#why did i not go with my gut and say no
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gree-gon · 2 years ago
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do not think i have forgotten the time i accidentally chose to trust you and ended up getting -2 points with Saphira
which then ended up with her being unavailable as a doubles partner in the nightclub, little bug boy
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lotus-pear · 3 months ago
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mourning black and the death of ideals
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gayghostrights · 1 month ago
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thinking about one sided blind faith again
#But like specifically in the context of aro Arthur in a QPR with John#And oscar is gutted because not only does Arthur not reciprocate his feelings he also doesn’t even trust him enough to tell him the truth#Because queer platonic wasn’t a word then so it would just be Arthur insisting he and John are friends#And maybe he’s repressed enough to also insist he’s straight#And he’s saying these things while being unnaturally close to John (so in sync and anticipating each others needs) and how is Oscar going#To complete with the closeness of someone who shared a body with Arthur?#Someone who shares his bed and brought him back from the edge and who just gets him ways Oscar thinks he never will#And to top it off Arthur is saying that their closeness isn’t out of the ordinary which feels like a slap in the face#Because if that was how he treated his friends wouldn’t he be holding Oscar’s hand under the diner table#wouldn’t he be bringing Oscar to his bed.#Wouldn’t he be talking to Oscar in that same affectionate tone#And Oscar internalizes it as both his own shortcoming because if he believes him that he and John are friends and not anything else and#That’s just how Arthur treats his friends then why isn’t he treating Oscar the same way he treats john#OR it means that Arthur is lying to him. That he doesn’t trust him enough to tell him who is he is and that he’s not a safe enough person#To come out to#And worst of all it means he doesn’t see (for lack of a better word…) Oscar or the way Oscar is breaking his back to be what Arthur needs.#It means Arthur doesn’t see how in love with him Oscar is because if he did see it then he would know to trust him with that side of himsel#But really!!! Arthur and John just have their weird little thing going on and Arthur doesn’t experience romantic attraction but the words#Don’t exist yet#Anyway#I’m normal#Blind faith#my beloved doomed ship#I want to make Oscar suffer <3 and I want Arthur to feel guilty about it
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melrosing · 1 year ago
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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eddis-not-eeddis · 7 months ago
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Dealing with newcomer's embarrassment gets easier if you are surrounded by people you have no respect for.
#oh this other professional saw me do something stupid that messed up my paperwork?#but she does shady things worse than the mistake i just made on purpose to make a buck#oh i just said something dumb to my boss#give him a few hours and he'll say something even dumber to me#oh no the guy who has been working at this job for twenty years just saw me make a rookie mistake#agony abounds but he just did six other things a lot worse than I did all in one day so i'll live with it#oh no the manager is a little disappointed with my performance?#so what he's a pushover and he won't say or do anything about it anyway i'll do better next time#oh no my one coworker hates my guts#she hate's everyone else's guts too and literally never shuts up about it#i'm not special#it sounds kind of depressing--and it can be#but i have a lot of affection for these people regardless of their issues#i just don't really let my failures around them bother me too much anymore because i honestly don't care what these people think of me#i'm not going to make the same mistakes ever again#but i don't have to let this stuff keep me up at night because i did something wrong#if i'm not going to go to them for advice why do i care what they think about me?#it was something that i realized a few months ago and ever since it's made things a LOT easier to deal with#plus#these people aren't dwelling on my failures either#they all have their own stuff going on#yeah they might harp on it for a while bit new things will come up and eventually they forget#they aren't thinking about me that much anyway#XD
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essektheylyss · 7 months ago
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Because it's the first song on my afternoon daylist, sometimes I just idly remember how Castle put its eponymous character intro to "Everybody Loves Me" by OneRepublic, and honestly, what an utterly correct choice.
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ronanlynchbf · 1 year ago
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hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT
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#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background..#literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start#to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me#when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and#then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such#and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more#negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed#out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail....#also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don'#want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working#there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had#tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard#rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r#doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's#why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME#ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda#long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to#your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if#you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve#that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint.#anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴#ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :(((((((((((#r.txt
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coquelicoq · 2 years ago
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natsume book of friends season 4 opening sequence has got me incredibly fucked up. the lyrics. kid natsume's tiny little legs and teenage natsume watching him run. the lyrics. nyanko-sensei burrowing into his arms. did i mention the lyrics? ending frame on the fujiwara family. including natsume. because he's part of their family. as the lyrics ask him to "please [not] keep suffering alone"? somebody fucking hold me.
#i'm actually almost done with season 4 because i have no self-control. and every time i watch the opening i'm like#no this has only gotten more potent since the last time i watched it. we are reaching danger levels#natsume yuujinchou#natsume's book of friends#my posts#season 4 is the season of tanuma just completely destroying me on every level. why is every single character like this??#every time he learns something about natsume he's like oh so this is what it's like for natsume?#and then it happens again and he's like wait natsume ALSO has THIS OTHER THING to contend with??#and again: AND A THIRD THING?? WHY MUST THE WORLD'S BEST BOY NATSUME TAKASHI SUFFER???#he just wants to help natsume deal with stuff and i am on the fucking floor#his thought process is just#this is hard for natsume. i wish i could help him. maybe here's a way i could help him? he doesn't want me to though because it would#put me in danger. but i don't want him to be in danger either. and i'm telling him that to his face. i don't think it's really#gotten through to him but that's okay i will just keep telling him. now i'm realizing that the thing i did to help him maybe just made#things harder for him. this is hard for natsume. i wish i could help him. maybe sometimes the best way to help him is to just#respect his wishes and yet remind him that he can lean on people and that people love him as much as he loves them#the part where tanuma realized why natsume doesn't tell the fujiwaras about youkai gutted me#this kid is so emotionally astute and such a sweetheart#i just watched the episode where natsume loses his picture of his parents and his old house is getting sold and i cried. SO many tears.#tanuma putting his foot down for once like no actually you need to admit that something is bothering you this time#we can find this picture. ask us to help you do this thing that we can actually do for you. you don't need to be sad for no reason#mmm can't be coherent about it just rest assured it was extremely harmful to me and also exactly what i needed#anyway the season 4 opening song as the thing you say to your younger self who lives inside your current self because#you can't actually go back in time and be the person your younger self needed to have in their life. so all you can do is love that child#in absentia but so so so fiercely and with your whole entire heart#all you can do is give your current self all the love you have for the child you were#jesus CHRIST
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mythicalcoolkid · 2 years ago
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After too many years here I've final what hornets' nests I am not brave enough to kick
#m/cc#thought about making a certain post and decided... no... I would rather not#I am not prepared for responses to that. it might actually kill me#specifically it was:#'going gluten/dairy/food dye-free CAN improve certain neurodevelopmental things but it cannot 'cure' autism/ADHD/Tourette's'#I already know I'd get vitriol both from people claiming I think autism comes from gluten or 'needs cured' because they can't read the post#and that I'm trying to trick everyone into going gluten-free because Toxins or something and lying about a connection#(even though (neuro)dev disorders can be made worse by flaring immune issues like - oh I don't know - undiagnosed gluten intolerance?#hypersensitivity to certain food dyes?#we already know autism and ADHD in particular have HUGE correlations with gastro and immune issues#which is why some mommy bloggers genuinely do see symptom improvement from diet changes)#and from people saying 'um actually no-gluten DID cure my nephew's ADHD?? the science is on our side/big gluten is covering up the research#and I don't know if I could handle dozens of people per day telling me I'm a science denier AND a eugenist from both sides#I am simply. ADHD. and autistic. and incredibly interested in the wild amount of comorbid physical disorders that correlate with these#autoimmune and gastro issues but also loose/hypermobile joints; epilepsy; delayed sleep phase disorder; COPD; skin conditions#it's so fascinating to me and provides a huge chunk of data to run with re: the gut-brain axis#whether [neurodev] causes [other]/[other] causes [neurodev] or an underlying thing causes both is unknown#but honestly with the huge interest in the gut-brain axis and microbiome in the past decade or so#I think we're going to see a lot more research in the next thirty or forty years examining physical comorbidities with neurodev stuff#I'm probably not gonna link to research because I don't wanna just start the war anyway and I'm too tired to go back and find the articles#but the TL;DR of the tags is neurodev stuff isn't caused by gluten intolerance but if you're unknowingly aggravating a gluten intolerance#you're probably not gonna feel great and it's gonna make your symptoms worse because of the effect it has on your body#it's like a very mild long-term allergic reaction and yeah if you get rid of that it'll improve other areas (e.g. sleep cycle; irritability#so of Course it's gonna improve a bunch of things-that-get-worse-with-poor-sleep/decreased-stress-tolerance#if you were always sitting on a slightly uncomfortable chair you'd probably do a lot better if I switched the chair#just because you can focus better or you didn't know the chair was uncomfortable doesn't mean it caused your ADHD#also in this case the chair affects your hormone levels and immune response and what chemicals accidentally leak into your bloodstream#if you're interested look it up there's been a Ton of research on correlations of specific physical issues with neurodev in recent years
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minakoaiinos · 11 months ago
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Anyway good morning.
#unpacking these four chapters of breakup that happened almost twenty years ago in several different formats#starving for madam red content especially ik she's been dead (as dead as anyone on black butler has ever been) forever but like.#i don't understand how so much of this comment section got out of this that madam red just wanted to be ~normal~#when a lot of her deal and ciel's is that she physically can't/wasn't ever going to be and i genuinely think ciel realized these things...#...about himself a long time before madam red did and that's why she struggles with a lot of it so much. bc she held onto the idea she...#....COULD be ~normal ~ a lot longer than ciel ever did for himself#i think that factors for a lot of grell's side of the breakup too#grell also realized that about herself early on AND she could tell that about madam red the minute she saw her#like everyone dying wasn't the cause madam red couldn't be normal it was just more evidence of it#and i think it might have hurt grell's feelings that madam red was still holding on to what was never going to be when for grell they...#...were perfect for each other in every way and madam red backing out of the killing meant she was backing out on her too#it says soooo much that grell found madam red at her worst and she liked that and everything that madam red thought people looked down on...#....her for grell just revels in#also i wish redacted would die again <3 hate his guts the whole situation is so sinister regardless of how doomed madam red is#kuroshitsuji#my kuro posts#redcliff#madam red#Youtube
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I will never regret that I was homeschooled and being homeschooled did not cause me to be Weird and Anti Social but I am, for unrelated reasons, Anxious and Anti Social so. Ballad of a Homeschooled Girl is really the most ME song ever its just that the title and lyrics aren't correlated for me
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reigningmax · 2 years ago
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Today truly fucking sucked lmao
#like the situation was so ridiculous#but I feel so fucking horrible#at being targeted like that like.#if you had good intentions and you seriously thought something I said#was fundamentally wrong#how do you instead of coming to me#go to so many of my friends and copy paste a message#asking why they aren’t calling me out#then getting pressed when you’re corrected about something you’re saying#then comparing me to Pierre ?#then going around making it seem like I’m a predator#and at no point did you have the guts to come talk to me#it was never about something being wrong#it was literally just watching like a hawk#trying to find something I do or say to latch onto#and again I ask where did I ever say anything so bad abojt teenage max#and again I ask where is the outrage about fics where 28 year old Daniel#is fucking 18 year old max lol?#how do you compare fiction - both fics and headcanons#tk literal predatory behavior and power imbalance#I also only took out ONE tag that was half aseterisks#and could’ve been literally any hundred of combos of 3 and 4 letter words#why would you go to so many people to do this lmao#what the fuck is wrong with you?????#I hope you never have a good night sleep ever#but I also hope you find people who are good friends to you#and give you the love you so clearly need#since you are so unbelievably sad that your try to put this on someone#saying something clearly not how you’re making it seem#and the fact that I didn’t lose a single follower despite everyone who got asked about it being my mutual? lmao
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harmonicaorange · 1 year ago
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i read acotar after avoiding it for 8 years because i assumed (and was correct) that the main characters would be dull. only to find out book 2 is STILL about feyre and tamlin !?! if i’d known multiple books were in feyre’s pov i wouldn’t have bought it
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4thbrighteststar · 3 months ago
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I wish I could listen to in between gracie abrams but it makes me genuinely actually sick to my stomach nauseous
#GET ME OOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT#vomit tw#team screams#guys i am so fucking sick of this#tell me how I spent the whole entire fucking day with my friends. 9 AM to 7 PM. 10 HOURS.#and I somehow feel more lonely than I did in the last TEN DAYS WHEN I DIDN'T SEE THEM#fucking. heads pushed together twirling each other’s hair nobody else in the room but god forbid anyone assume there's something there#and then turn around and flirt with me too. for funsies. bc why fucking not#SOMEONE DEADASS ASKED IF WE WERE IN A THROUPLE#A THROOOUUUUPPPLLEEEEEEEEEEEE#how did i FUCKIGJGJGNGGN GET HERE. HOOOOWWWWWWWW#im gonna start BITTITIIIJNGNGNGGHH#i dont fucking CARE i would rather be excluded!! i would rather you fucking made plans in front of me and then left me out to my FACE#instead of dragging my sorry ass with you Everywhere for some fuckass reason and then acting like im not even there#AND THEN WHEN I LEAVE. BC Y'ALL DON'T EVEN NOTICE. CHASE ME BACK AND SAY NOOO WHY'D YOU GO#bc im FUCKING TIRED BITCH#genuinely i hear 'I just can't come between them...they got their own thing' and i immediately get a stomachache and want to throw up#i wish. y'all fucking liked me. but more than that. I think I wish I didn't like you#bc why do i even CARE. i know better. i literally know better!! i have so many other friends I could be doing this with#and i LIKE hanging out with y'all but what fucking good does that do me when u guys don't even care if I'm there#and you don't have the GUTS TO TELL MEEEEEEEEEEHYSHSHSBFNFNFNFJ#and every time I hang out with them individually or we're all Actually hanging out as a group I have fun. we all do!#i fucking HATE third wheeling#im so dead serious take me out im not having fun. stop it. fucking stop it#but I can't say any OF THIS BC THEYRE BOTH REPRESSING IT TO HELL AND BACK. BUT THEY'RE NOT. SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE#ok im done. well no im still angry but i got so upset i tired myself out. so good night
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tealime9 · 6 months ago
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nuh uh
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dekuneho · 10 days ago
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reason ☆ ( thirdyear!katsuki x reader ) suggestive — your boyfriend breaks up with you, and katsuki doesn’t waste opportunities
The first fact Class 1-A learns about you is that you have a boyfriend.
Well — had. And now you’re third years, and it’s safe to say that you should’ve broken up long ago.
You had him since middle school, but they never met him. Your dynamic shifted from the perfect picture of high school sweethearts to something more toxic since you got into UA — 1-A, no less. Yuusei didn’t pass the UA exams and called you insensitive for asking him to come meet your ‘fancy hero friends’ while he was from some low-profile school, and back when you had sympathy for him, it was difficult to be peeved at his blatant jealousy. He had a compelling, teary face.
“That’s called manipulative,” Sero says.
“He was really insecure,” you confess. Not that it makes it any better. He was manipulative because he was insecure — but that wasn’t all. He’d been that way long ago. There was a different turning point.
Kirishima gives a gentle, understanding pat on the back. “We were busy enough as it is. But now we’re about to graduate; of course you started thinking more about your future.”
“And you got the perfect ending — a future without him!” Ashido cheers to that. You take a long, long, victorious sip.
Right. After your breakup, you phoned Ashido about it, unaware that she was out with the rest of your friends, but it wasn’t like you were on speaker. Ashido gasped and shrieked, and the rest continued in her apartment, bottles of fancy wine that probably came from Bakugou lined up on the table.
Bakugou had been silent the entire time, sitting on the far edge of the couch across yours. You didn’t even think he’d come along. He’d always been coldly indifferent when it came to anything related to Yuusei. He doesn’t offer a single word; you expected him to call you stupid for dragging it this long when you entered the room. He just stared, ruby tracing your every step.
“So? What made you snap?” Kaminari asks, nestling into the cushion beside you, slinging an arm over your shoulder. You feel like a prey as Bakugou’s gaze holds on Kaminari’s arm for a moment too long. “What shit did he pull this time?”
Bakugou had been the reason for your breakup, and it almost feels like he knows exactly that.
Yuusei despised him. Bakugou is the physical embodiment of everything Yuusei failed to be, and you were friends with him. It really didn’t help that Bakugou has an ego and can back it up; Yuusei didn't have either.
Yuusei was in a heated argument with a classmate, and you got irritated by his voice drowning out even your music at the loudest volume. So you got up, buried your feet in your outside shoes, and glanced back.
“Hey, I’m going out.”
Yuusei was already having an awful day, and came the bottled-up aggression that made him spit in seething venom: “What, don’t tell me you’re going out to fuck Bakugou behind my back again?”
You paused from where you had been tugging your jacket sleeves up your arms. And then, unadulterated fury. The rest is history.
But that’s embarrassing to admit to your friends. They’d ask why Yuusei would even bring Bakugou up — why he is even a recurring argument in your relationship. It wasn’t just Yuusei that was the problem. Somewhere buried deep that Yuusei could feel was your shame, the one that knew Yuusei wasn’t just threatened by Bakugou because of one thing.
“He was having a bad day,” you say instead, and the mendacious excuse slips so easily. Back then, you thought it was because you needed to defend Yuusei; now, it was because you feared them also knowing the truth. “And I realized I just couldn’t — uh, anymore.”
“Yeah,” Sero, Kirishima, Kaminari, and Ashido agree together.
Bakugou finally shifts from where he’d been unmoving, ducking down to fill his glass. “‘least you learned your fucking lesson.” His gaze flicks up; the intensity makes you feel so shameful. It coils in your gut. “Forget the losers who can’t handle themselves. Go for the best.”
Coming from him. Is he flirting? This has to be flirting, right? Every word he says feels so charged, blatant with intent.
“Whoa, fresh on the market and you’re already saying that? Give it a few months, at least,” Kaminari laughs, followed by some, but you and Bakugou aren’t laughing. You’re stuck in this weird staring competition — looking away feels like admitting defeat. Feels like you’d straight up confess that yes, it’s you! You’re the fucking reason why!
“Yeah,” you mutter, though you’re not sure if it’s in response to Kaminari or Bakugou’s. You drag on another sip but feel as sober as a judge. You feel like you’d need ten more before you could even deal with whatever shit Bakugou is pulling.
“Cheer up, baby,” Mina coos. “You know you’re a catch. Yuusei will know exactly what he lost.”
“I don’t care about him anymore,” you say, which is the complete truth. “I’m getting shitfaced because I feel like I’m about to make a very bad decision.”
“Um?” Kirishima voices worriedly. “Do we need to take you somewhere?”
Bakugou stands abruptly, jingling his car keys in between his fingers. “Come on.”
“Are you drunk?” he asks before you can even pretend to open your front door.
“I only smell like it, but I really am too clear-headed for this,” you swear.
The moment he pins you to the wall and buries his mouth into yours, you know you are gone. This is what Yuusei had been fearing, what you’d been hiding — and fuck, it feels so good. He kisses like he’s starving like he’s been holding back for as long as you are. The shame comes spilling out soon after.
“I just got broken up with,” you say in a futile attempt to ease your guilt. “Hey — Katsuki, do you even—”
“I know what I’m doin’,” he says, mouthing over where your jaw and neck meet. "I know you want me."
“God, this is so fucked up,” you say, trailing off in a whine that really says a lot about you. “I’m an asshole. You’re really good at kissing — Katsuki—”
“Try three years of patience and tell me again what’s more fucked up,” Katsuki rasps, breath searing a mark on your skin, inciting a shudder that came down from your toes to your dizzy head.
“You were waiting for Yuusei and me to break up?”
“I get what I want.” Katsuki pauses, his eyes flicking up, arresting yours for a breath. “And he was a dick. Was bettin’ since year one.”
You curl a strand of his untamed hair, unwittingly charmed. “Sorry for making you wait.”
He responds by capturing your lips in a kiss, prying your mouth open with his, licking in, biting, pulling, grinding, and —
Katsuki softens his hold on your hips, pushing off. “Hey.”
You pant. Wow, you think, lightheaded, you don’t think you’d ever been kissed that well. “Hey,” you exhale over his mouth.
Katsuki bears his forehead heavily down on yours. “This isn’t some one-night stand rebound bullshit, you hear me? I didn’t wait three years just to get my dick wet — we’re doin’ this shit, got that?”
“I know,” you say, smiling. “You’re the best of all of them, right?”
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