#why does my autocorrect hate his name

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 4 - agoraphobia and burger king on 5th street

summary: a personal experience provides a way for newt to connect to y/n.

warnings: strong language, mental health talk, depression, medication (its my literal prescription i mention oops this is like a self insert fr), mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

--

THE GLADE

[ 10:52 am ]

y/n: it’s official yall

drugs saved my life

tommy: huh??

minho: same

newt: wow, i’ve never seen your name on my screen before 12 pm

y/n: shut the hell up bitch

newt: ouch, touchy

minho: woah

touchy 👀

are yallll..?

y/n: you’re sick

tommy: are we going to ignore the drugs statement??

like hello are u ok ??

newt: you’re annoying minho

minho: yea <3 😊

notice how they didn’t say no

y/n: you guys just don’t understand how a girl like me needs beauty sleep..

and no we aren’t

gally: all that beauty sleep and ur still walking around with that mug.. yikes.

y/n: 😑

i hate you i haete you i dhateoyifu

minho: great she’s having a fit

y/n: no one cares about me

and you think i’m ugly

this is so sick

and you don’t even care that i’m on drugs

☹️😭😭😭😭 done.

newt: no one said that love

gally that was rude

minho: BRUHHHHH

here she goes

tommy: I CAREE????????

DO I NEED TO COMEGET YOU????

y/n: yes 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

before i do something crazy 😭😭💣

minho: THE BOMB IS WILD

tommy: stay where you are

i have your location

newt: uhhh

y/n: pause what

minho: tommy why would you admit to that

tommy: im On my way! what’s the issue

sorry autocorrect

y/n: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY LOCATION????

gally: can you guys shut the fuck up

minho: the drama queen is here 😍

gally: stop

alby: I have it on Life360, I imagine Thomas does as well. In fact I have all of your locations.

y/n: oh

i forgot about that app..

minho: i didn’t. i get a notif that newt’s phone is at 5% all the goddamn time

even tho he said he deleted it

newt: just turn it off then

i redownloaded it don't track my app intake

minho: no it makes me feel less lonely

y/n: awwwww

idk how you do that newt

newt: do what?

y/n: not charge your phone

if my phone gets below like 15% then the monsters will get me

tommy: omg me tooo 🥹

newt: i was about to say you sound like tommy.

tommy: don’t say that!

she’s on drugs i don’t want to sound like an addict 😔

newt: she isn’t on drugs thomas

tommy: she literally said she is newt :/

5 mins and i’m there y/n

y/n: are you actually fr

thomas..

we live very far away sweetie

newt: i mean

if you were in trouble you don’t think we’d come get you?

tommy: ^^

but life360 says you’re at the burger king on 5th

minho: no that’s me LOOOL

y/n: NEWTTT ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

tommy: wtf

i’m the one who’s coming to get u

why does he get the credit

minho: no tommy you’re coming to get me

tommy: oh yippee i get to see my friend 🤗

newt: ewwwwww

y/n: EWWWWW

tommy: OH STOP IT

y/n: why burger king of all places min

minho: why drugs of all things y/n

gally: she’s not doing drugs are you guys fuckin insane

y/n: yes i am

it’s 10 mg of fluoxetine 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ONCE A DAY!!!!!!

IM ADDICTED

newt: no you aren’t, 10 mg is the smallest dose

minho: told y’all she was on drugs

y/n: ???????

minho: over the year

you’re too hyper to not be on some crack shit

tommy: oh stop that’s not nice.

newt: it’s not drugs like that minho stop.

tommy: uhoh he brought out the . at the end

y/n: it’s just for anxiety cuz i can’t leave the house without going into a breakdown

minho: she got acrophobia

told y’all she was mental

newt: what the fuck are you talking about

tommy: oh i know that word

fear of spiders 🕷️

minho: wtf no

fear of outside

y/n: i’m not afraid of outside

newt: that’s agoraphobia you fucking dumbass

y/n: 😍

i did NOT mean to send that lol oops

newt: ??

oh, okay

minho: when he’s a know it all 😍

when she’s agoraphobic 😍

y/n: when he’s at burger king on 5th because he has no food in his fridge and can only afford a $1.99 whopper with the coupons from the newspaper 😍😍😍😍

minho: 😒😑

newt: LMFAOOOO

GOOD THAT

minho: british people be so annoying

saying shit like gormless minger and good that be sooo real rn

newt: i have never said gormless minger in my whole 26 years of life.

y/n: you just did bro

newt: call me bro again

y/n: bro

brosive

brother

stepbro

minho: laughed until i saw the last msg :/

newt: 😑

y/n: ok youre the perverts

minho: cant you take your prozac and turn back to normal now

y/n: so you DO know what it is..

gally: wym 'back to normal' like there was smth before this??

y/n: real i been like this for life

tommy: i got whopper and two large fries and mozzarella sticks

newt: wow

y/n: wow just call him a fatass newt.

newt: i would never, stop

y/n: 2 large fries is kinda crazy tho

tommy: i have to get enough to share with my friend

minho

gally: surprised you have friends

tommy: yeah you are not one.

gally: RUDE?

y/n: WELL LMFAO

minho: i literally already ate also gally ur not my friend either

newt: same

alby: same

gally: well why tf am i in here

y/n: well you're my friend!

gally: great.

y/n: not with that attitude..

tommy: y/n you're ok though right??

y/n: yes tommy im fine sweetie

go eat your food

tommy: okay i wish you could share these fries with me

y/n: me too :(

minho: i don't

big back would eat em all

y/n: i actually hate you

__

newt

[ 11:45 am ]

newt: hey

y/n: hiii :D whats up??

newt: idk why but this feels like secretly texting you across the room at a party

y/n: actually tho

picture me giving u a look from across the room

newt: you would blow our cover immediately

i just wanted to let you know if you needed any like,, advice or something with your new medicine i'm here for you. i take the same stuff on top of lexapro

y/n: oh really?

newt: yeah i do

y/n: newt :( thank you

i am a bit nervous to start it tbh

newt: i understand, i was too

but hopefully it'll change things for the better

y/n: i hope so

i didn't realize you dealt with anxiety n stuff

newt: more than you know

you aren't the only one and you aren't alone w it

y/n: you're sweet newt, thank you

newt: don't mention it :))

sorry the smiley was creepy

y/n: lmao no i like it

if you need to talk or anything too i’m always here

newt: yeah?

y/n: of course ): you’re my pookie

newt: one day you gotta let go of that word lmao

y/n: but you love it tho

newt: you tell yourself that

actually are you free rn?

y/n: yeah! i’m just about home what’s up?

newt: i’m bored so pick up the phone

y/n: NEWT LMAO

ok fine 😒

[panic-in-the-multiverse]

Being Ahsoka Tano’s best friend would include

Pairings: Ahsoka Tano x reader

Imagine: being Obi-Wan’s padawan and Ahsoka’s best friend

Warnings: idk, Ahsoka leaving the order (I swear I can’t watch those episodes bc I cry every damn time, not because she’s leaving the order but bc she leaves people who care for her)

A/N I love Ahsoka and it’s a wonder I haven’t written anything for her before, but here I am writing for my fav girl so I hope someone out there will enjoy this <3

Becoming friends as soon as you both met, which was when you were still in training to become a padawan, which means you grew up with each other

You’d study with eachother

Hype eachother up if one of you is feeling sad or stressed, literally just helping eachother with emotions and anything in general

Ahsoka running to you filled with excitement to tell you she’s becoming a padawan and her master will be the one and only Anakin Skywalker

You doing the same to Ahsoka when you found out your master will be the one and only Obi-Wan Kenobi

Gossiping with each other

Getting in trouble together

Pranking people together with Fives, Waxer, Boil and a few others, you tried once to prank Cody, lesson learned you will never prank Cody again, he wasn’t to happy to have his helmet filled with blue and orange glitter (he still can find glitter to this day)

Obi-Wan now has to deal with three children (you, Anakin and Ahsoka) while Cody has to deal with more than five children (You, Obi-Wan, Anakin, Ahsoka, Rex, Waxer, Boil…)

Did I mention getting in trouble together

Being another headache for the Jedi council and those who tries to protect you both and those trying to keep you out of trouble

Training your lightsaber skills with each other, being an excellent match because you always end up even because by know you know every move the other will make

Calling each other names that you hate just for the fun of it

If anyone else were to call either you or Ahsoka those names you would both go into protective mood, no one gets to call you two that but you two

Always defending and protecting each other, if it is when you get in trouble with the council or when you fight for example General Grievous doesn’t matter

I hate to write it down but sadly I think I need too after all it is a big part of Ahsoka’s life. When Ahsoka gets accused of the bombing I believe you would 100% side with her, you’re best fiends siblings after all and you always have each others backs. You try to help her prove her innocence but it didn’t go exactly as planned. We all know what happens and so when she decided to leave you were heartbroken, you couldn’t care less about the order you only cared about Ahsoka. You knew it was what she wanted so you let her go but you were still sad over it, and selfishly tried to convince her to stay because you didn’t want to be without her, after all you were practically siblings and grew up with each other. In the end she told you it was for the best and that she didn’t trust the order anymore, she’d always trust you and she did try to keep in contact with you but it was hard with the ongoing war

Then comes the times in the order without Ahsoka, and if I’m being honest I think you would kinda mope around when you thought no one was looking becasue you missed your best friend so much, your bad days become even worse because you didn’t have Ahsoka to cheer you up, but you managed as did Ahsoka who missed you as much as you missed her

I believe Obi-Wan would do his best to comfort you even though he knew as well as you that it would never be the same as Ahsoka comforting you and cheering you up, but he did his best, and that’s all you could of asked for

Anakin and you probably talked about Ahsoka a lot with eachother or avoided the topic all together

However Plo Koon talked to you about Ahsoka all the time

Skip to Ahsoka coming back with Bo-Katan to save Mandalore from Maul (why does autocorrect keep wanting to change his name to Mail), you convinced your master to let you come with Ahsoka, and so a new adventure started for the two of you

Then there’s order 66 and you, Ahsoka and Rex barely escaped

You and Ahsoka stuck together after that never leaving each other sides scared you would lose eachother again let’s not forget you got frequent calls from Rex and Obi-Wan talked to you sometimes through the force (but not much he was in hiding after all and so were you)

[chaoticace2005]

My reactions to the first two hazbin episodes (spoilers)

Episode 1:

BIBLICALLY ACCURATE ANGELS

Lilith is a BAMF

SOMEWHAT FUNCTIONAL STAFF- Husk just D I E S

Alastor already hating on TV and having beef with vox- (vox autocorrected to box when I typed it which made me realize his name is literally “video box”)

Crack is expensive :/

The way Vaggie is acting is making me think she has experience with the angels before

Okay yeah Adam fucking SUCKS

Also angel and husk

It’s kinda interesting they’re making Charlie know angels are dicks right off the bat- like she doesn’t know if those fuckers have heart and she meets Adam who is…

Nifty is just… on crack

“You’re doing great vagina”

Adam’s just a sexist dick

Episode 2:

Val being a creep

“Oh nobody important”

THE PISS BABY

Velvette and Vox literally have custody over Val

FIZZBOT?!

Why does bro look so excited about the idea of angel quitting? Jealousy?

Al saying “tea”

Jesus fuck Alastor

Angel dust actually having feelings? I’m so excited for them to dive into this more (episode 4 I’m fucking excited for)

Fucking Val’s voicemail

THE BOYS ARE FIGHTING

ENRAGED VAGGIE AND ANGEL- LET ME SEE THEIR FULL DEMON FORMS

[r4inyclouds]

Hold on-...

CRAPPP, MY ARTWORK AUTOCORRECTED!!

How'd it even go from Bucky to Becky??

Sighhhh, guess I gotta live with it

"I am Jamie Becky Barnes, and you are apart of my efforts to make ammends."

(Or, otherwise known as, Jamie 'Becky' Rebecca Barnes, Becky Barnes, or, of course Becky)

I wanted to draw a beefy butch lesbian (bisexual?) leave me be and my growing amounts of genderswaps, I'm pansexual I SWEAR.

More for just some rambles:

Can't tell if I still like Bucky more. But like, UGHHHH, SHE'S ACTUALLY SUCH A NEED IM SORRY. But no, I guess they're equal? That's such a difficult decision. Idk just wanted to feed the lesbians looking for scraps and me I guess.

I shoved my head into the pillow and screamed because I decided to put this on my WhatsApp status and my dad replied "😍"... This is actual bullyin' at this point he's been blabberin' on about my Sebastian stan obsession since he accidentally found out apparently, and how I have 'good taste'...

Curse the neurodivergent adhd parents and their constant need to fester and see me suffer, pay your bills.

Sorry that went a little off topic. Ignore me, I'm just as bad.

Alright, name time! This name was probably discovered before since either so easy and simple but I feel accomplished for once, shush.

So, obviously, Becky from Bucky, just changin' a vowel, you know, the jist.

Jamie, from James, how lovely. I can't remember if Jamie is gender neutral or even from around the 40s nor do I care, I think... It does seem quite feminine to me though... now for personal reasons still questionin' the name. But. Eh.

Rebecca, from Becky. Not much to say on that.

Anyway, please tell me you can tell I love drawin' hair because I do; I would jork to it if I could. So hair? Hair, hair hair. With me, genderswapping is when you just make a character a different label that would fit the norm of that label, which is female, though, when you think about it if you were genderswapped, you'd still have the same mindset as the other version, you'd Identify more with that version and then therefore get dysphoria and act more masculine, maybe become male. I used to hate genderswaps because of that, but I was just thinking too much into it, so I'll have my fun. Anyway, tangent there, but what I was getting to is that I will make the hair longer for women genderswaps just to give the effect, no matter if it was already considered long. So, which is why She has the extremely long hair in Thunderbolts and Winter Soldier, because to men his hair was long, so to women her hair must also be long.

And I also just NEEDED to see her in a grown out pixie cut so tfaws was a great excuse to do that.

Anyway, stucky shipper, sambucky shipper... but I'm still quite not over stucky at all so I focus on them mostly, and honestly, I will draw them preferably my next post as both genderswapped because... NEED PLEASE BOOBA AAAAAAAHHHHHH.

[prismaticpichu]

🛼 🪐 🍬 🔪 🏜️🍦, please!

Wooooo! A whole vending machine of emojis! You got it, friendo! 💞

~

🛼 ~ describe your latest wip with five emojis

🐶 🐈‍⬛ 🧑‍🍳 😭 🫂

🪐 ~ name three good things going on in your life right now

1. This community/you fantastic folks! <3

2. Finally got the guts to ask two of my teachers for college recs; they both said yes! <333

3. Going to visit my grandma, aunt, and cousin over the weekend!! 💕 (+ missing two days of class xD)

🍬 ~ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Zack Fair looks so much better with adorable, flopping puppy bangs and I will not apologize shshshshhsjs (though I totally understand why people prefer his og/mature style)!

🔪 ~ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

“Google, what do books smell like?”

🏜️ ~ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Heck, I know it’s cliche, but the answer to that is any comment at all!! Knowing people read/took the time to share their thoughts on my work means more to me than I’ll ever be able to express!

Although I do love when folks also catch the little detials I love to lace into my fics as well! Gold stars for you!!!

🍦 ~ name three good things about a character you hate

“Hate” is a VERY strong word for my feeling towards canonical Angeal lmao, but ofc he has some silver lining!!

1. Name is extraordinarily funny for my phone to autocorrect

2. Had lots of fun with his boss fight in Modeoheim!

3. Fandom does an absolutely fantastic job giving this character love and life!!! Fandom Angeal for the win!! ✨

[rey-jake-therapist]

Elementary fandom vs other fandoms

A while ago I posted about Elementary after I watched a couple of episodes to say I didn't like it. I was just fresh out of watching the four seasons of the BBC Sherlock and it just didn't feel right, I didn't like it at all.

Finally, because I was too lazy to look for another show to watch, I kept watching and now, I'm at season 7 😅 Did my mind fundamentally change? Honestly, no. BBC Sherlock will always be superior to me, I don't care it's trendy to hate it now. I do like Elementary now, though. Sherlock and Joan (well especially Joan) have grown on me. I still think Elementary lacks originality, I find the structure of the episodes too rigid, there are way too many episodes, things in the global story I really don't like. The copaganda for example, urgh... There's a lot of screen time dedicated to the cops and how good and honest and united they are. There are some bad apples but we're really supposed to believe that they're *rare*.... And I love Marcus Bell and Captain Gregson but they're so smart you even wonder why they need Sherlock in the first place 😂 But there are things I really love too: Joan being more than a sidekick to Sherlock is one of them. She has agency, he trains her, respects her.... I must say, it's pleasant to see. Also I love seeing Sherlock being a mentor. That's what he should be, really...

Another thing this show did for me was to convince me to read the ACD canon books. I read a couple of them when I was a teen but I was more a Hector Poirot girlie - EDIT: damn autocorrect! his name's Hercule of course). I know for a fact that Elementary Sherlock is closer to the book that BBC Sherlock, and the show makes multiple references to the ACD canon but I'm unable to identify most of them, which probably influences my reaction to the show. I need to read the books and watch the show again :)

So, it's a fine detective show, a feel good show as well because the morals is always good, characters given a second chance when they mess up, bad guys punished as they should.... Johnny Lee Miller does a fine job at showing the character's complex personality, and his partnership with Lucy Liu is flawless :) They're just adorable together. They totally remind me of Mulder and Scully, but without the unbearable sexual tension, which is why I spent 6 seasons 1/2 being fine with the fact that they wouldn't end up together as a couple.

I wish I had known the fandom when the show was broadcasting, because I haven't heard of any fit of rage when Joan and Sherlock didn't become canon?? And yet lmao, at least 70% of their interactions is romance-coded. Like, if JohnLock shippers think they were baited, Sherlock and Joan shippers were baited much, much more. Seriously, there's even a declaration of LOVE. When Sherlock has to run away to London, Joan follows him there!! They're completely co-dependant, all their attempt to have romantic relationships with other people fail... At some point Joan needs to go her own way and Sherlock respect that.

They take care of each other, all the time. If one is in danger, the other becomes feral. Sherlock especially would do everything to protect Joan from getting harm, and surely so would she. There are so many moments that could be confused with jealousy/possessiveness, so many sweet speeches that probably made the shippers think, "no way this is platonic!" .

Not me, though, because I believe in platonic love, always did, and that's what Sherlock's story was always about: a strong, unbreakable bond between two people who love each other but don't need to have sex to feel or express it. I say they remind me of Mulder and Scully because in both cases, it didn't have to become a romance. I shipped Mulder and Scully, yes, but for years I was quite certain that they woud never become romantic and I was fine with that. What they had was already beautiful.

And frankly, Joan and Sherlock's friendship higlights everything that's wrong with Sherlock and John's in the BBC show. It's a balanced relationship! they didn't have to become a romance because they're a perfect friendship, but if they did it would be ok, because it would not be toxic. Joan never beat Sherlock up, for a start. She never slaps him, they never insult each other. Sherlock is sometimes a prick to her but he always comes around because he respects her a lot. There's nothing in their interactions that makes me think, "wow, if they were a couple that would be so fucked up!", while, sorry but I had this thought about John and Sherlock a dozen of times, especially during season 4 but even before that.

So if I'm not wrong and shippers were cool with the ending, well... kudos guys.

@tickldpnk8

[bizlybebo]

<SPOILERS FOR APOTHEOSIS EPISODE 2>

THEY START IN A TAVERN LMAOOO

Rumi is on the stage oh it's greattt!!!!

Rumi- "You! Do you know how to play the viola?" POINTS A FUCKING PETER

DONT PEER PRESSURE THIS WET RAG OF A MAN INTO PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT ON STAGE

RUMI STOP BULLYING HIM XD

"I'm sorry I don't know why he did this" Stop apologising.

Nevermind maybe do apologise that was awful

Don't sing hot cross buns over his narration

Rumi STOP dragging this poor boy around!

Oh yeah I get what you mean, he is sobbing over a surface level compliment

"I'm sorry noone has ever asked me that" YOUR NAME????"

I have visions of you" that does not have the implications you think it does (retrospect, that was probably intentional)

I can't imagine the players are anything except entirely baffled by Peter

I love Peter he's such A dork

I love Rumi he's so cool

"I was more like a meat puppet in sort of a play of destruction" boyyyy

Rumi is bestieeee he's great

"We just joined hands" SIR

"I have litterally never done anything"

"This is the best day ever" You sopping wet tissue paper boy

I THINK RUMI IS GETTING LIKE FOLLOWERS TO GET POWER TO HELP PEOPLE THATS SO COOL!!!!!

PETER YOU ELDRICH DIVINE HORROR

ANGELIC LIZARD OMG <<<3333

"I run into a tree" Charlie stop physically abusing your characters they deserve better

"Goddamit you're a murderer"

"Stand behind me"

"No stand behind me"

"No stand behind me"

"No I'll protect you"

"I would like to sense anything holy"Just both of Them

Peter Sqloint, the most holy man

Oh shit PvP

TASHAS HIDEOUS LAUGHTER TO MAKE HIM LAUGH LMAO

"You can't just magically make me laugh" He litterally can though

Peter for being Peer Pressured

"Rumi this guy kinda sucks :<"

"I steal his viola and play hot cross buns"

I am suffering /pos

Hes so genuine

All of the other JRWI characters take note, THIS IS how you do a speech

Peter: 🧍

As the nothing moves across the nothing XD

LIZARD 💜💜💜💜

Peter be like: not me, actually my super cool all powerful OC

"You look super aggressive sometimes please don't kill me, I'll die, I'll just die

Summons sword epically and musically

SUNNYYYY AAAAAAAAJSHSHSHD 💜

Exandroth my beloathed

"Peter is GONE" well bring him back maybe?Archangel sounds are the worst

"Don't lecture me on morals"

"THERES A WOLF ON MY LEGGGG >M<"

"YES PETER YOUR BLOOD IS NOW SPIDERS""

Your [blah blah blah] will be your end/downfall/undoing"

Okay so it's not just me right? Rumi is incredibly Gay

Woughhhhh

Lizard Log

(These are gonna take a while because Tumblr eats the formatting from my notes app, also if there are random words that cut off a sentence and don't make sense, autocorrect is a bitch)

RAGHHHHH RUMII AND PETERRRR I LOVE TJEMMMM THEY WERE SO <3333 FROM THEE STARTTT

i can’t wait to watch peters development because you can already see how he’s getting stronger + more confident in himself even by episode 6 aughuguguh. going from crying when rumi asks him his name to bashfully accepting compliments who cheered (me)

rumi is SO gay. i aspire to be like him he’s so fucking gender. but also a suave motherfucker i hate them so much. i want to shake them like a maraca and hear them go shkshkshkshk

RRRGGHH JUST THE. THE EBERYTHING AND THE WAY THANATOS GOT IJTRODUCED TO THE PARTY I LOVE TJEM SOO MUCHH AUGGH

rumis so fucking graceful even in combat it makes me angry. who let this asshole be so perfect

if peter doesn’t get his lizard log by the end of apotheosis then it’s all for nothing istg

[rowavolo]

hi were you aware you are the FUNNIEST person on my dashboard by the way? i haven’t thought about pfps or them of me (I AM NOW THINKING ABOUT BOTH HOWEVER) but i do have a full list of my contacts of them ! i have gone into detail about my reasoning and also cannot stop talking about these guys so this ask is likely 3 miles long. anyway

the one gc with a solid name is “sweet tooth,” with barbatos, luke, n i. based on ‘sweet tooth’ and the fact that i feel my ability to bake would SKYROCKET if i had their numbers. there’s one with lucifer and dia that’s essentially just the ship name and whether or not they realize the significance beyond just “oh it’s our names” is constantly up in the air.

lucifer — ‘COLOGNE(?!)’ to ‘inkwell’. he 100% has a very distinctive cologne, i know you can tell him apart in a dark room. he uses fountain pens for official documents still (a mishap has been caused where one of his bottles spilled over his suit)(don’t ask)(satan may or may not have been involved) and at some point the name had to change. i also just think it’s a sweet nickname.

mammon — ‘monopoly man’ to ‘anklet haver’. his pants are never short enough to see it but he always manages to wear one. it’s like a shiny jumpscare. the first time i saw it it sparked a half hour discussion and the consequential contact change. he was only mildly upset (they don’t have monopoly)(he didn’t know what it meant outside of maybe ‘monopolizing time’ which is the cause of his problem with it)(stop fussing this isn’t some declaration i’ll never spend time with you again)(his contact for me after this is probably ‘anklet.’ he insists it’s because of like manacles cause “you’re always botherin me” but nobody buys it)

levi — ‘levi-fi’ to ‘jean main :/‘ after i put genshin in yet another media because he got lucky one time and it has become his entire genshin career. i like to think he’s biased towards turn-based strategies, stuff with very obvious and clear cut metas, so he probably didn’t pick up genshin (he does know a few characters and their surface lore, owns an acrylic stand of like keqing maybe, but nothing in depth) until i brought it up. i need to talk w him for hours about lore it would be good for my mental health

satan — sebastian, at first. autocorrect from a poorly written attempt at his name that stuck. he gets confused because ‘that’s not my name, and it’s not a joke, so why is it my contact?’ and after explaining it we both start to periodically change the other’s contact to be something further and further away from their name each time. think of the barnacle codswallop joke but taken to the extreme because it’s him and i’m me and we both quietly one up each other by sending screenshots of the new contact.

asmo — cycles ‘PINK(IE)’ and ‘dni after 10pm’. both are self explanatory and said affectionately. he gets mock offended whenever it’s the second one (“is my contact set to dni” “yeah” “so you hate me?” “asmo.”) and changes the heart in my contact (you know there is one) to a 💔 every time he notices. he doesn’t fix it until i, direct quote, “kiss it better.” despite his phrasing it typically is just his excuse to take me to a cafe for a while or something

beel — ‘chef gordon’ to ‘nokia brick.’ can he cook? yes. does he? not often, he’d rather eat the raw ingredients. was just brick but it was soon discovered he can navigate the most complicated uis to order his lunch but he has no idea how to like. change his brightness. it doesn’t bother him so he never looked it up.

belphie — ‘totally not suspicious’ to ‘pillow princess’ change after an invisible arc that the devs didn’t decide to show where [i devolve into an irritated blur about chapter 16]

luke — macaro(o?)n. i still forget which ones which. i think it would be fun to call him so he’d have to explain it out of his Baker Pride or something. he feels like the type to send you 10 links to various cooking sources if you ask “how do i make scrambled eggs” because he doesn’t know which one you mean.

simeon — golden bunny. bunny is autocorrect from ‘bonnie,’ logic is angel -> michael -> william. sidenote but he’d either get so startled at jumpscares or he’d be completely stonefaced and both are hilarious outcomes. levi is very conflicted about this (can’t criticize him, he’d die, but also very confused about the situation)

barbatos — barbie girl 💞💞💞. self explanatory. this one starts fights sometimes (/silly)

diavolo — ‘princiPAL’ to ‘dewdrop’ after a friendship arc. no justification i just think it’s cute and fits him :]

barbatos naming his close contacts after tea is brilliant and i am stealing it. if you’d like to use this ask to share your headcanons about their little mannerisms pretty please feel free to share!!! id love to hear them :]

- blue !

WAAAAH thank you i do enjoy making people smile/laugh . also thank you for this ask being so long its been so delightful to read over :D sorry my reply is going to be about the same length because im so AWWAAWWAAWAAA over your ideas honestly

sweet tooth is SUCH a fun group chat name . yall better make sure to share those sweets with me okay /silly

also subtly not-so-subtly shipping diavolo and lucifer to their faces is so funny. i feel like lucifer would Know but he doesnt want to admit that he knows or bring it up at all in case it makes dia uncomfy sdkfjhkds

i really like those lucifer ideas. he definitely wears a very distinctive cologne . the only thing i can liken it to (to me at least) is the way gin feels going down your throat, but like . in smell form instead, if that makes sense?? and inkwell is so fitting but simultaneously i feel like hed be Cross over it (but only on a surface level. if somebody else notices it he gets all grumpy but as long as its just you hes cool with it)

im losing my mind at the idea of mammon wearing an anklet . when i first read the nickname my brain immediately went to those house arrest anklets people wear. like, lucifer putting one on him because mamms is a mischievous little guy. HIM BEING HTE MONOPOLY MAN IS SO FUNNY TO ME ACTUALLY . you know he always insists on being the banker when you introduce everyone to the game and skims cash off the top, citing "interest" and "handling fees" and the like.

YEAH yeah in my brain i want levi to be into genshin but i think hes kind of blase about playing it regularly. he plays the occasional event and will hyperfixate on it once every few months and catch up, and also log in to spend all his money on characters he thinks are Neat (or that he's read are going to be the New Amazing Awesome Cool OverPowered Meta Guys) . he seems like an enjoyer of all the most 'typical' genshin characters, like keqing, ganyu, ayaka, raiden shogun and kokomi . like thats the extent for him sjdkhkjsd

i love the imagery of satan initially being Mildly Annoyed and Confused but the moment he's let in on the joke he's fully on board. i feel like he's that way with a lot of things, he just loathes being excluded and doesn't know how to word it so he gets snippy or even just downright mad. i could also see satan assigning haikus to peoples contact descriptions that get increasingly more ridiculous as he comes up with them.

Asmo's are so fun and silly too, i feel like he gets so grumpy if you message him too late or too early so the DNI is totally warranted but hes SUUUCH a bad sport about it . he WILL whine about it to an absurd extent. i can totally see him having hearts in almost everyone's contact name but he has this whole dictionary in his brain of the different heart emojis and their meanings . (i was gonna say something about yours being blue (because of the nickname you chose) but honestly i associate you with more of a minty green ?? not sure why. its a compliment though!) i just love asmo being SUCH a drama queen but like you know that he knows that you dont actually hate him and arent mad at him he just plays it up, its like an intricate game of cat and mouse to him. he plays the damsel in distress and you have to go save him from the evil dragon ( the fake villainous version of you that he basically made up for the funny)

IM REALLY OBSESSED WITH BEEL BEING NOKIA BRICK. THERES SOMETHING SO AMUSING ABOUT THAT TO ME. i read it initially more in the sense that he can take anything that's thrown at him (or that he gets thrown at) without a scratch . man can eat all kinds of weird nasty food without even BLINKING. the idea that he can hardly use technology simply because he doesnt really Care is also very amusing to me. hes the epitome of "damn bitch you live like this?" because he just doesnt care to learn about the things that he doesnt feel are necessary (a complete opposite to belphie, who must have everything Just Right or else he goes bonkers insane. beel will learn to do things for belphies sake i think).

Belphie is so pillow princess coded honestly, youre so right. i do not blame you for being irritated about chapter 16 it is so. its so. it is. yep. like. sorry solmare these characters are mine now ill develop them good and also not flanderise them so its okay.

ok i think macaroons are the chewy ones, and macarons are the meringue ones. i love luke so much i feel like he's a chronic over-explainer like. you ask him where a place is and he's like "oh its in this place thats sort of near this other place, do you remember when we did (xyz)? yeah its kinda adjacent to there but also not really. the building next to it is this colour and sometimes they have a sign outside oh but also sometimes they dont so its like... yeah." and you find out its like the biggest building on the main street and its just like . "dude why didnt you just say that" and he just shrugs because he genuinely didnt think about it in that way . hes a very visual thinker and he has to explain every little detail forever or else he loses his little mind (yes im projecting no i dont take constructive criticism )

calling barbatos barbie and barbie girl genuinely always SLAUGHTERS me its so so funny . come on barbie lets go party <3 . i feel like the best solution to that starting fights is to mention it to diavolo who will then be Ecstatic at the realisation because he loves barbie and suddenly he will ONLY call barbatos 'barbie' and oh boy you have opened pandora's box there barbs would NOT be happy sjkhfks

princiPAL made me giggle a lot its so silly and fun. dewdrop is also an ADORABLE name for him he is soooo dewdrop coded to me . i feel like dia loves the first one especially because he loves goofy puns and also knowing that people think of him in like a friendly light. he aches to be approachable and friendlike as opposed to a Distant Unapproachable Demon King Grr Scary

thank you so much again for sharing all of this with me, it was so so fun to read and respond to i feel like we are So on the same wavelength about a lot of things and its really delighting me :D

[cowboy-like-moony]

Fucking hate the epidemic tiktok has caused with their stupid formatting, first instagram reels- who asked for a feature where you can see tiktoks a month later on instagram? But after everyone was annoyed by those stupid reels, of course they had to infect YouTube as well and even Pinterest! The worst thing is how addicting this shit is and I don't have instagram or tiktok anymore (because it's toxic and again ADDICTITING) so now I always click on those stupid YouTube shorts and oh how I hate them, I could deal with the people randomly harrasing others on the street for cloud with dumb questions and with stupid reddit story times that cut of in the middle because the audio is from different video and the creator posting this video didn't bother to put a part two, but why is YouTube so desperate to convert me to the right? YouTube what's your agenda? And yeah we all should expose ourselves to diffrent views and break out of our echo chambers blah blah blah. I like my bubble and I am still exposed to many diffrent views and critical discussions, I truly don't need videos of people going "but if penis then how girl??" and they always have the most brain dead "arguments" (if you can even call them that) and act like it's the biggest gotcha moment in history, like was I supposed to have a takeaway from this besides seeing that you're stupid and can't formulate a single argument that actually works? I just don't understand why I keep seeing them? I don't even engage with them anymore, even tho I want to explain to them why their arguments don't work so badly. And I don't think my algorithm suggests that I'd somehow be interested in just getting bombarded with transphobia, misogyny and racism (not a lot of homophobia actually, so yayy). I truly believe my life would be so much better if I never saw Ben Shakiras face ever again (autocorrect made his last name this and I can't be bothered to look up how his actual last name is spelled, so he's just called Ben Shakira now, he seems like the kind of person who calls people by the wrong name and by wrong name I mean dead name, so I can call him whatever I want and he doesn't get to be "sensitive" about it). It's also not like I'm getting leftist content beyond the content that makes sense with what I view anyway. And I've talked to other people who've gotten the same right wing propaganda. Why does YouTube want a generation of n*zis so badly? This is pissing me of so much

[crazy56u]

Okay, shopping cart accident to one side, I’m home now. Let’s go.

Tonight, on a very special “Quantum Leap”, we remind you that 2012 was about 11 years ago.

Oh fucking God, Party Rock Anthem…

Okay, it looked like Ben punched her to the floor.

“You love basketball.” Interesting time to pint that out.

“Ben, call it a hunch, but I think you have to save basketball.”

“Amanda, if you don’t rest your ankle, I’m banning you from basketball.”

You didn’t have to cue Party Rock Anthem back up, guys…

Gia should’ve done a Space Jam, but she got the job done regardless.

Now Ben, as you can tell, you are not leaping yet, so welcome to the long haul.

Ah, we’re getting right into the transphobia, delightful.

“And she’s your daughter.” She just called Ben “Dad”, no fucking shit.

I too sadly stare at high school trophies when confronted with dickhead teenagers yelling at my daughter.

In-fighting amongst the team, and Ben being scolded by the principal for having his trans daughter play basketball, we are starting off on a cheery fucking note…

“Look, my daughter can fucking grow a new ankle all I fucking care, you are the asshole here, not me!”

Calling it: In 8 years time, Amanda’s mom becomes a full blown Karen. I can technically say that since “Karen” didn’t enter the public consciousness until 2020, she doesn’t count yet in 2012.

Well, I commend Gia for trying to make light of a shit situation.

Also, dollars to donuts the principal was the one to make her use the janitor’s closet as a changing room.

Why the fuck would they use a real helicopter for “Miss Saigon”? You remember what happened with “Twilight Zone: The Movie”, right?

Ben already changed history, neat.

So, Ben has to make sure Gia has to not run away, got it. How many transphobes does he need to beat up to make this happen? Can that be the episode?

Moral of the Story: Being an ally is for scrubs, being an accomplice gets shit done.

Why am I convinced this bar is in Texas?

Also, is Janis still at the Project, or was she allowed to leave after saying a name?

Dottie, you are clearly lying about not knowing Ben, why are you lying to Ernie Hudson?

Dottie is such a sick-ass poet, the government hates her. That’s awesome.

So, while Ben is fighting transphobia in 2012, Magic and Jenn are attending a poetry slam in Not Texas.

March 13th, the scariest March. So, watch as it turns out that day was actually super bad for Dottie, and I become an asshole.

“Management here is sus.” Among Us has done a lot of fucking damage to society.

[My phone wanted to autocorrect “damage” to “Sam anger”, just FYI.]

If only “Angry Birds” was still a good game in 2023…

“I can’t believe you put her in the game without giving me a head’s up first!” It was the last 30 seconds, and Amanda had a shit ankle, stop trying to make Ben the bad guy here!

“Don’t make me the enemy, I’m already doing that to you!”

Okay, I count that as confirmation of my “Amanda’s mom becomes a Karen” theory.

I think you need to block that number, ma’am.

“I-I didn’t think-” “That’s right. You didn’t think.” Ma’am, remember how you told Ben to not make you the enemy? Yeah, that’s a two-way street.

Ma’am, I am willing to bet Gia’s going to regionals, I hope you are prepared for that.

I love how Ben indirectly asked “Why couldn’t this episode just be basketball?”

“They banned trans people in the military?” Oh, I wish to fucking God they were allowed to directly shit on Trump here…

“The point is, we saw it coming, and we[…] didn’t say anything.” A tale as old as time.

I love it when my wholesome time travel show openly admits it wants to fix the bullshit of 2017, but can’t yet.

“[soft cheerful music]” is not a caption this episode deserves.

I love how the episode is blatantly making this a wholesome family moment to set the audience up for more bullshit at that car wash. I saw the trailer.

I fucking felt myself die hearing Ben say “Swag”. Certain things were left behind in the 2010s for a fucking reason.

And now there’s a debate between Twilight and Hunger Games. I am fucking old.

“Bella is totally useless without Edward or Jacob.” Show, I did not fucking sign up for debates about the lore of Twilight, stop this.

“Who needs The Hunger Games if you got high school, am I right?” Mic drop.

And now the episode enters hardcore “This is the fucking moral” mode.

Nothing like a dance party to make life better.

Okay, legitimate question: How much of this speech was written, and how much of this is ad-libbed from personal experience?

Okay, time for the fun car wash scene set to Carly Rae Jepson, clearly things will not get bad!

Oh goody, Amanda’s mom is also here, I already do not have high hopes!

[Fun fact: I dabbled in car washing as a kid one summer. That lasted only a week; when I tried washing my sister’s car, she got annoyed that I didn’t do a good job, and when she tried doing it herself, she sprayed me in the face with the hose out of anger. That’s why I don’t wash cars anymore.]

“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s tonal whiplash, I guess sorry, maybe.”

Ohhhhhhh, I hope that wasn’t the principal’s car…

…so, of course it was actually Amanda’s mom’s car…

Ben is getting fed up with this mom, and I agree with him.

Boy, I already know what the principal has in mind for “protecting girl’s basketball”, and I already am mad.

Ben is legitimately knocking some skulls to protect Gia. Father of the year.

“Okay, let me tell you a story. It’s about me.”

“Dad, I bet it sucked for Ben Song…” “You don’t know the fucking half of it.”

“And every time I smell Febreze-“ Holy fucking tonal shift, Batman.

“She called it loneliness, but I called it toast.” …you were having a stroke?

Magic is having a religious experience in this poetry slam.

I love how she didn’t even say a name, and yet Amanda’s mom instantly owned up to being the complainer. No fucking subtlety.

Amanda, why are trying to be cordial at this point, your mom is currently making shit worse, and both you and Gia know this.

Okay, fuck it. She’s a full-blown Karen now. The evolution is complete.

Please, please let her slap the shit out of Amanda’s mom…

Amanda, there is only one reason why you would say it would be different. You know that, right?

I love how the principal has just decided to cowtow to Amanda’s bitch-ass mom.

I now really fucking hate the principal. Way to fucking go, you made shit worse!

And now Gia’s going to run away! Good job all around!

“This isn’t my first runaway kid, let me tell you about an earthquake in ‘89 sometime.”

Maybe basketball will help fix everything…

Look, Gia, if it makes you feel better, there’s a decent chance karma is going to bite Principal Kruger and Amanda’s mom both in the ass hard.

“Why don’t you grownups figure out how to make school safe for everyone?!” Gia? Hi. I’m from 2023. We’re still waiting for that question to be answered…

Ben has indirectly said the principal can go fuck herself.

Okay, cool, Amanda has decided to stop giving a shit about her mom.

“You’re really going to put your job on the line for this stunt?” “Go fuck yourself, ma’am, I’m fucking Ben Song.”

“What exactly do you think you’re going to achieve with this?” “Well, ma’am, I think we’re about to go to regionals.” I honest to God wish Ben flipped her off after saying that. You know for a fact he wanted to.

Okay, time for the most important game of basketball all episode.

The only cheaters I see are all the assholes holding up the shitty fucking signs trying to psyche Gia out.

That was Ben’s “Remember the Titans” speech.

I love how everyone at the Project is getting in on the action.

And Ian goes into the Imaging Chamber.

“Look, the principal wanted me to make you pull your daughter, but I ain’t her fucking lackey. Instead, I just want to tell you good luck, we’re all counting on you.”

Yeah, get fucked, society, the Union saves the day yet again!

Annnnnnd I was wondering when Katy Perry would poke her head into the door…

I love how Ben leapt there.

Meanwhile, back at the poetry slam.

“Dottie, you got Quantum Leaped.”

So, I guess Ian’s the secret leaper.

Meanwhile, Hell’s Kitchen.

“Awesome! I get to be a cook! Nothing bad can happen!”

[On an unrelated note, the promo revealed that the next episode involves the restaurant burning down that same day.]

All in all, I am now doubly upset I couldn’t watch this live. And that’s not even factoring in there’s another three week gap.

Also, my pet theory is that Principal Kroger gets sacked soon after that game.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

AYO MODEL ERA MIRA?? CONGRATS!!! Hmu if you ever make one of those subscriptions like Chris Prince I’ll come to your meet and greet (don’t scam me) LMAO

the get possessed part actually has me sending the process is insane LOL im just imagining you getting into the zone like “mmm yes I love flirting with women I am that top dog im a super sexy defender yes that’s me”

IM CRYING THE SHOE THREAT??? Thats literally Barou just throwing the shit Nagi and chigiri left around the floor back in their faces it matches him sm….shoeliver is truly the best duo name ykw is funny when I first typed liver it autocorrected to lover (even though liver is a word….) LMAO truly meant to be

HAAH snuffy the only responsible adult so real no it’s ok mikages stubble grew into that full beard from stress and aging dw abt it yk when you get to the wedding arc you should design wedding invitation graphics (if you want LOL) I bet they’d go hard

STOPP I lowk forgot Nagi’s the love interest for a second uuhbdjsns no swerving no swerving…..but slightly sweaty rolled up sleeves Karasu….but REAL AEGISLASH TAKE ME TOO SHSHSH

Barou’s too underrated people are missing out on his potential omg (and I’m not even talking about in soccer LOL)

Wait speaking of how far are you from 1k rn I lowk forgot…just trying to see the odds of that pokemon event coming true if so I’m fr going to start brushing up

FR what’s worst is the people I see theorycrafting and analyzing saying Nagi’s gonna get kicked out and I’m like are we reading the same series here??? Like GUYS cmon let’s use our brains a little please I’m begging…..I’m crying “I forgot I liked chigiri” LAMOSAOSK yeah it does suck though because a big majority of his fans feminize him like crazy (esp when they ship him with Kunigami and turn him into a damsel in distress) yeah I think the move is just stay away from the crazy twitter side of the fandom LOL

IM GONE THE SPONGEBOB LFMAOAO stop the Barou edits go too hard wtf…but NO PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING LMAOO I appreciate all the content and lowk my fyp lost its way I don’t get much bllk there as I used to so I need this

DHSHSHS FR bro “can I say something controversial” and it’s just straight facts because people are fr just setting themselves up for disaster and like doomposting like guys cmon…..as if we didn’t all survive whatever the hell was going on in jjk s2 animation too (some scenes were so bare bones but we all lived)

SWOLE ERA Barou would be proud first it’s the graphic now this LMAOA out of curiosity what’s your go to routine?

- Karasu anon

YESS MODEL ERA INDEED dw if i do become famous i’ll be like yukimiya and expose scams not create them like chris prince 🤩 jkjk it’s really not for anything huge HAHA so no fame or scamming for me quite yet…tbh i only applied on a whim (i happened to have the photos they required for the application on hand [one of then was my linkedin pfp though icl] so i was like why not) ngl i was surprised when they emailed me back and told me they added me to their book but yk yolo!! might as well try it and see what the vibes are

HELPPP repeating my aiku affirmations while i work on the oaeu…“i am a rizz lord…i hate italian people…women want me fish fear me…i’m the goat” HAHA have to get in the mindset fr

shoeliver my magnum opus number one bllk ship name number one duo etc etc no one can compare!! PLEASEE barou is so mom coded it makes sense i can def see him threatening to throw his shoes at his kids nagi zantetsu chigiri when they’re being annoying/misbehaving HAHAHA

wait wedding invitation graphics would actually go crazy i don’t even think either wedding is ever shown in the epilogue (because of all of the time skipping) but maybe a side story of snuffy just dealing with everyone’s messes at either the tullireo or nagiy/n wedding might be in order sprinkled amongst the epilogue chapters 🤔 either that or i’ll make barou funeral invites but that’s more morbid…

AEGISLASH PLEASE ASSIST KARASU ANON AND I IN GOING ON A DOUBLE DATE W (still alive not possessed) BAROU AND KARASU POKÉMON AU VERSION 😭🙏🏻 nah because the visual is insane karasu’s face card is too lethal…reader’s crazy for not falling in love with him immediately ‼️ like girl you don’t even meet your actual man for an entire arc you’re telling me you don’t have the teensiest crush on karasu until nagi arrives in all of his lazy pajama wearing glory??? /j (mostly abt nagi wearing pajamas he’s a little better than that) nah but me personally the moment i see him taking care of his little baby birds i’m folding LMAOOO karasu with his fletchling would genuinely cause me to malfunction (wait imagine tullia gets him to babysit the pokémon she breeds when he has free time so his alternate clothing style is him in a white t shirt [so we can see his glorious biceps] jeans and a green apron with the black falconer’s gloves as usual and we just get a scene of him walking around bottle feeding a baby pokémon while talking on the phone about official gym business HFJSKSJD i fear i need him)

nah because barou is too underrated for what he brings to the table!! hoping we see a rise in barou nation after s2 as well although if not we’ll def see his non-dude bro fanbase (because lbr all dude bros love barou) expand after nel is animated he looks GORGEOUS in the game against bm!!

i’m like 60ish followers away but randomly the number will go down so i could not tell you how long it’ll take before i reach 1k 😭 i also might post the event a bit early just so people can be prepared for it HAHAHA we’ll see if i even do pokémon!! maybe i’ll end up with smth different who knows i’m very indecisive unfortunately so i probably won’t know until the last minute what i’m going to do

when people think nagi will leave the manga and be kicked out for good i’m like ah yes the character with his own spin-off is definitely the one they’re axing HAHAAH nagi + rin + barou are the only ones besides isagi that i can say for sure will be relevant until the end just because of the nature of their dynamics w isagi and the way their characters are written 😭 NAH BECAUSE I STAY FORGETTING CHIGIRI HIMSELF IS ACTUALLY COOL he can’t help his stans yassifying him/using him as an excuse to hate on other characters…wait also this is a pet peeve of mine but whenever people call chigiri a princess unironically i’m like 😟🤨 because i am 100% sure that the other blue lockers do NOT mean it as a compliment necessarily LMAOAOA like chigiri straight up gets mad when people who aren’t his friends/close teammates call him princess/missy (depending on the translation) i’m pretty sure it’s meant to be an embarrassing/teasing nickname not a nice one (karasu and otoya using it should be MORE than enough proof for that theory)…chigiri official arts have set the fandom back one million years they overly yassfiy him bro is simply NOT like that in the source material!!

THE SPONGEBOB HAD ME CRYINGGG lowkey what if i said me though 🤔 jkjk…unless??? OKAY YAYYY I WILL KEEP SENDING YOU SILLY LINKS AND EDITS HEHEHE today i will offer you a nagi + chigiri edit because it feels thematically appropriate to the convo LMAOO

no because people fr have such rose colored nostalgia tinted glass bruh jjk s2 was lowkey really bad at times too?? truly bllk is not as horrible as everyone is making it seem it honestly in terms of coloring and art style alone has a lot of depth and vibrancy and life i think people need to relax a bit like this isn’t violet evergarden things will not be perfect and that’s okay!! it’ll still be fun if you go into it just to enjoy it for what it is

LMAOO i’ve been going to the gym for a while but i never lift heavy enough to get swole i will leave that for my bfs 🤩 i start off on the treadmill for anywhere from 10-30 minutes depending on what i’m doing…if it’s an answering asks on the treadmill kind of day i’ll go at the 6 incline at a 2.5-3mph pace until i’m done clearing my inbox (usually 30ish mins plus or minus 5) and if it’s a day when i just want to be in and out i do a 15 incline at a 3mph pace for 10-15 mins!! after that i lift weights but nothing crazy/above 50lbs 😭 i’m not trying to be jacked so i’m not trying really hard to hit a PR as long as i feel like i worked out!! some of my fav exercises w weights are squats, romanian deadlifts, and the lateral pull-down machine!! after lifting i’ll do yoga to stretch out the muscles i used that day 😄 i go to the gym like twice a week and then horse riding once a week so i work out in a dedicated way only 3x per week and the rest of my steps come from walking around in general HAHA

[xoteajays]

I hate autocorrect.. Always changing words that I never said before at all. And don't get me started on names, curse words, any words that's changed. Like I can respect that it could spellcheck if you spelled any words wrong, but it's different when words are completely changed.

But that makes more sense now.

Anyway.

Spiders don't bother me. Actually.. Like how most people would get a lot of bugs in their houses like ants, cockroaches and silverfishes. The bugs were get are usually spiders, crickets and I think there even may have been a spricket one time too. So we've seen spiders in or around my house. If they don't bother me (or my dog), I don't bother spiders.

Well.. If the animal and insect pictures you want to show me, have not a single thing to do with them eating other animals because I just never want to see that. Then I might not really mind seeing pictures.

Rhino beetles? Are rhino beetles the same beetles you see in Japan? I know they have beetles there.. And something use beetles for betting reasons. Like Daruma does with animals and insects in their business anyway, you'll see the scenes whenever you watch the movies again.

Grubs look like maggots.

Moths are a butterfly's gothic relative. You can't change my mind on a thought like this. And I'm so fine with the gothic and preppy relatives.

I've seen some mantises.. And I have to say that female mantises may be more violent than female spiders. These women know what's up.

~

Exactly! Black cats are a sign of good luck in most cultures. In Asia, in Europe... But for some reason black cats are bad luck in the American culture. That's stupid. If I ever get a cat, if I got a one solid colored cat at all, the cat has to be a black cat. Or an unusual chimera furred cat.

If Rocky and his girlfriend are opposites attract in the whole yin, yang and balance reasons. If they have pets (that don't shed), I could really see them having two pets. A black pet and a white pet. Like one black cat and one white cat, a black dog and a white dog. Opposites attract with the yin and yang concept. I keep seeing videos of pets like that.

But I don't know much about superstitions though.. But Asian culture (and really any culture) has a lot of bizarre superstitions. Like you said before, I know there is superstitions about things like clipping nails or how chopsticks are. Any superstitions I know are in shows or movies.. Unless I actually research about superstitions, which is not that often.

I have question. If we're only talking about characters in H&L, for now at least, who do you think would be attracted to a witchy type of girl?

Like.. Not an actual witch in the sense of magic. Witch in the sense of style. A witchy aesthetic to her style, like her fashion and decorations.

~

In America, the state I live in has every season. Well... Obviously. Most seasons happen. But, in the state we live in, our weather is constantly changing all the time - sunny, rainy, stormy, whatever weather we are having changes. So we get to experience every temperature and even weather. And I actually have conflicted feelings about that experience too.. I should be used to it by now since I've always lived in this state.

So the hot seasons are definitely hot, cold seasons are definitely cold.

Definitely an experience to live through... And this is why I never leave my house. I have air conditioning for hot seasons, also many blankets that I keep compulsively buying (for aesthetics) for cold seasons too.

I don't trust apps. Because I come from a family of people who would be involved in military and law enforcement, I was always raised on to trust sites like dating sites (and most sites in general).. And especially because of my size. People are overly protective over me for that very reason. So I kinda live a 'sheltered' life to some extent. And besides all of that, I would so need to actually have a conversation with someone to figure out if I do have a connection with someone. Any chemistries if there is chemistry between me and the other person, I don't know if I ever had chemistry with someone now that I think about it. Being an autistic person, I know that I keep saying that, but I can only connect with people if we have things in common. Like you and I.. I'd probably never talk to you if we didn't have some things in common if I'm very honest. And we do have our fair share of common grounds when we'd have our conversations for the most part. That I know of. So there is a part of me that may want a relationship similar to a friendship. Since I wouldn't waste my time with someone if we have nothing in common at all. So that's something in a relationship I'd probably want to them.. At least one quality type of relationship if and when I would have with someone. And also someone who's loyal, someone who never cheats.

I might have high standards about everything, including relationships too. But my 'high standards', 'high expectations', are common sense a lot of the time too. I don't know why people always complain about it.

No one in your family knows you're a lesbian? I can't comment.. Since I know everyone would act and react different in these situations. So I can't tell you that you should tell your parents. I'm not good at advice.

~

Even though I have mixed feelings about my mother, she's always the type who goes "mama bear" on people if they say or do anything that would be threatening to her. But she's also a very overbearing mother too. Y'know.. Her mothering is so smothering. That's how she is about me since I was born. But she has no problems ruining someone's lives if they said or did something to me she doesn't like. She's always very overly protective of me. A trait of hers that I mixed feelings about too.

Oh. That makes more sense. Like I've said... I've never traveled before so I don't where most people travel to - that is not Disney amusement park. I never had any interest going to Disneyland. And I'd never had a chance to travel out of the country for vacation.. Maybe out of state if I was on a school trip. But never been on any real vacations though so I don't know where people travel to. Actually I do have some people in my family that travel to countries, but they're (kind of) snobby pricks.

~

How many episode does this season have? Or series? Since I actually know if this would be a one season series.. Like a limited series being only one season. So it seems like anything could happen by the finale right now, unless you did somehow figure out the ending before then.

Oh! How you seen It Follows? And have you watched any Masters Of Horror episodes yet? I'm not rushing you since I know you don't have much time to watch anything. But if you do still have a chance to just watch the show. There is different stories in the show. Gory, thriller or psychological horrors. Sometimes sci-fi horror if aliens are involved in stories. And you never have to watch the episodes in order either. So.. There's that shows. And to answer your questions. I do know that The Blair Witch Project is the original found footage movie. And I hate this movie so much, I don't know why people seem to like the movie at all.

The Sadness might be too gory for you. The Terrifier seems to me too gross.. Not scary, but more creepy. Gross doesn't equal scary for me.

Maybe? I've only seen the movie once. And from what I've seen of the trailer for #Alive.. The movies are exactly the same, just with different actors. I never realized that it was a remake until after I've watched it.

If I do decide to watch #Alive... I'm not rushing into watching it at this very moment. There are plenty of horror shows and movies that I just watch before that movie, if I watch that movie. So I won't be bored.

And I don't know how much anime you watch... But there is also more than plenty of horror anime to watch. That's some entertainment too.

~

Obviously you know I can't stay on one topic. Why do you think I have more than one topic in my conversations? I would get bored so easily if there was only one topic at a time. Actually.. Conversation on media has been different than in real life conversations. Because if I do have conversations in real life, I could only talk about one topic at a time so I don't get confused skipping around on topics. My communication is different for me over in real life and on technology. I don't know why.

- ����

autocorrect turned fuck into duck all the time and i just. I DONT EVEN TALK ABOUT DUCKS THAT OFTEN! BUT IM SURE AS FUCK SAYING FUCK OFTEN!!

definitely not eating other animals pics. the snake was just chilling in my mum’s frangipani tree. we also had another one in out garage.

slightly different species. japan has their own rhino beetle and australia has the ‘common rhino beetle’. it’s australia’s largest beetle!

the grubs do, but they’re also fuckin MASSIVE! totally huge ass grubs.

~

if we’re talking h&l characters, i could maybe see hyuga or cobra being into that particular aesthetic. rocky’s probably into any aesthetic tho really.

~

there’s like no seasons where i live. it’s just hot all year round except for like, a week or two of barely-cold winter. the rainy season is usually at the start of the year, around feb, but it’ll be so humid. i’ve always wanted to experience a true winter. like with snow and stuff.

i had a couple dating apps for a little while, but i hate taking pictures of myself and i cant start conversations myself and i’m pretty bad at replying to messages most times. so it’s not really easy for me.

no one in my family knows i’m gay. i’m like, publicly out to friends and stuff, but not to my family.

~

i love my mother, but we’re very different people. but we’re also pretty similar. it’s just a bit of a struggle. i know she wants what’s best for me, but she doesn’t get how hard it is for me and that i can’t just do the things she thinks should be easy. she’s at least admitted that it’s difficult for her to relate to me because when she was my age, she was married and had two kids.

i’ve been out of australia three times now. to thailand, new zealand, and fiji. i’ve always wanted to travel more, but it’s a bit hard to do alone. idk how so many young people do it by themselves, i’d be too paranoid about something going wrong. my dad, mum, and brother went to disneyland once when i was a baby because they won a trip in a competition. i’m still a lil jealous.

~

there’ll be 12 episodes total. idk if there’ll be a second season, but i guess it depends on how the ending goes. maybe they’ll leave it open to a second season. i certainly wouldn’t mind seeing more ha joon obvi.

haven’t watched any masters of horror eps yet, but i have seen it follows. i thought i was a lil boring from what i remember.

the terrifier movies are kinda sucky. i thought they’d be better but they really just lean heavy on the gore factor and not a whole lot of story. like people call the saw movies ‘torture p0rn’, but at least they’re always running a plot, even if not necessarily a good one.

i don’t watch a lot of anime, but i’ve started zom100 (so i can watch the live action), and have deadman wonderland, happy sugar life, darwin’s game, high rise invasion, death note, and vampire in the garden on my watchlist. i have others but those are the more horror type ones.

i watched the corpse party anime back in high school, and kakegurui and higurashi when they cry recently. i started shiki too but i haven’t gotten back into it.

[pterodactylterrace]

So you really don’t understand that hearing it from someone else makes it secondhand. He did not witness it himself. I was explaining to you that hearing it from his spies makes it secondhand as he did not witness it himself.

Love how we go straight to “must be a misogynist”. Is it really that hard to keep it about the fictional story? I’m simply stating facts. There have been 0 records of a woman taking multiple husbands. This is referenced in GOT. I’m not being a misogynist. I’m stating a fact. Saera was ultimately sent to the silent sisters for that very remark.

Why should I have just one husband? The Conqueror had two wives, and Maegor had six or eight.” She had gone too far. Jaehaerys rose to his feet and descended from the Iron Throne, his face a mask of rage. “You would compare yourself to Maegor? Is that who you aspire to be?” His Grace had heard enough. “Take her back to her bedchamber,” he told his guards, “and keep her there until I send for her again.”

So I’m gonna go ahead and say her suggesting to take multiple spouses like Maegor was an overall bad decision, and ultimately never happened.

I gave you a solid example of Daemon not caring about what Jace says. Steamrolled him. Just like he will to get his sons on the throne after him.

When did I say he hated Luke? Canonically it’s spelled with a k, by the way. Would you like the quote? He doesn’t have to hate Luke to want him out of the way. He loves Rhaenyra yes? He fucking choked her. That’s what he does to someone he loves. It’s not a stretch to infer Daemon would have orchestrated some accident. Viserys jokes about this in the show. I don’t recall anyone saying Daemon wouldn’t do it. Just that no one was saying that.

I’ll go ahead and quote the book as far as blood and cheese is concerned.

Though Blood and Cheese had spared her life, Queen Helaena cannot be said to have survived that fateful dusk. Afterward she would not eat, nor bathe, nor leave her chambers, and she could no longer stand to look upon her son Maelor, knowing that she had named him to die.

It is canonical that Helaena only survived in a physical sense. She was left a shell of a woman. Death felt like an improvement to her. I’m not making things up for funsies. I’m telling you how it is described in the book. Why are you saying I’m calling Daemon a dragon dreamer for explaining how it is described in the book? Maybe in GRRM’s mind Daemon was a dragon dreamer, but he didn’t want to Mary sue him, so he didn’t state it outright.

Idk what to tell you. I was too lazy to scroll up and copy and paste; autocorrect got the best of me. I made sure to use copy and paste for every quote this time. Scouts honor! ☺️

So by mentioning blood and cheese I was giving you an act Daemon was too cowardly to do himself. He knew the keep as well as cheese. Enough to know it was possible at least. But he was too cowardly to do it himself, so he had someone else do it? I mean… you just kind of proved my point. Daemon believed Helaena and her children needed to be taken care of. He was too cowardly to do it himself. He sent two thugs to do it while he was at Harrenhal.

Cheeky little tags! I’m living in your head rent free. I’m sorry. That sounds horrible. I honestly forgot you existed until you decided to go read more of my stuff.

Sorry I mentioned things that happened in the show. I thought it was agreed upon that the book is inaccurate history from unreliable sources and that is why the show doesn’t have to follow the book to the letter. They can add things, change things, make things up and it is still cannon because we are watching what actually happened without unreliable narrative. If it’s strictly about the history book, then you probably should have picked up on the direct references. I may not like Daemon, but I’m giving you direct reasons as to why I came to my conclusions. It does say something that you attributed it up to me doing mental gymnastics when it’s just relaying the information from the book and giving my opinion on the given information. Blink twice if you need help.

B&C and Helaena discourse is on a rise and yall know that's my roman empire so i WILL be giving my two cents (for the thousandth time😼)

First off, B&C

I see a lot of people claiming B&C was the Greens fault, but when you take a second to think you will see that nothing the Greens did as a whole caused B&C. It simply would not have happened if Aemond (1 singular green) had not killed Lucerys for taking his eye. (i believe this excuse comes more from a "well you reap what you sow this is what you get for usurping rhaenyra" mindset rather than thinking ALL the greens are directly to blame for B&C but whatevs) People argue it was Aegon's fault, too, because he celebrated Luke's death with a feast, but that's actually a headcanon. F&B states Aegon celebrated Luke's death, but it skips over any offense it caused Rhaenyra and Daemon. It only says that after learning of Luke's DEATH (not the feast) Daemon sends a letter telling Rhaenyra Luke would be avenged. It was not the feast it was the boy's death that led to B&C.

People also have been saying B&C was necessary and it simply wasn't. Jaehaerys was entirely unrelated to any issue regarding Luke, therefore it wasn't even really avenging him. Luke wasn't actually avenged until Aemond (his killer) died. B&C was not necessary to avenge Luke—it was more of an intimidation tactic on Daemon's behalf.

As for Helaena, people are saying she should've taken her kids, flown to Dragonstone, and bent the knee as per Rhaenyra's peace terms.

That's kind of just dumb lol. Rhaenyra's terms were not individual, she wanted ALL of her siblings to go to her and bend the knee, not just one. If Helaena went to Dragonstone by herself, Aegon would still be Rhaenyra's enemy. Helaena and her children, Aegon's heirs, would become high profile hostages.

Also, Helaena is the queen of the Green Faction. She was crowned by Alicent alongside Aegon. Nothing in F&B implies she's NOT in support of Aegon. If anything, she's passive. She councils him against his stupidity, but that doesn't mean she's a secret supporter of Rhaenyra.

The Greens also happen to be her closest family. Her mom and brothers—people she grew up with. If I remember correctly, she used to visit Alicent in the Tower of the Hand with her children every night. She and Aegon shared a bed until her son was killed. She was described as a happy girl, and if she was miserable, she still clearly held love for her family.

Rhaenyra, however, is a stranger to her. Not just a stranger, but also someone that would mock her mother and her siblings at court.

She had no reason to go to Rhaenyra when the war began.

People are also quite weird about the topic of her suicide, but seeing as suicide is a real issue in a way that usurping, sending assassins after a child, and feeding a boy to a dragon are NOT I won't address that. You are weird if you be laughing about suicide tho ngl.

FINAL PSA: A lot of yall like to go "I love Helaena, she so sweet and gentle and innocent and kind and cute and she's the only green I love BUT..." Yall dont like Helaena and yall CAN admit it. She's a fictional character you dont have to pretend to like her just because you have a moral superiority complex.

[omenics]

[𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄]’𝐒 𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐗 , the overblot gang + kalim, malleus, & epel.

..in which [name] has peak music taste. gn reader. — i am falling back into metal and its amazing so ofc [name] HAS to like it too 😊 however im falling down the spiritbox hole again so itll rlly just be based on that

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS.

little man is insulted that youd listen to metal

i dont see him listening to it at all

hes like my nonna who physically recoils when she hears it

anyways say ur phone magically came to twst with you and all of ur playlists are still there so boom

play whitechapel and he explodes. bro goes off with ur head for the whole year and you walk with SHAME

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR.

bro probably listens to deftones

i can see him listening to deftones

this is my hc

but is deftones metal 🤨 idk man it says its alternative metal so yeag

you can probably play any music on the aux and he wouldnt mind i think?? but i see him hating country because me too leona

but if you dont look like the type of person who listens to metal (bc me too) then hes like damn alr

if he did tho i think hed like whitechapel idk but i donr see him liking death metal or just vv heavy stuff

THIS IS TURNING JNTO WHAT BANDA SOME CHARACTERS WOULD LIKE INSTEAD OF THEM EITHER HATING OR LOVING THE MUSIC HELP ME

AZUL ASHENGROTTO.

a man of class who doesnt listen to metal but respects it bc hes like the only one here who would most likely know it takes talent

stan azul bc i do

no but hed probably enjoy the 1.5 songs that dont involve the screaming or growling, so probably hickory creek from whitechapel or constance by spiritbox yk

anyways azul does not like it but bro wont make u do the walk of shame bc of it like RIDDLE

idk what else to put but i can see him liking a little bit of ghost…. because i do… a lot… and i like azul.. a lot…

next character now bc idk what to put

KALIM AL-ASIM.

hes probably the one to ask what music you listen to lets be real

like ‘oh hey [name] what type of music do you like? :)’ probably expecting pop or indie or whatever but nah bro u like metal… and he like oh ok

doesnt matter what kind just metal

he would also not like it bc yeah but hed also think its cool i think

hes honest abt it too 😭 ‘oh sorry [name] i dont like it that much but its cool’ because its kalim <3

no but seriously i cant think of a band hed like tbh

JAMIL VIPER.

do u know how much i was struggling to type his last name like good lord. it went from biper to bipee to vipee and to viper… like elaria…. thats so easy… stop

the consequences of having autocorrect off

moving on i don’t necessarily see him listening to metal

maybe deftones too… or ghost… but like .0005 of their songs… just yk… imo…

anyways wouldnt care at all what music u listen to

just is like alr and goes back to whatever

we stan jamil. get yourself a jamil. why? BC I NEES ONE AND NO ONE I KNOW IRL LISTENS TO METAL OR DEATH METAL OR ANYTHING AND WHEN I PLAY IT THEY YELL AT ME AND ACT LIKE I COMMITTED MURDER

its rough out here guys

VIL SCHOENHEIT.

youre done for

you are literally not allowed 100 meters around him

the MINUTE you play any sort of band classified as metal you are condemned to hell

i know for a FACT he would hate metal because

its fucking metal and its vil what do u expect him to listen to slaughter to prevail and go around moshing??? no. no u dont. becaus ehe wouldnt.

he does not tolerate metal at all. ghost? no. slipknot? absolutely not. whitechapel? why dont u go worship the devil (do they have an equivalent to the devil in twst idk) while ur at it because vil schoenheit in all his glory hates metal.

EPEL FELMIER.

metalhead epel would be canon but we all know he listens to country

lets be real tho hed listen to it to spite vil

maybe… maybe… u can make him listen to it… and hed maybe like it… and youll have a metal music buddy…

honestlt just say ‘vil doesnt like metal’ and hes probably blasting infant annihilator bc i think its funny

other than that epel does not care for metal. however hes probably like one of the others who doesnt care if u play it

i mean i can see him listening to avatar?? specifically black waters and the eagle has landed… but black waters mainly

idk because i have not written for epel before and i haven’t played the pomefiore chapter in a month so i dont remember lol

IDIA SHROUD.

lets be real bro listens to indie

a mitski fan. cries to nobody every night. he does not touch the metal genre.

anyways im gonna say this and hes a metalhead isnt he

oyher than that he has control of the aux BECAUSE HE DOESNT LEAVE HIS FUCKING ROOM. HOW WILL HE HAVE AN OPINION ON METAL WHEN HE DOES NOT LET ANYONE PLAY ANYTHING BC HE CANT BE BOTHERED TO GO TOUCH SOME GRASS HUH??????

i am an IDIA HATER. IDIA SHROUD ANTI. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT I KIN HIM.

other than that only listens to indie of lofi idc what anyone else says im right.

MALLEUS DRACONIA.

the average classical music enjoyer

i believe he enjoys classical music or no music at all however bc its malleus everyone thinks he listens to a band that is called smth like DEATH BLOOD MAGIC INFANT KILLER GRAVE ROBBER ZOMBIE DICK but he just would listen to classical music because i said so

this poor man is dubbed a metalhead while he probably doesnt even know one sub-genre of metal

this poor guy cant catch a break

its okay malleus. you are the only one here who has peak music taste and thats okay

[miekasa]

any spare levi headcanons tonight????? 😁😁😁😁

Sure, why not, he is the love of my life after all. These are pretty random, and fit in some sort of generalized modern boyfriend au. Hopelessly domestic, as that is the nature of nearly everything I write for Levi, anyway. Also still terribly obsessed with the idea of him with a motorcycle, so there’s that.

He owns at least six black blazers. They’re nearly identical; slight differences in texture and cut, one with lapels, one that’s boldly all leather that you swear you’ve never seen him wear. They’re kind of his go-to staple, other than a sweater.

That being said, he doesn’t exclusively wear all black. His closet leans towards more neutrals, sure, but he’s not allergic to color. You might not catch him wearing neon orange on the average day, but he’s not averse to a nice shade of green, any shade of purple that suits his mood, even a softer pink.

He has towels and rags he sets aside especially for you when he comes over. He always washes them and put them back in place when you leave so that they’re ready to go for next time.

Claims to not have any attachment to the shows/dramas you watch, but he’s totally backseat watching. Halfway into every single series, he starts sitting down when you turn it on, and scoffs at dumb decisions the characters make.

He splurged on one of those frame TVs that look like a painting when they’re idle. It was a good investment in his opinion.

He doesn’t hate Starbucks drinks—there’s worse things out there in terms of quality of tea. What he despises about the establishment is the way they call out names for you to pick up your order. He’s learned that mobile order ahead is the way to go.

Has slippers for around the house, so consequently, you have slippers for walking around his house. He keeps both pairs (and a few extra for friends and guests) tucked neatly beside the door for easy access; yours always go next to his.

Does not understand the purpose of a robe. Buy him one tho and he will suddenly find an excuse to wear it: making breakfast, lounging around watching TV, doing some light cleaning and dusting. It’s comfy, alright, he can admit that much.

The little puppy you got him that he swore he was not going to warm up to now gets the royal treatment. The best doggie goods and treats, top rated shampoos, cutest drying towels, even a miniature couch he constructed just for the pup. They’re best friends, there’s no breaking that bond now.

Speaking of the puppy, affectionately named Captain, Levi can be found walking him every day shortly after work. They have a few different routes, but they always pass by the local vendors/market, who enthusiastically anticipate their appearance every day. Some of the older ladies running stands have even taken to bringing a few treats with them for Captain—after bundling up some goods for Levi, too, of course.

Captain also has a special doggy backpack Levi uses for when he’s on his motorcycle. If you follow anybody on TikTok in his area, you’re bound to see at least one video of the pup while Levi’s out riding. He’s become viral on social media without even knowing it.

(When you show him a video someone posted of him and Captain with well over 100k likes, and a million views, he only rolled his eyes. But remembers that particularly day; remembers the folks had a kid who politely asked to pet the dog, so he let him. He also maybe asks you to send the link to him).

On the subject of the motorcycle, there was a good few weeks he wouldn’t let you on it. Always found an excuse, a smart reply that was punctuated with gentle push on your forehead and calling you too clumsy for it. Later, you found out it’s because he’d ordered you a helmet; didn’t want to risk you riding without one.

He always keeps it in the storage compartment should he make a stop to pick you up while he’s riding; and he usually wears at least two layers to have a spare to wrap you in before you get on.

When he cooks, he always makes sure there’s enough for leftovers and/or to give you some later. He also bakes frequently, and at least once a week, he stops by with some kind of treat for you—“Trying out a new recipe, let me know if you think it’s missing anything.”

On the subject of food, he won’t police what you eat to annoying extent; he knows that not everybody has the time or will to make pasta from scratch like he does. But, he will smack your wrist if you consider ordering fast food when you’re over at this place. Give him 30 minutes and a single pan, he’ll make something much better than whatever you can find on Uber Eats.

Really, though, he doesn’t mean to obnoxious about the homemade food thing, it’s more habit for him. Growing up, he had to learn to be resourceful, so buying fast-food isn’t ever at the forefront of his mind. Cooking for you also turns out to be something somewhat intimate that he enjoys, so just let him.

Once bought an Apple Watch because he liked the look of them, it wasn’t insanely expensive like other high end watches, and it could connect to his other devices, so why not? A week later he returned it, the ping of his notifications were in one too many places for his liking.

You tried to convince him to keep it—“At least for when you’re jogging! It can track your activity and calories!”—but he clicks his teeth. He’ll survive without keeping track of them.

He learned the hard way that jogging with Captain is no good. His legs are too tiny and Levi ended up carrying the puppy the entire time. Captain is more of a walk dog… or ride on the back of his bike dog.

If you changed anything in his phone settings—like the ringtone for you contact, or the sound his keyboard makes—he wouldn’t go back in and try to figure out how to reset it. Unless it was something obnoxious, like adding an autocorrect shortcut to say something lewd.

He doesn’t really listen to music when he’s just walking. When he’s on a run, that’s fine, but he somewhat prefers to just… hear the environment around him when he’s on a stroll or a break from work. The only reason he’d have headphones on in public is to take a phone call, but even then, he’d prefer to wait until he’s somewhere more private.

He likes having you over at his apartment and has contemplated asking you to move in. He doesn’t want to rush anything, though, so he’s content with your sleepovers for now. (Though he really cannot fathom that you call them “sleepovers” like you’re 14. Please).

He speaks to his mother at least once a week, and she always asks about you. Levi tells her that you’re fine, gives her small updates about you, but Kuchel really just wants to know when the wedding is. He pretends to be busy whenever she starts asking and conveniently ends the call.

Occasionally, he’ll stop by and take you out for lunch. Depends on how much time he has during the day for himself, but he always enjoys sharing a meal with you.

Whenever you’re out with your friends drinking, Levi will pick you up. Even if you already told him that you’d Uber home; as soon as you text him that you’re going to leave soon, he’s already on his way.

He makes pretty good cocktails himself. Teases you for running his alcohol supply dry when the truth is he has more of your favorites in his cabinet than his own. He secretly likes the way you flirt with him when you’re tipsy.

You don’t always cuddle on top of each other when you sleep together. You can just lay by each other and that’s enough; but sometimes, you catch Levi turning towards you in his sleep, reaching for your hand. His body seems to search for yours subconsciously, and you swear there’s a hint of a smile on his sleeping face when you put your hand within reach.

Do not try to pay for dinner when you’re out with him. He’ll pull the “I’m going to use the restroom” move and pay the bill behind your back if he needs to. Open your own doors, maybe; pull out your own chairs, sure if you want; but not this.

He flosses very diligently every night. Mostly because he fucking hates the dentist, so if he takes the extra steps and is extra careful with his teeth, he doesn’t have to go as often, right?—Wrong, it’s the one time the roles are reversed, and you and Hange have to wrestle him into the doctor’s office.

On the flip side, if there are any doctors you routinely avoid and/or forget to schedule check ups for, fear not, because Levi will do it for you. He’ll drive you there, too—the only caveat being, that he usually doesn’t tell you where you’re going until you’re almost there. You think he’s doing the mysterious man surprise date thing and then boom, he’s pulling up to the ophthalmologist. Good luck.

He’s purchased a physical, paper copy of the news on every one of your anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions. He keeps them all neatly tucked away in a drawer. Sometimes, he looks back on them—sees what was happening in the world around you on that day. Maybe someday he’ll cut them up and bind them together in a book for you.

He doesn’t like having headphones in when you’re home with him, and preferred if you didn’t either—unless it was for work or school. He welcomes you to use his speakers and play your music aloud; he likes listening to what you listen to. If you look closely, you can catch him humming along or tapping his foot when he really likes a song.

Saves pictures you send him in an album in his camera roll. Occasionally can be found scrolling through them—particularly if you’ve been away on a trip, or he hasn’t gotten the chance to see you because of conflicting schedules.

He takes relatively short showers and doesn’t have a strong preference for the water temperature, so he lets you shower first. Unless you want him to join you, of course.

It’s not hard to tell when Levi wants you. He becomes noticeably more touchy, even if that margin isn’t too wide by anyone else’s standards; and he rarely tries to hide it. It only happens in the privacy of your apartments; but he’ll come on to you—leaning a bit further into conversations, a hand on your knee, a kind of cloudy look in his eyes.

Sometimes he forgoes the attempts at being subtle, just kisses you out the blue, carefully backs you up against the wall, puts his hands on your hips. He can be awfully direct when given the opportunity.

[dear-galileo]

you spin me right around

modern au!geraskier, written for the @thepassifloradiscord fic and art swap!

8.5k words, mature

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“I am going to learn magic,” Jaskier declared into his phone. Triss, on the other end, made a noise of surprise. 

“Really? What brought this on? Oh, I can recommend you to one of my professors-”

“I am going to learn magic, and curse Valdo fucking Marx so that whenever he goes to sing, his dick gets smaller.”

“Is that his middle name?” Triss asked. Jaskier paused, already lost in a conversation that he had started. “Fucking? Valdo Fucking Marx? I can’t tell if his parents had great confidence in him, or simply hated him.”

“I’ve made the word cuck in my phone autocorrect to Valdo.” 

“I can’t imagine how often you text the word cuck.” 

“No, but it’s quicker to type that than Valdo Fucking Marx.” Jaskier said easily. Triss laughed, before composing herself. 

“Why are you cursing him? Or should I say, what did he do today?” 

“He’s into painting .” Jaskier revealed dramatically. He was currently walking through one of the many courtyards of Oxenfurt University. Having spent the past two years at this school studying music previously had granted Jaskier zero shame regarding freshmen overhearing his phone conversations. Let them be entertained, lord knows they need it. 

“He’s-” Triss hesitated on the other side of the phone. He could imagine her sitting at her desk in her dorm, twirling a pencil in one hand, her phone in the other. “He’s into painting? Isn’t that a good thing, since he would drop out of your music classes?”

“No.” Jaskier corrected. “He’s into painting alongside his music- he’s making art to represent his songs.” Triss hummed, and Jaskier could tell from the tone that she wasn’t getting the full picture. “Not only has he stolen three of my songs from freshman year and mangled them with his bloody fucking [__], but he’s making toddler-level finger paintings based off of them.” 

“I might need photographic evidence of these.” Triss said. 

“Already sent one to you. It looked like he shat himself on top of a canvas and called it art. I couldn’t bear to stand around and listen to his lecture on what it represented, so I got out when I could.” 

Triss’s laughter echoed through the phone as she checked the photo. “Dear Gods,” she said, putting the phone back to her ear. “That is truly terrible. But how is this magic worthy?” 

“He’s trying to one up me! I bet you he overheard that I am going for that internship at the record studio, and is trying to beat me out.”

“How would bad artwork help him in that case?” 

Jaskier threw up one of his arms, even though Triss couldn’t see him. A freshman with an overloaded backpack stared at him as she walked by. 

“Fucked if I know! But I refuse to let this slide by, I’ve got to do something.” Triss groaned. 

“No, every time you say you’ve got to do something, you end up doing something ridiculous that very much does not need to be done,” she complained. “And half the time you drag me into it.” 

“How many times must I apologize for setting you up on that fake date with him? I didn’t know he was going to spend the entire two hours at the movie talking.”

“You can stop apologizing when I can smell movie theater popcorn without cringing. He tried to hand feed me popcorn , Jask, that’s not something that one could easily forget. He has sweaty hands.”

“Which is why you were never sent on another spy mission- in fact, I gave up the spy missions sophomore year. That’s growth!” 

“If I didn’t know how much you genuinely hated this man, I would say just fuck him and get it over with,” Triss said with a barely suppressed sigh. This was a discussion that they have had before. 

“Getting back to the point-”

“Oh, goody, there’s a point,” Triss said dryly. Jaskier gasped loudly into the phone, just to get his feelings of betrayal across. 

“Rude! You are spending too much time with Yen. She’s a bad influence.” 

“I actually think that she would help you with the penis shrinking spell, if you gave her a good enough reason to.” 

Jaskier considered this for a moment, but Yen still scared him, even after half a year of her dating Triss, his best friend. 

“No, okay. I have to find another medium, and be better at it than Valdo is.”

“You are going to make shitty paintings?” Triss asked. There was movement on her side of the phone. “Oh- Yen’s here, I’m putting you on speaker.”

“Is he complaining about that greasy fuck again?” Yen’s voice distantly said. 

“Yes! He is!” Jaskier called. Yen’s scoff could have been a general one, or because of Jaskier talking about himself in the third person, it was too hard to tell through the phone. “Listen, so I can’t get into painting, a, because that’s too obvious, I would be blatantly stealing his idea, and b, that’s stupid.” 

“I doubt Valdo owns the market to making paintings based off of songs,” Triss started to say. 

“Hush, my lovely beautiful friend,” Jaskier cut her off. “I was going to try wood carving, but then I remembered the last time I held a knife in the kitchen, I managed to nearly chop off my entire hand, so that’s out. That means ice sculptures are out as well. Perhaps sandcastles?”

“We live nowhere near a beach.” Triss reminded him. Jaskier cursed, scowling. He was on his way across campus, back to his car to get to work, so he didn’t have the time to run back to his apartment to scavenge through his closet of abandoned crafts.

“I have an idea,” Yennefer said, suddenly very close to the phone. “Pottery.”

“Like the art of weed?” Jaskier asked, before remembering he was speaking to a very powerful mage who could create a portal to him to smack him, if she so wanted. Thankfully, Yen chose to ignore the joke. 

“Sculpting with clay. I have an old friend who runs a pottery studio in town. They do open house nights every week, where people can try to make their own pieces.” 

“It’s not a castle made out of fine sediment, but that might still do the trick.” Jaskier declared. “Triss, please kiss your lovely girlfriend for me as a thank you.”

“Please do not give me a kiss from Jaskier,” Yen said to Triss. “Is your problem solved? May I spend time with Triss now?” 

Jaskier made kissy noises into the phone until Yen got the point and hung up. A few minutes later, a text from Triss with an address and a name came through. It was just downtown, and thankfully not too far from his apartment. The name provided was Geralt, which the website unhelpfully gave no more information about. 

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