#why does it have to be about my autism all of a sudden

[mariusaurus]

was riverdaleposting on my finsta a while back and my gf replied saying something about “do you have anyone to talk to about this? is that something you need?” and i have honestly never felt more cared for in my life like ?? you understand my need to talk about these things?? and you’re making sure that need is being met?? which is not only so considerate but helps me reframe my investment in my interests from something negative or compulsive to something normal and necessary to my self-regulation? wtf?

[chuuyaa-nakaharaa]

Really, Dazai?? Sigh

Yeah sure. Even as an ugly creature I'd still love you and whatever.

*rolling on the floor, groaning.*

— @dazaii-osamuu

Not again.. Get up you idiot!

[dykeiism]

whenever i see people talking about the purpose of mental health diagnoses, three reasons usually come up:

to encourage self-understanding

to concisely describe treatment options to professionals

to gain access to resources and accomodations

but it's hard for me to agree with any of these. given the harm associated with diagnosis, especially diagnosis of a personality disorder, i'm finding it increasingly difficult to justify diagnosing any mental disorder at all. below the cut is a breakdown of each of these three reasons, and why i believe that none of them hold up to criticism.

(1) to encourage self-understanding.

diagnostic criteria are so rigid that they discourage self-understanding. they fragment the human experience, categorizing it into easily digestible groups of "symptoms" rather than understanding a person's struggles holistically. this is why we have a phenomenon of people thinking, "well, my anxiety tells me this, but my depression tells me that" and "i'm having an intrusive thought but can't tell if it's coming from my ocd, ptsd, or bpd." diagnosis misleads patients into believing that, much like one might cough due to either pollen in the lungs or a respiratory illness, one might feel anxious due to either their generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis or their post-traumatic stress disorder diagnosis. a more accurate understanding of the human mind would necessarily involve doing away with the pathology of gad versus ptsd, and instead being able to understand that the anxiety might simply result from a combination of previous negative experiences, a naturally sensitive personality, and underdeveloped emotion regulation skills. a diagnosis is a description of a pattern of thoughts and behaviours; nothing more. my mental health conditions don't cause me to think or behave a certain way. rather, my thoughts and behaviours are similar to the thoughts and behaviours of other people who have also been deemed mentally sick. this makes it possible for doctors to use a certain diagnosis as a shorthand to describe my personality and skills (i refuse to call such things "symptoms") to other doctors. it does not mean that i have a sickness that causes me to think and act in certain way.

why would i want to understand myself through the lens of a psychiatrist, anyways? psychiatry is a deeply individual solution to systemic problems. we're living in a world that evolution could not prepare us for, yet we are told that there's something wrong with our brains if we're unable to adapt to these unprecedented living conditions. i refuse to believe that my brain is sick unless somebody has looked at my brain and can tell me where the sickness is. we must not forget that we're dealing with the discipline that understood homosexuality and hysteria as mental illnesses, and that initially understood autism to be a form of schizophrenia.

(2) to concisely describe treatment options to professionals

imagine, if you will, someone with post-traumatic stress disorder. all you know about them is that they have ptsd. now, recommend a treatment method for them!

nobody can give a good treatment recommendation based on that diagnosis alone. more information is needed: is the patient dealing with persistent general anxiety, sudden panic attacks, or a phobia? does the patient have compulsions? is the patient aggressive, anxious, or depressive? depending on the answers, the ideal treatment plan will be quite different.

now let's consider borderline personality disorder. there are 4 types of bpd and there are 256 possible ways to combine the 5 symptoms required for diagnosis (there are 9 symptoms in total). the personalities, cognitive abilities, and struggles of people diagnosed with bpd are quite diverse, and they will all require varying types and degrees of professional intervention. that being said, bpd is almost always treated with dbt and a few medication options including antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, and anticonvulsants. there are so many other disorders that are treated with dbt and the same drugs. so why make bpd, bipolar, ptsd, cptsd, and depression their own diagnoses? what reason is there, other than to fragment our struggles and generate stigma?

my wish for the future of psychiatry is that, instead of being diagnosed with a disorder that is simultaneously very specific yet inexplicably vague, patients will be told "your struggles are related to trauma and emotional dysregulation. i recommend that you take an antidepressant and attend dialectical behavioural therapy sessions," or "your struggles are related to catastrophization and unhelpful behaviours, i recommend that you engage in cognitive behavioural therapy."

(3) to gain access to resources and accommodations

there are better ways to do this. i don't think anyone should be turned away from the accommodations that they need. however, if resources are scarce and must be gatekept, then a simple interview or quotient test will be sufficient in determining the level of need.

[crowbasils]

What do you think about autistic Basil headcanon?

I made a post about this, I relate to him a lot and I see a lot of his behavioral patterns in me.

YES. i see it!! and i’ve been meaning to talk about the possibility of basil being autistic for quite a while, so, i’ll talk about it here. it’s harder to see it in comparison to sunny’s since he’s most likely masking (which sunny doesn’t really do), but it’s still there!!

(this tweet will kinda be a mess, since it’s not like an analysis analysis. if i’m wrong, please do correct me!)

according to the nhs (https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/signs/children/) signs of autism in older children include:

- not seeming to understand what others are thinking or feeling

- unusual speech, such as repeating phrases and talking ‘at’ others

- liking a strict daily routine and getting very upset if it changes

- having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities

- getting very upset if you ask them to do something

- finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on their own

- taking things very literally – for example, they may not understand phrases like "break a leg"

- finding it hard to say how they feel

from what we know about him & from what the duet cutscene says, he was alone for most of his life before meeting the friend group. he also has a line (though said by headspace basil) about this! while that may not necessarily be a sign of autism, it’s what he says next that stands out to me.

“you’ve all taught me so much… how to care for others and how to care for myself too!”

that specific line stands out to me because of how it tells us that basil wasn’t always as caring and cheery as he was as a 12 year old. he learned from his friends—through experience with them, and through observation.

he’s also implied to have a hard time making friends. other than aubrey (who he likely met later in his life rather than in early childhood like sunny and kel), he had no friends before that. how awkward he is in the cutscene where aubrey introduces him to her new-found friend group also implies that he hasn’t had experience with friends. (he also looks like he’s somewhat ‘copying’ aubrey’s smile, just in a more awkward way)

basil most likely has difficulty when it comes to identifying feelings—specifically ones he hasn’t experienced himself. such as the fear of spiders. he doesn’t seem to get that others can fear spiders due to how he doesn’t fear spiders and sees them as a positive instead.

(icon can’t be seen due to my bad internet, but it’s headspace basil. a lot of the headspace basil lines in blackspace and omori route help when it comes to understanding his character better. stranger’s lines help as well :3)

(it should be noted, though, that otherwise, he’s good at reading sunny specifically. may not be a sign of it on itself, but taking into consideration that sunny is also likely autistic, it might be. both of them understand each other despite their childhood different experiences due to it.)

he’s also… pretty bad at articulating and identifying feelings.

“…but the words don’t come out.”

“i don’t know if i should apologize”

“but why does part of of me still cling on?”

the feeling of not knowing if you should apologize or not, the inability to form words and articulating yourself, the feeling of not knowing why you do something… that counts, right?

basil has a very keen interest in plants and flowers. he memorized the symbolism of the flowers that the he assigned to the friend group, and we see plants all over and even outside basil’s house.

he also insists on only taking photos of people when they’re not posing for him and genuinely expressing emotion (which does give the headcanon of him observing expressions and feelings through the photo album a little more merit :3)

from OMORI canon, we know how attached he is to the past and how he dislikes sudden changes. it’s why the photo album exists, it’s why he says “everything will be okay”, it’s why he did what he did. this is something that both sunny and basil have in common!

to me, basil is an autistic person who learned how to mask because he’s afraid to be seen as weird by his friends & others. his relationship with sunny is the only one where he’s able to drop that mask and be “free” in a sense. post-incident basil tries to mask too, but fails at it since he has… a lot more going on his mind.

[captain-ravioli7321]

why i think Hailey from The Music Freaks is autistic!!!

sorry this is kinda late a sinus infection was curbstomping my ass for like a week but WE'RE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just like the last yap sesh this is more of based on personal hc and assumptions rather than solid evidence, but do bare with me! :3 AND REMEMBER: NOT a professional, I just really like this freaking show

this'll be similarly formatted like when i talked about my jake autistic headcanon

Bullying: Again, this might be a tad stereotypical? But a majority of people who are autistic (or neurodivergent at all) are bullied in childhood. This is often due to autistic traits being perceived as weird.

Stage Fright: This is a common trait in folks who are neurodivergent- specifically with ADHD or Autism. Autism is based on differences in communication and sensory processing. Someone who's autistic may feel uncomfortable or nervous about the unpredictability of the audience's reactions- which seems to be Hailey's case, as shown in episode 8. Though, the reason for stage fright is caused by a runoff of OTHER symptoms, which I will get to.

Emotional Regulation: Hailey seems to have a hard time dealing with her emotions- particularly when she's under scrutiny. She's able to deal with it if it's a problem that doesn't involve her being judged directly, but in cases like her stage fright, or if Drew and the others are confronting her directly, she gets particularly pissed and upset. She's able to deal with it if it's just dumb off-hand comments like in episode 1, but if it's a one-on-one encounter or something like what happened in episode 8 (I think) when Drew, Henry, and Liam came in uninvited, she gets upset easily (rightfully so) and it takes a while for her to cool down.

Sensitive to Changes in Routine: Hailey has a hard time dealing with sudden changes in plans or routine. In episode 9 when Jake asks Hailey to do a duet, her first reaction (aside from intial shock) is hesitancy to go through with it due to a sudden change in their schedule. In the same episode when Drew, Liam, and Henry interrupt them, it ticks her off particularly, as- not only does she not like these people, but they're disturbing her and Jake's time in the club room. Drew (and some other people in his friend group I think) refer to Hailey as a control freak, or someone who "always wants her way", which I think could be related to this.

Strong Morals: In episode 7 when she and Jake talk, she explains that while she didn't LIKE Jake, she believes in second chances. She believes he earned his way into the club, and mentions that he sang with his heart and soul. While not a strictly autistic trait, this trait IS common. Strong empathy is also a common sign of autism. (So is lack of empathy, but in general, both sides of the spectrum can be a trait of autism.) She understands to an extent where Jake is coming from, and her moral compass makes her dead honest with him in how she views his friends.

Voice & Tone: I'm honestly not sure if this is just me picking up on it or if it's just how her voice actor talks, but she seems to be somewhat monotone a lot of the time. Not to an extreme, but enough that I personally notice it.

Special Interest: This one's pretty obvious. She's the president of a MUSIC club, she can SING, play GUITAR, and other instruments probably, and can WRITE SONGS. Huh. I wonder what her special interest is. /sarc

That's all I've noticed so far! I might update this if I notice more. PLSSSS YAP IN THE COMMENTS IF U AGREE/DISAGREE/WANT ME TO ADD SOMETHING I MAY HAVE MISSED RHAHHH

[crow-man9000]

GET SAM AND MAX HEADCANONED (because I have no art to post due to sudden art block 💔💔)

Sam:

- mid-late 20s in Hit The Road, 34 in everything else (sticking with the time travelling Sam and Max theory I made, it's canon in my head)

- trans, aroace spectrum and bi. why? because I said so (also I think Sam considering the name Tyrone before Max suggested Sam is funny)

- has autism, at one point he was EXTREMELY hyperfixated on animals and wanted to work in a pet store, then he discovered 40s detective movies and he was like "OK NEW CAREER PLAN"

- on the topic of autism he mainly verbal stims like his long ass speech patterns he does when he's surprised

- surprisingly really good at drawing, even Sam doesn't know where he learnt it (I think this one was proven to be canon in tdp)

- basically just steals really vital evidence from crime scenes with the excuse of "we might need this later" (they will never need that later)

- Geek made him and Max watch spiderverse, he's now a spider noir and spiderham stan

Max

- late 20s in Hit The Road, 35 in everything else

- gay and aroace spectrum (SAM AND MAX ARE IN A QPR AND NOBODY CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE)

- took woodwork classes in high school

- REALLY likes cowboys. idk why I just feel like he'd like cowboys

- (this is more like my interpretation of alt tdp but whatever) Max basically went through a depressive/psychotic episode during 303, pretending Sam was still alive when he damn well knew he wasn't

- he's also autistic because I'm autistic and I kin him (corn dogs are a comfort food)

- when he has to wear clothes he'll either go all out or dress like Adam Sandler, no in between

- die hard Santa believer, freaked out when he found out Santa was real in 201

- Geek introduced Max to Tomodachi Life, he instantly fell in love with it (he's pissed about the gay couples not being allowed in the game tho, so he got Miitopia so him and Sam could be in a relationship in the game)

thank you for coming to my Ted talk

[mystic-headcanons]

Autism Jumin headcanons PLEASE. I saw somewhere (i don't remember this in game) that MC said "i think you have something mentally wrong with you" and Jumin goes "i know"

that paired with autism. i cannot get out of my head.

do with this what you will

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

a lot of this is largely based on what i know about autism and my own personal experience with autism

- jumin is the number one cat expert. like this man knows everything there is to know about felines. he is THE cat expert

- HAS THE BLINKING STIM. i don’t think he would have many, if any at all, physical stims because jumin very much knows that it is Not Acceptable in the high society that he grew up in. someone also mentioned on my post that buttoning his sleeve would be a stim and i 100% agree.

- does not understand his own feelings very well. this man is VERY emotionally stunted, though how much of it is due to trauma and how much of it is because of his autism is unclear. which is why when he understands that what he feels is love towards mc, he like immediately proposes.

- he owns so. many. books. like legit has his own personal library. any special interest he has he buys books on, so there’s MANY books on cats, wines, supernatural entities, etc.

- does not like crushed velvet. i have no reasoning for this other than crushed velvet makes me want to rip off every one of my fingers and so jumin is the same way.

- he is an empathetic person, but often does not understand when he says something wrong. this is also very canon.

- when he has his autistic meltdowns, it consists of him just going completely blank. i’m talking no speaking, lifeless eyes, and does NOT let anyone into his personal space. will just sit in his bed with elizabeth the third and stare at the wall or the ceiling until he comes back to himself

- PETTING THE CAT IS HIS STIM TOO

- jumin has very few safe foods, so there is always extra stocked up in the kitchen in case of sensory overload

- if he finds someone who will listen to him talk, jumin could easily talk for hours about any one of his special interests

- very. very. literal. does not understand the common types of humor very well, and doesn’t understand sarcasm either.

- if he’s feeling a Big Unknown Emotion, jumin will literally just shut down. not in the same way as a meltdown, but in a ‘i need to process this fully and cannot be doing anything else’ type of way.

- has that autistic rizz 😎

- has been blocked by every member of the rfa, minus v, at least once for talking on and on when no one was interested.

- somewhere, probably on one of seven’s many phones, there exists a video of jumin han in cat ears and meowing at elizabeth the third because seven once told him that that’s how you connect fully with cats and jumin just. believed him.

- there was a fake website made and everything.

- if there are many overlapping sounds for an extended period of time, jumin starts to experience sensory overload.

- is fine with loud, sudden noises, though.

- it took jumin a while to become fully comfortable with the knowledge that he is autistic. it’s not something that he really talked about with his father, and jumin had to unlearn many misconceptions.

- cannot read between the lines. like, at all.

- once jumin starts opening himself up to his feelings more, he gets one (1) sharp pang of anxiety and it debilitates him.

- wine is another Very Special Interest of jumin’s. he could probably tell you the exact date and time that it was created.

- makes too much eye contact. like the man looks like he’s trying to stare into the depths of your soul.

i love jumin han so mf much <3 this is all. i have for now. i hope you liked it!!

[aritany]

I want to hear a wedding story! (Only if u want to share ofc)

GOODNESS.

where to begin. notably, the funniest part of this story is the wedding night (no, not in the way you're thinking), so stick around for that.

previous context is the divorce story, which is significantly less funny, but it does talk about boobs, so, you know.

buckle up, folks.

okay pov you're me. you're 19. your now-fiancé just proposed to you in Front Of Your Mother, with whom you have a notably Contentious Relationship. you do not take this for the red flag that it is. instead, you start planning a wedding.

also, you're in university, because you're 19, and you're taking seven courses and your now-fiancé Wants To Fuck, (as many young christian men do, also because you, as previously mentioned in divorce story, have excellent tits) so this wedding is happening in 6 months.

weddings are very expensive. notably. you, being practical, and also very nearly friendless, are keen on a <30 person event. close friends and family only. your now-fiancé, on the other hand, knows Probably All Eight Billion People On The Planet, and so if it were not for budgetary reasons, would very much like to hold a 300+ person shebang. fortunately, budgets. 130 people on the guest list, all of a sudden. you mourn your intimate wedding dream privately.

as a rule, wedding planning is very stressful, but fortunately, your now-fiancé is an Exceptional Event Planner, so he's very eager to take over on the planning, including (and this is important), wedding night accommodations.

you realize very quickly into the planning process that this wedding is exceptionally transparently a way for your mother (youngest girl of 5) to show off to her siblings (all wealthy, she married a musician, life's rough, perhaps chill out, arlene) and as such, Choices Are Being Made. you are very nervously trying to not butt heads with her, considering the aforementioned Contentious Relationship, and previous experience/fear for your life expectancy.

believe it or not, your mother marrying a musician was an important point, because they popped out several musician babies to form the Von Trapp Family Nightmare of their dreams, and as such, your mother reminds you, there are expectations in place! people are practically coming to the wedding for the music! she tells you and then gets very huffy and insists it's a joke. you let her hire a guitarist for the prelude, because, whatever.

it is possible, due to your as-yet-undiscovered autismal nature, that you are not doing as well as you might think you are at disguising that you're not all that pleased, but overall you stuff it down. compromise is a part of life, whatever. more on this later.

the wedding day approacheth. you throw a bachelorette party with 5 people including your 15 year old sibling, because you are very cool with lots of friends. you get very smashed. mother is not pleased, due to the presence of said sibling, which is perhaps her only valid moment in this story. sorry, noa.

the night before the wedding is where things get a little bit spicy. because of the Contentious Relationship, you can smell a storm coming from a mile away, but all you know for sure is that your mother is Not Pleased With You, which is very stressful until about eleven pm, when your father elects to pull you aside to Have A Chat.

in said Chat, he tells you that you could really do a lot more to make your mother feel more special during the following day. you say, father? on my wedding day? he, also autismal, also afraid of your mother, says, you heard me. you ponder this, and then end up explaining awkwardly and painstakingly why you will not be doing this, due to the Contentious Relationship, Also, Abuse. your father, now sitting with the brand-new information that his wife Sucks, Like, Severely, doubles down.

through the balcony window, your mother sees you Having A Chat. assumedly, she feels very left out. you smell danger so you go inside to mitigate. she understands that she is the topic of discussion, and, i shit you not, throws everything she's holding onto the floor and marches out of the room.

you do not see her until forty-five seconds before the ceremony. instead, you go to your room, and you cry so hard you give yourself a nosebleed, and you sleep for about three hours.

wedding's a bit of a blur. mostly you remember eating bread in a golf cart after the ceremony, and that during the reception, your dress was so uncomfortable that it overshadowed almost everything else. also, you and your dad (who does not dance) choreographed a whole 5 minute deal to one of your favourite songs for your father-daughter dance and now you can't hear it without feeling like you're going to throw up, due to the bigotry.

NOW.

let's get to the juice.

you are ready to leave about .3 seconds into the reception, but it's sort of the whole deal that this is The Party that you're supposed to really stick around for, like, the whole time. so you are VERY brave. you dance like nobody's watching, or whatever. (you dance like everybody you know and respect is watching, because they are.)

eventually, you get to leave this party. you drive away in your car together, and you're very newly married, which is, naturally, very exciting.

now, earlier, i said we'd revisit compromise. here's where that's going to happen. see, when you're planning a wedding, you have to be very careful about the budget. your fiancé-turned-husband also happens to be very frugal, a quality that is frequently very useful, however.

However.

apparently, the budget didn't extend to a very nice wedding night. and, like, you're you. you're honestly just very relieved to not be financially and emotionally dependent on your mother, for aforementioned and i hope deeply obvious reasons. you do not have high expectations. you're not expectation champagne, or anything.

however, you're also not expecting to pull up to a comfort inn in the industrial area of downtown, an institution so fine that it is now Permanently Closed. you, in your terribly uncomfortable wedding dress, traipse into reception, where the receptionist proceeds to stay on the phone for 45 minutes.

eventually, she gives you your room key and tells you that your room is in the annex.

the annex, you think. that could be nice. maybe that's a special building. and it is. oh, it is special. you lug yourself and your suitcases across the parking lot to the annex, a grey building with grey windows that looks a little bit like a hidey-hole for a serial killer. you open the door.

inside, a double bed. it is concave. in the corner, a dog bed.

you realize very abruptly that for you, on your wedding night, with intention of Consummation™, YOUR FRESH HUSBAND HAS BOOKED FOR YOU THE ROOM THAT THEY GIVE YOU WHEN YOU SAY YOU'RE TRAVELING WITH A DOG.

/fin.

[dramalets]

2024 Watch List pt1

Here we go again!

To sir, with love - This is a lakorn so it's appropriately dramatic. The mothers are absolutely foul and do an awful lot of scheming and yelling. Jam/Film are intensely watchable and make wet fish kisses look terribly romantic. Tongtong Kitsakorn as Yang was a revelation. I'm sad he's pm just a lakorn actor/pop star because he is so watchable. I loved that, though they were evil and insane, the mothers all felt fleshed out and realised. You understood why they were yikes. 3½/5 (2/1/23)

A Boss & a Babe - I quit this at episode 2 and then decided to go back to it. I don’t regret doing so. This isn’t top tier but it’s also not shit tier. Cher, the very dictionary definition of toxic positivity, and Gun, an autism coded cat man, enter into an extremely quick romance (like seriously, it’s taken hard worn lesbians longer to say I love you) the catch being they’re intern and company boss. Honestly in another drama that would have been the the huge hiccup of the series, keeping them apart, but it’s consistently shown to be more of an issue for others that it is for them. This is very low conflict, mostly romcom fluff with two weirdly intense, barely explored side stories for support characters. I didn’t loath Force in this and would actually like him to be given more roles where he’s just a soft simp and not a boring sarcastic one. Book does some good comedy work here. 3/5 (4/1/23)

The day I loved you - I know this won’t work for everyone. It’s a bittersweet ten episode love story between a boy with ASL and the ‘rebel’ exchange student at his school. Pinoy BL, for me, either really hits or really misses and this hit. It does use a questionable model of disability, namely the inspiration model, but I cant nit pick too much when this is only ten 15/20 minute episodes. I enjoyed it a lot, you may also if you’re okay with a bittersweet ending vs an out and out happy one. 3½/5 (12/1/24)

VIP Only - Well this was adorable. Slow as molasses and just as sweet. This probably won’t be for everyone, very slow and not much happens other than character growth and a love story, but it worked for me. The edit is horrendous in places and I do wish Taiwan did longer episodes, but those are my only gripes. 3½/5 (19/1/24)

I cannot reach you - I don’t really watch Jbl. There are just styles and tropes that I don’t enjoy watching that Japan uses a lot of. It’s a taste thing more than it is anything else. So keep that in mind. This is full of a lot of the things I don’t like; over action, randomly running everywhere, sudden non-con. But it’s also endearingly sweet and very well acted, so I did find myself enjoying it. I don’t think this’ll awaken a desire to watch lots of Jbl but it has made me consider some others. 3/5 (20/1/24)

Last Twilight - I had a lot of fun with this. The dialogue and acting were all top notch and, as ever with Aof productions, it was stunning to look at. It weaves the story of two broken people healing one another very well with Jimmy & Sea doing beautiful work as Mhok & Day. I think this came a little unstuck at points in the end. I liked most of the romance movie style ending but I remain a little unsure about Day’s ending. Still, this is a show that I enjoyed every week and will have no issues rewatching. 4/5 (26/1/24)

Old Fashion Cupcake - I’m working on trying out more JBL to get a feel for what I do and don’t like. This? This I like. We don’t have enough stories about older people anyway and this does it well. Togawa’s slow courting of Nozue through shared experiences and casual intimacy is delicious to watch. 4/5 (4/2/24)

Pit Babe - I love when I show wholly knows what it is and doesn’t try and be anything but that. This knew it was a big ol’ fanfic and leaned wholeheartedly into that. Whether it was the breeding program subplot or the consistently dumb toothpaste and sausage ppl it handled them both with equal aplomb. It’s also worth noting that was largely really well acted too! Pavel, Nut & Sailub particularly impressed me but there was nobody bad. 4/5 (9/2/24)

Our Dining Table - My journey into JBL continues and this was the best one yet. Soft pining between two sad boy leads with a gorgeous found family story woven in. The treacle slow courting between these two won’t be for everyone but it was wholly for me. 5/5 (17/2/24)

Cooking Crush - The edit on this was criminally bad at points, sometimes I truly felt I’d skipped a part and I hadn’t at all, but it still served up a good little story. If you’re visiting this for the romance it’s not really that, the story is in the friends and their lives more than it is in Ten & Prem’s romance. I loved the comedy in this, it hit those notes well and was never over the top. (Lots of puns that I expect are super good if you speak Thai.) Nobody is bad in this, everyone delivers, but OffGun are as watchable as they always are and the few kisses they do have are perfect. 3/5 (18/2/24)

The Novelist - When I say I don’t love JBL it’s usually because the tropes are just too tropey for my tastes. Apparently I’m a lying liar who lies because this is extremely Japanese and I loved every moody second of it. Kijima is a sad, lonely, messed up man who doesn’t think he’s deserving of anything good and it’s wildly compelling to watch. 4/5 (18/2/24)

Mood Indigo - Fucked up 4 Fucked up. Two broken, sad, lonely men mess up repeatedly, and erotically, that’s it that’s the show and I ate it up with a spoon. Deeply flawed assholes being toxic together, when it’s well written and well acted, is so disgustingly watchable to me and this certainly was. 5/5 (18/2/24)

The Novelist: Playback - Continues where The Novelist ends. I watched the clean version of this, it was what was available to me, and was still deeply entertained. So if you think people watch this series for the heat then you’re incorrect. This is another instalment of Kijima Rio being a horribly broken fuck up of a man. I loved it. 4/5 (21/2/24)

Tokyo in April is… - I love a good destined to be together trope when it’s done well and this is done beautifully. Kazuma and Ren fall in love as teenagers and are separated before finding one another again as adults. The pacing on this is a little rough, I get what they were doing with the sub-plot but it felt mildly unneeded and time would have been better given to exploring our leads generally or even Ren’s painful family issues. This is still a lovely drama that I wholly recommend. 4/5 (21/2/24)

[bearzas-art]

Kinger Can't Sleep

Paring: Kinger (TADC) x Reader Type: Platonic, fluff-ish Word Count: 987

Reader's gender is vague :P

Enjoy the result of my raging autism

Today had been a long day. You haven’t been in the circus for a while so you’re still getting used to the shenanigans and your digital body. Oddly enough, you found Ragatha to be right about the routine of going to sleep every night being calming in a way. After slipping under the covers you close your eyes. You feel your head sinking into your pillow as you start to relax before hearing a soft knock and your door creaking open a crack.

“Psst… Psst! Hey y/n, are you awake?” It was the voice of Kinger, a tall king chess piece in a purple robe with white fur that had black spots on the edges. Although your bedroom was dark, the light in the hallway allowed you to see Kinger peeking his head into your bedroom. You sit up in bed and rub your eyes tiredly while mumbling softly to yourself.

“Yeah… I’m awake.” You mutter before yawning softly. After letting your eyes adjust to the darkness you noticed Kinger seemed nervous. Sure he’s always nervous, but right now he seemed like he was more nervous than normal.  “Did you need something?” With that question, Kinger put up his index finger and hesitated before responding.

“Okay, well… I’ve got a bit of a problem.” He pauses and quickly looks behind him. His gaze locks back onto yours while rubbing his hands together nervously before continuing. “I can’t- I can’t fall asleep! No matter what I do I just- it isn’t working. I need your help. Please please please can you help me?!” He started to sound more frantic as he begged you to help. What? Why is he begging me of all people to help him sleep? What am I supposed to do?

“Okay, okay! Just… calm down, please. I need to think of something.” You prop your head up with your hand, wracking your brain of ways to make people sleep. Maybe he needs something he can’t do on his own? But what would help that he’d need-

“AAAA!” You jumped and let out a short scream in response to Kinger’s sudden yell. Clutching your chest, you look and Kinger with wide eyes. He returns the wide eyed gaze, the awkward silence filling the air. The tension could be cut with a knife.

“What was that for?!” You asked in slight annoyance. Kinger shook slightly before responding. “Sorry! Sorry about that. I um, you were quiet for so long. I thought maybe you left.” What? How does that even- whatever. I need to think of a solution before he scares the s#!% out of me again. “Alright, well how about I tuck you in?” Kinger stares at you silently for a moment, making you feel a little nervous. “What do you mean?” He asks quickly. You let out a soft sigh and get up from your bed, walking over to the door. Kinger quickly backs away a bit and looks down at you. You grab his hand, making his eyes widen more. His gaze quickly shifts from your face to your hands.

“Here, I’ll do it for you.” You and Kinger start walking down the large hallway. This felt weird, like you were the older one and not him. You were too tired to dwell on the fact that you were holding his hand and practically pulling him back to his bedroom. If this comes up in conversation, it’s for future me to deal with. You thought to yourself.

Once you both get to Kinger’s bedroom you let go of his hand and stand with him in front of the doorway. His bedroom is fairly dark as well, the only things he has is his bed, a dresser, and a framed picture of his wife Queenie. He stands there nervously rubbing his hands while his eyes dart around the room. You gesture towards his bed, expecting him to get in. “Oh, right.” He chuckles a bit to himself while walking over to his bed and laying down. What decisions have I made that brought me to tucking in a man in his 40s? You ask yourself.You walk over to the side of his bed, tucking in the nearest side of his bed then leaning over and tucking the far side. While pulling your arm back, Kinger suddenly grabs your arm and keeps it draped over his body.

“Wh- what the heck? Why did you grab my arm?” You ask quickly in confusion. Your eyebrows knit together and you look around the bed before looking back at Kinger. He mumbles something incoherently then lets out a deep sigh, his eyes already closed. Wow, that was quick. You thought. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. Since it seemed he’s been riding the line between just being insane and abstracting, it’s nice seeing him so calm. Though it doesn’t help that he’s clinging onto your arm.

You try to gently get your arm out of his surprisingly tight grasp to no avail. You tried pulling your arm away but he started to gumble in his sleep. You stopped in hopes he’d stay asleep, but assumed that if you did pull your arm away you’d have to deal with his hands being attached to you still. Admitting defeat, you slowly try to lower yourself on the ground while keeping your arm on Kinger. 

Great, now I’m not gonna get any sleep. You thought to yourself as you sat on his floor, your side pressed up against his bed. You let out a sigh, trying your best to be quiet. After admitting defeat, you rest you head on your shoulder, using it as a pillow. Hopefully you can still get some sleep. Of course you don’t really need it, but it would be nice. After a while of sitting there your eyelids start to feel heavier. Yawning softly and closing your eyes, you start to drift to sleep.

[eternal-echoes]

Does Gender Theory Hurt People? | Jason Evert

I think if we try to live in a way that's not in accord to their own human nature, we'll be fighting against ourselves. And so, the very premise of gender theory is that I can be something other than my body. And so, it's beginning with this fracture at the very root of anthropology of just that my body doesn't reveal me, it doesn't reveal my identity. But in the Catholic understanding is that, okay, your body isn't something you have, like you just have a pair of jeans, like your body is you. And so, this is easy enough to prove: if I were to say, "like okay I'm going to the store." Well, your body's probably going to be going to the store as well. I mean, the two are going to kind of stay together. But when we untether the person's identity from their body, then your identity has to attach to somewhere. But what is it going to anchor onto if not the body? It'll anchor onto the personality. But the problem is that there are as many as personalities as there are persons, and you will end up literally with an endless list or spectrum of genders. And so, then it can become fluid, it can change - my identity is this, my identity is that. And you can see in a culture where we're in, what is my meaning, what is my purpose, you know? Who's my community? What's my mission? Who am I? In a sense gender theory provides all of these in one really tight package. ... And especially if a person is wrestling with gender dysphoria, which is a mental health issue. It's in DSM-5, that's not a lot of fun to say, "okay I have a mental health issue and yeah, I also struggle with autism or depression, or I've gone through some trauma." It's not a lot of fun to identify with your brokenness or trauma or a DSM-5 label. But if my identity can be this thing, that I'm trans, then all of a sudden that's a lot of easier. Now I'm finding my true self, instead of just being diagnoses with some mental health issue. And so in a sense it's providing this sense of identity. And this is why you'll find that if you challenge individuals on this thinking, a lot of times you get a very anaphylactic reaction to it. A very, you know, very upset and it's like, "wait a minute, I didn't say anything and you're accusing me of violence and hatred and even genocide?" Genocide? No that's Mao Zedong, that's Hitler, that's Stalin all I'm doing is asking about your preferred pronoun thing and you're accusing me of genocide. Why this big reaction? And there's a book called Primal Scream and in it the author basically pointed out that the reason you get this big reaction, is because this isn't just some label, this is their identity, and it's also their community. That maybe they felt rejected by their own family, by their own faith community, and all of a sudden they found this online community or some spectrum alliance on campus that welcomed them, that understood them, that made them feel loved and dignified and brave, "this is my community, these are my homeboys, like this is my Posse," and then it's also now our mission because we're a victimized minority and now I've got a battle to fight. And so, these three core necessary parts of human existence of identity, community, and mission are all bound up in your sense of gender identity and then if someone kinda starts poking at it and looking at the philosophical foundations of that and pulling it out, it's like, "whoa, you are trying to erase me, you're trying to take away my own community, that's going to leave me with nothing, and take away my whole mission that's been entrusted to me," you're gonna get quite a reaction. And so that's why we need to thread carefully and lovingly, and it seems like an extreme example but it's almost like you're treating a burn victim: you don't go "okay let's get the bandage off soon," very gingerly, okay okay I want to look at these things with you, but be very careful in the way that you speak, and make sure that the person knows that you're loved, and that you're not just coming to them to try to win some debate.

[clownrecess]

As an autistic individual myself, I am interested in the intersection of neurodiversity and various identities.

You've mentioned that you identify as a Norse Pagan. I'm curious about how your spiritual beliefs intersect with your neurodivergent experience. Do you find that your autistic identity informs or impacts your spiritual practice in any way?

(Tw for discussions of trauma, religion, etc.)

Sorry for the late-ish response! I've been working on this post a little everyday to make sure I write it how I want it.

I dont think that my autism has impacted my religion or spirtual experiences/beliefs, but my brain as a whole does. (Update: It actually did influence it quite a bit. I'm realizing this after writing this post. So, uh, thank you for helping me realize something that I find quite interesting!)

When I was a kid, I was raised in christianity. I was very religious. I prayed everyday, I had a cross in my room, etc.

But heres the thing: I have OCD. A few different types, but out of those, one of them is religious OCD.

Most of my praying ages late 8-12 was done purely out of fear. At that point I wasnt even really a Christian, I was just really afraid, which really impacted how I viewed religion. I HATED conversation about it because it felt scary and icky to me.

I didn't understand why people would ever want to talk about it. It felt like a very private topic for me, so I figured people who go out of their way to talk about it must be trying to get extra "good points" with god (maybe that bit was caused by autism, actually.).

During that time, I would go through little phases of a month or so at a time in which I would try to "swing the opposite direction". This was around age 10-11. I was developing an intense anger toward the church, and I just wanted to be the opposite of they were, whatever that meant. Because I didn't want to think about religion (due to anxiety around it), I really didn't know what many religious labels actually meant because researching them made me very uncomfortable, so I briefly identified as a satanist (this would be on and off during ages 10-11.) despite really not knowing what that meant. I think I just wanted a way to separate myself from the church as much as possible.

A few months after I turned 12, I felt a really strong urge to research paganism out of nowhere (I didnt even know what "pagan" meant, I just suddenly felt the need to know things about it. It was very random.). It started sort of as a special interest (Maybe autism did influence me more than I thought! Interesting.), and so I would look into a lot of different branches of paganism, focusing most of my research around hellenistic paganism.

A few weeks after this, I had a very interesting experience which I now believe to have been a sign from Freyja (I dont want to go into specifics. It was personal and I want to keep that special to me. I might later, but for now it's just mine. Just know it was a very beautiful thing from her.). DIRECTLY following this event (Maybe an hour or two later), I felt another urge to research things, but this time to be looking into the Norse Gods/Goddesses (which I'd never even heard of at that point.).

At that point I ended up converting to paganism. It was an extremely sudden decision, but it made sense to me.

No matter what religion I had been apart of before, I always felt anxiety and guilt, causing me to try and fix things by becoming excessively religious again in a Christian way. But from the moment I became pagan, I just never had that ever again. It's been the only religion I've ever felt fully safe in.

It's obviously been quite a while since then, and I'm obviously still a Norse Pagan.

Whilst I now love all the gods and goddesses, Freyja will always be especially special to me.

At this point I have worked with: Freyja, Loki, Odin, Beyla, and Njord.

Now, I also think its important to mention another part of my brain that impacts my religious experience: I am in a system.

Nearly all of us identify as Norse Pagans, but we have a few Agnostics as well, a few Eclectic Pagans, an Atheistic Satanist, and a Theistic Satanist.

The primary religious identity within our system is Norse Paganism, with the majority of individuals identifying as followers of this belief system. Due to this, we say we are a Norse Pagan! We are also okay with just being called "Pagan" on it's own, though.

[ronanceautistic]

Autistic Robin headcanons?

Autistic Robin my beloved.

I think she’s quite sensitive to sudden, loud noises but isn’t as sensitive to like, a lot of noise. She’s in band, she goes to all the games n shit, she’s used to a lot of noise. But something like fireworks, or thunder, or gunshots make her nervous.

I think texture is a big issue for Robin, she cuts the labels out of her clothes, she definitely has very hyper-specific things she refuses to touch because of the texture, like velvet or something. I also think maybe that’s why she keeps her hair short.

Her special interest is language. Her language tapes are definitely a huge comfort for her because they’re repetitive and they feel safe. I think learning new languages in general comes so naturally to her because of how engrossed she gets. It doesn’t feel like a task when she gets to learn about the grammar of this language, and the culture surrounding it etc.

I think before she got into languages, like as a little kid, she really liked insects and frogs and anything to do with nature. I think she was the type of kid that would absolutely play in the mud but at the same time, as soon as she gets home she’s having a shower.

I think while she struggles to communicate she is actually good at reading tone (i know she says she doesn’t, but she literally reads nancy like a book for the whole of s4). But because she isn’t great at knowing how to respond, or the right thing to say, social cues make her nervous. She’s very sarcastic herself, but struggles to read other people’s sarcasm and it’s very much a situation of no one knows when Robin is joking and Robin doesn’t know when others are joking.

I think a lot of situations could bring on a meltdown for her, but she’s very good at knowing her limit and doesn’t really feel pressured to keep herself in a situation she’s uncomfortable in, like a party. Like, Nancy will keep going until she explodes (Halloween party throwback), whereas Robin will acknowledge “okay, soon I won’t be able to do this anymore”. She doesn’t like parties, she will probably never go to one because the only time she did she quickly realised it was a terrible idea.

When it comes to meltdowns, she definitely prefers being alone, putting on headphones and listening to her tapes, stimming in a dark room, deep breathing. She is good at calming herself down, I think. But in terms of Ronance it makes them clash a little, because Nancy needs someone with her, and assumes Robin would, too. But she quickly realises it makes things a lot worse and more stressful for Robin.

Also, this is ADHD rather an Autism, but I think she is quite inattentive if it isn’t something she is interested in. While she is very smart, I think she still gets Cs on the subjects she has no interest in because she can’t focus on the class. I think she’s really good at music, french, english, and biology. But she also struggles with math, and history. I am obsessed with the idea that math-whiz Nancy helps Robin and Robin helps Nancy with French.

I also think she’s probably a picky eater, who is willing to try anything but also rarely likes anything new she tries. But at the same time, the foods and combinations she does like is so bizarre to anyone else but her.

[tumblydovereviews]

In Defense of Caillou

Growing up, my family was one of the very few who weren't avid members of the Caillou hate wagon. It was, and still is, one of my dad's favorite shows that I watched as a kid, and he was genuinely surprised when I revealed to him all the hate the show has managed to amass. I watched plenty of Caillou as a kid, and I'm happy to report that I came out perfectly normal, if not a bit energetic for my age.

Yes, Caillou is not a perfect show by any means. With the characters having little-to-no personality outside of existing in this hairless child's kingdom, annoying voices, and the infamous tantrum scenes, it's no wonder why this show has become so hated, and still is to this day. But I don't think I'm being too generous when I say that Caillou has some merit to it that I feel is overlooked by the general public.

Contrary to public belief, Caillou isn't actually a lonely cancer patient or an alopecia victim- he is actually based off a French book series that originally depicted him as a baby rather than a toddler. To make sure kids could still recognize him even with the age increase, it was decided that Caillou would remain bald. In my personal opinion, I think the creators made the right call. Young kids are still learning how to recognize differences, and chances are if Caillou did have hair, the sudden change in appearance would be overwhelming. It may be weird to us older people, but to kids, keeping Caillou as recognizable as possible was a serviceable move.

A lot of people tend to forget that Caillou is a four-year-old, which is surprising considering that it is established in the literal first line of the theme song (I'm just a kid whose four.) Being four, Caillou is destined to have tantrums, moments where he acts bratty and less than a saint. The real issue comes with the lack of emphasis on condemning the behavior and instead focusing on solving rather than learning. Caillou's parents are the original permissive parents, and one could compare them to the overly gentle parents that exist on TikTok. They rarely call out their son when he does act out and instead dismiss his behavior to the side. The 2020s revival series does a much better job at balancing gentle fairness with firmness. When Caillou or Rosie misbehave, they are scolded for it while also steered in the right direction in an imaginative way, arguably more creative than Boris or Doris' tactics in the original show ever amounted up to being.

Caillou has surprisingly great representation for a preschool show in the 90s, especially in terms of disability and other medical conditions. The show features episodes spotlighting deafness, Down syndrome, autism, wheelchair usage, and even Type 1 diabetes. The episodes in particular talk mainly about how the chronically ill/disabled character is still able to function perfectly normally, even with the condition they have. As a diabetic myself, the episode Emma's Extra Snacks always stood out to be, even before I was officially diagnosed. Diabetes representation and the stigma surrounding it is an issue that not many pieces of media discuss, and I'm happy that Caillou has the courage to tackle a subject that can and has been botched so easily.

And let's not forget the puppet segments, arguably the best part of Caillou. These puppet segments focused on three of Caillou's furry companions: Gilbert the cat, Rexy the T-Rex, and Teddy the teddy bear as they go on miscellaneous adventures around Caillou's house. My personal favorite of the trio was Gilbert and his 'odes.' The segments, while on the more basic side, provide a good enough distraction from Caillou's escapades, even if only for five minutes, before we were forced to go back to the bald boy's basic ballads.

While writing this post, I came up a post online asking if people would rather have their kids watch Caillou or Skidibl Toilet. If faced with a decision like this in real life, I'd turn on Caillou in an instant. Caillou has done a lot of bad, but deep down, we can't forget that the show's main intention, no matter how botched it ended up turning out, was to teach kids about life. I would much rather live in a world with mildly annoying preschool shows than brain rot which serves no purpose but to gradually disintegrate a person's cognitive functions.

He's just a kid who's four, and each day he grows some more, so I think that we need to start growing on him, just a smidge more.

[dalekofchaos]

Full offense intended, but I could never have a friend like you, who slanders my favorite wrestlers on the daily, knowing that are my favorites. That's not a friend to me, friends don't do that to each other. You slander The Elite, Britt Baker, MJF, FTR, Jack Perry, Wheeler Yuta (when you called him "Wheeler Useless"), and now Jon Moxley. Who's next? If you dislike these people so much, then why do you post about them and have gifs and photos of them on your blog? Just don't post about them and ignore, plain and simple. But no, you gotta be an asshole about it, as always, and then play the victim when you get called out.

MJF literally said he is against genocide and Palestinians being killed. He's not using his girlfriend as a shield or being Zionist. And maybe if people stopped spewing antisemitic bullshit about him on the daily and just simply unfollowed/blocked him, instead of looking for something to attack him over, he wouldn't be so defensive all the time or respond the way he does.

And I find it funny how all of sudden you can't stand Max Caster, after you defended that incredibly offensive rap he did, referencing a rape and sexual assault case, saying that it's what heels do and that heels are supposed to be offended. And called anyone who spoke up about it "sensitive marks."

Hypocrisy at its finest. Can't pick and choose who you hold accountable or who gets cancelled and who doesn't. Just stop already, please. It's enough. And if you can't handle it, then maybe wrestling just isn't for you.

Not doing this anymore. It's been 4 years and I've just had enough.

I’ve deleted most of the negative stuff I’ve said about WWE & AEW. I will only focus on the stuff I like in wrestling and won’t say anything negative.

My father has recently passed away and I am still dealing with his passing. I am not in a good mental health space. So it's not worth fighting over.

I was not trying to be misogynistic about it just giving my opinion to the shitty booking of that senile rapist piece of shit, but I recognize some of the posts did take it too far, especially the Caster shit yeah I know that was gross and I am sorry. No wrestler controls their booking so I shouldn’t be on them for that, but I can’t help but feel pissed for my favs being done dirty by shitty booking. I was not trying to be anti-semetic about MJF by calling him a zionist. I called him a Zionist because other wrestling fans have called him out. One Twitter thread in particular shows that MJF came to this Jewish fan’s inbox and asking to be educated and when said person explained all they could, he just left her on read and never responded which did not help matters.

I am not antisemitic in any way, I always raise Jewish voices for Palestine and other important causes. You do not know me, please do not put words in my mouth. Also I have Autism, depression and anxiety, all your accusations do is make me nervous and breakdown. I recognize this doesn't excuse my behavior, but it does explain my lack of a reaction after all this time. I apologize for the negativity I've brought to wrestling, anything I've had to say that went too far, attacking your faves and I apologize for my lack of owning up to it.

and if that is not enough. I won't post about wrestling and I won't even talk about wrestling and just watch it in my own personal space and keep my opinions to myself. And if that STILL isn't enough I will stop sending asks to our mutual friend

Please just leave me alone.

[cowboybrunch]

:3 soooo I have this sudden burning need to know everything you can tell me about Rosalie before your wrists give out. Can I trouble you for an infodump? Her tagged posts are great but I want to crack her open like a coconut.

i would LOVE to infodump about her!!! thank you for the ask!!! <3

let's start with some fun facts:

she's actually my oldest oc! in the original ORIGINAL draft of botrd (which was never completed and 80% of it was scrapped) the entire thing was in her pov! the story was more focused on her journey through grief

of all of the women in the story, she is the least violent and most soft-spoken (though she does have her moments) but this doesn't make her weak. i love a "badass female mc" as much as the next person but i really wanted her to highlight a quieter form of strength

her backstory:

her mother died in a freak accident car crash while she was in the car on their way to her grandparents' house. she was around 10 years old at this point. in the original draft, she has recurring nightmares about this moment (a defunct excerpt):

Goosebumps raised on her arms, and she opened her eyes to see dark clouds rolling towards them. She tried to speak, but the sound caught in her throat. Despite the windows being down, she couldn’t get enough air. Suddenly, it was pouring rain, the water soaking her clothes and the space on the seat that her body didn’t cover. Her mom kept driving, kept singing as if nothing had changed.

fast forwarding to the events of the current draft (switched to first person present tense), we begin with another death: her best friend Andrew

“Do you believe in ghosts?” I would ask him. “Do you believe in God? Do you think we’ll be okay?” Yes, no, maybe. He would never hesitate to answer, never tell me that I was being silly or that I should worry less. He would ask me, “Do you believe in parallel universes? Do you believe in aliens? Do you ever want to run away?” No, yes, maybe.

since she's been so "involved with death," she has the unique ability to sense Mortae when others can't— meaning she can see them when she shouldn't be able to, and her ears ring when they're communicating telepathically

“I don’t know why you can see me. You’re not meant to. I didn’t do anything to the camera. It caught what was visible, and I was not— am not visible."

That awful high-pitched noise sounds in my ears, louder this time, and it’s all I can do not to throw my hands over them. I do not want to add tinnitus to my growing list of unsolvable problems.

aaaand some rapid fire info about her

callsign "sacrificial lamb"

loves rom-coms

has debilitating insomnia

inquisitive, kind (most of the time, she tries her best), stubborn

first chapter in her pov is called "It's not a superstition if it's true"

her self-doubt puts her in many sticky situations. she needs to trust her gut!!!

favorite flower is daffodils (even tho they're technically a weed) because she likes knowing what people would wish for

biggest fear: being a stranger to the people she loves

she really is just a girl trying to heal and learn to live with grief, and she gets roped into this eternal war between Death and Theodore and becomes a catalyst for his ascension... justice for Rosalie!!!

taglist! (ask to be +/-)

@vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @fortunatetragedy @autism-purgatory @rosesonneptune @cartoonghosts

@dyrewrites @whoevenknowswhatimwriting