#why has no one told me ive been spelling his name all wrong

[parasocialcelebritycrush]

hm

[casual-socks]

HI IVE BEEN MASSIVELY HYPERFIXATED ON TMA FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND IVE SEEN MAYBE ONE (1) SINGULAR PERSON TALK ABOUT THIS and i am not even kidding when i say its been a passionate topic of conversation for that entire year. people know me for this. it comes up and my entire friend group SIGHS AUDIBLY because they know the 20 minute tangent i Will be taking

WHATTTTT IS GOING ON WITH GERARD KEAYS NAME. what. what???? okay i

youre telling me jonathan sims went to oxford college (relatively prestigious if my memory serves me correctly) for RESEARCH. for, to put it simply, READING. and he looks at the name gerard and goes Yeah looks like jared to me lets go with that!!! HELLO?? NO?? not even mentioning the fact that he is being what could easily be called possesed when reading these statements which leaves us with two options

1. the ENTIRETY OF ENGLAND CANNOT PRONOUNCE THE NAME GERARD.

2. jonathan sims is so monumentally stupid that he is somehow breaking this possesion for the 2 seconds it takes to say the name gerard (i love him i swear i will sound so so hateful for this entire post but its out of love)

and like??? its not even that EVERYONE is calling him jared? elias and gertrude have both called him gerard and thats just off the top of my head. i also think jon said it correctly ONEEEE SINGULAR TIME. Just the once.

now i feel it necessary to mention jared hopworth here as well. because why, why on gods green earth, would you name a character gerard. pronounce it jared. TURN AROUND AND GO. lets make another jared but this ones made out of meat and is sort of implied to not be too fond of gay people. Yeah he steals peoples bones. Yeah.

SO LIKE GERARD KEAY IS THE OBJECTIVELY SUPERIOR JARED EXCEPT HES NOT JARED HIS NAME IS LITERALLY GERARD?? FUCK YOU SO MUCH

so okay. sure whatever this podcast is sooo british that a bunch of people are just completely failing to pronounce gerard. sure. whatever you say.

GERRY?????? HIS FUCKING NICKNAME IS GERRY???????????? NO!!!!

NO. no. LOOK ME IN MY EYES. LOOK AT THE NAME GERARD. GER-ARD. AND YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA CALL HIM JARED. SND THEN YOURE GONNA CALL HIM GERRY WITH A G???? gerry with a g. that is utterly ridiculous i cannot even believe this that is monumentally frustrating i cannot even begin to describe to you all the anger i have experienced over this particular bit because why on earth would you take that particular extra step??? gerard -> gerry. sure. thin ice, but sure. jared -> jerry. sure! yeah! makes sense! GERARD -> JARED -> GERRY? you must be playing some sick joke jonny sims. seriously. you are a cruel and usual man

now this is when i start to wind down, but far from where i finish. lets take a moment to really pause and soak in his actual name here.

gerard.

that is so unfortunate already i mean really, gerard is such a…. a name…. i mean his mom skins people and puts them in books and the cruelest thing i think she ever couldve done is honest to god name her son gerard.

keay.

now dont get me wrong. theres nothing seriously wrong with spelling it keay on principle. but god, really? youre gonna shove all this gerard gerry jared business in front of me and tell me his last name is just key but gone the extra mile. really feels like the cherry on top of a shit cake.

now if you consider gerards character i truly feel as though thats the deepest disservice here. gerard keay is an incredible character whos short appearance is so memorable and charming, and despite his VERY little screen time he still has an intriguing and well fleshed out character. really, gerard keay is so excellent character wise. But, every time i think about him for any more than 5 minutes, almost this exact rant is being told to whoever is unfortunate enough to be near me at the time.

another thing i think also really adds to this is just the nature of gerard keay. everything you can say about that guy could be ended with “and everone calls him jared for some reason”. hes emo and everyone calls him jared for some reason. his hair dye job is so miserable that EVERYONE mentions it and everyone calls him jared for some reason. he has mommy issues and everyone calls him jared for some reason.

okay i need to wrap this up before i start just repeating WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY for thousands of words but heres a graph i made for my friends in october 2022 when i was going on about this in the middle of my spanish class 👍👍

[ebdanon]

we're a different breed of christianity here so easter is tomorrow and she asked what plans we had for lunch. we said we had none aside from visiting my family as tradition some time during the day. and she went off. it was 7pm when she started, it ended at 11. so when she asked what shes done wrong toward me, i said "do you want me to behind with how you've called me a piece of shit, or do you want me to end with how you've caller me a piece or shit?" which left my fil speechless and my mil claiming shes never done that. and my husband butted in about how she's shit talked my family members - dead or alive, who she does and doesnt know, like a phone book. the names she's called my husband. how she keeps cursing everyone (its difficult to translate from my native language but it's basically something like "if ive ever done that i should drop dead right now, or if you dont do this i will drop dead right now, or i swear i have/havent done this on (insert person's) life) which is largely considered a sin here. she's cursed my niece that way so many times since we've been here, swearing on her life. the poor kid's been sick every few weeks. im not saying im superstitious but im a little stitious. she stopped mentioning the niece and started mentioning her own life. a bit later was when the oven door incident happened. i cant not be a little stitious. last night she cursed my husband and i's any future kids me might have, and any kids they might have. shes done that before but my fil never believed it because he wasnt around to hear it, until last night. i spoke up and started talking back and she let completely loose and for the first time my fil heard all the things she'd been saying he didnt believe. they slept in separate rooms after. last night's additions to the spreadsheet include how well i keep fucking my husband over to ruin his life and the relationship he has with his parents because i control him, and my parents control me; that we dont need to involve ourselves in anything theirs, we can go be happy with my parents since we're so happy listening to them; that my shit grandma told my mil how whatever my nice grandma gives her she should throw out because it's likely cursed with a spell; she also made up that the nice one said the same thing about the shit one which is impossible because she's not the one that believes in that kind of bs;

anyway, i was so over it i told her to please keep talking, so i would finally actually start recording her like she accused me of doing, so maybe we can actually make something from the scenarios she makes up in her head. because apparently she sees me as the worst thing in existence, like hitler (i wanted to say the devil but i didnt wanna go into her imaginary witchcraft bs), in charge of directing the movie where everyone is against her. she kept making up more and more things i dont remember half of it tbh, im gonna chat with my husband to jog my memory some time in the next few days. many times in the past, shes left the room claiming she was going to call my parents to ask them to stop giving us instructions. she did that last night, came back waving the phone around and her mask slipped when she noticed the phone was hung up. she got even more upset as to why my mom would hang up. my fil was appalled and grabbed the phone from her. hes the one that likes being in charge of airing dirty laundry to the public (he's shit talked his kids to coworkers so many times, in front of his granddaughter, my niece, that reports to her mom, my sil, who tells us all about it). i got texts from my family asking if im okay and whats happening, everyone was concerned, so i asked my mom what happened. she said my mil called her a bunch of times in a few minutes, screaming about something she couldnt get (im sure she know what that something is but doesnt want to say it) and i asked how many times has my mil done that. she said she didn't really remember. so, many times id guess, each time she threatened to do so maybe. i asked my mom to tell me next time she does that.

mil said she's call my whole family in the morning to let them know how horrible we are, and how we treat her badly. she went downstairs to talk to my sil for a good 15-20mins, and thats when my fil continued berating but not screaming. asking why i didn't follow doctors recommendations from the doctors he recommended. i told him bc the recommendations dont make sense, just as they didnt last year for his son and he was the one to say so. i shared about some horrible experiences with other doctors ive had which shook him. one obgyn told me id never be able to have kids after learning ive been on birth control for almost a decade at that point. she was wrong of course, so i stopped going to her, but her saying that shook me. i got a second opinion. i know fil wants a grandkid so i threw that at him, skipping over the birth control bit because my in laws hate that im on in, side note they also think tampons are unhealthy (what i use). i told him it doesnt make sense to take meds if the doc seems incompetent to ME, and i have no medical experience. you dont look at a young healthy thin person and throw beta blockers because of high blood pressure that miraculously goes down on its own after a few hours. especially since i was under observation at the hospital the first few times and they administered them to me and nothing happened. he wasnt listening the whole time and tried twisting some info around but i think my husband and i got through to him. she came back and continued screaming, calling me names, saying im the same as her sil(the one she claims is a witch) and i kept calmly responding. she asked what gave me the idea she has a problem with me and i listed off all the curses and shit talking, she said im imagining it. started making excuses. how she didnt shit talk my aunt, i misunderstood, she was just upset her son wasnt well. ah, but ive been staring at that spreadsheet for so long i have the quotes memorized. and started shit talking her again. that's the only time i yelled. i screamed "you are doing it right now". i dont scream. im a very quiet person. i had to be quiet growing up with my parents who are similar. the room went quiet when i screamed. and she left.

anyway, woke up today to her screaming at her husband again, she screamed at him last night too because he wasn't on her side after we talked to him while she was downstairs. she called my sil after everything, my sil learned all the issues mil has are actually from my fil. he's the one filling her head with garbage and she's too easy to upset. but they both have different talking points and lie a lot so i find it hard to believe.

i have other notes i forgot to mention throughout all this but i have to go now

<3

im surprised your husband is a normal human being after being raised by those crackpots jesus christ 😭 im glad you’re standing up to them because they sound like absolute nightmares to deal with day to day

also the beef she has with your parents is absolutely crazy

[gay-salt-amber]

Twisted Wonderland as Matt Rose stuff

Sleep Talking:

—

Deuce about Epel: My boyfriend once cupped my crotch in his sleep and said, “Two out of five stars.”

Jack: “Oh Walmart, Oh Walmart, Oh Walmart” Non stop for a half an hour

Ashton about his siblings: “..but he’s single on facebook!” My 12 year old stepsister…

Ace: “FLOYD GRAB THE FILES!”

Idia: “I’m gonna fuck Bill Gates CERVICALLY with a Playstation Four!”

Azul: “Its the monkeys problem if they cant finish the contract.”

Jade about Floyd: “I have to get past the Pikachu to get to the filing cabinet to see if I’m a robot or not.” Then he whipped a plate at the wall.

Lilia (Im fleshing this one out a bit) about silver: Once Silver walked out into the living room while asleep, came up to me and asked, “Father, why are deer the only animals that dont get fat?” I had to think about that one

Rashad: “I wanna be a fifth avenue peanut~”

Cater: “The clown has no penis”

Epel: “I just wanna… deep breath.. Kick so much ass”

Ruggie: Randomly yelled, “DUNKIN DOUNUTS!”  

Neige: “Small hands… inaudible Very small. How are they that small?”

Floyd: “No but the fish that was looking at me was a weird looking fish”

Che’nya: “Possum, possum, possum!” (with jazz hands)

Riddle: “Satan, love, share the damn yogurt”

Leona: sometimes I just randomly yell “FUCK” and wake myself up

Vil: Once I said, “eat the fucking veggie roll!” And then I cried

Rook (changed this one too) I once said, “I wanna be waterboarded with cheese!” In this mocking “Oh yeah daddy” type voice

Sebek: “I’m Spider-Man and i’m going to kill your family”

Trey: “ok ok, two bowls of butter”

Esther: “No no no no, use Snorlax. It has better special defense”

Crowley: “Get the fucking jetpacks ready”

Sam: I once sand Britney Spears “Circus” at the top of my lungs in my sleep and startled myself awake

Crewel (Switched this one up) I once grabbed Sams ass thinking it was a light switch

Kalim: “Don’t be so racist to spotted mice!”

Jamil: “I could have sex with everyone in New York in 8 hours”

—

not knowing how to pronounce stuff

Ruggie: I pronounce malady as m’lady

Malleus: my whole life I have been pronouncing tarot cars like carrot

Rashad: I used to pronounce Ibs (pounds) as Ill-a-balls

Kalim: I’ve been reading and saying hyperbole as ‘hyperbowl’ for fucking years

Epel: Pronounced crepe as “creep-ayy”

Rook: (changed it up) Ever since i’ve started speaking English i’ve been pronouncing melancholy as “Milan-chili”

Vil: I’ve been calling laptops labtops my whole life until 2 days ago

Leona: I’ve been pronouncing “hospice” like perfume for prostitutes all along and no one has corrected me.

Azul: I’ve been pronouncing ratio like ‘patio’ this whole time

Floyd: Unil recently, ive been pronouncing lingerie as “ling-eerie”

Deuce: TIL the correct pronunciation of persimmon. I’ve been pronouncing it like the name of a fucking Digimon

Riddle: “Satisfy. I pronounced and spelled it as statisfy until a couple days ago

Ace: I found out that “oui” is pronounced like “wee” i’ve been pronouncing it like “ooey” my entire life

Neige (changed): A friend had to correct me when I said eppy-toam for epitome. She was an English major

Lilia: I'm over 50 and still have trouble with “khaki”

Cater: my entire life I’ve been pronouncing cement as semen-t and no one corrected me.. Til now

Jamil: Well this is embarrassing Ive been pronouncing ‘priates’ like ‘pilates’ for the last 17 years

Silver: grotesque. It came up one time while watching a movie when I was younger and I asked my friends, “What the hell is grote-squee imagery?”

Idia: Yall pronounce sk8 like skate??? Ive been pronouncing it like skate eight the whole time!

Arie: Guys the cheese isnt “Monetary Jack” ITS MONTEREY JACK?!!!! IVE BEEN PRONOUNCING IT LIKE ITS RELATED TO MONEY MY WHOLE LIFE

Jade: Lack toast and tolerant. I had no idea what the hell it had to do with dairy until I was corrected

Floyd: I once asked my dad what “reptile disfunction” was

Esther (changed): A monstero lounge waiter told me that id been pronouncing my own surname wrong and I honestly feel like my whole life has been a lie

Sebek: I've always called them brussel sprouts instead of brussels sprouts

[justcallmenikki7]

BTS Reaction To: Feeling Unworthy To Being His S/O

Hyung!Line & Mafia!Au summary: a rookie makes a comment about you being his wife, and it is not a positive one warnings: mafia!au, mentions of killing and drugs, insecure reader and hoseok in his part, crying from reader and yoongi, soft!yoongi, mentions of depression and depressed reader in namjoons part, soft!bts, fluffff, mentions of abusive family (reader being abused in the mentions mentally), scared hoseok, bts being soft for you and only you, rude rookies/newbie, comments about hating self and body. Mainly anything that has to deal with anxiety, depression, and self hate. This is a different type of mafia reaction I feel like w.c.: 2.3k notes: namjoons part was pretty personal to me and so it may hit home to some. Btw, I know it has taken me a while to post, but ive been trying to find my touch still, but please be patient with me!! School is starting up again next week, so I will be busy with it and with work too. Good news is that I finally found my writing self again!

Kim Seokjin

Am I being dramatic?

That was the first question that popped through your head when the newbie made the comment about your ability to have authority over him and group of others. Saying how you have no skill to be in your position, which is standing right next to your husband, Kim Seokjin, the deadliest mafia boss in the world.

From the beginning of your relationship with Seokjin, you have always felt inferior and unsure of yourself, especially lately when you guys got married. You took the position of being the ‘second in command’ even though his right-hand man, Kim Namjoon, is his go to. If anything, ever happened to Seokjin, he made sure you were the one to take over his business with the help of Namjoon. Before the marriage, Seokjin obviously asked you to which you agreed immediately – thinking that everyone in Seokjin’s gang was going to want this since they knew that you were his fiancée (at the time) and understand why you were getting the position. When Namjoon was told this, you began to apologize because you believe that he deserves the title because of how long Namjoon has been by your husband’s side. But those worries shut away when Namjoon smiled at you as he pulled you into a hug, congratulating you. In the back of your mind, you still believe that Namjoon deserves your position, but the constant reassurance from both Namjoon and Seokjin’s five other close friends, you felt confident. You knew a lot of the ins and outs of the job, thanks to being with Seokjin for almost seven years now, but sometimes you felt as if you did not deserve the position.

The one thing that fueled that thought was the newbie’s comment.  

“No offense, noona, but you don’t necessarily have the skill for this job. It is more of, you know, a man’s job.”

In a way, you believed that he was right. You believed that you did not have any power in this position, having no say, thinking that all of the members will believe you are just joking by ordering them around. This comment took a mental toll on you, causing you to lock yourself in your shared bedroom with your husband, hiding underneath the comfort of your blanks, staring blankly at the wall. This is where your husband found you, a concerned look on his face as he sped walked to your side.

“Sweetheart, what is wrong?” He asked in a calm, comforting voice, an action that had you crying.

The first that went through Seokjin’s head was to comfort you but the second one was to find the bastard or bitch that hurt you and to kill them.

“I don’t deserve the position in your gang, Jin. I’m not fit for it, or even to be your wife. Namjoon deserved the title of your secondhand man. The newbie is right, this is a man’s job—” you were cut off by your husbands hand covering your mouth.

“Who told you this.”

“The newbie, Soojin.” You said, not realizing that you were signing the document of his termination. It only clicked when Seokjin stood up, a dark look on his face as he made his way to your guys closet, grabbing his favorite gun.

Knowing that there was no way of stopping your husband from killing the newbie as he gave you a kiss on your lips, rubbing his nose against yours in sentimental way that always brings a smile to your face. “I’ll be back later, sweetheart.”

Min Yoongi:

Yoongi could see the stressed out look on your face as you made your way into his office. He wanted to comment on it, wanting to know what is wrong with his usual ball of sunshine girlfriend, but he did not. Allowing you to push his chair back so you can climb into his lap, seeking the comfort of his presence and the touch of his skin, he did not mention the tears welling up in your eyes or the wobble of your lip, a tale tell sign of you about to cry. Holding you closely as you silently cried, he massaged your scalp, a comforting form of affection that you love, he wanted to ask you what is wrong, but he only kissed the crown of your head, silently telling you that it is okay to cry.

“Am I worthy to be your girlfriend?” you asked silently, voiced kind of muffled by his undershirt. Fidgeting with his flannel, you braced yourself for the about to come anger from your boyfriend.

“What kind of stupid question is that?” Yoongi gritted out, holding you closer, if possible, to help calm down his anger.

“A question that someone made me think…” not wanting to say names because you did not want to be the reason for someone’s possible death. You knew in the back of your mind that Yoongi will make you say the name of the person who has been causing you distress for the past four days, but you did not want to seem weak and allow them to win in this mental game.

“What made you think this?”

Not being able to lie and play around, you began to ramble. “I don’t know their name since they started a few days ago, but they pointed out that I am just in your way. I am not worthy to be your girlfriend because I am weak, which I am. I am not made to be your girlfriend—”

“Now that is a load of bullshit, Jagi. You are my girlfriend, the love of my life. I love you because you make me feel human and feel so fucking loved. You made me see that there is good in this life – happiness even. You are my home. I do not care that you are not, in your words, ‘weak’ because you choose, along with my authority, to not get in the middle of this gang life. I do whatever I can to protect, and if that means hiding you from danger, then I will. But you are worthy, so worthy. I still question how I am even worthy to be your boyfriend and have the ability to love you and you love me.”

At the end of his speech, both you and Yoongi are in tears. The one thing that both you and Yoongi share is the insecurity of not being loved. But what the most beautiful thing that came out of this relationship is the ability to love yourselves and love each other. So, this topic is what makes you guys emotional – scared even. Scared that you both will lose each other and scared that you guys are not enough. It had been rocky in the beginning but seeing how far you both have came and grew is what made it worth it.

The anger and the want to kill whoever made you think this is what fueled the deadly thoughts in Yoongi’s head. You knew this because you can read Yoongi like a book. Looking down at you, silently asking you if he can feed his hunger, you nodded your head. Yoongi knows that you hate violence, but looking from his perspective, you would do the same thing.

Jung Hoseok

Jung Hoseok is a very observant person, has been since the day he was born. This is what makes him a dangerous person, especially in the mafia world because of how he can easily tell when someone is becoming a traitor or is lying to him.

That is why it is hard to lie to him because of how easily he can pick up your lies. You rarely lied to him, but when you did, he knows that something is wrong. So, for the past few weeks, he can tell that you have became more distant from him, mainly more unsure of yourself. He does not like pestering you about things, opting for you to come to him when you are comfortable enough. Being a person who hates conflict – mainly confrontation – he understands how hard it is for you due to your anxiety.

But he could not take it anymore. Hoseok misses you so much. How can you miss someone when they are right there in front of you?

That is why you are now cornered in his office, both hands beside your head, body pressed against the wall. You could see the conflict in your boyfriend’s eyes, a look that is rarely there because he is always sure of himself. Sure about the situation. But right now, the mafia boss is anything but sure.

“What did I do to make you not love me anymore?”

Looking at him confusedly, “what?”

“You’re distant. You don’t kiss me good morning anymore or even let me hold you at night. What did I do, Jagi?”

“Hope, I’m so sorry. I did not mean for this, for you to feel like this. I’ve been distancing myself because of how I realized that maybe I’m not exactly the type of girlfriend you need, especially in this lifestyle. I’m not strong, or athletic, or just what you need. I realized this when one of your dealers pointed it out when—”

“Why are you listening to what other’s say, Jagi? You do not need their approval for your choices on who you are with. If we are happy, then we are happy. We, you, do not need to make others happy. Making yourself happy is what is important. You are allowing someone who does not even know you decide on your happiness, especially someone who does not even know how to spell.”

“Wait, Jungsoo does not know how to spell?” You asked, going off topic, something that you do not realize a lot, a trait of yours that Hoseok loves about you. He knows that when you do this during serious conversations is when you grasp the situation and what he said.

Chuckling, “yeah, he is a lost cause. Fortunately, Yoongi will be able to test the new drugs he made on him.” Slapping his chest at that, you knew that he was going to get rid of him. “But Jagi, I am serious. I know you have a hard time with listening to people’s opinions, especially when it involves you. But what I have been saying from the moment I realized that I loved you, I do not care whether you are what this peasant considers to be ‘fit’ for my position in the mafia world. I love you for you.”

Grabbing him by his collar, you pull him down to you, smiling like a little schoolgirl, you kissed him.

Kim Namjoon

Namjoon wanted to kill the rookie right then and there. But he could not because of how they are at an important meeting with two other gangs. When the rookie made the underlying comment towards you about your appearance, Namjoon could see the light in your eyes diminish slowly. Shoulders slacking and your body caving in on itself, the sight of seeing your happiness disappear in an instant by an opinion (which is completely false and impossible to be found in any way true), is what made Namjoon feel as if he had not accomplished anything.

You struggle greatly with loving yourself and being happy with yourself. You know that you need to, but from the very first day you were born, your parents made you believe that you are unwanted and not even close to being beautiful. Having an older sister that you were compared to with everything and anything, you were always the one losing while she was winning. Nothing that you did was ever good enough. This had turned you into believing that you were not even good enough. You depend on people’s approval for everything – even if you do not even know them because of the abuse and lies (that you feel as if they are true), you believe that what people think of you is what makes you worthy.

But when you met Namjoon, things started to change. He began to show you how beautiful you are, how worthy and loved you are. It has been a very painful process, but you have gotten better. Yes, you get into a depression and deep rut that takes you forever to get out of. But, with the help from your boyfriend, you get out of it. Even if it means him having to literally drag you out of bed and into the bathroom to brush your teeth and help brush your hair, it helps.

It is just that you never know what a trigger to you will be. As of right now, with the rookies comment repeating in your head.

Realizing the train of thought you began to get, Namjoon pulled out his pistol and shot the rookie right in the head. Grabbing your hand, he excused the both of you and took you into the bathroom.

“Breath, baby, breath.” He cooed, hugging you close to him, kissing the top of your head. “You are so strong, baby. So strong, so beautiful, so perfect.” He whispered in your ear, rubbing circles on your lower back. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“But I allowed—”

“No, no. Let’s not go there, okay? It’s okay to fall sometimes, but remember that we always have to pick ourselves up from where we left off. We can do this, you can do this. You are so strong, my queen. So strong and so beautiful. I love you so much.”

“I love you so much,” you promised back, sniffling. “Please don’t give up on me. I’m trying my hardest.” You begged, grasping his suit jacket tightly in your hands, scared that he will leave you.

“Never.”

[imagines4thefandoms]

Bucky Jr.

so i was planning on writing a small one shot based off of “Ive been watching you” by Rodney Atkins but it grew into a 5K+ imagine.

Takes place during/after endgame so don’t read if you haven’t seen it but it you haven’t are you living under a rock? all of the details based on the movie were written based off memory so if the dialog is a bit off its because i haven’t seen the movie in a while. 

word count: 5k+ like i said i got carried away. 

Bucky Barnes x reader, Steve x platonic! reader

y/n found out she was pregnant three months after they lost to thanos i think you can imagine how this story goes based off the ending of the movie and the song i based this story off of. 

You honestly never thought that you could get Bucky  after you found out that Thanos destroyed the stones. You did everything you could to try and get him back: going to the sanctum to see if there was a spell, pray, hell you even thought you would try to sell your soul. You even looked into the multiverse theory but nothing worked. Three months after half the universe turned to dust you found out that you were pregnant. The thought of having the baby without Bucky there, hurt.  

Steve knew something was wrong when he hadn’t heard from you for a couple of days. He drove over to the house that you and Bucky had gotten.  The only people who knew about the house was you, Bucky and Steve. And because Steve was Steve, he had gotten a spare key, so when he pulled up to the house he just walked right in.  

Steve called out for you but you were too deep into your depression to hear him. You didn’t know that her was here til there was a knock on the bedroom door. You got out of bed so fast cause you thought that Bucky was back.

“Buck,” you asked opening the door.

Your smile fell when you saw that it was just Steve. You had forgotten that Steve knew about the house. Steve game you a soft smile because he knew how hard you were taking the loss. You left the door open and climbed back in into the bed. Steve walked over and sat by your feet.

“He’s not coming back is he,” you asked softly.

“I don’t think so,” he replied.

“I can’t do this without him Steve.”

“Do what?”

You reached into your night stand, grabbed the positive pregnancy test and handed it to Steve. He looked at the text then back at you.

“Did he know,” he asked placing the text on the nightstand.

“No. I didn’t know til last week. Steve I can’t do this alone.”

“(Y/n) you will not be doing it alone. I will be here for you,” he told you pulling the covers off. “Now come on. Time for you to get up.”

“No,” you said taking your pillow and covering your face with it.

“As godfather and favorite uncle it is my duty to get you to get out of bed.”

“Bold of you to assume you're the godfather,” you teased.

~five years later~

Ever since then Steve has been there for you every step go the way. He went to the doctor’s appointments, he helped you decorate the nursery, he even helped you pick the perfect name when you found out it was a boy: James Buchanan Barnes Jr.

Steve moved into the house, Bucky made sure that there was a spare room for Steve, to help you with the long nights after James was born. Every time he woke up to chance a dirty diaper, you would complain and tell him that you got it but he would reply with his same cheesy joke, “I’ve slept for 70 years.”

Steve was there for each step of James’ life. His first word: Steve, well it was te. His first steps, his first day of school. Steve even taught him how to ride a bike. He was like a dad to James, but he never took the role of dad. Every night before bed Steve would tell James stories of Bucky and growing up the two of you made sure that James knew about his father.

“Is daddy ever going to come back,” James asked Steve.

“I don’t think so,” Steve told James sadly.

“Mommy doesn’t talk about what happened to daddy. Can you tell me uncle te,” your son asked.

“Well you know how your parents and I are avengers?”

“Yea.”

“Well there was a bad guy that wanted to wipe out half the universe, so us and the rest of the avengers went to stop him. But we didn’t win so he wiped out half the universe and your daddy was one of those people who got wiped away.” Steve explained.

“Oh you mean the blip.”

“Yea.”

“I wish I met him,” James said pulling his covers up to his chin.

“Me too bud,” Steve tucking him in.

“Uncle te.”

“Yes buck,” Steve responded using the nick he called Buck. He only calls James that when you’re not around as to night hurt your feelings.

“Do you think daddy would like me?”

“I know your daddy would love you,” Steve assured him as he kissed if forehead.

James grabbed the photo of Bucky that you put of his nightstand and held it against his chest. Steve turned off the lights then left his room. Steve stopped when he saw you standing outside James’ room.

“He wanted to know,” he started to say ready to explain why he told James what he told him.

“He’s old enough to know. Im just glad you told him and not me. I would have broken down.”

Steve pulled you in to a hug. You pushed away from him and gave him a small smile letting him know that you appreciated the hug. Steve left to go to bed while you went to the living room and sat on the couch. You grabbed the photo book off the coffee table full of pictures of you and Bucky and just looked at them til you fell asleep.

The next morning you woke up from James pulling your eyelids open. Steve tried to stop him before he woke you up but he was a little too late.

“Sorry I tried to stop him,” Steve said handing you his coffee.

“But mommy had to wake up cause we are going to see Aunt Nat,” James said sitting down at the table eating his breakfast.

After finishing half the cup you got up and went to kiss James’ head. “Your right how silly of me to sleep.”

You finished the coffee and handed the empty up of Steve on your way to your room to get dressed. Going to your closet, you grabbed one of Bucky’s shirts and a pair of jeans. As soon as you finished getting ready for the day there was a little knock at the door.

“Mommy hurry up. I want to see Aunt Nat,”

You opened the door and ruffled his hair as you walked past him. “It that because she shows you all of the old weapons at the compound,” you asked as you grabbed the toast that Steve had made for you.

James stoped in his tracks and looked at you and Steve. “How did you know. It’s supposed to be a secret,” he asked.

“Thats because your mom knows everything,” Steve replied.

“Nu uh, Mommy what’s 12 x 12,” James asked crossing his hands over his chest and tilting his head a little.

“144,” you answered him.

James went over to Steve and held is hand out for Steve’s phone. He pulled it from his pocket and opened the calculator app. He checked your answer and looked up at you with shock and awe.

“Wow mommy does know everything,” he replied handing Steve back is phone.

After ten minutes and James running back to his room to grab his teddy bear Sarge, which he dressed to look like Bucky, the three of you left for the compound. While in the car, James wouldn’t sit still cause he was too excited to see Natasha.

“James, pleas stop kicking my seat,” You asked him.

“Im just too excited,” he replied using his hands to emphasize his statement. “Can we listen to the song?”

“What song it that buddy,” Steve asked looking to James in the rearview mirror.

“Mommy knows the song.”

Steve looked over at you from the driver seat and you smirked at him while grabbing your phone and finding the video. James quickly calmed down once he knew you were going to put the song on.

“Uncle te, you can sing it too,” He said hold Sarge tight in anticipation.

“I might not know the song,” Steve replied.

“Oh you know it,” you smirked.

The song started to play and James pretended to march in place while in his car seat.

Who’s strong and brave to save the American way

“Not all of use can storm a beach or drive a tank. But there is still a way for all of us can fight” James spoke.

Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and day

“Series E defense bonds, each one you buy is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy’s gun”

Who will complain door to door for America

Carry the flag shore to shore for America

From Hoboken to Spokane

The Star Spangled Man with a Plan

“How do you know that,” Steve asked James and you.

“Mommy found it. It’s my favorite,” James replied.

Steve looked over at you and just shook his head. You noticed how red his face was and you just turned it up a little. The entire ride James spoke Steve’s part. After the second go around James convinced Steve to do it with him.

You couldn’t tell who was more happy to see the compound James, to see Nat, or Steve, so you could stop playing his song. As soon as the car came to a stop James unbuckled and got out of the car. Natasha walked out of the compound and held her arms open for James.

“Aunt Nat,” James yelled running into her arms.

“Hey JJ.”

After they went inside you didn’t really see either til lunch time. And since you didn’t hear an explosion you didn’t worry. James was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while nat was talking with Carol, Okoye, Rocket, and Rhodey.

After everyone hung up nat teared up a little because of Clint and James noticed. He grabbed Sarge who was in the chair next to him and handed him to her. “Here Aunt Nat, Sarge makes me feel better when I am sad.” James then went back to eating his sandwich while Steve and Nat talked a little. Then you noticed that someone was at the gate.

“Is that Scott,” you asked.

“How old is that,” Steve asked.

“Its live.”

“James stay here,” you told him as the three of you ran to see if Scott was really back.

The four of you came back to the room and James just looked at confusion. Scott explained how he was here and his plan to get everyone back. You, Nat and Steve looked at each other while Scott sat next to James and ate Natasha’s peanut butter sandwich.

“Hi,” James said pushing a glass of milk to Scott.

“Hey,” Scott replied with a questioning look.

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes Jr.,” James introduced himself. “Wait are you Antman?”

“Yes I am.’

“You are so cool.”

“Thanks kid,” Scott thanked him and finished the sandwich. “I knew your dad.”

“Really, were you friends or did he try to beat you up when Hydra was hurting him?”

“Friends, well I helped him when he was in trouble,” Scott explained.

James nodded his head and thanked Scott for helping his dad, then continued to eat his sandwich. Scott finished his milk then walked over to you and motioned back to James.

“Cute kid.”

~time skip~

After the meeting with BruceHulk, you and Steve knew of the only person who might be able to help. James sat in the middle between you and Scott one the ride up to Tony’s cabin. The entire ride James and Scott were talking about Antman things. Once we got to the cabin James’ fascination with Scott disappeared. All he want to do was play with Morgan. He ran past Tony and gave Morgan a hug.

“Hi Morgan,” James said after their hug.

“James you came to play,” Morgan asked James nodded his head and they ran off to play.

“Hello to you too,” Tony called out to your son.

“Sorry. Hi uncle Tony,” James called out.

Steve, Nat, Scott and you talked to Tony and explained what the plan was. Tony didn’t agree with the plan and kept saying that it wouldn’t work. Morgan and James ran inside. Then Morgan ran back out to “save” Tony. He invited you to stay for lunch which you accepted and went in to see James helping pepper set up the table.

“Aunt pep, I need one more fork,” James said looking at the table counting the plates.

“Here,” she said holding one out for him.

He put the fork in its place and then ran to whisper something in Morgan’s ear. She agreed to whatever he said. They went into the kitchen and grabbed a towel and held it over their arms. James opened his mouth then closed it and went over to pepper. He tapped her leg and motioned for her to bend over so he could whisper in her ear. She whispered something back then came back to stand next to Morgan.

“Lunch will be ready in three minutes,” James said.

“Please wait to be seated,” Morgan stated.

They both came over to Steve and asked for his name. After he gave it name they check the “list” on Morgan’s hand and both nodded their heads.

“Right his way, Mr. Rodgers,” James said leading Steve to his seat.

They did this for everyone and then helped hand out the food to everyone. After lunch the kids played a little while longer but then it was time to leave. You had to figure out time travel without the help of Tony.

“Bye Morgan,” James said sadly.

“Bye James,” Morgan replied equally sad.

The entire time you guys where trying to perfect time travel James was standing next to Bruce wearing a lab coat that was too big and hold a clip board holding some of his drawings. You didn’t tell him why you guys were building a time machine because you didn’t want to get his hopes up.

After all the mishaps with Scott you walked over to James and asked for his scientific opinion on what you were doing wrong. He replied with ‘maybe the clock is broken’. Steve went outside for fresh air while you tried to help Bruce solve this. You were surprised when you saw Steve come back inside with not only his shield but also Tony.

“Let me guess, you were messing around and cracked time travel,” you asked throwing your hands in the air.

“Yes,” Tony said walking over to bruce.

“Wow, is that the shield,” James asked running over to Steve and ran his fingers on the vibranium disk. “Its beautiful.”

“Hold it,” Steve said handing it too James.

His eye lit up and he ran around pretending to be Captain America. After Tony explained how he cracked time travel the team split up to get more people to help with the mission. Tony got Rhodes, Nat got Clint, once rocket and Nebula got back to earth bruce and rocket went to get Thor. You called Pepper and asked her to watch James while you completed the mission and she agreed to so you and Steve brought him back to Tony’s cabin.

Once you pulled up you and Steve looked at each other and decided that now was the time to explain everything to him. Before he opened the door you told him that you needed to talk.

“Do you know why your staying with Morgan and aunt Pep for a couple hours,” you asked him.

“Cause you have a mission,” he asked.

“Yes but do you know what the mission is,” Steve asked him.

“No its top secret. Constitutional.”

“confidential,” you corrected him. “The mission is to bring back daddy and everyone who got blipped away,”

“Your going to save daddy,” James asked.

“Yes.”

“I want to help,” he exclaimed.

“I know you do bud but it's too dangerous. And we need you to be safe. Your dad would want you to be safe,” Steve stated to talk him down.

“Fine but you will call me right after.”

“Yes.”

“Ok, be safe and save daddy,” James said kissing you and Steve on the cheek before he got out of the car and ran too Morgan.  

Pepper waved to you to let you know everything would be okay then you and Steve drove back to the compound. Once you two got back, everyone was in a room talking about the stones and when the best time to get them was. It was decided that New York 2012 would be the best time to get the mind, space and time stone, 2013 Asgard would be the best time to get the reality stone, and 2014 Space would be the best time to get the soul and power stone. The teams were Steve, bruce, Tony and Scott would go to 2012, Thor and rocket would get the reality stone, nebula and Rhodes would get the power, while you Clint and Natasha would get the soul stone.

Everyone suited up and we all wished everyone good luck on their missions to receive the stones. You were standing next to Steve and the next thing you knew you where on an alien planet in the year 2014. Rhodes enlarged the Guardians’ ship and flew team soul stone to vormir. There was a long hike to where the stone was supposed to be. The three of you climbed to the top of the twin mountains and where greeted by the Red Skull. It threw you for a loop but decided to focus on getting Bucky back then the head of hydra at least for now. He explained how we were to get the stone and it was along the lines of soul for a soul. So the three of you sat there in defeat.

“There has to be another way,” you said looking between the two former assassins who where having a whole conversation without talking.

“We have to get that stone. What ever it takes,” Nat said and Clint repeated ‘whatever it takes’

They both stood up and then looked confused at each other. Then you realized what their plan was. Nat was going to sacrifice herself for the stone and Clint was going to do the same.

“No way. That is not happening,” you told them.

“Its the only way,” Nat said walking over to you. “Tell JJ I love them. And get everyone back.”

Nat gave you a hug and an electric shock surged through your whole body. The amount of electricity that you got hit with knocked you out and you didn’t wake up it after you go the stone. You woke up next to Clint in some lake.

“No,” you cried when you saw the stone in his hand and Nat no where to be found.

The two of you took a second to gather your emotions then pressed your belt and went back to 2023. You came back to the platform where left on and just dropped to your knees. Steve came over and checked you for any wounds.

“She’s gone,” you cried as you wrapped your arms around him.

Everyone gave Tony the stones so he could build the gauntlet while you went out to the lake. One by one everyone showed up too. There was a small argument over whether or not we gaunt get Nat back with the stones but you and Clint knew you couldn’t. Steve walked over to you and sat down.

“How am I going to tell James that she’s gone,” you asked him.

“You won’t have to do it alone cause we are going to get Buck back and then all three of us will go tell him,” Steve said rubbing your back.

Everyone went back inside to prepare to bring everyone back. Thor really wanted to be the one to snap everyone back but it was decided that Bruce would do it. In his works, “its mostly gamma radiation. I was made to do this.” He put the gauntlet on and snapped his fingers. The power of the stones sort of burned his arms and you ripped the gauntlet off of him while Tony tried to help with the burns.

You couldn’t really tell that it worked but you heard birds. Lots of them. Then a phone started to ring and by the look on Clint’s face you were guessing it was his wife calling and so it worked. You looked at Steve and were about to tell him it worked when the whole compound blew up. The force knocked you out a bit and you woke up later next to Clint. You saw the gauntlet laying a couple feet away so you grabbed it cause there was no was a friend blew you up.

And you were right it turned out to be Thanos from 2014 because the nebula that came back want your nice nebula. You were trying to get out from all the rubble when you heard Steves painful groans. Of course Steve was facing the titan by himself. Once you could breath fresh air you looked out at the wasteland that was once the compound. You saw Steve get up and take a stand against Thanos alone. You were about to run to his side when you heard a faint voice on the comms.

“On your left,” you heard Sam say.

You never thought hearing Sam Wilson’s voice you make you cry but it did. Because if he was back so was Bucky. All around golden circles of sparks emerged and dozens of people stepped out. You made your way to take a stand against Thanos and out the corner of your eye you saw him. You fought the urge to run to him and never let him go. That could wait.

Thanos’s creepy alien army charged at us and we charged at them. You killed a bunch of the dog thingy and eventually found yourself next to Bucky. During a small window of peace you turned to him and jumped in his arms.

“Hey doll,” he said holding you tight.

“God I missed you Buck,” you cried.

“Sorry I was gone so long,” he replied pushing you back and pressing his lips firmly against yours. “You look gorgeous by the way.”

“There is something I really need to tell you Bucky.”

He pulled you close to him and then shot at some aliens behind you. “We are kinda in the middle of a war here doll. Tell me after we win.” He ran off to kill more aliens and you did the same. You were taking a hit but over the comms you heard a plan. To get the stones back before Thanos could use them again. So during the fight there was a game of Hot potato that was being played with the gauntlet. It work for a while but eventually Thanos got the stone. It happened so quickly. He was about to snap his fingers when Tony jumped on him. Thanos threw in aside then snapped his fingers. You closed your eyes to prepare for another loss but nothing happened. Then you looked over at Tony and saw that he had the stones. He snapped his finger and Thanos and the other aliens turned to dust.

You ran over to bucky and jumped in his arms again to celebrate the win but stopped when you noticed that Tony wasn’t getting up. Pepper and Peter when over to him. It didn’t look good. You noticed pepper crying and you knew that he didn’t make it. Everyone took a knee to honor him. The Steve, Thor, and Dr. Strange walked over and helped cover his body and retrieve the stones.  You cried into Bucky’s then thought of James. Once Tony’s body was covered and the stones were safely put in a briefcase. You let go on Bucky and ran to Steve.

“James,” you cried.

Pepper walked over to you and you gave her a hug. She told you how Happy was with the kids. You felt bad for only thinking of James while your friend just died. Pepper looked at you and shook her head like she knew what you were thinking.

“Lets go,” Pepper said and you walked over to strange and asked him to do his portal to the cabin.

Bucky was right behind you completely confused on what you were doing. You looked at him and just smiled as you grabbed Steves hand then his and walked the the portal after Pepper. She ran inside but the three of you stayed outside.

“Bucky that thing I wanted to tell you,” you told him.

“I get it doll. Five years is a long time and you didn’t think I would come back,” he said looking at how you were still holding Steve’s hand.

You followed to where he was looking and stepped away from Steve. “No its not that,” you started to explain but were interpreted by James running out of the Cabin.

“Mommy,” he cried running to you. “Uncle Tony.”

“I know,” you dropped to your knees and hugged him.

You didn’t let go til he look over at Steve and he ran out of your arms into his. “Your okay,” James cried.

“Yes buddy. Just a little come cuts but I will be okay,” Steve replied.

You got up and looked over at Bucky was you could tell what he was thinking by the look in his eye. You went to go tell him he was wrong but heard James from behind you.

“You did it. Thats him right,” you son said wiping his tears away.

“Yea. Thats him,” Steve informed him.

James walked over to Bucky and just looked up at him. Bucky knelt down to meet the boy who he thought was yours and Steve’s kid.

“Hey,” Bucky said.

“Hi,” James replied looking at Buck’s face. “You’re taller than I imagined.”

“Yea,” Buck laughed. “Whats your name?”

“James Buchanan Barnes Jr. and this is Sarge,” James said showing Bucky his teddy.

Bucky looked at James then at you. “I thought…”

“You well you were never the sharpest tool,” you cut him off.

“Im glad I get to meet you dad,” James said wrapping his arms around Bucky.

“Me too.”

~time skip~

It has been a couple weeks since Tony and Nat’s funeral and James was taking Nat’s death better than you expected. You were pretty sure he was to busy getting to know Bucky to let her death get to him and you weren’t complaining.

“What happened to your arm. Mommy and uncle Te never told me that story,” James said poking Bucky’s metal arm.

“I lost it when I fell off a train,” Bucky explained.

“That was back in World War 2. How are you still alive? Did you crash a plane into water like uncle te?”

“No but I was frozen like him for a while.”

“When you were getting hurt by hydra.”

“Yes but now I'm all better.”

“Cool will you feel it if I punch your metal arm?”

“No.”

“Awesome. I want a metal arm.”

“Maybe for Christmas,” you replied laughing.

Steve came into the living room from the kitchen with drinks. James yelled something about doing something important and ran out of the room. The three of you sat in the living room and caught up. You told Bucky everything about James and Steve told y’all about his trip to return the stones. James came back into the living room ten minutes later with a huge smile on his face.

“What did you do,” you asked him.

“Nothing,” he replied.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other and just laughed. They mentioned how much James was like Bucky when he was a kid.

“Mommy can i’m hungry,” James told you as he sat next to Bucky.

You got up to go make his something to eat when you noticed black paint on the floor. You looked over at James and saw that his left hand was black with gold lines.

“James what did you do? And please tell me it comes off,” you asked.

James got up and took off his jacket to reveal that he painted his left arm black and gold to match Bucky’s

“Now I really match daddy, see. Same name and same arm,” he replied showing off the slightly wet arm.

You opened you mouth to yell about how there is paint on your floors and probably on the stairs too and how he ruined his clothes and possible the couch with the paint but just closed your mouth and shook your head.

“Now that you are back this is your problem,” you said walking into the kitchen to feet Bucky Jr.

“Did I do something wrong,” James asked looked between Bucky and Steve.

“No buddy, you just made a mess with the paint,” Bucky said pointing to the black paint on the floor.

“Oops,” He replied.

After eating and cleaning the paint, life started to normal. Steve staying til he found an apartment close by which James couldn’t understand why he was leaving. After Steve told him that he could come over and have guy night he decided that Steve could move out. And with Bucky back James basically pushed you aside and preferred his dad. Everything Bucky did James did. Everything Bucky ate James ate, even vegetables.

“James, I have been trying to get you to eat your vegetables for ever and now that your dad is here you love vegetables,” you asked when you saw him finish his carrots.

“No vegetables are gross but I want to be just like daddy and daddy eats vegetables,” he replied making a face over how gross he thought carrots where.

After he got in trouble for painting his arm James decided to do the next best thing and waste all the foil in the house to wrap is arm. You even caught his pretending to be Bucky while he was playing in the back yard.

“What,” Bucky said wrapping his arms around you are you watched James play.

“Red Skull I am the winter soldier and I am here to put an end to you and the rest of hydra,” James said pointing his toy gun and sarge who was wearing a red hat.

“He idolizes you,” you said resting your head against Buck’s shoulder.

“Jealous,” he asked kissing your neck.

“No just annoyed that he is a mini you.”

“Daddy come play,” James called.

Bucky walked outside and pulled you with him. James explain how Bucky would be on his team.

“We are stopping Sarge, he’s the red skull. And im you so you can be… Uncle Te.”

“What about me,” Steve asked waking into the back yard.

“You can be a bad guy with mommy cause she needs a partner,” James said placing Sarge’s red hat on you.

“Why am I the red skull,” you asked slightly offended.

“Cause you get mad a lot and look like him,” James stated like it was a known fact.

Bucky and Steve started laughing while you took the hat off and changed James around to get back at him.

“Daddy, mommy is crazy help me,” James yelled at the top of his lungs which caused Bucky and Steve to laugh more.

Bucky was too busy laughing so James stopped running and took of his jacket to reveal his foil arm and held it out.

“I am Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th infantry of the US army and I order you to stop chasing me,” he said and crossed his arms.

You stopped and just took in your son’s appearance. “Mommy you look really pretty,” James said with the same smirk Bucky gives you when he is trying to apologize or get himself out of trouble. Yea James was defiantly Bucky Jr.

[demi-chaos]

since the author of this fic has comments turned off, im turning to tumblr to sing my praises.

(if they somehow see this and want me to take it down i gladly will)

Falling For You by 1967HogwartsGoddess on AO3 is a fic that humbled me.

i should start by saying that i was ignorant. I saw the name of the fic and it's summary along with a couple of tags and i jumped right it. "it shouldn't take me too long to read" i assumed.

i was wrong

this beast of a fanfic was 69 chapter, clocking in at ~270k words total. i didn't check the word count, and while i wish i did, i dont regret not having done so. It took me 6 hours to read, i stayed up until 9am to read it all, and i clung to every word.

i loved so much about it right from the start. for one, it felt like the author had taken the original books' style and mastered it. i loved the fact that they bothered to switch povs in the same way the hoO books do, it felt very natural and ended up making the world feel more real than if they had just stuck to percy's perspective only. i also love the little quips here or there, the references, the scene building, the attitude reminded me so much of why i loved pjo in the first place. im impressed, shocked, amazed and in awe of them.

this fic is heavy. really heavy. like smash your character into a cliffside and watch them struggle to survive type of heavy and i absolutely love it. i couldn't get enough. like percy, everytime i thought something was over, that it was getting better, i was smacked in the face with yet another event. i loved every second of it. everything. every little torture scene, every battle, every step back and step forward he took, i treasured. i especially loved how hopeless it got. there were many moments when i thought "yea this is how the story ends. bye percy" but i was a fool. he kept on trucking, struggling, and surviving. and ahhh! i loved it.

also? can i just say? part that i thought would have been the ending that just turned out to be mid-fic when percy came back from tartarus and found out that annabeth was dead? every scene from threatening the hell hound to keep the button pressed to him punching his dad to cursing out hades was amazing. my heart didn't beat once as i just thought "oh shit oh fuck oh shit oh fuck" and???

HAVING HIM GO BACK THERE??? AGAIN??? RIGHT AFTER HE'D BARELY LEFT? A GENIUS! i almost screamed when hades told him to go down again. that entire moment felt heart stopping honestly! and then the torture, the struggle, the constant failure time after time. the hallucinations. it was just so !!!!!!!!!!! and when he thought he got out but it was just another fucked up layer of torture? oh goodness

the emotional fuckery in this fic is delicious. i felt bad for everyone in the most delectable way. obviously for percy and annabeth, but also for every single party involved. i felt bad for the campers who couldn't save annabeth from dying, for those who love percy who had to witness him go mad and almost turn on them in the final battle. i felt soooo baaaad i loved it so much.

oh shit i didn't even mention the curse! one of the best long term callbacks ive read in a long time!! having it be in part nico's fault was the cherry on top.

i can't even begin to think about how long this took to plan, write, edit and edit again. for such a long fic, i didn't come across a single grammatical error, continuity error or spelling mistake. while yes, coming across these kinds of things isnt world ending, but the fact that this fic had none? blew my mind away. ive written 2k word chapters that are so riddled with mistakes i had to delete the whole thing and try again, so having it be so clean was fantastic. i was impressed! my socks were blown off and my head exploded.

real quick, the reason im posting it here not on the fic where i wish it were, its because of shitty people doing shitty things. i hope the person who fucked with the author's works and privacy goes to hell. that shit sucks and no one deserves it

overall, this is one amazing fic that i am really happy to have read. i love reading these types of fanfics where it feels like another chapter or alternate version to the original, and im always blown away by it.

author, thank you so much for your probably hundreds or thousands of hours of work on this. im really happy to have witnessed such a thing <3

[cappymightwrite]

What are your thoughts on Ned Stark ?

Hi!

I have conflicted feelings on Ned. Probably just below Stannis, he's the Westerosi man most in need of therapy, in my opinion. Actually, that's an interesting comparison — Ned and Stannis, which I know has been commented on before. They're alike in many ways, in terms of reserve etc., which makes the fact that Robert saw Ned as his true brother all the more painful to Stannis (though of course this is never explicitly stated). But anyway, back to Ned.

There's certain things I struggle with in regards to Ned, even though I understand the reasoning behind his actions, or rather, inaction. So, it makes thinking back on him in a wholly positive and fond light somewhat difficult, as I suppose it must be for Sansa in a way, as well as for Jon, once his parentage is revealed. I don't wholly dislike him though, I actually value him a lot, I just take issue with:

Him never apparently trusting Catelyn enough to be honest about Jon's parentage (+ the way he avoids telling Jon, to some extent)

No matter how loving they were... there is this unresolved (and now forever unresolved) barrier at the heart of their relationship, an unequal exchange of trust, which was within Ned's power to lift, to make fully mutual. But he didn't. Now, he had his reasons, self-sacrificing and seemingly honourable as they may appear, and certainly the narrative required this secret to be kept. But even so, in terms of how I regard his character? It rubs me the wrong way because he never gave her the opportunity to sympathise and fully understand him, he cut himself off from that. And yeah, maybe it might not have improved Jon's situation all that much, but he never gave Cat the opportunity to think of him differently, in a way that wasn't dictated by the social mores of their world:

It had taken her a fortnight to marshal her courage, but finally, in bed one night, Catelyn had asked her husband the truth of it, asked him to his face.

That was the only time in all their years that Ned had ever frightened her. "Never ask me about Jon," he said, cold as ice. "He is my blood, and that is all you need to know. And now I will learn where you heard that name, my lady." She had pledged to obey; she told him; and from that day on, the whispering had stopped, and Ashara Dayne's name was never heard in Winterfell again.

Whoever Jon's mother had been, Ned must have loved her fiercely, for nothing Catelyn said would persuade him to send the boy away. It was the one thing she could never forgive him. She had come to love her husband with all her heart, but she had never found it in her to love Jon. She might have overlooked a dozen bastards for Ned's sake, so long as they were out of sight. Jon was never out of sight, and as he grew, he looked more like Ned than any of the trueborn sons she bore him. Somehow that made it worse. – AGOT, Catelyn II

"It was the one thing she could never forgive him" — yeah, me too honey! Ok, sure, we don't know for sure if Cat might have "overlooked" Jon's uneasy place in their household "for Ned's sake", if she knew he was actually her nephew — the world would still believe him to be Ned's, so to outward appearances the awkwardness is still there. And yeah, we don't know if she could have "found it in her to love Jon", but the truth certainly would have made it far more likely! But Ned decided that it had to be this way, that only he could participate in carrying this secret. So, I hurt for Cat AND Jon really.

I get why he doesn't tell Jon the truth. I understand his warped logic, how the trauma of his past informs this sort of self-punishing mentality of I must keep this honourable promise made of love till the day I die even though to the outside world it will appear as a stain upon that very honour... and to punish myself further for failing Lyanna I will never unburden myself to anyone, this is my cross to bear alone. I understand that, it's very manpain-y. But the problem is... it doesn't just punish Ned, it punishes Cat and Jon, and his other children too! Because they are by no means blind to this elephant in the room of their parent's marriage, and it's hard to rationalise:

He looked at her uncomfortably. "My aunt Allyria says Lady Ashara and your father fell in love at Harrenhal—"

"That's not so. He loved my lady mother." – ASOS, Arya VIII

Your father loved your mother, but he also had a child with another woman, whose identity he would never talk about. Your father loved your mother, but his dedication to this secret ultimately trumped being fully honest and open with her. It's hard not to feel that Ned's present came second to making up for the "sins" of his past. This is why he desperately needed therapy, lol, because (to take a line from my Byronic Hero meta) Ned's "traumatic past informs his present life," and to the detriment of that present life and those present relationships as well. But hey, that's the tragedy.

Also, I think his whole I'll tell you the truth when I next see you to Jon is really sketchy, because when exactly might that be, Ned? An avoidance tactic if I ever saw one. But really, I don't think he'd be emotionally equipped to have that conversation anyway... he might have said he'd tell him someday, but deep down, I'm sure he hoped he may never have to. And then he conveniently dies, taking the secret with him (or so we think)!

Allowing the death of Lady

Bran's wolf had saved the boy's life, he thought dully. What was it that Jon had said when they found the pups in the snow? Your children were meant to have these pups, my lord. And he had killed Sansa's, and for what? Was it guilt he was feeling? Or fear? If the gods had sent these wolves, what folly had he done? – AGOT, Eddard IV

"And for what?" Yes, quite. I don't really have much to say on this... I think this passage speaks for itself. There's probably some other things I could talk about, but those are my main two gripes.

That being said... what I value about Ned are his words of wisdom

The thing about Ned, for me, is that despite the unmaliciously meant pain he inflicts on his loved ones (which I do understand the reasoning behind, the trauma that informs it etc)... he's still ultimately a figure of hope to me, a notably flawed, but no less significant, ideal within the narrative too. And I think you need that — we need the memory of Ned as readers, and so do the Starklings. So, I love him more for what he represents, rather than his parenting and lacklustre husbanding skills. I value the fundamental truths he emphasises through his words, and the legacy of those words, embodied within his children.

For example:

"Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. Summer is the time for squabbles. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths. So if you must hate, Arya, hate those who would truly do us harm. Septa Mordane is a good woman, and Sansa… Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you… and I need both of you, gods help me." – AGOT, Arya II

Honestly, people can "squabble" about which Stark sibling is more important, more this, more that, till the cows come home. But that's what it is... "squabbles", and it misses the mark completely about why the Starks are the heart of the series. They are the Starks, plural. They may be different from one another, but they are "pack", and come winter, (TWOW, to be exact), once reunited they will "protect one another, keep each other warm, share [their] strengths", because those are the values Ned taught them.

These are the things to remember, despite all the hellishness. This is why Ned's death wasn't in vain, it wasn't an edgy twist, or the first whiff of grimdark... because his legacy didn't end with him, it lives on, it is felt throughout the series, right up until the most recent book:

"Be that as it may. My father sat where I sit now when Lord Eddard came to Sisterton. Our maester urged us to send Stark's head to Aerys, to prove our loyalty. It would have meant a rich reward. The Mad King was open-handed with them as pleased him. By then we knew that Jon Arryn had taken Gulltown, though. Robert was the first man to gain the wall, and slew Marq Grafton with his own hand. 'This Baratheon is fearless,' I said. 'He fights the way a king should fight.' Our maester chuckled at me and told us that Prince Rhaegar was certain to defeat this rebel. That was when Stark said, 'In this world only winter is certain. We may lose our heads, it's true… but what if we prevail?' My father sent him on his way with his head still on his shoulders. 'If you lose,' he told Lord Eddard, 'you were never here.'" – ADWD, Davos I

I love this line so much, and I love that it comes from Ned, that just as we are gearing up to head into the darkest parts of the series (because Winds is apparently going to be very dark)... we have this light, this hope, this "what if we prevail?" And it's connected to this repeated refrain about the certainty of winter — "in this world only winter is certain" vs. "winter is coming" — which is closely tied to Ned as a character. So, yes, "winter is coming", but don't be decieved into thinking that that spells disaster, that no warmth can be found, for there is always darkness before the dawn, just as there is always a winter before the spring... and in the winter the wolves shall "keep each other warm", they will "prevail."

In conclusion

Whatever his flaws and mistakes, and there are several, at the end of the day... I will love Ned for giving us hope, for reminding the readers, and characters, of what is really important — to take strength from your loved ones, to give them strength in return, and to not give into despair, no matter how harshly the snows might fall and white winds blow. Yes, it's not certain whether they'll live, but likewise, it's not certain whether they'll die either... and that's where you find the hope, the light against the grim dark.

So, for me, he's a character who makes my heart sink, but then he makes it swell again. That's the duality, and it's a choice which you put most stock in... I'll choose the hope he inspires every time ;)

[high-supernatural]

The Merge

Kai Parker x Female Reader/Character

Word Count: 1687

Warnings: typical tvd themes, the merge (not fluff, not smut, there’s a sentence of angst but its not much, mostly just toxic friendship)

Summary: “V” took Kai out of his prison world with a condition that they’d stick together. She helps him find his family and prepare for the merge. ((read part I – IV of the series to understand the backstories))

***since y’all like the one shots better than the series, I’m gonna write one shots for female readers under the name V for what I would’ve/will write in the series***

-

V and Kai have been out of the prison world for a few weeks. She got him out under the conditions that they would stick together no matter what, and that’s what she was doing, sticking by him.

Kai explained his plans to V when they got there and put together a plan. She knew his true motives, and she wanted to help.

While they prepared, trained, and got everything ready they stayed at motels but were mostly busy with the plan and didn’t see each other very often. The motel they were staying at only had one bed. They checked in in the middle of the night when they got back, “queen room fine?” asked the clerk, “absolutely,” Kai responded in his dramatically sarcastic tone.

“Hope sleeping in the same bed as me doesn’t scare you off… I’m a violent sleeper,” he joked with big eyes.

“Better than sleeping in vamp infested woods with a violent sleeper… I think I’ll be fine,” V responded with the same dramatics.

There were a few nights Kai had woken up in the middle of the night or before V and had intrusive thoughts come into his mind of killing her, not that he really wanted to. When he woke up one morning with his hand resting on her throat, he decided to sleep on the couch instead. He might have been a proclaimed sociopath, but he had morals for killing, and killing people who help him weren’t on that list. It scared him, but he ignored it.

V had the gift of seeing behind people and what they say their motives are, which is part of the reason Kai didn’t scare her. She knew why he started sleeping on the couch but didn’t bother to tell him she knew, just like she knew where he went during the day to antagonize his family, but still didn’t bother to confront him about it. She already knew why and what he was doing.

She liked pushing boundaries with him. To see how far he’d really go or what he’d do if she didn’t act scared or flinch even an inch at the things, he’d say to get a rise out of her. She liked seeing how he’d react to her affections, knowing he hadn’t experienced much of it.

When he started sleeping on the couch, she would sometimes join him, walking over to him with a blanket around her shoulders and laying on top of or next to him under the blanket. She liked how he’d tense up until he fell back asleep, nervous to put his arms around her. Sometimes she’d tell him she had a bad dream and say, “this is the part you put your arms around me,” when he wouldn’t.

They were best friends who loved pushing each other’s buttons.

V found his twin for him and told him where she worked, she found this out through gullible Elena. She didn’t question him about his whereabouts when he found out either, she knew this too.

They made another deal with each other when they started playing out their plan – if either of them was going to be out, they have to tell the other how many hours they’d be gone before the other should start worrying, and the general location they’d be, just in case anything went wrong. They didn’t have to explain what they were doing, they actually preferred if the other didn’t know, it worked perfectly.

When Kai disappeared for longer than he said he’d be gone, V knew to worry. She went to the cemetery he said he’d be around and saw Damon, the person who sent her to the prison world before her and Kai got out.

She hid behind a tree just enough so Kai could see her, but Damon couldn’t. Through the Earth, V sent Kai some of her magic to siphon, just enough so he could siphon the magic out of Mystic Falls that the travelers put there and free himself.

“How do you feel?” V asked Kai when they got back to the motel.

“I feel…. Really good,” he responded, “I soaked up a lot of magic,” he chuckled.

“Do you know how to use it?” She asked, “I can’t even imagine how much magic was in that spell.”

Kai jittered and sat down, “I uh… I should probably practice, you know? Make sure I can control it.”

“Let’s practice then,” V said.

He looked up at her when she said, “push me with your magic.”

“I don’t know if I can control it—” she cut him off, “I can handle it, I can’t die, remember?”

“Remember we can’t hurt each other though, that’s the pact,” he said. Kai was a lot of things, but deal breaking wasn’t usually one of them.

She stood in front of him and pushed his head playfully before getting on his lap with both legs on either side of his, “we said no fighting, this isn’t fighting, it’s practicing.” She pushed his shoulders back and pinched his face to annoy him, “come on, do something to get me off of you,” she played.

He grabbed her arms, “I can’t practice on you,” he spoke to her with an almost serious tone for the first time.

She grabbed his biceps and shocked him with her magic before sending burning waves up his arms, making his face turn in pain.

“Fight back,” she said, “or I’ll go hotter.”

Kai squeezed her biceps as she squeezed his and tried sending the magic she was using on him back to her, but it didn’t work.

“Try harder,” she said.

“I can’t—”

“Yes, you can, you have to focus,” she sent warmer magic through his arms and down his chest making him groan. “Make me stop at least once, you’re not gonna hurt me, you got this, focus on sending me the pain.”

With that encouragement Kai was successful not only in sending the magic she was using back to her, but sending it back more intensely, causing a sensation of being on fire for a couple of seconds.

When he heard her wince and felt her arms go limp, he knew it worked and quickly pushed her off of him to stand up, not knowing if he could stop if they were still touching.

She let out a “whoof” breath and chuckled, “you did it,” she looked at him, “why the long face?”

He stared at her like he just killed a puppy, “I need someone else to practice on.”

“Kai, it worked, what’s the problem?” she asked.

“I just need someone else to practice on, I’ll be back tonight,”

“Wait, I think I know who you can use,” she said, stopping him from rushing out and finding a random person.

“Elena Gilbert. She’s always pissed me off. When I found out vampires were in town she acted like I was crazy, now she is one. She never treated me how she treats everyone else, she’s still hung up on the fact that her brother confided in me instead of her,” V said, “everyone’s always saving her and letting others die for her own life. I think she could be put in her place a little better.”

Kai was always confused about why V was so helpful to him, another thing that scared him a little. It was unusual to him.

He practiced his magic on Elena at the high school after he left while V did her own thing, which usually included writing, drawing, or causing some chaos, until she got a call from Elena.

‘great,’ she rolled her eyes before she answered the phone.

“What?” she answered harshly.

“Kai just tortured me for hours,” Elena whined.

“Ok? How is that my problem?” V answered, knowing that all of them still didn’t know she had been with Kai this whole time.

“He’s on his way to the woods to complete the merge!” Elene blurted out.

“What,” she said with concern this time, “I’m on my way,” V left and went to try and stop Kai from doing the merge so soon.

She called him multiple times on her way, but he didn’t answer. When she had got there, Kai and Luke’s eyes were already white, and they were about to complete the merge.

Just when she was about to run up and stop them, they both fell back, and everybody stood like statues until Jo ran to help Luke.

V watched them both with wide eyes, looking for psychic signs that one of them has died or merged, but saw nothing.

After a few seconds of watching, she walked up to Kai. Everybody was watching Luke at this point, so V knelt down and put her hand on his chest, feeling for magic but felt none.

She teared up and tried blinking them away, shaking him by his shirt and saying his name before pressing her hand on his chest to transfer magic to him, waking him up.

His eyes darted open and he grabbed her wrist, sitting up silently. Nobody had noticed him yet. V sat behind him with her hand still on his chest when he turned around, “thanks, kid,” he whispered before he stood up.

Kai said some words to Jo before turning around and offering his hand to V before they walked off. They heard them ask, “did they just leave together,” but ignored it.

V drove them back to the motel and glanced at Kai every so often with worried expressions as he sat silently and wondered at his hands, “how do you feel now?” she asked.

“I feel good.. I feel.. different, I don’t know how to describe it,” he said in breaths.

“That’s good, I think,” V said still confused and paused for a few seconds to think, “we should get out of town, like, tonight, they’re going to look for us,”

“Don’t worry, I got it covered,” is all Kai said.

She looked over at him with a worried face again, “no really, we need to get out of town,” she was serious.

“I dunno, I kinda like it here,” he smiled ominously.

 ((read the next story for continuation of this one))

[botheredbuck]

hi i love your writing, could you talk about trans!callum pls that bc owns my entire heart.

y'all really know how to make me ramble huh

(of course!! honestly trans cal owns my heart too. and thank you im so glad you like my writing!!)

okay so i can't remember if ive talked about this before but i actually have this hc that callum went into the army in the closet. like when he enlisted he signed up as a 'woman' even though he knew he wasnt (he didn't like,,, know he was trans yet i think because he didn't have the terminology for it growing up around his family but he knew he wasnt 'like other girls' so to speak) because at that point enlisting was just about getting away from his dad, and running away from the problems he had at home. and then he meets chris in the army and like, chris figures him out pretty quickly and like asks callum about it except he freaks out. but like him and chris get talking and they get really close, and chris starts to kinda talk to cal about queer stuff and like casually slips in about trans people and instantly callum is just like - that's right. that's - that's what i think i might be. and so like they go from there and callum is just 'h' to chris (because he hasn't picked out a name he liked yet) and when it's just them callum's 'he' and all that. and like that's why chris only calls callum 'h' in his letters to his sister because he doesn't want to disrespect callum by saying his deadname but he doesnt have another name so he's just 'h'

and then when callum leaves the army it's his fresh start. its his new life and he's headed to walford and he's callum

oh and mick first finding out though!! so obviously when they first meet it's kinda under,,, unfortunate circumstances so callum is very much just halfway but they kinda get to know each other again and mick's noticed he's been acting weird and stuff so he sits him down and kinda asks callum how he's been, how life's been and stuff as a kind of casual way of asking about things. and then he refers to callum with his deadname and callum just says actually, that's not me any more. and like its an accident when he first says it and he freaks out because the carters and the vic is about the only safe place he has left and he thinks he's ruined it and he tries to leave but mick just makes him sit down, makes him a hot chocolate and asks him to explain because i ain't no whipper snapper any more, kid, i got an old brain, you gotta spell things out for me and like callum very almost doesn't, like tries to shrug it off but mick just lays a hand on his arm and smiles and it feels like home and if callum cant be himself here then where can he?

so he tells mick about all these feelings he's got, about this bloke he met in the army who told him all these things that he thinks might explain a lot and mick's just quiet and let's callum ramble and when he's done he just stands up and pulls callum into a hug and just says in his ear you know I'll always love you, son and callum cries, and mick freaks out because he thinks he's done something wrong and callum's just like happy tears, happy tears

wow uh im a little emotional after that one oops

ooh and also another thing like,,, ben finding out!! idk if ive talked about this before but like bear with me okay. so in my head with trans cal their first kind of,,, being together so to speak goes a little differently so ben doesn't actually know that callum's trans until like after they get together

and callum's completely freaked out about being intimate. because we all know ben's got a bit of a reputation right, when it comes to partners and stuff. and callum's freaking out because he has no idea whether ben's ever been with a trans guy before and like, not even just intimately like just in general, because it sucks but there's a lot that comes with being trans and being trans in a romantic relationship.

so cal doesn't actually tell him for like a while until they start talking about being intimate and they're kissing and callum just like blurts it out and then freaks out and just runs away.

and like he ends up hiding at the park bench for ages bc he just can't face ben because hes convinced himself that the second ben found out he was always gonna run. and like callum's got all these feelings for him already that he doesn't wanna say but he just can't bear to lose him yet so he's just sat on their bench freaking out until ben comes and finds him and just sits next to him and they're both just quiet for a bit until ben says i thought id find you here. think we kinda claimed this bench, didn't we? and callum just like smiles a little and then ben says you know it doesn't bother me, right? i like you because you're kind, and because you're handsome, and because somehow you have the willpower to put up with my bullshit and callum just looks at him and asks how can it not bother you? you're gay and ben says yeah i am. and youre a man. and im a man. think that's pretty gay, dont you? and callum just laughs because he can't help it and then he apologises for running off and they talk and ben just holds him and aw its cute!!

but yeah ill leave it there but thank u so much for the ask!!

ask me about my hcs!!

[schnitzelbutterfingers]

The Forgotten One (Ethan Ramsey x F!MC)- CHAPTER 3

a/n: first, i wanna wish everyone a happy thanksgiving from my family to yours! please take the time to thank everyone you are so grateful to have in your life, especially god, for letting us live and for all the blessings he gives us. do not take anyone for granted.

next, so sorry for the holdup!! finally, chapter 3 is here! we’ll see what abby feels about the attack, her and ethan conversing, and a surprise ending. read, like, and let me know your reviews! forgive me if there are any spelling mistakes or grammar errors. let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist and as always, enjoy (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

summary:  Louise Ramsey, the mother of the famous, brilliant diagnostician Ethan Ramsey, is back into his life. However, Louise holds many secrets, dangerous secrets, that could harm him, Dr. Abigail ‘Abby’ Chacko (my MC), and the very few lives he actually cares about. It is up to Ethan, Abby, and their friends to save each other from what is about to come.

pairing(s): dr. ethan ramsey x f!mc (dr. abigail ‘abby’ chacko) || dr. sebastian chacko x dolores hudson (YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT)

warning(s): angst, and then it’s pure fluff, and then a surprise ending (you’re gonna die die dieeee :)))

word count: 4289

catch up here :)

______________________________________________________________

Abby’s POV

When she wakes up it is with a headache, a throat ache and side pain. When she looks more closely at her nose, she sees an oxygen tube through them. When she looks more closely at her surroundings, she realizes she is in a hospital bed.

Lying down. Wearing a sky blue hospital gown. With an IV through her accessory cephalic vein. 

Jumping Jehoshaphat, what happened this time?

Abby spent many times in the hospital during her childhood. Most of them were due to the number of cuts and bruises she got from her father, in which some of them were very serious injuries. One time she was admitted to the hospital because...

No, Abby. Don’t relive through that phase. It’ll wound you more.

There are many types of pain. Many of her pains were physical, but some of her pains were emotional. By far, she can tell the emotional pain is the hardest to get over with.

Sure, she has been cut with a knife, raped by many of her father’s friends, and whipped with a belt. To her it was normal, and she had gotten used to it. To others, the pain is insufferable. 

Heartbreak hurts. Too much. It can rip people from the inside out, and change them. For better or worse.

Her father caused her many heartbreaks. In return, she studies, skipped five grades, graduated from high school when she was 13, and graduated from Hopkins when she was 21. Some might say she took it too far, but she knows it was just what she needed.

What she needed to prove to her father that pain doesn’t break her. 

What she needed to prove to her horrid patients that she is not dumb.

What she needed to prove to the whole world that she is not as young and innocent as everyone thinks she is.

Death, betrayal, and pain were her three companions, with some delectation in between. She cherished those jocund moments.

And she thanked God. Seb. Jazmin. Ethan. Herself. For all the hard work. 

But what happened right now? Why is she in this bed? 

It feels as if she has fallen into a cactus, her heart being punctured by tiny pins and needles. It’s starting at the bottom of her stomach, and it’s slowly growing. 

The anxiety.

The depression.

It feels like some kind of vaccination, where the shot doesn’t really hurt but the aftermath feels disastrous, cataclysmic. It’s leaving her breathless, as if she is running away from a ghost from her past. It is leaving a certain kind of exhaustion on her.

It’s heartbreak. But why? Why does she feel heartbreak? What could have possibly gone wrong-

Everything. Everything is going wrong. Bingo. She knows what is happening. But she can’t even speak the name out loud. It’s petrifying her. Really well.

 Louise Ramsey. 

Ethan’s mother who claimed to come for him and Alan.

Louise Ramsey.

The one who tricked them, including her.

Louise Ramsey. 

The one who stabbed her. The one who she trusted. 

The one who she believed had a change of heart didn’t have a change of heart at all.

She fooled everyone. She’s a liar. She is manipulative. She is every dark sin written across this universe. She is the next generation of Sat-

Wait. Wait a long moment.

Oh no. Oh no no no no no.

How is Abby supposed to tell this to Ethan of all people? How is she supposed to let him know his own mother tried to harm her? 

But she had to.

Moisture is falling from the tip of her index finger, even if the bed sheets feel cool. Sweat is dripping from her forehead, even if the hospital room is air conditioned. An imaginary shock travels through her body. The sharpness of the pain is unequivocal and indisputable that it sends shockwaves through her bloodstream. If it wasn’t for the bed, she would have crumpled to the floor.

She is currently holding the bed frame with a white-knuckled grip.

The young doctor scratched her arm nervously, mindful of the IV, as she let that horrifying memory fly through her.

Louise stabs her in the side, blood spilling to Abby’s legs and on the floor. She couldn’t say anything, words failing to come our of her mouth, every second making it harder to breather. She starts to lose consciousness, hearing the sounds of the patients in the room screaming for security.

Louise whispers into her ear, “The game has begun.” 

The last thing she sees is Louise running towards the exit and nurses coming towards Abby, before her world evades into darkness. 

That’s what happened. That’s why she’s in the hospital bed, feeling like crap.

That’s why she feels heartbreak, of all the emotions she can feel. She has heard of brother cheating on brother and father cheating on his wife. But a mother disowning her own husband and son, but then comes back only for her to clown them? 

That goes all the way back to Rebekah and Jacob in the Old Testament of the Bible, if you ask me.

She is back to the question on how she is supposed to tell Ethan. 

Does he know? If he knows, how does he feel? Does he feel depressed?

She sure hopes not.

When something happens to Abby, he always blamed on himself. Whether it was his fault or not. She reminisces on when Ethan apologized and was filled guilt when he found out about the trial.

Or when he came back from the Amazon. He didn’t really apologize for that, but the regret and remorse lurking beneath his eyes was the only thing she needed to know. To know that he was feeling guilt. Dismay. Lamentation.

Or when he opened up his bottled-up feelings concerning his mother. He said that he wasn’t planning on ‘dragging’ her into his mess. 

Or when she was in that decontamination room. She remembers his words clearly, words that were etched into her heart.

I wished I hadn’t asked you to stay away.

Or now.

If he knows. 

She knows what will happen if Ethan blames himself for this. He will be a different person. He will start becoming cold-hearted to people he cares about. He will push her away. Again.

Because he tends to believe that it is all his fault that accidents happen to the people he cherishes the most. He thinks that he is a curse. A malediction. An imprecation. She remembers the night when they connected for the first time. What he said.

This is The Ethan Ramsey. The man who can save anyone except the people he gives a damn about. Not Dolores. Not Naveen. And not you.

She was torn by what he said. Not because he said he couldn’t save her, but because he couldn’t love himself. 

The young doctor hopes he already knows what happened. Who stabbed her. She couldn’t even bear the thought of seeing his face crumble. The man who was stoic. The man who every one recognized as an imbecile. The man who every single doctor is head-over-heels in love with.

Ethan told her to tell him everything. Everything that makes her angry. Everything that makes her sad. Everything that makes her happy. 

If he doesn’t know what happened, she will tell him. She promised him that.

*Flashback*

It's normal for Abby to have a panic attack. Keeping her inhaler with her was vital for her to go through the day. Especially this week.

It’s been one week after the incident. That incident. That incident that took two innocent lives. Danny and Bobby. It’s all her fault. 

If Danny was alive, him and Sienna would’ve been a couple, loving each other. Now, she sees a Sienna whose eyes are haunted. Grave. Not filled with any giddy or joy. She doesn’t see her smile anymore, the once blushed cheeks with her beautiful grin that shows off her dimples, gone. Lost. Thrown away.

If Bobby was alive, he could’ve bought his daughter the new car. It was what he always wanted to do. Instead of enjoying his time with his daughter in her brand new car, he’s under the cold earth. 

Rafael is now going under therapy, but he also feels less confident from Rafael the paramedic. She misses the way he smiles. He does smile now, but there is no joy beneath his eyes.

And for Abby, she is not okay. She wishes she died. But she knows she couldn’t. There are people rooting for her. Her brother. Her mother. Her friends. Ethan. Ethan.

When she was informed that the gas in her body was maitotoxin and there was no cure, she accepted her fate and was ready to die. She glanced at Ethan, and his expression wasn’t betraying anything. But the eyes held more feelings than ever. They were pleading. They said, “Please don’t give up.”

She then realized that if they can find a cure within one day, she’ll try and survive. If not for me, then for Ethan and all the people I love, she thought.

Abby starts passing through that hallway. That one hallway. That one hallway that changed her life. No, that one room. And then, she passes through that room.

It’s clean, all the seals, the beds inside with new blankets and pillows. But she can’t see any of that. She can only see her, Rafael, Danny, and Bobby in that room. She sees Bobby dying. She sees Danny being taken away. She sees Rafael and herself being unable to breathe. 

Suddenly she runs away. She can’t take it anymore. You stupid, why would you even come back to the hospital when you’re not ready yet? she scolds herself. Because of Farley. Damn it.

Abby is flooded by her own thoughts when she accidentally runs into someone. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I-”

Only to know that someone is the one. 

She hears his baritone voice calling out to her, finding comfort and solace in it. 

“Abby? What’s wrong? Are you alright?” Ethan wipes something off her cheeks, and she realized that she was crying the whole time. She was so lost in her emotions that she didn’t a single drop falling down to her right cheek. 

“I-” The young doctor tries to speak but couldn’t. She can’t breathe.

“Rookie!” Ethan quickly drags her to the nearest supply closet. He asks her where her inhaler is. 

“Left... pocket...”

He hastily grabs and places it into her mouth. 

“Deep breaths, rookie. Deep breaths.”

She does as she is asked and takes deep breaths. After a few long moments, her breathing level starts to go normal. 

“Rookie, you weren’t ready for your first day back, were you?”

Abby starts to argue. “Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you panic attack right now seems to prove otherwise.”

She sighs. He’s right. She wasn’t even ready to set foot into the hospital. The only reason she did was because of Farley’s rash, and she thought it was life threatening.

Ethan sighs, breaking her from her thoughts.

“Go home, Abby, you’ve had a long day.”

Abby is about to snipe back when he stops her by raising his hand.

“On second thought, I’ll take you to my house. We’re gonna take a day off.”

“But Ethan, we both have patients-”

“Who will be taken care of by the other doctors in this hospital. If you think I’ll be leaving you anytime soon, you’re wrong.”

Hearing his words makes Abby feel lighthearted. She is stubborn just like him, but he’ll always be there for her.

After getting a confirmation and a wink from Naveen, they are in the car. It’s 1:00 P.M., and Abby sees couples sitting on the chairs in the outside booths of a restaurant, smiling, one couple holding hands. She dreams of these moments with Ethan, but their relationship is still uncertain.

The car stops at a red light, and she turns around to look at Ethan, who is lost in thought.

“Ethan, are you alright?” she asks him, concerned.

The mature doctor cracks a dry smile towards her. “I should be asking you that.”

“Ethan...”

“Abby... are you having suicidal thoughts?”

Abby was astounded by his question.

“Ethan! Why would you think that?”

“I’m just asking. If you ever feel that, come talk to me immediately. I can’t...”

It hit her on what Ethan was thinking about. He doesn’t want her to leave. As much as the question made her a little frustrated, she couldn’t help but think about what he was feeling throughout the whole ordeal n the decontamination room.

Abby takes a deep breath. “Ethan, I’m not suicidal. I never have been. I was just uncomfortable, that’s all.”

Ethan looks at her deeply into her eyes. She can literally feel him searching for any lies at her statement, his body relaxing when he didn’t find any. 

When he stops the car, she realizes that they’re here. Before Abby can take off her seatbelt, Ethan’s hand on hers stops her from doing anything. She looks up with a questioning expression.

Ethan speaks in a very stern but concerned way. “If you ever have anything irritating or frustrating you-” he kisses her on the forehead.

“Anything that brings you pain-” He kisses her on the nose, making her scrunch it.

“Anything at all, that makes you want to cry out-” He kisses her on both cheeks. 

“You come and tell me. Promise me” He finally kisses her on the lips.

As the final words come out from Ethan’s lips, she wonders about how she is so lucky to have him. Tears were burning in the back of her eyes, but this time, they were tears of gratefulness. To Ethan. For being her best friend. She cracks a smile.

“I promise.”

*Back to present*

“Hello? Ma’am? Doctor?” she is interrupted from her thoughts by a male nurse. When she checks his tag, his name is Caspian Chapman, and he has a light British accent. She hasn’t seen him before. Abby suddenly feels embarrassed. Who knows how many times, he called her like that.

“Hi, I am so sorry,” she says shyly. “I was lost in thought. Were you speaking to me this whole time?”

Caspian gives her a wide smile. “Nope! I just came in! My name is Caspian, and I will be your nurse! I am new here so...” he trails off.

The young resident laughs, despite the pain on her left side. “Haha, don’t worry! I’m not one of those Karens! Now tell me, how long will I be staying here?”

“From the stab wound you received, you will probably be admitted here for a week.”

Abby inwardly groans, wanting to just go home. Of course this would happen. Even if she’s disappointed by the news, she knows that it is vital for her to recover.

“So, did the stab wound affect my liver or...” she winces at her left side.

Caspian sighs. “You are correct. They brought you to surgery quickly, or who knows what would have happened.”

“Wait, how did you know I’m a doctor?” 

Caspian smiles again. “Are you kidding me? You are Dr. Ethan Ramsey’s protege and in the diagnostics team! Not only that, you helped him save Dr. Naveen Banerji! You are also popular on Instagram. Anyone would kill to be in a spot and reputation like you.”

Her cheeks grow red. 

“I suppose so...” she trails off. 

The new male nurse speaks. “Anyways, I should let Dr. Ramsey, Dr. Banerji, and your family know that you are awake! They will be at relief.”

Wait, what? Ethan is here? Naveen is here? My family is here? They must’ve found out the harsh truth. 

As Caspian turns to leave, Abby stops him. The nurse turns around.

“Yes? Is something the matter?”

“I just wanted to know if they knew who stabbed me.”

Caspian grimaces. “Yes, they are well aware. Do you not wish to speak to them?”

Oh no. Ethan knows. What will she do? Should she call in her family first? No Abby, he'll think that I’m mad at him! She inwardly slaps herself.

Okay, Abby, deep breaths.  She took a deep breath, held it for three seconds, and exhaled. 

“Can you do me a favor and call in Eth- Dr. Ramsey first?”

“I will,” he replies back.

______________________________________________________________

Ethan’s POV

He is terrified. Terrified to go and see her. Terrified to talk to her. But he has to. He has to let her know he loves her. He has to let her know that he can’t live without her. He feels a hand on his shoulder. Seb.

“Ethan, buddy, remember what I said. Tell her you love her. Make yourself happy. Make her happy. And she will never blame you for anything that happened. She’s a very reasonable girl.”

He looks into Seb’s eyes, and sees that there is something he didn’t tell him. Some kind of sadness, but there is happiness mixed in. He will find out later.

The older doctor turns around and sees the support written in their faces. Seb. Jazmin. Naveen. They are smiling broadly.

Naveen claps him on his back. “Now go get your woman, Ethan.”

Ethan smiles back. “Thank you, guys.”

He took a deep breath and opened the doors.

There she is. Abby. At once, she turned her head around, and at once,  dusky brown met ocean blue. She looks tired, her body a little weak, but she still gives him a wide smile that sends his heart swooping forward. Oh, he has it bad. 

“Ethan. Hey.” Abby welcomes him and pats at a seat on her bed. He, however, was hesitant to do so.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you...”

She rolls her eyes. “Ethan, I was stabbed, not hit by a truck. Now, be a good boy and sit on the bed.”

He does as he is asked, sitting on the edge, eyes never leaving hers. “How do you feel?”

“My side’s kinda sore, but I’ll survive... How are you?” she asks hesitantly.

“W-What do you mean?” he stutters. Ethan Ramsey never stutters.

“...I know who the perpetrator is, Ethan.” So she does know.

Before Ethan can say anything, Abby replies. “I know you are blaming yourself for what your mother did. But I will say it again and again until it gets through that smart head of yours. It’s not your fault, do you hear me?”

His eyes are shining with tears, his heart all the way up to his throat.

“Abby... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He blinks, and a droplet fails to stay in his eyes, escaping from the confinement.

The young resident suddenly sits up, wincing a little at the abrupt movement. Her eyes are full of alarm.  “Ethan, c'mere.”

And he does. He hugs her tight, mindful of her side, his nose nuzzling his neck. Abby wraps her arms around him and strokes his hair. The motion gives him a sense of peace. His eyes drop a few more tears. I will tell her.

“Abby, I love you.” She tenses. Before she says anything, he cuts her off. 

“No, Abby, please listen to me. I’ve loved you since the first day you’ve stepped foot into this hospital. I love how you’re always a colossal pain in my ass. I love how your eyes sparkle every time you hear good news. I love how your dimples pop up when you smile. I love how you bite your lip when you think about something. I love everything about you. Your courage. Your admiration. Your passion. I love you body. I love you face. And i now know, that I never want to let you go again.”

When Ethan pulls back and cups her face, he can see the tears glistening, failing to hold still and dropping down onto her cheeks. She half-sobs and half-laughs.

“Ethan, I love you, too.” And that is all he needs to hear.

He kisses her cold lips gently and pulls back, finding his sense of relief. She, in return, kisses his forehead. He promises to himself one thing: he’ll never let her go again.

______________________________________________________________

Seb’s POV

Seeing them crying of happiness makes him smile, his heart feeling elevated with joy. They deserve this joy. They both’ve been through a lot lately, and confessing their love for each other was their first step towards recovery.

“Psst! Seb!” Amma. Behind her is Naveen.

“How is it going there?”

The surgeon smiles triumphantly. “Our plan worked.”

Quiet cheers came out of their mouths. 

“Finally!” Naveen sighs. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for months. Ethan’s too damn stubborn for his own good.”

Seb laughs quietly. “That he is.”

Amma scratches his wool sweater. He just realized the feeling of itch on his skin because of the wool. And he can’t wait to take it off. But they won’t be leaving Abby’s room for the next two days. Not him, at least.

“Will it be alright if we go in and interrupt them?” Amma asks hesitantly. “I have an urge to hug my daughter after the incident.’

“I am sure that will be alright.”

Amma knocks the door. After hearing an acknowledgment, all three of them walked in. 

“Hi Ethan, is it alright if I hug my daughter? I do not mean to waste any of your-”

Ethan looks at her incredulously. “Why would you ask me if you want to hug your own daughter? I don’t mind at all.”

The famous doctor looks at Seb with a questioning look, who shrugs.

Mother rushes forward and hugs Abby carefully, sobbing as she kisses al of her face. The resident sighs.

“Amma, look at me.” Abby forces Jazmin’s face to her. “I. Am. Fine.”

“Sorry, Ladoo, your mother was just very worried when we got the call. I won’t try to cry, alright?”

The Chacko smiles easily. “now that’s what I wanted to hear from you. My Amma is strong.”

Abby sighs and looks at Seb and Naveen, smiling cheerily. “Who’s next in line for cuddles?”

Seb comes forward, finally at ease when he kisses her forehead gently. He hugs her as tight as he can, the injury preventing him for hugging her more. 

“Please, for the love of Pete, please never scare us like that again.”

She laughs lightly and cuddles closer to him. “I’ll try not to.”

Seb looks up and sees Ethan with a light smile on his face. He finally feels light, free.

He then hears Jazmin’s stomach grumble lightly. Abby laughs hearing this. “Why did you guys not eat? All of you need to get food. Now.”

“I’m not gonna leave you this time around,” he replies. 

Seb’s sister groans. “I knew you would say that.”

The surgeon has an idea. “How about I get all of us some burgers from a nearby restaurant? Since I doubt Ethan’s gonna like what he gets from the cafeteria.”

The famous attending shrugs and then grins easily. “You know me so well.”

“Only for you.”

Abby is on a strict water diet for two days, so he considers buying a cup of chocolate pudding for her. As he leaves the room, he sees Naveen hugging Abby, which brought some emotions to the Chacko. Naveen is like the father he never had before.

Seb is really joyous and filled with triumph at the love confessions between Abby and Ethan. He only wishes it could happen to him.

But it can’t. Because he lost the love of his life last year. Due to a seizure. While she was giving birth. All of their promises. All of their hopes and dreams. Gone. Forever 

I miss her... I miss her a lot.

Suddenly, he hears a whistle. A familiar whistle. It sounds like her. 

When she was alive, they used to whistle a lot. it was a form of their communication. The whistle that heard now was a way of saying, “Turn around.”

No, Seb, he thinks. You’re just letting yourself get too emotional. Stop hallucinating.

But then he hears it again. And it’s behind him. A little far away from him. 

He’s afraid to turn around. He can’t move. 

He forces himself to turn around, like the whistle had told him to.

And then he sees her. He sees her. He actually sees her.

No way, it can’t be... Suddenly, Seb speaks.

“...Dolores? Is that really you?”

She smiles. That smile. He missed that damn smile. Her face and hands are covered with small bruises.

And she talks. “Yeah, Seb. It’s me. Dolores Hudson. I’m alive. I really am.”

______________________________________________________________

Mystery Man’s POV

I give Louise some cash that she was looking forward to. 

“Great, thanks!” she says with a smile.

“Anything for my wife,” I reply, with an emphasis on the word ‘wife’.

She rolls her eyes. “Ugh, don’t call me that. I married you to destroy them, not to love you. Now where’s that manicure you promised?”

Louise is annoying as hell. Sometimes I wonder how her former husband Alan dealt with her. What a man, I think. 

She gives me a mischievous grin. “Now give me a kiss.”

I groan, and I quickly give her a kiss, not wanting it to last for long.

Then, I feel a vibration in my pocket. It’s my phone. I pick it up.

It’s one of my guards. And I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I bark him an order. Blood rushes through my veins, and for the first time in a long time, I feel fear.

I hang up the phone and look at Louise, whose eyes held confusion. I decide to answer her questioning glance.

“Missing captive alert. Dolores Hudson has escaped.”

______________________________________________________________

a/n 2: hope you liked that ending!

a/n 3: i know dolores died of a seizure while under an emergency c-section, but in this au, i refuse to believe so :)

tags:@missmiimiie​ @aylamwrites @starrystarrytrouble​ @udishaman​ @caseyvalentineramsey​ @queencarb​ @choicesstan1​ @newcolonies​ @arcticrivers​ @angela8756 @takemyopenheart​ @rookie-ramsey​ @ohchoices​ @ohvamsey @ohramsey @natureblooms24​ @drariellevalentine​ @maurine07​ @lucy-268 @thanialis

@openheartfanfics

@choicesficwriterscreations

[frostedfaves]

Aftermath

Pairing: Jake Peralta x fem!reader:

Summary: Y/N deals with the aftermath of having her cover blown.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: hospitals(?) idk honestly

-

I opened my eyes, slowly and then all at once as I became aware of the bright light above me. I groaned and fumbled around mindlessly, trying to figure out where exactly I was. Rustling across the room made me realize I wasn't alone.

"Doctor...doctor, she's awake!"

So I was in a hospital. The urgent voice in my room grew fainter as the owner left, quickly replaced by the footsteps of someone entering again. I kept my eyes at a half squint, even as my bed was approached by a woman with a low bun holding a stethoscope around her neck.

"Hi there! Welcome back to us," I was greeted by the woman with a kind smile and a soft gaze as she visually checked me out. "I'm Doctor Henderson. Can you tell me who you are?"

I started to give her a name but quickly realized it was fake, shaking my head and decided to surrender my real one. "Y/N."

She frowned a bit, obviously noticing my struggle, but it was gone again before I could comment on it. "Okay, Y/N. Do you remember how you got here?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to see anything that could help me answer her. My head throbbed as images zoomed around my brain. A lot of people running, a fight, falling to the ground...flashing lights...

"Something went wrong." I opened my eyes again to see her watching me still. "Am I safe here?"

"Yes, Y/N, you are. I just need to take a minute to make sure you're completely stable and then you have a visitor who has been waiting for a really long time to see you. Maybe he can help you remember some things."

He? Who's waiting? Instead of voicing my thoughts I simply watched her do what I'm sure is very routine in her day to day activities, lifting my limbs and pressing objects onto my skin, checking for pain and everything else. She eventually wrote a few things down on a dry erase board on the wall and left, promising to send my guest in with some water for me.

The brief moment of quiet in the air was quickly interrupted again by another body entering the room, and one look at the plaid shirt covered by a hoodie, soft brown eyes and slightly curled hair told me who it was.

"Jake."

I noticed the concerned frown melt away at the sound of his name falling from my lips, instantly replaced by a small smile as he came to my bedside. I watched his hands as he put down a Styrofoam cup of the promised water and picked up my left hand instead, carefully rubbing the top of my fingers to avoid the IV further up my arm. I looked back up to meet his eyes and attempted to match his smile.

"You thought I forgot you, huh?" I croaked out, and his smile grew.

"Yeah, I — oh, wait." He brought the cup to me and held the straw to my mouth while I took a few sips, setting it down and returning to caressing my fingers when I was done.

"Thanks," I spoke up a little clearer now and he hummed in response. "Jake, what happened?"

He looked at me, directly into my eyes for just a second, and it was just long enough for me to catch the tears filling his eyes. Knowing I probably caught this, he instantly looked down at our hands and cleared his throat before speaking.

"Your cover was blown while you were on your mission. Fenton caught you on the phone when you were reporting and kind of figured things out from there. You left the phone on so the agents could hear you and track your location quickly and notified us on their way there so we could help."

My eyes drifted closed without warning and I suddenly caught a glimpse of what Jake was describing and more: running from Fenton as he alerted the others, everyone trying to flee before the FBI got there, Fenton eventually catching me and--

"Y/N?"

Jake's voice brought my eyes back open, meeting his and seeing the concern that crossed his features again. His hand had now moved to completely holding mine, and I nearly closed my eyes again at the safe and familiar feeling of his warm palm against mine.

"Sorry, I was remembering." I cleared my throat and scooted up a bit in the bed, wiping at the corner of my right eye with the hand that wasn't holding his. "Maybe we could save this for later? I'm still a little groggy."

I knew Jake could tell it was more than that but he thankfully let it go, simply nodding and pulling a nearby chair a little closer to the bed so he could take a seat. "Does your head feel any better?"

"Yeah. I mean, there's kind of a steady dull ache that only gets worse if I move my head too quickly. But I seem to be able to think without it all jumbling up, so that's good. Did the doctor say when I can leave?"

"When we get you up and walking without any dizzy spells, you're free to go."

"Okay." I found myself staring at our joined hands again before coming back up to his eyes. "Can I go to your place? I don't want to be alone, and for some weird reason I'm not comfortable seeing my stuff just yet. I guess pretending to be someone else for a while will do that to you."

"Bold of you to assume I planned on leaving you alone after not seeing you for six months," he grinned and I laughed, watching him as he kept his eyes on me while kissing my hand lightly. "And I get that, I felt out of place in my apartment when I came back from being undercover with the mafia." He kept his eyes downcast as he lowered my hand back onto the bed.

"Did it ever go away, the out of place feeling?"

"Yeah, Charles came over with Sal's pizza and popped Die Hard in the DVD player and it all kind of clicked back together for me. But if that moment never comes for you, maybe you can move in with me." He looked up with a hopeful gleam and just a hint of vulnerability in his eyes that I couldn't help but adore.

I turned his hand over, drawing a couple shapes on his palm and smiling. "Why wait? I'd start packing now if I could handle it."

"I love you so much." Before I could respond, he was already on his feet and carefully leaning over the bed, kissing me. I couldn't help but put my other hand on his cheek, losing myself in the first kiss we shared since I went undercover in the first place. He pulled away first with some obvious difficulty and I grinned at him.

"I love you, too."

"Damn girl, I should’ve asked you to move in sooner," he replied with a goofy grin, causing me to let out a loud laugh as I whacked my hand into his chest. He chuckled a bit too as he moved to sit on the edge of my bed, smoothing back my hair. "I'm so glad you made it back to me."

My wide grin from laughing settled into a simple smile as I let my gaze roam over his entire body, eventually ending up where I always do, those beautiful eyes. "I'm glad I made it back, too, Pineapples."

[kiatheinsomniac]

Huntress V

[Part I]   [Part II]   [Part III]   [Part IV]   [Part V]

When (Y/n) awoke, she was in an unfamiliar room, no longer at the doctor’s. It was fairly cramped and the windows were boarded up to prevent any sunlight from getting inside, leaving the candles on the desk as the only source of light.

The bed took up most of the room albeit it, it was small and very low down. Opposite the bed was a desk and chair — papers had already been pinned above the desk and Ezio stood with his back to her and was laying some items out over the table, seemingly taking an inventory. There was a hatch on the floor which (Y/n) assumed was the exit.

She sat up and looked around, rubbing her eyes before throwing the blanket back to examine her legs — big mistake. She gasped and pulled it back over her figure, causing Ezio to turn around to face her. The vampire had heard her wake up but didn’t feel the need to turn around until hearing her sound of distress.

“Where are my clothes?!” She exclaimed, holding the sheet over her bare chest.

“Relax. It’s been a few days and I thought they needed to be cleaned. If it makes you feel any better, I sent for a woman to change you.” He continued as he crouched down beside her, watching as she held the sheet tighter and shuffled back a little. His dark eyes locked with hers for a moment before he reached for the blanket at her feet. Her hand darted out to grab his wrist, stopping him.

“What’re you doing?!”

“Checking your bandages.” He replied, “I have no ill intentions for you, (Y/n).”

“You know I can’t believe that. I tried to kill you twice and then you saved me from execution. Why would you do that unless you wanted something?” She narrowed her eyes at him. But her glare wasn’t as hard as he had seen it before: she seemed cautious, confused and painfully aware of how vulnerable she was in that moment.

“Because I want you to change your mind.” He replied, feeling her grip of his wrist soften and moving his large hand to hold her smaller one. “You’ve been on the wrong course for so long. What will killing vampires achieve? Satisfaction? Why not go out there and kill the men who took your sisters, hmm? Kill them and everyone like them who would strip you and other witches of your freedom. Stop them from putting anyone else through that pain. Fight with me, not against me. Fight for a world where we can all choose the path we lead.” The idea seemed to roll in her mind and she sighed, not wanting to share her thoughts on it just yet and raising the sheets to reveal her bandaged legs instead.

Ezio returned to the desk and grabbed a pouch before returning to her side and removing the bandages. (Y/n) hissed when he prodded her a little too hard by accident, causing him to mumble his apologies as he inspected the wound. Her skin was raw and blistered and she winced at the mere sight.

“The doctor prescribed this ointment.” He spoke as he pulled it from the pouch and (Y/n) opened and closed her palm to signal for him to hand it over. She opened the lid and smelled the contents.

“This won’t do anything. If I had my stuff, I could get the spell to cure it.” She grumbled as she handed it back over.

“Would it still be in the Doge’s home?” He queried.

“Yes, but he’s surrounded by guards now, no doubt.” She replied, “But I’m worried I’ll suffer from infection under this doctor’s work. I’ve never trusted them, we just don’t know enough about the human’s biology yet. I’ll stick to my own remedies.”

"And there are no other copies of this remedy?" He asked, raising a hand as he stood.

"No, I came across it myself by accident after a fight when I was working with whatever ingredients I could find." She replied, frowning at her bandaged legs. "And if it's any motivation for you, that book you stole pages from is also in that bag."

"It is?" His eyes lit up, "Where have you kept your things?" He queried.

"The trunk at the end of the bed in the spare room." She replied, "Though, I'm worried that they may have got rid of my things when they arrested me."

"Va bene, I'll send someone to check and see if they can recover your belongings." He replied as he got up and reached for the handle of the hatch on the floor.

"Don't go anywhere." He finished as his head disappeared down below and the door fell back into place.

"I think my blisters are security enough for that." She rolled her eyes before swinging her injured legs over the side of the bed, holding the sheet around her form in case Ezio came back, assuring that it was wrapped securely around her slim figure.

She stood upon the wooden floor and winced at the pain in caused, gripping onto the table to sturdy her balance - it had been a few days since she last walked and she was feeling the effects of it. She opted to lean one hand on the table in order to try and get back to her usual self, not wanting to be idle anymore.

She reached towards the pages pinned to the walls - sketches and annotated diagrams. It showed a sphere was unusual markings that was called a Piece of Eden and 'the apple?' hastily written beside it as well. There were annotations about some of its known abilities: mind control, illusion and so on. (Y/n) could recall a few mentions of this artefact from the book which she had stolen from the Doge's study but these must be the pages which he had torn from it. Personally, she had been much more interested in the staff that it had documented so she thought very little of these few mentionings of the apple.

Strewn over the desk were various maps and lists: some were maps of regions in Venice with different locations circled and crossed out, some areas marked with squares around buildings. But she could not find any key to decipher what any of these meant, perhaps it was just one that Ezio had kept in his mind. There were lists of different names and information provided by contacts. There was a scroll of various papers that was bound with a black ribbon. She opened it up to reveal contracts assigned by Lorenzo de Medici.

"The Medici?!" She whisper-yelled to herself. How many people did this vampire know? The contracts spoke of enemies to the Medici rule that needed to be dealt with. Some of them were checked off by Ezio but others were yet to be completed. Perhaps he intended to finish them once his work in Venice was done?

There was a noise from below and (Y/n) looked back to the hatch, seeing Ezio climb up a ladder and re-enter the small room which they seemed to be sharing for the time being. She didn't act hastily in rolling the contracts back up again. If he wanted her to trust him then he would allow her to know everything that was going on; especially seeing as he had previously told her how much was hidden from her beforehand.

"I've sent someone to try and collect your things but we can't guarantee she'll be successful." He began before holding out a bundle of white silk and linen to her, seeing as all she had to protect her decency was a bedsheet. "I also got this for you, one of the ladies has let you borrow it until we can get your clothes back or buy you some new ones."

"Thank you." She mumbled as she took the clothing and held it out with one hand, seeing the length of it and how revealing it was.

"Is this lady a courtesan by any chance?" She scoffed as Ezio turned around to face the desk once more in order to allow her some privacy as she changed, his back now to her.

"Yes, actually. We're above a brothel." He replied and (Y/n) sighed as she stood on the bed (due to the lack of space) and dropped the sheet, pulling the shoulderless dress on over her head and pulling the thin layers of the skirt down, still feeling awfully revealed by the open-cut front of the dress and how the stay sewn into it barely contained her breasts. She almost fell to the floor in the process, her legs still weak, but she managed to support herself on the wall.

"Ok, I'm done." She huffed as she pulled the front of the dress down carefully, feeling anxious about her lack of clothing underneath, all while not wanting the bodice to shift with it. Ezio looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened for a moment before flickering down her body and a smirk pulled at the corner of his lips before he looked away once more.

"I saw that," (Y/n) grumbled as she sat down, letting her legs fall off the side of the bed.

"It was only a quick look." He replied in a laddish tone with a hearty laugh at the end.

"Not for you, it wasn't. I wasn't born yesterday, Ezio, I know how quickly your kind can move when wanted." She was replied with another laugh from him.

"Art should be admired, no?"

"You're not doing yourself any favours in getting in my good books here." She finished as she walked over to one of the boarded-up windows.

"Don't touch those." He said, not raising his gaze from one of the maps on the table.

"What's stopping me?" She countered, knowing that she had the ability to severely injure him just by prying a board back and allowing the sunlight to pour in. An arm wrapped around her torso, restraining her arms by her sides and a blade was pressed to her throat in a moment. The cold metal rested against the hot skin of her neck and she reeled her head back to try and put some distance between herself and the weapon, ending up leaning her head back onto his shoulder.

"This." He growled in her ear, not wanting her to get any ideas about attacking him while he was vulnerable during the time that he was treating her. He truly wanted the best for her but he would never be able to achieve that if both of them didn't command mutual respect. She twisted her body to the left a little, elbowing him in the gut and giving her the moment she needed to turn around and shove him away.

"Still not doing you any favours for getting on my good side." She grumbled as she leaned against the wall, crossing her arms. He didn't seem to mind her shoving him, it not really having much of an effect seeing as she was already weakened by her injuries. "Don't do that again." She mumbled, making her way over to the desk to watch what he was doing. After realising he had taken out a very specific map of a building, she became curious as to what it was.

"What're you looking at?" She asked, wrapping her arms around herself as she felt a sudden chill.  

"It's a map of the Basilica, there's something that I need. . . Would you shut up?" She was taken aback for a moment after he spun in her direction to say that, opening her mouth to retort when she saw that he was, in fact, looking behind her. She turned her head and jumped backwards with a yelp, her back hitting Ezio's chest in the small space that was the secret loft of the brothel. Suddenly she understood the chill.

She'd never been sensitive to spirits in the day, perhaps that's why Elizabetta's ghost had managed to appear behind her, undetected.

Her dark locks fell down her back and her eyes were a piercing green, poking like needles into whoever caught a glimpse of them. Her skin was strikingly pale and (Y/n) could see the punctures over her neck so easily in their short distance - a reminder of what Ezio was capable of doing to her. The naked ghost took a step closer as she continued to speak silently, lips moving but not a word coming out.

Whether he meant to or not, Ezio's arm made its way around (Y/n)'s waist, trying to push her behind him in the small distance. The witch turned her head to glance up at him, seeing the look of irritation on his face as he regarded the dead woman.

"I've heard enough. You won't scare me Elizabetta, and you won't make me change my mind." There was a pause as she clearly scoffed, (Y/n) only wishing she could hear what the spirit was saying. "Why would I listen to you? I know that your only goal is to see me fail." His voice was rising and it was clear to (Y/n) that Elizabetta had hit a nerve.

"Begone, you're no longer welcome here for the time being." (Y/n) cut in, watching as the woman's emerald eyes narrowed angrily, somewhat surprised that the huntress had even cut in before she vanished like smoke.

"What did she say?" (Y/n) quizzed, turning around to face him.

"She. . ."He seemed to trail off as he looked down at the woman in his arms, his hand resting on her lower back, tilting his head down to meet her gaze before closing his eyes. He sighed and stepped away, turning around, "I'm not entirely sure yet, all I know is she was trying to get under my skin and she succeeded to a degree." He reached a hand out to smooth down the top of her hair.

"Get some rest, it'll do you no good if you tire your legs out. We're going to be moving once the sun sets then I'll be heading out to see what I can find out about the Doge's whereabouts." (Y/n) didn't like being told to sleep as though she were a child and it was her bedtime.

"Fine, but I won't be staying inside your next hideout while you look for the Doge. If your courtesan doesn't return my things, I'll have to retrieve them myself and if I can't then I'll have to buy some new clothes. You may think that I'm fragile because I’m a witch, Ezio," She added as she sat down and pulled the blanket over her lap, "but it hasn't stopped me in the past and now that I have a new score to settle, it certainly won't stop me now."

"Revenge is a painful road, belleza," Ezio spoke wearily, recalling what his own path was.

"And it seems it's a pain we both know all too well."

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: now what? / 2.2.21

LAST TIME ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS: we kicked the shit out of a witch, a murdercow, and a tree, and nearly got murdered by a broom! also i exploded the tree, which was pretty fucking poggers. we also did have to hold taure down to feed her some healing elixirs but yknow

silje, meanwhile, was spaced the fuck out the entire time (bc of being a dmpc last time) and has no idea what just happened or that he commited gratiutous amounts of tree violence.

And Then We Slept For 24 Hours (we didnt)

thorne rolled a nat20 on drawing the tree blight on fire! which is EXTREMELY COOL. im glad we have a memorial of the coolest thing ive done on arvus so far (and also hopefully the fire wont spread bc it would suck if we set all of arvus on fire) oh nvm we're in a swamp so we good. hard to set things on fire in a swamp.

i swear im paying attention but green is talking about dreamout in 772 rn and has some very interesting theories about how the eggpire plot would go down so i am just. side-eyeing it. i am Looking. i swear im paying attention.

oh man i havent collected my notes from last session bc i was liveblogging in discord for nyx's benefit. that's gonna be interesting to compile.* i wonder if i should put these in gdocs instead of wordpad lmao (wait no i use wordpad bc its easier to just pop open and have layered over discord / roll20) * [ AND THEN I DIDNT DO THAT FOR LIKE 2 MONTHS ]

michael: ...burn the house down charlie: ~ we're gonna burn the whole house down! ~ thorne: [confused] how do you know that song? we dont have any bards charlie: [buffering] ...BITCH I MIGHT BE

what if i took a level in bard, would that be fucked up or what

tiny hut tiny hut tiny hut tiny hut. TINY HURT (sieron casted Leomund's Tiny Hut bc we burnt down the only nearby shelter)

lots of discussion about the hut. hut talk

thorne: sieron, why havent we been doing this? charlie: great question! hey sieron, what the fuck? sieron: i guess i just havent thought about it? charlie: you're lucky you're cute >:/ sieron: AA??

discussion of sieron's alter appearance and how its probably somewhat awkward bc thorne is just. openly a horc. unfortunately, sieron's hometown is super racist

HELLO I HAVE BEEN DISTRACTED BC RUBY DID A PANEL REDRAW FROM ASP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aa a a a a a

time for taure and thorne to chat on watch! frenship taure hasnt noticed her hair colour bc shes been busy doin stuff, like killin people taure misunderstands thorne asking abt her hair and thinks he has a tragic backstory of being a hairdresser before becoming a warlock DOES TAURE KNOW WHAT THE FEYWILD IS yes she does! war of the veils was a thing, where the feywild invaded the material plane and honestly i should read all the worldbuilding again bc its been forever but i thought all that was neat

oh shit thorne called taure a uhhhh eladrin? OH BOY TAURE ROLLED A 1 we're on the same page here TIME FOR THORNE INFODUMP eladrin are feywild elves! as in closely related to the fey, as well as living in the feywild. their hair changes with the seasons, like taure's does :O !! taure and thorne have not had a fucking one on one conversation before

thorne: taure. taure: yes, hello that is me i am taure [..] taure: now, counterpoint, the sun makes hair change colour-- thorne: Taure.

thorne is trying so hard i love they everyone else is sleeping through this convo so theyre spared the awkwardness but ooc we are having a great time :o eladrin hair colour changing stuff related to mood / seasons / powers?? thorne is admittedly confused bc Weird Documentation but this is really neat to hear about taure, meanwhile, has no idea why this is important.

thorne: if i had told you this, and you had-- transcended-- into your next phase-- id be very concerned taure: hold on [loud grunting] okay no

why havent we been doing tiny hut this whole time. sieron.

oh right taure has a tragic backstory and her mom ditched her as a babby. MEANWHILE, THORNE DOESNT EVEN HAVE PARENTS michael: there are two types of people in the world: those who're kidnapped as infants, and those that kidnap infants WAIT IS THIS LIKE, THE FIRST TIME ANYONES HEARD ABT THORNE'S BACKSTORY BESIDES "LIVED IN THE FEYWILD" thorne is very chill about it though. god i love thorne. i love the entire party

thorne: ...after the third or fourth prophetic vision, they all sorta blur together.

god i wish id written down more about the magical mystical adventure OH. THE ORACLE FORESHADOWED THE ELADRIN THING. NEAT thorne: oh, the oracle! is that the guy with the, uh... [snaps fingers] the gryphon fart orb?

IREL IS HERE YAY IREL i have forgotten how to spell their name. how about i split the difference and spell it Yirel. michael is rolling to see if thorne and taure woke yirel up-- OH OKAY yirel just. sleeps for fun. god i wish that were me

charlie's hair can hold many small pets of dubious sapience.

I LOVE YIREL,,, thorne is just pleasantly confused. WAIT IS YIREL PURRING yirel: you are confused by that action! :D taure: ...yes. what were you doing? yirel: i was performing magic! i can now detect your minds! i can hear your thoughts. :D OKAY SO YIREL WAS. NOT PURRING. yirel has cast Detect Thoughts on thorne. thorne's train of thought is now "???"

we need to teach the snake consent. we have now taught the snake consent.

YIREL IS GOING TO VERY POLITELY ASK THE BIG BAD IF HE CAN READ THEIR MIND its okay i love them. thorne is SO CONFUSED yirel is attempting to be helpful YIREL LITERALLY DISCOVERED THEY COULD CAST DETECT THOUGHTS SO THEY CASTED DETECT THOUGHTS. thorne is hoping yirel wont learn to cast fireball on themself. yirel: there's two timelines where that could happen. i will do my best to avoid them! :D

okay its really hard to get across in text but yirel is basically just. permanently happy/excited sounding. like a puppy! or like the ":D" face in winged snake form.

ooh, a celestial serpent location! off in the mistwall mountains. they are Extremely Dead but yirel told thorne+taure where it is on the map and said we can learn stuff abt time! and then went to sleep. goodnight yirel. i will kill for you

S. S. BIG BOAT (it is 60 miles across. big boat. thank you jorb)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH JORB'S CAMERA, WHY DOES IT KEEP ZOOMING IIIIIIIIIIN

it rained overnight so all the water that collected on the tiny hut got dumped on everyone, and THEN silje shook off like a dog and charlie is MISERABLE

SILJE GOT A NAT20 FORAGING the survival squad are gonna get the fuckin best breakfast ever

oh yea the poison / disease was stored in the tree blight! so now that we've incinerated it it's all good. still gonna take time for the whole river to clear, but with the source of it gone we should be golden. fuck yea

oh man today was hourly comics day, wasnt it. or was it feb 1? fuck shit damn uhhhhh i have done. nothing. besides work on the PMV, talk about dreamout, and now play d&d. this is unrelated to everything im just Thonkin

TIME FOR SWAMP FACTS solar knows So Much about swamps. time to discuss cattails (please no) these are cattails............. ME WANT BITE. ME WANT PLANT CORN DOG DELIGHT. ME WANT DEEP FRIED. ME THINK WATER TWINKIE NICE

oh shit thorne has spotted a ufo. yuufo time OMINOUS YUUFO silje, with an armful of frogs and a lizard in his mouth: [looks up] mrrp? poor silje cant see for shit. NEITHER CAN THORNE its either very small and close, or very big and far away

HRM. actually this MIGHT be related to the vision bc the ominous yuufo was heart-shaped, and the vision was of a necromancer on a floating bloody platform raising all kinds of undead

its been forever and i didnt take a lot of notes on the mini-session but the last time we saw the oracle was a cave on theral! so, unrelated to the place yirel marked on the map. which michael marked down as "seat of the oracle"!

TAURE THINK OF THE CHILDREN THAT WE DONT HAVE (we have yirel!) TAURE THINK OF THE CHILD THAT WE HAVE

ahoyhoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i wanna go to ahoyhoy. we are not currently going to ahoyhoy but maybe some day

i had to stop paying attention because buttons wanted to see my Horrible Streaming Setup and apparently something terrible has happened. also honse

we are potentially dealing with a salad katamari.

thorne: could that be what the object in the sky is? silje: ...a lettuce?

we have voted to ignore the salad katamari for now. this action will have consequences.

charlie and silje take watch! charlie wants to know what silje's deal is! silje is a monster hunter. charlie misses bein a thief ): SILJE WAS A MONSTER HUNTER SINCE HE WAS 12?? charlie realizes that perhaps becoming an adventurer and doing a huge amount of murder on a regular basis, especially as a child, is Maybe Not Great silje likes books! charlie offers to lend him her books :D charlie, quietly: i am totally doing the friendship thing so good. RATS RATS RATS RATS hehe rats.

uh oh, nyx has died. NVM NYX IS OKAY nyx's power has not gone out again

we've been on arvus for 13 days! neat.

OH SHIT FLOATING ISLAND its also shaped weirdly like a heart. YEP IT LOOKS LIKE ITS BLEEDING probably bc of clay or iron oxide in the dirt but still that looks ominous as hell SIERON'S A SMART BOY he rolled 20+ on the 3 rolls he had to do, fuck yeah. this fucked up island is an Earth Mote! which are lil sky islands. or like, just general dirt chunks thatre in the sky. theyre either natural events or wizards showing off! also they usually move, but this one is just kinda... tethered. not like Literally but its locked in place. this is apparently the "Heart of Arvus"! which is . at the heart of arvus. or at least the centre of the continent.

solar: leo, we've found the ruins of mumbo jumbo's base. leo: [leans over and thwaps solar on the leg w nerf sword]

penn: i swear to god, if i look out my window and i dont see jorb in the sky, im going to be disappointed that hes not doing his job. jorb: slowly rotating.

we are now thinking about how to get up on the rock. TINY HUT STAIRCASE solar: could i featherfall the wrong way? wand of wonder / wild magic surge! NOPE mage hand! charlie is 41 pounds. mage hand is 5 pounds limit. korred rope! we have enough rope to tie together and tie to the korred rope, BUT the korred rope cannot fly. OH THE ROCK IS INHABITED there's an elf!

sieron & taure: [worried about the necromancy] charlie: HOWDY~!

[party arguing about who's gonna go up bc not all of us can fit up there] [leo and solar start swordfighting in the background]

sent kaepora through the portal to the heart of arvus aaaaaand end of session! CLIFFHANGEERRRRRRR

michael: DID YOU FUCK MY MOM, DUNGEONMASTER?

[sharpnothashtag]

The Good Ship CrushWay, Chapter 50

The drones are in regeneration mode again, and we see a big sweep of them all. One drone's eyes open. They gasp. They start pushing their way out of the formation and to the door. The security officers rush toward them. Seven of Nine stops the officers with a gesture and approaches them.

Seven: State your designation.

Drone: Two of Seven, Tertiary Monitor of Trimatrix 3510. We are malfunctioning.

Seven: State the problem.

Drone: We are experiencing the effects of empathy. It was in this drone's previous DNA--they were El-Aurian. This drone needs to be disassembled and returned to the hive hub to be used for spare parts.

Seven: You are on the USS Aiftadaa. We have come to return you to the way you were. What was your name?

Drone: Kovan.

Seven: I was once Annika. You said you were experiencing empathy. Tell me more about that.

Kovan: I felt a soul despair--as if someone they loved had died.

We see Bev lying on the floor next to KJ's body. Patrick is kneeling next to her.

Patrick: Beverly. It's been 10 minutes. We need to at least let Data know. (Bev lies there, looking into KJ's eyes, barely even blinking.) Please, Beverly. Please get up. Or say something. (no response. Patrick taps his combadge.) Patrick to Data.

Data: Data here.

Patrick: Please report to Sick Bay.

Data: Is something wrong?

Patrick: Please. Report to Sick Bay. I need your help.

Data: Understood.

Data enters Sick Bay. He sees Patrick standing next to Bev's head. He approaches.

Data: Is Kathryn still with us? (Patrick shakes his head.) Is Beverly okay?

Patrick: She's been lying on the floor looking into her eyes since she passed about 15 minutes ago. I can counsel her, but I don't know what to do with the body. Or what ship's functions should be. So I called you.

Data: First, we need to do an autopsy to determine cause of death.

Patrick: The EMH can do that. I can program him to do it without having to have the whole thing be explained.

Data: Good. Next, we need to get Beverly off the floor and into your office. I will do that.

Patrick: Good. Since you're her Number One (voice cracking) I suppose you'll have to take over. Are we going back to Utopia Planitia?

Data: I will set the course once I return to the bridge. There is no need to prematurely upset the crew, so I will tell Daneel privately and then let the rest of the crew know once we arrive at Deep Space 9.

Patrick: That's right--we are closer. Data, will you let me know when we get close? I need to take care of something when we get there.

Data: Of course. Go program the EMH. I will set up Kathryn's body for the autopsy. Then I will bring Beverly to your office.

Patrick is sitting in his office. Bev is catatonic, staring at the ceiling. Patrick's chair is by her head. He strokes her hair, not saying a word. Back on the bridge, Data enters.

Data: Ensign Paris, set a course for Deep Space 9.

Tom: Aye, sir. Is the Captain okay, sir?

Data: We will discuss the Captain's condition at a later date, Ensign. Daneel, will you join me in the ready room? (Daneel nods. They retreat to the Ready Room. As Data starts to tell Daneel about KJ, Seven calls him.)

Seven: Seven of Nine to Data.

Data: Go ahead, Seven.

Seven: I need you and Lieutenant Daneel in Cargo Bay 4. This is urgent.

Daneel: We're on our way, Seven. I guess you'll tell me whatever it was in the turbolift?

Data: That is a good idea.

in the turbolift

Data: The Captain is dead.

Glasses: (in shock, after a minute) I don't know what to say.

Data: To paraphrase a 20th century musical, "there is nothing to say. Nothing that's not been said."

Glasses: So it's alright that I am not going to say anything?

Data: Yes. Silence is a perfectly acceptable response to horrifying news.

They stand in silence and exit when the doors open. They enter Cargo Bay 4. Seven of Nine is preparing Kovan for surgery. Once she notices they've arrived.

Seven: This drone is related to Guinan. While I've never met her, I know El-Aurians are extremely powerful. Their name is Kovan. Dr. Crusher needs to perform the surgery on this drone as soon as possible.

Data: Dr. Crusher is not well. The surgery will have to wait until we return to Utopia Planitia.

Seven: Someone on the ship has died. And they know why.

Data: (addressing Kovan) How did you know about Captain Janeway's death?

Seven: WHAT

Glasses: (going to her) It came as a shock to me, too.

Kovan: We felt something leave. We felt someone's soul fall into despair. Someone on the ship died, and someone who loved them is here in anguish.

Data: What caused her death?

Kovan: Q.

Seven: Bastard!

Data: Can you help us communicate with him?

Kovan: Yes.

Data: Come with me.

Data brings Kovan to Sick Bay, interrupting the autopsy.

Data: Bring Q here, Kovan.

Kovan: We ask for the presence of the great Q, hoping the continuum will spare him.

Q: My friend, Data! You've called for me using this...impish species. What seems to be the problem?

EMH: Excuse me, what the hell are you all doing in my sick bay?!

Data: Computer, deactivate the EMH. (EMH disappears.) Q, you have explaining to do.

Q: What, Kathryn? She's safe. Why?

Daneel: Is she alive?

Q: Dead, alive...it's all the same at this point.

Kovan: No, it is not. There is someone here in complete despair. We have been a drone for 20 years, and their despair reached us. Surely a being such as yourself has seen how the Captain's loved one is grieving.

Q: Who, the Doctor? She'll live.

Glasses: Do you always play with the lives of others like this?

Data: Yes, he does. Q, what will it take to bring Kathryn back to us?

Q: I couldn't possibly bring her back.

Data: Yes, you can. You can change the gravitational constant of the universe. You can bring back the dead.

Q: I suppose "could" isn't the right word. I'm more than capable.

Data: What do you want in return for her?

Q: I want to take Patrick with me. (everyone is pretty surprised) Patrick and I have had a wonderful relationship.

Kovan: We are sensing that the joke you are attempting to tell is not funny.

Daneel: You're damn right.

Q: I want to take Patrick on an adventure. If he wants to come back and work with you all again, I'll bring him back.

Data: What would the purpose of this excursion be?

Q: I believe your beloved humans call it a "first date."

Daneel: (awkwardly) Q. Hey. The name's Daneel. Nice to meet you. It has been my understanding through my study of dating practices that both parties need to have an interest in the other on some level before a first date can happen.

Q: Not so when you're a Q. It's a bit of a kidnapping.

Data: In Starfleet, kidnapping is still illegal. Also, Q, do you want Patrick to feel the same way about you?

Q: Ideally, yes.

Data: Then you must ask him politely if he would like to go with you. Given your history, you may also want to promise that he will not be harmed.

Q: Fine. We will do it your way. (Snap. All of them are in Patrick's office.)

Patrick: What the hell are you doing here?!

Q: I must say, Patrick, it's a delight to see you again as well.

Patrick: Daneel, will you sit with Beverly for a moment while I take care of this nuisance?

Daneel: Gladly. (Daneel walks over and sits with Beverly. They play with her hair gently as the rest of the scene goes on.)

Q: A nuisance, am I? Honestly, Data, I don't know why you want to be like them so much. So rude.

Data: Patrick, it would be best if the two of you spoke alone. I am going to explain all I can to Dr. Crusher about these circumstances.

Q: Alone? Mmm. Some place a bit more secluded--perhaps this will do? (Snap. They are both in a bubble bath covered in rose petals. Patrick immediately sinks under the water trying to hide his chest.) Patrick, my dear, I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time.

Patrick: Can it be told to me while we both have clothes on and are standing at least 6 feet apart in an open space not covered in rose petals?

Q: (eye roll) fine. (Snap. They are both clothed and 6 feet apart in Patrick's quarters.) Better?

Patrick: Yes--very. What do you want?

Q: Do you remember when I first began to call on you?

Patrick: Vividly.

Q: I said originally that the Q continuum wanted to destroy you because they found you to be savage. I lied.

Patrick: (incredulously) Really?

Q: Really. I discovered you and found you fascinating. I wanted to play a little game, and you put up quite a fight.

Patrick: When an entire race is on the line, one cannot stop fighting.

Q: And that's very noble of you. I admire that about you. So I came back again and again to play and to find out more about you. And I discovered something. (Patrick gestures for him to go on.) I am attracted to you.

Patrick: (blinking) what

Q: Yes, I was ashamed, too. But I simply cannot help myself. So I wanted to get your attention.

Patrick: Is this where Kathryn comes in?

Q: Look at you, getting smarter every time you play with me!

Patrick: Just tell me.

Q: I saw Kathryn was near death. I played a little game with her. She is dead, but that isn't a permanent thing. She could come back and live with her wife for the rest of her days like she so desperately wants, if...

Patrick: If what? Please just spell it out for me--I'm rather tired.

Q: Will you go on a date with me?

Patrick: (laughing in spite of everything) What does a date look like for a Q?

Q: (inching closer and closer) For us, it could look like visiting the ruins of Jouret IV before they were destroyed. Or even before they were built. Getting to go back to LaBarre and meet this incessantly nagging Robert. We could go sailing on the pools on the rings of Saturn. All these and more. I want to show you the entire universe, Patrick. And it could all start right now.

Patrick: If I go on one date with you, you'll let me do all things I've wanted to do since I was a boy AND also bring Kathryn back from the dead?

Q: Yes, Patrick. Wherever you say, we'll go.

Patrick: You need to swear to me that no one will be hurt. No one in all of history and certainly not anyone here now.

Q: (with his right hand up) On my word as a gentleman.

Patrick: Let's go back to see Beverly. I need to talk to her first.

Q: As you wish. (Snap. They're back in Patrick's office. Bev is sitting up and rocking back and forth. As soon as she sees Q, she bitch slaps him across the face. Then she goes to Patrick.)

Bev: You have to go with him. Please.

Patrick: I owe you.

Bev: No, you don't.

Patrick: Yes, I do. I sent Jack on that mission.

Bev: Don't do this for me. Don't do this for Kathryn. Do this for you.

Patrick: Excuse me?

Bev: Go on a date, Patrick. Have fun. Do what you've always dreamed of. And make this bastard pay for taking my wife away from me.

Q: Mostly well put.

Data: Before the two of you go, we would appreciate your presence at the reception.

Q: Reception?

Daneel: We went ahead and planned one for this evening in case Patrick said yes.

Patrick: (turning to Q) Can we?

Q: You know I can't say no to that face.

KJ is in her white tux, and Bev is in a long white dress. They all look so happy as Data plays "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You."

Q: (walking over to Patrick) May I have this dance?

Patrick: You want to leave already?

Q: (...hand still out) no. I thought I made it clear that I want to dance with you. Will you dance with me?

Patrick: (reaching out to take his hand, laughing a little) Yes.

[drkcnry67]

in truth...

title: in truth

pairing: dean x reader

fluff: in vino veritas

heaven and hell: book of the damned

rating: pg

tags: nothing really too major...

summery: not telling

@spnfluffbingo @heavenandhellbingo @sweetness47

You had to do something, you were not about to let the mark on the love of your life kill him… so you made a deal, you had gotten your hands on the book of the damned and you were now working with Rowena to try and remove the mark…

Rowena: are you sure you don't want to talk to Dean about this… I mean it's his life, his risks…

Yn: I know what he would say and I would rather just remove the mark and save his ass… so we can start the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

Rowena looks up from the book briefly…

Rowena: does that mean something happened, or is it something you learned?

Yn: its none of your concern, now lets just do this...

Rowena: ok fine, let's begin…

The spell’s list of ingredients were not long, but some had been lost to man for ages, centuries in fact:

Something made by God, but forbidden to man: the forbidden fruit-the apple from the garden which crowley had helped to procure for this spell

Something made by man, but forbidden by God: The remains of the golden calf idol, which was later destroyed

The caster's heart: The life of the thing the spell caster loves most

The fourth and final ingredient is a lock of hair from the target with the mark: you had taken a lock of hair from dean when you gave him a hair cut…

Rowena: yn since this is your spell, please tell me what have you brought that is the life of you

You present the case to rowena who opens it and smiles ever so slightly.

Rowena: so what being does this type of murder…

YN: one who wants to save the life of the father of her unborn baby…

Rowena: finally, how long have you known?

You had to take a breath, you were really overwhelmed…

Yn: about a week, since my last doctor appointment. Ive been waiting for the right time to tell Dean but the mark has to go away before dean and i can talk about this baby… cause the mark is causing him to for as hot as it is, be a lean mean hunting machine, talking to sam about this many nights after hunts, sam has told me that he has nearly been killed because dean just gets carried away. This mark needs to be removed and i know he would not listen to me if i tried to explain this…

Rowena: very well, but so you know, you and dean will still have more troubles once the mark goes away, the danger will still be ever present. The hunt doesnt stop when you remove the mark, it will intensify it in more ways then one.

You were now the one standing over the bowl where the ingredients you would be using were being placed with the following words:

YN: Ab manu Dei! (by the hand of God)

You placed the forbidden fruit the apple of the garden of eden into the bowl.

Yn: Ab manu hominis! (by the hand of man)

You placed the piece of the golden calf idol into the bowl

Yn: Ab cruore cordis mei ad fusuro in aeternum! (my bleeding heart i cast into eternity)

You opened the case and poured the heart of your own mother into the bowl.

YN: Tolle maledictionem tuam, ab hoc viro! (take your curse from this man)

Thats when you took the lock of deans hair and put that into the bowl. Suddenly a red blush colored light flew from the bowl, it flung you and rowena back, and left you both to go find dean. You got up and ran after it, you only hoped that you would get to dean before it got to dean…

you were scared, but you ran anyway, rowena on your tail, she had the book, she remembered your deal but she wanted to give you the book anyway. She didnt want it knowing that you were expecting.

You saw dean and dam arriving home at the bunker, you were half way down the road, you stopped suddenly, the red light flying over head… your only instinct was to yell.

YN: dean watch out… im sorry love i had to do it…

Thats when dean was struck by the red flash… once it was done with dean, it flew up into the sky, and suddenly the entire earth went dark as night. You ran a bit more but fell down closer to the impala…

You passed out from power exhaustion and from all that running. You woke up a few hours later only to find that you were on yours and dean bed… dean was just sitting there.

Dean: i know what you did, but i have to ask you why…

Yn: cause i didn't want you to go into the next phase of our lives together with that mark, it was changing you dean, it was changing you… do you know that you almost let your brother die last week during one of your hunts… never mind when me and you went to handle a demon a few days ago. I needed you to have a clear head for what i was gonna tell you.

Dean stands up… but before he could speak the words that you had been holding back for a while now just came spilling out.

Yn: we are pregnant!

This made dean stop dead in his tracks… this made his expressions change rapidly.

Dean: what did you just say?

You grabbed his hand and pulled him to sit on the bed as you looked into his eyes…

YN: i found out last week at the doctor, i am carrying your child dean winchester, and i know its not been that many years together and we haven't even discussed children as a future possibility but i totally understand if you don't want to raise this baby with me… and if that's the case then ill leave but on the off chance that i am wrong about you that you do want to raise this baby with me then please for the love of god understand now that what i did i'm removing the mark, i did it for us, for our future, for the life of our child.

All dean did was cup your cheek…

Dean: don't you dare think for one second that i would ever want your baby.. Hello yn… you don't know me but i know you… i also know that when you removed the mark off your boyfriend here, i was able to crawl into his body, he was supposed to keep the mark. You were not supposed to remove it… you didnt keep it locked up…

You reached round the back of your headboard, you grabbed the small vile and tilted his head back and dumped it down his throat.

Yn: in vino veritas… you just ingested truth serum. Now tell me the truth, who are you and what is coming, what did i unleash by removing the mark off of Dean…

Demon: i have no name, i am from the inner circle to the overlord, i am the one thing standing between you and your boyfriend here, who let me tell you is trying to fight his way out of my blockades. But to tell you the truth, the mark of cain held in the darkness, god’s sister, and without a host the darkness is free to destroy all she touches.

You lept off the bed, and revealed the devils trap beneath the bed. You did the exorcism and dean’s body fell lifeless on the bed. It was 3 minutes later that he sat shot straight up and he looked at you.

Dean: yn im so sorry, i didnt have any control, i heard everything that monster said… and im thrilled that you and i are going to be parents. Dont think for one second that anything the demon said was anything remotely close to what i want… i want you and this baby and we are gonna have the perfect life together you will see.

The rest of the day was spent cuddling in bed, you were discussing baby ideas, plans to add a doorway to the room next door, the plans grew and grew till you both passed out from mental and physical exhaustion.

No one thing would stop you and dean from living your best lives, no one would stop you guys from living eachother till the day you truly were to part.