#why dod I do this to myself?

[bibannana]

Sometimes I think huh yeah I could be a author..... and then I remember I'm dumb as hell.

[spooky-kakashi]

i need someone to actually knock some sense into me😭😭😭 i have to hand in that report in 18 hrs and i havent even started and i still havent slept

[hunlutarudce]

Ah, I'm a little late on posting these here

[itsalwaysdark]

i unlocked a new voice earlier btw but i cant do it that much bc it requires me to be nervously laughing and breathing very heavily and it had me gasping for breath for like 30 minutes

[pearfight]

.

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

I used to looooathe Glory. I thought her bad mood and constant sass was really annoying; however, I came to realize how a lot of her behavior stems from her abuse. Since then, she has become waaaay more of an interesting character to me.

Kestrel and the other guardians (but mostly Kestrel) always berating her and making her feel useless is probably why she started off as so snappy and pessimistic. She didn't see much of a point in trying to be better because nothing she ever did was good enough to them.

She doesn't show her emotions because crying or getting angry would've made her vulnerable to further abuse from the guardians. Some people find it strange that Glory doesn't seem shaken after using her venom on someone, but with this in mind, I think her cold attitude makes sense. She buries her feelings deep down (she doesn't even like to let her emotions slip through her scale color).

I doooo have to admit that it's little irritating to me that ever since the first arc, pretty much every dragon that isn't a villain automatically adores her? I guess dragons like Snowfall are initially skeptical of her, but they come to admire her pretty quickly. Of course!! It's great that she's finally getting appreciation after a childhood of neglect, but it just feels a bit forced to me.

I also think she becomes a little bland after the first arc, but I think that's because we don't get things from her POV anymore and generally just isn't that involved. As I said before, Glory tends to keep her thoughts to herself. Plus, she's learning the ropes of being a queen, so she's probably trying to be more mature.

Contrary to what a good chunk of the fandom believes (and what I used to believe), Glory definitely isn't a "Mary Sue." Yes, she achieves a LOT, but she is still flawed. Honestly, I think that term is often used just to be sexist :/ But that's a whole different debate.

This is a pretty shallow analysis; Glory is a surprisingly complex character (so are the other DoD tbh). But I don't have the energy to do a deep dive right now 🥲 So yeah. You can still dislike Glory (even with all of that said, I myself still feel kind of neutral about her), but don't brush her off as OP or a Mary Sue or whatever.

.

[vassalor]

Anything for you. Pantalone x Reader

Warning: Mention of cheating, false accusation, theft, imprisoment, starvation,preg!reader, cheater! Kaeya,

Ie: for the people who love Kaeya. I also love him, one of my favorite playable char, but i want to try him this kind of situation.

It was a rainy night in Liyue. Everyone is either their home or one of the city inns. Just  a few, mostly homeless people who remained outside in the cold weather. One of them, a young woman silently cried and gently patted her stomach.

-I know love you hungry…so i…but don't worry…mother will get you food somehow…somehow…- her tears became in one with the raindrops what fell from the little rag what she managed to get from the back alleys. She collected a little water to drink in her free hand, but it just make her stomach grumble more.

-Im sorry baby…im sorry…- She sobbed and slowly stand up, stumbled over the road , but a moment later someone caught her and shortly after a heavy dark jacket landed on her back. She heard a  calm male voice. 

-Oh my…It's too cold out here darling. You’ll catch a cold if you…- She looked up to where the voice and the jacket came from. By the archons. It was a handsome man with luscious long black hair and glasses.

-I-im sorry sir. I did not want…- she tried to move away, but he gently grabbed her shoulder and with another hand he moved her face to front of his.

-My, you look really weak darlin’. You eat something today?- Maybe she just imagined but his voice was surprisingly concerned just as his eyes. After his question she started to cry even more. The young woman's trembling lips are not open for answer. He quickly pulled his hand from her face and lifted her in bridal style. 

You need to go to a doctor. Lets go.

Later, in the clinic.

“This cant be real. Why he helped me?” She thought as she slowly gulped the warm soup what the nurse gave her earlier.

The doctor and a man who brought her there  talked not far from her.

Thank you kind sir for bringing her in time. She was seriously malnourished and her fever almost get worse. It was deadly to both her and the baby.

…Understand. Thank you doctor. - The raven haired man looked at the woman. - May I ask for some minutes of privacy with her after you finish the necessary checks?

Of course. I just finished the papers.  Take your time. - And then he left the room. The other man grabbed a chair and sit next to bed.

I'm sorry for the vulgarity, i'm not even introduced myself to you. Name is Pantalone. May i ask yours? - She just put the empty bowl on the counter and bowed her head. She weakly told her name. Pantalone let out a worried sigh.

Beautiful name. So, you’re not from Liyue?

I'm from Mondstadt. I was from there.

And may i ask what happened to you in this condition?

…I did not know either. - She muttered and grabbed the  bedsheet. Pantalone raised a brow, but before he opened his mouth, she continued- Just one month ago I was in the middle of the preparation of my wedding with my fiance and the next moment i was accused for stealing relic from the temple.

You did that?

Of course not! - she cried out. - I would never do such a thing! And turn out…that said relic was not even stolen from.

Hooh? Then what happened? - She gripped the sheets with more force, he put his hand on hers to ease her a little bit.

My own fiance, who is one the knight of Favonius, came to arrest me. They put me in the jail without a trial.

Thats kinda suspicious.

At first i dod not understand either, but later i found out.

??

The two guards who  was on night patrol talked about how Kaeya already moved another woman in our house and tomorrow they will get me out of the town to ‘put another place’. They don't even cared about i heard them.

Now you safe darlin’.- Pantalone gently moved his hand toward hers.- They dont hurt you anymore.

But why? - she cried. - Why did he did this to me?! I was his fiance! With his child! He told me to get married earlier! 

He did not think about it seriously. He did not care about you and the baby at all. - He said the with a cold tone. She froze from his words. Then she let out a sigh and a weak smile toward Pantalone.

Thank you, for saying this…Maybe i …i just want to hear what i tought. - His face are softened after her sudden comment and start to caress her hands with this tumb.

Tomorrow i need to travel to Inazuma. Would you mind to accompany to me on this journey?

…Why did you care about me, Mr Pantalone? - She asked weakly.

Because i know the feeling when you been left all alone without any hope. I don't want you to feel that anymore.

…Thank you.

6 Years later, Mondstadt

Around noon, a big fancy carriage arrived to the town. Folks gathered around it, and when the door opened 3 young children jump out from it, all boys. After them a tall male with an expensive looking dress came out and reached his hand toward a woman, who also wore a beautiful dress but also covered her face with a silvery colored vail.

Boys, dont run so far. Wait for me and your mother.- He hold her hand and they start to go after the children. Everyone looked at confusion the faces, the knight, the restaurant owner and even Mondstadt  most wealthies man, Diluc came into their view. And he did not like what he saw at all. As they make a stroll over the stairs, one of the guard stop their way upstairs.

Im sorry sir, but this is way is restricted. Military personel only.

Oh, dont mind good sir - Pantalone smiled as the boys hid behind him and their mother. - I was just here to talk with lady Jean.

And may i know what interest?

It really nothing..- Now he slightly opened his eyes, showed a more menacing side of his - i wanted to talk about her how much this city cost? I want to buy it.

To be continue…

[yawpyawp]

autism non-diagnosis venting

honestly i’m really devastated to hear this test guy say it’s JUST adhd + depression and not also autism because i’m ALREADY BEING TREATED FOR ADHD/DEPRESSION AND THE TREATMENT ISNT WORKING? LIKE I GET WORSE WITH TIME :(

(also it's like,,,statistically unusual to NOT have ASD in my family)

he was like "conclusively i think you don't have autism bc all of ur autistic traits show up as sub-clinical when it comes to A. attention span, B. social skills, and C. neuroplasticity"

(despite the fact that i am A. diagnosed ADHD, B. a formerly high-masking AFAB person who is captivated by the mysteries of socialization/communication, C. a designer who actively practices flexible thinking every day)

and the clinician basically was like “i literally don’t have anything else to suggest to you but to keep trying the same things u have already been doing”

i’ve literally been doing these treatments since i was 19 (i'm 32!!!) and i have gotten WORSE. i've done HUNDREDS of hours of the kind of therapy the clinician suggested i do as a next step, like HUNDREDS of hours of CBT

and then he was like 'this looks like u just have adhd + trauma' ('the car crash when u were 5 is why u have sensory problems and u can't have close relationships') BUT I HAVE DONE HUNDREDS OF HOURS OF THERAPY TRYING TO ASSESS THIS AND THE THERAPY SUGGESTED I DON'T HAVE ACCUTE TRAUMA!!! i literally did MONTHS of group therapy IN A TRAUMA GROUP!!!! and the conclusion was that THAT is not my experience!!!!!

(to be fair i have also experienced HEAD TRAUMA cuz i had two concussions as a kid lol so i guess early childhood TBI is another route to explore lol because my other next step is TMS and i don't wanna do the brain magnets)

but basically i feel like i'm just going in circles

i literally don't know where to go from here???? like i just have to keep feeling like this???

i feel like i learned NOTHING in this process other than i’m not trying hard enough to function and i want to literally unalive myself lololo i'm literally fucking DONE i am bringing back the diagrams

ANYWAY i asked this guy follow up questions for 1.5 hrs (we were scheduled for 45 mins) and based on his reaction to my questions i feel like i was LAWYERING him by asking critical questions about how he arrived at his conclusions. like after i literally googled "am i a psychopath?" and took one of those online quizzes because i was like 'wow dod i go too hard on trying to get this expert to bend to MY pov?'

[cathulhu-collective]

Legitimately, even if they do not believe in programming or the continuation of abuse by the slew of alphabet agencies under the US government. It is legitimately well known that conditioning is rampant throughout basically every modern military out there? Like it is a key component of basic training to break the person and build them back up to suit the needs of the military, it shows an absolute willingness to condition people. They’re literally just siding with the military industrial complex, and I so don’t understand how they justify that in their mind.

I’m not really a military programming survivor, but like you said a lot of programming(even in non-military settings like cults) will use tactics and information laid out by the these organization. Personally speaking, one of my abusers survived military programming, and then just continued it on in the far right paramilitary cult I grew up in. People would be shocked to know how often situations like this occur.

Idk i’m sorry they’re treating you like shit. I can tell you know your shit on how you’re able to break stuff down and put it into understandable term. Game recognizes game. Just know that there are people out there that believe your experience, because similar things happen to them too.

Also, what exact pronouns do you use? I know in one of your posts you referred to yourself as a chick, but I find it best not to make assumptions on tiny things like that. 

I really appreciate this post. For my pronouns, both she/they are good with me 🙂

With respect to the military programming thing, exactly - basic trainings explicit purpose is to break and rebuild the person into a soldier. To this end, some of the best psychologists in the world have been employed by the DoD. Not just for interrogating, understanding, and tracking targets, but also for use on our own personnel. And intelligence services - they generally don't put their officers through it to the extent of the military.

Intelligence officers are trained and conditioned to be loyal, feel special and chosen, and put moral scruples to the side in some cases. However, the assets a case officer handles (they don't call them handlers, they call them 'case officers') are meant to be totally under their control, and the training of a case officer is based on how to accomplish exactly that. I was watching a podcast with a former case officer on it and he said that he was his assets "priest, confessor, therapist, friend".... and that he'd missed his calling as a psychiatrist, but he was very clear that his job was manipulation, programming, control of said asset, rather than helping them work through problems. He didn't seem to mind being honest about it - that's what all that training is about. It's all for the greater good. Ect.

I'm sorry to hear you were raised in a family that had a strong background in all that. I think that it is something that tends to become a tradition within families, it's like the military programming of the parent is passed off in a similar way upon their children. And, often, those children end up joining.

Don't get me wrong - I get why they do it. I actually do. I fight with myself a lot on that point. The fact that I don't hate the people who did/do this to me, and I should, and if I knew somebody else and it happened to them, I would be furious on their behalf. But, I find myself with a really strong sense of stolkholm syndrome (another thing I've seen the faker subreddits claim does not exist, just like they think DID does not exist). some alters are very attached to the programming, as crazy as that sounds. but they fight with the parts who can't stand the attachments, and it drives an intense self loathing and confusion between different parts.

I have always wanted to talk to people about the overlap between cults and gov sanctioned programming. I have read a lot of stuff but just based on my own experience, I know that a lot of the most important parts of these kinds of experiences are not really written anywhere.

[notallwonder]

not me going back to rewatch every essential JJ episode I can think of. 200, the stalker case, legacy, North Mammon, hit/run, the slender man one?

I'm obsessed with JJ this season (CME s17). Obsessed!!!!

The "it's not important" exchange with Emily is killing me. in a great way.

I'll put the rest of my nonsense under a read more.

"200" starts with Emily reading the james burke quote "why should we look to the past in order to prepare for the future? Because there is nowhere else to look" wonderful. Was a reason ever articulated for why JJ specifically was chosen for her DOD assignment? Did Strauss put her up for it? Maybe tptb reached out for profiler/behavioral expertise and Strauss recommended JJ bc of her "non-profiler" profiling background + ability to connect with victims/mothers. Maybe Strauss scored herself political points with this move. Anyway. (yes I'm forever annoyed CM made "mother" JJ's loudest character trait) (but it is an interesting part of her character!!)

[love "200" for the obvious reasons but also bc Faran Tahir!]

The whole reason I started here is to watch the flashback scene with JJ and Emily on the jet on their way to Paris. Emily clocks JJ's whole deal and calls her on it. And oh how the turntables, in s17. In which Emily does NOT clock JJ's deal...and/or, does not call her on it. I don't think there's a world where Emily truly doesn't notice JJ is dealing with something - if she's actually paying attention. Leaving aside any special connection between them, Emily's job, for years, has been partly to manage the well-being of her team. JJ already opened the door, and even though she waved Emily off and Emily is fully occupied with the investigation & her emotional state, etc etc, Emily's not going to just forget. Unless she is really that deep in her own shit, which...it seems that she is, these days! augh!

Wow I haven't seen this in a hot minute. JJ's doing some light profiling of Emily lol. "another tattoo" 👀. "A phoenix, or a blackbird"..."I love the song. But something tells me I shouldn't tread in your waters" (wtf does this mean?!) What exactly makes blackbird 'JJ's waters'? Perhaps JJ suggests a blackbird tattoo bc she has considered that for herself at some point. I'm not up on particular cultural meanings for blackbirds specifically, so the only thing I can think of is the song. In which case...what might that mean to JJ? "take these broken wings and learn to fly / all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise/ ... / take these sunken eyes and learn to see / all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free"

I mean, god, it's easy to imagine a young JJ clinging to this song in some way as she's growing up in her suffocating home after her sister died. And come to think of it, there's a poignant echo there of her realization in 3x18 In Heat, about the unsub "recognizing a freedom in his victims he wanted for himself". Does JJ yearn for freedom? What kind of freedom, freedom from what? Freedom from expectation...freedom from performing particular facsimile(s) of herself. ?? Freedom from the bureaucratic constraints (and like, laws of physics) that prevent her from aiding every case that crossed her desk.

And does s17 JJ still carry that within her, that need for freedom? She's grown SO far from s3 JJ, and so far from s7 JJ too. She is comparatively so self assured now. She also doesn't operate under the same pressures, her responsibilities are arguably less burdensome bc as a profiler she is one among many. She trusts her team and she has a team she can trust. Makes a difference maybe.

"why didn't you say your transfer was a backstop?" god the way AJ plays this. at first she is...ashamed? at Emily calling her out. She looks down, looks a little small, like she thinks she should have hid her secret better. "Ugh. I know that look. The 'I can't trust anybody but myself' look? I invented it." Then JJ lets the facade go, admits she feels like she's in way over her head. Trusts Emily. And the way her voice changes over the course of this conversation! At first she's putting on a bit of a show, trying so hard to keep the tone light. Then we see the cracks, the vulnerability - the uncertainty that has come with having her professional life totally turned upside down, and experiencing consequential failure. Emily helps her get on track by invoking Hotch, and now we get to see and hear the confident, intelligent investigator come to the fore. This is a great scene!!!!

which is capped by a line that is, in retrospect, kinda nonsensical. "sounds like it's time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script". Does this line make sense and I'm missing something? The implication is that JJ has to go on the offensive in order to gain control of the situation & flush out the unsub. But wtf does that have to do with "being the blackbird"? Anyway the more I think about blackbird as some sort of metaphor the less coherent it feels. So I'll just leave it be.

Y'know how it's nuts that JJ names her second kid Michael, given that's also Hastings' first name? Maybe it's some kind of family name, and she decides to 'reclaim' it. Take the sting out of her ordeal. What's the timing of her second pregnancy? Can't remember if it's before or after the one year anniversary of her abduction.

"no more lies. nothing but the truth from now on." Sure, JJ. Okay, JJ. 😬

Girl can't help but lie... "it's not important"... 🙃

Jennifer Jareau. When I first dipped my toe into CM, and then tripped and fell in, I didn't know quite what to make of you. I get it now. You're wonderful and beautiful and beautifully fucked up, and resilient and strong and so so used to going it alone on a fundamental level. It's such a struggle to let someone in. You're magnificent.

[justanotherniky]

30 Day HypMic Challenge!

DAY 4: Favourite Ship

🎤 SAMAICHI

They were my first and they are here to stay. They were the very first characters I was introduced to, and they captured my heart since the start.

I could seriously talk about SamaIchi's dynamic for hours and I have to really try to contain myself!!! Because there are a lot of beautiful and meaningful dynamics in HypMic but they truly do have my heart completely.

The thing about SamaIchi - or, well, how I always interpreted it - is that these two really strong, really tough men that went through so many hardships in life have managed to find the one person that has so much to share and understand with them, because they're so similar to one another, but they also inevitably go head-to-head all the time because of their hardheadedness.

Like, how heartbreaking is it, that in the span of so little time both of them - after already losing their long time best friends - were ripped apart from each other because Chuuoku chose to target the one weakness they both have (their families) that was strong enough to make them doubt each other? How beautiful is it that back at the time of TDD, the only person Samatoki trusted more than Ichiro was Nemu? For both of them, the other was just short of their only family in their list of priorities. And knowing just how much their siblings matter to Samatoki and Ichiro, that just makes my gay little heart weep.

And the thing I ridiculously love about them is the fact that they make each other worse, so much, but they’re also the one person that can make the other better. Because if it gets too much for Ichiro, the only one that can truly relate to him and understand him is Samatoki, and if there is someone that can keep Samatoki’s temper at bay, it’s Ichiro. (and that’s CANON EVERYONE THESE THINGS ARE WHY DOD IS THE BEST MANGA SIDE- gets dragged off stage while clawing at the floor)

And, well, I will have time to rant about this in one of the future days of the challenge, but DO YALL REMEMBER THE DRAMA TRACK "When Six Colours Combine, " " Begins"??? THAT WAS IT FOR ME. THAT DRAMA TRACK BROKE ME. Samaichi in there were just so precious, I literally have that entire 45-minute track memorised. But we'll be talking about it later ;) Just know that I love these silly boys and I could go on for five hundred years but I’m going to spare you lot because unlike me you probably have lives. *chu*

[docholligay]

ahahah I do love that she immediately breaks the rule, though I will admit I find myself wondering if this is a sort of "God's name" type thing.

So in Judaism, you don't say or write the name of God. This is why you'll sometimes see Jews spell it out G-d. Which is totally fair. But there are Jews, like me, who consider "God" itself to be a placeholder title, and not one of the holy names of God, and so it's fine. Are these names she's listing off in sequence placeholders, or are they actual invocations of the evil?

And does it have to do with whether or not you believe they are? If I believed the name "God" to be itself holy, I wouldn't use it. But I don't, so it's no problem! These names she's using mean nothing to me. If I had the belief that they DOD have power, would that itself give them power?

[dontcallpanic]

hi there darling! I've got a pretty ask for you🩵

do you have any favorite quotes? why do you like them?

and, if you feel like they are incomplete or missing a bit, how would you complete them and why?

wish you a wonderful day and hope you're living the best life🫂🫂

Helo cariad! This is a pretty ask thank you SO much! You can definitely bet anything precious to you that this will be return served!

I have... Some... favourite quotes. I have a memory like a fish for them though so had to do some googling for ones I recognised. I've tried to cherry pick too for brevity!

They fall into three categories:

Proverbs/sayings

These are some of my favourites I have to admit!

Dod yn ôl at Fy Nghoed - which literally means coming back to my trees but on a deeper meaning is something like finding balanced/calm sense of mind! I love this one because i've had a number of lovely people say this to me at really important moments over the years. It really helps me find my 'roots!'

If ever tha does owt for nowt, do it for thisen - this an old yorkshire proverb which is quite famous but means if you ever do something for nothing, do it for yourself. Husbands family are deep yorkshire so I'm borrowing this one! Personally the way I interpret this is to be well, if you're going to do something for nothing, make sure you're enjoying it. Make sure it's something you care about, make sure it's worthwile to you. I mean this probably applies, even if you're getting something from it!

Words to live by

Dywed yn dda am dy gyfail, am dy elyn dywed ddim- This means speak well of your friend; of your enemy say nothing! There's an old matriarch of the village where I grew up who always said this to me. I really like it, not least because this way any enemies will never know what you're really up too and it's important to shout nice things about your friends.

Don't let the buggers get you down - my nain was a gentle firecracker of a woman and she ALWAYS said this to me. I stand by these words.

Fun/Book Quotes

Not all those who wander are lost (JRR Tolkien) - This is a favourite hobby of mine. Wandering and getting lost - but not really! But it works on multiple levels

It's still magic even if you know how it's done (Terry Pratchett - a Hat Full of Sky) - I love trying to keep that amazement alive. I have a social science research background, heavy on the science, but just becuase you can offer up an explanation for something, doesn't make it any less incredible. Plus, magic is awesome!

There have been times, lately, when I dearly wished that I could change the past. Well I can't, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out to be a past worth having (Terry Pratchett - I Shall Wear Midnight) - This comes back to hope for the future and control of my life which are two very important things! I try to remind myself of this whenever things feel shit or overwhelming.

Cymer Amser, Cymer Ofal. Take time, take care - I have this framed on a picture behind my desk. And I love it... link/credit below! Just pure words to live by - it reminds me to breathe and to have compassion - for others and myself.

I was thinking - and I know that this is a cop out but I don't think I would add to any of these quotes. But I will explain - I have a bad memory for quotes so I like the shorter ones, or the ones that get accross a snapshot or a vibe or a sense of something so that the emotion of it lingers with you even if the words don't. Becuase of that, I don't think I would change anything about these - I like them just the way they are, because they are the way they are!

I hope this does some kind of justice to your ask - sorry if it's a bit... endless... or boring!

@gege-wondering-around Sending you lots of sunshine and nice things and a day/week that's full of joy and all the things you need! I hope you are living the BEST life too! Take time, take care! Cariad mawr!

[ryuseiphilia]

my issue(s) with the kpop community

(ignore the image i tried to make this aesthetic but this whole post is me complaining so my dearest apologies)

ok, i KNOW i'm a kpop stan myself but can we pretty please use our noggins for their intended purpose?? obvs not targeted towards ALL stans, but some of y'all jump the the wildest of conclusions very quickly.

one of the things that truly baffled me at first sight was that some internet dwellers decided to sit on zb1's gunwook for eating strawberries. literal fruits. i get it, it was nawt bro's cake but cut my homie some slack!! if the other members felt shit that he devoured eleven strawberries then they probably would've expressed that by now. i don't think zb1 wants some little internet pussies to convey their emotions for them.

another thing that got me bewildered was the whole eruption after the taeil from nct announcement. like, this paragraph is not defending that man by the slightest... however why are some of these people coming on here being like "i feel so bad for taeil stans..." and "omg ppl that spent money on taeil must be in pain :(("... girl... what about the victims??? what about the people that were actually violated??? you're saying you're sorry for someone that spent a flabbergasting amount of money on a male idol instead of firstly expressing condolences for the victims?? like, yeah, i DO feel bad for people that have spent money on taeil's merchandise... but girl there are worse things happening right now. the world isn't going to collapse because you didn't burn your taeil photocards. instead, you should try validate the real victims by not discussing such unnecessary things.

the whole seunghan thing genuinely made my jaw unhinge and drop several feet below because GIRL... people dancing casually after sending hundreds of FUNERAL WREATHS (with death threats on them) is actually batshit crazy. no, because.... mans came back just to instantly be pushed away. what? because you k-netizens couldn't handle the fact he had a life before debut and that he, i dunno, is a human??? parasocial ahh because GIRRRRRRRRRLLLLLL. yk i want to be an idol (my ass has NOT auditioned yet) but it's things like this that stop me from wanting to become one. if my twitter, instagram, tiktok, all that jazz resurfaced as an idol and especially during debut... i'd sob because people will over-analyse it all. like, just because seunghan did this does not make him horrible now!!! i know the smoking was slightly more controversial because it's unhealthy, but dating?? DATING??? i was genuinely baffled beyond my utmost belief at the sheer SHOCK. the photos.... people on weverse setting the photos as their pfps, people on twitter posting 'reminders' with the photos... why dod they have those saved??? it's not only obsessive, but kind of parasocial that you're acting like you got wrongingly cheated on by a guy who doesn't even know who you are. i really hope our GOAT seunghan comes back as a soloist or something (hopefully under good management too) because he, everything aside, spent a lot of time training to be an idol just for this to happen.

also not directly a certain idol but why do we, as kpop stans, care about an idols weight and appearance so much?? i know majority of stans are normal and not weird af but there's a minority that actually put their little nerd glasses on and their fingers up that complain like "omg (insert female idol) lowkey lookin big back these days) LIKE HUHHH??? girl please weigh yourself and tell us the result before calling someone fat. especially a random celebrity of all people. all jokes aside, i'm sure the person criticizing an idols weight would feel quite stink if someone did the same to them. so just, uh, dont??? also people that complain when idols dye their hair something different because they like a certain color on that idol are genuinely crazy. like, take a step back and relax. because.... wdym you're having cardiac arrest just because your fave left their blonde era...... i think we as fans shouldn't be so focused on the little things and just enjoy the art!! the music!! the dance!! yes, appearance comes along with it, but it isn't like their stylist is going to make them look like that ratatouille rat....

N E WAYZ if you've read this much already i really applaud you and hope you have a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL WONDERRRRRFUL day for putting up with this yapping for a whole post. my complaints might not be as many or as long as they should be, but i'm simply venting my utter frustration as best i can without getting banned off of every platform i have. so yeah. follow me for more hit posts like this one 🤫🥶😈

[despair-to-future-arcs]

I’m sorry that you had to go through that.

I'm...sorry that happen, I remember seeing the 2nd trial and felt bad for Chihiro but hearing about his killer; it... does make me feel sorry for him.

Yeah and Mondo still blamed himself for it all, he just... didn't move at Diaya's alter and after everyone left, I...I had to stay something...

...

...

...

Date: June 13th, 2009

*walks inside* Mondo... are you still in here?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diaya Owada

DoB: Mar. 13th, 1990

DoD: June 9th, 2009

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diaya, I...I just... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry this happen; why...why did I think challenging you was a good idea...?

*Mondo was kneeling down, seeming to be at Diaya's alter*

Mondo... (He's still pretty torn up about what happen, I gotta say something...)

*walks over and stands beside him* Hey Mondo... I'm sorry about what happen...

Takemichi, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be going, the Crazy Diamonds are done for...

Done for? But...But Diaya gave you the position, he trust you and knows you'll lead us well...

Lead? Look what fucking happen, my older brother die because I was an arrogant piece of shit that thought I needed to prove myself and look what fucking happen!

My older brother died because I got reckless, if...if I didn't challenge him then maybe, maybe he would still be here! Why...why didn't I die instead of him? He deserves to be alive instead of me, I fucking kill him I'm a worhtless murderer!

*POW!*

*As then Takemichi punched Mondo in the face, Mondo was shock*

Mondo, snap the fuck out of it dude! Look, what happen was an accident and I'm sure you didn't mean to kill Diaya, no one blames you for that and even if you did, I'm sure Diaya would not want you beating yourself up if he was seeing you right now!

Your one of the strongest guys I know, you were given the position to lead us and no one faults you for any of it; Diaya got in the way to save you, hell I'll help you lead it as a second in command, after all I owe you for helping me, so c'mon... I'm sure the others are worry about ya.

Takemichi...

Ye-Yeah... your right, I...I shouldn't be sitting like this, I know I gotta be strong for the others and move forward, I have to be; I'm sure Diaya would want that.

*Mondo gets up*

So... do you want to sit here or should tell the others.

Nah, I'll do it myself and uh Takemichi, thanks for saying that and punching, felt like I needed it...

Well of course, now c'mon - let's go and speak with the others, yeah?

Yeah...

Let's go, I don't wanna keep up the rest of the guys, we need to lead the Crazy Diamonds in my brother stead...

*Mondo and Takemichi walk out of the alter room...*

'I became Mondo's second-in-command and help lead the Diamonds to what they were; we may have trash and done stuff, I still don't regret joining them; they were my only family and I really owe them that much...'

[akkivee]

rambling about the tdd manga because i can lol:

the entire thing sure did reinforce how convoluted chuuoku’s schemes are lol all that just to test run and create the drbs bruh 😭😭😭

the line at the end where ichijiku and otome are discussing how much more poignant the battles are because they brought them together and then forced them to fight is all sorts of fcked up y’all 😭😭😭😭😭😭

anyway from the beginning lol the mic otome uses is a different mic from even just the next chapter, i wonder if it’s just an non-finalized design or an early iteration of the mic???? like rio has a prototype mic and this is not that lmao. aaaaah but rio’s might be military grade prototype and otome has the version rei presumably finalised on his own???? a different version altogether???? hmmm 🤔

nemu is 16 in that first chapter and ichiro is 17 which would mean all the territory disputes, fixes, and mozuku’s plot to usurp mcd took place in a week lol hypmic’s timeline is SHAKY

(the official timeline helps this a little actually lol)

(maybe)

kuukou, swinging red flags from the beginning making fun of ichiro’s mom lol, also fcked around making fun of samatoki’s dead father and found tf out lmao

kuukou is an entire menace in the tdd manga i see why i had a hard time telling myself not to like him when he first showed up lmao

that theory kuukou might have some sort of brain damage wound up slightly reinforced when kuukou remembered sasara reused an old joke when he seemed to have forgotten that sasara is not funny by the time they reunited lmao he has a great memory in the tdd manga

(that joke sasara reused was only in samatoki’s presence too so kuukou also broke some sort of dimensional wall lmao)

speaking of sasara!!!!!!

ikeBOOBkuro????? really????? and then he had that dumbshit d🍆ck joke he made in dod the clowns DO NOT have rights!!!!!!!!!!

lol tho every time i read these early chapters with sasara, aramaki-san’s track 3 sasara always comes to mind lol like mcd sasara was intimidating actually that’s exactly why track 3 sasara is like that 😭😭😭😭😭😭

hmmmm are the special forces or whatever that tried to hijack the hospital jakurai worked at the same as rio’s special forces???? i’ll have to keep that in mind reading bbmtc manga lol

I STILL BELIEVE JAKURAIS WAVE TECHNIQUE WAS THE VERY FIRST ITERATION OF THE HYPNOSIS MIC TECH

still a little pissed mcd vs nb was the first drb in structure and symbolism (forced conflict created by a higher ruling power used to gain/reinforce power by said higher power and wound up entertaining the masses) and yet sasara and kuukou were booted out of the narrative like that

there was a moment where i Almost Almost considered that ramuda had started to consider bringing sasara and kuukou into his plans in chapter 11 based on how pissed he looked after ichijiku told him they brainwashed them. it’s more likely that ramuda’s mad another ‘him’ died more than anything but it’s nice to consider lol

the terrorist scene where nemu and the baby yamada bros got kidnapped is still insane btw

iconic samajuto first(?) meeting lol lemme just handcuff myself to this man who is already listening to me said juto lmao

NEMUS NERVES OF STEEL FR AN OLD MAN THREATENS BODILY HARM TO HER BUT LITERALLY NOBODY IS SCARIER TO HER THAN HER FATHER SO SHE NEVER FLINCHED

JIROS FIRST BETRAYAL ITS NO WONDER HE STARTED ADOPTING SOME OF ICHIROS SELF PRESERVATION LESSONS

THE FACT SABURO BLOCKED NEMU OUT FROM HIS MEMORY SO LIKELY THIS ENTIRE KIDNAPPING????? PLS PROTECT THE CHILDREN HE HAS PTSD YALL AT 11

and what was UP with that orphanage director in the first place???? who do you choose: money grubbing, child labour exploiting for hoes orphanage director or murderous, gets off on torture and sells children for their superiority complex orphanage director

like WTF????

(also: that extra bb tdd chapter is fcked up too you know mozuku only told ichiro about that first director wasting funds because he wanted to replace him with his associate 🤬)

the face nemu makes when samatoki starts kicking her kidnappers while they’re down help 😭😭😭😭😭😭

in the final tdd bonus, they adapted jakurai’s story he told to dohifu during their championship celebration and used that story to show jakurai had already been slowly awakening his ability. so i think it’s incredible smic didn’t suffer from hearing loss after slamming sticks into their eardrums lol maybe that’s where sensei’s ability started forming

kuukou in chapter 9: man check out all these cute girls!!!! 😁

kuukou in the nb drama track: why tf would you pay to talk to women????

(very unrelated instances lol but hilarious out of context tho)

kuukou and sasara going home in the same direction gave them time to talk and get to know each other and i wanna know what their conversations were about soooooo bad bro 😭😭😭😭

mcd/nb break up Did Not Happen I Do Not See It 😑

that moment where samatoki tells nemu ichiro’s kindness is his weakness because he saw ichiro’s breakdown over kuukou leaving him is— it’s kinda— 😭😭😭😭😭😭

yotsutsuji is an unsung mvp in this manga lol look at all the legwork he put in managing territories and finding intel

tdd was the group ramuda made and it was the group he made for himself but it was never his in the first place 😕

but if yotsutsuji never found out ramuda’s secret, or here; if yotsutsuji didn’t manage to send jakurai an email about it, idk if rmjk would have separated???? like what was the plan for jakurai??? ramuda said jakurai was his nirvana so i guess until chuuoku forced it, kp likely would have stayed together huh?? 🤔

ramuda: chuuoku kidnapped your brothers ichiro!!!!!

ichiro: AGAIN?????

me: damn took the words right out of my mouth lmao

samatoki’s beef with ichiro came from the lies they had nemu tell samatoki but like,,,,,,,,,,,, i kinda wanna know how the damage would have shaped if nemu hadn’t been brainwashed and went on her own will,,,,,,,,,,,

like ichiro admitted he likely would have done the same thing as samatoki but that hurt and betrayal at that moment……..????? well ig it’d go the same way in the end lol

chapter 9 had a conversation with rei and otome where rei praises her son for having balls lol so dice was on the run by 18 and making a name for himself lol i need to keep that in mind for a certain few chapters in both fpmtr runs

i thought it was interesting the battle that brought japan under tdd took place in osaka lol

also came out of this experience wondering once again when did ichiro get his hypnosis ability lol like ramuda already had his jakurai’s developed throughout the story, as did samatoki’s on the dl, but ichiro????

also came out of this very concerned for what this story has in store for nemu again lol like the way rhyme anima put focus on what she could possibly do as well as the end of this manga having otome and ichijiku musing her ability and skill might rival ichijiku’s 🤔

ooooooh and that kp bonus chapter!!!!!! ramuda had jakurai suffering under that waterfall lol like he was about to contract hypothermia after a little bit and ramuda ‘reasons’ it’s good training for taking hits without being knocked out SO YOU KNOW WHO REGULARLY TRAINS UNDER WATERFALLS FOR HOURS AT A TIME WITH A FOCUS BASED ABILITY HARAI KUUKOU—