#why do people never check their grammar before posting

[swagdinner]

[essenceofelegance]

A Year || LN4

summary: A year can really change someone in a lot of ways.

genre: fluff

warnings: none

notes: THIS IS MY FIRST SMAU SO LMK WHAT YOU THINK! also english is literally my third language and this isn't proof read/ grammar checked so mistakes are bound to appear :(

SMAU/ Written

Summer 2023

Max Fewtrell added a video to their story.

tagged: @/yourusername @/LandoNorris

yourusername posted!

yourusername Ibiza!!

liked by landonorris, lilymhe, maxfewtrell and 94,879 other

tagged: @/LandoNorris @/MaxFewtrell

user1 DJ LANDO!!

user2 y/n feeding us dj land content. she's the real queen here

user3 I thought y/n said she didn't like to go clubbing

➥ user4 maybe she's just there to be with lando

user5 bro did anyone see that video on TikTok? y/n looked so uncomfortable I feel so bad for her

➥ user6 RIGHT?

➥ user7 she's such a good girlfriend, if I were her, I would've just left lando at the club by himself lolol

user8 salivating bc Dj landooo

user9 BARK BARK BARK

➥ user10 y/n looking at this be like...

user11 does anyone know what club theyre at?!! I'm in ibiza I wanna meet them!!

➥ user12 bro leave them alone

➥ user13 @/user12 I don't see a problem 🤷

-

You never liked clubbing.

After all, you were only here because of Lando.

The music was too loud, people were pushing up against you, you never really liked to drink because you had a really low alcohol tolerance, you could make an entire list of why a club was not your go-to hang out.

"Lan," you yelled, trying to speak over the music, "Yeah?" He said, taking one side of his DJ headphones off so he could speak to you.

"Can we go back?" You asked. There was nothing you wanted more than to go back to the comfort of your hotel room with your boyfriend.

"It's only midnight." Lando said, "Why would you wanna go back? Are you not having fun?" Land asks you, but you could tell he wasn't really focused on you. You could see it in his eyes.

"I don't wanna stay any longer, clubbing isn't really my thing." You said, a hint of pleading in your tone.

"Soon, baby, okay?" Lando said, not even giving you a chance to protest before turning back to his DJ set.

You sighed in defeat, before retreating to a quieter corner of the club.

It was going to be a long night, like any other you've spent in a club, with Lando.

Summer 2024

Max Fewtrell added a photo to their story.

tagged: @/LandoNorris

yourusername added a photo to their story.

tagged: @/LandoNorris

Lando Norris added a photo to their story.

caption: taking pictures of my pretty girl

tagged: @/lando.jpg @/yourusername

yourusername ibizaaaa im backk

liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend, alexandrasaintmleux and 107,897 others

tagged: @/LandoNorris @/yourbestfriend @/MaxFewtrell

alexandrasaintmleux miss you! ♥ by author

lilymhe ditch him for me!!! ♥ by author

➥ yourusername say less 💍

➥ landonorris ???????? @/AlexAlbon

➥ alexalbon atp im used to it

user1 both of them are so pretty its not fair

user2 no DJ Lando content?!

user3 Not even following y/n because she's lando's girlfriend, im following her bc she's Y/N

user4 that jawline

user5 why do they keep going back to Ibiza

➥ user6 litt, like, why can't they go literally ANYWHERE ELSE

user7 OMGOMGMG I WAS tHERE AND I SAW LANDO GO UP TO Y/N FROM BEHIND AND LITERALLY PULLED HER INTO HIM BY THE WAIST AHHHHHHHHHH

➥ user8 WHATTTTT

➥ user9 picture or it didn't happen

user10 dj lando...?

-

You were about to head to the bar to get another drink, seeing as Lando wouldn't want to leave anytime soon, and your best friend was probably hooking up with some hot Spanish guy, when you felt a pair of familiar arms wrap themselves around your waist, the familiar scent of Lando's cologne surrounding you, along with the smell of alcohol.

Lando nuzzled his head into your neck, mumbling something quietly, so quiet you couldn't hear him over the club music.

"What is it?" You said, raising your voice slightly, so he could hear you over the loud buzzing of the club music.

"Nothing." He mumbled, "Missed you, is all."

A small smile unwittingly showed up on your face, "Im gonna go get a drink. Go party."

But, Lando shook his head, "Can we go back to the hotel? I wanna cuddle." He said into your neck, instinctively pulling you closer.

You were shocked, to say the least. A year ago, he wouldn't leave the club no matter how hard you tried to convince him. He was a party animal, but now, he was asking if you wanted to leave.

You checked the time on your phone, it was barely midnight, Lando never left anything before midnight, let alone a club.

"Why, are you feeling sick?" You asked him, turning around to face him.

His arms wrapped themselves back around your waist, "What?" He asked, a hint of amusement in his tone. "No." He said, "just wanna cuddle with you."

"That's new." You commented as you brought your arms up to wrap around his neck.

"I always wanna cuddle." Lando said.

"Yeah, but not at the extent of leaving the club early." You said.

"Can we please go?" He mumbled again, looking at you like a puppy.

You nodded after a few seconds, "Never liked clubbing that much anyway, I only come to be with you."

As Lando and you and Lando were heading towards the exit of the club, you bumped into Max (Fewtrell). "Leaving so soon?" He asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Yeah," Lando nodded, "Going back to the hotel to cuddle with my girl." He said, raising you hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

"You've really changed him," Max joked, "Lando being the first to leave? Never in a billion years."

You laughed, "Believe me, I don't believe it either."

"Can we go?" Lando all but whined.

You laughed again, "Okay, okay, lets go."

You waved goodbye to Max and led Lando out the club, and when Max saw his best friend look at you like you were the one who hung the stars in the sky, he knew you'd changed him for the better. And that his best mate was well and truly, in love.

-

yourusername sleepy boy chronicles 🤪

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, yourbestfriend and 108,950 others

tagged: @/LandoNorris

landonorris at least I look cute ♥ by author

➥ yourusername can't disagree with that

user1 how does one fall asleep in the middle of packing?

user2 hes jus like us  🥺

➥ user3 relatable king

landonorris I was only that tired because you kept me up all night doing cardio..

user4 lando and y/n are so cute tgt I cannot

user5 Im convinced Lando only made it to 24 because of Y/n

➥ yourusername I mean..

➥ landonorris hey!

user6 Lando has no bad angles

user7 I SAW THAT LANDO

➥ user8 y/n is just a girl and lando is just a boy.. they need their cardio ;) ♥ by author

➥ user8 Y/N PLS MARRY ME

landonorris ❤️

liked by yourusername, maxfewtrell, carlossainz55 and 709,897 others

yourusername is this what you do in your free time? take pictures of pretty girls?

➥ landonorris only of the ones that I love more than anything

➥ yourusername so you're saying there's more than one? 🤨

maxfewtrell Happy for you, mate ♥ by author

comments are limited

[getyourdirtyhandsoffme]

D-RIDING?! PART TWO (18+)

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

GENDER: FTM READER (M!READER FRIENDLY)

SUMMARY: You, a famous YouTuber, got noticed by idol crush, Bang Chan, from an "accidental" drunk tweet you made when he was in BuzzFeed. Now you are waiting in your house to make that tweet into a reality.

GENRE(S): Smut (mercy on me yall), Explicit, Fluff, comedy (cringe because I need one mentally)

SEPARATE WARNING(S):

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ READER:

Role(s): Submissive Bottom. You are a versatile bottom because I said so.

Genitals: I made it separate since there are people out there who do have a bottom surgery.

T-dick section: So one will have you having a t-dick (mentions of squirting).

Dick Section: While a separate one in the same post will have you having a Penis.

(I don't want y'all feeling uncomfortable/Gender Dysphoria as a TransMan myself)

Names: Pretty boy, Baby boy, Handsome, Cutie, Sweetheart

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ CHAN:

Role(s): Dominate Top. Made him Versatile too.

Genitals: He has a big dick because of the big nose theory.

Names: Chan, Chris, love, pretty boy

OTHER WARNING(S): You both are virgins, Oral (Reader receiving), Mentions of Vagina/T-Dick(Mentions of squirting) for the reader along with a separate one of you having a Dick. Nipple play (Reader receiving), Reader getting Manhandled kinda, Choking? Not breathplay. Cum licking, Mentions of your chest scars (or just chest) Fingering. Anal sex. Beggingish?. Praising. Different words for Dick and Vagina. Crying (reader)

OTHER(S): y'all, please have mercy on me! I never wrote smut before so this might make me leap over a bridge!

Please like, reblog and/or comment for my dignity.

Tags: @braveangel777 @1s3v3n1 @kodasstar @webwanderer @coralblook @ironhyacinth @bitchyzombienacho

IM BEING SO FR, I CANT WRITE SMUT- I CANT WRITE SMUT! HAVE MERCY ON ME AHHHH!

(I DIDNT PROOF READ OR HAD GRAMMAR CHECK, YALL GOT IT!)

It was refreshing.

You lay yourself down on your bed wearing your pajamas, silk pajamas, covering your naked body. The silk only stops at your thighs.

You waited for Chan to message you as you scroll through your fans' comments; requesting collabs, games, or other content to record.

You keep on scrolling, almost forgetting about the whole sexual situation going on until you hear a knock from your front door.

You walk out from your bedroom, holding your phone out and texting him if he was the one behind the door of your front entrance.

CB97: Why don't you find out, Cutie?

You sighed, as you slowly unlocked the door then slowly opened the door to check it was actually him.

A white hand pushes the door fully, revealing the man himself, smirking at you. He was wearing a black shirt, compressing his muscles with baggy sweatpants.

He was checking you out, blushing a bit from the silk pajamas going nice with your figure and skin color.

"Don't you look lovely, pretty boy?" Chris comments, his eyes still lingering in your body.

You felt yourself getting flustered, shy even just from him staring at you. He steps closer to you while closing the door behind him.

"Can I touch you?"

You nodded and just by that Chris leans into you, kissing your soft lips while his hands roam around your waist, while one hand grips your butt.

You moaned softly around his mouth.

Your arms around his neck as your hands slowly reach to his shirt, gripping it as you push your face away from Chris.

He looks at you confused, giving you almost puppy eyes.

You thought it was cute. Yousmirked as you took him to your room.

He looks around, admiring your room until you smash your face into his lips again, catching him off guard but quickly kissed you back.

You both feel impatient, as you take off Chan's black shirt as he pushes you down on the bed, prying off the silk pajamas.

"You are already naked underneath, you were really expecting me, huh?" His accent, his voice raspy, making you want him more and more.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎WARNING: T-DICK SECTION

For the people with no bottom surgery/testosterone:

He had you trapped, both of his hands holding your waist as he leans into your chest, giving a few kisses on your chest scar (or chest)

"So handsome..." He mutters as he continues on kissing you as you feel his hands reaching up to your chest, caressing your nipples as the other hand reaches between your thighs.

You moaned, feeling his fingers playing around your folds.

"You are so wet for me, baby boy. Do I really get you this wet? I'm so flattered..." He whispers into your ear.

All you can do is moan, nodding your head as you feel your thighs parting from each other.

You look down to see Chan giving a few kisses on your left thigh then giving a few more kisses, almost getting closer to your wet folds.

"I want to taste you so bad, would you let me taste you, sweetheart?" He looks up at you, waiting for your response.

"Please, Chris! I need you.."

He smiles, leaning his head towards your t-dick, immediately licking and sucking your folds. Even getting closer to your small dick, giving a few licks.

You moaned, as you moved your bottom area getting more pleasure, almost riding his face. You even felt his nose touching your dick, sending more pleasure into your body.

Chan lets you as he continues on licking and sucking, moaning a bit, sending vibrations through your body.

You continue on moving your body, feeling yourself getting close. Your body is twitching, as Chris raises his fingers closer to your t-dick, rubbing quickly as you moan even louder.

"Chris—a~ah, I'm cumming! F-fuck!"

He sucks harder and even rubs even faster until you finally cum, squirting.

Chan licks one more time as he moves his face away slowly as he stands up, admiring your sweaty figure.

You sit up as your legs twitch a bit.

"Damn, I squirted. This kinda embarrassing..."

Chan just laughed as he leans closer to your face giving a few kisses to your forehead and cheek.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎WARNING: DICK SECTION

For the people with bottom surgery/has a dick:

He had you trapped, both of his hands holding your waist as he leans into your chest, giving a few kisses on your chest scar. (Or chest)

"So handsome..." He mutters as he continues on kissing you as you feel his hands reaching up to your chest, caressing your nipples as the other hand reaches between your thighs.

You moaned, feeling his fingers playing the tip of your dick.

"You are so hard for me, baby boy. Do I really get you this hard? I'm so flattered..." He whispers into your ear.

All you can do is moan, nodding your head as you feel your thighs parting from each other.

You look down to see Chan giving a few kisses on your left thigh then giving a few more kisses, almost getting closer to your hard cock.

"I want to taste you so bad, would you let me taste you, sweetheart?" He looks up at you, waiting for your response.

"Please, Chris! I need you.."

He smiles, leaning his head towards your dick, immediately licking and sucking the tip. Pushing his head down, giving you a good suck.

You moaned, as you moved your bottom area getting more pleasure, almost riding his face. Chan lets you as he continues on licking and sucking, moaning a bit, sending vibrations through your body.

You continue on moving your body, feeling yourself getting close. Your body is twitching, as Chris raises his hands closer to your balls, fumbling around as you moan even louder.

"Chris—a~ah, I'm cumming! F-fuck!"

He sucked harder and faster until you finally cum, some hitting his face.

Chan licks one more time as he moves his face away slowly as he stands up, admiring your sweaty figure.

You sit up as your legs twitch a bit.

"Damn, that felt weird...."

Chan just laughed as he leans closer to your face giving a few kisses to your forehead and cheek.

"But, you enjoyed it didn't you?" He questions, as he continues on kissing your face.

"I did, but let's get into the main event, shall we?" Chris chuckles as you stand back up, holding between his baggy pants, pushing it down and throwing it to the side.

He looks down at you while chuckling again, smirking from how impatient you were.

His dick flings up, standing a bit straight and even dripping with pre-cum.

You licked your lips, your mouth just watering from the sight of his dick, however, you felt yourself getting kinda scared since it looks big.

"Chan, how big is your dick? I mean I knew it was big because of the nose theory..."

"Huh, what nose theory?"

"Focus on the question and not the nose theory—I'll tell you that later."

You look up at him as he thinks, then shrug.

"I don't know, I never measured my dick before..."

"Fuck you mean you never measured your dick? You know what, wait right here. You grab the lube and the condom from the cabinet next to my bed."

Chan did exactly what you said while still looking perplexed that his dick size really bothered you that much.

You came back, holding a measuring tape.

You sat back down on the bed as you told Chris to come clover to your face. You felt his dick touching your cheek.

You licked your lips as you raised the measuring tape. Chan just chuckled on how focused you were.

"Is it really that serious...?"

You just nodded until you reached the top of the tip.

"Damn, 8 inches? I guess OT8 is for life, huh?"

Chan groans, as he smacks on top of your head softly. "Don't ever say that again..." He jokingly said, shaking his head, smiling.

"Anyways, let's continue."

"Gladly." He says as he pushes you down, putting you into a mating press.

You hear a bottle cap opened making you shivered in anticipation.

He squirts a generous amount into his fingers.

You felt his fingers circling around your rim as his other hand gripped your neck, holding you down.

You whimpered, shaking your butt for him to just insert in already.

"P-please Chris~ Fuck, hurry up!" You whined.

"Sorry baby boy, let me give you what you want~" He teases you as you feel one of his fingers inserting in.

You hiss in pain, not used to the feeling at all. Chan shushes you as he tries to calm you down, giving you a few kisses in your back.

"It will feel good, I promise..."

You calm yourself down, moving your waist side to side.

He gently plays with your rim as he slowly inserts another one. You hissed a bit but you could slowly feel the pleasure going through your body.

He continues on fucking you until he hits a certain area making you moaned along with your toes curling.

"Found it..." He whispers, hitting your prostate while inserting the third finger in.

You moaned, sending Chris's dick even harder; throbbing and aching in pain. He was getting hot and bothered—impatient—but he didn't want you to feel uncomfortable so he continued on. He adds a fourth one just in case after finding out his dick was 8 inches.

"Chan, love, just put it in already!" You whined.

You didn't need to tell him twice.

He quickly rips the plastic out with his teeth then taking the condom out and putting it on his dick.

He quickly takes his fingers off as he lines his dick up your hole, tapping it a few times until he slowly inserts the tip in.

You hissed again. Even though his fingers were thick, nothing could beat his thick cock (corny).

He apologized softly, while he hissed too from the clench.

"Fuck, so tight. I'm going to push in more, okay sweetheart?"

All you can do was whine while he slowly pushes in more. You both hissed again as you felt tears coming out of your eyes.

Chris hands both made it to your waist, going in circles.

He inserts more until finally he fills you whole.

He waits as he groans, your hole tightening around him as he tries not to cum just from it. He bites his lip as he caresses you again.

You felt warmth in your chest, loving the care from Chris and the fact he even was waiting for you to get used to his size.

You smiled softly as you shook your butt, making him grip your waist.

"You can move, love~"

Just like that, he pulls his dick out and slams back into you making you moan. He was already going rough, almost like a crazy animal.

He keeps on going, angeling himself a bit as he slams again and again, hitting your prostate.

You moaned even louder, gripping the sheets.

"F-FUCK~♡ CHRIS A~AH!" You cried out in pleasure as he continued on abusing your prostate. You felt overwhelmed by the amount of pleasure he was giving you.

You both moaned out of pleasure feeling yourself getting closer. He was getting closer as well, you feel his dick twitch inside of you.

He leans in, his chest on top of your back, whispering sweet words to your ears making you shiver.

"P-pretty boy~ I'm about to cum...Are you about to cum as well? Hmm?" He whispers.

You repeated the word 'Yes' as he continued slamming until finally you both released. Chan's cum filling the condom whole.

He steps out, taking the condom out and tying it then throwing it away into the garbage bin.

You turn your body around, laying flat, your back facing the bedsheets as you calm yourself down.

Chan walks up to you then lies down next to you. "I never did this before so I wanna know (Knaur) if I did good?"

You smiled, feeling horny all of sudden from his sweet voice. His duality from being all dominant to almost submissive—You kinda wanna ride him until he breaks.

"it's my first time as well, Chan and you did so well for me, love..." You said to him, kissing him all over his face.

He chuckles, smiling widely from your praises until he yawns, clearly drained.

"I'm tired, my body is tired. Maybe we should've had sexs not around the performance. Haha!" He laughs, not noticing your eyes staring into him like you were going to devour him.

"Yeah, but, I'm quite disappointed..." You sadly said—well pretending to be sad—using your fingers to trace around his neck.

"h-huh? Why? You said I did good?" He sits up, looking at you like a sad puppy. (There is no pet play)

"of course! You did so well, but my tweet. You remember it don't you?" You said calmly as you continued on looking at him.

He thinks for a second until his face turns red.

"O-oh."

Oh indeed.

"B-but, aren't you tired, I'm quite tired myself..." He rambles until you shut him up by placing your hands around his mouth.

"But you promise you want to make that tweet into reality, right? I want to ride your dick until you cry. Calling my name. Plus, I'm doing all the work. You can just lay down and look pretty, my pretty boy~"

His face turns even more red, all of sudden turning shy and weak. His cock going hard again, throbbing in anticipation.

"Even your dick seems to agree with me~"

You can't wait to actually make that tweet into reality.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Ending (myself) in part three.

YALL IMMA KMS, I CANT WRITE SMUT WTF AHHHH

[theangelcatalogue]

WHAT'S WRONG? || YANDERE FRANCIS X READER! || ★!

★ - Romantic or Platonic(?)!

★ - Gender Neutral reader!

★ - One shot!

★ - Before we start: Idk why i did this, but i saw fics of him, and people going crazy over him, so why not?? I don't even write for that's not my neighbour, but i love the game! So let' go! Also sorry if is confusing! My mind is kinda tired and idk why i wrote this at 1AM(Is i wrote this at 1AM, remade some parts and posted it at 2AM) (Pls check Tw before reading it! <3)

★ - TW: YANDERE, DOPPELGANGER, BLOOD, BAD ENGLISH, BAD GRAMMAR AND MADE BY A MINOR!!! PLEASE TELL ME IF I MISSED SOMETHING!!!

   ˚๑ ✦ Y/N!!! ✦ ๑°

・・・ ★ ・・・

︶ ꒷ ︶ ꒷ ꒦

Just a normal day in work!

This work is not that bad, i mean, i have to focus in every single neighbor, check some papers and be careful because some of than can be actually doppelgangers that will kill me and the persons that live here? Yeah-

But is guess i am getting used to it! And some neighbors are really nice! And others are just weird and rude! But what i can do? People are like that!

It's kinda weird that no one is showing up now, but i can have some time to rest now! Just me, a good coffee and my jornal/book(it can be a jornal or a book!)

Now i am just reading, waiting for anyone, i mean the today's list is short today! Lucky me i guess? I get kinda focused in the reading, the content is kinda depressing and boring, but is what i have for now

" Hello Y/n. "

I heard someone saying, Oh! I can't forget this voice!

" Francis! Tired as always? Well, let's see if you are in todays list! "

I said not taking the eyes of my jornal/book, i am lucky that Francis is the one who showed up! He is kinda nice! Just a tired guy but hey! He is a hardworker!

" Sounds good for me. Here is my entry request and ID "

I could notice him giving the papers, now i notice his hand is kinda dirty and his voice is kinda off, more tired than usual...

" Oh! Thanks- "

I respond him finally taking my eyes of the book, now i can see Francis better let's say, he is covered in a red liquid with a weird smell

It is what i am thinking? Oh yeah! A doppelganger! But i never thought a doppelganger would commit a error like that, why blood...? Some are a missing eye, others just say peach and others are a long neck and etc, what if is not a doppelganger...?

" What's wrong Y/n? Something wrong about the papers? "

He says noticing that i am kinda nervous, i just pick the papers and the clickboard as usual, first thing to question?

His looks.

" Francis! What happend? You are corvered in...what is that? Can you explain? "

Francis just looks at his outifit and then back at me, the same tired look, but something about the way he looks at me is different, i can't tell what is

" Oh this? It's a new milk! Scarlett Milk! It's a Milk with Red coloring, and Yes, it's food coloring! Not used in clothes... "

" Really Francis? So tell me! How did you got corvered in...Scarlett Milk...? "

He was getting tired of me questioning i guess, okay, i have three options!

1. It's really a milk with food coloring

2. It's a doppelganger

3. Francis is a killer or just got crazy

Please let it be 1-

" Accident at work. Just that, can i go in? "

He asks me looking at me deep at the eyes, i feel like he is judging all my sins, i break the eye contact and look at the Red button and then at the phone

Should i call the police or my boss?

" Look Y/N, i am really tired, just let me in, so i can go take a shower and rest. Maybe after you are done, you can go to my room, drink some coffee together! I heard is your favorite drink, what about a coffee with milk uh? "

He says to me, i think he is getting impatient

OH REALLT Y/N L/N!? DON'T TELL ME

" I- "

" Come on darling. "

He gets closer to the window, supporting his one of his arms in the glass

" Let. Me. In "

✦ - NOTES!!!

✮ " Sky wtf was that? " I DON'T KNOW LOL ✮

✮ The fandom go crazy about him gosh ✮

✮ Okay should i write for TNMN??? ✮

✮ Anyways have a good day my loves! <33 ✮

[rekino2114]

Cute things the drdt girls do for you

A/n:episode 15 was pretty great, I might post my full thoughts on it and chapter 2 as a whole next week when it ends maybe

Teruko tawaki

Follows the sidewalk rule

The sidewalk rule says that when two people are walking on the sidewalk the one who is stronger and/or can take a hit better is the one who walks near the traffic, and teruko follows it...only with you

She has actually been hit by cars before because of her luck (you were very concerned when she randomly dropped that in the middle of a conversation) so protecting you from that is her main priority

She kinda does it subconsciously, gently gripping your wrist and guiding you on the right side, when you ask her why she did that she just blushes and blurts out "I don't want you to get hit by a car"

She actually did get hit when she was with you once but you were unharmed while teruko had to go to the hospital

"I'm so so sorry teru, I should have been more careful"

"Don't worry, at least you're ok, plus this isn't the worst accident that ever happened to me"

"........You're literally covered in bandages and casts"

"Yeah and?"

You start to think her luck actually works because of how she can survive stuff like that

Min jeung

Writes love letters

Min spends a lot of her time writing, be it papers, notes or her schedule. Writing is a big part of her day-to-day life, but what she loves writing the most is definitely love letters for you

Her grammar and handwriting are impeccable, even her punctuation is on point. The only way you can tell that it's a love letter and not an English essay is because of the heart drawn at the bottom

There doesn't have to be a specific reason for her to write you a letter sometimes she just feels like doing it, and you love receiving them,they're a written testament of her love for you

Sometimes they're in really cute envelopes with stamps and everything. she loves seeing your reaction to reading them

"Hello y/n, I have written this to inform you that unfortunately, I won't be able to hang out with you today as I have an important test, feel free to come to my dorm at around 7 pm though, I should have finished by then, I know I could have texted you this but a letter is more romantic don't you think?

Love you

Min jeung" ♡

P.s.:If you see Charles, do you mind telling him thanks for helping me in chemistry? He was a great help

P.p.s.:Yes, don't worry, I'll remember to take breaks, I know how you get if I don't

Arei nageishi

beats up people for you

Ok, it's more than that. It's more how she treats you compared to other people. She's way nicer to you compared to everyone else. Sure, she still teases, throws light insults at you, but you know she doesn't actually mean it...unlike with everyone else (except eden)

She's more than ok with people insulting her. She's used to it by now, and she can easily verbally abuse the person until they cry, but when someone insults you then they truly fucked up

She'll be smiling and giggling with you while the unconscious and bloody body of the person who was unfortunate or stupid enough to say anything negative about you is near her .....you didn't even know she was that strong but now you're kinda scared of her even if you know she'd never hurt you

She also kinda does it to receive compliments and praise for you, she expects you to be flattered and in awe at what she did for you, which you are, but you're also too worried about her to really compliment her

"Not everyone likes you, you're not y/n"

"Not everyone likes y/n"

"......names"

"......What?"

"Give me names bitch, I'll shut their mouth for good when I find them"

Hu jing

Makes you packed lunches

Listen, we all know how much of a mom this girl is. She practically adopted nico. and as her partner, you're definitely on the receiving end of her motherly tendencies

She scolds you when you don't clean your dorm,constantly sends you texts to make sure you're ok, and always checks during the day to make sure you've eaten enough and the best way to assure that is making you lunch herself

Everything always tastes great and incredibly fresh (definitely way better than what the school gives you), but you still feel kinda embarrassed. Even when you try to reject it, she'll try to feed you to make sure you eat. She also definitely wipes your mouth when you're finished

She also writes you a cute note saying things like "hope you have a great day, remember to stay hydrated and study hard" which......doesn't make that much sense since you always eat together in the cafeteria and she's literally standing near you as you read the note but it's so adorable you don't carea

"Come on Darling, you need to eat, don't you like what I made for you?"

"N-no it's not that hu, it's......embarrassing"

"Y/n l/n if you don't eat that, I'll make you....even if it's embarrassing, you still need to eat enough"

"......o-ok"

".....you too huh?"

"Hi nico.......yeah"

J rosales

Gives you her hoodie

Most of her classmates have seen j without her hoodie only on rare occasions, unlike you who have seen her like that multiple times

It's often when it's cold outside, j notices and takes off her hoodie to give it to you, you're very surprised and ask her if it's OK since she'll be cold too then but she just dismisses it and says that you're more important

If you compliment her on how pretty and cool she looks without it on, especially how beautiful her hair looks (I genuinely really love her hair, it looks so cool), she'll blush a lot and maybe ask for her hoodie back so she can hide her face in it (like she does in her sprite)

She'll actually start to wear her hood down more after you compliment her hair enough, because she secretly wants you to do it more but is too embarrassed to ask

"You sure about this j? Won't you get cold?"

"Nah, it's fine, if it really gets cold, I'll just put another one on"

"Cool, thanks so much babe"

"You're welcome"

".....did i mention your hair is pretty?"

"*blushes* y-yeah this is like the fifth time you said it"

"Sorry I can't help it if it's true"

Veronika grebenshchikova

Gifts you plushies

......kinda, it's more accurate to say she gifts you what once were plushies. Some have their heads ripped off, others are covered in blood with one of their eyes missing, it's creepy but sweet...in a Veronika way

Sometimes, she doesn't even give you the plushies directly. They just..... appear on your bed, the only way you can tell Veronika was the one to leave them is because only she would and could do something like this.....you still have no idea how she gets in your dorm but are too afraid to ask

She also gives you plushie and merchandise of every horror movie you can think of. One time she gave you a very haunted looking doll, like the one from Annabelle, and you could have sworn you saw it move at night

When you have movie night at your dorm (which happens very often), Veronika likes to snuggle with both you and all the plushies in your bed as you do the same, it's actually really comfortable

"*sigh* I hate group projects"

"Come on, teruko, I'm sure we'll get it done fast"

"Whatev-.......WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Oh those are the plushies Veronika gives me, aren't they cute?"

"1;NO THEY AREN'T 2: that's not what i meant.....WHY THE HELL IS VERONIKA IN YOUR ROOM?"

"Oh hi vero"

"HI darling, I just wanted to put this new plushie I got you in here"

".......the door was locked, y/n just opened it, how did you get here?"

"Oh yeah she does that, I don't know either"

"*giggle*"

"......You two are deranged"

Rose lacroix

Remembers everything about you

Ok, she remembers everything, period, but that's especially true for you. Any date that is important to you, like a birthday or a special event (like your first kiss) instantly becomes important to her too the moment you mention it, and she'll most likely give you gifts for them

Any food you like and dislike as well as any possible allergies you have are always on her mind when you're eating together, she could even order for you at restaurants if you want, she knows your tastes perfectly after all

Any gifts she gives you always is something you like, no matter if you just mentioned it once to her she remembered and got it for you, there doesn't even need to be a special date for it, sometimes she just feels like it and gifts you something

Unlike basically everything else, your information, likes, and dislikes are actually things she wants to remember and willingly keeps them in her mind. She loves you, so all of this is extremely important information to her

"Hey y/n, do you like this? I just finished painting it, take it"

"Oh it looks great, but why do you want to give it to me? It's not my birthday or anything"

"Oh no, I know, but it is your mom's birthday isn't it? I wanted to give it to her so she'd think I'm a good girlfriend"

"Oh OK....yeah it is. How did you know?"

"You told me, I think it was about.....three months ago, we were talking our families and you brought that up"

"You remembered that, that's so cool"

"Eh, I guess perfect memory comes with some pros....sometimes"

[joshusten]

kiss and make up

In which Honey wants a makeover and Guy gladly helps. (lots of kisses, fluff, makeover time!!!)

2.7k+ words [ao3 will be added when im not lazy lmao] [masterlist]

[CW and notes: typical guy innuendoes, honey doesn't know how to do makeup and they get a lil insecure about that fact, that being said i'm not really a makeup expert too LMAO, theres also lots of grammar mistakes probably ;--; and since like, makeup styles and visuals vary between people i tried to make it as vague and gender neutral as possible but idk if i really achieved that so keep that in mind and please let me know if i should change some wordings etc. ! oh and lmk about typos too hehe tysm!]

thank you so so much to my dearest friend @slushiepizza !! this wip is literally a year long and they've been a HUGE HUGE (x1000) help to me finishing (and convincing to post) this fic!! this fic's also inspired by fanart they made before and this yt short from that one anthony padilla interview. also yes theres a lil 2024 hbs guy AAAND jin (his gamer friend in that second hoodie video i think) reference too lmao HAHAHAH hope you enjoy!! :D "Ugh! Why can't I fucking–" 

“Piece of—!”

“Fuck!”

Another frustrated groan cuts Honey off. For the past few minutes, Guy had been hearing his partner's muffled frustrations from their room all the way to their humble kitchenette and he was seriously starting to get worried about what could possibly be troubling their usually well-composed lover.

He quickly turned off the stove, wiping his hands on the piercingly hot pink apron with the words "Please Do More than Kiss the Chef" embroidered on its body (a joke gift, courtesy of Rosa being his Secret Santa last year, that Guy legitimately used in his every day, much to his friend’s amusement). Fortunately, the lunch he was making was done by the time he decided to check up on them (and, really, it was just a simple one-pot pasta recipe he stumbled on Tiktok at 3 AM.)

Guy haphazardly hung the apron by a chair nearby—future Guy can worry about all of the mess later—and made his way to the hallway that led to their small shared bedroom.

He gently knocked a little melody on the door,  announcing his presence through the painted wood. "Honey?”

A thump was heard, as if something suddenly dropped out of surprise, followed by a faint “Shit!”

The man knocked again, this time with a furrowed brow.

“Honey dearest? Lover of mine? Is someone botherin’ you? Need to kick someone’s ass?” He joked, clearing his throat afterward for a more sincere tone. “But for real, do you need any help there, baby?”

The silence that followed almost tempted Guy to ask again before a loud sigh came from the other side.

"Yeah…It's unlocked. You can come in..." 

They almost sounded embarrassed. A little shy even. The man couldn’t help but grin at how comfortable Honey had become showing him their more vulnerable sides throughout their time together. 

Guy opened the door slowly to reveal their usual semi-tidy bedroom save for the mess that seemed only to be contained around Honey, whose head was currently hanging low in shame. Alarms went off in his mind once he processed the potential severity of the situation with how distressed his partner looked.

He rushed to where Honey sat, in front of the vanity where a variety of make-up products were strewn across the dark oak wood. Upon closer inspection, he could see that—

Oh. Uhm. This was interesting.

His partner’s frustrated face seemed to be an amalgamation of different cosmetics that looked like they were hastily smeared on and rubbed off multiple times. 

Patchy foundation, unblended blush, shaky eyeliner. 

Guy can practically feel the heat coming off their tinted face, furrowing their brows and averting their glare to the side.

“Look, I know what this looks like but—" Honey was never able to finish their sentence as a very, very poor attempt of stifled giggles reached their burning ears. Oh my god, he's never gonna let them live this down, is he? 

“Guy.”

“Wh-whaaaat? N-no, you look f-fine Honey! Pfft–” A snort interrupted the man's words of reassurance. 

“Guy, stop laughing, you asshole!” They groaned, sending a flurry of light slaps to Guy's shoulders, snickering along to indicate that they weren’t actually mad at him because, yeah, they did look a little silly (and his laugh was too damn cute to distract them from their predicament) but that still didn't make them any less self-conscious about it.

“I-I–OW! I don’t know what you mean, baby!”

Honey crossed their arms and made a face, looking away in a pretend-but-not-really sulk. 

“Fine, so I’m horrible at makeup ha-ha! Pack it up, jackass!”

To that, their boyfriend's laughter slowly died down, leaving him with a soft, sympathetic smile. 

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry! C’mere,” He apologized, beckoning them to come closer to which Honey begrudgingly complied. His smile brightened, pressing numerous quick kisses against his partner’s grumpy face, pulling away with a string of giddy giggles.

“Ew, I got your foundation on my lips.”

“Serves you right,” Honey huffed, unable to hold in a chuckle as they saw the faint splotches of the coating in their skin color on their boyfriend’s stubbled chin and pouted lips.

“So, uh, mind telling me what actually happened over here? ‘Cuz, Honey, you’re as pretty as a painting…given that it’s a painting my baby cousin can do, which I’m assuming isn’t what you were going for?” Guy asked, his full attention to his partner's make-up Frankenstein of a face.

The embarrassment rushed back to Honey tenfold but they masked it up with a shrug that looked timid regardless. “I dunno…there’s this event in the evening with my company and I just…wanted to try something new with my look. I-it's stupid. I started a lot earlier because I knew I’d need some time to learn but…I just can't get the hang of it!”

Sure, they know make-up isn’t all that easy to do but managing to tremendously fuck up something as seemingly simple as putting color on their face despite the amount of tutorials they’ve watched was just embarrassing to admit (especially to someone they’ve grown to care about what he thinks of them). They braced themself for more mocking laughter yet the teasing never came. Instead, they heard an excited gasp.

"Oh, I can do your makeup for you!"

…What?

"Uhm– I– You–?"

Guy picked up the wiped near Honey and started pulling a few from the already-opened plastic pack. The subtle clean scent of aloe vera wafted into their nostrils.

"I can do your make-up!" The man repeated happily, oblivious to Honey's quizzical stare. He gently grabbed their chin with one hand while the other one held the cleanser-soaked napkin inches closer to their cheek before he stopped and gazed into their eyes, "Can I?"

"Uh…Y-yeah. Sure." They felt their breath hitch at the sudden intimacy of the distance between them.

Guy beamed at that and started removing the product on their face but the confused expression never leaves it. He discarded the used wipes in the trash can under the vanity table and started sifting through their shopping spree's worth of cosmetics.

“I suggest you buy micellar water or cleansers instead of those wipes. They do a better job!”

“Uh, Guy?”

"Oh, you got this one! Yeah, I really like their formula, it doesn't feel too heavy on the skin. Well at least on my skin. Let me know if it doesn't feel comfy and–"

"Guy…"

"Woah, you got your shade just right with this one! Ah, but I think this brand oxidizes so the color might change–"

"Guy."

"Ooh, I haven’t seen this product before! Is this newly released or—”

"Guy!” Honey exclaimed, finally capturing their boyfriend’s ever-so-dwindling attention. “Babe. How…I mean, not that I'm doubting your skills or anything but–" 

By this time, Guy had already cleaned all of the makeup off from his partner and was now left with the face he was more used to seeing (and admiring).

"It's just…I've never seen you wear makeup. At all. Besides Halloween, I guess?”

The man simply grinned at that and continued rummaging through the cases of eyeshadows and face creams. “If you must know, a performer was moi!” 

“Oh, trust me, I'm familiar with your theatrics.”

“I’m just gonna pretend you meant that as a compliment,” He huffed, averting his gaze to the products that lay between them both. “Anyway, I did a lot of shows back then and, well, with constantly getting your face painted on, you pick up a few techniques, y'know? I even get to do my own makeup!”

The click and clatter of glass and plastic fills the room as Guy carefully examines each container with the same look he gets when he proofreads a revision of a script he made. It was almost weird to see how his eyes scanned the text of the labels and his habit of biting the inside of his cheek while focusing on the context other than the familiar blue light of his laptop.

“Got interested, asked my friends, then watched a few vids. I got to…’secretly borrow’ some of my mom's makeup to test out some looks.” The image of a teenage Guy experimenting with makeup much like what Honey was doing a while ago tickled their mind.

“But eh, college got in the way and I never really got the time to play around with some flashier makeup styles between delivering greasy ass pizzas and delivering exquisite screenplays that excite the mind and bewitch the heart.”

He held up a circular blush pot near a dumbfounded Honey. His eyes squinted with focus until he finally determined the blush matched their skin tone just fine. 

“Anyway, let's get some moisturizer to prep that cute face of yours!”

After Honey described what they wanted for their look, scrolled through Pinterest to get some inspiration, and watched a few more tutorials, the pair eventually got started with the process.

Guy put on an even layer of foundation, and concealer that he tried his best to match their skin, added contour, eyeshadow and blush according to the style they had requested, and painstakingly drew on some eyeliner (“Because everybody looks hotter with eyeliner!”). He had even let them try a few brush strokes of their own to get the feel of it.

Honey, on the other hand, felt like they were going to explode from the attention they’d been getting from him. Granted, they were no stranger to his affections yet something about the way he was so close—to the point where they could feel the warmth emanating from him, where the way his breath ghosts their neck made them tremble—it was a whole different experience.

The man added some finishing details to Honey’s face before announcing the final step: lipstick.

“Hm, let’s try these colors. Maybe it’s more your style.” He brought up a few plastic tubes with one hand closer to them, awaiting their input on his selection.

“Have you tried these brands before?”

“Uh, not really…I don’t think I’ve actually tried the liquid ones or the twisty ones. What’s the difference anyway? They both color your lips, right?”

Guy laughed at the sheer creativity of the nickname his partner had appointed to the lipsticks in his hand.  “Ah well, I’m glad you asked, Honey!”

He twisted up the matte tube and swiped the creamy formula on his lips, smacking them to spread it evenly. The color on his lips only emphasizes the smirk it formed, amused by the hitched breath Honey lets out as he gently cradled their face and brought it closer to his.

“Solid lipstick doesn't last long. See?” 

He demonstrated this by pressing his mouth on the back of his hand a few times to reveal pigmented marks against his skin. The man even gestured toward his face to show that the tint of the lipstick had significantly faded.

“Huh.” 

Honey was definitely studying his lips, alright. It formed into the same old smile they never got tired of, this time with its edges slightly smeared from what he had done moments ago. They were so entranced that they didn't even notice Guy reaching for a clear tube, this time twisting it to reveal an application wand with a different hue of the lipstick before, quickly applying it on his lightened lips.

“While liquid lipstick—” His quip breaks Honey’s lip-centered daydream and with a sudden movement, Guy pressed his colored lips gently against Honey's bare ones,  the latter letting out a quiet squeak that made the man eagerly press down harder. He slowly pulled away, close enough to have just an inch of space between their mouths.

“...Is kissproof!” 

He was right. Honey could see that Guy’s lips still looked the same with no sign of smudging or transferring of the product. Not that the efficiency of the lipstick is what’s on the forefront of their mind at the moment.

“O-oh,” their voice cracked rather pathetically but Guy only let out a laugh, holding up the twisted-up tube of the lipstick he first used near the other’s visibly quivering lips.

“Hm…now that I see it, I think the shade on the ‘twisty one’ fits your look better. Let’s use that!” 

A wide-eyed Honey simply nodded in response.

—

“...And then here’s your make-up bag, just in case you need to retouch! So, what do ya think? Stunning? Iconic? Gorgeous? Oh, oh! Pulchritudinous? Ehh?”

Honey turned to the vanity mirror for the first time in a while and gaped in the reflection. 

“It's…” They raised their hand, opting to feel their face before deciding otherwise as they realized it might waste all of their boyfriend’s hard work. Honey racked in every corner of their brain for a word to encompass the awe they’re in right now, wishing they had even just a fraction of Guy’s mind to express it in words. 

But for now, they’re just Honey—who isn’t particularly known for their expertise in saying what they mean and they settle for the answer they weren’t satisfied with at all.

“It’s pretty.” 

The person staring back at them looked so different yet still the same. It felt like looking at themselves from a different perspective. Pretty was hardly an adequate descriptor for what they were looking at but it’s all they could think about in their dazed state (the way their partner beamed at their compliment told them he didn’t mind).

“You’re the pretty one, hon! With or without make-up! I mean, c’mon! Look at that smile!”

That earned a wider smile from Honey with Guy giddily matching it.

“I’d have to thank my handsome make-up artist for that. He did such a wonderful job after all.” 

“How do you suppose you’ll do that then, Honey?”

This time, Honey was the one to surprise their lover with a kiss.

BONUS SCENE:

“Do you really have to go?” Guy whined though he already knew the answer. That didn’t stop him from snaking a hand around Honey’s waist, who was just leaving through the door of their shared apartment.

“Yes, Guy. I really have to, especially with how long you’ve been painting on my face, there’s a possibility I might get late,” they explained, giving him an apologetic look despite the scolding tone of their voice. 

“Well, who can blame me when my Honey’s looking absolutely ravishing,” He pulls Honey closer with his usual goofy smile, though this time they notice a mischievous glint in his eyes, “Besides, just a while ago it seems like you wanted your face to be painted with something else, ehh—mmph!”

Honey had cut him off by pressing their lips tenderly against his once more, eliciting a relaxed sigh from him. They pulled back to see a pouty expression plastered on Guy’s face.

“Fuck. Y-you’re enjoying that stunt way too much, it’s not fair!”

“I wasn’t the one that started it!”

“Fine, whatever!” Guy lamented loudly, complete with his hand clutching overdramatically on his chest. “Be like that, go to your party, then! See if I care!”

Honey just rolled their eyes with a smile. “One last goodbye kiss?” 

And how could he ever say no to that?

So after a quick peck on Guy’s cheek (maybe two or three more), Honey finally made their way out the door, leaving him a bit lightheaded than before. 

Despite his lovesick state, he was quick to make his way over to the couch and started setting up his game console connected to their T.V. Since his Honey would be out for most of the night, he decided to invite a friend over to play video games and kill some time.

Knock, knock. Ah, speak of the devil. “Jin! Come in, man!”

Guy swung the door open to reveal a man his age, carrying a paper bag full of chips on one arm and a game controller on the other. He set down the snacks on the second-hand coffee table before settling himself on the couch his friend was sitting on. 

“Sorry for being a little late, just had to do a few things. So, what game are we…Oh.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” “Dude. I think you should look at a mirror.” --

yes jin like one of guys friends that he plays with in that one hoodie video. with no voice line or anything at all. that jin. LMAO

anyway i rlly hope u enjoy this :")) i honestly dont think its my best work LMAO but eh! im here 2 have fun man,,, and this probably would be my last fic (atleast in a while but aughh idk if i'll be active again here HAHAJHAD) so yeah!! hope u liked it tysm have a good night/day!!

[37-drc89]

secret santa; bangchan

[christmas special fic series; 1/8]

genre; fluff, established relationship.

warnings; none, gender not defined.

word count; 1,4k.

christmas masterlist

note: i'm not really sure about this fic honestly, but i was too excited for the christmas special not to post it anyway. please keep in mind that english is not my first language so if you see any typos or grammar hurts your eyes, let me know so i can improve it! x

Chan has always been known for being naturally a giver. He's been like this ever since he was a child, even though you've only known each other for four years now, it's not that hard to notice it on everyday basis - he's always the first one to hold the doors for people, help strangers with their luggage, always look out for everyone just in case they're struggling with something. You've also noticed it very clearly during your now two-year old relationship. Chan has never hidden acts of service being his love language, his main intention forever will be making your life as easy as he possibly can; he would fold your laundry for you when you're working so it doesn't need to occupy your exhausted mind later. He would make your favored coffee if he's going to work earlier than you so you can sleep a few minutes longer. He would carry your bag for you, always buy additional skincare products for you just in case you run out of them or carry your favorite snacks in his bag just for your cravings. Anything to see his lover's eyes light up with joy or relief. Though, physical gift-giving in your relationship has never been a huge thing. Of course, Chan was always more than happy to gift you something you've been bragging about for the past half a year for your birthday, and you would do the same, but other than that, it wasn't anything any of you would do on daily basis.

That's why the small package laying by Chan's side of the bed in the morning caught you off guard a little bit. It was wrapped up really messily and you couldn't help but cackle at the folded tape and paper slightly ripped here and there, but there was definitely a try. A small ribbon was glued on top of it and the signature on the side said from Santa.

Your brows furrowed and you checked callendar on the phone - it was only 1st of December. You only shook your head at your boyfriend's newest brilliant idea and started unwrapping the box. What you found inside was a necklace, so shiny and beautiful it made you gasp out loud. It was decorated with silver stars here and there, in many different sizes, few small diamonds hanging from it on short strings. The wide smile on your face felt permanent as you finally realised the symbolism of it - the first ever date of you and Chan as an official couple was stargazing. He claimed ungodly amount of times that this was the happiest day he could ever live and that the second will be the day he'll marry you.

With no hesitation you put the necklace on in the mirror, too amazed to care that you're still in your sleeping set that might not suit it. Seconds later you were already downstairs, catching your boyfriend already making breakfast for the two of you, apron tied around his waist as he can get really messy in the kitchen.

You glue your body to his back, arms wrapping around his torso.

"Good morning baby," you mumle into his shirt and press two kisses on each of his broad shoulders as he leans into the warm touch, caressing your hands on his stomach.

"Good morning pretty, did you sleep well?"

You only nod, peeking out his shoulder and humming at the sight and scent of warm food on the pan. You stand by Chan's side this time, observing carefully his actions as he only grins at your attention. Your fingers start fidgeting with the necklace resting around your neck.

"It's beautiful, you know?" you speak as he locks his eyes with yours, then setting them on the necklace.

"You're right, it's really pretty... Where did you get it from? I've never seen it before." Chan leans in to take a closer look of it and you send him a confused glance.

"From you, dumbass. Thank you baby, I love it a lot..."

"Honestly, I don't know what you're talking about," Chan chuckles and goes back to mixing ingredients on the pan. "You know we don't give each other presents often, I'm waiting for Christmas, like I always do."

Your brows go up but Chan refuses to look at you, acting like he's not even aware of you staring at him, goofy smile painting your lips and you decided to just play along your boyfriend's weird performance.

"Well, technically speaking, the box said from Santa. I guess that must be him, then," you hummed and went back to playing with the necklace, walking over to sit at the table. Chin resting on your hand as you watched Chan placing your breakfast on both of your plates, deliciously smelling steam reaching your nostrils.

"Make sure Santa knows you have a boyfriend then. We can't have an old man trying to steal you away from me." he placed a small, quick kiss on the top of your head and sat down in front of you, proceeding to your usual morning routine, talking about past week and plans for the weekend, like you always do by the breakfast. Chan really got into his role and acted clueless, innocently complimenting your new jewelry here and there throughout the day.

And normally you would brush it off, thinking your boyfriend was just too flustered to admit this random little gift is from him, but that was until the next day, when you found a tiny present bag in your closet with two pairs of matching Christmas socks. "Oh look, he thought of me this time, too!" was the only way Chris commented on it, still keeping his cool, smiling like it was the first time he's ever seen these.

It just kept going on. The other day you found your favorite face moisturiser in the pocket of your coat, the one you were just running out of. Then a set of flavoured Christmas tea hidden in cutlery drawer. Then, a bag of strawberries covered in chocolate, just the brand you loved the most. Safe to say by the Christmas your room was stuffed with gifts of all kind, barely making it fit into your closet anymore. Chan was unbreakable, still pretending like he was clueless, not knowing you've already noticed the signatures looking exactly like his writing, but you let him have fun. It was obvious Chan was enjoying this a lot, always seeking for your reactions and asking about what you've received that day if you haven't mentioned it earlier. And you were proudly showing it off for him, complimenting your gifts as often as you could, eager to see him trying to muffle down his happiness so you don't disclose his little "secret".

Christmas came and you spent it together, like you always did. You were chatting, enjoying each other's presence and even shared a slow dance to random songs playing from radio.

When the time of handing each other official presents came, you couldn't help but toss them away for a second and drag Chan into the tightest and the warmest embrace he has ever been held in.

Your face was buried into his sweater and his hot breath was tickling your neck as a sigh full of love left his lips. You were standing there, in the middle of the room in complete silence and you felt nothing more than at home.

"I love you, Chan." you spoke as you pulled away just slightly to catch a glimpse of his peaceful face. "I love you so much I almost can't stand it. Thank you, for all of this. And Thank you for being my Santa."

He took your burning face into his big hands and lifted it up so he could lock eyes with yours. Nothing but passion was radiating from them, stare so deep it seemed like Chan could read poems from your eyes.

"At the end of the day, I'm your best present, no?" he chuckled and you mirrored, nodding silently as it felt impossible to speak any words in the light of the overwhelming emotions boiling inside of you.

"I love you until the world ends and even further, y/n."

At this point your body almost pushed itself onto his, the desire to kiss him becoming too much. Just when your lips were about to connect, Chan backed off just slightly and you sent him a questioning look. He dragged you backwards by your waist, stopping just where mistletoe was hung on the ceiling.

"This year I didn't forget."

That's when your boyfriend finally let your hungry lips connect in the most passionate and loving kiss you've ever shared. It was hot, it was burning, setting your pounding heart on fire as you knew no matter how many gifts you will ever get, the only one you need is standing right in front of you tonight.

[uceyliyahh]

SOMETHING BOUT’ US

Summary: "I want you more than anything in my life." After being in a difficult relationship with Carmelo Yasmine decided to move on from him and become the next big thing while getting drafted on the smackdown roster she always thought she would never find love again due to her commitment issues until she met him.

This fanfic is 18+! NO MINORS ALLOWED

word count: 4150

smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.

Jey Uso x Yasmine

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

But I’ll be writing along the way since this story is in my drafts on Wattpad right now so yuh. 💁🏽‍♀️

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️@pinkwithhearts @420days @jstarr86 @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign

@bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @aikosilo @papireigns-05 @punksyeet @paigereeder @magnificentbouquetmusic

@hunnidmilly @celesteheartsjey @charmed-dreamssss @fearlesschimera @partypoison00 @mselenalovebug @bloodlinesbabe93 @lov3rla03 @simpin4pixels

3.

OMNISCIENT For some weeks now, Yasmine has been receiving calls and texts from Carmelo under strange numbers, and she has simply blocked him each time. Especially when Trick attempted to contact and text her, she would disregard all of his messages because she no longer trusted him. He believed Carmelo over her, of all people.

Yasmine was at the gym working out, trying to forget what had happened to her; she hadn't spoken about it since Montez and Jonathan arrived to pick her up after she moved out.

She didn't even want to think about it; it would just cause her anxiety to creep up on her and make her feel even more worthless than she already is.

Yasmine would be drowning in her thoughts late at night, wondering if she'd ever find a good man that she could trust, but was that even possible?

She wore headphones and listened to music while she did her bicep roll reps with the dumbbells before she went to the arena today to sign the contract on Smackdown.

Meanwhile, she felt her phone buzzing inside her training shorts as she paused to place the dumbbells on the bench and took her phone out of her pocket.

She noticed Montez had texted her, probably to check up on her.

Big Bro Tez💪🏽 sent 2+ messages IMESSAGE 💬 Big Bro Tez💪🏽: hey sis I was just checking in on you to see how you were doing. Big Bro Tez💪🏽: text me back whenever you can I'll see you at work I love you sis ♥️

It always made her happy knowing that her big brother cares about her and her well-being will always be there for her.

IMESSAGE 💬 Minnie🧃: I'm fine Montez Big Bro Tez💪🏽: are you sure? you don't have to come in to work today Minnie🧃: I have too so I can sign the contract then I'll probably just stay and watch your match out back Big Bro Tez💪🏽: A'ight little sis if you say so I won't pressure you Minnie🧃: thank you now lemme' get back to my workout since you rudely interrupted me 😭🙄 Big Bro Tez💪🏽: whatever nigga

Yasmine chuckled at his message before getting back to her workout and moving her headphones back in place.

biancabelairwwe, jonathanfatu, tiffanywwe, and others liked your post.

minnieminks: back at it again 🖤💭 biancabelairwwe: them abs tho better than mines girl im jealous asf 🙄🙄😭 minnieminks: @ biancabelairwwe girl your abs are more sharper than mines please 😭 jonathanfatu: why do you always gotta stick yo' ass out like do a different pose or sum minnieminks: @ jonathanfatu I smell a hater in the room rn 😀 tiffanywwe: we need to workout together honestly. carmelohayes: why aren't you answering my calls?

Read all Comments.

Yasmine took a shower before heading to the arena for Smackdown tonight. She was only there to support her big brother and Angelo, of course.

She was curious when she'd make her debut on Smackdown, which is probably soon. For right now, it'll just probably be segments of her getting interviewed by Byron Saxton about her upcoming debut.

She got out of the shower, wrapped her body in a towel, and dried her hair, making sure that every part of it was dry.

Sitting down inside the shower with her legs crossed, she scrolled through her Instagram, noticing that Carmelo had commented on her post that she made.

Her face turned up at his comment, questioning her about not answering his phone calls.

'This nigga won't understand the elephant in the room will he?'

After drying her body off, she lavender herself with some lotion and put on a comfortable outfit for tonight's smackdown. She walked out of the bathroom, grabbing her keys and purse while making sure she had everything before heading to her car.

As she headed out towards her car, she saw someone walking up to her. She couldn't recognize the face until he came a little bit closer, and that's when she knew that it was him. So Yasmine immediately went inside her car, locking the door in the process while he came banging on her window.

"Baby! Open the door." Carmelo said.

Yasmine shook her head as she turned the button on in the ignition, as he tried to open the door by the handle but not realizing that it was locked.

"C'mon, baby, don't be this way. I only did what I did so you can act right." Yasmine scoffed at his reasoning as she gave him the middle finger, pulling out from the parking lot and driving off in the process.

✧˚° Yasmine made it to the arena, parking in the garage. As she grabbed her purse while getting out of the car again, she realized she was only here to sign the contract and support her brother. Nothing more would happen, right?

She walked inside the building, seeing all the fans coming in to get their tickets or buy wrestlers' merchandise. That's when she ran into a fan who recognized her and started squealing.

"OH, MY GOODNESS, ARE YOU YASMINE THEE YASMINE FROM NXT?" The fan asked while Yasmine smiled at them.

"Yes of course hon what can I do for you?" She asked.

"May I please get an autograph and a picture?" Yasmine nodded her head while grabbing the marker from them, signing their T-shirt with her signature. The fan pulled out their phone, setting it up on camera mode for them to take a picture with her.

They did a pose as they snapped the picture together while hugging Yasmine she gladly responded to the hug.

"Omg thank you sooo much!" The fan said.

"No problem hon." Yasmine gave them one last hug before continuing her way towards Paul's office.

It felt nice to her to know that she had some fans who liked her and enjoyed her wrestling. She felt her phone buzz, making her stop in her tracks. Pulling it out, she saw that Bianca texted her.

Breezy🫶🏽 sent 2+ messages IMESSAGE 💬 Breezy🫶🏽: Montez told me you would be here tonight wya? Breezy🫶🏽: Actually, I see your location. I'm coming towards you; you should see me waving my hand.

Yasmine looked around, seeing someone waving their hand back and forth. She stood on her tippy toes, seeing Bianca waving her hand, and smiling, ran up towards her.

They both hugged each other while everyone was around them as they pulled away from each other.

"Oh, my goodness girl you look good." Bianca said.

"Thank you, girl you look good as well too." She spoke.

"C'mon, let's go to your brother's locker." We started strolling towards Montez's dressing room. It was nice to be around Bianca and them again; maybe she won't run into Carmelo's ass. But she doesn't get her hopes up very much, so there's no guarantee that he'll come seeking for her merely to make her feel useless.

We eventually arrived to his locker room, where she spotted Trinity, Jonathan, and an unfamiliar figure. They all gazed at her, then Trinity and Jon approached her and hugged me. 

"Oh, my goodness, girl, I'm so happy that you're away from that nigga man." Trinity spoke. "Well, as long as Montez and Jon are with me, I'll be alright, since he's definitely here today. Just like everyone else that was drafted. Have you seen Tiffany? Yasmine replied.

"Yeah, she was in here a couple of minutes ago." She stated this while nodding her head. Yasmine sat next to Trinity, watching Montez's tag team match against the New Day. She absolutely loved seeing my brother beat up his opponents, which is why she wanted to be in this profession. 

But now she regrets it simply because she is dealing with Carmelo's ass, but someone grabbed her eye: a man spreading on his phone while wearing a Yeet shirt, black sweatpants, and a fresh haircut with piercings.

'Damn he looked so fine would it be rude to be admiring him like this?'

She felt Bianca prodding me, drawing my attention as she glanced at her with a sneer on her face. "Girl, who were you looking at?"

"I-I wasn't looking at nobody B not too much, okay?" Yasmine said, rolling her eyes at her. 

She chuckled at me as she fixed her focus on the TV screen, watching her fiancé whoop some asses. Meanwhile, Yasmine got up from the couch and informed them that she was going to the restroom right now. As she walked towards the restroom, she heard a familiar voice talking to someone about something. She looked up to saw the person who damaged her, Carmelo, who appeared to be on the phone with someone.

Yasmine sighed deeply as she walked by him on her way to the facilities, until she felt him grip her arm, almost causing her to stumble. "Hey pretty girl, I didn't know you were here." Carmelo said.

She rolled her eyes at him and yanked herself away from him, "Look, don't you ever touch me or even come near me after what you did to me." He chuckled darkly at her while approaching up to her, causing her to back up. 

"I recall you calling me daddy the last time I fucked this wonderful pussy of mine, dear." "That's because you made me call you that nigga I didn't want to call you that." She remarked as she pushed him hard.

He didn't like that and grabbed her by the throat, pressing her to the wall like he had done previously, making her feel terrified and uncomfortable. That was something he like seeing from her, all afraid beneath him. 

"Do you see how you submit to me?" It should be this way all of the time". Yasmine fought to free herself, but he tightened his grasp on her throat. She felt like she couldn't breathe while fighting him off and screamed at the top of her lungs. All she wanted to do was use the restroom and not run into his ass.

She used all of her might to hit him in the face, causing him to tumble as Yasmine escaped. 

Yasmine fled as fast as she could without turning back, tears welling up in her eyes as she heard Carmelo cry her name. She spotted the same foreign face standing at the door with his legs crossed, looking at his phone and running up to him.

✧˚° JEY

I was standing by the door on my phone, looking for Montez's sister Yasmine. As I was doing so, I heard what sounded like someone rushing. When I looked up, I saw a female sprinting towards me, clearly in danger. She approached behind me, and I noticed Carmelo approaching this direction as if he was hunting for her, and when she grabbed me aggressively, it attracted my attention.

Almost appeared afraid in a way? Her eyes begged for assistance from me, so I did what any guy would do and defended her. 

As he approached, he noticed me with her and attempted to walk up on us, grabbing her arm as I pushed him. "Aye, you might wanna back up dawg." I stated this while clutching the female behind me.

"Man you might wanna back up and give her ass to me nigga ion know who you think yo' ass is c'mon Yasmine." He stated that's when I turned around to view her face, and she looked so damn good. 

I felt her grip my hand strongly as I interlaced mine with hers, and he took note, attempting to separate us so he could grab her up. But I managed to deliver a left hook, causing him to fall backward while clutching his bloodied lip.

"You know what? Don't worry about it, Yasmine. I got something for you later." When he went away, she sank to her knees, hands in her face, weeping, and the door opened to reveal Trinity. 

"Josh, what happened?" She asked.

"She came up running towards me away from the ol' boy. He just left." I said.

"Shit, well, my match is coming up. Can you take care of her, please?" As Trinity departed to get dressed, I nodded yes and kneeled down to play with Yasmine's curly hair. She looked up at me with puffy eyes, which made me sad. What was her history with Ol' Boy? I extended my hand, expecting her to grasp it, as we walked her inside the room and closed the door behind us.

Nobody else was in there except us, and she sat down with her head low while I poured her something to drink in a cup and walked up to her. 

I patted her on the shoulder, prompting her to flinch: "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you, Shawty." I offered her the cup while sitting on the same couch she was on. I saw she was still shivering a little, so I slid over to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer to me. She hesitated at first but then lay her head on my chest.

I looked down at her, watching her drink her water from the cup I had given her. I felt her body relax with my touch, and her eyes locked on mine as we both established eye contact. 

'Fuck, she's so pretty.'

'Damn, he looks good in person.'

She looked away from me as I chuckled at her facial expressions, knowing that I made her nervous, which made me boldly grab her face to make her look at me again just so I could see that gorgeous face.

"Not goin lie you look gorgeous as hell." I said bluntly.

"T-thank you...I never got your name..." she said softly.

"My name is Joshua. I'm Jonathan's brother, but people call me Jey or Josh for short. Whatever you want, mama." Her facial expression seemed a bit perplexed, not having heard something like that before.

'Did he just call me mama? Hmm, I like it very much better than what the fuck Melo used to call me. It's something different.'

We heard the door opening as we moved away from each other, acting like nothing had happened as we saw Montez coming towards us.

"You good little sis? I heard what happened." Montez asked as she nodded her head.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Josh was there in a nick of time before anything else could happen, " she said.

Montez walked towards my way as he dapped me up, thanking me for protecting his sister from her ex-boyfriend. That dude is her ex-boyfriend? No wonder I gotta find out more about that.

I saw Bianca coming into the room as I walked towards her way, pulling her to the side real quick.

"What's up, Joshua?" Bianca questioned me.

"I know it ain't my business or nothing, but I wanna know more about yo' bestie right there. What's her history with Ol' boy?" I said, folding my arms over my chest.

"Look, when the time is right, she'll tell you because it's not my business to tell, but all I can say is that he's dangerous and did something horrible to her." I nodded my head, not wanting to press on the conversation about it, fixing my gaze at her, who was still talking to her brother while her gaze fixed towards my way, smiling at me before looking at Montez.

'She has such a pretty smile, damn just made my heart flutter a little bit.'

'Imma' get to know her more, and when the time is right, she'll be with me.'

After having my match for the main event for tonight I went towards bathroom to take a shower before I could I see Yasmine standing there look like she waiting on someone.

I walked towards her way shirtless as she looked towards my way eye fucking me, which made me have a smug expression on my face.

"Do I look good, mama, or what?" I asked in a deep tone.

She rolled her eyes at me, folding her arms at me, "Yeah, whatever, boy, what'chu doing anyways?" She's so sassy I like that shit; leaning against the wall.

"I was finna head in the shower before going home; how about you? What'chu doing here standing fo'?"

"I was waiting on Montez and Bianca to take us home, but they are taking forever." She pouted. Damn, she's adorable at that, listening to her vent.

"Lemme' take a shower real quick, and I'll take you home. I'll make sure Montez knows before he goes ballistic." Yasmine nodded her head while going inside Montez's locker room, shutting the door while I walked towards the bathroom to take a shower before I took this little girl home.

I don't know why, but she makes my heart flutter and racing like crazy it's like I'm almost in love with her or something, but it seems like she has a scarred heart.

✧˚°

I texted Montez that I'd be taking his younger sister home because she appeared exhausted. I was correct: she fell asleep on the way to her cot. I continued stealing looks at her, watching her slumber like a small child. I drove with one hand on her thigh, stroking my palm across my beard and concentrated on the road as well as Yasmine.

I couldn't help but be mesmerized by her beauty; it was almost as if I was entranced without even realizing it. I eventually pulled up to Montez and Bianca's crib, turning into the driveway without noticing their car. I shook Yasmine lightly, not wishing to startle her. 

Her eyes flutter open, wiping the crust from her eyes, looking around the area and noticing that she was home.

"Hey, pretty mama, you're home." I said as she smiled at me.

"Thank you, Josh, for taking me home when you didn't have to." She said.

"Well, I didn't want you to wait on your big-headed ass brother, so I offered." She chuckled at my comment about her brother as she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car while I did the same, grabbing her bags in the backseat.

We walked up to the door, and she opened it with the key she had on her keychain, opening it while holding it for me. We walked inside the home together, locking the door behind us as I placed her luggage on the wooden floor. I could tell she was fatigued based on her energy and movement. "you sleepy?" She glanced at me, nodded, and rubbed her eyes. I, being the gentlemen that I am, grabbed her by the thighs and carried her upstairs to her bedroom.

I carried her like this, which surprised her because she hadn't been carried like this by a MAN before. 

I made it to her bedroom and opened the door before laying her down, but for some reason, she didn't withdraw her arms from around my neck, leading us to remain close. Noticing her movements, she withdrew her arms away from my neck and walked away from me. I scratched the back of my head, observing her every step.

I saw her taking some clothing from her drawer and thought that was my cue to go home because I had already done my part, right? 

Before I could head out, I heard her say something, but she was stumbling on her words, "C-could you stay just for a little bit? I don't like being by myself." I didn't think it was a good idea since Montez and em' were on the way home, and he'd kill me if he saw me staying the night with his little sister.

"Mama ion think that's a good idea I don't want yo' brother to kill me." I said, hearing her sigh deeply.

"It's fine...I understand...but thanks again, though I appreciate it.." she said softly.

I could tell that she wanted me to stay, so I texted Montez to see.

IMESSAGE 💬 HomieJosh💪🏽: Yo' Montez Fatheadtez😭: what's up? is my sister home? HomieJosh💪🏽: yeah, I made it to yall crib but she just asked me to stay I told her that wouldn't be a good idea I didn't want yo' ass to kill me 😭😭 Fatheadtez😭: look I trust you around my little sister she's been through a lot and she's very anxious maybe you're someone she can go to whenever she's having a panic attack when I'm not there or when the girls aren't or Jon. HomieJosh💪🏽: you sure? Fatheadtez😭: yes dawg I'm sure maybe that's what she needs someone to be there for her and comfort her she really does need that the most after what happened to her. HomieJosh💪🏽: wym? what happened? 🤨 Fatheadtez😭: look don't tell her that I told you this but that dude that was chasing after her that was her ex-boyfriend Carmelo he's from the NXT roster but got drafted on the blue brand with us but that's not the point...the point is...he did something bad to her in her locker room it's...sensitive dawg something that I can't get into but whenever she's ready she'll tell you. HomieJosh💪🏽: A'ight then dawg I'll take yo' word for it. Fatheadtez😭: A'ight I'll pop in to check in just to make sure HomieJosh💪🏽: A'ight 😭😭

After messaging Montez, I noticed Yasmine exiting the shower with a towel wrapped around her body, grabbing her bottle of lotion and deodorant from the dresser. I was observing her lavendering her body with her scented lotion, which smelled lovely, as she returned it to the dresser. That's when she untied her towel and let it drop to the ground as I turned around, not wanting to be a pervert or anything.

"you can turn around now." Yasmine said.

When I turned back, I saw her in booty shorts and a long T-shirt that caressed her body as she strolled towards her bed to get comfy. She left some space for me in case I stayed, which I did, as I removed my shirt and sweatpants and joined her in bed. She had her back to me, nestled up in her pillow, curled up like a ball as I wrapped my arm around her waist, bringing her closer to me.

She felt comfortable underneath me, nuzzling my neck on her shoulder and moving her head toward me, our faces close together. 

"Did my brother say you could?" She asked.

"Yeah, I was texting him about it while you were in the shower Ma." I said as I gazed down at her lips while she did the same with me.

"O-oh okay..." her voice trailed off while turning her head.

Which without hesitation I turned grabbed her by the chin making her look at me once more I didn't want to scare her with my bold actions brushing my thumb against her lips.

"Why do you do that? Hm?"

"D-do what?" Yasmine asked nervously.

"You always look away from me. Do I make you nervous?" She maintained eye contact with me, nodding her head in the process, earning me a chuckle.

I caressed her face, pulled her head closer to my chest, and felt her hand on there as well. She was tracing my Samoan tattoos.

"Did these hurt like all of em'?" She asked while I nodded my head.

"Yeah, it hurt like hell, but I took it like a G, you feel me?" I said, hearing her soft chuckle.

"Probably cried." I sat upright, feeling offended by her statement.

"Excuse me, little girl?"

She laughed at me, covering her lips as I picked her up, placed her on my lap, and held her in place. That's when she stopped all the awful laughing. It's the small things I do that make her feel frightened and silent, like maintaining eye contact while her hands are on my chest and mine are on her hips.

"W-we should go to sleep before Montez walks in on us like this." She said. 

"You scared of him or something?" She punched me on the chest, rolling her eyes because she wanted to be playful, and shit I gave her ass a tiny smack, causing her to yelp. She whacked me upside the head as I winced in agony, laughing at me. A'ight bet I sat up straight, seizing her legs and holding her down on the bed while going between them.

And fuck, she just looked so good underneath me like this seeing all of her natural features. "You know, you look beautiful mama?" She did what she always did but took the compliment instead of giving me an attitude.

"T-thank you." I let her go as she cuddled up on my chest, my hand in the back of my head, and the other holding onto her.

I watched her drift to sleep, hearing my heartbeat going up and down as I rubbed her back gently, making her feel at ease with my touch.

I yawned a few times before closing my eyes and drifting to sleep as well. Hopefully, in the morning, she'll feel better.

SomeThing Bout' Us.

A/n: welll Yasmine and Jey are getting a little touchy feely right now lol but I think Yasmine is honestly really scared due to her commitment issues because of Carmelo and her past relationships.

But she feels safe around Jey and being in his arms and presence will probably change her mind we'll see.

Hope yall enjoy this chapter lmk in the comments below.

Stay Ucey.

[lotusmi]

uhhh neville did talk abt the void state as the I am state. the void state is just the nickname to it. check @zen-shu s post to it. don't assume we don't even know what it is & ur experience does not change that ur pure consciousness aka the I am state is the sane pure consciousness as the void

ok, here we go then...

I got many people asking me why I said that I AM State is different from Void, I never really made a post about it since I did not wanted people to overthink by thinking they can enter 'I AM State' by "accident" while wanting to tap into the void, which is not possible, since the difference is in the intention, not in the affirmation "I AM..." that can be used to tap in both experiences. ♡ I know other bloggers don't agree with me in this topic, yet a experience is a experience. I don't feel 'upset' with it, I still appreciate them so much and it is okay if you don't agree with me.

I AM x VOID

"the I am state is the sane pure consciousness as the void" This is obvious, since there's not 2 consciousness. "Imagination is God, and there is no other God! His name is "I AM" forever and forever." I AM is the name of God, I AM is, actually, not a state. Nor is the void.

A state is what you identify as being or having. States are temporary, I AM is forever. States are not permanent, but I AM is. "A state is simply an attitude of mind, a body of belief, a phase of experience." “There are an infinite number of states. The state of health, the state of being unknown, all are only states and everyone is always in a state.” We are at many and many states right now. But we are ALWAYS I AM. And the void is always, nothingless. That's why I don't really like to call those experiences 'states'.

☯︎ I like to see I AM and VOID as yin yang. Creation is made by opposition. Hot and cold, good and evil, WHOLENESS AND NOTHINGLESS. Consciousness can experiment both.

+ "ur experience does not change that ur pure consciousness" I never said that.

Before reading about the void, I had read At Your Command by Neville. So I tried to do it, and it was exactly as most of experiences people had 3, 4 years ago, before 'void' being a 'method' to ''get desires instantly''. Neville Goddard students had experienced the same I did.

I closed my eyes and started repeating "I am.. I am" and I got numb, then I felt like I was everything, saw my city from the sky (it was not a astral travel), then I felt like I was the trees, the world, other people, I saw the Gold Melting and then I saw myself in the body of my sp, we had fighted some weeks before, and I felt he was sorry and saw him apologizing, I understood "everyone is you pushed out" that day. Then I really entered the state of being forgiven, as Neville said, it's simple to enter a state when you know you are all the states. When I left, I got a text from my sp, saying he was sorry and missed me.

I had others I AM experiences where I felt like being every part of creation, feeling myself being them and all of that. The last was last year, I shared one with Vesora. (ignore the grammar)

A lot of people said to me "this is just what you experienced, it's some random thing." well but it was not only me, here I linked lot's of I AM experiences from NevilleGoddard/reddit. Most of them were posted way before of void being know as this 'magical method'. They did what Neville Goddard said, this was the "I AM" meditation. Am I saying the void did not existed back then? No! The void always existed, but it was not knew as a "manifesting tool" as it now is. And it was not knew this way (we now know) by the old Law of Assumption community. They believed they could change their states using 'I am technique', but they thought they would have to wait a "bridge of incidents", and that the desire would not be manifested instantly. Then here we found the difference.

+Golden Melting experiences commented by Neville (you can skip if you want): "A bolt of lightning splits man in two from the top of his skull to the base of his spine. He is cleft as though he were a tree that had been struck by lightening. at the base of his severed body he sees “the blood of Jesus”, a pool of molten gold; he knows it is himself; then fusing with “the blood of Jesus” he ascends his severed spine in a serpentine motion into his skull. This is to fulfil the Scripture; “This Son of Man must be lifted up as the serpent was lifted up by Moses in the wilderness” (John 3:14)." - Neville Goddard (from He breaks the Shell)

"I was sitting in the Silence, not thinking of anything in particular, just simply contemplating this interior structure of the brain as it were. If you turn your eyes, mentally turn them inward and just let them rest upon the interior of your skull, in a little while all these dark convolutions of the brain grow luminous and they fascinate you. The whole thing becomes liquid and golden liquid light. So while watching this wonderful golden liquid light, suddenly out of the nowhere came a stone, a rock. There’s nothing more sterile, nothing more opaque, nothing more contracted as far as imagery is concerned than a rock. So here was a rock, this quartz. As I looked at it, just simply looking at it, not wondering why it’s before me, but there it is before me, and suddenly it became fragmented, broken into unnumbered pieces. Then all these little pieces were gathered together, but not re-formed into the rock (the original form) but into a human shape. And here it takes human form. Here, I am seeing a man seated in the lotus posture. I became intrigued. As I looked closer, I’m looking at myself. I am the being that I’m contemplating. Here he is seated in the lotus posture and just the very image of the being I knew myself to be. As I looked at him, he began to glow and he increased in luminosity until he reached the limit of intensity, and then he exploded. Then I returned to this level with only the memory of what I had experienced." - Neville (He Is Meditating Me)

"your whole body is split from top to bottom, revealing blood…but the blood is living, golden, liquid light. As you look at it, you not only know it is yourself, but you know it is the Creator and Redeemer…and yet you know it is yourself (Blake, Jer., Plt.96)." - Neville (Everyone Has the Plan in Him)

"you see the golden liquid light that is truly life itself" - Neville (What Must We Do? Believe!)

"At the base of the spine is a pool of golden living liquid light, and as I looked at it I knew it was myself. Here I am a pool of living liquid light" - Neville (Imagination’s Power)

"When you go into the Silence and you see this golden liquid light that moves and moves and moves all through the brain." - Neville (Remembrance of Things Future)

Another topic, most important one for me, is that I AM was knew as this experience where you discover/FEEL you are God, that the world is within you, that everyone is you pushed out. Not as only a tool to "change the world", but as a way to understand YOU are the world and the world comes from you. Then you stop desiring, since you know there's nothing to create, but to accept. Accept that creation is finished, and it is all coming from us. So we don't have to change the world, but change SELF with the knowing we ARE GOD.

The void obsession comes when you think that in order to have what you want, you think you need to access something outside of you, "God power", you have to do something, you have to do a method, you need to tap into the void, etc. But you forget, you ALREADY are God. You focus in 3d and you think "I have to change it". But you don't have to change nothing in the outside, you have to change SELF. And repeating/feeling I AM, which first was a beautiful way Neville taught of understanding you are God, a way to free yourself, "be still and know I am God", turned into a 'hype', a 'escape', a obsession, something that people think they need to somehow enter so that they can change their world, they forget that there's no way to change the world since all you can change is SELF, and that Self, is GOD.

So, at least for me, those are the meaning of the names we are used to think are synonym of "void", based in what they meant in the past:

ps: yes, I know void, God and I AM WORDS have the same meaning of "Conciousness, awareness, mind". But the meaning the community gave to each of them in terms of the name of the different experiences, mean different things.

God State:

"The god state is when you know that you are creating, you know that everything that you desire is coming to you [is already yours!!]. It’s a state where you have full trust that you are manifesting your life.

Being in the god state feels effortless, you know that everything is responding to your thoughts and assumptions."

I AM (as a meditation/experience):

A experience where you feel yourself to be all. Wholeness, everything, everyone. Gold melting. The nature, the animals, you get visions, you almost feel overwhelmed by the knowing nothing exists without being part of you.

VOID:

"When he attains the state of void, all thoughts cease for then pure Thought thinks itself alone." Stillness, emptiness, blackness, nothingless. You don't feel nor see nothing. Know as method to manifest instantly or shift.

+ Can I accidentaly experience one of those? No. If you want to enter THE VOID, you have the intention, you are naturally expecting to 'enter' the void, so you will enter the void.

Again, you don't have to agree with me. But I guess I had included great evidence that sustain my arguments, so that's the post, my views on it.

✩ I see I AM and VOID as WORDS to represent what it is to be/feel God aware of the whole creation, and be/feel God aware of the nothingless the creation was made of.

[a-canceled-stamp]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @motleyfam, @crows-murder and @selkienight60 for the tags! ^.^

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

157,488

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly DC, but Star Wars, Marvel, Malevolent (Podcast), Good Omens, and MHA make appearances too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River)

Then Came the Morning

A Leap of Faith

Talk To Me

There Are Softer Oak Trees

5. Do you respond to comments?

I used to respond to every comment fairly quickly but recently I just haven't had the time :(( I appreciate every single comment though, they bring me such joy 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be cardboard box - the first (sort of) hurt no comfort I've written >:D

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably There Are Softer Oak Trees :)))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do!!!! Or...I'm giving it a shot at least. Not for DC, but for Malevolent. Might post something real soon :3

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I didn't even know this was a thing before today. That being said, I don't think so??

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to collab sometime :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I cannot pick one because I don't really have A favorite. But Stucky (Marvel), DinLuke (Star Wars), Merthur (Merlin), SuperBat (DC), TimKon (DC) and Science Girlfriends (Orphan Black) are all ships I enjoy.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder. I have many ideas for it but unfortunately, I'm not obsessed enough about the characters to fulfill them lmao. Also An Unexpected Visit bc similar to the previous one I have a lot of ideas, but I just don't think I am talented enough to actually write those ideas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've rewritten this answer 10 times, but no version felt right. At one point, I decided I was just gonna skip it. BUT NO. I'm gonna stop worrying about other peepz opinions and just say what I actually believe. And here it is.

I know how to make my writing more immersive with various details like sounds, smells, sensations etc. (and I LOVE doing this. The only issue is I sometimes do it either too much or too little ahdjkhsd)

I am VERY nitpicky. This can seem more like a flaw (and it is), but it has also helped me grow and understand what I like and dislike about my writing. It also means I spend a lot of time editing which makes posting SO much more satisfying (tho sometimes I gotta get those shorter fics out there for the instant serotonin boost lol)

I'm not a huge fan of characters who say/do things that don't make sense considering the genre/plot. Spending more time on this is challenging since I both dislike and SUCK at writing dialogue (why is English so HARD??), but it is also a lot of fun bc I think I am getting better at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, that part about being nitpicky is obviously a lie bc I didn't realize question 17 was gone ahdjshdkj. But I was the one who noticed it first among my friends so...maybe? Nope lol

English grammar. I have to double check every time I write a message to online friends to make sure what I've written is actually a sentence that makes sense.The thing is - I think I'm pretty good, but I actually suck. One time, I wrote mold wine instead of mulled wine in a fic. Never living that down. This is I think why it takes me so long to edit lmao.

Being too harsh on myself and not allowing myself to feel proud about my accomplishments/comparing my writing to other people. Yes, compared to other fantastic writers I suck, and it will always be like that. It's something I'm still struggling to accept, but I'm getting there!

Writing quickly. Like shutting off my brain and just writing doesn't work for me. I have to be there and edit every single sentence that I don't like, and I think this is why it takes so long for me to finish the first draft. Def gotta work on this!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hmm. Instinctively, I think it makes more sense to write something like, "Person A said something in a language I didn't understand" than to write in that language. It's more fun that way. And if both the pov character and I don't understand what Person A saying it makes me sympathize with the pov character more.

That being said, if I ever see someone writing in Swedish in a fic, I will be immensely happy (and horrified)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Rise of the Guardians on ffn. The fic is still there and is still hot garbage, but I did have a lot of fun writing it.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

I know what my LEAST favorite one is hjkahdsjk. Nah but for real, I love all my fics for very specific reasons. Like I have a sort of emotional connection with all of them depending on where I was in life, how I was feeling emotionally at the time, etc.

My top 3 would probably be Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River) bc it was the first fic I put a lot of thought and effort into, There Are Softer Oak Trees bc it makes me soft and fuzzy when I think about it, and cardboard box bc the comments made me fkn cackle.

It feels impossible to tag people who haven't been tagged yet but imma go with @miles2g0, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @they-reap-what-we-sow, @liverobinreaction, and @bonesbuckleup. No pressure ofc!

[itsscottiesstark]

Hi!

Talk to us about your fictions! They're all in my TBR list.

What are you most proud of? What prompted you to write them? Did you ever write anything before GO fanfiction? Was there anything you were nervous about before pressing "post" that turned out didn't need worrying about?

Or anything you want to share about your fictions that's not in the summary! Show off, promote, share links!

Omg hi!! 💞 Wow ummmm first of all thanks for asking and I hope you enjoy my little stories! Buckle up for a long ass response lmao 😂

Okay, one question at a time, I guess. What am I most proud of, well I guess as lame as it sounds I'm proud of myself for trying my hand at writing and putting the stories out there. Turns out anyone can write, who would've thunk? What prompted me? Well- um. Brain rot. Fr, I got these ideas in my head, silly little prompts and they wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote them down. I've been reading fanfiction for- close to 10 years now wow and so I figured why not? Never really wrote anything before good omens, though the ideas were still there for other fandoms as well. I'm nervous every single time I post *anything* on AO3, I go over the chapters again and again, looking for grammar mistakes, questioning the dialogue, questioning my descriptions, questioning the whole story at times- but well at the end of the day I'm proud of the stories and I eventually leave them be. Nobody's complained so far. 😅 Ummmmm can't think of anything that I want to share I haven't already (though thank you for the opportunity 💞) only that writing and posting the stories has made me appreciate fic writers soooo much more and I love how it helped me see how important feedback is. I love leaving comments in other people's stories and seeing the responses almost as much as I love people leaving comments on my stories and responding to them. It's such a beautiful and sadly underrated thing. Leave comments people!!

The links are all pinned to the top of my profile, except for my most recent one which only has one chapter out (even though 11 out of 13 are written and edited). Check out Undone - Chapter 1 if you haven't already and please do let me know what you think! ❤️

[lemotmo]

Do you have any fic pet peeves?

Pfff... all right, I might get some flack for this, but for me?

My pet peeve is bad grammar and bad spelling all throughout the fic. It will turn me off in an instant and I'll just close the tab and move on.

As a non-native speaker who writes fanfic in English I think I can say this. With every single fic I write I do my very best to make as little mistakes in English grammar and spelling as possible.

While writing I do constant research into grammar and spelling. Whenever I want to use a word, but I'm not sure if my spelling is correct, I look it up.

Once the writing of a story/chapter is done, I then read it through in silence at least 10 times to get all the mistakes out. This means that I sometimes rewrite whole paragraphs, because they just don't feel like they fit with the rest of the story. Or the language I used is lacking, so I need to rewrite and make it better.

I then read the story/chapter out loud a couple of times. To see how it sounds and to hear if something doesn't read easy. If I feel that the flow is off somehow, I'll go back in and rewrite the section I didn't like. Sometimes it comes down to adding or removing a comma.

It's a very long and tedious process, but I need to do that before I publish. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to creating things. I need things to be as (near) perfect as they can be.

Which never happens of course, because once I've published, I always read through the story/chapter one last time and I still find little mistakes here and there.

So yeah, my pet peeve is bad grammar and spelling. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people won't take the time to correct their mistakes before posting.

If you feel like it's too much, call in the help of a beta-reader. These are wonderful people who are always willing to help you out when you are stuck in a story or when you want to have your grammar and spelling checked.

Sorry. Please don't hate me. 😁

[casualsavant]

20 Questions More

This is a deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks to @TetsujinOtaku88 for the tag. I'm doing this #Supercorp style.

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship / fandom?

I think the Supercorp Fandom is pretty self-perpetuating because the canon needs to be fixed and there's lots of AUs to put them in. Plus there are so many talented people whose art, video edits, and fanfic fuel each other.

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

Following the answer above I think the beauty of Supercorp is that it attracts really talented creators. I love reading @searidings, @jazzfordshire's fix-its and canon-adjacent stuff, @lgbtimelords, @coffeeshib, @mycatismyeditor, and @snowydragonscave just to name a few. They have such a deftness of language and an understanding of the characters that it's hard to stop reading!

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

I really love Sam Arias, Jess, and Alex. I wish I could get a better handle on Kelly because DANSEN forever. I also have a soft spot for Eliza and a deliciously evil liking for Lillian.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

Karamel, Lames, Top Lena, Bottom Kara. To each their own. It's just not my thing.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

Carry around a little notebook to scribble ideas, lines, sometimes whole scenes. Figure out a rough outline / structure / plot. Do unnecessary amounts of research. Open doc file. Plunge into dismay and self-doubt. Watch the show. Get frustrated. Open the doc file. Be filled with despair and self-loathing. Get a blast of inspiration and productivity. Cycle through mental instability, writer's block, and actual writing. Get dragged by Kara and Lena to unanticipated places that derails what I intended to do. Sighing and doing what the muses want. The elation of completion. Struggling with summaries and tags. Posting. Crippling anxiety and running away from AO3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

The elation of completion. The unnecessary research is fun too.

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

Cherry tree mutations and the structure of yakuza organizations in modern Japan.

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

Different tenses in the same document. Also it's and its.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Describing Kara's post-PZ night terrors and Lena’s fever dreams in Deliverance. Also the action sequence at the end of that story was so difficult.

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

ALL THE TIME.

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Both of them. After I come to my senses and out of a dead faint because I was meeting them at all. And then I would die of sapphication.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

Oh my usual tags are: light angst, tooth-rotting fluff, friends-to-lovers, Lena needs a hug, Kara gets a hug.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Talking with other writers!

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I usually give it some time before I edit so I can have relatively fresh eyes. Spell checking, punctuation, and grammar suggestions help you catch things but NOTHING beats reading it over yourself.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

Definitely the anxiety!!!

16) How do you define sucess for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

I think it's good to track kudos and I love getting comments. But ultimately I wrote for my enjoyment or for my peace of mind because the idea would not let me go.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character / ship?

Nope but that's not a bad idea. 🤔

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

Wow I'd be thrilled if any of them got art. I am partial to the way @rustingcat draws Sakura blossoms though so maybe Cat for No Wrong Seasons.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

8 total. Finishing "the Arcana", "The Sound of Veracity" (Part 2), Prequel and Smutilogue of "Always With Me, Always With You", Supercorptober 2023 "Art" prompt, SG Mayhem fic, the Telepathy/Empathy fic, the Body Swap fic.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

I posted my first Supercorp story in March 2023 feeling it would be completely lost in this large fandom and having no hope for it. I felt that I was too late. That everything had been done (and done better). I did find readers who liked and some who really loved my work. But mostly I learned to write for myself, which has truly been a gift. Write for yourself. Write what you'd want to see. You'll get better at it over time.

Tagging but no pressure: @fyonahmacnally @nottawriter @chaotic-super @luthordamnvers @fazedlight

[technically-a-writer-technically]

remember to do the biphobia/queer hangout post!!

i rlly wanna read it!!<3

Assumption Make an Ass Out of You

Prompt by @whomst-the-hell: steve always knew he was queer fic where steve keeps trying to invite himself to Queer Hangouts w eddie and robin and they keep being like “uhhhh this isnt really your scene…” until steve is finally like “listen i get it ok theres all this fucking stigma but you two are the last people i expected this from!” and eddie and robin are like “youre a very good ally and we appreciate it but the truth is you just cannot relate to some of our experiences and you need to accept that!” and then steve is like “woooaaaahhh hold on i think we’re having two different conversations. i thought you were doing that thing gay ppl do sometimes where they treat bi people like we arent really queer or whatever. did you guys genuinely think i was heterosexual? lol that’s embarrassing”

Gave it a spelling and grammar check before putting it on A03: Assumption Make an Ass Out of You - technically-a-writer-technically (RegularRainbow) - Stranger Things (TV 2016) [Archive of Our Own]

Eddie calls Robin: Birdie

Tags: Angsty, probably a bit ooc, they mean well, their tough love is tough though. Original Male Character/Steve Harrington. I tried learning 80s Slang for this, it lasted several hours and then I wrote this all-in-one sitting, so probably not 80s accurate, especially towards the end. Not beta read, we die like men.

1. Never met an Ally so Good

Tall, Olive Skin, Green Eyes, passed Steve a drink, something pink and yellow, blended ice, with a tiny umbrella and a cherry.

“I didn’t know what you were drinking, but I took my best guess” He said, smile bright as fluorescent lights. The guy was cute in a clinical type of way, clean cut, clean-shaven.

Steve smiled, took the straw from his melting ice in a cup, and gave it a taste, twisting the straw around his tounge. “Ah. Tastes Perfect,”

“Oh, you’re a real maneater aren’t you,” He slipped between Steve’s legs, resting his hands on either side of Steve, boxing him in, “Come on Pretty Boy let me take you for a spin.”

Steve smiled, red decorating the tips of his ears and nose. “Sorry, can’t stay that long gotta drive back to nowhere-ville”

“Alright, Just one dance then, and maybe your number?”

Steve bit the corner of his lip, and smiled “Maybe …” All doe eyes, looking up from under his lashes,“ … maybe you could kiss me?”

“Hey, why don’t you back off” said Eddie, stepping between the two, pushing the guy back with an extended hand.

“Really! I don’t see your name on him” The guy squawked, Steve hadn’t even gotten his name.

“That’s not,” was Eddie’s reply, he sighed “look I’m helping you, trust me, he’s just being nice.”

“Looks like a fucking Belle to me,”

Eddie tilted his head and fixed him with a look, throwing his hand up as if to shrug, and said, “He’s just too nice to tell you to go away.”

“Look there are better ways to get dudes off your guy, you don’t gotta lie,” Then he peeked behind Eddie to get a good look at Steve one more time, and with a wink, he said, “If you ever find yourself in need of French lessons you know where to find me.”

Steve giggled, twirling his straw. (Fucking Flirting.)

Then, Steve said, “You really didn’t need to do that Eddie, I was fine, he was fine.”

“No, he was not fine. He was hitting on you, Steve” Robin chimed in.

“Isn’t that, like, the point of all this. Aren’t we here to get hit on? Flirt a little,” Steve leaned in and whispered, “Wave the white flags, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, but it’s not cool to lead people on Steve, especially not here.” Eddie said.

Steve winced a little, his smile falling slightly, before he picked it back up, “I mean, there’s no harm in flirting, I didn’t know you guys were gonna get all riled up because I didn’t want to take him home.”

“Look it’s not all about sex, this is about community.” Robin said.

Steve sucked his teeth, and took a swig of his beer, “Okay, uh, whatever, I’m gonna pay for my drinks, and uh, sit in a fucking corner I guess.”

“Grow up, King Steve” Eddie said.

“Fuck you, Eddie, King Steve thinks you should find your own ride home.”

“I mean, we should probably leave.” Robin said.

“No, Rob, if it’s gonna be like that, I’ll just wait in the car.” Steve said. He gathered his things, throwing his coat on, fluffing his hair up and out from under the collar of his a letterman style jacket.

Steve stepped out into the cool night air, face hot with fury. He sighed, trying to release the tension that had begun to build.

“Hey, Pretty Boy, I didn’t get your name before your guard dog cock-blocked.”

“It’s — He’s just a friend. And, Uh, It’s Steve, Yours?”

“My friends call me Ian,”

“Well, Ian, thanks for the drink”

“Really,” Ian said, and it was almost a laugh, “I just had the bartender throw something together, I don’t like that fruity shit, I mean not like that, I just don’t like fruit juice, from fruit,” His talking tapered out. “You’re super cute, and it kind of fries my brain. I mean those pants are too tight.” (Ian say too tight, like he doesn’t mean it, like those pants make him think of something else.)

Steve laughed and looked down at himself, before smiling back at Ian. “Still want my number?”

2. Lavender Menace

Steve dyed the bottom layer of his hair purple. The faintest shade of lavender, barely it, In fact, it was practically silver. But, still, he was sure that everyone who needed to know that it wasn’t silver, would notice. They would notice.

“Did you dye your hair, Steve?” Robin asked, leaning across the Book Store counter to get a good look at his peek-a-boo dye job.

Steve resisted the urge to shake his head and show off. It took a long time to get his hair all nice, he wasn’t gonna mess it up for five seconds of Rob’s appreciation, not after the stunt she and Eddie pulled with Ian.

“Joyce helped,” Steve said, and brushed his fingers through the thick of his hair to show off the dye, just a little bit.

“Don’t you think you should have gone with another color,” Rob said, “You don’t want people to get the wrong idea about you.”

“I —“

“The hoard has arrived,” Eddie declared, as Mike, Will, and Dustin ran in straight for the new comic book section. “Whoa, your hair.” he said.

“Yeah, my hair.” Steve felt the weight of a frown pull at the corners of his mouth.

“You sure that’s the right color?” Eddie grabbed a lock of Steve’s dyed hair, and twirled it between his fingers, “You let the toner sit too long, it’s all purple-y now.”

With a huff, Steve said, “I was going for purple-y”

“Yeah?” Robin said.

“Why?” Eddie said.

“Because I want people to know I’m down with Dorthy” Steve said.

“You shouldn’t have dyed your hair purple, though” Eddie replied.

“Yeah, I agree, I think it’s a bit much … you’ve gone a bit too far this time, and after the bar” Robin said

“W-What do you mean after the bar that was all you guys, I was just having a good time.”

Eddie sighed and looked away, throwing his head back, and disappearing down an isle. “You explain it to your pet jock, Birdie, my head hurts.”

“Look Steve, people don’t need to know you’re ‘down with Dorothy’ it’s better if your not loud about it actually, keeps everyone safer anyway.”

Steve gets hot in the face, bright white-hot red in the cheeks, breaks into a sweat, he’s so mad. Then he’s close to crying, clearing his throat some, but it’s closing in on him. He’s so furious, he’s near tears about it. Dancing around breaking into tears.

If they didn’t like his hair, they could have just said that.

“Whatever you say, Robin” he said, wetly.

“Steve come on, it’s not your life, it’s ours” was Robin’s reply.

He doesn’t speak to her for the rest of their shift.

When Steve got home, he dialed Ian’s house. Ian was there in five minutes flat (He lived 15 minutes away).

“Wow,” Ian said, “Your hair”

“Yeah, I know it’s awful” Steve said, the memory of his earlier conversations brought up sour thoughts.

“No, no, you look pretty, a real bodacious babe.”

Steve smiled, for the first time since he got of shift. “Shut up,”

“Kiss me about it,” was Ian’s reply.

3. Steve’s House Doesn’t have a Purple Door.

“You could have your party at my place?” Steve said, “My parents aren’t gonna be home for another like month anyway”

Eddie smiled at Robin,

“Plus, I’m great at throwing parties, you remember my parties.”

“I don’t think we,” Eddie gestured between himself and Robin, “Were ever invited to King Steve’s famous parties.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Steve said, “But they were famous for a reason. Have it at my place, it makes sense. The venue is like 50% of a party.”

“I was thinking, no allies though” Eddie said, “Just queer deviancy,” Eddie brought the devil hands up to his head like ears and smiled at Robin. They fist bumped.

What they meant was no Steve it seemed.

“Hey, can you pick us up? Robin voice came through the phone loud, like she was shouting on her end of the line.

“From where?” Steve asked.

“A party,” Robin said, Steve felt her wiggle her eyebrows, and she giggled softly.

“I need the location?” Steve said.

“Oh, um, were near Byrock Ct,”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few.”

Steve got in his car and drove to the Byrock Bar, with its purple backdoor. Ian took him there once, and they danced. Steve loved dancing, it was nice letting go.

This didn’t feel nice.

Robin and Eddie crammed into the backseat of his car, laughing, tipsy, and maybe a little high. Covered in glitter. Eddie had red lipstick on and smeared down his chin. Robin was wearing, glitter gloss and a silvery highlighter.

“You guys look like you had fun,” Steve finally said, before he pulled off.

“I thought you guys were gonna stay in tonight,”

“Steve,” Robin said, it seemed with no real purpose at all, except maybe to stop Steve from going on.

“No, I remember you guys saying that nothing fun was happening tonight so you guys weren’t going out, that’s what you told me!” Steve said, he was white-knuckling the steering wheel.

“Look, Steve, Birdie’s not gonna tell you, but sometimes we’ve got to leave poor ol’ Stevie at home.” Eddie said, kicking his feet up on the block of an armrest between the driver’s and passenger’s seat.

“Not every night is meant to include you, sometimes daddy’s got to come out and play” He said with a smile and a laugh.

Robin sputtered, “Ew, ew, I never want to hear you say something like that again.”

The drive home consisted of laughter and chatter between Eddie and Robin.

Steve pulled up to the entrance of Eddie’s trailer park, it was a short walk, maybe two trailers in was Eddie’s home. Usually, Steve drove him right up to the entrance, any closer and Eddie would fall into his home after opening the door.

“We’re here” Steve said, and put his car in park.

Eddie balked, “Really, are you being serious right now Stevie?”

“Shut up, don’t call me that.” Steve said, quickly, afraid he sounded like a petulant child, but angry enough that it didn’t matter much. “Get out of my car.” He said each word, one by one.

“Okay, King Steve, I’ll never ask for a ride with getting you your invite.”

“You’re a real fuck head, Eddie.”

“Whatever,” Eddie said, and slammed the door.

“That wasn’t fair dude,” Robin said. “How are we supposed to trust you if-”

Steve turned around, giving Robin a death stare, “Nothing, I don’t want to hear it, I, fuck Rob, I trusted you guys”

“Steve?”

“Shut. Up. Shut up.”

He dropped Rob off in front of her house, didn’t even pull into the driveway. He watched her get home safe, same way he did Eddie.

4. Steve’s Queer Agenda

Steve hasn’t been talking to them. He’s not gonna apologize first. And he’s not gonna speak to them until they apologize. Even if he felt like a bitch laying the silent treatment on thick.

Ian was rubbing his back, letting him lay all over him.

He mumbled into Ian’s lap.

“I can not understand jibberish.”

“Play with my hair, loser”

“Ooh, be nice.” Ian said, threading his finger into Steve’s hair.

There was a knock at the door, nice and sweet. Then another, practically knocking the door off its hinges.

“Okay, okay, coming” Steve shouted.

“Harrington residence, how can I help you?” Steve said.

Eddie smiled, pushing himself and Robin into the Harrington homestead.

Ian leaned up, peering over the sofa. He was looking for Steve, evident by the smile on his face, that fell quickly when he saw the culprits making Steve so, well, sad. Sad was the only way to put it. Beneath the quiet anger was hurt, and it hurt more than it made Steve angry. “Well, well, if it isn’t the terrible two-some”

“Bar guy?” Eddie said.

“Ian. My name is Ian.”

“Well, what are you two doing here because I don’t hear enough ass-kissing.” Ian said.

“Look,” Eddie said, looking from Ian to Steve “Maybe we all have the wrong idea,”

“Steve, I’m sorry we told you not to come out with us, and then had you come pick us up,” Robin said.

“Me too, I’m sorry” Eddie said.

“You’re a good ally” Eddie started.

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Steve interrupted. “Why even come if you’re just gonna fucking invalidate me to my face, what’s the point? I get it, I’m bisexual. I’m not gay. Fucking, Steve’s not queer enough to come out with us and get shitfaced. Whatever, call me whatever you want behind my back, but in my house? Really!”

“What?” Robin and Eddie said, practically in unision.

“Look, be biphobic somewhere else, okay. I don’t feel like dealing with this ever again.”

“No, no, I thought you were straight,”, “We,” Eddie gestured between himself and Robin, “thought you were straight.” Eddie practically tripped over his words, he was speaking them so fast.

“Are you fucking with me?” Steve said, “You thought I was straight.”

Eddie hesitantly nods, “We maybe thought you were straight.”

“Fucking, fuck you guys,”

“Yeah, fuck you guys” Ian said, repeated from the couch, laying down ergo he wasn’t visible anymore. “You made my boyfriend cry”

Robin looked horrified, “Steve, I didn’t know, I’m so so sorry. I never meant to make you feel like you didn’t have a community.” She quickly wiped away her tears, evidently determined not to cry right now, as she got red and sniffly. Robin walked toward Steve arms out like she was going to try to hug him. She was.

Robin said, “Can I hug you, Steve”

Steve, who had been trying to keep it all together, sniffled. He wasn’t going to cry if she wasn’t. He was supposed to be mad. He wrapped his arms around her, and buried his head in her shoulder.

Steve wanted to be angry, or he felt like he should be angry. Yet, he wasn’t, he was mad at them for making assumptions, for excluding him.

But, they were family. He’d been mad at them for as long he could, and then he’d taken to gray, blah, sadness. Not crying, but like trying to stave off a rainstorm. There was nothing he wanted to hear more than: we accept you.

It helped take the edge off. He could be mad about it later, take in all their forgiveness now.

“I’m really sorry, Steve, really, really, sorry” Robin said.

“We fucked up, Steve, I fucked up. I’m sorry too. I’m really sorry.” Eddie said.

“Now kiss,” Ian chimed in.

Steve laughed.

[severeweatheralert]

Things I learned while writing two novel-length fics in the space of nine months

Or, advice I hope might be of someone use to someone out there, but all brains are different so YMMV. Ironically, this is probably the longest tumblr post I've ever written. Do let me know if you got something out of it!

Planning

You don't need to know every single plot detail at the start. It DOES really help to know roughly where you're going, plotwise and thematically, so it feels less like you're running straight into the great unknown and more like you're headed to some destination. Even if you don't quite know how you're going to get there, yet.

You don't need to know every single character detail, either. Favourite song? Favourite food? I couldn't name my own, let alone my characters'. What is important is a general idea of what makes them tick. What do they want? Why are they here? How do they think? (and if you do introduce details, save them in a notes file someplace, so you can easily find them later).

Outlines are great. Outlines are not the law. If you come up with something that works better than the thing you'd originally planned? Change it.

Scene setting

Remember that you're writing fic, not a movie script. That means you don't have an effects team to pay and you can make the entire environment do whatever you want. Forest fire on the horizon to match your characters' mood? Do it.

Trust that your readers' imagination works. You don't need to describe every single detail to set a scene effectively. Just pick out a few that give off the mood you want, and leave it at that. (Setting dependent, of course- a scifi setting will need more description than a classroom or a hospital room, where most people will have been in their life at least once). This goes for character descriptions too.

Sprinkle scene descriptors through the dialogue/action instead of starting with a whole paragraph of exposition. You'll pull people in quicker.

Research: if you're setting your fic in an existing place, it helps to do (some) research and incorporate that in the work. Simple things like incorporating the name of an existing retail chain or a highway makes your setting feel a lot more real. Google Maps is great if you're writing in a country you've never been to. Just hop on streetview.

Drafting

If you're trying and failing (multiple times) to write a scene, ask yourself if there might be a pacing reason for that. Is the scene necessary at all? Are you trying to start too early in the scene? What are you trying to establish with it, and could that maybe happen elsewhere in the story?

If you get stuck on a phrase/name you haven't picked/word you can't think of/detail you haven't yet researched: put something like [NAME] in brackets. Then keep going. You can come back to it later and you don't need to disrupt your writing flow.

Turn grammar and spell check off. Run a spell check when editing but don't get haunted by the little red line while drafting. A lot of the time its suggestions are bad anyway.

When writing dialogue-heavy scenes, it's sometimes nice to get the actual dialogue out of the way first, then come back later and add actions or descriptions in between to pace the dialogue.

Sometimes you'll have to draft a scene multiple times before it feels right. This is painful, but ultimately okay.

Feel like you should write but don't really want to? I like to set a timer for like 20-30 minutes, give it a go, and if I'm not into it by the time it goes off I'll go do something else.

Editing

Let a section sit for at least a day before going back in to edit. Give your brain some time to forget some of it. You can still draft the next bit in this time!

Sometimes it helps to set the text to a different font or to paste it into a different text editor. Trick your brain into thinking you haven't seen it before, basically. If you're brave, you can even use the editor of whatever website you're posting to.

This is when you run the spell check. But remember: you're allowed to mess with grammar and use words that the spell check says don't exist. "He deadpanned" is a perfectly understandable dialogue tag, for example.

Use a thesaurus! I like powerthesaurus.org because it has a dark mode. The main thing to remember is that you're using it to find synonyms that may fit your meaning/the mood better, not to find more complex words. Especially useful if you find yourself using the same word over and over in a section.

Practical things

Brainstorming on paper works WAY better for my brain than brainstorming digitally, for reasons unknown. Plus you get the fullfillment of using up a notebook.

Have a scraps folder for deleted scenes. Don't actually delete them! You can scrap them for good lines later.

Especially for longform work, keep notes. Things like repeated lines, relevant plot details, things you want to incorporate in future chapters: keep them somewhere where you can find them.

For writer's block: sometimes you need to let a story simmer for a bit. I like going for hikes or chewing on my plot in the shower.

I like having two WIPs with vastly different moods at the same time. One in posting stages, one in drafting stages. That way if I don't want to work on a very moody WIP, I can switch to the other and still get something done.

If you're writing longform work: you'll improve over time. Try to resist the urge to go back and edit the first chapters once they start grating at your perfectionism. Especially if you've already posted them.

Don't write the whole thing in one document if it's longer than ~10k. I like SmartEdit Writer to organize my fics. It's free.

Uploading

I'd recommend having a few chapters' backlog before you start posting. This way you a) know you like the fic enough to keep working on it for more than one chapter; b) have some backlog in case writer's block strikes or life gets in the way of writing; c) can go back and edit in foreshadowing or edit out plotholes as you discover them.

If you have (and want to give) a lot of content warnings, keep a list while you're writing the chapter, so you don't have to figure it out last minute before uploading.

Your works' stats (kudos/hits/subs/comments) say nothing about the quality of your work. This one is hard to internalize.

[multiwreckedmess]

No Reason 3

For some reason this post is giving me issues.

Synopsis - You needed an easy going person with no strings attached and San knew just the man. Now memories of Mingi haunt your daily life despite your best efforts to forget him. There’s no reason to mourn something that never existed, right?

Pairing - Mingi x fem!Reader (I try to limit pronoun usage but AFAB is what I know best)

CW -  Smut (like substantial in this part). Angst. An additional TW under the cut.

Words - 5.2k~ (in this part)

This is sort of an angsty multi part smutty thing I started writing this past spring and I am oddly attached to it. I’ll post the other parts later as I clean them up. it’s been across like 2 computers and 2 word processors so sorry for any of the formatting/grammar fallout from that. As a reminder this is a work of FICTION by clicking to read under the cut you acknowledge that you are mature enough to understand that this does not represent Mingi or any member of Ateez in any way. If you have difficulty with this concept please do not continue forward or interact with my work!

This is a multi part series please check out my masterlist for other posts!

PREVIOUS

ADDITIONAL TW: Unprotected sex (x2), cumming inside, poor communication about sexual desires (but are you surprised atp)

I cannot stress enough the importance of healthy communication. Please talk to your partners openly and honestly about your needs in all aspects of life.

Home from the great outdoors!

You hit send on the slack to your coworkers Hongjoong and Seonghwa, they emote cheers back at you. That’s right. You can’t let him distract you from your job, you have to remain productive, you can’t let seeing him ruin your whole day. Radiator clanging and hissing droning out your thoughts, the faint sounds from tvs in adjacent apartments serves as a welcome reminder that life goes on for other people no matter what personal tragedy you may be suffering. Work to do, a body to feed and bathe, friends to keep up with. Admittedly, you’d been bad on the keeping up with friends part. Weeks turning into months spent dodging San’s invitations to go out with a barrage of excuses that were wearing thin. How many extra projects could you lie about work assigning to you before San took it upon himself to demand a night off, you wondered. How many times would Wooyoung prod you for a coffee date?

There was no reason to miss him.

Mingi had gotten bolder as the days grew shorter, not even wasting time with the club charade and just calling you directly. . What was worse is that it worked. It always worked. Somehow he always convinced you to come over like a cute puppy looking for scraps. Looking for scraps was not what you wanted, you wanted the whole damn buffet. Still you stayed and slept in his bed, and fell into the comfort of being wanted. Still you’d both dodged the obvious question, what exactly were you doing?

“Just tell San a thing came up?” “Mingi, your dick getting hard cannot be why i cancel on our dearest friend.” “Booo tomato tomato, bad pun!”

Escape from chez du Mingi was going poorly. You were pressed to the entryway wall again battling Mingi’s efforts to keep you from going out. It was cute and swoon worthy when he offered to help you put your shoes on, little did you know it was a ploy to hurl them halfway into the apartment and cage you between his arms, his palms making their way up the back seam of your stockings. “Convince me,” you smirk and sigh. “Convince me I shouldn’t go out to dinner with our pal Choi San tonight.”

His hands reach the tops of your thigh highs and fingers graze the cleft of your ass. Slowly he bunches up the hem of the tight maroon sweater dress you’d worn the previous day, planting pecks on the newly exposed skin. It feels nice to be this wanted, you think as you card your fingers through his hair, having transformed into more of a mane than a coif. “Don’t think you’ll need much convincing-” he mutters, lifting the knit of the dress over your ass, no-seam underwear pulling upwards with it. The silky slip of fabric doesn’t deter him, mouthing at your mound, unbothered by the quickly dampening gusset. He teases you mercilessly, kissing the tops and insides of your thighs before returning to your center to remind you of his goal. Involuntarily your hips seek him out, trying to capture him in those moments. “I HATE when you’re right.” The sentence comes out breathy when you mean it to be forceful. All power redirected to your legs, actively trying to collapse under you, nearly buckled onto Mingi’s shoulders. Large hands holding tight to your hips, encouraging them forward. Shoulder blades pressed to the cool plaster your back arches into him as hot breath hits your belly from a suppressed chuckle. “Thought you wanted to see San.” He traces band of your underwear all the way from your thighs to your cunt, tugging upwards into the crease. The little bit of friction has you squirming. “Mingi,” you whimper. Later the desperation in your voice would ring in your head, a haunting specter of embarrassment. “I do want to see him…” you trail off as your head spins. Tugging your panties off fully his tongue finally slips between your folds, eagerly indulging your every gasp and moan. “That’s right.” He mutters as your vision swims. Taking advantage of his size, his hands maneuver you easily, nearly pulling you completely over his kneeling body as you shakily perch above him. Your palms flat to the wall to support you, hips rocking nearly riding his face, the strong steady circles of his tongue have you chanting his name like a hymn until your breath catches in your throat and spine curls forward. Every pulse you feel the blood rushing in your veins as the wall catches your back once again. Mingi is already standing up, unbuckling his pants. Smiling he sticks his tongue out at you and licks his lips exaggeratedly before attacking your throat. “No marks.” He grunts and nips the column of your throat. “Mingi.” He sighs begrudgingly, fingers finding your core and burying themselves. Mingi is used to the process now, taking care to gently stretch you on his fingers, relaxing your hyperactive muscles. Letting them get used to the intrusion. He rocks his hips against your thigh in time with his fingers, already stiff in his sweats. “Fuck,” your heart pounds as grind down into the heel of his palm. The sweet come hither beckoning of fingers gently stroking you to your shuddering high. Mouth hung open against your chest he groans as your walls tense and release around his digits. “Good?” “Yes.” “Still want to see San?” Something in the tone of his voice makes you think he might be a little jealous. You roll your eyes, “shut up and fuck me, you dick.” Whirling you around face into the wall, you hear the clang of his belt on the floor. The tip of his bare cock brushes along your slit. Eyes closed in anticipation you breathe in once, twice, three times- “Shit-fuck-” You’d forgotten too, swept into the moment, the ravishment, the romance of it all. The rustling of cloth and soft padding of Mingi’s feet on the floor away from you. You open your eyes and turn your head to see him frantically pawing through his bedside table. It’s quite the sight, large cock swinging proudly as the equally large man looks panicked into a small box. “I’m out. I’m finally out,” he sounds partially in awe, partially in horror. “Babe. In your bag- do you ha-” You don’t move an inch, cheek still rubbed into the plaster, ass fully presented. “Just fuck me Mingi.”

His eyes widen as he returns to hold you tight to him, covering you in kisses, each feels like an apology. “We-you-you don’t have to. We could-I could-” Mingi fumbles, embarrassed and excited all wrapped into one. It’s cute that he thinks at this point you’d want anything else. It’s funny how fate has left you. It’s not a wise decision. You should listen to Mingi, you know in the back of your mind that he’s right, there are many other ways to have you both satisfied in the end that doesn’t have the same risk associated. But you want him. You’d wanted him for a while and fate had dealt you the winning hand. Reaching behind you, you pull his hips close and position him flush with your entrance. “I’m clean, I trust you. Please.” Mingi grabs your wrist, wrapping your hand in his as he pins it to the wall. His forehead pressed to the nape of your neck, the head of his cock breaches your core just barely. He grunts. Though you can’t see him you know his lower lip is tucked into his teeth in concentration. “Fuck you’re so warm,” he shivers as he rocks his way into you. “So warm and fucking soaked.” He feels better too. Closer. Warmer. More real. Every ridge and pulse of his cock immediately readable by your cunt. Hip bones meeting your buttocks you release twin groans, stilling into silence. Breath tickling your back he kisses your spine. “Don’t move or I'll cum inside you.” Your pussy throbs and squeezes down harder around him. Your brain knows that he meant it as a kind alert, no ulterior motives, but your cunt wishes he meant it as a promise. It’s not like you could even move much; face and chest fully plastered to the wall, held up by your tiptoes and force. As Mingi’s breathing slows his unoccupied hand travels to your lower belly, splaying downwards to brush lightly over your clit. “I can’t wait to feel you cum on my cock,” his lips brush your skin with every syllable. Tentatively his hips pull back, just enough for a small exploratory thrust back in. Your back bends into an exaggerated arch as he slowly builds up speed, fucking you into the entryway wall. Fingertips circling your clit each drag of his cock summons a throaty huff from deep in your lungs. Maybe later you’d worry that the neighbors could hear every strangled groan and thud but for now Mingi made sure you could only think of him. “I can feel myself in you,” Mingi groans, the heel of his palm resting at your public bone, feeling the slight bulge as he fully sheaths himself inside. Normally you’d swat him for touching your belly but the pressure pushes your spot directly in line with his thrusts sending your free hand clambering up the wall. If you had the capacity to think you’d feel dumb, repeating his name ad-nauseum when you aren’t squealing and gulping down tearless sobs. “Mingi-full, Mingi-I’m-Mingi-I’m close-” you plead as his thrusts shorten and quicken. Rubbing inside, rubbing your clit, and palm pressing outside, it’s overwhelming in the best way. Mingi growls, vibrations traveling through your back. “So-tight. So-warm. Taking-taking-so well-” His hips snap into you at a brutal pace, walls clenching down as your eyes roll back in your skull. Every muscle in your body contracts as your consciousness floats halfway between here and elsewhere. Simultaneously at peak relaxation and working on overdrive. Each orgasm rolling over you in quick succession, body barely able to balance on a singular shaking leg. “Shit-, where doyouwan-” Mingi slurs, hand finally unpinning from yours to hold your hips in place. His thrusts are erratic, you can tell he’s barely holding on as your walls greedily clench and milk around him as you climax. Fully fucked out you want to tell him to just cum inside you. You need him to cum inside you. A prize. If he came inside you, you’d have done a good job. You’d be worthy. Worthy of him. “Back or mouth.” The primal need to feel the pulse of his cock draining deep within you nearly overcomes your better self before your post climax clarity lassos your brain back to earth. “Back.” Mingi buries his face between your shoulder blades; he rips himself from you, hot ropes of cum hit the cleft of your ass and trail down your thighs as both of you crumple into the wall. You should feel lucky that he was able to pull out just in time but you don’t. The plaster is sticky against your cheek, every part of your body aches and craves the careful hands of a chiropractor. Mingi pants, entire body pinning yours in place. His breath makes your back feel warmer and stickier than it already was. “Nap?” “Clean up then nap.” He hums, beginning to pull away. “Legs- help-” you slide and fumble without his additional weight holding you up. He laughs for a second before wrapping his arms around you, paying no mind to the sticky mess he left on your back. The two of you waddle to the kitchen sink, where he drapes you against the counter. Mingi runs the water first over his hand and then over a small section of paper towel before carefully wiping your thighs and back, making sure to remove all signs of him. The water dries cold on your skin, you hardly notice his hand lingering, resting possibly on your opposite hip. “I’ll add condoms to the shopping list.”

There was no reason to miss him.

The apartment doorbell is more of an unpleasant buzz than a clear ring. It’s not friendly, it’s urgent and demanding. Pay attention to me! Pay attention now! Hurry! The ability of that buzz to cut like a knife through the thickest of hazes was nothing short of impressive. It would take one buzz to rouse even the deepest sleeper. Three short buzzes snaps you out of your dissociative fog. No packages were expected, you hadn’t ordered delivery, a check of your phone shows no missed calls, not that you’d expect anyone to visit you anyway. Quickly crossing to the door you peer through the peephole, fisheye view only able to see the warped shape of a man's chest but the low clearing of throat was unmistakable.

It was him.

There was no reason for him to be here. He’d never been here. Your lair, your comfort, the one space with no memories of him or any other relationship, just yours. But there he was, standing at your door, definitively at your door, nearly blocking the entire peep hole. How he had found you, who he must have asked, what he may have told them – the thought made you hug your arms across your chest. Oh fuck, you thought, considering the states you and your apartment were in. Braless, underwearless, in an oversized tee shirt and sweatpants. Dishes unwashed, a couple sex toys strewn on the floor, plugged into their associated chargers, stack of mail growing on the tiny dining table that served more junk than meals.

Three sharp knocks follow the buzzes. Oh no no no.

Brain screaming at you, telling you to ignore him for as long as you have to for him to go away. Each movement feels mechanical, ordered with every inch of concentration you can muster. You grip the doorknob, jerking the door open just enough for your head to peek around.

“We need to talk.” He sounds strained. He looks good even with his beanie and mask on. “I don’t have anything to say.” Your voice sounds foreign to you, croaky, as though you hadn’t talked in years. A shoe lodges itself in the crack you’ve opened. “I need to talk.” You rake your teeth across your lips, dry as a desert. “I don’t have to listen.” “Please. I don’t want to do this in the hallway with my mask on and I’ve got to talk to you.”

It’s the soft ‘please’ that melts your resolve. He really could’ve just stopped talking there. His please makes you want to pull down the moon for him, you’d disrupt tides for him if that was what he was asking for. Luckily he was asking for something much simpler than harnessing the moon, all he wanted was time, your time. Dropping your grip on the doorknob you take a step back, letting the door tap the edge of his foot as it gently attempts to swing into place, not quite letting him in, not quite forcing him out. Neutral. He’s not, not allowed. Pointedly not an invitation. Decidedly not a dismissal.

He’s politely cautious crossing the threshold, so unlike your fateful first night. No giggling, no crashing, both of you a mile apart in the 3 meter distance. Mingi pauses a second, perhaps waiting for you, perhaps simply surveying the scene, unwinding the loops of his mask from his ears. You don’t offer him a place to sit, not that there was one for a guest, nor do you attempt to clear a space for him. Like a mother bear you stand in the middle of the chaos, arms straight out, shoulders tensed and almost defensive as you wait for his first move, his first strike.

“San told me that when a person breaks up with you they’ve already gone through the mourning process–” “We didn’t break up.” You jump into his prepared monologue immediately with a correction. He sighs, tamping down his temper. “Then what did we do?” Carefully considering the options you pace your words, “simply disentangled our lives.”

Mingi looks to the floor, hair falling and shielding his eyes. He shifts uneasily on the spot, forced by you to throw out his entire rehearsed speech. He throws his head back and looks up at the ceiling, studying the plaster molding fiercely. Your stomach lurches, he’s not doing well. He hasn’t been sleeping. The corners of his mouth twitch and it’s almost too much to bear. Until then you’d been avoiding looking too closely at his face, afraid of what it might reveal. It’s difficult to pretend to not know what is written across someone's expression. It’s much easier to stick to their exact precise words. Words, words, words, what was left between you and Mingi, words.

“You left me there with a note. It could’ve been a text. It was so short. Why?” Mirroring your stance, his entire body is tense. “There wasn’t much more to say. Let’s not meet anymore. That’s it. We weren’t anything. That’s all.” “No. Why? Why did you let me think I had done something wrong? Why did you let me worry that I had hurt you? Why did I have to feel like I did something to you? Did I? Did I do something to you? Please. Please. I need to know or I’ll never sleep again.” He presses forward with each volley lobbed directly at you, stress rolling off of his body, pent up from months of planning and rehearsing. The gap between you is closed to a mere foot as he stoops to catch your eyes.

“We-my-I can’t do it. It’s me. I can’t be that cool girl for you. I’m sorry.” He pushes his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. With every slow breath a new emotion flits through his body; frustration, sadness, acceptance. “Why did you walk away like that?”

It was the first cold day in early November. Whispers of thanksgiving plans passed between coworkers before the start of virtual meetings, excited at the prospect of even a small gathering. A pro-question dodger, you used the angst around potential new strains to keep your own plans obscured. Truly how long would you be able to hide it though? What were your plans? Well. You didn’t have any and saying that you didn’t have any somehow hurt more than pretending like you had something up in the air. When everyone was alone together the year prior it was easier to swallow the loneliness with a shot of ‘doing your part’ to chase it. Your building’s heat was not yet on, old as it was it relied on a super coming in and physically turning it on, paired with the gray sky it made moping around in every article of wool clothing you owned feel even more isolating.

It was the first cold day in early November. Mingi’s chest rises and falls with his slow steady breaths. You’re curled up in the crook of his arm, pressing as much of yourself to him as possible underneath the blanket, drifting in and out of consciousness. He smells like the woods and the sea and musk somehow mixing together to make your head spin and nerves calm. It’s so comfortable. He’s so comfortable. The pleasant weight of his arm wrapping around you, resting on your hip to hold his book up in front of him, traps you in your limbo between dreams and reality. There’s even a perfect crook for your head that you’ve managed to find, a dip between his collarbone and pecs and your head fits in perfectly. Mingi is pleasantly squishy in a way that you can’t help but squeeze and smile. It’s your favorite part of him, how soft he is when he is with you.

“Oh yeah?” He cranes his neck forward to look at you as you chuckle to yourself. “What’s so funny?” You shake your head, “it’s not funny.” The heel of your palm presses into his hip bone as you bury your face in his side. “You’re just so poke-able.” “So I should lose weight?” Mingi closes his book and tries to sit up in bed, your arm weighing him down he lets you pin him back down. “Do. Not.” “Oh? Would you love me if I bulked up?” “Mingi. Please. I don’t want to change a thing.” He breaks from your grasp easily, sitting on the edge of his side of the bed, leaving you flat to the mattress and colder. “What if I want to change things?” You feel like you are hearing things, noting how he stresses ‘want’. “Do it for you then. Don’t do it for me.”

It’s an offhand comment meant to encourage him, free him from the expectations he might think you have. Instead he bristles, saying nothing. It hurts, not knowing how to go back to that blissful moment before.

“Did you have any other plans today?” Mingi tries to ask casually but the mood has shifted too much. “Not…really? Just wanted to enjoy some modern comforts with my friend!” Instead of upbeat you sound forced, perhaps putting too much emphasis on the end of the sentence, too hard of an exclamation point. His lips press to a thin line, “Mm‘kay. Cool.”

You roll your back to him and slide down into the covers, the silence only broken by Mingi’s soft footsteps away from the bed. If you knew better you’d have leapt out of the sheets and tackled him. You could almost see yourself doing just that, launching your entire body at him with reckless abandon.

You didn’t.

Instead you watched him as he curled forward over the bathroom sink, splashing water on his face before gripping the edges of the basin, head hanging as drops of water trailed off. For such a tall man he seemed so small. You wanted to apologize but, without knowing what exactly you’d be apologizing for, the motion felt hollow. Mingi padded back towards you, corners of his mouth slightly upturned into a tiny smile. With a groaned exhale he sat, his back to you on the bed, torso twisting to look at you. “Hungry?” “Yeah…” “Me too,” his hand slowly pet your shoulder, tracing small circles, tips of his fingers memorizing every beauty mark and vein. “You order whatever you want, just get me something tasty.”

Sitting up behind him you wrap your arms around his shoulders, nuzzling your nose into his neck. Your lips meet his skin at the junction between his jawline and bottom of his ear, his head tilting to expose more of his neck to you. The waning light hit his cheekbone perfectly as you press your lips all along the side of his neck, scooting yourself in closer, attempting to completely envelop him in your arms and legs. Ear to his back you listen to him breathing. “You’re like a cute little backpack on me.” His back rumbles your chest in a way that lets you know he’s smiling and it makes your heart sing in the most sickening, painful way. Sickening in hindsight more than in the moment.

The way he maneuvers the two of you deeper onto the bed is skillful, practiced. It’s artful in how he delicately strips both of you of your clothes. Bare to the world you lay there as he looks at you like he did the first night you’d been together, totally sober, totally comfortable.

“Mingi…” you coo. “Yeah?” Mingi rumbles back, still holding you in his gaze, as though time had stopped around you. “I’m cold.” “I can warm you up then.” All of a sudden his chest is pressed to yours like a large heavy blanket draping over you. Tucking your elbows in under him you made yourself as small as possible, connecting as much of your cool skin to his comparatively warm body. His kisses are small pecks, softly brushing his lips to yours, almost chaste if not for the lack of clothes and horizontal orientation.

“Mingi?” “Yeah…?” “We haven’t ordered food.” He blinks, worries crossing his face, propped on his elbows above you. “Do you not want to-” “No I do!” Shocked, your voice jumps two octaves. “I just-we should order before-if the delivery guy-” Mingi catches the words with his lips, quieting your stilted tongue. “I’ll cook something. Ramen?” He doesn’t wait for your response before kissing you again. “My princess went shopping?” You ask into his mouth. “Princess can’t survive on Heinikens and takeout.” Carefully he lays himself between your legs, aligning himself for you to grind on. “I’m actually a pretty good cook.” He cups your breast with one hand, letting his thumb gently play with your nipple. It’s enough to send your heartbeat south and empty your brain of any thoughts of food. “Mmkay,” you turn your head and nuzzle your cheek into the pillow. It smells like him, like the woods and the sea and musk. With a sigh and a smile you relax into the gentle roll of his hips and flick of his thumb. “Fuck.” ‘Mhmmm,” lips buzzing with a pleased hum, Mingi travels the well worn path from your lips to your neck to your collarbone to your sternum, joining his hand at your unoccupied breast. Tongue darting out to flick your nipple you squeal in delight, grinding yourself against him. He watches every reaction to his ministrations, the way his half open eyes drink you in is addicting, enough so that watching him won out against every other thought. Eye meeting your heart explodes with a shudder.

“My Mingi,” you call to him, your own voice ringing in your ears, tentative and small. Call it a momentary lapse in judgment or a hidden possessive streak. Either way Mingi didn’t seem to notice.

He trails down your naked body like it was his last meal, kissing, licking, nibbling, all while his hand seeks yours, intertwining against the sheets. Reaching your hips his mouth travels all over your inner thighs and lower belly, dancing around your slit, daring to go only close enough to feel the tense anticipation, to hear you huff and whine in disappointment as he moves away. The pin pricks of a smile tug at the corners of his mouth as your fingers tighten in his. “Shit.” He snaps you both out of the moment brutally. Forehead pressed to your knee, his hair drapes over his eyes, shielding his expression. “Condoms.” “I thought-” He slithers back up, “-I know. i’m sorry. I swear it wasn’t-” “No I-” Mingi immediately scoots his hips back and off of you the moment the word no trips off your tongue.

“Mingi. It’s fine. I liked it.” you mutter sheepishly. It takes him a second to register what you said, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy. Palm placed to his chest you push him him onto his back and straddle his hips. “As long as you’re okay with it,” you hover over him, hands creeping lower and lower over his v-line. From here you can see him clearly, hair splayed on the pillow, red blush creeping up his neck, adam's apple bobbing in his throat. “Yes please.” His lips part in a beautiful ‘O’ shape as you take him inch by inch to the hilt, grinding your hips in a circular motion on top of him. It's a treat to watch him battle to keep his gaze fixed on you, lids fluttering and eyes rolling to the back of his head. Where his vision lacks his hands search, wandering your thighs and ass, gripping and gliding until you quiet them, placing him at your waist. Holding tight you grind against each other slowly, letting your bodies slip and roll with the other. “One- one sec-” Mingi leans to his bedside and grabs the wand from the past summer. “Ladies first-” He places the white cap of the wand on your clit as it whirrs to life. Its effect is immediately apparent. Back arching your brace yourself on his thighs. “Ohhh shit-Mingi-mingi-MINGI-” you chant and bounce eagerly on his cock, walls clamping down around him. “Fuck-MINGI-”

Neither of you are cold anymore. Sweat accumulates and drips from your thighs to the bed sheets. Veins on Mingis forehead and forearms pulse as he snarls and groans, fighting to keep himself contained. “Cum for me, my queen.” Heat washes over you, blood rushing up to your face and then suddenly draining. Chest tight you lose all language. It is impossible to keep your own eyes open as you slip into semi-consciousness. “Ming-gi-” is all the warning you can muster. You cum violently on him. Juices absolutely flooding his abdomen. Unable to bend farther back, you snap forward and collapse forehead to forehead. All your muscles feel exhausted and loose as he wraps his arms around you holding you close. His hips snap up, fucking up into you with all his might. A final groan catches in his throat, cock buried deep in your cunt. Warm and full and happy; you swear you cum again just from the pulsing of his release. Blissfully you rest your head on his shoulder, almost in a frog pose on top of him. Your eyes closed, you can feel yourself drifting off. “Fuck.” You crack open an eye to see Mingi staring at the ceiling. “Fucking- fuuuuuuck-I-” he sighs dramatically. “I came inside. I’m so sorry. I will go to the drug store right now and get Plan B. I'm so sorry.” Shaken from your sky castle, you roll your eyes and dismount him for the bathroom. He follows you continuing to apologize. “I’m on birth control Mingi, it’s fine.” You smile, exhausted completely. His mouth moves without forming words, chewing on air searching for the way to say what he needs to say.

It was the first cold day in November when you decided you couldn’t do it anymore. Bundled in one of his oversize hoodies, freshly fucked and freshly washed with Mingi leaning over a warm stove. You considered how exactly you’d do it. You didn’t want to explain, you couldn’t really. It sounded psychotic as you mulled it over. “We can’t be together because I like you too much. We can’t be together because I want to be together forever. We can’t be together because for a second I thought it wouldn’t be so bad if we had a child by accident. We can’t be together because I feel spontaneous and stupid and reckless when I’m with you.” So you decided on a note. Not a text. A text you could torture yourself daily by looking at. Any time you’d open your phone you’d be at risk. It would have to be a note. That way only he would have it. That way it would be difficult for him to follow up. You even waited, one last sleep, one last rest. You hadn’t even gotten to the stage where you left a set of pjs at his place. It was easy to sneak out because in reality it was simply what it always was, leaving without a promise of returning. It was early morning when you took his yellow notepad and scrawled your final note.

“Let’s not meet anymore. Xx” NEXT (coming soon)