some really crucial lines here that indicate that this profile is not actually an accurate account, but rather, the situation as told by one of the lesser beast spirits.

Almost all of the animal spirits already have no chance of victory by themselves, and the only way to survive was to team up with one of these organizations and continue fighting as their slaves forever.

Even as everyone continues to fight to exhaustion, an organization can never be stopped.

Pre-Primate Spirit Garden. This is what indicates to me that this is not Yachie's direct perspective. This wouldn't be a beneficial narrative in order for her to maintain her status as a member of the ruling class.

The beast organizations' ruling classes created a shelter for the humans, so that they could continue to be used as ever-capable slaves without going extinct.

The shelter was called the Primate Spirit Garden.

Only when they looked over the Primate Spirit Garden, filled with humans who had no means of resisting, did each of the organizations forget about their conflict. The Primate Spirit Garden was a peaceful recreational facility for everyone in the Animal Realm.

The word here, "shelter" generally has a positive association, right? And look at the last sentence: a peaceful recreational facility for everyone in the Animal Realm? That doesn't sound right. Now, sure, this is interesting, but why am I bringing up that this profile is from the perspective of a beast spirit? What does that matter to our overall understanding of the situation? Well, because of this next line, also within Yachie's profile:

The human spirits intended to devote themselves to the divinity beyond the idols, but they actually came to worship the idols themselves.

As a result, it was only natural that these idols began to dominate the humans.

The idols took control of the Primate Spirit Garden, and the status of the human spirits plummeted to the bottom once again. In being dominated by idols, the Primate Spirit Garden became the most awful, out-of-control organization of all.

Because this, according to everything else I've read, is NOT an accurate description of what ended up happening. The word "dominate" here is particularly noteworthy - from the perspective of a beast spirit, who within this world only understand things from a lens of survival of the fittest, that is exactly what this situation appears as. The thing is, this is where the game's vagueness makes interpretation very difficult - but here's what we know. We know from Yachie's profile that the human spirits were miserable while being ruled by the beast spirits, so much so that they cursed their helpless existences and prayed to Keiki. And we also know this, from ZUN's SCoOW interview:

Q: What do the human spirits who summoned Keiki think of her?

A: The game doesn't mention even a word of that, after all. In that world, the human spirits are nothing more than "materials". Everyone's fighting to steal those materials from each other. Keiki doesn't think of them as anything but materials, either. The reason for that is because the humans in that world want to be that way. You could say they just wanted to become cogs in a better society.

These descriptions... don't really match up, right? You'd read Yachie's profile and assume that the situation got really out of control, that the humans were miserable. Even according to ZUN in the interview, it has gotten out of control to some extent, but... also according to ZUN, this is... what they wanted. So, all that to say, Yachie's profile is not an unbiased description. I thought that was pretty interesting, and it will be important to consider when we talk about the situation of the human spirits under Keiki.

But for now, let's go back to the beast spirit's story of what happened - humans were dominated by the idols and plummeted to the bottom once again.

Survival of the fittest - the law of the animal realm. It's what's natural. What's natural, according to the beast spirits, is good! There is actually a philosophical moral theory called "natural law", and it's kind of the basis for the survival of the fittest argument. But it's also usually used to argue against stuff like homosexuality, abortion, being trans, etc... so uh, I have yet to meet any actual philosophers who use that theory (though I'm sure they exist). In the end, natural law is kind of shaky - because you have to ask the question - if what is natural is what is good, then what exactly do we define as natural? For example, we can look at penguins and see homosexuality, does that mean that natural law can no longer be used to attack homosexuality? Vaccines aren't natural, right? Cars aren't natural, right? Modern technology isn't natural, right? So are these things morally bad? But that's the thing - those three things I said may not be """natural""" according to the general public, but how exactly are they not natural? Vaccines, cars, and modern technology, those things are all made from nature, one way or another. Homosexuality, even if it DIDN'T occur in "nature" occurs within humans for sure! And humans are natural! What we view as natural is fully dependent, more or less, on what we were taught to view as natural. At the end of the day, isn't everything natural? And this is where things get really funny, because in many instances, natural law has been used cynically to defend the status quo and oppression. People were taught that black people were lesser, so it was natural to have them serve us. They were taught homosexuals were unnatural, so keep believing in the church and giving us money. They were taught that animals are meant to be eaten, that's how it is in the wild, so factory farms are okay. These arguments tend not to say "the current power structure isn't natural, so we need to dismantle it" but almost always "the current way things are is the way things should stay." So when we look at Mayumi Joutouguu...

You may not like it,

But this is what peak performance looks like.

Unable to be harmed by anything spiritual, Mayumi and the other idols are invulnerable to the attacks of beast spirits, easily able to defend the humans from their attacks. In other words, in the Animal Realm... Mayumi Joutouguu IS THE FITTEST. Really let that sink in. The Animal Realm, where the strong rule over the weak. Mayumi Joutouguu is the peak of that strength - and yet?

"I shall liberate the human spirits (our prey)

from you accursed idols! Prepare yourself!

It's the law of the Animal Realm that the strong eat the weak!"

From Reimu(Wolf).

"The god of destruction who broke the laws of animal-kind!

Keiki Haniyasushin!"

And this is just two instances. On multiple occasions, Keiki is referred to as having somehow broken the natural law by the beast spirits. And I'm sure that's what the beast spirits believe, because, in Youmu's Otter ending:

"Youmu returns to the Primate Spirit Garden and finds Yachie and Keiki squaring off. Youmu is confused by this and asks if the two of them get along well. Yachie explains that there is no such thing as ‘getting along’ in the Animal Realm. Keiki is surprised by this, stating that she was willing to work with the beast spirits in the future. Yachie acknowledges Keiki as a worthy opponent, but she then states that Keiki must be removed in consideration for the struggle for resources. Keiki tells Youmu that the resources Yachie refers to are the human spirits. Youmu is disturbed by this. Yachie then points out that is another reason why Keiki doesn’t belong here. She states the animal spirits are resources too. In the Animal Realm, everyone is driven by selfishness. Yachie follows the natural order here. However, Keiki, who was summoned by the human spirits, had thought differently."

No longer is the natural law "survival of the fittest", but rather, "everyone is driven by selfishness." Natural law was only used as a justification for the power structures within the Animal Realm until the ruling class was displaced. This game, by and large, follows the narratives of the ruling classes, from the beast spirits to Keiki herself. In that way, the second half of the game is asking more questions about power than it is about animal ethics. It's likely that Yachie and the other beast spirit heads are the ones who present this narrative to the lesser beast spirits, who we have already established according to her profile earlier are miserable, "fighting to exhaustion as the slaves of the large organizations, which could not be stopped". Gives me some serious neoliberalism vibes, but because of the lack of structure in the Animal Realm, I don't think it would be easy to make a political comparison.

So yeah, it's really funny that Mayumi and Keiki aren't really breaking any rules. They're just the new fittest, and the beast spirit ruling class isn't happy with that.

Some side notes about Mayumi:

It's been predicted that the workforce of human and animal spirits will be gradually replaced by the more efficient haniwa, because they can be immediately repaired after they've been destroyed, they can't get sick, and they don't need any rest.

In the SCoOW interview, ZUN compares Mayumi and the idols to AI. He's kind of an old man about it, too, saying that the humans went from being slaves to the beast spirits to being slaves to technology. But if you recall, I mentioned labor when we talked about Eika, and I did so because, well... We don't really have any idea what kind of labor the human and beast spirits are doing, WBaWC is too vague, and doesn't give us much detail. But, ZUN presents this idea, and then describes the Primate Spirit Garden under Keiki as kind of an opposite extreme "dystopia". According to ZUN:

A real "civilization gone too far" situation, where it's becoming a dystopia in a really obvious way.

The way I see it, it's something where "they built objects to rule over the world with, and in the end came to be ruled by those objects." The same as AIs and the like.

But also remember earlier, where ZUN says that that's what the human spirits wanted. Here it's almost as if ZUN is kind of bringing up a WALL-E type situation, where humans will no longer have to work, and every need of theirs will be taken care of by their idols. A very old man thing to say, but what's funny is actually another line that was just a bit earlier in the interview about Mayumi and the haniwa.

Haniwa certainly are mysterious; you wonder why everyone was making them. Archaeology is quick to ascribe religious reasons to anything it doesn't understand, but if you think about it with today's moral values in mind, it might not seem that way. I've thought about things like that for a long time. Personally, I believe they made them just because they felt like it. That might not have been the initial reason, but the act of creation itself gradually became enjoyable, and they started making more variations. To fulfill their creative desires, you know?

Think about that for a second. ZUN has introduced a society with very little forced labor, and called it dystopian. But he has also just stated that he believes that the people who made haniwa worked on them because they wanted to. To be honest, I don't know if ZUN even realizes this.

Finally, Keiki Haniyasushin. Thanks for sticking with me so far. Taking a look at her profile, the main thing that stands out to me is this:

The idols she creates are excellent items that can gather faith, act as stand-ins, play with you, and decorate your home.

A very different description than what was given by the beast spirit, huh? Is this what Keiki thinks her idols are doing? Is it actually what her idols are doing, and the beast spirits simply see that as domination because they can't comprehend any other way? Or is this just a little joke? Or is it somehow all of these? WBaWC is too vague! I'm sorry, but I don't know! Without a human spirit perspective on this, we really just can't deduce that. All we know is that the human spirits for sure liked living under Keiki more than living under the beast spirits.

As for Keiki, I don't have all that much philosophical to say, but I did think these quotes from the Marisa endings were cool.

Marisa (Otter)

"Yachie then explains the story from the beast spirits’ perspective. Marisa thinks it would have been better if she was told this from the start. Yachie apologies, but she reasons that didn’t want to risk failure. According to her, if she revealed the plan to the humans, there would be a chance Keiki would hear about it. However, Marisa was unable to read Yachie’s true intentions from her words. It is suggested that Marisa just didn’t see Keiki as an evil god."

Marisa (Eagle)

To Marisa, Keiki didn’t seem like an evil god. She wonders why the beast spirits hated her so much.

While Reimu and Youmu viewed what they were doing as more like work, Marisa was just in it for the ride, and as a result, she had some interesting thoughts about Keiki when she reflected on what she had just done. Keiki is one of the few Touhou bosses to not recognize at all that she was doing something bad, because Keiki doesn't believe she was doing anything bad. It's mentioned multiple times that she planned to coexist with the beast spirits "so long as they started to respect human spirits". Which casts further doubt on the description of the haniwa in Yachie's profile, which almost made it sound like they were going around indiscriminately slaughtering beast spirits. Wouldn't that be unnecessary if they were invincible?

Keiki's relationship to human spirits could also be looked at as pet ownership, or more accurately, like animals at a zoo or preservation area, I think. Caring for their every need, protecting them from the cruel "survival of the fittest" world outside. I mean, I don't have a problem with pet ownership at all, but I do have a problem with people who own pets irresponsibly and don't try as hard as they can to meet their pets' needs. My cat is my son.

The last thing I'll say is this: Keiki is coming back. Probably in 17.5. This may not be news to those of you who have already looked into this, but let me inform you if not. Marisa (Wolf)'s Extra, after beating Saki:

Marisa: I got no idea what the politics of the Animal Realm are like...... But I can hardly imagine this family o'yours ruling it. There's no denyin' you guys are strong, but......

Saki: What is it?

Marisa: Keiki strikes me as the most dangerous person.

Somehow it seems like she can come at us with all her power again.

And in Reimu (Wolf)'s ending:

Afterward, Reimu learns that Keiki threw the Animal Realm into chaos through her idolatry. She had the feeling that not humans vs. beasts, not physical vs. spiritual, but a religious confrontation was approaching.

And in Youmu (Eagle)'s ending:

Later, Keiki Haniyasushin showed up on Earth. This wasn’t too surprising since Keiki was never a god of the Animal Realm in the first place. However, for some reason, it seemed eerily likely that the Animal Realm’s survival of fittest conflict would follow Keiki into the surface world.

And personally that makes me very excited. And we just got a game about markets?? Hm...

FINALLY. This game has heavy Buddhist themes, and I am no expert on Buddhism, but:

Saki Kurokoma, Prince Shoutoku's horse that was ridden around to spread Buddhism. I don't have much to say about this character, haha. But I figured you'd want to see her anyways, and it's my Buddhism segue.

As far as Buddhism goes, the "animal realm" is one of the realms of reincarnation. To go from the human realm to the animal realm is bad, it means you were probably a pretty selfish person. Which begs us to ask, what might these people have done in their past lives? Does that mean that they deserve the suffering in the unnaturally cruel Animal Realm of Touhou? And what does that say about the dynamic we have with animals in the modern world, the parallel to the Animal Realm? Well, in the (Buddhist) animal realm, according to some Buddhist teachings, you act only on instinct and only for selfish desire. This is because of the misconception that animals act only on instinct and for selfish desire, a theme that we've played with a bit in this exploration, and a theme that ZUN strictly opposes with the character of Kutaka. If you own any pets, you already know that this just isn't true. Just like with humans, animal behavior is complex, and to attribute it to pure instinct is accurate to a degree - but the thing is, you can do the exact same thing to human behavior (we're also animals). It's just another way of creating human exceptionalism, something this game is really challenging. Specifically, the Buddhist animal realm is not a place, though, it's just a cycle of reincarnation. It's not actually a hell, not even close, it just means you've been reincarnated AS an animal in the real world. And this isn't a negative thing inherently, but it is viewed as hellish because of how animals are treated, not only by humans, but also by other animals!

So, there's probably more to say here. When reading Yachie's profile you may say, "Everyone working to exhaustion as slaves to huge organizations owned by a select few? Wow, that sounds like corporate America!" and you'd be right, and there's probably something there, to be honest. But because the Animal Realm is extremely vague, it's difficult to make any connections like that.

I think there's probably deeper stuff to dive into. Like I said, I'm no expert on Buddhism, so someone who is may be able to find a meaning that I've missed here. But to conclude,

As ZUN said, if you look for something the game is trying to show you, you'll just find a world filled with satire and vague circumstances. But... if you look for what the game is trying to ask you... there's quite a lot.

What is the criteria for moral rights? Can we create a criteria that makes sense and only applies to humans?

What is our justification for our treatment of animals in the modern world?

How would you feel about it if that dynamic was reversed?

And well, we don't really get any answers. ZUN really just gives us two pieces of his personal view:

The survival of the fittest argument is bullshit.

Natural law is bullshit.

Our current relationship with farm animals is not healthy, and we need to create a more positive image for them outside of being just our tools for food.

Thanks for reading. Reblogs appreciated.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Not My Yacht" *Chapter 4*

Part 3

Part 5

Mwahahahahaha!

Okay so-- obviously, this story is taking place in an alternate universe. Clearly. I need you all to follow me along on this journey, suspend your disbelief, yeah? I did my best at a backstory, I went over it for a long time. I'm pretty sure every detail is covered. If not, I apologize, let me know and I'll fix it.

I think this is gonna be one hell of a ride, people. I'm super excited, are you?!

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

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@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

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@omgsuperstarg

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(should I keep tagging @storiesofsvu ? I'm gonna do it until she says for the love of god STOP. 😂)

--------------------------

There was a very long, awkward pause before Rafael finally spoke:

“....What did you just say?”

“Please don’t make me repeat it,” You bit your lip as you looked at him with very sad, still very frightened eyes.

“I...I don’t…how...why...HOW is this man your husband?!”

“I...Well, he--” You muttered.

“He’s a PSYCHOPATH, Y/N!”

“Well he wasn’t when I met him!” You screamed unintentionally. You hadn’t meant to be that aggressive, but your instincts kicked in whenever a man yelled at you now.

“...I mean, I guess he was but you just said it yourself: He’s smart. He’s slick. He was sweet and charming and handsome, and I just-- we just-- “

“He seduced you,"

"I fell in love with him, Rafael! Jesus, it wasn't a one night stand. We were in love," You took a shaky breath. "Look I was a young, naïve, impressionable broke college student, okay? And he-- he was kind, and generous, and--”

“I don’t, I can’t have this conversation with you,” He started to walk into his secret room to get your clothes so that you could leave.

“No, please Rafael,” You grabbed his arm. “Please, let me explain? Please,” You pleaded with him.

“....Fine,” He sighed, unable to ignore your whimpers and tears.

“He wooed me, he gave me everything and anything I asked for. He lived in this giant loft uptown, I thought he was amazing. Looking back on it now, the loft was probably owned by people that he murdered and he’d kill people to get things I wanted, but I didn’t know that at the time!” You paced the floor while thinking out loud.

“And then when he asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic! I thought it was going to be my fairy tale ending before I was even 25, I didn’t know--” You suddenly stopped pacing and stopped talking, the memories of that period in your life coming back to you in disturbing waves.

Rafael saw how much you were in distress telling your story. Even though he was disgusted that you were ever intimate with this lunatic, he couldn’t help but feel for you. He stood up and took your hand, leading you to the leather couch in the corner of the room. He sat you down and motioned for you to continue if you could, while still holding your hand.

“I didn’t know that he was just trying to get me to be-- ‘his’, so that he could do whatever he wanted to me,” You barely got the words out while you still burned holes into the carpet with your eyes.

“Oh God, Oh-- Y/N,” He took your other hand but didn’t force you to look up; he wanted you to tell the rest on your own time.

“After we got married he started hitting me for stupid stuff like putting the dishes in the dishwasher wrong, or folding the towels the wrong way. And then he’d--” You felt tears catch in your throat. “He’d make me have sex with him whenever he wanted,”

“Carino,” Rafael instinctively put his arms around your shoulders, pulling you closer towards him. He just wanted to comfort you, he didn’t want to think about what else that monster did to you.

“I--- I didn’t know what to do. I had just graduated, he was paying for my law school, he was paying for everything I had in my life. I felt like I was trapped, so I just-- I put up with it,” You tried not to cry, you swore a long time ago you wouldn’t waste any more tears on him. But right now you couldn’t help it.

“But then it started getting worse,” You finally raised your head to look at him. “He started beating me when he was angry over other things, sometimes within an inch of my life,”

Rafael didn’t know what to say, he knew you weren’t finished so he just kept rubbing the back of your palms with his thumb comfortingly.

“I finally knew either I had to leave, or die,” You got your tears under control as you remembered how strong you had to be back then. And ever since. “So one day when he was on one of his ‘business trips’-- which now I know were probably killings or heists or worse, I packed everything I could fit into two suitcases and I just-- I left,” You sighed.

“I didn’t have anywhere to go. My parents live in Florida, I didn’t really have friends at school, which wouldn’t have mattered anyway because without him paying for it I had to drop out. I slept on the streets for months!” You unconsciously moved closer into Rafael’s chest as you relived the horror.

“Finally I-- I did something that I never thought I would do in a million years, but I was desperate Rafael. You have to understand that,” You looked at him with a terrified look, like he was about to kick you out of his office for real after what you were about to say.

“I do,” He put a hand to your face. “Whatever you’re going to say, I understand,”

“Okay,” You nodded softly. “I...I became an escort,” You turned away from him and his soft hand on your cheek. Even though he just assured you he understood, you could feel the judgement.

“Not a hooker,” You quickly added, like that made it any better. “An escort-- for older, wealthy gentlemen callers,”

“Ah,” He nodded. “I see,”

“...I changed my name, cancelled all my credit cards and got new ones in my new name. And I started making pretty good money. Enough for a small apartment and food anyway,” You continued. “I had accepted the fact that my life was going to be just what it was at that time-- living my life out as a whore,”

“You’re not, and never were and never will be, a whore Y/N,”

“Rafael, please,” You shook your head with a sarcastic laugh. “Maybe I was a fancy whore, but still one nonetheless,”

“No you--” He didn’t want to get into female derogatory slurs with you right now, so he just let it go. “...Okay, continue,”

“So then I just-- got lucky,” You played with the buttons on his shirt once again nervously. “I shouldn’t say lucky, that’s awful to say about a person’s death,”

“...Death?”

“Yeah um,” You picked harder at the buttons. “A regular of mine, Bartholomew Ridgewood. He was a very wealthy stockbroker who had no family or friends, just-- me, apparently,” You shrugged. “He had a heart attack and died, and then his estate contacted me to let me know that he had left his entire fortune and penthouse to me,”

“Seriously?” Rafael almost laughed at the crazy notion.

“I know right?!” You suddenly exclaimed. It really sounded like something out of a soap opera. “So, I used the money to immediately enroll back in law school, and got a job with Rita, and-- here I am,” You motioned towards yourself, in a ‘ta da’ fashion.

“So, let me get this straight,” Rafael began going over detail of your story in his head. “You actually have a huge fortune, but you’re still going to law school, AND holding down a job?”

“...Yeah,” You pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Why?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Why?” You half laughed. “Well for one, because I don’t ever want to have to depend on a man’s wealth to survive ever again,”

“How would that even happen? Did you blow through it that fast?”

“No!” You suddenly stood up in anger, not believing he was questioning you now. “But it still scares me that something will happen to it, and I’ll be helpless again,” You crossed your arms. “And two, I want to help people like me, without a voice. And three, a recommendation from the District Attorney to any law firm is a very highly coveted accomplishment, Rafael,”

“Right,” He nodded. “So much more coveted than a lowly DA’s recommendation,”

“Are you-- Are you serious?” You laughed in disbelief. “Wha--How, HOW did you get to that from any point in my horror story?”

“I don’t-- I don’t know, maybe if I had known you sooner I could have protected you,” He rubbed the back of his neck. Why DID he say that? Why was he suddenly jealous that you had consciously chosen to work for Rita over him? Why did that even matter at this point?

“No, you couldn’t have,” You shook your head as you sat back down next to him. “I got away from-- By the way he went by Tommy Richmond back then, if you want to add that to your case file,” You pointed to the folder on the desk.

He stood up and walked over to it, pulling papers out of the folder and examining each identity he had found so far. Tommy was on the list from a few years ago. Eric Braverman was next on the list, then Eddie Warshack and then Billy Forsythe, before William Lewis. Eric’s ID was from Connecticut, Eddie from Pennsylvania, and Billy from Ohio.

“....So this shows that once he left New York he went south, but then came back up? That doesn’t make any sense,” He flipped through the papers as thoughts ran through his brain.

“Doesn’t it though?” You stood up and walked over to the desk. “He came back for me. He’s probably looking for me. Maybe he thought I fled the state and he went looking and came back,” Your face turned paler the more you thought out loud.

“I have to get out of here,” You suddenly decided out loud. You briskly walked to the secret room and pulled your clothes out with one minute left on the dryer, but you didn’t care. You were quickly putting them on when Rafael ran in after you.

“What? No, no you don’t,” He tried to stop you from unbuttoning his shirt. “Not now that I know he’s looking for you, you’re not going anywhere,”

“Look Rafael,” You stopped undressing and looked at him very seriously. “He’s smart, and he’s fast. I’ll bet you right now that he is doing some very specific research on anyone that was in that station the day you picked him up. And that includes you,”

“And why would he waste time on that if he’s looking for you?” Rafael raised a curious eyebrow.

“Well obviously if he thinks he’s at risk of being caught I’m the furthest thing from his mind right now! And he’ll study you all like lab rats, trying to figure out your fears and weaknesses, and prey on them. That’s exactly how he manipulated me,”

“So he researched you?”

“No, I don’t think he needed to back then! I just fell into his arms, no hard work on his end required,” You scoffed at your naivete as a young girl.

“....So why do you need to leave?” He crossed his arms.

“Because he’ll figure out we’re....involved,” You gestured between the two of you.

“Involved?” He half laughed. “Y/N we haven’t even-- we haven’t done anything but talk!”

“And yet I’m standing here in your office in only my underwear and your shirt like you said, a sex fantasy!” You gestured to your still scantily clad body.

That gave Rafael an idea.

Without warning his arms were suddenly around your waist, pulling you roughly into his awaiting mouth. You were shocked at first, but soon welcomed his tongue into yours as it began exploring your mouth. His hands slowly moved up your waist through his shirt, approaching your bare breasts. Before he could reach them, you pushed him away.

“What the FUCK are you doing?!” You yelled angrily. “Do you really think now is the appropriate time to do this?”

“Well, if Lewis thinks we’re ‘fraternizing’, shouldn’t we actually ‘fraternize’?” He gave you a smirk.

“He doesn’t think anything yet! I have no idea where he is, you have no idea where he is,” You sighed in frustration.

“I do know where he is,” He traced your palms with his finger sensually. “He’s locked in the tank at the station,”

“...Really?” You were suddenly feeling much safer, and arousal quickly came along with it.

“Really,” He nodded, cupping your head in his hands by your jawline so his thumbs ran against the side of your temples. He gently massaged them, making you relax even more.

“...And you’re not just trying to have sex with me so I won’t run off on you?” You did your best to keep your wits about you, but it was growing increasingly difficult with the smell of his cologne wafting from his hands into your nose. It was intoxicating.

“Maybe I am,” He chuckled, “Or maybe, I’m just acting on things I know we’ve both felt since yesterday on that boat,”

“That’s assuming a lot, counselor,” You bit your lip as you tried desperately not to look down at his mouth while he moved his face closer.

“Is it, though?” His smirk grew more devilish as he continued to close the gap between your lips.

“I…” You tried thinking of anything but his tongue inside you, but it was a losing battle. “....Screw it,”

You grabbed his head and thrusted it against your burning lips as your tongues once again began to do a tango in between your mouths. His hands moved upwards quicker this time, and this time you let them. You jumped onto him, wrapping your legs around his waist as he fell against the desk to support your weight. He picked you up and carried you to the leather couch, laying you down and crawling on top of you while never removing his mouth from yours.

You were both so happy and so enthralled with each other you didn’t notice the door was cracked open, and two dark eyes peering behind it.

[neon-wisp0831]

Healing broken hearts: continued

Chapter four: when I see you again

(This is more on Tai's point of view, figured I'd switch things up a bit)

Tired... Sad... Empty... No amount of words could really explain how I feel these days.. Just really numb... And alone...

I really messed up it doesn't get any worse than what I did... I can't even bring myself to look in the mirror anymore..

Worthless... Pathetic... Idiotic.. Stupid!

Everything that is happened is all because of me...

I was supposed to be a hero.. To be something good to the world... To Y/N ... But no... All I did was ruin them, I ruined what we had, there's no excuse no matter how I look at it..

A soft mew broke the large man out of his thoughts, looking down at his feet from his perch from the couch, he noticed his new acquaintance, a little Kurilian bobtail kitten he had got recently to keep himself company, he picked up the small little guy, giving him a few gentle strokes to his back before lifting him up to give him a small kiss "Hey buddy..." He spoke to the little one, getting up to head to the kitchen, knowing what that cute little mew meant, he looked through one of the cabinets of his home, having it stocked just for his new little house mate.

"There you go.." He set a plate of food, just enough to satisfy the little one's hunger, down onto the kitchen floor, watching with a smile as he ate, but his attention was then caught at the sound of the doorbell to his home, walking over to open the door, he heard two familiar voices on the other side, his smile grew at the sound of his boys, grabbing at the doorknob opening up his home, ready to greet his interns.

He wasn't prepared for this this however...

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My whole body froze when I saw them, the fact they were even here shook me to my core, and it felt as though a hard punch had been waiting for me on the other side, directed towards my heart.

It felt like I was seeing them for the very first time... Like how I did when we first met... How I wanted to see them again... How happy I was when they were finally with me..

And how much I loved them so dearly all this time..

"Tai.." They spoke first, I could see it in their eyes, how hurt they are just looking at me..

That feeling in my chest was starting to be more unbearable by the second, tears were starting to spill from my eyes, it was starting to feel like my office breakdown all over again

"Y/N.. I-" I hardly got a word out before they were already attaching themselves to me, sobs muffled against my body, gripping tight on my tank top as they cried, it was a major relief feeling their arms around me again, so much so that I couldn't resist hugging them back just as tight, the ache in my chest slowly subduing to less pain until all I could really feel was the shaking form of the one person who was able to heal the pain I had felt all this time.

"I'm so sorry Y/N...I'm... I'm sorry I put us into this mess.." Looking up I saw Kirishima and Tamaki, giving a small smile, I beckoned them over to join the hug, they did, eagerly, it was a nice a moment, a moment I'd cherish for as long as I'll live.. Just me, my two boys..

And the person I love most..

♛┈⛧┈┈•༶.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・༶•┈┈⛧┈♛

"Here.." You were given a cup of warm tea, giving your thanks to Tai, you soon turned your attention to the little one being entertained by the two older boys, Tamaki had manifested some vines from his fingers, having eaten a salad earlier while in the cafe, and was using them as a make-shift cat toy as Kirishima took video of the cute ordeal, watching the tiny feline swat and bite at the greens with absolute awe in his eyes

You gave a small smile at the sight, feeling Taishiro's figure sit next to you, his hand rubbing your shoulder and turning your attention to him, in his hand he held two of the sweets you had picked out for you all from the cafe, the smile grew as you took the offering, biting into the sweet treat, enjoying the amazing taste. For a shop that just opened up, the pastries were already to die for.

"Wow.. These are amazing Y/N! I might have to stop by during one my patrols" Tai spoke up seeming to enjoy the little gift you and the boys had brought him. You gave a soft laugh at that, leaning back against the couch as you stared at the hero

"Oh is that right? Well maybe I'll have some prepared for you when you do decide to stop by, because God knows it'll take us forever to prepare stuff for you right on the spot" You both shared a laugh at that sentence, before it slowly died down a bit, looking to the side, you both sighed softly, still unable to face each other properly.. The sounds of the boys playing with their new friend being the only noise at the moment

The silence was too much, and you decided to make a bold move by leaning against the man next to you, earning a small flinch from him before he eased into your touch a little bit, wrapping an arm around you, lightly rubbing your shoulder as he rested his head on yours, the feeling of being this close to him again, it was overwhelming, but you loved it, a smile coming to your face then a sigh while the sound of the TV turning on caught your attention, deciding it would be nice to just stay like this a little longer in his hold, you got comfortable on the couch while Kirishima and Tamaki had decided to join you both in watching the highlights of the best hero rescues and villain takedowns played by the afternoon talk show.

It was like that for most of the day, watching shows or movies, eating snacks, playing and thinking of names for the kitten, while talking about how how things are in life while trying to avoid.. Other subjects.

"So fellas how are things at UA? Is Eri doing ok?" Taishiro was the first to make conversation with the two boys over some takoyaki (of course) for lunch

"Oh yeah! She's doing great, check it out!" He mumbled pulling out his phone and flipping through something before landed on a photo and turning his screen to face the small group next to him.

Looking at the photo, Kirishima was looking down at the silver haired horned girl, who looked back up at him, both holding the same pose, fists together, toothy grins, showing off the manly stance with pride

You smiled at the sight, seeing the happy smiles, you couldn't have been happier yourself.

"That's adorable Kirishima, and very manly, you're starting to be more like a big brother figure" Taishiro mumbled, ruffling his hair a little earning a small chuckle from the young boy

"What about you Tamaki? Anything happened with you at UA?"

"Not really.. Things are.. Pretty well I guess.. I-i'm sorry I'm not that i-interesting to talk about.." He started to clam up a little, and you reached over to lightly rub his back "it's alright Tamaki, I don't have anything interesting to talk about either.." You reassured the shy boy, hearing a small chuckle coming from Tai until his phone ramg from his room, excusing himself from living room he headed towards his own, closing the door once he was inside.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　⋇⋆✦⋆⋇　

I was able to get to my phone in time before the ringing completely stopped, but due to the rush I didn't really have time to see who was calling, figuring it might have been an emergency of some kind.

"Hello?"

"Hi sweetness~"

That voice... I knew it well.. Too damn well..

"Y-yūwaku?! Why are you calling me now?!"

"Aww Tai.. Come on, can't check up on a friend?~"

Friend? Seriously?? After everything that been happening, all those texts, the flirting, everything that had led up to this, I was no better.. Giving into her that night... Thinking about it now, I feel so stupid, and helpless..

"So here's the thing.. It's been a couple of weeks and.. I was sorta wondering if you're free right now we could grab lunch together! Just the two of us? Maybe... Catch up again?~"

The very thought of the idea, made my heart ache, knowing where this going, I decided to just hang up, throwing my phone onto the bed before sitting down onto the floor, covering my face with both of my hands.

Yūwaku Yokubõ.. Her quirk: Desire... The quirk she was born with made her a temptress.. She gives off a luring aura, making her irresistible to anyone caught by it.

We had been friends since high school, but lost contact soon after.. And just when it seemed like we wouldn't have seen each other again, fate couldn't have done enough to me already..

My phone buzzed, and I turned to look at who was calling, it was her again, I grabbed my phone and declined the call, deciding it would be best to turn it off for now, I fixed up myself, stoning my shaken face with one of more calm and collected, not wanting to worry the boys or Y/N with my troubles.

All I had to do was not let it bother me

»»——⍟——««»»——⍟——««»»——⍟——««»»——««

You look over at the two exhausted boys, leaning against one another, eyes slowly closing to give into the temptation of sleep, and watching as the little kitten in Tamaki's arm didn't fail to follow right behind his older brothers

Hearing footsteps you looked up to see Taishiro coming back, taking notice of his now, three boys dozing off

"Well.. It is kinda late.. We should get these guys to bed.. I'll call their teachers and tell them they'll be staying with me.." He mumbled before scratching his head "um.. You uh.. Have their contacts?"

You seemed confused by that question, but answered honestly "Yeah why?"

"Oh my.. My phone died and I can't find my charger at the moment.." He explained as you handed over your phone, letting him use it to call up the school teachers

You turned your attention over towards the young ones, leaning over to brush some hair out of Tamaki's face. Watching a smile grace the shy boy's face

You saw Taishiro coming back from the kitchen, handing your mobile device back to you, with a small "thank you" Before he went over to take Tamaki into his arms, mindful of the tiny feline as he took him to the spare room, deciding to help him out you took Kirishima, following after him to settle the young hero into bed.

You came just in time as Tai was about to come out to get the boy, you both stopped in your tracks, startled by one other's sudden showing, laughimg a little before he took the hardening hero from your arms, settling him onto the spare bed near Tamaki's own, he turned his guest room into one meant for his boys when they stay over, able to get two separate beds for them both so they could sleep comfortably.

Taishiro leaned down to give Kirishima a small kiss to his forehead, smiling before getting up and turning towards you

"So.. I.. Guess you're heading back home then?" He asked, bringing you out of your thoughts

"Oh.. Oh! Right.. I.. I guess I should.." You mumbled looking down, rubbing the back of your neck, looking up at him with a small smile, which he returned

"Will.. Will I see you again?" He asked, rather hopefully at that.

You smiled at him before shaking your head, taking the chance to walk over to him, looking him in the eyes while placing both your hands on his shoulders, his arms came around your waist, pressing his forehead against your own

"You know it's hard to stay away from a great guy like you Taishiro... It's unfair really..."

"No... I was unfair... I was unfair to you.. You didn't deserve that Y/N... I was just.." He gave a small sigh before continuing "I just missed you.. I missed your company, I missed things with us... There's no excuse for what I put us through though... So.. I can't say I'm that great of a guy.."

"It happens Tai... It was in the past... I don't wanna think about that I..." Your arms moved to wrap around him, hiding your face into his chest, he didn't hesitate to hold you closer to him, nuzzling into your head

"I just wanna stay with you..."

"... Do you... Have to go?"

"I don't have work tomorrow.. So.. I guess not.."

"Then... Do you wanna stay?"

You looked up at him, looking into those golden eyes, unable to look away, they seemed to come closer, slowly closing as well as your own before you felt his lips press against your own in a soft kiss, one that didn't really last long, but left you breathless.. Hungry...

Wanting more...

He seemed to have read your mind, pressing his lips against yours in a much more deeper longer kiss, your arms moving back to wrap around his neck, he lifted you into his arms, walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him to leave the boys to rest, running your fingers through his hair as he took you to his room, only pulling away from you to allow much needed air into your lungs, soon enough he opened the door to his bedroom, setting you onto the large bed as he continued to steal away your breath with deep longing kisses, his hands trailing up your figure, sending a shudder through your spine,

You couldn't get enough, and you didn't want him to stop, but he unfortunately did to ask you once more

"Y/N...do you wanna stay with me?"

It didn't seem like he continue any further if you didn't give him an answer. And to be honest.. You already knew what you wanted to say, with or without his addicting affection.

"Yes tai.. There's no where else I'd rather be..." You leaned up to give him one more kiss to his nose

"Than here with you..."

❃.✮:▹　◃:✮.❃❃.✮:▹　◃:✮.❃❃.✮:▹　◃:✮.❃❃.✮:▹　◃:.❃

(So i finally got this chapter done! After what? I don't even remember- but this is by far probably my longest one yet- I'm so sorry for the wait everyone, I hope it was worth it I really tried with this chapter after leaving you guys with nothing, I hope enjoyed this one, chapter five may be the last one, but hey we'll see. Anyways, I've got a ton more ideas on the way, so definitely look forward to those in the future. Till next time though. See ya!)

[trials-by-blood]

Umm...I always see Yautja being paired up with someone strong and skilled and stuff. I was wondering if you could write something with any Yautja being with someone who is shy, meek, and a little chubby. And when they're alone or think they are they sing along to music and dance even though they can't.XD Sorry if I'm asking too much or anything...

Fegris, the dump world where the unwanted are left to rot and crumble.

  This was once a world where the yautja would crash their obsolete vessels so that they could not fall into use by the other space faring races. Ships were not the only things they left behind. Exiles, heretics, or anyone who upset the balance of their society were also left to wither, but not all did.

  In the following ages, other peoples would use Fegris as a place to forget their burdens. The Faceless Ones unloaded their collected specimens here when science deemed that their time of usefulness had ended.

  Now generations of humans, yautja, clade, mind eaters and all manner of invasive species build their cities here, clinging to half remembered mockeries of their mother cultures. Here, all Forgotten busy themselves mining ore, seeking pleasurable escape, stripping precious metals from ancient wrecks, gambling, farming, extorting, building, destroying, breeding, killing.

  One of the few honest livings to be made anywhere, the food service industry, prospers here. Organic people must eat, so this work will never die.

  Heather, an old name from an old world no one can recall, worked for her room and board at what would best resemble a mall food court. It wasn't a particularly hazardous occupation, so long as you don't taste-test the food or stay long after the coalition of retail outlets close.

(OOC: Okay this ran WAY longer than I anticipated and I had to make the choice to cap it off at 2,500ish words. I’m sorry if this TOTALLY misses the vibe you were hoping for, I kinda got carried away. Oops)

  Once, she'd made that mistake. Even her cold hearted rock-sucker of a boss told her not to bother finishing the cleaning if it meant staying after hours, but she hadn't listened. Heather hadn't wanted to leave her work half done and risk losing her job and newly acquired living space on her first day. So she'd stayed to wipe down the counters and load the trolly cart with the leftovers for the cooler. The reward for a job well finished was stepping out into the market spaces abandoned by customers and workers but repopulated by the local Yautja Bad-bloods and their rivals, The Cranium Skaggers. They were working through a territorial dispute.

  The Skaggers were human, but barely. They injected enhancement serums, most barely tested, directly into their brain tissues via an implanted port installed at the top of their shaved heads.

  Heather had stepped out of her safe enclosed little work area into a street brawl, and was pinned between the doors she'd only just locked and the carnal violence of the city. One of the yautja, who's vision was... not like hers, must have mistaken her bright heat signature and rapid heart rhythm for a Cranium Skagger.

  Oh, she tried to run when she saw him move on her with his unhuman, talon tipped hand outstretched to seize her. Heather had dropped her bag, the keys, the silly hat which matched with her uniform, and she ran but he was fast, so horridly fast for something so big, heavy, and grieved with bulky armor.

  It only took him three strides, thud thud thud, to reach her and tangle his terrible claws into the back of her long tunic. She was thrown, landing hard, disoriented and crying out as deep, raw pain shot up her left hip and into her pelvis. Something was broken.

  She saw him, her attacker, and the blades attached to his dominant arm glistening with the blood of Cranium Skagger's, but she didn't even think to cover her face. All she could do was scream for help.

  Her plea was answered. A great clawed fist smashed across the Yautja's mask with such force that his yowling face was revealed as his helm was torn from him. Next, skulls collided with a clapping of flesh so sharp, Heather thought someone had cracked a whip above her.

  One Yautja had begun to fight another. That was when she did the sensible thing, curling her arms over her head and making herself as small as she could.

  She survived that night. That battle resolved itself as she lied on the ground trembling and weeping in terror, but her savior stuck around after all the others had left. He put her things next to her, and waited until her boss came to collect her and get her help. The yautja must have gone through her communicator for her contacts.

  The fractured hip was easily and painlessly repaired but the procedure had completely drained her savings. To her shock and mild horror, someone had wired to her account credits in the exact amount to replace what she'd spent at the Urgent Intervention Facility to fix her leg.

  When she returned to work, who was there at the food court? The yautja who'd stayed that night. He stood out like a broken finger, the cleaned hand bones and torn out skull ports of Skaggers littered about what he wore like grim badges of honor. The sight of him watching her enter her workplace sent a chill up Heather's spine.

  This kept up for weeks, until The Indecent was months behind her. She'd go to work, and he'd be there, just watching. Heather's co-workers weren't fans of her admirer. Yagon, the young clade boy who took the morning shift before her was the least fond of the yautja lingering around.

  Today, as Heather stepped past her bad-blood observer who had decided to lean against the wall next to the employee entrance, Yagon was peeking out from the door to keep a watchful eye on her as she came in for her shift.

  Yagon chittered irritably, antennae vibrating as he took off his smock and hat so he could scratch his double claws at the translator hanging on a lanyard around his the joining of his head and thorax.

  The voice emanating from the little box was monotone and purposefully slow so that it could be heard clearly as he continued chirping and tweeting.

  "You know what that creep does all day waiting for you to come in? He listens to recordings of you singing on your shifts."

  Heather cringed. That was creepy. She'd had a feeling that he'd been able to hear her sing to herself from where he usually hung around, but she never thought he'd record her. It felt incredibly invasive. She briefly imagined confronting him about it, but thought better of it. He could crush her skull between his hands as if it were a brittle little Skitterling egg. She hunched her shoulders and hugged herself a bit.

  Yagon then turned and dropped the claws of his primary arms on her shoulders.

  "I can file an anonymous report for you. Please? I don't want to come in to work one day and find out something happened to you."

  Heather sighed, trying not to vividly imagine how an exiled yautja might retaliate to that.

  "N- no, I think that would just make things worse, Yagon," Heather tried not to whimper.

  Yagon finished folding his smock and hat into his bag and left, but not before offering twice more to file that report.

  A few hours passed and Heather caught herself singing a handful of times as she fell into her work routine but always stopped when she remembered who was listening. It felt awful, being observed so closely and denied the personal freedom do anything without fear of having it recorded for some stranger's entertainment.

  Again, she thought about confronting the yautja watcher, but couldn't help the violent catastrophes imagined with the idea.

  She felt like she couldn't make a noise or do a thing for herself to make this crappy job the least bit bearable without putting on some bizarre show for Captain Cranium Crusher out there! Heather's frustration built and built until she couldn't take it anymore.

  The walk-in cooler. It was sound proof, right? The moment she finished the lunch-rush line of customers holding out their trays for their greasy food, Heather tore off her gloves, tossed them in the general direction of the trash chute and turned on her heel to stomp her way to that cooler door.

  Heather glanced over the counter to confirm the Skull Collecting Jerk was still out there haunting the seating area. There he was, arms crossed against his chiseled chest, ass planted on a chair that could barely hold his weight with his big ugly sandled feet propped up on one of the tables. Bastard.

  She pulled open the thick insulated door and slammed it behind her. First she simply bellowed angrily, stomped her foot, slapped a bag of single serve condiments as hard as she could manage, doing anything to break the severe edge from her frustration.

  "UGH! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" She tore off her work smock and threw her hat on the floor to stomp on it, "I'M JUST A SHORT, ROUND, NOBODY WHO SHOVELS SLOP ONTO PLATES SIX HOURS A DAY. I'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN IN A REAL FIGHT! I'M NOTHING! WHY ARE YOU WATCHING ME? WHAT THE FUCK COULD BE SO INTERESTING ABOUT ME?! STOP WATCHING ME, YOU ASSHOLE!"

  Then, spitefully, she sang her favorite song, watching the misty puffs of her breath dissipate as her heart pounded.

  Now, she felt cold and her throat hurt from belting out her very favorite lyrics so harshly. It wasn't fair, she shouldn't have to be reminded of that night every afternoon on her shift. It sucked, and somehow she felt guilty for being angry even though none of this was her fault and she knew she had every right to be angry. So Heather curled up and cried in the cooler for a half-hour at the helplessness she felt. It felt gross, and she knew by now there had to be a never-ending line of pissed off customers outside. She was afraid of confrontation and couldn't ever imagine herself actually standing up to anyone. She could already tell that she'd be crying in her apartment after work too. Whob wouldn't after the verbal abuse she'd no doubt suffer at the service counter from customers tired of waiting.

  Miserably, Heather stood and steeled her resolve to go back out there. With a deep, shaky breath, put her smock back on and fixed her hat.

  "I'll get through it because I'm good at getting through it," she told herself to make it easier to reach for that door.

  Chur-clunk. Chur-clunk. It was jammed. Oh no the cooler door was stuck. Heather put her weight into her next push, then her entire being into the push after that.

  "Oh GODS I'm going to freeze to death!" she wailed, pushing at the door again with everything she had.

  Frustration, anger, helplessness, now panic. She didn't want to die alone of hypothermia at work.

  There was a bang and a great dent had appeared in the thick door. Before she could figure what was happening, the door was torn completely from the reinforced hinges. Heather shrieked and fell squarely on her bottom.

  There he was again, who else would it be coming to her rescue and staring coldly down at her through the dead lenses of that helmet.

  In one swift motion he lifted his left arm and clicked away at the keys of his gauntlet computer with those claws. The hologram display showed Heather a collection of files marked with icons she recognized. They were just cropped, slightly fuzzy pictures of her name tag for work. With a few more taps of his claw, all of the icons dissolved. He deleted them. He'd deleted all of his recordings which pertained to her.

  "Oh, shit, you heard all of that," Heather whimpered, clutching her head with both hands in mortification. He must have heard what Yagon said earlier too.

  He said nothing, made no noise. He just stood there like an imposing statue for a few tense seconds before turning to stride away.

  She wasn't fired for the broken door and spoiled food. Before she could even collect herself from the floor in the cooler, her boss was wired a credit transfer for "damages".

  Later as she heard of his generosity, it also explained the mysterious funds appearing in her account after the hip procedure. That had been Him too.

  Her "admirer" didn't come back after that, which was a relief for the first week or two. After a while she found herself over thinking the whole thing. Yautja were notorious for being socially incomprehensible. Heather wondered if he just pitied her so much after one of his own kind damn-near destroyed her that he felt responsible for her continued safety. Or, maybe he was just a stalking sleeze-ball. She tended to flounder between the two conclusions, but one thing was certain, he was respecting her boundaries now and she appreciated that.

  After nearly a month, she decided that the best closure she'd get was accepting that the entire ordeal was some bizarre misunderstanding, totally on his part, and he did a few nice things but that didn't make up for the weeks and weeks of discomfort he'd inflicted.

  More time passed, Heather became more comfortable with her new job, and she very nearly forgot about that Yautja. The only time she remembered him were on cold days when her hip would ache, but it was pleasantly warm out on the afternoon she came in for her shift and found Yagon agitated with his antennae twitching so fast one might expect them to fly off his head. Heather looked around, hoping that the cleaning she couldn't finish the night before hadn't upset him. What she found was... Unusual, and she certainly hadn't left the thing there last night.

  It was a skull, from what she wasn't sure, sitting there on the counter by the check out scanner.

  "The Creep is back. This time he left a name with that." Yagon's translator couldn't read the inflections in his speech, but Heather could tell where the translator omitted expletives.

  "W-hat was it? His name?"

  "Stone Fist was the direct translation. I can't get the translator to say the correct pronunciation in his language and he made a scene about it until I threatened to call security. You know what that thing means, don't you?"

  Heather nodded, she knew what it meant. Everyone did. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the empty sockets of the skull. It was as if it were staring through her being.

  "I can still file that report, Heather," Yagon offered again.

  "Don't, I mean... As long as I don't take it, then nothing happens. Right?"

  "As far as I'm aware? I think that's how it works."

  If Heather didn't touch it, he wouldn't come back. If she took it home, he'd follow her home because accepting an offering like that was an act of giving permission to pursue courtship.

  Working with that lifeless skull watching her was eerie to say the least. She covered it with her hat midway through her shift so she didn't have to look at it. At the end of her shift as she fiddled with the patterned key to lock up before she left, she considered the skull one last time. No, She wasn't taking it, but she'd leave a note. Two notes actually, one to ask Stone Fist if he would consider an actual conversation before anything else, and a second note to apologize to Yagon for asking him to speak with Stone Fist again.

To Be Continued?

[danieyells]

Messy mutterings about Chapter 55 spoilers with a small angst warning, copypasted from discord with little cleaning and edits lol

I'm imagining Raphael sent Luke away so he wouldn't interfere with him killing/fighting Michael and Simeon went along with the idea and is in the human world too so Luke's not, y'know, on his own in a strange new world and to reduce Luke's suspicion and all. But as Michael and Raphael are fighting or whatever Luke somehow learns what's going on/realizes why things are off and rushes home to try and stop it.

He tries to get between Raphael and Michael(perhaps his back, Raph perhaps striking while Michael is lost in thought missing the brothers, spaced out, staring at the wall where their portraits were) and is struck violently by Raphael's spear instead. Simeon, ofc, followed him home to try and protect him but is too late because of Luke's own determination to protect Michael bonus if he grows a little in this scene--just magically, because his current smol form is too weak to help surely but if he were a little bigger, a little stronger, maybe he could make it in time--!! and Luke is impaled.

He doesn't die but none of the three wanted Luke hurt in this confrontation--Michael is angry at Raph for attacking/being violent in the first place, Raph is mad at Simeon for failing to restrain Luke, and Simeon is like is now really the time for this because hello Luke is hurt.

Angels are made of strong stuff, he's not gonna die but he'll be in a bad spot if they don't get him to an angel who specializes in healing. I've elected this to be Uriel for now although I've been told that Raphael is generally percieved as the angel of healing--but with OM canon his reputation sonfar is so hostile I'm gonna say that may not be the case. Michael (or Raph) can stave things off for a bit but he's not healing specialized either--they're all Archangels and Seraphs but their fields are elsewhere, mostly combat.

(Luke tries to assure that he's fine and attempts to remove the spear. They don't allow this because the spear is, of course, keeping most of his blood in at the moment.)

They can't fly him to someone because it'd be bumpier so they have to carry him or call/run/send for help--so other angels do learn what's going on and speculation begins. Luke is hospitalized and Raph and Michael and Simeon stay with him while he sleeps, kinda tensely, not really ready to talk out whatever happened. But before he passed out Luke tried to tell Raphael not to fight/kill Michael, to talk to him instead. He wanted to tell him to talk to the demons/humans too, they're not as bad as they think(he and Raph are very likeminded so he thinks 'maybe Raphael will listen to me since I'm starting to see that I was a little wrong maybe') but he couldn't get it out.

Simeon messages the demons, Solomon, and MC and says he won't be returning to the human world/devildom for a bit because Luke was hurt in the CR. Mammon, having had recently gotten attached to Luke, is stunned and angry and anxious and wants to know what happened. Simeon isn't ready to tell them yet, and Mammon demands Barb make a portal to the CR for him to check on Luke--surely Barb is also worried because he cares for Luke too!

Diavolo says they're not allowed to go and Barb agrees(he felt as much before Diavolo said anything too.) Simeon agrees because there's some unrest now and speculation and with an exchange student angel having had been injured by a notoriously demon-skeptical Archangel some angels are worried the demons may be involved in this somehow and if demons suddenly showed up it'd make things worse. Mammon curses his helplessness because his new little brother minion is hurt and he can't even check on him. Simeon feels helpless too--he's an archangel, a Seraph, but he can't help Luke either.

I imagine MC then offers to visit instead--they may be a powerful sorcerer now but they're still just a sheep human with an inhuman aura right? They wouldn't be as concerning for the general populace. After some consideration the demons and Solomon agree this would be okay, as does Michael and Simeon [and Raph maybe] but they say to wait a few hours/a day or two before doing so, just to allow some cooldown/recovery in the CR.

(In the meantime Mammon reviews one of Luke's recent text chains to him where he's baking something. He tries to copy all the steps and instructions and clumsily makes some cupcakes. They're ugly and Mammon isn't known for his stellar cooking, but they kinda relieve him a bit and Beel says they taste alright, so Mammon asks MC to bring them to the CR for Luke for him--there's enough for Michael too since he's probably going through a hard time. It's not like he cares or anything!! He's just building up credit! They'll owe him with interest when this is all said and done!!!)

Idk what'd happen afterwards--it's probably the first time MC meets Raph so it's not under the best circumstances and he definitely wouldn't trust sweets from a demon. And even if he was gonna fight/kill Michael he doesn't trust that Mammon would give him anything safe and instinctively would tell Michael not to touch them, let alone Luke if he's awake to do so. So it's not like he hates Michael, he just. Things need to change and he tried to incite it the only way he knows how--or, rather, the most effective way, given how quickly things changed after the Rebellion. A spear to the throat makes anyone listen. A rebellion is what made Michael change, so maybe it will help him go back to normal too.

(Maybe Luke is awake enough to hear them talking about these things and weakly asks if Raph is going to be exciled over this--the first thing he says since passing out. They're surprised because. He got injured trying to protect Michael but he's still trying to protect Raphael, Michael's assailant? But Luke understands how Raphael feels because he feels the exact same way--or he used to. He didn't trust demons or humans or sorcerers or the exchange program, he didn't think they should get along at all. And he saw how sad Michael was without the brothers and hated them for that too--and Raph feels the same way, right?

Angels are all family. Raphael, Michael, Luke, Simeon, even when they disagree, when their views don't align due to time and perspectives and experiences and ages and positions, they're all brothers. And Lucifer and them were their family too. Even if they disliked them or how they behaved, even if they resent their rebellion and its effects they were still family and they loved and cared about them.

And Raphael doesn't want to see Michael hurting anymore either--certainly not over people who don't care anymore, certainly not over people who turned on them and Father, who must hate them as well. . .but he's been with the brothers for over a year now. Maybe two or three at this point. And he may have only learned it recently but. . .they haven't forgotten. They probably don't hate them. And the demons, the humans, even those unfaithful and the practitioners of dark magic, the fallen, they're not as bad as they thought. They're not necessarily their enemies. Raphael doesn't know it like Luke does because he's never left the CR aside for war and maybe visiting the human world briefly too, right? But if he'd consider things differently, if he's allowed a chance to learn, Luke himself promises Michael, promises Father who's surely watching as he always is, that he'll understand. Raph made a rash decision albeit after many many years of consideration-- but it was out of ignorance, so please forgive him and give him another chance and don't excile him? On top of that he needs a chance to learn and do better--imagine how he'd feel, being turned into something he hates or fears? It will help him learn, sure, but it also may only make him feel worse or make him do something more rash or result in another Fall if he has supporters.

Raphael doesn't hate Michael--he just wants things to be different. Perhaps to go back to normal. And he doesn't want Michael to mope over the loss of the seven brothers and Lilith anymore either.

And maybe in this time, since they'd have to decide what to do about Raph, Michael requested Diavolo come over too--y'know, in case Raph is exciled, they'd want Diavolo's approval and reassurance to keep an eye on him too. So maybe he or Barb, as they arrive in the room, would approve of Luke's appeal--ask what Michael and Simeon And Raph and MC think. They could always bring him in as an exchange student too! 😘 That worked for Luke!

Ultimately Raph probably wouldn't be exciled/become a Fallen but be given another chance. Maybe he's stripped of his title temporarily, until he's sufficiently deemed to learn about demons, angels, their history together, culture, whether or not they can get along, etc--so he's bitter, but thankful. And Michael understands that perhaps he's been allowing how much he misses the brothers and Lilith to cloud him and maybe it's time to move on and make changes to the Celestial Realm again after all this time. Bonus points if the bros came along and he was too distracted to sense them--someone's like "oh you're moving on? So we came here for no reason after all?" and ofc he's happy to see them again and gets to hang out with them again for a while before getting to say a goodbye with more closure. And he hangs off of Lucifer's neck the whole time they're there lol he and Dia bond over being Lucifer fanboys too.

Luke's okay in the end--a little worse for wear because being stabbed by Raphael is Not A Small Ordeal but he's okay and he shows a little more maturity. But he's also still same old Luke who will happily point out how awful demons are and use it as an excuse for distrust/fear--but he's more mindful of it now because he feels like he needs to set a good example for Raph lmao.)

[ocelysium]

A Step to the Past Pt. 4

Summary: On one painfully meaningful day for Jason, he make some mistakes and is unable to fix them before the Joker strikes, causing havoc in his life and the life of a very important person.

Type: Angst

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1521

Tags: @saramdeuli @the-singing-canary @royslittleharper @melyaliz @schninner-writes-some-stuff @kori-the-cutie

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 2 [LILY’S POV] | PART 3 | PART 4

MASTERLIST

Standing at the front of the manor with Dick, Jason had never felt more nervous in his life. He concealed it easily, with a stoic face and a still composure. No one would be able tell that anxiety was eating him out--perhaps Lily could though, but she wasn't with him right now. He watched expectantly as a sleek black car came into view, coming to a stop in front of them.

Bruce exited the car, followed by two unfamiliar men. One of them was an older man--Bruce’s age or slightly younger--but he was well-built and still very handsome. The younger man could pass by as a model. They had the same jawline and eyes, it was clear they were related, and it seemed that the son had inherited his father’s good looks.

While Jason remained close to the door, Dick went up to them with open arms and a bright smile. He embraced the older man warmly. “Mr Sauveterre! It's great to see you again!”

Lily’s father simply chuckled at the youth’s energy. “I told you before, call me Johann!” His accent was not as distinguishable but still thick. He placed his hands on Dick’s shoulders and studied him like a proud father. “You've grown into a fine young man. The last time I saw you, you were so young.”

Dick scratched his head, flattered by the compliment. It was clear they were close and Dick looked up to the Johann. It made Jason feel even worse that they knew each other. He felt so isolated, he wanted to curl on the bed next the Lily and just hide from the world.

“So much energy, I don't know how you do it.” The younger man shook his head and opened his arms to embrace Dick as well. “It is so good to see you again my friend.”

Dick patted the man’s back. “You too Alex. We've got to catch up.”

Johann’s eyes trailed up to meet Jason’s, and they both froze. He saw Bruce silently urging him to step out and greet their guests, but what if they didn't like him? If Lily’s family didn't like him, what was going to happen?

Shoving his thoughts to the side, he walked up to Johann and extended his hand in a seemingly confident manner. “Good morning… sir. I'm… Jason.” He hesitated, just realizing that the man in front of him attended his funeral.

Hopefully Bruce took care of that.

“Hello Jason.” The man shook Jason’s hand. He had a firm grip. “Bruce told me about you.”

Alex de Sauveterre studied Jason from afar with critical eyes, but shook his hand as well. The heir to the family business empire had a look of concern but amazement on his face. Jason didn't know whether to be worried or relieved.

“We should go in. I want to see Lily.” Alex stated in a serious matter, shifting their priorities and reminding everyone why the two most important men in Lily’s life were present in America.

Bruce nodded. “Of course. I'm sure the Damian and Tim are with her right now. Shall we go?”

As they walked towards the room Lily was staying in for the time being--until they knew for sure the Joker wouldn't come after her again--Jason slowed his pace so he was next to Bruce. He leaned in and whispered rather suspiciously, “he’s not surprised.”

“I explained everything to him.” Bruce informed.

“You trust them?” Jason asked skeptically, his brows raised in shock.

“I wasn't left with much of a choice.” Bruce snapped, still keeping his voice quiet to avoid uninvited ears. “They can be trusted though. In fact, they had known for quite some time now and chose to say nothing about it.”

Dick opened the door to Lily’s temporary room quietly, careful to take a peek in to see if she was resting. Confirming that she was in fact awake, he ushered the guests in. Jason didn’t know whether to enter or remain outside, but he decided that the family needed some time alone.

Sensing Jason’s anxiousness, Dick pulled his brother to the side. “Don’t worry, they’ll love you.”

“Yeah, easy for you to say.” Jason mumbled, “I’m not used to this shit.”

“There’s a first for everything?” Seeing that Jason was still unconvinced, Dick smiled and slapped Jason’s back. “Come on Jay, you really think Lily’s gonna let her family get in the way if by some chance they don't like you?”

Jason shook his head and released a heavy breath. “Look, never mind. I’ll deal with this myself.”

And with that, the vigilante hurried to the library which offered much-needed solitude and peace.

The Sauveterres had long since left Lily’s room, leaving her alone. As everyone else was busy eating dinner downstairs, Jason took this opportunity to see her.

Creaking the door open, he took a peek into the room. Lily was sitting up on her bed reading a novel, and he couldn't help but take a second to admire how beautiful she was.

He cleared his throat, drawing her attention. Her eyes traveled up to meet his and she smiled at the sight of him. He smiled back, closing the door behind him quietly and walking over to sit on the bed.

“Hey.” he whispered.

“Hey.” she said with equal volume, “where were you?”

With a sigh, he responded, “out, avoiding your dad and brother.”

Lily giggled and shook her head. “Why?”

“Because…” he ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath, “they might not like me, and then what will happen?”

She frowned, but then she came to the realization that he felt insecure. “Come on Jason… they’ll love you!”

“But what if they don't?” he asked, sounding worried, “I mean… I’m no Saint. I’ve died and came back to life. I kill for a living. I smoke, lose my temper, have a shitty attitude and won't leave my apartment without a weapon.” He ranted, his voice growing louder. “My life is a fucking rollercoaster that only goes one way; down--hell, I’m walking danger magnet!”

“Jason.” Lily reached out to hold his hand, looking at him in concern.

“I-I’m sorry.” Jason muttered, rubbing his face tiredly. In all honesty, he hadn't been sleeping well at all, which affected him greatly.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” she reassured gently, “you can get angry, you can shout and have these outbursts. It's normal, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“It’s just--I just--” he sucked in a sudden breath of air before looking into her eyes, “I want to be strong for you.”

“Jason…”

“No--Lily, just listen.” Jason pleaded, making her nod slowly. “Since I’ve met you, you’ve always stepped up to the plate when I didn't. Every single time, you've calmed me down, kept me sane, stayed by my side through thick and thin and never complained, even before we got together. You always stayed strong for me.” his lips wobbled as he took hold of both her hands, “now I want to be the one who steps up to the plate, but I can't even do that properly.” He said it with such sadness, conveying how broken and helpless he felt inside.

“No, no Jason--” Lily shook her hand, leaning forward and cupping his cheeks, “you're doing great, okay? You saved me. I was so scared and you were there for me, and you were with me the whole way.” she rubbed her thumb against his skin, “I’m still keeping it together because… because of you. You are my rock. You are what keeps me sane.”

Jason placed his hands over hers and held them with care, relishing the feeling of having her with him. He could feel her fear. It was powerful and almost overwhelming, even for him. Yet it motivated him to hold it together. He was scared too but as he said before, he wanted to be the one who was strong.

“Thank you.” he murmured in an airy voice as he studied her face carefully. “God…”

“What is it?” she inquired in a hushed voice.

“I could've lost you that day.” he uttered in a weak, vulnerable voice. He felt a pang in his heart when he thought about it. She was placed in that position because of him. If she had died, it would be her blood on his hands too.

And he wouldn't know how to deal with that.

“You didn't.” Lily said firmly, “I’m here, with you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Jason stared at her in awe before leaning in to capture her lips in a kiss which she returned instantly. There was a hint of shyness, like every other time she kissed him, but her passion and love was impossible to miss.

“I love you.” he said in between kisses, holding onto her desperately as if his life depended on it. At this point he didn't know whether it really did or not. He loved her too much to see a world without her.

“I love you too.” she gasped as he pulled her closer.

And really, that was all that mattered at that very moment.