#why did they have to kill his wife off istg

[fixldbatt]

Literally sitting here crying over Billy Butcher's plot line

My baby. My shaylaaaa

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep1 Musings - Looking for Home: Louis, Claudia & Daciana

They flip between siblings and parent so much even I was getting whiplash--no wonder Lou's confused. U_U

This was EEEEEEEEVIIIIIIL, AMC! 😭 Louis carrying Grace's wedding portrait, and using it to FAKE his identity in Europe, after Grace couldn't even go to Europe for her own honeymoon cuz Paul died--STOP IT! 😭😭

And you can hear just a few quick seconds of the DPDL lietmotif that always plays for Grace, Paul, and sibling!Claudia, before it takes this SUPER dark and ominous tone--the song has been tainted, just like Lou's relationship with Grace and Claudia was tainted.

Go AWF, Claudia!

And then she finds ONE, and it was so heartbreakingly touching.

I was hoping she was Alessandra, but nope, she's an AMC!OC, Daciana. I'm assuming they were nodding to one rando revenant:

And she is obviously the same "Anna" the kids were singing about--(very Gaunter O'Dimm of them, I love it 💀)--living like frikkin Baba Yaga in a grimy castle in the woods.

Daciana killed her own fledgling after Claudia blinded him--after the revanant AND Daciana attacked them first, but whatever. Cuz she said he wouldn't be able to hunt/feed with no eyes--so it can't heal; her fledglings are too effed up. She's officially the last one in the area.

And I get it now--the bear(?) head Claudia breaks off of the dead vampire's sarcophagus was a heraldric figurehead. Claudia showed it to Daciana, as a way of asking her who that dead vamp was.

She didn't want to tell them her story or hear theirs--but she wanted them to know about Cezare Romulo (RIP). (It's crazy how in 5 minutes The Vampire Daciana was way more effective than a whole hour of Dierdre Mayfair. 🙄😒) She complimented Claudia's blood, saying it tasted like the cream of the crop. Daciana only told them her name, and that she was waiting for her children--fledglings or real ones, who knows (I bet both).

Only for Daciana to kill herself right in front of them (RIP). 😔🔥

This is so sad, but it was obvious she was gonna do that.

Stop teasing the Children of Darkness after this Alessandra fake-out. She's got the same darkness in her that Nicki (AND Louis) had. And we know where that means. 🔥💀🔥

These vampires are STARVING--hungry for family, love, home: LIFE.

So is Claudia! 😭😭😭 She wants a blood spouse! She wants a companion!

So I LOVE that Morgan clocked Louis on Grace's photo--that ain't yo wife! The gaydar was beeping the second your pretty arse walked in!

Like, it's been established that Louis is a terrible liar-you don't need an investigative journalist to figure that much out. Louis is TOO honest--he was dumb AF for telling Morgan his real name! I get why he did it in the book--again: desperate to make a connection.

But on the show it comes across way different--Louis almost immediately tells Morgan his name (he doesn't do that for Emilia, even though SHE called him pretty! Istg I was picking up some flirtatiousness with Lou & Morgan; put those pheromones AWAY 😂). But you come across MIGHTY SUS if your Black arse is going around switching identities on all these twitchy Europeans, Louis!

Like baaaaaasicallllllyyyyyyy!!! 🤦 You see them shooting up corpses just to make sure--you think they won't shoot YOU!?!

Anyways, it's so cool that they made Morgan a photographer--so is THIS why Louis starts taking photos!? 🤩📸

Cuz I've been wondering how Louis makes money in Paris so they don't have to pickpocket anymore?

I love that they included this.

No matter where they go, they have to pose as Black servants and maids and VALETS and SLAVES, white folk are the same regardless of the country.

Which was an interesting parallel with Daciana, and how much they were hyping up America.

She was clearly nuts, but smart & sane enough to realize that 2 (two!) Black vampires had fled their oh-so-great "land of the free" to come to HER busted AF blown up war-torn country, so why should she expect to have any happiness over there?

I don't know a lick of Romanian, but I wonder if the "another one" she was referring to was the soldier, or the country. As Daciana realized that no matter who she made her new fledgling, and no matter which country she ran to, she'd be alone & unhappy without the people she loved--her HOME.

Home is where the HEART is! Claudia's been homeless this whole time! Daciana's got that huge castle, but lives all alone--she can't make proper fledglings. Meanwhile Louis still thinks NOLA is home, even after they killed everyone who knew them--"including" Lestat!

*sigh* I hate this effing show, it's so dang good. 😭

[thebrookesnook]

Okay I know it's been a while since I've last talked about MILAOWM, bUT HOLY SHIT THE CHAPTER 113 AND 114 IS FUCKING WILD.

Heavy spoilers below and ranting on the recent chapters (mostly chapter 114 with key information from chapters 110-113).

LET'S ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM:

This girl is fucking insane. Literally. Previously when we were given glimpses to the cult-like meeting she was holding in Chapter 74, I had originally thought "Oh this is definitely gonna be relevant later on". WELP, here's the relevancy: turns out Dodolea has more knowledge on the Blood Curse of the Lapileons and SHE was the reason for the Regression of the Victims of the Blood Curse! She has been using human sacrifice from her cult following to, in words of her followers and herself "speak to the gods" (whatever the fuck that means), for powers & spells in order to get what she wanted from the start: Therdeo.

She's so gone off the deep end that the mother of the next in-line sacrifice orchestrated a bombing of a (relatively) small gathering just to kidnap Pereshati for Dodolea. Heavens, the way she freely admitted to her crimes to a bruised up Pereshati, especially the SA of Therdeo that night, without care and STOLE Pereshati's ring (that was given to her by Therdeo a few chapters ago) just to put it on her finger was horrifying and maddening.

Those weren't even the end of it either. Dodolea decided that kidnapping her, telling her she raped her husband, stealing her ring, and being the cause of her (and others') regression wasn't enough humiliation for Pereshati. No no, she decided that she'll humiliate Pereshati even more by drugging one of the nobles the cult kidnapped into raping the MC just to show Therdeo and everyone, in Dodolea's words, "how fickle she is".

...

Dodolea Cantor when I catch you, istg when I catch you-

The fact she's doing all this for her twisted obsession with Therdeo makes me sick. But I'm also curious to know how and when this obsession started, how long has she known about the Blood Curse and why Therdeo?

Considering that all we know of her from the original timeline (pre-Pereshati's regression) was from her limited knowledge that Dodelia had died from unknown causes. So did they perhaps meet beforehand? If so, what happened? Does this have anything to do with the mysterious first wife of Therdeo who divorced him after a few months and left? So many questions Seungu!!! 😭

ANOTHER BIG QUESTION:

Who is Adeus Potson?

I was kind of in-between when his character showed up for the first time. I noticed many of the readers immediately drew up fences thinking he was the second love interest, but so far he hasn't made any advances towards Pereshati. If anything, she doesn't particularly like the guy after she learns about his opinions on Therdeo (we love a partner who sticks up for the SO!!), even so she still gave him medcine and balms to heal his wounds (like my girl Pereshati is too kind). He definitely has an antagonistic relationship with Therdeo but I get the sense it was because his opinion was formed by little to go off of but public opinion OR there was a backstory about these two.

But other than his dynamic with our Pereshati, Therdeo & Rebecca, there's not much left to go off other than it was established he was a journalist, other nobles seem to hate him (Chapter 112) due to his connections (?) and he has a soft spot for common folk (likely one himself previously mayhaps?).

At the end of Chapter 114, he had somehow gotten free from bindings and without hesitation killed the men holding them captive and prevented Pereshati from her fate. I'm taking note of how unbothered he was after killing multiple people with ease. In fact, there was barely any struggle at all. Quite different from our first meeting with him.

Who is this man and what is his relevance to our main characters? How does he fit into the grand scheme of things? What exactly is his relationship with Therdeo?

Last thing I want to touch upon is Celphi's biological mother, Harari Aakman. I'm still undecided what to feel about her yet, so I'll hold my tongue about her until new information is revealed. What I will say about her is that she was going to visit Pereshati in that party which means she was at least considering on talking to her!! Which unfortunately was the same time the bombing happened skksks 😭😭. What luck you Lapileons have I swear.

[gudsouplady]

Watching Sherlock (S1,E3) The Great Game (Spoilers) (Tw: This show has a lot of showing and mentioning of guns,Dead bodies,Drugs,War etc.If you don’t like that stuff then I advise you to not read this post)

• Minsk,Belarus in a jail

• Sherlock grammatically correcting him

• That wasn’t an accident

• Death penalty ????

• I Love the intro (as always)

• Why is Sherlock shooting a gun at the wall ????????????

• John arrived at the perfect time

• He’s that bored

• the head in the fridge

• Sherlock hates the blog

• The whole rant about the solar system is just so funny

• Sherlock would hate tumblr

• John just couldn’t take it and left

• Mrs Hudson !!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Sherlock watching John leave

• “What have you done to my Bl00DY wall ????? ”

• Baker Street exploded 💥

• John stayed at Sarah’s house 🏠

• John made it to Baker Street

• Sherlock and Mycroft

• Person found dead on train tracks

• Mycroft is kinda creepy

• Sherlock just played Mycroft the door 🎻

• Sherlock has been summoned

• “I’d be lost without my blogger”

• Who wrote the letter ✉️ ?????

• The pink phone has returned

• idk what the Greenwich pips are ?????

• A picture of an empty room

• They all blanked Mrs Hudson :(

• A pair of trainers in the middle of the room 👟👟

• Of course it’s a blocked number

• Is the woman ok

• A bomb vest on her body 💣 !!!!

• why does someone want her dead

• Investigating the trainers 👟

• The way John reached in the Sherlock’s coat whilst Sherlock is wearing it

• Text from Mycroft is obviously going be deleted

• The search was completed

• IT’S ANDREW SCOTT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Molly has a boyfriend called Jim

• Jim is causing havoc

• No wonder Molly ran away after your deduction

• The tension between John and Sherlock Istg

• John only wants to help

• John is sherlock’s best man

• John has been notified about the Westie case

• Sherlock finally figured out Carl Powers

• Back at Scotland Yard

• 4 pips and a picture of a car

• Another mysterious phone call from a different person

• They found the car drenched in blood

• Talking to his wife went unsuccessful

• The car is from Janus cars

• The car Dealer was a liar

• The red Laser on the forehead

• Janus cars help Ian disappear to Columba

• Why are there so many running police officers

• A picture of a woman and 3 pips

• An elderly blind woman :(

• “Sudden death” of Connie prince

• John has been set to go to the Prince family

• I don’t like Connie’s brother

• John doesn’t like the cat

• Mrs Hudson has some wise words

• John is on to something !!!!

• Sherlock taking terrible photos

• They figured it out

• The old woman….Nooooooooooooo

• Someone got arrested

• A picture of the Thames

• A dead body on the Thames

• Why is the mouth bruised

• A missing portrait

• Link to a serial killer

• He used to be a security guard

• What did the note say and why did he give it to that woman ????

• John is at Alex’s flat

• The gallery managers necklace is ugly

• “Have a nice day”

• John is just interviewing everyone

• I don’t like Joe

• “Vauxhall Arches”

• Sherlock has a homeless network

• why is Alex there ??????

• Is that the professor from the voicemail

• JOHN ALMOST SAVED SHERLOCK

• Golem got away

• Another victim but it’s a child :(

• 10 seconds…

• He figured it out

• Is the gallery manager a part of the calls ???

• It’s been Moriatry all along

• The body was moved

• Joe killed westie

• Joe tried to hurt John but John was prepared

• Why did Westie not put the memory stick somewhere safe and off his person

• He shoved Westie down the stairs and killed him

• “Look at the turn ups on his jeans”

• Sherlock will get the food shopping 🛒

• Who’s going to meet Sherlock at the pool

• John has the vest on !!!!!!!

• Who wants to hurt John !!!!

• It’s Jim Moriarty !!!!!

• He’s a consulting criminal

• “Daddy’s had enough now”

• “THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE DO”

• John is trying to sacrifice himself for Sherlock

• Lasers on the forehead

• Is he really just going to walk out

• *Moriarty’s surprised face*

• “No you won’t”

• He came back

• is he going to shoot The vest ???????

I rate this episode 10/10 because it was surprising and I loved the reveal of Moriarty as he has been spoken about throughout the series and I’m excited to watch season two

[alchemist-shizun]

I was waiting you've been waiting ... MYATB final ep live reaction!

Somehow even later than last night, not only did I work for 6 hours again, I have guests over, but with no further ado let's begin!

first off i am terrified, somehow, even if im sure everything will be fine

STARTING OFF STRONG WITH THE HUAIBAO FANCAM. Does anybody look at first episodes Xiaobao expressions and how much of a genuine happy and warm smile he had, and now it's been SO LONG since we've seen one. Healthy happiness where are you?

Also. If I had a nickel for each time a danmei character falls off a cliff i'd be fucking rich let's BE REAL

lil meowmeow ...

XIAOBAO IS LOOKING FOR THE PENDANT SOMEBODY HOLD ME BACK

IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S BLOOD XIAOBAO NO WORRIES this is so funny to me

Su Yin it's your turn for some character development come on I believe in you I know you won't disappoint me COME ON

My main question is why make him suffer so much things can be fixed so easily. so easily. oh my god.

Internally I'm also laughing a bit because Su Yin is just saying THIS MAN RUINED YOUR LIFE AND U WANT HIM BACK JUST HOW GOOD WAS THE DICK TELL ME. TELL ME

look at him, moisturized, in his lane, i dont know how the rest of the meme goes but you get it

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. YOU NEED TWO PEOPLE WITH STRONG INTERNAL FORCES. OH MY G O D u mean to tell me both Huai'en and Su Yin need to help him, this makes my ot3 mind go insane. This is beautiful, thank you Que Siming, again, he fixes everything, he is insane

NNNNNNNNNNnNnNnim goinG INSANEEEEE SIMING'S LIL be careful TO JINBAOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOPPPPPP IM SO SOFTTTTTTTT WEEPS WEEPS WEEEEEEEEEEEEEPS.

A few words for Xiaobao in this scene because holy shit. My boy is wholly desperate he'd do anything just to let Huai'en live, his feelings have been a mess for so long but he still finds it in himself to care about him so deeply he's better than any of us

This entire drama has been either of them in bed suffering and the other watching over, beautiful

holy fucking shit they FINALLY kissed. I'm going insane. THEIR HANDS!! THEYRE SO SOFT. Huai'en looks so cute after being kissed, they're so I'm so insane. my children.

i love my sick wife (literally either of them)

THEIR LITTLE SMILESSSS THEYRE SO SOFT AND VULNERABLE I WILL CRY

"swear to god if u and i become like this i give you permission to kill me" the most homophobic gay ever

I think he might really be one of my favourite characters I swear. Give an award to his actor. he is so disgusted by everything I love him

OH WOW OKAY. BATH TIME? Oh my god Su Yin and Huai'en. Here we go. My immediate response is "just kiss about it" but I don't think they will. Their tension would bleed out so easily

OOOO ZHAOCAI'S A MEANIEEEEEEEEEE

huaibao: having a small moment. Su Yin: THIS AINT ABOUT YOU!! i love them all, good god, he is hilarious, his jealousy is visible from three hundred miles

The healing process is so interesting to watch, I could just stare at them work for hours

WHY IS THIS GUY STILL HERE. WHAT. Thats a lot of food for a prisoner. TELL HIM LI GONGXIANG. HE IS SO AWESOME. God I ucking hate this guy.WHY ARE THEY LEAVING HIS CELL DOOR OPEN

HAPPY LITTLE THINGS

"Who am I to be mad at you?" I KNEW ITTTTTT I KNEW YOU'D CAVE SU YIN I LOVE U. WOOOOOOOOO

Heeeeeeeeere comes the cocklockkkk

MY TRIO OF WONDERS TWT <3 MAN the best dumbass trio ever

this is so fucking funny those two are lounging and there the others go being dramatic

im going to cry over su yin and xiaobao's bond again? yes. i am.

Thank u for calling that man a freak xiaobao

SHAOYU?? also this is the first time I see some actual help for starving people, that's a nice touch.

That was the stupidest interaction ever thank you shaoyu

oh he knows. he knows.

XIAOYU EXTERIOR DESIGN PASSION

THE SHADOWS MOVED IN WITH THEM ZHAOCAI NO LONGER ALONE. Also the matching headpieces!

THEY SAVED HIM TWT SHADOWS MY BELOVEDSSSSS

HUAI'EN IS SO HAPPY ABOUT BEING HIS WIFE

xiaoyu istg- HFAHAHAHA SHES DOING IT ON PURPOS. WE'RE ALL LAUGHING AT THEM LIKE ZHAOCAI

PLEASE IM NEARLY CRYINGNFDSAJAHAHAH

HE CANNOT BE JEALOUS ABOUT SU YIN AFTER HE PROPOSED FSJ

NOOOOOOOO WDYM THATS IT??????? NOOOOOOOOO THEY BARELY GOT USED TO EACH OTHERS SMILE. AND NOW IT'S OVER TWT NOOOOOO well that was a wild ride

I dont know what it is about danmei novels and NOT SHOWING ME THEIR WEDDINGS!!! I WANT TO SEE THEM!!

Anyway. WE REACHED THE END. WOW. Insane. Incredible work to all who worked hard to give us our first uncensored Chinese bl, may it pave the path to many more! I had fun waiting for episodes each week, hadn't felt this elated in a long time. I'm sad I cannot look forward to more, but I might get inspired and create some art or fics for this series, who knows owo the actors are too pretty to pass on.

I'm extremely glad we got that Su Yin acceptance arc I have been mentioning, Shaoyu hasn't gotten more bearable but ig he has to mature yet. Xiaoyu was an icon all episode, I must admit, Zhaocai has found his new partner in crime. I also dearly missed Jinbao and Siming as soon as they left :( their energies were something stupendous. I also liked that Huai'en did not go back to see his foster father, he didn't give him the fucking satisfaction. As it should be.

I'm not smart enough to make much more introspection so I think this is where I'll leave it! Come talk to me if you too have nobody to discuss this series with lmao, askbox is always open. Time for a deepdive into the tag now. I hope I see more of this soon!

A big pat on the back to all those of us who suffered to this day. WORTH IT WORTH IT.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT

[sunnyhvnny]

My Thoughts on House of The Dragon Season 2 Episode 2: Rhaenrya The Cruel

The first episode was a little disappointing so I hope this one is better. More fast paced maybe or things that are done on purpose rather then things happening by a misunderstanding (I’m looking at you Blood & Cheese)

Spoilers below the cut.

Things I Liked

TGC’s acting as Aegon as he grieves his son is 😚 🤌🏽*chefs kiss*. We don’t get anyone else really grieving this so I’m surprised we got it from Aegon.

“I can’t trust you, Daemon.” Probably the smartest thing Rhaenrya could possibly do.

The scene between Jace and Baela was cute. It also kind of gives the vibe that they’ve talked about things like this before.

👀 Addam of Hull is fine. He’s got daddy issues but don’t we all lol.

This show does a lot of stupid shit but this episode there’s a good amount of focus on secondary characters and small folk and I like that. It makes the world feel more well rounded.

Erryk and Arryk. I have no more words.

The writers may not care about Aegon but TGC sure does and that might just be enough.

Things I’m Unsure Of

I don’t like the procession to show off Jaehaerys. However, I understand why it’s being done. I just think it would have been been better if it was Aegon and Helaena. Because 1) they’re the king and queen now and 2) they’re the parents. I don’t see why Alicent had to be up there.

I wasn’t the biggest fan of Daemon in season one but I did still find him somewhat fascinating. So far this season he’s just pissing me off.

Criston Cole projecting onto Arryk is bullshit. “The white cloak is a sign of our purity” he says even though he was busy not being pure with Alicent. Blaming Arryk for his twin being on the other side makes me so mad because last episode Daemon was blaming Erryk for his brother siding with the greens.

I’m liking Mysaria. I’m just not sure if they’ll keep her consistent or interesting but for now I like her.

Just gonna drop a Dearon mention in there. Alicent isn’t even the one to mention him either!

Things I Hated

Why can’t they just call him Jaehaerys? Why do they keep calling him ‘The Boy’. I feel like not calling him by his name just dehumanizes him and makes what happened seem like it’s not that big of a deal.

Aegon and Helaena could have grieved together. If not as husband and wife then at least as brother and sister. Istg if that stairway scene is all we get I’m going to go batshit.

Aemond taking Daemon trying to have him killed as a compliment is crazy. Like he should be mourning his nephew and being there for his siblings but he’s just like “😍 Daemon sees me as a competitor.”

Alicent and Criston really don’t have any chemistry.

Overall Thoughts on Ep. 2

6.5/10

[Highlights: Arryk & Erryk and TGC as Aegon]

[autistic-crypt1d]

Stargate Universe Live Blogging:

Season 2

AHHH THE CLIFFHANGERS

S1

Updates:

- Intervention

- she's having a near death hallucination

- uhhh WHAT??? Chloe spontaneously healing is so not ok

- the commander is dead!!!! I have no idea if this is gonna make things better or worse

- Scott and Greer sneaking is so funny

- alright I like the runner dude

- she lost her baby 😭

- they did it!!!!

- OH?!?!?!?!? IT WAS REAL??!?!?!?

- Aftermath

- uhhhh wtf is that room

- other chair room????

- ah hell Rush

- damn it Rush!

- now they've lost the only shuttle they had. Great job.

- god damn it Rush!!! He's worse than Rodney!!!

- Riley :(

- Scott and Eli both being super unsure about using c4 is so funny, I love them

- oh god 😭

- Awakenings

- dock with it??? With what??? WHAT IS THAT???

- the actress playing Rush's life has gotta be pregnant, the way they're framing her makes it so obvious XD

- ah hell what the fuck is that

- WHAT THE FUCK

- oop

- way to go TJ XD

- it's so cute 😭

- Scott sharing a fruit with my omfg 😭

- uh oh

- WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING IT'S NOT DOING ANYTHING

- STRESS

- OH HELL

- :(

- guys I'm so fucking depressed

- Pathogen

- uh oh

- Eli and Scott talking about Chloe 😭

- wtf is he doing???

- I love seeing Wray getting to see her wife again 😭

- oh no, Wray's wife :(

- Eli and his mom 😭

- Cloverdale

- trippy

- Scott envisioning Young as his father is so AHHHH 😭

- yikes Scott

- GOD DAMN!

- oop that's ominous

- Trial and Error

- oh shit fight time

- WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE STAY OUT THERE???? HE HAD SO MUCH FUCKING TIME TO GO BACK INSIDE

- ok so it's not real but still, INFURIATING

- Greer smiling at Eli getting along with this girl is so cute wait 😭

- did someone do something to his drink?? He's always drinking right before this happens

- aww they're so cute 😭

- The Greater Good

- pfffft not Wray interrupting Eli and Ginn XD

- new ship, can only end well

- omfg finally they've found out!!!

- seriously Young???? Why the fuck do you have to solve every god damn thing with violence????

- LET'S GOOOOOO

- YES ELI THANK YOU!!!

- bro LEAVE HER ALONE

- I hate this dude so much FUCK OFF

- Malice

- HE KILLED HER?!?!?!?

- take that mf down istg

- LET'S GO RUSH!!!

- oooo alien animal

- Visitation

- hello?????

- WHAT???

- is her baby gonna be on board????

- :(

- Eli is so sweet 😭

- oh hell

- I'm guessing that any of them trying to remember is gonna do that to them too

- head trauma??? Ok so maybe she was killed by that on the planet and her remembering cause it to like, re-happen? They're all dead aren't they

- owie :(

- they're dead

- Resurgence

- oooo mysterious, this will go well

- spooky

- "wow what did I just say" XD the sass

- T.J. and that Lucian dude are really cute

- ah hell

- "hey we have more monitors"

- PFFFT Brody running into the poll is so funny

- TELFORD?!?!?!

- GEEZ CHLOE!!!

- PFFFT Eli holding his hands up at her after she whooped that guard is so fucking funny XD

- I mean, calling the other aliens isn't the worst idea tbh. They want the ship, they're not gonna let those drones destroy it

- these drone enemies are so interesting I wanna know more about them so bad

- Volker and Brody are so funny I love them

- oh fuck

- PFFFFT THE TEST BONK

- oh god wait no that's so sad :(

- LET'S GO ELI!!!!

- the friendship Chloe and Rush have is so unexpectedly wholesome

- I forgot to divide Resurgence and Deliverence but idk where it ended so that's both of them

- Twin Destinies

- oh???

- they were all volunteering 😭

- bro Telford chill

- are we seriously gonna have 2 Rushes now????

- what if somehow that timeline's team isn't dead, what if they just got sent somewhere? Or somewhen like SG1 did and Sheppard did?

- OH FUCK

- ah, no, he's gonna stay :(

- weird how literally everyone died but we still have all the same characters

- Alliances

- oh good, the Lucian Alliance is coming

- ah yes, the perfect room to dive into Greer

- I don't trust Evans

- OH

- fuck that was gnarly

- I KNEW EVANS WAS SHADY

- uhhhh what????

- well said Chloe

- Varro tried to hard

- 😭

- Chloe loses another parental figure

- are Wray and Sharon not married??

- Hope

- GINN?!?!?!?!?!?

- uh, what's happening to Volker

- bro not Volker too 😭

- everyone giggling at the dick joke after all the tension is so wholesome

- oh god

- BRUH

- AMANDA?!?!?!?!

- Brody, Park, seriously????

- awww, wholesome Greer Volker moment 😭

- BRODY XD

- STRESS

- please tell me Greer isn't gonna die from this

- Seizure

- RODNEY!!!!

- Eli and Rodney, a duo that I never knew I needed

- I got a bad feeling about what Rush is doing

- welp, bad feeling confirmed

- god damn it Amanda

- fuck dude...

- are they dead????

- oh not dead ok

- The Hunt

- why tf is Greer out in the field???

- ah hell

- let Varro helppppp he's experienced AND he's totally in love with TJ. He will find them

- Rush did that didn't he. To teach Eli a lesson

- oh fuck

- how does something that big move so fast?!?!?!?!

- I can't tell what it's reacting to the fire about

- interesting

- "about none, but I managed to lose them" XD

- AHHH SO CLOSE!!!

- PFFFT well I guess the lesson he taught them took XD

- Common Descent

- god damn it not these things again

- HUH?!?!?!

- THE ALTERNATE CREW DID SURVIVE!!!! I KNEW IT!!!

- this is wild wtf

- see, Young that's a fantastic idea

- Young is the father??? Man Varro and her thoooo

- who did Eli have kids with???

- OH FUCK

- :(

- Epilogue

- this is the second to last episode, I'm not ready for this to be over

- the elevator music XD

- yeah, shooting the door was bound to have some repercussions

- oh god yeah, they discovered his kidney failure after the twin destinies, dude that's so sad

- it makes me sad she didn't end up with Varro in that timeline, but I hope she does in this one

- MATT LOOKS SO WEIRD WITH LONGER HAIR

- PFFFT THE BIRTH MONTAGE

- ok Eli had a baby with random infirmary girl XD

- oh god TJ :(

- 😭

- they're gonna have to leave the cures behind aren't they

- I don't understand why they have to stay, why can't the transfer just keep going until it fails?

- welp doesn't matter now ig

- VARRO!!!!

- god DAMN it dude 😭

- HE'S ALIVE!!!!!

- LET'S GOOOO!!!!

- of course the cure wasn't in the files that they got 😭

- stop I'm gonna cry 😭

- Blockade

- we didn't get to see them get dropped off, that sucks

- dude that 1000% looked like a Goa'uld mothership, until they said drones I was like ??????

- ah hell

- WOAH WHAT?!?!?!?

- BUILDINGS?!??!?!

- oh fuck

- ah hell

- I HATE THAT DUDE SO MUCH, LET'S GO JAMES!!!

- LET'S GO VARRO!!!!! I LOVE THAT GUY!!!!

- STRESSSSS

- LET'S GO ELI!!!!!

- HOLY SHIT

- THAT'S HOW IT ENDS?!?!?!?!? WHAT?!?!??

- I'm so upset right now 😭

- WAIT THERE'S ONE MORE

- Gauntlet

- :(

- this sucks so bad

- Eli and his mom 😭

- let's go Park!!!!

- LET'S GOOOOO!!!!

- I'm really sad now :(

- goodbye SGU, you were a really amazing show 💛

[slushi-chan]

YOU GET IT

I get so pissed and annoyed with this fandom drawing art of Bo hating Vincent and being cruel as adults! Could I see Bo resentful or cruel at a young age towards his twin? Yeah, of course! But for near 20 years all they have is each other in a damn near toxic co dependent unhealthy way because of their shitty parents

BO WAS BLEEDING EVERYWHERE AND VOMITING IN THE SINK WITH AN ARROW IN HIM AND TWO VICTIMS ESCAPED ON THE RUN AND COULD ESCAPE FOR GOOD FOR ALL THEY KNEW AND VINCENT AS HEAD STRONG AS HIS TWIN WENT LOOKING FOR VICTIMS ALONE WHEN BO NEEDED HIM AS A TEAM

I'd be fucking pissed too!!!

And Bo STILL in that moment felt guilty for calling his brother a freak just to hurt him and tried complimenting and reassuring him.

Trust me, I am not good with forgiving ppl that can't apologize bc I personally suck up my pride and do it if I care but then again Bo goes out of his way to talk to Vince right away when my sister would've called me every name in the book, we would've argued and left without a word

And this man that suffered so much trauma and so much hate at such a young age STILL has a soft spot for his twin and STILL tries in his own fucked up way right away to make amends for snapping at him

I'm sorry, yes, Bo is shitty. He's a rapist, sadist, murderer, toxic, manipulative, controlling.

But I physically cannot see fanart of Bo abusing Vincent cruelly bc idc he would never. Istg ppl just saw Bo be mean to his brother in a shitty situation and since he didn't apologize (He tried in his way) then he must be abusive to Vince too! If anything they both resent each other yet if one dies the other might as well die too

No hate to the author who will be unnamed (I don't remember their name anyways 😅) but there was one fanfic of Bo beating his 'wife' reader because another man said hi to her and he does this regularly then ties her up when they got KIDS and I cannot see it. Not for a guy saying hi that was gonna get killed anyways. Could I see Bo 'taking what's his' to mark reader sexually? Sadly yeah his boundaries with women are non existent but a WIFE? He would have to be insane with jealousy and idc I can't see someone finally loving him and putting him first over his twin for the first time ever being his punching bag. A captive reader that develops stockholm syndrome and disobeys? Yeah probably bc he doesn't 'love' them. But a wife with kids???? Uh uh. That man would seperate his domestic life and violence as much as he could just my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own renditions and dark material but I feel the fandom makes Bo way more hateful than he is

Carly was a woman he instantly looked at as prey and was a victim he knew was dying so if he had to have fun cutting off a finger or SA her in the basement then in his warped mind why not? That imo is ttly different than his brothers or fictional kids or S/o IM JUST SAYING!!

(Sorry for the rambling I have a hard time finding others that see Bo is more than the unreliable narrorator Carly is in the film that is done so subtly and Bo IS a pos that's its easy to overlook)

Also Vincent is shown to be strong and he kills more than Bo does in the movie, he could stand up for himself but he doesn’t, because Bo isn’t abusing him, not to mention him holding Bo’s dead beaten body and cry yelling to the best of his ability, they clearly care about each other.

I feel like people see that one scene and the opening and assume Bo is angry and abusive all the time (also people can write him however they want but I feel like I see a lot of people boiling his character down to just being angry and violent and mean) and he had behavior problems as a kid but just because he did and is mean in one scene doesn’t mean that’s just how he is, people change as they get older, I had anger issues as a kid (I now realize it was probably related to my ADHD I didn’t know I had back then) I acted out when I got mad, I was violent sometimes, now as an adult I don’t act out anymore, I don’t even get as angry, there’s no reason Bo couldn’t have changed or learned to cope as he got older, even with all the shitty toxic shit as a kid, once he was older he could have worked on it himself, we don’t know but like people just assume oh he was an angry kid with behavioral issues and he yelled at Vince as an adult and don’t take in any other context from the scene and decide he’s angry and has anger issues and that’s his entire character.

Also I agree he wouldn’t treat a wife like that, man was not given love as a kid he wouldn’t risk the person who actually loves him, plus we see he clearly cares about Vince, when he tells him ‘Ma would be proud’ he’d be the same way if he fell in love with someone I think, he’d try his best to make up when he did fuck up, he’d show he cares

Is Bo a bad person, yes he very much is, he does horrible things including heavily implied SA, and he has no problem murdering people, but he’s not rotten to the core with no redeeming anything who’s only bad with no good

No one take this as you’re wrong or bad for your interpretation of Bo, if someone wants to write him like that go ahead, you do you, it’s your writing and you should do what you want, I just wish more people looked deeper into Bo’s character and thought more critically instead of just accepting Carly, a victim who only sees a small window of the Sinclair’s life and behavior, as the truth

Actually I think it was one of your posts I saw that made me see Bo this way, you were the one who converted me lol

[fdrsamericanflagduckfloaty]

Can I have a random history fact that you really like for some reason? I want to annoy my family with history facts. If you have a list that’d be amazing infodump on me-

oh my god ok sO

i'd say a favorite would be, because TR could be such a FUCKING IDIOT, he was at this little formal reception right? And he was speaking with Mark Hanna, and accompanying Hanna was a Frenchwoman named Henriette Adler. And TR was so enthusiastic and energetic in his speaking (in rapid French) that his arm started to get closer to her bodice (almost destroying it/knocking it off.). But INSTEAD, this DUMBASS proceeded to accidentally elbow a silk rose and some gauze off. He started apologizing profusely but did NOT STOP THE WAR RHETORIC in FRENCH and thankfully it was fixed by someone getting a safety pin.

But that was. So. Not okay 😭😭 it was recreated in a Rough Riders 2 part tv mini-series and it's so embarrassing each time I watch istg

NEXT okay this is gonna seem rlly not-detailed but when you have a PDF of a TR book you can get details mkay

so like Alice Roosevelt, badass bitch, smoked while she was a teen. Okay?? Well I was reading a book on her and TO MY SURPRISE she let her 13 YEAR OLD BROTHER (Kermit) smoke a cigar with her. IS THAT NOT- okay im- a little bit OUT THERE but i digress

Also the entire Bisexual JFK theory is. Very very believable but I WILL NOT GET INTO THAT but tbh he probably was BUT ANYWAY

Also wanted to mention this list on wiki exists

And the GHWB incident is that this mf, AS THE PRESIDENT, vomited and then fainted on THE PRIME MINISTER OF JAPAN AT THE TIME. america has the stupidest stories ever i swear to god

This next one, which is also stupidly funny as fuck to me but also hella messed up, is that, okay, so TR had a riding accident when he was younger when Alice was still a tiny toddler. And he returned home with fucked clothing, a broken arm, and a bloody face. Like he looked like he was a murderer mk. And he, yknow, sees his daughter, goes running to her. She fucking SCREAMS. this man is NOT her father who is this RED MAN GET HIM AWAY WHAT THE HELL.

But he catches her and he's all bloody and sweaty and she is SCREAMING so he. Guess what. Does not put her down. Does not try to CALM HER DOWN.

He SHAKES HER. and im sorry but the image 😭 bloody ass TR shaking his daughter like a rattle im sorry

but when she DOES NOT CALM DOWN AS ONE WOULD NOT AND SCREAMS LOUDER, he SHAKES HER HARDER. i cannot make this shit up

im

i

oh my god anyways

also you likely know this but when it was thought that tomatoes were poisonous, Thomas Jefferson really ate one in front of people and they thought he was dying but when he was fine they were like "..... what the fuck"

Aaron Burr also lit himself on fire TWICE

Burr also bought a coconut for like 70 dollars or smth

(im just listing shit i know i cant think of any faves rn my brain blanked as soon as i read ur ask)

!! A favorite WOULD be that TR killed a man with his bare hands and was like rlly pumped about it but you already know that

And when some of his men were like 'we are NOT going up hill no ohmg' he was like 'DO IT OR I KILL YOU MYSELF' and they, yknow, ran up the hill

because. that is. threatening

I also would like to mention the insanity that was Lincoln liking cats and Lincoln growing a beard because a child more or less said he was ugly without one and Lincoln also maybe being bisexual

JFK's nickname by his wife, Jackie, was Bunny, bc apparently he fucked like a rabbit hjkglkmhklhkmkljk

Buchanan (James Buchanan, yknow, a president) might've been gay

Thomas Jefferson also called John Adams a hermaphrodite and i find that funny but also like. why. wh. where did you get that

Also this isnt a history fact but if i wanted to i could probably gaslight someone into thinking Andrew Jackson was on bathsalts bc a podcast i was watching mocked him by saying he was on bathsalts and tbh. accurate

Jefferson also had a ram on the White House grounds and did not get rid of it until AFTER it either harmed or killed a little boy

Harry S Truman and Ulysses S Grant both have an S as their middle name, but both of those S's mean nothing. Neither. Crazy that both S mean absolutely nothing

Grant's first name was also Hiram!!

Truman and his wife also needed to replace a bed during the white house cause they may or may not have *slams barbies together* so hard that they broke the bed

I'd also like to say the William Howard Taft bathtub myth is false klhmkhmj but ALSO i find it rlly sweet how, during TR's funeral, he was sobbing because, even tho TR was bitter during him for their last few years, Taft still considered TR a friend, and when Archie (TR's second youngest son--youngest at his funeral, as Quentin died in 1918) noticed him sobbing he was like 'come over here, you're a family friend.'

i forget the exact line but it was something close to that effect. So even though TR held a grudge, his kids didn't.

Apparently TR and Edith also fought like their entire marriage over how to pronounce Tomato and I'd like to know how he pronounced it cause wtf do you mean

ALSO for once it is not American BUT: Winston Churchill and his wife, Clementine, had nicknames for each other. Animal nicknames. His was Pig. I forget hers but. Really. P i g .

She also once threw a plate of something (asparagus or smth i dont remember) at his face and it instead hit the wall so like bad bitch moment

And finally:

all of our presidents were DUMBASSES <3

(also the Hoover Dam is named after Herbert Hoover, not J. Edgar Hoover, i think that's a common misconception.)

OH the Roosevelts also had a pet racoon for a period of time. so whenever i see something reference the Coolidge's pet racoon, Rebecca, I want to be like 'yknow the roosevelts had one pre-white-house days'

i hope thats enough idk

[uselessgayshit]

CR Campaign 3 Episode 1 Liveblog 1/2

Probably gonna put the first half in one and the second half in another.

-Is that Mary Elizabeth McGlynn being his wife????? like that also doesn't really look like her but it has to be

-The set looks so good absolutely fuck off my friends

-Marisha???? why are you wearing that??? are you trying to kill me????

-Matt looks sooooo young 'cause he shaved his beard

-Travis and Marisha next to each other? big brain moves

-Ashley and Laura next to each other???? gonna fucking die

-is Matt talking faster than normal because i need him to slow down so i can take in every. single. detail

-DUET already????? someone was gonna be related, I SAID IT

-Laura is not a southern bell i swear to god

-Marisha's character is a Yasha cosplay lmao, and her accent/voice has absolutely fucking killed me

-i'm already shipping them and it only has to do with their character voices lmao

-call Imogen "darling" one more time, Laudna, istg

-is this leonin npc just John Mulaney? lmao

-Laudna is giving me BIG sara jessica parker in hocus pocus vibes

-ASHTON IS SOOOOOOO GENDER (also a Gen Z-er?????)

-a cleric warforged?????? (inserte BEYONCE???? meme)

-the fuck gender duo is something else

-we've got 2 southern accents which is one more than last time so my only theory so far is that in campaign 4, there will be 3 southern accents

-Somewhere in Exandria, Beau is bursting with pride and doesn't know why...its Ashton btw

-not to bring everything back to the Mighty Nein but currently we have off-brand, Yasha, Fjord, and Beau. I said what i said. do not come for me

-I know Sam (or Liam by proxy) is trying to troll, but Fresh Cut Grass is beyond the pale

-ROBBIE?????? ROBBIE????? THEY’RE ALREADY DOING GUESTS????

-love that they brought in an EXU character

-IS ASHLEY PLAYING FEARNE???? THE FUCK

-which would mean Liam is Orym???? honestly good for them

-not to be on my bullshit, but you give me Fearne and goth Laudna in the same campaign and i'm NOT supposed to ship another Marisha/Ashley pairing. okay, okay, okay fuck off

-the fact that this actually cements everything Aabria did in EXU and all the canon she made is sooooo awesome. like i know they said it, BUT, seeing it is come through is awesome!

-Fearne's hand and Laudna's hand. what is the connection???? the spider queen???? the raven queen???? need to know thank you very much

-Fearne just collecting the emblems of the gods as she goes

-Surprise! Travis isn't in this campaign

-was i expecting a battle in the first half? absolutely not, no way

-TRAVIS NEEDS TO BE A GODDAMN ARTIFICER BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE

-also, not to be throwing shit on Liam, but i'm really tired of him playing a moody boi, and Orym was the worst of them all. cause like Vax was moody af but charismatic, and Caleb was moody but intelligent and had cool magic shit, but Orym felt like fighter version of Caleb which is just a more boring moody boi and i don't know if i can do it for a whole campaign without losing my goddamn shit

-Matthew "snaps a mini in half in episode one" Mercer

-a grandpa???? in CR???? more likely than you think

-Bertrand Bell making a nice comeback????

-we straight up have not been paying any attention to this combat because we've been talking about our own game lore lmao but fighting furniture is by far a first game combat if i've ever seen one

-its wild for them to have pitched this as the easiest campaign to enter CR world and then have 4 PCs who were involved in previous stories lmao

-we were having a drinking game about what our character guesess were but i guess the three of us watching have to take a shot together now because we've been completely bamboozled by their lack of creativity. 2 fighters and 2 sorcerers? the fuck are we doing my dudes

-i lose my shit every time matt says fresh cut grass. don't know how he does it with a straight face

-not to be rude to travis but bertrand bell is the same accent as fjord right now

-"your fingers were drippin'" LMAO ROBBIE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

-the fanart for Bertrand is just Travis in like thirty years

-one thing i never expected, this fucking presidency thing to come around again NO WAIT ITS GALE I JUST ASKED FOR THIS AND PRAYED FOR HER THANK YOU

Okay, well these are my thoughts on the first half. I'll add my thoughts on the second half as we go.

[twd-obsessed-bitch]

11x07 thoughts and spoilers below friends

Instead of making a bunch of posts I'm just gonna collect them all here

-Okay we're starting off with a Maggie & Negan promise, i think what Maggie said it right, they will never be even, but a truce to be able to help each other (and themselves) is necessary for survival so I'm glad they did their little handshake in front of Gabe

-"I think you're a woman of your word and I've always been a man of mine" Negan out here putting respect on Maggie's name and I appreciate it. She doesn't need to forgive nor forget tho

-Princess holding Ezekiels head and shoulder asking what she can do, I love it!!

-"kinda anti friends who die from stubbornness" princess I adore you

-Yumiko calling out bullshit left and right is my sexuality now.

-daryl and dog out here being cuties

-they keep saying that they don't have time to waste and stuff and then they take the what 2 hours to dig a grave. Bro.

-"this is not fun" "well not with that attitude" Negan I'll always love you no matter how big of a dick you are

-Pope quiet down you're not scary

-Why does Daryl's scar look... Fresh? Like it should be a scar but it looks like it was reopened

-is it bad that I don't listen to anything Pope says? Like he's out here yelling and it just sounds like white noise to me while I admire Daryl Dixon

-that's a nice lake

-God I wanna punch Leah

-whisperer!Maggie and supportive!Negan

-they can't find any tracks but Gabe's just out here sitting in a tree lmao

-Yumikos brother getting taken away and then the announcement of "that's the commonwealth way" that's eerie

-I have some thoughts about that Maggie and Negan scene , no I don't ship them that's icky, but my thoughts gotta be a separate post

-ANGRY YUMIKO ANGRY YUMIKO

-sorry strong powerful angry women are my weakness

-who is that???

-Daryl's not actually gonna kill that guy is he? Daryl doesn't just kill random dudes without reason, istg.

-the walker coral is uh neat I guess

-FINALLY SOME NEGAN POV ABOUT SEASON 6 I've been waiting for this.

-"if I could do it again I'd have killed every single one of you" Negan, damn

-that blood on Eugene's arm looks like a bite

-HAPPY EZEKIEL OMG HE'S SO CUTE

-Princess' face at the lollipop is adorable

-go Eugene omg the character development!

-this little rich boy needs to be brought down a peg and a punch in the nose clearly didn't do it. Try biting his dick next time Eugene that worked with Dwight

-is that the real Stephanie? I feel like that's the real Stephanie, the one with Eugene is a plant.

-i hope Yumiko can meet up with the others soon, so they stop doing dumb shit(mainly Eugene)

-what a comfy little cell

-"you could've been a hero, protect the governors son" HE DID???? The son was a dick, also we killed the Governor like 6 years ago tf?

-i would immediately get kicked out of the commonwealth omg

-so what's the plan when they start shooting the walkers?

-oh his wife is gonna diieeeeee

-I knew they weren't gonna make Daryl kill innocent people that don't ask for it

-what is Daryl gonna tell her?

-Maggie is Alpha now

-oh shit that's his sister. That's fucking rough buddy

-THE HAND HOLD FOR COMFORT AW

[itgirlgyurecs]

okay lemme just start by this simple comment, this was FUCKING INSANE MY GOD! I had my hand on my mouth in awe like the entire chapter.

I've been keeping up with this since the beginning although I couldn't comment back then ( I intend to read this again hehe) and this story has gripped me so much from the beginning, and oh my god to this would be their end, oh how fucming naive I was. Lord this was like the best book I've ever read, like straight up the best. the way it is written, the characterization, and how like flawed they are and still I cannot find fault in them just because how human their mistakes were, istg my heart aches for everyone in this story, like the emotions I've felt through this entire time I can't explain in mere words I'm punching air rn.

like bro i get beomgyu and I feel so fucking bad for him too, like I was thinking about it and like we have so many ppl feeling bad for oc or taehyun, which is rightfully deserved THEY WENT THROUGH SHIT, but like yo beomgyu I just feel so bad for him, bc i too have this shit in the back of my head that I cannot just push away which is, they were meant to be! they were meant to have that life they dreamt of together like if only the king wasn't such a cunt, and like even beomgyu, he wanted to give up his title, I'm not shaming oc she did what she had to do, but beomgyu just wanted her; he loved her, and she loved him too so why couldn't they just be together

now before I get onto this chapter and scary things, THE SMUT THE SMUT YO LIKE BEFORE THEM LIKE DOING THE KILLING STUFF TO EACH OTHER, YO I love beomgyu ( and I will keep on saying this number of times during this, don't play any drinking game with it, I'm not tryna catch the case for someone's liver cirrhosis for it) yO BEOMGYU WAKING HIS PREGNANT WIFE UP WITH SOME GOOD OL PUSSY LICKINg and getting off that?!? yo where do I sign up for that service now?

and him being so eager to be like spit on his tongue?! hm YES AND HUMPJNG?!? YES!! BEING CALLED OCS DOG AND WANTING TO A WEAD fucking Leash?! double yes!! I'm sorry but no one is winning against BEOMGYU HES THE IT GUY I LOVE HIM man was good, also thr nipple licking scene yo like the evolution!(?) of oc like beomgyu gotta thank taehyun for getting our girlie to become a bit more provocative bc i don't see beomgyu complaining about that shit ay ( I mean she always was but yk)

now like coming back the serious business, like I love how in the whole like latter half of the back we see our. oc having like illusions of the reality sneaking into because the crack left by the guilt that even beomgyus love cannot cover up, but in this chapter we see it breaking piece by piece, wonder if now the baby is there too, like in a way a symbol of her betrayal to taehyun, along with all the people talking behind her, but chae confronting her really got the nail in the coffin. the entire progression to the nightmare was so so so so chef kiss, I LOVE WHEN BOTH OF THESE MEN WENT I CAN GIVE YOU A BABY! (dums dums I love it) also I know I shouldn't be praising the angry nightmare sex but that shit was sooooo good I love when taehyuns gets nasty and angry it so sexy but the bit where he had that gash on his neck and the blood was like draining off his body am do to oc that scene was written like so well it gave me goosebumps.

YO AND THE KAI AND OC CONVERSATION+!? HOLD ON LIKE

//There is no way. He’s been doomed since the second he laid eyes on you. You should’ve left him alone. If you had just done that, he would’ve been safe."//

the way you word these I just feel like. the dagger has been pushed through my own heart it makes us in the shoes of the oc, the one who is being accused it actually feels bitter and scary like what if the person accusing me hates me forever albeit knowing they have nothing but venom in their heart stored in for me, YOUR WRITING IS BEWITCHING!!!!

albeit I would like scoff at kai for the comments he's passed at oc for like telling her to leave taehyun , or tell her to die by his side and do some good for once I'm her fuckin life when he's thr one who pushed oc out of his brothers life and then getting mad at her for like getting pregnant? what did he expect oc to do? just be a fucking show piece for beomgyu?

but then again he's in the cell of the kingdom. that has waged a war against his and his brother is supposed to be here for execution, can't blame him too much!

NOW COMING TO MY FAVOURITE FVOUR FAVOURITE FAVOURITE FAVOURITE FAVOURITEEEEEEEEEEEE PART OF THIS FUCKING FIC ( oooooooooooo if I dare to say hahah) OC KILLING BEOMGYU and BEOMGYU YELLING THR GUARDS TO BACK THR FUCK. OFF YO if my man ain't this crazy I dont him this is why I fucking love beomgyuuuuuu yo he's my my my main lead he's my guy he's my ride or die BECAUSE YES YES YES YES FUCMING YES WHEN HE KILLED OC like idk if he wanted to kill her or the baby ( I hope its her) because like yo he wanted to be with her and yk what I feel like beomgyu migjr even feels happy that he died in the hands of our oc he's twisted and in love like that and I RESPECT IT and when he pushed his sword and oc was like he won't hurt me, BABY he didn't mean that heeant you LEAVE WITH HIM! I love this, beomgyu to the type who'd get a boner when you tell him you're mine and so I have the right to kill you, he would vibe with me sm ( jk jk jk I'm a 20s bollywood girlie)

also the fact we can see that beomgyu was like let's meet in next life while oc hoped for them to be together but as stars, just away from thsi mess like somes up this love story pretty well at least for me. beomgyu isn't guilty of any of this, if it's for him, for this love he will cause blood shed and pure chaos again to attain this love but even if oc loves him just as so, this situation, this mess doesn't come easy to her. she will never be able to be in peace with it. I cant like. judge the difference between their nor can I explain it in words but I think i get ( imagine if it's completely different lmao)

now to conclude, I actually love that we had taehyun in the end to talk, like i didn't know what to expect from that convo but I'm glad it happened and I wonder how it wouldn't effect taehyun too like how would be like, will he actually fall in love again? lile truly?

but my god I can't believe this story had ended like I-I'm actually emotional the reason why I didn't read it the day it released bc I wanted to like calm myself to read it fully and just grasp each bits to cherish each bit and I'm gonna miss it so so so much I don't think any story will like have the place of yamqn in my head or. my heard like it has its own special folder, its my heirloom now, thank you so much for writing this and sharing this with us, FOR FREE! yoire the best, I'll be waiting for the sequel like I'mma camp on your profile and like I'll be here for any work you do anyway!

again thank you so much for this, you're the best author in tumblr for me!!!!! you go author!!! thank you so much! yamqn forever!! on beomgyu we trust to ruin shit even in next life, and yk what I'll be in the front seat rooting anyway!

You Are My Queen Now | Final Part

Word Count: 15.4k

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: somnophilia, dry humping, thigh riding, cunnilingus, mentions of domestic abuse, physical fight, handjob, boobjob, gyu being pussy whipped, slutshaming, gore, major character death, and some other warnings i can't give without spoiling the ending but just know it's a very dark fic

“Beomgyu, what are you doing? Get down from there!” You shout, noticing Beomgyu scaling one of the nearby walls of the garden. 

“I’ll be right down” He yells back to you over his shoulder. 

“You’re not a boy anymore. You could fall down and hurt yourself.”

“I won’t.” He protests stubbornly, his words faltering as he almost loses his footing on the wall, making you gasp, your heart plummeting down the same way you imagined he would have. 

“Beomgyu, don’t stress me out like this. It’s bad for the baby.” You wail, your pregnant state lending a nice vulnerable effect to your pleading words. It works very well because in the next moment Beomgyu gives in and starts climbing back down the wall. He walks towards you with shoulders slumped and a dejected frown on his face 

“What has gotten into you?” You ask him and he shrugs. “I wanted to get you a sunflower.” 

You furrow your eyebrows at the silly reason behind his dangerous action, an unwanted memory of pearl necklaces and bloody bandages springing forth into your mind. You shake your head to dispel the intrusive thoughts. “You could’ve had one of the gardeners get one.” 

“But that’s not the same.” He whines, plopping down to the floor next to you. “I wanted to get you one, you know, like old times. But all I got are these stupid flowers.” He throws said flowers at your feet, sulking. 

You roll your eyes at his little tantrum. “Beomgyu, you shower me in gifts every day.” 

“I know but it doesn’t mean much anymore. I want to give you something meaningful to cheer you up.” He sighs, getting closer to you and cupping your face between his hands. You refrain from pulling back at his words that remind you why you’re in such a sour mood. “I hate seeing you so sad.” 

Lately, there have been a lot of unflattering rumors swirling around about you following your wedding and especially after your pregnancy has been announced. People have been calling you all kinds of nasty things–a homewrecker, a cheater, disloyal, unworthy… and of course, a whore. 

Among Taehyun’s supporters, you’re seen as an adulterer who betrayed her husband and spread her legs for the king in order to win the crown. They theorize that you’ve been prostituted since a young age by your own father (a claim you have no doubt has been pushed primarily by Heejin’s family) and planted at the palace to seduce to the younger prince before jumping to Taehyun when the king refused to let Beomgyu marry you, then jumping back to Beomgyu when his father was out of the picture. 

Even among those who support Beomgyu, you’re seen as a low-born noble who clawed her way up the ranks by seducing the king and having him get rid of his rightful wife. They believe you not fit to be his queen, that you’re below him because you’re not only not royal but that you don’t even bring him or the kingdom any political or monetary advantages. On the contrary, you only bring them war and death. 

Neither side is kind to you. They both see you as the whore who bewitched the two men. How else could a woman of your standing get these two powerful men to fight over you to the death like this? 

“I only wanted to do good.” You look down in pain. You didn’t expect Taehyun’s men and his people to hold any fondness for you but for even Beomgyu’s vassals and the common people to view you so disfavorably? It crushed you. "I tried to help them. Why are they doing this?"

“Do you want me to stop the project? Round up those who talk ill of you and punish them?” Beomgyu asks firmly, that fiery anger he gets when someone hurts you blazing in his eyes.

You shake your head. "No. Let them. They're not worth my time." It’s no use, punishing them won’t make it any better. They’ll just hate you more. Only Beomgyu loves you. You will be safe as long as you stay by his side. Only he can ever love you. 

He sighs defeatedly. “I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.” 

“Come, lie down on my lap.” You gesture to him and he obeys, laying his head on your thighs and facing your growing belly. He kisses it, grinning in that endearing way that makes his eyes crinkle and your heart leap in your chest. “I can’t wait to meet you, baby.” 

You smile at his airy giggles and pick up one of the flowers he collected, snapping off most of the stem so you can nestle the rest between the strands of his hair. You then grab another flower and do the same until his hair is filled up with the colorful petals in a delicate crown upon his head. 

“Stunning.” You awe, prodding his head up just a little bit to see your handiwork. 

“Am I?” He arches one eyebrow, teasing. 

“Very. But you could look even more stunning.” You ponder, taking off your necklaces and wrapping them around his neck one by one. “Now I know why you love dressing me up so much.” You half-tease, half-swoon at how breathtaking he looks with the mess of different flowers in his hair and your necklaces draped around his neck. He looks just like what you imagined those woodland nymphs you read about in your books would look like. “Remember when I used to put makeup on you when we were kids?” 

He laughs heartily at the memory. “Of course, you always had fun at the beginning but then you’d get all pouty and annoyed and huff about me looking prettier than you.” 

“Well, you were.” You cross your arms over your chest, huffing. 

Beomgyu suddenly sits up and pulls you onto his lap, burying a hand into the hair at the nape of your neck and pressing your face inches from his. “And now? Still think I’m pretty?” 

You bite your lip, suddenly feeling hot. “Well, yeah… But also sexy.”

He smiles, pleased, and pulls you into a sweet kiss. 

But when he pulls back, face still so close to yours, you can easily see the bags under his eyes that droop heavily from fatigue. As far as you know, he’s winning the war, but that triumph necessitated an insurmountable amount of work and time spent in meetings and war councils that went on from the brink of dawn till late at night. He still made sure to put aside time to spend with you and the baby growing in your belly, but even that must be taxing on his already depleted energy. 

You know you shouldn’t feel bad for him–he’s doing this to get rid of his one and only competition–but your heart can’t see your Beomgyu suffer and not ache along with him. You know if you tell him to go take a nap, he would refuse, insisting that spending time with you was more important than even his own health, so you go with the next best thing. 

You lay him back on your lap, running your fingers through his silky hair while you murmur a slow love song to him, trying to lull him into a peaceful sleep right there in your arms. 

“No, I don’t want to sleep.” He whines, catching onto what you’re doing. After all, you’ve been doing it for a few days now. 

“Please, baby, for me?” You whisper softly, trying not to scare away the sleep from his pretty eyes. “I need a little nap.”

“Oh, well if you need it.” He yawns, giving in. wrapping his arms around your waist and nuzzling his face into your belly. 

You smile at your tired lover fondly, leaning back against the tree behind you and closing your eyes before beginning to sing again, the both of you drifting into a peaceful, warm slumber under the soothing rays of the dazzling sun. 

______________________________

You wake up with a liquid heat gathered in the pit of your stomach. Anyone else experiencing this strange sensation might've thought it unusual, but not you. You’re quite used to it by now. 

You register Beomgyu’s wet tongue lapping at your pussy before you even open your eyes to confirm it. Beomgyu has been at this for weeks, starting the day with his face buried between your legs. He has been even more insatiable ever since he got you pregnant. He can’t even look at the little bump of your belly without getting heated up. 

As for you, you've heard that pregnancy can decrease your libido and make you withdraw from sex but in your experience, it's been quite the opposite and Beomgyu was more than happy to satisfy your heightening needs. Even when you aren’t in the mood to have actual sex, Beomgyu would content himself with eating you out and jerking himself off like he's doing right now.

Basically he would wake you up with his face buried in your pussy and if you were in the mood, you would grab his hair and pull him up to get fucked and if you weren’t in the mood you'd just let him give you a nice little orgasm while he got himself off too–a little something to get the both of you through the day. 

You feel Beomgyu’s hands leave your thighs and move up your body to push your delicate nightdress down to expose your breasts, moaning out as they come into his view. "They're getting bigger, huh?"

You blush under his lewd gaze. "Yeah."

"Push them together." He groans, jerking urgently at his cock. 

Beomgyu has always liked your breasts, and now that they’ve been getting bigger, he’s become positively obsessed with them. Whenever you two are alone, things would always devolve into him latching onto them, kissing and sucking on the sensitive flesh until it’s all red and glistening with his saliva. Even when he is too busy to properly pay them attention to them because he has to do paperwork or the like, he would sit you on his lap and write with one hand while holding one of your breasts with the other, intermittently squeezing it like his own personal stress reliever as he reads over and signs the documents. 

You obey his request, pushing your breasts together and flicking your fingers over your nipples, whining at him for neglecting your pussy for those few seconds. "Puppy." 

Maybe you're more horny than you thought. 

"Want me to take you, baby?" He bites his lip, noting the way your pussy gushes between your splayed legs.

You do, but you want to mess with him even more so you shake your head. "No. Want my king to hump the bed like the horny dog he is." 

Beomgyu doesn’t shy away for a second, biting his lip at your filthy request. "I got you, my queen."

He leans down to catch your pussy with his mouth once again while simultaneously pushing a couple of fingers inside you. But it wasn’t his mouth or his fingers that truly drove you insane, it was the way he ground his hips against the mattress in pace with his pumps as if he was imagining it was his dick fucking you instead. 

You love seeing him so needy for you, yet so obedient. He’ll take anything you give him even if that was just your attention as he got the both of you off. 

And it doesn’t take him long to do that. He cums first, his moans half-muffled by your pussy before he pulls his head up to let you look at his face that is twisted in pleasure, just like he knows you like. His fingers keep pumping rapidly into you as his own hips stutter and he stares at you, slack-jawed and pleading. 

“Cum for me, my queen.” 

“Beomgyu, fuck!” You scream, grabbing him by the hair and pushing his head back down, grinding yourself against his pretty face as you orgasm. 

Fuck, how have neither of you had your fill of each other yet? How are you just as needy now as the first night even as you lay boneless in your post-orgasmic bliss?  

Beomgyu climbs up your body to press a soft kiss against your lips, giggling when you kiss him back dazedly. “I really tired you out, huh?” 

“Just a little bit.” You answer lazily, leaning into his touch as he carasses your body. "You don’t have to leave the bed, you know? I can have the maids come and take care of everything, get you your food, your painting supplies… my mother says pregnant women need plenty of rest." 

You roll your eyes. He’s been trying to stop you from making even the slightest bit of effort ever since the pregnancy was discovered. "I'm not that heavily pregnant yet. I can still move." 

"I know. I just want you to be safe and comfortable. Both of you." He rubs your belly lovingly. 

"We are, puppy." You really are. Beomgyu is going above and beyond to make you happy. He has put himself completely at your beck and call–along with everyone he rules and everything he owns. You want for nothing in your blissful little bubble that he has made for you. 

Only, you wish that bubbles weren’t so fragile. No matter how much he and you try, you can never completely keep the bad thoughts and horrible dread at bay. He doesn’t tell you but you know he is closing in on Taehyun now. You hear it all around the palace, and you worry that you will receive news of his demise any day now. 

That is why you sorely need any distraction you can get. You can’t stay in bed with your calamitous thoughts all day. 

You shake your head at Beomgyu and smile. “Don’t worry about me. I just want to spend some time with my friends.”

____________________________

Friends–a word that has been foreign to you all your life, but somehow you’ve managed to gain a few friends this time around–made yourself a little group from among the ladies in waiting and others who frequented Beomgyu’s court. 

You can’t say that you’re close to most of them, nor do you really talk about your private affairs but it's still nice to be around people who are there by their own volition rather than having been forced to accommodate you because the royals ordered them to.

Yes, you’re not close to them but that doesn’t mean you know nothing of their situations. Secrets aren’t a thing in the socially intricate and gossipy landscape of a royal palace, and everyone’s business gets passed around like a particularly sublime wine for all to enjoy. And now that you have your own circle of friends, you too get to be privy to those poorly-kept secrets. You learn that you weren’t misery’s sole companion, that everyone else is touched by it too. 

Even the high-bred ladies suffer from their own misfortunes; Lady Minjun can't give her husband a child and he resents her for it, making his distaste clear by sleeping around and fathering numerous bastards from other women. Lady Namjoo’s husband prefers the company of men. Lady Hayoon’s in-laws aren’t fond of her and they make it their personal mission to sabotage her marriage to her husband who won’t even stand up for her in front of his family. And Lady Chaeyoung's husband hurts her behind closed doors. 

Chaeyoung was the first of your so-called friends. After she had cheekily congratulated you for putting Heejin in her place, you two started speaking more and more and eventually became close–well, as close as the situation permits. She had a quiet demeanor which made her blend into the background when she was around other ladies, which is why you didn’t take much note of her before, but when you were alone, she demonstrated an impressive sharpness of wit and a penchant for bluntness that you’ve quickly grown to appreciate. 

Out of all the ladies you’ve befriended, she was the one you’re most likely to actually consider a friend. Which is why you were all the more heartbroken when you noticed the suspicious marks on her skin.

She had at first dismissed your concerns, chalking the bruises up to her being clumsy and unintentionally hurting herself. But you’ve never known her to be particularly graceless and the shape of fingerprints on her skin was unmistakable. Eventually, after much insistence and prodding on your part, she told you the truth, confiding in you that when her husband loses his temper, he often times takes it out on her. 

You were horrified to hear that. Her husband is a big brute and she’s such a frail little thing–how can he hurt her like this? You wanted to get Beomgyu involved immediately, knowing he’s the only person powerful enough to put a stop to this, but she adamantly refused, insisting that her husband didn’t mean it and that he promised her that he would stop. You didn’t believe him. That’s what they all say, only to turn around and hurt you again and again. Still she had begged you not to tell Beomgyu and you didn’t on the condition that if he does it one more time, you’d have no choice but to tell. 

And here she is again, with the marks of his anger on her body. 

“What is this?” You ask Chaeyoung, grabbing onto her arm where you can see a bluish bruise peeking out of her sleeve. 

She yanks her arm back and tries to cover it. "It's nothing, my queen."

“It’s not nothing.” You scoff, keeping your voice low so that the other ladies won’t hear. "Is your husband hurting you again?" 

"It’s my fault. I drove him to it. If I had just listened, he wouldn’t have needed to act that way." She hurries to defend him, and something about her response makes you both livid and profoundly sad. 

“No! It’s not your fault. Don’t you dare say that again.” You hiss lowly, set off by her words. “He is the one to blame. He is the one who hurt you, and he has to answer for what he did.”

“No!” She panics, shaking her head vehemently. “Please, don’t! Just let it go, my queen. I’m fine.”

“He can’t keep getting away with this. I won’t let him. If you don’t want Beomgyu to know then I’ll confront him myself.” You get to your feet, your mind made up. You don’t listen to her cries and pleads. You can’t really hear them, too focused on the ringing between your ears and the unbidden tears springing to your eyes. 

You march towards where you know he would be and demand to talk to him alone, all the while Chaeyoung keeps trying to get you to back down. You pull him out of whatever meeting he’s in, demanding to speak to him alone. He has to oblige you. You’re his queen after all, and so he follows you to an empty room where the three of you can be alone–well you three and the guards who stick to you closer than your own shadow. 

“What is the matter, my queen?” Lord Myeong, her husband, asks with faux-politeness, looking between the two of you. He never was quite able to sell the fake respect the other lords and ladies have had to treat you with ever since you got married to Beomgyu, his disdain of you managing to shine through every time. 

“The matter is that you dare to lay your savage hands on her. What kind of man lays a hand on his own wife?” You shout at him, your voice shrill with disgust.

Realization dawns on his face and he glares at Chaeyoung. “What happens between a man and his wife is only for them to know.” He tells you, a sharp edge to his voice, but he still tries to maintain his affected cordiality. 

You, on the other hand, don’t bother with those stupid pretenses. “Not when your ugly handprints are all over her skin for everyone to see. What is the matter with you?” 

“I was merely punishing her for acting out. I have the right to discipline my wife.” 

“She is not a child or a misbehaving dog. She is your wife. How could you do this to the woman you vowed in front of the gods to love and protect?” 

The man rolls his eyes and looks at you like you’re wasting his time with your silly womanly wiles, and it makes you almost burst from the anger building up inside you. “I am your queen and I demand that you never lay a single finger on her again.” You command forcefully but the man dismisses you as if you were nothing, always nothing. 

“Should I now?” He asks cockily, eyeing you up and down. “Maybe if the king disciplined you once in a while, you’d learn your place.”

His words make you see red, and before you can control yourself you launch yourself at him, punching him right across his unpleasant face, hearing a crack as your fist connects with his nose. 

"You fucking bitch!" He howls, touching his nose in shock, his teeth grinding together when his fingers come away bloody. “I’ll fucking get you for that–”

You tense up, preparing to fight as the huge man advances on you. What did you do? You can’t take him. He is too big and strong to fight off. Unless…

Your hand reaches for the dagger tucked away inside the skirt of your dress, prepared to do anything to protect yourself in your moment of madness. Thankfully, before he can reach you, the guards step in to shield you. 

“Back away.” The head knight barks at lord Myeong, his deep voice booming around the room.

Lord Myeong stops in his tracks, vexed but not about to lose his life over this. “Of course, the whore hides behind the king’s men.” He spits out before turning his furious gaze towards Chaeyoung who was shaking in the corner. “Wait till we get home.” 

He tries to grab her but you quickly order the guards to stop him. They do, shoving him away from the small woman. But when you order them to throw him out of the room, they refuse. 

“I’m your queen. You obey when I order you to do something.” You hiss at them but they don’t budge. 

“Fine. We’ll see what the king has to say about your disobedience.” You scoff and attempt to exit the room yourself but they stand in front of the door, blocking your way out. “We’ve already sent word out for the king. No one is going to leave this room before he gets here.” 

“Some queen you are.” Myeong snorts and you go to attack him again in reflex, burning in humiliation, but the guards step in and hold you back this time. 

“Let go of me.” You scream, fear and panic spiking inside you at the traumatic memories that being restrained brings back. You kick one of them in the shin, getting him to let you go before you punch the other one in the stomach, freeing yourself and moving away from them. 

“Don’t you dare touch me again.” You heave out frantically. 

“Crazy bitch.” You hear lord Myeong mutter under his breath, further igniting your rage but you don’t try to attack him again, focusing your energy on trying to get out of the room that suddenly feels all too suffocating.  

“Let me out.” You try again but they refuse, on their guard for any further attacks from you. 

“Let me fucking out!” You scream, growing more and more agitated with every passing second. 

Thankfully, Beomgyu arrives at this moment, bursting through the doors and rushing towards you at the first glimpse of your panicked state. “What is going on? Why are you screaming? Are you okay?” 

“These imbeciles don’t know how to carry orders from their queen.” You hiss in the direction of the guards, still disquieted but feeling better now that Beomgyu is right next to you. “They refused to let me leave. They even fucking restrained me.” 

“Is that true?” Beomgyu turns on the guards and the head knight stutters out, no longer sounding so frightening when faced with the king’s wrath. “S-she was attacking lord Myeong, my king. We j-just thought you’d prefer to sort things out before we let her go.” 

“Well, next time don’t think.” Beomgyu barks at them, “She’s your queen and you will obey her orders unless you want to be thrown in the cells.” 

“Y-yes, my king.” He backs off, and bows to you. “I’m sorry, my queen.” 

The rest of the guards echo his words, their apologies soothing your fire a little bit. But then Beomgyu turns to you and snuffs it out all together. “Now, what happened here?” 

"Nothing, my king." Lord Myeong straightens out as he talks to his king–so different from how he addressed you. 

Your scoff at his changing attitude catches Beomgyu’s attention and he turns back to you, seeking an answer, but you don’t say anything, too embarrassed by everything that happened to speak right now. Beomgyu gets the message, reading you easily just like he always does, and escorts you to a separate room so you can explain yourself freely, away from the others. 

“Beomgyu—” You tear up, throwing your arms around his neck, needing him to comfort you after your fuck up. He wraps one arm around your waist while the other goes to brush away the stray tears that leave your eyes. “It’s okay, my love. Tell me what happened and I’ll fix it.” 

He will. He always does. Every time you lash out at someone or do something stupid, he always has your back. 

“He hurts her, Beomgyu. He beats her up. We can all see the ugly blue and green bruises on her skin.” Your lips quiver as you recount to him what happened, telling him how she asked you not to go to him and promised you that the beatings will stop, and how you flew into a rage when they didn’t. 

“Oh, baby, my kind-hearted queen. You just wanted to help your friend, didn’t you?” He coos softly and you nod. “But you should’ve come to me, still. I would’ve helped her. Don’t I always help?” 

“You do.” You admit quietly. 

“Then why didn’t you come to me?” He asks and you feel an uncomfortable, queasy feeling budding at the pit of your stomach at that question. You don’t want to answer that. You don’t want to unfurl the seed and let it grow into the hideous monster it can be. 

So you go with half of the truth. “I wanted to fix it on my own. No one takes me seriously, Beomgyu.” 

He sighs. “And you think threatening to punch people–or in this case actually breaking their nose–is the way to get them to take you seriously?” He reprimands you and you try to draw back, feeling embarrassed, but he doesn’t let you go, using the arm he has around your wasit to hold onto you and pull you tighter against him. “My love, you need to let go of the savage ways he’s taught you.”

You press your lips into a thin line at that, your hackles raised. Taehyun isn’t savage. He taught you to defend yourself for the first time in your life, something that Beomgyu never did. He only shielded you from the abuse when he noticed it or when you told him. He never taught you how to protect yourself.  

Beomgyu doesn’t like your silence. He never does. But thankfully, for now, he lets it go, sighing. "Stay here." 

But you grab onto his arm before he can go, fretting. "Is Chaeyoung going to be okay?"

"I'll take care of it." He promises you, pressing a soft, reassuring kiss against your forehead before he leaves you to deal with the mess you created. 

As you’re left alone to simmer in the aftermath of your most recent fuck up, you realize just how much you’ve strayed from Taehyun’s teachings. You almost were something, almost were your own person, but now you’re even worse than before. Weren’t you the woman who once stood up to the fearsome lord Taehyun and got him to listen to you? Now you’re hiding away as you let Beomgyu take care of problems you created while trying to reclaim that phantom power. You're back to being the stupid helpless little girl who needs Beomgyu to do everything for her. This is just what he wanted, isn’t it? Well, he succeeded. 

You’re yanked out of your ruminations when you hear the door open. You look up to ask Beomgyu how it went, only to find Chaeyoung standing there. 

“Oh, Chae–” You rush towards her but she puts her hand up to stop you and you halt. “What–”

“Why did you do that? I told you to let it go!” She fumes and you draw back in shock. “I was just trying to help–”

“No, you were trying to make yourself feel better about your own issues with the king.” 

You freeze at her words. “What are you talking about?” 

She scoffs. “It’s obvious. I don’t know what exactly is going on with you and the king, but god knows everyone has heard the rumors, and whatever unresolved shit you have going on is making you feel helpless and angry and instead of confronting him about it, you lashed out at my own husband to make yourself feel better about your own complacency.”

You shake your head forcefully. “That’s not true. It’s not.” The hot tears sting at your eyes once again, but Chaeyoung doesn’t care for it. No one does except Beomgyu. 

“Yes, it is and don’t you deny it. Because if you actually cared about what’s good for me you wouldn’t have put me in danger by confronting Myeong.”

“P-put you in danger?” What is she talking about?

“Yes. Do you think what you did will make him hurt me any less? It will only make him more angry!” 

“You’re staying with him?” You ask incredulously and her answering laugh is haughty and bitter. "You're staying with Beomgyu?" 

You clamp up.  "What other option do I have? You think I can just separate from my husband and not be completely ostracized from all my friends and family? I don’t have a king who would kill his own wife and buy my annulment so he can marry me."

"That is cruel, Chae." You croak. How could she say this to you? She might not know the full story of what happened between you and Beomgyu, but just like she said, everyone has heard the rumors, and her being one of the ladies in waiting, she is sure to know more than anyone else about what you’ve been through at his hands. 

She takes in a deep breath to try to calm herself down, and you can see how underneath her anger, there is tremendous fear. “I’m sorry but you need to hear it. I didn't ask you to intervene. Worry about your own problems from now on."

She’s right–the seed unfurls, the monster grows. The only reason you got so enraged and out of control is because what she said reminded you of what Beomgyu has always told you–that you’re the reason for your own suffering, that if you had just been good, that if you didn’t try to escape, that if you let him do what he wants to you, he wouldn’t have hurt you like he did.   When she blamed herself for what happened, it felt like she was blaming you too. 

"I'm sorry. You're right. It was about me. I guess I just saw my situation in yours and couldn't control myself. It was selfish of me. I just feel so helpless and I wanted to do something for once." 

"You are doing something.” She insists, stepping closer to you for the first time since she came into the room. “You’re using him to make things better. It's the best anyone can do in your position. You know the peasants are talking shit about you and yet you’re still helping them and he's letting you. You may not be carrying out those good deeds directly but you're accomplishing more than you ever could have with Lord Taehyun. The king will do anything to please you. You just have to ask." 

You contemplate her words in silence. You suppose she’s right about that too. You may not be doing anything directly. People may look down on you and belittle you. But through Beomgyu, you can accomplish so much and he would be more than happy to let you. Maybe you should just get out of your state of self-pity and acknowledge that you’re more lucky–despite it all–than most of the other ladies here. 

"But you need to be careful because you’re costing him too many allies by your reckless actions. If you keep this up, you'll be damning him." She continues, and that more than anything, gets your attention.

You hadn’t thought about it that way before, too caught up in your own feelings to know any better. Beomgyu never said a word about it to you either. You suppose he’s just so intent on proving to you that he has your back and will not let the others treat you in a way you don’t like anymore, that he’s letting you ruin his court relations. 

"I don't want you to remove my husband from the palace. That would just make things worse for me. So could you please smooth things over with the king?" She asks you, and you give her a small nod. “Thank you.”

You still feel a hint of satisfaction when Beomgyu drags Lord Myeong into the room, the bigger man looking denigrated and subjugated as he apologizes to you and his wife. You merely give him a nod while Chaeyoung graciously announces that she forgives him.

"Get your things ready. You leave at first light." Beomgyu announces when he’s done, and Chaeyouung shoots you a panicked look. 

“Actually, I would like him to stay” You interrupt, shocking both men. You bow your head and continue, "If my king will permit, of course."

“But the way he treated you–” Beomgyu balks, unable to stomach the offense to his wife.

“I provoked him.” You bite down on your tongue as you parrot the incriminatory words. “Neither of us behaved particularly civilly.” 

“But, baby–” Beomgyu moves close to you, whispering quietly. You hold his right hand between your two smaller ones, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s okay, my love. Give him one more chance. For me.” 

He still looks uncomfortable with letting it pass, but you turn to face Lord Myeong, scowling at him in warning. "If he will give you his word not to hurt Chae again." 

Beomgyu turns to him and the man nods tightly. "I give you my word, my king." He proclaims, then bows to you. “My queen.”

It’s hard to keep in your scoff, and you can’t look at the coward much longer. Luckily, you don’t have to as Beomgyu waves his hand, dismissing them both, along with the guards, leaving only you and him in the room.  

“I don’t like this, darling. He almost laid his hands on you.” Beomgyu recounts angrily, taking you in his arms. “He almost hurt you.” 

“I hurt him first. I started it.” You repeat uneasily, and it’s almost funny how Beomgyu finds issue with the sentiment when it doesn’t relate to him. 

“You can do whatever you want. You’re his queen.” Beomgyu argues, “If you want to, I can bring him back here and you can use that dagger of yours to brighten up his face a little bit.” 

His suggestion, entirely too serious, sends a shiver down your spine. 

The king will do anything to please you. But you need to be careful because you’re costing him too many allies.

You shake your head. “No. I need to start acting like a lady again.” You look away, your lower lip wobbling and cheeks flaming, but Beomgyu turns your head to face him once again. “You’ll always be a lady. No one can ever change that.” He presses a kiss against each of your tear-stained cheeks, before continuing, "But I must admit that there are better ways to get people to listen to you than punching them in the face. No matter how endlessly funny I find it when you do that."

You can’t help but smile a little at his joke, allowing yourself to really look at him, and you see nothing but adoration shining back at you. Beomgyu is in love with you. He'd do anything for you. So why are you standing here worrying about anyone else? 

“You’re so pretty.” He whispers, kissing you slowly, his soft lips molding against your own as your breaths mingle and your tongues meet. You can never get tired of kissing Beomgyu, each kiss containing a multitude of emotions that never wane–love, lust, need, ecstasy, relief… He kisses you like it’s the first and last time he ever will. Even this slow kiss is so heavy with feeling, it takes your breath away. 

“Am I?” You ask once you break the kiss, mouthing along his jawline. 

“Yeah. So perfect.” His breath hitches as you move down his neck. “Oh, love, if you keep going like that I’m going to–Oh…” 

You slip your hand under his pants, palming him as you suck on his sensitive neck. “Going to what, puppy?”

“Going to lose control.” He finishes, and you chuckle cockily. “As if you ever had any control when it came to me.” 

You take your hand out of his pants, hushing his protesting whine, and walk him backwards until you reach a chair and push him on it, getting down on your knees between his legs. 

“Darling, no, don’t sit on the floor. Want you comfortable–” 

“Hush, Beomgyu. Be a good pup and let me play with you however I want.” You chastise, shooting down his overly-protective tendencies as you take him out of his pants and jerk him into hardness. 

“Yes, baby.” He groans, throwing his head back against the chair as he hungrily watches you pumping his cock from under his heavy lashes. He’s too damn easy. So what if everyone thinks you’re his whore? You have him wrapped around your finger. He’d do anything you tell him to. He adores you. He’d spend his days and nights worshiping at your feet if you let him. "Love it when you use me." 

"Yeah?" You shiver, soaking up his need and adulation that hit you like the buzz of a strong liquor. You really can’t live without him. You live off his love. He wants to give you everything–himself, a family, even the whole kingdom. No one else matters to him and no one else should matter to you.  

You push yourself up to loom over him and cup his chin with your hand. "Open your mouth."

He does, sticking his tongue out, ready for you to spit in his mouth. His eyes flutter when you do and you feel his cock jerk in your other hand. 

"Filthy." You sneer, but you can’t hide the thrill that goes through you at that, neither do you even try. He deserves to see your own need. "And that bastard dares to say you can discipline me." 

Beomgyu quickly pulls his tongue inside his mouth and grinds his teeth together as his hazy eyes clear up a little bit. "He said that? I'll kill him." 

"No. He doesn't matter." You brush it off, pushing him back down. None of them matter. Only Beomgyu. "As long as you're mine."

"Always."

You push his shirt up his body, bunching it up under his chin as your free hand feels his tummy up to his pert nipples–his soft tummy, so different from the hard planes of Taehyun’s abdomen now that Beomgyu allowed it to go back to its natural state. You don’t know how he got it into his head that you wanted him to resemble Taehyun when all you’ve ever wanted was everything he was.  

Beomgyu’s back arches when you flick one of his nipples lightly, his cock getting pushed further into your fist as he mewls. 

“So sensitive.” You purr, nudging his poor nipple again and again. “So desperate. You fuck me every day and night and yet you’re still so needy. Is it never enough for you?”

“Never.” He vows breathlessly. “How can I ever get my fill when you’re the most wonderful creature the gods have ever created?”

The words come to him so easily, pouring forth like a sweet balm to soothe any semblance of worry in you before it has the chance to flare up. This is what you needed. This is what love is. Yes, it hurts sometimes, but god when it’s good, nothing and no one else compares. 

"More…” Beomgyu pleads, hips nudging upwards ever so lightly. “Just a little bit more. Please." 

“Of course, whatever my baby wants.” You coo sweetly, too sweetly, increasing your pace on his cock a little bit. Just a little bit though, messing with him until he groans out in frustration. “Baby, please!”  

"What? I thought you said just a little bit." You cock your head to the side in mock confusion but the playful giggle you can’t hold back at his pout gives you away.

“You’re always so mean.” 

“Oh, puppy.” You finally take pity on him, leaning upwards to press a kiss to his lips as you quicken your pace, much faster this time, and his mouth falls open as moans stream out of it.  

"You have such a pretty cock, puppy, so big and thick. It feels so good when you fuck me." You tease him, knowing it will just drive him more insane. And it does just that, the imagery getting to his dumb head. "Yeah? Want to fuck you so bad."

"Of course you do.” You pout sympathetically, “You're ready to fuck if I even just glance your way, aren't you?"

"Yeah. All ready for you, always." He nods, hips thrusting up to fuck your fist.

“Did I say you could do that?” You hiss and he quickly stills,  whimpering at your harsh tone like a scolded dog. 

You pause for a moment to take your lover in, sprawled on the chair with his dick out and his shirt pushed up to his neck, his hands fisted into the cushion below him so he wouldn’t be tempted to touch you. He looks delectable and he’s all yours to enjoy. "You can't control yourself, can you? Maybe I need to be put on a leash or you'll be humping my leg every chance you get."

He moans at the lewd idea and surges forward to kiss you. You allow him to do it, if only so you can rile him up more, before you grab him by the neck and push him back. "You like that, don’t you, puppy? Should I make you a gold collar and put my name on it too? Show your court who rules their king?"

"Yes. You own me. You own everything." He babbles heatedly, "Whatever my queen wants, she gets. I'm just your obedient dog."

"Fuck, yes you are.��� You bite down on your lip harshly, your thighs rubbing together in need at his pathetic display. “My vicious, feral dog. Come on, hump my hand." 

"Thank you." He mewls, thrusting his hips up to fuck your hand once more. He is so lost in that measly amount of pleasure, taking anything he can from you, that an even more wicked idea pops into your mind. 

“You really want to cum, huh?” You drawl cryptically, making Beomgyu tilt his head, giving you a confused look even as he continues to fuck your fist. But you don’t make him wonder for long. "Let's see if you can cum on command. I'm going to count down from ten and I want you to cum on one, pup."

"Baby–" He tries to protest but you’re already going through with it. 

"Ten." You start, making his eyes wide, and suddenly his thrusts turn frantic. 

“Good boy.” You purr, twisting your fist around his cock as a little treat for his obedience. “Nine.” 

“You’re going to kill me.” He croaks and you huff out a little laugh. If only you could. Your grip gets a little tighter around him, unintentionally helping him out. “Eight.” 

As you keep counting down, he gets more and more breathless. 

"Please, please." He cries out in desperation. “It’s not enough.” 

“Are you saying I’m not enough?” You purposefully twist his words, delighting in sick pleasure as he gasps and shakes his head. “No, no, you’re more than enough!”

“Then stop complaining and be good. Five.” 

His heartbroken wail goes straight to your pussy and you wonder if you’re the one who is going to cum on one. He just looks so delicious, sprawled there whimpering and crying as he strives to obey your almost impossible command. 

“Four.” 

“Baby… my queen…”

“Three.”

“Fuck–nghhh–”

“Two.” 

“I can’t. I can’t!” He freaks out, his eyes blown wide as he stares between you and his pistoning cock. 

"One." You take your hand away and he wails. You’re disappointed for a second–you really thought he could do this–but then you see his body go rigid before it convulses, cum spurting out of his red cock as he sobs. 

You gasp out in delight and reach out to run your hands over his feverish skin, calming him down. "Good boy." You praise, leaning up to kiss his tear-shocked face. “I’m so proud of you baby. You did it.” 

Beomgyu chases your lips, catching your lips with his own as he whines into your mouth. “So mean.” 

“Why? You got to cum.” You ask him in confusion, "Did that not feel good?"

He shakes his head and sniffles. "No. It was horrible."

"Oh, you poor pup." You take his cock in your hand and stroke it languidly, unsure if he can take it. He seems to like it though and so you ask, "Do you want more?"

"Yes.” He nods empathetically, “Yes please."

"Well, since you were such a good boy." You quicken your pace, his cum making a mess of him as you use it to stroke him. 

"Such a messy pup." You tsk, leaning forward to lick it. You don’t do a good job, a thick trail of saliva and cum linking your tongue and the head of his cock. But you weren’t trying to clean him up. You just wanted to tease him more, knowing how messy he likes it. 

"Ah please! Suck my cock."

You grin, once again getting just what you wanted. “I have a better idea.” You tell him, spitting on his cock and spreading it along his length while your other hand pushes the top of your dress down, exposing your breasts to him. 

“What?” He stutters, watching wide-eyed as you place his cock between your breasts and push them snuggly around it. “Come on, puppy. I know you’ve been dreaming of this.” 

"I love you." He effuses, making you laugh as his hips thrust up wildly under you to push his cock between your breasts. 

This should be humiliating. You’re on the floor, knees sore and tits out as you let him fuck them just so he can add even more to the cum and spit already covering them. But how can you feel anything but powerful when this is the king himself you have being so pathetic for you? When the one thing shining brighter than lust in his eyes is his love for you? 

“Are you okay, puppy?” You ask him, noting how he’s struggling to keep his eyes from rolling back and the way he’s panting like a dog, sweat glistening on his skin from the struggle. "Going dumb from fucking my tits?" 

"So pretty…" He whines, his thrusts growing sloppier and more erratic. "Going to cum… please let me cum."

“Go ahead, baby. You’ve been good.” Your praise, more than anything, pushes him over the edge, and he cums all over your breasts, his seed decorating your chest in beads more beautiful than any pearls. 

“That’s it. Let it all out, darling.” You coax the last bit of his cum out of his cock, rubbing the head of it against your nipples in a way that has you shaking in need. God, you need him inside you. You feel so empty. 

Sensing your need, or perhaps seeing it on your face, Beomgyu grabs your arms and pulls you to your feet, planting you onto his lap as he buries his face in your chest, licking his cum right off your tits and pebbled nipples. 

You can’t take it sitting still so you start rubbing yourself against his thigh, a fire lighting up inside you as he tickles your nipples with his tongue and sucks on them. You’re so wound up that it doesn’t take long for that fire to become an inferno, your legs clamping around his thigh as you cum, pulling his head back harshly by his long hair to give him an open-mouthed kiss. 

"Please… fuck.” He whimpers, moving your ass up so you’re sitting on his cock that is now hard once again. “Baby, please take my cock, use me." 

But you shake your head, sitting up and putting him back in his pants while he whines and protests. You press a firm kiss to his lips, shutting him up. "You have things to do. We can’t stay here all day. Go do your duties like a good king and maybe I'll let you cum inside me tonight." 

“Yes, baby.” He shivers, the fucked out look still apparent on his face as he gets up, and the thought that everyone is going to see him like this and know you’re the one who did this to him has you swelling with pride. 

___________________________________

You don’t know how you didn’t see this coming. You knew both men were out to kill each other. You knew Beomgyu offered to pardon whoever defected from Taehyun’s men and compensate them handsomely for it. You knew more and more people were turning their backs on Taehyun. You knew he was losing, and yet this somehow still comes as a shock to you. 

Kai has been captured, betrayed by Taehyun’s own men and brought to the palace to be used however Beomgyu sees fit. As it so happens, what Beomgyu sees fit is using Kai's life to bargain for Taehyun’s own life. He’s asking Taehyun to give himself up in order to save his little brother. 

Suddenly, everything becomes real.

“Sweetling, calm down.” Wonyoung’s musical voice trills out, halting your anxious pacing. 

“Calm down? How can you be so calm?” You shrill, “Aren’t you scared for him?”

“Of course, I am but I have to stand behind my brother.” Her composure ticks you off. 

“He’s going to kill Kai!” You exclaim. How can Wonyoung act so coolly about this? Doesn't she have feelings for Kai?

She sighs wearily. Despite her being a few years younger than you are, in moments like these, she feels much more mature and aged in comparison to you, like a wizened old spinster who has seen everything there is to see and knows better than you silly little you. “Not if Taehyun gives himself up.”

No. He can't do that. You shake your head in denial. “He can’t. He won’t. If he gives himself up, then the war is lost. He’s the only thing keeping it going right now. His men will put their swords down if he’s captured.” 

“Whether he gives himself up now or keeps fighting, the war is already lost. It’s better to surrender now before he’s betrayed by his own men too.” 

You grimace at her prediction. God no, that can’t happen. It would simply kill him. He has worked so hard for his city, sacrificed his childhood in order to become a strong, competent leader to his people. He suffered so much hate and malicious rumors and yet he never bowed under the pressure. So for him to go out this way, given up by his own men… it would kill his already broken spirit. 

“He’s going to take the fall for everyone. He has no choice but to give himself up so Kai can live and his city can be spared from slaughter.” She tells you, and in your delirious state you imagine you can hear a hint of sorrow in her gentle voice. You shake your head once again, childishly refusing to acknowledge the gruesome truth. She speaks again, even more gently, "Come on, sweetling, did you really think this was going to end any other way?" 

“I don’t know." You croak, Beomgyu's words clanging around inside your skull. 

I'll let you see his severed head when I bring it home to you.

She doesn’t say anything else, knowing there was no use. She just holds you and lets you cry. You already know she’s telling the truth. You just refuse to believe it. You refuse to believe it’s ending this way–just like Beomgyu wanted. Always like Beomgyu wanted. 

_________________________________

Once again it’s Wonyoung who accompanies you to visit Beomgyu’s newest prisoner. She could get in a lot of trouble for this and yet she does it anyway. You don’t know why. She doesn’t even go with you into the room Kai is being held in, weakly admitting that she can’t see him in that state. But she asks you to make sure he’s comfortable. She had requested from Beomgyu that he be held some place befitting of his status, but since she has never gathered the courage to visit him herself, she couldn’t be sure if Beomgyu had kept that promise or not. 

The guards standing outside Kai’s makeshift cell hesitate to let you in, telling you that you need permission from the king first, but Wonyoung wouldn’t have any of that. 

“This is your queen you’re speaking to. If the king finds out that you’ve refused an order from her, you’d be thrown into one of the cells, and it won’t be as nice as this one, I can promise you that.” She threatens the guard, who exchanges a look with the men flanking you. Your head knight gives him a small nod. “Listen to your queen.” 

The man takes in a weary breath and shakily raises his hand to unlock the door, the keys clanging together from the way his hand trembles. When he pushes open the heavy door, Wonyoung turns away, not bearing to even glance at her captured lover. 

“Stay here.” You quickly order your guards before you step inside. They hesitate, but before they can think it through, you shut the door in their face. Sure, they can open it again, but you’re certain Wonyoung will prevent them from doing so. 

Once you’re inside though–your back facing Kai after you’ve shut the door–you hesitate, suddenly realizing that you don’t even know why you’re here. You haven’t prepared anything to say. You’re not sure you even have anything to say. 

“Took you long enough.” Kai's voice hits your back. It’s so different from how you remember it–so tired and weak. You quickly turn around, seeing him for the first time in so long, and your heart hammers at how different he looks. 

Gone are the soft, boyish features–his round cheeks replaced by sharp bones, his eyes sinking in their sockets, his usually smiling lips pressed into a sardonic smirk. He looks exhausted. While Beomgyu has gotten softer and more radiant since you came back, Kai’s life force seems to have been stripped away from his body. 

This is what war does to those caught on the wrong side of it. This is how you know Beomgyu couldn’t have lost. The boy in front of you looks ten years older. He looks like he has seen the worst that a human can see, while Beomgyu has been thriving more and more each day. There was never any hope for Taehyun. 

Oh god, if this is what Kai looks like, then what about Taehyun? 

“Is… h-how is he?” You ask tentatively, and Kai lets out a little laugh. “Why don’t you ask him yourself. You’ll be seeing him soon enough.” 

You wince and wring your hands together anxiously. “How can I help him? There has to be a way to save him.” 

Kai scowls, getting up and walking towards you. Your heart leaps in your chest for a moment, thinking he’s going to attack you before his shackles stop him from reaching you. “There is no way. He’s been doomed since the second he laid eyes on you. You should’ve left him alone. If you had just done that, he would’ve been safe.” 

“I’m sorry.” You weep, “I didn’t know it would end this way. If there was something I could do–”

“Go back to him. Die by his side, do something right in your life.” Kai compels you and you scoff at his change in tune. “Didn’t you tell me to stay away from him?” 

“I thought that would stop your lunatic but it didn’t. It just broke Taehyun’s heart. He doesn’t love easily and I ripped the one person he loved from him.” He confesses sadly, but you shake your head in denial. “Taehyun doesn’t love me. He’s only doing this because he has a compulsive need to do the right thing even if it ends in disaster.” 

“That may be true but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. I saw it with my own eyes.” 

“Then you saw wrong.” You shake your head again. Taehyun doesn’t love you. You don’t know what Kai thinks he saw but it wasn’t love. Beomgyu looks at you with love. You’ve never seen that look in Taehyun’s eyes. "And even if that was true, Beomgyu would never let me go. I can’t escape him.” 

“You can kill your monster.” He cuts you off, “You can rid the world of his evil.” 

Just the thought of it makes your heart clench painfully. You stare at him, wide-eyed. “I–I can’t do that… I’m carrying his baby.” 

Kai scoffs. “You’re really something else, aren’t you?” 

Humiliation burns deep inside you at his disgusted expression. "You told me to leave!" You scream. What does he want from you? 

"But I didn't tell you to fuck him.” He denounces, and in that moment you can’t even recognize the sweet boy you met a year ago anymore. “I thought you didn't want to be known as his whore."

"I am not his whore.” You insist, distraught. You shouldn’t have come here. You shouldn’t even try to leave Beomgyu’s side anymore. Only he is safe. “I am his wife and I am carrying his rightful heir."

"And was this rightful heir conceived before or after the illegitimate marriage."

You hold in your tears. "Fine. I am rotten, just like him. I admit it. Are you happy now?"

"You should’ve realized it sooner. Your pity party is killing my brother." He spits out in disgust. “You never loved my brother. It was always Beomgyu you wanted. You just used my brother to get what you want. Well, congratulations on the happily ever after you’ll have once Taehyun is dead.” 

________________________________

Your heart almost stops when you step out of the room and come face to face with Beomgyu. He looks enraged, but you don’t even have the energy to fight with him right now. And when you collapse into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably, he too puts whatever he had to say to rest for now, carrying you in his arms and muttering to Wonyoung that he’ll deal with her later as he takes you away. 

It’s funny how you seek comfort in him from the very thing he caused and how you actually feel soothed by him. This is why your protests never get through to him. How can they when he always manages to get you back into his arms? 

You don’t see where he is taking you as you cling onto his body and hide your face in his neck. You only realize that he’s taken you back to your chambers when your back hits the mattress and the comforting and familiar smell of the room fills your nose and allows you to calm down enough to speak.

“I don’t want you to kill Taehyun.” You claw at his back desperately, your eyes searching his own for any sign of mercy. “Please.” 

He looks at you with anger in his eyes, for daring to beg for Taehyun’s life, but you’re surprised to also see pity there, and that pity tells you that there is no point to your begging. “You know I have to do it. I have to set us free. I have to protect our baby.” 

But you still plead your useless case–for if you really wanted to save Taehyun. You know what you must do. “So exile him. Banish him from the kingdom. Just don’t kill him.”   

He shakes his head, much more patient than you ever expected from him. Why was he being so gentle with you when usually any allusion to Taehyun would have him fuming with rage. Is it because he knows he has already won? 

“He will always be a threat to our family for as long as he lives. You know that.” He reminds you, “It’s time to end it. Aren’t you tired of this?” 

You are, so very tired. So tired you can’t reciprocate the kiss Beomgyu initiates, prompting him to pull back to look you in the eyes. And that’s when you realize why he’s being so sweet. He’s afraid he’s going to lose you again. He’s afraid that Taehyun’s death will make you withdraw into yourself again. He’s been keeping you as far away from the war as he possibly could so you wouldn’t fully fathom the gravity of it all, but now that it’s ending, there is no escape from the heavy price. 

When it comes down to it, is it going to be him or Taehyun you’re going to protect? 

“I love you.” He tells you urgently and waits for you to say it back, his eyes swimming with fear and uncertainty, his soul just about to drown in them. His soul, your other half, how could you possibly let it sink? 

“I love you too.” You finally say it, and his sigh of relief is like a drowned man’s first gasp for breath after being revived, quickly followed by more and more. 

“I love you. I love you.” He sobs, smothering you with kisses that you swallow down eagerly. 

He makes love to you, needy and scared, clinging onto you tight enough to leave room for nothing but his whispered confessions and pleas for yours. 

"Say you love me." He begs urgently, craving it more than his building release. 

"I love you." You blabber, your own ears not able to distinguish your words from the pathetic sobs as his hips smack against yours feverishly, but he hears them. 

"Say it again."

"I love you." 

"Again. Please." 

"I love you."

"Only me." 

"Only you." 

Beomgyu doesn’t let you breathe in anything that isn’t him. He surrounds you everywhere–his heat, his scent, his heartbeat… it all blends together and flows into you, uniting your being with his so tightly you don’t know where you end and he begins. 

_____________________________________

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” You whisper to the man behind you in an effort to not wake up the sleeping baby laying in his crib in front of you–your baby, your little prince. 

“Is he?” 

That voice. 

You immediately whip around, fear gripping your heart as you come face to face with the man you once called your husband. 

“Taehyun!” You stammer, reaching your arms out to try to protect your baby from him but when you hazard a glance back, he’s not there. 

“Where is he? You ask, panicked. 

“I could’ve given you a child. That baby should’ve been mine.” 

Tears spring to your eyes at his words. “Please, give him back.” 

But he ignores your plea, advancing on you. You try to move away but your legs don’t obey you. They keep you rooted to the spot as he comes closer and cradles your face in his hand. “Why did you leave me?” 

"I wanted to protect you." You attempt to answer, but your uncertainty is evident even to him. 

"Did you?" You look away guiltily but he turns your head back towards him. "Did you also give him a child to protect me? Are you going to let him kill me to protect me?"

"I tried to stop him but I failed. You saw what happened. I always mess up. I don't know what to do, Taehyun." You cry, but Taehyun isn’t Beomgyu, and he isn’t going to coddle you no matter how much you cry and whimper. "That's not an excuse."  

“I know, I–” He kisses you, shutting up your worthless justifications. Once again you can’t move. You have to stand there and let him devour your lips, his kisses harsh and angry. 

So you focus on gathering all the strength in your body, an effort so immense just to take a step back and beg, "Stop." 

He hears you and he pulls away, but only enough to talk, his lips brushing against yours as he does. "Why?”

“I’m married to Beomgyu.”

That makes him laugh darkly. “That didn’t stop you before. You cheated on me. What does it matter if you cheat on him too? That's what you do." 

You try to shake your head but he has your hair all fisted in his hand. “Don’t deny it. You want to be fucked, I know. Maybe if I had fucked you enough before, you wouldn’t have ran after his dick.” 

He rips your dress from your body, tearing it away the same way he did when you wore that dress Wonyoung got you, and with the same disdain. “I hate these fucking dresses.” He growls, “But you love them, don’t you? It’s another reason why you crawled back to him. I tried to give them to you, lost my fucking eye over it, but you couldn’t even give me some more time.” 

“That’s not why I left.” You deny, but that just makes him angrier. 

“Don’t lie to me. You know what I do to liars.” He hisses, grabbing your chin and digging his fingers into your cheeks, forcing your mouth open for him to kiss. He coaxes your tongue out, sucking on it before grazing it with his sharp teeth, making you shiver with both fear and lust. 

Are you lying? If you aren’t then why are you letting Beomgyu kill Taehyun? Why haven’t you killed him when you had the chance? 

Because you love him. Because you can’t live without him. Because he’s the father of your child. Because even though he is wicked, you could do so much good together, help so many people, live the rest of your life trying to atone for the horrible sins you've committed. 

But will you ever be forgiven?

As if he could hear your thoughts, Taehyun asks, “Do you believe him when he tells you that everything will be okay when I'm gone, angel? Do you think you'll forget me when I die? You think he’ll ever forget that I had you when he can taste me on your lips? Even if he kills me, he’ll always know that you let me shove my cock inside your pretty mouth and your tight cunt.” 

“Taehyun!” You gasp. This was so unlike him–the possessiveness, the jealousy, the emotion.  

“What? You like it when I talk to you like this? Treat you like the whore you are?” He grabs the underside of your thighs and lifts you up, walking you towards the bed before throwing you on it and prowling up to cover you with his body. He looms over you. "And you, you think it won’t eat you up alive everyday knowing what you did to me?"

"Then kill me." You beg him and he laughs. Clearly you aren’t strong enough to hurt Beomgyu or yourself, but he is. He can end you. He can end this tortured existence. "No, you don't deserve the mercy of death. You deserve to live by that monster for the rest of your miserable life."

“Taehyun–ah!” You squeak as he rips your legs open.

“Look how wet you are. You really like this, don’t you?” 

You bite your lip, trying to gather up your own emotions like precious gold, scared to show them to him lest he steal them away. 

He scoffs at your silence. “Come on, angel, speak up. I can’t know what you’re feeling if you don’t talk. So speak up.” He mocks, his fingers gliding up and down your spread pussy, his eyes falling to your hole as it flutters around nothing. 

His fingers tease around your entrance as his gaze flicks back up to you, harsh and angry, before he slams his fingers inside you, making your mouth fall open in a sharp cry. “Speak up, bitch.” 

“I’m sorry.” You weep, not knowing what else to say as his fingers ram into you, much too fast and hard. “I’m sorry, Taehyun.”

“Are you? Are you really?” He tilts his head to the side jeeringly, but you nod earnestly. “I am. I am.”

“If all that’s going to come out of that pretty mouth is lies then maybe you shouldn’t talk.” 

“W-what–hmph!” He stuffs his fingers that were just in your pussy into your mouth, choking you on your own taste. 

"You never loved me. You used me.” He spits out bitterly, and you feel his cock prodding at your entrance before it breaches your hole in one stroke. “You killed me."

Suddenly, Taehyun looks different, his clean, white skin covered in nasty cuts and bruises, a hideous gash extending across his neck, dripping warm blood onto your naked body. 

Overcome with the urge to throw up at the sickening sight, you close your eyes tightly, hoping to dispel the gruesome image, but he screams at you to look at him, not letting you escape what you did. 

“Look at me. Look at me! Look what you did.” 

You cry as you shake your head, hot tears flowing down your cheeks. Or maybe it was blood. 

"Don't cry." He screams at you as he continues to fuck you, uncaring about the pain he’s causing you or the blood that drains from his body. "You fucking killed me, you bitch."

You shake your head harder, unable to speak with the fingers buried deep in your mouth, the tips of them hitting the back of your throat and making you choke on something that didn’t taste like you anymore. No, it tasted metallic and nauseating. 

"Don’t cry." A voice shouts in your ear, much more vivid and clear this time. It feels more real than everything else and the shock of it allows you to finally, finally, spit the fingers out, sputtering out repeated No’s as your whole body spasms with cold dread.  

“Please, stop crying.” It tells you again, surprisingly gentle and worried. “Calm down, baby. I’m here. Please, princess!” 

Princess? 

Suddenly, you’re pulled out of this void of agony and despair you’ve been plunged into. Blinking away your tears, the ghastly visage of your past lover slowly loses its crimson discoloration as it morphs into the terrified face of your husband, tears of his own streaking down his flushed cheeks as he gazes at you in horror. 

“Beomgyu?” You croak, voice scratchy and strained. “W-what’s happening?” 

“You were having a nightmare, baby.” He explains, sniffling. 

“Why are you crying?” You ask, cupping his cheek and weakly wiping his sparkling tears away. 

“You were making all those noises, like you were being choked, and I–I was so worried.” He whimpers, leaning into your touch. “It’s so stupid. You’re the one who was having the nightmare, but I was so scared because I couldn’t get you to wake up. I couldn’t reach you in there.” He breaks out into a loud sob at the last part, lips trembling as he relives the terror. 

“I was scared too.” You whisper, pulling him tightly against you as if the physical proximity would allow him to protect your soul from further attack. 

Is this what your life is going to be like from now on? Plagued by nightmares of what you and your lover did? Getting trapped in a ghoulish dreamland where Beomgyu can’t reach you to comfort you? Is this your divine punishment?

______________________________

Taehyun is here. He is here to give himself up to appease Beomgyu’s wrath and save everyone else. He’s here to die so you can get your happily ever after. 

And here Beomgyu is, getting dressed in his ceremonial armor to personally carry out the execution of the man whose only sin was briefly making you his. 

You get dressed too, your attire blood-red just like Beomgyu’s so you wouldn’t be able to see any of the blood that might splatter in the aftermath of today’s abomination. 

"Don't make it hurt.” You plead your lover, and Beomgyu snaps his head to look at you with equal parts fury and imploration–half a mad king and half a child begging for something he wants but knows he shouldn’t have. "Let me take my vengeance on him."

"You're decimated his army, brought him to the ground, and now you’re going to take his life. What more do you need?” You press your hands against the gold of his breastplate, seeking the heartbeat you know is under there. “Just give him a quick death. Get it over with. Please, for me."

He looks into the distance, the request not sitting well with him, but he didn’t shoot you down immediately which tells you that he’s at least considering it. 

“Fine.” He says at long last and your knees buckle in relief under you as if you had managed to save Taehyun. “You don’t have to come, you know?” 

“I thought you said you would kill him in front of my eyes.” You remind him of his own words and he gives you a weary look. “I was mad when I said that. I never want to intentionally hurt you.”

You laugh wistfully at his claim. What he means is that he never wants to hurt you in a way that wouldn't benefit him, and he knows that seeing him personally kill Taehyun might be too much even for you.

This has always been Beomgyu’s method–keep you away from the battlefield so you’d forget all about his monstrous actions. But you owe this to Taehyun. If you’re the reason he’s losing his life then the least you could do is look him in the eye during his final moments and face all the hate he has for you. 

“I have to come.” 

“My queen–” 

“I chose you. You owe me this.” You snap at him and he recoils, shoulders slumping. He’s so anxious about ending this that he doesn’t have the energy to protest much “Yes, darling.” 

________________________

If you thought Kai looked bad, then Taehyun looks like he already has one foot beyond the veil. You’ve never seen him look so small, stripped of his leather and armor, his muscles–though never remarkably big–wasting away from malnourishment and the stress of war, what appears of his skin bruised and discolored, and his hair cut in a blunt style so as not to obstruct the vision in his one good eye. 

Dear god, his eyes. 

He's not even wearing the black enamel anymore, a hollow socket left in its place surrounded by darkened skin, giving you a glimpse of what he will look like once the crows have picked out the other eye. After all, dead men have no use for sight. 

But for now, he sees, looking at you with that singular, stormy eye of his, and you don’t know how you missed it before–perhaps it got diluted in the middle back when both were intact, and then was overshadowed by the black orb he put in-but you see so much emotion there now, intensified enough by the singular outlet for you to finally perceive. 

Anger, pride, regret, disappointment, fear… and so much more that you can't begin to untangle, so much that will be silenced forever when his vision goes dark. 

His gaunt face had been so startling to behold that you almost missed the necklace wrapped around his neck… a pearl necklace, your necklace!

W-What? Why? Why is he wearing that? What is he trying to do? 

You ponder it for a second, eyes jumping around the room in a confused frenzy, before they land on Beomgyu’s sword, and you’re immediately hit with a sickening realization–he’s showing the world who is behind his death. You are. You did this to him. 

Suddenly, you see him as you saw him in your dream, wounded and bloody. You see Beomgyu standing over his corpse, triumphant. And it takes everything in you not to fall to your knees. 

He doesn't deserve this. It had been so exhausting for you to fight your short battle before you gave in and ran back to your captor, but Taehyun has been fighting all his life. He never gave up, never flinched back no matter the horror he was facing. He even fought for you when you couldn't be bothered to fight for yourself. And yet here you are, preparing to watch him die for the sin of choosing to help you when he should have turned away like all the others. 

No act of kindness goes unpunished. 

You shake your head, a few bitter tears getting dislodged in the process and burning down your cheeks.

It has to be done. You think as Beomgyu recounts to the crowd of noble men and women gathered the crimes he has fabricated for Taehyun, his only real crime standing there for all to gawk at.

It has to be done. You think as you watch the proud man being forced to his knees, his head lowered down so his pearled neck could receive the royal sword’s fatal kiss. Still, he attempts to look at you, raising his face up to pin you under his gaze the same way the guards are pinning him to the floor. 

It has to be done. You think as Beomgyu, enraged that Taehyun even dares to look at you, grabs him by the back of the head and shoves his face back down. But once again, Taehyun looks up at you. 

It has to be done. You think as Beomgyu angrily unsheathes his sword and doesn't even ask Taehyun for his last words. 

It has to be done. 

Gods help you for what you're about to do. 

It's easy for you to slip past the guards flanking your side. You’ve proven yourself loyal to Beomgyu and so they forsake watching you in favor of watching the deadly dance of their king and the reviled warlord. 

You didn't expect to do this, you contemplate as your legs that were so heavy before carry you easily towards Beomgyu, as if walking on air, your arms solidly brandishing the dagger you had been gifted by the man on his knees. 

Taehyun is the only one to react to your sudden movement, eyes widening as he gasps. 

Or maybe he’s the only one you can see or hear, because suddenly Beomgyu is turning around to face you, startled. It all happens slowly, so painfully slowly. You can see the concern on his face first, followed by shock when he sees the dagger glinting in the sunlight, and then pain erupts across his beautiful face as the dagger plunges itself into his chest. 

You let out a pained wail even before he does. 

"I'm sorry." You choke out, your fingers grasping the hilt of the dagger in a death-grip as if you could take it back. As if you can undo what you've done. "I'm so sorry."

You hear people running behind you but Beomgyu barks at them. “Don’t touch her!”

They immediately still, clueless as to what to do as everyone else is in this court of madness. As clueless as you are. 

Oh, gods, what have you done?

“Hey, it’s okay. Don't cry.” Beomgyu murmurs softly, braving the pain to comfort you. Always comforting you even as your knife is buried in his chest. “I hate seeing you cry."

That just makes you cry harder. You’ve made a terrible mistake. "Beomgyu, I–" 

Your eyes widen as you’re cut off by a sharp pain that overwhelms your senses, and you look down to see Beomgyu's sword jutting out from your abdomen. You look up at him in confusion, not grasping what you’re seeing. Beomgyu would never hurt you like this. He would never. "Beomgyu?" 

But if the excruciating pain radiating from the sword protruding from your belly isn’t making it clear enough, then the horrified screams of Wonyoung does. "What have you two done?!" 

You also hear an anguished shout of your name, followed by a commotion and what sounds like someone being restrained. 

But you don’t look at any of them. You only look at the man in front of you–your lover, your soulmate, your killer. 

"Shhh. It's going to be okay.” He hushes your pitiful cries. “I'm not going to leave you. Never again." 

Of course. It all makes sense now. Beomgyu promised to never let you go, and he’s not going to break that promise even in death. 

"I love you." He murmurs, pressing a tight, pained kiss to your lips. 

"I love you too." You say helplessly. You deserve it all. You deserve him. You harbored this monster, loved and nourished him, reveled in all the twisted pleasures he gave you, hid between his sharp claws that were sullied by the blood of others. So how can you expect a different end to such a despicable existence?

"I'll find you in our next life." He vows to you, smiling as if it were your wedding day again. "I'll get it right next time. I promise you."

Next time? The thought sends a chill down your spine. 

No, please, let this be the end. You love him endlessly and tirelessly. The sun might grow sick of the day sky, the waves might abandon their shores, mothers might forsake their young, but you’d never stop loving Beomgyu. 

But you can’t do this again. Please, let your souls intertwine and become a distant star, far away from everyone and everything, together forever or until the lights in the heavens go out. But not this again. 

"It looks like you hit my heart. How ironic is that?" Beomgyu lets out a shuddering laugh before he kisses you again sluggishly. "Don't keep me waiting for long. I’ll miss you. I love you."

“Beomgyu, I–” 

He slumps forward, falling limply into your arms. 

Wonyoung shrieks, running towards you and taking him from your paralyzed grip. “Call the palace physician. Get him here now!”

The whole court springs into action, trying to save their king and queen. But you know it’s no use. He’s already dead. You know he’s dead. You can’t feel his soul anymore, and you know that soon, you will be too.

______________

You’re not dead yet. How could you not be dead yet when half your soul is already rotting away? Why are you still clinging onto this miserable world that has lost all its color and beauty with the departure of your loved one? The gods must truly enjoy your suffering to want to prolong it this much. 

When the door creaks open, your dying heart gives a weak thump, still foolishly hoping it would somehow be Beomgyu on the other side, back to tell you that he’s okay after all, that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed to be, and that he forgives you for what you had done. 

But it wasn’t Beomgyu. No, because you killed him. 

It was Taehyun, who now seems to resemble death itself, and for a second you wonder if the gods were playing a particularly cruel joke on you by having your collector take on the form of the man you had betrayed and betrayed the love of your life for. 

“Taehyun?” You ask shakily, growing more anxious the longer he hesitates at the door. Startled by your voice, he finally moves, walking towards you with trepidation in his step that is entirely too human. “I’m here.” 

He takes your hands in his and you stare down at them, feeling the chasm in your heart pulsating hideously at the touch as if in protest. 

"You saved me." He breathes out incredulously, like he can’t believe it. You can’t believe it too. 

"You deserve to live." You tell him, matter of fact. Everyone got what they deserved. 

"So do you." He proclaims and you smile wistfully. Oh, Taehyun. 

"What is going to happen to you now?" You ask him, brushing off his misguided declaration and he frowns, considering whether to push his point or just answer your question.  

For now, he answers your question. "I don't know but princess Wonyoung–well, I should say queen Wonyoung now--is allowing me and Kai to return home if we agree to a ceasefire. I don't think she cares about continuing the war anymore. Neither do we."

"Right." With Beomgyu dead and you to follow him, what else is there to fight about? 

"It won't be easy dealing with the fallout but–" 

"But it's better this way." You finish for him. 

"No! How can it be better when I'm losing you?" His voice wavers and you look at him curiously. Is he going to cry for you? After all you’ve done? 

"Don't cry over me. I don��t deserve it. I loved him." 

"He tricked you. He–"

You squeeze his hands firmly, or as firm as your dwindling strength allows, stopping his empathetic excuses. "I still loved him and you know that. You don’t have to pretend like I’m blameless just because I’m dying. It isn't like you."

"I just…" He trails off, staring down at your joined hands uselessly. 

"I still loved him… I loved him and he killed our baby. He didn’t want me to live if he wasn’t going to have me.” You pause, letting out a tired laugh. It was never about protecting your child after all. It was about keeping you. “You know what the sad thing is? I wouldn’t have wanted to live without him either, but he didn’t even give me the choice. He never did.” 

Taehyun stays silent and you wonder what is going on inside his head. He must think you’re stupid for expecting anything else from Beomgyu. He must think you deserve it now. He must find you abhorrent for saying you would have killed yourself if Beomgyu hadn’t. 

"You should go." You sigh, the breath coming out harder now.

But to your surprise, he shakes his head. “No. I won’t go.” He says, taking out the pearl necklace he was wearing at his failed execution. "I am not going to leave you alone." 

He leans forward, trying to wrap the necklace around your neck but you lift your hand up and push it down, shaking your head. 

"I won't be alone." You say and he looks at you in confusion. "I'll be with him."

His face changes into the contemptuous expression you've been expecting all this time. "You're choosing him again? I can't even win against his corpse?" He spits out bitterly, taking the necklace back and shoving it in his pocket.

"I killed him for you. What more do you want?” You ask him tiredly. Haven’t you already made the ultimate sacrifice for him? Is even this not enough? Can’t you spend your last moments on alive with the one person who loved you? The person you betrayed for Taehyun? The person who is now cold and stiff on his deathbed, waiting for you to warm him up or grow cold next to him. 

He’s so, so cold… 

“You know you never even said you loved me once?" 

“I did–” He protests but you cut him off. “You’ve never said I love you and meant it.” 

He opens his mouth and you hold your breath, the world stilling around you. 

Do you want to hear it? Would it make anything better? It would only dig the knife of what could’ve been deeper. What use is it now?

But you do want to hear it. You want to believe that you could’ve had someone else’s love, that you could’ve deserved more than what Beomgyu dictated for you. 

But then he shuts his mouth again, furiously wiping away his tears as if it disgusted him to have any evidence of them left.

"Go, Taehyun. I don't want to spend my last few hours on this earth doubting if I am worthy of love or not. At least he loved me. He's the only one who ever did." 

And so he leaves–storming away angrily and slamming the door behind him, but he leaves. He always leaves. 

Isn’t it time for you to die yet? 

In the wake of Taehyun’s furious exit and behind your useless tears, you see Wonyoung enter, a vision of an angel as she floats down towards your deathbed. 

"Is there any way I could make you more comfortable?" She asks softly. 

"Why are you so nice to me? I killed your brother."

She shakes her head, always so patient despite her grief. "He killed himself when he started all of this."

You don’t get her. How can she be so fine with this when the weight of what you’ve done is killing you faster than the sword they took out of you. "Aren't you angry at me?"

"What use is being angry? Is it going to bring him back?" She asks, finally letting a little edge creep out in her voice, but she quickly reins it back in. "My brother made a lot of mistakes, some he was driven to and some by his own volition, and they all led to where he is right now. It is no use to dwell on it. Why spend your last hours making you answer for sins you've committed together? For sins I was a part of. I killed him as much as you did when I encouraged his unhealthy obsession."

You fall silent for a while, considering her words. She’s right. What use is it dwelling on any of this and leaving him alone? You’re going to die soon so you might as well let go of your guilt. The gods will make you answer for your crimes whether you feel sorry about them or not. 

"I want to be with him." You finally say and she nods. “He’d like that.”

__________________

They take you to him, laying you both down on your bed before leaving you alone with only a single candle burning on the bedside table. It’s good. Your souls need the peace. 

You look up at your lover’s deathly visage and frown. He used to be so expressive, in happiness, in love, in anger, in madness… never was there such a lively spirit as his, but as you look at him now, you find nothing but emptiness that resounds in your very core. It chills you to the bone as you curl up tighter around him, chasing a warmth that isn’t there anymore. 

You don't know what will become of the others now. Will the war really end? Is Wonyoung going to be a good queen? Will Taehyun get remarried? How will Beomgyu be remembered in a hundred years? Will you both be wiped out from the history books?

You hope so. The oblivion of death can’t come soon enough. 

Mercifully, you can feel the drug Wonyoung had given you making its way from your faltering heart to your collapsing veins, pulling you into a slumber you know you won’t be waking from. 

You smile at the thought, leaning up to kiss the corner of Beomgyu’s lips before whispering one last “I love you.”

And with that, you finally let go.

______________________

A/N: well, it's finally over. make sure to let me know what you thought of the end or i will cry. lol jk but i really really appreciate all the feedback. thank you all for coming on this journey with me. i definitely wouldn't have been able to finish this fic if it weren't for all your support ❤️

and now, click on this link to see the future fics i have in store and vote on your favorite one. the one you pick will be the one i write!

[mfuugh]

Can we just talk about the ending of KawoShin open discuss. *sort of spoilerish*

I feel like I’m the only one who’s like reallly disappointed LMFAO--ya’ll there’s so much “canon” alternative universe and merchandise for Kawoshin in Evangelion that it kind of makes me upset to realise this couple just went down the drain. Yeah, I can see how people were like, “Kaworu’s toxic” or “Kaworu has a hero complex for Shinji” to which I say are valid points. But the toxic thing I feel like can also be applied to pretty much everyone around Shinji tbh, except for Rei. I did NOT, like Asuka at all but I really love her character though, and I felt for her a lot throughout the series.

I did not ship them either because honestly, Shinji and Asuka seemed better off playing the sibling dynamic instead of trying to play bf/gf which honestly is kind of forced by their living situation. Also since they’re in a similar disposition non existent father and dead mother, you’d imagine they would rely on each other for emotional comfort. Though Asuka—her personality I feel like she can’t differentiate between familial love and romantic love and the affection she wants is a bit of both. But, her character tries to be “mature”; she wants romantic love more and does this through sexual means and romantic gestures e.g. like kissing. One of my friends told me that you can’t stay friends as a boy and a girl cause eventually you catch feelings. Which I say is kinda dumb cause I have a lot of male friends, and I definitely don’t harbour those feelings, but I guess it’s a common phenomena.

I think this is what happens in this case, of Asuka and Shinji. Even after rejection of instrumentality they actually are depicted as childhood friends. But knowing how they both were before to each other, it was not good tbh. Also to mention the choking like thrice— bro if anything, this showcases a really abusive relationship and I think this outstretches the idea of their character tropes. Which I firmly stand by saying they’re superficial to each other. AsuShin were never really there for each other and are using each other in a forced situation. However, you can’t deny that they didn’t at some point catch feels, also Shinji is pretty consistent how he still cares about everyone around him. Which I really like how they add that to his character because it reminiscent of Yui, because you see a duality of both his parents personality in Shinji throughout the series—it’s a really nice touch. But bruh, if we gonna talk about that coma scene—I’m out LOL.

Thoughhhh, she is a true definition of best girl I really like her arc, fighting drive, and her skills as an Eva pilot 😭💗--but bruh she’s still a toxic and sometimes annoying tsundere trope, but still she’s 14 what can you do. So I feel like Kensuke and Asuka are actually a pretty good combo, cause he’s always been pretty mature even without parents. Also Asuka was into older guys, so I guess this is a win win?? Also Rei and Shinji, I honestly cannot get my head around it cause that’s pretty much his mom—so in a way that’s like either his half-sister or mom-ish clone?? Idk but Yui is definitely the donor LOL.

Kaworu and Shinji I felt like brought a bunch of things out of each other. I don’t know which timeline begins first, but I’d like to think the manga, the anime (plus its movies), and then to the rebuild series. Because I think that order is kind of pivotal to observing Kaworu’s character development from being a person who’s trying to understand human feelings to then the kinder person we see in the final series. You can tell how he’s changed and he knows Shinji a lot more as well as being considerate to him e.g. giving him personal space or letting him work at his own pace. Also that “we’ll meet again.” Is an obvious nod to how he’s done this before.

His literal story in every timeline is always romantic LOL, like bruh I can’t remember which game it was but basically a bad ending of Kawoshin route is that you reject Kaworu and he starts the third impact 🤡. Also I don’t know why but I started to see a weird dynamic between those two, in the manga their interactions reminded me of Asuka and Shinji—which Shinji is the tsundere Asuka here. I don’t know if this is relevant but the older character relative to the character they’re with seems to play off a mature vs a childish person trope. Asuka is younger than Shinji and Shinji is actually younger than Kaworu. Then again I could be overseeing this but istg manga Kaworu and Shinji mirror the whole Asushin dynamic. Like he’s seriously agressive against Kaworu, then after killing him he admits liking him. 🤡 I don’t know which is funnier no homo Shinji, homophobe shinji, or just closet Shinji who needs to realise sexuality is a spectrum so he could’ve idk—come out as bisexual, but whatever manga Shinji lol that timeline is over.

Anyways the development of these two is real and I think the rebuild timeline shows them at their best bringing their own personage out from each other like how they both enjoy music together--WHICH I’M SO SAD WE NEVER GET TO SEE THAT CELLO AGAIN. Then there’s those feelings of humanity, love, kindness, etc. Which yeah an angel could represent those things, but Kaworu is still his own person, self-aware of a cycle and if you think about how he initially was there to USE Shinji, but ultimately turned on that plan set by SEELE because he loved Shinji (and a bunch of other things like him showing Kaworu humanity). I also can see the argument, how “ideal” Kaworu is to Shinji, but he’s more self aware of the time he has before he KNOWS he’ll die and knows how to act for himself in that duration to make the most of it. All with Shinji. At some point, I think he fell in love with Shinji tho I don’t know where it began tbh—considering that all those alternate universes do exist. Kaworu does romantically love Shinji--so, in some universe they both reciprocate their feelings to each other. 

In the last movie during that convo with Shinji. Like bREH it’s so emotionally moving because Kaworu remembers ALLLLL the timelines and how he’s been with Shinji and later Shinji himself recalls the events too. Where they show the scene from the manga and anime. Kaworu cries after being set free from the EVA cycle. Which, I definitely understood what he meant by him saying “it’ll be lonely” and how Shinji changed or that he’s actually different this time.

Either way, Shinji did right by him because it’s always Kaworu who has the purpose of “trying to save Shinji” but it always ends up the same. I thought that was really moving because Shinji tells Kaworu he’s gonna let him live a life for himself for once and he wants the same for everyone as well. Which was honestly so meaningful cause I think Kaworu’s character and like Rei too when they start to realise how to “live” like a person and not another puppet it’s truly liberating. Another thing I forgot, bruh Kaworu calls Gendo his father and ngl I feel like this is kind of a weird lore situation because I for sure don’t think he’s the donor. I think he calls him that as an insult because he knows Gendo’s whole doing and relative to Shinji—I kind of see it as a joke LOL. Like it’s equivalent to saying, “daddy chill”, or “hey look it’s daddy and his plans to end the world” also I kind of like to think of it as a father in law thing cause you know, Kawoshin *winks amirite*

The ending, I’m honestly hoping is just an open ending because it gives everything an actual start of their adult lives not being dictated by extraterrestrial forces. Though, I’m kind of wondering if the world doesn’t have EVAs does that still mean everyone else still has the same backstory, and do they remember? Maybe Mari really is just a coworker lmfao, and there’s still a chance for Kaworu and Shinji cause ngl, they did have a convo (presumably from the spoilers) about still remaining close afterwards and that stare at the ending seems very hopeful.

I call bs from Anno saying, “oh Shinji is based off him and Mari off of his wife”, like honestly any OCs made theres always some part of yourself made into that character. Which is probably why a lot of people relate to the characters in EVA because they’re based off real things (e.g. those war machines characters are named after and people around them). I think why Kaworu and Rei are together at the end, is bc they’re very much the same. They’re mass produced dolls—which oddly enough that’s the case for all the children except they don’t recall the loop. Kind of funny also how both Kaworu and Rei became farmers lmfao so ig it runs in the family (yes that’s right I like the idea that they’re siblings it was always noted that they’re like “the same”).

Another thing, i think why the rebuild really did well for Kawoshin and in my opinion canonised it—the convo with elder Ryoji Kaji (Misato’s baby daddy) that there was a time he felt incredibly lonely and depressed thinking Misato didn’t love him and so he started looking out for himself. So self love and found himself a hobby in farming which he suggests to Kaworu—basically saying he might feel like Shinji doesn’t love him but he’s gotta remember to take care of himself. if I go thru a breakup ill feel like it’s the end of the world but Kaji says y’a gotta self love broe and take care yo self gad dam fam 😭 💗.

Though, that look at the end from Shinji to Kaworu—I’d like to believe there is still hope that one day when they’re a bit stable in their adult lives, they’ll run into each other.

[itskyleeyo]

hadestown brain dump (songs)

SPOILERS FOR HADESTOWN/THE STORY OF ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE

ok so it may have been more than a few days, but what're you gonna do about it?

so i wanted to do another brain dump, and i wanted to listen to hadestown, so i'm doing a song by song brain dump as i go along. this means that my thoughts are going to be even more stream-of-consciousness style (if that's even possible.) also i'm talking specifically about the original broadway cast recording bc i haven't listened to any other version. (also this was completed across multiple months so it is even more chaotic lmao).

also i highly recommend that you listen to the musical and/or pull up the lyrics as you go along! enjoy!

road to hell. the way andre brings in the chorus is flawless please. also the way that hermes is both a narrator and a character in the story he's narrating? beautiful. "the king of the mine." he sounds so nice here for some reason. also love his self-introduction "maybe it will turn out this time" no it won't but thank you for trying. also breaking the fourth wall to acknowledge the chorus and crew is so nice, here comes reeve ;) mans sounds like an angel. you can hear amber's voice stick out of the chorus and i literally love it so much. i'd die for amber gray but we'll get to that later.

any way the wind blows. the fates literally sound so perfect together. Eva's intro throws me off every time, she sounds so pretty. dear god the harmonies with the fates hit so different. can this cast please narrate my life? there's the wind comparisons ;D the "ooos" are so good. "and it ain't because i'm kind" idk i just like how andre sounds here. oh and the funny behind "so i took him underneath my wing" because hermes has wings on his helmet and shoes.

come home with me. orpheus is so oblivious but i love it. also eurydice is literally such a mood. the wordplay with "come again". the "oh, he's crazy" is my favorite part of the whole song. also eva's voice acting is so good.

wedding song. the way she says "lover"? my ass cannot handle this. eva sounds so smug in the beginning of this song and i love it. "sing the song ;)" eurydice is so fantastic. the chorus of "la" is so pretty. eva joining in during the end is just. so perfect.

epic i. hell yeah introduce the king and queen (both literally and figuratively). reeve's falsetto <3 the way orpheus looks to hermes for approval throughout the musical. hermes narrating over orpheus singing.

livin' it up on top. HELL YES THE QUEEN HAS ARRIVED. i love amber gray so much. the gravel and the rasp. please step on me. also i love the idea of persephone being the wine aunt, especially because media usually portrays her as soft and breakable. the way she says "haaard". the way the music gets more upbeat and energetic when hermes says "the world came back to liiife!" the instrumental/dance? break is so good. please kill me with that trumpet good sir. the leadup to when amber starts singing again. orpheus really knows how to give a speech. "i will ;)" amber please step on me i am not joking.

all i've ever known (intro). thank you for the intro king. the music is so pretty. the way it picks up with the piano part <3

all i've ever known. eva sounds so pretty dear god. yay more wind references! the wordplay with "hold". and also the references to hot and cold throughout the musical. "i don't wanna ever have to let you go." lol ironic because she ends up going with hades. "i knew you before we met, and i don't even know you yet." the fucking wordplay. like holy shit. the "love at first sight" feelings. this line gets me every damn time. the wordplay from 2:10 - 2:38 is so fucking incredible. i lose it every time istg. the instrumental portion is so pretty. the wind! "we'll always be like this" i fucking love irony so much. its so underrated and adds so many layers to the story.

way down hadestown. amber gray. that's it. "you either get to hell or to hadestown, ain't no difference anymore". i fucking love this line so much. not really sure why but the delivery is perfect. also the whole thing with it being a train? i love that so much. all the allusions and comparisons they can make are fantastic. more amber gray appreciation. and ofc. the fates. more fantastic instrumental breaks. "and you better forget about your wishing well." this line is so good but so sad because its literally persephone saying that "hey, fair warning, life is shit down there" and i feel bad for her. like the way she's super sassy and shit, but just stops singing when hades gets there, you can tell that she's definitely not ok. speaking of hades, holy shit patrick page. sounds so fucking fantastic. thank you for existing good sir. eva with the breathtaking single lines. and eva's voice standing out when she sings "ground".

a gathering storm. the constant references to weather and nature throughout the whole musical. eurydice with the common sense. the wind again! "did you hear me, orpheus?" he did not, in fact, hear her.

epic ii. the different names for hades in each epic make me so happy. hades thoughts: "i think my wife might not come back cause i'm super controlling. whatever shall i do? oh, i know! be even more controlling!" lmao dumbass motherfucker. that might not work out so well. i fucking love the transition into "chant" so much.

chant. this is one of my favorite songs from the musical. the wordplay within the entire song is so fucking fantastic. hades singing about desire and then orpheus singing the "song of love" was definitely done on purpose and i'm living for it. every single one of eva's lines make me emotional. ma'am why are you good at everything?? the band! more weather references! patrick page singing "lover" hits different. orpheus singing about hades and persephone being blind and deaf. lmao irony because he's not paying attention to anything around him. the wind! weather! "the song of love" is what brought orpheus and eurydice together, but orpheus' devotion to finishing it is what drives eurydice to hades. "did you think i'd be impressed" i was right ;) it didn't work out so well.

hey, little songbird. the strings <3 patrick page is a god (lol i'm so funny). how does he manage to make manipulation sound so good? bird references! the vocal contrast! eva's voice has this kind of "innocence" to it. especially compared to patrick. not sure if that's on purpose or not, but i love it. also the low note kills me every time. the octave jumps between patrick and eva's voices is just. ugh. and also eva's entire second verse is so fucking good. the emotion she portrays in her voice is so spectacular. seriously hades with the manipulation is so interesting and its so good. (manipulation is not a good thing i just mean that its done so well in the show. do not manipulate people!)

when the chips are down (intro). "your ticket ;)" yes pls sir i'll take a ticket cause life sucks ass.

when the chips are down. i fucking love the fates dear god. gambling references! eva has literally one line and still owns my heart. the band! "shoot to kill" sounds so good like i love it so much pls. also this fucking line "cast your eyes to heaven, you get a knife in the back" is so good. i'm gonna have to get into quite a few lines throughout the musical in a different brain dump because i have so much thought.

gone, i'm gone. darling eurydice. its not your fault that you're starving stop apologizing. "talk of sin" lol she do be going to hell. that's funny. the harmonies.

wait for me (intro). the piano. heremes trying to change the subject hurts my heart. and orpheus' reaction is so sad please. "no.." just rip my fucking heart out, why don't you?

wait for me. the transition. andre coming in clutch with the narration. reeve sounds wonderful, as always. the fucking fates. just kill me already. they literally sound so good. the strings' build up between the "la"s. the chorus. the buildup at the end.

why we build the wall. the total 180 in the vibes. call and response has a special pace in my heart. mr page killing it again. god, hades is such a piece of shit and its perfect. he really is a master manipulator. fuck capitalism. the chorus sounds so good. i want to platonically smooch all of them. jesus fucking christ burn capitalism to the ground. the end is amazing. also the not-so-subtle references to slavery/forced labor.

why we build the wall (outro). i'd die for andre. "anybody want a drink?" yes ma'am. yes please. (don't drink, kids) i love you so much.

our lady of the underground. its so jazzy! jesus fucking christ. oh my fucking god. i would literally sell my soul for amber gray. what did we ever do to deserve her? god the raspiness fucking kills me. also love that she breaks the fourth wall to acknowledge the band. when she comes back in after the instrumental break? consider me dead. "what the boss don't know, the boss won't mind" she sounds so good here. also i love that she straight up doesn't give a fuck about hades here.

way down hadestown (reprise). hell yeah i love reprises. the fates. andre. the chorus. i love them all. i'm such a whore for reoccurring lyrics. the strings! fuck capitalism! eva's emotions are just so fucking good. "you've already forgot?" holy shit. this shit hurted. the "ahh ooh"s are so good.

flowers. the intro <3. eva sounds so pretty. the fucking symbolism in this song is incredible. i'm gonna get into this in another brain dump bc it's a very sensitive topic. the fact that she can't actually fully remember orpheus makes me so sad. so pretty <3

come home with me (reprise). hell yeah another reprise. the way the music is much more upbeat when orpheus shows up. their excitement! eva's vocal emotions are literally so fantastic pls.

papers (intro). "young mannn" kill me patrick. train references! hell yeah persephone. the way andre gets louder when he says "raised up his voice." eva <3. reeve just always sounds so pretty. ohmygod the laugh. kill me good sir. mans straight up admits to owning people and is like "it's cool tho cause they signed a piece of paper. def not taking advantage of people that are literally starving or anything. it's fine." fuck you hades. go step on a fucking lego. orpheus is so sad :(

papers (instrumental). yes. sounds so good. i'm imagining an epic chase scene. the transition into nothing changes <3

nothing changes. respectfully? the fates could kill me any day and i'd thank them. the weather reference! that "anyhow" is so fucking good istg.

if it's true. another one of my favorites. pop off intro. the broken "is this how the world is?" sadly, yes. "but everybody knows that walls have ears." is literally such a powerful line to me for some reason. it does a great job of bringing in the chorus. and by calling the workers "walls" it shows that hades views them as "less than." they aren't even referred to as people. "what's the use of his backbone if he never stands upright." oh my god. because they literally cannot stand upright. anais mitchell is literally a fucking genius. fuck the 1%. gambling references! the chorus backing him is just so pretty. the way orpheus looks to the chorus for advice and support. "we're standing." ugh its so good.

how long. oh my fucking god. amber fucking gray. (that's it, that's the post). the way she sounds resigned/disappointed when she says "i've had enough" makes me so sad. there are no words to describe how i feel about 0:25 - 0:41. like their relationship is strained, and super mega fucked up, but it's obvious that they still care about one another. the emotion in their voices throughout this song is fantastic. the play on light and dark. also more bird references! how they view themselves/their self importance. hades is a most importantly king. persephone is most importantly a wife. it really show that hades views power as more important than anything else. "nothing comes of the songs people sing." holy fucking shit. cause their song is the "song of love," but they can barely stand each other and their relationship has fallen apart. persephone commenting on his love of power over his love of her. amber's voice during "the earth must die" is so nice and for what? god i love her. they sound so nice together <3

chant (reprise). another favorite hehe. the strings! it's all just so pretty. when the piano comes in i die a little. the self realization coming from the chorus when they're like "oh shit, this is wrong. i don't deserve to be treated like this." is so fucking fantastic. the "young mannn" again! hades really be like "manipulate her! make her depend on you financially! i've been ding this a while kid! i know how to successfully control women!" reeve sounds so pretty pls. the way that eurydice has basically become part of the chorus (since she's just another worker now). more self realization! the different ways that hades and orpheus view the "song of love." "sing before i kill you so i can use it to manipulate my wife and make her feel like shit." patrick's voice tho.

epic iii. reeve coming in with that falsetto like nobody's business. orpheus really about to bite you in the ass with your own damn song. amber gray <3. the "ooo"s in the background. the way the music picks up when reeve gets to the "la"s. it's just so fucking good. that falsetto again. orpheus really looked at the king of hell, a literal god, and said "i want to ruin him psychologically" and it fucking worked. which is some of my favorite irony because hades wouldn't have shit if it weren't for that fact that he's a good manipulator and takes advantage of the needy. that last line <3

epic iii (instrumental). i have no words for how fucking beautiful this is. i so desperately want an extended version. like for real love this so much. if i get married, i want this to be the song for the first dance.

promises. eurydice is so proud of him for finishing. the way that eurydice realized that she cares about him more that material objects. wind and weather references! "if we can do it so can they!" she sounds so excited. :( "hand-in-hand" lol nope. not them refencing wedding song, anyway the wind blows, and then giving their "i do"s. absolutely heart wrenching.

word to the wise. the fates. pls step on me ladies. the lyrics throughout this are so fucking good. lol hades being damned. cause he's the king of hell. honestly its solid advice tho. humans are really fucking stupid.

his kiss, the riot. give us them adjectives king. " how dare people want rights! >:(" hades is really trying to make himself the good guy rn. the music! 2:15 - 3:03 is so good pls. the lyrics are just so spectacular.

wait for me (reprise) (intro). hello again andre! hermes literally says "he's trying to psych you out and manipulate you. he wants you to doubt everything" and orpheus says "are you sure tho?" and then procedes to doubt everything. the way the music changes is <3. the song transition.

wait for me (reprise). my absolute fucking favorite song in this musical. the first fucking lyric is so good. it really sets an expectation for the song and i am not disappointed. lyrics that talk about how fucked up any single person's brain is are so fucking cool to me. god i love this song. how soft the first set of "wait for me"s are. the support/pressure from the chorus. the entire exchange between hades and persephone. the way amber's voice sticks out of the chorus. the fates coming in clutch again. train references! more brain talk! amber gray please end me. eva sounds so pretty. and the final note is so good!

doubt comes in. the long intro that builds up suspense. the first time that orpheus's "la"s aren't echoed by the chorus/music. wind! weather! the fates sound so pretty like always. reeve genuinely sounds so scared. the way the music picks up and the chorus joins in when eurydice starts singing. the music is so unsettling and i love it. god i love his voice. 3:44 - 3:57 always hits so different. you realize just how much she means to him. how it all goes to shit when the music reaches the climax. the fact that the music clashes on purpose. the sadness in their voices.

road to hell (reprise). it all comes full circle. god andre sounds so sad. the way you come to really hear the lyrics because there's no upbeat music to distract you this time, "its a tragedy" lol because the actual written story is a tragedy. "i learned that from a friend of mine" poor orpheus :(. the way the chorus slowly joins in and the music slowly picks up. the "can you feel it" is literally so fucking powerful. fuck yes amber. fuck it up queen. amber and eva sound so nice together. the "its a love song, its a sad song" is so sad. the final lyric is just. ugh.

we raise our cups. yes pls amber. this song is so pretty. good night queen.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 03.04.21 lb

aryan is literalllllllly the fuckin dumbest. zero peripheral vision or gut feels.

lmaoooooooooooo yeah right, i’d like to see you shoot at vansh bhai, aryan. i really wanna see this lololololol.

lo aa bhi gaya vansh. (fuck he looks good in this shirt!!!!!! damn my stupid hormones making me horny for the absolute baaaaaaaaare minimum.)

ANGREEEEEEEEEEEE ZINDA HAIIIIIIIIII BHAGWAAN KA LAAKH LAAKH SHUKAR, MAIN MAHA MRITYUNJAYA JAAP KARWAUNGIIIII ISKE NAAM PAR

vansh [seeing an obviously shot angre]: angre, kya hua???

samosa khaate waqt ketchup kandhe pe gira diya........... DIKH NAHI RAHA HAI KI GOLI LAGI HAI TERE CHUTIYE BHAI KI WAJAAH SE?!?!!?! ANGRE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE THAN A FUCKING RAISE, MY GOD.

plan ke hisaaaaaaaaaab se. god i hate all the men in this show so much. angre honestly, why are you suchhhhhh a chaaatu for vansh’s ootpataaang plans?!?!

anyway long story short, vansh saw aryan spying, went and replaced all of aryan’s bullets with blanks, and sent the sms about riddhima being alive. LMAO DOES THAT MEAN HE ALSO CONNED A COOL 2 CR. OUTTA ARYAN?!?!!?! ASDKSADJLASKDJLKASDJKAS GOOD JOB, VANSHHHHHHHH.

angre like why i had to die for this tho???? oh angre, you sweet summer child. do you know NOTHING about your bhaiyya/bhaabi’s amaaaaaaazing relationship????? you think he’d give up a chance to emotionally manipulate her like this????

how’d the dumbass finalllllllllllllllly figure this is real riddhima tho??? also he has fully made his peace with treating his PREGNANT WIFE this way huh????

ishani/siya having a girly convo about siya’s “date”. ishani’s like “was it sizzling, burning, sensational?”

uhhhhhhhhh siya, if you’re feeling all these things, you should go see a gynaec. sounds like an STI to me.

this is a very creepy convo ishani is leading, about how far siya got with vyom. who wants such specific sexual details from their sister????????

asalkdjlaskjdlaskjdlaskljk ishani is like “men are like goats [....] they’re dumb. and women are powerful.” can’t say i disagree.

anyway this convo is really dumb and cringey and i can’t take it anymore. inke bhaiyya ka chutiyaapa dikhao, instead of this nonsense. 

angre is over the moon ki this is riddhima bhaabi itself, unaware that boss is fuming ki uska chutiya kat raha hai.

6 ghante 6 ghante 6 ghante blah blah blah FUCKING OUT WITH IT ALREADY

the only time i like vansh as a person is when he’s smirky over buddhu banaao-ing aryan. 

idhar aryan ne aake chugli kar di sabke saamne.

yeh anupriya ka kya hi chakkar hai, idgi. is she fr on vansh’s side now??????

riddhima khud entry maaar rahi, to prove aryan right.

everyone except siya’s reactions are like ugh, this bitch again 😒😒😒

LMAO VANSH/ANGREEEEE LOST RIDDHIMA AND SHE REACHED HOME BY THEN

ouff 10 min of dadi’s mafia queen reactions nonsense now.

lo vansh bhi aa gaya.

ASALKJDLASJDLSKAJDLKSAJDLKSAJDLKSALDKJLAS DADI STANDING ON THE STAIRS PULLING THAT KHAANDANI RIFLE ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM LEGIT LOSING IT LMAO.

ALSO ISHAANI IS STANDING BEHIND DADI, FULLY FOR IT. BAGAAAWATTTT KII PYAARI BEHENAA NE!

riddhima trying to interfere to save vansh (why???), and dadi’s like STFU B.

lol vansh playing stone cold stupid, like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.

he’s spinning yarn after yarn ki “YEH riddhima hai, WOH jisko maara woh humshakal thi. MERA PYAAAAAAAR WOULD NEVER GIVE ANY OF US DHOKAAAAAAAAAAAA.” pftttttttt.

vansh breaking it down for the truuuuuuuuuuuuuly stupid, ki he shot a girl who had riddhima’s face, she was dead, aryan confirmed it. now there’s a riddhima standing in front of all of them. thus............???????

bechaara aryan. bachpan mein thode aur badaam khaata toh shaayad itna bewakoof nahi hota.

lollipop girl is nodding appreciatively at all this drama; she’s honestly the most relatable character here. if i was a houseguest here, main bhi roz roz mazze looot rahi hoti in chutiyon ka.

le aryan ne phir bandook taan di riddhima par, to get her to uglofy the truth. ab toh isko pakka maar padne waali hai. remains to be seen by whom. hoping it’s vansh as per usual, but i shall take dadi also.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA RIDDHIMA’S LIKE ARYAN HAD KIDNAPPED ME. OMFG LOLLIPOP LADKI’S EXPRESSION AT THAT. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE WANTS TO BE ADOPTED BY VANSH/RIDDHIMA’S DEVIOUS ASSES.

anyway riddhima flipped the whole damn game and is like dadi, aryan wanted to make you distrust vansh and that’s why he did all this and lmaoooooooo even vansh is a little stunned for a second or two and then jumps in and starts haan mein haan milaao-ing with wifey’s story.

ARYAN LIKE HEIN HEIN HEIN HO KYA RAHA HAI YEH SAB?!!?!?!? HAAAYE BECHAARA. SO SO STUPID HE IS. 

riddhima rubbing it in reallllllllll good in front of dadi ki aryan tried to killllllllll meeeeeeeee!!!!! and now aryan’s like bitch imma kill you both istg and got the gun on them.

LOLLIPOP LADKI’S AMAZING FACES LIKE GO ONNNNNNNNN, DOOOOOO ITTTTTTT, I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO IT, SIR. LMAO MAN I LOVE HER.

ASLKADJLAKSJDLASKJDLKSAJLDKJSLAKDJLAS DADI’S GOT HER GUN SET ON ARYAN NOW!!!!!!!!!!! honestly, this whole family is just so fucking dysfunctional, there needs to be a wholeass team of mental health specialists monitoring them and writing case reports about them at all times.

vansh trying to talk aryan down and got shot in the arm for it. pehli baar aryan ne zindagi mein kuch sahi kiya hai.

LOLLIPOP GIRL IS HORNY AT THAT ALSO. MAN SHE’S SUCH A WHORE FOR DRAMAAAAAAAAA AND I FULLY RELATE TO IT.

oh goddamnit. he didn’t get shot. coz aryan sucks at aiming, just like he does at everything else.

ASLKJFDSLKJFLSDKJFLDSKJFLKDSJ VANSH STALKED UP TO HIM AND WAS LIKE “TUMHARA NISHAANA HAMESHA SE HI KHARAAB THA” AND GAVE HIM ONE SOLID SOCK TO THE JAW FOR THAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

someone make rrahul trim his damn beard, that thing is like a foot off his face. there must be whole ass beehives and civilizations inhabiting it.

aryan passing by dadi and is like you’re making a big mistake believing vansh/riddhima and their lying asses. and what did he get for that? one jhaapad from dadi also. lol. just not his dayyyyyyyyyyy, man.

LOLLIPOP GIRL’S SMIRKING AND HAS HER ARMS CROSSED AND I LEGIT ONLY CARE FOR HER REACTION SHOTS IN THIS SHOW NOW, LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE.

oh shit dadi is throwing aryan out the house. does he have anyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy skills to fend for himself outside this place? he’s gonna die in like 15 minutes.

dadi warning vansh ki if aryan’s baat sahi nikli, she gonna murder his and riddhima’s asses too. hey vansh??? now would be a good time to take your 5000 cr. and fuck off outta this crazy house rn.

riddhima can’t stop reliving angre’s death.

vansh’s here and just sooooooooooo cool about it. shouldn’t that tip her off?!?!?!?!

she’s like BITCH WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PSYCHOPATH, YOUR BEST FRIEND IS DEAD AND YOU’RE LIKE MEH????? HE DIED FOR YOU.

ohohohohohohoho ofc, he’s like he didn’t die for ME, he died for YOU. you and your dhoka are why he’s dead. today angre’s dead, tomorrow it’ll be me. waaaaaaaaaaah bhai. amazingggggggggg manipulation only. you should write papers and give TED talks about it, that’s how much of an expert you are at this.

do not tellllllllllllllllllllllllllll me she falls for this shit. pls god do not.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HER BRAIN FINALLY WORKED!!!!!!!!!!! SHE’S LIKE IF ARYAN’S SUCHHHHHHHHHHH A POOR SHOT THAT HE COULDN’T HIT YOU WHEN YOU WERE LIKE 5 FEET AWAY FROM HIM, HOW TF DID HE GET ANGRE RIGHT IN THE FUCKING HEART FROM SO FAR AWAY?????????? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SIS, THIS THE KINDA SHIT I’VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE FROM YOU FOR AGES NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

lol vansh is really pushing on the 6 ghante thing and she’s like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i get it now.

toh ofc he has to resort to sexy fuckery and pulls her under the shower to seduce it outta her.

riddhima don’t think with her pussy no more. she’s like you want the truth????/ i gotta confirm some shit first. took the gun (which he’d taken from aryan earlier) and left.

yup she went outside and found a blood ka packet. lolllllllllllllllllll vansh ki khairrrrrrrrrrrr nahi ab.

sopping wet saiyyaan is like what youuuuuuuu doing??? and she pulled the gun on him. bwahahahahaha. sis not so much of an idiot anymore.

LMAO SHE SHOT AT HIMMMMMM AND HE CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

she’s like bitch you and your lies and your dhokasssssssssss.

oh dang she fully called out his game, from sending aryan to manipulating her into being guilty for angre’s death. MANNNNNNNN, WHY DIDN’T WE HAVE THIS RIDDHIMA FROM THE FUCKING START????????????

oh now he’s gaslighting her about the dhoka. he’s got some nerve. i swear to god he’s asking to be shot for reals.

she’s like you know what, i woulda told you, but now, after all this fuckery, imma take it to the grave. bwahahahahahhahaha, i love it. exactly what my petty ass would do.

challenge challenge challenge and tashan waala walk-off. lol, what’s the point, tum dono ko jaana toh ek hi kamre mein hai.

ishani’s freaking the fuck out at angre’s haalat. oh damn. she really does love him!!!!

angre’s all mehhh, it’s part of the job, and OMG YES ISHANI IS LOSING HER SHIT AT VANSH BHAI’S CONSTANT CONTROL OF THEIR LIVES!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“tum pehle mere husband ho, phir unke bodyguard!!!!!!!! HE HAS TO UNDERSTAND HIS LIMITS!!!!!!” OMGGG  YESSSSSSSSSSS QUEEEEEEEENNNNNN BURN IT ALL TO THE GROUND. LEAVE THIS HOUSE WITH YOUR BOY AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

idhar riddhima and vansh seem to have made up???? she’s waking him up cheekily, and he’s all “good morning to youuuuu too, my love. 😏😏😏” they fucked in the night, for sho.

he’s like is this love or repentence for yest? and she’s like bitch tf i got to repent for????

lmao the way she’s staring at him as he drinks his coffee makes me think she’s poisoned it. or spat in it, at the very least.

standard pulling and falling and sexy stuff. lol these two are so dysfunctional. constantly trying to sex the other into submission. at least it’s more equal now, than just him making all the moves.

yeah, she’s doing all this shit to protect him from some shit FOR SURE. ugh yaaaaar. oh well, at least she got some chracter development outta it.

lol he got mad at her for not melting at his do takke ka seduction. son, you thought a bloody forehead kiss was enough? we’re not saying SHIT for less than 3 orgasms.

riddhima cooolyyyy regarding jeeta-jaata chalta-phirta angre, who thankfully has some sharam for his actions.

she’s like don’t worry, i’m not mad at you, i know vansh put you up to it; and he’s like yeah you know i have zero self respect when it comes to vansh bhai. he says jump, i ask how high.

and she’s like you’re your own person dude. and i hope you’ll one day realize that and do what you think is right, not just what vansh tells you to. DUDE I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY DIDN’T GIVE US THIS RIDDHIMA TILL NOW. 

asdkljlaskjdlaskjdlaskjdlaksjdlkasj vansh speaking chinese was really not necessary but....... lol ok.

wtf even is this black box, dude?????? like.............. you know what, idec anymore. nothing in this show is worth wasting brain cells over.

snort, vansh assures his shady business friends that the black box is in safe hands, and instantly riddhima comes and picks it up from the table.

some sultry talk about love and war as they keep taking the box from each other. lol man you’re both so fucking lame.

anyway he put it in the safe and is being patronizing to her, and she’s like be careful at how you play this........ “kahin meri dukhti ragg pe haath na lag jaaye....” OH DAMN. DUDE. I THINK SHE’S LOST THE BABY OR SOMETHING. IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT’S HURT HER MASSIVELY TO BRING ABOUT SUCH A DRASTIC CHANGE (OTHER THAN THE SHOW MOVING FROM TV TO ONLINE)

asldkjsaldjlskadjlksadjlksajd she’s threatening to tell dadi that he played this whole farce in front of her and he’s like U WOT MATEEEE

anyway both of them smilingly fucking each other up about 6 ghante ka raaz and how the other one will lose. man, y’all need SO MUCH THERAPY.

riddhima’s here talking to stupid shunya fucker; and he’s just laughing and talking about his stupid saxophone.

he’s all only the two of us know about this deal we have, no one else in the worldddddddddd knows......

and she’s like actually................................. there’s a third person.

cut to: MY DIL JAAN JIGAR KA TUDKA KABIR, STILL IN CHAINS, SCREAMING RIDDHIMA’S NAME, AND GROWLING ABOUT HOW VANSH WILL KILL HER WHEN HE FINDS OUT HER SECRET.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. why did she have to tell vyom that kabir knows? now vyom’s gonna try and kill kabir for sure and i want the reverse to happen!!!!!!!! please god gimme some #kava love where vansh saves kabir from vyom to make up for that one time kabir saved his life from chang!!!!!! i just want my two boys together!!!!!!!!!

precap: same old chutiyapa. vansh got her fingerprints off a glass to open her phone; she tries to steal the black box from his secret room and he catches her. abbe yaaaaaaaaaaaaar. 

[percywinchester27]

@caughtaghostsomehow​ I’m just going to put it all underneath the keep reading, picking things from all of those reblogs cause why not!

Part 27: 

I understand why Max trusts Sam so much... Even after he initially failed him, he still kept his promise later on and he's been keeping it since.

The scene when Sam finds Max in the cell... Oh man.. I was angry at first, just like Sam but then my heart broke for this little boy. Sam and him needed each other. I think they may be soulmates.. The universe destined them to help each other out.

Yep. The reason why Sam is just so insanely careful about Max is because he how what it feels like to almost lose him. And the prison scene changed a lot since it was conceived. But I knew I wanted Max to start out as a physical kid and then grow out of it. He and Sam really were destined.

I'm so glad we got to see how Jody found out about the whole situation and I just love her more after finding out that she helped with the adoption (by the way, I love how thorough your research is 🧡).

I knew Dean would never give up on his brother but it just made me really emotional when he kept calling and Sam finally picked up and the first words out of Dean's mouth were "are you alright?". It got to me for some reason...

I thought it was logical to go to her for a lot of reasons- cause she is a legal writings professor, a close friend AND has experience with adoption as a single parent in the very same state. 

Awww... all the Dean parts get me. ALL of them. Especially here because they are so far and in-between in this story.

But Sam wanted his wife to trust him the same way. Unconditionally. He wanted her to trust him with fixing their life, dealing with their loss and grief and wanted her to trust him with rebuilding their life from before the accident.

This is you using my braincells by the way. Cause later on, someone points this EXACT same thing to the reader

I know I've said this before but it just keeps coming back to this in my head, she knew things couldn't be fixed because as much as she probably trusted Sam with her life, she understands that some things just aren't in anyone's control... And Sam wanted her to believe he could mend the wounds all by himself... It's sad and frustrating but I can't wait for them to have this conversation

I know you’ve read part 30 already and you know they touch on this very very briefly but they don’t really resolve this. It gets addressed specifically eventually. His ‘i could fix us’ vs. her ‘I knew you couldn’t.’ Does such for them though.

Chapter 28

Why do I have a bad feeling about that party?

Because. Same. Braincells. Lol.

I really wanted for someone to say that and Sam certainly needed to hear it and I'm so glad it was Chase who opened his eyes about this. He's absolutely right too, let the woman speak for her damn self instead of assuming how she feels.

Chase was me! Yelling at all these characters for not fucking listening to me haha... remember how I told you that people were suspicious of Chase? Yeah, after this chapter, everyone’s kinda adopted him. 

My emotions have been all over the place lately anyway but reading how Sam needed to compose himself before speaking about his son's death... I swear I don't have tears in my eyes while typing this- that was hard to read.

I'm glad Max knows... I don't know how much of it he understands but he's a clever boy, I'm sure he has at least a little bit better of an idea why this situation is so delicate.

Awww I’m so sorry I made you cry :/ But, well... Sam doesn’t grieve his son’s death the way the reader does. He’s always been more stoic. Besides, he had to deal with two griefs back then not just one... but I am sure it still hurts too much. 

I’ve left it to everyone’s imagination how much Max understands. He knows the concept of death for sure.... but his birth father had orgies at his house. We can all only hope that Max is completely shielded from that since he was using to hiding in closets when there were strangers in the house.

I was surprised by his question too but Sam's response was so... Loving. My heart can't take this.. He's such a great father...

Yep. I mean how else could he have reassured Max? His no lying policy is a great way to raise a child tbh. My sister does that with my nephew. That’s how I know.

Chapter 29

I really like Maddie, she's a genuinely sweet person, I love how helpful she tries to be and that she honestly wants her friend to be happy. I wonder what exactly went wrong during that party for her to look so dejected...

Maddie is nice. I was hellbent on making all of Sam’s canon Exes nice in this series. Cause I’ve had enough of reading the evil ex and current gf pitted against each other trope (Though I’ve never written it myself. Maybe I should and see for myself why it is so alluring lol.) I don’t know, maybe it was little a double prank thingy? Throw the reader in the water and be as mean to Madison as you can?

I really fucking hope that Brad gets what he deserves and that is to be kicked in the balls. Ever fucking heard the word boundary? Consent? I hate people like him with a burning passion and that whole situation infuriated and scared me in equal measure.

Yeah. That asshole needs to go down! His endgame has changed more than anyone elses in the story lol.

The fact that all of it came back to her the instant she hit the water made me sob. She wanted to protect her baby but there was no one there... I just- oh fuck.

Kay that part was HARD to write. All of it. Poor reader!

Was Sam the one to pull her out? If so then I don't even want to think about what would happen if he wasn't there, if they haven't made plans...

The way she started crying for their baby when she found her breath again made me cry even more... I don't know why I feel such a strong connection to this story and characters but I don't want them to ever feel pain like that again. It's heartbreaking 💔

Yeah that was Sam... I mean the pool was visible and all that. I mean of course you know. You read the next chapter. Why am I being a dumbass :/ 

Something had to trigger her trauma. It wasn’t going to come out on its own and And Sam loves her too much to force her to grieve. He barely held it together when she did grieve so well...

PS.: I'm really sorry you experienced drowning, it's a horrible thing to go through. I don't do pools- or really, any body of water, either. There's just something about the idea of drowning that unsettles me more than I can express.

Yeahh... God bless that lifeguard. Seriously. He’s the only one who noticed that I wasn’t coming up. It was night time and the pool was pretty dark so. I am so sorry that you don’t like pools, either. It’s terrifying.

Chapter 30

Firstly, Ria, you’re TOO GOOD to me, seriously! The fact that I could have you speechless is about the biggest complement you could’ve given me.

If you can call it that and at first when she asked him about the ring, I was surprised but my heart just sunk. I don't think either of them were in the right, I don't think they were both wrong either... I don't believe I'm good enough with problem solving to know what advice I'd give them but I do know that I have never experienced a feeling more cathartic than this one when reading. Twenty nine chapters leading to this moment... All the questions and pining and heartbreak. .. And sure, there's so much more they could say and there's so much more you talk about and figure out but as of right now... This is the beginning of the rest of their lives.

So, I think what she meant to ask was why did he just not give up on her, but she was tired and spontaneous and the ring question just tumbled out instead. I tried so hard for all their conversations to sound spontaneous and not rehearsed you know? Where they ended up touching on every aspect of the past? Cause that wouldn’t happen. It just wouldn’t. 

And THANK YOU for saying that. I swear to God, this chapter wouldn’t have made that impact if it hadn’t had a backing of 29 chapters. It would have royally fallen flat. Everyone was invested in the story by now and I was counting on it.

I didn't like how Sam got angry at first because I put myself in her shoes but the truth is, someone needed to get angry about something. One of them had to feel some type of overwhelming emotion to get here and it just so happened that it started with pain and landed on anger.

This is and SPN finale type of dilemma though. Like for the writers, they had to Kill of Dean first cause only Sam had the slight ability to move on. Sam way, I didn’t think the reader would have ever gotten angry first. She is so burdened by her own guilt (undeserved tbh) but she wouldn’t just lash out first. Sam had been angry at the start of the series and absolutely livid in their time apart. I just thought it would be easier for him to get mad first. Not defending his choices or whatever, just why I chose to make that decision as a writer. I would have been plenty mad a reader, too.

But the way they got angry wasn't a bad thing, their anger was based in how much they care about each other. Like the anger I would feel when one of my dogs ran just a little too far from me and a car was coming - took like fifteen fucking years off my ife istg. But I wasn't angry and screaming at them to make them feel bad, I was angry because I was so fucking scared that they would get hurt. The anger wasn't based in resentment, it was based in love. It's the same here and you can see it.

Jesus, I’m so sorry that happened with one of your dogs. Seriously. That sounds scary AF. I’m glad your dogs are okay.

Their anger isn’t destructive. It just isn’t. That much I’m pretty sure of. They’ve dealt with so much shit, and truly love each too much to actually hurt one another with words at this point. And it’s a good 10 chapters of journey where they deal with one issue after another to effing solve it like adults and not teenagers in throes of passion. I was like, nope! Not doing the passionate way. These two don’t get to be smart enough to get into Stanford and then be dumb like that and scream and yell and be jealous or irrational. It added a few chapters, but if I can be patient, so can be everyone else :P

The story she told about the cactus was not only a brilliant way to show her mindset and how people saw her over the years but also so fucking heartbreaking. On one hand you have this coworker who saw her and thought, "that person needs something low maintenance if they can care for something at all" and on the other - you've got this woman who tries her best to nurture this plant and help it grow and it ends up dying anyway.

That cactus one is inspired by real life event. And it seriously broke my heart to go through. Hoping each day that the last pod might live through :/ Like you said her co-worker wasn’t being mean, but it sucks that the cactus died anyway :(

Girl, you made my morning today. I woke up to your love and I just... you had me speechless. That chapter took a lot out of our branicells and I rewrote it so many times just to get it right for it to be respectful, vulnerable and cathartic at the same time. 

But may I ask you, WHY YOU WERE UP TILL 5:30 in the morning to read it? I have a timestamp thingy going for me, okay? I knew what time it was over there! And you gave yourself a migraine crying? OMG! I am so so sorry :/ Gosh. If I knew, you were going to binge it straight, I’d have warned you!

Seriously, Ria! Thank you seems like a small phrase. I will tell you this, I love you! So much!