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#why did i not start doing this shit earlier
justagalwhowrites · 2 days
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Can't Stay Away - A QZ!Joel Miller Fic
Years after you turned to Joel for help getting out of a bad relationship, he can't seem to stop coming back to you.
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Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
CW: Angst (duh), Joel is a bit of an asshole (that's the point and it makes him even hotter, I fear), mention of past domestic violence (not described), injury from past domestic violence, threat of continued domestic violence. unprotected P in V sex, breeding kink, fantasizing about pregnancy (doesn't actually happen.) Minors DNI 18+ only, no use of Y/N.
Length: 4.1k
A/N: Shared for the Joel Miller Birthday Celebration found on Tumblr here. This is QZ!Joel with Secret Relationship and Breeding Kink. I hope you enjoy!
Masterlist | AO3
“Where the fuck else is there to go?” Tommy asked, shucking his mud-covered boots and leaving them in a pile by the door. 
“Just got business to take care of,” Joel said, voice rough. 
“It’s pourin’ rain, man,” his brother said, dropping his drenched pack to the table as if to make a point. “We didn’t even know we were makin’ it back tonight until fuckin’ tonight. Just stay home.” 
“Wanna get this done,” Joel said, taking his portion of their haul from his pack and piling it on the table. He left just one thing inside the pack. “Probably won’t be back ’til morning.” 
Tommy just pursed his lips, shaking his head a little. 
“Just don’t do anything stupid, Joel.” 
Joel didn’t say anything back. What did he have to say? 
Tommy had every reason to worry about him being stupid. Every reason to believe that Joel was going to do something that would hurt their smuggling operation. Every reason to believe that Joel was going to do something that would hurt himself. 
Which, he supposed, wasn’t particularly far off. 
You were, indeed, something stupid and something that would hurt him. 
You were his biggest indulgence and his biggest risk, the thing that was the largest threat to him here in the Boston QZ. 
Ex-wife of a FEDRA guard, Joel should avoid you. 
His work was dangerous enough as it was, he shouldn’t make it more dangerous by messing around that close to the people who could execute him if they really wanted, especially not with someone they seemed to take pleasure in tormenting.
But he couldn’t seem to stay away from you. 
He couldn’t put his finger on what it was. It wasn’t that he loved you. Not that he’d ever really loved a woman - he’d tried with Sarah’s mom and was sure he’d come up short - but he knew he didn’t have it in him to love anything now. The aching wound of loss took up too much of him, there wasn’t space for anything else.
But he did care. Whether that was because he was attached to you as a person or because you made him come so hard he forgot the world ended for a moment, he didn’t know. 
He supposed the why didn’t matter. He cared. He cared enough that he couldn’t lose you without it adding to that wound, one that had damn near killed him and had seemed to have only grown worse with time. 
That should be enough of a reason to stay away from you. Hadn’t he learned his lesson by now? That giving a shit only led to pain? That if he was going to keep surviving any of this, he had to be far, far away from something like you? 
Still, he made his way through the QZ, the pouring, cold rain fitting the grim environs. Everything here was slightly wrong. It looked something like a city from before but not. It appeared as though things could be normal, somewhere, except they weren’t. It seemed as though Joel had been tailor made for this place, this time. Living some kind of half life where everything was shades of gray, nothing left to live for but - apparently - not able to die. The last gasp of humanity left in him clinging to this world. 
That made you a shade of gray, too, one he wasn’t sure what to do with. 
It had started years earlier, when you were desperate and willing to trade sex for a gun. 
Joel hadn’t taken you up on the offer then, frowning as you watched him with wide, desperate eyes. 
“The hell do you need a gun for?” He’d asked. “If you don’t already got one, hard pressed to see someone like you startin’ in on a business that needed one.” 
“Does it matter?” You asked. “I’ll give you what ever you want, please.” 
“Matters to me,” Joel said. “Not about to arm someone looking to move in on my business.” 
“It’s not for that.” 
“Then you shouldn’t have a problem tellin’ me what it is for,” he replied. 
You looked around, cagey, before lowering your voice further. As though talking about an illegal weapons trade wasn’t enough of a reason to keep quiet. 
“I’m leaving my husband,” you said, those wide, soft eyes watching him so closely. “He’s FEDRA and he’s made it clear that he won’t let me go without a fight. I need to be able to protect myself, please, I can give you ration cards as I earn them, I can… I’ll do anything else you might want, I…” 
“Stop,” Joel cut you off, tears starting at the edges of your eyes. He took his hand gun from its place tucked in the small of his back and passed it to you as discreetly as he could. “There, now you got somethin’. Meet me here tomorrow, same time, I’ll get you more ammo. Know how to use it?” 
“Don’t I just point it and pull the trigger?” You asked, brows raised. 
He just sighed. 
“Think you can keep from usin’ it until tomorrow?” He asked. You nodded quickly. “Good. I’ll show you.” 
“Thank you,” you said, stashing the weapon quickly. “What… what do I owe you?” 
The fear in your voice made his stomach turn.
“Nothin’,” Joel said. “Fine on ration cards at the moment. Don’t trade in the other shit. Tomorrow. Don’t be late.” 
 You just nodded quickly, thanking him with too much earnest hope in your voice for something being spoken to him.
Joel spent the afternoon the next day teaching you how to shoot as best he could inside the QZ. Turns out, the reason you didn’t already know how is that you’d been in Boston during the outbreak. You’d just moved there with your shitbag of a husband a few weeks before it all came crashing down. You’d never really needed to fight, let alone shoot or kill. You never needed a gun. 
Until your husband started hitting you. 
Joel learned quickly exactly why you felt like you needed to be armed. He’d put a hand on your ribs to adjust your stance and you hissed in pain. Joel pulled away quickly, frowning as you tried to hide your pained expression but it didn’t work. 
“You gonna tell me what that was?” He asked, brows raised. You clenched your jaw and stared at the ground. 
“It’s not your business.”
“I’m helpin’ you, your husband is a fucking FEDRA officer, if you’re about to haul off and kill him I should know why,” he said, voice heated. “So tell me, he do that?” 
Your eyes finally met his and he didn’t need to ask again. 
“Lemme see.” 
“Joel…” 
“Show me,” he said, voice sharp. 
You sighed and lifted your sweatshirt, revealing discolored and swollen skin along one side. 
Joel clenched his jaw. 
“It’s gotten worse,” you said quietly. “I can’t keep pretending it’ll be OK if we just get through this, I can’t pretend like he hasn’t been building toward this for years. I need to get out before he kills me.” 
Joel stepped back and you lowered your shirt, your eyes on his. 
“He bigger than you?” He asked. You nodded. “Alright, gonna teach you a few more things, too…” 
He showed you how to protect yourself without a gun and how to end a conflict with one. He hoped you wouldn’t need to use either. After a few days of showing you how to do the things he’d assumed just came with the territory of surviving the end of the world, you went your separate ways. 
But Joel still thought of you, an odd twinge in his chest when he did, something like concern. He wanted you to be OK. He couldn’t put his finger on why that would matter to him but he wanted that, he wanted you to be safe and happy. 
So when he ran into you on the street a few months later, he couldn’t help but ask. And you smiled at him, brighter than he’d ever seen you look, when you told him that you had your own place now, that the gun he’d given you had never been fired. It was hard, but you’d survived. 
The two of you went to the speakeasy and you bought Joel a drink, saying you owed him for helping you get out of your situation. He let you buy the first round. He bought the second. Before too long, he was in your apartment, pulling off your clothes and touching your body without you flinching away from him. 
You became like a drug to him then. Every few nights he found himself outside your door, desperate for the reprieve you and your sex gave him. Some sense of normalcy, the ability to feel something beyond the crushing weight of loss, that brief moment when he was buried inside you and reaching his peak that the rest of the world fell away and he existed on a plane where nothing bad had ever happened to him and he’d never done anything to deserve it. 
He tried to pretend like that release is all it was. But then there were moments where he couldn’t deny that it was more. The time where he passed you on the street and your eyes met his and he wanted to go talk to you, to see why your eyes seemed dark and sad, but there was a FEDRA guard watching you from the corner and he couldn’t risk it, not for either of you. The time he showed up at your door and heard yelling and he pretended to be a neighbor to intervene. All the times he held you as you fell asleep nestled against his skin, soft and beautiful and trusting, all things that should have been driven out of you in the QZ. All things you should never have been with him in the first place. 
He swallowed those moments, tried to not let the fear and panic they sparked inside of him take over. The last time he loved someone, they died. The last time he loved someone, it almost killed him. He couldn’t love you. He couldn’t risk it. 
But here he was, at your door again, anyway.
He tried to stop himself from knocking but all it did was make his hand stutter before he did what he always did: wait for you to let him in. 
“Joel?” You opened the door in an oversized t-shirt and boxers, looking groggy. “You’re back.” 
You threw your arms around his neck and pulled him inside, pressing your body against his, burying your face in the hollow of his throat and he let himself breathe you in, remind himself that you were safe. 
“I was so worried about you,” your voice was muffled in the wet fabric of his shirt. “I heard some things from people at the gate and…” 
“The gate?” He frowned, pulling back from you. “The hell were you doin’ down there?” 
You looked at him, your lower lip going between your teeth, fingers twisting on themselves. 
“What. Were you doin’. At the gate.” 
“I heard something at work,” you said quietly. “About a patrol getting overrun by infected and… I wanted to see if there were signs of other people getting hurt, I’m sorry, I couldn’t just sit here and wait for you and not know…” 
“You can’t do shit like that,” he said roughly. “It ain’t safe, your fuckin’ husband is always looking for a reason to make your life hell, he would have me and Tommy killed if he knew about us, you can’t just…” 
“I know.” 
“Then why’d you do it?” He smacked his hand against the tabletop, making you flinch, hating himself for scaring you even for a moment. “I know you fuckin’ know better!” 
“Because I care about you!” You yelled, your voice thick. “Is that such a crime?” 
Joel crumpled at that, shoulders slouching. 
“That’s…” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That ain’t what this is, honey, you know that.” 
“I know,” you said again, voice soft. “I’m not expecting anything from you, Joel, I know better than that. I just… I’m not just going to pretend that you’re nothing to me. Life is too short for that.” 
His heart thudded against his ribs, so hard it felt like a bruise. 
“I can’t…” 
“I know,” you whispered, reaching up and cupping his cheek. “It’s OK. I know.” 
He should have turned to leave then, he was smart enough to know that. But your hand was soft on his skin, your body was warm next to his, your eyes were welcoming and understanding in a way that nothing else had been since he’d lost the only thing that mattered. 
So he kissed you.
It wasn’t something that was soft and romantic, nothing like what you deserved, nothing like how he would have kissed you if he’d known you before. Instead it was fierce, devouring, harsh enough that he knew his stubble must be scratching your skin and he didn’t care. All he cared about was getting more of you. 
You tugged him back toward your bedroom, Joel stepping out of his boots as he went. He dropped his pack on the floor and tugged your shirt up and over your head, casting it aside. He ran his hands over your bared skin, your flesh pebbled where the cold, wet of his shirt touched you. He pulled that off, too, before he could do anything that hurt you, even for a moment. Christ knew you had enough of that behind you, the look on your face when he’d lost control just a minute before already a scar in his mind, adding to the scars on your skin from your marriage he wished he could go back and stop. 
You undressed each other quickly, desperately, and he all but threw you on the bed once you were naked. He followed you there, shedding the last of his clothes before crawling up your body, his finger tracing your slit to spread you open just enough that he could get his thick, hard cock inside. 
He should be more careful with you, he knew that. But he didn’t have the patience and you’d never, even once, asked him to slow down or be gentle. So he pushed himself inside with one sharp, hard stroke, making you gasp and arch beneath him as he groaned at the feeling of your tight cunt. You whimpered as he stilled deep inside, adjusting to how you held him, fighting to keep from coming too quick because you felt too goddamn good but he couldn’t waste it, not this fast. 
“You’re OK,” he panted, his mouth against your shoulder. “You can take it, baby, know you can, take it so well.” 
He felt you nod against him, your hands trembling as they went to his back, holding him close. 
“Just take it,” he said as he started to fuck into you, caving to his baser instincts and letting himself have you the way you seemed so willing to give yourself to him. “Just take it, honey, just let me… let me…” 
Your hips rolled to meet his, your nails digging into his skin. 
“Feels so good, Joel,” you whined against him. “Fuck, I missed you, you feel, you feel, I…” 
He kissed you, swallowing your babbling before you had a chance to complete your thought. He couldn’t hear what he was afraid was coming, a line he couldn’t bring himself to cross. There was so much he couldn’t give to you, so much that he knew you deserved but was too selfish to give you up so you could find it. 
But fuck, did he wish he could give you that. In another time, another place, another reality entirely, he could. He knew that. In some other world, one where humanity wasn’t gone and his daughter was still breathing, he would give you everything. In that world, he would love you. He would open your car door and share inside jokes and care for you in a way no one else could. In that impossible world, you and him lived in a little house with a garden out front and a spare bedroom where Sarah stayed when she came for a visit because she would be an adult now, with a life of her own instead of forever frozen at 14. In that reality, you were his in every way. His ring was on your finger, his roof over your head, his baby in your womb. He wouldn’t need to hide it then, wouldn’t need to tiptoe around FEDRA, wouldn’t need to be afraid of what loving you might mean. He could fuck you until you were full of him, so full that you carried part of him inside of you for months, your body growing and changing with it and then no one would ever question that you were his, fucking his. 
Your pussy drew tight around him as your fingers wound tight in his hair. Your nipples were hard against his chest, the plush of your breasts pressed to his front as your thighs tightened around his hips. 
He pulled his mouth from yours to kiss and suck his way down your neck to your chest, pressing himself deep inside you and letting himself pretend - just for a moment - that the reality he occupied was one where he could have you, really have you. That the two of you were in a cozy bedroom with furniture he built for you with a room a few doors down that you’d already started looking at cribs and changing tables to fill it with. 
“Gonna come,” you panted, your hips stuttering against him as he pressed inside, forcing the head of his cock against the soft, tender place deep within you. “Fuck, don’t stop, don’t stop, I’m gonna… I… I…” 
He was so close to his peak that he almost wanted you to say it. He wanted you to say it while he came deep inside you, leaving himself there so it could take, so he could watch you grow his child and take care of you through it, so he could take care of both of you after. Claim you so thoroughly that when you were in the QZ there was no question that you were his, not with his baby inside you and his arm around your shoulders. 
He wanted it. He wanted it so bad that, in that moment with his cock buried inside you as you keened below him, he didn’t care if it fucking killed him. 
Joel came apart when you did, the fluttering of your tight little hole sending him over the edge, the high of nothing else in the world mattering outside of you and the hot clutch of your body swallowing him whole for one glorious moment. 
But, as always happened, he came back down to earth, still held in the cradle of your hips, still breathing the scent of your skin, still lost in the wasteland that was once the world. 
He didn’t kiss you as he pulled out of you, collapsing on the bed next to you, closing his eyes for a moment to keep from looking at you too long. 
“You gotta be more careful,” he said after a moment. 
You were silent long enough that he looked over at you, finding you on your side facing him but staring down at the mattress. 
“I know,” you said eventually. 
“I’m not trying to be an asshole,” he said, his voice gentle. Or as gentle as he seemed to be able to make it now, anyway. “But you know what happened the last time he thought you were seein’ someone. If killing him would fix it, I would, but I can’t kill every fucking FEDRA guard who’d take it out on you and I’m not gonna be the reason you get hurt.” 
“I know,” you said again, looking at him this time. “But I… I just…” 
“I know,” he said it this time, his stomach twisting. 
You just nodded. 
“You deserve better,” he said eventually. “Shouldn’t let me treat you the way I do.” 
“I don’t mind.” 
“You should,” he snapped and then sighed, staring at the ceiling again. “Sorry for scarin’ you before. When I hit the table. I… I would never…” 
“I know,” you said, more confidently then. He looked back to you, frowning. “I’m not afraid of you, Joel. I know better about that, too.” 
He was silent again, going back to staring at your water-stained ceiling. 
“Should probably take a break,” he said eventually. “Not see each other for a bit.” 
“It wouldn’t change anything,” you said quietly. He frowned, watching you again. “I know myself. I know how I feel. It’s OK. I don’t expect anything from you. Not even this.” 
His eyes searched yours and he let himself try to reach some other version of him on some other plane, one where things were safe and he was in the bed you shared with him in the home you made together. A version where he could be honest with you and it wouldn’t destroy him. 
“I’d give you more if I could,” he said instead. 
You smiled ever so slightly, a gentle curve to your lips. 
“I know,” you said softly. “Believe it or not, I know you, too, Joel.” 
He let himself look at you for a moment, let that terrifying wound at the center of him hurt where he could really feel it, to feel the horror of what letting himself love you would be. 
“It’s OK,” you whispered as you reached out and brushed his curls back, your fingertip grazing the scar at his temple. “I’ll just love you, anyway.” 
He stayed in your bed that night, lying awake as you slept against him, ignoring the scream of panic at the core of him to run while he still could. He knew it couldn’t last. He knew he couldn’t rest like this, not with you this close, not in this awful place with that awful hurt. But he couldn’t leave you either. Not like this. 
“Oh,” he said the next morning when it was still dark so he could slip back to his own apartment before some FEDRA prick was awake to see him leaving your place. “Almost forgot.” 
He pulled a scarf from his pack, the one thing he hadn’t left at home after this run. It was thick, the knit heavy, a color that made your eyes shine. Not that he had pictured you wearing it with those eyes of yours when he’d picked it up. He held it out to you and you frowned, confused, as you took it. 
“Winter is around the corner and you were cold all the time last year,” he said gruffly. “Don’t want you freezin’ to death.” 
You smiled a little, running your fingers over the pattern knit into the yarn. 
“Thank you,” you said, holding it to your chest and looking back to him. “I really needed this, Joel.” 
He just grunted, pulling his pack on and heading for the door. 
“I’m gonna stay away from you for a while,” he said, trying to ignore the pain in his chest at that. “Don’t want anyone catching on.” 
“OK,” you said, eyes searching his before you stepped close to him and slowly, cautiously, pressed your soft, warm lips to his own. “Take care of yourself for me, OK?” 
You said it like you would say I love you. 
“You, too,” he said. He wondered if it sounded the same to you, too. 
 Staying away from you took work. He wanted to see you, be next to you, get lost in you. But he knew where that would lead and he couldn’t let it, not now, not like this. 
So he stayed away for weeks. He stayed away until the first snowfall of the season in Boston and he made an excuse to go stand outside your job. He couldn’t help it. He needed to make sure you were warm and safe so he stood there and watched you leave, his scarf around your neck, You caught his eye with a small smile as you passed a FEDRA guard and he knew, with sinking certainty, he’d be back at your door that night. 
He just couldn’t seem to stay away from you. 
292 notes · View notes
itneverendshere · 1 day
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Can we get something along the lines of bartender reader maybe working at the country club and some guy has been hitting on her all night, he’s older, creepy, won’t leave her alone, getting drunker as the night goes on and she’s just trying to ignore him but she has to go to the supply closet later in the night or steps away for whatever reason and the guy follows her? reader is gone for too long and Rafe notices, finds her and stops the guy?? I need protective Rafe over reader 😍
ugh i hate creeps, literally felt ill writing this but for the sake of the story i did, bc it's unfortunately very common. thank you for the request lovely 🫶🏻🫂
throw away my faith just to keep you safe - r.c
pairing: rafe x pogue!reader (bartender!reader universe) warnings: unwanted advances; there's a creep.
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It was just another Friday night, the usual crowd of kooks indulging in their weekly rituals of wealth and excess. For you, it was just another night behind the bar.
Wiping down the counter, you glanced at the clock. Nearly midnight.
Your shift was crawling toward the finish line, thank god, but the crowd promised at least another hour of pouring drinks and faking smiles. Not that you minded by this point — the tips were decent, and the job wasn’t hard. But sometimes, the clientele was more than you could handle.
“Another round for me, sweetheart?”
You turned toward the voice and visibly shuddered at the sight. There he was again — the guy who had been hitting on you all night, like a stupid plague. He was in his mid-forties, with thinning hair and a sleazy smile. He’d been getting progressively drunker, his advances getting bolder with every drink. You didn’t get paid enough to put up with this shit, but you also didn’t feel like getting fired for slapping someone across the face. 
You gave him a tight-lipped smile, trying to keep it professional. “Sure. Another whiskey?”
He leaned closer, his breath reeking of alcohol. “Y’know you’ve got the prettiest eyes. Why don’t you come sit with me for a bit? I’m sure the bar can survive without you.”
Internally, you cringed. Outwardly, you kept your smile, though it was starting to drop. “I’m working,” You replied, “I can’t.”
He grinned like he hadn’t heard you — or maybe he just didn’t care. “C’mon, you can take a break. I’ll make it worth your while.”
You’d rather shoot yourself in the face. You turned away, busying yourself with grabbing his drink. You didn’t want to make a scene. You could handle this. You’d dealt with drunk idiots your entire life.
But something about him was different — he wasn’t just annoying, he was persistent, and you didn’t like the way he was looking at you.
Rafe had checked in on you earlier, but you hadn’t seen him for a while. Normally, you could handle yourself, but tonight you really wished he was closer.
The guy’s drink slammed down in front of him harder than you intended, and you forced another smile. “Here you go.”
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he drawled, eyes dragging down your body in a way that made your skin crawl. “You’re too pretty to be stuck behind a bar. Bet you could find someone to take care of you, huh?”
You barely held back an eye roll as you turned away from him, grabbing the rag to wipe down the counter again just to have something to do with your hands. 
The guy cleared his throat, leaning even closer over the bar. “How much longer do you think you’ll be working, sweetheart?” His voice was low, like he was trying to make it intimate, but it just made your stomach turn. “I’ll wait for you. We could have a little fun after you’re off. I know you’re not gonna go home alone tonight, right?”
“Yeah, I am,” you muttered under your breath, hoping he didn’t hear.
But he did.
“Aw, come on now, don’t be like that,” he said, his grin widening like you were joking with him. “I know girls like you — all tough on the outside, but once someone gives you a little attention, you melt.”
You slammed the rag down, turning toward him, patience leaving your body. “Look, I’ve told you, I’m working. And even if I wasn’t, I’m not interested. So how about you just take your drink and leave me alone?”
His smile dropped for a moment, his eyes narrowing in irritation. “You don’t gotta be a bitch about it, sweetheart,” he slurred, clearly not backing down. “I’m just trying to be nice.”
Before you could answer — or reach for the nearest object to throw at him — a familiar voice cut in from behind.
“How about you fuck off before I make you?”
You knew that tone. It was the one he used right before things escalated. Fast. You looked over to see Rafe standing just behind the bar, his jaw clenched and his eyes locked onto the guy in front of you.
His posture was tense, fists curled at his sides like he was holding himself back from jumping at the guy. “Rafe,” you called softly, reaching out to grab his arm. “It’s fine, I’ve got it.”
But he didn’t take his eyes off the man. “No, you don’t,” he muttered, stepping closer to the bar, “This guy’s been harassing you all night. He needs to leave.”
He looked Rafe up and down, taking in the expensive clothes, the look in his eyes, and the way his muscles tensed beneath his shirt.
“Hey, man,” the guy said, holding up his hands in a show of surrender. “No need to get all worked up. I was just talking to her.”
“You weren’t just talking,” Rafe snapped, “You were being a creep, and now you’re gonna get the fuck out of here.”
The guy opened his mouth to argue, but Rafe took another step forward, and whatever argument he had died in his throat. He grabbed his drink from the bar, muttering something under his breath that you couldn’t quite catch before he turned and stumbled away toward the door.
Once he was gone, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.
Rafe turned to you, his expression softening immediately. “You okay, baby?”
You nodded, but your hands were shaking slightly. “Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks for stepping in.”
He stepped closer, “You shouldn’t have to deal with assholes like that.”
“I can handle it,” you replied, “But I’m glad you were here.”
Rafe’s brow furrowed slightly, his thumb tracing soft circles against the skin in your arm. “I don’t want you handling it. I don’t want you dealing with that shit at all.”
You smiled faintly, leaning into his touch. “It’s part of the job sometimes.”
“Not when I’m around, it’s not,” he said firmly, his eyes locking onto yours. 
You grinned, your fingers brushing over his collarbone as you tilted your head up to kiss him. His lips were soft against yours and when you pulled back, his forehead rested against yours.
“I’ll be fine for the rest of the night,” you whispered. “Promise.”
He exhaled softly, his arms tightening around you just a little. “I know. I just hate seeing shit like that happen to you.”
“Me too, baby.” you admitted, your fingers tracing patterns on his chest. “But at least the tips are good, right?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Only you would focus on the tips after that.”
“Gotta find the silver lining somewhere,” you teased.
Rafe chuckled, leaning down to kiss you again. This time it was deeper, and for a moment, you almost forgot you were still at work. When he pulled away, he glanced back toward the bar. “You need me to stick around?”
You shook your head. “Nah, I think your little display of alpha male behavior probably scared off any other creeps for the night.”
He smirked, looking a little too pleased with himself. “Good.”
“Go hang out with the guys,” you said, patting his chest. “I’ll see you when I’m done.”
He hesitated for a second, his hand still resting on your waist like he wasn’t ready to let go, but finally, he nodded. “Alright. But if I see him again…”
“You won’t,” you assured him. “And if you do, I’ll let you know.”
He gave you one last kiss, then reluctantly let you go and headed back toward his friends. You watched him for a moment, smiling to yourself before you turned back to the bar.
Forty minutes later, Rafe stood by the side of his truck, fingers drumming against the hood as he waited for you to finish up. He hated this place most days — hated how these old, rich assholes thought they could treat you like you were some kind of prize they could buy. It had taken everything in him not to knock that guy out earlier, but he knew you didn’t want a scene. Still, he’d been fuming ever since.
You’d be out any minute now, and the two of you would go to his house. He just needed to chill. But then, five minutes passed… then six… and a knot started to form in his stomach. You were never this late getting out, and you’d told him you’d be quick tonight.
Where the were you? He checked his phone again. Nothing.
Rafe pushed off the truck and started pacing, his eyes glancing between the front entrance and the locker room doors around the back. He knew you were still inside, but something wasn’t sitting right with him. His instincts were screaming at him now. After another minute, he couldn’t take it anymore. Fuck this.
He strode back inside and headed straight for the back hall that led to the locker room where you always changed after work. As he turned the corner, his heart stopped. There, right outside the locker room door, was the same asshole from earlier — the drunk creep who’d been hitting on you. His greasy hand was on the door, shoving it open, trying to force his way inside.
Rafe saw red.
Without thinking, he surged forward, grabbing the guy by the collar and slamming him back against the wall so hard the drywall cracked. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
The guy didn’t have time to react before Rafe’s fist connected with his jaw, his head snapping back against the wall. He stumbled, eyes wide with shock as he tried to raise his hands in defense, but Rafe didn’t give him a chance.
“You thought you could get away with that shit?!” He growled as he shoved him again, pinning him hard against the wall. The guy let out a choked gasp, his face going pale as he tried to squirm out of Rafe’s grip.
“I-I wasn’t—” the guy sputtered, his words slurred from the blow.
Rafe didn’t want to hear it. He threw another punch, this one harder than the first, his knuckles splitting against the guy’s cheekbone. All he could see was you — you, behind that door, completely unaware that this piece of shit had been about to force his way in.
“Rafe!” 
He stopped his fist still clenched, inches from the guy’s face. He turned his head just enough to see you standing in the doorway, dressed in your usual jeans and a hoodie, eyes wide, like you couldn’t believe what you were seeing.
“Baby,” you said stepping forward. “It’s okay. He’s not worth it.”
But Rafe couldn’t let it go — couldn’t let the image of this creep forcing his way into the room where you were out of his head. The thought made him sick. It made him want to tear this him apart piece by piece.
“I should fucking kill you,” Rafe spat, his voice trembling  as he pressed the guy harder against the wall.
“Please. I’m okay. He didn’t get in.”
It took every little ounce of self-control Rafe had, but he finally let the guy go, stepping back just enough for the asshole to crumple to the floor, groaning in pain.
“You come near her again, I swear to god…” He didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t need to. The guy knew exactly what he meant.
The creep scrambled to his feet, clutching his bleeding face as he stumbled down the hallway, mumbling something that Rafe didn’t bother to listen to. His eyes were on you now, his breathing heavy as the adrenaline started to wear off.
His hands were still shaking, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
You nodded, though your eyes were still wide, “I’m fine. He didn’t get in, baby. You stopped him.”
Rafe exhaled, running a hand through his hair as he tried to breathe properly. The thought of what could’ve happened if he hadn’t come inside when he did made him want to throw up. “I should’ve been here,” he muttered “I should’ve been right here with you.”
“Rafe, you can’t be with me every second,” you stepped closer to him. “You did the right thing. I’m okay. Really.”
But he wasn’t convinced. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest, needing to know for sure that you were safe. His grip was tight, maybe too tight, but he couldn’t help it. “I swear to god, if he’d touched you…”
“He didn’t,” you murmured, your hands rubbing soothing circles on his back, “He's not going to."
He held you like that for a long moment, his heart still beating too fast, his mind conjuring everything that could’ve gone wrong tonight.
 “No more working late nights here.”
You pulled back slightly, raising an eyebrow. “Rafe—”
“I’m serious,” he interrupted, “This place is full of creeps, and I’m not letting you deal with that shit anymore.”
You sighed, “We’ll talk about it.”
He didn’t argue — not now, at least. But as far as he was concerned, you weren’t coming back here. Not without him.
“What the hell is going on back here?”
You both turned to see Greg, your manager, striding down the hallway. He looked between you and Rafe, his eyes landing on the dented wall and the bloodied handprint smeared across it.
“Seriously, what the hell happened?” He barked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why is there a guy running out of here with blood on his face?"
Rafe stiffened beside you.
He didn’t like Greg — never had. In his mind, he was lazy, incompetent, and more interested in playing golf with the country club regulars than actually managing anything. You opened your mouth to try to explain, but he beat you to it.
“Why don’t you fix your goddamn locks, Greg?” Rafe snapped, stepping forward, “If you weren’t so busy kissing everyone’s ass, maybe you’d realize that your employees aren’t fucking safe here.”
Greg blinked, “What are you talking about?”
Rafe pointed to the locker room door, where the knob was still hanging loosely, as if the creep had almost succeeded in breaking it off.
“Your fucking locker room door doesn’t lock. That asshole was trying to force his way in while she was changing. What the hell are you running here, man?”
Greg glanced at the door, then back at you, his face paling slightly but instead of apologizing, or even showing the slightest bit of concern, he threw his hands up in a defensive gesture. “Look, I didn’t know—”
“Yeah, because you don’t pay attention to shit!” Rafe shot back, his voice rising. “You think you can just let her and the other girls fend for themselves? Is this the kind of place you’re running?”
“Rafe,” you murmured, your hand on his arm again, trying to calm him down. “It’s fine.”
But Rafe was far from calm. His hands were shaking, and his eyes locked onto Greg. “No, it’s not fucking okay. This shit keeps happening, and it’s gonna get someone hurt.”
Greg took a step back, holding up his hands in surrender. “Look, I’ll… I’ll talk to the maintenance guys, alright? We’ll fix the lock.”
“Not good enough,” Rafe snapped, “You better fix it tonight. Because if this happens again, I’m not gonna be so nice next time.”
Greg swallowed hard, clearly shaken. “Y-Yeah. Fine. We’ll take care of it.”
Rafe scoffed, shaking his head in disgust. “You better.” 
He turned his back on Greg without another word, grabbing your hand again as he led you toward the exit. His grip was tight, and once you were outside, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. 
“Rafe,” you said softly, pulling him to a stop as you stood by the side of his truck. “It’s over. I’m okay.”
He exhaled sharply as he looked down at you. “I can’t stand that guy,” he muttered. “He doesn’t give a shit about you or anyone else working here.”
He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in tight, his chin resting on the top of your head. For a moment, he just held you like that, the tension slowly ebbing away. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this shit,” he murmured against your hair.
“I know. Let’s just go home.”
Rafe looked down at you, his brow furrowing slightly, “I’m gonna get you a gun.”
"A gun?"
"Yeah," Rafe said seriously, his grip tightening on your waist. “You need to be able to protect yourself if I'm not around."
"Baby, that's... kind of extreme," you tried to make him understand, "I don’t need a gun." You placed your hand on his chest, your thumb rubbing slow circles "I know you're worried. I know you don’t want me dealing with stuff like this, but a gun isn’t the answer."
He sighed, “I just want you to be safe.”
“I know,” you nodded. “And I will be. I promise.”
He held you close for a few more seconds, his forehead resting against yours. Then, with a reluctant sigh, he nodded. “Okay. No gun. For now.”
You smiled faintly, relieved. “Thank you.”
“But if it appens again, I’ll shoot him myself.”
“Okay, James Bond, get in the car.”
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evilfrogcereal29 · 1 day
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ANOTHER NIKTO X READER I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THESE SPECIFIC SCENARIOS JUST COME TO MIND DJDHSKS
this is made with a fem!reader in mind, I try to write everything kind of GN, so sorry, but gender is kind of important for this specific piece cause reader's mistaken for a man and doesn't correct anyone to hide their identity
Tw: drinking, swearing, google translated russian, probably a bit ooc Nikto, I make him a lil softer than he probably is.
Nikto x Disguised(?)!fem!reader
- "You're pretty small for a guy"
- you were more than used to that sentence by now, and you never once saught to correct or challenge anyone on it. Who cared? There where more important things than whats in your pants, and it was better that everyone thought you you a man anways.
- You were very private about your identity, you had friends and family back home you didn't want getting wrapped up in this shit. You've seen how petty people can be for just a little bit of revenge.
- you wore a full suit of gear that masked your feminine form, including a helmet with a built in voice changer. (You sounded similar to that of a metro-cop from half-life 2, but with way more clarity)
- You didn't even push the man narrative, everyone just naturally started using he & him for you, unaware of your past or who you really were.
- You were, for the most part, one of the guys. Your file even stated you as male. A serious oversight by the higher-ups.
- So then why was Nikto currently pointing a gun amd looking at a woman in *your* armor?
- *Funny timeskip that i added here because I thought it'd be a bit confusing jumping between these two bullet points*
- You often frequented the showers late at night, it was the only time you could wash yourself uninterrupted by others prying eyes.
- You never realized how often you and Nikto barely evaded seeing eachother. You’d finish, disappear from the showers back to your room, and Nikto would come in, with the same idea of a late shower as you within a few minutes to as soon as 30 seconds after you departed.
- Tonight though, maybe by fate, you both got the idea at the same time, unfortunately for Nikto, you walked just a little faster.
- Nikto almost immediately turned around when he heard the water running, there was no point. Yet there was also frustration, and an overwhelming urge to confront whoever it was. Who the hell was showering at this hour?! He’s never had this problem before, who was deciding to give him problems tonight?
- He cracked the door open, head peeping inside, his eyes widen big at you- whoever you were- in his fellow solider's suit.
- Now it should've occured to someone as intelligent as Nikto that this *was* his fellow solider, but he had known you for a while, and had never suspected anything before, he would've known if you weren't anyone you said you are...right? Had you truely bested Nikto?
- He pulled out his gun right as you seemed to notice him, letting out a yelp. You were a confident 'man' on the battlefield, but now, you were red in the face, caught in a web of lies you didn't even mean to string.
- *Timeskip from earlier ends here :3 there will be more timeskips tho because my ADHD ass LOVES giving context*
- "ублюдок, ты кто? Where is our teammate? What did you do to him?" He growled, cocking his gun and aiming it right at the girl's head.
- Your eyes are wide, as big as half-dollars, and threw your hands up into the air.
- "Nikto its me! Its me!" You plead. Only receiving a sneer and angry grunt
- "You think I'm a stupid man, маленькая девочка?!" He yelled, stepping closer, finger twitching on the trigger, his bloodlust rising.
- The running water is the only thing breaking the terrifying tension in the room, you're mind is racing, how do you get this killer off your back. You needed to prove who you were. Think! Think!
- "Please don't shoot- let me prove it, I can prove it's me Nikto. I-..." You feel your cheeks heating up, god this was fucking embarrassing, and Mr. Emotionless here is the last person you wanted to slip up with. Even if you did prove yourself, he might kill you just because he felt a little angry that you didn't tell him personally. You gulp at that thought.
- Nikto grins under his mask, amused, truely, his gun lowers a bit.
- "Go on." He muses, "tell me something only HE would know." He smirks, thinking about how he's going to lay your body in the shower and watch the blood seep down the drain.
- *Time skip backwards again here, cause I love me some backstory :3*
- Your mind races. You and Nikto weren't 'friends' per se, but you had a past, you had met him right around when he had come out of rehabilitation after his sickening torture. He was worse back then, he would snap on teammates. He snapped on you, pinning you to the wall once, eyes dilated and filled with a primal kind of rage, he pressed down on your neck.
- "Мы сломаем твои кости, как стекло, маленький муравей."
- You had picked up some Russian from being around him and other fluent operators, knowing a decent amount, and in that moment you knew just enough to fear for your life.
- Thankfully Minotaur was in the area, and while he enjoyed watching a good scuffle bewteen two soldiers, he knew very well that this one would end with you dead, breaking up you two with very careful wording and while staying a very far away distance from the still ravenous, blood-thirsty Nikto.
- Surprisingly, you didn't completely avoid him after that, not like you could, the allegiance seemed to love put you two on the same team. Something about the variety of both your skillsets.
- It was true, you had to admit. You and Nikto worked very professionally on the field, quick and easy kills, communicating everything with head & hand gestures instead of talking. It was preferable for the both of you. And always ended with success. So maybe thats why you always ended up near eachother. Still, you always tried to give the Psychotic man the benefit of the doubt. Knowing the story of his past, as told to you by Rodion, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of empathy for the broken man.
- It eventually built up to you having a very personal moment with Nikto.
- You were on a long-term mission, you'd been deployed in Yakutsk, Russia. Yes, one of the coldest fucking places in the entire country. Reaching nearly unalivable conditions- In your opinion- but of course Nikto never complained, he liked the cold after all.
- You had shacked up in an abandoned home on the outskirts of the city for the night. You laid on the one of the dirty mattresses left there by the old tenants, whoever they were.
- You shivered and shook like a rabid animal. Unable to sleep from how cold you were. Even in your full body of armor, it wasn't doing enough. You had those crap emergency blankets but even they, and the addition of the thin poo-stained mattress beneath you, didn't help with the very persistent cold that seemed to seep in through every crack of the home possible.
- You can only assume Nikto is fast asleep, at least, until you hear a soft humming, one that turns into soft singing, its gruff, and deep, but as you continue to listen, you find it rather soothing.
- "Здравствуйте, девочки Здравствуйте, мальчики Смотрите на меня в окно...." He sang, tapping his foot to a beat in his head. It seemed there *were* moments where nikto wasn't being mentally tortured by his own mind. Instead, filled with a melody from childhood.
- You rolled over and saw Nikto sitting criss-cross on the other mattress, his mask was slightly lifted up, but it was too dark to make out anything but the outline of his chin, and there was something in his hand, a bottle of Vodka.
- Now that you found weird, Nikto usually wasn't one to live up to the stereotype, in fact, he barely drank at all. Sure, he did drink lots in his youth, and still did a few lines of coke or toked off the occasional blunt when the offer somehow came up, but he was sworn off alcohol for the most part, especially vodka or anything strong, it gave him extremely awful headaches, he was hangovers bitch.
- You finally sat up after a few minutes, alerting him to your presence, his singing ceased and he pulled his mask back down over his mouth quickly, shooting you a dangerous glare.
- you frowned through your helmet that you kept on, blinking tired, dissapointed eyes at him.
- "Don't stop, I didn't know you could sing like that Nikto... Or that you drank-"
- "Господи, заткнись, сука. ты ничего обо мне не знаешь" he said defensively, you couldn't recognize every word but you recognized every swear, flinching at his vile language, but recognizing the slight slur in his words. A sign of inebriation.
- "Nikto...? You're drunk?" You try to ask, but he follows it up with a quick and defiant 'no' and more swearing. You let him, knowing better than you argue with the bullish man. Let him stop seeing red, than you could keep talking.
- "So.. what about tonight made you finally want to drink, I thought you liked the cold?" You ask, tilting your head.
- "I'm not drinking cause I'm sad." He corrected you coldly, setting the bottle down beside him, "The opposite actually."
- Nikto was...happy drinking? You didn't think normal people did that, but than again Nikto wasn't normal so- you supposed it made sense.
- "Whats the occasion?" You ask after a moment of consideration, and now that you thought about it, it was a bit rude, let the man be happy. occasion or not.
- "Everything is... Quiet tonight. I think we're just happy to be somewhere that feels like home." he says, tapping the side of his head.
- You're happy for him. He deserves moments like these. You find yourself scooting closer, settling down beside him when he doesn't shoo you away.
- "Tell me about your home, Nikto." You ask politely, taking him by surpise, catching him in a moment of vulnerability in his nostalgia and drunk-ness. The usual softness in your real voice, even with the voice changer, was present.
- He goes on to describe his early life to you, albiet, in bit and pieces, it's obvious he's holding back, relinquishing some details while stating others blantly. He also just doesn't remember much. Everything from birth to 5 years old is a blur for him. He just remembers his older brother and mom, and a vague outline of a father figure, but he left before Nikto's 6th birthday, Nikto can't remember his face or the sound of his voice anymore.
- He pointed out the song he was singing earlier, he listened to it often when he was a younger man. It reminded him of his mother and brother, of sitting at the dinnertable eating warm meals as a family whenever they scrounged up enough money to have the luxury of doing so. The laughter and love they shared, even if things around them were lackluster.
- He details early life in the military, his becoming of a spy and his... Eventual Downfall and capture.
- "One job, I got messy... I wasn't looking where I was going I..." He trailed off. He stopped telling his story and you reached a hand out, resting a hand on his shoulder.
- "Its okay. I get it. You don't need to tell me anymore if it hurts." You reassure, seeing the way he tenses under your pitiful touches.
- "I deserved it." He tried to continue, but you interupted him
- "None of that now. Just shut up and think about the now." You scold, noticing the wide eyes stare Nikto gives you.
- No one has ever told him to shut up before. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks underneath his mask, thank god he was wearing one.
- "Sorry." He muttered, and now you both sat there a bit stunned and quiet. The moment you were experiencing together left the both of your heart's racing, wondering a million things about the other.
- You because you had never seen such a soft, apologetic side of Nikto before, a man with no regrets, no empathy. He seemed so... Human?
- And Nikto because he couldn't believed he was being so soft and apologetic with someone. He always had his walls up. His mental fortress guarded with maximum security at all times. But you caught him when the Vodka- 3/4th a bottle of it that he found stashed in a drawer somewhere in the shack- had him weak, and you didn't take advantage of him. Didn't judge or even really cast much pity towards him. He didn't like being pitied. Fucking hated it actually. But here you were, rubbing his shoulder, which wasn't exactly an *unwelcomed* gesture, and sitting in silence with him. The voices were at bay tonight. Right now. It was just him, or whatever was left of Andre.
- "I used to walk 4 miles to school every morning in the freezing cold, and almost got hit by a pickup truck and stolen by a pack of wolves doing it." He suddenly blurted out, the previously warm vibes of the room returning as Nikto casted the past out of his mind. You were right. He was being too emotional, he should focus on the now.
- And right now, the booze brought him back to fonder memories, ones of childhood mischief and near death experiences.
- You looked at him with wide eyes and couldn't help the burst of laughter that followed, something that Nikto didn't find insulting, in fact, he was smiling too, underneath that mask.
- "You think that's funny, just wait til I tell you where I got my first tattoo..." He chuckled with his thick, russian accent.
- You and Nikto shared stories all night. And never once did Nikto question it, like when you told him you took ballet, or when you ripped your prom dress, or even when you told him about your first boyfriend. He shrugged it off. He wasnt exactly as straight as a board either. And the military exposed him to people from all walks of life.
- Of course, Nikto still thought you were a *man* at this point. A very effeminate acting man, but a man none the less.
- *Time skip ends here SORRY IF U HATED THAT SJSHSK*
- But now Nikto's world was flipped on it's head, as you combed through your mind, you find yourself going back to that silly song he sang. Trying to recall the words.
- "Здравствуйте.... дев-вочки.." you started, cringing at your poor pronouncations of the words and shrilly little singing voice.
- Nikto's eyes widen in recognition, all former sneers and snickers long gone. He wasn't joking anymore, and it seemed you weren't either.
- "Здравствуйте, мальчики..." You continued, your cheeks growing impossibly red, "С-Cмотрите на меня в окно.."
- "That's enough. Stop. Stop it." Nikto demanded, aiming his gun right at you again, "how do you know that? That night?"
- "Cause it's me Nikto! I'm a girl!" You exclaimed, getting annoyed yourself. You practically just performed for the bastard, and now he was still trying to shoot you, just like you figured.
- There was a moment of silence. And Nikto stood there, as if needing to process everything that just happened.
- "Put on the helmet." He demands. And you don't defy him, placing your helmet on, the change in your voice is like night and day,
- "I didn't think it mattered this much, I'm sorry." You said genuinely. Your voice deepened to it usual state, confirming your indentity.
- There a few more moments of silence before Nikto coughs, grabbing your attention. He straightens himself. Lowering his gun and putting the safety back on. There's a sense of embarrassment in his movements, he's tense, and avoiding your eye contact.
- "It...it doesn't matter. We'll just shower tomorrow morning." He says and hurries off. Another vulnerable moment with you, what was wrong with him?! He hated himself right now. For having never realized, and for having threatened you.
- Nikto did hold you in high regards, not that he would ever tell you or another soul. He respected your dedication to the work, and after that night in the cabin, a mutual but unspoken trust was formed bewteen the two of you. You never had a moment like it afterwards. Well. Until now.
- You don't dare go after Nikto in that moment, but you want to. It's late, and if you woke everyone else up and made them aware of the situation, only god knows what would happen. So you shower and head off to bed, replaying senarios in your mind, planning what you'd say to Nikto first thing in the morning.
- Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you see it, he beat you to it.
- You were still sleeping when a heavy-handed Knock came to your door, sending you scurrying out of bed for your gear. You reach for your helmet until you hear the voice on the other side.
- "Hey... Its Nikto...let us in, please." He says, his voice gruff and demanding as usual but theres something else there....Pleading? Hoping?
- You freeze, fiddling with your helmet before deciding its not worth it. You quickly move to open the door, making sure noone else is around before ushering Nikto in.
- He takes a moment to look you up and down. You're not wearing any gear now. Just some plaid pajama pants and a white tanktop.
- He sighs, shaking any stray thoughts from his head. "We should talk. About last night." He finally states, and you agree with a simple nod, motioning for him to sit next to you on your bed.
- It feels like last time, except the cards have been flipped, this time, it was your secrets that were being spilled, and Nikto had the questions.
- "Why?" He asked flatly, "why hide your gender?"
- "Why hide your face?" You fire back, rolling your eyes at him like it was obvious, "for privacy, same reason as you, as Krueger. We don't want anyone knowing what we look like, our identities" you said, using another member of the allegiance, Sebastian Krueger, as an example.
- Nikto's eyes dart down in thought, and he nods, "I see."
- Theres more silence, it seems that was a recurring theme between you two, long bouts of silence. Never once did either of you try to force conversation. It came naturally.
- Nikto really appreciated that about you in this moment. It allowed him to get his thoughts straight, arguing with the voices for a bit before he opens his mouth again.
- "No one has to know." He says, like its that simple, and stands up. He starts for the door and you move to follow, a hand on his bicep.
- "Nikto wait- that's it?" You ask, confused, but what did you really expect? Nikto wasn't the type to gossip. If information needed to be gathered and brought back his superiors, he would. But that wasn't what he was asked to do.
- "да, that's it." He said standing the in the doorway with finality.
- He shut the door behind him with a click and you stood there dumbfounded. Did any of that really just happen, or was all of this one big dream you were about to wake from?
- You pinched yourself with a winced and cursed under your breathe. This was reality. Could you really trust Nikto with this secret? Without blackmail? Without shame?
- Apparently, yes. As you would come to find out. In fact, you soon realize that this whole incident only made you and Nikto somehow closer.
- In battles, during tight situations, he was always there. Freeing you from the enemies grasp, carrying you with a bullet wound in your back. He was your personal guard.
- He wasn't being more protective just cause he knew you're a girl, he knew you were deadly. He's seen what you're capable off. No. You come to learn Nikto does this as a display of affection. Subtlety showing his appreciation for keeping his secrets, and in return, he keeps your's, and keeps you alive as well.
- After one particularly long mission, you're walking alongside each other, covered in dirt and grime, heading to the showers as the sun set and everyone heads for bed.
- You two showered together now, of course, broken up by thin curtains. It was a bit intimate, but it was an easier agreement than an already insomnia ridden-Nikto getting up at ungodly hours of the morning to shower.
- As you're walking together you nudge him gently, "good work today. You still fight well for a guy your age." You tease. Nikto knew full well you were hiding a shit eating grin under than helmet of yours, grimacing at you.
- "Yeah, good work to you too... For a girl." He says back venomously, earning him a playful punch.
- "Bastard! Don't be so loud about that!" You scold while whisper-yelling, but Nikto can still hear the smile in your voice. And knows its in jest.
- "It would be a shame if the others knew what a pretty little woman you really were."
- "It would be a shame if the others knew about the smiley face tattoed on your buttcheek."
- Both of your faces are red and concealing mischievous grins. This was you and Nikto's relationship now. Learnings eachothers secrets, and using them to pick on eachother. Playful banter.
- Everyone around base notices what you two are doing...just FUCK already you two... Damn. The tension is killing everyone.
- You and Nikto will probably end up together after a while more of this, its inevitable. You're just unjudgemental enough to deal with his freak, while also being one of the only solider's on base willing to put up with his terrifying, intimidating aura for long periods of time!
- Nikto always kind of liked you, as a man, and even now as a woman. And sharing your secrets only solidified that attraction in his mind. You were his милый, and he would keep you and your secrets safe for as long as he lived.
AHHHH HOLY FUCKING SHIT SORRY IF THE END FEELS RUSHED I TRIED TO CONCLUDE THIS LONG ASS STORY, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH YAP I HAD IN ME😳
The song Nikto was humming is Кино - Алюминиевые огурцы, and was inspired by a comment on my post about Russian and Austrian musc left by @weepingmagazinesandwich and once I heard that song I knew I had to use it in a writing piece its just so sweet. The two playlists were made btw I just never publicly posted them (also cause Nikto's list is chronically short, and Krueger's playlist is already almost hours long) so- idk if y'all want those posted but lmk👍 I hope you enjoyed this- whatever you'd call it. Idk what to call the reader in this. Disguised!reader sounds so silly.
I have a sfw agere krueger drabble comin out soon, and I just started writing big chunks of the hubby!gromsko x reader hcs.
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asvtrials · 3 hours
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Hate that I want you, part ii
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hate that I want you      masterlist
previous part      next part initial idea (part one): @floydsfae Tags: @ilovejeansosomuch @spikedfearn @soberbabes @victorysony @ellie1725 @lucycarlisleswife (I couldn't tag some of you sorry pookies) summary: Parting ways with a friend group was always hard, somehow trying to rejoin that group was even harder. Especially when a particular quick-tempered someone is rather bitter about your choices. warnings/tags: lots of swearing. friends to enemies to lovers. Bjorn is a bitter and jealous shit. angst a/n: I'm not very familiar with the Alien franchise so forgive me if there are any inaccuracies. English is not my first language so please be nice. Thank you for the wait, my internship just started so I didn't have much time. I tried to include Bjorn's accent a bit more. word count: 2415
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You could've just gone home and drowned in your bed but instead, you let Tyler and Kay convince you to join them for drinks. Bjorn’s snarky comment was still replaying in your mind when you took a frozen beer bootle “Eh, yeh sure. Thanks, Tyler How coulda forget?” 
The metal steps were cold against your thighs, but you didn't feel like moving. You took a sip from your beer bottle—the bitter liquid burning your throat a bit—while you listened to the rest of the crew joke around.
You had to admit you missed this. Apart from Bjorn's occasional sharp looks everything brought you sweet memories from the countless times you stayed up till late to drink and chat.
You expected it to be uncomfortable, especially with Navarro, since she wasn't the most forgiving person. But it seems like your years of friendship did soften her.
She arrived after you, so you thought she'd ignore you completely and just move on with her night but she was quick to approach you with a smirk, giving you a light jab to the shoulder as she sat next to you.
"The fuck are you doing here?" Her voice held a playful tone.
You snorted. "Careful, you sound almost happy to see me."
Navarro tilted her head and raised a brow before uttering "Don't get your hopes up." with a laugh causing you to do the same. "So to who died and made you come here?" She asked before taking a sip of her beer.
You stalled by taking a sip of your own beer again. You didn't want to make things awkward by making the conversation so serious so fast, especially with Navarro who really disliked all that sappy shit.
"I get you." She said with a shrug before you could come up with a response.
You blinked. "What?"
"I get it. If I bagged anyone who had such a ‘promising’ future…” She dragged the word 'promising', copying the way you used to say it when you talked about him. “let's just say you wouldn’t be seeing me for a while" She joked but her words stung a bit.
"It's not like that..." You disagreed and the girl raised an unconvinced brow. "Really it's not. It's just—I tried to get that transfer to the kitchens, to get out of the mines, and all the time I had left I spent with Noa." You explained as you watched your friend take another sip from her beer nonchalantly. "I did miss you guys, really. Ask Kay, I always asked abo—"
"Jeez dude chill, I get it.” She cut you off, moving her eyes from her bottle to you, a small yet genuine smile flickered across her face “I'm glad you're back."
You stared at her, a wrinkle forming between your brows as you frowned, completely dumbfounded by her lack of care.
"Thanks..." You wanted to leave it at that but you knew Navarro, and this wasn't her. The Navarro you knew would give you the cold shoulder for weeks, you were so sure because you would've done the same. So you couldn't help but ask "Why aren't you like, you know, pissed at me?"
"Do you want me to be?" She asked while taking a cigarette she rolled earlier out of her pocket.
" 'Course not, I just expected you to be a little less...chill?" You ended up saying. Suddenly you turned to the girl with wide eyes. "Are you high? "
Navarro couldn't contain her laughter, some smoke puffing out if her nose.
"I'm not high, you moron. Just shit happened, you know. That kind of changed how I view things or whatever. You didn't abandon me and Bjorn when we needed you the most...I didn't forget that." She explained, taking another puff from her cigarette.
You knew what she meant. It wasn't that long ago since Bjorn's mother passed but you still remember hearing about it as if it happened yesterday.
You were finally at the checkout station, waiting for your turn when your eyes caught the small, old television in the corner of the wall. Tears welled up in your eyes as you watched the screen in the spacious checkout room show the face of the woman alongside the other two victims.
You found yourself at the doorstep of their trailer. Navarro's state was enough to destroy you. You were not used to seeing such a pained expression decorating the face of your usually laidback friend.
The younger girl was the only one you saw that day. Bjorn was nowhere to be found.
That was one of the few times you saw her in the past months and you really wished it didn’t need to go this far for you to drop everything and visit.
"Is Bjorn doing okay?" You asked her, not sure what you were expecting to hear.
The boy was awfully close with his mother. It was natural, she was the only parent he had. His dad was a deadbeat, abandoning them as soon as he found out he was going to be a father.
"He's better." Navarro confirmed.
"What happened was so fucked..." You comment, shaking your head in frustration.
"Yeah...i still don't know where was he that day" She confessed.
"You don't?"
"Nah, he wouldn't answer anyways."
Yeah, You could already see Bjorn dodging the question. You could also imagine him getting plastered at whatever bar he found.
Your eyes fell on the boy. He was laughing about something Tyler said until he met your eyes. His wide smile slowly turned into a small smirk, holding your gaze a bit longer before turning back to his cousin.
You chose to ignore the irritation that followed after he tore his gaze from you and focused on Navarro. You continued talking, about her life, about your life, then you moved on to stupid shit until it the usually shady sky was especially dark.
"Fuck it's gotten late." You mumbled, the beer bottles you chuged weren’t doing much to help you focus.
"Oh shit, yeah." Tyler cursed under his breath after checking his wrist watch.
Kay and Tyler didn't live too far from their cousin so they didn't really care. You on the other hand needed at least ten minutes to get to your apartment.
You stood up with a sigh and grabbed your jacket. "This was fun but I have an early shift tomorrow." You announced.
"You're gonna walk alone?" Kay asked concerned.
"You can crash at our place" Navarro offered.
"Yeah, you can." Bjorn spoke to you for the first time since you arrived here. You didn't need to hear his next words to know that he was going to say something stupid, his smug expression a clear sign. "We can share the couch, get all cuddly and stuff." He suggested, sending you an innocent look. 
You grimaced in disgust and wordlessly turned to leave, yet you could feel the blood rising to your cheeks. For a moment you thought he’d add a stupid ‘Like the good old times' or something.
"We can take you home." Tyler offered, standing up from his seat and Kay quickly followed.
"Yeah, it will be good to walk a bit." She assured with a warm smile, although her excuse was laughable. You bet both she and Tyler got enough exercise in the mines, and to your disappointment, the kitchen was no better.
Then the person you least expected to speak up silenced all of you. "Nah, I'll take 'er."
Everyone eyed the boy in either confusion or annoyance.
"No" Kay let out a breathy laugh, as if the boy's words were merely a joke. "We'll take her home."
Bjorn threw his hands with a huff and slumped in his chair. "Yall call me a wanker all the fuckin' time yet don't want me to be nice? Maybe I just wanna mend things between us, don’tya agree Y/n?"
"Oh spare me." You scoffed, sending him a disbelieving look. "You just wanna talk more shit about me and Noa and everything I did wrong. You just don’t want Tyler or Navarro to shut you up."
"Yeh, Like you'd hate that, darlin’. So quick to bite back." He said, a hint of a smile making an appearance. “Yer a bit of a shit talker yourself, don't ya think?”
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the way the corner of you mouth twitched upwards at the mention of the familiar nickname.
“Gosh, you're so annoying.” You grumbled but you had to admit it was nice talking to him normally again—or at least the idea of normal you and Bjorn adopted. You were sure this truce would be short-lived.
The boy ignored you and pushed himself up from the chair, capturing the blunt he was rolling between his lips.
“Let's get goin’, wouldn't want ya to miss your beauty sleep,” He mumbled with the cigarette in his mouth as he walked past you earning a glare from you.
He continued walking as if he wasn't even considering that you might not follow, knowing you too well. God, he was annoying.
“You kinda deserve this for dumping us” Navarro joked. You flipped her off but laughed a bit.
You followed him with a sigh, waving goodbye to your friends in the process.
“Please don’t kill each other.” Kay laughed, returning the wave.
Your walk was quiet, the only sounds accompanying the two of you were the crickets in the distance and the occasional puffs that Bjorn let out, the smoke enveloping the both of you. Sometimes you would hear the loud music and inaudible talking at a nearby bar but that was it.
It was frustrating. He was the one that insisted on taking you home and now he was the one refusing to speak. Bjorn was always hard to understand but he was especially hard since you came back.
You understood it was because he was angry that you left, abandoned them, abandoned him but then why demand on being around you so much?
But still his words from before—they made you think that there was something more than anger behind his behavior. The memory of the unexpected tenderness in his voice engraved in your mind.
Even if it wasn’t for the all years you knew him, that one moment would’ve been enough to want you to actually mend things between the two of you, even if Bjorn ridiculed the idea before.
“Thanks for doing this.” You attempted to sound as normal as you could.
“Sure.” He replied, not bothering to look at you.
You sighed trying to ignore the uncomfortable silence that clutched at the two of you like a veil.
“What?” The boy asked irritated.
“Nothing. It’s just weird, I guess.” You replied truthfully, too tired of playing all those mind games.
“Very observant, aren’t you darlin’” He chuckled and tossed the finished cigarette on the pavement.
“See, that’s weird.” You gestured toward him with a scoff. “You keep acting like an asshole, then call me darling and insist on taking me home.”
Bjorn ignored your words and just continued to walk to your house, his hand raising to rub the nape of his neck was the only indication of his own discomfort. 
You could already see your house from here but you weren’t done. You halted your movements in frustration, sending him an aggravated look. “Why are you acting like a little bitch?” You winced at your words as soon as they left your lips, you wished you had picked something more tactful to say.
Bjorn turned to face you, eyebrow raised and a sarcastic smile spreading on his lips. “Callin’ me a little bitch? Really? If anything I’m the only one that’s not actin’ like a little bitch.” The boy spat back, approaching you. “You left, for bloody two months, and expect everyone to run around and kiss your feet for blessing us with your presence?” He spoke, his words lacking the gentleness from the last time you had this conversation.
“What, is little Y/n sad that I’m angry at her?” You had to lift your head to hold his mocking gaze the closer he got to you. You swallowed thickly when he crouched a bit to get closer to your face. You should’ve felt uncomfortable, scared even but the way your stomach flipped was anything but uncomfortable.
“That’s not what I said.” You were disappointed at how weak your voice sounded and you weren’t sure if your narrowed eyes gave the harsh effect you wished for.
“Mhm? Go on then.” 
“If you’re so angry why are you taking me home, huh? I thought you wanted to talk shit but you were quiet the entire walk. What is it, just want to be blessed by my presence a bit longer?”  You asked and it was your turn to watch his jaw tense. 
Bjorn held your gaze for a long moment before ripping his icy eyes away from yours for a split moment, to regain his composure. However, it seems to be fruitless because when he turned back to you, his eyes held the same dark look to them. He took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. Your brows furrow at his movements yet your body refuses to move an inch.
Without a word, he leaned closer and you swore you saw a quiet plea in his eyes. To be okay with this—No. To want this as much as he does.
Embarrassment is long forgotten when you open your lips ever so slightly, running your tongue over your bottom lip in anticipation as his hand slowly reached your flushed cheek, his fingers grazing the warm flesh.
“Jus’ wanted to show ya—” His hoarse voice ripped the silence “That I can make you feel like that, just by looking at you…” He whispered making you shudder. “I bet you haven't felt like this in a long time, eh?”
Dammit…You shouldn't feel like this. It was Bjorn for fucks sake. Stupid, loud, annoying Bjorn. Why was he making you feel like this? He never did before. 
Teasing, joking around, that was good, it was safe. You never wanted more. But now you felt like your body was about to burst into flames.
You only managed to say a quiet “You're a fucking dick…” 
A small smirk spread across Bjorn's face when he saw the tension in your eyes, matching his own yearning. He hoovered over you, lips barely touching when you heard an aggravating noise.
(i love reading your comments babes don't be shy)
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peanutseagle · 2 months
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NUZI WIP ANIMATION
this audio is so them i got possessed by a demon and started this at 8 am and i cannot stop
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ratatatastic · 2 months
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"Battle of Alberta, right? It was my first game: Calgary, Edmonton. We would play them in the preseason, and you know—trying to make the team I'd always be asking him to fight in preseason, always. I'd be runnin' my mouth—like, tryna fight the biggest, baddest guys, tryna make an impression.
And he would never fight me. He'd always tell me, like If you make the team, I'll fight ya. You don't have to worry about that, but I'm not fightin' ya preseason. And I totally respect it, I'm not gonna chase him down. It is what it is. He's established—I'm looking for my chance.
So I get called up, we're playing Edmonton in Edmonton: Battle of Alberta. [He's] over there on the other side, and it's like the coolest thing ever... you know, the buildup was crazy 'cuz I knew if the opportunity presented itself—if the game went the way I hoped it would, I would get an opportunity to fight him.
I remembered in warmups tryna skate by the redline initially just kind-of gettin' a feel for it—to see if I have to say something or whatever... He's got no bucket on, his big, bald head is glarin' around, he skates by the redline with the biggest smile on his face, and just gives me the biggest wink...
At that moment I knew Okay, he remembers. It's gonna happen at some point.
We were up 1, I think it was 2-1 going into intermission or whatever—Oh, no, I think it was 1-1 and we had just scored so the position I'm like Yeah, I don't know if I can fight him now because we have the momentum and we're winning the game. I don't want to lose a fight, then we lose a game and now I'm, like, never getting a chance again.
You kind-of gotta play the game within the game like [...] there's an opportunity to fight, and there's an opportunities where you shouldn't fight. Things weren't looking good, then they score and now we need a spark. I'm like Fucking perfect.
I just skate by their bench and I'm like It's time, big boy! He jumps out, we line up, and he goes We squarin' up or we goin' right away?
I'm like I'm not fuckin' squarin' up with you right now! We're goin' right away!
Drop em, we go right away, grab each other. I know he's a lefty so he's gonna let go—let's go of my right arm before he throws one. I threw one. Big boy went down, he jumped back up pretty quick. I don't know, I tell people all the time, I'm like I would've been in the league fuckin' 2 years earlier if there was good footage of this fuckin' fight!
For some reason—For some reason, the cameras cut out. I don't know if [he] had his cousins working the cameras or something that night, or if they're in the video room or what happened.
That was my first NHL game.
It's funny 'cuz Chucky was there—Chucky's there and he knows, he saw, he always laugh when I say that I would've been in the league earlier 'cuz he knows how things like that go. You get a little bit of energy and buzz around ya, and then kind-of momentum takes you a little bit further but unfortunate[ly], I missed that opportunity but I don't regret a thing.
[...]
The opportunity was there, I just—unfortunately, for whatever reason, the Hockey Gods said not yet." (Ryan Lomberg reminiscing over his first NHL game/fight) (x)(x) (please go watch the second link to see lombos giant smile as he tells this story jfc)
and other genuinely bonkers things to say about a hockey player in your first fight... like why did this need to be said like that...what
#ryan lomberg#lombo what the fuck#for the sake of clarity lombo does refer em by name but i think its funnier to obscure it in this case for people who dont know who it is#im sure edm and the bald description gave it away of who it is#but youll never fucking guess who this bitch is waxing poetic about#the wha the huh#HIM??????#WE'RE ROMANTICISNG THAT FUCKIN GUY??? REALLY????#i hate it here#this just in the guy you adore just said the horniest shit about the worst person you know#completely forgot they both were on the flames at the same time its been erased from my memory#(guy who does not pay attention to anything that is not pantr related)#but also matthew giggling about lombos little I WOULDVE BEEN HERE EARLIER IF THE CAMERAS WORKED RIGHT#how dare we lose him to calgary again HOW DARE#hello special little matthew cameo#the homoeroticism of it all#the inherent homoeroticism of hockey fights#why did he describe it like that#do you know what “scrappy ahler tries to make it big by fighting everyone in sight to impress staff and even challenges the enforcer vet#knowing itll make him look good if he does and said enforcer vet does not give him the time of day and goes i promise ill fight you when yo#get called up during the regular season not now and to which said scrappy ahler gets called up during the regular season and doesnt expect#much but gets completely surprised when the vet 1. remembers who he is 2. the promise he made and 3. even gives him a cheeky wink about it.#and the game is chippy from the start the ahler isnt sure theyll be able to fight hin but low and behold the hockey gods bless him#and he does he even gets to decide the rules AND wins it in one punch. the downside? none of it was filmed.#but the memory of that vets wink rings clear“ does to me man?#also. a classic case of hockey gods giveth. hockey gods taketh away.#sweetheart you can be gay AND also want your cool fight filmed honey youre asking for too much#yeah lombo does like calling men bigboy yeah that's a thing
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It took me, ugh, MONTHS (2), to get to cleaning the two shrimp tanks I have... I had IRL issues going on that would have made it extremely difficult to do a water change especially while injured, and I just had to keep putting it off. It's just shrimp, so it wasn't like, the worst situation, especially since I have established plants and the tanks are a couple years old. There was just a lot of algae build-up on the glass, and, well... Let me just say it was not contributing to my mental health and well-being while the tanks were in that state.
I tested the water before I started cleaning and the parameters were fine (like, I could have left the tanks even longer if I would be okay with selling my soul to the Algae Collective), and the plants and shrimp look fine, too (I mean, I've obviously been keeping an eye on the tanks bc I sit right next to them). Actually, I'd wager to say that the plants are looking really great (the lilies haven't died off [yet? This is the longest period of time I've seen them stay... foliage... fol... foliated? Idk.] and the cryptocoryne in the 10gal is fucking huge and needs to be rearranged, just not right now). That fucking algae was a motherfucker to get off the 10gal (it's a plastic tank and I think that makes the algae grip harder than the glass 5gal).
[Also, fyi, depending on the tank's needs and stability, recommended water changes are a small one every week or every other week. My parameters don't seem to do anything dramatic, so I usually aim for a 20-30% water change every third week (just depends on how much vacuuming needs to be done and how cooperative the shrimp are with moving aside). So 2 months is still a lot. I still did the normal 30% ish amount, since doing more will risk the shrimp's well-being if there's a sudden change in everything, and my water parameters indicated a change was unnecessary - but I don't test for more than the minimum freshwater tests, so there could be a buildup of some mineral I'm not testing for, which is why the change IS actually necessary regardless of what my test kit says - because these tanks were evaporating a lot in summer, it condenses the minerals added with each water addition, even tho I usually top up with R.O. water.]
My back is fucking killing me lol. It has been killing me since spring when it 'went out' for the first time, and I'm not getting any relief, it sucks. But this had to be done.
The 5gal is looking pretty cloudy still, since the filter was super gunked up and I accidentally spilled gunk back in, so I may need to retest the 5gal parameters tomorrow just to make sure I don't have to do another water change, but it'll probably be fine, right? Shrimp love mulm and detritus. I did give both tanks a big ole algae tab for their trouble, tho. (I need a fuckening dish for the big tank. I really wanna clean off that white quartz rock again, but being white means it's an algae magnet, and it's just gonna go green again after a month or two.)
Anyway, shrimp tax:
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I lov thees widdle oange bebies.
Wish I could take better pictures rn, but I am. Like. Dying. My recommendation: never live in an A-frame style room if you have the option. The wall above my tanks is slanted, and NOT fun for my back to bend underneath the wall for maintenance. (My only flat wall in the room is for my TV/PC.) Also, treat your back nicely, in general. I unfortunately have not had the option to treat my back nicely since spring (fall now), because 'when it rains it pours,' and heavy shit that needs to be moved will not move itself. Once I get a few more things in my room in order, I will hopefully be done with the IRL chaos, bc I have Halloween socks to knit, and I'm not putting that off for another year. (I'm still mad that I couldn't make the ones I planned last year. And I found more Halloween yarn I forgot I bought, so I'm gonna try to make multiple socks.) And I just really need to fucking chill and knit and stop having panic attacks and meltdowns.
#me earlier today: oh i should bleach my hair since i havent been able to shower for 2 days it wont damage it as much#me now: i dont know if i can even stand long enough to shower after this#anyway im gonna try to eat something and then shower and pass tf out.#maybe i shouldve taken a before picture to show how much i did...#...but i do Not want to remember 'that one time i didnt do a water change for 2 months' the algae was gross lol i couldnt even get it all#but honestly idc ab the back wall having algae as long as the front and most of the sides are clear#seriously the algae was textured like sandpaper tho. does algae do pearling? if it does then its calcium buildup too#edit while typing bc i looked it up. yes algae pearls. so the bubbles it was making were drying enough to cause calcium deposits#oH also lmao i found the tiniest pinch of hornwort left in the 10gal. idk why the hornwort doesnt like that tank but its hilarious that...#...that one little fingernail sized piece is still alive floating in there. i stuck it next to the lily but the shrimp will prob dislodge it#the hornwort in the 5gal is just freefloating i cant get that shit to stick#the shrimp love that stuff and they look like little birds in a pine tree#im in so much pain im procrastinating food lmao 'order pizza' crossed my mind but my jaw wont let me eat pizza so fml#anyway. just wanted to show an accomplishment even if its not a praise worthy one since i didnt go the extra 10 miles to water change sooner#awwww tho i love seeing them glide around the tank and now i can see them clearly its so chill#shrimp#aquariums#crustaceans#bugs#Cori.exe#Post.exe#Image.exe#also my therapist started cracking up this morning when i said like 'i can finally rest now tht i dont have a Saw trap bathroom to navigate'#seriously tho it was bad and then another issue in the bathroom came up 2 days ago but theyre both fixed now. my br is normal now.#im not normal tho (normal for myself i mean) and unfortunately thats not gonna be an easy fix but im trying#man can i ever make a post where i dont type a million words lmao. inability to focus and then i start typing more stuff#oh ab the hair bleach man my roots are so dark i just trimmed off the last of the bleach from last time so i got 2tone hair rn#idk when ill get to that. dependsnon my back. i already wasnt in a great state of being when i did the aquariums but i needed to clean them#ok i rly need to try n make food and shower before i start growing algae on myself
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dashiellqvverty · 4 months
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my opinion on season 11 is that ian and mickey were all over the place from episode to episode and i ultimately wasn’t very happy with where it ended for them
#just felt kind of incomplete and boring in terms of their getting an apartment arc#like mickey was still genuinely very unhappy about it and they just left it like that?#and obviously i didn’t love how they did the terry stuff.#i think. there’s something to it because you can never truly predict how you’re gonna feel about something like that#even if it’s a piece of shit who you truly hate like. feelings happen.#and that could have been interesting to explore but it wasn’t done in a way that felt interesting#it just felt like a waste of time when we could’ve been doing other stuff with their screentime#and the beginning was so good i was having sooo much fun when ian was like yeah let’s steal an ambulance and yes we can have guns again.#let’s fuck in the ambulance. etc.#that was so hot and then they ruined it both in that scene that i wanted to SEE and with where they took the story after#like how quickly ian jumps back to ‘well we won’t do crimes then :)’ i thought he was having FUN doing crimes#like are they still doing their security shit? are they still working with stolen equipment?? i want them to do crimes :(#(when i lay it all out like that i’m like perhaps ‘ian being exited about doing crimes’ is not a Good Sign for him. but#it really wasn’t presented that way in context. like i don’t think that’s what they were going for there#and he can be doing better and still have fun doing stupid shit#a la their little outing before he got arrested by the military#yes that was like. 5 years earlier but i’m still like what happened to THAT ian he got boring#and i’m not saying like. him being healthy is boring. i’m saying let him be healthy and also have fun.#anyway.)#also like. signing a lease on the spot against mickeys wishes. kind of fucking impulsive and reckless. but no it’s bc he wants#to have a better life or whatever so it’s fine.#idk i just want to see them steal shit and fuck in an ambulance#and i mean like OVERALL ian has not been as much of a Crime Guy as others. certainly not compared to mickey#like he’s DONE crimes obviously but not in a. it’s his lifestyle way. i guess?#so idk why i’m like i want him to go BACK to that if that wasn’t exactly what he was doing in the first place#but he LIKES doing shady shit with mickey and having fun and idk why they bothered showing us that#if they were gonna drop it by the end of the season that i can only assume they knew would be the final season#it just felt like they didn’t know what to do with the two of them all season and they ended the season in a less satisfying place#than they started#r.txt
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dutybcrne · 5 months
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From a very young age, Kaeya held such a fondness for handholding. Whether it was his father clinging tightly to him to make sure he didn’t get lost, Adelinde’s gentle, grounding hand closed over his to comfort him whenever his nerves got the better of him, Crepus’s rough-palmed, firm yet comforting grip as he brought him back home, or, as it was most often of all, Diluc’s warm, yet at times uncomfortably tight hold as he dragged him anywhere, everywhere, determined to always keep Kaeya close and eagerly show him all there was to see, Kaeya treasured the gesture greatly.
Of course, being as shy as he was, initiating it himself was always the harder part. So much so, he would tend to hold pinkies, rather than outright take a person’s hand in his own. Eventually, it would become his most common way to go about the gesture of affection.
#hc; kaeya#//Handholding is one of his favorite ways of affection bc 1) it’s not too overwhelming when it comes to his touch aversion#//The sensation is all focused in one spot; and even then; it’s more grounding than uncomfortable bc of how firm people’s grasp tends to be#//He really took to holding pinkies bc he realized he could ‘test’ people that way#//If it was a bother to them; they wouldn’t blink twice before moving their hand from his hold. so rejection isn’t as BIG; more subtle#//And if they Liked it; they could either accept it as is or make him happier and take firmer hold of his hand#//Once he was more confident; he would go straight to more outright handholding. Klee ofc got that RIGHT from the getgo. Bc she is smol &#liked him from the start. Even if her Pyro energy did make him uncomfortable at first; but he got used to it. for her#//Luc made it easy to go right to it to—the kid would always seem to know when he wanted to hold hands for whatever reason and grabbed hold#before Kae could link pinkies. kae did like the fact that Luc would Pout the few times Kae did link pinkies instead of hold hands#//Pout; & snatch his hand firmly in his like ‘Why did you do that? THIS way’s better’. Love the image of bby!Kae grabbing bby!Luc’s sleeves#but lbr; they deffo held hands a lot as kiddos. Bc we all know just how (canonically) indulging Luc is with whatever Kae wants. Once Luc#//figured him out; it was a Very common sight; seeing Luc tromping around like the proud lil protector he was; & Kae scurrying after him#//Lil subtle delighted gleams in his eye compared to Luc’s more overt confidence and joy. So common a sight; it was no surprise that#Kae was Deffo distressed when Luc inevitably grew out of it. Adjusted; yeah; but the sudden Change was deffo NOT good for his nerves#//Clung to Addie a lot to make up for it; until he heard the maids tittering abt how childish he was being#//He quit that FAST; finding other ways to stave off his nerves and show his affection#//Sometimes when he’s drunk at Angel’s Share; he gets tempted to hold Luc’s hand—an old habit dredged back up bc he wants comfort#//But any sudden moves Luc makes; whether bc he noticed Kae reaching out or not; utterly scare the urge away every time#//He’s made his peace with Luc resenting him; but it still stings that the ONE person he felt closest to is now practically a Chasm away#//Not like he helps any with that; running away or lashing out every time Luc tries to bridge gaps or shows concern#//Sends him into fight or flight mode every time—who’s to say Kae won’t fuck it up and make a Luc regret trying?#//Might as well sabotage it all himself—at least THEN he knows with utmost certainty it will end failure. Whoops veered off topic#//The closer he is to someone; the more likely he ends up toying with their hands a bit—esp if Interested in them#//Likes playing with their fingers; linking; unlinking and slotting them together; tracing lines on their palms#//Cute shit like that. He likes seeing how they fit together; the differences in size and how they feel#//This was all bc I saw a detail from a show pointed out on the Twitter ndnfn. And thought the pinkie thing was SO cute. Anywho#//Hi. Shit happened irl & I am still not 100%. Not saying what bc it’s not a pleasant topic; but know I am ok#//Just a lil tired. But kinda wanna hcs for rn. I had a lil burst of energy earlier today. that was nice. Over a long dead show; no less#//But it helped lift my mood a bit. I still kinda wish I could drink rn tho. Think it’d help my brain rn
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pigeonriot · 8 months
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the fact that i allowed myself,,,, to not go to half of my history of philosophy lectures,,,,, and then for the exam,,, waited until the day before to look at the script,,,, literally what is wrong with me
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mushroom-for-art · 2 years
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Lmao I was inspired, I'm meant to be writing the horrors and yet the movie au dorks are at the helm, featuring the wonderful @oogaboogaspookyman s monochromatic actor
April fools
May casually walked down a hallway within the studio before sliding into broom closet to her left with efficient quiet her back bumping into the monochrome two already hiding in said broom closet who made a slightly startled squeak at their close proximity though May didn't care much keeping her back to him but tilting her head up slightly to look at him.
"You got the goods?" She asked though in a hushed tone.
"Why do you say it like this is some mafia trade?"
He sighed softly at her antics as she turned to face him properly.
"Because you're trading your goods, for my services," she cast a wink as she poked his chest lightly, unable to see his embarrassed expression for the dark of the closet. "And if you don't got my goods well buddy boy this deal is gonna fall through and you may like me so much because I can be real dangerous when I don't get what I'm owed," though she threatened her voice was entirely playful.
"This mafia movie you're shooting is getting to your nogging. But yes I have 'the goods'."
He exaggerated with quotation marks finally turning the closet light on earning a hiss and what the fuck from May at the sudden light as he pulled out a large carry on bag, he unzipped it slowly for emphasis opening it to reveal it loaded with different kinds of treats.
"Hersheys, Moreos of varying delightful flavors for your enjoyment, aero bars, dairy milks, milky way buttons large, caramac, Pokey sticks, reeses pieces, m&ms and many other delightful treats await."
He quickly closed it, zipping it up closed.
"If you can hold up your end of the deal."
"Darlin' you were just speaking my language, don't you worry toots, I'll treat you right." She grinned playfully doing some sort of accent as she booped his nose, "though, surely you could part with something, for my troubles, call it a down payment hmm, keep me sweet? Gonna treat me well Shugs?" She put her hands on his chest as though fiddling with an invisible tie.
"You're enjoying this too much."
He snorted softly but chuckled finding her demeanor somewhat amusing as he pulled out a random thing he paused ripping off the packaging with his teeth before holding the chocolate bar out for her watching her just bite the chocolate and hold it in her teeth with a grin, she gave him a wink and slipped out of the closet as he sighed zipping up the carry bag and hiding it for later.
It was in honesty a difficult job, he wanted her to complete many tasks in advance for April fools, he was always the butt of jokes, but not this year! This year he had help.
It started when everyone had left to go home, she put her plan into motion, firstly the put all the cameras on loop to cover her tracks, secondly she hit the bathrooms carrying carrier bags of jeans and shoes she set them up matching up shoes and trousers in the mens to make every stall appear occupied locking them all from the inside and putting out of order signs on all the doors to cause frustration and the reasonable idea that all of them were full due to the previous closures.
Next she booby trapped different doors and chairs, taping Foghorns so when the door was slammed open or chair sat in it would honk loudly and startle people, she hid them all over some obvious to throw them off the tracks some very expertly hidden. She also took this time to sneak Rubber chickens and whoopee cushions under seats and cushions. On Marie's desk she put a paper cup with "Spinarak inside! Very big! Only lift cup if you're ready to get rid of it!" She'd asked a local Spinarak to make an exit hole in the cup so it looked as though a large spider escaped and it looked authentic.
She removed the bottom of Derricks keyboard carefully, in honesty this one was personal as he has been incredibly rude and quite mean to her for no reason for quite some time, she carefully placed down tissue paper and super fast growing seeds, watering them generously and offering a little psychic help and replacing the keyboard top, and did the same to his work station so when he came tomorrow it would be taken over by nature.
She hit Kathleen's office next, this one was personal to her monochrome friend as she'd not been doing her job properly and fucked up his appointments, she looped a ziptie around a Febreze spray bottle trigger, "fire in the hole!" She pulled it tight and threw it into her office, closing the door as it hissed letting out all its content. In all honesty she would've used a fake fart spray herself but she figured monochrome just wasn't that evil.
Finally, her magnus opus, she spilled hundred upon hundreds of sticky pads and concentrating her psychic energy they flew everywhere sticking to everything along halls window chairs plants set pieces everything! It was a whirlwind of color and chaos.
When she finished she kisses her fingers in an exaggerated mwah of her brilliance before setting the cameras to start recording live footage seconds before the new work day began leaving no trace of her crimes. With that she slipped away into the night to her movie trailer, she preferably would've been enjoying her prize but he's clearly hidden or taken it with him because she couldn't find it.
The next day was complete and utter chaos, there was accusatory yelling frustrated screams, loud HONKS of Foghorns and Kathleen came running out her office coughing and gagging at the overwhelming Febreze scent while Derrick yelled and raged over his computer. He smashed it into a wall and punched a hole into a door before higher management called him into their office. In all honesty probably would've been easy to remove the plants but he was a hot headed asshole anyways.
A worker pointed an accusing finger at ??? Shouting that it must have been him. The boss quickly told them that no it couldn't be because the monochrome one was with him. Another pointed at May, "then her then! She used her powers to do it!" They cried.
"Me? I, I mean I don't know how to break it to you but I'm not the most gifted with psychic abilities," she frowned a sad frown managing a very sad voice that was pitiful without it being obvious that was the intention. Monochrome was impressed by her acting as another worker snapped at them saying that May wasn't capable of such a thing, stop being an asshole.
It halted all work and filming that day as everyone worked to clean up the unexplained mess of pranks with more yelling as hidden jumping snake pranks leapt out from places at cleaning workers. May effectively bumbled along as though just as unsure as everyone else despite knowing where they all were leaping in fright with a squeal at the peanut spring snakes and getting shocked by hidden shockers to really strengthen the image of innocence.
May collapsed onto her bed in her trailer exhausted, setting it up and taking it down was tiresome stuff. She grumbled to herself that her supposed friend hadn't looked at her once or made any indication of trade off, angrily thumping her tail into her bed at his betrayal. She'd get him for that as she snuggled her cushion.
She groaned as someone knocked on her trailer door dragging herself out of her comfy bed.
"Imma coming Imma coming it better be worth it," she emptily threatened as she opened the door to the monochrome bastard she was just thinking about. "You." He smiles at her unaware of his supposed treachery.
"Yes? Me-eh!"
She yanked him into her trailer with one hand holding him against a counter, "you got a lot of nerve showing up you slippery snake." His mouth hand open in confusion as he awkwardly ah'ed? Before making an oh holding up the carry on bag of sweets.
"I didn't want to give it to you where people could see in case they suspected anything. Honest!"
She eyed him taking the carry on with one hand keeping the other holding him to the counter using her teeth to open the zip and stick her nose in sniffing, yup, smelt like sweets in there and it was heavy.
"Hm." She removed her hand to stop pinning him, "you're forgiven, could've been mighty bad for you otherwise pardner"
"Western mafia huh?"
She nodded as she pulled out some Pokey sticks, nodding firmly as she popped one in her mouth confirming around the biscuit, "Western mafia." He chuckled as he watched her nibble the Pokey slowly making it disappear into her mouth seemingly satisfied with the trade off.
"Am I free to leave unharmed?"
May chuckled, stepping aside so he could get to the door, popping another Pokey in her mouth with a "suppose." He grinned putting his hand on the door he paused and leant over close biting the pokey and snapping it before rushing out the door as she stood there in confusion.
"The fuck??" She finished chewing what was left of her Pokey. "What a bastard."
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coloursofaparadox · 1 year
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>:[
#ive lost like all fear of dogs at this point. i realized that earlier today when a massive rottie started a fight with my boy#and my first instinct on seeing flying teeth was to sprint towards them and shove my body in between#its very possible it was also just all self preservation leaving my body because i am absolutely going to protect my pup#i would probably fight a bear for him there is no question that i would forcibly shove another dog off with my forearm#but fuck. despite the fact that i /know/ better sometimes i have a real real bad fatigue week and i use dog parks. i have like.#a selective list of ones that i will go to categorized by 'least likely to become a boxing ring'. tons of space. multiple separate areas.#i go only at off times when its not busy! i watch dog body language and keep an eye on him at all times.#ill rotate areas if i spot a potential problem. i have him under verbal control and wouldnt even be there if i didnt. but! like!#despite all that. just fucking anyone can go there. 'oh your dogs a puppy thats why my dog attacked him!' idgaf.#speaking as someone who has raised a reactive dog. if your dog is reactive why in the absolute hell would you take them to a dog park.#why!!! lif your dog is consistently fighting other dogs why would you do that! it does not matter if he 'only attacks dogs that arent fixed'#he is still obviously not having a good fucking time and is not going to enjoy this environment holy shit#just. gggHHGGH. i avoid off leash parks as much as i can already but. fuck. idek the point of this im just.#still a bit riled over having to physically throw myself in the middle of a dog fight while the other owner did absolutely nothing.#like just hovered! while his dog was pinning mine and teeth flying attacking and was actively fighting me trying to keep him off#when i can afford it im gonna find some sort of dog group walk/hike thing instead i do not want to socialize my boy like this#i am tired and very very upset because my boy looked so scared and i swear to god if you arent grabbing your dog i will fight it myself#fuck dude. fuck dog parks and fuck me for knowing better and still using em anyways.
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muffinrag · 1 year
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discovered yesterday that my RDR2 graphics settings were set low and that's why I've been getting blurring and artifacting and why all my footage looks like it's in 480p. I have approximately 500 gigs of subpar game footage on my pc. I'm going to blow myself up
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kuiinncedes · 2 years
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jdfuafhuagkldflgajkd
#what if i also am a mess this week 🤩#theres this banner marketing thing we ordered on monday that needed 5 business days and we needed by this monday#production started on it monday and they sent me a link to track progress and shit but the link didnt work#and i tried emailing them abt it and i had to email other ppl but i waited like a few days before doing that and ended up not getting iit#to work or anything and now we need the thing sent to somewhere by tomorrow afternoon#today afternoon lol and like they had the 5 business days they said they took for it so it Should be fine#but i literaly have no idea#bc the fucking progress link wouldnt work#and everyone i emailed to help w it werent responding over the weekend#so like im sending another email tomorrow morning at 8 lol to be like did yall send it pls bc i cant see TT#i feel like it's my fault if it doesnt happen and we wasted many money bc i've been handling the logistics and stuff for this thing#i know it's not rly but also i . couldve done some things earlier#anyway idk im not rly dwelling on that i just feel like#if i go on campus tomorrow and the banner is up im gonna start crying LMFAO#bc this is highkey stressing me out and i like to cry when im stressed 🥳#if it doesnt happen i will also start crying lmfao#i also always be overthinking things and just why cant i . not have such a negative perception of everything i SAY/do woohoo#afterparty for our show but im just crying bc release of this stress while everyone else is drinking#bro im not even nearly the most significant / high pressure board position and im likeeeejgndfndkfdkgdh lol#tbf tho marketing do be . the most during this week ig ;-;#also i need to go to sleep but i dont want to :D am excited for the show this week but i think i am#procrastinating actually having the week start bc it is kinda stresssssfulllllllll lolllllll#manifesting this fucking banner is up tomorrow#i will see it either in the morning idk if they put them up that early or#i guess when i leave the building in the afternoon but also i wont be facing the sign at all#or in the evening ;-; my only two chances to see#altho my friend might text me if she sees it when she goes like later morning i think#anyway *screaming* ran out of tags bye lol#jeanne talks
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largetriangles · 5 months
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lunar-fey · 5 months
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warning for uh general cop shittiness and transphobia
okay so my client is pretty much always watching like cop shows. actually i think its vids on a youtube channel its like all bodycam and dashcam footage and like. its Bad to begin with. like genuinely awful and upsetting and i actually do not know how anyone capable of feeling empathy (this is not a moral judgement i do not experience empathy.) could watch it and not come out with the opinion that cops are exclusively awful people who ruin lives.
but maybe worse than any of the screaming and crying and injuring people for Literally Just Existing to me. is the fact that EVERY SINGLE TIME the cops see "a man dressed as a woman" they automatically assume the person is cis male who is a prostitute. there have been at LEAST two def trans women that ive seen over the months and both times the cops were questioning her like. so youre a man right? you wear those clothes to prostitute? why would you do that? "because im a woman" "so its a hobby? youre a prostitute? youre fully a man?" like. HELLO. the hate for trans women is so real and i love every trans woman and will kiss them on the mouth if they would like.
#the most upsetting part for me personally. well no lets say it with our whole chest its TRIGGERING#is when the cops start screaming at someone to stop resisting and theyre literally just. laying on the ground not doing anything#or when they ask like “why did you run/why are you here rn” and the person gives a Perfectly Reasonable Explanation and the cop#just goes uhhhhmmm youre lying :)#for ex earlier there was a dude that was like. in a parking lot at 2am and he was like ya im meeting a dude.#he works graveyard shifts. so this is the only time i can get ahold of him.#and the cops Literally jist ignored him and kept asking why he couldnt meet the guy during the day.#like. youve NEVER heard of a nightshift job before?#“this is a high crime area”#okay so you know the people who live there are poor. so theyre more likely thab average to work a night shift or even two jobs.#like Sure. That Guy had drugs. which i do not think should be illegal to begin with#but you KNOW they are doing the exact same shit w perfectly “innocent people”#people being told theyre lying when there is no Real evidence that they are is a massive trigger for me lmaooo#obvi these cops are relying on psuedopsychology like 'if someone doesnt make eye contact theyre lying'#AND ANOTHER THING that pisses me off and then ill stop - i cant fucking STAND it when they ask “why did you run” or “why are you nervous”#and anytime someone is like “uh youre a cop. you have a gun.” the cops get SO confused they genuinely cant understand why peoplr would be#afriad of tjem. but they ubderstand just fine being afraid of Scary Criminal who MAYBE had a gun.#okay im stopping
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