#why do ifucking care

[fxnkiero]

one more character development and my character will develop to a villain fr

[bra1nw0rmz]

Hello!! A question for you, not in a offensive light at all but I wanna ask why you like pavlevi so much and how come it doesn't make you uncomfortable with the age gap? We don't know pavs age which is fair enough but.. You get my point! I still love em tho. Maybe I'm a bit conflicted

I’m so sorry but you made a fatal mistake of giving me an opportunity to yap about them ( but thank you for being very nice abt the question, it means a lot :3 )

Slight rant under more… tried my hardest to keep it short but I have so much to say abt these fuckass losers 😔

For the reasons why I like Pavlevi so much. It’s because they are my two favourite characters, I need to psychoanalyse them and make them trauma bond or I’ll DIE.

Levi has the solitary soul, he’s been alone for most of his life. What he seriously needs is connection. And I think most of the cast just can’t fundamentally understand him. (I’m not sure if I’m being biased and self projecting here because of my experiences being autistic but yeah 😭) And I genuinely think most of that cast would look at Levi with pity. Almost as if he can’t think for himself. And I think Levi hates it. It’s really a hard feeling to pin down, but it feels weirdly dehumanising?? Like say Karin or smth would mean well but it still feels like you’re being hang up to dry? And I think Levi fucking hates it when everyone is looking at him like that. And the pity ppl have for him comes from a place of being so disconnected from him. Most of them can’t really understand him or what he’s gone through I suppose?? It’s not their faults, it’s just how it is. Society has literally thrown him to wolves. His government striped him of his autonomy, has used him for it’s benefit and now it’s people look at him like this couldn’t have been avoided, that it’s something so sad, to be pitied. Which is also why I love pavlevi bc Pav is the only person that Levi can truely connect with. Someone else who’s gone through the same bullshit, torn apart by the same world. They are both cut from the same stone, just at different stages and coping in different ways which I think is interesting. And it’s so sad because why the hell does it have to be some Bremen fuck that actually treats him like a person and not just something to pity.

As for Pav’s side of the coin. I just really like to torture him. Due to what he’s gone through and seen, being in the army around the same age as Levi, if not younger. I feel like he’d see Levi as being fit to make his own damn decisions. It’s none of Pav’s business, Levi can do whatever and he honestly does not give a shit. But as they get closer I feel like I think Levi brings out all the guilt and shame Pav bottled up and pushed far down in his psyche. Like… he’s had to kill so many just like Levi, all to even get a chance at killing Kaiser. All of it being a glorified elaborate destructive suicide mission. And he’s very fucked up about it. Dread sets in for Pav because??? He’s a terrible person??? He’s had to wear this mask for so long, he doesn’t even know who he really is. Levi is just troubled and has been put in one unfair situation after another. Pav couldn’t move forward and purposely put himself in those situations and did those fucked up things. I also think it’s interesting to think of them as like an intimacy of convenience. Bc they both know they have no future and might die at any second, but it’s better to hold someone’s hand than be alone when you die.

Other tidbits!!

They are fucking funny, like c’mon getting bossed around by the enemy, and a LIEUTENANT on top of that, is fucking hilarious

I feel like you got this from the rant b4 but the Angst potential is crazyyyyy

Pav teasing Levi and making him all flustered, HELLOO??? I love blushy levi

Pav traversing caring for someone else that isn’t himself bc he’s fundamentally a self serving person gggghhh

IFUCKING LOVE DOOMED RELATIONSHIPS RAHHHHHHHHHHH

The way their heavily different personalities clash would be fun

Having someone there who's gone through what you've suffered through is so comforting. you're not alone anymore….. IM SICK IN THE HEAD

I think Levi should be allowed to kiss boys as a treat

I also think he should be allowed to shoot Pav in the head as a treat

As for the age gap.. I don’t like it at all ofc. 😭😭 It’s definitely not ideal. And I can 100% understand how that can be a deal breaker….. but I also feel like people baby Levi too much? He has 1 breakdown because he just got back from war, is going through heroin withdrawals, everyone in his home town has been turned into violent monsters, he’s hearing voices and someone just tried to kill him and he gets labeled a wimp. You put a guy in the worst situation ever and he cries ONCE and ppl call him a crybaby and infantilise him 💀 He’s stronger than people give him credit for… but that’s more of a problem with fandom than anything.

Also like… I tried….. I really tried to not like pavlevi….. But I’m way too fucking autistic abt them. It’s so bad that when I see them I get an adrenaline rush and do laps around my kitchen. I’m so serious. These guys are like pseudo drugs to me, I need to chop my head off.

And ofc I wouldn’t support 18 and 30 smth irl, that’s fucking gross……… And I would say the same for a stalker and her victim.. because look, I love S4marina, but it’s basically in the same boat as Pavlevi to me..

This being a fandom that should primarily be adults, I feel like ppl should understand that. Yk, having better common sense and media literacy to understand this stuff ain’t okay irl. I still realise it’s not everyone’s thing and I’m not trying to convince ppl to like it, just explain why I like it (NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THEM LIKE I DO, I NEED TO DIE)…. Anyway uuhm I understand it makes some ppl uncomfy, which is valid! Just don’t go into spaces where you’ll be exposed to it ig??? If you seriously don’t like it, the block button/blocking tags is right there. I do that too !!

[carmen-del-mer]

Ifucked it up, I ruined everything, I’m the same stupid bitch that I’ve been in the last years, I don’t know what I’m doing my life is in ruins, I’m a dumb bitch who can’t shut the duck up and needs attention. I don’t want to be like this, I hate myself, all I am and all I’ll ever be is hatred. My life only consists of hate and it will never change no matter how hard I try. He thinks I’m dumb, annoying and a bad human being (it’s true though). I’m so embarrassed, I’m in such tremendous shame that k can’t even bear the thought of it. I don’t want to talk to him anymore I can’t look him kn the eyes. All I think of is shame.

I will tell you guys what has happened even though it hurts.

You know my way of coping with my suicidal thoughts, I say it in a humourius way, ppl think I make fun of it but it’s indeed a scream for help even though I don’t want help. Me and my classmates were doing these jokes and he heard them, we are also saying some mean things like that we are haters and stuff and tbh he seemed to be amused of it but today he came and told us yeah you should think about what you’re saying implying that it seems to people that we are bad people and triggering people. I completely miss interpreted his character. I thought he doesn’t care but he does. And the love and contentment he shares for his family is stronger than I believed. And I hate myself for thinking it would be different. I tried to make things right and I think it worked but then he made a speech of motivation for me but I think I told him a bit too much about myself I’m ashamed I’m a child in an adult body.

He will never see me with the same eyes, I’ll never see him the way it was before. Why do I always have to fuck things up? Am I really that dumb? Whatever I do I’ll eventually always end up in the same situation, year after another. And I’ll tell myself to just SHUT THE FUCK UP, but this bitch can’t but I have to and I will, I promise. I don’t care or at least I wish I don’t care. I’ll change my place I won’t sit in front row anymore it’s too embarrassing I can’t. I’ll shut myself off, isolate and eventually he will let go (at least I hope so) because this bitch it’s crazy he DOESNT FORGWT ANYTHING. Wtf is wrong with him

I don’t know what to do, I’m honestly clueless, for the first time in my life…

[lost-without-a-cause]

39

Why cant i do the things i want? I got no balls to put myself out there at all, it seems like i dont care but honestly its the only thing thats on my mind. Why cant i fucking find the courage to spit out the words of all my feelings. This self hatred is exceeding the acceptable boundaries. I find it astounding how much ifucking hate myself some times. I think the only way to unwind is through a blunt. But guess what, i smoke too much and my anxiety runs a fucking muck. I need to hit the mats. I feel its the only way i can truly relax. I need to smoke and roll, thats just seems like its my only vice. But the untold place of my true happiness lives through the touch of a woman. It seems like kind of an odd omen, cause i dont when and how to talk to em. When i think too much about it my anger boils up and theres no way around it. My dreams are foiled cause some how my subconscious is toiled in not letting myself find happiness. Its like i only seem to be comfortable when im stuck and smothered in some crappiness. But got damn its so hard to live with myself sometimes. Im emotionally worn out. All i can do is just cry

[fuckmessier16]

Okay, i can barely think now. Fuck anxiety.

I made that

I made that

What do i even want?

Fuck, this is so immature, im unable to deal with shit, i get uncomfortable and i dont know hoe tp act, ifucking dont know howbto act NORMAL, JUST LIKEBI WAS DOING until 3 days ago

I love him

Just be mature, be responsible With HIS FEELINGS TOo

Im feeling like i used to feel in the past, im feeling that........ Im so insecure with this, i wanna please but i dont really effort.

Okay

Fucking crisis

I wanna cry on bed and cut more

Lol

What the fuck

How this fucking happened so fast?

Jesus

Frog said

I DO LOVE YOU AND I DO WANNA BE WITH YOU, BUT NOT LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND

tTHIS IS NOT BAD, HE LOVES ME, WHY AM I AWKWARD? WHAT AM I INSECURE ABOUT? Damn

I would like to live with him, for real, to live years by his side so........ Fuck, the situation is so small.

But i need to take care of myself, BE BETTER RIGHT NOW and prove yourself you're able to deal with things and to be in a serious relationship, it's okay

I wanna cry

Prove yourself you're really better than that and dont hug this crisis, ok? Get better, you know how to do it, ok? You know

No self pity, no self harming, just be normal in your own pace, but focus on being normal please

[mycomori]

haven’t wanted to die this bad in a long time jjst daydreaming about getting hit by a car on the side of the road or falling and drowning in a lake like i hate my fucking brain and myself and i don’t know who i am i was so checked out this morning because i had another fight w my dad and everything is overwhelming me with feelings and now i’m in a situation o don’t know if i should be in and i don’t know what the fuck to do honestly it’s either i pay way more than i can afford and move into a house with best friends who are extreamly unreliable with money or i take my name off the lease last minute and basically say fuck you to my best friends while they’re having a tough time but at the same time this is already breaking me and i’m questions everything i don’t have the money to do allthis shit like cover my friend and she already owes me over $600...which eats at me and i beat myself up about even tho i know she needed the help i still blame myself for being stupid and so do my parents and trying to talk to them about it is always the same shit of “why don’t you tell us anything express your emotions stop keeping everything to yourself we want to help and listen!” and then when i do talk to them or express my emotions my dad is like wow uh fuck you for stressing me out with all your stupid bullshit you’re just making up worse to be dramaticeventho ifucking EXPLAINED to him multiple times how much morethis fucking is and he knows what’s going on w my friends rn w ch and her mom inthe hospital she’ll be homeless after she gets out and she doesn’t care she just wants to try and die again which i understand but also it’s killing ch and her little brother and with z and her mom she’s just the fucki g worst cunt ever and i hate that woman. i really don’t know what to do anymore and i don’t have anyone non bias i can talkto. i wanted to talk to mb but she’s w c rn sothats a no go. i really don’t know anymore. i really don’t. i just don’t wnat to do this anymore. i almost preferrotting alone in my room and the idea of smoking myself into oblivion than fucking continuing to try to live this fucking fucked the fuck up life

[lovelesstrainer]

All of them

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? uhhh no. messaged in general? sure 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? yeah3. Have you taken someones virginity? no..... ? 4. Is trust a big issue for you? yeha 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? nope 6. What are you excited for? fuckin iunno. 7. What happened tonight? I am sick and dying and almost finished rewatching Hemlock Grove 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? no i think its funny lmao 9. Is confidence cute? meh 10. What is the last beverage you had? uhhh tea i think 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? like 3 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? many 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? hopefully video games 14. What are you going to spend money on next? food prob tbh 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? pal the last person i kissed was sam. i gave her a lil head kiss. 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? sure 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Nick ez18. The last time you felt broken? fuckin last night or something. 19. Have you had sex today? nop20. Are you starting to realize anything? ifucking hate psych and wanna change my major lol 21. Are you in a good mood? eh 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? sure. eat me chop daddy- 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? idek 24. What do you want right this second? to get over my flu 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? w/e 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? LOL NO MY HAIR IS LIKE ROSE GOLD ATM27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? dont think so 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Swedish class 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? sure 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? depends 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? nah theyre aight32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? yea 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? nope 34. Listening to? uhhhhhhhhh Misery’s Crown by Dark Tranquility (10/10 recommend) 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? yeah always 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? yeah 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? nah 38. Who did you last call? uh grandma 39. Who was the last person you danced with? i dont dance so n/a 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? wakey wakey sammy i think41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? last year? 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? nope 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? always lol im a walking embarrassment 44. Do you tan in the nude? i dont tan 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? meh nah 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? yes and no . i said goodnight 47. Who was the last person to call you? uhhhh NIck I think? 48. Do you sing in the shower? nah 49. Do you dance in the car? y e s 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? mhm51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? grauation i think 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? yes but i love them 53. Is Christmas stressful? yes very 54. Ever eat a pierogi? mhm55. Favorite type of fruit pie? apple 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? mortician 57. Do you believe in ghosts? nah 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? mhm 59. Take a vitamin daily? nope, every now and then when i remember tho i take biotin suppliments 60. Wear slippers? nope 61. Wear a bath robe? nope 62. What do you wear to bed? tshirtand sweats 63. First concert? Hedley 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? walmart ig 65. Nike or Adidas? neither 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? both? 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? peanut 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? n/a 69. Ever take dance lessons? nope 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? nah 71. Can you curl your tongue? onope 72. Ever won a spelling bee? lol no 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? sure yeha 74. What is your favorite book? Necronomicon or Dracula 75. Do you study better with or without music? ieth 76. Regularly burn incense? sometimes 77. Ever been in love? mhm 78. Who would you like to see in concert? IN FLAMES SJDGLFSJHG79. What was the last concert you saw? Sabaton 80. Hot tea or cold tea? hot 81. Tea or coffee? tea82. Favorite type of cookie? white chocolate macadamia nut 83. Can you swim well? sure 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? mhm 85. Are you patient? meh depends on the situation, really 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? i dont care? 87. Ever won a contest? yeah - won a giveaway here in tumblr for a leauge skin 88. Ever have plastic surgery? nope 89. Which are better black or green olives? neither. im allergic to both 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? good? ok? no opinion? 91. Best room for a fireplace? living room? 92. Do you want to get married?  nah 

[bootlegmozart]

hesf ucking dead but why do i still care aobu thim lmao

ifucking hate this love shit. he’s dead

he’s been dead for months

theyr just stupid letters why am i bohtering reaidng them.

i alwys thingk that if i cared a little more he wouldn  beg oen and he promised he wouldnt die wihtout giving me ahug firs tand hes dead nd i cant marry him anymroe and m yplans are all ruined and im enver gona find someone lik ehim again.’

he was so wonderufl and good at evrything and i love him so much and i fukcing let him die and he’s gone forever.

why did yhou love me so much? wtf jake. its so rhad being happy for you but i cnadt be happy i can tdo anyting right im tsill alive becaus ui promised you and jacie and jaacie’s gonna die and gabby sgonna die and idont want nayone else to die i dont��� want my friends to die.

ifhtey die iw ill too.