#why do I have so many hormone issues now that I think about it???

[sharklovingaquarist]

My experiences with animal sciences and how practices within them signal issues with women's health. Another long one, sorry ya'll

So someone reblogged my post about the OBGYN field saying that animals in America are treated better than women. What a coincidence that I ran into this issue today! So I was in veterinary science for four years in high school. I had a vet assistant certification and was in the FFA (Future Farmers of America). And when I tell you this inference is not too far off, I mean it. I wouldn't say they're treated better, but the general attitude towards the female body is very much more visible, they dont try to hide it with animals. You can also see connections in many practices. When I got into it, there was also a slight uncomfortable tinge when our class came to reproduction and reproductive techniques that always targeted the female body. Well, first when we looked at endocrine systems, the male was always described as existing for himself. Testosterone was for muscles and strength. But with female, her endocrine was always surrounded with sex and offspring. Estrogen was for going into heat and "being impregnated". Progesterone was to "support a fetus" not help her survive a pregnancy. This really does connect back to the female body being seen as the reproductive tool of the male body. The sole focus in fertility. We still don't even know much about the female endocrine seperate from the focus on offspring. And that goes onto practices. Vaginal speculums, inducing estrus, artificial "insemination", much more. I dont wanna say too much, but my school bred animals. Once they talked about how they induced one of the animals into an estrus by implanting a hormonal device in the cervix. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, because they never do that to male bodies to increase sperm quality. At most they collected sperm from a male animal, but usually willingly.

So what happened today? I shop on chewy for my pets, and I saw estradiol for animals. I was confused at first and wondered why someone would need that, but I remembered how animals are induced. So I clicked hoping it wasn't the case. Nope that's the case. However when you read further you see there's actually some benefits to estradiol for some individuals. So let's analyze this.

The first thing you see in description is: "Estradiol is used to induce estrus, a state of sexual receptivity during which the female will accept the male and is capable of conceiving."

So let's address how using estrogen for this purpose is just really weird. Excess estrogen can cause a lot of health issues, most notably (to me at least) CANCER. Animals go into estrus on their own. Also let's talk about "will accept the male". So sexual selection doesn't exist anymore? That's the thing with this crowd. They see female hormones as something robotic. They think estrus makes females bend over to any male they find. And again, why is there almost never something for males to decrease chances of sperm deformity?

Ok let's go down to uses: "Estradiol can be used to enhance estrus behavior and receptivity in ovariectomized mares and aid mares with estrogen-responsive urinary incontinence."

So they're saying you use this product to increase estrus symptoms in mares who have had their ovaries removed. Why? Fuck if I know. Could be behavioral, I doubt surrogacy due to a lack of ovaries (most responsible for hormone synthesis). So Imma go to the next part. When you get to the bottom you see that it helps urinary issues. So now we are FINALLY at the part where it actually benefits a female body and not just making a female into a breeding machine. So it does have a benefit, it can help female animals with incontinence! It's just that they are valued as production rather than a living being

Finally we get to precautions: "Estradiol is contraindicated during pregnancy as it can cause fetal malformations of the genitourinary system and induce bone marrow depression in the fetus. Estradiol cypionate should not be used to treat estrogen-responsive incontinence in small animals."

So I was actually kinda surprised they explained why (AND TESTED) why a hormone/medication shouldn't be used during pregnancy! Usually, with animals, they actually admit they never tested it with pregnant animals, of which I suspect to be the same with humans. They'd rather just say "yeah uh don't take it" instead of actually paying attention to female bodies, because again you are just a vessel. Also the fact that they never test how medications effect male reproduction, thats something that carries onto humans aswell. They would never limit a man even if he causes issues to another human. Anyways, my reasoning as to why they actually knew this time comes down to them paying close attention to female hormones... but only when it comes into play with a fetus. Trust, they know ALLLLLLL about the female body- WHEN ITS ABOUT A FETUS THOUGH! And again we see the death and malformation of a fetus as a negative for the fetus and not the female. They don't mention how this situation could ALSO effect the female animal. I would assume natural abortion would take place, which is dangerous. The thing is they'll study the effects on a fetus not a living breathing female. And throughout my experience with animals, I've learned that a reproductive adult will always be more valued by nature than a fetus. The health of your parent animal dictates success the most. However you always hear about how to stay pregnant or support fetal growth, the best thing to focus on is FEMALE HEALTH. We aren't vessels. However humans seem to have that twisted. I'll get into that on another post with prenatal vitamins.

So take what you want from this and run, if you've even gotten this far. I know it was long. Im still in science, just non-mammalian. I am by no means a professional but I feel the need to put my feelings out there. To all the feminists in medical or any other biological sciences, I wish you luck. Shit is so tiring.

[sintanic]

you call it mentally and chronically ill, I call it getting most out of the 130€/month I pay for health insurance taxes 😎

[xxchromies]

Admittedly the way people talk about motherhood makes me a bit sad. Both in the world at large and on here. It's true that as women we have essentially been treated as incubators and the natural capability of our bodies was/is exploited and used to keep us in line. But I really do think that motherhood, carrying and raising children, is beautiful and something to be appreciated. We literally have the power to create life and men don't. True, not all women can give birth but anyone who can give birth is a woman. And while I capitulate that we used to be treated like incubators in the past, some people use this term to even describe pregnancies that are wanted. And I think it's a bit misogynistic to compare something as cold and machine-like as an incubator to something women are naturally able to do. It feels objectifying.

I feel like a lot of radical feminists talk about pregnancy as if it were a travesty. As if you've become corrupted by an evil force. I know that pregnancy can have a serious impact on a woman's body but sometimes I feel like the way people talk about pregnancy on here is misogynistic towards women who want to be pregnant. I don't think it's really that progressive to talk about something that women's bodies are naturally able to do as if it were some sort of curse. Many of us see it that way because men used to use our reproductive capabilities as a way to control us, and still do to an extent. We can't stoop to their level. It's not inherently a bad thing.

I've also noticed that a lot of societal messaging seems to imply that pregnancy is an inferior state. Both misogynists and radical feminists talk about it as if it means your life is over. That you're nothing more than a mother now. That you've been defeated by the patriarchy. And while I understand that the feminist perspective is different (it's critiquing the misogynist perspective), I've never really seen radical feminists try to empower mothers or talk about how we can change the way society views motherhood. A lot of them seem to think no women should be mothers at all. Motherhood is just going to be a part of our reality. We're living things and it's in our nature to reproduce. It is ultimately a choice but human nature is powerful. Antinatalism is not going to happen, sorry. And I feel like pregnancy is mocked. Women are mocked for things like morning sickness and cravings. Pregnant women often aren't taken seriously because of their "hormones". There's a reason why so many people find m-preg so humorous.

In many ways it does suck to be a mother, but that's because of societal issues. I do believe it's misogynistic to denigrate the concept or pregnancy as a whole. I'll never believe that something women's bodies are naturally able to do cannot coexist with female liberation.

[genderqueerdykes]

trans men and women learn a lot from each other when we get close and it's a wonderful thing. it's okay to be dysphoric about manhood. it's okay to be dysphoric about womanhood. it's okay to not like he/him pronouns, to not like she/her pronouns. it's okay to not like how strangers gender you. it's okay to talk about these things with each other, to share mutual disgust, to see how it affects one another and how it shapes our identities and experiences.

it's okay to talk about the things that make you uncomfortable together. it's not invalidating each other's experiences to have conversations like saying "i'm so tired of being seen as a man no matter what, and being around people who treat me like a man" to a trans man and having the trans man respond by saying "i feel the same way about people who treat me like a woman" and agree to not project one's trauma on to the other

it's okay to be vulnerable. it's okay to admit when we don't understand certain parts of each others experiences, too. we do NOT have to act like experts and like we've "read the book" on what another person's gender is. even if we think we know a lot about that gender, we don't know everything, because we don't know everyone. literally. it's okay to go "i don't understand, but I'll call you whatever you identify as." and be receptive without knowing exactly what they mean.

we don't understand many things in life. that's fine. it's okay to just listen and not talk for once. you don't have to try to speak as though you've lived as a trans man when you're a trans women, and you don't have to speak for trans women if you're a trans man. we are allowed to advocate for our own experiences and simultaneously listen to other queer experiences and respect their boundaries, spaces, and needs.

there is a lot to learn about the challenges that trans women face, the unique struggles that come with some being raised as boys and the troubles that come with that, being seen as a feminine boy, being subjected to homophobia- getting called faggots and other slurs. some were raised as girls, some are intersex, and some are afab or other birth sexes, and the mixing of masculinity and femininity and cause a lot of issues when it comes to how society treats that person

there are lots of conversations that have to be listened to when it comes to the transmasculine experience and how nobody but transmasc people can articulate what it's like to live as a transmasculine person. no one can speculate on it, because it is such a unique experience. it is a complicated matter of several different types of prejudice that no one else can quite understand where it comes from and how it feels unless they've been there

it is so deeply rooted in misogyny, where people treat us like "stupid, confused women," like we're "destroying children" that we're 'destroying our bodies', that our hormones make us "unstable, irritable and emotional," and that we are unreliable narrators. we get called hysterical. we get told we're "ruining a pretty girl" or wasting our "pretty" features. we get lectured about how we need to be attractive and how testosterone will ruin that by our own parents. we get told we can't dress masc because it will make us "ugly" or "butch" or "dykes".

people hate it when we bind our breasts, cut our hair, hide our curves, change our gait, and stop wearing makeup. they lose a "girl" to ogle and become enraged, upset or uncomfortable. while the transmasc person is trying to navigate life in a way where they don't feel objectified, it becomes a matter of even worse objectification because now antimasculism is introduced into the mix and the experience becomes transandrophobia.

people are so hateful and bitter toward manhood and masculinity. people ask us "why would you EVER want to be a man? NOBODY wants to be a man." they tell us "men are ugly, violent, and mean." people tell us that men are sexual predators, that they're inherently abusive. people tell us that testosterone makes people ugly. they tell us that men aren't or can't be queer. they tell us we can't be a feminine man. they tell us we can't be men at all, that transmasculinity isn't even a thing, that transmanhood isn't a thing. we even get told that the only way to be trans is to be transfeminine, and what we are experiencing is a delusion, hysteria, or a result of us being hormonal from being on our periods and/or HRT.

when we listen to each others' experiences we realize how people who are othered by society are treated. we learn that not only we experiencing this, but so is everyone around us. we do not have to try to make one side's experience more important than another's. we can hold each other up by having conversations and being vulnerable about what's going on, how we're being treated, how we want to be treated, and how the community is failing us and how we can do better.

we deserve to have conversations. there's a lot to learn, a lot to laugh about, a lot to relate to, and a lot to be curious about. these conversations are good to have. it's good to admit when you know nothing about transmasculinity or transfemininity or any other identity. it's okay to ask respectful questions. it's okay to tell people when you appreciate their identities, and them explaining it to you. it's okay to just listen. it really is. we have to learn to listen it's not something that can be avoided perpetually for life. listening to someone else's conversation does not erase yours, it does not take it away from the equation. they exist together.

[hiiragi7]

Exercise: Exposing intersexism in yourself

Perisex (non-intersex) people please take time to work through this. I'd also appreciate if you reblogged, even if you don't have time to do the exercise.

When you think of an 'intersex body', what comes to mind?

-Do you think of a stereotypical "hermaphrodite"? (Ex. a penis + vagina, a penis + pair of breasts, a very feminine person with a beard)

Do you, or have you ever, used one of the following arguments;

-Intersex people are living proof that trans people exist/that gender/sex is not binary

-Intersex existing disproves everything TERFs/transphobes believe in

-Cis kids with hormone issues are allowed to take HRT or participate in sports, which is hypocritical against trans people

-Nobody is forcing kids into sex reassignment surgery or hormones, that isn't a thing that happens

-Any kind of argument which uses intersex people as a statistic, whether that is framing intersex people existing as either "common" or "rare"

Do you, or have you ever, said any of the following statements;

-Technically I'm biologically intersex now because I took HRT/had surgery, which makes me biologically nonbinary aka intersex

-I tell people that I am intersex/have a hormone condition to avoid discrimination

-I wish I was born as/could become intersex, it would help my dysphoria a lot

-Intersex people are so lucky because they're already biologically nonbinary, they don't even need to transition

-This animal was born with a mix of sex characteristics/without a sex/developed characteristics of the opposite sex over time, which means they're nonbinary/trans

When it comes to sex, do you;

-Believe that sex is binary

-Believe that all intersex people are infertile

-Believe that all intersex people produce both sperm and egg

-Fantasize about intersex bodies, or consume or create porn that displays either intersex bodies or exaggerated stereotypes of hermaphroditic bodies

-Ask invasive questions about what genitals or reproductive organs an intersex person has

-Treat AFAB/AMAB the same as "[non-medically-transitioned] perisex female/perisex male", such as saying "AFAB anatomy" when you really mean vulva, vagina, uterus, ovaries, breasts, and so on

-Believe that HRT/surgery makes you intersex

-Believe that intersex only covers certain types of variation in sex and not others (Ex. Counting ovotestes, CAIS, and CAH as intersex but not counting PCOS or Klinefelter's)

When it comes to creating (artwork, writing, videos, etc), do you;

-Wish to include an intersex character, but do little or no research on how to write/draw them

-Fail to consider how your work will affect real-life intersex people consuming your work

-Ask random intersex people to help you create an intersex character

-Wish to include an intersex character because you personally think intersex people are interesting, or because you are seeking to include as many marginalized identities as you can

-Create intersex characters because you personally find them sexy

-Refer to characters as "hermaphrodites"

-If you create pride artwork or sell pride artwork, if you include a large variety of other LGBT+ identities but do not include intersex, why is this?

When it comes to advocacy work, do you;

-Fail to bring up intersex issues in conversations which should directly involve them, such as the Kansas bathroom bill

-Attempt to push intersex people out of queer spaces by saying that they are not queer

-Fail to recognize or acknowledge how many anti-queer and anti-trans arguments are inherently also anti-intersex arguments

-Say that intersex people are just "collateral damage" or "just caught in the crossfire/targeted by mistake" when it comes to discussing discrimination

-Never think to bring intersex flags or pins or similar to pride even as an ally, contributing to pride being vastly void of intersex pride

-Never attempt to organize protests specifically for intersex rights, or never bring intersex issues up in LGBTQIA+ support groups or resource centers or online

-Never educate others on intersex issues or lift up intersex voices

-Believe that intersex people have more rights than other marginalized groups, or that they are not discriminated against for being intersex

-Believe that all intersex people who are discriminated against are only discriminated against because people believe that they are transgender

Now, not all of these will point towards you being intersexist; however, if you find yourself hitting several points listed here, you do likely have some internalized biases and intersexism to unpack.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my mom I don't like it when she slaps my ass? potential tw

so I (22 trans m) currently live with my mom (65), and I've always had issues with how she interacts with my body. today she woke me up to try on a pair of pants I bought yesterday before she washed them, and I asked her if she could stop staring at me while I took my pajama pants off to try on the jeans. she pushed back and laughed it off saying it didn't matter, so I had to change in front of her cause she refused to leave the room. this has happened many times before where she insists on watching me change, even when I'm completely naked, despite me asking her not to.

I put the pants on and she immediately comes over to inspect how they fit for herself, tugging on the waistband and looking them over, then promptly slaps my ass. I immediately recoil and tell her I didn't like it and I want her to stop, and she scoffs and rolls her eyes at the suggestion. I tell her it's weird because we've had this conversation before since her slapping my ass is a frequent occurrence, and like usual, she insists there's nothing weird about it because she's my mother and she isn't doing it to be sexual. when she does this, she usually says, "I birthed that ass, so I'm allowed to slap that ass if I want to." I tried to tell her that I'n an adult and I should be allowed to tell her when I don't like something she does to me, and I was visibly pissed off and kicked her out of my room to go back to bed.

I could hear her in the other room walking around saying loudly, "ohh, so I'M aaaaalways the problem. I'm the problem, of course," in like a mocking tone because she clearly thinks I'm in the wrong. I know she's an asshole for a lot of other reasons (she's pretty transphobic and doesn't respect my name, pronouns, or that I'm on hormones, and she frequently takes out her anger issues on me by yelling at me if I even look at her wrong when she's mad), but this one has been bothering me a lot since I moved back home after college (I'm also unemployed and wouldn't be able to move out for a while despite already wanting to get away from her)

for further context, she's always had a specific way of interacting with my body that I think is weird but she refuses to see it. she insisted on personally bathing me into middle school, then continued to say that I needed her help to shower correctly even up to now, so she frequently walks into my bathroom or bedroom when I'm entirely naked and will look my body over and I'm not a fan of it. she also still tries to force her way into changing rooms if we go shopping together so that she can have the final say in how I look in clothes, and she never even wants to turn around or wait outside while I strip.

I've tried to get her to stop before but she keeps doing it, insisting that she's my mother so she's allowed to, even though I'm an adult who hasn't lived with her for the past four years and is very autonomous, so it's not like she still does everything for me. she also pushes back and says that if I think it's weird then it must mean I've been assaulted before and that's why I don't like it when she touches me. I'm also autistic and don't like frequent hugs or any kind of touching and she doesn't like it when I tell her to stop doing that too, but her slapping my ass and insisting on seeing me naked is the stuff that really bothers me, the rest I tolerate just so I don't have to argue with her all the time.

I've asked friends before if they think it's weird she does this, but she's so insistent that she should be able to touch me whenever and however she wants just because she's my mom and that she can look at me naked because she birthed me and has seen me naked before, so why is it different now that I'm a full on adult. I honestly don't know who's in the wrong for this specific thing and if I'm over exaggerating like my mom says I am, but I'm so sick of her touching me when I tell her not to that I needed to poll answers, so:

am I the asshole for telling my mom to stop slapping my ass and insisting on looking at me while I'm naked despite being an adult and asking her not to?

[charmedreincarnation]

Everything EFT tapping

EFT Taping, or Emotional Freedom Technique taping, is a popular psychotherapy technique used to reprogram the subconscious mind. This technique involves gently tapping with the fingertips on various meridian points on the body while focusing on a specific issue or problem.

Intro video here.

Anyways By engaging in this type of tapping, the practitioner is using energy work to help clear the energy blockages that are causing the negative thoughts and emotions in the subconscious mind. This helps to release the stuck energy and to create new pathways in the brain to create positive feelings and thoughts.

When doing EFT tapping, it is important to make sure you are in a relaxed state before beginning. If you are feeling anxious, angry or overwhelmed it will be difficult to tap correctly. It is also important to keep in mind what you want to focus on while tapping. This might be an emotion, a trauma or a memory, or even a physical sensation.

To do EFT tapping correctly, you should start by locating your meridian points. These points can be found on your body, including your temples, eyes, chin, shoulders, and chest. Then, take your fingertips and lightly tap on each meridian point while focusing on your desired outcome or intention.

Be sure to use calming language when doing EFT tapping and repeat positive affirmations in your head while tapping. During this process you can visualize yourself letting go of any negative emotions associated with your intention. Visualize a feeling of calming, contentment, and relaxation in their place.

As you continue to tap and repeat the affirmations and visualizations, observe any changes that you feel within your body or mind. With each tap, move closer and closer to a state of balance and reconnection within yourself.

EFT taping is a powerful tool for reprogramming the subconscious mind, as it helps to clear out the negative energy stuck within the body and allowing it to be replaced with positive feelings and intentions. As you continue to practice EFT taping regularly, you will begin to experience more clarity, balance and emotional freedom within your life

So how can this help you with manifesting?

By using EFT tapping you can access areas of emotional and energetic blocks in your body and mind and release them. This can help you create space for new energy, energy that is aligned with your deepest desires.

So how does it work? To start, identify the core issue or belief you’d like to release like a fear of success or a lack of self-confidence. For example with manifesting, do you think you can’t manifest, or you don’t deserve to.. make your phrase relinquishing yourself if that mentality.

Create a reminder phrase to tap along with like “ I release my doubt of the void ”(Or whatever you think is holding you back or you want.) Now you’re ready to start tapping. We’ll talk more about how to do that in a minute, but first let’s understand why this works.

It’s thought that tapping encourages your body to release natural “feel-good” hormones like serotonin and endorphins which can help to create a new emotional baseline. It’s believed that this helps create an environment where you can more easily shift your vibration and attract more of what you want into your life.

Now let’s go over the actual tapping process. Take your dominant hand and use your index and middle fingers to tap five to seven times on each of the nine key meridian points on your body - starting at the top of your head, down the side of your body and ending at the top of your torso. Repeat your reminder phrase out loud and feel into the emotions and sensations in your body.

When you’re finished, take a few moments to breathe deeply and give yourself permission to release any emotions or limiting beliefs that may have come up. This completes one round of EFT tapping. If you feel called, repeat the process for as many rounds as necessary until your emotion subsides or releases completely.

It doesn’t even have to be used for manifesting only. You can use it to help your anxiety, help receive money, feel mental clarity, and whatever else you may desire, at the time of the tapping !!!

Good luck <333

[johannestevans]

Hi, as an intersex trans masc person I was just wondering if I could ask/clarify a couple things about your posts about being referred to as "afabs"

This is entirely out of a desire to better understand other perspectives so I'm sorry if its a bother, it isn't intended that way

Is it that you generally dislike being referred to as afab because it references a gender that is not your identity, or is it specifically it being used as a noun that causes the issue?

If it is the noun issue, could I ask if you can elaborate on why?

I was under the impression that afab/amab were useful and accepted ways to refer to someone's physical sex at birth, which is what is relevant in discussion about pregnancy etc. Have I misinterpreted something here?

(I'm also autistic so idk if I've missed some tone issue or sarcasm or implication here, I'm just trying to understand better so I don't offend others)

I hope you're doing well and thanks for your time x

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "PHYSICAL SEX".

And even if there were, right?

Calling me an "AFAB", the implication is meant to be that BECAUSE I was assigned female at birth and had ~female parts~, that means I must have ~female parts~ now, as if these things don't change with time and hormones and surgery, as if because I was erroneously described as female, I am the same physically as I was as an infant, and therefore I share in common everything with anyone else who was also described as female at birth, erroneously or otherwise.

Of course anything to do with being "female" isn't my fucking identity, as a man.

AFAB and AMAB stand for Assigned Female at Birth and Assigned Male at Birth.

Being assigned male or female was an event that happened in the past. I was also a fucking baby at birth. I'm not a baby now, am I? Just because I was an infant then doesn't mean you would prefer to me as an ex-infant or previously an infant. That has 0 bearing on my identity as an adult. It's bizarre to bring it up.

AMAB and AFAB are perfectly useful terms to describe that specific event - the event at birth when you were assigned a sex, incorrect or otherwise.

What relevance or frankly, business, is it of anyone's what sex a ten-year-old was assigned at birth? A twenty-year-old? A forty-year-old? A seventy-year-old?

There are loads of trans people who never went through the wrong puberty, and have had various surgeries. There are plenty of trans people who have been stealth since they were kids, where many of the people around them never had any idea they were trans and/or intersex, and they just went through the puberties they were most comfortable with.

There is no "AFAB" or "AMAB" experience that is universal to everyone based on what sex they were assigned at birth. That is a lie, it is a fiction, and it's not even a convincing once if you actually talk to a variety of other trans and intersex people. Words to the contrary are generally just based in gender essentialist ideology.

What does it have to do with anything, except that some freaks basically still think of assigned sex at birth as what you "really" are, or having a big impact on your current identity in perpetuity?

In a few years, the abilities of surgeons around uterine transplants will have improved. Within twenty years, I expect we'll see more trans women having pregnancies, and in general more people carrying pregnancies after having womb transplants and other organ transplants.

Just say "people who can get pregnant". Just say "people carrying pregnancies" and "pregnant people".

Stop trying to imagine that someone's ~femaleness~ or ~maleness~ is what the crux of the matter is here. Stop trying to project the male and female """"""biological""""" bullshit onto people when it doesn't apply to them.

There is no such thing as universal biological or physical sex under male and female categories, let alone shared experiences based on those categories.

Just eliminate that shit from your mind. It's a fucking cancer.

[bagopucks]

T. Zegras - It’s An Off Day

✄————————————

Trevor Zegras x Reader

Requested✨

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: Itsy bitsy fighting, jokes and implication of sex

I rewatched the Sandbaggers video today with Zig and Coley, and I swear it kills me every time. Biz is a national treasure. Nothing beats his missed swing in the vid with Sid and Nate tho. Quinn Hughes request is getting posted tomorrow too!

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Everybody talks about the female menstrual cycle. Everybody knows it’s not always the most delectable, and how the hormones affect your mood and body in many ways.

Nobody discusses the male hormonal cycle though. The twenty four hour rise and fall of testosterone, that can dictate how a man handles their day. For most guys, it’s not really an issue. It’s nothing compared to a woman’s monthly schedule, but that isn’t to say things don’t go off track every once in a while.

The Ducks have hit a losing streak. I’ve seen it before, it’s not the first one, but this one seems to bother Trevor the most. I can’t tell why, I just know it has. He stresses a lot when he’s in these bad times, and that stress has always messed with his head, but now it seems he’s all over the place. He’s skipped out on workouts scheduled, slept in more, and his appetite is barely existent. When he does eat, it’s a shit ton, but it’s usually only once a day. His body going from a strict routine to an absolute mess has taken a toll, but it’s also made those hormonal cycles incredibly out of tune. It makes him irritable in the mornings if I text him too early, and careless in the evenings if something gets too difficult to do.

And the worst part is that he’s not the only one in the midst of a ‘cycle.’ We’re both moody, and we’re both out of tune. It’s hard for him to say something I don’t get mad at, and even harder for me to not yell at him when he’s being difficult. I knew the rubber band was going to snap, I just didn’t think it would be so soon.

It’s the middle of the day when Trevor shows up at my place. I’d asked him to come over for a bit, hopeful that we could try and work in a night of relaxation, but the lack of communication of our own issues was making it extremely hard.

“Hey, babe.” He sounded so exhausted when he stepped through the front door. I don’t know why it made me so angry.

“You didn’t have to show up if you didn’t want to.” I called from the dining room table, assuming he’d come and find me. My face was down in a computer screen anyway, working on a college essay.

“Who told you I didn’t want to come?” His tone is defensive. I couldn’t blame him. We’re both going through our own things. But in the moment? In the moment it pisses me off that he doesn’t hear how he sounds.

“Trevor you sound like I’ve been hounding you all day to be here. I only asked you once.” I snapped right back, finally hearing the sound of shoes being kicked off and the front door being harshly shut.

“You asked me once and I came. Why would I not want to be here? I’ll tell you what makes me want to leave,” Trevor stomped right into the dining room. He stopped in the doorway. “That attitude right there.” He pointed at me, and god if he didn’t sound like a chastising mother in that moment.

“God- Trevor!” The exhaustion laced in my own tone outweighed the anger. I dropped my head into my hands before lifting it to look at him. I stopped. He looked about as shitty as I did.

His hair was a mess, and he had bags under his eyes. I noticed a red spot on his cheek I knew would turn into a pimple soon, but I had a few on my forehead anyway. It seemed Trevor noticed my own state as well. We were both wearing sweats and t-shirts. I had on one of his Ducks shirts, and he wore a plain black one. We both looked like we needed to be baptized in sleep and energy drinks.

My expression softened. Silence overtook the room. I sighed. “Off day?” My question caught Trevor off guard, but the tension seemed to melt away from his body in an instant. We weren’t fighting, we just weren’t communicating.

“Yeah,” he nodded, his gaze falling to the floor. I shut my laptop and slowly got up, crossing the room to meet him in the doorway.

“Me too.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and Trevor snaked his own around my hips.

“We’re both having shitty days.” Trevor managed a somber smile. “Imagine that.”

“How about a bath? Then maybe some face masks?” I reached up to smooth my finger over the red bump on his cheek, causing him to pull his head back and mumble an ‘ow.’ Sure, the skin could be sore when a pimple was first forming, but not /that/ bad.

“Don’t be a baby.” The irritation was evident in my tone. Trevor smiled again.

“I love it when you’re moody.” A minute ago, I could have sworn he did not love it. “Here.. let me carry you.” I didn’t bother to argue, instead I jumped when he asked me to, and allowed him to carry me bridal-like down the hall to my bedroom and into the bathroom.

“Trevor your hand is digging into my side,” I complained softly before he put me down.

“Chill out.. I just didn’t want to drop you.” He turned away to grab towels before he could see the daggers I was glaring in his direction.

I gently pushed him out of the way to grab my own towel, shaking my head at his behavior.

“Alrighty then..” Trevor muttered, pulling his shirt off and tossing it onto the floor.

“You know where the hamper is.”

“Goddamn. I’ll pick it up after.” He was tense again, I could tell.

“No, Trevor. Pick it up now. You always say after and then you forget.” I turned to look at him, tossing the towel I had down on the counter.

“Well I won’t forget this time!” He raised his voice slightly, defensive once again.

“Yes you will! Just like Jamie gets on you about leaving your car keys everywhere!” I matched his tone, resting one of my hands on the counter to lean on it.

“That’s different!”

“Alright, then what about the towels? And bowls right beside the kitchen sink? What about all the times you pull my books off my shelves and never put them back? Is all that different too?” I snapped, awaiting a good excuse that I had yet to hear.

Usually I wasn’t this hard on Trevor. I didn’t know what all went on in his mind, but he did try his best not to leave things around. He’d improved since we first met, but sometimes things simply distracted him, and he always apologized and felt sorry when I pointed it out to him.

Trevor wasn’t having it this time though. This was a fight now.

“You’re so bitchy!” He leaned over to grab his shirt, storming out of the bathroom after and pulling it back on.

“Yeah? I’m not the one throwing a tantrum right now, Zegras!” He paused to turn and look at me, uncertain of the implications behind his last name. His brow was furrowed, silently asking where I got the audacity.

“You don’t even listen. Forget this.” I followed him all the way back down the hall and to the front door. I watched as he put his shoes on, an overwhelming sadness eating away at my heart.

Trevor turned to look at me, hopeful to get one last dig in. He stopped when he noticed the tears in my eyes.

“Just fucking leave, Trevor.”

I didn’t want him around any more. It was clear we couldn’t coexist when we both had our own issues going on. He looked defeated, and even guilty, but he left nonetheless.

I retreated back to my bedroom after, crying silently all while telling myself it was my fault, and angrily blaming him. I drove him away, but he put the nails in his own coffin. Who knew when he’d text or call, or ask to see me again. He may never. I didn’t expect him to return at any point that day. And I certainly didn’t expect it to be within a few hours.

By the time the sun began to set, the tears had slowed, and I was able to make myself dinner. I sat on the couch, my laptop on the coffee table with a plate full of dumplings in my lap. Scream was playing on the tv, somehow ironically managing to calm me. I heard a soft knock on the door, but I was hopeful whoever was there would leave. My hopes however, were unfulfilled. I heard the lock jingle before the door opened. I looked up to see Trevor standing there, two grocery bags in hand and an innocent look on his face as he froze.

We stared at each other for a moment, uncertain of the other’s feelings, before he finished walking inside and shut the door.

“You just keep doing your thing. I won’t bother you.” Trevor spoke. It was all I needed to go back to my laptop and my work. Trevor ventured off into my dining room, and I heard him settle at the table before silence filled my apartment again.

Five minutes passed before I heard a clicking noise. I paid no mind. I spotted Trevor in the corner of my eye, entering the room at a slow pace. A sneaky pace. It pissed me off just knowing he was up to something.

He sat in the arm chair across the room by the window, dropping a stack of paper on the floor and two pens, as well as the grocery bag. I was still unaware of what was in it. He pulled his phone out, and eventually I stopped paying any attention to him. I just got through the end of a paragraph on my essay, moving my plate to the coffee table when I heard a pop. Then I felt something hit me in the chest and land in my lap.

My brow pulled together in confusion as I looked down to see a little blue dart with an orange tip. Oh my god I’m gonna kill him

“Trevor.” I looked up at him, brow furrowed. He gestured toward the dart. I looked back down, rolling it in my hand to see a white piece of paper taped to it. I looked back up for a moment, questioning his antics, then I made quick work of peeling the tape and paper off the dart.

I flipped the paper over, noticing Trevor’s handwriting immediately.

I’m really sorry about today

My heart fluttered, I heard the rustle of the grocery bag, and when I looked up, Trevor presented me with a second gun, and a few darts of my own. We met in the middle of the floor to make the exchange before retreating to our opposite ‘trenches’. He even provided me with a few pieces of paper and the tape to make my own message.

I jotted one down quickly, taped it to my own dart, and loaded my gun before firing. Reluctant smiles painted both our lips as Trevor grabbed the dart. He paused for a moment, turning to glare up at me when he noticed the copious amount of tape I used. He wasn’t going to be forgiven without a little hassle.

Once he got the note off, and all the tape off his fingers, I watched his expression contort from frustration to relief.

That’s okay. I shouldn’t have been so mean either

Trevor got a piece of paper to write another note, and I tossed the tape over to him. He seemed to be wrapped up in a long message, and I smirked when an idea came to mind. I loaded a blank dart into my gun and aimed, firing and trying to hide my snickers when the foam bullet popped him right in the forehead.

Trevor immediately looked up at me, laughing out a soft, “hey!” Seeing him smile again made me sigh. We’d be okay.

“Took too long,” I responded sheepishly, setting my gun down on the couch. “I want you to talk to me, Trev. Come over here.” He set his own gun down, quickly coming to my side and sitting on the couch next to me.

“What were you busy writing over there?”

“I uhm..” he paused, leaning back against the couch. “That I love you.. and I don’t want you to be mad at me for the way I treated you. I know it was shitty, but there’s a lot going on right now and.. I guess I just forgot to leave the anger at work.” He sounded so disappointed in himself. I reached out to grab his hand.

“It’s okay, Trevor. Really. I didn’t mean to get so short with you today either. Just seems like we’re both having our own issues right now. But we should be each other’s lifelines, yeah? We can’t go taking everything out on one another.” Trevor nodded in agreement, looking up to meet my eyes. “I love you too.. I know things have been hard. Just please talk to me when you’re frustrated, okay?”

“I will.” I reached up to brush a few of his Sandy locks out of his face. “But you have to talk to me too,” he added, wanting me to know he was always there as well.

“You never really gave me a chance today.” I responded, watching the guilt return to his features as he swallowed thickly. “It’s okay,” I assured. “I don’t think I gave you much of a chance either.” I squeezed Trevor’s hand.

“Okay.. so.. so tell me what’s wrong.”

“School. I’m behind on this essay. My period just started.. and my boyfriend’s moody.” I made sure to tease, hoping to lighten the mood as a shy smile overtook my face. Trevor scoffed, but I could tell it wasn’t a mean one.

“Your turn.”

“Alright… well.. the Ducks suck,” always one to tell it like it is. “I feel like I can’t feel a single emotion for more than two seconds.. and my girlfriend’s on her period,” he paused, leaning forward with a cheeky smile. “And I’ve done nothing to help her all day.” I knew he was only trying to flatter me, but it worked. He pressed his lips to mine for a moment before pulling back.

I rested my hands on Trevor’s shoulders and leaned back onto the couch, our smiles widening as he climbed on top of me.

“We’re just a couple of moody adults then, aren’t we?” I teased, humming as Trevor reconnected our lips.

“Can we be horny adults too?” He asked as he pulled back, causing me to swat his shoulder with a laugh.

“That was cycle day one, bud. I’m afraid you missed it.”

“Aw, damn.. really?” Trevor sounded as bummed as I would have expected him to be. It made me laugh. “Can you reschedule? Talk to your body and let it know I’ll be back to try again tomorrow.”

I laughed once again, squeezing Trevor’s shoulders and shaking my head.

“That’s not how it works, hun.” I let him down easy, giggling at his playful frustration.

“Alright, well when’s the next one?”

“If it stays on schedule, you’ll be on the road for the next one.” I tried to hold in my laughter, knowing he wouldn’t be too thrilled about it.

“Seriously?” His voice raised, and I snickered. “I mean- a guy can’t even catch a break! You think you’ll be in the mood sometime in between?”

“Trevor,” I laughed at the way he spoke about it, so formal. “I’ll know when I know.”

“Nope. I have to know three to four business days in advance. Does anything speed up the process of getting you excited?” He was asking as if we haven’t done it a million times before.

“Shut up, Trevor.” I moved a hand from his shoulder to gently push his head. He laughed, that breathy awkward laugh that always made me smile. Trevor leaned in for another kiss, this one a bit more passionate than the first. He nipped at my bottom lip before I gently pressed a hand to his cheek, pushing his head back.

“I can do one minute in advance…”

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

[voidsquidd]

Not what I usually post but I wanna say something

I recently saw a 12 yr old on shedtwt and ik becuz of what this account used to be that I have shedtwt and shedtblr followers on here

(I have never really used shedtwt but post pop up every few months)

If ur that young then pls do not go on places like that

//TW// sh ed / g0re / gr0oming / s1uicide

Ik that u probably wanna find ppl who have similar struggles to u, ik u probably have issues irl that make u wanna do that stuff and u just wanna find a place where ppl are like u, but shedtwt is not that place

Even if ppl on there say they're pro recovery, the fact they're posting stuff promoting it or showing it in a positive way at all is not gonna help anyone recover, they're still glorifying it to other ppl and promoting pro Ana / sh

Shedtwt/shedtblr will do sm damage to ur brain at a young age

While ur that young what u see will have a massive affect on ur brain and what u view as normal. Older ppl on there are way more aware of what they're doing to themselves and, even if u say ur mature for ur age, u will not know what damage ur actually doing to urself by being on there

Seeing ppl promote stuff like sh: how to go deeper, needing to feel valid, wanting to get worse, showing off their gory sh

Seeing ppl promote eds: saying how many cals they eat, showing of thinspo, fat shaming / meanpso, saying it's better to be thin

That stuff is gonna be more likely to stick with u when u start to consume it from a young age like that, eventually it'll be all u really know, you'll have normalized it sm in ur head with out even realising what you've done. Ppl will have constantly been posting about it and u will have constantly been seeing those posts and slowly making ur brain see all that disordered, dangerous behaviour as normal. Sm so that when u try to recover it'll end up being sm harder, becuz ur whole life, all ur believes, all ur habits, ur hobbies, will be base for sh and ed

Ik someone who was active on there from a young age and they struggle to eat normally sometimes, a normal meal feels like a binge to them and they don't actually know what the real definition of that word means, they count normal eating as eating too much, they count normal and healthy bodies as too fat becuz they saw so many dangerously underweight ppl that they can no longer tell what's healthy. They developed such bad body dysmorphia from all the content that they cannot tell the difference between over 10lbs on their body.

They can't understand why sh is bad sometimes, thinking it's not that big of a deal, they romantizise sh and their cuts, saying they like them and that they want more scars, even asking me to help them. They didn't realise it was a massive issue when they went pretty deep, and then refused to go seek medical help when they should've becuz they were used to giving themself cuts that could kill them, becuz ppl on shedtwt go so deep it could kill them but they barely ever seem to mention that, a young person wouldn't realise that would kill them, the person I'm talking about definitely didn't

They also saw lost of gore. Now I'm gonna get into a bit of physical brain psychology rn. So the brain releases dopamine as a positive reward hormone obviously. Watching gore, even tho it's online, will have the same or similar effect of seeing actual bloody, dead bodies and ppl stabbing themself or killing themself irl. They saw lots of that becuz shedtwt had sh vids which led to gore twt. Seeing ppl stab themselves, cut their arm off, jump off buildings etc, would be like seeing it irl. And seeing it irl would be classed as a traumatic event, it causes trauma. Specifically it damages the part of the brain that releases hormones like dopamine, by consuming that content u are physically damaging ur brain sm it can stop letting u feel happy.

This person may have a bad home life, and that may have caused these issues to start, but they wouldn't have known what sh was without shedtwt, or seen tips on how to go deeper on shedtwt

They wouldn't have seen starving tips or those diets, or workout routines without shedtwt

They wouldn't have felt like what they were doing was normal if they hadn't seen sm of it on shedtwt

They wouldn't have found gore without shedtwt

And they wouldn't have met their groomer and called him their bf if they hadn't been on shedtwt

Even now they're not on there, they lost all their hobbies to Ana/mia, they would spend their time doing nothing but watching and reading stuff about sh and eds and that's all their life was. Just cvtting themself, learning tips on how to starve and trying to ignore their cravings. They used to paint, but they stopped. they used to sew, but they stopped. they used to be really strong and have good health, they don't anymore, becuz they worked their body to exhaustion sm trying to get thin. Their brain consumed sm content, it's all they think about most of the time now and they struggle to distract their thoughts. I remember they told me what they were thinking about and I had to tell them they seemed triggered becuz they were so triggered so often it just became their normal mind. They thought about nothing but what to eat on what day, how many cals were in something, about how to cut deeper, where they should cut, how some of their scars would look prettier if they were in different shapes, suicide methods and what would be the best even tho they didn't have any plans. Images of thinspo and gore and sh would flash in their head constantly.

It became so normal to them it was their whole personality and actual normal things were alien concepts to them. I told them what typically normal things were and they were genuinely surprised at how what they did and thought about wasn't normal.

Ik most young ppl on there are wanting ppl to relate to but it will do more damage than good, sometimes it's better to feel like what ur doing is weird or not normal becuz that gives u more motivation to stop, to try and be normal. Seeing it sm will make u think it's normal and fine and make u feel like there's no issue

That person is still recovering and a lot of the stuff they vent about is the gore they saw, or the thinspo they saw, the things they say that get called out for being negative are always things they learnt to normalize from shedtwt

So pls, I say this to anyone but especially younger ppl like that 12 yr old, shedtwt / tblr is not gonna help u with ur mental health, it isn't a place that genuinely encourages recovery even if ppl say they are pro recovery. It's a place that glorifies sh and eds, and there's so many ppl who also just wanna take advantage of u. Someone who wants to help u starve or sh doesn't have ur best interest in mind, someone who wants u to recover and get better and healed is someone who cares about u

My dms are always open ♡

[cypheragent]

obviously there is nothing wrong with going on hormones and then stopping if a person finds it is truly not for them but "detransitioner" is not really an apolitical identity and generally refers to a group of people i have very little sympathy for. and the coddling of detransitioners people engage in is just insane. even far too many trans people fall into this trap i'm afraid lmao. there are pretty much two kinds of people among those for whom "detransitioner" is an identity, and they are 1. the "ex-homosexuals" of trans people who are just repressing their transness now, and 2. transphobic cis people. i mean that's really it right? if detransition was truly right for a person and they really are cis now, why the fuck should i care what they think about trans issues? they aren't my problem, my responsibility, and their opinions about trans people mean as much to me as any other cis person's, which is to say: jack shit. "what about people who detransition?" literally, and i cannot emphasize this enough, not my problem. why are trans people expected to answer for these people or justify ourselves in light of their existence? literally, what do they have to do with me?

aside from this, your average detransitioner (again, with this i refer not to people who simply choose to quit hormones and don't become raging transphobes about it, but Detransitioner as political identity) is essentially a person with no sense of personal responsibility who society chooses to coddle because they appear to confirm society's transphobia. it's pretty insidious tbh, society at-large's obsession with detransitioners, validating them and blaming trans people and the increase in our rights, specifically to bodily autonomy, truly reveals the part most people don't want to say out loud: that they believe this is the ideal. this is what a not insignificant number of people (even many who claim to accept trans people, frankly) believe to be the best option, if possible, for trans people. i've definitely encountered a number of people who are like, fine with trans people's existence, but want to believe very firmly that transition is a sort of unfortunate last resort that should be avoided at all costs if possible, and that reasons not to transition should be emphasized and sought at all cost.

viewing transition as unfortunate (rather than what it is: joyful) can be seen in the pearl clutching over trans children especially. what if they regret it! the hypothetical dysphoria a cis person would experience as a result of transition is more concerning than the dysphoria trans people already experience, because the feelings and experiences of cis people are always, always the priority, and trans people and their suffering an afterthought.

anyway, i got a little off-track from a point i wanted to make, which is that the majority of detransitioners have no one but themselves to blame. and yet this is never what they do. doctors are to blame, trans people are to blame, literally anyone but themselves. i don't think most people would fall for this narrative as easily if not for the fact that society hates trans people, so again, it's a narrative people like because it confirms what they want to believe, that transition is unfortunate. in the modern era, there are so many resources to understand what transition will do to a person's body that i find it difficult to sympathize with someone who acts as though it was some kind of big shock. of course, i understand that someone can do all the reading in the world, know what they are in for, decide to go through with it and still find, unexpectedly, that it isn't right for them. (this probably isn't as common as people want to believe though... i mean, detransition rates are low as is, and even the majority of detransitioners themselves will tell you they didn't do research, they didn't know hormones would do this or that. somehow, i am supposed to believe this is everyone's fault but their own.) that being said, it is very much possible to simply not become a raging transphobe in light of this! accepting personal responsibility instead of blaming others is probably the first step.

of course, trans acceptance is only beneficial for those who go on hormones then choose to quit anyway. dysphoria is easier to cope with in a world where people don't discriminate against gender nonconformity. if you believe in a worldview that ascribes disgust to bodies that are or have been on hrt, bodies that don't fit the cis binary mold, then... yeah, that will contribute to any misery that you might be experiencing. insisting that your body is "ruined" or "mutilated" isn't exactly going to help with your self-perception and overall mental health. acceptance of different bodies is one of the necessary steps to improving your own mindset (and improving your treatment of others, for that matter). going on hormones, or going off them, literally anything a person can do with their body, should be accepted as rather mundane all things considered. sure, it's a big decision, but at the end of the day it's ok to make a decision, to realize it wasn't the right one, and there is nothing wrong with anyone's bodies. you gotta move the fuck on with your life at some point.

of course, all this is supplement to pretty much the most basic and obvious point that anyone should agree with wrt hrt, which is that what other people do with their own bodies is none of your damn business and everyone should have the right to choose for themselves. the fact that some people might regret it is not an excuse to remove that as a basic right for everyone (nor is it an excuse to insist upon stricter gatekeeping, for that matter). furthermore, the simple fact that hormones are life-changing for many people is an indisputable fact. die mad about it, i guess

[yeahimatransman]

I am an ignorant person. I have had lots of gay friends both male and female. Drag, closet gays, very flamboyant gays, Poly friends and just alternative lifestyle people in my life. I have never met a trans person or at least not one that I know of. I ask anonymously because I feel like where you are in your headspace could also help me. I have always wanted to reach out to someone to better understand why they would want to transition. I am female but am very tomboyish even now that I am in my 30s. I have low estrogen and hormones are all over the place all the time. I hate a lot of stuff about being female but I equally could not even imagine having something dangling between my legs. I was raised to believe that I was born as a gift and a miracle and that I was given the body I was given to love and cherish. It is hard for me to imagine what it would be like to not love the body you were born with even if it didn't feel right. Like how does having a certain set of genitalia make you feel like you are in the right body. AGAIN IGNORANT. I think that a discussion between us might be beneficial to both of us. Or you can ignore me and think of me as transphobic. My friends think it is none of my business but I am really curious to hear from an actual person their train of thoughts in a safe space so that I can better understand and maybe talking with someone who doesn't understand this type of life will ignite something you hadn't thought of before. IDK I might be off my rocker but I am taking a lot of new chances lately.

So I am not sure how well me trying to answer this is going to go. I am still going back and forth between being accepting of being trans and being in denial. I think I have accepted that it's denial. But also I haven't necessarily struggled with my body other than being overweight, but that's another issue that has nothing to do with gender. I haven't had so many issues with my female body. So I am not sure I am the write person to answer this. But I am going to try. I think it helps that I am honestly anonymous too since no one on here truly knows who I am being the screen.

I grew up in a Mormon household, not that I would ever say that we were a super devot family. Yes we went weekly and whatever, but I am the only one in my family that still goes. I was taught that I was meant to be female from birth through eternity. I never really questioned it and often avoided any opportunity to question it. It just felt awkward and shameful. But I've had those moments where I did those things when I was younger and all I could think was that I was doing something wrong, but I liked it. It felt comfortable and it felt good. But then I shoved it back into the back of my mind and tried to be the perfect Mormon girl. I also have always tried to do whatever makes other people happy (also an issue not totally related to this, but still relevant in a way). I tried not to think about it, which clearly hasn't worked. It just keeps coming up over and over. If I think about what would make me comfortable as person and what would make me happy, I see myself as a man. It's really just making myself into the person that I feel comfortable being. Now I am still struggling with how to be comfortable as this person in front of others. It is weird to think about having "something dangling between my legs" as something that would make me comfortable, but it's not truly about that. I like having a bulge, but its because it makes me feel like me.

Anyway, I am not sure if I answered your question or if any of this makes sense, but I tried.

[smolwritingchick]

Just Another Smol Preview :)

Author's Note: Literally a smol preview of the beginning of the MAMA Awards 2016 chapter. Always brainstorming and switching it up so the final product may vary.

I have been thinking a lot of this idea that I have for the MAMA Awards chapter and I'm excited to write about it and see it come to life.

Like I addressed before after MAMA Awards 2016 in the story, this should be the last time I write about Hyuna. This idea came up recently and I rolled with it. I also find myself getting this chapter done faster than anticipated so I am aiming to try to get it out in June and not later than that along with the 3rd Muster chapter. Hopefully not late June.

-----------

'BREAKING! MAMA 2016 Collaboration with Cube's Hyuna and Big Hit's Jennie scrapped!'

Jennie frowned at the article as she sat by her desk in the Smartie Factory. It was crazy how things abruptly changed. Lately, Jennie and Hyuna weren't on speaking terms and issues have been occurring for a while.

It all started with the sneak dissing that Jennie had found out on her Tumblr. She loved scrolling through the tag of her name and came across a fairly popular post regarding Hyuna attending a few variety shows and interviews.

Statements such as, "Unlike the others, I don't need to repeatedly say I'm the best from head to toe. You already see it," which ARMY thought about Jennie's War of Hormone lyrics.

"Some rookies can be a bit much and try to overshine a veteran,"

"Some girls in this industry are a bit too fragile. I don't need to call myself bulletproof,"

"You mean the original version of How's This,"

Were just a handful of statements and ARMY immediately speculated she was throwing shade at Jennie.

'Uhhhh did Hyuna just sneak diss, Jennie? Am I freaking out over nothing? That bulletproof and glass line was SUS,' one comment said.

ARMY went on to do more research and they immediately figured out that there was some sort of animosity in Hyuna's words and it caused confusion in the fandom.

"The hell...?" Miss Bangtan murmured as she read about it and even saw her and Hyuna trending on Twitter.

Her stomach dropped and she felt hurt by the words. It confused her as to why she would say these things. Deciding to go straight to the source, she messaged Hyuna on KakaoTalk.

Jen: Ummmm what's going on sis? We got a problem or something? If so let's address it now. Call me when you're free

But hours later, still no reply. What officially solidified the fact there was an issue going on was when Jennie facetimed Hayoon about it.

"I'm trying to contact her so we can settle this shit now instead of over the internet. But I haven't gotten a response. I don't know how this happened. I didn't even do anything. I know we haven't talked in a while, but damn,"

And that was when Hayoon informed her what was going on from what she heard. She and other people have been overhearing her talking about how upset she was that she would be sharing the stage with Jennie for How's This. She wanted to perform it alone and on top of that felt bothered by the fact that the duet music video with Jennie started to get way more views than the original video.

"I mean it got more views because ARMY loves to support every member of Bangtan. They were bound to have the views boost," Jennie exclaimed on Facetime while Hayoon nodded. "That's one of the amazing things about them. They watched that video for me and I'm grateful but damn, is it that deep? So, she doesn't want to share the stage with me and is feeling some type of the way that her original music video didn't have that many views? Ma'am, if that was a problem, instead of throwing shots, why not talk to me face to face and express yourself? All this childishness for what?"

"I know. It's ridiculous," Hayoon said with a frown. "I had to distance myself from her. I didn't like the things she was saying. And I even talked to her about it but she blew me off and said she didn't care,"

Jennie sighed and shook her head. "Annoying...thanks for telling me...wow...the switch up is crazy...I just don't understand,"

"Of course. Still no reply?"

Jennie went to check back on the app and scoffed. "Did this bitch block me?!"

"What?! No way!"

"Wowwww. So, it's like that? Okay. I can't even contact her anymore...this is making me start to have trust issues a little bit. Like we were so close and would hang out and talk often and I trusted her with a lot of shit...I hope she doesn't spill anything personal. Because now I'm thinking about my relationship,"

"As much as I dislike her attitude, I don't think she'll spill anything especially when she is dating E'Dawn privately,"

"Yeah...I'm not going to air her dirty laundry and talk about how she got a rookie boyfriend and shit. That's unfair to E'dawn and his future career as an idol,"

"Agreed. No need to get him involved. I believe she won't involve Jungkook as well, so no need to worry,"

Jennie sighed. "When I see her at one of these award shows I'll confront her. This is ridiculous,"

"Some kind of girl's girl she is. So close to award season, too? She should not be trying to paint you as this bad person,"

"Yeah...I just don't know how long it's going to take for the public to understand how grimy she is,"

As the news of her performance with Hyuna wasn't happening anymore, Cube Entertainment and even Mnet made the excuse that they felt like Jennie was not ready to perform with Hyuna and was a bit difficult to work with. Which was a load of bull and lots of fans saw through the BS. However, Big Hit responded in defense to her saying that she was ready, she was very easy to work with and it was their loss on the collaboration.

It warmed her heart to see the company come to her defense and say she would prove doubters wrong on BTS' stage at the MAMA Awards. Hearing the news that the collaboration was scrapped made her feel down since she had been so excited to perform with someone she looked up to for many years. G-Dragon's words still rang through her mind that not everyone is your friend in the industry and the switch ups be crazy.

Now back to reality, Jennie continued to sit by her desk, deep in thought about the situation. All she wanted to do was speak to her like an adult and squash whatever issue she had with her. But with her being blocked, it was clear she wanted nothing to do with Jennie.

It had been days since the first set of disses, along with lyric changes to throw shots at her and the lack of response from Jennie had everyone talking.

People commented:

'Unbothered. I like that,'

'Hyuna cooked you!'

'Everything she said about Jennie was true,'

'Rookie! Hyuna is better than you!'

'So, are you going to respond to HyunA?'

'Damn, still no response?'

'Jennie is known for her impressive stage presence at MAMA. They could have been a powerful duo if egos didn't get in the way. Something ain't right,'

'LOL Hyuna won by default. She is taking forever to respond. Is she scared?'

'Get in the booth, Jennie. Or are you taking the L?'

'So, you just gonna let her talk shit about you like that?'

'Jennie doesn't have to respond to anything.'

'I hate how you guys are instigating this drama.'

'No response is a response, Jennie!'

'Does Miss Bangtan need her bulletproof boy scouts to help her with this one?'

'I bet Jennie is the problem. Because she and Hyuna were great friends and she must have done something wrong...'

'Time to stop hiding behind your boys, woman up and respond to your senior.'

'Respect queen Hyuna!'

'You should be lucky she even asked you to collaborate.'

'ARMY gets on my nerves. They like to spam and stream everything for bragging rights. That music video didn't deserve to get higher views than the OG!'

'Yikes...going after one of the chillest people in the K-Pop industry is not wise because if Jennie responds I bet not hear shit that she was disrespectful when Hyuna started this first. And don't try to say respect your seniors.'

'Y'all are a little too comfortable being rude to Jennie on her page...'

'Hyuna started it and Jen will finish it. Watch!'

'Hyuna is being a bit too bold running her mouth.'

'Of all people when you have Bangtan backing her? And other idols who are close friends with her? I don't understand the logic.'

'Hyuna is untouchable in the industry, no idols will come to her aid,'

'I doubt any idol will defend Jennie from Hyuna. She should handle this herself.'

'Bangtan shouldn't always have to fight her battles. She should handle this by herself,'

'Jennie handles business. She'll respond,'

Still, on social media, she saw herself getting tagged in a lot of Hyuna stuff. Come to find out she was still sneak dissing and her stans were eating it up and defending her. However, ARMY was not too happy about the abrupt attitude change and shade thrown at Miss Bangtan.

"Do you want me to say something?" Yoongi asked, who sat next to her, ready to defend her honor.

"Yoongi...no," she firmly said as she turned to him.

"The situation is so grimy. Like damn, the bitch can't share the stage with you on her song that she wanted you to be on in the first place? Why bother asking to collab?" Angelina spoke up, sitting on the couch with Namjoon. "Did she think it wasn't going to go well? She underestimated the power of ARMY's support and your talent as an artist. Those comments on that YouTube video were mainly about you, Jennie. You outshined her in the music video and she was mad about it and has been holding it in for a while. The bitch is jealous,"

"I'm just confused and thrown off by everything. Like I thought we were friends—"

"Well, she's not your friend," Angelina firmly cut Jennie off, getting upset about Hyuna. "A friend doesn't sneak diss. Fuck her,"

"Are you going to let her just bash your name like this in public?" Namjoon asked.

"She is South Korea's IT girl. Everyone loves her. And if I respond...I have a feeling I'll be public enemy number one. You know how the media is gonna twist this and make me the bad guy," Jennie reminded.

"Jen, I love your calmness, right now because you know I'll be ready to fight somebody," Angelina added. "I wish I had your calmness. But stop being nice,"

"I'm not trying to be! I'm not! I'm getting annoyed, now..." she sighed out of frustration.

"Good. Write about it,"

"Listen, I shouldn't cause Bangtan any drama. Award season is coming up...I can't be taking the attention off of us at the award shows. Like I don't even want to be involved in this drama...why can't I just have some genuine celebrity friends, that won't get mad over petty shit, like this? I'm getting PTSD from Hailey and that took a while to heal from,"

"Munchkin, you're not causing drama for us," Hobi spoke up as he leaned against the wall, next to the couch. "I know you're thinking of the negatives but the positives outweigh it. You should respond,"

"And you know that people love you, too. She is not the only beloved K-Pop idol, in the world. You've been making a positive name for yourself with us as BTS. ARMY and us will not stand for the slander. I want you to write about it all," Yoongi affirmed.

"Turn this negative into a positive," Namjoon reminded.

"Diss track incoming?" Angelina smiled.

Jennie let the rappers' words sink in as she glanced at all of them. They had a point. She couldn't just let her bash her name like this out of nowhere. On top of that, she didn't want to hear anything about being respectful to her seniors when she was getting disrespected unprovoked. It bothered her how people think they can talk to younger people in any type of way. Respect should be a mutual thing.

"For now, don't bother engaging in the drama on social media. Don't respond to any of it online. Continue to go about your day like normal," Namjoon suggested.

"Yeah...okay. You're right. All of you," she replied. "I really can't let her just get away with talking shit and not saying it directly to my face. Especially when she didn't even want to respond to my messages and blocked me. She needs to get checked,"

"Good. I'm looking forward to this," Hobi smiled.

"You and I both," Yoongi revealed his gummy smile.

Jennie chuckled and turned to Namjoon. "This reminds me a little bit of the Bobby situation and your diss at MAMA 2014. But yours was more of entertainment. Unlike this,"

The leader chuckled at that and nodded. "Yeah. Well, what are you going to do, now?"

"Handle it," she firmly responded and grabbed her notebook.

"Best news I've heard all day. Get writing," Angelina broke out into a big smile, as the others agreed.

"Mama Awards 2016. Speak your truth, there. Let's talk to the staff later about everything," Namjoon recommended.

"Okay," Jennie nodded, liking that idea. "I'll show you what I have when I'm done. Can I be alone, please? To work?"

The boys respected her decision and left her to work while Angelina stayed behind with Namjoon waiting for her outside the studio.

"Word of advice? Try the 8 Mile method. The stealing thunder strategy. You remember the movie and the final rap battle with Eminem?" Angelina asked as she got off the couch.

"Yeah. I've watched it a few times. That's not a bad idea. I'll work on it,"

[abyssleaves]

Why I'll Be Remaining in the Lurking For Love Community

Ok.

Honestly, I really don't want to make this.

I'm way too old for fandom drama, and I don't need to be making myself a target. My gut is telling me that it's a bad idea to get involved, and I'm inviting trouble for myself by posting this.

But the most recent post against Tom is just ridiculous and I can't not speak my piece.

I'm not linking to it or reblogging it because I don't want to send hate anyone's way, and honestly because I'm going to block them as soon as this is posted. You can read mine and theirs for yourself and decide what you think.

As far as the “anti-Latino” posts that Tom liked, I can't speak to whether they do damage, or what Tom’s views actually are. I am not Latino, and I'm not Tom. It's not my place. But I will say I was aware of those posts long before I saw that “callout” post, and it's because multiple Latino artists I follow liked and retweeted them. At the time, I was given to understand that they were satirizing the fact that both were styles of stereotypes, but one was acceptable while the other was not, despite both being bad. I can't say, based on just those tweets, that I see any anti-Latino sentiment in Tom. I'm willing to admit that my knowledge on that front isn't bomb-proof.

The second point, well... I'm sorry to the friend that feels used. They're entitled to be hurt. And I will readily admit that I'm only able to respond to the info within that post. Maybe there IS more to it.

But I don't think that Tom ceasing contact over the hormones is surprising at all, from a mental health standpoint. Put yourself in his shoes: you're a trans person in US, which is its own struggle, and you've reached your mid/early 20s without being able to attain gender-affirming care. Now someone years younger than you just got the thing you want more than anything else. Sure, you might be happy for them. But that is also going to hurt, horribly. You really have three options:

1) stay friends and smother the bitterness/possible resentment. That will either end up ruining your mental health, or coming out and ruining the friendship anyway.

2) Ask your friend not to tell you/post about their transition. That makes it about you and also ruins something that should make them happy.

3) Distance yourself.

Maybe he should have spoken more directly with you about his feelings, granted. But, Tom has not been shy about the fact that he struggles with his mental health. None of us handle every situation well. As far as his occasional venting, I would think, if you WERE his friend, you might have some compassion, and either cease contact if the friendship is not fulfilling, or accept his sincere, well-written apology (Which are the ONLY words straight from Tom’s mouth on the entire fucking post).

Instead, you got the apology from him, and then shared a bunch of gossip between you and another friend, and outed your interpretations of his vent sessions to the world. That's not exactly classy, posting about how he sought people he felt safe with during a time when a big chunk of the community he built is telling him to do horrible things to himself.

I want to make it clear that I don't agree with all of Tom’s views as expressed on his initial explanation post. Again, many of them are issues that I don't feel are my place to get involved in, and therefore I stayed quiet at the time.

I'm aware that the justified and intense hurt felt by people in those communities can mean that even differing opinions feel like a slap in the face. You have every right to see Tom’s views as hurtful and choose to leave, and/or make a separate community for support. I don't blame people who are in those communities for doing so. This post is aimed at the obsessed minority that won't leave the tag/remaining fans/Tom alone.

All of the above being said, the reaction to Tom’s post is the most “touch grass” thing I have ever seen.

Tom liking one or two comics from a dark-humor comic artist so widespread on the internet that I didn't even know he had an actual page, or anything about him as a person (something Tom also stated) = Tom is a Nazi sympathizer.

Tom saying “I don't care for neopronouns, but I won't attack you for using them and will respect what everyone wants to be called” = Tom is a monstrous bigot.

The racism accusation has me especially 💀. All because he liked a post about help from an unexpected source and that we should be kinder to each other.

How on earth are you going to tell a POC that he doesn't know what racism is because he’s NOT THE RIGHT KIND OF POC? Do you hear yourself?

(FWIW, I also don't agree with kink at pride. Sorry. LGBTQ+ people are not "narsty little freaks"--yeah I SAW that post--they're people. They can be kinky, they can be vanilla, whatever. Kink has nothing to do with your orientation, and therefore it isn't part of Pride. Also, my guys, if you're having public sex/being nude at pride for kink reasons, then you're not part of the healthy kink community: safe, sane, and CONSENSUAL. Nobody around you consented to that. Similarly, while I feel that sex education for minors should be normalized in order to give them better tools to tell when they're being groomed, seeing strangers with no pants on is NOT education, that's involving minors in your fetish. And that's fucking gross. )

The LGBTQ+ community in the US is in a lot of trouble right now, and we have a very bad habit of eating our own. We divide and subdivide and allow ourselves to be carved up by a united conservative front.

We do not allow for differing levels of leftist beliefs, and we constantly accuse each other of being not POC/leftists/queer enough, or being the wrong kind, or using a term for ourselves that some other individuals don't like. A great deal of the bullying leveled against him is justified by others saying that he's choosing to support a party that will turn on him and cause him and others like him harm.

Well, to be honest, the only community I see doing that right now is this one.

The amount of disingenuous “OMG, just FYI everyone to everyone hurt by [situation], I’M not transphobic/a bigot, you're all welcome here 😌” posts from people, who did not read his post, did not link to or quote his post. Disgusting. You know very well that nothing in his explanation or in his actions throughout his time in the community pointed to any abuse ON HIS PART towards trans people, non-binary people, people of the Jewish faith, or POC. You're virtue signaling, you're putting lambs blood above your door to keep the baying mob away.

This is insane. When did differing opinions turn into this? You don't have to agree with Tom’s views on anything. You're welcome to not follow his accounts, not like his art, not buy his game. If you feel that his opinions are too severely different from yours, you should be allowed to leave the fandom without people telling you that you should do bad things to yourself because your opinions don't match theirs (sound familiar?).

But…please. Can we stop with this awful parasocial obsession with his personal page? You can't lie to yourself and call it anything other than literal stalking. It's creepy as hell, and it reflects more on you than on him, in the long run. People might agree with your outrage, but deep down, they're afraid of being the next target, and they stay quiet out of fear that you'll stalk them next and send a mob hurling abuse their way.

To Tom, I'm sorry that this happened to you. You didn't deserve anything even close to this level of vitriol and abuse. You started from scratch and created a character and story that I feel was something truly unique. You reached an incredible number of people's hearts with Lurking for Love and Jacob, and no matter what happens from here with both of them, you deserve to feel proud of that. I hope that you are ok. Being a public figure on the internet doesn't mean you don't have a right to private opinions or even just general privacy.

I'm not tagging any characters in this. I'm only tagging the game because I hope other fans get to see that they're not alone. I don't believe the tags should be polluted this way. If you have to discuss a creator, it should be in his tag and not in a fandom space.

I'm aware that there will be deliberate bad-faith readings of this, or nitpicking of things I didn't cover. Whoever wants to, go ahead and respond, but I've said what I came to say, and I have nothing more to add. My inbox is closed and I love the block button.

[genderqueerdykes]

is it bad to be scared to start hrt?

i feel a little ashamed that i am. i try my hardest to be positive about all the things that make men & mascs masculine. i try to appreciate the parts that arent valued by society, like male pattern baldness, being fat, hairiness (love that part especially lol), etc.

but im 15, and i go back and fourth over whether or not i want to start testosterone. i had terrible cystic acne before i started acne medication, i have male pattern baldness on my dads side etc. im not a binary trans guy, so i kinda doubt ill be on it forever anyway if i DO wind up doing it, but its really scary to be told all the stuff that WILL make me a man when im… just a boy. that feels infantalizing but i suppose its true. im scared to be a man admittedly, im angry i never got to have a “true” boyhood because in currently at that age, and im scared of being thrust into it after not getting to be one. theres so much stuff about becoming “ugly” after starting testosterone. i know thats not true, logically, but ive faced so much bullying for not being pretty enough as an afab that i guess i still have that vanity embedded within me.

i feel ashamed for it, do you have any advice?

no, absolutely not- i think it's super reasonable to be scared to start HRT. it's a huge change, it affects your body and mentality in many different ways. it's a lot to take on at once especially considering there are permanent effects if taken for long enough at a high enough dose

i get why you'd be worried at that age. i didn't start HRT until i was in my early 20s. i think its okay to give yourself some time, especially considering you have some concerns about it potentially affecting your health. it would be ideal to find a way to get your blood tested for a few things- liver enzymes, red blood cell count, estrogen and testosterone levels, and so on. if you can't do that, it's understandable. i know it's not easy for someone your age to get a ride to a place like that discretely

is it possible to contact your dermatologist about your acne and see if they would be able to weigh in on that? baldness is a tricky thing. some people do bald but really late in life. some people don't. a lot of transmascs have their hairline recede by a few inches and then it usually stops. the nice thing about hair loss is there are medications that work very well that can help mitigate that. gender affirming care specialists or other doctors who prescribe testosterone are usually aware of the effects on scalp hair, and usually they'll help you test for high blood pressure, any issues like that

honestly i get where you're coming from here. i've seen this way too many times. people get pissed off about someone being a type of trans they don't like so they just bully the person until they consider detransitioning or never start transition at all, and then continue to mock and harass them anyway. i see this all the damn time and it bugs me like why would you do that to someone. who cares

people think it's ok to bully trans men & mascs right now because of all of the transandrophobia and antimasculism in general. testosterone doesn't make anyone "ugly", people are projecting their hatred of men and mascs on to a hormone that almost everyone produces naturally. it's just hateful senseless bullying. people think the younger the trans man/boy/masc is, the more valid they are to bully them.

it's okay to identify as a boy for as long as you need. you actually never have any obligation to adopt the label man if it doesn't fit you. many people identify as boys instead of men. some people are guys and not men. it's okay some people find they have to take their time to transition from boy to man. you're only 15 you are still a child, you don't have to worry about being a man for quite a while

it's definitely okay to feel conflicted and confused here. if you're able to, take time to yourself where you shut all that noise from other people out. if you're able to just ask yourself a few questions like why do i identify as a boy, what about it makes me happy, what kinds of things do i want to do in transition. just try to get a feel for what's going on so it makes it hard for people to get in your head

remember that when people attack you like this they're projecting something they deeply hate about themselves on to you. my therapist told me that last week and i thought i would just relay that. it's alright to be affected by it, but they really are just being assholes. it's good to be a trans man/boy/masc. transmasculinity is good. testosterone is good. testosterone saved my life. i'm glad to get up in the morning every day because i at least look and sound like myself. i love my body. i love the way i look. i'm stronger. i stand taller. my face is the right shape. my voice sounds right.

life is good

i hope you found any of this helpful. good luck, it's okay to feel guilt or shame for a bit. i did NOT want to come out as FtM for a VERY long time it was hard. i get it. take care of yourself, let me know if you have any more questions

[cookinguptales]

frank discussion of gynecological issues and frustrations with OBGYNs (especially re: chronic illness) under the cut, but I guess also potentially useful information for people who want to hear about it

so... some of you might remember when I was going to OGBYNs a little while ago. I have endometriosis and PMDD diagnoses, so going to OBGYNs isn't exactly unusual for me, but I ended up going to see more than I usually do.

this was largely because the hormonal therapy that I was taking for those disorders was starting to fail and I was bleeding a lot. like... for weeks at a time over a period of months. I had to deal with some... frustrating OBGYN advice in this time (such as the rage-inducing "well, women have to bleed") but I also discovered that like... I mean, I think I always knew that I had more vaginal pain than other people I know, but a lot of things hurt me so I just kind of... ignored it?

but they tried to put me on the nuva ring for a little while during this period and my body just... straight-up rejected it. it hurt like a bitch to put in, it kept coming out, I could feel it in there and it hurt, etc.

I ended up comparing notes with some other people I know and realized that my problems with insertion were probably more severe than I'd thought. like, it is not unusual for me to cry during pap smears and have cramping for days afterward. I cannot use tampons without massive pain. your body is not really supposed to physically expel something like a nuva ring several times a day. tmi I guess but I have not found penetration of any kind pleasant.

so I talked to... I want to say four or five different OBGYNs in this period, and none of them gave me a real reason for this. the prevailing attitude was mostly "oh yeah, that happens sometimes. lmao."

the best I could get was a diagnosis of "vaginismus" on my chart, and when I pressed for more information, they basically told me it was a psychological thing where your body is afraid of penetration so it clenches up and won't unclench. they literally grilled me on my history of sexual abuse to see if they could find the source of my dick phobia.

now... not to get too into it, but I do have a history of CSA -- but my pain problems predate it. I got my period relatively early and I've never been able to use tampons or anything like them. every time I've tried has ended in literal tears. again, cramping pain for days, even after the period itself has stopped.

so I get the dick phobia diagnosis from two different doctors, but one of them says she can do a transvaginal ultrasound if I'm really worried. we do this and it is uh. excruciating, honestly. thank god it was in California and they let me get high as a kite.

in the end, they can't find anything "physically" wrong with why I'm in pain and they send me on my way, dick phobia dx in hand.

today. today. YEARS later. I am googling tips on how to try a menstrual cup if you have vaginismus (prep for the trip abroad; I don't like Japanese pads) and I see someone saying "oh, I'm glad that treatment worked for you, my problems are because of ehlers-danlos syndrome."

you know, one of the chronic illnesses I have and one that I divulged to every OBGYN I saw.

what.

paging Dr. Google!!!

I come to find out that folks that have EDS, because of their connective tissue issues and extremely brittle skin, sometimes deal with extreme gynecological pain. it's partially pelvic floor issues, partially the fact that the skin in your vagina is breaking.

so all those times that I said "it feels like it's cutting me" or "it feels like knives" were probably because it was fucking cutting me. all those times I said I felt scraped raw for days was probably because abrasions take a long time to heal when you have EDS.

I cannot believe. I cannot believe. that I went into so many different OBGYNs who told me that my pain issues were because I had a psychological fear of dicks and when I told them I was a lesbian were like "oh well then problem solved" when actually my body was physically tearing. I had even seen blood sometimes and it had always been dismissed as spotting.

the anger I feel rn is indescribable, tbh. I never bought that my problems were all in my head (probably because doctors used that line on me so often when I was a kid and getting other chronic illnesses diagnosed) but the fact that gynecological health science is still so fucking awful that we shrug off pain that is the symptom of dangerous chronic illnesses as "well that happens sometimes" or "have you considered that maybe you're afraid of sex?"

I JUST

this reminds me of when I had to find out from a fucking tumblr post that vaginal secretions are made from blood rather than glands, so if you have bad blood pressure/flow it'll often cause itchiness/dryness/pain. bad blood flow like... idk... maybe POTS.

so again, it was actually one of my known chronic illnesses causing gynecological issues, not any of the other bullshit reasons doctors were giving me, like age or stress.

I hate that I'm fucking 33 years old and I still have to learn stuff like this from google searches. I still don't know how my shitty body works, and it's largely because of stuff like this. what the fuck. I'm so mad. why do doctors still treat vaginas like a fucking scary mystery?

I'm well aware that Dr. Google doesn't always know what the fuck it's talking about, but apparently neither do my doctors! which is why, yet again, I'm up all night reading medical journals in the vain attempt to figure out how to actually live my life!

ugh!!!