#why do i love dean so much and yet hate so many things he does. like I wanna go and shake that man up and down like a maraca

[wellofdean]

Sorry ,for me personally, it has to be out loud acknowledge to even remotely make up for how badly they treated fans over the years, the out loud queerbaiting in one breath and mocking in the next. The in text gay jokes, sexism and homophobia. The digs at their own fans.

They want the credit without having to do it. Again. They want the pat on the back they need to earn it this time.

Years of baiting for views and profit needs a payoff imo. Sorry people downplaying how important the canonization of this ship in particular is just hurts to see over and over. Stop letting them off the hook please. You deserve more. We all do.

It’s important. It does matter.

The cas/destiel hope baiting continued with the Winchesters and that’s why I’m at a put up or shut up moment with Jensen and the writers. He and Danneel kept the hype up every week that the show was airing all the while knowing cas doesn’t even get a name drop. He’s not even hinted at. Mary/john paralleled destiel so many times yet refused to call it want it was.

They could have shut it down week one, they interacted on tweeter a lot during airing and knew what fans thought there was going to be an acknowledgment or hint that never happened. They are smart people, they saw the speculation and hype but didn’t step in with a gentle ‘sorry guys this is about the new crew’ they fanned the hope instead with ‘something big happens’ that was just dean meeting the new team.

Loved the Winchesters as a show, sad it got dropped cause I loved the new cast so much. That said the baiting hurt and wasn’t necessary, the show was good.

Everyone is looking back with rose colored glasses and rewriting history. But things were ugly with the spn team/cast/writers at times. The homophobia was pretty out loud in a way it was allowed to be in the early 00s. They’ve grown and that’s wonderful but it still happened.

They need to earn the praise they want imo. No hate! Glad you are happy! just feels a little unfair to say we should all let them off the hook again and be happy with nothing while praising the benevolent straights. Just my two cents 😅💚💙

I want to answer this sympathetically, because I know it's disappointing that no one has been willing to just say "Dean and Cas are gay for each other" out loud, and I don't think there are many people in this fandom who picked up what the narrative was putting down, and were not disappointed in the finale for LOADS of reasons, only one of them being that Dean never had the chance to acknowledge what Cas said to him. I understand your feelings, my anonymous friend, I really do. I too found the end of Supernatural deeply frustrating, because they managed to erase the meaningful journeys of every single character, not just Dean, though what they did with Dean was the worst. I completely understand wanting them to JUST FUCKING SAY IT. I do. I get you. I simply do not agree.

My argument, which I have made many, many times, is that what you want is THERE in the narrative. They made Cas Dean's ride or die, they made it obvious that Dean can't carry on without Cas -- that the loss of Cas means Dean loses his will to live. That was explicit. They made it clear that more than anyone else, EVEN Sam, Cas is essential to him. They structured the narrative around Dean and Cas's emotional beats. They let Cas say the obvious thing out loud, and then showed us Dean behaving exactly as Dean would in a situation like that -- in the midst of his existential crisis about who he is and whether he has ever had free will, and with the world falling around them -- they showed us Dean unable to speak, unable to respond but overwhelmed with emotion. Like, remember that when Mary died when Dean was four, he was unable to speak? Is it really so hard to imagine that he loves Cas with all his heart? To read love in Dean's watery eyes, and the way he chokes down his heart and begs Cas not to do this? Not to being saying goodbye? I mean... I CAN DO THAT MATH. Literally everything about the story supports it. IT IS THERE.

Fandom always argues: if Cas were a woman, we wouldn't have any questions, so what I am just wondering is, why do we have questions again? Is it because we (homophobically) can't just see it for what it is because it's gay? Because, when it's gay we lose our ability to interpret narrative, and we need to be told, like we are 5 years old, what's happening in a perfectly obvious story? Or, is it a skill issue? Is it because we need the creators of the story to affirm our interpretation? We need the actors to just TELL US what they meant when they did that thing with their faces? Do we need their permission to understand it for what it is?

I've said many times that calling what happened on Supernatural 'queerbaiting' because no one ever made out or fucked on the maps table is really offensive to me actually. Don't you know that there are queer people in this world who never get to live their truths? Who just ache and yearn and want, and never get to have? Like, that there are in fact queer people who are afraid to say what they feel, or who don't understand or embrace who they really are and what they really need until it's too late? Are those not QUEER EXPERIENCES? I love Dean and I love that story because it's queer as hell and it makes ME feel seen, because I am like him! I am a queer person of his age who didn't ask myself those questions seriously enough in time! My own queerness is very fucking real, and it is UNLIVED. That HAPPENS to actual queer humans, and like, it's not queerbaiting when it's just queer, but didn't tell you the queer story YOU wanted it to tell. You saw years of tease? I saw years of choices, and love, and accretion of deep wells of emotion. I saw a clear romance, and a character becoming. It was a story I needed, AS A QUEER PERSON.

And the Winchesters was just joyful if you went in with that understanding of the previous story. It was like getting an A+ in Supernatural week after week from Dean himself. I can accept that the stars didn't align for Cas/Misha to come back in the first season, accept that if he were coming back, it needed to be more than a cameo to make it right, and that it didn't work out. I am so sad it was cancelled, but I can accept that it was leading someplace it didn't get to go. That's not queerbaiting, either! It's telling a story that was aborted, and I think if you don't see that, then that is DEFINITELY a skill issue.

I'm not looking back with rose coloured glasses; Supernatural is fresh in my mind. I watched it again without the internal pressure of expectations that aren't going to be met, and let it tell me what it was really doing all along. I am happy. It's a really compelling, deeply romantic, deeply queer story. I don't need permission from anyone involved to think that, and I don't need it explained to me. I understand wanting it to just be fully explicit, but I would not trade the story it did tell for a simpler, less engaging one, that asked less of me. I love it very much AS IT IS.

And, please: point me to this fabled abuse of fans. I have never really seen an example of it that is not easily debunked with a little bit of context.

[scoobydoodean]

Looking at your recent posts/reblogs has reminded me of how much I hate the conversation between Dean and Bobby at the beginning of 4.22 when Dean is trying to deal with the fact that Sam has chosen to trust Ruby instead of him, when Dean can see that he’s obviously being manipulated, and, in response, Bobby just says

You stupid, stupid son of a bitch! Well, boo hoo, I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good?! Bake you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!

and I feel like that line just summarizes how so many people view Dean both in the show & in discourse about it: that whenever he’s upset by something someone does, he’s being overdramatic, and the tension it creates is his fault for not just accepting that his loved ones will make him miserable.

(& the context of the quote is kind of the perfect example of this because Dean has spent the whole season trying to deal with his own trauma from hell & the fact that the angels won’t leave him alone while also continually giving Sam chances to be upfront about what’s going on with him and trying to warn him that Ruby is manipulating him into doing what she wants, and when that tension finally breaks because Sam refuses to believe—or even consider—any of Dean’s suspicions about Ruby, Dean is basically told by Bobby that he should just let it go)

I agree with you—and that speech is absolute trash.

To frame Bobby's reaction here a little, he and Dean have some conversations in 4.21 and 4.22 that I think leave Bobby pretty unsettled. I think his emotional reaction is driven by that.

In 4.21, Dean and Bobby don't see things the same way when it comes to Sam's demon blood detox and they also disagree on Dean intending to sacrifice himself by signing himself over to the angels to protect Sam. So I'd say leading into 4.22, Bobby is already apprehensive about Sam and Dean both being killed. We know he didn't weather Dean's death at the end of season 3 well.

In 4.22, right before Bobby blows up at him, Dean is also jumping to some conclusions about his relationship with Sam that are pretty extreme.

DEAN No, damnit! No. I gotta face the facts. Sam never wanted part of this family. He hated this life growing up. Ran away to Stanford first chance he got. Now it's like déjà vu all over again. Well, I am sick and tired of chasing him. Screw him, he can do what he wants. BOBBY You don't mean that. DEAN Yes I do, Bobby. Sam's gone. He's gone. I'm not even sure if he's still my brother anymore. If he ever was.

I think Dean having to work through thoughts like this is understandable given probably less than 24 hours ago, Sam was strangling him unconscious in absolutely seething rage, had spent the entirety of the season lying to Dean and then getting indignant when Dean caught on, and reiterated the incredibly damaging things he said about Dean's hell trauma from 4.14. At the same time, I don't think Dean's thinking straight. Sam's motivations in the demon blood arc are incredibly multi-faceted... but hating hunting or their family simply is not part of this situation. This is made most clear to us just a couple episodes before in 4.19 (where Sam tries to push Adam into hunting and praises their father for teaching them to protect themselves—and this certainly didn't go unnoticed by Dean who confronted him about it). The bit about not wanting to hunt hasn't been true in years and won't resurface again for several more. It seems like Dean is just swirling through a lot of unaddressed hurt and misunderstandings from the past as he processes through the last year.

I think Dean saying he is done trying and he has tried and tried and tried and he is not doing it anymore is completely reasonable (he also has no idea yet that Lilith is the last seal), but I think when presented with the harm Bobby knows Sam is doing to his body by proceeding, thinking about "his boys", Bobby sees Sam as being in more imminent danger and wants Dean to reach out one last time to try and get through to him. Dean's rare show of verbal processing sets Bobby on edge and because he's human too, he says some stupid things. And if we're being real, Bobby is like this sometimes. I love Bobby to death, and in a general sense, I think he's very caring and supportive toward the people he loves. But when he himself is scared or angry or otherwise agitated, his patience evaporates and other people's vulnerability makes him upset. "The Curious Case of Dean Winchester" is a more sympathetic example of this. Bobby is angry and raw and deeply depressed, and Dean's well-meaning love and support—no matter how casually offered—is received like poison because it reminds him that he is not okay. The same sort of language about Dean being a pansy and how they're both going to "grow lady parts" shows up from Bobby in this episode.

I go back and forth on what Kripke was thinking when he wrote that dialogue, because the man is absolutely obsessed with the exploration of "toxic masculinity", which I think he's done well at times and extremely poorly at others, and I think Bobby's speech clearly embodies that interest. At the same time, I actually do think that, leading into season 5, there are some aspects to the fallout of Sam and Dean's season 4 conflict that are ultimately just very lazily brushed over and so I do think he bought the shit he had Bobby shoveling to an extent. Setting the content and tone aside, in a vacuum, the idea that Dean has to be the one to reach out—while exhausting—plays into the idea of Dean as the hero character. And when I say this, I don't mean that Sam isn't a hero. Sam is VERY much trying to be the unconventional hero this season. But Dean is often made to embody the concept of the righteous hero as an ideal, and part of being the righteous hero in season 4 means ultimately being... right (in more ways than you even knew) but another part of it is having to be the bigger person. Your wrath has to be tempered by love. We could go further down this rabbithole as far as themes and meta narrative, but none of this, from a human perspective, makes me like this speech any more. It just sucks balls.

[stellaluna33]

What do you make of that car scene where Rory is ranting about Jess and how she "doesn't like the things she does" with him? I was always confused by it because what things? Going to a party and making out on a stranger's bed? Going to a concert without telling your mom? Because those things are very tame compared to what she later did with Dean and Logan, yet we don't get such a scene with them even though it would have been so much more fitting. Jess antis point out this scene to show how the relationship was toxic but I don't see it, it just seems like the show is telling us one thing but showing something completely different. Yet on my new Rory poll, so many people reblogged and commented that they started disliking her when she fell for Logan and saying that was the moment her character went downhill! Not Jess. Do you think the writers originally planned for Jess to be the big mistake Rory makes, but then decided to add Logan as an afterthought in her college years because they didn't know what other storylines to give her? But even so, Jess and Rory didn't get nearly enough scenes exploring their relationship before Rory suddenly crying that she doesn't like who she became around Jess, and we don't see her acting out of character around him ever, so it all just falls flat.

Yeah, I don't know, honestly. My best guess has always been that she was expressing frustration with the way she tended to be too timid to confront Jess about the things that bothered her, which actually IS something that was a frustrating change from their PRE-dating relationship to their DATING relationship. Rory used to feel comfortable telling Jess when she was unhappy with what he was doing (and he tended to respond well, even! That's part of how they grew closer!). But, for some reason, when they started dating, she started feeling afraid to bring things up. She left him that impulsive, angry answering machine message, yes... But then when he showed up, she chickened out and asked him to delete it without listening to it (who knows if he actually did, haha!) and I think THAT'S what she hated herself for (not going to the concert)- that she felt afraid to rock the boat. And then after the disastrous party, there's that whole sequence where she wants to approach the diner to talk to Jess, but then chickens out (and Jess does the same). For whatever reason, she was afraid to tell him how she felt, and he wouldn't tell her how HE was feeling either!

That's something that actually really frustrates ME about their dating relationship too, so it's interesting to think about the possibility that Rory was ALSO aware that she was doing that, and was frustrated by it, but maybe couldn't understand why she was acting that way. I don't necessarily think that means that it was Jess's FAULT either, but it was something that was broken in their relationship.

I don't know if the writers intended to make any comparisons to OTHER relationships there, either? It might have just been about them. Milo was leaving, so Jess had to leave, so the relationship had to be sunk, I don't know. But it is interesting that Rory does ALSO compromise herself for the other guys- and in larger and more catastrophic ways- and yet she didn't seem to see it that way with them (maybe her rueful "despite all the bad he's done, I'm in love with him" is a similar sentiment?). I really don't know. Maybe the other guys were just more likely to talk her round to a particular point of view, which made it easier for her to rationalize it with "It made sense at the time" afterwards. Kind of ironic.

[sparklychaosandotherthings]

Headcanons for Sam Winchester that are true because I say so;

As promised from my poll! (Sorry for the delay; organic chemistry is a BITCH.)

- he does literally NOTHING with his hair, EVER. He barely brushes it, doesn’t use conditioner, and forget to cut it; and yet it looks amazing everyday. Sam is the very definition of “I woke up like this.” (Yes, it drives Dean so far up the wall as he takes a minimum of an hour and a half to get ready)

- he always thinks girls don’t like him, but really; it’s cause he can’t tell when a girl is approaching him and blatantly flirting. (“She seemed really nice!”😁 Dean: 😑)

- before he started hunting with his brother; he was always known as the most positive, upbeat, spunky, innocent person any of his friends knew. But a lots changed since then….

- he likes movies and tv shows; but he doesn’t actually ever watch them. Half the stuff Dean quotes he HAS actually seen, but he always falls asleep or gets distracted and doesn’t remember.

- he’s allergic to sooooooooo many things. So many things. Not really food tho, mainly just the outside. He goes thru about 4 pill packs of allergy meds a week. (He used to only need 1 pack of prescription allergy meds, but since they’ve been on the road he can never get it refilled, let alone renewed.)

- the reason why Sam knows so much about fairy tales; (and Dean doesn’t even remember this) is because whenever Sam couldn’t get to sleep as a kid, Dean would read him whatever fairytale kids - book he could snag from whatever public library they were near at the time.

- the worlds worst dancer, both Winchester brothers are, but Sam is the worse of the two. It’s because Dean at least owns the moves, Sam just looks like he has to poop….

- his left ear IS pierced. It was a dare from his friends in college, he doesn’t wear it around Dean cause he would never hear the end of it…. (But he just couldn’t bear to let the piercing close up/heal, he secretly thinks it’s so cool)

- CAFFEINE ADDICT. The man cannot do anything without his coffee, tea, soda, if it’s caffeinated, he’s drinkin it. (As a consequence of this; he LOVES Starbucks. pumpkin spice lattes + 4 expresso shots = happy sam)

- he’s SUCH a light sleeper. And Dean is a SNORER. It’s a nightmare. (And not the prophetic traumatic kind)

- he kinda hates driving. He doesn’t really mind in the impala cause he’s used to it, but he only really volunteers to drive now when he knows Dean needs rest. He thinks driving is boring and he always has to force his eyes to stay on the road ahead.

- he thinks Dean is the funniest person alive. He laughs on the inside at all of his brothers jokes. (He wouldn’t admit that even on his deathbed, demons couldn’t torture that info out of him)

- kids kinda make him nervous. His regular charm doesn’t really work on kids, they’re always unpredictable, and they’re so fragile. He of course is always kind to them, but he’s not really comfortable with them.

- he was obsessed with dinosaurs as a child; one of his secret greatest wishes’, is to have a case somehow involve dinosaurs. Dinosaur ghosts.

- he has a pretty heavy southern accent like Dean, but in law school, people didn’t take him seriously tho, so he practiced for 4 months to drop the accent. (He slips sometimes when he gets really mad or excited)

I threw in a few more Headcanons then I normally would cause I felt bad for making y’all wait so long!!! 💜

[michelleelizabethtanner]

Do you think Beth really believed Rio was coming after them after the truck thing in 1.09? I always just assumed she was jumping to conclusions and was so far out of her depth ("He looked at me funny"), but was there something else to it? Did she really want to take him down deep down?

Hi Anon! Thank you for the ask! Idk if I have a super good answer though. I’ve always considered this scene more based on the mistakes Rio made in underestimating Beth’s reaction. IDK why I haven’t thought more in-depth about why she behaved the way she did.

Unless I’m misremembering, everything in that episode showed her anger, and none of her actions around Rio signified fear. I don’t think she was even jumping to conclusions about what he might do to them. I think she was just mad. Yet another man putting her in her place, taking away her power and her financial “security” because he decided her life for her. So she retaliated. Her “we’re good people” excuse was just a cover to get her girls on board. It’s the line she uses all the time to manipulate people (including Rio.) “I’m a good person. I’m a mother. I eat at P. F. Chang’s.”

The fact that this woman can never think through the consequences of her choices surrounding Rio truly astounds me. She cannot be so stupid to blindly lash out and expect nothing to happen to her. I’ve been kind of thinking about this irritating aspect of her behavior. The ways in which she hurts Rio over and over, even once she sees the actual hurt on him, she doesn’t stop. Contrast that with how she enables Dean over and over, who has a proven track record of lying to her and actively harming her. So it makes so little sense why she would lash out, even contrary to her own wellbeing, in this particular situation. She couldn’t have expected that he would be imprisoned forever just because she gave up some laundering details. So what then? Was it a cry for his attention? A cry to be seen? It’s gotta be. Her nihilistic tendencies come through so strong around Rio. He brings it out in her. So it’s like she doesn’t even care what happens to her, as long as he keeps looking at her, as long as she’s feeling that power he makes her feel.

Which brings us back to what was so polarizing about Beth to so many viewers — she’s selfish af. She doesn’t want to be. She’s torn. She keeps thinking if she just does one more shitty thing to Rio, she will prove her goodness to the universe. Prove that she’s worthy of having a husband who’s faithful, and children who don’t struggle with emotional disorders, and friends who choose her even over their own husbands. This woman has been abandoned and scarred so deeply in her formative years that she’s absolutely desperate to matter and to be chosen. (Kinda like someone else we know.) But Rio seems to be her one “safe space” to be herself. “Just being myself.” And while that may sound romantic (and it IS), it’s also toxic af because for her to be “herself” she has to all the time behave abusively (ugh, I hate that word because it isn’t quite accurate to their dynamic but idk what other thing to call it… maybe retaliatory?) toward Rio. He feeds the monster that she hides from others. He isn’t a “good person” so it’s fine for her to take her trauma out on him. And he keeps coming back for more. And he keeps wanting her despite it. It’s that good old cycle of abuse, continually perpetuated. They find so much warped validation in each other they can’t quit.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent. Sorry about that! These asks are so helpful in getting me back into a Brio state of mind. Reminds me how I love analyzing them. 😊 Makes me wanna not work and write Brio stories (that I’ve been stagnant on for like 2 months now 😩)

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Thai QL Favorites Tag game

Aw, @plantsarepeopletoo, I think you are the first person to tag me on here, thanks for that! Also, I adore your name.

Favorites are a tricky thing for me, I tend to love a lot of things, and am not big into ranking...so these answers might change depending on the day.

Favorite Thai QL: Until We Meet Again was one of the first I watched, and it hit me deeply. There is something about the beginning with Dean & Pharm, and how they know they’re connected, but unsure why. Total chills. I know some people find it slow, but I never felt like that. Just really good storytelling. And I also have to say Not Me. It’s just so unique in terms of BL. I love a good secret twin story, but also the incredible acting and social commentary really took a hold of my heart.

Favorite Pairing: I’m someone who doesn’t really like fanservice or people being trapped into one pairing (I love First & Khaotung together, but they have too much charisma with literally everyone to be permanently a pair). That being said, gotta give it to MaxTul. And I am a little bummed we won’t get just one more series from them.

Most underrated actor: Ooh, this is a tough one. I can’t think of anyone I feel is really underrated, but I do wish actors were given more of a chance to break free of some of their typecast roles. I feel like some of them are underestimated in what they could do if offered the right material. Like everyone knows Fluke Natouch and Earth Katsamonnat are incredible actors, but I’d love to see them do something where they get to play more confident and assertive, not to mention morally dubious. In real life Earth is always looking so fierce! I want him to be sassy and fashionable in a show.

Favorite Character: Yok, from Not Me. I can’t explain fully why, just love that man so damn much.

Favorite Side Character: Nam, Chon’s mom from Tonhon Chontalee. I didn’t really like the show, but I love and her fire so much. May we all have someone in our lives who would love us and fight for us so fiercely.

Favorite scene in a QL: Oof...there are so many good ones! The Pride flag scene in Not Me is an amazing one. I like the rooftop scenes in both Bad Buddy & Why R U. I’m sure I could come up with more, but we’ll stick with that for now.

Favorite line in a QL: I’m terrible at remembering to write down lines I enjoy. I’ll add if I think of one later!

Most Anticipated QL (& why): I really like Perth Tanapon, so I’m interested to see what he does with Dangerous Romance. Honestly, I’m just happy we’re starting to see more BLs that are playing around with genres like historical or thriller. Give us all the types of BL!

Healthiest relationship in a QL: This is tricky, because of how many couples have that random miscommunication that should be solved in 5 minutes, but has to take that extra episode. Maybe Le Jian and Amber from DNA Says Love You? I don’t remember perfectly, but they were very sweet. Also, I think I gotta say Phayu & Rain from LITA are pretty strong. I know not everyone vibes with their dynamic, but they’re both good at understanding what the other needs from them.

Most toxic relationship in a QL: Oh, that one from Love by Chance, with Techno...and that other guy I can’t remember. Gross & creepy.

Guilty pleasure series: The first half of Love in the Air, and History 1: Obsessed. Obsessed has so many tropes I should hate, but it somehow works in a “I know how this is supposed to go in another universe and I’m losing my mind here because I know I got you killed with my stupidity” kind of way.

Most Underrated Series: I think I have to go with Ghost Host, Ghost House. I almost never see people mention it, but I flipping adored it. 

Apologies that I have no idea who hasn’t done this yet... but if you want to jump on, consider yourself tagged!

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 225

Inside Man/Kill the Moon

“Inside Man”

Plot Description: Sam and Castiel set out on a mission to find a cure for the Mark of Cain, and Crowley’s relationship with Rowena is put to the rest

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: No one died

Goddammit, let Bobby rest!! He earned that

(Cut to 24 hours earlier)

It’s a good thing the brothers know each other like that because Sam wanting to go off to some other city to see a foreign film on their off day is not convincing me as the viewer. How that convinced Dean, I don’t know

If we want to get…….oh. It wasn’t “if we want to get rid of the Mark, we have to get rid of Dean” it’s “it’s we have to get back in cahoots with Metatron”

Crowley, can you KNOCK?!

She looks stunning in purple…the costumers have been so wonderful to me

She’s got herself a lil boy toy…maybe. Or she made up a boy toy to cover up her real motives, which is even funnier

Cas isn’t allowed in heaven?!

🥹Hannah🥹 it does make me sad to see them opposing each other though

How do you break Metatron out of jail……….oh. That’s why they need Bobby, I bet

“You can be damned AND a conscientious worker” man, you don’t HAVE to be though

How does Dean have that many people in his phone? No offense, man

Sam’s :/ yet undeterred face when faced with a billion “No trespassing” and “keep out” signs

I love sasstiel. “And you’re….what ARE you?” “…I’m an angel” “that…no you can’t be” “why not?”

This psychic calling Metatron a creepy hobbit lookin fellow. It honestly made me laugh out loud in the break room

Dean…now you’re just being mean. There’s hustling someone at pool and then there’s taking that kid’s watch that his dad gave him. Yeah he’s an asshole college kid, but damn

There is no rest for Bobby…

She dressed up so nicely to go try to kill Dean, and she’s so unrepentantly evil. Fuck, I love her so much.

Ewwww…the structure of heaven is really…terrible. It’s all sterile hallways with alphabetized rooms where every individual person gets their version of heaven. It’s not what it should be

GIRLIE!!! You literally cut yourself up and blamed Dean to get Crowley to turn on him. And I love how she absolutely cuts Crowley to the core with her words

Omg a revolt of all the Robert and Roberto and Roberta Singers that Bobby broke out of their respective heavens

That was such a funny action movie sequence. Cas jumping into the portal to heaven and sliding through the door

“Dean has given up” “And you idjits haven’t.” “Would you?” “Hell no” Cas and Bobby deserved more screen time together

God, this sit down talk between Dean and Crowley…they ARE friends. They’re somehow still friends

I hate Metatron as much as the next guy (and the next guys have called him a creepy hobbit and a fraggle, so…) but him calling Cas Asstiel will never not be funny

YES, CAS! “You’re gonna be MY punching bag”

I promise I still hate him but he gets so many funny lines. How much time did he spend thinking about

I am…so damn impressed with Sam and Cas’s plan. They just STOLE METATRON’S GRACE AND THEN SAM SHOT HIM IN THE LEG just to get the leverage they need

I want her to burn it all down. I appreciate that Crowley is choosing himself, and it’s great for him…but I want her to go ballistic, just completely of the deep end with rage. I need it like air

I’m not lying when I say that Bobby telling Sam in a letter that he’s a good man, one of the best, and he’s damn proud of him is making me tear up. With all the doubts that Sam’s had that he’s a good person, that he’s not just cursed…

“Kill the Moon”

Plot Description: The Doctor and Clara crash land on the Moon to find a world of horror

This…only takes place 26 years from RIGHT NOW. 2014 was such an optimistic time. Y’all really thought we’d be going to the moon again? I wish I could believe that. PEOPLE? On the MOON?!

Please tell me that the astronaut that was in the cold open with Clara is a future Courtney Woods! (I love that she’s back in the post opening credits scene, so THAT is what I’m holding out hope for)

Oh…not future Courtney…present Courtney is on the moon

“One small thing for a thing. One enormous thing for a thingything” honestly, I’m not mad at her. First girl on the moon and those are her first words on the surface? Love it for her

The shuttle says United States, WHY does everyone still have an accent from across the pond? The TARDIS doesn’t need to translate it. They’re all speaking English

WHY ARE THERE SPIDERWEBS IN THE ABANDONED SHELTER?!?! WHO BROUGHT SPIDERS TO THE MOON????

Nooooooooo. No I don’t like whatever’s living here

THAT IS A HUGE AND GROSS SPIDER. This is also the worst soundscape I’ve ever experienced. It’s the amplified sound of weird skittering and then IT ECHOES BECAUSE WHY NOT

Courtney Woods 2024. I don’t care that she’s not American, in the face of great danger (a giant spider) she was cool calm collected enough to do what needed to be done (all purpose cleaner it to death. Kills 99.9% of all germs. I guess huge spiders count, too)

THAT WAS A MOON GERM?!?! No. I refuse to accept it. Why? I hate it

I also don’t like knowing what the twist is. I know I’ve said it before but so much of the Moffat era is depends on not knowing the twist

Courtney is an ICON. She retches in the TARDIS, which sends her a little off the rails because the Doctor then tells her she’s not special, so Clara tries to get the Doctor to just take that statement back, but that’s not good enough for him, he needs to make the statement untrue, she has to be special now, so he takes her to the FREAKING MOON where she becomes a sort of hero because no one knew how to kill the giant spider looking germs, and the second she’s sent to the TARDIS for her own safety, what does she do? POST PICTURES OF HER TRIP TO TUMBLR

I need to know…ok, the actress playing the astronaut was 47 when this was filmed. If we take that age and make it her character’s age in this episode, that means this character is 47 in 2049. She is 21 today. She was 12 when this episode aired…do not come into my hellsite and tell me “my granny used to post things on tumblr” Your granny MAY very well be here for all I know, but don’t pretend you weren’t, too. YOU ARE NOT THAT FAR IN THE FUTURE. You signed up on your 13th birthday in 2015. I cannot let this go. “Courtney’s posting stuff to tumblr, doesn’t that know where you are?” “I don’t know, I’m not a historian” BITCH. WHAT. STOP THIS BLASPHEMY RIGHT NOW

Oof, now we’ve entered the part of the episode that’s gonna make me mad but not in a fun way.

The optimism that we could have a female president by the time 2049 rolls around…..

You can’t expect someone with an amount of Time Lord DNA to go kill hitler if they were in 1930s Germany?? Really??? Have you forgotten your wife so soon?

So they’re letting Earth democratically vote whether or not to blow up the moon, which is an egg, by whether or not they turn out their lights. Lights out on earth means lights out for the moon. It’s not even a close vote (but I’ve now had the ending spoiled for me and I’m not happy about it)

And then Clara decides on her own that ALL OF EARTH’s decision wasn’t as important as her own feelings on the matter. And to make matters worse, she gets justified in her actions by the narrative because everything worked out anyway no harm done

Is that really what we should be doing though? I’m not saying checking out our own space neighborhood wouldn’t be interesting but every time in this rewatch when they mention some human colony out in space somewhere…like, SHOULD WE BE COLONIZING SPACE THOUGH?! And it’s gonna last FOREVER?!

Wait. Pausing how much this episode makes me mad to say Courtney ACTUALLY becomes president of the United States?!

Ok but honestly, how much DID the Doctor know? Because if he knew that it would all work out and how humanity starts to travel to the stars because of this day and didn’t let them make an INFORMED DECISION, that’s…I can understand why Clara is so upset with him right now. She took the fate of humanity in her own hands and didn’t know how it would shake out, but the Doctor might have and he just fucking vanished. She has every right to be furious with him

She will never look at the moon the same way again

[superwholockednico]

Season 7 is currently Samgirl-ifying me. (And why Sam believing he's inherently a 'freak' is so tragic.)

Idk what it is about this show that makes me keep switching which brother I like more/find more tolerable/think is morally superior. (Actually, I think the answer is that it switches between which character/character's storyline is the focus. At the start of the show, it felt like it was often Sam's pov plus he wasn't fully in the hunter life and hence acted nicer/kinder which made me agree with him more morally despite simultaneously simping for dean. Then again with the demon's blood arch, I was like sam is being mistreated why is dean acting like he's so inherently evil. Now with the lucifer in sam/fall out of that situation I'm once again like, Sam is in the right and I feel really bad that he keeps getting treated like he's inherently messed up to the point he's internalized it. Plus he gets shit for really normal healthy things like going for fricking run)

Long post so summary: I find Sam's recurring theme of being seen as inherently different or a freak (compared to Dean feeling like he won't fit in or can't live a normal life because of his lifestyle or choices) to be compelling. First, we see it in the demon blood arch where his own father tells his brother that he might have to kill him because he's born wrong and has an evil within him. Now it comes back with his Lucifer-induced mental breakdown/psychosis and how Dean constantly treats him like he's doomed because of it and isn't willing to believe he can change ('the other shoe always drops').

Because of this, he has a really interesting episode [The Girl Next Door] with the Kitsune girl from his childhood (Amy Pond. nice name choice) where it focuses on his feelings of being a "freak" and outsider and how that leads him to be compassionate towards her. Which uh... ends up not working since dean goddamn goes and kills her in front of her son afterward in a move that was totally fucked up and should have ended up with him at the very least admitting he was wrong for it.

I'm on s7e9 now, but from that moment on, Sam's stayed the more emotionally mature one (let's be real, he usually is tbh), from trying to initiate much-needed conversations between him and Dean (multiple times!) to making a pretty good lawyer for Dean and trying to convince him to not feel guilty.

(he also takes care of his health –eats healthier, goes on runs goes camping– which I find very likeable tbh)

I started feeling for him because of the Lucifer situation, which was probably the most horrifying/scary thing I've seen on the show yet from a psychological standpoint. The idea that you don't know if literally anything around you is real or if it's your torturer (or abuser if we/I project it on a real-world situation) tricking you into thinking it's real just to tear it apart is... really scary.

(also ignore sam sorta looking like hes smiling in the pic the screenshot ended up like that but could be bothered to retake cus most of it was blurry)

Side note: I also really felt for Dean in the scene where he came back to Bobby's house to find it burnt down. Like the feeling of hopelessness resonated with a past me. (Dean's feelings of being unfixable or unredeemable definitely contribute to me wanting to see him become a better person and become happy. but hey I know the show's ending so 🙃)

Back to the Kitsune episode. (wrote a lot up there so pics)

What's so sad about the scene with Dean and him there is:

He really isn't a freak. Anyone would be messed up if they were stuck in a cage in the worst part of hell with two extremely powerful angels, one of which is Lucifer. None of that is his fault, and if anything, he's handling it really well. He's still trying to save people despite everything, what else could you expect of someone.

After Sam compares himself to Amy, after he tells him he's managing so so is may... Dean goes and kills Amy. After Sam tells him, I'm just like her... Dean kills her. THAT'S LIKE DEAN TELLING HIM HE CAN'T CHANGE. THAT'S LIKE DEAN IS SAYING I DON'T BELIEVE A FREAK CAN EVER BE ANYTHING ELSE. Right after telling Sam he didn't believe he could have actually gotten better earlier that episode.

Sam always believes he's inherently messed up because his family's conditioned him to believe that because they've kept treating him like a ticking bomb instead of a human who is going through stuff and who needs support.

[wellofdean]

Just wanted to split this off from this post about why Mary Winchester is excellent because it's getting so long, but I wanted to respond to these tags from @kayliemalinza :

#sometimes i feel people hate john for reasons that while valid in our universe less valid in the spn universe#but mary gets it way worse#<-- prev tags yessss#also doing the math wasn't she like 28 when she died#i'm glad they didn't recast and of course samantha smith looks her own age#but mary is in fact YOUNGER THAN SAM AND DEAN AT THIS POINT#they are not children#and the tags copied above i think explains so sos ooo much#bc so many fans glommed onto dean because of similar family issues#and that means they are struggling as much as dean is in s12#and just can't disconnect that quite yet#but god#GOD how she struggles with that emotional intimacy#she was raised as a hunter you don't think she's chockablock full of maladaptive coping mechanisms too?

Because I whole-heartedly agree with this. John Winchester was not a good father in some major, major ways, and Sam and Dean had a childhood straight out of a...well, a horror/fantasy genre show...but I think people forget that Sam and Dean also do truly love John and truly are more or less at peace with their memory of him later in the series, and there has to be a reason for that, too. It's not that he's a mustache-twirling villain; it's complicated. He loved them, but he wasn't always able to do it right. They love him, but he hurt them and made the what they are, which is a double-edged sword.

It's really natural that we all identify with Dean, and get angry at people who hurt him, but I think it's important to realize that Dean processes his anger about Mary leaving pretty quickly, because it's not really anger and resentment, it's confusion, disappointment and hurt. And I think Dean is grown enough to own his own feelings, and able to accept that she needs time and space, and he's not such a child that he isn't capable of separating his legitimate feelings from her legitimate needs. It takes him time, but he gets there, because, and this is another conversation, Dean is really very reflective and emotionally intelligent, actually.

I also do agree that a lot of fans, in identifying with Dean, map their own feelings about their parents onto Mary, and dislike her for reasons that have nothing to do with the story being told on Supernatural, which is essentially a very healing one. Since I'm a Gen-X old, and the mother of an adult son, I actually had a pretty different experience, and as much as I love Dean, in this storyline, I identified a lot with Mary.

On the one hand, she has to be so proud of her two big, beautiful, brave and heroic sons, but at the same time she does not know them! They don't need her, and they are trying to protect her from the things she feels they should have been protected from, and at the same time, as adult men who are still, in some way, motherless boys, they are hungry (especially Dean) for her to be something that she never had a chance to grow into. I loved it that her own exigencies were too strong to LET her stay. I loved that she could not accept the role of mother that had been stolen from her, and could not sit still to let it just kind of settle on her shoulders.

It made me think that (aw yeah!) there was a difference between John's sainted white nightgown conception of his dead wife (his motivation to be what he was), and Dean's memory of her as the cutter off of crusts from his sandwiches, or the mother that he comforted when she was sad, and he was just a little man. I'm so glad that Mary turned out to be so much more than that. She is a woman with her own competencies, her own damage and baggage, and her own ideas about how to make things right, who doesn't agree with her sons all the time, who makes mistakes, who fucks the wrong guy, still loves her problematic husband, and can't actually cook, thank you very much. I love that her own disorientation and her own will are so strong that she really can't allow who she actually is to be subsumed into the communal role of 'mother'.

I think that socially, we don't really think about what we ask of mothers, or how hard we judge them. We underestimate what they give up of themselves to satisfy that role. My son was born when I was really young, and fellas, IT WAS HARD under more or less perfectly normal circumstances, to make the transition from being just me to being a mother. My magnificent son is amazeballs, and is a human being that I am so fucking proud to have made out of my very own actual body and raised to be the excellent human he is, and we are really close, but I was not always prefect, and even now when he is a grown adult, I still chafe against the perception of me as 'his mother' and not just ME all the time. One of the very greatest things about my son is his incredible ability to let me live, and make space for the fact that I am also a person, and not just his mother, and I am so, so grateful to him for that, so....

Yeah. As much as I didn't want to see Dean hurt, I LOVED Mary, and love that they wrote her as her a full human being and not a tropally perfect mother. I loved seeing her as a flawed parent that deserved her adult children's understanding and mature love, who deserved her own space and her own processes. What's more, I loved seeing Dean process his feelings about her, and seeing him become a son who was capable of loving a real human woman who happened to be his mother. So... yes. I love her.

Mary Winchester forever. A+.

[icedmatchatae]

No Kisses | KTH Chapter IX: Kiss and Make Up

Pairing: Captain of the Football Team fuckboi Taehyung x Class President goody two shoes Reader

Genre: FWB AU-ish, enemies to frienemies? with benefits to lovers, smut, fluff, angst?? I guess

Summary: It's championship week! The most anticipated week of the school year; however, leading up to the events, you and your council must collaborate with the football team to promote school spirit and pride. Unfortunately, you're forced to work with your number one enemy, Football team captain and fuck boy, Kim Taehyung, known for having a mysterious "no kisses" rule.

Chapter IX: Kiss and Make Up || Series Masterlist

The days leading up to Homecoming, you had never spoken to Taehyung since the party. But he doesn’t try anymore. He respected your request and just let it be. This time is better, and you acknowledged him when it was the meetings or when he’s around Jimin, but you don’t exchange any words. Everything that needed to be reported to Coach Bang or him, you asked Hoseok or Yoongi to do it, which they accepted after seeing your reddened, torn face.

Every night, you cried. You missed him so much, yet it was painful to be in his presence. You let yourself fall madly in love with him, knowing that you could never be together. It was only a fantasy, blinded by the hope that the love of your life did, in fact, love you back. Yes, he said he loved you, but you know the stinging feeling he gave you that you couldn’t get passed. Why was he scared? Why does he have that rule? There were still unanswered questions he refused to tell you and kept you in the dark. How could he love you if he didn’t open himself up?

You didn’t want that. You gave your whole self to him, exposing every part of you and letting him in. You don’t regret that, but it remained in your mind at all times.

You scanned your room, still the same, but the memories of him here revisited you at night. You hated that you wanted it, hoped that he’d come back. This was why you refused him to come here because it was the only thing you had left for yourself. He already consumed your entity, and integrating himself into your space made it harder to forget him.

You missed his touch. It stayed on like he implanted himself on your body. You missed his cuddles, you missed his smile, you missed everything about him. You missed him.

But you shouldn’t. You lived in two different parts, contrasting one another. Yet when combined, it created an array of colors bursting with ever-glowing love and electrified your souls into one.

Ugh, you shouldn’t think positively about it. Just be in pain. It’s easier to move on, even if you didn’t want to.

-

Through homecoming week, you were gratefully busy with everything to even see Taehyung. Sure, you met him and the team every day, but your mind was preoccupied with each event and wanted them to be perfect. So far, you were succeeding and excelling as expected.

The parade was over, which was a blessing because you couldn’t deal with the hot sun. Now it was the fair.

The university was filled with sponsors, caterers, and students gathering on the main lawn. You couldn’t really enjoy yourself as you bypassed everything to ensure that everyone was okay. You had your clipboard in your hand and checked tasks on your list.

“Prez, do you know where the admin is? One of the caterers, King’s Korean, wants to meet the dean on possible future events.” Lia, one of your council members, asked.

“Uhh, no. But give me their business card, and I’ll send it to them once I see Dean Kwon.” You responded, not taking your eyes off the clipboard. But you did look up to say, “Ask for their manager’s number, and Lia, you’re doing great work.” You grinned softly, making the younger smile back before leaving.

“Prez, come in. Over.” You heard your walkie-talkie go off, rolling your eyes. You unclipped it from your belt and pressed the button to say, “Hobi, you don’t fucking need to say over at the end.”

“Hey, how many times do we even use walkie-talkies in this day and age? Over.” Hoseok countered, not caring. “I’m just trying to live my dream with this. Over.”

“What do you want?” You let him slide and focused on what he needed.

“The football team needs help with their bento booth again. There’s a long line, and half of them are gone, preparing other things. Over.” He explained. “Do you think you can gather some of our members that aren’t in designated areas? Over.”

“Yeah, I found a bunch of them near the dunking booth. They’re trying to dunk to Seokjin since he’s ridiculing everyone who’s failing.” You pointed out.

“Got it. See you soon. Over.”

You walked towards the booth and asked your council members for their help. They all agreed, but not without Seokjin insulting them.

“Wow, you’re just gonna give up like that. What happened to never giving up until you succeed bullshit, you say during the council meetings?” Seokjin laughed as he was still dry as the desert.

“Jin, don’t be so mean. We’re trying to raise money and promote your team, not get complaints that you made children and grown men cry!” You scolded him.

“Miss President, this is simply reverse psychology. I’m getting everyone to try it out while seeing my handsome face. A hit to their ego will only fuel their rage to destroy, which they can’t.”

“Whatever, just don’t hurt people’s feelings.”

“No, everyone should be equal with that. Bet little Goody-Two-Shoes president can’t do anything right except opening her legs to our captain.” He mocked, making your jaw unlock. You assumed by now his closest friends knew what happened between you two, but fuck, he didn’t need to say it out loud for anyone to hear. Luckily, it wasn’t crowded, and you were the only person other than Namjoon who operated the booth.

You were still shy from hearing those things, so you ultimately blushed. You weren’t technically mad because he gave an apologetic expression, but he really did give you enough rage in destroying him. 

You pulled some cash out of your pocket and slammed it as well as your clipboard on the table. Without talking, you grabbed a single ball and stood in position. You stared blankly at the amused wide receiver with his arms crossed, waiting carelessly.

“Your ass is mine!” You yelled before throwing the ball to hit the target.

You missed.

Seokjin erupted a laugh so hard that the sound insulted you. “Damn, that was anti-climatic.”

Still annoyed by him, you gave no fucks at breaking the rules. You ran up to the target and pushed the button so hard that his whole body fell into the water. You swore you heard people around the booth cheer harder than in the past football games. He emerged to the surface and shook the water out of his hard before wiping his face.

“Yah, you can’t do that!”

“What do you mean, I just did?” You shrugged as you headed up to him. “Don’t be mean.”

“Ugh, fine.” He pouted, pushing his lower lips out. “Sorry about saying that, by the way. I forgot it’s still fresh in your minds until it came out.”

“It’s fine. Good coping skill, though.” You sighed. “Might use it once I’m over it.”

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“Nothing, now shoo!” He wanted you to be gone. “You already embarrassed me.” You chuckled before grabbing your things and left. You were dillydallying for ten minutes. Now it was time to get back to work.

You had to oversee the next section. As you were walking, someone called out to you, assuming it was one of your members. You raised your head up to see someone who didn’t expect.

She wore her cheerleader uniform, and her hair was in a ponytail, holding a vanilla milkshake. She was dressed for the parade and for tonight’s championship. You couldn’t help but feel small. Though you were sleeping around with Taehyung, Bini was his first love, his girlfriend, his, something you never will be.

You focused on your clipboard and asked, “May I help you?”

“I came to talk.”

“I’m busy. I’m trying to manage a whole fair here.” You said as your eyes went back and forth from the tasks to the booths. You shifted your eyes onto the next stall, but the milkshake in her hand covered your vision. You inspected the tasty beverage before glancing at her.

“This is for you, a small apology, I guess.” She disclosed. Still, you were cautious but took it from her. She watched your movements, waiting for you to try it. You removed the wrapper to reveal the bamboo straw. You sucked on it until your taste buds met with the creamy goodness. You hummed in delight and nodded.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” You said after swallowing.

“Yes, I do. For kissing Tae—”

“Look, Bini. I’m tired and busy. I don’t want to hear it.” You breathed out. “My friends are trying to get me to talk, and I don’t want to think of it. I’m not even a part of his life anymore.”

“But Taehyung loves you!” She blurted out, observing your features for a reaction, yet your face remained.

“I know.”

“You know? Then how come?”

“He still hurt me, and he confuses me even he told me he loved me.” You explained as you walked up to a bench and sat. Bini did the same and waited for you to continue. “You’ve been with him. Was he always like this? A confusing fuck boy flirt??”

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it. She looked down at her lap and said, “No, I kinda pushed him towards that path.” You cocked an eyebrow, now puzzled by her. But before you could even ask, she stated, “I’m sure you heard from him or maybe Jimin, but I cheated on him, and he was crushed.” You were baffled. You didn’t know. No one told you, and you’re angered at the thought of Taehyung being cheated on. He doesn’t deserve that.

Still, you stayed silent and drank the milkshake. “Taehyung was nothing but sweet and gentle that you felt like you were in a fairytale, and he was your Prince Charming. I’m sure you’ve seen the way he acted when you were together.”

You recaptured all the memories. Not once was Taehyung ever cruel to you, apart from those instances. He did care, make sure you were okay and well. He made you eat since you forgot sometimes. He held you like there was no tomorrow.

“I do regret what I did. That’s why I want him back, why I kissed him. But he doesn’t want me anymore.” Sadness filled her demeanor. “I didn’t want to give up. But I saw how he looked at you. It was greater than anything I’ve seen. He’s hopelessly in love with you, and right now, he’s sad.”

You didn’t understand why she was talking to you. She wasn’t nice to you but clearly doesn’t care. You thought she hated you. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because if I can’t make Taehyung happy, I know someone like you can.” She finally reached your eyes. Though there was no light in them, there was a shine of optimism to her words.

You don’t comment on what she said, as it conflicted with your decision to stay away. Instead, you pondered, “Can I ask you some questions?” She hummed in response. “Why was he afraid of telling me that he loved me?”

“He didn’t think you’d love him back.” She exhaled. “I kind of put words into his brain to second guess himself. He was always like that. He likes to be reassured. Clearly, I didn’t do that.” She curled her lips. “I can tell you love him. The way you see him and blush too.”

“What are you, a mind reader? Why do you know so much about non-verbal communication?”

“I’m in school to become a counselor.”

You were taken aback by her career choice, but that was the least of your worries.

This was a new side of Taehyung you didn’t know about. He was always so confident and forward in front of everyone. He never showed signs of doubt and insecurities. You guessed that Bini only knew because she was with him. 

“Do you know why he doesn’t kiss? Why does he have a “no kissings” rule?”

“Kinda knew you were gonna ask that.” She smiled, and it almost looked authentic. “I do, but I think it’s best that Taehyung tells you, no?”

“It’s probably out of pocket.” You thought out loud.

“It’s actually pretty sweet.” She reassured. “I’m sorry for all that I did. I meant it in every way possible, but just make him happy again.” Bini stood up and took one more look at you before heading back to her team.

You stared at your melting milkshake, processing what she told you. Could you even trust her? You had no reason to do so. But she also had no reason to lie. Now she made you doubt your decisions. Did you do the right thing by ending your contact with him? Will you even feel better in the long run?

-

It was an hour before the games started when your council decided to drop by into the lockers to wish the team good luck. You made Hoseok take the lead on this one since you didn’t want to bring light on the tension between the two groups. You supposed everyone knew between you and Taehyung.

The attention should be on the Football team. They were making our alma mater proud. Whether they win or not, the team will go down in history. It was all because of their brotherhood and teamwork, their hard-working coach, and their respectable and caring captain.

While Hoseok was blabbing on like his usual extroverted self, you were in the back of your council, avoiding any eyes spotting you. But you could tell there was a certain pair of eyes gawking at you hopelessly. You didn’t restrain yourself as you met his stare. He said nothing but said everything.

His eyes pleaded for you and your love. He wanted you so much. The contact was so strong that you broke it to glance everywhere else but his way. Your efforts were weak for his love, but you couldn’t. Not yet, at least. He knew you felt the same way; your face said it all, but why were you stopping yourself?

He bit his lips harshly to avoid more tears from imploding out, blinking rapidly. He couldn’t cry. He shouldn’t. He should be happy that the championships have finally arrived. The wait was over; they’ll be making history in under an hour.

He just wished he’d do this with you by his side.

The game was in the second quarter with only five minutes left, and the team was losing by seven points. The team seemed to do their best but had to call time-out twice. Their starring Quarterback, Taehyung, wasn’t doing so well. He fumbled with the ball three times and got tackled twice.

Coach Bang called time-out again and urged Taehyung to go to him. You watched as Taehyung took his helmet off and threw it on the ground while Coach Bang said something that was not in his favor. You saw the coach shake his head and pat Taehyung’s back before Taehyung jogged off the field and elsewhere. Someone else replaced him for the time being.

By the time the quarter ended, our side finally scored a point with Jungkook running through the defense and reaching the goal. It was now half-time, which was a performance by our band and cheerleading team. It was a little disappointing that your school was losing, but there was still time to get back up.

But then again, the captain wasn’t playing his best, leaving the team struggling to pick up after him. Taehyung still wasn’t back for half-time as the team huddled together to discuss the next steps. 

“Damn, these little tweaky tweaks are beating our asses.” Yoongi, the most passionate about sports among your trio, groaned in frustration.

“Be respectful. They’re called blue jays.” Hoseok scolded as he sipped on his hot chocolate. “But yes, I have to agree that our team isn’t doing so well. This is probably the worst performance this season.”

“Don’t know much about football. I’m just supporting.” You replied, chewing on your kettle corn.

“How about you support the team by telling our quarterback you love him back?” Yoongi spat with rage.

You rolled your eyes and huffed, “It’s not related to this.”

“Really? You’re really gonna say that?” Hoseok laughed like it was the funniest thing you ever said. “Our team isn’t doing well because of one specific person who happened to be the captain, quarterback, and also the guy you were with? And you’re saying that it isn’t related?”

“___, for someone so smart, you’re pretty fucking stupid.” Yoongi snickered.

You were about to tell him off until you heard Jimin calling you from the field. Your head turned to the team, who motioned you to come to the field.

“What do they want?” You muttered under your breath.

“Oh, you in trouble!!” Your best friends sang, causing you to give a dirty look. 

You handed Yoongi your popcorn as you stood up. You walked down the bleachers, heading through the track. You noticed some of the cheerleaders, particularly Bini, gaping at you. You reached the large burly men in their uniforms. 

“May I help you, gentlemen?”

“Yes, you can help us by talking to our damn lovesick captain in the locker rooms.” Namjoon spewed out.

“Wha—Fuck that.” You were bewildered by their request. 

“___…” Jimin pulled you to the side, having a more private conversation. But it didn’t seem as private since the rest of the team scrutinized you like hawks. “Can you please talk to Taehyung already?”

“Why? You know it’s over. There’s nothing between us anymore. I don’t want to. I can’t.”

“___, please. You both love each other. There’s no point in restraining yourselves.”

“But he hurt me.”

“I saw you talking to Bini earlier today.” He began. “You probably know now what truly happened. You’re hurt, but he’s hurting too. He still thinks you don’t love him. Hell, he confessed to you, and you didn’t say it back.” You folded your arms, biting your lips, still not entirely convinced. “He deserves to at least know how you feel. You both deserve that.”

“Jimin, there’s no—”

“Shut up! I love and care for both of you, but he looks more devastated than you. At least you have the skill of hiding it, but Taehyung has been looking like a fucking mess.”

“You want me to be more depressed than him?”

“No, you idiot! You know what, you’re both fucking idiots. You liked each other for so long, and you’re giving up after all that you’ve done! Fucking make up or something! Love each other or don’t, but clearly, you can’t do the latter.” Jimin lost his temper, and this was the first time he actually took it out on you.

You grimaced in misery as you dwelled at his words, knowing he was right. They were all right. You were too stubborn to let go and get back to him. You finally got into your brain how important he was to you and you were to him. You weren’t as upset about him hurting you. You were more bothered by the fact that he wasn’t by your side, holding you, comforting you, kissing you, making your days brighter.

You missed him so much, and you needed him to be happy.

“I like to point out that we also wanna win the championship, and we can’t have our captain sad,” Jimin added on, pointing back at the team, who nodded like children. 

You blinked at your cousin, “Of course, this is for your selfish needs.”

“Hey, we all need to be a little selfish to get what we want.” He smiled wickedly. The saying reminded you of something similar that Taehyung said. “You should too. Even after all that, you still want him. You’re just thinking with your mind, your dumb logical mind.”

“You know you don’t need to be rude.”

“Think with your heart for once.” He patted your head. “Taehyung will take care of you and won’t hurt you from here on. I know that. He just needs reassurance from time to time.”

You groaned out as you covered your glasses and eyes with your palms. “Fine, I’ll talk to him.” You turned away and headed towards the locker rooms. Once you were going into the path, Jimin cheered in glee, causing a chain reaction because the football team roared. You looked back and saw them dancing like maniacs. From afar view, Yoongi and Hoseok clapped too. Yoongi grabbed one of the microphones and screamed out, “LET’S GO, ___!!!!”

You guessed it helped your nerves down, but you still weren’t confident in what you were about to say and do once you met with him. It was all or nothing now.

Meanwhile, minutes into half-time, Taehyung wept defeatedly; he cried about his performance, the championship probably going into shamble. Most importantly, he lost you forever, and it stung so badly that he couldn’t concentrate on anything except you.

All he ever did was fuck everything up for himself.

“Tae…” He heard the soft sound of the person he loved the most. His bloodshot eyes found you willingly in front of him. He didn’t expect you to be here, but he doesn’t question your presence.

“___, wh-what are you doing here?” He wiped his tears and his stuffed nose with the back of his hand, trying his best to make it look like he wasn’t crying like a little bitch.

“I came to check up on you.” Though everyone talked you into it, you were genuinely concerned with him.

He couldn’t hold your staring, so he shifted to his lap. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“Because I care about you.”

“Really?” He doubted, not believing your words. “Doesn’t feel like it when you’re ignoring me.”

“Well, you ignored me too.”

“Because you told me to! I love you enough to respect you!” He cried out. It shattered him. Saying how he loved you when you didn’t reciprocate it back broke him every time. “Look, I understand you don’t want me, so I don’t know why you came here, knowing damn well you said you didn’t want to deal with me. If you wanna make fun of me, just leave right now!”

“Taehyung, I’m confused as you are. I—” You paused, closing your eyes. You collected your feelings and thoughts to say them into sentences. You opened them back and said, “I haven’t been honest with you or myself. Things happened between us. Some bad, mostly good, though.” You explained, stepping closer to him. He wasn’t looking at you, and you wanted him to. “Yes, I was hurt. I was annoyed at what you did to me, but it fucking sucks knowing that I don’t have you in my life anymore.” Your voice cracked as you felt your face getting hot. A sheen of water glossed your eyes as he finally saw you in all your beauty and perfection. You moved closer with your hands intertwined at your back, afraid of going further to him. He watched your every move with his puppy-like expression, waiting for you to speak. 

“I miss your cocky attitude, your insults, your teasing, your smile, your pretty eyes, your care, lovable personality…your big dick…” You gazed down shamefully. You surprised yourself on that one as you got nervous saying it. Taehyung was speechless with that out-of-pocket statement. You were always so shy saying those things outside of sexual activity, and at the wrong place and time, his dick twitched a little. “The point is I miss you, and I’m sorry for also hurting you by not saying I love you back because I do love you.”

“You love me?” He rasped from his crying voice, but in awe at what you said. You timidly nodded as you stared at your shoes.

He stood up from the bench to stand in front of your form. His football gear made him larger than he already was, making you smaller than you already were. With his two fingers, he tugged your chin, forcing you to look up at him. It’s been a while since you’ve been this close to him but remembered how entranced his eyes trapped your whole self. He bent down with the tips of your nose touching.

“Say it again, princess. I wanna hear your words.” He whispered, slowly reverting to the Taehyung you knew and loved.

“I love you, Kim Taehyung. You’re annoying, and I’m sorry for ignoring you.” You circled your arms around his neck. 

He giggled at your confession. He rested his palms on your waist, rubbing little circles. “I love you too, ___ ___. You’re immensely stubborn and should get punished all the time for it, but I’m sorry for hurting you. I promise not to hurt you again.”

Then your lips molded perfectly together like you were made for each other. You moved in sync, wanting to taste one another after so long. You finally had each other, and you never wanted to let go. You separated your lips, but Taehyung couldn’t help but repeatedly kiss your nose and forehead.

“You know we still have a lot to talk about, right?” You laughed at his endearing neediness. 

“Yes, we do.” He rested his head on your shoulder, taking in your addicting scent. “But as long as I get to be with you, I don’t give a fuck about what we talk about. Punish me for all I care, baby.”

“Tae, no! That’s not what I had in mind.” You couldn’t stop smiling, but you had to push away from him, causing him to whine at the loss of your touch. ”As much as I want you right now, I was also sent here because you have a game to win.”

“Ugh, I have you already. Can’t I just not? “He stomped his feet on the ground. You were incredulous at what you were seeing.

“You have a whole team asking me to make you feel better. Come on, you’ve worked hard for this. Don’t let it go down the drain.” You grabbed his hand and intertwined your fingers. “I believe in you, and maybe, if you win, you might get a reward.”

“Reward, you say? Is it something that I’m thinking about right now?” He smirked before licking his lips. You would have probably seen his hardened dick if his cup wasn’t there.

“I can’t say it because we’ll never leave before half-time’s over.” You had a speck of fear, knowing how much he enjoyed being somewhat of an exhibitionist. “But trust me, you’re going to love it.” You kissed his cheek and smiled happily.

“Then I’ll fucking demolished those bitches.” He pumped a fist in the air before snapping his fingers at an idea. He quickly opened his locker, pulled out his varsity jacket, and gave it to you. “Wear this, baby. A sign for good luck.”

You nodded before throwing it on. You basically drowned it in, but it was still a perfect fit in your mind. You both left the lockers hand in hand, going back to the field. There were still five minutes left, enough for Taehyung to catch up.

As you were walking up, you were snatched back, almost falling. But you landed in his arms as he gave you a big unexpected kiss. After doing so, he pulled you back to your feet, and you were stumped at the sudden action.

“Another sign of good luck. We really need it, princess.”

It seemed the air got lighter as the football team—including Coach Bang—crowded together and screamed like fangirls as they saw you not only holding hands, but you wore his jacket and beamed in their direction.

“They look more excited than us.”

“Perhaps, but I guess you can say they’ve been waiting for it to happen.” He shrugged. “Baby, I gotta go. I’ll see you later, okay?” He smooched another on your cheeks, making squeaking noises and slobber you slapped him. 

“Get away!” You wiped his drool off of you. He lets out a chuckle before jogging to his team. “Good luck. I love you!”

He turned back with his boxy smile. “I love you too!”

-

Surprise, surprise! They won by a landslide. When Taehyung ran into the opponent’s end zone, landing the final point, the crowd cheered in victory. He held the ball with pride, raising it in the air. He stayed still, drinking in the achievement that will go down in history. He looked back at his team holding each other in happiness, then Jimin ran up to give him the biggest hug of his life.

“Bro, we fucking did it!” Jimin smacked his shoulder pads in excitement.

Taehyung then scanned the crowd, easily spotting your gleeful self in his jacket. Hoseok was dancing and rotating his hips while Yoongi yelled, exposing his gummy smile.

The game was over, the season was over, and the trophy was theirs. But now, all he wanted to was be by your side and kiss you.

He removed his helmet and threw it at Jimin without warning. Jimin fumbled with it before securing it in his hands. He wanted to yell at his best friend but saw already lost his attention once he saw him running up to you.

Jimin smiled, pleased with the results and proud to see his loved ones happy again.

Taehyung jumped over the fence and went up the bleachers. Your eyes never left his until he stood mere meters away.

“Good job, Quarterback.” You congratulated, going up to him for a hug. He wrapped his arms around you, squeezing your body tightly.

“Why, thank you, Miss President.” He said. “While I do want my reward now, first, can I get a kiss to show everyone how much I love you?”

You rested your forehead on his and answered, “Yes, you can. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You closed the gap between you and kissed him proudly. At last, he was finally yours, and you were finally his.

“Gross,” Yoongi spoke, earning a nudge from Hoseok, who cooed at your moment. Though he was fouled at the sight, he also awed at you.

[lady-of-the-spirit]

Yeah seriously finding people who hate Dean is soo fun!!!

Yes like fr the narrative just sides with him and that possession plot line was fucked up. Especially since Dean does know Sam’s problems with angels and the whole consent thing. And he knows that Sam has trauma. Like when you think about it like that it’s even more fucked up. And god I hated that they made Sam forgive him! Especially since Sam just set boundaries with Dean and his relationship. And then suddenly we’re supposed to actually give a thought about dean’s pain as if he wasn’t the one who caused Sam’s pain. Like come on!!! Why would they do that?!?

Oh my god it is the worst how those fans just reduce Sam to the uncle. As if Sam wasn’t the only one who actually saw goodness in jack. Who knew not to hate on a literal child cuz of who his father is. And it makes it worse that they reduce it cuz Sam was the victim of jack’s father Lucifer. And yet sam still decided to parent jack and see kindness in him. Also it’s so ironic how that one scene that they talk about when jack was born: is a scene where Dean is giving alcohol to a person that was on earth for like 2 days. Like I seriously don’t care that jack looks older, dude was only on earth for 2 days and was introduced to alcohol.

Exactly like legit so many people hate John for abusing his kids but when Dean does it apparently it’s okay???? Also the worst thing is how so many people just reduce Dean to being the ‘dad’ figure to all kids when he legit hurts all the kids/teenagers he comes in contact with. But then Sam parents them and actually understands things from their pov, and apparently he isn’t a good enough person to call a ‘dad’. Like gah it just bothers me sooo much!!

Ohh that’s good that you enjoyed it and yeah I totally get the binging/watching just petered out. Like especially with this long of a show with 15 seasons and with so many episodes too. Like it isn’t an easy watch at all. I’m honestly not a big binger with shows either so I totally get it. Also yeah makes sense that you absorbed and looked up stuff. That must have been an experience on its own lol. Also it might be good that you just heard it cuz if you already hate Dean just from hearing about his actions, oh boy would you be pissed seeing it on screen.

NO IT REALLY IS THE BEST AND TBH GETTING THAT ASK AND SEEING YOU ALSO HATE HIM WAS AMAZING

Like even if he didn't know Sam's issues with consent and possession it's fucked up that he would trick Sam like that, but he DOES know and he does it anyway and he's like "I'd do it again because it saved you and you would do the same thing!!" trying to act like what he did wasn't a terrible thing to do regardless of his reasons. And then Sam says "No I wouldn't" because Sam knows what that feels like, to be possessed, to lose moments of your life and not know why, to lose control of your body, and he wouldn't put someone through that. But Dean misinterprets this as "oh you don't love me" doesn't he? ugh.

Sam was putting his whole effort into raising that kid and treating him right even though, frankly, he would have the right to react poorly to anyone related to Lucifer being in his home, but no! He does the opposite of what Dean does and treats that kid like a kid and give him a decent chance! And yet he's labelled as the Uncle simply because "Jack is Cas's kid and Dean is his husband so-" no! fuck off! I literally have a whole tag that's "sam is the only winchester i wholeheartedly trust with a child" because it's true.

I struggle with watching shows that are only 20-30 minutes long, I could not handle watching 15 (?) seasons of a show with 20 episodes 40-50 minutes long. skip all that nonsense, read the wiki and see snippets on tumblr instead.

[astral-lucy]

gilmore girls big three, pt i

hi beautiful people!

i did this post a while back on my we heart it, so i went back to look for it, deleted it there, so i could post it here! gilmore girls is my favorite series of all time, so i'm really excited to do this! some of these are based on their birthdays or estimated birthdays, just so you know (you can look it up, i took the info from this website!). if you've seen the series and want to leave your opinion, please, feel free to do so! also, we don't hate dean, jess nor logan here.

here it goes!

lorelai gilmore

taurus sun - sagittarius asc - aries moon

her birthday is april 25th 1968, which would make her a taurus (just like me!) . at first, i found it weird, not really seeing it, since i always thought she was a sagittarius. but, after thinking it for maybe less than two minutes, i definetely can see it. sheis quite lazy for those things that are not really a reponsability or simply avoids doing certain tasks, yet she's extra hardworking (and even more since her sun could be on her 6h with the sag ascendant i think she is). though she also loves to treat herself, she also knows when she need to tighten her belt. she doesn't like changes that are really crazy and, honestly, has a hardtime letting things off her chest sometimes. oh, and, of course, she is a foodie. i say she's a sag rising for her desire to know and travel, always pushing forward for greater things in her life. i kept debating if she was an aries moon or a gemini moon, so i actually made her chart, and she actually is an aries moon!

(ps: for those of you interested; she's also an aries venus, taurus mars and mercury with a leo jupiter)

rory gilmore

libra sun - virgo asc - pisces moon

the next gilmore also has a canon birthday and birth time! it says she is born october 8th 1984 at 4:03am! it's funny cause, recently, i had a discussion with my mom abouth wether she was a virgo or a libra. she is totally a libra and you can tell since, as her mother sun sign, libra is also ruled by venus, which makes them unfairly pretty and attractive, enchanting and wanting to be nice to absolutely everyone. and she is a virgo asc (you bet i drew her natal chart), which explain how responsible and grounded she is. the pisces moon also makes so. much. sense! you know, i thought she was a virgo sun with a psices rising, but wow, this makes way more sense than i thought. remember how the stories of lorelau always were of her wanting to help people when she was a baby and how she's always concerned about others?

also, rising opposite moon does create a conflict on her internal emotions and thoughts, so that's why is harder for her to tell lorelai what's going on at first. and 7h moon makes you usually really close to your mom so-

(ps: for those of you interested; she's an scorpio venus, capricorn mars and jupiter, with a libra mercury)

luke danes

scorpio sun - aquarius asc - capricorn moon

so, i didn't know who to put next, since the series has so many characters becoming more and less important through the whole plot that the next big character i saw was luke (not at all because he's one of my fav characters). it's said that his birthday is between october and november, which it'll make him a scorpio, a hunch i have since the first time i knew his full story, which makes senses since we see how his family life was never the best. nevertheless, he was the most grounded one, who had the initiative to make his own business but without really changing his dad's old stablishment. he has quite a hard time telling his emotions (again), though everyone knows them, and always showing though love. i was about to write taurus asc instead of aquarius is because of how he decided to open a café, but an aquarius rising would also make a lot of sense - he helps the community yet somehow always seems to go against the authority in it (taylor) and he move forward about his dad's business creating his own.

sookie st james

pisces sun - gemini asc - gemini moon

she's really sweet and caring, wants to nurture others, she's always eager to try new things, experiment, all while being the brightest and clumsiest in the job. super fond of emotions and always there to help, share and norture. being a mother is extremely natural to her. she is born to be with people, to talk, to laugh and to share her thoughts.

lane kim

aries sun - scorpio rising - gemini moon

super dramatic, rebellious, and knows how to be secretive. fun, and it is quite realistic. an amazing friend, but does require a lot of attention. not the best home life, that what provoques her escapes and hideaways, leaving house with quite an impulsive thought process behind. also, the relationship with her mother is bad but she still loves her. she's also super independent and ready to build her own path - until she actually has to and freaks out.

paris geller

capricorn sun - capricorn rising - capricorn moon

needs to have leadership and control, but doesn't have the exact delicacy that rory has to ask for it. she is always confused about her emotions and the non-logical part of life. she is super focused cause she was pressure on her back at all time from her family, but, once she gets adjusted, she doesn't like changes. she could have a 12h moon though.

hope you enjoyed this!

[sortasirius]

“Unity” and the Broken Boys

BOY Y’ALL BETTER SIT DOWN BECAUSE THIS IS AS LONG AS CAN BE AND I TOOK OFF WORK TOMORROW SO I’VE GOT TIME

This is....one of the best episodes in the show.  Yeah, in all 325 of them, this is hands down one of the best.

First of all, stan Amara for clear skin.

That silent treatment babey, right out the gate with the Angst.  Tbh Dean deserves it.

“Like I said, killing Amara, Jack dying...that’s the only way.”

“The only way.  Our one shot.  Our Last chance.  You ever get tired of saying stuff like that?”

“We don’t have to like it, alright?  But you and me, we gotta get it done.”

Amara is such a welcome energy in this whole episode.  She’s warm and understanding, whip-smart and probably more powerful than Chuck.  I love her.

Sam is a wonderful, understanding, loving dad.  I love him eternally.  He loves Jack so much, he’s trying so desperately to do what’s right for Jack but also what’s right for the world.  Jack made this choice, but he can’t live with it.  How do you support your child when their life is at stake?

“Come on man.  Blindly following orders, lying to Amara, sending her to her death. Does any of this feel right to you??”

“It doesn’t matter how we feel!  You know what?  Stay.  Stay.  Someone has to be the grown up here.”

“Yeah well someone has to keep fighting for Jack!”

“He knows what he signed up for!”

“Last I checked, we don’t give up on family.”

“Jack’s not family.”

Y’all should have heard the noise I made.  What a fucking line.

“I know how you feel about the kid, I care for him too, I do, but he’s not like you.  He’s not like Cas.  He’s just not.”

“I’m- I’m ready.”

You can see the regret, the heartbreak in Dean’s eyes.  You can see how he wants to take those words back the moment he said them, and for Jack to hear them?  It’s unthinkable.

Sam and Cas I’m just so fucking emo dude.

“Sam, you stayed behind to find another way huh?  I woulda done the same.”

AMARA

First of all, LOVE this structure.

Amara and Chuck have such a fascinating dynamic.  Rob and Emily do a great job (as they have all along) by clearly being siblings but...heightened.  You can just tell they both exude power, and the other is the only one they consider an equal.

“You and Dean had that whole weird...thing.”

“That wasn’t you writing?”

“Ugh, not that part.  Gross.”

What I took away from this is what I’ve suspected all along.  They HAVE free will, just not total free will.  Dean and Amara’s connection wasn’t Chuck, there are parts of the story he didn’t write.  Obviously, this comes into play later. 

I also have a hunch that Chuck doesn’t write romance.  I also think that in particular will come into play.

“Balance.  Something we’ve never tried before.  Creation and destruction, light and dark, brother and sister united again, but on behalf of one world, this world.  True balance.  The way it was always meant to be.  But you can’t.  You only care about your pleasure, your story.  Well, I guess that makes you the villain.”

“Villains get all the best lines.”

We see again and again this season, Chuck is irredeemable.  He doesn’t care about the angels, he doesn’t care about the world, he doesn’t care about anything.  He is a petulant toddler who has broken his toys. And when he realizes he’s trapped, he gets angry, he shouts and screams, completely at odds with Amara’s peace.

“You can’t hold me here forever.”

“I can hold you long enough.”

DEAN

Pain is the name of the game in this section homies.  Because not only are we dealing with Dean’s pain, we’re also dealing with Jack’s.  Jack says he understands why Cas and Sam mean more to Dean, but Dean clearly doesn’t, he, once again, wants to say more, but is stopped, still stopped by his fear: his fear of not beating Chuck.

Alright guys, gals, and non-binary pals.  Let’s talk about Adam and Seraphina.

Adam.  The first man.  And Seraphina.  The angel.

“My old lady.  She’s the only one who could put up with me all these years.”

Yeah okay.  Volume at 100 I get it lmao.

But also: Adam wants God dead not because he and Eve were kicked out of the Garden, but because he went after their sons.  The theme of protecting the children strikes again.

“Killing God is your plan?”

“Yeah, Billie’s been giving us a hand but Sera and me, this is our baby.”

This juxtaposed directly with Dean’s own pain at what he has to do to kill Chuck, to gain his free will: the cost of his child.

Adam’s rib.

And who else might get his ribs hurt, only to be likely healed by an angel?

It’s fine, that’s fine.  I’m fine with that.

“Jack, I don’t know how to explain it but, when I found out about Chuck, it’s like I wasn’t alive.  Not really.  You know like my whole life I’ve never been free, but like really free.  But now?  Now me and Sam, we got a shot at living a life, without all this crap on our backs.  And that’s, that’s because of you.  So, I want to say, I need to say...thank you, Jack.  Thank you.”

I’m gonna have to do a separate post about just Dean in this episode, because there is so fucking much to talk about, but there are a couple of things that I think are important:  Dean realizes how wrong he was, to say what he said.  He knows that it’s not true, this is the way he’s always coped with loss, by pushing the person to be lost away, but for Jack to hear it?  He can’t stand for that.

And:

Dean has finally pushed through the barrier.  He won’t be quiet in the face of his doubts anymore.  This is a breakthrough for him, and, of course, there are more to come.

SAM

Sam and Cas, my chaos duo.

The box, the inscription, the door.

Death’s library, filled with dead reapers.

And there it is.  The Empty.

It tells Sam the plan, the plan for Billie to take God’s place.  For everything to go back to the way it’s “supposed to be.”

This has always been the game, since season 13.  This is the longest of long games.

Sam fuckin Winchester, lying his way out of a confrontation with the Empty like the legend that he is.

He comes back with a new purpose: to stop Billie’s plan, and here’s where we get to the heart of the episode and maybe the heart of the season.

“You hear that?  Dean, brought to the edge of doubt.  His sense of duty, his rage winning out in the end.  And poor Sam, always gotta know everything.  Can’t leave well enough alone.  This is my ending, my real ending.”

The gun comes out, pointed at Sam.

Hmm...what did I say during 15x05?  Oh yeah, this.

And:

Dean would never survive killing Sam, but he’s willing to do anything, anything to earn his freedom.  His ending, where one brother kills the other and then kill himself.

Why, you might ask, did Sam not mention that the angels would be sent back to Heaven, why does he not mention Cas?  I’ll tell you why, or rather, Becky will.

Plus, Dean looks back at Cas IMMEDIATELY when Sam says that, when he mentions Eileen, and THAT’S the first time he hesitates.  He can’t lose Cas.  But at the same time, he’s willing to do anything to have his freedom.

“Sam we don’t have a choice, Jack’s about to blow!”

“We always have a choice!”

You know me, just sitting here thinking about choice, the ability to choose, and how that translates to their free will.

And Sam...I don’t think there will ever be characters I love as much as these.

“I don’t care if Billie gets what she wants!  I don’t man, I’d trade it all, I’d trade em all for Chuck.  In a heartbeat!”

“What about me?”

“You’d trade me?”

“Chuck has to die.  He has to!  Otherwise he’ll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can’t live like that man, I can’t live like that, I won’t!”

“I know you feel like that right now, okay? I know you do, but you gotta trust me.  My entire life, you’ve protected me.  From Dad, from Lucifer, from everything.  I didn’t always like it, you know?  But it’s the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on.  It’s the only thing I’ve ever known that was true.  So please, put the gun away.  Just put it away.  We’ll figure it out, Dean, we’ll find another way, you and me.  We always do.”

Okay I feel like this is going to be one of those scenes that I cry watching for years to come.  Because fuck.  After fifteen years they finally admit that not only did Dean protect Sam from Lucifer, but he protected him from John.  John.  On a par with Lucifer.

Dean and Sam have, for so many years, sacrificed themselves for the other.  Dean’s demon deal, Sam and the trials, every season they have fought to see who can die the quickest for the other.  But this?  This is them fighting to stop the violence, to stop from killing the big bad.  This is them growing, in our eyes, in real time.  Sam has always been able to get through to Dean when no one else had a prayer, but for Dean to listen, for Dean to take his words to heart, to stop the hunt for Sam, for their family, that’s how you know they do have free will.

(Btw Chuck’s eye effect when he dusted Amara was sick as fuck but I’m emo for my boys so.)

Chuck knows it’s a loss, he knows that his story has, once again, been thwarted by the boys making their own choices.  And he’s pissed, but in his anger, we get a bomb dropped on us.

“Spare me your contempt Castiel, the self-hating angel of Thursday.  You know what every other version of you did after “gripping him tight and raising him from perdition”?  They did what they were told.  But not you.  Not the one off the line with a crack in his chassis.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

Also, just worth bringing up this one as well:

Every Castiel pulled Dean out of Hell.  Every one told him the same thing.  And yet, immediately, with this Cas and this Dean, something was different.  Because what has everyone seen about Cas, from the moment he met Dean?

And there’s our endgame people.  Laid out on the line.

But we ain’t done yet, fam.

We’ve talked about the handprint, but you know:

So there you have it, our prep into the “monumental” 15x18.  I have spec on that, of course, but I think a novel is long enough for this.

What to take away: Dean’s rage was always Chuck’s plan, they do have free will, their love for each other, for their family, is what will stop Chuck’s control, Death is about to come back with a vengeance, Cas’ deal is at play, and, most importantly, Castiel and Dean Winchester are a blind spot for Chuck, something he has never, not once, controlled.

[estrel]

for #spnprideweek day 1: coming out + flags

↳ summary: cas tells sam a secret that he hasn’t (really) told anybody else. surprisingly, sam has one too.  PRIDE series | gen, sam & cas | word count: 1.7k

[READ ON AO3]

Sam’s grimacing a little at the grease from the fries on Cas’ plate. Cas would usually make a comment, here, about Sam keeping his eyes on his own paper, or that it isn’t nearly as bad as the veggie burger sitting on his plate at Sam’s behest. This is the recompense, Cas wants to say, but his mouth is dry and no words are coming out even if he wants them to.

Accompanying the inability to speak is the twisting feeling in his gut that won’t even allow him to pick up the burger. The smell is too much, too, and Cas hates to admit it but it’s probably the grease, so he sits back a little against the peeling seat of the booth to calm his nerves.

It’s just Sam. He can do this. It’s only that this is the first time he’s telling anyone, and that definitely ups the stakes a little.

Well, that’s somewhat of a lie. Cas had told the nice woman at the grocery store check out last week when he’d seen her little pin on her work uniform and asked where he could get one. 

He hadn’t actually bought one, of course, but Cas eyed the small bin full of brightly colored pins on the way out, convincing himself it was stupid to get back in line again for something so small and inexpensive. Still, he’d thought about it on the drive back to the Bunker, and that night in his bed, and the full week following, up until now. 

Now, Sam was looking at him with concern, and wiping his mouth in that way that means he’s about to get serious.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, pointedly looking down at Cas’ loaded plate. He’d barely taken a bite, except for a few nibbles of his admittedly greasy fries. And it was weird because since becoming human, Cas' appetite had grown considerably, much to Dean's delight.

And—Dean. That's what this was all about, wasn't it? Sure, it was more than just Dean, it was all the humans that had made Cas' body ache like it hadn't before, had made him think of what it means to be in this vessel—his body—and be attracted to other...humans.

It was odd. In hindsight, things in Heaven had been so much easier in this regard. Cas had spent most of his life clueless to the capabilities of human attraction, and then he met Dean and it all came crashing down around him. Only then, Cas was ignoring it. He was facing the other way, because though he felt human, he wasn't. Not really.

But everything is different now.

Cas clears his throat.

"Well," he starts, "no. I am feeling what I believe you’d call...anxiety. My stomach hurts, I find I'm unable to eat, a-and my hands are—"

"Cas," Sam interrupts. Shaking. Cas' hands are shaking.

Sam's fully set his fork and knife down now, hands clasped together on the edge of the table. "Talk to me."

Cas licks his dry lips.

"It’s not...it isn’t a big deal, really,” and yet Cas can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He sucks in a breath. “But I’m, uh. I wanted to tell you that...I like men.”

Sam’s expression doesn’t change, but he blinks at Cas once from across the table.

“Okay.”

Cas raises an eyebrow, pulse slowing down a little with his next exhale. “Okay?”

Maybe it was that simple, and Cas was worrying over nothing. It’s just...this feels like it should be bigger. Earth-shattering. Like Sam should either hug him or tell him he never wants to speak to Cas again.

Instead, he just shrugs, picks up his fork and pushes bits of his salad around his plate.

But then Cas’ gaze moves to Sam’s face and...Sam’s frowning. Cas feels his heart thumping hard again, waiting for the ball to drop. It feels a little like when Dean sat him down to “talk,” right after he lost his powers, and, well. Cas knew how that had ended. He braces himself for the worst, schools his features to something more neutral.

“I’m,” Sam clears his throat, “I’m sorry you got nervous over all of that. I-I get that coming out is...” he laughs, “usually a bigger deal, but. You don’t have to worry with me, you know? I get it.”

That makes Cas pause. “You...do?”

Now Sam’s looking at him, eyes a little wide, but he works his jaw and gets the words out. “Yeah. Uh... well I guess now’s a good a time as any to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

The fork is set back down again. The bell over the diner door jingles. 

“In college...you know about Jess,” Sam says, jogging Cas’ memory. He knows, so he nods and Sam continues, “Well we uh. We actually met in a Gender Studies class. I thought, ‘pff, easy A,’ but it was actually way more complex than I originally thought, so she kind of...tutored me.” Cas raises an eyebrow, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Actually tutored me. Whatever. Point is, I learned a lot—‘cause she was a great teacher—and...not just about the class, but about myself, too.” 

Cas nods slowly, beginning to catch Sam’s drift. “Okay...”

Despite his tone, Sam’s posture stiffens a little, like he’s uncomfortable, or not really used to this type of conversation. Cas does his best to relax into his seat to ease him, unfolding his arms.

“What I’m saying is,” Sam shrugs, “I’m...not...cis. Like, I don’t....I’m not um, a guy, I guess. Well, sort of. I’m non-binary.”

Cas is silent for a second, mulling it over in his head. Eventually it becomes long enough for Sam to say, “Uh...you know what? You can forget it, man—”

“No!” Cas says, almost knocking over his plate in the process. The silverware clatters as it falls onto the table, and Sam flinches a little. “I was just thinking...I want to apologize if anything I’ve said about your gender has ever made you uncomfortable, or if you—”

Sam’s out-facing palm makes Cas stutter to a stop. There’s a weird guilt settling in the pit of his stomach, and the anxiety that he’d thought was gone is back full force again. Cas tears off a piece of his napkin.

“Cas, dude. Calm down,” Sam laughs. He takes a deep breath, and Cas follows his lead. They breathe in and out together for a beat, and when Cas feels fairly calmer, Sam pushes both of their plates aside.

“There’s no need to apologize for something you couldn’t have known about,” he starts, shaking his head a little, “and you haven’t done anything wrong, either. I still use he and him pronouns, and sometimes they and them. And besides, it’s not like I go around telling people. Especially with, uh, the way I was raised...I’ve been hesitant, you know? It was great in college, people were really supportive when I told them. But then when I started hunting again...I don’t know. 

“My dad...uh. I tried telling him, once. Didn’t go too well, so I didn’t try it again. I think that’s why Dean...” he shakes his head, frowning down at the table again. “It wasn’t easy, growing up the way we did. You could probably understand that.”

Cas nods. Under the table, his napkin is shredded into bits. 

“I do. I think, in a way, I also understand being trans.” Sam jerks their head up, intrigued. 

“Angels...we don’t experience gender the same way humans do. In fact, the concept is entirely nonexistent in Heaven. So, when we take vessels...”

“You’re essentially defining yourself,” Sam says in awe. It makes Cas smile to see them back in their element, leaning forward a little to listen better. “I never thought about it that way, not really.”

Cas shrugs. “I’m not sure all of my siblings did, either. Many chose according to which vessel would best suit them and their form. That was definitely a factor in me choosing Jimmy, but I also found the thought of looking like a human man...greatly appealing.”

Sam’s nodding now, gaze darting to different parts of the table. Cas knows that means they’re mentally crafting an essay right about now, or thinking of what books in the Bunker might further help in their research about it.

“Wow,” he says, “that’s—I mean. Wow, Cas. Thanks for telling me that. And uh, the other thing.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

There’s a comfortable silence between them now, and Cas takes it as an opportunity to sip from his slightly-melted iced tea. 

“So,” Sam starts again slowly, “have you told Dean?”

Cas sucks in another deep breath, and Sam nods. “Yeah,” he says, “me neither.”

It surprises Cas a little that Sam hasn’t told him, and he expresses that with an inquiring eyebrow. 

Sam purses his lips and dodges the unspoken question. “Dean’s not a bad guy. You probably know that better than anyone except me. You know he’d still love you if you told him.”

Cas’ heart pounds at the mention of the word. When Sam notices, he feels his ears begin to heat with a blush. 

“Oh,” Sam smiles, “that. I figured. For a while now, but I didn’t wanna say anything.”

Cas tries to will away the heat on his face. He doesn’t say anything, so Sam leaves it be.

The waitress gives them a worried look when she brings the check, eyeing their barely touched plates. They both smile apologetically, insisting that their food was “great” when she whisks it away.

On their way back home, Cas asks if Sam can stop at the store. They don’t ask anything more than, “we need groceries that bad?” and Cas dips inside. He knows this is just like any other grocery run—going in and out as quick as possible with the things they need—yet his heart hammers all the same when he stops in front of the bin near the door. The same employee from last week is working on lane six, and he’s sure to check out at that one with his goods. She gives him a knowing smile.

Cas flops into the passenger seat, a little out of breath.

“That was fast,” Sam starts to say, before noticing Cas’ lack of grocery bags. “Dude. What d’you buy, air?”

Instead, Cas brandishes two brightly colored pins. Sam tentatively takes the yellow, white, purple, and black one, eyes wide.

“For me?” they ask.

Cas smiles, running his thumb over the rainbow one in his hand. 

“For both of us,” he says.

[@spnprideweek]

[saturnsummer]

oh, how we’ve grown.

prompted by an anon from my ask here! 

notes: this was probably the fic that stumped me on so many occasions, since it was really bittersweet. editing, grammar and other mistakes will be taken responsible by me! it took me longer than expected and i’m not sure if everyone would be able to catch on how i interpreted the group’s futures and personalities! if anyone would like to know more, do dm me! as always, enjoy and thank you for the support and love!

original prompt: I think Joon Hwi and Sol A was already dating during their 3L (since Sol A looked so comfortable acting flirty and cute aroud Joon Hwi on their way to the old man's trial). Now I wonder what happen with them during time skip and by the ending, what stage of relationship they are in. Can you write a fic or headcanon ab that? Thank you! 🥰

words: 4373 words

it was finally the day of graduation.

joon hwi was beyond excited. he was nostalgic, sad and emotional, for sure. but after crying so many tears yesterday and the past week, he found it useless to cry any further. he lets the adrenaline set in for his new chapter lying ahead.

joon hwi was finally going to be a prosecutor.

his letter came in a few weeks after the bar exam. he counts himself lucky, being one of the students that helped to capture assemblyman ko, solve his uncle's murder, prove his professor's and his own innocence. all in his first year. it was no surprise that when he applied, they immediately wanted him. his grades were just the cherry on top to his stack of achievements. he was certainly overqualified for a guy who just passed the bar.

(well, he did pass the second round judicial exam.)

further than that, he was crowned valedictorian and was tasked to give a speech to his fellow batch mates. he had practiced his speech countless times, and he could recite it in his sleep by now. but he can’t quite place the feeling that he feels. his thoughts are all over and he can’t seem to keep his heart rate constant.

a knock on the door of his now empty dorm room distracts him from his thoughts. there, dressed in similar graduation robes, with long wavy brown hair is kang sol a, or to him, his kang sol. she walks in with a small smile on her face, but her smile fades away to a face of concern after studying his face. her eyes dart to the door, and she strides back to shut the door, giving him and her the privacy that he needs.

"what's troubling you?" she asks gently, taking his hand into hers. a quiet, simple gesture done by sol could soothe him so much. joon hwi is silent, not knowing why he’s so nervous. he’s done speeches and talked to crowds bigger than this. heck, he has testified for court. yet, the knot in his stomach refuses to cease.

“i don’t know… it’s nothing new, yet…” he trails off, avoiding his eyes with his girlfriend. his thoughts race through his head, but it leads back to his uncle, his samchoon, the man that brought him up: seo byungju.

“joon. joon, look at me.” sol brings a hand up to his cheek, gently raising it so it meets her eyes rather than the floor. joon hwi promised he wouldn’t be emotional today, yet he found his eyes glassy when he met sol’s eyes. as a tear slips, her fingers wipe it away gently.

“your uncle… he would be so proud of you to see the boy he raised achieve his dream.” sol says, a voice so quiet and soft, it seems to echo to joon hwi. she always knew what to say and always knew what was troubling him deep down, even if he denied it.

samchoon… are you proud of me?

“i’ll always be supporting you, like how your uncle did. when you’re on stage, if you feel intimidated, just look at my eyes, alright?” sol says, rubbing his cheek. he gives a small smile and nods slowly. taking his hand, sol intertwines it between her fingers, an action that he knows she only does when they are alone. an act so simple, yet his heart was so soothed by then.

joon hwi’s free hand reaches to the back of her head, as he lowers his slightly, so their forehead rest against each other. he breathes her perfume in, the one he bought for her a few months into their relationship, the one that she always wanted but could never buy. he takes slow breathes with her, her thumb rubbing his knuckle gently.

sol pulls away, much to joon hwi’s disappointment. he wanted her skin ship even more, just savouring her touch under his skin. sol notices his disappointment and only gives him a smile.

“they’re waiting for us. come, let’s go.” sol says softly, letting go of his hand after giving him a squeeze. he knows she hates being affectionate in public, even in front of their close friends. he gives her a quick peck on the top of her head before following behind her, walking to the lobby where they were.

“yah, hyung!” bokgi waved with enthusiasm, gathering the attention of the group. joonhwi maintains his composure and lets out a deep breath.

“nervous, hyung?” yebeom asks, his fingers fiddling.

“tch, it’s me. i’ll be fine.” joon hwi replies. it’s a half truth, now that sol is by his side.

“that’s why sol-noona had to find you, right?” bokgi teases, earning a nudge from yeseul. bokgi looks in mocked offence, but he recovers. everyone eyes at sol with prying eyes, the look of teasing on their faces. she takes this moment to shut her eyes, bring her hands up to face and shakes her head while sighing. these kids have literally nothing better to do than to just tease her and joon hwi.

“it’s time. you should go.” jiho says as he nods towards the lecture hall. the ceremony doesn’t start till half an hour later, but being valedictorian, he had preparations to do. they send joon hwi their last words of encouragement, but joon hwi was not going to leave unless he embarrassed his girlfriend a little longer.

his hand reaches up to sol’s hair, sweeping the curls behind her and cutely arranging her fringe the way she likes it. sol blushes as the group ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ in front of them. joon hwi knows she hates being so affectionate in front of her friends, but it’s always fun to tease. sol’s bright red and her face forms the smallest pout. joon hwi knows he’s achieved his mission.

“i’ll see you later.” he says with a wink and walks away, hearing the tease from yebeom and sol squeaking back.

when he’s on stage later, giving his speech, the words fall out of his mouth effortlessly. but the only thing that changes is that his eyes are fixed on the warm brown eyes of sol. as he addresses his late uncle at the end, he pauses and takes a deep breath. sol looks at him and gives him an encouraging nod. he ends his speech, eyes never once leaving her gaze, as the student body claps for him and he takes a bow.

one by one, the students are told to line up and take their certificates on stage from dean oh. she gives the seven graduates a knowing smile when they step on stage, knowing how much they’ve been through, after being swept up by their problems in their first and second years. even after all that, they managed to graduate with excellent results.

when they gather to take their photos (taken by seungjae, who decided to attend their graduation. it was the least he could do to show his support.), joon hwi swears he sees his uncle standing at the rock by the entrance of the school. he swears he sees the knowing silhouette of the tall man, grey hair and his metal spectacles. but what warms him the most is the smile of seo byung ju’s face and the slight nod.

yes, my boy. i’m so proud of you.

with that, joon hwi lets himself smile as seungjae snaps the camera.

(he doesn’t notice his blurred vision from his tears, but rather blames it on the sun hurting his eyes.)

-----

the group takes individual shots of themselves, even jiho and sol b are smiling when their photos are taken. sol doesn’t lose a chance to tease her roomie about her cute smile, one she only reserved for limited situations.

joon hwi watches as his friends spread out across the field to meet their family, sharing the good news of graduation and their new starting jobs. the smiles on the parent’s faces warms his heart deeply, somehow, even though he’s standing alone.

jiho was going to be a prosecutor with joon hwi in their new office. jiho could care less about joon hwi, but he can’t help but admit that it comforted him knowing a familiar face to be in his office in about two weeks. after all, they did share a room for three years.

sol b, against her mother’s wishes, has decided to take a gap year. her mother initially planned for her to continue her training, securing her route to being a judge. but sol b has had enough of her mother’s toxicity. as they went through therapy as a family, sol b had expressed as best as she could her need to discover what she wants for herself, not what her mother wants for her. what she will be doing in her gap year is still undecided, but she has chosen to move out for the time being.

yeseul was going to be in a firm that mostly did cases of women rights. while she initially was hesitant, bokgi encouraged her to take this opportunity, using her experience and her trial as a voice to the other victims. from time to time, she promised professor kim that she would come back to help at the legal clinic.

bokgi, on the other hand, had finally achieved his dream of being a human rights lawyer. while he was upset that he couldn’t work near yeseul, his spirits were immediately lifted when he heard that yebeom was going to be working just at the building across from him, another big law firm. (it was settled that as much as they went through, the bok-beom duo was never to be separated.)

sol, on the other hand, accepted her first job at attorney park’s firm, ironically. just when she had her first internship, she remembers screaming that she would never work with crooked lawyers like him. sol chose to work with him, as a return of the many favours she owes professor yang, starting with the one from high school. it was the most she could do for her role model.

joon hwi observes as he notices the proud faces of mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters, and spots the few sightings of grandparents. somehow, he can’t help but feel a little lonely. his parents, the two individuals he had a short-lived relationship with had long passed. his uncle, the closest thing he had to a father had too passed. he can’t even guess where his aunts or other distant relatives are. his distant relatives probably don’t remember him, and neither does joon hwi.

a small body crashing into him breaks his flow of thoughts, as he looks down to see who it is. byeol wraps her arms around joon hwi’s waist happily and joon hwi breaks into laughter, realising who it is and lifting her before spinning her. she’s giggling in a mess as joon hwi spots sol’s mother and her walking to them.

“ah, hello, mrs kang.” joon hoi greets with formality. sol’s mother playfully smacks his arm with a smile, clearly embarrassed from such formality.

“ah! how many times have i said to not call me that, joon hwi-ah! at this point, you should just call me halmeoni!” she says, earning a big laugh from joon hwi and sol’s face burning with embarrassment.

“umma! don’t say things like this!” sol squeaks back. joon hwi only smiles and insists to call her ‘mrs kang’. byeol is getting introduced to their friends as bokgi and yebeom play a game of tag with her. sol’s mother stands by sol, her hand on her back and her other rubbing joon hwi’s back.

“joon hwi-ah, i hope you know how proud i am of you. sol has told me your own fair share of troubles. i know... you don’t have much of a mother figure in your life, but as your girlfriend’s mother, i hope you know i treat you like my own.” sol’s mother comments to him, holding both his hands in her warm ones. “more than just tutoring my daughter and helping her, you got through your troubles on your own.” joon hwi can only smile as he suppresses the emotions.

“your parents must be so glad to have such a righteous son.”

joon hwi, for a moment, is reminded of his limited memories with his parents. he doesn't remember much, being so young when they died. but how his mother would teach him the importance of kindness and compassion. his father would teach him to be strong, to stand up for the bullies that picked on the poorer kids in his preschool.

hearing his girlfriend’s mother tell him that, he couldn’t help but just pull her into a warm hug. sol joins in from behind, enveloping them with a warm that joon hwi was unable to explain. burying his face into the older woman’s hair, he lets himself be a child, as she rubs his back and holds him lovingly.

for the first time in his life, he finally experiences the warmth of a mother’s hug.

-----

as the field starts clearing out, the seven graduates and seungjae are left behind. their families have gone home, leaving them on the field, laid down in a circle, heads together. there was just silence, as they breathed in the air of hankuk university once more.

once more, as students.

once more, as graduates.

once more, before they step into their next phase.

“i’ll really miss you guys.” sol says quietly. yeseul, lying next to her, nods, although no one can see.

“we’ll meet up. especially you, seungjae-hyung! don’t be shy to ask for babysitters!” bokgi announces, earning a smile from seungjae. they slowly got up from the grass, dusting off the dirt and making their way back once more to the university lobby.

this was the place where these eight students met, all with different objectives and from all walks of life. yet, as different as they are, they got along and went through hell together, for each other. the short lived three years were filled with so many troubles, yet they pulled through together.

truly, they were more than friends. they were family.

seungjae took his leave first, being the family man he was. yebeom had to rush to a family event, and yeseul was going to catch a meal with bokgi. (yeseul promised bokgi to give him a chance once they graduated, and so she kept her promise.) jiho and solb were silently headed off in the same direction with their only conversation being “i’ll drop you off” by jiho and solb nodding. (joon hwi and sol only eye them, making mental notes to tease their ex-roommates.)

“are you going home?” joon hwi asks as sol grabs her bag. after graduating, sol made the decision to move home for the time being, to pay off her loans and support her family and ease her mother of some financial burden. joon hwi has opted many times to help, even wanting to pay off her loans. he had no loans, and after he sold his uncle’s mansion, he had a huge sum of money along with the inheritance. but sol couldn’t do it, she needed to work for this herself.

“yeah. i promised byeol i’ll help her with her work and catch a movie with her too. it’s been long since i could just spend time with her.” sol says. the lobby was now empty, with a few students walking in and out. sol looks at the lady justice statue, almost reminded of the many times she stared at it to remind herself of why she chose law. why she chose this profession.

together, they walk out, holding hands for the first time openly in their school. they were no longer students, and there was no point hiding from others anymore. she was just kang sol; he was just han joon hwi. no more ‘second round judicial pass’, no more ‘uncle killing nephew’, no more ‘klutz’, no more ‘twin failure’. just them.

joon hwi takes the bus to sol’s home, still in the ground floor apartment by an alley. sol’s mother invites him in, but he quickly declines, saying he needs to run some errands back at his own apartment. well, it wasn’t a lie. he just shifted in and he certainly had to clean and unpack.

when the apartment is packed with law books stacked neatly in his bookcase, the floor dusted and mopped, furniture clean and the fridge stocked with fresh groceries, he picks his phone to find seungjae sending the group their photos. there’s numerous comments on how yebeom is already missing us, and even jiho gives a ‘tch’ as a reply in the chat. he notices an unread text from his professor and opens the chat box.

you’re on my speed dial for cases. don’t ignore me.

joon hwi scoffs. he sets his phone aside as he flops back on his bed, for the first time processing all that has happened.

he can’t wait for the future.

(on his wall, he hangs a childhood photo of him and his uncle. on the frame, it has a tag with his daily reminder to judge fairly, and to make sure no one suffers unjustly.)

-----

the next few years for joonhwi are an adventure. his experience in the prosecution office is busy and stressful, but with jiho working just next door, he finds comfort in having him by his side. he battles many cases, slowly but surely, making a name for himself. instead of being known as the man that solved his uncle’s murder, he was now known as the prosecutor that never loses.

the study group kept in touch, meeting every two weeks for dinner at a barbecue place. somedays, they drank. on others, they just chatted and kept the plates of pork coming. seungjae did his best to join, but with his toddler kid, things were difficult.

seungjae took a year after his hearing to be with his wife, and take care of her during her pregnancy. he then decided to work as a forensic examiner. if he couldn't practice law and help people with it, the least he could was to uphold it and enforce it. his job was new and interesting, but he humbled himself to push through his training. he meets the group when they are dealing with criminal cases and helps them out as best he can.

the study group also took turns meeting his kid, and would always love babysitting. sol, as expected, was the best with chaotic duo bokgi and yebeom. instead of dinners some nights, they met at his house to catch up with him and spoil his kid. (seungjae couldn’t stop it. when the kid was born, he immediately gained 7 new aunts and uncles, ready to spoil and pamper him.)

his relationship with sol grew as well. working such long working days was tough, but they tried their best. sol would sometimes deliver homemade stews to his apartment and joon hwi would deliver jjajamyeon with her extra pickles on some nights. they met on the weekends, where they would just go to the park and take strolls or hole up in joon hwi’s apartment to work on their cases together.

sol was doing exceptionally well as a new attorney, almost successfully appealing to all her clients. her clients love her, not only for winning, but for always being so caring to them. many say she still keeps in contact with some clients, even after the case has been closed. while she thinks it is no big deal, sol’s career was climbing up. her loans were fully paid, and she has begun looking into apartments for her family and her to shift out of. that alley brought too much danger, especially with byeol growing into a teenager and her mother’s joints weakening.

sol b took that gap year to work at an administrative office at a law firm, before deciding to continue her law career to gain experience before moving forward to be a judge. throughout the gap year, she split her time on herself and therapy, as well as on her study group. she found herself wanting to be a judge, not for her mother, but for herself.

jiho and sol b also started dating each other shortly after they graduated, when joon hwi spotted sol b and jiho holding hands when he was leaving his office. they only told the group a few months later. but of course, everyone knew by then. ever since then, they caught sol b and jiho smiling a bit more, even if their smiles were just the slight curl at the corner of the lips.

yebeom was doing well in his law firm, handling mostly small cases, but he was content since he had a fun time handling the many cases and making visits to meet clients instead of being stuck in the office. bokgi was a human rights lawyer, with most of his cases about the discrimination of citizens in any aspect. he fought for the rights of those of different sexual orientations, races and religions and was extremely happy being able to do that.

yeseul was defending women of all walks of life, from their unequal treatment to domestic abuse. she was passionate and has made headlines a few times over the years when she chose to speak out about her story. she was well known in this area, being the first few lawyers to be a victim of domestic abuse and defending them. she also kept in contact with professor kim and made regular visits at the legal clinic.

bokgi and her only started dating a year after the graduated. bokgi respected the reasons and her space and yeseul found herself falling in love with him. after all, he stood by her all this while for the whole three years and have seen her at her worst. more than that, he treated her with respect and loved her equally, even after all that.

one day, as joon hwi and sol spent their day on the sofa at joon hwi’s apartment, joon hwi was nervous to ask this question. sol was busy looking at different apartment listings.

“sol, can i ask you something?” joon hwi asks, grabbing her hand. sol nodded, eyes still focussed on her screen.

“would you... would you want to move in with me?” sol’s hand stops scrolling as the words sink in and she slowly faces her boyfriend.

“i... i don’t know. i mean, byeol and umma will be left alone, right?” sol says, her voice quiet and soft.

“we can live near them. i think the lease of the apartment is ending soon, anyways.” joon squeezes her hand.

“but... i don’t know if i have enough money to get an apartment for them and us. joon, i really want to, i really do. but...” sol’s eyes are uncertain, and joon hwi sees her eyes guilty, almost like she feels bad for saying that.

“we can get the apartment in instalments. you can buy one for your mom and byeol first and we will slowly pay for ours.” he says. placing a finger under her chin, he raises it so her eyes meet hers. “sol, they are going to be alright on their own.”

sol nods her head and reaches up to pull her boyfriend’s face to hers, letting their lips connect. his lips are soft against hers, as she taste the slight coffee taste from his mug. it’s almost frenzy, from what started as a simple kiss lead to a fight for dominance. without knowing, sol is straddling joon hwi, as his hands pull back her long hair.

when they pull away, he feels her hot breath on his face, and her face burning red, embarrassed at how she acted.

“should we get back to looking at apartments?” joon hwi asks, a small smile on his face, ultimately an act of tease to her. she quickly nods and climbs off of him as they look at apartments together. joon hwi gives her a knowing smirk, before sol swats his arm and they resume scrolling.

and it was true, when professor yang had him on speed dial.

he was just about to leave for a coffee and bother jiho for a bit at his office one day, when a call came in from professor yang.

“han joon hwi.”

“professor.”

“you’re needed, now. meet me at hankuk university in thirty minutes.” and the call disengages. it was a habit of his professor’s, to give blunt replies and just cut off without saying goodbye. he slips on his blazer and grabs his briefcase before picking up the call from sol instinctively. so much for listening to orders, even though he wasn’t a student anymore.

“called you too?” he asks once he picks up, scribbling on a post it note, noting his early leave from the office.

“what else? gosh, i really hate it when he hangs up like that.” sol replies, a twinge of annoyance in her voice.

“i’ll pick you.” joon hwi says, as he leaves his office, then knocks on jiho’s door. jiho’s head pops up from his laptop, before nodding in acknowledgement.

“no, don’t bother. i’ve already caught the train.” sol replies and joon hwi hears the familiar beeping of train doors. sol knows she’s got to hang up soon, if she doesn’t want to irritate other commenters on the train.

“love you.” he says back. sol’s face is blushing red, but she’s lucky everyone on the train was busy on their phone.

“i love you too.” she whispers before hanging up and storing her phone away in her handbag.

when they meet at the doors of hankuk university each time they are called in for a case, they can’t help but to think of how far they’ve come. sol, the girl with bad grades and on a scholarship. joon hwi, the top student with a hidden secret. yet in a matter of years, they blossomed together with their friends on their routes.

professor yang is by the lady justice statue, and when he looks up to see his students stroll in with authority and confidence, he gives a knowing smile.

shall we start?

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 1

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello’s masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite, who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310, @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria. Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 1806

Additional note: I'm afraid I'll disappoint some of you. No more newspapers... The articles defined the setting of the story. From now on, it'll be a regular fic.

Hope you enjoy it nevertheless 🙂

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June 2021

Ivar yawns, rubbing his eyes, when he suddenly hears the front door open. The next moment, Ubbe shouts, "Hey baby bro, we're home!"

Slightly confused, Ivar looks at the time on his computer. Stunned, he blinks repeatedly, shakes his head and checks the time again, now looking at his watch. "Guess I lost track of time," he mumbles as he realizes it's really 5:30 pm. He clears his throat. "I'm coming!"

Yawning once more, he wheels to the kitchen. Hvitserk waves at him with one hand as Ubbe greets him with a grin and Sigurd... Well, Sigurd ignores him, as usual.

"Hello boys!" Lagertha smiles as she also enters the kitchen. "Did you go to the beach this afternoon?" It's a rethorical question, since sand can be seen on the tanned skin of his brothers, shirtless and wearing only swimming shorts.

When she looks down at him, her smile becomes softer. "Ivar, you seem tired. Did you work all day long?"

He nods, glad that for once she called him by his first name and not by one of those stupid nicknames that she likes but that make his skin crawl.

"Yep," he shrugs without smiling back, "I made good progress. The new version of your website is almost done. It could probably be online by the end of the week."

His stepmom flashes him a beaming smile. "Great, thanks!"

The conversation then moves on to the subject that everyone in Kattegat has been talking about for the last few days: the midsummer party thrown by their neighbor Harald Hårfager. Every June, it is Kattegat's not-to-be-missed event, to which every resident hopes to be invited.

Lagertha is invited every year, yet rarely attends; his brothers wouldn't miss it, not in a million years; Ivar never went.

He listens with half an ear as his brothers prattle on about the upcoming party, while taking a seat at the large, wooden kitchen table on which Lagertha has just put cakes and drinks.

"What are you going to wear?"

"Do you think Marit will attend this year?"

"Hopefully the music will be better than last year."

"Can't be as bad! What was the name of that reggae band?"

For a fleeting moment, Ivar entertains the thought of attending as well. Not that he's dying to, but… Sometimes, he feels a little bit like Cinderella in this house.

Don't get him wrong, it's not that bad.

First, his stepmom is not–

Wait, wait, wait, is Lagertha technically his stepmom? He's not sure. After all, she wasn't when his parents were alive, she was just his father's first wife. Anyway, she may be his guardian now, but he sees her as his stepmom and he honestly doesn’t give a shit if it's a little weird.

Where was he? Oh yes, Cinderella.

So obviously, Lagertha is not a wicked, haughty and abusive stepmom like this Lady Tremaine of the fairytale.

Actually, even if it pisses him off to admit it, she's pretty nice, patient and composed. Does he love her? Let's not exaggerate – he doesn't. She may love him though, which is a little bit uncanny, if he's being honest. He was the favorite son of her nemesis. Shouldn't she hate him? He would, if the situation was reversed.

The truth is, when he was younger, he tried, he really tried to hate her, blaming her for everything and anything. When too much pain prevented him from sleeping, he let his imagination run wild. There, bound to his bed of suffering, he could see Lagertha cutting the brakes on his mother's car, causing her crash, causing her death.

Of course, even then, he knew deep down that Lagertha had not killed his mother; that the story he told himself was just the product of his endless nights of insomnia. But what can he say? He needed this. Because blaming Lagertha rather than admitting that his beloved mother was at fault – by being distracted, or by falling asleep, he'll never know – was easier for the heartbroken boy he was.

Anyway... So yes, Lagertha is definitely not an evil stepmother like Cinderella's.

Also, he doesn't sleep on a sorry garret, on a wretched straw bed either.

Actually, he has a very large room on the main floor, with a king-size memory foam bed, a walk-in – well, a wheel-in for his case – closet and his own, huge bathroom, fully equipped for his special needs.

Sure, the bathroom and the dressing room were already there when his parents were alive; however, the memory foam mattress had been Lagertha's idea.

Anyway... So yes, he can't exactly complain about his sleeping conditions, unlike Cinderella.

And obviously, he's not forced into servitude.

Actually, one might think so, but no, he's not. Sure, sometimes he works for his stepmom, like today. But so do his brothers. When she had taken them in, she was a powerful businesswoman, working twelve to fourteen hours a day. Once she had become their guardian, she had rearranged her working time and learned to delegate; but even so, she had often run out of time. Therefore, it had seemed normal to them – yes, even to him – to help her out, each of them according to their skills and abilities.

So, while Hvitserk almost always does the grocery shopping, while Sigurd vacuums and does the laundry, while Ubbe mows the lawn and trim the bushes, he, Ivar, runs her company's website and sometimes even does the accounting. And since he loves computers and numbers, it's not exactly a problem.

Anyway... So yes, he's not a slave in this house. Unlike Cinderella.

So, yes, to sum it up, he can't really complain and he's by far not Cinderella. And he knows it.

But... Yes, there's a but...

Sometimes, he feels trapped, as poor Cinderella must have felt.

Sometimes he feels like a spectator of a life he doesn't belong to.

Sure, he doesn't have to be homeschooled – but gods, he's glad he is. The reasons for him to be continuously bullied by classmates are endless. The simplest ones being: he is a cripple, an orphan, the son of a dead mob boss, the smartest one in the whole damn school, let alone his class. Take your pick. It's no fun, no fun at all. Being home alone is preferable to that alternative.

Therefore, barely leaving the house except for medical appointments, he has no friends. He doesn't do sports either – obviously – and yeah, he lives a lonely life, filled with video games and Netflix series. And he's okay with that. Well, most of the time.

Sure, his brothers, or at least Ubbe and Hvitserk, always try to include him as much as possible. But the truth is that because of his legs, there are many, many things he just can't do.

And the other truth, the less pleasant one, is that he partially did that to himself. He cut himself off from a world that hurt him, yet he still misses this world sometimes. At times, he blames himself. Because his life, honestly, is hardly what you would call a life, is it? Not when you're sixteen.

That's why sometimes, like now, he feels this longing, almost a need, to live. To really, truly, fully live. And that's why, for a brief moment, lulled by the light chitchat of his brothers, he considers attending Harald's midsummer party.

But he knows better. This life is not for him, never has been, never will be.

And so, shaking his head, he chases the thought away and, placing his hands on his push rims, he's about to leave the kitchen while the incessant babbling of his brothers goes on.

"I can't wait."

"Don't tell me! As every year, the most beautiful girls of Kattegat will be there."

"Remember that burger food truck? Best burgers ever!"

"I've heard Y/N would be attending this year."

"There'll be booze and girls! Sounds like Valh–"

Wait. His mind goes blank.

Fuck.

What? Did he hear right?

As he replays his brother's words in his head, it's like there's an earthquake happening inside of him.

Fuck.

He stops breathing. Blinks, then clamps his eyes shut.

Fuck.

When he finally manages to draw air into his lungs, he swallows loudly before asking in a weird, high-pitched voice, his heart pounding in his chest, "What– What did you say, brother?"

Hvitserk turns his head toward him and shrugs. "I just said there'll be boo–"

"No, not you!" Ivar snaps at his brother, pointing his pointer finger at Ubbe. "You, what did you fucking say?" Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lagertha frowning – 'no curse words in this house, boys'– and even if he barely contains an eye roll, he still mouths a quick 'sorry' at her before rewording his question, impatience coursing through him. "What did you say, dear brother? Who did you say would attend?"

Stunned, Ubbe looks at him with wide eyes. "Y/N? I said Y/N would come. That's what I heard anyway. She's Harald's niece. She was here once, right? Remember her, baby bro, huh?"

But Ivar is no longer listening, the blood draining from his face. Y/N... Y/N... Fuck. Finally. Fucking finally. After so long... He may see you again. Wow.

I'll go! I'll fucking go!

He barely contains the words, suddenly acutely aware of the deafening silence in the room, his brothers shamelessly staring at him.

With her brows furrowed and her lips turned downward in a slight frown, Lagertha takes two steps forwards before crouching down in front of him. "Are you all right, sweetie? You're a little pale."

He barely hears when Sigurd giggles, "A little pale? He's greener than an alien!"

Lagertha shoots Sigurd a dirty look and then gently cups Ivar's cheek. "Do you know her, Ivar? Do you know Y/N?"

Overwhelmed, self-conscious, freaked out, caught off-guard, he doesn't know how to respond. Should he tell the truth? Should he lie? His brothers will mock him, for sure. What is the point of telling the truth? What good would it do? On the other hand, he could really use some advice. Yeah. Sure. Advice from Sigurd. Just the thought of it is enough to make him sick. Fuck, what is he going to do?

Rushed words are out of his mouth before he can even gather his thoughts. "No. No. I don't. I mean, yes, I think I do but–" He's being pathetic and he hates it. So after a sharp intake of breath, he shakes his head and eventually replies in a flat, calm voice, the white lie rolling off his tongue. "I know her, but I thought Ubbe was talking about someone else. Sorry."

With these words, he hastily leaves the room, his eyes riveted on his knees, his heart still drumming in his chest.

Y/N. Fuck.

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Ivar's taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings